Faster or Slower?

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Good evening, gentle listener or watcher, and welcome to Distractible.

This episode, Ball Drooping Bob gives a righteous update, demystifies Mammon's machinations, then asks the fellas to factor fleetness.

Woven Wade has a stroke for splashing cash, focuses on feces, Armageddon, the fiscus, and follicles.

Moderator Mark manifests industrialism and emissions, explains being sprayed, and bogus biopsies.

From actively assenting to orifice exploration,

it's time for

faster or slower.

Now sit back and prepare to be distracted and enjoy the show.

Hello and welcome to another agreeable episode of the Distractible Podcast, where we all nod in agreement no matter what is being said.

I am your host.

My name is Bob.

I am hosting because I won the last one.

I won the last one by competing in it, which is what Mark and Wade, the other two guys here, will be doing.

And then one of them will win, and they'll host, and then we'll all just keep nodding.

The nodding is an important part of the show.

We do this in every episode.

90% of everything we've ever put on the internet involves a lot of nodding.

The listeners never actually knew that this was occurring all the time.

This is our first time acknowledging it.

We actually hold up signs that say, Viewers, don't tell the stupid listeners about the nodding.

I feel like a pigeon pecking its seeds.

Is anyone else going slowly blind?

It's doing something to my vision, yeah.

It is oddly uncomfortable, yeah.

It's making my eyes water.

Is that good?

Yeah, I don't know what's I don't know why that would be happening, but it sure is happening.

It's

you get concussed for nodding?

Probably.

Yeah, you can.

Okay, good.

I'll bet disagreeing feels better.

You know, they say if you smile, you know, you'll start to feel happy.

I thought I would feel agreeable.

I'm, oh, God.

If the audience, if the listener had to guess which one of the two of them are doing something horrifying, yep, it was Wade.

Smiling, man.

What do you mean?

Oh, I was glad it wasn't me because I was just confused and doing what I normally do.

Someone, please post that screenshot to the subreddit with no context.

Just no, everyone, actually.

Everyone spammed that picture so suddenly.

There's like a hundred defense.

Oh, the mods are going to love that.

Ah, it's okay.

I'm a mod.

I approve.

Also, did I miss the green memo?

St.

Patrick's Day.

It's after St.

Patrick's Day.

By a reasonable margin.

Not only is it already not St.

Patrick's Day, but this is definitely not St.

Patrick's Day.

Look, my shirt application on a daily basis is in complete pitch darkness.

So I never know what shirt I'm grabbing.

I open my drawer, I fumble around till I grab something that, and I'll pick it up, up, be like, no, I don't like this one.

And I'll put it back and then I'll get one that's agreeable.

You don't hang your shirts?

I hang some of them, but I don't know.

You hang your t-shirts?

Yeah.

Why?

What are they?

Fancy?

No, just more convenient to grab.

He is right.

Less folding.

I mean, you don't have to fold as much.

Just put a hanger on it.

Vertical storage is superior for clothing.

But you have to hang it.

That's faster than folding to me.

Look, this is maybe, maybe not a problem that you normal-sized humans have, but my shirts, literally, if I don't have the right kind of hangers, my t-shirts don't hang.

They fall off.

If I have like a slippery hanger, like just a smooth plastic hanger, my neck holes are so big that they barely even stay on.

I'm enormous.

Oh, mine just sit on a hanger.

I'm like an elephant.

I need special storage for my things.

I apologize for all the things you've smelled when we've hung out.

Elephants have a good sense of smell, right?

We've talked about that.

Didn't you teach us they had the best?

That sounds like a thing I would say.

Yeah.

I'm not nodding anymore.

I'm not nodding anymore.

That really does mess with me.

Also, I do feel bad.

I brought up Lexi in the episode that came out recently when we were recording that.

And then it's later now.

Lexi is okay.

Did have cancer.

She does have cancer.

The surgery was successful.

She seems to be healing up okay.

We might need to do chemo or something else as a follow-up, but like she's got a lot of energy she's eating she's happy aside from her leg i think being kind of sore but she's okay and i'm sorry i i left everyone in the unawares it's okay and thank you i saw people talking about that on the subreddit i appreciate it in getting older news i have a question for you guys no my balls don't touch the water in the toilet yet we have to worry about that that's gonna happen it's coming Why in Europe they have like less water in the toilet because they're all older than us.

That's why they call men over the age of 65 soggy sex.

sex.

Never heard that term.

It's common.

It's common.

Different getting older question.

In your late stage of life.

Go on.

As we enter the final trimester of our existence,

did any of you get this overwhelming urge for industry?

Industry?

Like, like personal industry or like...

No, in a factory, an assembly line, Factorio style.

I did play Satisfactory,

right?

So that's what I think.

Because

I was looking at CNC, the computer numeric control.

No, we all know what you mean.

And I was like, oh, not for me.

That's too complicated.

And then I went, ah, 3D printing.

There's a thing I know.

And ever since I've been looking at 3D printing and since, you know, Prusa so kindly sent me an unbelievable amount of printers.

An unbelievable amount of of printers.

Yeah, yeah.

Didn't you say you had some extras for your old buddy Bob?

No.

They're all mine.

My industry.

No, I've had this overwhelming desire just to see like an entire factory floor churning out product after product after product and me overseeing it on a big catwalk up above, you know, clang, boom, clang, sipping my really fancy becaf coffee.

Good that I don't drink caffeine right now.

And then looking upon my works my my industry do any of you get that overwhelming urge dude you're like five years away from just becoming an oil baron i don't know that's what i mean if i was in another era i might well probably not but i might be industrious we're gonna see you in a suit with like a fancy cane and a monocle before this podcast is done do you ever have an urge to see the lower class working very hard to produce materials for me yes yes exactly exactly no i i i don't know it is maybe it's like you know since i ordered pants for the first time in a few years, like I've been wearing pants every day with a belt.

Never mind.

I don't have a belt on today.

Oh, let me suck that back in.

No, I don't know.

I just,

I'm really interested in it.

I've been watching a lot of videos just about 3D printers.

More specifically, I've been watching videos about resin printing, which is a whole different piece.

Now, I know I'm basically beholden to Prusa, and I love them dearly, and everything about it.

Don't they have resin printers?

They have one.

It's a little older than

what new ones are.

And I'm not saying it's bad by any stretch of the imagination, but I've never done any resin printing ever.

And I've heard a lot of things about resin printing that are, it's basically toxic.

The fumes are hard to mitigate.

It just gets messy because it's liquid.

So you have to deal with the liquid that's in the vat.

after the print.

You do not want to ingest resin, but however, the snack resinettes are fine.

I love resinettes.

I'll print you some resinettes.

I'll send them to your house.

Show me a video of you eating them.

I want the little wrinkly ones.

I'll get them real wrinkly for you.

But the thing about resin printing is a high barrier to entry, but the quality of print is

incredibly higher than what FDM printing, which is just the plastic melted extrusion.

It can do pretty much invisible layer lines.

It can print like actual miniatures for like DD figures with incredible quality.

It would look like you bought it from the store, you know, and you can make them all yourself.

And who knows?

That's probably how they make them nowadays, but you could do that at home if you can tackle that.

So, not only do I want to make an industrial military complex, I want to have fumes pumping out the ceiling.

I want like a SimCity-ass,

like big smokestack pumping out resin fumes into the sky.

Like every few minutes, a skull and crossbones forms in the fumes that are coming out of the stack on the mark factory.

I want to make a product that you put over like a campfire and it just bumps out a skull and crossbows.

Now, I will say with fireworks, they could probably do that.

Maybe they could do it with smoke.

I've even been to the WEBN fireworks.

Cincinnati has a radio station called WEBN and they do it.

Well, you two know, but I'm talking to everyone else.

They do the big fireworks show every September, but like they spell out WEBN.

So I'm sure there's a way to do that with smoke.

I know that's a real thing, but something about the way you said W-E-B-N made me think you were having some kind of stroke or something.

W-E-B-B.

W.

Walia, E-Bay, M.

It's just like a human, normal.

You know what?

Anywho, if anyone knows resin printing out there, again, I've never done it before.

If you have some printer that can point me in the right direction, I would appreciate it.

One of the few times I'll take suggestions because this is.

Canon Inkjet?

No.

Canon Pixma 925.

Oh, God, no.

Inkjet printer copier scanner.

Canon Ligama 69.

I know that Form Labs is like the top tier, but that's so ungodly expensive that I don't want to.

So if there's another one, I've heard good things about Hay Gears.

So if anyone knows, let me know.

All right.

Well, Mark's interest stayed the exact same again, which is crazy.

I, on the other hand, have something new to bring to the table.

It finally happened.

What happened?

Three of the people that watch this that care about sports, the Bengals, opened their wallets and spent money finally for the first time in their history.

And we got our two receivers re-signed.

Yeah, isn't Chase's contract like the biggest for a non-QB in the history of sports?

By 0.25 of a million, otherwise known as 250,000 a year.

How much?

Because I actually was talking to Tyler about one of the biggest non-Q quarterbacks.

Four years, $161 million for Chase.

And T was four years, $115 or something?

$113, $115, something like that.

His comes to like

$28 million a year.

Chase is just over $40 million a year.

And like Chase's is like guaranteed for a lot of it, and T.

Higgins is guaranteed for two years, I think.

But I think there's other provisions in T's contract where he can earn a little bit more than $28 if he hits certain incentives.

Whereas I think Chase is just, he's getting 40.25.

This is crazy because I actually did talk to Tyler about this and that does go past the really recently former highest paid non-quarterback, which was Cleveland Miles Garrett with his $160 million extension.

So you're, yeah, it's like 0.5 million above that one.

That's crazy.

Ohio's spending big.

Miles Garrett did not do himself many favors reputation-wise, but he will be living great financially.

He spent the first half of the year like, I am not playing in Cleveland.

They could offer me me every dime on the planet.

I want out.

I want to play for a contender.

What about 40 million?

I love Cleveland.

I've always said I love Cleveland.

I can't wait for the next football season to start, and we can watch both of these great Ohio football clubs just win and win.

All of these hundreds of millions of dollars they're expending onto these four people.

If you include the quarterback in Cleveland, which I have no idea what's going to happen with the Deshaun Watson situation, but he gets his money either way, pretty much.

So, all of these literally half a billion dollars almost totally gonna bring us some Super Bowls, like five or six Super Bowls in the next decade.

Well, we know Miles Garrett's gonna want to sack Joe Burrow.

The way to keep him away is Joe keeps a couple extra dollars on his pocket and he just throws a dollar on the field, and Miles will tackle that instead.

Because it's about winning championships, not the doll.

Ooh, money.

Hey, do you think if we spent nearly 300 million on two receivers, we're going to have enough money to buy anyone who plays defense, or is that just going to be kind of empty field for the other team?

They're apparently talking to Trey Hendrickson, who's our best defensive player.

They're apparently talking about resigning him.

And then we do have all the draft picks.

Man, I wish I had the kind of money to pay people to play sports.

Jesus Christ.

We need a couple people in the secondary, maybe another DN, and we need a guard.

Those are kind of our needs right now, I think.

So why don't we just take Ohio, cannole that shit, and have have both teams meet in Cleveland in Columbus, who has no football team right now, and just sandwich them in.

The Cleveland Addi Brown Tigers?

I do not want to merge with Cleveland.

They can stay.

Can we go with Cleveland?

No, no, no, no, no.

Just a football team.

Just a football team.

We're not merging the city.

Here's how I feel about Cleveland.

I would rather us merge with Pittsburgh than Cleveland.

How about for $140 million a year?

I love Cleveland.

I'm sure that it was all a ruse to get the big contract, or maybe there was truth to it that changed.

Maybe he realized how annoying it would be to hold out and stuff.

I don't know, but just the dedication in his voice to wanting to be on a contender to like immediately being like, richest non-quarterback ever, you say.

Well,

I'll play here.

I've never, not that I've ever had aspirations to win a Super Bowl that I've meaningfully pursued, but I find it hard to imagine a thing that you could want in life enough to where if someone was like, Hey, if you work

for us and don't win very many football games for the next four years,

but you get paid enough money that you don't ever need to worry about money no matter what you do almost ever again, maybe you wanna.

I feel like it, I can't imagine a person who would be like, No, I need a Super Bowl.

I couldn't possibly take $140 million.

Like, what the, I mean,

maybe it's different.

I'm not the, I'm not an athlete.

I don't understand.

I've never, I've never had, like, it was never realistic that I was going to win the Super Bowl or go to the Olympics or whatever, but who could possibly fucking do that?

I can't imagine.

Look, yeah, there's, there's many things that, you know, money can't buy.

But at the same time, if, if, if what you had to do was play the game that you've trained all your life for for a more money than you've ever seen in your life.

You don't even have to compromise your morals or nothing.

Maybe your loyalty morals, but you know, it's not even that big a deal because Trey Team trades people all the time.

So

clearly, he took the money too, so I'm not saying he's crazy, but I don't.

People who are like,

like, he said he wanted to be a contender.

Yeah, like you, if someone offered you $100 million, you wouldn't just give up on whatever your goal was at that moment in time.

Be like, okay.

Well, okay.

If one team offers you 80 million million and the other offers you 100, but one, you have a chance of winning, like, I don't know about how you guys feel, but the way I feel sitting here, I'm like, $80 million is a lot of money.

Yeah, but I'm assuming he didn't have that.

If he's been talking for half a season about wanting to get out of Cleveland and it hadn't materialized yet, I'm assuming that nobody else was like, oh, we'll give you all the money we have.

Well, people reached out.

Cleveland was like, we're not trading you.

They were going to be, they were going to play hardball about it.

So he might have had to sit out for a year.

They They owned his soul or something, huh?

Yeah.

He was still under contract.

But eventually that has to like pop, right?

Like you can't, we can, every year, players get bigger and bigger and bigger and bigger salary.

It keeps going up in a crazy way.

Like what other job other than sports does someone make more money every single year?

Like

our salaries don't go up like that.

Have you ever been the CEO of something?

Because I've heard good things about that.

Yeah, but they're not even the CEOs.

I'm not saying players shouldn't get paid.

Owners make an obscene amount of money, but like eventually there's going to be not any more money in the world other than what athletes are getting paid because it's just insane.

I got a funny story about how money works.

Turns out, it's just made up.

If you can imagine a bigger number,

there's some money.

There's that much money now.

But people aren't going to generate enough revenue for this.

That's not the point.

Shareholders.

Shareholders.

I don't know.

I've been thinking about the economy a lot lately.

We don't have to get into economy stuff, but I'm like, man, this does not feel stable.

It feels like we're approaching an unstable place in economy.

No, it's like a bunch of dominoes, right?

So one person...

Doesn't have money.

So they lean on the next person for their money.

And then that person leans on the next person for their money.

There's actually unlimited money because if you just keep leaning on the next one, it'll circle back around and lean onto the leaning person.

Then they lean a little more.

You see, you see, you get, does it get through your thick skull now?

I forgot how dominoes fell very slowly and leany.

And then when they get hit, they fall more.

Yeah, obviously.

And then the best part about a domino is you put it at the top of this like pyramid shape, right?

And then this domino leans on two more dominoes.

It's like a scheme.

Yeah.

It's a great scheme.

Yeah, I love this scheme.

It's my favorite scheme.

I'm not investing in your domino scheme.

That's my favorite metaphor.

It's a house of cards.

Cards stack forever.

The only requirement is you need enough suckers at the bottom to build it on.

As long as you keep piling up suckers, the cards will go up and up, and you're definitely not trapped at whatever level you happen to be at.

You'll be a top card.

The more weight you put on the bottom, the less they can get away.

Yeah, they're really stuck down there.

Like, even if they wanted to give up, those bottom cards are holding the system up, whether they like it or not.

Yeah, they're essential.

They're essential, but expendable.

So, shut up and be essential.

And that's my small talk.

Uplifting, Wynn.

Thank you.

It started there.

Bengals, yay, money.

It's amazing how much pro man, I should have been a pro athlete.

They don't tell you that when you're in high school and you're like, oh, I want to be a scientist or whatever.

No, we should all aspire to be quarterbacks in the NFL.

That's where the money is.

You know, those guys retire at like the age of like 37, 40 years old.

If you ignore the traumatic brain injuries, it's amazing.

I'd have like two years left in my career, then I'd have the rest of my life to sit on my money.

Try and remember the third grade.

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Anyway, I have a topic for this episode.

Let's go do that.

The last episode, Mark did a sequel to one of of his all-time greats.

So I'm going to do the exact same thing.

Love it.

To one of my all-time greats.

The original episode that this is a sequel for was called Bigger or Smaller.

And it was a real good.

I think we might have done two of those.

I don't even remember.

It was a good one.

I think we have.

Yeah, that sounds right.

I've got a new one, guys.

Are you ready?

I'm ready.

Faster or slower, right?

Uh-huh.

Faster, baby.

Yeah, it's already good, I can tell.

Yes, more.

How do I take away collapse?

Suck those back in.

Faster or slower.

Last time,

I'm just going to say a thing, and we're just going to debate whether it'd be better if it was extremely fast or extremely slow as compared to the way it actually works in the real world.

And we can talk about the nitty-gritty.

Some of these don't make sense, and we're going to have to sort of establish a framework for what it even means for something to be faster or slow.

But

we'll get there.

We'll get there.

I'm going to start with one that we've kind of covered before, and I feel like the answer is obvious to just to dip our toes in.

Going to the bathroom.

Would it be better if that was hyperbolically fast or glacially slow?

Going to the bathroom.

Both of those kinds of things.

Two.

Everyone has two, right?

The hard kind or the liquid kind, both.

How much faster we talking here like a rocket ship the amount of splash damage like a like a reinforced titanium toilet faster ceramics are not gonna cut it and the slower is like i'm gonna need all day for this yeah well so it's on both parts right so i'm imagining that the faster is like you have to go your your meter builds up a lot faster so you have to go a lot but then you only need to go for like two seconds or something right so it it happens in short but it's but so the slow one is like you only need to go to the bathroom like once a week, but then you're in the bathroom for like I don't know, like 10 straight hours or something.

Like it's 10 hours.

I know some it's there's a I don't know what the scale is, right?

But it's something like that, where it's faster in the doing it, but it's also faster or slower in terms of like how frequently that you have to come back around to it.

Either way is going to be terrible on an airplane.

All I got to say is

you got people that lined up and they're like, oh no, and then you just got

punching holes through the fuselage.

You can plan your flight day on your poop day, though.

You would know.

You're like, oh, it's not Wednesday.

I could fly any day but Wednesday.

No, that's slow.

That's slow, though, right?

If it's fast,

you can't take long flights.

Slow is like you shit your pants and it's the guy from Austin Powers getting steamrolled.

No!

You could still keep doing stuff while you were shitting your pants as long as you were going to wrap it up and get home soon enough.

Assuming you don't move in slow motion, you'd have plenty of time to get to a bathroom.

You're like, it's starting.

Everything, while you're going to the bathroom, you also either move in super fast or super slow motion.

That might change it a little bit.

That's like a superpower.

If your pee-pee-poo-poo lasts more than four hours, consult a doctor.

This is a tough one.

This is really tough.

No.

I told you, I picked an easy one to start with.

The answer should be obvious.

Faster.

No, slower.

She sounded like a disappointed parrot.

Like, no, no.

I know.

Listen, man.

Having to go much more frequently, like that.

I would rather dedicate a day to pooping.

At least I could plan for it, plan around it.

Imagine like you go to the bathroom.

You're like,

Done.

And then you wash your hands, you go back out like 10 minutes later, you're like, time to go again.

Or how frequent if you're pooping for 10 hours.

I mean,

it's up for debate, right?

We have to establish, I'm allowing you to imagine however it would pan out and make your arguments.

So it's not like every five seconds you have to go to the bathroom or something.

You have to be able to live a life.

Is it just me or everyone?

It's just

you.

Okay, I was like, well, society could change how bathrooms are designed, but if it's not.

No, no, no, no, no.

This is an aberration.

It's just you.

You have to live with it.

Dude, you're on like a two-hour car ride.

There's several shitting runs that you're doing with your ass out the window.

If you got to go every few seconds.

I mean, maybe you just need to build a toilet into your car if that's your life.

Really big diaper.

Really thick diaper.

Oh, diapers.

I'm more worried about the much more frequent urination part of it.

Oh, if it's coming out harder, too, you have a fucking power washer.

Yeah, that's a thing.

Yeah.

Yeah, that's a thing.

Diapers will not contain it.

You special, special Kevlar diapers, special ripstop diapers.

That was very expensive.

Well, you just need like an outer diaper, right?

You put on your normal depends, and then you put your Kevlar outer layer on so that you can kind of.

You're still going to eat through the Depends, though, if your urine's like.

Yeah, but it still has like the absorbative quality.

It'll be a mess.

I'm not saying it won't be a mess, but like

it'll be inside the Kevlar, you know?

So you won't just be blasting everyone around you with pee.

I hate it.

Also, if you do use a toilet, if you're like two seconds shit, the amount of time you're going to spend cleaning up,

you would have to completely redesign because you are, there is something horrible left behind.

If you get, if you get like, you get like food poisoning or something, you get like really bad, like diarrhea.

By the time you're done wiping and cleaning up, you have to go again.

You're like, no,

no.

This is more like you walk into the room and it looks like someone drew a body in chalk outline, but that's just the part of the wall where your body shielded it from the shit that just exploded out.

All right.

Well, is everyone sticking with their answer?

Slow.

I think fast because I would develop a system to handle it.

And also it's a good defensive mechanism.

Look at Mark.

Whenever the predator approaches, he bends over and shifts it away.

You keep focusing on the shit.

I'm focused on the urination part of it.

I'm focused on like water cutting, just pressures.

Think about a line at like a theme park, like everyone just like, well, I guess just you, right?

It's just you.

Uh-huh.

It's just you.

You could never, you'd have to get fast pass or something every single time because you're like, I can't wait in a line.

You think you'd be allowed into the theme park.

Eventually, the public would understand what's going on with you, and you would not be, you would not be permitted in art museums, anywhere.

There's large crowds of people.

It would become a become a situation.

Breaking news, the potent pisser is struck again.

Hey, if this is my villain arc and I have to go between this and slow, I choose fast.

Live life in the fast name.

It's a really good villain power.

Didn't we have a superhero that was pissed base?

We had a battle between pissman and shitman.

Yeah, pissman and shitman.

It was like a superhero fight, yeah.

The two wolves inside of me.

One's shitman, one's pissman.

Give me slow, man.

I'll take my time.

I'll have my like dedicated day to using the restroom, and I'll have the rest of the week free.

I can plan around it very easily.

And I can do other things while using the restroom.

You just make that chair your toilet.

Yeah, easy.

I like both of your answers.

A point for fast piss and slow poop.

Thank you.

Thank you.

This is exactly how I hoped this would go.

All right.

I have another one.

This is more of a, I will push the boundaries on this one with, we're going to have to decide what exactly this means, but I experiencing spicy food.

I, I struggle, like I like a, I like a buffalo wing, right?

But there's like a, I have a low threshold for what's too spicy for me.

And this is a thing where it's like if you ate just like almost apocalyptically if you ate a spoonful of pure capsaicin or whatever and would you experience it as a slow a super slow thing or a super fast thing and how what does that look like so i have something to say about the previous answer wade imagine you had diarrhea and you had 10 hours of excruciating pain on the toilet from your slow slow poop that's why i keep my morphine bag by the toilet yeah no, you would need like IV fluids and stuff.

That would be a whole situation.

Would you also vomit slow?

It's all bodily fluids.

Oh, if it's all bodily fluids, that changes some things.

We didn't really address that.

That's not fair.

Hold on, yeah.

If you bleed slower, that means like your arm gets cut off.

You're like, I've only got 10 hours to find a doctor.

If I get cut, it's like a hydraulic hose.

Anywhere anything could leak out of you is dangerous.

My blood pressure is in the millions.

Dude, you blow your nose and you might take out your hand.

What's your superpower?

Is you keep

blood sugar Lancets, like diabetic Lancet, and you just like,

it's like a laser beam.

Everyone clear the room.

I feel a sneeze coming on.

Run.

Watching a sad movie, you're like, Amy, you gotta go.

I'm gonna cry.

Anyway, back to this one.

Yeah, what we're talking about.

Oh, spicy food.

So this one is, yeah,

come up with a conclusion and explain it to me.

Clarifying question here.

Slow buildup.

Does that mean it's also like

slower to go away?

So like if you drank milk or something afterward, it wouldn't have an effect for longer?

Yeah, it's a long, I'm imagining, I guess, it's like a long arc.

Right.

So it's sort of slow and it builds to the same peak of like spiciness.

But I guess this is for me a thing where the thing that gets me with spicy food usually for me is the panic where I'll eat something and I'm like, ooh, it's spicy.

Ooh, ah, oh, wait, it's too spicy.

It's like, what, what do I think is going to happen?

It's not like I'm going to pass away because this is spicy.

It just is spicy.

But I have that feeling in me of like, oh, oh, it's just, oh, God.

Oh,

if it was slower, you have, you could have a lot more time to be like, this is, yeah, it's spicy, but you're like settled, right?

You're adjusting.

You maintain an equilibrium as you're experiencing the spiciness.

Is it kind of stretching the entire experience out along?

So maybe it doesn't peak as high, but because it's taking all of the burn that you would feel stretching it out?

Or is it still just as much?

Because I would think the fast would be all the pain that you would experience

just right here.

So it's like the peak is way higher, but it's for like a second.

But it's also like getting a nuke in your mouth.

So So, yeah, so it's like a total volume thing, let's say.

So, like the volume, the volume under the curve for the short, for the fast one, it's a very narrow, very tall curve, but it has the same amount of like space.

So, for the slow one, it's it's like you're saying, it like flattens out and stretches out.

It's the same general amount of volume

of whatever.

I'm feeling fast.

There's something almost exciting to me about the thought of like a half-second, like,

whoa, that was crazy.

Let's do it again.

I don't know, but like, if it goes away fully very quickly, like, the annoying thing about the heat is that you're just like,

like, the fact that you're like just gasping for milk or something, like it's burning for a while.

A quick burn feels like it'd be less terrible to me.

Here's where I say slow.

And I under, trust me, I understand where Wade's coming from here.

I understand.

I get it, Wade.

Oh, I get it.

Thank you.

I'll take the point.

But

one of the side effects of spicy foods and capsizing and stuff like that is the endorphin release.

So I'm thinking if it's a much longer up, then the down where you start to feel all the endorphins go is also going to be like basically a high.

So you get to not go as sustained heat, which I can, I can handle some hot stuff.

I've eaten a lot of hot things.

Probably my tolerance is less.

Even if it goes really still very high and is there longer, that arc,

and like what Bob was saying, like he could do get used to it.

And then that arc is like the endorphins are just going to be cruising for ages.

Yeah, well, because that's even with the way spicy food is normally, that's kind of the thing, right?

Like I haven't done it really, but I've seen you do hot sauce.

And there's like a cycle where you do it and you start it and you're like,

but you reach a point where it's still basically that level of spicy, but you're just like, ah, it's going to be okay.

And you start to get the like the endorphins or something and it changes, right does that mean Wade's gonna get a spike of endorphins just as

You're gonna get so hooked on it

Every 30 seconds could be like can I need some more?

Not only that.

Yeah, if it's like every second.

I'm like

Next bite

I can have as many endorphins as I want very quickly.

I don't know the slow buildup would suck.

I think I'm okay with that You're a masochist, though, like we know that.

Well, you wanted the high intensity because it'd be so fun.

You said that.

Your words are not bothering me.

It goes away quick, though.

I can be quickly over.

When I got pepper sprayed, when me and Ethan got pepper sprayed.

Oh, yeah, you did that.

It was about the same as eating a pepper going up and then the arc of it.

15 minutes, you know, that's about what eating something really spicy will last.

This was very painful, and I wouldn't recommend doing it again.

But the downturn, that lasted all day, and it was annoying, but it wasn't that bad.

Like, it was just one of those things where, hmm, my face feels warm, and every once in a while it's like, huh that's odd um but if i think about that in terms of like if that was also the go up on the other side and i didn't have the intensity of like getting pepper sprayed that wouldn't be as bad yeah but if you have to deal with the pain for like hours instead of or i don't know how long it lasted but like the increasing intensity for that there is something about spicy food that is not just painful it is kind of pleasant for those who like to eat a lot of spicy things like told you pop masochus no but see that's the thing is i don't i don't do spicy food a lot but i feel that too when i'm in the right mood and I, and I, there are certain like sauces I know, like wing sauces or like flavored things where it's like, this is a spice level.

I know I can handle it.

It's like right up, right under my tolerance.

The experience, you, when I eat those things, when I'm in the mood, the experience of like building that up and getting the prolonged nature of it, like, oh, Michael, your whole face is like watering or whatever.

And you're like, in it, it is, it's fun.

That's part of the fun of it is you're like, I'm, it's, I'm surviving this.

It's fun.

It's doing something.

I feel alive.

I got stuff to do.

I don't have all day to be building up heat.

Like,

you got two days a week to poop.

Okay.

Hold on.

That keeps increasing.

You got half your life to spend shitting while this keeps going up.

I don't like this.

The spice, man.

I don't know.

The slow buildup would be the anticipation of how bad it could get would stress me out.

Whereas at least it's the quick, I'm like, over and done.

But it is also way higher.

I get where weight is coming from, but I think I'm going to go with Mark on this one.

I like the slow.

I will say this debate in other contexts is not going away.

So this sort of experiential faster-slower thing, there's other opportunity to

litigate this again.

Good.

You better agree with me on the next one because I was been right twice in a row.

You're never wrong, Wade, even when I disagree with you vehemently.

Appreciate it.

This one I think is interesting.

Charging and discharging batteries.

So my thinking on this one is like your cell phone, right?

Right now, when I plug my iPhone into a fast charger, which I have, most of my chargers I use are pretty high wattage chargers, I can go from like 20% to 80% in like, I think it's like 20 minutes or 30 minutes or something.

It's fairly quick, right?

And that buys me a full maybe day, day and a half of use, depending on what I'm doing.

This is like the speed at which you use up the battery goes up, but also you only have to plug it in for 15 seconds.

So literally like, you know, your phone battery only lasts six hours, but you can just be like, boop, boop, full charge, or something like that.

And the opposite is true.

Similar to what we were talking about with the bathroom stuff, right?

Your phone battery is like seven days, but then it needs 18 hours on a charger.

And so you can charge it incrementally, but it just gains and loses charge percentage.

at that kind of speed.

So if you charge your phone for a couple hours, you only gain, you know, 10% battery or something.

And it can be other electronics.

The phone was the example that I was thinking of for this one.

But batteries in general could be EVs, could be all other electronics you use, whatever.

Batteries, faster or slower.

Okay, so I actually experienced something like this with my truck.

My beautiful electric truck, my incredible electric truck.

Chevy, call me.

They've already called me.

Call me back.

It charges overnight, right?

If you charge it at home, it takes about 12 hours to get that battery full.

It's huge, but you know, it's a relatively powerful charger at home, not quite like fast charging out in the wild, but it takes 12 hours to charge, and that thing lasts like a week or more, depending on how much I'm driving.

So it kind of experiences that slow charge, slow discharge kind of thing.

But also, if that thing could charge up in a minute, Even if it only lasts like one day or half a day.

No, that's the thing, right?

That's what EVs is an interesting example of this because people who are not in favor of EVs or think that they're not because they've never actually lived with one are like, yeah, well, you gotta, you can't just go to the gas station for five minutes, right?

You gotta stop at a charge.

I, I drive an EV.

I've never fucking stopped at a supercharger in my entire life.

Literally, I think three or four times ever.

Two of those times were because I was like, huh, I've never used a supercharger before.

I wonder how fast it charges.

And then I did it.

And I was like, 10 minutes later, I was like, okay.

And we left.

You charge it at home.

If you could have a charger at home, if it could get you through a whole day and you could just plug it in in your garage at home and it would be charged in half an hour or something, that would be crazy.

It would also make road trips really cool.

If, even if it was only like 100 to 150 miles of actual range or something, right?

Like half or less, half or less than what the longest range EVs currently get.

So maybe even say like 100 or less miles of range, but you only need to stop for like five minutes, 10 minutes to charge it up every, however often, like there's some balance there.

Changes changes the way I feel like people would see that and the usability of it.

Great thinking, great thinking, but slow is the correct answer.

Really?

Yes.

Okay, you guys are thinking about like normal best case scenarios like, oh, I got to charge less.

I still get a day's worth.

Only takes 30 minutes.

But what if you don't have your charger?

What if an end-of-the-world apocalyptic event lasts or you're just out somewhere, you're lost in the desert?

You need that phone to last as long as possible.

Longer lasting is much more important than charging.

Chargers come a dime a dozen.

You can have a portable charger.

Charging is getting easier, more portable, more convenient.

But longer lasting, something that lasts just days or weeks, imagine not having to charge your phone and you don't have access to a charger.

It's like, that's okay.

It's got three weeks on the battery.

That is nuts.

I will take that because charging, easy.

I have to sleep.

Charge while I sleep.

A portable charger.

Plug it in while I'm walking around.

Like, we got these little thingies now that just sit on our desk.

They just set your phone on it.

Still even use it.

Easy peasy.

I was going to make fun of you, but my phone is actually literally sitting on a stand on that exact charger that came with my phone, I think.

I feel like this prompt

needs some clarification because it's like an, it's not an either-or this situation because it's kind of like this is what it is.

If you have a bigger battery, then yeah, it takes longer to charge, but it's like it must be like the device doesn't function once it's out of batteries until it's charged to full, right?

Because that way in the fast, it doesn't work till it's full, and then the slow, it doesn't work till it's full.

And only when it hits full is when it starts.

Well, that would change if that's the way things work, but they don't at the moment.

No, this is a hypothetical scenario.

I think it's a hypothetical that you think benefits you.

It affects both ways.

How dare you?

Yeah, because if my fast charging, if I just keep it plugged in all the time, it would never run out either.

And if you keep your slow charging plugged in all the time, it would never run out either.

So they're both functionally the same.

I came into this with a preconceived notion, and I hate Wade's argument so much.

Okay.

It almost changed my mind away from what was originally my answer, which was to agree with Wade on this one, which was slow.

It didn't.

I'm going to go with slow batteries.

Why is Blade's battery so bad?

I just, I thought about this one.

This was part of the reason I wanted to do this episode.

I thought about this for a long time myself.

And the thing I came to would be: Mark is right.

The world would fundamentally be different in a world where either of these different qualities of batteries existed.

And I want a world where batteries are slow in the way that we're talking about, but everything is designed with an understanding that that's the case.

And batteries are designed to be swappable.

batteries in electric vehicles, you don't have to plug your car in to charge it.

You just literally go to a station and pull out the dead battery and put in a fully charged battery.

And it doesn't matter if it takes forever to charge those batteries as long as, and same with your phone, right?

My phone's battery is part of the reason it's shitty is that modern phones, you can't change the batteries.

This wasn't always the case.

I remember the last smartphone I had where you could take the back panel off and pop the battery.

I had another battery.

It was fucking awesome.

That was in the era where batteries on smartphones only lasted like eight hours.

So you kind of had to do that if you were like.

like you know out in the world and couldn't plug it in all the time but in that world where batteries are slow but you get a lot of life out of them, you just swap the batteries.

And that solves the conundrum of, oh, well, my phone needs to be plugged in to charge so I can't, you know, I'm tethered to the wall, or my car needs to be plugged in to charge so I can't drive it once the battery is dead, like all that shit.

That it'd be a whole other world.

But I think that would be awesome.

This is a forgotten thing about phones, but now that you say that it's so universal in literally any other technology.

Why is all electronics integrated batteries?

You can't fucking remove.

It's so stupid.

I don't know.

Because cameras, cameras are all interchangeable batteries.

Because

if you had to plug your camera in every time you wanted to do something and wait for it to charge, nothing would happen.

It ruins its usability.

Yeah.

Why don't we have battery stations where you could drive your EV in there?

Kajunk.

Here you go.

Kajunk.

And you drive a, you rent propane tanks the same way.

I will say, I believe there is, I don't know if it's a specific brand of cars or like a specific car line or something in China, I think, or somewhere in Asia.

That's a thing.

There are, it's, it's in testing, possibly.

It's not like it's everywhere, but there's, they're working on a thing where it's like, there are essentially battery gas stations and you pull your car in, and it's like, they yoke out the battery pack, give you a fresh one, you drive away, and they go and do that.

That's a thing that like someone in the world has thought of and is trying to do or is doing.

But, and same with phones.

I'm sure there are someone out there who's like, oh, you just need to get the right phone.

Like, yeah, but I also don't want to be a green bubble.

Like, I understand, I get what I get.

And being an Apple user comes with all of the ups and downs that come with that.

But wouldn't an iPhone be better if you could just pop the battery out real quick?

Like, would it really destroy the fundamental design ethos of an iPhone if the back panel could pop off or had some thumb screw,

some kind of cool design to where you could pop a new battery in that sunbitch and it would be not a problem.

Would it really destroy?

No, it wouldn't.

But then Apple wouldn't sell as many new iPhones because when your iPhone that's two years old only holds a charge for 10 hours, it's fucking annoying.

And so you go buy a new phone because that's the world that we live in.

I think I made a great argument and it was put down way too quickly and easily.

I think your argument was so awful, it almost lost you a point that you basically had guaranteed going in.

Your argument for slow batteries is what if the apocalypse happened?

Okay, you go camping, you go boating, you're out somewhere where you don't have easy access to a charger.

Well, you should probably plan for that and bring something that gives you electricity.

No, it's fine.

I'm on your sideway.

I don't know if I'm being mad at you, but just I don't know about you, but I feel like products 50 years ago lasted longer than products now.

And everyone's like, man, I wish I'd have to buy a new vacuum every year.

You weren't alive 50 years ago.

No, but we had a fucking vacuum from back then growing up and it still works.

We had a stove from back then, and it worked for a hella long time.

Shit breaks so fast.

Look, I'm not at all going to argue against the notion that planned obsolescence is definitely a part of the world we live in now, and that lots of stuff is designed to become shitty so you have to buy a new one.

That's definitely a thing.

But also, in every generation of technology, Some of them are built better than others.

And there are definitely things in our lifetimes from the 90s, 2000s, 2010s, where if you had bought the correct one, it would be a thing you could own for the rest of your life.

It is harder to do that.

It is less common for a product to be made that way, but

I would argue without specifically picking an example, you could still do that, but it's expensive.

That when you buy a vacuum and there's one vacuum that's $100 and there's one vacuum that's $500 or $700, it's hard to justify spending $700, $500, $600, whatever on a vacuum when you could get it for a fifth of the price, unless the $500 one is going to last you for 40 years.

But it's hard to know that.

It's like, I'm not arguing against your point at all, but I do think it's still possible.

I own things that I think I'm going to own for the rest of my life.

Electronic things?

Yeah.

No.

Because that's kind of what we're going with here.

The problem is with increasing technological complexity, there comes a lot more points of failure.

This is not so much a planned obsolescence as a statistical guarantee that if you increase the number of points of failure, there are going to be more failures and therefore things do fail more often and its lifetime does decrease.

Not that they can't make a system that has a lot of complex systems and will last forever, but it's also an extremely expensive thing.

And generally speaking, products trend down in price.

And I don't know how things balance for inflation.

Do you think they intentionally make things now to try to last as long as possible?

Well, I think they try to make things as cheap as possible.

What I'm saying is, like, the lasting is not part of their decision for most of the industries.

It's just cheap, and therefore, it does cheap and complex.

That's where the two axes come down, and it gets to where it doesn't last as long.

I'm cynical enough to believe that it's intentionally made cheap and complex so that they can sell more to make more.

Yes.

Yeah, that is absolutely it.

Because I think there is a system where you could have a modern vacuum that has suck power that also lasts more than like two years.

It's called a Dyson and it costs like $1,000.

I will say, we owned a Dyson.

Least reliable vacuum we ever loved.

Never mind.

That is shit, broke.

That's what I thought, right?

When we.

Mark, I hated your argument so much.

I agree with me.

No, but I was with you, but that's the thing, right?

Is it hard to tell.

Now that we're in the future from 50 years ago, it's easy for us to look at stuff and be like, look at this thing.

This thing was built in the 50s or 60s or whenever.

Look, it stood the test of time.

Yeah, well, we fucking know that now, don't we?

There were products that were built back then that didn't stand the test of time that we have never heard of.

And so you have to, like, you have to have some knowledge or faith in a company and what they're trying to do.

And if they're, if their goal is to build something that lasts you the rest of your life, you have to kind of get lucky and or have enough knowledge and do enough research that you find a thing where it's like, Yeah, this is a this I think is a product that will last me forever without having any test samples because this is a product that didn't exist before three years ago or whatever.

But yeah, we had we spent the money.

We were like, Let's get a nice vacuum.

We've only ever owned like you know, like cheapo, whatever vacuums, because we were college kids.

Let's get a Dyson.

It's on sale, it's still expensive.

Let's do it.

We'll own this thing.

It broke after five years.

It just, it just stopped working.

It, it had some sort of issue with an electronic and it stopped charging and we got a different battery and that just fucking broke.

You know, in my head, when you said five years, I was like, oh, that's a long time.

And then I realized what we're talking about.

Exactly.

I will say,

yeah, that is the decision that consumers need to make of like, what is worth their money?

Because the only time that I can remember where the cost went up because of consumer decisions is with cars, like in that era, where they were extremely unsafe and they basically were death traps.

If you got in an accident at 30 miles an hour, your chances of survival, very slim.

But because consumers were like, we want safer cars, and safer cars were more expensive to make, car manufacturers started to make safer cars that were harder to manufacture with crumple zones and safety features and all these kinds of things.

Because that's what consumers, they wouldn't buy the death trap ones, you know?

Now, I don't know why I'm doing quotes.

They were.

Death traps.

That's how you say it.

Death traps, you know.

But that's one of the few times where they go towards that.

There's plenty plenty of things that are available for purchase today that are usually reliable, but more expensive.

And people do tend to go for the cheaper stuff.

But that's up to everybody's decision.

No, I still generally agree with Wade's point.

I think planned obsolescence is definitely a thing, and it sucks.

And

it's not realistic to buy a thing that costs...

multiple times more than what it should cost to buy the one that is just on the shelf at the at the regular store just because you think it might last your whole life.

Because then if it doesn't, you spent a thousand dollars on a dyson vacuum that you threw into the dump when you moved i'm not mad about it i'm not mad about it at all we have a dyson vacuum and it's fine i just don't expect it or any of them to last a long time nothing lasts you know who makes products built to last prusa if you want a 3d printer that's going to last you that's right you've had yours for at least two weeks now yeah that plastic is going to be on earth after humanity's long extinct plastic's not going anywhere man the earth is going to be coated in a shell of plastic eventually.

So if we just print plastic covers for all the electronics, electronics can't go bad.

Then they'll never break.

Yeah.

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All right.

Well, we're going to move on from that to something that I'm sure won't be contentious.

Faster or slower taxes.

And this is one where if you live outside America, it might be hard to connect.

The tax systems are very different in other places.

But in America, the way it works is once a year on April 15th, you have to pay your taxes and you have to guess exactly what that number might be.

And if you're wrong, the government gets real upset about it.

They don't tell you how much they owe you owe to the government, even though the government knows because all the documents you get from your employer or from other sources of income, if you sell stuff online or like we do, we get stuff from like YouTube and from, you know, from doing the podcast stuff.

All those documents that you get that tell you about your income, those are all filed with the government.

Those documents exist because the company that made them to give them to you made them, sent them to the government, and then also sent them to you.

And it's your job to figure out what fucking magical math you need to do to figure out exactly what amount you might owe or not owe the government in taxes.

So once a year, that's the bullshit.

And we're in it right now.

I don't know if you guys are stressed about it, but.

I have been for the last couple of weeks bothering myself with taxes.

So obviously this was on my mind because it's tax season.

Yay.

I hate tax season, but I deal with taxes year-round because I'm my accountant.

I have an accountant.

And that's the thing, too.

If you have like where

we have businesses because of the nature of what we do with YouTube, and that's how it works, I also pay taxes year-round, but tax day is still a once-a-year thing.

So I'm kind of looking at this through a simplified perspective on it.

But would it be better if your taxes were faster or slower than that system?

Faster means from the sky descends a giant vacuum tube that goes to your house or chases you down and starts sucking your money out.

Reverse, Santa.

You put your money in the chimney every night.

The other thing the Grids shoved down the chimney that sucked up all the presents in the cat too.

It's that, but it's sucking your money out.

And you're like, you gotta hold on.

The one-way ATM.

So does that mean you pay taxes like every day, every hour?

I hadn't specifically thought about this one very much.

But yeah, something like, I mean, mean, kind of like what Mark's saying, or like something where it's like, every single transaction you do, which is mostly true depending on what state you live in, anyway, but every single transaction you do, the tax is wrapped up into it.

Instead of paying an income tax, what if it was just like sales tax on everything?

And don't want to discuss the philosophy and ethics of tax systems.

Don't come at me about, oh, well, that unduly burned.

Yeah, I know, I know.

But we're just talking about like, is it better or worse?

Okay, slower would be what?

You pay once a decade?

Yeah, slower would be like, you pay taxes for each quarter of your life.

Your life is assumed to be a certain length.

Say you live, they're like, okay, we're all going to live to be 80 years old because Bob doesn't do math, and that's a nice, easy one.

So every 20 years, it's tax time.

And you pay taxes on a quarter of your life.

And it's awful.

It's like a year of taxes or more.

It's forever.

But then you don't have to think about that shit for a a couple decades.

Is that better or worse?

Faster or slower?

Faster.

I feel like there'd be a system to develop that make it very easy.

Plus, if you already knew, like, okay, I went and bought this today, or I went and I earned this today.

Someone gave me 20 bucks to cut their lawn.

I just immediately am like, all right, well, I made 50 bucks today.

I owe this.

There you go.

It'd be annoying, but like, it's a minor inconvenience that doesn't add a lot.

And the numbers stay small.

It's already annoying as fuck.

Like, so, talking to my having an accountant, even if you didn't have an accountant and you're looking through and you're like, what the hell was this expense on my account in February of last year?

I don't remember that.

If you had to do that for like fucking 25 years, you're like, ah, yes, what did I buy six relationships ago on a Tuesday at 6 p.m.

from a company called DVR9675216?

Is that taxable?

Or that would suck so much.

If I just had to do it today, get it over with.

I know what I did today.

Even with this memory as bad as mine, okay, fine.

I owe 20 bucks.

I owe five bucks, whatever.

Just get it over with.

That would be so much simpler than having to go back.

Even though I only do it four times in my life, like, dude, I would just wish for death that whole year.

I think I agree with Wade.

As much as my body physically rejects the idea, I think he's right.

Because this is how it happens anyway.

You go to a cash register, it says tax right on there.

You pay that amount.

Shouldn't that be it?

I taxed taxed right there, then and there.

It happened.

I don't have that anymore.

So,

all right, we're done, right?

If I get my paycheck and I look at it, taxes withheld.

All right, we're good, right?

You took it.

Yeah, well,

that's a lovely thing about the American system.

Why do they withhold taxes, but not do it correctly?

Like, I understand it's more complicated than that.

And their math, but, but that just makes it more complicated.

Like, I, it's painful in in our line of work as doing YouTube and stuff.

No one withholds our shit.

No one withholds taxes generally, right?

We, we get money for the advertisements on just for YouTube, for example.

They send that to us, and then we have to pay the taxes on it.

That sucks because early on in our careers, I don't know if it ever hit you guys, but there were definitely a couple years where it got around to tax season.

And I sat down and was like, all right, all right, that's, I didn't realize that I had that much YouTube ad rev or whatever.

And oh my God, I owe how much money?

Yeah.

And what the fuck?

Hey, hang on.

The first two years that I started like doing it and like, you know, like had an accountant and they were like, oh yeah, it looks like you owe this.

And I was like, I know what I made.

Yeah.

Well,

they're like, no, you actually made this.

But if you know ahead of time, like now that I know how that works, it's not that bad.

that I have to do it myself.

It's really, it's really not, I just know out of every like income that I get, I'm like, about 30, 30, 40% of that, whatever, I need to save that for tax season.

And like, you, the withholdings and the getting a return, the government just has some of your money for some of the year because your employer's too stupid to calculate your tax.

Why is it anyway?

Well, I play, I already pay, I'm sure we all do, quarterly estimates, and then you have to pay the actual one and state, whatever.

All right, differentiate so I can pick who gets points.

How fast?

Wade, Wade said daily.

Are you sticking with, do you want to stick with like daily tax settling?

If we could do it, every purchase just automatically done, or I could just like...

Do we still have to file?

Yes.

Is that what we're saying?

So

there would be some level of efficiency with it.

So like if it was like weekly, say,

yeah, you have to file, but maybe it's like a thing you do on an app, right?

Like maybe weekly, every week on the...

on Friday or something, you pull up your phone and for like a minute, you're like, beep, boop, yep, approve, done, filed.

It's not like you have to like do what we do now where it's like you fill out paperwork you have to mail it you have to mail hard copies all this it's simplified to reflect this the faster part i guess to be realistic it would have to be when you get paid so if you get paid once a month or once every two weeks like that's whenever you'd be filing it wouldn't be for your things you're buying because that tax is already taken out so that'd be income based so i guess the most frequent you could do it is however frequently you get paid I mean, that could be modified because the way payments currently work is not set in stone or anything like that.

We could do that however we want.

But yeah, like it would make sense for it to reflect around that.

I'll stick with just daily tap, tap.

These were my expenses.

Tap, tap.

Like, I feel like that's easier to keep track of rather than having to think back at all.

It's like, what did I do today?

I had to buy a new monitor.

Boop, boop, done.

What did I do today?

I needed a new cord for

that monitor is not going to last you the rest of your life.

I got bad news.

Literally, just got a text from my accountant, which is kind of weird.

Stop!

Stop talking!

What are you doing?

Don't give me more work.

Mark, do you have a different opinion?

Honestly, yeah, I also have an accountant, so I'm gonna.

Well, honestly, it's kind of necessary in what we do because shit gets really complicated really quickly when you have to.

It's like it's a scam to prop up a whole industry.

We want to keep the score even so that you have to do a one-man show, Bob.

That's our goal.

Well, it's already not even, but I guess you both get a point for that.

Oh, one of us needs to unfair it then.

Oh, I said it anyway.

Wade said unfair.

So either we both get two points or we both get none.

Ah, you heard the man.

You know what, I've got my coin.

God damn it.

Heads up.

Tails.

Oh, well, mine doesn't even matter.

All right.

I've got a couple more.

The growth speed of your fingernails and toenails.

Fast or slow?

Fast.

Slow.

How would you want to clip more often?

It's already slow.

Let's experience some speed.

Okay, but remember the consequence.

Fast nails, clipping your nails takes five seconds they grow fast you clip fast slow nails clipping your toenails your fingernails takes an hour and a half even better because slow means i've got more natural weapons if they're harder to clip and break

yeah i'm gonna give that one to mark

i don't even need a pocket knife i'm just like

i don't like that that doesn't sound good that sounds i already accidentally scratched myself and have a child who if i'm not careful i and my nails are too long i can scratch you gotta like i don't need weapons permanently attached to my fingers.

Everything is plenty dangerous enough.

All right.

Working out fast or slow.

Fast.

And I'll explain.

I'll explain it.

No, you could stick with that.

It takes less time to work out, but also you get even more like the exhaustion is the same.

And the result is fast, but the decay is also fast.

All of the parts of it are fast, right?

So it's not like you can just work out fast and then do it less.

You get fit fast and you get unfit fast.

And so you have to keep working out just in quicker, shorter segments.

And same with slow.

So before a photo shoot, you really do just like, oh,

I'll take fast.

Mark still takes fast.

Wayne, fast or slow?

Oh, give me slow.

If I could still be in shape for my high school days of working out every day.

Oh, my God.

Just like work out for a couple years of your life and then ride that forever.

Like, everyone, we're doing a year of basketball content.

Why?

So I can be lazy the rest of my life.

Yeah, I gotta go.

I gotta go slow.

I like that one.

We've covered this on different episodes in the past before, and it's gonna feel like a personal attack, but I promise it's not.

Wade.

Hair.

Fast or slow?

Slow.

I like being bald, and the less I gotta shave, the better.

He's right.

You're both right, and this is a weird one, but I like getting haircuts.

And the idea of like a nice, like, long, relaxing haircut sounds kind of nice like it'd be it'd be like a spa day I'm imagining almost kind of on board with that I just don't like getting haircuts because for some well it's my own fault because I don't go to the same person so every time it's a real gamble no I do that too and it is a real gamble but I like the reward of when you go and you you get a good person and you're like oh man this is the best because a bad haircut it's fine but it's it's not it's whatever not that bad but a good hair a surprisingly good haircut how long would a haircut take in slow?

I guess it wouldn't matter if you only do it once every however long.

Yeah, I mean, I'm imagining it'd be like a whole day or something.

You'd have to be kind of because hair, I don't know.

What's a haircut?

How long do you think a haircut is?

Okay, to be bald, man, I gotta, I gotta shave a little bit more frequently than most people.

So it's like it takes, we'll say an hour every week or two.

Unless you keep it with a daily, because daily, you can kind of get one of those things, just go over it a little bit.

Maintaining bald is harder than maintaining hair as far as like the shaving.

You gotta do a lot more frequently.

Anyway, we all agreed.

I only have one more, so let's just do it and get it over with.

Fast or slow, Mark, you're up first.

Doctors.

My vision for this one is kind of like the spicy food.

You go to the doctor, and if it's fast, you go in and the doctor's like, all right, we're going to have to do a procedure.

And they take a huge machine and just.

And for like a second, you're just like, ah, but then you're healed.

Is surgery over?

Done.

Fast doctor.

There's no question that fast is better because we already live in the slow world.

The slow is what we have, and I don't want that.

I've never gone to the hospital and it not taken six hours just to see someone.

And I'm usually dying when that's happening.

Not as dying as much as many people there dying, but if I don't get help eventually, my gut would explode in the past times I've been there.

And that's pretty deathly.

So fast, yes, please, I like fast.

Just to give it a fighting chance.

The slow is a lot like the spicy too, right?

The maximum threshold for like the amount of pain you have to deal with, the amount of discomfort, the amount of being like naked and like, or awkwardly doing, like, it's lower, right?

It's not as bad.

It takes longer, but there's no, oh, you're going to feel a pinch.

And then it feels like they're stabbing you with a hot poker for 10 minutes while they're trying to do some shit to you or get a biopsy or something.

I've been stabbed with a hot poker for 10 minutes for a biopsy.

And let me tell you, they also have medicine at this hospital.

And if it acts fast too, even if it doesn't last as long, I'll take it.

i have to agree with fast even though i will say the thought of a very fast like prostate exam or something

is kind of terrifying

like a machine it's like one of those tesla plugs that was supposed to plug itself in it's just like boys and they're like stand up squat down a little lower bend over

No cancer.

Got your prostate.

And a lot of women are avoiding the gynecologist with fast.

Like anything like that sounds terrible, but I cannot fathom like blood draws for some reason make me like a bit queasy.

But it wouldn't hurt.

It'd be like a little suction cup on your arm.

It'd be so gentle.

They don't hurt me.

I just get nauseous like watching blood leave my body and having to sit there for like an hour, if that's what it took on slower, I couldn't do it.

So like it's like, get me in, get me out.

But my God, if you have to go into an orifice or like, you know, sometimes though with like earwax to like clean out ears and stuff like that, like the thought of anyone going into an orifice quick in and out is kind of fucking scary.

Yeah, I'd have to be pretty precise.

I'm assuming it would be.

It's not just like, oh, I missed again.

All right, stitch them up.

God, ears are so hard to get into, you know?

Sorry, popped the prostate, but I touched it too quick.

All right.

I have to say, I went into that leaning towards slow, but you both kind of convinced me.

But either way, you agreed.

So I guess you both get a point.

All right.

Thank you.

I don't like some of the fast, but I was still taking over the other slow, I think.

No, the fast is terrifying, but all of it is kind of terrifying to me.

So I get that.

I wouldn't.

There are some things where the doctor is just like, all right, we're going to do this.

And the whole time, I'm just like.

Some things are kind of fast.

I remember the first time I had like a freckle or mole or whatever, and the doctor was like,

we need to test this.

I was like, okay, sure.

And then like two seconds later, someone walks in with like a fucking zappy and then the scrape thing.

They're like, all right, we're just going to cut you open.

I was like, you don't have to schedule me for this?

Knock me out for this?

You're just going to cut me right now?

Like, oh yeah,

and uh, just go in, removed, band-aid, done.

And it was like, it's that easy just to chunk people.

They don't care, they don't care.

That's the end.

Yay!

I'm gonna add an input to the wheel, and then we're gonna move on to the bonus portion.

I was gonna add something about faster and slower, but I hadn't actually settled on it.

Fastest response.

I'll say what you got points for, and then we'll do the totals once there's actually points.

Wade, you got points for WEBN, Ligma69, Economist Wade, slow shits, slow batteries, fast taxes, slow workouts, slow hair, and slow doctor.

Wade's a slow man.

Fast Doctor.

Let me correct that.

Mark, you earned points for industry

with a belt.

Fast piss, slow spicy, fast tax, fast nails, slow hair, and fast doctor.

And we are going to do

two bonus rolls.

Spin number one.

Okay, why does it always wait?

Okay, all right, hold on.

It always lands here.

Maybe this wheel is not very unbiased.

Maybe this website is crappy.

If you click it multiple times in the middle, will it like super spin it?

Like, da-da-da-da.

I clicked it a bonus.

Come on.

Come on!

All right, that's a point for the listeners, and then a point for the viewers.

Damn it!

This stupid wheel.

I have bad news about that, boys.

Before the bonus spins, Mark, you had eight points.

Okay.

And Wade,

you had eight points.

Yes!

Good call!

He stands!

It will scream!

Mark and Wade tied for first.

Listeners

tied for third, technically.

Listeners, viewers tied for third with one point each.

That means I have to roll the stupid other fucking wheel.

It's at 10%.

Wade is at 45%.

Mark is at 45%.

One-man show is at 10%.

I've only ever thought about punishing Mark for this, so I have no idea what we would do for you, Bob, but I'm excited to find out.

Sure, it'll be fine.

No, there's no 10%

is nothing.

No.

I love it.

That's all me, baby.

Okay.

Mark wins.

And more importantly, Bob doesn't lose.

If I had saved the coin for this portion, would it be a respin?

It'd be a respin, but double the percentage that a one-man show comes up or something.

I don't know.

I know we talked in a recent episode about we need to clarify or change that rule or something.

I love that it's just fucking bullshit on the spot.

That we're like, whatever is doubly fair, doubly unfair, who knows?

Whatever happens, happens.

We've had a lot of ties recently, I will say.

We've had a lot of ties.

Yeah, well, now that we have bonus points at the end, it's really hard while the episode's going on to be like, I'm gonna make sure they don't tie at the end so that I don't have to spin the fucking wheel I don't want to spin.

Not that I would ever have done that, but congratulations, Mark.

Winner speech.

Thank you.

This was a great one for me.

Fast winner, fast speech, fast victory, fast done.

Very fast.

Fast indeed.

Wade, sad, slow, pitiful loser speech.

Hey.

I gave it my all.

And my all just wasn't quite good enough today.

The fates had it in store for me to come up last, and so I did.

Hey, you didn't come last, if we were honest.

You beat the viewers and the listeners.

And that one was just for the viewers.

Alright, congratulations, Mark.

Thank you for your speeches, both of you.

Slow Wade didn't have it in him.

Today, the hare won.

Lesson not learned.

Parable destroyed by reality.

The hare beat the tortoise, and the tortoise is a stinky, stinky loser.

Uh, make sure you follow Mark and Wade on their uh socials and stuff, Mark Bly, Lord Manion777, or Manion 777.

Follow me, make sure you follow the show because then you'll get like notifications when the episodes post, and it'll pop up on your devices, and you can watch and listen.

Mark will be hosting the next one because he is a winner, and that's all I have to say about that.

Thanks so much for watching.

See you in the next episode.

Bye, podcast out.

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