I Want To Be Ninja Returns!

Speaker 1 You two are bad friends.

Speaker 2 You are these two idiots.

Speaker 2 White dude and an Asian dude.

Speaker 2 You two are disgusting.

Speaker 1 Bad friends.

Speaker 2 All of my love.

Speaker 2 All of my love to you.

Speaker 2 Not that part.

Speaker 2 Not that part. What do we talk about? I don't even know, but we're here.
Do you have an agenda in mind? Did you run out of gas?

Speaker 2 I didn't fuck. These fucking little ladies.
Hold on. Be nice.
These little ladies in the house. What happened? You guys, you guys.

Speaker 2 No, over the last couple of weeks,

Speaker 2 Papa's been, I haven't been driving. So we have one car in the house.

Speaker 2 I give them the key. I go, go ahead.

Speaker 2 Go to the thing. Go ahead.
Yeah, the beach, whatever you want to do. Go be free.
Be free. But put the fucking gas in the car.

Speaker 2 put gas back in the car rude because i get in the car and it blink blink blink it blinks i panic do you guys not know how to put gas you know how to put gas in the car

Speaker 2 no they don't know how to do it oh they don't know how to do it so what are you gonna do they don't know how to do it learn mate i don't know learn

Speaker 2 learn to do it you know hi poo-poo how's poo-poo turn the cameras on they're on oh you're ready are you i oh you're angry that we're late no i'm not angry you're late

Speaker 2 well you know i don't like deception

Speaker 2 This is what I don't like. Wait, that was deceiving? No, I'll tell you what's deceiving.
Huh?

Speaker 2 Hey, Bob. Yeah, Andrew.
Hold up. That's me.
Sorry.

Speaker 2 Tell the people it's me. Hey, hey, Bub.
Hey, Bub. Hey, Bub.
Hey, yeah, Andrew.

Speaker 2 Can we do Saturday?

Speaker 2 Then I have to call all my people, my assistant, and I have to call. I don't have one, but I have to call.
You didn't have to do anything different? No, I'm telling you what I had to do. Okay.

Speaker 2 Call my agent, everyone. Didn't have to do that.
Talk to your agent, by the way.

Speaker 2 My manager. They're dropping you.
They're all dropping you. That's fine.
And we're all together at conference call, Zoom, everything.

Speaker 2 All right, let's get back. What are we doing here? Saturday, so drop Friday.
Switch things around. Yeah, move everything around because you're a busy boy.

Speaker 2 Just don't lie. I have a wedding to go to.
No, I said let's do this. Who's getting married? My friend Sean.

Speaker 2 Oh, Sean.

Speaker 2 Yeah, you know Sean. He's important.

Speaker 2 Sean, who?

Speaker 2 I'm not saying his last name on the page. Is he a comedian? No.
Is he important?

Speaker 2 To me? Yeah. Yeah.
But to me. No.

Speaker 2 He's a good guy.

Speaker 2 He's getting married. But that's why we hit a switch.
I was like, we can do Saturday. Let's do Saturday.
Where's the wedding at? Here, dude. It's at his

Speaker 2 family's house. You can't do it.
You can't go anywhere. I feel so bad.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 I feel so bad. But I also asked, it's a backyard wedding.
It's going to be like a quick wedding.

Speaker 2 Do people still bring rice? Do you bring, you know how they bring rice and you throw it in the air? It's good luck, right?

Speaker 2 Why are you looking at me like that?

Speaker 2 Why are you looking at me like that?

Speaker 2 We eat it. No, don't people bring rice to weddings? I'm Asian.
And you throw it in the air. You don't waste one rice.
Well, when it goes up the air, do you go, ah,

Speaker 2 and you just catch it? No, no, no, no.

Speaker 2 We don't throw rice. So you don't waste it, huh?

Speaker 2 You don't ever waste rice? No. There's no pizza.

Speaker 2 Yeah. There's so much rice.
It's like me throwing pizzas

Speaker 2 at a wedding. Really? Yeah.

Speaker 2 Uncooked rice. Or you're Italian.
Pasta. Yeah, that would be dope.

Speaker 2 Spaghetti, dry space. Spaghetti.
Yeah. Yeah.
A spaghetti wedding. We don't throw rice, right, Jules? I didn't say we.
I mean, humans.

Speaker 2 Humans still throw rice for weddings.

Speaker 2 You know what it's for, right?

Speaker 2 You know why you do that? Do you know what traditionally what that's for? Why? It's to cleanse the bride and the groom.

Speaker 2 You know that? I always thought it was like, fuck Asians. It is.

Speaker 2 I was trying to be nice. Yeah, yeah.
No, it really isn't. It isn't.
Yeah. It's to cleanse the air.
No, no, no. No, it's because we're anti-Asian.
That's what it was. Yeah.

Speaker 2 No, but I'm going going to go. Yeah, I'm going to go to a wedding.
I'm sorry. We had to move the date.
Thank you, Rudy, for being so malleably. I know you guys have a lot going on.

Speaker 2 I love when people send me videos of like

Speaker 2 Asian kids getting bullied by,

Speaker 2 like, somebody sent me a video of black kids bullying Asian kids.

Speaker 2 Where? Here? I don't know where. I don't, they don't, you know, but they sent, no, people said, well, look, look, look at this.
And so there's a bunch of like the pit. Yeah.

Speaker 2 The Asians against African Americans. It's like.
But everybody bullies Asians.

Speaker 2 That's what I'm saying. Yeah.
Yeah. You're kind of like.
Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 2 And also, too, you know, there is no problem.

Speaker 2 With bullying Asians? No, there's no. People are trying to incite this, like, you know, well, blacks and Asians, they don't get along.
You know, there is no. We do get along.
Yeah. I haven't really,

Speaker 2 I've never heard that people say black and Asian don't get along. Well, during the riots and stuff, in fact, the last one, you know,

Speaker 2 what? They didn't get along then. They didn't get along then.
Well, but that was a different. There was a different time.
Times have changed. 92 um times have changed but i'm i

Speaker 2 stop sending me that people it's not gonna it's you're not gonna you're not gonna sway me one way or another uh-huh you know no i agree yeah that's yeah i don't know why they're sending it to you in the first place well i don't know what they're trying to do what they're trying to get me like get you all riled up no no also just to get me on the other side of this position of what's going on in the country what side do you think what do you what side they want you to be on

Speaker 2 to get me like

Speaker 2 i don't know. To get me, like, not to like black people or something.
I don't know. What did you think of the last episode we did?

Speaker 2 Of our show here?

Speaker 2 No, Friends, the final episode. Loved it.
I loved it. I thought Friends ended so well.
People got mad about it.

Speaker 2 I finally finished Normal People. Yeah.
Yeah. Did you like it? God, dude, I got to tell you.
Good? Here's what it is. The writing is so good.
When

Speaker 2 she gets into a fight, when...

Speaker 2 Don't tell me because I'm going to watch it it now. Okay, but I'm just going to say, like, when she gets in an argument with a guy that she's dating, Marianne, she gets in an argument,

Speaker 2 they both talk like I've spoken before. Are you a man? Both people talk like I've gone, oh my God, I've said shit like that because you know how you really feel and you're not saying it.

Speaker 2 And then the girl said stuff like that to me. It's very real.
Are you a man? Right?

Speaker 2 It's so real the way that they say it.

Speaker 2 Are you a man? Am I a man? Yeah.

Speaker 2 This month? Watch man shit. What's man shit? Is that a show? New?

Speaker 2 A new show? No. On spike TV.
Man shit. You want to see men poop for 48 days straight? We got you.
Welcome back to Spike TV with your host, Bubba Bubba Bobby Lee.

Speaker 2 Take it away. Now host the show.

Speaker 2 Hi, Bubba Lee. Welcome back to Man Shit.
Want to watch Man Poop? Okay, here they go.

Speaker 2 Hey, what's up, Bub? I'm 46. I'm an app designer.
You watch The Kardashians, too, my friend?

Speaker 2 Do I watch The Kardashians? Yeah.

Speaker 2 This is scripted television that we like. It's good script, well-acted television.

Speaker 2 What do you watch? Man up. What the fuck do you watch, Bob? Man shit.
Like, Naked and Afraid. Because you like seeing the dicks.
You want to catch an unblurred dick.

Speaker 2 That's what you're looking for the whole time. No, I just wanted to see if the editor fucked up.
I watch Naked and Afraid. I watch XL.
Oh, I like the XL as well. I love XL.
Yeah. Naked and Afraid.

Speaker 2 Would you ever do it? Dude, if they offered you and I to do Naked and Afraid together, would you do it with me? It would be a three-minute episode. Why? We'd go out there and we'd go, let's go.

Speaker 2 There's no way we'd be able to do it. I could last.
You would not be able to last 21 days. I swear to God, I would last way longer than you.

Speaker 2 I would rather die.

Speaker 2 I'd rather die out there than have you beat me. Dude, I would beat you so fucking fast.
You would have none of your vices. No video games, no cigarettes.

Speaker 2 Bro, you wouldn't have legs, bro. I would eat them.
I'm an athlete. It doesn't matter.
Yeah, I would run right away from you. You fucking roly-poly.
You could never catch me.

Speaker 2 I would research the poisons that they have there. Okay.
You'd be like, hey, are you going fishing? Yeah, I'm going fishing, Andrew. But

Speaker 2 I'm going out and getting leave. You think I would think you're going to go fishing? You would make me make the hut.
Yeah. Okay.
I'd build the hut and you just sleep all through the house.

Speaker 2 No, I wouldn't. I would try to find poisons and I would grind it up behind a tree, right? And then I would knock you out.
No, you wouldn't. Yeah, and then you would have no legs the next day.

Speaker 2 I would eat them. Where would you research where to find poison? Goo, goo.

Speaker 2 Rudy, what do you think would happen if we did Naked and Afraid together? If me and Tito Bob did Naked and Afraid, would we both get kicked out early? You think we'd bail early?

Speaker 2 I think Tito Bobby will

Speaker 1 be the first one.

Speaker 2 To leave?

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 And then what would happen to me? Would I finish 21 days or no?

Speaker 2 Get closer to the mic. I think

Speaker 2 you would last long, but we won't finish. I won't finish.

Speaker 2 So let me just get this straight, Juliana. Juliana.

Speaker 2 Let me get this straight.

Speaker 2 You think that Tito Bobby would

Speaker 2 leave earlier than Tito Andrew?

Speaker 2 You threw that out there. Okay, good.

Speaker 2 And I just absorbed that information, right? And it's now in a file inside my head. And I'm going to use that against you.

Speaker 2 All right? You're being ungrateful. Dude,

Speaker 2 you have so much against her already.

Speaker 2 What people don't realize about about me is that,

Speaker 2 yes, you're more physically

Speaker 2 able than I am. Fact.

Speaker 2 Right? Yeah. You're more physically able than I am.
Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.
And then

Speaker 2 you probably have, I'll admit, you have probably have more survival skills than Papa. Yeah.
Right. But what you don't realize is...
Have you ever camped? Have you ever camped once?

Speaker 2 One time I did when I was a kid. Where did you go? I don't know where.
It was somewhere like in Yosemite or something, but like not in Yosemite. It was like a town near it.
Near it. Right.

Speaker 2 And then I remember my cousin Andy and I woke up in the tent like at 5:30 in the morning and we looked out and my

Speaker 2 uncle and my dad's tent gone.

Speaker 2 What do you mean they packed up already?

Speaker 2 Gone.

Speaker 2 And so now me and Andy, we're like, what? 11, 10, 9, 10. Yes.
We're scared. Yeah.
Andy, the bears got them.

Speaker 2 And around 9 a.m., we're just shivering in this tent. We wouldn't leave.
Scared. We see my dad's car roll up.
They slept in a hotel.

Speaker 2 So they made you go,

Speaker 2 you have fun?

Speaker 2 And we're like, who were you? Oh, no, the holiday inn, we slept. It's too cold.

Speaker 2 It was too cold. We were hungry.
That's good. They made you men.
Yeah, no. And turned you into little men.
And I go, I hate camping. That was it.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 Will you camp with me?

Speaker 2 I swear to God, you'll love it. I would camp with you if it was vlogged or if we filmed it.
We'll shoot it. It'll be so fun.
You'll love camping. But I don't want to waste the camping with you.

Speaker 2 I need to be filmed. Have you ever pooped outside? I poop outside now.
Huh. Yeah.
You have so

Speaker 2 what? Have you ever pooped outside? I poop outside now.

Speaker 2 I pooed. I'll tell you where I pooed last.

Speaker 2 That's outside my house. Yeah.
In the back seat of my Prius.

Speaker 2 Stop it. In the car you still own? Not even in a bag.
All over the seats. Who's cleaned it? Did you clean it? No, yeah, Khalilically cleaned it.
Why did you do that? What do you mean? Why?

Speaker 2 I had to go.

Speaker 2 Get out.

Speaker 2 No, I love that movie.

Speaker 2 You pooped in the car? I was on, where was I? I was on the 101. Mm-hmm.
It was trafficky. Trafficky, you're right.
Is that a word? Yeah. A lot of traffic.
Trafficky sounds more fun.

Speaker 2 Yeah, it's just trafficky. It was trafficky.
And I have what I call

Speaker 2 irritable bowel syndrome. No, I don't have that.
Right? I have

Speaker 2 I Gotta Go Now syndrome. It sounds like you

Speaker 2 I gotta go now syndrome. I think that's the same thing.
Yeah, I don't know. Yeah.
But that's what I have. Are your bowels irritable? No.
Do they get upset easily? But it comes on sudden, like

Speaker 2 at 9-11. That's IBS.
It is? That's what irritable bowel is. You're on 9-11, like you woke up.
What's going on? Yeah. That's you.
Yeah, that's me.

Speaker 2 Except your pants are the buildings and shit. So I'm on the 101, and

Speaker 2 it's traffic. And I'm just listening.
Who was I listening to? I was listening to something good.

Speaker 2 You were listening to

Speaker 2 Pat Benatar. Yes.

Speaker 2 And I'm listening to Pat Benatar.

Speaker 2 And

Speaker 2 all of a sudden, oh, I'm going to shit in the next 12 seconds. Your body just goes, yo, hey, it wakes up.
And so I'm now trying to. Get off the 101.
I get off the 101. Okay.
But now

Speaker 2 the hole. You're dilating.
My star, my brown star, right?

Speaker 2 There's not a turtle head sticking out, right?

Speaker 2 Not a turtle head. No.
But sheer water.

Speaker 2 Acidy water.

Speaker 2 Yeah. It's bubbling out.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 Yeah. Yeah.
It's a bunch of erupt.

Speaker 2 Yeah. It's like the Hawaiian Islands before they over the whole.
issue. It's a big one.
Yeah, it's my St. Helens.

Speaker 2 It's waiting. So I go, oh, I got to just pull over right now.
I pull over right now. I just stick my ass right

Speaker 2 from the driver's side, right? Sit on it. I pull down my pants and I just spray.
All over the backseat? Into the back seat.

Speaker 2 Can you name some people that have ridden in the backseat of your car into the microphone right now? Just name off some people that you've driven around. Whitney Cummings.
Whitney Cummings.

Speaker 2 Crystal Leo. Crystal Leo.

Speaker 2 Has been in the backseat of your car.

Speaker 2 And then

Speaker 2 people are driving by. Yeah.
You know what I mean? And I'm like looking. Is anybody honking? Is anyone like, does anybody know? No, because I did a clever thing.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 And I parked in back of one of those gigantic garbage

Speaker 2 things.

Speaker 2 I don't know. They had a restaurant in the back.
Oh, in the back of the bed. Oh, the deck.
There was one on the side of the road.

Speaker 2 And there was a construction thing going on, so there's a gigantic. You didn't just want to get out of the car and poop right next to one of the bins? I couldn't even do that.

Speaker 2 You couldn't have got it. It was like, no, I can't get out.
I'm doing it.

Speaker 2 Yeah. It was an emergency.
And then I pooed one time. I had

Speaker 2 Korean barbecue with my girlfriend. We did it.

Speaker 2 We did one on 6th Street. I want to say the place's name, but it's popular because it's cheaper and it's all you can eat.
6th Street in Santa Monica? No, 6th Street in Korea Town.

Speaker 2 Oh, Koreatown, downtown. And as soon as we got out of there, we're driving down Western.
Bubbleguts. I pull over off of one of the streets in Western.

Speaker 2 I ran to a man's house and Kalila's like, What are you doing?

Speaker 2 And I sprayed on the side of his house.

Speaker 2 Shit.

Speaker 2 What do you?

Speaker 2 Kalila's screaming at me. What are you doing? What do you wipe with? Nothing.
You get pants up? Nature's breeze. The air.
Yeah, nature's breeze. Pants up, keep it moving.
Yeah. Damn, body.

Speaker 2 So I have like those 101. Luckily, I've been quarantined and when I have those episodes, you're right to the bathroom.
I have three bathrooms. I got to tell you something, dude.
As your friend. Yeah.

Speaker 2 and your therapist? No, you're not.

Speaker 2 Go ahead. You have IBS.
I don't. That's irritable bowel syndrome.
I have to go now syndrome.

Speaker 2 That's what it's called. That's what it used to be called.
Yeah. But they want, out of respect, they wanted to change it a little bit.
Rude, have you ever pooped your pants? Yeah.

Speaker 2 Oh, my God, so common. Yeah.
And you've never pooped your pants. One time in Japan.
One time in Japan. There we go.
One time in Japan. I didn't technically poop my pants, but a little and a little

Speaker 2 came out. Yeah.
And I had to run into a little convenience mart. Yeah.
And in Japan, was, it was, I mean, I'm not kidding. Yeah.
I'm not exaggerating. Yeah.
Two feet by two feet was the bathroom.

Speaker 2 Have you ever seen these? Like, it's, it's just,

Speaker 2 yeah. Oh, God.
Two feet by two feet. I had to shimmy off my pants and shim and underwear and everything as my back is like touching the wall.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 And I have to, you know, like throw the poop underwear in the garbage bin. And as I did it, I missed.
Just poop everywhere. Poop all over the place.

Speaker 2 I mean, it was, dude, it was, it was a 20-minute nightmare. Yeah.
It was, it, it was the most, you know, what's so funny about those? It's embarrassing, but for no reason. No one knew.

Speaker 2 I was the only one that knew. When you pooped yourself, do people know, or did just you know? Me.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 But you got embarrassed, right? We're embarrassed. When we do it, it's like some, nobody knows unless you tell people.
Yeah. What happened? When did you do it?

Speaker 2 In my school. Not this school.
In the Philippines. In the middle of class? Yeah.
Well, because they wouldn't let you go to the bathroom? Yeah.

Speaker 2 You mean. Wait, wait, wait.
Something. Yeah.
You shit your pants and you sat there the whole time?

Speaker 2 Kid loves algebra.

Speaker 2 Were you able to absorb any information after you did that? Yeah. Wait a minute.
How much longer do you think you sat?

Speaker 2 Like 20 minutes. Oh, that's so long.
That's hell on. That's so long.
20 minutes is like 20 hours. Yeah.
So you asked the teacher, can I go to the bathroom? And the teacher said, no.

Speaker 2 Yeah, she said, no, just wait. It's so funny.

Speaker 2 Could you have said, wait, I just shit my pants?

Speaker 2 Teacher, wait, I just did it. I just shit my pants.
But she's so quiet that I believe that she wouldn't say anything. 100%.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 You would ask one time politely, and when they say no, you wouldn't stand up for yourself and go, lady, I'm going to shit myself if you don't let me out of here. What class was it? Do you remember?

Speaker 2 History. Yeah, well, those pants were history, too.
Yeah. Did anybody smell it? No.
No one said anything. Yeah.
I think they smelled it, but they didn't say anything.

Speaker 2 Oh,

Speaker 2 It's so nice. That was so nice.
That was nice. It couldn't happen here.
You know, my grandparents, you know,

Speaker 2 my mother grew up in the same house that my great-great-great-grandfather, they lived in the same house. It's like five generations of houses.
Five generations. Yeah, like since the early 1800s.

Speaker 2 Where is it now?

Speaker 2 It's gone.

Speaker 2 And I remember it. It was like this.
You know, the walls are made out of rice paper. Mm-hmm.
An ancient Korean-looking house.

Speaker 2 And I remember as like a 12-year-old kid kid going to that house because we used to sleep there in my grandfather's room. Right.
Just a hard wooden dark floor. Would you sleep on the floor?

Speaker 2 Yeah, you have these mats. Yeah, like little things, like yoga mats.
Everyone sleeps together, right?

Speaker 2 And I remember I had to take a shit as a kid, right? And they go, okay, cool. I went out there, and you know, in Korea back then, it's a hole in the ground.

Speaker 2 Sure, a lot of places still hole in the ground. So when you look, it's a gigantic hole, and you could actually look down there, and it's like

Speaker 2 there's no sewage system, right? No, right? So

Speaker 2 I remember thinking, my great, great, great-grandfather's shit is deep in there.

Speaker 2 Like generations of my grandmother's urine. That's incredible.
Shit is in there. Great, great-grandpa's poo-poo.
Yeah, yeah, is in the same place. Imagine that, though.
That's cool.

Speaker 2 That's cool thinking. That is really cool.
Ancestry.com. That's all you need to know.
Yeah, that's all you need to know. It's going to have a poo-hole, baby.

Speaker 2 So,

Speaker 2 but thank God we have a different

Speaker 2 system here. We have toilets here.
Yeah, thank God. Did you have you ever been to Central America? I have, yeah.
Costa Rica, a lot of times the pipes can't handle it.

Speaker 2 So you have to, toilet paper can't go in the toilet. You got to put it in the bin.
Oh.

Speaker 2 Trash bed.

Speaker 2 That's people do it. Some people do it here.

Speaker 2 I'm blown away. Yeah.

Speaker 2 You do? Yeah. Why?

Speaker 2 Because

Speaker 2 I clog up up the toilet a lot. You clog the pipes.
Yes, you do.

Speaker 2 I don't have girthy Eric Griffin shit. No, it's just yours.
I feel like yours are snakey. They're long.

Speaker 2 Yeah, yeah. Okay, so yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
So, yeah,

Speaker 2 yeah, that's true. I've had very, very thin.

Speaker 2 Very thin and long, yeah. They look like spaghetti.

Speaker 2 But I just equate that my butthole's tight. That's a good thing to have.
Yeah, and also,

Speaker 2 I have two holes. You You have a penis hole.
No, I have two buttholes.

Speaker 2 You have two buttholes?

Speaker 2 It was a birth defect. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Are you being serious right now? No. I know.

Speaker 2 Yeah, I always thought to myself that, God,

Speaker 2 that'd be cool if God would have kind of rearranged our systems. What would you want? The asshole at the bottom of the foot.

Speaker 2 Because it's super far away from you? No, you could have shoes. Right, so I would just imagine.
Oh, poo shoes. No, there's a shoe that opens up.
The bottom, yeah. Right.

Speaker 2 And you could still be out in the street talking to your friend. You stick your foot inside a street toilet.
Yeah, street hole. It's a little hole.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 And you just, yeah, Jim, yeah, I'm going to work. I'm just taking a shit right now.
But yeah, Francisca got just pregnant. Congratulations.

Speaker 2 Or whatever. And then there's those conversations.
You'd talk right through it. Yeah.
It'd go more like this. If I'm pooping, I'd logged.
I clicked clicked. I clacked in.
I'm like, hey, Bob.

Speaker 2 What's up?

Speaker 2 You know, so at 12:30, I think I have to meet.

Speaker 2 I have to meet those guys up in the room.

Speaker 2 It would still feel good. Yeah, it would feel good.
Yeah, it would feel good. And as a citizen, knowing what you're doing, right, I would like to go, let's do that again, right?

Speaker 2 So what do you have to do at 1230? Well, I'm going to have to go to the third floor because I think Micah has some paper. And I would look away.

Speaker 2 Do you see how I just looked away? That was so good time. I'd look away the time.
And then I'd go. And I'd go back because I don't want to take away from your experience.
Right. That's so respectful.

Speaker 2 That's so respectful. I know the do you fart out of your foot still?

Speaker 2 What are you going to fart out of your eyeball? No.

Speaker 2 Funny.

Speaker 2 What if it was out of your nose? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. That would be funny.
What if your nose was like,

Speaker 2 excuse me?

Speaker 2 Do you piss out of your right foot?

Speaker 2 Do you still have, do you sell pee out of your pee-pee? Maybe your right foot pee is. See, I think, yeah.
And your pee-pee should just be used for reproductive services. It's just a fuck thing.

Speaker 2 It's just come, only come. Only come.

Speaker 2 Only come. That's it.
That's all it should be. You can't do it and maybe beer.
Yeah. Or whatever your beverage of your choice.
Yeah, you could come. Yeah.
One sack has come,

Speaker 2 and then you can refill the other sack with a beverage of your choice. Yeah.
Or your partner's choice. And you can change the temperature of it, too.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 Like if Mike Kalila likes a little Chardonnay. Yeah.
You know what I mean? Or

Speaker 2 no wire. You should just put that in there.
You know what I mean? If we're like Burke Kreiser, you know what I mean? You would put beer.

Speaker 2 Vodka. Yeah.
If you could read it. And he would suck your dick.
If you could read his zone.

Speaker 2 Don't spread rumors.

Speaker 2 I was kidding.

Speaker 2 You want to talk about it? No. There's a big rumor going around.
I don't even know about those rumors. Burt Kreisher.
No, no, no. That's not who I talk about.
All right. I love him.
Hey,

Speaker 2 if you, honestly, I thought about this the other day. If someone was like, hey, one thing, you get to choose one thing to change about your physical appearance.
That's it.

Speaker 2 It can't manipulate other things. You can't go this.
And also, but this with it. But

Speaker 2 this is such a vague thing, though.

Speaker 2 One thing you got to change. What is it?

Speaker 2 Rudy, what is it for you? What would be the one thing you would change physically about yourself?

Speaker 2 Or do you love yourself wholly and you wouldn't change anything? No, I think my nose. Your nose? What's wrong with your nose? I want it thinner.
Oh, stop that. Shut up.
You got a nice nose.

Speaker 2 Yeah, it's shut the fuck up. No, that's see.
That's not. That's the watching anime and her Korea dramas.

Speaker 2 That is because they don't have noses. They have little, but they all get operations.
But I know, I've seen the cartoons, they draw them so tiny and thin. Why do they do that?

Speaker 2 Is it because Japanese noses tend to be thinner?

Speaker 2 Or also, what boggles my mind is Japanese animators make the eyes so wide.

Speaker 2 Like, yeah, they they're always yeah, like, yeah, and they have little gooky eyes. You know what I mean? They're drawing it, and I guess they're like, I don't like mine.
I want to like this.

Speaker 2 You know what I mean? And they make a big circle, right? It's rebellion. It's rebellion.
Because they're mad. And then the digs, I want to like this.

Speaker 2 And they draw the digs big. Why does it always blur? Why can't they show insertion in anime porn?

Speaker 2 Or in real Japanese porn. You can't show it going on.
You don't watch that.

Speaker 2 You've never heard of it. You've heard it.
You don't know about this?

Speaker 2 I know what blur.

Speaker 2 So why is it blurred? I saw a Japanese anime porn once that wasn't blurred. So you're getting like the PG.
You're probably watching it at your hotel room. Remember back in the day when you would go.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 You weren't on the road back then. No, I wasn't.
No. But back in the day, like in the 90s, you would go on the road and go to a hotel

Speaker 2 and

Speaker 2 all the porn would be like blurred or. Oh, well, I remember scrambled porn.
I love scrambled porn. Oh, where you would

Speaker 2 be to a titty.

Speaker 2 Do you ever rent movies in hotels? Did you ever rent dirty movies? I still do. Why? Oh, no, not since the internet.
Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 2 I have my iPad, yeah. But you have before.

Speaker 2 Yeah. Often? Dirty movies? Every time I was on the road.
Never paid for them. Never thought.

Speaker 2 Just the idea. Why? I do sometimes.
Oh, VR. I did the VR.
Do you have it? Oh, yeah. I want it.
I have an Oculus. Well, can I get one? Can I have it?

Speaker 2 Is it really? Oh, my God. It's like.
I have a friend that has one. He said it's changed.
Yeah, so he's what's. I had to stop.

Speaker 2 I gave my brother one. He had to stop.
Because it was just

Speaker 2 too much. I'm addicted.

Speaker 2 Yeah, because what they have now is, you know, you put it on. And then they have the man's legs sticking, so you can position your body.

Speaker 2 Like they're your legs?

Speaker 2 They're your legs, right? And then a girl will just walk in and go, hey. Look at Rudy's face.
Oh, yeah, yeah. We're not going to go into detail.

Speaker 2 We're not going to go into detail.

Speaker 2 But your legs are sticking out. Yeah.

Speaker 2 And some girl walks in and goes, hey. And then you, for some reason, go, what's up?

Speaker 2 Because you're there. You start talking.

Speaker 2 What's up? Nothing. Yeah.

Speaker 2 And then she starts taking off your clothes and you go, I will say, where's Kalila?

Speaker 2 You know what I mean? It's uncomfortable. Dude, wait, wait a minute.
Is there choose your own adventure? Yeah, there are just different scenarios. But you can pick as you go along.

Speaker 2 No, not at the time. That's what they need.
Oh, they will. They need to go, here's what I want next.
But then they'll do a thing where the girl will walk up to you and then

Speaker 2 her head will come and whisper stuff in your ear. Oh, that's so creepy.
Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 And then you're like,

Speaker 2 what is it? You know what I mean?

Speaker 2 You know, the children's brothers are breaking up. What's going on?

Speaker 2 You don't know what the information is. And you can just hear it in this side.
Yeah, yeah. And it's like, hi, sweetie.
Oh, that sucks.

Speaker 2 And already you're the common. Oh, sorry.
Already

Speaker 2 the penal

Speaker 2 cavity. The plants, right? And the sperm.
Secretions. And the secretions.
Sperm's secretions, right?

Speaker 2 On the top. Bubbling up.
Bubbling.

Speaker 2 Just like the Hawaiian Islands. How much does this cost? Free.
Pornhog.

Speaker 2 But

Speaker 2 the oculus, I mean. Oh, the oculus is probably $300, $400.
That's it. But they sold out.

Speaker 2 I got it right when the pandemic was starting.

Speaker 2 So I bought two. I got one for my brother.

Speaker 2 The games are fun, too, as well.

Speaker 2 The games are fun, too, as well. Have you done the plank?

Speaker 2 Also, you know what I got to do? I got to bring my Oculus here and play the games. There's this thing called the Richie's Plank.
It's basically you go in an elevator, right? You press the button.

Speaker 2 Oh, I've seen this. Yeah, and you go out on a plank and you jump off.
Yeah, and people like fall into shit. I mean, we have videos of her doing it, screaming.
It's It's pretty scary. I want to do it.

Speaker 2 Yeah, yeah, you'll love to do it. Wait, they have a bunch of different scenarios where you get into it.
I have a bar fight. I have a bar fight one where you have the sticks, right?

Speaker 2 You walk into a bar. You get into a fight? Yeah, and a guy's like, what are you doing here? Right? And you go, what's that?

Speaker 2 Right? And then you throw a bottle at him. And he comes up.
You start beating people up. But then eventually, like, bigger people come in.

Speaker 2 Is it kind of scary? Oh, it's pretty fun.

Speaker 2 When you start swinging, your life depends on it. But here's what I'm saying.
Is the scenario the same every time? What do you mean?

Speaker 2 What's the story and scenarios with you? When you do it once, you can't do it again, right? Because then you've seen it before. Or the porn?

Speaker 2 No, no, no, the bar fights, stuff like that. Like once you're fighting.

Speaker 2 Like, you go and there's a Western bar. You just keep going into bars and you get into different fights.
Yeah, it's just a bar. It's a bar fights.
Yeah, yeah. There's different kinds of bars.

Speaker 2 I'm thinking about it from a production standpoint: how many bars they had to film this fake fight scene? No,

Speaker 2 it's more video gamey.

Speaker 2 Yeah, yeah, it's animated. No real people? It's not real.
Okay. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 I love the idea of real dudes being like, what's up? And having to swing at a cameraman. And then you have like a friend that's like an actor friend that's not doing well.
Who's in it? Who's in it?

Speaker 2 Oh, there they go. There's Tom.

Speaker 2 See, I would fucking love that. I would too.
That would make me so happy to see someone I know sitting in the back room going, get him. Yeah, there was a game called LA Noir.

Speaker 2 You ever see that play that game? LA Noir, yeah. I think Rockstar made it.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 And you know Nick Youssef's in it? No. Yeah.
His voice? Him. What do you mean? They animated his face and his voice.
Really?

Speaker 2 Yeah, i and you can't get to him until the end of the game and what do you i think you can kill him you have to kill him i think you can yeah so i i didn't even like the game but i just played it just so that i could get to him just you could kill him yeah did you talk to him about it oh yeah i like that game was fun because you could drive by the comedy store that was kind of like they did that in um grand theft in gta yeah you could and they called it like the chuckle yeah yeah fart factory and it just said ha ha ha all over it yeah yeah somebody posted a clip uh somebody posted a clip today of uh a GTA clip where

Speaker 2 a dude is just like getting into a fight with another dude, and the cops are right there. The cop car is right there.
And they're just like punching each other, punching each other.

Speaker 2 And it's like the moment a black guy comes in, then the cops get out of the car. Oh, wow.
They don't do anything until then.

Speaker 2 And the dude playing it looks at the camera and just goes, See? See? That's funny. That's funny.
Yeah, how are you feeling now about this week? We did that episode.

Speaker 2 And now we got a lot of comments, a lot of positive ones as well.

Speaker 2 We spoke our mind. I said the things I wanted to say.
You said what you said you wanted to say. And I and I don't know.
I'm not going to fucking listen to hate.

Speaker 2 I don't fucking give a shit. You know, remember I called you and I was just like a little paranoid about it, but

Speaker 2 I'm a completely changed man. Yeah, I can feel that.
The energy is significantly different. Yeah, I don't give.
I don't care now. I genuinely don't care how people feel about how I feel about things.

Speaker 2 Yeah, you believe what you believe. And I also believe I'm right.
That's that. Yes, that's fine.
That's what I'm saying. Like universally right.

Speaker 2 Sure. Yeah.
I'm not here to debate you.

Speaker 2 We're talking about

Speaker 2 human beings here. Yeah.

Speaker 2 And I'm going to fight the right for human beings to exist. Yeah.
And to be treated equally. Yeah.
That's all. And

Speaker 2 also I have to admit, Seth Rogan really kind of got me. He made me laugh.
He was trolling people that wrote All Lives Matter on Twitter and wrote and just writing, fuck you. Yeah, that see that.

Speaker 2 and don't watch my movies. Yeah, don't watch my movie.
And that, honestly, I want to be honest with, about Seth. Yeah.
That inspired me. Yeah.
Because I'm like, oh,

Speaker 2 because he's on the right side of history. So he knows that.

Speaker 2 And he's like, at this point, we're talking about, you know, people's lives. So I think you can...
you can do that. Here's what I would say.
I agree with you. I liked what he said.
I think it's funny.

Speaker 2 Whether or not you disagree with Seth, and do you think he's on the wrong side of history or the right side of history? What I really love about that, regardless, is

Speaker 2 he's sticking to his brand. He's going, No, no, no, this is how I feel.
If you don't, if you don't want to agree with me, fine, don't watch my shit.

Speaker 2 Like, that's what inspired you to be like, fuck it, I'm going to feel the way I feel. It doesn't matter that people aren't going to agree with you, just feel the way you feel.

Speaker 2 Let me just dial back a little bit. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Back in the day when the first African-American girl was integrated into

Speaker 2 a white school,

Speaker 2 there were probably people there saying that that girl and the people that support her are on the wrong side of history.

Speaker 2 But she's not.

Speaker 2 Martin Arthur King isn't the wrong side. There is only one side that's the right side of history.

Speaker 2 Look at history. What I'm saying to you.
No, no, no. What I'm saying to you is that I heard about your opinion.
No, no, no, no, no, no. That's not an opinion.
Okay.

Speaker 2 It is your opinion. I understand that.
People have other opinions. They can have them, too.
But those events in our Near history

Speaker 2 is the right side of history. Yes.
Fighting for people's rights

Speaker 2 is the right side of history. I completely agree.
Okay. That's all I'm saying.
Yeah, you know I agree. I'm saying people are going to disagree with us.
That's fucking nature.

Speaker 2 I'm going to stick with how I feel. I don't fucking care.
Okay. And I'm probably going to get fucking kicked off Twitter.
I I didn't know you couldn't say cunt.

Speaker 2 I called Laura Ingram a cunt. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Can I introduce you to somebody? Here, we got to go.

Speaker 2 Hold on. Okay.

Speaker 2 Okay, Bob. So

Speaker 2 a couple weeks ago, we talked about someone who made a song on the internet. I want to be ninja.

Speaker 2 It's from a while ago. I want to jump, chop, chop, child, down, pinch out to Chinatown.

Speaker 2 It popped back up in my feed somehow on YouTube. I learned to chop real hard.
I fight with credit card.

Speaker 1 I use my numb chops even while feeding dumps.

Speaker 2 Probably because of this podcast. And

Speaker 2 she reached out to us and she wanted to come on the show.

Speaker 2 And we said, okay, let's talk. Let's come on the show.
Because she said she wants to explain explain her position and all that stuff. So, ladies and gentlemen, without further ado, Jen Murphy.

Speaker 2 Jen Murphy. Jennifer Murphy.

Speaker 2 Jen, I want to say this. I think the song is extremely catchy.
Yeah. Right.

Speaker 2 If I was at your party, I probably would have danced. Right?

Speaker 2 Because usually when I listen to music, though, I don't really listen to the lyrics, really. Right.
I just like the tone of it. Right.
So I like the tone of it, you know, and I liked it.

Speaker 1 After you heard the lyrics, would you stop dancing and go, wait, wait a second, what was that?

Speaker 2 I would just be like, am I at a clan rally?

Speaker 2 No, I'm kidding. I'm kidding.
But

Speaker 2 the song is cute. And

Speaker 2 I think if I was your friend and I knew you and we were at the party, I don't think that I would have been offended at all.

Speaker 2 Well, there was a young Asian woman there that she says she's close friends with who's Chinese. You said she's Chinese, you told me, right? Right, right.
Right. And she supports the song, huh?

Speaker 1 I did not know her yet the night of the party. She came with a friend of mine.
Um, I had about five or six Asian friends there, but I don't usually count how many of which ethnicity.

Speaker 1 I have lots of friends of all types. Um, I'm founder of GoGo Worldwide to empower girls and women.
So, I have a very diverse group of friends, and business partners, and women that come to my events.

Speaker 1 So, it never even registered that I better make sure I have enough Asians in the background when I do my ninja song.

Speaker 1 Most of my friends know I'm a YouTuber. I drive a kid's Barbie Jeep and I'm self-deprecating, and I'm just a big dork, and I'm a comedian.

Speaker 1 So I thought, you know, I've been working on this ninja song, it's pretty cool.

Speaker 1 And I'm launching

Speaker 1 my Murphy Bed store. Why don't I just do my latest song?

Speaker 1 And so my Murphy Bed partners were like, Well, how does it tie in? And I said, Well, the first line, I shut my Murphy Bed.

Speaker 1 They're like, Okay, if you really want to do it.

Speaker 1 So that was the first time I ever performed my Ninja song. I obviously went all out.
And

Speaker 1 it did strike me. I had started performing the song and I'm like, oh,

Speaker 1 she's, she's Asian and she's right here. And she's fine.

Speaker 1 And she doesn't know me and she doesn't know my YouTube videos. And I didn't even realize she didn't really even know English at the time.
So,

Speaker 1 you know, I felt bad, but i was already you know in it

Speaker 2 so i just the funniest thing jen that's the funniest thing i've ever heard yeah that's so funny she didn't speak english was she trapped there what is it why was she there day two of her being in america

Speaker 1 no that was yeah you know she was just totally submerged into you know orange county at that moment in time

Speaker 1 myself into it's weird place to land it's interesting how life works and i did get to know her and she's a total sweetheart. She's come to some of my Go-Girl events.

Speaker 2 Does she speak English now?

Speaker 1 She does. It's been about five years.
She speaks much better English. She's helping me with my Nindax.

Speaker 2 Okay.

Speaker 2 So

Speaker 2 let us ask you some questions. Let's break this up.
Let's ask some questions.

Speaker 2 So, so,

Speaker 2 okay.

Speaker 2 Let's start with this.

Speaker 2 The partners of the Murphy thing, when you did it, you said, I want to do a song. And they said, Okay, but what does that do with Murphy beds?

Speaker 2 And you said, Well, I talk about a bed in the first five seconds, right?

Speaker 2 But after that, it has nothing to do with beds, right?

Speaker 2 What is it about? I don't understand. It's about who's chow.
Yeah, yeah. What is the song about? Maybe we have to, maybe we don't.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 1 There is a backstory, and it is funny because a lot of people want to just assume I'm an Asian hater or a racist, or what the heck is this song all about?

Speaker 1 And there is a rhyme or reason to it, but it takes a little explaining.

Speaker 1 So I'm friends with a guy named Peter and he likes to impersonate Mr. Chow on the Hangover.
He kind of looks like him and he can do that accent that Ken does in the movie.

Speaker 1 And so he said, Jen, I want to be in one of your YouTube videos. I'd love to do that.
Let's collab. And so I started thinking about it and how could I work him in?

Speaker 1 And then one of my clients that I, I make videos for companies and we try and make them viral videos.

Speaker 1 And this company said, Hey, we want you to do something where you are doing like a saga thing with like a villain and it's you versus him.

Speaker 1 And I'm like, hmm, hey, maybe Chow could be like a ninja in this. And so that kind of got my wheels spinning.
And then he was all about it. We started filming this.

Speaker 1 And then I thought, oh, a song would be really cool. And then he steals my Barbie Jeep and then we're like at it.
But at the very end, we make up and we become friends.

Speaker 1 And so as I started writing this song, I thought, you know, part of my blonde persona that I, um, that I, you know, have in my YouTube character, and I try and be self-deprecating and act like I'm a D blonde.

Speaker 1 And, um, and so I thought, well, part of me thinking I'm becoming a ninja is assuming his accent, like trying to sound like him too. And I thought, okay, it would be kind of funny.

Speaker 1 I won't do anything, you know. And so, we're in the recording studio, and my sister Juliana, she helps me with a lot of my projects.
Dennis, my

Speaker 1 my

Speaker 1 producers there. And we had a few other people.
You know, I don't think we had an Asian in the mix, which probably would have been a good idea.

Speaker 2 I think it's safe to say there's no way there was an Asian in the mix. I think

Speaker 2 if there was one Asian, I bet they would have gone. I don't know.
Do you think in retrospect, you think in retrospect you wouldn't have done the accent?

Speaker 2 You think in retrospect you wouldn't have done the accent?

Speaker 1 No, you know what?

Speaker 2 You're sticking with it.

Speaker 1 A lot of Asian friends, and they all think it's funny, but they also know where I'm coming from.

Speaker 2 And that I do appreciate it.

Speaker 2 You know what?

Speaker 2 Listen, I've now listened to your point of view.

Speaker 2 I know the journey now to the song. Yeah.
Right.

Speaker 2 You're also a comedian, which I didn't know. I literally didn't know anything about you in the video.
So I just thought you were just. When you say comedian, what do you mean?

Speaker 2 You mean you do comedic videos online? Yeah, she does. She's a comedian.
She does YouTube videos.

Speaker 1 I've made like probably 300 funny YouTube videos. I drive a kid's Barbie Deep.
I act like it's my real car.

Speaker 2 I talk to people.

Speaker 1 I write lots of different songs songs with the usually with the message of in fact i have my sun chart right here this is all of the different ways that i try dead is on a mission to ignite joy spread smiles and empower yeah yeah okay

Speaker 1 my goal stuff and so i'm a gooseball and i make fun of myself

Speaker 1 And in this case scenario, you know, I was making my fun of myself for being a blonde, thinking I had to sound like him.

Speaker 1 And I do remember being in the recording studio saying, wait, that could maybe that where I say, like on the big screen, I go, let's not do screen, let's just say screen because it does a little bit.

Speaker 2 Lose the alliteration.

Speaker 2 I actually go back.

Speaker 1 Yeah. I go back a little here and there because I would never want to hurt somebody.
You know, that was the last thing that I was saying.

Speaker 2 Do you think perhaps it's, do you think in retrospect, being genuine, I'm not attacking you. Do you think it is a little bit insensitive?

Speaker 1 You know what?

Speaker 1 I think if you see it in the, with the context and when you see the footage, you, I have a lot of people I've I've run it by because I don't want to make a mistake, you know, moving forward, especially right now.

Speaker 1 Um, but I do think that I'm so goofy and I'm clearly making fun of myself.

Speaker 1 I actually, I, I adore all people, but I especially have a thing for Asians because my first inspiration to do YouTube videos was Ryan Higa back, you know, Niga Higa, that channel, and back about like 12 years ago.

Speaker 1 And I thought, and one of his first videos was how to, how to be ninja. And I thought it was so great.

Speaker 2 i've always loved ninjas and so for me like you know and i went to china but jen but jen he's hold on he's um he's asian yeah

Speaker 2 but you know what come on you guys make fun of all yeah yeah we do we do but i want to defend her can i defend jen you can i want to defend her okay yeah you can Thanks, Bobby.

Speaker 1 Thank you all. Because you were a little rough on me, but I don't blame you because you didn't know.

Speaker 2 I was rough on you.

Speaker 1 Well, you said this girl, she's a rich Orange County. She can't climb a tree tree where it's, you know, I grew up in Oregon.

Speaker 2 So I hate Oregon. Well, I think I probably was meaner.
Yeah, yeah. I don't remember.
I don't remember.

Speaker 2 Okay, I want to say, though, that I,

Speaker 2 number one, I hadn't, I thought you were just some drunk girl at a party who wrote the song 10 minutes before,

Speaker 2 right,

Speaker 2 you performed it. And then I didn't know anything about you.
So when you watch it in that context, you go, wow. Yeah.

Speaker 2 And also, you know, I've seen not you specifically, but, you know, I've been to Orange County and,

Speaker 2 you know,

Speaker 1 I've seen a lot of shallow networks.

Speaker 2 It's a very

Speaker 2 conservative area, Irvine, right? They're more right-wing. That's probably in California the most right-wing area.

Speaker 2 Yeah, probably Southern.

Speaker 2 And then when I see the scope of the audience, because I have eyes, right? It's one Asian girl and generally mostly white people. It's all white people.
And you're singing this ninja song.

Speaker 2 Yeah, I think I was a little offended when I saw it, but now when I know that,

Speaker 2 you know, that they're

Speaker 2 that you're a comedian, right? And you do

Speaker 2 comedic videos, and that

Speaker 2 I think that I give you more of a pass, you know?

Speaker 2 I'm not going to give you the pass. Bobby can't give you the pass.
I'm taking the pass away. No, you can't do it.
Well, here's my thing.

Speaker 2 I understand what you, I think I understand what you you think the intent was, but I just think it's,

Speaker 2 you know, Ryan does that stuff because he's Asian. We can, it's easier for us to make fun of ourselves, but you saying Ninja.

Speaker 1 I was making fun of myself being a blonde.

Speaker 2 But you're, but you're doing, but when doing in

Speaker 2 a stereotypical Asian accent,

Speaker 2 you're making fun of.

Speaker 2 Right.

Speaker 2 Right. Right.
It's a, it's a teetering. Well, let me show you.
Let me show you something real quick, Jen. You sent me this one.
Let's watch this. Watch this.
There's a video.

Speaker 2 Jen never no one's ever seen this Jen sent me this and this is her she actually went to she went to where did you go these are just random clips I haven't edited it completely all right let's take a let's take a look at this it's just a montage

Speaker 2 how to throw a ninja star

Speaker 2 how to hit hard

Speaker 2 Okay, is this in Orange County?

Speaker 2 Looks like

Speaker 1 that was uh

Speaker 2 Laguna.

Speaker 2 And then at some point, at some point, you do go to, where do you go in this video?

Speaker 1 I went to China.

Speaker 2 Oh, oh, okay. You went to China.

Speaker 2 Are you performing here in the street? Yeah.

Speaker 2 Now, what were you doing, your song?

Speaker 1 I was just getting clips, you know, seeing what kind of, and they loved me, and they were so sweet. Everyone wanted a photo, and they especially loved when I had

Speaker 2 the ninjas are from Japan. They are Japanese.

Speaker 1 I know, but that's another part of my blonde character.

Speaker 2 It rhymes. Oh, right.
Okay.

Speaker 1 And then I'm thinking, well, they're from Japan, but it's kind of funny that my, you know, I think, and I knew that with, you know what, some places comedians, we kind of push the envelope a little bit, right?

Speaker 2 We sure do.

Speaker 2 And then this is, um, and then this is you again. You're in, this is still in China.

Speaker 2 Probably. Yeah.

Speaker 2 And then you're at a temple.

Speaker 2 And this is money on the street. Did you, did you, did you get donations for something or was that a bit

Speaker 1 when I play my tiny guitar?

Speaker 2 I often get tips oh wow and then you're

Speaker 2 and then uh

Speaker 2 helping someone lift stuff

Speaker 1 yeah so I had a lot of fun when I was there

Speaker 2 that old perverted Asian man look at look at yeah he's not looking at her back of her head tell you that right now. Yeah,

Speaker 1 so what I will say, um, is that when I performed the song at my Murphybed party, it was more for me to just perform it because I wanted to, it was new, and then I planned to do the music video.

Speaker 1 Yeah, but then I thought, let me just test it out, see what my followers on YouTube think of the song. I put it on my YouTube channel, kind of forgot about it for a couple of months.

Speaker 1 And then, um, and a guy named Angry Asian Man, who's a blogger on Reddit.

Speaker 2 I know him.

Speaker 2 Okay. I certainly know him.

Speaker 1 He took a screenshot of me with the girl behind me and then did a write-up and said, you know, racist white woman, da-da-da. And it got a ton of people jumping on it.

Speaker 1 But he actually didn't call me a racist. He said at the end of it, I don't think she's actually a racist, but

Speaker 1 the title and then everyone jumped on it. But, you know, I wish I wouldn't have posted me performing it at the party out of context.
And, you know, I didn't think it would go viral.

Speaker 1 I thought once I do the music video, it puts it in context. People will understand my humor and I'm making fun of myself.
Jen,

Speaker 2 here's the thing, okay,

Speaker 2 is I don't think I have a problem with the song

Speaker 2 or now I'm thinking back now. I have an opinion now.

Speaker 2 Or

Speaker 2 the context of the song or the lyrics. I don't have a problem with the rhyme.
or even the musical background. I think I have the problem with the accent.
Right.

Speaker 2 And the problem with it is that growing up as a kid, right, white people that look like you, not you specifically, and I have a lot of white friends, would come up to me and they would do this and they would do the accent to my face and then they would throw a rock at my head, right?

Speaker 2 And they would bully me, right? And I think when you when you see white people now in 2020, whenever that was filmed, right? It was a while ago, right? How many years ago? Seven?

Speaker 2 Four and a half, five years ago, four and four and a half, five years ago, right? It gives me, you know, it really does give me PTSD, right?

Speaker 2 And I don't think that you're a racist. I just don't think that you were mindful and being really aware and conscious, you know, and you didn't really think it through.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 So, you know, I think that from now on,

Speaker 1 teased as a little guy. I understand.
Various things.

Speaker 2 And yeah.

Speaker 2 It's a little different.

Speaker 1 It's a little different.

Speaker 1 Not really. I mean, yeah,

Speaker 2 well, but Jen, but Jen, but Jen, you still.

Speaker 1 You don't know anything.

Speaker 2 Yeah, but even if you grew up poor and you grew up in the world. I was homeschooled.

Speaker 1 I was teased for a lot of different reasons.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 1 I'm just saying, there are a lot of jokes people do. And I could go, well, I take offense that I take offense that why can't you guys do jokes about people with different accents?

Speaker 1 And Bobby, I saw a clip of you on stage and you were talking about, hey, so why do they have to look for ninjas when they come through to security?

Speaker 1 TSA, the ninjas, they just go, oh, they go in and they're on the, you know, in the, they're already in the plate.

Speaker 1 You switched over to that type of an accent and so that's because i'm asian though he's asian

Speaker 1 like you know what that's i don't that i don't

Speaker 2 i know but it's it's like you know i don't say the n-word in front of a ever in front of a black person especially but black people say it to each other because they have a pass right so could you ever do like a valley girl

Speaker 2 like you know yeah because people are the um yeah because valley girls have never has suffered oppression

Speaker 2 there's never been like an oppressive moment of of Valley girls that weren't given opportunities or weren't given.

Speaker 2 Look,

Speaker 2 no one, no voice.

Speaker 2 I'm a comedian like you.

Speaker 1 I need to be able to, I need to be able to make fun of everything, but without a mean spirit.

Speaker 2 Yeah, but you just, but here's the thing. When you say like, we don't, like, we all, we oftentimes make off-color jokes or, or, uh, or, you know,

Speaker 2 we talk a lot of dumb shit.

Speaker 2 But context means almost everything as a comedian. So like the way we do it or the subject involved, it matters a lot.

Speaker 2 So, when you say, like, oh, I should be able to do an Asian accent, it's like, yeah, sure. I guess.
I mean, you just have to understand context is going to mean everything.

Speaker 2 So, the way it's received is going to be contextual. So, no one knows how you really feel.
They're going to take at face value. People know how we feel on this show.
That's why we talk so freely.

Speaker 1 But people, you know, people that do know me or that follow me, they understand who they are.

Speaker 2 They'll know.

Speaker 1 You know,

Speaker 1 if you look up the work I've done for the last 12 years, I have given my heart and soul, any money I make in business, I put right back into

Speaker 1 everything to help unify women and people.

Speaker 2 Jenny, we're not saying that you're a bad person. We think that you're a good person.
I'm not saying that. I'm not even calling you a racist.

Speaker 1 I just feel like because I'm a white person, you're a good person.

Speaker 1 Because I'm white and blonde, I am such. a different i'm put in a box and you know so if i can't do a funny asian accent what i can't do a funny hispanic accent I can't.

Speaker 2 So do you think you're not allowed to do accents because

Speaker 2 you're a blonde white woman?

Speaker 2 You think that's the reason why?

Speaker 1 Well, why can't other comedians do accents and it's okay?

Speaker 2 It really depends on who's doing the accent and what's the context behind it, right? Like, you know, I think that's more of it than anything. It's not like a pity party.

Speaker 2 It's like, I can't do something because I'm blonde. It's not because you're blonde.

Speaker 2 It's got to be context, right? It's everything has to have some sort of contextual message to it. But for you, you just want to be

Speaker 1 hard to show what it just like you know goofy blonde

Speaker 2 like you know well jen you say you say you play the character of a goofy blonde right are you a goofy blonde in real life who's who's who

Speaker 1 with a brain i kind of take my own real personality and then i heighten it i'm a little clumsy so in my videos i'm super clumsy but i'm very intelligent you know i was on the apprentice donald trump i but i because i want to break the ice and, you know, get through to people, I do a self-deprecating thing.

Speaker 1 Even at my seminars and things, I try and laugh at myself and I try and make light of things. And I drive the RBG.
You think that's always the key?

Speaker 1 I drive down the damn road and I get pulled over by cops. Why are you doing? But if it gets some views and it makes people laugh,

Speaker 1 and that's something that I'm really glad you guys had me on your show because you could have said, Nat, let's just, you know, let it be. You guys have given me a chance to say who I am.

Speaker 1 And I really appreciate that. And I I see you guys love what you do.
You're both really good. You're really fun.

Speaker 1 And we need that right now. We need positivity.

Speaker 2 Well, Jen, let me say this to you. I appreciate, we appreciate you.

Speaker 2 But let me say this.

Speaker 2 When you say self-deprecating,

Speaker 2 you got to be self-deprecating. Do you know what I mean?

Speaker 2 Like if you're saying if I'm being self-deprecating, I can't, if I'm being self-deprecating about me being a redhead, I can't be a redhead making fun of,

Speaker 2 I can't make fun of being a redhead, but then do an Asian accent do you know what I mean because I'm not Asian so if I'm doing self-deprecation I'd have to go I'd have to go hey I'm just a dumb ginger I can't go oh I'm a dumb ginger I mean it would it wouldn't it that doesn't that's not the same thing so you can't if you're gonna make fun of yourself for being a dumb blonde you got to just be make fun of yourself for being a dumb blonde

Speaker 2 We appreciate you coming to

Speaker 2 speak your peace.

Speaker 2 I will say this. You keep thriving.
Keep doing your thing. Don't Don't read comments.

Speaker 1 I try not to read it.

Speaker 2 Because they're going to light you up.

Speaker 2 Because we get comments on the comments. I don't know if you're going to get ripped apart.
And, you know, Jen, I think you're a good person. I just, you know, just, this is just a suggestion.

Speaker 2 Maybe not do the accent. No more ninja.
How about no more ninja? Write a new song, maybe. No more ninja.
Write a new song, Jen. How about this? We'll help you write a song called a bit.

Speaker 2 How about we'll write a song called Goofy Dumb Blonde and we'll write it with you. And then we can, I'm serious.
We'll do a song called.

Speaker 2 We'll do it with a bunch of collab. Like collab.
If you want to do it.

Speaker 2 We'll do a collab called

Speaker 2 something like Orange County Blonde or something like that.

Speaker 2 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. All right, Jen,

Speaker 2 we appreciate you very much, Jen. You have a great rest of the day.

Speaker 2 God, this is so.

Speaker 2 Can you hear me? Can you hear me?

Speaker 2 We're off. We're off,

Speaker 2 she's so tone-dev

Speaker 2 that I got to the point where I was just like, oh,

Speaker 2 we just. You were very nice.
I was. Wasn't he exceptionally nice? You were very nice.
Once I realized. You made me hold my tongue.

Speaker 2 Once I realized, right, that we're dealing, I've dealt with people like that. Right.
She's tone deaf. Yeah.
And

Speaker 2 when she tried to equate her childhood to my childhood. Same thing.
She grew up in Oregon.

Speaker 2 I know, but. People used to make fun of her in Oregon.

Speaker 2 They used to say, look at you. I know.
Girl. You.

Speaker 2 Yeah. Here's the thing.
She's going to watch the episode. She's going to see.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 I will stand by my point very obviously. I think people that know me would obviously know that I helped.
I did very good.

Speaker 2 I did very good at being nice and calm. What did not get mean? I know you were saying, slow down.
Yeah. No, because I hear, there was.
Because I wasn't going to be three minutes in.

Speaker 2 I wanted to get out. I know me too.
Right? Three minutes in, I go, oh, I know your energy. Yeah, my energy was like, I'm out.
Yeah. Right? Yeah.
So then I was just playing nice. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Because I don't want to also, you know,

Speaker 2 I think that she is, in her heart, not a bad person. Of course, she's probably not.
She's not a great person. She just doesn't have the

Speaker 2 she doesn't have the

Speaker 2 She doesn't have any social context to why any Asian friend who's a real Asian friend would go, don't do that. Also, any Asian friend would go, that's a good question.
You are the oppressor.

Speaker 2 You can't, you know what I mean? Yeah, yeah, yeah, but yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, I mean, dude,

Speaker 2 we're talking to each other here. And also, what made me laugh was like, that Asian chick didn't know English.
And it's so funny the fact

Speaker 2 that when she went to school, probably her first words that she learned was,

Speaker 2 you

Speaker 2 are

Speaker 2 a

Speaker 2 racist.

Speaker 2 Those are the first words she probably learned. So that you could tell her that.
You know what I mean? Oh, she's up, on my gate. This is it.

Speaker 2 Yeah, and she probably said that. You know what I mean? Oh, my God.
It's what do you think, Rudy? Let's hear Rude's opinion. Yeah, Rude.
I always like to hear what Rudy has to say.

Speaker 2 I mean, people know what we feel about it. I don't hate the woman.
I think it's just very, it's just, it's just tone-deaf. It's just very, it's very.

Speaker 2 Especially, she's an attractive, white, very white, right?

Speaker 2 She has money, you can see from, you know, the backdrop. You know what I mean? Right.
Even if she doesn't, the point is like, no, I'm just, you know, and

Speaker 2 she has every right to defend her point of view. Sure, that's why we let her do it.
And I don't think that we have to persecute her. I think that people's opinion.

Speaker 2 I think she's been persecuted by the internet. Well, I think if this comes out,

Speaker 2 this is going to be very difficult for her. It's coming out.
I know it is.

Speaker 2 I know. So that's why I don't think that we needed to really do much.
I didn't need to be. We don't want to be mean.
People will have their opinions, but she also might get a lot of followers.

Speaker 2 Here's the thing.

Speaker 2 I'm sure she's not a bad person. I think she just, when we live, this is something I talked about with a friend.
When we live in a certain area and we don't get to like leave an area,

Speaker 2 your views of almost everything will be

Speaker 2 kind of singular because no one's telling you, you don't have one person going, hey, you know what else is different than that that I feel? Da da da. When nobody says that,

Speaker 2 you know, then you kind of don't have any opposing views. I also have to say that, yes, I've seen Chris Dahlia do accents from a different land

Speaker 2 I've seen you do accents from a different land yeah right yeah but it's context it's not only that it's funny

Speaker 2 you know what I mean it has to be tied into a really strong punchline and there's got to be a point to it. Yeah, no,

Speaker 2 that's what I kept trying to explain. Right, because you, I've seen you, you know, be very supportive of Hispanics, for instance.
Yeah, I talk about how much I love fucking Mexicans.

Speaker 2 Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's

Speaker 2 thing. That's the foundation of the bit, right? And then when you do accents, you know, it's funny because we get what the context is.
Right, because the context is I'm supporting a group. Right.

Speaker 2 Right. This isn't supporting a group.
It's just joking about the group. She's just doing the accent.

Speaker 2 Yeah, yeah, yeah. And so I think that's the problem.
Well, and it's hard to explain the word context, but context and comedy is a very good thing. It's everything.
Yeah, it's literally.

Speaker 2 It's hard to explain that.

Speaker 2 Dude, I did a whole bit about, and there's a true story. When I was in Costa Rica,

Speaker 2 I saw, Costa Ricans hate people from Panama.

Speaker 2 They violently hate each other. They fight each other all the time.
I watched a guy getting his fucking face kicked in by two guys.

Speaker 2 And I asked the guy that was with us, I said, dude, what the fuck is going on? Like right outside of this hotel. And he goes, and I did the accent when I do the bit.

Speaker 2 I said, he, now he says, this guy, he says, where you from? He says, no, where are you from? Yeah. And he says, Panama, motherfucker.
And

Speaker 2 that was it for him. You know, he fucked him up.
His friend came. He said, He's from Pennywall.
They fuck him up bad. And I tell the joke in the accent because I'm giving context to what's going on.

Speaker 2 Right. I'm not making fun of.
That's what happened. Right.
That's literally what happened. And also, let me say this.
She brought up my ninja joke, which I haven't done in 18 years.

Speaker 2 I don't even know what joke that is. I know.
You don't know. I did it on the tonight's show.
And after I did it, then I just never did it again. But yeah, but

Speaker 2 you're Asian. And not only that, am I Asian? I say one thing.
Yeah. You cannot see me.
Oh, exactly.

Speaker 2 That's all I say. Right.
But it's in the context of that's the last line of a three-minute bit. Yeah.
Right? So she doesn't.

Speaker 2 Oh, my God. For her to bring that up.

Speaker 2 It was interesting. No, it's not interesting.
It's just that I can do the fucking accent. I'm fucking Asian.
Right. She says she doesn't stand by that.
What do you think, Rude?

Speaker 2 Oh, my God. Rudy, I want to hear it.

Speaker 2 I think she's a good person,

Speaker 2 but then, I don't know, her going to China and saying that

Speaker 2 it's... I mean, going to China and doing

Speaker 2 the ninja stuff is really... It's not really funny.
No, it's not funny. Well, that's kind of fucking crazy.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 Oh, my God. What is she doing?

Speaker 2 She's performing. She was performing for...
I mean, this.

Speaker 2 This was very.

Speaker 2 Look, and it's funny because people would say that, like, like, let's just remove the word racist because people like to throw around the word racist a lot, right? You know,

Speaker 2 like I said to her, I said, it's just extremely deaf. It's very insensitive.

Speaker 2 It's very like you don't understand that, like, none of these people are going to come up to you and go, Hey, this is fucked up. Don't do that.

Speaker 2 They wouldn't sound like that. Go ahead, dude.

Speaker 2 None of these people.

Speaker 2 Dude, fucking accent.

Speaker 2 It's in context. None of these people are going to come up to you

Speaker 2 and go, excuse me.

Speaker 2 We have fun. No, don't finish it.
Finish it. Finish it.

Speaker 2 I'll give you the go ahead. I'm Asian.
Go ahead. What you do

Speaker 2 is a wrong

Speaker 2 racist white lady.

Speaker 2 Okay.

Speaker 2 Oh, good. Yeah, no one's going to say that

Speaker 2 because they're fucking, because you're a white American girl who they're, right? Isn't that the it's like

Speaker 2 they're not going to say say they're gonna go let that crazy white American girl. This is what I expected from her.

Speaker 2 You guys, I just, you know, looking back at doing that video, I was so insensitive that I did that. I'm so sorry.
Yeah, I know.

Speaker 2 And I started an organization to, you know, called No More Asian Accents. No more Asian accents, or whatever it might be, right? I thought that was good.

Speaker 2 I didn't think she was going to come here and just defend that point of view. She went ham.
She went ham on us. Rudy said the right thing.
I'm sure she's not a bad person at all.

Speaker 2 I think people have good hearts, but

Speaker 2 did it piss you off a little bit? Yeah.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 She did, you know, she did the apprentice with Trump. She said that.
And she, and there was a whole like CNN thing when he was running that he kissed her. And she was like, I wasn't offended by it.

Speaker 2 Like, he just kissed her by the elevator. Oh, we should have asked.

Speaker 2 I didn't want to get into the depths of Trump. No, we should ask who she supports.
I can only make it as well. What are you talking about?

Speaker 2 I just told you. Yeah.
Jennifer. Let's see if we can pull this up.
Jennifer Murphy

Speaker 2 Trump kiss. I've seen the clip before.
Yeah, here it is. Here you go.
You want to see this? Oh, that's her. Yeah, you want to see this? She went on CNN and talked about not being offended.

Speaker 2 This is when Trump was running. That is her.
Sure is.

Speaker 2 Sound like my dad. Sure is.
Let's hear. It's only a minute long.

Speaker 1 But can you tell us that the kiss itself happened at Trump Tower at some point?

Speaker 1 You know, so this is something that frustrates me about the media and journalism. I mentioned at one point, yes, he kissed me on the lips, but that's what they want to focus on.
It was a small kiss.

Speaker 1 It was after he had fired me on the apprentice. He called me the next day and said, I still want to give you an opportunity to work for me.
I was very impressed with you.

Speaker 1 So after several meetings and getting to know him more, he walked me to the elevator at one point. And he did reach in and give me a little kiss.
And I was a little surprised, but I wasn't offended.

Speaker 1 And I could have turned away. And I really think that we need to take these incidents into account and make sure that we don't let the media spin anything out of control and put words in our mouth.

Speaker 1 And that's why I'm excited for the opportunity to speak from my heart

Speaker 2 before she comes on.

Speaker 2 I wanted to show it. No, no, no, you show it before.

Speaker 2 Why don't you show me this before she comes on? Because I knew the reaction was going to be different.

Speaker 2 That's very clever of you. Yeah.
Because then it would have been a completely different interview.

Speaker 2 Now it, now

Speaker 2 we put it into context.

Speaker 2 Mm-hmm. All right, people, burner alive.

Speaker 2 I'm kidding. I'm kidding.
No, it's just. Wow, I'm sweating.
It's so hot in here. It is very hot.

Speaker 2 Wow. That whole thing was, you know, it was a cosmic experience for me.
Thank you. I feel like I wanted you to have it like that.
Yeah. But can I tell you why? Yeah.
Honestly,

Speaker 2 I know you well enough to know how you react to things. Yeah.
And lately shit's been weird and wild.

Speaker 2 Okay.

Speaker 2 And I want to say this how you reacted was

Speaker 2 Impressive because I thought you were going to be a little bit more blunt. And you were you're an what proves to me is

Speaker 2 you're

Speaker 2 you're a really good person and you don't like hurting people. You don't you know that

Speaker 2 and and and you just you you always usually you usually take the right steps. You almost always take the right steps, Bob.
Yeah. No, you really do.
You're really a good person.

Speaker 2 Just because you disagree with her and you don't like her and both of us don't agree with what she does, you don't feel like you need to yell at somebody and make them feel awful because it doesn't earn you anything.

Speaker 2 Because we made fun of her for two episodes. I'm shameful, though.
Huh? I have a feeling of shame. Let's just be real here.
Go ahead.

Speaker 2 There is a feeling of shame when she was on that I didn't go after her more.

Speaker 2 And the reason why is because I've been conditioned

Speaker 2 through my life is just to let white people act the way they do

Speaker 2 and um well i mean i stood up for you i know you stood up for me because i knew that my white friends would well because i don't like it i i

Speaker 2 don't like it either but i i i even checked myself and i'm now thinking about how i behave just now right and and because of all the things that are going on in the world and um

Speaker 2 i'd have to change that about myself Yeah, maybe we just learned a good lesson. I don't defend myself.
I, you know, you know, I,

Speaker 2 when a cop pulls me over, I'm very shy. I'm sorry, officer, you know, and I, you know, and I let people talk to me in a certain way.

Speaker 2 And just because I think I, um, I kind of subconsciously know the white rules. You know the white rules.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 And

Speaker 2 there's a, there's a bit of shame that comes along with that. Right.
And I think a lot of Asians are that way. We want to stay quiet.
And we don't want to be seen.

Speaker 2 Well, that's why I just said, I'm not, I wasn't joking around. That's why no one in that square said anything to her.
Right.

Speaker 2 And I think that now I'm no longer to be like that. You should voice your fucking pain.
I'm tired of it. Yeah, go ahead.

Speaker 2 I think it's coming out in certain different ways.

Speaker 2 And it comes out vocally around my girlfriend at home.

Speaker 2 I'll just say things, you know, like, fuck that. I'll rage out.
Yeah. Right.
But then when I'm in society, you know what I mean?

Speaker 2 I just, I know this matrixy kind of this rule or this world that was built around me. And I have to kind of live amongst it.
Navigate through it. Navigate through it.

Speaker 2 And I no longer, I just, I think that that doesn't do me any service. I don't think it does people that look like me any service.
And

Speaker 2 I'm quite frankly tired of quiet Asians. Speak the fuck up.
Yeah, I'm tired of

Speaker 2 don't mean rock the boat. You know, we're doing great in this country.
Right. Let's not state our opinions.

Speaker 2 I'm tired of all that. And because I am somebody that really truly

Speaker 2 believes in certain things that I don't want to say right now.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 And

Speaker 2 yeah, so that whole thing with Britney, what's her name?

Speaker 2 Jen. Jen.

Speaker 2 To me, she looks like a Britney. Yeah.
You know,

Speaker 2 that whole thing with Jen was actually a cathartic experience for me. Is that the right one? Yeah, that's it.
Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 I was blindsided by it.

Speaker 2 I kind of wanted to see how that was going to work out. Yeah, I was in awe of her.

Speaker 2 In a negative way. Well,

Speaker 2 here's what I'll say. I know what you're saying.
And I know what. She's the aloof.
She doesn't shed it. Yeah, it doesn't get it.
Oh, my God.

Speaker 2 I couldn't believe it.

Speaker 2 And I kept looking at Jules, going, let's cut it off, right? And then Jules kept going, she can see you.

Speaker 2 Right. And then, you know, wow, what a.
Well, here's what I've learned from situations like this.

Speaker 2 I knew I wanted to say more, right? I did too. Yeah, I did too.
But also,

Speaker 2 I know that

Speaker 2 I'm not going to change her mind.

Speaker 2 And it's not going to be a good back and forth if I just belittle someone on our show.

Speaker 2 I'd rather have her speak her piece and let everyone figure it out on their own. I also didn't want to be a comedy elitist.

Speaker 2 I am. I know you are.
When she said comedian by you. I understand that.
It bothered me so much.

Speaker 2 The same thing happens with me whereas I go, don't be a comedy elitist because I don't like it when it happens to me.

Speaker 2 There is a hierarchy above me, you know. Yeah, but you're a literal comedian.

Speaker 2 Yeah, I understand that. I'm a legitimate comedian.
Big difference. I know, but you can't just say that.
Hey, big difference. Because it's everyone.
And you can just say that.

Speaker 2 I understand that you said it, and you can say it. But just listen for a second.
Okay.

Speaker 2 Just because you're not passed at the comedy store or any of these clubs. Then you're not a comedian.

Speaker 2 No, I know what you mean. Or the seller.
There's comedians that aren't just stand-ups, right? Right. There are different types of comedians that improve.

Speaker 2 Yeah. Yes.
You know, I mean, if you're in Sketch, in my comedy elite mind, is, are you in the Friday, Saturday company at the Groundlings?

Speaker 2 Because if you are, then you're like, or you're even just the Sunday company, or

Speaker 2 even if you're taking

Speaker 2 a course there, I'd be like, yeah, you're legitimate. Or

Speaker 2 you're at UCB or Second C, or whatever it might be you could call yourself a comedian yeah right if you're um

Speaker 2 if you do YouTube videos you're popular and you're doing it with legit people or whatnot like you know I would say that so the defining line tends to be if you're funny

Speaker 2 right that's kind of how it goes yeah yeah yeah it's kind of like are you funny

Speaker 2 it is like a sweatshop in here and that's a joke that we can't say I am I just said it oh my god Man, context. He brought up that ninja joke.
Oh, my God. I couldn't believe it.

Speaker 2 I'm like, yeah.

Speaker 2 Well, here's my thing.

Speaker 2 I'm just in shell shock. I have PTSD from that experience.
Well, look,

Speaker 2 we all held back and we did the right thing, and we were very nice. And we want to thank our producer, Grundel, for setting that up.

Speaker 2 Say thank you, Grundle. Say thank you, Grundle.
Thank you, Grundel. You have to,

Speaker 2 if you're not from California, where she's from, okay, Irvine, Orange County, that area, right, is highly conservative, which I don't mind. If you're conservative, I don't give a fuck, right?

Speaker 2 It's generally white. Yeah, it's very white.
It's very white. I do great numbers in Irvine.
Do you? Yeah. Yeah, I do great numbers.
I get a lot of business there. Yeah.
I love my Orange County folks.

Speaker 2 But I get what it is. It's like, you know, San Diego.
People go, oh, you grew up in what great weather. It's very conservative.
I didn't get any women until I moved to LA.

Speaker 2 Because they didn't want to date an Asian. Yeah, in LA, it's more multicultural, right? They're ahead thinking.
In San Diego, still, back then, it was very, like, you know, very white. Yeah.

Speaker 2 And I grew up with that. Yeah.

Speaker 2 So, um.

Speaker 2 So

Speaker 2 in that context of hurts and where she grew up and just knowing the video and just having her try to, you know what I mean, defend her position was just,

Speaker 2 ah, that was the wrong move, Jen.

Speaker 2 Oh, I feel bad for you right now. Yeah, I was picked on for being a redhead very often as a young man.

Speaker 2 So my defense mechanism was to be mean and make fun of people and embarrass them or physically fight them.

Speaker 2 I just wanted to fight people. It was just a defense mechanism, right?

Speaker 2 When I got older, I learned how to use that and embrace it and make fun of it.

Speaker 2 But I didn't do it with an Asian accent. Yeah, that also brings up a point.
Could I just, you know,

Speaker 2 i've been thinking about this a lot for a long time

Speaker 2 that i was bullied to it as well

Speaker 2 by my father

Speaker 2 and people online are like you always play as a victim i'm fine i'm killing it yeah we're you're doing great killing it in live i'm not a victim no you know i i i i i i'm not you know letting people uh i don't want people to feel sorry for me no you just speak about your experiences yeah so but

Speaker 2 i was bullied by my dad i was bullied as a kid you know you know i was the guy that would they they would dangle my head on the toilet and it clutched the toilet and my head would go. Swirly? Swirly.

Speaker 2 I always wanted to do that. I was a kid in the locker.
Yeah. They put me in the locker for two days.
Did you ever get stuffed in a lot of them? Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 And I remember

Speaker 2 when I lived in Minnesota, they used to throw snow ball, like ice balls at my head. Really? Eskimo! And they would, yeah, in the snow.
They would call you an Eskimo?

Speaker 2 Yeah, and I would run ah, you know. Oh, man.
Did you ever laugh while you were running away? No, I would cry.

Speaker 2 It was really hurting you. Did you ever pretend? My point is, did you ever pretend like you were enjoying it?

Speaker 2 No. With iceballs and my head bleeding? No.
No, you know what I'm saying. No, I never did.
You never played it up. No, I would.

Speaker 2 Eventually I would get mad and just be angry. Did you ever want to fight? But without those experiences, I don't think I would be where I'm at.
Right.

Speaker 2 It strengthened me. Yeah.
I think in many ways, bullying,

Speaker 2 you know.

Speaker 2 Because those bullies that I grew up with, where are they?

Speaker 2 I fucking know where doing that. They're doing.
Doormen. You know what I mean? Careful.

Speaker 2 The bullies, I mean. Doormen is a good job.
Some people are good. Good job.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 You're saying where the bullies are is probably not where you are. That's a better way to say it.
No, they're doormen.

Speaker 2 Let's not attach a title to it. Right.
The people that are bullies are not.

Speaker 2 I don't know if I would have been a comedian if I didn't go through all the experiences that I've been. Thank God for bullies.

Speaker 2 I mean it. I mean it.
You think Stan Lee didn't get bullied? You think he was the cool guy?

Speaker 2 You think Stan Lee was walking out of class going, who's going to suck Stan Lee's dick between fourth and fifth period? Yeah. No, he probably got the shit beat out of me.
Because the inner voice,

Speaker 2 I will show you,

Speaker 2 one day I will show you. That's been playing through my head even as a kid.
Right.

Speaker 2 The danger right there is the one day I'll show you has to come from an honest talent point, not from one day I'll get a gun. I know.
That's some people. Elliot Rodgers did that.

Speaker 2 that, Elliot Rodgers did that, right? That's the thin line of bullying. Yeah, one day I'll show you I'll be successful versus one day I'll show you, I'll shoot up the school.

Speaker 2 Yeah, I'm saying in a positive way, I never thought one day I'm gonna slaughter everybody because I just knew inherently that killing another human being is fucking wrong. Yes, of course.
In any way.

Speaker 2 So in my head, I'm like, I didn't know if I was going to be a comedian or not.

Speaker 2 Right. But I just remember going, you know, and I remember struggling as a comic

Speaker 2 and like going, oh, I'm not making any money. Nobody likes me, whatever it might be.
But I remember that inner voice going, you got to keep going. Yeah.
You got to make this happen. Yeah.
Right.

Speaker 2 And I think that without that, I don't know. I could be wrong.
There's probably therapists watching right now going, you have it all wrong. You would have made it regardless.

Speaker 2 You know, but that thought has always been there. Yeah.

Speaker 2 It's still there. Yeah, but that it fuels your fire.
It fuels me. I'm a lazy, dumb piece of shit.
And people go, you're you're smart. But, you know, when I say dumb, I don't mean

Speaker 2 I have street smarts. And I'm a bright guy, you know, but I'm not like book smart.

Speaker 2 Yeah. You know, I've read some Dostoevsky in my lifestyle.
But you've never read a book. Yes, I have.
I read The Idiot. I read Notes from the Underground.

Speaker 2 I read Fear and Trembling by Kierkegaard. I like philosophical books.
Kierkegaard's great. Yeah.
You do like philosophical stuff? Yeah, I like Descartes. I

Speaker 2 read his meditations. Yeah.
So I do read things. Do you know who Yogananda is? Love him.
Had it three times.

Speaker 2 Delicious beverage.

Speaker 2 That's a good thing. I'll take one taro and one Yogananda, please.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 You should read Yogananda. I will.

Speaker 2 I'm not going to get into the depths of it, but have you ever heard of SRF? Do you know what that is? Self-realization fellowship?

Speaker 2 Okay, I won't get into it. You should look it up.
I know. I know.
Bobby's frustrated.

Speaker 2 Okay, first things first. Do we have to do more? We do.

Speaker 2 Oh, really?

Speaker 2 We have to do. We have to.
Yes, we have to thank somebody. Who?

Speaker 2 You know who.

Speaker 2 Thank you, Obama. No.

Speaker 2 Thank you, Jesus. No.

Speaker 2 Let me keep going. Let me just see.
Let me guess. Let me guess.
Okay. Well, you know.

Speaker 2 Thank you, Brian Ferry. No.
You know who Brian Ferry is? Brain Ferry? Brian Ferry. Don't know.
One of my favorite singers.

Speaker 2 Thank you, Tashira Muffoon. No.
I already told you who he is. I know who Tashira Muffoon is.
Who is it? It's the news.

Speaker 2 You don't listen to me. No.
Week by week.

Speaker 2 Who are we thinking?

Speaker 2 Thank you for being

Speaker 2 bad friend.