Andrew Has Heat!
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0:00 Bobby Hates This Cold Open
6:05 More Dogs
12:05 Andrew Almost Beat Up in His Neighborhood
16:25 Bad Neighbors
25:30 Family Feud vs Jeopardy
29:42 Rudy's Jon Favreau Moment
32:32 Why Andrew Santino Has Heat
45:20 Fancy B's Animal Game
49:45 "I'm Not Gay No More"
55:21 SNL's Sinead O'Conner & Ashlee Simpson Moments
57:47 The Song For Rudy
1:05:35 Our Safe Space aka Kevin Hart's The Purge but for Words
1:12:45 Rudy's Accidental Text
More Bobby Lee
TigerBelly: https://www.youtube.com/tigerbelly
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/bobbyleelive/
Twitter: https://twitter.com/bobbyleelive
Tickets: https://bobbyleelive.com/
More Andrew Santino
Whiskey Ginger:
https://www.youtube.com/andrewsantinowhiskeyginger
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/cheetosantino/
Twitter: https://Twitter.com/cheetosantino
Tickets: http://www.andrewsantino.com/
More Bad Friends
iTunes: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/bad-friends/id1496265971
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/badfriendspod/
Twitter: https://twitter.com/badfriends_pod
Official Website: http://badfriendspod.com/
Opening Credits and Branding: https://www.instagram.com/joseph_faria & https://www.instagram.com/jenna_sunday
Credit Sequence Music: http://bit.ly/RocomMusic // https://www.instagram.com/rocom
Character Design: https://www.instagram.com/jeffreymyles
Produced by George Kimmel & Bryce Hallock - 7EQUIS
Podcast Producers: Jenna Sunde, Joe Faria, Andrés Rosende
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Press play and read along
Transcript
Speaker 1
I had that dream again. My small business needs to hire, but I don't use LinkedIn and I hire wrong.
So our orders get all backed up. We're drowning in paperwork than actually drowning.
Speaker 1 Carol is fighting off sharks with a staple, and pirates are pillaging me off his copier. And
Speaker 1
then I wake up. Don't let hiring nightmares ruin your dreams.
LinkedIn Jobs' new AI assistant goes beyond the resume, using unique insights to deliver a smarter shortlist.
Speaker 1 Post your job for free at linkedin.com/slash quality. Start hiring today with LinkedIn.
Speaker 1
Horse. Wait, that wait.
Horse. Wait.
I don't know how to just make this sound.
Speaker 1 What is it? Go, go. Do it again.
Speaker 1 Put the cards down. Put the card down and just do it.
Speaker 1 I know what you're doing.
Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1 Hyena. I got it.
Speaker 1
That was really good. You two are bad friends.
Who are these two idiots?
Speaker 1 White dude and an Asian dude.
Speaker 1 You two are disgusting.
Speaker 1 We're bad friends.
Speaker 1 To go from Hawaii to this dreary dystopian nightmare, bro,
Speaker 1 it's so good.
Speaker 1
You know, when you're flying into LA, you know, at night, especially, and you see just the vastness of sadness. Yeah, how big it is.
How big and sad it is. Yeah, it's deep.
You hear that music.
Speaker 1 Like the,
Speaker 1 yeah.
Speaker 1 You go in, and then it's like, you see little Sith lords like Jules.
Speaker 1 She don't even say hi to you when you walk in the house.
Speaker 1
I lost my voice. I don't know how I lost.
Honestly, I lost my voice.
Speaker 1
I literally woke up. Yeah.
And I was trying to yell at my wife. As I do.
Yeah. And I just couldn't.
I couldn't do it. Does it sound like it hurts? Are you sick? Yeah.
No.
Speaker 1
I know. I just, it's like gone.
Yeah. I don't know what it's from.
Dude, I'm set right now. I I just realized my eyebrows are cartoony, bro.
They're big again. What happened? Trim those down, bro.
Speaker 1
No, I leave them this way because of you. Really? Yeah, I want this.
Holy shit. It looks good, right? It looks like very cartoony.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Don't do that.
Speaker 1 Dude, honestly, I lost my voice. I think from
Speaker 1 I do this charity every single weekend
Speaker 1 where I go and I feed the homeless.
Speaker 1 It's called Feed and Fuck and I Feed and Fuck the Homeless.
Speaker 1 And
Speaker 1 I don't know, maybe it it was too many fucks I fed a bunch too
Speaker 1 he's into any of that you know that Jill's right
Speaker 1 there's not his his heart is a black stone hey guys to start oh my god hold on let's can I do a real can we start from the real let's start from the beginning
Speaker 1 we don't have him we haven't even started and we have him interrupting hey buddies let's go I have a bit I wrote something last night with my wife
Speaker 1 Let's do a questionnaire. I have a bunch of questions about, you know,
Speaker 1
about the music. And music.
Yeah. 1970s music.
Here we go.
Speaker 1 Created cold water.
Speaker 1
What is it? Revival. Very good.
One point for Andrew. Right?
Speaker 1
George, Ringo, John. Who's the one? Paul.
Okay, one for Bobby.
Speaker 1
And then we go on and on, and he thinks he's being clever. He is clever, though.
He is very clever. He's a clever little man.
Speaker 1 He's saying that, like, you can't open up, bro, with a fucking bit that you wrote already. He wants to, though.
Speaker 1 What were you you going to say, Fancy? It wasn't a bit. For me, it was a cold open.
Speaker 1
Oh, see, he wrote a cold open. That's good.
Before the fucking tonight show. Well, let's hear the cold open.
Yeah, let's hear the cold open, you fuck.
Speaker 1 Well,
Speaker 1 you guys have some cards in front of you.
Speaker 1
We're not doing a bit. No, I'm not doing it.
I refuse it.
Speaker 1 We're in control of the show, right? We will do the fucking bit later. How about we do a cold closer with that?
Speaker 1
Sounds great. Okay, good.
Jules, look right into your camera. Jules has a new camera.
It's high def.
Speaker 1 So people,
Speaker 1
because people complain the old camera was terrible. So look into the camera.
And I want you to do a traditional opening for Bad Friends. Say, welcome to Bad Friends.
You know, give us like a run.
Speaker 1
Give the fans a rundown of what's going to happen on this episode today. Go ahead into your camera.
Go ahead.
Speaker 1 Hi, guys. Welcome to Bad Friends.
Speaker 1 And today we're going to play some cards.
Speaker 1
You're fired. Yeah, yeah, we're not playing cards.
We're not playing cards from the beginning.
Speaker 1 You have to guess what's gonna go
Speaker 1
today. So just make sure this you not just one thing, you gotta name four things.
Four things that's gonna happen. You gotta make them up, right?
Speaker 1 Go ahead. And action.
Speaker 1 Hi guys, this is Rudy, and welcome to Bad Friends.
Speaker 1 Today we're going to play
Speaker 1 name Tito Bobby's least favorite animal.
Speaker 1
Good. Okay.
Very good. That's a game.
We're going to eat another balut.
Speaker 1
Ah, okay. Okay.
Interesting.
Speaker 1 And then
Speaker 1
we're going to sing a song. I like songs.
And
Speaker 1 lastly, we're going to
Speaker 1
pray to God. Wow.
Wow. What a show.
Can we pray to God first?
Speaker 1
Let's open with pray to God. Why don't you open with a prayer, Julia? Yeah, open with a prayer.
Open with a prayer. Here we go.
Go ahead. Go ahead.
Speaker 1 Dear Dear God.
Speaker 1
Good opening. That's a good start.
Yeah.
Speaker 1 Thank you for this wonderful day. Okay.
Speaker 1 I'm thankful that Tito Bobby arrived safely from Hawaii.
Speaker 1 I'm glad we have two other dogs in the house. Oh, God.
Speaker 1
I know. And you don't know.
You have no fucking idea. Well, I can feel it.
I can feel it. You have no fucking idea, bro.
I'm glad to see Tito Andrew, George, and Andreas.
Speaker 1 and that's it in that order yeah yeah
Speaker 1 you want to close it out how do you close a person yeah you got to close it out somehow
Speaker 1 amen there we go a or a woman we don't discriminate here at bad friends yeah bob welcome back thank you from how i i come back so i come last night right yeah i'm like i fucking landed i didn't eat all day i landed you know
Speaker 1 Try to social distance in the fucking airports the whole thing. You get it.
Speaker 1
Yeah, I get it. The guy, the fucking Puerto Rican man, picks me up at the airport.
Hello, how are you? I don't know, okay, let's go. Yeah.
We get in the car, and I call, you know, Kalila.
Speaker 1
I'm in the car. Yeah.
I'm going to be there in about 30 minutes. Okay, just mine the two other dogs.
I go, what? What?
Speaker 1
Yeah, we got two dogs. Mind, you know, just, they're downstairs.
Two new dogs. I go, what are, what? A pit bull.
We have a new pit bull and a little a little black one. Minechihuawa.
Whatever that is.
Speaker 1 It's this side.
Speaker 1
The pit bull is the biggest dog I've ever seen in my life, right? It's got the head of fucking Joey Diaz. It's huge, right? And then the little one is like this.
It's like a Kevin Hart. Yeah.
Speaker 1 I call him little Kevin Harts. So you got a little Kevin Hart, right? And this gigantic rock, right?
Speaker 1
I come in. They're just yapping, right? Running around.
They're not even puppies. They're full-grown.
Adult dogs. Adult dogs.
And who are they? Whose dogs are they? Oh, a homeless woman. What?
Speaker 1 A homeless woman. Yeah, she's sick.
Speaker 1 It's our job now
Speaker 1
is to fucking take in all dogs that are fucking homeless. Yeah.
How did you get these dogs, Jules?
Speaker 1 A friend of Atikalaila texted her. A homeless friend? No.
Speaker 1
Her friend was helping the homeless situation. Yeah.
Okay. That's why I don't pick up the phone.
Yeah, you got it. Yeah, you don't.
You don't pick up the phone. No, you don't.
It could be anything.
Speaker 1
It could be like, hey, you know, I have three kids. One of them's, you know, blind and, you know, his heart is on his shoulder.
Yeah. He has a thing.
You know what I mean? Can you take care of?
Speaker 1
I don't pick anything can happen. No, yeah.
I can't. I'm not.
So I don't pick up the fucking phone. You fucked up by picking up the phone.
And now, how long? Don't look at me like that, young lady.
Speaker 1 Now, also, how long are we going to have these fucking dogs for?
Speaker 1
Maybe two weeks. Yeah, you fucking cocksucker.
Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey. You're not going to do anything.
Speaker 1 Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. How do you think you got inside of that house? Okay.
Speaker 1
Cool it out there. I'm not going to do anything.
We're going to take care of them, not you.
Speaker 1
Because that's what I said. You said, I'm not doing this? No, I just said, oh, I'm not doing anything.
I don't want to do anything.
Speaker 1
There was a piece of poo I saw earlier today. Leave it.
I acted as if it was like I had seen it before. Yeah.
I mean, like it was a part of like a cup holder or something. You know what you should do?
Speaker 1
You should put like a little something in the poo to let them know that you saw it. Yeah, it didn't get picked up.
A little flag. A little memento.
A little tiny flag. Yeah, yeah.
A little filly.
Speaker 1
A little Confederate flag. Yeah.
A little Confederate flag, right? Just to know, right? Yeah. Yeah.
It's been seized. It's been seized.
And
Speaker 1
it's yours to pick up. Right.
What are the dogs' names? Do we name the dogs? The pit bull is bebe.
Speaker 1
That's what homeless, you know, homeless people. Yeah, yeah.
And the chihuahua is lady. Homeless.
She probably wanted to say baby. Baby, but it comes up, babe.
Bebe. What's the other one's called?
Speaker 1 Lady.
Speaker 1
And they rhyme because you can't say that many words. Lady, baby.
Yeah. Baby, lady.
Laziest fucking name. Bebe, Lady.
Speaker 1 Yeah, exactly. You don't even know which one they're calling right now.
Speaker 1 You ever like run into a homeless person and they start talking gibberish, but then you agree with them? All the time. Hey, man, the toka, and he eaten, and he doesn't know why.
Speaker 1 And you're like, I agree.
Speaker 1
He doesn't know why. Yeah, I'm always.
And the toka, the toka needs to go back to the fucking house. And they go, oh, yeah, toca, toka.
Right.
Speaker 1
And then you're like, you're in this conversation with a fucking homeless person. Yeah.
Dude, I was in Hawaii, bro. And bro, so I'm walking.
You know, I had eight days off. Yeah.
In the middle there.
Speaker 1
Yeah. You know, and they're like, you know, you have eight days off.
No one's really walking around. There's nothing to do.
Yeah.
Speaker 1
What about the beach? You can't go to the beach? No, because where they have us, they have us at the docks. Oh.
There's no beach there. It's like boats.
Right, right, right. It's beautiful.
Speaker 1 No, it's still pretty.
Speaker 1
Yeah, you like your big boat guy. I'm not a big boat guy, but you don't like boats at all.
But visually, they're not, it's not like seeing like, you know,
Speaker 1 industrial pipes. At least it's not trash.
Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah. So I go, you know what today? I can't just sit here all day.
Speaker 1
I'm going to go for a little walk, you know, get some nature in. Yeah.
Soak in the sun. Get your steps.
And get the vitamins. I got that.
You know how the energy? Yeah, yeah. Vitamin energy.
Speaker 1
Well, vitamin D. Vitamin and energy.
Very helpful. So anyway, I put on my fucking clothes.
Oh, I have these.
Speaker 1
I went, you know, I've been going clothes shopping online. Yeah.
So I've been buying these. You know those tights? What do you mean, like Lululemon? Yeah, yeah, yeah.
But I'm getting different brands.
Speaker 1
I got tights from Nike, Fila, and I also got tights from Super Dry. Super, you know, the dry.
Super, super tight. Yeah, the super tight ones, right? Yeah.
Speaker 1
And I didn't, you know how Joe Coy will wear shorts over it? Yeah. I don't do that.
You don't, you? I go full-blown tight. Okay, so they see it.
They see everything.
Speaker 1
So they see the knuckles sticking right up. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Okay. Yeah.
And I'll wear a tight shirt, right? And
Speaker 1
for some reason, I always wear a beanie. That's my thing.
Because I'm wearing a mask. So I want some people maybe to recognize me.
Speaker 1
I was just gonna say, you want to make sure people know who you are, right, with the glasses, and so sometimes I'll get it. Yeah, people drive by.
What's up, bad friends? Right? I'm like, what's up?
Speaker 1 Yeah, you recognize me? Maybe I'll do that whole thing, right? So then I'm walking around.
Speaker 1 This fucking homeless guy rides a bike toward me. He goes, hey, man,
Speaker 1
be happy. Be free.
Take off your mask.
Speaker 1 And he rides by, right?
Speaker 1 And I like all of a sudden I was just like, you know, because I wanted to say something
Speaker 1 yeah I couldn't even get it out he was on his bike and I was trying to get it out but he was still he was cruising so I was like
Speaker 1 and I turned around and as soon he was gone right so I couldn't even say what I want to say what did you want to say I was gonna lie you know I always lied My friend Randy Smith died from it.
Speaker 1 He was 26 and he was healthy. Like full-blown lie, right? You know, he was a fucking troy athlete to the quad athlete and he's a fucking,
Speaker 1
he's a cruncher man and he's a champion and he was healthy. He had no premorth immediateities, right? Right, right.
And he died from it just to die, right?
Speaker 1
Yeah, shake it up. But as soon as I was turning to say that, he was gone, man.
Yeah, so it kind of sit with you all day. Yeah, it sat with me all day, bro.
And he won that little war.
Speaker 1 I almost got beat up in my own neighborhood.
Speaker 1 This guy...
Speaker 1 You know what you do? I do the white guy thing when somebody drives too fast. I go like this.
Speaker 1
I love what you do that. I do that.
I love your white guy thing. Yeah, I love your guy white thing.
Yeah, I love it. So this guy flies by me in a, in like a dusty, old, dirty, disgusting pickup truck.
Speaker 1 Yeah.
Speaker 1 And I,
Speaker 1
this thing, you know, one of these. Yeah.
That, you know,
Speaker 1 and I start walking, and then I hear,
Speaker 1
I love when that happens. He backs up and gets right next to me.
And I've got my little dog, my little tiny dog. I love your dog.
And I'm, and I'm scared and nervous. And I see this dude is massive.
Speaker 1
And I'm thinking, great. And now I'm going to get beat up for being, you know, annoyed in my own neighborhood.
Yeah, yeah. And in the most earnest, honest way, he goes, did I do something wrong? I go,
Speaker 1
you sort of going fast. He goes, oh, okay.
Did you flick me off? No, no, no. I was like, you know, annoyed.
Speaker 1
And then I did lie. He goes, you got kids here or something? I go, yes, my family.
I have kids. We live right here.
Speaker 1
Yeah, we always lie. We have little kids.
You have to lie. And he goes, oh, my bad.
Okay, I'll slow down. I was like, thank you very much.
And off he goes.
Speaker 1 My dog looks up at me and goes, we don't have kids.
Speaker 1
I was so scared. He was like Mexican.
He was huge. He seemed like a Mexican.
He was jacked. Yeah.
Dude, I mean, like, shaved head, tats up on the, and he goes, did I do something wrong?
Speaker 1
And I was like, fuck, I'm going to get beat up in my own neighborhood. Yeah.
So beat the shit out of me. But I lied, said I had kids, got him right out of it.
Fine.
Speaker 1
If I said I don't have kids, then he would have been like, oh, then don't be a bitch. And he would have kicked the shit out of me.
You do have to lie. Yeah, it's always all the time.
Speaker 1
We have children here. We have little, little children here.
Yeah, yeah, you have to protect the neighborhood. One of them, you know, is one of them is blind in a wheelchair.
Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1
Sometimes he rolls out in the street and he's just, where am I? Yeah, yeah. He's been hit like four times.
I know. The poor guy.
We're trying to help him out.
Speaker 1 So, the guy, have you seen that guy before? I've seen the truck in the neighborhood. He's working on one of the houses up the street.
Speaker 1 Dude, there is a house they've been working on for the two years that I've been in my neighborhood. Two years.
Speaker 1 The rumor I heard was the couple started it together and then split. So they just stopped and now they're finishing the house.
Speaker 1
And I just can't, like at this point, just leave it. It's all you lost.
Yeah. Like just to stop.
Stop the house. Yeah.
Set it on. Get the.
Speaker 1
Here's what you do. You pay a guy to burn it to the ground and you get the insurance.
Right. Like, I know one of these guys.
Speaker 1
Good fellas. I know one of these guys.
Burn the fucking, that bar down. Burn it.
Yeah, burn it. Get the money.
Yeah. It's not hard to cover up, by the way.
It's so funny.
Speaker 1 When you said that, it's like when I first moved into our house, right?
Speaker 1 i've never had neighbors really and i've never talked to neighbors oh because you before in the condo you didn't condo it's also i'm just not i don't like small talk and who does and i'm also like a weird little fucking guy so anyway um i we you know we were packing one day and this guy comes up this is before the fucking pandemic yeah and he's like this balding kind of fatter older guy he goes what's up man i'm cliff angle
Speaker 1 and i go What? What is that name?
Speaker 1
Cliff, man. I've seen it.
Remember, we've done that commercial in 8898. Oh, right.
Speaker 1
We used to see auditions all the time, man. Welcome to the neighborhood.
So this guy knows you. Right, right.
I go, oh, yeah. Yeah, good.
And he goes, yeah. So anyway, you know, we have these powwows.
Speaker 1 I go, no.
Speaker 1
And I just walked back up. Bye, Cliff Angle.
I left. Cliff Angle.
Cliff Angle. I just made up that name.
I know. I don't want to say his real name.
I know, I know. His real name is.
Okay, I guess.
Speaker 1 Because I make up names.
Speaker 1 And whenever I make up a name, they always come out like names you've never heard heard before, right? By the way, Cliff Engel probably is a real guy. You think so? Yeah.
Speaker 1
But I don't know how to do it. So I don't talk to anybody.
The guy next to us, right, is a producer.
Speaker 1
Like a famous one? Yeah, yeah. You know him.
Oh, okay. Right.
He produces a lot of comedy central shit. Oh, really? Yeah.
Huh. He's the one that,
Speaker 1
I don't know if I should say, fuck it. Say it.
Yeah, I'm going to regret it, but he'll call. He's going to call me and go, that was inappropriate.
Speaker 1
Well, we're not going to call anybody on this show anymore. Exactly.
We're not. Are we? No.
Speaker 1
So we were negotiating. Yeah.
So
Speaker 1 I was looking at houses and then in that in the and then my fucking what you call it the real estate person yeah says um you know the guy that owns the house you actually know him but he doesn't want me to tell you know him because he doesn't want to lower his price oh wow right that's interesting it's interesting right yeah i go yeah but i could just call him and go what the fuck are you doing right you have to
Speaker 1
he goes you cannot tell him what you're not supposed to know who owns the house before you he goes yeah, I didn't know. I didn't know.
I don't know. I didn't know the name even.
Speaker 1 Even when he said, I knew the name,
Speaker 1
he knows me. We've worked together.
You know, when you do a Comedy Central or whatever,
Speaker 1 you don't know all the producers.
Speaker 1
You don't meet people. It's a thousand people.
Yes, he knows who I am, right?
Speaker 1
And I go, oh, and so I had to pretend that I didn't even, you know what I mean, that I didn't know that he owned the house until after I bought it. But even still you don't know.
But now
Speaker 1
I know who he is now because I went to his house. Afterwards, he started inviting me to like his parties.
Does he have a really big, nice house? He does, but he fucked me on the house.
Speaker 1
Why, you overpaid? Yes. Seriously? He wouldn't budge.
So when you go to his house, when he throws parties, steal stuff.
Speaker 1
Oh, yeah. Just take shit.
Yeah, but Jeff Ross is a parallel. They're all there.
Take shit from him, too? Oh, yeah. Fuck that guy.
Yeah. Let people come inside.
You go inside of his house, take stuff.
Speaker 1
Yeah, and then the guy next to me is an old man. The old man.
He's the one. Oh, God.
Does he complain?
Speaker 1
Yeah, I'll have my dog on the backyard. He does.
You don't like him, huh? Yeah, and all of a sudden, like,
Speaker 1
I'll look around, I'll go, he's not here. And then, you know, I'm with the dogs, and all of a sudden, I'll hear, hey, man, keep the dogs down.
He's piping down. I'll go, where the fuck is it?
Speaker 1
And I'll look up and he's in a tree coming down. You know what I mean? Like, he's like in a tree.
You know what I mean?
Speaker 1
Right? And then, like, another dog, I won't see him. I'll go, hey, buddy.
You know, you can keep the dogs down. I'll look around and he's underneath like a bush.
You know what I mean? Popping up.
Speaker 1
I've just been hanging out under the bus. Yeah, yeah.
He's the worst. You don't like him either, do you? No.
No. He's a white guy, isn't he? Yeah, he's white.
What is his name? Do you know his name?
Speaker 1 No, we don't don't know his name. Does he ever say anything to you? No, he doesn't.
Speaker 1 He doesn't. You think this one?
Speaker 1 You think this little one is
Speaker 1 people, like delivery people, they think that she's a mute.
Speaker 1 They think that she is like a handicap mute. They're like, I dropped off a conventional
Speaker 1
handicap daughter. And this girl came out, you know what I mean? This girl came out and didn't speak English.
I go, yeah, but she's normal. No, but she's just like all, you know what I mean?
Speaker 1 Are you sure her eyes are weird? Yeah.
Speaker 1
I don't know if you can trust her. Yeah.
What did you do while Tito was in Hawaii?
Speaker 1
I played games, studied school. You didn't do any fucking schoolwork.
Don't lie. Straight A's is the one.
I know. That's why I said.
Straight A's, baby. You don't do schoolwork.
I do. You do? Yeah.
Speaker 1 I figure you just take the test and you ace it.
Speaker 1 So we didn't talk about.
Speaker 1
There's so much that went on, man. Yeah, we got to talk about it.
We didn't talk about the Capitol riots. Yeah.
We didn't talk about the election. Well, I got hurt in the Capitol riots.
Speaker 1 I fell off of the top a good bit I was climbing I know no I didn't get in I know because you had to climb that wall it's so steep it's so slippery that wall you know I mean and other people had like ropes and different things right yeah materials and then I took a fucking um
Speaker 1 a fucking a pole and I those windows so thick thick as fuck bro this big I kept
Speaker 1
and then I created a hole and then I got from the other side right in my eye he did a little fucking pepper spray right in my eye. So much.
So I had to back up, like, oh, fuck. You know what I mean?
Speaker 1
This revolution ain't working, you know? And so we had to stop. Yeah, but I've been obsessed with that.
You know, it's like, what I've been obsessed is,
Speaker 1 you know, when they're caught up in the moment, right?
Speaker 1 And they're like, yeah, this is it. You know? Right.
Speaker 1 They actually thought that they could overturn and take over the government. Right.
Speaker 1 And then, and then, you know, they got went home. They didn't realize the consequences.
Speaker 1 Yeah, I i know right they probably you know what 20 years yeah right you broke into a federal building are you out of your mind out of your mind
Speaker 1 you would think that you would that would be in your head like is this no because they think there's power in the masses they think they can't get all of us you know how like when you were when you were at a party at a house party and the cops show up yeah and you're like if we all run They're probably not going to get most of us.
Speaker 1
All right. That's how they feel.
They're like, they're not going to catch me. They're going to get like two or three people.
Speaker 1 Yeah, but that was back in the day when there was no social media and cameras yeah yeah yeah i mean these people are like on the their fucking
Speaker 1 what's up
Speaker 1 what's up
Speaker 1 what's up we're at the capital merry
Speaker 1 coz art yeah the guy that works at walgreens
Speaker 1 wednesday to saturday 7 to 8 p.m it's me and they're just like so stupid and i know what they're doing they're bragging to the other their other friends that have the same ideology or they're stuck at home right public being envious like i should be there or too fat to even leave they're probably you know All right, well, let's not get mean.
Speaker 1
Okay, sorry. Let's not get mean.
It's a regional problem.
Speaker 1 Okay, so let me.
Speaker 1 You know, when I was younger,
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Speaker 1
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Speaker 1
Everything's been so chaotic, and everybody's dying. Hank Aaron died.
Larry King died. Oh my God, today Larry King died.
Alex Trebeck died
Speaker 1
a month ago. And they got the new guy, Ken Jennings, doing Jeopardy.
Yeah. And he's nice, but it's not Alex Trebek.
Speaker 1 What are you going to do? Stop the show. No.
Speaker 1
Franchise. I know, but you can't.
Well, then they should get the hologram Alex Trebek in there. Because, dude, okay, listen.
Speaker 1
Let's look at Family Feud. Yeah, Steve.
Richard Dawson, right? Yeah, kissed people on the mouth. He He used to grab girls'
Speaker 1
dress. He goes, Welcome.
Hey, good luck. And you'll get a lot of people.
Top 100 people.
Speaker 1 We asked. Yeah,
Speaker 1 they would do the
Speaker 1 speed run or the fast money.
Speaker 1 And you'd be next to going, he'd go, good luck.
Speaker 1 Right? And right on TV, and people were just like, yay!
Speaker 1
Right? He didn't give a fuck. He's assaulting her.
Yay! Yeah. He was.
The fact that it was okay. No, no one cared.
Yeah, yeah. And then you had several different hosts.
Five, I think.
Speaker 1
Before, like before Steve Harvey. Yeah.
But Steve Harvey is killing it on that show. He is.
He's so funny on that show. Yeah, but that's because the show involves humor.
Right. Jeopardy isn't funny.
Speaker 1
Dr. Dawson isn't a funny guy.
He was back then.
Speaker 1
He was back then. He was okay funny.
Because in the middle of asking, he would just honk a ton. All right.
I know, but that's okay.
Speaker 1 But what I'm saying, though, is that you'll find a guy eventually. I don't know, man.
Speaker 1 The reason that I I think it's tough with Jeopardy is because
Speaker 1 how do you read a question in that way that he used to? That was like, he was intelligent, so you believed he knew the answer, even if I don't know if he ever did. And then also, it was like,
Speaker 1
it sounded like a, it was like a book. It sounded like it was pre-made.
All those questions were like perfect for him to read.
Speaker 1
And anybody else that does it sounds like when Andres asks, like, Andres, ask us a trivia question. Watch.
Look at how hard it is. Hey, guys.
Speaker 1 See what I mean? I'm turning the channel immediately. Hey guys.
Speaker 1
Gone. I know.
Finish it this question though. Who directed Elf? John Favreau.
Speaker 1 No.
Speaker 1 No.
Speaker 1 Who is
Speaker 1 Adam McKay?
Speaker 1
John Favreau. Damn.
Bobby Williams.
Speaker 1
Did you really think it was Andrew McKay? Adam McKay? Adam McKay. No, I didn't know who fucking directed Elf.
I know John Favreau did it. No, I mean, I know now.
Yeah, yeah. Yeah, thanks to Fancy B.
Speaker 1
Yeah. Actually, you could take the job, B.
That was pretty good. You know, Jon Favreau is Favreau.
Whatever. Favorite Roe.
Favreau. Favreau.
Speaker 1
What a career. Rudy.
What a career, though.
Speaker 1 I'm saying he started in Rudy as like the dumpy best friend.
Speaker 1
I know, right, right. He was in that.
Huge. Yeah, and then
Speaker 1 because. Swingers.
Speaker 1
Swingers is what did it, though. Well, that's what.
Because they. See, I think Swingers is what did Vince as a movie icon.
I think it made Favreau a piece of the business forever.
Speaker 1
Right, but no one knew who the fuck those two were. No, I told the fucking swingers.
They fucking wrote that thing, produced that thing, right? And they made that thing happen. Yeah.
Speaker 1
It's like that, you know, you and I might do a Netflix movie. Yes.
We got to make that happen. No, we have to do it.
Yeah, yeah. Because the fans want us to do something.
You got to put fucking...
Speaker 1
No, I'm not putting her in. Can you act? Can you act? No.
She can't be the pizza girl to come over one day and just knock knock. Let's see.
Speaker 1
Let's audition you right now. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, so we're... All right, we're hanging out playing video games and you're dropping off pizza.
Let's go.
Speaker 1
Yeah, yeah. Come on.
Well, let's do some dialogue before. Okay, go ahead.
So, what line is it when she interrupts? So, um, the line that you'll give you the line, all right? Yeah, Dag Nabit, right?
Speaker 1
The red guys behind the wall. Okay, that's my line.
That's your line. Okay.
All right, here we go. So I'm going to be like, ah, God, man.
Speaker 1 Is your
Speaker 1 internet janky? Yeah, I don't know what's going on. I mean, mom!
Speaker 1 Mom!
Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah, I'm sorry, dude.
Speaker 1
Maybe she should get up for a tablet. I'll get down.
Get down, get down, get down.
Speaker 1
The red guy's behind the wall. He's behind the tag.
Named.
Speaker 1 Oh.
Speaker 1
We have a doorbell. Why would somebody yell ding-dong? Yeah, they just yell ding-dong and yelling.
What a weird pizza person.
Speaker 1
Yeah, hello. I'll get it.
Hello. You get it.
Hello. Hi.
Did you order
Speaker 1 pizza? Yeah, we did. What did they say? Three hours ago.
Speaker 1
Yeah, of course we ordered it. Of course, we did three hours ago.
I'm sorry. This is your pizza.
Oh, where were you?
Speaker 1
Traffic. Really? It's two blocks away.
The dominoes. There's still traffic.
Speaker 1
There was an accident. Anyway.
Timeout. We don't have to pay for this, do we?
Speaker 1 You need to tip me.
Speaker 1 Wow, what? It's like a ransom or something.
Speaker 1
Wow. All right.
How much do you want? Yeah, what do you want?
Speaker 1 $5.
Speaker 1
All right. Wow, that's pretty reasonable.
Yeah. All right, here.
Just throw it on the ground. That's fine.
Here, pick it up. Pick it it up.
Pick it up. Thank you.
Have a good day. She's hired.
Speaker 1 She's hired. You're hired for the gig.
Speaker 1 I think you're good.
Speaker 1
You know what? Pizza people always bow before they leave. Bow.
Thank you. There you go.
Yeah, you have to bow. That's how you close out a pizza scene.
Speaker 1
All right. We'll do it.
We'll make the movie with you. And we'll do it.
Did you have fun while you're in Hawaii filming or no?
Speaker 1 You know, it's.
Speaker 1 Oh, timeout. Before you answer that, did you miss me?
Speaker 1
You know, you annoyed me. Did you miss me? I didn't know.
I miss you. No.
You suck.
Speaker 1 I was trying to rework my relationship with you
Speaker 1 in Hawaii. Because I want to be honest.
Speaker 1
I was reworking my relationship with you. At the end of the day, I realized we were meant to do this together, and it's a good team.
You know what I mean? Yeah. Yeah.
Speaker 1 But I don't want to bring it back up, but there was something that you said in a previous podcast that I was a little irritated by, right? Yeah. We're not going to bring it up.
Speaker 1 And I had to rework that in my mind.
Speaker 1
But then I, as the days went on, here's what did it. I worked you through that existential crisis that you had.
Yeah, so here's what did it, though, that made me go, oh, that
Speaker 1 so I hate to admit this.
Speaker 1 So I was there because every other day I had to wake up, even my days off, and I had to get a COVID test. Yeah.
Speaker 1 So in the morning, like if there was a 9:30 COVID pickup, right, sometimes I would be there with other actors. Yeah.
Speaker 1
And there was a young actress, not really that young, but a good actress actress that you know. Oh, yeah, yeah.
I didn't know her. Yeah.
Yeah.
Speaker 1 And she were in the, and she's like, hey, hey, are you Bobby Lee? And I go, yeah. And she goes, I'm so-and-so.
Speaker 1 You know, and I wasn't, you know, I'm friends with all these people that you're friends with, right? But she didn't bring your name up. And then, so, you know, during all the COVID tests, one time
Speaker 1 she was talking about podcasting, and I go, she goes, you have a podcast, right? I go, yeah, I have one with, I do one with myself and my girlfriend, and then I have another one with another comedian.
Speaker 1 She's like, who? I go, Andrew Santino. And she went googly-eyed she's oh my god he's so funny
Speaker 1 I swear to god no yeah no I'm being real didn't we text you or called you you did you did you go so I go he goes she goes oh my god he's so funny I know him yeah he's great and the other actress was like Andrew Santino and I go holy fuck it was annoying me yeah I know I go I'm right here bitch
Speaker 1
I'm here too bitch she knew who you were yeah so anyway they were they were really excited, right? And they told stories. Yeah.
With you involved. So that's when I went,
Speaker 1 oh, he's known.
Speaker 1
You know what I mean? Where it's like, no, he's just not known in the comedy world because they're actresses. They're not comedians.
Yeah, I've worked out. They're legitimate actresses.
Speaker 1
The one you text me with, we worked here. That's how you do it.
Yeah, I mean, she's been in Aaron Sork and things, and she's a huge, incredible. She's incredible.
She's such a good actress.
Speaker 1 Great actress, right? So when I'm around like elitist actresses and actors, right? And they they knew me. And then they get excited about you, right?
Speaker 1 It makes me realize, oh, he might have some other heat that I'm not aware of.
Speaker 1 You know what I mean? So
Speaker 1 if I didn't have heat,
Speaker 1 you would not be forgetting.
Speaker 1 If I didn't have heat, you wouldn't want to do it with me either.
Speaker 1
I don't know what heat means to me. Yeah, yeah, you do.
You know what I'm saying? It's just that you, in your, you've calculated your mind, right? Even before you even asked me to do this, right?
Speaker 1
Who would I team up with that would be the best in terms of chemistry? Well, in terms. Not heat.
To me, the scale was who was the most fun? Who was the funniest to me?
Speaker 1 I understand that, but there are open, there's a couple of open micers, right? Yeah. That I could say to myself,
Speaker 1 I think I could do a podcast with that person. That's the most offensive thing you've ever said to me.
Speaker 1 Like in the most genuine way. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1 You could do a podcast just with any random open mic guy? I'm just, there have been,
Speaker 1
but I would never ask them because they don't have heat. That's insane.
That's not insane. It's insane.
What do you mean? And what?
Speaker 1 You
Speaker 1 what? Go ahead.
Speaker 1
I literally didn't mean to offend him, but now that I did, this makes me excited. What hurts me the most is that.
I accidentally offended you. Go ahead.
No, I can't yell because my voice today.
Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah, go ahead. It's just so annoying because it's
Speaker 1 not on my brand. There are open micros that I've seen and went, I would have better chemistry with them and it would be a better podcast, but they don't have heat.
Speaker 1 You know what I mean? And it's like, you know. Name one.
Speaker 1 That's how I don't even memorize their names. I just, I've seen them and I go,
Speaker 1
yeah, that would be better. But he has no heat.
So therefore, you know what I mean? So it's like, I know what you're doing, but it's not, and it's not working. It is working.
No, it's not.
Speaker 1 Because I know your face, and there are things that you do with your face, right?
Speaker 1 That, you know, you know, it's so funny because.
Speaker 1 So,
Speaker 1
I want to say something we're going to do. All right, Andres.
Let me finish. Andres, let's play your game.
No, no, no, no. Let me finish what I was going to say.
Speaker 1 Let me just finish what I was going to say, please, please.
Speaker 1 So, you know, there's two things.
Speaker 1 And this is something I realized before I met, like, I've worked with you on this, right? Yes.
Speaker 1 When white people have crow's feet, which is these wrinkles here, right?
Speaker 1 I always
Speaker 1 looked at that as a marker of someone being happy. Because they smile all the time and that's what creates their crow's feet in their eyes, right?
Speaker 1 But you're the first person I've met where, no, rage does that too.
Speaker 1 Rage creates crow's feet.
Speaker 1
Because, no, you smile, right? But your smile is through about through a rage. Yes.
And anger is it. So you'll smile like, you know what I mean? This is going to get crazy.
You know what I mean?
Speaker 1
Which creates the crow's feet because your crow's feet isn't from rage. No, it is.
Yeah, yeah. You're right.
And you know, what I'm saying, I think you misinterpreted what I was saying.
Speaker 1
What I'm saying is, is that, let's go back to us, right? It's that, you know, when I was with... You know, people, people were worried that we were going to stop the show.
Why?
Speaker 1
Because your existential crisis that you had on the show. People were like, they're going to stop.
It's going to be over.
Speaker 1 And then people watched Tiger Belly and they were like, what did you say to Bobby? What did you do to Bobby?
Speaker 1 Nothing.
Speaker 1 Dude, to do. And let me say this.
Speaker 1
I don't even know what I said last time. I don't know either.
Let me say this.
Speaker 1
I missed you a lot when you were in Hawaii. Oh, my God.
I thought about you every day. Holy shit.
I had one nightmare about you. What is that?
Speaker 1 I had a nightmare you died in Hawaii, and I didn't call you, but I was going to call you to tell you.
Speaker 1
I'm not kidding. I had a nightmare you got hit by a car.
Yeah. Walking to dinner.
Speaker 1
Did you walk to dinner one night? Every night. There's no one.
Where else am I going to go? So I'm psychic. You were walking to dinner.
You got hit by like a, you know, those three-wheeled cars?
Speaker 1
Two in the back, one in the front? Yeah. Hawaii, they're all over the place.
Beep, beep. Yeah, yeah.
You get hit by one. Yeah.
And a big Kiwana guy gets, you know, oh, bro, I didn't see you, bro.
Speaker 1
Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm coming back from the coffee or the pineapple, whatever.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1
Yeah, yeah. And you're like, and you were, and you were all twisted up.
And he was like, shit, dude, I think you're dying, bro.
Speaker 1
And you were like, and I am. And you could tell you were dying.
And he said, any last words? And you were like, tell Andrew Santino I'm sorry. And that I love him.
Speaker 1 And he means the world to me.
Speaker 1
And then you were out. And and then you died.
And I woke up.
Speaker 1 And I ran to my phone. And I was going to text you.
Speaker 1 But I didn't.
Speaker 1 And I knew you were okay.
Speaker 1 All right, Andreas, what's the game? No,
Speaker 1 let me add on to that, please.
Speaker 1 Give me an opportunity to add on.
Speaker 1 And just to let the fans know. Let the fans know.
Speaker 1 That number one,
Speaker 1 I didn't, I don't remember
Speaker 1 what I did last time. Yeah, you had like a breakdown almost.
Speaker 1
Okay. No, it was honest.
It was great. Fine.
I'm just, I'm honest today. Yeah.
So I don't know. I remember.
Number two,
Speaker 1
that was also because we had to backlog. So it just got to the point where...
We were doing too many episodes.
Speaker 1
You know, you do Tiger Belly, and then you do whiskey, and we do so many in a week. It was a lot.
Eventually, it's like you just go, I don't know what else to fucking say.
Speaker 1 Well, even, you know, I don't even know what.
Speaker 1
We were doing too many. We're too many.
And also, it's like you need to, you know, take breaks so you can, you know, re-energize. 100%.
Speaker 1 So anyway, and number two,
Speaker 1 you're not, the only way this will end, you know what I mean, is if
Speaker 1 we just physically can't do it anymore in terms of like, we're too busy or, you know, or somebody dies or something happens. I mean, I have been thinking about death in Hawaii a lot.
Speaker 1 You know, I downloaded a book called The Certainty of Death. Yeah.
Speaker 1
It was written. I forgot who was in it.
It was written in the 70s. You know, I've been thinking about death a lot.
So that's not, no, truly, I did have a dream.
Speaker 1
It was really weird that you say that because I've never thought about death as much as I did when I was in Hawaii. That's why I had a dream.
It's really weird. We are connected.
Speaker 1
Look at me. I hate it.
Don't. Look at me in the eyes.
You can say whatever you want. I want to look at you, though.
Look at me in the eyes. Please.
We are connected.
Speaker 1
So, what I'm saying is. What were you thinking about dying? But I did have a dream about you dying.
Hawaii is weird. And
Speaker 1
here's what got me out of it. Yeah.
And this is real.
Speaker 1
So I was thinking about death all the time. Because when you have eight days off and you're alone.
What are you doing? What are you doing? You're just walking around. Netflix.
Speaker 1 You start thinking about death. Yeah.
Speaker 1 And then I said,
Speaker 1 okay, so I'm 49.
Speaker 1 You know,
Speaker 1
I'm not the healthiest guy in the world. Let's just, you know.
You're not unhealthy. Yeah, but let's say Maradonna died.
You know, Maradonna, correct. He died, and he was 60.
Speaker 1 He just recently died a couple of months ago. Yeah.
Speaker 1 Let's suppose I'm like, because he has the same body as I do, too. Maradonna.
Speaker 1
He's a little soft. Yeah, yeah.
No, he's just, you know, roly-poly-ish. You know what I mean? He did a lot of,
Speaker 1 he did a lot of drugs. He doesn't eat well.
Speaker 1 So I said, if I, if, so, I'm, I'm just going to take every moment and
Speaker 1
just milk every moment and just be grounded in in the present moment. That's cool.
It's the only way to do it. That's awesome.
Speaker 1
Because if you start thinking about death, then it's your whole day is fucked. Yeah, what do you do? It's not good.
What's the game?
Speaker 1 The game.
Speaker 1
When you can do it next time for next time. No, no, no.
We're doing the game. I think we're going to do the game.
We're doing the game.
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Speaker 1 Okay, so
Speaker 1 in front of you, you guys have a couple cards.
Speaker 1 They are describing an animal. And you guys have to, without any miming only by doing sounds you have to make that animal happen you know and the other people have to guess which animal
Speaker 1 you can't mime that's impossible it's just the sounds
Speaker 1 this game is this game let me just say about this game this is the kind of game that you play when you're taking intermediate or beginning improv classes even before that
Speaker 1 parking lot exercise yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah this is terrible all right let's hear
Speaker 1
Let's hear Rudy. That's the funniest part, by the way, is that you and I are like, this is so stupid.
We're gonna play.
Speaker 1 All right, time starts now. Go.
Speaker 1 I don't even know if they make sounds.
Speaker 1 Yeah, my second one is impossible.
Speaker 1 What is it?
Speaker 1
I know. I already know.
What is it? I know. It's an elephant.
No. No.
All right. Don't yell at me.
Speaker 1 Can I give a hint? No. No.
Speaker 1
I know what it is. What? Octopus.
Yeah. It's octopus.
No, what?
Speaker 1 Because when she does this,
Speaker 1 can't use hands.
Speaker 1 Can't use the hands.
Speaker 1
You have to use hands. Hands is the only thing.
How about this? We try voice first. If it doesn't do it, then the second one is hands.
Okay.
Speaker 1
All right. All right.
My first one's easy. I got it.
Speaker 1 Donkey.
Speaker 1 And my second one is,
Speaker 1 oh, this one really doesn't make noise. You know, my second one doesn't make any noise.
Speaker 1 The second one's like, second one's like,
Speaker 1 a bear? I know what it is. No, but it's not.
Speaker 1
I know what it is. It's this guy.
Kind of a giraffe. No, no, no.
Speaker 1
It's a giraffe. They're really big.
Oh, don't tell. You can't describe them.
Speaker 1 Yeah, rhino.
Speaker 1
Rhino, rhino. Rhino.
Buffalo.
Speaker 1
Buffalo. Buffalo.
Listen, the sound he makes sounds like what he is. Okay, go.
Moo.
Speaker 1 A cow.
Speaker 1 No, that's obviously not a cow.
Speaker 1 Whoa, you're ready? Yeah, yeah. Listen, listen to the sound he makes.
Speaker 1 Moo. Moo.
Speaker 1 Moo.
Speaker 1
Moo, bear. Moose.
Bear. Panda.
Panda. Listen to the letters.
All right, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1 Moose. Mo.
Speaker 1 Moose.
Speaker 1 Moose. You're a fucking moose.
Speaker 1
Yeah, yeah. All right, my turn.
All right, you go.
Speaker 1 Bing.
Speaker 1
Oh, come on. What? That's too easy.
Genes. Yeah.
Genius. Okay, genius.
The second one is. You're a good actor.
Speaker 1
I've never heard of those. Well, so we can see.
Oh, yeah, yeah, sorry.
Speaker 1 Did you see it? No, okay, go.
Speaker 1 How about this?
Speaker 1 Fire.
Speaker 1 I'm on fire.
Speaker 1 Do you not know?
Speaker 1 Okay, now if I do the hands, right? The body will give it away. Koala.
Speaker 1 Do the sound again.
Speaker 1 What does a kaloala sound like? I have no idea. What do they sound like, Andres?
Speaker 1
That game is so dumb. If we would have opened with that game, it would have ruined the podcast.
Honestly, I really love the game, though. It was pretty good.
Speaker 1 That's what my house sounds like right now.
Speaker 1 That's how many animals are in my fucking house. What was that? What is that? That was a koala.
Speaker 1 Oh, my God. Oh, that's a koala?
Speaker 1 That's crazy. Is that their mating sound?
Speaker 1 Stop that. Oh, well, I was kind of right when I went.
Speaker 1 You did. You got the squeaky.
Speaker 1 Yeah. I didn't know they snort like that, though.
Speaker 1
Look at this video. I want to show you.
I saw this again, and this is. You want to really put a smile on your face? Yeah.
Okay. Because I know we prayed at the beginning of the episode.
Yeah.
Speaker 1 We're all very spiritual in our own way.
Speaker 1 And I want to tell you something. For the non-believers out there,
Speaker 1 if you find spirituality in your life, it can fix you. Watch.
Speaker 1 I'm not gay no more. I am delivered.
Speaker 1 I would not tear a purse. I would not put on makeup.
Speaker 1
So this is an old clip. People on the internet know this, but it popped up on my feed somehow again.
Yeah, I don't know why. And it brought so much joy in my heart.
I've never seen that before at all.
Speaker 1
Really? It's the saddest video I've ever seen in my life. Wait a minute.
George, can you, there's a part where he starts dancing. Do you have the rest of it or no? Is that it?
Speaker 1 Oh, my God.
Speaker 1 Woo! Woo! Oh, my God.
Speaker 1
How great. Oh, my God.
All right, that's good. Oh, my God.
He was shaking out the gay ghosts. I know.
Shaking out.
Speaker 1 So when do you think the next time he fucking sucked the dick is
Speaker 1 right after?
Speaker 1 Right after.
Speaker 1
So by the way, this guy, this is an old clip. People on the internet know it just, it's a resurface, but this guy went back into the interview with his boyfriend.
Like, which guy?
Speaker 1
The guy that just said that? I'm not gay no more. Like a year later was like, look, okay, obviously I'm gay still.
This is insane. It's so crazy.
Speaker 1 Here in November of 2014,
Speaker 1
and the Thank Lewis, it was our holy convocation that we have every year. I was new to the church of God for the first time.
Timeout. Okay, push pause for a second.
Speaker 1
Let me tell you something. I don't care how much God you've got.
Yeah. You're not flipping this guy.
Speaker 1 This guy is gay.
Speaker 1 God made this, by the way. God made this human.
Speaker 1
He made him beautiful and unique. You're not flipping this.
This guy is not going to fuck you up. He's not on the fit.
No. Fucking no.
No. He's not like
Speaker 1 some other guys.
Speaker 1
That's my biggest problem is the idea. You were saying it.
The idea that you're going to shake the gay out of somebody. Right.
That's the weirdest shit.
Speaker 1
Who was insane enough to even say that? And people bought it. They're like, you can just pray it out.
Yeah. And they, this is, this isn't like 200 years ago.
This is like 10.
Speaker 1 This guy is, yeah, on the other spectrum of gay.
Speaker 1
You know what I mean? Like, if there was a pendulum of gay, yeah, he's, you know, this is the guy, right? They does the extra shit. Yeah, he's extra.
Right? Like, you come in my ass, right?
Speaker 1
And this is the rest of his face walk up to the best, stick it in the cup, shit in the cup, right? And just drinks the other. Yeah, he's that kind of guy.
He shot classes his own, come out of his ass.
Speaker 1
He's extra. You can't, the idea that someone could change you is so funny to me that it's like, you could just pray it away.
If you just say it's not there, it's not there. Yeah.
Speaker 1
That's so, that's so nuts. Yeah.
My neighbor, I told you this, right? My neighbor went to pray away the gay camp. Yeah.
You know what he said to me? What?
Speaker 1 He goes, as a in-the-closet 15-year-old boy, What do you think was more heavenly for me going to church with my parents and hiding it or going going to a gay camp with a bunch of repressed gay kids in the woods alone.
Speaker 1 Oh my god, you sent a gay kid. You know how excited I'd be? He was like, it was, he's like, it was a candy store of penis.
Speaker 1
Oh my God. He's like, all we did was blow each other.
That's all we did the whole time. Oh, my God.
You know how exciting that is?
Speaker 1 He was like, why did he's like, I can't believe my mom thought that was going to get gay out of it. How many counselors do they have there to like keep an eye on them? Because if there was only one.
Speaker 1 By the way, all the counselors are also. Oh, no, really? Yeah, they're also like, you need, they're like religious.
Speaker 1 Like, you you need to get the you need to get I can come tuck you in if you need prayer with God
Speaker 1 Wow, yeah, he was like it's he's like it was basically my parents paid for me to go learn about sex for the first time And they thought the whole time it's like you're going there to get fixed or whatever the fuck they call it
Speaker 1 It's kooky shit
Speaker 1 because I don't know much about religion. Are they more accepting of gays now or no?
Speaker 1
Yeah, it depends on what religion no because I know in LA right they have what's that called mosaic or yeah yeah yeah yeah. Those types of like that new New Age churches.
New age Christian churches.
Speaker 1
They're still Christian. Most Christians.
And I know gay guys that go there. Yeah, most Christian.
And then a church. Right? And you're like, what kind of church are you going to? Mosaic.
Yeah.
Speaker 1
Right. And they just go.
Well, mosaic does sound like.
Speaker 1
It does sound like a a pretty gay character. Right, right.
No, all the most, I would say all Christian sub-religions are okay with. I mean, dude, the Pope openly said,
Speaker 1 Search this, George, but the Pope said something about this new Pope was okay with gay marriage. And I think a lot of the old Catholic Church was angry at him because they were like, what?
Speaker 1 And he's like, who the fuck care? I mean, who could fucking
Speaker 1 who could care less? But Pope Francis, yeah, his belief about same-sex marriage, he doesn't care.
Speaker 1 But for the longest time, it was, you know, it was, it was, I think it's the, I think, I think most people in America don't give a shit. I think it's slowly,
Speaker 1
I think their focus more now in religion is the whole abortion thing. Right.
That's always. It's shifted.
It's shifted toward abortion, I think. Right, right.
Speaker 1 Where it's like, I think they can sit through, like, you know, I mean, because at some point they're
Speaker 1 at some point, they're like, can't stop these gays. I mean, we can try to stop these babies.
Speaker 1 Yeah, I mean, I mean, dude, honestly, for some reason that popped up today in my Twitter feed was someone had retweeted like the anniversary of when Sinead O'Connor ripped up the picture of the Pope on SNL.
Speaker 1 Do you remember that? Yes, I love that one. That was such a big thing.
Speaker 1 That was the end of her career for a second. Well, yeah, especially
Speaker 1
here's a kid where you're from Ireland. These people couldn't be more Catholic.
Right. Right? It was like so defamatory.
Speaker 1
She was trying to send a message, not about the Pope himself, about the Catholic Church and covering up all the filthy shit that they do. Yeah, yeah.
But
Speaker 1 it ruined her for a while. No, it was the end
Speaker 1
of her career. Yeah, it was over.
Yeah. It was over.
That one moment was just like, that's what's hard for me to watch that. Yeah, it was crazy.
I'm a huge Senate O'Connor fan.
Speaker 1
Yeah, she was incredible. She still is.
I still listen to her new music. I don't know any new music videos.
It's good. Yeah, it is.
Yeah, but it's like no one listens to it because of that.
Speaker 1
Two moments. Two moments on SNL Ruin People's Career.
That one, music-wise, and Ashley Simpson. Do you remember that? Yeah, where she lip-synced over the fuck.
That was. Can we see that video?
Speaker 1
That's maybe one of the funniest videos I've ever seen in my life because the track plays before she gets to sing. Right.
So watch.
Speaker 1 See?
Speaker 1 See?
Speaker 1 Pause it.
Speaker 1
She doesn't know what to do. The track started playing before the band could start playing their music.
I would have been like this, right? As soon as... Right, start singing.
Speaker 1
Let me be the actual thing. I can't sing.
You can sing. Let me be singing my voice.
Be the actual thing. Do it.
Watch what I do. Rudy, do it.
Go. Wait, wait, wait.
What song?
Speaker 1
Just make it up. Just make it up.
Any song. Go.
Hello. Right, do you see how cook I did that?
Speaker 1
Right. Do you see how cook I did that? Do it again.
Rudy, do it again. Go.
I'd just be standing with her. Hell no.
Speaker 1 You have to do a quick. Do it again.
Speaker 1 Do it, because I like it. Do it again.
Speaker 1 Wait, wait. I'm talking to my guy.
Speaker 1 So when is it going to start? Hello.
Speaker 1
You have to do a quick. That looks so good.
Yeah, yeah. And then people would be like, yeah, she got some of the voice.
Yeah, maybe it's just the mic was far. But the mic caught it.
That's all. Yeah.
Speaker 1
Yeah, the mic was far. You could argue it.
Yo, the mic caught it. It was really loud.
Yeah.
Speaker 1
And then they lowered it. Whatever.
Yeah. This is a perfect time, by the way, for me to do something real quick because they know what I'm going to do.
Speaker 1 We got sent a song, a love ballad for Rudy. Okay.
Speaker 1 Wait, a guy is in love with her?
Speaker 1
It's a lot. Okay.
Okay. This man sent a love ballad for Rudy, for Rudy Jules.
Speaker 1 I got it forwarded to me through our production team. And the title, literally in the email, was, I don't know.
Speaker 1
Meaning, like, I don't know what he's saying. I don't get it.
I listened to this no less than 20 times.
Speaker 1
I literally couldn't figure out what he was saying. No offense to the dude.
It's a sweet song. I don't know what he's saying.
Speaker 1 So I said to the guys, okay, we got to see if we can guess what this dude is saying. Okay, let's hear if we can, let's see if we can make out what he's trying to say.
Speaker 1 It's pretty good, though. Okay.
Speaker 1
I know I want to know what he's saying. It's pretty good, though.
So they put together some bad friends there.
Speaker 1 Do we think he said, take my hanging gun, tonight we die while we dance, or tape my Hanukkah, tonight we dine on all the ants. Let's hear it again and let's see if we can figure it out.
Speaker 1 Take my hand
Speaker 1 tonight
Speaker 1 and dance.
Speaker 1 Stop.
Speaker 1 It's not Hangun, it's not either one of them. I think it's one of them.
Speaker 1 Take my hand tonight.
Speaker 1 Take my hand tonight.
Speaker 1 Yeah,
Speaker 1 we don't want a bad
Speaker 1 hand tonight.
Speaker 1 Let me sing it. Let's start over, right? Start it again.
Speaker 1 Stop.
Speaker 1 Take my hand alone tonight. No, he just goes, take my hand alone.
Speaker 1 Tonight. No, he just says, ah.
Speaker 1 Take my hand.
Speaker 1 There it is. Okay.
Speaker 1
Okay, then we got that first. Take my hand alone.
And then tonight. We know he says tonight.
Tonight. Okay, so tonight.
Go ahead.
Speaker 1 Stop.
Speaker 1 What? Die, we dance.
Speaker 1
That's what the first one says. Yeah, yeah.
Die while we no, die, we dance. Perfect.
All right, let's go to the second piece. Okay, go to the Second piece.
Speaker 1 Stop.
Speaker 1 Okay. Okay.
Speaker 1 Very hard to make out.
Speaker 1 I feel like it's the slender man that likes it.
Speaker 1
I mean, that's some creepy ass. Let me see the second card, George.
What does it say?
Speaker 1 This is it.
Speaker 1
Oh, I'm sorry. That's it right there.
They won't run the dance. They won't run the stairs.
I want to run the stairs.
Speaker 1 Or is it gays don't own the dance? They just run the staff. That's what I want.
Speaker 1
I want it to be B. Will you sing it for me? Because I can't sing.
Card.
Speaker 1 Gays don't own the dance.
Speaker 1 They just run the staff. That's good.
Speaker 1 All right. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1 Can I sing the whole song the way it's written? Here we go, right? Give me the lyrics.
Speaker 1 I want to say something.
Speaker 1 I'll go to Bandcamp, right? Because I love
Speaker 1
lo-fi bedroom recording. That's one of the things I follow.
That's what this is. That's what it is.
I honestly like the song. You like the song? Yeah, it's different.
It's really cool.
Speaker 1
Yeah, it's different. Yeah, it's different.
I know. I just want to know what he sang.
Yeah. So we're trying to figure out what it is.
Speaker 1
What we would like, I like to do now is start from the beginning and have Jules sing the whole thing. Because he wrote it for you.
Yeah, he did. Okay?
Speaker 1 What? Fuck you.
Speaker 1
You're doing it. All All right.
I don't know what you're trying to do, but this is your song. Okay.
You ready?
Speaker 1 Start with A.
Speaker 1 Take my hanging gun.
Speaker 1 Tonight we'll dance
Speaker 1 while we dance.
Speaker 1 They won't run the stairs.
Speaker 1 I wanna run the stairs.
Speaker 1 Love me how you would
Speaker 1 work with me.
Speaker 1 Okay, that's good.
Speaker 1 That's good. Very good.
Speaker 1
Very good. That guy wrote a song for me.
That guy wrote a song for how do you feel about it? It's nice. I like it.
Let me see the next couple of cards. What's the next one? Just the cards.
Speaker 1 The next one was either Moth, Dance, Dance, Dance, Hung, Tonight's the Night We Dance, Dunce, Dunce, Dunce, Tonight's the Night We Dunce.
Speaker 1 And what's the last? Is that the last card?
Speaker 1 That's the last one.
Speaker 1
Can you send me the song? I really like it. Send him the song.
We just got to figure out what he's saying. It's crazy.
Speaker 1 Are you into this dude, maybe?
Speaker 1 Like, could this be a potential date? Can I see his face? Do you have his face, George?
Speaker 1
No, but I talked to him. He's a real nice guy.
He's a nice guy. You don't know what he looks like then?
Speaker 1
No, we don't. He sounds like a cute kid.
No, but do you know what he looks like? Just off-screen, we're not going to show it on the show, but do you know what he looks like? No. No, we don't.
Speaker 1 Oh, well, then.
Speaker 1 No, but we could set it up.
Speaker 1
Yeah, tell him to send a fucking photo, man. Tell him to send a photo, man.
Yeah.
Speaker 1
Honestly, it's a fun song. It's a good song.
But when I heard it, I was like, I just don't know what he's saying. Yeah.
Tonight, tonight we... Here's where we put a lot of it together.
Speaker 1 It's called Beauty and the Beast. That's how he titled the song Beauty and the Beast.
Speaker 1
Is that really? Yeah, 100%. Then he's ugly.
No, no, he's saying she's the beauty.
Speaker 1
She's the beast. He's the beauty.
Oh, he's the beauty.
Speaker 1
I think he's a male model. Oh, wow.
Yeah. You know, I was, I, you know, I ran into a guy in Hawaii, and he
Speaker 1
was like this guy. It was socially distanced, but he came up to me.
He was like, this large Hawaiian man.
Speaker 1 And he goes, Hey,
Speaker 1
bad friends, right? I go, Yeah, I go. And we kind of socially distanced talked.
And he goes, I go, why do you like it? And he goes,
Speaker 1 it's because you guys
Speaker 1 say things that you know society is trying to take away,
Speaker 1 you know what I mean? But I don't see it that way. I mean,
Speaker 1 I mean, like the things that we say, right, I don't think is like going against, you know,
Speaker 1
PC culture or. No, we're just having fun being us.
Yeah, it was just two guys talking, right? But it's not like we purposely,
Speaker 1
you know. I think he's saying that we just are free with what we talk, what we do.
But there's still certain things like, you know,
Speaker 1
we won't say. Yeah, like, go ahead, say it right now and we'll beep it.
Go. I'll put a mask on, right? But but you say something
Speaker 1 okay this is gonna be fun but here okay
Speaker 1 ready
Speaker 1 but you go first because I don't trust you no you go first go ahead
Speaker 1 go ahead
Speaker 1 Look at me. Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1 He goes, look at me.
Speaker 1 He goes, look at me.
Speaker 1 No, no, no. I won't say
Speaker 1 she won't see it.
Speaker 1 It's fun. It's fun.
Speaker 1
Okay. I don't think we say anything bad on the show.
No.
Speaker 1 No, you know what he was saying, though? He just says that we come on here and we have a good time and we have fun. Yeah.
Speaker 1
It's so that is freeing, though. It is so nice, dude.
God, it's freeing, but you can't do it.
Speaker 1
There should be a place that you could go and yell racial epithets and cuss words and in any form in like a comfortable setting. Like everyone gets together in a room.
You know they have cat cafes?
Speaker 1
Yeah, yeah. You know, and you like buy a coffee and you get to pet random cats.
Yeah. Like in Japanese.
Or like the purge. We have one day.
One day you can say
Speaker 1
whatever you want, like the purge. Out loud.
Yeah. Think of November 12th.
Speaker 1
November 12th is say whatever you want to say. Say everyone is saying.
Yeah. And And people walk up to me, hey gook.
And I'll just be like, hi.
Speaker 1
Yeah. It's allowed.
I think there should be a purge, a purge racial epithet cuss word day.
Speaker 1
Or a cafe would be nice. That's what I'm saying.
A sign that says, like you said, you know what I mean?
Speaker 1 You can say whatever you want in this cafe. Right.
Speaker 1
No physical harming though. No, no, no.
And by the way, it has to be all in good fun. It's in good fun.
Right? Yeah, yeah. Like a guy walks in, you pay your money, you have to buy a coffee.
Speaker 1
You know, they make you buy a coffee. You buy a coffee.
You have to buy a coffee. You can't just loiter.
Well, it'd be weird to be standing there with your hands by your your side being like
Speaker 1 you also have to wear a mask it's you know what i mean yeah yeah we all the rules we have right
Speaker 1 wear a mask wear a mask yeah come in and you only say whatever you want say whatever you want but it's a time limit you only get 15 minutes yeah you got to get it all out in 15 minutes should we open up a place like that call it safe space safe space we'll call it safe space that's the polar opposite of what safe spaces are right now You know, on college campuses, they have safe spaces where people feel offended.
Speaker 1
Do you know about this? No, I'm trying to think to myself, like, if that would work. I don't think it would.
Why?
Speaker 1
If anybody would come. Really? Yeah.
And I don't think
Speaker 1 people would come in and
Speaker 1
walk in. They'll probably walk in like this.
But me and you. And it's like, and they'll see a Mexican person and they'll go, hey.
And they won't do it. Let's be honest.
Yeah.
Speaker 1
This would be only white people that would come and do this. That's true.
Yeah. It'd be a bunch of racist white people.
I know. And then we'd film all of it.
And then we'd sell it on YouTube.
Speaker 1
Or we'd sell it to somebody. We'd sell it on Netflix.
Blackmail, though.
Speaker 1
We'll call it Blackmail. Blackmail.
It'll be hosted by Kevin Hart. Yeah.
Hey, welcome back to Blackmail.
Speaker 1
I'm Kevin Hart. Yeah, yeah.
Check this out. We got this guy saying the N-word 38 times.
We're about to go to his job. And they show up at his job.
Speaker 1
I want to say something very genuine real quick, if we can. Let's do it.
Because
Speaker 1
you got emotional in the last episode. I did.
What did I say exactly? Well, you had the existential crisis of why are we even doing anything, you know?
Speaker 1
And people were very supportive, and the fans were great. I read some stuff.
It's fun. Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1 What I want people to know is
Speaker 1
this is always so much fun for us. And I love it.
And even when we buttheads or we get into little quarrels, I think people have to know that it's because we love each other.
Speaker 1
Yeah, today was funny because I woke up and I couldn't wait to get here. Me too.
And I need to be in that space. When I have to drag myself out here, it's hard.
Well, it's hard. We have tough days.
Speaker 1 I think we just
Speaker 1 spill it out all the time. So sometimes if we're not having a good day, it plops out.
Speaker 1 Does it feel be honest with me? Yeah. Does it feel different that we have a different president or does it feel the same?
Speaker 1 Honestly, I mean,
Speaker 1 do you know why it doesn't feel different at all? Because
Speaker 1
A, it never does when somebody comes in. It takes a long time.
And B, the pandy.
Speaker 1 If the pandy didn't happen, it probably would feel different.
Speaker 1 It doesn't matter.
Speaker 1 Well, what do you mean? None of it matters.
Speaker 1 I mean, I think maybe like in the long haul, maybe certain, you know, legislative, you know what I mean, things that he does, you know what I mean, might, you know, you might be able to feel the impact a little bit, right?
Speaker 1 But in terms of like just day-to-day
Speaker 1
feelings of what's going on, it's the same. Yeah, I know.
All that other stuff is just noise
Speaker 1
and chatter, right? And it's like people's opinions and we get caught up in it. It's bullshit.
But at the end of the day, we're okay with anybody, really.
Speaker 1 Yeah, I mean, look, at the end of the day, it's what really does the same thing. It's a riot, you know what I mean?
Speaker 1
And overthrow the government. I think it is funny that Trump pardoned Lil Wayne.
That may be like the funniest thing I've ever heard of my entire life.
Speaker 1 Not only was that funny, that he didn't pardon any of the rioters. You think to yourself,
Speaker 1 right? Because he could have.
Speaker 1 Yeah.
Speaker 1 Could he have? Yeah.
Speaker 1
He 100 plus could have. Legally, he could have.
And they're sitting there like, we did that for you. And then just to think that he didn't part of them is like the big, how do they not know now?
Speaker 1
So funny. It's like a betrayal.
Like he doesn't give a shit about.
Speaker 1 I think he ended on the way out of the helicopter. I think he said, am I wrong? Did he say, have a good life? Yep.
Speaker 1 Did it?
Speaker 1
Have a good. Have a good life.
Can I tell you something? That's the funniest exit I've ever heard in my life. That's the best exit.
Have a good life.
Speaker 1
Yeah. No, does it feel different, honestly? No.
It doesn't feel different. Did you think it was going to?
Speaker 1 Did you really like think? No, it does make you think, though, like, why was I so I mean, obviously, you know, putting kids in cages and all that shit is fucking crazy, and it's like maddening.
Speaker 1 You put you put Rudy in a cage, yeah, yeah. But, um,
Speaker 1 you know, and it is, it is, as a symbol, you know, it is great that he's gone, you know.
Speaker 1
I hated him, let's be honest. Yeah, you did, you know, but in terms of just my I can't speak on it.
He was a family member of ours. Yeah, I can't.
It's Uncle Donnie. Yeah.
It's Uncle D.
Speaker 1
But did what implications did it have in my daily personal life? Not a lot. Not a lot.
Right. You know, that's what I'm saying.
Speaker 1 But, you know, as a symbol and in terms of, he's just a fucking, he represents something that I abhor. Right.
Speaker 1
And I want to say that out loud, but I'm not going to. I abhor certain things.
Yeah. Yeah.
What is so abhorrent?
Speaker 1 I abhor white people who think that they're entitled to this country and that,
Speaker 1 you know, that they are tied to this this country as much more than I am someone that looks like me you know and it's like no this country belongs to me as well belongs to everybody and it I honestly do I don't know anything about Korea I fucking honestly I'm that's all I am is an American yeah you're an American I breathe it you know there we are
Speaker 1 we are Americans and except
Speaker 1 I know and there's there's several of us
Speaker 1
we can make a phone call I do think that's weird that we do work with two. Foreigners.
Whatever you want to call them. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Aliens. Is that what they're wet? Mud something.
Speaker 1 You know what I mean? I don't know what the second term is, but mud something.
Speaker 1
Thank you for being a bad friend. Oh, no, hold on one second.
One second. One second.
Speaker 1 I want Rudy to take us out.
Speaker 1 And I want, will you play that song? And I want her. All right, so
Speaker 1 she doesn't fucking care. She doesn't give a shit about you, baby.
Speaker 1
Wait, I should sing? She cares about me. Not really.
really. Go ahead.
Do you not care about me? I care. No, she doesn't.
I care.
Speaker 1 She texted me
Speaker 1
on accident. Do you really text him? On accident.
On accident. That's not, that's caring? No, no, no.
Speaker 1
This is very funny. She sends me a text.
This made me laugh so hard.
Speaker 1 Rudy.
Speaker 1
Look at this. Look at this.
Look at this. Look at this.
Ready?
Speaker 1 Hi, Annette. We're in the meeting already.
Speaker 1 And at first I was like, I should fuck with her, but
Speaker 1 maybe that's important. And
Speaker 1
I wrote, this is me, Rudy. Uh-huh.
And she goes, oh, sorry, Tito Andrew.
Speaker 1 And I said, all good. How's Hawaii? And she said, we didn't go with Tito Bobby.
Speaker 1 And I said, oh, why? And she goes, he's a dick.
Speaker 1
He's a dick. Why didn't you go? He's a dick.
Did you see that? No. Let me see it then.
No. You see it right there.
He's a dick. Why'd you call me a dick? I didn't say that.
I have it right there.
Speaker 1 Anyway, so
Speaker 1 play the song and then she'll go out.
Speaker 1 I don't know the lyrics.
Speaker 1 Thank you for listening. Oh, thank you for listening to bad friends.
Speaker 1 Thank you for being a bad friend.
Speaker 1 Okay.
Speaker 1 Are you a man?
Speaker 1 We definitely can't start that way. What? Are you a man?
Speaker 1
What do you mean? ButcherBox for men? Why does it say for men? Isn't butcher bucks a box for men or no? No, it's just meat. Oh, it is.
Oh, that was not. Oh, that was Matt's Man Crate.
It's manscaped.
Speaker 1
Man crate. Man crate is what it was.
No, that's man scaped. No, man crate.
Man crate are the ones that you open. Yeah, yeah, for men.
That's what that was. No, no, this is man crate.
I didn't know.
Speaker 1 My bad.
Speaker 1 Sorry.