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Hey, everyone.

Welcome to another bonus bang, where we re-release fantastic episodes of Comedy Bang Bang from out from behind the paywall.

I'm Scott Auckerman, the host of Comedy Bang Bang.

And this week, we are continuing with our Teenage Dirtbag series featuring some of the fun teen characters that we've had on the show.

This week, we have teenager Dash Grabum.

That's right, Dash Grabum.

Who is he?

He's a 12-year-old Pokemon trainer from the Kanto region.

And these are all things that I learn a lot about in this episode.

And

Dash comes to the show to teach us all about what he does.

He's played by Zach Reno, a great comedian.

And this is episode number 641, entitled Not My Aunt, which was originally released on February 16th of 2020.

It features Adam Caton Holland, comedian of the Grawlicks fame.

And we also have Jessica McKenna as Sherry Barrels, and of course, Zach Reno as Dash Grab'em.

It's a fun, fun episode.

I think you're going to like it.

Now, if you enjoy this and you want to hear other Dash Grab'em episodes, as well as other episodes with any of the people involved in this one, become a subscriber at cbbworld.com.

We have all the past episodes from the archives.

Every live show, ad-free new episodes, bonus shows like CBB Presents, and Scott hasn't seen so much going on over there.

We're going to be back Monday with a new episode of Comedy Bang Bang, but until then, enjoy this bonus bang.

Haters gonna hate, masters gonna bait, eating ain't cheating and the devil can wait.

Welcome to Comedy Bang Bang.

Thank you, sweet Pete Brown.

Oh, sweet Pete, the sweetest of Petists.

Welcome to the show for another week.

And by the way, not just any show, you are listening to America's Podcast.

That's right, it's been a couple of weeks since America has bestowed that honor upon us.

And by the way, when I say America's podcast,

let there be no confusion about what America I'm talking about.

I am talking about

North America,

Canada, of course,

Mexico.

I'm also talking about South America.

Anywhere within that, I'm also talking about the blessed, oh, these 50 states of ours that have banded together and worked together in one union.

But we are, of course, America's podcast.

And thank you to anyone in America who is enjoying it.

And anyone outside of America, I hope you're a lot like Dan Aykroyd in Trading Places, looking inside that restaurant window, going, wow, look at all those wonderful dishes inside.

And the food, I would imagine.

Maybe he was a little more interested in that.

Welcome to the show.

Coming up a little later, by the way, my name is Scott Auckerman.

I am coming up right now,

and in fact,

two minutes in the past.

But in the future, coming up on the show, we have a retiree and we also have a trainer.

Look, it is America's podcast, but we're never going to lose the fact that we talk to interesting people on this show.

And this episode is no exception.

By the way, congratulations to all you lovers who made love on Valentine's Day.

That's

a very important day.

And I expect to see some babies in about 10 months' time or nine and a half or so.

Coming up in,

by the way, that's right.

If you still have some residual Valentine's feeling and energy, go check out Michael Bolton's Big Sexy Valentine's Day special on Netflix.

That's something that The Lonely Island and I made, so you can still watch that and forevermore.

But coming up on the show right now, we have a comedian who has been on the show, I'm going to wager, six times.

This is his probably sixth appearance.

Hundreds of times, actually.

Hundreds of times?

Yeah, I'm that far off.

Yeah, you're way off.

Wow.

So more than just 100.

You've been on 200 or more.

Three to 400 times.

Three to 400 times.

We've only done 638 episodes of this.

I've been there for the lion's share of them.

And I appreciate it.

By the way, you are not a lion, right?

No.

Because you have a lot of facial hair right now.

Maybe more than I have.

I should have been more specific.

I was there for the Adam's share of them, which is Adam King Collins' share of the podcast I've been on.

You gave away your name there, Claude.

Oh, did you see that Lion King?

The remake?

Either.

Yes, to me.

Wonderful.

Why did you specify the remake then if you had seen both?

You could have just confidently said yes.

Well, because I wanted to know what you were talking about to prepare my next statements and opinions.

Always the lawyerly mind of Adam Caten Holland.

And I said his name too, and if you say it a third time, he will disappear.

He will be gone

from the podcast forever.

But he, of course, is a wonderful comedian.

He

is reissuing his album, Adam Caten Holland Performs His Signature Bits, which comes comes out this Friday on vinyl on Saddle Creek Records.

Please welcome back to the show Adam Caten Holland.

Welcome back.

Thanks for having me.

And I really am happy to be back because I think a lot of comedians use this podcast as a platform to plug their things.

I bet they do.

I would wager that a majority of them use this to plug their things.

I think you're right about that.

That's a wasted opportunity.

Yeah, absolutely.

What's it about for you?

You have arguably the most discerning comedy listeners in the world, and certainly all of the Americas.

Well, it's America's podcast, certainly.

100%.

And America is nothing if not discerning.

Why would you not use that opportunity to bounce some ideas off of America?

Yes.

See what sticks.

Springboard.

Exactly.

A writer's workshop.

Okay.

If you will.

What kind of ideas are we talking about?

Well,

you're known as the catchphrase guy.

I was a catchphrase guy.

Yeah.

I had a wonderful catchphrase, what's up hot dog, that I used for many years.

At a certain point, I gave it to Weird Al Yankovic, and he opens every concert by saying, What's up hot dog?

And at least he has when I've seen him.

Okay.

And he tells me he does it all across everywhere he performs in every continent.

But I've only seen him in Los Angeles, and he has done it every time I've seen him.

So I'm taking him at his word.

Yeah, he's good for it.

So I gave that one to him, and then ever since then, I have been searching for a catchphrase.

And people send their catchphrase submissions to me every single week, and I say them, and just none of them feel good not only entering my mouth, but exiting my mouth.

And I used to think my mouth, by the way, was exit only.

And then I realized the guy's got to eat.

Sure.

So, in any case,

why did you mention catchphrases?

Well, because my listen, I think your listeners who've heard my hundreds of episodes know I'm doing pretty great, but I think a lot of people who are you listening to- You're one of America's toppest comics.

Well,

one could argue, and yet, you know, last year, what did Netflix put out?

7,000 comedy specials, 8,000 comedy specials?

Specials somewhere in there, yes.

And not one of them was mine.

And I was bothered by that.

But then I thought.

Oh, have you ever done a Netflix special?

No.

They've never come knock, knock, knocking at your door?

No.

Ted Sarando?

Stunning.

But I thought I could sit and I could mope, or I could make myself a better comedian.

And what do all the best comedians have?

Well, it's catchphrases.

Whoa.

Now, explain what a catchphrase is for people who don't know how they pertain to comedians.

It's a signature exclamation that one yells out

indiscriminately and almost always in a non-sequitur fashion.

The voice is always raised.

Raised loud, and then that's how the audience can find you if they're blind.

Is that their primary purpose?

Some sort of sonar

thing for blind audiences?

A catchphrase is like...

What do we say instead of blind these days?

Vision impaired?

Maybe.

Yeah, vision impaired.

Yeah.

I mean, a picture, I think of a catchphrase as a man at a dog park in the dark trying to get his dog by yelling the loudest.

And so that's how I deliver my catchphrases.

And I thought, let 2020 be the year that Adam Caton Holland comes with a new catchphrase that fits him over the top.

So I've written some out.

So you have some options here.

You have not settled on one.

I have not settled on one.

Wonderful.

And I'd love to try them out on CBB land.

Do you want to do this for the listeners?

How do you want feedback?

I'd like to give my phone number to the listeners.

And if they would just call me directly with their opinion.

Let me guess.

Is it 1-800-each hit?

Because I fell for that already.

That's going on the catchphrase list.

That's now number nine options.

Let me guess.

Is it 1-800-each hit?

Oh, the whole thing.

All right.

Non-sequitur, Scott.

Okay.

Doesn't have to make sense.

Okay.

But yeah, my number is 720-481-1434.

Call me.

Let me know what you think of the catchphrases.

Will you pick up the phone or is it

every time?

Great.

Day or night.

Day or night.

Yeah.

Middle of the the night.

Again.

Honey,

there's one, there's another catchphrase, a critique, I guess.

It's a CBB listening.

It's a CBB listener from Brasilia, Brazil.

America's podcast.

America's podcast.

All right, hit me.

Catchphrase one.

My name is Adam Caton Holland.

Sometimes I refer to myself as ACH.

Do you now?

Yeah.

You can't spell laugh until you have a bellyache without ACH.

Hold on, hold on.

back up, back up, back up.

That's the first one.

Do you start it by telling the audience that you refer to yourself as ACH?

No, because my fans know that I'm ACH.

I'm not assuming that all of CBB knows me as ACH.

I see.

Okay, so

laugh.

You can't spell laugh until you have a belly ache.

You can't.

Without ACH.

You can't spell laugh until you have a belly ache?

Without your boy ACH, Adam Cain.

That's just one option.

I'm not getting the chronology here.

One option for a catchphrase, Scott.

Okay.

Option two.

Sweet Sassafras.

My heart's broken.

Oh, that took a left turn into an area that I did not expect.

The sweet sassafras, you sounded sort of like an old-timey prospector that might be welcoming riders onto Big Thunder Railroad,

telling them and cautioning them, in fact, to hold on to their hats as well as their glasses.

And yet

after Sweet Sassafras, you find out that.

His beloved has died.

Has died.

Yeah.

The prospector's beloved.

Did you go into how the death occurred?

Yeah.

Yeah, of course, but that's the full hour, and I'm not going to give that away.

This is the catchphrase based off the bitwork.

So it's one minute of the catchphrase and then 59 describing about the

wife's death.

Okay.

Yeah, in Montana, 1888.

Catchphrase.

Don't blame me.

I'm not the one who forgot the man of Chevitz.

Are you Jewish?

Half?

You're half Jewish.

Which half?

My father's side.

The side that doesn't count.

Top half, bottom half?

The half that got me to go on a birthright trip to Israel?

For free.

That's,

yeah, okay.

Catchphrase four.

And in this one, you need to kind of use your imagination.

Picture me.

Is it important that we've numbered them?

For me, it is.

You ever go into a restaurant that has numbers on the menu, and then you order by number, and they go, which one?

And then you have to say what the thing is.

And I'm always like, well, why did you number them if you don't want me to order by number?

And by the way, there has to be a menu in the kitchen.

You can just go back and look at it.

Yeah, I guarantee the chef knows what number four is.

Yeah, exactly.

So we've numbered these in the same way so people can call you and just go, number four.

Exactly.

Okay.

That saves time and money on international calls.

Picture me carrying a bread bowl.

No, thank you from like a Perkins family restaurant bread bowl.

Like I'm carrying.

By the way, you are miming a bread bowl that is akin to a child.

Like an Exterlark's dinner plate-sized bread bowl.

Like you are Mary and Joseph carrying the swaddled baby Jesus

home from Bethlehem.

And I've come out, I poke my head out on stage.

It's the first time.

Did they live in Bethlehem?

Where do they?

No.

They were out there.

They were out in that.

Yeah, yeah, they were visiting, right?

He's a Nazareth guy.

He's a real Nazareth guy.

And they stopped in the back.

Which team did he follow?

The Nazareth Saints.

Okay.

So I've got the bread bowl.

I poke my head out from behind stage.

I'm back to the stage.

So you're not even on stage.

I'm not even on stage yet.

Poke my head out, show the bread bowl, and go, excuse me.

Is it cool if I bring my bread bowl in here?

This is the winner.

I gotta say.

As far as I'm concerned, if you started every show that way and people rose to their feet as in, like, he did it.

I'm sorry, guys.

I got a quick question before we get started.

Cool if I bring my Bread Bowl in here?

All right, that's the one I'm voting for.

I don't mean to

taint the jury pool here.

I value your opinion as much as the listeners, but I do want them to be equal weight.

Equal weight.

So all listeners

combined get one point and then one point for me.

Okay, good.

Number five, just the sound of a 1920s car horn after a judge.

Ooga.

Just that sound.

Just that sound.

And how do you presume you're going to

play that sound or are you going to imitate it?

I most often will imitate it, but I'll size up the sound guy in the booth, see if he's got the chops to kind of nail it.

If I can work with him and have a look at it.

Wait, so he's going to imitate it?

Yeah, well, no,

he's going to play his sound.

Yeah, I go to every club and

you size up the sound guy

over a lunch.

Give me your best.

Over a lunch, really.

Well, I take them out to lunch and say, do you have what it takes to do the sound using your mouth, not an effect

over the course of my stand-up show?

But mine would be, ooga.

Number seven.

Are we up to seven?

That's not my cum.

Hey, what do you want me to do about it?

Whoa, this has a second effort.

That's not my cum.

I mean, that's close.

That's a close second for me.

And then

the last one is.

This is number eight.

This is number eight.

The final one.

Final.

Oh, what do I know?

I'm just a guy that saw Hamilton on Broadway original cast.

Whoa.

So those are the options, Scott.

And I so appreciate the sounding board.

One through eight.

Yeah, one through eight.

Let 138.

One through eight.

And if you have any opinions on.

Is 138 a water?

I don't know.

138 water?

I don't know.

Let Adam know.

Give him a call.

Give him a ring-a-ding-ding.

Text, texting rates apply.

Any day, any hour of the time.

Any hour.

Yeah.

I mean, you're up all the time, pretty much.

You're in inside.

I'm working on my comedy.

Yeah, of course.

Yeah.

Always.

This is important stuff.

Thank you.

All right, wonderful.

Now, tell me about this

record that you're putting out.

This is,

you got a hold of me and you said, Scott, I need to come on the show because I have a record coming out.

I was very excited.

Like, Adam has a new thing coming out.

Then you got here and you said, oh, yeah, it's a reissue and vinyl of something old I did.

And I said, why the hell did I fall for this?

And yet here you are talking about it.

So go ahead.

As you can tell, I've been working on other comedy things that aren't quite ready to put down on wax yet.

Okay.

Whereas this was.

And the record label Saddle Creek.

That's the thing you did how many years ago?

Ooh, 11, 12 years ago.

12 years.

Last year.

Last year.

Oh, okay.

Came out last year.

And the record label Saddle Creek, known for Bright Eyes, Curse of

the band Hop Along.

Great, great record label.

Are they all hanging out at the office with you?

They're all, I think they were hanging out one day listening to some of their favorite comedy.

Yeah, I came on, they said, Let's get them.

Let's get them on the label.

Connor over there, going, Hey, man, I'm really enjoying track four.

Yeah, and Connor called me up and said, Let us put out your wax.

You're the first comic on the label.

What do you say, Adam?

I said, Let's do it.

Wow.

So, do you hope that some sort of residual cool factor or hipness washes off onto you?

My goal is to be as cool as Connor 2006.

Oh, okay.

So he's this.

He's gotten less cool since

what you're trying to say.

No, but he's a dimensional.

You're trying to say that he has just dipped in coolness.

Is it a steady decline or was it a shark decline?

He's moved laterally in coolness.

A reason.

Which is my preferred.

He's gone over to another axis line, which is not even cool anymore.

Is that what you're trying to say?

It doesn't end yet because I'm not that cool.

He made a lateral move over to something that's not cool.

Nope.

He made a lateral move to something that's equally cool on a plane that you or I don't understand.

Another dimension.

Perhaps.

Another dimension?

We'll see.

Another dimension?

We'll know when he lets us know.

Okay.

But in 2006, Connor, that's what I'm aiming for with this release.

Cait and Holland performs a signature prose.

Well, wonderful.

How can people get this?

Apparently, you have to have some sort of decoding instrument in order to play it.

Saddlecreek.com.

And you can buy the wax.

You can buy the violin signals.

But you can't just like buy the thing and then put it up to your ear.

You need a record player.

You need a record player.

All right.

Enjoy comedy how it's supposed to be gathered around with your friends and the record listening to it like it was an old dolemite record absolutely just playing at a party i'm tired of people listening to comedy without intention just popping up on your shuffled mix no sit down listen to the audio you think that you should you should bring friends over huddle them around this old-timey record player that you apparently have yeah instead of just watching your special on netflix oh that's right got this cart before the horse

okay next time i'm here we'll be promoting that off of the the success of these catchphrases.

We're right across the street over here.

Why don't you just head on over there?

I will.

And just say like...

Say Adam Caten Hall a third time.

I'll vanish and head over to Netflix.

Say Scott Ackerman sent me.

I did hear that, you know, they're very proud of their waiting room over there in Netflix.

Are they?

Because it has moving images throughout it.

It's like every wall is a huge TV screen that

creates an environment

which is representative of some of their shows.

And every 15 minutes, minutes, it changes into it.

So you'll see their home menu.

Yeah, like you'll be out there on the daredevil rooftops or whatever.

And occasionally you'll see him swinging by and you'll go, hey, Hornhead.

But

I heard that if any of their creators ever take a meeting over there, they will cycle through their particular project

in order to give them a little thrill.

Like, oh, wow.

Like, if they ever see a name of someone who made something, I have to say, I've never seen a Between Two Ferencs thing over there.

No, not once.

That's got to be a weird thing when at the end of the meeting they're like, we're going to pass.

And they've just propped you up with all of your stuff on the way.

And we like that old stuff better.

Yeah.

Well, this is great.

Check that out on Saddle Creek or Record or whatever it is.

And

Adam, Caden Holland, anything in the pipeline that we need to talk about?

New podcast, Grolux.

The Grolux Saves the World with me and my Grawlicks buddies.

What is this now?

This is a lovely little podcast for me and my two friends, Ben Roy and Andrew Overdahl.

Both have been on the show, maybe.

I know Andrew has.

Maybe not Ben.

I can't remember.

Maybe all three of you?

Okay, great.

We better ourselves through passive-aggressive self-help challenges.

So

we identify a problem with each other and we set out to fix it each episode.

Okay, so if there's a problem, yo, you'll fix it.

Exactly.

Okay.

Yep.

Great.

All right.

Well, what a wonderful plug to end this segment on.

Really ended on a high note.

Yeah, before we get into the next one, is it cool if I bring my Bible in here?

Yes.

sorry.

Yeah.

It's leading the pack.

It really is.

You know what?

Before we take a break, why don't we go to our next guest?

Why don't we do that?

Absolutely.

That would be fun.

You know, we still got a little time here before we need to take a break.

So why don't we talk to her?

She is a retiree.

Please welcome Sherry Barrels.

Sherry Barrels is here, and I am so sorry.

I just came from a class.

I'm sorry.

I just came from a class.

You came from a class?

Yeah, I just came from a class.

Oh, sorry.

Oh, sorry.

Let me put it in.

I'm coming in kind of a little higgly-biggly.

I want to take off my puffy jacket.

I want to just put down my three drinks.

I just want to get settled.

That is a,

when you said puffy jacket, you're not lying.

I mean, that is very puffy and multicolored, and there appears to be sparkles on it.

It's a great jacket.

You know what?

I got it for my niece, and she didn't like it, so I kept it.

And I like it.

How old is your niece?

She's 14, so she's impossible to buy for.

That is an interesting style of clothing.

Things that can be worn by

10 to 14 year olds or elderly women.

Well, you know, elderly, Scott, hold your tongue.

I beg your pardon.

What is age?

Hold it.

Okay.

Hold it.

Thank you.

I'm just your aunt who recently retired and is coming from a class.

Okay.

Not my aunt, but.

Just your aunt.

Recently retired, coming from a class.

The royal aunt.

The royal aunt.

Real quick, coming from a class.

Today was such a remarkable class, Scott.

What class are you going to?

So, you know, you know, a lot of people, they wish they were young again.

Oh, they idolize their 20s.

They put it up on a pedestal.

Nostalgia, they call it.

That's right.

Comes from the Greek.

And they, me,

my whole life, I always wanted to be retired.

You know why?

Why is that?

Because I knew I'd finally have time to take some classes.

Oh,

broaden your minds.

Adam, you ever take any of these classes at the community college or anything?

I've been dying to.

I don't have the time.

Don't have the time.

We're working.

You're working on your comedies.

I do whatever this is.

I take two classes at the community center.

Today I came from a class at the rec center.

Whoa.

Yeah.

And today was a class about making your own mosaics.

Making your own mosaics.

Making your own mosaics, Scott.

This would be hard to make someone else's.

That's right.

Unless you sold it to them.

I guess so.

And then it becomes their mosaic.

And isn't that just like a mosaic?

That's sort of like, that's perfect because I don't know what you mean.

Well, you know, mosaic takes a bunch of unrelated parts and puts them together into something new.

Right.

And if I put my parts in, then I gave it to you, well, all of a sudden, it's kind of your part.

I don't, this sounds like a me too situation.

You giving me your parts.

I don't think so, Scott.

I'll let you know.

Okay, let me know.

I'll let you know.

Let me know.

I'll give you a class on that.

Oh, you do?

I'll let you know.

Yeah, I'm Sherry Barrels, your ann, who came from a class.

You have a, by the way, you have a great Flintstones name.

Oh, do I?

Yeah, I think, isn't Barrel a rock?

Oh, you know, I always thought of my name more as like, oh, oh, this

Spanish galleon went down and we got a bunch of barrels of sherry, a bunch of sherry barrels.

Oh, it's barrels as in B-A-R-R-E-L-S?

Yeah, that's right.

Not B-E-R-Y-L-S.

No, no, sherry barrels.

Like, oh, what is this?

A vermouth?

Like a bonanza.

We found all these barrels of sherry.

That's right, yeah.

Oh, hooray, sherry barrels.

Have you had any cocktails with sherry?

Have I, what?

Have I any cocktails with sherry?

Have Have you ever tried a sherry cocktail?

Oh, I, oh, uh, uh, uh, oh, sorry.

What about you, young man?

You ever tried a sherry cocktail?

I don't know if I have.

What's a cocktail that has sherry in it?

I'm struggling with this one.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Well, you know, you can put them in.

You can, sometimes you can mix them with wine themselves.

You can have it just on the rocks.

You know, it depends on what kind of sherry we're working with.

Like a Red Bull and Sherry.

Sure.

Okay.

That's fun.

I can do that.

Is it a type of cooking wine?

It can be.

You can have a cooking sherry, but you can just sip on a sherry.

It's related to a vermouth so i don't know you could try to make a martini with it i'm not saying it'd be good i'm gonna ask my friend padre he's in my women's studies class at the community college i'm gonna see and he is also a bartender well sorry padre's a bartender that's right yeah and so i'm gonna ask him can i ask him right now is padre his first name or his last name because i i know someone with a last name of padre i thought it was a san diego padre i thought it was a priest I can I ask him right now.

Yeah, please.

Okay, I'm going to send him a WhatsApp.

One second.

Why are you going through WhatsApp?

Do you need some secure messaging system?

I don't know.

My niece put it on my phone a few years ago to bond, and I haven't taken it.

Okay, all right.

And then, you know, Padre, he kind of made fun of it.

He said, oh, WhatsApp?

What are you, a British tween?

And I said, oh, thanks for talking to me.

And I...

All right, that's so nice that you thank people for you didn't thank me for talking to you when I introduced you, but.

Oh, I'm sorry, Scott.

Thanks for talking to me.

My pleasure.

It is our pleasure to talk to people of all stars and stripes across America because this is America's podcast.

That's what I heard.

They listen to it in Costa Rica.

They certainly do.

Central America.

Central America.

Of course.

Of course.

Have you got

finished with your message to Padre?

Yeah, but you know what?

I think he's in another class right now, so it'll might be a second.

How old of a gentleman is Padre?

He's 20.

He's 20.

He's a bartender at 20.

Oh, maybe he's 21.

Okay.

Maybe he's only a bar back.

Oh, yeah.

They let them bar back.

You know, we only have, we have that sort of of grace period of like five minutes before the professor gets there for us to chat.

Okay.

So, you know, yeah, you got to compress a lot of conversation.

So he said bar, and maybe you just jumped to a conclusion.

I might have just jumped to a conclusion.

Oh, shoot.

Should I apologize to him?

Yeah, probably.

Okay, hang on.

Can I do it right now?

Yeah, please, yeah.

Okay, I'm not.

I am interviewing you, so I'm.

I'm going to go into WhatsApp.

It's okay.

I would love for you at some point to look up from your phone and actually engage me in a conversation.

But

I know this needs to be done, so go ahead.

Okay, It's done.

It is done.

Oh, okay.

You've already done it.

Yeah, that was me fret typing.

So what did you used to do before you

retired?

Yeah, I was the secretary for a middle school.

Oh, you were?

Yeah.

A secretary.

You know, the front desk person, sometimes called, you know, the office lady, sometimes just called, hey.

You know, right, yeah.

You know, when a 13-year-old just comes by and says, hey, and you're like, you get back here, Ben Hadlin.

You refer to me my Mrs.

Beryls.

Mrs.

Beryls,

are you a Mrs.

Are you actually?

I am a Mrs.

Yeah.

Yeah, you're married.

And to whom are you married?

My husband, Gregory, 34 years.

34 years old?

No, we've been married for 34 years.

I was going to say.

First, you're calling me elderly, and then, oh, I guess you were saying.

I was saying he was younger.

There I go, jumping to conclusions again.

I think you need to apologize to me.

I've got to open my WhatsApp.

Scott, do you have a WhatsApp?

I do, yeah, yeah.

Okay, feel free to reach out.

Okay, okay.

And you know his phone number, so

I put it out earlier.

You know what?

I wanted to just say I think

don't lean into the horn.

You know,

I feel like the air horn had a time, and I feel like 1920s cars, they make us nervous.

Okay.

The air horn had a time.

You know, air eh, air.

Oh, sure.

The sort of DJ air horn.

That definitely had a return.

Before I retired, a lot of the kids at Tuffery Middle School would walk by and just go, eh, eh, air.

And I'd say, it's Mrs.

Barrels.

Well, this is,

we are coming up on a break, if you don't mind, Mrs.

Barrels.

Oh, no, I'm so sorry.

I have plenty more I wanted to ask you about.

Great.

Including all of your classes and what you've learned.

Oh,

so many classes.

I would imagine.

But we do need to take a break.

Can you hype anything to get people to come back on the other side of this?

I'd love to.

One of the classes I took involved fire.

Whoa, one of the elements.

Oh, cool.

One of the five elements.

Hot chi-cha-chi.

The fifth element, of course, is love.

All right, well, we need to take a break.

When we come back, we're going to hear all about this incredible fire class.

Maybe it was a class to make fire, but it was already

fire.

It was not.

It was not.

It was not.

But it incorporated fire in some manner.

That's right.

All right, wonderful.

When we come back, yes, Adam.

I was just going to say, and remember, you can't spell laugh until you have a belly ache.

I don't know.

Without ACH.

I just

don't think it even makes sense.

After the break.

After the break.

All right, we're going to take a break.

When we come back, we will have more from Adam Caden Holland.

We'll have more from Sherry Barrels.

We'll be right back with more comedy bang bang after this.

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I mean, they're two, one's two words and one's one word, first of all.

That's confusing right off the bat.

And then they're totally different

letters, although the A's,

there still are two A's, but the G and the M, those aren't in Wayfair, and the W and the

Y is in both.

I mean, this is pretty similar, actually.

Game day, Wayfair.

I mean, you might think about it, but one reason you should is because Wayfair, right?

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She ordered a giant skeleton for Halloween,

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Comedy Bang Bang, we're back here with Adam Caden Holland.

He just reached for his water and the break ended.

Feel free to go.

go on.

I blew it.

I had a window and I should have

a window while we were selling all those products.

But if you want to, you can

bring some of that H2O and mix it in with the H2O in your body if you want to.

Thanks, Scott.

Hey, boys, I'm sorry I didn't ask you this.

Do either of you want a snack?

Ah, what do you have?

I mean, it just depends on what you have.

I have salt and pepper cashews.

I have

salt and pepper cashews.

Yeah, I have some dried apricots.

And I have, well, this string cheese, this ice pack didn't last as long as I thought it would.

So it's not going to be bad, but room temperature.

It won't be pleasant.

Sort of warm string cheese.

It's a warm string cheese.

It's going to taste more like the inside of a stuffed crust.

Okay.

So I'm going to say, I wish I hadn't even told you about the string cheese.

Yeah.

I still want that string cheese, though, but I want it a little cooler.

You can have the string cheese.

I'll go for the dried apricots if that's okay.

Yeah, is it okay?

Can you cool that down, that string cheese for me?

I can, oh, I could try.

Yeah, is there any way?

What would your method be uh well i probably would take it out of its wrapper and put it directly on the ice pack okay that sounds great cool that cool that string cheese okay i'm gonna cool that stringing down for you scott coming right up i like cheese that uh is in uh uh two-dimensional shapes yeah like lines yeah what about a ray array yeah how would you feel about

array you know one fixed point and it goes onward towards infinity i thought you had a friend name i'm sorry i took a geometry class.

Oh, you did.

An infinite ray of cheese.

You know what I loved about geometry and I was like, let me go back and see if I still like it.

It's math with writing.

I always thought that was neat.

With writing, meaning like creative writing?

You write those proofs and you're like, oh, let me use my little, I have to use words.

Here, I thought this was going to be all numbers.

Math primarily is numbers as well as symbols.

That's right.

And then suddenly, you're writing English words.

Suddenly, you're scribing down theorems.

Did you remember that?

Because I'd forgotten a lot of this until I went back and took a class.

Sure, theorems and corollaries.

That's right.

Absolutely.

Very good at the same time.

Which type of math is this again?

It's geometry.

Geometry.

As I recall, A squared plus B squared equals C squared.

Is that part of it?

Oh, you know it is, Scott.

You don't need to do a refresher.

Yeah.

That was all of it, really?

I don't need to do a refresher.

I don't know how much of it.

Yeah, no refresher if you have a lot of stuff.

That's like 75% of geometry.

That's most of it.

You know, it's not trig.

I'm not doing calculus.

Geometry is a lot of like, hey, it's a parallelogram, but not necessarily a square.

You know.

Yeah, all the squares, they all add up to,

what are we talking?

360 degrees?

All the corners?

That's right.

All right.

Very good, Scott.

ACH, do you have anything to add?

You get into that quadratic formula in geometry.

You know what?

You kiss it.

You kiss it.

Just tangentially approach it.

Sort of like brush its lips.

Sort of like the cliffhanger I gave the listeners.

Oh, that's right.

That's right.

To get you hooked on more math classes.

That's right.

I totally forgot about that cliffhanger, and how could I when it was so exciting?

You took a class that incorporated fire.

That's right, Scott.

And will you reveal that class to the listeners and both ACH and myself probably around now?

I will.

The class was, can you believe it?

Glass blowing.

Glass blowing.

Wow.

Glass blowing.

So guess what?

Sherry Barrels made herself a sherry bottle.

You did?

Yeah, and I don't know how to make sherry, so I just buy sherry and put it in it.

Well, you didn't take a sherry-making class.

How would you know how to make it?

That's right.

Good one, Scott.

Not yet.

How would you even make sherry?

You'd like leave out some cherries or something?

It's like a fortified wine, I think, sort of.

What does that mean?

You know, like, you know, like a port or a.

Sure, but how do you even make port?

Fortified.

It's within the castle walls.

You protect it.

Yeah, you make it real.

You just lower the drawbridge, right?

Yeah, you give it a ring, and you know, you say, you're safe because I got you on film.

You fortify that one.

So you obviously did not take a winemaking class.

No, no, no, nor a wine education class.

Okay.

But you did take this glass blowing.

Tell us all about it.

I mean, this is an ancient art, certainly.

I don't know if glass existed before we knew how to blow it or whether people were like, hey, look at that glass.

I wonder if we could blow it.

I don't, I mean, maybe you know this in the class.

Okay, that's a great question.

So actually, there is no glass before heat could be, you know,

it's just hot sand.

It is, it's hot sand.

It's hot, hot sand.

Now, I've gone to the beach with hot sand before.

It needs to be much hotter.

Much hotter than the human

or Earth, I guess, or in the Americas.

Yes.

Can heat up?

That's right.

Although, can it heat up?

How hot does it have to be?

Oh, Scott, it needs to be many degrees in Celsius.

Many in Celsius.

I'll tell tell you what, with global warming the way it is, all of our beaches are probably going to turn to glass at some point.

Can you imagine just you're in a spaceship and you're tootling around this Milky Way and you see a planet and it's all glass and you're just like, this is, it looks like a diamond.

Yeah, I think you guys need to be careful to not make climate change sound too awesome.

But I mean, if you were an alien, it would be fucking awesome.

Yeah, he is so beautiful.

Oh, just glass meeting an ocean.

Just reflecting, and like you can see Mars in the reflection.

Oh my gosh, I love it.

And it's like, ooh, look at that.

Look at our spaceship.

It looks so cool.

No one talks about how beautiful it all could be.

It could be so pretty.

It's all doomsdays.

Glass can happen from lightning hitting some sand on a beach.

Did it really now?

Yeah, so that's hot.

No.

So how much glass would that take?

So if I wanted some glass

and I was like, I don't know how to make it.

I don't know how to heat up this sand, but maybe I'll just stand on the beach and wait for lightning to hit it.

How much glass would I have?

You'd have about a small ashtray worth.

Really?

That's not bad.

Yeah.

For a smoker like me?

Five packs a day?

This guy, uh-oh.

Scott, tell me that's not true.

Why would that not be true?

Well, because, you know, sometimes when our teacher had like was homesick, I would sub for the health class at the middle school, so I can give you a lot of facts.

Oh, you can't.

Okay, but by all means, go ahead.

Scott.

Good luck.

He's heard every argument.

Yeah, we're gonna lie.

There's no way that I'm quitting.

Fact one, it's bad.

It is?

Yeah.

Well, why the hell am I doing it?

I don't know, Scott.

Fact two, it's cool.

That's why you're doing it.

That's why you're doing it.

That's right.

Okay, those balance each other up.

It's cool only on a plane that we've moved past.

Oh, it's only laterally cool.

So it's not a Ray.

No.

Okay.

No.

By the way, did you ever get Padre's name?

Padre's last name?

Last name, first name?

You didn't know.

No,

he's still in his journalism class.

Oh, it's a journalism class?

That's the class he's in, not the one that we take together, which is women's studies.

Okay.

Which I, the way that Padre and I first started talking is I sat down and I said, time to study myself.

And he was the only one that laughed without any tone of derision.

And I thought, that's a nice young man.

Was it an uncomfortable laugh?

Like, I'm going to fill the silence.

No, everyone else did that and kind of went, oh boy, who's this old lady?

And Padre went, that was pretty funny.

Oh, he did.

Okay.

So that's a good thing.

So 20-year-old Barback.

Yeah.

Thought it was pretty funny.

He does.

Now he's taking a journalism class.

Is he learning how not to bury the lead?

He's taking a full, you know, he's taking a full load of classes.

Whereas I'm just a retiree who's dabbling.

Cherry barrels, your aunt who just came from a class.

Okay, right, but not my aunt.

No, no, no.

So he's the one who told me the term journalistic you, though, because I was like, I'm just your aunt who came from a class.

And he's like, you're not my aunt.

And I said, well, there's got to be some other.

And he's like, oh, it's like a journalistic you.

Oh, wow.

What a great guy.

I wish we knew his other name.

Yeah.

Or maybe Patre is a nickname.

We don't know.

I think it's just his first name.

You think it's his first name?

Yeah.

Yeah.

Or maybe a nickname, though.

Like, maybe

they call him Patreon.

He gave out some sort of

you know theological advice at some point.

You know what?

He's obsessed with wearing mandarin collars.

Maybe people are ribbing him for that.

Hmm.

I'm still not convinced it's not San Diego Padre Eric Hosmer.

It could very well be the first baseman, Eric Hosmer of the Padres.

Is he 20 years old and a barback?

He's 20 and a barback.

He could be.

He very well could.

We don't know.

San Diego.

If you watch one of those baseball games, they last three and a half hours sometimes.

They never talk about their other jobs.

Well, and they're always going down to the dugout, disappearing for an hour.

You know what?

A dugout if not a barback, you know.

What is a dugout if not a bar back?

Yeah.

It's okay.

Can I write that down as a potential catchphrase off?

I would be honored.

What is a dugout if not a bar back?

Okay, now we got 10 choices.

So you've made one thing in your glass blowing class.

That's right.

The sherry bottle.

A sherry.

And you had to buy sherry in order to fill it up.

That's right.

Does that feel sort of like a bait and switch to you of like, I got this great bottle, but it can't just be a bottle?

Well, I now use the sherry bottle as a vase.

You do?

Yeah.

So the sherry is totally got, how long did it take you to drink the sherry?

Well, no, I put, okay, the sherry, the sherry bottle that I got at the store.

Yeah.

That one is a vase.

I used to put it.

That's a vase.

So you have two bottles.

So you made a bottle,

but then you had to buy another bottle in order to fill that bottle.

Bottle with sherry.

And now you had to then buy flowers to put into that bottle.

Yeah, right now I have to.

Where did the flowers come in?

The flowers came in brown paper.

Brown, but what did you do with that?

Well, with that, I made a little puppet for my niece.

And did she like it as much as the jacket?

Not the 14-year-old one.

Oh, okay.

No, no.

Younger?

Younger, yeah.

Okay.

This one is six, and I made it from Ryan's World.

What is Ryan's World?

I don't want to tell you, Scott.

I don't want to tell you.

Ryan's...

He's a millionaire kid on YouTube who gives you toys.

I don't want to tell you.

Well, it just seems like this has created so much more trouble for you, although I guess at the end of it, you have a wonderful puppet show for your six-year-old niece.

Yeah, I think it's all right.

And, you know, when people come home.

And you're drunk and you're sipping.

sipping on.

And your house smells like flowers.

I'm sipping on this.

This is a happy ending.

It's a happy ending.

All right, wonderful.

Well, look, Sherry,

and again, it is not like the Flintstones name where it would be B-E-R-Y-L-N.

No, it's like the way you'd go down Niagara Falls.

Right.

If you were some sort of stunt performer.

If you were some kind of daredevil.

Or suicidal.

A-C-H?

Okay, bud.

Okay.

I'm just saying there's a lot of ways to go over them falls.

That's true.

Would you go in a barrel in that scenario?

Yeah, I think you would just take a header right off using your.

Nah, you might as well just gamble.

You want a little bit of protection?

You know how it's going to wind up, but there's a chance.

The way that struck me to my core when he said that is kind of like how I felt when I was listening to like 2006 Era Bride Eyes.

Thank you.

There's a pathos underlying all of this.

That was some real I Want to Lover, I Don't Have to Love stuff right over there.

It's a siren song to Saddle Creek.

Well, look, Sherry, hang tight if you could, because we have to to get to our next guest.

Hang tight.

I might take a surfing class later.

That would be Hang Ted.

But you'll learn that on the first day, I would imagine.

Let us introduce him.

He is a trainer.

Oh, I know this person.

He's been on the show before.

He's not a physical trainer.

He is a Pokemon trainer.

Please welcome back to the show, Dash Grabum.

Oh, Scott.

Oh, you're yelling too.

Oh, every day.

That's how you greet each other in my world.

You scream at each other from about 20 feet apart, and then you battle.

Well, we're not going to battle because we're friends, right?

Yes.

We've never battled.

Is that correct?

We have never battled.

You, to my knowledge, don't have any Pokemon with you.

I carry no Pokemon,

neither on my person, nor do I have any at home if you're thinking about performing some sort of a B ⁇ E on my house.

Eggles and eggs?

I don't believe so.

By the way, this is Adam.

Hi, Adam.

Hello.

He likes to be known as ACH.

Yeah.

Which may tie into something he may say at some point.

Oh, chance.

Oh, you're looking for a catchphrase.

I am.

I get that.

There's a bunch of catchphrases in my world, too.

Oh, yeah.

There's a famous one that's, you are my selection.

And then you throw a Pokemon.

That's a pretty good one.

It's not bad.

Maybe if I was to yell that out at my show,

I'd certainly get the Pokemon people on board.

I mean, you get them to battle you for sure.

Are my selection.

Oh, that means you're battling at that point.

Someone chooses a Pokemon, they throw a Pokemon, and you yell, you are my selection.

People are not selecting selecting Pokemons and not battling, is what you're saying.

It would be weird for me to be like, This is the Pokemon I choose to do nothing with.

Right, just to hang out.

You don't hang out with your Pokemon?

I do, but really, there's only three that I hang out with.

Who do you hang out with?

Okay, well, there's Aqua Paolo, who's an Italian magician who I've recently discovered also has a military background, which freaked me out a little bit, but there you go.

So, there's that one.

And what does he look like?

Aqua Paolo is a sort of

an Italian lizard who is blue and stands on two legs, used to be a small frog, got much bigger and more humanoid than he was when I first got him.

And he grew in the,

what do you call your field?

He evolved twice.

He evolved twice

in a Pokeball.

In the Pokeball.

No, he did it outside of it.

Yeah, I watched him do it.

They're in a field of stasis in the Pokeball, is that?

They are time-locked.

As I understand it.

It's sort of like suspended animation.

Yes, which is convenient because if they weren't, it is a sort of torture.

Sure, but they have no cognizance or are they aware of time passing nothing nothing so it's no one in there once nothing so it's just a blip and it's like no time has passed when you go in and then you come out no it's like take your timeline is a big roll of uh what's a big thing you're talking about or like a two-dimensional fruit by the foot like a ray like a ray a fruit by the foot that goes off in one direction for forever oh because one is in your mouth that's right one direction that's reminding me of niall

oh my to your face all right never mind are you getting flushed thinking about his slow hands?

Let's continue.

Let's continue.

Dirty laundry.

I've got a river for a heart.

So there is no time elapses.

Yes, you want to be a little bit more like a fancy.

Well, I was just going to say, I have several nephews that also like Pokemon.

And

I also have one nephew who likes something called Bakugan.

Bakugan, what is that?

It seems like Pokemon, but instead you can have a small round toy that's not the round toy of a Pokeball.

Oh, so it's an off-brand.

Yeah, definitely.

Bakugan?

Bakugan, yeah.

There was a time in my life where I spent a whole weekend only hearing about Bakugan.

Well, that must be fun for you because I can imagine as an elderly woman, you're lonely and don't have a lot of companionship.

I have a very full life with my husband Gregory and my new friend Padre.

So Padre's already incorporated into your wonderful full life.

Well, you know, he will one day.

He's the promise of tomorrow, and I have, you know, so many nieces and nephews.

I love how you mentioned your husband and Padre instead of all of your nieces and nephews.

Oh, I have so many.

I'm your aunt come on what about children no no children myself oh i'm so sorry

or it's great no it's chill it's chill padre talks like that that's very cool thanks yeah so dash uh who are the other two pokemon that you hang out with there's trisha trisha trisha what is trisha's deal trisha is uh electric poison spike monster electric poison spike monster and what what does trisha look like and why do you like to hang out with her i like to hang out with her because she plays the bass real good She plays the bass real good?

She plays it so good that it blows other Pokemon up.

Oh, that's her power.

That's her thing.

Wow.

Wow.

Trisha plays the bass.

But the powerful bass line that blows up Pokemon has no effect on you?

So far, no.

I mean, it probably would aimed it at me, but they don't because they can only attack other Pokemon.

I think I've talked about this before.

Yeah, how do you ensure that?

I mean, it's sort of honor code, I guess.

The people that use their Pokemon against people are criminals in my world.

Is this like a do-no-harm AI situation?

What?

Is this like a do-no-harm AI situation?

What?

AI no.

Is this like a do-no-harm?

A-Harm incense?

Is this?

Eggs and bagels?

Is this a do-no-harm AI situation?

Oh, like you program a robot and one of its directors is to do no harm.

That's right.

No, I think they're just pretty much agree-like Pokemon.

They're disagreeable types?

Yeah, they're mostly agreeable types.

Well, and they're all probably very young because they only have a little bit of time.

time outside the Pokeball, right?

Yeah, I never thought about that.

So their cognizance, their emotional development is probably their,

they've only spent a few days outside.

They're like babies.

Sure.

I mean, well, like animals in your world, I think they probably grow at a faster rate, right?

Like, you have like dog years, like, you would call a dog old if it was 19, but by human standards, that's not very old.

That'd be a very old dog.

That's a great point.

I took a zoology class, and you know, most like prey animals can walk as soon as they come out of the womb, basically.

A little wobbly, but then they can get growing up.

But just

as soon as they come out of the womb, they can blast you with fire and thunder and lightning and eyes.

Like that, immediately.

So now let's talk about this third Pokemon that you like hanging out with.

Zig Zagoon.

Zig Zagoon?

Zigzagoon.

Okay, tell us about Zig Zagoon.

He's a little black and white badger dog with stars on his eyes.

He's not really good at battling.

Stars for eyes or stars on his eyes?

Around it.

Think of his coloring.

Think like the band kiss in his eyes.

Yeah.

He's just a good bud.

And he is a good bud to you.

Oh, yeah, he's great.

All right.

And why do you hang out with those three and not the rest?

Because you have...

How many Pokemons do you have?

I let the rest go.

I let them all go on a few.

I just let them all go that's fine.

Like pretty frequently.

And then I forget the ones I have, so I'll let them go.

I had a Blastois for a while.

I think Blastois.

Andy Richter, I believe, was one of my Pokemon briefly.

I had a Charmander who was an arsonist.

I had a ghost who was very scary.

For a while, I only kept ones that were criminals.

And we had a sort of like suicide squad operation going on.

Oh, right.

And how did you get them to obey your directives?

It was like sort of, I had.

Because the suicide squad, you know, they had those collars around their necks where if they disobeyed any order, and this is a spoiler alert for suicide squad, I don't know.

I'm going to cover my ears.

Okay.

But they would press a button and Amanda Waller, their heads would just explode.

That's not suicide.

That's murder.

That's murder.

They should have called it murder.

They're just pressing the button on the squad.

Or at least manslaughter squad, I don't know if, you know, because it was a military operation, if whether they could be charged even, although it was off the books.

So if there was congressional oversight over it, then perhaps.

The books.

What does that make you think of?

Nothing, really.

Then why did you say it like that?

The books.

Oh, okay.

I don't know.

I don't know.

I don't know.

Feels good to say.

Maybe.

I know.

It feels like drop the the.

Yeah, maybe think about that for later on in the show, though.

If I talked to Padre about Suicide Squad, would you think it was cool?

He's 20 and a barbecue.

Yeah.

He would love it.

Okay.

Can I ask a question?

Yeah.

How do you tell the difference between your police officers?

Well, they have badge numbers, which if you take it down,

is always a fun thing to say, like, let me see your badge number, and then nothing ever happens to them.

Does he also have jurisdiction over different areas?

Yeah, that's how I've been sort of keeping track, except that all the police officers in my world look exactly the same, and they're all named Jenny, and they're all cousins.

They're all cousins to each other?

Yep.

Interesting.

And they're all Officer Jenny.

Officer Jenny.

Can I be real?

They're every single one.

I was like, GG smoke show.

What?

Whoa.

Wait a minute, Dash.

Valentine's Day energies.

Dash, aren't you just a 12-year-old boy?

Didn't we establish that earlier?

I am not just a 12-year-old boy, Scott.

I am a 12-year-old boy.

So you are really coming into your own here.

You're interested in one of the Officer Jenny's?

I'm interested in

all of the officers, Jenny.

Do they say that they're cousins?

Wow.

Well, I had to ask because I saw an officer Jenny, and I was like, oh my gosh, I just saw you back in Palettown.

She's like, I don't work in Palettown.

My cousin works in Palettown.

And it happened over and over and over again.

So

instead of getting to know one of them, you want to take on all of them at the same time.

I have a niece, Jenny.

Is she a cop?

No, she's

not.

She can tell us if she's a cop.

She's studying anthropology at Dartmouth.

What's that?

Uh, it's the study of ancient civilizations.

Is there an ancient civilization where you're from?

Because it seems like these Pokémon are primordial forces that uh have been around for a long time.

Yeah, and they they harness all of the elements.

We talked about the five earlier.

Oh, no, there's way more.

Well, I guess you have elements, we have more than you do.

What are yours?

Well, we have air, water, earth, fire, and love, love, also flying, also ground, flying as an element, also darkness, ground as earth, also fairy, darkness, is earth.

Also plant.

Earth.

Metal.

We mention all these.

China.

Steel.

We mentioned all these.

Fire.

Earth.

Air.

Plant.

Wind.

Water.

Oxygen.

Okay, look.

Air.

Ghost.

Ghosts.

The ghost element.

That's an element.

Dragon.

Spectral.

Ghost.

We call it ghost.

Haunting.

Miss Barrels, we call it ghosts.

Okay.

You have a lot of cool things out there in your world.

Where do you come from again?

I'm from the Kanto region.

The Kanto region, yes, of course um

yeah no we have ancient stuff there's like a pokemon that's said to be the beginning of all pokemon and we tried to pokemon prime kind of more or less and we patient zero pokemon yeah it's called mew and we tried to clone it and it did not go well really yeah we made mew too and then mewtwo sort of ran amok

and uh

well killed a bunch of people Scott

People not other Pokemon humans.

I mean, they don't show it, but the facility where they worked blew up.

Mewtwo did not have do no harm.

Oh, no, not Jenny either.

Mewtwo was, well, I mean, I hope not, but also, how would I know?

There's so many of them.

Nurses are the same, by the way.

Nurses?

All the nurses are named Joy.

Pokemon nurses, not human nurses in the hospital.

But where does Joy, all the joy's rather?

At the Pokemon Center of each individual,

let me finish.

Let me finish.

Healthcare for all.

How do they rate on the Smokeshow scale?

Also, also,

I feel bad numerically rating women, but all tens.

Really?

Yeah.

And these are like California tens?

Yeah.

Well, they're Kanto 10s.

These are not Cincinnati 10s.

I guess they're Kanto 10s.

They're Unova 10s.

They're

Galar 10s.

They're both, they're just beautiful women.

My nephew Dominic is dating a lady named Joy.

Oh, really?

She was at Thanksgiving.

Wait, I got one.

Oh, yes, we liked her.

She was kind of quiet, but we thought, okay, Jury's still out, but it's looking good.

What about this one?

You can't reach the Cantu region without A-C-H.

I feel like a lot of these catchphrases are getting pretty Pokemon-specific.

Yeah.

And that's good.

Yeah.

I mean,

take the Pokemon out of it.

Fight me, coward, and I'll grind you into the dirt.

Now we're talking.

Now here we go.

Fight me, coward, and I'll ground you into the dirt.

How about, uh,

can I bring my Snorlax on stage?

You're what now?

Can I bring my snorlax on stage?

Slowax?

Snorlax.

Snorlax.

Big sleepy bear.

Lox Rhodes.

Gotta wake it up with a flute.

Dash,

I mean, you're a 12-year-old boy.

Sorry I am, Scott.

It sounds like Jenny and Joy, they're both professional women.

Jenny.

Maybe you'd have more luck dating one of your Pokemon.

Or does that feel weird dating what is essentially a slave to you?

I don't know, Scott.

You wanna.

It'd work for Jefferson.

You dated a lot of cats and dogs and iguanas?

You date a lot of cats and dogs and iguanas?

They're all animals?

I mean, yeah, more or less.

Do you know any 12-year-old girls that play Pokemon?

I know.

Okay, he's not asking for himself, by the way.

No, I'm taken.

Sorry, happily taken.

That's maybe a good one.

And I'm not.

By the way.

And I'm not asking for myself.

And you don't ever relate it to anything.

Just, and I'm.

By the way, that is not a good defense.

I'm taken.

I'm taken.

You're not interested at all.

There weren't 12-year-old girls that were interested.

I'm taken.

I'm sorry.

I'm taken.

There were a couple other young people that I was journeying with for a while.

There was a girl named Moistie.

She was 14.

Moisty.

She was 14.

I mean, this sounds promising right off the bat.

I mean, she trained exclusively water-type Pokemon.

Oh, okay.

But that's not an animal, water-type Pokemon?

I mean, they're all, I mean, we don't have the word, I'm trying to translate for it.

We don't have the word animal in our world.

Oh, okay.

Creature, maybe?

Sure, yeah.

You have that one.

Subjugated being for battle.

Okay, I see.

And sometimes fun.

And sometimes crime.

SBBs.

So, what happened to Moisty?

Did you keep in touch?

I still see her now and again.

I don't know that she likes me very much.

She's 14 and I'm 12.

And at this particular thing, like, that's just a huge age gap to traverse.

Yeah, but the officers, Jenny, they must be at least 18, right?

I mean, they had to have gone through Quantico and the whole training program.

That's a chasm.

That's a chasm.

I get so nervous when I talk to any of them.

When I was a secretary at Tuffrey Middle School, it's like a sixth grader's not going to go out with an eighth grader, Scott.

Yeah, but maybe sixth graders had crushes on you.

What's this word you keep using?

You worked at a what?

A middle school.

A what?

A middle school.

See, when we turn 12, we go out into the world, and that's it.

Wow.

That's how you never turned 13.

No, we turned 13, but like.

You're no longer in school?

I am apparently allowed to just do whatever I want.

Oh, that's horrible, Dash.

All year round, capturing creatures, battle them against each other.

Now that you're free, have you tried smoking?

Scott's a big fan of the colour.

Yeah.

Well, hold on.

I've heard two things about it.

One, it's bad.

Yeah.

Two, it's cool.

Let me ask you, which, what do you think?

I think that smokescreen is an effective attack for blocking out others.

All right, well, I got a pack right here.

Yeah, hold on.

I, uh, I gotta say,

you do this for fun?

Yeah, now I'm gonna.

Look at how cool he looks.

Now, now smoke all of those in that pack while I watch you.

And then we'll see if you want to smoke.

No, don't eat them.

Dash, don't eat those,

it tastes very good.

No, you don't eat them.

Oh, you know what?

Your string cheese is ready.

Oh, okay.

Oh, I'm sorry, I never gave you the apricots, ACH.

No, I've just been wondering.

Dash, would you like these salted peppers?

I can't spell apricots without ACH.

That's for sure.

Could you throw it in a curry for me?

Throw these in a curry?

Everyone in my world is eating curry.

Okay, I mean, I love that.

And I love it.

You can be

always

eating curry.

Well, you get all the food together for us.

We do need to take a break, if that's okay.

So when we come back, though, you're going to have a wonderful,

slightly cooler string cheese for me.

And we'll have some dried apricots for you and a curry for you, apparently.

By the way, that's a number 46 for me.

And you're in number 83, and that's 72.

Oh, I don't know what those are.

I can check with the chef.

Yeah, just check with the chef.

All right, we're going to be coming right right back with more comedy bang bang.

We will have Adam Kate in Holland, sherry barrels, and dash grab, and we'll be right back with more comedy bang bang after this.

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Comedy bang bang, we're back with Adam Caton Holland, who is munching on some dried apricots as we speak.

These are delicious.

Thank you so much.

So dry.

Oh, you're so welcome.

And I've been waiting for that string cheese.

Here you go.

Okay.

This is, yes.

Are you the type of person who eats it just by biting into it?

Oh, I don't bite into it, no.

You string it?

No, I don't string it.

One gulp.

All the way down the gullet.

Wow.

Like a pelican with a fish.

Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.

I have a WhatsApp.

Oh, oh, oh.

You have a wet what?

I have a WhatsApp.

Oh, a WhatsApp.

Padre is his last name.

Whoa, what's his first name?

His first name is.

Is it Todd?

No.

Okay.

It's Montgomery.

Montgomery Padre.

It goes by Monty until there were two Monty's in his senior class, so he switched to going by Padre.

There were two Montgomerys in his senior class.

Can you believe that?

Neither of them wanted to go by their full name, Montgomery.

Well, no, I think Monty, he was like, I don't like it that much.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah, they were both going by Monty.

Yeah, that's right.

After Thanksgiving dinner, I bet he's the full Monty.

You can use that with him.

Do you think he'll like it?

Well, he seemed to like your first joke.

Do you think he'll like a reference to a British movie from the late 90s?

He may.

I guess people also know that that means you're naked.

I don't know if I could say that to Padre.

We also have Dash Grab.

Have you ever seen a movie?

You know what we're talking about when we say movie?

Do you have movies in the Canto region?

Cool.

You know, my favorite one.

What's that?

It's the one

where

there's the Growleth and it plays.

The Growlocks?

Oh, I love that movie.

Oh, yeah?

It plays basketball.

Yeah, the Growlocks.

That's the Airbud 3 star.

There's no law that says a Growleth can't play basketball.

That sounds like a great movie.

It does sound like a great movie.

I think we may be talking about two different things.

Dash,

you're on the show and you said you had an exciting announcement.

Is that right?

Mm-hmm.

By all means, let us Terry no longer.

I have been invited to a vacation resort.

Whoa!

I'm thinking

hanging it all up, changing my whole deal, not being a Pokemon trainer anymore.

Now, you have not aged.

You say you do age.

I mean.

But you have not aged since we've gotten to know you, and that's been

several years as far as I'm concerned, but time seems to work differently here in the studio.

I only know how it works for me.

Right.

Are you older now than you were before?

You sort of look the same.

Every second I'm older.

Really?

Oh, yeah.

And I don't, yeah, I don't think that.

I don't think it will fill you with like a terrifying sense of existential dread.

Oh, definitely.

That you won't continue indefinitely?

Of course, but when you stare into the abyss, it stares back at you.

When I stare into the abyss, I use light-based attacks.

Okay, well, that's probably

a good strategy.

But you have not aged yet

so far.

But I'd be okay to age a little bit.

How old do you want to get to be?

Jenny's age.

Jenny's age.

How old is Jenny do you think?

Well, I was old enough to be a cop.

So 15?

Look, in the Kanto region, who knows?

I actually don't know.

Who knows?

It's kind of like a bar back.

You start around 13, 15 if you're a cop.

Yeah, you can do it a little early, yeah, especially if you're doing stuff like traffic cop.

For sure, for sure.

Now, who has invited you to this vacation spot?

A raccoon dog.

A raccoon dog?

What is a raccoon dog?

I think some places are called a tanooki.

In some places, which places are these?

The Kanto region?

Yeah.

Wait, that sounds like a Mario guy.

Oh, maybe.

That sounds like a Mario guy, Scott.

Tanooki does?

Yeah, that sounds like a Mario guy.

This all sounds like gibberish to me, so I have no idea.

When Mario gets to be a cool, fun squirrel that flies?

I don't know when that occurs.

So sometimes Mario puts on a cape and a hat and like a suit, and he's a cool, fun squirrel that flies.

He's on Mario 3, that's where that occurs.

Yeah, Mario is sort of...

Mario's kind of a big deal where I'm from.

In the Canada region, people know Mario?

Really?

Yeah, yeah.

Does he ever visit?

I mean, if there's a plumbing problem.

How often is that?

Because I know there are a lot of restaurants but no one seems to eat yeah i rarely sleep in a house so i couldn't tell you i spend most of my time in tents right so there's no sort of plumbing problem where i'm from but yeah i got a letter from a tanooki that was like you get to go on a island vacation but then i read it a little bit closer and it seems like there's actually nothing on this island and you have to go and sort of build it all and i'm worried that it's a little bit of a fire fest situation

it does sound like a trap yeah it sounds like they're trying to maybe extort you for labor dash but then he said you get to build your own house.

And then he said you get to sort of design everything on the island.

Okay.

And then he said, you get to plant all the trees and get bells.

And I said, what are bells?

And he said, bells are currency.

And I said, not where I'm from.

And he said, how are you talking to me?

This is a letter I've sent you.

And that was sort of the end of that.

conversation

communique yeah this is how i feel when i talk to most of my nephews and then i want to ask him a couple questions to bond but then i think there's no limit hold on i have to do the renegade dance from tick tock real quick yeah there's just like there's no limit.

Oh, very good.

It's very good.

It took me so long to learn.

It's really good.

I just watched a video where someone slowed it down.

Do you know about Beyblades?

Beyblades?

You know about Yokai Watch?

No, I don't know.

Sherry is having a meltdown.

She's never going to know anything you're talking about.

Hold on, hold on.

I got it, though.

I had an idea for you.

Okay.

If you made

a haunted house

in a cherry orchard,

it could be Sherry Beryl's cherry peril.

This is not bad.

That's very good.

You know what, Scott?

I want to go ahead.

You book me for October so I can talk about the inevitable Sherry Barrels.

This is going to be the Halloween episode, so we're not doing Suicide House anymore.

We're doing Sherry Barrel's.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no.

No, no, I'm not here to take anything from anyone.

I just mean either.

No, no, we're not doing those anymore.

In the month of Scares.

Okay.

It doesn't need to be through.

Sherry Barrel's cherry apparel.

I was going to say you come back in December, you sing songs about joy.

It could be Cherry Carol.

Cherry Carols.

Mary Carols.

Wow.

Okay, go ahead and book both, Scott.

I'll be here in the month of Scares.

I don't know that I was ever going to have you back.

But now I'm booking you two more times in the year.

And two of them are a little close.

Big holiday shows, too.

All right.

Well, look.

I mean, I'll take some feedback from the listeners as well.

Can you forward me any feedback they give about Sherry?

I will forward it directly to Scott.

I guess just say which of them is more important.

Cherry Perils or Mary Carol.

During the witching season of Mystics, not October.

That's not October.

Magical season.

Oh, I don't know where we have that.

Where spooks and sprites come about.

This is a canto dating.

This is a canto thing.

And there's a bunch of your friends, and you invite them, and they're named Daryl, and you get them all together.

It could be Cherry Barrels, Fairy Daryl.

Fairy Barrels.

Yeah.

What about.

I think that's in maybe like April during Coachella.

So go ahead and book me for this.

For Coachella as well?

I don't know.

That sounds kind of like a music festival.

How do you date a cop, Scott?

What are they like?

Well,

it's hard dating a cop.

Oh,

Adam, how do you do it?

I gotta say, you spend a lot of nights worrying about your significant other, worrying they're not gonna come home, worrying.

Is there a lot of violence against cops?

You mentioned this,

what was it, the Mewtwo?

No, what was it?

Mewtwo?

Oh, Mewtwo.

Mewtwo.

Oh, yeah.

Mewtwo kills a lot of cops.

It's like some sort of cop killer.

No, No, that situation is more or less under control.

Cops in my world generally stop Team Rocket, Team Yell, Team Another One that I forgot.

Basically, any group of teenagers that decided to all wear the same clothes and do minor crime.

Okay.

That sounds like pro-crime.

Sometimes it's not even crime.

And honestly, I would have thought so too, except that it seems like they are now making an explicit effort to have these teenagers be from a multitude of ethnic backgrounds.

Well, it's funny you mentioned crime.

If you want to catch a cop, perhaps you should commit a copy of it.

That's right.

She would arrest me.

And then there's that jokes on you.

You're not going to be like, you're in love with me.

It's a rom-com meeting.

The criminal she couldn't resist.

It's like jokes on you.

Now you're in love with me.

How about that?

Yeah.

It's like,

is that a good catchphrase?

Jokes on you.

Joke's on you.

Now you're in love with love with me.

It's good because you tell jokes.

And she could also say, you're a criminal, but you've stolen my heart.

Oh.

is there a way to summon her?

I'm writing this all down.

Summon her here now, or does she reside only within the Kanto region?

Is there a way to do something wrong?

And she would.

Does she have jurisdiction here in Los Angeles?

I assume not, right?

You have cops here.

We do have cops here.

Can anyone else be like, I'm a cop somewhere else, but I guess I also am a cop here now?

Usually,

I don't know.

Well, you could do a citizen's arrest.

She could do a citizen's arrest.

Look, this is America's podcast, and I would assume the Kanto region is within America somewhere.

It has to be.

It sounds like such a wonderful place.

I mean, I'm almost certain that it isn't, but yeah, why not?

Well, let's try to get her here.

Maybe you want to do some sort of minor crime?

Minor crime.

A crime that would leave someone saying.

You are a minor, and you're, you know,

going to do a crime, so maybe that would suffice.

I'll just run some by you, and you tell me what these are and if they're a good idea.

Okay.

Okay.

Vehicular manslaughter.

No, very aggressive.

Manslaughter, you didn't mean it.

Yeah, you don't want that.

Yeah.

And this has pre-cog now, so you would not be able to get manslaughter.

Premeditated bank arson.

No, no, no.

You have to do...

This is going to be hard because it needs to have no sort of forethought and planning, but we're talking through it.

Premeditated bank arson.

Why don't you steal my phone?

Wink, wink.

Steal your phone.

Wink, wink.

Wink, wink.

Steal my phone, wink, wink.

Hello, wink, wink, the phone.

Nice to meet you.

Oh, he's very cute.

He reminds me of six of my nephews.

Oh, no, my phone.

Oh, if only Officer Jenny were here to help.

Get on the ground.

I'm getting in a car to drive recklessly into a bank.

It's getting worse.

It's getting worse.

Officer Jenny.

Officer Jenny.

Officer Jenny.

Officer Jenny, are you here?

Can you stop this?

Oh, the classic sound of every motorcycle in the Kanto region.

Jenny, is that you, officers?

It's me, Mario.

Oh,

no.

There's some sort of plumbing problem.

Sorry about that.

It's a me, Mario.

It's okay.

Miss Barrels, I threw your phone in a toilet.

Oh, Mario, can you?

Look, that phone, maybe you're not, maybe your job isn't to actually retrieve phones that are in toilets as much as it is to just make sure that

the water is flowing properly.

It's a me, Mario.

But maybe you could get that phone.

That's a very

Scott.

If you want to talk to Mario, you have to talk to his hat.

Oh, I'm sorry.

Okay.

Got got to look up there.

It's a me, Mario.

Wink Wink is in the toilet.

Can you get Wink Wink for us?

Yeah, no problem.

We can get this guy out of the real quick.

Okay, Mario.

And.

It's a me, Mario.

Mario, that was amazing.

Oh, yeah, thank you so much, Mario.

It's me, Sherry Barrels.

It's me.

Dash grab them.

And it's me, Adam Caton.

Hey, bite me, coward, and I'll ground you into the dirt.

It's a me, Mario.

It's a a catchphrase I'm working on.

Oh, no.

He's choking about the head.

He's a jump on your head.

He's going to jump on your head.

It's a jump on your head.

He'll turn you into coins.

It's a coin by coming out of your head.

Oh, no.

Adam's smashed.

It's a me, Mario.

Oh, Mario just took off.

Adam is smashed flat.

It's okay.

I'll shake him.

Hold on.

Yeah, shake him up.

I hold a bunch of.

I have a hyper potion.

Oh, okay.

I just use a max potion.

He can't be flat, Mario.

Hold on a second second, because I only have a couple.

Now, a max potion will give all of his HP back.

A hyper potion will give a lot of it back.

Dash is hard to stop!

Okay, here you go.

Whoa, my God.

Now, wait, what happened?

I do like that sound.

What?

The one you just did, where you became reanimated from being a pancake by using this video game potion.

After Mario squished you into a bunch of coins.

Were you dead?

Is this the catchphrase?

Yeah.

That's the one I've been looking for?

That's it?

That's it.

Amazing.

Watch out, 2020.

I got you by the balls.

That's actually not bad either.

You didn't have to update it every year, but sure.

I mean, something about you being flat, suddenly you're more creative than I've ever seen you before.

I'm just excited to be here again.

I didn't think I'd get a second chance.

Were you dead?

Did you go up to heaven?

Oh, for sure I went up to heaven.

What's it like up there?

Beautiful.

And I wasn't afraid.

I can't wait to be there.

I knew it.

You look going to go down Niagara Falls in a barrel.

No.

No, thank you.

Please let it be a sherry barrel.

Okay.

I've got to go to Netflix.

All right.

All right, look, we're running out of time.

We just have time for one final feature on the show, and that is a little something called plugs.

Boogie, oogie, oogie boys,

boogie, oogie, oogie girls.

It's time out the plug

that takes over the world.

Open up the plug back.

I'm so scared to see.

What you have the fuck back

in store for me?

All right.

Well, there's more.

Ooh, that was like Nick Fury recruiting Tony Stark at the end of Iron Man.

Well, that was a little post-credits.

Spoilers.

Oh, damn it.

I'm so sorry.

I thought you had movies in the Kanto region.

We have the movie where the Growleth plays basketball.

All right.

Airbus.

The movie that says a Growleth can't play basketball.

I just want you to know, Dash, look out for that clown.

You might put food in the newspaper.

Which one?

The one from it?

Pennywise?

All right, that was Plug Your Heart, Baby.

Oh, you say baby too.

By Gunther the Fish.

Thank you so much to Gunther the Fish.

All right, guys, what do we plug in?

Adam, you had your thing that you wanted to talk about.

Yep, Adam Cait Holland performs signature bits.

Saddle Creek Records.

The Growlock saves the world wherever you get possible.

Those are two ways to listen to Adam and not watch him, unlike Netflix.

Exactly.

That's changing.

Sherry, what do you want to plug?

Okay, I want to plug your local community colleges and your local parks and recs departments, your recreation centers.

There are classes that you can take to expand your mind, and they are a lot of fun.

And you meet new friends and you learn new skills and you can make a sherry barrel.

Ah, a sherry bottle.

I'm sorry, Scott.

And I also want to say that if you want, you can see a different podcast live if you live in the Pacific Northwest.

And if you live in Portland, you can see it on the 20th.

And if you live.

That's this Thursday.

That's right.

And if you live in or around Vancouver, you can see it on the 22nd.

And if you see it on the screen, this Saturday.

That's right, Scott.

Why would this podcast take a full day off in between those shows?

Oh, because one of the bookings happened, and then they had to ask for dates of the surrounding cities after, and no one had the Friday.

It's almost like they tried to get the Friday and they couldn't.

But they got one on Sunday.

So they lost their challenges.

Yeah.

And then they are going to go to Seattle on Sunday the 23rd.

And that podcast is called Off the Book.

No.

Off the Book.

Off the Book.

Off the Book, the Improvised Musical Podcast.

Well, that sounds wonderful.

And you can get tickets to any of these shows at thezakandhej.com slash live.

Okay.

And Dash, what do you want to plug?

I think I am going to go to this desert island.

You're going to go.

And then I'm going to start over.

Cool, Bill.

Who reminded you?

Was it Ja Rule?

Is Ja Rule a Pokemon?

I mean, I feel like that's not my place to say.

Ja Ruul, if you're a Pokemon, that's great.

Do any of your Pokemon's, have you ever heard it must be the ass?

Have you ever heard that?

No.

Write that one down, though.

That's a pretty good catchphrase.

Must be the ass,

courtesy of Scott Ackerman.

Yeah, I'm going to do that.

How long are you going to be gone?

I think maybe for the rest of my life.

I think I'm going to go there and do interior decoration and sort of live my island life with a bunch of animals.

Okay, that's it.

So next time you check in with me, maybe that's what I'll be doing.

Or maybe you'll never see me again.

Yeah, who knows?

Maybe you, you, I mean, it's an island.

There has to be some sort of transport to it.

Yeah, there's a dodo that flies a plane that will take you there.

Sounds sketchy.

Yeah, be careful.

I think it's going to be fine.

Did you learn about it from a bunch of influencers who just made a picture of an orange square?

My son, orange square showed up on my Pokedex, and I was like, I got to know what this is about.

And I bought a deluxe suite in a villa.

Oh, no.

We're going to have cheese on bread.

Oh, how is that cheese?

Oh, it's pretty cool.

Cool.

Yeah.

It's slightly above room temperature, I have to say, but it's cooler.

It's cooler than it was.

I want to plug.

Look, I said it before: check out the Michael Bolton's big sexy Valentine's Day special if you have any residual Valentine's energy.

And also, the Between Two Ferns movie is out there.

And look, if you're in what I call America, that is the continental U.S., and perhaps even the Alaska and Hawaii, you can watch on Netflix all 110 episodes of

what do I call it?

Comedy Bang Bang, the TV show.

And those are all fun.

Were you on one, Adam?

On your TV show?

Yeah.

No, I was not.

Awesome.

All right, let's close up the old plug bag.

You're going to have to listen to another one right now.

You start with a C when you wanna close the bag.

I almost successfully killed myself.

You lead with an L and then you oh.

Holy shit.

Oh.

Oh, God.

No!

Don't open it up.

Close it forever!

Don't!

Then Horatio comes in and he just says,

What?

Why is this part of it?

This is awful!

Shame on everyone involved!

Oh God!

Make it stop!

Can you make it stop?

Just push a button.

I'm looking right at you.

Push the button.

Brett.

He doesn't snap his pedals.

Push the button.

He doesn't snap his pedals.

Push the button.

Push the button.

Open it up.

All right.

That is, of course, the Michael Hardigan Remix, remixed by Jason Manzoukas.

And guys, thank you so much for being here, Adam.

Always great to see you.

I'll see you in your next hundred.

Yeah, absolutely.

I appreciate it.

Just keep banking them.

I love it.

Call me, call me, and let me know what you guys think of the catchphrase.

Definitely will.

And Sherry, so nice to meet you.

Nice to meet you, Adam.

I have my work ahead of me.

I'll see you in April, October, and December.

Got to get a lot of bookings here on the books.

And Dash, good luck to you.

Who knows if we'll ever see each other again?

Who knows?

Hopefully, my future is being the same age, but married to a cop living on an island.

What if when you came back, you were like 25?

Hey, suddenly.

Weird, stranger things have happened.

That's true.

Adam, you have one last catchphrase before we go out?

There it is.

All right.

We'll see you next time.

Thanks.

Bye.

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