Great White Sharks Eat Fat Koreans

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Speaker 1 You two are bad friends.

Speaker 2 Who are these two idiots?

Speaker 2 White beef and an Asian dude.

Speaker 2 You two are disgusting.

Speaker 2 We're bad friends. Happy 2022.
Have we started? Yeah, we can. No, we can start whenever you want.
We can. Happy 2020-21.
2020-21.

Speaker 2 21.

Speaker 2 Honestly, since the new year, I've been a little lost, man. What do you mean? I've just been in a daze, bro.
I just don't know. There's nothing going on.

Speaker 2 Yeah, but I'm oh, did you think everything was going to change?

Speaker 2 No, I didn't think it was. Yeah, I was just going to say nothing's going on.
Everyone's doing that thing where they thought 2021 was going to be a remarkable difference. It's the same shit.

Speaker 2 We're still in 2020. Same.
Yeah. Yeah.
We're in 2020. Yeah, nothing changed.
This is

Speaker 2 August of 2020. Yeah, I thought something would change even within myself.
You didn't have any

Speaker 2 moments of reflection and change?

Speaker 2 Well, the one thing that's changed is that i've been pressing in the button

Speaker 2 of my you know so when i when i'm in war zone no i'm being real i know when i i don't know for some reason i'm pressing in the button with my thumb because i and when i when i'm trying to shoot i press in with my button and i do a swing like a punch yeah so it's like when people are shooting me right instead of shooting i've been doing a punch right and so people have been watching me die that way oh because then they kill then they shoot you and kill you

Speaker 2 Yeah, yeah so

Speaker 2 sometimes it looks like I'm dancing. So my brother goes the other night and goes, why are you dancing, bro? Showing off your moves?

Speaker 2 And I was dancing like this, and then I died. Yeah, yeah.
So

Speaker 2 that's happened. You feel like you're

Speaker 2 lost. I watched

Speaker 2 some good movies. I saw the call on Netflix.
You see that Korean movie? No. Oh, you'd love it, bro.
The Call? Yeah. And then I saw that movie Run on Hulu.
Did you see that one? No. Oh, bro.

Speaker 2 The run was so good. What is The run? The run is that, I forgot the actress's name.
She's very good, though. And it's like she has a daughter and his daughter.
Her daughter is

Speaker 2 in a wheelchair. She's got problems.
You know what I mean? Oh, no.

Speaker 2 No, no, don't do that. What happened? Well, I don't want to give away.
Don't give it away because they always give it away when we get it that way. But what I realized,

Speaker 2 what I realized is that the actress. In the wheelchair? In the wheelchair is an actual handicapped person.
And that's nice. And you know what? Now they're casting it that way.
So it's like,

Speaker 2 now you know how Daniel Day-Lewis was in my left foot and he played the.

Speaker 2 What is it?

Speaker 2 You know. A pianist? What is that? No, you played the.
My keyboard? No, no, no. He played the

Speaker 2 twisted guy, the Pretzel. Oh.

Speaker 2 I didn't know.

Speaker 2 Pretzelman? Pretzelman. Yeah, that was his character's name.
Pretzelman. He played the.
And now, if they're going to make that movie, they have to cast a real guy.

Speaker 2 This is the never-ending debate. Why?

Speaker 2 What do you mean? What if they can't find someone good enough

Speaker 2 that does the thing? If there's three guys, and

Speaker 2 they're just going to pick the best of the three people.

Speaker 2 But

Speaker 2 how about this?

Speaker 2 Can someone who's not gay play a gay role? Or never again?

Speaker 2 Well, I don't think so anymore. But then

Speaker 2 can someone who is gay play not gay?

Speaker 2 Oh, that's interesting. But yeah.
No. Right.
Refuse. Well, then if that's

Speaker 2 right. Right.
You're taking roles away from straight white males.

Speaker 2 Yeah. Powerful cis.
But also, but also it's. You know what I mean, though.
Yeah. But now it's like, hey, I want to, can I audition for that movie? It's Chinese.
So why can't you?

Speaker 2 So then I can't do it. See, that's bullshit.
But I go, look at my eyes. Yeah, you look Chinese.

Speaker 2 Oh, come on. Everyone I talk to, when I said, when they go to your podcast with that Chinese guy.

Speaker 2 All right. I never correct him.
I know. I go my Chinese body, Bob Lee.
But I can't even get into Ching Chong shit. You know what I mean?

Speaker 2 No, you could, but I think some you've burned a couple of Asian bridges. No, no, no.
What are they called over there? Are bridges called something different in Asia?

Speaker 2 Over water road? Bridgeto. Bridgeto.
Bridgeto. Brujo.
Yeah, I don't know, man.

Speaker 2 But it's so, it's so, but like, um,

Speaker 2 yes, it's the lady. Like, that's why, like, Gary Oldman can't be in tiptoes.

Speaker 2 You know, tiptoes? No.

Speaker 2 What is tiptoes come on man what's tiptoes look up tiptoes

Speaker 2 george have you seen this

Speaker 2 he can't do this role anymore no

Speaker 2 okay push pause for a second wait a minute what's that girl's name is that is that um the british girl what's her name name? The British girl. Who's that actress? Isn't she a...
Isn't she...

Speaker 2 She looks like...

Speaker 2 I thought it was like Gwyneth Patrol's mom. Who is that girl? She looks.

Speaker 2 I hate that scene because it's like, who

Speaker 2 walks into a fucking house full of small people? Yeah. And makes a face.
And goes, oh, yeah, yeah. Like, you and I would pretend, like, inside ourselves, like, holy fuck.
Yeah, you're crumbling.

Speaker 2 Yeah, yeah. What are we in? The fucking Wizard of Oz.
But outside of it, you're not.

Speaker 2 You'd used to be like,

Speaker 2 everything was normal. Yeah, you have to go to everything.
That's like...

Speaker 2 You do that now. When you see someone with a thing and you can't, you're not allowed to do anything about it.
You don't make a fucking sitcom face.

Speaker 2 You know what I mean? Yeah, and get angry or like or disgusted. I want to watch tiptoes.
Keep going. We're late.
Push the hot. You couldn't prepare us.
Hey, Mom, by the way.

Speaker 2 You couldn't prepare us for this, by the way. We're coming in here.
There are a bunch of dwarves in here. By the way, you would have to say that.

Speaker 2 If I, if you. Yeah, why? Yeah, it.
That's it. Why wouldn't they? She would have said something.
They would have already said it. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Hey, by the way, my whole family is LPs.

Speaker 2 Yeah, just FYI. There's a bunch of small people here.
Don't make a face. But you're not going to say that right before you walk in.
You say that way long time ago. In the car ride.

Speaker 2 When you first said...

Speaker 2 In the car ride. You're coming to meet my parents.
I'm picking your parents up. I'm picking my parents up.
Okay. That's it's Kalila's fucking Kalila's fucking family.

Speaker 2 By the way, a bunch of little Filipinos would that'd be that I would then I would go oh I wouldn't make a family I would go don't laugh. Yeah, yeah.
But I would.

Speaker 2 But I would go.

Speaker 2 If I picked you up, I'd be like,

Speaker 2 we can't go in there. No, we can't.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because you're going to laugh.
Why?

Speaker 2 They're dwarves, and you're going to be like, I don't know. I'm not laughing dwarves.
They're Filipino dwarves. And you're going to go, okay, I'm going to lose it.

Speaker 2 Dude, that's not that girl. Who's that girl on the left? I don't give a fuck who that lady is.
I know, but I'm stuck on her face now.

Speaker 2 I'm stuck on her face. Tiptoes.

Speaker 2 Cast. Tiptoes.
Peter Dinkledge, Gary Oldman. Yeah, Kate Beckensdale, the British woman.
That's who I thought that was. That's Kate Beckinsdale.

Speaker 2 Oh, you mean, I thought the girl to the right you were talking about. No.
Oh, that girl. Oh, I like her.
Yeah, she's great. But I knew.
She's like the underworld. She's underworld.
Oh, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 She's looked like that since she was that age. Yeah, yeah.
You've seen what she looks like now? Underworld. Look at this.
This is what? 2003? Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 Can we finish the trailer before you go back? Please, please, let's finish it. Sorry.
I didn't know you wanted it.

Speaker 2 That big of a deal if I can't do it for?

Speaker 2 Okay, stop for a second. Push pause, all right? She said, would it be that big of a deal? But what a gamble.
You know what I mean?

Speaker 2 Because it's like, you know, Matthew McConney is like one of the most handsome guys. Yeah.

Speaker 2 So it's like, either, you know, I'm having a baby, you know, there's midgets in his, you know,

Speaker 2 bloodline. Bloodline.
Yeah. But he's so handsome.
He could go 50-50. But you could get a handsome midget.

Speaker 2 Oh, that's true. You could get a very handsome midget.
So there's three things that could happen. Who's the most handsome midget? Ugly midget.
Yeah. A handsome midget or a really handsome

Speaker 2 regular.

Speaker 2 Well, what if you this would be funny if he got an ugly regular? A full-size, hideous.

Speaker 2 That would be good. Kate Beckensdale and him have like the ugliest man on earth.
Like, yeah. Who's a regular-size guy? He's like Steve Bushimi that was in a fire.

Speaker 2 Yeah, where like the tooth comes out of the skin, you know? Yeah, yeah. Like it's got one of these balcony teeth.
Yeah. Yeah.
It could be this. This could be, this could have gone the other way.

Speaker 2 Is that Jeff Foxworthy?

Speaker 2 There's Pete.

Speaker 2 Oh.

Speaker 2 There's a little people couple that lives in my neighborhood, and I see them at the bar. I used to see them when we would, when life was open.
Yeah. And

Speaker 2 they can drink.

Speaker 2 You think that you're like, little person,

Speaker 2 their livers have to be also tiny. Yeah.
You know? No.

Speaker 2 They can drink. Drink, drink.
Yeah, but

Speaker 2 where do they put it all? I know. I'm just saying, though, that, like,

Speaker 2 they might still have little livers. They have little livers.
They might die earlier. They do.
Yeah, they might die earlier. Because of the drinking.
Yeah. Oh.
Yeah. Well, rest in peace.

Speaker 2 I don't know if I'll see those guys ever again.

Speaker 2 Does anybody believe Matthew McConaughey? Look, they got one.

Speaker 2 So their baby is an LP. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Wow, I know. It's incredible.
The cast. Like, this is stacked.
It's stacked.

Speaker 2 Why would they do this? I don't know. Why would they do that movie? The script can't be good.
No, the first thing you read, you'd be like,

Speaker 2 it's offensive. This is crazy.

Speaker 2 Yeah. It's just straight up offensive.
But 2003,

Speaker 2 that's long enough ago where, yeah, dude.

Speaker 2 It's one of those situations where his agent, Gary Oldman's agent, said,

Speaker 2 listen, man, you could win Oscar. Right.
He's like, really?

Speaker 2 Yeah. If you can pull this off.
And then once they attached him, it was over. All you have to do is like, yeah, forget the script.
Gary Oldman's playing the guy. Yeah, you could get an idea out of it.

Speaker 2 And then like everyone was like, I'll do it. That's why.
That's how they played. You have one name.
Yeah. You sync one name.
Yeah. And then everyone else was like, okay.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 It's not like they got Kate Beckensale first. No.
They got Keith. People are like, well, I know, but who's playing the little one?

Speaker 2 Was Dinklich

Speaker 2 famous by then? Not really, right? No. I can't find tiptoes.
I can find... It's like that movie.

Speaker 2 i think what happened is somebody

Speaker 2 it's one of those situations where you know how um robert denier apparently i heard that he bought the rights to frankenstein yeah so no one else would uh yes yeah i think a lot of big stars they just buy it they find like a movie that's so embarrassing and they figure out how to how to just get a hold of it yeah yeah like who do you think bought that gary he doesn't have the money who doesn't Matthew McConaughey, so rich.

Speaker 2 Maybe. He could have bought it and been like, you're not going to show that.

Speaker 2 Not when my book's coming out. Yeah.

Speaker 3 Hey, guys. Talking about little people, I think you guys have a call with the giant from New Year's.
Oh, yeah.

Speaker 2 This is great. What?

Speaker 2 Remember the guy with Gigantism? Yeah. From New Year's? Yeah.

Speaker 2 We're going to get him on the phone. I have so many questions.
I have one.

Speaker 2 I have one.

Speaker 2 Okay. I'm nervous.
Don't be nervous. Oh, this shit just disappeared.
I'm nervous.

Speaker 2 Hello. Hello.
Hey, there. Hello.

Speaker 2 I don't know. What's up, guys? Bob, look at that.
He's got to be able to see you right there. Just say hi.
Move over so he can see you right there. No, right there.
Right here. Look.

Speaker 2 Yeah, there you go. Yeah, there you go.
What's up, Uncle Peter? What's up, dog?

Speaker 4 What's up, buddy?

Speaker 2 Hey, so

Speaker 2 say your name, fill in the blanks.

Speaker 2 Give us your story.

Speaker 4 I'm Alex. I'm from Nashville.
I'm 29.

Speaker 4 I'm also a giant, quite literally, gigantism or Actor Omegle, as it's called,

Speaker 4 and lost about 206 pounds as of today.

Speaker 2 You know, when you said that, when you said that. It blew me away.
It blew us away. And congratulations.
You lost me. I'm 200 pounds.
You lost me. You lost a whole new.

Speaker 2 Let me ask you something.

Speaker 2 I've never met a giant before.

Speaker 2 And I didn't even know what you were coming on today. So I'm just coming up with these questions.
But if I was a giant hunter,

Speaker 2 Yeah, okay, yeah, and you were in the woods and you took a shit Would I be able to identify your shit as, you know what I mean?

Speaker 2 Yeah, as your specific with gigantism.

Speaker 4 I mean, it'd be pretty hard to distinguish between logs or bears.

Speaker 2 Oh, right.

Speaker 2 Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 How tall are you?

Speaker 4 I'm six foot seven.

Speaker 2 Six, seven.

Speaker 2 And for people that don't know, i.e. us,

Speaker 2 gigantism, it's a pit, is it the pituitary gland thing? Yeah. So you have the overgrowth, right?

Speaker 4 Yeah, it's a non-malignant pituitary tumor. So it actually produces too much growth hormone.
And so what ends up happening is like obviously when you're little, you start growing way too tall.

Speaker 4 And then by the time your growth plates actually squeeze together, it just starts going into your bones and arteries and like different parts of your body.

Speaker 4 So what happens a lot of times we see like some of the giants with like kind of like thicker

Speaker 2 faces and stuff like that.

Speaker 4 A lot of just unstructured things.

Speaker 2 That's like

Speaker 2 Andre the Giant had gigantism, right? And then he had he was such a big guy.

Speaker 2 How do you feel about Andre the Giant? I mean, is he

Speaker 2 a hero?

Speaker 4 It's pretty inspiring, I think. Just like, you know, there's like, there's not very many people who are pretty, pretty rare, I guess.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 4 Like a very small percentage of people actually have it, and most people don't really know until they're like a lot older in their life and stuff.

Speaker 2 What, how many, do you, is there like a, do you guys, do you have a collection of giants that you know?

Speaker 2 No, uh, just typically hang out with some pretty tall people. But

Speaker 4 they're mostly down around like the six two area. So I'm always the person that has to watch all the giants.

Speaker 2 So you wouldn't, you wouldn't hang out with Bobby? He's he too short.

Speaker 4 I mean, you might make a good uh elbow rip something like that

Speaker 2 yeah can i be honest with you you you don't seem like because i've seen a lot of mythological movies

Speaker 2 i've seen a lot of fantasy yeah he's not a he's not a centaur yeah yeah

Speaker 2 he's a fucking human being

Speaker 2 i know i'm just

Speaker 2 nervous i'm fucking nervous right now all right bobby thought you were gonna have scales no no no no and no so um i i have to if if you didn't say that you had gigantism I wouldn't be able to tell.

Speaker 2 Right.

Speaker 2 So it's like, maybe, you know, it's cool that you have it. It's just,

Speaker 2 if you didn't say it, would people know? Or?

Speaker 4 I mean, I am like very tall to some people. Like actually, like last year, whenever I was still up around 530 pounds, I actually went to see Brendan Schaub here in Nashville right before.

Speaker 4 I actually kind of made the mental switch to actually talk about it.

Speaker 2 So you bought tickets. Wait.
You bought tickets to see Brendan Schaub?

Speaker 2 Let's see. Oh, wow.
Wow. Wow.

Speaker 4 So you're like big boy, so you know how tall he is.

Speaker 4 So, yeah, like I'm already kind of making him a lot smaller, so you're wise, and then you're why that was that was when I was still about 530 or those are like 520 pounds because I got really depressed when I found out how heavy I actually was when I finally weighed.

Speaker 2 Could I ask you a question real quick, though? So, you actually spent money to see a Brendan Schaub show?

Speaker 4 Yeah, no, that was pretty good.

Speaker 2 Yeah, so are you

Speaker 2 as well?

Speaker 2 So, he has gigantic.

Speaker 2 Did you get it? Hold on, Brendan, by the way. I don't want him to crush me.

Speaker 2 It was just a joke. Brendan, it was just a joke.

Speaker 2 You're very talented, okay? No,

Speaker 2 tell Bob.

Speaker 2 Those were free tickets.

Speaker 2 They were on the bottom of a Coke can.

Speaker 2 No.

Speaker 2 No,

Speaker 2 but that's nice that he was. No, but you're a big dude up against him, genuinely.

Speaker 2 But

Speaker 2 your shoulders look huge in that picture. You don't look like that now.
You probably have a giant camera or something that fucking some that makes up for that.

Speaker 2 yeah yeah it doesn't look like you also seem very you're a very handsome guy yeah good-looking guy really good looking guy well what kind of women do you date what kind of women do you date uh nobody really of late so just been kind of focused on myself and all right well that's it now we got to get where do you live where do you live again i'm in i'm in nashville nashville all right we got to get you some ass so for the ladies that are listening look at this look at this gentle beast you're so handsome to me gentle giant can't believe that you're yeah how old how old are you i'm i'm 29 29 years old 30 he You live alone, right?

Speaker 2 You got your own place.

Speaker 2 Yeah, he lives alone. He's got his own place.

Speaker 2 What is he into, Bob? He's got a lot of hobbies for the girls. We're both.
He likes to throw stones. He likes to throw stones or boulders.

Speaker 2 That's kind of a morning routine. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
What does he do in the afternoon and the evenings? What he likes to do is he likes to.

Speaker 2 When you go out to eat with someone,

Speaker 2 how big are you now? How much do you weigh?

Speaker 4 I am 324, actually, right now.

Speaker 2 God, you don't look that much. You don't look like that.

Speaker 2 In my mind.

Speaker 4 People always thought I was like 300 when I was up in the 500.

Speaker 2 But that's because you're so tall that it looks like it's... Yeah, I guess that's true.
Like it just spreads out.

Speaker 2 I have another question. We might have to edit this out.
No, I'll leave it in. Okay.

Speaker 2 Let me just ask you a question, and I want to be able to ask it in the most appropriate way.

Speaker 2 So if I...

Speaker 2 Saw photos of people's genitals

Speaker 2 and I saw the photos of your genitals in just a pile of genitals. Look,

Speaker 2 we had a thousand pictures of penises and yours is in there. Yeah, would I be able to go, yeah, this one has gigantism? Yeah.

Speaker 4 Probably.

Speaker 2 Yeah. Is it because it's so thick?

Speaker 4 I don't know.

Speaker 2 I mean,

Speaker 4 got a good hand to judge it, too.

Speaker 2 Oh, he's got a big hand. So he, right.
For him, it's so, so it's a murder weapon.

Speaker 2 Yeah, it looks like a

Speaker 2 like your penis looks like a ground. Oh, look at that.
There it is. Yeah, look at that.
That's a

Speaker 4 meaty hand.

Speaker 2 So it's big around. It's like a grand cinnamon roll tin.
You know what I mean? Like one of the cinnamon roll jars?

Speaker 4 Like an Arizona sweet tea tin.

Speaker 2 Ah.

Speaker 2 That's Arizona sweet tea. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
That's about a foot, and it's all the way. It's how big around? I guess that's got to be six inches around, seven inches around.
Yeah. Bigger.

Speaker 4 Somewhere in there.

Speaker 2 That's why you're single. Yeah.
Nobody wants to deal with that. That's insane.
You got to have a small one like me and this guy. If you fucked a dwarf, right? Just let me just.

Speaker 2 Pick it up and walk around with it. But also, it would come out of the mouth.

Speaker 2 Like it's a skewer? Yeah, like a skewer. Like one of those boars, you know what I mean? That you would skew it and you would spin it.
Spin it, yeah. Like, yeah, like Vlad the Impaler.

Speaker 2 So now you're in Nashville. You're single.

Speaker 2 If there's any chickadoos here that want to get some gigantism in them, comment below and we'll make you guys, we'll hook you guys up if there's any single ladies that are looking for love.

Speaker 2 You know, because now you're back down and you're in fighting shape now. Can you do me a favor? Can you, is there, is there any way to stand up and go back so we can can see like perspective at all?

Speaker 2 Yeah. I just want to see.
Watch your earphones. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 See, he doesn't look that big. He doesn't look big.
He looks like a bigger guy. There you go.
He's a normal guy. Eat that lamp.
Do something that we can prove that you're.

Speaker 2 Dude, you're honestly, it's so weird. He doesn't look like he's a super sized guy, but he is.
Yeah. All right, we got to get you hooked up.
We have to get hooked up.

Speaker 2 You have any more fantasy questions for him? No, I don't.

Speaker 4 I was going to say, though, actually, part of the journey is I've actually kind of designed this belt so you can actually see, like, up here, like how worn it is.

Speaker 4 I just like to like the journey to my best self.

Speaker 2 Oh, cool. Dude, that's

Speaker 2 not

Speaker 4 every single day. Just like, okay.
And then I'm actually getting to the point now where I had to actually create like a fake little spot there for $426.

Speaker 2 That's awesome.

Speaker 4 It's actually still marketing because now it's actually so when I'm having to pull it to get to that point, it's actually a bunch of pants and stuff. So I actually got to get some new pants now.

Speaker 2 Dude, that's awesome.

Speaker 4 Kind of go slowly and all that.

Speaker 2 So that's so cool. That's a that's a cool little journey.
You should have that frame, dude, when you're done, just to show where you came from. Well, we love you very much.

Speaker 2 Would you, let me ask you a little last question before you go. If Andrew and I went to Nashville, would you buy tickets to see us?

Speaker 4 Of course. Yeah.
Within a heartbeat.

Speaker 2 So, so. Did you see his last show in Nashville? I did not actually.
When was I in Nashville?

Speaker 4 I think you were there like.

Speaker 2 Oh, at Zaney's?

Speaker 2 Oh, that was over a year ago now. Yeah, but did you go? Oh, he didn't go.

Speaker 4 No, no, no, I wasn't doing much comedy back then.

Speaker 2 You know what the problem was? It was also sold out every night. So, nice try, Bob.
It was also sold out. And I have a gigantism fee on the tickets.
I do,

Speaker 2 yeah. It's like nine dollars more.
I know it's rude, but it's

Speaker 2 they have to make room for that to fucking adjust the ceilings for this guy.

Speaker 2 Well, next time we go, we'll be out there. We're going to do a tour, hopefully, when all this stuff goes away.
And come see us, dude. Thank you so much.
Appreciate you.

Speaker 2 You're the best, dude. Talk soon.
Bye.

Speaker 2 Love you guys. What a great great.
Love you. Awesome, dude.
What a good story, too. Losing all that weight.

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Speaker 2 Rules and restrictions apply. I'm fat.
I got fat. You know what I got to at my mom's house? What? 206.

Speaker 2 Did you you really? Swear to God. You know, it's so funny.
I'm glad you brought that up because

Speaker 2 when I honestly, when I saw your sister, don't

Speaker 2 say anything disgusting about my sister. Because if you're going to do this thing, it's going to be trouble.
Dude, first of all, have you not seen my tone today? I know. It feels really positive.

Speaker 2 I know, I like it. So go ahead.
And I'm very, I'm very relaxed. I know, I dig it.
Okay. All right.
And I'm trying to, you know, when you saw my sister, I've turned over a new leaf. Yeah.
Okay. Yeah.

Speaker 2 So when I saw your sister, it kind of went, oh,

Speaker 2 he comes from a normal-looking family.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 No, but it was like a shock to me. When I saw your sister.
I'm handsome, Bob. I'm a non-traditionally handsome guy.
When I saw your sister, I went, is she married? No.

Speaker 2 Is she seeing anybody? Yes. Who?

Speaker 2 Like, you know, she has a boyfriend. Okay.
I'm just saying that she was very attractive. Yeah, she's good looking.
She's just normal, like normal. Yes.
Okay. Yeah.

Speaker 2 But I was was shocked by it. What? You thought I would have beastly people that I live with? I just thought I would see like just one like one eye orange eyebrow.
You know what I mean? Like a Muppet.

Speaker 2 You know what I mean? Like an orange eyebrow. I,

Speaker 2 I'm Andrew's sister. Right.
Right. And I'd be like, oh, that fits.

Speaker 2 But instead. But I saw this gentle, like, you know, pygmy looking, you know what I mean? Cute.
We're good-looking people. Yeah.
I come from, I am non-traditionally handsome.

Speaker 2 Is she dark like you are? Like, is she like comedywise? comedy-wise? She's grumpy.

Speaker 2 She's grumpy in different ways.

Speaker 2 Like, I'm more cynical, grumpy. She's more like, gets annoyed at things grumpy.

Speaker 2 You know what I mean? Let me ask you this question. Careful.
I will. Let me ask you this question.
And be honest. Yeah.

Speaker 2 You're true. Because I remember years ago, before I met Kalila,

Speaker 2 I met many years ago. This is before Sebastian was anybody.
I met Sebastian's sister and she was cute. So then I said to Sebastian, I go, you think maybe? Because I was single at the time.

Speaker 2 And he goes, no, no, no, never. Yeah.
You know what I mean? So let me ask you this question. No, no, never.

Speaker 2 Never. You don't even know what I'm going to ask you.
Never.

Speaker 2 No. Let me ask.
I would rather

Speaker 2 cut off my penis and sew it to my own face and live like that for the rest of my life. I'd rather be a dickhead.
Why? Than let you date. Then let you eat.
It's fucking rude. In a million years.

Speaker 2 It's rude. In a million years.

Speaker 2 Dude, I found.

Speaker 2 I found the love of my life. Right.

Speaker 2 Kalilo's the love of my life and I'm going to stay with her forever. All right.
Poor girl. But what I'm just saying, you're a hypothetical situation, right? No, absolutely not.

Speaker 2 And I said, how old is your sister, by the way? 29, 28, 29. Perfect.

Speaker 2 Perfect. No.
Yeah. So let me ask you this, right? I would never.
No. And I go, hey, you know, it's where does she live? Chicago? None of your business.
Okay, so

Speaker 2 I matched with your girlfriend because, you know, my sister. I mean, your sister.
I mean, I matched with your sister, and I'm going to, we're going to go on a date. What do you think?

Speaker 2 I'm shutting it down. I'm shutting it down.
You wouldn't really do that? Of course I would intercept you. If you were gay, and you wanted to see my brother Steven.

Speaker 2 Right? Yeah. I wouldn't fucking be a roadblock.
Totally different when it's guy to guy with guy to girl. Completely different world.
These are totally different. Bend it over.
I don't give a fuck.

Speaker 2 If you wanted to date

Speaker 2 my brother. Of course I would say yes.
You would. It doesn't matter when it's guys.
Guys are so fucking... Who cares about guys? All right, so what do you think I would do to your sister?

Speaker 2 That would be so weird. Anything is gross to me that you would do to my sister.
Hanging out would gross me out. I wouldn't spit on her.
Yes, you would.

Speaker 2 You spit when you talk. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
But if you with a guy, also, by the way, if I dated Steve, I'd be so nice to Steve. I'd treat him so well.
You'd be nice to your fucking sister. Maybe.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 Maybe. Who got the best gifts for Krimas? Who cleaned house the best? I think I lost.
You lost? Yeah, I got these. Well, let me see.

Speaker 2 That's it?

Speaker 2 By the way, that's my footwear. That's all you got? Those are like $6 Adidas slides.

Speaker 2 I got those, and I got, um, what else did I get? Oh, I got pills.

Speaker 2 What kind of pills? I got, um, beta blockers. Oh, you're on medication? You know who I am, right? No, I know, but this is new? No, I've been on it.
Beta blockers you've been on?

Speaker 2 And I'm loaded, I'm, I'm loadipine also. Antidepressant.
No.

Speaker 2 Um, heart, um, high blood pressure medication. Well, that I know you're on.
Yeah, so I got two bottles of those. That's congrats.
And then what else did I get?

Speaker 2 I could get that at the pharmacy, though. Why do you need beta blockers?

Speaker 2 I'm being genuine. I don't know enough about them.

Speaker 2 It's embarrassing to tell you. No, it's not.

Speaker 2 Well,

Speaker 2 I got on beta blockers because of my, I have a,

Speaker 2 well, it went back to, it started with the audition I had in front of that director where I walked out. I've told you that story.
I know that story, yeah.

Speaker 2 So then I go, why does that happen? And then I was also

Speaker 2 in a movie once where it was, um, I had a monologue.

Speaker 2 What was the movie? It was called Heartbreakers or something like that. Wow, okay.
Anyway, I had a monologue. They cut it out because it's like, you know, it was just one

Speaker 2 cameras were on me. They said action.

Speaker 2 And I froze. I couldn't say anything.
You didn't get anything out? No. It got to the point where it was so embarrassing where the director goes,

Speaker 2 we're moving on. Oh, we're moving on.

Speaker 2 When you hear we're moving on, it's sad. It's not good.
And you go, Can I get another take? And they go, We got to move. Yeah, we're moving.
We're moving on. Sad.

Speaker 2 And then I remember the other actors did that whole thing. Like,

Speaker 2 they try to smile at me like crowd service and stuff. Hey, you did good out there.
No, it's like, it happens. Oh, it happens.
Yeah, it happens. Dude, you must have eaten shit.
I did. That's bad.

Speaker 2 Right. So then I just said, maybe just acting's not my thing.
And, um, but then sometimes I would kill it. I think you kill it more than not.
I do.

Speaker 2 I kill it more than not, but there are times where I would freeze. So then I.

Speaker 2 Is it because of who you were with? No, I was with nobody. Was a model.
They're great people. But I mean, the cast people.
Was anybody in the castle?

Speaker 2 No, they weren't like, no, because it's like when I was in the movie The Dictator, and I did it in front of Ed Norton and Ben Kingsley and stuff. I don't know any of these names.
Anyway,

Speaker 2 I was fine. Right.
But I was on beta blockers. That helps.
So what happened? So I was talking to Whitney about it.

Speaker 2 And she goes, beta blockers. So I did this sitcom, a pilot in Chicago with Steve Renazizzi and Steve Howie and Zoe Lister Jones.
Is this Zoe Lister Jones? You know Zoe Lister Jones? I know the name.

Speaker 2 I don't know her as a name. She was on Whitney's show.
I know I know Life and Peter. I think she's cool.
Are you being real? Yeah, I think she's cool. I don't know her.

Speaker 2 But you know who I'm talking about. Of course.

Speaker 2 Anyway, when I was there, I didn't have any. And so, you know, I go

Speaker 2 because I fell asleep in the audition.

Speaker 2 What? Yeah, yeah, so this is what happened. So Steve Renizizzi calls me and goes, we have too many white people in this cast.
I told them to fire, not because at that time he had power or whatever.

Speaker 2 He goes, they said, just let one of the white guys go and hire you. It's a good, that's a good move.
So they go, they're flying into L.A.

Speaker 2 Can you go in and audition? And I go, I haven't slept in two days, man. Why, Bob? I think, I don't know.
I don't know. You're like on a binge or something? I don't know.
I hadn't slept in two days.

Speaker 2 So I didn't didn't sleep for two days he's like and I I don't I don't I'm not good in auditions he's like you got to go it was like one of those things where you have to go now it was in one of those trailers you know how you go to a lot and there's this trailer right yep so um I walked in there and I go hey I haven't slept in two days it made everyone laugh in the room right yeah people went ah right I go can I take a nap real quick right

Speaker 2 what yeah it was weird and they go yeah I guess you're right so I just kind of sat down and I laid my head on the thing and I fell asleep. For how long? For like 20 minutes.
And they just sat there?

Speaker 2 Everyone was laughing.

Speaker 2 The showrunners, everyone was laughing. You're taking a nap.

Speaker 2 You should be trying to get a job. Yeah, yeah.
So then I got up, right? And I just read it off the page. And then I got in the car and I got it.
This is privilege out of its final. I know.

Speaker 2 So then they flew me.

Speaker 2 They were shooting like two days later. So they fly me to Chicago and I got on beta blockers then and I did well.
But because your fear, so the fear, you think you can't perform without them?

Speaker 2 I've now performed without them at times, you know what I mean? But when it's like when it's super stressful, I have to be on them. Stand-up or stand-up two? I don't know.

Speaker 2 Stand-up, you don't have to have it. Why do you think it's just with film?

Speaker 2 I don't know why. Because film is way easier to fuck up and just keep trying it.
You don't, there's no, you get a million takes.

Speaker 2 I think it was because of the fact that after Mad TV, I didn't work a lot. Yeah.
And then I put too much pressure on it. Right, I know.

Speaker 2 So then once I was on the set, it became too like pressurized for me. But now

Speaker 2 I don't run into that problem. Right.

Speaker 2 Because I always have beta blockers on the side. Just to, if I need them, I'll take it.
And it always works. It does, huh? Yeah.

Speaker 2 I read this thing today about

Speaker 2 this this weird I got down this weird path with someone about a adrenochrome adrenaline and apparently if you have like extreme high levels of it, it causes schizophrenia, right?

Speaker 2 Like people have like super high levels. And there was this like wackadoo study where these guys said if you took enough vitamin C and niacin, you could like reverse

Speaker 2 schizophrenia. And I was fascinated by it.
And I went down this wormhole and I read all this stuff. And it turns out those two guys were schizophrenic.

Speaker 2 And

Speaker 2 it didn't cure anything.

Speaker 2 It's not true.

Speaker 2 I was like, this is amazing. And I was like, oh, this is not real.
This is all, they were crazy people. Yeah.
Who just made it. Did you take it anyway, though?

Speaker 2 Would I take all that stuff? I would take, if I started having schizophrenic thoughts, I don't know what, I'd probably just leave the business.

Speaker 2 I have an absurd amount of like adrenaline and testosterone and anxiety. Yeah.
So I get scared of that I'm going to break sometimes. I do crash.

Speaker 2 My old lady will tell you, I'll be on like a run and I'll be doing a lot of shows. I'll be traveling and da-da-da-da.

Speaker 2 And then she knows it's coming. She tells me, she's like, she's like, you're going to, you're going to crash soon because she can tell.
I'm like running so hot and heavy. And I'm not kidding, dude.

Speaker 2 It's the weirdest feeling. I'll just

Speaker 2 go to sleep. I'll sleep like a light.
I'll just fall asleep. For how long? 16 hours? Hours and hours.
And then I'll wake up and I'll feel super confused for like an hour and weird.

Speaker 2 I did one of those where I passed out and Jerry Seinfeld saw my dick.

Speaker 2 What? Yeah. How was that? So I was at

Speaker 2 Jerry Seinfeld saw my dick. Because you passed out from Crash?

Speaker 2 No, it's not being real.

Speaker 2 so what is that

Speaker 2 why is your dick out so i was um i hadn't slept in like a week and then i was in a week is a long like i couldn't sleep jesus and i was at then we went to las vegas to do hbo had a comedy festival real sex

Speaker 2 what do you mean the show real sex you did real sex no oh they had a comedy festival okay you know how they used to go to um

Speaker 2 not veil it was um aspen aspen yeah but after aspen they tried it in Vegas.

Speaker 2 So they hired the Kims of Comedy. The Kims of Comedy.
Oh, when you did it with me. So it was me, Ken Jung, and Steve Byrne.
Right. It hadn't slipped in a week.
And I used to

Speaker 2 take Valium.

Speaker 2 Right. So Valium.
Great, by the way. And I went to the spa.

Speaker 2 And I'm there right now. Every comic told me that

Speaker 2 I had, you know how you walk into the spa where the lockers are? Yeah. I just decided to lay there.

Speaker 2 in the spa in the middle of where the lockers are

Speaker 2 with no clothes. And I slept there for like 12 hours.
That's cool. On like one of those benches in between the lockers.

Speaker 2 A couple of people told me that they said Seinfeld walked in, saw me laying there, and he walked the fuck out. Right.

Speaker 2 Intimidated. I don't know.

Speaker 2 That little Buddha's dick was huge. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 You just laid there butt naked in the spa? Oh, yeah. I used to do that at Burke Williams.

Speaker 2 I used to take volumes volumes and then just, because they used to have like, if you paid like 80 bucks, you didn't have to do a massage or anything. You could just use their facility.

Speaker 2 Yeah, yeah, go hang out. Right over there at the Lemley where the Lemley used to be on Sunset Junction.
I know. And I used to fucking take two volumes and sleep there for like 16 hours.
Why?

Speaker 2 Because you couldn't get sleep at home? No, I don't know why. I just, I liked the smell of it.
Well, the eucalyptus and all that shit. I like that smell, right? That is good.

Speaker 2 And I also like the distant ambient music. Yeah, it's like just, it's like, it's like,

Speaker 2 yeah, yeah, and the smell.

Speaker 2 Yeah. You just pass out there.
And I used to wake up and, you know, how sometimes you wake up and you go, where am I? Yeah. Yeah, I love that.
Where am I? Yeah.

Speaker 2 I love spas. I miss spas.
We can't go to spas. The Yorkshire Ripper.
Do you see it? Yeah.

Speaker 2 You did? Yeah. On Netflix? Yeah.
Did you really see the whole thing? Yes.

Speaker 2 Wow. Wow.
What a guy. Did you really see it? I did.
So there's this documentary called the Yorkshire Ripper. What's it called? The Ripper? Ripper.
Are you being real? Yeah, you said River.

Speaker 2 Yorkshire River. Ripper.
That's what it is. All right, P-P-E-R.

Speaker 2 Yeah. The Yorkshire Ripper.
Yeah. And did you like it? Yeah, it was good.
Yeah. You know what I didn't like? Huh.
And I'm going to probably get in trouble for this. Well, we can't.
Don't give it away.

Speaker 2 Don't say anything that.

Speaker 2 What? Don't say anything that's going to be. I'm not going to give anything away.
I'm just going to tell you what drove me crazy about it.

Speaker 2 Is here this guy, this guy is killing young ladies. Correct.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 Late at night.

Speaker 2 Right? At night. It'd be weird if he's like at like noon.
Yeah. That'd be cool.
If you can get away with it at noon. The midday murderer.
Yeah. Oh, my God.
Right after lunch.

Speaker 2 Yeah, and just keep going.

Speaker 2 Right. And never get caught.
Right. That's a clever guy.
That is. Yeah, it's kind of a pussy doing it late at night.
Well, because it's easy. You can get away with it at night.
Yeah. Do it.

Speaker 2 Show me a murderer at 10 a.m. You'd probably be able to do two and get caught.
at night anytime. If you were a murderer, they'd catch you the same day, yeah.

Speaker 2 Even before I did it, yeah, they're like, Bobby, you're going to, you're on your way to the business. She would turn around, she would turn around, and I'd be just like, Oh, I'm going to prison,

Speaker 2 yeah.

Speaker 2 But, um,

Speaker 2 yeah, and so,

Speaker 2 so, the, so, the government and you know, and the authorities, the feds, they're saying to women, right,

Speaker 2 do not leave, do not go out at night, right?

Speaker 2 And also, if you are, have a, you know, have a male, you you know escort a companion a companion right and women they protested that correct they got on the streets you know i you know i'm gonna go out if i want to i fought for my rights it's fine yep it's fine but i'm just saying that if all of a sudden but when you're murdered if all of a sudden they say great white sharks are eating fat Koreans.

Speaker 2 We don't know why. They were for a long time.
I know, but we don't know why. Right.

Speaker 2 You're not allowed in the fucking ocean for right now. I'd be like, okay.
Yeah. No, what if they would say is you have to get in there with a Japanese person.
You have to get in there with someone.

Speaker 2 No, I wouldn't go in there, but even if they said you have to go in there with a Japanese person, I would probably do it. Right, because you want the protection.

Speaker 2 My point is, is that, you know what I mean? Oh, just, you know. I understand.
No, you don't. Go ahead.
It drove me crazy. And then one girl goes, I'm going to go out.
Fuck it.

Speaker 2 And then she got fucking hit in the head by the guy. Yeah, she got killed.

Speaker 2 Because, you know, she survived, but she was getting hit in the head over a hammer. You know what I mean? Because she decided to do it on her own.
But here's the problem, too: it's flawed.

Speaker 2 The logic is flawed. That even if you went with a male escort,

Speaker 2 what if the guy can't defend you anyway?

Speaker 2 If, okay, well, you would run.

Speaker 2 Okay, listen, listen. The LA's LA City announcement.
Do-do-do-do-do. Women, do not, there's a there's a ripper in LA.
Do not go out at night unless you're with a male companion.

Speaker 2 And Kalila's like, you have to go out with me. You're going to be like, no.

Speaker 2 No. He would kill you, too.
No.

Speaker 2 No. Because you're killable for sure.
That's so rude. You don't, you think, seriously? I have fucking hidden strength.

Speaker 2 You don't think you, you don't. I have HRS for sure.
You do? Yeah. I have a rage at you.
Level one or two. Dude, like, when we went to Big Bear, okay.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 We had to put fucking

Speaker 2 chains on our wheels. Yeah, chains on your tires, right? Right? Mm-hmm.
Never done that before. Right.
So I put them all wrong. Of course.
Right? So we're driving all over Big Bear.

Speaker 2 What car, by the way? The Prius? No, we got it. We rented a fucking Jeep or whatever.
James on the Prius? Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 And so I put it on wrong. So it got entangled.
Oh, it can fuck up the car. In, you know what I mean, in all the,

Speaker 2 you know what I mean, the, the, the rotor, rotor, rotor, axle and the axle. And on the rotor and all that stuff, right?

Speaker 2 And you needed a fucking, you know what I mean, a clipper to get it off. Yeah.
So we're on the side of the freeway, right?

Speaker 2 And I'm underneath the car. Fucking cars are whizzing by us because I'm trying to get it off.
Right. Because we wouldn't be able to move, right? And I'm underneath there.

Speaker 2 And I was look at how dirty this hat. I was wearing this hat, right? And

Speaker 2 I literally just, you know what I mean, ripped,

Speaker 2 I ripped metal, bro. You ripped metal.
Yeah. I went, ah, ask her.

Speaker 2 I went, ah, and I fucking ripped metal, bro. You got the secret strength.
I just had to get out of there. And it you did.
And I did it. All right, so you would defend a woman at night.
God.

Speaker 2 So rude. I can rip metal, my friend.

Speaker 2 I'm a metal ripper, dude.

Speaker 2 You got it. I just, you know, I just,

Speaker 2 listen, I, I, I, I, everyone's equal, and I honestly do believe that,

Speaker 2 yes. I don't think everybody's equal.
That's insane.

Speaker 2 Everyone is. Here we go, guys.
Everyone isn't equal. What I'm saying is everyone should be, but it's not a reality.
It's not a reality, but nobody's treated equal. That's impossible.

Speaker 2 I understand that, but if you just put every, like, 10 10 random people in one room, everyone's lives, right, are equal. No.

Speaker 2 No.

Speaker 2 No. What do you mean? Some people in that room's lives aren't going to matter as much.
Oh, God, here we go. I'm taking my jacket off.

Speaker 2 Are you being real? No. Oh, you're not? No.
Get the ball. All right.
Because I do say sometimes. It would go black lives first, because they matter, which is what everyone should have learned in 2020.

Speaker 2 Then it goes white, white people. We did get moved down one.
Black lives, white lives. Yeah, yeah.
Let me ask. Okay.
Brown lives. Yes.

Speaker 2 And then Asian lives. Okay, whatever you say.
Only because of what happened in 2020. I wouldn't have this opinion if it didn't happen.
It's insane.

Speaker 2 If China didn't give us the virus,

Speaker 2 YALA would be higher. But it's just not.
Yeah, of course, everyone should be treated equally. Duh, no shit.
But there is. I don't really do argue with my girlfriend, right? This is what I argue.

Speaker 2 I know.

Speaker 2 But I think you're right. I think some people's lives are a little bit.

Speaker 2 Let me just hear what I'm saying. You really, you believe that? I don't know if I do.
Let me just see if I can find out.

Speaker 2 Yeah, let's find out.

Speaker 2 So, which would be sad, but you know, right now, as I clap my finger.

Speaker 2 Snap my fingers. Yes, let's shut up.
Snap my fingers, right? Yeah.

Speaker 2 Just right now in Ireland. Yeah.
Little Irish baby. Okay.
A little Irish baby. A little beautiful little

Speaker 2 green bow. Yes.
McConnell, oh wholehead. Little gold.
I'm an Irish baby.

Speaker 2 And it just instantly dies. I'm dying.
Yeah. Yeah, it dies.
And then

Speaker 2 Bradley Cooper dies.

Speaker 2 I'd be so mad. I would be so bad.
It's devastating. Right.
Right.

Speaker 2 But, like, isn't Bradley Cooper's life a little bit more? It affects more people.

Speaker 2 Is it Bradley Cooper more important than a little Irish baby? Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 2 I think so. I think it's fair to say.
I think everybody would agree.

Speaker 2 Not really.

Speaker 2 The Irish Baby hasn't accomplished anything yet. Bradley Cooper,

Speaker 2 Silverlinings, playbooks, Wedding Crashers. He shouldn't live in.
He wasn't in Wedding Crushing Crushers. Was he in Wedding Crashers? Bradley Cooper?

Speaker 2 That was.

Speaker 2 Bradley Cooper was in Wedding Crashers. He was the boyfriend.
He was Todd. Oh, he was? He was the guy that what Rachel McAdams was going to marry.
Oh, I never saw the movie.

Speaker 2 You never saw Wedding Crashers? No. Such a good film.
Is he in it?

Speaker 2 Yeah. Okay.

Speaker 2 All right. Bradley Cooper is just, yeah, I get it.
I get in arguments with Khalil all the time. I guess, you know.
Do you think your life is more important than my life?

Speaker 2 Oh, this is, this is heavy. I do.

Speaker 2 You think you're more important than me. I think my life is more impactful than your life.

Speaker 2 In what way?

Speaker 2 Because

Speaker 2 you've taken away more than I've been doing.

Speaker 2 I've done a lot of firsts.

Speaker 2 Well, like what? Like, I'm the first Asian American.

Speaker 2 I've never been on a sketch show for nine years, eight years on a national television show. But it wasn't that good.
The show wasn't good. It doesn't matter.
I did it. Yeah, no, you're right.

Speaker 2 I mean, I'm just more, my life is a little bit more, the value is there. No.

Speaker 2 I'm just as valued as you. I bring so much to the table.
I do more for a community than you do.

Speaker 2 Name it. In what way? The Asian community.
In terms of show business,

Speaker 2 I've done more. What have you done for the community?

Speaker 2 In terms of representation. So what, you're there, but you're not giving back.
That's what I've done and influence. Have you given any

Speaker 2 other Asians jobs?

Speaker 2 Yes, I have. What other Asians have you given jobs to? I don't want to get into that right now.
Oh, yeah. See? No, you haven't done that much.
It's a little bit more important than yours.

Speaker 2 No, it's not. Well,

Speaker 2 why yours more? You take away more from society than you give back. And I've only given back.

Speaker 2 You have no idea what

Speaker 2 you're insane right now. You have no idea even what you're doing.
Your life is not more important than mine. I don't want to brag about what I've done.
Okay. Go ahead.
I don't want to. Okay.

Speaker 2 All right, because it's ugly. Look at this.
Look at me. Look at me.
Yeah. Your life is not worth more than mine.
I didn't say mine was worth more than yours.

Speaker 2 I simply said, your life's not worth more than mine. My life is worth more than yours.
A little bit. Not even.
True. It's not.
Let's move on. Let me tell you something.
When you die,

Speaker 2 when you die soon, when you die,

Speaker 2 they're going to go, Bobby Lee, actor, comedian, dies. They'll say actor first.

Speaker 2 No, they won't. No, they'll say comedian.

Speaker 2 They'll say comedian. They won't even say actor.

Speaker 2 Okay, you're trying to be mean. No, no, no.
I'm being serious.

Speaker 2 I'm being serious. They won't say actor.
They'll say comedian. Whatever.
Because comedian encompasses everything. Because if you Google my name, it doesn't even say comedian.
Right.

Speaker 2 Well, that's a good thing. Then the Google knows what they're talking about.
It does? Yeah. That's unfortunate.
Okay. It should say comedian.
You're a comedian first. Well, you're a comedian.

Speaker 2 My point is: Are you a better comedian or actor? I'm a terrible actor. Right.
So comedian. Like I said, it should say Bobby Lee comedian dies.

Speaker 2 Bobby Lee comedian dies in an obvious way that we all saw coming. Sad, bummer, gone.
No one gives a shit. If I died, it would go

Speaker 2 incredible white

Speaker 2 male white guy from Chicago who does comedy who gives a fuck. Who cares about a Korean kid from San Diego? All right.
No one gives a fuck. By the way, Korean from San Diego.

Speaker 2 You're not even a real, you're not even an immigrant.

Speaker 2 You're not even a fucking immigrant. Angry white guy.
You're born in San Diego. It's different than any other white guy in comedy.
But the Asian community. You're barely Asian, by the way.

Speaker 2 You're a fucking LA kid.

Speaker 2 I did a lot.

Speaker 2 You've done a lot of shit. Okay.
You've done a lot. The best

Speaker 2 piece of shit. You know know what the best thing you've ever done is? What? This fucking podcast.
That's not true.

Speaker 3 By far, hearing you guys, your New Year's resolution wanted to be better friends. We decided to play with you a newlyweds game to know to see how well you know each other.

Speaker 2 Okay. All right.

Speaker 2 What is this? To put you guys next.

Speaker 2 Oh, okay. Okay.

Speaker 3 So I'm gonna ask first Bobby and then Andrew a question about the other person.

Speaker 2 Okay.

Speaker 3 So when I ask Bobby, he'll write his answer and then I'll ask that same question to Andrew and then he can say it out loud and see, contrast the answers to see how well they are.

Speaker 2 All right. I know this game.
Go ahead. Do you know what we found out that just like Hilaria Baldwin, his accent is fake?

Speaker 2 Andres is from fucking Oklahoma. Yeah.
This is all bullshit. Go ahead.

Speaker 2 How about this? Say this phrase in a a southern accent. Say, hey, man, I just moved here from Texas, and boy, am I happy to be in California.

Speaker 3 Hey, man, I moved here from Texas, and I'm really happy to be in California.

Speaker 2 Okay.

Speaker 2 I don't ever hear that again. Go ahead.
All right. Start the game.
Let's start the game.

Speaker 3 This is a test. So, Bobby, if Andrew had superpowers, what would those be?

Speaker 2 Superpowers. One superpower.
Yeah, one superpower.

Speaker 2 And do I write anything down? No.

Speaker 2 Okay.

Speaker 3 So, Andrew, what do you think Bobby thinks your superpower is?

Speaker 2 Go ahead. I think Bobby would say my superpower would be

Speaker 2 like something with fire.

Speaker 2 Something like I was able to throw fire.

Speaker 2 Okay. What is it? Bobby?

Speaker 2 Fly. Fly.
I don't. Why? I don't know.
I don't.

Speaker 2 Okay.

Speaker 2 I would want to fly. I have three superpowers.
I breathe underwater. I go fly.
I don't know. Invisible.
Maybe. All right.
Go ahead. What's mine for Bobby?

Speaker 3 So now we start for real.

Speaker 2 Here we go. That wasn't real.
No. All right.
Okay. I get how it's that.

Speaker 2 I'm going to reuse this page. So, Bobby,

Speaker 3 what is one thing then Andrew has that you would love to get rid of?

Speaker 2 I want to write down. What do I have that you would he would love to get rid of? Yeah.

Speaker 2 Go ahead.

Speaker 2 Okay, go ahead. Do I say it? Yeah.

Speaker 2 Anger issues.

Speaker 2 Eyebrows.

Speaker 2 Okay. Andrew.
Yeah.

Speaker 3 What's Bobby's favorite junk food?

Speaker 2 This is Bobby's favorite junk food.

Speaker 2 Bobby's favorite junk food is... Just write it down.
I know. I'm trying to think.
You're trying to guess what I'm going to say. Yeah.

Speaker 2 So what happens? If he writes it down. And I get it right.
And he gets it right, he gets the point? Yeah. Yeah.
So I can just say something that he does. I think that he's not going to guess.

Speaker 2 I'm assuming that he's going to try to answer the right question, right? Right. Yes.
Right. So I'm just going to...

Speaker 2 answer something, make something up that's going to not be on his fucking piece of paper. Right.
But this, I mean, this is like who gets a point.

Speaker 3 This is like you guys have to be in good faith. This is to make you guys better friends.

Speaker 2 Oh, so this is not a competition of who wins or loses. No, it's not a competition.
Oh, okay, go ahead, then.

Speaker 2 Uh,

Speaker 2 okay, here you go.

Speaker 2 Or, what is it, Bobby? Pizza.

Speaker 2 Okay, what is it? I just, I said, ice cream. Oh, okay.
Pizza.

Speaker 2 Fuck, I shouldn't, I knew it was pizza. You had nine deep dishes.
I know, I know. That's why.
I mean, that's why I'm trying to fucking do this. I know I'm trying to not do it.
Sorry, okay, go ahead.

Speaker 2 Ice cream? What the fuck?

Speaker 2 Do Koreans eat ice cream?

Speaker 2 Yes, we were able to.

Speaker 3 If you were to draw an emoji that represents Andrew, what would that be?

Speaker 2 Okay. I have to draw an emoji.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 Okay, so Andrew, what do you think is I think it's I think it's this one that's like

Speaker 2 like a crinkly eyebrows and uh yeah okay

Speaker 2 I was right

Speaker 2 I'm right, I'm right

Speaker 2 all right good. So I get a point.
Yeah,

Speaker 2 what? Yeah, like I get a friendship point. That's what Andres is trying to bond us.
Alright, go ahead. Andrew? Yes.

Speaker 3 What's Bobby's biggest fear?

Speaker 2 Um.

Speaker 2 Bobby's biggest fear. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Be honest, though.

Speaker 2 You know what my biggest fear is. And if you really know me, you'll know what my fear is.
I know, but I don't want to say that on this paper.

Speaker 2 Yeah. Your real biggest fear? Yeah.

Speaker 2 No, because now I'm confused.

Speaker 2 Your Bobby's biggest fear.

Speaker 2 I don't know.

Speaker 2 I thought it was something else, and that doesn't make sense now. Okay, so I think your biggest fear is

Speaker 2 I don't fucking know.

Speaker 2 What is it? Doing a comedy special.

Speaker 2 Oh, that was an honest answer. That's what I just told you I was going to do.

Speaker 3 Which one did you write?

Speaker 2 Nothing.

Speaker 2 I know it is your biggest fear. Why is it your biggest fear, Bobby? I don't know.
It is. So I'm just, let's, I don't want to analyze it.
Can we do it?

Speaker 2 Can we talk about it for real? Later. But we're doing the game.
Sorry, go ahead. God.
What if we do a comedy special together? No, I don't want to do one with you. Go ahead.

Speaker 2 Okay. Okay.

Speaker 2 Let's play the game.

Speaker 3 Bobby, one thing you guys will never agree on is one thing.

Speaker 2 Yeah, that.

Speaker 2 Have you ever seen this show? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. One thing.
That's a weird question.

Speaker 2 One thing we'll never agree on.

Speaker 2 Oh.

Speaker 2 So much writing. Okay, go.

Speaker 2 That time doesn't matter. No.

Speaker 2 Again.

Speaker 2 Whose life is more important? Fuck. It's a callback.
Yeah, it was a good call. I thought you were mine.
I thought we were insane. It couldn't be a callback.
It just happened.

Speaker 2 We just got over that bit. Yeah, it was just.
I know. That's why I thought it would be fresh in your mind.
All right, all right. What is this? What is this? Come on, let's go.
Yep.

Speaker 2 Really failing here.

Speaker 3 Bobby is more present today.

Speaker 2 Yeah, maybe he is.

Speaker 2 Andre's.

Speaker 2 Give me the more real. Yeah.
Go ahead. No, more present is.

Speaker 3 How many pairs of shoes does Bobby have?

Speaker 2 Oh, that's pretty good.

Speaker 2 It's such a hard thing to determine.

Speaker 2 How about do you even know?

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 What is it? 15. Fuck.
What is it? 12.

Speaker 2 That's close. Pretty good.

Speaker 2 Thank you. That's three off.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 Such an innocuous number. All right, what's his?

Speaker 3 Who usually gets their way?

Speaker 2 Be honest.

Speaker 2 Go ahead.

Speaker 2 You.

Speaker 2 I do. Yes.
Fuck yes. Okay, good.
There you go.

Speaker 2 All right, what else?

Speaker 2 Being honest. I know.

Speaker 2 You know, see, at least you know I always make you always get your way. I know I do.

Speaker 2 And it has to be that way.

Speaker 2 Go ahead. Because I'm more important.

Speaker 2 That's why.

Speaker 2 Is that why?

Speaker 2 Or is it because you're a little fucking brat? I'm more important. Or is it because you're a brat? I'm more important, and that's why I get my way.
Go ahead, Andres.

Speaker 2 Shut the fuck up.

Speaker 2 Such a little asshole.

Speaker 3 Our show is almost perfect, except for

Speaker 2 our show is almost perfect. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Except for.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 Be honest.

Speaker 2 George.

Speaker 2 Well, okay, go ahead, Andres.

Speaker 3 When is your official bad friend's anniversary?

Speaker 2 Oh, fuck.

Speaker 2 That's pretty good. The exact date?

Speaker 3 Well, as close as possible.

Speaker 2 So what month is it? Today month is now. What month is January now?

Speaker 2 Okay.

Speaker 2 Andrew? February.

Speaker 2 April.

Speaker 2 How long have we been? We've been doing this almost a year. We have? 52 weeks in a year.
Oh, fuck. This is episode 40 something.
I don't know.

Speaker 2 It's February what?

Speaker 3 February 15th or something.

Speaker 2 February 15th. All right, let me give it mine.

Speaker 3 If Bobby asked you to grant him a treat on your way to work, what would that be?

Speaker 2 Okay, yellow American spirits. Fuck.
What is that? Sugar-free red bowl. Oh, I almost did something.

Speaker 2 But it is yellow American spirits.

Speaker 2 It is. I know.
Fuck. All right, go him.

Speaker 3 How does Andrew like his steak cook?

Speaker 2 Medium rare. Medium rare.
Perfect. Good boy.
Yeah, yeah. All right.
What else?

Speaker 3 What was Bobby's first job?

Speaker 2 What was Bobby's first job? Yeah.

Speaker 2 Okay.

Speaker 2 Oh, fuck. This is tough.
Because I know some of your first jobs, I don't know what your first, very first job is. Can you give me the age just so I get a good age range? 17.

Speaker 2 Okay. I worked on a farm.
What? I said server in San Diego. You served when you were 18 and 19, weren't you? No, I was 20.
Oh, you were? 19. What farm did you work on? Donald Yasawatchi's Farm.

Speaker 2 Donald Yasawachi's Farm? Yeah. That sounds like a TV show.
Let's keep going with the game. All right, what is it? What's next?

Speaker 3 Bobby, who's Andrew's hero?

Speaker 2 Oh, that's really hard.

Speaker 2 Who's Andrew's hero? Think comedy. Yeah, think comedy.

Speaker 2 It's just a basic one. You can answer it.
It's something that's not true, even, but just it's easy. Go ahead.

Speaker 2 Who's my hero?

Speaker 2 Just

Speaker 2 Bill Cosby. No.
Joe Rogan. Joe Rogan.
No, that's not fucking. That's not true.
Yeah, yeah. All right, give me.
Jim Carrey. Jim Carrey is definitely.
Yeah. I said Bill Cosby.
He said think comedy.

Speaker 2 Go ahead. Okay.

Speaker 3 So, Andrew.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 3 What's Bobby's favorite TV show?

Speaker 2 Oh, easy. Of all time? Easy.
I talk about it all the time. If you don't know this answer, I might have to start a new podcast.
Fine. At this point.
Honestly, at this point, fine. Yeah.

Speaker 2 You don't even know when to fucking, it's been a year.

Speaker 2 What's Bobby's favorite TV show?

Speaker 2 In fact, I saw three episodes last night.

Speaker 2 Really?

Speaker 2 Your viewers know. The viewers know.

Speaker 2 If you don't know this, we're not friends.

Speaker 2 Okay, what is it? Star Trek the next generation. Different strokes.

Speaker 2 You didn't know that? I did know it was Star Trek, but

Speaker 2 it's my favorite show of all time. I know.
We've talked about it before. I know everything about it.
But see, I think that's so hard. Do you? I don't have a favorite show of all time.

Speaker 2 I do. You should know that.
Sorry.

Speaker 2 Hey. Yeah.
Sorry. All right.
We did talk about it when I talked about Spock and all that stuff. I remember.

Speaker 3 If Andrew was a cartoon character,

Speaker 2 what would he be? I am.

Speaker 2 If I was a cartoon character, which one would I be? Yeah. What cartoon character? Like a famous one? Yeah, obviously.

Speaker 2 Oh.

Speaker 2 Okay.

Speaker 2 I'm cheating, but I saw how little you wrote. Yeah.

Speaker 2 So I'm like, what? That's... Because obviously I would say Archie.
No.

Speaker 2 What? Ren. From Ren and Stimpy.

Speaker 2 That's good.

Speaker 2 I do love Ren. Yeah.
You idiot.

Speaker 2 Yeah. That's true.
And you're Stimpy. Yeah, yeah.
It really is. We literally are Ren and Stimpy.

Speaker 2 Yeah. Okay, that's good.
That's smart. Okay.
What is it?

Speaker 3 Okay, so what animal would Bobby be if he were an animal?

Speaker 2 Panda.

Speaker 2 Undoubtedly. Yeah, yeah.
It's not even a competition. I already knew that he was.
But you are a panda. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 Some people think I'm a koala. Wrong.
Okay. Here's why.

Speaker 2 Pandas actually have a little bit of like

Speaker 2 activity in this. Koalas don't do shit.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 Koalas don't. Pandas are lazy.
Koalas don't exist. I know.
In a fire in Australia, they're just. They just burn to death.

Speaker 2 Move! Love fire! Get out of the trays! Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And they say it.
Nah.

Speaker 2 Yeah. All right, what else?

Speaker 3 If, Bobby, if you discovered that Andrew was an ex-convict.

Speaker 2 Ex-convict?

Speaker 3 Yeah. What would your reaction be?

Speaker 2 What would you say? No, the better question is: what did he go into prison for? There you go. That's the question.
Sure. What would you go to prison for? Yeah.

Speaker 2 This isn't hard either. Yeah, it's just, you know,

Speaker 2 I don't know how to write it, but like.

Speaker 2 So many letters.

Speaker 2 Are you writing out like detailing the crime? I don't know. I don't know what else.
I mean, it's manslaughter. It's got to be aggravated.
Like, man, I killed somebody.

Speaker 2 Mine was more like snapped, you lost your temper, violent. That's manslaughter.
Rage. I killed somebody.
Yeah, okay. Yeah, it's the same thing.
How many did you write down there? A bunch. Okay.

Speaker 2 What else?

Speaker 3 If Bobby,

Speaker 3 if someone offered Bobby a million dollars, would you think he would reveal a dark secret about you?

Speaker 2 wait if someone offered him a million dollars to reveal a dark secret about me would he take the money and do it yeah oh

Speaker 2 go ahead no

Speaker 2 you're a good friend but you don't well i wrote yes for the comedy

Speaker 2 you wait wait stop but in real life no no no no i know you know you wouldn't

Speaker 2 well that's fucked up dude i know you wouldn't you drew the line you fucking drew the comedy no no you didn't do you really believe that no here's why well i wanted to be a dick and here's why yeah You know why you wouldn't.

Speaker 2 Because a million dollars is not a lot of money to you.

Speaker 2 How much money? How much money? Yeah.

Speaker 2 A million. How about this? How about that? Yeah, I know you wouldn't for a million.
That's why I wrote yes. It's a joke.
Yeah. 10 million.
No. Yeah, you would.
No, I wouldn't. 10 million.

Speaker 2 10 million, I wouldn't. 100 million.
50. 50.

Speaker 2 50 million. You would really.
Because I know a couple of secrets. My darkest secret.
Yeah. And I know a couple of secrets.

Speaker 2 No, I probably wouldn't. I'll tell you why.

Speaker 2 I'll tell you why I wouldn't. Because you what?

Speaker 2 Because

Speaker 2 I'm not a rat. No, you're not a rat.
Yeah. No, you're not a rat.
I'm not a rat. And

Speaker 2 I also want to be in comedy. Yeah.
Yeah, and that would be, that would throw me out. The end.

Speaker 2 That would be the end for me in comedy. All right, who's got another? You have another question?

Speaker 3 Yeah, this is the last question, but it's for both of you.

Speaker 2 First,

Speaker 3 we'll start with Bobby.

Speaker 2 Okay.

Speaker 3 None of the Bad friends uh fans know this about andrew but he's very good at like something a secret talent or something that you know that the fans actually don't know that i'm actually good at something

Speaker 2 i mean i already said it though

Speaker 2 i think what when

Speaker 2 it is something that i probably have said

Speaker 2 i don't remember if i did it called

Speaker 2 okay

Speaker 2 kissing no

Speaker 2 i made a joke uh dancing uh-uh what is that Bowling.

Speaker 2 Oh, yeah. We talked about that.
No, the fans know that. Yeah, yeah.
Is there anything that you think that I'm good at that people don't know?

Speaker 2 I don't think so. All right, I'll be a good friend.

Speaker 2 You know what? Something that here's something that I think they're going to be. I'll be a good friend to you.
Go ahead. People don't know that.

Speaker 2 As much as we joke around on this show and we make fun of each other and we attack each other and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. People don't know that you actually have an extremely sincere heart.

Speaker 2 And no, I'm being serious.

Speaker 2 People don't know what you would do for a friend. Are you drawing a penis? Yeah.

Speaker 2 People don't know. People don't know.
I get nervous. I do.
I know. People don't know what you would do for friends.
People have no idea.

Speaker 2 You understand what I'm saying? Yeah. People don't know that you would go to certain lengths to do things for friends for real when it really matters.
They'll never understand that. Yeah.

Speaker 2 You know,

Speaker 2 we've had a few encounters where it's a thing and, you know.

Speaker 2 By the way, that's a bad penis. If you're going to draw a penis, you have to draw something like a good one.
Do you have any more of these questions, Andres?

Speaker 3 No, not for today. I think you guys had 12 run and seven ride all together.
So I think, well, you guys are starting the year on better terms.

Speaker 2 We are. Hey, so we had a so look, we found out that we're great buds and we love each other very much.
Oh, real great, heavenly brothers. Let me say this for real.
I'm glad to be back with you.

Speaker 2 I'm happy. It's good to see you.
It's a new year. It's a new year.
New year, new bots.

Speaker 2 New year for you.

Speaker 2 New year for me. New year for us.
Look at me. Stop looking at fucking George.
I hate him sometimes. I know.
What a good guy.

Speaker 2 He laughs and laughs like he giggles and giggles like the ripper. Bob.
Yeah. Good to see you, too.
Thanks for being a bad friend.

Speaker 2 Thanks for being a bad friend.

Speaker 2 Thank you for being a bad friend.

Speaker 2 By the way, by the way, your life matters as much as mine. It's It's not.

Speaker 2 You're such an asshole. You matter just as much as I do.
A little more, it's fine.

Speaker 2 No, not a little more. It's fine.
Not a little more.

Speaker 2 You can have your opinion. And you can have your stupid opinion.

Speaker 2 And it's wrong. It's not wrong.
It's wrong. I believe what I believe.
You're such an asshole. Yeah.

Speaker 2 And the reason why you're so defensive is because you know that I'm right. No, because I knew you were going to say that.

Speaker 2 You're trying to fight for something

Speaker 2 because you can't win. Because I knew you were going to say that.
All right.