BOO-nus Bang: The Exorcism of Cake Boss (Paul F. Tompkins, Matt Gourley)

This episode of Comedy Bang Bang is brought to you by Progressive, where drivers who save by switching save nearly $750 on average. Plus, auto customers qualify for an average of seven discounts.

Quote now at progressive.com to see if you could save.

Progressive Casualty Insurance Company and Affiliates national average 12-month savings of $744 by new customers surveyed who saved with Progressive between June 2022 and May 2023.

Potential savings will vary. Discounts not available in all states and situations.

Are you ready to get spicy? These Doritos Golden Sriracha aren't that spicy. Maybe it's time to turn up the heat.
Or turn it down. It's time for something that's not too spicy.

Try Doritos Golden Sriracha. Spicy, but not too spicy.
Hey, everybody, Scott Ackerman here, and welcome to another bonus bang, or should we say bonus bang, perhaps? I don't know.

The critics are still weighing in on this, whether we should be saying Boonus Bang or Bonus Bang. But anyway,

what are bonus bangs or Boonus Bangs? They're when we re-release great episodes of Comedy Bang Bang out from behind the paywall.

Now, as I mentioned, in the spirit of the Halloween season, we're bringing you a brief, brief series of spooky-themed shows we're calling Boonus Bangs.

And this week's episode is titled The Exorcism of Cake Boss. It was originally released as episode 289 on May 26, 2014.
Wow, that long ago. Let's see.
Who do we have here? We have Paul F.

Tompkins playing the dual roles of Cake Boss and Reverend Robert Parsimony. Plus, we have Matt Gorley as the recently deceased artist H.R.
Gieger.

And this episode features the very first ever exorcism in comedy bang Bang Bang history. So, this is a very notable episode.

Now, if you want to hear other great episodes of Comedy Bang Bang, become a subscriber at cbbworld.com.

We have all of the past episodes from the archives, every live show, ad-free new episodes, and original shows like CBB Presents and Scott Hasn't Seen.

We're going to be back Monday with a new episode of Comedy Bang Bang, but until then, enjoy this Boonus Bang.

Now, in frequencies audible to the human ear, welcome to Comedy Bang Bang.

Hey,

great catchphrase.

Who is is this? Typo Photo. Typo Photo.

Thank you, Typo Photo, for that. Welcome to the show for another week.
That's the Universal Photo Donor.

Typo Photo. Yeah.

He could give any photo to anyone.

Welcome. It's

mid-May. In fact, it's May 19.

The Quilfold.

The flying column

makes tonight a wonderful thing.

Welcome to the show for another week. A great week it is.
And we all know from his lovely singing voice that he's right.

By the way, I'm Scott Auckerban. I'm your host.
Welcome to the show. If you're just coming to the show from the television show, maybe you've seen the show on IFC,

the television show. I'm the host of that show.
I'm also the host of this show, which is why it's called the same thing. Kids, where they're coming from.

Oh, maybe you saw a flyer posted on a telephone pole.

Well, I want to welcome these people and acclimate them to what they're about to do.

You're going to welcome Kayla the welcomes individually to every situation. We're going to have every happenstance that might have happened.
So perhaps you

stumbled down the street and found an iPhone, and this podcast was loaded in the podcast app. That's too specific.
Well, it might happen.

Why wouldn't this person return the phone to the rightful owner? Well, maybe they don't have find my phone loaded on it. It's an older model.
That's an easy excuse.

People got to look out for each other. They do.
They really do. By the way, someone returned my phone to me.
You took your headphones off. I did.
Why is that?

Because I could hear everybody else louder than I could hear myself. What's the point? Engineer Cody, we need to get a.

Is there something wrong with the headphones? That's the ongoing problem with headphones. Yeah, that's true.

Someone returned my phone when we were in New York City. You were there, Cake Boss, by the way.
Cake Boss. Yes, I was.
Oh, by the way, I'm the cake boss. Oh, that's right.

By the way, if you're coming to us from the TV show,

and you're like, oh,

this must be Reggie singing with me. No, actually, it's Cake Boss.
Cake Boss. That's right.
I'm the cake boss. The boss of cakes.
That's right. I have my own show.
Sure. Where I make a bunch of cakes.

We each have television shows. That's true.
You've appeared on mine. I have not been invited to appear on yours.
No, you have not. Nor will you be.
Why?

You don't fit in with the whole cake kitchen milieu, if I may use a fancy French term. Is it because I've never ordered a cake from you? Like, do you have to order a cake to be on your show?

Finally, he figures it out.

So, if I go to your store and order a cake, there will be cameras there?

Of course, there will be. Here's the thing:

you got to come into the shop. You got to say in a very wooden way, Cake Bosch, I need a specific cake made by you.
This is reality television.

And then I will say in a less wooden way, oh, that's going to be tough. I don't know if I can do that.
And then I get in a fight with everybody in the cake kitchen, and then we make you a cake. Right.

And then do you ever make up with the people in the cake kitchen or do they just not film that part? No,

they basically come around to my way of thinking always.

And I'm always correct. Who are these people who work in your cake kitchen? It's a bunch of drools I got going on.
And then these guys, I got to keep on top of them all the time. Yeah.

Why don't you get like one extra person? Then you could maybe get the cake done one hour earlier.

I wish I had the time to shut down and do a bunch of job interviews to hire one extra person. All that is, it's not the economics.
I don't have the time, Scott Archiman.

How many times must I tell you? I don't have time to tell you again.

And yet you have time to appear on this podcast before. Where do I have time to do that? You don't know.
Boy, boy, I'm not good at managing my time, I guess. Get back to the cake, kid.
Yeah, I know.

Kick it.

Let me explain what's happening. Kick boss.
Kick boss.

Aka Buddy Velastro or Velestro? Oh, boy, oh boy.

Fish every single time. I just know you as cake boss.
Cake boss. It's but.
No, you don't.

It's buddy Velastro. But what?

You know me as Buddy Velastro. But what? Why are you saying this to me?

Buddy Velastro. So it ends in an O.
That's right. I'm a Talia.
Okay, right.

Buddy Velastro. You call me like a buddy Olestro or something.

Do you do you use Olestra in your cakes ever? Oh, pretty frequently.

Doesn't that give people diarrhea?

I'd rather not comment on that.

Shouldn't you be called diarrhea, boss?

Shouldn't I be called that?

You smell like a distillery.

Sorry, yes. Late night last night.
Yeah. Rap party.
Late night, Hollywood.

We had our CBB TV show rap party. A wonderful time.
Hanging out with,

you know, like

Gabe Kaplan and Peter Marshall, whoever. How come you didn't come by? Because you've been on the TV show

once.

Yep. And you're part of the CBB family.
Why weren't you there at the rap party? Oh, I wonder why. I think it was a scheduling conflict that also.
was like, I wasn't invited. You weren't invited.

Nobody invited me. I think I'm part of the family.
I feel like this is my olive garden. Are you on the message boards?

All the time.

Family is all the time. No one alerted you to this.
No one alerted me. Well, oh, believe me, I saw plenty of chatter about it.

Got a lot of chatter?

A lot of chatter on the boards. That's my favorite part of a show like 24, where like someone's in front of a computer and they go, there's a lot of chatter.

I like when they hack into stuff. Oh, yeah, that's my favorite part of it.
They're like, we're in there. I like how time passes.

60 seconds to every minute. But you know what? I like that even not married to a show.

Just like time passing. Just time passages.
I know you're out there. You're just out of sight.
Whoa, time passages.

Buy me a ticket on the last train home tonight. I wish I could have joined you in that, but I have never heard any of the lyrics other than Time Passes.
You don't know Al Stewart?

I've never heard the song before. Year of the cat.

Nope, never heard the song before. All I know is when I was in the theater, that people would constantly say Time Passages.
And so I just know.

Meaning the,

you know, I grew up treading the boards.

Oh, now everything becomes crystal clear. The peanut gallery.

Isn't that what Shakespeare called it? Yeah. Shakespeare called it the peanut gallery.

What were they called the Peanut Gallery? What is it? What are you talking about? Those people who would be in the front. The Groundlings? No, I'm pretty sure it was the Peanut Gallery, anyway.

You're probably right. Why isn't there an improv theater and troupe called the Peanut Gallery? There's the Groundlings.
Let's make one called the Peanut Gallery. How about the,

there's probably a thousand of them? How about Mr. Peanuts Gallery? Oh, that's copyright infringement's got an occupant.
Still? What if... Yeah, you know what? Still.
Good point. They should do it.

Or what if the Planters Corporation decided to start an improv group and troop, a group or a troop, and called it Mr. Peanuts Gallery? You don't think they call it Mick Schnutch?

Of course they would. Okay, never mind.
I rescind. I retract.

Now,

haunting like a Mogot movie. What is that? In a country where they turn back time.
It's time passages. My aunt.
I wish I could join in on this. God.
This is my greatest regret, isn't it?

He's got a beautiful haunting voice. Really? Haunts me like a haunted house? Well, I urge all the listeners to look up Time Passages by Al Stewart.
Okay.

And you will hear that he's got, it's a wonder he didn't have more hits. Yeah.
And why isn't he a viable artist today? Because he's got such an amazing voice.

There aren't enough songs sung by ghosts. There's Monster Mash.
I can count them on one hand. Monster Mash.

Was that sung by a ghost? Well,

I do remember it was a graveyard smash. I don't recall.

That is

not up for debate.

Absolutely. It's a proven graveyard smash.
But I maybe, oh, it was a guy who was working in the lab, obviously. Sure, he's a scientist.
I think he was.

Maybe a ghost, though, like a dead scientist. Well, you could say that about any song.
I guess so. How many songs are sung in the guise of dead people?

You know, like someone saying, I'm dead now, but I remember back when I was alive. 40.
40 songs.

40 songs all right can you list uh any of them listeners yeah sent or you yeah great what do we got monster bash number one with a bullet

is that how he died with a bullet yeah he was shot in the head in the lab too much

okay so we got monster mash obviously is cat's cradle or cat in the cradle

is that song by oh wait which how many questions you ask me i can't remember the name of the song.

Yats in the Cradle. Cat's Cradle.
Is that sung by a ghost?

Dad, at the end of his life, regretting. Too late.
You're dead, Dad.

You should have played Cats with your son.

Oh, and then the son dies. So by the end, it's sung by two ghosts.
So they're reunited. That's a very rare song.
That's just

from the point of view of two ghosts. We call that a tuboo.

That's what we do.

And

so. The national anthem.
Right.

Shung by the

sung by a ghost. The national anthem is.
Okay. Yeah.
Is that Francis Scott Key as himself as a ghost singing it, or is it just sung by a patriotic ghost? It's shunged by the ghost of

the Apostle Peter. Okay.
Now, the ballad of Billie Jean, is that sung by a ghost? That's shunged to a ghost. To a ghost.
Okay, so that's a new twist on favorite twist. No, no, no.
Oh, you said that.

And what about the devil went down to Georgia? Is that a ghost? That is shung by Almighty God. Right.
Because he's viewing the devil trying to trick. Can I ask you a question? Sure.

I was thinking about that shog recently. Yeah.
The devil went down to Georgia. Right.
The idea is he should have bind. He's way behind.
And he's looking to make a deal. Who's his boss?

I know. Like, you're the boss of cakes.
Yeah. That's right.

So, but who is the devil's boss? Exactly. Who's he answering to? And how, why does he have to make so many deals? He has a quota to fill.
And also, why does he stick? He's Satan.

Why does he stick to his word? Like, hey, you won. Right.
And here's another old fiddle. Why is he going down to Georgia? Is that implying that the devil is never in Georgia? Exactly.

And also, down to from where?

Exactly.

There are a lot of unanswered questions in this because I would imagine the redneck that wrote that, he's like, the devil lives in New York City or whatever. Yeah, I bet.
Which is not far off.

I say that. It's New Jersey guy.

New York is like a hell. Very good.
Very good. Very good.
Very, very, very good. Very good.
Extremely good. Extremely good.
Marvelous. Marvelish, yeah.
You look marvelous. Hey.
Billy Crystal.

Do you think Billy Crystal's song, You Look Marvelous, was sung by a ghost? It is now. Yes, because he's Fernando Lamas.

He is dead. But wasn't he dead when that song? When did Fernando Lamas die?

Pass away. I'm sorry.
R.I.P. R.I.P.
R.I.P. Possible.
Is he even dead? I think he's dead. Cody, let's look this up.
Fernando Lamas. I think if he were alive, he'd be in his hundreds.
R.I. possible?

Would he be in his hundreds? Was he when did he die? He'd probably be 150. Was he dead when

Cody, what do we got? 1982. He died in 82.
So

that song is sung by a ghost.

Because that song came out in 1986, I believe. Why do you know that? Because I bought the album in 1986.

You look marvelous. You look marvelous.

You're pretty good. Do you do anything? It's better to look good than to feel good.
Madonna?

Delroy Lindo? Marvelous. What did you think he said? Delroy Lindo? Marvelous.

Her belly button is absolutely marvelous. The Magna Carta.
What are the things that he said? Marvelous.

The Louisiana Purchase? Marvelous.

Tornado? Marvelous.

Sharknado? Marvelous.

If you have no idea what we're talking about. Good.

Go fuck yourself.

Oh, strong word. Yeah, you know.

I like to get a little blue on this show. I understand.
It's a temptation. We try to stay away from that kind of language on the show, but sometimes it's

a patient.

I don't know that one. Why did temptation make me think of that? Anything with Asian, I guess.
I guess guess so.

Buddy, can I call you buddy?

I wish you would. Or do you need...
What's my last name?

Oh, Vilaisak.

What? No. That's the made-up words.

I've heard that word before.

No, you haven't. I thought it was about.
You're funny me. I'm not.
I've heard that.

That is a name, right? That's a bunch of made-up syllables. I guess so.
Maybe you're right. Okay.

I have enough trouble saying the name of this show, show, Comedy Bang.

Do you think that you have brain damage? I think I might be. I think something happened to you.
Do you think you might be have brain damage?

I think I might be have brain damage.

You're making a very strong case. Something happened to me around the third year of this show.
I don't think I ever recovered.

I think I might actually be dead, too. Do you think you're a ghost? No, I would know.
I might be a ghost. Like, Jason Vanzukas and I might be ghosts.
Hold on, a jacket. Yeah.

I would know if you're a ghost because you know I have supernatural powers. Oh, that's right.
For new listeners of the show, cake possibly, you never really talk about it on the TV show.

No, who will be interested in that?

People that watch the show, what they want to see is people making cakes under a very strict time that... Under duress.
Under duress. That's right.
Duress cake. If it ain't broke, don't fix it.

That's right. So you don't get into your supernatural powers a lot, but we've talked about it

quite a bit on this show. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
It's a humdrum routine.

I got bit by a cake bug in the cake kitchen and that gave me the gift of the second sight right which means you can communicate with dead people see into the future sorry oh that's right oh okay that's right that's what that is you can see into the future oh boy i well it's you've been bitten by so many cake things that it's hard to keep straight cake things i got bit by a cake scarab when i was making a pyramid cake right and uh

that was going to serve as a mausoleum of sorts yeah for the for the purchaser an eccentric millionaire did we ever talk about who that millionaire was?

No, we did not. Okay.
Would you like to know? I would like to know. It was Donald Sterling.
Wow. Yep.
Was he ever buried inside that cake? No, he is unfortunately still alive, but,

you know, fingers crossed. So at the time, he was an eccentric millionaire, but since then, he's become an eccentric billionaire.
That's right. Wow.
Yeah. So I guess you can afford to let a whole

two-scale pyramid cake rot. I guess so.
You know. You got to get in there.

I made a cake for a baseball team. Yeah.
And it was shutting down the shut all day, so they threw it in the trash. What? Yeah.

How dare they? What are you talking about?

This was to commemorate, I want to say it was the Boston Red Sox.

And the Boston,

great, storied team.

They've won several championships recently.

The film Moneyball, I believe, was about them.

I may be off on that. Yeah, who cares? I don't know.

Moneyball

starred Brad Pitt.

And he played, what was the character name in Moneyball? What was his name? It was

he played a real person.

Abraham Lincoln? No, it wasn't Abraham Lincoln. Oh, Billy Bean.
That's right. My favorite Mr.
Bean in a movie since Mr. Bean.

How about he, what about Sean Bean?

So, uh,

what are you talking about when you talk about the Boston Red Sox? I'm saying I made this cake

for the Cubs.

Oh, for the Cubs. Okay.
Different teams. Somewhat illusion team.
Okay, yeah.

Different area of Chicago. The 400-pound.

Yeah, different area of Chicago than Boston. Sorry, what are we talking about?

So I make this. It's a 400-pound cake

for the Cubs. 400 pounds? 400 pounds.
Yes, to celebrate. It's It's bigger than you.
Yeah.

What are you trying to say? Well, buddy, you, you know, I've seen your show.

Well, she's saying I'm a Portley gentleman. Well, I mean, you know,

you're very rude. Not that that's.
In addition to being super drunk, you're very rude.

I'm just saying that, you know, a lot of times you would say bigger than a bread box in order to understand scale. I'm saying this is a cake bigger than you.

Yeah, all right. I'll allow it.
Slightly.

Oh, this is rude what you're doing. I'm sorry I'm sorry anyway go ahead

so to commemorate Wrigley Field's 100th birthday I made a Wriggley Field cake wow it's beautiful scale yeah no not the scale

you mean like was it the same size as Wriggly Field no

It was small enough that it fit inside Wriggley Field. Okay, so it's a...
It's a 400-pound. How would a cake

the size of Wriggley Field be 400 pounds? How much do you think Wriggly Field weighs? 500 pounds? Well, maybe it's hollow inside. You know, maybe you use balsa wood as the structure.

I think your brain is hollow and shy. All right.
Well, I don't think it was. So what was it, like 90% scale?

No, it was, I don't, I don't, I don't got the specs on that, but it was significantly smaller than the building it was emulating. All right.
So maybe one to 500. Good God.

Will you get off of this, Giga Baguij?

You're driving me crazy over here. Anyway, so everybody loves the cake.
Ooh, ah, cake boss. It's so beautiful.
This cake you made.

Why'd you do that? What did I do? What? I said cake boss and then you shed it. Yeah.

Why did you do that? I was compelled. The Holy Spirit compelled me.
But not the power of Christ. No, sorry.

My referenceometer is so off today. I don't even know what we're talking about.
Yeah. Maybe you left it at the club.

I still have my hand stand.

Thanks for having me on the show, Lindgy Lohan.

Oh, well, let me tell this goddamn story. Okay, but we're in the middle of talking about your powers, so this is a sidebar.
Oh, yeah.

Anyway, so they threw the cake away because it shut out in the sun all day. Why did it sit out in the sun all day? Is that because you delivered it at the wrong time?

Because I delivered it at the wrong time? You're saying this is the cake boss's fault? Well, was this a night cake that you delivered during the day?

You're saying because it's just shaped like a baseball field. there are nightcakes and daycakes yeah a night game a day game

it was not a night cake because it did not have a working electric lunch on it okay which if i had built a night cake it would have had working electric lunch of course so it was a daycake and then they just left it they left it there or you left they left it there instead of instead of eating the delicious cake they just threw it they left it there and then they throw it in the trash

because they were worried it was it's been sitting in the sun all day that the the the frosting uh was probably lethal to human beings beings. Does icing and frosting go bad? No, that's a myth.

You could eat that stuff

50 years in the future. You could leave it in a car for hours in the desert.
That's what I thought. And then eat it.
So what? You might not live, but

it is edible. It's edible.
Yeah, anything is edible. Technically.
This is what I'm saying.

So get back to your powers. You were bitten by a cake scarab, which gave you...
That gave me the ability to communicate with the dead,

both actual people who have died and fictional characters who have died in the works of fiction. Died in the works of fiction, or it is reasonable to assume that they would be dead by now.

I.e., Huck Finn. Huckleberry Finn.
There's no way he's still be alive. There's no way.
I can talk to him. Sure.
Okay. So, and then you were also bitten by a cake wolf, I remember.

Yes, which caused me to transform

into a cake wolf. Right, yeah.
Every full moon. Pretty simple.
Yeah. But I want to get back to the cake scarab powers, the powers to communicate with the dead.

I mean, can you imagine anyone who's interested in this? Well, I think so, because this is one of the reasons why I wanted to have you on the show, because this is very timely and very topical.

We got a lot of chatter

about something. On the computer? Yes.
About something that happened in the Star Wars universe recently. So here we go.
Because on one of your previous appearances, we

you communicated with Chewbacca. Yes.
Because Chewbacca died in one of the Star Wars novels,

which at the time was canonical. True.
Now,

the Star Wars,

who owns it, Mattel?

Who owns it? Disney. Disney.
Okay. Disney.

By the way, Mattel, when are they going to change their logo? Who owns Star Wars? Is it Arthur Treacher's Fishing Ships?

Is that Garanimals? Who owns Star Wars?

But Mattel, seriously, like, look at their logo it's been the same for 58 years you know what I mean it's just that red star and then the the lettering on it is I can't even picture it in my mind picture it let me look it up and I'll I'll uh

sure look it up look it up and we'll figure this out but I like change like freshen it up

why

well everyone freshens up their logos once in a while maybe they shouldn't check that out check that out yeah that's a good what's wrong with that logo it's just so it looks so old to me

like the font on it it's like change the font or something. I just don't get it.

I think it's a nice logo. And I think,

why not?

Stay with it. All right.
Okay. You've convinced me.
So in any case, I knew that would work. Mattel owns

Auto Shop.

Stop saying that. Okay, sorry.
But Marvel owns Star Wars. I don't know.

I just told you that it's Disney. Disney.
Oh, Walt Disney. Yeah, he owns it.
Oh, okay. When you say Disney, you're talking about Walt Disney.
Of course, Walter Disney. That's right.

The inventor of Mickey Mouse. That's right.
He invented him, gave him life.

So

the enemy of Mrs. Whatever they was.

Mrs. Poppins?

Mr. Banks.
Mrs. Pelham.
What was her name? Travers. Travis.
P.L. Travis.
Yeah, just like...

That's right. Yeah.
So

just like what?

Peter Travis? Yes, that's what I was going to say.

Hey, are they related?

Do you think Peter Travers liked that movie? Did she write for Rolling Stone? Do you think he was like, hey, finally, a movie about mom?

What are we talking about? Oh, we're talking about.

Chewbacca. Chewbacca.
Okay, so the. Disney owned Star Wars.
Star Wars came out, and because they're making

the Star Wars people came out in the press, and because they're making

because they're making new Star Wars films that presumably will have Chewbacca in them. As a matter of fact, I I believe Peter Mayhew was confirmed to be in these films.
Oh, thank God.

They have come out and said. Do you think that was a tough negotiation?

He wanted a stack of money as tall as him. Oh, that's a lot of money.
He's a tall guy. They're like, hey, we're willing to give you one as tall as, you know, Anthony Daniels.

So

they said, because these movies are coming out, now all of the things that were once canonical, I forget what the term of it is, Star Wars Universe or Star Wars, I forget expanded universe.

Yes, expanded universe. All of these things that were once canonical are now no longer canonical.
So now it's just the movies are canonical, I guess. Is Splinter of the Mind's Eye canonical anymore?

Oh, you know what? In that movie,

in that book, written by Alan Dean Foster,

Splinter of the Mind's Eye, Luke and Leah, they share a romantic moment. It's pretty sexy, isn't it? When you think about it in hindsight? That it's inscheft? Yeah.
Yeah. And that it's best.

I hear you, brother. Hey.
But so I guess even Splinter of the Mind's Eye, which was one of the first non-movie-related things, is no. I wonder if the novels are canonical anymore.

Like the George Lucas wrote the original Star Wars novel, the adaptation of his screen. It's pretty much the same as the.
No, there's all sorts of stuff that are no.

I wonder if the deleted scenes from Star Wars are canonical with Wedge and Wedge Antilles and all these people. Anyway.
Well, hold on a second.

So you're telling me that the Chewbacca died in in one of the star trek novels star wars but yeah star wars

who's drunk now

i am a little bit drunk good

how how many episodes are you drunk during of your show 50 50 yeah good yeah look it's very stressful but also you're 50 not drunk that's right hey thank you yeah so that's a great way to look at it so uh uh chewbaka died in one of the offshoot novels yeah he had a very heroic death for a wookie well thought he got hit by a car.

That's right. Well, I mean, for a Wookiee, I mean, it was very heroic.

So he died in one of the novels. You were able to communicate with him, and we had a very touching conversation with him.
We really did. It was beautiful.
And

now it's no longer canonical that he's dead. Although maybe presumably he's dead because it was a long time ago in a galaxy far, far away.
But at the same time, we don't know how long Wookies live.

But Ephesians. What is their lifespan? Ephesians 200 years ago.
Two years?

Two years. 2,000 years.
Wait, 200. From Vietnam is trying to tell us that we got a...

I'll listen to fuck you.

Sorry that you're not in on this fun, but that was delightful. I love Willie.
Well, born on the 4th of July. Yeah, Frances.
Getting a contact buzz from you. Wookiees live 200 years.
Yeah.

But is that canonical? Because it's never said in the movies.

So that's that's no longer canonical. Everything's up for grabs is what I'm trying to say.
So hold on, Ajaga. But I did communicate

the spirit of Chewbacca. But can you any longer?

Or is your previous appearance not canonical to our show anymore? I'm feeling very strange. Yeah.
Really? Well,

I don't know. Something about this being declared

non-canonical, but I did communicate with him. But if he's in the new movies, then

he's alive. Right.

are you all right yeah i feel a little uh

i feel strange you feel strange really uh i mean

you're not uh fading in and out like uh in back to the future or anything like that no i i no i'm still

uh i just i don't feel so good anyway okay

what are you talking about well tell you well i think we need to take a break but uh why don't we take a break and and you can get

splash some cold water on my face yeah why don't we do that uh because you're not looking so good yeah it's time time to take a break anyway.

But when we come back, I want to talk more about this canonical Chewbacca situation. Kanaka.
Kanaka Baka. Kanakabaka.
Banakabaka. Do you think Chewbacca uses Banaka? He should probably.
Yeah.

Mouth stinks. Okay.
Why? Because he's an animal?

Yeah.

Just because dogs' breath stinks? He probably uses a toothbrush.

What animal do you think has the freshest breath? Well, I'm just saying that dogs, their mouths stink because they can't pick up toothbrushes, but I mean, he's a Wookiee. He carries a gun.
doesn't he?

Well, also because they eat shit.

Well, that's true. Does Chewbacca carry a gun? Yeah, he does.

Like a Luger pistol?

No, he's got like a rifle. He's got a bandaliter.
He's got a rifle?

Like a laser rifle? Yeah. Has he ever shot a gun in one of the movies? He has laser cartridges.
Has he ever shot that rifle in a movie?

Yeah. You know, if anyone can get a screen grab of Chewbacca shooting a laser at someone, please send it to me.
Yeah, I think that they can very easily.

I cannot think of.

I'm getting information that Wookiees are middle-aged at 300 to 350. What? So they can live to 700 years.
So we don't even, he possibly is not dead, but we'll get a handle on this after we come back.

All right. It's making me feel queasy.
All right.

We'll take a break. Let you compose yourselves.
We'll be right back with a little comedy bing-bong after this.

Hey, everyone. This podcast is brought to you by Squarespace.
I know what you're saying.

What is Squarespace? Why did they bring me this podcast?

I thought I just pressed a button. No, no, no, no.
Squarespace brought it to you. Here's what it is.

Squarespace is an all-in-one website platform designed to help you stand out and succeed online, whether you're just starting out or whether you're growing your business.

Here's what it does. Squarespace gives you everything you need to offer services and get paid all in one place.
Don't you hate offering services and getting paid in two different places? I do.

It helps you do this in one simple place. It showcases consultations, events, and more.
You can do all of this with a customizable website built to attract clients and grow your business.

Plus, get paid faster with professional invoices and easy online payments. And with their collection of cutting-edge design tools, Anyone, and I mean anyone, even me, even I could do this.

Anyone can build a bespoke online presence that perfectly fits their brand or business.

Here's what you do: you start with Blue Prand AI, Squarespace's AI-enhanced website builder to get a fully custom website in just a few steps using basic information about your industry, your goals, and your personality.

As annoying as you might be, I'm just talking to myself. To generate premium quality content and personalized design recommendations, head over to squarespace.com/slash bangbang for a free trial.

And when you're ready to launch, use the offer code BangBang to save save 10% off your first purchase of a website or a domain. This show is sponsored by BetterHelp,

World Mental Health Day. Boy, coming up, it's in October.
Now,

one thing that helps us all through World Mental Health Year is going to therapy.

And, you know, this is a time to show appreciation for therapists everywhere and to feel the broader benefits of therapy.

World Mental Health Day is in October and BetterHelp is shining the spotlight on therapists, people who truly make the world a better place because the right therapists can change everything.

BetterHelp therapists work according to a strict code of conduct and are fully licensed in the U.S.

BetterHelp does the initial matching work for you so you can focus on your therapy goals and a short questionnaire helps identify your needs and preferences.

And their 12-plus years of experience and industry-leading match fulfillment rate means that BetterHelp typically gets it right the first time. But if you're not happy with your match, you know what?

Go ahead, switch to a different therapist at any time from their tailored recs. This World Mental Health Day, we're celebrating the therapists who've helped millions of people take a step forward.

And if you're ready to find the right therapist for you, BetterHelp can start you on that journey. Our listeners get 10% off their first month at betterhelp.com/slash bang bang.

That That is betterhelp.com slash bang bang. Hey, everyone.
Today's episode is brought to you by Fabletics.

When you live in activewear, you can never have enough, right? But the good stuff usually costs a fortune. And that is why Fabletics is great.
When you sign up as a Fabletics VIP, you can get...

80% off of everything. That's crazy.
That's almost all of it.

It only goes up to 100. You get 80% off of everything.
And after that, it's about $60 a month unless you skip the month.

That monthly fee gives you exclusive benefits, including a credit you can use toward a full outfit or a bundle worth up to $100.

And this is quality stuff. Fabletics.
I got a package full of this stuff. I wear it around.
People are giving me the eye. They're like, this guy, who is this guy and why is he in my house?

Okay, maybe I shouldn't shouldn't be breaking in people's houses while i'm wearing it but it's a good advertisement i think aware and brand awareness is the most important thing and these are quality quality clothes too treat yourself to gear that looks good feels good and doesn't break the bank with fabletics go to fabletics.com slash cbb and sign up as a vip and get 80 off of everything

comedy bing ba bing ba baby uh welcome back and uh comedy booze ball yeah

That's a burn on you. Oh, a burn on you, too, because you're drunk, too.
That's true.

It's fun to be drunk, right?

It makes you feel lightheaded and kind of like...

I do feel kind of weird. All your pain goes away when you're drunk.
And in any case,

you still feel poorly. When before we went to break, you started feeling like the non-canonical nature of Chewbacca's status.

You saying that makes me feel.

I don't know. I feel I've never felt like this before.
It's very strange. You think it's because you just received this news about.
I feel like it's got to have something to do with it. Okay.

Well, is there anything I can do for you? Can I?

No. You know what?

I'm going to send a text to a friend of mine. Okay.
This is a just-in-case kind of thing, okay? Okay. I think I'm going to be all right.

Someone's going to come pick you up. Is that what you're saying? In a matter of speaking, yeah.

Don't you worry about it. Study your business.
Oh, all right. Well, send your text.
In the meantime, I just want to welcome everyone back to the next one.

Address here. Okay.
And shed.

Sent great. Okay.
So, in any case, I just want to say, hey, everyone. Welcome to the show.
And hey, everyone. Welcome to the show.
Welcome back to it. Or welcome to it.

And if you started this podcast in the middle, welcome to you.

Welcome to you. Are you okay? Can I? I feel like that good.
I feel like I need to do something here for you.

Maybe you could shut up.

All right. That would, that would help.

Yeah, I feel

you ever get that feeling where it's like

your limbs are not your own, like they belong to somebody else? Like you're a doll and someone took off your arms and legs and attached different doll parts on you or something?

Boy, that's very specific.

So you're a doll,

but shelf-aware. Sure, you're sentient.
And so somebody has... Much like your R2-D2 cake.
Boom, Mashagabel.

That was a disaster. Yeah.

So you're a doll, somebody plucks off your arms, your legs, they put other doll arms and legs on you. And then you, as the doll, you're like, oh, this feels weird.
Sure.

I mean, and sometimes it's a good thing. Like, you get like Hulk Hogan doll arms on you, and you can lift, you know.

You're in a better weight class. Yeah, you have the proportionate doll strength to a Hulk Hogan doll.
Yes, of course.

So sometimes it's a good thing, but most of the time you're a mutant doll that has just different odd parts on it. Yeah, I guess I feel like that mutant doll.
Yeah, do you? I'm so sorry.

Yeah, thank you. I accept your apology.
So, what right now you're gesticulating wildly. What?

Yeah, I don't know what that's all about. Why are you doing that? I'm not trying to do it.
Why are you waving at me? I'm not trying to wave at you.

It's like somebody else is trying to say hello to you. What do you mean? Why are you waving at me? Oh,

I don't want to be back.

What?

Hello? Hello. Who's

my. Buddy, what are you? Nobody.

Nobody? I'm not your pal.

Nobody.

How did I get here? Who? My name is H. R.
Giger.

H.R. Giger, the recently deceased artist? Yes, the proudly deceased.
I don't want to be. I'm a narco-sculptor.
Yes, you're a narco-you-you're the author of the narco-

Necronomicon. Necronomicon.
Yes, and I am not meant for this world. I I had gone on.
I think that's the way I would have wanted it. Wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute.

This is insane because you're in Buddy Velastro's body company. Oh, am I? Yes.

And yet, your voice,

you sound exactly like H.R. Giger.
That is who I am. Channeling, no doubt, brought back to right some wrongs.

Finished business.

Okay, so let me explain who you are. Yes.

If you don't know who H.R. Giger is, you're an artist, a narco-artist.
Narco-sculptor. Narco-sculpt.
What does that mean? I sculpt the dead. Okay.

And if they're not dead,

they are when I'm done with them. Okay.
Yeah.

So you are most famously, you created the alien in the movie series Alien and

the xenomorph, of course. Yes.

And

you passed away last week. Yes.

I just did. And I go to heavens.
There's no, there's women's there

make me suffering the women's they're no segregate so I go down to hell okay and I say to Mr.

Devil you're the devil can I work for you and he says let me see your work I show him my paintings Necronomicon one through four okay great and he says that'll do pig and then I'm hired okay okay and then I guess here I am.

I was so happy.

Did the devil have to check with his boss? Yes.

He went back. I died in Georgia.
Did you kick it upstairs? Yeah.

I died in Georgia. Bad deal.
Long story. Okay, gosh.
Yeah.

I didn't know you died in Georgia. I knew you were Swiss.

It's just a crazy vacation. Last minute sort of Thelma and Louise thing.
But

that's how it went down. So now I think I have to figure out my quest before I can go home.
Okay, so wait a minute. You are working for Hell currently? Hell Incorporated.
Okay.

Yeah, it's big business down there now. Okay, so when you say you have to finish unfinished business before you go home, where is home? Hell.
Okay, so you want to go to hell? Absolutely.

I've been hired as the art director for hell because it was like still Dante type stuff down there. It's looking a little dated.
I think. And so I put new spin on it.

Everybody seems much happier or the opposite of happy, but the same correlation. Sure.
Yeah, it's successful, no doubt. Yes, successful in your work.

So, what unfinished business do you have before you go returneth to hell? I don't know. I'm trying to figure out.
Probably something to do with my wife, Carmen Maria Schifeler Giger, my wife.

Your what? Wife.

Please don't joke because

laughter is the enemy of creativity. Oh, that's right.
If people don't know your aesthetic, it's very dark. Yes.
Your favorite color

is no color, the absence of color. Absence of color.
Black, varicose, bruise, cloud, whatever.

You're in Buddy Velastro's body currently, the cake boss.

Oh, he's not saying cake boss. Interesting.

Cake

boss.

Wait, did Buddy just

retain his sentience just to say cake boss? He's a bit like a whale or a sea mammal where every so once in a while he has to come up for a cake bus air.

So

you're a very dark artist.

You passed away in Georgia and I hear it was the result of complications due to like some sort of Chewbacca style car crash. Was that what it was? Yes, that's exactly right.

And it is honorable in both Wookiee species and on our sculptors to be hit by a car. Do you regret doing the designs? Well, I have you here, by the way, if I could ask you a few questions.

By all means. First, I want to say just two things.
Yes.

Great to be here. Okay, thank you.
And also, wouldn't it be great if our rib cages were a second articulating mandible jaw that we could vanquish our foes with?

I love your ideas.

This is what your art is all about. But do you regret making the designs for the alien series and not Star Wars?

Oh, well. Chewbacca would be so much more interesting if you had designed it.
Yeah, all that fur gets in the way.

I think better to have someone with a bisected rib tube and lots of darkness.

Exoskeletons are the new endoskeletons.

Of course, yeah.

Darth Vader is maybe the closest to what. He's a pussy.
So, yeah. Yeah.
Wow.

How would you do Darth Vader differently? Well, no samurai-looking armor because mine would be biomechanical, come natural. If he needs to buy it, who among us cannot be Darth Vader?

This chosen few with an exoskeleton, those are the men we put on our shoulders of giants. Um, you're on my mind like a song on the radio, Al Stewart, great artist.
You're an Al Stewart fan, who isn't?

Why do you think that you're possessing the body of Buddy Velastro, the cake boss? I think the way it's explained to me by the devil, he didn't say cake boss again, interesting. Guys,

um is that it has to be a yin-yang matter anti-matter where cake boss brings joy into

brings joy into the life of many people my goal is to take it away and if i were to say go into morrisse or hieronymous bosh it would the universe would implocate

us implode so uh

the theory then is is that cake boss is the happiest person who brings the most joy to people in the world. Yay,

boss. It is no theory.
It is a proven fact.

His cakes are just amazing. And

the smiles and the faces that light up when one sees them, except for, you know, the cubs. Yeah.

They make me happy, which in turn makes me sad.

I don't, which then that makes me happy. And it is a negative feedback loop.
I, you know, I started doing paintings because for therapy, for I had night terrors, and this is true.

And so then I did paintings of my night terrors, which gave me greater night terrors, which gave me greater paintings. And that's how I became all-powerful.

Why did you keep your paintings right above your bed? Did you?

I read that you put them on the ceiling as well, so you can stare at them right before you went to bed. That's true.
I painted them there on the wall. I didn't even hang them.

Sort of like a Michelangelo kind of alfresco thing? Yeah, it was the agony, and there was no ecstasy because I would not have it.

Now, listen. Oh, okay.
Yes, master. I also made my own bed out of the ossified skin leather of a lesser race.
Oh, my goodness. Well, I guess you have to lie in it.
Yeah. If you made your own bed.

Listen, we don't have to talk about that.

Mike, so this is so interesting to me because I had expected to do a show with Buddy Velastro. Who? The

Kbos.

Well, you preempted me a little bit.

I didn't. indeed.
Oh, okay.

I expected to do the entire show with him, but now I have H.R. Gieger, with whom I've never spoken.
I've always wanted to.

I've been a big fan of your work ever since I was nine years old and the alien movie came out. Xenomorph.
Xenomorph, yeah, of course. Yeah.
Face hugger. Face hugger, of course.
Did you see Prometheus?

Yeah, that was shit.

I mean, I worked on it and all, but I do not sanction it. Okay.
What about too many questions? Yeah. Not enough answers.

It's supposed to answer questions, not answer a couple and then raise a whole bunch more. See, girlfriend, because

I'm an artist and I should be like all about questions,

but even that was bullshit because I don't think they have the answers themselves. Yeah, and who are those Statue of Liberty-looking motherfuckers? Yeah, exactly.
Did you see grown-ups too?

Oh, I own it.

I did the production design. You did on grown-ups too.
Yeah, I'm there. You did just the whole general feeling about it.

I production design. You did perception about it.
Yeah,

I production designed its general reception. Yes.
Okay.

And I think it's my finest work. Yeah, I really think it's.
It's so good. Oh, God.

So my goodness. Well, the world lost a great artist.
But you. Oh, yeah.
Oh, geez. I got frightened.

Who's your favorite artist?

The

Crockwell. Yes, Thomas Kinkade.
He's dead too. And I've got to have a great time with him.
Is he down in hell? Oh,

dear.

He's running shit down there. Really? Let me tell you, he was a drinker, to be sure.

And so we've thrown back some fire mead.

Are you drunk right now? I mean, a buddy's drunk. Does that make you drunk? Yeah.
I'm 50% drunk right now. Oh, my gosh.
Wow.

I know normally drink because it brings out.

the angels in me and I don't like not the demons. Do you see how I'm an opposite guy? Yeah, I get, no, I understand your game.
That's part of my deal. Yeah.
Yeah. Okay.

So, um, you're a great, you're a great artist. The world lost you.
It's such a shame. We just recently lost you, but it's such a pleasure to talk to you.
I

really want to take the most of this opportunity because we've never spoken before. We've never had you on the show.
So I just want to sit down and really bring out your actor's pain

in you. And just, you know, I mean, who's that? Who's that?

Hello, sir.

Oh, I already don't like you.

Yes, hello there.

Hello, sir. Are you Scott Oxerman?

Well, I'm.

Did he?

Yeah, I'm Scott Oxerman.

I received a text on my mobile phone for us.

Come down to this place and talk to Scott Oxerman. I thought that he was just pronouncing it that way.
He actually typed it that way. Are you talking about my friend, Mr.
Velastro?

Yes, your friend who's right next to you, Karen.

Oh, what? What is it?

Buddy, are you in there? No, but

buddy's gone from this place. Oh, it's happened.

He was worried that this would happen someday. Worried what would happen? Well, let me tell you who I am.
My name is the Reverend Robert Persimony, and I am

an exorcist. Oh,

wait, like the movie The Exorcist? What's that?

A famous film series

like Grown-Ups?

You know my work.

Wait a minute. Now,

you look like my friend, but I feel as if uh you're being uh

taken over by uh by a

strange spirit. Is that true? But if Alastro is dead, you will not find him here.
Well, who are you? Speak to me, demon.

I'm Hey HR Giger, born Hans Rudolf Giger, but my spiritual moniker is Hey, really Giger. Wait, are you the the the the the Sidden Marty Croft puppet guy?

Oh, not H.R. Puffins.
I can't make that mistake. Oh, Well, you understand.
Yes, of course, of course. We'll do some more.
Two famous HRs, huh? Yeah. How many more are there, do you think?

Just human resources. Yep, that's it.

That's it. Well, that's done and dusted.
That's number one with the bullet. You know, so far, this is not so bad.
This exorcism. Well, I haven't even started yet.

When I'm going to exercise you, you'll know it. Don't threaten me.

I want to get to lay the land here.

I've done over 40 exorcisms in my career. Yes, that's right.

41.

And all of them went off pretty much without a hitch. Very few resulted in.
Have you ever seen that movie Hitch, by the way, HR? Oh, sure. Will Smith is one of our great treasures.

It also stars one of the stars of grown-ups, Kevin James. Yeah.
Frequent collaborator. And grown-ups, too.

Oh, there's a second one? There is. Oh, I can't.
How did you know it was a film series without knowing that? I just assumed that there would be. I was waiting for it to come out.

I was a consultant on Maul Blart.

Paul Blart. Oh, listen, I didn't write it.
Okay? Are you saying we were under the impression that his occupation was mulblart?

So it was Paul Blart, Maul Blart. Yes.

Originally conceived. And it would have been something.
Help-wanted Maulblart. Goddamn studios again.

Now look here. You're not going to distract me, you demon.

I want to find out all about you. What was your name, by the way, sir?

Reverend Robert Parsimony. Robert Parsimony.
Welcome to the show. Oh, well, thank you very much.
If you've never spoken before, my name is Scott Ockerman. Scott Scott Ockerman.

Ackerman. Ackerman.
You know how buddy speaks. Yes, I do.
I had assumed that that was just his dialect. He's from New Jersey, so as you're curious about your dialect.
Oh, I'm from the Middle West.

And how did you guys get to know each other? Well,

I moved my parish. I have a parish out here.
Parish, the fuck.

Bi-coastal,

man of the cloth. And I have a parish here and a parish in New Jersey.
And then I also have a parish in Iowa.

I'm still here. Yes.
Now,

what has caused you, demon, to take over the form of my friend? I have had to do unfinished business on the earthly realm. What is this business spirit? Speak to it.
Something to do with women's.

I am afraid of them. They make me have a qualm.
My heart turns into a squall.

Now, how do you expect

taking over my friend's body? Who's a married man, by the way? So

don't go off and try to have sex with any other women because

I really should be getting home to New Jersey.

Wait a minute. No.

I forbid you to take my friend's body back to New Jersey.

You will remain here, and then I will cast you out, and I will condemn you to a lake of fire. Is there any way to make sure that he doesn't leave the room? Maybe a circle of some of the circumstances.

Let me just get the door. Oh, okay.
Yeah, just lock it. There we go.
I'm a little confused. Why did Buddy think this was going to happen? How did he know what was happening to him?

Well, he knew when he was cursed by Satan himself with these supernatural powers that are against God, by the way. Make no mistake.
They're against God.

The only person who can see the future is God, and he's not telling anybody. He's keeping it to himself.
So wait, is the devil went down to Georgia? Is that the future? Yes.

Since God is narrating that song, isn't it? Yes,

eventually when God dies and the devil has a new boss.

Right. Okay.

So

he knew that he was cursed by Satan, and so he thought he would be taken over. Well, he doesn't see it that way.
I certainly see it that way. These powers are unearthly and unnatural and the uncola.

And I feel that

there is a cola nut, crisp and clean, no caffeine.

Never had it and never will.

He feels that these powers are also a gift, but I feel that they're nothing but a curse, cursed from hell itself.

So he thinks his powers are a gift, and yet he thought that he would have his body taken over by he thought there was a possibility if things became ever became non-canonical in any way.

He's very concerned with canon.

Okay, now we're getting to it. So

he sent that text to you, and you're here to protect it. He said, Let me read his text here.

Reverend

M. Phelan Keasy

Q-U-E-E-C-Y.

You were able to interpret that as queasy, though. Come to Earwolge.

He was typing very fast. No, I think that's just his dialect coming through his thumbs.

I'm on a podcast.

How did he spell that? P-O-D-C-A-N. P-O-D-C-A-S-H-T.

Great.

Contact there.

Scott Oxerman.

A-U-X-E-R-M-I-N.

Okay, that's his. A lot of people spell that as O-X-E-R-M-A-N.
So that's the official spelling.

That's the official canonical spelling of it. How do you spell it? I never knew.
I just had heard it pronounced. But anytime people talk about it on Twitter, that's the.
Well, it's your name.

How do you spell it? A-U-K-E-R-M-A-N. Cool.
Where's the X?

That's the point. Yeah.
In any case, so he asked you to come to

protect. He knew.
Shut up, son. He knew that there would be a time when this might happen and he might need my exorcistal

services. Well, this is exciting.
Are we going to see, am I going to see and then the listener is going to hear a live exorcism on the show? You will see it.

The listeners will hear it if you keep recording. I will also hear it, I would imagine.
You will hear it as well as see it. The listener will not see.
They will only hear.

I would imagine I would also feel the vibrations of the sound and any kind of loud noises and stuff. Should we get into all the senses? You will hear it.

You will smell whatever is occurring in the room at the time.

Is it going to smell bad? No. Or poorly?

Well, that was a close one.

There shouldn't be any smells.

Okay, what is going to happen to you? Oh, I forgot you were still here.

That's right.

Tell you what, we need to take a break. Oh, certainly.

Why build

it? Pass the collection plate around.

So you're okay with that.

You're okay with taking a break before we do this.

There's no rush on this. No rush.
Yeah, I can cast him into a lake of fire anytime. Okay, so let's.

And I'm good too. You're good too.
I got until 12.30. Well, we locked the door.

Half past the widget hour.

Half past the monkey's ass as well.

Corner to his balls, I believe. Watch your language, please.
All right.

Fudge corner. Oh, you watch your language.
Okay. All right.
We're going to take a break when we come back. An exciting exorcism on the show.
I believe this is the first one. Don't build it up.
Okay.

Well, an exorcism, which is exciting to me. All right.
We'll be right back with the comedy bing bang.

Hey guys, Joel Kimbooster here with a very exciting announcement that I am the newest host of the podcast Bad Dates.

I am so excited to be here and sharing all the wildest, most chaotic, and iconic Bad Date stories with you.

I'll be joined by friends like Peppermint, Scott Thompson, Casey Wilson, Ron Funches, and MJ Rodriguez, and we'll hear all about their most notorious bad dates.

It'll make you laugh, cry, cringe, and maybe make you feel a little better about your own dating life. You don't want to miss it.

Listen to Bad Dates by subscribing to SiriusXM Podcast Plus on Apple Podcasts or listening wherever you get your podcasts.

A PSA from Instacart. It's Sunday, 5 p.m.
You've had a non-stop weekend. You're running on empty and so is your fridge.
You're in the trenches of the Sunday scaries.

You don't have it in you to go to the store, but this is your reminder. You don't have to.

You can get everything you need delivered through Instacart so that you can get what you really need, more time to do whatever you want. Instacart for one less Sunday scary.
We're here.

Ah, DSW, birthplace of the humble brag. Here, the shoes are so good, no one would ever know how little you paid if you didn't go telling everyone that is.

And with never-ending options for every style, mood, and occasion, all at really great prices, we'll definitely give you something to brag about.

So go ahead, stock up on fresh sneakers from your favorite brands, or try those boots you always secretly knew you could pull off.

Find the shoes that get you at prices that get your budget at DSW Stores or at dsw.com. Let us surprise you.

Comedy Bing Bag, we are back here.

Quite an amazing situation occurred over the show, the likes of which do not usually happen on this show. Get my tools together.

If this is your first time listening to the show, normally it's just an interview show. We get to the heart of

the matter with several celebrities. I plan to have that type of show with Cake Boss today.
We were going to talk a lot about his cake show. Cake Boss.

Oh, okay. But just to recap, very briefly, Cake Boss was possessed by the spirit of the recently deceased H.R.
Gieger, artist, extraordinaire, creator of the alien Xenomorph.

And

then Reverend

what is it, Reverend John? Robert Parsimony. Robert Parsimony, Buddy's friend, was texted and came in to perform an exorcism.
That's correct. That's correct.
Let's get to this.

I'm a man of the cloth and

I've performed many exorcisms. Reverend is not Catholic, is it? Or is it?

No,

I'm a Protestant. I'm not a Catholic.
Catholic Church, of course,

the great whore of Babylon. So

not one of those,

God-fearing Christian. And I do fear God.
He is terrifying. And you better watch

your step, buddy. Do you fear the devil more or God more? Oh, God, more.

Oh, certainly. Well, I'm a religious man, so I have no fear of the devil.
But God, boy, oh, boy, you've got to mind your P's and Q's, mister. He will

smite the hell out of you.

He'll just put his fist down on you and squash you like a bug. Who's the last person that God smited?

Chewbacca.

Who Baker? Chewbacca. Chewbacca's not dead.
Well, you can still survive a smite, you know. That's true.
Yeah. All right.
So, so what are we, you've been gathering your tools. What do you have?

Yes, I have my, let's see, I have my holy water right here.

I have my protective goggles.

A lot like this is you can't do that on television or something.

Yes, it's like that. I also have some slime.

So do I. That's to celebrate after the exorcism.
We pour it over our heads. It's fun.
Yeah, you have the Nickelodeon slime and H.R. Giger, you have the alien slime.

Yeah, the sort of black obsidian slime that is more of a plot device than we're going to have a slime off. Son, I don't suppose you have any Ghostbuster slime on you, do you?

Well, my good friend, he was eating some hot dogs the other day, and he

sent me a little something. So I have my, yes, I have my cup of slime here.
So I also have plenty of sharpened numbered pencils. Okay.
And that's for taking notes.

I have my moleskin notebook, of course. You also have one of those

foot measurers that you got in a stride write. Yes, I thought it was a credit card machine.

But

wait, does someone have to pay you for this? Oh, yes, indeed.

It's very dear.

When he's gone, does Buddy take it?

I'll leave you two to hash that out.

Maybe we'll speak. But yeah.

You go Dutch on an exorcism.

Sure. Well,

but yeah, so

it's heavy business, and I just put on my gloves here.

I'm growing stronger. Fix the snaps.
Are you really, boy? That's not good for me. No.
But listen, what am I going to happen to me again? You're going to be cast into the pit of hell.

So this is a win-win for both of us. I'm going to work with you.
I'm not saying this is going to be easy, but I'm with you.

HR wants to go back to hell. Yeah, you will be hell.
Oh.

Hmm.

Well, this is interesting. It's interesting because you don't want to give a

possessed spirit. You don't want to give them what they want necessarily.
No, it's your purpose. What's the problem?

I think it might be good to make you wait a little bit because I think you should have some sort of punishment. Punish, exactly, much like God would punish all of us.
Sure, yeah.

Or maybe we want to go to heaven and just have daisies. Now, you're trying reverse psychology on me, and that's science, which I don't want any part of.

So I think we should get to this exorcism don't you think i mean uh i think let's let's wait a bit let's wait a bit okay what do you want to while we wait i don't know you want to play a game okay sure yeah why don't we play a game uh why don't we play a game a little something that we like to call riddle

me

this

boom boom boom boom chip boom riddler

All right, welcome to Riddle Me This.

This is a great game that we have. We've been playing it recently on the show, and it's where we'll all take turns.

Everyone gets to partake in the fun, so don't you worry about that. Even the demon? Even the demon, yes.

Would you consider yourself a demon or a recently deceased person who just happens to be inhabiting a body? I'm a demi-corporeal, surfaceable phantasm.

Okay. I think.
Okay.

Read demon. Okay.
Take it easy, Oliver. I said that in parentheses.

I may be old, but I'm full of fire. Brimstone.
You guys have like an odd couple type thing going on.

I suppose so, yeah. It's a lot of fun to watch.
I'm listening. This is the studio executives.

We're taking meetings. When you said I'm listening, I thought you were doing a phraser reference.

Tossed salad on the piano.

Al Stewart. Great, great treasure.
Oh, I love Al Stewart. Time has suggested.

You guys have a lot in common.

I suppose we do.

Underneath the surface. Alex and Oscar, we're both divorced.
Down to Ensenada this weekend if I don't get exercise. Are you looking for a soul to steal?

Are you in a bind? Are you way behind? Are you looking to make a deal? I might be.

If you, okay.

Okay. If you had a

bungee.

Okay.

He's slipping into buddies patois. Ah, great podcast.

If you had a fiddle,

what would it be made of? If I had a fiddle,

well, traditionally, fiddles are made of wood.

No, cold.

Cold wood? No.

Cold, malleable metals. Cold, malleable metals to the touch warm to the eye.

Mercury. Oh, for fuck's sake.

I would make one out of bones, I think. Exoskeletons.
I would make a special exception for that.

That would be a pretty good devil fiddle, I would think.

I think that, you know, I mean, you have skeletons in graveyards who are like pounding on each other to make xylophone sounds.

Do you think that Satan took lessons to learn the violin, or that it just was something that came naturally to him? That's a good question.

Do you think that he prepared himself for this day, should it ever come? You've got me right here. I know him.

Oh, that's true. Yeah, you could ask me.
Did Satan take violin lessons? Well, I don't know.

You never asked him that? No, why would I? What a stupid question.

Well, will you ask him when you see him next?

I will do you that. I guess one sees someone playing the violin, much like Sherlock Holmes, you wouldn't ask, hey, Sherlock, did you ever take lessons? Because then he would say, no shit, Sherlock.

Well, yeah. To himself.

Where is he sort of signing it, like saying, no shit?

Sherlock. Do you think that Sherlock Holmes ever said, no shit, me?

Do you think that those Ewoks at the end of Return of the Jedi took lessons to play Stormtrooper helmets?

That's a good question, because they would have to find, or did they just kind of like futz around with them, or did they already know

the instruments that the stormtrooper helmets were based on? Yeah. You know, and they just adapted it.

Who Who set up the fireworks display on indoor at the end when they celebrate? Because they're little tiny Ewoks doesn't mean that, you know, they can't

know how to. Are there some Ewoks who work with pyrotechnics and that's their job? Come out of the butts of the X-Wing fighters on a flyby.

The fireworks come out of the butts. Yes.

The butts of the dick-shaped X-Wings.

Wait, are you saying that these X-Wing fighters are somehow biological in nature?

Everything mechanical is biological. Everything biological is mechanical.

What about a doorknob? Yes. What? That is a.

It's a knocker. This is Satanry.

Call it what you will. What you're saying is black magicals.
No. And I don't cotton to it.
I don't care for this at all. Too bad it's coming for you, old man.
Well, no.

What's this game now? Yeah. Oh, okay.

We are going to take turns. We will each come up with a...
It seems fair already.

Great.

Great democratic game. In fact, we'll even go clockwise.

I wouldn't want to to go counterclockwise. That's against God.
Yeah, yeah, that's satanic.

So I'll begin. We will each make up the first part of a riddle.

Just any kind of strange sentence that is a question. And then we'll go counterclockwise, and the other two of us will then try to come up with a joke answer that would be an acceptable riddle answer.

And then we'll see who has the best, who creates the best riddle out of this. Does that make sense? No, let's do it.
All right, here we go.

I'll start off.

Let's see. Why did the jet fighter

crash land his plane in Louisiana?

Because the jet was made of ice and it melted, then you could not see it. Okay, very good.
Very good. All right.

Give me the setup again. Why did the jet fighter crash land his jet in Louisiana? Why did the jet fighter crash land his jet in Louisiana?

Because

he

had a thing at 12:30. He needed some K-Jun per cake

cables.

Okay, good. Oh, I see what you do.
Yeah, yeah, exactly. I'd like to go again.

Okay, HR, I'll give you a second.

He's a demon. Well, he's a demon, so we're going counterclockwise back to him.
Oh, good technicality. You got me there.
Technicality, no-down boo-over. Technicality, no-down boo-over.

All right, you want to go get HR?

Don't try any puffing stuff.

Why did the jet fighter crash his plane into Louisiana? Yes.

Because

he wanted, because he was tired and he wanted to do more liens.

To do more leans, meaning leaning down on a bed. What else could it mean? I don't, I think one lays in a bed.
One doesn't lean on a bed.

I can see the demon's point that if you're tired, you'd rather lean than stand up straight. And my bed is a hybrid pupa sack that you sort of lean into like a cocoon.

I sleep and take a mood bath at the same time, but it's a standing bath. So you could excuse excuse me, my answer for that reason.

This is all satanic-re out of the monster manual by I. Gary Gygags.

It's a hack. Remind me, when we play this, do I come up with an answer too? I can't remember.
No, you judge. Oh, I judge.
No, you come up with one. Sure.
Okay. How wouldn't you?

Why did the jet fighter crash land his plane in Louisiana? Because he wanted to be by you.

That's the winner. Wait, so I'm there in Louisiana? Yes.
Oh, well,

that would have been valuable information to have when I was crafting my riddle answer.

I'm sorry. I feel as if you were withholding valuable information so you could win the game.
Okay, so now we all vote. And we can't vote for ourselves.
We all vote?

We all vote, and because there's three of us, we can't vote for ourselves and whoever gets the most votes. Well,

I feel like I have no choice but to vote for you, even though I feel like you've played this game very unfairly because I can't vote for a demon. HR?

I vote for you out of sheer just cleverness, logic, wonderful character. Congratulations.
I don't have to vote. I'm not sure what game that you set up.
Well, we're all going to go now.

And whoever has the most points after we all know.

All right,

let's go back to Clockwise HR. Okay, here's the deal.
Imagine, if you will.

Dig if you will a picture. Yeah.
Of you to engage in a kid.

Print.

Print? Print. Isn't that his name?

No, that's something that's on your computer. Computer?

You don't have a computer? What are those big boxes with the reel-to-reel tapes?

Oh, my God. It doesn't know what love is?

I've never heard a computer exactly describe that. Isn't that what it is? It's a machine.
It's a thing that doesn't know what love is. It's a room-sized machine.

You ask it what love is, and then smoke comes out.

All right, HR. What do I have?

So here's the deal. You're in a room with two doors.
Each one has a surgeon guarding it. And the surgeon says, I can't operate on this door.
Why?

Does it go to me? It goes to you, yes.

Because

the other

surgeon,

the other door, is the one that always lies.

Okay, goes to me now.

Clockwise. Because the one door is not actually a door, it's ajar.

I'm not lying that's it. I want to go again.
Give me the set of pictures. Okay, we're going counterclockwise, though.
Are you okay with that?

My strength in God is infinite.

Okay, here's the deal. You're in a room.

Okay.

Now, don't worry about how you got in there. Probably you would have had to.
Is this in Louisiana? It's very important to me. Oh, yes.
Where am I? In Louisiana, yeah. Okay.

All riddles take place in Louisiana. Oh, that's right.

I had forgotten that.

Okay, so don't worry about how you got in. You would have presumably had to come in through one of the two doors, which, you know, I got to do it.
Okay, let's say I'm not worried about it.

What if he's a teleporter, though, and you just teleported inside?

No, is that something buddy would say?

Perhaps that's in Canada. Okay, now please

for to have a somber attitude towards this, as if it were real.

You're two guards guarding a door, but two of them are surgeons, and one of them says, I cannot operate. Of the two, two are surgeons.

Okay.

What are you doing?

I'm just trying to make sure I keep all your demonic details straight.

Okay. I know you're trying to trick me because of your hellish nature.
No, I just want to play a fun game. Oh, I'm sorry.
Okay. No.

Okay, here's the deal. Okay.
We're in a room. Two doors.

Guarded by two services. They start at the beginning every time.
Oh, I didn't realize that. So they're not guards.
No, they're silent. Or is that their part-time job? Are they moonlighting as guards?

Figure it out. Southwalk by night.

Some fly by day.

Moonlighting strangers

who just met

on the way.

Well, at least we can all agree on that. Okay, Al Jiraux, Al Stewart are guarding the two doors.
And they're surgeons. Yes.
One of them says, I can't operate on this door.

I didn't know it was Al Jiraux when I made my answer. That's a little.
Okay, anyway. Yeah.
Why?

Al Jiraud never guards a door, but Al Stewart opens a window

every time. Very good.
All right, now you have to answer. Oh, shit.

Okay. Hey, did you answer? I did, yeah.
It's not a door, it's a jar. Oh, that's right.

Why don't I remember that happening at all? I don't know.

We're all drunk. Are you drunk, too? I might be a little bit.
All right.

Okay. Here's the deal for the answer.
Okay. Okay.

The Al Jarot.

Who else did he sing?

I don't know. What else did he sing? Singing, Mr.
Cheerios.

Jesus. Big Al Jaro fan, Reverend?

Moderate.

I like those two songs, Theme from Moonlighting and that

good morning song. Are those the only songs on your iPod? Yep.

Just shuffle. That's right.
Sometimes I'll play them in order. Sometimes I'll shuffle them around.

Okay.

Okay. Okay, for reals.

Al Stewart says, I can't open it. Al Jaro says, I can't open it.
Then Al Jolson says, I can't open it. I can't operate on that door.
I'm its mammy.

We didn't know Al Jolson was in this, huh? No, there was another detail that was held back. I don't like the way this is.
Riddler's prerogative. Okay, all right.
Well, Riddler's prerogative.

Another great Al Jira song. Riddler's prerogative.

Riddler.

Everybody's talking all that mess about me.

Why don't they just let me

riddle? Riddle.

We have to vote. So let's go to the Reverend.

Well, again, I feel as if my hands are tied and I'm forced to vote for you. God damn it.
This guy is, you know, he's an evil creature.

Okay.

I then am going. I'm going to vote for you, Reverend, because I don't think HR's answer really made a lot of sense.
And I

thank you very much. Also, I'm a man of God.
I'm going to abstain and

vote for H.R. Speaker.

Oh, no. What do we do with Ty? Well, you can't vote for yourself, but I guess it's Cake Boss voting for you.
Yeah, how did that ever happen? Boy, that is a true technicality, no-down boo-over.

Technicality, no-down, boo-over. Oh, boy.
Well, Ty goes to me. Ty goes to the runner, yeah.
It goes to you. Okay, well, all right, so it's one point me, one point to H.R.

All right. The way this is shaping up at all.
It's your turn, Reverend. This is like a fiddle-off.
You better win this, or you're gonna lose it all.

We're gonna have a slime on Fred after this.

Keep in mind that in that song, the devil cheats by bringing an entire band, backing him up.

That's not fair. That was never part of the agreement.
And one electric guitar. You two have, yes.
He doesn't even play the fiddle. Yeah, it's very bizarre.

I have the little river band waiting outside, ready to come in. Well, I've got a big river band.
Oh. Yes.
I've got the biggest I could find.

I have little feet.

I have big feet. God damn it.
And Bigfoot.

Do you have Bigfoot? Yes. I have have a friend who's been searching for him.
Who? Not Gary Marshall. You know, Gary Marshall?

He doesn't understand all these creatures.

God made them. God created them.
The creatures that didn't make it to the ark.

The solitary creatures. Oh, okay.
He doesn't understand this. They're very sad.
He doesn't understand. He's trying to capture them and put them on display.
Oh, that's not right.

They're doing God's work. Bigfoot goes around and he gives to children dimes for their lost teeth.
I'll pass that on if you don't mind. I wish you would.
All right.

So.

Buttons on your overalls. What do we got? It is.
Oh, it is my turn to come up with. And of course, I'll be holding back a detail as you both did.

That seems only fair.

Let me see now. Riddles, riddles, riddles, riddles.

Riddles, riddles,

would help if we play the the theme song.

I've got one. I've got one.

What have I got in my pocket?

What have you got in your pocket? That's the riddle? That's my riddle, yes.

So, wait, now, is this the type of riddle where if we guess what's in your pocket, we win what is in your pocket?

Sure, sure. Okay.

I'm going to say your wallet.

I'm going to say nothing.

What do you say? I've withheld a detail. What's that? I don't have any pockets in my clothing.

Oh, man. So that's right.

There's stage clothing, so I can write it off. Are they breakaway? Yeah, that's right.

Please. Here we go.

And it's just the same clothes underneath. Oh, my God.
So your real clothes are under your breakaway clothes? That's right. Well, you're like a wholly ordained stripper.

But do those have pockets in them? No.

That's the best way I can write them off because of stage clothing. No, but your real clothes underneath.
Do those have pockets? No, no pockets. I keep everything in my sock.

Aren't you tax exempt already?

Well,

I mean, my particular denomination is not, let's say, recognized by the government as a form of religion. What kind of Protestant are you?

I'm a Lutheranitarian. Luthernitarian.
That's right. A Lutheranitarian? Luthernitarian.
Okay, and what do you believe in? Do you know that TV show Luther?

From Britain? Yeah. Starring the dude from the wire? That's right.
It's a pretty good show, right? Not bad. Well, everything's based on the holy tenets of Luther.
Okay. I don't know about you.

I don't know about you either. Well, we'll see.

They're known as the couple.

The very seldom-heard lyrics to the odd couple song. So now, wherever they would go.

I have to come up with an answer to that. Yes, you do.

Wherever they would go. This is just the same.
They are known. It has the same statement over and over again.

He wants to let everyone know that they're no. Wherever they are going.

They are known.

I don't remember.

All right. I have to come up with an answer to what I've got.
Now you have your piece of withhold information, so you could. That's right.

Well, the piece of information I withheld was that I don't have pockets,

but I still have to come up with an answer. My answer is still technically correct.

What was your answer? Nothing.

Yes, but in order to have nothing in your pockets, you must have a pocket. Oh, now we are into a physiological debate about.
Blowing my mind, my man.

What I do is blow minds and save souls. Not in that order.
Based on the TV show. Also, I came here to choose some bubblegum.

Are you all out of bubblegum, Bob? No, I got plenty. I got plenty of my socks.
Okay.

I always have to have pockets. In one sock, I put my cash, the other sock, I put my bazooka joes.

I'd love to hear some of those riddles. Who should? We're in the middle of riddle me this.

Let me just open this up. Okay, certainly.

That is huge.

Huge bazooka joes. I thought that was like a goiter or something.

No, it's just a gigantic

wrapping bazooka joe in cardstock.

It's a travel, uh, travel bazooka joe, so it lasts longer. It's more protected.
Military-grade World War IIK ration. That's right.
Yeah. Comes in a little tin

all right let's hear one of these riddles okay

it's it's one with uh bazooka joe and his friend mort i love mort of course

has his turtleneck sweater pulled up over his face certainly as is the style of the day bazooka joe child with an eye patch that's not disturbing um

bazooka joe says uh

says to mort hi you mort mort says hello there bazooka joe how have you been bazooka joe responded kind well i've been quite well thank you mort

They are known as the

wolf.

Then

Mort says to Bazooka Joe, say, shut up, Bazooka Joe. I've got a riddle for you.
Bazooka Joe says, well, I don't care for that kind of treatment, but go on, ask your riddle. I'm a patient man.

So these military K-Rash and Bazooka Joe's, they're quite a bit larger. Well, you see how much bigger.
Look at them.

It's like a scroll. Exactly.
Yes.

They're a lot of filler. Yeah.
It's a lot like, you know, certain Sunday papers that have the comics. they have the three extra panels.
That's right. Yeah.
Yeah.

So like when you would read Peanuts, if you read the whole thing, just imagine when you're reading a Sunday Peanuts that you can cut the first two panels out. That's right.
Nothing germane to.

Yeah, nothing germane to the story is talked about in those. Yeah.
I remember one where Linus asked Charlie Brown,

hey,

hey, did you ever find that hat I left at your house?

Did he? No, he didn't.

And then they

said, keep an eye out for it. it.
Then they got on to the funny part. Do you think Bazooka Joe is ever asked to keep an eye out on something? Oh,

that's very

insensitive. He's a child who lost an eye.

All right.

Okay, so Mort says to Bazooka Joe, hey, Bazooka Joe, when is a little boy

with a cold, not a little boy?

And

Bazooka Joe says, I haven't the faintest idea, Mort. I'm afraid you'll have to tell me.

That's one whole panel. Sure.

I noticed there's not enough room for the heads of the characters.

Nope,

word balloon is text. It's a lot of text.

Then

Mort says to Bazooka Joe, well, all right,

Ignoramus, I will. You should read a book every once in a while.

Bazooka Joe says, that's neither here nor there. Just tell me the answer to the riddle.
You started this.

Mort says, fair enough. I guess I haven't eaten today and my blood sugar is a little low.
And it's just text at this point.

It's just a tiny page. It's just a little bit of Mort's hair in the corner.
you can see.

So Mort says, final panel, Mort says,

remember the question put to Bazooka Joe was, when is a little boy with a cold, not a little boy? Certainly.

And

Bazooka Joe says,

Mort says to Bazooka Joe, he says,

when he's a

when he's little with his little horse.

He had a sore throat. Oh, okay.
Well, that's a I feel like that's... That withheld that.

Mort withheld that from Bazooka Joe. Okay, wow.
That's how riddles work. All right, now we're getting out of that sub-riddle-me this, and now we're back in the real riddle me this.

What is your answer, riddler?

My answer to what have I got in my pockets, is a pile of hope.

A pile of hope. Yeah.

Yeah, that's right. Pile of hope.
Yes. Okay.
All right. Now I guess we have to vote.
We do have to vote. I can't vote for myself.
You can't vote for it. Of course, I vote for yours.

Okay, thank you. Oh, this is a fix.
All right. Well, I can't vote for myself.

And knowing that HR has a point already, I'm going to vote for you, Reverend. Oh, well, thank you very much.
All right. So where does that leave us?

That means, HR, you have to cast the deciding vote who will get the point in this particular round of Riddle Me This. Okay, what's it worth to you guys?

We've never had bartering

in the middle of Riddle Me This. Also, scripture prescribes gambling, so I feel like I can't even participate in this conversation.
Okay, I'll give you whatever's in my pocket. Okay.

Oh, dear.

If, okay.

I'm going to give it to you, Reverend, to make it seem like you gambled. Ooh.
And wear that on your conscience, you silver-dicked jerk.

Well, I have to take that with me forever, wherever I go, knowing that I accidentally sort of had gambling thrust upon me. Yeah.
Well, the joke's on you.

I didn't have anything in my pocket anyway, because I'm wearing breakaway pants.

Wonderful. With nothing underneath.
Oh.

Shouldn't have broken them away. Hey.
You know, it's kind of breezy here in the studio, so I don't mind it. Do you go to Edmunds?

What is Edmund's? This is where I get my breakaway clothing. Of course.
Yes, yes, yes. Good stuff.
Very nice. I love Edmund.
He's probably my favorite employee. I can't believe he still works there.

Okay, so to recap, we each have a point. Oh, dear.
And Riddle Me This. Three-way tie.
Wow, three-way tie. You You know what might break this tie nicely? What's that?

What if I were to exorcise this demon? Oh, okay. Why don't we do that? We should close up then Riddle Me This.
Oh, sure. Okay, so here we go.
Let's play the theme song.

Riddler. Riddler.

Okay.

Guys, let's get to this exciting exorcism because I've been hearing about this for what seems like a half hour. Are those clanking chains? No.
Oh, those are your keys.

I thought it was some sort of like Jacob Marley fettered situation. Oh, just get my keys out of the way.
Why would I have clanking chains for an exorcism? I don't know.

All right, here we go.

Do you need any assistance from me? Yes, I'd like you to shut up.

What?

Spirit,

you are trespassing upon this soul. I abjure thee, vacate this vessel and banish ye back to hell from whence ye came.

By the power of God, the Father, the Son, the Holy Ghost, all his saints and apostles, the ground team out there, people on the streets,

of course, Rob, Janie,

what's that guy's name? Oh, I always forget his name. Victor.

Everybody in the whole organization, I banished you to hell. The power of Christ compels you.

The power of Christ compels you.

The power of Christ compels you. Come on, get out there.
Be a sport. You don't play to my ultimate plan.
Which is. I'm getting me back to hell.
I don't want to be here.

It's a type of hell as it is, and I gladly go back. All I needed was permission from an official.
Well, have a nice trip and see you next fall of man.

Okay, before I go, let's be friends and shake hands. Oh, sure, okay.
Come with me.

Who is happening?

The Reverend was.

Oh, Scott. Scotty, are you back?

What do you mean with my back? What happened? Exactly what you thought was happening. Your body was taken over by a spirit.
Did I get possessed? You got possessed by the spirit.

Oh, I knew it was going to happen someday. Thankfully, you texted your friend.
You were a lot like Texter. Oh, yeah.
Oh, Texter. I love that show.
Yeah.

You were possessed, but your friend came by. The Reverend Persimony? The Reverend Persimony came in, exercised.
He was crazy. I thought you were in the city.

He exercised the demon, but then it was the strangest thing. He was sucked into your mouth.
What? He was sucked into your mouth and went down to hell with H.R. Gieger.

Are you shaking that hellish in my belly?

H.R. Hooger?

Is that just something that you're saying with your dialect that I don't understand? No, I don't know who you're talking about. I thought H.R.
Huger was something that you were trying to say.

It's a long story. Anyway, I'm glad you.

Okay. You know what? I'm not that curious about it.
You know, the listeners listeners heard it. Just go back and listen to the show.

Like, I would never do that. I do feel a lot better, though.
You do feel good. Yeah, I feel great.
Okay, well, that's great. Very nice.
Okay, well, I'm not mad at you. I'm not mad at you.

Why are we yelling? I don't understand why we're doing that. I'm just mirroring your energy.
Look, I'm fine with you. I'm fine with you.
Okay. You're my best friend.

What?

Nothing. I'm your best friend.

Forget I said that. Oh, my gosh.
I never knew that you felt that way about me.

I never do either. either, until just now.
Is that why you're on the show all the time? I mean, you don't have time to be here. I guess show.

I really don't have time to be here, but you got to make time for friends. Buddy, you truly are my buddy.
I like to be a buddy. You're my buddy in two different ways.
First, in that my name is buddy.

Sure. I'm the only buddy you know.
Yes.

Secondly, in that I am friend with you. Aw, we are good friends.
I feel like we are good friends.

What's my wife's name? Ooh, boy. Yeah, I thought so.
All right, well.

what is her last name? Feli Shock. Where? That's where I'd heard that.
I held back a detail.

All right.

Hey, we have to do our final feature on the show. It's a little something we call plugs.

I want to see the thing that you're working on.

I wanna hear the thing that you're working on.

love you,

love yes.

Yeah,

come on, love yes,

come on, love you, love you, love you,

baby.

Oh, wow. Okay.
Very nice. That reminded me of Prince.
Print.

That was Plug It Reprise by Seoul Korea. Seoul Korea.
S-O-U-L Korea. That was fantastic.
I got your play on the famish location, Seoul Korea. The famous location.
That's how you would describe Seoul.

The famous location. Don't you love living in this location?

Well, he was from MASH. Remember when the Olympics were held in that location?

It's the location of MASH. Sure.
Well, yeah, okay. Yeah.

Okay. Yeah, I'm always right.
Okay.

All right. So, buddy, what do you like to plug? Or should I plug first? You plug first.
Okay, I'll plug. I'll plug second.
Okay.

We have the Comedy Bang Bang TV show.

This week we have Fred Armison on the show. That is a great episode.
Fred Fred Armison,

as well as Adam Pally, people who know from Happy Endings, and the closing up the plug bag theme. He says bro at the end of it.
That's right. He does a remix.

And also, what is the new girl? What does Mindy Kaling do? She does. The New Girl Project.

I'm the New Girl Project. Right, yeah.

And who else is on that show? We have Amy Mann on that show and David Allen Greer. It's all very exciting.
Mary Elizabeth Ellis. And we have, it's a great show.
It's a great episode.

Watch that Thursday, 10.30, 9.30 Central on IFC. Didn't you a TV show that you only had me on it one time and never invited me back? You hated being on it.
We talk about that on the DVD commentary.

You murdered a person.

Also, I want to thank Jeff Holm. Jeff Holm, who, by the way,

from Unit 34001, APO09343AE. He's in the Armed Services Overseas.
I want to thank Jeff for... Support our troops.
Support our troops, but he supported this show.

As a matter of fact, he gave $100 to the show. That's so nice of him.
So, Jeff,

it's nice to know our troops have all this disposable.

I know. Why are we paying them so much? Boy, boy.
Let's get those down. You must be nice to be a troop.

Jeff, something special is coming out to you, and thank you for your service. All right, buddy, what do you have to plug?

What day is it? May

I thought it was May 19, but it's actually May 26th. Oh, what do I have to plug? Um, you know, I'm just gonna be making chip cakes under a very tight time schedule.

Um,

and also everyone enjoy the new girl project.

Um, you know what? This has nothing to do with me, but if you want to see this, if you want to see this show called uh variatopia with Paul F. Topkin.
Sounds stupid. It's pretty stupid.

This guy, he runs around like an idiot. This guy.
He's got these famous friends and musical people, and they all do stuff together. And it's who would ever see it?

So if you want to play a trick on a friend of yours, buy him tickets.

Friday, June 13th. Oh,

bad luck to not go to this show.

You really took back the night on that one. Yeah, I did.
Amazing.

Oh, I also want to say TB the D. I want to say the day before, June 12th, Thursday, I'm in Chicago at the AV Club Fest.
Oh,

comedy Bing Bong. Oh, are you going to respond to commenters live? Oh, I hope so.

And

boy, I wish we had some other plugs.

Buddy, what's happening to you?

I forgot to do my last will and testament. Oh, HR, you're welcome back.
You're just in time for plugs. Thank you.
Great timing.

So great. I have a codicil in my will where I do plugs just last round, you know.
Okay. Okay.
So my friend Matt Gorley, he's so great. Chestnut eyes, ruggishly handsome, I guess.

Sad to leave only to miss him. He's in a group called Super Ego.
Oh, that's a great podcast. Yeah, podcast.

And

they have a new web series, animations from their podcast. And the first one is out now.
And it is me, H.R. Giger.
What? You can go to Nerdist to see it. And that is me on my face.

You have to go to Chris Hardwick to see it? You have to go to him and ask permission.

Answer three riddles. Yes, that's right.
And he will withhold a clue and the video. You never see it.
Oh, wow. Yeah.

Well, that's so much fun. And then the Super Ego podcast, when does that come out? That is, well, the rumors have it that they're stirring again and coming back for more.

But there's a backlog as well. There is plenty to listen to, plenty of me on there.
I love those guys. I love comedy in general, light-hearted comedy.

So if people, fans of this show, have never listened to that show, you appear on that show occasionally. Yes, I do.
So come come visit because I'm gone now, sadly.

That is all for my plugs. Do you think Superego won't come back because H.R.
Giger died?

I doubt it.

Hey. What? I'd like to plug something.
Can you hear me? Oh, the Reverend. Hold on.
My friend, I want to let you out for just a little bit. All right.
And then you and me get to our sitcom. Okay.
Okay.

Please hold for my friend.

Holding.

Oh, hello. I'd just like to make a plug.
Oh, certainly. Reverend.
Yes, I'd like to plug prayer.

The concept of prayer. All right.
Goodbye. Okay.
Bye. Okay, that was bullshit.
Oh, my goodness.

I also want to plug Grown-Ups 2. I forgot about that.
Yeah, I was remiss not to.

Look who's talking, too. Anyway, check it out on Red Box.

What's that? Did they make a sequel to Loku's Talking? I think they did. Two or three.

Oh, I got a lot catching up to two.

What were you saying, HR? You can pick up Grown-Ups 2 in a Red Box. Very good.
All right. And now are you leaving again? Back to hell? Yeah, I gotta go.
Okay, see you, HR. Bye now.
Great time.

Welcome back, buddy. Oh, I did not like that.
What is going on around here? Welcome back.

Your dreams were your ticket out.

Welcome back to that shame old place that you laughed about.

Who the thought we need? Well, how did you get here? Just come back for refrains. Got to go.

All right, let's close up the old plug bag.

Let's hear Adam at his finest. Closing up the plug bag.
Mingle, mingle, mingle, mingle, mingle, mingle.

Brow.

All right, guys. That's been a great fun show.
When I say guys, I mean, buddy. I like how you downgraded it from great to fun

always fun always and it was a great show you're like hey you know what it was fun hey you know we have fun at least um i appreciate you coming by buddy always nice to see you it's uh you know what scott it's always nice to see you too because it gives me a break for my hellish existence uh being a slave to cake making all right well back to the kitchen Yeah.

All right. And back to work.
Whatever you're doing, people. We'll see you next time.
Thanks. Bye.

Hi, I'm Jenny Slate, and believe it or not, someone is allowing us to have a podcast. I'm Gabe Leidman, I'm Max Silvestri, and we've been friends for 20 years.

We like to reach out to kind of get advice on how to live our lives. It's called I Need You Guys.
Should I give my baby fresh vegetables? Can I drink the water at the hospital?

My landlord plays the trombone, and I can't ask him to stop. You should make sure that you subscribe so that you never miss an episode.
I need you, girl.

Holiday PSA from DSW. This is a reminder that shoes are a gift, literally.

So unwrap something good, like boots that inspire your next big adventure, or cozy slippers that give you an excuse to stay in, or sneakers that feel like pure joy.

Because shoes aren't just shoes, they're exactly what you wanted. Let us surprise you so you can surprise them.
Find shoes that get you and everyone on your list at prices that get your budget.

At DSWsttores or dsw.com.