Who Done It? (Wayne Brady, Lily Sullivan, Jacob Wysocki)

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Some like it hot, some like it cold.

I like it stinky and covered in mold.

Welcome to Comedy Bang Bang.

Thank you to Pugsley's Chicken for that catchphrase submission.

I don't know if that one's gonna be the one.

I don't know.

Some like it hot, some like it cold, and I like it stinky and covered in mold.

I don't know.

That could be the thing we say every single episode.

That's hot.

Yeah, it's not bad, right?

If you heard that, every single week, would you be annoyed by it after week one, maybe?

I would be be turned on.

You would be, really.

We're gonna, this, I want to segue into a what turns you on podcast, by the way.

We're gonna get very deep into it.

Uh, thank you to Pugsley's Chicken.

I'm sorry, that one's not gonna stick, but uh, welcome to Comedy Bang Bang for another week.

My name is Scott Auckerman.

We have an exceptional lineup for the show today.

Coming up a little later, we have a Peloton instructor, and we also have America's favorite rabbit.

America, I wonder if that's just the lower lower 48.

Because I would imagine in Hawaii or Alaska, they might have different tastes on rabbits.

Who's your favorite rabbit, if you don't mind me asking?

And I'll introduce you in a second.

My favorite rabbit?

No one's asked me that before.

Ever?

No one's asked me that before.

That's impossible.

No, no, no.

That's never come up in conversation.

I've been asked about my favorite fowl,

but never my favorite rabbit.

Okay, two-part question.

What's your favorite rabbit and what's your favorite fowl?

Oh, I hate fowl.

I don't have a favorite.

My family,

we are foul killers.

Are you really?

You come from a long line of foul killers.

Deep family grudge.

We are kind of like the vampire killers of the South, except it's foul.

Is this like the Hatfield and the McCoy's?

A foul did something to your family?

It goes back to it's a whole thing.

Frederick Douglass,

the White House, even Lincoln, foul.

This goes all the way to the top.

Ruin talks between our people, the the secret society have been assigned uh trained as a kid killed fouls from here to argentina how many have you killed in in your 3086 3086 and i remember every face every single face so if you killed one a day that's plus vitamins that's probably about 10 years of killing fouls but i just stopped i just stopped because because between my my busy schedule my my shooting schedule

so your busy schedule and your shooting schedule are two different things two different things two Two different things.

So, you're very busy when you're not shooting television.

Oh, yeah.

I'm always tired.

Really?

Are you really?

I'm always tired.

You've, by the way, for the listener, this is a podcast.

You can't see what's happening.

Our guest has been yawning in between every word, which is tough to do.

So, shout out to your editors that the fact that they've been able to assemble, because really it sounds like

that.

So, nice to see you guys.

Yeah, we just gave everyone a little taste of what it actually sounds like.

Yeah, like behind the curtain.

Yeah.

Well, this is an incredible story.

I don't think anyone's ever gotten this out of you.

This is an easy interview.

It's because I'm so tired, I let the truth slip.

I understand.

So I get you more early.

This is maybe the earliest we've ever done a show, by the way.

Wow.

Yeah, because I was wondering when I was asked to do it and the time came across, I said, wow, these guys are going to do it at nine o'clock.

That's really sweet.

I believe nine o'clock was a request from your team.

Because,

well, well, well, yes.

And now I realize so i thank you so much because i thought oh they're doing it at nine but but i realize that you're doing it for me because when i leave here when i'm not killing fowl uh and also rabbits but i'll go into that later oh okay okay yeah we'll talk about that uh i on mondays as of right now i'm an adjunct professor at uh at usc so i'm a lecturer there so Because I just need something else during the week to do.

I just need one more thing to make me tired.

What is your field?

And I'll introduce you in a second.

What is your field that you're lecturing on, if you don't mind me asking?

The class is called Improvisation for Camera.

But what I really do in the class is, well, I teach killing the foul.

Oh, so this is a secret kind of thing.

It's like Buffy the Vampire Slayer.

But besides that, yeah, it's acting for

improvisation for a camera.

And also, I teach straight acting in it, but also using improvisation as an audition tool, using it to free themselves up pre-audition, not to get boring actory stuff,

but to give pre-life to scenes,

teaching them that when you get a script, that there's got to be something before, even though this is a written script that came out of somebody else's mind.

Your job as the actor, if you're using play, fun, just play.

Come up with something.

Don't just start at that point because it's not as rich as if you're able to oh i'll make up that this thing happened get into the script and then then what what i also hate seeing from uh tapes from other actors is when the script is over you just go and then jeremy left and they go okay i'm just shit is finished and they click over and they turn off the camera they're done like no play so i teach them to do all that on camera and how often are you watching tapes from other actors uh actually more more than not because i also produce

shows so i'm seeing people do do things and half the time like oh don't do that that's gonna lose you the job i like you're getting in there early with america america's bright stars of tomorrow Yeah, because if one of them hits it, I want to be able to call him a favor.

It's like, hey, man, remember me?

As I'm at their red carpet and I've got a 40 in a brown paper bag because I've fallen off.

And hey, man, it's me.

Can I get in that movie?

And then they have to ignore me or they go, hey, it's so good to see you.

And they pat my hand and walk on.

I think that's what would probably happen, especially with the 40 in your hand.

Oh, oh, yeah, oh, yeah.

Oh, that's going to happen.

That's kind of the dream, though.

You know what I mean?

If like you could get rid of everything in your life and just have a 40 in your hand in a paper bag.

Burn bright, drink brown.

That is, that's your new slow.

Yes.

I mean, we hit upon Comedy Bang Bang, We We Care last week.

Okay.

But Burn Bright, Drink Brown.

I think that's.

Comedy Bang Bang.

Burn Bright, Drink Brown.

And it's got to be a discussion.

It's a tiny key change down one half step.

Yep.

You know, I also was at USC talking to the chill, probably the same kids about a month ago or so, I believe.

Were you there for their

sketch fest or whatever they call it?

Yes.

Fracas.

Frack.

Is that what it was called?

Frackis?

Fracas?

Fracas?

Yeah, frackis.

How do you pronounce pronounce it?

Oh, oh, there was a hullabaloo and a fracas.

A big fracas.

Fracas sounds.

Fracas sounds.

Yeah, it doesn't sound wrong.

Fracas.

I think it's fracas.

Fracas.

I think the way you said it originally.

But it sounds like a brand.

Fracas got to be abroad.

It's got to be abroad.

Fracas.

Yeah, fracas.

Oh, there's a huge fracas.

Yeah.

Yeah, there was a bunch of mishigas and some fracus ensued.

Yeah.

But that's one thing we have in common.

We have a lot in common.

Let's see.

You played Billy Flynn in Chicago.

So did I.

You were on Broadway.

I was in high school.

Hey, you know what?

This is what I tell people, like in my class.

Here's the big secret.

For those of you theater kids that you do improvisation and sketch and you did, Broadway is like high school.

It's a lot of school.

Broadway is exactly like doing

your junior or senior class play.

except it's Broadway, which then which then is just like doing for those of you that have done theme park shows, that you do five shows, shows a day, which is just like doing a cruise ship show.

The only difference is scope and scale and professionalism, maybe a budget

and budget, but it's the same.

Sometimes I shit you not.

I'll be on stage, and this sounds like I'm not a very present actor, but I'm very, very present.

Well, you do so many of these shows, you got to think about something during the day.

But but every blue moon, I'll marvel at how cool it is that I'm doing this thing and go, wow.

And then I go, This is this is just like when I did

did Oklahoma in my junior year of high school?

High school.

When you play in Oklahoma, because I was in Oklahoma too.

Shut up.

Yeah.

We have very similar countries.

Okay, on the count of three, let's say who we were.

One, two, three.

Judd.

Oh, you and I were at odds.

Oh.

Oh, poor Judd is dead.

Well, yeah.

Yeah, I got permanent ear damage from the gun that Judd, or I fired.

I can't remember that scene name or so long ago.

I think.

You know, when Curly goes into Judd's shack, I guess.

Yes, right after the song, right?

Yeah, because it's been forever since I've even shooted

a movie gun in a and makes a hole in the wall or something.

It's got to be Judd because I don't think that Curly would shoot the gun because I don't remember.

I think they maybe they both do or something.

And then I seem to remember that when I would shoot, like there was a little thing that they would pop out of the wall, like I shot a hole in the wall.

Your school had money.

This was professional theater.

Wow.

Oh, excuse me.

Oh, I didn't stop at high school.

went on for four more years and then quit.

Quit early so that you don't end up with the 40 in your hand.

Exactly.

Burn bright.

No brown.

We have a lot in common.

He was in Hamilton.

I watched a production of it, not the one he was in.

You know our guests.

I'm going to introduce you now.

Let us tarry no further.

He first burst onto our screens in whose line is it anyway?

How many seasons of that did you do?

Well, we still.

doing it.

As of, because it's on CW, went from ABC for years to a reboot on the seed CW.

And I want to say,

God, I guess we've been doing that for seven, eight years now.

Like, this may be the final season.

I'm not sure.

The CW cuts.

Is this an announcement?

An exclusive announcement?

Is this the final season?

Oh, no, they've already talked about it.

So

I don't know.

I try to keep up with those things.

But I think it's 20-something seasons if you put them all together.

Yeah, of just you know how many years?

Because it's since the 90s, right?

Is that when it started?

I think we went on the air in 99 and then it was 10 consecutive seasons.

Right.

And then it was on ABC Family for a few years, just running and running and running.

And then we started the CW version because, you know, for network TV, it's cheap programming.

Yeah.

And it's funny as hell.

So they get a bargain.

So, yeah.

Really,

the only costs are the 20 mil an episode, I assume, that you get, right?

Oh, yeah, yeah, that's how much they pay me to improvise.

Yeah, 20 million forties, right?

20 million forties in my dressing room in a pyramid.

It's got to be.

That's a tough pyramid to be.

It's got to be a pyramid.

So, shout out to Gustav the PA that has to do that.

But

we then have seen him in so many things.

You a five-time Emmy Award winner, I believe.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Well, you know what?

That's on Wikipedia.

It's really six, but I don't fight it because it's because my talk show also won

when your show wins.

You as a producer wins.

So that, yeah, so it's really six, but I take five because that's also as a performer.

So I take that and a bunch of nominations from the daytime thing, which is fun.

When you go to the daytime Emmys, is it in the daytime?

Is it at like 9 a.m.

and everyone's in a talks and

weird?

That actually would be fun.

That's my experience of the Emmy.

No,

it's late.

It's early evening.

It's early evening.

So they don't give you the evening one to make it seem like...

Late afternoon, early evening, because, well, this is when it was telecast because it's gone through so many.

At first, it was a big deal, the daytime Emmys, and then they cut budget, and then it wasn't, and then it was basically you could stream it

if you wanted to.

Right, if you wanted to.

No one's making you.

No, no, right to to stream this.

Yeah.

Nobody watch.

And so it's a thing now, again.

So it all depends on when they would do it.

Because if it was going to go live, then we'd do it at five.

Live at five.

That's how you can remember this.

And that's another thing that you could do as your motto.

Live at five.

Live at five.

Burn bright, drink brown, live at five.

We should do a live episode at 5 p.m.

every day.

Or 5 a.m.

I like this early morning thing.

I want to go earlier.

If you do it at 5 a.m., I'll come back.

Yes, because you have nothing going on the rest of the time.

Nothing going on.

Let's get to the end of your introduction.

You know him as the host of Let's Make a Deal, just a legend in this business.

He now has a podcast called What If that's out now, quite a few episodes out right now.

Please welcome Wayne Brady.

Thank you so much.

Welcome to the One Timers Club, the exclusive One Timers Club.

It feels good.

This jacket that you gave me feels really good.

It's, yeah, it's velvet.

It's kind of like the master's jacket in a way.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Well, I never wear the master's jacket.

We call it the

primary.

The primary jackets.

We no longer call it that.

It's the primary jacket.

Do they?

They got to change the name of that, don't they?

That's like the last thing being called a master's.

That's one of the things,

but I don't see it changing.

That's one of those clubs that they're not going to get off of that.

Yeah, I guess it is a different usage of the word master because they have a mastery of golf, I guess.

Right, which there are some things that I would fight for that though those of you that are interested in in the entomology of words yes i do believe that master bedroom should have been changed because they called it that specifically for that changing the masters tournament don't change it because it does mean mastery of something yes exactly maybe they should just change it to the mastery tournament and then it would clear everything up

then it sounds like witchcraft that's a good point Although Agatha all along was very big on Disney Plus.

I really enjoyed that.

Yeah, so did I.

You got Patty Lapone.

Who knew?

Patty Lapone.

Broadway, diva, legend extraordinaire.

Never worked with Patty Lapone.

Longtime fan.

Longtime fan.

Love her.

Except I do have.

I hate when people say, I love this person, and then they go, but.

So I'll just say,

I love Patty Lapone.

Period.

New thought.

It is interesting to me, though, when, you know, recently she had that thing of

when she i don't know if you saw her theater was close to the theater where uh where alicia keys is musical yes hell's kitchen hell's kitchen great show

won all these tony awards beat my show the whiz for our

grammy but that's okay because if you're gonna lose lose to alicia keys sure she had she took umbrage offense at the fact that hell's kitchen's theater was loud it's It's hip-hop, it's R ⁇ B, it's big and boisterous.

And she at her other theater, she got angry.

And that's one of the first times I went, wow,

that is some mature white lady privilege that you are going to tell a whole theater to

turn your music down.

Wow, this really is the great white way.

You know,

I was the guy she yelled at in the crowd.

Shut up.

Yeah, that was me.

That actually would make me happy if it really was you singing i was so embarrassed hey patty

hey patty patty what's up baby

patty you i know you see me patty patty i did go see her and mandy patinkin's two-person show on new year's eve at the matinee wow several years ago my wife and i went and it was so many old people who were falling asleep and and the sound of candy wrappers being opened was so loud And she couldn't get mad at that?

I think she was trying to tune all of that out.

So she sang Don't Cry for Me, Argentina, directly at us and looked us in the eye the entire time because we were the only young people paying attention.

It was thrilling.

Which I do say, I'd say once again, as a die-hard theater kid, I love...

I love Patty Lapone and I love Mandy Patank.

And I got a chance to work with him

for a season on this thing on CBS The Good Fight.

You don't say that's a picture of him right up there.

Yeah, so I give props to Broadway Royalty.

Right in the background.

You can see half of my body.

Were you doing a show with him?

He was in a movie that

I wrote and was in.

Wait a second.

What is that?

It's the Mr.

Show movie.

Wayne's going to walk across the room and

take a look at it.

I'm the police officer, and he is playing the Ronnie Dobbs in the Ronnie Dobbs musical.

That is hilarious.

The fact that you have Mandy Botankin shirtless.

We didn't ask him to be.

He offered.

He showed up like that.

Yep.

He's like, I woke up like this.

Are you going to wardrobe, Mr.

Batankin?

No, this is me.

This is it.

This is it.

I love that you are such a theater fan.

You still do it all the time, which is great.

And who better?

to do theater than you know i mean if you're not doing theater who should well because it's not even see like i'm not even a fan and it's a luxury that it's, it's, it's what I do.

It's my, it's, no, no, it's my job.

It's a, it's like we show up on set.

That's the other part of my job.

I, I do the Let's Make a Deal thing or I shoot a sitcom or something, but then I go to do Broadway because that's what I love.

That's, it's, because I have to make that distinction sometime because there are people that they dibble.

Oh, I do some theater when I'm not doing my soap opera.

Well, good for you.

But this is like, that's my job.

Like that, that, that's my dream.

What's a, what's a dream role that you've never gotten to do that you would love to do?

Oh, that's a great question.

Um, thank you so much.

I've been working on my questions.

Your questions

for 16 years.

I just got good like three weeks ago.

You know what?

Good for you for not giving up and showing up with a 40 in your hand.

I know.

Good for you for not burning out.

Good for you.

Burning bright and drinking brown.

Come on, man.

We care.

I'm getting that t-shirt.

A dream role, just off the top of my head, I would have loved to have done.

Well, as my daughter likes to point out when she listens to the soundtrack of Hairspray, she goes, Dad, you would have been so great at seaweed, but you're too old now.

I go, oh, thanks for

letting you know about the passage of time.

Well, I think, I mean, I saw To Kill a Mockingbird on Broadway, that Aaron Sorkin won, and it had like 50-year-olds playing the little kids.

You know, like you could, you could still do it.

It's the magic of theater.

It's the magic of theater, but not the magic magic of my knees.

I'm not doing those splits now with seaweed.

So that's just one world.

And I would have loved to have played.

Oh,

if there's ever a,

I would love to play Applegate in

Damn Yankees.

Oh, that's a great show.

It's a Jerry Lewis show.

You saw Jerry Lewis.

Nice.

What was it like?

Because I heard, because I had a couple friends in the cast.

I thought, I was thrilled because big fan of, of Dean Martin, Jerry Lewis, and all that.

And he just kind of stopped the show.

Real talent.

Stopped the show in the middle of it and did bits for a long time that were sort of non-related.

Yeah, non-related to the thing.

I thought it was very funny.

And then Patton Oswald, as a gift to a bunch of us who did a show with him, a stage reading of The Day the Clown Cried, he bought us all tickets to see it again.

And then everyone just made fun of it the entire time.

And I felt kind of embarrassed because I liked it.

Don't ever be embarrassed for liking weird theater.

When you say I've been to the past in the 90s,

give me a pep talk about that.

Yeah, I want to just hug you.

Thank you.

But I need to introduce myself before time traveling wanes because it's odd if this brother just appears out of nowhere and starts hugging you in the middle of a theater with Jerry Lewis.

96.

I don't know if I would have been aware of you yet.

Right.

Like I just would have been a complete stranger to you.

Yeah.

Hey,

what are you doing?

And then on stage, yeah, I am you.

And then I disappear

again.

All All those things that once would have just been weird.

And maybe I would have thrown you off the rest of your career path.

That's a good point.

Yeah, I would have been constantly like, time travel exists, I think.

And then suddenly I would have, in 99, I would have seen you in whose line is it anyway?

And I would have been.

But maybe we would have crossed paths because I feel like we would have crossed paths earlier.

Because before whose line, I did this thing called Quick Wits

on NBC with a bunch of folks that I know that we all have in common.

I feel like I met

the person you work with, Jonathan, a lot.

Jonathan, Jonathan, yeah, we've been together since then.

I feel like I met him in the 90s and haven't seen him since.

Yeah, like I know that we've crossed past.

And then before then,

my group, The House of the Honkies, we used to do a show down on

what's the comedy theater that isn't there anymore?

Iowa or on the Promenade or like close to

the yeah, I did a lot of shows there.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Second City and UCB.

That was coming up with.

No.

No, it was.

I think it was a U-word.

It was close to the water.

Yeah.

And a lot of us used to intermingle in

that late night.

That's where Mr.

Show

did all of their live shows

to get their show.

Exactly.

I did a bunch of sketch shows there.

So, so we

really are very close.

I feel like we're two.

We have a lot in common other than the success part.

Yeah, like it's quantum entanglement.

It's very close.

That I feel we've been boom, boom, boop.

You're who I would have been had I made a lot of different choices.

but i have that picture of me and mandy butinkin i'll always have that

oh my god my head hurts let's talk let's talk about your podcast because uh i i've listened to this it's a it's a big treat at first i was like oh okay we have a celebrity podcast.

It's probably an interview show.

I looked at the guest lineup.

You have great guests like Nicole Beyer, Bobby Moynihan,

Colton Dunn, a lot of people who have been on this show.

And

I was like, oh, is this an interview show?

But it's actually a little bit different.

It is a little bit of an interview show.

I came up with this thing for my class, which I'm not claiming it's genius, but for me, it helps to make things make sense just in life.

Improvisation is a conversation.

And sometimes I would have to say that to myself when I'm even talking with people in real life because of the way that sometimes my mind works when people are talking and you're having this long conversation and I've already gone to the end of the conversation and like, I'm done with this.

I go, no, no, no, no, no, no, you can't be finished with it.

Actually, listen to the rest of the conversation so you can be involved in it.

So I go, okay.

I'm making up conversation.

I have to follow the same rules that I follow on stage with this person in real life.

And then that will help me in relationships and blah, blah, blah.

So we thought, okay, let's have conversations with people.

And out of that conversation, just like we're doing, stuff will come.

So as long as,

and I have people that I'm fans of, so I get a chance to go, oh, hey, I know this about you and I know that about you.

So what about blah, blah, blah, blah?

And then we get into the, well, I know that you went to Chicago for such and such and you were blah, blah, blah.

What, what if you didn't?

What else would you have done?

Well, maybe I would have been a blah, blah.

Great.

And then immediately, Jonathan and I cut to that scene or how this thing would have happened or how would your life have changed?

Or maybe it's just a weird thing that happened to them this morning.

So we take the conversation piece of a talk show and we blow it out into the performance piece.

So, fans of this show, I think, would be very interested in this because you're doing improv scenes based on suggestions, essentially.

The suggestion being a conversation that you're having with a guest.

And then the guest participates.

Do they always participate?

Or

a lot of time they do because Colton and Colton and Bobby, they obviously have done improv for a long time.

colton we we had one of the most uh

one of my

best times that i've had on the podcast so far was colton's song that just came out of nowhere because we're talking about his name and then all of a sudden branson our pianist started playing and we did this this uh this uh thug thug um uh rap song about colton and he's like colton from the streets this name because i'm a bad mother hugger hugger.

I'll be hugging, I'm a hugging motherfucker, because I'm hugging.

And we just came, and that's that's what it is.

That's what, and like, just like we're doing, the sense of play that comes out of this conversation that all of a sudden it's a song.

Yes, it's just so silly, but it's playful and it's fun.

But then you get to hear people operating at the top of their abilities.

That's the fun for me.

I just love seeing people do their thing.

It's a very fun podcast because, you know, it starts as just kind of background information or, or I listened to the Bobby Moynihan one.

You're talking about the SNL 50th.

And then it just segues, your pianist starts playing, and then it segues into scenes based on everything you've been talking about.

It's really a lot of fun.

I was

laughing my little butt off.

Oh, thank you.

I have no butt anymore.

Thanks to you.

You're welcome.

Yep.

Butts get you in trouble, so it's just best to not have it.

Wouldn't it be great not if human beings just didn't have butts?

We're working on that.

Yeah.

Oh, good.

Really?

Yeah.

Yeah, yeah.

Okay.

You have a grant, some sort of fellowship?

I just got a grant and myself and the other scientists.

That's what you're really doing, USE.

That's my passion.

That's my passion.

To eradicate butts.

Because if we get rid of the butts, then A, we wouldn't have to...

Do you know how much time we waste using the bathroom from the back?

I know.

That's the thing.

So much time.

We need to

have all of our excrement through the front.

What would you suggest?

The mouth or the...

well, well, I'm just keeping it to one hole.

That if we're able to eliminate the butt in that area and we just peed

and we just pee.

We pee out of it and it's fine, isn't it?

We should be able to squirt some poop out of there.

Thank you.

I've been saying this for years, but other scientists laughed at me.

I won't laugh at you.

Thank you.

I'll laugh near you.

Okay, see?

Next to you.

Thank you.

Around you.

And I love that.

With you?

And that's the best.

That's the best.

So, so look out 2027.

No butts.

I guarantee you, my nanotechnology will be approved at that point.

You mentioned Theme Park, working in theme parks.

You had a very fun role in theme parks back before you moved to Los Angeles.

Even when I was here in Los Angeles.

You did it here at

so many theme parks I've done.

Yeah, and you were

a mischievous character known as Beetlejuice.

No, I wasn't Beetlejuice.

You weren't Beetlejuice?

No, no, no.

You were in the Beetlejuice show.

I was in the Betelgeuse.

This is for you old school theme park fans.

I was in the Betelgeuse Rock and Roll Graveyard Review here at Universal Studios Los Angeles and also in Orlando.

I played in the Orlando cast, I was Dracula

and in the LA cast, I was Dracula and Wolfman.

And for those of you that go, Wayne, you're high, let me explain what the show was.

It's actually a great concept.

And you know, they're opening up this new park in Orlando right now, Universal is, which I hope they have this show.

It's dedicated just to all of the monsters and stuff.

Oh, really?

I would have loved that when I was that dark universe that they were trying to do.

Didn't make it.

They've made it.

With the Russell Crowe, Dr.

Hyde?

Didn't work, but it's a theme park, and I hear it's amazing.

So here is the concept for the show.

Beetlejuice pops up from his,

well, from wherever Beetlejuice pops up.

He's like,

you hear the sound effects.

he pops on stage hey everybody it's me Betelgeuse I'm the ghost with the most accused and he's talking to the audience he's like all right you know what I got back there I got I got the wolf man I got the bride of Frankenstein I got Dracula I got from and he's making all these bad puns monster puns he's like all right so I'm gonna bring him out the he he he he introduces us and we come out in the in the classic form of the monsters to the Bella Lugosi um you know phantom of the opera with with the mask and with the organ

and we all come

attacking Beetlejuice.

He goes, All right, this ain't cool, we can have to fix this.

Oh, the count of three, say it with me, Beetlejuice, Beetlejuice, Beetlejuice.

He knocks us back into this thing called the transmogrifier.

Okay,

then when he goes,

this curtain of dry ice and lights, and the spectacle, boom, you hear sound effects.

When it stops,

what?

All of a sudden, Dracula goes from his gothic cape into this leather-wearing

rock and roller.

SM.

Well, there is one cast that, yeah, but it's more,

think,

think, more glam metal,

Sebastian Bach-ish.

Yes.

So there's that.

Then the Phantom of the Opera becomes like a Jerry Lee Lewis type guy with this lounge lizard with this purple suit on and this purple mask.

Wolfman is transformed transformed into a b-boy with this bright, colorful top with the furs sticking out, and jeans and Adidas.

And then he breakdances later.

The bride of Frankenstein is this like

incredibly hot

rock chick with tattered dress and

like a goth emo look or kind of goth, but very much like the evanescence, perhaps.

Oh, that's a good reference.

No, no, but like a like 70s or A80s rock with tight.

Pat Benatar kind of.

Thank you.

Yes.

Yes.

And then I'm leaving someone out, but they basically get transformed.

So that's what I did.

And when I moved out here to Los Angeles,

I

needed a gig.

So when I got out here, I was working at Universal Studios doing that show.

I was swinging both parts, five shows a day.

But here is the thing.

Doing that show, especially at that time, you know, 90 something,

it was an equity show at the theme park.

So I made

great money doing that show.

Equity is the actors' union, by the way, for those of you who don't know.

Great show, great pay, and it was one of the best theme park shows because you really were singing and dancing your ass off.

And a lot of my cast members are all on Broadway now because

that was the gig that you would do if you were a singer-dance.

Doing the same show on Broadway?

Wouldn't that be great?

Beetlejuice rock.

And is that Patty Lapone as the bride of Frankenstein?

Mandy Patankinkin.

Mandy Patankin as Frankenstein, the green clad rocker who plays the guitar?

Is that him?

I love you still know so much about that.

I mean, how many performances of it did you do?

Probably

thousands.

I did a few years' worth.

Tens of thousands.

And I loved it.

I loved doing that show.

Yeah.

Because I was on stage.

Yes.

Because I was on stage.

Not everyone, if you're out here trying to make it, which is what I try to tell these young actors, especially some that I talk to now, you know, that they end up seeing the end result.

They love, well, I'm going to be on TV or I'm going to be on.

It's like, look, man,

good for you if that happens and your TikTok video gets you a deal, which is very possible because that's how folks are hired now.

But I think I can speak to it.

We came up in the day when

myself and my group, the House Full of Honkies, When we moved from Orlando out here, we would do shows, sometimes there were seven of us in the group, where there would be just as many people in the audience and you do it and you love it because you're actually being funny and you're in front of a crowd.

And it's actually more fun than being in TV a lot of times is doing those shows.

Yeah.

That's

the stuff that like you have the dream of, oh, I'm going to make it and do movies and stuff.

And then you get to do movies and they're kind of a pain in the ass and you have to be there all day and it's stop and starts.

But like doing the actual shows to get the TV stuff is the most fun stuff.

And it pays.

Now, don't get me wrong.

I absolutely love TV and film.

It's great.

But that goes back to in the beginning when I was saying that high school theater and being on Broadway,

there's no difference in terms of it's the scale and scope.

But I had so much fun doing those seven person shows.

I had fun doing Beetlejuice when nobody

knows your name and you get to dress up and be silly.

It's all play.

Everything that we do right now, it's all play.

And you should do that.

That's why I wanted to do the what if podcast, because I actually get to play and say silly shit and

have fun.

It's super fun.

How, how, uh, is it open-ended?

Are you doing this

just till whenever or is it a season or what are your plans with it?

I just want to do it.

Yeah.

So I, so I believe it's open-ended, just in the sense of we just want to do it until A,

it's,

I want it to be successful, but I just want to have fun.

So I'm going to do it as long as it's fun.

Love it.

I love the people who get into podcasting because they want to have fun, because that's the only reason I think to do it.

Like the people who get into it of like, oh, my agent said that it's a big opportunity now.

Yeah.

Maybe the smartless guys, and that's about it.

Right.

It's one of those things.

Yes, maybe you can blow it up into something else, but you should never get into anything.

That's not the end result.

Do stuff for fun, and then maybe something will come out of it.

Every time, in my experience, every time that I've done something because I've been told, hey, you know, this is great for your career, you do this thing, blah, blah, blah.

Okay, it is the most miserable thing I've ever done in my life, and I want to yank my own head off and go bowling with it.

So I'm trying to not do that anymore.

Yes, exactly.

I love that.

Well, Wayne Brady, the podcast is What If?

With Jonathan Mengum.

I have to say that it's called Wayne Brady's What If with Jonathan Mankamp.

And you've known him for 30 some odd years, right?

Yeah.

We first started doing improv together in Orlando.

Shout out to SAC Theater.

I didn't know it was all the way back from Orlando, too.

Wow.

Yeah.

Sack Theater

and the seven of us that started that theater, which is still in Orlando right now, still

thriving.

We came out here and we became the House Full of Honkies.

And Jonathan and I have worked together since

we were 19 and 20.

He's your co-host on Let's Make a Deal.

A really funny guy.

It's a great podcast.

Go check it out.

We're going to take a break and then we're going to come back.

We have a great show.

A Peloton Instructor.

I can't wait.

I mean, this is a huge lineup.

She's tall.

A Peloton Instructor.

And then America's Favorite Rabbit.

Okay.

Yeah.

Okay.

I know this is going to be hard for you.

Yeah.

You pulled out your gat.

and you're polishing it right now.

And I'm cleaning it right now.

All right, Bessie.

All right, Bessie.

Oh, you named her.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah.

Guns are always female.

I find that cute.

Oh, it's so sweet.

I just kissed her.

Oh, that's yeah.

Be careful with that.

Oh,

you did kind of a tongue kiss, too.

Don't judge me.

No judgment.

I just, you go, you got to be careful.

All right, we're going to take a break.

We're going to be right back with more Wayne Brady, more comedy bang bang.

We'll be right back after this.

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Comedy Bang Bang, we're back.

Wayne Brady is here in the exclusive One Timers Club.

This is a huge club to be in.

I know.

This is pretty cool.

So when I come back, though, is the club less exclusive?

Well, it's worse because

if you come back and do more than one episode, the people who have done one episode are your Paul Rudds, your Ben Stillers,

Childish Gambino.

We all did one and then got way too successful and never came back.

But if you come back and do two, then it gets worse and worse.

Then suddenly you're like Adam Scott, who's done like 25 of them.

That guy, oh, he's definitely carrying a 40.

40 inches.

What?

If you know what I'm saying?

And I think I do.

We all know that he has a graph of having one of the biggest dicks in Hollywood, right?

But that's cumbersome.

40 inches?

How do you even, I don't even know how you would become aroused.

Now, famously, he showed his real penis in the movie The Overnight.

I don't know if you've ever seen this.

No, but now I need to go see it

just to prove a point.

Well, we have a wonderful guest coming up here.

We first met her, I believe, when we were on tour.

I forget exactly what

exact city did we see each other in?

I don't really remember, but it's wonderful to have her back.

Please, she's a Peloton instructor.

Please welcome Krendel.

All right, let's get on those bikes.

Go on, get on those bikes right now, boys.

I don't.

Get those ashes up in the air.

Get those heads down.

Oh, we got a lot of bikes.

All right, get on there.

Let's go.

Come on, we want that cadence up to 85.

All right, okay.

85 cadence.

We've got that resistance.

Go ahead and turn that up to 135.

Yeah, we're doing some dark.

135, that's too much.

Is it possible?

I think 60 is about the highest.

Okay.

Why are you guys here today?

I want you to think about that right now.

I want you to think about that long and hard.

What is your motivation today?

Because I am going to get you absolutely crumped and crammed.

Crumped?

I'm going to get you absolutely crimpled and crammed up.

Oh, we're gonna have you busting and bursting.

That's right.

I'm gonna tell you what my motivation is.

I'm gonna tell you, I have had some stomach issues all year long.

I have been having diarrhea multiple times a day.

We're talking 15, 16 times a day.

How are you?

I went to the gastroentinologist.

Guess what he said?

Oh, it's he.

That's it.

You have...

He quit his practice after he got my my shit delivered to him to do a test on my shit.

If you stop

why did it need to be delivered did you like pre-send I had to go home

do the shit test at home

He said if I didn't bring it in I'd have to put it in my fridge and I thought absolutely not I'm bringing that in today Brought it in.

He quit practicing medicine after he looked at my shit.

I'm trying not to take it personally.

Let's cool it off.

Let's cool it off.

Okay.

Ooh.

All right.

You can turn that music off.

How are my boys doing?

How you guys doing?

I'm a little winded, to be honest.

I don't think I've ever been winded doing this show.

Oh, God.

You guys looked so good out there on those bikes.

Ass is up.

Thank you.

Okay, let's keep it in our pants here.

This is a professional show.

No, absolutely.

No, that's why I came here.

I came here to meet someone.

That's why I came to me.

Oh, really?

That's why I brought my bike.

I'm single and and I want to meet someone.

That is your motivation today.

My motivation.

Someone, I love that for you.

Krendel, are you available?

I am available, but I should let you know off the top, I am a boy mom.

I am absolutely obsessed with my son, and there is nothing that is going to break that bond.

I love sons.

You do.

I love being father to many people.

I love to hear that.

I am absolutely ass up about that.

Wow.

We need to crump and cram some more today, don't we?

Yes, let's crump some.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah.

How are we going to do that?

Well, we're probably going to do another round on those bikes.

Oh, God.

Oh, my God.

Scott,

I do have a bike in the corner.

Let me get mine.

Get your bike.

Get your ass over here.

Okay.

Yeah.

Finally, you know, I'd love to see it, Scott.

I have not seen you online in so long.

Where have you been?

I'm sorry.

I have a busy schedule now.

I'm doing podcasts at 9 a.m.

now.

I know.

I heard I reached out to your assistant.

You did.

She said you were recording your first episode at 4 a.m.

Yeah.

Then you had another one at about 5.

I'm the Jeffrey Katzenberg in terms of breakfasts to pod me doing podcasts.

Does that make sense to anyone who has never worked with Jeffrey Katzenberg before?

Industry.

Absolutely not.

He has many breakfasts every morning.

And Wayne, where have you been?

You had a bike over the pandemic and then the bike went away and I have not seen you since.

I'm so sorry.

I just lost interest, but now I'm back in it.

I'm ready to get crumped, cramped, clumped, and kinked.

That is right.

You want to be one of the clumps, I think you were telling me during the break.

Yes, that's my aim.

My aim is to take that to Broadway, and I want to be the clumps on Broadway.

We are going to clump you all up.

Let's go ahead and get on those bikes again.

Okay.

Let's get rid of this seat real quick.

All right, I'm ready.

Okay.

That's right.

Okay.

Do you feel that?

Ooh, clumped.

The seat?

Yeah.

Do you feel that?

Yes.

I mean, we're not going.

We're just sitting down.

You should feel that in your ass.

Do you feel that seat?

Yeah.

Do you feel those handlebars?

Yes.

I do.

I'm touching them.

Is that what you mean?

Do they feel hot?

I mean, warm.

They should feel scalding hot.

Scalding hot.

Or you are doing something wrong.

I think I'm doing something wrong because mine are lukewarm at best.

I'm sweating.

I'm sweating.

I'm good.

I love to hear that from you.

Yeah.

Wayne, you are a good time.

You and I, I can see it working out, but I should let you know, I am in a very serious relationship with my son, Braxton.

Oh, we are absolutely head over heels for each other.

Wow.

So it is very hard for me to think about having another man at home.

Is that okay?

Well, I'll get in where I fit in.

And that's just not a t-shirt.

It's a way of life.

That's right.

This is our new slogan.

I'll get in.

I'll get in where I fit in.

He's only 24 months old, but you know what he said to me the other day?

What?

He said, Mom, you miss 100 of the shots you don't take.

That is an inspiration.

Very advanced for a two-year-old.

Why do you say 24 months instead of just two?

He is 24 months and 23 days.

Oh, that's right.

And you know what he said to me the other day when I got out of bed?

What?

He said, Mom, where have you been?

Because the sun doesn't rise unless you rise with it.

Come on now, let's ride.

Hit that music.

Asses up, faces down.

Okay, face down, ass up.

Feet up by your hands.

Get those feet up high.

Feet by my hands.

We are riding.

We are riding.

Your cadence is at about 235.

Your resistance, go ahead and turn that up to 450.

That's too fast.

This is not ergonomically sound.

Are you feeling that burn?

Are you feeling that burn?

It's impossible.

Scott, I want you to yell out to me your motivation today what is your motivation i i want to do a podcast so i can complete my contract what

yeah i'm not doing it for the fun or the love like we talked about in the first segment

what are you talking you want it for the money scott is that what you're doing i'm just trying to kind of get to the 20th year and

scott look at me podcasters need to be hot now did you know that i know i know this most podcasts are on tv why are you not on tv the cozy daddy of it all ruined everything for us.

You need to get cameras in here.

We need to get you camera ready.

Get those ass up by those hands.

All right, all my asses are up by my hands.

Wayne, what is your motivation?

To be the one.

To be the one.

The one what?

I just want to be the one who lives.

I love that for you.

Like the last man on earth?

I want to be the last person standing.

I want to be so healthy that I outlast everyone.

I just want everyone gone.

I want to be the one here all by myself.

I want all extraneous noise gone.

I want to be on a bike with my hands by my feet and my ass up touching the back of my neck.

When I sneeze, I want to rest the back of my head in the clefts of my cheeks.

I love this for you.

Thank you.

You want to be like that billionaire who's going to live to 150, don't you?

I want to biohack.

I want to biohack.

We are going to biohack your ass off today.

And I'm going to tell you what my motivation is.

Can I tell you that right now?

Please.

My motivation is my fucking son.

I love my son Braxton, but you know what else it is?

What?

My health.

Alright?

I went to a gynecologist appointment the other day for a yeast infection I've had for 26 years.

Wow.

You know what she said to me when I was in there?

She said, I can't do this anymore.

I'm moving to another country.

Let's go ahead and bride.

Get those asses up.

Faces down.

Okay.

Scott, are you sweating?

One tiny bead of sweat has appeared on my forehead.

What is going on with with you?

I'd love to see it.

Go ahead, Nevada.

I think I'm severely dehydrated.

Don't you dare touch that water.

Touch them this protein.

Oh, God, this is chunky.

It's dry powder.

Go ahead and shove it on down.

All right.

And slow it down.

We are cooling off.

We are cooling off.

How are my boys doing?

How are my boys?

I feel much better since I got off my bike and I'm sharing Scott's bike with him.

Yeah, we're doing a tandem.

I love seeing you guys both on those bikes.

One pedal apiece.

When Scott got on your shoulders, Wayne, I knew my boys were doing it.

It felt good.

Yeah, we put a trench coat around her.

We went to try to buy alcohol.

You guys looked like a broken.

And then we tried to get into a movie.

You looked like a full-on adult.

Thank you.

Thank you.

You're so nice.

I'm going to let you know something super intimate right now.

What's that, Candle?

Crandle.

All of my students in that Peloton room are my boys, my sons.

I am your boy mom right now.

Do you feel that?

Yes.

Do you feel that?

I do.

That is me mothering you.

I am mother.

Say it.

You are mother.

You are mother.

Mother.

That is damn right.

Go ahead and pack one of those proteins into your ass.

Oh, jeez.

Okay.

All right.

Let me see.

Mother, mother, why are you taking your breast out?

I don't want to breastfeed tonight.

No, we are going to have some of this milk and you better shut the fuck up about it.

Clerp it on down.

That's right.

It's better than water, isn't it?

We're sharing the breasts like we shared my bike.

That's right, my little son.

Oh, this isn't what I was expecting today, but it's better than what I thought it would be.

It's making me so happy.

You know what Braxton said to me after I took him out of his bath this morning?

What?

He's 24 months and 24 days and 30 seconds old.

Wow.

You know what I said to him?

What?

I said, I said, how did you get so special?

And you know what he said to me?

What's that?

Mom, God made me this way.

And without God,

I wouldn't be here.

Wow.

It's veering into the

religious at this point.

It's very religious, very literal, very, very pointed.

Very devout.

Very devout.

How are you guys doing?

How are your asses?

They're up.

I mean, they're up.

It's about up as high as I can get.

And I've never had quite as much protein in my ass as I've had.

You're getting

598 grams of protein every meal.

Do you know how many meals you should be having?

How many?

35 meals.

Do you know what time I wake up in the morning?

I have no idea.

2 a.m.

Do you know how long my day is?

Hello.

30 seconds.

I go right back to bed.

That's a biohack.

Yeah.

That is a biohack.

What do you do in that 30 seconds?

I brush my teeth, but you know what?

What?

I don't use any toothpaste.

Okay.

Because toothpaste has chemicals, and that is not okay.

Okay.

Fluoride is bad.

Okay.

Get those asses up.

Let's get another ride on these bikes.

Wait, I...

Oh.

Okay.

Come here, Wayne.

Grab on.

Okay.

Hold on to my back.

Okay, ready?

Go.

My boys, I want you to talk to me right now.

Tell me the most motivational quote you've ever heard in your life.

And guess what?

It better involve God.

God said,

What was it?

Aim high, drink brown.

Yep.

Aim.

Aim high.

Burn bright.

Burn bright.

That's what I love to hear, Wayne.

Go ahead and hit me with a quote of your life.

God said, Is that all you got?

And I said, Yes.

That's right.

That's all you've got.

God will never let you step down.

No.

God is the ultimate boy mom.

Yeah.

And I am the world's first boy mom to ever be a Peloton instructor.

Get your ass up into the air.

Get your stomach up by your ass.

Get those cheekbones in your face.

Yep.

Near your cheekbones.

Clarify.

in your ass, okay?

Do you feel that?

Do you feel that?

I'm going to tell you what motivates me.

I'm not going to eat so much protein.

I'm going to tell you what motivates me right now.

Get your tongue out of my protein, please.

Sorry.

Sorry.

Sorry.

I was really going through it recently when I was realizing that my son was going to have to marry a woman one day.

That was really hard for me to realize.

And I really went through it mentally.

So, what did I do?

Besides working out, I went to a psychiatrist.

Oh.

That's right.

I talked through my feelings a bit.

That's mentionable.

It's manageable.

We went.

I visited them for about, I don't know, five, six sessions until I found out via letter that they killed themselves.

Go ahead and get that resistance up to 589.

Better.

Your cadence up to.

Let's consider it.

Let's tone it down on the cadence, actually.

Let's go nice and slow here.

Let's hit it with a four.

Oh, do you feel that?

Yeah, I'm barely moving.

Do you feel that, Scott?

Oh, I guess, not really.

A four is very, very low.

I'm sorry, I'm getting a text from my son, Braxton.

But he's only

right, he's only, what, two years?

He says, Mom,

you need to remember something.

Every day that we spend together is a lifetime for some people.

And hours in a day are actually moments.

And moments do not compare to

life that someone could have within the span of time.

Time is but a moment.

Remember that.

Go ahead and get those asses off.

Okay.

Okay.

Here we go.

I want you guys to look into each other's eyes.

Okay.

All right, let me turn around.

Okay.

Hey, how you doing?

How do you guys, how, what are you gonna do for each other today?

What are you gonna do that's gonna change that person's lives?

Tell me.

Uh, well, I'd Wayne, I'd love to keep in touch and

close contacts, contacts, maybe text each other more

times a day.

You need more.

With inspirational quotes.

I'm going to move in with you.

Oh, okay.

Wow, I'd love to see you.

We have space in the attic, I think.

Yeah, I'm done.

In fact, I'm going to sell everything that I own and I'm moving in with you this afternoon.

I think it's right.

That's what I do.

Everything you own here.

Everything.

Even your extensive collection of troll dolls.

All of it.

Wow.

All of it.

When I'm in, I'm in.

I love it.

How do you boys feel?

How are my boys?

I feel rejuvenated, actually.

All this protein might be going to my ass, but I just feel really intense right now.

That's right.

I bet you do.

Oh, I feel sated.

I'm very, very full.

I don't know what that means, sated.

Oh, I'm not hungry

spiritually or physically.

New York Times crossword, do you?

It comes up a lot.

I only do the mini.

Oh, okay.

How long do you take on it?

I take about 45 minutes on the mini.

But my son does the New York Times Sunday.

And you know how long it takes him?

How long?

Five seconds.

Whoa.

Now,

in real time, or are we talking in a relativistic

relativistic?

Oh, wow.

Time is but a series of moments.

What time do you get up in the morning, Wayne?

I get up around six.

That is not early enough.

I know.

You should be getting.

Sorry, mother.

That's right.

Say it again.

Sorry, mother.

That's right.

Say it again.

Sorry, mother.

That's right.

Say, I am mothering.

I am mothering.

Say, mama.

Mama.

Mama.

Mama.

Say, wham, wham, mama.

Wham, wham, wham, wham, mam, mama.

That's right, wham, wham.

Baby shit is pairs.

Baby need a change.

Baby need a change type.

Baby made a stinky.

Baby made a stinky.

I tuned.

That's what I like to hear, Scott.

You are my son.

You are my son.

Thank you, mommy.

Now, have I.

Some people pay a lot of money for this, and we get to do it right now for free.

Yeah.

Wow.

I want to let you know how many sons I have out there.

How many?

1.5 million sons

tuning in every single day.

Only one girl.

You know who that is?

Who?

My daughter.

Oh, you haven't.

You've never mentioned her.

You've never talked about her.

Her name is Paisley Ann.

She's fine.

But my son, let's go ahead and hit it.

Okay.

My son motivates me every single day.

How old is Paisley Ann?

Paisley Ann, I don't, she's a, I mean, she's five.

She's fine.

Okay.

She is.

You don't seem to care as much about her.

She's okay.

She's like, you know, she's smart and she's nice.

Okay.

There's a definite lack of enthusiasm.

I love her.

No, she's my daughter and I love her, I guess.

But

she is not like my son, Braxton.

Okay.

Go ahead.

I want you to...

Do you guys want to have sons someday?

I want to hear it from you.

Wayne, do you have a son?

Yes, I have a son.

What is your son's biggest motivation?

Mommy's boobies.

That's right.

Scott, do you want to have a son someday?

No.

What?

What are you doing?

Stop the music.

What did you just say?

I have the only child I'm going to have, and that's a daughter.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry, mommy.

Scott.

Yes.

The world is made up of boys.

I

become men.

Who become boys again?

It's about 48% of the population, I think.

True.

Sperm boys, yeah.

Yeah.

Okay.

So, what are you going to do?

I guess I'm going to get your sperm checked.

That's already happened in order to get the sperm checked again.

I'm gonna do sperm on you guys.

I'm gonna get a sperm check going on you, right?

Go ahead and hit the music.

I'm gonna get my

cast of Peloton instructors in.

Here, go ahead and get their sperm out of them right now.

We are gonna do a sperm check on both of you.

A room that we can go to?

No, there is no room.

Go ahead and get that sperm into the cup.

This is my sperm checker, Dawson.

Dawson, how are we doing?

Hi, Mommy.

Yeah, mommy.

Dawson,

I feel weird masturbating in front of all of you.

No, go ahead.

This is what we do here at Peloton.

Tom, I don't need to masturbate here.

I carry this around.

Oh, thank you so much for that.

That was in your wallet.

Huge jar, this big jar that came out of your wallet.

Thank you so much.

Dawson, go ahead and get this in the last one.

Ain't the biggest node I've ever seen.

Okay, there we go.

I love.

This is my son, Dawson.

Have you met him, Scott?

He's gonna go ahead and get to go to town on him.

Go to town on him, Dawson.

No, you're gonna extract it.

Okay,

sure.

Oh, God.

I'm gonna do it, even if you say no.

Oh, God, okay.

You see how effective he is?

I'm Dawson.

You don't need the tweezers, Dawson.

Oh, yeah, I do.

I can't find it.

I'm gonna...

Is it cool that I'm videoing this whole thing?

That's crazy.

Go ahead and put that online.

Tag us at Peloton.

We're gonna be putting that on the TikTok Army, Dawson.

I'm Dawson.

Hi, Dawson.

Dawson runs our social media, but he also extracts our sperm and also does the test, don't you, Dawson?

Do you want me to tag you?

Hey, Twitch, it's your boy Wayne.

I'm on Twitch.

Oh, God.

I'm streaming this live.

Can you believe this shit?

Look at this.

I don't think I can perform under these conditions.

Dawson, how much sperm do we have out of our friend Scott here?

Scott's getting dusty.

It's

dusty.

I might be dry.

I don't know.

No, we need to get...

You need to pump him full of something else.

I'm going to go with double time.

Dawson, double time.

Oh, God.

He's going to dawson.

Dawson, Dawson, double time.

Cadence is at 150.

That's right.

Cadence is at 150.

We're going to turn that up.

Go ahead, Dawson, turn that up to 492.

Look at that.

Look at that guy.

Wow.

Resistance at zero.

Wow, looks like we got one sperm.

Okay, is that enough, mommy?

Uh, that'll do, right, Dawson?

We can do, we can work some magic.

All it takes is one, from what I heard.

Dawson thinks one's enough

Thanks Thank you Dawson all right goodbye

Wow, how did you feel you must feel so good and relieved

I mean I definitely feel like I could use a cigarette.

Do you have anything on you?

That was quite an experience to watch.

Yes.

I feel like I witnessed something that that I've never seen before.

Yes.

This is what we do at Peloton.

Had both of you continued your training, but you guys stopped midway through the pandemic and you never came back.

Well, I'm coming back now.

Yeah, definitely.

I'm definitely on board.

All it takes is one class to get you back on board.

What happened here today?

I am on board.

We'd love to see that out of you, Scott.

Thanks for watching.

I cannot wait for you guys to have the boys.

I can't wait for you to be boy,

boy, dads.

Boy, mom, dads, boy, mom, dads.

Okay.

Boy, dad, boy, dad, moms.

Mommy.

Mommy, mommy.

Mommy.

This is incredible.

Thank you so much, Craig.

I always appreciate it.

It's an honor to be here.

Dawson, you okay?

Sperm's good.

How did you tell me?

I just checked.

How did you check?

Do you mind me asking?

You know how you saw me.

All right, all right.

Look, we have to take a break.

Understood, Scott.

Let's go ahead and get those asses up as we take our break.

All right, we're going to take a break.

Put that protein in those asses and in those front pockets.

Meet your sick.

Okay, we're going to take a break.

When we come back, we're going to have more Wayne Brady, more Krendel, and America's favorite rabbits.

This is an incredible show.

We're going to come right back with more comedy back after this.

Let's do this.

We got this.

So much protein in me.

So much protein in me.

So much protein in me.

In my dick.

In my dick.

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You know, when you think about game day,

you might not think Wayfair, right?

I mean, they're two one's two words and one's one word, first of all.

That's confusing right off the bat.

And then they're totally different

letters, although the A's, there still are two A's, but the G and the M, those aren't in Wayfair, and the W and the

Y is in both.

I mean, this is pretty similar, actually.

Game day, Wayfair.

I mean, you might think about it, but one reason you should is because Wayfair, right?

Wayfair is the best kept secret for incredible and affordable game day finds, whether you're upgrading your tailgate with coolers that stay cold or patio heaters that stay hot.

Cold things should stay cold and hot things should stay hot, right?

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And the best part, Wayfair offers free and easy delivery even on the big stuff.

And when you're talking big stuff, here's what I ordered from Wayfair the other day.

I mean, when I say I, I mean Kulop.

Kulop ordered a bunch of holiday stuff.

She ordered a giant skeleton for Halloween,

a rabbit sitting with a ladybug.

I guess that's year-round.

That can just stay out there forever.

So, yeah.

So, Wayfair's not only got stuff for game day, but also has a bunch of holiday stuff that my wife likes.

In any case, Wayfair is your trusted destination for all things game day, from coolers and grills to recliners and slow cookers.

Shop, save, and score goal today at Wayfair.com.

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Comedy Bang Bang, we are back.

We have Wayne Brady.

The podcast is What If with Jonathan Mangum?

Yeah.

Am I pronouncing that correctly?

Mangum?

Mangum.

Yeah.

Because it looks like Magnum, which of course is

both a gun and a condom.

Right.

And he is neither one of those.

He is not a condom.

We should make that very clear for our listeners.

And it's so weird.

How many times I have to clarify that when we do the podcast?

Yeah.

I have to let people know.

I know you came in here expecting to hear a podcast hosted.

co-hosted at least by a condom.

Right.

You know?

But he is a man.

Yep.

He's a human.

He's a human.

Who, by the way, has never used condoms.

Never.

So many children.

Yep.

So many children.

So many diseases.

Yep.

He has a child for every disease.

Does he not?

He brags about that.

Yeah.

And

he names them according to the disease.

The disease that he because he thinks it's cute.

Yeah.

So his daughter, Chlamydia, by the way, is gorgeous.

Yeah, little Gus Gonorrhea

because he tries to make it sound cutesy to take away the stigma.

Sure.

Yeah, but he's a really good guy when he isn't.

Great guy.

Passing on.

Love sex.

He loves sex so much which is kind of our bond yeah yeah you bought it because you love sex he loves sex not not necessarily with each other but uh you know not necessarily with over 30 years of friendship you're bound to something's got to happen once yeah exactly it's got to happen once i can't tell i can't tell you when it did but it did was it yesterday oh you got me definitely happened yesterday uh we also have crendle here the peloton how my boys doing i did you guys just made you these big steak smoothies for you to get some packed this is protein packed smoothies straight into those asses speaking of drinking brown this steak smoothie wow this is so good thanks mommy absolutely how are we doing I see you're stretching each other this is so good to see yeah we've been stretching each other out during the entire break that's what I love to see I love to see how loose you're getting yeah we're so limber now that I feel do you feel crunched and crammed and crackled up I feel clumped definitely clumped I'm I'm in a split right now and I haven't been able to do a full split

since I was six.

You've done like quarter splits and third splits, half splits, jazz splits, but not a full split.

That's right.

Mama Kendall absolutely rammed you up, didn't she?

Your name's Krendel, by the way.

That's what I said, didn't I?

So, Mama Krendel really rammed you up, didn't she?

She absolutely raw dogged you both.

You are so aggressive, and I love that.

Yeah, I love that, and I love seeing my boys learn and grow and just become closer.

Thank you so much.

I feel so close to you.

I feel close to you, mommy, but we do have to get to our next guest.

Okay, that's fine so long as it's another boy.

I believe it.

Well, I don't, I think a male.

Well, what does he identify as?

I don't want to just label someone.

That's a good question.

I haven't, you know, as a big fan of this person, or not person.

I beg your pardon.

You are America's favorite rabbit.

I feel like I'm both misgendering you and misspeciesing you.

But I believe that a rabbit can be a person of that species.

Oh, that's a good way to put it.

Yeah.

So the person of rabbits is

a rabbit.

Let's introduce him or her or them.

This is America's favorite rabbit.

Please welcome Bugs Bunny.

Yeah, what's up, Scott?

How are we doing today?

Doing great.

Wow.

I see him.

I'm shining threshold lady.

Then she, huh?

Okay.

It's such a pleasure to meet you.

A real treat to be here.

Welcome to the One Timers Club.

And let's hope that I stay there.

Yep.

This is Rain.

Hey, we're a pleasure to meet you.

Nice to meet you, too.

Crendle.

Crandle?

Hi.

Would you like one of these steaks to chew on instead of that nasty carrot?

I'm going to stick with my carrot, sweetheart.

It's such a pleasure to meet you.

We all, of course, know you from the Looney Tunes Universe.

You're a bit of an entertainer.

Space Jam.

Space Jam, yes, right?

Sure.

Space Jam 2.

I'm a bit, you know, I'm making people laugh.

I'm being mischievous.

I'm being a bit naughty.

Mm-hmm.

Yeah.

Were you always like that, or is that a character?

Ever since I can remember, I've been doing little jokes and jumping out of holes.

It did develop over time.

I had to find my voice.

Uh-huh.

Yeah.

I mean, what were you like as

a baby, a child?

I was burrowing with all my other shiblings.

Sure.

How many siblings do you have?

Shivandeen.

Did you say 17 or 17?

17.

Chevinine?

Chevin.

Chevonine.

Chevonine.

I think it's open for interpretation.

Cheventeen scandal.

Cheventeen skash.

It's 17.

Can I get deep four seconds, Scash?

Yeah, please.

Because something that I've always,

the reason that rabbits, I have a problem with rabbits, and I'm really trying to get over that right now.

Okay.

Because I don't want to be disrespectful to you, bugs.

Yeah.

Is I read Watership Down.

Yeah.

All right.

And rabbits are violent.

And so I just want to know.

It's a cold, cold world out here, Wayne.

It's a cold.

have you ever participated in in in the killing of other rabbits like the rabbits in watership down well i'm not familiar with the text material watership down it's about a whole bunch of rabbits that fucked each other up did you know would you like to read the clip notes i have it right here yeah if you could give it to me there you go

you are so fast reader

speed reader yeah i can't you know if you just look at the words in the middle you'll figure out which on the outshine oh context yes it's all about context i've killed a couple rabbits in my younger days it's what you got to do to survive in the hutch.

Boys will be boys, as I like to say.

Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes.

I wish I could turn your opinion on rabbits, though.

You're acting like a maroon.

That's why you don't like

rabbits.

Is that right, Wayne?

Because you read Watership 2.

Yeah, the book freaked me out.

Couldn't help but notice you were unable to answer the question, who's your favorite rabbit?

Well, I mean,

I don't have a favorite rabbit right now.

Yeah.

Right now.

That may change.

Right now, but I'm leaning towards you.

You used to be.

I'm I'm just saying that.

No, no, it's not true.

I'm in a womb right now.

I used to love rabbits.

I loved all of your early work

until I took a course in African-American studies and I realized how racist a lot of the early Looney Tunes cartoons were.

And you participated in it.

I got nothing to do with that.

So you had a tacit sort of...

I was just working in the union.

And I was doing what I was told.

Every single time that a cigar would explode and you sang mammy, I was offended.

Shyry about that.

I'd like to formally apologize.

She feels like the only way through.

Well, let's hug.

Wow.

Look at my boys hugging.

Thank you.

Look at them.

That's real.

Oh, my God.

This feels.

I'm going to tell you something right now.

My favorite bunny is the Energizer Bunny.

The way that he go, go, goes.

You know what that means.

What?

That means war.

Okay.

If you like the Energizer bunny, bunny, then you're not afraid of mine.

Whoa.

Wow, I like the Easter bunny.

Well, of course, Easter was yesterday.

That means war.

Sorry, sorry.

If I'm not America's favorite rabbit, I'm out.

I'm walking.

Look at the glint in his eye.

Yeah.

What are you going to do to us?

You're not going to make us.

I'll shoot you with a really big gun.

Whoa, look at that big gun he has.

A gun that shies with three men.

It's so long.

That's huge.

Wayne, your gat can't compare to this.

No,

I've put Bessie away.

She has no business in this room right now.

The end of the musket, the bell's bigger than a shooza phone.

So which season is it?

Right now, it's funny Shiza.

Oh, okay.

It's funny Shizha, which is actually why I'm here, Scott.

I need your help.

I feel, by the way, you're changing your R's to W's like Elmer Fudd did and Bugs did.

No, I just didn't take my Zyrtec today.

Oh, okay.

If I sound a little weird, it's because I didn't take my Zurtech.

Okay, you got to take your Zyrtec.

I know this is

an early morning podcast.

I forgot it.

Forgot about it.

Hey.

Hey.

Bada bing.

Bada boom.

But I need your help, Scott.

What's going on, Sherry?

What's going on, Bugs?

Is it confusing your name is Bugs and you're a rabbit?

Not for me.

Oh, okay.

You know, I'm just so used to it.

Maybe for other people, was it confusing for you?

Well, I thought I was introducing a bunch of bugs and then it turned out to be you.

Thank God I look like a rabbit.

Yep, that's true.

You're not a bunch of bugs that have assembled and formed themselves into a situation.

I'm a before Christmas villain situation.

I don't have a shipper that you can unship, and then I'm just a bunch of bugs.

Okay, just wanted to make that clear.

Yeah.

All right, what's going on, Bugs?

I'm in a lot of trouble, you see.

Oh,

I'm currently being taken advantage of by a very powerful, powerful man.

Oh.

And he's threatening my friend, Scott.

Oh, no.

And I said to him, I said to him, You leave my friends alone.

He said, that's not good enough for me.

And I said, I want to challenge you to a sketch competition.

A sketch competition.

And so I found myself in this competition, Scott, and I need some some help from you.

I need some of the best.

Are you talking about drawing or?

Yeah.

No, sketch comedy.

Sketch comedy.

Okay.

Like you're writing a sketch.

Yes, yes, yes.

All my friends are in danger.

But if we win a sketch competition, he's going to let them go.

Okay.

I trafficked in sketch comedy occasionally.

This is why I can do that.

Yeah, I can do this, right?

And Wayne, you're one of the best at.

I didn't even know you was going to be here, Wayne.

No, but this is great.

And if we could help my new friend that I no longer fear, then I would love to.

Sure, yeah.

And I also write sketches for the Peloton Instagram.

Sure.

Okay.

Well,

you have a third one.

There's no bad ideas in a room, right?

That's right.

So who's threatening you?

Who's the powerful guy?

His name's Mr.

Schmack Mallett.

No.

And he runs an amusement park.

Okay.

That is a silly name.

It is.

It's a sketch jam.

It's a sketch jam.

Well, what he wants,

he wants to try and take all my friends, and if we lose, we got to work in his amusement park forever.

Well, you know, and we got to do the sketch show that we wrote.

Like five times a day?

Wayne did this.

Five times a day.

Yeah, six days a week.

You get meals?

That's what happens at Peloton.

We're all stuck there.

Oh, really?

So, oh, okay.

He can't leave, huh?

You're like indentured servants?

Yeah, exactly.

Oh, my God.

We work for Mr.

Peloton.

Really fun.

Maybe we can write something about that.

I don't know.

Hilarious.

Did you give birth there because they wouldn't let you out?

Let me tell you something right now.

I gave birth on the bike.

That is right.

I gave birth while I was riding.

Push it.

What?

Right.

I said you gave the birth ride now.

This is exactly the position I was in.

Three.

Woof.

Woof.

Yeah.

He was out of me just like that fell on the floor.

I cut that umbilical gourd with my teeth.

Now I'm dressed up as a nurse and I'm delivering the baby.

Should we ride towards that hole in the cliff over there?

No, don't, don't.

Well, you can, as long as you don't look down.

Here's the thing, though.

All right.

We're up against some really, really tough competition, Scott.

Okay.

You see, the thing is, Mr.

Schmack Mallet, he possessed a bunch of the best comedy shoals and put them for his team.

The shoals?

Your shoals.

Like muscle shoals?

No, his shoals.

Like, what makes you tick?

Oh, the thing that weighs.

The shinga.

Oh, your soul.

Your shoals.

Right.

Got it.

Got it.

Not the chings on your feet.

Chings?

What?

I have my allergies.

You can take your Zyrtec next time you're on the ship.

That's so irresponsible to come without his Zyrtec.

I mean, it's an emergency.

My whole, my whole, all my friends are at stake.

Let me know.

My whole world's at stake, Scott.

You have to understand the people that we're going against is some of the best in comedy, which is why I had to go show them the best in comedy.

Mr.

Schmack Mallet?

Yeah.

He's got Tom Lennon.

No.

He's got Tom Lennon.

Tom?

How'd he get Tom Lennon on his side?

Tom was on the first episode of this show.

He just shucked his Essence.

He didn't even ask for consent.

He just shook Tom's Essence.

Oh, he shucked Tess.

He shucked Tom's shoes.

He just

shucked Tom's show out his essence.

Which hole?

Shoot him out.

Through the hole.

Oh, okay.

Out of the butt through the hole.

Out the butt and through the mouth.

That's what he ride.

Who else does Mr.

Smack Mouth do?

The police don't destroy boys.

No.

Three of them.

How are we going to beat some of the

guys right now?

Those are my boys.

Those are my sons, those boys.

They're so cute.

I don't know how we're going to beat them.

Who else?

Keenan Thompson.

Keenan, not Keenan.

So many boys.

Keenan Thompson.

And then they got the piece of resistance to tie it all together.

Who's that?

David Cross.

David, my old compadre and Mr.

Show.

David Cross.

I'm sorry to tell you, Scott.

Pun intended.

He's crossed you.

Oh, a pun also intended.

To break the noose to you, Scott, but even your friend is your foe.

Oh, no.

How are we going to go?

I mean, I have Wayne Brady.

That's.

And I guess Krendel.

That's a good one.

Well, we got all the live patch, too.

We got access to all the Looney Tunes, too.

Okay, so who do you got?

Daffy?

We got Daffy.

We got Tweety.

We got Mr.

Toots.

Wayne.

We got Holy Bird.

Hold on, back up.

Mr.

Toots.

What?

Mr.

Toots.

I know Mr.

Toots.

Mr.

Toots is part of...

Do you know Mr.

Toots?

He's part of Kushtopia.

Yeah, that's the world that I'm trying to shave.

You're trying to save Kushtopia?

Absolutely.

That's where all the Looney Tunes live.

We live in the core of Kushtopia.

Sorry, Wayne.

Do you know what Kushtopia is?

No.

It's crazy.

You don't know Kushtopia?

So what's Kushtopia?

It's one of the the richest worlds.

It's one of the richest environments you could ever be a part of.

This is why you need a son to watch Kushtopia with.

Kushtopia is an alternate universe that's made entirely of weed.

Mostly.

Kushtopia?

Mostly, everything's made of ganja.

There's a train, I believe.

Yes, there's a train that goes around.

Some of it's metal, some of it's made of nugs.

It's an alternate universe.

You have to understand.

65 million years ago, a comet hit Earth.

It split Earth into two Earthshirt and Earth 2.

Earth 2, Kushtopia.

Oh.

You can't believe you don't know this.

You know what?

I do.

I didn't know that it was Kushtopia, but I remember as a kid reading my favorite comic book, which was about this kid, an alien, crashed to Earth.

He was discovered in a field, and it turned out to be Snoop Dogg.

And he came to the shop.

That was your favorite comic when you were a kid?

Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah.

My favorite comic was about Snoop

crashing to Earth, and he got his powers under this yellow shooting.

Snoop Dogg's got his hands and everything.

So he's from Kushtopia.

Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes.

Did Snoop come over here from Kushtopia?

I'm sure Schnoop took a portal.

A guy that can smoke that much weight, he's probably got Kushtopian blood.

He has powers.

Problem.

Yeah, okay.

Kushtopian.

You'll have to forgive me, Bugs, but I'm not a huge fan of Kushtopia.

What do you mean?

I just, there's been several guests on this show over the years.

A bunch of nice guys, I'm sure.

I don't know.

Who's the motor?

The motorcycle?

Body motorcycle?

Body motorcycle.

The guy who always forgets his motherfucking guns.

Yeah, exactly.

Yeah.

He's available.

He could do the sketch show.

Imagine having a transforming man/slash motorcycle available for your sketch show.

I just, I don't know that it's something that I'm incredibly interested in.

It sounds hilarious.

Oh, so you're not interested in saving an entire planet, Scott?

I'm looking up on Reddit, and one of the comments that comes up,

Scott's exasperation about Gustopia.

Oh, have people picked up on this?

It's so fucking funny.

Someone says Scott's exasperation about Kushtopia is so fucking funny.

That is hilarious.

The fact that they,

that it, Scott's default persona, he hates Kushtopia.

I know.

Listen to that, Scott.

Let that fill you up.

Do you hate it?

Well, here's the problem.

I have guests on this show.

Right.

And ostensibly, they're talking about something else, and then they slip in references to Kushtopia, something that I'm just not, I have no personal affinity for.

Well, there's people that live there.

There's real hot.

Don't you want to shave the looney Tunes?

But we don't know.

What don't you know?

What don't you know?

But I think that empathy can stretch only so far.

We don't know people in Kushtopia.

Shkott Dash, though.

I know a motorcycle.

Motorcycle who?

Motorcycle Marty.

Mr.

Toots.

Who else?

The Executioner.

Cooter the Supercomputer.

We could retcon that the Green Ranger.

I did the, I mean, a person did the first episode.

Could be from Kushtopia.

Okay.

It's a rich world that needs shaving.

Half of my boys on Peloton are in Kushtopia working their asses up.

Do you guys want to save Kushtopia?

Yes.

Do we need to go to Kushtopia?

Not at all.

We just got to write some sketches, cash the sketches, and then we'll go to do the sketch show.

And if we win, Kushtopia's shave.

When is the sketch show that we're supposed to do?

Tomorrow.

Tomorrow.

Tomorrow.

We got a crunch.

It took me a long time.

We need to cram.

We need the clumps.

We need the clumps, and we need a writing session right now.

That's right.

We need to get rammed.

I got some ideas.

I got shimmer ideas.

Okay.

Let's use the title of Wayne's podcast, What If?

What If?

And that's a good way to write sketches because if you got an idea, you say, what if, if this is true, what if, what if, yeah, exactly.

What else?

What if?

Who done it?

Right.

Exactly.

Who done it?

Who done it?

Who did it?

How's it going?

Who done it?

Who did it?

What if?

Where at.

These are all the improv questions.

What'd they have for dinner?

When they happen.

Okay.

Anything can happen.

Okay.

So what if

the bride of Frankenstein?

she's she's hot and patty lapone is playing her right right uh so

and and what if uh uh uh she goes to kushtopia right right

and and she has a really hot son okay a really super hot son yeah who is she's she's jealous of him

right in on the book okay yeah

my son is

yeah

she's shash legs scott do you think we should maybe get zach alphanakish do you think you could put a call out for zach i i i don't like to bother him too much let's go ahead ahead and call Zach right now.

Get that phone out and let's dial that number.

I guess I could.

Maybe Jack's got a couple of pitches or he's got a character he could play or something like that.

Go ahead.

Let's pitch it to him.

Let's see what he says.

Let me see if I can find his

info here.

Just pull him up, Scott.

You're old friend.

Come on, Scott.

Go to his Facebook Marketplace account that you communicate with him through.

All right, let me try to call and see what happens here.

See if he picks up.

Call failed.

That's how quickly.

That's how quickly he presses no.

Scott, let's try another celebrity.

Hey, that's convincing.

Look, I want to

go.

Let's try Rob Hubel.

Hubel, the other guy who's in the first episode of the show?

Rob, yes.

Why not Rob?

Scott, let's give Rob a call.

You want me to call Rob Hubel?

Rob, he's got the human giant juice behind him.

He's got to pick up.

He's got to pick up anyway.

He's got to pick up for you.

Because I'm sure he's not doing anything this morning.

No, it's only 9.55.

He's just getting his day started.

Let's call Rob Hubel.

Rob, please.

He's got to have an original screen.

Call failed again.

What's that?

Scott!

Well, you got to work on your friendship, Scott.

This is how much juice I am in Hollywood.

What is going on?

People I've known for decades will not pick up the phone for you.

And I came here because I said, Scott's got to juice.

Here's your 40.

Thank you so much.

I am worried.

He's good.

I am worried about my

protein.

I'm worried about my son.

He needs to have friends.

We need to find you another friend, Scott.

Who else can we call?

Tim Baltz, maybe?

Yeah, let's give Tim Baltz.

Tim Baltz from the Righteous Gemstones?

He's not as big of a name, but maybe he will pick up for that reason.

He's got a lot of funny joke.

He's got so much juice.

So much industry juice.

Let's see if Tim Baltz will pick up.

Call failed.

Oh, my God.

Maybe it's a problem with the phone or something.

Maybe a shim cash now.

Is he seeing the correct phone right now?

Well, I'm calling through the computer.

You need to be calling on your actual phone.

We need to give him a ring.

And Scott, if we could get an original Alicia Gilroy character in his show, I think it'd be really that would make the fans happy, I'm sure.

But uh, absolutely, but I hate women.

All right, let's see.

I'm just so happy.

None of these calls are going through.

Let's see, let's see if Tim Baltz picks up.

She's killing me.

Hello, hi, Tim.

Yeah, yeah, this is uh Scott Ackerman from Comedy Bang Bang.

Yeah, why are you bothering me?

Why am I bothering you?

We're friends, aren't we?

Yeah, but you've never called me.

Well,

you're on the air right now.

Is that okay?

Oh, God.

I'm here with Bugs Bunny and Wayne Brady and Crendle, who's a Peloton instructor.

How are you doing, Tim?

I haven't seen you in a bit on that bike.

Yeah, what's up, Tim?

Yeah.

And we're doing a big sketch competition tomorrow.

And we could, I know you've done some sketch, haven't you?

I know you're an improv guy.

Ask him if he can take his wigs out of retirement.

Yeah, can you take your wigs out of retirement for us?

Yeah, sure.

I mean, I'll do whatever it takes.

You know me.

I'm a slut.

You are a comedy slut, aren't you?

Yeah, 100%.

I've been seeing you on that righteous gemstone, you're doing pole dancing, and it just seems like you're a slut for comedy, and you'll do anything for for a laugh

of course i mean i get paid and people laughing at me

this doesn't pay yeah you get paid an exposure

i guess

people exposing themselves to me yeah um is that cool can we count on you

yeah 100 i got a ton of wigs i'll i'll bring them you know just telling me shaving a whole bunch

you're saving the world of kushtopia and by the way you we're only asking you to do it because Zach Aliphanakis wouldn't pick up.

I should be so lucky.

But hopefully most of your roles that will come around is because Zach won't pick up.

That would elevate me big time.

All right, thanks.

We can count on you.

I appreciate it, buddy.

You got us.

Anything you want to say to the comedy bang bang listeners?

Yeah, tweet at Scott.

Tell him to call me as a friend sometimes.

Nope.

All right.

Talk to you later.

Bye.

Schmooches, Tim.

Hey, Scott, thanks for extending your show.

Wow.

I'll do one call to a famous person, and Tim is about the most famous person.

I think Tim's going to really tip the tides.

Tim's really good.

He's having a really good moment right now.

He's really moment.

He's really, really funny.

And I also saw him on another TV show where he's playing a completely

different character on Deliboys.

He killed it.

That's right.

Yeah.

I know someone else who was on Deliboys and had one scene.

Yeah, I think I know who you're talking about, Scott.

She had about one to two lines, and she served a big platter of cocaine.

Is that who we're talking about?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

You saw her.

Right.

In Hollywood, there's no small pots.

No, that's right.

There's only small people, and she is small, Scott.

She's just so tiny.

Not like you, Krendel.

No, I'm.

How tall are you?

I'm about 6'9, Scott.

And that's before I put on my heels, which I wear when I'm on the bike.

That's right.

Hello, nice.

Mommy.

So, Bugs, did we

solve your problem?

I know this isn't happening until tomorrow, but.

Well, I think we could probably maybe maybe brainstorm Shamar's sketches, right?

Okay.

I got a couple.

I got a couple.

What do you got?

Night Lotus.

K-N-I-G-H-T.

Like the Dark Knight.

Yeah, it's like White Lotus.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, she's not like that at all.

Batman's in the WP universe!

K-N-I-G-T.

K-N-I-G-H-T.

Okay, Night Lotus.

Night Lotus.

And is Night Lotus a superhero?

No, it's like the White Lotus, but it's in a medieval times.

Oh, Night Lotus.

And it takes place in a castle?

Maybe, yes.

This is what the room's for.

We're brainstorming.

It takes place in a castle.

Nice.

And then a family arrives for a vacation.

You're doing the work.

And they're beheaded.

And it's a blackout sketch.

What if the whole show's quick blackout sketches?

That's it.

I love that.

That's great.

What if Merlin's involved and he shows his penis when his bathrobe opens up?

Blackout.

Boom.

Don't even need to explain in human care.

Oh, that's really funny, Scott.

Yeah.

Devil's in the details.

Merlin and Arthur, they kiss.

Yeah.

And blackout.

Blackout.

Okay, I've got one.

Yes.

They go ahead and make a big-ass smoothie together and they drink the smoothie.

Blackout.

Great.

Blackout.

Hilarious.

I'm putting it on Palette.

That's really funny.

She's coming together real nice.

She's just good, right?

I've been writing the real nice, right?

Oh, wait.

Did you get

a huge typewriter right now?

That's going to take forever.

She's literally only writing about one word on each.

By the way, just listen to the podcast later.

Let me read it back.

Okay.

Bugs, bugs, bugs, bugs, bugs, bugs, bugs, bugs, bugs.

so many pieces of paper for for that hey you got to keep the ideas flowing it's true yes and yeah

this is good this is good do you have any other sketch ideas i got a ton okay what about some parody songs oh that's is that oh let's talk philosophy for a second okay is a parody a sketch

Is a parody song a sketch?

Is a parody song a sketch?

I mean, Wayne, you do a lot of parody songs.

I think a parody song can be...

A parody song can just be a song, but a parody song can be a sketch if it's built out.

If there's a world visually around the song, then it's a sketch.

So there's got to be a lot of visual elements.

Maybe there's just one of those like a digital short.

Oh, okay.

You shoot it off location and show it on today.

You know, the Police Don't Destroy Boys are going to be doing this.

And that's why we got to compete with them.

We got to compete against them.

We got to compete with them.

We got to let them know you can't just get there.

Oh, no, they can't beat us on the song.

Oh, no, no, no.

We got Wayne Brady in it.

We got him.

What about a parody for the audio slave song Like a Stone called like a stove?

Oh, like a stove.

It doesn't

like a stove.

Necessarily.

Like a stove.

And I don't know.

What's the melody to that song?

It's like, in your house, shine long

to be.

Bitch in the room.

I'm trying to play the video, but we got to sit through an ad first.

What is this?

This is on the Peloton track right here.

You don't have an ad box in there.

This is on, Files.

This is some stuff.

I've been on a bike.

Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh,

you.

And you're in the creative space.

Yep, and I love this.

I'm ready.

I'm ready.

This has subtitles.

It says Crew Speaks.

Okay, you're ready.

Whoa.

All right, Wayne.

What would you do on top of this?

It's about a stove?

Yeah.

Yeah.

It's like a stove.

Like a stove.

So it's not actually the stove.

It's not actually a stove, but it's akin to it.

It's actually good.

You don't know the melody.

Yeah.

So these undistinguishable lyrics, what would you change to make it like a stove?

First I'd make it English.

Right.

But

in the

place in which I would cook my food

if I don't cook it the pork all the way through trichognosis, it might be dubbed because this is like a stove.

Like a stove,

a source

of heat.

You might cause it to explode.

Like a preheat.

Like a stove.

Like a stove, you've got a hole.

It's like a preheat.

Your bedroom, your stuff.

Doom, doom, digger, digum.

This is, and then I can do a guitar show, though, because I can't play guitar.

Oh,

you should have fled with that.

Your desk board was sith right now.

Hey, good note.

Or Thurman.

So I'd work on that.

Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah.

I'll do an actual guitar dish tank.

Well, Bucks,

hopefully, this is helpful to you.

We're going to definitely be there.

What time tomorrow?

4.20.

4 a.m.

Okay.

4.20 a.m.

4.20 a.m.

You usually have Peloton at 4.20 a.m., Scott.

Making a note.

4:20.

What are you going to do?

Because I've got to get up and dunk my face in ice.

And we're going to drink those water bottles that are all blue.

You need to get your asshole in the sky.

Glass water bottles?

Yes.

Because that's the thing.

You eat a banana and tape it.

It's really important.

You've got to do that.

Put your feet in the grass.

Go ahead and touch grass for me.

Oh, okay.

There you go.

I brought my own.

I think there's one Shing Michigan.

Dystopia.

There might be one Shing Mishing in our sketch comedy show.

What's that?

We don't have a commercial parody.

Easy.

Don't you feel like that should be an element in our sketch show?

I don't know that we have time

at this point.

Yeah, you're right.

You're right.

It's too much.

It's the show.

It's so much good stuff.

But I do think this lineup, we're going to shave Kushtopia, Scott.

Mr.

Tucci's going to live another day.

I don't care.

Okay.

But yet you're still participating.

Out of professional courtesy to you, my current guest, I will participate in this sketch fest.

Reddit just said in real time, wow, Scott really does hate this.

Not a fan, um, but uh, you know what I am a fan of

all of our guests here.

We are running out of time, we just have time for one final feature, and that is, of course, a little something called plugs.

Hey,

Whoa, that was wonderful.

That was Plugs Off the Bob by Rob Collins.

Thanks to Rob.

If you have a plugs theme, head over to cbbworld.com/slash plugs and you could be famous for a week.

And Rob, you are famous this week.

Enjoy while it lasts.

Yes, Rob.

What are we plugging?

Wayne, obviously, the podcast is What If?

Yes, the podcast is What If on the Head Gum Network.

It's myself and Jonathan Mangum.

Do we're not a condom?

He is not a condom, but he is stretchable and see-through, and he fits like a glove.

Yes.

Man, I hope he's listening.

So that's what I'm plugging.

And the 17th season of

Let's Make a Deal.

Yeah, that's incredible.

Is it 17 years?

So it's not like Survivor that does two seasons.

Right.

So it is 17.

Maybe it's 16 and a half years, but it's 17 seasons.

What an achievement.

The latest season of Whose Land Is It Anywhere on the CW?

You can catch it.

If you're at USC, go to your

student at USC and you're in my class.

I'm not even gonna kill chickens.

Learn how to kill chickens with mime.

With mime?

Oh, wow.

Space work.

You could kill people with space work.

Incredible.

It's amazing.

Crandle, what are you plugging here?

Go ahead and hit me with the music, Scott.

Get those asses up.

Get on those bikes.

I'm going to go ahead and plug some of my most favorite podcasts out there over on CBBWorld.com.

Facebook changed my life.

Hey, Randy, going deep.

Also, check out Deli Boys, that woman who serves that big old platter of cocaine.

Is looking awesome.

What are those two lines?

Do you remember it?

Yes.

No, I do not remember at all.

If you're a real actor, you would remember your line

months after you.

And I didn't even play the part, Scott, but I loved her performance.

Also, check out St.

Dennis Medical,

that same person

whose Instagram I love at

Y-I-L.

Why?

Scott, it's not confusing.

It makes perfect sense.

Got it.

Locked in.

All right.

And

my son, Braxton.

Shout out, Braxton.

Yeah.

Well, of course, you can come sheet a sketch show on 421 and Kushtopia at Kush Shibi, the Kushrite

industry.

It's not happening.

No, there's not a CBB presents of Kushopia.

The show will be live taped and promoted and on Comedy Bang Bang World for everybody to listen to.

Live sketch, it's audio now.

Okay.

Thanks for the opportunity, Scott.

I think it's going to have a wonderful home here on Comedy Bang Bang.

I don't think so.

I want to look speaking of Comedy Bang Bang World.

You can go head over there for our entire archive.

Every episode ad-free, every live episode we've ever done, all 900 and whatever episodes of this show, plus the aforementioned shows that we've been talking about.

CBB Presents, Scott Hasn't Seen, so many shows over there.

And someone wrote to us the other day and said, hey, you've never talked about how cheap it is.

I've just not got it because I figured it was so expensive.

And it's only $8 a month for everything and only $80 a year.

No, I'm going to subscribe.

Yeah, please.

I'll give you a code.

No, I want to, no, I want a support.

All right.

I don't want to end up drinking those 40s.

That's why.

I'm here for you, Scott.

I appreciate it.

I love to see this support between my boys.

I love to support my roommate.

You know, my new roommate.

That's right.

Yeah.

I got to clean out the garage for you.

Don't even bother.

Oh, really?

Don't even bother.

Okay, for sure.

I love Phil.

You can just lie across the motorcycle that's in there.

Also, The Astonishing Spider-Man.

I'm still writing Spider-Man for Marvel.

You can get that on.

Wait a minute.

What?

The comic book, yes.

No.

I know.

We'll even have a, okay.

I love you officially even more.

Oh, thank you.

I'm a huge comic fan.

Oh, wow.

All I ever wanted to do as a kid at first, I just wanted to write.

Oh.

And I got a chance.

Once I wrote a Marvel,

a Spider-Man annual.

Jonathan and I wrote a story.

You wrote one together?

So that's my whole thing: I just want to write comic in sci-fi.

So you are my new hero.

Okay, well,

I have a contact for you over there if you want to continue reading rocks.

For the listener, Wayne is currently holding Scott in his arms like a baby.

Oh, he's thrown open his shirt.

Let me bring you a Spider-Man costume underneath.

And here's my booby.

Oh,

hello, Nash.

All right, let's close with the old plug back.

Why do

farts are the funniest things?

Farts are so funny.

That was 2001, A Space Opening by Thomas Hand.

Thank you so much.

And guys, I want to thank you so much.

Wayne, pleasure to meet you.

Pleasure to have you on the show.

Loved having you.

And Krendel,

so good to see you.

I feel similar about you.

My son.

And Bugs, I'll see you tomorrow, 428.

Was she at rehearsal?

Yeah, we're for the rehearsal, too.

Yeah.

Oh, yeah.

You got shit's rehearsal.

And for this reason, I'm out.

No.

I'm so sorry.

We'll see you next time.

Thanks.

Okay, Dawson.

Let's go.

Get that cum out of those guys.

It comes to Dan Dawson.

Yes.

Yeah.

I got one more drop.

Woo!

Woo!

Way to go, Scott.

Please don't sue us, Peloton.

I'm talking about sex.

All your products.

Are you ready to get spicy?

These Doritos Golden Sriracha aren't that spicy.

Maybe it's time to turn up the heat.

Or turn it down.

It's time for something that's not too spicy.

Try Dorito's Golden Sriracha.

Spicy, but not too spicy.

Hey, everybody, it's Paul Scheer, host of How Did This Get Made, a podcast that covers the best, worst movies.

This week, we're diving into the brand new War of the Worlds reboot, starring Ice Cube.

Yes, the movie that got 2% on Rotten Tomatoes.

Ice Cube is saving the world from aliens via his computer.

It's so...

convoluted this plot but basically if you have an amazon account you can save the day just like ice cube there is so much going on in this movie so join me june diane rayphill and Jason Manzukis, as we break down every bizarre choice and every Ice Cube one-liner on this week's episode of How Did This Get Made?

The podcast that makes sense of movies that don't.