Bonus Bang: Adam Scott, Will Hines, Suzi Barrett (Hot 4 Scott)

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Hey everyone, Scott Ackerman here, and welcome to another bonus bang, where we re-release great episodes of Comedy Bang Bang out from behind the paywall.

This week, we are continuing our series that we just started last week.

It's called Hot for Scott, and it features our good friend Adam Scott.

He's been on the show ever since the beginning, and we're trotting out old episodes that he's been on.

This week, we're re-releasing an episode

called, not tall, Adam's a medium-sized gentleman.

It's called From Candy Boy to TV Boy.

Now, this was originally released April 3rd, 2022, as episode 751.

Now, in this episode, Adam Scott joined me to tell the tale of going from a simple candy boy making taffy in a candy store to a TV boy starring in shows like Party Down and Severance.

I believe he is promoting the season one finale of Severance on this episode.

Of course, both season one and season two are out on Apple TV Plus right now, and you can vote for them at the Emmys if you're a TV Academy person.

This episode also features Will Hines as shoe designer Thomas Mashed Potatoes and Susie Barrett as romance novelist Mariska Binabouda.

Now, if you enjoyed this episode and you want to hear other great episodes of Comedy Bang Bang, become a subscriber at cbbworld.com.

We have all of the past episodes from the archives, every live show we've done, ad-free new episodes, and original shows like CBB Presents and Scott Hasn't Seen.

We're going to be back Monday with a new episode of Comedy Bang Bang, but until then, enjoy this bonus bang.

What were those two birds doing with one stone anyway?

Seems suspicious.

I'm glad they're dead.

Welcome to Comedy Bang Bang.

Okay,

interesting.

Interesting.

Oh, by the way, thank you so much to Joey Otweets.

Joey O'Tweets for that catchphrase submission.

Welcome to Comedy Bang Bang for another edition.

And

I gotta say, we are still technically in the backyard, but we have moved indoors because what is this, wet day?

No, we all know wet day is a week away.

But it is raining.

Wet weather is pounding the Southland here.

And so we had to move it indoors.

Hopefully our streak will continue of good shows.

But if not, it's because we put a ceiling above us.

And speaking of ceilings, we have a great show.

Our first guest has crashed through the

ceiling of from non-fame into fame

and done so very adroitly.

He has a, by the way, coming up a little later, we have a shoe designer and a novelist, but no one cares about that.

We want to talk to the Hollywood stars and the stars are back.

That's right.

He has a show on Apple TV

plus

called Severance.

It sounds like you're going to say something like something in addition to a show on Apple TV.

He has a show on Apple TV plus a show on Peacock.

That would be great, wouldn't it?

Sure, yeah.

I'd take them both.

Why don't you move that a little closer to your mouth?

Yeah.

You know, not that you don't have to move the entire mic stand, but just the literal actual thing to talk to.

Oh, much better.

I love that.

Talk about it.

I love it too.

Say, uh, can you say every word in the English language and we'll test it out?

Okay, I'm going to start with numbers: one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten, eleven, twelve, thirteen, fourteen, fifteen, sixteen, seventeen, eighteen, nineteen, twenty, twenty one, twenty two, twenty three, twenty-four twenty-five, twenty-six, twenty-seven, twenty-eight, twenty-one.

Those are all words, they are all I just took care of those words as well.

But you're saying them as numbers because you're going to have to repeat them once you go alphabetical, right?

Because they're in quotations, and then I'll say the word versions later.

And by the way, say every homophone as well.

So, every what?

Homophone?

Homophone.

Homophone.

Homophone.

Okay, thank you.

That's all the homophones.

Yes, thank you.

You said about five of them, so I appreciate that.

That's right.

But he has this show.

It's called Severance.

And please welcome back to the show, Adam Scott.

Hello.

Hi, Scott.

Hi, it's great to see you again.

You too, man.

You too, man.

You too.

Remember our old show?

By the way,

a lot of U2 news.

Really?

What?

I don't know.

Oh, there's

the biopic.

The biopic that is so weird.

what are what's gonna happen in the biopic like they're gonna they're gonna struggle for two years who's gonna become incredibly famous who's gonna play us seriously what if i played you and you played me that would be fantastic how are you gonna get into gaming this is how i'm gonna play you

i'm just gonna be constantly jerking off

um because if they make this biopic there and i'm not saying it definitely will happen but there is a chance

pretty good chance pretty good i would say 100%

chance,

at least 101%

chance.

If not 110, which we all know is very standard for percentages, that's right.

Anything below 110% chance is like a 2% chance.

Yeah, exactly.

But

you're saying 101% chance that we're

that we will figure into this story prominently

prominently

like on the poster

instead of you two

it might might actually get more butts and seats oh man what but what what could possibly happen in this biopic like we did text about this the day that iphone thing would be like the late second act like dark night of the soul for them that's right no one wants our album on their iphones that's right when they go walkie in the rain soul searching there's that scene like that Truman show scene that's in every movie where something happens on live TV where you just suddenly drop into a bar and then someone's house and then an old man by himself watching TV and you see everyone getting the album on their phone and freaking out.

I used to, when I watched it.

And then the two people that are happy about it are you and me were like, yes.

And you're on a plane, as I recall, and you're like, I don't have Wi-Fi on the plane.

I'm going to wait till I land till I get it.

And that's like our

third actor.

And then the plane explodes and the movie ends.

The day the music died.

That's right.

I remember when I saw the Truman show, I was very upset that they kept going back to the same people because it made it feel small.

Same.

And I was like, why not get, you know, instead of keep going back to the same three people, you know, watching this thing, like, and then I realized how expensive that would be.

But also, it's like, it kept being a person in their bathtub watching Truman.

Right.

And that's dangerous.

Yeah.

You have that much electricity near the bottom.

You know what I mean?

It just puts me on edge.

You don't want your audience worried about the old man in the bathtub.

Exactly.

I mean, that is a, I mean, you've heard of Save the Cat.

That's exactly right.

It's your screenwriting book title.

The old man in the bathtub.

You don't want the audience to worry about the old man in the bathtub.

That's right.

Adam,

you're back on Comedy Bang Bang.

It's been a while.

It's been a while.

A lot of people saying, where's Adam?

His show came out.

Where is he?

How come he's not on the show?

I hope they're not fighting.

I hope they're still tight with each other.

Explain yourself.

Well, you know,

well,

truly, though, the reason was

because I was

when the show came out, I was

shooting Party Down.

Yes.

And we didn't have, we tried and couldn't find a day to do it.

And I have a no pink bow tie rule that's right on the show.

And while I shoot Party Down, I wear a pink bow tie 24 hours a day.

Exactly.

Everyone knows that.

Yeah, you were shooting.

And how did that go?

Can you give us the first slusie on

what happened, who's playing who?

The sklooce on that is that it did not go well.

Really?

Oh, no.

Yeah, yeah.

Because

I mean, everyone is such a big fan of that show.

I know.

It's a bummer.

And it just, like, what happened?

Just like bad writing, bad directing, bad acting?

The writing was bad.

The writing was bad.

And we all got together and kind of looked at each other and thought,

It's been 12 years for a reason.

Yeah.

That's the thing.

You guys stopped doing the show because you hated it.

And we

then suddenly to be back.

We didn't like making the show.

We didn't like each other.

I mean, we were fine with each other.

Like, you're fine with each other, but the literal process of making a show, like having to stand in front of cameras and stuff like that, just sounds so draining.

It is.

It's exhausting.

And sometimes you have to wake up early and get in a car and drive there.

Yeah, sometimes you have to wake up at like 10:30 a.m.

They just assume you have a car,

first of all.

Yeah.

It's like, hey, ask me.

I mean, yeah, I do, but I'd love to be asked.

Yeah, it's, you know what it is?

It's manners.

Do you have a car?

Do you have a gas tank in the car?

Does it have gas in it?

Does it have all four wheels?

Three simple questions.

Are there four wheels on it?

That's a perfect example of the kind of shit

that you have to put up.

That's why people get up and slap people at award ceremonies because of this kind of crap.

Weird reboot of the slap, isn't it?

Sure was.

Speaking of reboots.

Yeah.

Now, so party down, not going to come out.

Is that basically what I'm hearing?

You know what?

Unfortunately, it will have to come out at some point.

That's the way it works.

That's another thing.

They don't tell you.

This is going to be released.

Right.

Yeah.

Because you would love to have the option of like everyone has a bad time.

You look at each other and go, eh, forget it.

Let's

burn this to the ground.

Yeah.

That's not an option.

Anyway.

So when does it actually,

when do we have to watch this thing?

I actually don't know.

Really?

It seems like exclusive.

No, I really have no idea.

Really?

No one ever came up to you and said, hey, by the way, Adam, this is coming out in September.

This is going to be awesome.

Nope.

No.

No, one person.

No, I really don't know.

I think they're just figuring out when they're going to be.

They're like, hey, clear Labor Day because we're going to be fucking putting this out.

You're going to

gather your family around.

It's going to be so fucking good.

Because Labor Day is true, you know, the best day.

Famously, the best day to put a TV show up.

Um, well, that's great.

Uh, you have two TV shows.

I remember the day when you had none, me too.

Remember those days, yeah, like

three months ago.

Well, also, when you started because you thought you were going to be a movie boy, a movie boy, doesn't

and instead you became a TV, you became a TV boy, a TV boy, the boy of TV.

First, I was a candy boy.

You're a candy boy.

I thought I was going to be a movie boy.

For people who don't know and haven't heard our other show about various bands, Adam started on the Santa Cruz Pier as a candy boy.

Santa Cruz beach boardwalk.

Beachboard walk, sorry, as a candy boy.

And explain what a candy boy is.

A candy boy is literally what they called us.

We were the boys that made the candy at Marini's.

Still there.

You can go.

You can go.

And there are still plenty of candy boys there right now.

There are candy boys there dressed in white, making taffy and

waving to tourists.

Are you in the candy boy hall of fame?

Do they have like headshots up there of like all the candy boys who have made it?

Or do they consider what you've done to be selling out?

And they put up like, you know, pictures of candy boys who actually make candy who remained candy boys throughout their lives.

Yeah, that's right.

I'm persona non grado right there.

Do you go there every single time you go back to Santa Cruz?

Every single time.

Kind of like, cause I know you're probably in, you know, incognito and you're wearing a baseball cap and then a beard.

beard.

Yeah.

Just like slowly lift up the baseball cap and then take off the fake beard.

You're like, guess who?

Hey, guys.

It's me.

And they just continue making candy.

So Candy Boy to hoping to be a movie boy, but then kind of going, well, you know, Krampus and all that.

But hey, TV Boy is where it's at.

Now, two TV shows,

one of which is called Severance.

And

the season finale of which comes out this week.

That's right.

And severance is about the age-old question, is it not?

How do you separate work and family?

Yeah, it's a very, very, it's that question we all

stay up all night thinking about.

Sure.

All night.

Yeah.

Family, work.

Work.

How do you

keep them apart?

Even the words are so similar.

Family and work, they rhyme.

Yeah.

I know.

So it's hard to say one without saying the other.

You can't.

You can't.

Oh, it's just too, it's, it's too hard.

So it's like, I, I have to go spend time with my work.

I mean, my family.

I mean,

I'm going to go put my

work to bed.

I mean, my family.

I'm going to bring my work on vacation.

I mean, my family.

I mean, my family.

It's just the things that we all say every single day on and on.

And so finally, when someone else, and I don't want to know who, but when someone wrote this show, you must have been like, whoa.

Yeah.

That was my only reaction.

And then, whoa,

whoa, whoa.

Yeah.

I can only imagine.

And the next thing I knew, I was on the set making it.

But they asked about the car.

They asked about the gas tank.

They did.

Yeah.

Okay.

They did.

They said, do you have a car?

Does it have four wheels?

Does it have a gas tank?

Is there gas in it?

And when all of the answers to those were no, they said, okay, we'll buy you a car.

We'll buy you a gas tank.

We'll buy you four wheels.

Four wheels and put gas in all.

That's right.

So now, Ben Stiller directs this show, does he not?

Now, I got to ask, did he have that jizz in his hair from something about Mary the entire time?

No one knows that

that's

still there.

That's how Ben works.

Yeah, Ben directed it.

I can feel you pivoting towards a serious answer.

I'm very interested.

I should say Apha McCartle also directed three of them and did a great job.

Which three?

Number four, five, and six.

Numbers four, five, and six.

Really?

Which are words.

They are.

Yes.

Thank you for saying those.

Was Ben, what was going on with Ben during four, five, and six?

He disappeared.

Really?

Just off the grid?

Yeah.

Does he do that a lot?

Is that

when

the numbers four, five, and six

anytime they come up?

Well,

half the city disappears.

Really?

Yeah.

You didn't.

Half of which city?

You filmed in New York City?

You filmed in New York City.

All of New York disappears.

Whenever there's a television show filming

and they get to episodes four, five, or six, half the city disappears.

The city, which half?

Is it like not the upper west side?

Oh, no, no, no, no.

Oh, thank goodness.

No,

half the population just disappears.

They go to the Hamptons.

Oh, I see.

okay this so this is the summer this is summertime oh okay i understand i understand what's happening and it always just coincidentally coincides with four five and six of all tv shows right yeah okay the schedule yeah you start with one in january and by the time you get to four it's summer yeah yeah and what's uh i mean this this show god uh you know you gotta tell people what it's about

uh

don't you really in a situation like this

uh yeah it's uh science fiction

like lasers and lasers, space monsters, and shit like that.

Monsters and spaceships, and uh, and different planets.

We, every episode, we're on a different planet.

Wow, really?

So, ones in our solar system, or that's okay, so you go from Earth.

Uh, no, it's uh, there's a you get a chip in your brain, and you go to work, and you don't know who you are in the outside world, and then you leave work and you don't know what what you did at work or what your job is at all.

So you don't have that stress of like, oh gosh,

I'm spending all night thinking about what I have to do.

That's right.

But at the same time, you have no idea what you do for a living.

That's right.

You can enjoy your personal life and focus on your work completely.

They're totally separate.

No, this TV show doesn't make sense because I think that like so much of your identity is wrapped up in

how good you are at your job and stuff like that.

So it doesn't make sense.

And I don't think this is a good TV show.

Well,

that's the initial knee-jerk reaction

that

I would expect you to have.

That is what they deal with on the show.

Whoa.

No, that's what's explored.

Oh, okay.

Yeah.

Interesting.

Oh, okay.

I was thinking that if they were not to bring that up and everyone just has a good time the entire time.

Yeah, no, that's not what happened.

So you're saying it's a bad thing.

Well, it's not necessarily a bad thing, but, you know, there might be some conflict involved in, you know, exploring that scenario.

Still, you know, when I think about like, I can only imagine that I would be at work and not knowing I have a family and like be hitting on everyone, you know, who's there at work and stuff like that.

So that's why you, that's why it's a bad idea.

So when you, when you, when you would be at work and cut off from the outside world, you would just be a total horn dog.

Yeah.

So is every character horny all the time?

That's what I mean.

That's just a bunch of horn dogs.

Oh, man.

I'm so glad we get to say horn dog today.

I thought we wouldn't.

I thought we wouldn't, yeah.

Did they consider calling the show the horn dogs instead of whatever it is called?

There were a bunch of titles.

Oh, okay.

And I'd be lying if I said horn dogs wasn't one of them.

So, what are the other?

I mean, what made the top

five?

Well, why don't you guess?

And I'll tell you if you're right or not.

Okay.

Peculiar jerk

and his wacky neighbors and friends.

Yeah, that was on the list.

That was on the list, really.

That was on the longer list.

Oh, okay.

Which was three titles.

Three titles.

Oh, wow.

That's a super long list.

Okay.

The ugly man has a decision to make.

That was actually on the longer list than the

four titles.

Wow.

The feckless cuck

can't seem to figure out his shit.

That was number two.

That was number two.

That was number two.

And then

what it ended up being

severance was number one.

Severance was number one.

That's so interesting.

And they just went with number one because we ran out of time.

Oh, yeah, totally.

Yeah.

Oh, let's just, which is, by the way, how REM came out with that out of time record title.

Did they not?

They were out of time, literally.

They totally were out of time.

You should have called it out of time.

That would have been a good idea.

Although people would have thought it was about time travel.

We can always change the title.

That's the thing.

Not enough enough shows change the title in the middle of the run.

That's right.

You know what I mean?

And I think, first of all, it's a good trick to try to trick people into watching something if they're not.

That's right.

Or repeating

their viewing experience of the show because they think it's a new show.

They think it's a new show, and so they watch the first season all over again.

That's right.

This is a good idea.

Yeah, you know what?

I'm going to call Apple TV.

Plus, I'm going to tell them that idea.

Who are the people over there at Apple?

You hanging out with Tim Cook all the time?

Yeah.

He's confusing, right?

Because his name is Cook and then he works with computers.

It's like, change your name to Tim Computer.

Yeah, but who knows?

Maybe he's a terrific cook.

I don't know.

I don't know.

He could be.

Did he cook for you while you were hanging out with him?

No.

This is weird.

I know.

Like, he's a weird guy, right?

Well, no, not necessarily.

I just think that, like, if

your name was Scott Bicycle,

you know,

what would you expect to see me on

every second of the day?

I would would expect you to at least acknowledge that a bicycle is something that

people would expect you to be riding.

Right.

So, like, if I were to come up to you and say, hi, my name's Scott Bicycle, it's just a name.

I'm not on one right now.

These are my legs.

So, Tim Cook, to put everyone at ease, whenever he meets people, I'm sure he says, listen, I know you're expecting me to be making a baked Alaska right now.

Well, not only that, but he works with Apple.

Right, which is a food.

Which is a food.

It's like, dude, come on.

it's computers.

Yeah, and it's freaking everyone out.

Yeah.

This is a problem on the show.

This was a huge,

a huge issue.

Everyone was so confused constantly if Tim Cook was making a meal or not, wherever he was.

Yeah, because I'm sure he was never on the set, but no.

But you were constantly getting intel, I'm sure, about what he was doing.

I think it was more we were all just wondering, I wonder if he's making something delicious.

Were you constantly going to craft servicing, Tim?

That's right.

Anytime food was around.

Tim, is that you?

Well, this sounds like a great show and one that people definitely should be watching and binging,

binge watching,

you know, at least binge watching one episode at a time.

Binge viewing?

Binge viewing,

another great way to watch it.

You could also like do sort of mini watches, which are like one minute at a time.

One minute.

You know,

you could also like consider it your job and then do like what Severance does, which is watch it as a job and then go spend time with your family and never think about it again.

And figure out how to get paid for watching it as a job.

Yeah.

You know, you could also pretend that it's a

what was that network called where their shows were five minutes a quibby show and just watch it in 10 seconds.

Everything technically is a quibby show if you just watch you know that's right.

10 seconds of that's exactly right.

You know what I mean?

Quibi,

good idea.

Yeah.

Right?

Sure.

I mean, 11-minute shows.

Sure.

Why not?

What could go wrong?

What could go wrong?

You know?

But Severance is not 11 minutes.

It is, as a matter of fact, more in the 60-minute range.

And 60 minutes, you will not spend better elsewhere.

It is a fantastic show.

I'm sure

once I watch it,

I'm going to really mean that.

No, I'm glad that it created that impression.

I mean, it seems like quality TV.

The reviews have been good.

People are saying, like, wow, Adam, you know, he was once known for light comedy,

doing parks and recreation and party down and just sort of like, you know, spending his time doing that kind of thing.

And now he's known for whatever this is.

And it's, you know, some really good reviews.

I couldn't dream of a better review than that.

That is,

that is, that is what I've been doing.

It's an actor's dream.

That is right.

That's right.

Well,

shall we see you at the Emmys this year, do you think?

Do you think this is the year where finally Adam Scott gets recognized?

You know what?

I don't think so.

Okay.

I don't think so.

But now, can I keep you to your promise

that you made about the Oscars, if you recall?

Of course, of course.

The Emmy is going to be tough.

Remind me of the promise.

If you won an Oscar, you promised our listeners that you would go on stage and say, I'm going to shove this up my butt.

You know what?

That's less crazy than what happened last night.

Yeah, that's true.

Ah, well, Adam Scott is here.

Severance is the title.

It's also the show.

It's also the show.

And the new episodes come out on Fridays.

This Friday is the final one.

It's also a season finale, but hopefully not the series finale.

Am I right?

I hope so, too.

There are nine episodes this season, so if you want to catch up, there are eight.

And then the final one is on Friday, which would make nine.

And that's the whole season.

Yeah.

So if you could, I mean, it's Monday today.

There's four days until Friday.

Two hours a day.

Is that too much to ask?

No.

That's two-thirds of a Batman.

It's nothing.

Did you see Batman yet?

I did.

I haven't seen it.

Oh, cool.

John Toturo's in it.

He's on Severance.

Oh, yeah.

He's great.

Christopher Walken is on Severance.

That's right.

Patricia Arquette.

Patricia Arquette.

This is like a real who's who and you.

Yeah.

It's and Zach Cherry.

Zach Cherry.

Britt Lauer.

Okay.

Tramel Tillman.

Now we're just saying names.

Yeah.

These are the cast members.

So do you ever arrive on set and you're like, I don't belong here.

I'm a piece of shit.

Here I am, like talking to John Taturo, one of the greatest, and Christopher Walken, two of of the, and Patricia Arquette, multiple, did she win multiple Oscars or just the one still?

She won an Oscar and Emmy.

Yeah.

What hasn't Patricia Arquette won?

Yeah, exactly.

I mean, I guess the Tony and the Pulitzer.

Pulitzer, yeah.

She will.

She will.

Spike Guy's Choice Award.

It's coming.

Oh, man, that Guy's Choice Award, that is elusive.

Yeah.

What about the Espies?

Maybe she'll win an Espie.

Oh, yeah.

Sunday.

What do you got to do to win an Espy?

Just be a running back.

Yeah.

Or do really incredible dunk.

Yeah.

She can do it.

Dunk the basketball.

I'm sure she, I mean, how long, and this is a serious question.

How long would it take Patricia Arquette, who's so adept at doing anything?

It seems like she can do anything.

Yeah.

To learn how to dunk a basketball, you know?

10 minutes.

Probably 10 minutes.

Yeah, exactly.

Severance is the title.

It's eight hours of your time until Friday, and then it'll take another hour.

So nine hours total.

It's not much to ask.

This is Adam scott he's one of our oldest friends on the show he's how long have you been you've been on the show for 13 years at this point is that is that right we're since you were a radio show yeah since you're a radio program he wants nine hours of your time i need your nine hours

he needs nine hours of your time that's you're telling me you haven't listened to more than nine hours of him jabbering about exactly about you two and rem and everything he now he needs these nine hours

you've listened to over nine hours of me talking about the very stupidest shit.

Now I just want you to watch something good

for nine hours.

For nine hours.

That's all he needs.

That's it.

God, you've, I mean, think of the stupid shit you've done in your life for nine hours.

More than nine hours.

Do this.

Do this for Adam Scott.

Yeah.

Thanks, Scott.

All right.

Very good.

Well, we need to take a break.

Is that all right with you?

Oh, I'm excited about our guests.

Yes, we have a

coming up.

We have

a shoe designer and a novelist.

You ever read a book?

That's exciting.

Read a what?

A book.

God, how do I explain it?

Are we going to talk about the Red Hot Chill Peps?

Probably not.

Okay.

Okay.

All right.

Although that album came out Friday.

Oh, it did.

Yeah, yeah, I know.

Yeah.

What do you think?

Well,

that's why I want to talk.

Okay.

I want to talk about it.

Should we talk about it on our other show?

Maybe so.

Okay, great.

All right, we're going to take take a break.

When we come back, we have a shoe designer and a novelist.

This is very exciting.

Our old buddy, Adam Scott, he just wants nine hours of your time.

Nine.

He'll be right back.

We'll be right back with more company.

Bye, Meg Evis.

Bye.

Maybe.

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Comedy bang bang, we're back.

Adam Scott, we have just been talking about the Red Hot Chili Puppers these time.

On and on and on and on and on.

But we were also, to be fair, we're recording our other show during the break.

Yeah, yeah.

We did a full, how many episodes did we end up doing?

14.

14 episodes.

On this one album.

Yeah.

Yeah.

How many songs are on there on the actual 17?

So, so yeah, we still have three more to go.

We'll do that in the next break.

Sure.

Uh, but we need to get to our next guest.

Um, he's a shoe designer.

Um, please welcome to the show, Thomas Mashed Potatoes.

Hello, thanks for having me.

Hi, Tom.

Thomas Mashed Potatoes.

Yes, I'm so glad to see you.

Interesting, it's hyphenated, I see.

Yes, mashed hyphened potatoes, Thomas.

Thank you.

Yeah, yeah, this is Adam Scott.

Oh, hi, hi, nice to meet you.

Oh, hi.

Yeah, you too.

I love your shoes.

Oh, thanks.

Yeah, so you're you're I'm a shoe designer.

Yeah, Oxfords are my specialty.

Oxfords, really?

Yes, I love that.

What is there to design about Oxfords?

Because aren't they all just kind of come out the same way?

No, no, that is.

Okay, what are what's the criteria that makes it an Oxford?

Love that you're asking me.

It is, um, you've got whether it's a wingtip or not.

Okay.

Another word for wingtip is a brogue.

Okay.

So a full brogue is if you have the full wingtip, like the many, many dots you and a wingtip is, yeah, it's just like the dots and the perforations, decorations.

Is that braille?

I've never thought of it as braille, but let me just check.

Let me feel this one.

I believe this is Braille.

Could a blind man or daredevil or whatever, like, go down there and feel a shoe on it?

A blind man or daredevil, either one could equally do well at feeling the bumps on a shoe and trying to interpret them perhaps.

Or a phenomenal.

Did they actually say something, though?

Like, hi, this is a shoe you're feeling.

That is a great suggestion, and I've never thought of putting messages into my wingtip designs, but you certainly could.

Is this one?

And the medium would allow it.

The one you're holding now, does that have a message in it, or are you feeling it?

I'm just checking now.

I unfortunately have inadvertently, it seems, I do happen to know Braille, and I've never thought to check this.

How did you learn Braille?

Oh, gosh, I was an overachieving Boy Scout.

I just, I got everything.

That was a merit badge?

Oh, yeah.

Braille's a huge one.

Archibility Land.

Fluent in Braille and ASL and Semaphore.

Really?

That's the flags.

The flags.

Yeah, they trade every Boy Scout and Girl Scout because now girls are allowed in the Boy Scout.

What do you think about that?

You're frowning.

I love you.

I'm just, I'm scared of change by nature, and also women terrify me.

You were doing a thumbs down side of the business.

I have some issues that have, that have, that are coming out.

Yes.

I know that I should be into it.

Let's put it that way.

I get it.

You were doing it like you didn't think anyone was going to hear it on the show.

So it was like a safe space for you.

So I'm sorry to call it out.

No, no, no.

I appreciate it because I'm in therapy to try to improve my admittedly very backwards and hateful positions on women and most social issues.

But I know that I'm wrong and I'm trying to do better.

Well, that's good.

Thank you so much.

But yes, I fear and loathe women.

And then also.

yes, but I love shoes.

And

primarily, which is more important to you?

The fearing and loathing women or the shoes?

I tune into the shoes.

I don't love the detestable and abhorrent part of my personalities.

Please,

my intention is to be a good person.

Okay.

Well, you know, the best we can do is just keep trying and keep plugging away at it.

Gosh, that is soothing to me.

Yeah.

I love a low expectations mantra.

mantra.

That's wonderful.

So you're shoes.

Yeah.

So wing tips is one way you can go.

Also, the hue and color.

There's a variety of browns and blues and blacks in your traditional Oxfords.

You know, I don't think that colors are necessarily, you know, when I say, like, what is an Oxford?

What are the criteria of an Oxford?

You don't think of that as a

part of what makes it necessary?

Yeah, like the Oxfords can be different.

No, you know, a traditional Oxford tends to be from the blue, black, or brown hue.

Certainly, you can have a green Oxford.

Well, then what are we talking about?

But the true Oxford aficionados will know you're taking a risk.

Okay.

You're taking a risk if you go into the green hues.

But what is an Oxford hue?

An almond hue is a classic.

We're talking about colors.

Sorry.

Once I get going, I'm like a wind-up

man.

What makes an Oxford is it's a hard shoe, right?

With a hard sole.

It's a hard shoe.

It's a dress shoe.

It's a hard shoe.

It's a dress shoe.

Yeah, it's a dressy shoe.

You can say that about a lot of things.

What distinguishes an Oxford?

It's a narrow toe as a traditional Oxford.

If you got a wide, fat toe in an Oxford, that ain't nothing.

It's not an Oxford.

Okay,

maybe it's easier to describe what isn't an Oxford than it is to describe what an Oxford actually is.

All right.

No, for me, not for you, because you're a shoe designer

down.

I don't know.

Tell us exactly what it is.

And I will educate you, the dummy, on what it takes to be an Oxford or not an Oxford.

So no representations of human faces.

Okay.

Some shoes have drawings of humans on them or like drawings of humans?

Drawings of humans.

What do you call the old Michael Jordan Nike symbol?

That's a drawing of a human.

Oh, yeah.

I mean, not a face.

I mean, it's more of a silhouette, right?

But any representation of human.

Michael Jordan.

Yeah.

Adam, by the way, is posing in that pose right now.

Yeah, just like that, Adam.

That's exactly right.

I literally can't think of another shoe other than Air Jordan's that have

a drawing of a human on them.

I feel like I've seen it.

I remember.

Mr.

Brown?

Okay, I don't mean to show my age, but in the early 80s, there was a whole happy days line of shoes where you could get the on the back of a shoe.

On the back of a shoe.

Ralph Mouth on the back of a shoe.

Ralph Mouth on the back of a shoe.

I was a Ralph Mouth guy.

I like George Harrison's my favorite Beatle and Ralph Mouth was my favorite happy days.

George Harrison is not the Ralph Malth of

the Beatles.

George Harrison is absolutely he is the Ralph Mouth of the Beatles.

George Malthus is constantly being told to sit on it.

Yeah, and so is George Harrison.

No, too.

That's at least the third most favorite Beetle of everyone.

Yeah, but Ralph Malph is the third most favorite happy days after Fonzie and Richie.

No, you got Fonzie and Richie.

That's the John and Paul.

Right?

We agree on that.

That's fine.

But Mr.

C.

Oh, that's George Martin.

You're out of your mind.

He's not in the band.

No, but that's...

Are you crazy?

You're not even mentioning Mrs.

C.

She's not in the band?

Sure, she is.

She's got a hatred of women.

Sorry, that's exciting.

Hang on.

You're right.

You're right, Adam.

And thank you.

Mr.

and Mrs.

C are like the rhythm section of Happy Days.

Yeah.

Interesting take.

so ringo ringo and uh and Paul is what you're trying to say.

That's right.

Mr.

and Mrs.

C are the Ringo and Paul.

That's right.

What about Joni?

What about Chachi?

Joani, that's interesting.

I'd say they're like the Jerry and the Pacemakers, like a spin-off that's inspired greatly by the original ensemble.

You know a lot about the Beatles.

Never heard.

It's like you have a podcast.

I've never heard of, I've got to be honest, I'm gleaning just from this conversation what they're about.

Really?

I'm guessing.

Oh, off the dome.

I heard somebody yesterday make fun of George Harrison.

I was like, I got to work that in.

Okay.

I actually don't care about this person is saying.

This person, I was walking near a cabby and he was like, get out of my cab.

You're like the George Harrison of passengers.

And I could tell it was a pejorative.

So I held on to it and I was like, I'm going to use that as an insult because I'm trying to appear smarter.

Interesting.

Yeah.

Cab driver.

Anyway, Oxfords.

So narrow-toe,

no human faces.

No human faces.

That's important.

Oh, this was a literate cabby.

He was an erudite man.

You can see.

He was really giving them the what for.

And I got to be honest, the passengers seemed like they deserved it.

You can't always tell when you're just walking by an altercation, but this sort of seemed like two sort of ne'er-do-well aggro alpha, no good, no-goods.

Okay, so the two alphas coming out of each other.

They just say they're their children.

Sometimes big dog got a bark.

Sometimes big dog got a bark.

Were they passengers with you in the cab?

No, no, no.

I was walking by.

I had nothing to do with you.

Oh, so the cabby wasn't yelling this at you.

No, no, no, no.

I was walking by.

Do you not own a car?

I don't.

I like to walk.

I'm a shoe guy and I'm a foot guy.

So you, when you say you're a shoe guy, you like to put them to work.

Absolutely.

I'm not one.

I don't like to, hey, shoes ain't made to be put on a shelf.

You put them on your feet.

They're not, they're not meant to press gas pedals up and down.

No, you got to get out there.

And

it's for man and woman to walk around the earth.

You must go through a lot of shoes if all you do is walk.

If that's what you do,

and a well-made shoe will last you, even if you're putting serious miles on it, you're going to get one to two years out of a good well-made shoe.

Really?

No, I should say I don't walk around in my Oxfords too much because that's a dress shoe for formal occasions.

It's not a walking shoe.

Oh, what do you walk in?

I walk in trainers, as the Brits call them.

Or I'm so sorry, sneakers.

Oh, God.

It's kind of, you know, trainers makes more sense.

Yes, but yeah.

You know, we hear

you.

Where are you sneaking around to in your dressers?

Rarely, if ever.

But training, you're running.

That's a form of training.

You do that in your trainers.

Exactly.

Or any kind of athletic.

Do you design these types of shoes?

The athletic shoes?

No, no, you're just special.

I've done it

as a matter of apprenticing my Oxford skills.

You mentioned the Air Jordans.

Did you design those?

I wish.

I wish.

I went through a strict apprenticeship where you had to make a lot of Air Jordans as part of your certification.

You had to prove that you could theoretically, if asked, make an actual.

Oh, so this wasn't even for the Nike Corporation.

They were just like, you know, part of your training.

Hey, make an Air Jordan.

I apprenticed with a distinguished cobbler in New England, and he was great, and he would make you make every kind of sort of classic shoe.

Oh, really?

So what are the classics?

What do we got here?

Sandals.

Sandals.

Air Jordans.

Birkenstocks.

No, this guy didn't respect Birkenstock because he was very anti-hippie.

So anything that sort of...

What did he have against hippies?

Oh, God knows.

He didn't like drugs.

Was it the culture?

Oh, it was drugged.

He was older.

You know, he just never thought about the air part of it.

He just, you know, he was a real like pro-government.

You stand up and you salute old glory.

What about the free love?

Was he conservative?

No, he was very conservative.

I don't know.

Just a one-woman guy?

He had one woman.

Yeah, he was married not happily.

I mean, this guy had a lot of issues in his emotional life, which I unfortunately.

What was going on in his marriage?

i think they just weren't happy and but they stuck it out because they came from a generation where you just you don't give up right and how did you

i had an affair had an affair with his wife

we became very close and um it ended my it ended my apprenticeship oh no so you never completed your actual apprenticeship did you have to start over with another

uh i never

not only a new uh apprent uh uh master what do you call uh someone you think you do are supposed to call them a master but nobody does that

not only a new master but did you have to start over with a new woman?

I did.

I mean, I lost my relationship and friendship, and I felt that I had learned enough, so I did not begin my training anew from the woman and the man learning these shoes.

Like, oh, I get this.

This goes in here.

I mean, look, she was very sexually adventurous, and I suppose I did learn things from her, but I did not see that as an apprenticeship.

I just saw that as

a relationship of passion that went awry.

And I betrayed my teacher, and I felt bad about it.

It was not right to anybody.

I was doing nobody any good.

But how long did you feel bad a couple days yeah

and then i was like you know what's done is better

yeah on to more shoes on to more shoes so you've you've designed mainly you're an oxford guy thank you right yes mainly i'm an oxfield and i have a little etsy shop uh which is currently not up because it's been banned for hate speech uh oh boy

not mine not mine

from other customers i've unfortunately i attract a lot of jerks and so really why why would you i mean what what is it about your shoes that i mean you know what they say, like, if you're a comedian who has like a shitty audience, you're partly responsible for it.

Well, hey, I agree with that.

I want to do better.

I'm talking to my audience right now.

Oh, you're talking about yourself?

You seem to be a jovial fellow.

I wouldn't think of you as someone who attracts a bunch of jerks.

But what is it about your Etsy shop that's attracting these people who are leaving Haiti?

I have a lot of like aggressive and preemptively defensive shoe names.

Oh, like what?

One of them is like the real side of the story wing tips.

Another one is What the Left left won't say.

And why are you...

I don't know why I do it.

I want salty names of brands to try to like get people.

I'm having to trust.

It's getting my attention.

Yeah.

Yeah.

So, and I don't even agree with those things.

But

I can understand you pander to a certain audience.

That's what it is.

It's pandering.

And so I'm not going to do that anymore.

So when my Etsy shop is allowed back online, it's going to be.

perfunctory and unremarkable names only.

Okay, so.

And I'm going to try to just make it on the quality of the shoe.

Okay.

And are these shoes quality?

I would say, yes.

I mean, of course, that's also.

of what type of quality, good or poor?

I would say good, the high and good quality, the admirable and desirable quality.

Okay.

What makes them so good in your life?

They're well made.

They will last you a long time.

They are fast.

You can't just say, when I say, why are these shoes good?

You can't just say they're good because they're well made.

That's like saying they're good because they're good.

Would you say that's a tautology?

Perhaps.

Like, how many dressy affairs would a pair of Oxfords last me?

Now, that's a great question.

If you had one of my Oxfords, I would say it would work for you upwards of 50 dressy affairs.

And you could go nuts.

How many are you going to a year, Adam?

I don't know.

No,

you're not.

300 dressy affairs per year?

Well, I consider

every day except 65 a dressy affair

during a year.

Hey, you know, you're a dapper gentleman who wants to be well-appointed,

then I would say a pair of Oxfords is perfect for somebody like you.

Thank you.

I would recommend an almond-hued wingtip or half-brogue.

That might do you nicely.

You keep mentioning this word brogue, like it's something that you it's an alternate word for wingtip.

They say it in Britain.

I keep forgetting I'm talking to Americans.

Oh, God.

So sorry.

Wingtip is what I mean.

A half-wing tip.

By the way, you're American, aren't you?

I'm American, but my mentor, mentor.

That's a better word.

Not master, mentor.

He was British, British-born, and lived in New England.

Really?

Yeah.

Did he know other famous Brits like J.K.

Rowling?

He knew a lot of them.

Really?

It's a small club.

Yeah, he knew Sir Paul, who I don't know who that is, and J.K.

Rowling.

And

who else?

Was he,

I mean, I can only imagine J.K.

Rowling, she didn't used to be famous, but was he the inspiration, perhaps, for one of the characters in one of her books or something?

Who's the big hairy dude that likes animals?

Hagrid.

Him.

He looked a lot like him because he had the big, like, poofy, you know, beard, and he was

a rough and tumble sort of salt of the earth energy kind of, I mean, lovable.

Love it.

Oh, really?

Okay.

Well, not too 12 feet tall.

Oh, no, he He wasn't that.

Is that part of Hagrid?

I believe so.

Sort of, yeah.

I mean, Adam has not finished the book series.

Is that a reveal that he's not 12 feet tall?

How many books in did you get?

Like three.

Yeah.

No, he shrinks down.

Yeah, he does.

Book four, yeah.

It's revealed halfway through that it's been forced perspective that he was

always standing in the back of the room.

It's just because Harry was always so small, but then when he grew up, he's like, oh, wait a minute, you're not 12 feet tall.

You're actually just five feet.

So it could be that my mentor was an inspiration for Hagrid.

Interesting.

Yeah.

But a warm fellow to his to his apprentices unless they're was he the inspiration too for for jk rowling coming out and saying that uh wizards before there were toilets would just shit on the floor and then they would make it disappear um did she say that yes

that's incredible

you know i'm trying to think he had it that was the beginning of her descent into madness he had a he has a he used a toilet from what i recall so

maybe there was something between them wasn't something where she saw him shit on the floor one day and said i gotta use that or i have to admit that wasn't part of my relationship with him.

We didn't explore his relationship with him.

Was it part of your relationship with his wife, though?

I'm not going to get into the finer details of our sexual exploits, but yes.

So a lot of...

Like shitting on the chest and stuff like that.

We went through a whole, we tried a lot of things.

That ended up not being for us, but our motto was, why not?

Whenever it came to trying something.

It was like that movie, Yes Man.

Yeah, exactly.

Only it was more like, yes, ma'am.

What a great film.

Really good.

Yeah.

Yeah, Yes, ma'am was sort of my attitude towards her.

But again, I regret the relationship.

It was started under false pretenses.

And nothing else.

What do you mean it started under false pretenses?

I lied to her.

I was like,

I am royalty.

They were both anglophiles.

And I said that I was 25th in line to the throne.

And that began our romantic relationship.

As an American,

you were 25th in line.

Yes.

That's what I told her.

That must be hard to pull off.

I mean, a lie like that.

I mean, that's huge.

I figured that number 25, she'd just be like, oh, I guess, you know, he's like his grandfather was an earl or something like that and you know he's somewhere in line and so because 25 though i mean like number two has been waiting for 40 years yeah that's right

but if you're an angliophile or you're someone who's into the to the royals anybody we just had someone on last week who is a royal watcher oh yeah yeah so but i bet you if i lied to this person and said that i was 25th line

he would have sex with you yeah i would i would imagine i would imagine so and and that would be under false pretenses that would be i would if somebody wants to have sex with me i want it to to be because of who I am or the quality of my shoes, perhaps.

If they're impressed with my How many times has that ever happened where someone wants to have sex with you because of the quality of your shoes?

Oh, Garchie, let me think about it.

None.

Oh, really?

Yeah, it's never happened.

I say you were doing like beautiful mind style, like, math.

I went deep because I've met people in the, you know, other shoemakers and shoe fans, which then became romantic relationships, but it was never my ability to make it.

So, shoemakers and shoe fans, they mingle?

Yeah, yeah, it's a it's a pretty tight fraternity.

And shoe fish

Shoe fans.

Yeah, fans.

That's what I'm saying.

Is like podcasters and podcast fans aren't always left.

Oh, there's lots of shoe fans.

Absolutely.

Yeah.

If you're a shoe, I know what I'm saying.

What are you saying?

I'm not saying that there aren't a lot of shoe fans.

I'm saying that the podcast makers and the podcast fans aren't intermingling all the time.

There's a

clear divide of

if you're a podcast guy,

you're on this side of the line.

If you're a podcast listener, you're on that side of the line.

Unless

you're a convention or something.

Do you the fans at a yeah, you have like uh shoe cons, you know, or Oxford cons, you know, or trainer cons in Britain, and you and you've been part of it is mingling, meet and greet, work the people, right?

Press the flesh, uh, ask what their name is, you know, uh, make uh a minimum of five seconds of eye contact, you know, normal things that people do to appear normal.

Yeah, you sound like you're training yourself to be a human being.

You know, I'm a shy person, and sometimes it's difficult to meet strangers.

I don't think I'm alone in this, and I'll have little tips I have taken with me to try and try to be nice.

Yeah, what are the tips?

Minimum five seconds eye contact.

Minimum of five.

Repeat back their names to them as often as possible.

Okay, what are our names?

Oof.

One of you is Adam.

Okay.

And oh, gosh, the other one is Shot.

Who's quite close?

Who's very close?

Okay.

And I have noticed you have not looked either of us in the eye this entire time.

It's so difficult for me.

It's emotional.

I want my five.

Okay, here we go.

You looked away at two.

It's so tough.

It's tough.

Yeah.

It's not easy.

That's actually kind of a long time to make it.

It's almost too long.

If someone were to give me a type five, I don't know.

But if you were shoe fans and I met you at an Oxford con,

I would really try to step up and be there and make the whole five.

Yeah.

What makes a shoe fan?

I mean, it's interesting because I wear them.

Am I a shoe fan?

I'm absolutely not.

That is not even close to being enough.

With the questions you ask, I'm a fan.

You're what?

I'm a sock fan because I wear those under my shoes.

I don't think that makes one a fan.

You must have an enthusiasm,

a hunger for knowledge, a curiosity.

I can tell you, if I were to walk outside right now, especially because it's raining outside, I would put shoes on.

That doesn't make you a fan.

Listen to yourself.

You sound like a babbling idiot right now.

Now you're giving me the eye contact and you're not looking away.

So how many pairs of shoes does one have to have to be a shoe fish?

I think it's more the emotion you have towards the shoes and not the quantity.

Quantity could be a symptom of shoes.

How many shoes do you own?

Oh, gosh.

Because I've made so many.

Yeah.

Six?

Six pairs of shoes?

Six pairs.

So 12 shoes total?

12 shoes.

And I love them.

They are family to me.

And I rotate them in and out very carefully.

And that includes.

Like, I replaced them.

Sorry, that includes the ones you've made?

Yeah.

Well, I've sold a lot of them, you know what I mean?

Or I've given them away.

So the ones that I have kept where I make a pair and I'm like, I can't give you away.

These are too perfect.

I can only imagine, Adam, it's like you of like, you do a take and you're like, guys, that one's for me.

I'm going to keep this.

I'm going to keep the film.

That's right.

I'm taking that home with me.

I'm going to wear it.

I've watched television shows where a particular scene seems lacking and I'm like, I bet the actor Kevin has a good take.

That's right.

And I respect that.

That happens all the time.

I respect that.

So, yeah, you know, a shoe fan is the emotion and the passion that you have.

If you had more knowledge or curiosity about a shoe, I'd say you were a shoe.

Who owns the most pairs of shoes in the world?

I think Imelda Marcos was famous for owning lots of shoes.

But she's dead.

Now, are you worried that if you were to own a lot of shoes, you would be dead too?

It only stands to reason.

Let me follow this.

So you think that the reason Amelda Marcos is dead is because she had a lot of shoes?

I'm saying that it's possible.

So let's do a Socrates thing.

Imelda Marcos had a lot of shoes.

Imelda Marcos is dead.

Therefore, having a lot of shoes makes you dead.

Okay, yeah, I guess that does follow.

It does stand to reason.

I've never before been scared of it, but now I am.

Yeah, so I think six, six is pushing it.

No, no, no.

I've kept it.

I'm a man of simple means.

I don't like to have a lot of possessions.

I feel like that's not nearly enough for a shoe fan.

I've had more in the past.

I once had like hundreds of pairs of shoes.

Yes.

And I just, it felt excessive.

And so I deliver part of my sort of becoming a better person when I realized I had a fear and loathing towards women and really just everybody.

Um, I and I was like, I want to be better, I want to improve.

And I went into therapy and I read lots of um sort of books on improving yourself.

Part of it was like, I'm too attached to material possessions.

Okay, so you got rid of, I was like, the hardest thing for me to get rid of will be the shoes.

Yeah, did you save them for last?

Or yes, that was the last thing.

So, I got rid of everything else.

All my silks,

spices,

bonds, and investments.

Are you on the Nina, the Pinta, and the Santa Maria?

I wish.

What a life.

Oh, man.

What a life.

When you think about it, those guys had it all.

I mean, one reason why you'd leave Europe to go over an ocean that maybe doesn't go anywhere because your life is great.

That's a sure sign of the people on those boats is everything was going right for them.

Yeah, so I gave a lot up, and the last thing was the shoes because it was emotionally very difficult for me.

But I can only.

But when I finally did it, I did feel unburdened and I felt like this is, you know, I am really, I'm really trying to become a better, better person.

And the six you kept must really mean something, then?

Yes, they are.

Five of the pairs are

ones that I made.

And they're

the sixth.

And the sixth one, it's my Ralph Mouth sneakers from

those.

Okay.

Sentimental.

They were a gift from my parents.

Oh, really?

Are your parents still with us?

No, they're not.

They've

died.

Yeah.

How did they pass away, if you don't mind me asking?

They lived a long life.

So what?

No, see, I was asking the opposite.

How did they die?

How did they die?

Did they live a long life?

Oh, until what?

Not until like how long?

No, yeah.

How did they die?

Is what I mean?

My father died of heart failure, and my mother was unfortunately vaporized.

Vaporized?

How happened?

Well, I don't totally know.

I think she might have been a spy.

She got into some sort of altercation with a strange man who came to the door and vaporized her.

How did thesis appointed some sort of futuristic looking blaster and she just disseminated into atoms?

Really?

But she was already an old lady who'd had a great life.

And I was like, hey, it had to happen.

Was there like a pile of like pile of, yeah, I tried to reconstitute the ash.

I tried to rehydrate the ash.

By what?

Pouring water?

Pouring water onto it.

I was distraught.

I was distraught.

That must have just made a mess.

It did.

I was like, why did I think this would work?

And did you speak to the man before you?

I couldn't.

He ran off.

He was like, she deserved it and left.

And I don't know what happened.

I don't know what happened.

She was a mysterious lady with a lot of, with a lot of people.

But that was his last parting words to you: she deserved it.

Yeah, he was like, don't come for me.

She deserves it.

And he ran off.

And you said, okay.

I said, I believe it.

He had a real conviction about his voice.

Yeah.

Wow.

And like I said, she was 76, you know, and I was.

It's not that old to be like, it's fine.

She was vaporized.

But it's, you know, you would, it's, it was sad, you know, and I miss her, but I wouldn't call her.

How long were you?

A couple days?

Yeah, you're a couple days guy.

You have to move on.

You can't change the past.

So

what do you got in the hopper?

What are you designing?

Well, once that Etsy shop gets back online, I'm going to do a beach-hued half-wingtip

Oxford

that is for spring only.

And it's going to be...

And Oxford's for spring.

And I got three sizes.

Weak, normal, and whoa.

Weak is seven men or smaller.

That's weak sized.

And then normal is like eight, nine, or ten.

And then hot bigger than that is whoa.

I gotta say, if I were an eight and I'm wearing something

that a 10 could wear, that's not gonna be comfortable.

No, eight is weak, eight and lower is weak, nine, ten, and eleven is normal.

And then

nine, ten, and eleven all have the same size, they're all the same size.

Make it work, is what I say.

Make it work, put some tissue in there.

That's what they did in the old days of HD.

Put some shoe in there, just you know, stuff it, you know, you could, you know, or squeeze, you know, whatever you got to do.

So, yeah, so weak, normal, or whoa?

Those are the three sides.

Weak, normal, or whoa, but what is the actual shoe that you're that you're designing?

What do you mean?

I mean, what are the features on it?

What are, I mean, is there a drawing of a human face?

Never.

I only do Oxford's.

Okay, you do Oxford's.

Yes, beach-hued.

Beach-hewed, half-wingtip, uh, spring dress shoe.

Okay, what do you think?

Spring, is it the color?

Is it the

scent?

Pine-scented.

Spring is pine-scented.

I think of it.

I think of it as pine-sented.

Anything just trees.

What does beach-hewed mean?

Beach-hewed is like a light brown sort of butterscotch.

It's like a sand color.

uh yeah a little little darker but you're on the right ballpark so a butterscotch shoe that smells like pine trees well i wouldn't call it butterscotch it's beach hewed oh it smells like a butter trees

like a butterscotch pine scented beach hewed half wingtip spring dress

10 bucks that must be way too small or big for you too big yeah or not necessarily sounds great so if you can get through the hate speech on your etsy shop just for my customers not from me and that's been taken down and i which i endorse okay that being taken down it's great and how and how do people get to this i have no idea okay all right well fantastic well uh uh thomas it's great to have you on the show can you stick around uh yeah i got nothing going on um we're gonna take a break we're gonna come back we have more thomas mashed potatoes more adam scott we'll be right back with more company baby after this

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Comedy bang bang, we're back.

Adam Scott, star of severance,

is on the show.

And if you get a season two, are you going to get in there and be like, hey, I want to write the next season?

Oh, man.

There's a ton of stuff I'm going to do.

Because it must be so frustrating to have like, like, you get a TV show and it's like, oh, this is going to be awesome.

And then suddenly they send you all these pages of things that they're telling you you have to do.

Yeah, Dan Erickson, who created the show and writes the show, you know, I'm going to, if we get season two, I'm going to just sit down and be like, Dan, listen,

write, not write, whatever.

It doesn't matter.

I'm just going to.

Here's what the A-DOS is up to this year.

I'm really going to get in the saddle and make some changes.

Cool.

Mostly all having, you know, internal changes with me, but it's going to affect you and the show

in a huge way.

That's the way to do it.

Yeah.

No, that's what people want from an actor.

Swing that big DE around.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Just

really get in there and let everyone know how you're feeling about everything.

Fantastic.

Well, the notoriously difficult to work with, Adam Scott, is here.

Absolutely.

And we also have Thomas Smashed Potatoes, who seems, I mean, he's self-employed, so I don't know whether, I mean, I guess you were difficult to work with with your mentor.

I've had mostly poor relationships with my coworkers.

And also

with women, it seems like, has a real huge issue, which we haven't even really gone into.

Nor should we, really.

Nor should we.

As far as I've been.

Trying to get better.

We have to get to our next guest,

a novelist.

This is very exciting.

Please welcome Mariska Biener-Button.

Well, that's close enough.

I'm sorry, you told me how to say it, but I think it's Binabauta.

Binabauta.

Yes, Binabauta.

Binabauta.

It's Dutch.

It means like

within and without, like inside, outside.

Oh, it's sort of like California living, you know, where like you open up the wall.

Yeah, like Alfresco.

Why isn't your name weird Alfresco?

Well, I guess because my parents couldn't choose their last name and because they probably did not want to name me a boy's name.

Right.

And because

in Dutch, we in Holland, we don't like to be weird.

Oh, is that that's part of the culture?

Sure, yeah.

I would say that's part of the United States culture, too, which is why it was so refreshing when Al came out and said, no, I am weird.

You think that Americans aren't weird?

I think Americans are weird, but they don't want to be

as weird.

That's so interesting.

You find them to be weird?

I think that you are always trying to be so weird.

Like, you have your flannel kind of slightly unbuttoned right now.

Yeah, that's right.

That's so.

And your pants, by the way, which, if you could take the line by the side, that's legitimately weird.

I apologize for that.

I think that's assault.

But the top part is just a little bit weird, isn't it?

Like, wear it like a shirt.

Like, a flannel shirt being unbuttoned is a little bit more.

Well, with a t-shirt under.

It's like you're trying to wear a dress shirt, but at the same time, you're unbuttoning it, but then you're covering up with your brain.

Wait, so you think anyone who wears a shirt with a collar, unbuttoned with a t-shirt

no t-shirt like with a t-shirt wear take the t-shirt off and wear it like a normal dutch businessman which is like four buttons undone no shirt underneath that's what a normal dutch business

so you're saying what i'm doing is sort of mixed signals kind of like t-shirt and a flannel but with i'm not admitting i mean i've never thought about it that way it is it is mixed

and it's a waste because now you've dirtied two shirts yeah just that's for sure and you're wearing them both out so you're going to your your clothing budget is going to go through It's like you're paying for twice as many clothes when you're that's right.

It's just not practical.

I never thought about it, but what I am doing now is freakish.

Yeah.

In Holland, we have a saying:

the tallest flower gets its head chopped off by the lawnmower.

Oh, my God.

So it's a little bit like, don't stand out, like you idiots.

Just get low

and just be normal for once.

Get low.

That's a terrifying saying.

Yeah.

Yeah.

It makes me want to just

stay quiet and stay low.

Yeah.

You see now why there aren't that many famous Dutch people.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Weird Dutch people.

I can think of the little Dutch boy.

Right.

And who was American?

Buster Brown that you said before.

Buster Brown.

Yeah, yeah.

I mean, he seemed Dutch.

He definitely had a Dutch kind of Dutch type.

If he was Dutch, it would be spelled B-R-U-I-N, Buster Brown.

Like how Brown is spelled.

Okay.

So

I can't think of a single other.

I mean,

was Hamlet?

He was the melancholy Danish.

Common mistake.

But anyway, sorry, that's just all about how my parents probably, why they didn't name me Weird Al.

Right, yeah.

Good answer.

Good answer.

An incredibly fair and generous answer to the question: why weren't you named Weird Al?

So, Mariska,

how do you say it again?

Been about the

outside.

In and out.

Well, that's not going to help me.

Okay, I'm sorry here.

You're a novelist.

Yeah, I've just finished my first romance novel.

Oh, and

is that the primarily the...

This is the genre that I've always wanted to work in.

Oh, so you haven't yet?

This is your first?

This is my first.

It's a serious, it's passionate, very sexy, very

sort of,

this is like a way where you can kind of play out your fantasies in a book while you're reading it, and you get to feel what it would be like to live this sexy.

Oh, my God.

So could it be that a man who himself has made personal mistakes that he feels guilty about could read a romance novel and think, I am worthy of love?

This could happen to me.

Next time you try to ask like a hypothetical, don't point to yourself like that, because then it blows up.

It's a giveaway.

Yeah, you were doing sort of the who has two thumbs.

And then, okay.

And he was talking about yourself, this guy.

So you guys could pick up that I was talking about myself.

Okay.

But the answer is yes.

It's for everybody.

Men, women, yes.

It's for men and women.

Is that okay, Thomas?

Yes.

I say carefully.

Yes.

Of course it is.

Of course it is good.

Okay.

I have learned to appreciate it.

But that said, Mariska, are not romance novels mainly read by women?

Sure, yeah, that's a big part of the audience.

I think men maybe get a little bit bored.

Like,

well, I think like they like Playboy article length.

They want like 30 seconds and then they're like, you know.

What's Playboy article length?

30 seconds.

Oh, yeah.

Have you?

That's happened to Playboy.

The articles have gotten incredibly short.

So they're writing a lot of things.

It used to be that you'd say, oh, I read it for the articles because the articles were actually good.

Right.

But they have like, they've like really shortened them.

They've quibbified them.

They're like, they're right down to like.

Everything's been quibbified these days.

Oh, yeah.

I used that as an example, and I didn't know how long they were.

I pictured them like a little blurb.

They are now.

Oh, okay.

They're blurby.

I think.

But back in the day, it was like you'd go page after, but you'd go sometimes, you'd go like 40 pages before seeing something.

Fucking pussy.

Yeah, no, that's a long time for men.

Yeah.

No, but so I think the women like the longer experience.

They can spend the whole summer on the beach reading this story.

This one is for men.

The men could read it.

Both can, yeah, it's not exclusive.

If a guy has the patience to read something

where it's like takes a long time before the dirty deed.

And I'm finding that a lot of people like this book.

They're all finding it very across across the board.

I'm getting great reviews.

What is the book?

It's called The Polder Model.

And it's.

The Polder Model?

Yeah, this is sort of

a little bit of a play on words.

So in Dutch culture, we have this concept, the polder model.

The polders are like little islands off the coast.

And back in the 15th century, all of them flooded, and everyone in the polders had to work together to unflood by digging canals and making windmills.

But in my story, the lead character,

she's a model.

Oh, so, and she's from the polders.

The polder model.

I see.

So it's not one word, it's two words.

It's two words.

Oh, and sorry, the polder model is something we use now in banking and stuff to say, like, if we have to work together, we have to use the polder model.

We cannot be my island.

I played it.

It's a play on this.

Yeah.

That's funny.

Thank you.

That's so funny.

Thank you.

Now that I know what it means, it's hilarious.

It's making me really, really funny.

That's what's very funny.

I like, yeah, I like, this is what I like.

You're really laughing right now.

Yeah, I'm laughing with you.

I'm like, I'm not a lot of jokes about banking.

So do I.

Yeah.

So do I.

So the lead character is a model, right?

Wow.

Good setup.

So how, like, what are we talking in?

10

of what?

On a scale of 1 to 10, like attractiveness.

I mean, yes, like, she's famous.

She's a working model.

Do the Dutch not have the system of rating from one to 10?

That seemed to throw you completely.

Yeah, I've never heard the

we all look very similar.

This is not a problem.

So everyone's a ten?

Yeah.

There's no ratings at all for anything, then?

Also, like, why?

Just like if you're interested in them, talk to them.

Why do you need to like?

I guess in a country that has the tall, tall, poppy

metaphor, you don't want to be everything is the same.

Everyone wants to be a fine.

If you were listening to the new Red Hot Chili Peppers album, for instance, you would just say,

it's fine.

It's fine.

Yeah.

And that'd be a compliment.

That would be a good thing.

Right.

It's fine.

So she's

a successful working model.

She looks like everyone else.

But is everyone a model then?

I mean, they could be.

But she just chose.

And she's doing well for herself.

The book starts, and we find out she is the woman

on all of the pamphlets that talk about what sort of banking plans you can get and how to use your

card.

So what is she doing on these?

What are some of the poses she's doing?

She's in an office and she's she's sort of reaching reaching for a bank card and she's looking like oh that's interesting

oh you'd be an excellent model oh my gosh you just haven't chosen to be though that's right yeah so she's like a super model then that's right she is super at her job she shows up on time she does not complain oh yeah she's like main attributes of models yes yes she's showing up on your chat yeah yeah and not complaining that's right right wow so she sounds great at this so she's on this pamphlet and everyone has seen this pamphlet.

Yeah.

And it's like, and she sometimes once in a while, like the pamphlet is copied onto the side of a tram or a bus.

And so she's really being seen.

So she's at a conference and she sees this man in the back of the room and she sees, and they see each other from across the room.

And he looks like pretty much everyone else as well.

Yeah, same.

And it's just where her eyes have happened to fall.

So

for no particular reason.

That's right.

And

the next thing you know, they're both going outside at the same time.

And you go like, okay, okay, okay.

They're going outside to talk to each other.

Turns out they just both wanted a cigarette at the same time.

Okay, yeah.

But I was worried that it was going to be something sort of more spectacular.

And I'm relieved to hear that it's business as usual.

That's right.

But they get outside and it's just the two of them, right?

And it's been a very nice day up until now.

I mean, just the two of them in their area.

In their

not in the entire world.

No, that's right.

That's not science fiction.

Other people are outside.

Thank God you clarified because I did assume at that point that everyone else was dead.

Everyone was gone.

Or when they walked outside, that's what I did.

It's just the smoking area where they're glad you're not my editor because I would not have liked to put that for every sentence.

Just to clarify, they're not only two people.

I would be a harsh, harsh editor.

I believe.

I would be a stern taskmaster.

It would be a long book, too.

Yeah.

Well, I mean, for a lot of people, do you get paid by the page?

No, I just get, we all get paid the same amount for

no matter what job you do.

Oh, okay.

I just, I don't know if this is off topic, but I'm writing a novel.

Could I read just the first sentence and just hear what you guys' thoughts are on it?

Yeah, I'd love to.

I'd love to hear a professional writer.

I mean, this is just we haven't even gotten through the premise of her book, but you're jumping into it.

I feel like I want to take over right now just for a little bit, and then I will let it go.

I only got to talk for 30 minutes.

Yeah, sure.

Just real quick, just very quick.

Sure.

Because we have a professional writer here.

You want to be a writer.

Even though that never came up in your segment.

It's a hobby.

And I just want to hear the Dutch Dutch take on it.

Yeah.

Okay.

So

the storms passed quickly, as did his love.

It's not believable.

Okay.

The storms would not pass quickly.

Oh, really?

Because it's very stormy.

Yeah, it rains like 95% of the time.

Oh, really?

And

why do we care about his emotions?

It's the first sentence of the book.

We don't even know this, guys.

This is a stupid book.

I would not read it.

Okay, a little harsher than I thought was coming,

but I appreciate the honest.

But if he changed it, though, to the storm did not pass quickly, but their love did.

Now I'm in.

So it was the unbelievability of the storm that changed.

Now at least I know it's a real story from a real story.

It's professional feedback.

And it's incredibly valuable.

It's painful, and I am hurt.

But I do think that's it.

Are you willing to change it, though?

Absolutely.

I'm always willing to change and improve.

Since you talk about books, can I talk about the shoes I'm wearing?

Oh, yeah, yeah.

Let's hear.

I'll give you some work.

You can tell tell me if they're Oxfords or not, because I could not tell your thing when I'm, I couldn't tell you.

It wasn't clear.

Okay, so let me do that.

So

these are my work shoes.

These are my professional shoes.

They're lovely shoes.

Let me just say they're like

a fuchsia suede boot with like two zippers on each shoe.

Absolutely not an Oxford.

No?

No.

Already not an Oxford.

Already, just because the zippers?

Well, the fuchsia.

You don't, I mean, that's not a traditional Oxford colour.

I have seen beaches that have some.

If you look very closely at some of the shells.

If you want to tell tell me that's a beach hue, I'll let you buy in a technicality.

Okay.

But it's a boot with two zippers.

Yeah, two zippers on each one, and then fringe on the top that sort of comes down over the zippers.

None of these are

very garish shoes.

These are my work.

These are my work.

David Bowie lyrics shoes.

But what's weird about the way you're dressed is it's not just the shoes.

Like every part, I mean, like, you're wearing a jacket or something.

It's all over the place.

It's like almost like from the wham I'm your man video.

This is a vinyl.

It's very very practical.

It's like a pink and yellow vinyl with the sippers.

Did you say before that you don't like to stand out from

the eye?

Oh, this is how everyone dresses?

I do not think that's all flower right now.

Well, I mean, here in America, you will.

But you think we're weird because we don't dress like this.

Well, look at him.

He's got unbuttoned a little bit of his trust button.

There's a t-shirt that we're going to be able to do.

But you're wearing a multi-zippered suede fringe.

What do you have against zippers?

No, I'm just saying it's an outla it's it stands out.

It's something that catches the eye.

I think we're discovering something here, which is context.

Okay.

It's like the Albert Einstein thing.

You cannot have hot without cold because you don't know what it is.

Oh, I didn't even know that was an ice.

Okay, I think so.

Wow, he was smart.

He's the guy who stuck his tongue out in that poster, right?

Yeah, yeah.

Love it.

That's his main thing.

Love him.

Yeah, he's

one of the best.

Walk me through how you came to think that he was great from the picture.

I mean, you hear about all this shit that he was doing about like relative what and then like that's bad but he's got a sense of humor he's like

he's great i love him that uh that photo was taken right after he discovered that they cracked the code on the atomic bomb

yeah they just caught it at the moment where i see out of context and it looks silly about it but he was like vomiting at the realization of what would happen yeah but he looks like a silly yeah fun guy looks so happy he's right before he vomits

he still seems cool, though, I would say.

I think he was probably cool.

Yeah.

I gotta say, if I lived where you lived, I'd probably pick model too.

Oh, yeah.

You know?

But yeah.

Yeah.

Does everyone, when you go out to dinner, does everyone like split the check?

Or?

I mean, this is such a stereotype.

But like, and we don't all go and play with two jump ropes, but yes, we split the

check.

It's just, it makes more sense.

How many jump ropes do you use?

Two.

Yeah.

Because that's the best number for jump roping.

But why, why would I make you pay the whole check?

That's rude.

And why would I pay it?

I'm not that.

Yeah, you're not my boss.

That's right.

Yeah, exactly.

We should split it.

We should split it.

Nobody's breaking the bank here.

Right.

And does everyone have tons of zippers all over their body?

You cannot let go of the zippers.

It's so good.

You just have so many, like you're gleaming.

Yeah.

You know what I mean?

Yeah.

You're almost like in this movie I saw starring Adam, Hellraiser.

Four?

Yeah.

where he has full of zippers.

The pins, well, he's got.

And doesn't he have a CD shooting out of his head?

I think he has a CD.

Yeah, he shoots CDs at people.

That sounds nice.

Almost like you two shot that album into our phones.

That's right.

And we were the only two that were delighted.

That sounds nice.

I would listen to a CD shooting out of someone's head.

So they go outside,

they decide to share a cigarette.

They share one.

Okay.

And why is that?

Because they're going touch.

Oh, Yeah, and because why spend the money on another cigarette?

And we both have one.

We'll share it.

And all of a sudden, it starts raining, like pouring rain on them.

Right.

But this is to be expected because it rains.

That's right.

And they were expecting it, so they're both in their like

vinyl, their like waterproof suits, head to toe.

They're 100% protected from the rain.

That's right.

They're very dry.

They've expected it.

They've been walking around all day in this like crinkly sort of like construction pants, like a hazmat suit, you know.

Sexy.

Yeah.

Well, I mean, we're getting

it.

But it's sexy to, you know, when it's raining, it's so romantic.

The mise on scene.

Yes, that's right.

So they decide, like, why don't we get out of here and go share like a romantic meal, right?

Okay.

Okay.

I hate to ask, do you think they'll split the check at this meal?

Probably, yeah.

Of course not.

Sexy.

So they go to this little, like, there's.

Like, why are you lowering your voice?

It's the mise-on scene.

Okay, yeah.

Okay, you're setting the table here.

Or we say mise on screen.

Oh, okay, great.

They go to this nice little Italian place, little candles on the tables.

They look at the menu.

Oh my gosh.

And they realize like they don't have what we want to eat here.

This is stupid.

Why would we spend our money?

Do they not want Italian food?

No.

But what they want is like.

They thought that they might have it, you know.

Have you thought?

Have what?

What they're craving, like the sexiest food, which is like a piece of

salmon,

like a like a raw, like a raw smoked salmon on like a like a hard toast

with like a little bit of like dry butter, and then like a

cut in half like hard-boiled egg, and like a little tiny piece of iceberg lettuce.

This is kind of turning my stomach, and then like a little, like, just like a fingernail of onion.

Fingernail.

That seems.

Oh, yeah.

And then

one of those pieces of lettuce that kind of looks like

the fake bushes in a train set.

In an electric.

Those hard pieces of lettuce that are like...

Parsley almost.

Yeah, it's like picture an under-the-sea scene, like a set piece from SpongeBob.

Like one of those wiry pieces of that on top.

Just that on top.

So they want that.

They want to split one of those.

Super specific.

The eggs hard-boiled, is that right?

It's hard-boiled.

And dry butter.

Just like a, well, like, you know, when butter,

it has, it's been like in the refrigerator for so long, and you take it immediately from the fridge and put it right on.

And it's like a corner.

So it's one of the hardest substances.

It's hard and it's almost dry.

The flavor is almost hidden at that point.

And this is delicious to you?

The best.

Is it a fingernail of onion?

What about that amount?

Yeah, yeah.

Why waste the onion?

You can get like 80 sandwiches out of an onion if you cut it this way, you know, okay,

because it seems to me like you're being critical of it, and yet no,

you this is delicious to you.

I love this, okay.

What was critical?

Sometimes I speak harshly,

but I'm just being honest.

But did I seem like I didn't like it?

No, no, I mean, well, the way that you're talking about a fingernail of onion, a dry knuckle of butter, barely big enough to cut it.

Fingernails or knuckles

are not the The words you're using are not appetizing.

Hold on.

The zomb is like wilted and like a little bit warm, but it hasn't been cooked.

So you think it might be cool.

But above room temperature for some reason.

Yes.

And we don't know why.

And it's barely enough to cover a little bit of the hard drying.

The intrigue of whether you'll get sick or not.

Is that what makes this appealing?

Like, who knows?

It's delicious.

It's so good.

Okay.

A little piece of it.

I know it.

I feel like we have this in our minds right now.

What?

Get to the sexy part.

What happened?

Okay, so they go to the Albertine really fast because they've got to get all the ingredients there at the grocery store.

They're making it.

They're going to make it.

Okay.

And how many pages into the book are we at this moment?

We're at 200.

Wow, it feels like it.

It feels like a long 200.

But the climax is coming.

Oh, okay.

They get all.

The climax is coming at page 200?

No, it's coming in the future.

Yeah, the climax isn't here.

It's coming.

It's coming.

Appropriate for a climax.

Sure.

So they get the stuff.

They get into the checkout line.

She realizes, ah, I haven't gotten my paycheck yet for this period.

And

if you can cover me for half of this, I can pay you back.

It's good that a model's on a salary.

Oh, yeah.

Right?

Not just paid per gig.

Sure, yeah.

I like that.

But that's everyone, I guess.

And he says, okay, but let's think about this.

Because

he has his budget and he's like, I got paid yesterday.

How long did they talk about budgets?

This is

mind-numbing to me.

Why?

Right now, why is this important to the sexy part?

Because it's like we don't just want to have the sex.

Just get to the sex.

Just tell us about the sex.

Okay, so we cut to they're looking for a hotel room.

To eat the food.

Yes.

Or they got the dry butter.

They have all the ingredients, but they want to put it together in a hotel room.

Well, they need to because the egg

is an egg and they have to hard-boil it.

So they need to be somewhere where they can boil it.

Don't they have their own places?

They do, but they're at the conference.

So they're

and they haven't gotten

their hotel rooms.

Not yet because they came to the city.

They've just gotten in that hotel room, that's right.

You're the writer.

You can change all of these details.

Not now.

It's written.

So they get to the hotel room.

My editor barely read this because she was like, it's so sexy.

Actually, this is the first time I'm hearing any feedback this is.

Any pushback pushback about this okay i don't want to give it to you but like please give okay so they so first hotel too expensive there's more than one hotel

oh sure there's three it's like uh it's then helder it's like they're a beach town uh so there's like three whole hotels so they go to the second one and it's like ah it's a little bit like the lighting is very bright it's like not chazelic yeah they're turning it down because of the lighting sure yeah it's not chazelic they want boiling egg they want

It's going to be the first time they share a meal.

They want it to be just right.

And they want bright lighting.

They want just bright enough to see it, but also low enough that it's like cozy.

Obscures a little bit.

Sure.

Have you ever ridden, it doesn't exist anymore, but a Virgin America flight?

Oh, I see.

Oh, yeah.

No, I haven't.

Anymore.

Right.

Okay.

I wasn't going to say like Pegasus.

Well, I think that would be more interesting than what you're talking about right now.

Like,

so they get to the third hotel.

It's a brightly lit room with a stovetop.

It's lit just enough.

It's like a virgin airline flight.

That's right.

And it's

no stovetop, but it has like a

kettle, a plug-in kettle that you can boil, and you can cook anything with this.

It's amazing.

Okay.

So they fill a mug with

boiling water.

350.

What?

150 pages deep in the water.

You keep making me skip ahead.

Cut to page 500.

What happens on page 500?

They decide he has botched the egg.

She thinks it is such a waste of her time to be with a man who cannot even cook an egg.

She likes gives him...

What amount of time has passed since they first saw each other?

I mean, it's a little bit of time, like 90 minutes or something.

And she leaves.

So this book isn't even written in real time.

It's left in real time.

It's so good.

Well, because we have to hear their thoughts and we have to.

Can we just cut to the sex?

I mean, there's...

There is no sex.

Never.

Not actual sex, but it's the sort of feeling that you come away with is like, yes.

Like, what is sexier than someone being...

honest about what they want and what he is, which is a piece of shit because why can't he boil a freaking egg?

It seems to me like Mariska, these books, you know, normally a romance novel is all about two people.

They meet each other, they're hot for each other.

Yeah, this is true.

They fantasize a lot about having sex with each other, but something's keeping them apart, usually like some sort of relationship or their social status or the restaurant, the hotel, the Albertine, the budget, and the bottom of the bottom.

The lists of all the hotels and the eggs, and all of that.

That's the kind of stuff none of your audience is interested in.

They're interested in: are these people going to have sex?

And when they do have sex, is it hot sex?

Is it like, is it everything they've imagined sex to be?

Have you ever had sex?

No.

Why not?

Well, it's so much work.

Take the egg in the hotel and everything out of it.

You can't

get someone.

It's stupid, then you're just wasting your time for like what?

Nothing.

Sex is a waste of time.

But it's a waste of time.

Yeah, great.

Then I don't want to do it.

Technically, it is.

I mean, unless you're like, Adam, you have two kids.

Like, those were the only times that were not a waste of time.

It wasn't a waste of time.

That's why those are the only times.

But it's a fun waste of time.

Look, Mariska,

this book sounds horrible.

I usually don't say that to about doing this my guess of the book what's the folder model

they have to work together they all work together but nothing ends up happening this uh and is it successful anyone buying these huge success yeah does everyone just automatically get a copy or

what do you think it is just like what like a youtube album or something

so everything is like this you two album to you adam i i guess uh that's the only way wait is you two just giving away their album One time they did it.

Somewhat long time ago.

It was years ago.

All right.

Look, we're running out of time.

We just have time for one final feature on the show, and that is a little something called plugs.

Plugs.

Jizz.

Oh,

gosh.

That was a real fake out.

Got me good.

Well, that's an inexpensive little tune.

That was Jake Jackhead with lovely plugs.

Thank you so much to Jake Jackhead.

All right, what are we plugging?

Adam,

what does a guy like you have to plug?

Just Severance on Friday, the final episode of the season coming out.

And don't just watch that one, although you could.

There are eight previous episodes.

And that's, do you think that's confusing?

Was that a concern with you?

It could be confusing depending on how it's explained.

Yeah, yeah.

And I feel like the way I'm explaining it is potentially confusing.

Do the characters kind of make this clear, though, that it's the ninth episode of Non-Every

character's first line is, okay, it's episode five.

This is what needs to happen.

Good.

It sounds great.

Severance on it, and people have to have an Apple TV Plus subscription.

On Apple TV Plus.

And plus,

you can get a subscription quite easily.

Yeah.

And then you can also,

like, you get video games and working out and stuff like that.

There's all kinds of stuff on there with that subscription.

Anyone ever play a video game and work out while watching your show?

That would be the trifle.

Happens all the time.

Amazing.

All right.

And Thomas, what do you want to plug?

I'm going to plug a podcast I'm a fan of called Screw It.

We're just going to talk about comics.

Two brothers, Will and Kevin Hines, talk about comic books.

I've really gotten into it.

What do you like?

I mean,

what does a guy like you?

I like how niche and alienating they are.

They really don't let new people in.

There's no, almost no explanation of the backstory of what they're talking about.

They assume you've read what they're talking about and already know about it, and then they reaffirm what you know.

And I'm really into it.

And they're they don't take controversial stances on these.

They

just toe the party line and they pretty much express what the consensus is on the things they talk about.

And if you want to hear that parroted back, they're good at it.

They're going over the Daredevil comic book series Born Again Right Now, which is written by Frank Miller and drawn by Dave Mazzicelli in the mid-80s.

It was a milestone great superhero story that's only mildly problematic.

So

check out that podcast.

That's my recommendation.

And Mariska, what do you want to plug here?

It's

a short film improvised by Susie Barrett and Rebecca Drysdale.

Short, like five minutes.

Okay.

Easy.

It's a

quibby length.

And where do people see this?

And what is it?

It's called Gum, and they can see it at whatisgum.com.

Whatisgum.com?

That's right.

With Rebecca Drysdale, a great talent.

That's right.

And Susie Barrett and Nobody Turt.

Wow.

And they work together.

They balance each other out.

Okay, interesting.

Well, I want to plug, you know, head over to cbbworld.com.

I was going to plug this show called You Can't Handle the Sluts.

Yes, I am a fan of that too.

I also should have plugged that.

We just had a very funny new episode of that a couple weeks ago.

And we just had another This Book Changed My Life episode with Lily Sullivan, Randy Snuts episodes.

We got some good stuff in April.

We just,

Sean Distin and I,

we just reviewed the 400 blows

on our show, Scott Hasn't Seen, and people are really responding to that.

So head over to cbbworld.com.

And if you subscribe for a year, you get two months free.

All right, let's close up the old plug bag.

But don't close it too much, or you open up the plug bag.

We're opening up that plug bag.

And when you open up that plug bag, you open up your heart for the rest of the world.

I'm talking open up the blood bag.

I open up the plug bag.

Open up the blood bag as hard as you can.

Then you open up your heart.

Open up the blood bag.

Oh, man.

Hearing Dr.

Sweet chat, the small talk robot say, oh no, it delights me to no end.

That was Dr.

Sweet Cha-Cha with Oye Como Plug.

Guys, I want to thank you so much, Adam.

Always great

hanging out with you.

Are we,

I mean, I know you have two TV shows now.

You don't have a lot of time.

Are we ever going to do another podcast together?

I think we should.

Yeah.

I think we should.

Yeah.

What about?

I'm drawing a blank.

Just about this.

About Comedy Bang Bang, where we recap Comedy Bang Bang?

Yeah.

Every episode.

Yeah, that's a great idea.

This is a great idea.

Yeah, I'm committing fully right now to all 751 episodes.

That's exactly right.

Okay, fantastic.

And Thomas, so great to meet you.

Thanks so much for having me on.

I love trying to reach an audience for my wares.

Yeah, although, even though you don't have any, I don't know how to get them right now, but at some point, you know, I've piqued the interest, and I hope that people will search later.

I look forward to it.

Thank you, Adam.

And then, Mariska,

bad book, bad writer.

Thank you.

You're really bad.

Thank you.

Thanks for coming by, though.

Thank you.

It was a bad time.

And I think that you have a lot to learn about hosting.

See you next time.

Thanks.

Bye.

Hey, everybody, it's Paul Scheer, host of How Did This Get Made, a podcast that covers the best, worst movies.

This week, we're diving into the brand new War of the Worlds reboot starring Ice Cube.

Yes, the movie that got 2% on Rotten Tomatoes.

Ice Cube is saving the world from aliens via his computer.

It's It's so convoluted, this plot, but basically, if you have an Amazon account, you can save the day just like Ice Cube.

There is so much going on in this movie.

So, join me, June Diane Rayfill, and Jason Manzukis, as we break down every bizarre choice and every Ice Cube one-liner on this week's episode of How Did This Get Made, the podcast that makes sense of movies that don't.