Pandas and Horses and Sheep, Oh My!

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Speaker 1 You two are bad friends.

Speaker 2 Who are these two idiots?

Speaker 2 You two are disgusting.

Speaker 2 We're bad friends. I switched Bobby's painting and your painting to darling, you're pure gold because that's more you, and that's more you.

Speaker 2 How great is that? For real. I think that that art is so cool looking.
Kasuke Niyagi. Shout out to Kasuke Miyagi.
Hi.

Speaker 2 Hi.

Speaker 2 I'm saying hi. Hi.
Hi. Hi.
Hi. No, but

Speaker 2 where's yours? Kasuke doesn't want to draw me. I'll be honest.
He didn't want to draw your face. You're complex, your face, though.

Speaker 2 It's gross. He couldn't draw me.
No, no, you're very.

Speaker 2 Handsome. Handsome.
I called him. I said, Kasuke, where's mine? And he literally was like, two.

Speaker 2 He's Asian? Kasuke Miyagi?

Speaker 2 No, he's from Puerto Rico. No, no, no.
No, he's seriously Puerto Rican. I played with a guy on Warzone.
His name is Yamakasi. Yamaha? Yamakasi?

Speaker 2 Yamakasi is his name? Yamakasi. Yeah, so I thought he was Japanese.
And then for like three weeks, eventually I said,

Speaker 2 so what part of Japan? He goes, no, man.

Speaker 2 I'm

Speaker 2 Bangladesh, man. Oh, Bangladeshian.
So I go, what's a Yamakazi then? I've been calling you I've been going, hey, Koketo Yakamakazi. On the war zone.
Hide behind the wall, Yamakazi.

Speaker 2 You know, and then... Get down, Kamikaze.
Yeah, but now it doesn't make any sense. No.
Yeah. That's okay.
Bangladeshian people come are named Yamakazi. Yamikaze.
Well, that's his gamer tag.

Speaker 2 So, you know, bro. You can make that up.
Well, yeah. What's your gamer tag? It's Bobby Lee Live.
It's Bobby Lee Live. Yeah.
That's for everybody.

Speaker 2 You know what I love is that when you're playing, because on the screen, it'll say friend requests or followers. Oh, yeah.
So I'm playing with all my guys, and then it'll say it. Do you wait?

Speaker 2 Do you know how? Can you see how many people other people follow? Or follow other people? No. So you just tells me all the notifications.
And you get off on that.

Speaker 2 I get off. Papa gets excited.

Speaker 2 I'll be playing it.

Speaker 2 I passed somebody. And it'll go bing, bing.
You know what I mean? You're getting. And Papa gets excited.
And then you get better. And what I've also been doing is, this is great.

Speaker 2 What I've been doing is,

Speaker 2 so I'll be on Warzone with my friend, Raimi, and I'll be like, you want to play with somebody? He's like, let's just play duo. I go, No, let's find a fan.
That's cool.

Speaker 2 So, I'll go to my messages, and I get hundreds of messages. And people go, Slept King, or you know, I mean, I'm a big fan of Bad Friends.
Can we play? You know, I'm really good.

Speaker 2 This is my KD, and I've won, you know, 500 times. What's KD? My kid, my killed, killed.
Death rage, I figured it out,

Speaker 2 and then

Speaker 2 I'll be like, like, they're really good, right? Yeah, so then when we play,

Speaker 2 they're not good.

Speaker 2 Do you know why? Because they're nervous. Yes.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 And then I'll be like, okay, well,

Speaker 2 you got your chance. And then they put it up.
I was nervous. My hands are sweaty.
What if I don't, you gotta be nice to me? No, I go, bye-bye.

Speaker 2 Because you have to deliver

Speaker 2 under pressure. What if I got killed himself because you because of you? Yeah, there's one guy named Ben Riley.
He's a nice kid. Rest in peace.

Speaker 2 He's not dead. Not yet.
But he's messaging me. Hey, can you he keeps messaging me? Can you give me another shot? No.

Speaker 2 Ben. Ben.
You got to hit the ball. You got to hit the ball.
Yeah. It's t-ball.
It's t-ball, though. It's t-ball.
Yeah. You just got to swing, bud.
You got to step up and

Speaker 2 you have to

Speaker 2 fulfill your destiny. Yeah.
Yeah, you do.

Speaker 2 You have to become the person that you're supposed to become. Yes.
And if you can't. The bars here.
It's very low. You just got to feel that.
You kind of have to just step right over it. Right.

Speaker 2 So, but I love when they get nervous, because because when they die right away they go i don't know what happened

Speaker 2 i go what happened i don't know what happened what happened was yeah you fucked up but this kid raimy that i play with he's good the reason why i like him though is he kept messaging me and i go let's play this happened when i first started playing and he for some reason he's 21 year one year old kid from georgia and now everyone loves him he's friends with everybody now yeah

Speaker 2 and he um he stepped up is it because his skill level or also because he's fun to engage with? He is very polite. But does he talk shit like everyone talks shit?

Speaker 2 He tries to, but he doesn't have the chat. Does he have a strong southern accent? Yeah.
But he'll try to do joke.

Speaker 2 Hey, man, this is like, hey, Kawabunga, man.

Speaker 2 And then we'll be like, Kawabunga, what the fuck are you talking about? Hey, man, we're just, we're radical. We're being radical out here, man.
Hey, man.

Speaker 2 Bobby was molested, man.

Speaker 2 He was molested by a guy with Down syndrome, man. Bobby, remember when you ate poop? Yeah, yeah.
Remember when you ate poop?

Speaker 2 But it'll it'll be like in a, you know what I mean, after we've told somebody happy birthday.

Speaker 2 Right, right. I'll be like, hey, happy birthday, Jeremy.
He's like, goddamn, Bobby was molested, man. And it's like, the timing's not.
Is it Theo? Is this Theo? And is that who you're really playing?

Speaker 2 No, no, no. By the way, Neil Brennan sent me a video on YouTube that came out a week ago.
What?

Speaker 2 Theo's family. Theo Vaughn's family.
Do you want to see it? Yeah, yeah. This is crazy.
I know what his mom looks like. This is his whole family on YouTube.
Yeah. Look at this.

Speaker 2 This is Theo Vaughn's whole family. Oh, yeah, yeah.
I've seen it. I met the.
Oh, wait.

Speaker 2 That's his uncle in the red. That's his uncle? Yeah, right there.
That's Theo's uncle.

Speaker 2 Is that Theo's brother or dad on the couch?

Speaker 2 That's his uncle, the guy in the red. Right.
That's his mom right there in the blue. Right.
So, what are your names? His brother. Yeah.
He's off to the right. Okay.

Speaker 2 Yeah. And in a second, his brother will hide.

Speaker 2 This is what his brother loves to do. His brother loves to hide.
He tells me All these stories growing up where his brother hides. Years ago, watch the video.

Speaker 2 He said, My brother used to run and hide, dude. He gets so scared, man.
He just lightning claps, or even lawnmowers will do it.

Speaker 2 And your name is Lorraine. Lorraine.
Lares Lorraine. Yeah.
That's his aunt. And there's Timmy, his brother.
His brother Timmy. How do you guys grew up here in Odd, West Virginia?

Speaker 2 So let me explain, for people that can't see it that are listening at home, there was a video that Neil Brennan sent me. Yeah.
This is called The Whitakers.

Speaker 2 They quoted them as the most inbred family in the United States. They have the longest lineage of inbredness.

Speaker 2 It's pretty brilliant. It is brilliant.
Their eyes are like hammerhead sharks.

Speaker 2 I know.

Speaker 2 But what I'm wondering is if that guy, the guy in the red,

Speaker 2 through time,

Speaker 2 that happened. Because all he goes is.

Speaker 2 Well, he no, the dog barks and it influences his bark. So you see the dog goes.
But he doesn't ever speak. Yeah, he barked.
He's dog talk. Yeah, but he doesn't ever speak regular English.

Speaker 2 So what I'm wondering is, at 12, he was like, hello, my name is, you know. Came out British? Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Hello, my name is Frank. Or whatever, right?

Speaker 2 And then at 22, he's like, hello, my name is Frank. And then 30.
He's like, 30 years.

Speaker 2 Yeah, right, right. And then

Speaker 2 over time. Yeah.
You think? Yeah, developed. Developed.
Well, dude, here's what's, and at first I thought, at first, I thought I shouldn't say anything about this because this is mean.

Speaker 2 But then they're not handicapped. This isn't making fun of disabled.
This is just inbred. I mean,

Speaker 2 I think that's what happens when you inbreed too much. That's what happens.
But I got to tell you,

Speaker 2 if this isn't a reason to not have sex with your brother or sister, watch five minutes of this, it's staggering.

Speaker 2 Also, the lady right there. Yeah.
Because she has one eye that goes that way. Well, they all have eyes that go all the way.
Yeah, yeah. But imagine making love to her.

Speaker 2 You have to keep going like this. You like that bit? What? Hey, what's over there?

Speaker 2 What's over there? What's up? Over to the side. You just have to put mirrors all over so she keeps looking back at you.
Yeah. And then one eye is like, oh, it'll be very strange.

Speaker 2 I would have to just, you know. Cover up.
Cover up my eyes. Well, it has to be dark.
But at first, I saw this video and I thought, this can't be, this has got to be a, I thought this was a sketch.

Speaker 2 I'm not kidding. Yeah.
When he sent it to me, I go, this is a, someone's doing a comedy sketch. Yeah.
It's so funny because you didn't prep me on this. Yeah.
Isn't it odd that I know?

Speaker 2 They're from odd Virginia. How did you see it?

Speaker 2 I just know about videos.

Speaker 2 Something popped off. Yeah.
Because it only came out a couple days ago. But Brennan sent it to me.
He literally wrote. He sends it to me.
Oh, he did? Yeah. My brother likes to send me shit.

Speaker 2 Brennan goes, I don't know why I needed to send this to you. Yeah.
But I had to. And I watched it.
I was like, this is exactly what I needed.

Speaker 2 But what's funny is that what the other guy does, the guy at the end of the couch. The guy that's sitting on the right.
Eventually he'll walk out, right? Hold on, let's scan through.

Speaker 2 He'll make a sandwich or something. Well, they all make sandwiches.
He'll go back in, right? Yeah.

Speaker 2 And he just starts to hide. Right.
Did you see that? Yeah, he hides away. Yeah.
Yeah. He'll like, he crawls somewhere.
Right. Right.
Maybe that's his.

Speaker 2 Maybe they play an afternoon game of hide and go seek. I don't know what they're up to out there in Odd Virginia.
This is a very staggeringly sad picture, and it obviously is their handicapped.

Speaker 2 I recant what I said before because I'm an idiot. It's not a fair picture, though.
What do you mean?

Speaker 2 The lighting is bad? No, it's like, you know, that there was a point where that drool wasn't there. No, that drool's always there.
No, no, no, no. There was a point where the drool was building.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 Right? He could have taken that photo. Right.
But he waited until it got to the point. So you're saying the photographer exploited these guys? A little too.

Speaker 2 I think this guy, when I looked on this video,

Speaker 2 it seems very...

Speaker 2 It's really... They're exploiting this family for his sake of his documentary.
Because he doesn't show a lot of heart about it.

Speaker 2 He's not a lot. He's kind of just like, look at how crazy.
But by the way,

Speaker 2 beyond jokes, it is insane to think that five generations will have sex with their family. Yeah.
Five times, five decades of people were like, okay.

Speaker 2 It's not fair because I've never been to Odd Virginia. I can't.
Or West Virginia. I see it.
I get it.

Speaker 2 There might be, there's not, it's not as if there's like suicide girls walking around where you could tap them. There's probably only the Whitakers.

Speaker 2 Okay, you're saying you're only as good as your options are. Well, the options aren't.
Well, who are you going to fuck? Not your family. Yeah, but if there's no one around.
Not your family.

Speaker 2 I know, but just hear me out. And you feverishly masturbate until you're me.

Speaker 2 Let's say I had

Speaker 2 a sister. All right, we're going to have to put music over this.

Speaker 2 I'm just trying to play it out of my head. Yeah, but look.
Let me just play it out of my head. All right, here we are in Odd Virginia.
No, we're in.

Speaker 2 Yeah, yeah. No, we're in

Speaker 2 Tohoku. Tohoko, West Virginia.
No, Tohoko.

Speaker 2 It's a different Asian community. Yeah, it's an Asian community in West Virginia.

Speaker 2 Well, how do you do a Japanese? Toco, Wilson, Virginia.

Speaker 2 It's a southern Japanese. Tohoko Quilter.
Toko, West Virginia.

Speaker 2 Yeah, yeah. So.
Okay, so you're out there in West Virginia toho. Tohoko, West Virginia.

Speaker 2 And

Speaker 2 I don't go to school. Yeah.
There's no school. No schools.
And the only families are the Lee's, right, and the Jungs. I know the Jungs.
Yeah, the Jungs. Lees and the Jungs.
Yeah, yeah. They're there.

Speaker 2 But the Jungs only have boys. All boys.
Yeah, are all boys. And the Lee's have, my brother Steve, now is a girl.
Yeah, what's Stephanie? Right, Stephanie Lee. Right.

Speaker 2 And the Jungs, you know, I fucked everyone already.

Speaker 2 In town? Or the family? Oh, the Jungs. The family.

Speaker 2 So the entire family. I've got guys.
So Ken, Bob, Steve, Kevin, Mark,

Speaker 2 and Randy. And Randy.
Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Yeah. And when you're done.
And for some reason, Vladimir.

Speaker 2 He's like, I love to see you, Bobby. Yeah.
And then, you know, the only women around is my mom. And the Jung's, Mrs.
Jung. Mrs.
Jung. Oh, that's right, Mrs.
Jung. Yeah.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 And then my sister, Stephanie. Right on.

Speaker 2 So after you knock out the mom. I'm 33.

Speaker 2 I decided to drink some,

Speaker 2 you know. Moonshine.
Not moonshine.

Speaker 2 What's the Japanese one?

Speaker 2 uh

Speaker 2 sake. Sake, sake.
Yeah, sake.

Speaker 2 Sake, sake.

Speaker 2 A little too much sun. Yeah, it's a yeah, having a night.
I go.

Speaker 2 I have to do an agent at some kind of. Hey.
Hey yo.

Speaker 2 Hey!

Speaker 2 Stephanie! Oh yeah, oh yes, brother.

Speaker 2 Good night.

Speaker 2 Oh good night.

Speaker 2 Close my door.

Speaker 2 And then

Speaker 2 an hour later. Debly.

Speaker 2 Debly.

Speaker 2 I saw I'm on top of you.

Speaker 2 I just can't believe five. I saw.
Okay, how about this, though? Somebody had to know in the family the first time that they were like,

Speaker 2 ooh,

Speaker 2 that's not, that's bad.

Speaker 2 But then one person went, it's not that bad.

Speaker 2 Or someone, Someone had to go, I guess it's not that bad

Speaker 2 because this is so many years of it. Yeah.

Speaker 2 This isn't the first fucking time. This is all the time.

Speaker 2 It's terrible. It's terrible.
It's terrible. It's like.

Speaker 3 And we're not being mean.

Speaker 3 Inbred is gross.

Speaker 2 Fucking your family is fucking.

Speaker 2 Isn't it illegal? Isn't it illegal?

Speaker 2 I hope so. Is incest illegal? I hope it is.

Speaker 2 Rudy, is incest illegal. Is incest illegal?

Speaker 2 Somebody wrote, is it a crime? Incest sexual relations between family members who are not spouses, formerly known as incests, is illegal across the U.S.

Speaker 2 because of the harm it can cause to family relationships.

Speaker 2 That's why? Family relationships? No. It should be about, you know, creating...
Brain damage.

Speaker 2 Incest often can be charged as violation of a different law, such as child abuse, child mestation, rape, or statutory rape. But that's my thing.
If two-bestiality is illegal.

Speaker 2 Yes. Animal fucking? I don't think it is.

Speaker 2 Yes, it is, right, Rude? I think so.

Speaker 2 Is bestiality.

Speaker 2 That's beastly. That's...

Speaker 2 Illegal to watch. Oh, dude.
And now my computer is going to be... Yeah, you're getting flagged by the FBI.

Speaker 2 Illegal? Is bestiality illegal? Notably, the legality of bestiality cannot be controlled from the federal level. The only relevant federal law is the sodomy law under the military level.
There we go.

Speaker 2 So if you're in the military, you can't fuck animals. Yeah, but

Speaker 2 they find a way. They find a way.
Where there's a will, there's a way. You can't be out there

Speaker 2 in the.

Speaker 2 I think there should be like a list of animals that you couldn't, shouldn't fuck. All of them.
Like, if they die.

Speaker 2 Like, if I fucked a gerbil, it would die.

Speaker 2 Well, you couldn't even, you couldn't do it. It wouldn't work.
Oh, I could make it warm. You'd put it in and go, poof.

Speaker 2 I know, but you would die. That's why.
It wouldn't implode. Or it'd be like one of those.
Remember when we were kids and those little worm things you'd put over your finger, like the gel molds? Yeah.

Speaker 2 Do you know what I'm talking about? Do you know those things from the store? They didn't have those in the Philippines. You probably used real animals as toys, didn't you? No.

Speaker 2 You chase an animal, beat it, and then they would just play with it all day. Yeah.
If there was an animal you had to have sex with, though. Forced?

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 Probably sheep.

Speaker 2 I'm from Ireland. I think they do that shit all the time.
Yeah. Sheep.
I think because it's soft. Yeah.
And they're, don't laugh at me. Yeah.
I think because they're soft. Yeah.

Speaker 2 And even if they get upset, they're just like, eh.

Speaker 2 So it's not that bad.

Speaker 2 For me, it would be Panda. Oh, okay.
Because they're so cute. Well, I didn't even think that's through.
And you could, I could, I, here's the thing.

Speaker 2 If I was having sex with an animal, I wouldn't want them to think, hey,

Speaker 2 hey there. Yeah.
Right.

Speaker 2 Somebody fucking me. Right.
I wouldn't want them to think that. You just want it to be a thing.
I don't want them to go, hey there.

Speaker 2 Well, then if you fucked a big animal, then I was like, what I would do with a panda is you give them grade A bamboo. Oh, like high.
I would love to chew that shit. Waigoo bamboo.
Right?

Speaker 2 So I'd be like, here's bamboo. They'd be like, hey there.

Speaker 2 And then I would, you know what I mean?

Speaker 2 And they'd be just so focused on. But don't they get so fucked up from the eucalyptus? Is that eucalyptus' is that pandas? No, man.
Who eats eucalyptus? Sloths. Sloths.
And they black out, right?

Speaker 2 They just pass out.

Speaker 2 Yeah, they get really fucking high. This is a dark thing, but

Speaker 2 I don't know why I thought about this, but let's just suppose bestiality.

Speaker 2 Just hear me out.

Speaker 2 Was a huge thing in the world. What do you mean, like a normal dude? Because right now there's probably seven dudes.
Who do it? Yeah. You're crazy.

Speaker 2 In New Zealand, apparently, a lot of farmers fuck sheep. Okay, I don't want to know that, but let's just assume it's.

Speaker 2 Let's just assume it's 20 dudes. Okay.
All right. 20 dudes.
Let's suppose now let's jack it up to a million dudes do it. Okay, so it became like a normal thing.
It's kind of normal.

Speaker 2 In some semblance of society. Yeah.
I think the one animal that would be completely just

Speaker 2 off limits.

Speaker 2 No,

Speaker 2 they would just be extinct oh because of it because of it is the sloth right because they're so easy to catch they go they can't go anywhere they can't i mean imagine because sloth they go whoa sloths live in trees how can you get them because i thought about this right

Speaker 2 honestly i don't know why i thought about this but in papua new guinea there's a lot of sloths right i didn't know that there is right yeah so what they would do is they would go to papua new guinea right and sloths you don't know i googled this i don't know why i don't know why i researched this but sloths they come to the ground while they take a shit or they go to the bathroom I've seen this, right?

Speaker 2 I've seen this in Costa Rica. They come to the ground, right? Yeah.
So imagine a bunch of sloths in the tree, right?

Speaker 2 Where are you going, Johnny? And sloth's like, I gotta take a shit. You gotta take a shit.
I'll be right back. And as soon as he lands, get him! 50 dudes come out.
They form a train. Yeah.
Right?

Speaker 2 And then he's trying to run away. Right?

Speaker 2 And he's like, and his buddies are going,

Speaker 2 Run,

Speaker 2 Frankie. And Frankie's, I'm trying

Speaker 2 to run,

Speaker 2 right? And he gets on the tree. Right.
He's already been raped 40, 50 times, right?

Speaker 2 And people are like jumping up and tagging him.

Speaker 2 Right. And just ripping him.
Well, as he goes up,

Speaker 2 the taller guys get to go. Yeah, the taller guys, right?

Speaker 2 I mean, that would be a nightmare. They'd be extinct.

Speaker 2 And then by the time he gets back up there, they're like, are you okay? He's like, it's fine.

Speaker 2 They liked it. What animals off limits? That's the real question.
Yeah. Rudy, what's a big no-no? If it was normal, we're joking about it.
We're joking about it, and we're never disgusting.

Speaker 2 But if it was normal, what animal was a big no.

Speaker 2 What's the one animal that you're like, no, you can't. They can't touch it.

Speaker 2 Um,

Speaker 2 probably

Speaker 2 like small ones. Like dogs? No.
I think she means smaller.

Speaker 2 Oh, dogs are okay. Yeah.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 Well, if we're assuming that this is a real thing. All right, right.
So dogs are okay. Because people eat them already.

Speaker 2 Right, right, right, right. So what's the difference? So what's smaller dog? You mean like

Speaker 2 hamsters and gerbils? Rabbit bunnies? Yeah, bunnies. But see, bunny would be so nice.
It's so soft.

Speaker 2 Yeah, so soft. Bestiality doesn't exist with women.
I'm sure there's not one woman. Oh, I've seen it.
What?

Speaker 2 Where? Videos where a woman has blown a horse or has fucked a horse. No.
Oh, yeah. Shut up.
I've seen videos like that. Back in the day, yeah.
That's got to be fake. How do you

Speaker 2 think? You think that these people went to ILM? A horse? They went to George Lucas's fucking company and went. These penises are like six feet long.
They're map. There is a fucking documentary.

Speaker 2 Just stop. Don't Google.
Don't Google. There's a documentary.

Speaker 2 Average horse penis size. Let's see.

Speaker 3 Dude, you don't. 20 inches.

Speaker 2 You never saw.

Speaker 2 That's the average. Is

Speaker 2 fucking a half. You never saw zoo.

Speaker 2 The movie Zoo? There's a documentary called Zoo. Uh-huh.
And it's about a businessman. Yeah.

Speaker 2 I swear to God. I don't know it.
Go put Zoo documentary.

Speaker 2 Look, Zoo documentary. Oh, wow.
There it is. Yeah.

Speaker 2 2007 film called.

Speaker 2 Okay, so go to the image of that poster of the

Speaker 2 horse. If you look in the eye of the horse.
It's a naked woman. It's a naked man.
Oh.

Speaker 2 Okay. Gross.
So the documentary about is an actual incident where a man tells his wife, hey, I have a business convention in Washington.

Speaker 2 I haven't seen the documentary in a while, so I might get a couple of facts wrong. Let's make up more stuff.
Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 Right. But this is essentially what it is.
Sure. And

Speaker 2 his wife and his daughter went, all right, you want us to go? Yeah. I'll get a hotel.
You know what I mean? So while they're at the hotel, he goes to a farm because

Speaker 2 in the internet, there's a bestiality group that they get together. What? Yes.
This isn't. It's just real.
So it's like a meetup. It says like a Reddit thread for bestiality people? Right.

Speaker 2 It's like, what's going on today, horse hookers? His wife and his daughter is in a hotel.

Speaker 2 Right.

Speaker 2 And then he's at a fucking farm with dudes from Japan, from Canada. People fly all over the world to do this.

Speaker 2 Who owns the farm that lets this happen? The King Beast. King Beast? Yeah, the King Beastman, right? His name is King Beastman.
Carl.

Speaker 2 I guess Carl. He's like, hey, welcome, fellas.
So what they do is they.

Speaker 2 I hope you got your animal fucking shoes on. You know that stirrup thing that they let the horse go up? No.
Yeah, there's a thing where they put the horse on some sort of like

Speaker 2 lift it to do some, like to clean it and stuff like that. Maybe the horseshoes and stuff? Maybe.
I don't know. I don't know how to horsemen.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 But so they lift it in that thing, and then they take turns getting fucked by the horse. No, no.
Yeah. No.
Yeah, they steer the.

Speaker 2 So

Speaker 2 you need a bunch of guys there

Speaker 2 to help steer the dick. It's like a crane operator.

Speaker 2 It's like you need guys.

Speaker 2 Back it up.

Speaker 2 And so they steer the dick in, right?

Speaker 2 So this has actually happened.

Speaker 2 So they do the session, right? I don't know what they call it. You know what I mean? I think it's sessions, right? Sessions, right?

Speaker 2 And I guess he goes to sleep there in the barn. You can sleep after that?

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 Do you get fucked by a horse?

Speaker 2 You're not in agonizing pain. He passes out in the barn that he got sexed in.
No, what happens is, so while all his buddies are sleeping,

Speaker 2 he goes, I'm going to get another go. Oh, he wants one more go.
Yeah, but I don't want to wake anyone up. You know what I mean? I don't think he wants to do it by himself.
I'm going to do it myself.

Speaker 2 Idiot. You always got to bring a friend.
Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 2 The buddy says that.

Speaker 2 And I guess he goes to the barn and he tries to do it. And the horse

Speaker 2 penetrates him so hard, it punctures his stomach lining.

Speaker 2 And his organs and his stomach all came out of his asshole. Yes.
And he died. Yeah, it makes perfect sense.
Right.

Speaker 2 And then what the police had to do is go to the hotel and inform his wife and his daughter. Okay.
What's that? What's the I don't? I want to be the police. I want to be the police.

Speaker 2 Hello. What? It's it's

Speaker 2 3.30 in the morning. I'm sorry.
Are you Mrs. Jefferson? I am.
Is something wrong?

Speaker 2 Yeah. And you're the wife of Todd.

Speaker 2 Todd Jefferson. yes, that's my husband, Todd Jefferson.
What? Oh, my God, is he okay?

Speaker 2 Was he drinking okay?

Speaker 2 No, he there was an unfortunate incident. Oh, my God, at DUI? No.
Did he hit anybody? No. He's a terrible alcoholic, and I know that's a big vice of his.

Speaker 2 And we're trying to get him help, and good God, I hope he fixes his issues.

Speaker 2 Oh, God, did he hurt himself? He was punctured by horse dick. What?

Speaker 2 I'm sorry. Punctured by a horse dick.

Speaker 2 He was punctured.

Speaker 2 What are you saying to me, officer?

Speaker 2 The dick. You knew the horse.
You know what it was. He was driving drunk, drunk and he hit a horse and the horse penis killed him.

Speaker 2 No, not necessarily, though. You know, let me.
Do you know about the horse anatomy? Of course, yes. Horses have penises.
I don't know if you're. Sure, the bales.
That penis of a horse

Speaker 2 punctured the stomach lining of your husband. What was he doing near the horse of a

Speaker 2 penis of a horse?

Speaker 2 Stretching.

Speaker 2 Oh, he was just getting ready for the big game. No, no, no, no.
He'd been over.

Speaker 2 You're telling me my husband was having sex with a horse and he killed him? Yeah.

Speaker 2 I should have directly told you that.

Speaker 2 That's my bad now.

Speaker 2 The fact that you had to dance around it. But imagine if the cop was like this, if it was just.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 Hello? Yes.

Speaker 2 What time is it? Hello. You Barbara Jefferson, Todd Jefferson's wife? Yes, I am.
Yeah, your husband's dead. He got fucked to death by a horse.
We got to wrap this up.

Speaker 2 They just throw it away. Yeah, they would just throw it away.
This is a real. I've never heard of this thing.
Yeah, but it's funny. You can't find the document.
I tried to buy it. Amazon?

Speaker 2 I couldn't find it.

Speaker 2 Amazon always has this kind of shit on it. Yeah, you got to watch that document.
I have to watch it. Yeah, yeah.
What, what, what? Five out of six out of ten IMDb?

Speaker 2 Rotten Tomatoes liked it a little bit. Yeah, it didn't go really.

Speaker 2 I think they, there was just obviously some footage. They couldn't get interviews with the fucking wife and the dog.
But what does this really mean?

Speaker 2 Let's try to think this out. Because they say it's a, you know, they say taboo topics like this.
This isn't taboo. Something happened.
Because what would lead you to want to have sex with an animal?

Speaker 2 No.

Speaker 2 You've never looked at an animal and gone. I know what it is.
What? Trauma? No, they've talked because I've heard interviews with beastie people that are into Beastie Boys. Beasties?

Speaker 2 Is that what the Beastie Boys are?

Speaker 2 No. And it's their

Speaker 2 affinity and their love. So they're in love with

Speaker 2 them so close to nature

Speaker 2 and animals because they love it so much that they find them erotic. Really? Yeah.

Speaker 2 That's so strange. I know.
It's like when a guy fucks his car. I know.
I saw that guy, but that guy's really mentally. There's something.

Speaker 2 He loves cars. I love cars.
Yeah. I would never, there is no sexualization of it.
Yeah, I know. You don't love them that much, though.
I do. I love it.

Speaker 2 People have sex with balloons. That's fine.
People have sex with

Speaker 2 everything. Trees.

Speaker 2 Trees I'm kind of okay with. And people just have...
I don't know what it is. Maybe you think they were molested by a car or molested by a tree and they're fucking.

Speaker 2 An old Mitsubishi Galant fucked them when they were seven or maybe it could be this maybe it could be you know let's say a guy I fuck cars

Speaker 2 and it turns out that my dad was super into cars but my dad got into a car accident and died or my dad molested me in a car in a car on the yeah and that's the car you love having sex with yeah

Speaker 2 or something like that that could be close that could be close is that close rude yeah are you following any of this logic

Speaker 2 we shouldn't be talking this talk talking about this in front of you well well what it's a real thing. It's a real documentary.
Yeah, it's so sad to think, though. It's disgusting.
I'm sorry.

Speaker 2 No, I'm not sorry. That's so gross.
Don't fuck animals. Why? People is fine.
People seem fine. I guess there's something wrong.
There must be something wrong.

Speaker 2 It just reminds me of when Jeffrey Dahmer, you know. Mm-hmm.

Speaker 2 Jeffrey Dahmer. He's going to like the darkest podcast.
I ever know. We're going to like the.
I know. We're the deepest.
Oh, forget it. No, because by the way, Jeffrey Dahmer.

Speaker 2 I don't want to talk about Jeffrey Dahmer. All right.
All right. But

Speaker 2 Jeffrey Dahmer.

Speaker 2 Jeffrey Dahmer, so he would capture men, right? Yeah. He would drill a hole in the body.
In their head. Milwaukee.
Milwaukee. And he would put acid in their brain.
Because what he wanted was

Speaker 2 a live human body that just didn't think. Yeah.
You think that has a lot to do with bestiality in terms of like...

Speaker 2 Like, that's like necrophilia. That's when people have sex with dead things.
No, but he wasn't dead. He wanted the body to be alive.

Speaker 2 So, but he didn't want the thing they think.

Speaker 2 Oh, it's like Frankenstein. Yeah, like a warm-blooded, but just sex

Speaker 2 doll, doll

Speaker 2 that just couldn't make decisions and was kind of brain dead. The worst story about that, did you hear about the guy he ran away from his house?

Speaker 2 There's Jeffrey Dahmer stories of people that know, you know,

Speaker 2 he ran from the house

Speaker 2 and he ran into a cop. Yep.
He had a hole in his brain. Yeah.
And the cop saw this guy, and Dahmer ran up quick enough and was like, he's just drunk. He's my lover.
He's wasted.

Speaker 2 And the cops were were like, get out of here, you crazy kids.

Speaker 2 They didn't see a fucking hole in his head. Yeah.
How insane are these cops? How dumb were these cops that they were just like, yeah, you're partying too hard. Go home.
Hit a hole in his fucking head.

Speaker 2 How did those cops keep their job? Milwaukee. Right.
It's Wisconsin. Yeah.
Dude, you know what Wisconsin is?

Speaker 2 They don't have many laws up there. You can have as many DUIs as you want.
It's not a, you know, we're a three-strike state.

Speaker 2 If you've got three DUIs in California, you'd be suspended licensed for the rest of your life. Forever.
If you've got got three DUIs here, you can never drive again. You're done.
That's it. Okay.

Speaker 2 Wisconsin, there is no limit. You can have as many DUIs as you want.
You can keep drinking and driving until you kill somebody.

Speaker 2 I don't know, but there's a far cry from that.

Speaker 2 And,

Speaker 2 you know. But I'm saying that's their last law.
They're like a tie guy getting eaten. They can just keep getting DUIs and nobody cares.
So if that's your last law, imagine all the other laws.

Speaker 2 Yeah, you're right. Yeah, it's like they must not give a shit.
And it's funny that because Dahmer went up there, he wasn't from Wisconsin. Nobody but he wanted to live around the college.

Speaker 2 There's a college campus there called Millburg.

Speaker 2 There's other college campuses. There was a specific reason why he went to Wisconsin, I think.
Well, Marquette's a religious school. He was religious.

Speaker 2 And so he was a devout Christian. But Ed Gein's from Wisconsin.
He is? Yeah. Oh, wow.
Yeah. Something about Wisconsin.
Something about Wisconsin. That is really cool.

Speaker 2 And then when I played Wisconsin, I went to Madison. I played comedy on A Street.
Comedy on State. Is that what it's called? Yeah.
It's the greatest club and the greatest people I've ever met. Period.

Speaker 2 Period. Period.
Yeah, it's the best. That was one of the best clubs.
I miss stand-up so much. I know, Papa Bob.
It's okay. I do too.
I do too, baby boy. It's okay.
It's okay.

Speaker 2 Rudy, you see what you did?

Speaker 2 This is all because of you. There's been so many goddamn fucking videos put up now.
Like, we can't even keep up with how many videos are like.

Speaker 2 Did you see the guy in Northern California that was like, fucking Asian piece of shit? Oh my god. You have it? He's just sitting at dinner.
He's like sitting having dinner. And he just said he calls

Speaker 2 Asian racist

Speaker 2 in SS. What's that down there?

Speaker 2 Here it is. Look at how fast that came up.
Look at this tech CEO.

Speaker 2 What's wrong with you? You need to leave.

Speaker 2 Asian piece of

Speaker 2 whoa. Okay, say that again.

Speaker 2 We're big.

Speaker 2 Yeah, say that again.

Speaker 3 Oh, now you're shy? Say it again. Say it again.
Now you're shy?

Speaker 2 What's wrong with you? Say it over time.

Speaker 2 Middle finger. I'm sorry, you need to leave.
Yeah,

Speaker 2 that is not appropriate.

Speaker 2 Trump's going to fuck you.

Speaker 2 You f

Speaker 2 need to leave. Fuckers need to leave.
He said he's not.

Speaker 2 No, you need to leave.

Speaker 2 You need to leave now.

Speaker 2 Asian piece of shit.

Speaker 2 Oh my god.

Speaker 2 You fucking Asian piece of shit. This guy is a CEO of a huge tech company.
Not anymore. Nope.
No. Bye-bye.
Bye.

Speaker 2 But he's drunk. He's obviously drunk.
No, his apology, he said he was totally sober. No, he was blacked out, of course.
Yeah, he was drunk. Yeah.
It's like...

Speaker 2 So are you allowed to be racist if you're drunk? I don't know what I've said, drunk?

Speaker 2 yeah but you don't attack people for you don't you don't turn into a racist just because you get drunk you know but i've said crazy things drunk you would never be out having a drink and go hey you fucking blacks you would never that's not yeah maybe it would actually now that i think about it yeah maybe you would no but i could say stuff like god damn fucking dark loving it man

Speaker 2 color of your darkness

Speaker 2 yeah but that's hot yeah but like something would come out this guy's bad

Speaker 2 I would probably sing a song, right? Or something, right? Sure. Hey, Friole, Friole.
You know what I mean? And it's do something like that, and then people tape it. Yeah, but this guy is.

Speaker 2 Why am I defending this music? What are you doing?

Speaker 2 I'm defending this music.

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Speaker 2 When people say, because I haven't really, I've never really talked about this because,

Speaker 2 you know, it drives me crazy when I see, like, I'll go on Twitter and I'll see

Speaker 2 a public service announcement from like Asian actors. I've never, by the way.
You're never asked. I'm never asked to do it.
They know better.

Speaker 2 Hey, you won't do it. I won't do it because you're not.

Speaker 2 Like, hey, I'm Daniel Day Kim, and, you know, anti you know racist rhetoric is wrong you know i mean and i'm ken jung you know and we're all the same people this and that i'm never invited to that yeah because they see one episode of this show or hear it and they're like oh no right so but

Speaker 2 i'm anti that too what

Speaker 2 i i feel the same way as other asians i i feel like you know the rhetoric that's happening i'm not gonna say the guy's name or people's names but when you call you know the coronavirus kung flu and you call it the china virus all that stuff it it it incites you know these feelings amongst certain sections.

Speaker 2 Asians. No, of certain white people in this country.
Oh, you're saying

Speaker 2 it incites something within them, and then they are more vocal about it. Sure.

Speaker 2 That's common sense. Well, but it's hard to communicate that because

Speaker 2 it's like saying,

Speaker 2 How do you assume that one leads to the other?

Speaker 2 But you have proof when you go, when you aggressively say something about immigrants, automatically we see the video in Arizona where the girl's like, you fucking go to Mexico, Mexico, bitch. Yeah.

Speaker 2 It becomes this like,

Speaker 2 they justify it. But they justify saying it.
But I'm not, I don't think that I'm

Speaker 2 saying.

Speaker 2 I think that cancel culture is a little out of control. Well, sure.
And,

Speaker 2 you know,

Speaker 2 does this guy deserve his whole life to be ruined because of one drunken mistake? No, I know what you're saying. What you're saying is.
And I don't know know if I'm there anymore with that.

Speaker 2 No, okay, let me say this, though. Yeah.
I understand what you're saying. I agree.
You shouldn't have your life ripped away. This guy shouldn't have his entire life ripped away forever.

Speaker 2 But that being said,

Speaker 2 now that we live in this time that you know you could be filmed, why would you black out, be at a table, and when someone does pull up a camera, you still double down and go, agent piece of shit.

Speaker 2 I know. He doubled down.
He did double down. If he in the video went, I'm sorry, I've had too much to drink and I'm acting.
I got to go home. He probably could have fixed it.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 But you have two ways to go. But also.
Because they turn the camera on. They go, all right, say it again.
Yeah, they yeah. At that point, listen, white people.
Yeah. You can say racist shit.

Speaker 2 Well, say it to me. Oh, sorry, white people.
Yes. You can say racist shit.
Thank you. But we've said this before on the podcast.
When a camera comes out, right? Yeah. Learn how to act.
Turn it up.

Speaker 2 Oh, okay. Turn it down.
Learn how to act. Right on.
You switch characters. If you want to be racist, let's put it like this.
If you want to be racist, do it at home.

Speaker 2 Do it in the goodness of your own home. Yeah.
Yeah, just be a racist inside. You know, all the Asians you know, bring them into your house.
And do it there. Do it there.

Speaker 2 Go, fellas, I need to have a chit-chat with you. Yeah.
You fucking pan-faced gook, enjoy the fucking pot roast.

Speaker 2 Right? And sleeve it from his, you know what I mean, from his workplace. It's like, this is a weird dinner.
This is strange, but this is a very good pot roast, Martha. Yeah.

Speaker 2 No, but I said that about what's his name that used to own the Clippers. What was his name that he got in trouble? Donald Sterling? Remember him?

Speaker 2 His girlfriend taped him talking shit about

Speaker 2 black guys

Speaker 2 inside of his house. Let me tell you something.

Speaker 2 I was on his side because all he said was, I don't want you bringing big black dudes to the game that you fuck.

Speaker 2 And she taped him. He knew she was cheating on him.
And he was like, just don't bring them to the games. The big, big, beautiful athletes.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 Was he racist? Maybe. I don't know.
But he was just being a cock in his own house. If you're going to be a dick, just do it inside.
Yeah, but inside.

Speaker 2 In that specific incident, it's like racism is when you're derogatory in terms of like putting a race down beneath your own race almost. Below you, yeah.
Right. That obviously he was threatened

Speaker 2 by a big, black, beautiful dick. Well, that's because he knew she was just getting slaughtered.
Right. Her vagina is just like juicy from it.

Speaker 2 Right?

Speaker 2 It's juiced out from it.

Speaker 2 It's just like if you're like,

Speaker 2 she's been murdered.

Speaker 2 She's just squirting out. You know what I mean? Just having a good time.
Field day, yeah. Well, she was loving it.

Speaker 2 But Jenna's probably, if they had to make a face, he was just an old fat white guy who was jealous. That's all it was.
He was just a fat, porky dude who was jealous. But, like, yeah, this right here

Speaker 2 is excited by the rhetoric that's happening in this country. That Asians are responsible.

Speaker 2 I hope it's

Speaker 2 fucking crazy because, number one, those people obviously aren't Chinese. No, they're not Chinese.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 They seem more island Asian. I couldn't even see who the family was.
They looked Filipino to me. Is it Filipino? Rudy, can't you tell me? Tell me the side profile of that.

Speaker 2 Well, this says, the news today, Lofto

Speaker 2 caught in a video making an anti-Asian racist tie rate against a family celebrating a birthday in Caramel Valley.

Speaker 2 It does not say anything about the family.

Speaker 2 I can just tell by the video. Well, hold on.
There's got to be a, I'm sure there's a picture of the, or there's a part of the people here.

Speaker 2 Because I think the dad gets on camera at some point or somebody puts themselves on camera. See, he apologized.
It was a lady in the beanie.

Speaker 2 No, that was just, you know,

Speaker 2 that's just them like putting an ad putting over something. But yeah, anyway, I mean, you know,

Speaker 2 this guy, well, he's got a nice fashion, though. At least a very nice fashion.
Yeah, he turns a lot of people. San Francisco Tech.
So

Speaker 2 what do you think is the responsible thing to do then? So he gets fired as CEO, or does he keep his job?

Speaker 2 So if we're doing this line of like, we shouldn't be canceling people just for no reason, right? But we also, people need to learn some kind of public lesson if you're caught like this saying

Speaker 2 well you know what's the line immediately it affects the pocketbook because i don't know what the tech company does yeah right but people will stop doing business with him yeah right

Speaker 2 and then um when you don't have business your your company you know will crumble obviously right it's called solid so it'll it'll happen organically all i'm just saying is is that the mob of the internet right

Speaker 2 going he should step down. Burn him alive.
You know what I mean? He should lose everything. You know, I don't really know if that's.

Speaker 2 I think.

Speaker 2 I know what you're saying. As a society, we have to kind of step back a little bit, man.
It's an information and technology service company.

Speaker 2 It's done. It says established in Silicon Valley Cloud, transformation experts.
We lead change. We're consolidating in the cloud and also hating Asian pieces of shit.
Oh, my God.

Speaker 2 That's in their breakdown.

Speaker 2 Yeah, so it's just a, it's a, yeah. But honestly,

Speaker 2 there's a billion of these up in San Francisco. There'll be fucking, there'll be 10 more this morning.
Yeah. Who gives a shit? Another fucking tech company? Get over it.
Yeah. Get over it.

Speaker 2 There's too many fucking tech companies anyway. But this thing, you know.
Well, tell me what's appropriate. What do you do to that guy, Michael Lofthouse? What happens to him?

Speaker 2 Do we put him in a public jail? We put him in some kind of

Speaker 2 social jail of some kind?

Speaker 2 What do you do?

Speaker 2 You get to throw rocks at him for a day? No. What we have to do is get to the fucking root of the problem, right?

Speaker 2 And... Cut it out like a cancer.
Yeah, but the real thing is, is that we have to.

Speaker 2 That's a big sigh. That means a lot.
I know.

Speaker 2 Can't fix. It's hard to fix.

Speaker 2 Okay.

Speaker 2 You're going to cry? No, it's just, it's, it's just, you know,

Speaker 2 it's strange to think that, like,

Speaker 2 because I look the way I fucking do, some motherfucker

Speaker 2 can just, at a restaurant, fucking just full-blown go on a tirade when it has nothing to do with me. Sure.
Number one, I was born here. Number two, I'm not Chinese.

Speaker 2 Number three, I don't know where the fuck it comes from, the coronavirus.

Speaker 2 We do. I know, China, I know, but I don't know where

Speaker 2 I don't know how it came about. Yeah, we don't know.

Speaker 2 I don't know, you know, does it come from a lab? Does it come from eating, you know, animals? Well, it doesn't come from eating animals. I proved that.

Speaker 2 Right, so it comes from some lab Wuhan fucked up. But how does that have anything to do

Speaker 2 with me? Right. You know, so I walk, I go to a park and some guy goes, hey, you chink, you brought the virus, go leave.

Speaker 2 And you're like, what? What you got to do is you got to go get a real Chinese guy and show him him and go, it's because of him. I'm Korean.
Yeah. I'm fine.
Yeah, it's insane. Yeah.

Speaker 2 But I don't even know. I was trying to think of, I don't know any Chinese people.

Speaker 2 Do you know any Chinese? Sure. Yeah, what's the guy from the comedy store?

Speaker 2 What's his name?

Speaker 2 My brain is just in such a bad blank. What's his name?

Speaker 2 Oh, this is embarrassing.

Speaker 2 No, no, no. We keep this in.
What's the Chinese guy's name? Come on, dude. So we don't know.
No, I do know. What's his name then?

Speaker 2 Chan Ching. Chan.

Speaker 2 What's his name? Ching Lao?

Speaker 2 Chan Han? What is this? Ching Ching.

Speaker 2 It's not like Chi Chi.

Speaker 2 It's Tang Chen. No,

Speaker 2 honestly, what's his name? Tongue driving me crazy. No, I know.
I'm trying to think in my mind. I swear to God.

Speaker 2 I'm having like a brain freaking. Chaoy Young Fett.
No, that's an actor. Chaoy Young Fett's an actor? Yes, Chao Young Fett's an actor.

Speaker 2 It's Jackie Jackie. Jackie Jackie.
Chung Chung.

Speaker 2 His name is. His name is Chan Chung Ching.
There it is. No, it doesn't.
I don't know. Sung Hang.
Sung.

Speaker 2 What's his name, though? Bing Bong? I don't know. Fuck.
I'm sorry.

Speaker 2 Text somebody. I can't continue if we don't know.
No, but I don't. I'm going to text somebody.
I don't want to because what are you going to text them? Who's the Bing Bong? No, let's see.

Speaker 2 Let's see who we can call. What's Bing Bong's name? Yeah, yeah.
Hold on.

Speaker 2 No.

Speaker 2 No, the honesty. No, I know, but I just, I forgot.
Yeah, no.

Speaker 2 Who would know?

Speaker 2 Chow Feng. Chow Feng.
Chow Feng. Chow Feng.
Chow Feng's name. Chow Feng God, dude.
Why is my brand name? Cha Chao Feng's his name. Chow Feng.
Yeah. Change your name, Chow.

Speaker 2 Change the Chow part. Wait, why? Why? Feng's easy to memorize.
Yeah? Chow Feng. Chow Feng.
Chow Feng. Am I saying it? I'm saying Chao Feng.
I need to make sure. Let's call him Eli Feng.
Eli Feng.

Speaker 2 Eli's a name. Eli Feng.
Feng Chow. Feng Chow.
Feng Chow. Fung Chow.
El fuck it up. We fucked it up.

Speaker 2 But the letters are right. Yeah, yeah.
The name, the words are are right. Chow's easy to remember.
Chow Feng. His name is Feng Chow.
Feng Chow. Yeah.
Yeah, yeah. Chow's easy to remember.
Change Feng.

Speaker 2 Get Arrow Fung. Get Fung.
Can I tell you something about that kid? Get what? I was in New York doing

Speaker 2 like a two-day shoot on something. Yeah.
And somebody was like,

Speaker 2 oh, do you want to go do comedy juice?

Speaker 2 Up at

Speaker 2 wherever that was at. Is that

Speaker 2 not Carolines? Maybe whatever. I go over there.
They're in the basement. A bunch of comedy store guys.
Abby Roberts was there.

Speaker 2 And Feng Chow's there. And he goes,

Speaker 2 you going to stay to watch my set? That's not the accent.

Speaker 2 Well,

Speaker 2 his is like...

Speaker 2 Well, he's more like... I'm trying to.

Speaker 2 No, no, no, he's deeper. He's like, yo, Gonna stay tall.
He's like guttural, too. Yeah, you're gonna.
Stay watching my set? Yeah. And I'd never, and I'd seen him like twice at the store.

Speaker 2 But I wait in the back. I go, yeah, I'm gonna have a drink and hang out.
He goes, oh, cool. Like, he got excited about it.
I said, oh, okay.

Speaker 2 He goes within second. I'm thinking he's gonna like ease it in.
He goes up there. He's like, my mom's a fat cunt.
Yeah, a stupid fat cunt.

Speaker 2 It's like, what? Really funny. He's hilarious.
Yeah, I had no idea that he, I didn't know that he was that like aggressive and raw. He's so Asian.
This is how

Speaker 2 Asian is he? He's so Asian that one time I needed an MC for the Irvine improv. Yeah.
And I came up to him. And he bought a house down in Irvine.
I was like, I already lived.

Speaker 2 No, no, no, it's even worse. Okay.
I go, hey, this weekend, I need an MC. And I know that you've asked to open for me over the years.
And I'm giving you the shot. He goes, Yeah, but I have to work.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 And I go,

Speaker 2 Yeah, but you know, this is work. This is work.
This is a better work. Right.
But I told the comedy store that I have to work Friday and Saturday.

Speaker 2 I go, Yeah, but fun in America, you know, I mean,

Speaker 2 you can, you know, you can tell people, yeah, hey, something came up. I have to do that.
The comedy store obviously

Speaker 2 they want you to do that. Right.
My

Speaker 2 word is my honor.

Speaker 2 And he says, I come from a lineage, a line of people. We don't go against what we are worth.
Wow, I like this motherfucker. And I go, yeah, but dude, I'm not going to ask you again.

Speaker 2 And he goes, I'm not going to tell you again.

Speaker 2 I will not tell you, Mr. Lee, again.

Speaker 2 I will not cancel my walk. He didn't do it.
He didn't do it. I give him a lot of credit.
You should ask me. I'll ask him again.

Speaker 2 But then, like, six months later, he comes up to me and goes, I fucked up.

Speaker 2 He goes, I fucked up. I was talking to a bunch of comedians, and they told me that I fucked up.

Speaker 2 And

Speaker 2 if you could let me have the opportunity to open, I go, no. No, that's it.
He goes, okay.

Speaker 2 He's a great dude.

Speaker 2 Will you take him when we open back up? No. Please? No.
I'm going to then. I will.
Fung Chow. I'm going to take you.
How about this? The first shows that we can do together, Feng's coming with us.

Speaker 2 Fung and Rudy.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 Come on. Yeah, Fung.
You don't want to commit to it? No. Okay.
I have this weird thing where there was this.

Speaker 2 You don't want another Asian comic on the show? That's not what it is. That's fucking.
You're fucking racist. I have Asians all the time on my show, man.
Name what Asians open up for you.

Speaker 2 Peter Kim's open for me. When? Dante Chang's open for me.
How many years ago do these guys open for you? The last part of the year? A year and a half ago.

Speaker 2 But I had to say, Peter Kim's so fucking funny that I told him to go home. Why? Because he ripped too hard.
Oh, Oh my god.

Speaker 2 I could rip it. You got nervous, huh? I got real nervous.

Speaker 2 There was this bartender at the comedy store named Max back in the day, maybe five years ago. Up here? And he goes, Hey, man.

Speaker 2 Yeah, Hollywood. Oh, yeah.
It's my dream to open for you, man. I go, all right, dude, I'm doing Ontario Improv, right?

Speaker 2 This Friday at MC.

Speaker 2 It's 7:30 when the show starts. Yeah.

Speaker 2 He's not there. Where are you, Max?

Speaker 2 I'm in traffic, man. Mm, buddy.
I go. Hmm, buddy.

Speaker 2 Turn around. Bye.

Speaker 2 And he, a couple of months later, he quit his job there, and I never saw him again. Holy shit.
I feel bad. No, you shouldn't.
Why? Because everybody fucking, dude, when I opened for somebody,

Speaker 2 the first time I got to open for somebody was fucking Billy Gardell, I think. Yeah.
I was at the fucking Irvine Improv. Three days before I was supposed to be there.
Oh, yeah. I showed up.

Speaker 2 The sun was coming up. I got to Irvine at like 9 a.m.
Yeah. And I just waited around.
I was at, I went to like an olive garden for lunch. I sat in the parking lot in my car.

Speaker 2 Yeah, it should be your number one. The only thing I had to do that day was go to the goddamn show.
I call Fihim. I go, hey, you want to open for me next week? He goes, I'm already here.

Speaker 2 I swear to God, I'm already here. I knew you were going to ask me.
I'm already here. He called me yesterday, by the way.
We talked for a long time. We love, we, Fihim, you don't know Fahim.

Speaker 2 Easily one of the funniest comedians I've ever seen in my fucking life. He is a prolific joke writer.

Speaker 2 Constantly is making new jokes, and they're very fucking funny so please check him out because we love him

Speaker 5 this episode is brought to you by progressive insurance do you ever find yourself playing the budgeting game well with the name your price tool from progressive you can find options that fit your budget and potentially lower your bills try it at progressive.com Progressive Casualty Insurance Company and affiliates.

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Speaker 2 Rules and restrictions restrictions apply.

Speaker 2 Can I show you something? I found my new sport.

Speaker 2 I found my new sport.

Speaker 2 It's called, and I'm going to fuck up the name, Caliccio Storic.

Speaker 2 Calicio Storicio. Okay, let me explain this sport.
This happens in Florence, Italy, every year. I saw a documentary about this.
This blows my fucking mind. Okay?

Speaker 2 It's only in Florence, Italy, and it's three teams, three different colors.

Speaker 2 Let me just back up for a second. Huh? This literally looks like

Speaker 2 Spartacus.

Speaker 2 Bob, even the saturation of the film, is this a 1960s? This is 2019, but it's in Florence and they don't have good technology yet. Okay.
Okay.

Speaker 2 Look at me when I say this.

Speaker 2 It's the most insane sport that no one talks about because it only happens in Florence.

Speaker 2 Three teams, the colors of the Italian flag,

Speaker 2 and the team you play for is the district you're born in. You're not allowed to go, I play for Liverpool.
Oh, now I get to play. Right, right.
You're born there, you stay there, right?

Speaker 2 Yeah, I like that. The game is a combo of rugby, soccer, wrestling, and fist fighting.

Speaker 2 Really? I'm not kidding. Wow.
When the game starts, these men on the front line, you'll see, they get to fist fight, and whoever goes down,

Speaker 2 you have to stay down until a goal is scored, then you can get back up and fight again.

Speaker 2 Really? The front line has to fight, the back line tries to score. Okay.
Watch this fucking shit.

Speaker 2 This is the pride of Florence, Italy.

Speaker 2 Look at these fucking guys. Oh, my God.
Ready to beat the shit out of each other.

Speaker 2 Just calm, hanging out, doing all the bobbin, dancing.

Speaker 2 And they wear these ridiculous, beautiful, like

Speaker 2 pillowcases.

Speaker 2 Okay, here we go. What happens? Look down.
Just fights.

Speaker 2 They're beating the shit out of each other.

Speaker 2 You can go two-on-one. You can do it.
Dude, you can tackle. No rules.

Speaker 2 Look at that tackle. So now that they're both down,

Speaker 2 whoever took who down,

Speaker 2 no rules except for penis stuff. No penis stuff.

Speaker 2 So let me pause. That's what happens.

Speaker 2 Hold on. Once a guy is down like this, like these two men.
Yeah. So the man who took him down.
The guy on top is the winner. That's right.

Speaker 2 So the bottom has to surrender, like in wrestling, but he just has to stay over him so the referee knows. He took him down.
He has to stay now until the goal is scored.

Speaker 2 Mind you, this guy wants to stay down because otherwise you get attacked by four guys. They come and beat the shit out of the way.

Speaker 2 They come and beat the shit out of you. All the meanwhile,

Speaker 2 someone's trying to score a fucking goal in the background. The guy in the blue, though, he'll stick out there.

Speaker 2 If he got taken down as well.

Speaker 2 If you knock someone out and you go down with them, but you don't go down first, they're done. You can get back up and fight someone new.

Speaker 2 But once I'm down with that other person... You have to be on the ground until the goal is scored.
Right, so it doesn't...

Speaker 2 It's not a good thing to... tackle somebody and go down then.
Well, you don't want to be taken down as well, right? So that's what that happened there. Yes, he took him down with him.
Why don't you?

Speaker 2 So the guy that took the other guy down has to be, so he's on top of the guy. You physically have to pin them.
Right. And then it's like, okay, I'm down too.

Speaker 2 Then the guy on the bottom would basically say, well, get off me then. No, you can't.
You have to be covered. No, we're both down.
Doesn't matter. I'm covering you.
We're both down.

Speaker 2 Lay down next to me. No, I'm on top of you.
Get off of me. This is what I like.
This is what I train for.

Speaker 2 The fist fights are, to me, are the most shocking.

Speaker 2 They just, look at this.

Speaker 2 A couple of guys just beating the fucking shit out of each other.

Speaker 2 And they're from a mile away from each other.

Speaker 2 They were born just

Speaker 2 four miles away. So this guy with the ball, they're passing in the background,

Speaker 2 trying to advance the ball past the fist fights.

Speaker 2 So this guy, right, they're both going down.

Speaker 2 Now he's down and he's down. They both have to stay down.

Speaker 2 But they're allowed to wrestle it out until he can pin him.

Speaker 2 No.

Speaker 2 Okay, so now watch, let me me advance it to a point. Oh, look at those two tactics.

Speaker 2 Let's go. Oh, let's go.
Oh, you want some? Is that the judge? The guy that has the jacket on the judge? That's the judge right there.

Speaker 2 Look at that.

Speaker 2 Look at these guys.

Speaker 2 The beauty of this sport, by the way,

Speaker 2 let me say this.

Speaker 2 They all go get fucked up together afterwards. That's what I love.
They all go party because when it's over, it's over.

Speaker 2 They smile at you. Two of the guys in the documentary, one guy was from from the blue team, one is from the white.
He works with him.

Speaker 2 Okay, now this is after the game, you and I. Yeah, yeah, we're all fucked up.
Oh, man. Congratulations, man.
You guys won. Hey, we're Italian.
Yeah. We're Italian.

Speaker 2 That's it. There it goes.
Do that.

Speaker 2 Hey, Antonini, good to see you. How are you doing? How good at Bruce Bruce? You know what I'm doing?

Speaker 2 But you know what?

Speaker 2 It's good to see you.

Speaker 2 But I told you.

Speaker 2 Get

Speaker 2 It does not matter. That's what I like to be.
You're on top of me. Hey, I can't get on top of my wife.
I get on top of you. Florento, I'm not gay.
I am not gay either. But you gyrated.

Speaker 2 Yes, and I kiss your lips.

Speaker 2 Yes. No rules.

Speaker 2 There is a rules. It's against the ordinances.
No, it's no rules. Get off of me.
I'm going to stay. I'm going to stay.
Don't come on my belly. Let me buy you a drink.
Okay.

Speaker 2 Let's do it again.

Speaker 2 These guys beat the life out of each other. Here, I'll turn the volume down on this.
You need to hear the announcers.

Speaker 2 But so these guys just beat the shit out of each other until the ball can be advanced. Holy shit.
I mean, it's a con. So when you say gladiator, that's what it is.
Yeah. This is, this is.

Speaker 2 Look at the guys bleeding. Oh, bleeding.
You can't do that. One of the guys in the documentary had a

Speaker 2 documentary called?

Speaker 2 Oh, fuck. I'm so.
It's called

Speaker 2 Caliccio Storic.

Speaker 2 Storichio. C-A-L-C-I-N.
I have to watch this shit. Yeah.
I have to watch this shit. But there's a documentary on Netflix.
I think it's called Home Game or something like that. Really?

Speaker 2 I think Home Game might be right. Storico.
Storicio. Storico.
I wish I knew how to say that. Coliccio Storico? Storico.
Colliccio. Colliccio Storico.
Here it is.

Speaker 2 Is an early form of football that originated in the 16th century Italy. Wow.
Once widely played, the sport is thought to have started in the Piazza Santa Croce in Florence. In the Florence Square.

Speaker 2 Wow. That's where they said.
Keep moving.

Speaker 2 What else does it say in there? Does it tell you?

Speaker 2 That's it. Wait, so yeah, and and it only takes place in Florence, and this happens every year.
These guys come back and they beat the shit out of each other every single year. Here we go.

Speaker 2 In Italian, let me spell it. C-A-L-I-C-O, right?

Speaker 2 Calciostorico. Calciostorico.
I was not that far off. It's very good because you're Italian.
You should fucking know that. No, I shouldn't know what he said.
What? What did you see?

Speaker 2 You saw three seasons?

Speaker 6 You saw three seasons of Alone.

Speaker 2 And you fucking loved it. I saw the one that's on Netflix.
Phenomenal. I've started the

Speaker 2 new season. Oh, I'm four episodes in.
Dude. So good.
So fucking good.

Speaker 2 Are you watching it, Rude? No. I watch seasons.
I'm watching anime. Oh, my God.

Speaker 2 She just sits there on her days off.

Speaker 2 She just sits there on the bed and just

Speaker 2 with her iPad. Yeah.
And just watches 16 hours of anime. I don't know what that does to the mind.
Rots it. Yeah, maybe.

Speaker 2 Or. Or are you going to be an illustrator one day? Can you draw? No.
Oh, well, fuck it. What are you doing? I saw season four,

Speaker 2 season six, six, and I'm starting with season seven. And I'm going to say...
Alone is so good.

Speaker 2 It's good.

Speaker 2 It's so good. It's so good.
It's so good. But

Speaker 2 I think one of the seasons,

Speaker 2 a guy that was, that you thought would never be,

Speaker 2 that would never win one. Yes.
So a lot of it is, you know, it's not necessarily skill. Oh, no, no, no.
A lot of it is mental fortitude. Right.

Speaker 2 And also, you get these medical tests, people that have seen the show. If you don't pass the medical test, you could feel great and be doing great.

Speaker 2 If they see that your body's eating away at your fat, I'm sorry, at your muscle, they might take you. But I would love to try.

Speaker 2 Bob.

Speaker 2 I'm not saying that I'm going to last two or three days. How long? I mean, you.
I just want to try.

Speaker 2 I want to see if I can last 48 hours. How about this? Yeah.
We should set something up.

Speaker 2 We'll have the crew set something up where you and I go and we spend one

Speaker 2 24 hours alone in Joshua Tree? Yeah, yeah. And all we've got is a sleep tent.
The 10 things. I want the 10 things.
No, you don't get 10 because we're going for one day. I still need the 10 things.

Speaker 2 I need my tarp. I need my machete.
No.

Speaker 2 You do get a machete. We'll get knives.
Can I get a cooking pan?

Speaker 2 Yes, and a fire starter. Can I get space age food? No space food.
From the fucking astronauts. One can of beans.
You know how the astronauts have dried freeze. Dried dippin' dots.

Speaker 2 That's where that came from.

Speaker 2 One knife, one tent. Knife, tent, fire starter, can of beans.
That's all you get.

Speaker 2 No, no can of beans.

Speaker 2 No food. Okay.

Speaker 2 You hunt our food.

Speaker 2 You're going to eat your. You're going to trap.
Joshua trees the desert. There's nothing out there.
I'll trap something. Okay.
Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 Knife, fire starter, a pot or a pan. Yeah.
Water, because there's no water source up there. I need wire.
Wire. You need 10-pound wire, 20-pound wire.
To set my traps. Yeah, okay, that's five.

Speaker 2 What else? And then I need

Speaker 2 a snake stick. I need a stick stick that I could stick a spear.
A spear? You have to make that. Oh.
You have to make that. Okay.

Speaker 2 Okay.

Speaker 2 What else do I need?

Speaker 2 Then you get to bring. No water.
No, you have to. There's no water source.
There's no water.

Speaker 2 Let's go to a place where there's a water source because I've learned through Naked and Afraid and through alone how to do it. What do you do to the water you find in a lake?

Speaker 2 Well, some lake, some rivers, like I'll tell you a story.

Speaker 2 My dad and my family went to Yosemite, And I was probably maybe eight or nine years old. Went to Yosemite.

Speaker 2 And there was no bottle of water back then. No.
So we were driving along, and I was thirsty. Yeah.
I go, Dad, can we stop somewhere? Because I'm thirsty. He goes, no, there's no place to stop.

Speaker 2 I go, I'm so thirsty. He just pulls over.
And we go to this field with this lake.

Speaker 2 Right? But it's like a lake. It's a pond almost.
Yeah, it's a pond. Right.
Drink.

Speaker 2 You don't know.

Speaker 2 I I drink out of the fucking pond. You could have got dysentery and died.
I went to the hospital. No shit.

Speaker 2 I almost died. What did he say? He goes,

Speaker 2 you said you were thirsty. You know what I mean? I go,

Speaker 2 he doesn't know any better. But yeah.

Speaker 2 I know that the water has to be flowing. Or sometimes when you take a lake, you dig another hole so that the water flows into the other hole.
It filters out the soil. Bacteria can sand.

Speaker 2 But bacteria can still get in there. Right.
But then I would boil it. You have to boil it.
So I I would boil the water. Okay.
Right. And then I would, and because of a loan, I would set little traps.

Speaker 2 Yeah. Right? So I'd take a rock and a little stick, and I put like a,

Speaker 2 you know, Schittles or something.

Speaker 2 No, not Skittles. Or whatever lures the animal.

Speaker 2 When they set those traps up. A Boston bean.
A Boston bean. Oston bean bean.
Do you love Boston beans? Yes. One Boston bean.
One candy. Yeah, I know.
Everything. Everything loves that.

Speaker 2 You're going to put it right down there. Right there.
And put a little thing. Yeah.
And then.

Speaker 2 A heavy rock, right? Yeah, a heavy rock. And the mouse will go, Boston bean!

Speaker 2 And then his fat hip will hit the fucking stick, crush.

Speaker 2 Right. I don't know how to gut an animal.
Well, that's super important.

Speaker 2 Yeah, but

Speaker 2 I make assumptions. Oh, you might know.
Yeah. So what I would do is take a Swiss Army knife.
Yeah. Right.

Speaker 2 And I would first to see, I would shake it first. Shake the mouse in the back.
Yeah, to see if it was dead. Can you hear the Boston baked bean rattling around inside of it? Yeah.

Speaker 2 But I would be, and if I like this, I went, you know what I mean? I would stick it back in the rock and just walk away from it. Wouldn't you just crack its neck? No, I would do it.

Speaker 2 I wouldn't be able to do it. Oh, you couldn't do that? Yeah.
Rudy, could you crack an animal's neck?

Speaker 2 No. If you had to eat it, if you knew you were going to eat it, could you just crack a little rabbit's neck? Maybe, maybe.
And my grandmother, I would take the rat, you know, shake it.

Speaker 2 Yeah, it's dead, right? And immediately I would just take the dick. No, take the dick off.
Why?

Speaker 2 Why the dick? I don't want to eat it. The dick is...
The dick is. I don't want to eat it.
Don't want it up.

Speaker 2 What if there's a lot of protein in there? I don't want the dick.

Speaker 2 I have to take the dick out. The dick probably is inside their body.

Speaker 2 I know where a dick generally is on any animal. If you blow on their nose, the dick pops out.
Oh, really? No, I don't. I would do that.

Speaker 2 So then I would gut it. I would take an army knife and take the belly.
That's right. I'd slice it open and I would peel the skin off.
Right.

Speaker 2 You have to skin it because you want to keep the skin. Yeah, so I try to peel the skin off the best I could.
Yeah. Right.

Speaker 2 And then I would gut it down the middle and just take everything that I can from the inside. All of the organs.
Yeah. And would you eat the heart and the liver? No.
You're supposed to. I won't.

Speaker 2 Because I don't know which one is good. Right.
You don't want to be. What's the tastiest portion?

Speaker 2 Well, the meat is going to be the best. Right.
So I'll just take the, and then I would stick a stick through, you know what I mean? And I would just, like a rotisserie chicken over the fire.

Speaker 2 All right.

Speaker 2 Maybe we should go. Maybe we should set something up.
The bad friends in the desert. Snake, I don't know how to do.
Well, I'm not eating a snake. Snake, there's like it doesn't taste.

Speaker 2 Yeah, but in a survival situation, you could see they do eat snake.

Speaker 2 Some of them, but I'd rather just eat vegetation if I can find it. Yeah, I have to get a book on what herbs to eat.

Speaker 2 What and what you can eat, because you could get some berries and you could get fucked up from them. Yeah, or certain frogs if you if they're too colorful.
Well, then they're poisonous.

Speaker 2 If there was like a gay frog, they're you know, like an anti-frogs are gay. No, no, no, no.
But they sound like, what's this? Well, you know how some flower frogs are like, here I am. I'm a frog.

Speaker 2 And they have like purple.

Speaker 2 They have a whole thing. And they'll just show, they go, Rebat.

Speaker 2 Right, right. I'm a frog.
And so, you know what I mean? It's like, I won't eat those because I don't want to get fucking high.

Speaker 2 Yeah. You could die or get really sick.
Did you just fart? Yeah. In the middle of.

Speaker 2 Gay frogs. When I talk about gay frogs, stop it.
I get gassy.

Speaker 3 This isn't a big room.

Speaker 2 I know. I get really gassy.
Can we call Fancy B?

Speaker 2 Andreas. Oh, wow.
Hey, guys. Hey, baby.

Speaker 2 What's the date?

Speaker 2 What's the date?

Speaker 2 What's the date today? What happened today?

Speaker 2 Wow.

Speaker 7 You guys are, yeah. You're excited too about July 13th?

Speaker 2 We couldn't be more. We're so excited about July 13th.
When I woke up today, what a special feeling I had in my gut. Yes.
I go,

Speaker 2 this is a monumental moment here.

Speaker 2 What is going on on July 13th? And I thought maybe there's some sort of historical

Speaker 2 relevance about the day. Is there any revelation about today?

Speaker 7 There's tons of relevance.

Speaker 7 I'm going to tell you, yeah, this is very important.

Speaker 7 So in 2016, 40 years ago, on July 13th, Prime Minister David Cameron resigned from his duties at the UK. Holy crap.
Because of Brexit.

Speaker 7 So the beginning event of the UK.

Speaker 2 Wow, Bob, that's important.

Speaker 2 That's important. What else happened today?

Speaker 7 Well, like 35 years ago in 1985,

Speaker 7 then Vice President Bush became acting president for one day because Ronald Reagan went to the United States.

Speaker 2 Reagan was in the surgery. I remember that.
I remember that.

Speaker 7 Wow. I think he tastes power then and then.

Speaker 2 Then he got hungry for it. What else? Did anything else crazy happen?

Speaker 7 Yeah.

Speaker 7 47 years ago in 1973,

Speaker 7 the investigators for the Watergate

Speaker 7 discovered

Speaker 2 Watergate.

Speaker 7 Yeah, they discovered that Nixon had a secret system.

Speaker 2 Democratic escalacy on the building. Did anything else happen today?

Speaker 2 Sorry? Anything else happened today? On this day?

Speaker 7 Plenty of things. Like 206 years ago, this is my favorite.

Speaker 7 This was why I got really interested in this day.

Speaker 7 Italy created the Caracasi.

Speaker 2 Cavanieri, yes, the Italian with the hats.

Speaker 2 Yeah. That's right.
I know that too.

Speaker 7 The National Guard.

Speaker 2 I thought it was in Italy. Yeah, it is today.
Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 2 I have a question. Who the fuck holds a mic like that? Well, how he's pinching it? Yeah.

Speaker 2 Hold it how you hold your penis. How do you hold your penis? That's how you hold a mic.
That's how you hold it. Oh,

Speaker 2 Andres. Oh, Andreas.
Very nice. Bueno, bueno, bueno.
I know.

Speaker 7 Bueno, Español.

Speaker 2 Español. Okay, so look, today in history

Speaker 2 was an important day. You did a great job.
It's really good to see you back on the show. Very nice.

Speaker 7 Yeah, good to see you guys.

Speaker 2 We miss you. Okay?

Speaker 7 Yeah, I've been missing you.

Speaker 2 But we've been missing you. But we've got Rudy in here now, so I don't know if we're ever going to see you again live.

Speaker 2 I got to say that.

Speaker 7 I mean, like, coming to that conclusion. That's okay.

Speaker 2 let me ask you, is there, be honest, is there any resentment toward Rudy? Be honest. Be honest.

Speaker 2 Wow.

Speaker 2 There it is. There it is.

Speaker 2 Yeah, okay. Yeah.
Yeah.

Speaker 7 I have to say.

Speaker 2 What is it? What is the resentment? Just get it out. Might as well get it out in the open.
He called me and he was like, we were having a discussion about the show.

Speaker 2 And he's like, he's getting a little heated. And he's like, why do you need it so fast? I'm trying my best to da-da.
And I'm like, yo, you just need to.

Speaker 2 And he's like, well, why don't you have that bitch in there do it for you? And I'm like, what?

Speaker 2 whoa he said why don't you have that bitch in there do it for you i was your favorite foreigner wow yeah you're no you're not you're no you're not our favorite foreigner yeah no no we'll take a filipino any day of the week sorry man they're just yeah she's nicer than you she's cooler than you she doesn't talk back doesn't talk back right and you run your mouth sometimes pal yeah you get a little caliente in here i'd smack you around okay

Speaker 7 I know I've been plotting against her a little bit, but yeah.

Speaker 2 Have you really?

Speaker 7 Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 2 All All right. You know,

Speaker 2 how can I

Speaker 2 get a drink? You're a director, right? He's a director, a writer, producer, and

Speaker 2 when are we going to do that short film with me and Andrew? Yeah, when have you written that script yet?

Speaker 7 Well, you mean, you could be surprised. I have prepared not a short, but a feature for the two of you with Carlos Herrera.

Speaker 2 He's got a feature for us. I love Carlos.
You know, Carlos. Yeah, I love Carlos a lot.
Yeah, he's a good guy. He's the best.
So, do you write with Carlos Herrera?

Speaker 7 Yeah.

Speaker 2 Huh? Okay, good. I've been working with him.
Yeah, it's. Oh, I can't wait.
Let's. what is can you give me the premise of the of the movie?

Speaker 2 Yeah, it's a horror teen comedy where you know Bobby's 50 and I'm 36.

Speaker 7 And like, imagine like something like Super Bad meets Friday the 13th.

Speaker 2 Okay.

Speaker 7 So it's a bunch of friends, I mean, you two guys and some of your comedic friends

Speaker 7 playing teenagers in high school. Obviously, there's a role for Rudy there.

Speaker 7 And, you know, there's like a murder on the booth and while they try to lose their virginity around prom night and they have also to also to solve this uh murder on on campus so me and bobby need to lose our virginity

Speaker 2 so we play high schoolers i think we could do it yeah yeah we look like high schoolers no no no no no i i know we don't but i think that'd be funny if i'm inside i shaved my mustache right cut my hair yeah we put a lot of makeup on still not gonna work yes i think it will and i think i think so.

Speaker 2 Imagine David.

Speaker 7 What do you mean? And you can have Eric Griffin could be a bully.

Speaker 2 He pushes you in the long person. Well, he could play the janitor or the principal or something.
Right. The magical janitor.

Speaker 2 You know how sometimes, like, you know, you know, what was that golfy woman with Will Smith? There's always a magical guy. The Vagger Vance.
Yeah, Vagger Vance, right. Or the Green Mild.

Speaker 2 I love

Speaker 2 the magical black guy.

Speaker 2 Oh, so he's our magical black guy. Yeah, he's a magical guy.
He doesn't really exist, but he's the janitor of the school. He just kind of appears like

Speaker 2 he's at the school. Well,

Speaker 2 what if he's like an object, an animal job? Like, what if he's a talking locker? You know?

Speaker 2 You know, and the vents up top of them and things that talk. He's like, you late to class again?

Speaker 2 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 That'd be fun. That'd be fun.
Andreas, I like this. I want to read this script.
I'm excited.

Speaker 2 Okay. Okay.
All right. Well, look, we love you.
Give us a kiss. Give us one big long kiss.
Ready? That's not long enough. There it is.
There we go. Love you, buddy.

Speaker 2 all right buddy love you so much bye baby to see you guys you hate that guy i love him i'll tell you rudy hates him no yeah yeah yeah she does

Speaker 2 yeah you do you know it's funny i love him to death the last couple of days i've been asking rudy what's the matter yeah because she when she looks at me or she's in the kitchen she she just has a sad glum Vibe about her.

Speaker 2 What's going on, Rudy? And I go,

Speaker 2 what's going on? She goes, I'm fine. She's plotting to fucking kill you, dude.
I'm telling you, she's sharpening knives. There's something going on.

Speaker 2 So,

Speaker 2 can you talk about

Speaker 2 what? Don't do the I think. About the boy? Is it about the same that? Oh, something great happened the other day.
What happened? Can we talk about it real quick? Yeah. Okay.

Speaker 2 So, you know

Speaker 2 that her real father, her biological father, Bill Gates? No, no, no.

Speaker 2 He's some Filipino dude. Oh.
Who, when he was seven years old, he started his own family and

Speaker 2 hasn't seen Juliana since then. Yeah.

Speaker 2 And

Speaker 2 last night, was it? Or two nights ago? Two nights. He reached out to you on Facebook.
Yeah. And he said he wanted to talk to you.
What did you say?

Speaker 2 And she said, okay. And they had a conversation.
Wow. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Get closer to the mic.

Speaker 2 Real close. The name of this show should be get closer to the mic.
Yeah. Wait a minute.
Get closer to the mic. How was it, Jules? Was it did you was it weird? Did you enjoy it?

Speaker 2 It was awkward because I forgot his voice, his face. Wow.
You haven't seen him since you were seven? Yeah. And so, so, uh, did you video chat or just video chat? Yeah, on Facebook, video chat.

Speaker 2 And for the when he reached out to you on Facebook, were you apprehensive? Were you like, I don't want to talk to this guy? Because he hasn't really reached out before.

Speaker 2 Um,

Speaker 2 I was curious, but then I also didn't want to talk because I don't know, it's weird. Yeah.
Yeah. That is it is it is weird.

Speaker 2 I have a friend who was adopted and he didn't wanna meet his yeah, you get uh you I would s assume you there's some sort of retentiment issues. Yeah,'cause it's like, Why'd you fucking leave? Yeah.

Speaker 2 If you like and they're like, No, but I wanna meet it's like, Well, so do you guys sp do you speak in English to each other or no? Um, English and Cebuano. Oh, re so you go back and forth? Yeah.

Speaker 2 Is his English good? Yeah. Has he been to the United States before?

Speaker 2 No, but um he's been in korea why in korea because his wife is korean yeah oh he started yeah those are like koreans from the island of cebu

Speaker 2 huh it's like i don't know his new wife because your mother they knew him and they met when they were really young yeah

Speaker 2 was it what was that did you want to cry or no

Speaker 2 no i was just laughing because um do that they say that that's what psychopaths do when they're i know they just laugh instead of crying jules Jules see how there's this much space between

Speaker 2 yes see how there's this much space between the mic and my mouth eat the mic you have to eat the mic get closer get closer it's already close there it is that's fine that's good so we have her fucking levels turned all the way up just so we can capture I know I know because she goes like this ask me a question I'm Rudy go ahead ask me a question go so how's it going Rudy he's pretty good at it I know yeah all right so you so it w it wasn't as painful as you thought it was gonna going to be?

Speaker 2 Yeah. Are you going to speak again?

Speaker 2 He really wants to talk to me and

Speaker 2 you don't want to. Start a relationship.
Yeah. Let me tell you something.
You're a grown-up. You don't have to do anything you don't want to do.

Speaker 2 If you don't want a relationship with him, you can say no for now and revisit it later. I think it's different.
You shouldn't feel pressure. I think it's different because

Speaker 2 her stepfather... I know because he's been to her house.
You like your stepdad.

Speaker 2 That's her dad. Right.
That's what it's a good thing. Yeah, you have him.

Speaker 2 So Kalila's sister, honey, right?

Speaker 2 What a name.

Speaker 2 Is Rudy's. So Kalila's your aunt.
Yeah. Yes.
My girlfriend. And

Speaker 2 Giovanni is the husband. Is your dad, right?

Speaker 2 That sounds like a great name. They've had, wait, wait, one, two, three other children.
So your brothers and your sisters are with you. Four others.
Well, the fourth one isn't real, right?

Speaker 2 Adopted, but still real. Well, it's a real person.
They just keep it in the basement. Well, yeah, they keep it away from people.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's right.

Speaker 2 Get closer to the mic. Get closer to the mic.
She keeps wandering. Yeah.
It goes straight ahead like this. You're driving me crazy.
Okay, good.

Speaker 2 And so I don't think that she has any kind of, I think she's okay with it because she, you know, she doesn't really view the guy as her dad. Right.

Speaker 2 So, right? Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Yeah. So you, and when we talked after you got, we talked right after you were having the conversation with them, and you, you seemed okay.

Speaker 2 Yeah, almost happy. Yeah.
So you're happy about it. Yeah.
Uh-huh. All right, good.
Well, I want to see where this relationship continues. I want to see if you guys actually get along.
We'll check in.

Speaker 2 If you get on with them.

Speaker 2 Can I show you something? Okay, go ahead. You tell me if you think,

Speaker 2 give me your assessment on this pretty lady. What do you say about this lady?

Speaker 2 She's trans.

Speaker 2 She's the first trans woman. I looked at this a thousand times.
I was like,

Speaker 2 that was not a guy before. This is the first trans person in Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Edition.
Wow.

Speaker 2 I looked at it a thousand times. I was like, there's...
Can you lower it down? I want to see what the legs look like. The penis? Oh, the legs? Yeah.

Speaker 2 Look at that fucking face. Yeah.
She's pretty. I was like, that was never a guy.
There's no chance. Mm-hmm.

Speaker 2 Would you?

Speaker 2 Yeah. If you were single? Yeah.
Yeah, me too. Yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Are you nuts? Yeah.
I mean,

Speaker 2 if there's a PP, it'd be weird. It'd be hard.
You would suck the PP. It'd be weird if that.
You would, you would. If her penis was bigger than mine, I'd be so bummed.
I know, but you would do it.

Speaker 2 Yeah,

Speaker 2 I know. Yeah, just don't come in my mouth.
Nah, come on, come on, back it up. I back it up.
Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 Anyway, incredible. First, pretty monumental, Mahan.
That's pretty wild. That's congratulations.

Speaker 2 Valentina's

Speaker 2 bio. I'm going to look her up.
The first transgender model to appear in Sports Illustrated swimsuit issue and is better looking than all my exes

Speaker 2 by a landslide.

Speaker 2 Thank you for being a bad friend.

Speaker 2 She didn't even fucking say it.

Speaker 2 No, you didn't.

Speaker 2 No, you fucking didn't. You're going to do it on your own now.
Now you're going to do it.

Speaker 2 Yes, you're going to be doing it. Yes, you're doing it on your own.
No, no, no, no. It's on your own because you fucked that up.
You fucked it up. Thank you for being a bad friend.
That's great.

Speaker 2 Very perfect. Love it.
All right.