Promo Code SPORTS (Jamie Lee, Carl Tart, Ego Nwodim, Jon Gabrus, Ben Rogers)

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Hey, everyone, this is the host of Comedy Bang Bang, Scott Ackerman, here.

And welcome to another bonus bang, where we are re-releasing great episodes of Comedy Bang Bang from behind the paywall.

And this week we're back with another episode in our series, which we are calling Bravo Italiano.

And it, of course, features our wonderful friend Italiano Jones, played by Carl Tart.

He is a lawyer and the tallest man in Italy, I believe.

And this week's episode that we are re-releasing is called Promo Code Sports and was originally released on April 11th, 2021 as episode 701.

So this was a really fun one, I believe, but this is in the middle of the Zoom era, I think.

It features, of course, another appearance by The Lawyer That Will Fight For You, Italiano Jones.

And also on the episode are Jamie Lee, comedian, who is here to talk about wedding plans and tricks, as well as to promote her new show, New Then, The Wedding Coach.

We have Ego Wodem was here, you all know from SNL, and she was playing Entre P.

Neur.

And finally, we had Ben Rogers and John Gabris on, and they are playing the hosts of Jeff and Jeff of the Sports Dude podcast.

Now, if you enjoy this and you want to hear other great episodes of Comedy Bang Bang, become a subscriber at cbbworld.com.

We have all of the past episodes from the archives.

We have every live show.

We have ad-free new episodes.

All of the other episodes are ad-free.

And we also have original shows like Scott Asn's scene that I host with Sprague the Whisperer and CBB Presents, where people from Comedy Bang Bang have their own shows.

And also, if you're a big Italiano Jones fan, you can order the Italiano Jones action figure at shop.figurecollections.com, as well as other great Comedy Bang Bang action figures like Entre P.

Muir, Carissa, Randy Snuts,

myself.

And you can go to actionfiguresseller.com for international purchases.

We're going to be back Monday with a new episode of Comedy Bang Bang, but until then, enjoy this bonus bang.

Remember, kids, you can't spell Anaconda Shave Grammy without Macho Man Randy Savage.

Welcome to Comedy Bang Bang.

Hmm, thank you to PugFuggly8He4 for that catchphrase submission.

PugFuggly8He4.

And welcome to Comedy Bang Bang for another week.

We have a great show for you today.

Coming up a little later, we have a lawyer.

We have...

A small business owner.

No, that's not even right, but you know, someone

in that field.

We also have fellow podcasters will be on the show as well.

So this is exciting.

My name is Scott Auckerman, and mid-April,

episode 701, we are, of course, breaking off another hundo.

Once again, we are breaking off our eighth hundo with this week's episode.

And speaking of hundos, last week we closed out our seventh hundo with episode 700

and nothing, 700 zero, 700 exactly.

And of course, a lot happening in the news since we dropped that episode.

A lot going on, which,

you know, with what happened on that episode.

Everyone's been contacting us.

Of course,

we have to tell you.

We have to catch you up on exactly what happened since we dropped that episode.

But we don't have time for it today, unfortunately.

We'll have to do that in a future episode because today's episode is just too packed, unfortunately.

Too packed.

So why don't we get to it?

Coming up first on the show, we have an entertainer, and that has become

Derigure.

Am I pronouncing that correctly?

Anyone speak French here?

Perhaps our guest in B-Block may.

But

that has become the norm.

I don't want to say norm in case he walks in and I have to toss him a beer.

That has become what we do in A-Block here.

We talk to entertainers, and this week is no exception.

She is a marvelous comedian, author, and and now the host of a new Netflix show, which is out now called The Wedding Coach.

I've known her for a long time, but she's never been on the podcast.

If that,

if my records are correct, are my records correct?

I don't know.

We'll ask her when she comes on.

Please welcome to the show for the first time, Jamie Lee.

Hi.

Hi, how are you?

By the way, I say your name like that because you used to say your name like that

in a joke.

I knew it.

Did you not?

Yep.

Yep.

I remember it.

And I was like, wait, does he know that joke that I used to do?

Oh, yeah.

I saw it many, many times.

You know what's really sad?

I don't even fully remember how it went.

I just know the punchline was me saying my name like Blake or Blake.

Look, if you can work your own name into the punchline of your jokes, you're living the dream right there as a comedian.

I wish I could reverse engineer jokes to just have my name in them.

That's

genius.

Yeah, it was a bit of a crutch, I think.

But we've moved it.

I liked it.

I liked it.

I've I've remembered it for now a decade for some reason.

It stocked.

The people who saw it do say that to me a lot.

So I really seeped into people's brains apparently.

Welcome to the show.

First time.

So good to have you on.

Of course,

as I've mentioned, you were on the old Comedy Death Ray Show many times as a younger comedian.

I guess everyone's younger compared to now

in the past.

But yeah,

I can't even remember.

How long had you been doing comedy when we first got to know each other when you first started doing the comedy death rate show?

I think the first time I did it, I was maybe like two years into stand-up.

Actually, the first time I ever did it, I was because I was working at Comedy Central.

That was my first job out of college.

And I had to come out here for one of the roasts.

I think maybe it was the roast of Pamela Anderson or something.

And yeah, and I remember like leaving a work function to like go do your show.

Like I just kind of slipped out and I was like, oh, I'm this company's worst nightmare.

I like want to be a comedian.

I didn't know you worked for Comedy Central.

What did you do?

Animate South Park?

Yep, that was what I did.

Did all the little cutouts.

No, I was in the publicity department.

Oh, PR, we call it.

Yes, PR.

Yes.

Thank you for co-signing that.

And now

the journey, I mean, from a two-year comedian ducking out of work commitments and hoping she doesn't get fired by the Viacom Corporation to now hosting your your own show for the Netflix corporation

in just a scant decade.

That's got to feel good.

When you put it like that, I'm like, wow, I really am working for the man.

Yes, it does feel good.

I feel really excited.

You're a cog in the corporate machine, is what I'm trying to say.

I am a cog.

But yeah, no, it feels great.

I'm really excited for people to see the show.

Well, look, I'm not going to brag, but I have seen the show.

So let's talk about it.

I have seen three or four episodes.

I'm being cagey about it because I can't remember.

But let's talk about it.

It's out now.

It's on Netflix.

And there are, look, if...

My arithmetic skills are correct.

I believe there are six episodes.

Is that correct?

Correct?

Correct.

Yep.

Yep.

So I've seen the preponderance of them, no matter if I've seen three or four.

Oh, it looks like you have a dog in the back.

I do.

I have two.

You have two dogs.

There's probably like a skateboard outside or something.

Okay, and do muzzles not exist anymore?

Do what?

Yeah, no, they don't.

Apparently they don't.

All right, all right.

Wish they were still trendy, but no.

So

the sport, I was going to say the sports coach, but that's not correct.

A sports coach is like a car, isn't that right?

Um, sure.

Yeah.

A sports coach, yeah, that sounds right.

You're more, you're not a car, you're a person, and you're hosting a show called The Wedding Coach.

Yes, I am hosting a show called The Wedding Coach.

Yeah, because when I was getting married, I felt like it was just a really like unnecessarily stressful time, and I felt like no one was really talking about that side of it.

Everybody was just kind of like excited about like, you know, tasting cakes and picking out a dress and decorations, and no one was really talking about like the merging of families and how stressful that could be.

So I wanted to.

And you literally wrote a book about this before you did a television show.

And what's the book called again?

The book is called Wediculous.

I wrote it in

Rediculous.

Wediculous.

Oh, wed.

Oh, okay.

I was going to say, what does that have to do with getting?

Do you kind of mumble it like it's an actual word?

And then I remember, like, no, Jamie, that's not a real word.

You made that up for the title.

It does have to do with getting married.

Yeah, no, no.

No wood dicks.

Unless you're, I guess, a wood nymph out there in the forest.

I mean, there are a lot of forest weddings, actually.

That's true.

I mean, you probably know that better than the rest of us.

But so you wrote a book about, I guess,

not a self-help book, but

tips and tricks.

Yeah, kind of tips and tricks.

But also I was writing the book in real time as I was planning my wedding.

So I actually was just kind of like journaling out all of like my anger and rage towards the wedding planning process.

So it's part, I guess it's part helpful, part just like honest account of what it's like to

plan a wedding.

Yeah, pretty much.

And I wrote the book with Jacqueline Novak, who's awesome comedian.

And yeah, so it was really fun having someone who wasn't going through it to like talk to it you know talk to them about the experience and right and is she is she not married or is she not married not married and so she has a boyfriend not married okay well i wasn't asking about the boyfriend i'm not interested if that's what you're has a boyfriend back off

look

i'm just i'm merely asking because i'm wondering about her point of view on the book i'm not interested in dates or as a boyfriend they're very in love they've been together 10 years i get the hint i get the the hint.

I'll back up.

But so you wrote the book and then what made you say,

you know what?

People reading this

is not as satisfying as people watching me.

Well, I think that I think the biggest thing was just that I watch a lot of wedding shows or I have over whatever my course of my adult lady life.

And what are these wedding shows?

What are the wedding shows?

You got respect the dress.

Yeah, say yes to the dress,

but it is about respecting the dress.

Yeah, and then I like your title.

My two-time wedding.

Is that one?

That actually might be one.

I wouldn't know.

That sounds very good.

It's about a bride who's two-timing someone and gets married in the middle of it.

Okay, sounds very salacious.

Yeah, there's also like four weddings and a couple of other ones that are sort of these like big...

like i don't know they've been running for like 15 seasons or something but they're all

yeah wedding shows are so popular what about funeral shows there should be those there's one on Netflix, I think, about a funeral home.

It's kind of like a live action.

Really?

What is that one?

It's like a real - I forget the name of it, but it's like a reality show version of Six Feet Under, kind of.

I mean, look, you should get involved in that because I think, you know, I mean, weddings,

there's only so many weddings, and they all end one of two ways.

You get divorced or you die.

So you get the half that people die in, and then you're getting them coming in and going,

Jamie Lee.

It'll be called Deathiculus.

Would Dick Death.

Would Dick Deathiculus?

Officialis.

It sounds like a Harry Potter spell, suddenly.

It does.

Written by that notorious Turf.

No.

But yeah, no, I just felt like all of the wedding shows I was watching were very serious.

And there was just no one trying to like merge comedy with weddings.

And I was like, God, there's just so much comedy to be mined here so I was really excited to like make a show that

not to like toot my own horn but I was like it's kind of groundbreaking like no one's doing it so I'm excited to hopefully piece

yeah I've seen

less than a handful of episodes or I guess it is a handful of episodes you've seen more than half if you've seen four that's most so you've seen most I've been thinking about it I think I've seen three I'm really

glad we're getting these numbers straight for everyone listening.

This is for the statistics.

Was it three or was it four?

We need to know.

Yes, exactly.

Um, but I've I saw the first one, which I have a question about that.

Was that the actual pilot, the first one that I saw?

And are that was the first one?

Okay, so the order that the order that they gave me in the

PR, uh, you know, behind the

PR wall at Netflix, they gave me the one where you end up at the improv and you're in a basketball.

That was the first one.

Yeah, that was the first one you saw.

Okay, I figured.

I figured.

Because it seemed like the the bride,

she had a UCB sticker on a

paper.

Yeah, yeah.

On one of her curtains.

I was like, oh, okay.

They went to a friend here.

No, actually, completely the opposite.

I think that it came through sort of the traditional casting process.

But then I remember like someone who worked on my show was like, yeah, she takes UCB classes.

And I was like, oh.

And I did notice she was like really funny.

And like, I was kind of just trying to be helpful.

And then she would like have a zinger back at me.

And I'm like, hold on, who's hosting who here?

It was kind of throwing me off.

I don't know who's zooming who, but who's hosting who?

Who's hosting who?

Yeah.

So that would be so funny if suddenly the producers came over to you after one episode and were like, you know what?

We're not working out.

We're not working this thing out.

Yeah.

The wedding swap.

The wedding swap.

Yeah.

We like that guest more.

That's my, that's my other question.

I'll get to the other episodes I saw in a second, but

I've been trying to figure out the name of the show ever since I saw it about 10 days ago.

And I keep saying to myself, the wedding something?

The wedding something?

And I'm finding it hard to remember.

You reminded me it was the wedding coach.

But in every episode, you're wearing overalls that say bride or die.

Was that the title?

Yes.

And they forced you to change it.

Yeah.

I knew it.

Am I allowed to say that?

Yeah.

Yes, you're allowed to say it.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I really knew it to be bride or die.

Bride or die, I can remember.

Yeah, but there is like a whole thing of like, if you say bride, it's excluding other people and we need something that's like a little more inclusive of everybody.

Well, your next show, though, could be Bride to die, like with the number two, because you're doing funerals.

Because I'm doing funerals.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Okay.

Well, that's, yeah.

I'll, I'll, I'll bring it back to them and see what they say if we change

four to two.

Yeah.

I'll see if they'll, if they'll be into it.

Well, uh, I saw that episode, and then I saw an episode with our friend Fortune Feemster, who was there, and uh, that was a really fun one.

And then I saw an episode with a Long Island comedian.

And no, I'm not talking about Alec Baldwin.

I'm not talking about William Joel, although he is funny when you go see him and he has like funny quips about being in the Uptown Girl video and all that kind of stuff.

But there's this Long Island comedian, one of the maybe only five famous people have come out of Long Island.

And John Gabris is the one that I'm talking about.

And he

went to a really interesting wedding with you.

Talk about that one.

That was a a Nigerian wedding in Texas.

And

yeah, there was, they had a guest who was just a bit of a wild card.

He was always like slinging really uncomfortable pickup lines at the brides.

This is, by the way, this is the groom's best friend from college.

Yes, exactly.

Yeah, best friend from college.

And yeah, he was just like a little bit of a loose cannon.

And they were nervous that at the reception he might do something inappropriate.

And that was.

I remember when you first met him, you came up to him and said, okay, what would be one of your pickup lines if you met a woman at a bar?

And it was something to do with his semen?

Oh, yeah.

You know what, Scott?

Fun fact, one of the less offensive ones that

made it into the cut.

I mean, yeah,

my mouth was on the floor.

I was just like, wait, what?

Hopefully not because of that semen.

Yeah, no, I know.

I walked into that one.

I saw it coming.

I just want to let you know.

But so, so, so you have a wild card guest and you think, you know what we should do?

We should get comedian John Gabris and maybe they'll do the mirror, I Love Lucy mirror exercise because they don't realize they're not looking at themselves.

I was like, Gabris is perfect for this because like, I just need someone who can like bro down with this guy and like not, so he doesn't feel condescended to.

And I just felt like

no, he was perfect.

And by the way, you know, there is, there is one moment where, and he's ordering shots by the armful, it seems like.

He's ordering double jacks, and he's, he's ordering them double jacks three at a time.

And, and John Gabrius says to him at a certain point, says, like, hey, man, maybe you should slow down.

And that is the only part that made it into the show that I saw of John giving any kind of advice or help.

Other than that, they basically just get drunk together and then they hang out after the show.

We did end up partying with him.

I mean, John, I feel like John, you know, that was probably like all he could do with that guy because it's just, I think it was a little tricky to navigate because he was a drinker.

So we were like trying to be cool, but also reel him in.

But yeah, it was funny, but he didn't make an ass of himself as far as we saw on camera.

No, there were some moments too.

Like we, we definitely were

trying to curb his energy.

Yeah, so I think we succeeded.

Well, it's

very fun.

If you're into these types of wedding shows, you'll definitely like it.

And even if you are not, I don't really watch wedding shows all that much, but my wife and I kept saying, Let's watch another one.

And so we just kind of kept cycling through, and then we stopped at three.

But I mean, you know, it's

made it through three.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Blame it on bed.

Yeah, blame it on bed.

But

it's very funny.

The wedding coach, aka Bride or Die, aka Bride to Die

is out there right now on Netflix.

And Jamie, you can stick around for the rest of the show.

Is that correct?

Yes.

Fantastic.

Well, we have some other guests to get to.

And we have a lawyer coming up.

Do you have you ever needed the services of a lawyer ever?

I'm sure they looked at your contracts for this Netflix show.

They did.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

My uncle's a lawyer.

I'm a big lawyer fan.

Well, big lawyer fan, that is good to know because we have one of the best here.

He has been on the show before.

He is

definitely has passed the bar if he calls himself a lawyer, although I don't know whether he has.

I've never asked him this question.

That might be our first question.

Please welcome back to the show Italiano Jones.

Scott, what is it?

Scott, your email was so urgent.

Your email was so urgent.

Scott, are you okay?

Have you been injured?

How much money will you pay me to fix it?

I flew all the way here from Italy to be with you, Scott, in case you are hurt.

Are you injured?

Are you hurt?

Have you been injured in a motorcycle truck accident?

Have you been injured in a boat plane crash?

I will fight for you.

I don't think I've ever been on a boat plane, let alone crashing one.

So no.

You have never been on a boat plane.

It was the exact type of plane that Theodore Roosevelt would ride when he would travel by sea.

Have you ever, have you been injured in one?

Scott, what is the problem?

Your email was so urgent.

I don't think it was there.

I think I was just asking you if you wanted to be on the show, but welcome to the show.

It's great to see you.

Oh, my gosh.

I would love to be on the show.

When When does it start?

Oh, it's already started.

Thank you for flying to Los Angeles just to be on a Zoom with me, by the way.

I appreciate it.

I am staying at the Hilton Grand Los Angeles.

Oh, no, I'm not paying for that, am I?

Yes, you are.

It is coming straight from Bang Bang.

Are these billable hours?

These are billable hours.

Everything you're saying, I will fight for you.

I'm fighting for you currently.

Okay, look, I can't have you on much longer than one of these hours that the show is because I just can't afford this.

Okay, so

if we creep up onto an hour, you're gonna promise me you'll leave, please.

Scott, I will be out of here as fast as you can say.

You have been injured in an accident in a

crap.

Have you been injured in an accident?

That's, I mean, that's relatively fast.

Yeah, not fast enough.

I'm still here.

Okay.

That's okay.

If I ever say that again, that is your cue to leave.

Okay.

Okay.

Scott, I have a question for you.

How long do you need me?

Because I have to go back to Italy.

There's been a pool accident.

Italians cannot swim.

And they have built a new pool

and they have all jumped into the pool and jumped on each other and there are broken necks and arms and legs.

When you say they all have, do you mean all people living in Italy?

All Itlians jumped into this pool?

All Itlians have jumped into this one Italian pool and they are all drowning.

Okay, well, no, you need to get back then.

So please, before the hour is up, I'll say that certain phrase and then that will be your release.

You will say, I have not been injured in a car truck or bus plane accident.

I have

to definitely try to remember that.

By the way, this is Jamie Lee.

I don't know if you're a

Jamie Lee.

How are you doing?

I'm doing well.

I will fight for you, Jamie Lee.

I heard, I was listening to the beginning half, and I heard that a Nigerian man drank too much, and I will fight him for you.

By the way, this man was not Nigerian.

He was not, yeah.

We want to make sure to say that the problem guest was he was a problem because he was white.

Oh, oh, he was white.

Yes.

He was white at a Nigerian wedding.

How convenient.

I don't know why that's convenient.

Because

you need at least one white man at a Nigerian wedding to bring the issues.

For compare and contrast.

For comparing contrast.

So everybody knows where they are going.

Well,

Italiano Jones, by the way, Jamie, Italiano is a, he mainly seems to specialize in car accidents, motorcycle.

A big part of your business is motorcycle accidents.

Is that right?

Yes, it is the biggest part.

Motorcycles are death traps.

I mean, you know, the fact that you're exposed to the elements and you don't have protective shielding around you.

Let's say that you are riding a motorcycle and it starts to rain.

And so you pull over to the side of the road, but somebody drives by and shoots you in the stomach with a gun.

I will fight for you.

Okay.

So has that ever happened to you, Jamie?

Hmm.

No.

But last year I fell on rollerblades.

Would that count?

You were wearing them and you fell down or you fell onto rollerblades?

No, I was wearing them and then I fell down.

So

I'm going to sue the rollerblade company for not providing like correct.

Yeah, the other way.

The other way would work.

The other way it would work.

Let's say you were walking down the street and you fell onto a pair of rollerblades.

And the man that was trying to help you up was the same white man from the Nigerian wedding.

And he told you a dirty joke.

I will fight for you.

And

have you had any interesting cases recently?

I mean you're out there in Italy and

the country has been shut down a couple of times.

Recently, I had to sue somebody, Scott.

No, who?

Yes.

Yourself?

Me, myself, and Irene.

Somebody was trying to take my crown as the tallest man in Italy.

Oh, that's right.

That's a little detail I've forgotten about you.

How tall are you?

Six foot five.

Which is not incredibly tall, but I guess in Italy that's the tallest man in Italy.

Me, Italiano Jones.

It's a family name.

That's right.

Whose family?

Yours or someone else's?

The Italianos.

Okay, right.

Scott, how have you been?

Have you been injured at all?

No, you've asked me that.

I haven't been injured at all.

I mean, my knee is still a little fucked up, and it hurts a little bit, but that's my own fault.

It's not anyone else's.

How did you fuck up your knee?

Just life.

Your knee, life fucked your knee up.

I will fight for you.

Who are you going to fight, God?

Did you know that the Vatican is in Italy?

Yeah, it's pretty famously in Italy.

It's in Vatican City.

I just found that out.

You just found that out.

How long have you lived there?

My whole life.

You never took that one left turn that got you there right to the...

What do they call it there where the Pope lives?

The Vatican.

Oh, that's right.

The Vatican.

Well, this is incredible.

You, Italiano,

you can stick around, right?

Because we have to go to a break.

Yes, I'll be here, but I have to get back to Italy very shortly.

I know, but I haven't said the phrase yet.

You haven't said the phrase yet.

That is correct.

So I am forever locked in here.

Okay.

Well, I want Jamie and Italiano, I want you here for our next guest because our next guest is a little bit of a handful.

And

I have trouble navigating

their issues on this show.

So will you promise to stick around?

And on the other side of this break, we're going to be talking to the, it's not even really a small business owner, but we've been having a lot of small business owners on the show this

year.

When we come back, we will have that small business owner.

Also coming up a little later, we'll have two fellow podcasters.

This is a packed show, everyone.

We'll be right back with more Jamie Lee, more Italiano Jones.

We'll be right back with more Comedy Bang Bang after this.

Hey, everyone.

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Comedy bang bang, we're back here.

Jamie Lee, the wedding coach, out now on Netflix.

Six episodes of hilarious wedding bloopers.

That's what the show is, right?

Just bloopers from weddings.

Bloopers.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Bloopers and practical jokes.

Funniest home weddings.

We also have Italiano Jones who's promised to fight for us.

Hello, Scott.

Hello, listeners.

I will fight for you.

Absolute Perry.

Wait, did you say Absolute Perry?

That's what I said.

Or did you say

ask for Luke Perry?

I heard absolute.

Like absolutely

Perry.

Okay, we'll never get to the bottom of this.

But let's get to the bottom of our next guest.

They are

not a small business owner, but I guess an inventor is more of a way to describe them.

They've been on the show many, many times.

Please welcome back to the show, Andre B.

Newer.

Hi, welcome to me.

Hi.

Welcome.

Well, welcome to me as well.

Welcome.

Starting Chris Moore.

I don't know.

I don't know, Scott, because I heard what you said before the break.

No, were you on?

I thought that we had muted our Zooms.

Yeah, no, you didn't mute it, and I heard everything you said.

I heard what you said.

Yeah, I heard what you said.

Well, Andre, you have to admit, we've had sort of a contentious relationship, even though we've sort of traveled the country together.

We have.

Sir, I don't contend with you, though.

I don't see it that way.

I'm here.

This is a business opportunity.

Right.

How do you view our relationship?

Merely transactional?

I would say it's transactional.

There is no emotion towards you, none positive, I'll say.

Okay, because I don't think that I'm giving you anything in this transaction.

You're not giving

a platform.

A platform to try to make ends meet.

Speaking of what, platforms are rectangular.

They are.

What are you trying?

Is that leading?

Scott?

Jamie,

and Italiano.

I don't know if you've ever met Andre Piñewer, but Andre basically comes on and pitches new ideas for inventions.

That's safe to say.

And the majority of them,

99% of them, are rectangular.

Is that?

Scott, Scott, now you're talking about me like I'm not right here.

Hi, Jamie.

Hello, Italiano.

Hello.

Hello.

Pleasures and greetings to everybody involved.

Okay, so, Scott, I do have some ideas I'd like to get off my chest today.

And

I would love to get these off my chest because I don't have time to dibble and dabble with you and on your comedies right now.

Okay.

Sure.

No, I apologize for taking so long.

In the future, when you're on the show, would you?

I don't know if I'm coming back, Scott.

The way this has been going so far, I don't know that I'll be back.

Well, you can't fire me because I

Okay, well, so is this my show now?

This is my show now.

That backfired on me.

Yeah, I am the new host.

Oh, you want to be the host?

I would like to be the host of Comedy Bang Bang.

All right, take over for me, Italiana.

Okay, so the first thing I have to do is say a catchphrase.

So, when after the after the theme song goes off, oh no,

and then I have to say, uh, strap me up to the top of a van and make it loud is Comedy bang bang.

Mm-hmm.

Okay, you're doing great.

Thank you.

I don't care.

So I think, no, unfortunately, Italiano, I would like to have a positive relationship with you, and that was, with all due respect, bad.

That wasn't good.

That was not.

Well, you know, when people say all due respect, and then they say the rudest thing possible mere seconds afterwards.

Well, I don't want to cut you off, Scott.

But, Italiano,

Italiano, I got a question for you before I get into my inventions.

Baby, are you any relation to my children?

Goodbye, by the the way.

It's all like

it doesn't mean go ahead.

Am I related to who?

Michael Tyson.

Michael Tyson.

Yes.

The famous of Tyson Chicken Farms.

Yes.

She's famous for other things.

That's pretty low on the list.

And boxing as well.

Any relation, baby?

Yes.

Yes.

That is a long-lost American cousin.

Okay, okay.

You sound American, love.

Okay.

Child.

Ciao, do I sound American?

Okay.

Okay, baby.

All right.

I need to get to my inventions because I do have an invention.

In the future, if you ever are on the show, would you like me to say your name and then immediately say?

In the future, I'd like for you to respect my domain.

I work in the invention business.

Did you, by the way, have you acquired the domains necessary for all of your inventions?

Do you have entrepenuer.com?

Entrepenewer.com is my website.

I also have.org and gov.

Should anyone try to get it from up under me?

Yes.

Okay, great.

Okay, good.

So, Scott, first things first, I'm tired of taking, I'm tired of,

how do you say, shit.

Well, you're the one trying to say it.

So go ahead and just go ahead and however you want to say it.

Just go, you know, go ahead and out with it, Entre.

Okay, well, okay, okay, Scott.

Please let me talk on my platform.

Please, you said you're giving me a platform and you seem to keep talking about it.

I'm giving you a platform, but the platform has conditions.

And one of those conditions is when you start a sentence, you know how to finish it.

Well, Scott, you'd have to give me the opportunity to finish it, love.

I mean, all this dithering and going back and forth.

How do I say, how do I, I mean, you know, you can't make your second sentence one that you have no idea what you're about to say.

No, Scott, I don't want to cut you off, but

Scott, I don't want to tell you to shut the hell up, but.

You better not, Andre.

We're going to have a problem.

We're going to have a problem, Andre Peter.

Are we going to have a problem?

Well, that's, I'm in the business of problem solving, baby.

That's perfect.

What's our problem

our problem is you are gonna tell me to shut the hell up so what's the solution scott shut the hell up what are you gonna do

what are you gonna do

okay exactly so so this invention this one's gonna be huge i am absolutely tired of shitting and peeing just any old wear

by the way you've already tried to invent the toilet on a previous episode

and you know what a toilet is oh damn it no no i just i'm looking at my notes here i'm looking at my notes here, baby.

No, no, no, baby.

Baby, I'm looking.

Here's another problem, Andre.

Now you're just repeating yourself.

It's bad enough every time you come on the show, you do the exact same thing every single time.

Now you're repeating previous episodes.

No, no, Scott.

Scott, Scott, it is Black History Month.

Please don't come.

It's not Black History Month anymore.

We are long past Black History Month.

It still is.

It still is.

What are they taking February through April now?

It's Black History Month until we get our taxes.

Thank you.

Thank you, Italiano.

Okay, well, damn.

Okay, well, damn.

I got something else.

I got something else for you.

Please have something.

Since you want to tell me I invented it.

Maybe we could reverse engineer this.

Jamie, have you ever had a problem that you wish there were...

a solution for?

You wish there was some sort of invention?

Maybe.

Now, Jamie, baby, keep it basic now for me, okay?

Baby, keep it basic.

Andre is a basic bitch.

Scott, it is Black History Month.

It's not Women's History Month anymore.

I can say bitch.

It's Black Women's National Month.

It's Italian Black Women's History Month.

Baby, I'm not Italian.

I take that back.

Jamie, please, what's your problem?

Okay.

I'm tired of spending money on makeup because I feel like there's so many different things.

Perfect.

Perfect.

Got you covered.

Got you covered, love.

Okay.

Tired of spending money.

Bitcoin.

Have you heard of Bitcoin?

You stop listening after the money part of it?

Tired of spending money.

Bitcoin.

Love, it's amazing.

You don't have to hold it.

You don't have to physically hand it to nobody.

Jamie, are you into crypto?

Is it like Apple Pay?

Sure, sure, yes.

What about NFTs?

Where do you land on NFTs?

Non-fungible tokens.

Doesn't

the band Kings of Leon have an album that is

an NFT.

Yeah.

I mean, anything could be an NFT.

They're turning tweets into them.

They're turning stage diving at one particular concert is an NFT now.

And anyone can be a B-A-B, basic ass bitch.

Okay, if we're doing that.

No, you're taking my jokes.

Is that what we're doing, Scott?

Because this is my show now, baby.

I'm sorry.

Okay, but

you are an inventor and you just saying Bitcoin

isn't an invention.

And Jamie actually, she kept going and she said she's tired of buying makeup.

And that's truly her issue.

Okay, well, if that's your issue, the invention isn't don't wear it.

That's how it is.

Don't wear makeup.

You don't have to wear it.

You don't.

You could just.

Let me just.

Well, no, let me just.

Let me just.

I'd like to just.

I'd actually like to just.

You just first and then I'll just.

Here's the deal.

Everybody is born.

Everybody.

Stop being nasty, Adelian.

He said, gestation, and you, as you said, everyone is born.

Everyone is born, okay?

Every human is born with a rectangle on their neck, right?

Okay.

Am I wrong?

Yes, sir.

Are you talking about the actual neck as a rectangle?

Are you talking about the Adams apple?

Well, no, a rectangle on your neck, Scott.

Stop trying to erase.

You're trying to erase women, by the way.

Talking about everyone's born with an Adams apple.

No,

I'm merely trying to figure out what you're saying.

Are you talking about a birthmark or a rectangle on your neck?

What could it be?

What is on your neck?

I don't.

Jamie, can you take this?

Italiano?

A rectangle on your neck.

In Italy, we call it Adam's apple a naranja.

That's Spanish.

That's an orange, I think.

An Oprah.

Listen.

Listen, what are you talking about?

Why is this so hard?

See,

I shouldn't be pitching to fools.

Okay.

I think you're just talking about the neck.

Is that right?

I have an interview with Oprah after this.

I have an interview with Oprah after this, Scott.

Oprah's interviewing you, or you're interviewing Oprah.

I'm interviewing Oprah.

Okay, about what?

Oh,

wouldn't you like to know, love?

Okay, so everybody, everybody here has a neck, yes?

Sure, everybody.

And we protect it, we respect it, yes, okay.

Protect your neck, love.

Okay,

on top of your neck,

what are you just talking about heads?

If If that's what you call it, awesome.

You can't invent heads.

Who says I can't?

It took y'all about 10 minutes to figure out what I was talking about.

Now you want to tell me.

So you want to come up with an easier head for everyone to remember?

No, I don't.

I don't.

No, no, but I do want.

I do want people to be okay with the rectangles that are on their necks.

So you don't need to buy makeup.

Makeup is a waste of money.

You see where I'm going, Scott, because because as much as you try to downplay my intelligence, Scott, I am very intelligent.

I got into Harvard three times.

You're very intelligent.

Yes.

I'm very intelligent and smart.

C.

In Italy, we call coffee intelligentsia.

I don't think so.

I don't know that you've ever been to Italy, love.

Oh, me?

I got to go in nine minutes.

I got to go back.

Now, tell me what kind of person is named after

the country they're born in.

It's a family name.

Like, yes

what's your first name is the family name yes it's italy

oh do they reverse them in italy like the first name is actually the last name have you ever seen a chinese basketball player in the nba you know yao ming's name is actually ming yao look let's do we only have it looks like uh four more minutes in the one billable hour that I can pay for Italiano Jones here.

So let's do a quick pitch to Italiano.

Italiano, do you have any kind of problem that Andree can help you with?

Yes.

And vice versa?

Yes, I have a big problem.

I have a big problem.

I wonder if you can help me.

Every time I fly to Italy, the plane never lands on the water correctly.

Is there a way that you can fix that?

So it says, yes.

I look forward to your correspondence.

Well, the correspondence is right here, baby.

Pay attention.

If you're landing on the water, it seems you should take something else with you

to get you to Italy.

Perhaps, Scott, please, I see you fixing your lips to cut me off.

Please.

Please.

I'm fixing my lips.

I'm opening them.

I'm personally.

Please, please let me finish love.

Finish.

So

a big old wooded.

You can't ask me to let you finish and then stumble around this much.

Well, because you keep cutting me off and throwing me off.

Okay, you keep cutting me off.

And it is International Women's Month.

It is Italy.

And you keep cutting me off.

It's Italy and Women's Month, too.

Okay, it's Italy in Women's Month too.

Say what you want to say and say it.

Speak from the heart and speak quickly because we only have like three minutes left in this billable hour.

This man is bossy.

Okay, I'm not coming back to this damn show.

So listen, so Italiano, there's a big rectangle made of wood.

You could take it, it will float upon the water.

It could take you.

And so the plane don't land correctly on the water.

I don't think...

I don't think it's meant for water.

That's just a hunch I have.

But there is wood you can put together in the shape of a rectangle or, you know, an an open rectangle, if you will.

And it can get you to Italy on the water and it will manage on the water.

That sounds amazing.

You are a damn genius.

If I book you to come speak at the college that I'm a professor at Itley State, will you come?

Will you come speak for my class at Itlee State?

I teach law.

I teach law and law services.

Do you want to invest in my invention?

That's really the bottom line here.

I don't do speaking engagements.

I don't even come here to do speaking engagements.

I'm trying to get investors.

Oh, that's a shame.

So you don't don't want the invention?

I'll tell you in two minutes.

You're going to say it as the last thing before you leave.

Listen, baby.

I know you need to get away.

You want to let her down easy?

I want to.

No, I'll let you know.

I'll let you know what.

I know you have to go, but I'd like to pitch you one other thing that could help our communication.

Perhaps if you don't feel you have to make a decision immediately, please.

Here's the deal.

Here's the deal.

You take a plastic rectangle.

You put buttons upon the rectangle.

I'm listening.

One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, zero.

Okay.

I'm listening.

You connect that rectangle to a wall because they're phone lines.

I do know phones exist, Scott, so shut the hell up.

All right, all right.

Okay.

So

you connect that.

Yeah.

Well, Scott, fuck right off.

Are you allowed to cuss on this?

Scott, are we allowed to cuss on this show?

I don't think you're allowed to cuss because you're a very religious person.

As you

am or not, I actually backslid, Scott.

I believe that.

Oh, no.

Wait,

you've been dipping into Satanism?

Well, that's a really far.

That's extreme.

there's something in between scott which is a little keith ranier's cult is in between yes exactly so you've just been sinning a lot or i've been sinning like crazy but we won't get into that all of them fornicating whoa uh gluttonizing uh lying stealing cheating destroying all of them murder yes like whoa yes hey y'all okay

no italiano please the rectangle the buttons on it it will send you can send me communication on paper via the rectangle.

Okay.

And it will arrive to me on my side if I have a rectangle.

Okay.

Is that your response?

Okay.

He's going to let you know.

He's going to let you know his response in just a second after I say a certain phrase.

And that phrase is,

help.

I've been hurt in a motorcycle accident, a car accident, or a boat plane accident, and I need your help.

Oh my gosh, I will fight for you, Scott.

Ciao.

Ciao.

Ciao.

Tell her your answer.

Tell her your answer.

Yes, and now you can invest.

As we say in Italy.

Ciao.

Oh, no.

Oh, he's gone.

Okay.

Well,

he's gone.

I'm so sorry, Andre.

I know you were counting on me.

You set me up.

This was a setup, Scott.

You had to go.

I was trying to help you the whole time.

This was exhausting.

This whole, this whole thing.

This truly was exhausting.

Today, I'm an exhausting person.

I'm exhausted.

You're exhausted.

You're combative.

You're rude.

I'm perfectly pleased.

You're not smart.

I'm.

I don't say this to all my guests,

but you have been a pill ever since you come on the show years ago.

Scott,

how do you think I feel?

I'm sitting up here and I listen to you describe me as difficult to describe and you're calling me a small business owner.

Nothing is small about my business, first of all.

I'm making things that change people's lives.

You're not even an entrepreneur like your name.

You're an inventor.

You came on as an entrepreneur, named entrepreneur, and then you just segued into inventing things.

Your whole name doesn't make any sense.

Scott, go to hell.

What makes an entrepreneur?

What makes a someone who has an idea, invests in it, starts their own business and is successful.

So then I am an entrepreneur, love.

I'm successful.

You keep having me back.

You can't get enough of me.

That's true.

Okay.

Yeah, maybe I do like you.

And I don't want it, Jamie.

I don't like to do this in front of you.

I don't like to do this in front of you.

You see, that brings up.

It's okay.

Look, if you were on the wedding coach right now and we're not getting married entre, but.

I would never marry you.

Say this was a situation that you were in and you have the cameras.

What would your advice to us be?

I would, you know, I've got to be honest.

I feel like you guys shouldn't get married.

I think that's probably that would be an episode where we would.

Are there ever any episodes where you said, by the way, you shouldn't get married?

And then you shut the cameras down and you walk away?

not not shut the cameras down but definitely yeah discourage okay so we should not get married andre yeah and you fall into well but scott i care for you but i i care for him i'm gonna go further than that i i love you Okay, well, I love you and we built something here.

You just gonna give up on it?

I'm sorry, but it just

doesn't seem to work.

Every time we're off, Mike, we have such a wonderful relationship and we talk for hours.

And then

you get on, Mike, and you just start needling me.

Well, Scott, it's because

it's very triggering for me because of how my mother talks to me and all, you know, so I apologize.

Well, yeah, and I apologize.

Let's do this.

Jamie, will you officiate?

Please marry us right now.

Yeah.

I'm tired of waiting.

I really, I don't support your union, but if you'll pay me back the money.

What are you, the Catholic Church?

What are you?

What are you?

The Catholic Church, you don't talk about our union.

Oh, wow.

I read the news, Scott.

I read the news.

Talk about

a month ago.

From Italiano.

I know you think I'm stupid, Scott, but I do read the meeting.

On Mike, I think you're stupid.

Off Mike, you know I'm your biggest fan and your biggest cheerleader.

Don't I know it?

Jamie, please marry me.

Please marry us.

Please marry me to him.

Marry me to her as well.

Okay, guys.

I don't think it's a great idea, but I will do it.

All right.

Hit us.

Five, six, seven, eight.

One singular sensation.

Yeah, it's a it's a tap kits.

Do you, okay, do you, entree,

take this, Scott?

Ask him first.

Jamie, ask him first, please, for my colour.

What is this power move?

Ask me first.

But it's International Women's Month, so I thought I'd go to you first.

And Black History Month.

Okay.

Black History Month.

Yeah.

Okay, that's fine.

Go with the first.

All right, I'll go first.

I'm fine.

Ask me.

Oh, no, no, I want to go first now.

Well, okay, fine.

Pick one, Entree.

I'll go second.

Okay, great.

All right.

Go ahead.

Ask me first.

woman.

Okay.

Do you, Scott, take the entree

to be your lawfully wedded wife?

I've decided I want to write my own vows.

Okay.

Yeah.

Entree.

Scott, do you want to go first with your vows?

I do want to go first.

Entree.

From the moment that I first laid eyes on you, I knew that there was something special.

I knew there was something different.

I knew that there was a brain inside that head that didn't quite work the way that other brains work.

And I knew that I just had to have that brain in my life.

That's right.

Well, that can be done.

Until the end of time.

That's okay.

And being as you can't open up your skull and just give me the brain, I'll take the whole damn woman.

Will you be my wife?

No, I have a couple questions.

Can I respond to the vows with questions?

Yeah, absolutely.

Yeah.

No, that's, yeah, that's the whole point.

I would like to respond to the vows with questions.

Yeah.

I need to know, Scott, if given the opportunity to crush my skull open and snatch my brain out, would you choose that over marrying me?

Maybe, but how, you know, who knows if that will ever happen.

It's got a little army hammer, you guys.

Jamie, this is the one.

Allegedly.

This is the one.

Yes, allegedly.

We have to say allegedly.

We don't want him to get sued lest he needs to call Italiano.

So, okay.

Scott, ever since I met you, you have really ruffled my feathers.

You have done everything in your power to piss me right off.

And it's worked.

It has been contentious from day one.

At no point have I ever felt actually connected to you, attracted to you,

or interested in you.

But because I'm a person who does not say no to an opportunity to make money, yes, I will do this.

Fantastic.

Before you say we're man and wife, I just have this prenup that I need you to sign.

It's rectangular, so you'll be really into it.

Well, I don't have something to sign it with.

Oh, I have this other rectangle, a pen.

It's more of a conical.

This is a very skinny rectangle.

This is a skinny rectangle.

This is cylindrical.

Yeah, you can call it a skinny.

I would just call this a stick.

Okay,

I'm not going to sign anything because I've got a lot of money.

Wedding's off.

Weddings off, Jamie.

Weddings off.

Scott, I knew this.

Scott, please listen.

I don't have my lawyer here.

Taliano left?

He left.

He left, and I don't feel comfortable signing without my lawyer.

Okay, wedding's weddings off.

Okay, this has been a horrible experience, top to bottom, from the minute I came onto this podcast.

I don't love you anymore, okay?

Stop trying to make this happen.

As stupid as you think I am, I was.

I was acting the whole time, love.

I thought you

were stupid, and I think you are stupid.

Wow, wow.

On International Women's Month.

Wow.

Nope, sorry.

Look, we have to take a break, but can you stick around, Andre?

I'd love to have you come back after the break.

It would be my pleasure, Scott.

Okay, wonderful.

We'll be right back with more.

We'll have some fellow podcasters, and when we come back, we'll be right back with more comedy bang bang after this.

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Comedy bang bang, we're back here.

Jamie Lee of the Wedding Coach.

She was unsuccessful in coaching us into our wedding, but that doesn't mean the show is unsuccessful on Netflix because all of those end with a wedding, as far as I know.

At least the 50% of the episodes that I saw end in a wedding.

And it would be interesting if you did an episode that started with a wedding, you know, and then it was like in media res and then it went backwards and said, oh, what led up to this?

I love that.

Breaking format.

We have some that don't end the way you would expect.

Oh, really?

The three that I've seen.

The three that I've seen end in weddings, but who knows about the others?

We also, speaking of weddings, we also have Entre Pinur, who was my betrothed.

And

I think we're going to be like star-crossed lovers, like the Immortal Bard once wrote about Romeo and Juliet.

Scott, you're literally.

No, we're not.

Scott, you're a two-timer.

I have taken a rectangle with a battery inside, and I started texting a kulop,

and she seems to know you very well.

Hey,

don't worry about her.

You think I'm stupid?

I'm recording this.

I'm recording this whole thing.

Oh, wait, you're recording this?

Shit.

I'm recording this whole thing, and I'm putting it on the internet on a Monday.

Oh, no, a competing podcast.

Well, you know what?

Speaking of competing podcasts, we have a couple of podcast hosts who host a competing podcast with us.

And I know you don't know what a podcast is, Andre, but we'll explain that when they come on.

They are the hosts of the Sports Dude.

Please welcome to the show for the first time, Jeff and Jeff.

Hey, Scott, thanks so much for having us on.

Thank you, Scott.

Thank you very much.

I heard this has a good reach.

I'd really love to ask these two gentlemen a question off the rip.

Yeah, like in the middle of them saying thanks for having us.

You know exactly who we are.

So whatever you ask is perfect for us.

You know, no, no, no.

Now, do y'all have colds?

That's the question.

Are y'all sick?

What a cold.

You sound controlled.

By the way, if you had an invention that cured the common cold, that would be something.

It's just, I mean, my voice is a little worn out for doing so much podcasting.

Yeah, we're just recording ads, banking episodes, getting interviews in.

So it's not a cold.

God, I wish I had a cold.

I haven't had a cold in a decade.

Oh, wait.

Why do you wish you'd have a cold then?

Because I have a fever.

Oh, okay.

You want it to break and become a co-would be easier to manage.

Right.

Which one of you is Jeff, by the way?

And which one of you is Jeff?

I'm Jeff.

I'm Jeff with a J.

I'm Jeff with a G.

G-E-O-F-F.

Oh,

go off, Queen.

As in G-Off.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah.

Got thrown out of high school for G-Mike

for G-ing off in class.

My cousin Jeff is the podcast guy, but he has me on as kind of a flavor.

I was doing the podcast.

We're talking sports, and I occasionally call up my cousin Jeff, and I have him on.

It's just sort of grown from there.

And, you know, now I know it's a little early, but I'd love to plug the podcast right now.

Yeah, that's okay.

Well, I mean, yeah, it's the sports dude.

You're the sports dude, Jeff?

That's the sports sports.

Jeff is the sports dude, and I, Jeff, am his cousin, Jeff.

Oh, okay.

And you're not on the show regularly?

You just receive calls from Jeff here every once in a while, Geoff?

Not regularly, but he does call me every episode, and I'm on them.

I call him every episode.

He's out every single one.

But yeah, semi-regularly.

He's out there.

I guess if I say I'm regular, it changes the contract, the hosting.

Oh, Tracy, yeah.

What is the purpose of these calls?

Why do you call Jeff over here, Jeff?

We just want to get his opinion on sports and his hot takes.

He's usually got a really out-of-the-box take for a lot of sports.

Yes, Scott, you a sports guy?

Scott, let me throw it at you.

I've been known to watch that orange ball bounce up and down.

Okay, right.

I love that sport.

Okay.

Well, if you were an NBA owner,

what team do you think should draft Robert De Niro?

Now imagine, De Niro.

Is he like the Hakeem Elajuan of basketball or acting?

You choose Scotty.

We're talking about Robert De Niro the actor.

Robert De Niro the actor.

If he was playing the NBA, Robert De Niro as himself,

Robert, star of taxi driver, War with Grandpa.

If he was to join Grandpa as well to Grandpa movies,

what team do you think could use it?

You guys seem to know more about movies than sports so far.

No, we are.

We are.

That is the sports guy, and I'm his cousin, the sportsman.

Okay, well,

I guess, you know, look, if you have to draft an actor into the NBA, Robert De Niro might not be the worst choice.

He gets so into roles, he probably would learn how to be a pretty good player.

But you're asking which team should be on?

Yeah, because I think the Nuggets could use him right now.

The Nuggets are like the X-Men of the NBA.

So he would be perfect fit there, kind of goal to get.

Well, they're made up of a group of different people who are all sort of an allegory for homosexuality or racism.

Yeah, they all kind of come together.

The coach really does have a Professor X vibe when he's sitting down.

Just when he's sitting down, meaning he's not going to be able to get out of here.

He got his hairstyle, his hairstyle.

So he's bald and he sits down occasionally and uses styles.

That's correct.

And if we're talking Denver Nuggets or the X-Men, it's got to be the Sacramento Kings are the X Factor.

We're talking Shatterstar, all the gangs there.

The kid made Mutumbo is a real X-Men name.

Yeah, you guys know a lot about comic books, it seems.

Look, we're just guys who know all the

sports.

We're talking sports here.

So, what's your sport of choice there, Entre?

Yeah,

or Jamie, whoever.

Anyone, just shout out a sport.

That's what we're talking about.

Well, my sport is a little complicated.

That surprises no one, Entre.

Well, G off.

G off.

Go off, queen.

G off, go off, queen.

G off.

So So my sport is...

So have you, are you familiar with circles?

We're big circle guys.

We love circles.

If we're talking...

Have you ever g-offed in a circle?

It's all circular because when the ends, it's really just the beginning.

That's deep.

Like a wedding ring.

Shout out Jimmy Lee.

We have J-offed in a circle, which is definitely

one of our sponsors.

You j-offed as opposed to G-Offed.

He j-offed.

I g-offed.

I'm j-offed with the J.

I g-offed with the G.

It was in a circle, which brings us to one of our sponsors.

One of our sponsors, Splooge Builder.

What?

It's a pineapple-flavored serum that increases the amount of ejaculate that one can carry through their vanity.

The amount and not the taste?

It has no effect on the taste.

We have not checked the taste.

We have not checked the taste yet.

So just the amount.

I mean, we're just reading that.

I don't know if

the amount is ever something that is really people want more of.

At least.

Speak for yourself, Scott.

It's more of like a quality over quantity type of thing.

Got it.

Jamie Lee, looking for quality cum.

Got it.

Write that one down.

She wants the quality, but if you're out there looking for quantity, Splooge Builder,

sports.

So we're talking sports.

Who do you think should be the Green Ranger?

In the Power Ranger?

Power Ranger?

It's got to be Dennis Rodman.

I was going to say Tom Brady.

Okay, this is where we disagree.

Different guys, different sports.

Okay,

I mean, it's not even sports related to the world.

Both could be the Green Ranger.

Scott, this is what the listeners love to hear us argue about stuff like this.

He says it's Tom Brady would be the ultimate Green Ranger.

I'm saying it's for sure Dennis Rodman.

Anybody else, it's nuts.

The Green Ranger's name was Tommy, so having an athlete named Tom could eliminate a little bit of the confusion for the other Rangers.

Because they would be so starstruck by Tom Brady playing him that they would accidentally call him Tom?

Jeff, you're nuts because the Green Ranger's a bad boy and nobody's a bigger bad boy than Dennis Rodman.

All right, I gotta go with you on this one, Jeff.

I subcede.

I give up.

I succeed.

I do it all.

You succeed.

I subsequent.

I have a couple of questions for both of you because you seem to have a really good business plan here.

Now, why is he J-Off?

Because he doesn't have an O in his name.

So now we're just calling him J-Off for fun.

He does have an O in his name.

I've got O.

J-E-O-F-F.

I'm G-E-O-F-F.

And okay, now J-Off, I suppose.

Have you ever tried Flones?

I keep trying it.

I'm hooked on the stuff, actually.

It's backfired.

I can't get off of it.

It's like chapstick.

You try it once, and then it just makes your nose more stuffed up.

Same for me.

I'm up to a bottle a day of Robitussing.

I'm having a bottle on the drive in to work and a bottle on the drive home.

I work in HVAC.

I take so much NyQuil, it keeps me up.

I'm on that stuff.

Nyquil shouldn't put you to sleep.

It should knock my ass out.

I am up all day long.

Oh, you're taking it in the morning.

I take it first thing as soon as I get up.

Okay, that's not how they recommend you take it.

Speaking of drugs.

Yeah.

Who in the MLB do you think is cocaine personified?

Daryl.

Strawberry?

The straw man.

Great guy.

Sockerman.

Yeah, great guess.

I actually think it's Mike Piazza.

You're dead wrong.

It's actually Mike Piazza.

Now, I rarely agree with my cousin J off here, but in this case, it's Piazza, baby.

I don't know.

I think we have a disagreement.

This is like Piazza Gate.

Oh, shit.

Hey, guys.

Is that where you go to the Met Stadium and scream, show me the pedophiles, and start firing rounds into the dugout?

Speaking of pedophiles brings us to another one of our sponsors, the video game, Sneaky Basement Boy.

That's great.

What?

Designers of the game, Sneaky Basement Boy.

Sneaky Basement Boy.

It's a popular game.

It is made by one of our neighbors to get kids to trust him into exploring his basement.

So your neighbor made a video game to lure children into his basement?

Probo code sports.

Type it in.

Tell the sports dudes.

T-O-R-T-S.

Schools.

You guys, have you ever watched a sports match or a game?

Love sports matches.

Okay, here.

All right, let's get to more sports trivia.

Jamie Lee, you're a sports gal.

You like baseball, right?

Okay, Don Mattingly, is he or is he not taller or shorter than Jason Statham?

Is he or is he not taller or shorter?

These are the quick questions.

And you're

taller

or exactly the same.

Not to throw a curveball at you, but I think it's.

Do you know what a curveball is, by the way?

Do you know what a curveball is?

Yeah, I've been in a back room of a bar where everybody was doing curveballs.

It fucked me up pretty good.

You're just a drug addict.

You don't seem to know anything about sports.

Ben is

my dog.

Keto is my fucking left.

All right.

Jeff over here.

Oh, God.

Good guy.

Great fucking guy.

I totally forgot what I was talking about when the dog came and attacked me.

Okay, well, I don't know why you brought it up.

But look, okay, go ahead and throw your curveball at G off here.

Oh, well,

now I remember.

Jeff over here, he's like Clint Eastwood in that he has a little trouble with the curve.

Worth it, right?

That's quiet, Jeff.

Quiet, Ben.

You forgot your dog's name.

It's confusing.

It's two names to remember, love.

It's white men's names.

They all kind of run together after a while.

Now, just for the sake of Brandon, I have an idea for y'all.

I just.

That's another white man's name.

Brandon.

Of course, Brandon Lee, if he were to play on the NHL,

you know, you got to put him on the black.

No helmet.

No helmet.

It's the closest thing to the crow.

It's the class.

That's right.

See, yeah, you're getting the hang of this, Scott.

Well, Andre, did you have something you wanted to say about Brandon?

Brandon.

Well, yes, Brandon.

That's my son.

I do have a son named Brandon.

You didn't tell me that.

I didn't want to.

Does that change your mind about me, Scott?

So I will marry you?

How old is Brandon?

Brandon is 17 years old.

He's going to be.

He's a little old for sneaky basement boy, but he might still like it.

Okay.

Well, I actually don't want him involved in any of this stuff because up until recently, I was a Christian woman.

So

I,

Brandon-wise, Brandon, B-R-A-N-D-I-N.

I thought maybe it would be wonderful.

If you guys like this idea, by the way, I do need to be compensated.

you keep saying promo code sports what if you spelt sports s-p-e-r shit s-p-r-e-o-t-t-s just throw an extra e in there sprays oh uh sprays

oh like kind of like jeff like geof oh like g off oh gosh so put an extra e in there like g sports

esports o e sports speaking of podcasts i'd like to ask our gold members to continue listening And if you haven't paid for a gold level subscription, please shut off the podcast.

Silver and Below cannot listen to us on other podcasts.

It's just the honor system?

Yeah,

that's not a way to do business.

That's not a way to do business.

You should invent some sort of

internet site entrepreneur.

Okay, it could be a wall, and we call it a wall, a rectangle.

We all know what walls are.

Sure, sure.

And call it a paywall.

A paywall.

Yes, build the wall.

Speaking of walls in the Game of Thrones series, what NFL quarterback would you want to be part of the watch?

And why is it Ryan Leaf?

Okay.

There's one answer.

One answer only.

It's John Elway.

All right.

And here we go again.

Quarterback?

They're both number 16, but unfortunately.

I think you want a defensive lineman in there, don't they?

Oh, yeah, you want junior say out?

That's fucked up, Scott.

We got junior say out and the Canadian Crippler on the wall defending the Night's Watch.

Okay, now it's now I'm thinking you do know a little bit about sports because I don't know who they are.

Chris Benoit, the Canadian Crippler.

Chris Benoit, the wrestler.

Our favorite wrestler.

He's a favorite wrestler over at the sports dude with Jeff.

Yeah.

Oh, God, I don't know.

How many listeners do you have?

That's the thing, Scott.

We have not figured out how to check that yet.

So we're unaware of how many listeners we have.

But if we want to go by live tickets sold, we're doing a lot of live shows these days, a lot of

meet and greets after the show and stuff like that.

We're doing carryover

live shows.

A ton of live shows.

Busier than ever.

We're in Alabama.

Venues, indoor venues.

Oh, no.

Yeah.

That's.

I mean, you know, things are opening up hopefully soon, but I don't know if right now is a great time for you guys to be doing indoor venue shows.

We're doing meet and greets in windowless karaoke moves.

We're doing those?

Yeah.

Shake it hats.

Kiss babies.

Kiss it, babies.

Tom Brady style.

Bring a graduated.

Do you know what that means?

Yeah, that's where you're getting a massage and your son comes in and kisses you on the lips on camera and you post it yourself.

Yeah, no, I don't think that's weird.

But that's not weird at all.

That's just being an athlete, and he's got the seven championships to prove it.

I wish my dad would have kissed me.

He'd probably have done better in life.

I wish your dad, my uncle, wouldn't have kissed me so much.

Okay, well,

you guys can have an off-night conversation about that.

If you wanted one athlete to take a photo of you, who would it be?

And why is it Tib Hardaway?

What situation are we in?

Is it a, I see them on the street and I want a photo in front of a business that has like my name, like Scott's Pool Hall.

I'm like, hey, take a photo of me under this sign.

Is that that's right.

Yeah, you're at Scott's Pool Hall.

It's like, shit, my name's Scott.

I'd love a photo of me.

This would be funny as hell.

You look over and who's there?

It's the 1989

dead left shrimp.

I think anyone.

I don't know any other basketball players.

Anyone of the 1986 Chicago Bears, maybe.

Okay, you want the Bears?

You want McMahon?

You want the Refrigerator, maybe?

I straight up, I would love to see what Ditka bust out.

Better hip-hop group, the 86 Chicago Bears or the Wu-Tang Clan.

You tell me.

I don't know.

That's a push.

Is William Refrigerator Perry the method man of the 86 Bears?

Call in now.

1-5-6.

We don't know.

We don't have anything.

Call right now.

We are getting a call.

We are getting a call.

Okay, let's pick it up.

Caller, are you there?

Yeah.

Hello.

Hi.

You're on Comedy Bagwater.

Hey, you're on with the sports dude.

Comedy Bagway.

I was trying to call the sports dude.

Oh, no, the sports dude is here.

It's a sort of crossover episode.

But yeah, go ahead.

Okay, sports dude.

If you're on the New York Giants,

who's the Falcon?

Which one is the Falcon?

Which one is the Falcon of the New York Giants?

That's right.

That's the question this guy's asking.

He's curious, which one of the things that you're talking about.

I'm glad you came on, Jeff, because the question was confusing even for me.

I was confused.

Falcon and the Winter Soldier.

Which one's the Falcon?

Which one's the Winter Soldier?

Is that what you're talking about?

More Marvel stuff?

Or are you talking like G.I.

Joe of all the New York Giants who would make the best Falcon?

Well, you know, a Giant starts with G.I., you know?

That's a great connection, Scott.

Holy shit, my mind's fucking blown.

And my mind falls out of my nose pretty easily because my septum is fucking rough.

You see it trickling down.

Better chance of defeating Cobra.

Is it G.I.

Joe or G.I.

Ants or the Giants?

And Cobra, meaning the insurance that you got

to get from your job?

Cobra Commander, the guy who says,

you can keep your alt policy for the same amount of money.

Great question, caller.

Makes me think of another question.

I'm confused.

Jamie, Andre, back me up on this.

Is this as confusing to you as it is to me?

Very confusing, Scott.

And you know, as a person who communicates very clearly, I'm having a hard time following y'all.

Maybe we just don't know enough about sports.

I think that's what I mean.

It's got to be the sports thing.

Who would make it the NHL, National Hockey League, a Bug's Life or Ants?

Well, ants is probably canceled because of the hole.

I can separate the artistic merit of ants away from

the bad baggage that comes with Woody, all right?

This controversial call, but I think we all have to honor the great things ants has provided us as

a society, as humanity.

Which brings us to our next ad.

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Fourth quarter, fourth and ten, 11-yard line.

Who are you throwing the ball to?

In your wide receivers, are Nightcrawler?

Probably Nightcrawler.

He can just bamf into the end zone.

You know, if you

hit him anywhere downfield.

But what if it has to be subwooed from the masters of the universe cated?

Skeletor, probably, because everyone's going to be too scared of his skeleton body to tackle him.

You're throwing a Hail Mary.

That's a hot take.

Hot take, Ackerman.

You're throwing a Hail Mary.

You're sending Skeletor.

Mary Mary.

You're on the 11-yard ramp.

Why are you throwing Hail Mary?

You're on the 11th.

You're on your own.

You're on your own 11.

89 yards, first and 10.

Wait, is the clock running down?

Because it seems like you can just throw for 10 yards.

40 seconds left.

The clock's going backwards.

You're in some sort of 10.

40 seconds is a lot of time.

Tenant.

You're in some sort of tenant situation.

I guess I would.

It's a temporal pincer movement being run by the Kansas City Chiefs.

I guess I would pick Scarecrow from Batman Begins.

Okay.

But you're going against the Battle Toads.

Oh,

this is tough.

Maybe Ruffy.

I wish the listeners could see the faces of Andre and Jamie who are fully relishing in this.

I'm probably going to go with Leonardo because he leads, but that's a whole different podcast that I can't get into.

Oh, God help us.

We're already in so many class action lawsuits.

We do not need another.

Please don't start a Battle Toads podcast.

Look, guys, it's been great getting to know you, but we are running out of time.

We just have time for one final feature on the show, and that, of course, is a little something called plugs.

Whoa, that was heavy shit.

That was plugs one, two, three by fluorescent badge.

Thank you so much to Fluorescent Badge for that wonderful plugs theme.

If you have one, go hit us up and send them wherever people send them.

I have no idea where that is.

Jamie, what are we plugging here?

Obviously, the wedding, what is it, the wedding stuff?

The wedding, the wedding coach.

Ah, the wedding coach.

On Netflix Now.

Netflix Now, all six episodes.

They're about a half hour each.

This is,

look, you could, you could watch all six of these or The Godfather.

They're the same amount of time, three hours.

What would you suggest people do with their time?

I mean, I say binge it.

I say don't watch The Godfather.

We've heard about that movie for too long.

It's time to come on.

We need some

Godfather.

We need a new Godfather.

We need a wedding coach.

That's right.

All right, great.

And Andre, anything you want to plug here?

Just several of my inventions, but I understand we don't have time for that.

So otherwise, no.

No, I don't.

No, there's not even like a show that you can watch on a rectangular device that comes on week to week?

Every once in a while, there is this show that I do watch on a rectangular device.

Thank you.

Call that a television, you dumbass.

Okay, well, you pitched it to me several episodes ago.

Well, your memory is impeccable, Scott.

Yes, there is a show, a program I enjoy.

It's called Saturday Night Live.

And yeah, I do watch that from time to time, but I don't know if I want to plug it.

Sure.

You wouldn't maybe go that far, but it has been having a great year, and certain performers on there have been doing really well this year.

And so maybe it might be amusing or humorous to watch such a show and to chortle or giggle at it.

Sure, sure.

So, Saturdays,

11:30 p.m.

Eastern Time.

I think it comes on at 8:30 p.m.

Western time.

Out here in Pacific, yeah, maybe in Chicago, it's at 10:30.

Chicago, yes, exactly.

So,

NBC, Saturday Night Live, Check it out sometime.

If you've never seen it, now's the time to start.

Saturday Night Live getting the comedy bang bang bump for once.

Well, if it makes it to 50 years, you'll know why because we plugged it on this episode.

And

J off and G off, what do you guys want to plug here?

Splooge Builder.

No, not your own.

No, you can't do

contractually.

We've got to do it.

We've got to plug Splooge Builder again.

How many businesses that you advertise are your own businesses?

Are you the guys creating Splooge Builders?

You want us to plug somebody else's business, Scott?

Fine.

ActionBoys.biz, a Patreon podcast about action movies.

I don't get it.

Not enough sports talk for it.

There's almost no sports talk.

Many of you.

I hear they ramble on for a really long time in these episodes.

Every episode longer than the runtime of their movie.

That is not necessarily a positive.

That's the promise.

But if you're talking dollars per minute, these guys are a good value.

If you have a job where you mop floors or just have to do a remedial task for hours on end, it's the perfect podcast for you.

Number one downloaded podcast amongst pizza box folders.

Wow.

Well, I want to plug, I have another show, Threedom, that comes out on Thursdays.

That's Paul F.

Tompkins and Lauren Lapkus and myself.

And that's just the three of us sitting around having fun in my backyard and shooting the shit and then playing games.

So, check that out.

Subscribe to it.

All right, let's close up the old plug bag.

Don't open that shit.

Open that shit rap.

Don't open that shit.

Don't open that shit.

Don't mess around.

Open that shit.

Don't open that shit.

Open that shit.

Open that shit.

Open that shit.

Open that shit.

Don't open that shit.

Open that shit.

Don't open that shit.

All right.

That was

fun.

Yeah, that was good.

That's a new one.

That's open that shit by public speaking.

Oh, interesting to name your band after something that is non-musical.

But thank you to Public Speaking for that.

And guys, I want to thank you so much, Jamie.

Great to see you again.

Great to see you.

And Andre, I'm sorry that we couldn't make a love connection, but if you want to have a second date, we'll pay for it.

Okay.

Well, in that case, yes.

If somebody's paying, then yes.

Okay, because

you're broke.

You don't have a lot of those rectangles with the pictures of old white men on it.

Well, I don't dabble with those anyway.

You know that I don't accept that form of payment anyway.

Bitcoins.

Yeah, with the price of Bitcoins going up the way they are.

I think the price are going sky high.

They're like the Frank Thomas of crypto.

I don't know what that means.

The big hurt.

If you had to name one

former MLB player as a cryptocurrency, it would be Frank Thomas, the big hurt.

Guess so.

I don't understand why you're talking about it.

There's no argument.

Yeah.

And guys, I don't know really what you're talking about, really, ever.

On the sports side, certainly.

You know, the X-Men side, I'm doing okay on.

That's right, Spooge Builder.

Promo code sports.

Splooge it up.

Okay.

Thanks, everyone.

We'll see you next time.

Bye.

That's the way I really wanted to end this, so thank you.

Bye.

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Shaking, stiffness, drooling, and trouble with moving or balance may occur.

Take control by asking your doctor about Ingreza.

Learn more at ingreza.com.

That's -

R-E-Z-Z-A.com.

Ingreza!

Hi, I'm Angie Hicks, co-founder of Angie.

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Done well.

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Find a shoe for every you from brands you love like Birkenstock, Nike, Adidas, and more at your DSW store or dsw.com.