Bonus Bang: Sean Clements, Hayes Davenport, Lauren Lapkus, Paul F. Tompkins, Shaun Diston, Zeke Nicholson, Ego Nwodim, Madeline Walter (The 9th Anniversary Show!)

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Speaker 7 Hey, everyone.

Speaker 7 Happy Thursday and welcome to another bonus bang. This is Scott Ockerman, and we have a very special series of bonus bangs.

Speaker 7 Bonus bangs being, of course, previously recorded episodes of Comedy Bang Bang that we're bringing up from behind the paywall.

Speaker 7 And this is a very special series in honor of Comedy Bang Bang's upcoming 16th anniversary at the beginning of May.

Speaker 7 We're starting a brand new series featuring, yeah, you guessed it, classic anniversary episodes.

Speaker 7 For the next three weeks of these bonus bangs, you will hear myself and a rotating cast of some of our beloved guests as we celebrate Comedy Bang Bang growing progressively older in age.

Speaker 7 I get younger one year. I'll leave you to decide which year I got a little bit younger, but

Speaker 7 that's up to you.

Speaker 7 Today, we're re-releasing episode number 543

Speaker 7 entitled The Ninth Anniversary Show. It originally aired on April 30th, 2018, and it features an all-star cast.
We have Sean Clements and Hayes Davenport. Those men, as you know them.

Speaker 7 Paul F. Tompkins as Emily Grandchildren.
Lauren Lapkus as Dirk Thirsty. Sean Diston as Rudy North.
Zeke Nicholson as Kiwi Chris. Egga Wodom as Andre P.
Newer. And Madeleine Walter as Charles Manson.

Speaker 7 So this is a great episode. We have a professional employee, an adventurer, a developer of new ideas.
They're all here to celebrate the show's ninth year.

Speaker 7 And this is a very funny one.

Speaker 7 So, if you want to get more of your Comedy Bang Bang fix, you can hear our entire archive as well as every live episode we've ever done on cbbworld.com, where subscribers get full access, as well as other amazing shows.

Speaker 7 We have, like, Scott hasn't seen and hey, Randy. We're going to be right back on Monday with a brand new episode of Comedy Bang Bang.
Until then, enjoy this bonus bang.

Speaker 7 Spink,

Speaker 7 Sammy,

Speaker 7 and

Speaker 7 Dirty, John.

Speaker 7 Okay, so a slugger and a gun man. Yes, and we are playing in the collegiate ultimate frisbee championships for the NESCAC.
We have been signed by Lehigh.

Speaker 7 So we set up to do our big play. Big frisbee play.
We're all lined up. I've got the disc.

Speaker 7 And are you doing a big throw or a catch? So first I do a big throw. Oh, yes.
And I throw to Sammy. Sammy pulls a huge baseball bat out of the back of his baseball.
No, not now, Sammy.

Speaker 7 And sweeps a frisbee, smasher frisbee. Hey.
Hey.

Speaker 7 What up? Sean? Hey, yo, yo, yo. Hey, what are you guys doing in here? Hey, man.
Friggin'

Speaker 7 doing our thing. We did.
Wait a minute. Yeah.

Speaker 7 And well, and can I make a small correction? We're doing our thing.

Speaker 7 Wait. Did the show start already or something? Yes, it has.
Yes, yes.

Speaker 7 Engineer Brain started the show. I just got it.
I will say the show has finally, really started. Yes.
It's been all a prelude to the show, and now the show has begun.

Speaker 7 Guys, this is the Comedy Bang Bang 9th anniversary show. Yes, this is not Hollywood Handbook.
We saw that on the show. It only took us nine years to get the formula right.

Speaker 7 Get the fuck out of here. What are you doing? Hey, hey, hey, language, dear.
What, English? Yes. Get out of the door.

Speaker 7 Okay. This is not Hollywood Handbook.
This is my show. Please leave.
Get back here with my show. You've heard of that? Come back here with my show.
Yes.

Speaker 7 Yes.

Speaker 7 Get back here with my show.

Speaker 7 Get the fuck out of here, guys. All right? This is not the way to start a big celebratory ninth anniversary show with Hollywood Handbook, the least popular show on the Year Wolf Network.

Speaker 7 Could be big for us, though, you have to admit. Yeah.
You You understand what our motivation is. Yes, I do.
Now, please try to adjust your motivation to motivate yourself out of the door.

Speaker 7 Are we officially least popular now? I know you've been cutting a lot of dead weight.

Speaker 7 I don't know. There may be some canceled shows.
I mean, the Wolf Den is always the least popular, but you're like neck and neck with that. Please leave, leave, leave, leave, leave.
Okay.

Speaker 7 All right, Sean and Hayes. Can everyone please have fun? Have a good time.
We will have fun.

Speaker 7 Does anyone have some questions for me before you leave? No, yes. Will you leave sooner?

Speaker 7 Okay.

Speaker 7 Oh my gosh.

Speaker 7 Sean and Hayes of Hollywood Handbook. I don't know how this turned into an episode of Hollywood Handbook.
Let me get my

Speaker 7 catchphrase.

Speaker 7 All right, they're gone. Please read to me from the wind in the willows while I lounge on your bed and fart in these pillows.
Welcome to Comedy Bang Bang. Oh my gosh.

Speaker 7 Run five minutes late one day and Hollywood Handbook comes in here and tries to take over the show.

Speaker 7 Welcome to Comedy Bang Bang for another edition. I'm Scott Auckerman, your real host.

Speaker 7 And that that was, of course, Hayes Davenport and Sean Clements of Hollywood Handbook. And

Speaker 7 welcome to the show. Nine years.
I mean, this is incredible.

Speaker 7 We've been nine years ago this very week. We

Speaker 7 sat down at the old Indy 1031 studios and did our first episode. And here we are, nine years later.
And we're doing, we're going to have a fun show here today. I don't quite know what's going on.

Speaker 7 My producer just told me to come here, and Engineer Brett had everything set up with those two buffoons, apparently. But I don't know what's happening.
Some guests will drop by.

Speaker 7 It's very exciting to me.

Speaker 7 And

Speaker 7 so, the first, oh, the door just opened.

Speaker 7 Okay.

Speaker 7 A couple of people just walked in.

Speaker 7 Just to keep starting.

Speaker 7 Let me just say, just to start, I did knock a few times, and

Speaker 7 nobody opened the door.

Speaker 7 Oh,

Speaker 7 hi, guys.

Speaker 7 What did you you say just keep going?

Speaker 7 Just keep doing what I'm doing.

Speaker 7 Pretend who's not here. Just keep doing your thing.
Pretend we're not here. Literally, I should pretend you're not here.
Yes.

Speaker 7 Well, I mean, what would that entail? Like, just like,

Speaker 7 you guys are occupying physical space. Like, what if I were to swipe my arms in the space that you're...

Speaker 7 Ow? You hit my pecs.

Speaker 7 Your pectorals? Oh, don't hit Dirk's pecs.

Speaker 7 He works out all the time.

Speaker 7 I'm sorry, let me just explain to the listener, this is a chaotic show.

Speaker 7 First, apparently, the host of Hollywood Handbook decided to host the show, and now a gentleman and a woman have walked in here, and they want me to pretend they're not.

Speaker 7 You could say I'm a man. Okay, a man and a lady? I like it.
That fits better for you guys? It does. Okay, so do you have something against being called a gentleman?

Speaker 7 Yeah, because I'm nasty.

Speaker 7 Wait, you're very nasty. You're nasty.
No, no, no. Of course, I kid.
I'm very buttoned up.

Speaker 7 Of course, you kid. Of course, you don't know me yet, but of course I kid.
Okay, is that part of your just whole?

Speaker 7 I simply am kidding, of course, but

Speaker 7 Emily and I have come in here to

Speaker 7 well, just to observe a little bit of a data. Just observing.
Just observing. And then later we'll report.
And we'll report. You're observing and then you're writing a report? Of course, we observe.

Speaker 7 Well, we don't necessarily have to write a report, but we will. Verbally, we could give one.

Speaker 7 We could do it. Verbally, we could do it written.
But you're going to do it written, you say? We're going to do both. She writes, I speak.
That's right. I don't like it the pens.

Speaker 7 And of course, I'm kidding. Dirk.
Doesn't like a depends.

Speaker 7 Do you speak what she writes? Now, of course,

Speaker 7 look, you're getting into

Speaker 7 the contents. Here's what happens.
I write at the same time that Dirk speaks. We're in separate rooms.
Oh, okay. And then we see if we match up.
Yeah. Okay.
And it's fun for us. How often,

Speaker 7 this is like the newlywed game or something. How often is that? No, no, no.
But we're not together.

Speaker 7 No, we are not together.

Speaker 7 We're married to our work, not to each other.

Speaker 7 That's what we always say. And of course, we kid.
But are you married to other people? Yeah, and are you kidding right now? Because I can't tell what to take seriously.

Speaker 7 I'm kidding about the funny rhyme. Right.
What rhyme? The rhyme. Marriage or work, not to each other.

Speaker 7 Guys,

Speaker 7 that does not rhyme. But it's a funny rhyme.
It sounds like a rhyme. I mean, married and married, I guess.
But isn't it a funny rhyme? Because it doesn't rhyme? That's what makes a funny rhyme.

Speaker 7 It's like a parody of a rhyme. Is that what you're trying to say? It's a spoon.
It's a spoon.

Speaker 7 It's a send-up. It's a send-up of a rhyme.
Yeah. Okay.

Speaker 7 So, of course, we're married to other people. Of course, we are.

Speaker 7 To whom are you married? I'm married to my wife. Her name is Withers.
Withers? Is her last name. Oh.
And her first name. Oh, so your last name is Withers.
No, her last name.

Speaker 7 Oh, she just didn't take your name. Okay.

Speaker 7 No. Joe's last name is Thirsty.
Yes. Oh, Thirsty.
So she didn't want to be... Her first name is Bursty, so she thought it would be weird.
So Bursty Withers is

Speaker 7 the person to whom you're married. Yes, and of course we got, we started dating.
When we first date, I thought,

Speaker 7 hey, look, watch out. You'll be Bursty thirsty.
And she said, I'll never take your name. And, of course, she was kidding, but we're stuck to it.
She was kidding at the time.

Speaker 7 Well, she didn't think we'd really get married. But she changed her mind.
Yes. Okay.
You're catching on. All right.
And are you kidding right now about all of this? Oh, I'm dead serious.

Speaker 7 Dead serious, okay. Of course I kid.
I didn't know if you two would ever get married, and I'm so glad you finally did.

Speaker 9 Oh, we were together for so long.

Speaker 7 Such a long time. What a wonderful wedding.
Sir, what is your first name? You mentioned Thirsty. My name is Dirk Thirsty.
Dirk Thirsty. Yes.
Okay, welcome to the show, Dirk Thirsty. Thanks.

Speaker 7 I've been listening to a bunch of apps to try to catch on to what you do exactly. Okay, well, it's part of our job.
It's part of our job. It's part of your job.
And who are you, ma'am?

Speaker 7 My name is Emily Grandchildren.

Speaker 7 Emily Grandchildren? Yes.

Speaker 7 And to whom are you married? I'm married to a man named Richard Bach. Richard Bach?

Speaker 7 Interesting. That's almost like Richard Bachman, the writer of the.

Speaker 7 Okay, it's him. Okay.

Speaker 7 You're married to King King. You're married to Richard Bachman.
That is a pseudonym for Stephen King. I'm married to Stephen King.
Are you happy?

Speaker 7 Now, are you happy? We've always wondered. You're married to Stephen King? Yes.
Can we get past it?

Speaker 7 First of all, I have so many questions. I mean, this is...

Speaker 7 Yes, I was his cocaine dealer. That's how we met.
Number two, do you like being scared?

Speaker 7 I don't like being scared. Isn't that funny? You don't.
So you do not read his books or do you not find them scary? I read them. I don't find them scary.
Oh, really? He's a little

Speaker 7 bit of a drink. He's the modern master of horror.
Well, I saw my parents killed in front of me, so that's my bar for scary. Oh, so a haunted hotel, whatever.
Yeah. How did your parents die?

Speaker 7 In front of you? They were executed.

Speaker 7 Summarily?

Speaker 7 They were summarily executed, yes.

Speaker 7 Oh, my goodness.

Speaker 7 By whom? Oh, by

Speaker 7 a warlord of some sort. A warlord, yes.

Speaker 7 How did you guess? I don't know. I have to read her Wikipedia.
Did you read my Wikipedia?

Speaker 7 You looking at the Wikipedia. Wikipedia Blue? My parents were drug dealers as well, so they were executed by Colombian drug lawyers.
Did you inherit their business?

Speaker 7 Yes, I did. Oh, okay.
It wasn't a side business that was a competitor. No, my brother and I decided to carry on the family business, and then I got out of that life eventually.
Oh, okay.

Speaker 7 And now what do you do now? You guys say you're here for work. Oh, yes.
You could say that. You could, and you should.
You should. You did say that.
That is why we are here. And that's why we're here.

Speaker 7 Yes. And of course, we were kidding when we said

Speaker 7 anything up.

Speaker 7 It was a funny rhyme. We were doing a funny one.
It was a funny rhyme. Look, look, look, look, look, look.
Look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look. Look, look, look.
Excuse me, I'm drinking.

Speaker 7 Look, look, look.

Speaker 7 Yeah, very thirsty. Please, sir, swallow.
Look, look, call in the name. Swallow and kidney.
Look, look, look. I brought my pet chicken.
I hope that's all. Look, look, look, look, look.

Speaker 7 Guys, guys, what are you doing here? This is my ninth anniversary, sir. Man and lady.
Clause, man and lady. Man, lady,

Speaker 7 why are you here? I need to get on with my show. I need to get to several guests, guests from what I understand.
We're from corporate, if you must know. Corporate? Corporate, yes.

Speaker 7 Mid-roll, if you're nasty. Yes, and the parent company.
Scripps. I'm nasty.
Oh, no. Well, let's mid-roll then, baby.
Scripps's parent company, RC Cola.

Speaker 7 You guys are from RC? Yeah. Oh, no.

Speaker 7 Is there a problem?

Speaker 7 Is there an issue with the show? I mean,

Speaker 7 well, we hope not.

Speaker 7 Here's what we've heard and why we've been sent here

Speaker 7 by RC.

Speaker 7 We've heard that you have an open door policy on this show. Well, that's yes, it's always been that way, all nine years.
Will you please stop mansplaining to Emily? I'm a lady.

Speaker 7 Let her let me lady explain to you? No, no, no, let me explain. Let her lady explain to you.
Uh-oh.

Speaker 7 Now, what were you saying, Mrs. Grandchildren?

Speaker 7 How old are you guys, by the way? Because you sounded very old. How old are you?

Speaker 7 No, you're

Speaker 7 exactly. What a question to ask.
Why aren't you too? I can ask a gentleman with huge pectorals. Take a go, judging by the length of my beard.
You're going to be surprised.

Speaker 7 Well, a beard like that, I would. That's the perfect point.

Speaker 7 Yes. Would kill your brother.
Westside story.

Speaker 7 That's a funny rhyme.

Speaker 7 A beard like that would take about approximately five years to grow.

Speaker 7 And so I'm five? No, but you.

Speaker 7 You may be clearly older than five.

Speaker 7 I have a job. What a terrible guess.
If you started growing beard hair at 13, you may be 18 years old.

Speaker 7 I'll take it. Well, I'll tell you what, I'm not.
I'm not at all. How old are you? Tell about the color of my beard, sir.
Oh, oh, okay.

Speaker 7 I was not looking at the color, I was merely looking at the shape and length.

Speaker 7 Put on your color eyes. Put on your color eyes.
You want me to colorize that beard like it's a wonderful life? Yeah, what are you, Ted Turner? Do it.

Speaker 7 Okay.

Speaker 7 What I'm seeing here is it's sort of,

Speaker 7 it's almost like every color in the rainbow. That's right.

Speaker 7 Beautiful. It's iridescent like a fish left out on a dock.
I dip-dye every time it grows longer. Dip-dye.
So, how am I supposed to tell how old you are by your rainbow beard?

Speaker 7 You look like the John 316 guy.

Speaker 7 So, upside down. How old is he?

Speaker 7 So, upside down, it was. He's either 3 or 16.
I'm guessing 16 since he has a beard. I'm three times 16.
Upside down, it would be more like 91e.

Speaker 7 Okay.

Speaker 7 316. No, I got it.
Yep. Okay.
How old are you? I said I'm three times 16. Do the three times 16.
You're

Speaker 7 48? I don't know.

Speaker 7 This is just what he's been told. Dirk refuses to know when his birthday is, when he was born.

Speaker 7 He just wants to live his life. I admire it, actually.
I wish I didn't know when my birthday was. I don't want to live on a timeline.
That's right.

Speaker 7 But you do want to know what your age is divisible by?

Speaker 7 Well, that's what he's been told. But I don't know how to do the math.
Okay, okay. So you're 48 years old, and you, you, ma'am, or lady.
Lady. Lady, I beg your pardon.

Speaker 7 You're going to woman woman explain something to me? Oh, yeah, what was that? Oh, yeah, what was that? You were going to womanplain. First of all, I'm going to lady splain.
Oh, okay.

Speaker 7 You were going to lady explain what corporate is.

Speaker 7 The open-door policy, we've been getting complaints

Speaker 7 from Reddit users,

Speaker 7 Twitter.

Speaker 7 So, people on the internet in general, they're. Church bulletins.
Oh, no.

Speaker 7 Lost dog flyers. I saw a sky-written one.

Speaker 7 Where was this? Were you on the beach? I was on the beach. That's primarily where I see my skywriting.

Speaker 7 I saw a plane pulling a banner that said, Comedy Bang Bang. I have some issues with it.
Oh, no. Then I saw a skywriter say, Open door policy, question mark.
I don't think so. Exclamation points.

Speaker 7 That must have taken loop-de-loop until they crashed into the water. They crashed? Oh, no.
No, it was beautiful to watch, though. Oh, I mean,

Speaker 7 I have to imagine that the person went down doing what they loved. So,

Speaker 7 you're doing loop-de-loops or just flying in? Skyriding in the sky said, I meant to do that as a fill in. Yes.

Speaker 7 Would you mind speaking up, sir?

Speaker 7 You seem to mumble everything you're saying. Sorry, you can't hear me?

Speaker 7 I mean, a person with those giant pectorals, it seems like you would have a lot of lungs. My voice goes into my body.
Dirk's voice goes into his body. It goes backwards? Yes.

Speaker 7 If you can't hear it, get inside.

Speaker 7 You ask me to fuck you? What do you mean? What? I beg your pardon. Excuse me.
I'm from a corporate. Oh, I beg your pardon.

Speaker 7 That'll have to go into our written and oral reports.

Speaker 7 it'll be in the oral one

Speaker 7 why are you winking at me

Speaker 7 now you're doing it to me i need to report

Speaker 7 a horse

Speaker 7 look

Speaker 7 okay look so there's an issue with the open door policy i would say the primary issue right now is the fact that you guys just walked in well well you see how easy that was exactly it's proving our point okay that people have a problem with that interestingly i knocked and no one reacted then i opened the door and went camera on in right well here's the problem if Do you want that to happen at your home?

Speaker 7 I

Speaker 7 do you see something, say something. Look, we will do that at your home if you want it to happen at your home.
No, I do not.

Speaker 7 We'll see you tonight.

Speaker 7 No, thank you. But look,

Speaker 7 for recent listeners of the show, what people don't know is that there is an open door policy in the show. Sometimes people are allowed to just walk right in and talk to the mic.

Speaker 7 Whomever comes by the studio is allowed to. And you're saying this is an issue.
This is a problem. It could be.

Speaker 7 But it hasn't been.

Speaker 7 Well, some people have complained. Okay.

Speaker 7 People who haven't complained, I assume, are fine with it. Right.
Very rarely do people say, I don't have a problem with this part of anything.

Speaker 7 And also very rarely do people say, I enjoy this part of anything.

Speaker 7 That's true.

Speaker 7 Human beings are generally just like a miserable lot. And that's also true.
So what we're going to do is we're going to just monitor the show. I'm assuming the open door policy is in effect.
It is.

Speaker 7 So we'll just

Speaker 7 see if it's ever a problem. And chime in.

Speaker 7 We'll chime in. We'll just chime in if we have something to say.
We'll do some of our classic chime-ins. Okay.
And we'll do a funny rhyme. If we need a little spicing up.
Exactly.

Speaker 7 I could use a little right now. Here's a funny rhyme.
Yeah.

Speaker 7 A stitch in time.

Speaker 7 Hold on. How did it go?

Speaker 7 Why don't I do mine and you think about yours? Okay. Okay.

Speaker 7 Here's a funny rhyme.

Speaker 7 I remember mine. Oh, okay, go ahead.
A stitch in time.

Speaker 9 Well, that's really cool.

Speaker 7 Wait a minute. This sounds familiar to me.
Are you ready for mine? Yes, I am ready for yours.

Speaker 7 When in doubt, listen to your heart. That's where you go to know things that you need to know.
Okay, nothing rhymed. Oh, I've got another one.
Another rhyme. Okay, you have another one?

Speaker 7 We're having sort of a funny rhyme off.

Speaker 7 They always say lightning doesn't strike twice, but do they ever say, sometimes it does?

Speaker 7 This is more like a closing sentiment off than anything resembling. We're on familiar.
I don't know what that is. We don't know what you mean.
Okay. Well, guys, I hope that you are.

Speaker 7 Hello, look at me. Man and woman? What did you say? No, I'm going to say that.
No, man and lady. Please stop flapping your penis at me, by the way.

Speaker 7 Were you just blowing on it? What?

Speaker 7 What, to get it to move slightly? Flapping the penis, slapping the bass.

Speaker 7 That's almost a rhyme. Flapping and slapping.
Front-loaded, though. It's a funny rhyme.
Yeah. Well, guys, sorry, man, woman, woman, lady, man, lady.
It's very simple.

Speaker 7 It's just as simple as it is to peep what we are. Can I just call you Dirk and Emily? Is that okay? Oh.

Speaker 7 That made you so sad. You guys look like a crying emoji right there.
I'd like to be called Miss Grandma. Do you see people's faces as emojis?

Speaker 7 Oh, honey. Oh, honey.
You look like the crying emoji.

Speaker 7 What did I do? Now you look like the barfing emoji. Are you sick?

Speaker 7 All right. Well, you're going to be here the entire show? We have to.
We are. We have to.
Okay, well. We don't want to.
It's great to see you guys.

Speaker 7 Great to see you, Ms. Grandchildren, and Dirk.
It's a verbal tick. I've said it my entire life.
I call everyone guys.

Speaker 4 You have to stop now.

Speaker 7 Okay. Now is the day.
You don't do that ever again. Really? I don't think I'm going to be able to.

Speaker 7 This is how you will mark time for the rest of your life. Today is the day.
Open this card. The demarcation point is now.
Open this card. Open the card.
Okay, hold on. Hold on.

Speaker 7 You guys got me a card? Is this like an anniversary card? And please read it out loud.

Speaker 7 Dear Scott, to whom it may concern. Why did you put that after Dear Scott? Because we weren't sure you were going to be here.
You'll see that Dear Scott is written over.

Speaker 7 Although we were told you were here. Oh, okay, yes.

Speaker 7 With all of the love in our hearts, we welcome you to the studio.

Speaker 7 RC Cola

Speaker 7 would love to celebrate your ninth anniversary

Speaker 7 with a free case of RC Strawberry Cola,

Speaker 7 which is no longer popular

Speaker 7 and thereby why

Speaker 7 we were able to gather so much of it. Yeah, and give it

Speaker 7 that in the front.

Speaker 7 You left that in the front? Uh-huh. Okay, party in the back.

Speaker 7 All right. We left it in the front.
You party in the back. Yes, sincerely,

Speaker 7 Ms. Grandchildren and Dirk Thirsty.
Well, oh, by the way, you work for RC Cola. Is that, I mean,

Speaker 7 your last name is Thirsty. Was that a coincidence? It's a coincidence because RC is so far removed from what I actually do.

Speaker 7 Oh, how do you mean that? Because I'm working not at the RC offices. Oh, okay.
You're out there in the field, out there on the streets?

Speaker 7 I'm in the streets. Yeah, you're a field agent.
Dirk's a corporate floater. I'm a corporate floater, which is what I wanted to be when I grew up.
I don't quite know what that means.

Speaker 7 It's like a poop in a toilet. It's like a poop in a toilet.
But in the business world? Yes. yes so it's the equivalent okay got it

Speaker 7 all right well um i think it's time to get to uh our first guest

Speaker 7 uh who came in here

Speaker 7 our uh producer is handing me a sheet here and uh everyone is a surprise to me today uh so let's see who we have here oh well this is this is very exciting this is uh it reads here fan favorite

Speaker 7 uh he's been on the show several times but only recently yeah that's right

Speaker 7 only in approximately the last five six six months.

Speaker 9 Yeah, it's a he's catching on quick, this guy.

Speaker 7 Yeah, Rudy North is here. Rudy North, professional employee, Rudy North.
Professional employee and favorite favorite. Scott, I need to get this out of the way right now.
Oh, really?

Speaker 7 You don't want to meet our other

Speaker 7 in a second. Okay.
But you have to get something off your chest, Rudy. Bring him back to the show.
Thank you, Scott. No time for formalities or pleasantries, though.
I got to get to this right away.

Speaker 7 We got to get to it. Okay, let there be no more dalliances, please.
Scott, let's go ahead and do a recap. Previously, on Comedy Bang Bang.

Speaker 7 I am a dirtbag.

Speaker 7 I

Speaker 7 life swapped a guy, took his job at Postmates. Got fired for Postmates for punching people in the throat.
Right. Then I life swapped a guy at Target.
Took his job at security. Right.

Speaker 7 Got fired for punching people in the throat. Right.
Then, at the end of the last show, I took Engineer Cody's job. Wait, a life swap.
He's no longer here at Earwood.

Speaker 7 He's no longer here, but I haven't seen you around. I was immediately fired.
Oh, okay. I punched Engineer Brett in the throat.
Oh, no. Brett, is that true? You don't get on that.
Yeah, you've noticed.

Speaker 7 He can't be able, he can't talk anymore. His throat is fucked up.
Oh, is that why? Oh, my gosh.

Speaker 7 You've been like gesturing the please give me the Heimlich.

Speaker 7 He does that a lot now. It's a comfort thing for him.
Yeah.

Speaker 7 It's like a thunder blanket for a dog. Right.
Yeah. Okay, so that catches us up? Yes, that catches you up.

Speaker 7 Because as far as I recall, you were also a magical being. That's not important, Scott.
Scott, I'm here to talk about my employment. And, Scott, I got a new job.
You got a new job.

Speaker 7 That's right, Scott. Okay.
Well, I was fired from Mirwolf, of course. Of course, you were.
Of course. All right.
Now, I was walking through a park.

Speaker 7 Just the other day. I was making note of that.

Speaker 7 I was walking through a park just the other day. Okay.
And

Speaker 7 there was a guy, I heard this sound, and it was a loud. Describe the sound, please.
The sound, it was loud. Okay, well, sounds are normally

Speaker 7 varying volume.

Speaker 7 So this was at the upper end of the it was a tone it was a tonal sound oh okay so the tone it was like a tone can i give you an example what it sounded like yes please it sounded like this

Speaker 7 that kind of sound so sort of like singing it was like singing but it was coming from an engine a motor and i walked over to it and i saw a man holding a leaf blower scott Okay, this is very confusing.

Speaker 7 Let me try to figure this out. You heard a sound.
It was a sound like singing. Yes.
It was coming from a motor.

Speaker 7 That motor.

Speaker 7 In the car? Oh, the car. It was a leafblower, Scott.

Speaker 7 I think I know what's going on here. And correct me if I'm wrong.
Was this a Flintstone situation? Where the leafblower was a living creature? Like a dinosaur of some sort?

Speaker 7 If this was prehistoric times, it might have been. But this was current times.
But this was current times. We had the machines.

Speaker 7 Can I ask you a question? You noticed it was from a motor before it was from a leafblower? I have a keen sense of hearing, Scott. Oh, okay.
Based on my time. Yeah, but you heard it and it was singing.

Speaker 7 So on what? I'm sorry? Based on my time on this earth. Okay.
Oh, okay. But I heard it, it was a singing.
We've all had time on this earth, so why should yours be more keen?

Speaker 7 Very good. Yeah.

Speaker 7 I'm very old, but we don't have time to get it to that. Oh, that's right.
You're hundreds of years old. I'm hundreds of years old.
Now, Scott,

Speaker 7 I punched this guy in the throat. The guy holding the leafblower? Yep.
Took his leafblower. Okay.
Took his job. Took his life.
Okay, what was his job? Leafblower. Oh, okay.

Speaker 7 I thought that might be something he was doing on the weekend. No, no, he's a leafblower.
He's okay. And he works for the city of Los Angeles.
Okay.

Speaker 7 Scott, I'm happy to say that I'm a happy employee for the city of Los Angeles. I'm a leafblower.
Oh, my gosh. Congratulations.
Thank you, Alex. Rudy North, you finally have found a job.

Speaker 7 What could be a career?

Speaker 7 Now, Scott, a lot of people... Now, you're calling a career, and I appreciate that because a lot of people look down on leafblowers and they say, is that even a job? It's very easy.

Speaker 7 Well, I would assume no one would do that unless they were getting paid for it.

Speaker 7 Well, yeah. I mean, or they were trying to do the upkeep of their own property.

Speaker 7 I say being a leafblower is akin to being an architect. Okay.
How do you mean? Like,

Speaker 7 I'm trying to think of architects

Speaker 7 that I've met. Mr.
Brady. Mr.
Brady is the only famous example of an architect. Frasier.
Frazier. Frazier was an architect? I think.
Caroline in the city.

Speaker 7 She drew buildings.

Speaker 7 She did draw a building. She drew a building.
Was she a cartoonist? Ted from Too Close for Comfort. He also drew.
She was Drew Buildings. Okay.
I feel like Frasier was a call-in radio host.

Speaker 7 I feel like he might have been. But I might be wrong.
I don't know anything about how.

Speaker 7 Frazier Crane? Your last name's Crane. You don't work with them? Oh, shit.
You know what? He was an architect.

Speaker 7 I'm a little confused by the sound that this leaf blower made.

Speaker 9 All right, you want me to do it again?

Speaker 7 Yeah, well, no, but

Speaker 7 it sounds like a human being singing. Well, Scott, I'm not.

Speaker 7 That was pretty good. Oh, we were sneezing.
Oh, that was a sneeze? Bless you. Gizzo tight.

Speaker 7 One of the things that caused us to work together, we realized around the office. Oh, that was the one.
We both.

Speaker 7 You instantly harmonized. Wow, now

Speaker 7 I got a good ear. I couldn't hear over my own sneezing.

Speaker 7 I guess any two different notes are harmony

Speaker 7 in a certain chord. Hey, you're the music expert, Scott.
I'm just the leaf chord expert. I guess Scott's criticizing how we sneeze.

Speaker 7 I'm not criticizing at all. I'm merely criticizing.
I was more criticizing what Rudy said. Well, hold up.
Don't criticize. If you're going to criticize anything, criticize these nuts.

Speaker 7 My dear fellow. Well, I'm just saying, Scott.
Wait, did you say that because your nuts are criticized?

Speaker 7 Those are as big as possums. I got big nuts.
And if you're going to criticize anything, you got to criticize my nuts.

Speaker 7 Now, Scott, you're not respecting me, Scott, because I'm telling you that leave me. Don't punch me in the throat.
I'm not going to punch you in the throat. All right.
Dirt bass handshake.

Speaker 7 I'm not going to taunt you in the throat.

Speaker 7 Now, Scott. Were you a genie or something? No, I was not a genie.
Now, yes, I might have a similar voice to a genie that might have appeared on the other side. Don't we all?

Speaker 7 Don't we all have similar voices? I know I sound like a genie. I sound like many people.

Speaker 7 What was your, but I'm trying to, you, you always come in here and you never, you say we never have time to talk about your backstory.

Speaker 7 I'm worried we're getting into the, you know, the intricacies of leaf blowing when I'm really interested in the uh how could you be interested in you're immortal? Okay, Scott, I'm immortal.

Speaker 7 I wasn't born into a human human body. I was born in 1600.
These are things that we all know.

Speaker 7 Can we talk about it?

Speaker 7 All right, go ahead. Scott, look, it's your show.
I don't think you understand. It's his show.
I'm already.

Speaker 7 It's your time. It is my time.
The floor is yours, is what I'm saying. Thank you, Scott.
This forum is mine, and I want to talk about the importance of blowing leaves. The importance of it.
Yes. Okay.

Speaker 7 Now, where do they go? Oscar Wilde. The importance of blowing leaves by Oscar Wilde.
Where do they go?

Speaker 7 Anytime I see someone blowing leaves around, I'm like, it's like when you you go in, there's an air dryer in the public restroom.

Speaker 7 Where's the water go? It's just like flicking it around

Speaker 7 onto the floor. It evaporates.
Yeah, in that situation, it evaporates. But with leaves.
So do leaves evaporate? Can't you just

Speaker 7 absolutely see where the leaves go? Oh, it seems like they're just flying around, and then it's like

Speaker 7 they're no longer on my property anymore. They're on someone else's.
Yeah, my job is to get leaves off of sidewalks and get them onto people's shoes and faces.

Speaker 7 And to sort of get them so that people can walk down the sidewalk and be like, Wow, this is clean, but oh, it smells like mulch, there's there's bugs everywhere, and somebody's sort of swooshed around all this dirt with air and didn't really do anything.

Speaker 7 Right. I mean, so you're just like blowing leaves onto someone's face so they look like Gene Simmons in his kiss makeup or something? That's my favorite thing to do.

Speaker 7 Blowing leaves on people's faces so they look like Gene Simmons in the kiss makeup. Very specific.
Scott, you should be a leaf blower, man.

Speaker 7 I'm very happy in my current position. Yeah, you know what? I don't know if you have the skills to blow leaves.
Yeah, what are are the skills involved?

Speaker 7 I mean, it seems like you pick up a thing and then you point it at something. You have to turn it on.
Is that about it? You've never leafblown before, Scott? I don't believe I ever have. No.

Speaker 7 That was some expert shit right there.

Speaker 9 I mean, damn, you pick. So you pick it up and then you turn it on?

Speaker 7 You're pretty good. And then you point it.

Speaker 9 You know what?

Speaker 7 Man, leaf blow is pretty easy. Yeah.

Speaker 7 I mean, it's a very low-paying job. I mean, I'm sure there are people out there.
I mean, I don't think there's anyone out there listening to podcasts while they leaf blow.

Speaker 7 I think that would be a boss block. That's crazy.

Speaker 7 So, you know, I don't think I'm insulting anyone, but it's a very low-paying, low-wage job that, you know, people don't want to stay in for a long period of time, usually.

Speaker 7 Can I ask you a question, Scott? Sure. How much money you make?

Speaker 7 This is interesting. Has anyone ever asked you that before? Yes, I'd like to.
I mean, it fluctuates. Here's the problem is when you're in show business, jobs come and go.
It fluctuates so much.

Speaker 7 Give me average of the last three years.

Speaker 7 Of the last three, I would have to take a look at my tax returns. I don't have them

Speaker 7 easily accessible to me.

Speaker 7 This is interesting. Oh, that is interesting.
This isn't a rude question. I feel like this question isn't normal to me.
You put the rude and Rudy North, my friend.

Speaker 7 Ooh, funny rhyme. That's a funny rhyme.
That's a funny rhyme. That is good.
It's quite good. How much money do you make? Well, I mean...
What are we paying you?

Speaker 7 You guys should have this information more than anyone. No, you just.
What should we do? We just want to know how you interpret it.

Speaker 7 In dollars.

Speaker 7 Okay. Wow.

Speaker 7 You would trouble to ask God.

Speaker 7 How are we going to be talking about this?

Speaker 7 I'm making a note of that. Look, Rudy, why are you here? What?

Speaker 7 Not to quote the beastie boys, but why are you here?

Speaker 7 They're still talking. Hold on.
What are y'all saying? I'm sorry, you were supposed to be paid in pretzels, not dollars. Are you being paid in dollars? Because that's a problem.

Speaker 7 You want to pay me in the equivalent number of pretzels that dollars would buy? Listen. No, the equivalent number of pretzels that would be dollars.
Oh, so every dollar is one pretzel?

Speaker 7 Because that's not an equitable. I mean.
Maybe you don't understand how corporate culture works. We're paying you in pretzels to make you thirsty to buy R R C.
Cola and drink it. He's thirsty.

Speaker 7 That's my name, not my number.

Speaker 7 What's your number? 312. Oh, don't.
Hold on.

Speaker 7 Is this your social security or your telephone? You figure it out. Uh-oh.
What do we got? 3-1-2. 3-1-2.

Speaker 7 9-2. 9-2.

Speaker 7 3. 3.

Speaker 7 1-2-2. 1-2-2.

Speaker 7 0. 0.

Speaker 7 9-2-2. 9-2-2.
This is not a social security number. It doesn't even sound like a phone number anymore.
409.

Speaker 7 409. 32.
Like the formula. Oh, my gosh.
Times 60. Times 60.
Oh, I can't even keep track anymore. And I'm relatively good at math.

Speaker 7 Well, this is wild. I mean, Scott,

Speaker 7 can I just say, Scott,

Speaker 7 you asked me why I was here. Yeah, why are you here?

Speaker 7 I did want to tell you about my new job, but I did have some other news I needed to deliver to you, but then we can move on and we don't need to talk about it.

Speaker 7 Okay, this is news about yourself or news about me? It's kind of news about myself, but it's news about everybody. Okay.

Speaker 7 Scott. I'm sorry.
Everybody in the world? Or everybody here? Everyone who's ever existed. Ever existed? With the dead?

Speaker 7 Yeah. Look, Scott.
From the first caveman that

Speaker 7 took a lightning strike to a tree branch and decided, like, oh, that keeps me warm.

Speaker 7 He's affected too, Scott. Oh, my gosh.
The first caveman that took a lightning strike

Speaker 7 to a tree branch. To a tree branch.
And said, oh, that keeps me warm. You guys think that's a weird question? I got it.

Speaker 7 Scott,

Speaker 7 your actual name is Slot Ackerman.

Speaker 7 We're living in a flashpoint-esque scenario where I've traveled back in time and changed the future. And you've altered the future? Yeah, little details have changed in everyone's lives.

Speaker 7 Like the buttercream effect? It's like the buttercream effect, Scott. Oh, no.

Speaker 7 So, yeah, your name is Scott now.

Speaker 7 It's Scott now, but it used to be Slot? It used to be Slot Ackerman. I don't know.
What was my name, Dirtbag? Oh, your name was Mrs. Grandkids.

Speaker 7 Mrs. Grandkids, not Miss Grandchildren? No, it was Miss Grandkids.
What was my name? Oh, your name? Uh

Speaker 7 Dick Thursty.

Speaker 7 I'll stick with Dirk. Okay, yeah.
Okay, but was

Speaker 7 Miss grandchildren married to Stephen King in the previous?

Speaker 7 She was married to Stephen Prince. Stephen Prince? Yeah.

Speaker 7 Scott, I don't really want to explain all the differences.

Speaker 7 Was Stephen King's name Stephen Prince before? Or was it a totally different person?

Speaker 7 When you go back that far in time, it's hard to kind of predict the outcomes.

Speaker 7 So yeah, it's hard. How far back did you go in order to? Oh,

Speaker 7 I went back before humans existed. Whoa,

Speaker 7 the primordial ooze.

Speaker 7 I think you have a lot of other guests, Scott, and I feel like we shouldn't really get too far into that. How did you do it? How did you achieve it? Because as far as I know, you're just an immortal.

Speaker 7 Oh, yeah, I could run really fast like the Flash.

Speaker 7 Just like the DC Comics Flash. Okay, so you can't time travel in terms of just like if you wanted to,

Speaker 7 you'd have to run really fast. I run really fast.

Speaker 7 I have the same powers as the flash.

Speaker 7 Every single power? Yep. I could phase through stuff.

Speaker 7 I could also make duplicates of myself when I vibrate really fast. Okay.
And can you bring other people into the Speed Force and have them experience? Oh, yeah. I would love to experience it.

Speaker 7 You want to talk to the Speed Force? Yeah, let me get in there. All right, hold on.

Speaker 7 Oh, my God. That was amazing.
Yeah, that was crazy. That was like three years we were in there.
What did you you say to the speed force?

Speaker 7 I don't know. We just, it didn't talk back, so I just.

Speaker 7 He said a lot of stuff. But, Scott, we had a lot of fun times in there.
That was really fun. I feel like, I mean, you're my best friend.
I love you. For the last three years.
How long were we gone?

Speaker 7 Was it like two years? Why are you guys still here? I can't believe it. It was.
Oh, we've been. The time stopped over here, I guess.
It was just like a millisecond to us. Oh, my.
Oh, my God.

Speaker 7 That's right, Scott. Rudy and I have experienced so much.
He told me his whole backstory. I learned everything about him.
Now, Scott, now that you know the backstory, let's not start telling people.

Speaker 7 It's boring to me. It's boring.
Yeah, I don't want to hear it. I'm so much in it.
I don't know how the secret conversation

Speaker 7 is. What are you guys talking about? Nothing.
I don't feel good because of what happened just now.

Speaker 7 What do you mean? What's your name? Emotionally or physically? They went away and then they came back and they're best friends. But don't you see they're lying? No.

Speaker 7 Oh, well, they are.

Speaker 7 Really? I never think anyone's lying. You're too trusty.
Of course I'm a kid. Of course I kid.

Speaker 7 What? You guys really feel bad that we, or you think we're lying? Which is it? Dirt feels bad. I think you're lying.
Okay.

Speaker 7 Well, I'm not. Which is how I'm going to.
It's one or the other.

Speaker 7 Okay.

Speaker 7 Either you made Dirk feel bad or you're lying. All right, Dirk feels bad is what I'll take because that's going in my report.
I'm going to be speaking audibly about this. Okay.

Speaker 9 Scott, can I have a private conversation with you?

Speaker 7 Yeah, let's have a private conversation. Scott, you remember like eight months ago we were on the Speed Force? Yeah, yeah, of course.
We were talking to Speed Force. Yeah.
And you were taking it.

Speaker 7 Which day was it? Which day was like

Speaker 7 back in like speed force november oh okay yeah

Speaker 7 and um you were like it was like right next to speed force thanksgiving yeah yeah which was fun i remember that we gathered all the speed force pilgrims and yeah this was how i was a ton of americans yeah so you remember you were trying to like make a dish for everybody yes and i said scott you can't please everybody

Speaker 7 this is good advice yeah i was trying so hard and it was running me ragged and i was really worried about every single person's feelings this is just like that scott you cannot try to please all these people rudy this is why i love you but you should try to please us because we're in charge of the show.

Speaker 7 That's right. We're determining your fate right now.
You guys were listening to our private conversation? Shit. Well, it wasn't.

Speaker 7 This is going in

Speaker 7 my report. Hell yeah.
We make reports now. This is going in our report, Mother.
Well, guess what? Nobody cares what your report says. Or wait, is it Mother's Fucker or is it Motherfuckers? Oh.

Speaker 7 It used to be Mother's Fucker, but when I changed the timeline, now it's Motherfuckers. Oh, okay.
This is a Berenstein-Bear situation. Yeah, Berenstein.
Okay,

Speaker 7 look, we are coming up on a break here.

Speaker 7 Rudy. Yeah, I'm sorry for dropping that bomb, but we've gotten so close.
We have gotten so close, Scott. Can you stick around, Rudy? Is that okay?

Speaker 7 I just, I feel like I can't do the show anymore with it. I mean.
Do you think I would leave you at this time of peril, Scott? I haven't done this show in three years. I feel like I'm a little rusty.

Speaker 7 I need my best friend to be able to do it. Literally, no time has passed.
I know, but for us, it has. It's been a while, Scott.
I got you. It's been a while.
All right.

Speaker 7 Well, guys, let's go to a break. When we come back, we'll have more surprises.
This is exciting. I have no idea.
This word from RC Cola. Okay, yes.

Speaker 7 Do you want to do an RC-Cola ad? Is that what you do? I do, yes. Okay, go ahead.
Oh, sure. Yeah, Emily and Dirk.
Go ahead.

Speaker 7 What are you drinking, Dirk? That doesn't sound like what you were drinking before.

Speaker 7 We're doing a commercial. This commercial.
Before when you were drinking,

Speaker 7 I was about to explain that I wasn't drinking. Be quiet.

Speaker 7 Dirk, what's going on? You're not drinking. My tongue fell out.

Speaker 7 What's that? My tongue fell out. It's too hard from no drinks.
Oh, no. I've got the perfect solution.

Speaker 7 Are you familiar with Royal Crown cola? No.

Speaker 7 Well, it's commonly known as RC cola. Can I ring a bell? I'm familiar.
Here, drink some of it.

Speaker 7 Ouch.

Speaker 7 What? You drank too fast. Hey, I'm dirtbag Rudy North.

Speaker 7 He just thump punched them. Yeah,

Speaker 7 drink RC Cola. I'm coming for that ass, baby.
All right.

Speaker 7 Wow, good commercial. Let's hear some

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Speaker 7 We'll be be right back with more Comedy Bang Bang, more Dirk Thirsty, more Emily Grandchildren, more Rudy North, and more surprises after this.

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Speaker 7 Comedy Bang Bang, we're back here with my best friend Rudy North is here. And

Speaker 7 dude,

Speaker 7 we just have been like...

Speaker 7 Shit, dude. Dude, we've been just like getting real with each other during the break.
It was too much

Speaker 7 improv during commercials. Too much improv during commercials.
Excuse me.

Speaker 7 We can do whatever we want during commercial. You're listening to my private notes.
Why are you doing that? You're speaking them aloud, Ms. Grandchildren.

Speaker 7 Yes, I am. It helps me to think.
We're back here with Miss Grandchildren, Emily Grandchildren and Dirk Thursday.

Speaker 7 I meant to ask you, Miss Grandchildren, do you work for Royal Crown Cola because you're married to Stephen King?

Speaker 7 Look.

Speaker 7 I cannot believe.

Speaker 7 I keep thinking people are going to stop asking me that.

Speaker 7 Obviously, I do. The doi doi.

Speaker 7 Now, for me, it's a coincidence.

Speaker 7 The thirsty thing is a coincidence, but the

Speaker 7 Crown and King is...

Speaker 7 Exactly. So did Stephen King suggest you do it because he wanted to drink the drink that reminded him of his last day.
Call him Stephen King when you know him. What do you call him? Coaxie.
Coaxie?

Speaker 7 Coaxie.

Speaker 7 But Coxie. Here's the thing.
I was a cocaine dealer. Right.
I dealt cocaine to Stephen King. But it's so much so.
Do you want to hear the story on it? I do. Wow.
So much so that I called him Coxie.

Speaker 7 Okay.

Speaker 7 He said,

Speaker 7 when you call me Coxie, it makes me thirsty for soft drinks. And I said, what? I'm thirsty.
Jerk was there. Okay.
And then she was. But you did not want to work for the corporation due to that.

Speaker 7 No, I just was hanging out with my friend, Emily Grandchildren. And my soon-to-be husband, Stephen Gray.
And I said, I'm thirsty.

Speaker 7 And then he said, these pretzels are making me thirsty. And then we said, stop always quoting Seinfeld.
You'll never be him.

Speaker 7 You're a fan of it. Stephen Green wanted to be Seinfeld? Oh, that's all he wanted.
He wanted to be funny. You're a scary guy.
Every musician wants to be funny.

Speaker 7 Every horror novelist wants to be Jerry Seinfeld. Everyone wishes they were funner.
Right. Everyone wishes they were funner.

Speaker 7 Isn't it weird you used to deal Coke and now you work for E. Cola? Well, that's what I was getting to, but you wouldn't shut up.
Okay. Well,

Speaker 7 he wouldn't shut up more than me. Well, that's allowed in our relationship.
Isn't it weird that you used to deal Coke and I love the stuff? And of course I'm kidding. You don't like Artsy Cola?

Speaker 7 No, he doesn't like Arts. Cocaine, you don't.
Didn't you hear? You don't care. Back off.
Thank you, Rudy. Don't fuck with my man Scott.
All right, I'm glad you have my back here.

Speaker 7 Rudy, this is going in my report. I don't even work here anymore.
Y'all fired the fuck out of these. Yeah, but this is going in our reports.

Speaker 7 Are you writing this name?

Speaker 7 I'm writing it down. We're all writing everything down.
Okay. Shit, I got a pen of paper right here.
Is your name Rudy? Is it short for Rudith?

Speaker 7 No.

Speaker 7 Is it short for Rudimentary? Yes.

Speaker 7 Your name back in this...

Speaker 7 I was born in 1600. No, I know all this.
Yeah, you know that, but

Speaker 7 Rudimentary North. That never came up in the last three years.
I never told you about my naming. You never told me about rudimentary north.
I was named after a compass. Oh.

Speaker 7 Hey, Scott, we can't get it to this point. Not true north, not true.
Rudimentary North. Not rudimentary.
So it's just sort of north. That's right.
But that was a great question.

Speaker 7 I can't believe that didn't come up, Scott. Maybe we need to go back into speaking.
Well, whatever. Maybe after boom.

Speaker 7 Maybe at the end of the show we will. I'm not the best choice for host for this show if you're not asking the best questions.
Okay, well, we covered so much in the last three years.

Speaker 7 Just an idea, and I'm writing it down. All right, look, we need to get to our next guest.

Speaker 7 And Engineer Brett's handed me another piece of paper. And, oh, this is exciting.
We've only talked to him once, but

Speaker 7 he was a fan favorite. He is

Speaker 7 from

Speaker 7 Australia. Oh, Scott.
Oh, yeah. Hi, how are you going? Hi, it's Kiwi Chris's man.
Chris? Yeah, bit of an adventurer, through hiker, Olien Bickpicker. Guy who falls in holes.
Right.

Speaker 7 Guys who fies in holes. Hi, guys.

Speaker 7 Guys who fights in holes.

Speaker 7 Yeah, Scott. I'm not from Australia.
I'm from New Zealand. New Zealand.
I'm a Kiwi.

Speaker 7 How you going? What's up, everybody? What's up, Joe? How you going? What's up, dude? What's up? Sa, oh, yeah. What's up? What's the rudimentary? I like it.
Welcome back to the show.

Speaker 7 It's so good to see you. Good to be here.
I have a problem when I listen to an accent. I have to tell you.

Speaker 7 Wait, wait, which one of you is talking now?

Speaker 7 It's not me.

Speaker 7 It is you.

Speaker 7 Dirk? Doesn't sound a lot like me at all.

Speaker 7 Slightly offended. Just kidding.
I'm casual. I don't kid.
That's how you life swap somebody. You just start saying their accent, then you take their wallet, and then you take their identity.

Speaker 7 That's how it's, yeah, that's of course how it started. Accent, wallet, identity.
Well, throat punch, also. Throat punch? Well, that's a given.
Sure. So that doesn't have to be in the instructions.

Speaker 7 Yeah. Right.

Speaker 7 So, Chris, it's so good to see you. This is

Speaker 7 the first name Kiwi later. Kiwi Chris.
So sorry. Kiwi, it's so good to see you.
This is Dirk Thirsty and all my grandchildren.

Speaker 7 And

Speaker 7 since the last time I saw you, about three and a half years ago. Yeah.
Oh, long time, huh? Oh, well. well.
It feels that long to me. Rudy and I have been in the Speed Force for three years.

Speaker 7 We've been there. Yeah,

Speaker 7 it took a millisecond here, but we became best friends. Have you stayed in the hostel in the Speed Force? Oh, you've been at the Speed Force? Yeah, I've been there.
See, here's my thing.

Speaker 7 I'm nearly where we were.

Speaker 7 Accidental interdimensional traveler, right? I fall in halls and I discover things. That's my thing, right? So I fell in the hall and I fell into the Speed Force, and it was nice.

Speaker 7 I was there for a bit. Type.
And then I came out, you know?

Speaker 7 How long were you in the Speed Force? Oh, I mean, time is relative there, huh? Well, yeah, yeah. Well, that's true.
How many holes do you follow? A lot of holes. I'm a very clumsy guy.

Speaker 7 Bit of a clumsy man. You sort of tripped as you were walking in here, I noticed.
And luckily, there were no holes in the floor here.

Speaker 7 No, no, but let me tell you, yesterday I fell in a hall, and guess what I discovered? What's that? Arthurian Kimelot.

Speaker 7 Arthurian Kimelot? Kimelot. Camelot?

Speaker 9 Kimelot.

Speaker 7 Like Lancelot, Guinevere. Yeah.
Arthur. Merlin? Merlin.
Was he there? Yeah, it was there. The whole gang was there.
They were all alive? Yeah. The whole gang.
The whole squad was there.

Speaker 7 They're just hanging out. Did you random table? Did you fall back in time as well? Yeah, these holes are falling.

Speaker 7 Space and time is relatively. No, they're sort of like Stargates.
Oh, I don't know what there it is. Oh, okay.
Did you ever see the movie Stargate? Nah.

Speaker 7 It had the guy whose penis was in the crying game. Oh, yeah.
No, I've seen that penis, but I haven't seen the game.

Speaker 7 You haven't seen the crying game? Nah, just the penis online. I've seen the movie, but not the game.
You went to HollywoodPenises.com? I hate the game.

Speaker 7 Don't hate the penis. Hate the game.

Speaker 7 Look.

Speaker 7 Stupid. Stupid.
I mean, I liked it. That's what I say when I like something.
Oh, okay. Isn't that Kiwi slash?

Speaker 7 Yeah, right there.

Speaker 7 So

Speaker 7 you went to Camelot. I went to Kimelot.
It was really nice. Oh my gosh.
Let me tell you, that table is pretty square.

Speaker 7 Isn't that a round? It's not a round. No.

Speaker 7 Like pretty square, when you say pretty square, what do you mean? It's like oblong, you know?

Speaker 7 How many sides did it have? I don't know. It was like a bit of a trapezoid.
Look at a trapezoid. A kind of a trapezoid.

Speaker 7 Yeah, so like it's got two, like parallel, two, one parallel, and then, you know, you haven't seen a trapezoid, right? I mean, occasionally. Looks like the top of a pizza hut.

Speaker 7 Yeah, that's a good way to say it. Yeah, or like a pizza hut slash wing stop.
Right, yeah.

Speaker 7 So it's a pretty square oblong trapezoid. That's right.
Yeah, but it's not random. Here's the crazy thing I've learned from following my horse.
It's like history is written by the winners, huh?

Speaker 7 Oh, yeah.

Speaker 7 So Arthurian Camelot were not winners in that situation. Oh, no, no.
No, who won in that situation? I don't know. I haven't been there before today.
Or yesterday. People who love circles?

Speaker 7 I guess maybe Genghis Con and his voice. Oh, okay.
Yeah. So, what did you do while you were there other than looking at the table? Oh, I hung out.
You know, I was with Merlin. He showed me a stiff.

Speaker 7 It was pretty nice stiff.

Speaker 7 His staff. His staff.
Oh, right, right. Yeah.
He cut it off of a big old tray, you know, and he put a bit of magic inside, and it was like, da-da-bing, da-da-boom, and then he was a wizard.

Speaker 7 Wait a minute. He put magic inside his staff and then he was a wizard? Yeah.
And he's like, dada bing, dada boom.

Speaker 7 Was it like that

Speaker 7 commercial, the bada bing, da da boom commercial?

Speaker 7 No, it was dada bing. Dada boom.
Okay, sorry. Dada bing, dada boom.
Sorry. Yeah, Guinevere, real beauty, bit of a look-a-ha.
Oh, I guess. Yeah, everyone was fighting over.

Speaker 7 Yeah. Yeah.
She was like the healing of Troy, but like of England of a different time. That's a good analogy, I guess.

Speaker 7 I can't ask a question. Yeah.
Do you, of course, Rudy? You don't have to ask me if you can ask that question. No, my.
This is your show, Scott. You are my dog.
You are my best friend.

Speaker 7 Okay. I'm going to ask a question because my boy Scott said I could.

Speaker 7 Do you have a house? Do I have a house? No, see, I have lots of money, so I just stay in hostels. And I'm always traveling.
Because I was saying, like, how do you get back to places?

Speaker 7 Yeah, I just fall upward, back out of the hole, and back into reality. So you float or fly? Oh, no, I fall upward.
I think I explained it pretty clearly. So what do you do?

Speaker 7 Do you like jump into the air sort of? But it's like in reverse. And so I'm going upward instead of down.
Okay, so it's literally just like reversing a videotape.

Speaker 7 Yeah, you know how they say like Australia's down under? Yes. This is like up under.

Speaker 7 Oh, I guess so because Australia is at the bottom of the world, you can just jump up. Yeah, it's in reverse.
Wow.

Speaker 7 So yeah, I come back out of the hall and I realize, oh, I'm where I last was on my travels. Can I ask him a question, Rudy? Dude.

Speaker 7 Is this going to be a whole thing where you cheat with one another before asking questions?

Speaker 7 If you can host. He's not my guest.
He's my best friend. This is my best best friend.
He's also host, though. This is very Scott.
This is a professional situation.

Speaker 7 Scott, to avoid this whole thing, ask away, my man. All right.
You ask away too, alright? We don't. Yeah, we're not.
Do you fall?

Speaker 7 Do you trip and fall and holes happen to be there? Or do you step into the holes and that's why you fall? Yeah, that's a good question. I ask you.
I guess it's like. So you're not sure? I don't know.

Speaker 7 It's like if you're damn. This is something that happens to you literally all the time.
Right. But here's the thing.
Okay, if you're talking to Michael Jordan, right?

Speaker 7 oh, of the Kiwi version, Stan Cran.

Speaker 7 Stan Cran. Yeah, the best basketball player in

Speaker 7 New Zealand basketball? Right. So if you're talking to him, right, and you say, oh, Stan, like, how does your jump shot work?

Speaker 7 He's not going to say, oh, first my elbow comes up and then I release the ball and then I follow through, right? It's just a process that I think.

Speaker 7 Yeah, I believe actually he would very easily watch tape and sort of critique his own form and then adjust. He could even just remember.

Speaker 7 okay this is what i do it's almost as if that example didn't make any sense at all

Speaker 7 i could describe how i do a new thing oh look at ask him ask him anything okay dirk um

Speaker 7 how do you uh eat breakfast well that's really more of a process

Speaker 7 that's not so you're not sure about that i mean come on wait it has to be like one motion okay i lift my arm i get a spoon i lift it with my finger you can lift your arm first and then get a spoon to lift my arm towards the drawer i open the drawer with my grip i get a spoon.

Speaker 7 I open the cabinet with my other grip. Can you talk about your grip? It's a little bit of my fingers tightening around a rod.
Right, it's not like a kung fu grip where it's just ironclad or anything.

Speaker 7 I open the cabinet. I get my cereal, which is um,

Speaker 7 well, I don't want to say.

Speaker 7 You can say the sores will sell out if you say it on the show. Frosted flurries.

Speaker 7 Frosted flurries.

Speaker 7 It's all just the sugar. Yeah.
Right.

Speaker 7 It's a cereal that I make. It's just sugar.

Speaker 7 You make cereal? I make my own cereal. As a hobby or?

Speaker 7 As a passion, yes.

Speaker 7 I scrape off the sugar from frosted flakes and just put it in a bag. And then I buy that.

Speaker 7 You buy it.

Speaker 7 Or how much? I sell it on my lawn every day.

Speaker 7 That does a lot of work. I do a lot of work.
I do 20 pretzels for that. That's right.
For one bag. Yeah.
So, wait a minute.

Speaker 7 It's just because of your cocaine dealing days, you just like to have baggies of white stuff. That's true.
Okay.

Speaker 7 I also have a baby powder business. Oh, okay.

Speaker 7 I put the food in my mouth in a tube. But wait, I...

Speaker 7 Yeah. I still want to know about the whole...
Yeah. But here's the thing.
Okay, so you're suggesting that I'll just carry a videotape around at all times and just either time on it. Not a videotape.

Speaker 7 It's not really a camera. Oh, that's better.
Oh, chicken to the egg, huh? No. No, I think the camera would actually record you together.
That's it. Which came first?

Speaker 7 Let me ask you. Can I ask you a question about Chicken or the Earth? Did you ever see the movie Holes? And if so, did you fall down while you were in the middle of the day? Louis Sicker? Louis Sicker?

Speaker 7 Shia LaBeouf. I know Shia LaBeouf was in it.
Yeah, but the guy who wrote the original novel? Louis Sicker? Louis Secker. Sicker? Saker? Have you read the book? Saka? Sakaw?

Speaker 7 Is that yes or no?

Speaker 7 Saka! Y'all read.

Speaker 7 Y'all read the book. It's pretty good.
Yeah, it's a good one. Yeah.

Speaker 7 Gypsy kiss, mate, book, huh?

Speaker 7 We have no idea what you're saying.

Speaker 7 A gypsy kiss? A gypsy kiss. I got to go.
I got to read that.

Speaker 7 I didn't know. A gypsy kiss is in it? A gypsy kiss.
Oh, curse. Oh, a lot like your husband's book.
Kissing. Thinner is.
Kissing curse. Yeah, that's thinner.
Thinner. Yeah, a gypsy curse and that.

Speaker 7 I never realized those two books have that in common. Oh, but Bixy Christian.
Coaxy put a curse on me, and I

Speaker 7 got thinner. Wait, Stephen King put a curse on you?

Speaker 7 Was thinner like autobiographical? Yes, it was. Oh, my gosh.
I wrote it. You wrote thinner? Autobiographical.
Wait, are you Richard Bachman? Christine is also autobiographical.

Speaker 7 Really? It's a biography of a car.

Speaker 7 So a car rides?

Speaker 7 What about? Kudro. Steve? Is it real? Kudro? Kudo.
Kudra. Police story about Kudra

Speaker 7 when she got ready.

Speaker 7 Written by Stephen King.

Speaker 7 He had to change it a little bit when it finally was published. Well, because the comeback.
Pretty exciting. Wow.
Well, this don't call it the comeback. Don't call it a comeback.

Speaker 7 We'll call it her next show. Kiwi, hey, answer the question, man.
Did you fall down when you were watching Holes? That was a beat of a movie, though, huh? It was a bit of a movie.

Speaker 7 You're dodging this question.

Speaker 7 We are filling the holes in holes. Is that what you fucking want from me? Whoa.
Here's the thing.

Speaker 9 I'm a casual guy. I'm chill.

Speaker 7 But you guys are pushing me, talking about my processes that I don't think about. I'm just who I am, all right? All right, I'm sorry.
I beg your pardon.

Speaker 7 I beg your pardon, Kiwi. I mean, I know you're just like a casual guy who falls in holes.
It doesn't really mean that much to him.

Speaker 7 You hung out with Merlin and Lancelot and Guinevere. Oh, deed.

Speaker 7 And you have barely anything anything to say about it other than the trapezoidal table. Yeah.
It was fun.

Speaker 7 I just had a bit of a freak out, not unlike Stan Cran in the 1995 game where he scored seven points. Wait, that's.

Speaker 7 He was freaking out because it was low or high? He was very high. He's the best basketball player New Zealand's ever had.
Okay. How did he get seven? Did he do a three-pointer or was it a free show?

Speaker 7 It was a free shot. Yeah.

Speaker 7 He got a seven-pointer.

Speaker 7 He got one seven-pointer? Yeah. Kiwi basketball seems very different.
Very nice. But yeah, yeah, big tool.
I said different. You said nice.

Speaker 7 Right.

Speaker 7 Kimberlot's fun, though. I've got more to say about it, but maybe.

Speaker 7 No, no, no, no, no. Go ahead.
You know, can you name other

Speaker 7 knights of the tripzoid to turn it? I know there was an owl. A bit of an owl, yeah.

Speaker 7 There was an owl. Bubo, the robot owl.
Right, the robot. Yeah, I met him.
He was cool. Yeah.
Do you know Lancelot? Bit of a dick. Oh, I like.
What a nice guy. Yeah, he was a knight.

Speaker 7 He was sort of a jock type. Yeah, but

Speaker 7 he's kissing Guinevere on the low. Cursing? Yeah, was he cursing? No, no, no, no.
Kissing.

Speaker 7 When you say on the low, do you mean below the waist? Or do you. He was eating the pussy? He was eating the pussy, but like quietly and secretly.
Quietly. So that makes him a dick?

Speaker 7 Because she's married.

Speaker 7 Hey, man, you got to get down with female pleasure, my man. It's not that.
That shit is tight. R-Speaking of marriage?

Speaker 7 I'm like Tony Soprato. I don't do that.
Okay, all right. I get you.
I get you.

Speaker 7 Writing that down.

Speaker 7 Wait, you're writing that down.

Speaker 7 A good podcast.

Speaker 7 We not write that down.

Speaker 7 Sexual personal thing to share. Exactly.
It's not important to corporate. From friend to friend? A good podcast, so should you pussy stuff?

Speaker 7 You know what? Because you tell me that, I'm going to start. So anyone who wants it here.
TMR. Miss grandchildren?

Speaker 7 Oh, now, how would I? I'm a married woman. Yeah,

Speaker 7 I'm merely offering it. It's not what you think.

Speaker 7 It's available to any guest who wants it. That's all I'm saying.
All I'm saying is. Yes.
She's got a lot of hair down there. Who miss grandchildren? I'm very natural.
Oh, really? Too natural.

Speaker 7 I don't know that anyone can get it. You wouldn't be able to find what you're looking for.
Well, from my ribs. The opposite of you, too.
Or no, I guess it is exactly what you do.

Speaker 7 You can play that song while you go down on her. It's a one-to-one.

Speaker 7 Not to be forward, but I've been in a lot of dense jungles and still found what I'm looking for, so maybe I can. But you're always looking to fall in holes.
No, well, yeah.

Speaker 7 I'm not looking to fall in holes, it's just hippons. So if you ever looked to fall in a hole, would you not be able to fall in a hole? Is it

Speaker 7 chicken and egg? Do you have to sort of like look at chicken and eggs?

Speaker 7 What do we mean when we say that? When we say chicken and eggs,

Speaker 7 is this a TED talk?

Speaker 7 What do we mean? What do we mean?

Speaker 7 We think this is the first time we ever heard this. Oh, a spotlight and a tireless story.

Speaker 7 What do we mean when we say that? Dirk, we don't have time to listen.

Speaker 7 It's only one minute.

Speaker 7 All right, here we go. Here we go.
60 seconds on the person in the audience. And go.
Speak up. We can't hear you.

Speaker 9 This isn't a QA.

Speaker 7 This is part of it. This part of it.
Oh, this is going to go viral. So, the chicken.
What's he doing? 55 seconds left. Hold on.
It took into woman. And that's the end of a round.

Speaker 7 I'm worried about my parking.

Speaker 7 50 seconds left. I'll validate.

Speaker 7 10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1.

Speaker 7 Okay, we're out of time.

Speaker 7 You think? We're out of time. Oh, too bad.
Too bad. We're out of time.

Speaker 7 Very exciting. What should I talk about, ma'am?

Speaker 7 I can't hear you. I'm sorry.

Speaker 7 I guess I didn't get the part. Look, Kiwi, anything else? This is so chaotic.
Anything else you want to say about medieval.

Speaker 7 Yeah, I guess it's like jousting. It's not as fun as you think it is.
Justin? Jousting. Oh, jousting.
Yeah.

Speaker 7 It's not as fun as I think it is. You guys had a lot of trouble in the standing my ex in, huh? Yeah, well, it seems it's either our fault or your fault.
I can't tell. Couldn't be mine.

Speaker 7 Couldn't be at all.

Speaker 7 Jousting is fun, but you know it is fun. It's not as fun as fun.
Jousting is fun, but you know it is fun. There we go.
Yeah, but you do you know?

Speaker 7 Jousting?

Speaker 7 I feel like you gave me the answer. Yeah, but

Speaker 7 jousting is fun, but you know it is fun. Well, it would be bad.
Also, jousting. It would be bad to be on the receiving end of a joust when you get hit with the thing.

Speaker 7 I'm really good at sword fighting, though, a fan. Even though I'm a casual guy, I've got a bit of facility with a sword.
Oh, really? So there's an instructor who sometimes comes through here. Oh?

Speaker 7 A fencing instructor. Fencing?

Speaker 7 I use broad swords. Oh, okay.
Well, I would imagine that there's broad swords. Some of the techniques I think would translate, but I wonder if he'll ever come by here.
Or again. I don't know.

Speaker 7 I haven't seen him in so long. Oh, that open door policy.
I wouldn't be surprised. Yeah.
Well, Daniel could come in here. So did you win a battle?

Speaker 7 Yeah, I won the whole tournament, and they were like, stay, stay, be our new king. And I was like, oh, I was like, beat a new king? Yeah.
What did Arthur have to say about that? Well, I beat him.

Speaker 7 He was like, yeah, you're my new king. And I was like, what?

Speaker 7 I'm getting sucked back up into reality. Did he bend the knee? He bended the knee.
Oh, my gosh.

Speaker 7 So when you say get it down to the ground and bended the night? You were like reverse falling. Uh-huh.
I was like, oh, I just won.

Speaker 7 But then I was getting sucked up back into the reverse hole. Oh my gosh.
That's what I was doing. Like the toilet button reverse.

Speaker 7 That's so unfortunate. Did you want to stay? Oh, it would have been nice, but you know, reality is cool.
I could be more casual up here, stay back in my hospital.

Speaker 7 Yeah, you would have had to wear a crown.

Speaker 7 Oh, yeah. That's not me.
You lived the exact plot of the movie Black Knight. Black Knight

Speaker 7 Lord. Oh, yeah, I've seen it.
He falls in a moat outside of a castle and he just wakes up in medieval times. They're fascinated by how black he is.
And then he comes back. That's it.

Speaker 7 All things considered, they were not there. I said, they were pretty tight.
And it was a black prison. That's crazy.
Hey, you want to talk more about his movie? I would love to.

Speaker 7 Hey, man, Black Knight is tight. How quick we didn't watch Black Knight in the last three years.
We love it so much. They don't have DVDs in the Speed Force.

Speaker 7 I'm so sorry that we don't have that in common, but apparently, like, you and Kiwi, like,

Speaker 7 you know so much about Black Knight? Every time I get another friend, it's like you're threatened by it. Well, this happened to us in Speed Force Valentine's Day, too.
That was a whole other.

Speaker 7 Scott, we can't talk about that right now. Okay, fine.
Look, I'm a little annoyed with Ruby right now. Speed Force Valentine's Day?

Speaker 7 Yeah, Speed Force Valentine's Day, too. Me and Scott were watching it in the Speed Force, and we got to a big old fight, and we don't have time to get into that right now.

Speaker 7 All right, yeah, we don't have time. We do have to go to a break.

Speaker 7 Look, we're going to come right back. We have more surprises.
I don't know who's going to be here.

Speaker 7 We'll have more Dirk Thirsty, more Emily grandchildren, more my sort of estranged best friend, Ruby North, and Kiwi Chris.

Speaker 7 We'll be right back with more comedy bang bang after this.

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Speaker 7 Comedy Bang Bang, we're back here. Dirk Thirsty and Emily Grandchildren from Corporate have been making copious notes during the break.

Speaker 7 Also, Rudy and I, we made up. We made up.

Speaker 7 Yeah, you seem a little downtrodden about it. I feel like we might need to go back to the Speed Force if this friendship is going to work.

Speaker 7 I could use another few years with you just to really solidify this. Do you guys mind if we go back to the Speed Force? Is that okay? I mean, we'll just be gone a millisecond.
Is that okay?

Speaker 7 I mean, it seems very unprofessional. We already went.
We're back.

Speaker 7 Yeah, we're back. Sorry.
We We just went to the Speed Force.

Speaker 7 I didn't want to wait for your answer, so I just made it happen. That was a long one.
Yeah. What was that? 18 years? Yeah, that was 18.
It was, yeah, at least 18. Oh, my gosh.

Speaker 7 You're the godfather to my son. My Speed Force son.
Congratulations, by the way. And

Speaker 7 this bond will never break. So welcome back to Comedy Bang.
It's a shame that your Speed Force son has to stay in the Speed Force while you're here, but. His Speed Force mama got Speed Force custody.

Speaker 7 And I'm so sorry that you guys broke up. What's your Speed Force son's name?

Speaker 7 Speed Force Frank. Okay.
Putting that down. I'm writing that down.
I will be talking about that. I've got a lot of notes.
And what is Speed Force Frank's

Speaker 7 mother's name? Oh, her name? It's too long to pronounce. Yeah, I mean, it takes just like a couple of seconds in the Speed Force, but here...
We'll give you extra time to pronounce it. Yes, go ahead.

Speaker 7 Now, we don't. I mean,

Speaker 7 it would take six months to say the whole thing. Well, say the first second of it.
I'm going to take you to the Speed Force and say it. Ready?

Speaker 7 All right, we'll back.

Speaker 7 How long were you guys gone?

Speaker 7 I feel completely changed forever by

Speaker 7 the way. Rudy, you went to the speed force?

Speaker 7 Yeah, I did have to just tell him the name. It was like six.
Dirk, are you all right? I've seen three minutes, so it's fine.

Speaker 7 It was only six or seven minutes. Hold on a second.
I think Jerk is having a hard time. My heart feels like a rock.
Oh, like normal.

Speaker 7 Wait, you just farted. Nermon.
Okay, you're fine. We good, we good.
All right. Also, Kiwi Chris is here.
Yeah, like Dora the Explorer, but casual.

Speaker 7 That's a good description of you.

Speaker 7 We need to get to our next guest.

Speaker 7 Oh, this is interesting. I don't have any information about them other than their name,

Speaker 7 but please welcome to the show Andre P. Newer.

Speaker 9 How are you doing?

Speaker 7 Hi, Andre. How are you? I'm good.
How are you? How are you?

Speaker 9 I'm good. Call me by my full name, please.
Andre P.

Speaker 7 Newer?

Speaker 9 Yes. My mother didn't name me Andre P.
Newer for nothing. Wow.

Speaker 7 Okay, I beg your pardon.

Speaker 7 I guess it's a custom in human beings to only call someone by half their name.

Speaker 9 Well, I'm not like other human beings. I'm an entree pie.

Speaker 7 This must have come up so many times in your life. I'm not sure why you're so upset about it right now.
Because I'm hot. All right? I'm hot.
You're coming in hot here.

Speaker 9 I'm coming in hot. It's hot outside.
I'm hot inside.

Speaker 7 Okay, it's so nice to meet you. I'm Scott.
I'm the host of the show. We've never met before.
Scott, last name of the list. I beg your pardon.
Scott David Ackerman.

Speaker 9 Scott David Auckerman.

Speaker 7 Good to meet you. Okay.

Speaker 7 This is Kiwi Chris. I believe that's his full name.
Oh, yeah. What? Good to see you.
And Rudy North. Of course, I know that's his full name.
It's Rudimentary North. Rudimentary.

Speaker 7 I believe you forgot that.

Speaker 7 It's okay. It's okay.
I'm sorry, but it was 18 years ago. I know.
You just reminded me. That never came up in the last 18 years.

Speaker 7 Sorry. Andre, how you doing?

Speaker 7 Excuse me. Who are you? Andre P.
Noor. I'm good.

Speaker 9 I'm good. And who are these two?

Speaker 7 This is Dirk Thurstie. I'm Dirk Thurston.
And Emily Grandchildren. They're from corporate.
They work for RC Cola. We're here to monitor the show, and we're going to to report back on what we hear.

Speaker 9 You work for corporate, you say?

Speaker 7 Yeah, I'm going to sit here.

Speaker 9 Okay, are you looking to invest in some businesses?

Speaker 7 Oh, sorry, they just sneezed.

Speaker 7 Sorry.

Speaker 7 Sorry, please ask your question again.

Speaker 9 Are you interested in looking to purchase some businesses?

Speaker 9 Are you interested in looking to purchase some businesses?

Speaker 7 Yes. We are interested in looking to purchase some businesses.
Yes.

Speaker 7 So what were the first steps?

Speaker 7 Well, we're going to think about looking.

Speaker 7 We think about looking. We're interested in that.

Speaker 7 Have you thought past that?

Speaker 7 No, not yet. We're at the beginning.

Speaker 9 There are a lot of places to look.

Speaker 7 So you have to get all those places. Get all your ducks and drinks.

Speaker 9 I have a great business I would love for you to consider thinking about investing in.

Speaker 7 Oh.

Speaker 9 It is a platform for people to interact with one and another.

Speaker 7 Ooh.

Speaker 7 Like on the internet, a social media platform, do you mean?

Speaker 9 You've never seen nothing like it before. It is, you can put photographs

Speaker 7 captions as well put put put photographs where sounds like Instagram

Speaker 7 or a screen

Speaker 9 does Instagram include captions I've heard that a few times it sounds like but these are old photos so old they're not eligible for Instagram's Throwback Thursday oh

Speaker 7 I forget what the cutoff point is what what is the cutoff year for throwback if your photo is older than 40 years you can't put up there for throwback thirds. I forgot that's in the terms of service.

Speaker 7 I forgot. I can't get my baby picture to stay.
Never seen a TBT from Civil Rights era, huh? Yes.

Speaker 9 Whatever he just said, sure.

Speaker 9 Are you interested in looking to invest in?

Speaker 7 You're interested in thinking about rules. Yes, exactly.
I can't tell. Is it on the internet? Is it a social media platform or is it a literal platform?

Speaker 9 You go on, I don't know the answer to your question, Scott David Ackerman, but you go on

Speaker 9 to the web.

Speaker 7 It's a

Speaker 7 spider web or are we talking about the actual world? We're on a spider web.

Speaker 9 That's something that.

Speaker 7 Will it be any spider web or is it a specific world?

Speaker 9 Well, now you're putting words into my mouth.

Speaker 9 You can have whatever.

Speaker 7 Please put words into your mouth. It helps us make sense of you.

Speaker 9 Words come out of my mouth. They don't go back in, honey.

Speaker 7 I understand the words that are coming out of your mouth. Your mouth is exit only.
Maybe you understand the words that are coming out of my mouth.

Speaker 7 I understand the words that are coming out of your mouth.

Speaker 7 Rudy, what movie is that from? Oh, what? What movie is that? That's obviously a movie reference. No.
You saw another movie without me? Okay, I saw a rush hour. Right? Is that it? Rush Hour?

Speaker 7 Rush Hour 2. Rush Hour 2.

Speaker 9 I have an idea for you.

Speaker 7 I think they did it for me as well. You do.
Yes. We were moving on from this platform.

Speaker 9 Well, y'all don't seem to understand it.

Speaker 7 Oh, well, you were just talking about it.

Speaker 7 You were describing something. You already wanted to control.

Speaker 9 Oh, no. You telling me that there's a platform where you could put photos that are older than 40 years old?

Speaker 7 Multiple.

Speaker 9 Name one.

Speaker 7 Facebook.

Speaker 9 He's going down.

Speaker 7 Okay, okay. Do you know something that we know? Whoa, whoa, okay.

Speaker 9 Mark Zuckerberg is going down with the government.

Speaker 7 Please use his full name.

Speaker 9 Mark Anthony Zuckerberg.

Speaker 7 By the way,

Speaker 7 what does the P stand for in your name, and why aren't you insisting I use that? It is just P. Oh, it's just.
Oh, it's P-E-E?

Speaker 7 The home retail.

Speaker 7 Like that famous tape?

Speaker 7 It's P P-E-E capital E. The last one is a capital E.
So it's bookended by some capitals. The feed tape.

Speaker 7 People.

Speaker 7 So you're

Speaker 7 you're pitching. So you're saying Facebook's going down, so you're pitching a replacement to that.

Speaker 9 No, it's not a replacement. What I do is original.

Speaker 7 Say that again? Original. So people will not do the same things they did on Facebook.
They will do totally separate things. Yes.
This will not be a substitute for friends.

Speaker 9 Yes. People will talk to their parents.
People will accept friend requests from their grandparents.

Speaker 7 Can I ask you a question, Andre P. Newer?

Speaker 7 Yes. Have you ever been on Facebook?

Speaker 9 I've seen it from a distance. Sure.

Speaker 7 How far of a distance? Like a football field?

Speaker 9 At a coffee shop over a young man who... I spoke to him.
He said he was a writer. Okay.
But he spent the whole time on Facebook.

Speaker 7 Oh, that's pretty common here in Los Angeles. One of the features of your website is I can accept a friend request from my grandparents.

Speaker 7 Precisely.

Speaker 9 And you put that in a pitch.

Speaker 7 You're pitching it. Precisely.
And you can also.

Speaker 7 That's the second thing in your business.

Speaker 9 If you're not.

Speaker 7 You're front-loading your pitch with this.

Speaker 9 If you're not looking to invest in my product, I have other products.

Speaker 7 Tell us your idea for the movie.

Speaker 9 A black and an Asian man.

Speaker 9 A black, period, and an Asian man.

Speaker 7 Two. It's a first sentence, a black.

Speaker 9 A black, period. That's subject, predicate, verb, all of it.

Speaker 7 Okay? Yep. Yes.
And an Indian.

Speaker 9 And an Asian man, they're police. Okay.
Okay? And they're going to.

Speaker 7 And

Speaker 7 can I ask, does someone not understand words that are coming out of someone's mouth? Sure. Sure.

Speaker 9 So is it a sequel? No, it's called Hush Hour.

Speaker 7 Okay. Because the other person.

Speaker 9 Now, hold up. Have you seen A Quieter Place?

Speaker 7 I've seen A Quiet Place.

Speaker 9 I don't know what that is, but a Quieter Place is

Speaker 9 a movie about a family.

Speaker 9 And they are in, I feel like I'm in church.

Speaker 7 I'm not.

Speaker 7 Pitch. Church.
Pitch on.

Speaker 7 Say? Pitch on. Let the spirit of the pitcher get inside you now.

Speaker 9 I feel the bitch coming inside me. Yes.
Yes, Lord. Use me, God.

Speaker 7 Okay.

Speaker 9 The pitch for a quieter place.

Speaker 9 A family in a sound studio. One, the father is trying to record a mixer tape.

Speaker 7 A mixer tape?

Speaker 7 He wants to record his mixer. This actually genuinely sounds like a cool original one.

Speaker 9 Thank you. Wait, why am I talking like this now?

Speaker 7 See, it rubs off on you, don't it? It's pretty cocky, eh?

Speaker 9 My time is.

Speaker 7 I'm the Irish.

Speaker 7 Your time is of the essence.

Speaker 9 Of the ebony.

Speaker 7 That's my magazine.

Speaker 7 That's my magazine of choice. Can we begin a quick bit of a question about Russia airworthy? Sure.

Speaker 9 Push hour. Push hour.

Speaker 7 Can the Chinese guy touch the bleak guy's radio or no?

Speaker 9 Wait, he is she. The Chinese man don't have no hands in this one.

Speaker 7 Oh.

Speaker 9 He's so in fact he can't.

Speaker 7 Why is he Chinese? Why did you assume he's Chinese?

Speaker 7 I'm from New Zealand. It's the only Asian folks who are here.

Speaker 7 Okay, she just said Asian.

Speaker 9 I did just say Asian, but I appreciate your help, Australian.

Speaker 7 Keeway, big difference. Kiwi.
You see, but that's exactly what you just did with Chinese and Asian.

Speaker 7 I was trying to make a point.

Speaker 9 Do you see?

Speaker 7 Oh, very good, Entre P.

Speaker 9 Newer. Thank you very much.

Speaker 7 Point received.

Speaker 9 Well, if y'all, does anyone have just like Dirk's beard here?

Speaker 7 Point received.

Speaker 9 The end of it. What did you just put in your coat?

Speaker 7 My beard. Yeah.
As you can see, Dirk's rainbow-colored beard comes to a point at the end of it.

Speaker 9 Oh, I see.

Speaker 7 As you can see.

Speaker 9 Does anyone have any interest in considering these businesses for funding?

Speaker 7 Let's move on to a different business because I'm not sure. I don't have interest in considering that.
We're looking to be interested in considering this. We are looking.
Looking, looking.

Speaker 7 Oh, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look. Stop drinking.
I have a chicken.

Speaker 7 I might be interested in a more original idea. Sure.
These ideas sound fun, but they are a little different.

Speaker 9 I didn't want to do this on this podcast, but

Speaker 9 I didn't want to out this idea because I don't have the patent just yet. It is pending.
It's pending.

Speaker 7 Okay, well, that's good, though, that it's pending because no one can swoop in there. I've never heard of something patent pending that someone was like got in there, you know, a little earlier.

Speaker 9 Well, this one is, oh, this is, this is going to be my claim to fame.

Speaker 7 Oh, okay. I can't wait.
Great.

Speaker 9 A, a, uh, rectangular-shaped object with four to five seats inside of it,

Speaker 9 a wheel in front of one seat.

Speaker 7 A wheel.

Speaker 7 Look, you're, you're describing a car right now. Horrible.
Hold on, hold on.

Speaker 7 Describing a car.

Speaker 7 What does it do? it do?

Speaker 7 What does it do? What is it about?

Speaker 7 What is this about?

Speaker 9 The person, somebody will sit in the car.

Speaker 7 Oh, everyone.

Speaker 7 You just said car.

Speaker 7 You pitched a car. You know what a car is.

Speaker 7 You're just copying ideas.

Speaker 9 No, the devil doesn't got inside me.

Speaker 7 You said car.

Speaker 9 You said car, and you planted a seed of doubt in my mind.

Speaker 7 I beg your pardon. I'm sorry.
I don't mean to get in your hand.

Speaker 9 To my stomach.

Speaker 7 Until you said car, I genuinely thought you were describing a table, but with like a spinning wheel on one end. No, tables are trapezoids.
I thought it was

Speaker 7 one of those theme park rides that's in the water where there's a big wheel and you sit around spin.

Speaker 9 Well, this is the problem with pitching your ideas is that people have already tried to determine what it is you're pitching before letting you get to the end.

Speaker 9 You thought it was a car. You thought it was a tabler.
You thought it was an amusement park or ride.

Speaker 7 It's true, but as the immortal bard once said, there's nothing new under the sun. Maybe every idea.

Speaker 9 The Bible says that as well.

Speaker 9 Oh, really? In Ecclesiastes.

Speaker 7 Did Shakespeare rip off the Bible?

Speaker 9 Yes, he did. Everybody's ripping off the Bible every chance they get.
Shaking it.

Speaker 7 What came first? Jesus or

Speaker 7 the Bible, yeah, exactly.

Speaker 9 Ask yourself that.

Speaker 9 That being said, Jesus. Okay, well, that's up to you.
Clear to me, the devil is using you, sir.

Speaker 7 Sir, can I say, I've got a lot of gold from my travels, and I'm looking to invest. Yeah, he's very rich.
He's so rich, he stays at hostels. I stay in hostels.
I don't have it home. Okay.

Speaker 7 I live in hostels. Okay.
So I've got this bag of gold right here, right? It's big

Speaker 7 double.

Speaker 7 And you've taken this from ancient civilizations. Yeah, this is from my time in

Speaker 7 Babylon. Right, yeah.
In Babylon. Okay.

Speaker 9 You ever read about Babylon in the Bible, though?

Speaker 7 Well,

Speaker 7 you know,

Speaker 7 no, no. Yeah.
You haven't read the Bible? I haven't read it because I went back to when it was being written and I was like, let me get in here. You just saw it for yourself.
Okay.

Speaker 9 Okay. So

Speaker 9 what are you presenting proposedly to me?

Speaker 7 Well, I'm saying that he's, I just want to double my money so I can continue to live in hostels. So here's a bag of gold.
What would you do with it?

Speaker 7 Yeah, what's his return on, you know, can he get two bags of gold for whatever idea you have?

Speaker 9 Well, the people that I invest who invest in me, I should say, are taking a leap of faith.

Speaker 7 That I will.

Speaker 7 I mean, Kiwi takes a lot of

Speaker 9 God.

Speaker 7 Kiwi Chris takes a lot of leaps. Yeah.
Backwards and forwards. You can fall into a leap of fight.

Speaker 9 Okay. Well, here's the thing.
You can't ask me, ask not what I can do for you. Just ask me what I can do with your money.

Speaker 7 That's what I'm asking you. What can you do with my money? It seems like you're stalling, Andre P.
Newer. I have ideas for days.

Speaker 9 Be ye not mistook. I have ideas for days.

Speaker 7 You seem like a very religious person, are you?

Speaker 9 No, I'm not into religion.

Speaker 7 Not my cup of mind. Not your thing.
You're agnostic.

Speaker 9 In fact, I'm an atheist.

Speaker 7 Oh, wow. Okay.
You definitively know. The Lord does use this atheist.

Speaker 9 I know for a fact.

Speaker 9 That being said.

Speaker 7 Why do you believe in the devil?

Speaker 9 I do. The devil is active.

Speaker 7 The devil is active. What a shame that we just got the one and we didn't get the other.
We just got the devil. Pure evil.

Speaker 9 Pure evil. That's it.

Speaker 7 Let me tell you. Yeah.

Speaker 9 Look, this is what I do with your money, Kiwi Christopher.

Speaker 9 I will.

Speaker 7 It's not my name, but okay. It's Kiwi Stopher Chris.

Speaker 7 Right. That's my full name.

Speaker 7 Kiwi Kiwister.

Speaker 9 So y'all are telling me some of these things exist already. For instance, a carver.

Speaker 7 Yes.

Speaker 7 Heavily established at this point. Everything you've pitched exists.

Speaker 9 Fantastic. How, in these times, these dark times, the end times, do we.

Speaker 7 Before what happens?

Speaker 7 Before

Speaker 9 Satan comes back.

Speaker 7 Okay, okay.

Speaker 7 But there's no religion, nothing happens after that. Just nothing.
Also, where is he right now?

Speaker 9 Oh, he is in San Antonio, Texas.

Speaker 7 Oh, it just comes back to LA?

Speaker 9 Satan is a big fan of tacos, let me tell you. I had a taco with him.
Anyway, that's neither here nor visiting.

Speaker 7 We don't have time to get into that, much like Rudy's backstory.

Speaker 9 I want to get this gold.

Speaker 9 What I want, you saying cars already exist.

Speaker 9 You said I'll take your word for it.

Speaker 7 Okay, thank you.

Speaker 9 If that is the case, that a car is already a thing,

Speaker 9 I would like to create a place where one can go to fuel said thing.

Speaker 9 So there's an establishment. It's kind of like a rectangle.

Speaker 7 Could it be a trip?

Speaker 7 Do you start with the rectangle usually with all your ideas?

Speaker 9 Life is a bunch of rectangles.

Speaker 7 Look around in this studio. For a while.
I have is a bunch of rectangles.

Speaker 9 I have several rectangles in here. Your body is a rectangle.

Speaker 7 And the jungle here song. Your body is a rectangle.
Oh, I love that. Lose my

Speaker 7 Scott.

Speaker 7 Hey, Scott, can I talk to you over here for a second? Yeah, Rudy, you guys. Yeah.
What's up, buddy? Hey, Scott.

Speaker 7 What's going on? There's this big ass. There's a big old bag of gold in the room.
Yeah, I know. And my dirtbag senses are going off.

Speaker 7 Please don't punch anyone in the throat. Throat punch.
I want to throw punch all these people.

Speaker 7 Throat punch.

Speaker 7 I want to throw punch everyone in the room, and I want to take the gold, Scott. No, you don't have to throw punch anyone.
I'm a dirtbag Scott. I know you are, but you could just move really fast.

Speaker 7 You have the powers of the flash. You could just steal it without throw punching anyone.

Speaker 9 Kiwi, Christopher.

Speaker 9 Might I take a moment with you?

Speaker 7 Key Whistopher, Chris.

Speaker 9 Oh, Kiwistopher.

Speaker 9 Can I take a moment with you in the corner here?

Speaker 7 Sure, yeah.

Speaker 9 They plotting to steal your gold.

Speaker 7 What?

Speaker 9 They plotting to steal your gold. Why don't you just.

Speaker 9 People are evil. The devil is active.

Speaker 7 Look.

Speaker 9 Why don't you just give it to me?

Speaker 7 I will

Speaker 9 keep it for you.

Speaker 7 Key Whistopher?

Speaker 7 She's trying to get you to invest in a gas station.

Speaker 7 It already exists. No, listen to me.

Speaker 9 Hear me out. I didn't want to tell them this.
I've never invented anything in my life.

Speaker 9 We figured it out.

Speaker 7 We knew. We knew.

Speaker 7 What?

Speaker 9 I don't want them to know.

Speaker 7 But you said that. Why did you take all of our mics?

Speaker 7 Give my mic.

Speaker 7 Give me the shit. Give me the shit back.
Give me a shit.

Speaker 9 Taking my bike. I just wanted to check it for the technology inside of Henceworth 4-2.

Speaker 7 You can't steal this idea. You can't invent microphones.
Yeah.

Speaker 7 Well, things are getting out of control here. I'm taking notes on this.
You know,

Speaker 7 I'm a little worried about your show.

Speaker 7 This isn't looking good.

Speaker 7 Well, look, guys. So did you do your accents? Guys, look.

Speaker 7 Look, Rudy, don't throw punch anyone. Don't steal any gold.
We have one guest to get to. I really need to win over corporate, okay?

Speaker 7 I think this guest is, I mean, I just want to have a nice, pleasant talk show here.

Speaker 7 We've been doing the show for nine years. It seems like I've never done just a normal episode other than maybe the Seth Rogan episode and that Mark Marin episode.

Speaker 7 But, you know, I just want to have a nice Scott. You know what? You're right.

Speaker 7 I'm going to get out of your way. I want everyone in this room to get out of Scott's way.
Be supportive. Be supportive.
This next interview is going to be a terrible show. Okay.

Speaker 7 I just want to have a nice, pleasant, light conversation. Okay, let's get to our next guest.
Engineer Brett's handing me our next guest. And oh, no.

Speaker 7 What is it?

Speaker 7 Our next guest. Is it James Corden?

Speaker 7 Jims Kimmel? It's not that bad. Is it Jim's Kimmel?

Speaker 7 Is it James Fallon, James Kimmel, or James Fallon? No, it's this person who recently died. Craig Ferguson.
No, Craig Ferguson's still with us.

Speaker 7 What did I just say about the interview?

Speaker 7 Please welcome back to the show, Charlie Manson. Oh, no, no.
Probably not. Serial killer at Charlie Manson.
It is the famous bed. It is.

Speaker 7 Oh, no. Hello, Hello, Scott.
There's a fucking ghost in here, man.

Speaker 7 Yes, I remember.

Speaker 7 Why are you so surprised by things like this? It's a good, good, good, ghost. Yeah, I have to say,

Speaker 7 it really hurts my feelings to float into a room and have everybody say, oh, no. Well, Charlie Manson, I mean, you were only on the show one time.
Yeah. And it was very quickly after you had died.

Speaker 7 Yeah, I died basically immediately. Almost as if we had recorded it before you died and then had to release it

Speaker 7 after I died. Right, so there was a lot of confusion there.
But now you have died, you are a ghost. You are definitively a ghost now.

Speaker 7 Yeah.

Speaker 7 Okay. And what are you doing here? Oh, well, you know, last time I was here, I was going through my bucket list because I was about to die.

Speaker 7 Yeah, you would set up your mop, you would carve the squasticate into the squasticate. You would do a mop in order to get it.
Hold the covers up to my forehead.

Speaker 7 Everybody said, that's old Charlie Manson. Classic switcheroo.
It was a classic switcheroo. No throat punches, but a classic switcheroo nonetheless.
I know I don't punch.

Speaker 7 Excuse me. Sorry, go ahead.

Speaker 7 And

Speaker 7 boy, I thought once I turned into a ghost, I would be home free. But I have so many obligations.
I've got so much on my business. What did I tell you?

Speaker 9 The devil is that.

Speaker 7 Yeah. Are you trapped on this earth until you complete some of your business? You bet I am.
I have to walk around this earth until I finish my business.

Speaker 7 And one of my big points of business was going on a podcast for the second time. To clear up all of the confusion.

Speaker 7 Yeah, I've been on a couple podcasts once, but I've never been asked back.

Speaker 7 Okay. I did a Doughboys.
Oh, you did? Yeah. It was an Arby's.
It was our RBs. It was tight.
Yeah, it was R. I had never been to an Arby's.

Speaker 7 Did I heard you on December Life? Yeah,

Speaker 7 I told a story. It sounds like you've been on a lot of podcasts.
I heard you on Savage Love, talking about your relationship and shooting. Yeah.
You should have been on Serial, the original podcast.

Speaker 7 I tried and they wouldn't let me. Is that why you killed all those people to get on serial before it was around? I thought it would really be helpful.
I was like, oh, I know one day,

Speaker 7 there's a baby called Sarah Koenig,

Speaker 7 and one day she's going to be a cracker jack crime reporter.

Speaker 7 Charlie, Charlie, I feel like I have to jump in here. To be fair to Charlie, he never killed anyone.
That's true, I guess. Stop throwing around accusations.

Speaker 7 But they found him culpable and they put it, they they locked him away. It's different, though, isn't it? In the eyes of the law.
What do you mean? In the eyes of the law. In whose eyes are yours?

Speaker 7 People are actually killed.

Speaker 7 I think that deserves.

Speaker 7 Why are you an apologist for Charlie Manson? I don't, well, I mean, what he, when Charlie died, I mean, you are someone who

Speaker 7 saw their parents murdered right in front of them.

Speaker 7 Exactly. And so I know the difference when someone is killing someone and when they're not.
And so there are a lot of people standing around when my parents were murdered.

Speaker 7 I can't, I'd love to say that they killed Charlie. Wait, but

Speaker 7 did they give more orders? Yes, but that's not the same thing. Those people aren't responsible.

Speaker 7 Listen, I remember when Charlie died, there were a lot of people on Twitter, and I was so glad to see this. Very quick to say, Charles Manson never actually killed anyone.

Speaker 7 And I thought it was great they were making that. I love Twitter.

Speaker 7 What's your handle? Emily Grandchildren won. Okay, well, make sure that.
Someone got their ahead of me. Make sure to look you up.

Speaker 7 So it seems like you would have way more important things to do, Charlie. I mean, you know, there's Roman Polanski.
There's the, you know, the.

Speaker 7 What about him? I don't know. Didn't he have something to do with all this? I finished.
That's all business. I finished.
I had done. You seemed to have a very poor grasp on

Speaker 7 what happened back in the day. There's Roman Polanski.
Look, I never read Helter Skelter because I had a roommate who

Speaker 7 kept it in a trunk in his closets with a lot of other Charles Manson memorabilia. Why did they make it that that was the only way we could find out about that story?

Speaker 7 They just confined it to that book. Look, I didn't look up the Wikipedia.

Speaker 7 Wikipedia. Wikipedia.

Speaker 7 Wikipedia is irresponsible. I wouldn't recommend it.

Speaker 7 So

Speaker 7 you came back here to be on the show?

Speaker 7 Okay, well, thank you. Well, thank you.
You're the only one who would let me back.

Speaker 7 But I can't stay long. I'm very busy.
I got to do so many other things. Okay, well, bye.

Speaker 7 By the way, the only reason you were able to get in here, I didn't have you back, it's this open door policy that you have to do. Well, I will say, she didn't really come in.

Speaker 7 I mean, he didn't really come in through the door i mean i came in through the door yeah but but man just sort of phased through it yeah how if we if we close this door

Speaker 7 for the 10 for the 10th year and beyond what i mean is this how is this going to affect ghosts and then also people like rudy who can phase through things i got the powers of the flesh you'll get you should have i mean i you would have all ghosts which i think would be a terrific lineup better than usual you're

Speaker 9 me here you wouldn't have me yeah you're you're very much alive oh no no no and i don't do ghosts

Speaker 7 You don't think you're going to turn into a ghost when you die? Oh, no, honey.

Speaker 7 Are you afraid right now?

Speaker 7 Shooketh. Coffee.

Speaker 7 Well, not everybody gets to turn into a ghost when you die. I don't know if any of you know this because none of you are dead.
Well, Andre P. Newer thinks that nothing happens after we die.

Speaker 7 Yeah, other than turning into a ghost if you're a certain type of person. Yeah, and I can't die.

Speaker 7 Well, what happens is you go to heaven and you get a choice. You can be a ghost, a skeleton,

Speaker 7 or a lizard.

Speaker 7 So, wait, you can. Ghost, skeleton, or lizard?

Speaker 7 All different, all scary lizards. Lizard, big old lizard.
Well, a small one, not a big one. No, I'm not talking iguana.
I'm not talking monovoir lizard. No, the little

Speaker 7 gecko. I'm not even a gecko.
I'm a dry desert lizard. When you went to heaven?

Speaker 7 Yeah, everybody, it's a misnomer. Everybody goes.

Speaker 7 Yeah, everybody goes, but not everybody stays. So you all

Speaker 7 have a question. Oh, sure.
Every Every grandchildren are C. Cola.

Speaker 7 And my grandchildren won on Twitter.

Speaker 7 So I hate when people take this. Give them a follow.
Are you two?

Speaker 7 I'll do follow back. Okay, great.

Speaker 7 When you say one of the choices is skeleton,

Speaker 7 is it an animated skeleton that walks around or is it just a skeleton? Or do you mean the skeleton that goes into the earth that everyone's going to be? No, a Halloween skeleton.

Speaker 7 Oh, spooky skeleton.

Speaker 7 Something a teacher puts up on a bulletin board. Yeah, which could be fun if you get put in a good place.

Speaker 7 Can you dance now? Your skillets. Can you do one of those

Speaker 7 jigs or like doing the kick lines with other skeletons?

Speaker 7 Well, only if someone holds you up and makes you dance. Oh, or if you're lucky enough to be battery-operated.

Speaker 7 Can someone take your bones and then pound on your skull almost like, you know, and it sounds like a xylophone? Unfortunately, people can do whatever they please, guys.

Speaker 7 Exactly. Someone can do any kind of little mermaid song.

Speaker 7 So now you can see why I opted not to be. Yeah, because you have no longer agency over your own body.
No, you don't.

Speaker 7 But you're sentient. You're aware that all these things are happening.
You can see and feel and hear everything. You cannot communicate, though.
No,

Speaker 7 you can only communicate if, again, you're lucky enough to be battery operated and you can say, woo,

Speaker 7 or chatter. You know, some skeletons say, keep out.
Troy, can I ask? Yeah. Who would choose that option? That seems nauseous to me, I can't do it.
Kelly Teller is a skeleton. Killing Killer.

Speaker 9 Helen is

Speaker 7 damn. Well, she can see now, finally.
Well, can she hear?

Speaker 7 Skeletons don't have eyes, Scott. But wait, I thought that you said it was pleasant to look at.
I was talking about Helen Keller thing as skeleton.

Speaker 7 Oh my gosh.

Speaker 7 We fragmented.

Speaker 7 That's what it's about. That is certainly what it's about.

Speaker 7 Well, this is, I mean. President Roosevelt, a skeleton.
Andre P. Neur, I don't know if this is shaking your very belief system, I mean.

Speaker 9 Well, what did I tell you I was before?

Speaker 7 You were an atheist who didn't.

Speaker 7 Shooketh, right?

Speaker 9 Oh, shook his atheist.

Speaker 7 You know, yeah, I had to pick between shooketh and atheist, and I picked atheist. It was a 50-50 chance, though.
You got to give it a shot. Sure, sure.

Speaker 9 I like that you know Mather.

Speaker 9 So, uh,

Speaker 9 now that I'm here in the presence of a ghost, I would like to ask a question or two.

Speaker 7 Please, the floor is yours.

Speaker 9 When you got to heaven, what did you see, you claim you saw?

Speaker 7 It was

Speaker 7 wonderfully lit. It looked like a

Speaker 7 big IKEA. It looked like

Speaker 7 the big IKEA in Burbank.

Speaker 7 It was lit.

Speaker 7 Not lit like fun, lit like. It was not fun? It wasn't fun? No, it wasn't fun at all.
I'll say the Ikea in Burbank is lit as hell.

Speaker 7 IKEA in Burbank is fun. She's super lit.

Speaker 7 It's so fun to be in that.

Speaker 9 Whoa, yeah.

Speaker 9 You know,

Speaker 9 if what Charles says is true,

Speaker 7 and I

Speaker 7 take him at his word, though, because a killer. Trust me, me, well, that is true.
I am a delegator. I'm not a killer.
I'm a terrific manager. Well, Charles.
You're like a project manager.

Speaker 7 Yes, yeah, creative director, perhaps.

Speaker 9 Creative director, you say. Have you ever started a business?

Speaker 7 It's one of my elements of unfinished businesses. I never started a business.
Oh,

Speaker 7 this is perfect.

Speaker 9 Do you have money?

Speaker 7 I have ghost money, which is all bats. Ghost money? What's the exchange rate with Speed Force money at ghost ghost money?

Speaker 7 And what's the exchange rate with pretzels as well? Yeah. Because, yeah, we need to get a lot of fun.
How many pretzels is it? How many pretzels? One bat is 10 pretzels. 10 pretzels.

Speaker 7 That's a good price. Okay.
Yeah, this is not bad.

Speaker 9 Okay. Have y'all ever seen that comedy special when the man says, These pretzels are making me thirst?

Speaker 7 Actually,

Speaker 7 I believe we talked about it. You should mention it.
It is funny because actually Emily's husband loves to do that. It's true.
My husband's Stephen King. He does just say that.
He wishes he was funny.

Speaker 7 He wishes he was Seinfeld. Oh,

Speaker 9 who?

Speaker 7 Stephen King wishes he was funny.

Speaker 9 Cannon, sure. Sure.

Speaker 7 It's definitely Cannon.

Speaker 9 Sure.

Speaker 7 Well, it's on the Wikipedia.

Speaker 7 I have an idea.

Speaker 7 Oh, you got an idea?

Speaker 9 WikiPD. I do have an idea, and I think it looks like y'all are fans of pretzels around here.
That seemed to have gotten you.

Speaker 7 Oh, definitely. Yeah, pretzels.
It's been mentioned many times.

Speaker 7 Okay,

Speaker 9 I think we should maybe consider, if anyone has the money for such an idea,

Speaker 9 pretzels with a a substance, a peanut butter inside of the pretzel.

Speaker 7 Okay.

Speaker 7 Charlie butter pretzels.

Speaker 7 Yeah.

Speaker 7 You're not even describing a high. Like it's not even a cool, good business.

Speaker 7 I think it sounds like a terrific idea. I'll give you 400,000 bats.

Speaker 9 Your money is useless to me.

Speaker 7 400,000 bats is 10 times that in pretzels.

Speaker 7 That's 4 million pretzels.

Speaker 7 That's actually. You can use those pretzels to start your pretzels.

Speaker 7 And if you have a contract like mine, that's $4 million.

Speaker 7 What?

Speaker 7 Okay.

Speaker 7 I'm asking. Think of how it's going to be.
Because I was supposed to be paid in pretzels. You can make thirsty with that many pretzels.

Speaker 9 Then maybe I'll create a clear substance that people can drink.

Speaker 7 Like a clear. Oh, peanut butter, I was going to say.
Because I'm interested in a clear peanut butter. Peanut butter.

Speaker 7 Like a gel over your face. Yeah, so it looks like the gel that you, you know, when you're getting like an ultrasound.
God, it already exists. It's ghost peanut butter.
Ghost peanut butter.

Speaker 7 All I can get is,

Speaker 7 I can't tell you how much I just want brown peanut butter. Oh, this is crazy.
I'm just chowing down on the brown peanut butter. If I want to chow down on brown.

Speaker 7 I hate when it's tan.

Speaker 7 I just want a good

Speaker 7 spoonful of brown pee bee.

Speaker 7 God damn it. You want to go to brown town and chow down.

Speaker 7 See, these are the only people. It's too busy.

Speaker 9 Don't be. Don't know.
Don't be. be ye not mistook.
They're talking about eating X.

Speaker 7 Hop onrepre P. Newer.
I'm kidding. Comedy Bang Bang got back on track for the last interview.

Speaker 9 They're talking about eating S. Scott, David Auckerman.

Speaker 7 Yes, Andre P. Newer.

Speaker 9 You said you have $4 million per episode.

Speaker 7 Well, no, I'm saying that if you get $4 million bats, you can, if you have my particular contract, which is I get paid in dollars instead of pretzels, it was.

Speaker 9 How many dollars? I know it's not cool.

Speaker 7 Look, we're not bringing it back to how much money I make.

Speaker 9 How much per episode?

Speaker 9 Have you considered possibly thinking about investing in a business?

Speaker 7 Christopher is the one with all the money. Heck nobody wants my gold.

Speaker 9 I can't do that.

Speaker 7 What is it about, man? I want your gold.

Speaker 7 Oh, God. Oh.
Sorry, I throat punched right through Tom's mouth. You punched me in the dick? Oh, that was you dick? Yeah, my dick is throat level.

Speaker 7 Very tall.

Speaker 9 He is very tall.

Speaker 7 I'm so sorry. I don't know why I did that.
Rudy, you took the gold. The gold is gone now.
You put it into the speed force? Yeah, my dirtbag instincts kicked in. Fine.

Speaker 7 I've got a whole big old room full of it at home.

Speaker 7 Kiwi Krishna.

Speaker 9 You gotta exchange that for cash.

Speaker 7 For kish?

Speaker 9 For cash. Because you want to be able to make it rain and thunderstorm.

Speaker 7 Are you just pitching a gold for cash business now? Kish for gold? Gold for kishe. What?

Speaker 9 What? No. But I do have one last idea.

Speaker 7 Okay, one more, and we're running out of time.

Speaker 9 Take me loud, Lord. And by Lord, I mean Satan.

Speaker 7 Okay.

Speaker 7 Do you want Satan to take you?

Speaker 9 If this don't work out, sure.

Speaker 7 Okay, all right. What's the last idea?

Speaker 9 Everyone gets a paycheck, correct?

Speaker 7 Sure.

Speaker 9 If you're employed,

Speaker 7 I find gold if you get a big sack of gold.

Speaker 9 Sure, count that out.

Speaker 7 I get a check from the government. Yes.
What?

Speaker 7 All ghosts get a check from the government. I didn't want to go to the bottom.
This is what it says. That's our tax dollars.
Entitlement programs. Yeah, part of the program.
You got a tax dollars.

Speaker 7 There's all the ghost bucks. Charles, if you don't mind my asking.
You're a Republican. How much do you get? This never came up.
Well,

Speaker 7 if I got to convert it from, I get 2,000 bats, which is

Speaker 7 $400 a month. That is

Speaker 7 for a ghost, that's a lot of money. Yes.

Speaker 7 Well, my reputation through the roof. No, because ghosts have there's rules about what ghosts can eat.
You gotta buy fruit.

Speaker 7 You gotta buy fruit, clear peanut butter, and you can only eat between 2 a.m. and 3 a.m.

Speaker 7 You wouldn't believe the rules imposed on ghosts. Oh man, it almost makes me want to be a lizard.
Well, that's what I'm saying. I thought for sure lizard went to the bottom of the list.

Speaker 7 I said, no way am I being a lizard. I want my eyes in the front of my head.
Skelter Skelter isn't at the bottom of the list? Venuskeleton?

Speaker 7 No, I skeleton, see, I had to learn more about the skeleton deal before I said no, thank you. I was in the office for a good two and a half hours before I made my choice.
Wow.

Speaker 7 What's the business though?

Speaker 9 Thank you, Spong. much.
Thank you, Kiwi Chris, Chris,

Speaker 7 whatever the hell your name for

Speaker 9 redirecting because this is it.

Speaker 9 Everyone gets a paycheck.

Speaker 7 Everyone gets a paycheck.

Speaker 9 Everyone gets a paycheck. I don't trust the government.
Raise your hand if you don't trust the government. That's every hand raised.
Thank you.

Speaker 7 So, great. We did it silently.

Speaker 9 Y'all all went quiet. Quiet was already raised.
Quiet clothing. So,

Speaker 7 are you in? Are you just the invention quiet clothing?

Speaker 9 No, I don't. What is that?

Speaker 7 Come on. You want people to hear when you approach?

Speaker 9 Yes.

Speaker 7 Otherwise, muggers would be.

Speaker 9 I'm not scared of no mugger. I ain't got no money for a mugger.

Speaker 7 Well, if you sell this business, you will.

Speaker 9 Well, hear me out.

Speaker 7 Okay.

Speaker 7 Deal.

Speaker 7 Is that a deal? No, I'm not busy. I'm not buying your business.
Oh, you spoke too soon. Oh, God.
God damn it. You just made it a deal.

Speaker 7 What did I buy? What did I buy?

Speaker 9 Okay, it's a business. It's a service where you can bring your paychecks and people will give you cash in return.

Speaker 7 Check cashing place.

Speaker 7 What?

Speaker 7 Check cashing place.

Speaker 7 I just invested in a check or a bank. Which is it? Why was your first thought

Speaker 7 cashing place and not bank?

Speaker 9 Because I don't trust banks. And Mr.
Scott, David Hawkman, was listening.

Speaker 7 Okay, so it is a check cashing place?

Speaker 9 I don't know what that is, Scott, but I can know what you're saying.

Speaker 7 It's a place where you get checks cash.

Speaker 7 I want to talk about the quiet clothes because I have to wear regular clothes from the world, and everybody gets frightened because of how loud my clothes are inside my invisible bathroom.

Speaker 9 But then you need to talk to my brother because I'm not investing in quiet clothes. Talk to my brother

Speaker 9 who's appetizer P. Newer.

Speaker 7 Appetizer. Appetizer.

Speaker 7 Appetizer?

Speaker 9 He has a P middle name as well.

Speaker 7 I can also use quiet clothes. Because you know when you're sleeping in a hostel with like 10 people, but you've got to get up to take a bathroom break, right?

Speaker 7 What is a bathroom? Beethoven? What's the best thing? Wait, you don't even know what a bathroom is?

Speaker 9 Well, what the hell did he say?

Speaker 7 Beethoven.

Speaker 9 A Bikram yoga.

Speaker 7 Yeah, yeah. Okay.
When you get up from a hospital and.

Speaker 7 From the hospital? A hospital?

Speaker 9 Are you sick?

Speaker 7 Do you live in hospitals? Are you sick, Chris?

Speaker 7 Look, I think it's falling apart right now.

Speaker 7 We're running out of time. That's how you wrap it up.

Speaker 7 Okay, I'm taking a note. Okay, look.
So it's all. Wait, we're not wrapped up.
We're not wrapped up.

Speaker 7 We're not wrapped up yet. We just have one final feature on the show.
It's a little something called plugs.

Speaker 7 I like plugs and plugs like me.

Speaker 7 They come at the end of CBP.

Speaker 7 Plugs are my favorite part of the show.

Speaker 7 Plugs tell me everything I need to know. And out of where we

Speaker 7 speak, your shows, shows, your gigs. And what will you redo?

Speaker 7 Perform.

Speaker 7 Record. And out.

Speaker 7 Now the chorus.

Speaker 7 Oh, boy.

Speaker 7 Oh, oh.

Speaker 7 Hey, it tricked us.

Speaker 7 Now the chorus, and it was out.

Speaker 7 Wow, that was right up my alley. That was Plugs Like Me by Scott X.
Watkins. Thank you for providing your full name.
Andre P. Newer is probably very happy about that, Scott.

Speaker 9 I love that he did that, and that was a fantastic tune.

Speaker 7 Very good. All right, so

Speaker 7 what do we want to plug here, guys?

Speaker 7 Obviously, it's the last day of April, the beginning of May.

Speaker 7 What do we want?

Speaker 7 You do a show, and we... Yeah, I'm doing it right now.
Yeah, I know, and we've been listening for our job, of course. Yeah, thank you.

Speaker 7 We also have to listen behind the paywall. Well, yes, we have to listen to other shows behind the paywall.
You're listening to every show that I do? Yes.

Speaker 7 And we listen to your show Threedom, and we like like it very much. That one, Threedom, now that one, so clear, so more coming in, yes, right.

Speaker 7 Close door policy. Uh, that's the show that I do with comedians Paul F.
Tompkins and Lauren Lapkus, uh, where we it's just the three of us, we don't have guests, there are no characters.

Speaker 7 Uh, that's on Stitcher Premium. That's that show, yes.
Yes, and I like the show Raised by TV, which is a very funny show about old TV shows, and it's free for everyone.

Speaker 7 You like old TV shows, You're a 48-year-old man. I like to hear what 32-year-olds liked.

Speaker 7 And one 48-year-old. Yeah, one time.

Speaker 7 Wow, okay. So people can check out Threedom by going to stitcherpremium.com slash Threedom and entering the code Threedom for a full month for free of Stitcher Premium, is that right?

Speaker 7 Speaking of free,

Speaker 7 there's a podcast called Spontaneation that I've personally been monitoring. Oh, okay.
That's completely free every Monday. Could you give me the oral report on that? Hmm.
It's just a good time.

Speaker 7 Oh, wow. That's the extent of it.
Well, Emily usually writes her reports. Oh, okay.
She wasn't able to be writing. I'm not good with oral.
Okay. Do you know what I mean?

Speaker 7 She's kidding, of course. Look, Stephen.

Speaker 7 Stephen would not be happy with you coming on to me.

Speaker 7 So you didn't know what I mean.

Speaker 7 I guess I didn't. Spontaneanation, Raised by TV, Freedom.
These are all good other shows that you can listen to.

Speaker 7 So please check those out.

Speaker 7 All right.

Speaker 7 Let's see. Rudy, what do you want to plug?

Speaker 7 Well, I want to plug our friendship.

Speaker 7 Look, man. I love you.
I love you, man. I'm sorry.
I know. I'm a little brother to you.
I mean, you're closer than a brother to me.

Speaker 7 You're like my... What does that mean? I guess like a spouse.
Like a spouse, like we married. Yeah.
Scott, I do want to plug.

Speaker 7 I now pronounce you Chuck and Larry situation. Yeah.
And I've pronounced you Scott and Rudy.

Speaker 7 That could be a podcast. I now pronounce you Scott and Rudy.
Scott and Rudy. Hey, why not? Talk to the stitcher people.
Hey, Hey, you know those people?

Speaker 7 Okay, I do want to plug a podcast called Hollywood Handbook. What? No, they were here at the beginning.

Speaker 7 These two dirtbags do a show. No, it's a lost cause.
Hollywood Handbook? Yeah. The pro version? Yeah,

Speaker 7 it's not.

Speaker 7 I think it's a good podcast. It's my favorite Earwolf podcast.

Speaker 7 It's our favorite in the main office. It is, right? Yes.
Hollywood Handbook. Every Tuesday.
It loves Hollywood Handbook.

Speaker 7 Yes.

Speaker 7 That show will never be canceled. Never.
All right. All right.
So Hollywood Handbook. Nothing else? Nope.
That's it. All right.
Keywistopher, what do you want to plug?

Speaker 7 Yeah, I'd like to also plug a podcast called Womp It Up. That's pretty good.
Jesus. I like it a lot.

Speaker 7 Why won't you intend my show? Because, I don't know.

Speaker 7 I mean,

Speaker 7 three weeks ago when I had a John Hamm episode, everyone was plugging it.

Speaker 7 Which one? Community Bing Bing? Yeah, now no one talks about it all. I wish those ads had worked.
You all knew, Scott.

Speaker 7 Anything else? Listen to that. You can also watch AP Bio on NBC Thursday nights, or it's on Hulu for you.
Great. For me, for everybody.
For everyone, yeah. Even for King Arthur.

Speaker 7 I turned him onto it back then. Oh, really? He wants it a lot.
Did you bring your smartphones or something? How did you? Yeah, I brought my whole TV with me. Oh, your entire TV?

Speaker 7 You were carrying a TV and just fell in a hole. I was moving it.

Speaker 7 And I tripped and fell into old-time England. Did they think it was magic?

Speaker 7 Well, you know, they got Merlin there, so it's all magic to them. Oh, good.
Right. They got Melanin?

Speaker 7 What? Melon? Merlin. Yeah, Merlin is a black guy.
Baltimore Merlin. Merlin is a black guy.

Speaker 7 Baltimore Merlin?

Speaker 7 Baltimore. Scary.

Speaker 7 That is Merlin's full name, Baltimore Merlin. And he's a black guy.
We'll get into it next time. I'm on.
Okay, next time we definitely have to remember that.

Speaker 7 Entree P. Newer, what do you want to plug?

Speaker 9 I would love to plug a podcast.

Speaker 7 Which one?

Speaker 9 This African-American Life.

Speaker 7 Oh, really?

Speaker 7 Who's the host of that?

Speaker 7 Ira Cup.

Speaker 7 Very black night.

Speaker 7 Middle name, two girls, one.

Speaker 7 Ira, two girls, one.

Speaker 9 How'd you know?

Speaker 7 You know him? You know him.

Speaker 7 No, I just.

Speaker 9 Yeah, he's a nice man.

Speaker 7 Okay.

Speaker 7 Light-skinned black man, I see. Oh, okay, yeah, very light.

Speaker 7 Very, very light. He can pass.

Speaker 9 You might think he's what.

Speaker 7 Yes.

Speaker 7 Exactly. Like a Dorothy Dandery.

Speaker 7 Yes, or Rashida Jones.

Speaker 9 Should we not keep naming names?

Speaker 7 Let's out them all. Why not? Rachel Dolazo.
Yeah.

Speaker 7 She can pass, right? Sure.

Speaker 7 I thought she was white for a second.

Speaker 7 Nope. Black.
Through and through. Oh, black.
All right.

Speaker 7 Vivian from season five.

Speaker 7 Fresh prince of LM.

Speaker 7 Charlie Manson, what do you want about?

Speaker 7 Oh, you got more? You got more?

Speaker 9 What do you got? You cut me off, Scott David.

Speaker 7 How dare I? Lena hold it.

Speaker 9 How dare you? Lena Dunham.

Speaker 7 Lena Dunham. Charlie.

Speaker 7 What do you got?

Speaker 7 I just want to go back onto Doughboy.

Speaker 7 Let's close up the old blood bag. Let's close it up.

Speaker 7 It's time

Speaker 7 to open it.

Speaker 7 It's time to open the bag.

Speaker 7 It's time to open the bag. It's time to open the bag.
I open the bag. I open the bag.

Speaker 7 Very nice. Only about eight more months of that.

Speaker 7 Great. Well, guys, I want to thank you so much,

Speaker 7 Charlie. Good luck to you.

Speaker 7 Is there any sort of afterlife situation where you can get into a lizard body or anything? Or is this what you're stuck with?

Speaker 7 Only if I commit three good deeds within three minutes. Uh-oh.

Speaker 7 It's too fast. It's too fast.
It's too fast. It's too fast.
I can't. But maybe you

Speaker 7 try it. Nobody kids.
Like that saltine challenge or eating a Tide Pod. If you save someone from drowning, that's a good three minutes by itself.

Speaker 7 But three minutes here is three years in the speed force.

Speaker 7 Wait a minute. What? Maybe you could take take this ghost

Speaker 7 to the Speed Force and you can do three good deeds and turn into a lizard. I would love that.
Do you guys want to do that right now? Let's do it. Okay.
Okay. We just did it.

Speaker 7 Oh, wow. Charlie Manson's a lizard.
He's a little lizard

Speaker 7 with a swastika. This is Charlotte.

Speaker 7 I'm so glad things worked out for Charles Mence.

Speaker 7 So good. C20 reports this.
Entre P. Newer, so good to meet you.
Will you come back with your brother or appetize? Appetizer Pete.

Speaker 7 I would love to meet him. Absolutely.

Speaker 7 yeah absolutely uh christopher so great to see you again yeah good to be here scald good luck to see you when i come back from my trivials yeah i hope you replenish that gold oh i've got a lot it doesn't need it yeah okay uh and uh dirk and emily or i'm sorry uh dirk and ms grandchildren uh

Speaker 7 so what do you think well

Speaker 7 we weren't really paying attention

Speaker 7 We were texting about something we have going on. That's what you were doing, Jesus.
So anything you ever heard us say after the initial time that we had a conversation with you?

Speaker 7 Yeah, making a note of this. We were just saying stuff out loud.
We were actually in response to what we were writing in our time. You were asking very specific questions to all of us.
Of each other.

Speaker 7 Oh, I'm glad it worked out that way.

Speaker 7 Were you all talking to us? You guys were having a side conversation this whole time. The entire time.
I never knew what was going on. This is an M-Night Shamal and Twist.

Speaker 7 So I guess just keep doing what you're doing. Okay, have you reported that it's going fine, I guess.
Tell you what, I'll do it for another year. Is that okay?

Speaker 7 Yeah.

Speaker 7 Who cares? All right, guys. I want to thank you.
I want to to thank the listeners. Thank you so much for sticking with us for nine years.

Speaker 7 I want to thank, of course, our engineers, including engineer Brett. Don't get on, Mike.

Speaker 7 Oh, that's right. He was been throat punched.

Speaker 7 Thanks to everyone out there listening. Thanks to all of you.
It's been my pleasure to be here for so long.

Speaker 7 That didn't come out the way I wanted it to come out. All right.
We'll see you next time. Thanks.
Bye.

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