I See Two Paths

This episode is brought to you by T-Mobile 5G Home Internet.

I'm sure everyone can agree with me when I say that nowadays everything in your house keeps getting smarter.

Smart speakers, smart mirror, smart toaster, smart coffee maker, smart shoes, smart carpet, everything.

What isn't smart?

Luckily, T-Mobile 5G Home Internet makes it easy to keep all your devices connected.

With their quick, one-cord setup, you can hop online in literally 15 minutes or less.

They've also got fast speeds, a price that works for any budget, and a five-year price guarantee.

So, if you're looking for internet that keeps up with you, connect to T-Mobile Home Internet for their fast 5G speeds, easy 15-minute setup, and five-year price guarantee.

Visit t-mobile.com/slash home internet to check availability.

Guarantees monthly price of fixed wireless 5G internet data exclusions like taxes and fees apply.

Service delivered via 5G network speeds vary due to factors affecting cellular networks.

Guarantee exclusions and details at tmobile.com/slash home internet.

Don't you want that max?

Cooper loves that shoe too.

Oh, now he's into Cooper's food.

Wow, he is loving it.

What do you feed Cooper?

Blue Buffalo life protection formula.

He never leaves a crumb.

I love it because it's made with high-quality protein, nutrient-rich fruits and veggies, and wholesome whole grains.

Looks like we're switching to blue.

Blue Buffalo foods are made with the superior ingredients your dog needs to thrive.

Can your dog food say that?

Visit feedbluefood.com to learn more.

This episode is brought to you by Nos Energy.

NOS Energy exists to boost your horsepower.

So it depends on what kind of boost you need.

Are you prepping for an exam?

Are you prepping for a job interview?

Are you prepping to wake up in the morning?

You a prepper?

Oh, I'm a big prepper.

If you want the high-performance boost that tastes great, Nos Energy comes in a range of refreshing flavors.

Original, GT Grape, and Sonic Sour.

And Nos Zero Sugar is, you guessed it, sugar-free.

NOS Energy.

Get after it.

Find out more at drinknos.com.

That's D-R-I-N-K-N-O-S.com.

This episode of Distractible is presented by Vitamin Water.

Some drinks are fun, some are functional, but vitamin water said, why not both?

There is nothing more refreshing than like a nice vitamin water, ice-cold sip in the heat.

I only drink zero-sugar drinks, so of course I'm a fan of the zero-sugar rehydrate pineapple passion fruit.

I'm a big pineapple guy.

Pineapple good.

Born in New York City, built for people who work hard and play hard.

Grab a vitamin water today, copyright 2025, Glasso.

Vitamin Water is a registered trademark of Glasso.

Good evening, gentle listeners or watchers, and welcome to Distractible.

This episode, worsening Wade contracts dementia, prefers a plain penis, and forks the faculties.

Manned-up Mark saves his Crow Whisperer from an Ursus Americanus.

Notes never bore bird war and urges under its overlordship.

Bushy Barb disrobes Mark.

Still Dungeon Dwells is a yoke aficionado, victory vapor, and captures cults.

From missing wheels to starfish cosmology.

Yes.

It's time for

I see two paths.

Now sit back and prepare to be distracted and enjoy the show.

Hi, everyone.

Welcome back to Distractible.

What the fuck?

Oh,

that a good intro.

Yeah, we're keeping that.

Use that one.

All right, welcome to the show where we're a mess today.

If I'm being honest to you, we are all a mess today.

What are you talking about?

I'm fine.

As always, I'm joined on this show, which is about something by Mark and Bob.

Hey, guys.

Hey,

I didn't see you there.

You're looking awfully handsome today.

And yes, that is the bottom of my monitor in frame.

Mark's frame has had a lot of different things pop in today.

Mark's world is slowly closing in on the edges of his frame.

He's just going to keep zooming in as the episode goes on.

It really is.

It really is.

Look, I've

new levels of devastation.

I don't even know.

Do you know what this is?

I bet you don't.

Look at this doohickey.

That's an editing, what you call it.

Editing control.

Oh, fuck you.

You know what it is?

God damn it.

TI-93-I don't know what the thing is called, but I recognize the scrolling wheel and the clackety buttons.

It's for editing and whatnot, isn't it?

Yeah.

I wish that it had

just the wheel and like two buttons, because that's all I really use.

There's a bunch of buttons that are basically, I've already mapped the shortcuts to my keyboard, and I have a keyboard, and I just like the wheel because scrubbing through footage is easier with a wheel.

But I can't have that because they don't make it.

This is the least helpful response I could have thought of.

I swear to God, I've seen the thing that you're asking for, Mark.

Like, I get Fed ads for a lot of filmmaking, like, lighting and editing stuff that I'm never going to use because I don't actually do that.

I've seen a tool where it's like just the scrub wheel and it has like crown, but like it has maybe four or five buttons on top of it, basically, but it's like mostly the wheel.

I would love that if it, if it integrated with DaVinci, that would be great.

Literally just buy a thermostat and reprogram it.

I think the thing is, it's made by one of those companies where it's like, this is for streamers and content creators, and it doesn't integrate with like actual pro stuff as well as it.

It's like a volume knob, but it physically exists.

Yeah, because it's like the concept is there and it's really nice, but that one is integrated specifically for DaVinci because Black Magic made that one.

So I just hope they make a really small one.

You just take a saw and just.

Wade, that was your idea.

Your beautiful genius idea.

I don't know.

You guys talk about technology I zoned out again, but it's a wheel.

I guess that is humans' earliest technology as a wheel.

Caveman Wade saw Mark and Bob, caveman, being like, oh, wheel, look, two wheels, make cart roll.

Wade's over here dragging his shit on the ground, like, who needs wheels?

Honestly, this is barely tech because it'd be like us talking about a keyboard.

Like, you, you know, what this is, right?

Yeah, it's what it's like a smaller piano.

Wade just uses his mouse and opens an on-screen keyboard and clicks one letter at a time.

I try to touch up my finger, like, why isn't this working?

I mean, you know, I would love.

I kind of like, do you remember when they had that the finger sensor thing on Mabab that

I didn't get one, but they had it and it was like it could detect your fingers where they were so that you get that.

And they kind of have the hand tracking and VR headsets and stuff.

It's like, I still am looking for a better control scheme.

Like the

minority report.

That was exactly my first thought when you said the better because I was like, like minority report where he was just like, nah, I want this.

I know it's just like the directors to the actors like, just wave your hands around all techie-like.

It was a weird amalgamation of technology.

It was literally like people shoved in a pond, a little ball that would roll out, and then the craziest VR control screens of all time.

Yeah, I just imagined a naked pre-cog Mark in his vad of goop with the screen above him just being like,

making a movie.

Anyway, minority report streaming somewhere.

Probably watch it.

Bob, what's new with you?

Yeah,

cabinets.

Reading books.

I really, I don't know.

Not much has happened since the last time we had small talk stuff.

Are you still reading

Carl the Dungeon Crawler Carl?

Yes, I'm almost done with book three still.

I haven't even, no, everything's good.

James is real funny these days.

He started music classes this week.

He's having a good time with that.

What is he doing in music class?

Like they give him drumsticks or something?

Yeah, it's a toddler music class.

So it's like

triangle, hit the triangle, shakers.

I think he had a banana that he was shaking.

Hitting and scraping and shaking is the gist of it.

And like,

they did the big parachute where you

everyone sits in a circle around the parachute.

I think

that sort of stuff.

But fun stuff.

I don't remember what the name of the school was where we did that.

You have the giant parachute with the hole in the middle and you all throw it up in the air and run under it.

Elementary school?

Well, I'm at the specific school I went to.

Milford Elementary School?

There were like four.

Now there's like eight.

I think it was called Pleasant Hill, and then it got renamed after the principal, and then it got destroyed.

They deleted the school from existence.

Fun stuff.

I do have an event that occurred in the interim, a kind of crazy one.

It was late at night, just two days ago.

It was the same day we did that recording, I think.

No.

Are you sure it happened or were you still hallucinating?

I might have been.

I I kind of hoped I was, but I really wasn't.

So I let the pups out

front and I grab some blueberries and I am like, oh, the gate's open, so I'll

look, make sure they don't get out.

And I go out there and I see, you know, Henry's peeing on a bush, and Chica is standing in the middle of the driveway with her tail raised, looking up at something.

And I'm like, hmm, that's odd.

And it's dark because it's night, and we don't have a ton of lights, so I can not really see.

But I'm looking, And before my brain registers it, I got a shiver down my spine.

And then I see a dark shape in the middle of the driveway up above that Chica is looking at.

And it's big.

And it took me a second.

And then I go, like, that's a bear.

And I immediately set my blueberries down and sprint.

The panic of, oh, I'm going to say those for later.

I don't remember when I did it because it must have been as I was processing, but let's just say that I go, oh,

you know, like I took that pause, right?

And I

sprint because it's, Chica is literally staring down a bear.

And as soon as I yell Chica, she charges the bear.

Oh, that's not what I would have guessed.

She fucking charged the bear and she's doing her bark.

Very scary, sure.

Her very scary bark.

And thankfully, the bear decided that me also running, screaming behind, going,

was scary enough that the bear actually turned around and ran up the hill.

And I'm like, I'm, I'm like, okay, I gotta throw down with the bear.

I was like, I don't have my bear spray.

I don't have my boar spear.

You don't have your blueberries.

I didn't have a blueberries.

You're right.

And I didn't have the knife I usually keep on me, on me at the time.

So I was like, all right, I guess I'm going hand to hand with a bear.

Here Here we go.

Because I would do that for Chica, I would throw it down.

Um, I wasn't, I was about to let anything happen, but I was worried that it was gonna run off and she was gonna run, and I wouldn't be able to keep up, and then I wouldn't be able to help.

But thankfully, it got chased up, and then I got Chica inside.

Henry was so scared because he didn't see the bear, he only heard me yelling and then Chica barking, so he's like super confused, looking around.

So, I get them inside, and the bear went up, you know, and it's somewhere there.

The like a minute passes by, and then I see headlights at the top of the driveway.

Amy got back home, and I'm like, oh shit, she doesn't know that there's a bear literally right there.

Oh, God.

She shouldn't get out of the car, right?

So I look from the door and I see her get out of the car, pick up a package, and then I'm like, shit.

So I grab a stick and I grab a light and I just start running up.

I'm like, no,

you're going to get balled by a bear.

But thankfully, she got back in her car.

And she said, yeah, I was just listening to music the whole time.

She's like,

I'll get this package done.

You know, I was like, there was literally a bear.

It's like a horror movie.

They pulled up with their music eye, which is like,

exactly.

You look around for the bear, you don't see it.

She pulls the car further in the driveway.

Then in the back seat, you see the bear's head rise up.

The car starts driving away while Amy's picking up the package.

And the bear is just like, oh, God, I can't believe that word.

The bear hidden in the box.

Amy's like, wow, this is a heavy package.

What's in the box?

What's in the box?

What's in the box?

Well, my thought is actually, I'm glad that she didn't get there a minute sooner because she would have, her car would have boxed in Chica, the bear, and the car.

And I think it would have climbed over a fence, but that was, it was like,

my adrenaline had never been higher than those five minutes.

It was crazy.

Because the initial Chica is going to die in a fight to a bear and then get Chica inside, then turn around, see lights at the top.

Like, Amy is going to die to a bear I'm sure you got him but I just the way you told it I just like to imagine Henry's just standing at the bush just like oh what's mark doing that's crazy man

that was

and like you're you're inside yelling at Amy and Henry's done and he's just like oh mom's home all right thank goodness there's this crazy guy yelling the bear's in the woods twirling its bear mustache like I'll get them next time

I think it was the same bear um that I scared off the other time.

It wasn't that big.

It's a black bear.

Very dangerous, you know, but usually they're a bit more skittish.

Yeah, I think you'd have trouble in a one-on-one with the bear.

I don't want to bruise your ego too much, but even a small bear seems like a lot to handle.

Yeah, yeah.

It's like this bear was probably like, if Chica, Chica's like 75 pounds, I believe it would be about a 175, 200-pound bear, something like that.

So not the biggest city you can get, but you know, sizable and still dangerous wild animal.

So but Chica scared it or the combo of me and Chica scared it.

That's a hell of a thing to have had happen and it's one of those things where i was sleep deprived so i'm like am i hallucinations

because i was hearing voices i was and i was seeing faces and i was i was having full-on hallucinations there mark there's no bear yes there is mark

who do i trust Why is the one telling the truth sound evil?

That's what hallucinations will do to you.

It's like to imagine the bear saw you and was like, oh, that dude's got blueberries.

And then you set them down and came out and he was like, ah, damn it.

Not going to eat him.

I don't want to talk to my neighbor.

I wanted blueberries.

Fuck it out of here.

Come back for blueberries later.

Man, so much shit happens to you.

You start pulling all the iters, you start getting sleep-deprived, and all this crazy stuff starts going on.

What am I doing all my life over here?

Come to California.

It's interesting here.

I've never lived in as much fear as I did when I lived in California and the wildfires were five miles from our house.

I'll give you that.

We're allowed to have campfires in Ohio.

Not for long.

Not for long.

Uh-oh.

Yeah, I mean, it's been so hot here.

I already feel like, I don't know if I'd do that in my backyard.

We got a lot of grass.

We got a lot of grassy plants, a lot of brown, crispy stuff that is the kind of thing that likes to burn when embers fall on it.

That's probably fine.

I'm sure I'll be fine.

I'm sure I'll be fine.

Any more talk, small?

Any more small talk?

I thought that was on purpose.

Was that?

You never know with him.

I honestly think everything that Wade does is on purpose and completely calculated, and he just plays it off.

He just does things like that and he's all, well,

I didn't mean to do that.

Whoa.

I have had some real word salad moments.

I don't know if you guys ever saw Boston Legal, but there was a whole like thing where I forget which character it was.

It's been so long.

Was he the one that did the word salad?

I thought it was Alan, Alan Shore.

Alan Shore, yeah, was Denny Crane was Will Shatner's character, and Alan Shore was the main guy paid by what's his face?

Blacklist guy.

I don't know this show at all.

You know a Boston Legal?

Well, you both wanted to be lawyers, so yeah.

Yeah, somebody with the word salad thing.

Basically, I don't know.

I've had this thing lately where I'll go to say a sentence, especially if it's like a snarky one.

Like the other day, we were at dinner and I was like making fun of my niece a little bit, like poking fun at her.

And I went to say something and just pure fucking gibberish came out of my mouth.

And I was like, well, never mind, guess I'm the idiot.

That's happened to me a lot lately.

Mark, I think it's time to start talking about where we're going to put him, Mark.

I think it's time to

look through the pamphlets and find a home for him.

Wait, if you want to improve your word ability, you can't.

Thanks, Tom.

So just give up.

Look, you can accept the realities of where you are or you can rage against the dying of the light.

And hey, why do that?

Feeling the fog encroaching on the edges of your consciousness?

Die, I guess.

Sorry.

We're human.

No fixing that.

See ya.

Mark, when you get a point later for motivational dick, just know that's where it came from.

Oh, God, not the motivational dick.

I find Mark's dick very motivational.

I have to agree with that point.

The dick of motivation.

Is that the new Indiana Jones movie?

Indiana Jones and the dick of motivation?

It's actually an alien's dick, and it comes to life when you put it back where it goes.

And it turns out taking that dick makes your brain explode because it was just too much for anyone to handle.

Only if you take the really fancy-looking dick.

If you take the plain one, that's the one Jesus would have had.

that's it's not jesus

dick

that was a different movie never go for the intricate fancy dick always go for the plain one that's the that's actually the porn parody indiana bones and the holy nail

the holy nail that what was it the legend of the holy i don't forget what the movie's even called who cares oh goblet of goblet of fire

some kind of drinky thing right

Did you put your name in the goblet of fire?

Indy, what have you done?

This episode is brought to you by Rocket Money.

I spend irresponsibly.

It's not my fault.

It's not the company said I'm subscribing to's fault.

It's no one's fault.

I'm perfect.

Do you know how many subscriptions you pay for?

I don't, probably a lot.

Rocket Money is a personal finance app that helps find and cancel your unwanted subscriptions, monitors your spending, and helps lower your bills so you can grow your savings.

So it found a Twitch subscription.

I won't say who, but I was like their longest subscribe person ever.

So they were just like, this guy who never is in my streams is like on a 74-month streak of subscription.

And I canceled it.

No!

Wade, he's not gonna have your emotes anymore.

Oh man, you were my second longest.

Sorry, man, Rocket Money found it out.

Rocket Money's 5 million members have saved a total of $500 million and canceled subscriptions with members saving up to $740 a year when they use all of the app's premium features.

Cancel your unwanted subscriptions and reach your financial goals faster with Rocket Money.

Go to rocketmoney.com slash distractible today.

That's R-O-C-K-E-T-M-O-N-E-Y dot com slash D I S T R A C T I B L E.

RocketMoney.com slash distractible.

This episode is brought to you by Hershey's.

When it comes to a sweet treat, I love a combo.

Like Like those two flavors that just go together perfectly, like a little party in your mouth.

I think most people are with me on this, right?

If you want the ultimate combo, I think you should give Hershey's Cookies and Cream a try.

If you haven't had it, where have you been?

Rich, smooth, white cream packed with crunchy, chocolatey cookie bits in every bite.

It's a delicious balance of flavor and texture.

Hershey's Cookies and Cream, creamy, crunchy, and all yours.

Find Hershey's Cookies and Cream bars at a store near you today.

This episode is brought to you by Degree.

Degree is for the hustlers who put in the sweat, which we know a thing or two about.

For 35 years, 11 months, 28 days, and six hours, I didn't believe in deodorant.

But then Degree came along.

If you can relate to three relatable guys like us, Degree Advance has you covered with up to 72-hour sweat and odor protection.

Degree, here for sweat.

Buy now.

Oh, yeah, I I got to host an episode.

Hey, guys, welcome to Distractible.

That was the small talk and us being ourselves portion.

Now I get to put these two to the.

Never mind.

See?

See what I mean?

I feel like that's on purpose.

I don't believe you.

I feel like it's on purpose.

It's a scam, Mark.

He's running a scam.

We've done a couple episodes where, or at least one episode, where we did like a how-to, and it was getting dumber.

We would like give instructions, give worse instructions, worse, worse, worse.

This time, it might be similar, but instead of the descriptions getting dumber, I'm just going to kind of give you guys weirder and weirder how-tos, and you're going to tell me how to do it.

You're going to give us how-tos.

I'm going to give you a prompt, and you're going to describe how to do it.

Okay, okay.

We are wiki how.

Let's start with something real simple.

Who goes first?

I'll flip a coin.

Ah,

Tails is Mark.

Great.

So, Bob, you'll go first.

You flip the coin.

I think I just scratched my microphone.

My coin, it's fine.

Bob, how do you organize your workspace for maximum productivity?

I'm going to have a really hard time trying to sincerely do this and not just giving shitty, get more stupider style advice, but organize workspace for maximum productivity.

As Adam Savage says, it's all about having the tools that you use most frequently to hand.

It's not about aesthetics and it's not about hiding things away.

An efficient, productive workspace is put together in a way so that you have to move your hands the shortest possible distance to grab the tools that you use most.

So it depends what you do.

For me, I have my distractible coin, my points notebook, all of my computer couchremont, my

ever-growing legion of fidget toys that make way too much noise, but I use them anyway.

And all the drugs I need to be the man I am on camera, all within arm's reach on my desk.

And

then, you know, then as you move further away into deeper storage, then you have the stuff where it's like, well, I only get that out once a week.

So that goes in this, you know, this cabinet here.

I know where that is.

I have a battery charging station.

You only really need to swap batteries out if you're doing something.

Like, if you burn their whole camera battery, you're probably doing a bigger project.

So that's like the batteries live in their special cabinet and their charging station, stuff like that.

Like, I don't need to break it down in too much detail, but it's about having things to hand.

And you have to decide.

The hard work is.

You have to figure out which tools do I constantly grab for?

What things do I need

in arm's reach from where I'm doing most of my work?

And then you just go from there.

A tool in the hand is worth two in your bush.

I leave one in my bush.

Mark, organize your workspace for maximum productivity.

Alphabetically.

Everyone knows that's the first thing people think of.

If you don't think of alphabetically, you're dumb.

And also, they changed the alphabet song.

Did you know that?

I did know that.

L-M-N-O-P, or whatever the hell it is.

No, they broke it up so that there's a break in between L-M.

Yeah.

L-M-N-O-P.

I don't even know what comes after P when it goes like that.

I can't do that.

It feels sacrilegious.

I hate it.

I'm okay with that.

But they also changed the words after Z.

It's like, now, like, it's something else.

I don't know.

Not now.

I know my ABCs.

Does it occur to you that you have learned the A, B, and C's because now you are friends with me, like it or not?

I think that it might be actually, it's like the grocery cart test.

If the kid can't understand that L M N O P is not one word and that's L M N O P, because I understood that as a child.

That is when you sing that, L M N O P is different things.

But a lot of kids apparently think that it's one word but that's a shopping cart test is that kid worthy of being in society at all can they differentiate lm n o p if they can't throw him in a fucking volcano if they can't do it they just have to live life without those letters only the smartest among us get l mno and p i didn't know mid o was a letter of the alphabet we figured it the fuck out why can't they no i definitely had a i had that moment where that came up and i was like i don't want to do that i'm gonna he'll figure out the old way i'll just do the the old way.

And I was like, yeah, buddy, sing your alphabet.

And he got there and James was like, H-I-J-K, I'm a M-O-P.

And I was like, oh, fuck, it is a problem, isn't it?

Oh, no.

Wait, how's the new one go?

Shit.

Anyway, alphabetically, organize your space alphabetically.

It works every time.

So what do we do?

We go back and forth.

I have to do a stupider one now, or what's the rules here?

No, let's move on to the next topic.

Oh, okay.

Your answers can be as straightforward or silly as you want them to be.

I just want to throw out that I would like to change my official answer to Dewey Decimal System.

I would like to propose a Dewey Decibel system and you organize it based on a loud.

How about Stewie's decimated system?

Uh-huh.

All right, Mark, how do you perfectly soft-boil an egg?

I actually know this one.

I know this one.

I know this one.

You buy that artificial egg.

So they make this thing that's a timer.

It's a little, it probably leeches plastic into it.

Let's be honest, because it seems like it's made of plastic.

There's

fine, it's fine.

But there's some, uh, something in it that is a heat fa heat-changing color thingamabob.

It changes color with heat, right?

So as it changes, it's in tune with what an egg would cook at.

So you see, and in inside, it starts to reveal, or I forget if it's like gets opaque or, yeah, it starts opaque or no, starts transparent, becomes opaque in line with like the cook.

So you got soft on there, medium, hard, and it is pretty accurate.

Also, you drop your eggs in when they're boiling, when it's boiling, not you don't raise the temperature of it as you don't set them in cold and raise the temperature because you don't know.

Sometimes it takes different time to get up to temperature.

You set it in when it's boiling, so you know.

And I know some people are like, oh, the shell will crack.

Well, your egg will be bad if you do it the other way, and you won't know.

And you got sulfurous, stinky eggs.

I really enjoy it.

I was like, oh, he actually knows how to tell this.

And like, I love that your first thing was, you buy the cheesiest tool.

It does the cheesiest.

It's an accurate tool.

I'm sorry.

Do you not use a calculator?

Because you're like, oh, it's cheesy to know what the actual answer of math would be.

Mark, you're never going to have a calculator when you need to do calculus in your adult life, okay?

Since when have you had a calculator handy when you have to do a differential equation?

Mrs.

Grimsby was right.

And tools are for idiots who can't do calculus.

Yeah.

Adam Savage is a bastard.

And having tools within arm reach is dumb and also a little beta behavior.

Let's be honest.

Yeah, yeah, pretty much.

Adam, we know you're a big fan of the show.

I'm sorry.

Well, we're not a big fan of you.

Get out.

Well, I don't know.

I'm not with him.

We all speak for each other here.

Editors put him on an island because he's alone.

Put him in Guam.

I'm here in Guam.

I still understand why Guam was the ocean.

It's fine.

It's not important.

It's fine.

The lost city of Guam, also known as Atlantis, apparently.

Soft boil an egg.

It's even easier.

You still need a tool, but you just need a tool that could do time stuff.

It's six and a half minutes.

Hard boil, like Mark said, don't pull your eggs in cold water and put them on the stove.

Get the water to a hard boil, eggs in, six and a half minutes, straight out of the boiling water into an ice bath.

Boom.

Perfectly soft-boiled.

It's not, it depends on your elevation, but unless you live on top of fucking Mount Everest or something, it's between six and a half and seven minutes.

And once you do it once, you'll know if you, if you need to add or subtract like five or ten seconds from your thing.

For me, it's six and a half minutes.

Boom.

Perfect.

Nailed it.

I forgot about the ice bath.

That is a crucial part.

Yeah, because otherwise you never get soft-boiled eggs because if you take them out and you just set, even if you take them out of the water and you just set them on the counter, they're so hot that they'll just turn into medium or hard-boiled eggs on their own, anyway.

You gotta shock them.

You gotta stop those bitches.

And that helps with removing the shell.

Have you guys seen the trick where you, before you hard-boil your eggs, you hold it, and on the fat, like, you know, there's kind of like a wide end and like a skinny end on the fat end of the egg, you just like tap it with a spoon, and it doesn't break the outer shell.

But if you tap it in the right way, it'll do like a little, like, like a little pop.

And that has something to do with an inside structure of the egg itself that will will make the shell remove even more cleanly when you then boil it, then ice bath it, then try and peel it.

It's weird.

I saw it on like TikTok and I was like, that doesn't work.

And then I tried it once and it actually, it's just actually works.

And it's really, I don't understand what it is, but it works.

I know that there's a ton of different methods to peel an egg, but also I've, I don't know why, but I've never had trouble with it.

Probably because, I don't know, my mom is really good at peeling eggs.

Like she gets almost perfect every time, no matter which way.

And she'll just like randomly throw an egg in in a pot, it'll come out perfectly boiled.

She'll be able to like one-handed take the shell off, and then it's like, there's an egg.

Um, and so I kind of learned from her.

And one of the other things is like, once you start a crack, have it have a small stream of water and have the water pour right onto the crack so they can get under the layer.

Because as soon as it gets under the layer, that can help separate it out.

And yeah, yeah, that's a good tip, too.

And if you're really inept with your hands, if you take a small Tupperware and put a little like a quarter inch of water in it and put the egg in, you can literally just shake the egg in the water and open it after 10, 20 seconds, and you'll have a

the only danger is it might rupture the white a little bit.

But if you like, don't want any effort, that that also totally works.

That's pretty cool.

There's a physical phenomenon, and I forget what it's called, but it's there's a difference between how things crack or interact or cut in air versus in water.

Like, I forget what the experiment was.

It was something like a knife or something.

I'm sure it has something to do with fluid dynamics.

Yeah, yeah.

It's something about water's in water surface tension or something.

So it keeps whatever the shockwaves in the material or something like that.

I don't remember what it is, but there's something about water itself.

Well, not everybody can make soft-boiled eggs.

I forgot about the ice bath thing.

I don't do eggs like that a lot, but I remember the feeling like my family filled like a sink with water and put like ice and stuff in it.

And then we just

soft.

You need the ice because it needs to stop cooking.

It has to.

Yeah.

All right, Bob, I think you're first this time.

I feel like we're just giving really good advice this episode.

I feel like this is a valuable episode.

How do you befriend a crow?

Peanuts.

Crows love peanuts and it's counterintuitive, but what they really respond to is you get shelled peanuts or you take them out of the shell and you got to try and huck them and bounce them right off their forehead.

And

it's not like a power dynamic thing or anything.

It's just they really respect that.

That's why Ethan will never befriend crows.

It's one of his greatest failures as a person.

Crows, game respect, game.

and uh crows just if you nail them right between the eyes with a peanut and then they get to eat the peanut it's like the perfect combo of instantly like one shot one perfect shot boom friends for life it's like me with steak you hit me in the forehead with a fillet i'm just like oh thank you i mean yeah someone started throwing well-cooked fillets at me i mean bob you're actually right i don't know if you said peanuts um offhand or if you actually knew like oh i did know that okay they love peanuts um and there actually has been a family of crows this is a story I was going to say.

Murder of crows, even.

Don't murder my crows, man.

A Cheryl of Crows.

What was the movie?

The Crow.

I think it's just going to be

Crow-Man.

Crow-man.

I am

Crow-Man.

There's been this family of crows that lives up in a tree.

And, you know, they steal whatever they want.

because they're crows and they're very smart and they do

so uh you know the amy's setting out water for them every day.

So, cause we have a pool and we're like, don't drink water and, you know, water.

And they've appreciated that.

So she has actually befriended the crows.

The crows really like her.

They tolerate me, but, you know, they actually actively like her.

And the dogs actually are kind of comfortable.

So they land in the yard and then Chica and Henry don't chase after them.

And so it's kind of weird.

Like there's this.

ecosystem growing.

I almost sabotaged it because here's how you don't befriend a crow.

And this will teach you how to befriend a crow by example of not.

I had a banana peel.

I walked across the yard and I had a banana and I ate the banana and I had a peel.

And I was like, I don't have a trash can.

It's biodegradable, right?

But then I see a crow, right?

It's up on a branch right above me, maybe like 20 feet away, a decent distance.

And I was like, oh, I'll throw the crow generally, or I'll throw the banana generally in that direction.

And then maybe if they want the

banana peel, they can have it.

If not, it'll land in dirt and it'll decompose, right?

Because it's biodegradable.

I had the most perfect throw of my life.

The crow was on the branch and I just randomly go like, there you go, and it arcs exactly where that crow was and it had to go

like miss it by an inch.

The banana peel landed on the branch where it was standing.

It would have wrapped around that crow.

Actually, I think it's a raven.

I'm almost positive it's a raven, which that quote doesn't make any sense because I look at these ravens.

There's a bird app that hears the sound of the bird and it tells you what bird it is.

And there's a very distinct difference between crows and ravens, right?

I look at these ravens and I'm still like, I don't know if it's a crow or not.

I was actually just going to bring that up.

Yeah, some people that like that adage suggests that these are like bald eagle-sized birds, and they're not.

They're the size of a hawk, and a hawk is pretty big, but also like a raven is not a gigantic pterodactyl flying across your house.

Like they're suggesting like it's some B-27 bombers going by.

Like, no.

That's exactly what I looked up.

That's so funny.

No, because, yeah, I saw that on the subreddit.

People were like, they don't know the difference between a crow and a raven.

When you see a raven, you'll fucking know.

Because ravens are like monster.

And I looked it up.

And crows compare in size to a pigeon.

which is a medium-small bird.

And ravens are, it said, about the size of a red-tailed hawk.

And I was like, what is that?

Like the size of a big pigeon?

That's not a dramatic enough size zipper.

They're not that big.

I know.

And what's crazy is we have red-tailed hawks here where we are.

It was a hawk nesting ground.

And so hawks and crows fucking hate each other.

So there's bird war going on in the skies above us.

And we still don't know if they're ravens or crows.

Well, we're pretty sure they're ravens.

But you can tell the red-tailed hawks from the crows, right?

No, Mark.

If it was a raven, you would fucking know.

Okay.

There's no like, oh, I did it ring.

It's not, you would know.

Its eyes glow red.

Its laser vision can chop trees down.

It's nuts.

These ravens.

Anyway, that's how you

answer your question.

Mark, I think this one's perfect for you.

Don't be offended.

How to fake knowing sports during a conversation.

Oh, I'm not offended by that.

Okay.

All right.

Because I do it a lot.

Oh, wait.

I feel like I've answered this specific question before.

So it's something similar.

No, there was someone that...

No, it was on Go that I answered this question for somebody like, hey, I don't really know sports that well.

And it was like, you just got to learn a few key phrases.

Like, like,

you just got to ask, like, do you think that's going to be his year?

Whenever they say anything or when anything happens.

And just say, like, wow, he's not doing the same as last week, not implying better or worse.

They'll fill in the gap gap for you.

And you ask questions like that.

And or you ask, like, what's his stats this year?

I haven't looked them up.

And then they'll just start.

And then by the time that they're done talking, the game will be over and you will have escaped it.

And then if they don't like one player, bring that one player up at every opportunity and compare every other player to that player.

There's a Tom Brady in the world for every Tyler Schide out there.

You can find who that is and you can make them think about that person they hate forever.

Good deflection.

Good deflection strategies.

Bob?

I don't disagree with Marks, I guess, but mine is if you find yourself in a situation where you hang out with a lot of sports people on a regular basis, and this is a thing you need, all you need is one news story that anyone, even if they don't care about that specific sport, will know about and will have strong hot takes on.

Like, for example, right now, all you need, ready to go, and honestly, it's an interesting thing to follow anyway.

So, like, it's, it's fun to

fun.

And, well, I don't know if fun is the right word, but it's interesting to read up on what's been happening.

Caitlin Clark.

You could just mention Caitlin Clark to a sports person, even if they don't care about the WNBA, even if they don't care about basketball.

If you just have a little tidbit or like a very lukewarm take about Caitlin Clark and be like, ah, did you see the season Caitlin Clark's haven't?

Can't believe she didn't make the all-stars this year or whatever.

Boom.

The entire room will get in on that shit and you don't have to worry about contributing anything.

And there's always something like that, right?

Like right now, Caitlin Clark is probably the biggest one I know of, but there's always something where it's like, oh, did you hear that Tom Brady did or said something or somebody's going to come out of it?

There's always something.

So you just need like that one thing because you can use it over and over.

If it's like every weekend, you go and football season or whatever.

And you can bring up Caitlin Clark again because then they will all know like, oh, yeah, this week, did you see Stephen A said some stupid thing about Kaiten Clark and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah?

They'll just take over.

They'll just got it.

They got that for you.

Fair enough.

Unironically, I do want to go see one of her games because, like, Indianapolis is not that far from Cincinnati.

I don't watch any form of basketball at all.

Kaylin Clark.

Kaylin Clark highlights are wild.

Literally, she's just like running and in at half court and will just be like, whoop,

three points.

Like, what the fuck?

I didn't know you could shoot from that far away.

Jesus Christ.

As someone who hasn't watched a lot, I don't know what it is about her that has like made the WNBA and like, you know, women's college basketball kind of like blow up.

But like as someone who's never really consumed a lot of it, I want to go to a game and watch.

Like, especially one where she plays is Angel Reese.

I forget what team.

Yeah, Angel Reese isn't she on Chicago.

But like, I want to see one of those games.

Yeah.

No, it's crazy.

It's crazy stuff.

I want to show you something

that makes me laugh really, really hard.

Because if you remember, someone made like an unapproved book about me, right?

Okay.

Sure.

don't know if this one is approved or not, but it really makes me laugh.

I've never seen this format of book before, but this is a book titled, Who is Caitlin Clark?

What?

That's for those that are listening.

If you look up the number one New York Times best-selling series, Who is Caitlin Clark?

It's by Mary Joe Borzolari.

Spelled exactly like it sounds.

I mean, it says number one, number one New York Times best-selling book.

So it must be sanctioned i don't know whatever permitted i it must be i just i've never seen this before and as a guy who puts big my head on bonnie's thumbnails almost all the time

really funny to me that's a big head bob

how do you become king during a zombie apocalypse i see two paths I see two paths.

One of them involves a lot of cigarettes.

Like,

you need to control the cigarette supply.

You need to to have all the cigarettes.

And the other one involves convincing everyone that you can talk to the zombies.

The cigarettes one, I feel like, is pretty obvious that there's always something.

And it like in a post-apocalyptic world, everyone's like, I need a smoke or a drink or something, right?

Like, there's always something.

That's just like, if you control the flow, you control the power, you, you become the one in charge, sort of deal.

That's so smart because because you can stockpile a lot more cigarettes than you could, like bags of food.

So you just pilled a bomb shelter with nothing but rows and rows of vape cartridges, you know, rechargeable ones and cigarettes, all devices.

A vape that's just photovoltaic cells on the outside.

So as long as you set your vape out in the sun, it recharges and you can vape, you know, vape anything, man.

I have liquid, Greg.

Can you vape me?

Give yourself a point there.

Vape pretty much anything with nipples.

But the other one I feel like is also self-explanatory.

It just goes in a very different way.

And it's in the post-apocalyptic times, everyone's going to get increasingly superstitious, right?

Like society breaks down.

Scientific knowledge is lost.

Everyone forgets how things work.

All you need is like one friend.

in a in a in a very convincing, disgusting zombie costume, you know, some of this setup.

And you just need to convince a colony of people that you are the one who can talk to the zombies.

And it's very like, you know, maybe you do sacrificial rituals and that keeps them away or this sort of thing.

Like it's very like culty, sort of, right?

But you just need to be the one who is the cult leader.

You basically become the de facto king because there's there's no social media.

No one's going to be snooping around Facebook groups debunking all of your cult.

who's going to undermine a cult in a world where you you can only talk to people in person and there's no internet and all that

that's why it was so much easier to have a cult back in the day because no one talked to nobody as long as you could control the phone line or whatever or the telegram probably boom cult easy peasy everyone just believes you as long as you're charismatic enough and you tell the right story easy king of the world i had a cult how-to bob and you just predicted cult things i gotta give you an extra point for predicting cult cult.

I'm welcome.

I see two paths, right?

Sounds familiar.

Sounds familiar, yeah.

You can be king.

You can be king of the people, or you can just be straight up king of the zombies.

King of the zombie apocalypse, the people are going to keep fighting.

Everyone's going to want to be king.

Everyone's going to be fighting for that.

No one's fighting to be king of the zombies.

It's very similar to what Bob was saying.

You get an elaborate scheme going.

Give the zombies some cigarettes.

Give the zombies nice, nice, and addicted.

Yeah, you give them, because because I believe that if zombies are broken down to their base instincts, they would really love cocaine.

So you get all these zombies hopped up on cocaine, and then you hold the spot.

You give them for free at first, and then they're all like,

which means it's great.

I love this stuff.

Great, great, great.

I love it.

Let's go find some

party going on.

And then they're following you, and then they get in withdrawal, and they get desperate.

And that's when they're manipulatable.

And so you manipulate the zombies into being your subjects.

And then you make them kill everybody.

And then you are king of the zombies.

This also sounds like a cult.

You get them addicted.

You take back the product.

And they listen.

That's what I said exactly that.

I said exactly that.

But I had this idea before Bob was even talking.

So sure, sure, sure.

It's a victim of going second, unfortunately.

That's fair.

I'll take my cult point.

Yeah, just keep holding your hand up.

It's right there for you.

Thank you.

All right.

Why is it wet?

Because I had liquid, Greg.

Mark, you are first this time.

Bob, don't steal my idea.

Come on now.

I already had my idea.

Mark's a liar.

How do you train geese to be your personal security detail?

How do you?

Yeah, that's what he's asking.

Hmm.

It could be longer than two sentences, Mark.

Don't worry.

Yeah, here, let me lead you off.

I needed geese to be my security detail.

All right, so let's list what we know about geese, right?

Geese, they long neck, stripe around it, they got a choker,

beak,

wings, kind of black and gray thing going on there.

They travel south for the winter, so they're only going to be reliable half of the year unless you are relocating.

Canada.

Canada.

Canada?

Okay.

Canada.

With you?

Canada.

Uh-huh.

Move to Canada.

There's geese there.

Final answer.

I'm holding up my thumb for people that are listening.

Move to Canada is how to train your geese to be a personal security detail.

Bob, don't steal his idea now.

I had this idea before Mark said anything.

Okay.

Where are their geese?

You know what's right next to Canada?

Alaska.

No, no.

Mine is even easier.

You don't have to move anywhere.

All you have to do is make 12 easy payments of $39.99, and you can get yourself a full set of my how to train geese to be your bodyguards DVD training video set.

It comes with practice billy clubs and high visibility jackets and goose-sized security hats.

They love those.

And it's a whole, it's a, it's a...

300 video series.

All you have to do is get the geese locked in a room with the TV and play them in sequence.

And they'll go from random wild geese that you gathered up at your neighborhood pond all the way up to the most highly trained personal security force anyone could want in the entire world.

There's one other part of it, you do have to offer health care.

Harder and harder to do in this world.

Yeah, no, it's funny.

You'd think they're all wild animals and they're from different places.

Consistently across the board, except for one group in Canada, all of them ended up hanging up on you have to offer us comprehensive health care or we're gonna you know we're gonna take our services elsewhere so that's an important part of it but the DVDs are really the main thing that you need and it's 12 easy payments of $39.99.

What a good answer.

You didn't even have to answer.

You just had to get us to pay to buy your books.

Now, if I buy these DVDs and they all say move to Canada, I'm going to be very upset.

Can I be an affiliate of his product?

And I get some kickback points.

Can I affiliate your product and sell it myself to my audience?

But you want to help him with his idea?

Yeah, but

I'll get some points.

Okay, Mark, you You can, I will sell for an upfront investment of $5,000.

I will sell you

a supply of these DVDs, and then you can go and sell those on the margin.

But the way that you make your money back is you recruit three of your friends to buy in for $5,000 of their own.

And since then, since I'm your upfeed sales goose, I get everything flows up.

All rivers flow up, like they say.

I get 98% of their buy-ins, and you get 2%.

But then, when they each get three friends to buy in, you get 90%.

And I get, and it's math, and I don't want to get into it, but uh, is this a gaggle mids scheme?

Uh, we prefer to think of it as a flying V scheme: honk, honk, honk, honk, honk, honk, honk, honk, honk, honk, honk.

Wait, come on, please, don't leave us.

Honk, honk, honk.

I run out on stage at a convention center center to a room full of a thousand people in a goose costume, just like, who's ready to sell some DVDs?

Honk, honk, honk.

Anyway, that's all you need to get your goose security force off the ground.

It's a very good product.

Bob,

you're up first here.

How do you properly motivate your house plants?

I actually

was having a discussion with a

biologist, a biostatistician who studies

genetics and evolution in flowering plants.

We were having a discussion and the question came up of like, is it true if you like play music for your plants or like sing to them, is that good for them?

And he was like, actually, it probably would be best if you just like gently like tap them or like flick them.

every once in a while they respond to that um or maybe like blow have like a fan blowing but like if you just like pah that they like that from a biologist's mouth to your ears that'd be my official advice just walk around a few times a day and just hit them with a little like pah and then it really lights their fire you know do we know why

something about the physical stimulus of like the wind blowing outdoors activates something in the plant structure.

I don't know.

I'm not the biologist here.

I'm not the biologist here.

Isn't there?

No, isn't there something like that with rain?

Like, rain falling hits leaves with force, right?

So it would hit it and it would probably be like, it's raining.

Open the roots.

You know, it probably something like that.

That's a great point that I get points for.

I like contributing to your ideas too.

Oh, it's a, it's a, you know, give it a take.

You know, I won't do it anymore.

I'll take.

I'll take it.

All right, fine.

My turn.

Yeah.

I see two paths.

As Al Capone once said,

you can rule by love or you can rule by fear.

So you either rule by love.

What was that accent?

Was that prison mark?

Was that you?

You al Capone.

No, I said me Al Capone.

You can rule by love.

I think he actually said you can rule by fear or you can rule by love.

Both in Al Capone's mind involves a gun.

So the fear is you are going to shoot.

The love is you don't shoot because you love them.

So you hold a gun up to your plant and you say be motivated to do plant things or my taxes or i am going to shoot you are you af ed have you ever been to atlantic city have you ever been to atlantic city yeah i know that seed i know that seed yeah and if that if that plant doesn't give you an answer you like

yeah well you only have to kill one plant to rule the rest of the plants with fear right so you wait till the plant seeds and like has little plants growing and then you kidnap its little plants and hold them at sheer point

Yep.

This episode is brought to you by Welch's Fusions, the newest drop from Welch's fruit snacks.

We've got to warn you about the consequences of eating Welch's fusions.

It's like three dudes hanging out on a rooftop talking about the future.

Three dudes hanging out on a rooftop installing solar panels to provide a sustainable future.

Three dudes on a roof installing solar panels so that they can power their computers and record their brilliant idea for a podcast.

Pretty awesome consequences, if you ask me.

New Welch's fusions are so good.

Each one is a combination of two fruity flavors in one juicy bite.

One flavor on the outside, another on the inside.

It's an unbelievable taste sensation, so they are recommended for experienced taste buds only.

You've been warned.

New Welch's Fusions, please use responsibly.

This episode is brought to you by T-Mobile 5G Home Internet.

I'm sure everyone can agree with me when I say that nowadays, everything in your house keeps getting smarter.

Smart speakers, smart mirror, smart toaster, smart coffee maker, smart shoes, smart carpet, everything.

What isn't smart?

Luckily, T-Mobile 5G Home Internet makes it easy to keep all your devices connected.

With their quick, one-cord setup, you can hop online in literally 15 minutes or less.

They've also got fast speeds, a price that works for any budget, and a five-year price guarantee.

So if you're looking for internet that keeps up with you, connect to T-Mobile Home Internet for their fast 5G speeds, easy 15-minute setup, and 5-year price guarantee.

Visit t-mobile.com slash home internet to check availability.

Guarantees monthly price of fixed wireless 5G internet data exclusions like taxes and fees apply.

Service delivered via 5G network speeds vary due to factors affecting cellular networks.

Guarantee exclusions and details at t-mobile.com slash home internet.

Uh, let's try to squeeze one more in here.

Mark, how do you permanently remove your shadow?

Shit, where is it?

They already did it.

You know, I don't think about my shadow very much.

And now that you mention it, I'm just like, where the fuck is my shadow?

He's not seen it in a while.

Shadows are the absence of light.

So logically, it would

follow that if there was no light, there would be no shadow.

So if you get rid of the sun

and ban light, you have to ban light.

then there will be no shadows because darkness is not one big shadow, right?

Or is it?

Oh, man.

Wade, you like philosophical questions.

If there was no light, is everything in shadow?

Or is shadow the true state of things?

And therefore, is it something else?

Because shadow implies that something is occluding the light.

But if there's no light to occlude, what is shadow?

Okay, well, I guess if there's two ways...

I see two paths.

I'm going to charge both paths.

Based on what you're saying, you either have infinite amount of light where there can be no shadow or solid blackness where there can be no shadow because there is no light.

If in both cases there is no shadow, are both things the same?

No.

No, they're categorically not.

Then how would you qualify that as different?

Is one pure shadow?

One's light and one's dark.

What do you mean?

I solved it.

I'm a philosopher.

The shadow has nothing to do with whether there is or is not light in the universe.

The shadow has to do with whether there's a source of light that you occlude as a physical object.

Is casting pure darkness getting rid of the shadow or just darkness isn't cast, it exists.

So, if I get rid of the sun, there's no shadows.

So, that answers it.

I don't know.

There's lots of other stuff that emits light in the universe, but it all basically comes from stars.

It's like that's where the mostly comes from.

Because even if you take the material of a star that was formed and turn it into energy and turn into light, it came from the star.

We all came from stars.

Oh, okay.

Get rid of the stars?

You get rid of the light.

So, make more shadow or just remove light to get rid of.

There is a point where you get exponentially more shadow, but A, if you believe at the top of the pyramid of making shadows, there's a point where it's like no shadows.

So, ew.

The limit does not exist.

Well, okay, maybe it does.

Maybe.

Bob, how would you get rid of the shadow?

I just want to say I thought of this before Wade said it out loud, but I see two paths.

And I thought of path number one before Mark said it out loud.

Uh, I had an even better idea.

I was originally gonna say, destroy the sun, but you know, but but Mark made a good point.

If you're just making light bulbs out of material that was a star, anyway, you know what the problem is: Big Bang.

What you do is buy a safe from Costco, they have safes there.

Go back to right before the Big Bang happens, and

lock it in there, prevent that some bitch from ever banging.

No stars form.

No light is emitted.

No shadows could ever exist or ever have existed.

Boom.

Let's get Neil deGrasse Tyson on this podcast.

He would think of these ideas.

Path number two.

And I thought of this before the subreddit complained about it.

What we need to do is develop AI so that it will help humanity evolve as fast as possible.

Develop AI tools that help humanity develop, that make cooler AI tools, and all we're doing is accelerating to the point where all

consciousness is subsumed into one singularity, which is a being of pure energy and thus light, and that which emits light does not cast a shadow.

That is two paths.

Have you ever thought of the concept of true nothingness?

You turn into the joker.

Never tell you how nothingness is

the base layer of reality.

Go on.

Wait, I would think that you would think about it, like the philosophical thing of like, why does anything exist?

Not even like why life, why does anything exist in the first place?

But also beyond that, is like, why should it exist?

But also the counter that what even is not existing at all.

And then you start to think about that.

And they're like, that's that's the true shadow.

Do you think there's a theoretical, like even just one singularly small definable point in the universe or in existence, perhaps in one of the multiple universes or however physics might define it, where there actually is nothing, including background radiation, including light emitted from the most distant of stars.

Like is just as a thought experiment, could that exist?

A point where there just isn't anything, including anything that could exist in any metaphysical way?

I don't think so.

I know.

I mean, I have no scientific basis for this, but like, whenever.

Oh, none of us do.

That's fine.

Yeah, that's not going to stop us.

Yeah.

I say two paths: yes or no.

All right.

He's what's that guy's name?

The fucking.

Jordan Peterson.

Yeah, Jordan Peterson.

How'd you know exactly who I was talking about?

I don't know.

Something about

how you were thinking.

I was like, that looks like Jordan Peterson.

Yeah.

You got yes or no.

Anyway, nothingness.

In one sense, yes, but at the same time, no.

There's, there's like, for, because it's like real, absolute nothing, for nothing to be nothing and absolutely nothing.

It's kind of that

asymptote of impossibility of like, if, if it's in the universe, it can't be nothing.

But everything outside of the universe would technically be nothing.

But would it?

Because true nothing would be like nothing existing at all ever.

And it's like, what even is that state?

It's something that we can't comprehend.

But in the universe, for there to be a pocket of nothing, I don't think that's true.

Because even like most pockets of nothing have been touched once by light passing through it, and therefore

that's fabric of the universe.

And what is the fabric of the universe?

Unless there's a safe floating around that we put nothing in prior to the Big Bang, and then that safe made it into the universe.

If we all start a big bucket brigade and we start putting the stuff, passing it along into the safe, we'll all eventually get to nothingness.

So, if we all start today, I think we'll get there.

You ever heard of the starfish story where you got a starfish on a beach and you throw that into the nothingness, and you're like, hey, do you exist or not, fish?

It's yes.

Is this a 2019 charity stream now?

I see two paths for you, fish.

Either you give me a dollar, or I'm throwing you this fucking ocean.

Which is gonna be starfish.

You can raise money for charity with fear or with love.

I see two paths.

I like the two paths that's come out of this.

I hope that beam lives on.

It won't, but I hope it does.

Dear Pathhouse Forum.

In one sense, it's a pile of hay.

In another,

the greatest lover you've ever known.

You just know there's absolutely a clip out there of Jordan Peterson.

Someone poses a question and he's like, I see two paths.

It's like 100%.

Allegedly.

All right, let me go through points.

I think that's what we're doing now.

We're doing points.

Then we're doing the other thing.

You do whatever you want, man.

Well, actually, I'll start with me, I guess.

I'm the easy one.

All right.

I have one point for I have liquid Greg.

Can you vape me?

Bob, you have points for musical baby.

What's in the box?

Coin flip.

Adam Savage.

Eggs, six and a half minutes.

Ice Witch.

No, Ice Bath.

Ice Bath.

That's ice bath.

Ice bath.

Peanut crow.

Did the Bob mocking voice.

Tony Stark, Scraps in a Cave.

The Cigarette King, Cult Prediction, which I actually didn't even do the cult one, but he predicted I had it on the list.

Caitlin Clark, Geese Book of Information, Light vs.

Dark, AI, Flick Your Nuts.

No, flick your plants.

Do I get any points?

Jesus Christ.

How many points you get?

I'm sure you got a lot of points too, buddy.

Two

paths.

I got the

I I see two paths.

There's a lot of points for two paths.

I'm not going to lie, Mark has more points for two paths than you do, even though you originated it because he did the callback like twice.

I brought it back, so I was the first callback, right?

Oh, Mark accidentally pieced himself away, editors.

Mark needs to be invisible now.

That's got to be a rule of the next council.

If you ever make this,

your camera has to disappear.

If you happen to do this for some reason, you peace out.

Put universe in a safe.

Bob, that's a total of 18 points.

That's enough to win, unless it's not.

I see two paths.

No more points, but I liked it.

Mark, you got points for Minority Report, Blue Berry, Amy's something horror,

motivational dick, fake egg, Amy's Crow Ecosystem, Perfect Banana.

Orc Pro, Sports Pro, two paths, callback.

That was before I knew it was going to be a big thing.

King of the Zombies, two paths.

Again, mob

torture.

Mob.

Probably mob torture.

Move to Canada.

Remove the sun.

Philosophy.

And rain point.

Assist Bob.

That puts you at 16 points.

All right.

So Bob is currently ahead by two going into this.

Damn.

All right.

Even if I get three half, I don't even think I have a half point for Mark on this.

I don't think you do.

You know what?

Half point for Mark.

Put it on the wheel.

All right.

We'll do that in a second.

Let's see how many spins we get first, shall we?

Need at least two.

Two it is.

Let's die.

Let's die.

Come on.

Don't put half a point for Mark on the board.

Don't put it.

No, I'm so sorry, but that's what I'm adding.

Fuck.

It's okay.

Two spins.

Whoa.

Woo.

Most locked in.

I'm not going to lie.

I got a lot of fucking tabs open.

You had callbacks, but callbacks isn't the most locked in.

The one I would say you struggled with the two-sentence.

What was the topic where you were just like.

It was the goose one.

I might have to give that one to Bob, but kind of.

There's still a chance.

There's still sudden death.

Yeah, there's chances.

Hey, look,

half point for Wade is right next to half point for Mark, even though I shuffled it three times.

Come on, golf rules.

Come on, sudden death.

Oh,

Oh, I had a great time, but I don't know.

I feel like we were all having a pretty good time, but Mark did have a very good time.

You know what, Mark?

I'll give you the point.

You can have it.

So the final score is Bob with 19, Mark with 17.

All right, Bob, you won.

Congratulations.

Winner speech.

Feels good to win.

It feels almost like I won last time, and then also somehow at the same time, I didn't win thanks to the wheel, but like I did on the merits.

Anyway, I'm not going to, I don't, I'm not.

I let that go.

Clearly, I'm not holding on to that because I've won today and I earned it.

And I see two paths.

I think the next episode is either going to be really, really good and we're all going to have a great time, or

maybe Wade and I have a handshake deal that's going to come into play.

And maybe we'll have to talk about that later.

I guess we'll find out.

Well said, Mark.

Today's loser speech is brought to you by Venmo.

So you probably heard of Venmo, but did you know that Venmo is more for paying friends behind everyone's back to try to bribe them for a win?

It's true, with the Venmo debit card, you can spend your balance in so many ways.

Like Wade,

I could send you a bunch of money because you're such a good friend to me.

A little late on that.

A little late.

Okay, sadly for me, I can't Venmo my way out of being today's loser.

So, yes, I didn't do my best at some of those answers, but hey, there's only one path for me.

I want everyone to post videos of themselves crying on the subreddit.

Flood it with tears.

Subreddit defend me.

Once again, loser speech brought to you by Venmo.

You won't be crying with Venmo's new debit card.

Whatever your thing is, you can pay for it with the Venmo debit card.

Visit venmo.me/slash debit to learn more.

Venmo purchases restrictions apply to the Venmo MasterCard is issued by the Bancorp Bank A pursuant to license by MasterCard International Incorporated card may be used everywhere MasterCard is accepted.

I didn't read that any faster than I normally would.

That was no, I think that was kind of

yeah.

Venmo purchase restrictions apply.

The Venmo MasterCard is issued by the Bancorpengan A.

Pursuant to the license by MasterCard International Incorporated Card may be used everywhere MasterCard is accepted.

Well, good shows.

Bob will be hosting the next one.

Appreciate you, boys.

You can follow Bob at my skirm, market, marketplier, me at minion777 or Lord Minion777.

Merge

soon.

We'll find out whenever someone else says something about it.

Until then,

podcast out.

This episode is brought to you by Welch's Fusions, the newest drop from Welch's fruit snacks.

We've got to warn you about the consequences of eating Welch's Fusions.

It's like three dudes hanging out on a rooftop talking about the future.

Three dudes hanging out on a rooftop installing solar panels to provide a sustainable future.

Three dudes on a roof installing solar panels so that they can power their computers and record their brilliant idea for a podcast.

Pretty awesome consequences if you ask me.

New Welch's fusions are so good.

Each one is a combination of two fruity flavors in one juicy bite.

One flavor on the outside, another on the inside.

It's an unbelievable taste sensation, so they are recommended for experienced taste buds only.

You've have been warned.

New Welch's fusions, please use responsibly.