President Lee Addresses the Nation and Santino Is Back!

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Speaker 4 Attention, Riso Audioma victims.

Speaker 5 If you or a loved one has Riso Audioma and it's causing terrible headaches and fits of rage, we feel your pain.

Speaker 6 It's terrible that George's annoying laughter has put innocent Americans in harm's way.

Speaker 3 Call us right now.

Speaker 4 Call the Santino and Lee Law Firm 1-888-431-3611.

Speaker 3 You two are bad friends.

Speaker 6 Who are these two idiots?

Speaker 3 White dude and Asian dude.

Speaker 3 You two are disgusting.

Speaker 2 I'm bad friends.

Speaker 3 I'll back y'all and I'll back y'all and I'll biggoty back and I'll back y'all. First of all,

Speaker 3 George, before we start,

Speaker 3 this is regular Red Bull. Rutt Row.

Speaker 3 Holy shit. Rutt Row scoop.
Do you have the sugar-free?

Speaker 3 Do you have the sug-free, George? Or no? Because otherwise, we're throwing a fit. I'm not going to throw a fit.
I'm throwing a sugar.

Speaker 3 I'm not throwing a fit. He wants sugar-free, George.

Speaker 3 By the way, you know those things. What's the difference between sugar-free anyway? Sugar-free-one has sugar and the other one has taurine.
Well, it's fake sugar, which is worse for you.

Speaker 3 So you should just drink good sugar, real sugar. Real sugar? Really? Real sugar is not.
Yes, fake sugar is so bad for it. It just has a real sugar in it.

Speaker 3 Well, look at it. What does it say? I don't know.
I don't drink Red Bull. It says taurine lightly carbonated.

Speaker 3 taurine is the energy element what's the sugar element the sugar element is do you think taurine is sugar do you think taurine is sugar it could be

Speaker 3 man it's good to be back no because i'll tell you why a lot of times um they hide um certain ingredients right and it could it's something else but i don't know the like the technical term it turn term i'll give you an example

Speaker 3 It says here,

Speaker 3 niacinamide, right? Oh, you know what niacinamide is? It could be, but here's the thing: it's a balance inhibitor. It makes sure that your balance is good, even when you're running a high level.

Speaker 3 It could be like, you know, bulldick,

Speaker 3 ground-up bulldick, but they, you know, they, then they put a term on it, niacinaminide. And I'm drinking bulldick, but I'm really, you know what I mean? But I think it's niacinaminide.

Speaker 3 Do you really think there's bulldick in there? I think there's some dick in here.

Speaker 3 Yeah. I think there's some dick in there.
There is some dick, but I don't think it's bulldick. I've heard stories that there's like Red Bull.
What is it? There's some bullish elements in here. here.

Speaker 3 Well, do you want to know the history of it? Yeah, I'd love to. Seriously, it was created by a German guy.
Yeah. And it's like 20 years old.
It only came to America the past 10 years.

Speaker 3 Yeah, because I went to Thailand. They have the Red Bull there as well.
Red Bull started in Thailand. It started in Thailand.
It did. Listen.

Speaker 3 A German guy stole the company, like stole the idea and brought it to Germany in the Netherlands. And that's where it started to grow in Europe.
He stole the idea. It translates to Red Bull.

Speaker 3 The name of the company translates to Red Bull. I'm dead serious.
In Thai, Red Bull.

Speaker 3 I know. I'm glad to be back.
In Thai, Red Bull, to say it, it's

Speaker 3 that means Red Bull.

Speaker 3 I know. What did you do to my head? By the way, we got these great figurines from Van Duel, and my head broke.
We're going to glue it back on, and I'm really sad. Somehow, my head broke.

Speaker 3 Oh, fuck. What is this? Get this off.

Speaker 3 Why is this here? Well, you didn't even let George explain why. Don't shake the table because then I won't get, then my head will fall off again.
What is this?

Speaker 3 What is it today, Bob?

Speaker 3 Do you want to ask George? Do you want to ask George why he did. George, do you have Sugar Free Red Bull for him? I'll go buy some, sir.
Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 3 Also, what is this? Four. What does four mean? This is our fourth podcast.

Speaker 3 What is the four meaning? Thank you, George. It's our fourth podcast.

Speaker 3 No, but we've done way more than four.

Speaker 3 We've done more than four.

Speaker 3 It's my birthday today.

Speaker 3 Today is my birthday. No, it's not.
Yes, it is. Today's my born day.
I was born today. There's no way today's your birthday.
Yes, it is.

Speaker 3 Can I read you the text on my mother's?

Speaker 3 Honestly, I got to look it up because if I didn't know it was your birthday, and I'm going to feel so guilty. Yeah.

Speaker 3 No, I knew you wouldn't know. And I know, and I said to them, I knew.
And I said, I'll bet $1,000. Huh? I tell these guys

Speaker 3 he'll never know my birthday. Santino birthday.
Did you know it was my birthday? No, happy birthday to them. Thanks.
Yeah, thanks. And you know what's so fucked up about this? October 16th.

Speaker 3 That's my birthday. That's today.
Oh, fuck. That's today.

Speaker 3 Well,

Speaker 3 I got you something. What would you get me?

Speaker 3 Regular. Regular.
I know you don't like shit. Does that have bulldick in it? It's got bulldick in it.
Oh, I love these. It's got 99 in it.
I don't drink this. I don't drink that stuff, but thank you.

Speaker 3 Is it really, bro? How old are you? I feel so bad. 37.
You don't feel bad at all. Don't you? No, I'll tell you why.
You're a liar. Because for my birthday,

Speaker 3 right? You got me stuff. I got you a Chris DeStefano, and I got you a cake, and he got you ramen noodles.
And they got you Corona.

Speaker 3 So, you know what I mean? That was for your birthday. That was an early birthday.
No, no, no, that was your birthday. Oh, that was my birthday to give you Corona.
It was to give me Corona. Yeah.

Speaker 3 Ironically enough, I brought a gift to the studio, and it's for Rudy Jewels because I think she deserves it. I'm 37.

Speaker 3 37. You're that much younger than me.

Speaker 3 I've got so much more life to live. You look so much older.
Five.

Speaker 3 This is from this company, Mile Los Angeles. Look what they got for Rudy.
Show everybody at home.

Speaker 3 Show Tito and

Speaker 3 show the fee.

Speaker 3 What did she need more than anything? What did you get sick of? What did you get sick of, Bob?

Speaker 3 Her repulsive sandals.

Speaker 3 She finally got new sandals. Say thank you, Ma Los Angeles.
Thank you. Thank you, Ma

Speaker 3 Los Angeles. Birken socks? No.

Speaker 3 That's a competitor, dude.

Speaker 3 What's it called? Ma Los Angeles. I love Malala.
Look on the bottom. It says it.
Read it out loud. Say what it is.
They sent you shoes. What does it say on the bottom of the shoe?

Speaker 3 Ma Los Angeles. Ma Los Angeles.
That's a company, Ma LA. Try them on.

Speaker 3 And put your foot up. Let people see your foot.
Let's see. Wait, hold on, hold on.
Put your foot up so people can see the old sandals to the new sandals. Put your foot up so people see.

Speaker 3 Also, this will end up on like Wiki feet or something. Now I just realized.

Speaker 3 Gross. Let's see the old sandals.
My feet is dirty. Yeah, we know.
Okay, those are the older ones. Look at those fucking things.
I know, those are Mongo feet. Jesus Christ.

Speaker 3 Climbed the fuck out of a tree, dude. You could water ski on those.
I know. Well, I like it.
Like, if she was an Eskimo, she wouldn't need those show schools. The snow shoes.

Speaker 3 Yeah,

Speaker 3 They would look down and be like, you're

Speaker 3 okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Take your shoes off.

Speaker 3 Let me see what they look like. Are they comfy? Yeah.
Yeah.

Speaker 3 In fact, throw those other ones away, the brown ones. Yeah, right in the trash, right over there.
Please. Honestly, I don't ever want to see those ever again.
I'll see you again.

Speaker 3 Look at how sad she is. Those are like, they're from home.
Yeah, yeah. They're my only reminder of Tamatalan.
Who made the other ones? Those had to been handmade. I don't know.

Speaker 3 I think Kalila just gave it to me. Ah.
Yeah. Well, I gave you new sandals from Los Angeles, so thank you.

Speaker 3 Very nice. So, um, it's my part of the annihilation.

Speaker 3 No, you're not. Yeah, I'll tell you why I am.
By the way, it's my first day back from COVID, and I was like, I'm coming back. We're shooting on my birthday.
He won't even know or care.

Speaker 3 And you know what? Ding, ding, ding. I was right.
I care. I feel bad.

Speaker 3 You know, I'll tell you why.

Speaker 3 I'm mad at Facebook because usually.

Speaker 3 I'm not on Facebook. Is that why? Yeah, I don't do Facebook.
Yeah, because I get notifications.

Speaker 3 That's how you know. That's how I know.
So it'll say,

Speaker 3 Bobby, you should wish Cassie, not you, but Cassie, happy birthday. And I always go, no, and I turn it off, right? But if they said it,

Speaker 3 right, why aren't you on Facebook? Why do I want to be on Facebook? You know who's on Facebook? Like aunts, like moms and aunts. I know, but your family and stuff.
You can reach out to cousins.

Speaker 3 I have high school friends on France

Speaker 3 on Facebook. The moment I moved to California, I cut those people out of my life.
That's right. I don't talk about that.

Speaker 3 Oh, family. Oh, but we miss you.
Don't Don't forget where you came from. That's why I moved away.
Leave me alone. No, I connect with them in real life.

Speaker 3 Not Facebook. I connect with them on like, you know, on email or pictures or text.
I stay in good contact with my fam.

Speaker 3 Have you noticed too that I'm not trying to, I'm not being mean anymore? Yeah, it's a little annoying. I wish you would get back to where you were.
No, no, no, I can't. Why?

Speaker 3 I'm not going to be mean. All right, you can be mean.
You know, because when I turned 50, I'm 49, I mean, right? Yeah. And then when you got COVID, I cared so much.
I know, it hurt me.

Speaker 3 I'm like, please, Lord, please don't let him die. I have proof that you talk shit about me on

Speaker 3 video games saying people were like, what if Santito dies? And you're like, if he dies, he dies. No, I never said that.
I have audio proof of that. I literally never said that.
I have audio proof.

Speaker 3 I'm going to just play it on next week's episode. Play it next week because you'll have to make it up because I never said that.
Who am I playing with? I'm not playing with anybody online.

Speaker 3 Yes, you are. No, I'm playing with my brother, who doesn't stream, and this kid, Dylan.
Dylan. No, Dylan doesn't stream.
Dylan streams. No, he doesn't.
He's been recording something.

Speaker 3 And I have not been talking about you. You're trusting me.
I don't ever talk about you. I don't give a fuck.
Okay. Okay.
Okay. I don't talk about you.
Can this be about me for a second? It's my day.

Speaker 3 Happy birthday. Thank you.
Can I read you what my mom said to me? What? The beast. Read me what the beast said.
Honestly? Yeah, yeah. Don't.

Speaker 3 I was just trying to get back to my old self. Yeah, but other stuff.
Okay.

Speaker 3 I apologize. Thinking of my boy this morning.

Speaker 3 That's what I hear.

Speaker 3 You know how pretty my mom is compared to your mom? It's unbelievable. I know my mom's pretty good.
My mom's actually pretty, and your mom is, you know, a decrepit. My mom is a yellow cockroach.

Speaker 3 One of her eyes is much lower on her cheek. Look at George went and got you a sugar-free Red Bull.
You're such a fucking brat. Thank you, George.
I was just kidding. I don't know.

Speaker 3 No, you fucking weren't. I was just kidding, George.
You went to the store.

Speaker 3 You were not. That's a dick.
You're such a bitch. Oh, man.
And listen to what she said. Yeah.

Speaker 3 I have so many fond memories of you.

Speaker 3 How you used to run away from me, and I couldn't run with groceries, so I got scared.

Speaker 3 You used to crawl out of your crib at two and use the wall as a backboard to throw toys back in your crib and climb back in. Yeah.
The raid started there.

Speaker 3 How we had to change preschools three times because you were very bored and too disruptive. You're dumb.
No, I just would get into fights and ruin stuff.

Speaker 3 Yeah, because your emotions, you couldn't handle your emotions. Exactly.

Speaker 3 We probably should have skipped kindergarten and moved right into first grade. But one of my favorites is when you were telling dad about the DC trip you were going to take.

Speaker 3 We were going to go to DC in high school to go to the white, to see the White House. Bob, don't fall asleep.
I'm not. I'm just focusing.
Piece of shit.

Speaker 3 You're a piece of shit. I love your mom.

Speaker 3 You're such an annoying person. She's a wonderful person.
I'm so happy to be back. How are you, Rude?

Speaker 3 I'm good. I'm back in the studio, baby.
Huh? Misinformation. I feel so good.
You don't know what it's like living with her. That feels good.
She's a good girl.

Speaker 3 First of all, this is what she does.

Speaker 3 i i could i i'll record it every day

Speaker 3 i go how are you or how is school or you know how are you feeling yeah right not one time has she ever asked how i am what i ate what

Speaker 3 wait wait wait why would she want to know what you ate what a weird thing to say No, like, I always ask her, because sometimes we don't have dinner together. Sure.

Speaker 3 I go, what you, like last night, I go, what'd you have for dinner tonight? But that's selfish. You just want to know because you like to think about food a a lot because you're a tub.
That's not true.

Speaker 3 No,

Speaker 3 when you ask somebody how you feel, how are you feeling? That's fucking weird. No, but the food thing is weird.
What did you eat? Fuck the food thing. Fuck the food thing.

Speaker 3 I shouldn't have even used that as an example. You shouldn't have.
So wait, do you never ask him how he feels, Jules? I think I asked him like three days ago if he was depressed. Oh.

Speaker 3 Yeah, because I mope around. And also, I only do that.
That one specific case when she asked me, I exaggerated, right, my mood so that she would ask me.

Speaker 3 So I was like, I woke up. Oh,

Speaker 3 shoot.

Speaker 3 I'm walking through the house. Yeah.
Oh, no.

Speaker 3 Right? I'm kind of like, you know what I mean? And

Speaker 3 I walk in a circle. Oh, no, no, no.

Speaker 3 Right?

Speaker 3 Woo! Right? And she goes, How are you? Are you depressed?

Speaker 3 That's very nice. And I did that so she could.
I want her to ask when I'm not acting like that.

Speaker 3 How would she know then if you're depressed if you just?

Speaker 3 It's not about depressing. It's just I want her to ask me how I'm feeling about my day.
How often are you doing?

Speaker 3 I have fucking dreams, Andrew. What? What are your dreams? I want to fly in the sky.
You'll never be able to. You're too high.
I know.

Speaker 3 But that's just a metaphor, right? Oh. Right? I want to soar.

Speaker 3 Well, you are soaring, bro. I want to be free.
Look at you. You're doing so well.
No, but I just need people around me in my house.

Speaker 3 Air up here. Constantly? Not constantly.
One time.

Speaker 3 Every day I fucking.

Speaker 3 How often do you ask her, really? Every day.

Speaker 3 Yeah, every day. And how often do you genuinely ask him how he is?

Speaker 3 How many times since we've lived together in the last eight months?

Speaker 3 Be honest.

Speaker 3 Maybe five times.

Speaker 3 That's dope. One time.
Are you depressed three days ago? You've never asked me before. Fuck you.
Okay.

Speaker 3 I love you, but thank you. Fuck you.
So my point is, is this. Well, no, timeout.
Let's get her perspective.

Speaker 3 Why do you feel like you don't, knowing that he gets bothered by it, why don't you ask him more often? Yeah, because I'm scared that if I ask, because he's always grumpy every morning, he is, yeah.

Speaker 3 He's grumpy even the afternoon. You know, that's an attack on me.
No, he's grumpy in the evening.

Speaker 3 Yeah, so I don't want to like. Well, I'm grumpy at night, too.
Is that what you're saying? Sometimes. How? In what way? Like when you're

Speaker 3 done with your game.

Speaker 3 Oh, okay. All right.
So you fucking look at you. What you're doing right now.
I'm excited. No, no, no, no.
So what you're saying saying is this. Hear me out.

Speaker 3 At two in the morning, when I'm done playing,

Speaker 3 when you're fucking asleep because you have school at 6.30 in the morning, you witness me being grumpy. No, like that's crazy.
Like at 9 or 10. 9 or 10.

Speaker 3 So you think I walk through the house at 9 or 10 angry and depressed? Sometimes you sigh a lot. Like

Speaker 3 if one sighs right, if you sighed a lot, I go, hey, bud, what's the matter? No, you wouldn't. You wouldn't even notice I was sighing.

Speaker 3 But if someone in my house, if someone in my house is sighing a lot, I would take it as an annoying indication that they want attention. If you walked through my house and went,

Speaker 3 I go, what?

Speaker 3 What is that? What do you want? So I do that a lot. I sigh a lot at night.
Yeah. That's interesting.
Because you want someone to know what's going on. I'm not the reason why.

Speaker 3 You have never asked me how I'm feeling.

Speaker 3 I don't want to annoy you. Oh, that's very nice.
She doesn't want to annoy you. She doesn't want to bother you.

Speaker 3 She asks.

Speaker 3 She acts. She acts? She acts.
Okay, she'd be acting what? She'd be actsing

Speaker 3 as if I'm like Kanye or something. To her, maybe you are.
I'm not. Are you sure? I almost voted for him yesterday.
Are you being serious? Well, I saw the ballot box. I got the ballot in the mail.

Speaker 3 Yeah. Right?

Speaker 3 And it's, he's first, by the way, on my thing. He's first, but he's only running for vice president here.
And then I googled the Mexican guy that he's running with. Yeah, Rocky de la Rocky de la Lada.

Speaker 3 Talaforte. Talaforte.
And then he was a nice old white

Speaker 3 Mexican man. He looked nice.
Yeah. And I just, I don't know what it was, but I just wanted to,

Speaker 3 as a laugh and as a joke,

Speaker 3 fill it out. Well, I didn't vote for him.
Yeah, I didn't vote for him either. I did a write-in.

Speaker 3 What do you mean? You can write in your own candidate. Who'd you write in? I'm not going to tell you who I wrote in.

Speaker 3 But I wrote in somebody.

Speaker 3 Ron Howard.

Speaker 3 Will you love Red?

Speaker 3 No, I wrote in Jackie Chan. I wrote in Jackie Chan.
Why does that make you angry? See, you deserve that. Your head fell off.
I feel bad for Van Duel. Thank you for these things.

Speaker 3 It sucks that my head broke. You broke it.
I didn't. I saw you do it.
The table broke it. This table sucks.
No,

Speaker 3 I wrote in a candidate.

Speaker 3 Well, if you're not going to tell me who it is, we can move on from that. No, we can say it.
Tell me. It's an actor.
Let me guess.

Speaker 3 Seth Green. Why? No, it's not a red.
Why are you going to Redheads? It's not a Redhead. I would just think that you because for me, right, there was a congressman running.

Speaker 3 I never even knew who he was. And I'm going to get in trouble for saying this.
David Ryu? No. Something Fong.

Speaker 3 Oh,

Speaker 3 I saw it on the thing. Yeah, so, right.
And I didn't know. I didn't hear any.
I didn't know who any of these people were.

Speaker 3 So I was with Kalila, and I filled up Fong. Yeah.
And she goes, she caught me. She's like, are you voting from because Asian? I go, no, I just like his details and his fucking,

Speaker 3 I like his stances on the props.

Speaker 3 Like, I try to make something up. Yeah, way off.
Prop 12, where he says about the thing, he really has it right on that one.

Speaker 3 And she's like, you just fucking voted for him because he's Asian. I go, yeah.
Yeah, that's fine. Is that fine? Do you think black people didn't vote for Obama because he was...

Speaker 3 Do you think there's got to be some black people that just were like, I want to vote for Obama because he's black? Right, right. There's nothing wrong.

Speaker 3 If you want to vote, vote for who you want to vote for. Who the fuck cares? That's what I did.
Do you think that... Wait, oh, oh, you can't vote.
I can't. Yes, you can't.

Speaker 3 But do you think, let me ask you this. Good.
Do you think that Joe Biden asked Kamala, right, because Kanye ran? Because their names sound alike? Yes. No, that's not why.
That's not why.

Speaker 3 No, just think of my thinking. Kamala Kanye.

Speaker 3 Just think of my thinking. Kamala versus a second.
Think of my thinking for a second, all right? All right. I'm going to ask you something.
Ask me, please.

Speaker 3 So, you know, obviously, this is what the theory is, is that

Speaker 3 some, I don't know who, but somebody encouraged Kanye to run from the Republican side. I would say someone in Kanye's head.
Maybe. It could have been someone in his head.

Speaker 3 It could be somebody in his head. It was like, you got to run.
He's like, I got to run. But so that could have scared people, right? Going, he's going to get black votes just because he's Kanye.

Speaker 3 Right. To take away from the...
Right, so do you think that Biden got Kamala because of that fact?

Speaker 3 Not because of that fact, but I think he got. There's a combination of things, BLM, all kinds of stuff going on.
Can I tell you something? Yeah. Yes.
You're right. No, are you being sarcastic? No.

Speaker 3 Say that. No.

Speaker 3 I think Biden got Kamala. Yes, he wanted to get a black woman is a good.
It helps. I think he, I imagine he thinks she's very qualified and great and is going to do great.
Yeah.

Speaker 3 But also, yeah, don't wouldn't you. Okay, how about this? If you were running for president, who would be your vice president? It would have to be somebody completely opposite from me.
Right. Right.

Speaker 3 Joe Biden's an old white guy. Yeah.
He got a young,

Speaker 3 I would get a fat black man.

Speaker 3 So you'd run with? Somebody I know. I don't want to call him out, but he's got funny glasses.
So you'd run with. I'm not going to call him out.
So your running mate would be. Chunko.
We know Chunko.

Speaker 3 So mean. He's so chunky, though.

Speaker 3 He just texted me earlier, but who would you run with? The opposite of me. No, I couldn't ask Chunko because I would want somebody with like,

Speaker 3 that could do it.

Speaker 3 Because obviously, if I'm running, I know my frailties right I'm not like Trump where I'm like I know everything right I trust me yeah I know my frailties you'd go back I know I'll be fucked fucked yeah right so I'm gonna need somebody right that you know I mean could really

Speaker 3 imagine how big your teleprompter would need to be you can't read the TV that's three feet away I know I would never read the prompter I would so what would you do with speech oh you'd improvise every speech every speech all right here we go a national address right now you're you're the president of the United States oh god not this.

Speaker 3 Yes, we're going to do it. You're going to look right into your camera right there.
No, no, this one right here. That one straight ahead.
Which one, right here?

Speaker 3 I want you to make a national address to the country to tell them that we're connected. I'm not going to be funny about it, though.
I want to be real. Yeah, of course.

Speaker 3 That's what they need out of you. You're the president of it.
Because a lot of times when I do these improvs,

Speaker 3 I lean toward funny. Don't be funny.
I'm not going to do it. I want to be real.
This is real. All right.
Okay, so I want you. Do not laugh.
I'm not going to. Because it's not funny.
Tell her.

Speaker 3 She's the one that does it. All right.
I want you to address the nation and tell them that we're. What's going on, though? Tell me this scenario.
Can I tell you? Yeah. We're under attack right now.

Speaker 3 We've had a terrorist attack. Okay.

Speaker 3 All right. Where? In New York City, in the subway line.
Okay. But can I tell you what was going on down there? What? A bunch of terrorists decided to start raping.

Speaker 3 Okay,

Speaker 3 that's all you need to know. Raping and killing people in the subway.
You're my secretary to defense. In the subway.

Speaker 3 This is what's going to go on backstage, by the way. You're my secretary to defense.
You're telling me. Okay, sir.
A bunch of people. I got it.
Okay. So you need to address the country.
I got it.

Speaker 3 In three. You said terrorists? Two.
New York. Wait, wait.
One.

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Speaker 3 Hear a hearie.

Speaker 3 Look there. Okay, well you're my secretary.

Speaker 3 Hear a hearie to the people.

Speaker 3 Jamie, I, your president, have a national address for you.

Speaker 3 Okay.

Speaker 3 As we know, our Constitution creates a foundation for which we must react to global epidemics and also national ones.

Speaker 3 And something horrific occurred in New York City.

Speaker 3 I also want to add that

Speaker 3 I, as president, to the people, right, based on all the amendments, especially the second one and all of them, they're all important,

Speaker 3 by the way. The amendments were created, right, as a tool set in which we can look down the line.

Speaker 3 We have 50 plus amendments. There are a lot.

Speaker 3 There are a lot. All right? Tell them what happened.

Speaker 3 We'll get to that because

Speaker 3 I know that I have to fill 30 minutes. But they want to know what happened.

Speaker 3 Tell them what happened, sir.

Speaker 3 Sir. I'm sorry.

Speaker 3 People are dying.

Speaker 3 This is no laughing matter.

Speaker 3 I apologize. This is no laughing matter, right?

Speaker 3 Yesterday, last night. Last night? Last night, at two in the morning.

Speaker 3 So technically, today.

Speaker 3 So

Speaker 3 technically today, right? Although some would assume that it happened yesterday because it happened in the wee hours.

Speaker 3 Yesterday, at two in the morning, in the subways of our great city of New York, which is a part of the United States of America. Yeah.

Speaker 3 I'm sorry. I don't know why.
Sorry. What happened, sir? A gang of terrorists, ISIS, aka al-Qaeda,

Speaker 3 aka, you know, from Turkey.

Speaker 3 Yeah, Hassan. Okay.
Hassan, his wife. Okay.
Hassan and his wife, right? They dispatched their cronies, aka the ISIS, right?

Speaker 3 To come into our great city of New York, which happens to be in the United States of America, right, to terrorize us, right, with their ideology that's based on scriptures that don't go against the Bible.

Speaker 3 They do go against the Bible. They have a different ideology.
Although be it, we have freedom of religion in this country. Yes.
So you may worship any God

Speaker 3 as you want. So I am not judging one's religion or sect or domination.

Speaker 3 Dominatrix.

Speaker 3 Dominatrix, right?

Speaker 3 But yesterday at 2.32 p.m.

Speaker 3 of today, right, in the subways of our great city, you know,

Speaker 3 they attacked a bunch of

Speaker 3 elderly people in the subways. Now, what this elderly group of people were going to a volleyball game.

Speaker 3 They were going to a volleyball tournament, right, in Brooklyn, right? They were going from Queens to Brooklyn, right? They were this elderly volleyball team, right? They're called the Hazmatics.

Speaker 3 And they were fighting, you know, I mean, the Crutchers. Crutchies.
The Crutchies in the final senior citizen volleyball tournament

Speaker 3 championships in Brooklyn. And they were waiting for the subway, right? And as you know, at 2:30 to 2 in the morning, the sub waves,

Speaker 3 they're not as active as often, right? And they come in waves, the subwaves. So in the window between, you know what I mean, stop and go, between the two junctions, right to the people right

Speaker 3 here.

Speaker 3 Oh shit. I'm not done.

Speaker 3 A gang of al-Qaeda Assan

Speaker 3 terrorists, right?

Speaker 3 They came in with their masks. We had no idea what was going on.

Speaker 3 We also have the best police force in the subways of New York, right? And they patrol them, you know, at every hour, in every station, in every point.

Speaker 3 And we, our salutes to them. So we salute them.
All the seniors were raped,

Speaker 3 they were raped, they were bent over the benches down there in the subways in a line, right?

Speaker 3 And these al-Qaeda ISIS people, right? They bent each one of them over, they looped their dicks because, as you know, American citizens and senior citizens they have dry

Speaker 3 orphanes,

Speaker 3 right?

Speaker 3 They were raped,

Speaker 3 then murdered, then left to rot.

Speaker 3 This morning at eight in the morning is when when they were found. Oh, God.
Yeah, so here, here, hearie. God bless America.
We will get these perpetrators.

Speaker 3 And

Speaker 3 so long.

Speaker 3 Honestly? Yeah, pretty good. I mean, as your Secretary of Defense? Pretty good.
I'm impressed. Thank you.
And

Speaker 3 that's no teleprompter. You did it, no teleprompter.
Teleprompter, looking in the camera. You were very

Speaker 3 coherent. You were fluid.
I had information. Lots of information.
Lots of information. Yeah.
And I feel like I would have, I think Americans would applaud. I think we did.

Speaker 3 Yeah, and I think the poll numbers would be favorable. Through the roof.
And I think that

Speaker 3 I would get another term. Oh, yeah.
Oh, yeah.

Speaker 3 At least I think you might crack the mold and get two or three extra on top of it. I wouldn't be able to do it because of pressure.
I wouldn't be able to be president.

Speaker 3 Like, I've been watching the show on

Speaker 3 Netflix. It's called Criminal.
Oh, yeah, you told me what it is. Is it good? Well, it's basically what it is, is

Speaker 3 the whole episode. there's a lot of set pieces, right?

Speaker 3 It's basically in the interrogation room, is when it all starts. Yeah, so it'll start with a guy, you know what I mean, being accused of something, right? And it's like, don't spoil anything.

Speaker 3 I'm not going to but it's all the episodes start that way. Yeah, they're in an interrogation room.
It's like a date line, right? And they're being interviewed by, and you don't know what

Speaker 3 they're accused of until the dialogue. It's really well written, right?

Speaker 3 And a lot of them are,

Speaker 3 some of them are innocent, some of them are not and all episodes revolve around one case

Speaker 3 right but i realized by watching criminal that that's the reason why i don't commit crimes is because i wouldn't be able to lie in those situations ah right i think the pressure would get to me right and i even if i had a plan i would be so scared in there yeah trying to pretend to make up shit

Speaker 3 Right, to make up shit that I wouldn't be able to get my story straight. I would crumble.

Speaker 3 They would get me. Well, what about this? Okay, so your theory is that by watching those shows, it deters you from doing something bad.

Speaker 3 Yeah, I mean, I don't know. No, no, no.
There's some validity to it. Yeah, there is validity.
And

Speaker 3 it's a question I've always asked myself. Do I not commit crimes because I'm a good person?

Speaker 3 Or do I not commit crimes because I just don't want the consequences of it? I think the B. I'm going to take the latter.
Do you think so? I think because you don't want to get in trouble trouble.

Speaker 3 Yeah, but I don't... There's also crimes that I'm going to do.
That's how fun to do.

Speaker 3 Crimes I wouldn't want to to do. Okay, sure.
But how fun would it be to rob a bank? Fun.

Speaker 3 Yeah, but you would. But if they knew that I wasn't going to kill them, that wouldn't be fun because I wouldn't get the money.
Well,

Speaker 3 what do you mean? If you went in there without a gun? Yeah. Well, no, I even had a gun, right? I think they would be able to read the bank teller.
It's not going to hurt them.

Speaker 3 Well, what if you threaten them with other stuff? If you broke into the bank, like a little mini baseball bat.

Speaker 3 Yeah, a little tiny, like something that wasn't going to kill him, just hurt him a little bit. Hey! Well, I would have to hide it in my jacket, right?

Speaker 3 And they would say,

Speaker 3 I'll go come to the front counter. Yeah.
Or the what is that what it called? I guess. Yeah, yeah.
I don't know, account. Yeah, it's account bank a teller.
Yeah, yeah, teller.

Speaker 3 I go to the teller, and she would probably say something like, um, oh, sir, may I help you? Hi, can I help you? What are you doing today? What do you what can I do for you today?

Speaker 3 Oh, you know what I would do? I'd be the note guy. Oh, what's that?

Speaker 3 Sometimes they say it. Are you sliding me a note, sir? Yeah, yeah.
I would give them a note.

Speaker 3 And I would point to it. It would probably say on the out, it would be folded

Speaker 3 and I would say, open.

Speaker 3 Okay, I just opened it. So they would open it, right? Okay, this is.
So it wouldn't have to say anything. This is a grocery list from Trader Joe's.
Right. And I would probably have boxes in there.

Speaker 3 Okay. Like, where you can check.
Oh, what I wanted. Am I okay with this? No, no, I would ask it, like, may I have all the money in the bank? Oh, no.
Oh, you would say that? Yeah. The note boxes.

Speaker 3 I wouldn't want to give them the option.

Speaker 3 Okay, so you just. So what did the notes say? Just one box.
Yes, and that's it. Hey, give me the money.
Yes, no?

Speaker 3 I would probably say, give me the money. I'm strapped with bombs.
Whoa. Yeah,

Speaker 3 so I'm wearing an overcoat jacket as you can tell, right? And I'm strapped with 3,000 magnitude bombs. 3,000 magnitudes? Yeah, yeah, yeah.
With

Speaker 3 promatic tourine?

Speaker 3 Is tourine in there? Yes.

Speaker 3 Yeah. Isovellicular, you know what I mean? Acid.
Isohlarvacid is in there. Yeah.
And also

Speaker 3 Nate Palm. Nate Tom.

Speaker 3 Yeah. Some sort of they wouldn't know.
No, they wouldn't know. I'm not making it up, but they wouldn't know, right? But they would go, but just in case.
Enough to, you know what I mean, dishevel.

Speaker 3 Enough to blow up the whole city. Just dishevel the area.

Speaker 3 I should dishevel. But what if they give you just a couple hundred bucks? If they're like, that's all this bank has

Speaker 3 is a credit union. I'll go Dunkin' Donuts.

Speaker 3 I'll go straight to Dunkin' Donuts. So you robbed a school credit union.

Speaker 3 We have $780 here. I'll get the $780.
Okay. Give them the $780.
Pretty good money. Yeah.
Yeah. I think you don't commit crimes because you know better, but also on your point of why you don't don't

Speaker 3 commit crimes because of those shows, it's like back when Marilyn Manson, they were like, he's making kids do crazy stuff. And, and, or they're like, murderous video games are bad.

Speaker 3 But then they turn out that that's not true even a little bit, that like rates don't go up because of video games or because of television shows. In fact, it can be the opposite.
Yeah.

Speaker 3 But here's some controversy that just hit the airways. It's like, well, just one quick, it's like, does life imitate art or does art imitate life? One and the same.
Right? They're intermingling.

Speaker 3 They intermingling. They coexist.
Like the yin and the yang. Exactly.
They coexist.

Speaker 3 Here's a good one. They're bringing back cops.
Bad boys.

Speaker 3 They're bringing it back.

Speaker 3 People got mad. They wanted it off.

Speaker 3 Now it's back on the air. Cops, the show cops, the longest-running fucking show about police officers in the history of television.
Cops, C-O-P-S, cops. Do you hear me right?

Speaker 3 Yeah, I hear you. No, honestly,

Speaker 3 it's a show then. Television shows.
It's a piece. They used to be on, and they're bringing it back.
Is that what you're saying? It was on forever. It was all controversy.
They took it away because.

Speaker 3 I never saw it. How did you not see cops?

Speaker 3 Is it like she's not even from here? Do you know what cops is? No. Say yes.
Yes. See? Is it like an NCIS show where they like...
Oh, man, it's a reality show where cops with real. It's real.

Speaker 3 They follow cops with cameras and they show them like busting people and shit. Cool.
Holy fuck. I can't believe you've never seen cops.
I have to show you a scene from cops.

Speaker 3 I've seen cops, you fucking idiot. You know, you say that, and then a piece of me knows the whole time that you have already seen it.

Speaker 3 And then a piece of me goes, he's going to to say that he's seen it to make me feel stupid, but him less uncomfortable. You know, there's a Bill Hicks joke where he talks about the show Cops.
Uh-huh.

Speaker 3 About

Speaker 3 they were usually in trailer parks. Uh-huh.
Right? I remember seeing it as growing up. Cops.
But you watched the show or you just watched it. Yeah, which I loved watching the show.

Speaker 3 It's always the same thing. It's different cities.
You know what I mean?

Speaker 3 So I lied to you.

Speaker 3 Yeah, it's a bad one. And I'm very...
No,

Speaker 3 I shifted your mindset and I deceived you a bit and you believed me.

Speaker 3 And I I win that one.

Speaker 3 Sorry, I believed you. Sorry, I believe that you're dumb enough to not know what cops are because I did sync on that.
Because you are stupid, so I thought.

Speaker 3 There's so many things that you're not even aware of. Name some things that you know that I don't know.

Speaker 3 There it is, ladies and gentlemen. No, no, no.

Speaker 3 Who created the show X-Files?

Speaker 3 Come on. Who?

Speaker 3 Scannifon. No.
Yeah, Scanny Fond. Chris Carter.
Yeah, Chris Carter. You don't know.
Yeah, the football player, Chris Carter, the ex-NFL.

Speaker 3 I'll have more information I know that you don't know. Okay.
Who produced the first four Talking Heads albums?

Speaker 3 Marcus Lofield. You don't know? No.
Brian Eno. Channy Nino.
Brian Enino. Brian Eno did.
Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 3 My point is. I want to say happy birthday to John Mayer because we share a birthday today and we're best buds and we both

Speaker 3 love Johnny Mayer. We love Johnny, but what a nice guy.
Hey, can I tell you something else moving forward?

Speaker 3 But I highly recommend the show Criminal. It's better than cops.
Doubt it.

Speaker 3 Doubt it.

Speaker 3 Andres is our

Speaker 3 lover boy, our fancy B. Andres, say hi.
Hello. Sweetheart.
Oh,

Speaker 3 two monumental things happened with Andres.

Speaker 3 When I was sicky, sick, sick, someone sent me a clip clip of a guy on TikTok, and they said it looks exactly like Andres. Okay, okay.

Speaker 3 You, you tell me,

Speaker 3 and Rudy, you chime in if you think this guy.

Speaker 3 Okay, look at this guy. Tell me if he looks like Andres, our fancy bee.

Speaker 3 Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh.

Speaker 3 He's got some moves, dude. Can you push pause for a second for a second? Yeah, I mean, I don't, I'm impressed by Andreas.
Look at that. How is that not Andreas? I don't want to be mean.

Speaker 3 I don't want to be mean. I do.
I know I'm going to be. Okay.

Speaker 3 I believe that, you know, all human beings fall into a certain prototype.

Speaker 3 Okay.

Speaker 3 And it's what you do with that prototype is what defines you. How you work with what you've got.

Speaker 3 Exactly, right?

Speaker 3 So this young man, right, had the same fucked up prototype as Andreas. So they have the same missing chromosome or as a chromatic chromatos,

Speaker 3 right? Right? You know, the little bald spot, right? But this young man decided not to wear

Speaker 3 shirts, button-up shirts with postcards on it.

Speaker 3 What's wrong with that? I know, I'm just saying, right? This young man, right, does that thing called sit-ups.

Speaker 3 This man, right, you think he's in better shape than Andreas? Oh, yeah. He took dance classes, right? He tried to improve, right, his situation.
Okay. Right?

Speaker 3 Andreas, Andres, right? Andreas. He took the

Speaker 3 prototype that he was given by the Lord himself, right, and fucked it up a bit. Why? What? Well, I think he did a great job.
Andreas? He's a good-looking, sweet-talking, sweet-speaking.

Speaker 3 He's a nice guy. Yeah.
Can I eat this? No. No.
That's my fucking cake.

Speaker 3 I've been eating all day. Can't have food around you.
Yeah.

Speaker 3 I don't eat. I don't like icing, as everyone knows that.
So I'm just going to eat the breading part.

Speaker 3 The cake? The breading part? The cake part. Yeah.
It's cake underneath there. Breading.
All right. Well, that was a guy that looked like Andreas.

Speaker 3 Thanks.

Speaker 3 I love when I do that. Wait, let me show you something.

Speaker 3 Let me show you this. We made Andreas do a dance video himself.
to prove to you he looks like that guy. Okay.
He does simply, yeah, now when you say it. And get ready for his dance skills.

Speaker 3 I mean, look, you can see these guys side by side. Oh.
Let's side by side and let's play the.

Speaker 3 You know what, dude? Let me say something. Now, when I see it side by side,

Speaker 3 Andreas is skinnier than him. Yes, he is, dude.
You were going at him for no reason. Andres is an in-shape figure.
Andreas, come in the room for a second. And he dresses well.

Speaker 3 Look at how nice Andreas dresses versus this guy in the Rockets jersey looks like a dude.

Speaker 3 Come in. All right, let's play both these.
Let's play Andreas' first, and then we'll play him at the same time. Here's Andreas dancing.
Look, see you guys.

Speaker 3 Look at those.

Speaker 3 Look at that. Ooh.
Ooh. Stand right there.
Ooh. Ooh.
Uh-huh. Uh-huh.
Uh-huh. I apologize.
I attacked you, right?

Speaker 3 For no reason at all. Now, comparing the two videos, right? Couldn't do it without his mouth full, by the way.

Speaker 3 Couldn't wait till he was done eating to apologize genuinely.

Speaker 3 Now that I see him back,

Speaker 3 I attacked you for no reason. I can't help that you grew up in a different, faraway land.
Right? Not that far.

Speaker 3 Not that far away. Different cultural experience.
He's from Mexico City. He's from Spain.
Same thing. Okay.

Speaker 3 Five hours away.

Speaker 3 Okay. Closer than Korea.
All right. Oh,

Speaker 3 okay. Oh, burn.
It's closer than Korea. Okay, I come in.
Andres for the win.

Speaker 3 I said, come in here.

Speaker 3 I said, come in here. I was going to give you a real apologies.
Oh, be nice then.

Speaker 3 Be nice. Come on, that's crazy, Todd.
Be nice, Bob. Don't be like that.
Be nice. All right.
I enjoy you. You do work really hard for the company.

Speaker 3 And I really like, you also do some work for us for Tiger Belly, a lot of work. And I really fucking appreciate it, man.
Okay. I love you.
I love you, Andres.

Speaker 3 Let's play these side by side. Let's see what they look like just to prove that these two gentlemen.

Speaker 3 I don't know how to play. I'm just going to play play.
Let's see if it works. Ready? One, two, three.

Speaker 3 Hold on.

Speaker 3 It's so annoying we can't play music. Thanks, YouTube, for fucking being the most annoying thing.
All right, here we go. Let's play these side by side, okay?

Speaker 3 And Bob, let's see, let's see how, let's see, genuinely, let's let Rudy Jules judge. Rudy, who is a better dancer of these two gentlemen, okay? Ready? Here we go.
Bob. Bob.

Speaker 3 I don't know.

Speaker 3 What do you think, Rude?

Speaker 3 Andreas is more, um...

Speaker 1 Andreas is cooler.

Speaker 3 Andreas is cooler. There you are.
That settles it, Bob.

Speaker 3 Rudy is the judge. Let's give it up one time for Andreas.

Speaker 3 Andreas is

Speaker 3 like a lot of soft liberals. Oh, boy.
When

Speaker 3 they want to pick the one that's obviously not, you know,

Speaker 3 not the better. What does that even mean? What do you even mean?

Speaker 3 Right? But because she has a sensitivity, right? She wants the underdog to win, she chooses Andres.

Speaker 3 So you think she feels bad for Andreas? That's why? But it's based on skill level.

Speaker 3 I don't understand. Life is.

Speaker 3 Yeah, I mean, Andres is a very skilled man. Sometimes people get hurt.

Speaker 3 Some people that you love aren't good.

Speaker 3 Some people that, you know, try their best fail. And we have to acknowledge that.
What if you're wrong?

Speaker 3 What if you're wrong? What do you mean? What if you're wrong? What if her opinion about his skill set is high and you're incorrect?

Speaker 3 You ever think about that? Yeah. I think about it all the time.
I think millions of people really do love Andres and they're begging.

Speaker 3 See, look at Rudy's nodding and they're begging for what I'm about to show you next.

Speaker 3 Andres has gotten a lot of requests from our fans to be on OnlyFans. They want to see a little bit more of how sexy this guy is.
It's OnlyFans.

Speaker 3 OnlyFans is a website that people use to sell themselves. To either like, sometimes they show nudity, sometimes it's like secret content.
You know, you can't get anywhere else.

Speaker 3 OnlyFans.

Speaker 3 A lot of women do it and they put actresses and stuff nudes they put like nudes and stuff up there whoa i want to know what only fans only fans i want to look at that up so our very own andreas fancy b has his only fans

Speaker 3 and uh would you like to see his only fans of content we're going to give the first video away for free okay and then after that people got to pay you got to go to andreas' account and pay andreas what's the name of the account to search for on only fans come check out my only fans at fancy be fans Check it out.

Speaker 3 You want to see Fancy Bee's? Watch. It's an app.
Yeah, dude. OnlyFans.
I'm going to download it. Let's do stuff like a Bad Friend.
Can we do a Bad Friends one? OnlyFans?

Speaker 3 Yeah, but we want to promote Fancy B first.

Speaker 3 Oh, yeah. Okay, look, look.
Okay. All right, you ready? There is no um

Speaker 3 wait, hold on.

Speaker 3 It's a bad friend's day today, so which shirt should I wear?

Speaker 3 Look at that. What shirt? Look at all those shirts, Bob.

Speaker 3 Two Santino.

Speaker 3 Not enough words in that one

Speaker 3 Maybe too many words in this one

Speaker 3 Yeah, no

Speaker 3 Yep, I think I have a wing just enough words This one's just right

Speaker 3 now before breakfast

Speaker 3 We'll play my favorite part of last week's Bad Friends. Cannot stand George and I miss Andres.

Speaker 3 Cannot stand George and I miss Andres.

Speaker 3 Cannot stand George and I miss Andres.

Speaker 3 Cannot stand George and I miss Andres. Feels good.

Speaker 3 Oh, he's having a little croissant, Bob.

Speaker 3 Oh, that's what we say. Look at fancy.
Real fancy. This is a good croissant.

Speaker 3 Anyway, I think I'm ready for another Bad Friends Day.

Speaker 3 See you, my OnlyFans, next week. Ciao.

Speaker 3 So sign up for OnlyFans if you're looking for content like that. That's

Speaker 3 hot. No, it's just dot com.

Speaker 3 It's just dot com. And watching you learn about it while I'm trying to show you fancy bees has been really fucking frustrating.
Why are you trying to learn what?

Speaker 3 Yes, let them access whatever they need. Use your user.
Okay.

Speaker 3 Is this how we're going to spend the next couple of minutes? Watching you learn OnlyFans? So it says save changes. It's my birthday.

Speaker 3 It's my birthday.

Speaker 3 Okay. Changes were saved

Speaker 3 well let me just hold on hold on yeah almost there almost there yeah so um everybody um tell me something yeah

Speaker 3 um let's get serious I don't want to talk about it

Speaker 3 I've talked about it too much

Speaker 3 no we're not going to talk about the things you've talked about okay

Speaker 3 okay

Speaker 3 I'm going to ask you because you know it's like you know

Speaker 3 I was watching that show, that movie,

Speaker 3 not hot zones, it was the one with

Speaker 3 Dustin Hoffman.

Speaker 3 Tootsie?

Speaker 3 Rangman. Maybe.

Speaker 3 Maybe. No, it's about the diseases.
So

Speaker 3 diseases? Yeah, is it hot zones or what's it called? Outbreak. Heartbreak? Outbreak.
Maybe. He's saying it loud.
Hotbreak? Outbreak. No,

Speaker 3 it's a plague. There's a a plague going on.
It's in some wild wild. Outbreak.
Outbreak.

Speaker 3 Thank you.

Speaker 3 And, you know, when you watch a movie like that, you go, you think to yourself, oh, man, that disease is fucking scary. I wonder what that feels like to have it, right?

Speaker 3 And, you know, COVID came along, right? Which is like, you know,

Speaker 3 mysterious. Scary.
It's a mysterious disease. Yeah.

Speaker 3 And I don't have, you're the only person I think that I know that I'm close with that I could ask these kind of questions

Speaker 3 out of curiosity. Yeah.
Right.

Speaker 3 So

Speaker 3 I'm just going to ask you some yes and no questions. Shoot.
And then you can answer them for me. Okay.
Okay.

Speaker 3 When you're in the height of your COVID journey,

Speaker 3 can you still make love?

Speaker 3 Could you get it up and have it desired?

Speaker 3 Yes. Of course, because you're a man.

Speaker 3 But you can't make love to anybody.

Speaker 3 You can pound your pud. Okay, good.
That's all I'm talking about. That's something I talked about publicly.

Speaker 3 When you're in the height of your COVID, are you eating things?

Speaker 3 Yeah.

Speaker 3 You get hungry. But you can't taste anything.

Speaker 3 Oh, so that's real. No, taste it.
No, no, smell. Can't smell it.

Speaker 3 That's real. Wow.
So if you're eating like

Speaker 3 a roast beef sandwich. Why?

Speaker 3 Exactly. Yeah, why am I eating that when I'm in the middle? Exactly.
You wouldn't be eating it. I'd be eating soup.
Soup? Soup, ramen, peanut butter, and jelly. Right.
Stuff that you eat.

Speaker 3 Meat and and potatoes, simple stuff. Not meat and potatoes at all.
Just a term. That was a term.
Simpler than meat and potatoes. Right.

Speaker 3 But not meat and potatoes. It should be called peanut butter and jelly.
Peanut butter. Okay.

Speaker 3 So let me ask you this.

Speaker 3 Is it worse than the flu?

Speaker 3 My personal experience felt just like a flu to me. It felt like what I've had when I had a flu.

Speaker 3 So if there was no it was if there was something if you've never had COVID right and you got this Yeah, you'd just be like oh, I have the nasty flu If we didn't know what COVID was, I would go, man, I've got this weird, fucked up flu.

Speaker 3 It feels weird. Okay, so it was, then it's different than a flu.
It's different, but this, but

Speaker 3 things mocked each other, right? Like, like tired, very tired, like the flu, achy body aches for a day, two days. What about the lung stuff people talk about? So that affects some people.

Speaker 3 I didn't get... pneumonia.
I didn't get a lung infection. I mean, as far as I know, I didn't have restricted breathing and I didn't have pressure on my chest, which people say.
So I didn't have that.

Speaker 3 But I've heard that that's fucking bad. Right.
But mine felt like

Speaker 3 someone beat the shit out of your head. Oh.
Headaches, bad headaches.

Speaker 3 It's like in the movie

Speaker 3 The Third Dark Knight where Batman. The third Dark Knight? Which one? Yeah, when he punches Bane right in the mask piece.
In the mask piece. And remember the little

Speaker 3 and he goes, ooh, ooh, right. Is that what it felt like? Genuinely.

Speaker 3 Is that what it it felt like? Yeah. Oh, that's good.
Yeah, it's very banish. Yeah, how long?

Speaker 3 Very baneish. How long did it last, though, the sickness?

Speaker 3 Like, feeling sick is probably a week and some change. Wow.
But then after that, you're just kind of residual effects from being sick.

Speaker 3 Because you're lazy and you're tired, so you're even more tired because you're being lazy.

Speaker 3 Would you want it again? Huh? Would you ever want it again?

Speaker 3 What a dumb question.

Speaker 3 Would I want to get a fucking virus again? No. I didn't want to get it in the first place.
It's just a yes or no question, man. That's fucking crazy.
Sorry.

Speaker 3 Sorry. Ask me again.
Would you want it again? No. What a dumb question.

Speaker 3 Okay. That was a dumb question.
No, I don't want. I wouldn't have.
I've never filtered these questions. Do I,

Speaker 3 is it one of those things where I was, I tell you what, you know what scares you the most?

Speaker 3 Is that you don't know enough. Right.
When you get it, when I get a sinus infection, what I get all the time, I get them three, four times a year, I know what's happening. I know what's to come.

Speaker 3 So there's an element of unknown fear. Yeah.

Speaker 3 And I don't think speculation in the media helps either because everyone's like, fuck, what if I, what if I get, what if I get, what if I get, what if I get? Right. And it perpetuates.

Speaker 3 It hits people in different ways, I hear. So it's like, it does.
Some people, it's really, really bad. Yeah.
Some people end up in a coma. My buddy's mom, I'm sorry, my buddy's aunt went into a coma.

Speaker 3 That's crazy. Yeah.
Yeah. And when she came back out, she couldn't speak English.
Wow. She spoke Japanese.
That's insane. Well, she learned a new language.
I know. Weird that you can learn a lot.

Speaker 3 It's a difficult language to learn. No, the poor woman, she literally kept, but she survived, thank God.
But when she came out,

Speaker 3 yeah, she had to relearn something. I mean, it's fucking insane.

Speaker 3 It's so sad. It's disgusting.
So, some people are luckier than others.

Speaker 3 Are you mad at the guy that gave it to you? Yeah.

Speaker 3 No. Because you know what? What? It's

Speaker 3 30 million fucking people. No, I'll be honest with you.
How could you?

Speaker 3 I have to throw my two cents. Can I throw my two cents in? Throw them on the table.
Number one,

Speaker 3 it disrupted our business. Yeah, the pod pod, yeah.
It did. It was tough doing it for me.
I took it personally because now my friend's sick.

Speaker 3 I'm going through unknown questions. You're right.

Speaker 3 Do I have to do one with Eric Griffin?

Speaker 3 You know, I mean, do I have to team up with me and Chunko over here? Right. So I'm laying in bed going, we can be called

Speaker 3 fat friends. Oh, I don't know, whatever.
You know what I mean? Because I'm fat too.

Speaker 3 That's true. Right? So that's number one.
And number two, I'm like, I hope he doesn't die. Yeah, I hope I didn't die too.
Yeah, yeah, that would be sad.

Speaker 3 sad yeah and then also then also it disrupted then we when we did the podcast I mean granted you know this the podcast we've done with with you sick right

Speaker 3 we did the best we could with those we had some fun but what's great about you and I together I need to see we have to be in the same

Speaker 3 because you have a certain energy right yeah that I respond to same and in the the three that we did you know with you you without you

Speaker 3 it felt didn't feel the same for me but you did get some enjoyment you told me after the fact on the phone that you liked doing it with your with your brother. It felt really good.

Speaker 3 Well, I hadn't seen Steve since the pandemic. So how nice.
So that was nice.

Speaker 3 So Corona was. I would rather not you get Corona for that.
Sometimes you got to get Corona to bring brothers together. Now, will you go to Hawaii when I go? I don't know.
I'm thinking about it.

Speaker 3 We're trying to plan it because I start shooting Davey season two when you go to Hawaii.

Speaker 3 Yeah, it's hard.

Speaker 3 Where are you staying? I don't know. Well, tell the people so they can come say hi.
Well, I'm staying in Honolulu somewhere.

Speaker 3 I'll have days off.

Speaker 3 When we find out what hotel Bob is in, we're going to tell you guys because we want the fans of Hawaii to be able to come say hi to you. No, not in the you're a people person.
You love people.

Speaker 3 Everyone, I'm going to tell you on my Twitter what hotel he's in. I'd like you to go say hi to him and bring him gifts during the day in the hotel.
If you drop off gifts at the

Speaker 3 I want them to wait outside of your room so when you wake up, they can have gifts for you in the hallway. Or like Henry Lau.

Speaker 3 Henry Lau. And put some rose petals on the floor when you leave.
Is she going? Rudy, are you going to Hawaii?

Speaker 3 I don't know yet. That's a no.

Speaker 3 It's up to Auntie Kalila. It's a yes, obviously.
Everything's, you know, it's so funny, Rudy.

Speaker 3 It's so funny. You know, it's like, everything's up to her.
Well, I have no say in anything. If Auntie Kalila goes,

Speaker 3 like, she orders food, right? She'll go, it's good, huh, Jules. And every,

Speaker 3 it could be a pile of dog shit.

Speaker 3 Juliana will go, it's great, Auntie Kalila. Right.
Well, what if she likes to taste it? No. If I order something yeah right it's good right

Speaker 3 okay

Speaker 3 oh i never i never said okay i never said yeah yeah yeah you never side with me why don't you side with me

Speaker 3 and you never you're never on my side be honest jules is it because you like anti kalila way more you just genuinely love her more blood they they share blood doesn't matter there's people that i'm blood with that i don't like as much as i like strangers that's true that's a true point

Speaker 3 Is it because you really love her more than you love?

Speaker 3 No,

Speaker 3 I love them both equally. That's impossible, and that's a lie.

Speaker 3 Everyone that says that is such a lie. Yeah.
When someone said it about their kids, like, I love my kids the same. No, they don't.

Speaker 3 No, they fucking don't. They hate one of them for sure.
Yeah. So be honest.
What is it really?

Speaker 3 Say it.

Speaker 3 She's got it loaded up. She just doesn't want to unload.
Say it. Be honest.
This is a time to be honest. He wants it.
I want it. Okay.

Speaker 3 I love Athikala a little bit more.

Speaker 3 God, that hurts. Oh, fuck, that hurts so bad.
I know it did. Oh, shit.
That's hard.

Speaker 3 Now, instead of taking this negatively. The way she did that.
Because it was the way the way she did it. It was really honest.
Yeah.

Speaker 3 Don't take this negative, Bob. How about this?

Speaker 3 Can I say this? What can you do to beat her love? There's no way. I'm going to say this.
Money, gifts? I already know that. Yeah.
Right? But you have to understand that

Speaker 3 I know that, and I'm trying. Yeah, he is.
Right?

Speaker 3 And you don't.

Speaker 3 You're not giving me the opportunity. I do.
Yeah.

Speaker 3 And,

Speaker 3 you know, know,

Speaker 3 I'll add another thing, even though you hurt me just now, all right? That I will continue to. Look at this finger.

Speaker 3 I will continue. Look how tiny your pinky is.
I know. I will continue to try for the rest of my life,

Speaker 3 even though it's moot.

Speaker 3 Even though I know, okay,

Speaker 3 that

Speaker 3 it's never going to work in my favor. That you're going to betray me.
Wow. Right?

Speaker 3 And that

Speaker 3 it's a love I'll never get. Okay?

Speaker 3 Are you okay with that?

Speaker 3 I love Tito Bobby, and I side with him sometimes. Never.

Speaker 3 Sounds like never. She's a liar.
You're a fucking

Speaker 3 Mongo. Be nice.

Speaker 3 Be nice. Sorry.
I apologize. Do you, um, are you still having trouble in your sleep, by the way? I have sleep apnea.
No, I I know, but are you using a machine now? No.

Speaker 3 Because when we talked, you said you were going to get it checked out. You didn't.
Yeah, I'll wake up at six in the morning not being able to breathe. I know, but Bob, you got to go see somebody.

Speaker 3 Okay, that's true.

Speaker 3 I'm at a point now because you have to understand that. Imagine dying in your 49.

Speaker 3 I know, but you don't want to die in your life. And then you think to yourself, when you turn almost 50, I'm almost 50.
You think to yourself, right?

Speaker 3 You kind of start Googling, when did this person die?

Speaker 3 Right?

Speaker 3 And I always have a thing like, you know, Keith Richards. He's alive.
I know. Oh.
But he's my like meter. Oh, when he dies, you die.
No, when he dies, I'll know.

Speaker 3 That's pretty much around the time I'll die, I think. You think you live the same life that Keith Richards did? He snorted his dad.
You know that. Yeah.
Did you? Mixed in his dad's ashes.

Speaker 3 Did you snort cocaine? Your dad? No, it's still in the box, right? And he snorted it. He's done every drug in the book.
He smoked cigarettes until he was like nine, you know, whatever. Yeah.
Right.

Speaker 3 And he's still walking around. So he's my meter.
Like, you know, oh, he's still alive. i have a shot okay but what about guys that just did

Speaker 3 i'll be honest with you you know um i always thought that if i got covet that i would die immediately no but when trump went got through it it kind of gave me like hope like i could live through it right it's just it's kind of like that yeah but you still you when you're when you turn when you get toward 50 you literally start thinking about death a lot and your mortality.

Speaker 3 Maybe not everybody, but I understand, I think.

Speaker 3 Whoa, are you going to die? I don't know. I almost thought there's not.
Not every second of every day.

Speaker 3 It's every once in a while. All right, how do you want to die? Not in your sleep.
Oh, for sure in my sleep. Why, Bob? I don't want to fucking die walking down the street

Speaker 3 walking around. I do.
Hey, John.

Speaker 3 Yeah, I don't want that. But I want to know I'm dying.
I want to have the moment of. Oh, my God, I'm dying.

Speaker 3 I don't want to just be in bed, like, having a dream

Speaker 3 and then die in my. Yeah, if I'm in a dream, right, and I die,

Speaker 3 I'm not what it's like being in a blackout drunk and die. But you'll never know that you died.

Speaker 3 You're not gonna know anything, even if you die after you die. Because if you know, no, but if you know you died when you died, you saw it, you knew it was real, right? But if there,

Speaker 3 let me close this. If there's nothing,

Speaker 3 if there's no God and there's no heaven, what if you already died in your sleep and this is all just the afterlife?

Speaker 3 Well, then I

Speaker 3 would have

Speaker 3 what if, dude, what if you've already died? That's my point. I want to see that I did it.
I want to go. I want to see that I'm like, go, God, Diane.
And I want to die. Die.

Speaker 3 And then if there's no afterlife, which there is, if you're a good Christian, like. It doesn't matter.
Okay, if there, for instance, if I'm in my sleep, right?

Speaker 3 And I open my eyes and I go, holy shit, I'm on a cloud hanging out with Cleopatra. I've said that before.
Right. Yeah.
And like, I would love to see Coleman. Ronnie Coleman? No.

Speaker 3 What's his name? Coleman. Different strokes.
Oh, Gary Coleman? That's right.

Speaker 3 So Cleopatra, right? Cleopatra. Gary Coleman.

Speaker 3 Gary Coleman is

Speaker 3 Gary Coleman. Gary Coleman.
Okay.

Speaker 3 Carrie Goldslaw. The television little person.
TVLP. Yep.
And I'd be hanging out there on a cloud, and I'd open my eyes, right? Yeah. And I'd be like, did I die?

Speaker 3 And then Gary Coleman go, yeah, buddy, you did. You know what I mean? No, you know what he fucked that joke up.

Speaker 3 I'm Gary Coleman. Okay.
Ask me if you're dead. Did I die?

Speaker 3 What'd you joke about, Willis?

Speaker 3 That's too easy. It didn't work? It didn't work.
Okay.

Speaker 3 I love it when bits don't work. So funny.
Isn't that fun? So funny. That little moment when I'm...

Speaker 3 I've done that on stage. By the way, when you're working on it.
Or when I get right, you go, I know. Didn't work.
100% that this joke is going to work, right? And

Speaker 3 when you're driving to the club, right? Yeah. yeah you get excited and then when the guy's in front of you on stage you just kind of go hurry up i have a joke

Speaker 3 and you get up on stage and you see the punchline and it doesn't work and it's completely silent it that feeling is the worst it's the best actually i think it's so fun and then i what would you what do you do in that situation i acknowledge i acknowledge it and you acknowledge it i go wow

Speaker 3 on the way here yeah yeah i thought that was good and you guys really let me know how bad it was i would even go into the thing like i was I would say everything I just said before coming even doing this bit right now I was excited to come up here, right?

Speaker 3 And wow.

Speaker 3 And if they don't laugh at that, right, you're now in a hole. Well, then you usually go and I've seen you usually go, oh fuck you guys.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. And then you turn it up.

Speaker 3 And then they love you again. Then they snap snap.
Yeah. So look, I'm being serious.

Speaker 3 You need to go get sleep apnea help. No.
Bob, Kalila doesn't want to wake up with you dead because you couldn't breathe in the middle of the night. What an annoying way to find your help.

Speaker 3 All that happens is I don't die, Right? Yeah, correct. You don't die.
I didn't die yet. I know, but if you get help,

Speaker 3 then you definitely won't die.

Speaker 3 Okay, so what I'm saying is that, you know, I'll just continue this way of doing things. Just rolling the dynamics.
Because it didn't happen. Okay.

Speaker 3 Right? Okay. It's just hearsay.
It's weird to be so safe about COVID, but not care about dying in your sleep.

Speaker 3 Because one of the two you have much more control over. Because I know I have friends that have it.
I have a friend that has to sleep with a breathing machine. Yeah, Joe Coy.

Speaker 3 He has it? Oh, yeah. But he's in pretty good shape, too.
No, he has the thing. He has to sleep with the

Speaker 3 all night long. That's what they hear.

Speaker 3 So what's worse? You die in your sleep or her listening to the hum of that machine. She probably wants you dead.
That's what happens. People just unplug the machine.

Speaker 3 That's what'll happen. You could fill.
Can you do that? Fill it with stuff? Can you fill? Can you get murdered that way?

Speaker 3 You can fill it with like toxic fumes? Yeah. I imagine.
Like you just light a cigarette and you stick it and you blow it out. You'd love that.
If I'd smoke. Oh, yeah.

Speaker 3 That would be great.

Speaker 3 You could smoke while you sleep. Yeah.

Speaker 3 You need to get help. I'm being serious.
It's so dangerous. Well, I mean, maybe I'm waiting for you an interview.
I'll do a thing on the show. Yeah.
A friend of mine, so let me let me say this.

Speaker 3 A friend of mine.

Speaker 3 You need to eat your cupcake? Is there more? I don't know, dude. I didn't bring them.
It's my fucking birthday.

Speaker 3 You should have brought me some shit.

Speaker 3 My friend Dave from my show, Davey, that you make fun of, Dave got me a fucking beautiful cake. A big, beautiful cake he dropped off to my house.

Speaker 3 That's different because I'm way more friends with you than I am with him. I'll tell you why it's different.
I've known you for a decade. I'll tell you why it's different.
Please.

Speaker 3 Like, you know, when I go to Hawaii, I'm going to do Magnum PI.

Speaker 3 Oh, my God. Are you plugging your fucking Magnum PI? No, I'm like, I'm going to give you an example.
Please. Let me get there.
Please. God.

Speaker 3 And when they text me, me right aloha like if jay hernandez the star yeah texts me yeah aloha how's it going i respond to him right away because he doesn't know that i'm a piece of shit yet well he's gonna when this comes out that's what i'm saying is that because you're working with davey right so you you put on the best face possible you and i are already friends he know dave knows me too Yeah, but you're not there yet with him.

Speaker 3 Okay, so you're saying because we're real friends, you don't care about me. No, I care so more deeply about you.
More deeply than you wouldn't want to do.

Speaker 3 We're beyond gifts. We're past gestures of niceties.
No, we don't. You and I have an internal friend.

Speaker 3 Did I go to Vaughn's and get you a cake? Yeah, and I'll tell you one thing, it wasn't good. You didn't eat it.

Speaker 3 You didn't eat Vons cakes. You just did.
Hold on, time out. Time out, time out.

Speaker 3 Was it good, though? You want another one? Pretty good. Yeah? It was from Vons.

Speaker 3 It was.

Speaker 3 He got it from Von's for real.

Speaker 3 Really? Andres, is it from Vons? It is. Yeah, it is.

Speaker 3 Let me ask you something.

Speaker 3 And Vons isn't bad.

Speaker 3 It's not John's. John's is worse.
It goes John's. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
It goes John's, Vons. No, first of all, it goes Smart and Final.
John's. Let's rate the L.A.
ones, all right?

Speaker 3 Well, that's what I'm going to do. So it goes Gelson's? At the top.
At the top. Gelson's is number one.
Right, and then there's Pavilions.

Speaker 3 Pavilions is pretty close to Whole Foods. So what's Whole Foods Foods on top then? But it's not even in the grocery.
It's its own thing. It's its own thing.
It's Amazon. It's Amazon.

Speaker 3 But so it goes, it goes Gelson's. Gelson's.
Pavilions. Pavilions.

Speaker 3 Safeway. Safeway.
No, Ralph's. No, no, no.
I think Ralph's and Safeway. I think

Speaker 3 because Rock and Roll Ralphs in Hollywood is scary. It's great, though.

Speaker 3 I saw a guy. When you see like Marilyn Manson there, like eating an apple.
That's fun. But then you go there in the middle of the night.
It's on sunset.

Speaker 3 The one time I was going there before I went to the store, I saw a homeless guy because they're all over in that little strip right there. Yeah.
Walked in. I love that, Ralph.

Speaker 3 Walked in, grabbed a newspaper, and spit at one of the employees. I love it.
All right. Yeah.
I've seen, like, Modest Mouse there, the band. Yeah.
Yeah, I've run into them there. Who else?

Speaker 3 I've seen Marilyn Manza there eat an apple. He's just eating an apple inside the Ralphs? Yeah, he wasn't even paying for it.
I think he was just eating it in the fruit section.

Speaker 3 He can't afford to pay. Well, he was doing one of those things where Marilyn, like, everyone was like, oh, my God, holy fuck, it's Marilyn Manza.
He's eating an apple.

Speaker 3 He's like, I got to eat this apple. You would never think that he would be eating an apple.
You would think that he'd be eating a human heart. Oh, like a bat? Yeah, or something, right? Yeah.

Speaker 3 But he's eating a fresh, you know, it was not even a red one. Imagine you went up to him, you're like, Hey, yeah, why are you eating an apple? I thought you'd be eating like a human heart.

Speaker 3 Yeah, yeah, yeah. Merlin Manson's like, listen, dude, I had to, after years of doing that kind of stuff, I really had to curb it.
My doctor said my blood pressure is through the roof.

Speaker 3 I've seen there, I've seen Dice there, Andrew Dice Clay. Yeah, I mean,

Speaker 3 yeah, but we see him at the comedy store, too. That's not like that.
I'll tell you who I've seen there. All right, give me someone.

Speaker 3 And then there are other actors, like Spanish actors, I've seen there. Who? I don't know their names, but they're like, oh, that guy's on the Mozart show with Hulu.

Speaker 3 Oh, that guy? Yeah. Oh, that guy's good.
Yeah. Why can't they get his name? I don't know.
That's why I didn't say it. Oh, fuck.
Yeah. Sorry, that guy.

Speaker 3 That guy's good. Yeah, he's good.
Oh, I've never seen that guy. Fancy Beanos.
Say it again. We can't hear you.

Speaker 3 Oh, dude. You know what? He's fucking doing the accent.
Got it, got it, gotta get, get that. I hate when they do that.
It's so annoying.

Speaker 3 Yeah, give me the fucking American version of whatever you just said. Gabriel Garcia.
Gabriel Garcia. Someone like that.
Yeah, he's like, Gabriel Garcia. Why did they do that on the rollings thing?

Speaker 3 I know. Stop it.
Can you roll? Garriel. Garriel.
I've never been able to roll. Garriel.

Speaker 3 No, Ardes.

Speaker 3 Garriel. I can't do it much.

Speaker 3 I got that.

Speaker 3 Am I good, Fancy B or no? Really good. Grazi.
So, yeah, so it goes Ralph's and then

Speaker 3 Vons?

Speaker 3 Ralph's, then Vons, and then John's. John's.
And then Smart and Final. Smart and Final.
And then the last one is...

Speaker 3 Where do you shop, George?

Speaker 3 Trainer Joe's. Swish.
Yeah, Swish, yeah. Where is it, George? What's the bottom?

Speaker 3 I do Vons usually. He does Vons.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah.
Smart and final is probably dead last. Unless, or 99 Cent Store.
Does that count?

Speaker 3 They don't have fruit there. They have groceries.
No. Yes, they do.
Do they sell produce? When I first moved to L.A., my old roommate used to buy eggs there, and I was so scared. Yeah.

Speaker 3 I was like, 99 cent eggs for 12 eggs? Yeah.

Speaker 3 That was so scary. I mean, I ate them.
Do you ever eat at places like it says Chinese food and donuts?

Speaker 3 L.A. has so many places that says pizza, kebabs, Mediterranean, sushi.
Yeah, yeah. And you're like, I will never eat that.
No, you do too many things. Yeah, master one thing.

Speaker 3 There's one place on the way to the, there's one place here in the valley that's called H-salt fish and chips. I've eaten there.
I loved it. I used to live right.
I used to live on Camarillo.

Speaker 3 Yeah, right there. Right there.
By the way, terrible. The worst place on earth.
Yeah, the fish, first of all, I don't even know if it's fish. Not fish.
Yeah. Look at the reviews on Yelp.

Speaker 3 Oh, I don't even know.

Speaker 3 I need to keep talking about it because I'm going to bring you. Also, you know, it's supposed to be, you know, it's supposed to be fish and chips, right? That's all, yes.
Yeah, um, why is it wet?

Speaker 3 Like, the breading, everything's wet. Hold on.
H salt fish and chips. This is it right here.
H salt esquire. Esquire.
Oh, my God. It's called H Salt Esquire.
That's the nerve of this fucking place.

Speaker 3 All right. It's a chain.
H-salt fish and chips. No, this is it right here.
Oh, no, that's on saltel. Oh, wow.
Is it really? It's a chain. Oh, my God.
Yeah.

Speaker 3 Well, I. Maybe some of them are better than that one.
I can't imagine. Look at this one.
This is a photo on the Yelp page. Okay, that's not.
Okay. That looks like.
There's no fish in there.

Speaker 3 By the way, that looks like fish and chips as one. That's a fish and chip.
I already heard. That's fish and chip.
Yeah, yeah. That's fish and chip.

Speaker 3 Oh, there's first of the, is that supposed to be the French fry or the fucking fish part? This is,

Speaker 3 this is their Yelp page. Look at that photo.
That's insane. What is that?

Speaker 3 What is that right there? I don't even know. Look at that discoloration.
What part of the fish is that? That's black. That's its heart.
Yeah.

Speaker 3 All right, so let's see some of these reviews from the self fish and chips. Oh, there's some good ones.
Okay, but let's go to the bad ones.

Speaker 3 That's the only one. Oh, whoa, whoa.
That's a

Speaker 3 five-star TV.

Speaker 3 Let's sort by newest. She was high.
There they are.

Speaker 3 They always put best up first.

Speaker 3 Wendy says, worst customer service ever. The owner screams and treats every customer so bad.
The day I went in, she decided she was going to first have my feet. He's Asian, by the way.
No shit.

Speaker 3 She said he screams and treats everyone so bad. But based on that, please don't assume that he's Asian.
I did. I'm just telling you, he is.
I've been there. I know because I read what it just said.

Speaker 3 I know, but what you're doing is a racist, you know. How is that racist? I've never been yelled at by a black or a white owner of a restaurant.
I've only been yelled at by Asian owners in restaurants.

Speaker 3 Generally, they are Asian, right? Always.

Speaker 3 Not always, but 90%. Hurry up and pick up! Every time.
That's not it. Number two, now.
Yeah, every time.

Speaker 3 Why is it this when you're in a Chinese restaurant, right? And they're so calm when they're talking to her, but when they turn to their. So, this is what I get.

Speaker 3 Would you like to hear about our specials? Right? Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah. And did they tell you the special? Yeah, I'll help number three.
Okay, number three.

Speaker 3 And then he'll turn around and go, My Dick, Mikey, God, my God.

Speaker 3 Is that all her? Right. And kind of turn back.
Why do they do that? Because they need to communicate loudly to the back of the kitchen. How about this? Take the fucking order, right?

Speaker 3 And walk back there.

Speaker 3 Now

Speaker 3 yell. Let him bark, baby.
Let him bark. Okay, so yeah, he is a.
I've been there. He's a Chinese guy.
The day I went in and decided first, it's a woman on this one.

Speaker 3 She's first going to decide to have my food photographed and then packed it up, expecting me to be happy with it. Then she didn't even want to give me my money back when I didn't want the food.

Speaker 3 Horrible customer service. So she wanted to take photos of it.

Speaker 3 Yeah, it looked so terrible. What happened? H salt, the H salt is off the building.
By the way, that's true. The letter H is falling off the building.
It's very funny.

Speaker 3 Prices have doubled. Fish is a burnt rectangle.

Speaker 3 Lady will yell at you to put the food in the bag. I said I was eating outside of the table.
She ran over to take it away from a tray so I could carry it a cardboard box.

Speaker 3 Wow, this can't be an HSL franchise. Something is wrong.
Is it 80 cents extra for some tartar sauce? Ugh. Yeah.
Regardless of COVID, this lady is very rude, loud, loud, and yells. Why? This is great.

Speaker 3 Everything is overpriced. She tricks you into making things a combo and charges you for sauces.

Speaker 3 Well, that's good. That's just good business.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's good business.
I was there with my friend for lunch. Two fish sandwiches of fries, the worst sandwich I've ever had in my life.

Speaker 3 Bad service.

Speaker 3 This is mean. We should go there and write a really good review.
I think I want to.

Speaker 3 I won't eat it, though. This is one of the worst quality fish and chip spots on the West Coast.

Speaker 3 Zero seasonings. Disappointed.
I am British. This is valid.
Okay, yeah. And let me read it like this guy:

Speaker 3 Benjamin V.

Speaker 3 Disappointed. I'm British, and this was not tasty.
Chips were French fries and no chiffy chips.

Speaker 3 Fish was a fin rang tangle. Barely any fish.
I've been to other ate salt, and this is not good. Yeah.
But then he took pretty good photos. That looks okay.

Speaker 3 This is my favorite. Chips were French fries and no chippy chips.
Well, clue in, Benjamin. We eat chips here in a bag.
Those are Doritos. We eat fries, and those are French fries, not chippy chips.

Speaker 3 Ben, this is a good one.

Speaker 3 Haven't had it since I was seven.

Speaker 3 Great service, great food. Thumbs up.
Do you think that's her at night right in here? it's the Chinese lady. This is her.
She's like, get a picture on Mexican boy. Put it up there.

Speaker 3 Constance, that's five from her. Yeah.

Speaker 3 Donnie is three.

Speaker 3 So

Speaker 3 it's not too bad, but it does scare me on the way through. Is there a good place in L.A.
to get fish and chips? I've heard on the west side they've got good spots, but I don't go near the beach.

Speaker 3 Connie and Ted's.

Speaker 3 It's a rip-off.

Speaker 3 Look, it's good food, but Connie Ted's. Why am I paying 80 bucks for

Speaker 3 it's good?

Speaker 3 Connie Ted's is great. I've had fish and chips there.
It's good. I used to live up literally around the corner from it.
I get it. Right.
And the fucking sushi place next door? Yeah. Don't go there.

Speaker 3 You know why? Why? My buddy got fucking worms from it. Exactly.
I'm not kidding. Right.
Got worms from the forest. Connie Towns and Ted's good.
It's good. Yeah.
It's good.

Speaker 3 You're the type of person, right? I cook my own fish. Okay, but you're the type of person.
I cook my own fish. Can I just say what kind of type of person you are? The guy who cooks his own fish?

Speaker 3 Yeah, you are that type as well. Thank you.
Right? But you're the type, right,

Speaker 3 that orders at a place like Connie and Ted's. Sure.
Right.

Speaker 3 And then you get the bill right

Speaker 3 and you go geez pricey huh

Speaker 3 whoppers man

Speaker 3 sure wasn't worth it you know the price though man it's just fish and you know I mean some some flavorings and some and whatnot but why is it 80 and then you're the type of person that probably goes will tell the waiter like he has no fucking control over it Right, you'll be like, wow, man,

Speaker 3 you probably do a joke. I had to mortgage my house on this one.

Speaker 3 Do some sort of joke, right? And they're like, what do you mean? He's like, I mean, an arm and a leg and a thigh. Take everything.
Well, it can't be an arm and a leg and a thigh.

Speaker 3 Your thigh is on your leg already. Yeah,

Speaker 3 the joke wouldn't work, right? It doesn't make any sense. That's what you say, right? Right? That's you, right? And then you probably like, stand up and make a pig to do look at the tables.
Yeah?

Speaker 3 Yeah. Boy.

Speaker 3 Something. I don't know what the joke is.

Speaker 3 You're that type of person, though. What you talk about, Willis?

Speaker 3 Okay, so check this out. I'm going to play this for you.
This is fucking insane.

Speaker 3 The reason I need you to get help with your sleep apnea, okay, is because they have these apps now that measure how you sleep, when you sleep, and also they can record you if you talk in your sleep.

Speaker 3 Okay. A good friend of mine talked in his sleep.
It's voice activated. He leaves it next to his bed, okay, and it just picks up shit in the middle of the night.
So when he starts,

Speaker 3 it turns on. You need to get this fucking thing.
Listen to this. This is so.
This is real, though. This is 100% real.
This is a comedian. No.

Speaker 3 This is a friend of mine from back home okay good this is insane you can fake it you know uh this is good

Speaker 3 There is no way. 100%.
Swear to God in my life. He sent me a dozen of them.
The app logs it. So they put it next to to your bed when you're sleeping, and it just turns on the moment you start.

Speaker 3 It starts to hear. He's not listening to that.
Go, what the fuck is wrong with it? He does. That's why he's scared.
He wants to go get help because he's talking to his sleep too much. Crazy.

Speaker 3 I got to get the app. What's it called?

Speaker 3 Wow. He's like mad in his sleep.
Yeah, he swears a lot too. He does.
Yeah.

Speaker 7 Let's have a folks who hunt that. He's like,

Speaker 3 Bro, that this sounds it sounds a little bit like he's speaking

Speaker 3 like a language almost.

Speaker 7 Let us have a folks who hunt that.

Speaker 3 He's drunk. Maybe he's drunk in the dream.
Sober.

Speaker 3 No, but he's in. Oh, in his dream, he's drunk.
Yeah, in the dream, he's at a bar. That's good.
And he's whispering to, like, you know, some old,

Speaker 3 the regular, the old lady that sits there that's an alcoholic. Yeah.
And he's telling some story.

Speaker 3 That's funny. Is that it? That could be it.
Listen to it again.

Speaker 3 Think of it in that way. And then

Speaker 7 200.

Speaker 7 Except

Speaker 7 200.

Speaker 3 That makes sense. Yeah.
Yeah.

Speaker 3 He's wasted. What is he in this one?

Speaker 7 She has to have walls pull her a bunch of

Speaker 7 paper.

Speaker 3 Oh, I know what it is, and I know what he's doing. What? He's teaching

Speaker 3 in front of a class. Do you want to know how crazy you're going to think I'm insane? What? He used to teach ESL.
Yeah, that's what he's doing.

Speaker 3 Seriously. I swear to God, yeah.
That's so creepy. That's what I heard.
He's teaching.

Speaker 3 He's walking around a classroom, right? And he's telling a student something.

Speaker 3 You know where he lived out of college. I don't know who this person is.
A good friend of mine. Guess where he lived out of college? If he taught ESL.
He taught ESL, English as a second language.

Speaker 3 New Hampshire. If I'm referencing you as my friend, where do you think he lived when he taught ESL? English as a second language.
New York. Out of this country.
Spain.

Speaker 3 Where do you think he lived, Jules?

Speaker 3 I don't know. Out of this country.
Exactly. BF Changs.
Exactly. New York.
BF Changs. Thank you, Andres.
South Korea. Exactly.
Fucking. South Korea.
So he's telling this to a student.

Speaker 3 A South Korean student.

Speaker 3 That's why he's walking around the class. He's not walking.
But that's what he's... That's something banging in his back.
Exactly. That's what he's doing.

Speaker 7 She has to have walls pull her up and fucking.

Speaker 7 I'm telling you,

Speaker 3 oops. Yep, oops, you got the answer wrong.

Speaker 3 Oops, you got the answer wrong. Is that really what that is? Yeah.
Huh. We got to help my buddy, though.
Isn't that fucking wild talking in his sleep? But what's the absence? Because I want to do it.

Speaker 3 Sleep talk.

Speaker 3 How obvious.

Speaker 3 How fucking annoying and obvious. Sleep talk is the name of the app.
Thank you for being a bad friend.