Scream Time (Sarah Silverman, Erin Keif, Talia Tabin)

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It's only Quebec.

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So

hopefully, if you are Quebecois, you do not take any any offense.

But welcome to Comedy Bang Bang.

We hope you do not take any offense.

That's another good tagline for us.

We hope you do not take any offense.

That's pretty good.

We just started one.

Comedy Bang Bang, we care.

We care.

And we do care about you, and we care about you enjoying today's show.

Coming up on the show, we have a college football coach.

We also have a motivational speaker.

And we have

an actress/slash stand-up comedian.

Any other jobs?

Anything else on your taxes that you have to claim?

No.

No, as an exact case.

Let's welcome her.

I meant to look up how many times you've been on the show.

I'm going to do that while I do your introduction.

She is an old friend of the show.

She is a

stand-up of note

ex-Saturday night live cast member.

That's right.

Just celebrated the big 5-0.

And that's a number, and I'm trying to count while I say that number, and it didn't work out.

I'm going to count silently, or

I'm going to mouth the words.

Here we go.

She is making her

13th appearance on this podcast, if you can believe it.

13th appearance.

Her last appearance was two years ago.

And then it was six in between that one and the one before.

Was there strife?

I don't think there's any strife between us.

At least not by it.

Please welcome back to the, oh, by the way, her new stand-up special is out tonight.

It's called Post-Mortem.

Please welcome back Sarah Silverman.

Hello.

Hello.

I've had to cough.

Hold on, let me cough.

Why not do it while I was talking?

As I was trying to be polite.

This is my voice.

This is my voice.

This is my voice.

This is the lowest my voice

goes.

Pretty low.

I think I can go lower.

Okay, let's try.

This is the lowest my boys

goes in

real.

Are you an alto?

Have you ever tested your range?

No.

Why not?

I don't know.

You could be a soprano.

What's the highest you can go?

You could be, you actually could be a mezzo soprano or something.

Oh my God.

Wow.

Wouldn't that be.

What if you went into opera in your later years?

I think that's a great idea.

If I start training now,

you can get good at anything, in my opinion, in three months.

Anyone or me?

Anyone can get good at anything.

You know, when you see people doing things, it's always just they've trained more than you, you know?

So just take three months and do it.

Yeah.

Yeah, exactly.

That's how I feel about magicians, and I know I'm hard on magicians.

I know.

I didn't want to say, but I just,

five minutes into the episode, they're coming up finally.

But, and I know this is obnoxious because you can say this about anything, but I always am just like,

great.

You just, you learned a trick that I didn't learn.

Yeah.

I don't know why I'm so like competitive or like angry about it.

I don't know why that is about me.

I mean, it's pretty, comedy is pretty much the same thing, but just magicians.

I just, I don't know.

It's like they do this thing and they have this air about them like they are magic.

That's right.

Comedy, I think, is a skill that, of course, not not anyone can acquire, of course.

I mean, magic, too.

And there are magicians.

I mean, like.

You're already backing off.

Wow.

I just,

I don't know.

You don't want to stick to your guns about this.

Whereas, like, Tall John and probably you, I'm guessing, like, love the Magic Castle.

I just, like,

someone who has been there twice in my life.

I don't know whether I love it as much as Tall Jackson.

Tall John loves it.

All right.

So you're saying you want to get a Magic Castle group together and go?

I don't.

Now that you're...

They serve dinner there.

Like, I don't know.

What's going on with dinner?

Are magicians making it?

You're a fucking bougie piece of shit.

Although I do, like, magic is just footwork.

Now, how do you mean?

I mean, like.

Primarily, it's the hands are a lot of magic.

That's true, but it's just really like about just going the distance that people would assume you wouldn't do.

Like, one time I was watching Colombo and there was a magic trick on it.

Did I ever tell you this?

Oh my God, I was so obsessed about it.

I watched it by myself.

And so then I was able to do it when Rory got home.

That's my live-in lover.

And

so he came home and I go, pick a number between one and five.

And he goes, three.

And I go,

look under the blender.

And then he looks under the blender and there's a note that says, I knew you were going to pick number three.

And he's like, no way.

And I'm dying laughing.

He's laughing.

You just put notes, like five different notes in five different places.

Right.

He goes, how do you, does everyone pick three?

Or how is it work?

I go, no.

He goes, well, what if I picked one?

I go, look under the candle.

You know, it's so dumb.

It's so dumb.

This was on Columbo?

How did this factor into Columbo solving a murder?

There was a magician on it.

Oh, and did he kill people?

I think so.

I want to say it was Hal Linden.

Hal Linden, of course.

And maybe misremembering.

Martin Marnie Miller himself.

Yeah.

And he was a magician who, in the course of doing a trick, killed his assistant, I'm presuming.

I don't really remember, but

you remember that particular card?

I was so excited when I saw it because it's so fucking stupid.

And it had him baffled.

He was blown away.

Blown away.

Fun.

Well, welcome back to the show.

Lucky 13th appearance here and one on the television show as well.

That's right.

Yes, we had a great episode there.

A lot of fun that day.

Love that show.

And you have

in between

the last time you were here two years ago and now

you have honed your craft, the craft we're talking about, stand-up comedy.

You went out on the road.

The real magic.

That's right.

And you performed these tricks of the trade that we call jokes, setups, punchlines.

And you you you toured how long was the tour before you filmed the special

it was on and off but the first dates i did were in june of and of

2024.

whoa and then the last show i did was april 28th well so that weren't a nine-month long tour but it wasn't straight but there were like three months straight and then like another wow and uh

did you have pretty much the same material the entire nine months?

Or did you sort of get rid of a bunch that you were doing in the first part of it and come up with new stuff?

Or what was the process for you?

It was a mix.

I mean, when I started, I had like 35 minutes.

Were people disappointed when they came to see you?

And it was 35 minutes later.

You're like, good night.

No, I filled the time, but it was bullshit.

With stammering.

Yeah, I never do old jokes because I don't remember them.

Like they just go right out of my head.

That's your old special.

Tell you what, next time you're in this position, do your 35 minutes and then wheel out a big AV cart with a TV on it and then go, here, let's watch my special together and then I'll do some of these jokes.

I thought you were going to say we're going to watch,

what was that?

Blood on the Highway?

It would have been great if I had access to the thing I was going to say.

I'm thinking Blood on the Highway is the driver's.

The Day of Tomorrow or what was that one where we had to like, everyone was like, you know, watch it with your kids and then have, you have to watch, you know, it was like, remember Day After Tomorrow was a big thing.

It was a nuclear war one.

Nuclear war.

Yeah, yeah, Jason Robarts.

And we talked about it in my church where it was like, everyone needs to watch this.

And everyone, you know, and I like, especially the religious right at the time, like, what is their take on it?

Like, we're trying to get there.

We're trying to, like,

we want everyone to, we want this to happen so that we can all go to heaven.

I don't know.

Well, that's why, like, the religious right is always super pro-Israel because it's not like they like Jews.

They just need all the Jews to be there for the end time so they can go to heaven.

Very, very topical.

Sorry.

But in any case,

you started with 35 minutes and then you padded it out with musings, I would imagine.

I mean, yeah, I don't know.

I just, you know, I just kept talking.

But I had like 35 minutes and like, probably

28 of it was strong.

And then I, you know, just so I did the first gigs I did, it was like at the punchline for a week or in that Denver comedy worked for a week just to where it's like

standards are lower.

You know, you're yeah, and the audience is so supportive.

And it's like, work, it's like, what?

I'm letting them know.

Like, I'm just figuring this out.

Yeah.

And then I.

And you probably made the ticket prices half price, right?

They were much cheaper than at a theater, of course.

I'm really

club tickets.

I mean, people pay top dollar to watch some comics work shit out.

Yeah.

Not me.

Not you.

Not you.

That's right.

That's right.

They pay.

I'm the working man's comedian.

That's right.

You're the comedian of labor.

Yeah.

So then nine months later, suddenly you have.

The coming of labor.

Yeah, really.

What do you think of that movie, Nine Months, starring Hugh Grant, lover of blowjobs?

He came to my last show.

He did what?

Yeah.

Tell me about it.

I don't know.

I just heard he was there.

What?

Well, he couldn't, he couldn't,

he didn't get get to come backstage because I lock up all the phones and then he couldn't like text.

Uh, Jimmy Carr went on before me.

And you, you were, were you in the UK at this point or that was my last year?

And so, so his phone is in a yonder pouch or something like that.

So, he can't text Jimmy Carr to say, I won't,

I won't,

I love him.

I love him.

I love him.

And he, as much as he loves blowjobs, I love him.

Wait, well, do you, let me ask you a thing.

Do you hate blowjobs?

I say this.

He's famous for it.

We all love blowjobs.

But he got a fucking handy from somebody

in Hollywood Boulevard.

Maybe it was a blowjob.

You might have to amend it and say he's a famous lover of hand jobs.

I mean, I would say he probably loves hand jobs and blowjobs as much as any other fella.

But he's just notorious for it.

Yeah, I mean, it's funny.

I remember her name, Divine Brown.

I don't remember this.

I don't know why I remember it.

It was a very important day in history.

For Jay Leno.

That's right.

Yes, he really made the most of that.

Now,

the special is called Postmortem.

Yeah.

And there is a particular reason for that.

Is there not, Sarah?

Tell us why you titled it thusly.

Because, well, post-mortem is what you say after like a show or something.

But also, it's a

physic, it's a thing in Dr.

Speak, right?

Thing in Doctorspeak, yes.

Yeah.

Well, I watch the pit, so I know a lot of the jargon.

Yeah, of course.

And, but, yeah, a year ago last, it was just their yurt site.

Yurt site?

My dad and my stepmother died

two years ago,

like yesterday.

Two years ago, yesterday.

Actually, I hate to say it.

Kulop's birthday was my dad's birthday.

Did they pass away both on the same day?

Nine days apart.

Nine days apart and one one was on kulop's birthday yeah my dad do you think your dad is in kulap right now oh my god his soul passed into her oh my god maybe wouldn't that be great is she upstairs uh she is upstairs daddy

yes honey

i was trying to do a new england accent it didn't really work oh god he's he had the thickest boston accent new england accent your dad was very funny he figured into your act quite a bit yes um he also is in your musical.

He's a character in your musical, The Bedwetter, which I saw off Broadway.

It's really gotten good.

We just did a run in D.C.

Oh, really?

It was great when I saw it.

Now it's one act.

Whoa.

New song, cut a couple songs, added a song.

But it was crazy because I was on tour non-stop talking about my parents' death.

And then I paused for a month to

go work on be at previews

of the bedwetter, which is about their life.

So they're young.

And it was an interesting juxtaposition.

Hopefully it'll be a Broadway in the spring and it would be a cool,

I would think, to watch the special and watch the

play kind of as a companion piece at all.

That would be amazing.

So there's plans for the spring when young men's flights turn to fancy.

What's that?

I don't know.

But so is spring of 2025.

Or no, 2026.

What year is this?

Yeah.

Fantastic.

Y'all, y'all.

And so

you're talking about this experience in the special quite a bit.

Yeah.

It's really a lot about their deaths.

And

were you there for it?

I was.

Yeah.

I've never asked you this stuff personally because I just figured I'd say that.

Save it for the air.

Yeah.

Save it for the air.

Yeah.

They, they, um,

well, Janice got cancer.

It was terrible and she loved life so much and my dad was just a mess.

I will tell you that

this isn't the special, but

an example is

we have them, we would have them record their doctor's appointments and then put it on our WhatsApp chain, our family WhatsApp chain, so we could all listen to it and make sure everything was being taken care of.

And on the day that Janice got her stage four pancreatic cancer diagnosis, the doctor says, I'm so sorry, stage four.

My dad's reaction, you literally hear him go,

I'm a widow.

I'm alone.

Which is so fucking deeply crazy.

I know.

I'm a widow.

I mean, I have to.

You name it a widower.

Now I have to call him.

I know exactly.

Well, I didn't want to correct him that it was a widower.

It didn't seem like the time, but it did like stick in my craw because I'm my mother's daughter who was very

big on grammar.

And I had to tell him, like, you cannot talk this way in front of your alive wife.

It just was like the thought of living life without her.

And he pretty much died of a broken heart.

Like he, he wanted to go.

It was a great, his was a great death.

He just didn't want it to hurt.

And it didn't.

Cause

oddly the doctor said he was going to die of kidney failure, which happened to be a painless death.

And when I told him, first of all, I should have taken a beat, but I was like, dad, great news.

You know,

he's like, whoa.

But once he knew it wasn't going to hurt, he was thrilled.

He just wanted to be with his Janice.

And it was a great last few days of just kind of laughing, telling stories.

We watched the series Beef.

I look, if I was about to go, that's where I would spend 12 hours of my time, probably.

Yeah.

And this is

close on the heels of your mother's death as well, which I was

a few years.

It was almost, it's like nine years ago.

Oh, was it nine?

Oh, really?

It went so fast.

Yeah.

I think COVID also skewed everyone's senses of time.

But I do remember that story you told me about how

your doctor gave everyone the news that she was gonna go like in the next 24 hours or something.

So the entire family flew to be with her.

And then she was like fine and going, what are you guys all doing here?

Yeah.

As a matter of fact, I was dating

Michael Sheen at the time and I was supposed to go to Wales with him.

And I'm always like, I don't know, stressed about travel with lovers.

I don't know why.

I just.

expectation of so much lovemaking you're gonna have to perform I don't know but but I had to pull out of it last minute because my mom of course, which is understandable.

And then I'm such an asshole.

When she didn't die, I made her record an apology video to him.

Which is horrible, but funny.

Well, it's it's I mean, it's a major milestone in our lives that we all will go through.

Yeah.

Unless, God forbid, we die first, which we don't want to do.

Pooh poo poo.

Yeah.

So

it was

an interesting experience, I'm sure, a very heart-wrenching experience.

It was heart-wrenching, but a lot of funny things.

And your dad is such a character, too.

Oh, my God.

Just you telling any story about him is always very funny.

Yeah.

He was so funny.

So

how many minutes did the special actually get up to?

Was it still 35?

No, then it was like over an hour.

And then I like chipped it down to, it's like probably exactly an hour.

But if you watch it, watch the credits with the sound on because you see pictures of all the stuff I talked about and some video and some audio, like his

store, Crazy Sophie's Factory Outlet, like his horrible radio ads.

That's right.

What were his ads that he used to do?

Was he in character?

I can't remember.

Hey, I'm Crazy Donnie, Crazy Sophie's husband.

Sophie was a made-up name because he sold ladies' clothing, you know.

When I see the prices at the mall, I just want to vomit.

Oh, yum, makes you want to shop.

Then he lists like a billion off-brand, you know, jean brands that would sell them, like Unicorn, Jabo, ZKavarici.

Like, it's just like so fast, it doesn't sound like words, like no addiction.

And then he would end by going, So, if you care enough to, so if you care enough to buy the very best, but you're too cheap, come to crazy Sophies.

Ah, so funny.

And so, knowingly, he wanted women to come into the store.

So, he said, crazy Sophies, even though

he

called it Sophies because, well, we're from New Hampshire.

You know, people always say, say, when I say I'm from New Hampshire, they go, there are Jews from New Hampshire.

And then I have to explain, like, you know, even New Hampshire deserves retail.

And so he makes up the name Sophie because it's kind of Jewishy and we're Jewish, whatever.

My nana, his mother, you know, they're from Boston and like her best friend, Sophie, is from Boston.

And she accused him of calling her Sophie crazy.

And then my dad said, mom, if I named it after Sophie Moskowitz, I'd call it ugly Sophie Specker.

I thought that was so funny.

Years ago, I told it on a talk show, and I did not realize Sophie Moskowitz was still with

us.

Oh, no.

It was not good.

But

I made sure she's absolutely dead right now.

Well, post-mortem, it's it's a Netflix special.

That's right.

It's exciting to be on

the Netflix umbrella once again.

A home of too hot to handle.

What's too hot to handle?

I don't know.

Isn't that on Netflix?

They really cover everything.

They know.

From too hot to handle to jokes about Sarah's dead parents.

That's actually in their

butt post-mortem, it comes out tonight, probably at midnight Eastern, and people can stay up late, or, you know, they can set the alarm for tomorrow morning and just watch it first thing when they wake up, get a cup of coffee.

Sometimes, because it comes out tomorrow, but it will come out tonight, right?

Sometimes it's like six or nine or something.

I don't know.

I believe it's 9 p.m.

here on the West Coast.

Oh, I see.

Midnight.

Okay.

Midnight Eastern.

And

are you giving any special prizes to anyone who proves they watch it or anything like that?

Yeah, if you can prove that you watched it, I'm going to give them a check for a million dollars.

Wow.

So that's all, you just have to prove you watched it.

Yeah.

And how do they do that?

Like take a picture of the credits or?

Yeah, like just take a picture of yourself in front of like a TV, I guess.

And a million dollars.

Wow.

Yeah, give them a check.

For a million dollar hairs.

But it, but it,

I think I heard something in the last thing that you said, but

probably not a problem.

Even a million dollars would be very hard jokes.

That would be so expensive.

First of all, I mean, dolls with what they're costing with these tariffs these days.

Hey, you only need a couple dolls.

How many hairs are on each doll, would you say, if you had to guess?

Oh, boy.

A thousand?

I doubt even a thousand.

I bet there's probably on each doll,

I'd say there's probably 50 hairs on each doll.

So you would have to do a no, there's more, you think?

A hundred?

I don't know.

It's depending on the doll, obviously.

I'm sure I can find a doll that has 50 hairs on it to prove everyone wrong.

Maybe, like, would Siri know how many hairs are on, like, a Barbie's head?

Let's ask her.

Hey, Siri.

Hey, Siri, how many hairs are on a Barbie's head?

And transmission.

I found this on the web for how many hairs are on a Barbie's head.

Check it out.

I have to read it.

Yeah, just tell me, you fucking bitch.

How much are a billion doll hairs worth?

Is a Reddit topic.

So I don't know.

I'll catch up with that later.

Perhaps in the break.

But post-mortem is out tonight, and this is exciting.

Do you expect you're going to be like Prince where you're going to put out three specials this year?

Or is this the last one for a few years?

No, this is the last one for, I mean,

the last special I did was the fourth special I've ever done.

So this is five.

This is the fifth.

It came fast just because of the circumstances, you know, because my last special came out as they were dying.

Right.

Are you hoping other people die so that you have more material?

I mean, I'm hoping.

Yeah.

People you know are just like, maybe you could read the obituaries every day and go like, oh, that sounds funny.

I see kind of

a daughter that I think I once went to.

Yeah, so when I started over with stand-up, I didn't have any material.

I just started with like the eulogy I gave of my dad's funeral because it was pretty funny.

I mean, not just because he's so funny and I just turned out faster.

And so are you back on the train though now?

Or are you like, yes, I now know how to do this.

Let me keep going on it.

No, if somebody asked me how to write a joke,

do you have a way, like if someone said, hey, how do you write a joke?

If people ask me, I have no fucking clue.

Basically, just, you know, steal something funny that someone else said and just write it down.

Oh, that's so, that's so smart.

It's a pretty good system.

I should start watching some comedy specials and just take notes, jot things down.

Yeah.

No, I mean, yeah, it's a mystery, but I mean, you're a professional at it.

You're one of the funniest stand-up comics of certainly my generation, if not any generation.

The next generation.

Yes, one of the best stand-up comedians to ever do it, living or dead.

And your special post-mortem is out tonight.

I'm looking forward to watching it.

I'm going to set my 4 a.m.

alarm and just dig into it it tomorrow morning.

Boom.

I'm excited.

Postmortem on Netflix tonight.

We need to take a break if that's okay, but can you stick around?

We have a college football coach as well as a motivational speaker.

This is an exciting show.

I can't wait.

Yeah.

Oh, man.

All right.

So we're going to be right back.

We're going to have more Sarah Silverman.

We'll be right back with more Comedy Bang Bang after this.

At the University of Arizona, we believe that everyone is born with wonder.

That thing that says, I will not accept this world that is.

While it drives us to create what could be,

that world can't wait to see what you'll do.

Where will your wonder take you?

And what will it make you?

The University of Arizona.

Wonder Makes You.

Start your journey at wonder.arizona.edu.

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Comedy Bang Bang, we're back.

Sarah Silverman is here.

Post-mortem, her fifth special ever.

She's been doing stand-up comedy now for over three decades.

You're in your fourth decade, is that right?

Yes, it is.

Hello, Dad.

Come closer, child.

I started when I was very young.

Let me tell you about the 1980s stand-up comedy scene.

Did you start in the 80s or in the early 90s?

No.

I don't know.

You were on SNL in 90 fucking five, weren't you?

93, 93, 94 season.

You were, I mean, you were.

Just to give you an idea of how good I look.

Well, I was, I was 22.

Yeah, and you'd been doing stand-up for...

Since I was like 17.

So the 80s.

But I was in high school.

I didn't specify that you were in high school.

Okay, so you were high school 80s, not the real 1980s.

And like, and I was like, made money.

I was 19.

And so that was

1990.

But still, I mean, you've been doing it for a long time.

This is your fifth special ever.

Over, that's like one every six years.

That's, that's, I mean, that's a reasonable amount.

These comedians who put out one every year, I don't trust them.

You know, I don't trust them.

I see all these fucking weird, prolific comedians that are always working and thinking yeah

who are out there every single night it's very you know five clubs every night working on it i also have become obsessed with call of duty and it's really cut into my work

what what do you like about call of duty i love the haptics of killing i love the feeling under my fingers i don't know what's happening to me

um

do you have a uh special controller that you've bought or or are you i i have no idea what the controllers are is typical just a typical typical what is it PS PS5 PS5

wow so you've been able to afford the five yeah congratulations I am um is there a PS6 or

no no sweetheart if there was a PS6 I would have it okay I'm so I'm so sorry although my iPhone is like a 12

yeah what uh what which iphone i think they're on like 14 or something now yeah i i tried to get a case at the iphone store recently and they they looked at me like i was pathetic They're like, we don't sell them for those anymore.

Right.

But it looks fine, right?

Where would it be?

About

my phone?

Yeah, yeah.

Oh, it's a 13 Pro Max.

Nice.

That's better than yours.

It is.

What is that circle?

Is that like a stand?

It's MagSafe.

The circle on the back?

What does that mean?

If you don't know, I don't have the time to tell you, honey.

Just go home and look it up

in between kills on Call of Duty.

Do you wish you were back there right now?

Are you imagining killing me right now?

I'm always thinking about it.

Why do you kill people in Call of Duty?

Is there any kind of reason for you?

It's war, man.

It's fucking war.

Can you just kill anyone?

Like, what if you kill your friend?

You can't kill your friend.

There is a setting where you can kill your friends, but I would have so much friendly fire because I just, as soon as I see a person, I shoot, you know, like in panic.

So you're really good at it.

Yeah, I'm terrible.

I'm terrible.

I really thought I was excellent at it because I'm passionate about it and it's all I want to do with my free time.

I like don't see friends.

I don't.

And I turned on the thing so I could hear others, the others.

Right.

And it was just 14-year-olds going, fucking kill yourself, dude.

And I'm not a team player, I guess.

It's more of a team thing, but I just like to kill.

I can't really do like the team part of it.

That's right.

It's more of a singular thing to kill a man.

Yeah.

When you just see the life

just being come out of their eyes, it's like

it's a very personal thing.

Yeah, it feels almost sexual to me.

Yeah.

Great.

Sarah Silverman is here.

Postmortem is the special on Netflix tonight.

We need to get to our next guest.

Yes.

Can't wait.

He is, or she is a

college football coach.

This is very exciting.

She is a college football coach.

Sorry, do I have the right name there?

Did I?

Oh, I said Biff Brisket.

Oh, Biff.

But that's not a real name, so I understand your confusion.

Okay, what do you mean it's not a real name?

I mean, my dad made a noise when I was born.

He went,

and then they put that on the bird.

They put that on the bird.

Oh, and they assumed he was naming you.

Oh, wow.

So, so Biff Brisket is your name.

Please welcome Biff Brisket.

Welcome to the show.

Thank you for having me, Scott Auckerman.

It's my pleasure to have you.

This is Sarah Silverman.

I don't know if you're a fan of stand-up comedy since 1989.

Yeah, how do you do?

Huge fan.

Hello.

Thank you so much.

And

where do you coach?

What team do you coach?

University of Alabama, Rolls Hat.

I recently was let go, though.

I don't know if you've seen the news.

I mean, I've seen the news, but there's so much news that maybe I didn't get to the sports page.

Do you know anything about this?

Do you follow college sports, Sarah?

No, I actually,

oddly, I do own the domain Brisket Gate.

Oh, really?

Yeah.

I'll give you $7 for it.

You got it, Silverman.

Sold.

Why did you get fired if you don't know?

You haven't heard about it?

I guess every day we wake up and it's like a fire hose of news to the face.

So I guess

you're under the radar.

I'm dealing with the Bill Belichick

interview at this point.

So I haven't had a lot of time.

We all have young girlfriends.

He's just the only one getting attention for it.

Whatever, Bill Belichick.

Fuck you.

Whoa.

Sorry.

So why were you let go?

I was too intense.

Oh, yeah, that can happen with sports.

Yeah, what were some of your techniques?

I was sort of toilet papering my

players' houses.

I was running out into the field.

I was tackling them myself.

Just too much.

They called it too much.

The prank toilet papering?

Yeah, egging, toilet papering, ding-dong ditch.

Ding-dong ditching.

The classic stuff, Scott.

Were you leaving

like flaming piles of shit?

Okay, so you have heard about me on the news.

No, that's just a classic prank.

Why were you doing this to your...

Because they weren't playing so good, Scott.

And this is all stuff that we used to do before.

But now it's a new world, and I can't get away with being the same coach that I used to be.

Okay, well, yeah, I mean, I don't think any coach should be tackling the players on the field.

Okay, well.

Although, I guess if you're on the sidelines and you can run out and tackle one of your players, then they should be faster.

Exactly.

The other players are 58.

If I can catch you, I can keep you.

I can take you down.

There should be a rule that if anyone in the stands can get on the field and tackle anyone.

Yes.

That's what I've been saying.

That's why all of our sweatshirts are cut off is because for tackling our players.

Now, Sarah and I are in a football pool every year.

And you did very well.

Did I?

Didn't you this year?

And I won one week.

And

so I made my money back.

And that's my only goal every single year is make my money back.

But I thought that you were in the top 10 or something like that.

Oh, maybe.

I didn't do very well, but for some reason, I stayed in the middle enough that I was consistently okay.

But I didn't have any like big wins.

But I don't pay for that one.

That's $100 to be in, right?

$100.

And you don't pay for it?

Who?

Just Gow, who runs it.

He grandfathers you in?

He pays for it every year because he owes me thousands of dollars.

And this is how he's paying me back: $100

a year

in a pool, an office pool I don't care about.

So

in about 100,000 years will be.

I see you in there every week, and you do quite well.

And I'm like, boy, Sarah really cares about this.

I've never heard the backstory.

I do have math about, I do have

a way that I do it, which doesn't always work well, which is

I don't really watch the football, but

I look at the spread and I compare it to their stats.

You know, their wins are.

Typical football betting.

Yeah, and then I just kind of see if they're at the home team, then they probably do a little better.

Do a little better.

Yeah, this is typical how people usually move.

Oh, I think that was my special way.

Dave Juskow, who

runs it, is very intense about it.

And

speaking of parents' deathbeds, I was on my father's deathbed and he is frantically emailing me because I hadn't made my pics.

And he's like, I wish I had your phone number.

I would be calling you.

You have to get your pics in.

So I'm sitting here.

My father is passing away, and I'm like, the only way to placate him is to make these picks.

So I made my picks.

And did you win?

I did pretty well that week, actually.

So, yeah.

In any case, back to Biff Brisky here.

Thank you.

So what?

You're out of a job.

I'm out of a job.

I'm so sorry.

Well, I recently started a new business.

You have a new job.

Wow.

What is it?

I am running bachelorette parties.

Running them?

What does that mean?

I'm planning them.

I get a headset and I sort of run the whole weekend.

It's a lateral move intensity-wise.

So you call the plays at someone's bachelor party?

I go, like, I send out an email and I go, Scottsdale, Nashville, Miami, Vegas.

Where are we going, gals?

And then they pick, and then I let it rip after that.

Are you in charge of the big hats that people wear at these?

Yeah, the big hats, the penis hats, the theme parties, the neon signs.

I always call the cousin bridesmaid, who's usually the one that runs the muck.

And I sort of straighten her out before I prank her, toilet paper her house, egg her house, you know, same things I did.

Tackle her, tackle her.

Exactly, exactly.

Well, I mean, this sounds like a great business.

How did you become interested in that particular aspect?

Well, my daughter Everly, who is 15 years older than my girlfriend currently,

she got married and everything was so expensive.

The bachelorette party, I was like, you're spending $4,000 to go to a bachelorette party?

The costumes alone for a bachelorette party are, I don't know, $1,000.

What are the costumes?

Are they like flapper costumes or what do people wear?

Scott parties.

When was the last time you were on the internet?

What?

There's a lot of bachelorette parties on the internet?

Oh my gosh.

That's half of it.

You got to take a picture of it.

Every night's a different theme.

It'll be like

cowboy hats if you're in Nashville.

Or it'll be like

a funeral theme, like you're celebrating the death of

being single.

Yeah.

Or like founding fathers if you're a bunch of funny gals so like hamilton yeah exactly yeah yeah yeah um and you pay all this money and it's just like this money's got to go somewhere right or why not to me right okay yeah i mean it goes to the the services that one is usually procuring when you're at the bastard party

services so now you're you're the pass-through it goes through you it goes through me and you know all these gals especially if you're in a sorority god forbid you have a lot of female friends six ten weddings a year, everyone's getting married at the same time, it starts to add up.

So I also am running a credit card company, and I have the gals open credit cards.

Okay.

It's an 80% interest rate, Scott Auckerberg.

That's too high.

That is way too high.

I mean,

you spend, you know, $100, then you owe $180.

Exactly.

I'm rich.

It's too much.

It's predatory.

Isn't it, Sarah?

I mean, did you have credit cards when you were growing up or did you stay away from all of them?

Growing up.

You know what I mean?

Like, you know how they prey on teenagers who, the first time they're out of the house, and they want to buy a bunch of stuff.

No, the first credit card I got, I was like 20, and Mark Cohen was my like signatory or whatever.

It was a comedian.

Fans of 80s and 90s comedians are loving it today to hear Mark Cohen and Dave Juskow's name.

By the way, I'm such a name-dropper.

Mark Cohen and Dave Juskow and me all on one episode of Make Me Laugh together.

Oh my God.

Mark hosted, and Dave and I were on together.

I saw there's a there's a place like a Sparrows or something that's across from Porto's.

That's across from Porto's and Burbank that has Mark Cohen's head shot from Make Me Laugh.

And he's he wrote, Make Me Lunch.

Like, I'll be on this show forever, and everyone will know what this means.

Right.

A cultural touchstone.

We all know what that is.

So, Biff Brisket, what is your business called and what's the credit card called?

Biff's Bachelorette Parties.

Is the credit card?

Yes.

Oh, wow.

And the business.

And the business.

Okay.

And how's it going for you?

How many have you done?

It's booming.

I've done, well, I'm 80 at this point.

When did you start this?

You were just fired.

Three weeks ago.

You've done 80?

Yeah.

Everyone's getting married, Scott.

Post-pandemic, people are, the wedding business is booming.

There's money in this.

Want me to bring you in?

I mean, well, yeah.

I mean, okay, you got to open a line of credit with me.

The interest rate is 100%.

You said it was 80.

Did I?

Just five minutes ago.

For gals, it's 80%.

Oh, okay.

I'm not a monster.

We're trying to reconcile the wage gap.

Exactly.

I'm a really good guy.

You can tell by my everything.

So are you yelling at the brides?

Oh, screaming at the brads.

Same stuff I do with football games, I'm doing with the Brads.

Pouring Gatorade on people.

Isn't that they pour it on the coach usually?

Let me actually think about that.

Well, then I got all turned around because I'm pouring Gatorade on these coaches.

If you're the type of coach that like they would try to pour Gatorade on you, you would grab it and pour it on them.

Yeah, I'd go, son of a bitch, fuck you guys, and I'd pour it on them.

Wow.

Intense.

I mean, you're an intense coach.

You said it yourself.

Yeah.

And I mean, I also let people make bets on what's going to happen the weekend.

Really?

Mm-hmm.

People can do fantasy football drafts and stuff, but for bachelor at party weekends.

So what kind of things are they betting on?

Who's going to throw up during the fitness class that we, for whatever reason, decided to do at 6 a.m.

on the Saturday?

Is it anyone done by those?

Oh my God.

I'm telling you, this is part of bachelorette party culture, and I'm speaking from experience.

I mean, it sounds like it's going great for you.

If I were to join into your business, what role do you see me playing?

Am I a utility player?

Do you strip?

I don't.

I mean, I could.

Because there's a huge business for like joke strippers.

Like,

funny gals are bringing in like

ugly people.

Is that what you're trying to say?

No, I mean like you play like a historical figure or like

Gene Hackman's role in like Poseidon adventure, something like a niche character that no one wants a stripper version of.

Oh, I see.

So

what historical figures are we are we talking U.S.

presidents?

Yeah, U.S.

presidents.

What are some historical figures you know and love, Scott?

Look, it's not my business.

Yeah, but you probably know one or two, right?

I mean, Ludwig von Beethoven invested in a lot of people.

That would be fantastic.

Or like Thomas Edison.

Oh, yeah.

You come in and you're like, anyone need to invent electricity?

And then Nikolai Tesla

stripper comes in and

they battle out like who gets credit for it.

And all the girls are laughing.

They're all horny.

And then you get paid.

$100 that you pay to me.

And then you're good for the night.

And then how much do I get paid?

You get paid inexperience.

You just made a room full of women horny.

There's no price tag on that.

That's pretty good.

Yeah.

I've never made a room full of women horny unless the room was.

Just Kulak was in it.

You're right.

I do need to improve my attitude with

getting people horny.

Yeah, there you go.

How long do you think this can last for you?

I mean, don't you miss football?

Well, I miss it something awful, Scott.

And I'm trying to, my confidence is low.

So I'm trying to to coach myself.

So I toilet papered my house last night, egged my house last night, ding out and ditched my own house.

Have you cleaned it up?

I shit on my front porch.

No, no, I need to learn a lesson.

You know, when you're at the store buying a bunch of toilet paper and a bunch of eggs, the cashier eventually must be like, you should probably not eat eggs.

They think I'm very ill at the realms down the street.

They think I'm very, very sick.

But Scott, have you ever needed me to coach you through something?

Through a podcast, maybe?

I mean,

to be honest, I feel like I'm drowning during this episode.

I'm just posting on Sarah's charisma.

Yeah.

Is there any way you could give me some pointers?

I guess be more like Sarah Silverman.

That's tough.

I mean, she's been doing stand-up since the high school 80s.

Yeah.

In real life.

Classically sparkly and likable.

Yeah.

You just manic pixie dream girl.

Yeah.

I don't think I have any of that.

Can you go back in in time and be in School of Rock?

I can't help you then.

Yeah, I don't think I could.

And then realize today that that character was right.

I mean, didn't I read something about the actual School of Rock guy that says not so great?

So, what?

Allegedly.

Oh, I don't know anything about that.

I don't know anything about that.

Yeah, so anyway, your character.

Because you were.

What was your character?

I was just the like cunty girlfriend of Ned Schneebley.

and the foil.

I was the foil, but really, I was just mad because he lived in our living room and he didn't pay any rent.

Oh, okay.

Yeah, you were right about that, which is completely right.

Yeah.

Although, I guess that was like Mary Lynn for Tracy Gatsky and I, and that was a delight.

That's right.

Another uh famous comedy compound: uh, Tracy Catsky and Mary Lynn and Sarah all live together.

And Mary Lynn was in the uh living room.

Yeah,

um, wonderful memories with Mark Cohen, Dave Juskow.

I mean, the luminaries, the people I know.

This is not like Tommy Lee Jones was Al Gore's roommate at Harvard.

Well, look, Viff Brisket,

I wish you well.

Maybe you can help me out in our next segment.

I would love to.

Give me a few tips.

You know what I mean?

Because, like, take us out.

What would I do to go to commercial right now to make sure that people stick around for C-Block?

Pour Gatorade on yourself.

I don't think I have a a tub of Gatorade.

I made a bet that it was blue.

Put $100,000 on it, Scott.

You put $100,000 that I had blue Gatorade here in the house.

It's a parlay bet.

I'm going to be at a lot of money if you don't start doing all the stuff I bet on, Scott.

Look, I'll try to rustle up some during the break if that's okay.

Awesome.

Thank you.

All right.

We're going to take a break.

When we come back, we're going to have more Sarah Silverman, more Biff Brisket, and we have a motivational speaker.

Well, maybe the motivational speaker can give me some tips here.

Maybe.

I'm already jealous.

I hate the new baby.

All right.

Well, look, we're going to come right back.

We'll be right back with more comedy bang bang after this.

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And then they're totally different

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Comedy Bang Bang, we're back.

Sarah Silverman is here.

Postmortem is the special out tonight.

her

fifth special

of all time.

So you can see the entirety of Sarah's stand-up comedy career in about five hours.

You can just spend the afternoon.

How's that make you feel?

I feel fine about it.

Plus, you were on a season of SNL.

Oh, yeah.

You could watch Larry Sanders when you were on that, too.

Sure, sure.

Yeah, and watch, why not watch School of Rock?

We just talked about it.

Hey, why not check out Star Trek Voyager 1997, Of course, I was doing a re-watch or an actual watch.

It can't be a re-watch when you've never seen it, but I was doing a watch of it when COVID was going on.

You were, yeah,

you had two episodes, right?

Was it a two-parter?

That's right.

Yeah, you were on Earth, right?

Yeah, they, yeah, in a classic car over by like a museum or something like that.

How about Griffith Park Observatory?

Yeah, right there.

And you, uh, you're, you, you still had a pretty heavy New England accent?

Did I?

I think so.

There was a time around then where every character I played drove a VW van.

I think I had three VW van.

Who are you interacting with again?

Which one of the Star Trek gang?

I can't.

You watched Star Trek Voyager?

Yeah.

Was it...

Tuvac and Paris.

Tuvac, of course.

And Paris.

Paris was my love and dress, but I did make out with Tuvac IRL.

That's right.

Paris, who was disgraced in Star Trek Next Generation.

He was?

That's right, because he was a part of some sort of, when he was at the academy, some sort of lying about the details of an accident that happens, and then his character moved over to Voyager, and he redeemed himself.

He was great.

Yeah.

I liked him.

As well as Tuvac, the Vulcan.

Yeah.

Who is not in touch with his emotions?

Yeah, because he's...

I always love that.

That's like the data character.

That's right.

Although the data character in Voyager, of course, was the doctor who was a hologram.

Oh, and that's that guy, Tom something.

I don't know, but apparently you didn't get to interact with him because he would stay on the ship until finally, I think he got tired of it and they invented something supposedly on the show that he put on his clothes that made him able to walk around on Earth and other alien planets.

I love that this is what you did during cold.

Oh, I baked cakes.

I watched all the Star Treks.

Oh.

What did you do?

How about Tig?

How about Tig on on Star Trek?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Got to see her too.

Jet Reno.

Is this where you developed your love for Call of Duty during COVID?

It is.

It is.

So we had very different experiences, but.

Yeah, the world shut down and I went to a GameStop and bought a used console in one game, Call of Duty World War II.

Oh, it's World War II-themed.

That one it was.

Oh, that's fun.

So basically, you're killing Nazis.

Yeah, it was great.

Yeah.

It was great.

I was playing Animal Crossing for 14 hours a day.

14 hours a day.

Truly, yeah.

And I kept time traveling to make it my birthday over and over again.

Do they do something special?

All the people who are going to be able to do that.

Yeah,

all the villager pigs sing happy birthday for you and they clap for you.

So it was like mid-May and I was like, it's my birthday.

I was doing well.

I was thriving.

I was also making cakes.

Biff Brisket, of course, is here with us.

Biff is a fired, speaking of disgrace, disgraced football coach who now has segued into bachelorette parties and credit card schemes.

Well, I wouldn't call it that.

Please don't call it that.

Which part of it was I mischaracterizing?

I left college football amicably.

So it was a mutual decision.

Yes.

In what way?

Did you?

They fired me and I begged them to let me stay.

Okay.

Yeah, it sounds semi-mutual there.

We need to get to our next guest.

She's a motivational speaker.

And this is exciting because I need some motivation here.

Oh, I am so happy to be here.

I'm happy to have you.

Let me say your name.

Please welcome Elsie Lynn.

Oh, wow.

It's just so impressive to be around such successful, wonderful people.

Yeah, and myself, I would imagine.

Yeah.

Yeah.

You too.

Yeah.

You too.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I mean, you have Sarah here.

Sarah.

Forget about it.

Maybe the youngest person to ever be on SNL.

Is that right?

Were you the youngest staff member?

Eddie Murphy was, yeah.

See, are you second only to Eddie Murphy?

I don't know.

Maybe.

22, you said.

Oh, Pete Davidson was young, wasn't he?

Yeah, but still.

Just take it.

Yep, the youngest.

Just play him.

Well, welcome to the show, Elsie Lynn.

It's so wonderful to have you.

You're a motivational speaker.

I'm a motivational speaker, and I don't know if I'm going to fit in with you guys.

I'm more in the mommy circuit.

Oh, okay.

Obviously.

Why do you say obviously?

I don't know what you mean.

Just because look at me.

And

you sound fine, but

look at it.

So

I am just going around town trying to get in different pockets with different people, letting them know it's okay to be a shitty mom.

Okay.

I, you know, I think there is, there's something to this.

Thank you.

You know, people need to give themselves a break a little bit on not, you know, being a parent is tough.

I'm garbage.

I'm trash.

So you're a mother yourself.

I'm a mother.

How many children do you have?

One.

Just one.

Just one.

Because I'm not going to fuck up any other kids.

I'll tell you that much.

How, how old is your child?

My child's three.

Three.

Okay.

And she very soon, I'm sure, will be a meth head.

With a mother like me.

I don't, you guys.

I am messing up left and right.

I mean, I do think, you know, one should afford oneself a little bit of grace when it comes to being a parent, but to

I mean, to be a meth head, I mean, maybe you are, but what are your techniques for?

Oh my gosh, I'm so willy-nilly with everything you know we're the other day i was reading about seed oils you guys heard about seed oils i don't what are what are these these are oils taken from seeds yes okay so you know context clues got me there

and i was all out of my avocado oil okay avocado is a seed no that's avocado is good we want avocado high temperature okay high temperature smoke point i don't know what this means that's okay and uh oh it's okay yeah no don't worry about it

and all and i so all i had was olive oil oil, and I cooked my kid zucchini in olive oil.

I'm telling you guys, you're going to see her parading around the street, giving Hugh Grant handies.

So you're trying to say that because you used olive oil instead of avocado oil.

It's like, you know, those, you know what they say.

It's the little things that take them down.

I guess so.

I mean, I don't even know if olive oil is bad.

I mean, in Italy, they must use it.

Oh, have you been on Instagram?

Olive oil is bad.

Low smoke point.

I don't know what this smoke point thing is.

Sarah, have you ever heard of this?

I thought that bachelor at parties were addressing like flappers.

So he hasn't been on the internet in quite some time.

That's right.

I guess I hadn't heard this about motherhood.

I mean, you know,

I don't know.

It doesn't sound that bad to me.

I think you should give yourself a bad person.

Oh, no.

That is very sweet.

Everybody does that with mom.

You're doing such a good job.

You're such a good mom.

It's okay to be a shitty mom.

All right.

I wouldn't even call yourself a shitty mom.

I mean, you're not.

You don't even know about her birthday party.

Okay.

What happened on her birthday party?

She loves princesses, right?

Okay.

She just dies for them.

Every morning, she's like, I got to get in a princess dress, mom.

I'm like, okay, which one?

You know, we have a line of like 17 of them, right?

Okay, you have bought 17 princess dresses for your kid?

Yeah.

That's 16 too many, I would say.

Maybe 17.

Shitty mom.

Thank you for confirming.

And that's what I want.

No, but I just want to normalize it, right?

Okay.

I'll normalize it.

Throw this huge party.

Get all these food, these cakes.

She wants a pouch.

Well, what did I do?

I went and got her in, Iowa and got a bunch of applesauce pouches.

Okay,

she wanted apple peach.

We didn't have a goddamn apple peach anywhere.

So I'm running around.

I'm trying to do, and you know what?

And then I just relax into it.

We've been to the third grocery store, and I was like, I'm a shitty mom.

My kids going down the two.

No, no, this, this, I got to say, Elsie, you, you have to give yourself a break.

This, I mean, that is so sweet.

Half of it was apple.

Because it was just Mother's Day.

I have to give myself a break.

That's what they say on Mother's Day.

No, no, I mean, that is so cute.

Yeah, she wanted Apple Peach.

You got Apple.

I mean, you know, it's not that far off.

But it's the little things that just chip away at their psychology.

These are too little.

Microaggressions.

Thank you, Sarah.

Are you being aggressive?

Well, I only talk to her in

gentle parenting.

What's that with that?

No, no, no.

I barely talk to her.

Okay.

I let her mostly do that.

What is gentle parenting again?

It's just whatever they say, go.

Whatever they say, go.

And you run.

And that's literally, it's just whatever.

Just whatever they say, you just take off in the opposite direction.

Hop to hop to.

So I'm a bad mom.

If you're a bad mom, then my mom was terrible.

No.

She used to tell me that it looked like rats had been sucking on my hair when I got out of the car for school.

Rats had been sucking

hair.

Yeah.

She said, why didn't you run a comb through your hair?

None of that.

It looks like rats have been sucking on it.

Yeah.

It's very, it's a visceral description of it.

An example of things that have been sucked on by rats.

I don't think I've parented for it.

I mean, usually it's like when someone says they have ratty hair, it's because it looks like a rat's like fur or tail.

Yeah, and I like hearing it for the first time, but that's not a regional thing that everybody.

I've never heard that excuse me.

No, no, no.

Fantastic.

That's just something my mother and aunts said.

But you know what?

Good for her.

Good for her.

I know, but like how people were parenting in the 70s, 80s, and 90s was like so much worse than what you're talking about.

Oh, I think people just say that to be nice.

No, people were getting like kidnapped because they were riding their bikes like 18 hours a day.

Oh my God, I wish I could get kidnapped.

What?

You were saying why kidnapped?

No, no, no.

I just mean like, you know, sometimes it's the other way around.

You tell your kids, you know, don't be around a white van.

And you're like, looking for those white vans as you're driving your kid around.

Yeah.

I mean, it sounds to me like you're just exhausted.

You.

So listen, I think it's so sweet.

You're all looking at me like, like, oh, she's so, guys.

I know what trash looks like.

You're not.

I'm like a, I mean, I guess I'm one of those rats sucking on your hair.

No, I don't see that at all.

You're on your phone right now, like setting up play dates and watching.

Oh, yeah.

I have carpal tunnel.

That's what the that's what the.

That doesn't make you a bad mom to have carpal tunnel syndrome.

Well, then I can't pick her up as easily.

I got to take them off when we go.

As easily, you're still picking her up.

Oh, sure.

Well, of course.

Biff, can I talk to you for a second?

Yeah, of course.

Sarah, you want to join us over here?

A huddle?

Yeah.

Okay, don't get so excited.

You have dollar signs in your eyes right now.

A huddle?

All right.

It's like the old days.

Hey, Biff,

it feels like Elsie Lynn is hanging by a thread here.

Sure.

I don't think she's doing all that bad of a job, but she seems exhausted.

Right.

We need you.

to give her some sort of motivation here.

The motivational speaker needs motivation.

How ironic is that?

All right, I'm going to go out to my car.

I'm going to grab my eggs, my toilet paper.

Look, I have some eggs right here, okay?

And I, during the break, I got some toilet paper.

I couldn't find any Gatorade, but I got a bunch of eggs and toilet paper.

So perfect.

Okay, give me one minute.

One minute.

What do you need the minute for?

I'm sorry.

Well, I also, I don't mean to say that.

If I'm going to shit on your front porch, I need a second.

You, okay.

Do you need it?

Do you need caffeine or something like that?

Like a cup of coffee or something?

Why are you making me say those?

I don't understand.

Like, toilet paper in a house, does that entail shitting?

No.

Well, she's going to shit on the porch and

put it in a bag.

Yeah, put it it in a bag.

Oh, oh, great, great.

And when I say she, I mean he.

Yeah.

Okay, Biff, are you ready?

Yep.

Oh, moms, take a knee.

I can't.

I'm so sorry.

All right, then sit comfortably.

Oh, I.

Punch his locker.

What's going on out there, everybody?

What the hell am I seeing out there on that field?

Yeah.

We are garbage.

No, no.

We are trash.

You are playing the game of your life.

You.

You're killing it.

You're the best mom I ever saw in my whole time.

No.

Scott.

What about me?

Yeah.

I'm going to loop right back around to you.

I'll be back in one second.

Sarah, so

you're a national treasure.

My mom sends you clips of you saying stuff all the time.

Maybe you're right.

Maybe I should leave this kid.

No, that's not what I mean.

Maybe I should just get out.

Get out of the game.

We're going to find you a therapist.

What?

Yep.

My kid has four therapists.

I don't have time for therapy.

I had to take my kid to therapy.

We're going to...

You're going to leave leave your partner because I can tell by your everything that they're not very supportive.

Who are you with right now?

Who did you have the baby with?

What was his name?

Okay, this is

Larry.

Who?

Larry.

Yeah, I don't see him much.

It's not Larry H.

Parker, is it?

Oh, my God.

The lawyer.

What?

The cartoon lawyer?

I just want to make sure.

It is Larry H.

Parker?

Of course.

Okay.

Larry.

You said Larry H.

Larry H.

Parker.

Yes.

Yes.

With an H in the middle.

Yeah.

He,

I mean, he, he just passed away.

My daughter's name is Parker.

Her name is Parker Parker.

Yes.

Yeah.

Wow.

I'm so sorry for your loss.

Thank you.

Yeah, he's on billboards everywhere.

Well, it seems like I'm going to really enjoy your special.

Yeah.

We'll have a really special meeting for you.

Yeah.

Okay.

Did that work?

Do you think

that's the best way to do that?

No, I think you're going to need to get to the eggs.

Yeah, all right.

I'm going to go ahead and get a little bit of a bunch of.

I'm waiting for my compliments because...

Yes.

Scott Auckerman.

I like...

What did you say earlier about the boys coming out in spring?

That I liked.

You liked that?

I liked that.

I've been talking now for over an hour, and that's the only thing that you liked.

I loved that.

It made me smile, Scott Auckerman.

If I can give someone one smile, that's really all anyone can expect out of a podcast is one smile.

Yeah, I loved it.

Okay.

I'm feeling a little low confidence.

Can somebody coach me?

Sarah, you want to coach Biff over here?

Biff, you're killing it.

You are absolutely killing it.

What advice would you have for new moms?

You know, as I said before, what she says, go, run.

Uh-huh.

So just.

So just what, you know, if you're trying to get shoes on to your kid as they're going out the door.

Why is that so hard, by the way, getting shoes on kids?

Like, shouldn't it be easier?

Like, that's the number one problem that the parents have, I think, is getting shoes on kids.

I would put a pencil through my eye right now.

I would.

I had this this morning.

It was impossible.

Like, this has got to be easier.

Like, shouldn't you?

They should invent shoes that are like a magnet come over to you and then wrap, like, seal themselves around the foot, shouldn't they?

No, no.

And so you just have to...

The shoes are never going to go on the feet.

So just send them off shoeless.

So carry them even with your feet.

Jerry Jackson style yes you know if you don't wear shoes for long enough your feet kind of make their own shoe the cavemen didn't have shoes that's right they have calluses animal pelts yeah you just become a shoe your feet yeah

enough skin develops i have a second compliment for you scott i like that you said caveman penis under your breath just now

i think i said it full-throatedly but

um all right well we are running out of time unfortunately we only have time for one final final feature on the show, and that is, of course, a little something called plugs.

An old plugs.

We at Comedy Bang Bang Care.

Sorry.

Oh, seriously.

That was aggressive.

That was We at Comedy Bang Bang Care by the Human Neighbor.

Thanks so much to the Human Neighbor.

If you have a plugs theme, head over to Comedy Bang Bang World or cbbworld.com slash plugs.

And there you can upload all of your themes, and you can be famous for for a week and the human neighbor you are famous for a week congratulations enjoy it while it lasts and sarah what are we plugging it's a great name like a human the human neighbor the human neighbor love that yeah um we're uh speaking of great names postmortem is out tonight yes we've said it so many times post-mortem post-mortem sarah silverman post-mortem on netflix uh you have any uh uh voyager style tv appearances on the horizon no

you should should be on the new Star Trek shows.

Like, they come back to your character.

Rain Robinson.

You're still Rain Robinson.

She's still at Griffith Park hanging out.

Yeah.

Maybe.

Maybe.

Hey, you are.

I'm in Cannon.

I'm Cannon, right?

Yeah, and you're Tech of Vale.

I'm Tech of Vale.

That's right.

But post-mortem out tonight.

Everyone should check it out.

Biff Brisket, what do you want?

My podcast, Hay Riddle Riddle, is going on tour this year.

You have a podcast, Biff?

I have a lot of different hands and a lot of different honeypots.

That's something we say down in our future.

Yeah, Irons and Fires is maybe a little more combination.

That's what it is.

Irons and Crimson Fires.

So, Hey Riddle Riddle, anywhere you find podcasts.

And if you want to come see us live, we're doing like 15 different cities.

Fantastic.

Where do people get info on that?

Heyriddle Riddle.com.

Hey RiddleRiddle.com.

It's live.

It's a live.

It's on Instagram.

Wonderful.

And Elsie Lynn, what do you plug in?

I'm going to go off the grid for a little bit.

You're going off the grid.

Are you going to abandon your child?

I'm just going to see what kind of white van I can get involved.

Normally, I would say that's a bad idea, but with you, I think it might be apropos.

You know?

I think you need some separation.

Shit is as shit does.

Well, what do I want to plug?

I want to plug, I mentioned CBB World.

You can get the entire archive of this show.

You can listen to ad-free episodes.

You can hear every live episode we've ever done there.

Plus, we have new shows.

We have CBB Presents where people from this show have their own shows, like Hey Randy with Randy Snuts, and Who Me with the Batman.

And this book's changed my life with Lily Sullivan, and

E-Prey Dunk with Bill Walton.

Plus, you have Scott Hasn't Seen, where we watch movies.

Sarah, you were liking that.

That's why we watched Pretty Woman, did we not?

We did.

And had a great time.

And that's with Sprague the Whisperer.

Big mistake.

Yeah.

Huge.

Huge for us to watch that movie.

I did not care for it.

Um, and uh, we have College Town, we have the neighborhood listen, uh, ad-free freedom, so much over there.

Head on over to cbbworld.com and uh, let's close up the old plug bag.

Yeah,

you've got to make your dreams,

you've got to,

you've got to,

you've got to make your dream

these

bags.

Oh, yeah.

That was Home, Home, Homer by Brian Pickard.

I hope I'm saying that correctly.

Brian Pickard.

Thanks to Brian Pickard for that closing up the plugback theme.

And guys, I want to thank you so much.

Sarah, always a pleasure to have you.

I hope you'll come back for episode 14.

I

will.

Your 14th appearance, not episode 14 of the show.

I was just thinking, I wonder if it's Brian Picard.

It could be.

Oh, speaking of Star Trek.

Bringing it all around like a real improviser.

Amazing.

And also, I want to thank Biff Brisket here.

And good luck to you.

Thank you for having me.

Of course.

The most normal thing you've said today.

And Elsie Lynn,

good luck to you.

I sincerely hope you abandon your child and check yourself into a mental institution.

Thank you so much.

It's really been a pleasure.

It's my sincere wish for you.

Me, unfortunately, I got to keep on going.

We'll see you next week.

Thanks.

Bye.

Adam Pally here, and I'm John Gabris.

We're a couple actors and best friends who you may know as the hosts of the TV show 1001 Places to Party Before You Die.

Now, we're bringing you a comedic look at health and wellness with our new show, Staying Alive.

We'll have guests like our friend, actor Jerry O'Connell, ketamine therapist Dr.

Steven Radowitz, Paul Shear, Ego Woda, Jillian Bell, Dr.

Doolittle.

Staying Alive with John Gabers and Adam Pally is out right now.

Get them a week early and ad-free with SiriusXM Podcast Plus on Apple Podcasts.

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