Judge Rudy's Court

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See your local Toyota dealer for hybrid battery warranty details. You two are bad friends.

Speaker 4 Who are these two idiots?

Speaker 4 You two are disgusting.

Speaker 2 We're bad friends. Are we ready to go, you guys? We are.
Okay.

Speaker 2 We are. We are.
We are. We are ready to go.

Speaker 2 We are ready to go. See you.

Speaker 5 I've been watching that show Queen's Gambia.

Speaker 5 And

Speaker 5 he looks like... both George and him look like people that should be in that show.

Speaker 2 George looks like the creepy guy that tries to have sex with her at the beginning, right?

Speaker 5 Right, right, right.

Speaker 5 And also,

Speaker 2 what's his name? Andreas. Andreas.

Speaker 5 Andreas looks like a guy that, like, you know, he is at the booth signing people in, and he's questioning her, like, you know what I mean? Like,

Speaker 5 are girls even allowed to play chess?

Speaker 2 Yeah. Right?

Speaker 5 And then he gets his ass kicked. He has that kind of like, yeah.

Speaker 2 You know what I mean? Who do you guys think you are in the show? Do you you think you're somebody else, George? That's who you are.

Speaker 2 I'm the suave guy.

Speaker 6 Is there a suave debin air guy?

Speaker 2 No, there's not a suave debin. You're not suave, you're not suave at all, George.

Speaker 5 You're greasy, dude.

Speaker 2 You're clumsy. You're super clumsy.

Speaker 5 You're a used car salesman.

Speaker 2 You are a used car salesman. That's what you are, George.

Speaker 5 A used car salesman.

Speaker 2 But

Speaker 2 what dealership, by the way?

Speaker 5 Oh, not even used shit cars. Yeah, like old, like they're not.
Not 80 years from now,

Speaker 5 in the future, junkyard. Priuses from now, he'll be selling.

Speaker 2 You're a junkyard car dealer, George.

Speaker 2 And Andres is

Speaker 7 the guy who plays fast chairs really well.

Speaker 5 Fast chess. Fast chess really well.
No, you're not.

Speaker 2 I played fast chess.

Speaker 5 You're the guy in 20 moves, she beat you. Yeah.
And then the next episode, you're the guy that says, yeah, I just decided to become an engineer.

Speaker 2 Right?

Speaker 5 Like, you quit because of the heat. Yeah, 100%.
What a great show, though.

Speaker 2 It was a phenomenal. Are you finished?

Speaker 5 I'm on episode 8.

Speaker 2 Love it.

Speaker 5 Yeah, I don't know exactly what happens.

Speaker 2 Didn't you finish Rude? Yeah, I did. She did.
So good.

Speaker 5 It really is a well-done show.

Speaker 2 So, wait, are you watching it by yourself or you guys are watching it together?

Speaker 5 I'm watching it with Kalila. Oh, okay.

Speaker 5 She's already seen it. Yeah.
So we're just kind of re-watching it. But what a good show.

Speaker 2 Did you watch it? Are you watching it again? No. No, you're over it.
Once is enough. I can't watch a show more.
I know people that do that all the time.

Speaker 2 They're like, I'm rewatching The Office from the start. I'm like, I can't wait to watch it.
Well,

Speaker 5 I've seen every disaster movie probably a thousand times. Like, I've seen Volcano Volcano

Speaker 5 probably 200 times. I've seen Deep Impact a thousand times.

Speaker 2 What about Twister?

Speaker 2 That's not, I'm not, I didn't know. It's a good movie, though.
It's okay.

Speaker 2 Really?

Speaker 5 Yeah, I think the graphics aren't as good.

Speaker 2 Yeah. Well, of the time.

Speaker 5 It was very, pretty good.

Speaker 2 What was the worst? What's the worst movie that you've watched multiple times and you don't know why? The Core. The Core? Yeah.
What is that?

Speaker 2 I don't know what that is.

Speaker 5 So The Core is a...

Speaker 5 The Core is a disaster movie, right?

Speaker 5 And so, you know, so

Speaker 5 when you think of disaster movies, you think, what, Meteor?

Speaker 2 Right. Right?

Speaker 5 Let's say tsunami.

Speaker 2 Those were all sort of tsunami. The world ending.

Speaker 5 The world ending, right? Or some sort of thing, right? So

Speaker 5 they ran out of ideas, Hollywood.

Speaker 2 So they went, what do we do?

Speaker 5 What do we do? And so they, so this one is

Speaker 2 the core of the earth.

Speaker 5 It just stopped spinning.

Speaker 2 What?

Speaker 2 Yeah. Like the world ceases to spin.

Speaker 5 No, just the core, you know, the molten...

Speaker 2 Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, metallic, you know what I mean?

Speaker 5 It just stops spinning.

Speaker 5 And then gravity dissipates, and then the solar winds come and destroy the earth. So

Speaker 5 the only way they can save, right, is to get to the core of the Earth, right, and get it to spin again.

Speaker 2 What? Yeah. So they create a ship.

Speaker 5 To go into the middle, and they have great actors.

Speaker 5 Hilary Swank. What? Aaron Eckhart.

Speaker 2 When did this come out?

Speaker 5 I don't know, 12 years ago, maybe. Who else? Wait, wait, wait.
Stanley Tucci?

Speaker 2 Spoiler alert, spoiler alert. How do they get it to spin? What was their

Speaker 5 you got to go to the center of the earth and run as fast as you can around it?

Speaker 5 Then you release Hussein Bolt.

Speaker 2 What is his name?

Speaker 2 Saddam Hussein Bolt. No, what's his name?

Speaker 5 Hussein. What's his name?

Speaker 2 Hussein Bolt.

Speaker 5 Yeah, Hussein Bolt.

Speaker 2 Yeah. Have him run.

Speaker 5 Yeah. Right?

Speaker 5 No, they put Michael Phelps. No, they put little nuclear charges

Speaker 5 and detonate it.

Speaker 2 So it would so it would create inertia to keep

Speaker 5 inertia.

Speaker 2 Right. It didn't work.
It does.

Speaker 2 That would have bad. This is such a bad movie.

Speaker 5 I know, but it worked. That's what I love about it.

Speaker 2 Fancy, you laughed because you've seen this movie? I have, yeah. And did you like it?

Speaker 7 It's a bad movie, but I enjoyed it.

Speaker 2 Like, would you watch it again? Like, but like, Bob has seen it more than once.

Speaker 7 Yeah, I know the director too, so it's a

Speaker 2 director. What does he do now?

Speaker 2 Industrial films for Southwest Airlines? No, he's a postmates driver.

Speaker 2 No, he's a pretty cool guy. What does he do now?

Speaker 7 He does TV shows. What kind?

Speaker 2 Yeah, yeah, yeah. What kind?

Speaker 7 He was doing the Borgazz.

Speaker 2 Oh, that's a really good show. That's a good show.
We take it.

Speaker 2 Shut up. You fucking.
Shut up, George. You car sale.

Speaker 5 You want a Priya a thousand years from now.

Speaker 5 Yeah, we'll call you.

Speaker 2 We'll give you a ring.

Speaker 2 Let's give a shout out right now to my pup Cub. I brought Cubby Cubby to the universe because, why? I brought Cubby because I got a FaceTime call from Kalila and you three nights ago.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 And the argument that was going on inside of your house was what?

Speaker 2 Go ahead.

Speaker 2 What do you mean?

Speaker 2 You had an argument that I don't love my dog. No, no, no, no, no, no.

Speaker 5 That's not what the argument was.

Speaker 2 That's what she said.

Speaker 5 I understand that, but see, now I have to share my worldview when it comes to white people and their dogs. Okay, go ahead.

Speaker 5 I don't want to share that because it's going to cause anger

Speaker 5 between me and the whites.

Speaker 2 The whites don't like you. We took a vote.

Speaker 5 The whites, I've been down many white vaginas.

Speaker 2 We like you.

Speaker 5 Okay. You can make fun of us.

Speaker 2 Go ahead.

Speaker 5 It's not making fun of it. It's just something that I...

Speaker 2 You think whites aren't good with animals?

Speaker 5 No, that's not what I'm saying.

Speaker 5 You remember the fucking lady, Jane, whatever, lived in the jungles and

Speaker 5 lived with the monkeys?

Speaker 2 Jane Goodall, yeah. Yeah, Jane Goodall.

Speaker 5 Yeah, so I know they love them.

Speaker 2 So what is it?

Speaker 5 Yeah, but it's like...

Speaker 2 Do we love them too much.

Speaker 5 No, it's okay. Do you ever see the movie Signs?

Speaker 2 With the water?

Speaker 2 What?

Speaker 2 No. M.

Speaker 5 Night Shyamalon's movie Signs.

Speaker 2 Yeah, yeah, the water. Wasn't it water that killed them?

Speaker 5 Oh, yeah, the aliens. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 Yeah, it was like the worst plot. You can see water, right?

Speaker 2 You can, because everyone remembers that was the worst plot. They were like, and it, and all it is is water that hurts them.
And it's like, what? That's what fucking M.

Speaker 2 Night Shyamalon can't swing away, right? The baseball bat thing? Amazing movie. It was so bad movies.
Andres. Help.

Speaker 7 Fancy, help. I really like this movie.

Speaker 5 Yeah, I think the movie is amazing.

Speaker 2 It was one of the worst movies he made.

Speaker 5 Because you don't.

Speaker 5 No, it's not.

Speaker 5 It's a sleeper.

Speaker 2 It's the one. Were you going to say it's the one? The Sixth Sense is, I think, the one.

Speaker 5 No, I think that Signs is his best movie, and the Sixth Sense is Second.

Speaker 2 You're fucking insane.

Speaker 8 It's such a good fucking movie.

Speaker 2 Bobby, you're doing this just to argue with me. I swear to God, I fucking love Signs.
You think that's better than the Sixth Sense?

Speaker 5 100%. The only thing that

Speaker 5 Sixth Sense had that was great.

Speaker 2 Tony Collette.

Speaker 2 You're so annoying. You never saw this coming.
You never saw the plot twist coming.

Speaker 5 Yeah, the surprise. But dude.

Speaker 2 That's the whole thing. But I didn't.

Speaker 5 But when my brother and I watched signs, right?

Speaker 2 I'm not kidding you, dude. My brother and I held each other's hand

Speaker 5 at the end of the movie, and we started shaking, right? And we looked, you know how you cry in a movie, right? Sure.

Speaker 5 You You can't really see the tears until you lock eyes and the glare of the fucking screen hits my fucking tears. Yeah.
And I saw my brother's tears, and we looked at each other, and we

Speaker 5 started shaking, and then we burst into laughter because it looked ridiculous that we were crying at the same time.

Speaker 5 And then my brother and I remember us walking down the street for like two hours going, is that the best movie we've ever seen? So yeah. No way.
Yeah, because I'll tell you why I like the movie.

Speaker 5 And this is, okay, it's...

Speaker 2 Fancy. Is Six Sense better than Signs? Or Signs?

Speaker 5 Yes. Thank you.
I didn't think so. But can I have my own opinion?

Speaker 2 No. Yes.
You know.

Speaker 5 I'll tell you why I also like it, all right? And this is the thing.

Speaker 5 Like the movie, right? It's like, because my brother, this is going to sound so dumb. I don't want to dive into this, but I'm going to, right? Please.
Just to defend myself, right?

Speaker 5 But because my brother and I, right.

Speaker 5 I don't even want to speak for my brother. I'm going to speak for myself.
All right. That I believe in some weird thing, which is a higher power.

Speaker 2 I believe in a higher power, too.

Speaker 5 Because of my, but it's because of my

Speaker 2 subs. I know, I'm not dumb.

Speaker 5 I know, but what I believe is that

Speaker 5 this is what I believe, is that I believe that everything happens for a reason. There are no coincidences, right?

Speaker 5 And it's like, there have been too many things in my own personal life. And I'll give you an example, right?

Speaker 5 If I can give you real deep examples of why I believe, right, that I'm taken care of, you know what I mean? And I don't believe in Jesus.

Speaker 5 I just believe that when I see a coincidence, I think that it's like something that was was meant to be.

Speaker 2 Right? Sure.

Speaker 5 So that's what the movie's about.

Speaker 2 Yes. Right?

Speaker 5 So the switch for me of I didn't know that the little cups of water around the fucking living room that the little girl leaves around all the time, that, you know what I mean?

Speaker 5 That that was all meant to be to kill the aliens, right? And the kid had asthma, right? So that the poison doesn't go what? Spoiler.

Speaker 2 Fuck you. If you haven't seen signs in it, you can fuck yourself.
He's right. That's true.

Speaker 2 he's right yeah no no no you're right if you haven't seen signs by now yeah yeah go fucking jump off a roof thank you yeah right so all those little things when it happened at the end

Speaker 2 yes in retrospect it's cheesy beyond all right but at the time right my brother and I went oh that's why the water right and then no he had ass up because

Speaker 2 you're right and then you know and then the mom being clinged to the tree when the car hit the mom it was in the dying right right and she goes swing away Meryl swing all right

Speaker 2 and they that's why she said it and he grabbed the thing so all that stuff at the time when i was watching it it hit me because it i related to it it seems like they just inserted a bunch of stuff that like he got you know what it seems like that that six sense was such a banger was such a banger and they were like dude you got your sophomore albums got to be as good as the freshman one yeah and then he just like compiled a bunch of weird dumb tropes like and the boy has asthma and the aliens killed him it was like he was just flashing it was the third movie by the way whatever yeah it was just bad unbreakable was great Unbreakable was good.

Speaker 2 Okay. Did you like the village? Loved the village.
Okay. Loved it.
We're on the outside. Most people hated it.
Fancy B?

Speaker 7 I like it a lot, too. Okay.

Speaker 2 Because people hate the village. Did you see The Village? No.
No, she doesn't watch anything.

Speaker 2 The village people hated, but I was like, why? I think this is great.

Speaker 5 The one thing about signs is now let's go back to the dog thing.

Speaker 2 Okay. Yeah.

Speaker 5 And when my brother and I saw it, I remember thinking to myself, yeah, that's about right.

Speaker 2 Why? Watch how this scene. Why?

Speaker 5 When they were all, so the aliens are attacking.

Speaker 2 Yeah. Right.

Speaker 5 And, you know, now Mel Gibson, Joaquin, and the two kids are in the house. They boarded everything up.

Speaker 2 Right.

Speaker 2 And then they go, oh, fuck, we forgot the dog that was outside by the barn.

Speaker 5 And then they can hear the aliens killing the dog.

Speaker 5 And in my head, it's like, I thought, that's about right. Because in our home, right,

Speaker 5 I leave jewels out first before the fucking animals. Well, yeah, but that's.

Speaker 2 ridiculous. People are going to get left behind.
Right, right, right. Right.

Speaker 5 Right, so. No, but

Speaker 5 so when you're watching the movie and you see the dog getting killed out by the barn, in my head, I'm like, yeah, they would leave the dog out. You know what I mean?

Speaker 5 Whereas in Independence Day, right,

Speaker 5 when I forgot her name, Will Smith's,

Speaker 5 she was a stripper in the movie. What's her name? His girlfriend in the movie.

Speaker 2 Oh, yeah. What is her name?

Speaker 2 Oh, God.

Speaker 2 I like her. And I i forgot her name oh i can't think of her i can see her face i can draw a photo of his fox

Speaker 2 vivika

Speaker 2 fox oh my god how

Speaker 5 annoying vivique ate fox right remember when they called their dog because the aliens were attacking they were in that you know um under the tunnel or whatever and the car was under and they're like come on i feel like black people would do that

Speaker 2 yeah yeah come on right

Speaker 2 white people would just leave that's so not true yeah we would do i would do anything for that dog anything i'm in love I'm in love with that dog.

Speaker 5 All right, let me ask you this.

Speaker 5 Would you get a give up a liver to put that into that car?

Speaker 2 100%. Well, no, you can't live without your liver.
What do you mean? Would I give up like a what is it people? A kidney. A kidney.
Yeah, of course. Of course.

Speaker 5 You would live. All right.

Speaker 2 And if they said you might die from giving up the kidney, I go, sure, whatever. How about they said that the pandemic is I don't fucking care anymore.

Speaker 5 Inside your penis. Yeah.
Right? Yeah. Inside your penis, there is a blood vessel, right? Yeah.
And inside that blood vessel, there's a sack.

Speaker 5 There's a little sack in a blood vessel. Okay.
Right. That has, because he's dying from a really specific disease.
That's a girl.

Speaker 2 That's a girl.

Speaker 5 Your girl is, she's dying from a very specific disease, right? And you go, the only way we can save this dog, right, is we have to get to that little sack, right?

Speaker 5 And then

Speaker 5 take

Speaker 5 the juice and the material in there, and we have to create an antidote. But the only way we can do that is we have to completely chop your dick off.

Speaker 2 Right. Do you put it back? Are you guys going to put it back on? No, no, no, we can't put it back.

Speaker 5 It just destroys the penis.

Speaker 2 Well, okay, is there a way for me to get a cadaver penis? Like, can I get another guy's penis?

Speaker 5 No, the only way we could do, we could like take the remains and take the, like, the, you know, the sensational parts of you and tuck it in. Oh, give me a vagina? Yeah, pussy.

Speaker 2 Done.

Speaker 5 I would love to. You wouldn't do that.

Speaker 2 I would love to have a vagina. I've had a dick for 37 years.
Did you let me fuck it? Yes. Be real.

Speaker 2 Okay, good. Yes.
Let's do it.

Speaker 5 But my point is, is that, so those are my reasons.

Speaker 2 You think whites are. Yes, you think you've got a white white white white white.

Speaker 5 What did you say? When me and Kalila called you, what did you say?

Speaker 2 Something racist? Yeah, you did.

Speaker 5 What did I say? You said we eat our dogs.

Speaker 2 You do. You guys eat dogs.
No, we don't. Have whites ever been.
Has there any historical reference of a white eating a dog?

Speaker 2 No. Is there some historic? Is it a cake? Okay.

Speaker 2 No.

Speaker 2 No. Are there historical references of Asians eating dogs? Yes.
Today?

Speaker 2 This moment? I mean, probably. I'm saying in this

Speaker 2 time period. Yeah.
Okay. So, end of story.
I've seen the videos on YouTube. Have you watched the videos on YouTube?

Speaker 3 I've seen.

Speaker 2 You've seen it? Yeah. Okay.
Wait, wait, in real life? Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 5 No, you've seen

Speaker 5 a dog eaten in real life. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Gross, done. I'm done.

Speaker 2 And you're a bad people. Let's explore it.
And you're a bad people. Let's explore it.
When did you see it?

Speaker 3 It was in my hut.

Speaker 2 It was in one of the huts.

Speaker 2 Like

Speaker 2 in my house.

Speaker 5 It was in my house. It was my dog.

Speaker 2 Wait a minute.

Speaker 2 Wait a minute. In your village, just out in the street? Yeah,

Speaker 2 it was a stray dog oh well that makes it okay

Speaker 3 what happened and then my cousin said that they were gonna eat a dog and they invited me oh it was like a dinner party

Speaker 2 you get like an invitation in the mail an evite yeah yeah yeah we'd love for you to join us for dog this evening yeah yeah do you even know what kind it was no

Speaker 2 what did you say was it and then i said no have you did did you ever have you ever tasted pup no you you don't want to. You think that's wrong? I don't want to, yeah.

Speaker 2 Yeah, but then people there, like if you voiced your opinion, if you were like, hey, I don't think that's okay to eat dog, did they get mad at you?

Speaker 3 Yeah, because it seemed normal there.

Speaker 2 Wow, see, that's crazy. It's a cultural thing.
But here's the deal. We eat cow here all the time.
And

Speaker 2 Indians, it's sacred. So it's disrespectful to the animal.
So we say it's crazy only because it's the viewpoint that we have.

Speaker 5 Yeah, so but when you say, though, that like Asians do it, some Asians have lots. Not here in America, though.
Lots.

Speaker 2 Not in America. You don't think they bring that with them? They bring everything else.

Speaker 5 They don't bring it like it's like some sort of dance or something like that.

Speaker 2 A culture?

Speaker 2 Yeah, that's a cultural thing. You know what I mean?

Speaker 2 Do you think some people would come over here and do it over here in secret? Maybe. Yeah.

Speaker 2 It's not out of the realm of reality. Maybe.
Why? Because they just because they fly to a different place, it's like, well, we're just going to stop doing what we used to do. Yeah.
That's crazy. Yeah.

Speaker 2 How many cultures did your dad and your mom do? What are your cultural things that your dad and your mom do that

Speaker 2 was from Korea that they wanted to make sure that they passed along and they had here?

Speaker 2 There were things that they did, right?

Speaker 5 Yeah, but we do it here as well. That's my point.

Speaker 2 Beat their kids, you mean? Yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Oh, you're saying Americans?

Speaker 2 Yeah, yeah, yeah. So they're like crossing.
Is there nothing indicative of Korean culture that your parents brought over here that we don't do here culturally that they wanted to instill in you guys?

Speaker 5 Yeah,

Speaker 5 I mean, maybe the things around food.

Speaker 2 Yeah, like what?

Speaker 5 Like, you know, when you go into.

Speaker 2 By the way, things around food. Right.
Dogs, food. Right.
So the thing we're talking about is a thing that exists.

Speaker 5 Yeah, you would see when you came to my house, we had a normal-looking kitchen, aside from the fact that there was, like, squid and stuff being hanging.

Speaker 5 We have squid, dried squid hanging all over the place. What? Yeah, as if it's like mistletoe or something.

Speaker 5 Right? But instead of kissing under either, you eat it.

Speaker 2 Wait a minute. Drying it out? Just dry squid? Yeah, you just have squid laying around.

Speaker 2 Why?

Speaker 5 Why?

Speaker 2 Eat later I don't know why doesn't it just go in a fridge or something? I have no idea. I never asked.
Okay, this is my point.

Speaker 2 So to them, drying out a golden retriever is not that big of a deal, right?

Speaker 5 And then you would, and it was embarrassing. Like when I had my white friends over, right, I would never want to open our refrigerator because then you have to explain things.

Speaker 5 Yeah. Right? So then they would open up and they would see you would see like a gigantic orange jug, right?

Speaker 5 And they're like, what is that? I could see that. And then you hit the jar, right?

Speaker 2 And an eyeball would floop by.

Speaker 5 It's hard hard to explain no but it's but but see there's cultural things that exist when people come over or you go to like you know what white when you guys eat fish right

Speaker 5 when we eat fish like my mom and my dad they go right to eyeballs right they eat the worst part first yeah they

Speaker 2 and they put stick in their mouth and it's like it's like you know what i mean you don't do that no way no no way only torso Tito's handmade vodka is America's favorite vodka for a reason.

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Speaker 5 Why are you dressed like this? What the fuck is going on here?

Speaker 2 Oh, dude.

Speaker 2 Yeah?

Speaker 2 You've been served.

Speaker 2 This is so dumb. You've been served.
I've been served.

Speaker 5 Okay.

Speaker 5 This is a bit. That's why they're wearing suits.
I don't know. Yeah, it's exactly what it is.
You think I'm a dumb-dumb? Yeah. I come in here, they're wearing raggedy tag fucking suits.

Speaker 2 Hey, first of all, those are expensive. Those are Joseph A.
Bank suits.

Speaker 2 Yeah. Those were two for eight cents.

Speaker 2 What happened? Plaintiff.

Speaker 4 This is the plaintiff, Andrew Santito.

Speaker 4 He claims his podcast co-star refuses to come to the show on on time, even though he promised he would.

Speaker 2 He's suing for an apology.

Speaker 5 This is the defendant Robert Lee.

Speaker 4 He says the plaintiff is a big ginger bully who always bosses him around.

Speaker 4 He contends that being late isn't his fault and it's not a big deal.

Speaker 4 He's accused of being a selfish man, baby

Speaker 5 do not throw these papers away your official papers that affect your record you may show up to the bad friends trial on december 14th you're here legal assistance we have provided you with the best public defender we could see you're not apologizing

Speaker 2 you got a pd

Speaker 2 you have a pd right there i don't need you can i defend myself oh my how offensive you don't want to use the public defender that fucking piece of shit no your taxes pay for him i don't care Do I have to use him?

Speaker 2 No. All right, I'm going to defend myself.
Would you like to be a part of my counsel then, George?

Speaker 2 Yes, then. Two lawyers.
I've got two lawyers.

Speaker 2 You know what?

Speaker 5 I would like an outside help. I want Jules to be my lawyer.

Speaker 2 That's Judge Jules. Oh, she's the judge? Oh, my dear.
Judge Jules.

Speaker 2 I'll defend myself then.

Speaker 5 I still don't know what the apology, the complaint for an apology. Facts.
The plaintiff states that the following facts are true.

Speaker 5 Robert Lee is always late, which shows a lack of respect for the plaintiff causing him.

Speaker 2 Under I was here on time to undue stress. I was here on time to do that.
I know, but this is from all the previous times.

Speaker 5 I know, so that's right there.

Speaker 2 A fact. We'll use that in the case.
I will.

Speaker 2 Okay.

Speaker 2 So we're going to let's start. The honorable Judge Jules.
Should we all rise? All rise for the honorable Judge Jules.

Speaker 2 There you go. Tell us when to sit.

Speaker 2 You may sit. Okay, thank you.
Thank you.

Speaker 3 The meeting can now start.

Speaker 2 Oh, great. Okay, thank you.

Speaker 10 And your honor? Your honor.

Speaker 2 Don't make fun of my lawyer too.

Speaker 5 Or you got started.

Speaker 11 So we're here because my client, Mr. Andrew Santino, the great Andrew Santino, very punctual Andrew Santino,

Speaker 11 has been constantly under

Speaker 11 distress because the defendant here always gets late, comes late, is always not on time, basically.

Speaker 2 And we want a formal apology.

Speaker 2 That's right. Get off your phone.
We're in the middle of court. Yeah, I am literally having, I have evidence.

Speaker 5 Yes, so I'm gathering evidence.

Speaker 5 So may I look at my phone, please?

Speaker 2 I mean, ask the fucking judge.

Speaker 5 I have evidence on the phone, right? So may I look at my phone?

Speaker 3 As long as it's all evidence.

Speaker 2 As long as it's all evidence.

Speaker 5 Okay, and I could, it'll show you. Okay.
And it's coming in.

Speaker 2 Okay?

Speaker 5 So go ahead.

Speaker 2 Your Honor, I'd like to present my first, my lawyer and I would like to present our first witness. It's George Kimmel.

Speaker 2 No relation to any of the famous Kimmels.

Speaker 2 George, would you say,

Speaker 2 on average,

Speaker 2 I am on time to the podcast?

Speaker 2 I'm sworn to...

Speaker 2 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 5 You're under oath.

Speaker 2 Put your hand on your penis real fast.

Speaker 2 Put your right hand on your penis and say, I do solemnly swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, tell me about the truth. On my penis, I swear.

Speaker 2 Fantastic. And if you don't...

Speaker 2 So, George, would you say that I'm... I'm not even done with the witness.

Speaker 5 You can't cross my eggs.

Speaker 2 No, I'm not done with the witness. Would you say that I'm typically on time?

Speaker 6 I would say Mr. Santino is typically 5 to 15 minutes early.

Speaker 2 Would you say that the defendant is not on time, usually?

Speaker 2 I would.

Speaker 6 That's a matter of depending. It depends what you mean by on time.

Speaker 5 Thank you.

Speaker 9 Such a pussy. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Thank you. Would you, would you say, okay, you're correct.

Speaker 5 Would you, would you say, don't call your witness a pussy, by the way?

Speaker 2 I said it to you.

Speaker 5 Oh, I know, but I'm the defendant.

Speaker 2 He can't hear us. All right.
I looked over, like in court.

Speaker 2 Would you say then, Mr. Kimmel,

Speaker 2 that Bobby

Speaker 2 comes after the arranged time that we've agreed to start?

Speaker 2 Usually.

Speaker 2 Yes. Yes.
Okay. Okay.

Speaker 11 And do you think, Mr. Kimmel, that playing my video games,

Speaker 10 waiting for Uber, losing your keys,

Speaker 10 or

Speaker 10 other

Speaker 11 reasons like that are a good reason to miss the time.

Speaker 2 Okay. Ever had an Uber?

Speaker 2 Even when he's a witness, he's still taking your side.

Speaker 5 Yeah, may I cross-examine?

Speaker 2 Yeah, sure. At this point, it doesn't matter.

Speaker 5 Let me ask you, George,

Speaker 5 before we even started this podcast, did Andrew Santino say that I'll take charge, right?

Speaker 5 I'll set everything up. Don't worry about it, Bobby.
You know what I mean? Just show up. Show up on time.

Speaker 2 No, let me finish. Just show up on time.

Speaker 5 Let's just show up, right?

Speaker 2 Just show up on time.

Speaker 5 I'm going to ask you this, George.

Speaker 2 Show up on time?

Speaker 5 Can he not interrupt me?

Speaker 2 Can you get it connected? That's the judge.

Speaker 5 Judge, can he not interrupt me so I can

Speaker 5 thank you so much?

Speaker 2 Order in the court. Don't tell her what to say.
Order in the court.

Speaker 2 I'll take a cheeseburger, fries.

Speaker 5 Didn't Andrew say, right, that before we started Bad Friends, way back in the day, right? That he would take care of everything, right?

Speaker 5 And he would set everything up, buy all the equipment, and do all the things, right? Did he not say that?

Speaker 10 Objection, Your Honor. Their lawyer is leading the witness.

Speaker 2 Hell yeah. Okay.

Speaker 2 What?

Speaker 2 It's leading. You're leading.

Speaker 5 Okay.

Speaker 5 Let me ask you this, okay?

Speaker 8 Bobby, you may not lead the wood.

Speaker 5 Bro, I hope I hope. Let me ask you this question.

Speaker 5 This would be bad.

Speaker 5 When I show up

Speaker 5 even late. Very, very...
Have I showed up on time? Let me ask you that before.

Speaker 6 Yes, you were on time today.

Speaker 5 Exactly. I was on time today, right? And as soon as I showed up, were we ready to go or did we wait about 10-15 minutes before we started?

Speaker 2 We were ready to go.

Speaker 5 Yeah, but did we start? When did we start though?

Speaker 2 We were ready to go.

Speaker 5 I know, but did we start right when we walked in or is there like a five-10 minute time?

Speaker 2 When he goes or smokes a cigarette object

Speaker 5 and we get, let me ask you, that's a real question. Or do we start right away? The cameras are rolling when you walk in.

Speaker 2 Right.

Speaker 5 But do just when we start? I'm not sure which way we're trying to go here.

Speaker 5 When we start, when do we start? Do we start as soon as I walk through that door?

Speaker 2 Yes.

Speaker 5 No, we don't.

Speaker 5 We don't.

Speaker 2 Don't argue with. Why are you arguing with the witness? All right.
You can't say that to him. Okay.

Speaker 12 That's always a little, we need to warm up. You know, it's a comedy contest.

Speaker 2 We need to warm up a little bit beforehand.

Speaker 5 That's exactly what I'm saying. Okay.
And the second question I want to ask you, okay, is that

Speaker 5 you know my lifestyle, correct?

Speaker 5 Yeah. Right.
So let me ask you this question. Okay.

Speaker 5 If somebody had a,

Speaker 5 let's say somebody had a day job, right? They, you know, they woke up, they were a teacher and they went

Speaker 5 seven in the morning. Which you don't.
And they and they and they

Speaker 5 they end their work around 5 or 6 p.m. They go home, right?

Speaker 2 Right.

Speaker 5 And then if that person was asked

Speaker 5 to wake up, right?

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 5 So that's the way they live, right?

Speaker 5 And they wake up at 1 in the morning to do another job.

Speaker 5 My point though being is that

Speaker 2 my point is that, yeah, let me finish.

Speaker 2 My point is that...

Speaker 2 And then they do another rhythm.

Speaker 5 The rhythms of what you asked me to do, right, doesn't literally fit into the time frame of when I'm awake and when I'm, you know what I mean? It goes against, you know what I mean,

Speaker 5 the clock on which I live.

Speaker 2 Witness, witness, witness. Objection.

Speaker 10 Your honor,

Speaker 7 this is bullshit.

Speaker 2 Oh, okay. Yes.

Speaker 11 This is what happens for not using a lawyer, Mr.

Speaker 2 Lee.

Speaker 2 I'm still, I'm fine.

Speaker 5 I'm fine. I'm completely fine.

Speaker 2 You're crumbling. Go ahead, attorney.
Go ahead.

Speaker 5 May I make another statement?

Speaker 8 The attorney can speak.

Speaker 2 The attorney can speak.

Speaker 5 May I speak now, though?

Speaker 2 Thank you.

Speaker 2 I'm not just saying no.

Speaker 5 No. Dude, does it does gunway?

Speaker 2 Doesn't respect the judge. Doesn't a lawyer.

Speaker 5 I'm representing myself.

Speaker 2 Don't I have an opening? You don't have to represent myself.

Speaker 2 No, no, don't I have an opening. Don't I have an opening? No, don't I have an opening statement that I can have?

Speaker 5 May I have my opening statement?

Speaker 2 No. No.
You have to listen to the fucking judge. Oh, I don't get my opening statement.
You all you've been talking for five minutes.

Speaker 11 That happens at the beginning.

Speaker 2 Yes, you cannot have an opening statement in the middle.

Speaker 2 Judge, please dictate who you'd like to talk. Attorney can speak now.
Go ahead.

Speaker 11 Okay, I would like to call another witness.

Speaker 2 I'm calling

Speaker 11 Judge Rudy to the stand.

Speaker 2 Ooh, interesting twist. Okay.
This is an M9 Shamelon twist.

Speaker 11 So,

Speaker 7 Judge Rudy,

Speaker 11 have you experienced

Speaker 11 basically lateness, tardiness, because of Tito Bobby not being on time?

Speaker 3 Yes.

Speaker 2 Really?

Speaker 11 Does it happen like once in a blue moon or is mostly like a daily thing?

Speaker 1 A daily thing.

Speaker 2 Really?

Speaker 10 I have no more questions, Your Honor.

Speaker 2 Really? All right, so. Dude, I got the best lawyer.
Let me ask you this. I got the best lawyer.

Speaker 5 Let me cross-examine.

Speaker 2 All right.

Speaker 2 All right.

Speaker 2 Before we came today, right? Yeah.

Speaker 2 What were you doing?

Speaker 5 I was sleeping. You were sleeping, sleeping, right?

Speaker 2 You're a teenager. I know.

Speaker 5 So did I have to wake you up, right, to get you ready to come here?

Speaker 3 Yeah.

Speaker 5 If I hadn't done that, would you have slept through it?

Speaker 3 I would have waited for Auntie Kalila.

Speaker 2 I know, but if

Speaker 5 you can hit it in the middle of the day, if Auntie Kalila didn't say anything, right, which she wasn't going to, if I didn't, and didn't wake you up, right? Would you have showed up on time?

Speaker 5 Would you have slept through it?

Speaker 5 I wouldn't have slept through it because I have to go with you i understand that but i had to awaken so if i hadn't waken you woken you up right you would have slept through the time

Speaker 2 maybe yes no no don't leave yes just leave okay let me let me remind you

Speaker 11 that uh jujarudi is not uh

Speaker 11 accused of anything here that's right and let me ask you another thing all right

Speaker 5 many times right i have to wait for you downstairs i do i go i'll meet you downstairs i say that to you a a lot. I'll meet you downstairs and you come down, right?

Speaker 5 And then you kind of slouch your shoulders and eventually you end up there, right?

Speaker 5 Let me ask you that, do you think that that kind of behavior might feed into the reason why that we are late to this podcast?

Speaker 3 No, because you always say 15 minutes and you can come down.

Speaker 5 Right, but by me saying that, though, means that I am, you know what I mean, I am aware of the time, right? I'm aware that we have a destination to go to, right?

Speaker 5 And right, and I'm the one that's always having to tell you right

Speaker 5 when we're when we have to leave when we have to go right you have no awareness of what's going on

Speaker 3 all right all right i have to speak okay go ahead because i depend on you i'm i'm awake at eight in the morning and we record at three and you wake up at like 250.

Speaker 2 no i don't you do that's rude you do that's working hit the hit the gun all right i also like to

Speaker 5 say something. May I say something, right?

Speaker 2 This is your closing statement right now.

Speaker 5 I'll do my first closing.

Speaker 2 This is it right now. You've got it.

Speaker 5 When I was,

Speaker 5 I think I was in

Speaker 2 seventh grade.

Speaker 2 Okay.

Speaker 5 I used to take the school bus to school like most kids.

Speaker 2 I know, but what the fuck is that?

Speaker 10 You don't know relevance.

Speaker 5 No,

Speaker 5 this is very relevant.

Speaker 2 Let me express my point. I'll get it.
Get it there. All right.
Yeah.

Speaker 5 So one morning.

Speaker 2 How long was the bus?

Speaker 5 The bus ride was probably 20 minutes long.

Speaker 2 Oh, the physical bus. How big was it?

Speaker 5 It wasn't a short bus.

Speaker 5 And I mean,

Speaker 5 he's making assumptions that I'm retarded.

Speaker 2 Excuse me. Excuse me.

Speaker 5 It was a smaller bus. Excuse me?

Speaker 2 It was a smaller bus. Language.
Your honor, language.

Speaker 2 But by him asking me

Speaker 2 besides the business, it means that he wants to fucking

Speaker 2 have some sort of mentally retarded

Speaker 2 objection for your honor. I fucking find that to be blasphemy.
Your honor. How fucking daring are you? Your honor, I'm not afraid of you.
He was a regular size bus. I am simply a business.

Speaker 2 He was a regular size bus. I was simply asking you about buses in San Diego, Your Honor.
I have no idea what they're like down there. I'm not privy to San Diego buses.

Speaker 2 Close your statements. I'm going to finish, all right?

Speaker 5 So, one morning, I woke up. five minutes late.
I missed the fucking bus.

Speaker 2 Okay?

Speaker 5 So on the car ride, my mom had to drive into school. On the car ride, this really did happen.
On the car ride to school, right? That bus that I missed by five minutes got in a car in an accident.

Speaker 5 A truck hit it, and four kids went to the emergency room. One kid almost died.

Speaker 2 Okay.

Speaker 5 And that traumatic

Speaker 5 experience, right, makes me always like, not want to show up exactly on time. It's one of those like, um,

Speaker 5 it's, it's a traumatic effect that's affected my, my, my daily adult life.

Speaker 5 And it's like, everywhere I go, I'm always about five or ten minutes late because I think that I just never really dealt with that, you know, um, with that um experience.

Speaker 2 Oh, what a what a manipulative fucking what a you're what's a manipulative story. What do you mean? It's a story that it was really good, it was but it was really good manipulation, right?

Speaker 5 So, what I'm saying to you right now is that um

Speaker 2 is that your closing statement? You're done. You have to be done.
You're dragging.

Speaker 2 Your honor. Your honor.

Speaker 2 Order, please.

Speaker 2 Your honor.

Speaker 2 Your honor, this is insane.

Speaker 8 You have 10 seconds.

Speaker 2 No, I don't have 10 seconds. Don't disrespect the judge.

Speaker 2 You're not.

Speaker 2 This ain't fucking Russia, man. I got my fucking closing statement.
No, you already have it. Can I give you a time limit for closing statements? Yes, the judge can.
She can say anything.

Speaker 2 I've never seen that in any fucking court to fucking show.

Speaker 8 I'm the judge. I can say anything.

Speaker 2 Fuck, man. You know what? You're not.
You have 10 seconds.

Speaker 2 I fucking. You're going to get it.
You fucking bitch.

Speaker 2 Oh,

Speaker 2 you're honored to be honest.

Speaker 2 You blasphemy. Oh, my God.

Speaker 2 You're done for, bud.

Speaker 2 Your honor.

Speaker 2 I apologize. Okay.

Speaker 2 Yeah, that'll make up for it. My closing argument is this.

Speaker 5 The times that these podcasts occur are times where it's very inconvenient for me.

Speaker 2 4 p.m. Right.
Very inconvenient for me. 4 p.m., audience, we shoot this show.

Speaker 5 All right, number two. That's number two.

Speaker 2 It's 7 p.m. right now.

Speaker 5 I had a traumatic experience growing up

Speaker 5 that I haven't really dealt with that has caused me to be five or ten minutes late to every occasion.

Speaker 5 Number three, I would argue that me being late doesn't really have an effect on the anybody else but you. Right? It does really have an effect on his life.
He's a millionaire because of podcasting.

Speaker 2 So idiot, right? He's five seconds. Yeah, no, not five seconds.

Speaker 5 He makes a lot of money on the road, right? And this is just all fun and games, and it doesn't affect him, right? He's a multi-millionaire because of this

Speaker 2 because of this group, right?

Speaker 5 And what I'm saying, what I want to also say that's a good idea.

Speaker 2 Shut up, sir. Remind him he's under owned.

Speaker 5 And I want to believe, And I believe that this accusation, right, is just a part of his entitlement, right, to put down a minority comic.

Speaker 2 Oh, a minority comic.

Speaker 2 Oh, my God!

Speaker 5 A minority comic, right? And this is just his way, right? So let's

Speaker 5 put that in the books.

Speaker 2 Okay.

Speaker 5 And you have that recorded? All right, thank you. That's my question.

Speaker 10 My objection, Your Honor.

Speaker 11 I would think we should strike this statement of the books.

Speaker 2 Okay.

Speaker 5 No.

Speaker 3 Attorney, you can.

Speaker 2 Give me my closing statement. Attorney, go ahead.

Speaker 10 Your Honor, we have

Speaker 10 abundant evidence

Speaker 11 that the accused doesn't even want to refute the accusation about being late.

Speaker 2 Let's say a word you're saying. You are late.
Let me fucking talk.

Speaker 11 This is not Perry Mason.

Speaker 8 This is real life.

Speaker 11 You cannot come here and just say a bunch of bullshit, Your Honor.

Speaker 11 He is late. He's been proven late.

Speaker 8 45 episodes we recorded.

Speaker 8 He's been on time twice.

Speaker 8 So life can happen once or twice, but not 42 times.

Speaker 11 So we are, my client is entitled to an apology, and I'm sure you will find it in your heart and in your brain, Your Honor.

Speaker 11 That all the, you know, you can cut through his bullshit and and tell it as it is.

Speaker 10 My my client deserves an apology.

Speaker 2 Your Honor, that's our closing statement.

Speaker 5 Your Honor, also, let me just say.

Speaker 2 No, you're done. All right.
You made a closing story.

Speaker 8 You can't say anything anymore.

Speaker 5 There are consequences.

Speaker 8 The meeting is closed.

Speaker 2 Hit it harder. Hit it.
Shut up. You're done.
Okay. Your Honor, please give us the judgment.
Okay.

Speaker 3 I have decided that

Speaker 9 Andrew won the case and Andrew deserves an apology.

Speaker 10 Thank you, Your Honor.

Speaker 2 We won. We won, Andreas.
Yes. Yes.

Speaker 2 Alright. Go ahead.

Speaker 2 When you're ready.

Speaker 5 I'd rather go to prison.

Speaker 2 When you.

Speaker 2 Your Honor, Your Honor, if he doesn't apologize, what kind of sentence is he?

Speaker 5 I'd rather go to prison.

Speaker 2 Your Honor, what kind of sentence can we guarantee?

Speaker 2 What kind of sentence can we guarantee?

Speaker 3 If he doesn't make an apology,

Speaker 3 he has to take out all of the trashes.

Speaker 11 Hide all his video games.

Speaker 3 Hide all the video games.

Speaker 2 No, those aren't, that's not going to happen.

Speaker 2 And you will tell Auntie Kalila

Speaker 2 that he went and got something when he wasn't supposed to. Even if it's not true, right? Yeah.
Good. Okay.

Speaker 2 No,

Speaker 5 I'd rather suffer those consequences.

Speaker 2 Really? Yeah. You're not going to apologize.
You lost the case, fair and square. I don't care.
I gave you an attorney. We gave you a public defender.

Speaker 5 I refuse.

Speaker 2 Wow. Yeah.
Okay.

Speaker 2 You sore loser dude i'm not a sore loser no no you are because you lost the case fair and square i served you we sued you

Speaker 2 get the fuck out of your floor

Speaker 2 and i will call fucking you know

Speaker 2 if you call hey

Speaker 2 if you call

Speaker 2 i want to see his green card

Speaker 2 i honestly want to do run i want to see your fucking green card run

Speaker 2 i want to tell you something i'm a little concerned about when i brought the pup in Go ahead. When we take, do you guys have this with your dogs?

Speaker 2 When you take them on road trips, do you know about anal secretions?

Speaker 5 Yeah, I get them all the time.

Speaker 2 No, the dog.

Speaker 2 She will, you will be sitting in the car going on like a long drive. Yeah.
It'll just be like,

Speaker 2 and then all of a sudden you'll be like,

Speaker 2 yeah. Yeah, our puppy.

Speaker 5 Our Julio does that. We have a dog named Julio that does that.
And the puppy does it too.

Speaker 2 We took her into the vet because we were like, hey, man, she's like, it's the foulest, it's the foulest smelling shit on earth it doesn't smell like poop it smells like you know what it smells like

Speaker 2 pussy dirty vagina oh yeah yeah it smells like dirty vagina yeah it does

Speaker 2 but when she does it she's done it on my shirts and ruined shirts because it's when she's anxious when she's like like this when there's a lot of action she gets a little bit like what's going on So I was afraid I was going to get some secret on the shirt.

Speaker 2 Julio does it? Yeah.

Speaker 5 I just can't believe that the traumatic experience I had as a kid on the bus didn't sway the fucking.

Speaker 5 Can I tell you something?

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 5 Because that really did happen.

Speaker 2 It was really good, though. That was an incredible defense.
That was really good. It didn't help, but it was good.
But why wouldn't that help? Because you called her a bitch.

Speaker 5 Oh, that's right.

Speaker 2 That's right.

Speaker 2 You can't call the judge a bitch. Right, right, right.
Like, that's like rule number one. Don't call the judge and don't make fun of the judge.

Speaker 2 Have you ever seen those videos of people in court being assholes at judges?

Speaker 2 And the judge is like, yeah, I was just going to give you like two years, but now it's like six like are you dumb yeah i'm the one that doles out the thing yeah you're right yeah you're done for with that dude yeah you can't do that stuff you got to be sweet to the judge yeah but i have to say that um i know that was all you know for fun it was not that's a real lawsuit pal all right pal but um i have to say that um

Speaker 5 you'll never get an apology from me You did already on an episode.

Speaker 2 You did already say, I'm sorry. We went through this already.
We've already done this. Did I really?

Speaker 5 Yeah.

Speaker 5 We've already done this. Well, you get one.

Speaker 2 You're such a turd. I'm not.
That's not true. You apologized the other day via text over something.
You said sorry. What was it? I'm not going to talk about it, but you said sorry.

Speaker 5 Tell me what the apology was.

Speaker 2 You said, okay, I'm sorry. You said, I'm sorry.
And we went. I'll go back.

Speaker 5 Yeah, you can look it up. Yeah, let me look it up.
And if it's too sensitive, because I feel like it's a sensitive, is it a sensitive thing?

Speaker 2 I mean, I don't think you should talk about it live on air.

Speaker 5 I won't, but let's go to your thing.

Speaker 2 But you said, okay, sorry. And you know what it was about.

Speaker 5 It's oh, yeah, sorry. Hey, not gonna.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. I know what it is.
Yeah. I just think that between you and I, there is the utmost trust.

Speaker 2 Okay. Okay.
I'm not even gonna.

Speaker 2 I would like an apology

Speaker 5 for that.

Speaker 2 Serve me papers and we'll go over it. I will.
Serve me papers. I will.
And we'll go over it. Do you want an apology? No.
Serve me papers.

Speaker 5 All right.

Speaker 2 Serve me papers, bitch. Go through the right channel.

Speaker 5 Because I'm going to say this, right? You have a lot of nerve.

Speaker 2 You fucking roly-poly.

Speaker 5 You have to have so many going to names, okay?

Speaker 2 Yeah, because

Speaker 2 you've got a lot of nerve. You have a lot of nerve.

Speaker 5 You garbage human.

Speaker 5 You're a garbage human, right? You have a lot of anger and a lot of resentment. Hey, and it's ugly.

Speaker 2 Cool Northface jacket and Northface spiny, you fucking loser from 20 years ago.

Speaker 5 Well, why? This is not in fashion?

Speaker 2 It hasn't been for 20 years, you fucking loser. What are you, an REI fucking catalog? Grow up, dork.

Speaker 5 Yeah. Are you a surfer with your fucking, you you know what I mean? Loose fucking sweatshirt and your little fucking ocean symbol on your fucking...

Speaker 5 You've never surfed a day in your life, you piece of shit.

Speaker 2 What does this have to do with surfing?

Speaker 5 Right? It's just the whole...

Speaker 2 It's the beach bomb. It looks like a surfer shirt.
Surfers don't wear shirts in the water, you fucking idiot.

Speaker 2 But if you're gonna wear a puffy jacket, it should have sleeves.

Speaker 5 You look like you're in a fucking surf cabana.

Speaker 2 Cut-off sleeve loser.

Speaker 2 Just wear a real jacket, you fucking

Speaker 5 fucking Windsea or North Shore, you piece of shit. Because if if look at this albino piece of shit at the fucking beach, thinking that he could surf.
No, get the fuck, go to the snow.

Speaker 2 Yeah, I would. And you know what? I'd wear a Northface coat that had sleeves on it, you fucking idiot.
Incomplete coat. An incomplete coat.
That's what you're wearing.

Speaker 5 This is a very beautiful attire. A vest.

Speaker 2 What a dumb idea. Get a coat.

Speaker 2 All right, we're done. We're done with what?

Speaker 5 We're done with what? That. What? I'm done with that bit.
Yeah, but we're not doing, I'll tell you this.

Speaker 5 There are no more apologies in this house.

Speaker 2 If you want an apology for me, you can serve me papers.

Speaker 5 No, no, no, let's be real. I'm not going to serve you papers.

Speaker 2 Okay.

Speaker 2 Okay.

Speaker 5 I'm not going to ever do this because it's ridiculous.

Speaker 2 No, it was official. You have a resentment.
And you didn't obey the judge's rules. That's what's annoying.
The judge made a judgment call.

Speaker 2 You stepped into the courtroom. What the judges realize is the judge lives with me, right?

Speaker 5 And what the judges realize is that there are real-life consequences.

Speaker 2 Yeah. Oh, there are.
Oh, there are.

Speaker 5 Because let me say this.

Speaker 2 Like what? What are you going to do?

Speaker 5 She knows.

Speaker 5 She has to smell things.

Speaker 2 Can you imagine

Speaker 2 the power that the judge has with her aunt over you? The judge's court is way deeper than your shit.

Speaker 2 Yeah, that's right. Think deeply about that.
Do something goofbally with her.

Speaker 5 I wish you wouldn't have done this either because

Speaker 5 this has been a very depressing week for me. Why? I've just been really depressed.

Speaker 2 Well, tell me why.

Speaker 5 There's a lot of elements.

Speaker 2 Okay, let's put away the jokes and put away the jokes.

Speaker 5 And around a lot of elements. And it's like

Speaker 2 a difficult week. Okay, let's be serious.

Speaker 5 Down, you know what I mean? And depressed. What happened? Just like almost borderline suicidal.
And then I come into this podcast.

Speaker 5 No, I'm just being real, right?

Speaker 5 It's the light at the end of the tunnel. Yeah.
I get to see my body.

Speaker 5 And then you serve me papers.

Speaker 5 And

Speaker 2 I'm being real, dude.

Speaker 5 It's like, oh, this week is worse than I thought it was going to be.

Speaker 2 You're so dramatic. No, I'm not being dramatic.

Speaker 5 It's been such. You've asked my therapist yesterday.

Speaker 2 Take time out.

Speaker 2 Take a time out.

Speaker 5 So what I'm saying is... Take a time out, real fast.
Let me just finish my point. Do you know what those are?

Speaker 2 What? These are cameras. Yeah.
This is a comedy show. It's fake.

Speaker 5 I understand. The papers are fake.
It doesn't matter.

Speaker 2 You know that's not a judge? You know that's just Rudy Jules? Yeah.

Speaker 2 This isn't real. I understand.
Do you know that this isn't real? Do you know that George isn't a star witness?

Speaker 2 Do you know that Andreas not only doesn't have his law degree, he's not even a fucking citizen in the U.S. They're going to fuck us.
If you joke around about that, they're going to find out.

Speaker 2 They're going to come and they're going to deport him. Do you realize that? Okay, let me tell you something.
Because he's not even legally supposed to be here.

Speaker 10 Let me tell you something. Go ahead.

Speaker 5 When you're on a scene, when you're in a scene,

Speaker 5 you're a TV show guy.

Speaker 2 You're an actor. Yes.
You get what you're... Right?

Speaker 5 Yeah.

Speaker 5 And it's all fun and games when you're... acting in a scene.
Yes. And sometimes there's improvised moments.
I was in an improvised scene in a movie once, right?

Speaker 5 And the co-star or the guy I was doing the scene with goes and he improvised something. He goes, Yeah, that's right, Fatty.

Speaker 2 Oh, and that hurts. Right, right.
And you laugh.

Speaker 5 You go, ha ha ha, that was a good one, right? And then you get the fucking van, you get in the van, and they drive you to your car, right? And you're just...

Speaker 2 Fatty. It hit home.
Yeah. Because you took a piece of reality

Speaker 2 into the car. It still hurts.
Because it was.

Speaker 5 Even though it's fun in games. Even though it's fake.

Speaker 5 Even though it's fake,

Speaker 5 it's still a little bit of

Speaker 5 truth.

Speaker 2 Okay. Right?

Speaker 5 Little kernels of truth. Okay.
And so I'm just letting you know.

Speaker 2 Playing a victim. I'm not playing a victim.
You are. I had a really bad week.
I'm saying to you as a friend. We're done with the comedy shit right now.
All the jokes are done. That was all fake.

Speaker 2 This was all for fun. Okay.
This is all a joke. Tell me why you had a bad week.
I didn't.

Speaker 2 I didn't have a bad week. It's been a great week.
Go fuck yourselves.

Speaker 2 That's what I'm saying. That was great.

Speaker 5 You're dealing with something above you, man.

Speaker 2 You're above me? Yeah, you're dealing with something more twisted. In what way?

Speaker 5 In every way, my friend.

Speaker 2 How are you above me? I'm kidding. Yeah, what? Yeah, you fucking right you are.
You're doing it again. You're fucking right, you are.
You're doing it again. You're not above shit.
Right?

Speaker 2 You're not above shit. Lean back.

Speaker 2 I'm above you. Pocahontas, take a fucking walk.
All right, Romania. Take 10,000 steps a day.
You're fucking.

Speaker 2 You're not the Fonz.

Speaker 5 You want to be the Fonz so bad? Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're not that guy.

Speaker 2 I am the Fonz. No, you're not.
Of this show, I am.

Speaker 2 You're Joni. And who are you? Right? Chachi.
Yeah, fucking.

Speaker 5 I'm fucking Chachi, dude. And I'm fucking Joni.

Speaker 2 You know who you are? What? In Small Wonder?

Speaker 5 Oh, here we go.

Speaker 5 Here we go.

Speaker 2 It has to be Small Wonder.

Speaker 2 Go ahead. I'm the Small Wonder.
Fuck you. You're the little girl.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, no.
You're Facts of Life. Oh, who am I in the world? You're corky.

Speaker 2 Fuck you, fuck you.

Speaker 5 Facts of life. Hey.
Yeah. You know,

Speaker 5 who was the... there was a girl on facts of life.
I've fucked up.

Speaker 2 There might be one. Can I say something, by the way? Yeah.
Before we get into facts of life? What? All this stuff? Yeah.

Speaker 2 I love you guys.

Speaker 2 Fuck you. I love you.
It's so dumb, dude. I love you.
I'm buying it. I love you.
Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 5 What do you do?

Speaker 2 This is the newest part of my day. Oh, God, here we go.
No, it really is. You know what I said on the set of Dave? Boy.
I said, they said,

Speaker 2 what are you doing on your day off? I said, I'm working. What are you working on? I said, I'm doing bad friends.

Speaker 5 And they go, what is it?

Speaker 2 Yeah, they said, what is that? I said, it's a podcast. And then two of the crew guys were like, we love it.
We listen to it. I said, oh, yeah?

Speaker 2 And then I said, it's my favorite thing to do. It's more fun than any TV job I've ever had.
It's more fun than any job I've ever had.

Speaker 5 Could I tell you what happened to me?

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 I mean that's in Hawaii. This is my favorite thing on earth.

Speaker 5 When I was in Hawaii. Yeah.

Speaker 5 Because I don't, you didn't text me, but a lot of friends did. Because last Saturday was my AA birthday.

Speaker 2 Time out real quick. Yeah.
I called you in Hawaii. We FaceTimed.

Speaker 5 I know.

Speaker 5 I'm just saying that this saturday oh for your anniversary was my aa anniversary what's what do you mean in hawaii you weren't in hawaii this saturday no but i'm going to tell you what happened before hawaii that relates to that but i'm just saying saturday okay well don't bury me on shit that isn't real i did i called you the whole time when you were in hawaii we told you no no i know it's like you know okay so i didn't call you on your on your on your if it's my birthday

Speaker 5 if my if it's my birthday and you called me i call you two months later it doesn't matter you should call me on my birthday i call you on your birthday every year what do you what are you talking about we celebrate i'm done i'm not let me finish my fucking thing right fine i didn't do your aa birthday i missed it go Go ahead.

Speaker 2 Your AA.

Speaker 5 Yeah, whatever. It's just a non-event for you.

Speaker 2 It's an anniversary.

Speaker 5 Yeah.

Speaker 5 It has to do with my life. But anyway,

Speaker 5 don't roll your eyes. It's so dope.
When you roll your eyes, you roll it all over the fucking place. I love it.

Speaker 2 Like a silly, like a silly Billy.

Speaker 5 So

Speaker 5 you really are a silly Billy. But so when I was on set,

Speaker 5 a crew member, like, he had tattoos on his neck

Speaker 5 and to his wrist.

Speaker 2 Was he a local Hawaiian guy?

Speaker 5 Yeah, but he was half Asian looking.

Speaker 2 So, half cool, half Asian?

Speaker 2 Okay.

Speaker 5 So, um, that's so dumb, but um, really play on words, very good. But, um,

Speaker 2 you're stumbling? No, get it out.

Speaker 5 So, he goes, I'm gonna get it out, right? Tattoos on me. He goes, hey, man, uh, here you go.
And he had a box, like one of those, like, it was almost as if there was going to be a ring in it.

Speaker 5 And I lifted it, and there was a golden one-year anniversary. Congratulations.
You know what I mean?

Speaker 2 Sobriety. Sobriety.

Speaker 5 And I took it and I go, I don't even know you, man. He goes, yeah, but I listened to bad friends and stuff.
And I know that it was

Speaker 5 your birthday is coming up. And I wanted to give you that because it, you know, I'm sober too.
And

Speaker 5 you really inspire me, you know? And I looked at him and I go, you know, it's so funny. Even...
the guy that I do with bad friends with would never do this.

Speaker 5 It wouldn't even cross his mind because he's such a self-serving, selfish kind of a guy.

Speaker 2 No, I'll be real. I just said to him, Do you're such a shit?

Speaker 5 He goes, I know that about you. I know you're the fun-loving guy on the thing.
And I go, I know. I'm the fun-loving-loving guy on the thing.

Speaker 5 I'm the bright, the, you know, the joy. Right.

Speaker 2 I'm the joy of the show.

Speaker 5 Right. And I go, I'm the one that like gives people the warm feelings.
All right. And he gives the cold pricklies.
And so I look, I grabbed the thing, right?

Speaker 5 And I stuck it right in my fucking front pocket. And I gave the guy like a little, you know, COVID hug.
You know what I I mean, a little, you know, because he had his mask on and whatnot. Yeah.

Speaker 5 And go, thank you for doing something that Andrew would never do.

Speaker 5 And we departed. And that's what I love about human beings.

Speaker 2 Let me tell you something what I love about human beings. When I was in Denver Comedy Works, I was at.

Speaker 2 It's a true story.

Speaker 2 It's 100% a true story. I was moved to tears because a man who says he suffers from mental health issues, because I've spoken very honestly about my mental health issues, I've said it openly.

Speaker 2 I have depression, I have anxiety, I suffer from it severely, and I've gotten help over the years, and it's been very hard.

Speaker 2 I've connected with my fans, and I've said my truth about it, And it's very hard for me. And a man came up to me and he was a veteran, a veteran for this country, fought for this country, okay?

Speaker 2 Not a tattoo neck crew guy from a fucking movie shoot. This is a veteran who fought for this fucking country, for the freedoms of this country.
Sure. Okay? Yeah.
And this guy gave me his patch.

Speaker 2 His patch,

Speaker 2 he gave me a patch on his fucking jacket. No, a patch.

Speaker 2 No, a patch that was awarded to him from the military, the U.S. fucking military.
Okay? Piece of shit. A patch that he gave to me.
And he said, this meant so much to me to get this.

Speaker 2 And I want to give it to you because you've meant so much to me. And that's a reflection of how I feel.
Can I finish my fucking story?

Speaker 5 Not a patch, but go ahead.

Speaker 2 Everyone gets a patch. No.
Go ahead. Not this.
Not this patch that I have at my home. Not this.
Not everyone gets this patch.

Speaker 5 Every Boy Scout gets a little patch.

Speaker 2 And let me tell you something. Oh, you're doing.

Speaker 2 So you're comparing the Boy Scouts to the U.S. military? That's smart.

Speaker 2 Smart move.

Speaker 2 And what he said to me was, this means a lot to me.

Speaker 2 And I said, oh, thank you. And he said, and you mean a lot to me, and what you've done for me has helped.
And I said, I appreciate that. And he said, particularly what you do,

Speaker 2 you know with Bobby I think the show is really great and I said oh thank you so much and he said I want you to take this patch and remember me every time you do the show think about think about me and just remember that I would have killed that

Speaker 2 when I was over there and I gave him a big hug and he kept walking and I'll never I'll never forget that it's a Korean War huh Korean war yeah yeah he was a Korean war vet and he that's what he said I those are not my words he said that You know that the Americans were in cahoots with South Korea, right?

Speaker 5 So they were working together.

Speaker 2 Yeah, but he was fighting the North. He just knew you, who you were.
He just knows what kind of.

Speaker 5 He made an assumption that I was North.

Speaker 2 Uh-huh. That story didn't happen.
I think, by the way, you look more than anything.

Speaker 2 And by the way, that story did happen.

Speaker 5 That story didn't happen. And the medal that I got from the guy did happen.

Speaker 2 This story is real.

Speaker 2 This is a real thing. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Okay. What he said at the end? And I have a story after that, right?

Speaker 5 I'm bummed that my grandfather didn't kill that guy.

Speaker 2 Yeah, well, he was too weak. He probably would have never got it done.

Speaker 2 There's hostility? No, there's none at all. In fact, this is a very fun episode.
Ellen DeGeneres got COVID.

Speaker 5 I know she did. But I sat down in the car today.
I was with the girls getting Christmas trees,

Speaker 5 which is something that Jules, the judge, you know what I mean, didn't really remember.

Speaker 2 Judge, Jules, did you guys get a real tree? That's how many? $400 on a fucking tree. Why do you say it's so negative?

Speaker 5 I'm just saying that you would think that when you do good things to the people that you love, that's in your house, that they would defend you in a court situation.

Speaker 2 Okay. Okay.

Speaker 2 Let me make a side note. That story I told was 96% true.

Speaker 5 What was false about it?

Speaker 2 I'll leave it up to the audience.

Speaker 5 He said he wouldn't kill me.

Speaker 2 I don't know what he said. Yeah, that's what it is.
Anyway,

Speaker 2 he was a great man. They gave me a patch off his jacket.

Speaker 5 So anyway, today when we found that...

Speaker 2 Wait, two real trees?

Speaker 5 Yeah. When we found out that

Speaker 2 COVID got Ellen.

Speaker 5 When Ellen got COVID, I thought, that doesn't surprise me.

Speaker 2 Why? Why do you say that?

Speaker 5 She just seems like she would have, you know, these social distancing gatherings at her house.

Speaker 2 Like she's still having parties? Yeah. Yeah, you mean like every Hollywood person is doing?

Speaker 5 Yeah, some of them are. You know what I mean? And like, some of them aren't.
You know what I mean? I feel like some

Speaker 5 are isolating. Yeah, but here's...

Speaker 5 It's a reflection of what people are doing in america a lot of people you mean are still going to you know mean shindigs and and gatherings and some people aren't right yeah but i mean she seems like somebody that would oh you think so yeah she claims she doesn't she has no idea how she got it yeah that's what they say i mean i you know i was supposed to do a movie

Speaker 5 yesterday right you can't go because what he got can't covet canceled yeah wait who oh so you know dermer you know dermer direct is directing this movie all right buddy shout out to our buddy brandon dermer and um i was supposed to do he wrote me a scene in it.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 5 And I was about to drive over there. And he calls me late Wednesday night and he goes,

Speaker 5 lead actress's sister, who they live together, got COVID, and I can't, you know.

Speaker 2 Yeah, but that's great. But at least they're doing testing.

Speaker 5 Yeah, I didn't get to do his movie.

Speaker 2 You'll get to do it. They'll pick it back up.

Speaker 5 No, no, no, no, no, no, no, don't. What do you mean? It's never done.
You got somebody else, like, that's in the bubble to do it.

Speaker 2 Oh, right. They don't want to bring you into the thing.
Oh, my God.

Speaker 2 Do you think there's going to be a movie or a TV show that's shot with all actors that have COVID?

Speaker 2 What if they

Speaker 2 like an all-COVID cast?

Speaker 5 That had it or have it at the same time?

Speaker 2 Both, whatever. If you're like, fuck it, let's just do an all-COVID, let's just cast people that have had it or have it right now.

Speaker 2 You should. The whole crew should have it.
Everyone should have it. And then you're like, well, we're doing an all-COVID movie.

Speaker 5 They should have done an all-HIV movie then.

Speaker 2 They did. Philadelphia.

Speaker 5 Yeah, but they didn't actually have it.

Speaker 2 Tom got it. Tom Hanks got it.
Oh, he did? Yeah, he got HIV. With the role? Yep.

Speaker 5 Oh, he's the one that died. That guy commits.
Yeah, he's so good.

Speaker 2 The emotions were so real. Speaking of which, Tom Hanks was the first guy that got COVID when this all.
Remember that? He was like the first guy.

Speaker 5 Oh, you know how shocking that? Remember, we were like, he's going to die.

Speaker 2 We didn't know much about it. I was so annoyed.
I was like, he's going to fucking die. Tom, fucking Hanks.
Yeah.

Speaker 5 And then I remember Mikel Arteta got it. He's a coach.
Anyway, oh, I know.

Speaker 2 I know who that is. Yeah.
I know who that is. He got it.

Speaker 2 And he lived. Can we answer? Answer the phone.

Speaker 5 No, but my mom, her text is, she texts me every day. and it's like, I don't know what the fuck to say.

Speaker 2 What does she say?

Speaker 5 Sorry, I'm a little late. I watched Da Vinci Code.
Good night, love mom.

Speaker 2 Wait, did you have a conversation planned and she just bailed? Oh, she's saying, sorry, I'm late texting you.

Speaker 5 She texts me every time, right, at around six.

Speaker 2 Yeah. Right?

Speaker 5 And she goes, I'm a little late. And a lot of this is like, it rained today, just enough to cover the ground.

Speaker 2 Love you.

Speaker 5 Good night, Sue Dreams. And I never know how to respond.
i'm like i love you too mom that's sweet i know but every every single one today

Speaker 2 partly cloud cloudy currently hey say crowdy please okay today partly crowdy currently a high temperature was forecast as 81 degrees the very good weather for me to go outside where does she live arizona wait but what part phoenix i thought she was in northern arizona no

Speaker 5 I mean, this the watering today.

Speaker 2 The watering day?

Speaker 5 Oh, the watering day. Maybe this is the only day to go outside freely and enjoy it.
Love you, my son. I miss you.
I mean, there are

Speaker 5 so sweet, but they don't make any sense.

Speaker 2 Do you have a text chain with your brother and your mom? No. You don't have any of those? No.
Whoa. What is that about?

Speaker 2 You don't have any communication with your brother and your mom at the same time?

Speaker 5 You don't have like a. I haven't talked to my mom in a year.

Speaker 2 You just texted you now. We text only.
No phone call.

Speaker 5 We haven't talked since the BTS.

Speaker 2 Oh, since the BTS.

Speaker 2 Since Since the BTS problem? Yeah.

Speaker 2 Why?

Speaker 2 I don't know.

Speaker 5 We text every day.

Speaker 2 You do know. Was it embarrassing for her?

Speaker 2 Like, did it put her in a place where she felt like,

Speaker 2 I'm embarrassed and mad?

Speaker 5 I think partly

Speaker 5 I think that her BTS obsession has even gone further down the road.

Speaker 2 Where she's like doing some creepy shit? Like she has cutouts and stuff and she's kissing them and dating them. Yeah, maybe.

Speaker 5 You know what I mean? So what I'm saying is that I think she doesn't want to talk about it.

Speaker 2 so she doesn't call and I don't call why don't you call and just break that ice because she texts me every day yeah I know but call her and say like we should start having conversations instead of just these weird texts about the watering outside I know let's call her right now I love you call her right now

Speaker 2 just call her you're texting her right now no I'm this is from a couple hours ago she's she's sleeping just call her I love you hey look at me yeah call her right now and just go I just called to tell you I love you I don't want to do it right now we'll do next episode say I called to tell you I love you next we'll do next episode well for the fans that want to know know, we are planning a trip in the new year.

Speaker 2 That'll be great.

Speaker 2 Once we get a vax to Bobo's mom, we're doing a road trip out to Phoenix. Does Judge Rudy get to come or no?

Speaker 2 I don't know.

Speaker 5 Can I show you? Can I listen? So my brother and I,

Speaker 5 and

Speaker 5 so Kalila almost broke up with me last night.

Speaker 2 Shut up. I'm being real.
No, this is annoying because now you've been fucking around all day with this stuff.

Speaker 2 What do you mean? You made a ton of jokes about bullshit. I'm depressed with a tough week.
What did she, is this real? Yeah. She really tried to break up with me.

Speaker 5 Yeah, she was really upset last night.

Speaker 2 Well, what did you do?

Speaker 5 So downstairs when I played Warzone at one in the morning, did you hear it last night? No. I went crazy.

Speaker 2 You turned on the was the younger one.

Speaker 5 No, so my brother and I and my friend

Speaker 5 Dylan, who's a drummer, very talented.

Speaker 2 18.

Speaker 5 No. 19? In his 30s.
And Dylan, he's in the band Monkshield with my brother. Right, your brother's band your brother's band yeah okay

Speaker 5 so um

Speaker 5 so we're playing warzone and we were at the

Speaker 5 the last circle

Speaker 2 sure okay

Speaker 5 so there's five people left on the board okay don't do this no listen i'm listening just go i i am i just talk slow okay no no no i know but you're like saying like even the listeners might not know so just you're in the last stage with dylan yeah so dylan and you know dylan's now down he's dead and between my brother and i and another guy And my brother, every time, right, when he's in that situation, he does something like, he'll shoot at a cloud.

Speaker 2 You know what I mean? Or he'll go up, you know what I mean?

Speaker 5 He'll face the opposite direction and the guy will shoot him in the back. Or my brother will do something ridiculous because he can't handle the pressure.

Speaker 2 And he gets nervous under pressure.

Speaker 5 Yeah, he goes, but he always says, Bob, where are you? That's the main thing.

Speaker 2 Where are they? Where are they? Right. He doesn't know, right? Isn't it show you on the map where they are? Yeah, but he doesn't know, right?

Speaker 5 But this last night, he did something you know i mean that was like miraculous what he goes i go all right steve um it's between us and another guy but in thinking in my head he's gonna die my brother and i'm gonna have to finish this guy off totally right

Speaker 2 so i go i see my brother you know i mean you know oh what going on right right and i see this guy come from a tree with his gun and my brother just goes

Speaker 5 and downs him

Speaker 2 we win no yeah and so then we haven't recorded, if you want to hear it, the last 10 seconds of it. I absolutely want to hear it.

Speaker 5 Okay, so.

Speaker 2 By the way, by the way, by the way,

Speaker 2 side note.

Speaker 2 Can the other guy hear you guys? What other guy?

Speaker 2 When you're like, oh, there's one guy left. Can he hear you guys talking shit?

Speaker 5 You mean the guy that we're killing? Yeah. No.

Speaker 2 Okay.

Speaker 5 So he can't, right? So I'm going to fast forward this to the end.

Speaker 2 Put it up to the mic. We're still in it.
I'm dead.

Speaker 2 We have to move. Yes, there's one more.
Troopers is one, Steve. He's coughing.
You're going back, keeping back.

Speaker 5 By him, bro.

Speaker 2 Yes!

Speaker 2 I didn't fail!

Speaker 2 I didn't fail!

Speaker 2 I did not fail!

Speaker 2 I triumphed. I didn't fail.
I kept cool. You tried.
Yeah, baby.

Speaker 2 Woo!

Speaker 2 Felt good. Felt good.

Speaker 5 Now that, right? Now when I did that, right?

Speaker 2 Yeah. Right?

Speaker 5 Kali's upstairs.

Speaker 2 1 a.m. Yeah.
Right.

Speaker 5 Just absorbing these screens.

Speaker 2 Right. I get it.
That's annoying. It's annoying.
Yeah.

Speaker 5 So I go up there and I'm like, yeah, I always come up when we win, I always come up with a smile on my face. Right.

Speaker 2 You know what I mean? Like.

Speaker 2 Right?

Speaker 5 And she's.

Speaker 5 so immediately like.

Speaker 2 She's in bed, by the way.

Speaker 5 Yes, immediately, my joy, you know what I mean?

Speaker 5 Because she doesn't really understand, you know.

Speaker 2 She doesn't understand that a 49-year-old is celebrating a wedding a.m.

Speaker 5 I think she gets it. No, it has to do with, it has to do with, like, my brother stepping up and growing.

Speaker 2 Look, as your friend, I think that's an incredible moment. Relationship-wise, relationship-wise? It's terrible.
It's annoying. It's annoying.
She's right. It's 1 a.m.

Speaker 5 Right. So, you know what I mean? It was a feeling of complete joy and freedom and being proud.

Speaker 5 punished right and then all of a sudden I'm being punished for feeling that and then what was you but but did you not say I'm sorry we were just having a good time it was me and Steve and she was no I mean you have to say stuff stuff like um well I guess the next time I play I won't say nothing

Speaker 5 you know I mean you try to you know I mean I said it's you say that she goes you say that but you keep doing

Speaker 5 well I'll just be more mindful about you know I mean my vocal ring did she say she would end the relationship because of it and she goes I mean, she goes, if this continues, I can't do it anymore.

Speaker 5 Is that type of thing?

Speaker 2 Really? Yeah. That's serious.
It's pretty serious. Well, can I offer a suggestion?

Speaker 5 Stop playing.

Speaker 2 No. Of course, you're not going to stop playing.
Thank you. That's insane.
No way. That's insane.

Speaker 2 Can I offer a suggestion?

Speaker 2 Soundproof the room.

Speaker 5 Yeah, George. It's the podcast room.
How come you haven't soundproofed it yet?

Speaker 2 Wait a minute. Wait a minute.
Timeout.

Speaker 2 Get in here, George. George, get in here.

Speaker 2 Get in here right now.

Speaker 2 No!

Speaker 2 George, are you trying to tell me... Stand over there so we can yell at you on camera.
Or sit down so we can yell at you on camera. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Are you trying to tell me that he's doing the game out of the pod room and it's not properly equipped to be soundproof so he can play video games in there after hours? Is that what I'm hearing?

Speaker 5 I've never heard a request to have a soundproof.

Speaker 2 No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. That's not what's happening here.

Speaker 2 These are my attorneys. No, no, no.

Speaker 5 These are assumptions that you should have already.

Speaker 2 What I'm hearing is Bobby's relationship is getting

Speaker 2 because there's cracks in the concrete, and it sounds like

Speaker 2 you're the construction worker that should be fixing them.

Speaker 6 Now, Bobby, when you broke your own screen, who bought you a new one?

Speaker 5 That's not the point.

Speaker 2 Do you see him pointing his finger at you, real aggressive?

Speaker 5 Let me ask you a different question. Let me ask you a different question, George.
Okay.

Speaker 5 Isn't

Speaker 5 Tiger Belly and Bad Friends

Speaker 5 your two biggest podcasts that you produce?

Speaker 2 Yes. And

Speaker 5 do you make money from those two things?

Speaker 2 Yes, sure. Does.

Speaker 5 Now, do you think that if Kalila broke up with me,

Speaker 5 right, that

Speaker 5 we would continue to concern? I don't think so. And I think that I would be so depressed.

Speaker 2 He couldn't do this show.

Speaker 5 He can't do this show. So

Speaker 5 where would that leave you financially?

Speaker 2 I'm booking a.

Speaker 12 Are you waiting for the time to get something to end up with a

Speaker 2 show?

Speaker 5 I mean, be real. I mean, think about it.
I am, bro.

Speaker 2 Right.

Speaker 5 So

Speaker 2 this is straight up an emotionally abusive relationship. Yeah.
And I'm here for it. Yeah, I love it.
So soundproof the room.

Speaker 2 That way, George, we don't have to have Bobby getting in trouble for things that he shouldn't be getting in trouble for. Because to be quite frank with you, this falls on you, pal.

Speaker 2 This falls on you, pal. I'm sorry.
You may leave. I'm sorry, Dale.
You may leave.

Speaker 5 I want to say one last thing

Speaker 5 to our listeners, though, too.

Speaker 2 George, you're the best.

Speaker 5 Can I say something to my listeners? What? You know, a lot of listeners, I know that they think that I'm a man baby, which is true.

Speaker 5 And I know they do they say it all the time you're a man baby and you're a little you're 49 and this is you know i mean and they accuse me of like you know what i mean um

Speaker 5 just behaving behaving badly and saying but this is the reason why this works

Speaker 2 Look, they know it's a comedy show.

Speaker 5 I know, but some people don't. They literally think grow up and all that stuff.
And I want to tell those people, I will not. I will not change.
Yeah, it's a comedy show.

Speaker 5 And I'm going to do what I'm going to do.

Speaker 2 We're going to continue to be. This is working, right?

Speaker 5 So go fuck yourself. Yeah.

Speaker 2 This show is fun because we

Speaker 2 love to poke fun at all this stuff.

Speaker 2 People aren't taking it serious, and if they are, fucking not my problem. No!

Speaker 2 That's the dude.

Speaker 2 A lot of nerve.

Speaker 2 No, honestly, that's rude. I don't give a fuck.

Speaker 5 That's so rude. So rude that you wouldn't even come up with that bullshit.

Speaker 2 I didn't. My attorney didn't.

Speaker 5 You fucked your attorney.

Speaker 2 I didn't have a choice.

Speaker 5 And he's not going to be your attorney alone.

Speaker 2 He's going to be in Spain in a week.

Speaker 5 And you know what? I wasn't going to call you out on this, but I'm thinking I'm going to throw you under the bus. Throw her under the bus.
I caught her eating a booger today.

Speaker 2 Oh, boy. Yeah.
Oh, boy.

Speaker 5 And I wasn't going to say anything,

Speaker 5 and I looked at you and I go, okay, I get what you were doing.

Speaker 5 There was no chips.

Speaker 2 There were no chips.

Speaker 5 There was no chips. No chips.
There was no chips.

Speaker 2 Yeah, what kind of chips? Hold on. What kind of chips, Ruth? Yeah.
Potato chips. Sure, but what brand? I forgot.

Speaker 2 Chips, huh? Chips. Chips.
Chips? You don't remember what chips you ate? Yeah. I remember every chip I've ever eaten.

Speaker 5 They were like chips, like salty, but, you know, not chips.

Speaker 2 They were air chips.

Speaker 2 Anyway, thank you for being a bad friend.

Speaker 5 Can I just take this off just a second?

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 You fucked me. Shut the fuck up.
No, I'm being real. Rudy, don't listen to him.

Speaker 2 Such a piece of shit. You're such a fucking intimidative, mean person.

Speaker 2 You're so mean.

Speaker 5 I'm just saying right now, there are consequences, but you broke my heart.

Speaker 5 You broke my fucking heart, you side with him in golden on the right, yeah.