Bobby's Existential Crisis

Speaker 1 I am so excited for this spa day.

Speaker 2 Candles lit.

Speaker 1 Music on.

Speaker 2 Hot tub warm and ready.

Speaker 3 And then my chronic hives come back.

Speaker 1 Again, in the middle of my spa day. What a wet blanket.
Looks like another spell of itchy red skin. If you have chronic spontaneous urticaria or CSU, there is a different treatment option.

Speaker 1 Hives during my next spa day? Not if I can help it. Learn more at treatmyhives.com.

Speaker 2 Hey.

Speaker 2 Hey. Hi.
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You two are bad friends. Who are these two idiots?

Speaker 2 White dude and an Asian dude.

Speaker 1 You two are disgusting.

Speaker 2 We're bad friends.

Speaker 2 Welcome back to the Double Black Play Jam. I'm here with Rudy and Bobby Lee.
Rudy, Rudy,

Speaker 2 Rudy didn't talk at all last episode. Yeah, you know why? Because you brought in a dog and she had to control the dog who was whining.
The poor pup was whining and crying the whole time. I know.

Speaker 2 We have.

Speaker 2 The whole house right now is

Speaker 2 an animal farm. It's an animal farm.
It's driving me crazy.

Speaker 2 How many barking, barking, barking, barking, barking? How many are you fostering? You right now look very Mormon. Your hair, very Christian, very religious.
Me? I don't like it.

Speaker 2 Really? Yeah, your hair, I don't like it. It looks too good.
You look so like, you know.

Speaker 2 Knock, knock, knock. Yeah.
Would you like to hear about Jehovah? Can I tell you about Jesus Christ? I don't like like it. Can I tell you about Jesus? Tell me about him.
He's the savior. I know he is.

Speaker 2 Let me tell you what he did for you. What? You know what? Can I say something about that? Because no one's ever tried to save me.
Well, you're unsavable. Why is that?

Speaker 2 I've seen, I've walked through malls. People look at you and they go, can't save that guy.
There's no way to save you. You've got to, I can't be saved.
No, no, no, no. I want to be,

Speaker 2 try. They're not going to.
I want to be saved. I have a soul.

Speaker 2 Save me, baby. Look, you're saved.
You've already saved yourself. No, but I, I, I, what? You went to rehab.
You already saved yourself. No, but I just

Speaker 2 strangers look at me like if I'm like, one time I was in San Antonio, yeah, and there was a man handing out pamphlets and you know, little pamphlets, yeah, to you know, right, and I, and I was walking by him, people were getting pamphlets from him about the Lord Jesus.

Speaker 2 I stuck my hand out, and he didn't do nothing, yeah, no pamphlet. He was not gonna help with you, why? I don't know.

Speaker 2 That's like the guys in Vegas, the Mexican guys, that hit the hooker cards, you know?

Speaker 2 Yeah, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, yeah, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, I never get them from them.

Speaker 2 They think I'm not Or like Star Maps people. Oh, yeah.
Star Maps people. They never try to get me a map.
Do you know how fun this would be if me and you pretended to know Star Maps?

Speaker 2 We should do a fake Star Maps when Pandy's over and take people to houses that aren't real. Can I say something? Why would I care where Marlon Brando lives? Dude,

Speaker 2 you've lived in Southern California your whole life, right? But who lived in L.A. Marlon? I'm expecting that.
And then you drive by his house and go, oh, there he is. People sleeping.
People sleep.

Speaker 2 What did he say? Why'd you say you fucking goon? You fucking European goon? Shut your fucking fucking mouth. What did he say? The cemetery? I don't know the cemetery.
He's dead. Marlon Brandon?

Speaker 2 He's not dead.

Speaker 2 Oh, that's not. He's not dead.
He's not dead. Yeah.
One of the greatest actors of our generation. You know who I found out? I was watching Coming to America tonight?

Speaker 2 The part two? Part one. No, the original.

Speaker 2 But

Speaker 2 some of the jokes are so bad. You're like, some of this is not funny.
It's so funny because some of it's really funny. Yeah.
And some of it's just not funny. Sexual chocolate's funny.
Hilarious.

Speaker 4 Sexual chocolate.

Speaker 2 But then when they go looking for girls at the the beginning, it's not funny. It's not funny.
You're just like, because the one girl's like lighting her hand on fire and she's like,

Speaker 2 you know, I'm possessed by the devil. Yeah.
And they're like, next. And you're like, what?

Speaker 2 Some of it's not... Some of it, when Eddie's doing the characters, it's the best.
The whole movie should have been him interacting with himself all the time. Right.

Speaker 2 Like, Every Stranger should have been an Eddie Murphy character. It's also funny that movie, there's one guy that didn't have a very big scene.

Speaker 2 And at the time, he didn't know that he'd be a bigger star than all of them. Arsinio Hall.
No. No.
Who? Samuel Jackson. Isn't that crazy? Isn't that crazy? Yeah, that is crazy.

Speaker 2 Because he played the crack addict in the... He's a crackhead.
Yeah. At the McDonald's or something.
McDowell's. McDowell's, right? Yeah.
He goes crazy, right? Yes. And he probably at the time, right?

Speaker 2 God damn, I got fucking

Speaker 2 12 lines again. Again, right? And then all of a sudden, like, he owns the world.
Well, it's the same thing with that. What Chris Rock in that movie.

Speaker 2 Oh, that was great. When he played the crack addict.
Yeah. Why can't I think of the movie? What movie was that?

Speaker 2 He was pretty good in that. When he goes, I changed my honey.
Yeah, that was really good. Yeah.
His lips were all. I remember watching it.
It's like called Ashy and Whitey and Cracked Out.

Speaker 2 Because the guy goes,

Speaker 2 How much for just one reab? Yeah, yeah, yeah. And he goes, Got Changeful 100.
And he's like, what a bunch of money. You grew up watching black films, huh? Yeah.
Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 Anyway, no, I was going to say,

Speaker 2 I was

Speaker 2 watching the movie, and James Earl Jones, you know, who plays his father, King Kufi Kanan, whatever his name is.

Speaker 2 I was like, is he still alive? And I bet my old lady Cash. Do you think he's still alive or not? Yes or no? Oh, he's still alive.
Well, you're taking.

Speaker 2 Wait, wait, wait.

Speaker 2 I'm not going to tell you until everybody answers it. Wait, wait, wait.
So what part is it again? I wasn't listening. What?

Speaker 2 I wasn't listening. Is James Rill Jones? We made a bet if James Real Joel was still alive.
James Rill Jones is alive. So you think so or you know so?

Speaker 2 To me, he is. Okay.
Do you think he's still alive or he's dead? She doesn't know who he is. I know.
That's the best part.

Speaker 2 He's dead. Okay, great.
What do you think, George? Dead? Dad, what do you think, Andres? He's alive. He is alive.

Speaker 2 I know he's alive. Andres, get off your phone!

Speaker 2 Do you know why I know he's alive? Because you just worked with him recently. No, that's not what? Yes.
I would never work with him. Really? Yeah.
You would never work with James alive.

Speaker 2 They would never put me in anything with him. That's the right way to say it.
That's what I wanted to say. Yeah, you said it was a good idea.
It came out weird.

Speaker 2 It came out weird. You said I would never work.

Speaker 2 I'm such a huge James Roll Jones. You know what else the movie he was in that no one's even aware of? Well, he's the voice of Lion King.
He's the voice of the father and Lion King.

Speaker 2 I understand that he's also Dark Vader. Yes.
Yeah, of course. Everybody knows that.
He has another thing that he was that people don't know. What? He was in the movie Doctor Strangelove.
As what?

Speaker 2 He was in the airplane in the beginning of the movie. He was one of the pilots? No, he's one of the guys in the pilot.
Yeah. He was? Yeah.

Speaker 2 Yeah. Here's another thing that I have to try to do.
Here's another thing that people don't know.

Speaker 2 Go ahead. Keep talking.
I'm on. People don't realize that Laura's finished.
Lawrence Finchburn was in Apocalypse Now.

Speaker 2 No,

Speaker 2 I think people do know that.

Speaker 2 I think people do know that.

Speaker 2 James Earl Jones.

Speaker 2 In In Doctor Strangelove. Wow.
Well, it came up so fast.

Speaker 2 Oh, right.

Speaker 2 No, don't go right all of a sudden out of nowhere. Right.

Speaker 2 I said the pilot? Look at this. Look at this guy.

Speaker 2 Rick Lastman.

Speaker 2 A better Rick Lastman. Yeah.
Here we go. Hold on.

Speaker 2 Music?

Speaker 2 We probably can't, huh? One of the funniest movies ever made, I think. Doctor Strangelove? Yeah.
I laughed so hard in this movie. Look at how bad that plain CGI is.
He'll come up in a second.

Speaker 2 Which one is he? He's not the white guy, obviously, you fuck. What do you mean he's not white?

Speaker 2 I'm flawing. There's one line you put on.
There he is. There he is.
There he is. That was it.
That was him.

Speaker 2 So now. He was a pilot.
I said he was one of the people he is in the movie. Yeah.
And I still watching it, you know, went, there's James Orrell Jones. He's so talented.
He's everything.

Speaker 2 And yes, of course I watch black films. Did you watch all the black films when you were? Imagine what he sounds like when you're making love.

Speaker 2 Oh, yeah.

Speaker 2 What if when he comes, he goes, yeah. He gets real high.

Speaker 2 Oh, yeah.

Speaker 2 Dark side. Dark side? Yeah.
Welcome to the dark side.

Speaker 2 You think he says that? I don't know. When he shoots? Anyway, look,

Speaker 2 I watched Curl coming to America. Yoda coming

Speaker 2 would be weird.

Speaker 2 What would he say?

Speaker 2 I don't know. You will be.
I don't know what he would say, but... Came I just.

Speaker 2 Yeah, but he... He came I just, yeah.
But I think

Speaker 2 his come would be like a little piece of sea would come out. I feel like I feel like a little hymn comes out of his penis.
What do you mean, little penis? Like a little baby Yoda.

Speaker 2 Like a little Yoda comes out of it. But like more liquid form.
Yeah, it's more goopy. It's more goopy.
Yeah. Right.
Almost bodiless. But you could see the little

Speaker 2 boneless, boneless, yeah. Oh, boneless.

Speaker 2 Your boneless Yoda. My bad.
You're boneless. It's late in eye sometimes.
It's okay.

Speaker 2 Do you like boneless wings or do you like bone in wings? when you eat chicken wings? Yeah, I don't like the bone. The reason why I don't like bone is because

Speaker 2 I don't eat it right. And Kalila and this fucking piece of shit right here.
Hey, hey, be nice. It's a new year.
What did I get you for Christmas? The cane?

Speaker 2 The rug, anime rug. Yeah, we heard the rug.
Yeah, I got your rug. Anyway,

Speaker 2 whenever I eat bone,

Speaker 2 the bone. Right, bone wings.
Wings with bone. Well, anything with bone.
Like a bone. Bones ain't bone.
Bone? Bone. Ribs of bones.

Speaker 2 Kalila always go, yeah. You're, you're, you're white privilege the way you eat that.
What does that even mean? Because I don't eat like the cartilage, and you know what I mean.

Speaker 2 You eat like a white cart. I don't eat part of the bone part, you know what I mean? Crunch on the fucking

Speaker 2 ligament. I don't need to eat that.
It's like, I eat all the meat parts, you fucking animal. Yeah, you animal savage.
It's like, yeah, you're not, you know, it's like when we eat fish with my mom.

Speaker 2 She eats. She eats the brain and the eyes.

Speaker 2 Yeah, I just eat the body. You eat the body.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 But they do say the other stuff has the most protein and nutrients in it. Fig.
Good Good call, dude. You know, you eat all of it, don't you? Yeah.
Savage. Savage.
Savage. Yeah, they eat,

Speaker 2 and it's like this animal right here.

Speaker 2 Because every night I order Postmates. Yeah, I know.
And sometimes I go to good places. Or sometimes Grubhub.

Speaker 2 All the time, Grubhub. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
See, wait, no, don't.

Speaker 2 What is it? Door bash. It was a joke, guys.
So what? No, you order food every night. Right.
So I'll go to like,

Speaker 2 I'll go, you know what? Tonight I'll go to Morton's. Something like that.

Speaker 2 How often do you get Morton's? Every other week, maybe.

Speaker 2 You like steak cold? It's not that. It's just the idea that I can.

Speaker 2 Money-wise. I just do.
Yeah. Yeah, yeah.
You flex a little. Yeah.
On who? On Kalila and Rudy?

Speaker 2 Does she ever pay for delivery? No, but I'll always go, what do you want? She goes,

Speaker 2 she goes, don't worry about it. I'll eat my own.
You'll eat your own what? And I'll go, what do you eat? Leftovers. We have leftover food.

Speaker 2 Like, we'll get like two months ago, some Vietnamese guy will randomly come over. He's not.
I don't even know.

Speaker 2 Who's this guy? Who are you?

Speaker 2 I think Kalio's friend. He's white.
He's white? Yeah, he seems to be. You think he's Vietnamese? Yeah, he'll come over and go, hey, hey, you'll go and give us...
This is a restaurant by my house.

Speaker 2 I bought you food. And I'll take two bites just to be courteous, right? Yeah.
And then I'll just put it in the fridge. And then she'll eat it two months later.
like an animal.

Speaker 2 Not two months. How long? Two weeks.
Two weeks is fine. I think it's two weeks? Dude, I think food in the fridge can last a couple of weeks.
What kind of meat? It's cooked, right?

Speaker 2 Yeah, it's like, no, not two weeks. What kind of food is it? A day or two.
What food is it? Anything. She'll eat anything that's like, yeah.

Speaker 2 They survive, dude.

Speaker 2 But I'm surviving her good food. Like anything.
You know what I mean? She wants to be. She wants it.
She's like, no, I don't want it.

Speaker 2 And then, like, yesterday I asked her, she's like, I don't want it. I'm fine.
I come out. And then lately, I come downstairs and she's like in the corner.

Speaker 2 You know, she eats like in a corner for some reason.

Speaker 2 Covered up? She just has this like hunchy thing. She has a hunchy thing, right? And she, you know, and she also sits on the chair like this.
Does she really? Yeah, like a gargoyle.

Speaker 2 She's like a gargoyle. And she sits there like that.
And she, so her, when you walk into a room, her back's turned. It's always dim light.
Dude, you're a horror movie. It's like a dim light, right?

Speaker 2 She's a horror movie. She's eating something.
I go, what the fuck is she eating, right? And I go, what are you eating? She goes, I got McDonald.

Speaker 2 I go, but I, an hour hour ago, you know what I mean? I was going to order you better, something better. Yeah, no, she got McDonald's.
She better on her own. I don't think you'd like

Speaker 2 taking things from me.

Speaker 2 Like, you think that I'm going to hold it over you for some reason? No. If I'm going to order food for myself,

Speaker 2 I'll order for everybody. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Right? Don't be like a fucking gargoyle. I'm not.
What did you get from McDonald's? A fried chicken burger, ice cream, and nuggets. A fried chicken burger.
You mean a chicken sandwich?

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 Yeah,

Speaker 2 she's in school.

Speaker 2 So you get fried chicken sandwich, nuggets, and ice cream. What kind of ice cream? The chocolate sundae.
Chocolate sundae. Chocolate sundae.
They're pretty good. No, they're so good.
I know.

Speaker 2 McDonald's, though, the breakfast, I can't give it up. The Wendy's, was it the freeze? That freeze?

Speaker 2 Oh, the frosty?

Speaker 2 Forget about it. Fuck me.
I'll eat it right now. Suck it.
Suck it right now. Suck it right now.
Oh, did you hear one-on-one cafe close down? Permanently, forever. Never coming back.
Good.

Speaker 2 You know what's so funny? Everyone was being like sweet online. Like, oh man, I used to go hang out there all the time.
I mean, we would go after shows. Yeah.
But, like,

Speaker 2 I was also like, it was the most expensive diner I ever went to. It was like nine bucks for eggs.
No, but you know what? You're right. I have good memories there.
Yeah, there's some memories I had.

Speaker 2 That's where I met David Cho?

Speaker 2 Really? Yeah, I was sitting there eating. He was a cook there, huh?

Speaker 2 David Cho was cooking at 101 Cafe. That's David Chang, you're thinking of.
Same guy. No.
David Chang is the fucking chef. David Cho is the artist.
Artists are chefs. I know.

Speaker 2 But did you get them confused? Yeah.

Speaker 2 You're dumb. Yeah.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 I just don't pay attention to Asians. And also, I'll say, Asian and artists, that's an Oxymor.
Multimillion dollar artist. There's a lot of Asians that are multi-millionaires.

Speaker 2 David Cho, street artist. Oh, I do know who this is.
Yeah, you do. Oh, yeah, I do know who that is.
Okay, anyway. But I like David Chang better.
David Cho,

Speaker 2 I see this guy, and he's dressed like

Speaker 2 a warlock. And it's not Halloween.

Speaker 2 He's literally dressed like a warlock, walking down in the 101 cafe late at night. And

Speaker 2 I can tell when they're Korean. Well, you guys can smell each other, right? Isn't there like a...
There's got to be something that gives you an indication.

Speaker 2 Everything you say. No, no, no.
I mean, like, you guys, internally. Like, I know when there's another.
Like, you think I smell like lychee fruit?

Speaker 2 No.

Speaker 2 You have an internal thing that you vibrate. You guys have this pudgy kind of face that I

Speaker 2 that I like. Yeah.
You know what I mean? So I go, and he sat next to me. Just sat right.
Oh, you were up at the single? He goes, yeah, you know, I'm the artist. He goes, David Cho.

Speaker 2 I go, oh, yeah, yeah. And he goes, you're a comedian, right? Yeah.
And then I, then he goes, I have a podcast with Ase Akira, the porn star. Porn star, yeah.

Speaker 2 And so Kalila and I did it, and that's how we started Tiger Belly.

Speaker 2 That was the beginning. Yeah, because we were a regular on David Cho's podcast, and then it was called DVD ASA.

Speaker 2 And they

Speaker 2 one day just decided not to do it anymore. And then me and Khalila went, let's just start our own.
How long did it? Yeah, you. And we grabbed a little bit of their audience.

Speaker 2 Because, well, that makes sense because it was a Korean and a porn star, and you're a Korean, and Khalil's a porn star. I understand that.
That transition makes sense.

Speaker 2 You picked up where they left off. When you attack my family, shut up.
Don't roll your eyes. And the way you roll your eyes is so fucking, it's so like 80s drama.

Speaker 2 I can't even do what you do. You roll both of them up, and I can't even do it.
It's like, you know, it's

Speaker 2 not drama. Your eyes don't go up that way.
No, it's just dumb. This is why privilege.
Because it's so obvious. You're so bad.
This is white privilege.

Speaker 2 I hate it. I hate it.

Speaker 2 That's wild that David Show had a podcast with it. How long did they do it for?

Speaker 2 A lot.

Speaker 2 Why Asa Akira, I wonder?

Speaker 2 Because they're friends. Does she still do porn?

Speaker 2 She's with some, I think. But she has a kid now, and she lives in a different state.
You know who there was a comic that dated a porn star. I don't want to say her name.

Speaker 2 And she stopped doing porn for a long time. And I just saw online, you know, when your Twitter's like suggestions of people that you're friends with that friend? Yeah.

Speaker 2 And it suggested her again, and she's doing porn again. I really am always interested in why they go back.
Because once you quit, don't you think you got to get out? Like, that's kind of like

Speaker 2 you don't go back into the arena. I feel like once you're done, you're done.
Yeah. Once you quit porn, it'd be hard to be like, I'm going to come back.
There was a comic named Thomas Ward.

Speaker 2 Thomas Ward, I don't know. You know, Neo never knew him.
This is before your time. Yeah.
And I did open mics with Thomas. Right.

Speaker 2 And then,

Speaker 2 you know, he looked just like Bill Cosby.

Speaker 2 In fact, yeah, he did

Speaker 2 some parody Bill Cosby porn. You know how they say, you know what I mean? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah. And it's like he played Cosby.
Yeah. And so I was

Speaker 2 at the porn store and I would see him on the cover of this parody porn Bill Cosby thing. And in my head, right, I'm like, oh, he's just doing comedy.
Like, he's doing an impression.

Speaker 2 In the porno? You think he's like a comedian in porn? No, he's playing Bill Cosby in a porn where everyone else is fucking him. Oh, you think he's not having a porn? He's not, you know what I mean?

Speaker 2 In it. He's a comic.
No, he's not.

Speaker 2 He's in it.

Speaker 2 He's in it. And I remember going, he's pretty good.
He was good, huh? Yeah, I remember going, you know, because sometimes you dread it. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Even if I see like a comic in a movie or a TV show that didn't think it was an actor, and I get relieved, like, oh, they're pretty good. Like, Nick Youssef, I was on a show called Animal Practice.

Speaker 2 And with the monkey. With the monkey.
And Nick Youssef got a part in it. I helped him with the audition or whatever.
Okay. But I couldn't believe they hired him.

Speaker 2 Like I remember the cast renter going, oh yeah, we hired that guy, Nick. What do you mean? Because he did a bad actor.
I don't know. I don't know.
I never knew him as an actor.

Speaker 2 I just knew him as a comic. Right.
Oh, yeah. So I remember being on set, right? And I remember he was, his scene was after one of the scenes I was in.
So I'll decide to stay.

Speaker 2 And I was behind the monitor, right? And as soon as he opened his mouth, I just left. Why? Because I'm like, oh, he knows what he's doing.
Oh, right. You were worried at first.

Speaker 2 I was worried at first, but he knew what he was doing. And I was like, all right.
Did you think it was going to reflect badly on you? No. Because you didn't get him the role.

Speaker 2 I did give him, I'm going to name its name because he hates me, but I did get one guy. So this one guy that asked me.
Please say his name. I can't.
Please.

Speaker 2 Because there's a war and he wants to murder me. All right.
Well, look at me right now, say it, and we'll bleep it out. Go.

Speaker 2 Okay. You know him? Yeah.
What did you do?

Speaker 2 What did you do?

Speaker 2 For the wife he's mad at me? Yeah. No, I don't want it to get.
I don't want to redo that. All right.
Well, go ahead. We'll then talk about it.
Okay. Don't roll your eyes again.
You're 80s fucking.

Speaker 2 That's my white privilege. Yeah.
See you on the slopes, Chang.

Speaker 2 Really good. Thanks.
So

Speaker 2 I go, I was on Mad TV and I go,

Speaker 2 you know, it'd be great for this part, so-and-so. I said to the casting director.
The guy, yeah. And she goes, yeah, I don't know him.
I go, I'll call him. He'll come in.

Speaker 2 And I go, I'll sit in the room with him. I was like when he's auditioning, I'll just be in the room, right?

Speaker 2 So I sit next to the casting director. And

Speaker 2 you have a piece of paper? Yeah. So like I'm sitting there.
He comes in. As soon as he walks in, I went, in my mind, I'm like, uh-oh.

Speaker 2 Why? Because of his vibe? No, he was just

Speaker 2 devastating nervousness. Oh, he was obviously.
Yeah, yeah. Like, he was like,

Speaker 2 his face was going,

Speaker 2 you know what I mean?

Speaker 2 He was so nervous, right?

Speaker 2 And And

Speaker 2 I was just like,

Speaker 2 holy fuck, right? Why were you in there? Because he was my friend. I want to see it once and see him on Disney.
See, that's weird. The casting writer should have made you leave.

Speaker 2 I know, I shouldn't have been there. No, that's.

Speaker 2 I regret it. I regret it.

Speaker 2 I'll be uncomfortable. Yeah, yeah.
I did that.

Speaker 2 Anyway, so I go, all right, well, I just wanted to get it over with. All right.
So just go, right? And he picks up the script like this, right? The sides, right? Always be off-book, by the way. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Yeah. I always have it, but I have memorized it.
Sure. And he does this.

Speaker 2 He's so nervous. He's so nervous.
His thing is going like this. Right.
You can hear it. Yeah, yeah.
And I mean, normally, like Cassidy Drew would be like,

Speaker 2 okay, thank you. Right.
Or you want to go on and prepare or something. Right.
They would say,

Speaker 2 I just want, keep going. Let's do it.
Let's finish. Right? Let's finish it.
I just want to get rid of him. And it just got worse and worse and worse.
And he couldn't get a word out, right?

Speaker 2 And we were up there for probably 45 minutes.

Speaker 2 Because I wanted to get something on tape. Wait, so you kept trying? Yeah, we kept trying, trying.
And he's just sweating. You know what I mean? And just shaking.
Can we call him? No, no. He hates me.

Speaker 2 And then I called him. And then I told him, I think I go,

Speaker 2 I'm such a piece of shit. I go,

Speaker 2 you did pretty.

Speaker 2 I said,

Speaker 2 I said,

Speaker 2 we're going to go with it in a different direction.

Speaker 2 Right? But you almost got it, dude. So mean.
Yeah, yeah. That's so mean.

Speaker 2 Really? Yeah.

Speaker 2 Yeah. Yeah, it was just, it was you.
Yeah. It's just that, yeah, because we know the other actress in it.
And I just, you know, I don't think the chemistry's right, but it's not you personally.

Speaker 2 Yeah, it was just, no, you know what? Is the vibe? It was just

Speaker 2 didn't work this time.

Speaker 2 Chime, you know, when I was younger,

Speaker 2 I was terrible at banking. I was confused.
So bad.

Speaker 2 Overdraft charges. Yeah, I just didn't know how to handle my money.
I didn't know how to manage it. And also, no one was there to help.
But Chime understands that every dollar counts.

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Speaker 2 I can't say this guy's name. Here we go.

Speaker 2 He's a friend. He listens to this show.
He's a friend. Yeah.

Speaker 2 And he was auditioning for a movie that a friend of ours was making. And it was in one of those, you ever go into those audition rooms or those,

Speaker 2 it's like a commercial office and it's a ton of rooms. It's like seven rooms.
And they're auditioning in like all of them, right?

Speaker 2 And most of the time, they're closed off and they're walled. Well, this had, it was glass.
It was like an, it's like an an office. You could see right into it.

Speaker 2 And he's sitting there. He, he does the audition and he kills.
He's so fucking funny. He's a super funny dude.
Yeah. And then he gets up and he's like, all right, well, thank you.

Speaker 2 Like he was so confident. He was so stoked that he killed.
He's like, thank you. And they were like, thank you.
He's like, take it easy. And didn't turn.
And

Speaker 2 right into the glass in front of everybody.

Speaker 2 Just smashes his face. Yeah, yeah.
And then he's like, oh, well, up, up, up, up.

Speaker 2 That would have got a laugh. But it was like a, it was like a, oh my God, are you okay? Like it was loud.
Yeah, but it would have been a typical. Oh, I would have died.
I would have been like

Speaker 2 if I did that?

Speaker 2 He laughed. Okay, good.
No, but I mean, they were concerned. He hit it so hard.
Right. He's also a big guy.
So it wasn't like, boom. It was like,

Speaker 2 I mean, he shook the fucking glass. Yeah.
So they were like, oh, dude, are you okay? Yeah. His face

Speaker 2 is pure red from hitting the window.

Speaker 2 And you know what the worst part was?

Speaker 2 He didn't get in the movie. He didn't get it? No.

Speaker 2 It was just because it didn't work out, but he deserved to be in there. He deserved to be in it.
It just wasn't.

Speaker 2 Have you ever walked into the lobby of an audition and

Speaker 2 thought, oh, I should just leave? I mean, almost every time I've done it. No, but you see who's in the room? Yeah, I'll give you one.
I'm not going to name the cast internet because she's famous, and

Speaker 2 I've gone for her like one time. And I'm talking like I'm going up against actual famous people, like very famous people.
I have literally no chance. Shila Buff is there.
Oh, yeah. Why am I there?

Speaker 2 Yeah, yeah. Literally, why am I there? Why am I? Yeah, yeah.
I see Shila Buff outside smoking, reading lines in the patio area. Yeah.
If you know what I'm talking about, you know.

Speaker 2 And I have to go up a couple of stairs. I'm nervous seeing Shila Buff.
Is this place, though, in,

Speaker 2 let me just ask you this. Just a little bit.
Is it in Santa Monica?

Speaker 2 Or is it in Echo Park? No, Santa Monica. I know who it is.

Speaker 2 That place is a nightmare. So I have to go up the stairs.
That place is a nightmare. It is.
And you can see through the stairs. You know, stairs that happen.
I hate that place.

Speaker 2 And I'm walking up the stairs and I see Shia Buffett, and I'm kind of staring at him smoking. Yeah, yeah.
The door is opening. Someone's leaving.
I trip on the top stairs.

Speaker 2 I'm not kidding. I trip on the top stair.
And in my mind, I'm like, go back to your car. Go back to your car.
Go back to your car. I was like, just leave.
Yeah, just leave. I want, I, dude, I was so,

Speaker 2 they all saw me. Yeah.
He looked up. He was smoking, looked up like, oh, is that, is that idiot red-headed guy okay? Yeah.
And everyone looked out there. Oh, my God.

Speaker 2 And I sat there like just, I mean, you know what?

Speaker 2 Dripping with sweat because you're just, I'm so embarrassed.

Speaker 2 Those feelings of I should have just gone. And you know what? I should have gone home.
Yeah. Of course I didn't get it.
Yeah, of course. Why was I there? Yeah.

Speaker 2 You know, Wendy O'Brien. I love Wendy O'Brien.
One of the best. She's like...
In the business. You know, she's put me in almost everything I've done.

Speaker 2 She put me in Davey. Yeah, I've auditioned 50 things for her.
Yeah. Not one thing have I.
She's told me that.

Speaker 2 Not one thing. She told me that.
But she's the one person where I went, I'm not going to get it. Right.
I'm going to go in here. I'm going to kill it.
And I'm not going to get it. But I will.

Speaker 2 go because she's so nice. Because she's one of those people that she'll bring you in because you deserve to to be there.

Speaker 2 But it's not her final call. The casting directors don't have the final call on it.
I understand that, bro. I'm not going to get it.

Speaker 2 I ask Kalila. Every time I get one from her,

Speaker 2 you have to drive on Santa Margo Boulevard. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Yeah. Well, now she's

Speaker 2 kind of industrial. It's in India.
Yeah, yeah. Santa Park Industrial Park.
Right. So whenever I park there and I go,

Speaker 2 there are times where I've walked out of there and asked Kalila. I said, I think I got it.
From Wendy. Yeah.
Didn't happen. It never happened.
Let's give her a call. No, don't call her.

Speaker 2 I'm going to call her right now. Please don't.
I like her so much. Do a door right now.
It's late. Hello? Wendy.
Yeah. Wendy, it's Santino, as you know.

Speaker 2 Look, you're on my podcast, and Bobby wants to ask you something. Uh-oh.
Hi, Bobby. Hi, Wendy.
How are you?

Speaker 6 I'm good. I was just watching Harold and Kumar at Christmas.

Speaker 2 Oh, my goodness. Residuals.
Residuals for me. For you in your pocket.
We were just saying that you're like one of the best casting directors in L.A. and that we just love coming to see you.

Speaker 2 That's all. And what else did you say? Wendy, he needs to tell you something, honestly.
What did I say? He's a little upset that after all these years,

Speaker 2 that he comes out to see you and then he can't book with you.

Speaker 6 Is that, no, that's not true? I have a picture of you with foodies. Dreamcorp, you had nice, a nice set of.

Speaker 2 Oh, yeah. Dreamcorp.
I was in. So you did book with her.
Yes, I did. So you lied.
You lied to our fans.

Speaker 2 Can I just say this, though? Yeah. All right.

Speaker 2 Number one, I didn't know that you were going to call Wendy. I know.
That's why I just started watching. Yeah, you are.
I'm partly kind of, because I love Wendy so much. I'm partly angry at you.

Speaker 2 Good, good, good. I'm like rageful almost, right? But also embarrassed.
Yep. Right.
Yep. And so right now, I'm going to say thank you so much for Dreamcore.

Speaker 2 Wendy, Wendy, I will read for you as many times as you want me to read. I love your fucking, I love you so much.
You know, I love you. And

Speaker 2 Wendy, what he said was, we talked about you and he said how much he really enjoyed you. And he was like, I love her.
I'll read for her no matter what.

Speaker 2 Truthfully, that's what he said. He said, no matter what I go.
And I said, she's my favorite. And I said, well, why don't we give her a call and you can tell her how you feel? I love it.

Speaker 6 I literally was just like watching you. It was last, no, two nights ago.
It came on. I'd never seen any of the Harold McCumars before, but there you are.

Speaker 6 And I only stayed watching it because it's the scene with you in the office. And then

Speaker 2 see?

Speaker 6 Thank you. And I was like, look good.
You look so good.

Speaker 2 You look so good.

Speaker 6 You're so good. See?

Speaker 2 You're just talented.

Speaker 2 Thank you so much, Wendy. And I got to tell you something.

Speaker 2 Wendy is, Wendy's going to be casting something huge, and she said they need Asians for it. So I think

Speaker 2 you might be in it. Wendy, I'll let you go.
We love you. I love you very much.

Speaker 2 She's the one who's going to be a good person.

Speaker 2 Number one.

Speaker 2 Take the jacket off. It's getting warm in here anyway.

Speaker 2 Honestly. Honestly, honestly.
No, let me finish. She loves you.
Let me do it. No, no, no, honestly, honestly.
But tell the story. Honestly.
No, I'm not going to tell the story.

Speaker 2 Honestly, I want to say this.

Speaker 2 Honestly. Honestly.
Honestly. Okay.

Speaker 2 Rudy, what's been going on with you lately?

Speaker 2 I'm fine. You're fine because you're acting a little bit weird.
You've been coming here acting really weird. Huh? Yeah, your vibe is strange.
No, I'm doing good. You're doing very good? Yeah.

Speaker 2 All right, we're going to catch up with you in a second. Hold on, Bob, you ready? Yeah.
Say what you need to say. I was ready.
Go ahead.

Speaker 2 So, and I'm going to just be completely

Speaker 2 truthful with you. Yeah.
Rudy, remember that guy that you said you were going to go on a date with? Yeah. What happened with that?

Speaker 2 I ignored him. Smart.
Smart girl. All right, Bob.
Go ahead.

Speaker 2 Go ahead, Baba.

Speaker 2 Honestly,

Speaker 2 please don't do that again. Talk to Rudy? Yeah.
Why? She's my favorite. Because I was literally in a rage.
I know. I'm calming you down.
I was in a rage. I know.
And that's not helping.

Speaker 2 You're trying to be me this year? This year are going to be me?

Speaker 2 That's not helping. That was putting more fuel on the fire.
I got it. And I almost snapped.
Relax. But don't do that again.
Relax. So tell it.
Go ahead, get it out. But don't do that again.

Speaker 2 As someone who's been doing comedy for you, 30 years, do not do that again. When you say don't, what am I supposed to do?

Speaker 2 If you do it again, in comedy this long, when you say don't do it again, if you do it again, yeah, I'm gonna leave. Yeah, okay.
And then you'll have to go back. I'm gonna roll your eyes again.

Speaker 2 Yeah, 80%. You're gonna get a pullback.
All right.

Speaker 2 Okay.

Speaker 2 You piece of fucking garment. Say it.

Speaker 2 Bro, you. Dude, this is good.
No, no, bro, bro. You're me this year, and I'm you.
This is, bro, what you broke. My stomach is bubbling so I don't give a fuck.
Because I have bubble guts today.

Speaker 2 Yeah, yeah. Let me say something.
You are on my last fucking nerve right now.

Speaker 2 It's

Speaker 2 fucking driving me crazy with your fucking attitude, man.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 You know, I've dealt with your bullshit for a fucking year now. No, you bullshit.
Everything you do. I'm fucking pure and simple

Speaker 2 good guy. Okay.

Speaker 2 I'm pure and simple a good guy. What did happen today that you got in such a bad day? I don't even know.
It doesn't matter. You know, when people wake up and it's just a fucking bad day.

Speaker 2 Your life is great. What happened? I know it is.
I had a bad day. Tell me what happened.
Right, but what I'm just saying is that I get in the car, I drive here.

Speaker 2 Oh, first of all, our food comes at 7 fucking 50, right? Because it's two hours late, right? It's cold because it's outside. You know what I mean? All my shit's soggy.
Let me don't keep that face.

Speaker 2 Wipe that face off your face, man. Keep that face out.
Keep that face out. Jules, go down and get it.
It doesn't come up for another 20 minutes. And then, so then it's now 7.
She's rolled her eyes.

Speaker 2 7.50. I'm like, if we don't get in the car right now, Andrew's going to be mad at me because we're fucking late.
Let me see you roll your eyes. Oh, it's bad.
Do it. Try it.

Speaker 2 Yeah, there we go. That was the

Speaker 2 late, right? Yeah, you're saying I'm going to be late. We're going to be late.
So I couldn't really even eat the food because I was worried of getting late. What about ordering the food earlier?

Speaker 2 We did. We ordered it at 6.
Your food didn't get there for an hour and 45 minutes because it's from the other side of town it was a lot big order right came back soggy

Speaker 2 and so then i um get in the car i come here

Speaker 2 and i'm like i was doing like

Speaker 2 you know just you know

Speaker 2 just be mindful of andrew and be nice and yeah and then um i come in here And the rage and the, it's still there, but then it's like you with your, it started with your eyes rolling back in the back of your head.

Speaker 2 That

Speaker 2 that was like fucking, you know,

Speaker 2 nagging me yeah it was yeah it was just like boop boop here's how good of a day you had you woke up late in the day you sat around and played video games then you ordered food ever played video games one time not today no wow that's why you're pissed off that's not why why are you mad then what could have happened today wait what you know remember the the time that you got all dizzy and you fucking hit your head on the thing

Speaker 2 remember that pussy move that you did oh i can't fuck you know i mean like did i give a shit about that yeah you did

Speaker 2 i know but my point is that. No, that is the point.
I know, but the point is, is that we have weird days where we

Speaker 2 get shit and we go, ooh, I'm dizzy. And we hit our head on the fucking thing.
So, did you hit your head on it? No, I'm just saying. We just had, you know, so today was my head.

Speaker 2 Something had been the catalyst. Today was my dizzy head day.
Yeah, but it had a catalyst. Something was a catalyst.
No, that was a catalyst.

Speaker 2 Because when you say I had a bad day. We were watching a.
I woke up and she was watching.

Speaker 2 Some,

Speaker 2 it wasn't Love Island, but it was some sort of MTV show where a bunch of fucking reality kids are in an island. A Hawaii.
No, just listen, right? And they're like trying to match up with each other.

Speaker 2 Love Island. It's not Love Island, so it's American.
Oh. It was that type of shit.
And then, you know,

Speaker 2 I was watching it. I did watch five episodes of it.

Speaker 2 Oh, that made you mad. No, I was just watching it and I was just kind of going, I didn't know what, because it wasn't the first episode.
It was like, I saw episode four on. Right.

Speaker 2 So I don't know who's with what, and I don't know why this show is on. I don't know why there's interest, right? right?

Speaker 2 And I just see a bunch of young, good-looking people. Yeah.
You mean going,

Speaker 2 you know, I don't know if Johnny likes me, but I'm going to fuck his friend Billy. You know what I mean? And then Billy's just like, yeah, yeah, fuck fucking Savannah.
But you know what, dude?

Speaker 2 It's like, I don't really like her. You know, Margo's my girl.
Yeah, yeah. And it's like all of this going on.
And I'm watching episode, just hours of it, right?

Speaker 2 And inside, I'm like, I want to kill everyone on this island. But you couldn't stop watching it.
I couldn't stop watching it.

Speaker 2 And then it was like, in my early 20s, I would never, you know who would be asked to be on that show? In your

Speaker 2 comic? Theo Vaughan. He was on Rhea World.
I know we can't mention that. He hates it.
He's a little snap. We cannot bring that up.
Why? He's not here. Oh, yeah.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 One time he told me, he goes, yo, man. Don't talk about it.
I'll never talk about that again. Well, because you said it on a podcast with me.
No, I brought him up that way.

Speaker 2 Oh, you brought him on stage.

Speaker 2 Oh, right. I think you've told me the story.
He got pissed off. The road rules.
Yeah, and he just didn't like it, right?

Speaker 2 But dude, everyone has a terrible thing in their past that they.

Speaker 2 So what? I know.

Speaker 2 Most of the things I did on Mad TV, I'm embarrassed about. Sometimes people used to bring me up to punked

Speaker 2 like last year. I was like, what? It was a decade ago.
Club still brigo from Mad TV. It's like, I did that fucking 12, 15 years ago.
You think some kids don't know what that is? Do you think like...

Speaker 2 I don't want them to know. You really don't want? No, I don't.

Speaker 2 See, it's something you should be proud of because you were good on it. No, it's not that.
Listen, I was on a show for eight years. They're like a family to me.

Speaker 2 And, and it was my first, you know, television experience. It was cool.
But you want to move forward? No, it's just, and also it's like, I didn't, um,

Speaker 2 I never really, I couldn't like ride that wave. It wasn't a wave you could ride.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 You know, some people get like, you know, a big thing and they can ride it into something else. I couldn't.
I almost had to go back on the beach. get a new board and then swim back out.

Speaker 2 Yeah, but but it's also because you're not, your priority was always like being funny and not mark marketing is not

Speaker 2 you don't do that thing i don't know how to do that no it's not i'm just kind of just not great at it either it's really hard using um i'm i'm i you know bobby lee is the

Speaker 2 is my franchise you know selling this i mean you it's what it's selling like hotcakes right now

Speaker 2 i'm just this is what i'm selling so my point is i was watching this fucking a bunch of fucking hot people black and mexican

Speaker 2 white you know

Speaker 2 people you And they get to go do free.

Speaker 2 They do free fucks. Right.
They drink and they fuck and they party. They get free fucks.
And in my 20s, I had to pay for it, grovel. Right.
Right. I was never invited to the party.

Speaker 2 So this is just jealousy. And I watched hours of it.
And I think maybe that's what it is. Yeah.
Yeah. I do agree with you.
I think it's because it's like her food and nobody listens to me.

Speaker 2 Go get the food. And, you know, look at her face.

Speaker 2 Look at her face. You know what I mean? I get you a rug and I bring you a big dog.
Let everybody see your cool shirt, your

Speaker 2 Hunter-Hunter shirt. Who gave you that? Tito Bobby.

Speaker 2 Interesting. Very interesting.
That's an interesting fact, actually. Very interesting.
What did you say when he gave it to you? I said, Thank you. I really love it.
Did you give him a big hug?

Speaker 2 A little hug.

Speaker 2 You don't like hugs from her, do you? No, I do like hugs from her. Let me ask you this,

Speaker 2 Jules.

Speaker 2 Sometimes I'll go, hug.

Speaker 2 And what do you say? No.

Speaker 2 No, because he chokes me. Oh, what?

Speaker 2 That makes perfect sense. I've never choked you before in your life.
No, I think we're figuring something out here. I've choked you.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 When? When did I choke you?

Speaker 1 Last week. Last week.

Speaker 2 I put my hands around your neck and I choked you. You could choke from the side.
You don't need to choke.

Speaker 2 That's a hug. Choke.
Hug. Choke.
Look at the way you're doing it. Choke.

Speaker 2 That's a choke. Yeah, but you did.
This is not her head. Pause.
Pause. Look at your body figure.
Her head's here. This is a choke form.
This is choke. Her head is right here.
Choke.

Speaker 2 And I'm hugging her. You think her head is here? Yeah, her little head right here.
No, no, no, no, no, no.

Speaker 2 Her head's here. And I'm hugged like this.
Strong hug.

Speaker 2 Ah yeah. I love you.
Choke. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 So it hurts is what she's saying when you hug her sometimes. It doesn't hurt.
She's a delicate little girl. What did I do to her mom?

Speaker 2 I beat the shit out of her mom. I farted her mom's face when she's sleeping.
I don't give a fuck. Why do you do that to her mom? Fuck, honey.
That's his mom, her mom. I know.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 I have a video on my Instagram where she's sleeping on, her mom, right, is sleeping on my couch in my hotel room, right?

Speaker 2 I know, and you fart on her. I take out the hole

Speaker 2 from the tap, right?

Speaker 2 And I fucking, you know, unload one on her. You're so

Speaker 2 mean.

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Speaker 2 Rules and restrictions apply.

Speaker 2 I fucking,

Speaker 2 I decide, because I'm a good guy.

Speaker 2 I decide, you know what? I'll take some of these fucking people. You know what I mean? These immigrantos.
Immigrantos. These immigrants.
I'm going to take them to

Speaker 2 the greatest place in the world. Where is that?

Speaker 2 Disneyland. Texas.
Disneyland. Oh, yeah.
Right.

Speaker 2 So you bring these, you know, immigrantos to Disneyland, right? Right. You buy the little Mickey Mouse ears.
So that is a mouse ears. Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, yeah. You put the ears.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 Right, you give them the.

Speaker 2 What's that?

Speaker 2 Flag. The wand.
Oh, fishing wire. It's like a the wand.
Oh, oh, the Mickey Wand? The wand. Yeah.
Right, right. You give the,

Speaker 2 you know. Boobs? No, no, you're food, food.
Oh, you feed them.

Speaker 2 You feed them. Yeah, you feed them.
Well, you throw it at them. You're right.
You don't give it to them. Can you catch it with your mouth? Yeah.

Speaker 2 So then we're going. I go, hey, so let's go on Space Mountain.
No.

Speaker 2 What? Right. The immigrantos didn't want to go on Space Mountain.
Oh, we don't do. Yes, you do do.
You do do. You do do when I bring you.
Yeah, you do do. Then we go to another ride.
No, Scary.

Speaker 2 We don't do. Tower of Terror didn't want to do it.
Oh, that one? So now that's called what? The Guardians of Galaxy?

Speaker 2 Yeah. Yeah.
Right? Yeah? It's called Guardians of the Galaxy now. They made it scarier.

Speaker 2 Wait, Tower of Terror is gone? Yeah. One of my favorite rides.
They made it scary. It's now Guardians of the Galaxy.
Guardians of the Galaxy. It's scarier.
Really? Yeah. It's so fucking scary.

Speaker 2 Do people still die?

Speaker 2 No.

Speaker 2 Wow. They just sat on a bench and watched this ride.

Speaker 2 How rude is that? Why?

Speaker 7 I did most of the rides.

Speaker 2 You did Guardian of the Galaxy? Only Guardians of the Galaxy did it. Why didn't you do it? Yeah, what for? I was really scared.
Oh, grow up.

Speaker 2 Really scared. What could happen? Disney's a major corporation.
You think they're going to let you die or get hurt on that ride? No, but I was. That's right.
Just take the hit.

Speaker 2 So I told them I go. I do think people die at least once a year on those things.

Speaker 2 But the odds. Yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's not going to happen.
But you know where I want to take them now? Next time they're in town? Knottsberry Farm. No.
Magic Mountain. Oh, yeah.
Six flags.

Speaker 2 But they'll never go on any of that shit. No, I said, no, you said you would.
I would. Yeah.
No, you won't. No, those are way scarier than Disneyland.
Those are way bigger.

Speaker 2 Those things, when you look at those things, you're like, can I do it? You know,

Speaker 2 you're in line. You're like, oh, what am I doing? Yeah.
That's how scary they are. No, they're freaky.

Speaker 2 You don't even know how to get in. You got to put your ankles in a little metal thing.

Speaker 2 Well, this thing. Well, this isn't the click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click.
And they lock you in. But then also you start by flipping over sometimes.

Speaker 2 Yeah, you're forward. Yeah, they go,

Speaker 2 and you're like, somewhere starting. I know it's so freaky.

Speaker 2 We all got to go. Wait, don't make a face what's that face

Speaker 2 I'm scared no you gotta go you again

Speaker 2 how many people die a year no I'm afraid I'm gonna pee on my pants oh seriously in your pants or on

Speaker 2 she takes her pants off and just pees on them

Speaker 2 approximately four deaths annually in the United States associated with roller coasters although traumatic injuries resulting in the deaths of roller coasters patron tend to receive the most deaths that's too much for my fucking blood I think four that's not that many people how many rides are there though 20 this is well this is only in the united states

Speaker 2 okay how many more deaths how many people a year die how many people die a year at disneyland yeah because there's got to be some uh list of incidence reports oh man there's a whole list

Speaker 2 there's a lot like what well this is uh negligence part of the guest and part of the park wow Well, let's see. Recently, on July 6th, 2019, a fight broke out at Mickey's Toontown

Speaker 2 after reports that a woman had spit into a man's face. The four people and their families were escorted off the property, and charges were considered.

Speaker 2 Like the Tower of Terror incident, it was filmed on camera phone, uploaded to YouTube. What happened to the Tower of Terror? It's look at that.

Speaker 2 2019 was the last time there was an altercation, construction accident this year. 38-year-old construction worker was fatally injured when a steel plate fell on him while working in a trench.

Speaker 2 Oh my God, they tried to perform CPR, but he died.

Speaker 2 Wow. That's so sad.
That's a sad thing that happened to that guy. But again,

Speaker 2 you know, you lose some, you lose some. I guess

Speaker 2 parking structures. Look at how many parking lot structures.
In Mickey's Toontown, what could provoke the fight broke out?

Speaker 2 Like, why would you.

Speaker 2 Hey, bro, you guys are skipping in line to Toontown, eh? And then I would be like, hey, bro, my bad. No, bro, not your bad, bro.
We got to throw down, son. No.
We've been here since two years.

Speaker 2 Are you going to spit on me, bro? Yeah, bro. Back up, son.

Speaker 2 Yeah. This has infectious diseases, too.
Yeah. Between December 17th and 20th, visitors to the park were exposed to measles?

Speaker 2 Is that still around? And look where it's from. Show her some of the rides at Magic Mountain.
Oh, yeah. You got to see some of the

Speaker 2 Magic Mountain rides. You've got to go on these.

Speaker 2 Hot. Six flags at the park, baby.

Speaker 2 Magic Mountain, six flags. It may be one of the best six flags ever.
We had one in Chicago, outside of Chicago. It's called

Speaker 2 Great America.

Speaker 2 And they had the old, they had the American Eagle, was the

Speaker 2 wooden one.

Speaker 2 Our rides. Okay, look, Apocalypse, all wood, sent from the future.
They still got Batman, which is crazy. Yeah.
The best one I don't think they have anymore, Deja Vu. That was fun.

Speaker 2 Well, it's in, no, it's not because it's in alphabetical order. Daffy's Adventure Tours and Dive Devil.
What's Dive Devil?

Speaker 2 That's one of those where you take a leap and it swings through the theme. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Elmer's Weather Balloons. Yeah, forget that one.
And what's the photo they use?

Speaker 2 Yeah, full throttle. Like, this is crazy.
This kind of shit is. Look at that.
Look at that. Bananas.
Bananas. You want to see what it looks like, Rudy?

Speaker 2 This is what we're going to do. We're going to do this.
As soon as Pandy's done, look at, there it is. This is us on full throttle.

Speaker 2 Oh, yeah, dude. And a lot of times people fall out right here.

Speaker 2 People die. People die.
I'm dying. And they hit the rail.
They hit the rail. And then the ground.
Right, they rail first.

Speaker 2 And they break their neck. And usually they end up, they don't actually die right away.
They take the round. These aren't as scary, though.
When the loopy-the-loop ones. No, I like the ones that are.

Speaker 2 Yeah, I like the ones where you go straight from top all the way to the bottom. There you go.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 That's good diversity. Yeah, yeah.
That's the one where it goes straight up. See, I'm always afraid that these bars are going to break.

Speaker 2 Yeah, well, look, it's on just like a hinge. It's on like a.

Speaker 2 It looks like a lollipop. Yeah.
You know what I mean? Like lollipop material. It's just like a hydraulic hinge.
What if this thing just decides to just be like, fail, nip, nip, nip, and opens up?

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 Or you know how it doesn't, you know, like it it locks? Yeah, but I'm always afraid it's going to unlock.

Speaker 2 You know how it locks?

Speaker 2 But there's still some space? Do you know what I mean? Like there's still, it's still, it's still. A little space.

Speaker 2 By the way, speaking of which, have you seen the video that circulated again about DMX on the slingshot? Uh-uh.

Speaker 2 Come on. Who's DMX? DMX, the rapper.
What? Oh, yeah. This guy on the slingshot.
You've never seen this? This is maybe one of the funniest videos I've ever seen in my entire life.

Speaker 2 Has it gone yet? No, he's amping himself up. He's just getting excited to do it.
Why? Just because he's nervous, so he has to yell. Look at how fast he's breathing.
Look at his buddy. Yeah.

Speaker 2 These are grown men.

Speaker 2 Keep going, keep going. No, there's nothing happened.
They slowly let them down.

Speaker 2 Oh, really? Yeah. Oh, I like it when they pass out or they vomit on each other.
Oh,

Speaker 2 when people pass out is my favorite. Ugh, think of how your face is on this sweaty thing.
This is my biggest pet peeve with

Speaker 2 rides and stuff. Yeah.
I mean, think about it. Even pre-pandy, I hated touchy, gross, sweaty, bluck people all up in the thing.

Speaker 2 I don't know how rude it would it be to just wipe it down.

Speaker 2 I would absolutely do it. You're a guy leaves.
What if he turns around and looks at you? And I go, you look gross.

Speaker 2 It's not my fault. You look gross.

Speaker 2 I would absolutely wipe off the... In fact, do you think, I was talking to this.
Do you think people are going to start doing that now constantly?

Speaker 2 Oh, like when pandy's over, do you think that's just going to be the norm? Oh, I mean, when I was on the flight, you know what I mean?

Speaker 2 Everyone in first class was like, you know what I mean? To Hawaii, wiping everything down. Yeah.
That's what I did. That's what I do.

Speaker 2 You didn't wipe it down at all? No.

Speaker 2 I had two masks on. Yeah, you have masks.
Yeah. And I had another fucking shield.
Were you touching it, though? What?

Speaker 2 No, I, you know,

Speaker 2 you know how I do it. Yeah.
You know what I mean? I snuck on like this. I sat down, right? Yeah.
I put the seatbelt on. Right.
And I put more, you know what I mean? Yeah, but that's all.

Speaker 2 And you don't, it's not like you use anything anymore. Well, I just figured, like, if some gets, COVID gets on my.
First of all, you can't get it from surfaces, I heard.

Speaker 2 You could if you touched it, it was fresh and you put it to your mouth or face or something. So who are so?

Speaker 7 Here at Bad Friends, we're not licensed medical professionals. We are comics with barely a high school diploma.

Speaker 7 For medical information, go to the CDC website and, you know, don't fucking listen to us. Cheer.

Speaker 2 They have pictures of it. Look at the COVID just hanging out, smoking.
No, but how long does COVID chill? They don't really know. A couple hours on certain services.
Andres is.

Speaker 2 So Andres's wife is in the medical. Tell us, Andres.
Three days. Three days.
All right, so if I, okay, so for instance, if there was COVID right here on this table, right?

Speaker 2 We cleaned this before everyone. I know, I understand that, but Andreas? Yes.

Speaker 2 And I touched it, right? Yeah. After like an hour.
Yep. And I put it in my eyeball.
Why are you you touching your eye? I put it in my eyeball, right? Could I get COVID? Yes.

Speaker 2 Did we clean this desk this morning? We do. Yeah.
We do every time. Yeah.
Can you get COVID from surfaces? Yeah. No.
Wait, COVID? From surfaces. I know.
From surfaces. Yeah.
I'll do it.

Speaker 2 It may be possible that a person can get COVID-19 by touching a surface or object that has the virus on it and then touching their own mouth, nose, or possibly their eyes.

Speaker 2 But this is not thought to be the main way. Yeah, it's not the main way.
It doesn't matter. It's our way.
What? It's got to be the the main way, babe. No, it's not.

Speaker 2 That's like saying you can't get HIV from having non-butt sex. No, it's like, you know.
Butt sex is probably the most common way. Not the main way.
But you could get it.

Speaker 2 What's the main way? Butt sex. Right? What's the non-main way? Yeah.
Vaginal sex.

Speaker 2 Transfusion. Transfusion.

Speaker 2 There's other ways to get it.

Speaker 2 It's more like. I think that was a good example, Andre.
I know. I think.
Can you get HIV from spinning in somebody's mouth no

Speaker 2 but can you make out with somebody if you both have cuts inside your mouth still won't spread that way even your cuts inside the mouth still wretched way but if i had a cut on my dick and you were giving me a blow jump then the likelihood could could be there yes okay so there we go so that's like what probably

Speaker 2 0.1 percent gets it it's happened right it's happened there was a guy

Speaker 2 there was a guy that had a huge

Speaker 2 risk on that all right well i guess i'm gonna if i have a cut on my dick and you have a cut in your

Speaker 2 thing and i have hiv or you have hiv i'm willing to take the risk well if you have hiv and you're gonna give it to me then you don't care at all.

Speaker 2 Okay, but if you, even if you had HIV, you had a cut in your mouth, right, and I had a cut on my dick, I would fucking risk it. You would? Yeah.

Speaker 2 Really? Oh, yeah. That seems silly.
Because you could probably, it's what, 0.001% chance to get it. That's, but the one existed.
But then I'll be like, I'll go to fucking Magic Johnson's house.

Speaker 2 He beat it. I know.
Okay, well, then.

Speaker 2 Give me your shit. Give me the fix.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 Now, do you think he got it from a guy?

Speaker 2 That's a real, that's real. Because his wife doesn't have it.

Speaker 2 I think when we saw that Richard Pryor thing the other day,

Speaker 2 I think more guys fuck in the ass and

Speaker 2 that we're not privy to. A lot of men have had sexual relations with men.

Speaker 2 Done stuff with men. I believe, and I truly believe this, that you've done some stuff with men.
Okay.

Speaker 2 And don't be embarrassed about it. No, I mean, I haven't, but I mean, don't be embarrassed by it.
Okay. Okay.
You have, and don't be embarrassed. What did I do? do?

Speaker 2 I don't know your private life, but I'm just, I know your nature. Yeah.
And I know what kind of guy you are. You've had.

Speaker 2 No, I'm just being honest.

Speaker 2 When did I do this? I don't know when you did this. No, you do.
So tell me when. You probably happened in college.
What college did you go to? Arizona State. Arizona State.
Right. It's a party town.

Speaker 2 Big party school. Right.
You probably went to a party. Yeah, I'm there.
I see. And you got drunk.
Yeah. Right.
And you went,

Speaker 2 hey, John, just kidding.

Speaker 2 Yeah. And John went, all right.
Maybe John was going to be there. The closest I've ever come

Speaker 2 is being in a three in the Devils threesome. Me and my friend and a girl.
Yeah, but what'd you do in the Devils?

Speaker 2 The true story?

Speaker 2 Or the comedy girl? What'd you do in the Devils? Here's what's really sad. What? Did you touch his penis? No.
No. Did your penises touch penises? No, not even close.

Speaker 2 Because she was dog style and I was hitting it from behind, and then he was getting his knobs lobbed. And the worst part was, is he started talking? Yeah.
And it freaked me out.

Speaker 2 And I had to, like, as fast as I could, I had to, he was like, oh, yeah.

Speaker 2 And I was like, no, no. I was already weirded out about the whole thing.
Yeah. You know what Mike Burton did to me? Who? He's a comic named Mike Burton.
What did he do to you? He gave me a thumbs up

Speaker 2 while you guys were hooking up with something? Yeah, with the girl. He did this.
He didn't give you a thumbs up. He went like this.
I was just, I was going down on her, right?

Speaker 2 And he was getting blown by her. Right?

Speaker 2 Man, you got the raw end of that, too. Yeah, I was eating her out, and I look up, and he looked, he was looking at me the whole time, I think.
Yeah. Right?

Speaker 2 Because it's like, because once I looked up, he was already looking at me he's just staring down at me out yeah i was just like i was doing my business down here man you know what i mean don't look at my work you're diving and he's just chilling you know what i mean yeah hey bob yeah so i i'm done i look and he's like this and he looks at me he goes

Speaker 2 and i went

Speaker 2 you know and you kept going yeah and i kept going see that's very nice that you kept going No, my buddy talked.

Speaker 2 My buddy talked and I had to finish as fast as I could. Yeah.
And this is probably mean. She probably took this the wrong way.
I got in the shower immediately.

Speaker 2 They kept hooking up for the next like hour. I got in the shower and went back downstairs at the party.
Yeah. That was the closest I've come to any kind of like male sexual encounter.

Speaker 2 I've never had one. I'm be genuine with you.
I would tell you if I had something weird.

Speaker 2 I've taken Brian Keith Etheridge and Aaron Cater. B-K-E.
You know, B-K-E? Yeah. Yeah, yeah.
And Aaron Cater.

Speaker 2 I've taken the breakfast with the girls afterwards. Wait, what?

Speaker 2 Explain what you're saying. I had a sexual thing with a bunch of girls and Aaron Cater and Brian Keith Etheridge.
All you guys together? Yes. Weird combo.
And then after, I know.

Speaker 2 And then afterwards, you know what I mean? I bought breakfast. That's

Speaker 2 no, but that's one of the, like, I wish I hadn't done that. Was that a Cafe 101? Rest in peace? No, it was a lot of people.
It was in Vegas. Oh, okay.
But it's such a weird, awkward breakfast.

Speaker 2 Yeah, of course. Why would you? You five in the morning, you just want to go to sleep.
You want everyone out? Yeah. Because it's your hotel room.
Right.

Speaker 2 Where you want everyone out and you're just kind of eating this shitty omelet.

Speaker 2 You know what I mean? You know what I mean? You got like

Speaker 2 you have things in your mouth. You know what I mean? You have like chunks of other things in your mouth, right? You're completely just depleted of any kind of like fluids.
Right. Right.

Speaker 2 And you're just, you feel gross about the whole experience. Also, you,

Speaker 2 I don't, you know, at the time, I didn't know those two guys that well. How did that even happen? We weren't besties.
Right. You know what I mean? I met them on open mic.
It was just a gig.

Speaker 2 It was a gig, right? And I'm just eating this fucking shit and just looking at them. And you know, Brian Krith

Speaker 2 is one of the ugliest guys

Speaker 2 I've ever seen in my fucking. You said it, not me.

Speaker 2 Is he handsome? I don't remember. He has no chin.
Literally none. Well, what if he hears this, Bob? He's I've already talked about it.
I've done, I did this.

Speaker 2 I did this story on Comedy Central already. But you call him ugly? Yeah.
He's one of the ugliest people I've ever seen in my life.

Speaker 2 Really? You think this guy's the most one of the ugliest people you've ever seen in your life? Depends on what photo you see. Oh, that.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 You're a mean one, Mr. Grinch.
He's not that ugly. He again looks like another Rick Lassman.
It is funny how many Rick Lassman are. Is this him now? That's what he looks like now, huh? Wow.

Speaker 2 That's not him. Sure is.

Speaker 2 Sure is. That's not him.
Yes, it is. Yes, it is, dude.
That's him today. No, that's him right there.
This, right here. Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, that's him. That's him.
Right there on the right. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Not on the left. This is him right here.
Yeah, that's him.

Speaker 2 He's all right looking. He's all right, I guess.
Rudy, what do you think about that guy? Is he handsome?

Speaker 2 He looks creepy. He looks creepy, she says.
Oh, he is creepy.

Speaker 2 He is very creepy.

Speaker 2 What vibe?

Speaker 2 Why does he give you that vibe right away? The mouth and the eyes. The mouth.
See, women can tell if guys are creepy by their mouth.

Speaker 2 Isn't that weird? Yeah. Let's show her a picture of somebody and see if she thinks they're creepy just by their mouth.

Speaker 2 Who's somebody we're friends with that we can show her and see if they're creepy, right? Just by their mouth. A comic she might not know.
Okay. Give me somebody.
Who's someone that she might not know?

Speaker 2 Do they look creepy? Yeah. Do you know who Anthony Jeselnick is? No.
Great. Perfect.
Close your eyes. Close your eyes.
All right.

Speaker 2 Is this guy

Speaker 2 a creep or whatever?

Speaker 2 No, no, no, no. Zoom in the mouth first.
I mean, that's as close as I'm going to get. No, so you she can look at the mouth and not the face, and then she can zoom out.
Oh, that's very smart.

Speaker 2 Keep your eyes closed, woman. Yeah.
All right. That's as close as we can get on this, dude.
You can't zoom into the mouth? No.

Speaker 2 Okay, there we go. Do that.
All right. What do you think?

Speaker 2 Yeah. Creepy? Yeah.
Wow, interesting. And then that's what he looks like regular.
How do you think?

Speaker 2 Kind of. Oh, still? Wow.
All right. Close your eyes again.
He's cute as fuck. I think he's really, yeah, he's a handsome guy.
Jim Jeffries. Do you know Jim Jeffries? She doesn't know who he is.

Speaker 2 Do you know any of them? No. This mouth right here, right?

Speaker 2 All right, Rudy.

Speaker 2 Creep or not a creep?

Speaker 2 I don't think so. I don't think so.
I don't think so. That's Jim.

Speaker 2 Oh, is it bad now?

Speaker 2 It's bad now. Is it bad now? I know.
Yeah, yeah. Wow.
Great guy. Great guy.

Speaker 2 Another great guy, great comic. Great guy.
So maybe you think all guys are creepy. Yeah.
Close your eyes. Close your eyes.
Let's do one more.

Speaker 2 Another one. Let's do one more.

Speaker 2 I want to see if you.

Speaker 2 All right, Rude. What do you think?

Speaker 2 Is this guy creepy? Yeah.

Speaker 2 Yes, he is. By the way, what a photo, Bobby.
Oh, my God. Promo? Yeah.
And they said, take another one, and you said, that one's the one.

Speaker 2 That one will do. Yeah, fuck you.
Let me see that photo. I've never seen that photo before.
This one? Yeah. What's going on? This is on a morning news show.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 And you look like you're dripping from Coke sweat.

Speaker 2 Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 It's really sad what they're able to put up on the internet without your approval. I know.
You don't have to say yes. You don't get to say yes to any of this.
Yeah, I have so many bad photos.

Speaker 2 Oh, terrible. Like, why is that up there? I don't know.
Look at this one. Khalila looks great.
She looks great on that. She looks great.
That's so funny.

Speaker 2 Now, see that other Asian guy with his name is Bobby Lee, too, and he's trying to get, yeah, he's trying to get into my fucking shit area. No, I know.
Yeah. God, his eyes are so far apart.
I know.

Speaker 2 Like a hammerhead sharp.

Speaker 2 This is not going anywhere. This podcast.
I can't. I can't.

Speaker 2 We have to continue some other time. No, no, we're going to do a little bit more time.
It's terrible. I can't do it.
I'm just not. Everything I'm saying is not good, and I'm just going, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 You're fine. No, it's not.
It's not good. I feel you.
It's tough. No, you don't.
I'm not adding information. For some reason, I'm just kind of like

Speaker 2 lost and I don't know what to say. I don't know what to

Speaker 2 every story I had to cut around because I've already said it a thousand times. It's like, I've done so many podcasts.
It's like you just, you know, I know, I know.

Speaker 2 Yes, it's like, you just kind of get to a point where it's like, what else is there to say? I don't know what else to say. I don't know.

Speaker 2 We can live in the conversation of the moment and let it go where it is. I know, but it's like, it's nice.
Sometimes it's like, I don't know.

Speaker 2 And we went into magic mountain rides.

Speaker 2 That was ridiculous.

Speaker 2 And it was really kind of fun.

Speaker 2 And then, like, it's drifting in and out of different things that don't really make any kind of sense to me of why anyone would give a fuck.

Speaker 2 It's amazing to me that anybody gives a fuck in general. And they do.
You know what I mean? Like, who gives a fuck? They do. They like it.

Speaker 2 This is your existential moment. Yeah, you're really having a crisis right now.
Do you do this on Belly?

Speaker 2 No, because

Speaker 2 he has a video games in there. He turns around and plays video games.

Speaker 2 That's not it.

Speaker 2 And Belly, it's different because it's like we talk about

Speaker 2 Belly's different because we talk about what's going on in the house. Also, we have a guest.
Yeah, no, the guest. And then we also, it's, it's also, I always tell, like,

Speaker 2 it's just different, you know. This one, the pressure is

Speaker 2 is more. There's no pressure on that one because this one, you know, it's like, you're so good that, like, you know, I just, sometimes I just kind of go,

Speaker 2 I don't want to, I don't know what I'm doing.

Speaker 2 You don't want to do it anymore? No, I want to do it. I just, of course I want to do it.
No, I know. You know what I mean? I just don't know what I'm doing right now.

Speaker 2 Well, let's get to another, let's get to another point and then we can, we can cruise. Well, we have to do this cruise.
You might need a little break or something.

Speaker 2 Smoke a cigarette. And that'll help me.
Look at me. Look at at me.

Speaker 2 Look at me, sweet boy.

Speaker 2 Well, you're doing good. Why are you having this existential weird moment?

Speaker 2 You don't know what anything means, really.

Speaker 2 Let's talk about that. I don't know what anything means.
I don't know anything.

Speaker 2 That's another thing. I realize I don't know anything.

Speaker 2 I don't know anything.

Speaker 2 No, I really don't know. I don't know anything about anything.

Speaker 2 I don't know how anything works. I don't know what I believe in.
I don't know, you know, how long I have left. What am I doing with the time that I have?

Speaker 2 You know what I mean? What is this?

Speaker 2 I mean, genuinely, do you mean this? Yeah, I have these moments of just like, what would you rather be doing?

Speaker 2 Even when I'm playing video games, I'm like,

Speaker 2 this isn't it.

Speaker 2 What do you think you should be doing filling your phone?

Speaker 5 That's the thing.

Speaker 2 There's got to be some. You're having kind of like a midlife crisis.

Speaker 2 No, I'm not. I think it has to do with like the pandemic because it's like, I can't leave.
So it's like, you know, I can't leave. And I can't do anything.
I can't do anything that I want to do.

Speaker 2 I can't do stand-up. I can't do anything.
So it's like my days are left of just watching old Star Trek Next Generation episodes to trying to watch.

Speaker 2 Other things that you know I mean that people are saying you should watch this This is great on Netflix. It's trending number three.

Speaker 2 You know I mean and you just kind of watch it this morning when I watched that reality show was just on. I was watching it going, this is the day.

Speaker 2 And this is going to end the same as it did last night. And then it's like, and then I realize, like, what's the point of it all? There's nothing to do.
Wow.

Speaker 2 And then I'm going to Hawaii, you know, at the end of the week or when a couple weeks, I don't know when I go, you know, but it's like,

Speaker 2 why? We'll go. What's the point? Because there's a job there.
Yeah, I know.

Speaker 2 But let's talk. No, I'm being serious.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 Are you having this crisis moment because you feel like you're not being fulfilled?

Speaker 2 It's not just fulfilled. What's the point of it all? Well, let's go over the point.
There is no point. I hate this business.

Speaker 2 Let's get out. And I'm done, I think.

Speaker 2 You're done. In a week, you're going to Hawaii to film another episode of Magna Park.
Yeah, that's not in the business, though. That is literally the business.

Speaker 2 Yeah, but when you show up there, it's like you realize they even go, people watch this.

Speaker 2 It's not a thing like, you know, when I did love

Speaker 2 and Chodapatelle's around, everyone's around, and they take themselves seriously. That right there, to me, is the business.
You know what I mean?

Speaker 2 So you prefer when people are taking themselves seriously? No, I want to be a part of that group. I want to be a part of like the cool group.
I want to be a part of like... You are in the cool group.

Speaker 2 I'm not. I'm in the like ghetto shit.
Here's the problem that I think you're mistaken.

Speaker 2 Most people aren't in this fake group that you think people are in. I don't want to be in it.
You're not in it. And

Speaker 2 it doesn't exist. It does.
No, because you ask them and they'll even tell you. I don't even know what you're talking about.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 You want to be in it too. And that's why you butt heads with them.
Butt heads with who?

Speaker 2 You know who you're talking about. Who? I know.
Tell me who.

Speaker 2 What's his name? Seth.

Speaker 2 Seth? The guy that was in the disaster auditors. What's his name?

Speaker 2 Seth Rogan? Yeah. How do I butt heads? What are you talking about? How about you?

Speaker 2 You gave him shit about the lines and the thing, and then he no, I no, I didn't give him shit about it. I publicly talked shit about not having a shit.

Speaker 2 But you have to understand that there was tension between you two, you said. No, the idea was, the idea was like, I don't think they cared that I was bummed, that I got taken out.
So that made me sad.

Speaker 2 It was a bummer. But then you approach him and then he was like weird with you?

Speaker 2 No, but no, I didn't approach him about the lines. But the next time I saw him, it was kind of weird.
Yeah. Are you weird now with him? I haven't seen him.
Yeah, but you think there's weirdness?

Speaker 2 Do you think he likes you? I don't think he cares about me. I don't think he gives a fuck that I exist.
I I think he probably. That's what it is.
I think he probably.

Speaker 2 And there are people that he does care about. Well, of course.
Yeah. No, but I'm okay with that.
I just think that he goes, that kid's nice, kind of funny. It didn't work out with us.

Speaker 2 I don't think he cares. But here's my thing.

Speaker 2 I got to be a part of a group, right, that's doing high-level shit. that everyone wants to be a part of.

Speaker 2 We make this show and people fucking love this show. I know, but I know, I understand.

Speaker 2 That's great. So you want this to be highbrow and fucking

Speaker 2 harbor lampoon lampoon shit no no no i don't want to say high no but i want it like i'm not smart enough you and i are not that smart that's what i'm saying what are we doing this is great what are we doing we're dumb yeah it's great what are we doing around we're speaking we gotta read something man we gotta learn about things we're speaking for the idiots oh god that's it

Speaker 2 people need we're dumb we're dumb But we've always said we're dumb. Oh.
And let me tell you something.

Speaker 2 I don't want to be smart because this is fun.

Speaker 2 I'm having a great fucking time. Being dumb with you is more fun than anything I've done.
And it's usually great. It's usually

Speaker 2 like, you know,

Speaker 2 there are snooty parts about me. Yeah, but you've manufactured that.
No, I'm very snooty when it comes to like, you know what I mean? I don't like these kind of films. Are these kind of

Speaker 2 manufactured that?

Speaker 2 You've made that up. And I've always wanted to be a part of like the cool group.
And it's like, even since I was in fucking high school i could never get in

Speaker 2 i could never get in with the cool kids here's the here's the irony and i want to be in the cool kids now name to me the cool kids because they were the dorks for sure who you think are the cool kids are were dorks i know so what are you even talking about

Speaker 2 you don't want to be friends with them

Speaker 2 whoever you're talking about they don't exist i know you you make up the idea that there's this group that you would join and hang out with but it's not

Speaker 2 you know i i do these podcasts because

Speaker 2 it was the last thing that I could do to survive. At the beginning.
Yeah,

Speaker 2 it was like, oh, it's either this or get a day job. But now you do the podcast.
My point is, is that, so the podcasting stuff isn't,

Speaker 2 you know, I love doing it and saved me in a way, right? But it's like, it wasn't, you know, why you came to L.A.

Speaker 2 Why did you come to LA?

Speaker 2 I thought that, I honestly thought that I would be a movie star. But that's not, that's, but that's not, that's not a real thought.
What is that? I know, but that's what was my dream.

Speaker 2 Like, I'm going to be a movie star, and I'm going to do these. I'm going to do all this stuff.

Speaker 2 But you are a working act. Readjust your dream then.
I know. I'm going to have to.
But my point is that, and so every once in a while, people think that I'm complaining or whining. I'm not whining.

Speaker 2 I'm just, you know, I'm just, it gets to a point where you're just kind of like,

Speaker 2 what the fuck am I doing? You know? And it has to do with the pandemic, too. It's like, you know, I don't, like, here's another thing.
And this is

Speaker 2 a part of my thing is, you know, every once in a while, I like to go buy clothes.

Speaker 2 I know. You know, I have this weird obsession with like, you know, I'll go, you know, I'll go to Self-Edge and maybe I'll get a new, you know what I mean, Japanese raw denim.
You know what I mean?

Speaker 2 I'll wear it out this year. I'll just wear it every day, right? And get the creases and make it right, right?

Speaker 2 And so

Speaker 2 you look at my emails. I've ordered 10,000 things online.
And none of them come. Yeah.
None of it's come. So I can't even do that.

Speaker 2 Every morning I wake up, right?

Speaker 2 right and I go out to the balcony because I from the balcony I can look down to see like packages yeah and there's all these gigantic boxes filled with like ottomans and chairs that fucking Kalila gets right or lamp fixtures right right and I'm just looking for that little tiny jacket you know or you know or you know the underwear that I bought right you know I mean or the socks or whatever right and it's that they and they say it's delivering track your but I don't know how to do any of that right right so I don't know how to track it I don't know where it is I mean I have things.

Speaker 2 I bought a fucking, you know that couch, that French, the Italian couch I have? Right. A part of that deal, I bought these really cool light things, right? They're like light fixtures, right?

Speaker 2 And I remember a year ago when I bought the fucking Italian couch, I said,

Speaker 2 hey, you can throw in one of those fancy light fixtures? He said, ah, no problem, buddy.

Speaker 2 How many do you want? I go, four.

Speaker 2 Great, man. There's only four left anyway.
And then, you know, we've got the Italian couch and I go, Clyde, where's the lamp fixtures? She goes, it's somewhere in Culver City and something.

Speaker 2 And I go, I guess I'll never get it. You didn't get it.
You know what I mean?

Speaker 2 This sounds like

Speaker 2 it's just

Speaker 2 anything.

Speaker 2 I can't get anything.

Speaker 2 So it's like. The frustration is obvious.
And I'm so sensitive, I guess, because of this pandemic.

Speaker 2 I think that's a part of it.

Speaker 2 I can't take any kind of criticism. Criticism.
But that's okay. Yeah.
Because we're going to get through it and it's going to be fine on the other end.

Speaker 2 I'm just a jumbled

Speaker 2 of nerves.

Speaker 2 You need a release. Yeah, there's nothing, you know, and you know, they're so rude to me at the house.
You know what I mean? That I can feel. Yeah, they're so rude to me at the house.

Speaker 2 When you say your king, and she goes, I want, you're not my king. Right.
You know, I go, tell me how you're king. You know,

Speaker 2 do I not say that? Who's the king? And you won't tell me you're the king unless I threaten you? Yeah. Yeah.
Who is the king?

Speaker 2 Dico.

Speaker 2 Interesting. See, that's what I'm saying.
That's interesting. Yeah, and she's not the king.
Can I?

Speaker 2 You think that, like, when I was, first of all, you know what I mean? I'm usually, you know where I got to. It's okay.
No, no, no, no, no.

Speaker 2 I'm so sorry about my existential.

Speaker 2 I'm going through this. Look at me.
Look at me. Don't be sorry.
Yeah, yeah. It's a great, it's an honest moment that you're having.
Yeah,

Speaker 2 honestly, this whole podcast, I was just like the whole time thinking, what am I doing here? Sometimes your mind gets in those things. What are we saying? Yeah, you're becoming like a nihilist.

Speaker 2 No, no, I'm not. I'm just, I'm literally going, why would anyone want to listen to this too, you think? I don't know.
Yeah, yeah. But they do.
And I appreciate it. Yeah, yeah.
And

Speaker 2 I'm appreciative. I love when they call in the guy with gigantism and the dwarves and all the people that, and the lady, everyone calling in and going, you know what I mean? You know what I mean?

Speaker 2 We love, you know what I mean? Keep going. And they buy the merch.
You know, and they tag me in it and they make little videos of me. It's really sweet.
And I really appreciate it.

Speaker 2 And I go, but deep down, I'm going, why do you like it?

Speaker 2 You know what I mean? And I'm glad you do. I'm going to keep doing it because, you know, there's nothing else to do.
Do you like it? I love doing it. Yeah.
I like seeing you and I like doing it. Yeah.

Speaker 2 There are times where I'm like, oh, that's a funny bit. Or, you know what I mean? Oh, that we really, you know what I mean? Yeah.
We went this way with it. Yeah.
And that was fun, right?

Speaker 2 But today was not it. No.
Today was just like, um, that's not it. I'm glad we had, I mean, a lot of it was great.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 Right, George? Yeah, short.

Speaker 2 All right.

Speaker 2 Hey.

Speaker 2 Thank you for being a bad friend.