Can A Bird Do A Foxtrot? (Martin Starr, Erin Keif, Jon Mackey)

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An apple a day keeps the doctor away, but a thoroughly modern Millie a week lets Carol Channing speak.

Welcome to Comedy Bang Bang.

Ah, that tickled me.

Thank you to Dickie England for that catchphrase submission submitted in January of 2023.

Thanks so much for that.

And welcome to Comedy Bang Bang for another week.

My name is Scott Auckerman.

We have...

An exceptional show.

Coming up a little later, we have a returning guest, and we also have a physician.

A physician is going to let us know everything about what they, they're their specialty, I would imagine.

Maybe they're more of a general broad practitioner.

When I say broad, I don't mean, of course,

a woman.

We don't call women that these days.

That's not what this show is about.

Because at Comedy Bang Bang, I don't know if I've mentioned it recently, but we care.

Comedy Bang Bang.

We care.

That's our new tagline for 2025.

What do you think about that?

Yeah, look at you.

Yeah, yeah.

I really love that tagline.

Yeah, that's a good one, right?

That's That's the one.

It used to be

Humanities Podcast.

I'll change it on Apple Music or whatever

you people get your podcasts.

I'll change it so that

that's the heading that you see now.

Do you do that for all podcasts or just mine?

I'm the guy that does that.

You're the guy.

I'm the guy.

You're so busy, and yet you're doing

all of this podcast work on the side?

Yeah.

Surprisingly, not that busy because I've got a lot of time to do this.

Do you?

Okay, well, we'll talk about why you have so much time, but let me introduce you.

He is

the star of so many television shows that you know and love growing up.

Freaks and geeks.

That's one.

Silicon Valley.

That's two.

Oh, man.

Yeah, we've reached our limit.

I'm struggling to think of a third.

That's it.

That's it.

That's so many, though.

But so many.

But he also is in a television show called Tulsa King.

That's it.

And any other regular television work?

That's pretty much.

You've guest starred on a a lot of stuff oh buddy you you want to talk about hawaii 5.0

i got you coincidentally i do

what's the 5.0 stand for the 50th state that's right got it yeah last one to concede or whatever i thought that it was alaska but shouldn't it be called hawaii 49

i'll you know what i'm gonna go on apple music and figure this out great thank you so much he's also been in movies uh we're talking the 40-year-old virgin that oh yeah Right?

Is that how old he was?

Damn, that's late to get your first fucking.

Did you just put that together?

That's what that title meant.

Oh, I was like in my teens when we made that one.

Oh, right.

Did you think it was a 40-year-old movie?

40.

Did you happen to be about a virgin?

I was like, my grandpa's 40.

Like, what's going on?

Yeah.

Are you a virgin?

He has a new movie coming out this Wednesday on Hulu called The Hand That Rocks the Cradle.

Yeah.

The hand?

The very hand that rocks the cradle?

You can rock a cradle with many appendages.

Sure.

You can probably just lean into it with your side and it would kind of go back and forth a few times.

Look at you.

Avoiding appendages altogether.

Yep.

It would be uncomfortable to stand that way all night, perhaps.

Yeah.

It'd be a workout.

Sounds like you've tried.

Babies prefer the hand.

So we went with the hand that rocks the cradle.

The hand rocking the cradle.

And that's why you went with that, in addition to the fact that it's a remake of a movie that was titled The Hand that that Rocks.

Wait, what?

Yeah, it's a remake.

It's out on Hulu this Wednesday.

I have seen the film, but let's welcome him.

He is joining the exclusive Eight Timers Club here on Comedy Bang Bang.

Wow.

Please welcome back, Martin Starr.

Hey.

How's it going?

Now, not only are you joining the Eight Timers Club, but your first seven were...

before seven years ago.

You haven't done the show in seven years.

Yeah.

Well, and there's a reason for that.

Is there really?

I've been busy making candy.

You are making candy.

I buried the lead.

I didn't talk about this in your introduction, but you brought some

for everyone concerned here.

It's called Sweet Stash Jams.

Yep.

And Sweet Stash is the company name I'm taking it.

That's right.

And jams are the candy.

Fucking, you're good at this, dude.

And I'm surprised to learn that jams haven't been a candy up to this point.

It just seems like

certain candies should have been called jams.

Gentlemen.

Yeah, I think Bob Marley should have made jams.

I don't know why he didn't.

Do you think you could license the Bob Marley song?

How much could it possibly be to license the Bob Marley song for a commercial?

Oh, God, it's got to be cheap.

You get a sync license.

That's got to be cheap, right?

Like, who's going Bob Marley these days?

Yeah, these are gummy candies that you decided to make.

Let's, you know what?

Let's forget about your movie and

all the rest of you.

Let's just talk candy.

Wipe the slate.

These are candies, gummy candies in the shape of musical notes that you are making with some friends.

Yep.

And these are sold nationally, internationally.

Right now, we're just in the Midwest, but we're, I mean, we're online, so you can get them wherever you live.

How's that work?

Do you like to put them in a box and go down to the post office?

That's what we do, yeah.

And then you just wait at home, and it eventually makes its way to you.

I mean, I guess people could order online, then come by, swing by, and pick it up.

You could.

Actually, no, we don't offer that service.

You don't really know swing-bys?

You know what?

I lied.

We don't do swing buys.

No swing.

So, where are you located out there in the Midwest?

Omaha, Nebraska.

Omaha.

And that's where the factory is.

That's where you make everything, package everything.

We have a co-packer.

Co-packer?

What's that?

Going into the weeds.

I think our co-packer is in Chicago.

That should be a football team, shouldn't it?

The Chicago Co-Packers.

Co-packers.

I don't think Chicago's going to want anything with the word Packer in us.

I don't know, though.

I don't know.

I once in 1993 was in the train station.

Sorry, what year was that again?

1993.

Were you doing freaks and geeks at that point, or were you?

You mean 1,993?

That's right.

1,993.

Okay.

Were you born then?

I would imagine you were, but

real born.

How born at that point were you?

Oh, I was like 11 years born.

11 years.

It's not yet barely legal.

And you were.

Whoa.

And you were.

So

I'm in this train station in 1990, or I'm sorry, 1993.

Thank you.

And someone is walking around in a Green Bay Packers full regalia, hat, jersey, everything.

Yeah.

And then I spied two Chicago people wearing the same outfit, but for the Chicago, whatever, Bears, right?

Bears, yeah.

And they conspired and they said, Let's go kick that guy's ass.

Let's go push him into a corner and kick that guy's ass.

You brought the two most hatingest teams in the NFL together to kick your ass?

No, it wasn't me.

I wasn't in the green baby.

Oh, oh, oh, oh.

I thought you were.

Oh, I misunderstood.

No, no, no.

They weren't conspiring to kick my ass, although they should have been.

Because that would have been an incredible story

of connection and friendship.

If I had gotten involved somehow in the story, like leapt up and called an officer or something.

Oh, yeah, yeah.

But you're making candy.

And what do these taste like?

Is it like fruit,

sour fruit, sour, sweets?

What are we talking about?

We run the gamut.

We got sours and sweets.

Sours and sweets in the same packaging?

Yeah.

And how do people go?

What is it?

Sweets?

Sweetstash.com?

It's more on the tart.

Yeah, it is sweetstash.com.

It's more on the tart side, but

yeah, we like, we make a gum.

It's look, if you like gummy candy, give it a try.

Just give it a try.

And what?

I stand by it.

What separates it from the other gummy candies in the world?

Is it the shape?

Is it the flavor?

Is it a combination of both?

I'd say the quality.

The quality.

We skimped nowhere in making sure that it...

Where do other companies skimp?

Artificial colors and flavors?

Really?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

We don't use any of the stuff that we that are knowingly

carcinogenic or cancerous or whatever the fucking word for it is.

Right, yeah.

So

no one's going to get sick eating these things other than a business.

I hope not.

Oh, okay.

I mean, you could probably just, you could get sick if you put them in your nose.

I guess, And also, by the way,

you can die from eating anything if you eat too much of it.

Thank you for pointing that out.

I don't know how many pounds you would need to eat of this, but if you just kept eating it, it didn't matter.

That's actually the legal disclaimer that we have on the bag.

Boy, I tell you, America these days, always having to put the, ever since that McDonald's cup spilled in someone's lap.

Wasn't that a $20 million lawsuit?

It was, but there's shit.

You're in my fucking hand, dude.

I mean, actually, investigated.

She was in the right.

Actually, look up the story and she.

Yeah, because it was so hot, wasn't it?

That she had like third-degree burns.

Not only that, there was all sorts of mitigating factors, but you know, Jay Leno dumbs it down.

It just goes, yeah, why?

Someone spilled the coffee.

They got $20 million.

Jay?

Hold on a second.

Jay Leno?

Jay Leno, did you ever see his

tonight show?

Is he the waist that rocks the cradle?

No,

is he still around?

If you mean on television, no.

If you you mean off television, yes.

Okay.

But are we, you know, if we're off television or off podcasting, like, do we even exist?

Are we real?

That's right.

Let's talk about your television work.

You're on these amazing, amazing shows.

Yeah.

You're also on Tulsa King and

with one of our ambassadors.

Yes, he's an ambassador.

That's right.

He's one of Hollywood's ambassadors.

The great ambassador.

Is he out there telling you what you can say, what you can't say?

No.

No.

He just sticks to the work.

Yeah, we have a very low.

John Voigt's in the corner over here telling us what we can and can't say.

Yeah, I mean, our views are different in a lot of ways, but when it comes to being on set and working together, I have a really great time working with him.

Does he ever tell you Rocky stories or anything like that, or Rambo stories?

You know what?

Not specifically.

He talks about...

Do you ever tell you a story and you think it's about him, but then it turns out he's just telling you the plot to Rambo 2

twice.

And I shouldn't have fallen for it the second time, but god damn, he just tells a good story.

And I was like, holy shit, he's

got me again.

It's a great, great story.

Yeah.

Rambo 2 specifically.

And then he also read me John Voigt's autobiography.

Oh, really?

And I thought that was his life story until we got to the end.

So you thought he was in Midnight Cowboy

in a conda.

good for you that's what i kept saying as he was telling the story good for you and then you then you happened to look just down to waist level and you had john voig's book open in his i didn't i would i should have looked down you know what that's a good idea and i didn't think of it well he's got such magnetic eyes i was wrapped yeah yeah just looking at his eyes even though he was looking at the book Yeah, I should have followed his eyes to the book.

You should have.

Always follow anyone's eyes wherever they go.

I just follow eyes.

So you're in the middle of the third season.

That's airing right now.

Yes, That's airing now, and we start the fourth soon.

So then you're doing this TV show.

That's right.

And then suddenly you're in this movie?

How does this,

how does this work?

Golly.

I'll never know.

These things baffle us, don't they?

I don't get it.

Now, I have seen this movie.

Would that surprise you?

Yes.

Especially with the hoops that fucking Disney makes you jump through to watch it.

Did they send you a screener and you had to put in your password and a drop of blood?

So I had to do a new password in front of it.

They go to a go to a mobile device and log into this.

So I did.

And then it says

go to a computer now and log into this.

So I went and did that.

Then they go, go back to the mobile device and do this.

Then I did that.

Pee in a cup.

And then

they really get you with the authenticator app.

Oh, yeah.

Generating random fucking numbers every 60 seconds.

I had to like, then I finally found the numbers and I put them in and they were wrong and start all over with the whole process.

Then finally, I got to watch this movie as the director intended, with my email emblazoned across the screen for the entire movie.

Michelle loves that aspect of it, like specifically.

In fact, everyone that watches on their Hulu account, their email is showing.

Yeah, it's a watermark-intended movie.

And it's interactive in a way.

Yeah, you feel like you're a part of it.

Exactly.

But I've seen this movie.

It's great.

It's a thriller.

It is, of course, a remake of the thriller from the, I believe, the 90s, Rebecca.

92.

92.

Rebecca De Mornay is there.

Rebecca De Mornay.

I've not seen the original.

Annabella Siora.

You haven't?

I have not.

No, Scott hasn't seen.

That's the title of my book.

Scott hasn't seen?

Is that the name of your new podcast?

It's the name of my podcast.

It's been going for four years now, actually.

You got to be on it.

Okay.

I'm getting a verbal commitment from you.

Yeah.

You just talk about movies you haven't seen?

That's fun.

And I don't see them either.

Yeah.

I just talk about them.

Do you go based on title?

Do you read anything?

Wikipedia?

If you really want to get into the weeds on how this podcast is,

we talk before we watch the movie.

We talk about what we know about the movie from Cultural Osmosis.

We watch the movie, and then we talk about that movie.

I think Cultural Osmosis should be the actual name of your new podcast.

Yes.

Or Cultural Osmosis Jones.

Thank you.

One of those.

That needs a reboot.

It really does.

People are clamoring for it.

Much like Tron.

Did you see Tron?

There's more of that.

Can you imagine?

Jesus.

You have a Jared Leto kind of thing about you.

Let me finish in the sense of you have.

Oh, God.

I have too much facial hair?

You have a beard.

Is this your Tulsa King beard or is this your...

It's hard to take a compliment out of that.

Yeah, this is my Tulsa King beard.

So this is the look that your character has on Tulsa King.

I'm the Tulsa Prince.

Were you to arrive on set one day and just go like, you know what?

I just thought I would shame.

What would they do?

And that is my voice.

I'm clearly the Tulsa jester.

And thank you for noticing.

No, I don't remember how things happen.

But somehow I have long hair and a beard on the show.

And I am slowly cutting my hair through the season that happens currently.

Is that true?

Because I just wanted it shorter.

So episode one, it's your normal Tulsa king length.

Yep.

But at the end of episode one, you go, Let me give this a little snip.

No, no.

Cut half an inch off?

Close.

We shot in blocks.

So we shot like two episodes and two episodes, two episodes.

And by the end of the season, in between each block, I got a little haircut.

So it got shorter.

The end of the season, my hair is like four inches shorter than it was before.

Do you ever mention it of like, oh, I just got a haircut, or it's just, it just gradually gets shorter every two episodes?

Nope.

And no one ever says to you, like, hey, I like your new look or anything like that.

Nope.

I mean, after a person gets to a certain age, you're in your 40s.

Thank you.

People should stop commenting on haircuts, right?

Who gives a.

You know what I mean?

It's like,

like,

I'm 29.

I don't need to.

Whoa, whoa, whoa.

You're 29.

29, yeah.

It's hard to believe.

Damn.

Especially since I just mentioned that I was in a train station in 1,993.

That was year one for you.

That's right.

And then I was one for a number of years.

Yeah, at least four years.

But The Hand That Rocks the Cradle,

you know, I've seen the movie, but let's talk about your character.

Are you constipated?

What's going on over there?

Let's talk about your character.

Some would be surprised you do not play the baby in the titular cradle.

Fucking, dude, come on.

Spoiler alert.

I know, I know.

People are hoping that whoever's rocking that cradle with that hand suddenly camera pans over, maybe like swish pans over.

Oh, that would be amazing.

Dude, love a swish pan.

And then your bearded face is just looking up from the cradle.

Dude, that would be amazing.

We got to do it again.

That's it.

I'm going to call Michelle.

Yeah, I'm going to call the director.

We're going to do it again.

Who's this Michelle?

You mentioned her twice.

She's the director of the film.

What is her last name, if you don't mind?

Michelle Garza.

Garza's her middle name.

Honestly, that's as far as I've gone.

Why read further at a certain point?

Like, you're not going to be mentioning her last name to her all the time.

Yeah, I've referred to her as Michelle Garza so many times that I forgot now her last name, which you're going to look up.

I am going to say it out loud.

I am going to say it out loud.

It is Michelle Garza Cervera.

Yeah.

And

this is a dynamite thriller.

I haven't seen the original, but this is exciting.

You have.

She's such an interesting voice, too.

Did you see her first movie?

I didn't.

I want to, though.

Poisera.

It's such an interest.

We were talking about babies before the show.

And you could.

By the way, my baby, not just babies in general.

No, I mean, like, we were kind of talking about all babies.

You were talking about your baby.

I was relating

narcissists.

Yeah, but I was talking about all babies.

Humankind, also talking about human babies.

So, babies, adults.

We were talking about just everyone on Earth.

Yes.

Just kind of babies.

Right.

But

her first film is about babies?

It's about pregnancy.

And if you, and I think you and I both, well, you said now you like babies, but when you were having baby one,

which you've got three more on the way, right?

Oh, so

well, I shit.

Did I ruin it?

You didn't know about them.

Honey, are we having triplets?

But

when I was younger, I wanted babies.

Now I'm like,

I'm good.

I'm good.

I don't need it.

And this is.

Also, your projects are like your babies.

You know what I mean?

Thank you for noticing.

Oh, God.

I really like it.

And we're about to give birth with the hand that rocks the cradle on Wednesday.

Yeah.

Airing on Hulu.

And I give birth in the movie.

That's true.

Yeah.

That's a big part of it.

Because you're in the early part of the movie, and then it like halfway through goes into a flashback of how the baby was born.

Yep.

And it's like...

Suddenly a cab is driving down New York City and the cab driver's like, honk, honk, honk, honk, honk, honk.

Yep.

And someone in the back is like, step on it.

Yep.

Here's, there's an extra hundred in it for you if you get us there within the next five minutes his water just broke and then suddenly it pulls over to the to the er but they don't have time to get you in there and you just give birth right there on the sidewalk that's it and then that little baby grows up to be mary elizabeth winstead

yep that's the pre that's they're just the pre-story in the beginning that's the pre-story and then then you're also her best friend in this movie which is interesting because i do a time jump you don't age at all in the movie That's correct.

But it's established you're a time traveler.

But my hair gets shorter.

At the end of the movie, I have a shaved head.

It's great.

You're going to love it.

You're going to love this film.

You do play Mary Elizabeth Winset, great, great actor, who, of course, most people would know from season three of the Comedy Bang Bang Television Show.

That's right.

She plays the lead, the mother

in this movie, if you know anything about the plots.

And then you also have Malcolm Monroe, who people would know.

Micah.

Micah.

Is that?

Oh, that's all right.

I don't have my glasses on.

And that I look like an L.

Respect to your eyesight, which doesn't deserve respect.

Micah Monroe, who people would know from our good friend Longlegs, who's been on the show many times.

She's in that movie, the movie based on his life.

And your friend Kumail was on the show with Long Legs.

I've heard of him.

About a year ago, I believe.

Oh, fun.

And

she is the nanny

to the child.

child.

She's the hand.

She's the literal hand.

You also have Raul Castillo, who people would know from Task this season of Task.

And your buddy Ricky?

Yes.

Wait, who's Ricky?

Ricky Lindholm is in it.

Oh, yeah, Ricky, of course, plays your wife.

Girlfriend.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Oh, I'm sorry.

Were you not lawfully wedded?

Whoa, whoa.

Man, hold on a second.

Let me just get there, okay?

And you have a very funny scene with Ricky early on, and

then you don't show up for a little while.

I'm like,

did this motherfucker trick me into coming on this show?

And he has one scene in this movie?

Who's Joy MIC?

Let me tell you, shit starts to get pretty real for old Martin Starr.

Yeah.

You have a very pivotal

few moments in this movie, let me just say.

Yeah, people don't know what you mean.

I have a baby.

I have a baby in the movie.

I'm pregnant.

You do.

That's the other thing.

Yeah.

Well, that's the midway part that we talked about before.

But yeah,

it's a thrilling movie.

People can cuddle up with a loved one or someone they barely know and watch this on Hulu starting this Wednesday.

This is exciting.

The other title they were going to go with is Watch Out, Colon.

His Water Just Broke.

But we didn't, they decided to just go with the other one.

And it was not the symbol, the colon.

It was Watch Out, Comma Colon, meaning you're colon.

Yes, correct.

Watch out, colon.

His water just broke.

Spelled out.

Watch out, colon.

His water just broke.

What do you think of that guy, Colin Powell?

You know what?

He calls himself colon.

He has plausible deniability to call himself Colin.

Wasn't he a general?

And yet he goes around saying, like, no, my name's Colin, like, correcting people.

Like, I'm the thing that shit passes through.

Yeah.

Like, just call yourself Colin, you fucking weirdo.

No, Lee's deserves colon.

He does.

He does.

Right.

But you know who else deserves colon?

It's Martin Starr.

He is.

It would be very funny if people just started referring to anal sex.

Sorry if I'm going deep here as colon.

I'm going to give you some colon tonight, sweetie.

The Hand That Rocks a Cradle out this Wednesday, Tulsa King out.

What day do these come out every episode?

Do you know?

They come out on a weekly basis, just like television shows have always come out since God intended.

Thursdays, Tuesdays, what

do we know?

Yeah.

Yeah, just one of those days.

Here's what I would do.

I would turn on Paramount Plus, just leave it on, and hope it pops up.

Yeah, that's good.

That's good advice.

And so you're on several streaming services, Paramount Plus, Hulu.

What's the next streaming service that Martin Star is going to be?

God, to conquer them all.

That is the dream.

You're also on Max, Silicon Valley

repeats.

I wonder if Freaks and Geeks is on Peacock.

I wonder.

It should be.

That's a great show, by the way.

If people have not seen Freaks and Geeks, there's one season of it.

22?

Is that how many you made?

Yeah, 18, 18.

18.

18 hours of your life, but it's really 45 minutes because it was network TV.

18 hours, but it feels like four weeks.

That's right.

So it's more like 14 hours if you take out commercials.

So it's like you can do that in a day.

There's not a better time to be spent in front of your television than watching Freaks and Geeks.

Such a great show.

Our good friend Paul Feig made that show.

Yep.

Judd, Seth, Jason,

all the greats.

All the first names of the greats.

And everyone still is tied.

What about a reunion where you guys are like, what?

I don't know.

How much?

How many years have passed?

Let me text him.

I'm going to text him and we're going to make this happen for you.

It was

set in the 80s and then

1980.

Set in 1980.

How many years have passed since it was on 25 or so?

Yeah, exactly 25.

25 years.

So it would be 2005 if you were to do a reunion show right now.

Yeah, if we were...

Post-9-11.

Oh, shit.

Bro, we're getting deep.

What do you think the characters are?

What's your character up to?

God,

you know, probably making candy.

Probably.

Is it the most autobiographical role you ever had?

Obviously.

That's why I make candy now.

That's right.

Although you'd be making 2005 candy, which is kind of what I did.

That's right.

This is

real red.

Let's talk about anything, and let's not talk about the hand that rocks the cradle and all the hoops you have to go through in order to watch an early screener of it, which I don't think anyone has to other than me.

Let's talk about if you love watermarks, I've got the movie for you.

Sweetstash.com is the website.

Just make it your homepage.

How much, what's the cap on how much people are gonna order this like do you cap it at like i think one dollar and per customer i think we sell them in five in groups of five online i mean we're the intention is to be in every like liquor store and stuff

hopefully in the next six months but incredible we're spreading are you gonna make new candy new types of candy yeah i think the next one will be a sour candy a sour candy i know that's where your thoughts went immediately

you like a sour i like a sour uh i also

people talk about it you like a sour people do talk about how i like a sour.

What about making a Reese's peanut butter cup?

So here's the thing.

That's kind of trademarked and would be really frowned upon.

Frowned upon, but it's better to ask for forgiveness than permission.

We would get sued like pretty bad.

We don't have that kind of legal team.

Oh, really?

What kind of legal team do you have?

None.

None?

That's not true.

We have a lawyer in our midst.

Okay, I'd love to represent you pro bono.

I'm going to say no.

Shit.

I mean, I'll ask.

I'm asking for some pro bono.

I'll ask the guys I'm working with, but I'm just going to

say no.

Then I have to say yes.

I've got no choice.

Well, Sweet Stash Jams is the candy.

You can order five bags at a time.

That's right.

You could do, you could order five bags, 10 bags, 15 bags, 20 bags, 25 bags, 20, 30, 35, 40, 45, 50, 55, 60, 65, 70, 75, 80, 85, 90, 95, 100.

Yeah.

And that's where you would say, guys, nope.

You can keep going.

You can keep going, really.

Yeah.

Have you ever done one of those things where people bid on stuff?

You're going to have to be more specific.

So, like, imagine a world where people gather and they have these little plastic placards that look so stupid.

And they're kind of like those things that you go to the optometrist and they cover one eye.

And then it's got a little number on it.

This little plastic thing.

It's like 294.

Gotcha.

And that's your number.

Okay.

And then there's a dude up at a podium, and he's like, check out this jacket from the 1400s.

It has emeralds on it.

And then he goes, in the market for an emerald jacket.

Yeah.

I knew it.

That's, I can

feel your energy.

And then he's like, okay, how much?

We'll start our bidding off at five packets of candy.

And then you, you know, you're going to be a bad thing.

Oh, wait,

this is an auction.

That's what you're talking about.

Nope.

No.

Oh, okay.

This is just a get-together?

Yeah, just friends.

Emerald jacket get-together?

Just friends hanging out.

I think auctions would be better if they just told you how much the thing cost, and then whoever had the money just paid for it.

Yeah, those fucking.

Yeah.

Anyway, the hand that rocks the cradle is out this Wednesday on Hulu.

Martin Starr is our guest.

We need to take a break.

Can you stick around?

Mm-hmm.

An enthusiastic, mm-hmm.

Oh, Oh, yeah.

You're a member of the A-Timers Club now.

I need your support.

Where's my jacket?

That's right.

Well, this emerald jacket that I've been hearing about.

I'm hoping that I can get this for you.

I'm on board.

Okay.

We're going to take a break.

We have a returning guest.

We also have a physician coming up on the show.

We'll be right back with more comedy bang bang after this.

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Comedy Bang Bang, we're back.

Martin Starr, the hand that rocks the cradle.

I'm not saying Martin Starr is the hand that rocks the cradle.

Like if you were a giant hand, like you're not hamburger helper.

That's true.

Would you like to be a hamburger helper being?

That is a

famous hand.

I wouldn't have thought about it.

There's like thing.

Is that right?

It.

It.

Cousin It.

Cousin It.

Wait, no, isn't Cousin It the hairy one?

And then Thing is the hair one.

Yeah, Thing is the Thing's hand.

I get confused because of the Fantastic Four Thing, who

doesn't have hair famously.

And he's hard as a rock.

That's right.

Fucking notoriously

hard as a rock.

And that was his catchphrase before his clobbering time is, I'm as hard as a rock.

And people were like, all right, dude.

All the women got a little weirded out.

Yeah, because of his very minor bulge.

That's right.

But

if you had the opportunity, if a genie were to come down and say, I'll grant you one wish, but it has to be hamburger helper related,

what would you wish for?

Fuck.

That's a good question.

Thanks, man.

Fucking yeah.

Yeah.

How long have I been doing this show?

16 years.

That's it.

That's the kind of questions that you have.

But you have the wisdom of a man who's been doing it 17.

I'm an old soul in that way, are I not?

Yeah.

By the way, WTF, just last

episode, last week.

It's not going anymore.

So you can't get on that anymore.

If that's what you were hoping, using a springboard?

This was my springboard.

I actually, something came up.

I got to go.

Not related to what you just said.

I'm expecting a big influx of guests now that that show's not around.

Really?

Yeah.

Oh, yeah.

Because, like, I got to be honest.

You're a movie star.

I haven't had a lot of movie stars on this show recently.

Adam Pally last week, who considers himself to be a movie star.

He's a guy who's been in movies.

Yeah.

You've had Kumail Nanjianium.

That's right.

Yeah.

He's one of the stars of Eternals.

Yeah.

I really love that movie.

Yeah.

As well as what's the Uber?

Stuber.

Yep.

Those are the two movies he's done.

And then also the one

with Issare, where he broke into someone's house.

Then there's the third movie that he did.

Yep.

But that's it.

He's a fucking movie star, though.

But we had so many movie stars on this show for a while.

And then...

He's also a Broadway star now.

That's right.

Yeah.

Oh, Mary.

And then suddenly

WTF comes along and they steal all the movie stars away.

So I've been forced to have on like TV stars and fucking novelists sometimes.

I'm so sorry.

You don't deserve that.

Comedians with specials.

Oh, God.

So

I'm so glad that he's not doing that show anymore because I just imagine the movie stars are going to come in.

And who was the host of it?

Zach Braff?

I think so.

Wasn't he?

God, he was great, wasn't he?

He was great.

How does he find the time between his commercials?

Yeah.

And just being a doctor.

Yep, that's right.

A lot of people didn't know Scrubs was a documentary.

Yep.

About his life.

And God, they were goofy.

They were just some goofy guys.

He was just a goofy guy.

And the camera followed him around expecting to do a documentary on the horrors of working in a hospital.

And then they were like, this guy's so goofy.

Let's just turn it into a a show.

They were like Robin Williams in that movie,

Happy, or whatever it's called.

Happy Doctor Man.

Happy Doctor Man.

That's right.

Yeah.

You remember that movie?

He was the happy doctor.

That's, you know, you should come on.

Scott hasn't seen because I haven't seen that movie.

You want to do Patch Adams with me?

Yeah, let's do it.

Let's do Patch Adams.

All right, we're going to set this up.

I'm holding you to this.

Happy Doctor Man.

I have a verbal commitment from you, much like when you're on a plane and you're sitting in an exit room.

All right, we need to get to our next guest.

I mentioned a returning guest is on the show.

They have been on before.

Let's welcome them back.

They are a seagull.

Please welcome Louis Pantano.

Thank you so much for having me back, Scott.

I'm back, Scott.

You're back.

Yes.

How is it going, Louie?

This is Martin Starr.

Hi, Martin.

Hey, nice to meet you.

Louie.

Yes.

Yeah, so good to see you.

You're a seagull for those of you who, well, we don't film the show.

So for those of you listening, Louis is a seagull.

Yeah, just DM me on Instagram.

I'll send you a photo.

Yeah, thanks.

Yeah.

You get a lot of those DMs.

You respond to all of them, right?

I send photos of seagulls always.

So this will finally be the appropriate

response.

You're just standing on the table next to the mic.

Right, sort of just eye in this candy.

But first, I want to thank you for letting me crash with you for as long as I've been with you.

Yeah, it's no problem.

I mean, been sleeping in your car, in your backyard.

You really helped me get back on my feet.

Yeah.

Is that your nest in the corner?

Yeah.

Do you want a little tour?

Honestly, yeah, that'd be cool.

I've never toured a nest before.

These are my rocks.

These are my sticks.

This is my porn.

This is my French fries.

Back up back there.

Hold on a second.

Your porn?

Yeah, I like to hold it in my hands.

I'm old-fashioned in that way.

I think everyone holds it in their hands when they're looking at porn.

Yeah.

Not when it's on a computer.

Oh, never mind.

I noticed there's a lot of colon porn.

Yeah.

I mean, we all have our preferences.

By the way, you said that.

You're not going to.

You said that as a symbol, by the way.

There's a lot of colon.

Yeah.

Porn.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Sorry.

Yeah.

You're not going to shamace eagle who likes anal sex, are you, Martin?

Whoa.

We call it colon around here.

Oh, that's right.

We call it just deserving colon.

Scott's such a good guy.

He's helping me get back on my feet.

I've been.

You're webbed

feet.

Yeah.

Sorry, I don't mean to point out the differences between our feet.

Yeah, I guess our feet are different.

I didn't even notice until you said that.

Well, thanks, Nicholas.

you've been looking at the eyes, but of course, you know, I'm an eye-man.

I'm not sure where the eyes follow.

Yeah, you like my beady eyes?

They're very cool.

Right now, you're just looking at the candy.

Yeah, it's just interesting, you know, because it smells a certain way and it looks a certain way.

So, you want some of the candy?

No, no, no, no.

No.

I'm watching what I eat.

I'm on Dancing with the Stars right now.

Really?

Yes.

What do you mean by that?

Are you competing?

Yeah, I would say that in a way.

You know, I'm just.

You would say that.

Would the public at large say something like that?

Well, I watched that show weekly and I i don't remember andy richter is on it this right this week or this this this season

yeah i guess i was saying he's beloved by the audience you don't remember a seagull swooping down and sort of biting at their hair while they're trying to do oh yeah that's you yeah that's me yeah that was a

okay

piece of television history where a seagull attacked Andy Richter and tried to bite his hair.

Andy Richter was doing a dance

and I just sort of swooped down.

He was doing the Ratatouille dance last week on Dancing with the Stars, and I sort of swooped down and started pecking at his eyes.

But you know, I've been doing that to other people on the show too.

Robert Irwin, Steve Irwin's son, is the contestant this year.

Oh, yeah, poor guy.

What is he famous for?

Just being a son?

Yeah, I think he's also sort of continuing his father's work and like caring about the environment and animals.

Just being happy around animals.

Sorry, maybe I'm a little sensitive because he cares about us animals.

Robert Irwin is actually one of the only people who've been nice.

So you attacked his eyes?

Well, I wanted to dance with his partner.

I wanted to dance and get some votes.

Oh, you don't even like him that much.

You wanted his partner.

Well, I just, I know that being on Dancing with the Stars can sort of revamp your career.

And Martin, you get that.

This business is hard to be in.

We get it.

Sure.

Not everyone has

a television show and a movie all in the same business.

And a candy business at the same time.

Yeah, I got a backup plan.

And Martin, it's nice that we're finally meeting face to face.

No hard feelings.

You've sort of been icing me out of the business, even taking my roles for quite some time.

Wait, you auditioned for some of Martin's?

I'm so sorry.

I honestly had no idea.

You don't remember me being in the audition room with you?

Which part of it?

I did get attacked by a seagull in an audition.

That was me.

You remember?

No, shit.

That was me.

Oh, that was fucked up.

Yeah, that was for Knocked Up, I think.

I had to do that audition with a bloody nose.

But you got the part, so.

Huh?

I think they just felt bad for me.

You helped me.

I wouldn't have gotten that job if it weren't for you.

How much of your jobs did people feel bad for you and just gave you the part?

If I'm being totally honest, I think all of them.

100%.

Yeah, every single one.

It's pretty brutal.

Judd looked me in the eye one time and said, everything you can do, Martin can do better.

Oh.

And that was sobering.

And a lie.

Because

you can't fly, right, Martin?

I mean, I'm not sure.

Absolutely correct.

I've never done it around me.

I've never dive-bombed an actor in an audition and given them a bloody nose.

You clearly are better than me at that.

Yeah, but what am I doing wrong here, you know?

That's right.

You want to be...

Did we talk about this last time?

You want to be an actor?

I am an actor.

I just don't have work right now.

That's the attitude.

I mean, that is the attitude.

Yeah.

I am an actor.

That's the attitude.

And have you ever been paid for acting?

Well, Scott, I feel like you always do this thing and you split hairs about what I'm talking about.

I don't mean to be pedantic about this.

Wouldn't it be splitting feathers?

See, Robert Irwin wouldn't be making jokes like this because he cares.

He thinks that we matter.

You know what I'm saying?

Shut up, Joe.

That was funny, dude.

That was fucking funny.

This is what I'm saying, though.

Every time I walk into a room, I can hear Martin kill it in an audition.

He's so funny.

He's so funny.

And then I go in and it's just crickets.

Well, I mean, you've been on the show once before.

By the way, the crickets are crickets.

Is that a good thing?

Yeah, sometimes I eat the crickets.

So crickets are a good thing.

So you get a good response?

No, I'm saying crickets because it's quiet.

And so crickets then start to sing.

They're cricketing quiet?

They're quiet when they're quiet when people are laughing.

Crickets are fucking loud.

Oh my god, Scott.

All right, I'm going to pack all my rocks and sticks and porn into my little bindle.

Please don't go.

No, here I go.

Who cares?

Doesn't matter.

Louie's been living here for the past year.

I'll go back to.

No, but don't leave.

We don't.

No, no, no, no, no, no.

Shut the fuck up.

Oh.

You're funny, but shut the fuck up.

Okay, sorry.

No, no, I get it.

I'm going to just do one more week of dancing with the stars, and then I'm going to get on a bus and I'm going to go back home.

I'm sorry, Louie.

No, I'm not.

I know that's usually followed by something like, I didn't mean it, please stay, but I don't mean either of those things.

I just wanted to say.

I'm ready for your apology, and I'm ready for you to beg me to say.

No, I'm not going to.

I hate to get into semantics here, but I don't think crickets sing.

Oh, my God.

What?

They rub their tiny legs together.

That's right.

It's more of a violin.

They're kind of playing an instrument which is their body.

Why do they do it?

That's a weird thing.

Well, singing is playing an instrument that's your body.

I could get on board with that, I guess.

Yeah.

When was the last time you ate a cricket, smartass?

Yeah,

you know what?

Okay, everyone's

feeling like I'm a smart ass instrument in high school again.

Yeah, who's putting me in a locker?

You guys are being real bullies right now.

Fucking.

Maybe we could play bullies on the Freaks and Geeks reboots.

Well, I auditioned for that, and they said I was too freaky and too geeky.

Oh, no.

Meaning it's happening already?

Yeah.

Well, do you not know about this?

Honestly, that's a talent to be in

both camps.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Because they were like, you look a lot like James Franco.

Oh, but then also you're a geek.

If James Franco were a bird.

Yeah, if he was a seagull.

Yeah.

You have a very symmetrical seagull face.

Thank you.

I think I'm handsome for a seagull.

Also, you're missing one of your appendages, much like him in that 127 hours.

Which one?

It appears to be, I'm not getting a great look at you, but it looks like you're kind of walking on one leg.

Oh my God.

What happened?

Oh my God, Scott, what something happened?

Wing?

Is that what it's missing?

I've been clipped.

Oh, no.

Oh, my God, Scott.

Just like Lauren Lapkis?

Yes.

She was in a show called Clip.

Yes.

Can I be on Freedom now, Scott?

No.

I swoop in and I try to be on that show every time you record it.

Yeah, no, I'm sorry.

We're not taking any newcomers on.

Newcomers, just like Lauren Lapkis?

Oh, my God.

Stop talking about her so much.

Nice.

I miss Lauren.

Oh, God.

Where is she?

I actually came for her.

Yeah, sorry.

She's on my other show, which is on Thursday.

This is the Monday show.

She's got charm.

This is the other show.

Pack all my stuff.

Take everything with me.

Yeah.

I've put it in my business.

No, no, don't go.

Don't, don't, please.

Where did I go?

It's about that time to fly south for the winter anyway, right?

I live in Los Angeles.

Yeah, but I mean, it's kind of the weather's not that great today.

It's getting a little crisp here, you know.

Why don't you fly down to South America or some shit?

Yeah, wouldn't you say you used to live in Los Angeles?

Because you're kind of moving out, right?

Right.

Just like Billy Joel.

You could go anywhere.

I wish Lauren Lafkis did something called moving out.

No, I get it.

And you guys, you think I'm not talented enough to make it in the business?

No, you're too freaky and geeky.

Yeah.

You're too much of a good thing.

Yeah.

Which is, coincidentally, a bad thing.

If only they would let me do a full dance on Dancing with the Stars and I could be in the heart of the world.

Can you show us your dance?

Have you choreographed anything?

I just, I've.

Do you wear shoes ever?

Like when you're dancing?

Could you tap dance?

I could try.

Try to tap dance right now.

Yeah.

Here's some bottle caps you can put.

This

on the bottom of your feet.

Just try to try to tap dance for you.

Those don't look comfortable.

Here we go.

If you're blue, where do you go?

Where'd you go to?

Run out you go where fashion sits.

Putting on the writs.

I mean, do, do, do, did it.

We should that Louis wasn't singing.

David, have it at that.

Because that's not part.

Forgive me, but dancing with the stars.

My ankle.

Oh.

Oh, Scott.

That's my favorite lyric.

Oh, no.

It's not dancing and singing with the stars.

It's just dancing.

What happened to your ankle, Dean?

Oh, it looks bad.

Oh,

the bottle cap.

Is your blood blue?

Yeah.

Just like weird.

Tom Selleck?

Exactly.

Oh, God.

Oh, my God.

We taped tonight.

We taped tonight.

In Burbank, probably.

That's probably where they film it.

Oh, my God.

Probably at Disney, right?

Oh, gas at Disney.

Oh, my God.

I actually don't know.

Do you know where they take Dancing with the Stars?

Yeah.

What are you going on?

In my backyard.

Oh, they do, really?

Yeah, yeah.

Martin, have they ever asked you to be on that show?

Have you ever gotten a call?

Well, yeah, because I live so close.

Yeah.

So they

just like.

The producers are always walking through the house, use a bathroom or whatever.

Yeah, yeah.

They're like, you should.

And then they stop there.

I assume they're going to say, come on the show.

And

the musicians, those are yours, right?

Those are my musicians.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Gorgeous backyard.

Thank you.

Lily, what's.

Who am I kidding?

Dancing with the Stars is about Dancing with the Stars is about having a comeback.

And I've never even arrived in the first place.

That's the thing is you got to be famous enough to, you know, I mean, look, I've never been asked to be on Dancing with the Stars.

I had a TV show for five years.

No one watched it.

That's the problem.

I can't come back from being a nobody.

Yeah.

You do have like a Lisa Kudreu vibe.

Like, you should have a comeback, but you do need to come.

I auditioned for that show.

You need to come the first time.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I got to come the first time.

You know what?

I, like everyone else, I got off the bus in Los Angeles and I thought I was going to make it.

Why did you take a bus here?

Because

with a seagull, they don't let you on an airplane.

Were you on the top of the bus?

Is that what it's saying?

Yes.

No seagulls on an airplane.

Like everybody going into show business.

I slept with Carol Channing, like everyone else did.

I paid my dues.

Hold on, hold on.

What?

Quiet.

Did you know that bird that ran into our good friend Sully's Holenberger's plane?

Oh, all those seagulls?

Yeah.

Yeah, yeah.

Did you know them?

Yeah, I went to high school at that.

Oh, my God.

Yeah, and they made something of them.

They're famous.

Yeah, do you know that Sully fucking paid them to do that?

What?

Yeah.

Oh, my God.

It's a big confusion.

It was a setup?

It was a setup.

Sully was like, hey, fellas,

why don't you?

Did they know what was going to happen once they flew it?

No.

What did they think they were going to do with the money?

I guess guess in their seagull wills.

Well, they all had gambling problems.

Oh, they paid off their debts.

Yeah, it's common within the seagull connection.

Got it.

Got it.

Are you the same?

Sorry to derail this.

Yeah, please.

But are you the same seagull that hit,

you know, in the face on the roller coaster?

I can't believe it's no bother.

Who was that?

That was me.

Yeah, that was me.

Fabio, is that who you're talking about?

I just quoted his most famous moment in pop culture.

See, I've been working, you know?

Like I've been working.

Are you the one who shit on Cindy Lauper?

Yes.

Damn, that's that was fucked up.

But

hitting Fabio was, I give you kudos because I think that took balls.

That took real.

Yeah, that hurt me too.

Because I heard it was your balls that actually broke his nose when they hit.

Yeah, thank you.

And I get no credit for that.

It's not even on my IMDb.

So it took all of Cindy's not on my IMDb.

I have an IMDb Plus account now because

they heard us talking about it on Freedom so much and gave us free list.

So

I'll try to add that

to your IMD.

It's Louis Pantano.

Pantano, yes.

Pantano, are you the wait, there's four Louis Pantano?

Oh my god, I don't even have my name

sag.

Oh my god.

Oh, you're a crew member too?

What are you?

These are all grips.

It looks like.

Oh.

Yeah.

Every time I've been on any set, I've been fired.

I'm just a loser.

I'm just a loser that hires task rabbits to come to your house so I can hang out with someone and talk to someone.

By the way, they're not actual rabbits.

I keep telling you that.

One day I think, I'm like, oh, funny, funny.

You're looking for a friend.

Yeah.

I don't know.

I'm looking for some.

Looking for something.

I'm sorry, Louie, but I don't think it's working out between us.

No, Scott, please.

Just like two, three more years and then

I'll fly away.

I don't have that kind of time with you.

You barely notice that I'm here.

I sleep in your car.

That's the thing.

I don't like you sleeping in my car because

it has a certain birdie smell.

Why do you leave the window down every night?

Well, you know, I gotta air it out from the previous night of the smell.

Yeah.

Oh, yeah, that actually makes sense.

I see how it is.

I'll go stay with Martin for a little while.

Okay.

And then I'll fold back in.

That sounds good.

I do have a big backyard, and you're kind of already hanging out in my backyard often.

Yeah, just go into the main tape from the dancing with the stars backyard.

Yeah.

I just, yeah, I just want to be where the people are, you know.

I just want to be in this, you know?

You want to be where the people are.

I want to see, you want to see him dancing with the stars, Scott.

Come on, please.

Martin, you have such staying power in this business.

You've been doing this 25 years.

You've been on this grind for 25 years.

You have a new movie out on you.

Weirdly accurate.

Yeah, I'm old.

I'm ready to.

And you work with Timmy.

You're ready to retire?

Yeah.

Please don't say that.

We love you.

You'll never make it to the 10 Timers Club.

On this.

Whoa.

There's a 10 Timers Club?

Hell yeah.

All right.

I'll stick it out.

I'll stick it out.

Adam Scott is in like the 25 Timers Club.

Who?

I just want, I just, yeah, I just want a little bit of what you have.

You want to taste?

You want to wet your beak?

Yeah.

Literally.

It's not, and you're not even just doing art.

You're working with the same people over and over again that love you.

You got a nice beak on you.

You got a nice beak.

But you have a nice body.

Thank you.

Oh, is that weird to say that?

It's a ton of, I got to, like, I have, I had like $600,000 worth of plastic surgery.

Basically, none of this is really good.

Wait, is that where my $600,000 went?

Yeah.

I was going to say your beak looks really plump.

yeah it's a it's filler i got my i got my account statement back this month i noticed a little discrepancy of six hundred thousand dollars come on some of that's you too scott you've gotten some work done i mean

by the way your beak looks really good too thank you so much i got i got one added really plump yeah That's what you want in a beak.

I got a facelift.

I got a beak plumping.

I got my ass done.

I got a facelift and then a face lowered because I didn't like the way they lifted it.

Yeah, it's like up, down.

You sort of like say what up.

Up down, up down, up, down, up down.

They're like, what is this?

An elevator?

Oh, God.

Yeah.

I'm just a seagull with a colon porn addiction.

Yeah.

Who lives with his best friend, Scott?

That's accurate up to, you know, the last couple of words.

Wait, did you change your name?

Martin?

You are on my last nerve.

Next time I come back, I'll land on one side of the fence or the other.

I'm going to try one more time, swooping down and dancing with the stars, trying to get some votes.

Try one more time.

If you don't get any votes, just stay there, okay?

Bring your nest, bring your bags, everything over there.

And then, if you, you know,

and then never come back on the show.

All right, I'm going to try to do a foxtrot on tonight's show.

And when it goes well, though, Scott, and I become a billionaire and I'm in the hearts of America, you'll be sorry and you'll be begging me to move back in here.

Probably, but I am willing to take that chance.

Can a bird do a foxtrot?

Oh, my God.

On the next comedy bang bang.

Well, we do, you know, you joke, but we do have to take a break right now.

Louis, I wish you the best of luck.

By the way, your t-shirt is still in the stores, I believe.

Yeah, I think so.

What was it again?

Neck up.

No, what was it?

Ass up, neck back.

That's the way I like to snack.

Something like that.

Something like that.

Put it in my colon.

You can still get those shirts at

wherever you get or comedy bang bang t-shirts.

I don't even remember the address, but we do have to take a break.

When we come back, we have a physician on the show.

This is very exciting.

Oh, you can look at my age.

I need one, actually.

So this will be a good one.

You're in the market.

Yeah.

Okay.

This is a great audition.

All right.

We're going to come right back.

We're going to have more Martin Starr, more Louis Pantano, number four on IMDb.

We'll be right back with more Comedy Bang Bang after this.

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Comedy Bang Bang, we're back.

Martin Starr is here, the Tulsa jester himself.

You play a

person with a

very particular set of skills in this television show, if I'm not mistaken.

You make it sound like Ocean's 11.

And I'll take that.

You're not a contortionist who hides in small spaces.

Am I not?

But you do run a dispensary.

Is that right?

Are you still doing that in season three?

Yeah.

Yeah.

You into weed?

Not especially, but I wouldn't mind some if you brought some.

Did you bring some weed as well as this candy?

Is it kicking in you?

Holy shit.

Did you drug all of us?

I don't know, dude, but that bird is high as hell in the corner.

Do you like my new beard?

You're levitating about three feet off the ground.

But your wings are clipped, so that's a real conundrum.

Yeah.

This kid is something else.

Louis Pentano, of course, we're talking to a seagull

who is here attempting to be on this week's Dancing with the Stars.

You can watch tonight and tomorrow night with our good friend Andy Richter, who I believe he must be in the 10 or 12 Timers Club, I would imagine.

Oh, wow.

Not that it's a competition, Martin.

Just saying.

Fuck you, Scott.

If you had been on in the last seven years, you would have eclipsed him and Adam Scott probably combined.

But, you know.

You didn't invite me.

Well, how am I ever supposed to invite you?

You never give me your email address.

Scott, you could have my email address.

It's on every screener we send you, okay?

No, no, that's when you're watching your own screeners, that's your email address.

When I watch my own screeners, it's my email address.

Oh, I keep sending you screeners and wondering why you don't email me.

All right, we need to get to our next guest.

He is a physician.

First time on the show, he's joining the exclusive One Timers Club.

Please welcome Reginald Barberie.

Hello, gentlemen and bird.

Hello.

Hello, bird.

I love that you've got a bird in here.

Yes,

you know, it used to be Humanities podcast, then it was Humanity and the Animal Kingdom.

It's podcast.

It's beautiful.

You know, I love to go into a space that's just

pristine, but then there's a bit of filth, right?

Yes.

I just love a bit of filth in the corner.

Just a bit of filth.

Is he talking about me?

Wow.

Yes.

You're a filthy little animal, aren't you?

Wow, it's beautiful.

Wow.

You did just take a shit.

Oh, yes.

Oh, wow.

I'll take that as a sample for later.

Just want to check on you.

What does that mean?

A sample for later?

Yes, you know.

You know, I want to make sure that this bird,

outwardly filthy, is internally okay.

Usually it's a urine sample.

I mean, I've given

it.

Come to think of it, I have given a shit.

I have a sample.

Yes, exactly, of course.

You put raw shit in your pocket.

Of course.

Of course.

Do I have some sort of a bag or something?

No.

At least.

I have all sorts of of bags.

The bags of my body.

You know, my hands, my mouth, my

chest, there's bags everywhere.

Wait, did you just put that shit in your mouth?

Yes, it's nature's bag.

Nature's pocket.

Oh my god, this is really working for me.

Yes, it's nature's bag.

Why would you need any other utensils, okay?

Yes.

And also, I just want to let everyone know.

I do.

I know that I'm not dressed like a typical 20-25 physician.

You know, I'm in a tunic and I've got some implements that you may not be familiar with.

We know that, but it's good that you tell the listeners.

I know it's an audio medium.

It's as if, it's as if.

What did you say?

Audio medium.

Audio medium.

It's an audio medium.

Yes, of course.

Okay.

Yes.

And so I just wanted to get that out of the way.

You know, my methods may be a little unorthodox.

What are your methods?

Well, of course, putting shit in my mouth like from a bird.

Honestly, I haven't been to a physician in so long.

I don't know.

know what's orthodox anymore.

And I'm so glad that I'm here for you, Martin.

Yeah, do you want to give Martin a check-up or anything?

I would absolutely.

If you would consent to a check-up, maybe you should check up on Louie because this is the first time I've ever seen a bird with an erection before.

Oh, wow.

I won't be in the last.

You're curly little finger.

Well, yeah, so I would love.

If anyone needs a checkup, I'd be glad to.

Wait, can you describe what you do before we consent to a checkup?

Of course.

I am Reginald Barberry of Reginald Barbery's Medieval Medicine Factory.

We share.

Did I really ask any of that?

I just said, what do you do?

I just want everyone else out there to know if

they are in need.

You can Google it.

Save it for the plugs.

Yes.

Of course.

My apologies.

My apologies.

I just couldn't.

Get to your thing, dear.

I'm just

a doctor who's looking to make sure that people are healthy.

You know, I know we're in a moment of

doctor.

Yes.

Trying to make people healthy.

But I believe that things have gotten a bit too complicated in the health space with research and development.

We've got all these doctors.

diversity.

Are indeed?

Yes.

Yes, you know it.

Uh-oh, Scott, he's an anti-vaxxer.

No, no, no, no, no.

I am not an anti-vaxxer.

I'm just a.

I believe that the vaccines that we've got

are a bit too complicated.

I don't know how far we want to go.

Yeah, I had to pull this thread.

I know that your eyes lit up because of pulling the threads to make nests.

Exactly.

But

what do you believe?

What are we going to do?

It's too complicated.

Tuck your feathers around your erection because it's really distracting.

You don't like like that it looks like a corkscrew it's do you know that that's true i just want

i can see it's true

i googled do birds have penises earlier and was surprised to see that and i just want you to know louis i've seen everything i'm not made uncomfortable by your corkscrew erection at all

are my humors in balance uh well if you'd like me to check i would love to if you'd if you would submit to a physical examination what exactly do you think is so complicated are you getting out a wine bottle

yes of course you know you drink a sip sip, I drink a sip, we get a little loose.

Are you going to use her dick for the

uncork the wine bottle?

Holy shit.

Well, it's got many uses.

You know, we know a cloaca, which is what a bird's penis,

actual sexual organ is referred to.

It's used for many things.

Are you a veterinarian?

I'm trying to.

What is your thing?

You know, I'm an every.

I care about health, Scott.

I can help anyone.

I can help a person.

C-block, get to your thing.

I just want to make sure you're all healthy.

You know, that's all it is.

You are so close.

You said that you think things are getting too complicated these days.

And that now you're back to you want to make

healthy.

That's my whole thing.

What is so complicated?

It's just there's been so many different tools invented.

MRIs, CAT scans, these are the things.

There are plenty of other ways that you can decide whether

you can do, of course, the classic butthuffing.

What?

Which is, of course,

where you take the gases released by a person, whether it's for mouth or any other orphan.

Okay, my erection is singing right now.

Keep going.

You ingest those gases, you sort of feel them inside of you, you make a diagnosis, and then you treat from there.

That's what I'm trying to say.

I guess I haven't heard of this.

I mean, none of this pertains to our bird friend here.

Not exactly.

It pertains to everyone.

No, no, I get it.

Bloodletting or leeches.

Like these old.

Yeah, but you can't release gas.

Oh, this is true.

You would explode.

I've always heard if

you give a bird rice.

Artobismal.

Or any sort of thing that would create a

alka-celtzar tablet.

Oh, that's right.

I think a kid did that at my middle school when I was younger.

Sick.

Yeah, it was pretty sick.

Yeah, it is.

That's the way I say it.

It's troubling.

It's troubling.

Gang.

Just had a bunch of Mentos and Coca-Cola.

Was that the wrong name?

Oh,

this could be moving out sooner than I thought.

You may explode here, moment.

Do you want to do an operation, by the way, though?

If anyone would like to, I would absolutely.

No, I mean,

do it to me.

I would love to do this.

All right, Scott Martin, I need you to look away or look directly at me.

Either one.

Okay.

I can agree to those terms.

Okay, so of course what we first do,

I rub your, I guess, throat to relax you.

I think that's how birds relax.

So I would rub your throat and I'd place my mouth, aka nature's bag, over your mouth, and then I would inhale as you exhale, okay?

On three, one, two, three.

Yes, okay, of course, of course.

And so I allow this gas to sort of exist inside.

This is the huffing that you were talking about?

This is, yes, yes.

Normally,

it can be either bottle or it can be mouth.

It can be burp or fart, as you would call it.

Louis, have you ever tasted your own shit before?

Was that your first?

Don't ask questions you don't want the answer to.

It seems, well, it seems

that you do have a bit of a stomach issue.

He's amazing.

He's a genius.

I mean, we said wow.

Oh, my God.

Oh, we were saying, do you want to operate on him?

I love science.

Diabetes is amazing.

Well, you know, you know, I'm more of a diagnostic doctor.

Oh, okay.

You

pass that on to the

you just diagnose?

Yes, people come to me.

I do a procedure, I diagnose them, and then I sort of pass them off to many of my other colleagues who do different sort of surgeries.

Do you want to diagnose either of us?

I would love to.

Martin, would you like, would you like to be a participant in some sure, yeah.

Okay, would you prefer mouth or would you prefer butt?

Oh, is this the only thing you do?

It's quite

a large portion of my business.

Yes, yes, yes.

What percentage would you say?

I would say it's about 90% this and then 10% clerical work.

You know, it's 90% diagnosing through.

Diagnosing exclusively just in the huffing someone's yes, and I use

pulsions.

Yes, of course, I've used the tools that were given to me in the best possible way.

Right.

Esophagus or golem.

Either one.

Yeah.

Which would you prefer?

Oh, I'm.

Those are the only.

I suppose you could spit into my hands.

Oh, yeah, yeah.

Okay, of course.

And he's my hands, also known as nature's bowl.

Oh, yeah.

Boy, I really filled up your hands.

I'm sorry about that.

No, this is quite a specific

sort of shake around.

Yep.

I sort of inhaled just the fumes.

Oh, that's drinking, is what we actually drank.

Generally, yeah.

That's what you would consider drinking.

Oh, my God.

Yeah.

That was, there's none left.

You even, your hands are dry.

I don't know how.

No,

You would think there'd be some saliva from you left on your hands

Okay martin um yes I sense what do I have doc give it to me straight.

You know, I would say um you potentially have also some sort of stomach issue

Oh my god

he's a genius.

It's maybe in the realm of a sort of IBS some something like that.

Yes, of course.

And I'm sorry.

I'm shitting right now.

That's why I didn't want you to do the colon.

Does IBS make you shit more too?

I'm wearing a diaper.

Just to be clear.

Yeah.

So you don't worry about your chairs.

Oh, thank you.

I appreciate that.

Yes.

Yes.

So, yes, you do seem to have some sort of stomach issue.

I also may be getting a sense of sort of

frequent headache, maybe.

Oh, yeah.

Or maybe.

I feel one coming on right now.

Oh,

you and the listeners, I believe.

But yes,

I'd be happy to sort of hand you off to one of my colleagues if you'd like.

If that makes sense for you, if you've got the time or anything like that, I would love to see it.

Yeah, basically,

how much of the time do you diagnose that someone has a stomach issue?

Are your colleagues like

as

what do they use modern practices?

No, no, of course not.

We're sort of part of a, I guess in the modern day, you'd call it an HMO or some sort of media.

Are you a time traveler of some sort?

Oh, I've lived for hundreds of years.

Yes, I've

and that's why I would say you should trust my abilities because I have kept myself healthy for how many of your patients

have lived that long?

You know, I don't do many follow-ups.

You don't get a lot of return business.

No, because as I see it, they are immediately sort of taken care of after.

I'm just going to hazard a guess as to what's going on.

You're some sort of Highlander.

And much like Highlander, there can be only one.

And you think that your techniques are what has kept you alive for hundreds of years oh but it's actually some sort of mystical you're saying there's some sort of um uh uh enchantment or sure yeah some would say curse for immortality

exactly yeah that that that is not shared by the rest of us so these techniques are actually bad for us that's a very interesting point scott you know i've never i've never sort of considered the fact that maybe i have sort of um

wronged or righted some magical being who has allowed me to this would have happened hundreds of years ago maybe your memory doesn't stretch that far back what's the first thing you remember oh the first thing i would i would say probably um the super bowl wardrobe malfunction

back in 2000

you did that i

i wait was that you though louie holy shit oh yeah that's it i thought it was justin tippering i ripped her bra oh my god wow

big fan

big fan yeah i never get credit for it and you know what i mean that being your earliest memory i can't remember too much before that either right yeah you know it and that was such a pivotal moment in all of our consciousness.

Sure, you know, it does seem it's sort of a reset point culturally.

That's when I came online, exactly.

Was that your first corkscrew?

Oh, yeah, big time.

Also, whatever you're doing is working for me, lighting a cigarette.

That was incredible.

Oh, you're a smoker.

Yeah, big time.

Well, only after I finish, huh?

You get it.

Oh, wow.

You've climaxed it.

Oh, yeah.

Your feathers do look ruffled.

Yeah.

That is absolutely a little sweaty, a little ruffled.

Awesome.

That was awesome.

Do you ha has anyone else been chasing you, trying to kill you, so that they can achieve immortality?

Well, to say that I've got enemies would be an understatement.

I don't want to do an understatement then.

No, no, no.

I've got many, many people who are following me.

Now that you mentioned it, Scott, yes, there's been a few different people.

It's why I've had to sort of move my practice to various different locations.

I didn't know that you had to do that, so I didn't.

Yes, no, I'm glad you brought it up.

And that's why I won't reveal the the location of my practice.

How do you expect to get any business then?

It's a difficult time.

Doing things like this, Scott, sort of finding...

What did you say earlier when you shouldn't have plugged it?

You mentioned your business, and didn't you say where it was?

I was about to, but then I realized.

I'm glad you stopped me, Scott.

I'm glad you stopped me because if I had, then it would have revealed it for all of my enemies.

There were a bunch of people outside in like

tattered clothes that were chanting, we want the dock.

Yeah,

that's such a strange thing to chant.

Yeah.

They were saying documentary.

Yeah.

I was like, they were talking about scrubs?

And it's confusing because they're talking about.

Are you talking about the Springsteen dock?

Yeah, or Scrubs?

And we don't know that perspective exactly.

We want the dock.

It could be many things.

It could be we want treatment, we want diagnosis, or it could mean we want to

cut his head off and hand it to the children that he's wrong.

Someone had a machete, so I'm guessing it's the latter.

So I appreciate you allowing me to barricade myself here in your studio, Scott.

Well, you know, I mean, I get a lot of people who come on the show and want to hang out afterwards for a certain amount of time.

If that's an option,

I mean, I moved in.

How do you feel about sleeping in a car?

Oh,

I gotta go soon.

I've never slept in what you would call a car.

Have you ever been on Dancing with the Stars, by the way?

I wish.

I wish I did catch that through a window.

What dance do you think you would be the best at?

The Foxtrot?

Probably the one that you see in sort of TV shows said in the medieval times where they sort of have their arms like this up in a sort of teapot shape and they point and then they sort of hand each other on.

Isn't that one?

No, I've never been asked.

But you've never been asked.

With like a round gourd with strings attached to it, like ukulele.

Yes.

And there's someone playing an instrument that no one actually knows the name of.

It's got some strings on it.

It looks like a guitar, but it is not a guitar.

Yeah.

Not a lute, not a guitar.

Something that has a crank on it, maybe, too.

Yes.

There's also keys.

Yeah, sure.

We don't know what it is.

Millions of dollars.

We have no idea.

Doug, I got a question for you.

I know that there's a huge rise in sort of alternative medicine.

Of course.

The Maha movement.

Yeah,

not believing in science.

Are you getting more business now because of that?

I am getting more consultation.

Yes, I am indeed.

People are.

Has the government approached you to work with them at all?

Because I think

the

Surgeon General.

I would like to say.

Do you know what he is?

The Surgeon General?

Surgeon General RFK?

Is that what?

Health and Human Services.

I did receive a letter from him asking me for a consultation to take a meeting with him.

Oh, okay.

And did you all see recently where he said that circumcisions cause autism?

I did that.

That would explain it.

That's my fault.

I'm the one that put the worm in his brain, by the way.

That was also me.

Again, not on my IMDb.

He said circumcisions of like really large penises.

Is that why I got the diagnosis I got?

I don't believe he clarified, but if you do look at the data, I do believe just for your sake, Scott, I do believe that is what he meant.

Yes, large.

You're the one who put the worm into his brain.

Because the larger the penis, the larger the foreskin, am I right?

That's right.

Am I right?

That is going to be true.

Well, proportion is that's what they say.

Yes, well, yes.

Yes,

I was all foreskin.

All foreskin.

I really needed to get out.

That's fascinating.

Dick small, foreskin was 90%.

But you did have a penis, or was it just simply skin?

I'm still not sure.

I mean, it's

there's something going on.

Mine was more like an eight-skin.

Wow, it's got

incredible.

I knew if a bunch of guys were on a podcast together, we would start talking about dick size.

I mean, my size.

Take that WTF with Obama.

Oh,

I bet you didn't talk about that with him.

But you should have.

No,

it's, I'm appreciative of this opportunity.

Thanks for resetting.

Yes,

I am.

Of course, yes.

No, I saw where we were going.

We had kind of reached out to Plateau.

It got me wondering if Howard Stern has ever interviewed an ex-president and gotten him to talk about their dick size.

Yeah.

You know, I haven't really, I'm not familiar with the show, but in my memory, as a person who has seen a lot of information about the show, I don't don't believe he ever had a sitting president.

Nor an ex-president.

But potentially ex-president.

He did have a future president.

He did.

Oh, indeed, he did.

The clips are everywhere.

But I do wonder what ex-president would consider even going.

Can you imagine Jimmy Carter or Howard Stern?

What about that George H.W.

Bush?

What was

that joke he used to tell when he would stick his hand up people's butts?

Yeah, yeah, that classic.

Ooh, the hilarious joke.

Yeah, you sort of stick your hand up someone's butt.

Yeah, you would know.

He said some joke when he would do it.

I'm not familiar.

I must, I quite

keep talking.

Because this, as you know, Scott, this would be very absurd for me.

That would be a joke that someone like me who's interested in sort of

taking in the explanation of people's orphans is it would be funny for me to do a joke about putting my hand up someone's pocket.

Exactly.

What would he say?

Yeah.

Will you do this for the doctor, Scott?

I've got to find this.

Oh, yeah.

He'd say,

you know what, my favorite Dickens book is?

David Coppafield.

And then he would go.

This has been like memory hold from George H.W.

Bush.

Wait, is that real?

This is very real.

That's H.W.

too.

That's the older one.

That's the original.

Yes.

The one that threw up.

Yes.

Yes.

In Japan.

Remember, he threw up in Japan.

He was so embarrassed.

He got sick.

He had the flu and he threw up down himself.

We have talked about this

freedom already.

On camera?

Yeah, on camera.

You can look it up.

It's so he like looks like a little kid.

He gets sad and throws up.

It's so awesome.

He just like throws up on his leg.

He goes right into his lap almost like he's doing something else.

He's like, well.

Wait, what do you mean?

Masturbating with his vomit?

No.

Like it's lubricant for his penis.

Wait, what are you talking about?

How dare you say that I was saying that?

Like the acidic bile from his stomach?

He's using Martin has been

corn called.

Scott, these are your words.

And I hear you, Marguerite.

I had the same thought.

It would be interesting for you to see.

It's Scott's thought.

He forced it on us.

It would would be quite interesting.

I don't know.

It's probably something you'd be into.

Oh, yeah, big time.

What president do you think?

You got a corkscrew again.

The biggest dick.

And I know I'm getting turned on.

I mean, it's obvious, no?

I mean, we know.

I mean, we don't even have to give that idea.

It's probably Lincoln.

He was just so goddamn tall.

Yeah,

that's not what I was thinking.

What were you thinking?

Calvin Coolidge.

Herbert Hoover?

Yes.

That's what you were thinking.

It's a deep-cut president.

It's one of the ones that we can't even remember the name.

Taft.

James Capole.

Taft died in a bathtub.

Is he the bathtub death?

They had to make a big bathtub for him.

Didn't they?

He is.

Wow.

That's the dream, isn't it?

To be just so famous that they make bathtubs.

You know, Scott as a person.

But Taft Tub, isn't it?

Yes, Taft Tub.

Yes.

You know, it's a dream of mine is to die.

Is Taft Hartley named after him?

Yeah, it was.

Yeah.

This other guy, Hartley, and the ex-president got together and said, we want to find some way for people to join SAG.

Nice.

Nice.

Yes.

It is your dream to die.

It is my dream to die.

I hope that you'll get there someday.

I really do.

I hope that for everyone.

Year 400?

When was King Arthur?

Holy shit.

That was a while ago.

What is that?

1100 or something like that?

Somewhere around there.

I mean, that's

over a thousand.

Yeah, I was born just after he left power, so however long that is.

Wow.

I don't know my history.

Like I said, I only remember it back to

the wardrobe function.

Whatever it was.

Whatever year that was.

But yeah,

very old.

And, you know, I actually have had people try to kill me, Scott.

Sure.

They've tried.

Why don't you just sit there and let them do it?

I was put in a guillotine once in France.

Really?

Yes.

I broke the blade.

No.

Yes.

Oh, I'm so sorry.

You're like Wolverine.

That's a very apt comparison.

I just recently saw the X-Men movie for the first time.

Which one?

The Wolverine.

The Wolverine.

He's in Holt.

Oh,

the one.

The one that is his namesake.

The one.

That's a good one.

Logan is a Logan.

Logan is a good one.

Logan is a good one.

Logan is

when he's an old man.

Yeah.

The Wolverine is when he's a young man.

Yeah, and he goes to Japan.

Yes, I saw the place where George H.W.

Bush threw himself.

He throw out himself.

Wow.

That's what we call it.

That's not in the movie.

Wow,

the connective tissue.

Do you think he ate bad sushi?

I'd have to taste his vomit to know.

Did you get accused of being a pervert?

That's a good question.

It's mostly about you, like, eating and breathing.

Whoa, whoa.

That's a great question.

And I'm glad you asked.

You just met the doctor.

I'm glad you asked.

And you're judging his practice?

I'm very glad you asked.

You know, it's a common assumption.

People think that there's some sort of sexual gratification in me sort of

button mouth huffing.

But it is not.

There's no sexual gratification involved in this practice.

It's purely.

I could not do what you do.

You should try.

No, no, no.

I'm just saying I would get too.

Louis, let me fall in your mouth.

Okay, is it my birthday?

Wait, why are your pants already down?

Okay, it's my birthday, I guess.

Holy.

Louis hasn't even answered yet.

Your pants are down, and you're already bending over and

spreading mind doing this in the

middle.

As always, boys, look directly at me or look away.

All right, I agree.

Look, you guys have had it.

Unfortunately, we are running out of time.

Does that surprise you, Doctor?

I'm so sorry, but that's okay.

It's all right.

We are running out of time.

You go do your business, but

we'll have a session here.

We only have time for one final feature on the show.

That is, of course, a little something called plugs.

I walked in

to a bar.

Ouch.

I never understood that joke

until now.

I want blood.

I won't blow.

I want blood.

I want blood.

I want plug.

All right.

That was a guy walked into a plug ouch by Sean Payne.

Sean Payne, spelled like champagne.

Thank you to Sean Payne.

If you have a plugs theme, head over to cbbworld.com/slash plugs and you can upload your own songs.

You can find our own closing up the plug bag songs that you can turn into a remix.

You can upload that there, everything you want.

All right, guys, what are we plugging?

Martin, what do you got to plug?

You have two things going on right now.

I just want to take a step back here because I think you started the whole show with a quote from 2023 in the mailbag.

I wouldn't call it a quote as much as a catch-free submission.

Yeah, but that kind of implies a quote.

Yeah, I guess so.

I guess I'm quoting someone who wrote something down on a website and sent it to me.

So I'm right again.

That's true.

What do you want to play?

That's it.

I just wanted to

double check.

What about the hand that rocks the cradle?

That is coming out on Hulu.

Yeah.

But if you ever want to see if you ever want the best candy in the world, you go to sweetstash.com.

Not the most candy, because although you could eat a lot of it.

Well, you can order more than five bags.

In fact, you counted up to 100.

That's true.

Couldn't do any further than that, but I got all the way there.

That would be 20 orders?

Yeah.

Look at you, dude.

A fucking mouth wizard.

Wow.

And I haven't opened mine yet, but I'm going going to, the minute this is done, and I'm going to just eat myself silly.

But sweetstash.com is where you can get this candy.

That's true.

And do you eat the candy in the movie at all?

Like, do I eat it in the show?

You eat it in Tulsa King?

We had just finished production when we were shooting Tulsiking.

So I had a bunch of bags around and everyone was really sweet and I put it in the show.

That's cool.

So like you're just sitting there in your store or whatever and you're popping it in your mouth?

You'll have to wait and see.

You'll have to wait and see.

All right.

This is exciting.

Sweetstash.com.

Jams is the candy.

Hand the rocks the cradle is the movie.

Tulsa King is the TV show.

Louis Pentano, what do you want to plug?

Well, jams.

I got through almost an entire bag in the time I was sitting here.

Holy smokes, it's so good.

I'm glad you liked them.

Loved.

And check out Hay Riddle Riddle.

We're on tour a little bit the rest of the year as well.

If you want to check out a Riddles and Puzzles podcast,

and riddles and puzzles.

Riddles, puzzles, lateral thing to do.

Do you like Riddles and Puzzles, Martin?

I love a good one.

Check out this podcast.

We'd love to have you on the show at any point.

It's a verbal commitment to be on two more podcasts.

Scott hasn't seen where we're going to watch Patch Adams.

Last time I was on the show.

We're not watching Patch Adams.

That's the rule.

Wait, you want to be on to not watch Patch Adams?

That's what you said.

It's called We Haven't Watched This Shit.

That's the first part of it.

Careful to watch it.

I had to watch Daddy's Home 2 for that show.

So she's, well,

you're the one who picks what women want the first time all right yes and then hurt people hurt people and it was just been a back and forth ever since and then also text Louie to 215158 to vote for me on dancing with the stars yeah wonderful um reginal barberie what do you want

oh i would of course love to plug my my medieval medicine factory of course uh you can google that and find out all the information that you that i will make available for people which is not of course but you won't give the location what's the what's the website medieval it's it's It's Reginald Barberry's Medieval Medicine Factory.com.

That's

so many words.

It's so contemporary for a medieval.

Why didn't you add ye old at the beginning of it or something?

It was taken.

It was taken.

I couldn't.

There's another doctor with your name.

There must be who is a medieval doctor practice.

Incredibly frustrating.

That's why my Gmail address is what it is as well.

What's your Gmail?

Yeah, what's your Gmail?

It's Reginald Barbery Medieval Medicine Doctor227

at gmail.com.

But I'd also like to plug, I was recently actually against the market.

Did you try all the other ones and got to 227?

It took me ages.

I wouldn't have on a computer in the first place.

Or I would have gone for one, then I would have done like two, then I would have gone up to ten.

Or is your birthday?

It's either that or your birthday is like February 27th.

Unfortunately, the 227 has no emotional significance for me, Martin.

It's just.

Are you a Jacquet fan?

Why are you crying while you say?

I just wish I could have gotten a normal gmail it makes me so sad so sorry no it's fine but uh also if you if you you were a guest on a podcast i was guest on a podcast uh the brett demot show with buddy it's a podcast a podcast that you can you can subscribe to wherever you listen to podcasts hosted by um these other gentlemen uh who i look i look a bit like one of them oh okay and where and people can get this anywhere they can get that anywhere they get podcasts there's also a patreon uh the brett demot show uh patreon.com slash brett demot show um it's a lovely show They were lovely to have me on that show.

And you can also get other podcast and live special materials from Big Grande, which is a group I'm a big fan of, and that's biggrandewebsite.com.

BigGrande website.com.

Related to Ariana?

I wish.

Or Frankie Grande, maybe?

Yes, yes.

That's actually the inspiration.

That was the inspiration.

Yes, Frankie.

Nice.

Yes, of course.

All right.

Well, what do I want to plug?

I want to plug.

Yes, Scott.

What do you want to plug?

We have throwback t-shirts in the store right now, as well as the t-shirt with, what was it, Nick?

Scott,

I couldn't even begin to guess.

My corkscrew and my crack.

Okay, a new t-shirt coming out that says that.

I don't know.

We have a bandwidth for this t-shirt.

Oh, come on.

We do have some

old t-shirts that we're bringing back out on the store, new versions of.

We have technicality, no-down, boo-over, and hey nong man, ain't nothing to fuck with.

Throwback tees.

Buy one throwback t-shirt, get a second 30% off with code throwbacks at podswag.com/slash comedy bang bang.

Are there any capitals in there?

Just lowercase throwbacks.

Just throw.

I mean, you could probably capitalize it.

It'll take you somewhere, I'm sure.

Okay.

If you want to mention

action figures, then we got them.

Italiano Jones and Andre Pienew are action figures.

They are now on sale at figurecollections.com.

I'm looking at them right now.

They're gorgeous.

Also in stock, Randy Snuts and Carissa, Big Sue, Sprague the Whisperer, JW Stillwater, and some of myself.

You can complete your collection.

European customers can go to action figureseller.com for cheaper import fees.

When are you doing action figures for the eight-timers?

I would love to do an action figure of you.

Do you mind sitting around for the molding process?

How long does it take?

I think you're over and done in about 10 hours.

You got to do both sides.

You remember when I said I'm not busy at the beginning of this podcast?

I think 10 hours might be my

limit.

Okay, Scott hasn't seen that's only about probably eight.

So you can do that.

Okay, you can do that.

Great.

All right, let's close up the old plug bag.

A little bit of rec and music.

Respect my neck.

We all have bags.

And then in some closing,

we need these bags.

My neck.

Because we're not

in these bags

are lots of lugs.

You loosen up that knot because you know you got it right

all right.

Thank you so much.

That was a whole lot of plugs.

Dred Zepp mixed.

Do you know Dred Zeppelin, Martin?

You'll figure it out in a few years.

I mean, once you hit 50, I think you'll

watch the documentary, I think.

Dred Zeppelin.

Dred Zeppelin, yeah, you'll get there.

That was by Alexandre Pelleter

Michael.

Oh, God, that's three French names in a row, and I don't speak French.

But thank you to them for that.

And guys, I want to thank you so much for being on the show.

Martin's so great to see you again.

Yeah, likewise.

Very fun.

Can't wait to watch Patch Adams with you.

Yeah.

And then do a new movie.

I thought we might just

watch the movie, though.

We just break it down.

Just break it down?

Break it on back.

Just bro out and break it down.

Break it down.

That's right.

That would be a very interesting episode, I think.

Great.

Not watch the movie and then just talk about it as if we've watched it.

Does that have a red nose in it?

Yeah, that's what you said this was, and then you lied to me.

I don't think it was a lie.

I think it was just maybe a lie of omission.

Yeah.

That's a fucking lie, dude.

I beg your pardon.

I don't like to lie to my guests, but sometimes you have to in order to book them on another podcast.

I'll get that email address from you on your way out.

And then also, Louis Pentano.

You can just email the doctor.

Louis Pentano, good luck to you on Dancy with the Space.

Thank you so much.

We're pulling for you and for Andy.

Thank you.

If you're going to vote for one of us, I'll vote for me, not Andy.

What was that number that we're supposed to do?

2158512.

That's right.

And Reginald, what more needs to be said, buddy?

Hey, I appreciate that, Scott.

Yes.

Great meeting you.

Great to meet you as well, all of you.

It's been a wonderful time.

Sorry, I snapped at you.

No, no, it's okay.

Earlier, you know.

You could snap at me whenever you'd like, Scott.

Really?

Yes.

Permission.

Broad permission to anyone in here to treat me, however you'd like to treat me.

Really?

So we've

got.

Here goes the corkscrew again.

Hold on.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

It's happening.

This is not what I was expecting.

I'm okay with this one.

We'll see you next time.

Thanks.

Bye.

Oh,

God.

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And we've been friends for 20 years and we like to reach out to kind of get advice on how to live our lives.

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