Rudy's Getting Kicked Out

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Speaker 2 Vice President Biden, quite frankly, we're a little concerned with your mental faculties because you've said some really weird stuff to the media recently.

Speaker 3 I can't do that to white media and black media because my wife has to go on at 6 o'clock.

Speaker 2 What does that have to do with race? Oh, uh-oh, I'm in trouble. Yeah, you are.
Are you going to keep saying weird shit?

Speaker 2 I will.

Speaker 2 Okay, do you need help? Like, is something wrong? Do you think?

Speaker 3 You got more questions, but I tell you, if you have a problem figuring out whether you're for me or Trump, and you ain't black.

Speaker 2 I know I'm not black. What are you? What are you talking about, dude? Dude, he's losing his mind.

Speaker 2 It's funny. I posted this shit on my side.

Speaker 2 But here's the problem. Didn't like it.
I'm getting so much shit for it right now for no reason. Like, I knew political.
It's not about pop. I didn't do it for politics.

Speaker 2 People are all like, oh, you're a Trump fan. Like, well, you can't make fun of Biden now? Like, what is this? What's this word for? Make fun of him after he gets elected.

Speaker 2 Really? Make fun of him after he gets elected. What a bitch thing to say.
You're supposed to make fun of everybody. You're a comedian.
Well, but our intentions are. And

Speaker 2 how many fucking videos online are of making fun of Trump? It's like every comic has a Trump joke, myself included. This is a...

Speaker 2 But do you understand people's mentality and their point of view and how they feel about it right now? Feel about what? About Trump and the administration and whatnot.

Speaker 2 Do you understand how people feel about it? I don't understand, but me neither. So what are you talking about? But do people do have feelings about it? I don't give a shit.

Speaker 2 But then let them have their reaction. No, I don't.
You have your feelings. Let them react.
It's called cause and effect, baby. The point is, you can make fun of fun.

Speaker 2 Every action, there's an equal reaction, baby.

Speaker 2 That's what they say in the fucking books. You, baby.
You should be able to make fun of both parties.

Speaker 2 I understand that. That's when you're funny.
But you're still allowed to comment on shit and have an opinion. No, no, no.

Speaker 2 But when they say, like, I'm a Trump fan because of this, that's the problem with what's going on. Yeah.
Because they go, okay, so when people on SNL used to make fun of

Speaker 2 Bill Clinton and they mocked him. Yeah.
Okay.

Speaker 2 So were they not democrats then no the problem is in today's but those s and l people still got negative criticism for it you're missing the point the point is is that you have ugly thick italian red-headed eyebrows that's the point yeah and the thing is is that if you post that on instagram people are gonna comment but that that's their point of view it is ugly and it's thick but my point is is that everyone has their own opinion my friend it's like this you know people say that i look old now you're the dumbest friend I have.

Speaker 2 What did you just say? You sound like this guy. What guy? You sound like this guy.
You sound like this. If you're black, if you're not...
Saying weird shit. I will.
I will. Okay.
Do you need help?

Speaker 2 What? Is something wrong, do you think?

Speaker 3 You got more questions, but I tell you, if you have a problem figuring out whether you're for me or Trump, and you ain't black.

Speaker 2 If you have a problem figuring out if you're with me or Trump, then you ain't black. No, he's saying, right? If you vote for Trump, then you're not black.
That's what he's saying. No, he doesn't.

Speaker 2 Whoever is on, you're not obviously not the one he's talking to, right? Yeah, this is a dub video.

Speaker 2 Exactly. So I don't know who he's talking to about that.
Then I was showing Rudy. So maybe the other guy that he's talking to isn't black.

Speaker 2 The guy that I. This is Charlemagne's video.
He was black.

Speaker 2 Charlemagne's black.

Speaker 2 He might not be, though.

Speaker 2 You're right. Inside.
On the inside. You're right.
Right? No, you're wrong. On the okay.
Charlemagne's black.

Speaker 2 On the inside. In the inside and the outside, upside down, backwards, inside out.

Speaker 2 You won your point. Side down.

Speaker 2 Doing it wrong.

Speaker 2 I know that song.

Speaker 2 You don't know that song? Yeah, you know. Boy, you turn me inside out.

Speaker 2 Doing it right. Round and round.
Doing it wrong.

Speaker 2 Doing it every way. Rudy is one week from the house.
Rudy is going to get kicked out of the house. She's one week away from graduating.
Rudy's going to get.

Speaker 2 When she graduates, she's out of the fucking house. Let's give it up for Rudy.
He's going to graduate. Woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, Rudy.
I'm gonna graduate. She has another year.

Speaker 2 Graduate this year. She's gonna move on from this year.

Speaker 2 She has not graduated. You're gonna graduate.
You're a sophomore. You're not graduating.

Speaker 2 I'll give it one clap. All right.
So I have a complaint.

Speaker 2 I have a mess of a complaint. All right, let's hear them, baby.
My mess of a complaint is this: okay, is that

Speaker 2 you know

Speaker 2 Rudy isn't my blood relative.

Speaker 2 Yeah, not not blood, blood. Or legally, or any.

Speaker 2 I, from the grace of my own heart, because I'm, you know, very Mother Teresa in that way,

Speaker 2 I'm a bleeding heart. Empathy.

Speaker 2 You're very Mother Teresa. You're like an empathy number one.
You're like an old haggard bitch who never fucks. You're just like Mother Teresa.
Cool, cool, cool, cool, cool, cool, cool.

Speaker 2 That's what you talk.

Speaker 2 Your ugly fucking eyebrows. Will you talk? Yeah.

Speaker 2 Look at the lack of definition in your fucking arms. I'm fat.
You have the most like. That's like

Speaker 2 you're a little ham hock. You're like, if you go, if you missed your potato head a piece of ham with little, with little fake arms.
All right. So, anyway,

Speaker 2 I have a bleeding heart. I'm a good dude.
Yeah. Dita Bobby, can you move to the left? That's what I'm talking about.
That's a part of it. That's a part of it.

Speaker 2 I told her I said it makes that's a part of it. That's a part of it.
But she's really

Speaker 2 hard tone. All right.
You're the best.

Speaker 2 I let her into my house.

Speaker 2 She doesn't pay for rent. Right.

Speaker 2 She doesn't pay for food.

Speaker 2 Right. She doesn't pay for really anything, really.

Speaker 2 Well,

Speaker 2 but her physical being is worth something, correct? Her presence is definitely worth something. Yeah, she's lovable, enjoyable, sweet.

Speaker 2 Smart. No, she's basically one of the people.
Like, you had Cleopatra, which is me.

Speaker 2 Okay, so you're Mother Teresa and Cleopatra? Combo, combo. A combo teal, right? So you're Cleo Teresa.
Yeah, right. And she's building the pyramids.

Speaker 2 Oh, yeah, you know, imagine Cleopatra and there's 200,000 dudes or a million dudes building, like, you know, so that's what she is. Why so many dudes?

Speaker 2 I don't know, because they're very complex things to build, pyramids. I've built three of them in my life, and they take a long time.
One boulder is

Speaker 2 heavy, very heavy. Okay.
Yeah. It's as heavy as Eric Griffin.

Speaker 2 Shout out. But

Speaker 2 boom, I'm going to get a text from that. He texted me already.
He goes, y'all need to stop talking about it it on your podcast. I know, I know.
I know, are you kidding me?

Speaker 2 We're giving you more press than anything you've ever done. Yeah, this is better than workaholics for him.
Yeah, Montez. Man, yup, man.

Speaker 2 Man, Santino. Yeah, yeah.
I got so many people texting me about the shit you say on your show. So,

Speaker 2 come back to me.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 My turn.

Speaker 2 Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 Bobby's turn. So here's a list of things.
Number one, we're having dinner the other night, and she looks at me and she goes, Uncle Tito, you have to take out the trash.

Speaker 2 Was it your turn to take out the trash?

Speaker 2 There is no turn. There's no turns? Everyone has a turns.
It's a chore. It's your turn to take a chance.
No, no, it's not. No, it's a chore that was designated to me by

Speaker 2 Kalila. Right, so it's your turns.
Because she thinks that Kalila's the boss of me. And she is.
She is not. I'm my own independent human being who pays my own personal taxes and whatnot.

Speaker 2 Okay, you know what it's like?

Speaker 2 Kalila's like the McDonald's Corporation. Yeah.
And you own a franchise, right? So yeah, it's yours. You get to do what you want.
No, no, no, no. It's the reverse.
You answer to the franchise.

Speaker 2 You cook the fries the way that they want them. Okay.
Okay. Fine, but it's not even, it's not that like the franchise, it's like the fucking fry guy telling me.
Let's say I own the fucking McDonald's.

Speaker 2 That's the fry guy counting.

Speaker 2 The fry guy telling the owner of the McDonald's restaurant, right? Go take out the trash because corporate told me to tell you that. And guess what? You got to do it because corporate did say it.

Speaker 2 fine but let me say this all right there aren't a lot of shifts open for her oh so she's gonna get let go there's not gonna be a lot of shifts she's there's there's a cause and effect like we talked about earlier i understand cook cook cook cook cook cook cook so uh

Speaker 2 so all right all right so so her shifts are getting tinier so that's the number one so she looks at direct me right in the eyes and goes not in a soft you know not a sweet sweet way kita puppy no would you please take out the trash?

Speaker 2 You have to take out the trash,

Speaker 2 like right in my fucking eye. Can you say it again how you said it to

Speaker 2 just so she can have a fucking stance on how this went down? Can you say how you said it? Yeah, go ahead. Let's hear it.
Okay.

Speaker 2 Kito Bobby, can you take out the trash tonight? That's so nice. She's fucking 12 years old.
She's

Speaker 2 15. She's

Speaker 2 whatever. Telling an adult? She isn't.
The guy that owns the house. Can you? She said, can you take out the trash? You could have said, you know, I can't right now.
Can you?

Speaker 2 And what would you have said? It's okay. It's okay.

Speaker 2 It's okay.

Speaker 2 You bend your shit, huh? You little fucking squirrel. She bends it like shit.
You bend it like Beckham, huh?

Speaker 2 That's not my only one. There's another one.
What is it?

Speaker 2 Number two is

Speaker 2 so we're driving down the street. Okay.

Speaker 2 Right. And we see a car parked in front of the middle of the street.
Yeah. I turn around mad because you can't just fucking park your car in the middle of the fucking street.

Speaker 2 No one one can get through. So I had to, I had to do U-turn.
It's on your house. Right.
And then I look at her face. All the blood from her face had gone out.
She's scared. Yeah.

Speaker 2 And I go, what the fuck? Why?

Speaker 2 You know, sometimes people park their car in the middle of the street. Right.
It ain't no bad, big deal. No baby.
No big deal.

Speaker 2 She goes, Uncle Tito, you know who that was?

Speaker 2 I go, no.

Speaker 2 Who was it?

Speaker 2 David Dobrik's friend.

Speaker 2 So David Dobrik. I know who he is.
All right. Not him.

Speaker 2 His friend. Who was his friend? What's his name? Jason Nash and Jeff Smith.
Jason Nash is the older guy. Yeah, I like him.
He's, yeah, people. But she acted as if it was Barack and Michelle Obama.

Speaker 2 To her generation, it is.

Speaker 2 To that generation, they're more important than Obama. What do you know about Barack Obama? Do you know anything about him?

Speaker 2 He was the president. He has

Speaker 2 two kids. Yeah.
What else?

Speaker 2 Did you know anything he stood for politically?

Speaker 2 I don't know. He was pro-choice.
Yeah. Here we go.
Now tell me about David Dobrik and Jason Nash. Look at her face light up.
Look at the smile.

Speaker 2 Look at all the teeth you've ever seen.

Speaker 2 Tell me anything about them that you love.

Speaker 2 He's a famous YouTuber, and then he pranks a lot of people. Why do you like him, though? What does he do for you?

Speaker 2 He's funny.

Speaker 2 He's funny. Yeah.
And he's cute cute, and they seem nice and cool, yeah. Honestly, Barack Obama to them, how about

Speaker 2 honest time?

Speaker 2 Okay,

Speaker 2 honest time,

Speaker 2 he's funny.

Speaker 2 Let me ask you a question, and you be completely and utterly honest with me. Is David, what's his name, Dobrik, Dobrik, funnier than Andrew and I? Oh, well, I can tell you the answer to that.

Speaker 2 No

Speaker 2 Lie. That's a lie.
Complete lie. That's a lie.
Because she's never looked at us that way. That's a lie.
It's a complete lie. I know that's a lie.
She's a liar. She's a fucking liar.
Why did you lie?

Speaker 2 Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 Let's ask her one more time. Let's see if she really gives you one more chance.

Speaker 2 To you, your own personal opinion. It's not a factual thing.
It's just your opinion about it. Do you think that David Dobrik's...
Dobrik? Dobrik. Is it an N?

Speaker 2 Dobrik. Dobrik.
David Dobrik. You think that David, I'm sure he's a very talented, complex, very diverse entertainer.

Speaker 2 He's got millions and millions. I know.
He's had 12 million followers.

Speaker 2 I got nothing. He's huge.
He's massive. I got shit.
Yeah. Right? But do you, in your heart, heart of hearts, think that he's funnier than us?

Speaker 2 Take a second. Don't answer right away.
No, because she'll only answer

Speaker 2 the answer that we want to hear. She looked away when she said that.
She does, David. You're a fucking liar.
All right. That's number one lie.
They say when you look away, when you lie. So

Speaker 2 look Tito Bobby in the face and say, who's funnier? Bobby and me or them?

Speaker 2 You're funnier, Tito Bobby, and Tito Andrew. Oh, wow.
I'm in the family. You're an uncle.
I'm in a family.

Speaker 2 So, wait, you really, you really think we're funny? But you, but there, but

Speaker 2 not, but she, she, I just don't believe it.

Speaker 2 It's a lie. Yeah.
And she went googly, and I can hear a little quick quick

Speaker 2 and I listen. No, no, yes.
Yes, yes. I heard a little quick quick.
No,

Speaker 2 no.

Speaker 2 down there, I go, what the fuck? No. Yeah.
No. And I'm like, that's wrong.
She's like my sister. You can't tell me.
I know.

Speaker 2 I'm not saying anything bad. I'm just the truth.
I know. I'm telling you what I heard.

Speaker 2 Okay, so that's what I heard. I don't know what that was.
Let's let that go. So this is the second strike.
Maybe she had a runny nose. This is the second strike.

Speaker 2 What has she been doing else that's really bothering you? You make it seem like she's really

Speaker 2 hot water. There are so many things, all right? Well, can I tell you she's got me hooked on something.
Let me finish the two more. I have two more, and then we'll go to the hook.

Speaker 2 I just, I'm so excited to tell her this and share it. I know.
Well, you will share it to her. Okay.
But let me get the hook. Okay, one of the two other things that she really wanted to do.

Speaker 2 I am going to tell you right now, okay?

Speaker 2 We're driving, right? We're driving down the street to pick up some food. Mendocino farms.

Speaker 2 Terry's. Our favorite.
One of her favorites. And I go, hey, you know, it's been three months.

Speaker 2 I just want an iced coffee.

Speaker 2 You haven't had iced coffee in three months? No, I haven't. Really? I haven't been to.
No, I'm not allowed to go to Starbucks or anything like that. Damn.
Am I not? Am I not? Be honest.

Speaker 2 Am I allowed to go there? No.

Speaker 2 You had an espresso double shot on the show last week. Yeah, but it was a canned one.
I know it was still delicious, wasn't it? It was delicious, but that's not my point. I wanted a fresh.

Speaker 2 I bought it for you. I put it in.
I know you did. Just for Bob.

Speaker 2 But

Speaker 2 go, tell. So I go, hey, do you mind? You know, because she's not going to know if I swing by and get some iced coffee, just, you know, just between us.

Speaker 2 She goes, no, I tell

Speaker 2 Auntie Kalila. I'll tell her.
Why, why?

Speaker 2 We talked about this last time. Why are you going to snitch on him?

Speaker 2 Do you feel like you need to snitch? No, because it's a big thing. And Auntie Kalila asked me if he's going to make any stupid things, then tell me.

Speaker 2 Right.

Speaker 2 She's an honest kid. I know she's an honest kid.

Speaker 2 But that's a point docked for you. Yeah.
You don't like it. Here's the fourth one, and here's the one that makes me very worried.

Speaker 2 And I've been Googling it, and I've been calling my psychiatrist's friends, and I've been, oh, yeah. She's

Speaker 2 reading some papers on it. What happened?

Speaker 2 So on her phone, her screen, you know, her wallpaper or whatever,

Speaker 2 is of a

Speaker 2 boy. that she has a crush on.
Who's the boy? No, just listen, she has a crush, right?

Speaker 2 And

Speaker 2 she doesn't care. Piss me right off.

Speaker 2 Who's the boy? Oh,

Speaker 2 you want to get angry? Yeah. You want to get infuriated? Yeah, who's the boy? You're going to find out, my friend.
Okay. Keep going.
The guy that she has a crush on isn't real.

Speaker 2 It's a cartoon character. What?

Speaker 2 Who is the boy? Do you have the screenshot? Bring it up.

Speaker 2 Who is that?

Speaker 2 Let me bring it up on the Pooter so we can see. I can't see your phone.
Who is it? Who is that? Um, Kuro in haiku. Haikyu.
Wait, what? How do you spell that? K-U-R-R-O.

Speaker 2 R-O-O.

Speaker 2 And then just put Haikyu.

Speaker 2 Yeah, like that's so funny.

Speaker 2 K-U-R-O-O.

Speaker 2 And then just spell quarretto to sendo.

Speaker 2 How fucking.

Speaker 2 Wait, what is it?

Speaker 2 Aiku.

Speaker 2 This, this, okay.

Speaker 2 Tisoto kuru. This guy.
That's him.

Speaker 2 You have a crush on this guy. This guy, yeah.

Speaker 2 He doesn't even know. He doesn't have a nose.
He has a Michael Jackson nose. I know.
His nose is gone. Completely gone.
Why do you like this guy? Yeah.

Speaker 2 This is a sexy guy. No lips.
No lips. Right? He has a lip.
No, he doesn't. Where? Where is his eyes? Those are.
It's a line. On other pictures.
On other pictures. Okay.
Look at all the others.

Speaker 2 These are all of them. No lips.
No lips. No lips.
look at this is this is this is bad plastic surgery yeah yeah yeah

Speaker 2 he's got to go

Speaker 2 look at it look hit hit that photo right look look he who what man puts blush on he's blushing i'm so sad i'm a so sad i'm a so sad yeah it's so this is a this is jap a japanese cartoon you obviously have a crush on japanese yeah yeah look at it these are these are japanese boys you love he's got veneers on those aren't real human teeth wow though oh look at the arms you're right.

Speaker 2 I can see it now. Wow.
Wow. Wow.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 Oh.

Speaker 2 Listen, listen. He's got a long twist.
Listen, listen. Lower it down.
Lower it down. And just listen carefully.

Speaker 2 Okay, so look.

Speaker 2 You have a big crush on this guy. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 Can I tell you something? I'm actually quite relieved that it's not a real boy. Really? Yeah, because

Speaker 2 that's fucking weird. It is, but you know what? As her, you know, as her interim stepfather, I just, I'm a cool.
I'd rather this than a guy that she can actually have access to.

Speaker 2 Because now that she's on the Graham and people know her and stuff, are you going in your DMs? Yeah. You are?

Speaker 2 Are there guys cheating on you? Yeah, but I don't

Speaker 2 talk to them. Oh, you don't talk to them.
What do they say? Like, you're really cute. And I find.
You don't respond? No.

Speaker 2 I'm telling you, see, that opened up Pandora's box. There's going to be some creepo.
Did people send you nudes pictures? No. There better not be.

Speaker 2 And if there are, by the way, if anybody sends Rudy a nude, listen up. Do it.
We're posting it. We're posting it on the show.
Do it, but yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 If you send a dick pic to her, it's getting on the show. But do it.
Do it.

Speaker 2 But do it, yeah. But it's going to get on the show.
It's going to get on the show. Just so you know.
Yeah. And we're going to have an artist paint over it.
So you wait, but how,

Speaker 2 how did you, how did this infatuation happen with this guy? What cartoon is he in? It's called Haikyu. Haikyu.
Haiqyu.

Speaker 2 It is, although it is, you know, because of, I have to tell you, I have. Is it in English or in Japanese? Um, there's um English subtitles.

Speaker 2 There, so there's Japanese and they subtitle it in English, but you can't, but he doesn't have, he only speaks in Japanese. Do you understand any of what he's saying?

Speaker 2 Do you pick up on stuff as time goes on? Yeah, you do. See, that's how you learn Japanese.
Watch haikyu.

Speaker 2 I'll just tell you what the premise of Haikyu. Guess what?

Speaker 2 You'll never believe it. Well, from this, oh my good God.
Look at these. Look at those ass.

Speaker 2 What's the premise? I mean, this is. I don't know the premise, but it's centered around.
Check. Yeah, I know.
I hate when people do that, by the way. Yeah, that's a Japanese.
Yeah. Japanese thing.

Speaker 2 Like whenever soccer players

Speaker 2 get a goal and they go to the camera and they do this.

Speaker 2 Yeah, I just want to grab the outside of their hands and just crush and just have their bones shatter into nothing.

Speaker 2 Yeah, yeah. It drives me crazy.
Don't ever do that. I can't even do one.
I think that's what it is.

Speaker 2 This is it, right? Yeah, yeah. They're live.
Fuck love. That's my heart.
Lopsided. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 So

Speaker 2 the premise of it is volleyball.

Speaker 2 What do you mean?

Speaker 2 That's what the show is about. They play volleyball? Yeah.

Speaker 2 She watches a cartoon. But they go to the bottom.
She jerks off. She rubs her little jam jam to

Speaker 2 her fucking volleyball fucking video. Wait a minute.
So the whole show is about teenagers who are in a high school volleyball team? Yeah, and competing too. Oh, they compete.

Speaker 2 Oh, so that's what makes it exciting. They're competitive.
Yeah, yeah. Well,

Speaker 2 I tell you, I don't approve.

Speaker 2 I don't approve. But I do approve

Speaker 2 of normal people.

Speaker 2 We've been watching normal people.

Speaker 2 I love it so much. Marianne, I love it.
You don't love it?

Speaker 2 You don't love normal people. It's a great show.
Do you not like it?

Speaker 2 It's a wonderful show in Ireland. And it's a love story, isn't it?

Speaker 2 I might switch camps. It's a great.
I literally might go

Speaker 2 start one with Theo Vaughan now. No, it's a great show.
Because you're acting gay-like. You don't like normal people.
No, I don't like.

Speaker 2 I can only do an English one.

Speaker 2 I don't like it. What is it you don't like about normal people? I just don't like it.
It's a great show. No, it's about love and

Speaker 2 intimacy.

Speaker 2 It's about people. and reactions and how they spend their whole lives together.

Speaker 2 Oh my God. It's a great show.
It really is. Can I tell you something? Yeah.
The acting is phenomenal. The writing is very good.
It is a love show. Yeah.
And it's something I typically would hate.

Speaker 2 The only thing I don't like is watching them hook up. Yeah.
Because kitty hookup stuff. Dude, I don't like seeing adult hookup stuff.
I don't get it. I don't like.

Speaker 2 They show her tits, but she has no tits. She has no tits, hey? No tits.
Hey. No tits, hey? Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 But they show her. Don't ever do that again.

Speaker 2 They show her bing bings. Yeah.
And

Speaker 2 they show his penis one time, didn't they? Yeah, they showed his little Irish penis, his little potato. Well, that's what Kalila likes to show because of the fact that it's real.
It seems very real.

Speaker 2 I'm not kidding. The actors, all jokes aside, they're very talented.

Speaker 2 It feels like a real relationship. It's not like me in fucking The Wrong Missy, but it's

Speaker 2 the level of acting, but it's up there. Well, you know, I just submitted, you know, they're doing.
nominations for Academy Awards.

Speaker 2 I submitted you for the wrong missy. I'm serious.
I wrote it in. I'm dead serious.
We should have all of our fans. Well,

Speaker 2 they can't vote. But you should write into the Academy and say, why is it that? I'm tired of people shaming me, by the way.
I'm tired of,

Speaker 2 I regret even bringing it up. I saw a few different comments that said,

Speaker 2 shout out to Bobby. He was underutilized and he still was funny in the movie.

Speaker 2 That's great. Okay.
That's very nice. Can I talk about a little dreadful thing that's coming up for me? Can we say one thing real fast? Go ahead.

Speaker 2 It's Brody's birthday today. Rest in peace.
Can we just do that?

Speaker 2 What? I just wanted to say, rest in peace, happy birthday. Did that break your heart? Brody Stevens was the second guy who passed away.
It's his birthday today.

Speaker 2 I just wanted to say happy birthday, and we love him and we miss him, and that's all. I just don't do well with him specifically because it just makes me so fucking sad.

Speaker 2 I know, dude, but I just wanted to wish the guy had a comedy podcast. You shouldn't have worn that fucking shirt, man.
I shouldn't have worn a shirt of a fucking podcast.

Speaker 2 Yeah, because now my mood is like going into a different direction. That's all.
Stop it. Yeah.

Speaker 2 I miss him. I love him.
We're thinking about him in positive. I miss him.
I love him. Yes.
Bobby Lee. Oh,

Speaker 2 I miss him and I love him. One-eight till I die.

Speaker 2 Bobby, North Korean, wrong side. Let's talk about him for a second, though.

Speaker 2 He was the fucking best guy. Not only that, though, is if you didn't know him, he was one of those guys that it's almost as if he wasn't in show business.
That's his mentality.

Speaker 2 Like when you ran into him, he was just a regular, nice guy. Hey,

Speaker 2 very sensitive, not an asshole. No.
He was always just, I've never had any kind of problem with him. No.

Speaker 2 And

Speaker 2 it is

Speaker 2 a loss to the comedy community. Yeah, I know this is mean to say, but I did say it when he died to Adam Egot shortly thereafter.
I said, so many other comics could have died and I wouldn't have cared.

Speaker 2 I was like, I cared when he died. I know that's mean, but like, there was other comics that if you told me they died, I'd go.
I don't think so.

Speaker 2 I think you would be heartbroken. Nah, there's some guys.
No, I don't think so. There's some guys.
I can't believe that. There's some guys.

Speaker 2 There really is. There's a few people.
Let me think. Let me see.
If they died, I would go.

Speaker 2 Would you fake, though? Yeah, you have to. All right, so I'm going to tell you.
I'm a comic. All right.
And I'm just going to name up a comic that you don't like. Just a random name.

Speaker 2 This isn't real, though. This is not real.
No, okay.

Speaker 2 What's up? Oh, fuck, man. What's going on? You don't know, dude? No, what? What's up? Oh, my God.

Speaker 2 What, Bob? Tragic. David Benowitz

Speaker 2 Died? No, I'm just... Yeah, but it's the way he died.
What happened? He just woke up and he had an omelet. Yeah.
And then the fucking...

Speaker 2 It was so sizzly. It was so hot? Yeah, just the pan he was cooking it.
So he was cooking an omelette in a pan, it was hot.

Speaker 2 Yeah, and then he put his elbow down on the little thing and the omelet spot his face, but then the pan hit his face and he had a cardiac. He had a cardiac? Yeah, and he died.

Speaker 2 He died in a cardiac from a pan omelette.

Speaker 2 Yeah. Wow.

Speaker 2 Oh, God.

Speaker 2 No. Oh, God.
That's what you would do? I'd go, oh, God.

Speaker 2 I got to talk business about the show this year. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Anyway, you got to watch Normal People.

Speaker 2 It's so good, isn't it? Normal People. You know, forever, I thought his name was Connor, and then you learn his name is Connell.

Speaker 2 All right. I'm going to watch it.
And I call my

Speaker 2 watching Attack on Titan now, but after I'm done with Attack on Titan,

Speaker 2 I'm going to watch it. It's just well written, dude.
All right. Very well written.

Speaker 2 I don't cry because I'm an empty, empty guy. I don't have anything inside of me anymore.
But I get why people do cry. When's the last time you cried in a movie? In a movie? Never.
I've never cried.

Speaker 2 You've never seen a movie and went, oh.

Speaker 2 No.

Speaker 2 I got a couple of movies. I mean, there's movies that I've laughed so hard that it made me cry.
Oh, you know what I mean? Where you laughed so hard that it made me

Speaker 2 tears? Oh my god. Schindler's laugh.
Schindler's laugh.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 The ending is so funny. It's hilarious.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Wait, Wait, so what? Yeah.
Movies Met Maybe. My brother and I, all right, when we saw Bull Rat.
Oh my God.

Speaker 2 No, but it was, we didn't really, I thought the show was stronger in terms of comedy. But the scene where in the beginning where they were doing that, that race with the Jewish, the mannequin.
Yes.

Speaker 2 Right. And then the...

Speaker 2 That race where they're running from these gigantic Jewish things. Yes.
And then one lays an egg. And then the egg opens in a baby Jew, right?

Speaker 2 And the kids come out of nowhere and start hitting it with sticks. You know what I mean?

Speaker 2 My brother and I were in the theater

Speaker 2 on the floor, yeah, holding our sides. I had never laughed that hard in a fucking in a movie movie.
When I movie, I had such shock, comedy shock.

Speaker 2 Like, like, you know, when you're laughing, but you can't believe that it's happening, you're like, How are they getting, how is this happening? When he sings, throw the Jew down the well.

Speaker 2 Oh my god, he got people to go, so my country can be free.

Speaker 2 I, dude, I was in, I was laughing so hard and looking around like, how did they do this? How did he he, I remember feeling like that's the, I was like, that's the pinnacle of confidence.

Speaker 2 What's great about that song is too, in the beginning, it's a little like it's about transportation or something. It doesn't really go into it.
In my country, there is problems.

Speaker 2 Problem, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, or something like that. And eventually it gets into.
But it goes into claws.

Speaker 2 But at first it says, and the problem is transportation. Yeah, transport, yes.
And then they're all like, oh, it's hard to get a bus.

Speaker 2 And the third verse, he's like, and the problem is the Jew. And everyone's like, and the problem is the Jew.
You know, looking around. What a great.

Speaker 2 There's a few movies that I've laughed so hard that I've cried in, but I've never cried. Why? Have you cried from?

Speaker 2 Oh, my God.

Speaker 2 I was in a movie with, you know, who Aaron Kater is? The comic? Yeah. Yeah.
So, Kater and I, many, many years ago, there was a movie called Tegukchi. What?

Speaker 2 You said it like that thing that she asked me to spell. Yeah, Tegukchi.
Teguchi.

Speaker 2 Was there a letter? Silence? Is there silent letters? No, what?

Speaker 2 No, it's just, I don't know. Teguchi.
Teguchi. Teguchi.

Speaker 2 It's about the Korean War.

Speaker 2 So it's in Korean.

Speaker 2 But it's about, so I'll just tell you, the movie opens up with this old man.

Speaker 2 Why are you laughing? I just see you, an old Korean guy. I just see you.

Speaker 2 This old man is just sitting

Speaker 2 like in his desk or something.

Speaker 2 No, he's just sitting there, like, just solemn. Yeah.
And he gets a phone call. He goes,

Speaker 2 And he goes, they go,

Speaker 2 and he goes,

Speaker 2 and they go,

Speaker 2 right? And he goes, Hudio, hurdy.

Speaker 2 I said the same thing all the time.

Speaker 2 Right?

Speaker 2 So then they cuts, right? And he's now at some sort of site. Like a like a like an exca excavation site.
Oh, yeah. Right.

Speaker 2 And they dug up a skeleton of

Speaker 2 somebody holding a pen.

Speaker 2 And I guess the pen was this old man's pen. And that was his brother.

Speaker 2 And he died holding his brother's pen yeah but then it cut then it cuts back to the korean war right jump cut jumps back back in the past right and it tells the movies about the story of what happened of the pen and basically what it is is you know a kid

Speaker 2 you know um

Speaker 2 gets drafted in the korean war and his older brother is was too old to get drafted but he went in the korean war

Speaker 2 he oh he volunteered he volunteered to protect his brother oh wow through the war and then this older brother disappears.

Speaker 2 And then now, 60 years later,

Speaker 2 they find it, you know, that's the story. And his other brother got killed because we won.

Speaker 2 No,

Speaker 2 we were on the same team, fuck, fuck. The Korean War? Yeah.
The South Koreans were in the same team as the Americans, you fucking twister. I thought this was a North Korean movie.
No, it was.

Speaker 2 They don't make movies in North Korea. Twist, twist.

Speaker 2 That's funny to you. I know you're cheek.
By the way. Yeah.

Speaker 2 It's a good time to bring up the mistake that I made. What's the mistake? Today is Memorial Day.
Oh, happy Memorial Day. Happy Memorial Day.

Speaker 2 What is it? Happy Memorial Day. One, two, three.
Happy Memorial Day. Oh, yeah.
All the soldiers. All the soldiers that have died.
Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 And I threw up something on our Gramola asking for pictures of veterans. Kind of blindly, just like being like, oh, yeah, throw up.
We'll put up pictures on the show.

Speaker 2 Tons of people gave us photos. And I was looking at them all, and it was awesome.
I was was like, this is so great.

Speaker 2 And then someone commented, This is for soldiers that have passed fighting, like during wartime, not for just veterans. And he was like, As a veteran myself, we find it disrespectful.
I was like,

Speaker 2 I just,

Speaker 2 I just wanted to, I just wanted to pay tribute.

Speaker 2 And then, and people got an argument below it, and I was like, okay, I don't,

Speaker 2 I was just gonna,

Speaker 2 okay,

Speaker 2 sorry.

Speaker 2 So then we're done. We're not showing the photos.
So thanks for the people that died, but nobody gets photos now. Because someone ruined the party.
Because I screwed up. I didn't know.
I had no idea.

Speaker 2 I didn't. I do know that it's memorializing the soldiers that have died, but I just thought, even if we throw veterans up there, isn't that nice? Apparently not.
That's for Veterans Day only.

Speaker 2 They have their day.

Speaker 2 So I fucked up.

Speaker 2 I feel bad. I fucked up.

Speaker 2 Why do you... Why did it...
I wanted to say it out loud because I feel bad.

Speaker 2 My grandfather fought in the Korean War, but I do want to show a picture of him. Did he really fight in the Korean War? Yeah, I do.

Speaker 2 I do want to show a picture of my grandfather because he did fight in the Korean War, and he's a handsome dude. Rest in peace, James Garrity.
He's not around anymore. He doesn't, he's passed away.

Speaker 2 But he did fight in the Korean War.

Speaker 2 And so Bobby should respect and love this. There's my grandfather.
Oh,

Speaker 2 shit. Now, that right there is normal people.

Speaker 2 That's an Irish lad, if I've ever seen one, smoking a cigarette there.

Speaker 2 He's got this garb on there. Yeah.
yeah and that's a ufo right there

Speaker 2 that's a ufo swear to god before he died he goes that's a ufo that's a fucking ufo that's a ufo i know holy shit that is one it's a ufo or it's a fucking coffee stain no no that that's a coffee stain yeah

Speaker 2 and that is literally a ufo or it could be a bird i talked to my grandfather there were no birds back then yeah yeah

Speaker 2 you know i'll be honest with you

Speaker 2 can i can i

Speaker 2 don't say anything fucking mean about my passed away grandfather. This is my literal hero.

Speaker 2 I'm not going to say anything mean.

Speaker 2 I don't know it. I don't know shit, so shut the fuck up.
I don't know him. So shut the fuck up.
Right. If you say something fucked up, I'm going to fuck you up.
I'm dead serious. Go ahead.

Speaker 2 If you say something fucked up, I'm going to beat the shit out of you. And I really mean it.
All right. Because

Speaker 2 he fought for our country and he's a fucking and he's passed away. I was going to give him a comment.
He was the greatest guy. Give him a compliment.
Yes. Yeah.
He looks like Henry Cable.

Speaker 2 Ooh, Superman. Yeah.
I love that. Stop there.

Speaker 2 Stop there. If Henry.
Stop there. If Henry came.
Bob. Right.

Speaker 2 Bob.

Speaker 2 What's up?

Speaker 2 Do you want me to get violent right now? For real? Say sorry and take it back right now. Say sorry and take it back right now.

Speaker 2 Five, four,

Speaker 2 three,

Speaker 2 two,

Speaker 2 one.

Speaker 2 Oh, don't, don't, don't. Don't, don't, don't, don't.
Don't get angry.

Speaker 2 What a hero he a bit a beautiful handsome man a beautiful handsome dude and he fought for our country and he's the best. Yeah, does he have to take his belt buckle all the way to his nipples?

Speaker 2 I mean, what they did back then.

Speaker 2 I get it. Sharp looking cat.
Yeah. Where's a picture of your fucking grandfather? Hmm.
I have one on my Instagram. Show us.
Go to the beginning.

Speaker 2 You have to scroll all the way down to the beginning of my.

Speaker 2 You want to see a man? Yeah.

Speaker 2 Go, Bobby. What? Here.
That's. Look, here's Bobby Lee's grandpa.
Here he is.

Speaker 2 There he is.

Speaker 2 Look at all these guys. Look at all these guys.
These are all your grandpas.

Speaker 2 There's Bobby Lee's grandpa. There he is.

Speaker 2 Bobby Lee's grandpa with his best bud.

Speaker 2 Bobby Lee's grandpa with his best homeboy. You know, it's so funny.
But those are proper eyebrows, by the way. Look at those.

Speaker 2 I haven't cut anything because we've been in quarantined. Have you gone anywhere and done anything? No, you just don't grow grow eyebrows.
You look like a teenage girl who tried to thread him herself.

Speaker 2 That's what you look like.

Speaker 2 Bitch.

Speaker 2 You look like you self-threaded. It's funny.

Speaker 2 It's funny.

Speaker 2 It's bitch.

Speaker 2 We're like...

Speaker 2 It's just, you get really sensitive. And I think that we're a comedy podcast.
And I think that... What did I get sensitive about? You just get really

Speaker 2 you have like your responses to things are very

Speaker 2 different people. We're different people.
Yeah. You're lethargic and dumb, and I'm hot-headed and quick.

Speaker 2 Also, I'm mad because you did it. Why you've laughed.
See, that's the thing. She loves it.
Rude loves it. Yeah, she loves me getting torn apart.
Yeah, because you fucking are so mean to her.

Speaker 2 You're so mean to her. Am I not nice to you? You fucking wretched little fucking twat.

Speaker 2 You wretched, ungrateful little twat. Am I not fucking nice to you? You're nice.
There we go, you fuck. What percent of the time? What percent? What percent of the time is he nice?

Speaker 2 Honest, rude.

Speaker 2 Get closer to the mic because.

Speaker 2 Um

Speaker 2 75. 75.
Oh, so

Speaker 2 25% of the time, what do I do? You're mean, meaningful. What do I do? You call her ungrateful twice.
No, what do I do?

Speaker 2 He punches me and kicks me. You do? Why are you kicking her? She has to learn something.

Speaker 2 She has to learn something.

Speaker 2 If you could get your own apartment here in Los Angeles, would you like that or no? Do you like living with them? I like living with them.

Speaker 2 What if we start to go fund me and we can get you enough money to get your own apartment? Would you like that? No. You sure? I'm sure.
Okay. She has her own room, her own bathroom.
What if we start?

Speaker 2 What if we start to go fund me for you just so you can start waving around money at Tito Bobby so you have money? When he's like, you don't pay for food. And you're like, I got it, bitch.

Speaker 2 And put down some money. I'm not using that over her head.
I'm just telling. I'm just.

Speaker 2 No, don't do that, Face. I'm reminding her.
Don't make, I'm reminding her the situation. Yeah, she knows.
I don't think she does.

Speaker 2 Do you know, Rude? She does. All right, well, just, you know, next time...
How about this? On the way over back home, when we get into the car, I'm going to get an iced coffee. Oh, shit.
No.

Speaker 2 Yeah, and I want to see

Speaker 2 where you stand. Where your loyalty lies.
Where your loyalty lies. If I don't say anything, then Atti Kalaila will get mad at me.
How will she know? You might have to take one for the team. Oh, boy.

Speaker 2 Yeah. You might have to take one.

Speaker 2 I want to test you, woman. This is really a good...
This would be an episode of Normal People.

Speaker 2 Trying to find out Marianne is going to do the right thing or the wrong thing. Aren't you, Marianne? For Connell.
Even if for Connell or for James.

Speaker 2 So he's going to get a nice coffee and you're going to have to deal with the repercussions. Okay.
If Auntie Kalila gets mad, that's on you.

Speaker 2 So everyone listening, this is a Monday. I have to really say this, okay? Yeah.
Because I'm really, I'm self-conscious about it. Yeah.
Okay.

Speaker 2 So

Speaker 2 this is a Monday, and this Wednesday coming out is the game show.

Speaker 2 Yeah, I'm excited.

Speaker 2 The clips, by the way, look great

Speaker 2 of you eating the bug was very funny. There's some really good stuff.
But there are things, though, that they sent me to post that aren't funny. What do you mean? Oh, oh, oh, clips from the show.

Speaker 2 Yeah. That I'm like, don't post them.
That's post them. I know, I'm not.
But what I wanted to tell people, and just be

Speaker 2 sensitive. Because people are like, why are you doing television?

Speaker 2 Or like, you know,

Speaker 2 television exists. You know, those kind of like little jabs.

Speaker 2 And, you know, know,

Speaker 2 when I did this, I did it because the people.

Speaker 2 Money. He did it because of money.
Money.

Speaker 2 And that also. It's a paycheck.
What do you mean? Also, you have to imagine, five days after my dad died, I'm now on the set doing this thing. Also, let's back it up.
Right. And I had relapsed.

Speaker 2 You had fun doing it. My knee blew out.
I was in a lot of pain as well. But I.

Speaker 2 I'm just parring it because I don't want people to go, he's not funny, you know. You're going to be funny on it, Bob.
You know, you are. I don't think so.
Have you seen any of it?

Speaker 2 Yeah. Get closer to the mic, Jules.
Yeah, I've seen one. You have? Yeah.
Live. She was there live.
Okay, look me in the face. Don't pay any attention to him.
Was it funny? Yeah.

Speaker 2 She closed her eyes before she said no. I know she did.
No. No.

Speaker 2 Yeah. And then she said, no, that was the real answer that she really meant.
Yeah, yeah. Damn, rude.
You're mean. I'm starting to see the real you.
Yeah. See, thank you.
It is funny, isn't it? It is.

Speaker 2 It is. I told you.
I bet you my life was funny. Anyway, people, you know, Rob Gonkrowski.
Yeah. Both the Williams sisters? No, just Venus.

Speaker 2 How do you know which one's which?

Speaker 2 Because one's name's Venus. I don't know.
What?

Speaker 2 They're identical twins. What if they sent in? But Serena never.
What if one day Serena showed up? Would you have known? I don't, like the Sklar brothers. Yeah, they can switch.
You'd never know.

Speaker 2 No, honestly, when you see the Sklar brothers, do you know which one is which? Randy and Jason, I do know who's who. Because I've known them long enough.
I don't know Venus and Serena Williams.

Speaker 2 They could easily trick me. Yeah,

Speaker 2 I don't know the difference, but I just assume. I made an assumption.
That's like a Disney thing. I hope they, like, one day Serena was like, I'll go in for you.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 Who was the better tennis player? Venus, right?

Speaker 2 I think Serena was more of that, but I don't want to say that. I'm stupid.
I don't know tennis. But

Speaker 2 they're from Los Angeles. But like, like,

Speaker 2 I'm going to get in trouble for saying this, but

Speaker 2 I'm going to get in real big trouble. But I think Serena was offered first, and she didn't want to do it.
So she gave it to Venus. So I think Venus is doing, but check this out.

Speaker 2 You know, I wasn't the first offer.

Speaker 2 You weren't the first guy they picked, the first Korean guy they picked? It broke my heart when I heard that. Why does it matter if you got the job?

Speaker 2 Beep, beep, beep. You don't want to be first choice?

Speaker 2 You don't want to be first choice? You want to be fifth choice? I don't care.

Speaker 2 Be honest with me.

Speaker 2 I don't care. All right, so I want to say this.
I don't care. Why would you care? Who cares? It's your job.
You ended up with the job.

Speaker 2 All right, so I'm going to to ask you this. I did a bad TV show, a terrible TV show, multiple of them, but I did one in Las Vegas called Cin City Saints.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 I auditioned to be an ancillary character. And then they were like, well, what if you try the main role, the lead role?

Speaker 2 And then I tried it and I got it. I wasn't there.
They didn't want me. I wasn't their choice.
And it ended up working out.

Speaker 2 I don't care. That story has nothing to do with my story.
Same kind of thing. It wasn't for me.
They didn't want me at all. They didn't even audition me for it.

Speaker 2 It just so happened to work out that that they were like, well, maybe you should try it. And I tried it and it worked.

Speaker 2 It happens all the time that people get roles that I would love to get and they get them before me. Or, and I'm fifth in line.
This has happened to me a thousand times where they go,

Speaker 2 yeah, they're waiting. You know, I just, you know, I tested it.

Speaker 2 Sometimes I wish

Speaker 2 I wish you were on my side. But I can't be.
Sometimes I wish that you were my friend. I am.
Sometimes I wish that you were my foundation. I can't be.
Sometimes I wish that you were my love.

Speaker 2 No, wait. Sometimes I am your love.
I wish that you suck, my dick. I won't.
Sometimes I wish that you tightened your ass. I will.
I wish you would go on your belly.

Speaker 2 Sometimes. You know what that song was? That was our rendition of Baby It's Cold Outside.
I know. You know? I really can't.
You're right. You're right.
You know what? You just twisted my mind around.

Speaker 2 Baby, he's a cold outside. What did I twist your mind around? You're right.
I shouldn't be sensitive about it. Yeah.
Is the show not funny? I don't think it, for me, I think the show's great.

Speaker 2 I don't think that I'm great on it.

Speaker 2 Why do you say that? Because I was there, and there were so many moments where they were like, don't say that. You can't say that.

Speaker 2 Or I would say a joke. It would completely eat it.
And I was just a little confused. Also, I was like not eating and sleeping, and I was high all the time.
It was a bad time. The show is great.

Speaker 2 The people are great in there. And I think that, and then maybe they'll cut around it, and maybe it'll look good.
I don't know. I think it'll look great.
Okay.

Speaker 2 How about this? I promise you. It'll be great.
Okay. You take my word for it.

Speaker 2 I was just staring at you, manifest all that stuff and talk about it. And I thought in my head, I'm going to watch it.
It's going to be good.

Speaker 2 I'm going to smile it and I'm going to call you to tell you that it's good. And you're not going to pick up.

Speaker 2 And you're not going to pick up.

Speaker 2 And I won't leave a voicemail because I don't want to. If we're true friends, though,

Speaker 2 if we're true friends, number one, will you watch it? I will. Because I saw every episode of Davey.
You did not.

Speaker 2 Is he lying? Did he watch my show, Dave? I don't know. Yeah.
Because she doesn't know.

Speaker 2 She doesn't know. Davey's great.
Did you really watch it? F-X. I think you're full of shit.
I did see it. I think you're fucking shit.
You feel very good. You saw every single episode.

Speaker 2 You're his friend in it. You saw every episode?

Speaker 2 Do you mean it? No.

Speaker 2 You're lying. I don't even know what you're saying.
So you're lying to me. I lie.
But will you watch this show and tell me the truth? Wait, you just said that you didn't watch my show. I know.

Speaker 2 Because I'm trying to get you to watch it. You didn't watch any episodes of my show?

Speaker 2 Who are you calling? Nobody. Did you watch any of my show?

Speaker 2 Not one? I saw their ads.

Speaker 2 You're good in the ads. They put you in some of the ads.

Speaker 2 They put me in some of the ads. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
You're real good in the ads.

Speaker 2 There was one where you're sitting down talking to Davey and going... What do I say in the ad? You're like...
You didn't even watch the ads. I didn't understand why this situation has happened.

Speaker 2 Something like that.

Speaker 2 Who are you calling? Davey? No. Okay.
I called Kalila.

Speaker 2 I'm telling her, you're going to get a nice coffee.

Speaker 2 Oh, if you did that, I would never. It would cause a war.
She would get so fucking mad. I would never do that to you.
Yeah, she would be mad. Look, I will watch the show.
It will be good. I promise.

Speaker 2 All right, that's it. That's all.
Let's move on from it. Let's talk about how much TV has changed.

Speaker 2 Let me show you a clip somebody sent me, and I thought this was fucking knockout, one of the funniest things I've ever seen.

Speaker 2 Look at how great this is. This is this is this guy, IG

Speaker 2 Jozu intern Twitter put this up.

Speaker 2 Look at how fucking great this is. I don't know what year this is from, but this is MTV2.

Speaker 2 Celebrate our differences.

Speaker 2 We got to celebrate our differences. Not your daughter, genuine jungle.
But because it's good, it's beautiful.

Speaker 2 When the whole world sings together,

Speaker 2 it's what you never,

Speaker 2 my aunt. That does not offend me.
It shouldn't. I love it.
Yeah, it's not. It's funny.
If television was like that, I would watch it, I guess.

Speaker 2 But I got to tell you, okay, you're saying that as an Asian person, it's not offensive to you, but I'm sure other Asians are offended. And I'm sure

Speaker 2 this is radically offensive for black people. You don't think this ooga booga boo? Oh, you're the ching chong-ching, ching-chong-ching is fucking not fucking.

Speaker 2 No, because that's what you guys sound like. I bet you, money, if Ian Edwards was here,

Speaker 2 he would go. And he would go.
Here, I'll tell you.

Speaker 2 Exactly. After you played it, he'd go,

Speaker 2 that's ridiculous.

Speaker 2 I know.

Speaker 2 It's ridiculous. Man, y'all crazy.
Yeah, but, you know, I think that if Gabriel Iglesias or George Lopez saw the Mexican thing, that we would all laugh in the same room.

Speaker 2 I bet you most black people wouldn't think that's funny. It probably isn't.
No, that's fucking racist. That's who they are.

Speaker 2 I just didn't realize that that was a bone sticking out of their fucking nose. And this is, by the way, this is my first acting gig.
I've never.

Speaker 2 Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 They sent us that. I think that's

Speaker 2 amazing. That was really on MTV.
I don't know. This could have been a sketch that somebody made, but kudos to whoever made it.
And

Speaker 2 this guy's Instagram and Twitter is up there, obviously. Yeah.
Shout out to him if he made it. That's very fucking good manipulation.

Speaker 2 But it does look like a commercial that would have been on MTV too back then, you know? Yeah. Like this looks like.
Celebrate our differences.

Speaker 2 We got to celebrate our differences.

Speaker 2 We got to celebrate our differences. Nacho Taco, Jimmy Chong.

Speaker 2 How beautiful

Speaker 2 when the whole world sings together.

Speaker 2 The nacho taco chimichanga makes me know it's a sketch.

Speaker 2 Here's what I mean. Like I knew, I know it's fake.
It's got to be fake. Whoever wrote that had a problem with black people, I think.
think.

Speaker 2 I think when he wrote it, like the black one was maybe somebody else wrote it. The black one wasn't as harsh.
And somebody in the room went, nah, dude, put the phone in the nose.

Speaker 2 That's so bad. And make it real.
But the ching chung, ching chong is still so sweet. Yeah.
Like, listen how sweet these guys sound when they say this.

Speaker 2 Ching chung, ching, chung, ching. Ching chung ching, chung chong.
It's so catchy. That's why I think that's a catchy.
That ching chung ching. Chung ching.
That's, you know.

Speaker 2 It's not the case. Do you think a show could survive out there if we went completely did a show like this completely the opposite end of the spectrum? If we did like racially insensitive.
Yes,

Speaker 2 it's so insensitive like that, right? Yeah.

Speaker 2 People know that they're coming to watch, right? Sure. You have a sketch show of five people.
Right. One of every race.
Yeah. You get the funniest black guy, me, you, right? Yeah.

Speaker 2 And a couple of others, right? And we just did a fucking

Speaker 2 offensive sketch show. It's actually very smart.

Speaker 2 We went more offensive than this. No, no, I'm saying, but it's smart if we got somebody from every race to be kind of the lead sketch writer of that sketch and we just participated in their sketch.

Speaker 2 Yes. Yeah, that could be cool.
Like if a black guy wrote the black sketch, you yeah,

Speaker 2 yeah, an Asian, yeah, and we're just participants in the sketch. It's got to be ethnic-appropriate writers.
Totally. Yeah, I think that let's try it.
That would break ground.

Speaker 2 Why are you smiling? Because it's a great idea. Yeah, I think we should try.
But you have to write the most offensive version. Oh, I already can do it.
Well, you did. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 You did for years on Man TV.

Speaker 2 You did the most racist shit you could do. First of all, I didn't.

Speaker 2 So many of your Asian characters were just so fucking racist.

Speaker 2 They were all that. Yeah, but I went, but I wanted to do like Johnny Gone.

Speaker 2 I wanted to do the craziest.

Speaker 2 Because

Speaker 2 there was a lot of Asian actors at the time who goes, I refuse to do an Asian accent. Well, yeah, because it was a fucking accent.

Speaker 2 I understand that, but I was like, you know, because this is the kind of shit

Speaker 2 that they're writing for us. But I went, you know what? Hold up a second.
Let me put my fucking two cents in the fucking bucket. Right.

Speaker 2 Let's do this. Go the other way.
Right. So that's essentially what I want to do.
Yeah. You know.
You did a good job.

Speaker 2 You know what? You're really making me mad today. Shut up.

Speaker 2 Shut up. Watch Bobby's show premiering on NBC.
What is it called, by the way? It's It's called Game On. Game On.
Yeah. Game On on NBC, featuring Bob Lee, one of the Williams sisters.

Speaker 2 Game On. I bet you it's going to be really good.
Hey, do you know any?

Speaker 2 This reminds me of that,

Speaker 2 of this sketch idea. Do you know, do you remember any old when we were kids, like racist street jokes?

Speaker 2 What's the most racist street joke? You know, like the cheap shitty. Well, I know, I know gay street jokes.
I don't know a lot of racist ones.

Speaker 2 You know the old joke, you know the old, like a blank, a blank, and a blank walk into a bar. Yeah, I have a couple of those.
Well, give me the walk into a bar. But I don't have the racial ones.

Speaker 2 I have gay ones. You don't have any racial ones? No, I never found those that funny.
Look at this one.

Speaker 2 A black guy walks into a bar, and the bartender says, get the fuck out.

Speaker 2 You get it? Say it again?

Speaker 2 I didn't get it. I honestly didn't get it.
Say it again. I think I missed it.
So let me just. A black guy walks into a bar.
Let me just say it. Yeah.
Is this what you said?

Speaker 2 A black guy

Speaker 2 walks into a bar. Yeah.
And the bartender says,

Speaker 2 get out? Get the fuck out. Get the fuck out.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 And then the black guy, what happened? He leaves.

Speaker 2 And then what happens? The bartender says. Where's the funny? It's been the bartender continues to serve the whites in the bar.
Oh!

Speaker 2 I get it. It's a bar in Boston.
Yeah, it's good. It's a bar in Boston.
Yeah. It's every bar.
Sorry, it's every bar in Boston.

Speaker 2 I like, do you like? I like really clean ones. Can't take credit for that joke, by the way.
Yeah, no, these are street jokes. I like really clean ones.

Speaker 2 Grasshopper walks in a bar. You know that one?

Speaker 2 You like that one? All right. Grasshopper walks to a bar.
Bartender says, hey, we have a drink named after you. And the grasshopper says, you have a drink named Steve?

Speaker 2 That's so stupid.

Speaker 2 I just want to like stupid shit like that. Yeah, that's funny.
You know, there's a lot of dumb ones like that. Like,

Speaker 2 so this kid, right,

Speaker 2 is

Speaker 2 in the middle of the street on a gigantic wooden box, right? Have you heard this one? No. Right.
And he's on the wooden box and he's jumping up and down, right?

Speaker 2 16.

Speaker 2 16. 16.
16. 16.
This man walks across the street and goes, hey kid, what are you doing? Kid goes, oh my God, this is so fun. You got to try it, sir.

Speaker 2 It doesn't seem fun.

Speaker 2 Trust me.

Speaker 2 Do it. Right.
So the old man, okay, I'll try. He gets up there, 16, right? And he pulls the box underneath the old man.
And the old man falls into a manhole. And the kid goes, 17.

Speaker 2 That's a great joke. Thank you.
That's really good. Not yours.
It's a street joke. You know, I got so many.
Give me another street joke. I'm trying to think of one that's actually good.

Speaker 2 I told you one. I think I told one on this podcast already.
Yeah, but I'll tell it again because it's my favorite old joke. My friend Elliot Haggerty told it to me, British guy.

Speaker 2 And he says,

Speaker 2 two blokes.

Speaker 2 I love doing it in his accent because it's bad. Two blokes, two blokes, two gay guys flying back on a midnight flight to London from New York.

Speaker 2 In the middle of the flight, a boyfriend turns to the other boyfriend and says, oy,

Speaker 2 fuck me.

Speaker 2 and the first one says i'm not gonna that's crazy i'm fucking in the airplanes fuck people all over he goes come on hunt fuck me

Speaker 2 i'm not gonna and he goes everyone's sleeping

Speaker 2 he goes watch he stands up and he goes oi can i borrow a pencil

Speaker 2 and nobody moves he turns to his boyfriend he goes see everyone's sleeping and he goes say it louder then

Speaker 2 stands up and he goes oi Can I borrow a pencil?

Speaker 2 Nobody moves. Nobody even blinks an eye.
Turns to the boyfriend, he goes, good now then? He goes, all right, hop on. So they fuck, right? The plane lands in London next day.

Speaker 2 Everyone's deboarding the plane, except for one man, one row behind where the two boyfriends were sitting. And he's sitting there wide-eyed in shock.
And he's got throw-up all over his chest.

Speaker 2 He's got vomit all over his chest, wide-eye in shock. And the flight attendant says, sir, what happened? Are you okay? And he goes,

Speaker 2 I don't know. And he goes,

Speaker 2 why wouldn't you say something? Why wouldn't you yell out to someone, alert someone that you'd gotten sick? And he goes, yell out and say something.

Speaker 2 In the middle of the flight, a bloke stood up and asked for a pencil. And then another bloke fucked him in the ass.

Speaker 2 That's one of my favorite jokes. That's a long one.
That's a good joke. I have the longest joke.

Speaker 2 No payoff. Yeah, give it to me.
All right, but it's so long. Yeah, but go.
The payoff is so bad. I don't care.
Oh, you want to hear it? Yeah. Okay.

Speaker 2 This joke is about a magician named Antonio the Magnificent. Antonio the Magnificent.
He was a gigantic Vegas star. Sold out shows.
The best magician in the universe.

Speaker 2 David Copperfield had nothing on this guy, right? Every show. He'd do four shows a night.
Sell out every show. But now he's getting old.

Speaker 2 He wants to retire. So he decides to have his final show in Vegas.

Speaker 2 And

Speaker 2 he wanted to create the most magnificent magic trick that no one's ever seen. Oh, wow.
Right. So he, you know, he spends a week thinking about it, brings in a crew, they create it, right?

Speaker 2 And so he goes, I've got it down. So he has his final show.
And at the end of his show, right?

Speaker 2 He goes, for my final trick, no one's ever done this before in human history. And this is the greatest magic trick ever, but I need a volunteer.
right

Speaker 2 can i have the strongest man in the audience help me come up on stage and and volunteer for this trick? Right? And no one raises their hand. And he goes, come on, somebody, the strongest man, please.

Speaker 2 And in the fifth row, this six foot nine,

Speaker 2 300-pound, yoked southern guy, Billy Bob, he slowly raises his hand. I can try.

Speaker 2 Right?

Speaker 2 I'll do it.

Speaker 2 Right?

Speaker 2 So

Speaker 2 Billy Buff,

Speaker 2 Billy Buff

Speaker 2 walks on stage. You know, he's shy.
He hasn't been in front of a crowd before.

Speaker 2 What do you want me to do?

Speaker 2 And Antonio goes, do you see that metal bat there? Billy Bop.

Speaker 2 Billy Bop goes.

Speaker 2 Philly Pop goes.

Speaker 2 Yeah, I see the metal bat. Pick that metal

Speaker 2 bat up

Speaker 2 and hit me in the face.

Speaker 2 As hard as you can, right? Billy Bob whispers to him. He goes, hey, man, I told you, you know, I'm really strong.
I'm going to really hurt you, you know, like you could die.

Speaker 2 And Antonio goes, don't worry about it, Billy Bob. I'm a magician.
I'm the greatest magician. Just do it.

Speaker 2 Billy Bob goes, all right. So Billy picks up the bat.
He cocks back. He swings it at Antonio's face.
It hits him in the forehead. Antonio's face opens up a little bit.

Speaker 2 And blood starts squirting.

Speaker 2 And his eyes roll back.

Speaker 2 He goes into a standing convulsion.

Speaker 2 He falls on his back and he starts convulsing right and he just slips right into a coma right so cut two right

Speaker 2 you're gonna eat the payoff

Speaker 2 you're gonna eat the payoff

Speaker 2 i told you it's the longest joke i know all right so cut two right Antonio's in in the in in the hospital he's he's he's at life support yeah right he's in a coma right billy Bob feels so bad.

Speaker 2 He quits his job. He's from Georgia.
Right.

Speaker 2 You know, backstory. Yeah.
Right. He quits his job and he decides, you know what? I'm going to sit.
I'm going to visit Antonio

Speaker 2 every single day until he gets out of this coma. Right.
Right.

Speaker 2 So every day he comes, sits next to Antonio's side. Right.

Speaker 2 A year goes by.

Speaker 2 Okay.

Speaker 2 Are you okay? I don't know why. This is so dumb.
So a year goes by, right?

Speaker 2 And the doctor comes in and he goes, I'm sorry, Billy Bob, but we're going to have to take Antonio off of life support. There's no sign, right? And Billy Bob goes, are you sure, doctor?

Speaker 2 And then Billy Bob looks at Antonio's fingers. Have you heard this show before? No.
Right. And he looks at Antonio's pinky

Speaker 2 and it's moving.

Speaker 2 Right?

Speaker 2 And Billy Bell goes, Look, doctor, his pinky's proofing. Right?

Speaker 2 And doctor goes, oh, that is a sign. So maybe we won't take him off of life support.
A month goes by. Doctor comes back in and goes,

Speaker 2 I'm sorry, Billy Bob, but one pinky isn't, you know, I mean, a sign. We're going to have to take him a lot.
But he goes, Billy Bell, look, his other pinky. And that, lo and behold,

Speaker 2 lo and behold, right? Both pinkies are moving. Both pinkies are moving, right? Doctor goes five.
Next month goes fine, right?

Speaker 2 Another finger. The ring finger.
The ring finger, right? So as months goes by, the same thing happens. Every month, the doctor comes in and a new finger is moving, right? Eventually, right?

Speaker 2 All the fingers are moving. Got it.
Right?

Speaker 2 Right?

Speaker 2 And so

Speaker 2 the doctor comes in and goes, I'm sorry, Billy Bob, even though all his fingers are moving, right?

Speaker 2 It doesn't mean, right, that, you know, he's reviving or, right, we still have, we're going to take him off of life support. Yeah, we got to let him go.
It's been 10 fucking months.

Speaker 2 We got to let him go. All this crazy shit, right?

Speaker 2 And Billy Bob goes, okay. And he looks down at Antonio.
And all of a sudden, Antonio's eyes kind of flutter like this. And it opens, right?

Speaker 2 Right?

Speaker 2 And Billy Bob goes, doctor, doctor, his eyes are open. And the doctor goes, are you sure? And Antonio looks at the doctor, then looks at Antonio and goes, ta-da!

Speaker 2 Oh my God.

Speaker 2 No.

Speaker 2 Ta-da!

Speaker 2 Ta-da!

Speaker 2 Rudy?

Speaker 2 That was a great joke, Bo. I don't know why that joke.
I love that joke. Tada.
Tada is the punchline. Can I give you one more street joke? Is it long? It's just bad.
No, it's really bad and short.

Speaker 2 These are all bad. Yeah.

Speaker 2 A guy goes into the doctor, right?

Speaker 2 And he has a massively long penis. Huge.
It's fucking huge. And he walks in the doctor, and the doctor says, what seems to be the problem? And he says,

Speaker 2 God, God, God, God, I got it.

Speaker 2 God, God, God, God, I get it. God, God, God, it gets

Speaker 2 some help.

Speaker 2 I can't. I can't.

Speaker 2 Can't

Speaker 2 finish the

Speaker 2 sentence.

Speaker 2 And the doctor says, well,

Speaker 2 maybe you just have a really tremendous stutter.

Speaker 2 We'll do some research on you. And they do research on him.
And they find out all of the blood that should be rushing to his brain is rushing to his big, big penis.

Speaker 2 The doctor says to the big penis man, he says, I'm going to have to remove a big chunk of your penis. You know, you've got too much dick, and we're going to take away a lot of it.

Speaker 2 We're going to take a lot of it, but you're still going to be left with a fine penis. It's just, it needs the blood to get back to your brain.
It's all stick to your penis.

Speaker 2 And the man says, well, well, well, well, you got it, got it, got it.

Speaker 2 What do you got it? Do, do, do, do, do.

Speaker 2 and so they so the doctor says okay so they cut off the man's penis and they cut it down to less than half right

Speaker 2 and they put the rest of the penis aside yeah okay

Speaker 2 and uh and the guy leaves right and a month goes by and he comes back into the doctor he says doc

Speaker 2 I can't live like this. You need to give me my penis back.

Speaker 2 You need to reattach the other part of my penis because now I have this small penis and I don't like it and my stutter is gone, but I just, I just, I can't get laid.

Speaker 2 And girls think my penis looks weird and I wish it was back to the way it was.

Speaker 2 And it was even better better then even though I didn't you know had sex that much and I couldn't really finish the sentence But it didn't really matter because now girls don't want to sleep with me at all So you you got to attach my penis back and the doctor says go go go go go go go

Speaker 2 He surgically put his penis back on.

Speaker 2 That's rare. The doctor took his penis, dude.
Wow. The doctor took his penis.

Speaker 2 I want to say to Rudy and all the other graduates of the 2020 class, because she's graduating her grade, congratulations. Congratulations to everybody that's graduating.
Really happy for you guys.

Speaker 2 You did it. College is not going to be worth it.
You're going to spend a lot of money, and Bernie's not going to pay for it. So, guess what? Yeah.
Welcome to the real world, Bernie.

Speaker 2 I have to say, I have to admit that. Did you see Keenan Ivory Wayne's

Speaker 2 speech on

Speaker 2 his speech on what? He did his commencement message.

Speaker 2 Well, yeah. No.
It is so fucking funny at the end. I laughed.
I don't know where Kalila found it, but

Speaker 2 it was so fucking funny.

Speaker 2 Keenan Ivory Wayans

Speaker 4 message maybe that's it yeah that's it let's hear his graduation message the ending is the good payoff well let's hear a little bit it's only two minutes hi everybody this is Keenan Ivory Wayans I just want to say congratulations to the class of 2020 I know this sucks you worked your ass off and now you don't even get to walk but that's what makes you the greatest generation of this new millennium in the face of a global pandemic you stayed focused continue to work hard, and achieve your goals.

Speaker 4 That's the kind of leaders we're going to need in the future. I wish you guys all the best.
Keep striving.

Speaker 2 Keep smiling. It's really nice.

Speaker 2 Jane?

Speaker 2 Let me use your phone.

Speaker 2 No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

Speaker 2 That's so funny. It's very funny.
No, no, no, no, no, no.

Speaker 2 That's a great bit. It's a great bit.
And which kid was that? That's his son. How many does he have? 52.

Speaker 2 There's so many Wayne's. There's so many Waynes.
They're all nice, too. Damon Waynes Jr.
had hit me up about something on Twitter.

Speaker 2 And I said, will you make me a William,

Speaker 2 a Waynes now? And he said, you're in. So I'm an honorary Wayne.
Oh, shit. I'm in.
I want to be a Waynes. Can't do it.

Speaker 2 can't do it i love that guy uh damon waynes jr yeah they're all great they're all very i haven't met one that's not i've never met a way

Speaker 2 fuck that guy no they're all so nice that's crazy

Speaker 2 and they're so successful too it's annoying yeah they're amazing people very funny people i remember watching damon wayne's um his first hbo special thinking that it was the funniest thing i had ever seen i mean if you look back now i mean i've been in comedy for a very long time very very very

Speaker 2 well not that long how long you've been in comedy for over 20 years how How long? Over 20 years. How long? How long? 24 years.
Wow. Yeah.
How long do you think I've been in comedy for?

Speaker 2 12 years.

Speaker 2 14. 14 years.
4th of July will be my 14th birthday of comedy. I moved here on the 4th of July.
Isn't it amazing? Yeah. Congratulations for not quitting.

Speaker 2 What the fuck does that mean? That you wanted me to quit? Did you think I was going to quit?

Speaker 2 I didn't think you had the backbone.

Speaker 2 Backbone. You don't think I have the backbone?

Speaker 2 Yeah, because there's a lot of sacrifice. You don't think I have the backbone? There's a lot of sacrifice that you need to have,

Speaker 2 and I didn't think you could sacrifice. But you did.
What was the sacrifice you don't think I could have sacrificed? Just the years of not getting paid, the years of slowly climbing up the system.

Speaker 2 You know, that's a difficult thing. I thought you were weak in that way, but you weren't.
So that's my bad. You thought I was weak in that way.
I just didn't think you had the resolve to do it. Why?

Speaker 2 What would have given you that impression?

Speaker 2 You're just a s.

Speaker 2 Hey, guys. You know what I mean? I was like, dad, that guy's not.

Speaker 2 That's me. I'm Hey.
Hey, guys. That's me? Well, whatever.
What's up, fellas? This is me. Hey, guys.

Speaker 2 It's something like that. Okay, this is you.

Speaker 2 All right. Anyway.

Speaker 2 Anyway.

Speaker 2 Okay, so this week,

Speaker 2 our special guest is back. Andreas lit us up two weeks ago.
His jokes were really good, making fun of you and me. They're pretty good.
They're pretty good. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Let's call the kid and see what he's got.

Speaker 2 He may have something good, he may have nothing. You never know with him.

Speaker 2 He's a fancy bee.

Speaker 2 Fancy B. Fancy B.

Speaker 2 Our special guest is Andreas the Fancy B Rosende. We're excited.

Speaker 2 He's going to be giving us his stand-up comedy stylings, and if he's good enough, he's going to open for me and Bobo when we go back on the road. You ready?

Speaker 2 You ready? Okay. Okay.
Yeah,

Speaker 2 let's hear it, sweetheart. Okay.

Speaker 5 Wait a second.

Speaker 2 I'm ready. Yeah? Wait a second.

Speaker 2 He has to wear his dice jacket.

Speaker 6 What's up? Is that a rack of DVDs back there, or is that books?

Speaker 2 Oh, shit.

Speaker 2 Oh!

Speaker 2 What's up, motherfuckers?

Speaker 5 You guys keep coming back for more, huh? I guess you really need some talent on this show.

Speaker 5 Who produces this shit, by the way? Because I want to see George. Now I'm missing you.

Speaker 5 How bad do you have to suck at your job

Speaker 5 that you get replaced by a high school girl and the show gets better?

Speaker 2 That's a master degree, right?

Speaker 5 In what? Laughing too hard? Wow, one day it was so loud in there that the neighbors called animal control because they thought you guys have a hyena in the room.

Speaker 5 George reminds me to that kid in Home Alone. If he grew up to have dancing,

Speaker 5 he wants to be a comedian. Oh yeah, he really wants to just stand up.
Your comedic inspiration is Donny Krueger.

Speaker 5 Because you suck, but you don't know how much you suck.

Speaker 5 Learn from me.

Speaker 5 Michael Green's inspiration, Freddy Kruger. Because I kill every time.
Even in your dreams.

Speaker 2 Anyway,

Speaker 5 so let's talk to someone else. Who else is here? Oh yeah, let's go to our favorite mute of bad friends.
rose

Speaker 5 hey rose what a journey you had

Speaker 5 you left mayo headed for this

Speaker 5 i know

Speaker 5 look rose or jules or rudy you had more nicknames

Speaker 5 than word you have said in this show

Speaker 5 it looks like you auditioned in for the quiet place every time

Speaker 5 and still

Speaker 5 You got more lines in than Bobby and the wrong misses.

Speaker 2 Oh, he takes out the mic, he's slapping it, he loves it. Wow!

Speaker 2 What?

Speaker 5 You're saying something, Jules? You have to speak into the mic.

Speaker 5 You know who that might, bro?

Speaker 5 Like Andrew, who is speaking on the center of the disaster, Ernest.

Speaker 2 Yeah, I can't.

Speaker 5 Because it smells like George's bread,

Speaker 5 which smells like balls.

Speaker 5 Because he sucked so much of it.

Speaker 5 Jules, I wanted to understand your struggles.

Speaker 5 So, I saw NTA's fiancé.

Speaker 2 And yeah,

Speaker 5 Roses Dad lives on a pig farm.

Speaker 5 So, how did you manage to find the only place in America that is worse than living with a pig? Living with Bobby Lee?

Speaker 5 See, what is the American dream? Cleaning millionaire's houses. That sounds more like the Mexican dream to me.

Speaker 5 I sympathize. I also came here looking for the American dream, but mine doesn't include a knife in meeting.

Speaker 5 You have some psycho dreams, girl. Living with Buppy Lee is like living with a puppy.
Except you can fully train a puppy.

Speaker 5 You came here as a teenager and now you have to raise one.

Speaker 2 Wow.

Speaker 5 Anyway, that's all I got for you guys.

Speaker 2 Yeah. Hey, let's heckle you.
Now we get to heckle you. Sure thing.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 Yeah, look at it.

Speaker 6 What's up, Pablo Espresso bar?

Speaker 2 I like that jean jacket. Whose is that? Tell me that's your girlfriend.

Speaker 5 This?

Speaker 5 Yeah. No, this is George's.

Speaker 2 That's even better. That's even better.
All right, see you. Andres, great job.
We love you. We love you.
Really fun.

Speaker 2 Bye, buddy. Real fun, bud.
You're the guy. Bye.
What a chance. What a guy.
Love him. Ripped you apart, Jules.
Jules, are you mad about that? No. No? You like that? When are you going to...

Speaker 2 You're going to do stand-up, too, right? We got to get some jokes for her. I know.

Speaker 2 If you wrote you jokes, will you tell it? I don't know. No, get closer to the mic, Jules.
I don't know.

Speaker 2 How about this?

Speaker 2 You should. You'd love to.

Speaker 2 Here's the thing. Because she did something for her school the other day.

Speaker 2 What did you do for your school? She had to do a video thing for her school. Look at her.

Speaker 2 Look at how. Look at her face now, right? What was it? And I'm like, can I see it? She's like, no.

Speaker 2 She won't let me watch anything. Well, because you're probably going to be judgmental about it.
She's afraid, huh? No, I'm not going to be judgmental. Look at how mad she is that I brought it up.

Speaker 2 What was the thing you had to do for school?

Speaker 2 It's like the one-man show. Wait, like a monologue? Yeah.

Speaker 2 Do you have it? Yeah, but I'm not proud of it. Can we see it? No.
Come on. Yeah.
No, I'm not proud of it.

Speaker 2 It's really bad.

Speaker 2 No. How about this?

Speaker 2 Why don't you just show us? We won't air it.

Speaker 2 Yeah, we won't air it. We'll cut it out.
Where is it?

Speaker 2 I love what I'm saying. All right, how about this?

Speaker 2 Everyone has a price. How much money does Tito Bobby need to pay you to show it? No.

Speaker 2 $1,000. It's really bad.
$1,000. $1,000.

Speaker 2 $1,000?

Speaker 2 $1,500. $1,500.

Speaker 2 $2,000. There's no amount of money.
You're not going to, you won't do it for $2,000. No.
$5,000.

Speaker 2 Holy shit.

Speaker 2 But she was in a play, though, when the school, when before the pandemic, she was in a play. What was it called?

Speaker 2 Something Rotten.

Speaker 2 Yeah. You don't know the name of the thing you were in? It's Something Rotten.
Oh, it's called Something Rotten. Something Rotten.
And then she had to take

Speaker 2 tap dancing lessons. She's hating this right now.
Right. So can you show some tap dancing moves?

Speaker 2 You took lessons. Yeah, but I was at the beginners level.
Show me the beginning moves. You know the beginning moves.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 i'm not good at it though it doesn't matter that's not the point rudy see here's what i'm trying to get her to do she

Speaker 2 come out of her shell not come out of her show she's so afraid of embarrassing herself or how she's gonna look and stuff but what i'm telling her yeah but she's in that age range yeah but i'm i'm i'm what i'm saying is is that when you go out people

Speaker 2 People are successful not because of their college education. Generally, people are successful because of communication skills.

Speaker 2 We know know dudes that have no fucking education at all, but they can make a living just by

Speaker 2 the way they can communicate. You're sure.
And so I'm telling her that that's the key to success is to learn how to communicate and to take risks and to be bold. Yeah.

Speaker 2 And you're not, you're just in your shell. You're in your shell.
And we want to get you.

Speaker 2 So on this show, I think that this is a great opportunity for us to set up situations for you to say things and to perform.

Speaker 2 You know, and if you don't like them, we can always cut it out, you know? But we won't.

Speaker 2 Yeah, we won't. Yeah, we're going to leave it.
We will leave it for sure, right? So we're going to give you an assignment for next week. Yeah, next week.
So what's the assignment?

Speaker 2 I want you to make... Have her sing something.

Speaker 2 I want you to make a tap dancing video for us.

Speaker 2 If you don't want to sing, you don't have to, but a tap dancing video for us, an instructional video for me and Tito to learn how to tap dance because we want to. We talked about it a bunch.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 Okay. So I'm going to tape it on my iPhone.
Okay. Yeah.
I'm going to tape you, right? And we're going to do Juliana's Tap Dancing Beginner's Course.

Speaker 2 And some of the excerpts from Something, what was it called? Something's Rotten. Something's Rotten.
Okay. Can you do the steps from Something's Rotten?

Speaker 2 I wasn't part of the dance. I was part of the acting.
Why did you take tap then?

Speaker 2 For the callbacks.

Speaker 2 Oh.

Speaker 2 You didn't get the part where you had the tap dance. Yeah.
So you have lines in this

Speaker 2 play?

Speaker 2 Hey, that's okay. We don't get a lot of stuff.
And we get callbacks, and we don't get a lot of stuff.

Speaker 2 Sometimes we're in second position.

Speaker 2 But did you have lines

Speaker 2 in the show?

Speaker 2 I think so. Okay.
Will you do some of the lines in the show? No, it was only one line. Can you do the one line?

Speaker 2 I forgot.

Speaker 2 One line and you forgot it? I can't remember a line. Do your one line from fucking uh forget uh wrong missy.
Uh um

Speaker 2 do your line.

Speaker 2 Hey, um, Mr. and Mrs.
Something.

Speaker 2 You have a res reservation? I don't know.

Speaker 2 Yeah, so I guess it is easy to forget one line, huh? No, I guess that's it. You forgot one line.
That's fine. That happens.

Speaker 2 We gotta do something like will you karaoke something next week? Yeah, she will.

Speaker 2 Okay.

Speaker 2 live karaoke that's the homework assignment is you have to think about what you want to present to the show next week because the fans want to see it the fans love you yeah the fans absolutely adore you they actually a lot of fans love the andreas pit a lot of them don't like andreas doing stand-up i love it i don't care yeah there's never really been anything negative about jules on the on the they love her they love her and they should

Speaker 2 and they should because she's the best but if they're sending dirty dms we're going to dig into those dms and you're if you're showing your pip pep also this she had to create a different um instagram account because she her private one got hacked.

Speaker 2 No, how many people do you are following you on your private one? Um, like 900.

Speaker 2 So, you have 900 on your private one, and you have 10,000 on

Speaker 2 8,000 on the Rudy one, 10,000 on that one? Almost? Yeah,

Speaker 2 likely. We're going to get you to 100 grand.
100,000. But the thing is, is I just said it again.
You've said it all podcast. The thing is?

Speaker 2 It's the thing you do. It's part of it.
How How about the

Speaker 2 time? Every time I say it, I owe somebody money.

Speaker 2 I don't want to say it anymore. Can that be a thing? Yeah.
I want to do a charity thing. Okay.
I'm going to bring in a bucket. Yeah.
And every time you say something, you have to put in a dollar.

Speaker 2 And I'm going to tell you because I'm trying to bring out of that. Start bringing singles.
I'll bring singles. And what charity are we going to donate to?

Speaker 2 Probably the comedy store fund. No.

Speaker 2 No. Something like real, like Children's Hospital or something.
Children's Hospital. What's a charity? Pneumonia.

Speaker 2 Is there a charity that you know that you like, jules um like she's already in her head now look at her well because she's pissed off that you talked about the tap dancing and now everybody knows yeah yeah we're gonna find that video whether you like it or not it's gonna go up on the show she's so angry yep it's gonna get hundreds of thousands of eyeballs watching you tap dance oh there's no video oh there will be

Speaker 2 tito baby's gonna make a video and guess what you don't want to tap you don't want to make the video

Speaker 2 out on the street there's a nice bridge there's a nice bridge down the street you can sleep under it's a nice overpass are you prepared for that you're gonna get involved one way or another bissy

Speaker 2 All right. I'm tired of your fucking bullshit.
You're going to get involved. Yep.

Speaker 2 All right. Yep.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 God.

Speaker 2 All right. Thank you for being a bad friend.