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Horse.

Horse.

Wait.

I don't know how to make this sound.

What is it?

Go, go.

Do it again.

Put the cards down. Put the card down and just do it.
Hee, hee, hee, hee, hee, go. Do it again.
Put the cards down.

Put the card down and just do it.

I know what it is A hyena?

Yeah!

A hyena?

Hyena?

I got it

That was really good

You two are bad friends

Who are these two idiots?

A white dude

And an Asian dude

You two are disgusting

You two are something

We're bad friends

To go from Hawaii to this dreary dystopian nightmare, bro. Yeah.
It's so good. You know when you're flying into LA, you know, at night especially, and you see just the vastness of sadness.
Yeah, how big it is. How big and sad it is.
Yeah, it's deep. You hear that music.
Dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun. Like the, yeah.
You go in and then it's like, you see little synth words like Jules. She doesn't even say hi to you when you walk in the house.
I lost my voice. I don't know how I lost, honestly, I lost my voice.
I literally woke up woke up Yeah And I was trying to yell at my wife As I do Yeah And I just couldn't I couldn't do it Does it sound like it hurts? Are you sick? Yeah No I know I just It's like gone Yeah I don't know what it's from Dude, right now I just realized Your eyebrows are cartoony, bro They're big again What happened? Trim those down, them this way because of you really yeah i want this holy shit it looks good right it looks like uh very cartoony yeah yeah don't do that dude honestly i lost my voice i think from i do this charity every single weekend where i i go and i uh feed the homeless i it's it's called feed, and I feed and fuck the homeless. And I don't know, maybe it was too many fucks.
I fed a bunch, too. He hasn't done any of that.
You know that, Jules, right? His heart is a black stone. Hey, guys, just start.
Oh, my God. Hold on.
Can I do a real? Can we do a real? Can we start from the real? Let's start from the beginning.

We don't have him.

We haven't even started, and we have him interrupting.

Hey, buddies, let's go.

I have a bit.

I wrote something last night with my wife.

Let's do a questionnaire.

I have a bunch of questions about, you know.

Yeah.

Yeah, about the music.

And music.

Yeah, 1970s music.

Here we go.

Created Cold Water.

What is it? Revival. Very good.
One point for Andrew. Right? George, Ringo, John.
Who's the one? Paul. Okay, one for Bobby.
And then we go on and on, and he thinks he's being clever. He is clever, though.
He is very clever. He's a clever little fan to be.
I'm just saying that you can't open up, bro, with a fucking bit that you wrote already he wants to though i know what were you gonna say fancy it wasn't a bit for me it was a cold open oh see he wrote a cold open that's good for the fucking tonight show well let's hear the cold open yeah let's hear the cold open you fuck well you have you guys have uh some cards front of you. See, we're not doing a bit.

No, I'm not doing it.

I refuse it.

We're in control of the show, right?

We will do the fucking bit later.

How about we do a closer with that?

Sounds great.

Okay, good.

Jules, look right into your camera.

Jules has a new camera.

It's high def.

Because people complained the old camera was terrible. Yeah.

So look into the camera, and I want you to do a traditional opening for Bad Friends. Say welcome to Bad Friends.
Give the fans a rundown of what's going to happen on this episode today. Go ahead into your camera.
Go ahead. Hi guys.
Welcome to Bad Friends. And today we're going to play some cards.
You're fired. Yeah, we're not playing cards.
We're not playing cards. Start from the beginning.
You have to guess what's going to go on today. How about this? Not just one thing.
You've got to name four things. Four things that's going to happen.
You're going to make them up, right? Go ahead. And action.
Hi, guys. This is Rudy, and welcome to Bad Friends.
Today, we're going to play name Tito Bobby's least favorite animal. Good.
Okay. Very good.
That's a game. We're going to eat another balut.
Ah, okay. Okay.
Interesting. And then we're going to sing a song.
I like songs. And lastly, we're going to pray to God.
Wow. Wow.
What a show. Can we pray to God first? Yeah, let's open with pray to God.
Why don't you open with a prayer, Jewel? Yeah, open with a prayer.

Open with a prayer.

Here we go.

Go ahead.

Dear God.

Good opening.

That's a good start.

Yeah.

Thank you for this wonderful day.

Okay.

I'm thankful that Tito Bobby arrived safely from Hawaii.

I'm glad we have two other dogs in the house. Oh, God.
I know. You have no fucking idea.
I can feel it. You have no fucking idea, bro.
I'm glad to see Andrew, George, and Andreas. And that's it.
In that order? Yeah. Are you going to close it out? How do you close a prayer? You got to close it out somehow.
Amen. There we go.
Or a woman. We don't discriminate here at Bad Friends.
Yeah. Bob, welcome back from Hawaii.
I come back. So I called last night, right? Yeah.
I'm like, I fucking landed. I didn't eat all day.
I landed, you know, tried to social distance in the fucking airport, the whole thing. You get it.
Yeah, I get it. The guy, the fucking Puerto Rican man picks me up at the airport.
Hello, how are you? I don't care. Let's go.
Yeah. We get in the car and I call, you know, Kalilah.
I'm in the car. Yeah.
I'm going to be there in about 30 minutes. Okay, just mind the two other dogs.
I go, what? Yeah, we got two dogs. They're downstairs.
Two new dogs. I go, what? A pit bull.
We have a new pit bull and a little black one. A chihuahua.
Whatever that is. The pit bull is the biggest dog I've ever seen in my life, right? It's's got the head of fucking Joey Diaz It's huge, right? And then the little one is like It's like a Kevin Hart Yeah I call them little Kevin Harts So you get a little Kevin Hart, right? Yeah And this gigantic rock, right? Right I come in They're just yapping, right? Running around They're not even puppies They adult dogs.
Adult dogs. Yeah.
And who are they?

Whose dogs are they? A homeless woman.

What? A homeless woman. Yeah, she's sick.

What is that?

It's our job now?

Is to fucking take in all dogs

that are fucking homeless?

Yeah. How did you get these dogs, Jules?

A friend of

Atticalila texted her.

A homeless friend?

No.

Her friend was helping the homeless situation.

Okay.

That's why I don't pick up the phone.

Yeah, you don't.

You don't pick up the phone.

No, you don't.

It could be anything.

It could be like, hey, I have three kids.

One of them's blind and his heart is on his shoulder.

Yeah.

He has a thing.

You know what I mean? Can you take care? I don't pick. Anything can happen.
No, yeah. I can't.
I'm busy. So I don't pick up the fucking phone.
You fucked up by picking up the phone. Don't look at me like that, young lady.
Also, how long are we going to have these fucking dogs for? Maybe two weeks. Yeah, you fucking cocksuckers.
You're not going hey, hey, hey, hey, hey. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
How do you think you got inside of that house? Okay? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Cool it out there.
I'm not going to do anything. We're going to take care of them, not you.
Because that's what I said. You said, I'm not doing this? No, I just said, oh, I'm not doing anything.
I don't want to do anything. There was a piece of poo I saw earlier today.
Leave it. I acted as if it was like I had seen it before.
Yeah. I mean, like it was a part of a cup holder or something.
You know what you should do? You should put a little something in the poo to let them know that you saw it. Yeah.
And it didn't get picked up. A little flag.
A little memento. A little tiny flag.
Yeah, yeah. A little Filipino flag.
Or a little Confederate flag. Yeah little confederate flag, right? Just to know, right? Yeah.

It's been seized.

It's been seized.

And it's yours to pick up.

Right.

What are the dogs' names?

Do we name the dogs?

The pit bull is Bebe.

That's what homeless people call.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And the chihuahua is Lady.

She probably wanted to say Baby.

Baby.

Comes out Bebe.

Bebe.

What's the other one's called?

Lady.

And they rhyme because you can't say that many words. Lady, Bebe.
fucking name baby lady yeah exactly you don't even know which one they're calling I know baby lady you ever like run into a homeless person and they start talking gibberish but then you agree with them all the time hey man the toka and he doesn't know why and you're like I agree he doesn't know man, the toka, and he doesn't know why.

And you're like, I agree.

He doesn't know why. And the toka needs to go back to the fucking house.

And they go, oh, yeah, toka, toka.

And then you're in this conversation with a fucking homeless person.

Dude, I was in Hawaii, bro.

And bro, so I'm walking.

I had eight days off in the middle there.

And they're like, you have eight days off. No one's really walking around.
There's nothing to do. Yeah.
What about the beach? You can't go to the beach? No, because where they have us, they have us at the docks. Oh.
There's no beach there. It's like boats.
Right, right, right. It's beautiful.
No, it's still pretty. I love boats.
Yeah, you're a big boat guy. I'm not a big boat guy.
You don't like boats at all. But visually, it's not like seeing industrial pipes.
At least it's not trash. Yeah, yeah.
So I go, you know what, today? I can't just sit here all day. I'm going to go for a little walk.
Get some nature in. Soak in the sun.
Get your steps. And get the vitamins.
I got that. You know how in the energy? Yeah, yeah.
In energy? Well, vitamin D. Vitamin and energy.
Very helpful. So anyway, I put on my fucking clothes.
Oh, I have these. I went, you know, I've been going clothes shopping online.
Yeah. I've been buying these.
You know those tights? What do you mean? Like Lululemon? Yeah, yeah, yeah. But I'm getting different brands.
I got tights from Nike,ike fila and i also got that takes tights from

um super dry yeah really super you know the super super tight yeah the super tight ones right yeah

and um i didn't you know how joe koi will wear shorts over it yeah i don't do that you don't

you go full-blown tight okay so they see it so they see everything so they see the knuckle sticking

right out okay yeah and wear a tight shirt right and that's oh for some reason i always wear a

beanie that's my thing because i'm wearing a mask so I want some people maybe to recognize me you want to make sure people know who you are sometimes I'll get it people drive by what's up? maybe I'll do that whole thing so then'm walking around. This fucking homeless guy rides a bike toward me.

He goes, hey, man, be happy.

Be free.

Take off your mask.

And he rides by, right?

And, like, all of a sudden I was just like, you know, because I wanted to say something.

I couldn't even get it out.

He was on his bike and I was trying to get it out.

But he was hell healthy like full-blown lie right you know he was a fucking triathlete to the quad athlete and he's a fucking he's he's a cruncher man and he's a champion and he was healthy he had no primordial abilities right right right and he died from it just to lie right yeah shake it up but as soon as i was trying to say that he was gone man yeah so it kind of sit with you all day yeah it sat with me all day bro and he won that little war i almost got beat up in my own neighborhood i this guy i you know what you do i do the white guy thing when somebody drives too fast i go like this i love when you do that i do that i love your white guy thing yeah i love your guy yeah i love it so this guy flies by me in a in like a dusty, dirty, disgusting pickup truck. Yeah.
And I, this thing, you know? One of these. Yeah.
That, you know? Flip the air. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
And I start walking and then I hear. Yeah, I love when that happens.
He backs up and gets right next to me. And I've got my little dog, my little tiny dog.
Yeah, I love your dog. And I'm scared and nervous.
And I see this dude is massive. And I'm thinking, great.
Now I'm going to get beat up for being annoyed in my own neighborhood. Yeah, yeah.
And in the most earnest, honest way, he goes, did I do something wrong? I go, you sort of are going fast. He goes, oh, okay.
Did you flick me off? No, no, no. I was like, you know, annoyed.
And then I did i did lie he goes you got kids here or something i go yes my family i have kids we live right here yeah we always we have little kids you have to lie and he goes oh my bad okay i'll slow down i was like thank you very much and off he goes my dog looks up at me and goes we don't have kids i was i was so scared he was a guy guy Mexican? He was huge Mexican. He seemed like a Mexican.
Jacked. Yeah.
Dude, I mean like shaved head, tats up on the, and he goes, did I do something wrong? And I was like, fuck, I'm going to get beat up in my own neighborhood. Yeah.
He's going to beat the shit out of me. But I lied.
Said I had kids, got right out of it. Fine.
If I said I don't have kids, then he would have been like, oh, then don't be a bitch. And he would have kicked the shit out of me.
You do have to lie. I lie all the time.
We have children here. We have little children here.
Yeah, we have to protect the neighborhood. One of them's blind in a wheelchair.
Sometimes he rolls out in the street and he just, where am I? He's been hit like four times. The poor guy, we're trying to help him out.
So the guy, have you seen that guy before? I've seen the truck in in the neighborhood he's working on one of the houses up the street dude there is a house they've been working on for the two years that i've been in my neighborhood two years the rumor i heard was the couple started it together and then split so they just stopped and now they're finishing the house. And I just can't,

like at this point,

just leave it.

You lost.

Yeah.

Like just to stop.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Stop the house.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Set it on, get the,

here's what you do.

You pay a guy to burn it to the ground

and you get the insurance.

Right.

I know one of these guys.

Like a good fella.

Good fellas.

I know one of these guys.

They burn the fucking,

that bar down.

Burn it.

Yeah, burn it.

Get the money.

Yeah.

It's not hard to cover up,

by the way. It's so funny when you said that, it's like when I first moved into our house, right, I've never had neighbors, really, and I've never talked to neighbors.
Well, because before in the condo, you didn't have to. Yeah, condo.
It's also, I'm just not, I don't like small talk. Who does? And I'm also like a weird little fucking guy.
So anyway, we're packing one day and this guy comes up. This is before the fucking pandemic.
Yeah. And he's like this balding kind of fatter older guy.
He goes, what's up, man? I'm Cliff Angle. And I go, what? What is that name? Cliff, man.
I've seen. Remember, we've done that commercial in 98.
Oh, wow. We used to see auditions all the time.
Welcome to the neighborhood. So this guy knows you.
Right, right. I go, oh.
Yeah. Yeah, good.
And he goes, yeah, so anyway, you know, we have these powwows. I go, no.
And I just walked back up. Bye, Cliff Angle.
I left. Cliff Angle.
Cliff Angle. I just made up that name.
I know. I don't want to say his real name.
I know, I know. His real name is? Okay, I can't say his name.
Because I make up names.

I know.

And whenever I make up a name, they always come out like names you've never heard before, right?

By the way, Cliff Angle probably is a real guy.

You think so?

Yeah.

Oh.

But I don't know how to do – so I don't talk to anybody.

The guy next to us, right, is a producer.

A famous – like a famous one?

Yeah, yeah.

You know him.

Oh, okay.

Right?

He produces a lot of Comedy Central shit.

Oh, really?

Yeah.

Oh. He's the one that – I don't know if I should say it.
Oh, fuck it. Say it.
Yeah, I'm going to regret it, but he'll call. He's going to call me and go, that was inappropriate.
Well, we're not going to call anybody on this show anymore, are we? Exactly. We're not.
Are we? No. So we were negotiating.
Yeah. So I was looking at houses, and then my fucking what's he called it? The real estate person.
Yeah. Says, you know, the guy that owns the house, you actually know him, but he doesn't want me to tell you know him because he doesn't want to lower his price.
Oh, wow. Right? That's interesting.
It's interesting, right? Yeah. I go, yeah, but I could just call him and go, what the fuck are you doing? Right.
You have his number. He goes cannot he goes you cannot tell him what you're not supposed to know who owns the house before you he goes yeah i didn't know i didn't know i don't know i didn't know the name even even when he said i knew the name he knows me we've worked together you know when you do a comedy central whatever right you don't know all the producers or what you don't meet people it's a thousand people yes He knows who I am, right? Right.
And I who I am And I go I had to pretend That I didn't I didn't know that he owned the house Until after I bought it I know who he is now Because I went to his house Afterwards he started inviting me to his parties Does he have a really big nice house? He does but he fucked me on the house. Why, you overpaid? Yes.
Seriously? You wouldn't budge. So when you go to his house, when he throws parties, steal stuff.
Oh, yeah. Just take shit.
Yeah, but Jeff Ross and some people, they're all there. Take shit from him, too? Oh, yeah, fuck that guy.
Yeah, let people come inside. You go inside of his house, take stuff.
Yeah, and then the guy next to me is an old man. You know, that old man? He's the...
Oh, God. Does he complain? Yeah, I have my dog on the backyard.
He does. You don't like him, huh? Yeah, and all of a sudden, like.
He's white. I'll look around.
I'll go, he's not here. And then, you know, I'm with the dogs.
And all of a sudden, I'll hear, hey, man, keep your dogs down. And I go, where the fuck is? And I'll look up.
And he's in a tree coming down. You know what I mean? He's, like, in a tree.
You know what I mean? Right? And then, like, another dog. I won't see him.
I'll go, hey, buddy. You know, you can keep the dogs down.
I'll look around and he's underneath like a bush. You know what I mean? Popping up.
I've just been hanging out under here. Yeah, he's the worst.
You don't like him either, do you? No. He's a white guy, isn't he? Yeah, he's white.
What is his name? Do you know his name? No, we don't know his name. Does he ever say anything to you? No, he doesn't.
He doesn't. You think this one?

You better not say anything to you.

Break his leg.

People, like delivery people, they think that she's a mute.

They think that she is like a handicapped mute.

They're like, I dropped off a package to your handicapped daughter.

And this girl came out, you know what I mean?

This girl came out like it didn't speak English.

I go, yeah, but she's normal.

No, but she's just like all, you know what I mean? Are you sure her eyes are weird? Yeah. I don't know if you can trust her.
Yeah. What did you do while Tito was in Hawaii? I played games, studied school.
You didn't do any fucking schoolwork. Don't lie.
I didn't. Straight A's is the one.
I know, that's why. Straight A's, baby.
You don't do schoolwork. I do.
You do? Yeah. I figure you just take the test and you ace it.
So we didn't talk about... There's so much that went on, man.
Yeah, we got to talk about so much. We didn't talk about the Capitol riots.
Yeah. We didn't talk about the election.
Well, I got hurt in the Capitol riots. I fell off of the top.
About a good bit. I was climbing.
I know. No.
I didn't get in. I know.
Because you had to climb that wall? It's so steep. It's so slippery, that wall.
You know what I mean? And other people had like ropes and different things, right? They had materials. And then I took a fucking pole.
And those windows. So thick.
Thick as fuck, bro. This big.
And then I created a hole and then I got from the other side right in my eye. He did a little fucking pepper spray right in my eye.
So much. So I had to back up like, oh, fuck.
You know what I mean? This revolution ain't working, you know? And so we had to stop. Yeah, but I've been obsessed with that.
You know, it's like, what I've been obsessed is you know, when they're caught up in the moment, right, and they're like, yeah, this is it, you know? They actually thought that they could overturn and then, like, take over the government, right? And then, you know, they went home. They didn't realize the consequences.
Yeah, I know. Right? They probably, you know, what, 20 years? Yeah.
Right? You broke into a federal building are you out of your mind out of your mind you would think that you would that would be in your head like is this no because they think there's power in the masses they think they can't get all of us you know how like when you were when you were at a party at a house party and the cops show up yeah and you're like if we all run they're probably not going to get most of us all right that. That's how they feel.
They're like, they're not going to catch me.

They're going to get like two or three people.

Yeah. But that was back in the day when there was no social media and cameras.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I mean, these people are like on their fucking.

What's up?

What's up?

It's me.

What's up?

We're at the Capitol.

Yeah.

Yeah.

The guy that works at Walgreens.

Wednesday to Saturday, 7 to 8 p.m. It's me.
And just like so stupid and i know what they're doing they're bragging to the other their other friends that have the same ideology they're stuck at home right probably being envious like i should be there or too fat to even leave they're probably you know all right well let's not get mean okay sorry let's not get mean it's a sorry. Let's not get mean.
It's a regional problem. Okay, so let me...
Everything's been so chaotic, and everybody's dying. Hank Aaron died.
Larry King died. Oh, my God, today Larry King died.
Alex Trebek died, you know, a month ago. And they got the new guy, Ken Jennings, doing Jeopardy.
Yeah. He's nice, but it's not Alex Trebek.
What are you going to do?

Stop the show.

No.

It's a franchise.

I know,

but then they should get

the hologram Alex Trebek in there.

Because, dude,

okay, listen,

let's look at Family Feud.

Yeah, Steve.

Richard Dawson, right?

Yeah, kissed people

on the mouth.

He used to grab girls' breasts.

He goes,

welcome,

good luck.

Top 100 people.

We asked.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

They would do the speed run or the, you know what I mean, fast money, right? Fast money, yeah. And he'd be next to him.
He'd go, good luck, right? And right on TV. And people were just like, yay, right? He didn't give a fuck, right? He's assaulting her.
Yay. Yeah.
He was nuts. But back then it was okay was okay.
No, no one cared. Yeah, yeah.
And then you had several different hosts. Five, I think.
Before Steve Harvey. Yeah.
But Steve Harvey is killing it on that show. He is.
He's so funny on that show. Yeah, but that's because the show involves humor.
Right. Jeopardy! isn't funny.
Richard Dawson isn't a funny guy. He was back then.
He was okay funny. Because in the middle of asking, he would just honk a tip.
Oh, right. I know, but that's okay.
But what I'm saying though is that you'll find a guy eventually. I don't know, man.
The reason that I think it's tough with Jeopardy is because how do you read a question in that way that he used to that was like he was intelligent so you believed he knew the answer even if – I don't know if he ever did. And then also it was like – it sounded like a – it was like a book.
It sounded like it was pre-made. All those questions were like perfect for him to read.
And anybody else that does it sounds like when andres asks like andres ask us a trivia

question watch look at how hard it is hey guys see what i mean i'm turning the channel immediately hey guys gone i know finish it this question though who directed elf john favreau no no who is Adam McKay.

Jon Favreau.

Damn.

Bobby wins. Do you really think it was Andrew McKay? Adam McKay? Adam McKay.
No, I didn't know who fucking directed Elf. You said Jon Favreau did it? No, I mean, I know now.
Yeah, thanks to Fancy B. Actually, you could take the job, B.
That was pretty good. You know, Jon Favreau is...
favreau favreau what a career rudy what a career though i'm saying he started in rudy as like the dumpy best friend i know right right he was in that huge yeah and then um because swingers swingers is what did it though well that's what because they see i think swingers is what did vince as a movie icon i think it made favreau a piece of the business forever right but no one knew who the fuck those two were no i know fucking swingers they fucking wrote that thing produced that thing right and they made that thing happen yeah it's like that you know you and you and I might do a Netflix movie. Yes.
We gotta make that happen. No, we have to do it.
Yeah, yeah. Because the fans want us to do something together.
We gotta put fucking... No, I'm not putting her in.
Can you act? Can you act? No. She can't be the pizza girl? Just come over one day and just knock, knock? Let's audition you right now.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, so we're...
All right, we're hanging out playing video games and you're dropping off pizza. Let's go.
Yeah, yeah. Come on.
Well, let's do some dialogue before. Okay, go ahead.
So what line is it when she interrupts? So I'll give you the line, all right? Yeah. Dag nabbit, right? The red guy's behind the wall.
Okay, that's my line. That's your line, right? Okay, all right, here we go.
So I'm going to be like, oh, God, man. Is your internet janky? Yeah, I don't know what's going on.
I mean, Mom! Mom! Yeah, yeah. I'm sorry, dude.
I know. Maybe she should get off her tablet.
I'll get that. Get down, get down, get down.
Okay, get down, okay. The red guy's behind the wall.
He's behind the tag. Ding dong! He's right behind the...
Ding dong! Oh. What? We have a doorbell.
Why would somebody yell ding-dong?

Yeah, they just yell ding-dong at the door?

What a weird pizza person.

Yeah, hello.

I'll get it.

Hello.

You get it.

Hello.

Hi.

Hi.

Did you order pizza?

Yeah, we did.

What an insane question.

Like three hours ago.

Yeah, of course we ordered pizza.

Of course we did three hours ago.

I'm sorry.

This is your pizza.

Where were you? Traffic. Really? It's two blocks away.
The Domino's. It was still traffic.
It was an accident. Time out.
We don't have to pay for this, do we? You need to tip me. Wow.
It's like a ransom or something. Wow.
Alright, how much do you want? Yeah, what do you want? $5. All right.
Wow, that's pretty reasonable. Yeah, all right, here.
Just throw it on the ground. That's fine.
Here, pick it up. Pick it up.
Pick it up, kid. Have a good day.
She's hired. She's hired.
You're hired for the gig. Really good.
I think you're good. You know what? Pizza people always bow before they leave.
Bow. Thank you.
There you go. Yeah, you have to bow.
That's how you close out a pizza scene. All right, we'll do it.
We'll make the movie with you. We'll do it.
Did you have fun while you were in Hawaii filming or no?

Time out before you

answer that. Did you miss me?

You know,

you annoyed me. Did you miss me?

I didn't miss you, no.

I was trying to rework my relationship

with you in Hawaii

because I want to be honest. It's the honest truth.
I was reworking my relationship with you. At the end of the day, I realized we were meant to do this together and it's a good team.
You know what I mean? Yeah. Yeah.
But I don't want to bring it back up, but there was something that you said in a previous podcast I was a little irritated by, right?

Yeah.

We're not going to bring it up.

And I had to rework that in my mind.

But then as the days went on, here's what did it.

I worked you through that existential crisis that you had.

Yeah.

So here's what did it, though, that made me go, oh, that – so I hate to admit this.

So I was there because every other day I had to wake up, even my days off, and I had to get a COVID test.

Yeah.

So in the morning, like if there was a 9.30 COVID pickup, right, sometimes I would be there with other actors.

Yeah.

And there was a young actress, not really that young, but a good actress that you know.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

I didn't know her.

Yeah, yeah.

And she's like, hey, are you Bobby Lee? And I go, yeah. And she goes, I'm so-and-so, you know, and I'm friends with all these people that you're friends with, right? But she didn't bring your name up.
And then so, you know, during all the COVID tests one time, she was talking about podcasting, and I go, she goes, you have a podcast, right? I go, yeah, I have one with, I do one with myself and my my girlfriend and then i have another one with another comedian she's like who i go andrew santino and she went googly-eyed she's oh my god he's so funny i swear to god no yeah no i'm being real didn't we text you or called you you did you did you so i go he goes she goes oh my god he's so funny i know him yeah he's great and the other great actress was like Andrew You did. So I go, she goes, oh my God, he's so funny.
I know him.

Yeah.

He's great.

And the other actress was like,

Andrew Santino?

And I go,

holy fuck.

It was annoying me.

Yeah, I know.

I go,

I'm right here, bitch.

You know what I mean?

I'm here too, bitch.

She knew who you were.

Yeah.

So anyway,

they were really excited, right?

And they told stories.

Yeah.

With you involved.

So that's when I went, oh, he's known. You know what I mean? Where it's like, nah, he's just not known in the comedy world because they're actresses.
They're not comedians. Yeah, I've worked.
They're legitimate actresses. The one you texted me with, we worked here.
That's how we met. Yeah, I mean, she's been in Aaron Sorkin things.
She's incredible. She's such a good actress.

Great actress, right?

So I'm around elitist actresses and actors, right? And they knew me.

And then they get excited about you, right?

It makes me realize, oh, he might have some other heat that I'm not aware of.

You know what I mean?

So if I didn't have heat, you would not be...

If I didn't have heat, you wouldn't want to do it with me either. I don't know what heat means to me.
Yeah, yeah, you do. You know what I'm saying.
It's just that you've calculated your mind, right? Even before you even asked me to do this, right? Who would I team up with that would be the best in terms of chemistry? Well, not heat. To me, the scale was who was the most fun?

Who was the funniest to me?

I understand that.

But there's a couple of open micers, right?

Yeah.

That I could say to myself, I think I could do a podcast with that person.

That's the most offensive thing you've ever said to me.

Like in the most genuine way.

Yeah, yeah. You could do a podcast just with any random open mic guy?

I'm just, there have been. But I would never ask them because they don't have heat.
That's insane. That's not insane.
It's insane. What do you mean? What? What? Go ahead.
I literally didn't mean to offend him. But now that I did, this makes me excited.
What hurts me the most is that. Good.
I accidentally offended you. Go it's i can't yell because my voice today yeah yeah go ahead which is so annoying because it's like not on my brand there are open micros that i've seen and went i would have better chemistry with them and it would be a better podcast but they don't have heat you know i mean and it's like you know name one that's how i don't even memorize their names i just i've seen them and go, yeah, that would be better.
But he has no heat, so therefore – I know what you're doing and it's not working. It is working.
No, it's not. Because I know your face and there are things that you do with your face.
Yeah. Right? You know, it's so funny because – Wait.
So – All right, Andres. Andres, let's play your game.
No, no, no. Let me finish what I was going to say.
Let me just finish what I was going to say, please. So, you know, there's two things.
And this is something I realized before I met – like I worked with you on this, right? When white people have crow's feet, which is these wrinkles here, right? Yes. I always looked at that as a marker of someone being happy because they smile all the time and that's what creates their crow's feet in their eyes, right? But you're the first person I've met where no rage does that too.
Rage creates crow's feet. Is this.
Because, you know, you smile, right? But your smile is through a rage. Yes.
And anger is it. Yes.
So you'll smile like, you know what I mean? This is going to get crazy. You know what I mean? Which creates the crow's feet.
Because your crow's feet isn't from rage. No, it is.
Yeah, yeah. You're right.
And what I'm saying, I think you misinterpreted what i was saying what i'm saying is is that let's go back to us right this is that you know when i was with you know people people were worried that we were going to stop the show why because you're your existential crisis that you had on the show people were like they're going to stop it's going to be over and then people Belly and they were like, what did you say to Bobby? What did you do to Bobby? Nothing. Dude, to do.
And let me say this. I don't even know what I said last time.
I don't know either. Let me say this.
I missed you a lot when you were in Hawaii. Oh my God.
I thought about you every day. Holy shit.
I had one nightmare about you. What is it? I had a nightmare you died

in Hawaii and I didn't call you

but I was going to call you to tell you.

I'm not kidding. I had a nightmare you got hit by a car

walking to dinner.

Did you walk to dinner one night?

Every night. Where else am I going to go?

So I'm psychic. You were walking

to dinner. You got hit by like a

you know those three wheeled cars?

Two in the back, one in the front? Yeah. Hawaii, they're all over the place.
Beep, beep. Yeah, yeah.
You get hit by like a you know those three-wheeled cars two in the back one in the front yeah hawaii they're all over the place beep beep yeah you get hit by one yeah and a big kiwana guy gets you know oh bro i didn't see you bro yeah yeah i'm coming back from the coffee or the pineapple whatever yeah yeah and you're like and you were and you were all twisted up and he was like shit dude i think you're dying bro and you were like and i am and you could tell you were all twisted up. And he was like, shit, dude, I think you're dying, bro.
And you were like, I am. And you could tell you were dying.
And he said, any last words? And you were like, tell Andrew Santino I'm sorry. And that I love him.
And he means the world to me. And then you were out and then you died.
And I woke up. And I ran to my phone.

And I was going to text you.

But I didn't.

And I knew you were okay.

All right, Andres, what's the game?

Let me add on to that, please.

Give me an opportunity to add on. And just to let the fans know.
Let the fans know. That number one, I don't remember what I did last time.
Yeah, you had like a breakdown almost. Okay.
No, it was honest. It was great.
Fine. I'm honest today.
Yeah. So I don't know.
I remember. Number two, that was also because we had a backlog.
So it just got to the point where... We were doing too many episodes.
You do Tiger Belly and you do Whiskey and we do so many in a week. It was a lot.
Eventually it's like you just go, I don't know what else to fucking say. Well, yeah.
We were doing too many. We were doing're too many and also it's like you need to you know take breaks so you can you know re-energize 100 so um anyway and number two um you're not you the only way this will end you know i mean is if um we just physically can't do it anymore in terms of like we're too busy or,

you know,

or somebody dies or something happened.

I mean,

I have been thinking about death in Hawaii a lot.

You know,

I,

I downloaded a book called the certainty of death.

Yeah.

I forgot who was in it in the seventies.

You know,

I've been thinking about death a lot.

So that's not,

no,

truthfully,

I did have a dream.

It was really weird that you say,

say that because I,

I've never thought about death as much as I did when, when I was in Hawaii. That's why I had a dream.
It's really weird. We are connected.
Look at me. I hate, don't.
Look at me in the eyes. You can say whatever you want.
I want to look at you though. Look at me in the eyes.
Please. We are connected.
So what I'm saying is. What were you thinking about dying? But I did have a dream about you dying in Hawaii It's weird And here's what got me out of it And this is real So I was thinking about death all the time Because when you have 8 days off And you're alone What are you doing? What are you doing? You're just walking around Netflix You start thinking about death Yeah And then I said Okay so I'm 49 You know I'm not the healthiest guy in the world.
You're not unhealthy. Yeah.
But let's say Maradona died. You know Maradona? Correct.
He died. He was 60.
He just recently died a couple of months ago. Yeah.
Let's suppose I'm like, because he has the same body as I do too, Maradona. He's a little soft.
Yeah, yeah. No, he's just roly-poly-ish.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. He did a lot of drugs.
He doesn't eat well. So I'm just going to take every moment and just milk every moment and just be grounded in the present moment.
That's cool. It's the only way to do it.
That's awesome. Because if you start thinking about death, then your whole day is fucked.
It's not good. What's the game? The game.
We can do it next time. No, no, no.
We're doing the game. I think we're going to do the game.
We're doing the game. Okay, so in front of you, you guys have a couple cards.

Okay.

And they are describing an animal.

Okay.

And you guys have to, without any miming, only by doing sounds, you have to make that animal happen, you know?

And the other people have to guess which animal it is.

What the fuck?

You can't mime?

That's impossible.

It's just the sounds.

This game is...

Let me just say about this game.

This is the kind of game that you play

where you're taking intermediate

or beginning improv classes.

Even before that.

It's a parking lot exercise.

This is terrible.

Alright, let's hear Rudy.

That's the funniest part, by the way, is that you and I are like, this is so stupid, yeah. This is terrible.
All right, let's hear Rudy. Let's hear Rudy.
That's the funniest part,

by the way,

is that you and I are like,

this is so stupid,

we're going to play.

Yeah, yeah.

All right, time starts now.

Go.

I don't even know

if they make sounds.

Yeah, my second one

is impossible.

What is it?

I know.

I already know.

What is it?

I know.

It's an elephant.

No.

All right.

Don't yell at me.

Can I give a hint?

No.

I know what it is.

What?

Octopus.

Yeah.

It's octopus.

No way.

Because when she does this.

You can't use hands.

You can't use the hands.

And I think that's a good thing. I know what it is.
What? Octopus. Yeah.
It's octopus. No way.
Because when she does this. You can't use hands.
You can't use the hands. You have to use hands.
Hands is the only one. How about this? We try voice first.
If it doesn't do it, then the second is hands. Okay.
Sounds good. All right.
All right. My first one's easy.
All right. Got it.
Donkey. And my second one is.
Oh, this one really doesn't make noise. You know, my second one is oh this one really doesn't make noise my second one doesn't make any noise the second one is like mooooo a bear? I know what it is it's giraffe no no no they're really big oh don't say you can't describe right yeah rhino rhino rhino rhino buffalo buffalo buffalo listen the sound he makes sounds like what he's what he is okay go oh oh oh

no it's obviously not a cow

well you're

ready yeah yeah listen listen

to the sound you make. Moo.
Moo. Moo.
Moo. Moo.
Moo. Bear.
Moo. Bear.
Panda. Panda.
Listen to the letters. All right, yeah, yeah.

Moose.

Moose.

Moose.

You're a fucking moose.

Yeah, yeah.

All right, my turn.

All right, you go.

Fang.

Oh, come on.

What?

That's too easy. Genius.

Yeah.

Genius.

Okay, genius.

The second one.

You're a good actor.

I've never heard that.

Well, so we can see it. Oh, yeah, yeah.
Sorry. Did you see it? No I've never heard those up in front.

So we can see it. Oh, yeah, yeah.

Sorry.

Did you see it?

No, no.

Okay, go.

How about this?

Fire.

I'm on fire.

Do you not know?

Okay, now if I do the hands, right? The body will give it away. Koala.
Yes. I'm on fire Do you not know? Okay now

Now if I do the hands

The body will give it away

Koala

Yes

Do the sound again

What does a koala sound like?

I have no idea

What do they sound like Andres?

That game is so dumb

If we would have opened with that game

It would have ruined the podcast

Honestly I really love the game though

It was pretty good.

That's what my house sounds like right now.

That's how many animals are in my fucking house.

What was that? What is that?

That was a koala.

Oh my god. Oh, that's a koala?

Oh my god. Oh, that's a koala? That's crazy.
Is that their mating sound?

Stop that.

Oh, well, I was kind of right when I went...

You did.

You got the squeak right.

Yeah.

I didn't know they snort like that though.

Yeah, yeah.

Look at this video I want to show you. I saw this again and saw this again You want to really put a smile on your face Because I know We prayed at the beginning of the episode We're all very spiritual in our own way And I want to tell you something For the non-believers out there If you find spirituality in your life It can fix you Watch I'm not gay no more.
I am delivered. So this is an old clip.
People on the internet know this, but it popped up on my feed somehow again. Yeah, I don't know why.
And it brought so much joy in my heart. I've never seen that before at all.
Really? It's the saddest video I've ever seen in my life. Wait a minute.
George, there's a part where he starts dancing. Do you have the rest of it or no? Is that it? Oh, my God.
Woo, woo. Oh, my God.
How great. Oh, my God.
All right. oh my god oh my god

how great

oh my god

that's good

oh my god

he was shaking out the gay ghosts

I know

shaking out

so when do you think the next time he fucking sucked the dick is

right after

right after

so by the way this guy

this is an old clip

people on the internet know

it just resurfaced

but this guy

went back into the interview

with his boyfriend

Thank you. of 2014 in the St.
Louis. It was our holy convocation that we have every year.
I was new to the Church of God. Time out.
Okay, so push pause for a second. Let me tell you something.
I don't care how much God you've got, you're not flipping this guy. This guy is gay.
God made this, by the way. God made this human.
It is impossible. He made him beautiful and unique.
You're not flipping this. This guy is not going to fuck chicks.
He's not on the fence. No, fucking no.
He's not like some other guys right now. That's my biggest problem is the idea, you were saying it, the idea that you're going to shake the gay out of somebody.
Right. That's the weirdest shit.
Who was insane enough to even say that and people bought it? you can just pray it out. Yeah.
And this isn't like 200 years ago. This is like 10.
This guy is, yeah, on the other spectrum of gay. You know what I mean? Like if there was a spangible of gay, he's, you know, this is the guy, right, that does the extra shit.
Yeah, he's extra. Right? Like, you come in my ass right stick it in the cup shit in the cup and just drinks the other yeah he's that kind of guy he's extra you can't the idea that someone could change you is so funny to me that it's like you could just pray it away if you just say it's not there it's not there yeah that's so that's so nuts yeah my neighbor i told you this right my neighbor went to pray with the gay camp yeah you know what he said to me what he goes as a in the closet 15 year old boy what do you think was more heavenly for me going to church with my parents and hiding it or going to a gay camp with a bunch of repressed gay kids in the woods alone.

It's like,

you see, for me going to church with my parents and hiding it or going to a gay camp with a bunch of repressed gay kids in the woods alone it's like you sent a gay kid how excited i'd be he was like it was he's like it was a candy store of penis he's like oh my god he's like all we did was blow each other that's all we did the whole time oh my god you know how exciting that is he was like why did he's like i can't believe my mom thought that was gonna like get gay out of me how many counselors do they have there to keep an eye on them? Because if there was only one... By the way, all the counselors are also...
Oh, no, really? Yeah, they're also religious. I can come tuck you in if you need prayer with God.
Wow. Yeah, he was like, it was basically my parents paid for me to go learn about sex for the first time.
And they thought the whole time it's like, you're going there to get fixed or whatever the fuck they call it.

It's kooky shit.

Because I don't know much about religion.

Are they more accepting of gays now or no?

Yeah, it depends on what religion.

Because I know in L.A., right, they have – what's that called?

Mosaic or those types of like that new –

New age churches.

New age Christianian churches they're

still christian most christian and i know gay guys that go there yeah most in a church right and you're like what kind of church are you going to mosaic yeah right and they just go well mosaic does something except me it does sound like a pretty gay right yeah no the all the most i would say all christian sub religions are okay with, I mean, dude, the Pope openly said, search this, uh, George, but the Pope said something about this new Pope was okay with gay marriage. And I think a lot of the old Catholic church was angry at him because they were like, what? And he's like, who the fuck care? I mean, who could fucking, who could care less? But Pope Francis, yeah, his belief about same sex marriage, marriage he doesn't care but for the longest time it was you know it was it was i i think it's the i think i think most people in america don't give a shit i think it's slowly um i think their focus more now religion yeah is the whole abortion thing right that's always shifted it shifted toward It's shifted.
It's shifted toward abortion, I think.

Right, right.

Where it's like,

I think they can sit through like,

you know what I mean?

Because at some point,

they're like,

can't stop these gays.

I mean,

we can try to stop these babies.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I mean,

dude,

honestly,

for some reason that popped up today

in my Twitter feed was

someone had retweeted

like the anniversary

of when Sinead O'Connor

ripped up the picture of the Pope on SNL. Do you remember that? That was the end of her career for a second.
Here's a kid where you're from Ireland. These people couldn't be more Catholic.
It was like so defamatory. She was trying to send a message not about the Pope themselves but about the Catholic Church and covering up all the filthy shit that they do.
But it ruined her for a while. No, it was the end of her career.
Yeah, it was over. Yeah.
It was over. That one moment was just like, that's what's hard for me to watch that.
Yeah, it was crazy. I'm a huge Sinead O'Connor fan.
Yeah, she was incredible. She still is.
I still listen to her new music. I don't know any new music that she does.

Yeah, it is.

Yeah, but it's like no one listens to it because of that.

Two moments.

Two moments on SNL ruined people's career.

That one, music-wise.

Yeah.

And Ashley Simpson.

Do you remember that?

Yeah.

When she lip-synced over the phone.

That was...

Can we see that video?

That's maybe one of the funniest videos I've ever seen in my life.

Because the track plays before she gets to sing.

Right.

So watch.

See? See? Pause it. She doesn't know what to do.
The track started playing before the band could start playing their music. I would have been like this, right? As soon as...
Right? Start singing. Be the actual...
I can't sing. You can sing.
My voice. Be the actual thing.
Do it. Watch what I do.
Wait, wait, wait, right? As soon as, right, start singing. Let me be the actual thing.
I can't sing. You can sing.
My voice. Be the actual thing.
Do it. Watch what I do.
Rudy, do it. Go.
Wait, wait, wait. What song? Just make it up.
Just make it up. Any song.
Go. Hello.
Right. Did you know how quick I did that? Right.
Do it again, Rudy. Do it again.
I'd just be standing with it. Hello.
You have to do it quick. Do it again I like it wait wait I'm talking to my so when is it going to start hello you have to do a quick that looks so good yeah yeah and then people would be like yeah she got some of the voice yeah maybe it's just the mic was far away but the mic caught it that's That's all.
Yeah. Yeah, the mic was just...
And you could argue it. Yo, the mic caught it.
It was really loud. Yeah, what do you...
Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then they lowered it, whatever, yeah.
This is a perfect time, by the way, for me to do something real quick because they know what I'm going to do. What? We got sent a song, a love ballad for Rudy.
Okay? Wait, a guy is in love with her? It's a lot. Okay.
Okay, This man sent a love ballad for Rudy, for Rudy Jules. I got it forwarded to me through our production team.
And the title literally in the email was, I don't know. Meaning like, I don't know what he's saying.
I don't get it. I listened to this no less than 20 times.
I literally couldn't figure out what he was saying.

No offense to the dude.

It's a sweet song.

I don't know what he's saying.

So I said to the guys, okay, we got to like,

see if we can guess what this dude is saying.

Okay, let's see if we can make out what he's trying to say.

Okay. it's pretty good though okay let's but but i know i want to know what he's saying but pretty good though so they put together some bad friends do we think he said take my hanging gun tonight we die while we dance, or tape my Hanukkah, tonight

we dine on all the ants. Let's hear it again,

let's see if we can figure it out.

Stop.

It's not a hanging gun, it's not either one of them. I think it's not Hangout.

It's not either one of them.

I think it's one of them.

Take my hand tonight. Take my hand tonight.
Yeah, we don't want to dance tonight. Okay.
Let me sing it. start over.
Start it again.

Take my hand alone.

Stop.

Take my hand alone tonight.

No, he just goes, take my hand.

Tonight.

No, he just says, ah.

All right.

Take my hand alone.

There it is.

Okay.

Okay.

Then we got that first.

Take my hand. And then tonight.
We know he says tonight. Tonight.
Okay, we got that first. Take my hand.

And then tonight.

We know he says tonight.

Tonight. Okay, so.

Go ahead.

Stop.

What?

Die, we dance.

That's what the first one says.

Yeah, yeah.

Die while we, no, die, we dance.

Perfect.

All right, let's go to the second piece.

Okay, good.

Second piece.

Second piece. Second piece.
Stop. Okay.
Okay. Very hard to make out.
I feel like it's the slender man that likes it. I mean, that's some creepy ass shit.
Let me see the second card, George. What does it say? This is it.
Oh, I'm sorry. That's it right there.
They won't run the stairs. I want to run the stairs.
Or is it gays don't own the dance. They just run the staff.
That's what I want. I want it to be B.
Will you sing it for me? Yeah. Because I can't sing.
Go ahead. Gays don't own the dance.
They just run the staff. That's good.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. All right.
Yeah, yeah. Can I sing the whole song the way it's written now? Here we go, right? Give me the lyrics.
I want to say something. I'll go to band camp, right? Because I love lo-fi bedroom recording.
That's one of the things I follow. That's what this is.
That's what it is. I honestly like the song.
You like the song? Yeah, it's nice. It's really cool.
Yeah, it's different. Yeah, it's different.
I know. I just want to know what he sang.
Yeah. So we're trying to figure it out.
What I like to do now is start from the beginning and have Jules sing the whole thing.

I agree.

Because he wrote it for you.

Yeah, he did.

Okay?

What?

Fuck you.

You're doing it.

All right?

I don't know what you're trying to do, but this is your song.

Okay.

You ready?

Start with A.

Take my hanging gun.

Tonight we'll dance while we dance they won't run the stairs i want to run the stairs Love me how you would have gone Work with me Okay, that's good That's good Very good Very good That guy wrote a song for you How do you feel about it? It's nice, I like it Let me see see the next couple of cards. What's the next one? Just the cards.

The next one was either dance, dance, dance, hung.

Tonight's the night we dance.

Dunce, dunce, dunce.

Tonight's the night we dunce.

And what's the last?

Is that the last card?

That's the last one.

Can you send me the song?

I really like it.

Send him the song.

We just got to figure out

what he's saying.

It's crazy.

Are you into this dude maybe?

Like could this be a potential date? Can I see his face? Do you have his face George? No But I talked to him He's a real nice guy He's a nice guy You don't know what he looks like then? No He sounds like a cute kid No but do you know what he looks like? Just off screen We're not gonna show it on the show But do you know what he looks like? No No No, we don't. Oh, well then.
No, but we could set it up. Yeah.
Tell him to send a fucking photo, man. Tell him to send a photo, man.
Yeah. Honestly, it's a fun song.
It's a good song. But when I heard it, I was like, I just don't know what he's saying.
Yeah. Tonight's the night.
Here's where we put a lot of it together. It's called Beauty and the Beast.
That's how he titled the song Beauty and the Beast. Is that really? Yeah, 100%.
Then he's ugly. No, no.
he's saying she's the night here's where we put a lot of it together it's called Beauty and the Beast that's how he titled the song Beauty and the Beast is that really? yeah 100% then he's ugly no no he's saying she's the beauty she's the beast he's the beauty oh he's the beauty I think he's a male model oh wow yeah you know I was I ran into a guy in Hawaii and he he was like this guy it was socially distanced but he came up to me. He was this large Hawaiian man.
And he goes, hey, bad friends, right? I go, yeah, I go. And we kind of socially distanced talked.
And he goes, why do you like it? And he goes, it's because you guys say things that society is trying to take away. You know what I mean? But I don't see it that way.
I mean, like the things that we say, right, I don't think is like going against, you know, PC culture or. No, we're just having fun being us.
Yeah. We're just two guys talking, right? But it's not like we purposely, you know.
I think he's saying that we just are free with what we talk about there's still certain things like you know we don't we won't say yeah like go ahead say it right now we'll beep it go open a mascot right but but you say something okay this is gonna be fun but here okay ready but you go first because i don't trust you. No, you go first.

Go ahead.

Go ahead.

Go ahead.

Look at me

yeah yeah

he goes look at me

he goes look at me

no no no I want the hair

he wants it fun

it's fun

it's fun

okay

I don't think we say anything bad on the show

no

Thank you. okay i don't think we say anything bad on the show no no you know what he was saying though he just says that we come on here and we have a good time and we have fun yeah it's so that is freeing though it is so nice dude it's freeing but you can't do it there should be a place that you could go and yell racial epithets and cuss words and like in any form in like a comfortable setting like everyone gets together you know they have cat cafes yeah yeah you know and you like buy a coffee and you get to pet random cats yeah like in Japan or like the purge we have one day one day you can say all the stuff whatever you want like the purge out loud yeah make it November 12th November 12th is we'll say whatever you want to say you know say everyone you say me, hey, gook.
And I'll just be like, hi. It's allowed.
I think there should be a purge racial epithet cuss word day. Or a cafe would be nice.
That's what I'm saying. A sign that says, like you said, you know what I mean? You can say whatever you want in this cafe.
Right. No physical harming, though.
No, no, no. And by the way, it has to be all in good fun.
It's in good fun. Right? Yeah, yeah.
Like a guy walks in, you pay your money, you have to buy a coffee. you know, they're, you know, they're, you know physical no physical harming no no no and by the way it has to be all in good fun it's in good fun right yeah yeah like a guy walks in you pay your money you have to buy a coffee you know they make you buy a coffee you have to buy a coffee you can't just get a loiter well it'd be weird to be standing with your hands by your side being like you also have to wear a mask it's you know what i mean yeah we all the rules we have right right wear a mask wear a mask yeah come in and you can say whatever you want, but it's a time limit.
You only get 15 minutes. Yeah.
You got to get it all out in 15 minutes. Should we open up a place like that? Call it safe space? Safe space.
We'll call it safe space. Yeah.
It's the polar opposite of what safe spaces are right now. You know, on college campuses, they have safe spaces where people feel offended.
Do you know about this? No, I'm trying to think to myself, like, if that would work. I don't think it would.
Why? I don't think anybody would come. Really? Yeah.
work i don't think it would why i don't think anybody would come really yeah and i don't think i think i think people would come in and like walk in they'll probably walk in like this like but me and you and they want like and it's like and they'll see it like a mexican person and they go hey and they won't do it let's be honest yeah this this would be only white people that would come and do this that's true yeah yeah a bunch of racist be a bunch of racist white people. I know.
And then we'd film all of it. And then we'd sell it on YouTube.
Or we'd sell it to some. We'd sell it on Netflix.
Blackmail, though. We'll call it Blackmail.
Blackmail. It'll be hosted by Kevin Hart.
Yeah. Hey, welcome back to Blackmail.
I'm Kevin Hart. Yeah, yeah.
Check this out. We got this guy saying the N-word 38 times.
We're about to go to his job. his job and he show up at his job I want to say something very genuine real quick if we can let's do it because you got emotional in the last episode I did what did I say exactly well you had the existential crisis of why are we even doing anything you know and people were very supportive and the fans were great I read some stuff it's fine yeah yeah What I want people to know is this is always so much fun for us and I love it and even when we butt heads or we get into little quarrels, I think people have to know that it's because we love each other.
Yeah, today was funny because I woke up and I couldn't wait to get here. Me too.
And I need to be in that space. When I have to drag myself out here it's hard well it's hard we have tough days i think we just we spill it out all the time so sometimes if we're not having a good day it plops out does it feel be honest with me yeah does it feel different that we have a different president or does it feel the same um honestly i mean it feels the same do you know why it doesn't feel different at all because um a it never does when somebody comes in it takes a long time and b the pandy if if the pandy didn't happen it probably would feel different it it it doesn't matter not well what do you mean none of it matters i mean i think maybe like in the long haul, maybe certain legislative things that he does, you might be able to feel the impact a little bit.
But in terms of like just day-to-day feelings and what's going on, it's the same. All that other stuff is just noise and chatter, right? And it's like people's opinions and we get caught up in it it's bullshit at the end of the day we're okay with anybody really yeah i mean look at the end of the day it's what what really does the president riot you know and overthrow the government i think it is funny that trump pardoned little wayne that may be like the funniest thing i've ever heard in my entire life.
Not only was that funny that he didn't pardon any of the writers. You think to yourself, right? Cause he could have.
Yeah. Could he have? Yeah.
He 100 plus could have legally. He could have.
And they're sitting there like, we did that for you. And then just to think that he didn't part of them.
Yeah. Is that the big, how do they not know now?'s like a betrayal like he doesn't give a shit about i think he i think he on the way out of the helicopter i think he said am i wrong did he say have a good life yep have a good have a good life can i tell you something that's the funniest exit i've ever heard in my life the best exit have a good life yeah no does life.
Yeah. No, does it feel different, honestly? No.
It doesn't feel different. Did you think it was going to? Did you really, like, think? No, it does make you think, though, like, why was I so...
I mean, obviously, you know, putting kids in cages and all that shit is fucking crazy, and it's, like, maddening. You put Rudy in a cage? Yeah, yeah.
But, you know, and and it is as a symbol, you know, it is great that he's gone. You know, I hated him, let's be honest.
Yeah, you did. You know, but in terms of just...
I can't speak on it. He was a family member of ours.
Yeah. That's Uncle Donnie.
Yeah. That's Uncle D.
But did... What implications did it have in my daily personal life? Not a lot.

Not a lot.

Right.

That's what I'm saying. But as a symbol and in terms of – he's just a fucking – he represents something that I abhor.
Right. And I want to say that out loud.
I abhor certain things. Yeah.
Yeah. What is so abhorrent? abhor white people who think that um they're entitled you know to this country and that that that you know that they are tied to this country as much more than i am someone that looks like me you know and it's like no this country belongs to me as well belongs to everybody and it i honestly dude honestly, dude, I don't know anything about Korea.
I fucking

honestly, that's

all I am is an American. Yeah, you're an American.

I breathe it.

We are

Americans and except

I know.

There's several of them.

We can make a phone call right now.

I do think that's weird that we do work with

two foreigners. Whatever you want to call them.
Ali that what they mud something I don't know what the second term is but mud something thank you for being a bad friend oh no hold on one second I want Rudy to take us out will you you play that song? And I want her...

She doesn't fucking care.

She doesn't give a shit about you, baby.

Wait, I should sing?

She cares about me.

Not really.

Go ahead.

Do you not care about me?

I care.

No, she doesn't.

I care.

She texted me on accident.

Do you really text him?

On accident.

On accident.

That's caring?

No, no, no. This is very funny.
She sends me a text him? On accident. On accident.
That's not, that's caring? No, no, no.

This is very funny.

She sends me a text.

This made me laugh so hard.

Rudy.

Look at this, look at this, look at this, look at this.

Ready?

Hi, Annette.

We're in the meeting already.

And at first I was like, I should fuck with her,

but maybe that's important. And I wrote, this is me, Rudy.
And she goes, oh, sorry, Tito Andrew. And I said, all good.
How's Hawaii? And she said, we didn't go with Tito Bobby. And I said, oh, why? And she goes, he's a dick.
He's a dick.

Why didn't you go, he's a dick?

Did you see that?

No.

Let me see it.

No.

You see it right there.

He's a dick.

Why'd you call me a dick?

I didn't say that.

I have it right there.

No.

Anyway, so play the song

and then she'll go out.

I don't know the lyrics.

Sing. Just sing.
Thank you for listening. Oh, thank you for listening to Mad Friends.
I don't know the lyrics.

Thank you for listening.

Oh, thank you for listening to Mad Friends.

Thank you for being a bad friend.

Okay.

Are you a man? We definitely can't start that way. What? Are you a man? What do you mean? Butcher box for men.
Where does it say for men? Isn't butcher box a box for men or no? No, it's just meat. Oh, it is? Oh, that was not...
Oh, that was mancrate. It's mancrate.
Mancrate. Mancrate is what it was.
No, that's manscaped. No, man-crate.

Man-crate are the ones that you open for men.

That's what that was.

No, no, this is me.

I didn't know.

My bad.

Sorry.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Thank you.