idk, some "Q"s

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Good evening, gentle listeners, all watchers, and welcome to Distractible.

This episode, Wooden Wade admits to weeping, claims penury, then asks questionable quandaries, made in fair mark, frightens Yogi with D's nuts, has issues with halting James McCarthy, and avoids a nutectomy.

Ball-bashed Bob gets soaring, haunts dongs, performs covert nudity, and wants to taste beaver.

From a frozen open to Mr.

Silver.

Yeah

It's time for

IDK some cues

now sit back and prepare to be distracted and enjoy the show

I know see Countdown or I miss countdown.

I saw countdown.

Countdown was right there.

Oh, you just missed five whole seconds of countdown, yeah.

Man, I'm really on it today.

Over the top, Rage.

Keep this in.

This is the cold open, editors.

This is the start of the episode.

Don't let him off the hook.

This might be part of it, too.

Welcome back to Distractible.

Editors, you heard him.

Keep it in.

Whatever it was.

It's so funny.

Everyone will get it.

I'm the host of today's episode.

I'm Wade, joined by Mark and Bob.

That's me staring at you to give you an opening to say things.

Oh, hi.

Oh, sorry.

Okay.

Oh, okay.

Hello.

And they are going to be competing for points in today's episode.

If you've never tuned in, this is pretty standard for the kind of shit you're going to see and hear.

Very.

Sorry, my nose itches professionally,

as it should.

Us being ourselves, probably not following the script of whatever events we've got planned, I've got planned as being the host.

But it is what it is.

You're here.

You're bored.

Hopefully life gets better for you, and hopefully, we contribute to that.

So, you're welcome in advance.

We usually start by telling each other about how things are going, small talkie type stuff.

So, we'll do that again today.

How are things going?

Mark, you first with words.

Bear,

cow.

You heard it here first.

What are we doing, animals?

I don't know.

There was a bear.

Not here?

Here.

How close?

How here?

Like visiting, staying with you?

There was a bear I legitimately

So I was already in bed and Amy goes like Mark and I run because it sounded urgent and I get over there and there's a fucking bear just like out in the yard Outside right there.

Oh man, that's fun.

There's a glass door and so it's a fucking bear.

It's not huge, right?

But it's big.

It's it's about like it wasn't like a cub.

It was like a grown bear.

It seemed like an adolescent bear.

A white socks?

Yeah, yeah.

Yeah.

But it was a bear.

So it was like about...

So you remember Lucy?

The bear?

Lucy, my mom's.

Yeah, Lucy, the bear.

Oh, the dog.

Yeah, okay.

So about that size.

So Great Pyrenees size, definitely bigger than Chica.

And apparently, and I checked the security cameras.

Chica had been sleeping in her bed, which is right by the glass door there.

And the bear had come up and just was like at the window, staring at her.

And then you see her head go

and they just stare for a while,

and the bear goes like paws the glass, like

right on the glass.

So Chica gets up, wags, then Henry comes over, looks over at the bear, and they're both just like nose to nose on the glass, no barking, no nothing.

Um, and then Amy sees, obviously, and is like a bear, and I run in and I'm like, Hey, get out of here, bear, get out of here, just like that.

Hey, you better leave.

You are trespassing.

I will call the police.

Well, actually, so the bear went around and then we heard rustling in our trash cans.

And I go, oh, no.

So I get a stick and I go outside and I just start whacking the stick on the ground trying to make noise.

And that scared it off for a second.

I went back in, it came back to the trash cans, and then I just went out there and I started like chucking a cardboard box at it.

And that scared it.

And then it just went off.

It was a bear.

I've never seen a bear in person outside of like a zoo or anything like that.

It was a bear.

You just had to find a way to face down the bear face to face in person, huh?

My options?

Stick, cardboard box.

That'll do it.

Yeah, why not?

What?

I'm not going to get my boar spear and go kill the bear.

I don't need to kill it.

I just need to keep it for because it gets through the trash.

It's going to make an ungodly mess.

It's going to go all over the place and I'll have to clean it up and I don't want to do that.

You should have grabbed the trash can lid to use as a shield and then charged it.

All right.

That's an option.

I had a stick and a cardboard box.

So that's what I chose.

All right.

Threw the box and that scared it.

This bear was like, it obviously wasn't desperate and ready to kill.

Most bears aren't, especially if they're in a populated area.

But I've never seen a bear around here.

That's crazy.

I don't think there have really been bears around here.

So, yeah, bear.

Also, I'm not entirely surprised, but I'm like the tiniest bit surprised that you don't just happen to own that bear defense outfit that we've talked about multiple times, that that dude spent his whole life inventing and refining so that

you could withstand an attack from a grizzly bear.

Like, I know that you don't own that, but also if one day you were just like, oh,

my bear outfit showed up, I ordered one and

it just got dropped off on a pallet, I would just kind of be like, yeah.

He has like an Iron Man assembly where like the floor lifts up and Amy comes over and puts like a paw on his hand.

Jarvis.

I appreciate that.

I appreciate that.

But this was, it was obviously, I think it was a black bear, just real small.

There's no grizzly bears in these parts, I don't think.

Or maybe, I don't know.

No, those are in Memphis.

If it would, it'd be surprising.

But yeah, so yeah, bear.

That was crazy.

It's pretty cool.

It was cool.

It was very cool.

Except for going outside at any point, I would have been there in that situation.

I'd have been like, wow, that's cool.

Wow, look at that.

Wow.

It was.

Yeah.

Amy and I afterwards were just like, that was really cool.

It was a bear.

And then the pups weren't scared that much because I think through the window, it just looks like a big dog.

But as soon as they got outside and the bear was gone, this is the next day.

We didn't let him out at the same time in case.

In case that was like the kid bear and the mama bear was nearby on the roof, like waiting with like a bucket.

I don't know why a bucket.

Mama on top of the bucket, like, yeah, come out here.

There's actually a bear SWAT team tucked just around the corners out of sight.

Like, this always works.

The humans will come out any second now.

So, but as soon as they went out and they started sniffing around, Chica doesn't care.

She's so brave, honestly, Chica.

Chica's only been scared of one person in her life

ever.

But this occasion, Henry was, as soon as he started sniffing, he's like, oh, no, oh, no.

And he wouldn't go past the porch.

He was just like, oh, there's a bear around.

That's good instincts.

He's good instincts, yeah.

That's a big muscular pee.

I want to avoid that one.

Think bears hike their legs when they pee?

I mean,

maybe.

Well, you mean like dogs?

Yeah.

Like they squat.

I mean,

probably.

I think they stand up on their back legs, put their paws like this, and just start pissing straight up.

I thought they used trees.

It's like to imagine like a bear, like they're hung over, they go up to a tree and they're just like, oh, God.

They actually came to Mark's door because they wrote a toilet paper.

They wanted some Charmin.

Oh, you guys had the Charmin bears in your yard.

I see.

I see.

I wish we just had cocaine bear.

So sad.

We know Smokey's not in California.

Is that a bad joke to make?

That's probably a bad joke to make.

What was the joke?

Because of fires in California?

Is that...

He's the only you could prevent forest fires, and you all had fires recently, and you know.

I'll take weight.

Yeah, take a point away.

That'll make up for it.

You know what you did.

You guys see my pen?

Oh.

Someone not prepared.

Someone not doing their hostly duties.

Right here.

Well, I...

Look, is it too early for me to already say that I'm just a fake woodworker?

I had this conversation about being a car guy where I was like, oh, I got my cool car.

And then I felt fake about it.

It's been busy.

It's been busy.

We had guests over the weekend and lots of other excuses.

I haven't actually done any like work in the garage, like woodwork stuff in like a couple weeks at this point.

But because I've been so diligent and working so hard, I bought another saw off Fake Puzzle Marketplace.

So, you know, nice.

Are you saws like Mark's Lensing?

I say you're even more of a woodworker.

I mean, these are, these are, I bought the other kind of saw that you need.

So, the first one I got was a miter saw, which is the one where you pull it down.

This one is a table saw.

It's small, and I'm gonna, so I can hang it up on the the wall of the garage out of the way.

It's like a job site table saw.

But if this is what you need to like rip long things into long sticks of whatever width you so choose, right?

It's a different type of saw.

So you kind of need a table saw for a lot of stuff you're going to want to do.

Also, you could do cross cuts on it, and it came with a miter gauge, so I could do other kinds of mitered cuts.

And I'm a real woodworker, I just don't ever touch wood or screw anything together or do anything like that.

But I'm a real woodworker boy.

That's my idea.

I'm real.

It's real.

I want you to know your point for this is

I got a two by four, and the only prescription is more sawbell.

Oh, because of the

don't know why, but it's what I thought of, and that's why I wrote it down.

Yeah.

I'm really funny.

Sometimes

watching you guys look more depressed depressed after each joke is kind of not what I'm going for today.

I was trying to come with you.

I just didn't.

That was a big...

There's a big step in there.

No, immediately both of you looked like the happiness in your life had been drained and all good memories were gone.

I was just trying so hard to come along on your journey, but that's...

I failed.

It's a good thing I'm a host today, not a competitor, because I would.

I look disappointed because I failed myself, not because of what you did.

You both looked like I'd slapped you in the face and killed your families rather than told a joke.

And so that kind of says it all.

I don't think that's how I would look if you did that.

I think I would look different than that.

Some days the comedic genius just doesn't awaken.

And today apparently is one of that days for me.

It's fine.

It happens.

So you're woodworking.

You don't do anything with the wood except for saw it.

I don't even saw it, but I have saws for it.

So that's pretty legit if I do say so myself.

So you have wood, you have saws.

Yeah.

You never combine the two.

I did a little, and then I was like, I don't think that's right, and so I'm not going to do that anymore.

But if I ever need to saw wood, if that comes up, maybe in a different context, you got two saws, yeah, two saws.

I mean, technically, four saws, depending on how you count them and how crazy we want to get.

But four saws, Johnny, two big two, two man saws, and then two sort of boy saws, you know.

How many packs of saws a day?

Becoming a chainsaw?

Isn't that funny?

That was good.

I liked that one.

Yeah, that was good.

Wait, I don't have a chainsaw, though.

Ow.

Did you fucking hear that?

Yeah,

somehow I just had a fidget spinner in my hand that was perfectly silent and it hit the mic stand and then bounced into my crotch and then hit the leg of my desk really loudly.

We heard all the bounces.

So now I'm sad and my nuts hurt a little.

And I don't know where the fuck it went.

It's like gone forever.

Well, whatever.

Anyway, I'm going to finish James' table someday.

It's a six-month project, really, and I'm only two months in.

So

I got a lot of time.

He'll be like in college, his third year of college, be like, James, I've been working on this your whole life.

It's finally ready.

It's like a Fisher Price size like table.

I'm going to have to cut some parts out if I want to get it done by then, but I think I can make it happen.

Cool.

Chainsaws and bears.

No, I don't have a chainsaw.

Why are you going to keep bringing that up?

Sorry.

Good talk.

I have got nothing else new.

I think I shared all of my new stuff.

That's life, I guess.

Nothing happens.

That's life.

Are you okay, Wade?

This seems, I don't know.

I don't think so.

Okay, so look, I'm still wearing the same shirt.

So you guys can tell that either I've been having a hard time or this is recorded the same day as the last episode.

I thought the last episode went fine.

You won.

I figured that was happy.

I'm just, I'm still not mentally recovered from winning.

winning no a couple things that happened yesterday one was not great two was watching the last of us I get emotional man I'm an emotional person when I watch shows and movies sometimes I'm the guy who'll sit there like tears streaming down my face then I'll go watch like 10 other people react to something so I can cry along with them too I'm not okay

I'm sorry not okay I'm sorry thank you Should I send you some flowers or something or no?

I want flowers.

Chocolate?

Are you milk chocolate or dark chocolate?

Mark, I need you to buy the rights to the last of us so we can make it again.

Why do I gotta do this?

You buy the rights to the last of us.

Yeah, Mark.

Because I'm a broke-ass bitch.

You're not at all.

Just because you refuse to buy a car, that actually means you have more money sitting around.

How much money to buy The Last of Us IP?

I don't think that's going to really come up on Google.

It didn't.

It's at least $10 according to my search.

All right.

Well, you can afford it.

That's almost definitely true.

That's more than I'm willing to spend.

Who made this?

Is it Naughty Dog?

Who made Last of Us?

Who's the publisher?

They made the game.

I don't think they made the television show.

Naughty Dog, blah, blah, blah, blah, worth a dollar.

At least a dollar.

I need between one and ten dollars at least to buy this.

I just am not willing to spend that.

This

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This episode is brought to you by Uber.

You know that feeling when someone shows up for you just when you need it most?

That's what Uber is all about.

Like when Wade's house was flooding and falling to pieces all around him, and you showed up just when he needed you to, so you could film it and exploit it for views on the internet?

No.

Whatever it is, big or small, Uber is on the way.

So you can be on yours.

Uber on our way to your house, Wade.

All right, anyway, today's topic.

I wrote down the title for this episode as IDK some Q's.

Okay.

Cues as in

questions, I assume.

Yeah, it's just called I Don't Know Some Questions.

I've got some A's.

Maybe some B's.

C is the next letter.

I got some D's.

Nuts.

Got them.

Air horns.

Put air horns.

There's a lot of imagination on our end for that, but I can hear it.

Editors, do that thing where you have my hand detached and I have to

do it in reverse so that it lands right here every time.

Wow.

That TikTok filter.

It's really easy to do, actually, once you know how it's done.

Yeah.

Boom.

Even I can figure out how you do that, and that's really bad because I don't know anything about anything when it comes to editing.

After my smoky and sawbell thing, I should have had the editors just disappear me from the whole episode.

You guys could have two-manned it the rest of the way, but it's too late.

I'm still in it, so can't leave now.

That's fair.

All right.

First question I've got.

I guess flip a coin and see who goes first.

Mark, you're on my left, so you'll be heads.

Bob, you're on my right, so tails.

I'm standing now, so there's going to be a lot more movement on my end.

Heads, Mark, you go first.

Yes.

Yeah, Bob, I've been standing since the last time we talked about standing, and we all communally did that.

I really should do that.

It's really good.

It's so good.

It's great.

I sit a lot.

You have a standing desk.

You could.

You could.

You won't.

Don't.

Minus a point for both of you for suggesting such a horrible thing to me.

No bald.

You won't.

I just said don't.

Too late.

You said you could.

I said you could, but don't.

First question: Mark, you're up first.

What is the worst job to bring your kid to work to?

Uh,

this is two sentences horror story all over again.

I'll lead you in.

It was bring my kid to Work Day.

Unfortunately, I work at the

No Kids Allowed store.

The Scary Factory.

I don't know why this is such a brain block.

Whenever I try to put this format in my head, it doesn't work good for me.

But hold on.

I got this.

Just let me think.

I'm...

Bob, I guess you have plenty of time to think of your answer.

I already, I had my answer immediately, so I'm ready and not to load it.

I'm just enjoying this.

Woo, you are whoa.

You need to prompt Mark to come up with longer form answers so he doesn't feel so punished.

I got it.

That's a bad idea.

That's the point.

It's a bad idea.

But

it's not clever.

It's too obvious.

It's too obvious.

I need to be more cerebral.

Don't worry.

I've got the obvious one.

All right, good.

A lot of answers you could get.

Yeah, but there's a guy.

I'm trying to get the points here.

I'm just not joking.

Poop shoveler, McDonald's.

Oh, no, those aren't correct.

Book in the library.

Youtube.com/slash markiplier.

I should have started a timer.

I'm curious how long this is going on now.

Oh, that's all the time we have for today's episode.

Thank you all for tuning in.

I hope this is just uncut watching you struggle for three minutes.

I, I, I got, I got it, I got, I got the, whatever, whatever factory the Poppy Playtimes universe is set in, I'm pretty sure to bring a kid to there.

Dead.

And you all dead.

That would be a terrible.

Well, I was assuming you work there, right?

Because you're bringing a kid to your work.

So, you know, you work at Poppy's Playtime and you're like, come on, little Johnny, time to go.

That's how he ends up only having two toes or whatever it was.

Two foot Johnny.

Was it it two toes Johnny?

Four toes.

Two toes Johnny.

Two toes Johnny.

Yeah.

Okay.

I'm going to give you a point for quick answer.

Thanks.

Thank you.

Bob, what's the worst place to bring your kid to work to?

It's definitely the worst place to bring your kid to work to would be to your job at the Philicide Factory.

I was expecting one of you to say, like, strip club or...

Well, I thought of that.

I was on the strip club.

The Philicide Factory.

Do you know what Philicide is?

Or are you just laughing?

No, I do.

The kid killing fact.

Your kid killing factory, right?

Yeah, it's a family killing.

Familiocide?

Philicide?

Philicide.

It would be when a parent kills their own child.

It'd be bad.

It'd be a bad place for bring your kids to work day.

That'd be the worst place.

Yeah, that's pretty bad for the kid, I guess.

Mark's answer was so long that I, in my own head, I was like, that's a great answer.

Ooh, I don't know.

Oh, it stinks.

No, commit to it.

Oh, it's so good.

And by the time I said it out loud, I was back to, oh, that's so stupid.

Oh, no, no, it's not.

I got another one.

We went through the five stages of grief.

You have another one.

Oh, okay.

The clown testing factory, where they test the clowns.

What goes into clown testing?

Are these evil clowns or something?

Well, this is why it's the testing factory.

You got to make sure that they're not scary.

Do I get a second one?

Sure.

It'd be really bad to bring your kid to work when you work as a jungle gym equipment safety tester.

Hey, boys and girls, welcome to Jungle Gyms.

I love the trolley.

Well, the first 10 kids didn't.

Oh, oh.

Cincinnati reference, too.

You know, people were a little disappointed that we didn't at all in the Cincinnati Travel Guide episode even mention Jungle Gyms as a thing that existed.

That is on us.

Yeah.

It's a bit of an oversight.

I guess, so for me, I've always lived here, so it's hard to think about things that are specifically here.

Because Jungle Gyms, the thing about Jungle Gyms is it's a global food store.

Whenever you think of Cincinnati, it's weird to think of a place that all they bring is stuff from all over the world rather than something Cincinnati exclusive.

I think maybe that's why we didn't think of it.

Well, for me, it's like, it's just a funky grocery store.

It's big.

So in my head, I've been to it so many times because my mom loves shopping there that it's just a grocery store.

So I don't ever think of it like a place to go.

Yeah, we grew up with access to it.

So it's like...

the place we can go if we want food directly from the UK or Japan or whatever.

Yeah.

I didn't grow up with it.

I'm just hard to impress.

So I didn't make the list.

Damn.

Bob, you're first on this question.

What would be your final words to your killer?

Is this an honest answer?

If I'm answering completely honestly, it probably is like, whoa, stop!

Wait, no!

More than likely.

I got it.

I got it.

I got it.

Five,

four,

three,

two.

And then see if he runs away scared or something.

Oh man, it should have been tick talk.

No, then he'd think Unisonus.

Oh, no.

Yeah.

And be like, oh, I loved Unisonist.

I'm glad you brought him back one more time.

He's doing the thing right now.

Wow.

Any final words?

Yeah, what are your final words?

Oh.

I didn't think of turning the tables on the killer.

Okay.

Any other answers to that one before I move on?

If I was feeling clever, I might also hit him with the...

If I see the attack coming, just be like, wait, I'm already dead

and see if they, see if they believe me and maybe just give up and run away.

Grab the knife.

You can't kill what's already dead.

Okay, you don't even need to do the cutting.

If you're stabbed, bleed on the ground, he's got his knife in your heart and you're like, yeah, yo, what's already dead?

That's a pretty good, that's a pretty good last words.

I'm not your penis.

Okay.

Yeah, okay.

Yeah, okay.

Mark,

the place you'd least like to be caught naked.

Okay, this is going to be a weird answer, but I mean, the shower, because why am I being caught?

Why am I being caught?

I think that would be a really unpleasant place.

And I am naked.

Worst place to be naked, the shower.

I mean, it's true.

I don't want to be caught.

No, to be caught.

No, he's right.

To be caught naked.

That's exactly right.

That's the correct answer.

I can't even be mad about it.

Do you agree?

I mean, I'll come up with my own answer, but I think Mark is very on point with that one.

I'm glad one of us does.

I definitely would not want to be caught naked in Wade's house.

Why?

What's wrong with being naked in my house?

Well, being covertly naked in your house was really fun, but if I had been caught, there would have been some splinging to do, I assume.

I mean, yeah, that's fair.

I guess it's also depending on where you were, but...

Or what my cheeks had been on.

I mean, caught naked, I didn't mean like captured, just like people see you naked.

Yeah, well, I didn't want you to catch me.

Well, then, yeah, the shower makes a perfect answer.

It perfectly makes sense.

But, but like, if you're just naked in your bedroom, that's okay.

Like, then it's okay to be caught naked.

It's less weird for someone to be in your bedroom and you're naked than for someone to be in the bathroom with you while you're showering and you're naked.

There's a skylight in my bathroom, and occasionally, I do.

Um, I look up and I'm like, someone better not be peering over, you know, looking down at me.

I do check it.

Elon's like, My heart goes on for you.

It's a pun.

Is it?

Anyway, it's fine.

Okay, forget being caught.

What's the place you'd least like to be naked?

Space.

Ah, I was going to say the moon.

That would be worse because then you get all the moon dust in your crack.

Fiberglass factory.

Real-life laser maze.

You really want some kind of skin-tight thing to hold all your bits tight so you don't get, you know, lasered.

Floppy Joe's.

I don't know what that is, but just I like the word.

Is that a place?

I don't know.

I'm taking another point away.

It's fine.

That's fair.

He's going into the negative today.

I'm already negative too wade's angling to get the bonus point for lost most points in this episode i will win today's episode somehow bob i think you're first this time which disney villain has the coolest hair i mean it's got to be hades from hercules oh damn that's such a good it's just blue it's just actually blue fire like that's sick oh that was the answer i could think of a couple other ones that is that's that's a great answer That's a great answer.

I don't know my Disney villains too well, so I can't exactly say I would be able to think of any.

Cruella had the black and white thing going.

That was one of the ones I thought of.

Hades with the fire.

I mean, does it get cooler than the fire?

Because he both has hair and also is bald when someone goes,

I love bald.

Basically pandering with my answer.

Yeah, I got nothing.

Does the vacuum from Brave Little Toaster count as a villain?

Or no, is the vacuum the bad guy?

Who's the bad guy?

No, vacuum's part of the crew.

The furnace?

Is that the furnace the bad guy in that?

Yeah, there's some big recycling thing or something like that.

There's the big, like, metal thing that sucks up the cars.

That's one of the antagonists, I think, right?

The magnet.

Oh, that was scary when I was a kid.

I did not care for that.

The whole movie was terrifying.

It really was.

Every image I see, I looked up Brave's Little Toaster.

Literally every image I see inflicts like discomfort and fear in me.

Oh, I thought you were going to say, every picture I see, there's this goddamn toaster.

What the fuck is going on?

He looks so brave.

He doesn't look brave at all.

He's always scared.

Oh, the air conditioner.

Oh, God.

I hated the air conditioner.

Yeah, the air conditioner is pretty scary.

I thought of one that Wade might like.

Oh, this is not a Disney villain.

Never mind.

That's just a random villain from a movie I thought of.

You can name it anyway.

The Aliens from Mars Attacks.

Oh, God, yeah.

What's balder than bald?

Brain.

That's true.

Hairless brain.

That's the purest bald you can be.

Hairless, wrinkly brain.

Like a freshly shaven scrotum head.

Sorry, I missed what we were talking about.

I was looking at the air conditioner dying and Brave Little Toaster and how that.

Oh, that was satisfying.

No, it's not satisfying.

I that fucked me up as a kid.

I repressed this memory of this air conditioner exploding.

Same.

I hate that.

I hate it.

Yeah, that was a fucked up scene.

Mark.

Is underwear designed more to protect you or your pants?

I'm thinking pants.

Okay.

It must be, right?

Because that's

the human body is all kinds of disgusting.

So we just try to...

We made a diaper that is socially acceptable.

That's underwear.

Bob?

I mean, it's definitely there to protect you.

Obviously, it's there are zippers.

There are seams.

Have you ever worn any of the pants that you wear on a regular basis without underwear?

Because you will discover.

that the inside of your pants is not remotely as safe as the inside of your underwear.

For some pretty specific bits, but some pretty important bits, I think.

I don't remember which way I was leaning going into this, but I lean both ways now.

Good for you, man.

Yeah, that's fair.

I don't know.

Maybe there's not more than one answer to this one, but I thought of this question and I couldn't unthink it.

Why don't square pizzas come in round boxes, but round pizzas come in square boxes?

Because square pizza couldn't wouldn't fit in a round box.

I mean, it could.

But the square hole, everything goes in the square hole.

I just like that phrase.

Everything goes in a square hole.

It's like a trend on TikTok that probably still going on.

Yeah, it's a meme.

I don't know that one of it.

That's right.

Goes in the square hole.

And then the one person always duetting it and getting traumatized by it.

Yeah.

You know what it is?

It's because of the shape of the bags, the delivery bags that pizzas are delivered in.

If companies would start making round bags for them to put the pizzas in to stay warm, then the box companies would have to make round boxes.

But the companies make square bags.

So what are you going to do?

You can't put a round box in a square bag.

That's like putting a round pizza in a square box.

But if everything goes in the square hole, why can't the round box go in the square bag?

A bag is not a hole.

A bag is a container.

Don't you dare equate those two things.

What if you cut the bottom of the bag out?

Then it's just a hole.

That's called the tube.

We've talked about this.

Damn it.

And that's just a pre-cannoly.

I knew you both.

I knew I was going to.

Damn it.

Well, if you knew it, why'd you ask in the first place?

Because I wanted to get there.

The real answer that's very boring is I'm not going to say it.

Oh, I'll say it.

No, it wasn't.

Lobbyists for big square.

That's square lobby bullshit is why that's a thing.

And that's the only reason.

You know, super packs, well, they made super squares.

And it's just, you know, it's just a way for them to funnel funnel more money into the square hole.

What about Super Fanny PAX?

A Squareca puts hundreds of millions into congressional campaigns around the country.

It's unbelievable.

Super Fanny PAX.

There's a reason Square On went bankrupt.

Square on, I was going to say mobile.

Is it mobile?

ExxonMobil?

That's a company, yes.

I hear mobile, and I just think mobile games are like a phone, but it's gas, but it's not on your phone.

But it's still mobile.

Because it moves.

I'll take one other point.

Mark, you have to retake your test for your driver's license.

Which part will you struggle with?

Written and driving.

You have to do both.

Oh, man.

What would you struggle with if you had to retake your driver's test?

I used to be so confident about stop sign, like, etiquette.

Okay.

But I think the rules from Ohio and California are different.

What?

Like, who goes first if you approach it at the same time, depending on the direction.

I think it's like direction dependent, right?

So, my etiquette is right of way means whoever's on the right has the right of way, right?

Yeah.

But then there's some other rule on the California thing, this is about left turns in there.

And I'm like, it's not the left.

No one cares about left.

Left of way, no.

I think I would struggle.

Oh, actually, no, I know that rule.

All my confidence is gone.

The rule is.

I know this one.

You must always give way to the right unless anyone's turning left because fuck them.

That's the rule.

Left,

if you're turning left, fuck you, you go last.

It's something about that.

So, yeah, just because I have no confidence anymore about that one, I don't know.

I don't know what to do about it.

We need more roundabouts.

I can't deal with stop signs.

Oh, roundabouts.

I did not like roundabouts when they first started appearing because they were new and different.

I don't like new and different.

But now that they're old and same, I like them.

No, roundabouts still feel dangerous, man.

Like most people, especially if they're from the area where the roundabouts are, most people have come to grips with exactly mostly what you're supposed to do.

But if you get some random out-of-towner or some delivery driver who's not, like, doesn't do this normally or something, they always, they still feel so fucking dangerous.

So many times where I've had like a, like a spidey sense where I'm like, I think this, like I'm on the inside, someone's on the outside, and I'm like, I think this person to my right might be a fucking idiot.

And I just like give them space, and then they do that thing where you just go straight through the circle and cut into the lane or whatever.

And I'm like, I knew it.

The thing I've never seen happen, but I feel like has to because of the location of some roundabouts, is what happens when a semi or an 18-wheeler has to go through a roundabout?

Well, they just drive right the fuck over those things.

No, they don't care.

Yeah, because some of them do not seem like they're well designed for a semi to like go through.

I've never seen one go through like a normal residential roundabout.

There's some locations where they have to go and they'd have to go through one but i've never seen one do it i've seen semis absolutely decimate like bushes in the middle of a roundabout because they the front they were going around and the back was just like

yeah because like that just seems like such a it happens overthought or oversight oversotted oversighted thing in austin The roads in Texas are crazy as it is, but they do have roundabouts there.

And there's just one in Austin where I think I have seen trucks go through there.

And they just take up both lanes.

That's all there is to it.

They're going to take up both lanes.

There's nothing else to do.

But some roundabouts are just one lane.

They just wedge in there.

They just go to do what they got to do.

That's terrifying.

No, you know what I've seen that is the craziest thing in a roundabout is in my neighborhood where I grew up, we had one road that was a residential road and it was a 25 mile an hour speed limit, but it was kind of the road that went like straight through the neighborhood from end to end.

So it was a good, if you needed to get through around the neighborhood people would just blast down that thing at like 45 miles an hour.

And, like, my senior year of high school, they narrowed that road a whole bunch and then put a bunch of roundabouts in it.

Man, I saw several instances of someone who was just like, oh, I'll take this shortcut and just

straight ahead, like twice the speed limit and ramped off of the roundabouts because they weren't like hard curb roundabouts.

They were like gentle.

And like, literally, you know, soccer moms driving big suburbans or whatever would just like,

didn't stop, didn't seem to hurt the car or anything i'm sure coffee went everywhere or whatever but that's fun to watch from outside i'm sure nothing bad's ever happened because of that it'd be fun to be in the back if you live yeah as long as everyone's fine i'm sure it's great school buses on roundabouts i don't know

bob what would you struggle if you had to retake your driver's test i would be fine on the written part and i would be fine on the driving part but they would Give me so much shit for how bad my vision is.

They make you do the peripheral vision tests and they make you do the reading tests and they make you do it without your glasses, no matter how much you tell them that you don't do anything without your glasses because you can't see shit.

And then they're like, ooh, are you legally blind?

Are you allowed to drive?

And I'm like, oh, I'm not blind.

I wear glasses.

Look, I'll put my glasses on.

It'll be fine.

They always give me a hard time about that.

And I hate it.

I'm really bad at it.

I would struggle.

I actually haven't gone to update my driver's license since I got my eyes fixed.

So I have on my license still needs corrective lenses but i don't need them anymore i wouldn't struggle with that you're gonna get in trouble they're gonna be mad at you my lenses are corrected good thing the police have their uh their four opters and stuff with them so when they pull you over they'll be like better one two

uh it looks like you are seeing 2020

look into the eye elizer i mean they need to give you a a field vision test look into this and blow i mean just look into this

sorry that's the other one.

Is the hot air balloon getting clearer?

Good.

Is it getting closer?

How about now?

How about now?

What's an unconventional animal?

This is to you, Bob.

An unconventional animal whose milk nobody drinks, but you think might be good.

Couldn't tell you why.

Beaver.

Beaver milk?

I think just it just sounds like a thing that would be good.

I don't know much about beavers.

They seem cool.

They're very cute.

Just like if I saw beaver milk on a shelf somewhere, that's one where I'd be like, huh, try it.

Okay.

Beaver milk.

Mark?

I mean, nothing's really jumping to mind of appeal.

Not a good start.

But, but, but, but,

but.

I could do this two-sentence horror story structure if you'd like.

No, I got an answer.

Okay, you convinced me.

That noise is, you know, what convinces me.

It's that noise.

Does it have to be a mammal because...

No, just animal.

Alligator milk.

That sounds like a colloquial drink that is served somewhere where there's alligators.

And I'm thinking that might not be terrible.

That might not be so bad.

That's like what they call moonshine in Louisiana.

Geater milk.

Okay.

I was thinking one of those like

antelopes, like in the Lion King that have like the big curvy horn things or whatever.

Antelopes.

They're just antelopes.

Yeah, that's why I said.

I'm just describing one for some reason.

That's just, they're too similar to the animals that we already drink milk from.

I've never had deer milk.

Aren't antelopes?

Moon milk.

I'm going to milk the moon.

I just think antelopes look chill.

They have some chill milk.

Who am I?

A.

James McCarthy milking the moon?

Got him.

Got to get your biannual A.

James McCarthy jabs in.

Do you think he thinks about York Time he takes a photo of the moon now?

He's like, I hope Mark appreciates this moon.

Maybe, who knows?

One passion in life and you've taken it from him because you said you hate the moon i highly doubt i've stolen it from but there's always hope there's always hope who went first on that one bob did you you did i think so mark you're first on this one what is the most pointless lie you've ever told you lied about and you're like why did i lie about that what is the most pointless lie i've ever told i'll give you a moment i'll tell you one i did i remember going to school And I think Dragon Ball was on the previous day.

And I watched the Dragon Ball Z episode.

And one of my friends was like, hey, did you see the Dragon Ball Z episode yesterday?

And I said, no, but I had.

And then like after I lied, I was like, we could have had like a cool conversation about that.

Why did I lie about that?

Oh, I was like, did you not want to talk about that?

Or I had no reason.

I just like the way they asked it, like, they're like, I forget how they asked it, but they asked it in a way that made it feel like my answer should be no.

So I said no.

Then I was like, I had no reason to lie about that.

I just felt like I should.

School and early school days is ripe for that because there's been plenty of times where, you know, I'm a bit of a loner, but also I was like, man, I wish I had friends to hang out with.

So before I remember as a kid, I would, people would be like, hey, you want to go do X, Y, Z, go hang out here.

And I'd go, no, I'm, I'm busy, even though I would have loved to, like, for some reason, just like, no, I, I could, ah, I wish, but no, and I just wouldn't because I was so awkward and like I couldn't wrap my head around social conversations properly that I would just like, I would just say I was busy.

I wasn't.

Don't know why.

Is that the most pointless lie?

I probably.

I can't think of anything too specific.

That's fair.

Bob?

The most pointless lie I've ever told is that I have a soft rubber ball in my left hand right now.

Is it in your right hand?

Where's the ball?

Where is it?

Where's the ball?

Where's the ball?

I don't have access to a soft rubber ball.

You just set it down on your desk.

Where is it?

Where is the ball?

Where's the ball?

If I had a ball, it would be halfway across the room right now because I would have dropped it already.

No, you have it.

You have the ball.

We are the puppies who want you to throw the ball, and we know you have it.

Where's the ball?

I don't have one.

I told you it was a lie, and it was pointless because balls don't have points.

Also, because it didn't have any purpose.

Well, I don't like that lie, but it is pointless, and it was a lie, and it was upsetting.

Stupid, right?

Terrible lie.

Why would I do that?

What was the point?

All right, Bob.

You're writing an autobiography about your life.

What's the title?

Memoirs of a snake wrangler.

Are we the snakes?

No, it's not a metaphor.

It's just to make it sound more exciting.

It's to bring in a different audience.

If people who know who I am know that it's my autobiography anyway, the title doesn't really matter to them.

But if someone sees that it's an autobiography called Memoirs of a Snake Wrangler, they might, like if they're at the airport or something, they might just be like, well, you're not a two-hour flight.

As long as somewhere in there, you call it the second most pointless lie you've told.

It's not, but that one has a point to sell books i gotta make my publishers happy yeah that is true that's true that is a point pointful pointful lie pointy pointy lie mark what's the title of your autobiography i got a few options uh a life full of promises um

no uh just big nu-uh uh standing tall but falling short standing short but falling tall

Either one.

I'll take both.

Oh, I had another one.

I forgot.

Standing fall but talling short.

Memoirs of someone who absolutely is not a masochist.

All right.

I've got multiple questions left, but I feel like we've done a good number of these.

Mark, what is the worst thing you could have a buy one, get one free on?

That I'm buying.

Yeah.

A biopsy.

That would suck.

That would suck.

If they were going to do it like right then and there.

How many times are you buying bad things?

It's okay.

You gave me an answer.

We can come back if you think of another one.

Okay, all right.

Come back to me.

Bob, what's yours?

If it's something I'm buying.

You're buying and you're getting one free, but wish you weren't.

It would have to be a kick in the nuts.

Why are you buying or kicking the nuts?

You didn't say it would have to be a thing that I would buy.

That's true.

You said it's a thing that I'm buying for some reason.

I would not want the free one.

I would see if I could just get the one and not get the deal, but you buy one, you get one free.

For some reason, what I thought of was a divorce.

Does it reverse it?

Is it like a double negative?

Well, depending on who you are as a person, that might just be a good savings.

Like, if you know you're going to do it again, just

get one for free and bank that.

I guess that's true.

I had testicular cancer in one nut, and I paid for it, and they took the that I wanted for free.

So you're saying the nutectomy.

Yeah, yeah, the nudectomy.

Oh, Bobby, you got another?

A fish sandwich from Long John Silver's.

Okay, hold on now.

I will not accept accept Long John Silver's slander here.

Yeah, I like their fish and fries.

Now, granted, their fries, they changed their fries to the

potatoes.

Yeah, I didn't think they were potatoes before.

You're right.

No, the waffles.

Well, you don't get the fries.

I don't get the hush puppies.

Hush puppies are good too, but

their waffle fries are not as good to me as their original fries, and you get a lot less.

They hardly give you any fries now.

Their discount, I forget if it was Tuesday or Thursday, but their Baja Fish Taco deal got me through.

Between that and McDonald's dollar menu, got me through college.

Like, it was.

I would rather eat White Castle than Long John Silver's.

Oh, come on.

And White Castle's fine.

Yeah, wait, what's going on?

What's happening here?

All of these things give me upset stomach, but if I got a buy one, get one of a Long John Silver's fish sandwich, I would be stuck on the toilet all night.

It would be miserable.

You gotta build up your tolerance.

I wouldn't even eat them.

I'd buy one, get one just to throw them both away.

You're the only two people I know who like Long John Silvers.

I bet there's tons of people who are listening to this right now, love Long John Silvers.

I don't even have one in my area, I would go a lot more.

I mean, they're still open some places, so someone goes there sometimes.

But literally, every Long John Silver I ever see is empty.

The middle lunch rush, empty.

One car in the drive-through, and it looks like they went there on accident because they didn't know what restaurant it was.

Like, it, I've never seen a busy Long John Silver's.

There's no such thing.

That makes me sad.

I have waited in line in the rain for Long John Silvers.

There's just no way that was worth it.

I liked it.

Their batter's good.

Their fish.

I love Long John Silvers.

And in LA, there's only one, and it's down in, where even is that?

It's in Gardena.

So it's so far away, but it's a Long John Silvers slash KFC.

And there's another one that's like way, way, way out east.

So KFC is just subsidizing Long John Silvers in that situation.

I mean, pretty much, but.

KFC is basically just buying a bunch of frozen fish and throwing it away because no one else comes in to buy it.

They get confused.

Fish, chicken.

I don't know.

Put one in the other.

It don't matter.

No, Long John Silver's is good.

I will say I'm not big on Long John Silver's chicken.

I like their fish.

I didn't even know they had chicken.

You can get a chicken meal or a fish meal, yeah.

I've not had it in a while.

Kind of want it.

Now I'm going to have that for dinner.

Enjoy your toilet time.

Oh, man.

Even Moist Critical made a video being like, who actually eats Long John Silver's?

I do.

I'm not being facetious.

In terms of people I know in real life, like friends, family, anyone I actually know, literally you two guys are the only two people I know who don't actively dislike Long John Silvers.

I like Long John Silvers.

If I asked among friends and family, if I was ever like, hey, you guys want Long John Silvers?

Everyone would be like, oh, no.

I really am hungry for Long John Silvers now.

Look at this delicious fish from Long John Silver's.

I love this fish.

Ah, yeah.

Good Long John Silver's meal.

The old fries, the hush puppies.

Look at this.

I'm curious what the subreddit's going to say about this.

Yeah, because when you said sandwich, it confused me because you don't get sandwiches really.

You get like these diamonds of fish and you dip that in your tartar sauce and it's delicious.

Or ketchup.

I like ketchup.

I'm going to be honest.

I don't actually know for sure what they have at Long John Silver's.

I haven't checked recently.

I haven't gone since I was a child.

They have good food, is what they have.

They have good food.

I think it's a conspiracy.

A Long John Silver's or Frisch's is dying in Cincinnati right now, which is very sags.

I also love Frish's.

It's dead.

Dead.

Yeah, it's basically all the way dead.

There's like three restaurants left, but Frisch's and Long John's, the world's a better place with them in it.

When we do this to each other, it's always a thing where a bunch of other people are going to be like, hey, wait a minute, I like that.

I can't wait to see the cricket snouns on the subreddit of all

six people who are going to be like, I mean, Long John Silver's is okay.

I didn't, I haven't been there in a couple of years, but it's fine.

Like, if I, if I needed fish and I was the one place, I could go there.

I could go there.

You're so mean.

I'm not going to lie.

It was actually probably my favorite fast food chain at a certain point in my life.

Oh, man, that's crazy.

When I worked at MicroCenter, there was one right down the road, so I would take my lunch break.

I would just go eat there every day that I was working.

When Burger King had their 90s tenders, they were might have been my favorite.

You know, I'm not making fun of you for liking it either.

I'm just shitting on the restaurant itself because I have strong opinions that are based on very little fact.

We get the bell.

Ding-dong, I ate my food.

I'm thinking back on it, and I remember occasionally asking for Long John Silvers.

I can't remember anybody else in my family ever asking for it.

I'm not gonna fight that oh there's gonna be hundreds it's like there's gonna be tens of us maybe fives there's at least someone else but i genuinely like it look they're still open long john silvers has been in business for decades clearly someone goes in there for some reason your fish is good maybe they have really good bathrooms no they don't actually i i would go to a fast food place if i needed a bathroom and i knew they all had really good bathrooms even if i didn't care for it.

I would not want to go to any seafood restaurant for the bathroom.

Yeah, I wouldn't say I have fond memories of the Long John Silvers bathrooms that I went to.

I don't think I ever ate in a Long John Silver's, maybe once.

Oh, I did plenty of times.

Yeah, I'm just fishing for reasons, you know.

Stop, start.

That's not kidding.

You off the hook.

I'm just casting my net out and seeing what I can find.

Fish.

I would hope it would be fish, but you never know what you're going to get from Long John Silvers.

Shut up the hate.

I'm going to calculate points.

Oh, okay.

How many points did I get for my Long John Silvers jokes?

I could make more.

I gave no points for Long John Silvers to you.

What about me?

You got one for liking it.

Okay, cool.

All right.

I'll take it.

Well, I love Long John Silvers.

How many points is that worth?

Shut up.

Our bonus spin is for dropping the most items.

Oh, yeah, I know.

I do that a lot, don't I?

Yeah.

Well, you did, and it was very comical because it was like cartoonishly slow, but we heard like the clang.

Kerklump.

Splat.

Yeah, it happens.

Splash?

Wait, what's going on down there, Bob?

Well, splat with a T.

I just kind of stinted with the T.

It was splat.

I actually put my standing desk over a hot tub.

He's right.

Oh, wow.

I can't see it, but yeah.

My performance today was pretty mediocre, but I will defend Long John's till the day I'm kicked off this episode or this podcast today.

Till today.

For the rest of today, I'm fucking in favor of Long John Silver's.

I will defend them till today.

Do our wheel spins.

Get me out of here.

Oh, that's right.

I do that.

Don't you want that max?

Cooper loves that shoe too.

Oh, now he's into Cooper's food.

Wow, he is loving it.

What do you feed Cooper?

Blue Buffalo life protection formula.

He never leaves a crumb.

I love it because it's made with high-quality protein, nutrient-rich fruits and veggies, and wholesome whole grains.

Looks like we're switching to blue.

Blue Buffalo foods are made with the superior ingredients your dog needs to thrive.

Can your dog food say that?

Visit feedbluefood.com to learn more.

This episode is brought to you by Welch's Fusions, the newest drop from Welch's Fruit Snacks.

We've got to warn you about the consequences of eating Welch's Fusions.

It's like three dudes hanging out out on a rooftop talking about the future.

Three dudes hanging out on a rooftop installing solar panels to provide a sustainable future.

Three dudes on a roof installing solar panels so that they can power their computers and record their brilliant idea for a podcast.

Pretty awesome consequences if you ask me.

New Welch's fusions are so good.

Each one is a combination of two fruity flavors in one juicy bite.

One flavor on the outside, another on the inside.

It's an unbelievable taste sensation, so they are recommended for experienced taste buds only.

You've been warned.

New Welch's fusions, please use responsibly.

Oh, Mystical Wheel,

please give us some points.

Hey!

Oh, three

bonus points today.

Look at that.

It started off strong, but that's the first three we've had in a while.

I'm ready for it.

Can't wait for our listeners and viewers to both get a point.

And spin number one.

Okay, come on.

Most callbacks.

Callbacks.

It really likes that one.

Does Long John Silver count as a callback?

No, it doesn't count as a callback.

I don't know if it's a callback if it just keeps happening in the same bit.

I did a two-sentence horror story callback.

Who's it?

We all did.

The moon!

The moon man.

That was a callback.

I talked about the moon.

Well, I know.

A.

James McCarthy.

Oh,

that's true.

That is two callbacks to previous whole episodes.

I think it was slanging callbacks.

If I give you Long Johns as a callback, I give that still.

Mark has two callbacks there because his whole moon bit and the probably

we've talked about getting kicked in the nuts previously, so that's probably a callback.

I'm gonna say Mark gets a point for that one.

All right, thank you, thank you, thank you.

Spin number two: 0.4 listeners.

Come on.

Uh-oh.

Oh, this is tricky.

This is tough.

I have a purple background and a salmon-colored shirt.

So each of you would fit better in the other person's.

Mark has a salmon-colored background and a gray shirt.

Yeah, this is odd.

Mark, do your magical math.

Everyone was really a fan of that on the subreddit.

Were they?

Actually, I don't think people said too much about it, but a couple of people were like, What the fuck happened to Mark?

Why did he is he okay?

I'm doing what I'm doing is legitimate.

I don't know.

Oh, God.

How many?

All right.

Wade, what if you just pick?

No, no, no, it's much less scientific.

All right, I'm going to pick this area above my head because it's where the middle of the colors are blending, right?

That's unfair.

I thought you were intentionally trying to not show your shirt for this.

I was like, that feels like cheating.

No, I'm trying to get the average color of my background.

I'll give you access to as much of my background as you can.

You get none of mine.

Okay, I got mine.

All right, let me see yours.

Okay, I'm picking the spot like I did before where the purple meets the gray.

Oh, fuck.

God damn it.

No, wait, it just went away.

God, I never know where those go.

Got that.

I'm putting that in there.

My shirt is shockingly uniform in color here.

Yep, it is.

All right, so I got that.

Okay, I've got your background, your shirt.

In the light.

Shout out to Seth Meyers.

Okay.

Someone write these numbers down for me.

So my shirt, right about in the middle, right the gray right there.

402A29.

402A29.

Uh-huh, that's my shirt.

The background is, if I'm in the middle, is AE542D.

AE542D.

Okay, and Bob's background, it should be similar to what it was before, but God knows I'll.

Okay, we got 2F1846.

Okay.

Okay, and then Bob's shirt.

83393A.

All right, so we convert it to RGB.

So we convert 402829

and AE542D.

So that goes 64, 42, 41 to 174, 84, 45.

That's very different for a total difference of 117.8.

Bob, your 83393A and 2F1846 was 131, 57, 58, 47, 24, 70, a total difference of 91.

His is more close.

All right.

Point for Bob.

All that work for just a.

All right.

Point for Bob.

So much fucking work.

Oh, thanks, buddy.

All right.

Thanks, Mark.

All right.

Last wheel spin.

Thanks for all the work, man.

You're welcome.

Last wheel spin.

I hope it creates a lot more work for Mark.

Point for viewers.

God.

Point for viewers.

God.

All right.

I hope we're tied.

This is going to be statistically impossible by the end of this season.

Like, how many points went to them?

Well, we got one.

Two, three,

four,

five.

Some of them started keeping track.

They're like, our points should accumulate, so by the end of the season, we should win.

We got five out of 22 so far are points for either viewers or listeners.

So almost, almost a quarter of our spins are resulting in two of those out of our however many is on the wheel currently.

That's a little crazy.

Considering how many things are on the wheel, it's very crazy.

Yeah, can we declare that a coin?

31.

Two out of 31 slices on the wheel have been drawn slightly less than a quarter of the time.

That seems pretty unlikely.

You guys ready for the point breakdown?

Yeah.

Yeah, do it.

Bob, you got points for Bear

Smart.

Bear suit?

Bear suit, probably, yeah.

Jungle Gems dropped something, needs more sawbell, fillicide, stop, wait, no.

Don't remember what that was for.

My last words to my murderer, I think.

Oh, yeah.

Hades hair, caught naked at Wade's house.

Soccer mom ramping, lying right now.

Bearer in eight.

Oh, beaver milk.

Beaver milk.

Snake wrestler kicking the nuts.

And you lost a point for standing.

Kind of sounds like I got points for everything I said.

No, I left out a lot of the

long johns and stuff like that.

Didn't like that.

Mark, you got points for bear.

These nuts.

And that's it.

Wow.

I begone.

I don't know what that actually says, but that's what I'm going to assume it says.

Quick of mime, Pappy.

What the fuck happened?

I can't read my handwriting.

Quick a mime to pop.

Poppy?

Was there something about a puppy?

No.

It's right after clown testing.

Poppy's playtime?

Oh, yeah, yeah.

Poppy's playtime, Poppy.

The countdown.

Naked in the shower.

Protect pants underwear.

It looks like it says empathy gooey in square hole.

What happened to my side?

Coins itching in my palm here.

Everything goes in the square hole is what you wrote.

I gotta tell you that for some reason, the top half of these pages, my pen doesn't want to write as well as it does on the bottom half.

So whoever I put on the top, it's a lot harder to read than whoever goes like on the middle or the bottom.

Just the way it works, man.

Middle or the bottom?

How are you breaking these pages up?

it's full if only you could use no you know what that's fine do it do what you want

posent pants jamie's

stop sign

and you lost a point for stand milk moon can't hang out

biopsy not a masochist But you got 15 points, but you lost two.

One for standing and one for

won't be gone or whatever the hell I said earlier.

Which got you 13.

The wheel gave you one to give you 14.

Bob, you had 14.

The wheel gave you one to get you 15.

I finished with minus three.

Viewers finished with plus one.

So it's Bob by one point over Mark.

Mark by 13 points over the viewers, then me.

I feel like some of my points were really long and it could have been two merged together.

So I can read my tallies really easily.

I just can't read my descriptions really easily.

Bob wins, as long as you all think that's fair.

Okay, whatever.

I don't know what's real.

I might struggle to read and write, but I can make tallies.

Arc, you could always.

You're going to go for the multiple wins?

Yeah, what would be the stakes if I did?

So either Bob gets two wins, things stay as is, or you win and Bob loses, I think.

Yeah.

I feel like there's a part of the Constitution where the scorecard must be legible, and that was just a few too many illegible ones.

I declare that there should be a recount

because this,

no one even, he doesn't even know what he gave me points for, and that is unfair.

Oh, he said it.

Unfair has been declared.

If we get three heads, Mark is correct.

You have to read them correctly.

You have to.

The episode will not end until you actually decipher what your writing was so that we can make this fair.

As the host, I decline that.

No, don't try to read now.

As the host, if Mark gets three heads, he'll just win.

I think the host does get to decide what happens, but I like Mark's version.

I get to petition what is unfair, and then he gets if you lose, do you just lose twice?

Or does Bob win twice or both i think either i win twice or mark gives up a win yeah that's that is true we are keeping score of that that doesn't matter well heads for you tails for bob all right

i got a head shit i got heads only mark didn't get mark only mark can prevent mark from winning sounds like what happened today was very fair it was fair it was deemed fair all right whatever you say it sounds like i'm getting a new pen for the next one, just in case.

Took a lot of notes.

I lost points for Smokey, Floppy Joe's, and Mobile.

Well, Mark, being as you are confirmed to have lost fair and square, loser speech.

I don't even remember what happened in this episode.

I kind of blanked out there for a little bit, but I declared unfair.

And, you know, honestly...

I think the coin lied.

I think this was still unfair.

I will not abide by it, but I can't do anything about it.

So...

I always love when I host an episode, and before the episode's even over, it's been so forgettable that we don't even know what happened.

Bob, winner's speech.

I think if there's anything we've learned over our years of doing this show, it's that coins don't lie.

Coins know the truth.

Coins are the ultimate fairness.

Coins can't even be unfair because they're just coins.

They have no will of their own.

They just tell you what is or is not.

I feel very vindicated that the coins confirmed how fair this episode was.

No matter how much shit I talk about Long John Silvers, I just can't lose a point if I try.

I mean, it's fair.

And so, anyway, thank you to the coins, and I guess thank you to Wade for not being able to write, but only on Mark's part of the paper.

And I look forward to hosting the next episode, as is fair and deserved.

Oh yeah, I'm supposed to talk again now.

I'm just still so disappointed in your dislike of Long John Silvers.

I'll do the outro if you want.

No, it's okay.

If you guys haven't already, make sure you follow Bob, our winner, my skirm.

Mark at Mark Applier.

Me, I'm the loser, based on the points.

Oh, that's true.

No, that's true.

Me, the loser at Minion 77 or Ward Minion 777.

Follow our viewers on the subreddit.

They got third place.

Pretty good.

Listeners, do better.

Podcast out.

This episode is brought to you by Welch's Fusions, the newest drop from Welch's Fruit Snacks.

We've got to warn you about the consequences of eating Welch's Fusions.

It's like three dudes hanging out on a rooftop talking about the future.

Three dudes hanging out on a rooftop installing solar panels to provide a sustainable future.

Three dudes on a roof installing solar panels so that they can power their computers and record their brilliant idea for a podcast.

Pretty awesome consequences, if you ask me.

New Welch's fusions are so good.

Each one is a combination of two fruity flavors in one juicy bite.

One flavor on the outside, another on the inside.

It's an unbelievable taste sensation, so they are recommended for experienced taste buds only.

You've been warned.

New Welch's Fusions, please use responsibly.