We Hate These States

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Good evening, gentle listeners or watchers, and welcome to Distractible.

This episode: manipulative Mark sharpens sticks, enhances ornithology, then regally wrecks the greatest republic.

Bohemia Bob makes an aquap,

bows to peer pressure, then removes the island's Patriots Party and Packers.

Romantic Wade is loved up with Cicardea, picks on Pennsylvania, the Windy City, and the Lone Star.

From popsicles to population loss.

Yes!

It's time for...

We hate these states.

Now sit back and prepare to be distracted and enjoy the show.

Hello, welcome to Distractible.

Thank you for joining us for another evening and or morning, or you're that weirdo that's staying up until midnight for when the episode releases.

Hey, you're the best and weirdest of them all.

Thank you.

But this is Distractible, the show where I'm the host and these two are the competitors in the game of my choosing, which is usually made up and half fleshed out and and not quite done, which is no exception on this episode.

But before we get into any of that, we're going to discover what's going on in our lives or the world around us.

You know, it doesn't have to just be our lives.

The world, you know, exists outside of this podcast.

Oh, but oh, this is Bob and Wade.

Sorry, I didn't even say that.

Oh, okay.

I didn't want to step out of turn, but hello, hi.

Hello, hi.

I really want one of those old,

they're still called popsicles.

The kind of like came in like the package, and they were liquidy, and you put them in the freezer, and there's like the orange, the red, the pink.

You mean like otter pops?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, Ethan went on a big thing about otter pops during when it was on.

So I don't know why, but somehow you doing your intro made me think, I want that.

His intro specifically made you feel that?

I wasn't thinking about it, and then he started talking, and I was like, ooh, one of those sounds real good right now.

Huh.

Didn't get that at all on my end.

You know, merge.

Wait, too soon.

We'll do that later.

And podcast.

Oh, I almost said it.

So I don't know if I talked about this on the.

Are we doing small talk?

Sorry.

Yeah.

We're doing small talk.

Yes.

yes okay this is i don't know if i talked about this on the show previously but james uh

uh uh splash tables i think is what they're i don't know it's like a little table you fill it up with water and he plays in it right it's just like you play with toys in it whatever it's really good summer toy because it's like it's not just running a sprinkler it's like a set amount of water so you don't just you know blast water or every witch away.

And last summer, he got one of those and I looked at it and I was like, you know what would be really sick?

There's like a top and a bottom.

and if you put, if you pour water in the top, it like rains and it's really fun, but you have to physically like take a bucket and pour it.

And I was like, what if I buy, what if I get like a, like an aquarium pump and I'll feed a hose up to the top and I'll set the pump in the bottom and then it'll like cycle the water.

So it's always raining.

And I did all this research and I bought one thing off the internet and it didn't work.

And I bought another thing off the internet and it didn't work for other reasons.

And it was all that, like literally my setup would be like i have an external battery pack with like a usb cord running to the pump into water it's all this just the sketchiest and i was like i spent a lot of time trying to home through this thing never quite worked right eventually i just gave up and whatever on the internet yesterday i was uh presented with an ad for exactly that product made in the simplest most concise way possible it's just a thing you drill one hole, you set, and I looked and I was like, this costs less than one of my multiple attempts at doing it myself did.

Son of a bitch.

But anyway, I bought one.

So James is going to have the dopest water table to play on this summer.

And I'm pretty excited about it.

That's cool.

Well, also, I'm an idiot, and I can't ever, I always am like, I'll just do it.

I'll make it myself.

I'll homebrew it.

No, I should probably just buy it.

Whatever I'm going to make, it's either not going to work or it's going to be so fucking terrible that I just wish I would have bought it.

Wouldn't want to put your child in the way of that.

Like,

it works, but the whole water table's electrified somehow, even though.

Like, I don't know.

Maybe I should just let a company hold on to that liability for me.

I'm sure they wouldn't do anything to harm my child.

Right?

Companies care.

Yeah, of course.

And especially these companies, our sponsors.

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It's a great show.

I'm excited for another season.

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Whatever you're into, it's on Prime.

You know what I got into recently?

Pens.

You just find them on Amazon.

They're just out there.

And pens is not a weird thing to be interested in, so don't say that.

Me?

It's been Prime Video.

And then the last like two weeks, I was like, you know what I need to do?

I need to watch every war movie ever made like today.

Whatever it is, Prime helps you get more out of whatever passions you're into or getting into.

Head to amazon.com/slash Prime and follow your obsession wherever it goes.

God,

that was some amount of sponsors.

I love those guys.

Sure, hope we don't get baby eater LLC.

Oh, no.

Here at Shock Your Baby, we make sure to shock your baby.

Oh, and since I'm talking about buying things, Mark, can I just say you influenced me?

Yes.

You influenced me, Mark.

I know it's what you set out to do.

Do you love it?

Oh,

I honestly do.

It's really nice.

I don't even know what you held up.

This is, you know, that thing that Mark was using to keep track of points.

It's an e-ink

writing tablet thingy, and there's a little marker on the side.

This is the one that has color, obviously, as the yellow.

Also, I don't know what I just flashed on there.

Editors make sure it's horrible.

Put it in Guam.

You influenced me, and it's awesome.

I'm not using it today, weirdly enough, but it is really, really interesting.

The only reason I'm not using it is because there's a pencil and a pen, an old school pencil sharpener here.

Ooh.

So I.

And they work so well.

Like, I haven't used these since school.

Do you guys remember the one, the manual crank that used to be on the wall in classrooms?

Those honestly work really well, too.

The only problem with those is you have to wait in line to use them because it's like, oh, everyone get your pencils out.

And like five kids would be like, I need to sharpen my pencil all at the same time.

Waiting in line to sharpen your pencil is just such a strange thing.

I mean, I'm sure there are still schools that do sharpen your pencils, but just like, I haven't had to deal with that in so long.

I couldn't tell you the last time I sharpened a pencil.

Actually, that's not true, but I use

in the garage for like woodworking stuff, I use carpenter's pencils.

I just sharpen it with like a utility blade.

Like, you don't, there's no, because it's a big square thing anyway, but like a pencil, like putting it in and the like, woo-woo, woo, woo, woo, that whole thing.

What a, what a weirdly nostalgic thing.

It doesn't smell good, actually.

I think this has been handled by many people.

Did you ever see if you could fit your fingers in there?

Did you ever have that intrusive thought?

No.

There was a kid.

No, I'm just saying.

It wasn't me.

Did it work?

No, a kid sliced up his finger.

Oh, damn.

I had that thought, but I was always, I was that kid who would be like, ah, nah, I can't do it.

Nah, I'm a.

But like, I had the, I definitely had that intrusive thought a lot.

It didn't get like shredded like you would think, because it didn't go all the way in.

But the front, whatever the sharpener was, it had a front like round like metal tube, and that was sharp.

So it cut a circular hole right in his sharp shape.

Oh, I don't like that very much.

I'm going to deduct a point for myself for that.

Yeah, that's not good.

Don't like, don't like.

I didn't mention this last episode.

It still hasn't happened yet as of now, but it would have been Monday as of the release of this episode, I think.

Doing my math right.

Molly and I have been together seven years, over seven years now.

And Ginger is seven years old because her birthday is our anniversary.

And Presley is about to turn seven years old.

And it's wild all of this has lasted that long.

I didn't expect it.

Like death or what are we talking here?

Something.

Like, you know?

Thought this marriage would be shambles by now.

What are we talking here?

I had kind of a rocky childhood growing up.

So I think like part of that just has like my mindset is always like, well, the other shoe is going to drop at some point.

Enjoy it while you got it, but you're going to lose it.

That's just kind of like the way I feel about things.

It's not very optimistic.

That's fair.

I don't know if it's pessimistic, but it's just been kind of like my experience.

So I call it, it feels realistic to me.

It's just like, nothing lasts forever.

So you will lose.

But so far, knock on wood.

This whole thing's lasted.

Are you knocking on wood?

Are you?

Are you knocking on wood?

Yeah, you might want to actually find some wood.

Yeah, I got a wood floor.

I tapped my toes on it.

Is it a real wood floor or is it a vinyl plank?

I would make sure.

You gotta find some wood fast.

It's in the I know that office is in the basement.

I know that that's unlikely to be real hardwood.

Napkins are made of paper, which is made of wood, right?

Napkins are actually made of lignin.

Which is extracted from wood.

Well, I've got an elephant shit diary from Tyler.

Does elephant shit count as wood?

I've heard it both ways.

Maybe just maybe just knock on some shit.

Cardboard's wood, right and cardboard's just compressed paper but if if you count paper as wood

it's closer to wood than paper is cardboard i like to call it partially wooded paper then again i don't know what i don't know what cardboard's made of so what do i know i might be completely off base on that actually is paper even made of lignin why do i think that i don't i have no idea lignin balls

give yourself a point oh wait mark's hosting i'll give myself a point anyway and i'll just give it to me at a future date yeah yeah lignin uh lignin cellulose.

It's the, I believe it's the binder.

Editor, cut this out.

What am I talking about?

This is so boring.

What are we doing here?

What are we doing here?

Talking about Lignan.

Oh, God.

Someone make a dick joke.

You did it.

What are you

being so upset about?

This is what we do here.

We talk about things.

Whatever fascinating thing strikes the moment, we talk about it.

That's true.

That's true.

Plus, if you hadn't brought it up, we wouldn't have got to hear Wade's brilliant Lignin balls.

Yeah, anniversary.

It will will have happened by the time this airs.

Relationship in shambles.

That's what I wrote the point as.

If I do a bad job, it could be.

I guess we'll see.

Don't mess it up.

You know what's at stake.

Seven's not that important of a year, right?

So maybe I'll give her a coupon to Penny's or something.

Coupon to make you a sandwich?

Damn.

I'm not.

I'm not.

It was a bad idea.

That was a bad idea.

That was a bad idea.

That was the joke.

Hang on.

Wait.

No, it's funny.

It's funny.

It's funny.

All right.

I not to brag about myself but i've always been a very bad gift giver um i'm just notoriously terrible at giving gifts weird flex but okay i have been making it a point of getting better and this latest gift that i got her i think really it was a lot cooler than i thought it would be because i thought it would be pretty pretty neat um but this i think i really really fucking nailed it this year because i got her image stabilized binoculars okay she's been doing some bird washing There's this app that like has bird noises and it recognizes what bird species and you can kind of log what it is.

Merlin?

Merlin.

Yeah, Merlin.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

So she's been looking out for him and I didn't even know this was a thing.

You can get binoculars that you put a battery in there and when you press a button, it'll literally stable it like it stabilizes a camera.

Just all of a sudden the image, because holding binoculars is always like, uh-uh, and then you feel sick after a little bit.

None of that.

Press a button, instantly stable.

It's awesome.

That's pretty sick.

If anyone out there is looking for a good gift, it's not cheap.

It's, I believe it was 700 bucks for this one.

But it was good.

It was good binoculars.

Well, for what it is.

Yeah.

They're really nice.

And with the MS stabilization, they become infinitely more usable.

You can just like, you can track things and spot them.

We were watching people climb up this mountain.

Amy saw a bird eat a tarantula.

Damn.

Something about that is making me itchy.

Probably the tarantula part.

The bird eating the tarantula.

Oh, yeah.

Like, that's like, wow, that's cool.

But also part of me is very much like, ah, don't say that.

Yeah, well, the more disturbing part of it was that she was watching it dig in the ground, right?

So she was like, oh, it might be going for, I didn't see it at the time.

So this is the story.

She was watching it dig in the ground and it was really scratching at it and it was flinging dirt everywhere.

And it was kind of going at this hole that was already there.

And she wasn't sure if it was going after like a chipmunk or something.

And then as it's digging for like five, six minutes here, it just pulls out.

Like, if I'm, if my head is the bird, size,

massive, just tarantula.

And she's seeing it all in extreme detail, gigantic.

And what it made us realize that all the holes in the ground in the entire area were probably tarantulas.

Yeah, no, that is the thing.

I think I've told this story once before on the show, but we, when we lived in the Bay Area, Mount Diablo is a big thing up there.

You go up top of the mountain, there's an observatory.

We went up the first time I ever went up there, I think it was the first time Mandy did.

We got up to the top.

We just drove right to the top to see the observatory and the overlook.

And we got there and like, you know, people were milling around, sort of talking to people.

And someone was like, Man, if we were here two weeks earlier, we just missed tarantula mating season.

And I was like, I don't care for that, but what happens?

And they were like, oh, all the tarantulas come out of their holes in the ground and they're all just frantically running around looking for other tarantulas to fuck.

Apparently, there's a time of year on Mount Diablo, and I assume everywhere else tarantulas live where it's mating season.

And so they all just come out and they're just like, oh, ah, and they're like, they're frenzied and they're looking to

reproduce.

And I don't even know what tarantulas do.

Lay eggs, I guess.

So tarantulas have like a college hell week, basically.

Yeah.

But so if you're there, then there's just tarantulas fucking everywhere.

But they like ignore humans and everyone else because they're just looking for other tarantulas to like.

make some babies.

This is very arachnophobia for me, like the movie.

I just, I don't like this.

I don't like this at all.

No, it sounds terrifying.

I would not care for that.

I mean, that's what happens when the cicadas come out, I think, is they're just out there.

That is happening right now here.

Oh, is it?

I don't know if this is one of the big ones or not, but like one of the walls of our house, we have like 13 shells just like groped up side by side.

And there's a whole bunch of like the little cicadas that have just like shed their first skin that are like standing on like flower pots and stuff.

So I don't know.

This might be one of the big years.

I don't remember if this is one of the, was it 19 years, cicadas, or whatever the hell it is?

17 or something like that.

17.

Whatever it is, there has been an emergence that started like two days ago.

It would be, if it was the big one, that whole wall would be covered and every tree would be covered.

But yeah, I don't know when.

I keep hearing or I keep thinking each summer that it's going to be like, oh, this is the big one?

No, no, not the big one.

I thought this was one of the years.

Let me see.

It might be.

It might be this year.

Yeah.

I just like the idea that, like, because cicadas all make that noise, and that's one of the things when there's a big hatch,

there's that just constant like cicada buzz.

But I love the idea that that's their equivalent of a guy just being like, oh,

that's that's what it is.

Fuck me, fuck me, fuck me.

Thousands of cicadas are just like,

Brood 14 is having their 17-year emergence in southwest Ohio this year.

Oh, God.

Oh, you're, oh, man, it's going to be nuts.

I hope so.

If that's the, if this is the 17-year one, which it says,

holy shit, it's going to be crazy.

I'm excited.

I remember being down in Kentucky whenever there was one in Kentucky.

You're excited.

What's wrong with you?

It's going to be hell.

And like, you go out in the evening and like you can hardly hear because it's just like all of them making noise.

It only lasts like a month, but like.

Yeah, it's so loud that it's fucking annoying 24-7.

It's only a month.

I think that's so cool.

Spiders, no thank you, but the cicadas, I love the cicada noise.

I think you've forgotten how bad it was.

Yeah, I'm seeing that too, that this is 2025 is brood 20.

No, what is

brood 14.

Yeah.

17-year cicadas is happening.

Oh, good.

Hooray.

Yay!

I loved it as a kid.

Maybe I'll hate it as an adult, but I love this as a kid.

Apparently, we're not in the dead center of it.

It looks like we're kind of on the northern edge of the area, but being in southern Ohio, we're close to it.

That's why I think Kentucky was like where it was like insane, whenever we went down to our grandparents' market.

the map is showing like Tennessee Kentucky

West Virginia up into Pennsylvania are like the the spicy states okay yeah because down by Lake Cumberland I remember one of the broods was nuts I remember there was one when we were like in like middle schoolish age that was pretty wild but it was not the 17 year one it would have been a different one this apparently is because I've noticed a bunch of shells hooray Hooray.

Oh, that's good to know.

Well, you guys, oddly enough, we're segueing right into the topic, but not in the way that you would imagine.

It's something you would be mentioning a lot.

Sex?

Screaming?

Maybe.

There will be screaming later, but brooding?

Probably.

A little bit of that.

I got a call.

I got a call from the big man upstairs.

Santa?

Direct orders.

We're downsizing.

Ooh, we should fire away.

No, not like that.

We're downsizing America.

Oh, thank God.

I got a call.

We got too many states.

We need to knock it down.

We need to start chucking out the states that don't matter.

Now, you're not going to look up anything.

This is vibes.

We're knocking out states.

We're getting down to 13.

That's what it started as.

First flag at 13 was 13 colonies, became 13 states.

That's the number that they want.

It's not about me.

It's not my want here.

It's about what the orders are from on high.

Got it.

Okay.

Some people think we need more states.

Looking at you,

Greenland Canada.

We got to keep those two.

We got to keep those two states.

We got to keep those two.

For everyone on red, these are jokes.

These are jokes mocking an insane situation.

We got to keep the American, the American canal.

Got to keep that.

We make jokes about ridiculous situations.

Sometimes we say things in a serious tone, but it's actually a joke.

I.e., Stephen Colbert, whenever he was on the daily show a lot.

I mean, he still, he pretty much still does a similar thing.

He's still on TV.

I don't know if you're familiar.

I am.

I've not seen the show much, but yeah.

So I don't want you to look up anything because, number one, it's also going to be a test of you guys can remember all 50 states.

I could recite them all right now.

Don't.

Okay.

So we're going to take turns, and you're going to nominate one for deletion.

This is not rolling a state into another state.

We're not going to merge the Dakotas to get the number down.

This is eliminating states.

They're going to be carved out of the United States, and they're going to be chucked into either the Atlantic or Pacific Ocean.

Whatever's easier.

I've got my first state ready to go.

Or the Gulf of America?

Gulf of America, of course.

All right.

So I'm going to.

Oh, I don't.

I'm like.

Guys, I don't have my corner.

Ooh, that feels like a violation of distractible council rules.

Is that?

You think I know the council rules?

I don't fucking know.

I think I saw a penny here somewhere.

Mark, I've got one you can borrow.

Oh, penny.

Oh,

hey, look at that.

Oh, wow.

We're really downsizing.

Mm-hmm.

All right.

So it's a 2011 penny with the D on it.

Got that weird shield on the back.

Got my diploma from the University of Cincinnati that year.

So heads is Bob, Tails, Wig going first.

Tails.

Tails.

That's me.

Never fails.

I'll allow you guys three vetoes.

We're going to discuss it.

It'll be an open discussion, but ultimately, you know, it's the person nominating.

We're working together on this.

I get it.

Yeah, we're working together.

But if you really feel strongly that one state should stay, you can veto it.

But this is kind of a communal thing.

It's only the turn as to who's proposing one to delete.

So you both get three vetoes, and we're going to whittle it down to 13.

This will be easy at first and getting incrementally harder.

I think the first state is something we will all agree on.

It makes sense.

And it's really the only choice, I think, that may be unanimous.

Pennsylvania's got to go.

Why is it going to be the first one you pick?

I mean, I get it.

I understand why.

It had to come from me.

I couldn't let Bob get to it before me.

I won't

ask any more details about why

I think I get why, but.

Pittsburgh.

Don't name any names.

Jesus Christ.

It's got to be Pittsburgh.

Well, at least we're not in Pittsburgh this time.

Fuck.

Nothing like standing on a stage in front of a bunch of people from Pittsburgh and be like, fuck you, Pittsburgh.

I fucking hate you guys.

All right, let's have fun.

We're here to have fun.

If this was cities, I would get rid of Cleveland before Pittsburgh.

It makes you feel any better.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, hey, whoa, hey, hey.

Hey, calm down.

Whoa.

I'm just saying, listen, from a sports take side, Cavaliers love the Cavaliers, but God, the Browns exist and they shouldn't.

What?

How are we going to be mean to the Browns for?

Deshaun Watson.

Okay, that's a recent development.

He has not to represent the Browns as an organization.

He represents the current Browns organization.

Yeah, well, wasn't that a mistake?

The contract, the decision, all of it.

Anyway, Pennsylvania.

All right.

Okay.

All right.

Okay.

All right.

Any veto, Bob.

No, I get it.

Like, I don't have the same hatred in my heart as Wade does, but I get it.

We don't need two Ohios, is kind of where I'm coming from.

All right.

And we already have, I'm assuming, we all want Ohio to be in.

So maybe

we'll find out.

We'll find out.

I don't want to downsize my own department here.

All right.

Pennsylvania, gone.

Cut out.

Thrown into the Atlantic.

Pittsburgh is basically like other Cincinnati, right, Wade?

Sadly, kind of.

All right, there you have it.

Not so different after all.

That's the thing.

It's projection, right?

The reason he hates Pittsburgh so much is because he can see that it's like Cincinnati, but it's like a slightly bigger city with better sports teams.

Yeah.

Somehow, all of their sports teams range from very slightly to substantially better than all of our sports teams.

But we get to make the decision, so they lose.

That's what you get.

All of our fans from Pennsylvania, don't worry.

You're going to be in good company of Offended real soon.

Push-push might have survived the NFL vote, but the team is gone.

Goodbye, Eagles.

Bob, what's going next?

Let's start easy.

South Dakota.

South.

All right, instead of North?

Yeah.

Yes.

No discussion to be had here.

Seems like South Dakota is gone.

North Dakota, don't feel confident.

Yeah, I wouldn't get too comfortable.

I feel like, much like South Dakota, we have very little to say about it.

It's just gone.

Well, that's good because we're never going to get through these if we debate it too much.

All right, Wade, back to you.

I've been thinking about this one, and it's a little tough, but I think it's got to be said.

Illinois.

Ooh.

Illinois.

Why?

Why?

I don't truly hate Illinois as a state, but if we go back, let's not be too petty here, a couple hundred years where Cincinnati was a thriving trading metropolis of the United States.

There was a city that emerged that kind of put its thumb on us and squashed us like a bug, and that city was Chicago.

Chicago ruined our lives.

It's an awful place to have to drive through.

I personally don't like visiting it, and it's responsible for the complete demolition of all of Illinois today.

Goodbye, Chicago.

Goodbye, Illinois.

Cincinnati, we're rising again.

He's just cutting down

Cincinnati's enemies here.

I don't see what his strategy is.

I'm eliminating my rivals.

Wayne has a list here.

I got to say, driving in Chicago does suck.

I think anyone, including Chicago, would agree with that.

But it is an absolutely lovely city, beautiful place.

I don't even know if I've been anywhere else in Illinois.

They have a bean.

I'm going to use a veto just to keep Chicago around because I fucking love Chicago.

Okay.

Can I veto a veto?

Nope.

No.

I love Chicago.

Fields Museum,

the planetarium, the Shed Aquarium.

You think Newport Aquarium is cool?

Which, again, not even in Ohio.

You think Newport's cool?

Shed Aquarium, a whole other world of aquarium.

I actually prefer Atlanta's Aquarium, I'm being honest.

Don't even get me started on Georgia.

All right, calm down.

You're saving Chicago?

Illinois has been cemented.

That is going to last into the 13.

I mean, let's be honest.

I kept Chicago.

I like Chicago.

I don't know much about about the rest of Illinois, but I love Chicago.

I'm keeping that.

All right.

Okay.

All right.

So Illinois is locked in.

Now we got to move on.

Bob, what do you propose?

Let's go small.

Rhode Island.

Rhode Island.

Rhode Island.

Take that, Rhode Island.

I forgot we still had them.

Yeah, though, that's the thing, right?

It's like,

what's even there?

Providence, I assume, is all of Rhode Island.

I don't even know what else is in Rhode Island.

I think there's one bridge just connecting two other states.

There's probably lots of stuff, but no one ever talks about it.

I don't know.

Couldn't tell you.

No, we always joke about how small it is, but I've never actually heard about anything that's there.

There was a TV show based in Rhode Island that my mom really liked in the 2000s.

It was about a veterinarian who lived in Rhode Island.

I think it was called Providence.

That's the most I've ever heard about Rhode Island in my life.

Get out of here.

No offense.

Pettiness makes me want to veto just because you vetoed mine, but like, honestly, I don't know what I'd be saving.

So I won't disagree.

Well, Molly, the 3D artist who worked on iron lung sia

is also from rhode island i believe not my movie that's all right so you're right there's gonna be some collateral damage all right so we're gonna put this list out before all these moves are made official so everyone has time to relocate now maybe he'll hire tamantha from cincinnati you okay all right

wade what's next Alabama's got to go.

One, roll-tide, kind of done with it.

Plus, they're, you know, now their coach is gone, they've fallen down a little bit.

But the reason is we need less avenues for people from Florida to get in.

Alabama's gone.

They've got to go through Georgia.

It's harder for Florida men to escape.

I always thought that was a weird state motto.

Alabama, Florida's highway to the good parts.

So Alabama's got to go.

I'm sorry.

I don't have any connection to Alabama enough that I care to veto that.

I also find Roll Tide quite annoying, not going to lie.

I like this because it feels like Wade wants to keep Florida, but segment it from the rest of the United States.

No, I'm not.

I don't want to give away my strategy, but yes, a little bit.

I don't want to give away mine either, but yes, you're on the right track.

All right, cool.

All right.

Alabama's gone.

All right.

Bob.

New Mexico.

I think we should give it back to old Mexico.

I don't think we ever should have had that one.

That just seems rude on our part.

Okay, they might have to fish it out of the ocean, but I suppose it's finders' keepers at that point.

Um, Wade, any objections?

New Mexico, it's beautiful, New Mexico is beautiful, Santa Fe is amazing.

We didn't do any shows in New Mexico, did we?

No, no, I don't know that I've ever actually been into New Mexico, and I never will be because it's gone now.

So, yeah, no, that's fine.

All right, it's gone.

I've only ever driven through there, really, but you know, it is just gorgeous.

I mean, that whole area of the United States is just if, oh, man, the mesas and everything, the landscapes.

All All right, Wade, what's next?

I'm still kind of fighting over my loss of Illinois.

I'm still a little upset about Illinois being here.

Let's go with Massachusetts.

I was just in Massachusetts recently.

Whenever we were going to conventions,

it was actually one of my favorite convention centers was the one in Boston.

But Harvard turned me down when I applied for college.

I'm petty and I remember.

Navigating Boston.

flying into Boston.

And I'll never forget the taxi or Uber ride where the guy just had a middle finger out each window whenever we made the mistake of saying we were running late to get somewhere and scared the shit out of us and demanded like a big tip before he let us out of his car.

I don't know if you guys remember that or not.

Or even if, Bob, you were there, but we were going to like some kind of maker studio party or something.

We were running late.

And this guy scared the fucking shit out of me.

I don't think I was there for that.

Plus, I have some friends in Massachusetts.

Fuck those guys.

I'm not going to fire for Massachusetts.

That's okay.

It was one of the original 13 colonies or something, right?

It's kind of like out with the old, in with the new.

It's like, get out of here.

You had your time.

Yeah, I sort of thought we were going to, yeah, I'm with you, Wade.

I I sort of thought we were going to spice it up.

If we're cutting back to 13, why would we keep one that's been here the whole time?

They had plenty of time to convince me that they deserved a spot.

They had their chance.

Look what they made.

Gone.

Tea party, more like

sleep in the sea.

Got them.

All right, Bob, what's next?

I'm going to stay small.

New Hampshire.

New Hampshire?

I've heard it's lovely.

I've heard it's beautiful.

It just seems like we don't, it's, it's, it just seems a little nah.

I'm using a VTO on New Hampshire.

Really?

On New Hampshire?

I got to save New Hampshire.

My favorite late-night host of all time was Craig Ferguson.

And one of the best bits I remember was whenever Jeffrey Peterson, his skeleton, was talking about having a second home, a vacation home in New Hampshire.

And I go back and watch that clip and laugh every time I see it.

It's one of his funniest bits.

Damn.

All right.

Historical site.

New Hampshire is the

Craig Ferguson historical site in my mind.

Got to save New Hampshire.

Well, okay.

I guess that's locked in there.

Two of the 13 spots is just like we said.

Why would we keep the old ones?

New Hampshire's not Massachusetts.

We can agree on that, right?

It sure isn't.

Those are two different places.

I'm glad we agree.

All right.

So vetoed.

New Hampshire locked in there with Illinois.

All right, Wade, what is next?

Michigan.

And it's not even because I hate Michigan.

I'm not like an Ohio State guy or anything.

I actually have enjoyed my time in Michigan.

Ohio is known as like the heart of it all, right?

And I'm an Ohio man.

Michigan with its fucking stupid glove and its extra little growth sticking out.

It gets to be two places at once.

It just thinks it's better than us.

You know, these states aren't going to come after you.

You know, you don't need to strategically kill your enemies.

Not anymore.

They're gone.

To say it.

All right, okay.

Any objection to Michigan?

Yeah, I'm going to have to use a veto on that one.

That one's going to be.

Come Come on, man.

Listen,

we only need one lake state, and I know everyone's going to be like, oh, 10,000 lakes, Minnesota.

Michigan is the one.

You know why the lakes are so great?

Because they all touch the greatest lake state of all.

Except maybe that one that doesn't.

But close enough.

But if Michigan was gone, we would be the lake state.

We would have all of them.

I think it would just be one big lake.

I guess, yeah, they would rush into Philly would be, yeah, I guess.

I don't think we want that.

Take away that veto, Bob.

Come on, give it to us.

It's

locked in.

Fuck.

Also, I was born in Michigan, and almost all of my family is in Michigan.

So that was Bob's second veto.

Now, Bob, it's back to you, though.

I'm ready to shed some dead weight.

All right.

Let's go for Oklahoma.

Oklahoma.

It seems a lot like northern Texas to me.

No offense, it just seems a lot, it seems seems very similar i feel like we only need one of those if if we need any of them and oklahoma is not the one i think we should keep all right any objections can i object in the future do i have to object right now you don't have to veto you could give a reason not to but it's kind of his call can i can i hold my veto i i potentially want to veto oklahoma but it but it's pending something else it it would have to be now like it it it's now or never i feel like we could circle back i'm totally unless you have an opposition to it mark i'm fine i'm gonna put a bookmark on oklahoma but I'll let it go for now.

I will let you put Oklahoma to the side, Bob, if you want, and you could pick another one, and then we could set Oklahoma over there.

We'll save that debate.

All right, well, I've got a real winner here.

No way you're going to oppose this unless it's another New Hampshire situation.

Maine, just nip the tip.

Just nip the tip off there.

I know a couple people from Maine.

It's got to go.

It's got to go.

All right.

Maine, gone.

Nip the tip.

Tip's been nipped.

Wait.

All right, let's get the big one out of the way here that I was going to get rid of.

Texas.

Damn.

Texas has some great places.

It's a big state.

Love my time in Austin.

Honestly, San Antonio as well.

But, like Bob was saying about Oklahoma, do we really need it?

Do we need good Texas or do we need empty Texas?

That's kind of the question you're posing, I guess.

No, I mean, it's like if you eliminate tech, Texas is such, I mean, okay,

I'm just the arbitrator here, but I will say texas is so large so many resources just from a landmass perspective like it touches completely different biomes it's enormous okay we bleed it then we discard it what that's not an option i disagree but you did propose i'm not i mean you did propose it i'm proposing texas look let's be let's just let's just put the cards on the table We have Florida.

We've already got a problem child.

Do we need Texas and Oklahoma?

Do we need all three?

Those are not even remotely similar types of things.

They're problem children.

They're different kinds of problem children, but they're problem children.

I'm trying to identify a pattern of what Wade's going for here, but I can't really piece it together.

So, yeah.

Don't try to get in here.

You won't find a way.

All right, Bob, that's just, do you veto it?

I just feel like I have to hold on to my veto.

I've only got the one left.

I've really been aggressive with it.

I would if I had another one to give, but.

Damn, Texas, into the Gulf of America, you go.

I've spent a lot of time in Texas recently, and it was like, you know, I don't like some of the things that Texas does.

I've had some great memories in Texas, honestly.

But no one,

but it's gone.

Bob.

All right.

Well, if we're going to, if we're going to go at each other like that, Minnesota.

Oh, man.

My wife's from Minnesota.

My in-laws are from Minnesota.

The Twin Cities has some great food.

Goodbye, Minnesota.

Gone.

Gone out of here.

Wait, you do realize we're trying to have 13 at the end of it you know but all right it's fine

one second

no it's gone just

all right it's gone all right wade

colorado oh colorado is a beautiful place vacation spot got the mile high city snow lots of marijuana no real reason to get rid of it but i'm gonna i feel like that was one i was gonna leave and see if it made the cut because i do like colorado but i definitely have no i'm not fighting my i'm not throwing my veto in on it.

So you sure?

Are you just trying to get him out of his vetos?

Are you trying to get me to use my vetos?

I have no connection to Colorado.

I mean, uh, that'd be a weird strategy.

What's a strategy?

I look, I'm just trying to build a better country here, okay?

I'm throwing darts at a dartboard and seeing where they land.

Weird.

All right, bye, Colorado.

We're gonna be left with like all of the middle states,

just a big empty plane, Bob.

I do.

As much as I love cheese, I'm going to go ahead and throw Wisconsin under the bus.

Okay, Wisconsin.

Any particular reason?

I just eliminated my wife's family.

I can't also then fight for their rival.

Wisconsin's gone.

So yeah.

My lifetime of experiences with Packers fans alone is enough to disqualify Wisconsin from remaining.

All right.

Wisconsin has been sunk into the ever-growing Greater Lake.

So that's cool.

Eventually, it's going to be the greatest lakes.

It will.

It will eventually.

That's true.

Wade.

I want to throw two out there, and I want to pick one of the two, but I don't know which one I want to get rid of.

So I kind of want to hear arguments.

Kansas or R.

Kansas?

Otherwise known as R.

Kansas.

We only need two that have Kansas in the name, or we only need one, rather.

We have two.

We only need one.

We might need none.

I don't have a strong argument for either of them.

Wait, Kansas City Chiefs.

That's Missouri, Kansas City, right?

Yeah, it's in neither of those.

Yeah.

You want a handshake to get rid of both?

I'll do one if you do the other.

You know what?

Yeah, let's do that.

Any state with Kansas in its name, gone.

All right, so we're going Kansas is your pick, Wade.

And then I'm guessing going to Bob Arkansas.

Our Kansas is my pick, yes.

All right, okay.

We're gone, gone, and gone.

And Missouri for me.

Got to get rid of Missouri, Missouri, too.

Any objections to Missouri?

Man, the Grim Reaper is speeding up.

All right.

Any objections to Missouri?

I didn't realize Wade was going to be so gleeful about this.

I'm definitely not saving my last veto for Missouri.

So, sorry, Missouri.

Bob, what are you getting rid of?

I feel like Wade just got to do like three, but we'll just keep moving.

Kind of, yeah.

This is a tough one.

And I'm going to, I have a very close friend who's not going to like this.

I feel like Washington and Oregon are very similar, and I gotta say, I prefer Washington.

Damn, sorry, sorry, so I'm gonna throw Oregon out there.

Portland, very fun city, lots of fun stuff.

Seattle, more fun in my experience.

Sorry,

I'm gonna throw Oregon out there.

All right, and you guys will be happy to know that was our 15th elimination.

We're getting there, only uh 22 more to go.

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Bye now.

All right, Wade.

Let's go, West Virginia.

Great song.

I have family in West Virginia.

I've had some good memories there.

Love the mountain mama,

but sometimes mama's got to go.

Sounds like a winner to me.

All right, cool, Bob.

What's next?

You know what?

This might be controversial.

I'm curious what Wade's going to do with this one.

Let's go regular Virginia.

Bird and Foo are in Virginia.

I visited there.

They have some great restaurants.

They want me to even consider moving to Virginia.

Eliminate temptation.

Goodbye, Virginia.

Virginia is gone.

Make them come where it matters, Ohio.

If Ohio less, we.

Who's been vetoed so far?

What states do we have locked in?

Michigan, Illinois, and New Hampshire are locked in.

I still can't fucking believe New Hampshire, but whatever.

Me either.

Now that I'm looking at it, I regret that veto, but it's too late.

Why did you do that?

Like, I have nothing against New Hampshire.

That's just really confusing.

That is.

I don't disagree with you.

I think I was high at the time.

12 minutes ago, I was fucking wasted.

And now that I'm sober.

I had just dropped acid.

I had snorted cocaine.

I had dropped all of the drugs that probably have to be censored out of this episode.

I had done all of it.

But now I'm clean, and I'm regretting New Hampshire a bit.

But the two people that watch this from New Hampshire are probably very happy I saved them.

All right.

Is it my turn?

No, wait, no, no.

I just did regular Virginia.

that out of here?

Oh, that's true.

Wade, yeah, Wade said yes.

Okay.

Let's go Connecticut.

Connecticut?

All right.

Loved their basketball team growing up.

I had a lot of Huskies jerseys.

I used to root for like a Mecca Okafor and stuff whenever he played at Connecticut.

I have one gripe with Connecticut, and I think it's severe enough that I'm comfortable letting them go.

Spell your name correctly.

How about that?

Connecticut.

Get out of here with that crap.

Is that how it's spelled?

Even I, I might have spelled it wrong.

Yeah, Connecticut.

Connecticut.

There is a second C.

Excuse me?

No, I didn't think so.

Damn.

All right, it's gone.

Connecticut is gone.

Not connecting anything anymore.

All right.

I want to throw a twofer out just to sort of save time.

And I feel like there's a lot we can agree on here.

Both of the Carolinas.

Both Carolinas?

Wow.

Yes.

I lived in North Carolina for six years.

I really hadn't mentioned them because I thought you would veto North Carolina.

I thought that was one you'd save your veto to save.

I did not enjoy living in North Carolina.

Law school aside, not my favorite place.

Even like the Outer Banks and Wilmington and whatever.

Nice beaches.

I'm pretty sure there's a racket, allegedly, in one of the Carolinas where...

The police and judges are working together to give people from out of that state speeding tickets and then force them to come back in person to protest it.

Otherwise, they forfeit and have to pay the fine.

I've heard a bunch of weird stories of people driving through getting a speeding ticket for going, you know, like 10, 12 over, which people do go.

And that is speeding, to be clear, that is breaking the law.

But it's odd that how it's structured a way where you almost have to get an attorney in that state to fight for you on your behalf in court to dispute a speeding ticket.

It's a whole weird thing.

And so I say goodbye, corruption.

Hello, freedom.

We're doing a twofer here.

Yeah.

So which one?

Saving some time.

Saving one time.

Who's doing?

I'm actually keeping track of who is eliminating what here.

So I would like to throw North Carolina out officially.

So I guess.

I'll take South Carolina and, you know, Bob helped me balance.

I'll help him balance.

Okay.

That's fair.

And then it's back to Bob.

It would be really funny if he vetoed South Carolina after I agreed with him.

Yes, it would.

Yes, it would.

All right.

Let's keep moving, shall we?

Georgia.

Got to throw a veto.

Damn.

I had a suspicion.

Yeah, you were right.

I got to keep Georgia.

Any particular reason why?

It's been a lot of time, a lot of good memories.

I like peaches.

Savannah, Georgia is really nice and pretty.

It's like the one East Coast beach I kind of like.

I actually wanted to keep Georgia.

I just assumed you would veto it, so that really worked out.

I would.

Yeah,

it's on my list of places to keep.

You didn't mention the aquarium.

The aquarium is great.

Coca-Cola,

I think their main headquarters is in Georgia.

Too many good things there.

I can't lose.

Savannah is really awesome.

We did our honeymoon in Savannah.

It's great.

So I'm down to one veto.

We're both down to one veto now, right?

Down to one veto apiece.

Yep.

All right, Wade.

Um, we got rid of one of the Dakotas, right?

We got rid of South.

Okay, so let's go, Idaho.

All right, potatoes be damned.

Idaho on the shopping block.

Idaho is like, well, man, they're not even going to remember us over here.

Oh, sorry, Idaho.

I don't even know anything about Idaho other than potatoes and Boise, I think.

Yep.

Oh, and Desmoins.

Is that Idaho?

Or is that Iowa?

That's Idaho.

Des Moines, I think, is Iowa, right?

We'll never know.

I already forgot because it's already gone.

All right, it's gone.

Idaho.

Idaho, I don't know.

All right, Bob.

All right, this is going to be a big cut.

Wyoming.

Wyoming.

Why was it ever a state?

Goodbye.

Couldn't tell you even what's there.

It's so mean.

What's the capital of Wyoming?

Russia, probably.

Get rid of it.

Whoa.

Who you marked?

I think Moscow is what you're looking for.

That episode still lives in my head where it was like, pick a state in America.

Russia.

Look, man, this isn't about me.

It's a big time callback for those that are confused.

I don't even remember what that episode was.

I just remember that bit, and it sticks in my head.

Look, man, don't mock me like this.

Don't mock me like this.

Good times, good times, good times.

Okay,

who's wade?

Let's go Arizona.

Out of here.

Out of here.

Too hot.

They have some Tucsons and some Phoenixes.

Grand Canyons there, but like we can dig a ditch.

There'll be cool canyons after all these states are gone.

Are we smooshing everything together, or is it lots of water in between here?

Um, let's see how it shakes out.

What looks prettier.

Maybe it'll look pretty with all those other states gone and not smooshed together.

Yeah, we're going to become like a big island nation.

It'd be kind of crazy.

All right, Bob.

All right.

I don't know how people are going to feel about this one, but I'm going to check out Nevada.

I know Vegas is fun.

Had a lot of fun times in Vegas.

Not fun enough that I feel like I need that in my new country that we're constructing here.

Been there twice.

It's a cool city.

I don't have that strong of a connection to it.

I got to let it go.

Gone.

All right.

It's gone.

Bye-bye.

How many more eliminations do we have?

We still need a good dozen or more, don't we?

Yeah, it's a good bit left.

All right, let's get that other Dakota out of here, whichever one it was.

Man, it lasted a long time, that other Dakota.

Well, we were just keeping that one around because we knew how we felt about it.

Get out of here.

We let it hang around longer.

I feel like I have another easy one.

Beautiful state.

Tons of great stuff.

Don't need Utah.

That's fair.

Goodbye, Utah.

Wait.

George Washington sailed across a river here famously, but it's one of the OGs, and I don't really care

nor do anything about it.

Goodbye, Delaware.

Delaware.

Man,

all the companies incorporated in Delaware are going to be really mad.

Hey, come to Ohio.

Wait, does getting rid of Delaware piss off corporations?

Yeah, because they have next to zero corporate tax rate.

No, yeah, I just hadn't thought about that.

Yeah, get them out of here.

Love that.

Love that for us.

Wade, you're spending a lot of time looking to your left.

I'm not going to lie.

I made a list of places I want to keep.

It doesn't seem like a list you need to read when you're nominating places you don't want to keep, but

I'm not going to protest this too much.

Okay.

All right.

I have another controversial one.

Wait, did we do this one?

Maryland?

We've not done Maryland.

Nope.

I really like it.

I lived in the DC area for a summer.

I really like the area.

I feel like I could do without the Maryland side, though.

Sorry, guys.

Sorry.

Sorry.

Damn.

No, get rid of it.

Okay.

All right.

It's gone.

I'm not really questioning anything anymore.

Who knows?

I hate that this one lasted longer than Minnesota.

Minnesota deserved better than what it got.

It really did.

Iowa, I love corn, but like, what else you got for me?

You know, we're downsizing the population anyway.

We don't need that much corn.

Oh, Iowa grows corn.

So, yeah, the only thing I know about Iowa is the Iowa caucus.

Isn't that a thing I feel like I could live without in my rest of my life?

I do have family in Iowa, and my father's family originally was from Iowa, but I only have the one Vito left, and I just don't.

It is mostly corn and pork, and it's good corn and good pork that Desmond's place is there.

And Music Man is from Iowa, but no, sorry, Man, this is getting heartbreaking now.

All right, Bob, we're really getting down to the nitty-gritty here.

Apparently, I have something against new places, but I feel like New Jersey needs to go.

All right.

Not on my list.

Goodbye.

All right.

Goodbye.

All right.

Okay.

That's an easy going.

Cool.

All right.

Wait.

Louisiana.

New Orleans, beautiful, fun party town.

LSU, Joe Burrow went to school down there.

They have one of the greatest teams of all time.

Historical.

They've been through a lot.

Beautiful state.

They got their crawdads and whatnot, but didn't crack my top 13, so it's got to go.

Oh, Boseman is in Montana.

Yeah, Louisiana can go.

Okay, all right.

Louisiana gone.

Wait, did we do Montana?

Did I miss?

Did I fall asleep for Montana?

Montana's gone, right?

Didn't we do that?

Montana's still here.

No, still here.

I nominate Montana.

You are connected to the most random place.

I'm not connected to Montana.

I just know Montana is a vast beautiful scenic state with you we've already eliminated many vast beautiful states name one colorado it's not a state anymore false we got rid of it its logic is undeniable wade is inevitable i will concede montana i've got i've got too many that are more important than montana but i do like i did want to keep montana it was on my list all right here's the thing it also got rid of the super volcano at the same time we dug that out chucked it in like a bomb into the Pacific Ocean.

Problem solved.

No more super volcano risk.

So that's good.

That is good.

That is good.

That'll help me sleep at night.

Pennsylvania's gone.

Michigan's locked in.

We got to keep Michigan.

But I'm feeling a little cramped here in Ohio.

And I think the logical choice is to get rid of Indiana.

Then at least there's some space between us and Illinois.

I got to keep Illinois.

Just get rid of the buffer.

Give me some space.

It's Indiana, the buffer state, as we all know it to be.

Any objections?

Nope.

All right.

I was just thinking about one.

Where did that go in my brain?

Hang on a second.

That's the Tennessee.

That's the one.

Tennessee.

Tennessee's going away.

Lot of culture of Tennessee.

There is a lot of culture in Tennessee.

Country music basically originates from there.

Well, it's not originate, but beautiful place.

Went there there for a senior spring break.

But

goodbye.

Man.

Damn.

All right.

Well,

I think I know how I'm going to get Wade's last veto.

I'm excited about this one.

And Wade, it's your turn.

Mississippi.

M-I-S-S-I-S-S-I-P-P-I.

We don't have to learn that shit anymore, do we?

More like M-I-S-I-S-S-I, bye, bye-bye.

Sorry, Mississippi.

Your river is really big.

Just got bigger.

I think Wade was on to something.

We need more breathing room.

Kentucky.

Damn, Kentucky.

Well, part of Kentucky is basically Ohio.

So, like, I would be maybe down if there's a movement to carve off the cool part that's down, you know, in sort of the tri-state area and keep that annex that into Ohio.

But we're not doing that.

Mark made it pretty clear.

We're not doing stuff like that.

So the rest of all of Kentucky?

Nah.

There's a lot of bad in Kentucky, but man, the Cumberland Lake and River, Cumberland is just so awesome.

It's okay, we have Michigan, got all the lakes you need up in Michigan.

When I vacation, I don't want to go north to Fucksville, I want to go south where it's warm and more paradise-y, you know.

Yeah, nowhere in Kentucky is Fucksville, that's for sure.

No, most of it is, that's why I'm debating.

It's on my list of things to keep, but do I want to use a veto for it?

Your last veto?

Nope, goodbye, Kentucky.

Okay,

and with that we're at 13 states

oh god

would you love to hear the new united states

wait how many did you think were

i thought there were at least three

I've not been redoing my list since we eliminated two, so I was like, there's got to be some more.

We were so worried about all the big, beautiful states we got rid of.

Nobody touched my boy Alaska.

No, I wanted to keep Alaska.

Alaska and Hawaii?

No, no bigger or more beautiful state than Alaska.

Oh, you've got to keep Alaska.

Alaska, Hawaii, Ohio, Florida, and Georgia were like my top five protects.

All right.

Here's the big, beautiful list.

We kept California.

Yeah, I like California was one of the ones I was considering my last veto for.

That's okay.

It's great.

Plus, all the rest of us can mooch off California because their economy is so good.

Yeah, the fourth largest economy in the world.

Alaska is in the United States.

California, Florida, Georgia, Hawaii.

So far, not so bad.

Illinois's in there.

Michigan.

Nebraska.

Wait, Nebraska survived?

I thought Bob got rid of the Cornhuskers.

There's a different Cornhuskers.

There's many Cornhuskers.

Nebraska made it.

I made a Nebraska joke in the previous episode that we recorded.

Oh, God.

That's why I thought I thought they were already gone.

I would have fought to get rid of fucking Nebraska sooner.

I was like, no, we already got rid of them.

Nebraska's there.

New Hampshire is there.

New York's there.

Ohio's there.

Oklahoma is there.

Vermont and Washington.

Vermont, Nebraska, and Oklahoma are wild.

You fought for Oklahoma, you psychopath.

That's there because of you.

I said I would revisit it.

You got rid of Texas and kept Oklahoma because that was your choice.

I don't regret that, but we could have got rid of Oklahoma, too.

Also, New Hampshire, I'm never going to get over New Hampshire.

Why the shit did you do that?

One late-night joke.

It's a historical site.

All right.

All right.

So here's how I'm going to award the points for this round.

I'm going to award the points for most area cut, most gdp lost

oh no which man wade you are crushing these categories of huge cuts goodbye texas hello points uh and then i can't remember what my third category was gonna be so we'll have to population or something oh yeah that was i think that was actually it yeah most people expunged well i'm

no no it wasn't it wasn't no it wasn't all going to be negative no it was it was there was going to be i had some bad some good see i forget how i set these things up from the beginning.

Well, thank God you wrote it down, right?

What do you think I wrote anything down?

No, it was going to be, it was going to be most area cut, least people cut, and then it was going to be like most money lost.

Or it was going to be.

We're trying to improve.

We want people and money, probably, right?

We want people and money, but not the land can go.

I think that's what.

I don't know.

Looking at what was lost versus what was kept, before you go through points, is there anything we would exchange if we could go back?

Oh, we were going to...

Wait, didn't we set one aside?

Oklahoma.

We set Oklahoma aside, and then we never got back on it.

Right.

Okay, we never got back to it.

Counting is hard, man.

That's why I was so sure you were going to use your veto on Kentucky.

I should have.

And hindsight, Kentucky and Tennessee, I'd rather have than Nebraska and Vermont.

Hey, Vermont's beautiful.

Vermont is beautiful.

Probably a better state than Kentucky, but like.

Okay, I got to do some calculations here.

Nebraska, we got to get something back for Nebraska, right?

I would trade Nebraska, Vermont, and New Hampshire, but I'm not sure what I would trade them for.

I would want Colorado back.

Colorado and Kentucky or Tennessee.

I want Kentucky or Tennessee, one of those.

I would give you Colorado back over one of those.

I like Colorado more than those.

Not sure which one I would pick between Kentucky and Tennessee.

Kentucky's all personal reasons for me, but if it's gone, you know, Tennessee's got some good stuff.

It was a lot of murder.

I didn't see any kind of actual thought or plan with yours, Wade.

That was intentional.

I didn't want you to know.

Wade was all over the map here.

Every time I wanted to think of a state, I did the Alabama, Alaska, Arizona, Arkansas, California, Colorado, Connecticut.

I was like, ah, there's one.

So, if you're, I wasn't looking to my left to cheat.

I went through the song every time.

The left is literally just a list of places I was like, keep New York, California, Alaska, Hawaii, Georgia, New Hampshire, Illinois, Michigan, Washington, Florida, Ohio, Nebraska, and Vermont, I think.

And after all of this,

still somehow, for some reason, not Puerto Rico?

I didn't count territories.

I did have kind of a strategy.

I'm going to be honest.

I did not.

I trusted my heart, and my heart led us to two mistakes.

I mean, honestly, given that it was you and me, we could have done worse.

We could have done a lot worse.

All right, almost there.

Mark's over here trying to hack into the matrix.

I got to calculate the population GDP and area of fucking 50 states.

I can't wait till you have to calculate our color shirts with our backgrounds, too.

Later,

all right.

This is actually a fascinating, uh, fascinating distribution of where this landed.

This is more work than I would have ever put in.

I would have just lied to you guys.

Would you like to know where these numbers land?

Because it is fascinating.

All right.

So, Wade, in your rambunctious tirade, you eliminated from these United States 106

million people gone into the ocean,

sunk, forever,

washed into the abyss.

Bob, you

killed 81 million people, sunk them into the abyss.

It's not as much less as I would have thought.

I think you made good efficiencies cuts without costing us too many lives.

I'm going to give you a point for that all right you you're the lifesaver okay god damn it in terms of gdp one state alone caused this to swing uh

total gdp cut by wake was seven point oh eight trillion dollars cut uh gdp cut with bob 5.57 trillion dollars so in these if in terms of efficiency of cuts bob you came out on top because

you picked Texas for some reason.

So you also said money saver.

I'm making this a better country, Mark.

I'm not focused on the short-term money, whatever.

This is a long-term investment.

You got that right because somehow, Wade, in terms of total area cut, you cut 1.136 million square miles, whereas Bob cut 1.14 million square miles.

Oh, really?

Even with Texas in there.

Wade, somehow you made cuts to those small states, offset the Texas cut.

He picked Rhode Island.

I did get like Montana, Minnesota,

Wisconsin.

I got some of those pretty big, like, plain states, middle-of-the-country states.

Utah's pretty big.

New Mexico is pretty big.

So that puts Wade as the space saver.

So he made the most efficient cuts in terms of.

Oh, wait.

I wanted less.

Oh, no.

I thought I was winning that.

Well, you won two out of three three so far

yeah yeah no no you cut you cut more land bob so okay well so for the remainder the remaining land uh that is left over the population is one 152 million people so still good you didn't cut neither of you cut more than that amount uh gdp's 13.6

well you don't need to you don't have to i think seven states is the right number maybe a sequel

no 50 minutes of cutting seven.

Six states.

That's good bad.

All right.

$13.69 trillion and 1.471 million square miles.

Now I'm going to give another point to who made the best saves.

Who used their veto wisest and contributed more money, population GDP, I'm counting as one category to the new United States.

Wade, you saved Georgia and New Hampshire.

Bob, you saved Michigan and Illinois.

That's a pretty,

I don't know which way this is going to swing.

I feel like Michigan.

Oh, I don't know.

New Hampshire probably.

Well, I don't know.

I don't know.

That's actually interesting.

I'm not sure.

I think I might have the edge.

Maybe.

Let me look.

Okay, so Michigan.

Georgia was probably pretty good.

Michigan, 10,77,331 population.

As of last, Illinois is 12,710, 158.

Population.

That was for yours, Bob.

It's Georgia.

Oh, Chicago is gonna be pretty big, though.

Oh, but Georgia has 11,180,878, and then New Hampshire, five people, that's 1,395.

So, by population, that also goes to Bob.

Yeah, that's fair, but let's look at the other numbers.

Uh, GDP, uh, that's uh 1.1 trillion.

Let's do 1 trillion and 651 million for over there.

Should have saved Tennessee.

Georgia is 888 billion.

New Hampshire is $93 billion.

Oh, no.

I think Bob might have made the best saves.

And I think in terms of land as well, that point goes to Bob.

Bob used his vetoes wisely.

I did it for Craig Ferguson.

I'd do it again.

I would have also saved Tennessee, though.

I think if you'd have used your last veto weight on that last chance, it could have gotten you that one.

But I think Bob

just somehow got the

bonus point for that one.

All right.

And so with that, we come to a close.

Congratulations, guys.

I'm sure this didn't make anybody mad, and no one's going to come after you.

There might be a few states that come to the subreddit and be like, why wasn't I cut?

Why lesson here?

Bob, I have a question.

If I'd used my last veto earlier, would you have made Ohio one?

I thought about doing that as a bit because then I would be like, well, we could just go to Michigan.

I know.

I literally saved my veto because I was like, Bob throws Ohio after saving Michigan.

I would never be able to to live with myself.

I've got to save this veto.

That was one of my choices.

I was kind of, because I was assuming you would save Kentucky.

I was a little surprised you didn't save Tennessee, but I knew it was like your last veto.

So I was like, all right.

Ohio had to be saved at all costs.

Everything else was able to go in the chopping block to save Ohio.

That's fair.

All right.

And would the points stand as thus, Bob?

You got a point for sketchy pumps.

Translamating season.

You got the lifesaver, most population, most money saved, and you made the best use of your vetoes.

Wade, your relationship.

The ship is in shambles.

You failed to knock on wood.

That's what I have this written down.

I feel like we have two very different interpretations.

No one could ever say Mark's bias.

These are fairly distributed points.

Bob, your life's great.

Wade, your life sucks.

I wrote down LinkedIn balls, though, but that's part of the same point.

All right.

And then you saved the most land.

It's like we're very tied.

What do you want to add to the wheel, Mark?

Do we already have something like bloodthirsty or ruthless?

I think we do, don't we?

Most self-sabotage.

No, I got it.

Most time looked off-screen.

Most time looking away from camera.

I do that a lot.

That's that definitely favors me, I think.

Well, I just set my stuff up so I don't have to look.

Like, I'm looking off-camera right now.

This is my Google area, but uh, shall I spin some wheels?

Oh, great wheel, how many bonus points shall there be?

Well, that's not very fun, is it?

Well, that's the wheel.

I'm going to pick viewers again.

It's definitely going to be viewers.

Nah, it's going ball.

It's going listeners.

Uh-oh.

That's a million-dollar idea.

Isn't that technically Bob?

Because

he did technically make the most money.

I had the idea for the water table pump.

That clearly is a million dollar idea because now people are making millions of dollars off of it, I assume.

I think, based on the game we played and you being better at the money part and that idea, I don't have an argument for this.

Yeah, he did save the most money.

So, even this point, I believe, goes to Bob.

I was gonna call it, but this just is what it is.

I'm gonna take my L.

All right, fair enough.

So, a six to three victory for Bob.

He secures it, and he is now king of the new 13 United States.

The new Night States.

We're gonna coin that, it's gonna catch on.

So saith Bob, first of his name.

And here's his speech.

Feels good to win.

Feels better to be king of this new great nation.

I was a little worried that people were going to come after me for my choices, but it's comforting to know that they're all

floating in the bottom of the ocean, I guess.

So, what are they going to say about it?

I think I made the right choice, and I don't think anyone who's left is going to disagree.

Congratulations to us all.

Thank you.

Thank you very much.

My liege, Wade.

Ohio, Florida, Washington, New Hampshire, Georgia, Hawaii, Alaska, California, Kentucky, New York, Montana, Tennessee, Minnesota.

That's what should have been.

But I lost.

My opponent outplayed me, outperformed me, outthought me, outmaneuvered me.

So I salute to the flag of the new

United States.

You know, we did our best.

We axed as we went without thinking.

It turned out all right.

Couple bruises I don't like.

A couple of limbs missing I'd like to have back.

A couple of uh things attached I could live without.

Overall, it's all right.

Charged in like a maniac with a chainsaw, and we kind of got what we deserved.

Well, this podcast is what all of you listeners and viewers deserve, for sure.

Uh, be sure to follow it to get more of what you deserve on a regular basis, or at least be alerted of it, or at least make us look really good in the eyes of the people that care about those things.

All right, follow these guys, Bob and Wade, My Scrim, Lord Many, 777.

My name is Mark Blair.

We'll be back with more Distractible very soon.

Have a good day.

Don't be offended, but if you are, go to the subreddit.

Subreddit.com/slash R slash Distractible.

D-I-S-T-R-H-D-I-B-L-E.

Podcast out.