Get Out of This World!

You two are bad friends. Who are these two idiots? A white dude and an Asian dude.
You two are disgusting. You two are something.
We're bad friends. Kalilah does it, you do it.
You guys talk to me like I'm a child. Close the door, put away your drinks, clean up your mess, you know, stop farting.
Wait, I talk to you like you're a kid? No, you always do. Like, what, you brought that? You brought that cigarette in, you bring it in cigarette in Yeah there's a stomped out cigarette on the carpet I stomped out a cigarette outside And it's inside It got stuck to my shoe I happened to walk in So Kalilah does it and I do it Everyone does that in my life And I'm tired of it I'm an old adult man who drags in cigarettes on honestly

yeah but it was an accident I know so just go always an accident I didn't know instead of just don't talk to me like that first and go what did I say I said did you drag did you did you did you drag in the cigarette boy did you I know you didn't but there was like I filled in the blanks I said did you drag in the cigarette is this from outside what is this yeah oh or or if I have to say you had done that if you had done that I would have been like oh he just dragged on a cigarette. I have to say it because I know I'll clean it up and I have to make a point.
Clean it bitch. See? So I am going to keep talking to you like that because you talk to me like that.
That's true. It comes from me.
I know. That's true.
Bobby right, Bobby, right away. Bobby didn't sleep good last night.
I slept for maybe 3.2 hours, man. I got to bed around 6 in the morning.
You know what? I've been watching a lot of horror movies on Shudder. Really? Yeah, I saw this one called Noroi.
Oh, fuck. Holy shit.
Why are you watching horror movies late at night? I don't know, but I enjoy it. Especially the Asian ones.
Oh, shit. When they go...
Like that. You know what I mean? When they get possessed, they always...
Asian horror... Dude, you know what I started watching last night? That's so fucking good.
What? What We Do in the Shadows. Oh, yeah, yeah.
Oh, my God. Do you know about it? it yes yeah allison jones casted that and i got an audition for it and i never went in it's so good do you know what that is on fx the movie was great yes this is nothing like this is basically um uh uh jemaine clement you know jemaine from uh flight of the concords and and takawa why can why can't I Takwatakawa I can't say his last name yeah yeah they created this show together basically about like vampires that live in Staten Island well it was the movie well first of all he has nothing to do with the show anymore Taka? yeah yes he does he executive produces it I know but he apparently he is not connected anymore? yeah he directed didn't he? like the first I don't know I had read that he wasn't.
And then also, secondly, he was in the movie. The movie was great.
Yes. And then I never saw it because I thought it wouldn't be good because he's not connected anymore.
The show is so good. Honestly, the acting is so fucking good.
The people are so funny. The jokes are really tiny.
Well, I don't really trust you anymore because I saw normal people. And you love normal people.
I hate it. You didn't like normal people.
Fucking boring. You're an idiot.
Boring! How many episodes did you watch? I didn't see any of it. I never saw a wink.
I'll never see it, my friend, because I'm a man. Oh, yeah.
Yeah. Oh, you're a big man? Are you a big man? I'm a little dick man.

You're a little tiny guy who dragged in cigarette dust.

Yeah.

Lewis Capaldi followed me on Instagram because of you.

Good.

And I wrote him a message.

What did you say?

Lewis dot dot dot.

Yeah.

No.

Yeah.

Because I had a message to him.

Hey, can you do Tiger Bell?

He never replied.

Yeah.

He just wants to be.

He wants to see us from the outside.

And that's fine. I love the guy.
We're animals in a cage for him. Listen, he is super talented.
He is English. He is a great songwriter.
What an original voice. And I enjoy, enjoy, enjoy, enjoy him.
I didn't sleep good last night. So what happened was last night I've been watching a lot of Shudder movies like Noroi.
And I've been also watching – I saw another one called blood quantum okay and um and i think it's getting into my psyche because it's like do you think about killing people no but i believe in um demon possessions and stuff who do you think is possessed by a demon oh she's definitely possessed by a demon seriously she she's so rude this morning she goes This morning she goes, Uncle Tito, you look like Napoleon Dynamite. I'm like, what? Attack off the bat? But I know what she's saying.
I know, you're, you're, you're an old man and you're dressing like a child. You do dress like a child.
In a, it's fun. I love it.
Stand up. Let people see your, um, fanny pack and your short shorts.
You look good. It is very childish.
It's cute, though. I like it.
You get to sit in your late shirt. Go back to China! That's what they say on the internet.
Go back to China. No, because I've been watching a lot of videos on...
I've been watching a lot of videos online. Let's see your favorite woman, Tamara Harrian.
You love this girl. This'm – Oh, I said she is.
Hold on. So let me – can I do a little – Yeah, give us some backstory.
Let me do a little pre-pre. I'm really – I love entitled white people.
It's one of my obsessions in life. That's why you started a podcast with me.
Yeah, yeah. And she is this – she's a lady from Phoenix, Arizona

where my parents

my mom lives

and rest in peace dad

and she

your dad's dead?

stop

oh fuck

stop

stop

you started it

you started it

so um

did you cremate your dad?

I forgot

he's in a dustbin

yeah you did

because your brother

has some

what did you do with yours?

it's in the podcast room

it's in the podcast room?

yeah

I'm never coming there again

Thank you. Did you cremate your dad? I forgot.
He's in a dustbin. Yeah, you did.
Because your brother still has some. What did you do with yours? It's in the podcast room.
It's in the podcast room? Yeah. I'm never coming there again.
What you know is so scary is at nights when it's dark, I have to run in and run out. There's a light in there.
I have to run. I get so scared.
Why don't you go put the ashes somewhere else? Because I like the box. But why don't you put the box somewhere else, I'm saying? Not in the podcast room.
Like in the ocean? Sure. No, you like him in the box.
Put him somewhere where you don't have to see him every time. Yeah, maybe I'll do that.
Yeah, hide it. Yeah, I'll put it in a cabinet or something.
Put it in a top cabinet. Yeah.
I know. I mean, let me ask you this.
If there's a ghost, even if it's in the house in the top cabinet, he gonna go he's gonna be able to figure out and figure out how to get out of the cabinet voodoo is your dad well yeah korean ghosts korean ghosts say voodoo yeah yeah oh wow voodoo voodoo and he's gonna be able to you know yeah figure it out yeah he'll figure out. So no matter where he is in the house, the only way I can get out of it.

Well, he'll be mad if you put him in the top cabinet by the good China.

Bobby, why are you up here?

I'm afraid of heights.

You think he'll say that?

Boo, I'm scared.

Take me down.

Watch the Asian accents.

Oh, that's right.

Yeah.

Oh, my God. Did you write your apology letter?

Yes, I did.

Okay, good.

I have it right now.

Do you really have an apology letter? I want to apologize. Honestly, did you write one? Did you write one? A long one.
Okay. It's five pages long.
So last week, can we get into it a little bit? Sure. All right.
So what's her name? Jen Murphy. Jen Murphy.
So we had Jen Murphy on last week. And, you know, it is what it is.
She came on and she defended herself. She was very cool.
She was actually very nice. I like talking to her.
But a lot of fans said, what a hypocrite, Andrew Santino, because you do Asian X's all the time. And then we mulled it over.
We talked on the phone and we said maybe we should apologize to the fans.

Yeah, we really need to.

And I said you should write a fucking letter.

And so will you read the letter to the fans?

Sure.

Okay.

But I have a little note for you.

Before I read the letter?

Yeah.

What is it?

So I told you to write the letter.

But my little note for you is, and I promise you this. I'm going to take my glasses off.
I promise you this. If you don't do it the way I want you to do it, literally, I will end this podcast, and we will never do it again, and I will walk away.
You promised me this. Okay.
Okay. So when you're reading the letter, all right? Yeah.
I want you to do it in an Asian accent. No.
Yeah. No.
I will fucking walk away from this podcast. You read the letter, but you have to do it in a thick...
I want to be ninja. Yeah, you have to do it in a thick Asian You have to do an ethnic Asian accent.
But as an Asian American, I'm offended. As an Asian American.
I, as an Asian American, I'm offended. Okay, that's fine.
But I, as an Asian American, right, because I think my voice counts. Yeah, it does.
Is that I believe that you are not a racist i believe that you do asian accents for comedy purposes i believe that because you're doing it in front of me and i allow it to do it i want the only reason why i'm doing a podcast with you because you're free in that way yeah we're fun yeah if you don't think that if i'm hanging out with don i did a netflix show with donnell

rawlings yeah and with burke reicher and burke goes we're gonna do an exercise where we talk about our dead dads we like we we lay on our backs yeah we do scream therapy but we want to talk about our dads right and but then burke goes donnell you channeled bobby's dad right and the accent that came out of him, right, was so offensive, right? And then mine, me channeling his dad, oh, my God, I could get canceled. Please stop farting in the studio.
I'm begging you, please. Do you smell it over there? Come on, Bob.
Okay, question. Are you a scientist? Yes well we have i have gas you have air in your body i have gas hold it in for the air it's gas okay it's putrid gas yeah and i know putrid is the word i don't want it yeah and you want it inside me yeah that's where it belongs no it doesn't that's why it comes out but that's for outside.
No. So I have this putrid gas inside me and it's like, if it could talk, it's like, alright, I gotta get on and ready to go, you know? And so I'm like, should I keep this, you know, insidious putrid shit inside my body or do I release it into the, let it go free? It's like a genie in the bottle.

The genie don't want to be in there.

Yeah.

I mean he does want to be.

That's his home.

Oh.

But the genie comes – Do you smell it from there?

Yeah.

Yeah.

Uh-huh.

I'm going to do it again.

Not right now.

Don't fart.

Please don't fart again.

I'll do it quiet.

No, it's not the noise that's bothering me.

Yeah.

Watch.

It'll be ninja.

Talk about ninja.

Ninja.

It'll be a ninja fart? I want to be ninja in my fart. Okay.
Okay. Explain Tamara.
So Tamara Herrian is a – she's married to Bob Herrian and she's – I guess she works at Bob Herrian's law firm, her husband's law firm. Doesn't she own the store? Isn't that the whole thing? No, she doesn't own the store.
Oh, she talked like she owned it. She doesn't own it.
But that's what I love. Some white people do that.
They pretend they own shit. Well, she did say, get out of our store.
Don't serve this guy. I know.
I know, but have you ever seen skate videos where it's like a skater? You can't skate here. Yeah, I own this, but they don't really own it.
You can't skate at this building. I know.
It me crazy yeah so um a latino woman i don't know what the exchange was before yeah but basically tamra harrian um says basically go back to your country she says you don't belong here right let's play the clip let's see what she says bob's been obsessed with this oh i said she is and that's why she's leaving so you will leave too. This is going on the internet.
You don't know who I am. You told her to go back to her country where she's from.
Yeah. Where were you born? I was born in America.
Where are your ancestors from? They're not from this country. You're going back to where we're from.
You just walked in. Excuse me? Oh, wow.
I deserved it. The slap hurt around the world.
You pushed her and she snapped. Yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum.
Oh, I could just on a loop watch that. You want to watch that slap again?

Yeah.

Yeah, she hits her good.

Yeah.

But then...

Boom.

All right, so right there.

Stop.

Pause right there.

Pause right there.

That's perfect.

Yeah.

Look at what the white chick does.

Huh.

She pulled down her fucking blouse.

Look at her titties out.

Oh, I didn't even see that.

Yes.

Oh my God, I didn't notice that.

And I've watched this video before.

Yeah, yeah.

Here we go.

Oh my God, she does.

Yes.

Dude, I'd never seen that.

I've watched enough to know.

So the white woman goes to grab her

and she pulls her boobie out?

Maybe it's a lesbian thing.

I like your titties maybe

or I don't know what it is.

So she wants to get smacked. She's like, smack me again.
Let's see this again. Kitty.
Titty. Titty.
First of all, you don't know. Dude, she hits her hard.
I just want to say this. Yeah.
Okay. I used to date a Latina girl.
Right? And one time she woke – I woke up earlier than her and I hid behind – around this corner and she went to go get coffee. And I snuck up behind her and I just tapped her on the shoulder.
I go, hi! Like that. Right? She did an uppercut.
I almost died. My head went back.
You know? You don't touch a Latina. No.
Oh, well no well she just she must have pushed her or something cause she she hauls off on this bitch yeah look at this you just no you just walked into a there she goes oh oh oh I love it oh oh oh oh my god oh my God. What are you going to do? What are you going to do? So I guess what happened after that was she probably went home because her husband's a lawyer, Bob Harrion.
Yes. And they own a law firm called Harrion Law Firm in Phoenix, Arizona.
And he did – and then so I went to Harrion Law Firm's Wikipedia – well, not their Yelp page and I read the reviews and there was thousands of reviews well we can look at that in a second they erased them, you know how they erase them Yelp reviews? it wasn't Yelp, it's just if you go to Harry and Law Firm and you go to the Google, you can see the reviews on their business thing, yeah they pulled them down well them down well this is bob here let's this is bob um is this a is he apologizing for what happened he's very upset about his wife's behavior and this is bob harrian let's hear what bob what bob has to say here karina i don't know what to say i'm just so sorry i'm just so sorry that this happened you never walked into that store thinking something like this was going to happen i understand i'm so sorry for what she said it was very hateful it was it's indefensible but i i just have to tell you this it's her mental illness a year ago she would never have done or never have even thought of that a year ago a year ago she liked Mexicans in June she was all about Mexicans last year something about this June makes her hate Mexicans we went to a quinceañera in July. We were El Mariachi's at Halloween two years ago.
We love Dia de las Muertes. Our favorite movie is Machete.
We love Coco. I saw Coco with her.
And she said nothing about it. You know what's such a bummer? Yeah.
Perhaps, truthfully, perhaps this guy doesn't know that she does dumb shit like that. Maybe.
I don't know because – Maybe. You think – you know everything about your wife.
Yeah, but let me say this. Yeah.
She may have some dumb – I do dumb shit when I'm away from you shit. Like say some – she doesn't.
But I'm saying he might not know her like he used to know her. Listen, I'm married for 30 years, right? Like imagine, her life is different now.
She's an angry old bitter bitch, and she takes it out on someone. There are signs, though, Andrew.
It's like they're watching Schindler's List, right? And she goes, yeah! And she's laughing during the movie. You know what I mean? She's like cackling, and he's like, it's not a comedy, sweetie.
Yeah. You mean like little signs like that.
You think he had no idea that she was racist? Yeah, when she waves, she does this. Bye! You know what I mean? I mean, I don't know.
You think he knew a little bit? There's always a little bit. But he seems very genuine when he cries.
No. What those tears are.
His loss of income? Is gonna lose my fucking business yeah that's true and i have to do whatever it takes to make and now he could in his mind you know be think that that's what it's about about racism yeah but i think it would if his business wasn't in trouble i don't't think there would be an apology video. Not from him.
Yeah, there wouldn't need to be. Right? If it wasn't his business wasn't in trouble, he wouldn't have said anything.
She should have had to come forward and say something. It affected her.
Yeah, where is she? Why would she say anything? Yeah, but you know what? What is she going to say? Here's another thing is that people have just been popping off lately.

People are saying some weird shit.

I've seen a lot of Asian ones too now.

Go back to China.

Chinese virus.

There's one, the lady, is it Torrance?

Oh, yeah, in LA.

Torrance Karen.

There's actually two videos of her.

Which I can't fucking believe that there's two videos.

A part of it made me think it was fake.

I was like, how did they get this woman twice? Not only that, one of the videos, the woman, or whoever it was, if you look at it, wasn't even full Asian. I didn't see anybody in any of the videos.
In that one, the first video, she's not even full Asian. Alright, well here's the first video of this woman.
She's stretching. This one right here, it doesn't seem full Asian here.
This girl that she's talking to? You just go right here, the step girl. All right, let's see what she says here.
Okay, next time you ever talk to me like that, you're gonna get your ass kicked by my family. They're gonna fuck you up.
What did I do? They're gonna fuck you up. Why? What did I do? Because you are an asshole.
Look at the whole stairs to yourself. You had these stairs and that stairs.
Why don't you go somewhere else where you can go to a gym? This is not just for you. Get the fuck out of this world.
Get the fuck out of this state. Go back to whatever fucking Asian country you belong in.
Okay racist. You little fucking bitch.
This is not your place. This is not your home.
We do not want you here. You put that on Facebook.
I hope you do. Because every fucking person will beat the crap out of you from here on out.
Don't you ever say, oh Jesus, to me, I want to use the stairs, you little bitch. There's other stairs.
You are a sick fucking ignorant teenager. Oh, thank you.
A fucking what, middle-aged woman? Who wears black in California size? Who the fuck wears black? This woman's got a lot of nerve. She's roasting her now.
She's got a lot of nerve talking about her outfit. Look at this fat, crazy bitch's outfit.
What the fuck are you talking about? Who wears black in California? She's got one of those lanyards that college kids wear so they don't lose their mean? What is it? Yeah, lanyard? Look at this woman's got a fucking... Where is she? Look at this...
Look at that thing. That's a nurse's...
That looks like a nurse's... Scrubs? Scrubs? Yeah.
Oh my God. Look at that fucking face.
She looks like Eric Stone Street. Right? It's not your home.
A woman.

A woman looks like Eric Stone Street.

I hope you do.

Because every fucking person will beat the crap out of you from here on out.

And so bitch, also bitch, hey lady, she's like half Asian.

So Keanu Reeves gets, you want Keanu Reeves out of the country.

He's a national treasure.

I like that she goes, get out of this world. world go to a different world there's another video of her all right so this is what's crazy about this is this happened two days in a row that was the only reason that i got a little suspect that i was like something's going on here that she must this one is obviously mentally ill well she's mentally yes something's wrong i don't know about the harrian lady but this no the harrian lady is Just straight up.
The hearing lady's mentally ill. Yes.
She is mentally ill. Something's wrong.
I don't know about the hairian lady, but this one is off. No, the hairian lady is just straight up.
The hairian lady is just an asshole. Yeah.
This woman definitely is mentally ill. Something's wrong.
There's something going on. Okay, and then I dare to say she might be mentally handicapped.
You may be, yeah. That's why I'm being, now I'm like, oh, who knows? Yeah.
She's obviously got enough faculties about her to make really heavily handed racist comments.

Also, look at her last name.

Huh.

Racist Lina Hernandez?

Hernandez.

Yeah, but maybe Hernandez is one of the people that put in the video.

I don't know if that's her name.

Let me look it up, though.

Wait, I have to know.

I'm going to press play on the second video.

Don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't. Who is Lena Hernandez? Who is Lena Hernandez? Torrance Karen strikes twice.
Damn, that's her? Lena Hernandez has been identified as the Torrance Karen. What? Who is subject to a racial tirade on an Asian lady.
What the fuck? So that's how you know she's mentally ill.

Wait a minute.

Hey, I'll go back to fucking Asia if you go back to Mexico.

I'm lost.

She's mentally ill.

Her name is?

Lena Hernandez.

Wow.

Of course, she doesn't look Hispanic, so it sucks that the... I don't know.
Maybe she is. Who knows? It sucks that the victim doesn't have that information.
Just to rattle back. The ammo? Yeah.
No ammo. Let's see what she does on the second one here.
Did you just make a racist comment? You know what? I am not a racist person. You just made a racist comment.
You need to go home. I am from here.
Go home. I don't care about your Facebook or your video.
Do you know how many people can't stand you being here? You play games. We don't play games.
I play games where you get fucked to death. I play games where...
Okay. Obviously death.
Okay. Obviously.
She's in an Asian accent later, though. Go to the Asian accent.
She's mentally ill. Yeah.
No, obviously she's mentally ill. That's what I'm saying.
Yeah, but even there's something else going on. Exactly.
Yeah. This isn't just a normal person like your first girl.
What's the first lady's name? Tamara Harrian. Yeah.
Her husband was like, she's mentally ill.

No, she just is a fucking...

Yeah, this one's never been fucked.

Something's wrong.

No one's been drilling that.

Something's wrong.

Yeah.

Yeah, something's wrong.

Yeah.

Fuck to death.

Fuck to death.

Oh, okay.

Well, great.

Let me take your card.

Let me turn the number play, too.

You can't wait for me.

So this lady just made a racist comment. I can't believe this.
She does more. It's a terrible accent.
Terrible. Are you doing an Asian accent or Elmer Fudd? Yeah, he's putting a ton of this thing.
You don't even know who your family is? How does she have a license? It'd be so funny if she drove like a really nice car She drove like a Ferrari She's like, excuse me China man That gets into a fucking Ferrari Or it'd be funny like a DeLorean From like Back to the Future She puts a bunch of waste inside of it.

Did you finish college?

This is from my government.

Did you finish college?

This is from my government.

Go home.

Sounds like a nice lady.

Yeah, I just,

there's something about

the climate of today

that's like,

it's bringing out.

Yeah, don't you think that's,

yeah, but this is probably,

no, this kind of shit happens a lot.

I just think that like. I think there's been more videos in the last four years than in any other time.
I would have to say that. There's more people recording more often now.
Not only that, but there are more people getting the balls to really express themselves. But don't you think that's ironic that you'd be more adamant to say that when you know someone's going to record you on your cell phone? I think that's a little weird.
That's weird.

Yeah, that's for me.

Because you know cops have changed their behavior

because of body cameras.

Yeah, I have a message for white people

that want to act racist.

Here we go.

Become better actors.

For instance, treat it like you're in a movie.

Right?

So you do your racist whatever, be yourself.

Yeah. As soon as the camera, hello, my friend.
You know what I mean? Right. So if this scenario.
Play a character. She should have gone.
Yeah. As soon as the thing.
You know. Go back to China.
Go back to China. As soon as the camera.
Do you need help with your car? May I help you with your groceries? Yeah. Like, become a different character.
Yeah. We should teach a class, an acting class, for racist people on how to act civil when an iPhone comes out.
As soon as the iPhone comes out. Yeah.
Hello. That's action.
Yeah. When the iPhone comes out, action.
Can I help you with something? Yes. That's exactly.

As soon as the iPhone goes away.

Yeah, yeah.

Then you go back to your... Fucking China man.

Yeah, you go back...

You fucking China man.

You go back into it, yes.

So I think we should take a...

Teach a class.

Bobby and I will be teaching a how to be racist...

A Meisner technique.

Meisner technique racist class.

And you really have to put it into exercise like this.

Go to a local park.

Yes.

And attack an Asian person verbally, not physically.

Let's just stick with Asian for now.

That's class two.

Class two and three get into more.

Right, right.

And advanced.

Yeah.

And more advanced.

Yeah.

And cops can take it too.

Yeah.

You know. Yeah.
That got into an uncomfortable. Yeah.
Yeah. Well, just because what...
I'm sorry. I didn't read the planet.
You didn't read the planet. I didn't read the planet.
Read the planet. Yeah, I should read the planet more.
Read the entire planet. Yeah.
I think these videos are circulating more and more because people want to catch people saying fucked up shit. Yeah yeah i think people say fucked up shit all the time thank god for phones iphones thank god for technology has anybody ever said something like that to you rude has anybody ever said go back to your country or anything like that no has anybody said that to you bob oh my god you have no idea dude first of all i'm 48 right so i was i grew up in an age where white people used to go wild on us, bro.

I mean, do you ever see the – Go back to China?

Is that what they're saying?

No, but even little things like open the refrigerator.

No one ever played you this game?

No.

So as a kid, we stepped at this game and I used to cry when I went home.

But kids would go, all right, Bobby, open the refrigerator. And you would open the refrigerator, take out the Coke.
Take out the what? Coke. Okay.
So you would take out the Coke. I swear to God this was a thing.
Drink it. And then you would drink it.
And they would go, me Chinese, me play joke, me go pee pee in your Coke. Why would they pee in your Coke? I have no idea where that comes from.
But I remember the first time doing it, I would do it and I would drink it and they would do it. Right.
And I would be like – I would spit it out and I would go home and I would start crying. I swear to God that was a thing.
Me Chinese, me play joke. Me go pee pee in your Coke.
Me go pee pee in your Coke. Where does that come from? I don't know where it comes from.
What is it? What was the other one? I don't know that one. I've never heard that.
You've never heard that at all? No, but I've heard like a, you know, Chinese, look at these dirty knees. You know what that is? Yeah.
I don't know. Why can't I do that? Yeah, I know that.
Yeah, Chinese. Look at these dirty knees.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. That was the other one.
I don't know what that was. I don't know what that was either but they would do it I thought you were gonna do this game that people used to do no what you know this thing from you know what this is don't you you never did this no this is no put your hands like this yeah okay now come come up to my hands I don't wanna touch you what do you mean yeah six feet away well then we can't do it yeah I don't wanna touch you our hands need to interlock and then you open it it looks like a pussy you've never you've never seen that before yeah but that's not a racist thing why would you even do that one I know, that feet away.
Well, then we can't do it. Yeah, I don't want to touch you.
Our hands need to interlock, and then you open it, it looks like a pussy. You've never seen that before? Yeah, but that's not a racist thing.
Why would you even do that one? No, I know. That's what I thought you were going to do when you did this.
I didn't know what you were doing. Yeah, but that's what I was doing like this.
Well, no, it does become racist because the color of the vagina is the color of your hands. Yeah, but kids used to always just, you know, they would do this.
Yeah. You know? Yeah.
And, you know, you just kind of, as a kid, Asian kid, Because I grew up in Minnesota For like eight years And I was like the only Asian kid In Edina Where You were in Minneapolis? Where? Edina Oh wow Right And Kids used to say the worst things They'd throw ice balls Get the Eskimo In the snow Get out Right And they would throw icy snowballs At where I bleed. Yeah.
And I'd be running. You know? I mean, just – and then I would go home and people say I play a victim.
It's fine. But, you know, then my dad would be abusive too.
So it was like, you know, you would get it from all sides. Yeah.
Right? But, yeah, they used to go fucking free with that shit, dude. Go home to your country is a weird phrase that people like for some reason.
Did you ever hear that? I. Go back.
Newsflash. Newsflash.
Hello. It's I don't know where that I was.
Listen, I was born here, man. The only thing I know is this language, baby.
I know all Tom and Jerry cartoons, Mr. Rogers, all that shit, baby.

Baby.

And I don't know what you fucking mean.

I'm not going anywhere.

He's not going anywhere, baby.

No one's going anywhere.

You belong here.

And it's like when they say that, you know.

Where would you go?

Go back to your country.

I'm also Korean.

Don't say go back to. Get the fucking country right, first of all.
Go back to South Korea. Yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. If you're going to say it, you have to say it the right way.
I want to— What? Let's—we'll knock this out of the park. Last week, people got mad because people said I'm a hypocrite for the Jen Murphy video.
Bob and I have a relationship where when we do accents to each other

um people said i'm a hypocrite for the jen murphy video um uh bob and i have a relationship where when we do accents to each other um that's in our comedic world and um that's that uh if you think that i'm hypocritical for calling out jen murphy um for doing a video about wanting to be a ninja while selling murphy beds um if you think that's the same thing as me doing accents with my friend Bob, then I can't help you. That's all I'm going to say about that.
I want to say this too. I can't help you if you don't get that the woman selling fucking Murphy beds, making fun of Asian people.
If you think that's the same as what I do with Bob, I can't help you. I don't know, man.
That's it. There's also a lot of victims.
I'm not saying that I'm a victim with racial injustice. When I first came to L.A., this is not comedy, but this is true, I went to ICM.
My manager, there was an agency called ICM back in the day. Yeah, they're still there, right? Yeah, and I had a meeting, and the agent said – I know his name, but I'm not going to say it.
Is he still an agent? Yeah. He basically said, listen, you're Asian.
Asians are never going to work in Hollywood. This is 1998, and no one is going to sign you.
I'm sorry. You're a funny kid.

Right?

Not that he said anything like derogatory.

He was just giving me.

He's giving you the landscape of what's really going on.

Right.

And in my head, it hurt at first.

Yeah.

But there is a sense of me going, I'll show you.

Yeah.

Proving him wrong.

I'm going to prove you wrong.

Yeah.

And, you know, I don't know if without that I think all those things when I was bullied racially or whatever I think it seeped into my heart and I had an internal dialogue with myself that said alright that's uncomfortable that sucks but I'm not going to play be a victim. I'm going to just show you.
And there is anger. You build anger inside yourself and there's resentment, especially in my generation of Asians, right? Because now I go to my shows and I see like, you know, a dumpy Asian dude dating a hot white chick.
And it's just a given. And you go, you know, I want to go, what the fuck? But know but like you know I remember it was just so much harder for me yeah right but you know it's but back in my day that you just didn't see shit like that right and so but I am I would never change anything about my past yeah you learn we grow we change yeah I've been bullied I've been beaten.
I've been beaten. I've had great things too.
I have great memories as well. But all those things accumulate to – and that journey to this moment here.
And I wouldn't change this moment for the world because I have a great life. Yeah.
And I – I want to say this say I'm proud of myself. Yeah.

You know, I do a lot of self-deprecating humor.

I can be down on myself with shame and all that kind of stuff.

But at the end of the day, it's like, bitch, I fucking done so many great things.

And I've overcome so many fucking things.

And, you know, I love when people go on the Internet, dude, you're not funny? Fuck you. Fuck you.
Be real. Come on.
Papa got it. Papa got it.
Those are difficult things to say out loud. Yeah.
Those are difficult to say because you want to be humble. But I also – we get attacked a lot.
Yeah, lot yeah it's because we put ourselves out there we put ourselves out that we get attacked a lot yeah and i don't fight back ever i don't ever comment that usually you know but you know there it does build and you want to just say to people bitch what the fuck you talking about you know tiger belly is not funny people say bitch don't listen yeah yeah tune out tune out i don't know i like when people say like uh oh you've lost me on this one yeah okay man we don't okay i also we don't it's not like andrew and i call each other before these yeah all right so do you have a list of things we want to talk about we should map out exactly exactly who – Exactly, yeah. Because I know podcasts that do that.
They have segments and stuff like that. Yeah, we'll plan stuff once in a great while if we really want to talk about it.
Yeah, sometimes guests obviously are planned out. Yeah.
But in terms of like today, I showed up there. I go, dude, I don't know if I can do this.
I'm tired. I said that to you.
Yeah, some days are tough. And then you were like, yeah, i didn't sleep that well either no you know so some days are tough but these aren't oh my god are you okay yeah i think we do this for fans that want to have fun and come along for the ride and if you uh disagree with what we say or what we do that's cool uh fucking cool it out What does that mean? People that get upset at things that we say on the show or what we do on the show.
Sorry. Oh my God, I swear to God, I thought you farted.
No. I swear to God, I thought that was like a rumbler.
I thought that's what that – what was that? Her phone.

You know why she did that?

Why?

She hated the segment?

That's not it.

She didn't like what we were talking about. No, no, no.

That's not it.

What she does is Jules plays – what's the game you play?

No, I'm not playing.

No, no.

What's the game you play?

Mobile Legends.

Mobile Legends.

Mobile Legends?

Mobile – whatever.

Yeah.

And at dinner she plays it when you're having conversations. What is it? What is the game? It's just a video game on her phone Rudy what is it? What's the game? There's like 10 players And then 5 to 5 we kill And like win Kill big theme for her Yeah she loves killing How do you kill on the game? Is it with guns? Don't say knife Guns Sw, swords, or...
Knife. She loves knife shit.
Powers. Powers, yeah.
But you play it a lot, right? Yeah, but not right now. Why did you drop your phone? It just slipped.
Why was it in your hand? I was talking to someone. Yeah.
See, you're working right now. At your job, here in America...
Tell her to go back to her country. Go back to your country.
Yeah, there you go. Here in America, right? When we work, we work.
All right? Yeah. And you're on the fucking clock right now.
What are you texting? George texted me. What did he say? Yeah.
What did George say? George wants to know if we're going to talk to Andres. We will.
I know he gets real – George gets real uppity and ampity. I want to also talk about – let's talk about things that we've watched in quarantine and things we want to recommend to people.
Why don't we ever do that? Normal people and what we do in the shadows are the two things that I'm going to recommend right now. And I don't care that you don't like normal people.
You don't want to watch it. I am going to watch it.
It's so good it's so good I'm telling you it's so good so what I've been watching is I've been watching because of Jules put your fucking phone down I've been getting into anime are you serious? yeah what are you watching? I saw Attack on Titan I don't know what that is it's so good is it one of your favorite shows? is that why why no i saw it before her yeah attack on titan is probably in the top attack on titan yeah these are some of the people yeah whoa cool so the premise of attack on titan is um it's a asian society i don't know where it is but in it's basically people now live. Will you pay attention to me? I'm listening.
Okay. I just want to see the characters.
People now live behind walls. Like we're in a confined area that the government's done in? There's like three walls.
Yeah. Right? One's called Rose Wall.
Yeah. Yeah, there's a couple of other walls, right? And I guess toward the center of the walls, like if you're in the middle society, it's upper people with money on the outskirts.
But there are these gigantic walls. And the reason why there's walls is because there are these gigantic creatures called titans.
And they kind of look like humans, but they're like 500 feet tall.

Wow.

Right?

And they look like zombies.

And they go, right?

And they tear down walls.

And so the show starts off, for 100 years, not a single sight of a titan.

People are just living freely.

You know what I mean?

Oh.

And kids are playing around, and then all of a sudden they show up again and they look like that yeah that's the that's the um one of the main titans they look like uh like skeleton with all the muscle fiber tissue no that's that they all you they all generally don't look like that look at all the other Titans. Google it.

They're like that.

That guy's there?

Is that the same guy?

Yeah.

They look like that.

It looks like Iggy Pop.

Yeah, yeah.

That looks exactly like Iggy Pop.

Legitimately, that's what Iggy looks like.

Super rail thin.

And do they eat the people?

Or it looks like a naked Eleanor Kerrigan. Like I can imagine if you're dating Eleanor Kerrigan and she goes out to get a cup of water and comes back to bed looking like that.
I love Eleanor. I love you.
So this is so fucking creepy. That's what they look like.
And what – I don't understand. How did they get this way? Did they used to be – Well, I don't want to give away the story.
But there is a reason why they're there. But you'll find out during the show.
Don't tell me. But it really is fucking scary because it's like the main – what's the main kid's name? Aaron.
Aaron is a boy.

A-A-R-O, Aaron?

Yeah.

What a boring – It's a tie.

And he has his best friend, Mikasa, who's a girl.

And they're kids.

Mikasa?

Yeah.

Maybe they're 12, 13 years old.

My house.

They're playing around.

Go ahead.

And the Titans attack, right?

And this is not giving anything away. Right.
of the titans picks up aaron's mom looks at it and just tears her mom in half like rips off her head her half her body oh my god it blood squirting all over in front of aaron right so it's very graphic in that way what does my house do whatasa do? Mikasa's like, come on Aaron, and they run away. They don't even try to save.
So when it says... They're kids.
David and Goliath. You have to figure out a way to...
They do. They do figure it out.
Of course, of course. They train.
They do the whole fucking thing. I like it.
Then the attack on the Titan is the finale. Well, it gets way crazier than that.
How many episodes? And where can I see it? There's like 50 episodes. Where do you watch it? Netflix.
There's only one season on Netflix? Yeah, then I bought the rest on iTunes. Netflix does that.
They bait you into one. You have to go buy it somewhere, huh? Yeah.
Why do they do that? They put up one season. Maybe they only bought the rights to one season and maybe the production company does that.
We'll give you a season but we're going to keep second, third season so people buy it. Does it ever feel like you're a marketing professional just speaking into the void? Well, with LinkedIn ads, you can know you're reaching the right decision makers.
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Terms and conditions apply. Did you see that they removed Gone with the Wind from...
What, they took it down down because it has racial undertones, but it was removed. Spike Lee says, look at this.
After his op-ed, Gone with the Wind, John Ridley had written this thing. HBO Max pulled down Gone with the Wind because it has racist undertones.
Yeah, I don't really agree with that. Do you? Well, no.
It's a part of our history. It's about a movie history.
Right. And I don't like when people fuck with movies in that way.
Like, I remember Last Tango in Paris. You know that movie? Marlon Brando.
Are you going to take down Driving Miss Daisy, by the way? Exactly. That movie is littered with racial undertones and social commentary.
Yeah. So if we had those things because they represented a time period, they're historically – we're talking about a time period.
Right. Yeah.
Well, that's kind of – this brings up a good discussion then. When people talk about tearing down racist statues, right, of people that were like – yeah.
It's interesting to me. I get why people go, fuck that shit, take it down, fucking that guy's a piece of shit, yada, yada, yada.
Then I also go, yeah, but that's a representation of the past and now we're moving forward and look at how far we've come, right? There's a duality in my mind that goes, you're not going to go to – are you going to say tear down Auschwitz?

Auschwitz is – no, not even arguably.

It's the most disgusting place on earth because of its history, right?

Repulsive.

But it's there as an example that Jewish organizations continue to fund to make sure that young people see it to know –

It's a reminder.

It's a reminder of how awful the history was and how far we've come. So keep the Robert E.
Lee fucking statue. Well, there's something about these statues that reminds us where we've come from.
It's a duality for me. I understand why people go, that guy was like USC took down a statue.
And I don't remember who it was on their campus. They had a guy that obviously had views that they no longer agreed with but to me it's like well isn't that a good talking point? I don't know I don't understand I don't know it's also even the confederate fat lag well that's a whole new thing now it's a whole new thing because now it's banned from NASCAR and the NASCAR guy was like, I ain't going to race no more.
And that's it. Yeah.
And did you see his – did you see about this guy? No, no, no. Did you see his racing record? No, no, no.
What's his name? You're going to fucking love this. Confederate flag.
If you're hanging a Confederate flag to remind people about our ugly past, that's one thing. But if you hang it in pride, it depends on what your intentions are, right? Yeah, well, here's the problem.
It's, hold on here. NASCAR truck racer Ray Cicerelli says he's quitting over the company's decision to fucking NASCAR driver let's see his name is Ray C-I-C-C-A-R-E-L-L-I Ray Cicerelli he's gonna quit because they've decided to ban I want to see a photo though can you just go to images let's do this I want to show you this though racing record you're gonna love this.
I want you to show you this, though. Racing record.
You're going to love this.

Part-time competitor.

He's not even a full-time NASCAR.

Driving number four in a truck.

Through 18 races over the span of three years,

he has one top ten finish.

You suck!

You fucking suck!

No one's going to miss you.

You suck.

You fucking suck.

In fucking three years, you've only finished in the top ten one time. You fucking suck.
Yeah. No one's going to miss you.
You suck. You fucking suck.
In fucking three years, you've only finished in the top ten one time. You fucking suck, Cicerelli.
Look what this fucking moron looks like. What do you mean you're going to cut ties? They were going to fire you.
You know what that's like? That's going to your boss and being like, I quit. And they're like, we were going to fire you.
The fucking, you're the worst employee. You don't even work here anymore.
It, Cicerelli. This is him.

That's him going to get him.

That's it. I'm going to fucking get a hoagie.

Fuck this shit. He's mad that they took away the Confederate flag for NASCAR.

That's what they look like, don't they?

They all look like that, huh? This guy's a fucking idiot.

You suck. You suck

at fucking racing. So you quit because you suck.

Not because the Confederate flag.

Well, he's kind of handsome.

From that angle. What a stupid fucking thing to get mad over.
They took awayederate flag. Well, he's kind of handsome.
From that angle.

What a stupid fucking thing to get mad over. They took away the confederate flag.
Look at the size of these guys. Oh my god.
Slap fighting is maybe some of the coolest. Put on your fucking headphones.
Slap fighting is some of the coolest shit I've ever seen in my fucking life. It's just grown men just beating the fucking shit out of each other.

The fact that they can even take the hit and stand up afterwards is insane.

They're putting it in slow motion.

I don't want to hear this music.

It's insane.

They hit these guys so fucking hard. Bop.
Ugh. They just take it.
No, not, I mean. Oh, coma.
A standing coma. Look, and they put stuff in their ears to protect their ears.
Yeah. Because sometimes they hit their ears in the side of their neck.
Yeah. I mean.
Ugh. Oh, my God that comes up when you hit when he hits him in the face i mean like who wins though us at home no i know but but did they keep slapping until yeah i don't know they i don't know the official rules falls is that that you lose i think if you pass out you're done yeah i think if you're done you're done.
He's trying to talk to him. How are you feeling? Did he fuck you up? I don't know why they have to have this music in the background.
But yeah, slap competitions, that's a huge... That's a big thing.
Have you never seen that before? No. Really? Well, I've seen slapping.
No, but slap boxing. I've never seen slapping.
I'm going to Google the fuck out of it. I'm obsessed already.
All right. I want to talk about, you know I have a new pet.
You do? Yeah. So I don't know if you know, but I have three cats and three dogs, and I have a new pet.
I know that. And I have a pet named Leonard.
Leonard is who?

What kind of pet is Leonard?

Let me tell you the story.

Please.

So about five days ago,

Kalilah goes,

we have a new pet.

And I go,

what the fuck?

We have enough.

Yeah.

She goes,

look on our balcony.

And on our balcony

is a crow. Dude, I have a crow in my backyard no and it's there every day i swear to god i swear to god on my life this one broke its wing oh and its leg oh my guy is my guy's chill yeah yeah no he's not chill no your guys is paralyzed paralyzed okay and the crow's you on the porch, you know what I mean, with his mouth out like this.

Right?

Yeah.

Like, kill me.

I'm dying.

Take my life.

Right?

So I'm like, what the fuck do we do?

We call humane, I don't know who, animal.

The Humane Society, right?

No, no, no, no.

What do you, animal.

Animal rights activist.

I don't know.

Some sort of.

I don't know.

We Google it, right?

You call the people.

Call somebody.

You called a picture of a picture? No, no, no, no, no What are you, animal Animal rights activist I don't know Some sort of I don't know Google it, right? You call the people Call somebody You call the people Exterminate, I don't know Exterminator Extermination Show up, kill the bugs in the crowd Right, right Yeah She goes, I go So yeah, alright Call it Call the number Call them up She's like, no What? No I. I'm calling nobody.
We're going to heal it. What? We're going to nurture it back to...
Get the fuck out of here. Lila wants to nurture a crow? Yes.
So what are you doing? Are you keeping it in your house? It's still there. Is it not still there? Wait, in your backyard? No.
In our front porch. What? Yeah, it's now white.

The porch is white.

Because there's poop.

For the shit.

There's shit everywhere.

So we order fancy fruits.

Don't tell me you ordered the crow fancy fruits.

No, no, no.

We already had it.

So we have Asian pears.

I love Asian pears. You know, Mongolian apples.

Don't like that.

Right?

We have different kinds of specialized fruit.

All Asian fruit.

For us.

All Asian fruit.

For us.

She's slicing it like sashimi.

For the crow?

Dicing it.

Yeah.

Then she boils eggs.

First of all.

Crows don't eat eggs.

Yeah, first of all, who the fuck?

It's like me eating a boiled fetus. What fuck I'm not gonna eat that right wait she boils eggs just for the crow does she not boil the eggs yes right what fucking crow right are they not and then she starts going now she ordered two books online about crow's intellects no yeah crow the fantastic beast or whatever the fucking books are called crows are omnivores they eat nearly anything they're like parrots she goes they're like parrots she's watching ted talks on they're like parrots they they recognize they the mirror test they pass the mirror test i mean they do they were they are smart birds okay they are smart okay and they eat everything all right so.
But let me say something. Except for Asian fruits.
Look at that. It says it right there.
Yeah. When you're – okay.
When you're boiling eggs, dicing up Asian fruits, right, giving them – also I guess they like cat food. But I get the really fancy kind.
What's the fancy kind? Cat food. There's an expensive and a cheaper cat food? Yeah, yeah.
I get the high-end cat food for my cats. What is it? From.
That's what it's called. But it's like chicken.
What makes it nicer? It's dry. It's kibbles.
I have wet food too, but the kibble, the nice kibble. Kibble is better.
So with the kibble in there, right? And water, not just faucet water. Filtered water.
Fucking Fiji water, fucking bitch. Well, you gotta.
You have to. Fiji fucking water, bitch.
You have to feed it Fiji water. Right.
And then she goes, look at the crow. Then she puts on, you know what she does? She puts on the fucking beetles.
Blackbird. Blackbird flies.
And we're both weep. Did I weep? I weeped a little bit.
Blackbird singing in the dead of night. Right.
That's a great fucking song. It was the house that I grew up in.
My dad. Buddy.
This is where my dad would go. That's him chirping, my dad.
That's him going, Yeah, chup, chup, ch's him going, chup, chup, chup. Buddy, come here.
And the birdie's up. He'd grab it by the neck, right? You know that Olympic sport where they take the ball and they...
Yeah, the shot put? Yeah, the shot put. Yeah.
He would shot put it into the air, right? And then you would hear a large thud in the middle of the street. That's how my dad would have handled it, right? So now it's day what? Five or six? Five.
Five. It's day five now, right? You would think that the crow would be like exercising, right? Trying to mend, you know what I mean, his shit.
No, he's comfortable now. No, he's lounging.
Yeah, he got a little lounge chair. He's lounging, eating the fruits.
Best food he's ever fucking had, by the way. Yeah.
Right? Fiji water. Oh, it's purified, right? The antioxidants in it, right? Just hanging like this.
It's going to be with us forever. Leonard.
There's no fucking reason now. Here's my idea.
Yeah, he's not going to leave. Yeah, you want my idea? And they both rejected my idea.
What? I have three cats. Right? Yeah, I got it.
Right. I pick up Ming, the oldest one.
She's fucking. When I lived on Beachwood, I'm in trouble for this, but I got in trouble for this for this but what i would do is this is before i had the other two cats and because ming was so bored because we had no other animals yeah so i would go to get the fancy bird food i would i lived on a third third three store stories up you've been to my place yep and i put fucking bird food right on the railing of my balcony.
Oh, man. I know.
And I would put the fucking cat out there, right? And one of these little birds, and Ming would, ca-cah, and just fucking grab him from the air. She's fucking vicious.
Wow. Yeah, she's the bad.
And she would drag it back into the apartment, and that would get in big trouble. It would get in big trouble.
It's so fucked up. It's so fucked up.
It's fucked up. So you're gonna let ming out to go say hi to the no so what my idea was is that no i wasn't gonna do that that's cray cray oh and animal what you did before wasn't cray cray i apologize for that okay okay okay i apologize what i would do now is pick up ming no food water by the way yeah no my, water.
Go, you're not going to die, but we're not going to give you shit. Yeah, you get nothing.
Right? Pick up Ming. You knock on the window.
They named it Leonard. That's another thing where it's a danger.
It's a danger. That's a great name.
It is a great name. Yeah.
But it's danger. Like, you're going to see it again.
Well, yeah, it's not going to go anywhere now. Right.
So I would knock on the thing, not call it Leonard. Hey, bird.
Right? Chirp, chirp. Knock, point at Ming, and go, three days.
You think it knows days? Yes. You have three days.
Three days. Yeah.
I bet you. And what if Leonard goes like this? Fuck you.
No. What Leonard would do? He'd be out there exercising.
Oh, you're ready to fly away. Getting his shit.
Because he knows he has three fucking days to get the fuck out of there. I think you should write it.
Right. Write it on the window.
A big three. And then the next day, wipe it off.
Or hire Amy Adams from movie fucking The Arrival. Right? And bring up a board.
Let her talk to her. Right, and do it like some sort of communication kind of a thing.
She must know how to do it. She must know how to do it.
But that bird would be out of there. Now Leonard is here to fucking stay, my friend.
Yeah. Are you happy about that, Root? Yeah, she is.
Well, you love Leonard? Yeah. Here's another thing that they've done They go

Watch this now

They go to the balcony

And Kalaya goes like this

Or makes some sort of noise

You know what Leonard does?

Oh

Yeah

Communicates back

They're buddies

They have a language now

Yeah I love it

When I go out in the balcony

That's not what happens

He starts hopping away

He wants to get away from you

Yeah

Yeah cause he knows what you've done

I'm smoking too

And I'm giving him

Oh don't do that

Don't do that

Don't smoke in front of the bird

All right. out in the balcony? That's not what happens.
He starts hopping away. He wants to get away from you.
Yeah.

Yeah, because he knows what you've done.

I'm smoking, too.

And I'm giving him

a sick guy.

Oh, don't do that.

Don't do that.

Don't smoke in front of the bird.

Oh, fuck you.

The birds, they don't like smoke.

It's my house.

No, it's not.

Not anymore.

It's my Asian fruits.

That is your Asian fruits.

Those are my Asian fruits.

You need to get those back.

My eggs.

I know.

But now we have this fucking

black crow named Leonard.

Hey, hey, whoa, whoa, whoa.

Jesus Christ. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
yeah. We have an Afro-American.
We have. We have.
We have. Yeah.
An African-American crow. We have an African-American.
Crow. Crow.
And he lives on our balcony. And I don't know what to do.
Andrew, help me. I'm not.
I really like Leonard.

I like the idea.

Help me.

I need you to help me.

Jules, what do you think we should do? Well, you asked me for help and I would help you, but she's here.

I know.

So, Jules, Jules, get closer to the mic.

Right?

If Leonard doesn't leave for another week, what do we do?

Let him stay. See? You let Leonard stay.
Inside. No, because the cats.
Yeah, but then you gotta let him fend for himself. It's gotta learn.
It's gotta learn. That's how it works.
Yeah, so I have a fucking black crow now I have to take care of. African American.
African African-American. Crow.
Bird. Crow.
Bird. And you're giving it Asian fruits.
Yeah. Maybe I should give it.
What's that now? What? I'm going to show you a clip. Barbecue.
Look at this. Bobby sent me this.
This is the precursor to the slab fights. This was on some, this was on, whose Instagram was this? So one of my favorite UFC fighters is Derek Lewis.
Oh, Derek Lewis's Instagram. Yeah.
Look at this. This is a great clip.
Hold on. Okay.
All right, first of all, let's, number one. This is called slap for cash.
Yeah. When you have a stripper pole in your living room, that's a good thing.

Yeah.

Yeah, that's a good thing.

Yeah.

Yeah, yeah.

And there's cash on the ground, obviously.

Is that cash?

Yeah, that's money.

And he's going to slap this man.

And if he can take the hit, he's going to give him money.

He's going to take a slap for cash! Are you ready? I am ready. Oh no! Oh my gosh! Oh my god, are you okay? Quester, are you alright? You crazy fucking dude.

I'm trying to feel my mouth.

I'm trying to feel my mouth.

Motherfucker, I'm glad I didn't slap him.

My head is bleeding.

You're so crazy and you're like half dead.

Fuck, that's real blood. Slap for cash, Quest G, fuck everybody, but love is love.
Oh my God, look at the blood on the floor. Holy shit.
Wait, where are you bleeding from? I was picked, that's acne. If you have back acne like that, get on fucking proactive.
Where are you bleeding from? Oh, that's acne. Yeah.
He hit him so hard his acne broke open. I love it when people get hurt.
Yeah. And then they try to pretend they're not.
No, no. Yeah, no.
Or they're not. They're trying to pretend to be like super tough.
That, look, he took the hit. But I got to tell you, the sound he makes when he gets hit is absolutely one of the funniest things on earth.
Yeah. Listen to this.
The sound. He goes, uh.
listen to how funny this sounds. Do you know why? He went through a black hole.
He's time traveling. He traveled through time and space.
This is so fun to listen to. Look at this chick's face.
Look at this girl. Oh my God.
What did you think was going to happen? Look at the fucking size of this guy. Look at how big he is.
This guy's got to be 350, 400 pounds. You think this guy doesn't have a fuckload of inertia and energy behind him? No science before you let a guy like this hit you in the fucking face.
Also, what else do you notice about the video? Right now, pause it there. The flattest ass that chick has.

Wait, what?

Let me see.

Her ass is flat.

Well, that's also very funny.

There's a girl just spinning on a stripper pole.

Look at this.

This girl's spinning.

As this guy's about to get fucking knocked into another universe,

this girl's just spinning on a pole in vans.

I just love this sound.

Sorry, one more time with the sound.

Oh, my God. spinning on a pole in vans.
I just love this sound. Sorry, one more time with the sound.
Never mind the fact,

by the way, that the worst sound

is his head hitting the wall.

His head hits the wall. That's how he starts really

bleeding. Listen how hard his head hits the wall.

Oh my god.

Holy shit.

The wall is, listen how shit the wall is

listen how loud the wall is

oh look at her

hey can somebody

make the remix of this

you know that

people have remixed that fucking song

that

all the girls gotta go like this

you're diving in a row

cause there ain't no hollering back girl

this sounds like the beginning of that when he hits the fucking wall

listen

Oh my God. He could have died, dude.
Yeah, well, look at his head almost hit the fucking, I mean, the baseboards. The edge on that could have cracked his skull.
Also, this is the internet.

If you slapped me... Like that?

If you slapped me

as hard as you could,

what do you think

would happen to me?

Honestly?

Honestly.

We'd have to take you

to the hospital.

I'd have so much

built up years

of wanting to

actually physically

punch you or slap you.

Yeah, yeah.

It would come out...

I mean, you would

certainly make the same sound.

Yeah, I don't think I would do it. If I hit you, you'd sound just like this.
You'd be gone. Oh my God, I would be gone.
If you hit me, what would happen? We'd just keep talking. You would keep chatting.
We'd keep talking. We'd just chat away.
We'd just chat away. Yeah.
This is the new age of the internet, though. This is the kind of stuff that our parents' generation doesn't know exists.
Isn't that wild? Which means that this shit was going on behind closed doors. Yes.
Like, all this shit that we're watching now on the internet. You just now get to see it.
People just did it in their basement. Yeah.
Yeah. Lighting their dick on fire, stapling their nuts.
You would see them at work. Hey, Bob.
Hey, how's it going? Hey, Billy. It's good.
Weird weekend. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
What happened to you this weekend? Did something unusual happen? Oh, just, you know. Meanwhile, that was happening.
I can't get enough of that. This girl's sucking on a sucker.
Holy shit, I didn't think that was going to happen to you. Speaking of weird fucked up weekends what happened to you i went to a wedding a backyard oh yeah tell me about that honestly yeah i'm thinking it's a small wedding it's gonna be nice and casual and tiny it's just it was only a couple people it was just people that were here and then they zoomed the other part of the wedding and i was like this will be quick it'll be small because i don't want to stay these people don't want us at their house.
You know what I mean? Like it was a family. It's the family of my buddy's wife and ceremonies whatever we eat dinner and I'm thinking we should probably get out of their house.
Time to say goodnight. Yeah.
No. Why? The fucking parents are ready to turn the fuck up.
The most fun I've had. Dude, we're dancing.
We're drinking. We go into this other part of the house.
Are you social distancing? Yeah. Yeah.
No, we are. How? And then we smoked.
How are you dancing? No, shut up. And then we smoked weed together, and that was fun.
You're smoking weed? With an older gentleman. Social distancing.
Yeah, but I was roach pinching it, so my lips didn't touch it. Yeah, yeah.
So you're at a wedding. A backyard wedding.
And you're smoking weed with the dad. With all the elders.
Oh, wow. Getting baked out of their fucking head.
I mean, literally, verbatim, he goes, I haven't smoked weed in, I don't know, 20 some odd years. And I was like, oh my God.
Oh my God. I was like, this is going to be fucking incredible.
The first thing, after we're all laughing, having a good time, we're getting high, we're telling stories and chatting. Yeah.
The guy who lives – goes inside of his house and immediately changes into shorts and like a comfy T-shirt like that. Yeah.
And sits by the fire and is just roasting marshmallows. And that's his – that's how – that's his way of saying get the fuck out.
I'm really high. No, no, no.
We were all – no, we were all roasting marshmallows. Oh, I thought he was like get the fuck out.
No, no, we're making s'mores. That was his way of being like, I'm comfy.
Leave me alone. I'm going to eat marshmallows.
Have fun. It was such a fun dude.
How long did you stay there for? Hey, we were there all night. Yeah.
And then I walked home. Yeah.
Oh, so it's in the neighborhood. On this side of town.
It's on my side of town. Yeah, yeah.
It was in the neighborhood, and I walked home. Sherman Oaks.

We're in Sherman Oaks.

Yeah, yeah.

Bob.

Giving away locations.

Yeah.

You guys want to know Bobby's address?

No.

People already fucking sent me this.

13-12-64.

Yeah.

Uh-oh, you fucking cocks on me.

Bake Ridge Lane.

That's it.

And Rudy's address is 13- 65. 64 and a half.
Yeah. Uh-oh, you fucking cocks on me.
Bakeridge Lane. That's it.
And Rudy's address is 13... 65.
64 and a half. Yes.
Bad, bad Rudy girl Lane. Yeah.
She's also ordering fucking furniture. Who the fuck do you think you are? A dresser came in yesterday.
Did it really? Yeah. And then it's like this gigantic box.
It's like, Uncle Tito, how do we, you know what I mean? We had to, I had to get a Mexican dude to come over.

The way you said that?

A Mexican friend.

I had to get a Mexican to get over here.

A couple of Mexican fellas.

On TaskRabbit?

Do you use TaskRabbit?

Yeah.

And they helped me bring it up to the thing, but she's like ordering shit online now.

What do you pay them to help you build stuff?

Is it, is it, how much does it cost?

It was like a hundred bucks or something.

To help you build a dresser? Yeah. And whose dresser was it? For the rude? Yeah.
Why do you pay them to help you build stuff? How much does it cost? It was like a hundred bucks or something. To help you build a dresser?

Yeah. And whose dresser was it?

For the rude? Yeah. Why do you order shit?

I didn't order it. It was with the Kalilah.
She ordered it.

She's just been so snooty around the

house. Has she really?

Yeah. Just like

now she's now so comfortable with me.

She's just like making faces.

You know?

Like she'll look at a thing.

Like a mess.

Because she's sick of it.

Yeah. The trash.

She's just tired of the bullshit. Yeah.

The maggots that she brought in.

Tell them about the maggots. Maggots?

Maggots? What do you mean? You have maggots?

No, I don't have. We've been seeing maggots in the house.
Do you guys leave food out? Cheetah Bobby. You leaving food out to get maggots? You know how long that would take to get maggots? That's crazy.
Me. Why are you doing that? You're going to have maggots in your house? It's not like I'm fucking creating a maggot farm.
Kind of. I know, but it's purposely.
It's like, I want to discover. But you got to throw away food.
Maggots are going to. I know that we have trash cans and behind I'll just throw in like a pizza or something.
And the pizza will go back there. Oh my God.
Yeah, and there's a maggots. You live there.
Yeah. And then she, and then like, it's so funny because I make her do all kinds of.
I know. Like, hey, what did yesterday go? hey, there's some beef.
There's some beef chunks on the ground. Clean it up.
You just put them on the ground? No, it was dog shit. And she goes, you saw it first! Oh, you saw it first, so you have to clean it up.
Yeah, I got to clean it. Whoever saw it first has to clean it up.
Isn't that the rule? You spotted it. You clean it.
Do I treat you like a mean parent, do you think?

Worse.

No.

What do I treat you like?

I don't know.

You're fun.

That's the word I wanted.

Tito Bobby's fun.

Okay, yeah.

Tell everyone, get closer to the mic.

You lift it up a little bit so that, yeah,

and get your mouth close to it.

She hates the microphone.

Do you love your Uncle Tito?

Yeah.

Say I love you uncle tito i love you to love you this is like real abusive i know it's like creepy as shit it's like you're grooming her it's like oh that's what i that's the other thing i saw too about the epstein's girlfriend they made like a little short documentary on her. They put it up on YouTube.
Epstein's girlfriend's name. Who's Epstein? Stop it.
We did this last time. Oh, fuck.
He's the perv. I know.
What's her name? Ghislaine Maxwell. I don't know much about him.
I know that he had a sex ring. Lolita Express.
Take kids on a plane. Young kids.
Bill Clinton. 26 times.
Whoops!

26 times!

They were like, he never went there.

The pilot log.

26!

How do you say 26 in other languages?

26.

26.

Yeah.

26 times this guy.

What is... Honestly, this is the honest question that I have.

Why do people have sex with kids? is the allure though of kids because you can tell they're kids yeah it's like I was watching this like 90 day it was not 90 day fiance it was like some sort of like marriage show like a married at first sight married at first sight that's what it was i like that one and there was a couple where um the guy was like a black couple and the guy was like yeah she's the girl was a virgin he just it just kind of turned him off you know i get that that she was a virgin yeah yeah he wanted her to have like you wouldn't i've what as an, you want a mature woman that is sexual, right?

Yeah.

Why would you do that to a child?

What is the allure?

Well, they're sick. Is it controlled?

Usually, usually, not to get down on the show, it's really sad, but usually it's because they were sexually abused when they were kids.

Most sexual abusers, yeah, they keep it going.

So most of the time they were either sexually abused themselves or they had... Or they like tight pussy.
I mean... That's it.
You know what I did say though? You know what's so fucking... You know what's insane? When they were pedophiles when we were kids...
Is that why I just said that? No, it's funny. It's gross.
It's terrible. But it's okay.
When they were pedophilesiles when we were kids it almost made me so grossed out and mad because you're like ew dude we're like little nasty weirdo freako kids with like braces and acne and we're dirty and we stinky yeah and then you see kids today and you're like these kids are all trying to be sex stars when they're like 15 it's no wonder that pedophiles are like i didn't know she was 16 it's like yeah because these fucking kids pretend like they're 30 it's the creepiest shit on earth yeah i fucking um uh uh uh i have i have gianni's helping me with a tiktok account and sometimes i'm thumbing through tiktok and i see a girl in there i go, Jesus fucking Christ. Like, titties out, all this shit.
And then it says on their bio, 16. I'm like, why the fuck? Titties out.
These girls on the internet are like 15. They act like they're 40.
You know what I'm talking about. It's fucking crazy.
You look at it, and you're like, this is like pedophile bait. TikTok is like pedo bait.
It's gross.

It's fucking gross.

Dude, if I have a daughter,

she's not on TikTok with her boo-boos out

and her puss-puss showing.

No way.

Oh, if I had a daughter?

Kill it.

No, no, no, no.

Kill it.

No?

Kill it.

She would be in like one of those medieval armor suits.

Yeah, what are they called?

Chastity belts.

No, just a full-blown medieval. Oh, like chain-link armor? Yes.
Like a full-blown Lord of the Rings. I'm fighting orcs.
With a helmet and shit? Yeah. Because no way.
What's your experience? You see that, right? Do you have TikTok and stuff? Do you see young girls that do sexy-ass shit all over it and they're underage? Yeah, even like 11 to 12. It's fucking insane.
Dude, you see it. Where are the parents? They must not give a fuck.
They must not know. 11 and 12 year olds and they're doing like sexy dances and shit in bikinis on the internet.
Yeah. It's fucking crazy.
Imagine the dad walking in when they're doing it. Huh.
Oh, what's going on here? What are you guys doing? Yeah. All right.
Get out. We're making a fucking TikTok.
Yeah. Mark.
You know they call their dads by the first name? That's a new thing. Oh, my God.
Mark. Get out, Mark.
Dude, if I call... You're my daughter.
Okay, yeah. Call me Bobby.
Get out, Bobby. You're...
Get out of the house. If I...
No, I literally... Get out.
If I call my father by his first name, holy shit.

Oh, my God.

He would have been like, what the fuck did you just say?

If I said Robert to my dad?

What the fuck did you just say?

Oh, my God.

I'll be you.

You be your dad.

Ready?

Yeah.

Get out, Robert.

Oh.

What are you saying?

I said, get out of my room, Robert.

I'll be right back.

You're going to come right. Oh, yeah.
Get out. Go away away Then you would hear in the garage You know what I mean Right He'd come back with a wrench I'm kidding you A wrench A golf club Something other metallic right Okay now Lay on your belly Right No I'm not gonna do that Robert You're gonna lay on your belly Right? He would take the fucking golf club stick it around my neck right? Pull me pull me down right? He would take the wrench and he would just twist my ears off of my fucking skull Ah! Yeah Did he ever put a golf club up to you like that? My dad used to fucking take I shouldn't be laughing full blown swings to my stomach With a golf club? Oh yeah yeah.
Holy shit. Fjordal! Fjordal! Yeah! Fjordal! Right? You know, all the wind would come, right? Spit out blood.
Yeah. I mean, fuck you, man.
Would your brother get the same kind of shit? Oh, my God. My brother one time, this is the funniest story.
My brother one time, I ever tell you this story? Uh-huh. Where he had friends spend the night.
No, I don't know this. So his friends spent the night.
My brother was about 12, tell you the story where he had a friend spend the night no i don't know this so his friends spend the night my brother was about 12 right yeah my brother had this casio keyboard right and it was back when they had samplers too oh yeah my brother would go and they would break up the samples and they would giggle right my dad was taking a nap my dad sleeps naked same my dad opens the door right he takes the keyboard right then i come around right to look all you see is keys flying into the air over my brother's head it's so bad right just keys right everyone's crying and then my dad turns around and you know You know, my sleep with toilet paper in his ass what? yes why? because we both we all have a thing leakage? yeah oh yeah you told me about the leakage yeah it's insane so he turned around walked back took a nap your fucking poor brother no your poor brother don't do the fucking sampling sampling stop it. He's just being a kid.
I know, but my point is that this generation of kids now. Fucked.
Oh, no. They're just, you know, they're easy.
Fucked. They're fucked.
Yeah. Yeah.
Calling them by their first name is crazy. Oh, my God.
What do you call your parents? Would you ever call your mom or your dad by their first name? No. No, they would get fucking pissed, huh? Her mom her mom.
That's like foreign discipline shit. Her mom.
What? I love her mom, but What? I can't say it. Okay.
But her mom. What? You know, I've seen her mom go off on her.
What does she call does she call you any mean names or mean words? Um, stupid. Stupid.
Stupid. Does she ever say bitch? Yeah.
You little bitch. Stupid is what they get.
You little bitch. You worthless of f***.
That's what I get. You know what I mean? Just crazy shit.
You little bitch. Yeah.
My dad used to call me a little ass. You're a little fucking asshole.
Did he used to hit you? No i got yeah i got i got hit but not like you got hit yeah i got these i've talked about that thing the back of the head all right i got those a lot i got i got cracked in the back of the head all the time but you know what yeah every time i got cracks in the back of the head and which was a lot there's something about your history though i did it i'm not aware of because i see i know now through your through social media and through i've seen photos of your family yeah i know your parents call you andrew when are you gonna you're gonna come over to the fourth of july and spend the weekend in chicago we miss you honey miss you too right so you have um a really you know americana yeah you too. Right? So you have a really Americana, ridiculous family.
Yeah, they're good people. And you have sisters, correct? One.
You have one sister? You know what I mean? No. No! What? You have one sister, and you have a really nice family with a bunch of love.
A lot of love. A lot of nurturing.
Yeah. Where does this come from now? What? You have this rage and anger and like you express yourself as if you had some sort of like difficult childhood.
Where did that anger come from? My anger comes from – okay. my dad is very short-tempered and my dad is very short tempered and my mom can be a little cold.
So just because you see like we do love each other. We do get along, but we're like any family.
We have all sorts of fucking fucked up shit in our bones. Yeah.
My dad and I fight on a constant fucking basis. We argue a lot.
We have a lot of anger towards each other, differing of opinions of life. Okay? Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And my mom is a hard, tough, loving woman, but tough as fucking name. Dude, if I was, fuck, not throwing up blood, you were going to school.
There was no like, I don't feel good. Those days didn't exist.
My mom was like, too fucking bad. fuck go fucking go now that's the toughness well it's just very like that was that's their attitude of life was like too fucking bad yeah oh you don't have that so what grow up yeah yeah that they were they love but it's i i tough love was kind of a theme of my house too Too fucking bad.
Oh, you want,

oh, shouldn't it be better for you?

Now, if you have a child,

would you?

My mom used to grab me by the arm.

Yeah.

If we were out in public

and we were being brats

or just whatever,

if someone was disabled

or had like a limb missing

or something,

she would grab me by the arm

and she'd point at them

and she'd go,

don't you ever fucking complain again.

Do you understand me? Do you see what these people have to live through? thought you were gonna say beat the shit out of that person you can take them she'd go go attack that handicapped boy yeah no but she would go you shut your fuck whenever you complain you little brat usually if i'm complaining or if i'm being a brat you know when i was a little kid and she would go don't you ever complain again because he has to live like that yeah you lucky little spoiled brat it was like she she was very that kind of stuff was embedded in my brain don't you ever complain there's kids out there that don't have that don't have half of what you have yeah so you shut up it was very much that you know which is healthy in many ways though you know i liked my dad because he dealt with things differently than what like american parents would do like for instance like hit you with a golf club no there's this kid guy kid that um punched me in the face yeah and i came home and my dad came home early from school i mean from work and i came home and had like a bloody nose and when you know if you're a parent and you see your child like that what do you do you probably call the parents well the first move is you make sure they're okay yeah yeah but then you would probably call the other parents your son hit my son in the face your son hit my son don't let that happen again and what not my dad didn't do that so he saw my bloody nose and he goes what happened I go this kid he punched me. Okay.
Get in the car.

So I'm like, oh, we're going to the hospital.

Right?

And he goes, I go, we're going to the hospital?

I'm okay.

And he goes, no.

We're going to find him.

Right?

So then I was like excited.

Like, he's going to scare the shit.

But then my dad picked up a hammer in the garage.

And then it slowly turned into, we we drove around the block yeah for two hours trying to find him yeah art that's his name art we're trying to find art luckily i was praying that we didn't yeah because you were gonna kill he would have died yeah but then in my head i'm like oh that's cool that my dad's like that. That's very cool.
Yeah. That is very cool.
Like old boy. Yeah.
My grandfather, my uncle, my uncle got punched. He got fucked up.
Okay. He got knocked out.
He got knocked the fuck up. And he came home.
And I don't remember what family member told me this story, but they were laughing so hard. And he's the youngest, one of the youngest, the youngest and uh he walks up to my grandfather and he's on the porch smoking yeah and he's reading yeah he's reading the paper and and my uncle comes up and he's all fucked up and you know whatever and my and my grandpa goes what happened and and and my uncle's trying to explain it and he's going oh i don't know and you know he's trying to tell the story or whatever.
And he goes, come here. And he grabs my uncle, and he looks at his face.
He goes, ah, looks like you bobbed when you should have weaved. What the fuck is happening? What does that mean? Bobbing and weaving.
Oh, yeah, yeah. Wow.
Yeah, he's like, ah, looks like you bobbed when you should have weaved. Go inside.
Put some steak on it. That's great.
Yeah. Take the hit.
Learn how to take the hit. But, you know, when you raise your kid, though, when you have a child, I believe you're going to have one soon.

Okay.

Okay.

The oracle.

The oracle.

Are you going to – what kind of parent are you going to be?

Mean.

Aggressive.

Are you going to be the same as your parents were?

I don't know.

Ask my babysitter.

She's right there.

I'm hiring you as my full-time babysitter, and you're going to be a live-in nanny.

I'm not good with kids.

That's why I want you. She doesn't like kids.

That's why I want you, Rudy.

Yeah, yeah.

You think I want someone

that's like,

oh, hi, little baby.

No, I want you to leave

the kids' places.

I want you to neglect it.

But will you ever

discipline your kids

through hitting?

You know,

I don't want to put

anything on tape.

No, I think I will

definitely spank and all that stuff. Yeah.
Yeah. I don't want to physically hurt the kid you know my parents never wanted to physically hurt me either I mean sometimes getting smacked in the fucking head hurt bad yeah or getting jerked around by your arm I just don't want my kids to have fear of me well you well I do I do I think you should be scared of your parents no not I not like...
I think you should love them. Not like your fear.

Yours is like torture.

Yeah, yeah.

My fear was, fuck, I'm in trouble.

Like, he's gonna...

Oh, that's gonna happen.

Well, that's the fear that you want to instill.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Then they can't go around calling you Bobby.

Oh, yeah, that's gonna happen.

Whatever, Bobby!

Oh, my God.

The first time my kid calls me by my full name,

teeth out.

He's losing teeth.

And he's gonna stay like that

until he can afford to pay for new teeth.

Yeah.

I think now that you say that, I think when you're having a child, I think you pre-plan

in your head.

What you're going to do.

How you're going to do it.

And maybe that's why I saw some of the reaction of my parents, that they maybe made a deal

with themselves, that they were not going to cross certain boundaries. Right.
So maybe that's what some of that was. I imagine.
Yeah. But everything changes.
Every friend I know that has kids is like, oh, you think one thing and then it's totally different. Yeah, because D'Elia has been texting me a lot.
He's been sending me photos of his baby. Yeah.
And stuff. Yeah.
And he's saying, look how cute. And I go.
It's so weird that it has like three arms. Do you know? It's like there's another arm that comes out of its shoulder.
That's his dick. Oh, my God.
That's a big dick. They put it around its shoulder? It's D'Elia, bro.
It's D'Elia, bro. Whoa.
Yeah, dude. But it must be a D'Elia, dude.
I saw the baby's dick. And I said to him, I'll read you the text.
Yeah. I'll read you the text.
I go, what do you say? I would go, what do you say? What do you say? Where is D'Elia? That you only met well. Game cook, shop.
Chris D'Elia. I go.
He goes, bro, have kids. I go, is it worth it? He goes, it's everything.
Yeah. And it made me teary.
Yeah. Yeah.
Because it gives you a new lease on life. Do you want a new lease on life? No, no, no.
You want a new lease on life, Bobby? I do. I do.
Family. You gotta have a fucking family.
Santino's got some ginger kids How about some fucking baby Bobby Lee's Family Get a fucking family A bad friend

Thank you for being a bad friend family Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah.