Legend of The Monkey's Paw (Part 2)

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Good evening, gentle listeners, all watchers, and welcome to Distractible.

This episode.

Wide-minded Wade gets disrespected, so brings out the Simeon's fist.

Meaningful Mark admits to buying big, accidentally invokes the F-word, and wishes like Skeelo.

Bravo Bob sells Mark's hot ass, quests for engines, takes being Batman, but rejects body snatching.

From smashing face to ensabonur.

Yes!

It's time for

Legend of the Monkeys Poor, Part 2.

Now sit back.

and prepare to be distracted and enjoy the show.

Hey everyone, Welcome back to another episode of Distractible.

I'm today's host, Wade, joined as always by my co-host, Mark and Bob.

Hi.

Hello.

I.

I'm sorry, sir.

I would never interrupt your introduction.

I appreciate that very much.

No, go on, though.

You know, what did you have to say?

No, it would be.

I was just going into small talk, but I don't need to.

You know what?

Let's do small talk.

Mark, did you have something?

Well, I was just going to mention about, you know, this red spot in my eye.

I don't even know if it was in the last episode.

I was like, wow, why does it look like I'm bleeding out of my eyes?

Go on.

I was just going to say, like, hey, we got me this new retinol and go for your skin.

And your first thought was splash it in your eyes.

Well, you know how men apply face anything, right?

Where you just

aggressively put it in like a baking pan and then you just dip your face in like Mrs.

Doubtfire.

I'm not foreign to skincare, right?

But I think it just like got in here and it burns.

It hurts.

It hurts.

Or I.

I don't know, man.

man i feel like i've i've ruined the beginning of this episode guys i i just i don't know you're being so awkward that's like a very normal that's like what we do here i feel like i ruined it take away a point i will but i'm not going to tell you who it's going away from well it better be from mark or i'll fucking find you

i know where you live so it'll be really easy to find you it would not be hard for you to find me that's true unless you live in howl's moving castle i'm pretty sure i remember Mark, what's new with you?

Now that you've done your...

Bob, you've had your small talk, right?

All right, I go again.

No, yeah, let's focus on Mark.

You're right, you're right, you're right.

What's to do with you, buddy?

People are going to criticize me.

This is very privileged of me to say, and I will always, I will, I will admit it full on.

I did something I said I wouldn't do, and you guys called it.

Go on.

What do we call, Mark?

You know that graphics card?

Yeah.

The $10,000.

Uh-huh.

Well,

I bought it.

Did we call that that was going to happen?

All right.

Yeah, you did.

I didn't buy it for the $10,000.

I bought it for not any better.

$8,000.

I bought it for $12,000.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, that's 20% off.

Yeah, it's less, but it's still egregious, right?

And everyone probably is balking, like, oh my God, I can't even fathom this.

But the thing is, like, it's, it's for work, right?

So I'm doing way more 3D VFX than I ever thought I would do.

And right now I'm working on a scene that's like, there's a lot of physical simulation, but there's also a lot of like, there's no real excuse, but this thing's fucking fast.

This thing fucking works.

This thing fucking trucks through the, oh my God.

It should for that price point, shouldn't it?

I've been on a Mac a lot lately.

I was even doing some of the Houdini stuff on a Mac because it's like, it was working.

But its GPU isn't really, its CPU is very good.

The GPU is like okay.

And you can't get an external GPU.

Mac doesn't allow that anymore with it.

So I switched back to Windows and I had, I have a 4090 in this computer.

I actually managed to figure out a way to get those very cheap, by the way.

I think I let people in on my little secret because I can't find any of the refurbished computers that I was harvesting for them anymore.

So I don't want to talk about my secrets too much here.

But the limitation between the 4090 and this graphics card is the VRAM, the video RAM.

There's four times as much in this new card.

It's not only faster, but it's four times as much.

And that allows you to work with larger textures,

larger like asset files, and the scene can be bigger without having to kick it over.

Anyway, it's a long story.

I did it.

Points were assigned accordingly.

I bought it.

And yes, it was an egregious amount of money.

But looking at it from a productivity standpoint and a work standpoint as a business expense, which it is, and I am going to take advantage of that as a business expense, I just got to say it fucking rips.

And I hate that it does because I want all the other graphics cards companies to win by NVIDIA.

And man, they're just fucking God.

It's just like, I wish it wasn't.

It's not just hype.

They actually are pretty good.

Yeah, and it's like, I hate it because they are charging such egregious prices for these cards because they know they can, because there just isn't.

And when you look at it from a work standpoint, it's like, holy fuck.

But also, I know that it's going to hold its value.

So down the road, I will sell it for whatever the next one is and roll into that.

You seem conflicted about this and you feel

ashamed or something.

Is it better or worse?

Linus Tech Tips recently released a video where

it was sponsored by AMD, but they ended up purchasing,

it's like an ASUS

Rogue Astral,

whatever.

It's a 5090, but it's made with 24-karat gold.

And it's a $10,000 graphics card, but it's only $10,000 because it's a regular high-end 5090 that has a bunch of gold on it for no reason.

It's just fancy.

And he bought that.

And then they did a video where they did a gold build around it.

And it turned out pretty cool.

And then they ended up giving it away to a fan on the street, which was really hilarious.

Is it better or worse that you bought one that's actually like meaningfully different performance-wise and you're using for actual projects, or that Linus bought one for a similar amount of money, put it into a gaudy gold computer build, and then gave it away just for content purposes.

Is that better or worse?

I think I'm better because the 5090 versus this card is actually different, even though they're of the same generation.

So that the card that I bought has three times as much VRAM as the 5090.

And the 5090 is not a very big jump from the 4090, but this one is.

They save the best for the productivity one.

I just want everyone to recognize that, like, I am a hypocrite.

I said I was not going to.

I said there was no way.

I don't need that.

Back when you said that, I could see it on your face that you were already like, I don't need that.

I don't.

I don't.

I don't need that.

I don't.

I don't.

I just don't.

I don't need that.

I don't need it.

But I got to say, man, if you are doing the 3D work, like it's just, it's not fair.

It's not fair.

The landscape is not.

This is why I don't want Intel to die, even though they seem to be doing everything possible to die.

Like everything, every time I see an article about Intel, it's like they're trying to explode as a company.

But it's just like, man, there's got to be more competition.

There has to be.

It's just so unfair.

Oh,

oh, fucking goddamn it.

It's been called and declared.

Please don't take away the GPU that I bought.

Please don't take it away.

So

if it's all heads, Mark has to buy another one.

If it's all tails,

Mark has to cut it in half and send half to Wade and me.

Wade, those are both bad for me.

Unfair has been declared.

I don't think I know it works.

We don't have to decide before we flip.

We just have to flip and see if we have to decide.

Okay,

all right.

Tails.

Eds.

Okay.

Well, there goes the coin for the day.

It's such a jump scare.

Yeah, that one might have been really bad for you, man.

Yikes.

Man, I've been writing down some points.

Guys, they're going to come get me.

Who?

Why?

Where are you going?

The water peep.

Look, I talked about this,

I think, in the last episode, but I recently have been working on our hot tub.

And an issue that I can't get a clear answer on, which I find really confusing, is you're supposed to drain the hot tub, right?

It's not built into the ground.

It's just in a thing that sits on the ground full of water.

And the water needs to go somewhere, right?

And I sort of, I didn't, without looking into it, I was like, I guess you just run a hose like from the hot tub, like over to the sewer train, I guess.

Because we don't have like drains that go back to the ocean or anything.

They go to water treatment, I think.

I don't know.

And I ended up looking into it and I can't get a fucking clear answer.

So I don't know if I did the right thing or not.

I neutralized the chemicals because hot tubs still have like chlorine in them and stuff.

Neutralized the chemicals and balanced the water back out.

So it was, it should just be normal water.

And then I just, I was like, I don't know if I put it in the sewer or my yard.

I ended up just draining it into my own yard because we have a big side yard and the grass is all fine.

No, the grass didn't all die or anything crazy.

If there are going to be rules about shit, which I'm totally on board with, someone needs to have an answer as to what the actual rule is.

I know that this is a problem because of the structure of our government as a country and in state and local governments and blah, blah, blah, blah.

But like fucking, all I wanted to do is drain the water out of this thing and it's just water.

Like I wouldn't recommend it, but it was drinkable water filled with, you know, human dead skin cells or whatever goes in hot tubs.

Gross, but like non-toxic.

I could, I still don't know if I did the right thing.

How hard is it to fucking have a thing?

Where it's like, yes, you may drain hot tub water into your own yard, or no, we recommend you do that.

Nobody, and all the answers on the internet are like, well, you probably, even the government, even like my county government website was like, well,

if you live in certain parts of the county,

you could probably probably put it in your storm drain, but make sure the cops don't see you doing it.

The government website?

Don't let the cops see you.

Like, I swear to God, I figured I would go to, like, my local city government website, or I'd go to the county or the state.

Nobody knows.

They all have different answers.

And it's not...

I didn't hurt anything, I don't think.

Sell it.

No, I don't want to sell it.

We just got it last year.

No, not the hot tub, the water.

Sell the water?

Yeah, isn't gamer water still a thing people want?

You guys want some podcaster ass juice?

I got podcaster ass juice.

The main part of me that goes in it is my ass because it's a hot tub, so you're sort of chesting down, right?

All three of our asses had been in that water.

I wish the coin was still in play, so I could call that on your words.

Good lord.

I could sell a bottle and sell market buyers' ass juice.

Why is it mine?

Why is it mine?

We did that episode.

We were in that hot tub.

I feel like it would have diluted at this point.

Lots of stuff diluted into that ass juice, but there is undeniably some

tiny fraction of a percent of Markiplier's ass juice in that water.

That's now my I have Markiplier's ass yard.

Maybe I should market my yard as a place people can come sniff.

You haven't cycled it at all since then?

Not rainwater came in.

It's covered.

It's covered.

Rainwater doesn't get into hot tubs because it would unbalance the chemicals because it's only like four or five hundred gallons of water.

We haven't haven't been using it, right?

I haven't cleaned it since we did that, but also we sort of stopped using it because it was like, oh, I need to clean it.

It's the middle of winter.

But yeah, no, I leaked a bunch of Mark Plier's ass juice all over my yard, I guess.

And I don't know if it was legal.

I hope it was legal.

I think that's one of the things about

being a grown-up now that we're all grown-ups and we have all these sorts of things in our lives that we have to like do and take care of.

I wish there was an answer sometimes, man.

How much fucking...

Oh, just you wait.

Now you're going to get a million answers now.

They're all going to be different.

No, yeah, no, well, yeah, that's the other part of it.

But like, how much would I give if something happened to the house and it was like, oh, the water heater broke.

What should I do?

And there was a place I could go that would be like, oh, you should probably do this.

Here's an answer.

Instead of the internet, where it's like, you should do this.

Never do that.

Only do this.

You're evil if you do that.

Even if I Google it.

Oh, wait.

Yeah, I want to ask you guys this.

And I want to throw this out to the watch listeners.

Is there anything you can use that's not Google for search engines?

Like, and I'm aware there's like, there are other ones.

Bing.

Bing is tough.

Bing doesn't work very well.

And I know there's like DuckDuckGo.

Wolfram Alpha is kind of a kind of search engine, but it's not really a search engine.

It does like, is there other stuff?

Does Ask Jeeves still exist?

It's Ask.com now, I think, right?

But I just googled Ask Jeeves.

Ask Jeeves, that's different.

Yeah, old Ask Jeeves.

But

is there anything anyone could recommend?

Because I'm so sick of.

You know what confuses me?

Like, I know Google right now is a gigantic company, but all these other search engines started at the same time.

How did Google go from all these other search engines being like, you know, middle, small companies to the towering monolith that exists to rule over all of it?

I don't understand where that jump happened because you see pictures of early Google and they got like 10 employees, then like 50 employees, then 100 employees, and then suddenly they have 40,000 employees.

They did a lot of breeding.

Oh, they're all in the family?

That's questionable.

I don't care for that at all.

I don't know why Google is the one that took, maybe because the name just caught on.

People like saying Google.

Like, now it's part of our vocabulary, but back then it was a new, unique word.

Anyway, just if anyone has anything, I have looked and I'm aware of the most obvious answers, but if you've got a really good dark horse search engine that you use or something that you do to like, and yes, I know you can just type minus AI into Google and it will generally.

I just, I would love, I would love if there's a secret out there I'm unaware of.

It's all I want to know.

Not that it's a competition, but this podcast usually is.

And Bob, you are definitely winning right now.

Hell yeah.

Actually, it is a competition.

So you can't say it's not.

Thank you for listening.

I think you deserve some kind of point for that.

Uh-huh.

Something is getting written down, that's for sure.

I don't think you quite crushed it there, bud.

Ah, ah, eh, ah, ah, ah.

Yep, you're almost there.

What if I go from this end?

Ow!

Ow.

Ow, it's cutting my hand.

That has to be worth a lot of points, right?

I don't know what I'm doing with my life.

I'm watching.

You just keep swimming with Small Talk.

Nice segue.

I've also distracted because the reason I'm talking about it is because someone is remoting into this computer that's next to me, and I'm watching a mouse go by and a timeline go like

over in this side.

And then I'm talking with them at the same time as they're asking, like, Where's this file?

Where's this file?

Dana's remote desktop, right over there, working on one of my videos.

You don't see me being distracted.

Oh, yeah.

I'm the only one who doesn't have someone remote desktopping into their space right now.

What the fuck am I doing?

That's why I have a second computer in my office so she can remote desktop.

I didn't realize I was living in 1983.

Damn.

We've been using we've been doing that for pretty much the last nine or ten years.

Like, since we've been working together, she's been remote desktopping since.

That's why I have the whole Synology set up so all my files go there and she can access it and edit.

Yeah.

You know, you could have her have a Synology too and you could sync so she could move.

Don't know how that works.

You don't know how it works.

You don't know how what you have works, so that's not surprising to me.

Listen, man, I find a way where things work and then I don't touch it.

Until it stops working, then I beg you guys for help.

You know what?

I would make fun of you, but it's worked this far.

Somehow I'm 13 years into a career without knowing a thing about what I'm doing.

I'm surprised you can even get your computer turned back on when it accidentally shuts itself down.

There are days where I don't know it.

It gets real stingy.

All due respect, host man.

No respect at all, host man.

That's reflected in your points.

Thank you.

Thank you.

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We've all got things in life we love to do right: mushing it, squishing it, pushing it.

Books.

I like books.

Wade likes books.

Vegaim.

What?

Vegaim?

Say that again.

High Vegaim.

Huh?

Play a vague game.

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Wade sit.

Sit.

Vague guy.

All right.

Now it's time for the game.

We're going to do something.

Only done once before by me the last time I hosted.

It's Monkey's Paw 2.

Oh boy, oh boy.

I still had half of my list left, and I liked my list, so we're gonna go through it.

Do I get to win this one because I won the first Monkey's Paw one?

Sure.

I mean, right now it looks like you might.

All right.

Well, unfortunately, this is the only other time I get to use this coin today because somebody went off prematurely with the unfair.

But now we can say unfair whenever we want.

Don't get too comfortable, or we're going to ruin it for the next few episodes.

Fun, fair, bunfair.

Yeah, we can't.

It'll be like Boy Who Cried Unfair, and we'll get used to it.

You know what, Mark?

I'm feeling for you, looking at the points a little bit.

Do you want to be heads or tails?

It doesn't matter what I pick.

It's still the same chance.

How is this?

Mark, he's giving you a choice.

He's giving you agency.

I want to be the one it lands on.

The one it lands opposite.

So it's the ones that's up.

Fuck.

When it lands, the one up.

Bob, do you want to be heads or tails?

I think tails.

All right, thanks, man.

Ow, my ears.

It's heads.

Mark got his wish.

Hey, Mark, you were the one that it would have landed up and not down on, but up was you.

You got it.

You got what you wanted, Mark.

You get to go first.

Woo!

Most convoluted answer to hands or tales.

I want to be the victor, but I want to be the opposite of the victors.

That way, when the victor is flipped, I am actually the victor.

You guys want to see the most unhinged snack in the world?

I am currently dipping kettle chips, like regular salted potato chips, into strawberry cream cheese.

Wait, Amy just got strawberry cream cheese just recently.

I bet that would be delicious.

If you like a sweet and salty, it's a pretty good mix of things.

Oh, right.

All right, Mark.

You land your dream job, but you never get to stop doing it.

There's no retiring.

There's no stopping ever.

Never an end in sight.

This is my life as it is.

What are you talking about?

This is literally what I do every day.

But you can't get bored and switch to something new once you...

This is it.

Okay, so

what I do right now is is like okay let's say making movies or whatever it's like making entertainment that's a lot of different disciplines involved in it that's why i constantly come out of like i bought a graphics card boohoo you know i i built a render farm boohoo you know glower salts boohoo you know lenses boohoo does that count of like having a job that requires a bunch of skills i mean technically it's your job so i can't argue it but you can never stop this is easy i don't want to stop i want to slide into my grave i don't think he's going to stop Yeah, slide into my grave wishing I could do more.

The only time you're ever going to get tuness honest is when Mark finds out he has almost exactly one year to live.

And at the end of the year, Mark dies.

All right.

That's the channel.

That's not bad.

Let's keep that one locked and loaded for when you get that news from the doctor.

And then.

No retirement.

You work till you die.

Bob, you taking it?

Can my job be being painfully wealthy and handsome?

I don't think so.

And I can never stop?

Does it have to be a job I can currently do, or can it be whatever I so choose?

Because I think I have a dream job that would be pretty fun to do for the rest of my life, but.

It involves having to work.

I mean, this is our job.

What does that mean?

Like, I know what hard work is.

I would probably

not take that.

No?

Does this just does not taking it mean that I never get to do my dream job in any form or fashion?

I think it's just not guaranteed.

I think this is like you get whatever the dream job is, you get it.

Like, it doesn't, if you don't, like, you still could get there, I guess.

But, like, because if I'm being 100% honest, if I did take it, I don't even know for sure what the dream job would be.

Like, obviously, right now, what we're doing and what has shaken out with being on the internet and doing YouTube and streaming and stuff has been pretty awesome.

But there was basically no point up until I started doing this when I like finished law school and I was like, all right, I'm going to do YouTube, I think, and see if it works.

Where there was no point where I was like, God, I hope I can make it work.

Oh, it's my dream job.

I don't know if I have it.

I think my dream is to not have a job.

I think I'd like to do lots of other stuff with like family and travel and, you know, things that aren't generally considered jobs mostly.

So I don't know if I, I don't even know what it would be if I was, if I snapped my fingers and that was my reality.

I'm not sure I have a set dream job.

That is kind of funny to think about because I'm in a similar boat.

So it's like, if that were to snap, would I still be in this?

Or would there be something different?

Like, what would it be?

There's definitely nothing I could imagine doing that would be more fun than this is.

Yeah.

But like, that's a tough competition because we just get to come and record these things and kind of goof off and hang out for a few hours a week.

It's pretty fun.

What if we just got to rollerblade around and eat steak?

Like, what if that became our job?

Wait, what?

Wait, what the fuck?

What's the job title for that?

Steak skater?

Roller staker.

I feel like I would get bored of rollerblading.

I wouldn't get bored of the stake, but the rollerblading, I feel like, might get a little old.

Bomb, we can stay with you.

You become the most attractive version of yourself you could hope for, but mirrors, photos, and videos always capture the worst version of you.

Oh, I don't fucking care.

I already hate the way I look in most

mirrors, photos, and videos.

So how much worse could it be?

I think the flip side of that is I got low.

I got low hopes for how much more attractive I could be.

I don't know what's possible, but I'm not a dreamer, you you know?

I'm a real downer this episode, guys.

Sorry about that.

I'd probably take this.

I'd probably take this, but just because, like, if you've watched, if you're a watcher, you know, I'm not that concerned about how I look already.

Fine.

I don't look good in pictures.

I'll survive.

I feel like what would happen is you would instantly Johnny Bravo.

Like, just your shoulders would go

and you would just like pronounce chin, hair goes up.

It's literally, yeah, just the handsome squidward.

It's just that filter.

But what does that do to the rest of the body?

Would I I get skinny or would I still be?

I feel like Johnny Bravo.

Like you're a tube of toothpaste and you get squeezed in the middle and they're like, muscles up.

And then it takes from all the lower bodies.

Your legs are like this.

But really big feet.

Normal legs.

Huge feet.

Huge feet.

Yeah, that's fine.

That sounds all right.

Take that.

All right, Mark.

All right.

So I think the most ideal version of myself is if my mom actually fed me as a baby.

I feel like that's the reason.

Maybe I'd be a little taller.

My mom openly admits that she.

Was there just like a bottle of milk that would drip one drip every few hours?

You're like clinging to life.

I can't say that my childhood choices in nutrition were any better because anytime I had the chance, it was straight those yard pixie sticks.

So I can't say it was only my parents doing.

I think I also contributed to my lack of nutrition.

And I'm not saying I'm short, but I feel like I could have been taller.

I feel like I could have been just a little taller.

So you were deprived of a whole foot of nutrition.

A whole foot of nutrition.

Dude, that's such a marketing opportunity.

Instead of fruit by the foot, they could pack it full of vitamins and just call it you by the foot.

Man, I got to tell you, there are some crazy good protein-based foods coming out.

I'm so happy we're getting out of the fat-free era of things and getting into the protein-heavy snacks and foods.

I've been having these protein waffles every morning, almost every morning.

They're probably the best waffles I've ever had.

And compared to the eggo waffles I was eating when I was a kid, like those had no protein.

You like a good meat waffle?

Basically, it's got each waffle has like 10 grams of protein in it.

You know, it's not like no sugar or nothing, but it's crazy.

It's crazy how much protein is in there.

Or maybe, I don't know, I might be lying.

But if I'd had that as a kid, you know, maybe, maybe a bit more nutrition.

Anyway, sidebar.

I don't think I would take this one because my entire existence kind of is, and especially my dream job is about being videoed.

And

as much as I would love to say, like, it's not about the aesthetics.

it's not about you know, looks or something like that.

If I was a horrible, hideous monster, I can't say I would be as far as I am

now.

I gotta say, I can't take that deal.

Some people on the internet are vain, and they judge people by their looks.

Not many, it's a lot, it's a lot.

Let's be honest.

It's most of the internet.

We know you're out there.

It's why we keep Mark around.

He's the hot one.

Thanks, you.

Eddie has good mannerisms.

Mark, you get to accomplish everything you wanted to in life, but you only get to live another 10 years.

Dumb deal.

I don't know if you could accomplish all the things that I assume you aspire to in life in a decade.

I'm not looking for the accomplishing things part of this.

Guaranteed, no one I'm going to die.

You don't understand how motivating that would be.

You know how motivating it would be if I knew I would live exactly 10 years.

You know how much,

that's a long time.

10 years is a long time.

You know how much I would get done?

That Tunis Honest idea?

Oh, okay.

That would be something.

It's really just like, I could never accomplish everything I want to do anyway because I'm just one guy and no one can in their life.

But if I knew I had 10 years, oh, I would never waste a day.

I would probably waste a couple days, but I would, I would, oh, it would be.

Would you trust it?

Like, would you be like, I can go run in traffic knowing I can't die?

Like, would you maybe, maybe, if it's a guaranteed 10 years?

I feel like that's not part of it necessarily.

Is that part of it?

You're invulnerable for 10 years, but you die at 10 years.

Like, you could still die.

It's probably just like you will absolutely die in 10 years maximum.

You will have a traumatic brain aneurysm that is unrecoverable at exactly 10 years, and you will die.

No questions asked.

Isn't that one of the fastest ways to go, though?

Or maybe not.

I don't know.

I believe if you have the correct kind of completely catastrophic aneurysm, that's one of the one of them more like instantaneous ways you can go, but I don't know that for sure.

I might be making that up.

I make a lot of stuff up.

I'm like Chat GPT.

I just guess.

Just sound confident.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

That's like the, that's like the best way to die.

That's like the most painless.

A lot of people say that's a great way to die.

The best way.

I hear drowning.

It's like falling asleep.

You know, you're just going to, you know, sleepy under the ocean.

Plus, you get to hang, you get to talk to the fish while you're down there.

And they know some, they see some shit, you know?

I mean,

everyone's got to die some way.

So honestly, like knowing, I feel like knowing would be super motivating.

But then again, I think differently about death than a lot of people do.

I think that's tough because I do agree that having that would be really motivating in a way that I think is very easy to take for granted.

And you get to accomplish everything.

I'm less interested, honestly, in the accomplishing everything.

Like,

I very much get the idea of like,

I know when I will die.

So I know how much time I have.

So I know I need to make all of this count.

It's so easy on a day-to-day basis to just be like, I'll just do it tomorrow.

Or like, nah, I don't feel like it or whatever.

Like, I fall into that trap with a lot of stuff.

And it makes me feel, that's probably one of my biggest personal struggles is like, I feel like garbage a lot of the time because I'm, I fall into the procrastination trap.

And then I'll be like laying awake at three in the morning, like, oh, why didn't I do that?

Oh, I don't deserve.

I'm terrible.

And it's like a self pattern of self you know loathing about like i should just do these things but in the moment if you are sore or tired or you just did a bunch of other shit and you're like i want to do this next thing if you have a timeline and you know i feel like that would completely change my outlook on life and help with that because i don't feel good about how much i procrastinate don't you feel like that last day or week or month or something would just be really fucking tough my my ultimate answer would still be i don't think i would take this this one mainly because I think my top priority is meaningful time spent with people and like mainly family, hopefully mainly James as he grows up and that, but like everyone, friends, even people I don't really know, time spent like live on stream, time spent talking to chat, time spent connecting with people, I feel like is kind of the only way you get to impact the world beyond your lifetime.

Unless you're like a genius and you invent something, I'm not that kind of smart.

I'm not going to invent the next thing that saves a bunch of lives or changes the world.

But I do feel like I want as much good time as I can have to connect with people and hopefully impact people positively.

Even in my own head right now, I'm like, oh, that's so hypocritical.

You're such a lazy sack.

But having the timeline would help with the procrastination.

But I do think that's my priority.

I think I'd pass because if I could have 30 more years and maybe I have some regrets that I don't accomplish things, but I get to live my priorities and I get to have that time with people.

I think I would rather have that.

It'd be nice if if I could figure out how to live with a little more urgency, but I think I'm not the only one who struggles with that, I'm sure.

I'm a terrible procrastinator.

And the worst thing was it was reinforced in school because like I would write a paper the night before and get a much better grade than a paper I wrote a week before.

I remember AP English.

I spent like a long time, put a lot of effort, redid, like went through, reread it, proofread, whatever, this paper, and I got like a C minus.

And I was like, dude, I'm an A student.

If I'm going to be getting C's by putting this much effort in, I might as well just fail.

I'm not going to put that much work in to get a C.

And then I started procrastinating, ended up with an A in the class.

And it was like, I'm reinforcing my bad behavior.

Lesson learned.

I've always felt like I work better under a crunch.

It's so motivating because I know a lot of people don't think about dying because they're like, I don't want to think that's scary.

They don't think about it.

But everyone is going to die.

Everything that's ever lived has died.

And it's like, if you know,

you're not just going to spend 10 years going like, ah, ah, ah, ah,

one day down.

I don't think that anyone would do that, you know?

Everyone who's ever lived has died and they're doing fine.

Because, I mean, like, okay, when people get us, let's say, a cancer diagnosis, that's devastating.

And it's bad because you don't get, you have a clock on your life for the most part.

Treatments have gotten better, but you have a clock, a countdown suddenly.

And those years going into that are not going to be great because you've got treatments and chemotherapy and and all this stuff.

Like, I'm sure we've all seen someone in our lives or gone through it themselves, people out there.

But if you had 10 good years, 10 good, solid years where you could do anything, you could do it to the best of your ability.

I feel like it would be very motivating.

I agree.

That last day would be wild.

Like, if you knew it was coming, if you got a diagnosis or something, you knew it was coming that last day.

But like, if you're just healthy and walking around and you know today is the day you're supposed to die, how scary would that actually be?

Where you're like, what if it's, what if it's painless, though?

What if you just, you're just standing there and you're like, all right, 10 seconds, everybody.

I love you all.

And then you just get sucked straight down to hell.

I assume.

I assume.

I assume.

Because it says this is some kind of deal with the devil nonsense with the monkey's paw, right?

So there's, I assume.

A monkey's paw claws up, just grabs your leg and yanks you down.

You're just sitting in your living room with all your friend and loved ones.

It's the candles lit.

You know, they're all like boo-hoo, but also, oh, this is so nice.

We get to say goodbye.

It would be a painless, it would be a painless transition to eternal damnation and suffering.

There's no pain!

Oh, there's no pain!

Bob, you can swap bodies and lives with people, but you can never go back once you swap.

You can go forward, you can never go back.

There's actually a movie about this.

Do you get to pick with whom you're swapping?

Yeah.

And do you leave them in your previous body?

So you're just shifting a bunch of people out of their bodies.

It's unclear what happens to them.

Oh, that would be really interesting.

Can you use this to effectively become immortal?

What is your judgment on that?

Because if you keep swapping into younger and younger bodies, could you basically just live forever?

I would say no.

I think you eventually...

I don't know.

It doesn't, there's not really a clear indicator.

I didn't think about that.

So there's not really a clear indicator on it.

Because if it's like you die when your body dies, your consciousness just goes with it or something.

Definite hard pass.

If it's like a, you can be immortal, you can live an entire lifetime in a body and then just do a switch real quick right when you're, you know, you're getting older and you're like, all right, new lifetime and start and go to some newborn infant thing and switch bodies into a...

like could if you could do that i would say it's unclear you know you don't die when your body dies but like you might still just get a one normal lifespan.

It's hard to say.

I think the biggest consideration on this for me, if I'm applying it to real-world situations and not just thinking about myself in a bubble, I don't think I could do that to other people.

I think the biggest problem I have with that is I couldn't, I would not be able to use that power because if you're doing it to a newborn, I mean you're swapping a newborn's consciousness into the body of a whatever 70-something year-old.

Oh, you're saying if you, yeah, okay.

Or, or you're swapping someone who's an adult who has an entire lifetime of experiences into another body against their will.

Like, there's no version of the

practical side of that that I feel like I could live with.

I couldn't do it.

It's fascinating, though.

And I would really want to potentially, especially if you could, like, live a bunch of lifetimes and keep, you know, finding new babies to start over in or whatever.

Like, it sounds weird, but like...

Do you kick

their soul out of the, you know, that stupid baby?

Get out of here.

Does it go down to hell the same way?

it's painless it's painless mark you're a sadomasochist probably not would you take this deal all right so it's it's basically just there was an x-men movie where the guy the guy was i i didn't really understand it but he was able to hop bodies and also keep the mutant powers their definition of mutant really stretched towards some of those movies like mutant is a genetic like tweak i don't know how you jump a body and carry the genetic tweak anyway wasn't that kind of the thing that he was jumped bodies and took over and got their mutant powers at the same time, right?

I'm honestly completely unfamiliar with that, but that sounds like a thing.

I believe you.

I believe you.

You can swap bodies with people and lives, but you can never go back once you make the swap.

Okay.

I don't know, man.

I guess if it would depend.

Okay, if I wanted to keep doing what I'm doing right now, then no.

But if I wanted to be

like an egomaniacal, take over the world slowly and surely, chuck bodies out like they're trash.

Do they remember what happens when you jump a body?

What happens to the old body?

Do they just like, oh, that was weird?

You swap.

So whoever was.

Oh,

interesting.

So you leave a trail of what the fuck behind?

Yeah, it would be pretty hard, I think, if you're doing that with conscious adult people to

not have someone talk about what you're doing.

Unless you leave yourself like tied up somewhere, like Soma style.

Oh, oh, why am I here?

Yeah, do you do you have to touch them to swap bodies?

Do you have to...

Nope, you just choose to swap.

But you can never go back.

Yeah, sure.

Why not?

You know what?

It's such, it's such an interesting thing.

I feel like it would lead down this road where eventually you would not be able to bear the weight of your existence and the

pain you would have inflicted because nobody else could go back.

Could you do it with animals?

Not it.

Body swap.

But you know what I mean.

Yes.

First, you got to body swap into an animal, and then it's fine.

But if you do it before, no, no, no, no.

Yeah, then you can do it with animals.

That's allowed.

Oh, man.

It'd be like your

third-eyed, three-eyed raven types abilities from Game of Thrones, but you just actually become the animal.

Be really weird with the animals in a human body with a human brain.

Yeah.

I don't know if I want that part of it.

You can add that part, but I'm taking the deal, but I don't think I'm going to do that.

Oh, Mark, you're going to love this one.

You can breathe underwater and even in space, but you become and stay intensely afraid of both places.

All right.

So Mark can breathe underwater.

Yeah, I'll take it.

Yeah,

there's no difference.

I mean, I think it means like you would never even want to go into space as an astronaut.

You'd be afraid of swimming in pools and stuff.

Maybe even.

Look, I'm fine with the idea of being able to breathe in space.

This is more of a disaster relief kind of thing because if I'm ever in the ocean, it's against my will.

So if I'm in the ocean, though, like I've dropped in the middle of it, at least I could breathe, right?

I think the thing that gets me, though, is like, if you're intensely afraid of being underwater, it means like even something like swimming or a pool or a lake, like all of those things become like immensely terrifying.

It's all the same already.

Same.

Same.

Okay.

There's no difference, man.

I get in a pool.

I get in a swimming pool, and I'm afraid there's a shark in it.

I'll get the random thought.

I'm like, I gotta get to the edge.

I gotta go.

It's here.

It teleported in.

Well, with the body swapping, it could.

I think I would pass on this one just because I would assume to exist in space, the issue of radiation, vacuum.

other things that are apart from breathing still posed.

You still basically need a spacesuit.

And same with underwater, right?

You still get hypothermia.

You still would be crushed if you try and swim down into the Marianas Trench.

Like there,

unless it's just a magical shield where you can breathe, and also you're fine.

Otherwise, damn the rules of physics.

I'm not, I'm good.

I'll pass on that one, I think.

The disaster relief, I like, like the thought of like if something goes horribly wrong, being able to breathe in both places would be nice.

But I really enjoyed boat and water and being immensely afraid of it.

I wouldn't want that.

I love boat.

I love boat.

It's also like people might be like, oh, but Mark, you love space.

It's like, yeah, yeah, sure.

But I'm okay with the idea of never going there.

I would hate, just as much as I hate the ocean, to suddenly be adrift in the middle of space.

Like, the space part of it isn't what I really like.

I like the space shark.

Can you imagine?

But it's like, yeah, it is completely inimicable to life.

Inimable.

Inimicable.

Inimicable.

Inimical.

Inimicable.

Inimicable is actually the word.

That doesn't sound like a word at all.

Inimical.

Being adverse often by reason of hostility or malevolence, reflecting or indicating hostility.

Inimical.

Inimical.

I-N-I-M-I-C-A-L.

Inimical.

Inimical.

It's one of those words where I've only ever read it, so I've never said it out loud.

But, yeah.

It's similar.

It's opposite of amicable.

Plus, you can use it in everyday life.

Hey, you grab me a beer from the fridge.

I'm busy.

I'll do it in a mickel.

Don't hold that in.

I see that laugh.

This is why you're going to win the episode, I bet.

Not me pandering to Wade with Wade humor.

It works.

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All right, let's try to do one more, I think.

Bob, you can fly, but you lose the ability to walk.

Give me some explanation.

Is this Superman-type flight where I could sort of just fly and hover?

Do I don't have like wings or something?

This isn't mechanically based, is it?

You can just fly.

You don't have to have wings or anything like that.

You can just kind of fly around.

If I can fly an inch off the ground and just sort of let my apparently useless legs dangle, also, I'm going to go ahead and assume that flying transfers into water pretty effectively.

So I'm not just going to drown.

If I touch water, I can still kind of fly through water because air is just a liquid.

So if you could fly in air, you could fly in water, probably.

Air is air is a fluid.

It's not liquid, you know.

Whatever.

Air is just a fluid.

Water is just a fluid.

Fluids are all just liquids.

Don't tell me about physics.

Jell-O is also probably a fluid.

You can fly through Jell-O.

It is.

Anyway, I think I would probably take flying.

I think I would, assuming then, that I'm just like, like I just hover around.

I don't walk anymore, but I can still just exist as if I'm walking by flying instead of walking.

I feel like I would take that.

I'm assuming I would need to build up my endurance with flying, but as long as I'm not like flapping huge, ridiculous wings or some nonsense and I can fly indoors and it's not a problem, definitely fly.

The wish, as you see it, is you can fly, but you lose the ability to walk.

Do my legs just not work?

You can't walk with them.

But can I make the motion of walking with them?

Like I'm off the ground a millimeter, but I'm fooling everyone because I'm doing this and I go clomp, stomp, clomp, clomp, stomp, clomp, clomp, clomp.

Sure, man.

Then I can hide it by floating off the ground and making the the noises of walking.

No one would ever be the wiser.

No one would ever know.

I guess unless you had like mag boots put on or something and you were like forced to walk, then they would know you were faking it because you could no longer do it.

Would you take it then, Mark?

You're taking it?

Yeah, of course.

Yeah, man.

I don't care about walking that much.

Plus, I could run.

So I guess there's like that.

You're running and you're like, I better slow down.

And the magical powers of your body are just like, oh, oh, oh, that's walking.

That crumble.

I think walking and running are tied together.

Oh, no, no, no.

You got to walk before you run.

You can't tiptoe.

You can't walk.

You can't run.

I can't.

Oh, man.

What about crawling?

Could I crawl?

Not if you're using your legs.

How narrow are we going?

What about moonwalking?

Can I moonwalk?

If I'm flying, can I handstand,

you know, but also assist myself as I'm handstanding?

You can use your arms, I guess.

Yeah, but not your legs.

Can I swim through the air like

frog kicking?

If your arms are that strong, swimming would be tough.

Unless you can fly in water, which I feel like is arguable.

That's what he said.

He said, because fluid, but you know, I wouldn't need to, I wouldn't want to do that anyway.

All right, don't mind me.

Just

I feel like we had several episodes making some kind of constitutional type device for the explicit purpose of eliminating coin flips as...

No.

No, I don't think we ever eliminated coin flips.

I thought the point was to eliminate random chance as a victory condition.

No.

Because we had all the wheel spins and we were like, yeah, you need to keep track of points.

He's doing the points because he's like, you know,

if we match, if we agreed or not agreed, that's what he did last time.

If he wasn't a coward, he could just pick whichever one he wanted for each one, and that could be the correct answer.

I would not insult him.

I'm not insulting him.

I am not insulting you, Wade.

Thank you.

I didn't insult him.

I said if he wasn't a coward, he could do that.

I have a counterpoint.

Oh, yeah.

I guess I should be going like this.

Oh, no.

I should not do this towards myself.

I want to throw this out there.

What the fuck?

Why do you have a knife?

Oh, hi, Wade.

You missed out on a lot.

I clearly did.

You're in a knife fight right now.

Well, don't worry.

It won't matter because I'm the only one who matters here as the host.

Editors, put Wade between us.

My left, Mark's right.

Don't do it.

There's points on the line.

You wouldn't.

You shouldn't.

Wade, are we stabbing the crate?

Should I stab this way?

Everywhere.

In all directions.

Get him.

It's all me.

Always has been.

I'm cutting myself out of this podcast.

I'm going to Guam, bunk.

Hi, Guam.

I'm just in my office.

I didn't go to Guam.

Thought you guys could get away.

You guys only agreed on one.

You disagreed on the first five and then both said yes on the last one.

Oh, Bob, you got points.

Four.

You will find me.

We called it.

Mark spent money on big graphics card.

Hot tub water.

Linus tech tips.

Ass juice.

Paying attention.

Dude.

Didn't taunt me.

Wait, did he get the point from me buying the graphics card?

Because I called it.

Your words exactly, Mark, were you guys were right.

You called it.

So I also got a point for that.

Fair is fair.

Beer incommicable or whatever the fuck your joke was.

I'll grab you a beer in amicable.

You also got two points from the coin flips for numbers one and three.

That's not very many.

It's not.

Mark, you got points for I boo-boo.

Premature unfair.

Only 8k.

Red Bull head smashing.

Inamicable.

Imicable.

Inimicable.

Amicable.

So far from.

Yeah, there was a lot of points in the middle that went to Bob.

And you got three points for coin flips.

leaving Bob at 10 and Mark at eight.

Oh no, okay, all right.

I thought it was way, I thought it was gonna have like four points and then popped.

Okay, all right, I'll take it.

No, that's the way the cookie crumbled.

Uh, viewers lost a point for Mark ruining it.

Viewers and listeners also gained a point for Mark being a hypocrite.

Oh, sure.

So, right now, it's uh, me one, listeners, one,

viewers, zero, mark eight, Bob ten.

How many bonus points should we have let's find out

oh oh i have a chance to get it a tie you do i believe in you mark i'm channeling my luck i'm channeling it wade what are we adding to the wheel can we just add one that the host wins I mean, if we all agree on it, yeah, I don't know.

I think that's pretty funny.

We have enough on here now that I think that's pretty funny.

Because there's no other real way for the host to win anymore because we've kind of changed the rules.

So this would be all way.

A one in 60 chance of the host winning, I feel like, is

all right.

It's not the worst idea.

Yeah, you know what?

Why not?

Why not?

Because we got golf rules on there, which could make a host win.

The host would have to have a point to be on the board for the golf rules, whereas this would just be the host wins.

But yeah.

What if it's two spins and the spins are Wade gets one half point and then golf rules?

Golf rules would be terrible today because right now the viewers are on the board with zero.

All right.

Well, two spins, yeah?

Yeah.

Spin number one.

What happens if the first spin is that Wade wins?

Do we do the second spin?

I don't know, I guess.

I didn't think about that.

Monkey's paw curls.

What does that mean?

Didn't we just add that?

I think we just, no points are assigned, but something terrible happened somewhere, probably.

What was this?

It was all it was from the last monkey's paw episode, obviously.

I think it means nothing happens, but we were putting it in the universe that the monkey's paw was curly something terrible is gonna happen does that mean host wins is coming up next probably

we were one off of surprise golf rules by the way

worst luck i feel like this episode i

you know technically on the coin flips bob only won two while mark won three um let's see

you um taunted me you gave us points for you calling it.

You prematurely called unfair.

Is it worst luck or worst performance, Mark?

Because I think maybe your worst performance.

Wow.

All right, fine.

If there's a distinction to be made, I guess that would be the distinction.

You can call unfair, except for the fact you can't.

I can't because I

because you called unfair.

I know.

Yeah, I guess that is my, I guess I was my own worst enemy in this episode, so.

So, Bob, you get that point because you had the worst coin flip luck.

Well, it doesn't really affect anything, meaningfully, but okay.

That monkey's paw is gonna come back.

Guaranteed.

Might have already.

Look at me.

I'm burnt.

Sunburnt.

I'm not bald.

Not because of the bald.

I thought you were gonna drop dead or something.

I was look at me.

I'd be upset.

You know, I would be upset.

Oh, Mark, tell us how upset in your loser speech.

Ah!

This is gonna be me at your funeral if you die first.

Imagine someone actually reacting like that at a funeral.

People are crying, telling stories, some are laughing about stories, and you're just like,

we, we, we, we, we, we,

this is not my episode.

I feel like I've had such a commanding performance all year, all season, or whatever it is.

This episode, I was distracted.

I don't know what they're doing on this other computer over here, but they are going crazy.

He's not even paying attention during his own losers.

Not even paying attention right now.

They're.

What are you deleting?

God.

What are you deleting?

Okay, it's something they copied to a different folder.

What is this mark.movie file?

Let me get rid of that.

Mark, we have an idea.

What about Steel Spleen?

Forget what you've been doing.

Anyway, not my episode.

I feel like it was all my own fault.

Not even luck could be blamed.

That monkey paw, I feel like whatever happens in the universe is also my fault, and I should be blamed for that.

But I will hop bodies until no one will even know who I am anymore.

I think that might take one hop.

Yeah.

Bob, you have a winner's speech?

I don't really feel like I won this one.

I feel pretty off-kilter.

It was an interesting episode, and there were some interesting Monkey's Paw deals, but I mean, it feels surprising in a good way, I guess.

You know, you only said yes twice.

Nothing wrong with a little happy surprise.

Yeah, well, I was very cautious today.

I think last time we did Monkey's Paw, I took a lot of deals, but I was more thoughtful today, or scared, either one.

Whatever I did, it worked out because I won.

Good judges.

So I will never be able to interpret my notes from last time to know what in the hell happened.

No chance.

You can't interpret them after you just heard what happened and wrote them.

Time in between is just going to make it worse.

You're not wrong.

Alright, well, good episode, boys.

If you guys haven't already, go follow Market Markiplier.

He needs you.

He needs the support after buying that graphics card.

Bob at Mysker.

Me at Minion 77, or

Lird?

Or Lird Minion777.

Lird Minion Chiver Chipper Chippin.

The merch decree continues.

We have no website.

We may have merch.

We may not.

You'll find out.

Unless you don't.

Be careful what monkeys paw deals you take in the meantime.

Until next time, we're Bobblehostess.

Podcast out.

Your team.

Adjective.

Used to describe an individual whose spirit is unyielding, unconstrained.

One who navigates life on their own terms.

effortlessly.

They do not always show up on time, but when they arrive, you notice an individual confident in their contradictions.

They know the rules, but behave as if they do not exist.

New team.

The new fragrance by Mew Mew.

Defined by you.