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mine, come and see my

body.

You miss 100% of the shots you don't take and 100% of the shots you do take because you're bad at sports and miss every shot.

Welcome to Comedy Bang Bang.

Too long.

Thank you to Floppy Baby for that catchphrase submission, Floppy Baby.

The hunt continues and welcome to Comedy Bang Bang for another edition.

My name is Scott Auckerman.

I don't even believe I introduced myself on our last episode.

So if you listened to all of that and had no idea who the host was, but you said, you know what, I'll try another one in case he introduces himself.

I am Scott Auberman.

I'm the host of Comedy Bang Bang.

We have a great episode coming up a little later.

We have a custodian, someone who works in custodial services.

So, that's a good episode of Comedy Bang Bang, I think.

But on the other end of the spectrum, although I don't know, I would imagine that you make a mess in the toilet occasionally.

Sure.

I'm proud, a proud mess.

He is an old friend of the show.

He, of course,

put in six seasons or seven.

How many did you do with that show?

You know what show I'm talking about?

What other show?

The Division?

The Division, of course.

We all remember you.

Me and Nancy McKee.

I remember those

billboards around town.

I was like, there's my friend here.

There he is.

He made it.

Television for women, lifetime television for women.

10 tits and a dick.

You, of course, were the owner of two of those tits.

Yes, two beautiful masculine tits.

How many seasons of Mad Men did you do?

We did eight seasons of Mad Men.

You're kidding me.

93 episodes.

93.

Why not do the extra seven?

It does beg the question.

You know what I mean?

Just come back for a little completion.

Do it all over the round number.

You know, one episode per season or whatever.

Or just do a final season where there's like seven more.

Why don't you get back together?

Do a final season.

Listen, your lips to God's ears.

Honestly, that show kind of stopped in the middle of things.

Did it?

Pretty much

at the end of the continent.

Well, whatever.

Maybe you didn't see that.

Who knows?

Yeah, well, I don't know.

I wasn't really.

A lot of people didn't pay attention.

It was a show really made for passive viewing.

But

he, of course, played Don Drapper on Don Dripper.

On Mad Man.

Don Dripper.

And Donald Diaper.

Now he

inexplicably is playing a guy named Andrew Cooper.

Cooper Draper, Draper, Cooper, Draper, Cooper, Draper, Cooper, Draper, Draper.

On a different show called Your Friends and Neighbors, which is coming out on April 11th.

Apple TV Plus.

On Apple TV Plus.

Once a week.

The first two episodes will drop on the 11th, and then it'll be once a week, the slow drip.

So if you have an extra $500,1500 in your spare pocket and you want an Apple TV subscription.

It doesn't cost that much, guys.

I can't believe it.

You're radically overestimating the cost of that.

I think it's much closer to the business.

I mean, with all the bells and whistles.

Well, sure, if you want a really good connection and like all the stuff.

Yeah, $500 million.

But other than that, no,

it's remarkably affordable.

Please welcome back to the show for I'm going to try and guess how many actual episodes you've done.

Your guess is as good as mine.

I'm going to say 12.

I think it's at least 12.

At least 12.

Okay, so 13 goes.

Let's say 13.

13.

A Baker's dozen.

Please welcome back, John Hann.

Hi, the aforementioned Baker.

Donald Baker.

Donald Baker.

Donald Dozen.

Joe Don Baker.

Joe Donald Baker.

Hi, John.

Welcome back to the show.

Thank you so much for being

I believe you've done.

I'm checking it out right here.

I have your stats.

Ready?

It's like a little baseball card, but with my CBD stats.

CB stats.

You have done, in terms of the podcast.

Only the podcast.

Not the

television show or the radio show.

No, this includes the radio show.

This includes the radio show.

But have you ever done a live episode?

I don't think so.

Okay, so you, and how many episodes of the TV show did you do?

Just one.

One.

Okay.

So, out of the podcast, this is your

12th appearance wow that is such an amazing guest incredible and and let me let me and i'm an amazing guest let me give you your numbers you did four episodes of our first hundred oh wow yeah so i was an early adopter that's right you were on episode 12.

holy moly so was that when they were once a week or they still are once a week yes

well you know pandemic i don't know are we still in the pandemic planned

um then you did one episode in the hundreds.

Okay.

So I took a little breather.

I was probably a little busier than well, actually,

it wasn't truly a breather as much as because you did 126.

That was number episode 100.

So it was like you're doing about every 25 episodes.

I got it.

Then you didn't come back again until 211.

So you went up.

But I got it.

I'm still in the once 100.

You're still in once 100, but it was a couple years before you came back.

Then you jump all the way up to 490.

Oh, I missed the threes.

I missed the threes.

I missed the threes.

That was four years later.

Man, I wonder where I was during the threes.

We, of course, had our legendary.

Terrible threes.

Yes, Scott and I were at Loggerheads.

This is a beautiful camp up in Northern California, by the way.

If you ever get a chance to go to Loggerheads, please, please enjoy.

Gorgeous.

Yes.

Sponsor the show.

Yes.

Then you come back about a year later.

In fact, under a year later, you're in episode 540.

And then

you do another episode in the 500s, 500s, 599.

Well, because I feel like I kind of dissed the threes, so I wanted to get back on that prime night.

Number six.

Also, it was our 10th anniversary episode.

You came in and did, did something.

Oh, that was fun.

I remember that one.

And then a rainy day in Hollywood.

You were on five.

Was that a rainy day?

Yeah, I remember that, yeah.

That was five.

Interesting.

So that was 599, which may as well have been the 600s.

Close enough.

So we'll count it in the 600s.

Then you're back up to 774.

Dang.

That's three years later, of course.

The pandemic happens.

Yeah, it happens.

I mean, it's almost almost like it was planned.

And then you go to 839, which is a year later.

And now you're in 909.

This is like 909 or something like that.

One after 9.09.

So, wow, an incredible recap of all of your appearances that created about five minutes of content.

So much content.

And I think, I'm going to say it, riveting.

People were like, I don't know, is he going to make the fours?

Is he going to make the fives?

What's the 599?

Is it a six?

well you're a good friend to the show i appreciate you being here so it's fun it's always it's always a fun hope to have you in the thousands i hope so too now let's see maybe maybe one triple o

i'd certainly i wouldn't turn down an invitation really you want to be on the thousands no i'm a big i'm a big anniversary guy clearly

you're uh you're coming up on uh on your first anniversary

of being married i believe

it's the second but you're just public i have no idea oh it's the second yeah the second second anniversary in june which is nice what i meant to say is the first anniversary of your first anniversary.

The first anniversary, of course.

Congratulations.

Thank you.

It's a very, yes, no, I got married in 2023.

Wonderful stuff.

We all love you.

June up in Big Sear.

Beautiful, beautiful.

We mentioned that you did eight years and approximately 93 episodes of The Mad Men TV.

Exactly.

93.

You can count them.

And then it comes to my attention.

via the news wires that you have some other show called Your Friends and Neighbors.

I watch Mad Man and I go, you know what?

That's the perfect.

Why do more?

What are you doing?

Cap of his career.

Why would you do more?

I think I am confused, and our listeners are confused as to why you would do another.

I think part of why I'm here is to help alleviate that confusion in some way.

Explain this to us in ways that will make us understand.

Scott, I don't know if you've heard of this device, this kind of concept.

Money.

It's a great.

Oh, is that why you're doing all these commercials?

Yeah,

man.

It enables you to buy goods and services.

Oh, okay.

Like, if you needed.

What's the best thing you bought recently?

Ooh.

Good question.

The best thing I bought.

Because you mentioned to me that you bought

a poster for Eight Days in the Valley.

Yes.

I do own a giant one sheet for Eight Days in the Valley.

It was about a week long in the Valley.

And it was a lot of fun.

There was a lot of hijinks.

It was Charlie Stern.

It was Charlie Stern's first starring vehicles.

I believe James Spader?

Maybe one.

Spades.

There was something.

What's the difference between a spader and a wood?

I would imagine a spader goes to work in the woods.

For sure.

Using a spade.

You got to spade that stuff out.

Their ancestors probably worked together.

Hugely, hugely intertwined families.

The greatest thing I bought recently, I don't, you know,

I don't know what to do.

What kind of car do you drive?

And what's your license plate number?

My license plate number is 72GG543.

It is a distributor plate.

Oh, wait, you must have one of those because you do the commercials.

You get the freebie, man.

You get the freebie.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

So you don't even have to buy that.

No.

So I don't have to buy that.

So what's the best thing that you, but like, what's something where you're like, man,

doing these shows is all worth it because I bought these.

Buddy, let me tell you what I just bought recently that blew my mind.

I bought myself some free time.

Whoa, that's more valuable than anything.

Man, I'm telling you.

Free time with yourself.

You're a young child.

You know, free time is more valuable than anything.

That's right.

Yeah, that's why we work so hard.

That's why you work so much.

We have so free time.

A lot of people live to work.

This guy works to live.

That's right.

I work to work.

Well,

that's also totally fine.

Sometimes I live to live.

Sometimes you live and let die, I noticed, too.

I did that once.

It was a little bit painful, so I tried not to die.

You used to.

Tell me about your friends and neighbors because this is baffling to me.

You were on this Apple TV

about a year ago where you were playing, you were on the morning show, and

they were asking the question, what if Elon Musk were handsome?

Which is like a fanciful world that we can't even really imagine.

Or articulate.

Yes.

It was, it all started, Scott.

And I know, again, I know you know how this business works.

Yeah.

If you want a job, really anywhere,

what you really should do

for any job.

For sure.

Get a headshot.

And by all means, buy a beeper.

Yeah, and make it a composite.

Like you dress up like a chef in one picture.

You dress up like a chef.

A spicy meatball, maybe something funny, maybe something serious.

Maybe a crying clown.

You know, whatever.

Juggle.

You can do whatever you can do.

Represent that in your headshot.

And make sure you say you can horseback ride on your CV.

As you might say, a comp card.

Yes.

Regardless, what you really need to do when you want a job on any of these streaming platforms, and there are so many, Scott.

Yes.

You've got Fubi, you've got Tubi, you've got Blueby, Blueby, and you've got Netflix, you've got Hulu, you've got Yulu,

you've got YOLO, which is the one if you only live once, you should get that one.

Weirdly, they only stream you only live twice.

Which is odd.

And they only do it.

Guess how many times?

Once.

Yep.

And then they just put the lights on.

And that's it.

You're $9.99 a month.

Anyways, what you're doing.

So let me guess what you do.

You have to do a commercial for them to let them know you'll play ball.

Scott, that's exactly what you do.

You get them to pay you to do a commercial on their own platform

where you beg for a job.

Yeah, that's essentially what that commercial was, wasn't it?

Where you're, it was, it was a commercial of what everyone else in Hollywood has a TV show on Apple except for me.

Except for me.

And then suddenly you have a TV show.

Two.

Two, yeah.

You have a morning show.

Morning show.

And now you're for

TBD.

But you never know.

Look, you never know about this guy.

I mean, listen, this guy's here and there.

He's everywhere.

He's in space.

He's on the earth.

Who knows?

I thought it was weird on the morning show with the last episode where, like, basically, it all comes out that you tried to screw over Jennifer Anderson.

Spoilers for the morning show.

Oh, come on.

It was two years ago.

And then he just jumps into a rocket ship and goes, bye, bye.

And just

sails off into space.

It was such an odd end to a series that I was.

I thought the weirdest thing about the end of the morning show was all of a sudden it was like afternoon.

That's the thing is truth in advertising is very important to me.

That's Saturday Night Live, which I know you're hosting in a week or so, is

come on guys.

Come on.

I mean,

by the way, you're in the 12th timer club on this show.

That's three times.

We care about you even more.

But that show is, they say Saturday Night Live.

Two-thirds of it takes place on Sunday morning.

Also, you want to do your 50th anniversary and you want to do it on a Sunday?

Hey, guys.

Guys, it's called Saturday Night Live for a reason.

It's not Saturday Night Live in Australia.

Oh, my God, these guys.

Any case, so yeah, the morning show, like, I was noticing, like, occasionally, like, you were boning down on Jennifer Amston in the

middle of the night.

Nighttime.

Nighttime.

Yeah.

It's morning somewhere, I guess, is the idea.

I guess that's the idea behind the show.

They do make that disclaimer.

The idea is, once again, you, you demand that the streaming platform in question

pay you for a commercial,

then give you a television show.

This is what happened.

Wow.

This is an incredible thing.

So your friends and neighbors starts.

So wait, I could do this?

If you had the gumption.

I guess I don't have the gumption.

Buddy,

you got to get a gumption guy.

So, but I just talk to Apple TV.

I say, hey, pay me to do a commercial.

Say, hey, guys,

how about a little Scott sauce?

How about a little Scott hot sauce?

Scott Hot Saucerman.

This is a good piece of advice.

I'm just going to do a cold call.

Just cold call them.

And they'll know who's talking.

Hey, Apple,

call the genius bar and go, where are I?

Yeah, go work my way up through the genius bar.

Listen, somebody knows somebody.

That's how it works.

This guy, by the way, have we talked about this guy, Tim Cook?

He works at Apple, but his name is Cook.

His name should be Tim Apple.

But, okay, it's Cook.

We give you that.

But he doesn't cook apples.

Exactly.

What the guy can't throw a pie into anything?

Throw a pie into one thing.

One goddamn thing.

Anyway, so whatever.

Your friends and neighbors.

Your friends and neighbors is a contemporary story, unlike Mad Men, which takes place in the 1960s.

But so are you saying that this show takes place in the exact hour that anyone ever watches it?

No.

It takes place in the past.

No, just contemporary, contemporary, contemporary, like near, near.

But how long ago were we talking?

I think just maybe

within days.

Yeah, within days of now.

Yeah, within days of now.

So wait, the events of the first episode.

I mean, I think this is

the first time it best.

How soon is now?

And this is what they said.

The events of the first episode are about to happen because the show doesn't come out for another 11 or 12 days or so.

Hey, hey, tune in.

So this is all set in the future, according to when we're taping this

when this comes out.

Depending on the present.

Okay, so this is a futuristic show.

Good.

All right.

Interesting.

So are there lasers and stuff?

I mean, aren't there lasers and everything?

Try to open your phone without a laser.

Good luck.

No one's wearing glasses, so I bet they use lasers to correct their vision.

Lasick.

Tim Cook knows about it.

His name should be Tim Lasick.

Tim Lasick.

You know, but then he wears glasses, so this guy's confusing.

Oh, man.

You know, Jobs had it right.

You know what Steve Jobs had?

Jobs.

Job, exactly.

Johnny Cash, Muncie.

Bob Hope.

All he did was give the soldiers hope.

Thank you.

Good lord.

So, in any case, this is a futuristic show.

Joe Penny from Simon vs.

Simon.

Pennywise.

Also, they had nothing but copper coins.

I'd love to live in the sewer.

What about you?

I mean, depending on the sewer, have you been to some of these sewers?

Not the worst.

You know what I'm saying?

Yeah.

There's a couple places in Manhattan.

I was like, there's some nice tile work on it.

Beverly Hills sewer?

Yeah.

9021, yes.

So this guy's, first of all, he decides to call himself Andrew Cooper.

Well, he goes by Coop.

Did parents name him this?

His birth name, Andrew, last name Cooper.

Because in Madman, there was all this like shenanigans with Don Draper as in his real name.

Is that the same thing?

No,

we went away from that.

We felt like we did that.

It would be ballsy if, in the middle of the film, every character I play is like, is that your real name?

And I'm like, I got something to tell you.

You got to pitch this.

No, it's his real name.

He goes through a sort of a seismic event

in his life.

He loses his job through no fault of his own.

Some corporate chicanery, a little shenanigans happen to him.

And because his main source of income has

evaporated.

His job.

His job.

And he lives.

That's usually people's main sources of income.

Yeah, but some people have Aunt Solari income, you could say.

Yeah, I mean, a lot of people's ancestors, you know.

Yeah, Aunts and Uncle Solari.

Uncle Solari and Aunt Solari.

That's exactly.

They sometimes give you money.

Sure.

Anyways, he does lose his job.

He is living a very expensive existence, and he kind of

takes account of all of his friends and neighbors around him and realizes these people don't need all this stuff.

Maybe he can start relieving them of some of them by fits and starts and steals from them.

Oh, like he goes over to their houses at parties and takes a necklace or two.

Yes, yes, yes.

I love this.

He's like a modern-day Robin Hood.

He's like a Robin Hood.

Giving it to himself.

But giving it to to himself.

Yeah.

So I think he might have missed kind of the point of Robin Hood, but

he got the Robin part.

Sure, yeah.

Yes, he was definitely robbing.

Does he wear a hood?

Do you get to wear a cloak or anything like that?

Doctor Strange?

I got to tell you, he does wear a hoodie.

Maybe it's really close.

Robin hoodie.

That's close.

Which was the working time.

So the cast on this, we're talking Olivia Munn.

Olivia Munn.

Amanda Pete.

Amanda Pete.

Mark Tallman.

His last name is Tallman, but it looks like Tallman, and he is a tall man.

Is he a tall man?

What are we talking about?

6'2 ⁇ , 6'3?

Tall enough?

Those are good size.

I mean, he's not an Ackerman-size human being, but 6'2.5.

That's not true at all.

Really?

You think I'm taller than you?

I think you are at least 6'4.

I've stood next to you.

No, no, I'm not.

Come on.

Yeah,

I mean, I felt like every time I stand next to you, Posey, and Tall Child, I feel like I am.

I'm the shortest out of both of them.

We have Hoon Lee.

We have Lena Hall.

We have Lena Hall from Broadway's Hedwig and the Angry Inch.

Yep.

Amy Carrero,

who people would know from She-Ra.

Shira.

Shraw.

And

then recurring, we're talking Corbin Burnson from L.A.

Law.

Yes, indeed.

Corbin Burnson from Major League.

Yes.

Roger Dorn from Major League,

the affable second baseman.

That's right.

And then a bunch of people who I don't know.

But I mean, this is.

But you will.

You will know them.

They'll be imprinted on my memory

here to the end of time.

It's a wonderful ensemble.

It's a funny show.

It's a dark show.

There's a lot of

difficulties happen because of the

criminal nature of what you're doing.

Do you get to do the Mission Impossible thing where you lower yourself into a room?

It's not, no, it's not.

It's more just him kind of looking around and sort of peeling off from a crowd into a closet.

This is like stealing some stuff.

What if Bruce Wayne did exactly everything?

Instead of becoming Batman, he just goes and steals stuff in the other room.

He stole stuff from his friends.

Like, all right.

Hey, man.

So this is sort of like a Batman type of show.

It's set in the future.

Yes.

It's a lot like Batman and a little like Matman.

So it's Batman.

Batman.

Well, this is a dynamite show.

I mean, your friends and neighbors, it obviously comes out on Apple TV.

Apple TV plus April 11th, first two episodes we're going to be talking about.

Day after wet day.

So you're going to be drying off.

Yeah, Fortensky.

I'll be.

Yeah, 410 obviously is Wet Day when we get as wet as possible.

As possible.

We have to get wet so is everyone like drying off in this show in the first scene like from wet day or you say it's contemporary so I imagine that I mean I'll let you I'll let you find out but I think the answer might surprise you oh boy yeah I'm not sure which is going to surprise me more no or yes

maybe a mixture tune in someone like wipes their no no no with a rack no no no it will really it will be patently apparent oh man this is going to be the perfect television

teaser of course we're celebrating wet day next week uh on the show wet day uh wet day what day wet day wet day day this is our this is a good thing that we need to tour the country with third base

um john ham is here and uh did you have to did you have to like figure out what a hedge fund manager is when you did this show or did you just say lines i just said lines let's be honest um uh we all have a we all have a working idea of what a hedge fund manager is do we i mean look

sonic the hedge fund manager i think we all know

there's sonic and knuckles and one of them manages hedge fund and one of them doesn't one's red one's blue

i get it i get it you're a professional actor.

If there ever was anything that you didn't understand, Wikipedia.

Wikipedia, really.

Right to the source.

You don't want to embarrass yourself in front of your peers by like asking a question.

No, no, no, no, no.

Just go right to Wikipedia.

No, thank you.

That's why it's there.

That's why I donate $4

a year.

Oh, boy, those are big numbers.

Big numbers.

Think about it.

There's probably a billion people that use that.

That's $4 billion a year if everybody follows my lead.

The website that I go to the most

every day,

and I have never donated, and I need to rectify that.

Just change it.

Change it.

Change it today.

Just do an auto-pay.

Like $500 a month.

Exactly.

You know, that's an Apple TV Plus subscription.

That's

the base level.

Yeah, for sure.

I mean, you're going to want to get a little bump it up a little more.

But yeah, yeah, for sure.

To get the real shows.

To get the good stuff.

Like, basically, just $500 a month pays for the Apple logo on your screen.

You get an Apple logo on your screen.

You get a sticker to put on the back of your laptop.

Which is really nice.

Which is awesome because then everybody will think, oh, it's a Mac.

It's a MacBook.

Exactly.

Instead of that dumb Acer.

How many days a week do you work on this show?

All of them.

You did a five-day, really?

Oh, yeah.

These are madmen numbers.

Yeah, it was a tough.

And it's a lot harder to do that.

I'm just turned 54 years old, March 10th.

And it's a lot harder to do that in your 50s than it is in your 30s.

But

I love doing the work, and it was fun.

I enjoyed it.

We shot the show in upstate New York.

So we were living in New York City.

That was really fun.

I didn't see any Broadway shows.

I didn't.

I didn't have any time.

Unfortunately.

You're working five days a week.

Yeah, exactly.

Although I did see one.

What was it called?

It was the Tom Stoppard play that was, oh, it was so heavy.

That Josh Molina was in and David Crummolds.

Anybody?

Great people.

Great people.

Great show.

It was about the Holocaust.

It was super fun.

Bad times.

So

you had a great time shooting it.

Yes.

Wonderful time shooting it.

From action to cut, fabulous times, had on screen.

Yes.

Craig Gillespie, who you might know from Itanya.

He directed the first couple episodes.

He also directed.

Please don't joke about Itanya this Christmas, by the way.

Why Tanya?

Exactly.

Third base.

It's a great TV show.

We need people to watch this.

Second season.

Check it out.

Second season in the bag already.

We're starting the second season before the first one even comes out.

That's how much people like this show.

And by people, I mean the people that are paying for it at Apple.

I love this.

All right, we're all going to watch it.

We're all going to dry off on

post-wet day.

Dry off from wet day.

Dry off from wet day on April 11th.

So Friday, dry day.

Friday, dry day.

That's exactly.

I mean, wet day happens on a different day every year.

But this year.

This year's a Friday Day.

Friday, Dry Day.

Come on.

Thank you, John.

You are welcome.

This is going to come in handy for next week when we do our wet day special.

We need to take a break.

We have someone who works in custodial services.

I cannot wait.

It's cinnamon.

I've got questions.

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Comedy Bang Bang, we're back.

John Hamm is here.

Your friends and neighbors, which is a TV series.

Apparently, it was something else because Wikipedia is.

It was something else.

I think it might have been a movie, but you know what?

Who gives a shit?

It was a 1998 black comedy film written and directed by Neil Lebut.

Tyler Pett.

Oh.

Neil LaButte.

Yes, correct.

I think it was a play that turned into a movie.

Starring.

And this has nothing to do with that?

No.

How does this make Neil LaButte feel?

He, like, turns on Apple TV Plus one day and he's like, they're making a series out of my movie.

We're gonna be rich, honey.

We're gonna be rich.

And then his wife goes, We've been over this.

You can't copyright a title.

Yeah, yeah,

it's too bad.

Yep.

Sorry, Neil.

Sorry, Neil, but you are out of luck.

In any case, your friends and neighbors comes out on April 11th on Apple TV Plus.

Scott, don't be alarmed.

Oh, whoa, what?

Scott,

don't be alarmed.

John, is that you?

No, no, no, that's not me.

Look under the table.

Oh, my God.

Sorry.

How long have you been down there?

A long time.

Hi,

Bob.

Hey, John, do you know Bob Duca?

My

father place a face to the shoe.

I do know Bob Duca.

Hello.

Hello, Scaca.

Hi, Bob.

Hi, Bob.

Hi.

Scott.

What are you doing here under the table?

It's a very urgent matter.

I've come to you

a desperate.

How long have you been here if it's so urgent?

Let's not get bogged down into details, Scott.

Okay.

Did you hear the entire first segment?

Pretty good, I thought.

It was a great segment.

Thanks, Bob.

I love the shout-out to

late 80s rap group Third Bass.

Third bass, spelled B-A-S-S, through the hard way, words of wisdom.

But Scott, Scott, jokes and security breaches aside, I have an important question to ask you.

Sure.

Sorry, for the listener, by the way, this is Bob Duca.

He was married to my mother for six months back.

Six glorious months.

Back in the 90s, was it?

Again, let's not get bogged down into details here.

Just know that this connection can never be unbroken, and you are my forever baby boy.

That's very sweet.

That's which is which makes what I'm about to ask you all the more ironic.

All right, I was a grown adult when you were married to my mother, but all right.

Always be a baby boy to me.

Scott,

I've come to ask you for your hand, and please adopt me.

What?

I need you.

I've looked into the legalities of this.

I need you to adopt me for love, sure, but also for medical insurance.

You want me to adopt you?

Bob, first of all, you didn't even adopt me when you were married to my mother.

I didn't want it because everybody was all uptight about it.

Not that uptight.

I just, I was in my 30s, I believe, and didn't need a father figure at that point.

Okay, let's get into the weeds on what need is.

What does anybody need?

Let's break it down.

Food, shelter,

water.

Right?

And.

No,

not that specific.

Again, let's not get fucked down in details.

Please don't get fucked into details.

Okay, food, shelter, water, water.

And everything else is gravy, baby.

Okay, food, shelter, water, gravy.

Right.

Okay.

No, not gravy.

Everything else is gravy.

Everything else falls under gravy.

Sure.

Okay.

The point is, the point is, the way that I wanted to adopt you had nothing to do with need.

It had to do with ritual, tradition,

and a strong desire to connect.

I understand that, but why then would the shoe be on the other foot?

Why would I then need to adopt you?

Thank you so much for that.

You could probably tell from my demeanor that I'm much buffer than I usually am.

You do look great.

I wouldn't say great necessarily.

I wouldn't say bad.

Some would say buffer, some would say lumpier.

Scott, I've become fully engrossed in the men's vitality movement.

And for the last six weeks.

Had you been dabbling before, but now you're fully engrossed?

I dipped a toe in, and now I'm deep, deep in it.

Okay.

I've been a patient, a client at the the Alpha Dynamics Men Trans Longevity Clinic run by Dr.

Winona Bambini.

What does that entail?

I don't know what any of the things that you're doing.

I will tell you what, but I need the insurance to cover its longevity, its male vitality.

You know, there's this crisis of masculinity in this country, in the world.

I hadn't noticed.

John, it doesn't feel like that.

It feels like that might be made up.

No.

Listen.

You, my friend, have nothing to worry about.

You are dripping with masculinity.

But this little, little, God bless you, my son, but this little puddle.

You know what you are doing?

Why are you forcing a communion wafer into my mouth?

It's not a communion wafer.

Oh, no.

It's a Zen.

It's a Zen.

Oh, it's a Zen.

Well, all right.

I guess that's a.

In the longevity community, you'd be what's known as a cuck puddle.

I don't know why they're branding people that way.

I think that's cruel, but that's what I was, and I don't want to be that anymore.

I found out that, you know, I've let people walk all over me too much, and part of that is the physicality.

But I need to continue the rigid physical

and nutritional program that I'm on.

And I'm afraid that if I, like, can you, have you ever seen a weightlifter?

Well, have you ever seen Arnold Schwarzenegger lately?

Okay, these are two very different questions.

Have I seen a weightlifter ever, or have I seen Arnold Schwarzenegger lately?

Well, the first one sets up the second one.

Because the first one's a no, then

we have a lot of backtracking to do.

I have,

I mean, John, you've seen a weightlifter.

I've definitely seen a weightlifter, and I've seen Arnold Schwarzenegger late.

So yes to both.

Right.

So a weightlifter after they stop working out looks like a wet beanbag.

So you're trying to say that Arnold Schwarzenegger looks like a wet beanbag.

Oh, absolutely.

Yes.

I don't know if I agree with you.

I think he's looking good.

You know, he's seven.

Come on, you brown noser.

You're afraid you're going to see him at the SNL After Party?

Probably, yeah, probably.

He's a big SNL after party guy.

If there's one thing I know about the Schwartz

is that he goes late.

Yeah,

he hangs out and goes late.

Well, the point is, if I don't continue this regimen, my health is in grave danger.

And this is all covered by insurance?

It is.

It is.

For me, because of the recent

administration,

they've allowed certain,

if you're diagnosed as a deep beta male, which I have been,

and clinically.

What is deep beta?

I know what a beta male is.

There's a lower level.

Is that like Darwin?

There's a lower level.

There's a lower level.

This is basement level beta.

Deep beta.

Deep beta.

Deep beta.

And clinically unfuckable.

Clinically.

You can get insurance to revitalize your manhood.

And if I don't continue, I'd love to share with you the regimen there, man.

I think we'd all like to hear it just for educational purposes.

Okay, now

maybe this is a regimen that you want to do.

I mean, John, John's probably, if he's not on these, then he's, God bless him, because he's got this naturally.

Well, listen, I think we could all use some help.

Sure, sure, sure.

Thank you.

Thank you for saying that.

You know what?

Hey, that's what this is all about.

Just help me help you.

I'm a little concerned, though, is why, why do you need Scott's help?

Because I need to get on his insurance.

I see.

I see.

I miss that.

I'm tracking all this.

So he wants me to.

I've appeared in so many medical journals that I'm no longer in.

Yes, you're in the column DBCU, Deep Beta Clinically Unfuckable, which is the hardwired column.

Yes.

And so you're checking a lot of boxes.

Yes.

And this is the regimen.

This is the regimen that you get me out of

the regimen to get me out of that beta basement.

Right.

And would you be an alpha then, or would you, I mean.

Oh, yes.

Yes.

I, to be honest, am a little afraid of you becoming an alpha.

I think there was a recent episode you were on where you tried to alpha me at one point, and it was very good.

I think I did a pretty good job.

i've been reeling ever since well that's part of it i guess is thinking you did a good job that's part that's part of being an alpha you know what's the exciting thing about me becoming an alpha again on the on the weightlifter thing have you ever seen a buff old man

and how cool they look yeah

it's a nothing like somebody that's super muscly but also with pattern baldness

yeah they have an old purse face and then the body of like a young man that's see them on billboards that's what i'm gonna be that's what you're looking for okay what is your what is your regimen what's the regimen?

Thank you.

Well, the following, again, all prescribed by Dr.

Winono Bambini at the clinic.

I start out with Athletic Greens AG1, of course.

Sure.

Continue on with ultra water,

intravenous vitamin Drip, ultravenous vitamins bloosh, testosterone, human growth hormone, Andrew Huberman proprietary metamucil,

Scientology-grade niacin,

red bullenema, motorcycle vitamins, omega-3 fatty acids, beta-2 chubby bubbles, wet cement capsules, electricity pellets.

I go on a five-hour dopamine gorge sesh every day.

Creatine, protein, nicotine, ketamine, liquefied weightlifter magazine.

See, there it is again.

That's why I asked you.

Okay, yeah.

Because if you didn't know what they were, then you'd be like, what's the magazine about?

Thank you.

I do these workouts and physical regimen every day.

How long does that take?

Which?

All of it.

Oh, that's a pretty, just a five-hour.

I wake up at 4.30 a.m.

to start the regimen.

I finish the regimen at midnight.

Wow.

So talk about living to work and working to live.

Really?

And somehow I still get eight hours of sleep in there.

That's because of the incredible amount of efficiency from this program.

And you know what helps?

The following workout.

You have another list of workouts.

I would call it a sub-list.

Just keep it the same.

All right.

Bullet point.

Hypertext.

Hypertext.

Is that a question?

Are you familiar with hypertext?

You like hypertext?

Third base had a hypertext man.

Yeah, right.

Cold plunge, hot dip,

shake plate, air bike, alligator wave pool,

stair climber, stairfall downer, medicine ball, kettlebells, silver chairs, Nordic track kidnap machine,

Kato from Inspector Clusaux robot,

David Blaine ice block, escape workout, battle ropes, King Kong shoelaces.

These supplements for sexual health and overall vitality.

That's why I'm able to

alpha you.

Sure.

Okay, this is another sub list, by the way.

Sure, yes.

Yeah.

Are you going to ask me hyperlink again?

I think you established that you would prefer link.

Yeah.

Have you?

Well, you might need some of these neurotropics then because your memory is that faulty already.

Oh, brother.

All right.

What are you taking, Bob?

Ooh, you know what?

You're like me.

Your body's going to start.

uh on this regimen and your body's going to go fella you got a lot of spleening to do

You got a lot of spleening to do.

This is the Desi Arnaz.

Is that what it is?

Yeah, that's a reference for my love losing.

I don't know.

Okay.

Rhino horn, tiger penis, griffin pussy,

snake piss, baby blood, silverback gorilla tummy, Tesla pudding, Jake Paul lozenges.

I do daily crave magaw with Canadian misogynist Jordan Peterson.

Bezos yogurt with over 700 trillion very active probiotics.

Dave Portnoy Nippleches charge.

I take these advanced cognitive functionoids.

Yes, this is another supplement.

Wow.

This is unprecedented.

This is a lot.

Listen,

my list needs some Adderall because it is hyper

Neurogum, True Brain, Alpha Brain, Omega Brain,

Lion's Mane, Yeti Merkin,

coenzyme Q10, coenzyme Q15,

coenzyme pew, pew, pew, pew, pew, pew, pew,

ashwagandha mushrooms, ashkenazi toadstool,

salt juice, butter coffee,

donkey lettuce,

MMA zucchini, bone broth, turtle eggs, antler soup, knife spaghetti, mammoth chili, and karate salad.

Wow, that is a complete

and then I meditate.

Oh, yeah, well, sure, I get it.

You can understand how I've become addicted to this stuff mentally and physically.

Yeah.

And if you deny me this adoption, you are denying me full potential, and you're also contributing to the crisis of masculinity that is ravaging our country.

We don't want that.

I mean, John, I'm sure you would agree that.

Of course, I guess my concern is how have you afforded all of this so far?

Again, I'm a test case.

It's sort of like

the current administration is worried that men like him exist, and so they're trying to.

So they're trying to legislate them out of existence, essentially, by

improving their performance.

You remember Dr.

Oz, the great man of Dr.

Oz, when he would help like a sick child, he'd go to these different cities and help people.

You know, there's a part reminds me of somebody else.

Who, Santa Claus?

Going around the world helping sick kids.

A little guy named Jesus Christ.

I don't know that he went around the world.

I think he pretty much stayed in the known world at the time.

Yeah.

I mean,

well, how do you know?

We worship.

Were you there?

We worship Buff Jesus at the clinic.

Of course.

Although, I guess, I guess his last, remember that he came back to life and then he just flied off into space one day.

Yeah.

He could have flown to like he flied off.

He flied off.

He could have flown to, let's call it South America.

Yeah, exactly.

I mean, it's not like there aren't Christians in Zone.

Yeah, go visit the Incas.

Yeah, see what's up.

Yeah.

You guys seem to be into gold.

Wow.

I mean, this is a lot, Bob.

A lot, a lot.

Sure.

How long have you been...

How long?

Can I ask just a real pressing question?

Because it seems like a lot to take into the body.

Are there any side effects?

There are some side effects.

I do.

I will admit to having random rage episodes.

Really?

That's not like a sound.

Please don't look me in the eye.

Which is surprising.

Honestly.

Please don't look me in the eye.

For as long as I've known you.

I'll look you in the chin.

Is that cool?

Sure.

Okay.

Have you noticed it's bigger and bolder?

Well, I mean,

it didn't start from a great place.

So I think maybe that's.

I take that.

I accept that.

Yeah, it is.

It was terrible.

It was in a terrible place.

My chin was in a dark place, let's be honest.

What was her name?

Because let's not forget,

my chin got

too soon.

Too soon.

Too soon.

You know how invested I was in the Creedon's Clearwater revival legal troubles.

To see those brothers fighting was just so heartbreaking.

Look, Bob,

how long before your regimen runs out?

Yeah.

Midnight.

Midnight tonight?

I don't know that even if I

wanted to adopt Escape.

It looks like we're past the point of return.

No, no, no, no.

Dr.

Bambini knows how to fast-track the insurance.

You have an adopt-e-Z form there?

Okay.

Well, I mean, it does seem like the right thing to do.

Right?

Yes.

Yeah, I mean, I guess.

And he does look marginally better.

Yeah.

Yeah, I mean, I would say, like, now, can I ask also, was the reason you were hiding under the table because you were ashamed to come to Scott and ask this question?

Because it feels like it's coming from a place of...

That's coming from a real deep bait.

A real G-Day.

That's a deep-bad.

Yeah.

Right, right.

I guess I see the connection.

I think that was a manifestation of the old me.

Right.

Yes.

I see.

And you're trying to kill the old you.

I want to kill the old you.

Squash the old and inflate the new.

I would love to see you, the new you, wrestle with the old you.

Oh, like right now.

Yeah, like Greco-Roman, just like oily and slippery.

Okay, Greco.

Oh,

I'm more traditional.

WWE.

Look, I don't care about the traditional.

Like you start, you know, Olympic wrestling, right?

You sound one guy on the all fours, the other guy behind him.

That's that's what you're more into.

Yeah.

Okay.

The Greco-Roman, I think, is

it's too, I think it's disrespectful.

It's kind of old-fashioned.

Look,

I guess I'm at an age where we need to start taking care of our parents.

Maybe that feels right.

It feels like the right thing.

Even though while you were married to my mother, we basically had one meeting in passing where.

We will never forget it, will we?

But you've been such a big part of the show here over the past 16 years.

I mean,

you and John, I bet, have at least 12-timers, both of them.

Yeah, at least 12-timer.

Yeah, I mean, you're right on the money, 12-timer, John.

Well, sure, but I mean, you know, there's only one way up from here.

By the way, John, John you are again you're dripping with masculinity it would do me a great service if you would just give me a little bit of your sweat that I if I could take it back to the clinic yeah Bob yeah oh yeah

maybe they could harvest you know what here have a lick okay

pumped up like the incredible

that was unexpected that was unexpected this is a whole new you look at that one peck just really yeah it's throbbing Bob you better have another lick I think because you got to hear something there you go that's good because we

I don't want to go crazy on it, but it was just

life out of balance.

Did you say Kiwana Scottsy?

I did, yes.

Oh, good.

Good.

Well, Bob, look, I'll sign off in the papers.

Oh,

this is a new step for our relationship.

I really do feel like it's great.

Now, Bob, you have to like, yeah, let's not.

You're going to have to obey me.

Let's not get Poa, Scottsy, a little too far over the edge.

You're going to have to honor thy father.

Yes.

Which in this case now.

Are you my my father now?

Would be Scott.

That's what an adoption is.

This is the happiest day of my life.

And I got to say, the swollest.

Yeah.

Thank you.

You're going to have to do some chores around the house.

Okay.

Okay.

Feel free to put me to work.

You know what?

I got to say, Scott, this is going to open up a lot.

It'll open up another chamber in your heart because you have this.

Now you have,

you know, you've had a daughter for some time.

Now you have a son.

And a swole son.

And my daughter has wanted a brother.

I mean, this is.

Oh, this has got to be.

He can break down boxes.

Yes.

He can take out the recycling.

Let me out those boxes.

He can trim the hedges.

So many great things.

Are you willing to

scrub bathrooms?

Scrub toilets?

As long as you film it.

Okay.

I don't know.

That's a weird request.

Do you have an OnlyFans page?

I do.

I do.

Okay.

It's mostly ASMR and changing bandages.

I'm sure we can work somewhere.

I'm sure there are a lot of toilet stuff, too.

Oh, yeah.

Well, Bob, this is a happy day.

I'm very excited.

I'm thrilled.

Thank you for coming to me.

Here, let me shake your hand.

Oh,

wow.

Wow.

Bob.

Incredible.

Holy cow, the grip strength alone.

This is a brand new era for Bob Duca.

It is.

It really is incredible.

And again, if you could stop wasting time and get on this because I can feel myself diminishing.

I don't have a few more hours until.

Okay, I've said, look, I've signed here.

I saw him do it here.

He filled it out online, and he just needs the email address.

I think it just

press send.

Press send?

Okay.

no we got to find it kinko's oh it's got to go hard copy yeah she only works yeah i understand you want you definitely want a paper trail i think is the kinko still exist i i do know where what is

why does that not surprise me all right look bob we need to take a break this was this was lovely i gotta say this was really surprising lovely it was really nice a nice family reunion on comedy bang bang and uh i feel bad because speaking of cleaning toilets our next guest i've been keeping him on the line here we're gonna have to take a break and come back with the the person who works in custodial services.

So, Bob, can you stick around or do you have to immediately go to this regimen?

I can stick around.

All right, we're going to have to talk about your attitude, young man.

We're going to come right back.

We're going to have more John Hamm, more Bob Duca, and a custodian.

We'll be right back with more comedy bang bang after this.

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Wayfair, every style, every home.

Comedy Bang Bang, we are back.

John Hamm is here.

The show is your friends and neighbors.

And it comes out the day after Wet Day and August 11th.

No, April 11th.

Friday, Dry Day.

Friday, Dry Day.

We all know it comes out on Friday, Dry Day.

No more needs to be said.

We also have my son, Bob Duca, is here.

Thank you, Dad.

Ex-stepfather, current son.

Current son.

Yes.

Now, I noticed that you were eating during the break, and you left a little bit of a mess on the table.

And I'm afraid that's a spanking, Bob.

Okay.

Don't make me come to you.

Come over here.

Okay.

All right, here we go.

Ready?

One.

Two.

Is that all you got?

Give it to me, good.

Give it to me.

Come on, you pinky.

Come on, spank me like a man.

One for each appearance on the show.

19.

Oh, boy, that really took it out of me.

Honestly, that's harder on me than it is you because you can tell.

Physical experience.

Yeah, you can tell.

Scott's worked up a lather.

Yeah, that's actually a pretty good workout, too.

It brings a lot of blood to the different parts.

Yeah, that's why I've always said spanking your children is a great workout.

It's a great workout.

Yeah.

Well, we have to get to our next guest.

He is the aforementioned person who works in custodial services.

Let's welcome him back to the show.

It's Mike Ruby, the no-stank plumber.

How are you doing, Scott?

Hi, Mike.

It's great to see you.

I'm doing good.

How are you?

Have you ever met John Hamm?

No, Mr.

Hamm.

We have not met, but it's great.

It's great not to see you.

I've done some work in your back house, of course.

We haven't met, but I've met some of you.

And you've seen his ads around the building.

Oh, yeah.

No stank.

Oh, no stank.

Yeah, of course.

I am, of course, Mike Ruby, the no stank plumber.

I guarantee there will be no stank when I come and do plumbing in your house.

What about after you leave?

Do you guarantee that?

That I can't be a part.

That's normally the problem.

I talked to some of my lawyers.

I talked to some of my lawyers, and I said, Can I get

after this?

It's the linger, really.

The cranberry rule.

The cranberry rule.

But they said, No, that if it lingers, that's not my problem.

If it lingers, they can't point fingers.

It's merely what you do, and we this was all well covered on your first appearance on the show.

Is when you come,

as opposed to most of the plumbers that you'll hire to come work on your house, they stink

like shit.

They just smell.

Yeah, because they're always covered in shit.

Elbows down.

They're covered in shit.

Their ass cracks are out.

They're wearing dirty overalls.

It's nasty.

But this guy, M-O-S.

No stink, Scott.

But I, Scott, I,

as you know, plumbers have been under fire.

I did not know that.

Oh, you didn't know that.

No, I have not heard about that.

The last Scott.

The last plumber I heard about was that Joe the Plumber guy.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

But I think Doge

was really going after the plumbers, too.

Yeah.

Oh, really?

I'm not too worried about Doge.

They could cut as much.

funding from the plumbing department as they want, but there's still going to be clogged toilets.

There's still going to be shit.

That's a great, that's a a great attitude.

But no, Scott, there is a serial killer that has been targeting plumbers around this world.

What?

Wow.

That's right, Scott.

I haven't heard about it.

You haven't heard about this?

This is the number one headline in all the newspapers.

Wow.

How do they rank headlines?

Well, I think it's the one that's on the front page.

So whatever makes the front page.

Whatever's on the front page,

second page, you're number two.

Okay, fair.

Well, number two sounds like the guy that you might be looking for, right?

Is that confusing to people?

I don't like those kind of jokes.

This is the number one headline.

Scott, this is serious.

I'm talking about my dead brothers.

Listen, you know, sometimes when you get scared, you just make

sure we're nervous right now.

I know we're nervous for you.

I'm nervous for you.

And you're terrified for you.

And your brethren.

Hundreds of plumbers have been brutally murdered around the city.

In what manner?

Well, Scott, I'm here to raise awareness, Scott.

Okay, well, we'll raise awareness by answering my fucking question.

All right, I will.

There you go.

I will raise awareness.

I will.

This is my son, Bob Duca.

Hi, Bob.

How are you?

I'm well.

All right, Scott.

Well, the following list.

What?

Oh, boy.

This is a real list show.

Realistical.

The following list, of course, Scott, is of all the plumbers who have died in the city of Los Angeles and their cause of death.

Just to raise awareness, see if there are any clues out there.

If people can figure this out.

All right.

Of course, Scott, my good friend, Toilet Tank Hank.

No, not TTH.

He was thrown from a train.

Right outside of Los Alamos.

Just like mama?

Yeah.

That's what everyone likes to say.

It's a fun joke.

Oh, they threw him from the train like Mama.

How do you know he was thrown from a train, not just like, you know, fell off the train?

Yeah.

Oh, well, you know, the FBI was out there.

They did some sort of forensic.

It was a federal crime.

It was federal because of the proximity of the campaign.

The train was just passing the California post office?

Post office.

So that it was, of course, a federal crime.

I love California's post office.

That one post office that the whole story is.

It's really beautiful, but unfortunately, toilet tank Hank died.

Oh, no.

It's a shame.

Of course, Dante from AAA Plumbers.

Dante is spelled D-A-N-T-A.

Okay.

I don't care, but okay.

It's important.

It's important.

Because people need to know, you know,

if you're going to be

the clues, what are you going to put on the card?

The obituary.

Of course, his hand.

I don't know that I'm reading Dante's obituary.

You don't read all the obituaries in the early times every day?

It's fascinating to me, the people who

I posted an obituary about a year ago and that

it gained some notice and people reached people because of it.

Who are reading these things?

A lot of people right before bed like to pull out the newspaper, go to the obituary.

I might be coming to join you.

Wow.

They call them bitchers.

Bitchers.

Of course, Dante from AAA Plumbing.

We want a bitcher, not a belly itcher.

Sorry to interrupt your list.

Go ahead.

This is very important, Scott.

I'm sorry.

I know.

Dante.

I'm sorry.

Dant A.

Dante A.

Oh, he's the same Dante?

Yeah, he's the same.

We never got to his means of COD.

His hang glider was sabotaged above

the Magic Castle, Scott.

He fell through the building and fucked up a magic trick, Scott.

Wait, so they sabotaged his hang glider while it was in the air above the magic castle.

I'm not sure how it was done, Scott.

I'm going to guess drones.

I think drones are involved.

We have looked into some drone stuff, but we haven't found any evidence, Scott.

I'm working very directly with the police.

So not only did he ruin this man's life,

literally,

and his hang glider.

Yeah, three things ruined.

Life, hang glider, and the magic trick.

Did people assume it was part of the magic trick?

A lot of people were like, oh, this is fun.

One of those fake messing up.

This dead body is going to come to life and pull an ace out of his pocket.

That did not happen.

Is this your card?

That didn't happen.

No.

By the way, John just did pull out a card.

That was my card.

Well, that was really crazy.

He hadn't even pulled a card, but it happened to be his card.

It's the 12 of Spades.

It says the property of Scott.

Yeah, I didn't know what card it was.

Did you see

it?

His testosterone levels plummeted when he started doing close-hand matches?

Yeah, you got to be careful.

I didn't notice that.

You got to be careful.

We have a meter on him right now, just to check him out.

It's a trick.

A team meter.

Of course, Peter Pipes, plumbing professional.

Oh, no.

I've seen his billboards.

Yes, he'll plunge your poopa.

He goes right to the source.

He goes right to the source.

So, not so much the plumbing, but the interior plumbing.

He likes to come to your butthole and do some

stuff so that.

And this guy, too, no stank.

Well, that doesn't, not something he has to do.

We're the only no stank.

Okay.

There's some other no stank plumbers but he he's he he's all about being a plumbing professional of course his matcha was slowly poisoned with leather condition over a period of eight months phantom thread style yeah that's gotta be an inside job it drove him mad scott did he die or he's just been driven mad it drove him mad he was running up and down the streets of franklin boulevard here in los angeles and he was hit by danny masterson's car scott what wow no it was danny masterson he clearly wasn't driving yeah i don't think he was driving no I think it was his, someone had borrowed his car and they were driving from the track.

If I was going away to the big house, I'd load my car up.

We lend it to whoever's doing that.

He's not driving that thing.

What's he doing with a Chevy Volt at this point?

Yeah.

Of course, scent-free Robert J.

Sigh before every entry.

I know it's sad.

We can stipulate it's sad.

I'm trying not to cry while I read these.

How far apart are these deaths?

A couple of them were in the same day.

Oh, God.

Oh, wow.

Same day as...

So it really is.

Yeah, the same day.

An epidemic.

This is almost like John Hamm's appearances appearances on Comedy Bang Bang.

It's insane.

So they're closed for a while, and then the years later.

Of course,

goddamn it.

This is real.

Try to pep this up, okay?

The heavy signs.

Scent free Robert Gentry.

What?

Scent-free Robert Gentry.

I can only imagine there was a bit of competition between you two.

Yeah, we were, of course, competitors, but we learned to become brothers.

Wow.

He was trapped.

God damn it.

Now that I have become attuned to it, it is bugging me to know it.

I'll try.

I get that you're sad.

I'll try not to sigh, Scott.

But I've just been crying for weeks and weeks.

I know this is your way into what's happening, too.

A lot like this other guy knows his way of saying Scott is his way.

Anyway, go ahead.

Sometimes you need to ground yourself, Scott.

I understand.

Well, sent free Robert Gentry was strapped to a watermill and slowly drowned over a period of eight months.

Did you say a watermelon?

No, a watermelon.

So he went around and around.

He went around.

Absolutely.

Because being strapped to a watermelon.

Probably not going to drown you.

That'd be pretty fun, to be honest.

And honestly, it's not that different from being pregnant, from what I hear.

Or just carrying a watermelon.

Yeah, exactly.

Oh, that would be fun.

Strap a watermelon to your stomach and pretend you're pregnant.

Yeah, I think that's the new Amy Schuler movie.

Isn't it?

I don't know.

I don't know whether there's a watermelon movie.

It sounds like a great movie.

Yeah.

But, Scott, I I won't sigh before I say

Jake Alcott, the human ballcock.

The human ball, what?

Ballcock.

A ballcock.

It's a plumbing.

It's a plumbing reference.

It's the inflatable ball that's in the top of your toilet tank top.

It's a ballcock.

All right.

Hey.

Come on.

Hey, young man.

I'm sorry.

I'm not going to say this.

I would say that too.

Don't say me.

Watch your toe.

Isn't it insane, though, that like...

We've invented so many things, like iPhones exist and everything, and there's still like an inflatable ball in our toilet.

Well, you know, Scott, it is absolutely a part of my profession, and I take what you just say personally.

Take your part.

But of course, the human Balcock,

someone cut his brakes, and he was driving and barreled straight into a fireworks factory, Scott.

That's tough.

That is really tough.

I wonder if they knew that that would happen.

Yeah, yeah.

None of the fireworks went off.

Oh, okay.

But it just crashed into a firework.

He just crashed into a wall, died, went through his weeds.

Terrible.

Now I'm signing.

And you know what?

And the saddest part about it is he loved fireworks.

He would have loved for some to go off.

But no, he just crashes into the wall.

He's staring at unlit fireworks.

Brain all over the place.

Wow.

And somebody cut his break, Scott.

So we're thinking maybe this is

all the same person.

I think they're all connected.

Yeah.

Because there's a note being left at the scene of everybody.

Oh, you neglected to say that.

That was.

Oh, I haven't talked about that?

No.

What's the note?

There's a note that says, death to all plumbers, you started the Los Angeles fires.

Each

note says that?

Each notes.

It kind of says that exactly.

It seems like a real missed opportunity for such a creative serial killer.

Maybe this is someone who's been to a Kinkos recently.

Oh, they just wrote it once and then made a bunch of copies of it?

I'm looking at you, goodness.

Let's go to Century City.

I mean, City of Industry.

That's where the Kinko is.

Either one is equal to the Century City of Industry.

Frankie Flush.

May he rest in peace.

was a previous guest on your show, Scott.

I don't know.

Is he the one that got embarrassed a lot?

Frankie Flush He was constantly blushing.

He was lured to medieval times with a story about an unplungable toilet.

Legend said that you could plunge the unplungable pipes and be made king of all shit and piss.

It was a ruse, and he was put to the wrench.

The wrench?

Yeah, he was put to the wrench.

What does that mean?

That's in the stockades?

Yeah, it's kind of a sort of, you know.

Medieval torture device?

Yeah, it's like they lay him down, they put his head on a thing, leaning over, then they put a wrench around his neck, and they just wrench it around until it pops up.

Yikes.

this is terrible really tough stuff of course punani the porcelain princess

she was drowned

driving through a car wash scott no that's right oh how did they do it the convert her window slider the convertible was set to open in the car wash no and all that it was on a timer it was on a timer and of course all those little flappy dryer things slapped her in the face until she died oh that's how she died yeah okay so it wasn't drowning wasn't drowning well that's previously you know what i did say she drowned that's not correct that was what the police first thought.

She just got slapped by the flappy things.

Yeah, the flappy things flappy things.

Poor Punani, I must say.

The size or not?

The size are not coming in and sending out.

Of course, Little Turd, the canine mascot for the Clog Dogs,

was drawn in quarters.

You don't know Little Turd, Scott?

They have a mascot.

He's the canine mascot to the Clog Dogs.

Okay.

I don't even...

No further questions.

Just keep going.

You don't want me to get it?

overruled i want to hear this

of course he was a little he was a little dog covered in shit and he would pop out of a toilet and he said i un i unclogged it and i'm a dog it was a bad commercial yeah this doesn't make any sense it was a bad commercial but no he was drawn and quartered and cooked up to look like a rotisserie chicken no and then michael klogowski of course the owner of Clogs and Dogs, ate his own dog and didn't even know it.

Eww.

No.

That's rough.

It's really tough stuff, Scott.

What did he think he was eating?

A rotisserie chicken.

Oh, it's the same.

Okay.

Yeah, it looks exactly like a rotisserie chicken.

I mean,

I can see the resemblance, I guess.

I guess so.

Yeah, it cut off the head.

Except the covered in shit part might be.

The covered in shit, that was tough.

Joe and Jill dump rug.

The husband and wife owners of Flush Flush give me yo-yo.

They, of course,

clean people's toilets and only charge

people with uh for for

I'm sorry, sorry, Scott.

What are you talking about?

They would clean someone's soil.

They would clean that toilet, and then they would say, Hey, please, we only accept yo-yos or yay-yo.

So, either yay-o, which is pot, right?

No, yay-o is cocaine.

Oh, it's cocaine.

I'm sorry.

That's right.

I'm not first, you get the money, then you get the

pot.

Oh, right, then you get the women, then you get the yayo.

And that's only if you have the yay-yo.

Okay, got it, got it, got it, got it.

I forgot this guy.

Like that famous Cuban actor, Robert Loja.

Oh, that's right, Once that.

Of course, this hole.

God damn it, stop with the sign.

Try to say these cheerfully.

He might be.

Maybe the serial killer got to you.

I got to say,

and I'm new to a lot of this.

Yes.

A lot of this.

Not new to this, but I'm new to this.

You know an awful lot about these murders.

Oh, well, I'm working very closely with the police of the FBI, John M.

Are you thinking that I somehow am responsible for this?

It's the first person.

Your competition.

Right?

And the first person they look at is somebody close to everybody.

That's right.

Someone close to the close.

That's not the case.

I don't know.

When you say that, Bob, I think, Scott, Bob, I think I'm looking at

a guy with a lot of information, and I'm starting to smell something.

Do you think I killed?

Yeah, you're the Nostang plumber, and suddenly we smell a rat.

Do you think I killed Joe and Jill, plunging them to death?

They didn't get up that hill by themselves.

How do you know about the hill?

Because I didn't say anything about the hill, Mr.

Hamm.

I I believe.

Wait a minute.

How do you know?

How do you know he didn't?

I think we all know that Joe and Jill have to go up that hill to fetch that pail of water that they need to unclog the toilet.

Yes.

Come on.

Sigh.

Brad and Barry, the bidet boys, of course.

They were drugged and woke up in a bank.

You're now sighing in the middle.

Yeah, sometimes it's hard.

They were both drugged and woke up in a bank with guns duct taped to their arms.

And after a long standoff with the police, they were shot and killed by

the negotiators.

And that the negotiator shot them?

The negotiator?

I'm tired of talking about this.

That's terrible.

That's badass.

That's tough stuff.

It's bad negotiating, is what it is.

Here's my final offer.

Hours and hours of building trust.

My first and final offer.

Here's your pizza, here's your ex-wife, and here's your ticket to hell.

I'm glad you guys could joke about this.

It's very funny for you.

And of course, we're trying to do something to pep up this segment, which is just being laden down by the Let me sigh off, Mike.

I could still hear it.

And of course, Thor, the god of plunger.

Winters are steaming up in here.

Thor, the god of plunger, was shot in the head point-blank rage.

Oh, okay.

That's not as bad as the other one.

No, I mean, that's good.

No, that's not as bad as the other.

That's as good as a quick death.

That's quick, yeah.

Yeah.

Oh, so you like shooting people in the head.

Is that right, Scott?

Does he wear a helmet with little wings on it, too?

Yeah, really, yeah.

Or does it have little plungers on it?

They have little plungers on it.

That makes sense.

So, Scott, you know, we're under fire right now, Scott.

I don't know what you're doing.

Do you think you're next?

Well, I know I'm next because I am the only plum plumber left in the city of Los Angeles, Scott.

Oh, I wondered because I've had a clogged toilet for like the last three weeks.

Well, Scott, I'm out here.

I'm persevering.

I'm in the face of fear.

I'm continuing to do my job, Scott.

And of course, I'm going through my 11-step process of cleaning anyone's stuff.

Did you bring another list?

The following?

Can you, can you?

I'll let you read.

I don't have to sigh through this one.

Okay, this one is not as sad.

So this one you can do cheerfully.

Okay.

Can I interject here?

If with everybody else dead, your business must be booming.

It is booming.

I'm doing very well.

And I'd also like to offer the observation that maybe this guy leaving these notes is not onto something because ever since all these deaths have been happening, no fires.

That's exactly what I mean.

Why do they think plumbers caused fires?

I think there was something to do with the water pressure and the palisades.

I don't remember, but it was not interesting.

Scott, of course.

No Billy Joel.

He didn't.

He didn't start fire.

And he, he made that clear years and years ago.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

He got way out ahead of it.

Airtight Alibi.

You know what?

I'm going to make a song that's like, I didn't kill that guy.

If OJ had done that.

Oh, if he had had a fun disco hit.

In the A Studio.

I didn't kill a Waiter.

Well, Scott, you know, of course, I have an 11-step process of cleaning anyone's toilet.

And I've had to make some changes based on the...

That's right.

We've read these 11 steps before, but you've made some changes now.

Of course, step one, Scott, receive the call.

That one has not changed.

It has changed slightly because when I pick up the phone call, I pretend to be someone else until I'm sure it's a customer.

Oh, okay, yeah.

And not the murderer.

And not the murderer.

Before you used to do it, Lady Ghostbuster said, you would answer the call.

Answer the call, and I'm ready to go.

But now I pick up the phone, I'm like, hello, it's me, Myrtle.

And I kind of do a whole thing.

I wait.

This is good.

So you do a little character work.

I do a little character work.

Always fun.

They hire me.

They tell me that they need to have their toilet cleaned.

Now, of course, step two, I proudly take a shower, Scott.

Yes, this is

proudly.

This is in order to wash off any I don't want to be stinking.

I, my guarantee is very important to me.

Yeah, but now with a serial kill out there, I do stand in the shower with a dead man's switch.

And if anyone opens opens my shower curtain like in the movie Psycho, I will let it go and my house will blow up.

I mean, better safe than sorry.

Yeah, it's a I've worked on it.

I mean, it's the best way to take a shower these days.

So, I do have a dead man's switch.

Do you have a spouse or a

okay i was gonna live alone

now of course step three i drive to the house okay now on my way by the way john and bob his 11 steps go very into detail okay so it's like we're not leaving any stuff okay well i mean listen i'm glad i'm i'm very glad that it's i think you should consider hypertext sure that's not a bad idea so of course i drive to the house i make a lot of left turns right turns trying to lose anyone who might be able to shake the tape and let me tell you what if you were to if you were able to pull me off the road and try to pull me out of the car, guess what?

I'm not in there.

I was in another car.

You're in a decoy.

That's right.

So I do send a decoy, and it's a very little step.

That's not an official step.

It's a sub-step.

Is it like a Waymo?

It is a Waymo.

It's a driverless car.

Smart.

Waymo, by the way, is doing such wonders for decoys.

It's like, oh, it's the best.

It's way more.

You don't have to hire a guy.

No, you just put a dummy in the front of a Waymo.

Yeah.

Waymo easier than a devil.

It's Waymo easy.

That's really good.

You should do commercials.

You got to do a commercial for them, and then you'll get a free ride somewhere.

Now, of course, step four: I get out of the car.

Now, this is a big step, Scott.

Huge.

It's a big step.

I didn't hear you park or turn off.

No, no, no.

I get out of the car.

Car's still rolling.

Car's still rolling.

Oh, very clear.

I slow it down to a roll.

I tuck.

That's not a step.

Okay, it's not a step.

But I tuck and I just jump, I roll out of the car.

And then now, with the serial kill out there, I get up, I announce myself to the neighborhood.

I say, hey, it's me.

It's Mike Ruby.

I'm here.

I'm ready to do some plumbing.

I sound off a bear horn a little bit just to get people's attention.

Sure.

And, you know, that step has been, you know, it's similar, but a little bit different, Scott.

Sure.

I don't recall what the other steps were.

No, you don't remember upon arrival?

Nope.

I asked the people to point me in the direction of the stand guy.

That's right.

Okay, I do remember that.

But now, Scott, before I do that, I make sure that they sign an NDA.

Okay, so this is what steps?

This is step five.

I'm inside the house.

They sign an NDA.

Okay.

And I I say, hey, you can't say anything about the work I'm doing in this house.

You can't even say that I did plumbing on your house.

Because you don't want anyone tracking your assassination coordinates.

I mean, look, I did announce myself outside the house.

But now that I'm inside,

I don't want anyone to know what's going on.

Got it.

Now, of course, step six, once they've pointed me in the direction of the stank, I think.

Wait, so you've eliminated that step?

No, no, no.

That is the step.

They sign an NDA and then they point me in the direction.

This is two steps.

And you can't follow your nose to the stank.

You need to be.

Now, like I said, step six.

This has always been the case.

I float off the ground like Pepe Le Pew, and I do follow myself.

Oh, that's nice.

That's nice.

But before I make my way to the bathroom, I do pull out my gun and I sweep the house.

So you're levitating.

I'm levitating.

And you're sweeping that.

I'm holding a gun.

I'm peeking around corners.

I'm going, clear, clear, you know, that kind of thing.

I'm shooting out any windows so people can't see.

This is all Pepe Le Pew style.

This is all Pepe Le Pew style.

And it's for my own safety, Scott.

Now, since you are levitating, when you shoot the windows out, does the equal and opposite reaction say you got to go backwards?

A lot of times I'll shoot and I'll just go wee and just go right out.

That's right,

it's very hard, but I have to do it.

It's the only way to keep myself in the middle.

That's fair.

Now, of course, step seven,

I'm in the bathroom.

I will lock myself into the bathroom, Scott.

Okay.

This is where I close my eyes and take a load off because I'm safe, Scott.

You're finally in your happy place.

I'm finally relaxed.

Yes.

So, of course, this is my meditation.

Have you cleared the bathroom, though, at this this point?

No, no, no.

I don't even want to see what's in there.

So my eyes are closed when I walk through.

So someone could be in the bathtub behind the curtain.

This is really good.

Let me write this down.

Ask Peppa to put it in.

That's really good.

Wouldn't that be where you're going to be able to do it?

Here's how I would do it.

I would look in, you know, I would wash my hands because obviously you're getting ready to do something.

Okay, how dare you wait.

And you would look in the bathroom mirror.

You'd open the mirror just to check and see if there's anything in there.

It's a false front.

You never know.

Yeah,

there could be a candyman-style hole behind the mirror.

Exactly.

Or the guy,

yes, exactly.

yeah someone hiding in the walls uh uh you know uh what's the matter like an MBD or something yeah well who who hid in the walls in that one movie that Ronald Banky box

I mean I don't know maybe it's Kool-Aid man you never know someone could come through a wall exactly this is boy when you close that you close that medicine cabinet mirror watch out because there's usually some usually someone's right the old jump scare this is why I don't touch the medicine cabinet mirror it gives the killer an opportunity to sneak up behind you

so I don't do that of course I shoot out the mirror so that there are no mirrors about it

and do my meditation.

Now, of course, step eight, classic, Scott.

I will disassociate.

Yes, of course.

Because

the idea of shit and piss is so disgusting to me that in order for me to clean it, I have to be in a complete fugue state.

Sure.

So I disassociate.

Step nine, I hit my head on the sink.

Right.

Before you've cleaned it, I can't remember.

No, no, no.

I haven't cleaned anything.

You haven't cleaned anything.

You're in the fugue state.

You hit your head on the side.

I hit my head on the sink.

Is this because you've lost consciousness or is it some person?

I have lost consciousness.

The blood has rushed away from my brain.

Right.

I hit my head on the sink.

Step 10, I wake up and hope the bathroom is clean.

Right.

And if it's not, if it's not, step 11, I burn the house to the ground.

Right.

Yes.

This is the Mike Ruby promise.

Wait, I burned the house to the ground.

Hmm.

Maybe I did start the California fires.

I was going to say, because you've talked about burning so many houses down to the ground.

Yeah, I do a lot of work in the Pacific Palisades and Altadena.

Why those two neighborhoods exclusively?

They're so far apart.

The pipes are nasty.

The pipes are nasty in these.

Oh, they have bad pipes.

They have bad pipes.

I forgot about the Palisades.

Oh, they got bad pipes.

Rough pipes.

Rough pipes.

Rough pipes.

So I guess I might be responsible for the, huh?

So all.

Anyways, those are my allegations.

Anyways.

Anyway, wait a minute.

This was hundreds of millions of dollars in damage and lives ruined.

Don't beat yourself up.

Thank you, Bob.

Don't beat me.

Come on.

I don't want to.

I'm not.

I mean, yes, we all make mistakes.

We all make mistakes.

We all make mistakes.

That doesn't mean I should be the target of a serial killer killer scott it also seems like a lot of your contemporaries might be dying when it's your fault that can't be traced well no when you think about it it could be you've just said it on micro

if i just oh my god he admitted he did start the fire yes guys it wasn't always burning well this is really tough

every single line in that is the opposite

He did stuff for me.

Yeah.

So what are the what are the it wasn't always burning.

I know Marilyn Monroe is is in there, but I don't know what the opposite of that is.

It's the opposite of chubby checker.

Skinny chest?

Skinny chest.

Oh my god.

There's got to be a singer named Skinny Chess.

That'd be really good.

Scott, well, you know, damn.

Well, I'm sorry that's happening to my fellow plumbers out there, but.

Yeah, it should be happening to you.

Honestly, I think you should go to the media.

As they said in the movie, Arthur, alert the

media.

You think I should alert the media, Scott?

I do.

Take the heat off your fellow plumbing appointments.

I've got so many plumbing appointments.

I don't know if I can do that, Scott.

I guess you are sitting pretty here.

I'm sitting pretty.

I've got a throne made of gold, and that throne is, of course, a toilet.

Of course.

This is tough, Scott.

So now you're sighing

out of exasperation.

These are sighs of regret because I've realized I've put

my fellow plumber in danger, Scott.

I'm worried about it.

Well, not anymore.

They're dead.

They're out of danger.

You're worried I have whatever.

What a musical state, and it's just sighing.

Oh, my God.

You should see me when I'm jerking out.

I have a question.

I have a question.

Yes, Bob.

Is there shit and piss in plumber heaven?

Oh, God.

I really hope so, Scott.

You know, of course, I'm...

This is Bob.

Who?

Oh, Bob.

My son.

I thought he was Scott Jr.

Papa, let him answer me, please.

I need my independence, man.

I really hope there is, of course, I'm a

Plumber Catholic, of course.

What does that mean?

I believe in the Holy Trinity, Scott.

Shit, piss, and puke.

And I'm really hoping that those three things are there to greet me at the oily gates.

And, gosh.

But you know what?

I don't want to die.

So I'm not trying to think about that thing.

I'm trying to live.

You might not.

And in fact, I bet all four of us never do.

You know what?

I think just because having gone through this,

that grants us limited immortality.

Yeah, I think so.

You did a good thing today.

Yeah.

Oh, and I'm at the clinic.

I'm going to get his clothes.

He's got

a couple of lists that he could probably go go through to tell you how to achieve a work.

And you have a TV show coming up.

I've got a show coming out, so I can't.

So you can't, yeah.

It's a premiere.

You have SNL.

And this is the only plumber left.

I can't be killed because

if that does happen, the streets of LA will just be...

I hate to say it, Scott.

Covered in shit.

Wow.

Overflowing.

Well, look, Mike, I'm sure nothing's going to happen to you before the end of the show.

And whoever has been Xeroxing these notes at the Kinko's is probably not going to come in here and do anything

to you.

And this certainly wasn't an elaborate trap.

No, the doors are locked, right?

I don't know.

Yeah, maybe.

We are running out of time.

We really only have time for one final feature on the show, and that is, of course, a little something called plugs.

Open up the blurb bag, everybody's joining in and opening blood.

Open up the black bag, everybody joining in and open up.

Didn't end with a fart noise.

What is going on?

Delivered.

Delivered.

That was Plog Rock by Dan Tastik.

Thank you to Dan Tastik.

If you have a Plugs theme, head over to cbbworld.com/slash plugs.

You can upload it there, and you can be famous for a week.

And Dan Tastik, you are famous for a week.

Absolutely.

What are we plugging here, John?

Obviously, you have a show coming out.

I have a show coming out the day after wet day, Friday, Dry Day.

It's called Your Friends and Neighbors, April 11th.

Apple TV Plus.

First two episodes dropping, then one a week one a week until they're done how many how many are we nine in season one we'll be commencing shooting season two the following week it's very exciting it's shot in New York uh New York upstate New York wow the the the luxury oozes off the screen

why only nine here like if you

to get to 93 in Madonna you're gonna have to do 10 and a half years of this hey your lips to God's ears Scott that would be nice yes indeed thank you very much gonna miss you when you're gone though listen I mean I'm not going anywhere we hate to lose our L.A.

actors.

We like them here, right here in our hometown.

But if you have to move to New York for a little while for a TV show, we also have to-you know what they shoot here in Los Angeles, Scott.

A little show called The Morning Show.

Hey.

Why can't two things be true?

Oh, man.

I think it's a pretty big show.

Like Colossus, I straddled the country one foot on either coast.

All right.

Bob and Tuca, do you have anything you want to plug?

I want to plug an appearance on one of those Turkish hair transplant planes.

Sure.

Plug some plugs.

Plug some plugs.

Okay.

And also,

me and my papa are going to a baseball game.

We're going to

Santa Monica Boardwalk.

Why all the way out to the boardwalk?

We're going to go to a monster truck rally.

All right.

I'm slightly interested in that.

And

we're going to learn to swim.

You don't know how to swim or I don't know how to swim?

I don't know how to swim.

Do you know how to swim?

I don't know how to swim either.

We can both just kind of flail around if you want.

Okay.

Okay, great.

Nothing else to plug?

Oh,

I'll plug my friend's show Dinosaur at Largo at the coronet once a month.

Sure.

Isn't there a podcast maybe that you might want to do?

Sure.

It's called College Town.

I was getting there.

I'm getting there.

Come on, Dad.

If you don't plug your podcast, you're going to get a spanking, young man.

Fine.

It's called College Town.

It's on Comedy Bang Bang World.

Are you happy now?

Yes, I'm happy.

Go straight up to your room.

I'm getting my belly button gear.

Oh, no.

Mike Ruby, anything you want to plug?

Well, of course, I'll be singing Man and Me by Bob Dylan at Punani, the Porcelain Princess's funeral.

Oh, okay.

This Sunday.

Yeah.

Of course,

it's the least I could do.

I listened to this podcast called Scott Asn's Seen.

Oh, yeah, I'm on that.

You listen.

That's me.

Oh, that's you.

You're the Scott.

Interesting.

Yeah, we watch movies.

Is it about keys and sunglasses and stuff?

No, it's not about finding the things I've misplaced.

So you're a deranged human being, is that right?

Yes, and we, by the way, just wrapped up month-month.

That was really clever.

Yeah, where every movie that we watched had a month in the title.

Yeah.

And of course, it was difficult for the hosts to figure out which movies to do.

We finally figured out March of the Penguins at the end, and we were very happy.

A little bit of a stretch, but hey, guess what?

It takes place over a month.

That's right, yeah.

And, you know, I've got a more like four.

I plunge the toilet of this really funny improviser named sean distinct he does this show at ucb third month third wednesday of the month it's called two is the magic number with devin field you can buy live stream tickets for that at ucb theater.com oh yeah they just did one maybe uh

maybe a weeks ago you don't even have to go you don't even have to go you can stand in line you don't have to breathe other people's air sit there in your own house

while you watch it

if you want to watch this guy sean diston improvise and jerk off while you do it he's all for for it.

He wants, he actually likes that.

Hey, that camera don't go both ways.

But that's it, Scott.

That's all I've got.

All right.

I want to plug: hey, we mentioned College Town over on CBB World.

We have so many great shows.

We mentioned Scott Asn's Scene.

We also have the Neighborhood Listen over there.

We have CBB Presents like, hey, Randy.

Bob, you had a show on there for a while, and you keep threatening to come out with another episode for now a year.

I would love to.

It's not in my hands at this point.

It's not in your hands.

Whose hands could they possibly be in?

The editor.

Oh.

So everything's recorded?

Yes.

Oh, okay.

Well, maybe that'll come out very soon then.

You never want to blame below the line.

You know, that's always.

I'm better than that.

Yeah, you are.

It's a poor craftsman that blames.

I got it out of the move.

I got it.

Did you see the way he was looking at me, though?

I felt disappointed.

Disappointed.

No, I get it.

But we have so many great shows over there, plus the entire archive of Comedy Bang Bang, every single episode we've ever recorded.

Ad-free.

909.

That's right.

As well as every live episode we've ever done.

Hundreds of those.

Do you sell any funny t-shirts?

Yeah, we have a great t-shirt that Jack Quaid and my co-host of Scott hasn't seen Spring.

Dennis's boy?

Yeah, Dennis's Boy.

Yeah.

We all came up with a t-shirt that has Godzilla on it holding a pizza, and it says green things like me, like round things like this.

And this is a shirt that has unprecedented engagement with a weird thing.

Weirdly enough, it is the most popular thing I've ever been involved with.

People are taking pictures of it like Angkor Wad all over the world said, I brought my shirt to Thailand in a weird way.

Really crazy.

Anyway, you can get all of that over at CBB World.

All right, let's close up the old plug bag.

Open the black bag with me, dude.

Open the block bag with me, dude.

Just please don't close it and be rude.

Please don't close it and be rude.

You got it.

Please don't close it and be

well.

You got it.

All right, that was Open the Plug Back with Me, Dude, by William Byrne.

Thanks to William Byrne.

And guys,

I want to thank everyone here at this table.

John, always great to have you.

Thank you for having me.

Your 12th appearance.

Got a dirty does.

I love that.

And good luck with the show.

Thank you.

And

many hamburgers to you as well.

Thank you very much for hamburgers.

And

Bob.

Hey, Pop.

Can I borrow the keys to the car?

No, you can.

Me and somebody brows are going to go hang out by the quarry.

Okay, no.

Come on.

No, Bob, but we'll be talking about your privileges

as soon as the show is over.

And then, Mike Ruby, I'm so sorry to hear that you're the target of

some deranged lunatic who hangs out at a gyco's all the time.

Oh, God.

What's going on?

My good friend, No Stench, Wayne Wrench,

was folded up in a suitcase and mailed to Abu Dhabi's God.

Top secret style?

He was killed top secret style.

That'd be expensive to mail a suitcase.

It was very expensive.

I'm glad you guys are having fun with this.

This is just kind of the hardest time of my life, right?

Did it, when it, when it got there, did it have like a bunch of

steamer trunk stickers?

It had gone through Albuquerque.

It had gone through many stops.

Wow.

But it's fine.

I'm still alive, Scott, and I will live forever.

And that's not going to change.

Sure.

Yeah, of course.

Assuming that this entire podcast wasn't a trap for a deranged lunatic to M.

Night Shyamalan.

What the hell is M.

Night Shyamalan doing?

Who let M.

Night Shyamalan in here?

His daughter's singing and it's pretty good.

All right, we'll see you next time.

Thanks.

Bye.

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Hey everybody, it's Paul Shear, host of How Did This Get Made, a podcast that covers the best, worst movies.

This week, we're diving into the brand new War of the Worlds reboot starring Ice Cube.

Yes, the movie that got 2% on Rotten Tomatoes.

Ice Cube is saving the world from aliens via his computer.

It's so convoluted, this plot, but basically, if you have an Amazon account, you can save the day just like Ice Cube.

There is so much going on in this movie.

So join me, June Diane Rayfill, and Jason Manzukis, as we break down every bizarre choice and every Ice Cube one-liner on this week's episode of How Did This Get Made?

The podcast that makes sense of movies that don't.