Shoot The TV

Speaker 1 I know every operating system I can back up. In my current role, I'm a company.
I've got five years of experience and have worked with several people from your company.

Speaker 1 I've been recognized for my passion. My team is everything.

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Speaker 2 See why 86% of small businesses who post a job on LinkedIn get a qualified candidate within a day. Post a job for free at linkedin.com/slashachie.
LinkedIn, your next great hire, is here.

Speaker 1 So get your tickets to see Bobby Lee Live at BobbyLeelive.com. Don't say, but say you.
It's you. Do it.
Do it. Take your time.
Get your tickets to see me

Speaker 1 at BobbyLeelive.com. And my dates are coming up.
What are they, Bob?

Speaker 1 Don't tell me what to do, but I'll tell you what they are. Denver Comedy Works March 12th to the 14th.

Speaker 1 Are you downtown? Yeah. Larimer Square is the best.
I've been there before. How many shows are you doing? Just five.
Oh, I did six. Yeah, they wanted to do seven, but I said no.

Speaker 1 They wanted to do 13 for me, but I said it's an unlucky number. Let's do 17.

Speaker 1 I'm going to do Houston, Texas, the Houston Improv, March 27th through the 29th. Dallas, Texas, at the Addison Improv, April 3rd through the 5th.

Speaker 1 And I'm going to be at San Diego, California at the American Comedy Club

Speaker 1 April 30th through May 2nd. All right.
What's yours, friend? Come see me on the Red Rocket Tour. Go to AndrewSantino.com for tickets.
I'm in Philly, March 6th and 7th at the punchline.

Speaker 1 In Chicago, March 13th at Talia Hall. Then I'm at Mohegan's Sun, March 19th and 21, and then I'm in Cincinnati, March 27th, and then I'm in Cleveland, March 28th.

Speaker 1 Oh, and then

Speaker 1 on the 29th, I'll be in Houston for Skank Fest. You're going to be in Houston and the same time you have to come over and say hi.
Oh, yeah. Am I going to really be in the same place?

Speaker 1 Seriously, really? You're going to be in Houston at the same time you have to come say hi. Oh, cool.
We'll have dinner on a lot of

Speaker 1 come see us.

Speaker 3 You two are bad friends.

Speaker 1 Who are these two idiots?

Speaker 1 I'm an Asian dude.

Speaker 1 You guys are weird. Andrew.

Speaker 1 Have you seen a Korean guy around here?

Speaker 1 You two are disgusting. You guys are nuts.

Speaker 1 You guys are sick.

Speaker 1 You two are wholesome and decent. Oh, good.
You two are back together. You guys are freaks.

Speaker 1 You are a bad friend.

Speaker 1 You two are dangerous when you coordinate. You guys are gross.
You are you two or something. We're bad friends.
Bobby.

Speaker 1 Okay, I can't help that all Koreans. Bong Joon Ho.
Red is on a giant man. Bobby Reed.

Speaker 1 Okay, I can't.

Speaker 1 All right. I can't help it that.
Bong Joon Ho.

Speaker 1 That's it.

Speaker 1 Don't do it. I swear to fuck you guys.
Bobby, don't do it. All right.
You want to fuck?

Speaker 1 You want to fuck around? Don't point it at me.

Speaker 1 Stop doing bong joon.

Speaker 1 All right?

Speaker 1 Okay. Stop it.
I can't help it that Koreans are big-headed.

Speaker 1 Huge. Yeah, yeah, very mellow.
What size hat do you have? Like a nine and four-quarters? No, I have to get like

Speaker 1 tailored to my head. No.
Yeah. If I go to like Lids.
You don't go to Lids, though. Yeah, yeah.
They have to get that trash can, and they put the trash can on my head. Yeah.

Speaker 1 And then they just build the fucking, you know, the opening of a trash can. Like, if you got a bowl cut, they would have to use like a fucking, one of those huge salad bowls to cut your head.
Yay.

Speaker 1 Did you have a bowl cut when you were a kid? There's only two styles back then for Koreans. What was it? Bowl cut and just fucking monk it out.
Shave it down. Shave it down.
Double it up? Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 What do you know about this? Is real. I run in the neighborhood.
I'll tell you what's going on with me.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 My neck really hurts, by the way. I have a sore throat, may have the corona.
But I'll tell you what happened to me. Your corona virus? Corona.

Speaker 1 What happened? I had a rough two weeks, guys. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Oh, congratulations on Curb, by the way, that you were really good on it. You didn't see it.

Speaker 1 It didn't even come out yet.

Speaker 1 I mean, it came out, but you didn't see it. You were good at it.
You didn't see it. Yes, I did.
You liked it? Yeah, we were really good.

Speaker 1 What was your favorite line of mine? I don't memorize lines even. I've seen

Speaker 1 a good few men. A few good men? Yeah, and a good few men.
And then they,

Speaker 1 you know, you know how they quote that movie? I don't know any of the quotes, but I've seen the movie like a thousand times.

Speaker 1 Give me any movie quote that you remember then.

Speaker 1 Are you

Speaker 1 Are you looking at me?

Speaker 1 Is that what you're looking at? What is that? What movie could that be? Taxi driver.

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah. Hey, I wanna know what.
Hey, I'm walking here.

Speaker 1 I'm walking here. I'm walking here.
Here's. Here's.
Yeah, yeah, at midnight.

Speaker 1 And then I got so many quotes, actually.

Speaker 1 But you saw my curb episode and you thought it was really good. You're really good at it.
Okay.

Speaker 1 I thank you for that. Yeah.
Tell everyone where we were for the separation, that

Speaker 1 we were apart for a while. Where'd you go? So I went to Hawaii and

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 And I had a real traumatic experience there, to be honest with you, to be real. Then say it.
Well, I show up to, so I'm doing Magnum PI,

Speaker 1 and the director is RoboCop.

Speaker 1 The guy who was in the fucking RoboCop? The real RoboCop. He was the director? Yeah, yeah, yeah.
What's that guy's name? Peter Weller. Whoa, Peter Weller RoboCop.

Speaker 1 So I come up to him in the early morning. I didn't know he was directing.
I thought he was guest storing. So I see him in the morning and I go,

Speaker 1 oh my God.

Speaker 1 I'm a big fan of yours. I'm a big fan of yours, too, as well, is what he says.
Yeah. That sounds nice.
Like at five in the morning. There he is, Peter Weller.
Right? That was him.

Speaker 1 So then I show up on set

Speaker 1 and he comes up to me and I haven't, we haven't shot anything yet. And he goes,

Speaker 1 don't fuck this up.

Speaker 1 Joking around. I don't know.
Obviously, joking around. Yeah, well, I don't, to me, it didn't sound.

Speaker 1 And then he walked away and he went,

Speaker 1 you know what I mean? I was like, what the fuck? He is the, you know what I mean?

Speaker 1 Yeah, and then he goes, um,

Speaker 1 this is how he gives notes. What are you doing?

Speaker 1 More energy.

Speaker 1 He does it like RoboCop. Yeah, and he goes, inch, inch.
Right? And then he goes, Bobby, more Ed or G. No.

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah, that time, but that time, yeah. Bob.

Speaker 1 Bob.

Speaker 1 But then, by the last day of shooting, I had this one line I just could not comprehend. I can't even say the line now.
What do you mean? It was a line in the script I couldn't say. In terms of what?

Speaker 1 It was just hard to say. It's hard to say.

Speaker 1 What do you think? It was in the middle of a bunch of things I had to say, and I just

Speaker 1 couldn't remember what it was.

Speaker 1 And then

Speaker 1 all night long, he's like would just make fun of me just be like this kid right here can't even memorize one line shut up yeah in front of everybody oh yeah yeah and this is after you've rapped this is during the last day you know this is the last day oh what the fuck on set in front of people was like yeah i mean people you know he's he is you know he's obviously joking around yeah but it was but to me um it's just not fun it just puts a lot of like um added because i'm not even getting that much money for it and i'm doing it because i love the leads in it and stuff.

Speaker 1 It's fun to do, you know. But

Speaker 1 he's a guest director. He's not every episode.
No, every week. Yeah.

Speaker 1 So every week is somebody different. But

Speaker 1 so then that happened. And then I flew my mom to

Speaker 1 Maui. And Stevie, right? My brother Steve, yeah.
Yeah. And then yesterday,

Speaker 1 yeah.

Speaker 1 What? It came down.

Speaker 1 I made her cry. Why? My mom.
My mom cried in my bedroom. I know.
Why did you make her cry? BTS.

Speaker 1 backstreet no no no no

Speaker 1 because of bts man you know what bts is

Speaker 1 uh behind the no no behind the shit it's a huge the biggest pop group on earth oh oh they're the oh they're k-pop stars yeah i know who they are yeah yeah i know who they are

Speaker 1 atf

Speaker 1 no

Speaker 1 those are the ones that killed the people in uh waco

Speaker 1 that's what atf wait bts this is them yeah the biggest boy band in the world the biggest k-pop band literally in the world. And they are all so fucking hot.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Look at how good.

Speaker 1 Are these all boys? Yeah. That's a girl.
Yeah. That's a hot boy.
Yeah. I would fuck every one of them in their buttholes.
Can I tell you the one that I wouldn't? This one. I don't like his look.

Speaker 1 No, that was the one. Yeah, that was the one that barely got in.

Speaker 1 He auditioned 50 times.

Speaker 1 We need somebody.

Speaker 1 How about Oguro?

Speaker 1 And they're like, we don't, he can't dance, sing nothing. You know what I mean? But he'll just be in the back horondo.
He's in the background. Look at this.

Speaker 1 They don't even tell him where the camera is. Yeah, but he's looking this way.

Speaker 1 He just, you know, he finds out from the other guys when the photo shoots are. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
They don't call him directly. No, he has to get texted.
Yeah, Taco, Taco, Taco Tanaka. Tanaka.

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah, Wingo.

Speaker 1 His name is Wingo. Yeah, Wingo.
We have a photo shoot right now.

Speaker 1 They didn't tell me? Right, and he has to run.

Speaker 1 They won't even pick him up. He has to run with his little yellow legs.
Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 I'm your guy. Oh, look, look.

Speaker 1 He might be blind.

Speaker 1 They're all looking at the camera. Well, they're Asian.
That's rude. Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, you're right, man.
He's looking at the wrong.

Speaker 1 He wasn't. I know.

Speaker 1 So, what are their names, by the way? Can you name one of them real quick? I have no idea who they are. Let's go through their names.
Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 Let's learn who they are. Yeah.
Well, let me tell you the story first and then.

Speaker 1 Nah,

Speaker 1 I want to know who they are.

Speaker 1 Do you know what that BTS stands for? The Korean expression, bang tan, siona dane.

Speaker 1 How do you say this? Bang tan siona dane. Bang tan sion tan.
Bang tan siona dan.

Speaker 1 It literally means bulletproof Boy Scouts.

Speaker 1 Yeah. That's what they are.

Speaker 1 Shoot one. Fucking shoot one.
Do that.

Speaker 1 Shoot George. If you're going to shoot somebody, shoot George.
All right. I will Virginia tech this place up, bro.
How about this? How about this? Let's say you're going to give George a raise. Yeah.

Speaker 1 If you can shoot him every day. That was a bad joke, by the way.
That was so dark. Yeah, that was very black.
I skipped right over it.

Speaker 1 George is going to get a raise if he can shoot you every week. Would that be worth it?

Speaker 1 Every week. He shoots you one time in any body part he chooses, but you get a raise every week.
Chung Sung Wee. Until you basically

Speaker 1 own the show. You know who that is? Yeah.
Chung Sung-Wi? Chung Sung Wei.

Speaker 1 That's his name, right? The guy that shut up Virginia Tech. Oh, my God.
I don't want to talk about that shit. I have to talk about it.
No, let's talk about BTS.

Speaker 1 I want to talk about BTS, but I want to talk about him, too. I want to talk about BTS real fast.
All right, go ahead.

Speaker 1 Can I tell you what happened, though, you fuck?

Speaker 1 Oh, here we go. Clockwise from left.
Here's their names. Okay.

Speaker 1 One's just named the letter V.

Speaker 1 Really? Yeah. Kim Tae-hyung, also known by his stage name V, South Korean singer.
Then there's Jay Hope. Yeah.
Better known.

Speaker 1 Oh, that's Jung-ho-suk. Yeah, he's cute.

Speaker 1 Let's rate them. Yeah, okay.
Let's give him. Okay, let's go with the V first.
V is. That's the ugly one.
I'm going to give him a three. I just can't do it with him.
Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 He's got too many gaps in his teeth. Hope, hot.
Yeah, an eight. That's an eight or a nine.
Eight or nine. RM.

Speaker 1 Ooh.

Speaker 1 Wow. I not, you know, they took good pictures of him.
That's Kim Nam Joon, of course. Everybody knows him as RM.

Speaker 1 Yeah. I think I gave him a

Speaker 1 six. Five and a half.
Six. Then Jin himself.
Everybody loves Jin.

Speaker 1 Kim Seuokjin is the shit. Yeah, yeah.
He's a 10-10.10. He'd suck my dad.
How do you say 10 in Korean? 10.

Speaker 1 And then Jimin is.

Speaker 1 Oh, shit. You know what? You know, I like, but this is Park Jimin.
Everyone knows Park is someone who's...

Speaker 1 And the photo says it all. Cute and flirty, and I love sugary cereal.
He's a cute guy. He's cute.
I like him. And then who do we got left? We just got five more.
John Cook. Yeah, John Cook.
Oh,

Speaker 1 that's a villain in a movie, huh? This actually looks like if you photoshopped, you know, if someone did like a de-aging thing on you. Yeah.

Speaker 1 That could be, that was like you when you were a little boy. That looks like you.
Maybe.

Speaker 1 He's the type of guy that like at a party, he comes out naked and they think that he is doing the Buffalo Bill thing where he's tucking his dick around the man giant.

Speaker 1 And people are like, stop doing that. He's like, I'm not doing it.

Speaker 1 And last is Suga.

Speaker 1 It's Min Yun Gi.

Speaker 1 That's a good one, too. Min Yun Gi.
Is it Gi or G? Gi. I don't fucking know, bro.
Dude, you speak it. I don't barely.
You speak it enough. I've heard you say it.

Speaker 1 So anyway, can I tell you what happened? So BTS.

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Speaker 1 Let me fucking tell you what happened.

Speaker 1 So, my mom and I, my mom, you know, maybe a couple years ago, Papi,

Speaker 1 I want to watch all your iTunes movies. She She wants to watch all your iTunes movies.
Yeah, yeah. And you're, I like Elton John, so I want to listen to all the music you have on your.

Speaker 1 So I go, easy, mom, let's just link up our fucking phones, right? So you can have my iTunes account, whatever, right? Got it.

Speaker 1 But so during this, so I fly my mom because my dad died, remember, in August? So I just, I decided to like try to do things with my mom.

Speaker 1 And so I wanted to take her to Maui and do all the road to HANA and do all the shit, right?

Speaker 1 And so

Speaker 1 she would be like, hey, my mom, we're gonna go. She's like, I tired.

Speaker 1 She would say,

Speaker 1 again, but we have the day planned.

Speaker 1 My back hurt. I tired.

Speaker 1 She probably was tired and in pain. No, she wasn't.
And so we go, all right, we're leaving without you. So we left.

Speaker 1 And so on my phone.

Speaker 1 And this is not an exaggeration because Kalila and my brother counted probably 10,000 BTS screenshots, right?

Speaker 1 On my phone. From every time she was just screenshotting pictures of them? Yes.

Speaker 1 Right. So now I have to delete, like, you're just deleting thousands at a time.

Speaker 1 And when you would delete them, she would add another thousand. Wait, why was she doing it on accident? Does she not know she was doing it? No,

Speaker 1 purposely.

Speaker 1 And so basically, her back hurts, right?

Speaker 1 But that's not what it is. No.
She's just sitting in the hotel room, screen.

Speaker 1 She's obsessed because when we, on her uh christmas all she wanted to do one wanted was bts photos and posters and shirts and memorabilia yeah did you get that for her oh yeah can you get her to a show no no she's done what she's fucking done with it she's done with the fucking bts it's crazy it's weird and we're not doing it anymore what's weird about it She's lonely.

Speaker 1 She's an older woman. She finds a lot of joy in these young little Korean boys.
What's wrong with that? Because she says shit like, How come you don't look like this?

Speaker 1 You know when she says that? Hold up a mirror to her. Yeah.
And just go. Well, actually, my mom,

Speaker 1 if you look at my mom, actually, your mom is actually

Speaker 1 in her 40s and 30s and stuff. She was hot as fuck.
I know. And your dad was

Speaker 1 a shoe. Your father looked like the ugly.
My dad was like, you know, they laid him down on his back and they just said, run over nine steamrollers over his face, like the big construction kind.

Speaker 1 That's what my dad looked like. I thought you said when he passed away,

Speaker 1 they laid him on his stomach because they didn't want anybody to see him. They were freaking.

Speaker 1 Yeah. He was an ugly fucker.
In fact,

Speaker 1 even as a kid, I remember. Who looks more like, does Stevie look more like your mom? It's a combination, but people say my brother looks more like my mom, yeah.

Speaker 1 Yeah, because you don't really look like your mom that much. No, no, no.
They say that you lean toward my dad a little bit. I don't think you do.
I think you're a handsome young man. Okay.

Speaker 1 So what happened? So anyway, so

Speaker 1 all day long, I'm like deleting thousands of BTS things. Yeah.

Speaker 1 And I can't come home and I to the hotel room and I knock. I open it like just fucking Clint Eastwood, you know, the good, the bad, and the ugly.
And I was just like, this has to stop.

Speaker 1 She's like, what did I do? Right? I go, you every, all you, that's all you do is lay down in bed and screenshot BTS things. And I know she masturbates to them.
No, she doesn't. She does.

Speaker 1 No, she doesn't.

Speaker 1 Her little old yellow coochie, she just.

Speaker 1 You know what I mean? I wish my son looked like this

Speaker 1 you know what i mean yeah you're right so

Speaker 1 yeah yeah yeah so i go like uh like when you stir mac and cheese and she go and then she goes but she goes but

Speaker 1 i lonely oh bomb i go i don't give a fuck

Speaker 1 yeah yeah right she's lonely i don't give a fuck so then i go um and then um i go it's has to stop it's an addiction it's fucking weird you know what i mean and then she puts her she lays on the bed and she puts her jacket over her head And I could just see this.

Speaker 1 Why are you laughing? I just see this on the bed. I go, what's going on, mom? And my brother takes the jacket off, and she's just crying.
Oh, no. I thought she was laughing.
No, no, no, no, no. She's,

Speaker 1 I'm not hurting anybody.

Speaker 1 That's right. She's not.
She's not. I know she's not.
You're so mean. I'm the worst.
Why did you do that to her? Because I had to fucking all day long delete. Make Kalila, ask Kalila to do it.

Speaker 1 She knows that she's.

Speaker 1 We would hand the phone in the fucking car i go you do a thousand

Speaker 1 she just would keep doing yeah do it and then you would finish it yeah and there would be another fucking thousand then get her her own uh her own iCloud and then just pay for it so it's not

Speaker 1 yeah after all the pictures were taken yeah but then what enraged me is is that my fucking iPad is linked too

Speaker 1 so I haven't even started with the iPad I probably have 20,000 BTS

Speaker 1 and I have to look at their fucking stupid faces and erase them I love them. I don't know why you don't like them.
I think we should get your mom tickets to see BTS live. Can we do that?

Speaker 1 Well, only if we get backstage.

Speaker 1 Do you think we have access to something like that? BTS comes with a lot of people. Who are you with agency-wise?

Speaker 1 UTA. Okay.
Look, there they are right there. Here we go.
Seoul, South Korea. Seoul, Korea, the motherland.
Santa Clara, so that's up in San Francisco. Yeah.
Pasadena, May 2nd.

Speaker 1 Let's buy her these tickets. Pasadena, May 2nd.
They're going to be here?

Speaker 1 Look on the screen right there. may 2nd rose bowl pasadena may 2nd i gotta see who they're rep by or sunday may 3rd okay we're going me and you

Speaker 1 okay we'll go can we go for real we can go for sure i'm gonna go but we have to get we anyone listening to bad friends hopefully this is out by the time the show starts Yeah, this will be out.

Speaker 1 Okay, so anyone listening to me now right now,

Speaker 1 and if you have anything to do with BTS or have any kind of connections,

Speaker 1 my mom is obsessed

Speaker 1 with them. Obsessed.
And I wouldn't be able to take her there if we have like shit seats. So we would love backstage passes and just a meet and greet.
And that would like be my mom.

Speaker 1 My mom's really old. She's almost 80.
And

Speaker 1 she might rape them.

Speaker 1 So? Yeah, it's fine. Don't you think they'd be into that? I think they'd be into it.
But my mom is a huge fan.

Speaker 1 So May 2nd or 3rd, if anybody has any kind of hookup for BTS, we're dead serious. This would mean the world to Bobby's mother to take her because she is lonely and Bobby is restrictive over her fun

Speaker 1 look at that dude look at how fun look at how cute and fun they are

Speaker 1 but you know there's an epidemic going on right that um what do you mean last year i think about five or six k old k-pop stars have killed themselves shut up yeah so what happens is these kids go through the system right

Speaker 1 yeah where they're like on fire they're hot because it's all just you know manufactured

Speaker 1 It's all, it's some executive going, I'll take this gook, this gook,

Speaker 1 this this can, they're pretty, and then we'll put them together, we'll write songs for them. Wow.
And then what happens is when they're 23, 24, they get shot out of the

Speaker 1 system, and then they don't know what to do with their lives. Two of them actually last year got charged with gang rape.
Not BTS, but XK pop stars. I would love BTS way more if they were gang rapists.

Speaker 1 That's why. Yeah, yeah.
Look at the C-pop singer, Guhara, found dead, age 28. Yeah.

Speaker 1 So they're killing themselves. All these people just commit suicide when they're not famous anymore.
Yeah, yeah. God, I wish some people in Hollywood would do that.

Speaker 1 That's so sad. I'm kidding.
You know what I just saw?

Speaker 1 I saw the saddest thing. I saw Vince Neal

Speaker 1 do a cameo. What do you mean, Vince? Oh, oh, the singer Vince Neil.
Yeah, yeah. Oh my god.
And he's like, he's like. There's another one, Dobby.
Hey, Toby, it's me, Vince Neal.

Speaker 1 Happy birthday. Johnny Taco Time Rodriguez sent you this.
You know, I love tacos.

Speaker 1 Anyway, it's me, Vince Neil. Happy birthday, dude.
What's wrong with that? It's just so sad. So, what? Do you do those things?

Speaker 1 They approached me. I was just like, what are we going to charge? $10?

Speaker 1 Cameo, how much do you think Vince Neil charges? $400.

Speaker 1 Shut up. Yeah.
$400 for fucking one happy birthday. Yeah.
Shut up. Yeah.
That's what it says. How do I find out? Here we go.
Let's see. Let's see.
How much they are. Vince Neal.

Speaker 1 Vince Neal. Vince Neal.
There we go.

Speaker 1 Motley Cruise Singer. $400.
Book right now.

Speaker 1 Don't book it. Please don't book it.
Can you hear what he said? Shout out. Now I'll get back a request for you or anybody you love.
Or maybe not even love.

Speaker 1 So give me a shout.

Speaker 1 See ya. What? You don't find that to be sad? Hey, I'm Vince Neil from Motley Crew.
Hey, give me a shout-out. Now I'm going to back a request for you or anybody you love.
I used to sell stadiums. What?

Speaker 1 Yeah, but... $400.

Speaker 1 Give me another celebrity. Well, you'll see what they're charging.
Let's pick somebody.

Speaker 1 Let's pick someone. Who do you think? Let's see if Ahmed Ahmed said on that.

Speaker 1 Is Ahmed Ahmed on it? Yeah. He is? Yeah.
How much is he charging? $25. $25.
Hey, all you people out there on campus.

Speaker 1 I don't know why it's not working now.

Speaker 1 What happened? It was. No, no, no.

Speaker 1 Shout outs to your friends, family, co-workers. Happy birthday.
Happy anniversaries. So mean.
Congratulatory messages. Anything you want.
We love how

Speaker 1 the family. Happy to do it.
And hope to hear from you guys soon.

Speaker 1 Make it a someone should just be crying. They should just be like,

Speaker 1 Yeah. Who would be really fun? How about Drake? I think that said Drake.
There's no way, Drake. There's no way, Drake.
Please, Drake. No.
No, those guys aren't going to do it. Oh, you're on fire.

Speaker 1 I think this is for people that are like

Speaker 1 us

Speaker 1 on their way out.

Speaker 1 Look at how many people said, Bobby Lee. No.
No, I wouldn't do it. I didn't sign up.
Who else do you want to see that's on here? Let's see if Theo's on us. Is Dalia on here? There's no way.

Speaker 1 No. Yeah, Theo Vaughn.
No, Theo's not on here. Hey, man, what's up, dude? Happy birthday, dude.
I heard about your dad is sick. Oh, there's Brian Possane.
We know him. He's a comedian.

Speaker 1 Let's see how much Brian is charging. $75.

Speaker 1 Hey, I'm Brian Possane, actor, comedian.

Speaker 1 I played Bert

Speaker 1 on Big Bang Theory. People seem to like that show, especially.
Okay.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 We should do one as a cross thing. I will do one together with you.
I'm dead serious. if we're not.
How much are we going to charge, though? 10 grand? No, how much? How much? 500. Let's do five.

Speaker 1 Let's just see if anyone does 500. How about 1,000?

Speaker 1 No one does 1,000. There's no way you can do 1,000.
I'm sure there is.

Speaker 1 What does Gilbert charge? Gilbert charges $1.50.

Speaker 1 Okay. I think we can go $200.
Oh, this is Jim Norton's character, Chip Chipperson, and he charges $69. See, this could be funny when you do a character.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Valentine's Day is fast approaching. You're dating a piece of garbage.
You don't want to buy her chocolates because she's fat.

Speaker 1 You don't want to buy him flowers because he's afraid it's going to make him gay. So the best thing you could give, how about a Valentine's Day wish from Chip Chippison? Relax.

Speaker 1 I'll make the pig feel a lot better.

Speaker 1 See, that's

Speaker 1 the way to go. That's the way to go.

Speaker 1 Here you go. Filter price.
Let's do the most. Let's do 500, it says, is the most.
Yeah. Let's do only 500s down here.
Yeah, minimum 500. I want to see who only the 500s are.

Speaker 1 Okay.

Speaker 1 Chris Harrison from The Bachelor.

Speaker 1 Kevin O'Leary from

Speaker 1 $1,200. Kevin O'Leary, the fucking shark tank guy.
Oh, wow. $1,200.

Speaker 1 Wow. Karim Adu-Jabbar is $500.
Marshall Falk, $500. What? $7.95? What a weird price.
Just be fucking $800, Jordan Belfort.

Speaker 1 Do you know who Jordan Belfort is, right? No. That's The Wolf of Wall Street.
That's who the movie's based on. Oh, that's him.
Oh, the cokehead King.

Speaker 1 Dick Van Dyke? Oh, no.

Speaker 1 Oh, no.

Speaker 1 Hi, I'm Dick Van Dyke, the older version. You know, I'm with Cameo now.
So if you'd like me to send a message to a friend, you know, tell them you love him, or

Speaker 1 happy birthday, happy Valentine's Day. Yeah.
Or, you know, maybe just good wishes. Tell them you're thinking of it.

Speaker 1 Tell me what you want me to say, and I'll do it.

Speaker 1 Okay.

Speaker 1 This is me. He's a legend.
He's a legend. I love this, though.
I do want to hear. I do want to hear.
It's really funny because when they talk, you could just talk over them. Rap report.

Speaker 1 Oh, yeah, where's rap? Oh, rap is 150. Oh, that's good.

Speaker 1 Who is this?

Speaker 1 Oh, the animated series, Batman. Oh,

Speaker 1 Luke is a fuck.

Speaker 1 Who is this guy, too? This is an actor from Will and Grace, huh? Yeah. What is he charging?

Speaker 1 $75. Yeah, yeah.
Hold on. Oh, Simon Rex.
We know him. $69.
Andy Dick is $100.

Speaker 1 Let's hear what Andy has to say. Andy's probably funny.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Yo. Oh, there I am.

Speaker 1 What's everybody doing? How you doing? It's Andy Dick. Stoked to be on cameo so I can get in touch with my friends and fans.

Speaker 1 If I still have any. I'm wearing my little turn-of-the-century Christmas carol jam jams watching Vice Land

Speaker 1 and hit me up

Speaker 1 He's great. I love Annie.
He's fucking great. Yeah.
He's great. When he did our podcast, you know what I tell you what happened? I saw, I mean, I watched it.
No, but you know what he did? Yeah.

Speaker 1 He goes, hold on a second. I got friends here.
You know, I used to live in that apartment. What? On Beachwood? Oh, your old place.
What, what, my old place? Yeah.

Speaker 1 So we stop it, and then 12 dudes are in my living room. What? Yeah.
And he's just out there like conniving out there. Right? So I go, George, keep the door open.

Speaker 1 So when Andy did the podcast, so I can see what they were doing, because I thought they were, they look like

Speaker 1 hooligans, right? Trouble.

Speaker 1 Troublemakers. Troublemakers.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Manny Pacquiao was a thousand.

Speaker 1 Can we just see his? Yeah, sure. Please.
Sure. Ready? Yeah.

Speaker 1 So silly.

Speaker 6 Hello, Lister and Yassis. I want to wish you a happy birthday.

Speaker 1 Super stuff.

Speaker 1 This should not be your opening thing.

Speaker 1 Okay, Manny, just record a quick video. It's not that big of a deal.
Just say hello to your fans.

Speaker 1 This is how you get money from them. So

Speaker 1 let's hear what you got there, bud. Just let us know.
Energy, Manny. Energy.

Speaker 1 High energy, man. High energy would be great.
It's called Cameo, and we told you what it was. We told you what it was.
And all you literally have to do is just get on there and just let them know.

Speaker 1 Just read the card that we wrote. Just read the card that we wrote for you.
Okay, go ahead, Manny, whenever you're ready, bud. Whenever you're ready.

Speaker 6 Hello, Mr. Diaz.
I want to greet you a happy birthday and wish you all the best and birthdays to come in your life.

Speaker 1 Birthday to come.

Speaker 6 And give you good help.

Speaker 6 I just want to let you know that your kids

Speaker 6 love you so much.

Speaker 1 It sounds like a hostage.

Speaker 1 They love you. And if you want them to live, you have to pay me.

Speaker 1 You know what it looks like? It looks like on the other side of the camera is the Joker.

Speaker 1 The Keith Ledger one, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. And he's like beeped.
He's tied up. I want to tell you.
I want to tell you.

Speaker 1 Happy birthday to everybody. Yeah, this is interesting.
But I got

Speaker 1 for $1,000. If he's getting $1,000, and look, he's already done.
There's five right there. He just got six grand in front of our face in one day.
Wait, she just, wait.

Speaker 1 Here they are. One, two, three.
That's from today. Yeah, latest.
It says today. This is today, right?

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Speaker 3 I am so excited for this spa day.

Speaker 1 Candles lit.

Speaker 3 Music on.

Speaker 1 Hot tub warm and ready.

Speaker 4 And then my chronic hives come back.

Speaker 3 Again, in the middle of my spa day.

Speaker 1 What a wet blanket.

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Speaker 3 Learn more at treatmyhives.com.

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Speaker 1 Not available in all states.

Speaker 1 yes oh wow yeah so he just made five thousand dollars today to do does he need more money that's

Speaker 1 yes the way that because these these guys spend money like fucking I understand that but it's you know it's like come just say something all right

Speaker 1 you know once I listen once I got a door deal at comedy clubs yeah I decided I'm not selling merch

Speaker 1 Look at this, by the way. Do you know why? Yeah.

Speaker 1 Because I'm getting so much money at the door.

Speaker 1 Why would i rape them for more money i get i get that so it's like for me it's like that's his that's where he lives so why that's why he needs more money dude he can afford trust me he could afford that and 15 other ones that look just like that i know but then to keep them alive it can cost so much fucking money so the extra five grand is what because that's what's gonna fucking that's the water and the fountain that is that's his fountain bill five grand a month is his fountain if i was him i'd be like fuck the fountain but i don't need fountain yeah wait but you saw here's the thing though i don't do merch at shows because, honestly, more because I don't want to lug them around.

Speaker 1 So all I do is I have the red rocket posters and I sign those. But it's more from.
How much do you charge?

Speaker 1 20 bucks for a great piece of art made by great artists that I sign and they can keep as like a memento of the show.

Speaker 1 What's wrong? I mean, that's fine. Yeah.
But I just don't want to lug t-shirts and stuff. It's more that I don't want to do it.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Delia does it and he makes like a hundred fucking thousand dollars probably an hour. Well, his little fucking pussy bitch does it for him.
Who's his little pussy bitch? Michael Lenocchi. Who is that?

Speaker 1 It's his opener. So mean.
Yeah. His little.

Speaker 1 So mean. He's a great comic.
He's great. And you're being mean.

Speaker 1 And you're being mean.

Speaker 1 Can I tell you what he's done to me, Michael Lenocci? You don't have to tell me because he's a good guy as far as I'm concerned.

Speaker 1 All right, I'm going to tell you some Michael Lenocchi stories, and maybe that'll change your mind. Okay, give it to me.
All right, first of all, Michael Lenocchi.

Speaker 1 Let's swing him a picture for people that want to see what he looks like.

Speaker 1 He used to be a cheerleader in high school. No.
Yeah. Really? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 Seriously? Yeah.

Speaker 1 He used to be the you know the show cheer he used to be with the guy that holds the woman up here's him looking really cute there he is okay that's lenoche that's mikey so he's friends with the fahim anwar yeah i love fahim he's so fahim anwar used to open for me all the time yeah so many years ago this is before um lenochi sucked dahlia's dick to get the so mean to get the opening spots sucked it hard too i heard but anyway

Speaker 1 yeah so uh fahim comes to me he goes you know my friend michael lenochi i go you mean that jock that used to cheerlead?

Speaker 1 Why do you have such a beef with him? I'll tell you what he did. All right, go ahead.

Speaker 1 I didn't say that at the time, but this is how I tell the story now because he's a cable recorder.

Speaker 1 So

Speaker 1 he goes, his family's going to be in Florida, Fort Lauderdale, and can he MC.

Speaker 1 I've never seen him, but if he's your friend, fuck it, let's do it. Yeah, that's, yeah.
So we fly him out there, the whole thing, right? He does okay. Right.

Speaker 1 Right?

Speaker 1 So Sunday night, I get a call from my friend Paul. He's a big radio guy down there.
Yeah. And there's another director friend of mine.

Speaker 1 I can't recall his name right now, but he did that movie, Cocaine Cowboys. Oh,

Speaker 1 I love that movie.

Speaker 1 So both of them call me and they go, hey, we want to take you to your favorite restaurant.

Speaker 1 So I go, oh,

Speaker 1 okay, cool. But can I bring my openers? Billy Corbin.
Yeah, Billy. I love him.
Yeah. He goes, can I bring my openers? And Paul and Billy go, yeah.
Sure. It'll be on the house.
We'll take care of them.

Speaker 1 We've got enough money. We'll do it.
So we're in a packed restaurant. We're at Dan Marino's table

Speaker 1 at this restaurant. Oh, really? Yeah, he's not there.
I thought you meant his restaurant. No, it was somebody else's, but he has a table.
Oh, yeah. Do you remember the name of the place?

Speaker 1 Yeah, Runway 84 or something like that. Wow.
Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 So you're there, you're at Dan Marino.

Speaker 1 And it's slam-packed, by the way. Yeah.
Right?

Speaker 1 And so

Speaker 1 at the end of the meal, the owner, yeah, Anthony's Runway 84. Wow.
It's beautiful. It looks beautiful.
It's beautiful. And it's the best Italian food, I think, in South Florida.

Speaker 1 And it's supposed to make it look like you're on an airplane? Yeah. That's hacky as shit.
Yeah, but it's been there forever. Okay.
I'm in.

Speaker 1 In fact, the owner, the reason why I can get a table there, he's a huge fan of Kirby Enthusiasm. Oh, he is? Yeah, every time I go in there, hey, he says my character's name and everything.

Speaker 1 What was your character's name? I forget. Bong Joon Ho?

Speaker 1 Bong Joon Hoo, don't

Speaker 1 you? If you fucking do it, Bung Joo Bong Joo again. Don't point it at my fucking face.
You say that. Okay.

Speaker 1 Sorry.

Speaker 1 So, um, for people that don't know that they're listening via audio only, Bobby has a gun and he keeps pointing it at me. And it's fucking loaded.
It is, it is loaded. I know what it is.

Speaker 1 And the safety's on, but I know how to take it off.

Speaker 1 Can I finish the fuck? There's two stories.

Speaker 1 Let's do it.

Speaker 1 So, um, the owner of the restaurant sits down with us. It's slam-packed.
And at the end, we all get up from the table and the owner goes, hey, let's do a group Photoshop. Like, shot, a photo.

Speaker 1 A picture. a picture right and I go all right who's gonna take it and he and the guy goes

Speaker 1 well our staff is so slam right now I go Mike Mike Mike Lenocci you take the photo

Speaker 1 and Mike looks at me he goes nah

Speaker 1 I go hey I laugh I go yeah just take the photo man nah

Speaker 1 I'd love it

Speaker 1 I go I put my finger on the table take the fucking photo I'm not taking the photo man I want to be in the photo

Speaker 1 So the guy, and he, the owner has to run around the restaurant now to find somebody to take the photo. Okay.
Right.

Speaker 1 A staff member. Yeah.
And it's slammed, right? So it's, there's now a level of stress. Yeah.
But now I'm in such a rage, right?

Speaker 1 My MC opener wouldn't take the fucking photo. Right.
So now you're fucking pissed. Rageful.
Yeah. Yeah.
I want to ruin his career.

Speaker 1 Right. That's all the ways I can ruin his career in my head.

Speaker 1 So, we get back in the car, they find a bus boy, yeah, I'll take it,

Speaker 1 you know, so you know, and he's sweating. This bus boy is sweating because he's just running around this fucking room, he has to do real work, real work, yeah.
So, he takes a photo, Lenochi's in it.

Speaker 1 We get in the car, and I go, bro,

Speaker 1 in this situation, I'm your fucking boss, dude. I'm paying for all, you know what I mean, all this.
And he goes, You're not my boss, you're my friend.

Speaker 1 What did you say? And I just completely shut down.

Speaker 1 The door closed. Right.
And then I go, never again. Never again.
In my head. You never talked to him ever again? Well, that was the thinking.
But then cut to five years later.

Speaker 1 Five fucking years you didn't talk to him?

Speaker 1 I would kind of avoid him. In the hallway at the store.
I would say hi. You know, I'm not that mean, but I would say.
Look, I'm in the hallway at the store, and I'm him and you're young. Hey, say hi.

Speaker 1 Hey, Bobby, what's up? What's up, dude? And just walk away. Whoa.

Speaker 1 That's ice cold. There are a couple of guys, I can name their names, I don't give a fuck, that i won't even give them that go on kevin shea yeah yeah we know that yeah we know that

Speaker 1 so um

Speaker 1 five years later he comes up to me goes hey man i've changed

Speaker 1 that that's the intro yeah hey i've changed i've changed man what did you say i go what have you changed you know and he goes i'm like i know you're doing san diego can i open

Speaker 1 And I don't know what came over me. I went, you know what, dude? I'm a forgiving man in my head, you know? Yes, you are.
and i'm gonna do

Speaker 1 this yeah man what

Speaker 1 i want to be like present and mindful and peaceful about it yeah

Speaker 1 so now he's i'm seeing for me in san diego at la jolla no the comedy store no at the american comedy company oh right okay yeah

Speaker 1 so no not for me once like because of justin no no no i play the store anytime i go down there it's like the only i so i would do i would do i would do the store if the manager of the store didn't me over the way he did.

Speaker 1 How did he fuck you over? Well, that's another story. That's another story.
Right.

Speaker 1 So Lenochi is opening for me, and this one took me over.

Speaker 1 This is the nail in the coffin.

Speaker 1 Nail in the coffin. Yeah, so I,

Speaker 1 second show on a Saturday. I don't know what the fuck happened, but he brings me up, and at that time, I needed the stool to do two bits.
What were they? I forget. I had a ninja bit that I did.

Speaker 1 I needed the the stool for. I know your ninja bit.
Yeah, and I had another bit.

Speaker 1 But I needed it. They were like my, toward my end, good closing bits.
Yeah. I needed them.
Sure.

Speaker 1 So

Speaker 1 he brings me up on stage. I get up on stage.
There's no stool.

Speaker 1 So I whisper in his ear, I go, hey, dude,

Speaker 1 while I'm up here, just go get me a stool. Yeah, grab a stool.
Right, right.

Speaker 1 So I'm on stage, and I can see him in the audience flirting with women.

Speaker 1 Right? And I'm on stage and I'm telling jokes and I could just see him and then I see him with the doorman. Like they're like, he's poking their stomachs.
They're like giggling. Right.

Speaker 1 And I'm just on stage just eyeing this behavior. Pissed.
Pissed. Livid.
Right. He doesn't even ask for a stool.
No, he's trying to get pussy. He's trying to get pussy, right?

Speaker 1 And you're looking for a stool. And I'm not kidding you.
It was the worst. I can probably in my lifetime, I've had top five worst shows I've ever done.
No way. That's in my top five.

Speaker 1 There's no way it was that bad. I swear to God.
Just because you didn't have the stool?

Speaker 1 Because you were in your head. I was in my head.
So every joke was coming out really angry and weird. Yeah.
Right.

Speaker 1 And then I'm literally eating it. I'm not even kidding you.

Speaker 1 I don't believe it. To me, it felt like open mic night.

Speaker 1 Shut up. You just were in your head.
I was in my head. I was in a rage.
Because you were staring at him. Right.
Did he take a girl out of the room?

Speaker 1 Did he end up talking to somebody or did he just leave? He left without trying to get a stool.

Speaker 1 Do you remember?

Speaker 1 No, he didn't get a girl. But he just took off.
Yeah, and then when, so I'm eating it at the end of my show, he, I, and I'm like now sweating.

Speaker 1 And I go, that's my time

Speaker 1 on stage, right? That's my time. He comes up on stage, just, you know, with this, you know what I mean? Happy.
And I look at him and I go, that's it.

Speaker 1 We're done.

Speaker 1 You wrote him off. And that was it.
That's it. We're done.
So now you don't even say hello hello to him. No, I do.
We joke around. Oh.
You just didn't, you'll say, I never worked. The problem was that

Speaker 1 he's a survivor. He's like a little roach.

Speaker 1 You know, you see, there's a lot of roaches out there.

Speaker 1 He's a talented guy, and he's probably going to make it. I like him.
I like him too. But I like him.
I like that you hate him. I think that's funny.
No, I don't hate him. I love him.

Speaker 1 Michael, if you're listening, because I'm going to do something with him next week. What are you doing? He has some sort of internet show he wants me to do.
Okay. I'm going to do it.

Speaker 1 Also, could I just say this? Lenocci was also a guy that I used to use even after that where I would make him, but this is why I could do this. Why?

Speaker 1 I could go, hey, dude, five in the morning, stand outside your place. He goes, why? At 7 a.m., I have a fucking audition.
You're running lines. And he would do it.
Yes, he would wake up.

Speaker 1 I'd be on the side of a fucking road. He would get in my car.
I would give him sides, and we would run it for an hour and a half. I wouldn't have to pay him or anything.
That's really nice.

Speaker 1 Would you buy him a coffee or something? No, nothing. Nothing, nothing, nothing, nothing, nothing.
You just let him in and get him. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
I would kick him right out, right?

Speaker 1 And even like little things like this. So I'm a little mean to him, but I'm good with him.
He's just never going to open for me again.

Speaker 1 So then you were done with him when you're disposed of him when you're done with him. Yeah,

Speaker 1 I'm not done with people like, you know, like forever, like, I can't talk to you, but like, in terms of working,

Speaker 1 that's it. So now you're never going to want to work with what's his name ever again, Peter Weller, because he fucked you over on.

Speaker 1 No, no, no, you know,

Speaker 1 if I ever do Magnum again, I'm going to ask now who the director is. And if he's doing it, you won't do the episode? It depends.
Here's the phone call. Ready? Yeah.

Speaker 1 Hello. Hey, Bobby.

Speaker 1 It's Micah Schofeld. I am

Speaker 1 Kevin. No, it's not

Speaker 1 Magnum PI.

Speaker 1 Just let me do the fucking character. What is it?

Speaker 1 Well, Gene Hong would call me.

Speaker 1 But Gene Hong is. Shout out to Gene Hong.

Speaker 1 I'm not picking it up yet. Keep

Speaker 1 it up.

Speaker 1 Shout out to Gene Hong.

Speaker 1 Gene Hong is a co-executive producer on Magnum PI.

Speaker 1 He's my boy. He's the one that writes all the episodes for me, and he's so talented.

Speaker 1 I love you so much. All right?

Speaker 1 Don't fucking point it at me.

Speaker 1 So

Speaker 1 we should make an aside for people that aren't only listening on audio. The gun that Bobby's pointing at me is an airsoft gun.
It's not a real fucking gun.

Speaker 1 It only took us 40 minutes to talk about the gun that's on the bottom. Right.
So, um, hello.

Speaker 1 Hello.

Speaker 1 Hello.

Speaker 1 Hey, Bob. Gene, what's up? What's up, brother? How are you? Hey, bro, bro.

Speaker 1 Listen, dude, I want you to come back out and do a couple of more epis of Magmag Pee Pee. Awesome.
Who's directing? Guess what? What? Peter Weller. Okay.

Speaker 1 Bye. Wait, wait, wait, wait, Bobby, Bobby.
Wait, wait, wait, wait.

Speaker 1 Check it out. What?

Speaker 1 We're going to give you $150,000 an episode. Yep, I'll do it.
All right. Yeah, I'm in.
Okay, ready? And it's dope, isn't it?

Speaker 1 It's the only thing that I have. Look at me.
I'm not joking. It changed the way I sleep.

Speaker 1 Both of my beds have it now. Okay, I want to say this.
All my beds. The honest truth is that when you said Buffy and you're like,

Speaker 1 take it home. And you go, Trust me, you go, I trust me.
You know what I mean?

Speaker 1 It's good, right?

Speaker 1 Because your restaurant tastes are so bad. Really? Like what? That one diner that you took me to.
My point is

Speaker 1 let me just finish my. Name the diner and then we'll talk.
Name the diner. That 24-hour place down on Ventura that you took me to.
That mom and pop place.

Speaker 1 Where you had breakfast and stuff

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah, mom and papa Anyway my point never go there that's crazy cafe That was because it was just in the middle

Speaker 1 I know but the thing is is that right that's not my restaurant taste I know but you have bad taste and things okay, so what just stop getting angry man and just listen and absorb it Oh absorb your shit talking?

Speaker 1 It's not shit talking. I'm gonna tell the truth.
Okay, tell the truths. The truth is that I thought you had bad taste and shit.

Speaker 1 And then when you told me this buffy blanket, I like, it's probably going to be bad. And I brought it home and it's the best blanket bedding I've ever had in my life.

Speaker 1 And therefore, you probably got a recommendation from somebody else. No, I used it and I love it.
And Buffy, by the way, they make super soft, earth-friendly bedding.

Speaker 1 It's a comfy night's sleep that you deserve. It's even comfier because it doesn't harm the environment, Bob.
It uses eucalyptus fiber. It's breathable and it's cool to the touch to

Speaker 1 help maintain the ideal sleeping temperature and feel cozy without overheating. It really is when you put it on your body.
It's incredible. It feels like air.
Yeah. And also, I used to sweat.

Speaker 1 I sweat all the time in bed. They're called anchor sweats.
I've never ever

Speaker 1 sweat.

Speaker 1 I've never, ever sweat with a Buffy. Yeah.
I'm dead serious. It's crazy.
I've never sweat with a Buffy, and I use their comforter and the Duvet cover.

Speaker 1 Their products have almost 20,000 five-star reviews plus an overall average rating of 4.6 stars. So believe the hype.
Believe it, man.

Speaker 1 Buffy orders a free trial, free shipping, and you can give it back if you don't like it. Free returns every single day.
It's no joke.

Speaker 1 When someone says try it and give it away if you don't like it, you know it's good. You can try their products in your own bed for free before you commit to buying.

Speaker 1 If you don't like it, just give it back at no cost, okay? For $20 off your Buffy betting, visit Buffy.co and enter the code. Bad friends.
Once again, for $20 off your Buffy betting. Bad friends.

Speaker 1 Visit Buffy.co and enter the code. Bad friends.
Enter it. Okay.
That's what it is. Did you see the photo? No.
Of what? Of you and me and Peter Wheeler. Wheeler? Whatever his name is.
Peter Wheeler.

Speaker 1 Robo.

Speaker 1 Look at that. Oh, that's a great photo.
What photo?

Speaker 1 A cameraman.

Speaker 1 Did he smoke a cigar on set? No, that we were outside smoking together. Whoa.
So it's not as if we're not tight. We hang out.
He looks tight. Yeah, he's tight.
He looks like a cool dude.

Speaker 1 He's a cool dude. But it's not, you know, when I have relationships.
Yeah, I'm Bobby Lee. Yeah,

Speaker 1 I know who the fuck you are. Right, but so I have a little confidence.
You know, when I was young, I did a show called Arless when I was a young kid.

Speaker 1 Yeah, we remember that show, but he was a basketball manager, yeah, yeah, yeah, right. So, I did like choose his name.

Speaker 1 Who was fucking Arlis? I hate that.

Speaker 1 He's a comedian, yeah. His let me just don't even google it, let me think of it.
No, I'm gonna Google it and you can think of it, okay?

Speaker 1 Arless

Speaker 1 TV show, did I spell it wrong? Isn't it two S's? It's something, yeah, it is Arless.

Speaker 1 All right, Robert Wool, Robert Wool, Robert Wool, yeah, and he's like, and he's got that kind of, he's like, smarmy a little bit. Yeah, so when I was on that show,

Speaker 1 I was so scared. I didn't know who the director was.
I didn't know what was going on. I just remember being, you know, I was 28 years old, 27 years old.
You act like that's like super young.

Speaker 1 Yeah, but I only started when I was 23. Yeah, I guess.
And also, I'm from a small town.

Speaker 1 You're from San Diego. From Poway, though.
It's like a little askew. It's in San Diego.
Yeah, but it's North County. It's deep in the woods.
There's no woods. I know, but there are are trees.

Speaker 1 There are trees there, I promise you. So you're 28, you gone Arless, you're nervous.
Robert Wool isn't nice to you. Yeah, and so I'm just scared.
I don't know what a jib is.

Speaker 1 I don't know what any of the things. You know the tech terms.
Yeah, I didn't know anything about it, right?

Speaker 1 So, you know, when they say, all right, you're done with the scene, you know, you scurry to your dressing room and just wait. You know what I mean? But now,

Speaker 1 you know, you fuck around with the cameraman. I know everybody.
I know the editor. I know you hang out.
You know what I mean?

Speaker 1 The stars of the show are your friends.

Speaker 1 You know how to do it.

Speaker 1 So I can hang out with a guy like him and we can jab.

Speaker 1 But my honest opinion is that when

Speaker 1 I used to do commercials with a guy named Joe Pitka.

Speaker 1 And he was like the Steven Spielberg of

Speaker 1 commercials. He was the king.
He did the Bon Os campaign. What? Yeah.
He did. That was my favorite shit on earth as a kid.

Speaker 1 When Michael Jackson got his head caught on fire with the Pepsi commercial, it was him. Really? He did all the Britney Spears.
He was the biggest one, but he was seven foot two.

Speaker 1 What? White hair down to his back.

Speaker 1 And he was the meanest son of a bitch I've ever asked Ari Shafir about him.

Speaker 1 Why is he so mean? Because Shafir used to do commercials for him. Eric Stone Street did a bunch, like 60 from him.
60? Yeah, one time he had the.

Speaker 1 I'm not kidding you. He goes, all right, I want the crew, the cameraman, and everyone on set to form a circle.
So they formed a circle.

Speaker 1 They put me in the middle of the circle. Yeah, and they go, point your finger.
They point their finger at me, and everyone repeat after me, you're the worst actor on planet Earth. You're making this.

Speaker 1 I'm not. The entire crew did not say this.
Yes, they did.

Speaker 1 He's the guy that beat the shit out. He got in a fist fight with a fucking actor.
Nice. That he hired.
I love this guy. Yeah, I know.

Speaker 1 That's your wheelhouse. Yeah, the guy is disciplined.
This is a discipline.

Speaker 1 You're the worst actor. I know.
That's amazing.

Speaker 1 In fact, when I run into people like that, I think of you. Yeah? Yeah.
What is his name?

Speaker 1 This guy's my fucking hero. Joe Pitka.
Joe Pitka. Yeah.
I want to link up with Pitka bad. Whoa.
He looks like Vigo from fucking Ghostbusters.

Speaker 1 Oh, my God. This is Joe.
Yeah, it's Joe Pitka. Does this give you weird flashbacks? Oh, my God.
Is he getting PTSD right now?

Speaker 1 Actually, there's one commercial commercial he did that's on YouTube with me and Eric Stone Street on it. Can we find it? It's IBM Bobby Lee.
IBM Bobby Lee? Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 That was a Chid Jopitka.

Speaker 1 This one? What does it say? Bank robbery? Yeah, that's it.

Speaker 1 There's no money here.

Speaker 1 There's no money. No money.
Where is it? Somewhere safe. This is the safe.
Somewhere safer. Safer? How? Hardware encryption, smart cards, you know, digital security.
Who are you?

Speaker 1 I'm from the help desk. Who are you?

Speaker 1 Cleaning crew? This place is a mess.

Speaker 1 You guys have come a long way.

Speaker 1 That was some of the worst fucking acting I've ever seen in my life, and I mean it with every ounce of my body.

Speaker 1 Who are you? I don't, but you're

Speaker 1 not. We're the cleaning crew.
And it's a mess in here. But you have to understand the...
Your stiffness was incredible. I know, because I can't be loose

Speaker 1 when I'm under the

Speaker 1 dictator. Right.
Well, you look like a dictator sitting with your shaved head in that chair. Was that for Mad TV you shaved? No, I just for one year I decided to do a monk thing.

Speaker 1 But you didn't have the attitude of a monk.

Speaker 1 Okay, well, don't make fun of my acting right now. That's not why we pulled that fucking thing up, fucking cocksocker.
I'm not, I'm not. Can I show you? Look, we've all done commercials.

Speaker 1 Yeah, give me some shows. Yeah, I'll show you.
Well, I I don't even know if it's still up, but the first one I did was Mike's Hard Lemonade.

Speaker 1 I'm dead serious. Yeah, yeah.
NASCAR.

Speaker 1 It probably doesn't exist on here anymore. Yeah, no.
There's no. That means you didn't do it.
I did. If it's not on YouTube, you didn't do it.
Well,

Speaker 1 I'm telling you. I did it.
I don't know where it is.

Speaker 1 NASCAR commercial.

Speaker 1 Yeah, no. Oh, maybe this is it.

Speaker 1 No.

Speaker 1 There you go.

Speaker 1 It was at a racetrack. I did another one with Kevin Christie.
I love Kevin Christie. Kevin Christie was not a comic.
I'm the one that got him to do comedy.

Speaker 1 You got him to do stand-up because you did the... Because I met him on an AMPM commercial.
Too much good stuff. What? Too much good stuff.
Yeah, and then

Speaker 1 we became friends there. And then one time I ran into him at Amoeba.
Yeah. And he goes, I want to do stand-up.
I go, let's go to the store. And then he just started doing it.
Really? Yeah.

Speaker 1 And you were the one that convinced him to do it? Yeah. Do you know what it's called? Yeah, AMPM, maybe Bobby Lee.
I don't know.

Speaker 1 You can barely see me in it. I'm like the fourth friend.
No.

Speaker 1 I know it is online somewhere. I just don't know what to Google.
Sorry. It doesn't matter.
But the point is, yeah,

Speaker 1 the commercial thing was tough for me. I really, it became like a weird cattle call.
Yeah, they're all cattle calls.

Speaker 1 But it made me emotionally feel fucked up when I would go for a role, and then I would see the kid who worked in the casting director's office get the role, and I was like, he fucking works there.

Speaker 1 Oh, you know that one? And that used to kill me. I was like, well, that guy fucking works there.
There was a comic who was a cameraman for an agency. Who? Do you know who it was?

Speaker 1 I forgot his name, but he would be the guy that he would call you in. Oh, you read with him.

Speaker 1 And he would get half of them. Yeah, because he would put himself on.

Speaker 1 Yeah. It was the worst.
Did you ever go to 200 South LaBread? You should go down there. Oh, yeah.
Is that where the Petco is? Yeah. Yeah, all the time.

Speaker 1 In fact, there, a nightmare happened where me and Johnny Sanchez, we had like nine callbacks for Mountain Dew,

Speaker 1 right? It was like a big campaign, a lot of money, and it was down to four guys, right? And neither of us. So they would pay, they needed two guys.
Yeah. So they paired me and Johnny and some

Speaker 1 other guys. And we would go in and then they would leave.
And Johnny would go in. And I remember us four standing in the hallway.
And the caster goes, you, you, you're out. To you and Johnny? Yeah.

Speaker 1 And we just,

Speaker 1 had three days of going back there

Speaker 1 for nothing. Yeah, two dudes that you've never even heard of.
Yeah, but they don't give a fuck. It's a look thing.
Commercials are like, what do they look like?

Speaker 1 Dude, at 200 South, this is an insane story. I just like it popped into my brain.
Remember, they have those benches. They're like carpeted benches.
Yeah. Right? A little girl.

Speaker 1 There's always kids on kid auditions all the time. There was a million little kids running around.
This is insane. I just remember this.
And I'm so livid because they called me back for this thing.

Speaker 1 And I just was like, I didn't want to go. I knew I wasn't going to get it.
I could tell because I could tell they didn't like me. You know what I mean? They just wanted you back.

Speaker 1 I could be like, Yeah, we have to get 10 people back in anyway. And I'm sitting there, and it was the afternoon.
It was hot as shit. It was the middle of the summer.

Speaker 1 And I'm sweating, sitting on this bench, and I'm wearing a fucking sport coat. And I look over, and all these kids are playing on the benches, and this girl is jumping up and down on the bench.

Speaker 1 Dude, jumping up and down. And her mother goes, Get off.

Speaker 1 And she goes, She goes, Why? Why? And she goes, Get off.

Speaker 1 I'm not kidding.

Speaker 1 Out of like the worst fucking hilarious horror movie, she runs up to her daughter and grabs her by the neck and throws her off the bench. I'm not kidding.
Like a seven-year-old girl, throws her off.

Speaker 1 And then she falls to the ground and she starts crying. And the parents are like, oh my God, what the hell? And she's like, I was just trying to grab, I was just trying to grab her arm.

Speaker 1 And she, I mean, she right in this little girl's neck and threw her off the fucking bench. It's insane.
And that made my day. I was like, I don't care if I don't get a commercial.

Speaker 1 That was fucking hilarious. She grabbed her little daughter by the neck.
She looked like she was trying to just get her body, but she went right for her throat. I mean, it was all that parental.

Speaker 1 When you hear about parents that want to kill their kids, after years and years, it builds up. It was the moment that she was like,

Speaker 1 I watched her go throat. It wasn't her body.

Speaker 1 You think she got the part? She did. She booked it.
Maybe, maybe. It was a Petco commercial.
People don't realize how demeaning those things are. It's like,

Speaker 1 the worst is when you go to a Catal commercial. I did thousands of them where you sign up and it's like one line like,

Speaker 1 he did it.

Speaker 1 Let's say that's the line. Where are they going? Yeah, where are they going? Right.
That's the line.

Speaker 1 And you're sitting there and just, you have to wait an hour. At least.
And then you see douchebags. You know what I mean? Just standing up and just going, where are they going? Oh, no, God.

Speaker 1 Where are they going?

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 Where are they going?

Speaker 1 And you're like, we're going nowhere. That's what I would say.

Speaker 1 Nowhere.

Speaker 1 This is where we're at. Yeah, this is it.
The bottom. We're at the bottom.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. But they would take it so seriously.
Oh, my God. They pace around.

Speaker 1 They would make me, they wouldn't make me nervous. They would make me anxious because people would pace.
I hate it when people pace in auditions. It makes me feel like it.
It makes me so crazy.

Speaker 1 I hate it when, you know what I hate worse? Is when

Speaker 1 you're memorized, you're focused, and then six comics, you know, walk in. I fucking hate that.
It's the worst. And they just slap you.
Hey, Lee. What's up, man? Yeah, yeah.
And then you're out.

Speaker 1 And you're done. But I have the key to it.

Speaker 1 And this is the mentality. If you're a commercial actor, this is the mentality that you need okay

Speaker 1 you have to do you have to do two things yeah you have to um pretend that you're kind of grateful to be there but the second thing right yeah is is that this is underneath me and i'm doing you a favor you have it's a duality it's a duality of those two things so it's like when you slate it's like you know what slating is is that during commercial auditions they go all right say your name and you go i'm bobby lee i'm five four Profiles.

Speaker 1 And you do your profiles. Stand to the side, stand to the other side.
So I do it like, this is what I do. This is so gross, but I go, if they go, say it, do your profile.
Okay.

Speaker 1 Okay, go ahead and slate. What? Go ahead and go ahead and slate.

Speaker 1 What is it? Oh, say your name and then you're hiding the camera. Hey, I'm Bobby Lee.
You know, I make it seem like

Speaker 1 you goof around, right?

Speaker 1 And then I'll always try to make a joke. Like, I only do one profile because the other ones, you know, it's flat anyway.

Speaker 1 I'll make a joke. My face is flat anyway.
I'm the cast render, right?

Speaker 1 Yeah. All right, Bobby, so could you just read the line? The line, of course, is right there, and it just says, this tastes exactly like apple juice that my grandmother used to make.
Go ahead.

Speaker 1 Can I improvise? We'd rather you not. This is Mott's.
And it's family. Remember, this is a family.
So that tastes like the apple juice my grandmother used to make.

Speaker 1 This is the. Well, Bobby, let us count you in.
One second.

Speaker 1 I don't want to. I'm getting panicked.
Okay. I feel nervous right now.
And

Speaker 1 go ahead. Yeah, this is just like the cranberry juice my apple used to make.

Speaker 1 You got the part. That's exactly how I would probably do it.
Yeah, you'd fuck it up on purpose.

Speaker 1 I would fuck it up on purpose and then leave, and then I would get a callback, and then that's when that would, it can backfire. Yeah, it backfires all the fucking time.

Speaker 1 Yeah, but sometimes in callback, because that's when the ad agency, the director, the producers, they're all there.

Speaker 1 And there's maybe four guys, right? Maybe they call back four or six guys. And you know that if you booked this back then, you're going to make anywhere between 15 to 60 grand.

Speaker 1 Yeah, back then there was really good money in commercial. I don't know what it is now.
Yeah, yeah, because I haven't done it in years. But like I did one commercial that paid me $350,000.

Speaker 1 Get the fuck out of it. Was it Joe Pitka? What commercial was it? It was a campaign for IBM where I was in an astronaut suit with my friend

Speaker 1 Eric Kirchberger from New York. $350,000? Yeah, because we had to fly to Tokyo, Austria.

Speaker 1 Oh, you got to fly to Tokyo. They made us.

Speaker 1 Oh, you didn't want to go to Japan? France.

Speaker 1 We did it all over the world.

Speaker 1 And that was a bummer for you? You sound like that. That sounds funny.

Speaker 1 That was incredible. Holy shit, Bobby.
And it was in 1998. I had no money.
I was living with 11 people. Look at this.
This is going to piss me off so much. What? Have you blown all that money?

Speaker 1 You've blown all that money. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Look on. Look at this.
Yeah. Money then and now.

Speaker 1 This always makes me mad. The inflation calculator.
Look at this. Yeah.
$350,000 is what you made in what? 1998? Yeah. I use this all the time.

Speaker 1 1998,

Speaker 1 350 grand.

Speaker 1 That's a half a million dollars. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 In fuck for a commercial. Yeah.
Holy fuck. The best one.
You don't make that now on TV shows or movies. Well, I did last two years ago.
On a movie. Two years ago.
On a movie.

Speaker 1 You've never made an agreement. I'm going to say something right now out loud.
Do it jordan peele

Speaker 1 you know him no i don't know jordan fucking pee

Speaker 1 so he calls me and he goes blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah yeah

Speaker 1 you're me hey hey dude jordan

Speaker 1 all right hey you know chelsea and i are getting married yeah yeah of course of course

Speaker 1 that's you it is yeah all right

Speaker 1 don't

Speaker 1 And he goes,

Speaker 1 Annie, I'm doing commercials, a commercial for booking.com. Okay, okay, okay.
Okay. And we want you in the commercial.
Ah, cool. Yeah.
And he goes, how much do you want? A million.

Speaker 1 No, why would you say that? No one would say that. I would say a fucking million.
Jordan fucking Peel?

Speaker 1 Jordan Peele. It's one day of work.
A million dollars is a money. Give me a million fucking dollars, Jordan Peale.
You have all the money. You could do it.
Give me the money.

Speaker 1 That's not what he said. All right, you said money.
I didn't say that. What did you say?

Speaker 1 Give me a half a million i go i i whatever you want i would have done it for five grand no you wouldn't have for jordan i would have five grand for a big a huge national commercial

Speaker 1 stop anyway it was it's me it was me jane lynch love

Speaker 1 uh jordan chelse predty and uh eddie peppetone and keegan keys love so six how fun for fun right yeah and i go i don't know and he goes

Speaker 1 It's just a day of work. I don't know.
I honestly, because I hadn't seen him in a while, you know, and I love him. So I go, whatever.
He goes, I'll just give you

Speaker 1 what?

Speaker 1 Like, okay.

Speaker 1 For a day of work. And I hung up the phone.

Speaker 1 And it wasn't because of the money. I literally just started crying because you know, in this business, when your friends make it, they don't hook you up.
99% of them don't. They don't.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 But there are people like him that do. Yeah.
He, he, he,

Speaker 1 and I can tell that he looks at me and he goes,

Speaker 1 I think still today he looks at me and goes, why aren't you bigger? What do you, you're, what do you mean? How big do you want to, what do you want to be?

Speaker 1 What do you want to be?

Speaker 1 You're great. What do you want to be?

Speaker 1 I tell you this all the time. What are you looking for?

Speaker 1 Look at you. You went to Hawaii.
You took your mother and your brother to Hawaii to celebrate. You broke her heart about BTS, but then you shot Magnum P.I.

Speaker 1 And you get to fly around the world telling jokes.

Speaker 1 And then you come back here and you smoke your cigarettes and you wear your stupid fucking beanie on your huge fucking head, and you live the life of a king. You come in here, you get to tell people.

Speaker 1 But you know, this is in human nature. Yeah, you always

Speaker 1 good for you. I know, and I'm grateful.
What do you want to be?

Speaker 1 What do you want to be?

Speaker 1 Jung bong bong.

Speaker 1 I want to be

Speaker 1 the gun. Yeah, yeah.
Um, no, um, bong, jung hope. But here's what happened.
So, back then, Georgia was around, right? When you got

Speaker 1 all right, so, but this is the thing, but at the same time,

Speaker 1 there was a lady, a black lady. Okay.

Speaker 1 I'll tell you why that that's important. What? Supposedly.
I said she. She was supposedly black? Just listened up with the fucking story.
Yeah, she was supposedly black. Assumably.
Assumably.

Speaker 1 And we were getting emails before that

Speaker 1 saying

Speaker 1 money extortion. I was getting emails going, you said something on your podcast, and I will alert it to the world if you don't send me 15 grand, right?

Speaker 1 That happened, right? George can back me. Holy shit.

Speaker 1 So we would email back, no. Fuck you.
Fuck you. Yeah, fuck you.
Right. She's like, I have connections to Van Dy Fair.
I don't know just all these fucking places.

Speaker 1 And it's like, I said it on my podcast. It's out there.
Yeah. What? Yeah.

Speaker 1 What did you say? I just said that black people were oily.

Speaker 1 Oh, my God.

Speaker 1 Why?

Speaker 1 You just were out of nowhere? Yeah, because we did a series of podcasts making fun of races, right? Yeah. So we did, we had Asa Kira and we did two episodes, one or two full episodes about Asians.

Speaker 1 Just ripping them apart. Yeah, that's part of what we do.
Yeah. It's fair.
And we did one with Mexicans, ripping them apart. And we did one on blacks.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 And the only bad thing I said, which in retrospect was bad, is black people are oily. Yes, they're kind of oily.
Right, you said that. Out loud, yeah.
Yeah. I said out loud.

Speaker 1 And she goes, I'm going to what, put this on Twitter?

Speaker 1 No, I'm going to fuck you with this if you don't give me 15 grand. Wow.
Did you publish those? You should have published those emails. No, I called CAA

Speaker 1 and I just warned them about it. But so now I'm sitting there shooting this commercial.

Speaker 1 And I remember it because I'm sitting, laying there with Jane Lynch because we have a makeout scene in this commercial.

Speaker 1 And two executives walk up to me.

Speaker 1 And they go, can we talk to you?

Speaker 1 And I go, what? What? In the Jordan Peel commercial. Yeah.
Yeah. I go, what happened?

Speaker 1 I talked to you outside?

Speaker 1 Yeah. I go outside with them.
And already it's weird. Like, there's something going on.
And they go, did you call black people?

Speaker 1 Did you call black people oily? And I go, no.

Speaker 1 Bobby. No, I said that.
Why did I say that? Because in my head, I'm like, my career.

Speaker 1 I'm going to lose this.

Speaker 1 For saying black people are oily? Yeah. It's stupid, but you're not going to lose your fucking career.
But maybe this commercial. I don't know.
Why were they bringing me out there? All that stuff.

Speaker 1 It's a lot of money, dude. It's like, you know, at the time, you know, Tiger Belly had just started.
Wait, what happened?

Speaker 1 So I bet basically they go, we know you said it. And I go, I did.

Speaker 1 I did. I'm so sorry.

Speaker 1 And they go, no, we already knew you said we vetted you.

Speaker 1 Yeah, they didn't care. Yeah, we don't care, but we're just letting you know this lady came to us.
You know what I mean? And was like.

Speaker 1 And saying she told us she's making a stink about it how did she know about

Speaker 1 I have no idea that's fucking crazy yeah so so I um

Speaker 1 I have a feeling I think I know what male comic it was

Speaker 1 go ahead I can't say it why

Speaker 1 because he called me because I started a war with him okay and he called me one day and crying almost saying just listen I just

Speaker 1 I won't talk about you anymore and let's just we're not friends, you know, but just, you know, stop talking about me. I have a family now.
Because you verbally fucked him up so much. Yeah.

Speaker 1 You kept talking enough shit where finally he was. Yeah, it crushed him.
Wow. And so.
I want to know who the fuck that is. I'll tell you off the stage.
Okay. Screw it.

Speaker 1 And so because he called and he was like very adamant about it,

Speaker 1 that not to talk about him anymore. Because I would have, if he hadn't made that call, I would have been talking shit right now.
But you said this.

Speaker 1 So what is the connection between this person and the assumable black person? I think it's him. Oh, they're one and the same.
And this person is what? A white person? A guy. A white guy.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 God, I want to know so fucking. Yeah.
But because it was in the same, but it could be my own delusional head making connections that aren't really real. Yeah.

Speaker 1 But that's a person just disappeared off the face of the planet. Whoever this allegedly.

Speaker 1 They don't exist anymore. Well, this black lady, because I had called CAA.
How did you know it was a black lady? Because she said it in the email, right? Did she say that in the middle of the day?

Speaker 1 She's like, I'm a black lady. I'm a black woman, and I know.
Hey, Bobby, I'm a black lady. That's how the email started.
I I don't know. We have the email still or no?

Speaker 1 I want to show it to the fans so bad. Hey, Bobby, I'm a black lady.
Yeah. One day you said.

Speaker 1 Yeah, so

Speaker 1 black people have oily skin. But you know what's strange about

Speaker 1 this new

Speaker 1 era

Speaker 1 of show business? Because back in the day,

Speaker 1 you could be Steve McQueen. you know, and treat somebody like shit or, you know, or, you know, or talk shit.
Just the opposite, by the way. You know, he was a really good guy.

Speaker 1 Well, that's a bad example then. Mort Saul.

Speaker 1 Okay. All right.
Yeah. Whoever it might be, right? Yeah, Don Rickles.
Yeah, whatever. Whoever it might be.

Speaker 1 There's

Speaker 1 you, you don't.

Speaker 1 You can't, somebody, a regular person couldn't ruin one career. One person couldn't ruin one person's career.
Yeah. Right.
It would take a mafia to take down. Nowadays.

Speaker 1 Now you can just start a movement. One person can destroy you.
Totally. Yeah.
Like you can be destroyed off of, like, look at what happened to Ari, you know, just something can happen.

Speaker 1 I don't think that's a destroyer. I think that's a

Speaker 1 bad timing. It's just bad timing.
He's going to be fine. He's a very talented guy, and we love him.
But

Speaker 1 it's just an interesting time, you know? Well, do you think we're going to be- You get direct feedback right away. But here's the thing.

Speaker 1 Do you think that when we joke around on this podcast, which we do all the fucking time, do you really,

Speaker 1 the beauty is people know we're fucking kidding? And if they don't, that's not my problem. That's how I feel about it.

Speaker 1 If you don't know that I'm kidding when I start joking with you, that's not my problem. That's your problem.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 I'm not going to spoil a joke that I have now, but it's basically about that. It's like, who did it? I'm the bad guy or you're the bad person.
Yeah. Because

Speaker 1 I didn't say it. I'm going to show you something that happened the other day in Hawaii that drove me into hysterics.
I also want to kick it. So I posted this photo.

Speaker 1 I posted this photo on his Instagram. Oh, yeah.
It's

Speaker 1 glasses. I'll bring it up here.
And my girlfriend just called me Robert Downey Syndrome.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I get it. That's what it looks like.
I mean, it looks yes. That's the joke.
This is the picture right here that Bobby posted, right here. Right.

Speaker 1 So, that's a joke, right?

Speaker 1 And she had just told me that. And you said Robert Downey syndrome.
She took the photo and she goes, You're Robert Downey syndrome. And I posted it.
Okay. Right.
Because I thought it made me laugh.

Speaker 1 Right after this, I laugh. Yeah.
After this photo. Right.

Speaker 1 I posted, and this lady goes, you know, I just think it's bad writing and a testament to your comedy ability

Speaker 1 to make fun of people. It's just not funny.
And

Speaker 1 I go, and I just immediately texted about, I go,

Speaker 1 it's funny because the greatest comedians on planet Earth just liked it. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Right? I don't know who you are because you have 200 followers. And

Speaker 1 also, I've been doing this as a living for 25 years. Yeah, I think I know what I'm doing.
I think I know what I'm doing. I think I've got to figure it out.
Jordan Peel gave me dollars, bitch.

Speaker 1 It's not just that. It's just that, you know, um

Speaker 1 I hate it when

Speaker 1 you pay attention to it then because it was just it because number one it is funny yeah it is very funny that that's hands down funny yeah right right I don't give a fuck if you don't think it's funny you don't know anything about comedy yeah it's funny so um that's number one and number two it's like and then I looked at her say she has an autistic son oh great right so it's like um she wants to be

Speaker 1 she wants social justice that's what it is she wants to be the social justice she's angry about the the situation she's in, and she's now, you know, fighting for the voiceless.

Speaker 1 Look, sometimes I get it why people do that, but also you're following a comedian online. What do you think? You think they're going to say everything?

Speaker 1 But what I love about my fans is that, so I post that,

Speaker 1 comment on that, offer her comment, and then you just get 30, 40 people just going, Bitch. Yeah, no, see, that's she just deletes it.
Yeah, yeah. Now you made her feel bad.

Speaker 1 She shooted a fucking sentence out in the fucking first place.

Speaker 1 She started a war that she can't win. You're right.
I want to call someone. I'm going to call someone to find out if what you said,

Speaker 1 if this person thinks that the Black People are oily comment is racist or not. Who is it? Ian? No, hold on.
It's got to be somebody. Oh, my God.

Speaker 1 It's someone you know.

Speaker 1 Yo.

Speaker 1 Hey, Griff.

Speaker 1 What up? Hey, Griff. It's Bobby.
It's Santino. What up? Hey, how funny we call a black guy, and he's a, there's a fucking cop in the background, of course.

Speaker 1 Griff. Oh, my God.

Speaker 1 This better not be.

Speaker 1 This better not be your bullshit podcast right now. It's not.

Speaker 1 Right now. It's not.
We're having lunch at

Speaker 1 Sophie's. At Sophie's.

Speaker 1 Hey, we have a question for you.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 Bobby, Bobby said on a podcast,

Speaker 1 black people have oily skin, and we want to know if you think that's racist or not.

Speaker 1 That's just odd. I don't think it's racist.
Just odd. There we go.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 If he said it was like chicken oil, then it'd be racist.

Speaker 1 Right.

Speaker 1 Right. If he just said they have oily skin, that's just a weird observation.

Speaker 1 It is a weird observation, but you know, because,

Speaker 1 but you know what? It's actually sort of accurate because black don't crack. It's because it's oily.

Speaker 1 Right, that's what I meant, that's what I meant, and also, secondly, it's like you know, I'm gonna call Ian right now. I'm gonna see if he's uh he agrees with me or not.

Speaker 1 All right, Griff, I love you, and we love you, Griffin. We love you so fucking much, you know that, right? Yeah, yeah, whatever.
Oh, here we go, you fucking little bitch. Hey, hey, hey, hey, everyone,

Speaker 1 fat fuck. Everyone listened to Eric Griffin's podcast.
Yeah, Riffin with Griffin, Riffin with Griffin. It's the fucking shit.

Speaker 1 Hey, hey, hey, Griff, Griff, Griff, Griff. Can I tell you something?

Speaker 1 I have no.

Speaker 1 Okay, great. Great.

Speaker 1 Wait, I'll call him from here.

Speaker 1 That way they can hear it through the headphones. Oh, really? I'll get to it.
Ian Edwards. Yeah, I'm going to call Ian.
But will it come up as your number, though? Yeah, why?

Speaker 1 Griff is going to be so mad that we just did that. I love it.
He's going to be fucking pissed. Yeah.

Speaker 1 So you want to call Ian? What do you want to ask Ian? If it's a racist or not. Okay.
We're good for time, by the way. We are? By the way, I'm going to tell you something.
I know he's going to say yes.

Speaker 1 No, he's not. Yes, he is.
He's my my boy, dude. It doesn't matter.
You don't know boys

Speaker 1 when boys are boys. Hello? What's up, y'all? Ian, leave a message.
Let's leave a message.

Speaker 1 Ian,

Speaker 1 what's up?

Speaker 1 Brah?

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 Ian,

Speaker 1 it's Santino and Bobby Lee. We're recording our podcast, and Bobby said something

Speaker 1 questionably racist, saying that black people have oily skin. We want to know if you think that's bad or not.
Bobby's feeling bad about it again. want to see if he can pick up.

Speaker 1 I want to see if he'll pick up my phone. Okay, this will be embarrassing.

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah,

Speaker 1 yes, that made me feel good. Oh, damn.
That honestly made me feel good. Yeah, if he would have picked up, though, it would have been so joyous.

Speaker 1 Who's the most famous person in your phone that you could call right now?

Speaker 1 I have someone. Who do you have?

Speaker 1 Who do you have? Who do you have?

Speaker 1 I have a number of somebody, but I know they won't pick up the phone. But I'll show you.
Okay.

Speaker 1 Look at this one. Which one?

Speaker 1 That's huge. That's huge.
That's huge. But I know she won't pick up a bunch of people.
I don't have, I don't have, I have.

Speaker 1 See this one? Hmm.

Speaker 1 Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Pretty big.

Speaker 1 But you won't call. I will not call.
I will not call.

Speaker 1 It's so funny because I'd be so scared because then I'd be like, I don't know what I would say. Yeah, yeah.
I'm afraid that.

Speaker 1 It's funny that, yeah, there are, but I have to do codes that have some in there. You put on people under different names? Yeah, I'll put Natron X.

Speaker 1 Why?

Speaker 1 Because I'll just think to myself myself that this huge celebrity i'll just that's the thing natron x yeah and then i'll then years later i'll forget who natron x is do you ever do you have a girl in your phone that's still in your phone from before kalila and then she's still in your phone but you've changed her name

Speaker 1 do you have girls in your phone before kalila i do exes but do you use and you keep them in there yeah does kalila give a shit no she wouldn't care at all no because i don't call them what if they called you They do.

Speaker 1 One of them called me the other day, like, crying. About what?

Speaker 1 About

Speaker 1 how her career is not going well. Did you do anything to help her? No, I give her like affirmations.

Speaker 1 You reinforced her? No, I'll just go, this is what you need to do, kind of stuff. Can you say who it is? No.

Speaker 1 Can I guess? No, you'll never guess. And I don't want to get into that.
Because she'll probably listen to this and she'll be very sad. I'm going to guess.
Who? I'm going to guess. Go ahead.

Speaker 1 Kathy Griffin. No, these are women I dated.
Okay. I never dated Kathy Griffin.
Not what I heard. I went to her house once.
I never fucked her. Mm-hmm.
No, I went to a Christmas party once.

Speaker 1 No, no, no, no. And she unwrapped a little gift, didn't she?

Speaker 1 She unwrapped a little South Carolina. She's an angry pussy.
You know that. Yeah, she does.
What are we doing on time? We're good on time. Where are we at?

Speaker 1 Well, over an hour. At least.

Speaker 1 For everyone listening at home with all this dead space, we're watching George try to do math.

Speaker 1 What? No, I started at 17 minutes beforehand just to get all the gun stuff. Yeah, some of that stuff we're going to have to cut out.

Speaker 1 Also, Bobby waving a gun at me.

Speaker 1 I can't fucking believe. You know, I no, don't, don't, don't, Bobby, don't.
Don't shoot it. You have fucking expensive shit in here.
You know what my fucking, you know what? You know what?

Speaker 1 Can I shoot the screen? No. The TV? Yeah.
Let's just see what happens. It could ricochet.
It could break it. Close your eyes.
Close your eyes. Turn around.

Speaker 1 Are you going to do it? Yeah. But that's my TV.
How much is it? I don't know. It doesn't matter.
It's a fucking TV. Like, what? Then we got to go get a new one.
All right.

Speaker 1 I kind of want you to do it now.

Speaker 1 I won't do it. But if you do, I'm cool with it.
We just have to go get one then.

Speaker 1 I'll go buy one now.

Speaker 1 I'll go to the best way to get a better one. Here's my only fear.
I don't care about the TV. It's a piece of shit TV.
But the cameras, what if it hits one of the cameras?

Speaker 1 The odds.

Speaker 1 If I look at

Speaker 1 they rick, it bounces. The ball is going to bounce everywhere.
Let me see. The odds of it.
Shoot your hat again.

Speaker 1 Yeah. It's going to ricochet.

Speaker 1 Okay. If I aim it like this, it'll hit George in the face.

Speaker 1 I'm not gonna do it. God, dude, if you do it.

Speaker 1 Thank you. I'm gonna do it.

Speaker 1 I'm gonna do it.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Close your eyes, Bobby.

Speaker 1 Really? I'm gonna do it. You don't have the balls.

Speaker 1 I don't have the balls to shoot my own TV. Yeah, you're a pussy.

Speaker 1 Oh my god, dude. I'm so scared.
You're a pussy. You're weak, right? That's what it is.

Speaker 1 If you shoot me, honestly, I don't need to do this podcast. Me neither.

Speaker 1 If they shoot me, we're dead. This is it.
This is it. The last one we do.
You're right. Okay.
Say goodbye.

Speaker 1 Then take out your penis. Let me shoot you your penis.

Speaker 1 No.

Speaker 1 I would never shoot you. Hold out your hat, though.
Can I shoot your hat on you? No, no, no. Shoot the screen or nothing.
I don't want to shoot the fucking TV.

Speaker 1 Then we're going to have to get a new TV. You're weak.
That's it.

Speaker 1 Be a man. Bobby.

Speaker 1 In life, this is for showbiz. This is for entertainment purposes.
It's going to ricochet and bounce off and hurt me. I'm going to turn around.

Speaker 1 Watch your eyes. I'm going to close my computer.
Yeah, it can close the computer. Alright, ready? Yeah.
Three,

Speaker 1 two, no signal. One.

Speaker 1 Oh, right in the middle.

Speaker 1 Holy shit, you did break it.

Speaker 1 And it says no signal.

Speaker 1 By the way, it ricocheted and hit me right on the shoulder. No, really? I swear to God, it did.
Oh, my God.

Speaker 1 It did break it. Oh, I'm so sorry.
That's all right.

Speaker 1 Why did you do it? You fucking said to. I was kidding.
Why would you do that? It was kind of fun. It was fun, huh? Something invigorating about that.
Yeah, yeah. Okay, anyway, thanks for listening.

Speaker 1 No, no, no. We have to close the regular way.
Come on, look at the camera. Sit down.
Oh, yeah. Look at the camera.
And we say, thank you for being a bad friend on three. In the main camera, ready?

Speaker 1 One, two, three.

Speaker 1 Thank you for being a bad friend.

Speaker 1 Thank you as well to our sponsors, Manscaped, BetterHelp, and Buffy. Get 20% off in free shipping with the code Bad Friends and Manscaped.com.
Your balls will thank you.

Speaker 1 To start communicating with a licensed therapist in under 24 hours and get the special bad friends offer of 10% off your first month, go to betterhelp.com/slash bad friends.

Speaker 1 For $20 off your Buffy betting, visit Buffy.co and enter code Bad Friends. That's right.