Hollyweird (Amita Rao, Will Hines, Casey Feigh)

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I'm just like you.

I put your pants on one leg at a time.

Welcome to Comedy Bang Bang.

Hmm.

Thank you to Joeyo Tweets.

Let's see.

Joeyo Tweets submitted that roughly two and one half years ago, and I'm just getting around to it now.

But thank you, Joeyo Tweets.

Hope you're still a listener, and honestly, I hope you're still on this earth.

Thanks, Joeyo Tweets.

And welcome to Comedy Bang Bang for another edition.

We have an exciting show today.

We have an eccentric multi-millionaire coming up on the show.

We have

a being.

I guess everyone is a being in some sense, but I think you'll see what I mean when I bring them on.

And we also have a substitute teacher coming up a little later on the show.

But we also have a very exciting show business guest to start us off with.

We are in Holly.

Look, I'm just going to say it weird.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

And

we like to have

people who work in,

I'm going to say it again, Holly Weird

on the show.

We love our film stars.

That's number one.

We love people who are in movie stars.

Movie stars are better games.

We love booking movie stars.

Yeah, yeah.

But you know what?

How many have you had on?

They usually are only on once.

Yeah.

But we've had Ben Stillers in all those Night of the Museum movies.

That is a bona fide movie star.

Yeah.

Jake Johnson had a movie out when he he was on the show.

He's promoting a movie.

Yeah, he's TV, though.

Okay, thank you.

I agree.

Would a movie star see me at the beach and come up and say hi?

I don't think so.

Only a TV star would do that.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And Adam Scott would like to be in movies, but you know, Madam Webb.

Was he in Madam Webb?

Yeah, it just doesn't count.

He was playing Ben Parker, Peter Parker's father.

Adam Scott was playing Peter Parker's father?

Uncle.

Uncle Ben.

Young uncle.

Youngle.

Youngle.

Uncle Adam Scott.

I don't think Madam Webb counts as a movie, TBH.

Yes, thank you so much.

I agree.

So he does not count as a movie star, but we love our TV stars.

We love having them on.

They're so much better than novelists or

other podcasters.

Novelists are just verbal or literary podcasters.

Literary, exactly.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

It's like I could, like, I could write a book.

You just write down everything I said on each podcast.

Literally, literally, so easy.

And they just go on and on and on and on.

It's so boring.

But today we have one of our lovely TV stars.

We love our TV stars, don't we?

I mean, we love watching them on our small screens.

I love them.

And you know what the sizes of televisions these days?

They're getting bigger and bigger.

I would say that, and then, you know, screens with in the movie theaters with our multiplexers are getting smaller and smaller.

Someday they'll meet in the middle and you won't know what you're watching.

Yeah, and we'll all be the same kind of star.

Yes, finally.

But she is a wonderful TV star that I first came across her work.

I was very late to the party, but perhaps two months or so ago when we had Asif Ali on the show talking about Deli Boys.

And at that point, I had only seen one or two episodes when he was on, but then he came on a different show I do.

And I was proud to tell him I completed the season.

And I watched all 10 episodes and became a big fan of this person's work from that show.

I didn't know you finished TV shows.

I do, yeah.

You just don't seem to have a respect for the art form, so I just didn't know you finished it.

She also has now her own show that she's toplining.

Would you say you're above the title?

Toplining.

I haven't heard that one.

She hasn't ankled it yet.

Yeah.

I'm using variety shake here.

What was the question?

Are you above the title in this?

Yeah, I'm above the title.

Yeah, I'm, I think, or I'm like right, oh, sorry.

I'm like right in front of the title.

I'm kind of like tit first in front of the title.

If you look at all the billboards, I'm kind of tit first.

Are you like Fast and Furious presenting Hobbs and Shaw in a way?

I wish I knew that latter reference for the life of me.

This is a generational thing.

People don't know Fast and Furious.

No, no, Fast and Furious, I do know Hobbs and Shaw.

They presented Hobbs and Shaw, and they started presenting movies.

If you said Hobbs and Shaw, I thought Calvin and Hobbes.

I'm going to be totally honest with you.

The most famous Hobbes is Calvin and Hobbes, isn't it?

Of course, of course.

And the most famous Shaw is

Robert Shaw from Jaws.

Don't know.

Celebrating his 50th anniversary this year.

Ooh, another movie.

Yeah, we love our movies.

But she has a new television show entitled Adults.

And we'll figure out, don't worry, fans of Call Sheet Talk.

We'll figure out where she is on the call sheet.

Yeah.

Please welcome to the show for the first time, Amita Rao.

Hi.

Thanks for having me, Scott.

So wonderful to meet you.

All right, let's get to it.

What number are you?

I'm

four, I think.

I'm four.

Wow.

Yeah.

There are five leads on the show.

And it's telling that I am at the bottom, considering I have the best body.

You would think they would want to put someone like me at the top.

Best body and body of work, I would say.

Yes, thank you.

You have a sexy body of work.

Thank you, Scott.

I was like, thank you.

I wasn't sure if we were going to be able to do it.

I like to compliment people on their bodies on the show.

Of work.

Yeah, of work.

If they're in movies.

And so, yeah, I am.

It was a shame, honestly, that they're going to be able to do it.

What's going on with this?

You know what?

I think I got in a contentious situation with some of the people on set.

I think I was too cruel to some of the PAs.

And I think they.

Did they readjust you after the first couple of days?

I used to be one, and then I came in and I slapped one of the PAs, and then they docked me down to four.

Was the settlement that the PA was suddenly number one?

Yeah, yeah.

The PA shot up to one, and I was like, she doesn't have a good body at all.

It doesn't make sense to put her at the top.

But you know what?

It was a huge career transition for her, and I'm happy I could help a woman succeed.

That's fantastic.

I love that.

The glass ceiling finally broke.

Exactly.

All I had to do was slap one.

All you had to do was slap a bitch.

But

so you're number four.

If you were five,

that would almost be better because I would go like, oh, obviously

they're not doing this based on merit.

No, no, no.

Totally.

If I was five, I would be like, okay.

Oh, this is a random draw situation.

100%.

Or you have to make the others feel better.

Put me at the way bottom.

Sure.

But we have, no, no, I was four, which felt.

intentional yeah and cruel i would jockey for season two and and we all hope it gets season two of course of course.

Of course.

Adults on FX currently.

But

I would jockey for next season to readjust this and say, you know what?

Would you come and would you come and fight for me?

I would love, I'd love to be your agent.

Or me.

Would you be my agent?

Yeah, I would love that.

We could represent each other.

Would you be mine?

I would totally be yours.

I mean, I don't respect your art form either.

So it's like, I think we would do a good thing for each other.

Neither do I.

Do you think you could get me on Doughboys?

Yes, totally.

We need way more white guys on that show.

We only have two.

It's like Tim, Baltz, and Jake.

We need at least one more.

Three.

Oh, and then you could be one of the call sheet.

Actually, that was the create deli boys.

It wasn't Ossif who was number one.

It was actually

Tim.

Wait, what?

What was it?

Time?

No.

Oh, okay.

No, but wasn't that hilarious, the one white guy on the show was number one on the call sheet.

No, it was Aussie.

No, he was, he was, he was two, as I recall.

We talked about this.

And then Osif was?

Yeah, I believe so.

Was he not?

Oh, I actually have no idea.

Honestly, to be honest, I think I've lied a lot so far.

Do you remember what you were on the day?

Because how many days did you work?

I imagine, let me guess.

Can I guess how many days you worked?

You were in three episodes?

Is that correct?

Or four?

I was in five, Scott.

You were in five.

I was in five.

Were you the back five?

Or were you in like popped up in four?

I didn't top line any of them for sure, but I was in the, I was in, uh, well, I was in three.

Oh, five, seven, nine, and ten.

Okay, so you went odd numbers for a while, and then they're like, you know what?

They were like,

let's put the odd numbers and the evens together in our finale.

And so you did five episodes.

Let me me guess how many days you worked because you got that big wedding in the 10th episode spoilers spoilers Spoiler alert.

It's been out for a while guys.

It's been out for a while.

I love a spoiler alert.

Do you have one on your phone?

The spoiler alert?

Anytime anyone spoils anything, you get an alert.

No, I wish I had that on my phone.

My friends are always spoiling shit for me because I haven't consumed any media in like a

It feels like if you're if you're even one week late to something like I give you an example.

I didn't watch Tiger King for a week and then I thought I've seen all the memes, I've seen all the jokes.

There's no point to this anymore.

I completely agree.

It's like media, but also I have to come clean on Sunday.

I, and this is my true opinion.

I have a very diffuse media education, and I think it's a very Gen Z thing where it's like most of my media education is like I knew about Back to the Future from John Mulaney's joke about Back to the Future.

Like, I like that how, I mean, look, honestly, when Back to the Future came out, it's it's now been 40 years.

Yeah, it was like one.

When it came out, I wasn't even alive yet.

Um, But

I'm now, by the way, I was born in 1996.

It's on a sliding scale now.

But no, when it came out,

if the movies that had come out 40 years earlier would have been 1945, who would be interested in them?

Like, why would anyone be interested in Back to the Future now?

I mean, I think...

I literally, I can't even remember the movie because I was stoned last time I saw it.

I'm like trying to think of a screen.

So you see it more than once.

So the last time you saw it, you were stoned.

Well, I keep trying to have a media education, but every time I'm like, okay, I'm going to sit down, I'm going to watch all these movies, I'm always stoned.

And then so it's like, doesn't mean anything.

I'm like, great.

I have like a bad memory.

It's like honestly the same, it's worse than before because now I can't even contribute to it.

Cause I'm like, it's like.

At least before you had somewhat of an idea culturally of like what people were talking about.

Now you've seen like a you have a hazy recollection of I don't feel confident because it feels like every time I have like dementia and I feel insecure when I start talking about it because I'm like, oh yeah.

Did I imagine that?

Or is that something I actually saw?

Yeah, exactly.

And I'm like, you're going to learn that I have a deteriorating mind.

Wow.

So what is,

and we love movies, don't we?

What is your favorite movie then?

And is it something that came out recently?

You don't can't see this, but he has a gun to my head.

And it's very scary.

My favorite movie is probably Itanya.

I fucking love Itanya.

Please don't joke about Itanya this Christmas, by the way.

Oh, what?

Never mind.

Inside joke.

Is that when she hit her?

Oh, Christmas?

Is it a Christmas movie?

Does Itanya count as a Christmas movie?

Maybe it's like Batman Returns.

I think it's Die Hard 2?

I think so.

It's in the snow.

It's in the ice rink.

It's Christmas.

I think every ice movie should be Christmas.

Yeah, Frozen

obviously is a Christmas movie, but like anytime there's anyone putting ice into someone's drink, that's Christmas.

Christmas.

That's Christmas to me.

Every time I'm at a restaurant, I get ice.

That's a little mini Christmas.

The ice storm when they're swapping wives.

Yeah.

Do you know about that?

Mm-hmm.

Key parties?

Do you know what those are?

Is it a swinger thing?

It is a swinger.

Swingers.

Do you know about that?

Oh, I know about swingers.

You don't need to be, you don't need to be, you can be young and know about swingers.

Sure.

Swingers crosses all generational divides.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Vegas baby.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Tell us.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, Vegas.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, Vegas baby.

Tell us about adults.

Adults is out on FX right now.

People can watch this.

Would it surprise you to learn that I've watched two episodes?

Oh my God.

Yes.

I don't know if this is an Ossif situation where I'm going to go the full 10.

You'll have to come back and find out at some point, as he did.

By the way,

I made him promise, and perhaps you'll make the Osifali promise here on the show, that I am his first call when he hears about whether the show was canceled or picked up.

Oh my God, really?

And we're going to record it live on the show.

Wait, that's awesome.

So would you like to make the Asifali promise here on the show?

Oh, Scott.

This is before your loved ones.

This is before your agent.

I mean, your agent presumably is going to call you away.

No, no, no.

I don't.

Those people don't matter to me.

Thank you.

Like you.

Like you.

Thank you.

That would be great if they were renewed or canceled on the same day.

So you both.

I was like fielding two calls.

Oh my God.

Anatha's calling.

Anthony's calling.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

Wait, that would be a great episode for you.

It would be so cool if one was a yes and one was a no, and then we could have the full spectrum of like emotions.

Oh, that'd be like reality TV.

Yeah.

Someone sobbing.

One of us.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, totally.

In any case, tell us about adults.

It's out on FX.

You're number four on the call sheet exactly what's going on in the show um the show is about a group of 20 somethings uh navigating what are we talking are we talking 21

23 to 26

between 23 and 26.

that's the range yeah we thought that was the most relatable demographic we said this is the one that people relate to so no one do you think there will be if there's a season two will there be a birthday party where someone's like 27 and then everyone kind of goes like this dude's a drag yeah i think once we hit 27 they'll cancel the show yeah okay

I think they're kind of just right now.

This is for right now.

As soon as we hit 27, it's like, you know, you age out.

You know, that's why the Simpsons, they don't age.

Originally, they were going to age, but they're going to be.

Because they lose their insurance?

Yeah.

Cartoon insurance.

Oh, my God.

That makes so much sense.

There are myths out there that if Bart, or Barth, as some people call him.

Oh, yeah.

El Barto, perhaps you've heard of him.

Yeah, no, I call him El Barto.

That if he reaches the age of 13, he becomes a real boy.

And no longer a cartoon.

Barth.

And that's why they're keeping him where they are because they know they can enslave him

in these cartoons and just keep him working for decade upon decade.

I mean, honestly, it's a good idea to do it because if he got out, he'd be too powerful.

Do you think that you guys could ever or should ever be a cartoon show?

on adults?

Yeah,

I think that we should switch to cartoon as soon as we start aging out.

Yeah.

Like, as soon as our faces start to go, as soon as our bodies start to go, as soon as there's like crow's feet on whatever.

let's turn this into a cartoon.

Yeah, yeah.

We don't want to do the whole Botox thing.

Just switch it to cartoon.

I love that.

So tell us what the show actually

is about other than being about 20-somethings.

The show is about more than being 23 to 26.

The show is about a group of 20-somethings navigating just like the highs and lows of adulthood.

What about the mids?

Emerging adulthood.

The mids, the mids are explored, but they're a little more boring.

That's a skill that's not.

I film them.

That's what I've always said.

Like, if nothing's happening, let's not film today.

No, totally, totally.

And, you know, there are a couple mids.

There's a couple of mids we filmed.

And you can, yeah, I understand if you skip them.

Leave them on the cutting room floor.

That's the other thing is like, why does Jackie Chan, why does he film these stunts if he's not going to do it right?

Like you watch these movies and he's like constantly fucking up at the end where they're like, oh no, he actually fell or he

hit by a stick or whatever.

It's like, no, just don't film those.

Yeah, yeah.

Like film it when he's doing it right.

I know, like cut the camera.

It's like, honestly, rude.

It's like he did it right so many times.

Why did you film when he got hit by that stick?

Do you ever watch one of your shows, Adults, which is on FX Now,

and

they leave in a take where someone forgets a line?

And you're like, why did they do that?

I actually personally have the belief that almost always, if you have a worst take, that will be chosen.

Yeah.

That will be the one chosen, and that will be the one that everyone's like, it's amazing.

And it's always the worst one.

I've heard that about other shows

with casts of five or six where they're jockeying to get their lines in and not cut and the the mind games that they play with the rest of the people where like if everyone's going high they go super low so there's so there's variety that it's like well they have to cut to me if like i'm the only one not freaking out or whatever or like even going even higher or whatever yeah do you guys do any of that with the cast of adults on fx now yeah we were we were always playing mind games with each other um we were trying to make sure we were trying to get under each other's skin because we we wanted the show we wanted everyone to know that in the second puberty of adulthood because that's really what it is like you're mid-20s mid-20s, it's like the other puberty you have because you're like transitioning from being a young, like kind of incubated, incubated infant.

Does everyone grow extra pubes on this show?

Is that was that part of it?

Oh, cool.

That was actually part of the mind game.

So, whoever had the biggest bush actually had, would sometimes shoot to the number one of Call Sheet, which is why it was so confusing that I was four because I had been growing mine for like years, and then I got a murkin on top of it.

And it was like, I like, I literally don't know what happened.

I honestly think, I think it was a Nick thing.

Yeah, yeah, Nick Kroll

is, of course what you're talking about he has some and who you're talking about yeah um but uh nick kroll is one of the producers of the show nick of course we heard from uh on on a previous episode talking about it and did he talk about the bush thing he did uh uh we may have cut it out i can't recall if our editing machine is still broken or not but yeah he's yeah he's a strange guy about but how did nick get involved in this uh

because he's i i watched the show and i'm like oh this is nick kroll and then he's nowhere to be found yeah i'm like and then suddenly his name pops up.

I'm like, you're not in this.

You're a liar.

And then it just says above his name, it says produced by.

I'm like, what the fuck is going on?

Tell us about this.

Yeah, I know.

It's so confusing.

He would just kind of stand offset.

We actually didn't know why he was there.

He said he was helping, but then he would always be knocking on our trailers during weird times.

Like a helper monkey or something?

Yeah, it was like he was there to help, but then he would just stare.

It was super weird.

And then again, he had that whole thing where he was kind of adjudicating the whole Bush ordeal.

And yeah, he, I just feel like his personal bias really got in the way of that.

Strange guy.

You see that movie, The Help?

Yeah.

They make a shit pie in that.

What do you think of that?

I think I'd love a slice.

It looked delish.

It looks really good.

Yeah.

The idea of it is disgusting, but I'll be damned if I didn't watch that movie going like that.

I'm almost lost.

Well, Adults is on FX now.

People can watch it.

Should I give like an actual description?

I feel like every time.

No, I think we did it.

Great.

And we do need to get to our next guest, but Ametha Rao is here.

And

that's exciting to have a TV show.

These are the great years of your life.

Thank you, Scott.

You know, when you don't have a TV show anymore, you kind of are just mentally ticking down the clock until death, is what I found.

Yeah, yeah, totally.

How's it been in the last few years?

Not great.

All right, let's get to our next guest.

He is,

I hyped this up.

He is an eccentric multi-millionaire.

Please welcome to the show for the first time, H.M.

Rosemont.

Hello, Scott.

Thank you so much for having me.

What a classy voice you have, sir.

Thank you so much.

Wow, this is Amita.

Ah, Amita, how are you?

Hi, H.S.

Morton.

Can I say that?

H.M.

H.M.

So sorry.

H.S.

M.

Here's how you remember it.

You go, him?

Oh, let's take out the I.

Oh, interesting.

Wait, what's his last name?

Rosemont.

Or you think of the HMS pinafore, and you say, like, I'm going to take off S.

Pinafore.

Oh, that's actually more helpful.

Thank you.

Okay, great.

These are great mnemonics.

One of the most awkward words one can say.

You keep pointing up as you talk in very classy ways.

Very classy.

Oh, you don't know it as a, pardon me for saying it, low-class piece of shit.

But when you are refined, you learn to point up an index finger up to indicate, ah, I have a point.

Oh, wow.

I'm going to steal that.

And when you drink coffee or tea, pinky up.

Pinky up.

Pinky up.

A lot of classes.

Pointing up.

A lot of people do pinky down.

I'm like, you peacey.

That is a giveaway, a giveaway of poor breeding.

Yes.

Poor education.

So tell us, H.M.

Rosemont, now you're a multi-millionaire, which is great because only having one of those millions.

That's not very many.

You need multi before you're really in play.

Now, but here's what's interesting because these days anyone can be a multi-millionaire, honestly.

Just like go on Big Brother, win that, and then like segue into the amazing race.

They love casting Big Brother or Survivor people on that.

So it's just like, okay, win Survivor and then win the Amazing Race.

Right in a row.

Not quite as invested in this world.

Two years, that's $2 million right there.

I guess that's true.

Not so easy to do what you're saying, but yes, I suppose it's more commonplace than it used to be.

I look at those shows and I go, like, why are you even on if you're not going to win it?

You know what I mean?

Let me get this straight.

You are disdaining them if...

They're intending to not win or something like that.

The fact that they are on and they don't win, it's like, just go on and win.

Yes.

It's embarrassing.

They just fall, fall, fall, fall.

Yes, I don't know if it's as worthy as disdain.

So you're a reality TV lover, it sounds like.

I'm in deep.

I love it.

I have empathy to everyone on reality shows.

I find they're all 100% good people.

You're an empathetic guy.

I'd like to think so, yes.

I like to think so.

I love that.

I think we need more empathy in the world.

Me too.

There's not enough.

More empathetic millionaires.

Yes, but

here's what I wanted to do.

And I'm sorry to jump in.

Multi-millionaire.

Just to separate me, but yes, thank you for the compliment.

No, and thank you for the clarification, Rosmo.

But

you asked to be described as an eccentric multimillionaire.

What is your eccentricity of note?

I think I'm fun.

Okay, so let's start right there.

All right.

So I think, you know, I'm not coming in being a cliche multimillionaire.

I have,

and Scott, I think you're going to like this, a mansion of puzzles.

A mansion of puzzles.

I destroyed my family mansion and reconstructed a mansion comprised of puzzles.

Meaning, the actual construction is comprised of puzzles?

Or you have a mansion that's a normal McMansion thing that has a lot of

puzzles in it.

I'm not going to do a McMansion, okay?

This is a Gothic Tudor stone.

This is a classy affair, all right?

So let's nip that in the bud.

Let's nip that right in the bud.

Now you held two fingers up like you're doing something different.

Scissors.

Scissors.

Oh, okay, scissors.

Nipping.

Okay.

Yeah, yeah.

I'm not, okay, no.

And now I see what you...

Oh,

I don't have the exciting sex life of a podcaster where that would come to my mind.

Puzzles.

No,

like

what the doors fit into the square that the doors usually fit into?

Well, okay, yes, there's some jigsaw puzzle.

Because every house is a puzzle in that regard.

Wouldn't you agree,

HM?

Ah, point you,

Sir Ackerman.

But

no, there are more than just jigsaw puzzles in my mansion.

There are different varieties of puzzle.

Word puzzles.

Logic.

Hedge mazes.

Hedge mazes inside the mansion.

Yes.

That must get very messy.

It's a bad idea that I have to stick with.

But in the basement, there are moldy hedge mazes in need of trimming.

And

navigating.

Okay, I'll get on it.

Good heavens.

This is an easily fixable problem.

Well, I wasn't saying it was...

I wasn't coming to you.

Ah, shit.

Okay, you know what?

You know what?

I apologize because you're just venting, and I am a typical male trying to fix your problem rather than just listening.

You know what?

I want to thank you for hearing me.

I have a question.

Oh, yes.

Hi, Rosemont.

Thank you.

Mr.

Rosemont.

Yes.

Sorry, I keep putting this up.

I'm just

not used to it.

You're doing great.

You're a little nervous.

I understand.

I mean, this is a multi-millionaires.

I know, and I'm not used to talking to multi-millionaires.

They're not paying me for something.

So

I just wanted to ask, like, the word logic puzzles, like, what do you, how are, how is the house constructed?

Okay.

So glad you you asked I just three room to proceed to the next room one must solve the puzzle of that room oh my god or you cannot proceed has anyone ever died in a room not being able to proceed okay I'm not really legally supposed to come on Rosemont yes a bunch a bunch have died yes a lot of people have died can I ask an even more pressing question that's on my mind yes Is the bathroom one of the last rooms you can get to?

The bathroom's about halfway through.

Oh, God.

So if you show up at my my place needing to pee-pee or poo-poo,

you better be good at puzzles or you're going to be out in the yard.

Out in the yard.

I mean, you know, you're in the foyer.

There's a, there's a puzzle right in the foyer.

Do you have a toilet out in the yard?

No, but I'm just like, this must come up all the time.

It does.

And people just, I'm like, hey.

Do you have an outhouse out there or something?

No.

No.

If I build an outhouse, I'll have a puzzle outside that outhouse.

Probably a moon.

So you prefer people just shit in broad daylight in the open air.

I prefer it, but

I prefer that to breaking the integrity of the puzzle rule.

To be honest, Mr.

Rosemont, it seems like you have quite a derogatory.

You perceive that.

Have you been lying up until now?

I mean, yes.

What would you say, to be honest?

Yes.

Are you untrustworthy

in some regard?

I would say that I do have a history of being a pathological liar.

Okay.

And that is true.

She's lying right now.

But I wanted you guys to know that right now I'm being honest.

Okay.

But I was just, because it's an appraisal of you, so it has nothing to do with my history or past, so no need to lie.

You don't need to gain anything here.

You can just shit on me freely.

100%.

It seems like you have a pretty derogatory opinion of those who can't solve puzzles.

It seems like you think they're worse than dogs.

Is that true?

Okay.

I wasn't going to make an animal comparison.

Yeah, I guess I'd put them worse than dogs.

So you're hitting in the yard.

Yeah.

Dogs are pretty low, yes, but not as bad as.

Okay, let's rank these.

Humans who can solve puzzles are high.

Okay, let's rank these five things: humans who can solve puzzles, humans who can't solve puzzles, that's lower.

Dogs,

higher in between those two.

Millionaires.

Regular, just one solution.

Just regular millionaires.

Okay.

And then podcasters.

Okay.

Podcasters we know right at the bottom.

Top people who can solve puzzles.

Then I'm guessing I'm going to say

regular millionaires.

Then dogs.

Then people who can't solve puzzles.

And then podcasters.

Then podcasters.

Okay.

Yes.

That's pretty fair.

Yeah.

Yeah, I would say that's good.

But man, people who can't solve puzzles just are with podcasters.

Well, I find that people who can't solve puzzles tend to be mentally undisciplined,

lazy,

boring, bored, and boring.

So, what got you so interested in puzzles and what are the types of puzzles you normally like?

And then I like all types of puzzles.

Okay.

But I have one I brought for you.

Okay.

Okay.

I love this.

Is this one of the puzzles that's at your house?

No, this was a proposed puzzle that was very, very good, but we didn't need it, so it's sort of a discussion.

So it's on the discard pile.

That's right.

It's on the discard pile, but it's a good example of what we try to do at the Rosemont Mansion.

Amita, are you good at puzzles?

I'm very good at puzzles.

What kind of puzzles do you do every day?

That was a lie.

I am not good at puzzles.

But I do enjoy them.

I hope that doesn't change your opinion.

What does that mean you enjoy them, but you're not puzzled?

I like to look at them.

I like to look at them.

So you pass by, like, you'll pass by a puzzle.

Don't put a puzzle near me.

I'll stop and stare.

Give it a cursory glance.

Move on after.

I wish it was cursory.

60 seconds.

120.

I can't move on.

I love them.

You love them.

So you just stand there wrapped in attention.

Okay, if a car would hit me quite a pickle because you enjoy them, but I'm getting from your vibe that you don't care about solving them.

So you're a vibes guy?

Big time, yes.

Oh, wow.

Okay.

Yeah, yeah.

Okay, was there a vibe shift here in the room at all?

I detected a slight shift.

I felt shift when I said I wasn't good at puzzles, the vibe completely changed.

I mean, God.

Yes, I think there was, yes, there was a vibe shift.

And I am a vibes guy.

HM,

what is this puzzle?

Okay, sorry.

You're looking at the clock.

Here we go.

Ready?

The turtles are all dancing together once more.

Lots of shapes being traced on the floor.

One shape in particular makes them cause such a scene.

Maybe we need to chill about AI.

That was a haiku.

This is a poem.

That's a poem.

Oh, thank you.

It was a poem that had an AABC rhyme scheme.

I think it's very interesting.

The AABC rhyme scheme.

Underused.

Yeah, definitely underused.

The turtles are outdanes.

Wait, was there an answer to that?

I don't think there's a question.

Yeah, there was no question posed in the...

Okay, so here's how it would work.

You come into the foyer, right?

Okay.

This poem sort of carved.

Are you allowed in the house without solving?

Anybody can go in the foyer.

Oh, how wonderful.

Foyer's got to just open it.

So wait, anyone at all?

You could, anyone.

It's open right now.

So it's open to the public.

That's correct.

Okay.

But then every subsequent.

So why wouldn't I just shit in the foyer?

Yeah.

Good question.

Don't do that.

All right.

Oh, don't do that.

Tell the guy who's blocking.

I'm giving you the yard.

Giving us the yard.

Block in the yard.

No.

It's wonderful tendency.

Like a dog?

Yeah.

Something that's almost as bad as a podcaster.

Aren't you a podcaster?

I mean,

I was a screenwriter first.

And he was on TV.

Yeah, I had a TV show.

Okay, all right.

Well, nonetheless, even bad now, sure.

You'll get it going again.

You'll get it.

Oh, I doubt that.

I think any heat, any residual buzz I had has long since dissipated.

But in any case, I think it'll come around.

Okay.

But no, you're welcome to shit in the yard, and I think that's quite true.

Just don't shit in the foyer.

Back to your puzzle.

Okay, I didn't think it was going anywhere, but listen,

in the wood, you come in, there's a big plank of wood in the room, and this would be carved into it, and you have to look around the room, and using that poem, figure out how to do it.

Okay, well, we're not in the room, so how are we supposed to solve this?

Okay, well, I'll describe the room to you.

Okay.

You're in the foyer.

All right.

There's a...

I've just taken a shit in the corner.

Yeah, it's not there.

If that really happened, then we're not going to solve the problem.

Does that play into the puzzle at all?

Is my human shit?

No,

get my butler to come clean up your human shit and reset the puzzle.

With the smell, I can't focus on the puzzle.

Don't forget.

Forget about the shit.

No one's shitting.

Trust me.

If you were in the foyer and you had to shit, okay.

So you're saying come having had.

Yes.

Come having shit.

Be ready.

Or be real good at puzzles because there's a bathroom like six rooms in.

Six rooms.

That's too many.

It's not too many.

No.

It's not too many.

Anyway, describe the room.

It's not enough.

So it's a marble room.

Okay.

Class marble.

You said it was a stone outside?

Most of the building is stone.

Is it Tudor?

I thought the building was made of puzzle.

Okay.

Look, and this isn't hard, all right?

The style of mansion is a gothic Tudor stone mansion.

But the rooms are.

But the stones are fit together like a puzzle.

I mean,

just only in the way that every building with stones is sort of like a puzzle together.

But are there any.

Any brick wall is a puzzle.

Any holes in it?

Like, oh, I lost a piece or anything like that?

No, it's there's solid.

Well, there's some false walls on the outside that are by design.

Okay.

But other than that, no, it all just sit fixed.

What else is in this room?

The foyer.

And the shit.

There's no shit.

Oh, the bottom of me.

There's a round pedestal with six coins, two keys, and a gem.

Six

coins.

Okay.

Two keys and a gem.

And a gem.

Six.

What a round.

Look, six coins.

I forget it every time.

Two coins.

Yeah, say it one more time.

Six coins.

Okay, what types of coins?

What types of coins?

Gold, the blue.

The answer is the key.

Huh?

I'm sorry.

Move on.

Move.

No, no.

Amita took a stab at it.

The answer is the key.

Hey, how many guesses are we allowed, by the way?

Infinite guesses.

Just infinite and infinite and guesses.

You just can't move on until you just can't move on to the key.

The answer is the key.

Why not?

The answer is the key.

The answer is the key key.

The answer is one.

That's not correct.

It's called a red herring.

The poem has nothing to do with the solution of the first room.

And the answer was the key.

You take the key, and the key opens any of the three doors

you're a genius i am good at puzzles i wasn't lying before wow yes you

know what are the what are the coins can i keep them no they're well they're fake they're gold

they're facsimiles of gold doubloons are they chocolate no they're just sort of tin gold plated sort of just can i have them though yeah yeah you could have them oh great okay do you have any more well in this hypothetical example no there's just six in there no but on your yeah no in your house or Yeah, there's a bunch.

There's a bunch scattered.

You have like a swimming pool filled with gold coins.

I don't do the Uncle Scrooge thing.

Uncle Scrooge?

Scrooge McDuck.

He might be an uncle, though.

You're right.

I'm pretty sure.

Look.

It's not how I would

describe him if I wanted people to know who I was talking about.

Like, I think the duck part of it is very important to his whole thing, his whole vibe.

And you're a vibe guy.

I am a vibe guy.

Look, no disrespect meant to Scrooge.

If I were to say, hey, Uncle Scrooge is coming by.

A different vibe.

Different vibe.

Who would you think I'm talking about?

I would think Uncle Scrooge has just finished his little roller skating class and is coming by to give us some cake.

Thank you.

Scrooge McCuckle.

Anyone would feel that way.

Look, I'm friends with Scrooge McDuck, and the guy says Uncle all the time.

So I'm not disrespectful.

He calls himself Uncle Duck.

That's weird.

He says, hello, I'm Uncle Scrooge.

That's weird.

Weird duck.

I think it is weird, but I call people by what they want to be called.

I don't think he has a nephew.

That's weird.

He does have nephews.

It doesn't.

I believe Huey Dewey, Louie, and

Donald.

Donald's not a nephew.

Oh, wait, no, Donald's uncle of Huey Dewey and Louie.

So who is Scrooge McDuck to Donald?

He's everybody's uncle.

Weird.

That's sketchy.

Someone were to introduce themselves as, I'm everybody's uncle.

That's the guy that does citizens.

Let's immediately arrest them.

Citizens arrest.

Citizens arrest them down to the precinct.

I have coins,

facsimiles of gold doubloons scattered everywhere.

Okay.

The six in the fifth.

But they're not worth anything?

They're not.

No, they're not worth anything.

So why have them?

Because they're tokens which you need to solve puzzles later.

Oh, so they're like you can put them in a slot.

You can insert them into certain machines.

I mean, they'll take all the coins.

Really?

And the keys.

Oh, my God.

And the shit.

Wait, so if Scott has the coins and the keys, he can give it to me?

In the hypotheticals?

Yes, yes.

We're allowed to share?

You're working together as a team, absolutely.

Oh, yes.

Did we come in together as a team?

I'm going to say, yes.

Just anyone who enters, is it automatically a team?

It's up to them.

I'm more of a solo rogue team.

You guys have to choose whether to work together or not.

Oh.

i don't know i know you did get that key thing you solved i mean i feel like i would be a good fit for you yeah but am i a good fit for me i mean i feel like we need another white man solving puzzles i mean i think i do

i think i do i think the the puzzle sphere puzzles were constructed by white men mainly so i think that i think that my point of view is is necessary and important no i think like you're gonna be able to unlock it i think puzzles and like i mean you were the one who solved the first one yeah i mean but who am I?

Just a brown woman.

Okay, not my words or my thoughts.

No, no, no.

Certainly something that I don't agree with.

No, no, guys.

You can agree.

You say it.

Say it.

No, no, no.

No, that's not.

Say what you think about my race and gender.

That's not what I'm saying.

Just say it.

And that's not what I.

How about another puzzle?

Okay, one more puzzle.

We're coming up on a break.

Quick.

I get your meaning.

I'll hurry it right up.

So you go.

Which door do you go?

Left, straight, or right?

What do you think?

Ladies' choice.

Scott, I think we should go left.

Okay, left.

Left.

And left is.

No, no, no, right.

Okay, let's go right.

Okay.

Use that.

Yeah, yeah.

Are you going right?

Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, we're going right.

I think his mind's clearer.

He just took a shit.

Okay, right is the pool room.

It's a swimming pool.

Can I swim in coins?

There's no coins.

It's water.

So you have a different pool filled with coins?

There's no pool filled with at no point will you come across a pool filled with coins.

Why'd you say that earlier?

Yeah.

What the hell?

You said that earlier, and I did not.

It is a regular pool.

I don't know why it was ever even brought up.

You're not going to eventually have a coin-filled pool.

You know what?

I don't know why either.

I don't know why either.

I wouldn't have come into the house.

Hey, we're coming up on a break.

Can we get to this puzzle?

Here's the puzzle.

The piglets are snorting and making a quilt.

So many bright colors it takes to get such a thing built.

Can you go back?

The piglets are snorting and making a quilt.

So many bright colors it takes to get such a thing built.

There's red and there's green and there's yellow and blue.

Which color is the one that will make this get through?

Ooh, I didn't think that one was going to rhyme at the end.

Yeah, wow, that's a different

thing.

AABB rhymes.

That one's overused.

Well, it's be cool, but it's a classic for you.

What were the colors he mentioned?

Because those are red, hairy, green, and yellow and blue.

Red, green, yellow, blue.

Okay, so it's in the rooms.

Around the pool are some swim trunks, stack of towels.

What color are the swim trunks?

The white with blue trim.

Sort of like a sailor vibe, like a.

Bit of a sailor vibe.

Like Uncle Donald Duck.

I guess

it is something that Donald Duck would wear.

That's not.

So you're like a duck guy.

Look, I wasn't thinking about the ducks.

So you're like, you have some sort of weird duck fetish?

Not at all.

Your vibe is duck fetish, huh?

Not at all.

I'm Doug.

I'm Donald Trump.

I noticed you don't have any pants just like Donald Duck.

That's right.

I'm not wearing pants, but that's a multi-millionaire thing.

Okay, so that's okay.

So when I'm privileged.

When I introduce you as eccentric multi-millionaire, it's because you're not wearing pants.

No, I'm an eccentric multi-millionaire because I'm a fun guy who breaks cliches.

Not wearing pants is because I don't believe in convention.

In the pool room are seven coins, four keys, two gems.

Okay.

Seven coins.

We have a lot of coins.

We're lousy with coins.

We have so many coins and we can trade them.

We can do anything we want with them.

You know what, though?

And are there doors?

There's two doors.

I think we just use the keys and unlock one of these doors, right?

Yeah, is the answer to that?

That works.

The keys open the door.

So all the rest is enough.

We start you out with a couple red hairs.

Can I just say, HM, it sounds like all of your puzzles, the solution are just take the key and open the door.

No, just so far.

Just so far.

Just so far?

There's people who've died in my mansion.

How many rooms are in this mansion?

45.

Oh, my God.

And how many of these puzzles, the answer is opening the door with a key?

No, I'll tell you, but you sure you want to have this ruined?

Because if you have ever come by.

We'll give a spoiler alert.

Hey, spoiler alert, everyone.

Thank you.

Anyone going to HM's mansion?

here's a spoiler alert.

Out of the 45 rooms, 44 are opened just by the keys in the room.

And

what about the 45th?

That is a,

you got to punch your way out.

Like through what?

Punch the door down with your fist, punch through stone.

Has anyone been able to do that?

Not yet.

Oh, so that's where they're dead.

Yeah, that's very dead.

Yeah, but everyone else has figured out the key thing.

The key thing, people figure it out pretty quick, and they kind of rocket right through most of the rooms.

And then everyone just dies on the punch your way way out one.

That's right.

This is a death trap.

For them, you know, not for everybody.

For anyone who's ever entered.

Anybody who gets you said no one has ever punched their way out.

No, but not everybody.

A lot of people get there.

How many corpses are in this

room that people are

going to punch their way out of?

What's not that many to you, HM?

God.

Seven's not that many.

Jesus Christ.

Oh, yeah.

Tell that to Kevin Spacey and Brad Pitt

and Morgan Freeman.

From the movie Seven?

Yeah.

Did Did you get that reference?

After you said it.

HM, you're a weird guy, but hey, you came on.

You said you were an eccentric multimillionaire.

I do.

I got to give it to you.

We need to take a break, though.

Okay.

When we come back, we're going to have a being.

And we also have a substitute teacher on the show.

This is an exciting show.

Kind of seems like descending orders of weirdness.

Just from the billing.

I wasn't a billing.

I thought you were going to say descending orders of value because you valued substitute teachers less.

Yeah, podcaster started.

Yeah, how good is the substitute teacher at puzzles?

I guess we'll have to find out.

We'll find out, but we're going to take a break.

When we come back, we're going to have more Ametha Rao.

We're going to have more H.M.

Rosemont plus a being and a substitute teacher.

We'll be right back with more comedy bang bang after this.

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Comedy Bang Bang, we are back.

We have Amita Rao from Adults, which happens to be on the Effects channel.

Effects.

Effects.

Yes.

Yeah, yeah.

That's what I said, right?

You said it right?

Yeah, yeah.

Yeah.

Like

special effects.

Like CGI and Jurassic Park, for instance.

Like the dinosaurs.

Anytime you see a dinosaur on screen, that's a special effect.

Yeah.

Otherwise, there'd be dinosaurs in every movie, and people would just call dinosaurs an effect.

Yeah, no, but dinosaurs are a very special effect.

We actually have a couple of those in the show.

Do you really?

We're mixing a lot of genres.

We're doing like young adult, dinosaur, horror.

Are these the dinosaurs from the TV show dinosaurs?

You know, the not the mama?

I don't know if this is one of your absolutely no way she's going to know this.

Yeah, this is the TV show from the late 30s.

So you have to be late 30s to know this?

Interesting.

We have a couple of those guys on there.

Yeah.

We do.

And the show is out now, and people can check it out on the Effects channel or on

the Effects app.

And

the first one.

Is all the cursing in the show?

Look, I don't want to brag that I got a Holly Weird screener.

Do they bleep it out when it's on TV or does 100% of it get in?

They bleep out fuck and shit, but they let me keep in cunt.

And they also

some British censors.

Super British, super British.

All the producers are British.

Yeah.

Right?

Because cunt and I think in Britain, you can say cunt just like any which way.

Yeah, I think they say it in like Disney movies.

Yeah, you can cunt your way on down to the super cunted.

No, no, and that's kind of like that's exactly what every line sounds like, to be honest.

Hey, can we stop saying cunt?

I'm so sorry.

Yes.

Oh, do you have to censor that on this?

My apologies.

No, I mean, we're out of bleeps, so we've been out of bleeps for the last eight years, I believe.

But

I apologize for my profane links.

And I apologize for my cunt.

I think Pastor Pasta was going to, each one is $50,000.

She like bleeped out a few on her last appearance, but unfortunately, we don't have that kind of a budget.

Shame.

But we do need to get to our next guest.

I mentioned we have a being on the show.

Oh my God, I'm so excited to see you.

This is very exciting because this is one of the big ones.

When you're talking beings,

you know that song if you're talking body, yes.

Well, just substitute body for beings.

And then suddenly you get what I'm talking about because if you're talking beings, this is one of the biggies.

I can't wait.

We have,

and please welcome them to the show.

Death is on the show.

Incredible.

Hi.

Hello.

Hi.

Hi.

Hello.

So nice to meet you.

Nice to see you.

You've been sitting here for a while.

Just hanging.

So sorry.

So nice to meet you.

I had hoped not to meet you quite so soon, if you know what I mean.

You haven't had a TV show for a little while.

Yeah,

you know.

What are we doing here?

Yeah.

Hey, unfortunately, I do have to kill someone at the table today.

That is why I'm here.

I know.

I know.

By the way, I just thought that you were on the show to promote what what you have going on.

Yeah.

Well, I mean, what I have going on is that I do kill people.

That's like what I do.

Yeah, but

I mean, you don't want to just do this for exposure or anything?

Do you have to work while you're?

Oh, well, I mean, look, the thing is, I'm eventually going to kill someone.

I'll just let you know right now.

Don't touch me right now.

You will die.

H.M.

Touch you.

Oh, God.

Don't talk to me.

I was reaching in for the hug for the little half-hug.

Because we know each other.

I'm at the mansion a lot.

Yeah.

You guys were about to do the seven people.

Yeah.

You guys were about to do a bro hug.

Yeah, we were.

I was going in for the bro hug.

Telling the bro it out you're doing like a sort of a over-the-top clasping of hands over the top clasping minimal contact and shoulder area only padding patting of the back a little grunt yeah but thank god you didn't make it yeah no we're also not that good of friends no like uh me and my friends we call you the stinky you have the stinky house guy okay everyone shitting in there everyone shitting in the garden stinky house

yeah yeah

well the shit doesn't stay around that long okay we we sweep we clean that up pretty fast but why doesn't the butler clean the corpses he's not he won't be able able to punch his way out.

He gets stuck, yeah.

So yeah, I do unfortunately do need to kill someone by the end of this, but do you know who you're I do?

Yeah,

so it's it's predetermined.

Yeah, uh-huh.

So we have no free will?

Yeah, pretty much, yeah.

It's basically kind of like I wake up every day and there's like a name in front of my eyeballs, you know, and I just I can't, it doesn't go away until I touch that person.

That's right.

It's horrible.

So wait, this is like Google Glasses?

That's the exact analogy we use is Google Glasses.

Google Glasses.

Yeah, Google Glasses is exactly the analogy analogy we use.

That song you said when you brought me on, that's the song analogy we use as well.

If you're talking about body.

That's right.

Yes, exactly.

Those are the ones.

Gosh,

can I make an observation?

Sure.

You seem so,

dare I say, chill?

Sure.

You have a chill.

Sure.

I mean, JM is a...

HM, rather, sorry.

Oh, God.

Now the vibe's going to shift again.

Oh, yeah.

I was thinking, sorry, I was thinking of my favorite JM, of course, Jersey Mike's.

Oh,

it's a great one.

Get it the jersey.

Let's rank our JMs.

Above Jason Manzucas.

JM Demateis, the comic book writer.

Of course.

Those are the only three I can think of.

Okay.

Well, yeah, I'm pretty chill.

Hi, I'm chill.

Because, you know, I think humans have like a, y'all are really caught up in that death is bad.

You know?

I need to admit what I think.

To me, not that it's.

Anyone who's ever died that I've been close to, I wished it hadn't happened.

Fair.

That's fair.

Right.

You know what I mean?

But it's what I do, right?

Yeah.

So it's kind of like if you, you might think, like, ooh, garbage is stinky but if you're touching garbage all day yeah then it's just kind of what you do yeah yeah you get adjusted to it right and also I'm trying to hey sometimes like this one I got to kill one of you today right but this is fun I'll hang for a little bit let's see what's up let's see how life is I gotta be honest I thought some bad things about you and your profession in the past I'm just gonna come clean with that okay I you know you're a you're a bummer

when you enter someone's situation.

The way you dress, I mean, the most charitable characterization is it's kind of emo and goth.

Oh, well, see, interesting, because I look, I appear to different people on what they want to see

at the end of their life.

Yes, you're seeing emo and goth, and I'm seeing third wave ska.

Right, yes.

Yeah, Amito, what musical genre are you seeing?

I'm seeing a fun little hip-hop girl.

There you go.

Wow.

That's how it is.

Right.

And I think that's reflective of also, I just want to say, apart from them, I am a huge fan of you.

I love what you did with my grandma.

It was so amazing.

Thank you.

There's people in the world that I kind of of would love for you to go visit

after this.

Can I give you names in your Goo-Goo glasses?

I wish it was, it's pretty, we kind of work on the Nick Kroll biggest bush method.

So it's pretty much based on that.

Oh, great.

Yeah.

Oh, so great.

So you're feeling confident.

I'm feeling super confident.

I have to talk to you after this.

Okay, great.

I have a couple people myself that I think, I mean, I just, I really think you change a room.

Like, I think you've, I think you've changed my life, to be honest.

Oh, my God.

Sorry.

Our Our lives are never the same after our loved ones encounter you.

Yeah.

Yeah.

And also, I should say, I think hell has a little bit of a bad rap here on Earth.

It's not torture.

I think people think hell is torture.

And also, it's not the only place you

can go, right?

Sorry, I have to ask.

Whoever you're killing today is going to hell?

Well, maybe not.

I mean, looking at you three, chances are yes, right?

Pretty

two-thirds.

That's a podcaster and a man who murders people in a way.

I don't murder people.

They are free to puzzle.

escape if they're strong enough.

Okay, I guess just making long, annoying puzzles where you can just grab the key anyway feels like a waste of time.

I'm a former TV star.

Okay.

Amova here is a current TV star.

Well, I think that's why I didn't mention her.

You noticed that.

Okay.

Yeah.

I did.

But I mean, we in Hollywood are a kind of a godless bunch.

Right, yeah.

No, I only mention hell because I feel like you guys are hung up on it.

Because I feel like everyone's fine to go to heaven, which is great.

Heaven's great.

But hell isn't bad either.

Hell is kind of like,

it's like

it's hard to put your jacket, the zipper on.

You know?

Oh, that's not

mildly annoying.

Exactly, yeah.

It's a lot of those.

Although, sometimes if I can't zip a jacket, it does eat at me.

And I have trouble thinking of other things while my jacket can't get zipped, and it can ruin a party.

But yeah, you'll eventually get it on.

It'll work.

Oh, you can get it on at the hell?

Oh, yeah.

Or like.

Isn't it hot, though?

Why are you trying to put on a jacket?

Oh, well, it's a little hot, right?

But sometimes you're in your AC and you step outside, you're not sure what the temperature is.

And so you're like, maybe I'll try a jacket.

And you put it on your jacket.

So there's AC in hell?

Oh, yeah.

Yeah, there's, I mean, you can take a vacation in hell.

And you're like, oh my gosh.

Did hell get AC the same time that Earth did?

Like, was that a technology?

Hell had it first, actually.

Hell had it first.

They had a lot of things to do.

What about outhouses?

No.

No.

That was started here.

And then we were like, that's a good idea.

Okay.

Indoor plumbing

was originally on Earth.

That's right.

And we said, let's do that.

So wait, do you hang out in hell a lot?

Sure, yeah, I'll go down there.

I don't mind.

Again, another thing that might happen in hell is like you have a good first date and then you try to schedule a second one and your schedules just aren't matching up, you know, and so you got like all the momentum is lost, and then it's got to be a couple weeks, and then eventually it just kind of falls apart.

A thing that eats at you over time, but not too bad, not too bad.

Honestly, it sounds fun.

It's fun.

Honestly, I haven't dated in so long, it sounds kind of fun.

Yeah, it's way down there.

Exactly.

That's that's exactly it.

Maybe.

I have a rich and varied love life.

Have have dates changed these past 26 years

exactly the same.

They're the exact same thing.

Cool, yeah.

I figured.

Yep.

All of this is covered on adults on FX.

Yes.

That's right.

Yes, yes.

We are covering dating.

We are covering hell.

We have a whole episode where we go there, but it's a different depiction.

Oh, my God.

Yeah.

Okay.

I think it's not very much in your image.

You might feel a little offended by some of the stereotypes.

No problem.

But, I mean, it's some representation.

Am I red?

Because that's actually a good idea.

Wait, are you Satan?

No.

Are you confused about the fact that you might be Satan?

Well, just sometimes.

Sometimes people with death and Satan is the same person.

Right?

I've never thought that.

Yeah, no one's ever thought that.

The death is like a Grim Reaper, kind of a bummer, sort of Christmas future, sort of ghost.

He's like a skeleton-y kind of guy with a bony finger, and then

a Satan.

Satan is like a red guy with a pitchfork.

He's kind of a black guy.

He's poking people in the bud.

Right, I get that.

Mischievous.

I get that.

And we do have one of those guys.

We do have one of those skeleton-y guys.

Yeah, there's four of us that work the job.

There's four deaths?

Yeah, there's four of us.

That's a good code.

How do you split up the territory?

Is it like

I worked at one restaurant, Olive Garden,

in Glendale, where we had one table that was outside on the patio, one in the back room, and then two in different sections of the restaurant.

And that was our section.

It was like, how do you get to, you know, like

you want all your tables close together.

Sure, yeah.

This is a complaint from when you worked at Olive Garden 30 years ago or something?

30, 15, 29.

Oh, my God.

Oh, yeah.

But yeah, so it's the same way.

I assume a manager assigns you that section.

Okay.

It's a similar section.

So do you cover North America?

Yeah, I'll go everywhere.

Yeah, I'll go everywhere.

I mean, because I'm on like a Celestial Commission.

What I'm confused is do you cover North America?

Yeah, I'll go everywhere.

Yeah, so I'll go.

I mean, I don't mind if I'm here.

I don't mind if I'm there.

You don't want to telepath.

You don't want to telephone yourself.

That's not what I'm asking.

Well, I guess maybe maps to you might not mean the same thing to me, you know?

So, like, North America to you might mean something that.

Or is it the type of person.

Do you only deal with hot people?

No, as I can tell from the people in this room I'm about to.

Me, ow.

Just joking.

Just me.

Just joke.

What?

Okay.

Hey, you're safe.

You're already safe.

Oh, thank you.

All right.

Wait, so Ametha's safe?

So it's one of us?

Yeah, Amita's safe.

Look, I know who it's going to be.

None of my characters ever come back.

So I already know.

I know.

This show has to reach at least 20 years.

Well, look, there is one way.

When I go to murder someone at the end of the thing,

if the person has lots of money or has ever been in People magazine, then they can challenge me.

They can do one challenge.

Okay, so Mia Farrow, who was, of course, on the cover of the first issue of People Magazine.

Something everybody knows.

Every 29-year-old knows that.

She will be able to to challenge you.

She can challenge me.

But if they know the rule, I don't tell everyone this.

I'm on a podcast on the bottom.

Mark Homman, been on the cover of People, Famously Sexiest Men Alive.

Sure.

Honestly, Clooney, I would imagine.

You don't even have to be on the cover if you've just been in the pages.

Oh, yeah.

Okay, so that's it.

The stars are just like challenging.

What if, like, you're in an ad for hemorrhoid cream?

Sure.

Sure.

It's in People Magazine.

If you know to challenge me, you can challenge me to one thing.

Okay.

Yep.

Happened to Johnny Depp.

I was supposed to touch him a long time ago, challenge me to

a fish off.

Oh, you get to pick what the the challenge.

They get to pick it up.

Oh, well, that's a lot of power.

I've heard about these.

Yeah, that's right.

And

he jumped in the water and looked exactly like a fish.

Wow.

Well, I didn't expect that's what the competition was.

So it's not catching fish.

Hey, that was a Johnny Depp original.

Portraying a fish.

He nailed it.

Well, that's on the actor, of course, is going to be a good thing.

I mean, he is amazing.

He's a chameleon.

Yeah, he really, really stinks into the role playing.

I love him.

Everything about him.

Listen,

I have a lot of money.

Yeah.

And so if you're coming for me, I just want you to know that I will challenge you.

Great.

Okay.

Yeah.

And it's going to be puzzles.

Great.

And I'm a podcaster, so you know my finances.

So I guess, and I've never been in People Magazine.

Not even a birth announcement or they're dating or look who's.

I don't think there was a birth announcement when I was born in People Magazine.

That would have been something.

1996.

Yeah.

Okay.

Yeah, that was a big year for people.

They were shouting at everyone died.

I didn't say anything about you.

Yeah, and we don't know about my second season.

Okay.

Yeah.

So

it sounds to me like like I'm hoping that HM is the person you come here to die because he's the one.

It's almost definitely going to be me.

I mean, I certainly would be the crowd favorite to be murdered.

Hey, Death, let me give you a hint.

It's the key, okay?

Oh.

It's the key.

Yes.

It's a much harder puzzle when I challenge you, Death.

But

do we want to get to it?

I want to see a challenge.

Oh.

Yeah.

Okay, just know if I touch someone, they're going to die.

No, but someone can challenge you.

Oh, sure, yeah.

Well, if

first.

Do you give people an opportunity to challenge you before you touch them?

Well, normally I don't tell anyone that.

It's if they they know the rules and they ask the questions.

Okay, well, HM is challenging you right now.

I challenge you.

Okay.

Dang it.

I challenge you.

Was it me?

Yeah, it's going to be you.

Here's my finances.

So the opposite of a shaggy.

It was you.

That's right.

Wait, what?

It wasn't me.

It was you.

The opposite of the shaggy.

What a better version of that song.

So you're like clean cut.

Yeah,

I'm clean cut, the weirdo version of shaggy.

Yes.

And instead of it wasn't me, it was me.

Wow.

All right.

Well, we have a challenge.

And again, I just want to say,

if you go to heaven, cool.

It's like Saturday all the time up there.

Nice and easy.

Okay.

Easy way to describe it.

Hell, not so bad.

Just like a cricket in your bedroom.

So you're telling me you're kind of trying to talk me out of the challenge.

Well, I'm just saying that, hey, you know.

Neither sounds that appealing.

Oh, really?

Yeah, like a cricket in your bedroom or just, it's just whatever.

Like, I

would much rather stay here on Earth.

Wouldn't you?

H-M?

I would much rather stay here on Earth.

Saturday all the time.

This is where your puzzles in your mansion are.

My mansion is waiting for me.

When you get to heaven, do you get the same, like,

or at least the same value of a house?

You know what I mean?

So, if you have a mansion here on earth, then you get a mansion up in heaven or whatever.

In fact, you actually get a better one.

Isn't that nice?

And does your bank account transfer into heaven bucks?

It doesn't, and it doesn't even matter, but it's there for you.

If you just want to look at it, if you want to log in and

U.S.

Bank or Wells Fork, yeah, it's like a Saturday.

Everything's like communism where we all have to, we all have to wear each to his own abilities according to.

Honestly, we don't even consider it.

Okay.

It is.

It very much is, but we don't even think about it, right?

Wow.

Because it's just like a Saturday.

Let's get to this challenge.

The Saturday available is linked to everything.

Yeah, that's heaven.

Heaven's kind of like a Saturday, you know?

Saturday.

Yep.

We don't have the rights to this.

Oh, sorry.

Sorry.

I don't have $50,000 to bleep you.

Well, we could change it.

Saturday.

Boom.

In heaven.

Every day is a Saturday.

That's the same melody.

Is that what they sue?

Okay, well,

we'll change the melody and have a look at the same situation.

Oh, I thought they said that.

Everybody get up.

Saturday.

We don't have to sing it.

Everybody said it up.

We don't have to change it to anything.

Singing is not a requirement on this.

If we did want to sing that song, we changed the melody and the words, then you're safe.

Then I'd be okay with it.

All right.

I'm walking on

Saturday.

You've changed it to another song that exists.

Walking on Saturday.

It wasn't me.

Can we get to this challenge?

Sure.

Okay.

So,

you're in a room.

If I touch you, you die.

I got it.

Okay.

And here's the challenge.

You can't touch me.

He's challenging you.

You can't touch it.

No, no, I'm just saying.

Just watch out because he's swinging that arm, pointing it up at two fingers.

Gesticulate.

It's a classy thing.

There it goes.

Almost touched me.

Okay, sorry, sorry, sorry.

Thank you for the warning.

Okay, puzzle.

You're in a room.

Okay.

And there are...

Okay, there are keys in the room, but I'm going to tell you right now, that's not the answer to the puzzle.

Okay.

But I just, it's a kind of an OCD thing.

I, you know, whatever.

You've got to put the keys out.

Yeah.

There's five coins, four keys, three gems.

Doesn't matter.

Can you be lying?

I would not lie about puzzles, okay?

But I'm just telling you, you're in a room,

five coins, four keys, three gems.

And on a piece of wood is inscribed this.

The goats are all getting really into yoga.

You know they're not Roman because they don't have a toga.

If you keep picking oysters, you might find a pearl.

I hope season three of Severance is good.

I'm punching through that wall.

It was an AABC.

What?

I'm punching through the wall.

How strong are you?

Unlimited.

Oh, really?

Yeah.

Unlimited strength.

Unlimited strength.

I don't think God could create a boulder that he couldn't lift.

I've seen it.

Wow.

He did it.

Don't speak in paradox.

It freaks me out.

Is that the solution?

I mean, it would work.

Yes, it would work.

It wasn't the solution, but if you're able to punch through a wall, that sort of solves any room in my house.

Yes, okay, that does solve it.

Okay.

The real solution was you take one of the keys and open the door.

You said it was

lied.

You lied.

The puzzle was lying.

All right.

The puzzle was lying.

Sorry, but I gotta cut you.

Can I get out?

Gotta just settle my affairs.

Settle my affairs.

Let him settle his affairs.

I want to hear last words.

Yeah.

Plus, we have a whole other segment to go.

Oh, we have another segment.

Okay, yeah.

Then we'll hang out and then I'll cut you and kill you at the end of the segment.

Well, how's that sound?

Is that a fair

exchange?

Very gracious of you, yes.

Oh, and we get to witness his dad.

See it.

That's magical.

See the light go out in his eyes.

I'm going to air dap you.

Oh, watch it.

Okay, I'm staying clear.

I'm staying clear.

All right.

Well, we need to take a break.

Why?

Because that's the format of the show.

We have two.

I love formats.

Okay, HM.

So you're a format guy as well.

Okay.

I love.

So you're a vibes format duck guy.

You just say the word, I'll touch this guy.

Okay.

He's coming home.

Thank you.

We need to take a breath

and take a break.

But everyone take a breath as we take a break.

And

Amita, I know you have to go, but when we come back, we're going to have a substitute teacher.

So this is very exciting.

So thanks so much, Amita.

Great to meet you.

Thank you.

Bye, Amita.

When we come back, we're going to have a substitute teacher.

Plus, death is going to kill this eccentric multi-millionaire.

This is an exciting episode of Comedy Bang Bang.

We'll be right back after this.

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I mean, they're two...

One's two words and one's one word, first of all.

That's confusing right off the bat.

And then they're totally different letters, although the A's, there still are two A's, but the G and the M, those aren't in Wayfair and the W and the

Y is in both.

I mean, this is pretty similar, actually.

Game day, Wayfair.

I mean, you might think about it, but one reason you should is because Wayfair, right?

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Kulop ordered a bunch of holiday stuff.

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Comedy Bang Bang, we're back.

We had Ametha Rao from Adults on FX, but

had to take off, unfortunately, because very busy with a

busy schedule as a TV star.

I remember those days.

Oh, let's take you from here to here.

Oh, this interview, that interview.

You did a lot of press for your show?

Yeah, I did my line.

I did, yeah, a lot of my share, which was how much you were great at it.

You know,

some days were better than others, but I tried to never turn down many requests.

You know who'd be bad is the character Black Bolt for Marvel Comics.

He can't speak.

Yeah, he can't speak, but he can sign.

Are you trying to say that people who

are hearing impaired or cannot speak

are bad or lesser than when they give interviews?

No, of course.

I really want you to kill this guy.

Yeah.

Time to see it.

But you know what?

You know what?

We still have another segment to go.

So let's get to our next guest.

She's a substitute teacher.

Please welcome for the first time, Midge Sinks.

Hello.

Hello.

Hello.

Hi.

Hi.

It's so great to meet you.

It's so nice being here.

This is H.M.

Rosemont.

He's an eccentric multi-millionaire.

Hello.

As you were.

H.M., I am such a fan of your money.

I've been watching this from the corner, and I just want to say, you know, we don't make what you guys make and we deserve it.

And then Death is over here.

Hello.

Hello.

Hello.

Hello.

I think you're really going to like what I have to show you.

Oh, wow.

Okay.

Fun.

Well, you're going to show Death.

Wow.

Okay, great.

Well, you're a substitute teacher.

Do you mind me asking a little bit about your background?

No, no, not at all.

Okay, so where do you teach?

I teach at Wells High School in Tennessee.

Wells?

Okay, who's that?

Is that H.G.

Wells?

Is that Wells, the bartender from The Bachelor in Paradise?

It's H.G.

It's H.G.

Oh, it's HG.

It's H.G.

Wells Wells middle school.

I am a, yes, I am a very popular substitute teacher there.

I perform puppet shows.

I have a very close relationship to all the kids.

I mean,

I don't want to speak too highly of this, but I will say my puppet shows are very incredible, and you are represented.

That's what I said you would be.

I had pushed back almost immediately

in my time at private school, which I understand is a bit of a different affair.

Private school is a very good question.

Was this a military school as well?

It was a military branch.

Oh, I've done a a preparatory academy.

A preparatory academy of the highest.

You've done the military school?

I've done military schools, yeah.

Oh, oh.

You've substitute taught at military schools?

Yeah, yeah.

I see.

Oh, okay.

I didn't know they had substitute teachers that could just come in and teach.

I mean, I.

If you're trained with a gun.

Oh, are you trained with a gun?

Yeah, of course.

What kind of gun?

I mean, do you own?

Are you a gun owner?

Yeah, yeah.

I got machine.

I got AK, I got everything.

You got machine?

Those are the guns I know, yeah.

Machine and AK.

Yeah, I'm sure you're familiar with that one.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I believe there's been an uptick in your business lately with those once those were invented.

Oh my god, I'm sure.

Well, interesting.

The pushback was just that in my time in education, the substitute teacher was rarely someone who was popular.

If anything, they were an object of ridicule.

Well, we liked a substitute teacher, as I recall, because it was like we could take a break for the day.

Maybe a movie, perhaps.

Yeah, they'd roll in the old AV card.

Yeah, I mean, I would say I would agree.

Which these days is like, oh, okay, let me press play on my

tablet.

So many screens.

I never do stuff like that.

I keep it all live.

All live.

And that's why the kids love me so much.

I honestly think I was replaced because I was lack too much.

I was technically substituted with another teacher.

I was a main teacher, and then I was substituted.

That's why I am now a substitute teacher.

Oh, wait, wait, wait.

So you were an actual teacher.

Yes.

And then you got fired?

I don't think I would use that word now.

Did it go substitute to teacher to substitute again, or did you start teacher?

Now you're substituting?

I started teaching.

They substituted me out.

Okay.

Okay, so you've been substituted, but now you're substituting.

Yes.

I think I wrap myself.

So yeah, yeah, I'm no longer legally allowed to perform as a full-time teacher.

Wow.

Why are you legally allowed to perform as a substitute?

Yes.

What a, what a nuanced, strange loophole.

Here's one weird trick.

Yeah, yeah.

I'm allowed to be around the kids for short periods of time.

They were afraid I would change their psychology if I spent the whole day with them because I was changing them.

I was, you know,

my puppet show, it was an iteration of the creation story, a new iteration, mine.

And the children were really taken to it.

They loved it and they started to go home.

They started to believe.

They started to act different.

And, you know, people don't like to see children change.

People don't like to see the world become a better place.

So, so you're hired as a substitute teacher, and this is an elementary school, elementary to middle, elementary to middle, and you're required or supposed to teach various subjects.

Mathematics.

Yes.

The others.

Yeah.

And instead, you're doing puppet shows about the creation of

the world?

Okay, so it is

the creation of the world.

It's a take on Adam and Eve.

What is it?

Adam and Steve.

Oh, my God.

No, it's Yoko and John.

And it is a story about how if you marry the wrong woman, you could get shot in the head.

Wait, so the

story of John Lennon, who

you're basing this on the story story of John Lennon and they were nude.

I didn't copy it.

They were nude on the Rolling Stone magazine.

Does that count?

Can anyone who was in Rolling Stone challenge?

It has to be people, unfortunately.

It has to be people.

And from that nude photo, you do know the bush was pretty big back then.

It's powerful.

Yeah.

Yeah.

So they were nude, so I can see the temptation.

Yes, exactly.

Just the way Eve was tempted by the apple.

Exactly.

And you see, and children were drawn to this same thing.

They were drawn to this story of temptation and loss.

They started to, you know, know, the boys started to stay away from the girls, which is how we like it.

Yes, yes.

I mean, it's a cautionary tale because I.

You're saying that the person who is shot deserved it because they married the wrong woman?

In your story?

In God's story.

Are you a Beatles fan?

I don't.

I mean, I think their music is fun.

Like,

how many Beatles albums do you own?

I don't own any of their albums.

People are always telling me that this sounds like the Beatles story.

I think, to be honest, I was born with this story.

I started doing the puppy shows when I was four or five.

And yeah,

I don't think it.

Do you happen to listen to a podcast called Screw It, Let's Just Talk About the Beatles?

Oh,

no, yeah, yeah.

Okay, so you're...

Well, you definitely heard of it because it's a super popular podcast that a very cool person runs.

Interesting because you seem to be completely unaffected by the Beatles whatsoever, but you listen to a specific podcast that only talks about them.

I put on podcasts in the background so I can hear people talk all day.

I can't hear the words.

Granted, too.

It's like noise.

It's a common affliction, yeah.

Did you know that John Lennon is a member of the group, The Beatles, and that Yoko Ono was his wife?

I knew about that because I started to get comments post the play.

But you didn't know about that when you first started doing it.

There were just a couple of new weirdos to you?

Yeah, I mean, they were always on, they were on everything, they were naked and they made their fun music.

But yeah, no, no.

Question for you.

You've been doing the same puppet show since you were four?

Mm-hmm.

Okay.

Sometimes you're born with a story and you say it from the day you're born.

Wow.

I mean, I'm sure you feel that.

You wake up with a call-in one day.

I'm like, you had a call-in.

Every day.

I have to say, Midge sinks.

Midge sinks, yes.

And I certainly didn't have to look down at my notes to remember that, but it's.

No, no, it's telling.

You don't remember a substitute teacher.

You remember H.M.

Morton.

You remember

H.M.

Rosemont?

And no one's actually gotten it right anytime they've said it, by the way.

H.M.

The salt person?

Yeah, you own the salt.

I do not own the salt empire, though I would be proud to.

But it seems to me like you're not really a teacher.

You're like a puppeteer.

You know what I mean?

What do you think puppet shows do?

I would imagine that there's some sort of

educational or perhaps edutainment aspects to a puppet show.

But,

you know, if I were to hire you to come into my elementary to middle school to teach or to substitute teach, I would expect you to cover the basics, the RRR, you know, reading.

Writing.

That's a double rooming.

But sorry, what was the rooming?

Reading, writing, rooming.

Rooming.

Yeah.

We can cover that in the show.

Okay.

And RRR, the

RRR.

The movie.

Yeah.

Oh, you guys have seen that movie?

Yes.

Yeah.

Great movie.

Netflix.

Yeah, fine.

Oh, wow.

Wow.

I would credit Netflix.

I mean, it's on Netflix.

100%.

To the credit of Netflix.

Don't touch them.

Just say the word don't touch him.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

You agreed.

You agreed.

Giving Netflix all the credit for RRR.

I have a 10 gentle question.

Yeah, please.

Where do you stand on bathroom passes?

Like, can students go to the bathroom anytime they want?

They raise their hands.

Not during the show.

Do you make them go in the yard or are you like in the corner?

I mean, I personally prefer corner, but I'm totally fine with the yard.

I see where you're coming from.

Yes, I totally understand.

I mean, honestly, if I could have a house with no bathrooms, I hate the way that smells.

That's the thing.

Like, any house you go into, you're like, oh, wow, look at this is a gorgeous house.

But then there's this room where people shit in it horrible it's like it's like the uh fertility clinics like you go in there and go like wow all you fancy doctors oh is this the room that everyone jacks off in

are you all right yeah sorry um

what's going on no no i've just um i have a hard time with fertility clinics i just tried to bomb a few of them oh

you're a real religious person.

Yes, you showed it's me you want to come well I don't know I'm taking information here.

I'm learning I didn't try to bomb them because I was against

artificial insemination.

I just think they were doing it at the wrong place.

Oh, yeah.

I have a fertility clinic in my basement.

I see.

So you would prefer people come to your basement or you just think that.

Like, well, what is the issue with the location of these fertility?

Oh, well, I just don't think they're.

Well, my whole thing is like...

In the same way, I was born with a story of creation.

I was also born with a story of who should be created.

And I am doing that in my basement, and it's dinner and show, girls.

You get inseminate and you get a puppet show.

Wow.

So

what's for dinner?

Dinner is lots of eggs.

Lots of eggs?

Like, when I hear dinner and a show, I'm thinking at least a chicken.

Yeah, I'm thinking, do I want to bring a date there?

Is this the place?

It's whole eggs.

Hey, whole eggs.

Like still in their shell?

Boiled.

Whole boiled eggs.

Is it like a play on the eggs of fertility and the eggs?

Oh, I thought it was kind of fun.

I don't know.

But a a lot of them.

Does that have your basement restaurant slash puppet show fertility clinic have a name?

Yeah, it's Midge Sinks Cafe.

Okay, so nothing to do with Mid Link.

Interesting.

Nobody really knows about the show or anything.

I mean, you should come down to Midge Sinks Cafe.

I mean, we could get muffins.

Has anyone ever said, like, where are the muffins?

Or I didn't think this would be a fertility clinic.

Yeah, we've gotten that one.

What are all these eggs, whole boiled eggs doing here?

We've definitely gotten that one.

But then people start to eat the eggs.

People go under.

And, you know, they really come come around when they come up.

Go under, meaning you're sedating.

Oh, no.

Sedating them.

We've thought about that.

Been to Australia to death.

Sure, yeah.

I'm trying to get part of my map.

Trying to get my on exactly where your

coverage is.

Yeah, my coverage.

It's a little bit here, a little bit there, depending where they send me.

I don't know.

I mean, this, this,

I mean, look, I got to say, H.M.

I called you eccentric mainly because you wanted to be introduced that way.

Thank you.

But I have to say, Midge Sinks, you're possibly even more eccentric thank you than hm rosemont himself i think you got the name right i mean if you need another eccentric in your house i am great at a puzzle uh girls you're good at puzzles we'll see if you can run the game another puzzle uh

please i'm a teacher of course i'm good at puzzles give me a second okay

oh you're getting your dolls out too your puppets yeah

oh the puppets are gonna that's a that's a nude john lennon yeah okay okay and a nude yoko

well and wait till you see the nude gun that he's about to bring out in second act.

Spoiler.

He gets killed by a gun, though, right?

So he brings it up.

This is like a naked gun reference because of the reboot is coming out this summer.

Taking a reboot naked gun?

Yeah.

You haven't seen the trailer?

I saw the whole thing.

Akiva Schaufer, our good friend.

He directed it.

Yeah.

Dan Gregor and

Doug Band.

Really?

Yeah.

Yeah, they wrote it.

Come on, man.

Oh, I have to see it.

I know you're an eccentric multi-millionaire who's just in his mansion all day doing puzzles, but keep up on the latest Hollywood Insider.

My apologies.

I'll try to stay up to date on the Naked Gun Reboot News.

Oh, right.

My bad.

I'll ready for a puzzle.

Okay, you're in a room.

I'm in a room.

And here, and written on the wall is this poem.

The horses all want to make the perfect cupcake, but they need the right-sized bowl, for goodness sake.

Let's all go easier on Revenge of the Sith.

Okay, I want to touch this man right now.

Yeah.

And what's that on my shoe?

Oops, I spit.

So is that A minus?

That's a real imperfect rhyme.

Yeah, what was that?

A I mean, I think he's going for an AAB, but it's more of a

C and a half.

Yeah, B and a half.

Yeah, definitely.

B minus.

I'm so sorry.

Can you repeat that word?

The horses all want to make the perfect cupcake, but they need the right size bowl, for goodness sake.

Let's all go easier on revenge of the Sith.

What's that on my shoe?

Oops, I spit.

Sith and spit.

That's the one we're kind of

rubbing.

15 coins.

Now, you've said you're good at puzzles.

One gem sinks.

Two gems.

It's the game.

No hint.

Wait.

It's the game.

Let's midge.

I appreciate the hints, but I could have solved it on my own.

And I actually am going to have the puppet solve it for me.

Okay.

See?

Let's hear how the Liverpool accent is because I don't think you should be doing the other voice.

I can do it.

Yeah, maybe you can.

You should hear my other story.

My other creation story is a different one.

Another take on Adam and Eve.

It's Blanca and Ruiz.

And I do very good voices for them as well.

I think.

I think.

Aubest.

I feel like I'm in the Aubest.

Think they still.

It's a gun.

And that feels like skinny.

I've been transported to.

And that's Yoko.

The winds of the port are blowing over.

Pointed at me husband's head.

Oh, my God.

That man's about to kill me husband.

No.

No.

Australian middle school.

No, no,

no.

No.

Oh, my God.

He's shooting.

He's shooting.

He's going to shoot my husband, but he's taking out a key.

Yes, it's the, it's the key.

Wow.

What are you here?

You are good.

Wow.

You are good.

I was by the door listening in, trapping my show.

Wow.

Incredible.

Wow.

Well, this is, this is,

you know, Midge, I have to say, you're, you're an eccentric, but you have a certain sense of bizazza.

I just

can't help, but really really appreciate it.

Thank you.

The school system does not agree, but you hire me, and I will bring that to any room I bring in.

Well, I doubt I'm going to hire you.

I'll hire you.

Why is that?

I'll

you may work in the mansion, especially if I'm going to be dead.

You are.

I will bequeath the puzzle mansion to you, Ms.

Sinks.

Okay, if you say it on a podcast, it has to be true.

I understand.

Because everything I've said on any podcast is true.

This has got the Asif Ali level of integrity, meaning that I'll stand by my word.

All right.

And I bequeath the Rosemont Puzzle Mansion to you, Midge Sinks, upon my death.

Wow.

Incredible.

Wow.

Are there conditions?

Does Midge Sinks have to keep the puzzles up?

I guess I forgot to say that, but I would, you know, kind of gently.

It's like when you sell a house, you're like, you know, they should be able to do whatever they want, but sometimes you don't want to sell it to them because it's like, oh, you're going to change the architecture style.

This is like a closing.

Of course, I'd like all the puzzles to stay, but I admit that I forgot to say that.

So

I acknowledge.

Oh, a deal's a deal.

I'd put a bathroom in the first room, honestly.

That's what I would do.

I know, but honestly.

You just change the foil you're in.

Yeah, I understand where that's coming from, but I see what you're saying.

I don't like the smell inside, and

I would respect the integrity of that decision, especially if I have a butler.

Who cares?

You get a butler.

Oh, does the butler come with it?

Comes at the house.

Of course, last sentence.

Who's paying for the butler, though?

Oh, you'll have to pay out of the...

Well,

this is like an extreme home makeover situation where they build you a huge house, but then the taxes on it, you can't even afford.

Can you afford a butler?

Obviously not.

I've been doing puppet shows in the park since I've lost my job.

There's an endowment that's doing HM.

This is like Oprah giving everyone cars and they couldn't afford the insurance on the cars.

It's the same thing.

He gave it to me.

He gave it to me.

It's just

a different way of phrasing what I'm saying.

I'm sad.

I've given a house.

It'll be fine.

I worked out the logistics.

Listen to me.

I'm going to redo the whole thing.

I'll keep some puzzles, but I'm going to update the whole.

I'm going to renovate it with the Midge Sync style.

Okay.

Puppet shows in the foyer.

Puppet shows in the back.

Why did I do this?

Last room.

I should have left it to my wife.

She's going to be puppet shows and guns.

Oh, my God.

Puppet shows and guns.

Your wife?

I have a wife.

I should have

called her.

I blew it.

Mitch, also, let me tell you, your creation story, half right.

It's half right.

Wow.

Yeah.

I was there.

That's about 50% of it.

The accent was the perfect.

Thank you.

Thank you.

I've been practicing that.

The kids really like it.

How long did Adam and Eve live to?

Oh, Adam, not that long.

But Eve for quite some time.

Because he was born at probably like, when I think of Adam, I think of him as like a cuts, like six-pack.

Yeah, he was very

focused on his body.

Like, he's 20-something.

That's the point, yeah.

27.

Yeah, yeah.

The point's his body.

His youth and his body.

Yeah, once he turned 27, I honestly stopped caring what he was doing.

Yeah, he wasn't too.

I mean, didn't he get shot in the head?

He did, yes.

He did.

That was part of it.

And I also fell off number five on the call sheet.

So

he started as one when you end on five.

You know, it's not going to go well for him.

Well, Death, I'm going to ask you to hold.

I know you're getting very close to HM right now.

I'm going to ask you to hold off just a little bit longer.

Come on.

While we are running out of time on this show, we do have time for one final feature, and that's a little something called plugs.

Plugs.

Jesus fucking Christ.

God damn it.

All right.

That was My House is Full of Bees and I Don't Have a Hive by Permo.

Thank you, Permo.

Thank you, Permo.

A lot of dynamics is the best thing I can say about that song.

But

what would you see if that song was death?

If what?

Oh, death.

Oh, I thought you said that.

If that song was death.

I mean, in a way.

I thought that was a new slang thing.

Is that a question that you ask people?

What would you see if that song was death?

Yeah.

Oh, I didn't know that.

Well, I mean,

earlier, I was thinking about that when I.

Yeah, what do you see death as?

You saw your email a little bit.

Because Ametha saw death as a hip-hop girl.

Yeah.

Yeah, how am I presenting to you?

You look.

You look just like my mom.

Oh, that's so sweet.

You look just like my mom.

What was your mom?

She was in an ACDC cover band.

Oh, wow.

What was the band called?

I have to ask.

Tourette's.

Okay, they went a different way.

You played as a pun on one of the balls.

One of the band's songs or

shy way to well.

No, no.

They didn't want to be expected.

They want to surprise the people.

I noticed that about you and your family.

Yeah, the marketing is a little bit off.

Well, off is a rude thing to say, but off, I mean, different.

Okay.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I think we like to be unexpected.

I mean, everything you see nowadays is so curated.

Everything you see is so tailored for your eye.

It's like the algorithm

tells us we have to recognize a godless thing.

The algorithm.

Hey, we're in the middle of plugs.

What are we plugging here?

I know

Midge Sinks.

Do you want to plug anything?

Do you have any TV shows that you're watching?

The only thing I have to plug is that the story you're being told by the government and the world at large is not true.

You can come into my basement.

I will fill you with the seed of the man you're supposed to be with, and I will tell you the truth of the world.

Also, I know my name sounds like Midge Stinks, but do not say that.

If you do, I can legally shoot you in the head.

Okay.

On your property, maybe.

But are you watching adults on FX?

I watch it on FX.

Oh, Effects.

Yes.

Yeah, of course.

FX.

I don't watch FX.

That is a weird channel.

I'll let you plug it if you want.

Okay.

I guess if you want, you could watch Adults.

There's the blog.

There's the blog.

But what's next?

Kids?

Like, I saw that movie already.

No, I don't know.

You know what I mean?

It's like, what's the escalation on this?

Where's it going to go?

I don't know.

Where do we go with this?

Why do you want to watch kids?

That's the thing.

I stayed away from that movie.

Yeah.

That's the thing.

Well, you just said you saw it.

Yeah.

You're kind of walking back from your answer.

And, Death, what do you want to plug?

Well, I'm a huge, I got some free time, you know, trying to chase people down, touch them, whatnot, kill them.

Where exactly, by the way, what's your route?

Yeah, depending on where they send me, you know,

right.

But I've been a big fan of Holy Shit Improv.

You can watch it online.

They're based in LA, but you can watch them anywhere.

And they're doing some summer touring.

In June, they're going to Houston on the 26th, Austin on the 27th, and Dallas on the 29th.

That's with Comedian Clash.

It's going to be a blast.

Go check that out.

That sounds like a huge three-day tour.

It's a huge four days that they have one day where they're not touring.

A travel day?

Just a hangout in an Austin day, really.

Not exactly sure.

It doesn't seem economical.

No, honestly,

whoever planned this, not the best planner but it's gonna be a fun time and then they're going to europrov in vienna austria uh that's july 25th that's where falco's from the 27th which falco oh you know the one who sang uh rock mehammed days oh okay yes of course of course it was a huge hit for like three weeks in 1987 but you you i'm sure you you got him eventually unless it was one of your four co-workers yep no that's part of my territory as i clearly let out earlier um so europrov.com check that out and then lastly they'll be in

edinburgh uh July 30th through August 10th at Gilded Balloons Patter House.

And just all these shows are having comedy bang bang favorites on them.

So go check out those things.

Holy shit, improv.

You're going to love it.

This sounds like an amazing time at the theater.

Wow.

All right.

H.M.

Rosemont, I would imagine you don't have much to plug because I don't have much to plug because I'm about to die.

I would love to plug my puzzle mention.

Puggle?

My puzzle mansion?

There's no point.

That's like a word joke.

I'll continue.

I'll continue to plug your mansion.

Okay, I appreciate it.

And I guess if you're looking for a podcast besides this one and you like the Beatles, screw it.

We're just going to talk about the Beatles is a fine podcast that my dear friend Will Hines.

That guy?

Well,

he's an upstanding individual.

I mean, he's, you know, he's got real lukewarm takes.

He's hard to get offended by.

But anyway, if you like the Beatles, that podcast I recommend.

All right.

Well, I want to plug, hey, head over to CBB World and you can get the entire archive of Comedy Bang Bang ad-free.

That's every episode we've ever done, all 900 and whatever number this is of them, plus all of the live episodes we've done.

That's over a thousand episodes of Comedy Bang Bang that you can get over there.

Plus, we have new shows like CBB Presents, where people from Comedy Bang Bang have their own show.

We have Scott Hasn't Seen, where I watch terrible kids movies, it seems like, every week.

And we talk about it with Sprague the Whisperer.

Plus, we have the neighborhood listen, College Town, so much more over there.

And it's pretty inexpensive.

So head over to cbbworld.com and you can check it out there.

All right, let's close up the old plug back.

I didn't.

You plugged things.

All right, that was We Can't See You by W.T.

Bond.

Ooh, another two-initial guy.

I love him.

Us two initial guys, we hang out.

Yeah, better than one initial guys like Michael J.

Fox.

Who needs it?

Yeah.

Go all the way.

Yeah.

Just call yourself MJF.

MJ Fox.

No, that's a name.

MJF.

Okay, yeah.

All three.

Why not?

FDR.

FDR.

Three initials, great.

Yeah.

LBJ.

R-F-K.

R-F-K.

R-K.

Somebody adjacent, who we're married to.

Yes.

We protect our own.

Yes.

Guys, I want to thank you so much.

Gosh, I wish Amita were here so I could thank Ametha, but unfortunately.

Do you mind passing on my pleasure at having Amita on?

Yeah.

If you happen to see.

I can find her.

You can find her.

Okay.

I have a very robust system.

Well, I do want to thank you, Midge Synx.

Thank you.

Such a pleasure to have you on.

I got to admit, you're a little bit weird.

You are going to die today.

Wow.

Death, is that true?

Not true.

Come on, girl.

I'm sorry.

Not true.

Come on.

Death always great to see you, but I hope I don't see you again for quite some time.

Okay, well, I'll let you know.

We'll have fun either way.

Hell's not that bad.

It's like playing taboo when you say a word on the cards.

You know, you assume that Scott's going to hell to prep him for that.

Of course.

Everyone is, I guess.

But and then H.M.

Rosemont, hey.

A life well-lived.

I guess.

It's his own reward.

I guess it's all right.

I'm going to have to look at it that way.

Yes.

Thank you.

Everyone, remember the last thing he said was made fun of Michael J.

Fox's name.

No, no, no.

why is he screaming?

What is he dying of?

Yeah.

Oh, well, I had him poop from the inside.

Oh, and he just went up through the middle.

How I run a karmic punishment.

Yeah, wow.

It's like rain on your wedding day.

It's a lot like that, in a way.

Can we sing that one?

Yeah.

All right, well, rest in peace, H.M.

Rosemont.

And to the rest of you, we'll see you next week.

Thanks.

Bye.

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