Bonus Bang: Jason Mantzoukas, Mary Holland, Tim Baltz (Teenage Dirtbag)

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Hey everyone, this is Scott Auckerman, and welcome to another Bonus Bang, where we re-release great episodes of Comedy Bang Bang from behind the paywall.

This week we are continuing with our Teenage Dirtbags series featuring some of the fun teenage characters we've had on the show.

And this week, it is Jennifer Spot, played by Mary Holland.

Jennifer Spot is a high school student running for student body president at Hindenburg High School.

And she has a really interesting platform, which we're going to hear about.

This episode was titled Who CB Beefed, originally released on June 29th, 2017.

It also features Jason Manzukas and Tim Baltz, who you may know from The Righteous Gemstones, as Jason Turley, an adult coloring bookmaker.

Adult coloring bookmaker.

Okay, well, if you enjoyed this episode and you want to hear the other episodes featuring Jennifer Spot, become a subscriber at CBBWorld.com.

We have all of the past episodes.

All in the archives.

Plus, we have every live show we've ever done, add-free new episodes, bonus shows like CBB Presents and Scott Hasn't Seen, so much stuff over there.

We're going to be back Monday with a new episode of Comedy Bang Bang, but until then, enjoy this bonus bang.

mine, come and be my

final I hope my final words are avoid the noid.

Welcome to Comedy Bang Bang.

I hope they are too.

You're hoping my final words are soon.

Spoken to me.

Wait, are you going to have your hands around my neck?

Perhaps.

Welcome to Comedy Bang Bang.

Thank you to Tom Lucky for that lucky catchphrase submission.

Boo.

You don't like.

Word play already?

Now, you're not going to be a critic of the show.

No.

Gauging.

You're not going to assign letter grades.

You're just going to boo.

It's pass-fail with you.

It is.

It really is.

By the way.

Hey.

By the way,

this is a bonus episode.

Special emergency.

Bonus.

Can I do that?

No, we don't.

Am I allowed to do that?

No, you're not allowed to do that.

That's for one person only.

I'm not allowed to do that.

No, sir.

My apologies to the person who owns that catchphrase.

If on Monday's episode we were balls deep in June,

now we've stuck the balls directly inside the vagina in June, because we're at the very end of the month.

month.

We're just cramming those balls right on in there.

We are indeed because

shoving them in special emergency session.

Oh

boy.

This may be the first time you've spoken today.

Are you wasting time?

I went to your premiere last night.

Yeah, I got fucked up.

Yeah, bro.

Special emergency session of Comedy Bang Bang.

I'm Scott Ackerman, your host, and we have a very special guest across the pond from me, if this table is a pond.

Interesting.

Jason Manzukas,

star, and above the title, I was surprised to see this.

At least of the one poster.

Oh, oh, oh, oh.

One poster I saw.

Yep, okay, great.

Above the title for the upcoming movie out this Friday, the house, Jason Manzoukas is here.

Hello, Scotty J-Dog.

How are you, my friend?

I am, don't worry about it.

I haven't seen that poster.

I have to see that poster.

Kulop took a picture of it.

Oh, good.

Never send it to me.

My future wife, Kulop.

Yes, you're holding stacks of money.

Nice.

Oh, yeah.

Amy is holding cards.

Great.

And Will.

We're on message.

We're on message.

Will had nothing to hold.

I don't know.

Nope, nope.

There was no other plot.

Not a lot of people know this, but Will Farrell doesn't hold things in pictures.

He doesn't.

Nope.

He really makes him uncomfortable.

And now that I'm thinking about it, every single time I've seen a movie of his.

You'll never see him holding anything.

He's never held anything.

And a lot of times he's framed so that his hands are below screen.

Below the candy can.

Why is that?

You know, you have to ask him.

Some sort of Bob Dole situation.

You have to ask him in his weird hand thing.

By the way, don't ask him about it, though.

Oh, okay.

i'm thinking about the elf he never held a candy cane never held anything else

never held anything an elf that's so strange and a lot of times if you see him holding something it's like a hand reaching from below frame that you assume sort of like that you assume is his sort of like marty mcfly's back to the future hand that disappeared totally he has one of those hand guys

Like Eddie Murphy has a bot total body.

Total body double.

Anything other than the close-up.

Correct.

He's another guy.

But Will has a hand guy.

Hand guy?

No, I have a hand guy myself.

So So that's a totally different thing.

What is it?

He gives me hand jobs, Jason.

Great.

And

jobs are on the rise.

By the way, ever since Trump got noticed.

Employment is going great.

Those jobs numbers are really great.

Jason, let's talk about the house because as far as I know, this is your first film since The Dictator.

Great.

And

two movies, one career.

I saw this last night.

You were kind enough to invite me to the premiere.

Of course.

As one of my dearest friends,

I would have been heartbroken if you hadn't come.

Would you really?

Of course, I would have cried.

I would have wept.

This was your big night.

I would have sat on one of those weird leather sofas at the party and just wept.

That would have been so sad.

I'm so glad I came.

I had no idea that any of that was going on.

I just casually said, oh, yeah, I may as well go.

Exactly.

Class story of our relationship.

I was at the premiere of this film last night, and I have to say,

I didn't know what to expect.

Yep.

Were you expecting a movie?

No, I was not.

So you really

had no idea.

You had no idea what to expect.

No, absolutely not.

When they informed me it was a movie, I was pleasantly surprised.

I am a casual acquaintance to film.

Yep.

And

all I had seen were the posters.

Sure.

And most of the posters do not feature you on it.

Correct.

It's Will Farrell and Amy Poehler.

Yes.

And I saw this film last night, and I and Kulop and the rest of the audience, total delight, the entire film.

All right.

Incredibly funny.

This is a rave.

You know what?

No, I mean, right now, this is a rave.

I'm on ecstasy.

Y'all ready for this?

A lot of times I have people on the show and they're plugging their projects and I don't really like the thing.

Sure.

You know what I mean?

Uh-oh.

And

so I was a little fearful seeing this last night because I knew you were going to be on the show today.

And what if I didn't like it?

What if it was a tepid kind of thing?

Although, you know, you and I are used to.

And you couldn't do that thing and be like, oh, I wasn't able to see it.

You know?

Oh.

You know, oh, I could, they sent me a link, but it didn't work.

No, you would know.

I would know.

This actually happened.

Christian Bruhn invited me to a film of his.

And

I had just gotten back from

some sort of trip.

And literally, three minutes in, I started having the worst stomach problems.

And I'm sitting near him.

Oh, no.

And five minutes in, I walked out of the film and had to go shit your brains out.

Yeah.

And had to give him, like, and it was so bad that I couldn't just like go shit in the bathroom and come back and come back.

It was so bad that I had to go take a look at it.

This had to be a specialty tour.

That was the kind of shit that requires a shower afterwards.

And it just sounds like such a weak excuse of, like, oh, I had my tummy was grumbling.

Five minutes in, I decided.

I had a bad case of the grumbles.

But it was entirely true if he's listening to this, and let's be honest, we know he is.

Hello, Christian.

But no, your film, the funniest film of the year, is so good.

And it's got all of our friends in it.

It really does.

It's got Lennon.

It's got Jess.

It's got

a little bit of a little bit of a little

Hubel.

Randall Park.

Yeah.

Hubel.

Part.

Oh, yeah.

It's got everybody.

It's Andrea Savage.

There's like

a lot of Rory Scoville, Kyle Kinnane.

It's like

it's incredible.

They did a very good job, I will say, hiring all people we know.

Yeah.

Which I was very excited about.

And the script is really, really funny.

It's kind of a return to form for Will Farrell and Amy in a way.

I don't even know if I've seen Amy do an R-rated film like this.

I don't know that you have.

I just remember her in like PG films for the most part.

Oh, no.

This is like a hard R movie.

This is a hard R movie.

This is a hard R movie.

It's a lot like Will Farrell.

It's tonally kind of like old school in a way.

It's kind of like him doing those types of movies.

It's like basically them going off the rails.

Yeah.

Like what if your suburban parents like lost their fucking minds?

Great script, great direction.

Seems like there was improv, although I don't know.

Oh, no.

There was a lot of improv.

Too much of improv.

I did not envy the people who had to cut that movie.

Really?

Because there was hundreds of hours of it.

Good old Snippy.

Yep.

Oh, yeah.

You know him?

Snippy McChoppers?

McChoppers.

No, Snippy McAdvid.

I feel like this film is a lot like a plane that's trying to bomb another country.

It's flying under the radar.

Oh, boy.

In these times?

In these times, that's where you're going to go?

Wow, wow.

And what I'm going to be pretty tone-deaf.

What I'm worried about, obviously, Baby Driver this week is getting the old CBD.

Great movie.

Great movie.

Great movie.

I loved every one of those.

I was already

once only, but nice to ones.

But I feel as if the house is getting short shrift, and I want people to know about it.

I want people to consider Jason Manzoukas as a movie star now.

His name is above the title.

Hooray.

That means he is one of the three stars of this movie, and I want people to go see it.

And I think fans of this show would really, really like it.

You are just a delight.

Thank you.

Well, my pleasure.

You must be very proud of yourself.

You're a big boy now.

Yeah.

No, and you let me sit in the big chair.

I did.

It was very exciting.

Usually you're at the kids table.

You told me I could look at you today.

No, it's been pretty weird.

You know, I'll be honest.

It's like I've never been this

version of involved in something this big.

It's pretty banana.

Usually a Jason Manzukas is the kind of guy you call when you have like two scenes that you want him to be real gross in

and probably be wearing just underwear.

That is, that is, I'm pretty good at that.

So, but no, this was like something I was like, oh, wait, I have to like actually play a character who starts off in one place and ends in another and have like an emotional journey.

Did you have an acting coach?

Yes, of course.

I had an acting coach.

Of course, who is this?

Of course, I had an acting coach.

I've been studying acting for many, many years with Jeff Goldblum.

Really?

Just one of the greats.

He was on the show recently about a while ago.

Yes,

I wish he was my acting coach, but he is a delightful man.

But no, I didn't work with an acting coach because mostly I just, you know, improvise and be goofy all the time.

Right.

So it's that.

And like do fake tears.

What is it?

Fake tears?

Yeah, it looks like fake crying.

What is it like being in scenes with Will and Amy?

That must be a dream come true.

They're two of comedy's greatest stars.

Is this a junket?

This is a junket.

As a matter of fact, the junket started.

Wait, are you being paid to do this interview?

No, but really, listen, I think comedy fans, and look, let's be honest.

People listening to the show are comedy.

They're listening to this show.

Be honest.

I'm not sure.

Let's be honest.

I can't tell.

Do you think the people that listen to this show are fans of comedy?

I think it's fans of...

They have a morbid curiosity of what's going on right here.

But I also believe this truly is the show where we speak to interesting people.

Oh, my God.

And so I think that that's a lot.

That's maybe 90% of our listeners like to hear about the interesting people with whom we speak.

Oh, you know what?

You're probably right.

But I do also believe comedy fans will be interested.

What is it like?

I mean, in a junket, you're going to give a one-sentence answer.

What is it like showing up on the day?

Had you ever improvised with Will Farrell before?

No, you know Amy.

You've done Ask Hat with her, obviously.

Yeah, no, I've known Amy for, like, you know, going back to UCB New York, you know, late 90s.

I believe when I met you, you both were in the show that I'd exactly.

But you did monologues at, exactly, in New York.

So I know Amy and have been improvising with Amy for, yeah, like 16 years.

So that's

old news when you get to the set.

It's like, oh, hey.

I will say, like, I think partially what makes this movie very fun is the familiarity that almost everybody has with each other.

Like, you know, I might not have improvised with Will before, but Amy had, and I know Will.

And so everybody immediately slipped into just very easy bits.

Just bit city.

Poking at each other and trying to make, like, aggressively trying to make people break.

Right.

Trying, trying, trying to ruin takes.

Trying to ruin takes.

There is such a funny outtake, by the way, the very last one during the credits.

Which what is it?

In the garage with the three of you, with Will.

I don't want to give it away.

But Amy is laughing immediately.

Oh, and immediately.

It's so funny.

I wish it had made the film.

I wish she hadn't been laughing.

And that kept, I wish they hadn't cut even the blooper short because it's such a longer thing that keeps trying.

We keep trying to restart again and keep going with it, and it just will not work.

I would love to see the uninterrupted take.

I would too.

Could you send that to me?

Put it out.

We're calling for Warner Brothers to put that unedited blooper out in its entirety.

What are you afraid of, Warner Brothers?

Is this picture the brothers Warner?

Yes, it is.

Really?

How is it working for them?

You know what?

You know, they're the greatest.

Did you go to the WB lot a lot?

Every day.

Yeah.

Every day I drove onto that lot.

The old duba dubba.

Gate four, baby.

Is that where it was shot?

Yeah.

Really?

Yep.

We shot it in a big giant studio.

We shot the very, we had to switch studios very dramatically.

Oh, no, we didn't switch.

They just

someone farted, and everybody couldn't handle it.

And everybody kept being like, who beefed?

Remember when you used to say, who beefed?

Yes.

How come we don't say that anyway?

Well, let's get it back going.

Huh?

Yeah, let's get who beefed going again.

Who beefed?

The name of this episode, Who Beefed?

Who Beefed?

Yep, who beefed.

Is that a shirt, Who Beefed?

Yeah.

Although, I bet it's a shirt that exists.

That probably exists already.

I bet you exactly.

Although not with a CBB logo on it.

Who CB beefed?

Hey, hey, who's CB beefed?

There we go.

There's the title.

That's the title.

Name above the title.

And now we can just clash.

And that's it for this episode Comedy Bang Bang.

Jason Manzukas in Who CB Beefed.

I think the show should always end when the titular line is discovered.

Really?

So we're just going to end it here.

Yep.

All right for this episode.

That would be interesting if

they just stopped cold.

Some of them were 10 minutes long.

Some of them were 10.

And now we're going to plugs.

Well, Jason, congratulations.

This is very exciting for you.

I was

very excited for you when you got the dictator, and obviously that didn't work out quite the way that everyone wanted it to work out, but

this is even more exciting, and I want everyone to see this.

Oh, man, gotta get those digs.

Gotta get the digs.

Gotta get them.

Gotta get them.

Gotta get them.

Get those digs, baby.

No, it's really great.

I implore everyone to go see it this weekend

because this.

Thank you, by the way.

I will say this.

Thank you so much for holding your explosive diarrhea in during this movie.

I know that it interrupts a lot of movie viewing for you.

When I found out this was a movie, it was bad news because I had a good 90 minutes of explosive diarrhea in my future.

And it only had like three cups of black coffee and a spoonful of rancid mayonnaise.

That was all.

That's all I had to eat today.

Well, congratulations.

We're going to take a little break because I love it.

We love breaks.

I mean,

this is the show where we speak with interesting people and, or where we talk to interesting people.

Is that the tagline?

What do you want it to be?

The show where where we talk to interesting people.

That's very concerned.

And then we take breaks and sell them nonsense.

So we're going to take one of those breaks.

When we come back, we're going to have one of those interesting people.

We have coming up a little later on the show, we have an artist.

And after this break, on the other side, we'll have a politician.

In these times,

that's very exciting to talk to a politician.

You know what?

I'm

what are the issues you have right now?

You know, the same as everybody, you know, jobs, the economy, health care.

Sure.

You know, horse rights, all of these things.

Horse rights.

I haven't heard that.

That's unfamiliar to me.

See, and that's part of the problem.

Rights that horses have?

Yeah.

What rights do you believe horses should have?

All the same rights that you and I have.

Meaning the right to vote?

Yeah.

The right to.

Why shouldn't horses be allowed to vote?

Give me an honest answer why they shouldn't.

I mean, they don't know English.

That's one thing.

Wow.

Wow.

Okay.

Oh, no, no.

That's not what I meant.

That's

what I was doing.

Wow.

There it is.

Hold on.

Hold on.

There it is, listen.

Oh, no.

There's that button.

Let me backtrack.

Let me backtrack.

Look, look, let's take a break.

I'll think about what I want to say about horses.

When we come back, we'll have more comedy bang bang after this.

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You know, when you

think about game day,

you might not think Wayfair, right?

I mean, they're two one's two words and one's one word, first of all.

That's confusing right off the bat.

And then they're totally different

letters, although the A's, there still are two A's, but the G and the M, those aren't in Wayfair and the W and the

Y is in both.

I mean, this is pretty similar, actually.

Game day, Wayfair.

I mean, you might think about it, but one reason you should is because Wayfair, right?

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And the best part, Wayfair offers free and easy delivery, even on the big stuff.

And when you're talking big stuff, here's what I ordered from Wayfair the other day.

I mean, when I say I, I mean Kulop.

Kulop ordered a bunch of holiday stuff.

She ordered a giant skeleton for Halloween,

a rabbit sitting with a ladybug.

I guess that's year-round.

That can just stay out there forever.

So yeah, so Wayfair's not only got stuff for game day, but also has a bunch of holiday stuff that my wife likes.

In any case, Wayfair is your trusted destination for all things game day, from coolers and grills to recliners and slow cookers.

Shop, save, and score

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Wayfair, every style, every home.

Comedy Bang Bang, Jason Manzoukas,

J-Dog in the house.

Scotty Ox.

We need a soundboard.

We do.

We need

a lot of drops and all that stuff.

Do you mean just drops of your actual voice?

Just drops.

Saying the things that you've always said.

Just saying my patented catchphrases.

What do you got?

Let's hainong manong man of course we haven't even henong manned we have not by the way you just did to me have you been uh you texted uh me recently and said you've been getting a lot of hainong man

uh-huh very good

we've talked We've talked about the pluralization.

Is it Hainong men?

Have you been getting a lot of Hainong men?

Hainong have.

I was just in New York City, and I got a ton of it.

Somebody screamed it at me from a moving car,

like very aggressively, to the point where I thought I was about to be murdered by a fan.

But it was urgent and loud and like above, well above the din of New York City.

Really?

Yeah, it was a good one.

That was a great one.

And I try and give, I try and get, it's one of the only things I will try and engage every single person who says Hainong Man to me, I will return Hainong Man.

But the number of people who scream, hey, Rafi, Rafi!

You just ignore it.

But you know if it's a Hainong man, it's a very special type of person.

Yeah, it's a real weird nerd.

You weird nerds, you get it.

You get it.

Get it.

I mean, you've built your whole career on weird nerds.

Oh, categorically, yes.

Oh, yeah.

It was just, oh, and the Del Close Improv Festival, Del Close Marathon, rather, at UCB was this past weekend, and a lot of Hainong Mans.

Yeah, that's true.

A lot of comedy bangbangs.

What shows did you do?

Before we get to our next guest, what shows did you do?

I did Manzukas Brothers.

Oh, that's right.

Who's that with?

It's usually with Ed Herpsman, but this time it was with Tammy Sager because Ed Herpsman could not make it due to volunteer fireman duties.

What?

Absolutely.

Doesn't that mean that he cannot go to it if he's a volunteer?

No, he had like something to go do for the volunteer fireman.

Meaning something got set on fire.

No, no, it was like it was, I don't know, it was like a test or something.

It was like a training, training, because our show was in the afternoon.

So it was like a training day, testing day.

You have to take tests to become a volunteer fireman?

He told me this crazy story where they have to do an obstacle course, like an intense obstacle course in all the gear, in the tanks and all of it, and you have to part of the fire.

Are you on fire?

No, but part of the obstacle course is you have to find your way into,

you have to find holes of escape and get through them while your mask is totally blacked out to simulate smoke giving you zero visibility.

It sounded terrifying.

Who would do this?

My very dear friend.

Just to be a volunteer?

Yeah.

I would do that to get paid.

To be a hero.

I don't know.

I would do that for maybe...

I would do it for six figures, definitely like mid-six figures.

Mid-six?

Yeah.

550.

550 is what I would do.

550.

You would do the job of a volunteer fireman, or you would do the test.

I would just do the test.

There would be an option for another six figures.

Do you think, at what point, at what financial, at what number do you become brave?

What number gets me to brave?

Yes.

Okay.

Do I have the money I have now?

No.

Okay,

sorry, yes.

I have the money I have now.

Yes.

No amount of money.

No amount of money.

I'm good.

You're just like good.

You're just stewing in cowardice.

Yeah, I'm fine.

I get it.

I'm fine.

Yep.

All right.

We need to get to our next guest.

This is the show where we speak to interesting people.

Talk to interesting people.

That's more catchy, right?

I think so.

The show where we talk to interesting people.

I'm going to say that on Billboard.

What about that show?

That show.

Like that 70s show?

That 70s show where we talk talk to interesting people in the 20 teens.

The show

where we talk.

The show where we talk to interesting people.

The show

wherein...

Words are not making sense.

The show wherein

interesting people are spoken to by us.

Not bad.

That seems cleaner.

That's definitely cleaner.

That's cleaner than what you do.

That's like Harvey Keitel in pulp fiction.

Cleaner.

Yeah, the clean, Mr.

Wolf.

Let's get to our next guest.

This is very exciting.

In these troubled times, we need to have people out there who are representing our interests, and this person is undoubtedly one of those.

She is a politician.

Please welcome Jennifer Spott.

Hello, Jennifer.

Hi, I'm Jennifer Spott.

I'm a two-time senior and a big-time winner.

I wash my hair with olive oil, and I never think twice.

Vote for me.

The future is ours.

Oh, that's...

I must say to our listeners,

you say two-time senior.

You're not an elderly woman.

Oh, no, no.

I'm a two-time high school senior.

Yeah, you look to be a young girl to me.

Yeah, yeah.

I'm 18.

Don't be weird.

Don't be weird about it.

Wait, just judging people's ages is.

Here's what you just did.

You look to be a young girl to me.

I am young.

No, I know.

It's barely legal.

Oh, boy.

Oh, boy.

Wait, how barely?

How barely.

One month.

Wow.

Congratulations.

Happy birthday.

Congratulations.

Thank you.

We're just going to be saying it in 11 months.

Yep.

What's the the cutoff for saying happy birthday?

When someone just had a birthday?

I mean, especially if it's as momentous as 18 or 21 or 30, I say six weeks.

You can keep saying it to me my whole life if you want to.

Happy birthday.

Happy birthday.

What did you do for your birthday?

Oh, I didn't do anything.

You see, I'm involved in about 13 extracurricular activities.

Oh.

It's part of my goal of being the most involved student at Hinderberg High School.

Hinderberg, Hinderberg.

You haven't heard of of that one.

Hinderberg.

So it's not like the Hinderberg.

It's not like Hindenburg.

No, but it's weird.

Our mascot is the blimp.

It's a Hindeberg.

Hindeberg.

There's an

Hinderberg.

Are you guys...

Wait, we have another title.

Jason Manzukas is Hinderberg.

It's like in the house in a way, but in the city.

It's like in the club.

Hindenberg.

It's like a Swedish hip-hop dance movie.

All right, enough at the moment.

Hinderberg.

Let's talk to Jennifer.

Yeah, yeah.

13 activities.

So, yes, at Hinderberg High School, which, you know, it is weird, our mascot is a blimp,

but we do really well.

But the mascot is a blimp, but it's called Hinderberg.

Right, that's right.

Is that because there was a mistake, or was there, you couldn't call it Hinderberg?

I don't know.

The school was founded in 1819.

That's an old school.

That's it for California.

Yeah.

By whom?

By prospectors and Indians?

We don't know who.

I don't know that we say Indians.

Do we not say?

I don't think so.

I think we're meant.

I mean, Cleveland does.

I understand for you, non-English speakers are all meant to be derided,

but I think we're supposed to say Native Americans.

Explorers and adventurers.

That's what we've heard.

That's what we've been told.

Founded your high school.

Found our high school.

Was it like a one-room schoolhouse kind of situation that expanded?

I don't know.

Right now, it's a building with 18 floors.

18 floors?

And 25 houses.

Wait, what?

25 houses housed within the floors?

Yeah!

Or on the property.

It's like a community.

Okay, so it's like a city almost.

Yeah, it's a community.

How many students in this high school?

There are 22,000.

Oh, it's a big school.

This sounds like a college, like a university.

It is almost, and that's why it's such a hard task running for student body president.

You know, it's really competitive.

There's a lot of people in the field.

Yeah, I mean you have a one in 22,000 chance, unless that's, I guess, four different

running.

Yeah, and it's there'd be freshmen solvent.

So

four into 22,000 is approximately 5,000 and something.

So you have a one in 5,000 chance, let's just say.

Remember, she's a two-time senior.

So maybe math is not her strongest.

That's exactly right.

I have an issue with math, and that's why I haven't been able to complete my senior year.

Really?

Let's test you out a little bit.

A squared plus B squared equals.

Okay, A squared plus B squared equals, well, you carry the troll and you tie us the dreams, and no one

and you envelope it all in a little squash, and then

you get a honey bear.

Honey bear?

I mean, by the way,

thank you for showing your work.

Yes, and it's just as ridiculous as C squared when you think about it.

Like, it all just

more math included envelopes, honey bears, dreams, scoops.

Scoops.

See, that's the issue.

I turn numbers into words when I do math problems.

That's interesting.

So, you know how a lot of people they feel colors or they synesthesia?

Yeah, synesthesia, exactly.

You turn numbers into words.

That's right, exactly.

Totally.

Like, and let's just, for sake of argument, just I'm curious, like, what is the square root of 81?

Square root of 81.

Well, you push the blaze and you

make the squirrels eat.

And then, do, but don't forget, don't forget, you have to subtract the oranges, and then everybody's there, and it's a hat.

It's a hat, which might be nine.

It could be, yeah.

So, really, we just need to figure out the translation of each of your words.

It's kind of like a code almost.

It is, yeah.

It's kind of like we're that guy who was chemically castrated.

Who was that guy in World War II, you know, touring?

Yep.

Yep, we're trying to figure out the code.

Yep.

We got there.

You know, the best kind of castration.

Yep.

The chemical kind.

If you got to be

Go chemical.

Well, I would love for you to tell that to my math teacher.

He refuses to pass me.

Mr.

Hummingbird is a stick in the mud.

Wait, now, is Hummingbird, is his name a number?

Like, his name is Mr.

Ford?

Mr.

36.

I mean, I'm 34.

Or is it actually Hummingbird?

It's the number 36, but I pronounce it Mr.

Hummingbird.

Interesting.

It is weird, though, that his last name is 36.

He worked for the CIA.

Really?

Is he up on that wall I've heard about?

Mm-hmm.

He is.

I think that just might be dead people.

Uh-oh.

Unless they painted a mural of their favorite CIA.

Well, we have murals all over the place.

Are you really?

Is that something you're in favor of as somebody who's running for class president?

Are you in favor of that?

Absolutely.

The future of our children in America is all about artists.

And you have to dream if you want to live.

And no one's going to give them a chance if they don't have the money or the funds.

So you've got to get the funds.

Artistry is so important.

That's why all half of the extracurricular activities activities I'm involved in, I am involved in painting with colors.

Painting with colors.

Yeah, it's hard to paint black and white.

Well, I'm also involved in a painting sepia tone color class.

And then also, don't forget, there's not enough rainbows out there.

So I'm involved in a class that paints rainbows everywhere.

Is this the case studies class?

You're trying to get more rainbows out there.

Yes, because rainbows unite us all in love and hope and dreams and wishes.

And no one can believe it.

You're like a very passionate speaker, and when you're talking like this, you,

you know, just for the listener's sake, like your body is like,

it's almost choreographed.

Don't say it like that, by the way.

Your body is your body, you're young.

You're young.

You're almost like a bunch of people.

My barely legal body.

One month as an adult.

Please don't put your finger next to your mouth like that.

Please don't do that.

Yum.

My finger tastes like cherries.

Have you been fingering fingering cherries?

No, I put on cherry lip balm.

Oh, okay, so your lips taste like it too.

Yeah, exactly.

Anyway, it's important to be a good orator as a politician.

I learned that from everyone.

George Washington, Francis Bacon.

The famous politician Francis Bacon.

Sure.

Karl Marx.

And, of course, Winston Churchill.

Of course.

Of course.

Great man.

Cloud,

great Winnie Church.

Cloud Debusie.

Don't think

Sarah Silverman.

All

great politicians, great orators.

Exactly.

So

what is your platform?

What do you...

Okay,

these are the basic tenets of my platform.

No more lunch lines.

Done with them.

So

how are people going to get their lunch?

Yeah.

Oh, it's.

Is it like a lunch riot?

I don't mean to challenge you on.

I just mean is it.

I'm not good at debates.

Oh, it's not a debate.

It's

just a clarification on your position.

Yeah, I'm not going to try to shoot down your debates.

Yeah, just

how would

a lunch without lunch lines, how would it work?

Let's pretend you're,

it's lunchtime.

It's just about lunchtime.

Okay, so the bell's just about to ring for lunch.

Uh-oh.

Did I pack a lunch or am I going to buy today?

You have to buy.

You have to buy.

Bring, bring, bring.

Okay, everybody, everybody organize.

Everybody goes out of the business.

Everybody meaning 22,000 people.

Yes, everybody is assigned a different lunchtime.

So my lunchtime would be

troll,

wallet, flap,

glass.

Okay.

And that's when I go to get, and then I'll go.

I'm already foreseeing a lot of trouble.

Yeah.

Are these lunchtimes spread out throughout the day?

Yes.

So somebody's lunchtime will be as soon as they arrive in the morning.

Right.

And someone might be 1130 at night.

Exactly.

Oh, wait.

Are they individual lunchtimes?

Yes, yeah.

22,000 people.

There's no lines.

There's no line because each person gets one lunchtime.

That's right.

I guess you would have to do it.

22,000 people.

How long do you think?

You can bring them up by the second as well.

How long is lunch?

Uh-huh.

I mean, you know, not long.

You get it, and then you go, you, here's the thing.

You can eat it in class.

So you can bring it back to classes.

So, oh, I would think there would be a lot of coming and going from classes with people with food.

Yeah, nothing would get done, but no lines.

Okay, by the way, that's that you did it.

If I were in school and heard nothing is going to get done and there's no lunch lines, I'd live over.

In class?

Yeah.

It doesn't sound too bad.

Great, great.

See, that was terrific, Jennifer.

All right, what else do you do?

Cancel the football team.

Cancel.

Do you think the football team is a TV show?

Yeah, not disband.

They're not being renewed for a second season.

No, I don't think the football team does anything for us.

What do they do?

What is football?

And why are we?

Wait, are these real questions?

We're not going to debate either.

I'm not going to debate.

Football is, you know, football is obviously a sport.

It's a pastime that people enjoy watching because of the competitive nature of it.

But also, it gives

schools a team to root for in rivalries.

What does it do for the economy or the future of our children?

Well, they raise money by

paying for games.

No, they don't.

No.

Very angry.

Football team is not real or relevant.

It's not, no one is doing it.

It's an institution based on the, you know, based on the possession of women as property, and it has nothing to do with our current political state or what we want to accomplish as a school or as a student body.

Jennifer, can I ask you a question?

Have you ever dated a football player?

No, yeah.

Is that where this is coming from?

I don't know.

It has nothing to do with him.

My thoughts are my own, and everything everything is independent.

Okay, but who, what is this person's name?

Kyle.

Kyle?

Kyle break up with you?

Kyle Blarf.

Kyle Blarf.

Kyle Blarf?

Yeah.

Oh, this sounds like a real person.

It doesn't matter.

I don't care.

It doesn't matter anyway.

He's just a, it doesn't matter.

What position did he play?

Quarterback.

What was his number on his jersey?

Farts.

Farts.

Well, let's see.

So, farts.

Hold on.

Blarf, farts is what the back of his shirt says.

And by the way, if we're cracking the code, usually the quarterback is within the first nine digits because they have a single number.

So, farts must be one through nine.

Yeah, must represent one through nine.

Interesting.

That's not necessarily.

Oh, I guess that's right.

I see what you're saying.

Got it.

Yep.

Okay, interesting.

Interesting.

By the end of this, we're going to have a codex that we're going to have to do.

We're going to send it to the audience.

We're going to send it to the audience so they'll understand everything.

So,

Kyle plays in football.

and he does and we went to the prom together.

Oh, wow.

Junior prom two years ago.

Oh.

Oh, so he's not even in school anymore.

No, no, he graduated.

He's good at math.

But when he graduated, he broke up with me because he said I didn't get it.

Well, I mean, what didn't you get?

Your diploma.

Graduation

or my diploma.

Oh, I see.

Yeah, well, it's hard.

He's going to college and you're still in the middle of the school.

That's a hard relationship to keep going if you're both not going to college or you're both not going to go.

He's going to be around those college girls, you know.

Oh, you just blurfed.

Wait, is that a number?

Oh, my gosh.

It just really upset me.

I don't know, just thinking about it.

I haven't thought about him a lot.

Does that happen to you a lot when you get upset?

You kind of spit up like that?

Yeah.

Okay.

That's okay.

That's why I'm barely legal.

Oh, God.

Yeah, the vomit is in the corners of your mouth.

And your mom was the baby.

Oh, God.

So, I mean, you guys must have just broken up because it's June and you must be going back to.

This is her second school.

Yes, she's going, but I mean, we're in summer

now.

Yeah, you're going back to school in September.

So you've got to go back to school.

So even if you were successful in, I will say this, Jennifer, in getting rid of the football program, Kyle Blarf would not be hurt.

Yes, he would.

How?

Because his memories, because of all his memories.

He's an alum.

He's an alum of the football program, and his dad is the head coach.

And so he wins.

Oh.

So Mr.

Blarf.

You wanted to get in on that?

Yeah.

Coach Blarf runs the football team.

Uh-huh.

And

so you'd be taking away his job.

His whole living.

That's right.

That would be a real hit for the Blarf family.

And then Kyle may not be able to afford college anymore.

Yeah.

Exactly.

Stick him where it hurts.

And then he would have to come back to town and.

I don't know.

I mean, I guess I haven't thought that far ahead, but.

Are you sure you haven't?

Yeah, I'm sure.

Well, we're playing chess while you're playing checkers here.

No, you're not.

I don't know.

No, you're not.

There's nothing.

There's something people say on Twitter these days.

Oh, really?

Yeah.

I'm not familiar with it.

Yeah.

Are you okay?

You just are spacing out.

Are you all right?

I don't know.

Where is Kyle going to college?

Yale.

Oh, so across the country, even.

Yale, Francisco.

What now?

Yale, Francisco.

Is that Yale, Francisco?

West Coast campus.

Or is that UC San Francisco?

Oh,

is that like a joke that you guys had where he's like, oh, I'm going to Yale, Francisco?

Okay, great.

Look,

I have to warn you, I don't think this is going to be a very popular part of your campaign, getting rid of the football team.

So I would ditch that one.

I think, you know, the no-lunch lines.

You're on to someone.

It's a home run.

Yeah, you're on to this.

That's a promise that almost everybody can get behind.

But you're going to have 22,000 people.

I'm sure a significant number of them are fans of the football.

Yeah, and there's probably thousands that play on the team.

Yeah.

You're just getting rid of work.

Okay, okay.

Well, how about this?

How about I just cancel head coach Blarf?

Sure.

Do you mean murder?

Wait, do you mean murder him?

Let's just say eliminate him.

From the schedule?

From the formula.

Wait, do you think life is in algorithm?

Let's just say

she might be a massive Jesus by the way.

And stop just saying things.

Actually, say.

There's a lot of let's just say.

Why don't we just say it'll be terminated from the equation?

Okay, got it.

Okay, so you don't put that into your campaign process.

Don't actually say it out loud either.

If you're really going to do it, the less people that know that.

We'll cut it from the episode.

Just definitely.

We're definitely going to cut that.

In fact, we already ended the episode once the titular.

The CBB bump.

Then what the heck am I doing here?

I was hoping to get an endorsement from both of you.

Oh, is that where you were?

Yes.

Our endorsements do carry a lot of sway in high school elections.

I mean, you know.

That is true.

We're going to see how the House gets the CBB bump this weekend.

And so, you know, if you're looking for the CBB bump, maybe.

That's what I'm looking for.

Jennifer Spot for student body president.

Give us one more part of your platform, and we'll see exactly what we can do.

I'm also just curious now that we've heard two, you know, like one really successful and one, one, you know, kind of in the middle.

I'm wondering what else you're working with.

More pets.

How's that?

More pets?

Yeah.

Are there pets allowed already?

No pets are allowed on the campus.

So I think everyone should get a pet, and that pet will be sort of like...

A school pet.

Well, yeah, but it's also an extension of their personality and of their soul.

And it'll be like an avatar that can go into classrooms and learn if someone's sick.

Okay, so

there's a lot to unpack here.

Do the kids get to choose their pet or is it chosen for them?

Like a sorting hat?

You're an animal?

It's like the sorting hat.

Really nice reference.

Oh, great.

So, so, like,

is there something sorting hat-esque that will

give each kid a pet?

Me!

Okay.

So, every kid.

You're the sorting hat.

That's right.

And I assign them a pet, and then that pet is with them the whole school year.

Well,

let's try that on.

Let's

assign a pet to Scott.

Okay, okay.

So, Britta, I'm a kid.

What do you have to do in order to make that happen?

I'm not even legal.

What?

Ew.

What are you doing?

Ew.

Don't be weird.

I'm saying I'm a high school cat.

I'm getting into character.

Don't be weird about it.

I'm not legal.

What do you mean?

Not legal.

It's not.

It would be improper to have sex with me if you're a man your age.

Oh, so you're in.

Wow.

Okay, got it.

I'm just saying.

Okay, I'm in character.

Does that make Kulop a child molester?

This is me in character right now.

What's your character?

I'm not married to Kool-Ap in character.

Oh, okay.

What's your character's name?

What's your character's name?

Kweef.

Nope.

Kweef.

We have a Blarf and you're going to do a Kweef?

Kweef?

Really?

You're doubling down on this?

You can't be Kweef.

My best friend is Keef.

Chief Kweef?

I'm Donjam Quef.

Isn't there a Chief Key?

There is a Chief Kweef.

Isn't that Canon?

Donjamin Kweif.

Donjamin Keiff.

Donjamin Kweef.

Hi, Donjamin Kweef.

Is Donjiman one word, or is it Don Jamin

Kweeif?

It's not like we jammin'.

No, it's just one word, Donjamin.

Welcome to my presidential library.

Oh, when was this erected?

Just today.

Is it within the 18 floors?

Uh-huh.

It's on the very top.

Oh, wow.

Now, I'm in the mood and in the market for a pet.

Well, of course, they're mandatory at this point.

Yes, so your mood is irrelevant.

Now.

But I like it to be considered, you know.

First, you have to kiss

my ring.

Donjamin Cleef's so needy.

Kiss your ring, is that right?

Kiss my ring.

That's right.

Very good.

And now, you turn around three times.

Woo, wait, wait.

Okay, your animal has become clear to me.

You are a marmot.

A marmot?

I'm allergic to marmots.

How do you know?

That fits.

How do you know you're allergic?

Because I once went to a marmot festival and I just could not stop sneezing.

That's how you know the marmot is for you.

The more allergic you are to it, the more it's like you.

That's why you don't like it.

Wait, so it's allergic to me?

Yeah,

there's a long line.

So, I didn't know.

I thought this was the school without lines.

Wow.

Donjamin's line.

Donjamin Kweef's just summarily dismissed.

Fuck you.

Really?

No, free.

Even Jennifer Spot.

Oh, he's still voting for you.

You only want me.

Even Jennifer Spot doesn't like your characters.

And scene.

I don't know about this.

I like it.

Yeah, really good.

Donjamin Kweef gets a marmot.

Do you want to play?

Of course I do.

All right, who are you going to be?

How old are you?

I am

18.

Cool.

How recently?

How recently?

Like a month ago.

Happy birthday.

Thank you so much.

Wait a minute.

This is sounding a lot like me.

A lot of people had an 18th birthday just a month ago.

I'm in high school.

I'm at Hindenburg High School.

And I'm

running for class president.

What?

Oh.

Oh, no.

Are you all right?

Ow, ow.

Ow.

First of all, clean up the previous vomit.

Ow, my nose.

What'd you hit your nose on?

The vomit.

Ow.

Vomit is supposed to be soft.

Why do you have heart vomits?

I don't know.

I'm sick.

Oh, God.

Clean up the previous vomit and then clean up the recent vomit.

Okay, fine.

Wee, wee, wee.

Good morning.

What are you here for?

Oh, uh, hi, how are you doing?

Um, uh, Tim.

Tim who?

Oh,

Tim Tim Puss?

Tim Puss?

Well, it's very early in the morning.

I was asleep in your library.

Tim Puss Wigfield?

Oh, well,

Tim Puss is my first name.

Tim Puss.

Is it your assignment?

Oh, is that like Krampus?

Tim Puss Wigfield.

Is it your assigned lunchtime?

Is that what you're assuming?

It is.

It is.

I just picked up my lunch, and you know what?

I realized that I have yet to get my pet assigned.

Oh, so I wanted to stop by and get that.

Well, of course, come on into it.

It is so interesting you have

a lot of old-fashioned curlers in your hair.

Yeah, I gotta keep it volumized.

Um, now, let me see.

So, stand in front of me, sure, and um, here, I took my ring off when I was going to bed, and let me just put my ring back on.

Oh, wow, and kiss my hair.

When you wear it, okay,

more tongue, more tongue, that's good.

Okay, now spin around three times.

That ring is beautiful on your finger.

Stop it.

It tastes like cherries, too.

Who is this guy?

I'm sorry, I'm the creep.

I'm watching.

Donjamin Kweef?

You got it?

I like to watch, so sue me.

No surprise.

Dunjamin Kweef is a real creep.

Anyway, so did you spin three times?

Oh, yeah.

That was so fast.

Yeah, I'm really fast like that.

Your animal is

a bullfrog.

Oh, thank you so much.

You're welcome.

Anyway, I should get out of here.

What are you up to later?

Asleep.

Okay, cool.

All right.

Take care.

Bye.

Tim Puzz Wigfield out.

Wait a minute.

If he's running for student body president, then.

Oh, also, just one last thing.

Are you holding a knife?

No, this is a.

This is a potato flipper.

Got it.

I just wanted to say,

under the assumption that you will be graduating at the end of this year, I am currently running for student body president.

Please, I would love if you could, you know, maybe talk me up to the student body and.

Oh, God.

Oh, God.

Oh, my God.

What did you do?

Oh, my God.

I don't know.

Benjamin Queen.

I'm a witness to this.

No, you're not.

I'm part of old God.

What have I done?

This is not why I got into politics.

Don't stab your neck.

No.

Anyway, that's what I would do for my policies.

And

yes.

I die for them.

That was Shakespearean.

That really got ugly.

Yeah, that was like a tragedy.

Well, I'm really good at English.

Yeah.

Oh, really?

Oh, nice.

And literature.

What's your favorite book of all time?

Probably The Truth Will Be Outed.

What's that?

Oh, it's a series of short stories by Phil.

Collins.

Phil Collins.

Are you thinking perhaps about the record no jacket required?

Yeah, that might be what I'm saying.

Is that your favorite book?

Your favorite book is the record no jacket required.

I gave fold sleeves.

It was.

Yeah, that's what I'm thinking of.

All right, well, very good.

Well, I don't know that I'm ready to give you my recommendation or endorsement yet.

We'll see.

Don't whine.

Don't whine.

Let's wait until the end of the show.

We do have one more guest coming up.

Maybe you could solicit his endorsement as well.

I need all the endorsements I can get.

Coming up after the break, we have an artist, so that's exciting.

There's an artist coming in.

Why is that just ready on your phone?

Do you use that a lot?

Mr.

Puss.

All right, we're going to be right back with Jennifer Spot, more Jason Manzoukas, and we have an artist coming up after this.

More comedy bang bang after this.

We'll be right back.

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It's that time of year again, back to school season.

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Instacart, we're here.

Comedy Bang Bang, we're back here.

Jason Manzuka.

The house opens on Friday.

Will Farrell, Amy Foller, Jason.

June 30th.

Go to the movies.

Buy all the tickets.

Buy them all.

Buy them all.

You don't have to sit in every seat.

A lot of people are worried.

If I buy every ticket in the movie theater, I'm going to have to sit in every seat.

No.

I don't think people are worried about that at all.

Oh, really?

I think they're just worried they're going to get like somebody else is going to sneak in.

Also, it's probably expensive.

Yeah, but you know what?

Spend those bucks.

Spend those bucks, Bucco DeLore.

Yeah.

We also have Jennifer Spott here, who is running for senior class president.

Did you run last year as well?

Yep, sure did.

Didn't get it.

Didn't get it.

Ooh, too bad.

But that's okay.

This year, you can vote for me and never trust a stranger.

Who won last year?

Kyle.

Oh, okay.

Yeah.

Did he do a good job?

Yeah.

Oh, boy.

What were some of his promises?

No homework.

No, wait, so no one did homework?

No.

We don't have homework anymore.

Oh, wow.

That sounds like a dream.

His follow-through is impressive.

Yeah, or whatever.

Wow.

So is anyone learning?

Can I ask you a a question?

How long did you and Kyle go out for?

Two days.

Oh,

no.

We went to prom together, and then the next day he said, I didn't get it.

Your diploma.

My diploma, and he might have been referring to other stuff, too.

I don't know.

There's no way to know.

Did you consummate the relationship?

Were you legal at this point?

Hey, you know what?

I'm interested in her sex lie.

Okay.

Thanks, Dunjam and Kweef.

We did.

He braided my hair, and I kissed his forehead.

Oh.

That's very romantic.

And you've kept the braids in, I've noticed.

Yeah, I haven't washed it.

It's cornrows.

Yeah, it really hurts my skull.

You look like Stella who got her groove back.

They're really tight on my head, but I love them, you know?

Kyle put them in, and I don't want to take them out.

Sure.

Oh, it's something to remember him by.

Yeah.

While he's at Yale, Francisco, studying cosmetology.

We need to get to our next guest.

This is very very exciting.

He's an artist,

and that's all I really know about him.

But please welcome Jason Turley.

Hello, Jason.

Thanks for having me.

Cool name.

Thank you.

Yeah.

Turley.

Yeah,

I guess you're referring to my first name.

Yeah, we share a first name.

Yeah, that was fun.

Yeah.

The whole time I've been sitting here waiting to introduce myself.

Really?

I just was so surprised when Scott said it.

And I was like, is it me?

But no, then he said Turley.

It's pretty rare, right?

Yeah, very rare.

Yeah, it's a rare name.

Thank you for saying artist.

artist.

That's a bit of a stretch.

Oh, it is?

Yeah.

I make adult coloring books.

Oh, that's nice.

Oh, okay.

I've heard about these.

These are coloring books for adults.

Oh, boy.

Okay.

Wow.

Wow.

What just happened?

Did you think people might not have understood how to make adult coloring books?

Well, there are recent phenomena.

You can figure out a way to explain it better than reversing the word.

And the word choice was the problem.

You're like, oh, these listeners, they're not going to know what they're doing.

I've got to reverse this shit.

That's like

sense of it.

That is great hosting right there.

That's great hosting.

Why don't we do this?

Why don't you describe what an adult coloring book is?

Okay, so an adult coloring book is a great way to reduce anxiety in an adult's life.

And it's also a way to just beat the stress, beat the heat, and waste time.

So what I do is I draw situations, all kinds of situations.

I have many different books out and they have different themes.

And then you kind of draw within the lines.

Or if you're a bad little boy, you break the lines.

Ooh.

You draw across the lines.

Oh, my goodness.

You're getting very excited.

Yeah.

I thought of bad little boys.

And why are they little boys?

I thought these were adult color boys.

Like you're burying your teeth.

There's like a real energy to it.

Oh my God.

Now you can't stay within the lines and it brings a certain amount of peace to you.

Right.

It's just like a switch.

And I will say that is, I've, you know, I've, you know, my, I've had family members do adult color books, and they do.

They say it's very meditative and relaxing.

It's very peaceful.

It brings a lot of calm to your life, you know, because following the lines and staying within the lines, that can give you a sense of order in this in these turbulent times in which we live.

But then, you know, if you want to break the line, routine is good, but ain't nothing better than breaking routines and crossing those lines.

Okay, okay, Jason, Jason.

Jason Turley, I mean, yeah, call me Turley.

Or JT, do you ever get called JT?

I wish.

I'll call you JT.

He's a sex symbol.

I'm no sex symbol.

I got a pear-shaped body.

My parents call me, my parents call me Grimace.

Is that because of of your mouth?

No, I suspect because of the McDonald's character.

If they call it because of my mouth, boy, I tell you, Grimace's mouth is the hottest part of his body.

I don't mean that they're comparing your mouth to Grimace's mouth.

I mean, you might be grimacing all the time.

Oh, that's why they call him Grimace?

I thought they call him Grimace because people look at him, they're like, oh, man.

Yeah, that's grimacing.

Look at his sick pair.

So you do understand what grimacing is.

Yeah, I get that.

But Grimace's mouth is...

He's a happy fella.

Oh, sure.

Okay, you're not understanding what I'm saying.

Okay, look, Turley, his attitude beats the heat.

All right, Turley.

I'll tell you, he's feeling the heat.

Look at his body.

Yeah.

Oh, yeah.

Look at you.

And you would know.

It's the see you have the, you share the same body.

Hey.

Look at your body.

I see my body all the time.

I can't avoid my body.

You have a wompler-esque physique.

You do.

She's like an upside-down Grimace.

That's right.

A right side up.

That's right.

I stamp my foot twice and it goes, womp, womp.

I'm a wompler.

Right?

That's what that means?

No.

Look, Turley,

now a lot of these adult coloring books are geometric shapes.

You say you draw situations.

What are these situations?

That's true, Sir.

I might do like the Sistine Chapel, you know, and then you fill it in.

How is that a situation?

Well, a situation.

Well, that was a situation.

Someone asked Michelangelo.

Right?

Yep.

Yeah, someone asked Michelangelo.

Oh, so wait, in your...

In your coloring book, is Michelangelo there?

Here, I'll show you.

So I've got an entire book that's just Michelangelo and the Sistine Chapel.

Oh, my God.

And it's him entering the chapel.

Oh, wow.

There you go.

I'll pass him out.

I got it.

That is thick.

This is like a thousand pages.

This is very long.

And these are like,

I don't want to make it sound not professional, but these are handmade.

Oh, absolutely.

These are all me drawing this.

Now, this is a story.

Yeah, these pages are not all cut to size.

Like, these are just random pieces of scratch.

A lot of mine look to be like cut up old brown paper bags from the supermarket.

Right.

All right.

Some of these pages are just tree bark.

All right.

I'm not, I'm not white power when it comes to sheets of paper.

Oh, right.

Okay.

Whoa.

I don't know what.

I'm working with what you guys are giving me.

Sure.

Brown sheets of irregular paper are somehow bad.

Oh, oh, oh.

Clean, well-cut sheets of white paper, almost translucent, if you will, are the only things that can bring beauty in this.

I see where you're going, but that's, yeah, let's move on.

Let's move on.

Anyway, so this is the situation of Michelangelo.

So he walks into the Sistine Chapel, and one of the people that owns it says, hi, Michelangelo.

By the way, you're describing the first 50 pages.

Like, this is like a flipbook.

Yeah, yeah.

You flip it, and he barely moves, and you see him shake hands.

That's right.

And then you see the guy point up to the ceiling, and then there's a thought bubble where Michelangelo says, shit.

And by the way, that's just one page.

If this truly is a flipbook, you're going to miss it, I think.

You're going to miss it.

You're not going to be able to read this.

I have a question.

Oh, I'm sorry.

Jason, this is Jennifer.

Yes,

Jennifer.

Hi.

She's running for student body president at

Hindenburg High School.

Hindenburg.

Hindenburg.

Good luck, you got my vote.

Oh, my God.

Sandy!

Damn.

I'm taking on his accent.

Yeah, what was your original accent?

Yeah.

It was just cool.

Yeah.

Oh, okay, right.

Well, I have a question about Michelangelo because obviously you studied him and his reactions.

Well.

What's his first name?

Mike.

His name's Mike Michelangelo?

Yeah, his middle name's Louie, and his last name's Angelo.

Michelangelo.

Mike L.

Angelo.

Michel Angelo.

Angelo.

Oh, I didn't know.

A lot of people just called him Angelo.

Like a lot of his friends would be like, Angelo, let's get out of here, right?

Angelo.

Angelo, let's go get some pizza, right?

Looking at the book, there's a lot devoted to that.

That's actually what he felt.

That's pages 800 through 850, it looks like.

Uh-huh.

Yeah, you're skipping ahead.

Yeah, I'm sorry.

Oh, I want to go back to the beginning.

Yeah, because we got up to about page 75 where he looks up and he says, shit, at the ceiling.

Right.

And then the next few pages are him going, that's fucking high.

And then being like, well, you want some ladders or scaffolding?

And then Michelangelo says, what's scaffolding?

And the guy, and then the next 40 pages are them just shaking their head and slapping their forehead, being like, he doesn't know what fucking scaffolding is.

So that's the situation of the system.

Oh, wow.

It makes sense.

It does.

Yeah.

What other situations do you tackle in your books?

Garfield trying to get to the end of a Monday.

Oh, here you go.

Okay.

Oh, wow.

I noticed each page is one second of a day, and you have all the way through 24 hours.

This is the thickest book I've ever seen.

Now, it's interesting.

Each page is one second.

24 hours in a day.

Jennifer, could you help us out with that math?

Sure.

How many pages are in this?

An avocado, toast, and a light switch.

Wait, what?

I'm new to this.

What the hell?

What the fuck are you talking about?

What are you, Turley?

He's trying to be back on that.

Oh, Turley.

Put her down.

No, Turly.

She's 18.

She can handle it.

What are you talking about?

That's right.

She is legal.

All right, enough, enough.

Sorry.

I crossed the line, and it felt good.

What second does Garfield have lunch, by the way?

What is his lunchtime?

Also, what is lunch for him?

Is it lasagna?

Yeah, it's all.

I mean, lunch for Garfield is all day, every day, right?

Garfield wants to fill every day with a lasagna lunch.

That's why he's bigger than he should be for a cat, right?

Yeah.

Now, the interesting thing about the situation that I filled,

that I drew for everyone to fill out, is that you watch Garfield wrestle with his Monday's depression.

You watch him slowly put a gun into his mouth, sob and then take it out, then slowly put it back in, sob, look at a picture of John, look at a picture of Odie, put the gun back in his mouth.

Is he trying to determine who he would be leaving behind when he looks at the picture of Garfield?

John, are these what he, are these the things that are driving him to pull the trigger?

Yeah, that would be the picture of Odie.

I wouldn't be able to.

Well, now here's

all those interpretations can be correct depending on what colors you choose to color in.

Wow.

Wow.

Wow.

Jennifer really on board for this.

I like this.

My target audience.

She's barely legal.

She's an adult.

So where does it end up?

Because I don't want to go through this whole book.

Garfield eats a lasagna, falls asleep, wakes up, checks the clock.

It's 12.01 a.m.

on a Tuesday.

Oh, yeah.

He's made it through the night without suicide once again.

Wow.

Isn't that crazy?

Good for him.

It's inspirational in a way.

Yeah, yeah.

If Garfield can do it, who can't?

That's a great point because Garfield is lazy.

He's the laziest among us.

The Garfield cartoon is a parable for everyone.

Just get to the end of that Monday and you're going to be all right.

And find your favorite food.

Sure.

Find someone who takes care of you and also find someone who's stuper than you who can make you feel better about yourself.

That's Garfield in a nutshell.

Those are the needs, the basic human needs.

Find someone to take care of you.

Taslow's hierarchy of need.

That's right.

That's right.

Someone to take care of you, someone who's stupider than you.

Well, maybe I should change one of my platforms.

Taking on your accent.

Well, that's how, I mean, where are you originally from, by the way?

Everywhere.

Oh.

Yeah, my dad's in the military.

Oh, okay.

What does he do?

He's a soldier.

Yeah, how many has he killed?

Okay, that's you're not supposed to ask that.

I don't know.

You've never spoken about this with your with your dad?

I've asked him, but he's always said, he's always looked me in the eye and said, you don't want to know.

Ooh, he sounds like a sniper.

I've got a sniper situation.

Oh, wow.

It follows Barry Pepper's character from Saving Private Rhyme.

Oh, my.

All the way through to the final moments of his life.

And then there's also a bonus thing where that one character who was in the movie Twister watches that one Jewish guy get killed by the strong Nazi guy.

Tragic.

Oh, that's the toughest part of that movie.

And that's like, that's a bonus 300 pages tacked on at the end of this book.

Yeah, that's right.

Swipe.

Swipe.

Swipe.

There you go.

Leaf through it at your own leisure.

I thought that was the saddest, tragic, most difficult part of the movie to deal with.

Yeah.

Twister?

Yeah.

Yeah, yeah.

I went to a Brewin View recently.

That was a double feature, starting with Saving Private Ryan and then Twister.

And I thought they put them in the wrong order.

How so?

Well, or for what reason, I mean.

Twister ends in a happy way, but saving Private Ryan makes you think.

So through the first half of Twister, I was just thinking and sad.

Oh, I see.

Oh, yeah.

Whereas I would have been energized and happy going into Save It Private Ryan.

And then, but then the

wave ruined your mood?

Don't you think it would have ruined your mood?

Well, either way, Tom Hanks dies in both movies.

Tom Hanks dies in Twister?

Spoiler alert.

Oh, yeah, right away.

Yeah, immediately.

Right away.

It's like a Janet Lee and Psycho.

He's in the first Twister.

Oh, I admit.

Twister is a sequel to Castaway.

Castaway, he comes back, he tries to get with his ex-wife, Helen Hunt.

Helen Hunt, and then he gets with that other woman, right?

He's like, hey, what's this?

I guess life can have two chapters.

Bullshit.

Whoa.

And then, you know, you're in the middle of nowhere, and then the Twister comes and sucks him up, and then Helen Hunt's there.

Wait, you're saying life can't have two chapters?

Yeah, what happened to you, man?

Jason, I mean, Turley.

Thanks, man.

JT.

JT, what happened to you?

Wait, are you saying I think that life can have more than two?

Well, i mean that's a very pessimistic view

you kind of you kind of shrugged and rolled your eyes when you mentioned that life can't have two chapters did you have a kyle blarf

i'm going through a divorce right now oh

how did you know what she meant by did you have a kyle blarf

you weren't here for the previous but haven't we all had a kyle blarf in our lives that we i mean it's it's implied it was the color in her voice oh interesting you have synesthesia synesthesia is yeah definitely that's why that's why i got into what i do oh

oh Oh, you got it on that?

Sorry, I wanted to get in on that at the end.

Yeah, boy,

so you are using your coloring books as a way of communicating emotional feelings.

That's right.

So, what are these books?

What emotions are within?

What should we be getting out of these?

How is your divorce

being worked through these books?

Are you Garfield?

Sometimes I feel like Garfield.

At least on a Monday when I'm stuffing my face with pasta and carbs.

And a gun, apparently.

Yeah.

You ain't lying.

Wait, I put a clob in my mouth.

A clob?

I played it.

I played GoldenEye the other day.

It's a very old

studio game.

You played GoldenEye and got so inspired that you bought a bottle of bottles.

You bought a bottle of clobs and I stuffed it in my mouth.

I covered it in marinara and melted cheese.

I stuffed it in my mouth.

I sucked the thing.

That sounds delicious.

It was actually not bad.

But as a delivery system for pasta and sauce, I don't think I were.

pasta into your mouth with it.

Yeah, I load it with carbs and I fire it into the back of my throat and I hope it busts to the back of my head and ends my stupid, miserable, grimace life.

But it doesn't.

It just feeds me.

And then I reload it and I shoot it again.

So sorry.

So

why did your wife leave you?

I got a shitty attitude.

You see what she said?

Yeah.

Yeah, she can't handle my fucking patterns of behavior and communication.

At least you have some self-awareness about it.

You agree you have a shitty attitude.

Yeah, and that's why I'm starting to color more and more.

And that's why I want to bring it to other people, right?

Now, I need to color a lot, which is why I made 1,500-page-plus coloring books for adults.

Yeah.

Right?

Because I need to calm down a lot.

I don't think I could color one of these books in a lifetime.

Oh, no.

And the fact that you've made handmade

for each of us, many thousands of pages.

And they're exact copies of each other.

Yeah, and they are.

And the fact that you you think they're gifts they have not been photocopied no one ever said he has given them

enough such that each of us has a copy to look at actually oh okay the volume of perusal the volume of work that has gone into this these are gifts though yes i was just gonna say they're for you to keep now that you're now that you're a big movie star you just think people are giving you things listen you know people just gonna give you things to talk about

i was not in twister boy would i have loved to have been in twister though were you in saving private ryan i was not in saving private ryan were you in castaway I'm just going to jump straight to the chase here.

Jennifer, I've been in the

upcoming movie The House, and that is it.

Oh.

Well, the reason that I put out such a high volume of coloring books is I don't sleep.

When I was born, the doctors dropped me into a pot of coffee.

Okay.

What?

Was it big?

How big was the pot?

It was lukewarm.

It was a big pot.

I would assume so.

It was a big hospital.

Because I suspect, not for nothing, you might have been a big baby.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah.

And they just had big old pots.

So it was a big pot because it was a big hospital?

Yeah.

Yeah.

Because there's a lot of people working there.

Jason, I know the question you're going to ask.

Yeah.

31 pounds, seven ounces.

Upon birth.

Oh, yeah.

How many floors did this hospital have?

They're like bigger than a dog.

It had three floors, and I dropped through the first two.

Into a pot of coffee.

Yeah.

Oh, no.

Wow.

In the kitchen.

In the kitchen, yeah.

If these hospital floors can't sustain a 31-pound weight dropping onto the floor, this is a rickety-ass hospital.

Well, I shot out pretty fast.

Oh, I see.

Oh, yeah.

I grabbed the inside of my mom's uterus and I cool runnings that out of there.

Like carbs in a clob.

Shooting out.

Shooting out of there.

Carbs in a clob.

That's my next situation.

I'll do an autobiographical one like American Splendor.

Yep.

And then everyone will get to know the real Jason Turley.

You're a Harvey Pecar fan?

Yeah, I love Harvey P.

Carr.

Sad-ass motherfucker.

It's not something to aspire to.

His emotional state.

But

he was able to use what his life was and make a living at it and get people to get him.

Yeah, maybe he had temporary happiness, but, you know, I mean, is that really the life that you want to have?

I don't think I do.

Emotional distance from his loved ones.

Scott, I don't deserve real happiness.

Why?

Look at me.

Everybody deserves happiness, regardless of their looks.

That's right.

Everyone has a hope and a dream.

And there's so many worlds in the students.

Forever, the future is yours.

What color of the rainbow would you be?

I mean, you have synesthesia.

Brown.

Oh, boy.

Okay.

That's like what type, what shade of brown?

Deep,

sick, brown.

Deep, sick, brown.

DSB?

Bro, the brown you see.

The brown you see that makes you say somebody's sick.

Oh,

no.

Oh,

90 minutes of diarrhea in a movie, brown.

Like hard vomit brown.

Don't you get your butthole sewn up?

Why is it coming?

Oh, you weren't here for that.

It doesn't matter.

It doesn't matter.

I'd be sparkle.

Oh, boy.

Your color is sparkle?

I'd be sparkle.

Are you okay?

Yeah, I'm great.

Jennifer, you are out of your seat screaming.

I'd be.

Calm down.

I'm just so inspired by JT.

I inspire you?

Well, yeah, of course.

The misery.

That is your life makes me want to live my life to its fullest, especially now that I'm young and sexy.

Okay, Jeff.

You still have vomit all over your mouth, by the way.

It's like a vomit goatee.

You've barfed like four times.

Yummy.

Oh, God.

Oh, God.

Man, why are you guys disgusted?

I'm turned on.

By her throwing up?

Yeah, the bottom of my pear is tingling.

Your stem?

The bottom of my pear is going wild.

I got bees down there.

Wait, really?

No.

It just feels like it.

It feels like I got a saying.

Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, I guess the stem might be the top of the pear.

What's the pear's butthole, that little circle down at the bottom?

It's the pear's anus, I think, is what that's technically called.

I can't tell the difference between my genitals and my anus anyway.

You can't tell the difference between something that is external and something that is internal?

It's a fucking mess down there.

Oh, no.

It's just so.

Is it like a maze in the back of Jack and Jill magazine or something?

Yeah, that someone dropped beef stew on.

Oh, no.

And then, did you say who beefed?

Nailed it.

What?

CBB.

Foo CBB.

Foo CB beefed.

You know.

Yeah.

Get that t-shirt now available on the CBB website.

I don't believe it's available.

Now available on the Today Show.

I told you guys how I beat the heat, how I try to calm my anxiety and the demons.

You are not successful, by the way.

No, I'm not.

Every Monday you're sticking a gun in your mouth filled with lasagna.

And downstairs is a tingly mess.

It is when barely legal teens are telling me that I inspire them.

How old are you, by the way?

JT.

43.

43.

Yeah.

Okay.

Well, you know, the age of 10.

How long were you married?

I was married for 21 years.

Oh, wow.

Who's your wife's name?

Who's your wife's name?

Her name's Beth Angie.

She was named after a kiss song and a Rolling Stone song.

I should have seen the sadness coming.

What's her last name?

No, her last name is Angie.

Oh, okay.

So she was named after a Rolling Stone chose?

Well, she's a first-generation Croatian, and when her parents got to hell.

First-generation Croatian.

I like that.

They named her.

They just named her.

Yeah, Beth, they took a look at her, and they said,

this family looks sad as hell.

She's destined for breakups.

So two of the saddest songs ever written about women, Beth and Angie.

Yeah.

I think so.

I mean, Beth is about a woman who just sits around the house waiting for Peter Chris to return from drumming practice.

The cat.

and Angie's about, yeah, an imminent breakup, you know.

Yeah, Beth is about someone who would rather spend time with Gene Simmons than her.

That's a sad song.

Yeah, yeah, those are the two saddest.

Point is, I should have seen it coming.

Yeah.

And I'm working through a lot right now, but I'm here to not only give you guys gifts, maybe can help you, but also to find out what you guys do to beat back the anxiety and the sadness in your lives.

Well, you know, I try and connect with friends, you know,

work out, Yeah, you know, get those.

Exercise is important.

Yeah.

I talk to my parents.

Sure, yeah.

Talking to one's parents.

Do you have parents?

They died long ago.

Okay.

How long?

Interesting.

That day in the hospital.

Oh,

no.

Yeah.

Well, I mean, you shot out of your mother.

Did that kill her?

Please don't, please tell me you did not, like a bullet passed through your father and kill him.

Well, I went through.

On your way to going through both floors.

I went through his feet.

Okay.

So I went right through his feet.

So I smashed a couple holes in the ground.

I broke off his feet.

And you still have the umbilical cord in.

Yeah.

So then my mother went right after.

Oh, God.

She grabbed the umbilical cord.

She went right after.

And then my father grabbed her by the hair, and he went right after.

Oh, goodness.

Well, he was going to fall anyway.

He didn't have fear.

So they fell on the ground, didn't you?

The pot of coffee broke your fall.

That's right, yeah.

I was a nice sploosh.

And then my first memories of them, and this is probably why I think that my color in the rainbow is brown, is that I opened my eyes in lukewarm coffee and I saw my two dead parents outside the pot of coffee.

You have that memory.

Yep, that was my first memory.

I guess when you're bathed in coffee, when you're born, it really creates

trauma.

Good one?

Nailed it.

Jennifer, great singer.

Thanks.

You cheer me up a lot, actually.

Oh, good.

You're the first person that's cheered me up since my wife left me.

How long ago did she leave?

About a month ago.

Oh, okay.

When I was born, 18 years ago.

No, this is not.

No.

This is not a connection that you should be making.

It was around your birthday.

Wow.

Around probably when Kyle broke up with you around prom.

Yeah.

You went through a breakup about a month ago?

Yeah.

Man.

I don't know what you're doing later, but if you want to get lasagna shot into the back of your throat, okay.

She said she's sleeping.

Oh.

Oh, well, yeah.

I mean, you just sleep with your mouth mouth open.

Wow.

Okay, okay.

This is like a Cosby situation.

I don't think you should be putting a loaded

clob.

This is like that dentist with this syringe that I read about.

You don't believe in the rule of law?

Cosby got off, my friend.

I guess I believe in the rule of law, but that doesn't mean I have to think he's innocent, you know?

I got his power back.

Okay, all right.

All right.

I think just because he's not legally guilty doesn't mean that we should think that he's guilty.

Yeah, there's still many impending cases.

Sorry, I just read the headlines.

You only read headlines?

Yeah.

Well, I mean, we're very busy working on these books, I assume.

Yeah, it's tough.

I mean, are you doing a do you use these books as an escape from

the difficulties of your life?

Or like in an autobiographical sense, will you put out a book based on your divorce?

I'd like to do that.

That'd be a great way to stick it to Beth.

And I'll tell you what, I won't color inside any of those lines.

I'll be all over those lines, all over Beth's face, and Beth will be covered in the

shitty colors.

Okay, you really shouldn't be coloring in these books that you're these coloring books.

If you're selling the books, you shouldn't color them.

I always color one myself, and I give it away to fans.

Oh, do you have a lot of fans?

I got a handful, three or four.

Yeah, great.

Yep.

In the adult coloring book community,

well, a lot of the nurses that were there when my parents died.

You're still close with them?

They kept in touch.

Okay.

Because it's probably a very memorable day for them as well.

Yeah.

I always get a phone call and they're laughing.

How you doing?

Just the sight of those two chalk outlines next to the potatoes.

Are they laughing

at you?

What are they laughing at?

The way you said it made me concerned.

What's the call like?

Okay, so I call.

Well, why don't we reenact this?

So you be, why don't you be Jason?

Okay.

Please, oh, please, please, please, please.

Can I be in it?

Yeah, who would be in your life?

Please, please, please.

Can I be.

Well, I feel like

Jennifer could be one of the other nurses that's calling Jason, which I will be playing.

Okay, so, okay.

So,

you're Jason.

Jason, you're Jason.

Jason, you're one of the nurses, and Jennifer, you're one of the nurses.

I'm Angela.

Angela.

And I've been married for two years.

I don't know if you should be Angie just because of Jason's reasoning.

I'll be Beth.

I'll be Elizabeth.

No, no, no.

I actually think that's also going to be Anthony.

Oh, that's right.

Is there some other woman's name that's in the cell?

I'll be a Garfield.

James Garfield.

Garfield.

James Garfield.

James Garfield.

Perfect.

And scene.

Here we go.

Okay, so my cell phone rings, and it's a personalized.

I'm going to answer it, though.

I'm going to answer it.

Jason is playing Jason.

I'm going to play you, and you're one of the nurses calling me so we can get a sense of what they're doing.

Okay, just so you know, my ringtone is Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald.

Okay.

All right.

Beep, boop, beep, boop, beep, boop, beep, beep, beep, boop, boop, beep, boop.

That's you dialing.

Yep.

Yep.

Okay, shh.

Is he picking up?

He's going to pick up.

Okay.

Hello.

It's me, Jason Churley.

I bet it is.

You sad, motherfucker.

Who is this?

It's one of your nurses.

I'm also a nurse.

Oh, oh, is this James Garfield?

And

what's your name?

Abraham Lincoln.

Is this James Garfield and Abraham Lincoln?

Yes, it is.

How dare you call me at this hour?

Yeah, I bet.

What are you up to?

Nothing?

Yeah, nothing.

What kind of life do you have right now?

It's bleak.

My wife has left me.

Man, there aren't enough sticks left at the bottom of the tree for you to hit before you hit rock bottom, are there?

No.

How did you get this number?

Have you ever taken an improv class, Jennifer?

You seem to be.

This is not a debate.

You seem stuck.

Jennifer, just go with it.

Your first thought.

No more.

No more tacos.

No more tacos.

This is your campaign.

That's my first thought.

Is that part of your platform?

This is not a good campaign for me.

By the way, if it is no more tacos.

People love tacos, don't you?

No, no, but you gotta get rid of them.

Kyle liked them.

Kyle liked tacos.

Anyway, this is

I'm still a nurse.

Okay, James Carfield, I'm sorry.

All right, all right.

We're back in the scene.

We're back in the scene.

We're back in the scene.

Okay.

How did you get this number?

Leave me alone.

Turly,

you're still in the phone book.

You don't have a cell phone, you friggin' loser.

Yeah, and you.

I just need to be in the phone book in case people want to get my adult coloring books.

Are you calling to order one of my adult coloring books?

Oh, yeah.

Just so you know, it's a coloring book for adults.

If that wasn't clear already from the title Adult Coloring Books.

Now that you phrased it that way, I get it.

I'd like to purchase zero.

I'll take one.

Oh, thank you, James Garfield.

Hey, I'm here too.

Dunjamin Cuef.

Yeah, it's me.

Dunjamin Cueef, get off this call.

I'm just fucking watching these two.

You fucking Marmot.

You're smoking it.

Get out of here, you Marmot.

And scene.

Wow.

Great scene, everybody.

Really good scene.

Really good scene.

Good, really good.

Great scene.

Jennifer,

Jennifer, after straight up panicking there,

you really recovered pretty well.

You are white as a ghost right now.

You do not look healthy.

You are none of the colors of the rainbow.

Are you going to throw up again?

I feel sick.

Oh, no.

Here, here, let me get my clob out.

Oh, yeah, that's what it is.

I'm hungry.

Stuff it in this lasagna.

I I don't think you should do this.

Not in front of me.

Oh, boy.

Oh, God.

This is a crow situation here.

You guys trust my aim?

Should I go from way back here?

Don't.

You should.

Stick it right in your mouth.

All right, so you're going to need to kiss it or kind of lick the

or lick it.

Oh, this is gross.

Jason.

Oh, God.

This is Earwolf, not Airwolf.

Come on, don't do this.

Here comes the clobber.

Here comes the clobber.

By the way, good catchphrase.

Ready?

Three, two, one.

Oh, God.

God, it just exploded all over her face.

Oh, God.

It does look delicious.

We will say that.

You want to see?

She's a barely legal teen with cottage cheese all over her face.

With

lasagna all over her face.

What is this?

What kind of show are you wearing?

I mean, it's not this kind of show.

The show has changed.

It's not that kind of show.

The show has changed.

I'll take two.

Oh, boy.

Here comes another one.

I'll switch it.

Oh, I don't like this.

All right, before you do this,

I'll just shoot this one off in the air.

Oh, that's on the ceiling.

Oh, God.

All right, look, we're running out of time here.

We just have time for one final feature on the show, and that's a little something called plugs.

button plugs.

Ooh, it's short and sweet.

Plugs, my dear boy, by Unlovtogs.

Unlove Togs, thank you so much.

If you have a plugs theme, send it on over.

And what are we plugging?

Obviously, James, you have the house.

James?

James.

You just called me.

There are two people in this room named Jason, and you just called me James.

James, right?

What just happened?

I don't know.

What just happened?

I believe that song put me into some sort of meditative trance.

That was wild.

That's crazy.

Why did I call you James?

I don't know.

I don't know.

But hey, bless you.

There's the lasagna coming up.

Are you okay?

You need another cloud.

I'm allergic to lasagna.

Oh, no.

Oh, no.

That's my animal.

Lasagna?

Yeah.

Is your pet?

Yeah.

All right, James Manzoukas.

Oh, God.

You have The House.

The House above the title.

In theaters.

I still haven't seen that poster.

In theaters tomorrow.

In theaters,

tomorrow, June 30th.

Please go and see it, everybody.

And then, obviously, the How Did This Get Made podcast on the Earwolf Network.

Of course.

I want to plug, let's see.

You know, a couple weeks ago, I believe, my issue of Deadpool and Spider-Man came out in the Trade Paperback.

Also, Paul Scheer,

other host of the How Did This Get Made podcast, he wrote an issue or co-wrote an issue, as well as Jerry Duggan.

That is in the trade paperback right now.

People can get that.

That TPB.

Order that TPB.

Speaking of comics, we're going to be out at Comic-Con this year

doing a show on Thursday night the 20th.

I'm not sure if tickets are on sale yet.

As of this recording, they're not.

But keep watching.

Are you nervous at an event like Comic-Con that there won't be people who are fans of your show that were willing to come and see it?

That's happened a few times.

It's all nerds.

It's like all nerds in one place.

I thought you were being serious, but no.

No, no.

I mean,

has there ever been a time where a comedy bang bang didn't have like max max audience?

I was going to say that a couple of times at the House of Blues, they tend to give out tickets to radio stations.

I get it.

And so there will be a pocket of like 20 people going, what the fuck is it?

Like, literally saying,

what the fuck is this?

Ooh, I love that.

Why I stopped doing shit.

Ooh, I wish I want to be on that show.

It's no good.

And let's see.

Jennifer, what are you plugging?

Hey, well, vote for me for student body president.

Obviously, that would be, I guess, first day of school people are going to vote?

Yeah, vote for spot.

Vote for spot and there's one for spot.

X marks the spot.

No, that's that's not it.

I'm just saying that you put your X next to spot and that would be how you would vote for it.

No.

That would have been better.

Wait, what is what is your

slide?

Yeah, it's vote the number potato and then spot.

Okay, vote.

Vote potato spot.

Vote potato spot.

All right, well, you know.

Now, just out of curiosity, is it a visual of a potato or is it the word potato?

Or Or is it like a potato?

Like for you, do you think of number potatoes?

Number potato.

Pictograms?

Okay, it's all right.

It doesn't matter.

It's not the number potato.

So vote for spot.

Got it.

Vote for spot.

And then also

follow Mary Holland on Twitter, Adam Holland85, and check out Shrink on CISO.

What do you think?

Do you think that she didn't get on Twitter before 84 other Mary Hollands got on Twitter?

I think that's exactly what the issue is.

Oh, what an idiot.

And why not?

I think she's great.

Why not Mary Holland85?

Why is it anytime I try to tag her and stuff, I have to remember, oh no, there's no A-R-Y.

I'm doing my best in the world.

I'm doing my best.

It's Mary?

No.

My name's Jennifer.

Yeah, no, I know.

But is it M-A-R-Y?

No, it's M-Holland85.

Oh, it's M-Holland.

I'm sorry.

You'll never forget now.

Oh, boy.

And check out Shrain Ciso.

And

I'm performing with my team Wild Horses this

Saturday.

You said my team.

My team, and by my team,

meaning

I'm a fan of this team.

I don't feel like you're, I believe it's the 7th or so.

No, the 1st, July 1st.

July 1st, you are.

Oh, okay.

And then we have another show at Largo.

And by we, I mean this team I'm a fan of.

That's another show at Largo

on July 10th.

Yeah.

Okay, got it.

Got it.

Got it.

Okay, very good.

JT, what do you got?

Well, I'll plug my favorite Twitter comedian who mostly just retweets stuff that other people tweet.

Why is he your favorite then?

Because I love it.

I love watching people retweet things that have been tagged in and then mostly ignore Twitter.

At Tim underscore balts.

And then

I'll plug Shrink on CISO.

Check out CISO now while the time is right.

It truly is ripe right now.

And then watch Bedillion Dollar Properties.

There are count of one, two, three seasons on CISO.

as well.

Big CISO fan, huh?

Huge CISO head.

Hey, well, here's my CISO hat my CISO choker, and my CISO wristband.

CISO choker.

Yeah, that's right.

That seems like swag that maybe bankrupted the company.

Jennifer, how many seasons do you think Bajillion Dollar Properties has?

Probably, I got to say it's.

It's not potato.

Oh, interesting.

Basil?

Basil?

Okay, so we got Basil, Potato, and Farts.

We're get Mark.

And Blaf,

Blarf is in one through nine because he was the quarterback.

Yeah, but that's just Fart's name.

That's Fartz.

Yeah, I said Fart.

You said Fartz.

Okay, look.

You said Fartz.

All

You said farts.

Sorry, the CISO choker is getting off Eric Rain.

One final thing I would like to say.

Well, before we do that, let's close up the old plug.

Before we close it out.

All right, very long.

James Manzukas, what did you want to say?

I just wanted to say, I hope sincerely that you both, you know, find your way through these terrible breakups that you're going through.

And I believe that you will come out stronger on the other side.

You wish.

What does that mean?

Thanks, man.

You know, my next adult coloring book is going to be a situation of you telling me that.

Oh, wow.

How many pages does just that little chunk?

Well, it's a short one, so maybe 950.

Okay, you're like the Stephen King of adult coloring books.

Who's that?

You don't know who Stephen King is.

Have you watched The Mist recently?

On Spike?

Yeah, I wake up every morning and watch The Mist on Spike.

That should tell you everything you need to know about Stephen King.

All right, guys, this has been a fun one.

Good luck to everyone.

Jason, it's always a pleasure to see you.

Always a delight.

Please come back soon.

Thank you for making the time.

Thank everybody.

And you guys, you know.

I love you.

Okay.

Oh, you know what?

I would love to see how the election goes at some point in the future.

Please come back and let us talk to you again.

Oh, I will, yes, post-election.

Hopefully, it'll be a celebratory interview.

Obviously, this will be post-Labor Day when school gets back in session, I would imagine.

Obviously, okay, okay,

and I'll definitely be back if lasagna doesn't crack through the back of my skull.

Okay, good luck with that.

Thanks.

All right, we'll see you next time.

Thanks.

Bye.

Hey, everybody, it's Paul Scheer, host of How Did This Get Made, a podcast that covers the best, worst movies.

This week, we're diving into the brand new War of the Worlds reboot starring Ice Cube.

Yes, the movie that got 2% on Rotten Tomatoes.

Ice Cube is saving the world from aliens via his computer.

It's so convoluted, this plot, but basically, if you have an Amazon account, you can save the day just like Ice Cube.

There is so much going on in this movie, so join me, June, Diane, Rayfield, and Jason Jason Manzukis, as we break down every bizarre choice and every Ice Cube one-liner on this week's episode of How Did This Get Made?

The podcast that makes sense of movies that don't.