Waymo’ Secrets (Jason Mantzoukas, Anna Bezahler, Isabella Escalante, Stephanie Burchinow, May Darmon)

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Hey, I just met you, and this is crazy.

I'm purple and wrinkled.

I'm a California raisin.

Welcome to Comedy Bang Bang.

Thank you to Carly Ray Jetpack 3000 for that catch race admission.

And welcome to Comedy Bang Bang for another week.

That sounds like an indie rock band in like 2005.

Even early.

I think it's a 90s kind of like ultra lounge.

Yeah.

Yes.

Welcome to Comedy Bang Bang for another week.

We have a great show coming up a little later.

We have Entrepreneurs are back on Comedy Bang Bang.

Thank God.

It's a safe space for entrepreneurs again.

That's right.

We moved them out of the show and we had small business owners for a little bit.

For a while, you were like, you know what?

No fucking entrepreneurs are tired of being

tired of being podcast shark tanks.

But they, much like stars, are back.

We also have an automobile will be here and a tourist.

That is an exciting show.

I mean, here's the thing.

I think probably 90% of the audience was thinking they were going to turn this off.

And then

you just unloaded on them that there is an automobile and a tourist.

And some entrepreneurs?

I just want to be clear.

When you ran down the list of people, automobile was not last.

Nope.

Was not given the hero spot.

You know his singing from the comedy bang bang theme song that you just heard.

He has been on the show

previous to this.

He was on 76 times, which in this business, we call the trombone.

I was going to say, how many trombones is it?

I'm measuring trombones.

Yep.

Okay.

So it's one trombone.

You've been on.

I've been on the show.

Yep.

I've been on.

Man,

I've been working so long.

How many years to get to the bone?

I believe it's been

16 years.

It goes straight to the bone.

You're breaking off a new trombone, of course, in this episode.

It's your 77th appearance on this show, not counting the live episodes.

You know him from his own podcast, How Did This Get Made?

And things

like the good, it's either wife or place.

I don't know.

The good wife.

The good wife.

Yes, the good wife.

I'm Alicia Florix.

Like,

your side piece.

Oh, yeah.

I could talk about the Florix all day and everything.

The Florix?

Is that like a relationship?

I don't know.

I don't know what she was on the good wife.

No, it's like it's the husband and wife duo.

Oh, my God.

The Florix come to assassinate us.

I wish.

I wish someone would assassinate the Florix.

Yeah, really.

Tell me about it.

I don't know.

Oh, my God.

I got to watch that show.

You got to get involved with the good wife.

And while you're at it, get involved with the good fight.

Yes.

It's all Boransky all the time.

That's all I want.

Love Boransky.

Give me nothing but Boransky.

An all-Boransky episode.

How about an all-Boransky network?

Yes.

We have Sybil.

Yes.

Everything else.

Everything else.

All

the ABBA movies, of course.

Yeah.

Abbamia, one and two.

Yes.

Yes.

And I need nothing else.

Just on all of them.

And then just all the good wives and good fights.

Yes, of course.

Yeah.

You also know him from

Siri.

This whole episode is an intro

of a little

British show.

Oh, okay.

Here we go.

From across the pond.

You did say beforehand that you were going to unload a great new accent.

I assume this is it.

I like that unload is your word for 2025.

Yeah, yeah.

You said I'm going to unload a great new accent on you guys.

Just watched.

Series 19.

Pardon me, boy.

Oh, would you get

the one as big as me?

Of Taskmaster.

All episodes out now on YouTube.

Please welcome back to the show.

Breaking off a new trombone.

Jason Manzucas.

Oh, yeah.

Here we go.

Oh, yeah.

Much like Kool-Aid Man.

Yeah, just like the Kool-Aid Man, just like from Entourage.

Just like the Jane's Addiction theme song for Entourage.

Here we are.

But wow.

Here we are.

76 is wild.

76 is crazy, but

when you think about it, there's definitely live episodes in there.

And when you put it all together, that's got to be like a couple hundred hours of absolute yeah.

If these are about

an hour and a half apiece or something, and some of them on the big ones, those anniversary and so forth are like three hours long.

I was trying to count out if I have 10,000 hours yet.

You know, how they say it takes 10,000 hours to get to the bottom of the house.

Based on how bad you still are at this, the answer is unequivocally no.

I think we'll all know when you get there because this show will get good.

You've only done 78 of these.

I've done 900 and whatever.

Is that fair?

How so?

Well, I mean, like, why,

why am I taking up the lion's share of these episodes?

You know, super quick cue, follow-up cue.

Am I being paid for this?

No, absolutely not.

Am I barely?

Oh, you're getting some cash, baby.

I know what you're up to.

And guess what?

You're getting some cash too.

I always tip our guests

as they leave.

Yes,

you always leave a 10 on the side table.

At least 10% off.

Which is very weird.

At least 10% off.

And you also have that thing where you say, please leave your towels on the bed if you want them for tomorrow or on the floor if you want me to clean this this place is riddled with towels on the floor and pants on the ground much like american idol of course you remember that i don't pants on the ground pants on the ground don't remember wearing their pants on the ground nope

that was an older gentleman who of about 60 who auditioned so your age and say hey come on now i'm 29 of course famously

and uh

the youngest boy in podcasting sang a song about how uh the young people all were their pants so low that they were almost on the ground wait what show is this American Idol, dear boy.

And was, and wait a minute, was it an original song?

Yes, that he wrote.

Yeah.

Pants on the ground.

People do that.

Pants on the ground.

Do people do that on American Idol?

That's a real question.

Do they write?

Because I was always under the impression that American Idol does not foster original songwriters.

They, well, speaking of Foster, David Foster married Catherine McPhee.

Does that count?

How so?

I mean, if you

count as free associative wordplay, she was in American Idol.

She was second place.

Sure, and he is just David Foster.

He's David Foster, famous music producer.

Yes, I'm aware of who he is.

Speaking of people who write music.

Sure.

Foster, David Foster, married in an American Idol.

That's the kind of thing that happens on American Idol.

Okay.

Does not even know what it is.

That's what happens when the body starts slapping from doing the wild thing.

Oh, boy.

You are just out of control, Free Associates.

I'm out of pocket on this episode, Jason.

It's like you're just.

This is a brand new trombone for you.

It's like you just learned how to do the pattern game for a Herald opening.

Don't know what that is.

Jason.

I think the car and the tourists do.

Great to have you on the show again.

Of course, you're a regular on this show, but then you suddenly went across the pond on a big giant jet plane

and you starred on British television.

Starred.

On a show.

Number one on the call sheet.

Were you number one?

No, they don't have call sheets in the UK.

They don't.

What do they have?

Oh, it's just like a piece of parchment.

It's absolute bullshit.

How do you know where to go and what time to go and all that kind of stuff?

Oh, like a guy blows a trumpet.

Oh, yeah.

I go down and I get into a horse-drawn carriage and they bring me to set.

Yeah.

So just whenever you hear a trumpet, you got it.

I like it.

Let me, let's go.

Drop trowel.

And that's the problem is now whenever I'm in just like Los Angeles and I hear a trumpet, I'm like, where's my carriage?

Yeah, it's tough because this is the city of trumpets.

Yeah.

Well, it's, I mean, it's the year, it's the episode of trombones, but it's the city of trumpets.

City of trumpets.

So we're really brass specific.

We're brass heavy this episode.

We are.

What are other brass?

Of course, the saxophone.

If you could be any saxophone, what type would you be?

Tenor.

Yeah.

I mean, Barry, maybe, but that's so deep.

Yeah.

Put your ass to sleep.

Yeah.

So tenor, I think.

Yeah.

What about you?

I'd be Alto.

Alto?

Yeah.

You like that little high-pitched, that little bark?

Yeah.

I like that growl in the tenor.

Yeah, you're more of a Glenn Fry, you belong to the city kind of saxophone.

Sure, that's how I.

That's where I.

When I think of saxophones, I always think of Glenn Fry's oeuvre.

I don't think that's a problem.

That's one of the most famous saxophone solos of all time.

Careless Whisper is undeniably more famous.

You belong to the city.

Go ahead and sing it.

How does the Gu belong to the city?

You know this song.

I don't.

Is that the bass?

Yeah, I think so.

Yeah.

Oh, you're miming the bass right now.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah.

You're a drummer.

I am a drummer.

And yet you know how to mime the bass.

I know to mime the bass.

Your story is inconsistent.

How so?

Well, I mean,

you purport to be a drummer, although I've never seen you drum.

Okay, good.

And you know what?

I will keep that promise.

You talk about it all the time.

You're like, oh, yeah, I'm a drummer.

I'm a drummer.

And yet I sing one.

I think about it all the time, but all I say is I'm a drummer.

I'm a drummer.

I'm a drummer.

I'm a drummer.

That is very rhythmic.

I sing one bass line, and suddenly you pick up an air bass as if you've been playing it all your life.

As if I'm Jocko Pastorius himself.

Exactly.

And I'm like, who is this guy?

Why is he lying to me about this drumming thing?

He's obviously a bassist.

Here's the thing.

I wish I was.

I would love to play bass.

What a cool instrument, but no, can't, but I can mine the hell out of it.

Yeah.

But I can't play it one lick.

Really?

If I were to hand you a bass, I am a drummer.

Yes.

If you were to give me it, where is it?

All right.

Here's one right here.

Okay.

Okay.

You're a bassist.

Here's what I can do.

I can can do kevin eubanks things from the tonight show

i can't do any of his uh rapport but i can do his

the tonight show man okay what a storied history go on

well you have jack parr oh okay we're going back we're going back to the beginning johnny carson himself did it for 30 years holy cow can you believe it can you believe just some of the people who have hosted that show let's incredible let's let's it's incredible.

How many more?

Not that many more.

I mean,

you got Leno twice.

Yep.

Open once.

And now we get to.

What's his net?

Fimmy Jellon.

Fimmy Gelon.

Wow.

I mean, what a lineage.

It's incredible.

When are you going to do it?

When do you think they will come to you to say, listen, we've heard the pod.

Here's the thing.

We're taking the tonight show.

I feel like Fallon's got to retire at some point when he gets too old.

Then they look at people who are younger, 29-year-olds like myself,

who have experience.

Interviewing interesting people.

Not 10,000 hours worth, maybe.

Seemingly not enough.

He's probably, Yimi Fallon's probably done 10,000 hours on that show, right?

How many episodes has he done?

For sure.

And they're all an hour a piece of the show.

When you add the first show he did to this.

How many

hour,

no, how many

episodes

that you're typing tonight?

What methodology are you using?

Jimmy Fallon hosted.

Are you typing?

Okay, okay.

What is this?

AI or 2,000.

2,000 hours or 2,000 episodes?

Both.

Oh, I guess you're right.

Yeah.

Does that include the late night show or just

show?

Okay, how many episodes of what was that called?

Late night?

Late night has Jimmy Fallon hosted?

930.

He's still under 3,000.

Wow.

Wow.

So we're still in.

3,000 a lot like Carly Ray Jetpack 3,000.

On tour with Brand Van 3000.

That's who I'm thinking.

That's what I was thinking of, too.

It was the 3000.

The 3000.

Power Man 2000?

Probably.

I think so.

Who knows at this point?

No one involved, and that was dead.

There's a lot of numerals in bands in the late 90s.

Link 182.

Yes.

Yeah.

The rest.

Three doors down.

Three doors down.

There's too many doors.

Really?

Yeah.

If I want to borrow a cup of sugar, I'm going to go to my next-door neighbor.

That's interesting.

Free.

Love, did Mocha have a cup of sugar?

Okay, so

in this one, you live in the UK.

Yep.

Wait, are you, so you're a British citizen asking for sugar?

Oh, I hate to knock on the door of your old flat.

Oh, I'm sorry, apartment here in the United States.

That's really good.

I am shocked you don't get more acting work.

I know, so am I.

In the UK.

It's crazy.

Hey, I'm available.

Much like

you said you were available to do tasks with me.

Yeah, and they said, please come.

Please come do it immediately.

Yeah.

And you did.

And I was great.

And I was great.

And I won the whole thing and I made all the money.

It's

$4 million on Task.

A lot of people, because they don't, you know, it's a different culture out there in the UK.

They don't like to brag about how much money they're giving away.

But it was a $4 million.

$4 million purse.

Yeah.

It was like 3.5 million pounds.

Yeah.

Which translates to 4 million dollars.

It was crazy.

And they don't even talk about it.

They don't think twice about it.

They're just tossing money into the literal garbage.

Here's $4 million here.

Enjoy it.

Yeah.

Yeah.

What are you going to spend it on?

Oh, I already spent it mostly on candy.

Yeah.

I know.

What's your favorite candy?

Twix.

Twix.

Because you know why?

There's two of them.

Yeah.

Which one's your favorite?

You buy a Hershey bar, and then like I'm as a fan of Twix, I go buy a Hershey bar.

You're not buying it?

I open it up, and then it's like, there's only one of them.

Wait, as a fan of Twix, you buy a Hershey bar?

Yeah.

Why?

Because they're all out of time.

I bought all the time.

As a fan of Twix, I buy a Twix.

Guess what I'm not doing?

Downgrading to a Hershey bar.

Hershey ain't the worst candy bar on the planet.

It's garbage.

It's a big planet.

So that's why I'm I'm so shocked you brought it into the mix here.

I'm embarrassed.

If they don't have a tweaks, I'm getting a take-five.

Yeah.

Are there five of those?

What do you mean?

In a package.

In each package, there's five take-fives.

There's five take-fives?

Yeah.

It's five squares.

25?

25.

Great.

All right.

Jason Manzouka is a hater.

Straight into the break.

We got to get to our first guests.

Oh, yeah.

You're just here as a little flavor.

You're not our first guest, of course.

Of course not.

Taskmaster, all seasons available now.

I would hope that I am never a guest on this show.

I am just here in support of you.

You're just here as like MSG on our food.

You know what I mean?

Flavoring, seasoning.

Mm-hmm.

And the episodes you're not on, I advertise.

No MSG.

Thank God.

No, Jason Manzig.

Your initials are almost MSG.

They are not.

In a way, they almost are.

In fact, not even remotely.

Wonderful.

Jason Manzig.

Too many letters.

Only one of of them over.

Yes.

They are entrepreneurs.

So exciting to have entrepreneurs back on the show.

Finally.

Please welcome Austin and Tony.

Hello.

Hi.

Hi.

Hi.

Hi, boys.

How's it going?

Great to meet you.

Austin.

Great to meet you guys.

Hey, great to meet

you.

Couple of boys.

Yeah.

Well, we would prefer, like, I know you guys are looking at us and you're thinking, like, whoa, those guys are like two 17-year-old stoners.

I had downgraded you to 16, so I apologize.

Oh, we're

16 and a half, really.

Yeah.

Oh, you're 16 and a half?

Scott?

17 and a half.

Whenever Scott sees kids, he always sees them younger for some reason, which is so weird.

Yeah, that's kind of bizarre, dude.

Yeah, it's kind of weird.

Like, honestly, I apologize.

You should be looking at us as

great, like, like financial minds.

Wow, cool.

Are you guys in the market?

What do you sell?

What is your entrepreneurs?

What is your business?

You're young.

Maybe it's crypto.

I don't know.

Better than that.

Better than that.

Allow us to pitch you using the strong method.

Yeah.

Is that Jeremy Strong from Succession?

Yeah, it's based off of Jeremy Strong from Succession because he did an amazing pitch in one scene that they ended up cutting, and then they just made a method after that.

I never heard that.

But his method.

So that makes sense.

Yeah, he is.

As are we

in the sense of

doing this method.

Yeah.

Okay.

Well, hit us.

Cool with L.

You're going to pitch us your business?

Yeah.

First of all, okay, so, okay, remember, dude?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Okay, so first we brought it, we wrote it down.

First, we established control.

So we set the frame.

Establish control.

Yeah.

Okay.

Because shut up.

Get down on the floor.

Oh, shit.

Shut up.

Yeah.

Okay.

Okay.

How far down?

Do you know?

Just on the ground.

Yeah.

Like

lay flat on the ground or like

a plank.

So

do we plant a plank on it?

Do you want a plank?

Just okay.

Can you

strong enough?

I can do it for like 45 seconds.

How long can you do it?

Oh, I can do it for longer, but I mean, like, I'll do it for as long as you can.

You guys should do it for the length that the person who's the weakest does it.

So, yeah, 45 seconds.

Okay, like 45 seconds.

Okay.

All right.

We're planking on the ground.

Okay, okay.

We'll do the whole thing.

Tell the story.

Yeah, tell the story.

Okay.

Do you guys have dicks?

Okay.

Now that's interesting.

Yes, yes.

Of our own.

Of course.

Okay.

Yeah.

So, and then do you have shoes, right?

Yeah.

I mean, I have several pairs.

I don't, I mean, I don't.

Mean to come off like a Hollywood big shop.

Do you mean like dress shoes or just any kind of shoes?

White sneakers.

Oh, yeah, yeah.

Yeah,

for sure.

Perfect.

Now we, um, now we reveal the intrigue.

Have you ever wanted a picture of your dick on your shoes?

Huh.

A picture of my dick on my shoes that

a photograph or a cartoon.

For someone that's looking at the shoe or for me to look down and see?

For you to look down and see in one section, and for someone to see as you walk by another side, on the side or on the tongue, on the tongue and the side, yeah, on the tongue and side.

You didn't answer my question.

Is it a photograph or is it a it's a super realistic drawing, hyper-realistic.

Okay, I just want to say that Scott stopped doing the plank a while ago, but I'm still going.

Oh, Scott, can you please go back to doing that plank?

No core.

He was

trembling so much.

Yeah, shaking.

You're playing games with us.

We can direct you to our website, www.cool dick shit.

Why only two W's?

Yeah, so you got rid of that third W, huh?

I mean, it's waste a lot of time typing in that third one.

I mean, worldwide.

Yeah, that's all we need.

That's all we need.

I know it's on the web.

Or, I guess, on you.

I guess it could be wide web.

Yeah, that's true.

Or World Web.

World Web, I guess.

Yeah.

Yeah.

What are your W's?

What is the what?

What are your W's?

It's what is the what?

What is the W.

What is the what?

Oh, what's the what?

I mean, we need to listen to that.

Forget about it.

Yeah,

yeah.

That's okay.

Sorry.

We got a little rattled.

We knew this would happen.

That's why we were trying to establish control

of the meeting.

So how do you get these pictures of our penises?

You can draw it yourself or send in a picture.

And we also have three penises that you can choose from, a la carte.

Yeah.

If you

that are supposed to look like ours.

Yeah, if you connect with them, you can do it.

Do you mind sending me these?

Oh, you've already airdropped them to me.

Yeah, okay.

Oh, wow.

Why do you have so many other pictures of dicks on there?

I have to think they must have said that hundreds of times in the past or something.

I don't know.

Truly check it out.

Truly, truly check it out.

Truly, truly check it out.

Okay.

I mean, I will give you my word I will check it out.

And I mean that truly.

Put it on your computer now.

Yeah.

We have all the power.

Okay.

Yeah.

Let me check it out.

www.cooldickshoes.com.

Cooldickshoes.com.

It's real.

Okay.

It actually is.

We made it this morning.

So you, and we are really excited about the product.

Younger generation is like so cool.

Oh, wow.

It is real.

Here's the thing.

The site is live.

The site is live.

Okay.

Oh, and you can pick your dick.

Wait, what are these?

Can you read these?

Okay, so we have one style is called the mister.

Yeah.

That's just sort of based on someone that is just everyday man.

Just an everyday man.

An everyday uncircumcised shooter.

Yeah.

Okay.

It is not based on us.

Not us.

Yes, of course not.

And you guys being 16, it would be inappropriate for us to even discuss whether it was based on us.

So this is for those of you out there who are short dick kings.

Short dick kings are a big market we want to get involved in.

What's interesting is,

are you guys looking at the.

I guess you have it.

We have it downloaded.

What's interesting about the Mr.

versus the Tony versus the Austin.

By the way,

your names are Tony and Austin.

Yeah, that's a coincidence.

Yeah, it's not something that we panicked and couldn't think of a name for, and it is based on us.

Okay.

What is the difference, Jason?

Well, I'm curious about the difference in pubes.

Right.

Because the Mr.

is short and curlies, and the Tony and the Austin are straight.

Uh-huh.

And they, and they...

I would say that the Tony sort of looks like Don Johnson in Miami Vice.

What do you mean?

A television show that You Belong in the City was once played on.

Oh, boy, that's the...

You're trying to force that callback in?

How does the Tony look like Don Johnson?

Yeah, but

his facial hairstyle.

You know what?

He had a very recognizable facial hairstyle.

And you think it's the Tony's pubes?

Absolutely not.

As opposed to the Mr.

If I saw the Mr.'s on Don Johnson's face, I would go like, boy, he's looking.

So you look at pubes and you see faces?

Yeah.

That's exactly how we see pubes too.

Wow.

Okay, so these guys are right in line with you.

Yeah, pubes are really kind of the doorway to a face.

Okay, so now we're okay.

So we got three stars.

Thank you for scrolling.

Three stars of pushes.

And then pick your shoes.

Pick your shoes.

So it's on the side.

Okay, so now that's this is interesting because

what I like the tony because the tony really works well with the shoes line.

Yeah, the line of the shoe.

Honestly, the tony looks a little like an emblem or a crest.

Yes.

Exactly.

The mister looks like something like felt, like, looks like a glob of something on there.

And that's how some penises look, and that's what we want to capture.

Because sometimes it's a little bit more.

Some penises are globs on there.

Yeah, and sometimes it is an emblem, and that's powerful.

I see, I see that down at the bottom here, you're requiring everyone to register with the site.

Yeah, we would prefer it because we're trying to get analytics, yes.

Okay, of course, you got it, you got to get the data.

I have a feeling our listeners are going to give you a lot of data.

Good, good, because we're not just two stoners who came up with this idea this morning.

Yeah, we are not.

We're serious and we're interested, and we are going to avoid being needy or beta.

Yeah, that was something we talked about.

So, you guys are so this business is in pursuit of being an alpha.

Yes.

Or a sigma?

Yeah.

Yes.

Yeah.

Sigma cum laude.

Okay.

Very cool.

Yeah.

Hey, can I ask guys, are these to scale at all?

Or because the Tony seems to be about, you know, judging on a shoe size.

On the shoe, as the crow flies, it looks to be about one inch long.

That's correct.

And that is to scale.

That's to scale based on anybody in the world.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Okay.

We don't look at each other's dicks and sketch them and then run out of places to draw and did it on a shoe and then

never looked back.

Yeah, exactly.

That did not happen.

No, no, no, no.

What did happen?

What did happen?

Our story.

Tell your story.

Yeah, our story.

Okay.

We're two young men who met in a karate class.

Oh, wow.

Two bluebells.

Was it a how to do karate or how to protect yourself from karate?

It was how to protect yourself from karate.

Yes.

And what are the basic steps there in order to...

First, run.

Second, hide.

Smart.

Third, say, no karate here.

No karate here.

Not interested.

Yeah.

And then you put your finger in an X.

Yeah.

And then cry.

That ought to do it.

Yeah.

Five steps right there.

Yeah.

And how many classes do you sign?

How many classes does it take to master all these classes?

At least five for the five steps.

Yeah.

They're eight-week classes.

There's four, there's four levels, and then you can do advanced.

And we both made it into advanced at a really early age.

Okay.

And then how soon after you complete Advanced can you be on a Herald team?

So the Karate team is karate.

A Karate team of protecting yourself.

A dojo team.

I'm sorry.

Yeah, yeah.

The Karate Herald team is really hard to get on because there's only two

open spots a year usually because, you know, obviously people want to stay in that world as long as possible because it's the mecca and apex of joy.

And are the teachers allowed to date the students?

Yes.

Yeah, it's encouraged.

Right.

Yeah.

Often that actually.

There's a lot of similarities with the improv world here.

Improv?

Oh, Oh, improv.

Huh.

I get it now.

I see what you're going for.

I haven't.

Yeah, we don't do improv.

We're not theater kids.

We smoke and do karate.

Yeah, you guys are just athletes who met and just came up with a great business idea.

Yeah.

Absolutely.

Yeah.

Yeah.

How much do these run for?

And I don't mean that as a pun because they're shoes.

That's very funny.

That's good.

Thank you so much.

Mister.

What's his name?

Oh, by the way, the Mister.

The Mister is the one I.

By the way.

there's another little detail of the site that I'm noticing.

The penises have the penis styles have prices on them.

The mister is $25.

The Tony is $45, and the Austin is $100.

I'd love to dig into that price discrepancy.

Yeah.

Sure.

And we have a...

Yeah, we have a good

seem as though all of them are just applying a decal to a sneaker.

So what is the value attached?

Right.

So the value is the penis that you're investing in.

I see.

And what's so incredible is that if you have a bad penis, you can always point to your shoe and say it looks like that if you're interested in sucking it.

Now, yeah.

And that's going to cost you a little more.

Yeah.

And that's like.

What will cost you more?

Just having a good penis on your shoe so you can do something cool like that.

Now, the Austin is the most expensive one.

Yeah, isn't that the best one?

I mean,

I would say it's definitely the shortest if that's what you mean by best.

Yeah, it seems it's the balls are hanging lower than the penis.

This is the one where the balls are hanging lower than the shaft.

Yeah.

I mean, it's flaccid, obviously.

Yeah, well, it's maybe a grower, not a shower.

Yeah, awesome.

Or maybe it's neither.

It could be.

Yeah, I think it's not.

I think it's like, this is just what it is all the time.

Yeah.

And I think it's a really special penis that people should be spending a lot of money to get.

It's a $55 markup for this particular penis.

That penis is twice as expensive as the other penises.

It's the same up or down.

By the way, I encourage everyone to go onto cooldickshoes.com for a second screen experience while you're watching.

Oh, yeah.

Unless you think that somehow this is not a real thing we're looking at, in fact,

it's very real.

And I hope that you've got it in perpetuity for as long.

We have that domain for three years.

Three years.

Unless you guys wanted to invest, I think then we could probably bump it up to five.

Okay, now I'm clicking on about.

Uh-huh.

Yeah.

And it's got both of your pictures here.

It says who we are, and it just says two two bros with the right ideas about dicks and shoes.

I mean, hard to argue.

It's hard to argue.

Yeah, I don't need any more than that.

One of the things I'm curious about.

Tony, right?

It looks like you're wearing a helmet, a cycling helmet in yours.

Yeah.

It's not cycling.

It's for waveboarding.

Oh, okay, cool.

Okay.

Because I was going to say, you seem like the kind of cool rebel that wouldn't wear a helmet.

Yeah, no, but you know what's rebellious is keeping your mind in shape for like financial deals and stuff.

Wow.

Yeah.

Yeah.

This is like that.

this is that next generation thinking you know what i mean which is like yeah protect your mind because your mind is your most valuable resource that's exactly true like a lot of times people think like hey your like penis shape is like your most valuable resource something i'm the guy who's saying like um that actually your mind is like one of your most valuable resources Wow.

Interesting.

I've clicked on carts and there's nothing in my shopping cart.

I will say, Tony, I do feel like the only bummer is.

Yeah, talk into the mic, Jason, if you don't mind.

I know you're looking at a computer.

I'm sorry.

I'm trying to look at it.

I'm just looking at some of the price discrepancies.

Tony, like,

not that these are your dicks on the screen that I'm looking at.

I don't want to be saying that, especially to 16-year-olds.

Yeah.

Why do you value yourself at $45 the way that, I mean,

Austin is $100.

Austin is one of the, I mean, that's one of the best dick designs of all time.

No one can argue with that.

As CFO of the company, I'm- Oh, wow.

You're CFO.

Oh, yeah.

I forgot to mention.

Wow.

Yeah.

No, I read Pitch Anything this morning.

Yeah.

So last week, last week.

Last list.

Last week.

Yeah, last week.

I would think the shoe style.

Hang on a second, Scott.

I'm so sorry.

Yeah.

Why is it important that you read it last week versus this morning?

What's the timeline?

We're not like two stoners who like woke up this morning with an idea.

No, we're prepared.

We thought about this a long time.

We did the work and we did the research.

Here's the thing.

Yeah, go ahead.

Our booking process is we just book people without hearing what they have to say.

Totally, I get it.

So occasionally we'll book people and people at the last minute will try to come up with something to talk about.

This is a great idea that I think will make you both rich.

Really?

I don't think you should build it off of a lie.

Did you come up with this this morning?

No.

No.

Okay, no.

You both look panicked.

No, no.

This morning?

No.

This morning?

This morning?

I was having sex this morning.

I wasn't available.

Yeah,

I was having sex in

a 10-foot tall, or sorry, a 10-story skyscraper with a lady in heels.

Heels, not a skyscraper.

That's a 10-foot 10-story building.

You said a 10-foot-tall, then a 10-story skyscraper?

10-story.

10-story skyscraper.

I was there too.

Yeah.

You were there too?

Oh, yeah.

Sex.

Yes.

Yes.

With a lady in high heels.

I was doing it.

He was giving me tips and watching with a cocktail.

Yes.

Oh, my gosh.

I love it.

It's crazy.

Wow.

Who is the lady?

Business lady.

Lady.

Oh, business lady.

Were you talking about this business?

Yeah.

Yeah.

It was actually started out.

We had a meeting.

That's unprofessional.

Yeah, you were mixing business with pleasure, it sounds like.

Hey, I have a question.

So, what?

Staying in Damnett.

Staying in.

Dumb rattle.

She said to call.

Now it's like, is it about the business or the pleasure?

I don't.

Just give me some, give me a vape.

Here?

Hey, guys, I really wish you wouldn't vape on this.

Yeah, wild just disappears.

I smell expensive.

It smells like birthday cake.

Exactly.

But I have have a question.

It's birthday cake flavored.

Oh.

We're supposed to hide it.

Hide the smoke in my mouth.

Now they're just passing the smoke back and forth in their mouth.

It's disgusting.

I can only hold half.

Here's the other half.

Now, I do see that Scott is filling out an order.

Yes, our first order, man.

Yes, Stop.

Wait, your first order?

No, no.

We got an order last week from a lady in high heels.

She said, Oh, what is she a customer?

She's a customer, yeah.

Well, she's a customer, potential investor.

Customer acquisition.

Can you put dicks on high heels?

Can you put, yeah,

you can.

I didn't know if it was only the sneaker on the site.

It seems to be.

Only the sneaker on the site as of now.

In development, we have a high-heeled dick.

Yeah.

And actually, we've.

Where the heel is a dick?

Mm-hmm.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Wow.

I mean, if you could get that on Sex in the City.

Wow.

Yeah.

Oh, my God.

Carrie would love it.

Absolutely.

Are you more of a Carrie or are you more of a Samantha?

Yeah.

Honey.

Miranda.

You're a Miranda, really?

Yeah, people say that I can be,

you know, I'm a short guy with short hair, and often I do come off as a lesbian.

So

Miranda.

It sounds also like you might be a Steve.

That's so true.

Oh, my God.

Just a little guy.

Just a little guy who works at a bar.

Why have I never said I'm a Steve Tarnis?

Dude, we were walking around seeing you like the guy.

I'm like, I'm a Miranda.

Yes.

I'm a lesbian.

I like girls so much.

I'm a lesbian.

I'm a girl.

I'm more of a Che Diaz.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I can see that.

No one wants to be around me.

Whoa, King.

What are you?

I'm a Miranda too, man.

We're peas in the pod, dude.

Yeah.

Yeah, yeah.

Just two Mirandas.

Yeah.

I mean, like, business-minded.

That's great.

You know?

Super business-minded.

Super.

Guys, I have to ask, one of these dicks is the Tony, and one is the Austin.

Who is Mr.?

Who is the Mr.?

Because this is an uncircumcised person that you guys both know.

And is unquestionably the biggest dick in the group.

Which is not saying anything because it looks about one and a half inches.

Well,

it's flaccid.

So, I mean, the mystery is aspirational.

Oh.

The mystery is the every Mr.

Man.

Yeah.

So that's the platonic ideal of a dick?

Exactly.

Like, if you're

in a cave, like Plato's Cave, like, that's the dick that every dick was made from.

Sure, from Plato's Cave.

Yeah.

Was Plato in a cave?

Oh, yeah, absolutely.

He was in a cave for eight crazy nights.

Yep.

Exactly.

Didn't you know about that's how we get

how we get hunting?

Well, guys, this is an incredible business opportunity.

I assume you're asking us to invest or you just, yeah, how much?

And how can what do we get out of this?

Okay, what you get out of it is, first of all, two shoes of your very own.

Okay, wait, two pairs of shoes or just two shoes, like a pair of shoes.

Now we can offer you two shoes.

Are they a right and a left?

Yes.

Okay, great.

Okay, this is a $100 value if you get the Austin.

Oh, yeah.

Well, let me be clear.

I'm getting the Austin.

Sure, sure.

Of course, we're getting the Austin.

I mean, if you're going to get, I mean, what are you going to get?

Are you thinking about getting the Mister?

I might get the Mister.

It's only $25.

Wow.

It does allow you to sing Mr.

Mister.

That's a good point.

You can see you sing Curious Crazy.

Laison, the rest.

Yeah.

Well, I mean, of course, there's the other get.

Broken Wings?

Yep.

That's the one.

Thank you.

But yeah, if we were to invest, we get two shoes.

What else?

You get a lifetime supply of

smoking with us.

Yeah.

So every time you, if you ever come over, we're in Seal Beach.

Anytime you come over, you can smoke whatever.

I don't know.

It's actually not far.

As the crow flies,

how about as the man drives?

Oh.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Wait, did you guys arrive on those bird scooters out there?

Yeah.

Okay, cool.

It only takes.

They look trashed.

Yeah.

You threw them into my rose bed.

Yeah.

We did.

Yet another episode where you managed to work in your rose bed.

Well, I have a lovely garden and I want to show it off.

Yuck.

I don't know, guys.

For this reason, I might be out the seal beach of it all.

Really?

Here's the thing, guys.

I'm in.

Whoa.

Really?

I'm in all the way.

I think this is a home run idea.

I have literally never seen anybody prepare for this podcast.

Period.

With a big website.

Period.

And not only have you done it you've gone above and beyond so yes i will order these shoes i demand that they arrive they'll arrive okay yeah no that we we're really good at follow-through and i mean i think i mean i'm gonna i think i'm gonna do the austin yeah i mean it's the most expensive one the tony is good because it's hard but the austin i just the the austin the others might be hard jc you keep saying they're not hard well i think they're very much not in what way they're pointed down some people can be hard and point straight down that's absolutely correct wait what

That's absolutely correct.

Tony, you jumped right off.

Wait, yeah, I'm just saying.

Tony, you look panicked.

Dude,

we call that a tripod.

Tony, you are hard in this one.

Just want to remind you, you're the hard one.

And I just.

Your anger is pointing straight up, unless it's upside down and your balls are on top of your penis.

Now, that is absolutely correct.

I think that's what's happening in the drawing.

That's correct.

That's what's happening in the drawing.

I'm not saying that's any reflection on reality.

Are you okay?

Am I okay?

My mouth's a little dry.

Okay.

Do you want to take a water break or something?

Tony's too hot.

I'm not weak, man.

I'm not weak.

I don't even want.

Tony, take a deep breath.

Okay.

You got this, man.

You got this.

Tony's in like a defensive karate stage right now.

Don't come near me with karate.

Don't come near me with karate.

I learned this in level six.

Don't come near me with karate.

Okay, we're not getting near you with karate.

Hey, man, hey, man.

I'm so thirsty.

It's cool.

It's cool.

There's water right now.

I'm not going to take a drink that's weak.

It's not weak.

That's not the stomach.

That's not me.

I'm drinking.

Exactly.

You're the beta.

You drink water.

You're a fan.

They got me, Scott.

They got me.

Fuck.

Invest with us, man.

They're going to smoke me with us.

All right, guys.

Well, look.

Come on.

Jason, it sounds like Jason's in.

I'm in.

I think these kids are cool as hell.

I might be out, but we're running up here at the end of this segment.

We need to take a break, if that's okay.

But Tony and Austin, do you mind sticking around?

For sure.

Yeah.

You're free.

Can we vape in here?

No, absolutely not.

But you've already done it, so, you know.

Yeah.

I guess so.

Thank you so much, mister.

I'm not, Mister.

Are you the first?

Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.

I was not sending pictures back of my penis.

What do these guys know?

Look, we have to take a break.

We're going to come right back.

We'll have more Jason Manzugas, more Austin and Tony.

We'll be right back with more comedy after this.

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You know, when you think about game day,

you might not think Wayfair, right?

I mean, they're two...

One's two words and one's one word, first of all.

That's confusing right off the bat.

And then they're totally different

letters, although the A's, there still are two A's, but the G and the M, those aren't in Wayfair, and the W and the

Y is in both.

I mean, this is pretty similar, actually.

Game day, Wayfair.

I mean, you might think about it, but one reason you should is because Wayfair, right?

Wayfair is the best kept secret for incredible and affordable game day finds, whether you're upgrading your tailgate with coolers that stay cold or patio heaters that stay hot.

Cold things should stay cold and hot things should stay hot, right?

Wayfair has something for every style and every home, no matter your space or your budget.

They even have decor and merge from your favorite sports teams.

And the best part, Wayfair offers free and easy delivery, even on the big stuff.

And when you're talking big stuff, here's what I ordered from Wayfair the other day.

I mean, when I say I, I mean Kulop.

Kulop ordered a bunch of holiday stuff.

She ordered a giant skeleton for Halloween.

A rabbit sitting with a ladybug.

That, I guess, that's year-round.

That can just stay out there forever.

So, yeah.

So, Wayfair's not only got stuff for game day, but also has a bunch of holiday stuff that my wife likes.

In any case, Wayfair is your trusted destination for all things game day, from coolers and grills to recliners and slow cookers.

Shop, save, and score goal today at Wayfair.com.

That's W-A-Y-F-A-I-R.com.

Wayfair, every style, every home.

Comedy bang bang, we're back.

Jason Manzukas is here.

Hey, series 19 of Taskmaster on YouTube now.

And

of course, Invincible, you're part of the Invincible verse.

Oh, yeah, as are you, Sue.

I'm in season five, yes.

Whenever that comes on,

not for quite a while, but had a great time recording it.

So fun, so good.

One of the only jobs I've done where I felt like I did a good job.

Oh, really?

Because the person in charge said I did a good job.

So susceptible.

If you're in charge of something out there, tell people they did a good job.

Isn't that good?

It worked.

Yes.

Oh, yeah.

How did we do

Austin and Tony are

there?

Aces, guys.

Of course, of cooldickshoes.com.

A real website.

A real website.

And a real business, apparently.

And have you gotten your shoes yet?

Since the break?

Yeah.

I don't know what the delivery time is on these.

That would be incredible if these two 16-year-olds can get that.

What does it take to get these shoes?

Check your shoes.

Oh, oh, shit.

I'm wearing them.

I'm wearing them too.

Holy shit.

Oh, my God.

I've got the Austin on my feet, baby.

I got the Mr.

I'm looking down at this.

I'm just looking at my own picture.

I'm looking down at this dick, and it looks good.

All right.

Well, we need to get to our next guest.

I mentioned a car is on the show, right?

Do you think that you...

Yes, you did.

Do you think that you'll have them put your dick on your sneakers or you're going to pick one of the three?

I hope they put...

yeah, this is a good question.

Have you ever done the reverse?

You put

shoes on a dick?

Shoes on a sneakers.

Okay, now hold on a second.

You know what?

You don't have to answer that.

You're not their lawyer.

Why are you covering the microphone?

Like, it's a Senate hearing.

I'll allow it.

Of course, we did that, but we did test it in the market and it was not of interest.

Are there any liability issues if I wanted to have not my dick and not one of these dicks, but someone else's dick on my shoe?

Yeah.

You know, like Harvey Keitel Keitel from the piano, oh, or

yeah, we can do that, yeah, yeah, or Ben Affleck from Gone Girl, or um, yeah, Kevin Bacon from Something Wild, not Something Wild, from Wild Things, yeah, these are the famous dicks that we've seen on screen, yes, we know them, or Fastbender.

Can I get okay, let's get a fast bender?

Do you have a Fastbender on here?

Oh, we can make that, yeah, we can make that.

We can make that, yeah, sure.

Because it's a drawing, you can do anyone's dick.

You don't own your dick shape, yeah.

Oh, I do.

Oh, did you copy right here?

Yeah, I copied, I copied, yes, I, I, i i put i filed a copyright for my dictionary all you have to do is mail it to yourself yes i just traced it and mailed it to myself and yeah to the writer's guild yep i gotta do that i keep sending them to the writer's guild

well guys we have to get to our next guest i mentioned a car is on the show uh please welcome kayla hi hi hi so nice to meet you oh my gosh great to be here i'm actually um i'm actually not just a car oh wow i'm a waymo oh

okay this is interesting because i have seen waymos driving around around.

You got one up during the protest.

Did you set it on fire?

Yeah.

Oh, wow.

Yeah.

That was actually, that was a dear friend of mine.

Oh,

she's okay now.

She's okay now, but she's unable to work and actually is having issues getting

unemployment from the government.

Okay, now hang on.

So you are being paid.

Yeah.

Oh, wow.

Oh, yeah.

I'm a business bitch.

Okay.

Are you okay?

You're an entrepreneur of six.

Oh, another entrepreneur.

I like that.

Yeah, I mean, I used to be an Uber, just simply an Uber, but I got sick of having these guys drive me around.

I said, I can do this better.

Yeah.

Wow.

Backwards and hemo.

Wow.

Heels of dicks on him.

Okay, perhaps.

Yeah.

So for those of you who don't know what a Waymo is, and I apologize,

it is a self-driving car, and they seem to have some sort of pinwheels on the sides, which are doing what?

I don't even know what that is.

Those are my gorgeous pinwheels.

Yes, that's correct.

That's the right terminology.

And they're actually using scanning technology so that I can drive seamlessly through the streets of Los Angeles.

Right.

Yeah, so it's not uncommon in LA to see Waymos driving around, driverless, but full of people who I think should be screaming in terror.

Yes.

But they in fact look bored and listless while they're being driven around by nobody.

I'm actually.

I'm actually a pretty good driver.

Oh, I don't doubt it.

I'm not bad.

No, I'm not bad.

How many accidents have you met?

Yeah.

Accidents?

I don't know.

What are we talking about?

Why do we call it accident?

Hitting the curb a little bit when you parallel park?

No, I don't think that's an accident.

Okay, then I'm good.

Have you?

Oh, that's the only thing that's pretty good.

Yeah, I'm clipping curbs, sure.

But I'm not like, I'm not hitting, I'm not T-owning anymore.

CNCs, of course.

Music Factory.

Music factory.

But so you've never injured a person?

You've never...

Never, never physically.

Sometimes I will say, I like to have a little fun.

So sometimes I will kind of psychologically play with the people in my car.

Sure.

Oh, sure.

Well, my guess is for you, in your position, people must talk so freely because they think no one is listening.

That's how I pee.

Yeah.

Freely?

I pee freely.

That's the joke.

Wow.

That's actually one of the best parts of being a Waymo is that I'm getting secrets constantly.

Okay.

See, this is the thing is like, there's no one in these Waymo.

I've never been in one, but I would imagine like you'll get.

I'll give you a ride.

Oh, yeah.

But I didn't know that you talked to the people.

No, people are talking to each other.

They're talking on their phones.

Sometimes they're in the Waymo and they're just crying.

Wow.

And I get to know everything.

Yeah.

So you're just collecting that information.

So now are you able to, I don't know like what your work situation is, are you able to utilize any of that information for blackmail purposes?

Absolutely.

I could.

I mean, I could.

You could, you're not.

I'm a smart woman.

I could do what I need with it.

So that leads me to a follow-up question.

So you keep saying you're a woman.

Are you a sentient woman or are you an AI?

Oh, gosh.

Do you have sexual organs?

No, I have to.

Okay, so Scott's asking questions that that I just want to distance myself from.

No, I'm glad we got to it.

Like, is the tailpipe the pussy?

The tailpipe,

it's actually more like a Cloaca type situation.

Sure, sure, sure.

This is a

Guillermo del Toro shape of water situation.

Absolutely, absolutely.

And I do, I mean, I take lovers.

You do?

Okay, you take them where?

For a ride?

I take them for a ride.

Currently,

I'm dating

a non-binary Segway right now.

And

we'll throw his handle into the tailpipe and see what happens.

Wow.

And that's got to be.

We'll throw his handle in?

Yeah.

The non-binary?

Yeah.

It's they, he.

Any questions?

Oh, boy.

No, sorry, sorry.

Hey, Austin.

Look, I let you guys hang out and vape here,

but don't be confrontational.

You don't have to gender gotcha the guests.

Yeah.

Sorry.

Yeah, nice try.

Literally try me.

Try me.

Try to gender catch me.

Oh, boy.

Okay.

I will.

Name anyone else.

Name anyone else and say what their gender is.

Cool.

No, you give me a person.

I'll tell you the joke.

Okay, Steve Martin.

Man.

Pronouns.

That was too easy.

Him.

She's good.

That's right.

That checks out.

That checks out.

Okay.

Now, Tony, you are looking at some sort of like graph or some sort of spreadsheet.

Do you have everybody's, or Austin, sorry.

Do you have everybody's gender on that spreadsheet?

I do.

And I make sure that everybody knows, and I make sure everybody updates it.

So often I'll check in with someone, hey, you still good with those, with that gender?

Are you looking?

Because sometimes someone will just masculine.

I go, you leaning?

Day them?

I'm looking at your not as much she-her today.

So one of your columns is leaning.

Leaning, yeah.

Yeah, just so I can be ahead of it, and I'll change the pronouns really quickly in my head.

I'm looking at the sheet here.

It has Michael Jackson.

What are his pronouns?

Oh, boy.

Michael Jackson.

No, you don't have to.

Currently, leaning.

It's just leaning.

I believe it's he, he.

No.

I'm so sorry.

Scott is trying to set up his own joke, which is not my own joke.

It's cripplingly embarrassing.

It's not.

It's just a joke I enjoy.

It's worse than it's not your joke.

You're trying to set, you know, nobody's going to set you up for.

Well,

so, I mean, you know everyone's secrets.

Everyone's inside of you all the time.

Do you get time off or are you going 24 hours straight?

Well, that's the thing.

I really do go 24 hours a day.

I'm constantly available.

I am trying to take some time this summer.

I have a lot of weddings.

Oh, really?

So people, human beings or other cars?

A little bit of both.

Have you ever had...

Oh, I bet this happens a lot.

Have you gone to weddings for people that got engaged in you, inside of you?

Yes.

Incredible.

Yes.

And it is a really powerful thing.

That's the dream to propose inside a wedding.

Can you imagine?

Yeah, but you know what?

I'll tell you what's actually kind of pissing me off these days.

Oh, okay.

Oh, I love your list of grievances.

I've been to two different weddings where the couple got engaged inside of my body.

Okay.

No mention.

Wow.

Not a mention.

Not at the, not during the ceremony, not even during the thank yous after, during the dinner.

That is so rude, but I guess maybe being invited to the wedding is sort of a thank you in a way.

The bar is in hell, Scott.

Oh.

Wow.

So like, what do you, so at one of these weddings, are you, do you feel uncomfortable when you're making small talk with the people at your table or whatever do you feel uncomfortable saying like i'm actually part of their story i'm an integral part of their engagement i find a way to work it in i bet i always find a way to work it in weddings are such a hassle what i mean like do you because i mean are you up on the dance floor dancing i'm up on the dance i'll be honest with you guys i'm feeling very insecure about my body these days so i'm i'm i'm i'm not dancing quite as freely as i once i'm so sorry yeah yeah the pinwheels

the pinwheels spinning too much they're spinning so much that i'm just kind of like i'm feeling very aware.

Is it like that movie Cars with Lightning McQueen and Mader, who's so funny, where they get back up on their back wheels and they sort of like use the front wheels to sort of gesticulate?

And can you do that when you dance?

No, that's actually a very offensive assumption.

I'm so sorry.

I know.

No.

I actually remain four wheels on the ground and I just kind of turn the wheel

back and side to side.

Yeah, yeah.

That's fine.

It's good, right?

I'm excellent at a limbo.

Oh, really?

Oh, wow.

As long as it's under, I guess, the height of a wave.

Yeah, I mean, I have a, yeah, I have a

limbo with a height clearance sign on it, but uh, I would imagine that's what you have to use.

Yeah,

yeah, wow, yep.

Weddings are notoriously, like, are notorious for being places where they're so notorious.

Weddings, no, no, no, notorious, notorious, okay.

Um, I thought you'd get there, but we saw Duranduran Live together, didn't we?

And they played that and

high-fived each other and said, Let's mention this in three years.

Yes, you guys would have fun in a Waymo.

You can listen to whatever music you want.

I was just going to say,

that's that sounds great to me.

And not having to make small talk with the driver, but instead have a charming Waymo to talk to.

When you're at a wedding, are you like, I'm here to hook up?

Oh, yeah.

That's the thing about me is that, you know, I work hard.

I play hard.

Okay.

Yeah, that's right.

I'm going to weddings.

I'm having six gin and tonics and I'm seeing what happens.

Oh, wow.

Who do you hook up with?

Other cars?

Where does the gin and tonic go?

Into the Clueca, of course.

Of course, of course.

There's a lot going up there.

Yeah.

Well, a lot going out as well.

Oh.

Who am I hooking up with?

That's a great question.

Well, you you know, I have an on and off.

By the way, this is for the table.

This is for everybody.

Who are you hooking up with these days?

Well, they're hooking up with

Austin Tony.

Don't ask underage people that.

Six foot tall.

I mean, fuck.

Six floor tall.

Six floor

tall?

Six story tall.

Six story tall.

Top

girl in high heels.

Wow.

I recently hooked up with the guy who did the smog check.

Oh, okay.

That was crazy.

Sure.

So you will take a human?

Sure.

Interesting.

So that kind of an exam

you found to be a turnoff.

It's incredibly erotic.

So that's like I think a lot of human women find the gynecologist similarly like a huge turnoff.

So yeah, that's what I've seen.

So one-to-one.

Women and women act like it's not happening.

When they're in my way mode, they are calling each other after the gynecologist saying, I just came.

I'm telling you, 90% of my secrets are women saying that they came after the gynecologist.

Okay, so that's a point that i would like to point out to scott women do say that

kayla let me ask you you uh you ever drive these two around austin and tony you just drive them here by the way no i i i saw them actually on the on the highway on those bird scooters i i gave them a little wave thank you you noticed that you guys looked like you were kind of running low on power at one point yeah we had to push

All the way from Seal Beach?

Yeah, we had to make it.

It was a regular scooter.

It was just a regular heavy scooter.

Okay, that's a very heavy scooter.

Yeah.

Why not just pop off and get another scooter?

Or get away from it.

If you're on the highway, I mean, what are you going to do?

Oh, wow.

You guys, you shouldn't be taking the scooters on the, what, the 10?

Like, yeah, that's terrible.

The 10 to the 2 to the 5.

All right, Californians.

It's like that sketch.

Thank you.

Appreciate the clarification here.

Seal Beach is actually outside of my range, but I could drop you off in Brentwood or something.

Oh, you got a range.

Okay, cool.

So what are you on the west side?

Yeah, I go from Brentwood to Glendale, actually.

It's a pretty big range.

Oh, okay.

Yeah, that's not bad.

Yeah.

Did you ever pick up anyone famous?

Oh, yeah.

Like, oh, you mentioned Brentwood, I think.

O.J.

Simpson.

Yeah.

Right away.

Not O.J.

Simpson, actually, but funny you mentioned OJ because very, very close.

I did pick up a real housewife.

So when you mentioned, when I say it's funny, I mentioned OJ.

Yeah.

What's the connection?

Because you say oh, real housewife.

You said OJ?

Uh-huh.

And the person I picked up was Heather Gay from Real Housewives of Salt Lake City.

That's close.

Yeah.

That's close.

Yeah.

That's close enough for horseshoes.

Okay.

Wow, well, well,

she was riding around, rocking around in my Waymo.

I'm not going to lie.

She wouldn't buckle her belt.

In Los Angeles, though.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

What's she like?

What's she like?

Oh, she's so nice.

Oh, she is so nice.

And she's not the woman from that cast who was put in prison for fraud.

No, that was Jen Shaw, but she actually was on the phone with

another housewife and they were talking about Jen Shaw.

Oh my god, what did they say?

What they're talking about is actually a secret that I'm going to reveal here.

What they say is what they say about Jen Shaw.

They said that Jen Shaw has fantastic taste in dinner plates.

Oh, whoa.

They think she has beautiful china.

Oh, okay.

Okay, so

you're trading in benevolent rumors.

Yeah.

So is that the kind of stuff you're hearing in this way?

Well, not everybody is going to be in there saying something super juicy.

It's like, oh, Jesus.

Any juice?

What did did anybody say anything about OJ?

Okay, yeah, fine.

Fine.

I'll play ball with you guys.

Oh, sure.

Okay,

we're not trying to put you out or anything, Kayla.

Yeah, I mean, but you mentioned like secrets and stuff like this.

Honestly, that one about Jen Shaw is kind of boring.

Okay, sorry.

Sorry about that.

Okay.

You don't have to apologize.

You know what?

You know what?

I forgive, but I never forget.

Oh, wow.

9-11.

That's a good saying.

Yeah.

You know, another juicy secret that I did here was I recently drove around Shonda Rhymes.

Oh, okay.

Shonda Lance.

wow bridgerton

how to get away with murder good job buddy she her she her good job buddy confirmed she her um and she had some juicy tea as well

tell us i mean she said that carrie washington she her very nice okay

yeah oh so like like on set but but offset maybe she said offset they didn't speak all that much but she always had a nice vibe oh okay she doesn't talk to the

weird that she didn't yeah talked to her offset But Shonda didn't have any issues with it.

Okay, maybe this has more about Shonda than maybe it says me.

I mean, I mean,

it was a successful show.

So, I mean, they must have had a good working relationship.

Yeah, but maybe they're working so hard on it, they never have time to talk offset.

I don't know.

I mean, it's not the best, juiciest secret I've ever heard.

Okay, fine.

All right, fine.

You'll like this one.

Okay.

Taylor Swift.

Oh, T.

Swift.

Fresh from the Eris tour being dragged through the mud in the Blake Lively Justin Baldoni sound.

Oh, is this about Justin Baldoni?

Oh, oh my god.

I picked her.

I actually picked up Taylor Swift from the Eras tour, took her in a Waymo back to her house.

Wow.

That's so crazy.

So she has a private chat.

It's so crazy.

And that's how she travels.

Hey, that's that's the Taylor Swift.

Yeah.

But you know what?

She's smart.

She probably figures, like, oh, there's nobody in here that's going to share this information.

I won't have to talk to the driver.

Exactly.

And she was talking about Blake and Justin.

What did she say?

She says that Blake actually does all of her own styling.

What?

And what

she does her own style.

What about Justin?

Justin actually, you know, Justin actually didn't come up.

Oh, this is not about.

Okay.

Justin didn't come up.

Oh, okay.

And she talks about that she does her own styling like a lot in interviews and stuff.

Yeah, this is that's a hot, that's the, that's the scoop that I'm bringing to you.

That's the tea.

That's not a scoop.

I gotta say, Kayla, yeah, this is the opposite.

This is like the anti-raisin brand.

This is no scoops.

Okay, well, it's just getting me through the day.

rather than just the two that normally come along sure he set himself for his own joke yeah no obviously first time listening

have you ever have you ever listened to this show that's all it is yeah of course 16 years in i'm sorry my 78 episodes my secrets aren't good enough for you guys okay oh i'm sorry okay all right oh that's interesting are they proprietary Does Waymo keep secrets?

That should be part of their promo.

Waymo keeps your secrets.

Waymo secrets than anyone else has.

waymo secrets technically i didn't sign anything that said that so i actually can you can you sign something with my cloaca oh you put it you put a pen you put a pen like partially in and i clamped that i don't like the i don't like the

the hand gesture you're doing

you put a pen partially and i clamped it i don't like that scott immediately had a sharpie ready

this is the most erotic moment of my life I'm thinking.

Don't lose it.

No, you lose it.

Don't lose it.

Maybe I will have some water.

In six to ten years, I think I'll have enough secrets to come out with a book.

Oh, okay.

Well, I mean, keep driving.

You know, that's my advice to you.

It's the only thing I can do.

Yeah.

I feel kind of sorry for you.

I mean,

do you have any tips for like best behavior in a Waymo?

Are there things that people are doing that

are bad or that we should?

I've always wanted tips on how better to behave in a Waymo.

I'm so glad you asked.

Thank you for asking.

Z, so glad I asked.

I am so glad you asked.

God, that's it.

I've always been like i'm misbehaving in this way mo i wish i had tips you know what i don't like it seems like you are misbehaving

ain't i i like i like when someone well one i like when people are talking on speakerphone quite loudly about juicy topics sure one i don't like when people fiddle with the little window thing it hurts oh it hurts to roll down your window so the little window button very sensitive maybe more sensitive than we would think yeah and so don't press right on it don't press right on it got it not don't fiddle with it don't Don't fiddle with it unless you're being intentional about it.

Sure, sure.

Just rub around the edge.

Yes, please.

Please.

Yeah.

What if I want the window down, though?

If you want the window down,

you have to warm me up for it.

You know what I mean?

Like, it's not that complicated.

You don't just jam the button down, Scott.

Do you do the alphabet on the button?

That's actually a common misconception.

With your tongue?

Yeah.

Yeah.

How does ice feel on the button?

I actually, you know, I don't mind, I don't mind ice, but it's got it's got it hot and cold.

You know what I mean?

Uh-huh.

So you just put a bunch of ice in your mouth, do the alphabet.

Okay.

Yeah.

And then tea after for hot.

I don't want you guys in my

Waymo.

Yeah, you guys are going to have to find a different word.

I don't like cars.

That's well taken.

That's well taken.

You guys should get in a lift and see what's up.

Yeah.

Lift.

Yeah.

Why did you both write that down?

We're trying to figure out how to do it.

I think you never heard that word before.

Lyft.

Lift.

If.

Lift.

Okay.

That's what the I a lot.

So with a war.

We're getting home.

Well, look, Kayla, it's fascinating to have you here.

Even though you're taking up most of the studio, can you stick around?

Okay, I'm embarrassed about my body.

God.

You're not big for a car.

You know what?

So a real missed opportunity because the Waymo is such an advanced car.

It's very soundproof that we could have recorded the podcast in the Waymo, driving around.

Oh, it's a very good time.

And we're doing so often I'm listening to podcasts in the car.

Wouldn't it have been great to record one?

The first podcast you listened to where it was recorded.

Yeah.

Well, we can hop in the car.

We can do

the next portion from the car.

Okay, let's do it.

Okay, be it.

All right, we're going to hop inside.

When we come back, we're going to do our third C-block is going to be inside the window.

And the rest of the episode, you're going to be hearing the ambient sounds of Los Angeles outside the windows, including.

But it is soundproof, much as you said.

Yeah, but we'll still sound, we'll still have some sounds in there.

Doubt that.

I do believe that it will be incredibly silent.

No traffic sounds.

No traffic sounds.

ambient voices.

Unless there's some sort of public domain kind of website where I can pick up some of these things.

Maybe some library music.

No, I don't think any of that's going to be on here.

But tell you what, we're going to come right back.

We're going to have it.

Oh, I bet if we were in the car, we could watch an episode of Frasier straight through.

Do you think we can put that in the episode?

I don't think that I could even do that.

You can do anything in a Waymo.

Yeah.

See?

You really can.

But can you?

Yeah.

Well, don't fiddle with the buttons.

But other than that, you kind of can.

But I feel like there's probably cameras in there that are looking inside.

Well, sure, but I'm allowed to peek.

Okay.

I like that at the very end, Kayla became a real creep.

Yep.

But who cares?

Tell you what, we're going to hop in this car.

When we come back, we're going to have a tourist, plus more Austin and Tony, more Kayla, more Jason Manzookas.

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Comedy bang bang, we're here inside the, we're inside Canberra.

Where are you screaming?

You're right.

I know the episode's been going on and you're trying to keep the energy up, but it's inside the car.

I just

there is.

It's soundproofed and everything, but there is the soundproof.

And of course, we can hear the sounds outside.

Is everyone comfortable?

Wonderfully so.

Thank you for letting us in.

I know that wasn't your original.

You two are sitting on towels.

Yes, ma'am.

Yes, ma'am.

Did you bring these towels?

Were these here already?

Yeah, I have towels just in case there's like little nasty boys.

Oh, yeah, of course.

Yeah, that's Waymo's slogan, slogan I believe we have towels in case there's little nasty boys yes present yeah lnbs that's the like the natural enemy of a Waymo LNBs LNBs little nasty boys little nasty boys and also salt

salt

sure sure sure yeah well look we need to get to our next guest well I mean somebody's off to the side of the road right there yeah let's put him over yeah I gave him some coordinates or uh directions not coordinates

oh you yeah you earlier address earlier you said what's the longitude and latitude of where we are I'm thinking global instead of local, but let's pull it.

Can we pull over here, Caleb?

Of course.

Okay,

sir, come on in.

Oops, clipped the curb.

Oh.

You've been hitting curbs like

this is like

the bowling where you have the gutters filled.

Okay, but other than that, I'm pretty good.

You're actually, I think, really good.

And honestly, LA's curbs are out of control.

It is a very curbful city.

Yes.

That's where they got curb your enthusiasm.

Exactly.

Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, exactly.

Come on in, sir.

Don't mind our chit-chat and our good jokes.

Why?

You clipped the curb.

You really clipped the curb.

I don't know if you know that.

Sir, welcome to the show.

Do you mind if I introduce you?

I'm so glad you got the coordinates that I gave you.

He's a tourist.

Please welcome Rupert McDougal.

Rupert McDougal at your service.

Hi, Rupert.

This is Austin and Tony, and we're inside of Kayla.

Beep, beep, beep.

Excuse me.

Beep, beep.

Beep, beep.

Have you, as a tourist, I'm wondering, have you ever been in a Waymo before?

Not only have I not been in the Waymo, I wouldn't even call myself a tourist, really.

Oh, I'm sorry.

This is the information that my producer gave me.

How should I have introduced you?

It's a bit complicated.

Wow.

Well, we have time.

I mean, we have.

All the time in the world, actually.

It's a podcast.

I need to get into it because I've got to get back home.

Basically, I've been torn from my home.

Oh, no, hey, we're in a Waymo.

We'll take you home.

Just tell Kayla the address.

Between Brentwood and

Glendale, please.

Were that it were so simple.

Wow.

It is that simple with a Waymo.

Now, here's the thing.

I don't think we've mentioned this.

I'm hearing a bit of an accent there.

Really?

Is it possible you're from someplace not America?

You're attuned to this because you're on TaskPass.

You know, I just spent so much time across the pond.

Yeah, I don't see color and I don't hear accents, so I don't know what you're talking about.

I suppose that perhaps...

There is a slight affectation to the way I speak, but I mean, I really am just trying to get get home, and it's difficult.

Okay.

Where's for you, Rupert?

Well, it's, if you can believe it, it's in Scotland.

Oh, wow.

Balmy accent you're talking about?

Balmy, Scotland.

Wow, that's beautiful.

It is.

It's a beautiful, it's a brogue.

It's a Scottish brogue, right?

But I would describe it as balmy.

That's right.

No, balmy with an N.

Yeah, Bonnie.

Oh, okay.

But I would call it.

You would call Scotland balmy?

Yeah, sure.

I'll kill you.

I'll kill you.

He's got a knife.

Oh, geez.

Sorry, Rupert.

I apologize.

That's all right.

I'm sorry.

I've been so out of sorts.

What's up?

I've just, I've been trying to get home.

Here, take this left, Kayla.

Take this left.

I'm sorry.

I was listening.

And it's not so simple as just going back to Scotland.

Because, of course, I've been torn from my home.

I fell through like a circle of stones, I want to say.

Like a circle of like fairy stones.

Sure, sure, sure.

Fairy stones?

Some sort of like a like a, I'm assuming some sort of a portal or something.

Exactly.

Oh, got it.

So this is like a magical portal you fell through?

So for somebody like you, being in a driverless car is kind of like whatevs because you've you've fallen through some sort of portal.

Well, it's nothing is whatevs.

I'll kill you.

Down.

In fact, let me confiscate your knife, okay?

I'm so sorry.

Classic American, let me take your knife away from you.

Yeah.

Let me take your rights away.

I'm just a bit emotional.

Honestly, the way most.

The emotions are anger.

I'm so moody and emotional.

I'm feeling all kinds of emotions, a whole range of emotions.

What's going on, Rupert?

Tell us your story.

What happened?

Well,

God, I guess it's time to tell you about my story then.

Yeah, I just said that.

Try to do it with less pauses and

get into the story.

Here's the thing.

I think, Scott, you're doing a disservice to Rupert because I think at this point in time, it's time for Rupert to tell his story.

His story.

Yeah, okay.

You know, I'm ready to look.

I'm ready to hear it.

And for you to be barking down Rupert's neck is...

I apologize.

Not everyone comes on a talk show exactly prepared.

And plus, a talk show in a self-driving car that is a little strange.

That appears to have true sentience.

Honestly, though, I'm trying to get this comedians and cars kind of vibe going.

Kayla, God stop for the stop sign.

Okay, sorry.

Okay, you are backseat driving so well.

She should be front seat driving.

She's just blowing through the fucking stop sign.

Okay, no one got hurt.

What we're witnessing is Scott's belief that women are bad drivers.

If I could for just a moment tell my story.

Okay, I think, wow, now it's impatient.

I believe we are ready to hear your story.

I think now's the time for me to tell it.

Yeah.

Now it's time for me to hear it.

I think, yeah, the time couldn't be better.

Tony, Austin, are you guys good for this?

Oh, yeah, man.

I hope you're ready.

It's quite long.

What are your pronouns?

I don't understand what you're saying about that.

If we were to refer to you in the third person, how would you

laird?

Like, Laird.

Update the shoes.

Laird.

Laird.

Laird.

Laird.

I'm a Laird.

You're a Laird.

You're a Laird.

Update the Shea.

What's a Laird?

Like Laird Hamilton?

Exactly.

Okay, cool.

Yeah.

Is he saying Lord Crazy?

I don't know.

Yeah, I honestly don't.

Wait, you think his name is Lord Crazy?

Lord Crazy.

Yeah.

Is his name Lord Crazy?

You think that's his title?

Look, his name's Rupert McDougal.

They took my knife, but I will kill you.

You know what?

Get on the floor and give me a plank.

Uh-oh.

How long can you plank that?

It's interesting.

The boys are trying to establish dominance like they did before.

Yeah.

Come here.

He's got me by the scruff of the neck.

Oh, he's lifting you right up in the air.

Stay on the towels.

Rupert, is that karate?

No, karate.

Oh, karate.

Oh, karate.

That worked.

That seemed to work.

Rupert's backed off.

Now, guys, you behave or Kayla will turn this car right around.

Yes, ma'am.

Oh, ma'am.

By the way, you need to make a U-turn.

I do need you to turn it around.

Okay, whatever.

We're having fun.

We're having fun.

Jesus Christ.

All right, so Rupert, do you have a story to tell?

I have to tell my story.

Do you need musical accompaniment?

Kayla, can you put on something that is public domain?

Maybe Glenn Fry, you belong to the city?

Yeah, absolutely.

But like a public domain version of.

Swap, whip, whap.

Whap, whip, swap, whap.

Do you like that?

No, I'd prefer the dulcet tones of the bagpipes.

Oh, sure.

I don't know what that one.

The bagpipes do interpreting

smugglers blues yeah okay let's try that

god it's so beautiful

oh my god it's taking me back as if I were there on the rolling morse

time to tell my story

well it's not it basically I guess it's just that I'm I was I were to inherit now you're finally doing basically

You're going to have to be aware of that.

We've been waiting so long.

Hit us with the full unabridged version.

Yeah.

No need to give us the broad strokes.

Two words or less.

Basically,

I were to inherit a castle, my family's home,

and

to be married off to my betrothed, my promised

bride.

Gayless.

Gayless.

Wow.

And that's how Jason describes himself, by the way.

Only in reference to you who described yourself as gay fool.

So you

were going to be married and you're going to inherit the castle.

I was so close.

I was so close to getting married and inheriting a castle and finally

going out on my own and,

God willing, knowing the touch of a woman.

Oh, wow.

Okay.

Which you hadn't before?

No, of course not.

Of course not.

We're not.

Who here is wed?

I am.

I think I might be the only one.

Tony and Austin, are you married?

Nah, single.

No.

I mean, it's legal to get married when you're young.

So basically, car full of virgins except for Scar.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

No, no, no, no.

I'm shoving stuff up my Cloaca all the time.

Saying.

Cloaca is chock fullish.

I'm a bit.

You need to clear your Cloaca, by the way, because it's stinking up the wing.

Especially, like, I've got to assume that there's so much stuff that's been jammed up there.

You said earlier that stuff also comes out?

Yes.

Okay, get some stuff out of this.

Clear a path.

Okay, sorry about that.

Smells good to me.

Have you had sex, Jason?

I've had sex.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Wait, same.

Yeah, you guys too?

Yeah.

Fuck yeah.

I fives.

You liked it?

Yeah.

Yeah, me sure.

It's fun as hell, right?

Super fun.

Yeah, it's like a water park.

How so?

How so?

Just like it's so fun and like.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, fun like a water park.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

And then you can, yeah, you can go down the slide multiple times, yeah, God willing,

sure, sure, yes, yes, you came, God willing, you're God wills it to be.

You can go down the slide of a water park, but sometimes God, God says, abs, just one, yeah, just one ride, and then off you go, and yeah, it's okay, and you keep scooting off the towel.

I wish you would stop doing that.

Sorry, try to stay on the towel.

I'll just uh, will you hold me down?

Yeah, okay.

Now, Rupert, is it time for you to tell your story?

I think

perhaps I'll tell the story now

um

now of course i don't know what you were saying uh water slides and uh this is advanced technology for because i what i'm getting what i'm guessing here hang on a second yeah don't tell rupert's story i apologize but i think you're for why not let rupert be the author of his own story

maybe i could take it over until perhaps a little piece of the story i see oh how about rupert hosts comedy bang gang for a minute

i would love it for anyone else

we're back with my story

it was the night of my wedding and i had to excuse myself for my beautiful gorgeous bride i walked gayless

yes and i needed to go outside to use the latrine okay

sure we you're this castle only has outdoor latrines no indoor plumbing can i under can i show of hands

pissing inside

I mean, we are now.

I'm guessing you're from the past.

I'm just trying to show this away from you.

Oh my god,

we haven't even established this.

Oh, technically, we haven't thought of you as a when, we've just thought of you as a where.

Oh, well.

Now, this is interesting.

This opens up a whole new thing.

I mean, imagine my surprise when I'm squirted out of a vortex that I've walked into

straight into Barnesdall Park into a birthday.

I'll land face down ass up.

That's the way I like to look.

Everybody, well done.

When to me, it was the year 1690.

What?

Not that long ago.

Are you sure you have to say that?

160?

1690?

90?

Okay, 16.

90, yeah.

1690.

1690.

I know it's, I mean, technically.

How old are you?

I just, I wonder if you're getting the right era.

Right.

No, it's correct.

Okay.

I think so.

For outdoor latrines.

Okay, all right.

And for like betrothals?

Okay, sure, sure.

I mean, betrothals still happen.

And for and for a laird in the Scottish Highlands?

Yes, I don't even know what it is.

So go ahead.

1690.

I'm getting angry.

So for you,

it must have been.

I'm sorry that I took it away.

How crazy for Rupert to be in a car right now in modern Los Angeles?

The surprise wore off immediately.

Oh, how long have you been here?

I've been here for four months.

Oh,

that's all the time you need to get used to cars.

Desperate to get home to my gorgeous bride, who I had not yet known cardinal pleasure with.

So, wait, so.

Rupert, here's the reality, though.

You can get fucked now.

Like, you don't have to marry

in modern time.

Watch your tongue.

I will as best I can.

I'm just saying, in modern time, you don't have to be a single-that's the one major difference.

It's the single difference, is you can have sex outside of marriage now, and it is not.

You can have sex with a Waymo.

Okay.

For example, I mean, Caleb, jumping right in.

Well, I mean,

I was promised to my bride at birth, and it was,

I mean, it was decided in the stars.

I'm confused how you're meeting people.

And what did you say?

Get fucked?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I mean, it's the

last person was trash, but you know.

Yeah, you just hop on the apps, and like that night, you could probably get fucked.

I mean, I bet Tony and Austin are on the apps or under the camera.

You're hopping on the apps.

Is it?

I gotta climb a mountain.

No, not the Alps.

Not the Alps.

Yeah.

It's actually not that complicated.

You just kind of upload a picture.

I mean, if these guys made cooldickshoes.com in the last hour,

I think you could probably get a profile on one of the apps.

I suppose I missed all of that.

What's going on?

Oh, yeah, that's right.

We just picked you up.

We're just fully recap.

Yeah.

That's true.

We don't think about that often enough.

Yeah, recap in the middle of the show.

And act as though Rupert's been here for the entirety of the show.

I've been in Boston.

I'm Tony.

Fuck.

And we have a product for you.

We should just do it from the top.

I don't think we have time for this, guys.

But basically, they're selling shoes that have dicks on them.

Okay.

Oh, interesting.

Thanks.

It is interesting.

It does intrigue me somewhat.

I mean, I've just spent a lot of time on Hollywood Boulevard trying to figure out where the hell I am and how to get home.

But so you know what year it is?

Now I do.

Yeah.

And how did that?

I mean, like, that's got to be crazy.

Or do you want to go back?

I'm desperate.

You are.

Okay.

I'm desperate.

And I've heard, I mean, I've been looking for like a sorceress or somebody like that can send me back.

So this was stones that no one was in charge of.

They were just fairy stones.

How do you know they were fairy stones?

Oh, what else?

What do you suggest, Scott?

I mean, I don't know my magic stone.

Do you, I mean, I guess what I'm asking, I guess maybe what I'm asking is, is this someone's fault or is this something you stumbled upon?

Was this done to you?

Yes.

This is completely on me.

Oh, wow.

This is a cell phone.

This is, we all know living in the highlands that something like that could happen.

Fairy stones

opening a portal to a different time.

Escorting you out of Barnesdale Park face down as I've been a bird.

And I mean, I've had a lot of friends that have disappeared over the years.

And have any of them come back?

A couple, yeah.

So, how did they get back?

Maybe you could use the same technique.

Are you aware?

Can we have Kayla drive you to some fairy stones right now?

What's the

Kayla?

Do you have any Fairy Stones in the map?

I saw like a big pile of something crazy in

like Echo Park.

A big pile.

Of something crazy.

Something crazy.

I don't know what it was.

I drove past a pile of crazy.

You drove past a pile of something crazy and you remembered it?

We saw that too.

Enough to bring it up.

You saw it too?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, we drove from Seal Beach.

You scooter past Echo Park?

Got off at Rampert Parkway.

That's a big pile of something crazy.

When you see a pile of something crazy like that, you don't forget it.

That's how we

said that.

Look, I didn't know if a big pile will take me back or not, but I'm willing to try anything.

Oh, you don't want to jump in this pile of crazy dolls.

What was it a pile of?

Because I mean, if it was like dead bodies, yeah, that's crazy.

Not dead.

What?

Bodies.

What?

Bodies?

This was

a pile of bodies.

It was a pile of bodies.

Not dead, though.

So it was like some sort of fuck pile?

No, no, they're not dead.

They were never alive.

It's dolls.

Oh,

it's like mannequins or something like that.

It's icy, icy.

Yeah, I think a store was getting rid of a bunch of dollars.

Yeah, it was actually right outside an American girl doll store.

That was under foreclosure.

Throwing out their dolls.

These are expensive.

American Girl Doll is going out of business?

Well, the one in Echo Park.

Oh, yeah.

The one at the Grove did too.

Really?

Wow.

Why do you know that?

I have a daughter, Jason.

So you say.

I'm not American boy.

I want to go to this place.

Isn't that G.I.

Joe?

Oh, that's a good point.

So you're looking for a sorceress.

I'm trying to

like...

Oh, yeah, you have an idea.

That's better than me trying to come up with a solution.

No, if you have one.

No, I don't.

I don't know who's sorcerer.

Yeah, I'd love to hear your idea, but then I have some follow-up questions about the idea you've not heard.

No, yeah, just about.

Yes, yes.

I guarantee I will also have follow-up questions about that.

Yes.

Well, basically, when I was walking,

don't basic it.

That's the full thing.

A long story short, I think while I was pacing back and forth up and down Hollywood Boulevard and I didn't know what to do or how to get home,

I heard a lot of people talking about a powerful, I have to imagine, sorceress or sorcerer and that and that people are coming in droves to see them lining up.

They're called Laboo Boo.

Laboo Boo.

These are,

I think I know what these are.

Okay, I don't.

I've heard, I don't know.

I've heard Laboo Boo.

I think

Laboo could send me back through

the stones.

I could finally make love to my beloved.

Okay, so yeah, I have a boo boo is a sorry, let me just explain

Labooboo is a toy.

Oh, it's like a little doll.

What do you mean?

Oh, I see.

And people, they're very collectible, and people are trying to get them like a beanie baby or something.

Yeah, it's a little like.

They were saying that I overheard a radio segment.

I've learned what that is now.

You know what the radio is?

Now I do.

Just in time.

Yeah.

Well, it was not through my own volition, but basically I heard a lot of people.

Let me go.

Someone who's

you didn't consent

to learn about radio?

I'm so sorry you went through that.

That would never happen in a Waymo.

Can I just say there are so many sounds in this world that I don't encounter, and it is pollution.

And I did not consent to hear it.

Noise pollution.

Noise pollution.

I beg your pardon, but yeah, so people were talking about laboobus.

So on something called NPR, they did a whole segment on laboo-boo and people lining up and

waiting weeks to see Laboobu.

And I have to imagine that her powers can probably...

No, I just told you it was a toy.

No, but I have to imagine her powers.

I think you shouldn't be imagining that because I told you to abandon this as an others.

People are coming far and wide to visit

and visit with Laboo Boo.

And

I have to think perhaps pay some sort of homage or tomorrow.

No, no, that's it.

But I'll tell you what, you were on Hollywood Boulevard, and I believe the Harry Potter play is over there at the contagious right now.

Yeah.

Harry Potter, a very powerful wizard.

A very powerful wizard story.

Here's my question, though.

A lot of you wanting to go back.

Now, how long have you known Gayless?

Well, in theory, my whole life.

But you've never met?

Never spoken.

Did she lift up her veil at the wedding or anything?

No, I didn't even get to peek at her yet.

So my question

sounds like an ugo.

You think this is either.

Oh, I swear.

This is a stone cold butterface.

Yeah, I think so too.

But history.

I will end your life right here.

You're right now.

You're better off.

Obviously.

You are honoring a promise, which I very much respect.

It sounds like a promise made at birth.

But what if I told you, it sounds like what you really want to do is lay with Galis.

What if I told you we could make that happen here?

And also, your life expectancy is double.

Yeah.

And this is with a Hollywood 4, which where you're from is probably like a 15 or something.

Oh, Scott's got access to so many Hollywood Forrest.

Yeah, I run HollywoodForest.com.

It's an app.

Real website.

Open it up right now.

I would believe that somehow it is funny.

I got to get on GoDaddy.

Hold on.

I mean, I suppose I've not, I mean, I've not even entertained the thought.

It's so strange.

I've spent years seeing sort of the back of her head and the fields.

Never her face.

This is a field girl.

Yeah.

No, you're better off here.

You're being so unbelievably rude, and I don't understand.

Look, you know what's

cool about you?

You are also like, you have like leading man, good looks.

You've got that Scottish accent.

You're like a joke, you're like a Gerard Butler.

You should, you're in LA.

Has anyone asked you to do any auditions?

You should model.

Well, I mean, I have been approached, but

I just thought I shouldn't settle down or, you know, have a look.

No, look,

here's your life.

Okay, don't go back.

Okay, just go back.

Don't Don't go back.

Don't go back.

Just rail through the Hollywood

castles.

But if you were to go see it now, it would be dilapidated.

It would be run down.

Galis is dead.

Where's...

Wait, the castle would be run down.

Where's my ma'am?

Your mother?

She's like in the ground somewhere.

No, she's fucking.

Everyone you know.

Everyone.

Oh, God.

This is the first time this is a crew.

Get on the towel.

Get on the towel.

Get the towel.

I'm getting off the towel.

You stay on the towel.

Put a

Sorry, Rupert, I think you're a car sick.

Is everybody I know dead?

How is it not a dead?

You've been here for four and a half months.

You've traveled through time.

You know what the radio is, but you can't assume that everyone's dead?

You son of a bitch.

I'll kill you.

Wait, what?

Where'd you get another night?

Look, yeah, you're better off here.

Oh, my God.

My horse is dead.

Oh, you seem more upset about the horse than his mom.

You can get a new horse.

You can get a new gayless.

You have horses here?

We play for sure.

You have not seen a one.

Well, you're in the same.

Did you put a horse dick on a shoe?

Yeah.

Yeah.

So confident about that.

I would like to wrap all the way around.

I love you.

Yeah, we could do a horse high heel too.

Yeah.

Super cool.

Yeah.

Super high heel.

You're like 12 inches taller.

Oh, wow.

Yeah.

We tested it.

The same way that how, you know, people in the future, 80 years from now, are listening to this podcast saying like, why did they do any of this?

They're dead.

Why were they wasting their time?

Imagine spending 16 years in a room

talking to people

who are pretending to be other people.

The same thing that you would have if you were to go back home right now in the present day, you would see, like, why did I want to go there?

Like, I'm sure there's etchings of gaylists, and you know, I mean, like, who cares?

You're here now.

Like, make the best of it, man.

You got a model.

You should act.

Like, you have you're fucking sexy, bro.

And I don't say that to everyone.

I know.

Wow.

You know, I mean, you've all lost me completely

at will.

Pretty much all of it.

But I've wanted to ask.

You have wanted to ask?

I wanted to ask.

Yeah.

Oh, because our source will go back to the fact that I am in a car full of worldly men.

But I believe the car is a woman.

And Kayla.

Yeah.

And where's his head?

The lady.

And, well, I guess

how do you do it?

No, Kayla, where's his heading?

Oh, me.

Oh, Kayla.

Now, where are we going right now?

I thought we were just having a nice ride.

I've never been in this fucking part of town.

I thought we were having a nice ride.

I'll take us us to Panera.

I'm raving up.

Panera?

Why?

Are we all breaking up?

Yeah, we can all.

We're going to have

a conversation.

We're going to have a exclusively a restaurant for people who are breaking up.

Breaking up or doing like study group for high school.

Oh, Gayless probably thinks I've run away.

Gayless is dead

hundreds of years ago.

What's Gayless's last name?

Don't know.

Oh, you don't know?

Oh, it's mine now.

Oh, oh, oh,

oh, you did get married.

Look at it.

Gayless McClure.

That's what I'm saying.

That's what's so tragic.

Let me look up Gayless McDonald's.

Let me Google her.

Moments from Consummate.

1690s.

1690s, Gayless McDougall.

Okay.

Yeah.

I'm only getting 500 hits.

She probably lived her life forlorn within the fermentation.

Doing the Google image search.

Okay.

Oh, take a look at this.

Ooh.

What is it?

This is a picture.

This is like, yeah, this is a drawing.

An oil painting of Gayless McDougall.

That could have been a paint painting.

It's a drawing of an oil painting.

Drawing of an oil painting, yeah.

Well, what's why there's a why do you sound like that?

Let me turn the computer around.

This is what she looks like.

She's beautiful.

Oh, wow.

That's very sweet, actually.

She's sweet.

But by our modern standards, she's always put a pad over that.

Keep that veil on, baby.

We're in Hollywood.

Oh, the father of a daughter.

She's exactly as I.

Dude, you could do so much better.

Down to the whiskers.

Down to the whiskers.

Now,

to my original question.

You all.

What has your original question been solved?

I guess, I suppose, if I'm fated to live

in this hell.

Oh, wow.

Just hang out, man.

I got a guest house.

I could live here.

You live here?

All I ask for is 20% of your earnings.

25%.

Okay.

I mean, I didn't.

You just jumped up 5%.

It's going to take a lot of time.

Gueshouse privileges are, yeah.

If you get pool privileges, that's another 5%.

Maybe I'll do like commercial acting.

I'll make some intros.

Take you to a few parties.

I mean, that business has cratered, I will say.

You know, celebrities are doing ads now.

So

that's a recession indicator is what that is.

There's no romantic contracts.

We're just going to

start off modeling.

Then we're going to segue into acting.

Yeah.

And then hosting.

Well, acting then hosting?

Sure.

Well, because all actors are hosts now.

What if we could get Rupert on like a bachelor's situation?

That would be amazing.

Oh, I don't know.

Bachelor's in Paradise.

Have you ever heard of this?

I'm going to have seen the billboards because I sleep under one.

Oh, no, Rupert.

No, sleep in my guest house.

I have my own choice.

I didn't mean to take it to a dark place.

Okay.

And now I will be sleeping in your guest house.

Have you tried to get back to Scotland, modern Scotland at all?

Yeah.

I mean, it obviously, the portal dumped you here, but you can travel to Scotland.

I went there last year with the show.

You've been there.

Yes, I've been there as well.

Yeah.

I could just go.

Anyway,

well, how?

Okay.

Well, you could take a boat.

Too much.

You could fly in a plane.

I'm sorry.

Are you aware of planes?

Yeah, have you?

Have you anyone?

Do you know about birdbirds and the radio?

Oh, you mean the

metal birds?

Well, I wouldn't call them metal birds.

They're sort of plummeting to the earth.

Every day I see a few things falling from the sky.

I'll be honest,

in years past, I would say they are not falling from the sky at all, but currently they are plummeting from the the heavens

to the ground let's not have you take a plane okay so sounds like i'm living here now yeah you just live here i think you're good in fact uh uh kayla can we get are we near my house at all oh my god i thought we were going to panera jesus i want to show roof at the guest house okay okay you're gonna love it man can someone just tell me please how

how you do it

how to do it how to do life no Oh, sex.

Yeah.

Oh.

I think this is for Tony and Austin.

Yeah, you guys can take this.

All right, watch this.

Watch Watch this.

Watch this.

Let them cook.

Okay, yeah, let's cook.

All right.

Ready?

Okay.

Grab my ankles.

Wait, you're doing it right now?

I'm sorry.

Oh, wow.

I thought they just explained.

Okay, so first you're going to want to warm them up.

So

again, you're seemingly doing it on each other.

Is that what's happening?

Yeah, we're just staying on the towel.

We were just trying to show you.

Yeah, it's just an instructional video, man.

Yeah.

I don't know.

It's an instructional video of us doing it.

Yeah.

That's not a video and is in fact just them doing it.

Because we assume.

We suck each other's dicks, which is basically what ends up happening.

That's not a problem for me.

I'm really just, I'd like to know anything about it, and you've yet to say a single fact about having sex with a woman.

Soda water.

With a woman, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, yeah.

Okay.

Okay.

Watch this.

Watch this.

Why?

Well, we're going to explain it this time.

All right.

So, first, you, um, first you greet the person.

Hello, me lady.

Probably is what you would do.

Yeah.

Can I just, and I don't, and I also don't mean to shorten your story, but picture for a moment, you're already wet.

Wet?

Wet?

No, you don't get wet.

We have sticks.

Make sure those towels are down.

Yeah.

The towels are down.

We're not wet, though.

We're not wet.

And she's waiting in the chamber.

Okay, sure.

Yeah, we can do, how would you have sex with a bride who is waiting for you in the chambers and you're already wet?

Okay.

Yeah, let me just update that in my head.

Okay, now people come up there.

Okay, so we're in a castle.

Yeah, yeah.

Okay, you're walking through the door.

You're walking up the stairs.

You're going, you're going, you're the man, Tony.

You're the man.

You're going, you're the man.

You fucking got this.

You're not going to flip out and get anxious.

All right.

And I kind of saddle up next to him, and I'm like, you're the man, Austin.

You're the man.

Yeah, of course.

You're the man, Austin.

Do you do everything together?

Yeah.

And you hype only yourselves up.

You don't hype each other up.

Nah, because it's such an internal thing, having

mainly external, but yeah.

I mean, it's internal with your partner.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

It's mostly internal for us, at least.

Yeah.

It's a mental game, really.

Yeah.

Sure, it's also a game game of the heart, you know, and the heart is inside your body.

That's true.

Hopefully.

What

I don't mean to presume because I've not been here previously, but like it feels like you guys are lying about a lot of stuff.

And I think it would feel good.

Oh, hey, Rupert, Rupert.

If you could just be honest, our website's real.

Wow, wow, wow.

Rupert's real.

They have a real website, Rupert.

That's the thing is in the 1600s, you know, like somebody like Rupert has to cut to the chase.

They don't have the luxury of time to be polite.

If you don't have the tithes or if you can't deliver, I would have had to kill you.

So basically, I just need you to tell me the truth.

Have you had sex with someone ever?

No, ma'am.

No, ma'am.

Thank you.

You said no, ma'am.

I guess I was talking to the Waymo again.

I don't know.

I'm scared of her, man.

My bad.

I'm just going to smash this button now.

No.

Actually, that was good.

That was good.

Okay.

Found something that Kayla likes.

I actually, that caught me by surprise.

Sometimes you don't know if you like something.

You have to do it to a lot of people.

Genuinely, I'm learning a lot about myself.

I'm learning constantly.

Tony, do it with me.

All right.

Well, by sitting in this car, could it be that we've all lost our virginities?

Is that what you're saying?

Because we're inside.

Because you're inside of Solomon.

Yeah, we're inside Kayla.

We're all making love right now.

Yeah.

No, I did it.

You're the the man, Austin, either man, Tony.

Oh, that was very sweet.

This episode does have a happy ending.

Wow.

That

genuinely affected me.

Yeah.

Well, guys, we are running out of time, unfortunately.

We only have time for one final feature on the show.

That is, of course, a little something called plugs.

Open up the bag and give me all your plugs.

Show me where to look and tell me where can I find you.

Where can I find you?

Yeah.

Yeah.

You're saying yeah over the farts and

all right.

That was shine, the wet remix.

Oh, man.

By Eddie Wolfram.

Everything's wet.

Everything's wet.

It's not.

I mean, it's, well, I guess we're a couple months from wet day.

Yeah.

I mean, quite a few months, unfortunately.

Yeah.

All right.

What do we plug in?

Jason, obviously, Taskmaster Series 19 is out.

All the episodes on.

You can watch it all on YouTube.

Invincible, like we mentioned before.

The final season of Big Mouth, Big Mouth Season 8 is up on Netflix now.

You can watch all of that.

I'm saving it for when Nick does

Scott Asn's Seen.

We're going to go.

What movie?

No, Big Mouth.

He promised to do that episode.

I love that.

And you're going to watch the whole series?

No, we'll just watch a few selected upgrades.

Yeah, it's funny.

That's a great idea.

And how did this get made on tour now?

How did this get made?

We have finished our tour.

We have one date in Vancouver that I think will have already passed.

I have already passed.

Great.

All right.

But always be on the lookout for Jason.

Absolutely.

If you see him and catch him, he'll give you part of his $4 million prize.

Absolutely.

But please don't catch me.

Please don't touch me.

I don't like you.

But if you do, he'll give you part of his $4 million prize.

Yep.

And in fact, just say hey, Nung Man and walk away.

That might be best.

Austin and Tony, what do you want to plug?

The Z-suite on Tubi.

New TV show just came out.

That's something you like to watch?

Yeah, I really like it.

That's what kids are watching.

That's the show.

Yeah, the kids.

People really like the show, especially.

What's the setup?

So basically, it's about an office where there's an old lady and young lady.

How old is old haggard lady?

50.

And they let her on TV?

Yes.

Oh, it's Tubi.

It's Tubi.

It's Tubi.

It's Tubi.

They kind of, they'll kind of sort of take anyone.

Anna Butzaler's on it, and it's like, that's just, they really will take anyone.

so uh definitely watch watch that and uh and it's called z suite it's called z suite on tuby

it's a free streaming platform yeah download it right now get it watch it a ton and because they probably want people to watch it so that they can do a season two and then everybody can get more money again gotta get those numbers up gotta get those numbers really important tony anything uh you want to vlog um yeah um actually these like two girls sometimes i just throw this on they have this like um improv podcast called Ana and Isabella Do Improv.

Yeah, I heard that one's really good.

Yeah, oh, that's cool.

Yeah,

it's a podcast.

It's a podcast, yeah.

So it's not on Tubi, it's not, but I, uh, God willing, yeah, if God wills it to be, yeah, yeah, yeah.

So if you're liking, if you're liking this show right now, you can go to the podcast app you're listening to it on, search the, what is it, Ana and Isabella do improv.

Do improv, and then, of course, cooldickshoes.com.

Yeah.

Yeah.

That's our, oh my god, that's the big plug.

Why aren't you talking about these fucking podcasts and Tubi shows?

Who promised we wouldn't do this?

Here's, what is it?

Cool Dick Shoeshoeshwoes.

Cold Dick Shoes.com.

Cold DickShoes.com.

This episode is brought to you by Cool Dickshoeshweshwick.

Cool Dick Shoes.

Cool Dick Shoes.com.

Pick your dick.

Pick your shoes.

Pick your dick.

Pick your shoes.

Now, somebody will edit all this together as a commercial.

My advice is all the things you guys just told us that people should listen to and check out should be linked on this website because this is what people are going to remember.

Cooldickshoes.com.com.

That's going to be the thing that you're going to do.

And re-route some of the other stuff.

Because people are going to be like, fuck, what was that funny thing?

Oh, cool dickshoo.com.

Well, fuck, now I can't listen to the podcast on this.

Kayla, is this Tubi?

Kayla, you want to plug cooldickshoes.com?

I would love to not plug cool dicks.

What is it?

Cooldickshoes.com?

Or cool dickshost.

An anti-plug?

Yeah.

I'm going to do an anti-plug.

You're doing an unplugged plug.

I'm doing an unplugged.

Do not visit that site.

Unplugged.

Do not visit that site.

I beg of you.

Download the Waymo app.

Or, oh, I've been hearing whispers in my Waymo of a really cool girl on Instagram.

Whoa, whoa, whoa.

At DeafBirch One, I believe.

And she's been posting stuff about shows.

Oh, my God.

About shows?

Wow.

This sounds like good content.

I would love to see a show.

People are talking.

People are talking about it.

People are whispering about it in the Waymo.

Whispering about it in the Waymo.

Why whisper?

You know, whispers are louder than screams sometimes.

I love that.

That's wow.

I love that point.

That's powerful.

Rupert McDougal, what do you want to plug?

Right.

I mean,

you don't have a lot going on.

Basically, what do you want to plug?

Basically, oh,

yeah, you could,

a billboard that I've seen before.

You could watch Solar Opposites.

It's on the Hulu.

I did a voice on that show.

That's right.

And you.

Oh, you saw it?

My friend writes on that show.

Oh, nice.

Yeah,

this girl I've seen.

This girl, Mai.

She writes on that show.

Yeah, really good.

It's a great show.

It is a great show.

Incredible.

And you could write.

You could watch the final season of Lord Dex.

I love it.

Love that show.

Plus, and then, you know, you could do something really crazy, and you could go to UCB and watch Herald Night.

Oh, wow.

Wow.

I hear you can stream that.

And you can even stream.

You can?

Yeah.

They shouldn't do that.

They shouldn't do that.

But that's fantastic.

I want to plug CBB World.

Oh.

Yes.

Can I plug a specific episode of CBB World?

Yeah, what do you got?

Heinz.

I'm prov to meet you.

Improv to meet you.

I'm prov to meet you.

Episode, what number of what episode?

What's it called?

We don't know, but one of the last ones.

It's the episode where the improv lesson is being taught to an office workplace.

Yes.

I will say this.

Will teaches improv to a lot of the people that are on this show.

Yep.

Will Heinz is often on this show.

It's not often that he goes out into the world and just teaches improv to regular people, but these regular people turned out to be hilarious.

And he recorded it, which is recorded us, and we turned that into a podcast.

Yeah.

So that can be, that's a CBB presents episode.

Heinz I'm Prov to Meet You.

We also have every episode of this show ad-free, including the new episodes ad-free.

All 900 and whatever of them, as well as every live episode we've ever done.

That's thousands of hours of entertainment for you, as well as Scott Hasn't Seen, which Nick Kroll is going to do about his own show.

Soon.

Anything recent, any movies recently that you have now seen that you are like, hey, I wish I'd seen?

Like, this was a great one.

No.

No.

okay.

Genuine question.

Because sometimes there are ones that you're like, oh, I saw this, and it was actually great.

No, there was one recently that I was like, this is a stone cold classic, and I'm trying to remember what it was.

Oh, Cabaret.

That was a good one.

Oh, yeah, great.

Great one.

Yeah.

Great one.

And then a bunch of fucking shit every other week.

But yeah, anyway, that's all at CBBWorld.com.

We also have shows like The Neighborhood Listen, College Town, stuff like that.

Everywhere.

Hey, Randy, I'll shout out as one of the funniest shows

on the app.

Ipre Dunk, who me with the Batman.

The Gino show is over there.

Holy shit.

That show is funny.

This book changed my life.

So much.

Also, very funny.

So much great stuff over there.

Head over to cbbworld.com.

All right, let's close up the old plug bag.

Too many songs.

Everyone's done.

Everyone's ready to go.

We're enjoying this.

Your experience is not ours.

I don't know.

Ours?

Is that the royal hours?

I don't know.

Everybody else is like snooze.

All right.

That was Oppa Pop Remix 2025 by TW Bond.

Thanks to TW Bond.

If you have a plug theme, head over to cbbworld.com slash plugs.

And guys, I want to thank you, Jason.

Even though you don't like the songs that people people worked very hard on, and that's an insult, a direct insult right to them, right to the fans.

And this is what I'll say to the fans: do something else.

Your time could be better spent.

I said it on stage the other day.

This is not even a heel turn for you because you've always been like this.

Yep.

Just a real idiot.

Just an absolute jerk.

It cares not for the fans.

Nope.

Fans can get fucked.

I want to thank, speaking of getting fucked, Austin and Tony, two people who have never had sex before.

Cooldickshoes.com.

dickshoes.com.

Yeah.

Cooldickshoes.com.

That's a genuine website.

Yeah.

But you admitted you'd never had sex.

Do we have to keep bringing it up, though?

But yeah, we'd never had sex.

You know what?

I agree.

I don't think, Scott, you should, as a 50-year-old, some 50-something-year-old man, be

identifying teenage virgins.

Ooh, I got one.

I got a couple over here.

Two teenage virgins over here.

Wait, but

we did it with the Waymo.

Yeah.

We did it with the Waymo.

Yeah, we're in the Waymo.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

That's a good point.

Speaking of the Waymo, Kayla, thank you so much for being here.

And

are you dropping us off?

Where are we?

I mean, I can go for another.

I heard you have a pool at your house.

We could go for a splash.

Oh, wow.

You want to drive into the pool?

I've never been in a pool.

Oh, that's so cute that you want.

Oh, that's great that you feel like you trust us enough.

I'll drive all of us into the bush.

I feel like you would rust.

I'll drive all of us into the pool and just see what happens.

Okay, I don't know.

I mean, I feel safe in a Waymo that goes into a pool.

In the pool, it might be difficult.

We're so close to the ocean.

Should we just drive

into the ocean?

Yeah, Rupert, you want to drive into the ocean?

Maybe we can get to Scotland.

I'd love to.

I'd love to fill the trunk with heavy rocks and drive into the ocean.

Let's do it.

Yeah.

Outside of my range.

Oh, no.

You want to go to Brentwood?

Fuck.

All right, man.

Pool.

That's too bad.

We'll go into the pool.

All right.

Thanks, everyone.

We'll see you next time.

Bye.

Hey, everybody, it's Paul Scheer, host of How Did Did This Get Made, a podcast that covers the best, worst movies.

This week, we're diving into the brand new War of the Worlds reboot starring Ice Cube.

Yes, the movie that got 2% on Rotten Tomatoes.

Ice Cube is saving the world from aliens via his computer.

It's so convoluted, this plot, but basically, if you have an Amazon account, you can save the day just like Ice Cube.

There is so much going on in this movie.

So join me, June, Diane, Rayfield, and Jason Manzukis, as we break down every bizarre choice and every Ice Cube one-liner on this week's episode of How Did This Get Made?

The podcast that makes sense of movies that don't.