I Want To Be Ninja Returns!

You two are bad friends. Who are these two idiots? A white dude and an Asian dude.
You two are disgusting. You two are something.
We're bad friends. All of my love.
All of my love to you. And the keyboard part's the best.
Not that part. Not that part.
What did we talk about? I don't even know. But we're here.
Do you have an agenda in mind? Did you run out of gas? I didn't fucking. These fucking little ladies.
Hold on. Be nice.
These little ladies in the house. What happened? You guys used all the gas? No.
Over the last couple of weeks, Papa's haven't been driving. So we have one car in the house.
What happened? You guys used all the kids? Over the last couple of weeks, Papa's haven't been driving. We have one car in the house.
I give them the key. I go, go ahead.
Go to the thing. Go ahead.
The beach, whatever you want to go. Go be free.
Be free. But put the fucking gas in the car! Put gas back in the car, rude.
Because I get in the car and it blinks, blink, blink. It blinks.
I panic.

Do you guys not know how to put gas?

Do you know how to put gas in the car?

No.

No.

They don't know how to do it.

Oh, they don't know how to do it.

So what are you going to do?

They don't know how to do it.

You're right.

Learn!

I don't know.

Learn.

Learn to do it, you know.

Hi, poo-poo.

How's poo-poo?

Turn the cameras on.

They're on.

Oh, you're ready?

Oh, you're angry that we're late? No, I'm not angry you're late. Well, you know, I don't like deception.
This is what I don't like. Wait, that was deceiving? No, I'll tell you what was deceiving.
Hey, Bob. Yeah, Andrew.
Hold on, that's me. Sorry.
Tell the people it's me. Hey, Bob.
Hey, Bob. Hey, Bob.
Yeah, Andrew. Can we do Saturday? Then I have to call all my people, my assistant.
I don't have one, but I have to call. You didn't have to do anything different? No, I'm telling you what I had to do.
Okay. Call my agent, everyone.
Didn't have to do that. Talk to your agent, by the way.
My manager. They're dropping.
They're all dropping you. That's fine.
And we're all together. Conference call, Zoom, everything.
All right. All right.
Let's get back. What are we doing here? Saturday.
So drop Friday. Switch things around.
Yeah. Move everything around because you're a busy boy.
Just don't lie. I have a wedding to go to.
No. I said let's do Saturday.
Who's getting married? My friend Sean. Oh, Sean.
Yeah. You know Sean.
Sean who? I'm not saying his last name on the podcast. Is he a comedian? No.
Is he important? To me? Yeah. Yeah.
But to me? No. He's a good guy.
He's getting married. But that's why we had to switch.
I was like, we can do Saturday. Let's do Saturday.
Where's the wedding at? Here, dude. It's at his family's house.
You can't do it. You can't go anywhere.
I feel so bad. Yeah.
I feel so bad. I feel so bad.
But I also ask – it's a backyard wedding. It's going to be like a quick wedding.
Do people still bring rice? Do you bring – you know how they bring rice and you throw it in the air? It's good luck, right? Why are you looking at me like that? Why are you looking at me like that? We don't – we eat it. No, don't people bring rice to weddings? I'm Asian.
And you throw it in the air. We don't waste more rice.
Well, when it goes up the air, do you go, ah, ah, ah, ah, and you just catch it? No, no, no, no. We don't throw rice.
So you don't waste it, huh? We put it in our body. You don't ever waste rice? No.
It's a waste. Yeah.
There's so much rice. It's like me throwing pizzas at a wedding.
Really?

Yeah.

Uncooked rice versus-

Or you're Italian.

Pasta.

Yeah.

That would be dope.

Spaghetti dry.

Spaghetti.

Yeah.

Yeah?

A spaghetti wedding.

We don't throw rice.

Right, Jules?

I didn't say we.

I mean humans.

We eat them.

Humans still throw rice for weddings.

They do.

You know what it's for, right?

Why?

You know why you do that?

Do you know traditionally what that's for?

Why?

It's to cleanse the bride and the groom. Oh.
You know that? I always thought it was like, fuck Asians. It is.
I was trying to be nice. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
No, it really is. It is to cleanse the air? No, no, no.
No, it's because we're anti-Asian. That's what it was.
Yeah. No, but I'm going to go to a wedding.
I'm sorry we had to move the date. Thank you, Rudy, for being so mally by.
I know you guys have a lot going on. I love when people send me videos of Asian kids getting bullied by –

somebody sent me a video of black kids bullying Asian kids.

Where?

Here?

I don't know where.

But they sent – people said, well, look, look, look at this.

And so there's a bunch of –

Like to pit the Asians against African-Americans. It's like – But everybody bullies Asians.
That's what I'm saying. Yeah.
Yeah. You're kind of like – Yeah.
And also too, there is no problem. With bullying Asians? No, there's no – people are trying to incite this like, well, blacks and Asians, they don't get along.
There is no – we do get along. Yeah.
I haven't really, I've never heard that people say black and Asian don't get along. Well, during the riots and stuff, like back in the last one.
Yeah. What? They didn't get along then.
They didn't get along then. Well, but that was a different, there was a different time.
Times have changed. 92, um, times have changed.
But I'm, I, stop sending me that shit. are saying it's, you're not gonna, you're not gonna sway me one way or another.
Uh huh. You know? No, I agree.
Yeah. That's yeah.
I don't know why they're sending it to you in the first place. Well, I don't know what they're trying to do.
What? They're trying to get me like, get you all riled up. No, no.
Also just to get me on the other side of this position of what's going on in the country. What side do you think – what side they want you to be on? To get me like – I don't know.
To get me like not to like black people or something. I don't know.
What did you think of the last episode we did? Of our show here? No. Friends, the final episode.
Loved it. I loved it.
I thought Friends ended so well. People got mad about it.
I finally finished Normal People. Yeah.
Yeah. Do you like it? God, dude, I gotta tell ya.
Good? Here's what it is. The writing is so good.
When she gets into a fight, when... Don't tell me because I'm gonna watch it now.
Okay, but I'm just gonna say, when she gets in an argument with a guy that she's dating, Marianne, she gets in an argument, they both talk like I've spoken before.

Are you a man?

Both people talk like I've spoken.

I've gone, oh my God, I've said shit like that because you know how you really feel and you're not saying it.

And then the girl said stuff like that to me.

It's very real.

Are you a man?

Right?

It's so real the way that they say it. Are you a man? Am I a man? Yeah.
This month? Watch man shit. What's man shit? Is that a show? New? A new show? No.
On Spike TV. Man shit.
You want to see men poop for 48 days straight? We gotcha. Welcome back to Spike TV with your host, Bubba Bubba Bobby Lee.

Take it away.

Now host the show.

Hi, it's Bubba Lee.

Welcome back to Man Shit.

Want to watch man poop?

Okay, here they go.

Hey, what's up, Bub?

I'm 46.

I'm an app designer.

You watch the Kardashians too, my friend?

Do I watch the Kardashians?

Yeah.

This is scripted television that we like.

It's good script, well-acted television.

What do you watch?

Man up.

What the fuck do you watch, Bob?

Man shit.

Like Naked and Afraid.

Because you like seeing the dicks.

You want to catch an unblurred dick.

That's what you're looking for the whole time.

No, I just wanted to see if the editor fucked up.

I watch Naked and Afraid.

I watch XL.

Oh, I like the XL as well.

I love XL.

Yeah. Naked and Afraid.
Would you ever do it? Dude, if they offered you and I to do Naked and Afraid together, would you do it with me? It would be a three minute episode. Why? We'd go out there and we'd go, let's go.
There's no way we'd be able to do it. I could last.
You would not be able to last 21 days, I swear to God. I would last way longer than you.
I would rather die. I'd rather die out there than have you beat me.
Dude, I would beat you so fucking fast. You would have none of your vices.
No video games. No cigarettes.
Bro, you wouldn't have legs, bro. I would eat them.
I'm an athlete. It doesn't matter.
I would run right away from you. You little fucking roly-poly.
You could never catch me. I would research the poisons that they have there.
Okay. You'd be like, hey, are you going fishing?

Yeah, I'm going fishing, Andrew.

But I'm going out and getting leaves.

You think I would think you're going to go fishing?

You would make me make the hut?

Yeah.

Okay?

I'd build the hut and you'd just sleep all fucking day in the hut.

No, I wouldn't, man.

I would try to find poisons and I would grind it up behind a tree, right?

And then I would knock you out.

No, you wouldn't.

Yeah, and then you would have no legs the next day.

I would eat them.

Where would you research where to find poison?

Goo-goo.

Rudy, what do you think would happen if we did Naked and Afraid together?

If me and Tito Bob did Naked and Afraid.

Would we both get kicked out early?

You think we'd bail early?

I think Tito Bobby will be the first one.

To leave? Yeah. And then what would happen happen to me what I finished 21 days or no get closer to the mic I think you wouldn't that you would last long but you won't I won't finish so let me just get this straight Juliana let me get this right um you think that Tito Bobby would leave earlier than Tito Andrew you threw that out there okay good and I just absorbed that information and it's now in a file inside my head and I'm going to use that against you you're right? You're being ungrateful and you're wrong.

You have so much against her already.

What people don't realize about me is that, yes, you're more physically able than I am.

Fact.

Right?

Yeah.

You're more physically able than I am. Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah.

And then you probably have, I'll admit, you probably have more survival skills than Papa. Yeah.
You're more physically able than I am, right? Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.
And then you probably have – I'll admit you probably have more survival skills than Papa. Yeah.
Right. But what you don't realize is that – Have you ever camped? Have you ever camped once? One time I did when I was a kid.
Where did you go? I don't know. It was somewhere like in Yosemite or something.
But like not in Yosemite. It was like a town.
Near it. and then i remember my cousin andy and i woke up in the tent like at 5 30 in the morning and we looked out and my my uncle and my dad's tent gone what do you mean they packed up gone and so that mean andy we're, 10, 9, 10.
We're scared. Andy, the bears got them.
And around 9 a.m., we're just shivering in this tent. We wouldn't leave.
Scared. We see my dad's car roll up.
They slept in a hotel. So they made you think.
go okay You have fun?

They were like

Where were you?

Oh no

The holiday inn

We slept

It was too cold

It was too cold

And we were hungry

That's good

They made you men

They turned you into little men

And I go

I hate camping

That was it

Yeah

Will you camp with me?

I swear to God

You'll love it

I would camp with you

If it was vlogged

Or if we filmed it

We'll shoot it

It'll be so fun

You'll love camping

But I don't know to waste the camping with you. I need to be filmed.
Have you ever pooped outside? I poop outside now. Huh.
Yeah. You have bathrooms.
What? Have you ever pooped outside? I poop outside now. I pooed.
I'll tell you where I pooed last that's outside my house yeah in the back seat of my prius stop it in the car you still own not even in a bag all over the seats who's cleaned it did you clean it no yeah kalilah cleaned it why did you do that what do you mean why i had to go get out no i love that movie you pooped in the car i was on um where was i i was on the 101 it was traffic-y traffic-y you're right is that a word yeah a lot of traffic traffic he's found sounds more fun yeah it's traffic-y it was traffic-y and i have what i call um irritable bowel syndrome no i don that. Right? I have...
I gotta go now syndrome. It sounds like irritable...
I gotta go now syndrome. I think that's the same thing.
Yeah, I don't know. Yeah.
But that's what I have. Are your bowels irritable? No.
Do they get upset easily? But it comes on sudden, like... That's IBS.
Like 9-11. That's IBS.
It is? That's what irritable bowel syndrome... We're on 9--11, like you woke up, what's going on? Yeah, that's you.
Yeah, that's me. Except your pants are the buildings and shit is the plane.
So I'm on the 101 and it's traffic and I'm just listening, what was I listening to? I was listening to something good. You were listening to, oh, you were listening to Pat Benatar.
Yes. And I'm listening to Pat Benatar.
And all of a sudden, oh, I'm going to shit in the next 12 seconds. Your body just goes, oh, hey.
It wakes up. And so I'm now trying to.
Get off the 101? I get off the 101. Okay.
But now the hole – You're dilating. My star, my brown star, right? There's not a turtle head sticking out, right? Not a turtle head.
No? But sheer water, acid-y water. Yeah.
It's bubbling out. Yeah.
Yeah. It's about to erupt.
Yeah. It's bubbling out.
Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah.

It's about to erupt.

Yeah.

It's like the Hawaiian Islands before they were the Hawaiian Islands. It's a big one.

Yeah, it's Mount St. Helens.

It's waiting.

So then I go, oh, I got to just pull over right now.

I pull over right now.

I just stick my ass, right, from the driver's side, right, sit on it.

I pull down my pants, and I just spray. All over the back seat?, sit on it.
I pulled out my pants and I just spray into the backseat. Can you name some people that have ridden in the backseat of your car into the microphone right now? Just name off some people that you've driven around.
Whitney Cummings. Chris D'Elia.
Chris D'Elia has been in the backseat of your car. And then people are driving by.
Yeah. You know what I mean? And I'm like looking.
Is anybody honking? Is anybody like... No, because I did a clever thing.
Yeah. And I parked in back of one of those gigantic garbage things.
I don't know. We had a restaurant in the back.
Oh, in the back. Oh, the bin.
There was one on the side of the road. And there was a construction thing going on.
so there was a gigantic— You didn't just want to get out of the car and poop right next to one of the bins?

I couldn't even do that.

You couldn't have get—it was like, no, I can't get out.

I'm doing it now.

Yeah.

It was an emergency.

And then I pooed one time.

I had Korean barbecue with my girlfriend, and we did it.

We did one on 6th Street.

I want to say the place's name, but it's popular because it's cheaper, and it's all you can eat. 6th Street in Santa Monica? No, 6th Street in Koreatown.
Oh, Koreatown, downtown. And as soon as we got out of there, we're driving down Western.
Bubble guts. I pull over off of one of the streets in Western.
I ran to a man's house. And Kalei was like, what are you doing? And I sprayed On the side of his house Shit What do you And Kalilah's screaming at me What are you doing? What do you wipe with? Nothing You get pants up? Nature's breeze The air Yeah Nature's breeze Pants up, keep it moving Yeah Damn, Bob So I have like those 101 Luckily I've been quarantined And when I have those episodes.
You're right to the bathroom. I have three bathrooms.
I got to tell you something, dude. As your friend.
Yeah. And your therapist.
No, you're not. Go ahead.
You have IBS. I don't.
That's irritable bowel syndrome. I have to go now syndrome.
That's what it's called. That's what it used to be called.
Yeah. But out of respect, they wanted to change it a little bit.
Yeah. Ruth, have you ever pooped your pants? Yeah.
god so common yeah you've never pooped your pants one time in japan one time in japan there we go one time in japan i didn't technically poop my pants but a little and a little came out yeah and i had to run into a little convenience mart yeah and in japan it was it was i mean i'm not kidding yeah i'm not exaggerating two feet by two feet was the bathroom have you ever seen these?

like it's just

yeah

oh god

two feet by two feet

I had to

shimmy off my pants

and underwear and everything

as my back is like

touching the wall

and I have to

you know like

throw the poop underwear

in the garbage bin

and as I did it

I missed

just poop everywhere

poop all over the place

I mean it was

dude it was

it was a 20 minute nightmare

yeah

Let's go. Poop underwear in the garbage bin.
And as I did it, I missed poop everywhere. Poop all over the place.
I mean, dude, it was a 20-minute nightmare. It was the most—you know what's so funny about those things? It's embarrassing, but for no reason.
No one knew. I was the only one that knew.
When you pooped yourself, did people know or did just you know? Me. Yeah.
But you got embarrassed, right? When we do it, it's like nobody knows unless you tell people yeah what happened when you do it in my school not this school in the philippines in the middle of class yeah well because they wouldn't let you go to the bathroom you remember wait wait something yeah you shit your pants and you sat there the whole time kid loves algebra were you were you able to absorb any information after you did that? Yeah. Wait a minute.
How much longer do you think you sat? Like 20 minutes. Oh, that's so long.
That's hell on earth. That's so long.
20 minutes is like 20 hours. Yeah.
So you asked the teacher, can I go to the bathroom? And the teacher said no. Yeah, she said no.
Just wait. It's so fucking so could you have said wait i just shit my pants i got teacher wait i just did it i just shit my pants but she's so quiet that i believe that she wouldn't say anything 100 yeah you would ask one time politely and when they say no you wouldn't stand and go, Lady, I'm going to shit myself if you don't let me out of here.

What class was it? Do you remember? History. Yeah, well, those pants were history, too.
Yeah. Did anybody smell it? No.
No one said anything? Yeah. I think they smelled it, but they didn't say anything.
That's so nice. That's so nice.
That couldn't happen here. You know, my grandparents, you know, my mother grew up in the same house that my great-great-great-grandfather.
They lived in the same house. That's like five generations of house passed down? Yeah, like since the early 1800s.
Where is it now? It's gone. And I remember it was like this, you know, the walls are made out of rice paper, an ancient Korean-looking house.

And I remember as like a 12-year-old kid going to that house because we used to sleep there in my grandfather's room, right?

Just hard wood and dark floor.

Would you sleep on the floor?

Yeah, you have these mats.

Yeah, like yoga mats. Everyone sleeps together, right?

And I remember I had to take a shit as a kid, right?

And they go, okay, cool.

I went out there.

And you know, in Korea back then, it's a hole in the ground.

Sure.

A lot of places are still a hole in the ground.

So when you look, it's a gigantic hole.

And you could actually look down there.

And it's like, there's no sewage system, right?

No.

It's the earth. So I remember thinking, my great-great-great-grandfather's shit is deep in there.
Like, generations of my grandmother's urine. That's incredible.
And shit is in there. Great-great-grandpa's poo-poo is in the same place you- though that's cool that's cool thinking that is really cool

fuck ancestry.com

that's all you need to know

yeah that's all you need to know

it's gotta have a pool hole baby

yeah

so um

but thank god

we have a different

um

system here

we have toilets here

yeah thank god

did you have you ever been

to central america

i have yeah

costa rica

a lot of times

the pipes can't handle

so you have to

toilet paper can't go

in the toilet

you gotta put it in the

in the bin

oh

Now, let's just yours. I feel like have girthy Eric Griffin shit.

No, it's just yours.

I feel like yours are snaky.

They're long.

Yeah, yeah.

Okay, so yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

So yeah, yeah, yeah.

That's true.

I've had very, very thin.

They're thin and long, yeah.

They look like spaghetti.

But I just equate

that my butt hole's tight.

That's a good thing to have.

I have two holes.

You have a penis hole.

No, I have two butt holes.

You have two butt holes?

It was a birth defect, yeah.

Are you being serious right now?

No.

I know.

Yeah, I always thought to myself that God

that'd be cool if God would have kind of rearranged our systems. What would you want? The asshole at the bottom of the foot.
Because it's super far away from you? No, you could have shoes, right? So I would just imagine. Oh, poo shoes.
No, there's a shoe that opens up. The bottom, yeah.
Right? And you could still be out in the street talking to your friend. You stick your foot inside a street toilet.

Yeah, street hole.

It's a little hole.

Yeah.

And just, yeah, Jim, yeah, I'm going to work.

I'm just taking a shit right now.

But yeah, Francisca got pregnant.

Congratulations.

Or whatever.

And those conversations.

You'd talk right through it?

Yeah.

It'd go more like this.

If I'm pooping?

Yeah.

I'd log in.

I clicked, clicked.

I clacked in.

I'm like, hey, Bob.

What's up?

You know, so at 123030 I think I have to meet I have to meet those guys up in the room it would still feel good it would feel good it would still feel good and as a citizen knowing what you're doing right I would like go let's do that again right so what do you have to do at 1230 well I'm gonna have to go to the third floor because I think Micah has some paper and I would look away do you see how I just looked away that was so good timing I would look away the timing and then I'd go and I'd go back because I don't want to take away from your experience right that's so respectful it's so respectful I know the do you fart out of your foot still what are you gonna fart out of your eyeball of your eyeball? Funny. What if it was out of your nose? Oh, yeah, yeah.
That would be funny. What if your nose was like...
Excuse me. Do you piss out of your right foot? Is it one...
Do you still pee out of your pee-pee? Maybe your right foot pees. See, I think, yeah.
And your pee-pee should just be used for reproductive services. It's just a fuck thing.
It's just a fuck thing. Only cum.
Only cum. Only cum.
That's it. That's all it should be.
And maybe beer. Yeah.
Or whatever your beverage of your choice. Yeah.
One sack has cum, and then you can refill the other sack with a beverage of your choice. Yeah.
Or your partner's choice. And you can change the temperature of it, too.
Yeah. Like if Mike Kalilah likes a little Chardonnay.
Yeah. A little white wine in there.
Or Pinot No Wire.

You just put that in there.

You know what I mean?

For like Bert Kreischer, you know what I mean?

You would put beer.

Vodka.

Yeah.

And he would suck your dick.

If you could redesign.

He would suck your dick.

Don't spread rumors.

I'm not spreading.

I was kidding.

You want to talk about it?

No.

There's a big rumor going around. I don't even know about those rumors.
Bert Kreischer. No, no.
That's not what I talk about. All right.
I love kidding. You want to talk about it? No.
There's a big rumor going around.

I don't even know about those rumors.

Bert Kreischer.

No, no, no.

That's not what I talk about.

All right.

I love him.

Hey, if you honestly, I thought about this the other day.

If someone was like, hey, one thing, you get to choose one thing to change about your physical appearance.

That's it.

It can't manipulate other things.

You can't go this and also put this with it. One thing.
It's such a vague thing, though. One thing you got to change.
That's it. It can't manipulate other things.
You can't go this and also put this with it.

One thing.

That's such a vague thing though.

One thing you gotta change.

What is it?

Rudy, what is it for you?

What would be the one thing

you would change

physically about yourself?

Or do you love yourself wholly

and you wouldn't change anything?

No, I think my nose.

Your nose?

What's wrong with your nose?

I want it thinner.

Oh, stop that. Shut up.
You got a nice nose. Yeah, shut the fuck up.
No, that's the.... Your nose? What's wrong with your nose? I want it thinner.
Oh, stop that.

Shut up.

You got a nice nose.

Yeah, shut the fuck up.

No, that's the watching anime and her career dramas.

That is because they don't have noses.

But they all get operations.

But I know I've seen the cartoons.

They draw them so tiny and thin.

Why do they do that?

Is it because Japanese noses tend to be thinner?

Also, what boggles my mind is Japanese animators make the eyes so wide.

Yeah, they're always –

Yeah, and they have little gooky eyes.

You know what I mean?

They're drawing it, and I guess they're like, I don't like mine.

I want it like this.

You know what I mean?

And they make a big circle, right?

It's rebellion.

It's rebellion.

Because they're mad.

And then the dick, I want it like this.

And then they draw the dicks big.

Thank you. and they make a big circle, right? It's rebellion.
It's rebellion. Because they're mad.
And the dick, I want it like this! And they draw the dicks big. Why does it always blur? Why can't they show insertion in anime porn? Or in real Japanese porn.
You can't show it going in. I don't watch that.
I've preferred it. You don't know about this? I know what it is.
So why is it blurred? I saw a Japanese anime porn once that wasn't blurred. So you're getting like the PG – probably watching it in your hotel room.
Remember back in the day when you would go – Yeah. You weren't on the road back then.
No, I wasn't – no. But back in the day, like in the 90s, you would go on the road and go to a hotel.
And all the porn would be like blurred or – Oh, I remember scrambled porn.

I love scrambled porn.

Oh, where you would –

Yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

To a titty.

Do you ever rent movies in hotels?

Did you ever rent dirty movies?

I still do.

Why?

Oh, no, not since the internet.

Yeah, you're right.

I have my iPad, yeah.

But you have before.

Yeah, of course.

Often?

Dirty movies?

Every time I was on the road.

Never paid for them. Never – just the idea.
Why? I do it sometimes. Oh, VR.
I did the VR. Do you have it? Oh, yeah.
I want it. I have an Oculus.
Well, can I get one? Can I have it? It's the best. Is it really? Oh, my God.
It's like... I have a friend that has one.
He said it's changed his whole life. I had to stop.
I gave my brother one. He had to stop.
Because it was just too much. Addicted.
Yeah, because what they have now is you put it on and then they have the man's leg sticking so you can position your body. Like they're your legs? Like they're your legs, right? And then a girl will just walk in and go, hey.
Look at Rudy's face. Oh, yeah, yeah.
We're not going to go into detail.

We're not going to go into detail.

But your legs are sticking out.

Yeah.

And some girl walks in and goes, hey.

And then you, for some reason, go, what's up?

Because you're there.

You start talking to her.

What's up?

Nothing.

Yeah.

And then she starts taking off your clothes.

And you go, I will say, where's Kalilah? It's uncomfortable. Wait, wait a minute.
Is there choose your own adventure? Yeah, they're just different scenarios. But you can pick as you go along.
No, not at the time. That's what they need.
Oh, they will. They need to go, here's what I want next.
But then they'll do a thing where the girl will walk up to you and then her head will come and whisper stuff in your ear. Oh, that's so creepy.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then you're like, what is it? You know, the Joseph brothers are breaking up? What's going on? You don't know what the information is.
And you can just hear it in this side? Yeah, yeah. And you're like, sweetie.
Oh, that's so good. And already you're, the comic, oh, sorry.
Already the penile. Yeah, the penile gland.
Cavity glands, right? And the sperm secretions, right? Bubbling. Just like the Hawaiian Islands.
How much does this cost? Free. Pornhub.
The Oculus, I mean. The Oculus is probably $300, $400.
That's it? But they sold out. I got it right when the pandemic was starting.
So I bought two. I got one for my brother.
The games are fun, too, as well. The games are fun, too, as well.
Have you done the plank? Also, you know what I got to do? I got to bring my Oculus here and play the games. There's this thing called the Richie's Plank.
It's basically you go in an elevator, right? You press the button. Oh, I've seen this.
Yeah, and you go out on a plank and you jump off. Yeah, and people like fall into shit.
I mean, we have videos of her doing it. Screaming.
It's pretty scary. I want to do it.
Yeah, yeah, you'll love to do it. Wait, they have a bunch of different scenarios where you get into different- There's a bar fight.
I have a bar fight one where you have the sticks, right? You walk into a bar. Get into a fight? Yeah, and the guy's like, what are you doing here? Right? And you go, what's up? Right? And then you throw a bottle at him.
And he comes up to you. You start beating people up.
But then eventually, like, bigger people come in. It's pretty fun.
Is it kind of scary? Oh, it's pretty fun. And you start swinging.
Your depends on it. But here's what I'm saying.
Is the scenario the same every time? What do you mean? What's the story and scenarios with you? When you do it once, you can't do it again, right? Because then you've seen it before. Oh, the porn? No, no, no.
The bar fight. Stuff like that.
There's different... You go and there's a Western bar.
You just keep going into bars and getting into fights. Yeah, it's just a bar.
It's just bar fights. Yeah, yeah.
There's different kinds of bars. I'm thinking about it from a production standpoint, how many bars they had to film this fake fight scene in.
No, it's more video game-y. Yeah, yeah.
It's anime. No real people? It's not real.
Okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I love the idea of real dudes being like, what's up? And having to swing at a cameraman. Or did you have a friend that's like, an actor friend that's not doing well? Who's in it? Who's in it? Oh, there's Tom.
You know what I mean? He can yeah i mean he can't see i would fucking love that well i would too that would make me so happy to see someone i know sitting in the record going get him yeah there was a game called la noire you ever see the play that game la noire yeah i think rockstar made it yeah and you know nick yousup's in it no yeah his. What do you mean? They animated his face and his voice.
Really? Yeah, and you can't get to him until the end of the game. I think you can kill him.
You have to kill him. I think you can.
Yeah. So I didn't even like the game, but I just played it just so that I could get to him.
So you could kill him? Yeah. Did you talk to him about it? Oh, yeah.
I like – that game was fun because you could drive by the comedy store. That was kind of – they did that in GTA.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. And they called it like the chuckle fart factory.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. And it just said ha-ha-ha all over it.
Yeah, yeah. Somebody posted a clip – somebody posted a clip today of a GTA clip where a dude is just like getting into a fight with another dude and the cops are right there.
The cop car is right there. And they're just like punching each other, punching each other.
And it's like the moment a black guy comes in, then the cops get out of the car. Oh, wow.
They don't do anything until then. And the dude playing it looks at the camera and just goes, see? See? That's funny.
That's funny. Yeah.
How are you feeling now about this week? We did that that episode and now we got a lot of comments a lot of positive ones as well we spoke our mind I said the things I wanted to say you said what you said you wanted to say and I don't know I'm not going to fucking listen to hate I don't fucking give a shit I remember I called you and I was just a little paranoid about it. You were.
I'm a completely changed man. Yeah, I can feel that.
The energy is significantly different. Yeah, I don't care now.
I genuinely don't care how people feel about how I feel about things. Yeah, you believe what you believe.
And I also believe I'm right. Yes, that's fine.
That's what I'm saying. Like universally right.
Sure. Yeah.
I'm not here to debate you. We're talking about human beings here.
Yeah. And I'm going to fight the right for human beings to exist.
Yeah. And to be treated equally.
Yeah. That's all.
And also I have to admit, Seth Rogen really kind of got me. He made me laugh.
He was trolling people that wrote All Lives Matter on Twitter and just writing, fuck you. And don't watch my movies.
Yeah, don't watch my movie. Honestly, I want to be honest about Seth.
Yeah. That inspired me.
Yeah. Because I'm like, oh, because he's on the right side of history.
So he knows that think and he's like at this point we're talking about you know people's lives so i think you can you can do that here's what i would say i agree with you i liked what he said i think it's funny whether or not you disagree with seth and do you think he's on the wrong side of history the right of history, what I really love about that regardless is he's sticking to his brand. He's going, no, no, no.
This is how I feel. If you don't want to agree with me, fine.
Don't watch my shit. That's what inspired you to be like, fuck it.
I'm going to feel the way I feel. It doesn't matter that people aren't going to agree with you.
Just feel the way you fucking feel. Let me just dial back a little bit.
Yeah. Back in the day when the first African-American girl was integrated into a white school, there were probably people there saying that that girl and the people that support her are on the wrong side of history.
But she's not. Right Luther King isn't the wrong – there's only one side that's the right side of history.
Look at history. What I'm saying to you is – No, no, no.
What I'm saying to you is – You're right. I'm tired.
No. About your opinion.
No, no. That's not an opinion.
Okay. It is your opinion.
I understand that. People have other opinions.
opinions they can have them too but those events in our near history yeah is the right side of history yes fighting for people's rights yes is the right side of history i completely agree okay that's all i'm saying yeah you know i agree i'm saying people are going to disagree with us that's fucking nature i'm I'm going to stick with how I feel. I don't fucking care.
And I'm probably going to get fucking kicked off Twitter. I didn't know you couldn't say cunt.
I called Laura Ingram a cunt. Yeah.
Can I introduce you to somebody? Here, we got to go. I have my glasses on.
Hold on. Okay.
Okay, Bob. So a couple weeks ago, we talked about someone who made a song on the internet.
I want to be ninja. It's from a while ago.
I want to chop, chop, chop, chop down. Take chop down to Chinatown.
It popped back up in my feed somehow on YouTube. I learned to chop your heart.
fight with credit card i use my num chucks even while feeding ducks probably because of this podcast and uh she reached out to us and she wanted to come on the show i throw my ninja star oh so very far i do karate moves with a go-go and we said okay let's talk let's come on the show because she said she wants to explain her position and all that stuff. So ladies and gentlemen, without further ado, Jen Murphy.
Jen Murphy. Jennifer Murphy.
Hi. Jen, I want to say this.
I think the song is extremely catchy. Yeah.
Right?

If I was at your party, I probably would have danced.

Right?

Because usually when I listen to music

though, I don't really listen to the lyrics really.

Right. I just like the tone of it.

Right. So I like the tone of it.

You know, and I liked it. If you heard the lyrics,

would you stop dancing and go, wait, wait a second.

What was that? I would just be like,

am I at a Klan rally? No, I'm kidding but um i know that the song is cute and um yeah i think if i was your friend and i knew you and we were at the party i don't think that i would have been offended at all well there was a young asian woman there that she says she's close friends with yes who's uh chinese you said she said she's Chinese. You told me, right.
Right. Right.
And she supports the song, huh? I did not know her yet the night of the party. She came with a friend of mine.
I had about five or six Asian friends there, but I don't usually count how many of which ethnicity. I have lots of friends of all types.
I'm founder of Go Girl Worldwide to empower girls and women. So I have a very diverse group of friends and business partners and women that come to my events.
So it never even registered that I better make sure I have enough Asians in the background when I do my ninja song. Most of my friends know I'm a YouTuber.
I drive a kid's Barbie Jeep and I'm self-deprecating and I'm just a big dork and I'm a comedian. So I thought, you know, I've been working on this ninja song.
It's pretty cool. And I'm launching my Murphy Bed store.
Why don't I just do my latest song? And so my Murphy Bed partners were like, well, how does it tie in? And I said, well, the first line I shut my Murphy bed. They're like, okay, if you really want to do it.
So that was the first time I ever performed my Ninja song. I obviously went all out and it did strike me.
I had started performing the song and I'm like, Oh, she's, she's Asian and she's right here and she was fine.

And she doesn't know me and she doesn't know my YouTube videos.

And I didn't even realize she,

she didn't really even know English at the time. So,

you know, I felt bad, but I was already, you know,

That's the funniest thing, Jen.

That's the funniest thing I've ever heard. She didn't speak English? Was she trapped there? What is it? Why was she there? What if it was day two of her being in America? No, that was, yeah.
You know, she was just totally emerged into, you know, Orange County at that moment in time. Right.
I got myself into. It's a weird place to land.
It's interesting how life works. And I did get to know her.
And she's a total sweetheart. She's come to some of my Go Girl events.
Does she speak English now? She does. It's been about five years.
She speaks much better English. She's helped me with mine and Jack.
Okay. So let us ask you some questions.

Let's break this up.

Let's ask some questions.

Oh, it's so funny.

So, okay.

Let's start with this.

The partners of the Murphy thing, when you did it, you said, I want to do a song.

And they said, okay, well, what does that have to do with Murphy beds?

And you said, well, I talk about a bed in the first five seconds, right? But after that, it has nothing to do with beds, right? Well, you know, I— What is it about? I don't understand. It's about—who's Chow? Yeah, yeah.
What is the song about? Maybe we have to— Okay. Yeah.
There is a backstory, and it is funny because a lot of people want to just assume I'm an Asian hater or a racist or what the heck is this song all about?

And there is a rhyme or reason to it, but it takes a little explaining.

So I'm friends with a guy named Peter and he likes to impersonate Mr.

Chow on the hangover.

He kind of looks like him and he can do that accent that Ken does in the

movie. And so he said, Jen, I want to be in one of your YouTube videos.
I'd love to do that. Let's collab.
And so I started thinking about it and how could I work them in. And then one of my clients that I, I make videos for companies and we try and make them viral videos.
And this company said, Hey, we want you to do something where you are doing like a saga thing with like a villain and it's you versus him and I'm like hmm hey maybe Chow could be like a ninja in this and so that kind of got my wheels spinning and then he was all about it we started filming this and then I thought oh a song would be really cool and then he steals my Barbie Jeep and then we're like at it but at the very end we make up and we become friends and so as i started writing this song i thought you know part of my blonde persona that i uh that i you know have in my youtube character and i try and be self-deprecating and act like i'm a db blonde and um and so i thought well part of me thinking i'm becoming a ninja is assuming his accent, like trying to sound like him, too. And I thought, OK, it would be kind of funny.
I want to, you know. And so we're in the recording studio.
And my sister, Juliana, she helped me with a lot of my projects. Dennis, my producer's there.
And we had a few other people. You know, I don't think we had an Asian in the mix, which probably would have been a good idea.
I think I safe to say there's no way there was an Asian in the mix. I think if there was one Asian, I bet they would have gone.
I don't know. Do you think in retrospect, you think in retrospect, you wouldn't have done the accent? You think in retrospect, you wouldn't have done the accent? No, you know what? You're.
Actually, a lot of Asian friends, and they all think it's funny, but they also know where I'm coming from. Yeah, okay.
You know what? Listen, I've now listened to your point of view. I know the journey now to the song.
Yeah. Right? You're also a comedian, which I didn't know.
I literally didn't know anything about you in the video, so I just thought you were just this. When you do you mean you mean you do comedic videos online she does she's comedian she does youtube videos like probably 300 funny youtube videos i drive a kid's barbie deep i act like it's my real car okay i write lots of different songs with the usually with the message of in fact i have my sun chart right here this is all of the different ways that i try and jenna's on a mission to ignite joy spread smiles and empower yeah yeah okay that's my gut world stuff and so i'm a goofball and i make fun of myself and in this case scenario you know i was making my fun of myself for being a blonde thinking i had to sound like him and i do remember being in the recording studio saying, wait, that could maybe that where I say like on the big screen, I go, let's not do screen.
Let's just say screen. Cause it sounds a little like.
Keep the accent, lose the alliteration. I actually pulled back.
I pulled back a little here and there because I would never want to hurt somebody. You know, that was the last thing.
Do you think, do you think perhaps it's, do you think in retrospect being genuine, I'm not attacking you. Do you think it is a little bit insensitive? I, you know what, I think if you see it in the, with the context and, and what is you, I have a lot of people I've run it by because I don't want to make a mistake, you know, moving forward, especially right now.
Yeah. But I do think that I'm so goofy and I'm clearly making fun of myself.
I actually, I, I adore all people, but I especially have a thing for, for Asians because my first inspiration to do YouTube videos was Ryan Higa back, you know, Niga Higa, that channel and back about like 12 years ago. And I thought, and one of his first videos was how to, uh, how to be ninja.
And I thought it was so great. I've always loved ninjas.
And so for me, like, you know, and I went to China, but Jen, but Jen, he's hold on. He's, um, he's Asian.
Yeah. But you know what? Come on.
You guys make fun of all. We do..
We do. We do.
I want to defend her. Can I defend Jen? You can.
I want to defend her. Okay.
Yeah, you can. Thanks, Bobby.
You're welcome. You were a little rough on me, but I don't blame you because you didn't know.
I was rough on you? Well, you said, this girl, she's a rich orange county. She can't climb a tree where it's, you know, I grew up in Oregon.
Well, I think I probably was mean, I think I probably was meaner. I don't remember.
Okay, I want to say, though, that I, number one, I thought you were just some drunk girl at a party who wrote the song 10 minutes before, right? You performed it. And then I didn't know anything about you.
So when you watch it in that context, you go, wow. Yeah.
And also, you know, I've seen not you specifically, but, you know, I've been to Orange County. And, you know, I get a lot of shallowness.
It's a very conservative area. Yeah.
Ir right? They're more right-wing. That's probably in California the most right-wing area, right? Yeah, probably southern.
And then when I see the scope of the audience because I have eyes, right? It's one Asian girl and generally mostly white people. It's all white people.
And you're singing this ninja song. Yeah, I think I was a little offended when I saw it.
But now when I know that, you know, that they, that you're a comedian, right? And you do comedic videos. And that I think that I give you more of a pass, you know? I'm not going to give you the pass.
Bobby can give you the pass. I'm taking the pass away.
Now you can't do it. Well, here's my thing.
I understand what you, I think I understand what you think the intent was, but I just think it's, um, you know, Ryan does that stuff. Cause he's Asian.
We can, it's easier for us to make fun of ourselves, but you saying ninja making fun of myself being a blonde, but you're, but you're doing, but when doing an, an, an, a, a stereotypical Asian accent. You're making fun of myself being a blonde.
But when doing a stereotypical Asian accent, you're making fun of... Because I'm trying to do this with my body.
Right. Right.
Right. It's a teetering.
Well, let me show you something real quick, Jen. You sent me this one.
Let's watch this. Watch this.
There's a video. Jen never...
No one's ever seen this. Jen sent me this and this is her.
She actually went to,

she went to, where did you go? These are just random clips. I haven't edited it completely.

All right. Let's take a, let's take a look at this.
It's just a montage of footage.

How to throw a ninja star. How to hit ours okay is this an orange county what's the color of the county yeah that was uh laguna beach laguna and then at some point at some point you do go to where do you where do you go in this video i went to china oh okay you went to china this is are you performing here in the street? Yeah.
Now, what were you doing? Your song? I was just getting clips, you know, seeing what kind of... And they loved me, and they were so sweet.
Everyone wanted a photo, and they especially loved when I had my ninja. Ninjas are from Japan.
They are Japanese. I know, but that's another part of my blonde character it

rhymes all right okay and then i'm thinking well they're from japan but it's kind of funny that my you know i think and i knew that would you know what sometimes as comedians we kind of push the envelope a little bit right we sure do and then this is um and then this is you again you're in This is still in China.

Probably.

Yeah.

And then you're you again. This is still in China?

Probably.

Yeah.

And then you're at a temple.

And this is money on the street.

Did you get donations for something or was that a bit? I got tips.

When I play my tiny guitar, I often get tips.

Oh, wow.

And then you're...

And then... Hel helping someone lift stuff yeah so i had a lot of fun when i was there um look at that old perverted asian man look at yeah yeah he's not looking at her back of her head i'll tell you that right now so what i will say um is that when i performed the song at my murky bed party it was more for me to just perform it because i wanted to it was new and then i planned to do the music video yeah but then I thought let me just test it out see what my followers on YouTube think of the song I put it on my YouTube channel kind of forgot about it for a couple of months and then um and a guy named angry Asian man who's a blogger on Reddit I know him okay I personally know him he took a screenshot of me with the girl behind me and then did a write-up and said you know racist white woman and it got a ton of people jumping on it but he actually didn't call me a racist he said at the end of it i don't think she's actually a racist but but the title and then everyone jumped on it but you know i wish i wouldn't have posted me performing it at the party out of context that and you know i, I didn't think it would go viral.
I thought once I music video, it puts it in context. People will understand my humor and I'm making fun of myself.
Jen, here's the thing, okay, is I don't think I have a problem with the song or now I'm thinking back. Now I have an opinion now.
Okay. or the context of the song or now i'm thinking back now i have an opinion now okay um or or the context of the song or the lyrics i don't have a problem with the rhyme or even the musical background i think i have the problem with the accent right and the problem with it is is that growing up as a kid right white people that look like you not you you specifically, and I have a lot of white friends, would come up to me and they would do this and they would do the accent to my face and then they would throw a rock at my head and they would bully me.
And I think when you see white people now in 2020, whenever that was filmed – It was a while ago, right? How many years ago? Seven? Four and a half, five years ago. Four and a half, five years ago, right? It gives me, you know, it really does give me PTSD, right? And I don't think that you're a racist.
I just don't think that you were mindful and being really aware and conscious, you know, and you didn't really think it through. Yeah.
So, you know, I think that from now on- But I was teased as a little girl. I understand.
There is things. Yeah.
It's a little different. It's a little different.
Not really. I mean, I don't know who I am.
But Jen, you still. I grew up without anything.
Yeah, but even if you grew up poor and you grew up. I was from school.
Right, right. I was teased for a lot of different reasons.
Yeah, yeah. Yeah.
yeah i'm just saying there are a lot of jokes people do and i could go well i take offense that i take offense that why can't you guys do jokes about people with different accents and bobby i saw a clip of you on stage and you were talking about hey so why do they have to look for ninjas when they come through security tsa the ninjas they just oh they go in and they're on the you know in the they're already in the play you you switched over to that type of an accent and so that's because i'm asian though he's asian you know what that's i don't that i don't it's i know but it's like you know i don't say the n-word in front of a ever and from a black especially, but black people say to each other because they have a pass. Right.
Could you ever like a Valley girl? Like, you know, people are the. Yeah, because Valley girls have never had suffered oppression.
There's never been like an oppressive moment of Valley girls that weren't given opportunities or weren't given. Look, no no one no i have a comedian like you i need to be able to i need to be able to make fun of everything but without a mean spirit yeah but you just but here's the thing when when you say like we don't like we all we oftentimes make off-color jokes or or uh or you know we we talk we we talk a lot of dumb, but context means almost everything as a comedian.
So like the way we do it or the subject involved, it matters a lot. So when you say like, Oh, I should be able to do an act Asian accent.
It's like, yeah, sure. I guess.
I mean, you just have to understand context is going to mean everything. So the way it's received is going to be contextual.
So no one knows how you really feel. They're going to take at face value.
People know how we feel on this show. That's why we talk so freely.
But people, you know, people that do know me or that follow me, they understand who I am. You know, if you look up the work I've done for the last 12 years, I have given my heart and soul.
Any money I make in business, I put right back into everything to help unify women and people.

Jenny, we're not saying that you're a bad person.

We think that you're a good person.

I'm not saying that I don't, I'm not even calling you a racist.

I just feel like because I'm white and blonde, I, because I'm white and blonde,

I am such a different, I'm putting a box.

And so if I can't do a funny Asian accent know so if i can't do a funny asian accent what i can't do a funny hispanic accent i can't do you think do you think you're not allowed to do accents because you're a because you're a blonde white woman you think it's almost you you think that's why that's the reason why well why can other comedians do accents and it's okay um it really depends on who's doing the accent and what's the context behind it. Right.
Like, you know, I think that's more of it than anything. It's not like a pity party.
It's like, I can't do something cause I'm blonde. It's not because you're blonde.
It's, it's gotta be context, right? It's everything got asked to have some sort of contextual message to it. But for you, you just want to be, you just, you know, goofy blonde, right? Like, you know, Well, Jen, you say you play the character of a goofy blonde, right? Are you a goofy blonde in real life? Who's who? I'm a goofy blonde with a brain.
I kind of take my own real personality and then I heighten it. I'm a little clumsy.
So in my videos, I'm super clumsy. But I'm very intelligent.
You know, I was on The Apprentice of Donald Trump. I, but I, because I want to break the ice and, you know, get through to people, I do a self-deprecating thing.
Even at my seminars and things, I try and laugh at myself and I try and make light at things. And I drive to Barbie.
I think that's always key. I drive down the damn road and I get pulled over by cops.
Why it gets some views and it makes people laugh, that's something that I'm really glad you guys had me on your show because you could have said, nah, let's just let it be. You guys have given me a chance to say who I am.
And I really appreciate that. And I see you guys love what you do.
You're both really good. You're really fun.
And we need that that right now we need positivity well jen let me let me say this to you i appreciate we appreciate you but let me say this um when you say self-deprecating you got to be self-deprecating do you know what i mean like if you're saying if i'm being self-deprecating i can't if i'm being self-deprecating about me being a redheadhead, I can't be a redhead making fun of – I can't make fun of being a redhead but then do an Asian accent. Do you know what I mean? Because I'm not Asian.
So if I'm doing self-deprecation, I'd have to go, hey, I'm just a dumb ginger. I can't go, oh, I'm a dumb ginger.
I mean it would – that's not the same thing. So you can't – if you're going to make fun of yourself for being a dumb blonde, you got to just be, make fun of yourself for being a dumb blonde.
I want to be ninja. We appreciate you coming to speak your, speak your piece.
I will say this. You keep thriving.
Keep doing your thing. Don't read comments.
I try not. Because they're going to like you.
Because we get comments all the time. We get ripped apart.
Jen, I'm a good person. I just, you know, this is just a suggestion.
Maybe not do the accent. No more Ninja.
How about No More Ninja? Write a new song, maybe. No more Ninja.
Write a new song, Jen. How about this? We'll help you write a song called, how about we'll write a song called Goofy Dumb Blonde and we'll write it with you.
And then we can. I'm serious.

We'll do a song called. We'll do it.
We'll do it. Like collab.
Like collab. If you want to do.
We'll do a collab called, you know, something like a Orange County Blonde or something like that. We both wear blonde wigs and get into that, you know.
Yes. All right, Jen.
We appreciate you very much, Jen. You have a great rest of the day.
Oh my god, this is so...

This is so... Did you hear me? Did you hear me? We're off.
We're offline. She's so tone deaf that I got to the point where I was just like, we just.
You were very nice. I was.
Wasn't he exceptionally nice? You were very nice. Because once I realized...
You made me hold my tongue. Once I realized, right, that we're dealing...
I've dealt with people like that. Right.
She's tone deaf. Yeah.
And when she tried to equate her childhood to my childhood... Same thing.
She grew up in Oregon. I know, but...
People used to make fun of her in oregon they used to say look at you i know girl yeah here's the thing she's she's gonna watch the episode she's gonna see um yeah uh i will stand by my point very obviously i think people that know me would obviously know that I did very good I did very good at being nice and calm what did not get mean I know you were saying slow down because I wasn't going to be mean three minutes in I wanted to get out I know me too three minutes in I go oh my energy was like I'm out right so then I was just playing nice because I don I go, oh, I know. I could feel your energy.
Yeah, my energy was like, I'm out. Yeah.
Right? Yeah. So then I was just playing nice.
Yeah. Because I don't want to also, you know, I think that she is, in her heart, not a bad person.
Of course she's probably not. She's a great person.
She just doesn't have the, she doesn't have the, she doesn't have any social context to why any Asian friend who's a real Asian friend would go don't do that any Asian friend would go that's not okay you can't you know what I mean yeah yeah yeah yeah I mean dude we're talking to each other here and also what made me laugh was like that Asian chick didn't know English and it's so funny the fact that when she went to school, probably her first words that she learned was, you are a racist. Those are the first words she probably learned.
So that she could tell her that. Oh, she's out bombing it, this is it.
Yeah, and she probably said that. Oh, my God.
What do you think, Rudy? Let's hear a Rudy's opinion i always like to hear what rudy has to say i mean people know what we're what we feel about it i don't hate the woman i think it's just very she it's just it's just tone deaf it's just very it's very um especially she's an attractive white very white right she has money you can see from you know the backdrop you know i mean she's right not struggling even if she doesn't the point is like no I'm just you know and she has every right to defend her point of view sure that's why we let her do it and I don't think that we have to persecute her I think that people's opinion I think she's been persecuted by the internet well I think if this comes out yeah out, this is going to be very difficult for her. It's coming out.
I know it is. I know.
So that's why I don't think that we needed to really do much. I didn't need to be.
We don't want to be mean. People will have their opinions.
But she also might get a lot of followers. Here's the thing.
I'm sure she's not a bad person. I think she just – when we live – this is something I talked about with a friend.

When we live in a certain area and we don't get to like leave an area, your views of almost everything will be kind of singular because no one is telling you – you don't have one person going, hey, you know what else is different than that that I feel? When nobody says that, then you kind of don't have any opposing views. I also have to say that, yes, I've seen Chris D'Elia do accents from a different land.
I've seen you do accents from a different land. Yeah.
Right? Yeah. But it's context.
It's not only that. It's funny.
You know what I mean? It has to be tied into a really strong punchline and there's got to be a point to it. Yeah, no, that's what I kept trying to explain to her.
Right, because you, I've seen you, you know, be very supportive of Hispanics, for instance. Yeah, I talk about how much I love fucking Mexican people.
Yeah, yeah, that's- I love Mexican people. That's the foundation of the bit, right? And then when you do accents, you know, it's funny because we get what the context is right because the context is i'm supporting a group right this isn't supporting a group it's just joking about the group she's just doing the accent right so i think that's the problem well i and it's hard to explain the word context but context and comedy is everything yeah it's literally it's it's hard to explain that like, I did, I did a whole bit about, and there's a true story.
When I was in Costa Rica, I saw Costa Ricans hate people from Panama. South coast.
It's, it's a, they violently hate each other. They fight each other all the time.
I watched a guy getting his fucking face kicked in by two guys. Yeah.
And I asked the guy that was with us, I said, dude, what the fuck is going on? Like right outside of this hotel. And he goes, and I did the accent when I do the bit.
I say, nah, he says, this guy, he says, where are you from? He says, no, where are you from? And he says, Pennymore, motherfucker. And that was it for him, you know, he fucked him up.
And his friend come, he said, he's from Pennymore. They fucked him up bad.
And I tell the joke in the accent because I'm giving context of what's going on. Right.
I'm not making fun of. That's what happened.
Right. That's literally what happened.
And also, let me say this. She brought up my ninja joke, which I haven't done in 18 years.
I don't even know what joke that is. I know.
You don't know. I did it on The Tonight Show.
And after I did it then, I just never did it again. But yeah, but you're Asian.

Not only that, am I Asian?

I say one thing.

Yeah.

You cannot see me.

That's all I say.

Right.

But it's in the context of that's the last line of a three-minute bit.

Yeah.

Right?

So she doesn't – oh, my God.

For her to bring that up.

It was interesting. No, it's not interesting.
It's just that I can do the fucking accent I'm fucking Asian right she says she doesn't stand by that what do you think rude oh my god I start sweating I want to hear it um I think she's a good person but then I don't know her going to China and saying that it's i mean going to china and doing the ninja thing doing the ninja stuff is really not really funny no it's not well that's kind of fucking crazy yeah i mean oh my god is she doing she's performing she was performing uh I mean this this was this was very look

and it's funny

because people would say

that like let's just remove the word racist because people like to throw around the word racist a lot right you know like i said to her i said it's just extremely deaf it's very insensitive it's very like you don't understand that like none of these people are going to come up to you and go, hey, this is fucked up. Don't do that.
They wouldn't sound like that. Go ahead.
None of these. Do the fucking accent.
It's in context. None of these people are going to come up to you and go, excuse me.
We have fun. No, do it.
Finish it. Finish it.
Finish it. I'll give you the go ahead.
I'm Asian. Go ahead.
What you do is wrong, racist white lady. Okay.
Oh, God. Yeah, no one's going to say that.
Yeah. Because they're fucking, because you're a white American girl who they're – right? Isn't that the – it's like girls – they're not going to say anything.
They're going to go let that crazy white American girl do it. This is what I expected from her.
You guys, I just – looking back at doing that video. I thought so too.
It was so insensitive that I did that. I'm so sorry.
Yeah, no. And I started an organization to – Called No More Asian Accents.
No More Asian Accents or whatever it might be, right? I thought that was – I didn't think she was going to come here and just defend that point of view. She went ham.
She went ham on us. Rudy said the right thing.
I'm sure she's not a bad person at all. I think people have good hearts, but did it piss you off a little bit? Yeah.
Yeah. She did The Apprentice with she said that and she and uh there was a whole like cnn thing a while when he was running that uh he kissed her and she was like i wasn't offended by it like he just kissed her by the elevator oh we should have asked i didn't want to get into the depths of trump no we should ask who she supports i can order what are you talking about she did i just told you yeah jennifer let's see if we can pull this up jennifer murphy trump kiss i've seen the clip before yeah here it is here you want to see this oh that's her yeah you want to see this she went on cnn and talked about not being offended this is when trump was running that is her sure is sound like my dad sure is yeah let's's only a minute long.
But but can you tell us that the kiss itself happened at Trump Tower at some point? You know, so this is something that frustrates me about the media and journalism. I mentioned at one point, yes, he kissed me on the lips, but that's what they want to focus on.
It was a small kiss. It was after he had fired me on the apprentice, he called me the next day and said, I still want to give you an opportunity to work for me.
I was very impressed with you. So after several meetings and getting to know him more, he walked me to the elevator at one point and he did reach in and give me a little kiss.
And I was a little surprised, but I wasn't offended and I could have turned away. And I really think that we need to take these incidents into account and make sure that we don't let the media spin anything out of control and put words in our mouth.
And that's why I'm excited for the opportunity to speak from my heart. You show me this video before she comes on.
I wanted to show it. No, no, no.
You show it before. Why don't you show me this before she comes on? Because I knew the reaction was going to be different.
That's very clever of you. Yeah.
Because then it would have been a completely different interview. Now we put it into context.
All right, people. Burn her alive.
I'm kidding. I'm kidding.
No, it's so hot in here it is very hot wow that whole thing was you know it was a cosmic experience for me thank you I feel like you I wanted you to have it like that but can I tell you why honestly I know you well enough to know how you react to things.

Yeah. And lately shit's been weird and wild.

Okay?

And I want to say this.

How you reacted was impressive because I thought you were going to be a little bit more blunt.

And what proves to me is you're a really good person and you don't like hurting people. You don't.
You know that. And you just, you always usually, you usually take the right steps.
You almost always take the right steps, Bob. Yeah.
No, you really do. You're really a good person.
Just because you disagree with her and you don't like her and both of us don't agree with what she does you don't um feel like uh you need to yell at somebody and and make them feel awful because it doesn't earn you anything but because we made fun of her for two episodes i'm shameful though huh i have a feeling of let's just be real here go ahead there is a feeling of shame when she was on that i didn't go after her more and the reason why is because i've been conditioned yeah through my life is just to let white people act the way they do and um well i mean i stood up for you i know you stood up for me because i knew that my white friends would well because i don't like it i i know i don't like it either but i i even checked myself and i'm now thinking about how i behave just now right and. And because of all the things that are going on in the world, I'd have to change that about myself.
Yeah, maybe we just learned a good lesson. I don't defend myself.
When a cop pulls me over, I'm very shy. I'm sorry, officer.
And I let people talk to me in a certain way. And just because I think I kind of subconsciously know the white rules.
You know the white rules. Yeah.
And there's a bit of shame that comes along with that. Right.
And I think a lot of Asians are that way. We want to stay quiet and we don't want to be seen.
Well, that's why I just said I'm not I wasn't joking around. That's why no one in that square said anything to her.
Right. Because I think that now I'm no longer to be like that.
You should voice your fucking opinion. I'm tired of it.
Yeah, good. Voice your opinion.
I think it's coming out in certain different ways. And it comes out vocally around my girlfriend at home.
I'll just say things, you know, like, fuck that. I'll rage out.
Yeah. But then when I'm in society, I know this matrix-y kind of this rule, or this world that was built around me, and I have to kind of live amongst it.
And navigate through it. And I think that doesn't do me any service.
I don't think it does people that look like me any service. And I'm, quite frankly, tired of quiet Asians.
Speak the fuck up. Yeah, I'm tired of don't, I mean, rock the boat.
You know, we're doing great in this country. Right.
Let's not state our opinions. I'm tired of all that.
And because I am somebody that really, truly believes in certain things that I don't want to say right now, you know? Yeah. And yeah, so that whole thing with Britney.
What's her name? Jen. Jen.
To me, she looks like a Brittany. Yeah.
You know, the whole thing with Jen was actually a cathartic experience. Is that the right word? Yeah, that's it.
Yeah, yeah. I was blindsided by it.
I kind of wanted to see how that was going to work out. Yeah, I was in awe of her.
In a negative way. Well, here's

what I'll say. I know what you're saying.

Just the aloof. She doesn't

get it. Yeah, doesn't get it.

Oh my God. I couldn't

believe it.

And I kept looking at Jules going, let's cut it off.

Right? And then Jules kept going,

she can see you.

Right?

Wow, what a... Well, here's what I've learned from situations like this.
I knew I wanted to say more. I did too.
Yeah, I did too. But also I know that I'm not going to change her mind.
And it's not going to be a good back and forth if I just belittle someone on our show. I'd rather have her speak her piece and let everyone figure it out on their own.
I also didn't want to be a comedy elitist. I am.
I know you are. When she said comedian, I understand that.
The same thing happens with me whereas I go, don't be a comedy elitist because I don't like it when it happens to me. There are – there's a hierarchy above me.

Yeah, but you're a literal comedian.

Yeah, I understand that.

I'm a legitimate comedian.

Big difference.

I know, but you can't just say that. Hey, big difference.

Because it's every –

And you can just say that.

I understand that you said it and you can say it.

But just listen for a second.

Okay.

That just because you're not passed at the comedy store or any of these clubs then you're not a comedian I know I know what you mean or the seller there's comedians that aren't just stand-ups right right there are different types of comedians sketch improv yeah yes you know I mean if you're in sketch in my comedy elite mind yeah is are you in the Friday Saturday company at the Groundlings?

Because if you are, then you're like – or you're just a Sunday company.

Or even if you're taking a course there, I'd be like, yeah, you're legitimate.

Or you're at UCB or Second City or wherever it might be.

You could call yourself a comedian, right?

If you do YouTube videos

you're popular

and you're doing it

with legit people

or whatnot

like you know

I would say that.

So

The defining line tends to be

if you're funny.

That kind of

Right.

That's kind of how it goes.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

It's kind of like

are you funny?

Can you turn the air on?

It is like a sweatshop in here. And that's a joke that we can't say.
I am. I just said it.
Oh, my God. Man, context.
She brought up that ninja joke. Oh, my God.
I couldn't believe it. I'm like, yeah.
Well, here's my thing. Oh, my God.
I'm just in shell shock. I have PTSD from that experience.
Well, look, we all held back, and we the right thing and we were very nice. And we want to thank our producer, Grundle, for setting that up.
Say thank you, Grundle. Say thank you, Grundle.
Thank you, Grundle. You have to – if you're not from California, where she's from, okay? Irvine, Orange County, that area, right, is highly conservative, which I don't mind.
If you're conservative, I don't give a fuck, right? It's generally white. Yeah, it's very white.
It's very white. I do great numbers in Irvine.
Do you? Yeah. Yeah, I do great numbers.
I get a lot of business there. Yeah.
I love my Orange County folks. Yeah.
I get what it is. It's like, you know, San Diego.
People go, oh, you grew up in what great weather.

It's very conservative.

I didn't get any women until I moved to L.A. Because they didn't want to date an Asian.
Yeah, in L.A. it's more multicultural.
They're head thinking. In San Diego still back then was very like very white.
Yeah. And I grew up with that.
Yeah. so um

so in that

context of her

and where she grew up

and just

you And I grew up with that. So in that context of where she grew up and just knowing the video and just having her try to defend her position was just – that was the wrong move, Jen.
Oh, I feel bad for you right now. Yeah, I was picked on for being a redhead very often as a young man.
So my defense mechanism was to be mean and make fun of people and embarrass them or physically fight them. I just wanted to fight people.
It was just a defense mechanism, right? When I got older, I learned how to use that and embrace it and make fun of it. But I didn't do it with anian accent yeah that also brings up a point because i just you know i've been thinking about this a lot for a long time that i was bullied to it as well by my father and people on line are like you always play as a victim i'm fine i'm killing it yeah we're you're doing I'm killing it in life.
I'm not a victim. No.
You know, I'm not, you know, letting people – I don't want people to feel sorry for me. No, you just speak about your experiences.
Yeah. So – but I was bullied by my dad.
I was bullied as a kid. You know, I was the guy that they would dangle my head on the toilet and flush the toilet and my head would go – A swirly? Swirly.
I's i always wanted to do that i was a kid in the locker yeah yeah they put me in the locker for two days did you really get stuffed in a lot yeah yeah oh and i remember um when i lived in minnesota they used to throw snow ball like ice balls at my head really and they would yeah yeah in the snow they would call you an eskimo yeah and i would run you know oh man did you ever laugh while you were running away no I would cry it was really hurting you did you ever pretend my point is did you ever pretend like you were enjoying it no with ice balls and my head bleeding no no you know what I'm saying no I never did you never played it up no I would eventually I would get mad and just be angry but did you ever want to fight but without those experiences i don't think i would be where i'm at right it strengthened me yeah i think in many ways bullying you know because those bullies that i grew up with where are they i fucking know we're doing they're doormen you know i mean the, I mean. Doormen is a good job.
Some people are doormen. It's a great job.
Yeah. You're saying where the bullies are is probably not where you are.
That's a better way to say it. No, they're doormen.
Let's not attach a title to it. Right.
The people that are bullies are not successful. I don't know if I would have been a comedian if I didn't go through all the experiences that I had.
Thank God for bullies. I mean it.
I mean it. You think Stan Lee didn't get bullied? You think he was the cool guy? You think Stan Lee was walking out of class going, who's going to suck Stan Lee's dick between fourth and fifth period? Yeah.
No, he probably got the shit beat out of him. Because the inner voice, I will show you.
One day, I will show you. That's been playing through my head even as a kid.
Right. The danger right there is the one day I'll show you has to come from an honest talent point, not from one day I'll get a gun.
I know. Some people – Elliot Rodgers did that.
Elliot Rodgers did that, right? That's the thin line of bullying. Yeah.
One day I'll show you I'll be successful versus one day I'll show you I'll shoot up the school.

I'm saying in a positive way.

I never thought one day I'm going to slaughter everybody because I just knew inherently that killing another human being is fucking wrong.

Yes, of course.

In any way.

So in my head, I'm like – I didn't know if I was going to be a comedian or not.

But I just remember going – and I remember struggling as a comic and like going, oh, I'm not making any money. Nobody likes me, whatever it might be.
But I remember that inner voice going, you got to keep going. Yeah.
You got to make this happen. Yeah.
Right? And I think that without that, I don't know. I could be wrong.
There's probably therapists watching right now going, you have it all wrong.

You would have made it regardless.

But that thought has always been there.

It's still there.

Yeah, but it fuels your fire.

It fuels me.

I'm a lazy, dumb piece of shit.

And people go, you're smart.

But when I say dumb, I don't mean I have street smarts and I'm a bright guy you know but I'm not like book smart yeah you know I've read some Dostoevsky in my life but you've never read a book yes I have I read The Idiot I read Notes from the Underground I read Fear and Trembling by Kierkegaard I like philosophical books Kierkegaard's great you do like philosophical stuff? yeah I like Descartes I read Fear and Trembling by Kierkegaard. I like philosophical books.
Kierkegaard's great. Yeah.
You do like philosophical stuff? Yeah, I like Descartes. I read his meditations.
Yeah. So I do read things.
Do you know who Yogananda is? Love him. Had it three times.
Delicious beverage. I'll take one taro and one Yogananda.
Yeah. You should read Yogananda.

I will.

I'm not going to get into the depths of it, but have you ever heard of SRF?

Do you know what that is?

Self-realization fellowship?

Okay.

I won't get into it.

You should look it up.

I know.

I know.

Bobby's frustrated.

Okay.

First things first.

Do we have to do more? We do. We really do.
We have to do. We have to.
Yes. We.
First things first. Do we have to do more?

We do.

Oh, we do?

We have to do.

We have to.

Yes, we have to thank somebody.

Who?

You know who.

Thank you, Obama.

No.

Thank you, Jesus.

No.

Let me keep going.

Let me just say.

Let me guess.

Okay.

Let me guess.

Okay. Well, you know.
Let me just say, let me guess. Okay.
Let me guess. Okay.

Well, you know.

Thank you, Brian Ferry.

No.

You know who Brian Ferry is?

Brain Ferry?

Brian Ferry.

Don't know.

One of my favorite singers.

Thank you, Tashira Mufoon.

No.

I already told you who he is.

I know who Tashira Mufoon is.

Who is it?

It's the US.

You don't listen to me.

No.

Week by week.

Who are we thinking?

Thank you for being a bad friend. Yeah.
Woo.

Yeah.

Woo.