Anything Goes (Part 2)

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Good evening, gentle listeners or watchers, and welcome to Destractable.

This episode, makeshift Mark kicks off, displays the new merch, then tells his horror story of consuming babies.

Weekend awade, refuses hospice cohabitation, clubs bowls, praises the bangles, and earned dick as an assistant.

Blameworthy Bob has a warm pond, a mute mind, and quotes a nana's meme.

From altered images to Californian philanthropy.

It's time for Anything Goes, Part 2.

Now sit back and prepare to be distracted and enjoy the show.

Hello and welcome to Distractable.

Oh, was it recording?

Now is it going?

All right, cool.

Hello and welcome to Distractable,

the podcast where you come for laughs, goofs, and maybe a few heartfelt boohoos every once in a while.

Have we ever made anyone cry in this episode?

God, I hope so.

God, I hope so.

Probably.

Well, I'm your host, Markiplier, the guy you know, the guy you love.

All the listeners, you know my voice.

All the viewers, you know my face.

You know my eyes.

They know your soul.

They know my soul.

And I know theirs.

Intimately.

What's wrong?

I like what he's got going on here.

A little indigestion, I think.

Oh, indigestion.

That's funny.

Boy, do I have a story about that?

All right, just steal my story, I guess.

Yeah, go for it.

Oh, I won't.

Not yet.

Not yet, guys.

Not yet.

Anyway,

how are you guys, my fellow hosts?

I can't look at that anymore.

Hi.

Oh, thank God.

I'm comforted.

I like when you make a lot of eye contact.

It makes me feel confident.

Good, good, good, good.

A lot of real, genuine, not at all disturbing eye contact.

Yep, yep, yep, indeed.

I'll edit out my yawn.

Double it or nothing.

Double my yawn.

All right, this is Distractible, the game show where I'm going to be hosting and subjecting these two to my whims.

Where's my point keeper?

Fuck.

Always letting you come prepared.

Fuck.

Hold on.

I didn't know I was going to be recording.

That's true.

To be completely fair to him, he had no idea he was about to have to be recording.

That's true.

Only about about an hour's heads up.

We were doing stuff.

What are you giving me a hard time for?

All right.

Yeah, fuck you, Mark.

Idiot.

Ha!

A little mean.

That's a little horribly cruel.

Yeah, he's hosting, man.

You should go easy on him.

Oh, you're right.

You're right.

I'm going to write some points here.

Grubbing out an address first, but then I'm going to

point

it some points.

You got points for 6817 Markiplier Drive.

Yes, I own my own road.

Keep telling you, man,

it's hard to stay inconspicuous when you live on a road that's named after your own self.

No, they would never assume.

They would never assume.

That's why I live on not Wade's Avenue.

It'd be like stupid in every conceivable way, but how funny would it be if you just,

even if it wasn't you, if someone was like, ah, God, I love Markiplier.

I'm going to rename one of the streets in my town to Markiplier Avenue.

And then just droves of people just show up and are like, Mark lives here, right?

Is this, which house is Mark's?

And all the poor idiots who live on that road.

I mean, it's not their fault, but fuck those guys.

Look, look, maybe back in the day, my fans would be rabid enough to do that, but they're real chill nowadays.

They're real chill nowadays.

I don't know.

I don't know.

Anywho, I got to write points for who insulted me?

Who insulted me?

Me.

Wade, Wade, did you insult me?

No, Bob insulted you.

I was...

I baited him into insulting you.

That's points, right?

Well, I'm deducting points.

Yeah, get him.

Who?

Hey.

Okay, that was agreement.

All right, Wade.

All right, minus one point to Wade.

All right.

Ben, I I can't believe how well that worked.

Ben.

I was trying reverse

follow.

Never mind.

Folla la la la la la la la.

I'm fine.

So I have some small talk, which many of you know and many people have had questions about, but I'll let you guys go first, just to bait the engagement, to drive up the viewership and the listenership, which is more valuable than the viewership, maybe.

Well, mine's meant to follow yours up, but you know what?

I'll lead off with it because it's your fault.

What the fuck?

You're not doing well, Wade.

You're not doing well.

Yeah, well, I'm going to get you even more.

So, uh, over the weekend, uh, Molly and I had a really, really wonderful lunch on Saturday.

We went out like to a park, had lunch, got some uh shaved ice, and uh, came home.

And uh, I decided to go upstairs and change into like some shorts because I love sitting in basketball shorts, get comfortable.

And I got upstairs and I got hit with like just the craziest nausea, uh, dizziness, vertigo spell I've had in a long time.

And uh, it's like, oh man, that sucks.

Sit down for a minute and shake that off.

It didn't go away.

It lasted six hours or something.

Damn.

And Molly's like, do you think you need to go to the ER, the hospital?

And my reasoning was, no, Mark's there.

People are going to say, I'm just copying him.

So if I die, it's this guy's fault.

He hasn't texted back, so he might still be there for all I know.

I can't be in the hospital same time as him.

That's his content.

Yeah, if anything bad had happened to me, it would have been your fault because I was like, I can't go copying mark and go to the hospital i'm deducting a copying point

okay yeah i get it i get it well okay wait no i shouldn't deduct you didn't copy but i'm gonna have this i'm gonna put this under a lie category this is a lie copy point deduct lying the deduction of a copy point this is i'm it would have been worth twice as much because i would have copied i would have done it i would have gladly done it well i mean if it lands on the if it lands on the spot in the wheel then this lie could either count as a point for you or doubly against you That's true.

All right.

That lie might go hard if you get lucky.

Yeah, I need to denote things that are lies.

All right.

Bob, before I get to my

hospital story.

Oh, you know,

I

really not that much.

I'm still sick.

I made James's life.

I had to clean the hot tub and it got really hot.

And so I was like, I emptied it, but then I didn't clean it.

But then I filled it back up and James loves it so now we don't have a hot tub we have the world's smallest pool because kids aren't supposed to go in hot tubs it's not good for them because they're tiny so we just keep it at like 90 degrees or whatever some like warm pool temperature it's the fucking it's the best thing he's ever experienced kid loves just going under the water falling down scaring his parents thinking he's gonna drown coming back up laughing about it you know kid stuff you made james alive that is true that's true in at least two ways.

You'd think that would be worth two points, but it's not.

You also might think that I would have done some other stuff since the last time we all talked and hung out, but I mean, I hit some golf balls.

Wade was there for that.

Yeah.

That was pretty fun.

Yeah,

I was good at it three times.

You did great, man.

You did really, you did really good.

Good.

Oddly enough, I was winning one round, and then I forgot to play.

Yeah, then it was right near the end, and you were like, I'm not going to do it anymore.

And then no one hit any more golf balls for a while.

I was very, very bad.

And I had one round where I was like, actually, I'm doing okay.

And then, yeah, we just kind of were like, what if we talked instead?

And we all forgot about the golf part.

It was fun.

It was a good time.

Yeah, that does happen.

Not to me.

I wasn't there.

I wasn't invited.

You live shit far away and also were in the hospital or whatever happened.

You don't know what happened.

Yeah, well, you won't tell us.

Yeah, we know that our texts would ignore it and you were like, oh, yeah, by the way, guys, sorry, I missed this.

I'm fine.

Like, days later.

Look, a lot of people texted me.

We both saw your Instagram post and we're like, oh, God, I hope he's okay.

A lot of people texted me.

Look.

People texted me.

They're like, is Mark okay?

I was like, I don't know.

He probably just needs content.

It's actually just a room you put together in your own house.

Just here.

I'm going to tell you about it.

But before I tell you about it, I got to show you guys something.

This is just for the viewers.

Oh.

Get the pixelation ready, editors.

Oh, wow.

I saw a picture of that, but I didn't know it existed.

Oh, it's flipped.

Man, why did I set all this up just to be able to do this?

Look, it's just not time right now.

That bid is going to totally pay off.

It's going to be so funny.

Sometime later, it's going to be time for that, and it's going to be hilarious.

Aha, yeah, okay, all right.

Meanwhile, people can see on the wider angle the absolute mess that my room is.

It's really not that bad.

This is the filter to look like Michael Jackson at the end of Thriller when he looks up and his eyes are all fucked up.

This is just that filter.

Look at this!

Oh my God, is this what you think it is?

Listeners, I would describe what I'm looking at to you, but I don't know if I'm allowed.

Yeah, you are.

Why wouldn't you be allowed?

All right, Bob, you got it.

I would describe what I'm looking at to you, but I don't know if I have the words to capture such immense, inconceivable beauty.

It's the triangle of fairness shirt, I believe.

I think it's also reversed in the camera, so I'm looking at it backwards.

We already said that.

That already was talked about.

Not live.

No, literally like 30 seconds ago, I said like, whoa, it's flipped.

I was talking about that.

I said that.

Wait, do you remember how I sat down and was like, man, why did I set all this up?

the immediate thing i said before that was dash flipped why did i do all this for that because i don't believe you

i'm too good of a listener you know if you're a representative all the listeners no wonder we give them so much

listeners rise up and do nothing like a me like a me like a me it's a him

your leader all right like of me i'll give you one for the like of me but not for listening i want to be very clear that's not a listening point all right but i'm wearing the official distractible merch.

I bet you guys wish you had some of these.

You'll have to buy it off the website if you want a piece of this.

Look at this.

The Zeus!

The Zeus?

The Zeus backwards?

Oh my God.

Are you really?

Okay, hold on.

Does it say assembly instructions?

Jesus Christ, you guys.

Hey, the Zeus!

I mean, the editors flipped it for everyone, I'm assuming, but you guys are, man.

Yeah, Mark's just trying to make us look stupid.

Have you ever heard of the ship of the Zeus?

I like this one.

Nah, it looks good.

Yeah, it's pretty good.

They both look good.

And then we got this one as the last one.

Ooh.

Look at that fancy boat.

We had two people make designs for the ship of Theseus, and they were both so good that we kind of just went with both of them.

If you take threads out of one of the shirts of the ship of Theseus and switch it with threads from the ship the other shirt of ship of Theseus, are they the same shirt?

This is just a damn good shirt.

This doesn't even say distractible.

We kind of fucked up with this one because people are just gonna buy this because it's a good shirt but it doesn't say distractible anywhere on it there's no distractible whatsoever i don't think there's anyone alive who would hear about the ship of theseus and not immediately think oh i know that from the hit podcast distractible yeah you gotta you gotta put that in guys when you can't just go to the website buy that one because it's just it's about distractible

man we we messed up

not even the back of the shirt there's no distractible anywhere No, no.

There's, I think, actually, maybe on the collar.

Yeah, on the collar, it's printed.

Did you see it, right?

Oh, hell yeah.

Oh, yeah.

I see that.

There we go.

Distractible.

There.

So it's on there.

It's on there.

Yep.

It's happening.

Finally, God, how long has it been?

Honestly, possibly like a year.

I don't remember.

It's been so long, I'm not even sure we ever had merch.

Yep.

I don't think so either.

I don't think we did.

Ignore the distractible merch sitting behind me.

Anywho, my story.

So

I was in the hospital, and I want to preface this.

No matter how much you guys make fun of me for what I'm about to say, understand this was easily one of the most painful experiences of my life.

Okay?

Right?

It is, yes.

It was actually, it was actually one of.

It might have, if, if it lasted any longer, it would be number one.

But yeah.

So I was eating carrots.

Classic mistake.

You guys know how I don't chew that good.

No, I thought you changed that behavior years ago.

I thought we talked about this.

Were you eating baby carrots or whole horse?

Baby carrots, baby carrots, baby carrots.

They were soft and chopped up.

I like how on online people called it me relapsing, like I relapsed into not chewing.

Or unco easy on me, relapsed anyway.

So I was playing a hilarious prank on Chica, and this is karma, right?

This is all karma.

So I was, I took a baby carrot, and I don't know why.

First thing in the morning, it's like, right, I woke up, I went to the fridge, grabbed a handful of carrots, and I was like, yeah, this is a good breakfast.

And I'm like, it's not the worst thing, but I was like, I'll do that.

And then I went over to Chica.

I munched one down.

I went over to Chica.

I was like, oh, I'll play a funny prank on her.

So I pick up her paw and I secretly pop a baby carrot in my mouth and I go up to her paw and go, crunch.

And she goes, oh.

She really does the whole, oh,

so it's like, that was really funny.

So I'll do it again, right?

And I haven't swallowed any of it yet because, you know, I was still playing the prank.

Only one

can't pat my head and rub my stomach at the same time.

So I pop another in secretly and I go crunch.

And she's like,

she puts her other paw like on my hand.

Like, no, please.

Stop.

Stop.

So I do it again.

And then I think by then she gets it.

I think she saw me put the carrot in.

And then I, then I put her paw down and I put another carrot in.

I'll crunch it down.

I'm like, see, it's not that bad.

I get done with that, crunch a few more times.

See, I was chewing a little bit, but the thing was, I was in the middle of the joke, so I did like four baby carrots at once, and then I tried to swallow that all, and it didn't go down very good.

And it's like, have you ever swallowed something and it's like too much and you feel the pain of it because you're gone down?

Well, that gets a lot worse the farther down it goes.

So what happened was, um,

I got the baby carrots went down and then they just stopped right around here, dead center of my chest, right?

So, right in the center of my chest, and I'm like, ah, shit, this sucks.

Ow, this fucking hurts.

So, I go to get some water, and I know shit's bad.

When I tried to drink the water, it doesn't go down, it just right back up.

I can't even get water down.

Oh, I start to, it starts to hurt even more and more because it's like your esophagus has like peristaltic motion when you swallow.

It kind of is the same as the intestines where it's like rhythmic, it pushes like it squeezes things down so it can get things down.

So it's squeezing and it's compacting it and it's compacting it into a more dense ball of sharp baby carrot bit, partially chewed baby carrot bits.

After about a few minutes, I realize like, holy shit, this might be one, this is unbelievably painful.

I am now convincing myself that maybe this is a coincidence and because the pain is just me

literally just

and strangest thing, and I'm sure it's just the body's response to try to clear something out, waterfall of drool.

Just like I can't stop,

endless drool.

But I know I can't swallow it down because it won't go down.

So it's just,

so

I make it about like 10 steps towards the bedroom.

I think Amy was still asleep at this point.

Call it to Amy.

And she runs out and finds me huddled up against the couch, clutching my chest, just drool everywhere.

Horrible sight.

She was horrified.

Called 911 immediately.

Wee-woo, bunch of paramedics come in there.

They take a look at me, and I'm huddled over, clutching my chest.

And I can barely get words out.

Like, when I say this, it was unbelievable, it was unbelievably painful.

And I was just sitting there like, holy shit, is this how I'm going to die?

And so they get an EKG, they see it's not heart, but it's like the pain's just like fucking because it won't go away, right?

It's because it can't get down, it can't go around.

So I take a wee-woo ride down to the hospital where I have to try to explain people over and over.

Yes, I've had a heart attack in my past.

I ate some carrots.

It's carrots.

I ate some carrots.

Even the ambulance drivers, who I convinced eventually, came into the hospital and they were like, he's got chest pain, but it's not cardiac related.

He ate some carrots.

And the hospital staff was like,

just because you say it's not cardiac related doesn't mean it's not.

So they get me in there and I'm trying, it's carrots.

Oh, it's carrots.

Mark sitting in the ER going, I don't think this is how you fix a carrot.

So I get into the hospital room, and they're all very worried because it's like, I am like nine out of ten pain, clutching my chest, spasming, ow.

And so finally, they do an EKG there, and it's they're scared first because the first machine that they hooked up to me was going,

She's dead.

I'm sorry to tell you this, sir, but you're dead.

So they reattach the leads and they do it again.

So, and they're like, oh, this machine's broken.

But in the meantime, they're just like, oh,

put another IV in.

So I got one IV here, one IV here.

Oh, it's carrots.

It's carrots.

They make me think I'm dying.

So

they get a new machine in and they hook me up.

And finally, it's like,

perfect blood pressure, perfect sinus rhythm.

My heart has never looked healthier, right?

So then they're like, ah, hmm, okay, all right.

Well, let's get a, let's get the doctor and he'll talk to you.

And I'm still in agony.

So when the doctor comes in, I'm talking to the doctor as if like he would know.

what my charts said or something like that.

So I'm like, ah, the pain, because it was going up and down.

The pain's back.

He's like, whoa, whoa, whoa.

I don't even know you, man.

I don't know your your story.

Where'd you grow up?

Oh, you came in here.

I thought we were going to do, all right, were you just hiding from someone?

Or

I think it was just because they were in, because when it's a chest pain, they move so fast that they, because you could die in a second.

So they didn't write anything down.

So they just sent the doctor in.

And so I had to explain to him through all the pain that I was eating carrots and I played a prank on my dog.

It's wrong.

And it was like, oh, you got, oh, okay.

All right.

You got food.

Oh, that makes sense.

Very painful.

I feel for you.

We're going to get you some painkillers.

So they got me some morphine.

Helped a lot.

They got me this thing called glucagon.

Made-up medicine.

Definitely fake.

This wasn't real.

Anyway, they get glucagon in me, and that dilates your esophagus.

And I shit you not.

If that didn't work, the solution to my problem, he said, I thought he was joking at first.

He was not joking.

Drink soda and jump.

That was the second solution.

That's what they did for Bugs Bunny when he went in there after choking on carrots.

I mean, honestly, I really, because, you know, after they realized I wasn't dying, he was like, no, they're trying to make me laugh, you know, because I'm in agony.

And so

I'm joking along too as much as I can.

And I thought, he said, drink, yeah, we'll get you some sprite and you'll jump up and down a few times.

And I go,

he's like, I'm serious.

Yeah, we'll, yeah, that's the solution.

Otherwise, they get an endoscope and they push it down or pull it out.

But you have to go under for that.

So they got the glucagon and they got the morphine.

And I sat there for an hour while they were seeing if that worked.

And then I started slowly drinking water.

And at first, before the glucagon, it still wasn't going down.

Then afterwards, it was like starting to go down.

And then I got another whole bottle of water.

As soon as it was gone, pain gone instantly.

It was crazy, which makes sense because when I had, you know, bowel obstructions, as soon as it's gone and not like stretching your

intestines or your esophagus, the pain's gone instantly.

So I feel silly walking out of of there.

I like because I'm walking out, you know, like no wheelchair for me.

Just like, thanks.

Like an hour after I came in with full wee-woo, like everyone's like putting attachments to me.

I delay.

Thanks, guys.

But definitely one of the most painful experiences in my life.

I don't know how my pain compared because it's totally different, but I had, I had sciatic nerve pain, which basically like almost paralyzed one of my legs one time.

It just got really compressed and pinched.

That experience when you go in and you like, I was, I was sitting in the waiting room crying, like actively, like shuddering.

Like, it was the worst pain I've ever felt.

And I, and everyone in the waiting room was like, why the fuck aren't they seeing this dude?

What's wrong with this guy?

Because I just sitting there like,

like, constant.

And the moment when the doctors see you, I'm sure they, like, the way you described it, they see you and you have chest pain.

And they're like, he's fucking dying.

Everyone get in here.

Oh, the machine.

Boom.

And the moment they're like, oh, he's not dying.

Everyone just fucks off.

and you're still in, you're still there, like,

and they're like, all right, calm down, sir.

You're fine.

All right.

Can I get a full history?

Can you go back to age of 13 if you could?

But

the huge switch from you don't feel any better at all, but you feel like you're going to die to the doctors being like, we'll get to you.

All right, calm the fuck down.

Like, you're going to be fine.

Like, that doesn't feel great.

I, that doesn't, it's not very fun in my experience.

No, not at all.

Yeah.

I mean, it makes complete sense.

And the problem was I kept saying, I have had a heart attack in my past, but it wasn't because my heart was bad.

It was a drinking thing.

And then I have to explain that.

And they're like, what does it mean?

And I'm like, half Korean.

I get, you know, I can't process alcohol right.

Which Korean?

Yeah, which Korean?

What does that mean?

What does that mean?

So, yeah, it took

a bit.

Which half?

Left, right, top, bottom?

Yeah, that's what happened.

That's why I was in the hospital.

That's why

all that occurred.

It wasn't my guts for once.

It wasn't.

It was because I played a prank on Chica.

Yeah, I assumed you had like a bowel obstruction or something because you love to get those.

Because you were pulling a prank without a carrot in the world.

I can't tell if he likes that or doesn't like that.

I like it.

I like it.

I like it.

I like it.

That's a lie.

I don't like it.

You got two lie points right now.

That's a plus lie point, though.

I've not even been the one to lie.

I don't think.

Unless I did, anyway.

So, yeah, very painful.

Uh, same kind of thing as an intestinal blockage, but yeah, totally unrelated.

Not anything to do with my past history.

I just, hey, chew your carrots.

There might be something else.

I'm going to get a follow-up and they're going to look.

I'm actually going to get an endoscopy just in case.

Because if there's something else, because I've had baby carrots before,

I'm not the best chewer, but if there is something else, they're going to look just in case.

If there's like a lump or something like that, or some kind of like if I've had acid reflux and haven't noticed it and it's caused like scar tissue up there, you know, there's a possibility this could be something else.

So I am going to follow up, except when I called the doctor to follow up.

This isn't my normal doctor, like some of them they referred to me.

I call him up.

I was like, hey, I want to get a follow-up because I was in the hospital and they're like, all right, what for?

I'm like,

literally, the attitude I got.

Well, I mean, I was in because I had a blockage in my esophagus.

Uh-huh.

And they said i should get an endoscopy you need to go under for that i'm like why

yeah like what am i supposed to say that anyway they haven't called me back i think i called the wrong number

you don't sound like you can afford to go under i don't know if we want to talk to you anymore sir Yeah, like they referred me to the doctor that they have at the insurance companies that evaluates your cases over there.

This guy doesn't even know if you have to go under for an endoscopy.

Like we're going to see him.

Anyway, so yeah, that's my story.

I've never had that, but that's honestly a fear, kind of a

small-time fear that I have in my head.

Because

I chew my food pretty well, but I'm the I've had it happen where like I'm eating something and you like take a big bite, and then immediately as you're like finishing taking the bite, someone is like, Oh, hey, I haven't seen you in years.

How are you doing?

And I'm like,

and I like try and hork it down real quick because you're trying to talk or whatever.

I've had a couple times where I like it got down there and I started to feel the start of that pain and then I took a drink and I could feel the water just like sitting in my and for a second I was like oh my god can that happen but I'll like the couple times that's happened after a second it just goes poosh and flushes and I'm fine but I that sounds really awful I can't imagine that's like really unpleasant I doubt there's many foods that can do that.

I mean, you'd have to be eating like chicken bones usually for something like that to happen.

I think carrots was probably the best thing for it because it's sharp, like it's crunchy, but it's not going to tear my esophagus like a chicken bone would if it was fractured or something like that.

Yeah, well, and carrots are not very, they're not like water-soluble, right?

Like, if you're eating anything with like bread or starch and then you try and take a drink, or even just your saliva, it'll eventually dissolve a little.

Carrots are a little more like

they get more plump and firm and

keep growing.

Actually, technically, yeah, they do kind of plump up, but I remember that Bill Nye thing about he dipped a carrot in water and he did that.

But I think that all in all, of the things that could do it, which are like the hard kind of foods like that, that's probably the better one to do it, just harder to take care of.

All right, my next episode idea is you guys are going to have a baby carrot eating contest.

Whoever can eat the most baby carrots in one bite and swallow wins.

All right, a battle to the death.

Mark's all stretched out, so it's really going to be skewed in his favor.

Oh, I think I've got my gluca gun right here, so I can pre-glue gluca gun.

Gleck, clack.

I'm gonna pre-gluke.

I'm gonna expand.

I am not stretched out because I was eating some things, and it's still, it's still kind of tender.

Like it's sore to eat things.

So I gotta eat soft foods for a little bit.

Do you know who really wants to kill you?

Are waiters and waitresses because they wait until right when you put a big bite in your mouth and you two, like the first two chews, and they're like, how is everything?

Can I get you?

You're like drinks empty.

Like, do you need anything?

You better say it with your words.

If you do, I'm not going to notice your empty cup and you're like

water water water i know i know that's a stand-up bit and i i know you're probably saying it but i've never experienced that because there are many more often than not i am not stuffing food in my mouth and i've seen you eat i've seen you eat it's every second you don't breathe you just eat your mouth is never empty when we go out to dinner together i occasionally come up for air they don't wait for that moment it's always the biggest bite and i swear they watch they like creep around the corner and they're like oh, he's about to take the bite.

Let's see if they need anything.

No, honestly, I think Mark's spot on.

I eat a lot.

I'm like a big dude.

I'm stereotypically.

I eat a lot.

I'm a big guy.

You make me look like I don't eat very quickly and like I don't eat nearly enough food.

I don't know how you do it, but I think it would be hard for a waiter to find a moment where you weren't in the process of shoving food in your mouth during a meal.

I think that's a you problem.

It's like the former president once said, eat fast and carry a big straw roosevelt right yeah i think that's that's what he said come here for all of your history knowledge listeners and viewers did you see eat fast and carrot a big straw or carry i said carry but carrot's hilarious because of what happened to you that's that's tragic because what happened to you

that's what i meant all right you know i'm not scratching all this out i don't want to do anything

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This episode is brought to you by Uber.

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All right, so it is now well into the episode.

The laughs just don't stop, except they do now, because there's no time for really anything else.

We got to go with an Anything Goes.

Ah, darn it.

I'm good at these.

Okay, you go first.

All right.

What are we doing?

Anything goes.

Whatever you want to talk about.

There's things I could talk about that might not be topical.

I could kick it off with something that...

But I've also just told a big story.

I got to let him off the hook when he just jumped in and told you he was good.

All right.

I won't let him off the hook.

Don't let him off the hook.

Yeah, don't let me off the hook.

You're on the hook.

I want to talk about something.

Our body design.

I've been throwing football.

I've been playing basketball.

I've been swimming.

I've been doing different things.

And then, like Bob said, we went and played a little bit of golf.

And my forearms hurt.

I've been doing the sports.

So why I hurt?

Why those muscles like not recognized?

I've been throwing football 20 yards for the last few weeks.

No, swing a golf club for an hour and a half and you have to be sore.

I'm a little bit peeved that my muscles weren't more prepared for that because I've been training them.

You haven't been training them in golf?

No, but they should know better by now.

Like if I work them out in one way, they should just be prepared for everything because that's how body should work.

Brain tell body, be prepared.

Body no prepared.

That's not my fault.

It didn't do its homework.

That's not my fault.

It knew we were golfing like a month in advance.

But it didn't prepare.

It did not prepare.

Didn't even take a practice swing.

It's like, it makes me do all the work.

And it's like, why do we evolve this way?

I want to get out of there.

Okay, so did I tell you about my, I was tired and I had this weird brain fart that made me question the nature of my reality?

I don't think so.

So I was driving

and it was like, I wasn't dangerously sleep deprived, but I was talking in my own head.

And I forget what it was exactly at this point that I said to myself, but in my head, you know, you got the voice in your head, right?

I know some people say they don't, and I don't believe them.

Oh, it's there.

So, talk to myself in the car, and I say something in my head that I misinterpreted.

I heard myself wrong, and then answered my question the opposite of what I intended.

And I went back, like, oh no, that's not what I meant.

And I, I was like, floored instantly.

I was floored because I was like, how did I mishear myself?

Who's listening?

I was like, who's listening that could mishear me?

What?

I was done the whole day.

You're having a Dexter dark passenger moment or something, yeah?

I mean, basically, I mean, they've said a lot and I've brought up like the, I don't think it's even the right term, the bicameral mind.

I don't think that's the right term for it, but it's like the experiments for the two halves of the brain, like how one's kind of a silent passenger.

And it's like, if I'm talking, who is listening?

And how could I mishear myself?

How could I misinterpret what I said in my own head?

How is that possible?

Because I answered the question that I asked myself wrong.

What is that?

Anyway, did both of you

realize the whole time what was happening?

Like, one of you asked the question and the other one answered it wrong.

And the first one was like, that's not what I asked you.

Exactly.

Yes.

It was exactly like that.

Like, no, that's not what I meant.

And that's what happened.

It's like,

that's not what I meant.

And then both of us just went bonk.

Wait, who's listening?

Who said that?

Dude, you are one precious lens away from Smeagle Golluming yourself.

I mean, I think we all are, you know, I think really we all are.

I'm really going to have to stick to my guns and say that I just don't have an inner dialogue.

I just actually don't.

You don't see pictures and you're no inner dialogue, this guy.

I don't.

It sounds completely crazy to me.

The couple times in my life that I ever feel like I've heard a voice that wasn't a sound I was physically making scared the shit out of me.

It physically, it like scares me so much that I'd like go and I look around the house.

I'm like, who the fuck?

What in the hell?

I do feel like I'm talking in my head, but it feels more like if I was sitting in an empty room and I was just like, oh, I got to remember to do that thing later.

Oh, but it's, it's just silent thoughts.

It's like I'm aware.

I would say it out loud if I, if I was alone, but I'm not saying it out loud.

So I'm just thinking it, but it doesn't feel like I'm.

It's just a weird thing.

I feel like you're right.

I feel like I kind of agree with you.

That's like a perception thing more than a different reality thing for people, but it really just doesn't, nothing in my experience lines up with the like, oh, I see pictures, oh, I talk to myself.

Like, I don't, I don't.

It really doesn't feel like that.

There, there, the majority of the time, I think it's like that, where it's like, it's not a conversation.

It is just a passiveness that is applying, you know, words to what's around me.

Um, but many times it's, it's actual, I, I have a conversation with myself.

all the time.

I have conversations with myself too, but I don't hear my, like if I'm speaking out loud, it's different.

It's not auditory auditory whenever I'm thinking.

It's in my voice and it's in the way I speak, but I don't hear myself.

I don't know how to describe like the thought process of like, it's a conversation, but like it, it's lacking the auditory component while having the sensation of being auditory.

I suppose that like it's hard to interpret it one way or another because it's like you're not obviously not hearing it, but I don't like the sound of my own voice and I don't mind listening to my thoughts because it's not my voice.

You could have a conversation in your head with different voices.

Yeah, then I can kind of hear it if I'm trying to do a voice, but if I'm just having like a thought, it's not the same thing.

Does it sound like other people talking or does it sound like you're just being like, oh, I don't want to go to the party?

Oh, we have to go to the party.

No, I like I think people get this when they, when they're like, oh man, I can hear someone reading that or saying that thing.

It's like,

you can, I can anyways.

Like, I can have another voice in my head that is a perfectly different voice.

I can either apply to someone else that I've heard in my life or it's like some kind of amalgamation.

So it's like, yeah, I can have conversations in my head with that.

That's weird.

That's the thing that scares me because I do get that sometimes.

And if it ever gets to the point where I think it's not me, then I know I'm in trouble.

Yeah, well, that's what it's happened to me.

It's been like, it's been like auditory hallucinations where it's been like, I thought I heard the voice from down the hallway and it was like a woman's voice.

And I'm like, oh, fucking, I'm home alone.

I control what voice it is.

Like, just now, I just imagined Morgan Freeman's voice actually sounded like Morgan Freeman.

He just said, I'm Morgan Freeman.

Morgan Freeman.

What a name.

Morgan Freeman.

Why are you saying that, Morgan?

I think you get like the Impressionist version of Morgan Freeman, like saying Morgan Freeman.

I always think of that

G-mod meme of where he's like, they're playing prop hunt, and one of the guys is like, can you hunt me as Morgan Freeman?

And the guy just goes, I can smell you.

I think that was Gassy Mexican, right?

That did the Morgan Freeman impression.

He did a really good one.

But I was going to ask, wait, so how much silence do you guys get?

Because I would say the majority of my, whatever the inner monologue, inner dialogue stuff is, the majority of the time, I actually kind of just get like static, like silence.

I get that a lot because Mandy's like the opposite.

She's constantly thinking and talking.

And so when we're sitting not talking to each other, she'll just, you know, I'll have a face and she'll be like, what are you thinking about?

And I'm like,

nothing.

Emptiness, blank space.

And I people always act like that's fucking crazy.

Like, but I just have silence in my head a lot.

I just actually don't.

Do you guys get that?

Or do you have a lot of constant something going on?

Mine's more like I'll be either thinking about something passively or I'll be remembering something or like having a memory or random thought.

And then as soon as I'm pulled to like actively think about it, it's gone, kind of like a dream.

Like I'll know there was something there and it's like, I don't know, I zoned out.

Like there will have been something, but I will have lost what it was.

There's very rarely silence in my head.

I mean, that's, I think most people would have to meditate to get to that level of nirvana.

I think you were just on a higher plane.

That sounds exhausting.

Kind of a little bit, but not really, but sort of.

Like that, like, how do you sleep when you're laying in bed?

Do you have your voice in your head is like,

and you're just like, shut up, we're sleeping now.

This is why I'm awake till like five, six in the morning.

No joke.

That's why I'm up so late.

I have trouble shutting it down.

That's crazy to me.

That sounds so crazy.

When I talk about how I first was able to finally make myself all sleep, it was, shut up, we're sleeping now.

Literally exactly that.

And I had to like,

you know, finally show.

Yeah, you got it.

You got to shut up.

We're sleeping now.

But yeah, we got a whole quiet head over here.

Yeah, I mean, I guess I'm just

a more elevated person than all you other people, but I literally just like that sound, that soft radio static is what's in my head a lot of the time.

I don't get that.

I'm.

My brain's very active.

Whenever like you guys say something and I miss it, like earlier with the shirt being flipped, it's like, that's because I'm always listening to you two.

And also, there's always an inner monologue in my head also talking.

Oh, I couldn't do that.

So I'm like, I'm like, oh, would that be funny?

Oh, no, I shouldn't go with that one.

Oh, let's, ooh, that makes me think about what were you guys saying?

I have the same thing, but I've just gotten really good at trying to pick back up where things are.

I don't have a success rate all the time, but I'll snap to it and be like, they've been talking.

Context, who's context, who's context, who's back in it, baby.

Another nailed it again.

I have to lean into it.

I lean into the, I wasn't listening because it's my thing.

I would never hear anything.

If there's a TV on anywhere in the world and I'm trying to talk to a person, I can't hear either of them.

I can shut it down, but I have to actively be like, no, focus.

Like, I can do that.

But, like, if I don't actively tell myself to focus on what you guys are saying, I very easily slip into like, you'll say something that Sparks memory like, oh, I should talk about that on this.

Yeah, that's a good topic.

That's a good thing to bring up.

That's my small talk.

And you guys will be like, wait, and I'll be like, fuck.

Yeah, I love Transformers.

What were we saying?

Yeah, you've definitely said that before.

It happens.

It happens a lot.

It feels like the opposite to me i have to like remind myself i'm supposed to talk i'll just be sitting listening to someone and we're having a conversation but i'll just be like yeah like i love what you're saying right now this is so interesting and then they'll stop and i'll be like

oh i respond now oh wait a minute wait a minute uh i know this but i was listening i just love listening to people it's fascinating My brain picks up on every sentence you guys say at first and then is like trying to think about what I will respond with.

And then you guys keep going and then I lose context and it's like, oh, Wade wasn't listening.

It's like, no, I was trying so hard.

You actually weren't listening, though.

So I'm just going to keep giving you shit.

Oh, he was listening.

I wasn't listening at all, actually.

I opened up a completely unrelated tab just then.

You could see by the light that shined on my face that another tab just opened and I was not paying attention.

I'm going to deduct a point for myself for not listening.

Ah, that was a long turn.

Who do I give a point to that for?

Wade, was that your discussion?

You get a...

Oh, wait, no, I already gave you.

This started from Wade's body design.

Wait, no, that can't be right because it was something else no yes brain tell do thing did yeah you got a point for that yes well i have news thank god grandma's dead would be how i would summarize this story

a library book was recently returned after being borrowed for 82 years in the front of this library book there's an old school stamp checkout check-in thing and it got checked out on uh oh whatever june oh that's not even the book whatever it got got checked out 82 years ago approximately and there's a big thing on the front of the book that says this is a 28 day uh book borrow every day that it's late is three cents in uh overdraft fees which if you do the math would come out to eighty nine thousand seven hundred and ninety dollars after 82 years of not returning the book

then that's not even accounting for inflation yeah no that's just trade multiplying it that's that's uh yeah But luckily, the book was originally checked out by the person who returned its grandmother.

And they were going through an old family home and cleaning out like an attic or storage or something.

And they found this book and they were like, oh shit.

And they brought it back to the library.

And they were like, they left a note in the book, a handwritten note that said,

my grandma borrowed this.

She's not going to be able to pay you guys.

Sorry.

And they just shoved it in the thing.

And'cause grandma wasn't around anymore.

Grandma had passed away.

Thank God, thank god, because they would have owed 90 grand in uh overdraft fees, sort of like the opposite of the situation that you have going on with Apple, where they're trying to get that penny from you.

Hey, they haven't sent a message since.

I think I'm in the clear, they're charging you $6 a day for every day you don't pay the penny.

But what I want to know is who at Apple listens to our podcast because that's the only place that I know about it.

And hey, wait, nope, not that.

Hey, look at me, Apple.

I want you to know that if you are listening to this and you are in any way able to get me free Apple things, because I've been trying for, hey, I would love.

I've been shouting Apple for a long time, and no one has been knocking on my door to give me stuff.

And I see other people get stuff all the time.

Why don't I ever get stuff even though I got free stuff?

Holy shit, wait, I got to make a promo video for Prusa.

Oh, fuck.

Oh, that's like six months old.

Ah, shit.

Oh, God.

Oh, they gave me so much free stuff.

Apple, wait, listen.

Hold on.

I can be trusted with the free stuff.

Hey, if you want a pretty printer, get Prusa.

They are the great.

They're so reliable.

Literally, this sounds fake.

It's true.

I think I know why people don't give me anything.

That was a whole journey of self-discovery right there.

Yeah, I know.

How many points did you lose for that?

Another one minus one for Prusa.

I think you should lose a point for every day you didn't do the promo for Prusa.

You're right.

Oh, man.

Hope your grandkids one day come in and turn this sentence because

they and they trusted me so good.

They were like, hey, we don't need a contract, nothing.

We're just going to send you stuff.

If you ever need anything, you just email us.

We'll get it to you.

And they did.

I haven't done anything for them.

I'm the worst.

You know what, Mark?

It worked on me.

When I buy a 3D printer, I'm buying a Prusa.

Okay, that's good.

I might.

You would just buy it and leave it in the box.

Don't even.

They were being used aggressively this past week for another YouTuber's project that I'm helping out with.

So that's

yeah, so they're being used and they work beautifully.

Except one clogged, but that's not their fault.

They were kind of sitting there for a bit.

And also the person who plugged them in used the complete wrong filament setting.

Yeah, 3D printers got to really chew before they process.

All right, what's next?

Wade, you're up.

Oh, shit.

I had something.

Oh, you know what?

I've got breaking news-ish yesterday for all of my sports fanatics out there.

I know who you are, the three of you, Tyler.

Thank you for listening and watching.

The Bengals signed Trey Hendrickson to a one-year contract.

It's kind of wild.

I know that's not something a lot of people care about, but this is a big star player that we've had for a long time.

And they've had this negotiation going on for a very long time for this contract.

And from what we'd heard, it was like, hey, we're going to sign you to three years.

You agree?

Great.

We agree.

We're going to give you this much per year.

Great.

You agree?

We agree.

We're going to guarantee you the first year.

I want three years guaranteed.

No, we're going to guarantee you the first year.

No, I want three years.

And somehow all of that turned into what if we don't do any of the things we agreed to, this 90-page contract, of which we agreed to 89 and a half pages.

What if we just do one year and give you an extra 14 million?

Yeah, that's great.

A week before the season starts, basically.

I don't know.

I don't get it.

Other players are being signed.

They're getting these contracts.

The Bengals know what comparable contracts should be.

Why are they so stubborn?

That's why they're such a good franchise.

That's why they win so much because they're really stingy and they make sure all their contract negotiations are as awkward and last second as possible.

NFL contracts blow my mind.

I don't get it.

Also, eventually, are we going to hit like a cap of like because every year, right, the next contract's a little bit more, a little bit more, a little bit more.

There's only like so much money in the world right and we i know we keep printing it but like eventually you can't just keep increasing 10 people's salaries every year while the rest of the world stays in one spot right something bad will happen right it's gonna be bad can't be good right my understanding is whatever you said is crazy and that's not how it works yeah that's awesome i don't know i feel like We don't get raised.

We don't work normal jobs, but even when I did, I didn't get a raise every single year.

It wasn't like, oh, you're hired as a clerk.

You get $7 an hour.

Next year, oh, you're hired as a clerk.

You get $10 an hour.

That's not how it happened.

Well, I don't know if it should be a 40% raise every year, but I do think people probably should get a raise every year.

They should match the pace of inflation and cost of living increases, which they don't.

Like in America, that's pretty uncommon, but like they should, but they don't.

Which is why it's so funny, like really funny when you look at the whole minimum wage argument and how it hasn't changed at all.

And yet, the inflation from the last time it was changed to now is

so funny.

Funny because it hasn't changed at all and it's totally still the same value and amount of buying power for the same minimum wage and everything's fine.

No, no, it's funny because those kids think they deserve money.

So they're like 35 million.

I went 35 and a half million.

And most people are like, dude, 750 sounds great.

Like, I don't know what the minimum wage is now, but for me, it was like, dude, 750, I would love 50 more cents.

Dude, it's not 7.50, man.

It's not 750.

That's good because that wasn't much money even 12 years ago.

It's not 750, man.

Ah, 12.50.

It would love 12.50.

Nope.

Go down.

Is it still 7.25?

It's 7.25.

Oh, no.

It's less than 12.

It's less than 12, man.

It's 7.25.

I thought minimum wage went up a little bit.

No.

When I got my first part-time job, I think it had just recently gone up to 725.

And I was like, yes, 725.

And then that's still, that was a long time ago.

In California, it's $16.50, which is basically like $3.50 in Ohio.

But that's a state law,

not federal minimum wage.

Federal minimum wage has stuck.

I can't believe you said $750.

That's so funny.

Well, that's how much I made as an assistant manager was $7.50 an hour.

Oh, good.

Yeah, last time it's changed was 2009.

Hooray.

So wait, as an assistant manager, I was making 25 cents more than minimum wage.

Yeah, more than minimum wage.

So you're welcome.

Oh, we also had no breaks because we worked at a food place.

We didn't have to be given breaks.

We had to work a 12-hour shift with no official breaks and stuff.

It was...

That wasn't the laws, was it?

That's what the truth of the matter was.

You get like a 15-minute lunch if you work eight-hour.

I mean, not like I know employment laws anymore, whatever.

That seems wrong.

I worked at uh, I worked at like Jimmy John's and Pizza Places.

I only worked at food places, and we always got you always got like a 15-minute lunch if you had more, it was in more than an eight-hour shift.

15-minute lunch, that's holy shit, that's so nice.

That's more than I got.

Yeah, well, it was called lunch, but it was just a break.

You get one for per eight or more hours, you get one 15-minute break was what we always lived with.

My memory's not the best.

Maybe I'm remembering wrong.

In the middle there somewhere, you get 15 minutes to like go to the bathroom or something.

But I worked there for two and a half years, and I'm pretty sure two years, I'm sure I never got an official break ever.

I was a delivery driver, so like we would just go hide in the walk-in or just not come back for a while from delivery.

So, you know, like, I found breaks, but

they weren't paying me enough to not do that.

Yeah, if you're paid that little and uh it's you know, it's it's been a while since I worked a job like that and I've worked my fair share.

I don't even remember at that sushi place.

Did we get any breaks?

I never really took a break anyway because I was standing around most of the time anyway.

We didn't really get official breaks.

I was always a buser.

I never you switched and I never switched.

My only breaks I remember was you could stand and dry glasses and that was like you could sort of lean in the back and dry glasses and that was it.

Oh, yeah.

We never really had like a break break.

But you, they would give us, they would feed us if you started or

before dinner started.

You would come in and you could get a family meal or whatever, and it was really good.

That's why that job was so great.

And then when I got, when I couldn't go back to it, because I had my whole explosion going on.

Your inside explosion?

Actually, it was after that.

I had a lot of back pain for some reason.

I think it was related to it.

It was either before, I can't remember when it was, but that was a great job.

And then I, yeah, probably.

Ohio nor federal law requires a place to legally give you a break.

So you can be working 12 hours with no meal or rest breaks.

All right, well, that must have just been policy at the places that I worked.

Most good places give them.

I mean, 15 minutes, 15-minute break and an eight-hour shift, really not asking that much.

Ohio, not too great, huh, man.

Next time I go work my minimum wage job, I'll let you know how hard it is.

Oh, man.

Honestly, if you're hiring people for a specific job or task or something and they get all their work done, why do you fucking care what what they do?

If you, if I pay you to work a full-time job, which is 40 hours a week, and you can do every single thing I expect of you in 38 hours or 35 hours or 25 hours, who fucking cares?

I guess I could be like, well, I should assign you more work, but like, that's not how jobs work.

If you do your job, you do it well, good job.

The whole obsession with like, you gotta be in the office, you gotta be available in certain hours.

It's like, man, you guys need a fucking life.

You guys need need something outside of work to care about.

Don't you have like a family or something or anything?

Not anymore.

Maybe that's judgy and shitty of me, but I never, never understood the obsession with that sort of stuff.

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So that'll bring us to a conclusion.

Wade, you got anything negative to say about California?

Be careful.

My pencil's on the paper.

Yeah, your taxes fucking blow.

Got them.

Yeah, our taxes pay for the benefits.

I don't care what what fucking California taxes pay for.

I don't live there.

Maybe you should.

Boo!

Gulf of what is our country called?

United States or whatever is better.

Fuck the Pacific.

Is that where Ohio is located?

The Gulf of the United States?

Yeah, just twice removed.

It's like.

We're on the shoreline of the Gulf of the Gulf of the Gulf of the United States.

You know, Kentucky.

We're considered East Midwest.

Fuck.

Honestly, we should be our own region.

There's all this stuff where people are like, Ohio's not Midwest.

And like, culturally, a lot of Ohio is, but I get it because we're pretty far east, but we're definitely not East Coast.

I feel like Ohio Valley.

I mean, what are we?

Great Great Lakes region?

Do we get to be included in that?

Are we Great Lakesy?

We touch one of those.

We touch it all over.

We put all our nastiest shit into the Lake Erie.

Lights on fire by us because it's cool.

Thank God the Ohio River has never had anything bad go into it.

Yeah, it's a good river.

Good river.

That was great, guys.

It was great.

It was great.

Man, Wade, your size is weird.

What does that mean?

What does that mean?

It's got two live points, some negatives, a scratched-out completely thing going on here.

Man, you might want to flip that coin.

Some ain't right.

All right, unfair.

I'll do it right now.

All right.

Well, you didn't.

I didn't.

What is it for?

What's unfair?

Tell us.

I was going to say, let me read it first, and then you can tell.

No, I declare unfair.

To your points?

Yes.

All of Wade's points are unfair.

I like this.

This could

go really well for me.

All right, so if it's all unfair, then I need to reverse all of the points values.

But I'll tell you, that's not going to help you.

No, I like this.

This is good.

At least then they'd be fair.

You could have let me read them first.

All right, well, no, that would have been more unfair.

All right, okay, all right, okay.

Where's my coin?

There it is.

Here we go.

Heads?

Tails.

Tails.

Tails.

Sorry, bud.

All right.

Very fair.

Very fair points.

Fair points.

Thank you, Mark, for a fair game.

All right.

So, Bob, you got you made James alive.

You can't hear voices in your head, nerd.

Shut up.

We're sleeping now.

Thank God grandma's dead.

And then there was a lot more discussion after that, and I kind of stopped.

writing.

But that's four points for Bob there.

Oh, low bar.

Wade, you lost a point for agreeing.

For agreeing with me?

For agreement.

Man, see, things like that, you could have said,

you could have said.

Oh, no, you were both in agreement that you should lose a point.

That's what it was.

Oh, that's right.

We agreed Wade should lose a point.

That's right.

I don't think I knew that's what I was agreeing to, but yeah, I guess I did.

I have a minus one copying point, but that's a lie, so it doesn't count right now.

Unless.

Unless he'll makes it count.

You got one point for like a me.

Ah, then you got a plus one point without a carrot in the world.

It's because you choked out a carrot.

Do you remember that?

It's also a lie point, so it doesn't count.

Oh.

So

there was a point for eat fast and carrot something.

I crossed out because I.

Carrot a big something.

Straw.

Carrot a big straw.

He didn't say carrot a big straw.

He said carry a big straw.

Actually, it was a minus one point, and I scratched it out because I felt like that was unfair.

Well, I think you should probably count that one.

Too late now.

Anyway, and then you got one for Wade's body design.

So you're at a net plus one.

Unless the lies come in.

All right, baby.

All right, okay.

We got this.

Thank God I set such a low bar.

I feel like the contextualization of the unfair, you can frame it in a way that even if it doesn't come up the way you want, I believe you could, wade in the future.

I believe you can use the unfair coin if you word your unfair carefully so that if it turns up the more likely thing then you might still benefit i think it's unfair that unfair was already used and we should get to use it again yeah too late okay we call super secret double unfair how many

it's gonna be two all right one man show what do we add to the wheel mark Let's put another lie one on there because I want it to work.

Wait, what are the lies ones that are there?

So

lie points count?

No, there's already a lie points count, and there's always a lie points.

I think there's a lie point doubling or reverse.

Lie points doubled, lie points don't count.

Okay, so lie points do count, but that wouldn't matter because you had a plus and a minus lie point.

So you're still at one.

You still have plus one.

Oh, cool.

But okay, all right, okay, let's do another lie one.

It's like

absolute value of lie points.

That was how the whole thing ended.

Like all lie points are positive.

So it's like absolute lies.

Absolute value.

Oh man, we're going to real math.

Live points, absolute.

We'll definitely remember what that means.

Yeah, I think we, if you put the two lines around absolute, you, you, I think we all remember that.

Oh, I see where you're getting at.

Oh, nice.

All right.

All right.

We got two spins coming up.

Two spins.

Wade, you have a chance, technically.

Also, surprise golf rules is out here still.

Happiest contributions.

You did make James alive, Bob, but

Wade was complaining about his forearms hurting.

I saved great-granddaughter

$90,000.

That's true.

I complained about pay.

And I talked about my pain, so I think that goes to Bob.

Now, Wade, don't get discouraged.

Now, hold on.

Pain, payment, arm soreness.

Those are.

Yeah, I think Bob gets it.

You could still win.

I could.

There's ways.

Theoretically, and it would be hilarious.

This wheel is dense.

Oh!

Oh!

Yes!

Yes!

Holy shit!

How many points did that give me?

All right, so you had two lie points, one negative, one positive.

Now both of those are positive.

Since they canceled each other out, that's a net gain of two points.

That gets me to three!

Wait, does the scratched out point?

Was that a lie?

Does it count now too?

No, no.

Even if that did, it would would still only get you to four.

Um, Bob has five points.

Respin, respin, respin.

Nope, that was really good about you getting the absolute that's how lies can really come in.

Yeah, that makes lies a big swing, actually.

I kind of like that because the other ones kind of like make them kind of like ooh, risky, but that one's like

okay.

Well, Bob wins.

I think no matter which way I look at this, it's the winner.

Uh, so, uh, Bob, how do you feel?

As the greatest competitor to ever play the game, I feel pretty good.

I expected this.

I knew it was going to happen.

I deserve it, way more than Wade does.

And

I'm excited.

Excited to grant my glorious hosting another time to the glorious viewers and slightly less glorious listeners of this podcast.

You're pre-welcome.

Thank you.

You're welcome.

Wade.

I tried to say it was unfair.

The coin disagreed, so I guess I'll swallow my lumps even if I still disagree.

I will not be enacting the filibuster that is my right for the podcast.

I will just take the lump and lose.

Is that

a thing?

We didn't say it wasn't a thing.

We didn't say a lot of things wasn't a thing.

That's true.

Implications that we have.

Exactly.

But maybe one day if I don't agree fully, I'll hold out.

I will hold this whole podcast up.

But today's not today.

I do believe he would do that.

Oh, I would.

I was saying, I believe.

Well done.

Congratulations on on losing.

All right.

Thank you, Bob.

Thank you, Wade.

Bob, you congratulations to your big win.

You're going to host the next one.

Everyone at home is

beautiful.

Thank you.

You get plus two beauty points.

Hey, I'll give you a wheel spin.

And if

it lands on something,

I can't promise your dreams will come true, but they'll double in size.

Your dreams will double in size or they'll shrink by half.

Listen to these guys.

My scream, Lord Minion, 777.

I'm Mark Blar.

And have a good day.

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