No Tater Tots In Spain

Speaker 1 I had that dream again. My small business needs to hire, but I don't use LinkedIn.
And I hire wrong. So then I'm doing I.T.
and when I go to plug the servers in, they become sentient.

Speaker 1 And they won't let us access our network unless we forward their chain emails and memes to more and more and more people.

Speaker 3 And then

Speaker 3 I wake up.

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Speaker 3 You two are bad friends. Who are these two idiots?

Speaker 4 Why do you fucking an Asian dude?

Speaker 4 You two are disgusting.

Speaker 3 Are you two or something?

Speaker 5 We're bad friends.

Speaker 3 I have the iPhone 13. It doesn't exist.
I know.

Speaker 3 That's how cool I am.

Speaker 3 Okay. I know a guy that has a time machine.
What's his name? Salvador Dalo. Salvador Dalo.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Not Dali, Dalo.
Dalo. Salvador Dalo, right? He's a Spain futurist.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 3 Yeah, yeah, yeah. And he can time travel between different time periods.
That's what time traveling is. Right.
Right.

Speaker 3 And, um, well, last night I was watching a movie, some Indonesian movie. I get a knock on my bedroom door.

Speaker 3 And I go, Bonjour. Bonjour.
He goes, hello. His weird accent, he's from the future.
And I go, um, what's up? And he, there was a glow. Like, he's knocking, but there's a glow too.

Speaker 3 Right?

Speaker 3 And I could see that he's glowing. Like, it wasn't the kind.
It was a pinkish, orangish, bright light. So it's like my...

Speaker 3 No, it's better. Okay.
It's more prominent.

Speaker 3 And he goes, like, waved it, right?

Speaker 3 And then I waved my hand like this, and it appeared in my hand.

Speaker 3 That's what the iPhone

Speaker 3 does. Wow.
Yeah, it transports. Can I tell you what I did the other day? What? I hit someone's car with my car.

Speaker 3 That's not have anything to do with iPhones. yes it is what happened i hit the car and iphones fell out it was an apple car

Speaker 3 it was yeah wow that's why i got the new iphone that's how you got it yeah you hit an apple car apple car yeah right i've seen those on the road they're all over the place right you hit them as hard as you can i saw it and i hit the gas because it's run on iphone 12s it runs it runs on 10 and 11.

Speaker 3 Oh, it does. I got that right.
And they have 12 and 13 inside. Ah, I got that in there.
And normal people are walking around with the the 12 like it's cool. The 13 is what we've got.

Speaker 3 The new one that's not even out yet. Yeah.
But you know, it's like whenever these things come out, you go, what is it? What's the real improvement here? Nothing.

Speaker 3 They do one little thing. I know.
We got a new filter for you on the camera.

Speaker 3 It costs $1,000. It just isn't the same.
It isn't the same. It used to be a...
Remember before... I said that to, I got into an argument with an Apple employee, and he was like, just being rude.
Yeah.

Speaker 3 And I was like, you know, this place went to shit when that guy died. Apple was so much cooler when Steve.
He said out loud. Yeah.

Speaker 3 Yeah. When he died from that fucking stupid cancer.
Yeah. Cancer.
That's what you said. No.
Well, yes, cancer is stupid. Sure.

Speaker 3 I said when that guy, when Steve Jobs died, Apple went kaput. It's true.
How inventive was it back in the day?

Speaker 3 So cool. Yeah.
And then at some point when he died, they were like,

Speaker 3 well,

Speaker 3 put out a watch. And you're like, oh, what? Yeah.
Or I hate when they go, this is the new phone. And then you're like, what is it? And then, see the cover? It extends.

Speaker 3 Or like it wraps around, like, the screens in the back, too. So what? Like, who gives a shit? Yeah, I don't care.
I don't want to do this. No, it's, I want to look at the front.
Keep it right here.

Speaker 3 Well, you know what they did now in the new phone? You don't get

Speaker 3 a charger anymore. Yeah.
You get the cable, but you don't get the wall block. Yeah.
But the wall, but the

Speaker 3 but the cable they give you is USB-C, not USB, not the old one. So the old little blocks that you have

Speaker 3 gone. I mean, you could could still use them with the same fire thing.
But so they don't, they want you to buy their new USB-C wall chargers and no headphones.

Speaker 3 They're bastards about that. Why no headphones? I like the wire headphones.
I still like them.

Speaker 3 Yeah, I like the wire ones, but I also hate the fact that, like, my iPad doesn't charge on the mobile one. Does yours? Wait, my iPad.

Speaker 3 For this one,

Speaker 3 my iPad doesn't charge on this

Speaker 3 charger. What? Seriously? Yeah.
Is it the old... Wait, I don't know what the fuck.
But I got to get two different ones. My iPad,

Speaker 3 I got one, and it charges on this thing. This thing is the same now.
It is? I think so. I don't know.
I don't know. Because I just put the wires.

Speaker 3 There's an Apple charger in every port in my house. Yeah.
And then the iPhone also makes you feel like you have to lie to it. All the time.
When you're driving. Yeah.

Speaker 3 And it says, this phone won't turn on unless, because you're driving. Are you driving? And then you press and you say, I'm not driving.
You're not driving. But I am driving.

Speaker 3 You know what I mean? So then you have to lie to it. Yeah.
I'm not driving, right? Meanwhile, I'm playing Candy Crush. The whole time.
The whole time when I'm driving. Like this.
Yeah.

Speaker 3 Why do you make me lie? You know, do you enable location services? This is a real big debate whether or not, do you let Apple send data back to Apple? Oh, yeah. I want to know.

Speaker 3 I want them to know where I am. They do.
Good. They know regardless.
Because if I'm lost, if, like, for instance, let's say this: okay, one day I just vanished from the face of the earth. Please.

Speaker 3 Okay. no.
A lot of people feel no, no, no, no, that's fine. No, okay, but and then it's like, and all of a sudden I wake up, I get knocked unconscious, and I'm in the desert.

Speaker 3 Where were you with that night that it happened? Do you remember? Oh, yeah, I was at a Raven Ramona. Oh, you're the Raven Ramona? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 3 So there's a city named Ramona by my when I lived, I grew up in Poway, yeah, in the town north of us, I think it was or east, it was a town called I'd never been there, but I was in a Raven Ramona,

Speaker 3 right? And I'm, you know, I have glow sticks, right?

Speaker 3 I have a lobby pop in my hand, right?

Speaker 3 And there's only three people there.

Speaker 3 There's only three people. And I'm doing it, right? I'm doing it.
I'm doing it. And then I hear zap, zap, zap, zap, right? I hear a bunch of zaps.

Speaker 3 And all of a sudden, I black out.

Speaker 3 I open my eyes, and I'm in a desert, Mojave Desert. Mojave.

Speaker 3 That's what I said. Right.
That's what you said. Yeah, yeah.
That's what I said. So you're in the Mojave Desert.
Mojave Desert. And who's around you? No one.
And I'm in a shack.

Speaker 3 Oh, you're in a a shack but you're safe

Speaker 3 no if there's no door there's no walls oh there's no walls it's like a it's a gazebo gazebo that you're in a gazebo it's not yeah my bad which can be nice depending on who nature's also a bed right and i wake up a twin a single a single bed where i i wake up and i'm completely naked

Speaker 3 okay and i have an eye my iphone's on my chest just perfectly in the cavern on my chest yeah cavern on my chest and you when you wake up in the desert in a gazebo you make a certain noise I don't know if you've ever been in that city.

Speaker 3 No, what is it?

Speaker 3 Oh. Yeah.
Like calming, really.

Speaker 3 Oh, it's a paranoid. Oh, it's bad.
It's more like, oh,

Speaker 3 oh,

Speaker 3 I scared. Yeah, yes.

Speaker 3 Scared. So I'm, you know what I mean? I don't know where I am.

Speaker 3 I was there at a fucking rave in Ramona. Right.
Right?

Speaker 3 And then all of a sudden,

Speaker 3 but then all of a sudden you hear.

Speaker 3 Drones. Oh, a car.
Yeah, yeah, not a drone. Sorry.
Yeah, not a drone. The noise sounded like a drone, to be fair.

Speaker 3 But that's because it's from far. Oh, the car far away? Yeah, because the drone, I get what you're saying.
If there was a drone near me, it would sound like

Speaker 3 you wouldn't hear a drone 10 miles away. Yeah, you would.
You might. You're right.
You're absolutely correct. Yeah,

Speaker 3 you're right. Yeah, but this is what a car sounds far, far away.

Speaker 3 That's what it is. That's what I mean.
Yeah. Small hum.
Why don't you do the sound effects? I will. In my story.
Okay, here we go.

Speaker 3 Yeah.

Speaker 3 But you know what? I know what that is?

Speaker 3 You know what? I know what it is. It's the Apple car.

Speaker 3 They're on the way to rescue you. Exactly.
And they show up and they go, Mr. Lee.
Yeah. Thank you for turning on your little phone.
Thank you for turning on your location services.

Speaker 3 And then when it comes to it. And they go, it does work.
And they put you in the car and they go, you bet. Yeah.
And I'm in the car with what? Apples. Yeah, but 12s and 13s.
New apples. Yeah.

Speaker 3 Wow. Do you have an iPhone, Rudy? Yeah.
Yeah. She's an iPhone 2.

Speaker 3 That's all they have in the film. You have to still crank it? You have to turn it up? Yeah.

Speaker 6 No, it's an XR.

Speaker 3 What's that? Which one? A 10, 10, 10. It's a 10? Extra regular.
Yeah, it's an extra regular phone. The XR.
Wait, 10 is... It's X, X 10, right? X is 10.
X means 10 in Roman numerals. You like it? Yeah.

Speaker 3 Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 3 She plays her mobile legends on it. She likes to get on her Instagram.
You know, kid stuff. Did you ever? Okay, this is a good question for your generation.
Did you watch Quibi?

Speaker 3 Do you know what Quibi is? No. That says everything you need to know know of why they went bankrupt.
Yeah. Do you know what they are? I just did this.
That thing I did was like a Quibi thing. Oh, was?

Speaker 3 Yeah. They're just bankrupt, right? They're done.
So it's not going to come out the thing I did?

Speaker 3 I mean, it's over. I mean, the Quibi is dissolved.
Like, it's going to be. I mean, I don't, I think that the app is still running, but I mean, they're leveling up.
Bill Burr. Bill Burr.
Who's that?

Speaker 3 He's... You should know.
It's like me not knowing who Ben Bong is.

Speaker 3 Ben Fong? Ben Bong. I call Jen.
That's Ken Jong, but we call him Ben Bong.

Speaker 3 That's like me not knowing Ben Bong. Ken Jong's got more shows on television than anybody I've ever seen.
He's hosting a new show. Yeah.

Speaker 3 Does I want to talk about it?

Speaker 3 I'll talk about it in a second, but no, but I'm really concerned now because Bilber

Speaker 3 has a sketch show on Quibi. Mm-hmm.
And then a bunch of us did the sketch show. Yeah.
So that's not going to come out then. Maybe.
I mean, Quibi is, to my understanding, Quibi is no more.

Speaker 3 Can we talk about you going to Zion or no? I'm not going to Zion. Where are you going? Zion is in the movie The Matrix, correct? Zion, the National Forest.
Is that where we're going?

Speaker 3 Oh, I didn't know. How do you not know where you're going? I think we're going to go to the desert.
Zion is in the desert.

Speaker 3 Joshua Tree.

Speaker 3 Joshua Tree and Zion aren't the same thing. Are they close?

Speaker 3 No.

Speaker 3 We're going to Zion instead of Joshua Tree?

Speaker 6 I just know we're going to the desert.

Speaker 3 See? This family.

Speaker 3 Wait, wait, when I said said Zion,

Speaker 3 when he just said Zion, you agreed with him? She just said Josh. You know, get your mic to the mouth.

Speaker 3 You agreed with him. Did you understand what he was saying?

Speaker 6 I thought Zion was in Joshua Tree.

Speaker 3 Yeah, but Zion is not.

Speaker 6 So we're going to Joshua Tree.

Speaker 3 Right. So we're not going to Zion.

Speaker 3 Yeah.

Speaker 3 Why are you laughing?

Speaker 3 This poor girl hasn't gotten me asleep for days. So you're going to Zion or Joshua Tree? Where are you going? Joshua Tree.
I thought you said Zion. George, didn't you say Zion?

Speaker 3 I said J-Tree. He said what? J-Tree.

Speaker 3 Jewish tree? No, Joshua Tree. Oh, okay.
Well, Josh could be a Jew. It's a Jewish.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I guess it could be true.
Yeah. So you're going to go to Joshua Tree, which is in California.

Speaker 3 Zion is in Utah. Two different, completely different places.
A five-hour difference. Yeah, I'm not going.
If I were going to Utah, I would not be going. It's beautiful out there, but...

Speaker 3 Sure, it sounds beautiful with the lakes and all that stuff, but I'm not going. The Utah Lakes? Whatever.
Yeah. I'm not going to go no.
So what are you going to Joshua Tree for? Ah, wow.

Speaker 3 Well, Well, that's an interesting question. It's there to connect with spirituality and the natures.
Two things you don't do. And I'm trying.
And I'm going to tell you something right now.

Speaker 3 There's a peaceful,

Speaker 3 there's a peaceful feeling out there, man. There's a peaceful feeling.
There's nothing going on. Peace, feeling.
Peace.

Speaker 3 Wait a minute.

Speaker 3 You don't know. Are you guys staying in the glamping thing? You're doing like a glamping hut? Yeah.

Speaker 3 We always stay in a trailer house out there, and there's always Filipino games we play, like Chiki Cha, you know, and

Speaker 3 it's pretty pretty much Chiki Cha and then eating. What's Chiki Cha? I don't even understand it, but it's a game where you have to get rid of all your cards.
Can you explain it?

Speaker 6 I'm not really good at Chiki Cha. Titababi's good, so I don't know how to explain it better.

Speaker 3 I'm pretty good at it. Chicki Cha.
I'm trying to go into the fucking details of how complicated. How do you know the fans don't want to know what Chiki Chaw is? Okay, bakery chick.

Speaker 3 Okay, Chiki Cha is this, alright? Everyone goes. By the way, it inherently sounds like a racist card game name.
What do I mean? Chicki Chaw? Get down in that hole, Chiki Cha.

Speaker 3 What are you guys playing? Chicki Chow? Chow?

Speaker 3 Chasing each other around a desert Chicki Chow. Look what I did.
I hung about 15 Chicki Chaws in that one tree.

Speaker 3 Right? You see the Chicki Chaw came to town. We gonna kick him out.
Yeah.

Speaker 3 But yeah, it's a card game. And then what else do I do? What I'm gonna bring my is, I'm gonna bring my new Game Boy and probably start a new farm on Stardew Valley.

Speaker 3 To really connect with nature, the Game Boy out there. Do you mean Game Boy, Nintendo's Game Boy, is back? Not Game Boy, Switch.
Oh.

Speaker 3 Yeah, Nintendo's worth that. 40 years difference of games.

Speaker 3 Whatever. I miss Game Boy.
I love Game Boy, yeah. But I'm going to bring my Switch out there, and then there's going to be a lot of arguing.
Yeah. About, come on, Bob, let's go on the fucking trail.

Speaker 3 Not going to happen. I have to go.
But then it's like, I complain a lot. How many people are going in total?

Speaker 3 Ten. Ten.
Ten?

Speaker 3 Yeah.

Speaker 3 Okay.

Speaker 6 But

Speaker 6 the four of us is going to stay in one house and then the other.

Speaker 3 Yeah. Wait, who's four? Me, you, Kalila.
And me.

Speaker 6 Roger Matas but Atikalaila is gonna sleep with Atikawinda

Speaker 3 So I'm sleeping by myself.

Speaker 6 Yeah, why because Atikawinda doesn't have Renzo

Speaker 3 the dog no, yeah, yeah, Renzo the dog her partner. Yeah, who is a dog which is sad.
It's called Beastiality And I'm not for it. Me neither.
Yeah, yeah, but they rub coochies together. It's fun

Speaker 3 Don't you want to sleep alone? Yeah. I love sleeping alone.
I do. I hate sleeping in the same room.
I'm sitting on the road and like finally like, in your own hotel by yourself. Oh, my God.

Speaker 3 Oh, my God, dude. And I have, like, I put candy on the fucking bed.
You know what? I just talked to somebody about this today about eating in bed. Yeah.
Eating in bed is my favorite thing on earth.

Speaker 3 I'll go to some convenience store and I'll get like fruits and candy. Yeah.
And some breads. Yep.
And I'll just lay them all over the bed. Yeah.
I'll sit in Indian style. I'll turn on some garlic.

Speaker 3 Native American style. My bad.
Latinx. I said

Speaker 3 Latinx style. Latinx style.
Sure. And I, um, it's, I just, crumbs all over the bed, you know, peanut butter.
I don't give a fuck, right? Yeah. And I wake up with just shit on my face.

Speaker 3 You know what I mean? And sometimes I'll sleep at nine in the morning. You'll sleep, you'll go to bed at nine in the morning.
Yeah, yeah. Well, they got the blackout curtains.
It's the best.

Speaker 3 Do you have blackout curtains in your room at home?

Speaker 3 Nah, we got,

Speaker 3 I don't know what it is, but light seeps through. It drives me crazy.
You know what you can do?

Speaker 3 For like $3 on Amazon, you can buy the stuff that we've got here in the studio and you put it on the windows. It's just black.
It doesn't look good, though.

Speaker 3 No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

Speaker 3 No, no, no, no, no, no, you. It's only, you only covers up windows.

Speaker 3 It doesn't look good, though, on the windows. Oh, who cares? And the windows that I have

Speaker 3 is the wall window. Oh.
The whole wall is a window. Oh.

Speaker 3 It's a whole thing. Oh, that's a nightmare.

Speaker 3 We have a button that you press and it comes out.

Speaker 3 When it gets stuck, that'll be fun for you to deal with. I already replaced it twice.

Speaker 3 It gets unraveled. Right.
And then you have to... Oh, it's the worst.
So we're getting the house painted right now.

Speaker 3 Parts of the place inside the house. And I painted a lot when we first moved in.
I did a lot of handiwork. But then at some point, you're like, I can't.
I don't want to. It's way too hard.

Speaker 3 Too much room to paint. And the guy today, I go,

Speaker 3 he's cleaning out a brush.

Speaker 3 And I go, oh,

Speaker 3 the hose is right there. Yeah.
And he goes, the what?

Speaker 3 I go, the hose is right there because he was using like cups of water. Yeah.
And he goes, oh, the hose? Oh, okay, okay. And then he goes, I'm not kidding.
I'm not making this up. Yeah.

Speaker 3 I'm saying to him. Just tell me he's Mexican.
Huh?

Speaker 3 Huh? Is he Mexican? He's Korean.

Speaker 3 That's what he sounds like. Yeah.
Okay, okay. Okay, okay.

Speaker 3 Yeah, a little Korean guy.

Speaker 3 And

Speaker 3 I think he knows that I'm saying, use the hose to clean your brushes and stuff on the side of the house. All good.
Don't use cups of water.

Speaker 3 He goes, gets the hose. I go back.
I'm putting the dog in the other room room and giving her food. And as I pass the window, I see him.
He's drinking out of the hose.

Speaker 3 I'm not kidding. So that's what he thought you meant? I think so.
Yeah. He told me he didn't even want to do it.
He was just like,

Speaker 3 he says to the other guy, he goes, he made me drink out of the hose.

Speaker 3 Yeah. I think maybe he was still cleaning, but had a drink.
But then I was like, no, you guys can have water in here. I gave them bottles of water and Gatorade.
Real

Speaker 3 good water. Yeah, I gave them fucking, I gave them good water and Gatorade.
What if they use that for the paint thing?

Speaker 3 He probably did. But when he was drinking the water, and then I kind of looked at him, and you know, when you make eye contact, and he's watching me while he's drinking? Yeah.

Speaker 3 And I stopped and I was like, oh, fuck. And I had to keep moving because I didn't want to make another conversation out of it.
So now

Speaker 3 I'm afraid that he thinks I was making him drink hose water. Oh.

Speaker 3 And then it's like he's going to be on like Republicans voters against Trump and do a video. He's like, I was painting his house right out there.
The news.

Speaker 3 The news is going to be out front of my house. Yeah, I'm going to vote for KTLA.

Speaker 3 Channel 9 news. We're here outside of Andrew Santino's house.

Speaker 3 Israel, tell us what happened. Well, the man, the orange head man,

Speaker 3 he's definitely a Trump spot.

Speaker 3 He's orange like Trump.

Speaker 3 He's a bad guy. He made me drink hose water.
By the way, hose water is fine to drink. It's not.
Yes, it is. Can I tell you something that happened? And you haven't noticed it yet.

Speaker 3 But so we've had construction inside our house all week. I know.
We have to barricade our doors. We have to go out.

Speaker 3 We don't cross with them. Sure.

Speaker 3 But at nights when they leave, I can go out into the living room and look at their handiwork. And some fucker, I don't know who,

Speaker 3 had

Speaker 3 where he was eating hash browns from like McDonald's. Oh, I love those.
I know. But

Speaker 3 he spilled it. And there's now a hash brown.
In the house. You haven't seen it? No.

Speaker 3 And it's been there for like a week and a half. Well, how come you don't pick it up? I refuse to.

Speaker 3 Right. Whose job is it? The Mexican guy.
Rudy. Oh, okay.

Speaker 3 No, the guy that dropped it. Right.

Speaker 3 And it's now decaying. Why don't you say something? I don't even know whose hash brown it is.
Do you know how to say, can you clean up your hash brown?

Speaker 3 No, I don't even know how to say that in Hispanic language. Well, let's find out because I just got the new translator app on my iPhone.
Let's try. And let's see.
I wanted to say,

Speaker 3 can you pick up the hash brown on the floor, please?

Speaker 3 Okay, here we go. Let's hear what it is.
In Spanish, it is.

Speaker 3 Wow. Wow.
Hey, Andres, is that? We have a resident in here, a resident B. Is that real?

Speaker 3 Everything except for the hash brown. What is hash brown?

Speaker 3 We don't have that word.

Speaker 3 That's why she said she said hash. She said hash brown.
She said hash maron. Yeah.
What's maron? Nothing.

Speaker 3 No, she was saying hash brown. That's what she said.
She's just pronouncing it in Spanish.

Speaker 3 So, So what did she say? Can you pick up the

Speaker 3 blank from the floor?

Speaker 3 Hashmaron. Yeah, what's hashmaron? You're Spanish, maybe in Mexican it means hash brown.

Speaker 3 You're Spanish, maybe in Mexican it means hash brown.

Speaker 3 Maybe.

Speaker 3 No, but I'm just saying, you know, I know they say. Spain, Spanish, Mexico, Spanish, different, correct.
That they might have different slang words. I'm agreeing with you.

Speaker 3 So maybe you're wrong, Andres. Maybe Hashmaron does mean...
Yeah. Yes.
Yes, you're right.

Speaker 3 How about this, dude? why don't you go back to spain whoa go back no

Speaker 3 oh my god come back too we want you to come back but go back to spain and maybe fucking get get get all the scholars together yeah get them and fucking create a word for hash brown yeah you really should you guys not have no hash browns in fucking spain fuck face are there hash browns call them fries fries they're not fries fries they're not fries well yes don't make them like that so you think so everything that's fried potato is a fry Is a fry?

Speaker 3 What about tater tots? You guys have tater tots? No, we don't have tater tots. Oh, fuck you.

Speaker 3 What a dumb country. All right, so no, what an uninventive country.
Yeah. You know what I mean? They look at a potato.
Fry. Fry.

Speaker 3 Everything is fries.

Speaker 3 That's it. You want to bake it? No, fry.
Fry? Yeah. What do you call baked potato? Fuck face? Patata sala.
Patata sala. Patata.
Wait a minute, for real. You don't have tater tots? We don't.

Speaker 3 You've had them here in the United States. Yes.
Do you have curly fries?

Speaker 3 No, no, no. Do you have them? Wait a minute.
No, no, no. Do you have them, but you refuse to create a name for them?

Speaker 3 Like they cut it into a, like they know how to make it, right? And they just go, there it is.

Speaker 3 Fries. Fries.
So the kind of fries that you have, right? Yeah. Are they thin like McDonald's or are they steak fries? Right.
We have them both. Okay.
Oh, you're bragging now. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 3 Now you're getting old. Oh, we have them both.
Fuck you. We all have territories.
We We have words all over our clothes. Yeah.

Speaker 3 Andres, do you guys have shoestring fries?

Speaker 3 Do you know what that is? I do. They're super, super thin.
Yes, we do. You do.
What do you call those? We call them patata paja. Patata paja.
What is paja?

Speaker 3 Straw. Oh, they do have

Speaker 3 straw fries. Straw fries.
Straw fries. Okay.
So that does work. All right, so, but but the no tater tot thing and no curly fries really uh grinds my gears, bud.

Speaker 3 I think that's annoying that you don't have that. They have that kind of stuff in the Philippines, right?

Speaker 6 We don't have Tater Talk.

Speaker 3 It's sad.

Speaker 3 But I think in their case, you know,

Speaker 3 they have like fried frog leg.

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Speaker 3 Hydro. I caught it.
You? They gave me one. I got one at the house.
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Speaker 4 Chronic spontaneous urticaria, or chronic hives with no known cause. It's so unpredictable.

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Speaker 3 What do you guys even eat out there?

Speaker 3 Balut. You know what balut is? Baluga? Whale? Balut.
Balut. Balut.
You know what it is? No. I'm going to show you what it is, and it's going to freak you out.
How do you spell it?

Speaker 6 B-A-L-U-T.

Speaker 3 Baluto. Yeah.
So basically, what it is, it's a duck egg.

Speaker 3 Okay? Mm-hmm. But you know how, like, in America.
We have duck eggs here. I know.
But when we eat duck eggs, right?

Speaker 3 We don't eat it, you know what I mean, eight months

Speaker 3 into its, you know, I mean, cycle. Oh, it's an it's an aborted duck egg.
Pretty much. Like there's a baby in there, and they are eating it early.
Yes.

Speaker 3 Right? So I'm going to show you what they look like. So when you open it up, right?

Speaker 3 It's a duck. It's a baby duck.
It's a baby duck, but it's a street food. Yeah.
It's like what we would have, like, you know,

Speaker 3 and you, and you bite into the duck?

Speaker 3 But it's the head and everything. Oh, yeah, so they do this.
Oh, no, no.

Speaker 3 I'm disgracing.

Speaker 3 I know that's what they do don't do that I'm gonna throw up I don't know I know but but that's what you know yeah

Speaker 3 oh my god you do that yeah yeah wait there the bones in there but it's still soft oh

Speaker 3 feathers feathers feathers so you're like

Speaker 3 to pick the feathers out of your mouth right

Speaker 3 so when you eat the balut right you can literally taste the feathers Yeah. Oh my god.

Speaker 3 Right. And then you probably crunch down.

Speaker 3 That was the eyeball. Oh.

Speaker 3 yeah. Can you taste? You can take it.
Well, but what about, okay, so the internal organs are not fully grown? Yeah, it's not. Yeah, yeah.
But you put like sauce in it. Oh, well, that makes it better.

Speaker 3 That makes that better. You put sauce in it.
Yeah, eating babies. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 3 That's crazy. What's the sauce?

Speaker 3 Vinegar.

Speaker 3 And you put like... Baby duck juice.

Speaker 3 What we do is we take the baby duck,

Speaker 3 grind it. Vinegar and what?

Speaker 3 Vinegar and soy sauce. Vinegar and soy sauce.

Speaker 3 Yeah. Yiks.
Jesus Christ. Have you eaten Balut? Are you out of your mind? No.
I won't do it. When we go there, I go, hey, let's try Balut.
And no one in the car would ever...

Speaker 3 They're not, everyone's, even them, the Filipinos are like, ah. Because they've all tried it, though.
Yeah.

Speaker 3 Like, when's the first time? Dude, when you're a kid, does everybody eat it when you're a kid? Yeah. Like as a snack?

Speaker 6 Yeah, everyone's excited about it.

Speaker 3 When you're young. Yeah, when you're young.
When you get older, nobody, like, your mom doesn't eat it. Yeah, no.
No. Well, what's the excitement, though? It's like boba.

Speaker 3 It's not like boba. Yeah, because when you, when it, you know, when boba ball pops, it's the same as a little duck head from a baluta.
A duck skull with brain in it.

Speaker 3 But they pretend that it's like boba. Yeah.
They don't think it's a duck head. What do you, like, what do you think when you eat it? Do you think it's a little baby duck?

Speaker 6 No, we just see it as like an egg.

Speaker 3 Yeah, you think it's an egg. Yeah.
All right, so if I had a balut right now and you were hungry, you would eat it? Yeah.

Speaker 6 Oh, wow. The juice in it is really good.

Speaker 3 Oh, my God, dude. Oh, my God.
But is it good without all the stuff? Yeah.

Speaker 3 So it's good on its own. Because I feel the same way about, like, you don't like, I bet you you don't like oysters.
Oh, I love oysters. Oh, you do? I ought to your fucking mind.
Okay, okay.

Speaker 3 We've got oysters together. Do you eat oysters without anything on it? Yes, I can bet you that, too.
Because some people,

Speaker 3 some people have to have

Speaker 3 Tabasco and

Speaker 3 horseradish and all that stuff. You can just go,

Speaker 3 I can do that. And have I been known to put Tabasco? Yeah.
I mean, everybody does. Everybody does.
But I'm saying, but you like them raw, too. I love anything raw in that way.

Speaker 3 Really? Yeah. Octopus?

Speaker 3 Well, I won't eat octopus as that one documentary, but I used to eat octopus. What documentary? My octopus teacher.
Someone. What is that? What is it? You have to watch it.

Speaker 3 My octopus teacher? Yeah, it's on that floor. You see it? Yeah.
Yeah. What is it? Oh, my God, dude.
It'll break your fucking heart. I'm already breaking.

Speaker 3 So it's like this South African,

Speaker 3 I guess he's a video journalist. Like he does like natural geographic shit, you know what I mean? In the tundra.
And he's been doing that all his life, and he got sick and tired of it.

Speaker 3 So he went home, he decided to quit and live in his house that he grew up in, which is right on the coast of South Africa.

Speaker 3 And so what he would do every day is go in the water and he had equipment, but he would go free diving. But he would, and he would film things, you know what I mean? Like under our sea creatures.

Speaker 3 Sure.

Speaker 3 But one day he runs across a little octopus and um

Speaker 3 at first like octopus would see him because he'd be just this white man floating in there right and it would scurry away but eventually what happened is is the octopus recognizes him and pull out his hand and shake his hand no way yeah

Speaker 3 and then they became friends

Speaker 3 and they would and the octopus would come out of its little hole

Speaker 3 and

Speaker 3 go onto the guy's chest and just sleep there. Just cut it out.
No, I'm kidding you. I'm not kidding you.
They were friends, right? Yeah. And the octopus would get excited to see him.

Speaker 3 So it has that kind of

Speaker 3 sentient, you know.

Speaker 3 It's got an understanding.

Speaker 3 How do you know? How does it get excited? Like all of its arms start waving?

Speaker 3 That's how it gets excited. And they would play, too.
They would tag, tag, and they would swim around and stop it. Yeah, and play around and stuff.
Really? Yeah. And then...

Speaker 3 Are those arms or legs? And then

Speaker 3 I have to say, there's a scene where.

Speaker 3 He has sex with the octopus. No, no, no.
Nope. A shark comes along

Speaker 3 to hunt the fucking octopus when he's already befriended it. And octopus, the shark

Speaker 3 bites the octopus in the arm, rips an arm, and the dude's just filming. Yeah.
Well, he's like a fuckface. But he has seven more.

Speaker 3 You lose one arm, you got seven more arms, bud. It does grow back.
Yeah. So it's not that big of a deal.

Speaker 3 Can you imagine if your dick fell off, you just got a new one sometimes?

Speaker 3 You're like, oh, it's June. Or like a black one grew.
Well, that'd be cool.

Speaker 3 Like you lost your yellow, my little yellow one. And a black one got a big, like.
But then every year you lose that. You never know what you're going to get next year.
Right, right.

Speaker 3 So you've got to really kind of get. You can get one like that's

Speaker 3 really dark Indian style. Or crooked.
All right. Or like a total L.
Have you ever seen those, like the L shapes? Or like one like yours, just like completely just white. That's mine.
Yeah.

Speaker 3 And that's how it is, too. Little chodi chode, just really round.
What if it cuts off and all of a sudden you get a vagina? Oh, that would be a worst. That's what you got for every year.

Speaker 3 It's one whole year with a vagina.

Speaker 3 Or then it's a butthole. That would do.
What if it's two butthoho? You have two sticks in it. You would.

Speaker 3 If I, dude, if I, if I lost my penis and a vagina grew back,

Speaker 3 I might fuck a couple of dudes. You'd be a whore.
No, I just want to see what it feels. Not you.

Speaker 3 You'd let me have sex with you. No, not you.
It'd be too funny. You wouldn't let me have sex.
No, you'd be so angry. But what if I...
I would be like, I'd be like, dude, slow down.

Speaker 3 I would choke you out. I know.
But I could just see you just look at me just with...

Speaker 3 Yeah. And just

Speaker 3 I would just be like,

Speaker 3 dude, slow down. Right?

Speaker 3 It hurts. Yeah.
Right?

Speaker 3 And then it would be the weirdest if I like came.

Speaker 3 Right? Imagine you're pumping me, right? Yeah. And I'm like, well, whoa, Andrew, Andrew.

Speaker 3 Oh.

Speaker 3 And I'd just go, yes, yay. And I'd walk away.
And then I'd go, and I'd be like, no, can you get me a warm towel? And like, I'll see you at the podcast at four. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 3 And then I'd have to make that walk to the bathroom, take the towel, warm it, and wash my badge.

Speaker 3 That'd be so sad. That would never happen.
If I had a vagina.

Speaker 3 Who's the first guy you'd have sex with?

Speaker 3 In the building?

Speaker 3 No.

Speaker 3 In the world. Because the building.

Speaker 3 No, who would it be in the building? Neandre or George? If I had to pick one guy in the building, it would be Andreas. Why?

Speaker 3 Are you on here? Do you think it's you? You're the last one, George, you piece of shit. You're the last one, George.
You know how

Speaker 3 shame? The shame.

Speaker 3 His dick inside his flesh. He's like.
Inside me. Yeah.

Speaker 3 Right, right?

Speaker 3 I just came. You know what I mean? Oh.

Speaker 3 And he doesn't even do it in the hole. It's like on the lips.

Speaker 3 George, you missed. You missed.

Speaker 3 Andreas. Andreas because

Speaker 3 he's cute. He's very cute.
Yeah. No, he's really cute.
Little dick. Medium.
Probably little. I saw it.
Medium. Medium.
Yeah. Yeah, he would probably be really respectful in there.

Speaker 3 He's like, are you finished yet? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 3 He'd make sure that you got yours. But you know what? Probably in the world, I would probably try to go to...
Like one celebrity. Yeah.
I would probably try to... Any of an Avenger, probably.
Oh.

Speaker 3 Yeah, Hamsworth.

Speaker 3 Chris.

Speaker 3 Yeah. Pine? I love Chris Pine.
I would let Chris Pine do it. Yeah.
Is Chris Evans also in the air? Chris Evans, yeah.

Speaker 3 Chris Pine isn't in the Avengers movies.

Speaker 3 I don't know the difference between those two guys.

Speaker 3 Well, Chris Pine is

Speaker 3 Star Trek. Right, I don't know.
Yeah. But Chris Evans and Chris Pine to me seem like they're the same guy.
Yeah, they're not. Nope.
No. But they are to me.

Speaker 3 And I would fuck Chris Pine over Chris Evans. Chris Pine over Chris Evans.
Yeah.

Speaker 3 Yeah. Okay.
Chris Pratt. Chris Pratt's good looking too.
Yeah. But he's more of a comedian.
I don't know. Probably not.
He's funny, too funny. Too funny for me.
You want someone serious? Tom Hardy.

Speaker 3 Tom Hardy is my guy.

Speaker 3 that's literally my guy i let him come come inside me yeah yeah yeah or charlie hunnam yeah now if you had a vagina would you let me fuck you

Speaker 3 i would even if i had a vagina i'd still i would still be fucking you

Speaker 3 slamming it

Speaker 3 yeah no it'd be too it'd be it'd be too hard with you in the building if i had a vagina i would do i guess i'd let andres go first as well yeah yeah and then you and then obviously

Speaker 3 obviously george last but that would be, you would have a stopwatch. With George? Yeah.
Yeah.

Speaker 3 You get three minutes. Max.
Once this goes off, I'm going to push you off. Punch him in the face.
I would punch him right in the face. I wouldn't stock you, right? You got to wear a condom.

Speaker 3 Yeah, with George, for sure. Everyone else, no condom.
Yeah, because George is a dirty, dirty boy. Yeah.
You got to wear gloves. Yep.
Yeah. Coronavirus mask.

Speaker 3 I want him in a suit. I want him in a hazmat suit.
Yeah. With a little opening to put out his little

Speaker 3 pee-pee through the hole. Yeah, it would be difficult.
Yeah, but you would tape it. Film it? Yeah, because it would be like, I would do it just so that it's more of an acting job.
It's a story.

Speaker 3 Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's good for the pod.
It's work. Yeah, it's work.
It's work.

Speaker 3 I'm not getting anything out of this. Right.
Right. It's a full job.
That's a full-time job. Yeah, yeah.
Dealing with it.

Speaker 3 Yeah, we're doing this for a project.

Speaker 3 But it wouldn't be like for his any satisfaction. How about this? Andres? Yeah.
If you had a vagina, who's the first guy in here you'd have sex with?

Speaker 3 Oof.

Speaker 3 That's uh, don't sound so enthusiastic. Yeah,

Speaker 3 probably you, Andrew. Thank you.
Yeah, who's second? Bobby. Okay.
George.

Speaker 3 The best part about this game is: I'm not even.

Speaker 3 We don't even ask George. He doesn't even get to be a part of it.

Speaker 3 He's in last place in the game that he can't play. I want to know what George is thinking.
All right, go, George. George, if you had a vagina, who would you have had sex with first? In this room.

Speaker 3 In this room.

Speaker 3 I go with you, Bobby. There's a curiosity.
I knew he's such a kiss ass. I knew he was going to say you.
And you know what? That feels good. It's fake.
It's not fake.

Speaker 3 You know he would go with Andres first.

Speaker 3 Everybody wants the fancy beat. He's not intimidated by me.
Even yesterday, I was playing video games, right? And he comes in the garage, and he always

Speaker 3 feels what my mood's going to be. Why do you play video games in the garage?

Speaker 3 That's where all the console is and stuff. Oh.
Where the podcast is. You haven't been over, huh? Where do the cars go?

Speaker 3 In the truck, right.

Speaker 3 Not in the garage. Yeah, yeah.
But the podcast is in the garage. I didn't know.
Yeah, I haven't been to the house. I've got air conditioning in the middle.
I haven't been to the house.

Speaker 3 Pandemic's been happening.

Speaker 3 I understand. So yesterday I was playing games, and I could hear him squeak open the door, right?

Speaker 3 Yeah. And I could see him tiptoe around.

Speaker 3 Babby.

Speaker 3 He doesn't say hi. He'll just look to see what my mood is.
Right.

Speaker 3 He still is intimidated by me a little bit. After all these years.
Yeah. How many? Five has it been? Six? You've worked together? Way longer than that now.
Probably eight years.

Speaker 3 Wow. And he still just can't get the manhood up together to like approach me.
He's never raised his voice at me. He's never

Speaker 3 really put his foot down. Why do you think that is?

Speaker 3 That's why he works with me. Right.

Speaker 3 I think it's because he's a survivor and he gets certain people. How about you? He doesn't talk back to you.

Speaker 3 No, no, no, no. But also, also, my rapport with him is different than you.

Speaker 3 What do you mean?

Speaker 3 I treat him a little bit more human than you do.

Speaker 3 I treat him more like a person.

Speaker 3 And you treat him more like

Speaker 3 an object.

Speaker 3 No. Yeah.
No, because I'm going to say something about George. Yep.

Speaker 3 That I believe that everything happens for a reason.

Speaker 3 I believe you meet certain people in certain times.

Speaker 3 I believe that. And I believe that I was meant to meet George.

Speaker 3 I believe that he has...

Speaker 3 a lot to do with my recent successes in in my career. I don't know about that, but okay.
I can't believe that. Okay.
I'm not going to give him that kind of credit. I am.
Okay.

Speaker 3 And I believe that he's good with Kalila. He's good with my family and Jules.
She doesn't like him. I know she doesn't.
Yeah.

Speaker 3 I know you don't. And he freaked me out.
And I will never let him in fully. Right.
Right? Yeah. Because when you let people like that in, they take advantage of you.
They take all of it.

Speaker 3 They take all of it. You wake up one day and you're in the Mojave Desert with an iPhone in your chest underneath a gazebo.
But that's the nicest thing I'll ever say about him. Yeah.

Speaker 3 He'll never get that again from me. We'll have to cut that from the pod, Andres.

Speaker 3 We don't even leave that in.

Speaker 3 No, but I really do believe that. I think that he,

Speaker 3 I trust him,

Speaker 3 like, thoroughly. No, look, but you and I's relationship is.
Does that feel good or no? No, don't give up. George, that's enough.
That's enough. What? Thanks, Bobby.
He loves me. I love you, too.

Speaker 3 See, that's what I'm saying. I know, I know.
Yeah, yeah. Him and I, but we're never, just, we're going to stay the same, okay?

Speaker 3 You're still my first.

Speaker 3 See, it works every time.

Speaker 3 It works every time. He's such a sellout.
George is such a sellout. He's a survivor.
I know he is. He really is.
He's a winner, dude. He's a winner.
He really is.

Speaker 3 And like, he married an Asian woman just because of you. You know that, right? Well, he had zero intentions on

Speaker 3 an A. Well, the honest truth is this.

Speaker 3 You know what the true story is?

Speaker 3 Of how they met?

Speaker 3 This is going to make you laugh.

Speaker 3 So, Kalila's best friend growing up

Speaker 3 is a girl. I'm not going to say, I want to just change her name because I want to put her into it.
Let's just call her Veronica.

Speaker 3 Give me a better one.

Speaker 3 Yeah.

Speaker 3 Jamie. Love it.
Okay, thank you. And so

Speaker 3 Jamie now is married and has a kid. Sure.

Speaker 3 But Jamie

Speaker 3 was a girl that was hanging out with all of us, you know what I mean, before when she was single. Right.
Is Jamie white? What? Is she white? She's Korean. Korean.
Another one. So Jamie

Speaker 3 was around and she was free, you know, in many ways. Hippy-dippy.
A little bit.

Speaker 3 Fun. Fun.
Fun. And George fell in love with her.
Seriously? Yeah. Are you being serious? Yeah.
Like, actually, was like, I love this girl. Yes.
Wow.

Speaker 3 And he

Speaker 3 would go as far as buying her gifts and stuff. What kind of gifts? I don't know.
What kind of gifts, George?

Speaker 3 I didn't buy her gifts. He bought her gifts.
Dinner?

Speaker 3 I brought her eggs from my chickens. Right, right.

Speaker 3 Boatu eggs?

Speaker 3 You know you have a farm, right?

Speaker 3 I mean, it doesn't surprise me. You know what I mean? He has a farm.
Right. And he has his chicken.
He's Dwight Schroot. He is Dwight from the office.
Right. And

Speaker 3 he did everything he could. Yeah.

Speaker 3 And she completely rejected him. Wow.

Speaker 3 Not even like a, I'll let you take me out on a date. Nothing.
Wow. And it broke him.

Speaker 3 It broke his heart. He went deep off the edge.
Yes. And then he found another one.
Another Korean. Yeah.
Right.

Speaker 3 Where do you find him? Koreatown?

Speaker 3 But he, can I say something about his wife? She really does love him. He loves her.

Speaker 3 I would hope so.

Speaker 3 They're married. It's real.

Speaker 3 Do you think it's...

Speaker 3 Do you think he likes his wife as much as he liked that Jamie?

Speaker 3 You sure?

Speaker 3 More. George, Jamie's here to say hi.

Speaker 3 What if we brought out Jamie no because she's she's up she's is she going with us? Yeah to the desert who she is Yeah, is George going to the desert? No

Speaker 3 Thank God that'd have been bad, huh? We try not to mix the two. I get it.
Yeah, yeah, yeah I get it, but so Jamie

Speaker 3 is in the past and now George is happily married right George but he has a thing with Koreans I think why why is it George? I mean look at he's look look he wanted you first. He wanted you first.

Speaker 3 He wanted me first right he works with a Korean and when I went into Maker when I met him a long long time ago ago, right? He was the only guy to really outwardly. He was like this guy.

Speaker 3 We had 20 producers in a room. Right.

Speaker 3 I'm not kidding. No, I know.

Speaker 3 And

Speaker 3 the person that owns the company goes, all right, so what producers want to work with?

Speaker 3 That's George in the back.

Speaker 3 Me!

Speaker 3 And I go, who the fuck is that country nerd? Yeah. Right? That's George's new.

Speaker 3 I go, no, fuck him. Oh, you wrote him off.
Yeah, in the beginning, I I would write you off in the beginning, right?

Speaker 3 Oh, completely. You brought my assistant into a writer's room and kicked me out once.
I remember that.

Speaker 3 Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think that's it.
That's funny as shit.

Speaker 3 But you know what I realized through time is I go, you know what? This guy really believes in me. Yeah.

Speaker 3 And

Speaker 3 I feel bad because I treat him like shit. No, you don't.
I did. You did pass then, but now you don't.
No, now he got in. Who else is? He works for me at Tiger Belly.
He's my producer there.

Speaker 3 He's my producer here.

Speaker 3 And he does a great job.

Speaker 3 He's an okay job.

Speaker 3 He could do a better job. Yeah, yeah.
But he is somebody that is a part of the family. He is.
Yeah. I love him.

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Speaker 3 i gotta tell you i i like george just fine i lean much more towards andres something about that little guy that i love the most

Speaker 3 he just he's got the flavor that i like i know you do i don't trust white people and that's part of it Yeah, and I don't trust George as much because he's white. And Andres, I know he's trustworthy.

Speaker 3 And even if Andres backstabbed me,

Speaker 3 he's Spanish, they would do it in a cool way. With care.
With care. See?

Speaker 3 The Spaniards have pride in the way they do things.

Speaker 3 They're smooth. They're silky.

Speaker 3 Their culture embodies something about

Speaker 3 the trickery is at least beautiful, right? Yeah. Like if me and Andres were dating, if he cheated on me,

Speaker 3 I know he would, he would have a, the way he would tell me about it would be smooth and suave. Ah.
You know? Like, how would we do it? I met someone else, you know, but.

Speaker 3 Yeah.

Speaker 3 I'll get out of you. Yeah.
All right.

Speaker 3 Andrew? Well, I have.

Speaker 3 Hey, hey, hey, man.

Speaker 3 I've been calling you. I've been calling you.
Yes.

Speaker 3 How come you ever call me back? I have to tell you something. What is it? I met someone new.
No.

Speaker 3 But... My love for you does not waver.
No.

Speaker 3 I love for you to here, to the moon,

Speaker 3 and back yeah this new person in my life yeah he is a fleeting shooting star

Speaker 3 what you mean the world to me

Speaker 3 yeah but i just want to sleep with him for a little while

Speaker 3 and when i am done with this trash man person yeah back to the love of my life you know the song you know the song if a bird if you let a bird from a cage and let it free

Speaker 3 if it's a love it will come back. You notice? Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 3 No, that's really good, dude. That's you to me.
It's so good. It's sweet.
He's a sweetheart. Dude, I want you to play that guy in a movie, dude.

Speaker 3 That's really good. The accent's terrible.
Is the accent really, really bad? No, but there's something that's clear and doughy about it. Your eyes,

Speaker 3 it really becomes doughy and it gets watery and really just sweet. Why can't we go back to character-driven movies like that where they're just so just like dumb and fun?

Speaker 3 My buddy and I said that today because I said,

Speaker 3 like,

Speaker 3 Billy Madison and Happy Gilmore were both such hits because they were such dumb characters. Yeah.
But you loved, you were along for the ride. A hockey player is going to make it on the PGA.

Speaker 3 It's like, no way. But I love that like those movies like that in our, when, you know, we were coming up was like, it didn't matter that it was insane.
Yeah.

Speaker 3 Nobody cares that a 28-year-old guy cannot go back to elementary school. It doesn't matter.
It was funny. They don't, everything now has to be rooted in some kind of reality.

Speaker 3 It's a reality and it's played real. Everything is played real.
Real. Like, when's the last time you saw a comedy movie where the fantasy was like that? Where it's just so dumb.
How about you guys?

Speaker 3 Did you hear anything? When's the last time you saw a comedy that the fantasy was ridiculous like that, but you just bought in?

Speaker 3 Well, it's also how they play it. Like

Speaker 3 Steve Corell, right?

Speaker 3 Yeah. In

Speaker 3 Fakerman. Okay.
Right? That character that he plays. But that was a whole movie about people from that time period.
I know, but that character

Speaker 3 is so exaggerated. Brick.
Right. And so dumb almost, that character.
Yeah. Right.
That it is, it does play into more of a broad, unreal character. Yeah, but

Speaker 3 to be fair, that movie is not about him. I'm saying when is Elite...
Anchorman, Will Farrell's character in Anchorman is still another not realistic portrayer. Yes, it is.
Totally.

Speaker 3 Of a guy of that era. For sure it is.

Speaker 3 Don't you guys think so?

Speaker 3 Yes, it is yeah it epsil farrell is actually just a misogynistic newscast reporter who's full of himself so exaggerated though is what i'm saying i know but it's but it's still realistic right like like a misogynistic uh news like did you ever see richard what was his name that used to do family feud what was his name richard dawson yeah and he i mean he was that guy he was like hey nice tits sweetheart why don't you guess something they would smoke you'd pat him on the butt when they get oh and they'd kiss them you'd kiss him on the mouth yeah it was the that's what ron burgundy was right so i'm saying like I can't think of a film that I've seen since that era when we were younger that, like, the lead character was a just insane, like, what?

Speaker 3 What about that Nick Swordson movie that he did called Bucky...

Speaker 3 Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 3 Bucky Larson's

Speaker 3 fame thing.

Speaker 3 Is that fall into caliber? It is. I guess that is.
It wasn't a bigger, it wasn't like a massive movie, but yeah, that was more of like a fun comedy indie. Yeah.
It got 0% on Ron Tomatoes.

Speaker 3 No, it didn't. Really? God.

Speaker 3 Seriously? Yeah. That's mean.
It's mean. Zero?

Speaker 3 I think so. Let me look it up.
Yeah, but why zero? I don't know. But when that I felt, I wanted to call him when that review came out.
Or when the Rotten Tomatoes. Did you? No.
No, he decided to.

Speaker 3 But what do you say to somebody? I heard about it. He put his fucking...
I heard about the zero. I don't know.
How do you,

Speaker 3 how do you even start that conversation? Oh, it got... No, it's not zero anymore.
What is it? It's 3%.

Speaker 3 Oh, no. See? 3%.
Yeah, that's good.

Speaker 3 It's not zero. Why would they do that?

Speaker 3 See, that to me is being cruel for no reason.

Speaker 3 Because look up, here, look up this now. I go to see Tyler Perry's movies, and they're atrocious.

Speaker 3 But I love them because they're bad. Look up any Medea.

Speaker 3 Look up Medea Boo Halloween or whatever. I went to see that a couple years ago with a friend in a movie theater, and it was that.
It was so, it's so bad. It's funny.
Medea's family reunion?

Speaker 3 Sure, any of them. Okay.
What are those?

Speaker 3 These are not well done for. 26%.

Speaker 3 All right. Still better than three.
Yeah. Like, but those movies are terrible.
Yeah. And they're just fun to go watch because you know they're going to be bad and poorly.

Speaker 3 Dude, one time in that Medea, one of the Halloweens, you can see a boom operator.

Speaker 3 I'm not even kidding. You can see a man on the front lawn holding a mic.
And he looks right at camera and he goes like this. He goes, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 3 And then looks away. Like he's going to hide.
If he looks away, it won't be holding a fucking huge boom. Yeah.

Speaker 3 I like bad movies a lot. See, me too.
That's my point. But I think being mean about it is stupid.
Don't give it a

Speaker 3 census of different reviews, right? It's not just one guy. It's like, you know, the 3% is like 300 reviews that were bad.
I know, but they all like jumping on the same train. Right.

Speaker 3 They think it's fun to pile on because it's like, you know, when you do this to friends, when you go, if you went out to eat or something, you're like, did you like it?

Speaker 3 And everyone's like, I don't know. Like, if everyone kind of went, not really, you would also go, yeah, not really.
Yeah, it's true. I think that in many ways, good movies are like that too.

Speaker 3 Like you see a movie at a film festival. Right.
And you look toward like a a group of critics that are huge.

Speaker 3 That look like they know what they're talking about. Also, they're just, you know, they've been around for a long time.
You know,

Speaker 3 like that guy, Joe Morgenson from the New York Times. Times.
Yeah, or whatever. And then, you know, afterwards, you know, everyone doesn't just disperse

Speaker 3 after the event. They go, hey, you know, and they talk.
What'd you think, Joe? Oh, masterpiece. Yeah.
Everybody. Yeah, even though the guy fell asleep in it.
You know what I mean? During it, right?

Speaker 3 It's a masterpiece. Right.
You know, maybe that happens as well. I totally think so.
I think there's movies I could blow on out of proportion. Like, I thought Once Upon a Time in Hollywood was fine.

Speaker 3 Masterpiece. It was fine.
Masterpiece. Of the Tarantino movies.
Masterpiece. Not even close.
Yes. Pulp Fiction was a way better movie.
No. Kill Bills were better than that.

Speaker 3 Jackie Brown was better than that. He was so good.
I loved every frame of that movie. Pooh Pooh.
He drove around the city for the most part.

Speaker 3 That's what I loved about it. Why?

Speaker 3 Old L.A.?

Speaker 3 First of all, right? It's an homage to that era. So what? What do you mean? So what? The story jumps all over the place.
It's just all over. All his movies jump all over the fucking place.

Speaker 3 No, but there's a concise story. None of those sets, right? Like when he's driving through town, was CGI.
They were all.

Speaker 3 You're just impressed with the production value more than the movie itself. No, I thought every frame of that movie made me smile.

Speaker 3 From the homage to I love old Hollywood and the way they portrayed it to this weird story about some like TV actor who's on his way out and his stuntman and their and then also the switch at the end.

Speaker 3 It's, I thought the whole thing was so great. And I've seen the movie 20 times.
I love it. The switch at the end, the story that was based on a true story, but ended up not being true.

Speaker 3 Yeah, the alternate reality show is so good, man. I'm okay.
Because I didn't expect it. And then when all that went down at the end, it was so funny.
Well, that was the best part of the movie, right?

Speaker 3 The fight scene was amazing. The whole thing was great.
Other than that, I was just like, oh, this is okay. See, that's my point, though.
I think you and I should be movie critics.

Speaker 3 Right, it'd be great. Because you're not going to influence me.
I think that that movie was a masterpiece. Andres is a film student.
Andres, did you love that movie?

Speaker 3 I... Why the pause? Well, I was going to betray Andrew with care and was

Speaker 3 waiting for the right words, but I think. You loved it, huh? Bobby's getting more attractive by the day.
Yeah.

Speaker 3 So you loved it? Yeah, I thought it was great. You thought that was better than his other films? Not better.

Speaker 3 Not better. Okay,

Speaker 3 what film is better than that, then, of his collection? Might be Pulp Fiction. Pulp Fiction 100.
Fuck him. This is my point.
I'm not saying it's a bad movie. It just is not as good as his other.

Speaker 3 It's Jackie Brown. No, it's not.
Jackie Brown is a phenomenal story. Yeah, it's better than...
I'm just telling you my. Better than Jackie Brown.
Incorrect. Better than Hateful Eight.
Reservoir Dogs.

Speaker 3 Right? Not better than Reservoir Dogs. Not better than Reservoir Dogs.
No way.

Speaker 3 Or Pulp Fiction. It's on par with Inglorious Bastards.
Yes. Sure, right there.
Those are probably. It's on par with Django Unchained.

Speaker 3 No, I don't. I disagree.
Yeah.

Speaker 3 I think the story of Django was... Django was so good.
Was phenomenal. It was way better.
Yeah, yeah. It was a...

Speaker 3 That's my point. It's a tarantino movie.
They're all good. That's the thing.
It's up there. It's not as good as the rest of the story.
Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 3 It was overhyped. You have no idea what you're talking about.
No, see, and that's a dumb statement that a dumb guy says. No, no, no.

Speaker 3 Here's another reason why I like it. You can't just say that.
Here's another reason why I like it, okay? Okay.

Speaker 3 I love the fact that like Jackie Chan gets, I mean,

Speaker 3 Bruce Lee.

Speaker 3 It's so racist. Bruce Lee gets beat up.
But here's a, here, just listen to my point, okay. Jackie Chan.
Is maybe in my point of view, you know, I enjoyed the relationship between the two, Brad Pitt.

Speaker 3 That's the first time you've talked about it. What? You first of all mentioned the set.
No, no, no. I love their relationship.
And that Hollywood used to be like that, right?

Speaker 3 Where the stuntmen, you know, became really good friends with the actor. You pine for old Hollywood.
Not only that, right, and I also like, and I relate to it, the movie.

Speaker 3 Here's a kid, right, who's on his way out, and I felt like that in my career before. Yeah, but he's a really good-looking movie star.

Speaker 3 Well, no, but Leonardo Kepper was a TV star trying to get into movies. I'm sorry, he was a really good-looking television star.

Speaker 3 I keep, the first part is very important.

Speaker 3 I know. And you're trying to dig at me, but.
It's not a dig. It's just you're nothing like him.
I understand that. I know, but you're not.

Speaker 3 You're a goofball who gets, you know, who fucking shows your belly on stage. This guy is supposed to be a debonair hot guy from 50% of the time.
I know, but I'm just saying just

Speaker 3 the idea of a good-looking. I know I'm not that, right? Right.
But a guy who's

Speaker 3 on his way out is what I'm saying. And I can relate to that aspect.
Sure, that's true. Right.
Of a guy that's on his way out. And how, like, after this fucking chaos that happens, right?

Speaker 3 At the end, it seems as though that he... was able to reinvent himself too.
So there's a good story. You know what I mean? Yeah.
He gets invited into the Polanski house, right? Yeah. Right.

Speaker 3 Which is fucking crazy. Insane.

Speaker 3 But I love the idea, like those scenes where he is like in a scene and he cuts, you know, he cuts himself, like he starts over, or the frustrations in the fucking green room.

Speaker 3 I'm sure you've done that. Yeah, totally.
Where you fucked up on a scene and you're fucking, you know what I mean? Yeah, you lose it. You immediately lose it.

Speaker 3 And all that stuff I've never seen in a movie before portrayed. And I relate it to it.

Speaker 3 I guess. Look, it is a good film.
I said it's a good film. It's just not of the stuff he makes.
The reason... Maybe my inherent issue is, I'm not in love with movies about Hollywood.

Speaker 3 I never have liked Hollywood. There we go then.
I just fuck. No, it's just, it's just.
You ever see Swimming with Sharks? No.

Speaker 3 Oh, my God.

Speaker 3 Who is that? Kevin Spacey, Benicio Del Toro. You have to watch it.
Is it about Hollywood? Yeah. This is my problem.
I don't like. It's so good.
Hollywood is already jerking off in its own mouth.

Speaker 3 I would rather see original stories that have nothing to do with it. But we have that.
You know, I don't like Hollywood. And I think they're better.
I don't like it. And I think they're better.

Speaker 3 I don't like Emma or any of these fucking colonial fucking English, you know what I mean, 1700 movies. I don't relate to it.
Or people wear wigs and I don't, you know, or whatever. I don't like it.

Speaker 3 You do like some of them? No, I don't. You like none of them? No.
I don't relate to it. When I'm watching it, I'm like, oh, these are just aristocratic white people in a castle arguing about

Speaker 3 status

Speaker 3 and betrayal. I don't give a fuck.
I get that. You like it.
No, no, no. I mean, I get that that's annoying to you.
It's annoying to me because I'm a fat Asian guy. Yeah.
Why would I relate in any way?

Speaker 3 Imagine if they had an aristocratic fat Asian one.

Speaker 3 No, but I do like old, you know, Asian ones. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
I relate to those. But I agree with you.
I don't like the Victorian stuff either. That's not my go-to.
That's not my thing.

Speaker 3 I like it. There's movie, but the point is, there's movies for everyone, right? But it's like there are some movies where I'll, like, Dangerous Liaisons is a Victorian kind of a movie.

Speaker 3 I love that movie. Okay.
Right? Because there's just something about,

Speaker 3 I just like the movie. I get it.
I just, I am, I'm a weirdo for

Speaker 3 things about Hollywood. I think I don't love it.

Speaker 3 My dad was a fan of Westerns, and

Speaker 3 I only like spaghetti westerns, Italian ones. I like Sergio Leone films.
Well, yeah,

Speaker 3 the bad and the ugly, because I think they're shut like a Tarantino movie. Well,

Speaker 3 they're phenomenal. They're so good.
So you like Disney? Once Upon a Time of the West. Do you like

Speaker 3 anything, John Wayne, or no? No. Never.
I've never seen it. Bale of Grum.
Yeah, I don't like it.

Speaker 3 None of his stuff. Well, I like The Conqueror.
You know what that is yeah what

Speaker 3 the what the conqueror no oh it's the one john wayne played gengus khan

Speaker 3 did you know that good movie did you know that no

Speaker 3 at one point in his career he goes i want to play gangsta kong yeah and the studio was like no no

Speaker 3 no he's like i'm john wayne right i'm gonna do a screen test listen here pilgrim

Speaker 3 I'm going to be Ganga Sky. I'm going to show you.

Speaker 3 You think I'm lying? No.

Speaker 3 John Wayne.

Speaker 3 How insulting.

Speaker 3 You know what? What I think about?

Speaker 3 Is all the Chinese actors who auditioned for it and then found out that he got the rock. Well, there's no way they auditioned anybody.

Speaker 3 They just gave it to him.

Speaker 3 And then they casted it with a bunch of Chinese people and they were like, why wouldn't you cast a Chinese guy? And they're like, because it's John Wayne. Yeah.
I mean,

Speaker 3 It looks good, actually.

Speaker 3 Really? He did have squinty eyes. Yeah.
John Wayne was always like this.

Speaker 3 Yeah.

Speaker 3 Yeah. It's pretty good.
It's so insulting. My dad loves Western stars.
I know, but this is so insulting. Is it, though? Yeah, it is, dude.
Why? Because it's a fucking...

Speaker 3 Because let me say this right now. What if there were no big Chinese actors back then? There was.
Who?

Speaker 3 Fucking Sulu.

Speaker 3 From Star Wars? Yeah.

Speaker 3 He wasn't like manly enough to be Genghis Khan. What, because he's gay? No, just because he's not like a big, strong, tough guy.
Genghis Khan was like a big guy.

Speaker 3 Back then, probably

Speaker 3 Mr. Miyagi was probably around.

Speaker 3 Was he not around back then? Mr. Yagi's like 5'3 ⁇ , like 86 pounds.

Speaker 3 Pat Morita. Pat Marita.
Pat Marita, right? Yeah. No, he couldn't do it.

Speaker 3 How tall are you, by the way? 5'4.

Speaker 3 It's my mom's height.

Speaker 3 I just, I was thinking about it. I know that.

Speaker 3 Somebody asked me how tall you were. Yeah.

Speaker 3 I said 5'6, but I had no idea. Yeah.

Speaker 3 I'm so small that I can't go out of the green room sometimes because, especially

Speaker 3 I'm in Texas. Yeah.
Like if I'm at the Addison Improv. Because whenever I walk around after the show, someone will always pick me up.
Yeah, they grab you. Amen.

Speaker 3 Here he is. Here he is.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. I hate it.
I don't like to be touched.

Speaker 3 I think it's okay to say no to all that stuff. Why don't you just get one of the security guards there to walk you up to where you're going to take pictures and stuff so then nobody can grab you?

Speaker 3 Oh, yeah. I had to one time when I was at the Miami Improv.
You ever play that room? The old one? Not the old one, though. Oh, my God.
It was a nightmare. And there was a riot in the room.

Speaker 3 Like a fight. Yeah, like a group of family, and if one family was fighting another family.
Oh, wait, did you put it on YouTube? No. Oh, that was another fight I had.
Sandy Danto.

Speaker 3 Yeah, I put that on YouTube. Oh, yeah, I had another fight in my Ontario show.
That was here in California? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh.
Where it was just, sometimes riots break out in my shows.

Speaker 3 That was a fist fight in like the third row. That guy was punching that guy in the back of the head.
It was crazy. It's on YouTube.
People can find it. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 3 But like, and so I remember afterwards, um, the security, like, the doorman had to walk me to my hotel room. Because they were scared that you were.
Because I started the fight. What did you do?

Speaker 3 I don't remember. You did something.
I always say things, and I go, oh, why did I say that? And it's starting a fight now. Were you the one?

Speaker 3 Who got the Roxglass thrown at their head in the OR? Was that you? No.

Speaker 3 Somebody got a... No, I thought that was you.
Somebody got a full glass of whiskey or whatever, a drink at a rock glass, and it just missed their head and it hit the button. Wow.

Speaker 3 I thought that was you for some reason, but I remember hearing that story in my mind. I thought they had said it was you.
And I thought, dude, if you get hit in the head with a Rocks glass,

Speaker 3 you're done.

Speaker 3 You'd pass out. And then what if you hit your head on the ground and split open your skull? That stuff scares me.

Speaker 3 When someone threw something like that, I saw Charles Cozart, there was a black back in the day

Speaker 3 in the OR, yeah, and an audio man audience member punches him in the face. And Charles Cozart does one of those things where you know how fighters, when they get knocked so hard, they freeze.

Speaker 3 Oh, their arms go. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
So he gets hit and he freezes like this, right?

Speaker 3 And he, and it made me laugh.

Speaker 3 It's funny. It's funny, right?

Speaker 3 So he freezes, but he doesn't fall right away. Oh, he's still there? He's trying to like control it, but he's frozen, right? So he freezes, and he has the mic in his hand, like this.

Speaker 3 And he slowly falls, and he falls over. Then

Speaker 3 the guy that punches him runs out into the sunset. We never find him again.
Yeah. It's the best.
That's what happens. Yeah.
Get away. That guy got away with it.

Speaker 3 I was at the club that night that that guy got shot in the chest. Were you there? Oh, my God, no.
On the patio. You know that story, don't you?

Speaker 3 That's a real scary story. A man ran up to a guy on the patio of the comedy show.
I'll never forget. I was in the side by the belly room side, and people were smoking.

Speaker 3 We were talking by the parking lot. And a guy literally got out of a car, walked right onto the patio, went right up to a guy, and shot him in the chest.
Chest. And then the guy dies.
Immediately.

Speaker 3 And Josh Nasser and a couple of doormen were holding his body while he dies. Yes.
Right? So the guy's dying. Bleeding out.
In the front of the window, the front door of the OR.

Speaker 3 Somebody's on stage. Somebody's on stage.

Speaker 3 Three feet away. Killing in a different way.

Speaker 3 Yeah, yeah, yeah. How crazy is it that at that club, in recent memory,

Speaker 3 some guy just got shot?

Speaker 3 It was crazy. Like if you were working at like Jamba Juice,

Speaker 3 right?

Speaker 3 Let's say we were working at Jamba Juice, right? And some guy got shot. Yeah, Orange Dream.

Speaker 3 In front of Jamba Juice.

Speaker 3 What an insane. Insane, right? You and I would probably never work at that Jamba Juice again.
I'd leave California. Yeah, I would leave.
That would scar me.

Speaker 3 I would never drink juice. You know what I mean? Juice is out.
Every time you see a Jamba, you'd shudder. Hey, PTSD.
I have to say this.

Speaker 3 I am very, very jealous that you're going to Hawaii because I need a vacation so bad. Although, I'm not lying.
I want to go so bad, but I can't. You can go for three days.
We're shooting. No.

Speaker 3 And they make you quarantine, dude. Oh, that's right.
So I lose too many days, and I'm shooting now, so I can't. Have you read the script? Yeah, I've read four of them.
Right. Are you with everyone?

Speaker 3 Everyone? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 3 Yeah, but the first one takes place in a different

Speaker 3 time period.

Speaker 3 No, it takes place somewhere else. Oh.

Speaker 3 Oh, God. Yeah, I can't.
I almost slipped it out. Okay.
But anyway,

Speaker 3 but I will say this. I can say this.
Some of the cameos that we have this year in the rap world. Yeah.

Speaker 3 Insane. It's just, it's gotten to the point where, like, because Kevin Hart is a producer, imagine Kevin Hart texts literally whoever.
Yeah.

Speaker 3 They all love him. Everyone in the rap world, everyone in the comedy world knows him and likes him.
That's why the power of those guys is astonishing to me because he can literally met him. Kevin?

Speaker 3 Yeah.

Speaker 3 I mean,

Speaker 3 no.

Speaker 3 No, be real. No, I mean, yes, no.

Speaker 3 That's weird. Kevin and I have met.
He doesn't know it. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 3 You know what's weird? We met for five seconds at the thing. People go all the time like, what was so-and-so to work with? Don't know.
And you're like, I don't know. Yeah.

Speaker 3 You could be on screen with them. Don't know.
Don't know. You know,

Speaker 3 I did a sketch with Ryan Reynolds. But you didn't.
I didn't because we were in the same area. He wasn't there.
Yeah, I was in a scene with James Franco

Speaker 3 in Pineapple Express. We were like, he was right there.
Mm-hmm. And me and Ken Jung were guns right here.
Never met him. He doesn't know who the fuck I am.
Do you even say hi?

Speaker 3 No, they go, don't even look at him. I bet you he knows who you are.
He might, but I'm just saying, don't look. They said that.
Don't look at him. Really? Yeah.
And I'm like,

Speaker 3 you know,

Speaker 3 they're like, Bobby, stop staring at the sky. I'm just saying, like, you, you.

Speaker 3 Yeah, well, I said that to one of the, one of the press women said, what's it like working with Kevin Hart? Yeah. And I said, I have no idea.
And she goes, come on, he's the executive user. Tell us.

Speaker 3 And I go, no, I don't know. And then she goes, you know, she's kind of getting annoyed at my answer because it's too truthful.
She wants me to be like, it's incredible.

Speaker 3 You know, she wants me to do the thing. Yeah, yeah.
And instead, I go, ma'am, he's in the green room that I'm also in, right? We're in the same green room without.

Speaker 3 Yeah. We're not, we don't know each other.

Speaker 3 I know.

Speaker 3 he's in the room. It's crazy.
People, just because they see it and they go, they assume these things.

Speaker 3 But sometimes it is true.

Speaker 3 Like Jim Carrey did. I'm dying up here, and we had dinner all the time.
Right, right. So that sometimes it's cool.
Yeah. Sometimes it is real.

Speaker 3 You know, a lot of people aren't Magnum PI fans, but like the stars, everyone on the cast, and we text and we're good friends. Why do you say they're not fans? I think people love that show.

Speaker 3 I love the show. I love doing the show.

Speaker 3 But my point is, is that,

Speaker 3 you know, sometimes it does work, but then sometimes it's like, I have no no idea even who they are or what they have no idea of.

Speaker 3 Who's an actor that you worked with that you, I know this is for you because I know it'll be somebody, that you don't know, that you don't know if this is true, but you think they don't like you, but you don't know that to be true.

Speaker 3 But you worked with them for a while and you're just like, I don't even know if they like me or not. Because you just never really connected or talked or had a lot of scenes together.

Speaker 3 Like you just can't tell.

Speaker 3 Not a mean way, not like you don't like them, but just Sasha Baron Collins You just don't know if he likes me,

Speaker 3 but you'd worked with him

Speaker 3 I think you would say hi. I don't know how he feels though.
You don't know if he thinks you're funny? I think he thinks I'm funny. I just don't know if he likes you as a person.
I don't know.

Speaker 3 Isn't it so weird? Yeah, I don't know. I don't like that feeling.
Yeah, but you know, it's not my job to know. Well, he respects you enough to hire you.
You hired me. That's a huge thing.

Speaker 3 I also worked with him sometimes. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Did you see the new movie or no? No, I wanted to.

Speaker 3 I haven't seen it either. I want to.
I don't know.

Speaker 3 I think it's me because it's like I get, you know, like, I remember the first time I did Curb

Speaker 3 and Larry David was like doing a crossword puzzle, and he was super sweet, right? But I remember, like, I was just like,

Speaker 3 how I was, what I was thinking, and my, and sometimes when I'm around certain people and I'm in a situation where like I can't believe I'm here, yeah, I get so overly nervous that I overthink.

Speaker 3 Same, right? And I get ultra-sensitive. So one little like head twitch where I go, oh, that means he doesn't like me.
Right.

Speaker 3 where you right but where you just assume certain things he's writing and and you're like um yeah is that your car and he's like

Speaker 3 yeah and you're like oh cool do you like it and he's like

Speaker 3 yeah yeah i like it yeah and then you in your head and you're going but there are people that are around you believe it or not that feel the same way About me?

Speaker 3 Yeah, because there are people, right, that like... Just say who it is.
No,

Speaker 3 I I don't want to say anything specific, but it's like I've been in situations, too, where, like, I'm at a club, right? And some opener is opening for me, and they're really excited.

Speaker 3 And you can tell they're overly excited. Yeah.
Right.

Speaker 3 And so I don't want them to think that I don't like them because I know they're ultra-sensitive as well. Sure.
Right. But then there are some times I do.
I become mean

Speaker 3 just to see what they do. Why? I don't know.
I just do.

Speaker 3 Like, well, this was the one girl. I was in Phoenix.
Yeah.

Speaker 3 And this one girl was so nervous.

Speaker 3 I go, you better do a good job.

Speaker 3 Bobby.

Speaker 3 I was just kidding. Yeah.

Speaker 3 I've only been doing it for like eight months, but I'm going to be fine. She's having like a fucking mental breakdown when you say something like that.
I don't know, man. It's like

Speaker 3 it's an A room.

Speaker 3 You know? So many. I know.
I was just, right? And she goes,

Speaker 3 I've been doing it every night. Every night I've been going up.

Speaker 3 My agent's here. I don't know.
My agent's here? Of course

Speaker 3 they're not there. So she goes up on stage

Speaker 3 and she says a joke. And he gets a laugh.
And I'm, you know, in the green room laughing. Oh, it's a funny joke.
She's really doing it. Right?

Speaker 3 And then three minutes later, she says the same joke. Oh, no.
She said the same joke. And at the punchline, she pauses and she goes,

Speaker 3 Did I say this joke already?

Speaker 3 And the audience, all assignmentalism goes,

Speaker 3 Yes.

Speaker 3 And she goes,

Speaker 3 and she starts crying.

Speaker 3 Because you. No, she starts crying.
Because of you.

Speaker 3 Right? And I'm in the green room and I can't breathe. Dying laughing.
Dying laughing. Meanest guy on earth.
I'm on the floor like a fucking fish.

Speaker 3 Laughing, right? She gets off, right? And she's, you know, it's not bubble crying.

Speaker 3 It's not bubbles. I'm so, so, so, so sorry.
And I jokingly go, you're fired. Bobby.
I know. She goes, okay, okay, I'm kidding.
We all make the mistake. Right? And I teach her lessons about, you know,

Speaker 3 all these experiences. She killed herself.
She's dead. She's dead.
Yeah, I would do her funeral. Yeah.
And at the funeral, you're like telling the story. You're like, and then she's up there.
Woo-hoo!

Speaker 3 Snap bubbles. What an idiot.
Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 3 Well, you know, it's fun to mess with people. I like messing with people.
It's fun, but also, you can't do that anymore. I can be mean.
You can't do that anymore. I'm not going to do it anymore.

Speaker 3 Not in this world.

Speaker 3 I love this new world. Have fun in the desert.
All right.

Speaker 3 Thank you. Thank you for being a bad friend.

Speaker 5 I did get COVID. We kept it a secret for privacy purposes.
It was hard to keep it a secret. You know, I'm a blabber mouth.
Think I told anybody?

Speaker 3 Yes, I do.

Speaker 5 Because she called me. She said, I hold you got up a COVID.

Speaker 5 How are you pewing? Sweet. How are you pewing? Good.
How are you pewing? I heard you got up a COVID.

Speaker 3 How are you pewing? Sweet, how are you putting?

Speaker 5 I love it.

Speaker 5 I've been using this eyebrow thickening spray.

Speaker 5 It costs $14.99.

Speaker 5 $14.99. Go to thighbrout.com.

Speaker 5 Go to thighbrow.com.

Speaker 3 Go to thighbrout.com.

Speaker 5 Go to thighbrow.com.

Speaker 5 How are you pewing? Sweet, how are you pewting? Good. How are you putting? Sweet, how are you putting? I love it.
Cybrout.com.

Speaker 5 Go to cybrow.com. Go to cybrout.com.

Speaker 5 Go to cybrow.com. I love it.

Speaker 3 Everything that we've done so far has been very good, I think.

Speaker 3 What do you guys think?

Speaker 5 Okay. I'm sure you're so offended.
See, Jules,

Speaker 3 you're playing?

Speaker 5 This is how it works. Okay.
No. Miss, miss, is how you you work work work work this

Speaker 5 is how you you work work works once there was a pumpkin cord in in Connecticut

Speaker 3 and it went you have to get closer to the microphone

Speaker 5 go to thybrow dot com there was a woman named Thighbrow

Speaker 5 very well but one time there was this huge pumpkin

Speaker 5 go to thybrow domestic pewting?

Speaker 5 Sweet. How are you pewting?

Speaker 5 Good. How are you pewting?

Speaker 5 Sweet. How are you pewting?

Speaker 3 I love it.

Speaker 5 Thighbrow.com.

Speaker 5 Go to thighbrow.com.

Speaker 5 Go to thighbrow.com.

Speaker 5 Go to thighbrow.com.

Speaker 5 By the way, I called Bobby three times in the past two days.

Speaker 5 And I waited as long as I could. I go.

Speaker 3 Who this?