The Best, The Worst

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Good evening, gentle listeners and watchers, and welcome to Distractible.

This episode, well-received Wade loses pet access, burns the bangles, then asks for opinions.

Multicultural Mark invokes pretty privilege with Prusa, slams the evil echoes of spelunking, and enjoys Bambi blasting.

Burly Bob clamps for carpentry, gives great tinings, explains organized sports, and heckles headgear.

From irritating lube to crap concepts.

It's time for the best, the worst.

Now sit back and prepare to be distracted and enjoy the show.

Hello everyone, welcome back to another episode of Distractible.

I'm today's hostess with the mostest.

Wade.

Wait, has always been my co-hostess with the mostest, but slightly lessest.

Most uses is what it's the plural.

Hostesses with the most uses.

Okay.

I think, yeah, I think he's right.

Mark Bob.

Hi.

Bob Ussi, Mark Ussie.

Uh-huh.

How are your Usies today?

Oh, why are you asking about our Usies?

Because I'm perverted.

That's messed up.

That's true.

I actually have a prop that applies directly to that for some reason.

Look what I found in my basement.

Wow.

Generic lube.

It's literally...

I think I know what it's from, but when I found it, I was like, what in the shit?

Yeah, it's just a white tube that just says lube on it.

It's from Quaker Steak.

Oh, is it like hot sauce in there?

You put it on your food?

I wish.

It does say, the back does have language on it that says caution may cause skin irritation.

If it touches you, wash it.

I don't think it's that kind of lube.

That seems like the wrong kind of lube.

I think it's like

lubricant for machinery.

We had, um, we have a new workout machine that we got in the basement, and it's an elliptical.

And I think this is like lube to put on the slidey parts because it's slidey slides, but it's really fucking weird that it's just a nondescript white tube that says lube on it.

They would have put more labeling on the front, but they couldn't afford those letters.

Lubrication is a complicated word.

Don't want to print that on stuff if you don't have to, I guess.

Or machine lube, thick lube, cousin lube.

What was that last one?

What was that last one?

What was the last one?

Huh?

Oh, a hinge, like for your door.

Third one, third one.

What was the third one?

Door hinge.

You didn't say cousin lube.

What?

That's messed up.

All right, okay.

I was just saying, you are perverted, but I wasn't sure.

That one's not lube for cousin.

That's cousin named Lube.

Or that famous place in Europe, the lube.

Or that place where we're all fam.

The klube.

Come on, Mark.

Get in on this.

This is a good one.

This is a good bit, Mark.

Flube.

A place where you let me in there, the boob.

Isn't that the place where

babies come from or something?

What was that bit?

Where babies come from?

The boob.

They come from the boob.

Yeah, that's true.

Yeah, you're right.

Let me in there.

I'm a baby.

That's where I go.

Yeah, everyone's going to know that reference.

Let's not explain it.

Continue, Wynne.

No, I think it's time for small talk.

I think we're already basically there.

So what's new?

How's life?

I

love

Prusa.

I

1,000%

just randomly for no other reason and Team Prusa all the way, baby.

Got that email coming through, huh?

What?

No.

What?

Yeah, Prusa is a company.

For some reason, I thought Prusa was like a weird prune juice, but I think it's the company that does the...

It's just, I pictured like a can of like Prusa.

It's a prune juice company started by a very enthusiastic southern preacher.

Prusa!

Prusa!

Prune juice for your soul.

So I am 100% team Prusa all the way for no other reason.

I love them.

I love them.

I love them.

What'd they send you?

FTC, just so we're clear, I think Mark might have got a couple of 3D printers.

What?

How's it going with the printers?

They work good.

You like?

It was really good.

I had an email exchange with them.

For those who don't know, Prussia is a 3D printing company.

Super getting into it.

YouTuber privileges is coming in hot and hard i

i emailed them and they were like oh we're a big fan we'll send you a printer i was like oh that's great cool so they sent me a printer and that's not unusual they sent me a printer and it works really well if anything i think it's actually legitimately better than the bamboo lab um you don't have any of the privacy issues i also 3d printed an upgrade to it right after i i got it that's the best

a 3d printed dry box for the filament spool holder which is in embedded inside really cool.

And so I was like, hey, maybe there's a bigger long-term relationship in there.

And I was like, you know, maybe we can work something out.

They're like, we're going to send you six printers, two extra large printers, two of our professional line printers, and then when it comes out, another printer, and then all the filament you could possibly want.

And this is for distractible, right?

Hmm.

Did you, it'll be, do you tell him it'll be on the show?

They said if they.

Oh, it goes on shelves.

Yeah, it goes on shelves.

He's only going to get six of them, Bob.

How How is he supposed to share?

I'll just buy one like a normie.

It's fine.

Prusa was very nice, actually.

And I like, this is not me, you know.

Even by markiplier standards, which people, when they find out, like, oh, you're a markiplier.

Oh, they'll often get really hyped up and be like, yeah, yeah, yeah, use our thing.

It sounds like they really got the hots for you.

He's got a box of firstborn children that people have thrown at him.

Just sitting in storage, you know?

Their printers are really good.

They're known for their reliability.

And I got to say, that thing, the new one that they got, the Corona is really good.

And it's about the same price as the bamboo lab that it's competing against.

So I'm like, thumbs up all the way.

That being said, I haven't tested out any of the other ones.

They might be giant pieces of shit for all I know.

But I doubt it because it's Prusa.

What if they are?

What a funny gag that would be.

They make one really good one, and that's the one where they're like, oh, send this to all the YouTubers and stuff.

Like, get people to talk about this one.

And the rest of them are just like Chinese

re-badges of knockoff crap.

Like, haha, gotcha.

The one of them that I'm excited about is the XL, like the Super Large, because it has interchangeable tool heads.

So instead of like with the Bamboo Lab, you have four filament spools in your thing, but they all go through one tube.

So it has to cut them off and then pull it all the way back or and then expel the filament that was in there before and then feed in a whole new line.

With the XL, it just goes up, docks the tool head that had the filament that it was in it, and retracts, goes to grab the other one, then prints with that one.

So there's very, it's really cool, way faster, allows you to do more like impressive stuff with it.

So I'm very excited about that one.

Also, it's very big.

So really, really big.

You know, what's the print volume on that thing?

You know, what is a print volume on that?

I haven't gotten it yet.

So where are you going to store these things?

Are you getting rid of the servers?

Are you?

Oh, you know, just convert another bathroom.

I realize if I just hold it, I don't actually need to use the bathroom.

So I can convert all the bathrooms into additional 3D printing space.

You can just print a toilet when you need one.

Prusa XL build volume is about 14 inches cubed.

Oh, cool.

Yeah.

Bamboo lab is like 256 millimeters cubed, which is, I think this is like parameters are about a third bigger, but the volume increases cubically by the.

Yeah, it's 36 centimeters cubed.

So what is that?

360 millimeters cubed?

Is that how that works?

I don't know Europe numbers.

So to us normal people out there, Mark got printers.

I got printers.

And hey, if you're going to get printers out there, why not consider a Prusa?

One of us is sponsored for this.

Kind of, basically.

That's fun.

This is the legal gray area because they didn't ask for a contract.

You know, they give me a lot of shit for free.

Where's the legality in that?

Because I don't often get sponsors ever.

I did a Shopify ad just recently and it's some of the best response I've ever seen.

Yeah, I tuned into that video because that was like on headliners or something, right?

And I was like, man, what do people thought of Mark's gameplay?

I looked at the comments and it was all like, Shopify, what an ad, mark and i was like yeah what about the game the game i was a part of what people think of it they like the game yeah whatever oh mark your shopify is great like the entire comments i was just like is this a paid like audience it was a very funny ad elixian did a great job editing it he really did i think every single member of your community is a bot and all those comments were fake that's a lot of bots you were like i need this i need to be able to do my own ads again the way i want lixian buy me bots you know in Mass Effect, when you got the Geth and they're like a collective machine consciousness, that's Lixian.

He's the collective geth of.

I mean, he's everywhere.

He's over here, too.

He's everywhere.

Yeah, I still feel bad for thinking that upside down Lixian was like a...

I don't remember what I thought he was on your something.

Doing something weird.

Mountain or something.

Nah, dick.

I think it was a dick.

Bob, what's new with you?

Guys, my woodworking journey has begun.

Yeah, that's right.

I immediately started making mistakes, but it's okay because I got wood glue and clamps.

You're going to need more clamps.

I already bought more clamps twice.

If you got clamps and lube, you're already two-thirds the way to fun times.

However many clamps you have, it's not enough.

No, I only own six clamps and I need about 20 to do what I want to do.

And then you need another size of clamps that's even bigger, and then you need 30 more of a different size.

Well, and you need some calls so you can do flat glue-ups and keep them nice and nice and true up.

And you need some

good parallel clamps.

I'm going to need corner clamps.

I found a local woodworking company that makes like hardwood, custom hardwood furniture, and they just have like a room full of off cuts of pretty nice, like random-sized hardwood.

And they're like, yeah, just like whatever, like five bucks.

Take that hunk of whatever.

We got, you know, like maple and they had some mahogany, which is pretty cool.

And like, they, they just have a bunch of stuff.

So, yeah,

I'm going to do it.

I'm going to make a cutting board or something.

Hell yeah.

But also, I'm going to build the thing I'm really hype on right now is I'm going to build James a train table.

Did you guys ever have one of those when you were a kid?

No, no.

It's just a table, but it's like you put, you know, the wooden train tracks and you drive the train.

It's like that kind of thing.

But this one's going to be.

Are you going to print the tracks?

No, I already have the tracks because we got them from a secondhand shop for like super cheap.

But this one's going to have multiple levels.

And one level is going to have like Lego board affixed to it.

But but then you take that off, and there's going to be a lower level that'll be like train land.

It's going to be fun.

I'm hype about it.

I've got a really simple plan that uses mostly dimensional lumber, and it's not very professional woodworking, but I'm not a very professional woodworker, so I'm pretty hype about it.

I might even throw in some half-lap joints if I'm feeling crazy.

Flapjack joints.

Sound cool.

I talked to you guys about this, but...

Since I set this up in the last episode, Lexi's okay.

Lexi had her surgery.

She survived the surgery.

She's having some reaction, which is causing an insane amount of swelling and bruising, and the doctor is not super happy about.

But she's feeling better.

The last day or two, she's starting to feel better.

So sorry, I was all depressed and worried about Lexi, and I think it was the last episode, but it's okay.

She's okay.

It's okay.

It's perfectly understandable.

We're all pet owners here.

We all get it.

But if you could wrap up the sadness, that would be great for our ratings.

Our viewers don't really like that.

Yeah,

we've hit the two-episode threshold.

We can't talk about any topic for more than two episodes.

Like lenses or 3D printing or server.

No, very different.

I was talking about Bamboo Lab before.

This is Prusa.

Oh, okay.

So you can talk about Smexi, but no more Lexi.

Wish I'd picked a different rhyme.

Sorry, I was just taken so aback by your weird, inappropriate nickname for our dog that I don't think you you should see Lexi in person anymore.

Oh, come on.

When you come over, she goes upstairs, and we keep you guys separate.

Nothing new in the world of news if you're looking for that.

I was.

I was really hoping that you had literally anything.

God, I don't want to hear anything about the news right now.

I listen to it every day, but I don't know if I can handle anymore.

I can tell you something that will be outdated by the time this airs, but is relevant right now.

NFL free agency is happening.

And boy, oh boy, is it still still awful being a Bengals fan at the moment?

Hopefully, that changes.

Do we lose everybody yet?

Or how's that working out?

No, but man, we certainly haven't gained anything.

I feel like the past two years throughout free agency have been like, man, really feels like the team's getting worse.

And everyone in the fan base is like, no, this is great, great move.

This is going to be great.

We're going to be so good.

And my feeling is just like, man, some key pieces leaving, some question marks coming in.

I don't know.

I don't feel like that's an upgrade.

So

my support and love of my team is at an all-time, well, medium.

Listen, who needs offensive or defensive lineman when you have a quarterback and two receivers?

That's if I know anything about football, that is all you need.

I'm pretty sure that's the entire team, basically.

Everyone else is just show, just fluff.

That's what's been relevant in my life the last 24 plus hours is just doom scrolling like, anything cool?

Anyone?

You guys were so close to winning.

We just need a few pieces.

Could you sign anyone?

And they're like,

no.

I think it'd be quite the move if a team who was like not particularly good, but maybe could make a bunch of cap space just bought Burrow and Chase and Higgins or one of those two and just brought them in and was like, we're good now.

See?

Like that would be terrible for the Bengals, but it would be fun because then everyone would get to see who else on the Bengals does things.

I don't know, man.

Cleveland's a mess.

I guess I can't rule them out.

But like, the Bengals were so close to winning a Super Bowl and they've just destroyed their team since.

The only team I can think of that seems to actively be like just avoiding winning more is maybe the NBA team, the Dallas Mavericks.

Okay, how,

again, I'm amateur in my knowledge of football, but if you have a team that almost won the Super Bowl, why would you change anything?

Because it just sounds like you just need to take the same that you had and do it again.

Somehow, it seems like we have a broke billionaire owner.

The thing is money.

I am also not an expert, but I will say the thing is money, right?

It's expensive to keep good players.

And also Burrow, Chase, and T.

Higgins have all proven that they're like S-class top tier players, which means that even if they are under contract with Cincy, there's a big potential that someone else would be like, here's an even more hilariously large pile of money if you come play with us.

And they'll get bought out of their contract or just break their contract or whatever.

Like, I don't know the specifics, but basically it costs a lot.

And for some reason, our owner is too cheap to want to win a Super Bowl.

Or there's also like a salary cap.

I have no specific knowledge of how that works or where it stands.

However, there was more space in that than they expected this year.

It went up a lot more.

We had like a top five offense last year and like a bottom five defense.

One of our like maybe three solid to great defensive players was like, hey, I'm also due for a payday.

And we were like, well, we do need help on the defense.

So what if we trade you?

Because winning is for idiots.

Hey, I know this isn't a sports podcast, but I have funny sports news.

I couldn't tell if this was real for a long time, but it's really fucking funny.

The MLB is in spring training right now, so they're starting to play baseball.

Major League Baseball to the viewers out there.

And they released like a new, like every, they release new apparel like all the time, right?

And they released a new series of hats where it's like, generally, it's like the team logo really big, and then like the letter of the city or the state that they're from in the middle, just as like a general design, which

sure,

but it made some hilarious hats because, like, the

Texas

logo, the Texas Rangers logo is just the word Texas is what they went with.

But then they put a big T in the middle of it.

And so it's just a hat that says TTOS because they literally just put a T over a word that had a different letter in that spot.

So there was a TTOS Rangers hat.

And also,

the athletics moved, right?

Previously, it was the Oakland Athletics.

I don't know anything about it, but they moved.

The end of the last season was their last season in Oakland.

Apparently, they've moved to a new city with an S in it.

I'm unclear.

Anyway, they released a hat that literally just says S

because their team logo is the A's, right?

So it's like A apostrophe S.

And the hat is A S in the background, A S in the foreground, shifted to the left, and it just says ass.

It's just a green hat that says ass on it in the athletics font.

And it's real.

I thought it was a joke.

It's legitimately an ass hat that.

It just says ass.

Another one I really like is the

Los Angeles Angels.

Their hat just said angels on it, but it didn't have like LA because that's the Dodgers.

The Angels small logo is just the letter A.

So the hat just says Angels

or Anils or something.

But like, it's...

What a well-thought-out campaign.

Whoever designed these hats is fucking hilarious because I think they knew what they were doing.

Their bosses might not have known what they were doing or whoever hired, you know, contracted them, but they knew what they were doing.

And it's fucking awesome.

And they're all sold out because I would have bought an ass hat immediately.

No questions asked.

You can't buy any of these.

They're already sold out.

Some of them are already taken off the internet completely.

Can't buy them anywhere.

I wish I had seen this sooner because I would have bought possibly two or three of these hats.

I have been in the meetings of things that go like this.

Like hours and hours of conversation about an unimportant detail that sits in the very corner of whatever it is that they're trying to make, and no one cares about what's in the middle.

It's like we need this one little disclaimer, or oh, this trademark symbol needs, oh, it's got to be perfect.

And like, they gotta have all this text over here, just a little bit over here.

Whole logo, no one's paying attention to it.

The whole meeting, no one cares.

Yeah, I mean, I'm not a huge baseball fan, but I generally root for the Reds, but I'm thinking hard about rooting for the TTAS.

The titties and the ass anals, man, it's hard not to root for them.

The TTAS Rangers, my favorite team.

also tetas in spanish means tits unless you said that already i didn't but i did know that that's why it's funny he is pronounced a so tetas in america it's pronounced tetas

that's true we don't speak other languages here so but we did rename it americo instead of mexico so

is that why the gulf name changed It's actually the Gulf of America, because we renamed the country.

It's weird that America has unilateral authority to just do stuff like that.

Wow, I mean.

it's no, Mark, it's weird that we did that because we did that and it's a thing now.

And

everyone else in the whole world ignoring that we did that doesn't mean it's not true.

That's not what I'm getting.

I'm about to get pedantic.

I'm about to get pedantic.

Someone made the map a long time ago and they just made shit up.

Yeah.

Someone drew a dragon in the middle of the ocean one day.

Doesn't mean it's true.

Dragon D's nuts.

Maps can't lie.

I assume they sailed up and they sailed past the words Gulf of Mexico floating on the ocean and the cartographer was like, oh, Gulf of Mexico.

Man, that's handy.

Oh, no, I like Gulf of Mexico better.

Gulf of Mexico.

Don't make fun of my Ohio accent.

Yeah, I've lost it.

I'm all California now.

It's okay.

Hang out with us a little bit.

You'll get it back.

Okay, all right.

At least once a week.

Okay.

Sounds like a lot, honestly, but

this episode is brought to you by T-Mobile 5G Home Internet.

I'm sure everyone can agree with me when I say that nowadays, everything in your house keeps getting smarter.

Smart speakers, smart mirror, smart toaster, smart coffee maker, smart shoes, smart carpet, everything.

What isn't smart?

Luckily, T-Mobile 5G Home Internet makes it easy to keep all your devices connected.

With their quick, one-cord setup, you can hop online in literally 15 minutes or less.

They've also got fast speeds, a price that works for any budget, and a five-year price guarantee.

So if you're looking for internet that keeps up with you, connect to T-Mobile Home Internet for their fast 5G speeds, easy 15-minute setup, and five-year price guarantee.

Visit t-mobile.com slash home internet to check availability.

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Guarantee exclusions and details at tmobile.com slash home internet.

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I do have an episode for today.

We've had a bit of small talk.

I feel like our first episodes are always a bit more small talk heavy because we're like, let's catch up.

We're not talking about it.

What?

First episode?

What?

First episode of the month, of the week, first episode of the year.

I don't know, whatever it is.

We're going to do a fun little thing.

This is pretty easy.

It's just, I'm going to propose things.

You guys are going to answer.

It's simple.

Best and worst of things, but I've got a variety of different topics.

So if everyone's like, we've done this before, maybe, but this is different because I said so.

And I'm the host, so I get to say so.

That's the rules.

Let's just start with what is the, what is the best number?

One, one, baby.

Number one.

Nah.

One.

Nah, no way.

Number one, baby.

One statement.

Ask anybody, which would they rather be?

Number two or number one.

Number zero?

No.

Loser.

Hercules went from zero to hero, and hero might as well be one.

Hero is the other way from one.

One is a downgrade from zero.

He went from zero up to negative one or hero.

Yeah, that's what I'm saying.

No, hero is one.

That's why I'm saying zero is bad.

He went from zero to zero.

He went left on the number line, Mark.

Left is good.

Right is bad.

Am I flipped or something?

But if he went left on the number line from zero, wouldn't he?

Look, the best number is clearly 24.

For reasons I can't fully explain, it's just the best number all around.

That's a good number.

It has multiple divisors, which is very pleasant.

It's aesthetically balanced and pleasing.

It looks fantastic on like a sports jersey or on like a race car application.

It's not so high that you can't count to it.

If you had to count 24 of something, you'd be like, nah, okay.

Wasn't that Jeff Gordon's number?

Yes.

The rainbow DuPont car, number 24, Jeff Gordon.

Also, 24242424 is Wade's phone number.

Okay, I wasn't going to share that, but yeah, you're right.

I'm partial to the number three myself, even though everyone's going to be like, seven, it's actually number three for me.

Three?

What are you, an Earnhardt fan?

What's number three phone?

I'm not a big NASCAR guy, but I just like the number three.

I don't dislike the number three.

That's just a, I would never have picked that as like the best number for my own sensibilities.

Well, if I could rebrand, I'd be Wade Three or Wade, Wade, Wade.

You should be Wad 3, where the three is an E, but no one gets that.

So they think your name is Wad or Wad, Wad, Wad.

Three does have like balance.

It's this,

I feel like there is balance to it, you know.

Triangle, strongest shape, you know.

Olympic podium, gold, silver, bronze.

Bronze best medal, three.

Wait a minute.

It's number one.

Number one, baby.

Number one just gets gold.

You know what's better than that?

Platinum.

Does three get platinum?

Or did I miss something?

Actually, I don't think platinum's now cheaper than gold, I think.

Gold's more expensive.

Isn't gold relatively easy to obtain compared to other things, though?

Don't matter.

It's gold.

Okay.

Gold.

What is the worst number?

You just had to ask that, didn't you?

You motherfucker.

Also, I should take everyone's points away for not saying 60 no one said 69 is the best number listen we're having a serious discussion here if if you're looking for that kind of humor then i think we've established today that i'm a pervert and that 69 would in fact be a great number for me oh you are a pervert that's true thank you i forgot i have a candidate for the worst number it's a lot of numbers any number

over 13 000 is the worst number.

And any number you name, whatever next number you say that's also over 13,000, that's just the next worst number.

Whichever, they're all the worst.

They're all terrible.

Even like a million?

No, I know.

I know.

I know.

I got it.

Nine, nine, nine.

Because I hate, and I've said this before, gas stations, when they do the

$3.19, $9,999.

Nonsense.

Cut it out.

Round up or round down.

Stop being a coward.

and go to eight or zero.

I don't think it should be legal for prices to include denominations you cannot offer as payment.

Like, I get that credit cards and digital transactions, you can do whatever you want, but there's nothing smaller than a penny.

If I can't pay it in cash, don't fuck don't do it.

Because if I'm paying you cash, you're clearly rounding that shit off anyway.

You're not giving me one hundredth of a penny back when I get my change.

It's bullshit.

And we're long overdue to eliminate the penny in general

because like it costs more than to produce than it's actually worth.

So why even have have it?

No one does cash anymore, really.

I do cash, I have cash in my pocket right now.

Yeah, I have cash in my wallet right now, but I, this is more of personal preference.

I feel like the U.S.

is a little behind the rest of the world in terms of how our currency is broken down.

I really like in like in Europe and in Canada, I believe, how there's like dollar and they're not dollars, but they have loonies and tunies in Canada or one or two Euro coins in the EU.

It's nice.

You don't need paper that small.

You don't need singles, they are for vending machines.

I guess America's big on strippers, so you need singles.

I don't know.

I don't know why it's got to be paper.

I like the coins.

I feel like the coins is a good direction.

With inflation, I doubt that strippers even want singles anymore.

No, they get a better deal on couples.

Who gets a better deal?

The stripper?

Oh, yeah.

Less work, more money?

More lap.

You're not confined to a tighter space.

Strippers will have a wide lap.

You got wide thighs?

Oh, you know, all

over you.

It's like having a bigger bedroom.

It's like, do you really need it?

No, but everyone wants a bigger bedroom.

Bigger lap, more space.

You can do more dance.

I maintain my answer.

I like Mark's answer.

It has a lot of strong points.

My answer is just broadly correct.

No number over 13,000 has any use to a normal person.

They all stink and they're too big.

Can't understand it.

Doesn't mean anything.

Stinky.

Big, stinky numbers.

All right.

Are you going to like decide who's right, or are we just going to do this?

And then you're just going to be like, next.

I'm marking points down.

Don't worry.

But you're not going to.

You're not going to tell us right now.

We're just going to.

No one has to be right.

These are just opinions, man.

You're not wrong for feeling that way.

I think it's pretty clear that one of us is more right than the other so far on everything we've talked about, but okay, that's fine.

Yeah, but I've got to let Mark participate, man.

Can I get runner up on worst number?

Infinity.

Because that shit's dumb.

Anyone smart that's going to fay?

I'm like, you're actually stupid.

You're secretly stupid, but you don't want anyone to.

Miley's favorite number is I.

Oh, yeah, because it's imaginary.

Well, I know.

Well, don't talk about I around Bob.

He can't imagine it.

What do you mean, imaginary numbers?

Come on, yeah.

There's something in the picture in your mind.

Listen, if I can't count it with my fingers,

if I have I apples, how many apples is that?

Give me some apples.

All right, hold up your finger.

Now, editors, invert my finger back into my hand and then square it.

Easy, easy fix.

I've always hated imaginary number.

I hate that.

That drives me nuts.

I thought that wasn't even what Mark said.

He said infinity.

I know.

I said I.

He said infinity.

Infinity is stinky, though.

I feel like that's impliedly included in mine suggestion, but it is like a different thing.

And I agree.

What is the best awful smell?

Okay, all right.

Well, I've said this many times before because it's very bad for you, and many people don't like it, but the smell of cigarettes, I just like.

I just like bad smell.

I like tobacco, I like the smell.

And what's weird is I don't like going into like a humidor where it's like a cigar room.

Oh, that's a whole other thing.

Those are a lot.

Yeah, I don't like that, but just like, you know, just standard cigarettes.

Cigarettes are smelly.

Like, I agree, cigarettes have like a smell, and I just like it myself.

But a cigar smoker coming in, like, whenever I worked retail, having someone who smokes cigars come in and smell like cigar was so much worse than cigarette smoke smell or weed smoke smell cigar people fucking stink i didn't say it i did cigar smokers out there you reek and it's bad a bold take i

was trying to think of something that's not kind of a copy of mark's answer but i i have a similar thing i guess my favorite awful smell is uh two-stroke engine exhaust like like the smell of like a go-kart or like a lawnmower it smells like i'm inhaling things that will kill me but also that's a very something very nostalgic about that that's very like love go-karts and and lawnmowers and things of my childhood and it's associated with a lot of positive stuff all right what is the worst bad smell all right so you're cave diving right and you

you crawl into

a crevasse like you do.

You're trying to squeeze into the devil's anus, you know, you're really crawling in there your hair your hose lines getting torn up your your tanks getting cut to shreds but you're squeezing through because hell yeah it's it's a hole you got to be in there and you you accidentally dislodge a rock that causes water to shoot out into an exposed rusted sewer line your gas mask gets pulled off there's enough air in there for you to have a minute or two of consciousness and just the fetid ocean water all the other dead bodies of divers who you had to move their bones out of the way to get into the devil's anus are amongst you.

Their remains, sewage,

and then rust.

And also, there's a fracking was taking place nearby, so you got that.

Who would get horny in a place like, oh, fracking, sorry.

I'm not here to yuck people's yum.

Do it if you want, but you have to be some special kind of absolute psychopath to go caving on purpose.

Oh my God.

I've watched like some of the documentaries about like the guy who got stuck upside down, wedged in the, and they just he just died in there because they couldn't get him out.

And they were just like, well, see, seal that one, steal that one up.

Let's just leave him.

Seal that one.

And that's his cave now.

But like, holy crap.

And there's like videos of a guy being like, okay, I need to breathe out a little bit more, and then I think I can shoot me through.

Yeah, I'm fitting.

I'm fitness.

Like, just watching those videos, I'm like, ah, fuck.

Why would you do that on purpose?

God damn.

So many videos that are like, oh, this guy got trapped and died a horrible death.

And I'm like, oh, I've watched this one.

And I click it.

It's a different guy in a different cave.

Every single time I find another video that I'm like, it must be the same story, right?

No, different guy.

And it's, look, it's exploration, and it's fine.

That's people, people get excited about that and do what you want.

But like, man, of all the types of exploring shit you could do, that has got to be just the most terrifyingly claustrophobic one.

Like, I wouldn't really want to go in a submarine way down in the ocean or climb to, you know, Mount Everest or whatever else.

Those sound kind of hard, actually, really hard and kind of scary.

But the caving thing sounds like fucking, it sounds like a thing you do to a torturer person.

Like, you get captured in the enemy prison camp.

They're like, all right, your only job is to climb down into this cave and then climb back out every day.

And you do that till you tell us everything you know and we'll we'll let you leave or something.

It would work.

I wouldn't even climb in once.

I'd give up, I'd betray my whole, everyone I ever knew just to not have to do that.

It's just a long, prolonged death.

Because you're, you know, people starve to death.

You know, people, you know, you know, pain or whatever, have injuries, whatever.

But it's also, you have to deal with that, and you're trapped and can't move, and you're upside down, and the walls are closing in around you.

And also, everyone, you hear voices behind you being like, we can't help him.

What do we tell them?

Well, I don't know, let's give them the fall of hope, I guess, because it echoes so hard

from the cave entrance.

Ugh, I ugh, yeah.

No, I mean, people, people get their adrenaline rush in whatever way they get it, I guess, and can't be helped.

But man, it's that I've clicked on those videos that you watch too, where it's like the story, and I always imagine it's like, oh, well, he must have realized there was some like a gold deposit or something.

It's like, nah, he just thought maybe this cave might connect over to this other cave that was also on this, you know, like a mile away.

There's a different cave.

And he was like, well, if they connect,

so then they'd be connected and we would know about that.

Yeah, gotta know about that.

Well, now that I'm all itchy and anxious, everyone, great talk.

Hey, you asked.

You asked about the worst smell, man.

Smells.

My worst smell is James's poopy dipey.

And not because the smell particularly is that bad, but because it comes with the realization that now I gotta go change that.

And it's always like, and he has had some real rippers.

That man makes some stinky poops sometimes.

But it's even when it's not so stinky, you have that moment where you're like,

oh, let me look.

Oh, poopy.

Oh, poopy.

Okay, let's go upstairs.

I will say, I remember as a kid when my younger brother was still in diapers, I walked in the restroom while my parents were changing his diaper, and I have never forgotten how horrible that smell was like it was one of my biggest regrets as an older brother was being in the vicinity of a diaper change it could be pretty pretty spicy that singular moment might be why i'm not a parent right now is the memory of that diaper there's a lot of other parts to it i'm not gonna lie but that is a part of it you know the velcro the butt yeah i gotcha the what oh the diaper no there's a lot to being a parent there's a lot of other parts too but poopy diapers is part of it.

I can't lie.

Yeah, I was also kind of like an exorcist baby who like projectile vomited everywhere.

Ooh, that's tough.

I have known other

had friends who have had babies who had that, and I'm really glad James didn't do that because that's there's not much you can do about it.

Just happens.

Yeah, I think my head spun around a full 360 and I just spewed like a

sprinkler.

I actually have not seen The Exorcist.

You should see it.

Oh, yeah, as a movie guy and a horror guy, That feels like one you'd probably enjoy.

Yeah, I mean, you'd think, but just who has time?

I guess not you.

What is the best activity you've tried?

Activity?

Activity, sport.

Kind of generic.

Just something you've tried that, like, maybe you isn't like a typical everyone's done it.

Just something you've done that you've been like, oh, this is the best thing I've done.

Sex is pretty cool.

Tell me twice.

That's not my answer.

That's not my answer.

That's not my answer.

You want to try a new activity?

Found out about about this cool activity.

Just like a weird, like a hobby, a sport, anything that you've just tried that maybe like, I don't know, that was the best thing.

You were like, oh man, I'm really glad I did that.

I have one that's really not that weird, but it's weird to me because I don't come from,

I'm not, this is not a thing I'm as familiar with.

And I've talked about it, I think, on this show before.

I went trap shooting.

A friend's birthday party happened, and we went out and went trap shooting.

And I didn't grow up around guns, and I don't have any guns.

And I don't have a super negative opinion, but I kind of fear them from a distance just in the thing of like, I don't want that in my house because that could be dangerous and you have to be very careful and safe.

But getting to go with Admiral Akbar has got to be really cool.

Because it's trap shooting.

I was trying to decide if that was funny.

I don't like it.

It's a trap.

Yeah, I know.

I got it.

I got it.

It was fun.

It was surprisingly fun.

And I think both because it wasn't as hard on my shoulder as I thought it was going to be.

You definitely get sore, but it's not like I didn't have like a huge ridiculous bruise or anything too bad.

And it was you could like I didn't hit every shot but I hit some shots and when like the thing gets launched and it's going and you're like yeah

and you get it it's very satisfying it's very rewarding and it's like it's not so hard that you you can't hit a single one the first time you go out you can hit some and like there were a couple stations where there were two or three that they would fire from different locations and I hit like all three of them in sequence and it was like, oh, that's nice.

That was sick.

Cool.

It was surprisingly fun.

And I'd never done it before.

It was very fun.

I didn't think I was going to enjoy it that much.

I think that's one of the few shooting activities that can be reliably fun.

Because with target practice, it's just like you're basically doing work.

You know, there's some fun to it.

But I mean, those who go like once a week, well, several times a week, not only do they have lead poisoning,

but

they also just are just practicing for the coming apocalypse that might, well, maybe, who knows what the next few years are going to look like, but they're practicing for something there.

But with that, it's more like a game.

It's an actual game.

And it's like, I'm not really a hunter.

So anytime I don't, I don't like the idea of going out and shooting a coyote just like, it doesn't feel right.

They're just, there's hungry dogs out there.

Deer, kill them all.

I think that they

will destroy them.

What do deer do to you?

You haven't heard about the prions, the prions in deer.

That problem?

Destroy them.

Wipe them out, annihilate them.

Aren't those the enemy in

Starfield?

Stardust, star.

Are you thinking of Protoss from StarCraft?

That's the one.

They're not the enemies.

I mean, it depends on your perspective, but whatever.

I don't think it's an uncommon perspective to be like, yeah, deer, we need to control that problem.

That's real bad.

I think that from gun owners to, I actually, there was a podcast I was listening to where there's like, you know, there's some people that have guns, and there's one person that's like very anti, like really progressive, but it was very much like, Give every American a gun and tell them to kill one deer.

They gotta be gone.

We gotta get not extinct, but just you know, really, really gotta control that down a bit.

I'm echoing that sentiment, but also, I don't think I could go hunting.

I'm fine with the idea of if it was a survival situation and I had to eat, but

makes me sad.

So, what's the best activity for you then?

Hmm?

Killing deer.

Killing deer.

I pursue

sex.

I can't go hunting, but killing deer.

That's different.

It's different.

Not hunting.

That's cullen.

Like Edward Cullen.

Yeah, I was team Jacob.

I was about to make that joke and you beat me to it by half.

Now I know what it feels like to be you guys typically.

Just laughing and laughing, laughing right way, just laughing.

Better to laugh than to cry.

Best activity, good cry.

I'll put that down.

Stealing that.

Now, you know what?

I agree with that.

You know what?

I don't handle well.

I learned this morning.

I had to take Lexia in for a follow-up appointment.

She's doing fine, but they just had to change a bandage and look at some stuff.

She's getting treatment at a pet hospital, which has an emergency thing.

And it's very unfortunate.

And I don't at all blame these people.

But this morning, I was the only one who was there for like a normal scheduled doctor visit.

And it was busy.

And there were some like frantically upset people.

And I am a sympathetic crier.

And I did not do very well trying to stand in a waiting.

There was like one woman who was there by herself because she brought her dog in because it had seemingly had a seizure or something neurological.

It was very bad.

She was like filling out paperwork, weeping, which I get because I would be too.

Then there was a family whose dog was like getting treatment who was not doing well.

It seemed like the dog maybe was terminal or it was not going well.

And they like brought them back.

to see the dog and then came back out and they were all just like weeping like super and there were some other dogs or whatever animals who were there and the owners were all like it was for all for emergencies and everyone was super upset and i was like i'm just here to get my my dog's fine we're fine she's just getting looked at but like i i couldn't i can't handle that shit in public that's a that's a specific type of setting that i'm not in very much it was i didn't like it i was it was hard and not because it was sad but just because it made me cry for no apparent reason, which made me deeply uncomfortable.

Because I'm staying there with my relatively healthy pet and she's like licking me and being like, what are we doing, dad?

And everyone else is like, please, please save my baby.

Please help us.

It just felt weird.

I didn't care for it.

Not in a judgmental way.

I'm sorry for those people.

But in good activities, you ever go to a good stand-up show?

Even not-so-good stand-up is pretty fun.

You're definitely right on that one.

I like the improv shows we went to back when we were watching improv.

Those were fun.

Those were fun.

Those were good.

I've never forgotten.

I don't know if you guys remember the specific skit where there was like the guy on a plane who just kept screaming in agony and looking at his knees.

Not specifically.

They were like sitting down and the guy was just like

too relatable for Wade.

But he just like that was part of his thing.

It was like he would just like look at his knees and just like let out an ear-piercing scream was part of his like thing.

It was one where they would like they would run and like turn the page to like the next yeah it was a herald, right?

That was mainly what we saw: we saw a few heralds, but they circled back to that character two or three times.

But every time, like, he was like walking around, then he would just like stop, like, almost Jim Carrey-like, and scream in agony.

I don't remember that.

The dude lives rent-free in my head.

Wow, I don't know that at all.

Sounds hilarious, but it was just so unexpected because everyone's like doing their characters.

This guy's just like playing an old dude who's just in excruciating pain with every movement he makes.

Oh, anyway.

Um,

worst activity.

All right, so bad activity.

I don't like the idea of going skydiving.

Never going to do it if I can help it.

There is apparently a known skydiving place where people die.

And I think it's in California somewhere, but it has a reputation because someone just recently died on that same airline.

And a lot of people in the Reddit comps are just like, I already know which air, which not airline, but which skydiving company they were talking about.

And

sure enough, it was that same one.

Just, I don't know what's going on with that one.

I don't know the name of it.

I'm not trying to protect them or anything.

Like, I'm not going to say who they are.

Like, I would probably prefer to warn people about it.

It's one of those that you sign up and you think you know the package you're getting, but actually you have to individually say, like, I want a parachute or I want this.

Like, they nickel and dime you for individual pieces.

It's the Ryanair of skydiving companies.

It's like, oh, we guaranteed you a seat.

We didn't say that your seat would have an armrest.

We didn't say it would have a back to it.

Reserve chute.

You made a money.

So, okay, what's the worst one you've tried, though?

Worst thing you've done that you were like, eh.

Because you've done some weird stuff.

You've tried like intermittent sleeping.

You've tried like weird diets and things.

Just anything.

Tried some weird stuff.

He looks like so accused that you had like that accusatory like, what are you saying about me?

You've tried some weird stuff.

You have, man.

You went to a parkouring group in college and just jumped off a building.

Yeah, well, I don't want to do that.

I don't know if I have anything I've actually done that I would consider the worst.

I don't do those things.

If I think something would probably be the worst, I probably didn't do it.

But what is the worst one you've done?

Like, what is one of you struggling?

It doesn't have to be like necessarily a bad thing to do, just something you didn't enjoy.

Parades.

Man, have I never been to a parade of any kind where at any point I was like, I'm glad we came.

This is fun.

I love that.

Every parade I go to inevitably leads to me getting like way overstimulated or literally sitting there on the on the parade route just being like, holy fuck, that's the loudest ambulance I've ever seen.

I have earplugs with me at all times so that I can add ideas.

Something's loud.

There's tons of brands on Amazon that sell these little kits.

They clip right onto your keyring.

They're like 20 bucks and they work.

So they cut it down just enough that you can still hear, but it just, it reduces everything down a bit.

It's great.

Yeah, I mean, if I ever do, I'm sure I'll go to a parade again at some point because we have a kid and, you know, he might like it.

I doubt it because he's our son.

and I don't think Mandy and I are very big parade people, but at earplugs will be in order because, oh my God.

I would say probably something similar is like,

I've been to concert and they're fine.

You know, I'm not typically like a big music guy, but I have gone to, you know, I do like music and I've been to concerts.

I went to a concert where they had a pit and it was just not, it wasn't like, you know, the kind of mosh pit where people are trying to hurt each other by throwing elbows like that.

But it was enough that I was just like, I, in no way would I ever, ever enjoy this experience where it's like crammed in there, you're being jostled around.

I don't know this band.

I don't know the music.

I don't know what's going on.

I hate everything.

I can't even get out.

I'm trapped.

There was a point in my life where I liked.

like new metal and I liked metal growing up.

And there was a point where I went to concerts with friends and I was like, yeah, cool.

And I never actually went in a mosh pit because that sounded really stupid to me.

But as a now looking back on that, I find it so confusing why people like mosh pits.

I guess it's just exciting, but I feel like the best case scenario is you're like, yeah, I went into the mosh pit.

This guy jumped and flipped in the air and knead me in the face and broke my orbital bone.

It was awesome.

It's like, but you, but you.

You didn't even like hit him back.

It's not like you got in a fight.

He just did that and you were like, yeah.

And then you hit somebody somebody else, probably with your what

it's confusing.

So, wait, is the pit your answer, Mark?

Is that the worst thing you've tried?

Yeah, yeah, because I mean, a lot of the activities I've done, you know, even if they were hard, even if it was uncomfortable, I'm like, okay, okay, that's fine.

That was just unpleasant, and that is actually an activity that people do regularly, so I don't get that one.

Yeah, like every concert, there's usually like uh Ed Sheeran concert, crazy pits at Ed Sheeran concerts.

When he starts rapping, they go fucking nuts in the pit, man.

Classical orchestra pits, you gotta love it.

Henry's barking, and Amy's not home right now.

There might be someone at the door.

Can I go a step away?

Yes, you may.

Some other guy just walks in the door.

I mean,

I guess I could still give him points, whoever it is.

Hey, Mr.

Holman Trudy, you want to join us?

You want to play a game?

Would that mean that Mark would win the episode?

Or would the random other person win the episode?

Oh, I want to give them their own score sheet.

Okay.

That's risky.

Well, I mean, if we got to replace him, might as well do it with the dude who's got the same background you know easier for the editors

it was nothing it was nothing he was lying to me i've never heard a dog bark at nothing before that's crazy you know what one point to henry for comedy

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Well, we can wind up.

We've got through a couple, not as many as I.

No, more, more,

more, more, more.

Speed round, more, more.

How long do you want this episode to be?

All right, we'll do one more.

What is the best conspiracy theory?

We've talked about conspiracy theories a few times, and I can't think of a single one right now.

Oh, the coincidences of if you take the map of missing people and caves.

Is that a true thing?

Yeah, if you overlay the map, like national map of like, I'm not sure how true it is.

Of course, it's conspiracy theory.

So the maps might have been fabricated, but from what I saw, you see a map of like, this is the density of missing people, and then you pull up a map of like caves.

And it's like, and it makes sense on its surface, like, yeah, people go caving.

You hear about, you know, like devil's ass crack jumping face first into that, but also it could be Bigfoot lizard people.

I don't know if this is a a conspiracy, but I guess this popped into my head.

You guys can tell me if this is.

The idea of sovereign citizenship, is that a conspiracy or is that more like an ideology?

Do you guys, you guys know what sovereign citizens are?

I think so.

They're like...

They're people who claim that they are sovereign unto themselves.

They do not recognize the, like if they live inside the U.S., they don't recognize the sovereignty of the United States.

And they'll do shit like put a license plate on their car.

Their car will be unregistered, but they'll have a license plate that just says, sovereign citizen.

Like, I registered this with myself.

And it's just a fake license plate they bought online type of shit.

They are basically conspiracy theorists that, like, the conspiracy is their own life.

And this is kind of cruel, but they bring it on themselves.

So I feel like it's okay to laugh.

Videos of sovereign citizens representing themselves in court, especially for minor things like traffic tickets or like civil disputes or whatever, are always so fucking funny.

Because they're like a person representing themselves in court in general can be, it's funny, but like it's kind of sad because like they're, you know, they're probably not protecting their personal rights as much as they could if they had a real representation.

But maybe they know what they're doing.

That's not likely, but maybe.

But software citizens will just be the most smug, like arrogant, full of it.

They'll be in court and be like,

Your Honor, since I don't recognize the jurisdiction of the state of Maine or of the country of the United States,

I move that this be dismissed.

And the judge will just look at them and be like,

This is fucking traffic court.

There's no, you don't make motions.

There's no evidence.

This is not a trial.

You drove your car 58 miles an hour in a 35 mile an hour zone.

Do you have evidence that that is not true?

And they'll be like, no, no, I did that.

But in the laws of me, that's legal.

And

it's just the judges just don't give a fuck.

Because

it doesn't happen that often, I would imagine, for any individual judge.

But when it comes up,

it's just always so funny.

And not because often the person will ultimately still be punished or fined or whatever.

That sucks.

And hopefully they deserve whatever happens.

And it's not like unjust or unoh, I almost said the word, but I didn't.

Unjust or infair.

man oh

uh but it's just watching judges just tell them to shut the hell up and that they are idiots is always funny to me i feel like sovereign citizens are the definition of that guy they're like the person that you're they're the relative you avoid at your get-togethers they're the person that like everyone's like fucking hate that that person exists it is crazy because if you wanted to live alone and off-grid and you know out in the middle of nowhere technically you kind of can to some extent because public land and whatnot.

I mean, yeah, there are definitely in America as much as in a lot of the world or more and then in a lot of the world, you could totally disappear.

You could live off-grid in a place where no one could really do anything to you.

Oh, man.

The United States is so huge and so not dense.

Yeah, there's all the Dakotas.

But for some reason, sovereign citizens like to live in the suburbs and drive their car to get Wendy's and like

on public roads.

It's almost like they want all the privileges of being a citizen without any of the consequences.

Yeah, it's funny how that works.

You said all the Dakotas.

How many Dakotas are there?

Two that we are aware of, but there's two more that are sovereign.

West and East, or is this some other cardinal?

Well, West and Southwest.

North, North, North, North, North, North, and South Dakota.

Can we just make Canada norther Dakota?

I feel like that idea was floated, and I heard they're not into it.

What?

Yeah, like, right?

It's hard to imagine why you wouldn't want to give up your national sovereignty to another nation for no apparent reason and become a state.

But I heard they're not into it.

That's my impression.

No, they're going to be called the USA.

Just because this came up previously, and I don't want to have another misunderstanding, for everyone on the subreddit and in general online who did not like when we made a joke about Canada booing the national anthem in hockey games and stuff, we fucking know why that happened.

And I think I can speak for all three of us.

We say, we generally agree with you, just to be super clear about it.

Did you guys see that?

There were people online who were like, How could they not know?

How ignorant could they be?

We need some sarcasm signs.

And if you were sincerely sad, because I understand a lot of Canadians are upset, angry, generally unsettled about what's happening between our country and yours right now.

We didn't mean to make you upset, but also

it was a fucking joke.

We know.

We heard about that.

God damn.

We also hate us.

Nobody hates us more than we.

I don't hate us.

I love us.

My heart goes out to us.

All right.

What's the worst conspiracy theory?

Flat Earth.

It's just stupid.

Oh, those are so funny, though.

Yeah, but it's not.

Did you see the big thing?

They went to Antarctica and did a bunch of experiments.

And every experiment confirmed that the Earth was round.

And the guy was like,

Well, I'm going to find some more experiments, I guess, because I know it's flat.

It's just like the alternative requires so many more leaps of logic and different fundamental physics than anything other out there.

You have to completely change the entire parameters of reality and how things work for it to be flat.

It's just so dumb.

It has to be a, it has to to be a bit that's gone on for too long.

It has to be.

It does feel like that.

Like, it's hard to imagine someone sincerely and earnestly believing all that stuff at this point.

Do you think there's like a flat earth club where they get together and they're like, dude, they still think we think the earth's flat.

We still got them.

I fucking hope so.

I hope they're pulling a huge one over on all of us.

Because if not, and they actually believe all that stuff.

Actually, that would explain a lot of what goes on in the world today.

Stupidity is a real big currency right now that people are making transactions with.

You mean people who haven't been brainwashed?

What's my worst conspiracy theory?

Yeah, worst conspiracy theory.

That was a really good one.

I don't even know if I have one that competes with that.

That's the one.

That would be my pick too, honestly.

I think that I was about to arrive at that before Mark said it out loud.

It's just dumb.

It's just dumb.

It is still funny, but in a much more depressing way.

It's like Sovereign Citizens.

It's funny from a distance.

It's sad when it's up close and you're seeing it for real.

Ah, but Sovereign Citizens isn't that sad up close.

Like, you might feel empathetically bad for the person, but they're doing it to themselves.

No, no, I don't feel bad for them.

I feel bad people have to deal with them.

Ah, just fucking existing.

Their existence

is like getting a thorn in your foot.

It's like, there's nothing pleasant about it.

It's like thorns, they exist, but goddamn, do I fucking hate them?

Sovereign citizens are fine.

They're allowed to exist.

You're watching, you're great.

Philosophically, I guess, but it's still, it's not.

I get it where everyone's like, I didn't choose to be born in a society.

And you go, yeah, I get that, but you wouldn't ever have been born if the society wasn't here.

And also, phones are pretty cool.

The internet's nice.

I like 3D printing.

That alone is a basis for society.

That's the episode.

We got to do wheels.

I have to add something, don't I?

Yeah, you got to.

Yeah, that's part of it.

Most sympathetic for the day or episode.

Like, we were sympathetic to others, or we deserve sympathy.

I think Bob dealing with the stuff with Lexi and that probably would get it today, so I guess it's biased toward him.

Why?

What about me?

What do I got to deal with you two guys all day?

You got a whole bunch of free stuff from Prussia or whatever.

Prusa.

Excuse you.

Sorry.

From Prussia.

Sorry, Prusa.

My bad.

You have to do the D3 thing, and then we'll know how many spins how many spins we got three.

Oh boy.

It's party time out here.

Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuckity, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck.

Is that one of them?

Bob, eat something.

Yeah, no, hair, hair.

We're gonna cheat.

Might as well go all in.

I'm eating a Jolly Rancher while I spin the first spin.

Oh.

Blue and purple are pretty close, right?

Probably closer than black and white or red and black.

That's a really funny choice, by the way.

I don't remember that one campaign.

I think I came up with that because you were wearing the one tan shirt that you owned and

I was like, you blend in.

Spin number two.

No, no.

Boy, four listeners.

All right.

That's going to go straight to their heads because they can only imagine it.

And spin number three.

Please end in a tie for Wade.

Please end in a tie.

It's impossible.

Keep going, keep going, keep going.

God damn it.

I mean, it's, is it between Mark and I who's the baldest or is it

supposed to be?

I have, I'm receding.

You can see I have a little, I have a little, it's receding.

Do we just re-spin this one?

Look at this.

It's like if you pull it apart, it's really bald.

If I go like this, it looks like I'm just all the way bald i have really i have the vegeta hairline remember dude if you could come in here with your hair up like vegetas my my hairline goes as far back as my ears are over here it's it's climbing if i wait if i lean back like this do you you have so much hair you can't even do it i have a i have a large crown see if we're doing this i think bob has more forehead exposed what's their what's your thing mark mark you're all what is it mid-face bob's all forehead i'm sorry wait he's just trying to negotiate the point so that he doesn't.

We don't have to do the one middle.

So, honestly, right now, the funny thing is, right now, you guys are tied.

So, if either one of you get this point.

Yeah, so you're just trying to make it so you don't get the point for baldest.

No, I can take the point.

I just said, I don't know if it's between you two, and we should re-spin, but if it lands on like listeners or viewers, do you want to take the point for baldest?

I'll take the point.

Nah, nah, you're the host.

Don't let me talk you into it.

I'm the baldest.

You know what?

Fuck you.

I'm the baldest.

We will do the tie spin that's unfair oh i'm the baldest

if i win i'm bald

so wait so if mark wins he's bald if mark loses all heads mark is bald all tails bob is bald no well the it would be doubly unfair which would mean wade would get two points Yeah, I guess so.

Yeah, I guess it's between me and him.

Wade has to do two one-man shows.

I don't think that's how we're doing that.

Heads for Mark.

Anything else doesn't really matter.

Fell on the floor.

Do I do that again?

Yeah, I would reflip.

I would say that's a reflip for Mark.

You've better flip carefully, though, because mine was Tails.

It landed Tails on the floor.

I'm not lying about that.

That's what it is.

I mean, it's pretty immature again.

I don't think it changes it either way, does it?

That would give me two points.

Is that enough to affect the outcome, Wade?

No.

Fails.

All right.

Well, you know what?

At least I beat the listeners.

That's true.

Listeners got a point just so they could come in fourth place out of three.

I'm giving Henry two bonus points so that Henry also beats the point.

That's fair.

That makes it all worth it.

That means we still have to do the one-man show wheel, though, doesn't it?

And so I have to turn it up to 8%.

Yes.

Man, I got to be better about declaring the parameters of the unfair.

I should have asked for a point or something, not just being bald.

If I'd have won that, would I have had to shave my head?

Unclear, because you didn't win, but

retroactively, I'd like to say yes.

Okay, all right, fair enough.

If you want to be the baldest, you got to beat the baldest.

We have a thing.

We have the, it's at eight percent for the one-man show.

That's looking really big.

I don't like how big it's looking.

It looks pretty girthy.

You're looking pretty girthy today.

Before you spin it, should I go over the reason you guys have points?

Just to get that out of the way so we don't retroactively retroactively do it.

Yeah, I guess.

Sure, sure.

Mark, you got points for

Flat Earth and Caves and Missing People.

Prus.

Prussy?

Oh, come on.

Prusa?

Yeah.

Devil's Anus, Sigs, Sewage Corpse Water, Sex, Kill the Deer, Good Cry, Concert Pit, Skydivers.

Bob, you got points for wood.

Lexi, looks like it says blood.

I don't think it says blood i don't know what it says go-kart smoke parades cave diving psychopaths poo diapers probably doesn't say tramp stamp tramp minority tramp sensitivity trap trap

something sovereign citizens bad cry

wheat

My pen's dying, so like it keeps fading out on these words.

We need to get you a typewriter or something.

Yeah, I'm going to need one.

Henry got three points.

Listeners got a point.

I got two points.

Wow.

You guys are tied at 12.

Listeners came in fifth out of three.

It's getting close to the worst number.

Let's see the winner.

The winner will be all of us.

If Wade.

Oh, no.

Oh, no.

Oh, Wade.

Oh, no.

Come on.

I mean, yay, but

oh, man.

that would have been so funny.

I'm happy, but also it was right there.

All right, Mark, congrats.

Winner speech.

I'd like to thank Prusa Printers, who probably gave me the confidence to inspire this win.

Go to Prusa.

No,

I'm not sponsored by them.

Don't believe anything I say.

I haven't tried them out yet, except the one.

So no thank you to them, except maybe thank you to them.

No thank you to my opponent.

Not because I'm being mean.

Not because I'm being mean.

It's not because I'm being mean.

I'm not a mean guy.

I'm a nice guy.

And I won.

And those things are very good for me and everybody.

I like winning, and people like winners.

I like me.

But my opponent, very mean.

Very mean guy.

Very mean.

Very mean guy.

Not like me.

A nice guy.

Smart too.

I zoned out.

What are we talking about?

You're doing a loser speech.

I don't really feel like a loser because we made it all the way to the accidental tie wheel.

When I lost 26 coin flips in a row, I never thought I'd be in favor of wheel spins and coin flips and all this shit.

I like it now.

I've totally total 180.

I'm glad this is the way that our show is now.

I hope it never changes.

But I'm sure it will because we'll probably just forget at some point and stop doing it.

But that's okay, because that's who we are as people.

What was I talking about?

Well, you both completely dominated me.

You only had two points.

It was 13 to 12 to 3 to 2 to 1.

Watchers didn't make the scoreboard this time, but that's okay.

At least you didn't join the scoreboard and lose as badly as the listeners did.

Stay tuned for the next one where Mark will host because he won.

I will not be doing a one-man show by the skin of my teeth, which is a terrible saying, but one that I've heard and use.

Merge.

One day, maybe.

Answer your emails.

You gotta answer your emails.

Never see merch, we'll never see it.

Sorry, everyone, that's my bad, but I won't be changing.

You can find Mark Markiplier, Bob and MyScrum, me at Minion777, or Lord Minion777.

Until the next one, podcast out.

This episode is brought to you by Welch's Fusions, the newest drop from Welch's Fruit Snacks.

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