Bonus Bang: Bob Odenkirk, Lily Sullivan, Griffin Newman (I Love Lily)

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At the University of Arizona, we believe that everyone is born with wonder.

That thing that says, I will not accept this world that is.

While it drives us to create what could be,

that world can't wait to see what you'll do.

Where will your wonder take you?

And what will it make you?

The University of Arizona.

Wonder makes you.

Start your journey at wonder.arizona.edu.

We are releasing another episode in our I Love Lily series featuring Lily Sullivan, who has made 81 appearances to date on the podcast.

And this week we're featuring her 18th appearance on the podcast.

This is an episode entitled Better Call Bed Bath and Beyond.

This was originally released as episode 705 on May 9th, 2021.

God, what a great year.

And it features Bob Odenkirk as our A-block guest, Lily Sullivan as her character, Francesca Bolognese.

She's a Bed Bath and Beyond employee that has interesting feedback for customers.

And it also features Griffin Newman of the fabled and storied

blank chest.

Now, that would be an interesting podcast, blank chest.

But instead, he hosts the blank check podcast.

He's playing Skince McGlinty, a prospector.

You'll hear all about what he prospects.

Now, if you enjoy this and you want to hear other great episodes of Comedy Bang Bang, become a subscriber at cbbworld.com.

We have all of the past episodes from the archives, every single live show we've ever done, add free new episodes and original original shows like CBB Presents, Scott Hasn't Seen.

We're going to be back Monday with a new episode of Comedy Bang Bang, but until then, enjoy this bonus bang.

Hello neighbor, hello friend.

Come hither and hear about my grisly end.

Welcome to Comedy Bang Bang.

Ooh, boy, chilling.

And that was a little early for something so morbid and macabre.

But thank you to Side of McG for that wonderful catchphrase submission.

Unfortunately, I don't believe it's going to stick.

I don't believe that will be our permanent one, but we are ever on the hunt for that permanent catchphrase.

And welcome to the show.

This is Comedy Bang Bang for another week.

We are mid-May.

We are

definitely not in hump week of May.

That'll be next week.

But we are certainly in the throes of May.

And we have a wonderful show.

By the way, my name is Scott Auckerman, if you're confused about that point.

And we have a wonderful show.

We have a social media expert coming up a little later.

And we also have a disruptor.

Whoa.

I hope this show doesn't get disrupted.

Boy, God, I wanted it to go smoothly.

But apparently, someone is

going to try to

make it all go off the rails like a retired train.

I hope not.

Wow, that'll be interesting.

We also have an actor

coming up right about now.

Why don't we get to him?

Is that what I am now?

Yeah, I believe so.

You used to be more of a writer and a boss and a mentor to me, but now you're an actor.

And he has all of that and a bag of chips.

He's munching on a bag of chips if you heard the rustling during the theme song.

He's my old boss from the Mr.

Show days, but you probably don't know him that way.

You probably know him more as the star of iCal Sal, and he was in Breaking.

Little Women.

Little Women.

Little Women's story.

And people learned it when he showed up and Little Women.

I let out such a huge laugh when you walked in in Little Women, not because of your performance, but I'd forgotten you were in it and i was like ha ha it's bob i was happy to see you but uh he is the aforementioned bob please welcome back to the show bob odenkirk hello hi scott how are you guys so now bob we you're you're in new york for what reason oh i have a break from shooting better call saw season six our final and amazing uh powerful season It's going to take a long time to shoot.

And we had a little break and I took it to come to New York and see.

You want to see Saturday Night Live, right?

Yes.

I wanted to finally see the show that everyone's been talking about for

35, 40 years?

45 years?

46 years.

So long that people have been talking about it.

And I've never seen it.

I don't know what they do there.

I have no idea, you know, how it works.

You know, I don't watch a show until I know how it works first.

Sure.

Now, that's you're the same way, right?

I mean, you're the same way, right?

No, I was watching.

You don't just willy-nilly put the TV on.

No, I was watching Bridgerton the other day because I figured out exactly all of the camera angles and I learned all of the names of the grips.

And I was like, okay, now I feel comfortable.

Now I know what's going on.

Ground up.

Yeah.

Sure, of course.

I mean, these people who just put the TV on and, you know.

What are they doing?

I don't get it.

Well, they don't know what they're watching.

They have no idea what they're watching.

It's like trying to show an iPhone to a caveman.

They just, they can't understand it, right?

Right.

I guess they're distracted by it, but

they can't begin to understand.

Actually, thinking about it, I think if you showed an iPhone to a caveman, like they would pick it up in five minutes.

You know what I mean?

Like,

you know what I mean?

They'd be like, oh, so this communicates with the other person.

And then the, oh, okay.

And if I press this button, okay, yeah, I got it.

Bob, are you all right?

Are you choking?

I'm choking myself.

Oh, yeah, that's you're a big auto erotic asphyxiationist aren't you not for erotic reasons no um you're a non-erotic asphyxiationist it's actually good exercise

it's the new wave i don't know if you know it hasn't gotten to your part of la yet obviously scott but

self-asphyxiation exercise is the best way to go because your muscles are deprived of oxygen and therefore they have to work triple harder so in five minutes, you can get the workout done that you would have gotten in 25 minutes.

But so

you all have to do is just choke yourself and let yourself technically die for about 120 seconds.

And it makes perfect sense.

And then you go to the cryogenic machine and get yourself frozen.

Next to what this is.

And you feel like a million bucks.

You feel like

you're- Although with inflation, boy, a million dollars doesn't go quite as far as it used to, if you know what I mean.

That's why you need to do more exercise than you do.

That's right.

You need to feel like $10 million just to feel like $1 million these days.

That's right.

Bob, speaking of, look, you mentioned two things that I want to follow up on.

You mentioned Better Call Saul, which is, for those of you who don't know, it's a television show appearing on the AMC networks, which used to be.

Sporadically.

Yeah, sure.

No, if you turn on AMC, it's not just going to be there.

You have to turn on on the right times.

And we do new seasons every two years.

Sure, yeah.

And it is a prequel, and you're trying to end up looking younger than when you first started Breaking Bad, which is.

First thing I said to Vince and Peter when they said we're thinking about making the show and they meant it, I said, you know, I'm 50 years old.

And keep that in mind.

And they just totally blew that off.

Yeah, they don't listen.

They don't care.

You know what?

I think they assume the audience doesn't really really care.

And I think it's true.

I think the audience, there are obviously people who point it out.

But most people are like, I don't care.

You're telling me a story.

Just tell me the story.

Tell me the story.

I'm not going to look at your old face.

It's what we're saying, though, Scott.

It's like people don't, they don't do the homework on their TV shows.

They don't find out how they're made, where they're made.

Look up the ages of every single actor.

Where was it shot?

I will watch it.

First, I'm going to visit all the locations where you shot it.

Sure.

So that I know every single place.

So I have the geography in my head.

Well, I get very confused whenever they switch to a different angle.

I'm like, oh, what is this?

I was just looking at this guy.

Now I'm looking at this guy.

Tell them, don't switch angles.

Don't do it.

The directors want to do that.

It's a flashy thing that they've got.

I mean, I'm a purist when it comes to cinema.

I like the train coming right at me, and I get scared and I run out of the theater and I scream that we're all going to die.

That's what I like when I go to the movies.

Yeah, and I like, I like the original movies.

You know, there's a great short, I think it's probably the most evocative and dramatic.

It's a men leaving a factory.

And it's about three minutes long.

And

all of life is in there.

And you know where.

You think at some point he's going to go back into the factory and he never does.

The men.

It's a bunch of men leaving a factory, but yes, not a one of them turns back and goes in unless you rewind it backwards which you do not want to do everything went downhill after that yeah it really does but but better call saw uh being within that

being within that downhill trend uh with cinema and television when you were on the show before bob you you you did us a big favor and you gave away the end to breaking bad right i'm gonna ask you to do it again can you just tell us what happens in the final episode of better call Sol?

The character has evolved, and he's

gained a new maturity and self-awareness.

And in the final scene, I'll be making a perfect Cinnabon, and

I'll win an award from Cinnabon.

Whoa, from the actual company?

They know how to make them.

Yeah, I mean, in the end.

The show, as you know, is about Cinnabons and how they're made and

the people who make them.

Yeah, that's the first scene.

You have to bookend everything.

So that's the thing.

And then we'll end with that, and he'll make that perfect Cinnabon, and his life will come back into color, and he'll get that award from the

main office.

He will not get

he's a manager already,

and he will remain a manager.

Does he become a district manager?

No, the pride that he gets from making that Cinnabon with just the right amount of sugar and margarine is,

I think it

just completes everything about Breaking Bad led to this.

You know what I mean?

Sure, of course.

Breaking Bad was really about this one character's desire.

And I don't think a Cinnabon is a Cinnabon.

It's a metaphor.

But it is a Cinnabon as well.

I was going to say it's a metaphor for a cinnamon roll.

Oh, I see.

Okay.

Now, are Vince and Peter going to go back into the early Breaking Bad episodes?

Cinnabon?

How is it?

And inserts a Cinnabon into your hand digitally in one of these episodes, just so it really makes all the sense?

Yes.

And I don't know how you got that leaked.

I don't know how that leaked out.

Yeah.

I saw that.

Now you know.

Now everybody knows.

And then I also read the last page of the script of the last episode.

And right after you make that Cinnabon, suddenly Walter White comes in.

Yeah, so he hugs.

You hug, of course.

And it's a long hug.

It's like a five-minute hug, which I thought was really weird.

Yeah.

But you hug for a long time, and then he shakes your hand, and he says, well, I guess I'd.

And then he looks in the camera and says, better call Saul.

And then it just goes right to the end.

Well, then

that song plays at the end of Merry Melodies.

And

the circle gets smaller around our heads.

This is the dream ending of the show.

And if you'll all write in to vince and peter and sony pictures and ask them to please do the ending that scott and bob came up with write into the sony pictures lady the lady holding up the she's holding up the torch isn't she or something or is that columbia

that would be columbia but i don't there's no sony pictures lady There's got to be a Sony Pictures lady.

And this is what we're holding auditions for the Sony Pictures lady.

If you want to become the Sony Pictures lady, hit up me and Bob.

You know that we're roommates since back in the day.

Come Come by our apartment at some point.

And we have a lot of pull over at Sony.

We certainly do.

It's really important.

Well, Bob, the other thing I wanted to follow up on is you mentioned

eating and exercising.

And this comes into play because

I saw a little movie by the name of

Nobody.

And you are in it.

You didn't see the whole movie?

I saw a little bit of the movie.

i don't i only saw up until the credits and then i didn't want to read everyone's name because i had already memorized them right right

but you uh are you what can i tell you about it it's oh my god i look i want to know i want to know your exercise regimen that's basically what i want to know and this is a question usually reserved for women on the red carpet but i want to hit it hit you up with it well i did i did a version of it on a this men's health video that you can see on youtube but um are you sure that was a men's health video?

That wasn't just a strange porn video that they had taken from your phone that they stole from you?

No, the porn video that I made in my other career

is my full workout.

This is just partial.

Oh, okay.

This doesn't include the fucking and the sucking and the blowing.

This is all the weightlifting, which is part of that other video.

Right, right.

But how did you get into this?

Did you get cast in the movie and said, uh-oh, I better exercise?

Or have you been doing that?

No, I made this movie happen.

Scott, it was my idea to try to pull off an action film.

So you exercised before the deal came out?

Long before.

Two and a half years before we shot anything.

I started training with Daniel Bernhardt at a place called 8711, which is a facility in L.A.

that is all stunt people training for films.

And that was because the producers who liked the notion

said, yeah, get started, you know, whatever.

If you're willing to practice, go ahead.

And I was because I wanted to do my own fighting, Scott, like a real Jackie Chan man.

Yes.

I really did.

You know, I love police story.

And when we were writing Mr.

Show, we used to watch cool old movies.

We wrote a big stunt action scene into the Run, Ronnie, Run, the ill-fated Mr.

Show movie, which none of us got to be in.

And it reminded me of that when I saw you on the, there's a scene on a bus where you're beating the shit out of a bunch of people.

And

you pull it off.

You genuinely looked more intimidating.

I really learned to do that kind of screen fighting.

I spent so much time at the gym, but I knew I had to, Scott.

And your point, I think, that you're trying to make is that the idea of working out and training for a movie when it isn't

set up, that hasn't been, it's, you know, the chances of any movie getting made are always so slim.

You know, you're really

going way out on a limb.

And then you would have wasted all that gym.

But I wouldn't have.

I would have gotten in good shape.

You know, I'm 58 years old.

Huh?

Who cares?

We're all going to die.

So, like, you know, how much time?

Oh, no.

I'm not.

Not me.

You've wasted it all in that gym.

You're not going to die?

No.

This is a big, this is a big movie?

I'm going to keep working out and drinking juice and,

you know, getting my, as we talked about, getting myself asphyxiated a couple times a day.

What do you, what do you eat?

Because I read an interview with you where you essentially are just a bad boy.

I just ate a sandwich.

You ate a sandwich right in front of me and that bag of chips.

You know, but how guilty do you feel about it?

I don't feel guilty at all.

I would feel guilty about.

I think I've got a better ability to stop eating something like that, like to eat half of it, like I just did, than I ever had in my life.

And I still eat chocolate and ice cream and everything.

I just don't eat a lot of these things, but I have them every day.

And I mostly eat, you know, I have a sense of what's healthy.

And

I kind of juggle around a sandwich or something, a lot of healthy stuff.

And I work out every day.

And so when you're doing that.

How many hours are you in the gym every day?

About an hour and 10 minutes.

Hour and 10 minutes.

Okay.

Now, if you were about to make a sequel to the film, which we'll talk about the sequence.

Oh, then it'd go to three or four hours a day.

Three or four hours a day.

Yeah, but you're training choreography and stuff.

You're not like just doing weights and stuff.

You do that stuff for maybe an hour and then you look like you.

Could I go into the gym and lift a five-pound dumbbell for four hours and look like you?

Is it just the time you're there?

It takes time.

Yeah, you gotta,

your body doesn't change in the but it, but it's just the time, right?

You can do as little as you want as long as you're there for four hours.

As long as you're standing near a thing called a gym, your body will shed the weight.

You know what?

Scott, I really,

it was a weird thought that I could do this.

And I can't believe I'm not sure.

No, I read an interview.

And look, I don't just sit around reading interviews that you do, Bob.

Don't get that impression.

You know, like,

I could have just called you myself and asked you all these questions.

but you have other interviews to read sure of course

but i did read an interview about how this film got made you you took a look at how well the the tv show was doing in in foreign markets is that what it was yeah yeah

and you said hey what if i made a movie that did well in foreign markets as well which are mainly action films because they they translate well

and you just got it together and you did it yeah i mean it took a long time took years and And I think I was more surprised by the fact that when I first suggested it, no, people didn't say you're crazy, or that could never happen.

They most everybody who heard it,

the pitch, which was basically that,

you know, you know me from Mr.

Show and all this comedy that I did, but around the world, like nobody's seen any of that.

They've only seen Ricky Bad, Better Call Sol, the Post, these kinds of movies.

And I play it in in especially in Better Call Saul, I play like an Ernest guy who's like kind of devious.

And he's

an earnest name almost.

Like Ernest goes to lawyer school.

Well, we wanted to call it Ernest Is Nobody.

But there's some legal thing where you can't just use the Ernest name.

The lawyer.

And you're a lawyer on that show.

Couldn't you have like figured it out?

Actually, to become a lawyer in real life, I have to do like 10 more episodes.

Oh, okay.

And then that will make me an official real lawyer.

You have to do, you either have to go to law school and pass the bar, or you have to do 60 episodes of a TV show that is based in the legal system in some manner.

All the people on Night Court are all lawyers and judges now.

John Larraquette represented me when I had a misdemeanor.

Misdemeanor.

Missy misdemeanor.

Yeah.

By the way, she's she's a lawyer.

She's a lawyer.

Weirdly enough.

Yeah.

It's crazy.

And they just said, you know what a misdemeanor is.

Clearly, that's your name.

You clearly have a basis for legal thinking and thought and the structures and strictures of legal law.

And we want you to please be a lawyer.

And Missy Misdemeanor Elliott said, please, thank you.

I would love that.

That's very honored to be me.

And I appreciate you.

And

together.

Together they came to an agreement where they came to an agreement.

and that's why at the Supreme Court right now, there's only one justice, Missy Misdemeanor Elliott.

That's right.

She decides on everything.

Oh my gosh.

Well, nobody is a.

It's a really great film.

It's out right now on video.

I like to call it video upon request because I'm not, you know, pushy like that, demanding videos to be shown to me.

But

you better.

But

you show me this motherfucking film.

Right.

You have to demand it.

No, but people can go to theaters and demand that the ticket taker sell them a ticket.

Surely.

And

it's out right now, and people, I would suggest seeing it.

And it's the writer of John Wick, isn't that correct?

He wrote it.

Derek Holstadt, yeah, great guy, really fun guy.

And

he's the one who more than anybody got it, I think made it a reality because he such good uh credibility in that area and he had he loved the idea of the dad

who's uh you know hiding for years and and then he kind of cuts loose and um

yeah and also our director ilya nyschuler is a really cool dude who those two guys

i think the spirit of the movie is from them And that's what people seem to love.

I mean,

I'm very thankful that I pulled it off, you know, the fighting.

Are you experiencing an award right now?

What's going on?

I have accepted two awards in the last half hour.

You haven't been paying attention.

I'm sorry.

I hear a speech.

And they refuse to play the walk-off music.

You guys are great.

I love you.

No, it's really good.

You sent me a copy of the film before it came out and Kool-Ap and I watched it.

And Kool-Op was, I I didn't tell you this, but Kulop was like leaping to her feet and pumping her fist in the air.

Really?

And it reminded me of when we went to see the raid redemption, where we were all like dancing in the aisles during the fight scenes.

It's really cathartic, and

it's really a good time in the movie.

So if people can request it or go into a theater, I would suggest it.

If people can request it, I would suggest it.

Are you going to stick with that, Ryan?

I think so.

I may be the next Misdemeanor Elliott.

Well, listen, man, thanks for the compliments.

You know what movies are like.

It's very hard to get them right or have them come out the way you dreamed they might.

Will this cross over with the John Wickiverse?

Will the TikTok man and you like to see that?

I don't doubt it because one of them is Universal and one of them is Sony.

But they're not.

And they're two different companies who don't.

Michael Keaton could play the same character in both

Jackie Brown and the other one.

Out of sight, was it?

You might be right.

I mean, I would love it because you know Jason Manzukas plays the TikTok man in the John Wickiverse.

To see the two of you, it's like a Godzilla versus Kong thing

or Aliens versus Predator thing where it's nobody versus the TikTok man.

That is like a license to print money, which if you can get one of those,

they don't get those out licenses to print money all that often.

Why don't more people just try to get that instead of trying for a life earn money next time you're at the dmv

earning money is a fool's errand

it's a waste of energy just go apply so that you can print money and then you can spend those three four hours at the gym don't counterfeit money get the license get the license and then you can put anyone's face on it It takes like a three-day weekend seminar.

You have to sit there.

And this is where George Washington's face is.

And this is where the strip is, the golden strip.

And don't forget this and blah, blah, blah.

Just sit there, pretend to take notes, and you'll get your license.

And then it's legal.

It's late.

As long as you don't print more than $500, it's legal.

Right.

And

get Minton.

Scott, this is our one steps.

One step process.

Get Minton is the only step.

Well, nobody is out there right now, and Better Call Sol is out there.

I did want to just ask you about your book because I know that you're about to write it.

No, I wrote it.

You already wrote it.

How many times am I mentioned?

Forever.

How many times am I mentioned?

Twice, maybe four times.

Hmm.

Yeah.

Scott Ackerman's in there for sure.

Oh, okay.

Yeah, it took me forever to write it.

It was really unpleasant to write it because I was so bad at writing.

Also, anytime you were doing push-ups and you had a break, a 30-second break in between reps, you would write.

And you had to really, I mean, you had to really choose your word carefully.

That's right.

Because you could never repeat it.

That's right.

I could never erase it.

I could never strike it out.

I had to stick with it and live with it.

And I had read that you had used the word the really early on in the process.

And then you'd be like, oh, fuck, why did I use it so early?

You could repeat it even once.

um

it's gonna come out in january of next year wow but i finished writing it monthly have you have you uh seen the galleys have you seen the cover no i've seen the cover the cover is on twitter you can see it on my i tweeted it out um

it's all about mr show mostly i mean really truly it is about

starting out and trying to make my way until I got to the greatest show ever.

I'm sure it covers.

Of course.

I'm sure it covers the motivational speaker with Chris Farley.

Yeah, there's a lot of, yeah, there's a lot of nonsense about Saturday Night Live because it's such a stressful and unpleasant challenge for me.

And like a lot of people, it takes up way too much space in my head.

And

so I did write a lot about that.

And then I wrote a lot about Mr.

Show.

But I also wrote about all the shows that nobody saw me do and try for that, you know, never made it to the screen because I feel like, you know, I want people who are starting out to have some sense of

what a career looks like, which is mostly shit.

It's, yeah.

I mean, yes, there's the impression that you're the golden boy.

You went immediately from Chicago to Saturday Night Live to get a life to the Ben Stiller show to Mr.

Show.

And then we're just handed this part on America's greatest drama, which then you spun off into your own show.

And yes, all of that is true.

Right.

But there also were various scripts that you and I tried to write that never went anywhere.

Lots of them.

Tons of them.

Literally tons.

Literally 2,000 pounds worth.

It would weigh more than one 2,000-pound increment.

Yeah, I think it's important to share that stuff, right?

Don't you?

Of course.

And if anyone were interested in a book that I were writing, I of course would do it.

But no one cares about my adventures in the screen trade, you know, meeting Barack Obama.

Who wants to hear about that?

Twice, of course.

Your adventures in the pod trade.

Yeah.

Oh, boy.

That's even less people are interested in that.

Well, you're a revolutionary in the podcasting world.

I'm a lot like the Paul Revere of podcasting.

Just

look out.

Look out.

These are going to be popular.

I don't know, Brian.

We'll have one of these one day.

Podcasts are coming.

Get out of the way.

Run.

Burn down your house.

Please burn down your houses.

Asphyxiate yourself.

I cannot wait for the book.

I cannot wait to see this tell-all book and what you have to say about me.

It tells very little, but thank you.

Well, we have to take a break.

Nobody is in theaters on video on demand right now.

Bob, you can stick around, right?

We have some other guests to get to.

When we come back, we are going to have a social media expert and a disruptor will be with us.

We will be right back with more Bob Odenkirk after this.

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letters, although the A's, there still are two A's, but the G and the M, those aren't in Wayfair and the W and the

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I mean, this is pretty similar, actually.

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Comedy bang bang, we're back.

Bob Odenkirk of the Naperville Odenkirks

is here with us.

He, of course,

Ben Stiller show played Abraham Lincoln, I would imagine, in a sketch.

Many times.

Of course.

Abraham Lincoln, many times.

Let's see if we can go down my list of credits.

Miller Beer Commercial.

Whoa.

Oh, that's right.

I do remember that.

Yeah, yeah.

Miller Beer Commercial.

What else?

The Tom Show.

Tom Arnold.

The Tom Show.

That's right.

We knew him just as Tom at the time.

And then he added the Arnold afterwards.

And that was because Gary Coleman passed away and he finally relinquished the rights to Arnold, which he played on different strokes.

You know, I, you,

yes.

You know what should mic you.

You shouldn't be mic'd.

I know.

How much better would this podcast be if my mic were turned off?

And you just had to guess at what I was saying.

People could insert themselves asking their own questions.

It's like a choose your own adventure book.

Which is the last thing everybody wants to do.

Yeah.

I pick up a book because I want you to tell me a story.

I don't want to have to tell myself a story.

It's like suddenly I'm doing your work for you.

Like, pay me for the book.

And this is the other thing.

Bob, a lot of people are paying to see your movie, but they're taking time out of their day.

Shouldn't you be paying them to see the movie?

Scott, we've had it wrong since the beginning of time.

And you are the only one who figured it out.

It's like two hours of their day.

Like, pay them minimum wage, you know, pay them 30 bucks when they come out.

Absolutely.

Okay.

Let's do that.

Starting now.

We will get that done, but we do have to get to our next guest, if that's okay.

Yeah, I want to meet these people.

You want to meet these people.

Let's just bring her on.

She's been on the show before.

She is a social media expert.

And Bob, I think you could use some tips on this because you tweet very sporadically.

Yes.

So she's a social media expert.

Please welcome back to the show Francesca Bolognese.

No, Scott, I'm not a social media expert.

You always get it wrong with your team.

I don't know who had your team say the wrong thing, but I am not a social media expert.

I beg your pardon.

I don't have a team necessarily as much much as uh

your big team of people that you work with they get it wrong every look i know that i have 20 people standing behind me right now but they they don't work on the show they're just watching so i am not a social media expert and i know last time i come on i work for bitbett and beyond and best buy beyond i don't work for them anymore scott i get a new job You have a, as Rudy North said, you have a new job.

I have a new job.

Yes.

This is incredible.

Bob, I don't know if you have ever listened to the show before.

I'm doubting that you ever have, but Francesca here,

what would you do?

You were working for Bed Bath and Beyond and you would go on to Instagram posts that they would post and argue with the clients.

Is that essentially what it was?

Well, let's say somebody comment on a picture on like, I don't know, Twitter of a Bed Bath and Beyond product and they say, Oh, I went to Bed Bath and Beyond and I buy myself a VCR and inside the VCR I find a lot of little

hayers.

Well, that for me, then I commented, no, you a piece of shit.

Why you not take your VCR, go sink to the bottom of a pit of mud and die.

But so I get fired for that.

Wait, you got fired?

I thought you got hired for that.

I thought that's what they wanted you to do.

No, they didn't know that I was doing what I was doing.

Oh, no, and you confessed it on this podcast.

Well, yes, but mostly because I comment on

the Bet and Body Work,

Bet and Body Work post, and I say, Why you not take a your body wash, a cucumber scented body wash, shove it up your stupid butt in a drown with a body wash in your body, till you die.

Oh no, so you're you're not only responding to complaint posts that people do for your own company, Bed Beth and Beyond, but you're out there trying to snipe other companies and tear them down?

Yes.

And so then

Beth and Body Work, they sue Bed Beth and Beyond, and then they fire me.

And I say, what do you want me to do?

Where am I supposed to go?

Yeah, yeah.

When people are fired, you should be given like where you should go.

A different job.

Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, you should be, you're fired from here, but now walk down the street.

It's like take a penny, leave a penny like right you know get fired you know but also you get hired here yes and that didn't happen and that didn't happen no that didn't happen I have a son I have a son and they

when did you have this son

we never talked about this

did you is this news did you just have a baby no no no he is um he's uh 17 years old I had him for a long time you just had a 17 how long have you had him

about 17 years I got him I got him about,

yeah, I don't know, 15 years ago.

I got him.

Okay, yeah, somewhere in that range.

So I said to Bat and Beyond the CEO named Richard, I said, Richard, what do you want me to do with my son?

Where do you want me to go?

And my husband, Ryan.

Do you have a husband too?

This is dude.

You work?

Does your husband work?

My husband,

he work,

he makes

the blades for razors.

He makes those?

Like he works at the factory?

Yes, or he, or he, he does them one at a time.

He work at the factory, but he make each blade by hand for Gillette.

Wow, handmade artisan.

Has he ever cut himself?

Everyone asks.

That assistant.

All the time.

He's constantly on medical leave, which is why I need to work for both of us.

So I...

I bet in that plant they have one of those, you know, days since the last time accident, but it says hours or even minutes.

Seconds, maybe, or

moments.

So I say anyway.

Yes.

I'm sorry to take you down this side road.

I know you've got to express something important.

No, obviously, but Francesca, you've never mentioned your family.

I've never even brought it up.

I apologize.

I've been fired because you

willfully and on your own offered critiques of some of the commentary on social media of your own company.

You were trying to defend your company, and then you started making snipy comments about.

So, you are almost a lawyer, Bob.

Well, I think the term snipy comments gives it away.

Of course.

I've obviously studied for the bar.

What would Sal say about this?

I can settle it for you.

Just give me a lot of money and I'll lie.

Yeah,

that sounds about right.

That guy.

That character.

Wow.

Now, listen.

What are you going to do?

What are you going to do?

You have a son.

You have a husband.

Neither of them.

So, what are you going to do?

No, that's us asking you.

What are you going to do?

You can't just say, yeah.

So I say,

CEO.

I say, what do you want me to do?

He says,

he says, you know what?

Bed Beth and Beyond open

high school in Chicago.

Why not go work for the high school?

What?

Wait, Bed Bath and Beyond opened a high school?

Yeah.

So it's like a branded high school?

Yes, everything Bed Bath and Beyond.

Really?

This is incredible.

I mean, I wonder, I've always wondered, Bob, and I'm sure you have, why don't more companies open high schools?

You know what I mean?

Like Subway.

Okay, it's a sandwich shop, but why don't they open a high school?

This I don't know, Scott.

People just have a well, there's a dearth of imagination in some of our boardrooms.

So they opened a high school in Chicago and they said, why don't you just go work there?

Is everything in the high school bed, bath, and beyond?

Like you can find it in the actual bed, bath, and beyond stores.

Yes, every product is there.

The mascot is one bath and one bed.

The school mascot.

School mascot.

School mascot, yes.

One bed and one bath.

Yes.

Yes.

Okay.

Wow.

So, so I had to move to Chicago.

Oh,

no.

The worst.

So I go to Chicago.

I'm like, what the fuck is this place?

Everything so...

Everybody so drunk all the time.

Everybody tell me that I should know where the lake is because that's how I know where I am in the city.

That's all they care about there.

Everybody tell me I need to eat a pizza.

I go to a stupid restaurant.

Yes, I wait eight hours, nine hours.

Nine hours.

I could fit in three gym sessions.

Out comes a lasagna

on the pie crust.

Wait a minute.

Are you just doing your stand-up chunk about Chicago right now?

Or is that what you're working on?

Yes.

So that's another thing.

I get into comedy.

Oh, yeah.

Everyone in Chicago is into comedy.

I mean, in an improv, I take a second class.

Yeah, everyone is there.

Yeah.

It's like it's mandatory when you move to Chicago.

So it's just been really a lot of trauma and trouble for you.

The two TRs.

Since you were fired.

But you do have a job at the Bed Bath and Beyond high school.

What is it?

High school or junior high?

It's a high school.

I work as a guidance counselor for the kids

to get into college.

You're a very critical thinker, and I think that's kind of good for a guidance counselor.

You can analyze things.

Yeah.

Thank you.

So, have you, yeah.

So, have you, do you feel,

is it working out?

Is it a good job?

Because you sound like you're very unhappy with Chicago.

All the things that you have to do there, eat at Greektown, go to the Cubs games,

go to Sluggers.

Every Cub game you have to go to?

I had to go to every cub game.

I had to go to the cubby bear bar afterward.

I had to go to sluggers and hit the ball with a bet.

No, every day?

Every day, Scott, you've never been to Chicago out there.

I've never been.

I will never go.

Every day they want me eat mozzarella stick at 1 a.m.

Oh, shit.

It's a burden.

It is.

But you've done, you seem, you sound great.

I'm just going to say that.

You seem to be.

You truly sound amazing.

You sound like you have

a wind beneath your wings a fresh pep in your step you you were saying your son is at the is at the high school yes my son uh richardoo he go to the wait what was that richardy too

richer i do

richard e do

yes richardo

could you spell that please rich rich richardoo

r-i

c

h

a a little faster though could you do it maybe even a little just even 10% faster?

Richard Didoux.

Richard Didoux.

Okay, all right.

I still am not getting it, but go ahead.

So your son, Richard Didoux.

Yeah,

so he go to the high school with me.

He said, Mom, can you please stop being guidance counselor?

You hurt everybody's feelings.

Everybody's so sad.

Right.

I say, this isn't my job, but this is what I have to do.

So I tell the kids, when they come in, they say, I want to go to Yale.

I want to go to

complaints.

Harvard, become an investment banker.

Oh, these little whiners.

I say to them, listen to me.

No.

Go to hell.

But why you not do something else?

Why you not go work for my cousin?

Why you not go work.

Do you have a cousin?

This is another late-breaking announcement.

Why you not go work for my

cousin?

His name of Ricotta.

Ricotta Bolanyese, he work in, he makes

like toys for the pool.

Oh, pool toys.

Not for the poor, for the pool.

Yeah, for the pool.

Why you not go work for Ricotta?

And they say, no, no, because my daddy wants me to go to Yale.

I say to them, your daddy wants to go to Yale because he a piece of shit, a stupid idiot man with a lot of money in a Ranger Rover, why he no go drown to the bottom of the pool where Ricotta make the toys.

Ricotta makes the toys at the bottom of the pool?

And let me ask you something.

This is so you're giving the kids generally, you're giving him the advice that

they should go work for your cousin.

Does your cousin Ricata need more employees?

This sounds like a one-man operation there at the bottom of the pool.

He needs somebody blow up the toys.

Oh.

He needs them, but he needs somebody, make them blow up.

Oh, okay.

So

you haven't found a single kid who's willing to do this?

No, I have.

I sent the kid to go work for Ricotta, but I have a lot of cousins.

So my cousins, they get all these free labor from these high school kids.

Oh, it's free.

They're not even getting paid.

No.

It's a year abroad.

Oh, oh.

How do you justify that?

Like, how is the abroad part of it working?

Oh, because they're in, where are you from again?

I'm from Italy.

I'm from Motorino.

Oh, that's that accent.

That's, yeah.

Now I recognize it.

I guess I'd never thought that people in Italy would need pool toys.

Because when you think of Italy, you don't, that's not the first thing that comes to mind.

You know, like Stanley Tucci in his big documentary that he makes, you know, you never see him playing with any pool toys, but they must have a lot of pool toys there.

Well, see, this is why you have such a small American brain, Scott, because you only think, um, oh,

America is the only place that has pools.

This is the only place we swim.

No one.

No.

They have pools in Italy and they need toys for them.

Yeah.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

Stanley Tucci doesn't show you all of Italy.

Well, that's the thing.

If Stanley Tucci is going to do a documentary about Italy, I want him to cover every square inch of Italy.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

And

he's focusing on food.

He hasn't had a single good meal there.

I've watched like four episodes.

It's just the worst.

And not only that, what happens after you eat?

You go take a dump, right?

You never see him taking a dump.

Immediately after?

Well, you have to go online and they have the extras.

Okay, that's it.

And they have him, you know, dump it.

Well, Francesca, this sounds like, this sounds horrible.

I mean, I mean, is it so horrible?

She's getting work for her cousin.

She's getting workers for her cousin.

She's getting an opportunity to complain and

critique people.

That's the thing she loves the most.

She's invited to do it.

She's very good at it.

Thank you, Bob.

Thank you.

And probably she's going to get fired.

That's

what?

No, I'm not going to get fired.

The parents aren't going to like that you're so negative to the children.

I can't believe you haven't been fired yet.

No, the parents, they come to me, they say, Where is Mackenzie?

I need her to come home.

I say, Mackenzie is with my cousin,

Gnockey, and she is making handmade towels with the gnocchi in Torino.

Handmade towels.

Wow.

Those sound, are they fluffy?

Are they comfortable?

Or are they thin?

They're very thin, Scott.

But they don't dry easily.

They sup up the water, but they don't dry.

Wow, you have such an extended family we've never discussed on this show.

I mean, it really begs to be talked about in a further episode, but unfortunately, we don't have time to do it.

Well, I'm sorry that I was just going to say it's nice to hear a working person on the show.

You know, we don't always hear the stories of people who are just doing regular jobs.

I mean, like, earlier on in the show, I was talking to some rich guy who had four hours a day to spend at the gym.

And,

you know, so it's like.

And this is important to hear from people, real people doing real jobs.

In this case, guidance counselor and a Ben Bath and Beyond high school.

Who's the rival high school, by the way, that you guys are always, there's a big rivalry with?

The rival high school is

Best Buy High School down on the bottom.

Oh, God.

Their mascot is

a big...

A big iPhone case.

Just the case, not the iPhone.

Just the case on no phone.

Oh, God, boy, I hate those guys.

It's so stupid.

I said, I I at this point, I'm like, well, you know what?

If I can change one kid's life, that would be a success.

But at this point, you know, I send a 30 kid, 40 kid to my cousins, and everybody's life changed now.

Wow, so you wow, yeah.

40 kids over there in Italy with your cousins not getting paid.

Yeah, they've you've altered their the course of their history forever.

And the principal, he come to me, asking me why, where the key to go.

I say, you listen to me.

Why you not take

your stupid principal as

go fly into a

fire in the middle of a volcano full of shit.

And then you explode and you hit a wall and you fall down a cliff.

Oh no, God.

Oh, geez.

What did he say to that?

There's nothing to say to that except, yes.

Do you just sit there and take it?

He He took it, yeah.

He takes it.

He's a weak man.

That's like most men.

They're weak.

Yeah.

Most men are so stupid.

My husband, Ryan, he's a chi-chutzo.

I tell you what, he's a big-time chi-chutzo idiot.

Okay, we don't need to curse on.

I'm assuming chi-chutso is a curse.

I don't know.

Chi-chutzo means like a douchebag.

Oh, okay.

Well, that, yeah, I don't even like you saying douchebag.

I don't like that.

But I love.

Oh, no?

No, I mean, those things go up into a very private part on a woman's body.

Yes, I know.

I have one.

You're wearing one right now?

I wear them every day.

Oh, God.

Is that what they make you do in Chicago as well?

Oh, yes.

They make me wear so many douchebags.

You get off the train, they hand you some mozzarella sticks and a douchebag.

The L.

I get off of the L.

The L.

Yeah, they love to call it the L.

Geez.

Well, look, Francesca, we're running out of time for this segment.

But can you stick around?

Because we have a disruptor coming on the show.

Oh, yes, I'd love to see this.

Okay, please don't give him any of your sass.

Any of your patented sass.

We'll see what I can do.

All right, well, we're going to take a break.

Bob Odenkirk is with us.

We also have Francesca Bolognese.

We'll be right back with more comedy bang bang after this.

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Comedy Bang Bang, we are back here.

Bob Odenkirk is here.

Nobody in stores now.

And go to any store, they'll have it.

And then when does when does better call saw uh actually premiere?

Can you bring some news?

I do not know.

Well, come on, you know, you just can't say, right?

I genuinely don't know.

I don't think they know, they haven't figured it out yet.

We're not a long

time, and that's because it takes so long to shoot it and so long to cut it together.

So, if you love Better Call Sol, I promise you it's going to be great.

I also promise you it will take way too long to would you feel bad if there's a better call saw fan out there who loves the show who dies before the last season.

Terrible.

Would you feel bad if anyone dies before Better Call Sol comes out?

Everyone stop dying.

Okay.

It's too much.

It's too much responsibility for you.

Oh, it's tearing you apart.

I can tell.

We also have Francesca Bolognese here, who is currently in Chicago and is a social media expert.

No, I'm not a social media expert.

I'm sorry, no, I keep forgetting you're not a social media expert, but you're good at it.

Do you have any tips for Bob here?

No tips.

My tip is to get off a line, become a human being like a normal person, not some stupid idiot online, a little troll, little psychopath.

All right, it's a godman.

I have opinion.

Sounds like you are a social media expert.

I have an opinion about your show that you're on.

Let me tweet at you.

Yeah.

I mean, but sometimes people tweet good ideas for better calls all, I would imagine.

You use them, right, on the show.

Everything that we do is, as you pointed out earlier, a choose your own adventure type scenario.

They're crowdsourced.

Ideas.

The ideas are crowdsourced, as are the lines.

Yeah, everything is written by the fans.

By the fans for the fans.

That's how you like it.

As you see it.

That is the way the best art is made.

Yep.

Well, speaking of how things are made and doing things a little bit differently, we have a disruptor here on the show.

He's been on the show before.

Jay Clank.

Yes, that is, of course, his catchphrase, which I believe he came up with on the previous episode.

Returning guest.

He is a disruptor.

Please welcome back to the show, Skins McGlinty.

Hello,

Skins McGlinty, my friend.

Skins.

I'm so sorry.

I thought it was Skins, but now I'm realizing it's Skins mainly because you corrected me.

Yes, no, no, I am not.

In fact, a British searing teen drama that has launched many careers.

Name ain't Skins, it's Skins McGlanty.

And don't you forget it.

Clickety clank.

Clickety clank, of course, your catchphrase.

Welcome back to the show.

This is Bob Odenkirk of, I don't know if you watch Skins.

Oh, no.

Skints.

Please.

Skins.

Skince McGlinty.

Bob, big fan of Monkey Bone.

Honored to meet you.

Oh, thank you so much.

It's all been downhill since then, but I'm glad that there's people like you who paid attention to the quality when it came out.

Yeah, I would always see these movies where there's a head surgeon, and I said, but could this guy catch?

That's right.

I know he's good in the operating room, but let's see what happens if he gets on a football field.

And then I see you chasing Chris Katan, trying to catch all sorts of internal organs.

I said, this guy's good.

Big monkey bone fan over here.

Wow.

Thank you.

Thank you.

And this is Francesca Bolognese.

I don't know if you're similarly a fan of what she does.

A huge fan.

Huge fan.

Hey, really?

Yes.

I love watching arguments play out online.

In real life.

You're a troll guy.

I get it.

Okay.

That's one of my biggest things.

I'm like a troll hunter.

Oh, wow.

I ain't a troll myself, but I like viewing them from a distance.

Clickety clank.

Clickety clank, clickety-clank.

Well, Skins, last time you were on the show, you were essentially you are, you're a disruptor, but more specifically, you are.

Look, last time my career was a little more narrow, let's say.

I was exclusively a new timey prospector, of course.

I came out to California to follow that rush, that gold rush, and start mining for Bitcoins.

You're a crypto guy, essentially.

Well, but now I've changed, Scott.

I mean, first of all, I need to thank you.

You need to thank me?

This is unprecedented.

I don't think anyone has ever thanked me on this show, and I defy anyone to come up with any tape where anyone has thanked me.

I certainly never have before.

I don't think I thanked you once in my past appearance.

I never thank you, Scott.

I'll never thank you.

Yeah, and Bob, I mean, you've never thanked me in your life.

Not even

I got you a glass of water once.

I remember when we were working together.

When we met, I told you

you can rely on me for a couple things.

One of them,

I can help you figure out your sketches, where they go.

You definitely did that, where they go.

You didn't help me with the writing of them.

No.

And weirdly enough, you were always like, oh, put that on Mr.

Show.

Number two, I will always share your sandwich.

Yep.

Whatever you do.

That's the other thing.

You were bragging about only having half a sandwich now.

You always took half of my sandwich back in the day.

So this is not a new thing.

And then thirdly, I will never thank you.

Yeah.

And that, and that's, you know, I've come through on all those promises.

26 years of never being thanked.

Well, I guess you can call me Bizarro, Bob Oden, Kirk, because Scott, I'm whipping up a big thank you.

Wow, this is crazy.

All right, hit me with it.

Hit me with it.

Scott,

living proof of the CBB bump.

I don't know if you notice.

I don't know if you read the news.

But October 2019, I appear on the show talking about mining for Bitcoin.

And since then, Bitcoin has gotten very big.

It's a CBB bump.

It's not a bump for you specifically.

It's just for the actual concept of Bitcoin.

Well, I don't know.

The value has increased.

I have a lot of Bitcoin.

How many Bitcoin do you have?

Two.

I mean,

it's more than I have.

So, hey.

But Scott, I've used that capital and I've I've decided I'm out of the Bitcoin mining.

I'm ready to use that capital to disrupt.

I want to disrupt multiple industries, Scott.

Multiple industries?

Yeah.

Cryptocurrency is a thing of the past, Scott.

No, don't say that.

My whole identity is based on it.

This is the opposite of a CBB bump.

It's a CBB punchdown.

I'm knocking Bitcoin out of circulation.

No.

Bob, how many Bitcoin do you have?

This is bad news for you because you're a big.

I have 30.

You're a big crypto guy, I know, Bob.

I have 30 Bitcoins.

Crypto is the past, Bob.

Take note.

Take out a notepad, Bob.

Take out your notepad, Bob.

I know you have several around.

Bob,

the future is un-encrypto.

Unencrypto?

Unencrypted things?

Unencrypted currency.

I am here to announce the creation of Skintcoin.

This is a radical new development in the world of digital currency.

Okay.

I mean, as I understand it, cryptocurrency is basically the whole

thing that attracts people to it is the fact that you

it has a unique code that has to be constantly mined and uses a lot of energy and is constantly solving algorithms.

That's what people like.

They like that it uses that much energy.

Right.

But what they like about it is that the code is not cracked and it is unique to them.

And in fact, I think I didn't read an article about a guy who couldn't remember his password and he had $10 million worth and he only had two password tries left and he's bummed because he can't figure it out.

Yeah, my friend Jack.

Yeah.

Oh, that's Jack.

Okay.

Wait, is that the Jack from Twitter?

Yeah.

Oh, okay.

Wow.

He's friends with Tom.

Oh,

so am I, though.

Yeah.

So he's a mutual friend.

Yeah.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah.

Skins is acting out Tom looking over his shoulder right now.

If you want to remember a password, and this is not a social media tip, by the way.

No, no, no, of course not.

But if you want to remember a password, you take three people that you sleep with, that you slept with, one person that you did just the hand stuff with, you cut all of their names in half, put it together, and put an exclamation mark in your favorite number.

Okay, so what is your password?

So my password is Rai Ty Mai

John

13

exclamation point.

Exclamation point 13.

Oh, okay.

So Rai must be Ryan.

Yes.

Ty was the next one?

Ty is Tyler.

Tyler, okay.

And then my would be.

Maya.

Maya.

Oh, okay.

So

you swing both ways, okay?

And then a John.

I did a hand stuff with John.

Okay, but is that short for Jonathan?

No, he says it's short for Johnny.

Johnny, okay, great.

And then your favorite number is 13.

Interesting.

Yes, I did my unlucky, lucky number.

Okay, great.

See, this was Jack's problem.

This has only slept with two people, and he abhors ham stuff.

Oh, no.

Well, why?

Mouth only.

With that guy.

Skin point.

Back to my original point.

Yes.

If

the algorithm is crackable and it's unencrypted, anyone can steal this cryptocurrency, can't they?

Scott, there's a reason that I'm a disruptor.

You're not, okay?

Because I'm thinking eight-dimensionally.

What you're saying, of course, is how if the code is unencrypted, are you going to keep the currency safe?

And I said, wait a second, let's take it off the computer.

Okay.

So this is the radical invention of Skincoin.

Skitcoin is physical crypto

currency.

Yes.

Wow.

Make coins.

Yep.

Okay.

What do they look like?

They are small, circular.

Circular.

That's the best kind of coin.

Yep.

They got me on them like this.

I'm doing the Tom.

You're doing the Tom currently.

You ever think about hexagons or octagons like a stop sign?

Never.

Never.

Never.

That's no, there's no market for that.

Skin coin, the entire point is you put the skin coins in your pocket.

No passwords, nothing to forget, no hand stuff.

But your pocket gets heavy with the skin coin.

Yeah, that's a good point.

Well, well, I thought about that.

Okay, so this is what I said.

Have you invented lighter pants?

People, no.

No, I'll leave that one to you.

Let's see how far do you get with that.

Okay, well, I've been trying for several years to have like pants that defy defy gravity.

So if you have heavy coins, it sort of evens out, but I've gotten nowhere with it.

People were telling me the coins were too heavy because they were made of solid gold, right?

Okay.

Okay.

Because I was like, they got to have the value inherent to the actual physical object.

Wait a minute.

They said too heavy.

So I said, here's what I'll do.

I'll print out pieces of paper.

And then I'll write on the piece of paper a number.

And then I'll tell you, look, I have a gold reserve somewhere.

This piece of paper is like a contract.

It's a promise that this paper is worth this amount based on the gold I have sitting somewhere.

Just trust me.

It's a note that has some sort of promise, a promissory note, one might say.

It's a promissory note.

Yeah.

Okay, this is a good idea.

This is, you truly are disrupting it.

And so people would just like carry these pieces of paper with them.

Like they're, what is it, a book?

They're carrying a book with them in their pocket?

No, individual slips.

Maybe you put them in a buy fold.

Okay.

Is it like the E-tickets that Disneyland used to have?

The A tickets, the B tickets?

Yes.

Where they have different values and stuff?

Yes, exactly.

And you can use them to buy

goods and services.

Like, for example, I don't know if you know about this.

NFTs are huge.

Oh, yeah.

NFTs are very big right now.

Bob, you're an NFT, aren't you?

Big time.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Non-fungible tokens.

I said, that sounds restrictive.

I'm here to announce fungible tokens.

Just FTs.

You can funge them.

You're going to funge them all over the place.

Well, obviously, Skins, this is a good idea, but I mean, I see one major problem with it.

Wouldn't I...

I have so many slips of paper in my pockets at all time.

Just so you can see it.

That is very cocky of you to say.

Yeah, I mean,

I mean, not your slips, certainly, but...

you know, just random slips of paper everywhere.

And I would worry I would get them all mixed up and I would, you know, be handing people some of my other slips, which I hold very dear to me when I'm trying to use your slips.

You know, I mean, this just, it doesn't sound like it would work out.

So what you would prefer is something like a virtual skin coin?

Yeah, maybe like a plastic card or something like that where,

you know, I could walk into a place and say like, hey, this card, if I show you this card,

I don't have to give you the slips of the money.

I can just show you.

that's interesting.

So, you're saying instead of individual pieces of paper with different numbers written on them, I give you one piece of plastic, yes, and you essentially bring it around to people and go, like, skints is good for it.

Just trust me, just trust me.

And we can call it a trust me card if you want, or no, I think we'll probably call it a skint card.

Oh, okay.

All right, sure, if you want your own branding on it.

That's what I'm saying.

Like these fungible tokens, you put your money somewhere safe where the value can only grow.

Okay, and do they have your picture on them?

No, I mean, there are all sorts of different fungible tokens.

Like, I, you know, I thought, oh, here's a fun thing because they're sort of like, I'd say maybe like small pieces of paper, the fungible tokens.

Okay, sure.

So I said, like, what should I put on these so people know they're not money?

And I was like, well, I put some athletes on them.

Really?

Like, who?

LeBron?

King James?

Yeah, sure.

King James, Jose Conseco.

Wow.

Honest Wagner.

Well, you know, three athletes.

Yeah.

Find another one to do some hand stuff with, and you got something.

Well, hey, now.

Hey, here are some other things.

Look, because I'm trying to build an entire empire here, right?

Email.

Who needs it?

Yeah.

Enough with it.

Enough with it.

Thank you, Bob.

Enough with it.

Enough.

I'm getting too many and I can't keep track.

Where did I put them?

So what is your solution?

Do you still want to communicate with people?

I do, but I want to add back

a little human touch.

So I'm introducing S-mail.

Let me guess.

The S stands for skints.

Clink it a click.

Yes, it does.

Okay.

S-mail is artisanal, handcrafted email.

Okay, so what do I do?

I go to my computer,

I type out an email, and I send it to you, and you write it out.

Nope.

No, sir.

Clink it a click.

You get a piece of paper.

Would you believe it?

It all starts once again with a piece of paper.

Okay, but

like papyrus, essentially.

Sure.

Like what the ancient Egyptians used.

They would, you know, cut like a little stuff off of trees.

Yeah, and what James Cameron used for the Avazar poster.

Right.

Well, gosh, this skins, I don't, I mean, this sounds great.

Where can we invest?

I mean, obviously,

Bob has a lot of money and Francesca seems poor to me, but

I'm in between.

I am poor, but I'm going to be rich soon when my cousins send me back the money that they make from the little kids.

It sounds like you're involved in like child slavery.

No, Scott, they're 18.

Oh,

this is good then.

For me, you know, everybody was always waiting for me to turn 18.

When I turn 18, everybody's so happy.

God.

Why?

Why do you not want to talk about it?

I don't want to get into your sordid past.

So many cool guys in my community waiting for me to turn it in.

Yeah, I don't know about that.

Well, look, Skinz, this sounds like a great idea.

We would all love to invest.

Clickety clank, of course.

I'm not sure why you're not calling it clickety clank money.

You have a famous catchphrase.

I'm not sure why you're branding it with your name instead of your catchphrase.

Clickety clank.

Thank you, Bob.

That's going to up the value of that catchphrase right there.

Clickety just

clinkety clank coin.

It's like if Bob were to

make some sort of money like this, he'd call him goddamnit coins.

That's true.

No, no, but

that's what I was going to say.

By your logic, the show would be called Mr.

Show with God damn it and David.

There's a difference between your name and your catchphrase.

That's right.

I don't know.

Say clinkety clank on them.

Oh, good.

Okay, good.

Then I have no further reservations.

Right under the Illuminati signal.

Yes, what's your question?

My question is, when I walk with all my coin in my pocket, do they go clink clank?

Clinkity clank.

Yeah, they do, like a bunch of pots and pans.

So everybody hear me when I'm walking around, okay.

Yeah, yeah, they go,

that's a splinter.

I got the idea for you.

You make a cargo short with a branding for clink clang.

I've been working on this, a lighter cargo short.

All the most hottest guy wears cargo short.

Yeah.

He

filled the bucket with the coin and make it look really heavy and droopy.

Everybody, like, wow, he's a cool guy.

I want to hang out with him.

He's cool and rich.

And he loud.

He's so loud.

He's so loud.

He's like deafening.

Okay.

So.

Wow.

These are great ideas.

Well, Skince, you've done it.

You've cracked the code.

Literally.

Literally.

But we're running out of time here.

We only have time for one final feature on the show, and that's a little something called plugs.

Hey, mister, wait up, would ya?

I'm a little baby plug boy.

I could vlog all night.

I don't have a mom and dad.

I'm covered in dirt and sad.

I'm a broken lead.

Excuse me, chum.

Can you spare a plug?

I don't have any family love.

That was just a tech dance I've done.

Thank you for the plug.

Wow.

Amazing.

That was Little Baby Plug Boy by Christina Orlando.

Thank you so much, Christina.

That was amazing.

I love the dancing.

That was incredible.

Well, that really

puts a smile on my face.

And what better time to plug things when you're smiling?

Bob, you have anything to plug?

No.

But if you haven't seen Nobody Nobody yet, go see the movie Nobody.

And

what else?

Wait, wait.

I'm plugging the idea of waiting for Better Call Salt.

Okay.

And wait in general.

Things weighing amounts of things according to

meanings of the word.

Or keep it.

Both meanings of the word.

Wait with time and let time go by.

Of course.

Leave it alone.

It'll go by just fine without your help.

You don't need to push it or anything like that.

And then also

weight, lift weights,

lift weights, gain weights,

lose weights.

Wonderful.

And Francesca, what are you plugging?

Okay, so obviously I'm not a social media expert, but I find a great account.

I think Jason Menzuki's account

on the Twitter.

So many funny jokes about being in Chicago being so stupid.

It's

at L-I-L-Y-Y-I-L-Y.

So it's a palindrome, essentially.

It's Lily and then Lily backwards.

No, because the no, it's not.

So I don't need to explain to you why, but it's not.

It's L

L Y L L I what.

It's not confusing, Scotty.

You take a pen and paper, you write it down right now.

L-I-L-Y, Y-I-L-Y.

Maybe Skins could put it on his money.

Would you mind putting that on your money?

No, I'll S-mail it to you.

I'll put a scamp on there and I'll S-mail it to you.

Oh, wait, these need stamps?

I'm out.

Oh, no, they don't.

They need scamps.

They're little stickers.

Scamps.

Retain value.

They got Rosa Parks on them.

Oh, okay.

Oh, I'm back in then, definitely.

Great woman.

I saw her on a Doctor Who episode.

Skince, what are you plugging here?

Well, I'm hosting a man TV this weekend.

Okay, so

Elon Musk, by the way, he just hosted SNL last weekend.

And so you're trying to one-up him?

Well, no, I just actually have a background in comedy.

I mean, how many times has Elon Musk been on Comedy Bang Bang?

I feel like I've earned my right to host it.

That's true, two appearances, and you have a background in comedy.

Yeah, but so look forward to that.

Of course, we're doing a sketch, Stuart Boza Scamp.

Clinkety Clank.

What else?

By the way, you can't just say clinkity clank to save a bad joke.

I think I can, clinkity clank.

And, you know,

there's a movie podcast I like.

Really?

It's worth its weight in gold.

Clinkety clank.

Okay.

It's called Blank Check with Griffin and David.

And it's David Sims, who's a critic for The Atlantic and some dumb fucking comedian.

And they talk about movies and directors, and they go through entire filmographies, and it's a real fun time.

Is he one of The Sims that I was playing with?

He is.

He's the tallest of The Sims.

Oh, okay, right.

He's if you move the height all the way up and you're like, that's it.

It feels like

it's an attack on other people who have to stand next to him.

Well, I want to plug, let's see, Freedom is my other podcast that comes out on Thursdays.

That's with Paul F.

Tompkins and Lauren Lapkus.

It's just the three of us, and it's just us sitting around as ourselves shooting the shit and playing games and stuff.

That comes out on Thursdays.

So subscribe to that wherever you can get podcasts.

All right, let's close up the old plug bag.

When you see something open, get a rope up and start to twist.

Then you find that you're getting the little I missed.

You think you're crying and you know what to do.

Get up in there and do what you do.

You gotta open up the plug bag.

Open it up.

Open up the plug bag.

Make sure it's not closed.

Open up the plug bags.

Make sure you got eyes and gems

and don't mess around with it.

Make sure you don't mess around.

Don't mess around.

And make sure you don't mess around.

Don't mess it up around.

Don't mess it up.

Don't mess around.

Don't mess with it.

Don't mess around and don't mess around.

Don't mess around.

Don't mess around.

around.

Open that shit.

Wow.

Wow.

Yeah, Francesca literally said wow and echoed me in the remix.

That was Mac and Carol made the closing up 2021 remix.

Incredible.

Thank you so much for your remixes.

I don't think we've repeated one this entire year.

You guys have been doing great with the remixes.

But speaking of doing great with things, Bob, I want to thank you so much for being on the show.

I know there are a lot of podcasts you can be on, and thank you for choosing ours.

You're welcome, Scott.

Good to see you.

It's great to see you.

And Francesca, it's great to see you again.

Good luck being out there in Chicago being poor.

Sorry, it's such a drag.

Yeah.

It's so stupid, but I have a whole stand-up special that I release.

How long is it?

Like, did you come up with a whole hour, or is it even more?

It's a two-hour

and a half.

And a half.

Oh, my God.

That's almost an Irishman.

It's so funny, Scott.

My whole improv class gave me notes.

It's so funny.

Everybody points out to me.

I can only imagine.

You're so hilarious anytime you're on the show.

I know you don't mean to be, but you just.

No, I mean to be.

Oh, now you mean to be funny?

Now I don't think you're that funny.

No, no, I'm not.

I'm not.

Okay.

And Skins, great to see you.

Good luck.

Clickety clank.

Thank you.

Clickety clank, of course.

And I wish I had a catchphrase that I could end the show on, but all I can really say is we'll see you next time.

Thanks.

Bye.

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