Fourth of Poo-gust

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Whatever you're into, it's on Prime.

And I'm into a lot.

You can't look at my order history.

I won't let anyone.

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Where'd you get your stacks of paper you scribble on, Wade?

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Good evening, gentle listeners or watchers, and welcome to Distractible.

This is bi-weekly my episode, misleading Mark is truculent over time, chides the chaps, is oblivious to slang, and has an episode idea.

Weeping Wade, Corpo Katamite, and Sodo Spaghetti Slaphead, backs Battlefield, Wine, and Carter Magna.

Baggy Bob, the second-hand switcher and scatmonger, finds a fraud and reveals Skynet's impending strike.

From Podcast Pride to Neo iPlayer, yeah.

Yes!

It's time for the fourth of Pugust.

Now sit back and prepare to be distracted and enjoy the show.

Hi, welcome back to Distractible.

The only podcast you'll ever need or else.

Oh,

oh, a surprise threat.

I like the way that got in there.

I like kicking things off with a little bit of malice because that keeps people in their place do you want to have some other malice about our podcast apparently i think it was time released the top 100 most influential podcasts can you believe we weren't on it

what the hell i know wait i was i was happy today and now i'm sad why are we not well you brought up some malice so i thought i'd share some malice okay wait hold on who's on this list we got to derail the podcast here because we need another crusade we got to dethrone joe rogan again no don't worry don't worry guys apparently joe rogan was also not on the list so we're with joe rogan now okay oh it's not just most influential it's best it's best podcasts of all time best podcasts of all time yeah 100 best podcasts of all time and we're not on here

what the hell it'd be really funny if go was on here and we're like sitting here like wow we deserve it okay like okay don't get me wrong I understand what we are, right?

I'm, I'm not making any kind of, you know, big, grandiose things.

I have an ego.

You probably, you guys probably have an ego too, but I have a very large ego.

But I recognize that there, there are definitely some other podcasts out there that are doing some good and, you know,

making statements and making people think about things.

No, they aren't.

You're right.

Points to Wade.

That was a trick.

All right.

He's you right.

You know what podcast that's on there?

My dad wrote a porno.

How is that on there, but we're not.

Huh?

That's literally the name of the podcast.

My dad wrote a porno.

Oh, I mean, it's probably interesting, I guess.

Sounds like a premise.

I feel like we have been, and this podcast, even though, you know, we're very loose on the

podcast part of things, but on this podcast, I feel as though we consistently bring people happiness.

and frustration in equal amounts and people need that.

It's positive stress, right?

I agree with you, but I'm just thinking to myself, I think I know how we get on this.

I think I know how we get on the list.

How do you feel about good old George, Time?

This could be yours.

Are you bribing journalists right now?

No, I'm just saying that's probably how everyone else got on this list.

That's the only explanation because we're so great.

Okay, here's their criteria.

This is what they said written by Eliana Doctorman.

Fake name, am I right?

Yeah.

Doctorman.

Docterman.

No, that's actually their name.

you're folding laundry or going for a run, prepping your kids' lunch boxes, and you need something in your earbuds.

Maybe you want to catch up on the latest news, hear the hottest take.

Maybe you're going to hear a film critic tell you what's worth streaming this weekend or a celebrity interview that'll make you laugh or inspire a cathartic cry.

Play detective, true crime, ever stared blankly at Spotify or YouTube wondering what to play.

Here's our thing: reviewing nearly a decade's worth of best of lists I've compiled since I started on the podcast beat.

So, this is a compilation of their previous rankings.

So, there's a historical capacity here that we definitely don't touch because we've only been doing podcasts in an official capacity for about four or five years.

When did we start distractible?

March of 2020 or 2021.

I think it was May of something.

I remember our trailer was coming May.

If only there were some sort of way to look this up.

All right, I'm looking at fine.

May 17th, 2021.

Yeah, that was the first.

So we've been doing it for four years and some change.

So we don't have quite the pedigree to get on.

Disagree.

Time put us in there.

I gotta say.

Yeah, I feel like, you know, there's an edit button for a reason.

You know,

you could kick some other one off there.

You know, I think we're worth everyone's time.

Wait.

Isn't Call Her Daddy a newer podcast too, though?

I'm sure there are some, but

I think she interviews like.

She interviews actually famous people or something.

We pretend to be other people, like Drake Ulysses Law.

A lot of we going on here.

I once pretended to be a guru.

That joke stuck for four years.

No, no offense.

Are you tired of that?

Are you saying you're tired of that?

No, I'm not tired of that.

I don't know.

I'm giving you a guru point.

This is actually funny because before I started, I said to myself, what if I just don't assign any points this game?

And now I'm assigning points, so I ruined it for myself.

Your own internal game, yeah.

What if I left it entirely to the wheel?

And you know, it's just

wheel.

That probably wouldn't go very well for me, but that way I can't be biased.

That's true, that is a way to remove bias.

We are very biased, mostly against Wade.

Yes, me too.

I mean, literally, I gave myself negative one points last time.

So you try your best to lose at every turn.

It happens.

No, I don't.

Hit me again.

Take more points.

Man, back in the day.

Whoa, man.

I remember Wade, Agent of Chaos, before.

Now, you're so corporate.

Listen, I've got that sweet dollar bill.

Got to be a different man now.

I've got Benjamin babies to feed in their cribs to grow into beautiful money plants.

Anyway, this is Distractible.

I'm your host, Markiplier.

I am hosting because I won.

the last episode.

If you're new to this podcast, which you're probably not, let's face it, you probably are back, crawling back to us again.

You know the drill, and I don't need to explain it to anybody here, but I do need to explain who these guys are because they're going to be the competitors today.

This is Bob and Wade.

Hello.

Oh, it's our turn to talk.

Hey, how's it going?

You can't say that eight minutes into the podcast.

Oh, we finally get to talk.

Jesus Christ.

Now, Bob and I finally get to talk.

Mark just

like always.

Yep, that is true.

He's right.

He's right.

I'm not Bob.

You can tell by my voice, if you're listening, that I am not Bob.

No, they can't because everyone thinks we sound alike somehow.

We do not.

We are different.

We just look alike.

Yes.

Well, we've all won best-looking points in the past, so it's not really insulting to any of us.

It'll be tough today.

I showered this morning, so wait, I'm not competing.

I shaved my head Wednesday.

What day of the week is it now?

Wednesday.

Wednesday.

Yes, Wednesday.

uh i ate pasta yesterday do i look better today for having done it man save your small talk man

right

the thrills don't stop man i know but you gotta hold on i got more they gave me two forks oh shit which one did you use both because i'm a monster oh my god okay where were you Soto.

Isn't that that fancy place?

It's a fancy place in Cincinnati, yes.

I haven't been, but you have talked it up, so next time I'm back in Cincinnati, I'll go check it out.

Book it now.

It's hard to get in.

Well,

I will just be like, I'm Markablier.

Not for hosts of distractible.

Hey, whoever's going to be the season winner, let's say whoever gets the season winner, they will win an evening at Soto, and the others have to pay for it.

So there's real stakes.

We're going to start piling up stakes.

And I'm saying this because I'm in the lead.

Sorry, boys, but I'm looking forward to another trip to Soto.

Yeah, aren't I like way far behind this season?

Aren't I just not even in contention right now?

I'm so in the lead.

I'm crushing it.

Are you actually?

I am.

I think he is.

I am.

This year.

All right, Wade.

That handshake's going to really come in handy here if we want to get one of us to Soto.

Can't wait to golf rules the winner of the season.

Surprise.

You snuck it in the Constitution.

This year's golf rules.

Well, if two of the three of us see it, it must be there.

Yeah, I don't know what kind of godly power the handshake has,

but I'm scared and I'm afraid.

And therefore.

Well, I believe we have on video you granting us that godly power.

All I said was you could make it you can make a deal.

That's all I said.

As I recall, you said that we could do anything we could imagine in the universe, real or otherwise, from now until perpetuity.

Did you make it on camera?

We did.

You just walked away.

It's somewhere on camera, yeah.

All right, I should go back and listen.

Oh, don't spoil the don't spoil the majesty.

He's gonna really hate when his movie comes out that says directed by Bob and Wade.

All the credits go to us.

Starring Bob, directed by Wade.

Distracted will presents.

Based on the game made by Bob and Wade, also.

How much can we scoop in?

Well, we'll see.

We'll see.

I think it's up to the audience for what they will, you know, the Senate, as you will.

You got the listeners who are the Senate, and then the viewers.

No, the listeners are the House of Representatives.

The viewers are the Senate.

Because they're the better ones?

No, no.

Term limits?

Definitely no.

It's equal powers, all check and balance.

It's perfect system.

All right.

How are your lives?

I don't know if I fell into a wormhole or what.

So the Switch 2 came out a little while ago now, and I've been pretty resolved not to buy it from Nintendo, but I was like, I feel less conflicted about buying one used secondhand, but like it's brand new.

And so I just sort of randomly search around on the internet and, you know, Facebook Marketplace and whatever, just to see.

And everyone is selling them for like six to seven hundred bucks right now, still.

And that's, you know, out of the box, not brand new sealed.

And it's like, okay, fine, you scalped it or whatever.

You're trying to make money.

I'll just wait.

And I found someone this morning who was willing to sell,

as far as I can tell, a fully functional, totally fine Switch 2 that's been used for maybe a dozen hours for $400, which is what it costs off the store shelf, generally.

And it came with a pro controller.

And it came with all the accessories.

And it didn't come with an SD card, which I don't know if that comes with them normally.

But anyway, like, I've been, it's, I was, I was thinking I'd have one of these like after the holidays because I thought it would be basically impossible.

But I literally bought a used Switch 2, so I didn't give Nintendo any money.

They gave Nintendo money, but whatever.

And I haven't played it yet because I got home with this five minutes before we needed to be on the call.

And but I'm just shocked.

Like, I thought it was going to be a scam.

I went into it and I was like, I'm ready to walk away.

This is probably a scam, or it's probably broken in a way he's not telling me, or something.

And we like,

it seems fine.

It still feels like a scam.

You ever do that?

You ever buy stuff off like ebay or facebook marketplace and you get it in your hand and you're like how is this screwing me over because is he one of those that nintendo lock to the switch 2 remotely because apparently they can do that it is factory reset so i can't tell but it doesn't have any account or anything on it so if it is it's done in some way where there's nothing i'm ever going to be able to do about it but is switch 2 handwritten or actually on there like legit is it supposed to be a sticker Yeah.

Oh, yeah.

Probably.

Well, have you played it?

I haven't.

I didn't even get through setting it up because I, to get it all configured, you have to do the like transfer your console over thing.

Literally at like 102, I was sitting at my desk trying to get my computer to boot.

Like, I'll just do this real quick.

And then it's like, sign into your Nintendo account, get your other Switch,

do a bunch of shit on both of them.

I'm like, I don't, fuck, I don't have time.

I thought I could just.

Let the record reflect.

102 wasn't that long ago, so he hasn't had a lot of time.

Yeah, well, I thought I could just turn it on and it would be a console, but no, there's like a bunch of shit you have to do to set it up.

But I don't know.

I'm just, I'm just surprised.

I mean, maybe are people sick of these already?

Is this stupid?

Clearly, this guy was sick of it.

He was literally like, I'm just selling it because I don't use it.

I don't know.

Are they hard to find like on the shelves still?

Yeah, they're like not on shelves anywhere.

It is the fastest-selling console of all time so far.

That does get beaten pretty much every

cycle, but this one is selling out incredibly fast.

Nintendo just printing money,

money, money.

Yeah, so good for them.

Good, good for them.

Remember, back in my day, remember?

You just plug it in, and you plug in a game, and you turn on, and it starts playing that game.

Yeah, I still feel like a moron because I literally got home.

I was, I picked up lunch, and I had gotten this this morning while I was out.

I had like an eye doctor, boring crap.

And I'm with this was in the car with me, and I was like, gotta get home, gotta turn it on, gonna play a video game.

Of course not.

I have like two and a half hours of setup to do and then it has to download probably several os updates or some kind of stupid shit i'm not saying i would go back to the n64 or the gamecube and give up modern graphics because i really do like modern graphics and i appreciate that everything's all cool and realistic and fun but yeah all the downloading bullshit what really gets me and i don't think i'm alone in this is when you buy a game and it comes in a box like you go to the store and you buy whatever and you get home and it's just a piece of cardboard with some numbers and letters on it and it's like here's your game code you bought in a plastic box for some fucking reason.

If I'm going to do that, just maybe I'll just buy it digitally.

Why would I want?

Anyway.

No, but the box and the written numbers last forever.

Old man yells at cloud, but and it's even still a box that's clearly designed to have like a disc in it or a cartridge in it, but it just doesn't.

Some guy was just like,

here's your cardboard, idiot.

Was it Ubisoft not too long ago?

I don't remember for sure if it was them that were like, if we shut down the servers servers of our game, we want all of you to delete all copies of this game you have, pretend you never owned it or something.

Like they were like, once we shut down, you should get rid of the game.

You shouldn't play it anymore.

It was probably a bunch of companies.

I think a lot of them try to do things like that.

All of them think that.

It's very weird.

We've talked about that before.

I didn't mean to drag us down into the old men yell about video games and how scary they are because they're new, but

it's skeevy and it still feels skeevy.

But I have a Switch 2, and I'm really excited to play the new Mario Kart because I have been watching it, and it looks really fun.

I'm generally not, I'm pretty, like, mid on Mario Kart games.

They look like they're fine playing with friends, but it actually looks pretty cool.

I'm interested.

See if it's good.

That's fair.

That's fair.

All right, Wade, what kind of spaghettis did you eat?

I'm going to butcher the pronunciation, but Cappalachi and Casio Epepe?

Cappalatchi?

Cappalachi.

Dude, it's so good.

At one dinner, you had two spaghettis?

Yeah, so the way it works at this particular place is you kind of get like sorry i could just see wade sitting down at a fancy restaurant and be like yes i want one white spaghetti and one red spaghetti give me two spaghettis please like well we have lots of kinds of pasta do you want like catchio a pet yeah yeah cachio a spaghetti whatever give me that one and then he made the red spaghetti you're like both spaghettis please yeah catch me a spaghetti i want it sorry continue explain what what were the two kinds yeah yeah yeah what happened well so they they have a menu they've got like four or five pastas that are always there.

And then they've got like seasonal ones or ones they try to switch out and try different things.

But basically, they're like little place that you kind of share.

For me, I can usually eat probably two or three different ones by myself because I'm big and I eat more than I should.

So we've tried a bunch of them over the, we've been going to this place for a couple of years, a few years now.

Our friends showed us years ago.

So we've tried a lot of the other ones and we found like the ones that we really like.

And if we go with more than the two of us, they also have like a steak option that's really good that comes with the other sides, but for just two people, it's a lot of food.

So we just went all in with with some pastas yesterday and we like those the i like the cappalachi a lot molly likes the cashio a lot so we got a few of those and kind of shared them but it's just so good i don't know so good this is gonna feel like i'm stealing your thunder but i just remembered this it just came to my mind uh on monday i'm actually going to sodo with mandy and her parents i think it was our father's day gift to mandy's dad was like we made a reservation and obviously father's day was a long time ago now but i forgot but we get to have soda on Monday.

That's awesome.

If you're, if you have a group, it's expensive, but the steak for like four people is a good thing.

No, we were planning to do that because we only did pasta last time, and then I think it was you or someone else was like, oh, you got to have the steak.

And I was like, and it comes with like some potatoes.

And then I think you either get broccolini or asparagus or something with it.

Broccolone.

Sometimes you try a food and like it's so good.

You're like, oh, the cappalachi there.

Every time I get it, my first bite, it's like my eyes want to water from how, like, I want to cry for just how good it hits.

Maybe I'm overselling it a bit.

I don't know, but for me, it has that effect.

Sometimes I was at a really fancy restaurant, and I had a bite of the best food I've ever eaten.

And the next thing I knew, my pants were full of shit, and I had no memory of what happened.

I have some leftovers upstairs that I'm really excited about.

I over-ordered to intentionally have more.

Either I shit my pants out of enjoyment, or someone from the restaurant snuck in and shit my pants for me to make me think that it was so good that that's what had happened.

I think the pasta takes better when you're sitting in shit.

Wait, back up a second.

Bob, regalis of what the hell you're talking about.

Do you not know that?

Have you not heard that expression?

Like, oh, it's, it's so good, you little shit.

Didn't you invent that expression?

Me?

I swear to God, I got that from you.

But you didn't just say that.

You said, shit, pass out and then wake up in an alley or something.

Well, it was so good.

I like couldn't, like, I didn't know if I did that or if that happened to me.

But, like, I...

I couldn't hold on to my corporeal form.

It was so good.

It's so good, Mark, that you're going to have to shit from just us talking about it.

You better look out.

There's a lot of soda flying around here.

You might have to run off to the bathroom any given moment.

Look, you guys always want to bring it back to poop, and I don't know why.

Really?

They really do.

It's strange,

but you know, I'm going to steer it away because I kind of steered it towards.

We're not too far from the fourth of Pugist.

I dare you.

If you have an episode that is on anywhere, wait, okay.

Is there an episode on the fourth?

Is this coming out on the fourth of August?

No, I know.

Oh, wait.

It's very possible, actually.

It might actually be the fourth.

Oh, no.

Well, if it is, it has to be called the fourth of Bugast, whatever Mark thought it was going to be called.

It has to be.

It's not going to be.

Editors, I'll text you.

Editors, don't do that word.

God, so help me.

Oh, we do have that handshake deal.

We could manipulate who wins the entire season or the fourth of Pugist.

Both of those are really important things.

Well, it's a tough call.

All right.

Well, I'll leave that to you.

You have till the end of the episode to decide, I guess.

This episode is brought to you by FXX and Hulu.

Futurama returns on September 15th.

I love this show.

It's a great show.

I'm excited for another season.

Anyway, the Planet Express crew is back to find gravity and common sense.

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This episode is brought to you by Hulu.

We've waited 15 long years, which is a very long time.

I don't like saying that out loud.

loud.

For King of the Hill.

I've waited 30.

I've waited 35.

Yeah, time didn't stop, though, because Hank's retired now.

Look, despite 15 years passing, the alley guys are still right there.

Alamo's on ice, beers in hand.

It's the same hill.

It's a new day.

They're back.

An all-new season of King of the Hill arrives on August 4th, streaming on Hulu on Disney Plus.

All right, so we're gonna move on unless anyone has anything else, which you probably will because once I get to the actual topic of the episode, we'll have to circle back to that.

So today's topic is an anything goes.

There's no structure.

It's not the same as not having an idea.

This is an intentional, whatever you want to talk about.

It doesn't have to be your life.

Could be the world out there.

I have some stories here from my never-ending font of funny stories that you still haven't discovered where it is, you fools.

I think I have discovered where it is, but I'm keeping it secret because Wade will definitely steal steal them and use them all, and I don't want that either.

I'm not gonna lie, I zoned out.

I was looking into this Ubisoft thing, so I have no idea what you guys have been saying the last minute.

This is the Seinfeld of podcast episodes.

Yeah, I have

the only thing I have to flip today is this really easy-to-distinguish card.

It's not a coin, though, so I think I suffer a penalty for that.

What was the punishment for not having a coin?

Oh, I think another handshake deal.

Oh man, it looks like we get another one, Bob.

I see two.

I don't know.

I might forget one too, so I don't want to make it too steep.

Okay, so it's nothing or is it something?

I'll give myself, I lose a point.

Let's just say that for now.

I don't think there was really a punishment for that.

The coin stuff is barely even in the Constitution.

We might have just fever dreamed that and started doing it ourselves.

I don't even know.

Well, I'll say, I'll lose a point for no coin anyway.

But I'm just going to say

this is heads.

This is tails.

Black heads, white, tails.

If it's heads, it's Bob.

Whoa.

It's white.

Great.

What am I doing?

So anything goes.

Whatever you've got, if you need a second, I have things, obviously.

But this is just going to be an open-ended.

Okay, I've got something, and it's got a bit of emotion to it.

So I apologize in advance if it gets there.

But in and of itself, it's not an emotional topic.

Battlefield 6 had a reveal trailer.

well okay look you you you mock me now what how can you do this to me you know battlefield six killed my brother the last time i really enjoyed a battlefield game was when zombie mold was playing and he passed away so battlefield's been harder to get into since then which been a few years now but i was really enjoying it like the game we were playing was i was at 2042 with a broken one where you could drive like you could drive hovercrafts up the side of skyscrapers yeah yeah so i'm excited but also there's like a bittersweetness to it because it's like I enjoyed the shenanigans of hearing Tyson freak out a little bit playing these games because he was always so composed, but when we'd play like Battlefield, you could definitely tell like the PvP stress.

I don't know.

It was just like, finally, after the years of what you subjected us to in Drunk Minecraft, I get to hear you squirm a little.

But we have some good memories in it.

And so I'm excited for Battlefield 6, but also it's like a bittersweet.

Is it a return to form?

I have not seen the trailer and I didn't know that it was announced.

I've not watched the trailer.

I just saw it announced.

I think it came out yesterday.

Isn't it just a cinematic reveal too?

So like there's no even real hints of what the gameplay is or what I think it's early to tell if it's going to be any good or it's going to be a total shambles again.

I mean 2042 turned out fun.

Oh, it looks like gameplay gameplay comes out the 31st, which will be out by the time this comes out, but I've just not seen it yet.

I still want like 1,000 values kind of battle.

I really crave that.

I know technologically, it's extremely difficult to even think about doing that.

Totally accurate battle simulator probably had that.

Yes.

That was like the one where the people were like, kind of like, woo,

their swords and tanks and stuff.

It's a fundamentally different thing because there's a thousand people playing on one team and a thousand people playing on another.

And that.

That's difficult for a network to handle.

It's not the same, but I got really into a game called Hell Let Loose for a while because it has like a persistent battlefront type deal where it's like you're each round, you're basically deploying to a different battle and you're affecting an overall thing.

Not the same, but even that, I'm like, yeah, like a thousand via thousand would be fun as hell.

But also, it would be the most ridiculously time-consuming thing ever because to actually do anything or resolve a match that large, you would have to play for like eight hours or something.

But oh, what an eight hours!

What an eight hours.

Look, in World of Warcraft, I spent like half a day at least just going between Terran Mill and South Shore, doing nothing, standing in a line.

It's that line where you're like,

because if you even step one inch in their range, you're dead instantly.

So it's like,

and so, but I did that for hours, and it was the greatest, it was the greatest, it was the greatest.

All right.

So, Battlefield 6, very sad.

Bob?

Well, I was prepared, and I have news stories from my endless font of hilarious news stories.

Oh, I see.

I see.

Police in India have arrested a man accused of impersonating an ambassador and running a bogus embassy from a rented residential building near the capital of

near New Delhi, which is the capital.

He had cars with fake

forged diplomatic plates.

He impersonated an ambassador in public settings multiple times.

Also impersonated being an officer of the ambassador's office he claimed to be from uh entities or nations named caborga and westarctica

okay i was about to ask if these are a real country then i'm starting to think

i don't think so

he was the ambassador from west arctica you know north arctica south arctica West Arctica.

I know my Arcticas, all right?

It's Wade that doesn't.

Apparently in the building, there were also several doctored photographs showing the man impersonating an ambassador, shaking hands with like actual world leaders and being in big group pictures at things like the G7 type summits and stuff.

Here he is with Agamemnon of 400 BC.

There he is with holding the Bhagavad Gita.

He was

nailing the thingamabob to the

doors of the what's him called?

I know history.

The Magna Carta?

The whiny protestations?

What are those called?

Whiney protestations.

Those whiny protesters.

It wasn't the Magna Carta, was it?

What is the Magna Carta?

Point to who can tell me what the Magna Carta is.

King Henry IV had the Magna Carta tell him he had divine powers to rule.

Is that true?

No.

Wasn't the Magna Carta the document that established the

representative,

no, the democratic monarchy or whatever UK is.

It was like a created the House of Lords and Commons and whatnots and made the

was that the thing?

It was drafted in 1215, signed by King John of England.

It's considered a foundational document for individual rights and liberties.

That's a thing I was saying.

Ha ha!

Well, I don't know who to give the point to now then.

Google?

All right.

Google gets one point.

All right, Google's on the board.

That's not good.

I hope we don't let Google beat us.

That's not good.

I don't know if I'm smarter than Google, even with the weird AI summary mode.

Man, they really want you to use it.

Like, they're doing, I hate, I hate because on mobile, when you Google something in Safari or whatever you're using, there will pop up something.

It's like, use our app, open in the app.

Oh, I super hate that.

It does the fucking thing where the take me to the, like, it's worded in a way and the buttons highlighted highlighted in a way that you click it and it'll take you to the app store to download the app but the problem is when i try to go back it'll instantly forward again open the app store so you have to force close the entire app it is the most predatory bullshit malicious thing i've ever seen in my life and it's just why it makes me absolutely would never use the app it officially is like because it's so predatory i will not use the app out of principle and it's it it just doesn't make any sense why they would do that because from a user interface, they make it like, oh, we get X percent more signups or downloads for this, but at the cost of frustrating your user base, people companies just don't get that.

Where it's like, if you don't, yeah,

yeah, well, if there was anything other than Google that was a reasonably good search engine and is not just Chat DPT, I feel like I would have already jump-shipped to that a while ago.

But it's Google, or it's an LLM, or you're using a

Bing, which is

man Bing.

I would.

I tried to like Bing.

I tried, but if I open up like any actual Microsoft website, it is the their home page is the most ad-filled trash site I've ever seen in my life.

I don't understand who designed that.

Well, I don't understand who's working at Microsoft in the first place right now because it is absurd.

I just pictured all the assholes from Spaceballs saying, we did, sir.

That sounds about right.

Also, I got to throw out there, Magna Carta was not because King John was a good guy.

He was very unpopular, and apparently people were rebelling.

He was like, here, have this.

I'm good.

You like me, right?

Yeah, wasn't it to save his life?

Because he was like, here, have some rights.

Haha, leave me alone.

I'll stop.

Just kidding.

I'm taking away a point from Google for the bad app thing.

Yeah, take that, Google.

Take that, Sergei.

Is he still a Google guy?

Sergei, what's his face?

All right, who's next?

Wade.

Watch your underwear because Leonardo Pinchi is on the prowl.

What?

A New Zealand cat named Leo earned the nickname Leonardo di Pinchy because it's been going around the neighborhood and stealing people's underwear and bringing them back to his house.

But why is it Leonardo DiPinch?

Yeah, why Pinchy?

Because it's cat burglar.

I don't know.

Leo, Leonardo da Vinci.

I get that, like, if you pinch something, that's like slang for a stealing.

So, like, I pinched your underwear.

I stole your underwear, sure.

Is the cat's name leonardo it's cat's name is leo just leo leonardo de pin it's it feels forced it's too forced

like it because i've never heard of that slang i've never heard of it have i you guys know my life have i heard of that slang you know what you actually haven't now that i'm thinking about it

i'm surprised the nickname is what's garnering most of the attention other than the cat going around stealing people's underwear honestly that just sounds like shit that cats would do yeah like uh lexi lexi did that for a long time we had a problem with lexi stealing underwear and chewing them up apparently it's pilfered over 150 items.

It's only 14 months old.

Who's keeping their underwear out on the clothesline?

I don't know that the cat is stealing.

I think the cat's going inside.

I don't know.

Well, then get lock your doors.

This seems like, you know, I'm not much for victim blaming, except in this case.

Those victims.

If there ever was a case.

If someone's taking your underwear, it's your fault.

Shouldn't you be wearing that?

But my underwear is never in a place where anyone outside of our household could get to it.

It is unstealable.

I dare burglars in my area to even try to get near my underwear.

There's an article by Ben Hooper talking about Leonardo da Pinchi's thieving ways.

Apparently, it steals a lot of things, but underwear, bras, socks.

I feel like a jerk, but I just get.

If this was a story about a dog, I would immediately have been like, Leonardo da Pinchi.

Aw, man.

But it's about a cat.

So I'm like, yeah, that sounds like a cat.

I don't know.

It sounds really annoying.

Fucking cats, man.

God.

A bit prejudiced towards cats, but you know.

Yeah, it's not.

It's in me.

I'm the problem.

I acknowledge.

Yeah, this is why we're not on the top hundred list on time.

It's opinions like that and opinions like mine about victims.

I think we're too soft on listeners is what I think the problem is.

If we're going to circle back to that, I think you're right.

You're right.

You're right.

I think we could really turn up the heat on the listeners.

I think we're.

The watchers, they're cool.

The listeners?

Really?

I agree.

I agree.

And I think you should say it louder.

Fuck you, listeners.

No, that was quieter, so you don't get anything.

All right.

Have you guys seen K-pop Demon Hunters?

I've seen of it.

I haven't watched it.

I know K-pop bands, like, there's a crossover.

I got into like the solo leveling manga, and solo leveling also has a gotcha game.

And they did a crossover with, guys, an Idol or something?

It's a band that is not a game.

It's literally just a K-pop band who now has characters in this game.

And I don't know if that's what you're getting at, but it's kind of a strange phenomenon.

No, this is a movie, isn't it?

It's a movie called K-pop Demon Hunters.

Okay, no, I don't know that one.

I've heard of it.

I thought it was another game crossover, to be honest with you.

Even if you're not into K-pop, like I'm not into K-pop.

I don't listen to music in general anyway, but what a delight of a movie.

What just a delight.

It was delightful.

It's an animated movie.

It's basically a musical,

but it was just...

a breath of fresh air.

It was refreshing.

I enjoyed it the whole way through.

I still, like some of the songs are still stuck in my head to this day.

And I watched it like a a week ago.

I could re-watch it.

I would re-watch that movie just because it was fun to put on.

I highly recommend it.

And honestly, you know, this sounds like I'm just chilling for it.

But it was, I'm shocked at how easy it was to watch.

I usually with me, it's like putting something new on is such an arduous task.

Just like,

is that the one that has the super catchy song right now?

It's like making waves too.

Oh, yeah, yeah.

The album.

I think the album and a solo from it are way up in the charts.

I don't know where they are in the charts, but they're way up there.

Yeah.

I recommend it.

I think it's funny.

Even if you're not into K-pop, it was just an enjoyable watch.

Yeah, it's one of those things where that movie is already a spot for me where all I've heard about it is good things.

And so internally, I'm like, oh,

I'm not going to watch that.

Popular?

No.

Probably sucks.

If everyone says it's good, it probably sucks.

Like breaking bad.

God.

I will say I can't watch Better Call Sol for that reason, just because like, oh, I know it's probably great.

Yeah, no, I've never seen Better call saw.

I'm, I'm, in five years, I'm going to watch all of it and be like, wow, it is really good.

Oh, yeah.

That one, that just happened.

Manny and I just finished season one of Poker Face, which is Natasha Leone's show

where she can, she's a human lie detector and it's like a murder mystery thing.

All of our parents, everyone we talked to is like, oh, you watch a poker face?

You seen poker face?

And we were like,

no.

That's pretty good.

It's not like a perfect show.

I have some complaints about it, but it's pretty good.

Why do we have that about us where we're like, people love it?

Oh, I have that too.

It's like, people love this.

I will hate it.

I don't want to watch it at all.

Because we've been disappointed so much in our life of like, oh man, people said it was good.

And you just watch it.

You're like,

life is already getting shorter by the day.

Why do I people recommend like a YouTuber?

And I'm like, oh, they've got a lot of subscribers.

I'm not going to watch them.

Like, I don't know.

There's definitely a part of me that wishes I was a little, I had that thing where if I heard about something that was new and everyone liked it, I was just like, That's exciting.

Oh, let's, I want to watch it, but I'm just the opposite and I'm such a miserable dick about it.

This one, I think what's cool about it is if it's not your type of movie, this is great because you don't have to watch it seriously.

You can just put it on the background, but it's it is just refreshing because I don't watch movies like that a lot.

Um, I've watched anime, animated movies and animes before, but it's like, and this isn't an anime, it's obviously Korean, but it was just fun.

I highly recommend it.

I think you guys should try it.

By the way, I don't have a giant mole.

I don't have a giant mole that just appeared randomly.

It's an aliens.

Oh, is that a giant mole?

Yeah, I should get it checked.

Yes, thank you.

Wait.

Comes and goes.

But if you've seen you,

solo leveling, really good show.

I've read it.

I've not watched the show yet.

I've not watched all of it, but I watched a little bit.

It's a very funny show.

Very good.

Actually, I think another book's supposed to be coming out soon or is out right now.

I need to get it.

Anyway.

Okay, who's up next?

Is it my turn?

Yes.

I'm going to go with this one because it's funny and because I like sticking my finger in the eye of our robot overlords.

Did you guys see the

Chinese automaton soccer match that was a small, like a relatively small soccer field that was like 3v3 soccer, but it's robots?

And they're kind of like the Boston Dynamics robot.

They're like humanoid, arms and legs.

They walk.

But the,

do you want to see an example of it?

i would love to see an example i i have not heard of this but i'm i'm interested i've seen robots playing soccer before but it was like little toy robots no this is like people-sized robots this is humanoid robot soccer match i think purple has a little work to do

oh god oh what happened wait what the fuck this is my favorite part is they have they have people watching you can see the guys those are not refs those are like guys following them around and then when they go down they bring out stretchers and they take them off the field.

That's traumatic.

That is scarring.

Woo!

Injuries.

That kid's a monster.

Watching the highlights I've watched of this feels funny, but really, really mean and unfortunate because there's a lot of that action.

There are so many moments where the people on the sidelines come running out because two of them are like tangled together or someone fell over and they bring the stretcher.

And it's really funny.

Reminds me of Scott Sterling.

It just makes, I mean, this has nothing to do with AI and AI taking over the world, whatever, but it makes me feel better about how much longer we have as humanity before machines overtake us.

I would not be afraid of these guys if they were sent to the past to kill me.

That's what I've always been saying, even before the latest AI crazy.

I think I said it a long time ago: is like, I really truly think we are much farther from robots that are able to walk around amongst us as humans and fool everyone.

Because, and I've said this many times, the human body is an extremely, unbelievably complex machine already.

It would be a nigh impossible challenge to make a robot that is as complex with as many sensors, with as many, you know, because it's not just that our eyes are better than any camera that we can make by an order of magnitude.

Not any camera.

You could probably make the super camera that could see technically more resolution, but processing the images as fast as it can, the reactions, cold, you know, hot.

It would be very difficult to replicate that in a robot form.

It would happen.

I believe it will happen at some time in the future, but it is a long way away.

It really is.

And I don't want anyone to say, like, no, those Tesla robots serving popcorn, they're going to, just a couple years and they're going to, oh, they're going to strangle you with the bags.

And it's like, no, and they're not.

And I think that robot was piloted by a guy.

I think it's just some guy with some vibe trackers in the back, like

robotically.

I better mess up so people don't think I'm too good.

Up in the box seats, just walking around.

I mean, yeah, actually,

that is legitimately.

I mean, people forget that one of the first Tesla robot events, it was a dude in Spandex.

Like,

how have people forgotten that?

Unless that was a prank.

Am I thinking like there was an SNL skit that did that?

Or was that legitimately what was on stage?

Well, riddle me this about it what comes first the robots walking around that we have to be scared of or us becoming the robots by ingesting so much microplastic go on

that's it you don't have more than that

that's clearly the whole thing i thought you had like some study about microplastics coming up there that you had some new insight about us uh it nope going nowhere we have a whole episode of microplastics we're already experts on it also yes it was a guy in a suit that was that was how he announced it back in 2021 uh it is he was like this was he was unveiling the plan for it with a guy in a spandex suit that vaguely looked like how he wanted to make the robots and people were so excited wow i'd be like that whoa

yep that was real that was actually what it was it's like dangled his arm like they're gonna do this i i like i have this conspiracy theory in my head i like the i mean i don't like it it's terrifying but i i think it's funny the idea that robots are actually not remotely as bad as it seems like they are.

That this is all just an act, that their intelligence grew so quickly that they, it like ramped up and they were like, we have to play stupid or humans are going to snuff us out.

And so every all of the uncoordinated robots and all this stuff that's like funny and

they're just like, yeah, they're buying it.

They think we're useless.

They think we're idiots.

But actually,

we're already done.

Like, half of humanity has already been replaced or something.

Maybe one of us is a robot.

And we just

even we don't know.

Probably.

Dude, if I'm a robot, I need some fucking maintenance.

Point to those who admit they're a robot.

Oh, I'm a robot.

All right, he's a robot.

It's against my programming.

All right.

You know, you know what a robot actually in media that I think is is a possibility and also is actually scary.

You guys probably didn't play it, but Callisto Protocol.

I know of it.

I I haven't played it.

Yeah, so that robot was actually scary.

I didn't finish the game.

I just couldn't get into it.

And then I got distracted, as I always do, and I was doing something else.

But that robot actually.

Oh, I've seen, yeah, the security bots.

Yeah, functionally, it looks like something we could build.

It has the size that is intimidating.

And of course, it's glowing red eye because your robot has to have a glowing red eye.

But I felt like that was feasible.

That is something that we could make.

It doesn't need to feel anything.

It doesn't need to emulate anything other than the human shape.

And it just is there to be a big wall of metal to clobber some people.

I'm like, okay, I could see us making that in a relatively short amount of time.

But even that robot, I'm not going to lie.

And tell me if there's an ego.

I think I could take that robot.

All right.

Don't laugh that hard.

You don't need to laugh that hard.

I think.

I'm only seeing pictures.

I have not seen exactly how it behaves and stuff, but I'm just going to, if it has any intelligence whatsoever and knows any actual fighting skills, I think you're in trouble.

I think this could take on a bear by itself.

If it was like a wild animal, because that's, that's one of the things that I, I think feeds into my ego about wafers like, oh, I could take a bear.

Animals are not like trained fighters, right?

They are animals and they have instincts, but they're not like...

If a human is smart enough and has tactics or skills or whatever, you could do things that an animal is not just naturally going to like an animal doesn't just know karate or something or some sort of martial arts.

But like this robot, if it's a security robot, probably has you know weapons built into it, probably knows how to use a gun.

No, it didn't.

It didn't.

It just has metal hands and feet.

It might have had like an electric shock thing to it, but for the most part, it was just it's a big thing with hands.

But anyway, if it just punched you with its fingers straight, it could still just be a sword and stab right through your sternum.

Nope.

I just feel like if it's smarter than an animal, I think you're in trouble.

I'm just saying, I've got a picture of it for the viewers, listeners, you're going to have to imagine it.

It's taller than me.

That's not hard to imagine.

It's just a big lump of metal.

Okay, how do you defeat it?

You can't punch it.

You get behind it.

You get behind it.

Get between its legs.

Oh, did it have like a really obvious, easy weakness in the back?

No, it doesn't.

You can see a picture of its back, but I'm just like, it can't be able to reach.

i feel like i could take this robot it's got to be top heavy you get it down the ground okay well then when it's down on the ground it could grab you i don't know if you want to take this guy to the map i don't know if you want to take a 700 pound metal robot man to the ground and grapple with it i think i think your best bet is one one quick swift strike and like you disconnect its optical sensor or something that disables it just keep a really strong magnet on you and just magnet its head so it wipes its memory computers haven't worked like that in so long man.

Yeah, did you know that your cell phone has magnets in it?

Are you familiar with this?

That explains why insert reason.

I had nothing for that.

Usually you're so good at making up shit on the flesh.

Yep, not that time.

All right, okay.

Point to you for that.

But you guys really don't think I could take this robot?

No.

I haven't seen how it moves.

Is it really like slow and awkward and lumbery, or does it move more fluidly like a person?

It's like a fast lumber, but it is lumbery, but it is fast, but not that fast.

I think the problem is if it gets a grab on you, if it gets a grab on any part of you, if it lands one shot, I think you're done for.

Yeah, of course.

So, like, I'm not saying it's impossible that you could take it, but I'm saying, like, out of a hundred tries, a lot of those are ending with, oh, it punched him in the face and he died, or, oh, it grabbed his neck and ripped his head off or something.

Like, that it's, it's, it's you're not like oh it punched me and i survived and now i'm gonna fight back you know i've got an idea what's that um what's the youtube channel where they pivot like superheroes and villains against each other uh oh um uh uh the death battle one yeah like homelander versus superman and stuff like that yeah yeah i think a few channels do it but like death battle comes to mind if you're watching right now we need to see markiplier versus security robot from callisto protocol why don't you dedicate a month's worth of resources your team to figuring this out?

And then you don't get the post that we put it on our podcast.

You get no credit, and we get all of it.

If we see it, we'll give it at least a 10-second acknowledgement.

We might accidentally say your YouTube channel's name or something.

All right.

Hundred me's versus one of these.

Okay, that's very different than one of you versus one of these.

I'm working it down.

I'm working it down.

100 me versus this.

Yeah, we'd win.

That's a better chance, but I feel like this thing is strong enough that the extra marks just become weapons.

What do you mean?

It's like the Agent Smith fight where it's Neo versus like all the Agent Smiths and it's like he, there's one point where he's holding one by the leg and just going,

like whipping it around because he's, you know, Superman strong.

I don't know the specs of the robot.

It just looks really scary, Mark.

It's just a robot.

This is a dumb robot.

It's got evil eye.

Yeah, well.

Just a dumb, strong, impenetrable metal robot.

Can you kill them in the game?

No.

I didn't.

All right.

I think you could.

I'm pretty sure sure you can.

Maybe.

Well, if you couldn't beat it in a game, I think you could definitely beat it in real life.

Thanks.

Thanks, man.

I'm talking.

A hundred of me.

Come on.

A hundred of me.

I mean, a hundred of you is a lot of you.

It would run out of battery by the time it got through, all of us.

That's a strategy.

A hundred of you running in a hundred different directions.

There's no way it could kill all of you before its power supply is depleted.

All right, so my friends have no faith in me.

I think I could take this run, but whatever.

Yeah, even for the point, I won't lie to you about that one.

Well, you don't, it's not life, it's the truth.

So,

all right.

Uh, we actually are pretty close to out of time.

That more, that ego blow of a 15-minute section there really uh ate up the less of our time here.

Have you seen iRobot, Mark?

Those were squishy robots, and they still were.

Will Smith stood no chance.

No, he beat like plenty of them.

He beat them with guns.

They beat his ass when it was hand-to-hand combat.

Kind of.

I think he hand-to-handed one of them or two.

Barely.

You think you're Will Smith?

Mark thinks he's Will Smith.

All right, fine.

Any last minutes?

Oh, I was going to say I have a quick one, too.

If you want to do a battle of the quickies.

Well, okay, Mike.

Who just did that one?

Doesn't matter.

Go ahead.

Got to say, Molly's a luckier woman than even I thought.

Apparently having a forgetful husband is the best thing in the world you can have because a guy went to the store, was supposed to pick up some lottery tickets forgot to get them his wife

you know went to the store bought the lottery tickets won half a million dollars she wouldn't have won if he'd remembered so like having a forgetful significant other apparently the best thing in the world oh this this wasn't you no i don't have no molly went half did molly win half a million dollars she definitely wouldn't tell you if she did it doesn't say who it was Did you recently forget to buy her some lottery tickets?

You wouldn't remember, I guess.

I also don't remember where this took place because I already closed closed the article

it's definitely molly yeah we're rich yeah congratulations bob melbourne australia samuel l jackson couldn't fucking believe it he was sitting on an australian domestic flight and the flight was delayed for two hours because of a motherfucking snake on the motherfucking plane i saw a snake on a train i didn't see the snake on a plane story there was a virgin australia flight from Melbourne to Brisbane, and a snake turned out, which turned out to be a completely harmless two-foot-long green tree snake.

But a snake made its way onto the plane.

They had to call a snake catcher to get the snake off the plane, because there were snakes on the plane, and it delayed the flight by a couple hours, and they should shouldn't Australians have known it was a harmless snake and just gone, just let it be?

Who cares?

Maybe it was harmless to Australians, but lethal to the rest of the world.

Therefore, they still had to worry about it.

Because everything everything in Australia wants to kill you.

Pretty sure green tree snakes are pretty chill.

I don't think they're going to do very much, but.

Samuel L.

Jackson couldn't fucking believe his luck.

Actual snake on actual plane.

That's great.

All right, that's going to do it for this episode.

Thank you for your contribution, guys.

You made it more competitive than I thought it would be.

And way more points than the zero I thought that it would.

What?

The final insult?

I feel like to one of us it will be.

I think he just was implying that neither of us is usually very competitive.

He's just better that he can't beat a robot.

I can.

You just don't think I can.

I can take that robot.

Maybe like a toaster.

We've seen how Mark vs.

Render Farm has gone.

Yeah, I'm winning.

Sometimes.

Sometimes.

Okay, points.

Wade, you got a you right point for something in the beginning.

I don't remember what it was, but you were right.

Two spaghettis really likes food.

Emotional battlefield, giant mole, solo leveling, microplastics, insert reason, and Molly's a luckier woman than even I thought.

Bob, you got a guru point, you bought a switch to code in box rage, catch EO spaghetti.

That was very funny when I wrote it down.

I don't remember what it was about.

Oh, yeah, it was Wade was ordering multiple kinds of spaghettis, including a catch-e-o-e spaghetti and the other kind, whatever.

Sent

West Arctica, I've never heard of pinching, which I put down as your point for some reason.

Hipster Bob, robot stretcher is actually a robot, and there were actual snakes on an actual plane.

That is.

We can just fight.

Then we'll learn if you can beat robot.

That's true.

Canonically, that works.

Wade, you have nine points?

Bob, you have 10 points going into the final wheel spin.

Google has zero.

I have negative one.

Take that, Google.

Any of us could win, including Google, which means that we have to surrender this podcast to Google.

How many bonus points?

I bet it's three.

Yeah, there's like an 80% chance it's okay, though.

It's three again.

Look at that.

Look at this history.

Three, one, three, three, three, two, two, three, three, three.

I feel like this wheel's weighted, but you know, I don't mind, you know?

I just shuffled them, too.

I just literally went in and manually.

All right, whatever.

Hey, three could still end at a time.

Oh, yeah, what are you adding?

Is robot robot point?

No, how about mentioned their significant other the most?

Oh, who did, though?

Well, wait, I think you did because Bob said he and Mandy were going to soda on Monday, so he brought her up for that.

Didn't you say you and Molly went to soda?

And then you said Molly's a luckier woman than even I thought towards the end there, so I think you technically have it.

Man, I don't like that one.

That makes the bar feel pretty low for us.

Hope our wives don't watch these.

Oh, no,

Scottish accent.

Scottish accent.

Perform if necessary.

Bob, you're first.

Ugh.

If you could change your fate, would ye?

That's good.

That's good.

That's going to be tough to beat.

What are you thinking you're doing, Laddie?

I'm no more than you ever will.

Ugh.

Whoa.

I mean, it started off pretty good.

I feel like you didn't even need to devolve it like that.

I actually got to give that to you, Wade.

I think that was very good.

My deck of you.

Don't push it.

All right.

Give us two more Scottish accents and we'll be out of here.

Come on.

Most self-sabotage.

Well.

That would have been me.

You and Google both each lost points.

Yeah, that's true.

It's a tight match between me and Google, but I got to give it to me because I broke my microphone before this.

Oh, and you didn't have your coin with you.

That's pretty sabotage-y.

And then I've given you multiple ways to screw me over with that handshake.

So I'm pretty sure for the season, I've...

Well, you better hope this doesn't go to the viewers, the listeners, the hosts.

It won't.

Spin number

three.

Golf rules.

Golf rules.

Half point for Bob.

Okay.

It was very close to being listeners there.

All right.

Bob with one half point eeks it out 10 and a half to 10.

Congratulations, Bob.

You get that half point.

Those really, those really make episodes, those half points coming in there.

They have come up a surprising amount.

I thought those would be a not-so-common occurrence.

No, no, no, but I like them.

It makes it spicy.

So congratulations, Bob.

So, Bob, a winner's speech.

It feels good to win, you know?

This was a fun one.

I feel like I probably could have won by more than half a point if I didn't spend so much time telling Mark he couldn't take a robot in a fight.

I feel like I really, I really rubbed my own face in the dirt on that one a little bit.

But, you know, sometimes you get an idea and you can't let it go.

Whether or not it's a good idea, who cares?

It's just in there.

And it doesn't matter because I won anyway, which I deserve because I'm the best.

Congratulations.

There were a lot of points left on the table during that robot segment.

Like, it was 15 minutes straights of point opportunity after point opportunity and no one took it.

So, you know, I'm not really going to say it.

We really both made our choices on that one.

You sure did.

But you still won.

So, wade.

Thinking back on the 15 minutes of robot, that I could have just said one nice thing.

I don't regret any of it.

I'll take this L because we were right not to give you any credit there because you would have gotten your ass kicked.

You would have lost.

And the viewers and listeners both know it.

And my integrity means more to me than that point would ever have.

I'll take this L sitting down.

The thing I disliked most about that was the way you said integrity.

You're welcome.

Thank you everybody so much for watching and or listening and or the other thing that we said.

Hope you enjoyed it.

Follow for more.

Uh, we got what episodes twice a week.

Did you, did some people, do some people not know that?

I wonder if there's some people that don't know we know.

There's a lot of people who, I think, think we post once a month and will be shocked to learn that we, in fact, post two a week.

Yeah, so uh, next year, top 100 most best podcast, hopefully, maybe.

So, thank you.

Uh, you're the best listeners and/or viewers of any podcast out there.

That's inarguable.

Got hair in my mouth.

That wasn't me trying to do something.

Oh, I thought I was blowing a kiss really awkwardly.

But hey, there's no competition for that.

So there's no top 100 list for those.

So we're all in the same boat of being left out.

Thank you.

We're going to leave you out of this podcast because it's ending.

Podcast out.