Great White Sharks Eat Fat Koreans

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You two are bad friends.

Who are these two idiots?

White dude and Asian dude.

You two are disgusting.

You two are something.

We're bad friends.

Happy 2021.

Have we started?

Yeah, we can.

No, we can start

whenever you want. Oh, we can? Happy 2020 to 2021.
2020, 2021. 2021.
I've been, honestly, since the new year, I've been a little lost, man. What do you mean? I've just been in a daze, bro.
I just don't know. There's nothing going on.
Yeah, but I mean, oh, did you think everything was going to change? Just, no. I didn't think it was think it was.
Yeah, nothing's going on. Everyone's doing that thing where they thought 2021 was going to be a remarkable difference.
It's the same shit. We're still in 2020.
Same, yeah. We're in 2020.
Yeah, nothing changed. This is August of 2020.
Yeah, I thought something would change even within myself. You didn't have any moments of reflection and change? Well, the one thing that's changed is that I've been pressing in the button of my – so when I'm in war zone – no, I'm being real.
I know. I don't know.
For some reason, I'm pressing in the button with my thumb because – and when I'm trying to shoot, I press in with my button and i do a swing like a punch yeah so it's like when people are shooting me right instead of shooting i've been doing a punch right and so people have been watching me die that way oh because then they kill then they shoot you and kill you yeah so and it looks sometimes it looks like i'm dancing so my brother goes the are you dancing, bro? Showing off your moves? And I was dancing like this and then I died. Yeah, so that's happened.
You feel like you lost some of your skill? I watched some good movies. I saw The Call on Netflix.
You see that Korean movie? No. Oh, you'd love it, bro.
The Call? Yeah, and then I saw that movie Run on Hulu. Do you see that one? No.
Oh, bro. The Run was so good.
What is The Run? The Run is that, oh, I forgot the actress's name. She's very good, though, and it's like she has a daughter and his daughter, her daughter is, she's in a wheelchair.
She's got problems. You know what I mean? Oh, no.
oh no no no don't do that what happened

well i don't want to give away don't give it away because they always get so mad when we give stuff away but what i realized what i realized is is that the the actress in the wheelchair in the wheelchair is an actual handicapped person that's nice and you know what now they're casting it that way so it's like now you know how daniel day lewis was in my left foot and he played the...

What is it?

You know.

A pianist?

What is that no you played the high keyboard no no he played the um the twisted guy the pretzel oh I don't know pretzelman pretzelman yeah that was his played the – and now if they're going to make that movie, they have to cast a real guy. This is the never-ending debate.
Why? What do you mean? What if they can't find someone good enough that does the thing? There's three guys and they're just going to pick the best of the three people. But OK.
OK. So how about this? Can someone who's not gay play a gay role? Or never again? Well, I don't think so anymore.
But then can someone who is gay play not gay? Oh, that's interesting. No.
We will refuse. I refuse.
Right. You're taking roles away from straight white males.
Yeah. Powerful, sis.
But also, but also. You know what I mean, though.
Yeah. But now it's like, hey, I want to, can I audition for that movie? It's Chinese.
So why can't. So then I can't do it.
See, that's bullshit. But I go, look at my eyes.
Yeah, you look Chinese. Oh, come on.
Everyone I talk to when they go to your podcast with that Chinese guy. All right.
I never correct them. I know.
I go, my Chinese bud. Right.
Bob Lee. But I can't even get into Ching Chong shit.
You know what I mean? No, you could. But I think you've burned a couple of Asian bridges.
No, no, no, no. What are they called over there? Are bridges called something different in Asia? Overwater Road?

Bridge.

Bridge.

Bridge.

Bridge.

I don't know, man.

But like, yes, the lady, like, that's why, like, Gary Oldman can't be in tiptoes.

You know tiptoes?

No.

What is tiptoes?

Come on, man.

What's tiptoes?

Look up tiptoes.

George, have you seen this? Nope. I'm wrong.
He can't do this role anymore. No.
Okay, push pause for a second. Wait a minute.
What's that girl's name is that is that the British girl what's her name the British girl who's that actress isn't she isn't she she looks like I thought it was like Gwyneth Paltrow's mom who is that girl she looks I hate that scene because it's like who walks into a fucking house full of small people yeah and makes a face and goes oh yeah yeah like you and i would pretend like you know inside ourselves like holy fuck yeah you're crumbling yeah yeah what are we in the fucking wizard of oz but outside of it you'd used to be like everything was normal yeah you have to go to everything that's like uh i you do that now when you see someone with a thing and you can't, you're not allowed to do anything about it. You don't make a fucking sitcom face.
You know what I mean? Yeah, and get angry or disgusted. I want to watch Tiptoes.
Keep going. We're late.
Push the mic. You couldn't prepare us.
Hey, mom, by the way. You couldn't prepare us for this, by the way? We're coming in here.
There are a bunch of dwarves in here. By the way, you would have to say that.
If I, if you. Yeah, why, why, yeah, that's it.
Why wouldn't they, she would have said something. They would have already said it.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Hey, by the way, my whole family is LPs.
Yeah, just FYI, there's a bunch of small people there. Don't make a face.
But you're not going to say that right before you walk in. You say that way long time ago.
In the car ride. When you first said.
you're coming to meet my parents i'm picking your parents i'm big i'm picking my parents up okay that's it's kalilah's fucking kalilah's fucking family by the way a bunch of little filipinos would that'd be then i then i would go oh i would no i would go don't laugh yeah yeah but i would laugh but i know so if i picked you up i'd be like you can't we can't go there. No, we never.
Yeah, yeah. Because you're going to laugh.
Yeah. But I would laugh.
But I would laugh. If I picked you up, I'd be like, we can't go in there.
No. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Because you're going to laugh. Why? They're dwarves and you're going to be like, I'm not going to laugh at dwarves.
They're Filipino dwarves. And you're going to go, okay, I can go in.
I'm going to lose it. Dude, that's not that girl.
Who's that girl on the left? I don't give a fuck who that lady is. I know, but I'm stuck on her face now.
I'm stuck on her face now I'm stuck on her face Tiptoes Peter Dinklage, Gary Oldman Yeah, Kate Beckinsale, the British woman That's who I thought that was Oh, you mean, I thought the girl to the right you were talking about No Oh, I like her She's like the underworld She's looked like that since she was that age You looks like now? Underworld. Look at this.
This is what, 2003? Yeah, yeah. Can we finish the trailer before you go back? Please.
Please, let's finish it. Sorry.
I didn't know you wanted it. Show me later.
Okay. When the going gets rough, it's only the size of your heart that counts.
Would it be that big of a deal if our kid was a boy? Okay, stop for a second. Push pause, all right? She said, would it be that big of a deal if her kid was a dwarf? But what a gamble.
You know what I mean? Because it's like, you know, Matthew McConaughey is like one of the most handsome guys. Yeah.
So it's like either, you know, I'm having a baby. You know, there's midges in his, you know.
Bloodline. Bloodline.
Yeah. But he's so handsome.
He could go 50-50. But you could get a handsome midget.
Oh, that's true's true you could get a very handsome midget so there's three things that could happen who's the most handsome ugly midget yeah a handsome midget or really handsome no regular well what if you this would be funny if he got an ugly regular a full-size hideous that would be good kate beckensdale and him have like the ugliest man on earth like Who's a regular-sized guy. It was like Steve Buscemi that was in a fire.
Yeah, where like the tooth comes out of the skin, you know? Yeah, yeah. Like it's got one of these balcony teeth.
Yeah. Yeah.
It could be, this could be, this could have gone the other way. Is that Jeff Foxworthy? There's Pete.
Yeah. Oh.
There's a little people couple that lives in my neighborhood and i see them at the bar i used to see them when we would when life was open yeah and uh and they can drink you you think that you're like little person they're you know uh their livers have to be also tiny yeah you know. They can drink.
Drink, drink.

Yeah, but...

Where do they put it all? I know. I'm just saying

though that like... They have to pee more.
They might still have

little livers. They have little livers.
They might die earlier.

They do. Yeah, they might die

earlier. Because of the drinking.
Yeah.

Oh. Well, rest in peace.
I don't

know if I'll see those guys ever again.

Yeah.

Does anybody believe Matthew McConaughey? Look, they got one. So their baby is an LP.
Yeah. Wow.
I know. It's incredible.
The cast. Like, this is stacked.
It's stacked. Why would they do this? I don't know.
Why would they do that movie? The script can't be good. No, the first thing you read, you'd be like, this is offensive.
This is crazy. Yeah, it's just straight up offensive.
But 2003, that's long enough ago where, yeah, dude. It's one of those situations where his agent, Gary Oldman's agent said, listen, man, you could win an Oscar.
Right. He's like, really? Yeah, if you can pull can pull this off yeah and then once they attached him it was over all you have to do is like yeah forget the script Gary Oldman's playing the guy yeah you could get an Oscar out of it and then like everyone was like I'll do it that's why that's how they got it you have one name yeah you sync one name yeah and then everyone else was like okay yeah it's not like they got Kate Beckinsale first.
No. They got Gary.
People were like, well, I know, but who's playing the little one? Was Dinklage famous by then? Not really, right? No. I can't find tiptoes.
I can find – it's like that movie – I think what happened is somebody – it's one of those situations where – you know how Robert De Niro – apparently I heard that he bought the rights to Frankenstein.

Yeah, so no one else would –

Yeah.

I think a lot of big stars will find like a movie that's so embarrassing and they figure out how to squash it.

How to just get a hold of it?

Yeah, yeah.

Like who do you think bought that?

Gary?

He doesn't have the money.

Who doesn't?

Matthew McConaughey. So rich.
Maybe. He could have bought it and been like, you're not going to show that.
Not when my book's coming out. Yeah.
Hey, guys. Talking about little people, I think you guys have a call with the giant from New Year's.
Oh, yeah. This is great.
What? You remember the guy with gigantism? Yeah. From New Year's we're gonna we're gonna we're gonna get him on the phone i have so many questions i have one i have one okay i'm nervous don't be nervous oh this shit just disconnected hello hello hey there hello i don't know what's up guys bob look at that he's got to be able to see you right there just say hi move over so he can see you right there no right there right here look yeah there you go there you go what's up what's up dog what's up buddy hey so so say your name fill in the blanks give us give us all your story um i'm alex i'm from nashville i'm 29 um i'm also a giant quite literally i have gigantism or acromegaly as it's called um and lost about 206 pounds as of today actually you know when you said that when you said that blew me away it blew us away and congratulations you lost me i'm 200 pounds you lost me you lost a whole knee.
Let me ask you something.

I've never met a giant before.

And I didn't even know where you were coming on today,

so I'm just coming up with these questions.

But if I was a giant hunter,

and you were in the woods,

and you took a shit,

would I be able to identify your shit as... You know what I mean?

Yeah, as your specific?

I mean, it'd be pretty hard that it's between logs or bears.

Right.

Oh, I see.

I see.

How tall are you?

I'm six foot seven.

Six, seven.

I see.

I see.

And for people that don't know, i.e. us, gigantism, is it the pituitary gland thing?

Yes.

So you have overgrowth, right?

Yeah, it's a non-malignant pituitary tumor.

Wow.

So it actually produces too much growth hormone.

Thank you. gigantism, is it the pituitary gland thing? Yes.
So you have overgrowth, right? Yeah, it's a non-malignant pituitary tumor. So it actually produces too much growth hormone.
And so what ends up happening is like, obviously when you're little, you start growing way too tall. And then by the time your growth plate actually fuse together, it just starts going into your bones and arteries and like different parts of your body.
So that's what happens a lot of times. We see like some of the giants with like kind of like thicker faces and stuff like that.
A lot of just unstructured things. That's like, uh, like, like, uh, Andre the giant had gigantism.
Right. And then he had to, he was such a big guy.
How do you feel about Andre the giant? I mean, is, is he's a hero? It's pretty inspiring. I think just like, you know, there's like, there's not very many people who are pretty, pretty rare, I guess.
Yeah. Like a very small percentage of people actually have it, and most people don't really know until they're a lot older in their life and stuff.
Do you have a collection of giants that you know? No, I just typically hang out with some pretty tall people. Oh, yeah.
They're mostly down around the 6'2 area, so I'm always the person that has to watch all the board games. So you wouldn't hang out with Bobby? He's Z2 short-to-day? I mean, he might make good elbow rips or something like that.
Yeah, can I be honest with you? You don't seem like, because I've seen a lot of mythological movies. I've seen a lot of fantasy.
Yeah, he's not a centaur. He's a fucking human being.
I know. I'm nervous.
I'm fucking nervous right now. Bobby thought you were going to have scales.
No, so if you didn't say that you had gigantism, I wouldn't be able to tell. So it's like maybe it's cool that you, it's cool that you have it.
It's just if you didn't say it, would people know or? I mean, I am like very tall to some people. Like actually like last year, whenever I was still up around 530 pounds, I actually went to see Brendan Schaub here in Nashville right before.
I actually kind of made the mental switch. So you bought tickets to see Brendan Schaub?ndan schaub uh let's see oh wow wow wow oh you're a big boy obviously you know how tall he is so yeah like i'm already kind of making him a lot smaller so you're wide and then you're wide that was that was when i was still about 530 or those were like 520 pounds because i got really depressed when i found out how heavy it actually was when i finally weighed.
Can I ask you a question real quick, though? Wow. So you actually spent money to see a Brendan Schaub show? Yeah, no, that's pretty good.
Yeah, so are you ****** as well? No, he has gigantism. Oh, yeah, I know.
But for him to spend money. I didn't, those were, did you get a, I love Brendan, by the way.
I don't want him to crush me. It was just a joke.
Brendan, it was just a joke. You're very talented, okay? No, tell Bob.
Those were free tickets. They were on the bottom of a Coke can.
No. No, but that's nice.
No, but you're a big dude up against him, genuinely. But your shoulders look huge in that picture.
You don't look like that now. You probably have a giant camera or something that makes up for that.
Yeah, it doesn't look like it. You're a very handsome guy.
Yeah, good-looking guy. Really good-looking guy.
What kind of women do you date? Nobody really. I'm late, though.
I've just been kind of focused on myself. All right, well, that's it.
Now we've got to get to it... Where do you live again? I'm in Nashville.
Nashville. All right, we've got to get you some ass.
So for the ladies that are listening, look at this gentle beast. You're so handsome to me.
Gentle giant. I can't believe that you're...
How old are you? I'm 29. 29 years old.
30. You live alone, right? You've got your own place.
Yeah, he lives alone. He's got his own place.
He's into, what is he into, Bob?

He's got a lot of hobbies for the girls.

We're pitching him.

He likes to throw stones.

He likes to throw stones or boulders.

Yeah.

That's kind of a morning routine.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

What does he do in the afternoon and the evenings?

What he likes to do is he likes to...

When you go out to eat with someone,

how big are you now?

How much do you weigh?

I am 324 actually right now. God, you don't look like that.
In my mind. People always thought I was like 300 when I was up in the 500.
But that's because you're so tall that it looks like it's – yeah. I guess that's true.
Like it just spreads out. I have another question.
We might have to edit this out. No, leave it in.
Okay. Let me just ask you a question, and I want to be able to ask it in the most appropriate way.
But if – just let me – so if I saw photos of people's genitals and I saw the photos of your genitals in just a pile of genitals. Look, look.
We had a thousand pictures of penises, and yours is in there. Yeah, and would I be able to go, yeah, this one has gigantism? Yeah.
Probably. Yeah.
Is it because it's so thick? I don't know. I mean, I only got my- Got a good hand to judge it, too, so.
Oh, he's got a big hand, so he- Right. For him, it's- It's a murder weapon.
Yeah, it looks like a- Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, your penis looks like a ground- Oh, look at that.
There it is. Yeah, look at that.
That's a mini hand. It's like a grand cinnamon roll tin.
You know what I mean? Like one of the cinnamon roll jars? Like an Arizona sweet tea tin. That's Arizona sweet tea.
That's about a foot and it's all the way... How big around? I guess that's got to be six inches around, seven inches around.
Yeah. Bigger.
Somewhere in there. That's why you're single.
Yeah. Nobody wants to deal with that.
That's insane. You got to have a small one like me and this guy.
If you fucked a dwarf, right? Just let me just. You can pick it up and walk around with it.
But also it would come out of the mouth. Like it's a skewer? Yeah, like a skewer.
Like one of those bores, you boars you know what i mean that you would skew and you could spin it spin it yeah yeah like yeah like vlad the impaler so now you're in nashville you're single if there's any chickadoos here uh that want to get some gigantism in them comment uh below and we'll make you guys we'll hook you guys up if there's any single ladies that are looking for love you know because now you're back down and you. You're in fighting shape now.
Can you do me a favor? Is there any way to stand up and go back so we can see perspective at all? Yeah. I just want to see.
Watch your earphones. Yeah.
See, he doesn't look that big. He doesn't look big at all.
He looks like a bigger guy. There you go.
He's a normal guy. Eat that lamp.
Do something that we can prove that you're... Dude, you're honestly...
It's so weird. He doesn't look like he's a super-sized guy, but he is.
Yeah. All right, we got to get you hooked up.
We have to get you laid. We're going to get you hooked up.
You have any more fantasy questions for him? No, I don't, but... I was going to say, though, actually, part of the journey is I've actually kind of designed this belt so you can actually see, like, up here, like, how worn it is.
I just, like, put, like, the journey to my best self. Oh, cool.
Dude, that's fucking awesome. That's awesome.
I'm going to have to look at every single day just, like, okay. And then I'm actually getting to the point now where I had to actually create, like, a fake little spot there for 426.
That's awesome. It's actually, like, still market because now it's actually so – when I'm having to pull it to get to that point, it's actually bunching up the pants and stuff.
So I actually got to get some new pants now. Dude, that's awesome.
Kind of go slowly and all that. That's so cool.
That's a, that's a cool little journey. You should have that frame, dude, when you're done to show where you came from.
Well, we love you very much. Would you, let me ask the last question before you go.
If, If Andrew and I went to Nashville, would you buy tickets to see us?

Of course.

Yeah.

Within a heartbeat.

So did you see his last show in Nashville?

I did not actually.

When was I in Nashville?

I think you were there like a year and a half ago.

Oh, that was over a year ago now.

Yeah, but did you go?

Oh, he didn't go.

I wasn't doing much comedy back then.

You know what the problem was? It was also sold out every night. So nice try, Bob.
It was also sold out. And I have a gigantism fee on the tickets.
I do. It's like $9 more.
I know it's rude, but they have to make room for this. They have to fucking adjust the ceilings for this guy.
Right, right, right. Well, next time we go, we'll be out there.
We're going to do a tour, hopefully, when all this stuff goes away. And come see us.
Dude, thank you so much.

Appreciate you. No problem.
You're the best, dude. Talk soon.
Bye. Love you guys.
What a great guy. Love you.
Awesome, dude. What a good story, too.
Losing all that weight. I'm fat.
I got fat. You know what I got to at my mom's house? What? 206.
Did you really? Swear to God. You know, it's so funny.
I'm glad you brought that up because when I honestly, when I saw your sister.

Don't. What?

Don't say anything disgusting about my sister.

Because if you're going to do this thing, it's going to be trouble.

Dude, first of all, have you not seen my tone today?

I know.

It feels really positive.

I know.

I like it.

So go ahead.

And I'm very relaxed.

I know.

I dig it.

Okay.

All right.

And I'm trying to, you know. When you saw my sister.
I've turned over a new leaf. Yeah.
Okay. Yeah.
So when I saw your sister, it kind of went, oh, he comes from a normal looking family. Yeah.
No, but it was like a shock to me. When I saw your sister.
I'm handsome, Bob. I'm a non-traditionally handsome guy.
When I saw your sister, I went, is she married? No. Is she seeing anybody? Yes.
Who? Like you know. She has a boyfriend.
Okay. I'm just saying that she was very attractive.
Yeah, she's a good looking kid. And just normal.
Yes. Okay.
But I was shocked by it. Why? You thought I would have beastly people that I live with? I just thought I would see just one orange eyebrow.

You know what I mean?

Like a Muppet.

You know what I mean?

Like an orange eyebrow.

I, I'm Andrew's sister.

Right.

Right?

And I'd be like, oh, that fits.

But instead.

But I saw this gentle, like, you know, pygmy looking.

You know what I mean?

Cute.

We're good looking people. Yeah.
I come from good. I am non-traditionally handsome.
Is she dark like you are? Like, is she like grumpy? Comedy wise? Grumpy. She's grumpy in different ways.
Like, I'm more cynical grumpy. She's more like gets annoyed at things grumpy.
You know what I mean? Let me ask you this question. Careful.
I will. Let me ask you this question.
And be honest.

Yeah.

You're true.

Because I remember years ago, before I met Kalilah, I met many years ago.

This is before Sebastian was anybody.

I met Sebastian's sister.

And she was cute.

So then I said to Sebastian, I go, you think maybe?

Because I was single at the time.

And he goes, no, no, no, never. You know what I I mean so let me ask you this question no no never never you don't even know what I'm going to ask you never no let me ask I would rather cut off my penis and sew it to my own face and live like that for the rest of my life I'd rather be a dickhead than let you eat.
That's fucking rude. In a million years.

That's rude. In a million years.

Dude, I found... Because I know you.

I found the love of my life.

Right. Kalila's the love of my life and I'm going to stay with her forever, alright? She's a poor girl.

But what I'm just saying in a hypothetical situation,

right? No, absolutely not. And I said,

how old is your sister, by the way?

29. 28, 29.

Perfect.

Perfect. No.
Yeah, so let me ask you this, right? I would never. No, and I go, hey, you know, where does she live? Chicago? None of your business.
Okay, so I matched with your girlfriend. My sister.
I mean, your sister. I mean, I matched with your sister, and we're going to go on a date.
What do you think? I'm shutting it down. I'm shutting it down.
You would really do that? Of course I would intercept that. If you were gay and you wanted to see my brother Steve, right? Yeah.
I wouldn't fucking be a roadblock. Totally different when it's guy to guy with guy to girl.
Completely different world. These are totally different.
I could bend it over. I don't give a fuck.
If you wanted to date my brother, of course I would say yes. You would.
It doesn't matter when it's guys.

Why?

That's so fucking... Who cares about guys?

All right, so what do you think

I would do to your sister?

That would be so weird.

Anything is gross to me

that you would do to my sister.

Hanging out would gross me out.

I wouldn't spit on her.

Yes, you would.

You spit when you talk.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

But if you with a guy...

Also, by the way,

if I dated Steve,

I'd be so nice to Steve.

I'd treat him so well.

I'd be so nice to your fucking sister. Maybe.
Yeah. Maybe.
Who got the best gifts for Krimis? Who cleaned house the best? I think I lost. You lost? Yeah.
I got these. Well, let me see.
That's it? By the way, that's my footwear. That's all you got? Those are like $6 Adidas slides.
I got those, and I got, what else did I get? Oh, I got pills. What kind of pills? I got beta blockers.
Oh, you're on medication? You know I am, right? No, I know, but this is new? No, I've been on it. Beta blockers you've been on? And Imlodipine also.
Antidepressant? No. High blood pressure medication.
Well, that I know you're on. Yeah, so I got two bottles of those.
That's congrats. And then what else did I get? I could get that at the pharmacy, though.
Why do you need beta blockers? I'm being genuine. I don't know enough about them.
It's embarrassing to tell you. No, it's not.
Well, I got on beta blockers because of my – I have a – Well, it's not well um i i got on beta blockers because of my um i have a um well it's it went back to it started with the audition i had in front of that director where i walked out i've told you that story i know that story yeah yeah so then i go why does that happen and then i was also on a in a movie once where it was um i had a mon What was the movie? It was called Heartbreakers or something like that. Okay.
Anyway, I had a monologue. They cut it out because it was just one.
Cameras were on me. They said action, and I froze.
I couldn't say anything. You didn't get anything out? No.
It got to the point where it was so embarrassing where the director goes, we're moving on. Oh, we're moving on.
When you hear we're moving on, it's sad. It's not good.
And you go, can I get another take? And they go, we gotta move. Yeah, we're moving.
We're moving on. Sad.
And then I remember the other actors did that whole thing. They tried to smile at me like craft service and stuff.
Hey, you did good out there. No, it's like it happens.
Oh, it happens. Yeah, it happens.
Dude, you must have eaten shit. I did.
That's bad. Right.
So then I just said maybe it's just acting is not my thing. But then sometimes I would kill it.
I think you kill it more than not. I do.
I kill it more than not. But there are times where I would freeze.
So then I – Is it because of who you were with? No. I was with nobodies.
It was a monologue. I mean they're great.
But I mean the cast. Tons of people.
Was anybody in the cast intimidating? No, because it's like when I was in the movie The Dictator and I did it in front of Ed Norton and Ben Kingsley and stuff. I don't know any of these names.
Anyway, I was fine. Right.
But I was on Beta Blockers.

That helps.

So I was talking to Whitney about it.

And she goes, Beta Blockers.

So I did this sitcom, a pilot, in Chicago with Steve Renazizzi and Steve Howey and Zoe Lister-Jones.

Is it Zoe Lister-Jones?

You know Zoe Lister-Jones?

I know the name.

I don't know her as a human. She was on Whitney's show.
I know. I know.
I think she's cool. Are you being real? Yeah, I think she's cool.
I don't know her. But you know who I'm talking about.
Of course. Anyway, when I was there, I didn't have any.
And so, you know, I go because I fell asleep in the audition. What? Yeah.
So this is what happened. So Steve Renazzizzi calls me and goes, we have too many white people in this cast.
I told them to fire – because at that time he had power or whatever. He goes – they said just let one of the white guys go and hire you.
That's a good move. So they go, they're flying into L.A.
Can you go in and audition? And I go, I haven't slept in two days, man. Why I don't know I don't know you're like on a binge or something I don't know I haven't slept in two days right I didn't sleep for two days he's like and I don't I don't I'm not good in auditions he's like you gotta go it was like one of those things you have to go now he's in one of those trailers you know how you go to a lot and there's a trailer right so I walked in there and walked in there and I go, hey, I haven't slept in two days.

It made everyone laugh in the room, right?

People went, ah, ha, ha, right?

I go, can I take a nap real quick, right?

What?

Yeah, it was weird.

And they go, yeah, I guess.

You're right.

So I just kind of sat down and I laid my head on the thing and I fell asleep.

For how long?

For like 20 minutes. And they just sat there? Everyone was laughing.
The showrunners, everyone was laughing. You're taking a nap and you should be trying to get a job.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. So then I got up, right? And I just read it off the page.
And then I got in the car and I got it. This is privilege at its finest.
I know. So then they flew me.
They shooting like two days later so they fly me to Chicago and I got on beta blockers then and I did well. But because your fear so the fear, you think you can't perform without them? I've now performed without them at times, you know what I mean? But when it's like, when it's super stressful I have to be on them.
Stand up or stand up too or no? Never. up, you don't have to have it.
Why do you think it's just with film? I don't know why. Because film is way easier to fuck up and just keep trying it.
You get a million takes. I think it was because of the fact that after Mad TV, I didn't work a lot.
Yeah. And then I put too much pressure on it.
Right. I know that.
So then once I was on the set, it became too, like, pressurized for me. But now I don't run into that problem.
Right. Because I always have beta blockers on the side just to – if I need them, I'll take it.
And it always works. It does, huh? Yeah.
I read this thing today about this weird – I got down this weird path with someone about adrenochrome, adrenaline.

And apparently if you have extreme high levels of it, it causes schizophrenia, right?

Like people have super high levels.

And there was this wackadoo study where these guys said if you took enough vitamin C and niacin, you could reverse schizophrenia.

And I was fascinated by it

and i went down this wormhole and i read all this stuff and it turns out those two guys were schizophrenic and they they didn't cure it didn't cure anything it's not true i was i would i was like this is amazing i was like oh this is not real this is all they were crazy people yeah who just made up take it anyway though what would i take all that stuff

i would take if i started having schizophrenic thoughts i don't know what i'd probably just

leave the business i have an absurd amount of like um adrenaline and testosterone and anxiety

yeah so i get scared of that i'm gonna break sometimes i do crash the my old lady will tell

you i'll be on like a run and i'll be doing a lot of shows i'll be traveling and we're gonna work

and then she knows it's coming she tells me she's like's like, you're going to crash soon because she can tell. I'm like running so hot and heavy.
And I'm not kidding, dude. It's the weirdest feeling.
I'll just go to sleep. Like a light.
I'll just fall asleep. For how long? 16 hours? Hours and hours.
And then I'll wake up and I'll feel super confused for like an hour and weird i did one of those where i passed out and jerry seinfeld saw my dick what yeah how was that so i was at jerry seinfeld saw my dick because you passed out from crash yeah yeah that's not being real so so what is that why is your dick out so i was um i hadn't slept in like a week And then I was in A week is a long fucking time Like I couldn't sleep Jesus And I was at Then we went to Las Vegas To do HBO had a Comedy festival Real Sex What do you mean? The show Real Sex You did Real Sex No Oh They had a comedy festival. You know how they used to go to, not Vail, it was...
Aspen. Aspen.
Yeah. But after Aspen, they tried it in Vegas.
So they hired the Kims of Comedy. The Kims of Comedy, when you did it with...
It was me, Ken Jeong, and Steve Byrne. Right.
And hadn't slept in a week. And I used to take Valium.
Right? Valium's great, by the way. And I went to the spa.
I'm there right now. Every comic told me that I had – you know how you walk into the spa where the lockers are? Yeah.
I just decided to lay there. Right? In the spa.
In the middle of where the lockers are, right? With no clothes. Right.
And I slept there for like 12 hours. That's cool.
On like one of those benches in between the lockers? And then a couple of people told me that they said, Seinfeld walked in, saw me laying there, and he walked the fuck out. Right.
Intimidated. I don't know what it is.
That little Buddha's dick was huge! Yeah, yeah. You just laid there butt naked in the spa oh yeah I used to do that at Burke Williams I used to take Valiums and then just cause they used to have like if you paid like 80 bucks yeah you didn't have to do a massage or anything you could just use their facility yeah yeah go hang out right over there at the Lemley where the Lemley used to be on Sunset Junction I know and I used to fucking take two Valiums and sleep there for like 16 hours.
Why? Because you couldn't get sleep at home? No, I don't know why. I just, I liked the smell of it.
Well, the eucalyptus and all that shit. I like that smell, right? It is good.
And I also like the distant ambient music. Yeah, it's like and the smell.

And I used to

pass out there. And I used to wake up and

you know how sometimes you wake up and you go, where am I?

Yeah, I love that.

Where am I?

I love spas. I miss spas.
We can't go to spas.

The Yorkshire Ripper. Do you see it?

Yeah. You did?

Yeah. On Netflix? Yeah.

Did you really see the whole thing? Yes.

Wow. Did you really see it? I did.
So there's this documentary called The Yorkshire Ripper. What's it called? The Ripper? Ripper.
Are you being real? Yeah. You said river.
Yorkshire River. Ripper.
That's what it is. R-I-P-P-E-R.
Yeah. The Yorkshire Ripper.
Yeah. And did you like it?

Yeah, it was good.

Yeah.

You know what I didn't like?

Huh.

And I'm going to probably get in trouble for saying this. Well, we can't – don't give it away.

Don't say anything that –

What?

Don't say anything that's going to –

I'm not going to give anything away.

Okay.

I'm just going to tell you what drove me crazy about it is here this guy this guy is killing young ladies correct yeah late at night right at night it'd be weird if he's like at like noon yeah that'd be cool if you get away with it at noon the midday murderer oh my god right after lunch yeah and just keep going right and never get caught right that's a clever guy that is yeah it's kind of a pussy doing it Well, because it's easy. You can get away with it at night.
Yeah. Show me a murderer at 10 a.m.
I would probably be able to do two and get caught. At night? Anytime.
If you were a murderer, they'd catch you the same day. Yeah, even before I did it, I think.
Yeah, they're like, Bobby, you're on your way to kill someone. She would turn around.
She would turn around, and I'd be just like, oh, I'm going to prison. But – Yeah, killed a bunch of women.
So the government and the authorities – The feds. Are saying to women, right, do not leave – do not go out at night.
Right. And also if you are, have a male escort.
A companion. A companion, right? And women, they protested that.
Correct. They got on the street, you know, I'm going to go out if I want to.
I fought for my rights. It's fine.
Yep. It's fine.
But I'm just saying that if all of a sudden. But when you're murdered.
If all of a sudden they say great white sharks are eating fat Koreans, we don't know why.

They were for a long time.

I know, but we don't know why, right?

Right.

You're not allowed in the fucking ocean for right now.

I'd be like, okay.

No, what they would say is you have to get in there with a Japanese person.

You have to get in there with someone with more authority.

No, I would just not go in there.

But even if they said you have to go in there with a Japanese person, I would probably do it.

Right, because you want the protection.

My point is that, you know what I mean, just, you know. I understand.
No, you don't. Go ahead.
It drove me crazy. And then one girl goes, I'm going to go out.
Fuck it. And then she got fucking hit in the head by the guy.
Yeah, she got killed. No, she survived.
But she was getting hit in the head over a hammer because she decided to do it on her own. But here's the problem, too.
It's flawed. The logic is flawed that even if you went with a male escort, what if the guy can't defend you anyway? Okay, listen.
The LA City announcement. Women, there's a ripper in LA.
Do not go out at night unless you're with a male companion. And Klyla's like, you have to go out with me.
You're going to be like, no. No? He would kill you too.
No. Because you're killable for sure.
That's so rude. Seriously? I have fucking hidden strength.
You don't think... I have HRS for sure.
You do? Yeah. I have a rage inside me.
Level one or two. Dude, like when we went to Big Bear, okay, we had to put fucking chains on our wheels.
Yeah, chains on your tires, right. Right? Mm-hmm.
Never done that before. Right.
So I put them on wrong. Of course.
Right? So we're driving all over Big Bear. What car, by the way? The Prius? No, we jeep or whatever chains on the prius yeah and so i put it on wrong so it got entangled oh it can fuck up the car in you know i mean in all the you know i mean the the rotor rotor axle and the axle and all that stuff right and you needed a fucking you know i mean a clipper to get it off Yeah.
So we're on the side of the freeway And I'm underneath the car Fucking cars are whizzing by us Because I'm trying to get it off Because we wouldn't be able to move And I'm underneath there Look how dirty this hat I was wearing this hat And I literally just Ripped I ripped metal mean, ripped. I ripped metal, bro.
You ripped metal. Yeah.
I went, ah! Ask her. I went, ah! And I fucking ripped metal, bro.
You got the secret strength. I just had to get out of there.
And you did it. And I did it.
All right, so you would defend a woman at night. God, so rude.
I can rip metal, my friend. I'm a metal ripper, dude.
You got it. I just – listen, everyone's equal, and I honestly do believe that – yes.
I don't think everybody's equal. That's insane.
Everyone isn't – Here we go, guys. Everyone isn't equal.
What I'm saying is everyone should be, but it's not a reality. It's not a reality.
Nobody's treated equal. That's impossible.
I understand that. But if you just put every like 10 random people in one room, everyone's lives, right, are equal.
No. No.
No. What do you mean? Some people in that room's lives aren't going to matter as much.
Okay, here we go. I'm taking my jacket off.
Are you being real? No. Oh, you're not? No.
All right. Because I do say sometimes.
It would go black lives first because they matter, which is what everyone should have learned in 2020. Then it goes white people.
We did get moved down one. Black lives, white lives.
Yeah. Yeah.
Let me ask. Okay.
Brown lives. Yes.
And then Asian lives. Okay.
Whatever you whatever you only because of what happened in 2020 i wouldn't have this opinion if it didn't happen it's insane if if jana didn't give us the virus yeah yellow would be higher but it's just not yeah of course everyone should be treated equally duh no shit but there is not a reality i do argue with my girlfriends right this is what i argue i know but think you're right. I think some people's lives are a little – Because let me just hear me.
You believe that? I don't know if I do. Let me just see if I can – Let's find out.
Yeah, let's find out. So, which would be sad.
But, you know, right now, as I clap my finger – Snap my fingers. Yeah.
Yes, snap my fingers. Shut up.
Snap my fingers, right? Yeah. Right, just right now in Ireland.
Yeah. Little Irish baby.
Okay. A little Irish baby.
A little beautiful little Irish baby. There he is.
McConnell. Little green bow.
Yes. Right? McConnell or Hoolihan.
A little gold. I'm an Irish baby.
Yeah. And it just instantly dies.
I'm dying. Yeah.
Yeah, it dies. And then Bradley Cooper dies.
I'd be so mad. I would be so pissed.
It would be devastating, right? Right. But isn't Bradley Cooper's life a little bit – it affects more people.
Is Bradley Cooper more important than a little Irish baby? Yeah. Yeah, I think so.
I think it's fair to say. I think everybody would agree.
Not really. The Irish baby hasn't accomplished anything yet.
Bradley Cooper, Silver Linings, Playbook, Wedding Crashers. He was in Wedding Crashers? Bradley Cooper? That was...
Bradley Cooper was in Wedding Crashers. He was the boyfriend.
He was Todd. Oh, he was? He was the guy that Rachel McAdams was going to marry.
Oh, I never saw the movie. You never saw Wedding Crashers? No.
Such a good film. Is he in it? Yeah.
Okay. All right.
Bradley Cooper is just... Yeah, I get it.
I get in arguments with Kalilah all the time. I guess, you know...
Do you think your life is more important than my life? Oh, this is heavy. I do.
You think you're more important than me? I think my life is more impactful than your life. In what way? Because.
You've taken away more from the thing you've given. I've done a lot of firsts.
Like what? Like I'm the first Asian American.'s ever been on a sketch show for nine years, eight years on a national television show. But it wasn't that good.
The show wasn't good. It doesn't matter.
I did it. Yeah, no.
You're right. I mean, I'm just more, my life is a little bit more, the value is there.
No. Yeah.
I'm just as valued as you. I bring so much to the table.
I do more for community than you do. Name it.
In what way? The Asian community. In terms of show business, I've done more.
What have you done for the community? In terms of representation. So what? You're there, but you're not giving back to them.
It's what I've done and influenced. Have you given any other Asian jobs? Yes, I have.
What other Asians have you given jobs to? I don't want to get into that right now. Oh, yeah.
See? No, you haven't done that much. It's a little bit more important than yours.
No, it's not. Well, name me why yours more.
You take away more from society than you give back. And I've only given back.
Oh, my God. You have no idea what you're even saying right now.
You have no idea even what you're saying right now. Your life is not more important than mine.
I don't want to brag about what I've done. Okay? Go ahead.
I don't want to. Okay.
Alright? Because it's ugly. Look at this.
Look at me. Look at me.
Yeah. Your life is not worth more than mine.
I didn't say mine was worth more than yours. I simply said your life's not worth more than mine.
My life is worth more than yours a little bit. Not even.
True. It's not.
Let's move on. Let me tell you something.
When you die. Yeah.
When you die. Yeah.
you die yeah soon when you die yeah they're gonna go bobby lee actor comedian dies they'll say actor first no they won't no they'll say comedian let's say comedian they won't even say actor okay you're trying to be mean that's no no no i'm being serious yeah yeah i'm being serious they won't say actor they'll say comedian whatever because comedian encompasses everything because if you google my name it doesn't even say comedian right well that's a good then google knows what it's talking about it does yeah that's unfortunate okay it should say comedian you're a comedian first well you're a comedian my point is are you a better comedian or actor i'm a terrible actor right so comedian like i said it should say bobby lee comedian dies bobby lee comedian dies on an obvious way that we all saw coming. Sad bummer gone.
If I died, it would go this another incredible white from Chicago male white guy from Chicago who does comedy because of who cares about a Korean kid from San Diego. All right.
No one gives a fuck. By the way, Korean from San Diego.
You're not even a real. You're not even an immigrant.
You're not even a fucking immigrant. Angry white guy.
You're born in San Diego? How is that different than any other white guy in comedy? The Asian community. You're barely Asian, by the way.
You're a fucking L.A. kid.
I did a lot. You've done a lot of shit.
Okay. You've done a lot.
You know what the best thing you've ever done is? What? This fucking podcast. That's not true.

By far. After hearing you guys, your New Year's resolution, wanted to be better friends,

we decided to play with you a newlyweds game to see how well you know each other.

Okay.

All right.

What is this?

To put you guys in a good mood.

It's for the bride.

Who else?

Whoever's the bride.

Oh, okay.

Okay. I'm going to ask first Bobby and then Andrew a question about the other person.
Okay. So when I ask Bobby, he'll write his answer and then I'll ask that same question to Andrew and then he can say it out loud and see, contrast the answers to see how well you're saying.
All right. I don't know this game.
Go ahead. Do you know that we found out that just like Hilaria Baldwin, his accent is fake? I bet.
Andres is from fucking Oklahoma. Yeah.
This is all bullshit. Go ahead.
Go ahead. How about this? Say this phrase in a Southern accent.
Say, hey, man, I just moved here from Texas, and boy, am I happy to be in California.

Hey, man, I moved here from Texas, and I'm really happy to be in California.

Okay.

I'll tell you when I hear that again.

Go ahead.

Go ahead.

Start the game.

Start the game.

This is a test.

So, Bobby, if Andrew had superpowers, what would those be?

Superpower.

One superpower.

Yeah, one superpower.

And I don't write anything down?

No.

Okay.

So, Andrew, what do you think Bobby thinks your superpower is?

Go ahead.

I think Bobby would say

my superpower would be

like something with fire.

Something like I was able

to throw fire.

Okay.

What is it?

Bobby?

Fly.

Fly.

I don't...

Why?

I don't know.

I don't...

Okay.

I would want to fly.

Three superpowers.

I breathe underwater. I go fly.
I don't know. Invisible.
Maybe. All right, go ahead.
What's mine for Bobby? Okay. I would want to fly.
Three superpowers. I breathe underwater.

I go fly.

I don't know.

Invisible.

Maybe.

All right, go ahead.

What's mine for Bobby?

Okay.

So now we start for real.

Here we go.

Oh, that wasn't real?

No.

All right.

Okay, I get how it's saying.

I'm going to reuse this paper.

So, Bobby, what is one thing that Andrew has that you would love to get rid of?

Oh, I write it down?

What do I have that he would love to get rid of. What do I write down? What do I have trying to think.

You're trying to guess what I'm going to say.

Yeah.

So what happens?

If he writes it down— And I get it right.

And he gets it right, he gets the point?

Yeah.

Yeah.

So I can just say something that I think that he's not going to guess.

I'm assuming that he's going to try to answer the right question, right?

Right.

Yes.

Right?

So I'm just going to answer something, make something up

that's going to not be on this fucking piece of paper.

Right, but this, I mean, this is like going to therapy.

Who gets the points?

This is like you guys have to be in good faith.

This is to make you guys better friends.

Oh, so this is not a competition of who wins or loses.

No, it's not a competition.

Oh, okay, go ahead then.

Okay, here you go. What is it, Bobby? Pizza.
Okay. What is it? I said ice cream.
Oh, okay. Pizza.
Fuck, I knew it was pizza. You had nine deep dish pizzas.
I know, I know. That's why I'm trying to fucking do this thing right.
I know, I'm trying. I'm sorry.
Okay, go ahead. Ice cream? What the fuck? Do Koreans eat ice cream?

Yes, we're able to.

If you were to draw an emoji that represents Andrew, what would that be?

Okay.

I have to draw an emoji?

Yeah. Okay.

Okay, so what do you think?

I think it's this one that's like...

Like crinkly eyebrows.

Ready?

Yeah.

Okay. i was right

i'm right i'm right okay all right good so i get a point yeah what yeah i get a friendship point that's what andres is trying to bond us all right go ahead andrew yes what's bobby's biggest fear um Bobby's biggest fear um bobby's biggest fear yeah be honest though i you know what my biggest fear is and if you really know me yeah you'll know what my fear is i know but i don't want to say that on this paper yeah your real biggest fear yeah, because now I'm confused.

Bobby's biggest fear...

I don't know.

I thought it was something else, and that

doesn't make sense now. Okay, so I think your

biggest fear is...

I don't fucking know. What is it? Doing a comedy special Oh, that was an honest answer That's what I just told you I was going to do Which one did you write? Nothing I know it is your biggest Why is it your biggest fear? I don't know.
It is. So I'm just, I don't want to analyze it.
Can we do it? Can we talk about it for real? Later. We're doing the game.
Sorry. Go ahead.
God. What if we do a comic special together? No, I don't want to do one with you.
Go ahead. Okay.
Okay. Let's play the game.
Bobby, one thing you guys will never agree on is... One thing? Yeah, that...

Have you ever seen this show?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, yeah.

One thing.

That's a weird question.

One thing we'll never agree on.

Oh.

So much writing. Okay, go.
That time doesn't matter no again whose life is more important it's a callback yeah it was i thought you were mine was i thought we were in sync it couldn't be a callback it just happened we just got over that bit yeah it was just i know that's why i thought it would be fresh in your mind all right all right All right. What is this? What is this? Come on.
Let's go. Yep.

Really failing here.

Bobby is more present today.

Yeah, maybe he is.

Go ahead.

Andres.

More real.

Yeah.

Go ahead. No, more present is funny.

And real.

Go ahead.

You're phony.

How many pairs of shoes does Bobby have?

Oh, that's pretty good.

That's such a hard thing to determine.

How about, do you even know? Yeah What is it? 15 12 That's close Thank you, that's three off Such an innocuous number Alright, what's his? Who usually gets their way? Be honest go ahead you i do yes fuck yes okay good there you go all right what else be honest i know you do know see at least you know i always you always get your way i know i do and it has to be that way go ahead because I'm more important That's why Is that why? Or is it because you're a little fucking brat? No, I'm more important Or it's because you're a brat I'm more important and that's why I get my way Go ahead Andres, shut the fuck up Such a little asshole Our show is almost perfect Except for Our show is almost perfect? except for... Our show is almost perfect?

Yeah.

Except for...

Yeah.

Be honest.

George.

Yes.

Now we're in sync.

Now we're in sync.

Okay, go ahead, Andres.

Go ahead.

Bobby, when is your official Bad Friends anniversary?

Oh, fuck.

That's pretty good.

The exact date?

Well, as close as possible.

So what month is it?

To the month is now?

What month is January now?

Okay. month is now what month is January now okay February April we've been doing this almost a year we have 52 weeks in a year oh fuck this is episode 40 something I don't know it's february what february 15th or something february 15 all right give it give mine if bobby asked you to grab a treat on your way to work what would that be okay yellow american spirit fuck what is that sugar-free red bull oh.
Oh, I almost did that. But it is Yellow American Spirits.

It is. I know.

Fuck.

All right, go him.

How does Andrew like his steak cook?

Medium rare.

Medium rare.

Perfect.

Good boy.

Yeah, yeah.

All right, what else?

What was Bobby's first job? What was Bobby's first job? Yeah. Okay.
Fuck, this is tough because I know some of your first jobs. I don't know what your very first job is.
Can you give me the age just so I get a good age range? 17. Okay.
I worked on a farm. What? I said server in San Diego diego yeah you serve when you were 18 and 19 weren't you i was 20 oh you were what farm did you work on donald yasawachi's farm donald yasawachi's farm yeah that sounds like a tv show let's keep going with the game all right what is it what's next bobby who's andrew's hero oh that's really hard who's Andrew's hero? Oh, that's really hard.

Who's Andrew's hero?

Think comedy.

Yeah.

It's just a basic one.

You can answer it.

It's something that's not true even, but it's easy.

Go ahead.

Who's my hero?

Bill Cosby.

Joe Rogan. Joe Rogan.

No, that's not true.

Jim Carrey.

Jim Carrey is definitely, yeah.

I said Bill Cosby.

He said think comedy.

Go ahead.

So, Andrew.

Yeah.

What's Bobby's favorite TV show?

Oh, easy.

Of all time?

Easy.

I talk about it all the time.

If you don't know this answer, I might have to start a new podcast.

Fine.

At this point.

Honestly, at this point, fine.

Yeah.

You don't even know when it's been a year.

What's Bobby's favorite TV show?

I saw three episodes last night.

Really?

Your viewers know. The viewers know.
If you don't know this we're not friends okay what is it Star Trek The Next Generation Different Strokes you didn't know that I did know it was Star Trek, but... It's my favorite show of all time.
I know. We've talked about it before.
I know everything about it. But see, I think that's so hard.
I don't have a favorite show of all time. I do.
You should know that. Sorry.
Hey. Yeah.
Sorry. All right.
Go ahead. We did talk about it when I talked about Spock and all that stuff I remember.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Go ahead.

If Andrew was a cartoon character, what would he be?

I am.

If I was a cartoon character, which one would I be?

Yeah.

What cartoon character?

Like a famous one?

Yeah, obviously.

Oh.

Okay. okay i'm cheating but i saw how little you wrote yeah so i'm like what that's because obviously i would say archie no what ren from that's good yeah i do love ren yeah you idiot yeah that's true and You're Stimpy? That's good.
I do love Ren. You idiot.
That's true. And you're Stimpy.
It really is. We literally are Ren and Stimpy.
Okay, that's good. That's smart.
What is it? Okay, so what animal would Bobby be if he were an animal? Panda. Undoubtedly.
It's not even a competition. But I already knew that he was a panda.
But you are a panda. Yeah, yeah.
Some people think I'm a koala Wrong Here's why Pandas actually have a little bit of Activity in this Koalas don't do shit Pandas are lazy Koalas don't exist In a fire in In a fire in Austria, they're just... They just burn to death.

Move! Full blown fire!

Get out of the trees!

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And it's like, nah.

Yeah.

All right, what else?

Bobby, if you discover that Andrew was an ex-convict...

Ex-convict?

Yeah.

What would your reaction be?

What would you say?

No, the better question is, what did he go into prison for?

There you go.

That's the question.

Sure.

What would you go to prison for?

Yeah.

This isn't hard either.

Yeah, it's just, you know, I don't know how to write it, but...

So many letters.

Are you writing out, like, detailing the crime?

I don't know. I don't know what else.

I mean... It's manslaughter.
It's got to be aggravated.

Like, I killed somebody.

Mine was more like snapped, you lost your temper, violent...

That's manslaughter. Rage.
I killed somebody. Yeah, okay.
Yeah okay yeah it's the same thing how many did you write down there a bunch okay what else if bobby if someone offered bobby a million dollars would you think he would reveal a dark secret about you wait if someone offered him a million dollars to reveal a dark secret about me would he take the money and do it yeah oh go ahead no you're a good friend but don't well i wrote yes for the comedy but in real life i know you wouldn't no well that's fucked up dude i know you drew the you fucking drew the line comedy. No, no, you didn't.
Do you really believe that? No, here's why. Well, I wanted to be a dick, and here's why.
You know why you wouldn't. Yeah.
Because a million dollars is not a lot of money to you. How much money? Yeah, see? Yeah, see? A million.
How about this? Yeah, I know you wouldn't for a million. Yeah.
That's why I wrote, yes, it's a joke. Yeah.
Ten million. No.
Yeah, you would. No, I wouldn't.
Ten million. Ten million, I wouldn't for a million.
That's why I wrote yes. It's a joke.
10 million. No.
Yeah, you would.

No, I wouldn't.

10 million.

10 million, I wouldn't.

100 million.

50.

50, okay.

50 million.

You would reveal.

Because I know a couple of secrets.

My darkest secret.

Yeah.

And I know a couple of secrets.

No, I probably wouldn't.

I'll tell you why.

I'll tell you why I wouldn't.

Because you what?

Because I'm not a rat. No no you're not a rat yeah no you're not a rat i'm not a rat and um i also want to be in comedy yeah yeah and that would be that would throw me out the end that would be the end for me in comedy all right who's got another you have another question yeah this is the last question, but it's for both of you.
Okay. First, we'll start with Bobby.
Okay. None of the Bad Friends fans know this about Andrew, but he's very good at...
Like a secret talent or something that you know that the fans actually don't know, that I'm actually good at something. I mean, I already said it, though though i think what when it is something that i probably have said i don't remember kissing no i made a joke uh dancing what is it bowling oh yeah we talked about that fans know that.
Yeah, yeah. Is there anything that you think that I'm good at that people don't know? I don't think so.
All right, I'll be a good friend. You know what? Here's something that I think that you are.
I'll be a good friend to you. Go ahead.
People don't know that as much as we joke around on this show and we make fun of each other and we attack each other and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. People don't know that you actually have an extremely sincere heart.
And no, I'm being serious. Okay.
People don't know what you would do for a friend. Are you drawing a penis? Yeah.
People don't know. People don't know.
When I get nervous, I do. I know.
People don't know what you would do for friends. People have no idea.
You understand what I'm saying? Yeah, yeah. People don't know that you would go to certain lengths to do things for friends, for real, when it really matters.
Yeah. They'll never understand that.
Yeah. We've had a few encounters where it's a thing and, you know.
By the way, that's a bad penis. If you're going to draw a penis, you have to draw something, something like a good one do you have any more of these questions Andres? no not for today I think you guys had 12 Ron and 7 Ride all together so I think well you guys are starting the year on better terms we are hey so we had a so look we found out that we're great buds and we love each other very much we're all great heavenly brothers let me say this for real I'm glad to be back with you I'm happy good to see you it's a new year it's a new year new year new Bob new year for you new year for me new year for us look at me stop looking at fucking George I hate him sometimes I know what a good guy he laughs and laughs like he giggles and giggles like the Ripper Bob yeah good to see you too Thanks for being a bad friend Thanks for being a bad friend Thanks for being a bad friend By the way By the way Your life matters as much as mine It's not You're such an.
You matter just as much as I do. A little more,

it's fine.

No,

not a little more.

It's fine.

Not a little more.

You can have your opinion.

And you can have

your stupid opinion.

It's wrong.

I do have my opinion.

And it's wrong.

It's not wrong.

It's wrong.

I believe what I believe.

You're such an asshole.

Yeah.

And the reason

you're so defensive

is because you know

that I'm right.

No,

because I knew

you were going to say that.

You're trying to fight

for something

that you can't win.

Because I knew you were going to say that. You're trying to fight for something that you can't win.
Because I knew you were going to say that.

All right.