Let's Get Deep

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Good evening, gentle listeners or watchers, and welcome to Distractible.

This episode, Brisk Bob decries the manly lead of Mark and gets the guys to truly penetrate.

Markovian Mark recalls sanitized flappers, but wails about Windows weirdness, gee bongs, and herb genitals.

Warlock Wade threatens soul harvesting, starts spurts, and states sunscreen suffering, ginger dead, and deliveries.

From baldness to coin coincidences.

Yaha!

It's time for.

Let's get deep.

now.

Sit back and prepare to be distracted and enjoy the show

Yeah, you never do anything weird when we're recording no wouldn't want to freak the editors out yes fucking got him fucking got him Fucking got him.

I'll do it again.

My whole episode is just let's make fun of Wade.

Ready, go Hit me.

Hit me.

Hair.

Oh, that's too hard.

Febulus.

Unopened boxes.

Oh,

not true.

It's well, yes, it is.

It's a little true.

Sewage.

Anyway.

I hope not, man.

I'm not looked at a day.

Oh, it's going to happen.

Oh, it's already happening.

It's like the FNAF.

I got to peek out of my door every now and then to keep the turds from coming in.

Is that in the most recent one?

I don't remember the turds monster.

Stupid poo bonnie.

shit versions of all the FNAF characters.

You got balloon boy, shit boy, Gallure Boy,

this boy.

He's just a puddle.

You guys remember that mobile version of FNAF, like FNAF augmented reality?

Where you hold your phone up?

I did a video on it.

Oh, God.

I never messed with it, but yeah.

I didn't play it, but I'm remember it.

They had a bunch of variants of the animatronics that were not canon at all.

Like they had an ice version of something, and I'm pretty sure shit Bonnie was in there.

Was it like farmed out or something?

I don't know, you know.

That's weird because

he's so dedicated to developing the canon and the lore and everything.

That's like.

I could not tell you.

I mean, not that it's all super cohesive all the time, but.

But there were so many.

That's weird.

Yeah, they had the normals.

And then, yeah, they had like Freddy Frostbear, which was a Christmas special.

They had

Shamrock Freddy, which just is a horrible green, but uh, Irish, I guess,

high score toy Chica, Easter Bonnie.

Oh my god, he looks horrifying.

Ooh, uh, Liberty Chica for 4th of July.

They had Liberty, Liberty, Liberty.

Oh, God, Katrina Toy Chica,

which is looks like Day of the Dead, I think.

Woodland Toy Freddy, which is just made of wood.

Boulder Toy Bonnie.

Just a rock?

Just a fucking rock texture.

Just a rock.

Swamp Balloon Boy, which actually is terrible.

Black iced frostbear.

Arctic Ballora.

Frostbite Balloon Boy.

Frost Plush Trap.

Black Heart Bonnie.

What?

Pirate?

Fucking serpent mangle?

The curse?

Who's the curse?

What the?

Oh, there it is.

I knew it.

Wait, I knew it.

Hold on.

Guys, I'm going to share my screen right now, and you're not going to believe me, even if you see it.

Get ready.

Hold on.

Get to those toilets, everybody.

You're about to join.

All right.

The ranks of.

Are we alive?

Is this a go?

This is recorded.

Yeah.

This is in here.

Fanafilin 9-9 cold open.

Poop onnie.

Oh, God.

Yeah.

I told you.

I told you.

I told you.

I literally think I had a plumber help me remove that.

That's just poop Bonnie.

That's that's that's poop bonnie.

Yep.

It's actually melted chocolate bonnie, but let's be real.

That's poop.

Yeah.

That's poop bonnie.

Doesn't your poop look like that little pink nose and everything.

When I made a cake with Rosanna Pansino, I made melted Freddy and drippy.

I called him drippy.

This is poop.

So I wasted a lot of time getting that.

No, that's a really good cold open.

No, I enjoyed it.

Little red chica.

What the fuck?

What the fuck are these things?

Go ahead.

Hello, and welcome back to your favorite Five Nights at Freddy's lore podcast.

Yeah, that's right.

This is Distractible.

And I am your host because probably I won the last one, but I'm never 100% sure because I've been down this road before.

My name is Bob.

I'm joined as always by my two competitors for today, Mark and Wade.

Hey, I'm Mark.

Oh, I thought you were just going to leave the listeners out.

Mark was waving.

He waved first to the viewers and then decided to speak for you peasant listeners out there.

Well, I'm so glad this is going to be the first listener-only episode.

Bob's episode, he's got in plan is so listener-focused, I guarantee you're not going to be mad anymore.

Wait, didn't we already show an image?

I'm not hosting.

That lasted long.

Right, if you've never seen the show before, or if you're, I don't know, just a listener and you're too stupid to know anything, Mark and Wade are competing to see who gets to host the next one.

That's the whole format.

One of them's going to win, and they host the next one.

That's why it keeps going forever.

And someday, all three of us will tie, and we will all three have to host the final episode of Distractible, and that's how it will end.

Probably.

I'm pretty sure that's in the Constitution.

And if it's not, it doesn't really matter because we don't follow that thing anyway.

Before we get into the game that I have planned today that everyone's going to love universally, how are you guys doing?

How's your talk?

Small?

I have so many things to contribute to this moment.

I don't know what to start with.

I feel bad for Wade already.

Yes.

Oh, man.

Sorry, Wade.

I guess I'll take the start then, since you don't know.

Hesitators, Chesitators, as they say.

Hey, come on, don't make fun of my chesitates.

Oh, I'm gonna just call it your chesitates.

Oh, make sure you bleep chesitators.

We can't have that in our show.

I have a medical condition.

I can't steal.

I have decided, you all better hope I don't host for a while because next time I host, I'm conducting a ritual to sacrifice every listener and viewer's soul that watches this in hopes that some crossroad demon or devil will give the Bengals a a defense because my god do I not have any hope after watching the preseason games it's been painful and sad and terrible that is the most useless sacrifice that will have ever been made but I appreciate your optimism I'll do it anyway even if you're not a fan if you're a fan of another team you're like well I don't like that too it doesn't matter your soul is mine some k-pop demon hunter shit right there Not seen it, but I've heard good things from you two and others.

It's pretty good.

Yeah.

It's pretty good.

Yeah.

I threw football for an hour and a half yesterday and my back and like arms are very sore today.

I've been doing a little bit more of the sports lately.

I've been doing more exercising.

We've been doing a lot of athlete shit every time we hang out.

Yeah, it's not changing anything.

I'm assuming I'm losing tons of fat and building tons of muscle, which is why the weight hasn't changed much.

But man, oh man, am I doing the sports?

And I made a horrible mistake.

It wasn't called this whenever we did it in school, but I think it's called running lines now, like on a basketball court where you go like baseline, free throw line.

Suicides?

Yeah, that's what we called it.

Oh, yeah, right.

I think it's called Running Lines now or something.

They changed it.

Why?

Why'd they change the name?

I don't know.

Something about it.

You know what?

That does make sense.

Now that I hear it out loud, that's interesting that they changed that.

That makes a lot of sense.

Yeah, I remembered the old name.

I was just avoiding it.

But thank you for saying that.

No, it didn't occur to me.

Honestly,

we don't get demonetized.

As soon as I said it, my brain was like, what the hell?

What would be called that?

Oh, I get that.

Yeah, it was called that.

I decided to do that anyway on the driveway.

I was like, you know what?

I should run lines.

I should just go and...

It's only been 20 years.

I'm sure it can't be that bad.

I'm remembering them poorly.

They deserve better than what my memory was.

You did this for fun?

This was like a punishment in the sports that I participated in.

Well, I knew that it was effective in making me feel like crap and probably getting into shape.

So I decided to run some lines.

I did three sets and then I went and panted for about five minutes.

Five minutes is pretty good.

Honestly, that's.

Well, then my nephew arrived, and I had to play it cool like I wasn't dying.

So I was like, oh, hey, welcome.

We're gonna play some blow.

Play some blow.

I guess I want to play some blow.

And on the inside, I was like,

just blow.

I'm tired again just thinking about it.

Those aren't fun.

And when I was able to like dunk a ball back in the day, the way I think I got there was like I would stand and like jump.

tap the backboard jump tap the backboard i would do that with like my left arm do it with my right arm and i would just kind of do like sets of jumps.

I was like, you know, let me do some of those afterward too.

That'll help.

Dude, jumping is hard.

I'm not in good shape and I wear out very quick.

So it's going to take some building up.

We're getting older, man.

I see why athletes retire at our age rather than start at our age.

But I've been doing stuff and I hurt and I'm sore and I want my mommy.

Good stuff.

Good stuff, bud.

Thank you.

Anyway, time for the good small talk.

Mark, hit me.

Right.

Absolutely.

Sorry, I just felt sick there for a second.

I was just like.

Oh, I'm hosting.

I should be.

Man, I definitely wrote out lots of points for you during that, Wade.

Don't worry about it.

Let me just get this book back out from all the writing I did for Wade.

I was like, that must be enough points.

And then I put it away.

Go ahead, Mark.

Is it too early?

Is it too early?

I actually started feeling sick during that for some reason.

I was like, oh my God.

Man, guys, come on.

I'm going to throw up right here on the podcast.

My small talk makes you sick.

I don't get any points.

I really feel like this coin.

No, it's because the only thing I ate today for breakfast was a handful of Altoids and half a can of Dr.

Pepper.

That's not foods.

Those are what you call snacks.

I think that might be the.

Yeah, that might be the feel-terrible combo.

It's like Coke and Mentos.

What is Henry barking at?

Oh, this is too much for me.

Oh,

I can't handle all this.

I had my soda and and Altoids.

The dog's barking.

Wade talks.

It was a terrible day.

Hmm?

Yes.

What was it?

Okay.

What is he barking at?

All right, hold on.

I got to check on this, actually.

Amy's not home.

Probably a bear or something.

Oh, handshakes.

Handshakes.

Can you handshake the host?

We could make a handshake.

What was our last handshake?

I've forgotten what we agreed.

That at some point we could just declare Mark the winner of an episode, I think, was our last handshake.

Jokingly, because we were going to punish him because he's been busy.

We're like, ah, host

I don't know if I have an idea already, so I might just use that at the end of this one.

I'm making a lot of assumptions about me winning, but we're going to forget about it if we don't use it soon.

Yeah, I know.

The subreddit will spoil it because they're like, oh, remember those five points that Wade still has?

They're going to spoil it soon.

I don't have any other ideas for handshakes.

No, we can just let it go.

You don't have to always do handshakes.

That's true.

But we should always imply that we did because it makes Mark really paranoid.

And I find that hilarious.

I feel like at this point, he's just so over it.

He's like, ah, fucking.

Good.

Do some handshakes.

Good.

Yeah, he might.

We're going to really enact one.

I think the biggest thing is Mark's definitely winning the season.

Like, it's not even close.

And I don't want to just make a handshake where it's like, oh, we take wins away from Mark or something.

But, like, we should work together a little bit more, I think, to cut into his lead.

Not sure how to do that.

I don't even know when the season ends.

I thought we just started one.

Did we just end one?

Did we not?

When...

Look, what is a season?

We have very strict and complex rules that we adhere to.

So obviously I know when the season starts and ends.

One of us should host and declare it the season finale.

And we award wins instead of points.

I mean, I don't think the seasons are defined in Constitution or anything.

I think we've pretty much been doing that on the fly.

I don't know.

Cool guy.

I'm just saying if we manage to pull that off.

Oh, hey, man.

Welcome back.

Someone came to.

We weren't even pretending like we did, Zoe.

He just said, hey, welcome back.

What do you, you're not going to pull anything off of me?

It's a bit toasty in Ohio.

Like, what if you're wearing pants or a jacket?

No, no, no, not going to pull off on me.

I actually bought boxers two sizes too small, and we were talking about if I was going to be able to get out of them or not.

Oh, I see.

I see.

What if I pull that off?

Right, right, right.

All right.

So, where was I?

You were having a breakdown.

I was.

I was feeling sick.

Thank you very much because I ate terribly.

You ate half your Dr.

Pepper and and breath mints.

Yep, yep, yep.

Is it like a cereal?

Did you like pour it in a bowl?

The altoids?

Yeah.

Put some Dr.

Pepper on there.

A little cinnamon altoids.

Dr.

Pepper slushy?

I don't think so, but

mana.

You okay?

I want to eat more altoids.

I got to take them away.

I'm going to put them over here.

Where was it?

So, this is a terrible small talk.

I have such good small talk, but my performance in the round is actually pretty bad.

I admit that.

I understand that.

But this weekend was a very productive weekend in the past week because we're building a sound mixing theater.

And that sounds crazy, but actually, it's not that bad.

Minus a few caveats.

So, we open up the walls and we put the rock wool in there, which is like sound sound insulation.

It's like literally made of rocks.

They melt it into lava and they blow it through a cotton candy machine and then they turn it into string.

It's pretty cool.

Yeah, it's legitimately how it's made.

And the

Henry keeps barking.

Can you hear that?

We can't hear them if it makes you feel any better.

Okay, good.

All right, that's good.

That's good.

So we put that in the walls.

It's been a while since I've done like home renovation stuff like that or like worked on that, but it was nice to put the Jason and Jr.

put the plaster up or the pieces of.

It wasn't drywall.

It was like plaster or something.

But then putty and sand and stuff.

But the actual speakers itself went went up pretty nicely, mounted on the walls, connected them all, put them up to the sound mixer thing.

And then it had to, it all came to a stop with Dolby Atmos trying to figure out how that fucking thing works.

So I don't know if you knew this, but in Windows' latest update, they removed the Dolby Atmos codecs.

What?

And just, I look, I don't know.

That's commonly used.

It's basically the standard, but so was WordPad.

Yeah, actually.

All right, everyone's sad about your D ⁇ D stuff.

Called down.

Yeah, so they had it in Windows 10.

They had it in early Windows 11.

And then in the latest update, they were like, yeah, we're not including this anymore.

Go fuck yourselves, everybody.

And that's it, basically.

It's it's just not there.

So we had a hell of a time trying to get anything tested because we go, okay, we got the 7.1.4 speakers.

We need a 7.1.4 video file or test file.

And we found one.

We tried to play it, but then our speakers weren't right.

So we had to download Dolby Access, which is a program only on the Microsoft store.

But even that doesn't get you what you need for your theater setup because Windows doesn't have the freaking...

So why is it sold on the Microsoft store if Windows doesn't have the codec in order to do that?

So we couldn't even test anything.

And this blows my mind because the adage is like, if you want to do creative stuff, you go over to Mac, right?

The creatives usually work on Mac because most of the stuff just works there.

I think that's even was their slogan a while.

And but it's true, it's true for this because not only do they include the Dolby codecs, but when you're mixing Dolby Atmos on Mac, they have an internal thing called like Dolby Audio Bridge that is put there to internally route everything so you can mix Dolby Atmos stuff on the same computer.

If you do it Windows, you have to, like a streamer, have two computers.

What?

You have two computers.

I don't know.

That doesn't make any sense.

I don't know.

That's what they say in the documentation.

Anyway, it's just, it's absurd to me that it's that level of stupid because Microsoft is a small company and can't possibly figure out how to make these things work.

They're too busy trying to get Copilot to study all of your desktop movements.

And it's just like, It just was nearly impossible to set up until I realized that the actual interface that I bought with the package, which was like a $2,000 interface.

The whole package was a good deal, but still, like, these are expensive, can internally reroute it back into it and then back to the same computer.

So it functions as like the second computer.

That's why it was so expensive.

So you put the audio in there through these weird connectors called DB25 connectors, which like splits out to eight XLRs and they go into there and that goes into your computer.

And then you get Dolby.

You buy Dolby Atmos Renderer for $2.99 and then you put it on your computer and then you set up your speakers.

It goes out to that, into that, back into your

DaVinci Resolve, which in the settings, you have, it's in the settings of DaVinci when it has it, it has an IP address that you're supposed to put in for the second computer for Dolby Atmos to work.

Ah, I know, right?

So you have to set that to your computer's local domain name for your network so it can go back, go out to the network and back to it again.

It's so stupid.

Yikes.

James Cameron, I know you're watching and you can relate to this.

Tell us if that's what you do.

I don't know.

I give up.

I'm never making a movie or sound.

What you just said confused me so bad.

I'm lost.

You're making sound right now.

Yeah, you're making sound.

No, it confused me too, because you would think that it would just be you plug it in and you set up the, maybe you set up like that speakers, the front, that speakers, the left and right.

You can't even do that.

You have to know the number, number one you have to know what speaker number one is which is fine i get that but why can't you customize that why can't you change that it's it's really interesting wow i mean i've always wondered how they set it up to where like you have you know i don't know how many speakers are in a theater like oh they can have they have tons 18 20 30 depends yeah it's scales And each one can have like a different thing coming through.

So I've always wondered how they program that, but my God, that's what Dolby Atmos is trying trying to do i'm not saying dolby's a great company i don't know but dolby atmos tries to do that because in my 7.1.4 mix i can mix in dolby atmos and place them in the space wherever and the renderer will map out where that sound exists in accordance with the speaker setup you have so that's why it's so specific to the numbers because that'll scale up so it can scale up to like 128 speakers i think jesus And then it will know where the sound is and it will automatically map to those speakers.

So in a sense, it makes it easier.

So, you don't have to make a separate mix for every possible theater speaker setup.

That's fair.

Which is what they used to do and probably still do outside of Atmos.

But still, it's just like, man, Windows, why you got to make it hard?

Why do you have to make it hard?

Of all the things I assumed you'd have trouble with on that project, that's not one I would have guessed.

Especially, it did exist right up until sometime fairly immediately before you needed to use it.

Yeah.

I swear last week Windows forced an update.

Like, if Windows never had Atmos, and be like,

that's stupid, but all right.

But they had it.

They just did, they were just finally just now like, ah,

never mind.

Legitimately, yeah.

You know what?

Maybe they're making a rival movie and they're trying to stop Mark from succeeding.

Yeah, everything is just targeting Mark's creative endeavors.

Nobody wants this movie to see the light of day.

They're like, you'll never compete with Copper Bladder.

No, not Copper bladder.

Yeah, that's right.

Magnesium soft palette will succeed.

Oh.

Wade, why did you raise your hand in our recording software?

I forgot part of my small talk.

I don't know if Mark was done, but let's cut him off.

Wade, what did you forget?

Sure.

Bald.

I put on sunscreen and man, I don't know.

Something happened where the sunscreen and my sweat.

I don't have hair.

There was no absorption.

So it all just ran and dripped and got in my eyes.

And my eyes were blood red all evening last night.

So now I understand why bald wear headbands.

Sweat has to go somewhere.

You never learned that lesson?

When you had hairs, did you just put sunscreen on your forehead like an animal?

Well, like for swimming and stuff, I put sunscreen on my face.

But on your forehead, and it never ran into your eyes?

Because I get that all every time.

That's why you should wear hats.

No, no, not like for some reason, yesterday was a whole new level of drippy, clumpy sunscreen.

All right.

And I realized that because my eyes were really gunky today, and I was like, man, why are my eyes so gunky?

And it's probably because they were rejecting everything that got in them yesterday.

So, bald, headband.

I get it.

Now, back to your regularly scheduled Mark computer issues.

That was it for the computer issues.

We got it working eventually.

And we were testing out some audio.

That's amazing.

And it sounded really good.

That's good.

The walls were untreated.

We didn't even have like soundproofing on the walls.

It was super echoey, but I was shocked.

Like, this is an entry-level package.

All in all, if you already had a computer, you could set up a Dolby Atmos mixing area.

If you had a computer and a monitor, let's consider that.

The whole package, you'd think it would be like tens of thousands, and probably like people would quote that was

on sweet water,

sweet water, whatever.

On whatever your favorite audio product shopping location is, pay me money.

Pay us money.

Does that make you feel a better way?

Wait, pay us money.

Yeah.

It was total $5,500 for the entire package, everything we needed.

That's way less than I would guess for anything remotely film Mickey related.

That's pretty good.

Right?

For a home theater setup, this was what you needed as well if you wanted to have a full-on home theater at most ready setup with like overhead speakers.

And let me tell you, like when it was actually doing the demo and was going around you, I was like, oh, fuck, I'm in a movie theater.

This is exactly what it was like when you're at the beginning of a movie theater.

It's like, you're watching an

hat.

Moose,

you know, when it's doing all those.

It felt like that.

I was like, holy shit, this worked.

I can't believe it worked.

Holy hell.

And obviously,

it costs money because we bought the insulation that goes in the walls and XLR cables.

Those are not always as cheap as you think they are.

For good ones, you know, you got to get like the gold-plated nonsense and really high-quality cables means, you know, less noise on the transmission.

But but that might be a few extra hundred dollars into the project and then the time it takes to set it all up but it was really cool i was really happy with it i i was fan and honestly like we actually fell back from windows to sam's like m1 mac book it was all running off of his mac book nice the first generation m1 mac book so it was it was really cool i'm i'm very pleased with that that's fun i'm glad it worked i i'm shocked with how what you were describing i don't know that i would ever gotten it to work it was a pain in the ass.

It was really stupid.

Apparently they left it up to like computer manufacturers to put the Dolby codecs in there.

For those that don't know, a codec is just the language interpretation for a certain file format, right?

So like most video formats, there's a codec to it.

Like MP4, it's just like how that is packaged so you can interpret how something packaged.

So Dolby Admost packages its data in a certain way.

It's how they interpret it.

I wonder why Windows got rid of that.

That, of all things, feels like something that they would keep.

Is it a licensing fee thing?

Like, they were like, we're not paying them anymore, so we'll just not put it in.

It has to be.

I guarantee you.

Because it probably was like a dollar per Windows license or something like that.

Or maybe even a few cents.

And they were like, oh,

no,

no

way.

So, yeah.

That's all I get.

I mean, I have many more interesting things.

Way, did you figure out any other bald things you want to talk about?

Boy, no.

All right.

This episode is brought to you by Welch's Fusions, the newest drop from Welch's Fruit Snacks.

We've got to warn you about the consequences of eating Welch's Fusions.

It's like three dudes hanging out on a rooftop talking about the future.

Three dudes hanging out on a rooftop installing solar panels to provide a sustainable future.

Three dudes on a roof installing solar panels so that they can power their computers and record their brilliant idea for a podcast.

Pretty awesome consequences, if you ask me.

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New Welch's Fusions, please use responsibly.

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It's important, right?

And I'm not just talking about fresh breath.

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I just, I'm the person who can't help but chew.

You put up an a mint in your mouth, you're supposed to suck on it.

I'm like,

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This episode is brought to you by Uber.

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And Uber knows that.

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Well, shall we move on to my game?

I mean, my topic.

The greatest listener game that anyone's ever listened to.

Guys, we're doing a new tier list.

Everyone always loves tier.

Yes.

Oh!

We haven't in a while.

No.

Are we not?

Wait, is that a joke?

God, I was actually excited.

Well, come on, man.

You were excited for a tier list?

I was excited.

Yeah.

Shit Bonnie's S tier.

Shit Bonnie's S tier.

I enjoy tier lists.

I like tier list.

Our stupid audience doesn't like like it.

I will say, I said it.

Tier lists and the subreddit are written down on my notes for this episode idea, but we'll get to those.

Interesting.

Stupid, smelly, on-my-side audience.

Yeah, wait, Wade, wait, wait.

That's why they're on my side.

They don't know any better.

Oh, I see.

I see.

Right.

Okay.

This game is called Let's Get Deep.

And that's right, Wade.

I'm stealing your philosophy.

I know philosophy has exclusively been your purview on this show.

Oh, I thought you were stealing my pickup lines that didn't work.

Philosophy is better.

Is that a pickup line you've tried before?

Let's get deep.

Never works.

What's the best case scenario of that?

Yes.

Got it.

Okay.

Yes.

Wow.

Yeah.

Yeah, well, I can see why it doesn't work then.

Anyway, the premise is simple.

I put all the work on your guys' plates, and I'll just sit here and laugh at it.

I'm going to say, let's get deep about blank.

And I have a whole list of things.

And then I want you guys to give me your best deep philosophical take about whatever thing that I've given you.

These might all be things that we've talked about on previous episodes.

They might be topics that I'm literally just stealing from episodes we've done.

So you might, hopefully, you'll have thoughts about them.

Maybe you'll have references.

Maybe it will be awful.

I'm just interested to see how deep you guys are.

And it's allowed to be like the kind of deep that you get when you're drunk, sitting on the floor of your friend's apartment at three in the morning.

Okay.

So is this supposed to replicate that meme with Jesse and Walter White, where Jesse's like, you know, you know, showers aren't a thing.

And Walter White's like, what are you talking about?

What the fuck are you talking about, Jesse?

You know, you know that meme?

You know the meme?

Kind of, yeah.

No.

Come on.

Come on, guys, please.

Memes.

No, I know the meme.

It's kind of supposed to replicate that.

Yeah.

Okay.

All right.

Okay.

So we're the showers guys?

Yeah.

Okay.

You guys take showers.

No,

the shower was an exam.

I was a bad example.

I can pull up.

Wait, no, I'll pull up the meme.

Hang on.

Jesse Walter meme.

Make sure to show it to our listeners.

No, I'm going to read it out loud for them.

Oh, good boy.

Okay, I got first one that came up.

Yo, Mr.

White, this scene isn't actually like this.

God fucking damn it.

What do you mean, it's an anti-meme?

Fuck me.

Like in the actual show, the conversation doesn't go this way.

You don't actually say, Jesse, what the fuck are you talking about?

Jesse, what the fuck are you talking about?

Okay, hold on.

Hold on.

No, I'm there with you.

I can see it.

Nothing's better than reading memes aloud for people at home.

This is how memes were meant to be consumed.

At least you're reading them in different voices so we know which character is which.

Okay, here we go.

Yo, Mr.

White.

Fuck.

You want to know what I've just realized?

What is it now, Jesse?

Okay, so we've been sitting here for weeks discussing weird D and D concepts, but we've been in this diner for a while now, and I'm getting mad hungry.

Fuck, that's actually a good point, Jesse.

Waiter, could we get a pair of coffees and some blueberry pancakes for table four?

Why am I only getting the anti-mes?

What the fuck is this?

What the fuck?

I'm enjoying this very much.

Yo, could we get a pair of coffees?

Yo, Mr.

White, a year should have 13 months.

What?

I literally can't read the rest because it's fucking two-pixel JPEG and there's too much text.

I'm not lying.

This is all that's coming up.

Oh, listeners, you guys getting this?

I'll show you this one.

Guys, I have a new idea for today's episode.

I want you guys to just find the best memes you can and read them and describe them for the listeners.

I need to show you this because it is just, it's so fucking...

this is how big it was

if we had 10 13 months instead of 12 every month would be

30 days exactly 30 days no 28 days oh yeah then first

would always be a Monday

and the

would uh

be a

Sunday.

Is that true?

Wait, is that actually true?

I have no idea if that's true.

I don't even know what you said.

The first of the month would always be a Monday, and the 28th, the last day of the month would always be a Sunday.

Wait, 28 times 13.

Oh, interesting.

That's how math works, right?

Well, that's because seven times, yeah, seven days.

Yes, 28 divides by seven, so that would be.

So 28 times 13 would be 364 days, right?

And I think I've heard of this before, where they make New Year's Day its own separate day.

Oh, it doesn't have a month.

It's just a day?

It doesn't have a month.

It doesn't have a day of the week.

It is just New Year's Day.

Damn.

I've heard of this, this idea, and I'm like, hey, actually, that's not a bad idea.

And then leap day comes along as like the antithesis for New Year's Day.

And it's some weird nebulous day.

If New Year's Day is just a day, it can be however long we want.

Maybe New Year's Day is 24 hours and 18 seconds long and so you just absorb leap day into new year's day for the time recalibration there all right i'm gonna go deep on this yes i know this isn't no i like this is exactly basically what i meant probably here's the thing people

need to understand that days months we made them up no There's no law that says things need to be divided by months, days, even minutes or seconds.

That's just something we all agreed on as a level of time.

You remove all that and most people would fall apart because they can't have, they need the structure.

And if you pull away the structure beneath their feet, they would collapse into a puddle.

We could have 13, 28 day months.

Everything could start on Monday.

We could have 18 day weeks and that would be the normal.

28, 13 day months.

That also is a possibility.

That would be fun.

That'd be interesting.

That would be interesting.

Yeah.

And it's like, all of it doesn't even really coincide with the seasons that are natural anyway, but the seasons aren't even the same for everybody.

Australia's seasons are upside down.

Snow goes up.

It's fucking weird.

That's true.

Whenever they open their freezers, they've got to be real careful.

Their ceilings are going to get covered in snow.

That's true.

And their clocks spin in the opposite direction.

That's true.

It's true.

Yeah, actually.

And that's why they don't say Ronoir.

They say all narr.

Poop comes out their mouth.

Ronoir indeed.

Do I get a point?

What does Ronoir mean?

Oh, yeah, you you got points for that.

Okay, cool.

There are points in there.

Yeah, what does Ronoir mean?

Ah, Nar, but American.

Arnar?

Ronoir?

Is that the Australian shining?

Ronoir!

Ronoir!

I guess it'd be Ronoir.

That would be Ronar.

I don't know how backwards.

The mothers closes the mirror and it just says R.

Nar.

Ronar.

Ron, Ron.

Ron,

Rar.

Ron, Rar.

No, Ron, Ron, Ron.

We need to talk, Ron.

Damn it, Ron.

R.

Why is R backwards so hard for me?

I don't know.

You made it up.

You did the thing.

It's your thing.

Ron, Ra, Ron, Ra.

Points?

I don't know who gets points for any of this, but this is what I was hoping would happen.

Good, good.

I don't know even what did happen.

Somehow we got to Jesse Pinkman, and now we're in Australia.

We got there because Mark understood the assignment.

And so, anyway, I have a list of things that I want you guys to get deep about.

Give me some deepness, some depth, even.

It doesn't have to be like Mariana's Trench, but as deep as you dare to go.

Let's get deep about.

And Wade, you can go first since Mark's killing it right now.

Okay.

Let's get deep about the Ginger Dead Man.

All right.

The Ginger Dead Man has come up recently again.

The Ginger Dead Man.

I just brought him up.

Even before this, it came up on stream for me the other day.

I don't know why.

The Ginger Dead Man has stuck around and become such a thing.

And its origins, relatively simple.

It's just a holiday horror monster guy that, to me, wasn't that great.

He was a little bit divisive and definitely derisive.

And yet there's something just fun about the pun.

I feel like if we're going to talk about why the Ginger Dead Man is stuck around, it's because Gingerbread, Ginger Dead, the Bread Dead pun is just, it's golden.

You know, it's a golden pun.

Whenever one of us comes up with a pun, we're like, oh, we got to share our pun.

And then we hate everyone else's pun.

Yeah.

But Ginger Dead, for whatever reason, is a pun we all accept is a good one.

And therefore, we overlook the kind of shittiness that is the Ginger Dead Man movie because we're like, Ginger Dead Man.

What a fun thing to say.

Dead?

Bread.

Got it.

I see what you're getting at.

Yeah.

It is a good pun.

You're right.

Was that your point?

Yeah.

I figured we were starting a conversation.

I didn't want to hijack the whole thing unless I'm supposed to hijack the whole thing.

You could hijack it.

I mean, you're trying to beat each other, so you don't have to set Mark up, but I feel like you offered him an entree.

Mark, give me something deep about the ginger dead man.

If baked goods can come to life by putting them in an oven, then is cremation a form of necromancy?

Where is the life coming from in this fire right because you got the ginger dead man which suggests that any baked good could become thing i mean in the world of ginger dead man you've got living bongs i'm not going to go there but you could go into there i'm going to go in there we're going in there glass blowing is another form of heat creating life yep with this living bong right

so in this universe heat makes life right yeah That's the rule that we just established.

Okay.

So then what this suggests is that heat is the source of life.

This is the most true form of Gaia, the living earth, right?

Because Gaia at its core is nothing but molten heat.

Therefore, in the ginger dead man universe, which gingerbread is basically just bread.

With ginger in it.

What is gingerbread made of?

It's a cookie.

You take ginger and bread, right?

You take ginger and wheat.

What's wheat from?

The earth, right?

You grow it out of the earth.

Ginger is a root-based thing.

It's from the earth, right?

Yep.

And then you put heat in it and it makes life.

The earth in this universe is alive.

Okay, can I ask you a question?

No.

Okay.

All right.

Go ahead.

All right.

So heat creates life.

This is a weird take on this.

Yeah.

But like during the normal creation of life process, we call sex.

Mitosis.

The powerhouse of the cell, right?

Yours, you can have it.

It's fine.

If heat is the primary creator of life, then like the sperm and egg don't even matter.

So if you just had like more friction, less lube, would you create more life?

Probably.

Yes.

I think so.

I believe so.

Okay.

That's it.

That was my question.

All right.

So the Ginger Dead Man, one, he's an ugly son of a bitch.

But the baked goods

glass blowing thing.

We're defining life as anything that's like, what, a unique, created, existing thing?

It doesn't have to have any kind of like...

I think we're defining life as anything that got hot.

Approximately.

How alive you are is determined by your hotness.

We all know this to be true.

That's fine.

I'm less alive than I used to be, and I was never very alive then.

Oh, come on.

Come on.

Come on.

No, it's fine.

Come on.

Come on.

I feel like we've really settled it there.

I don't know.

I don't know what's to add to Ginger Dead Man.

I feel like.

I have like 20 things we can talk about.

This doesn't have to be long.

I think we got very deep there.

I think we had some deep thoughts.

I think that was a nice moment.

Mark, you can go first on this one.

Okay.

Let's get deep about Herms.

You guys remember Herms?

The statue?

The penis statue.

It's your head and it's a penis.

And it's in memorial of you after you've died or gotten cold, presumably.

I think what Herms suggest,

and it might be true.

Besides fingerprints, I guess.

I'm getting ahead of my own conclusion.

You will see where I was going with by saying fingerprints.

The only identifying features that separate us from another person next to us is our head and our penis or genitals in general.

Did they do, they did they do female herms?

I actually don't know.

We should go deeper on that.

I'm looking, I'm looking.

But if you think about it, isn't that kind of true?

Because the head is not only the face, which is the outward

understanding of who we are as a person.

And I know some people are like, hey, there are people out there that don't have faces.

And I would say, hey, there aren't many people out there that don't have heads.

I'm going to make a bold claim, much like my sleeping claim of like people or laying down claim about how, like, I challenge anyone who doesn't like laying down.

Yada yada.

There aren't many people that don't have a head, right?

And so your brain is in there.

So that's the inner you.

And then the face is there, which is what we most commonly understand as the outer you.

And then you have the genitals, which I guess outside of the template of human

is like, that's, I guess, ours.

And it's the way that we blast future us into the universe, right?

So if you think about it, Herms is the truest distillation of us, of our identity, besides the fingerprints.

You see what I was going for there?

They didn't know about those back then in 1860.

Yeah, they didn't know about DNA or fingerprints or any other biological markers.

It was your face, your brain, and your junk.

Your junk, yeah.

That's all they had to go with.

Apparently, there are female Herms.

I can't seem to find any examples where the females'

lower parts are represented in the same way that they just slap dicks onto the male herms.

So I'm not sure.

I'm not sure.

It seems like it started with male, and then maybe around the Renaissance or so, they started to female.

Someone was like, hey, can you do my wife?

And the sculptors were like, yeah.

Oh.

How do we chisel?

Wait, how do we chisel?

Ah, I'm going to need to see your wife.

And the guy was like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, just look at her face.

Just look at her face.

Do your best all right oh whoa i'm gonna need to see your wife how does that sound

i didn't think so boys i gotta go for a minute no you have to get deep about herms listen my my my fridge water broke now's the time i gotta go just getting on a roll i know i know i'm sorry but when you gotta go you gotta go you know This fridge delivery, I very explicitly said, please deliver Friday.

Well, how long could it take to install a fridge, really?

I might not have to go.

They just left it in a cardboard box on the driveway.

And they just left.

That's true.

They literally just left.

It's delivered.

Done.

Do you want this inside?

Or is this not a driveway fridge?

I just looked at the model and I assume driveway fridge.

What we talked about, herms?

Herms.

Herms.

Yeah, Herms.

Yeah.

Yeah, so Herms.

I think the one thing missing from Herms are butt cheeks.

I think they should have little butt cheeks on the back as well.

Or big butt cheeks.

Some people have big.

The thought of little tiny ones are funnier to me on the herms.

Only people with small butts can have a herm.

That might be true.

Because then it's still just the block of marble flat on the back.

So, yeah.

That's what mine would look like.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Maybe.

The part of the herm that matters isn't the part that's detailed.

But, you know, the head and the penis are very detailed, but then there's just smooth stone.

And maybe what we should be focusing on is the fact that everyone's got a head that looks different and a unique penis.

It's what's in between.

That's where the bulk of the creation actually is.

Most of the sculpture isn't those two parts.

Those two parts had the time spent to detail them out.

Which is stupid.

But like the rest of it is what encompasses the entirety of the herm.

Maybe it's because most of things, like the universe, right?

Very few parts of the universe either have life compared to its whole, but the whole universe is important, even though we focus on planets and suns, black holes, living things, aliens.

But there's so much more that we don't focus on because it just doesn't seem like as much, but it's there.

I get what you're saying.

We can optimize the herm.

Why have that in the first place?

Bring those junks up, put them right at the neck, save some space.

Hey, they make busts.

Why not herm musts?

Pinusts.

Why not her husts?

You know?

The hust.

Yeah.

I mean, marble can't be cheap.

So, you know, you could save a lot.

What if, like, someone, you know, it didn't really matter as much, but, you know,

you want the discount.

Preserve their memory.

Let me know who they were.

You know.

Think about for our own selves.

If we were able to have some kind of surgery where we just remove the neck, the chest, the bowels,

and we just went straight from head to penis.

Yeah.

We would be very optimized.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I think so.

Cut out a lot of waste.

Yeah, absolutely.

Yeah.

Our food could go directly into sperm.

No in between.

It's the only thing you need.

All right.

I think we really dug deep on that one.

That's exactly what I knew would happen.

Well, I was going to save this for later, but it seems so pertinent now.

Wade, let's get deep about refrigerators.

Man, I've never really thought too much about refrigerators because in my life, they were the containers of food that needed to be preserved.

Ice cream.

Love ice cream.

That's really more of a freezer, but yeah.

But like the fridge itself was always an afterthought.

It was just a device, a means to an end.

And then we did the episode Bob's Fridge, which we have video of that we will never share.

It's very private video that's just for us to enjoy.

Do we have video of that?

I was actually naked because of the rage.

So we can't, we can't share that.

His shoes were long gone.

Interesting film that's stored forever in the hidden distractible archive.

But it got me thinking and I was like, you know, refrigerators exist.

They have parts and components.

They can break.

They can be dented.

I think back to the fridge near the pool that we have when I was a kid growing up at the old house that get the Coke cans just cold enough to where they would mostly freeze, but still have a tiny bit of liquid.

And they tasted so good when they were that ice cold.

And, you know, you can decorate your fridge with magnets.

You hang up like artwork and different things on refrigerators.

Refrigerators really hold more of a special beacon in a household than I think we acknowledge on a day-to-day basis.

We think about their function and not necessarily the fact that it's a giant thing that sits there that we look at, we open, we use every day.

And on top of that, you can put an entire lifetime of photos and things on a refrigerator that you, even if you're not looking at it directly, like the photos and things you put on there, like you see them.

You're periphery, they're there.

And you're reminded of whatever parts of life you want to remember and think about if you decorate your fridge that way.

And a lot of people do.

But even the device itself and all of its parts and components are interesting they're unique they're changing you know you've the old refrigerators newer models mini fridges beer fridges the old fridge you toss in the garage almost a time machine of in many ways because also you have the contents of your fridge i don't know how often you guys go through and clear out your refrigerator or refrigerators i don't know as often as i should occasionally you'll find a thing in the freezer that's like

man even in a freezer i don't think that's still good but it's like you might remember when you bought a certain thing like maybe it's a product that's no longer even on the shelves I think refrigerators are just a good way to think back, to reminisce, and remember parts of life, shopping trips, things you eat, don't eat, uh, people that have come and gone in your life.

They're a lot more important in a household than just storing items.

Oh, you're raising your hand.

Sorry, I was looking at my handwriting.

Uh, Mark, yeah, Mark, fridges are the lungs of society of civilization.

Let me explain.

If you held your breath long enough,

how soon would you die?

A couple days.

Wait, no, hold on.

Wait, back up.

No, talk about lungs.

Lungs.

No, you're not holding your fridge.

I hold my breath.

I don't use a lot of oxygen.

I'm very efficient.

Go on.

Wait, what?

How long can you hold your breath?

I mean, I've never tried it.

I just assume, you know,

solid,

solid 50, 55 hours.

Okay.

All right.

Anyway, well, okay.

Without air, you die quick.

Okay, right?

You're afraid it does?

He's just getting started.

Oh, okay.

okay.

Oh, get warmed up.

They're the lungs of civilization, right?

So your lungs take an air, right?

Pull in air.

You take that in.

The oxygen is what you need, right?

Without oxygen, you die real quick, right?

Days, yeah.

If society collapses, people will realize how much the fridges were the lungs of civilization.

Because without fridges, we're all dead.

And this may sound like a joke, but it's so true.

Because if you can't keep food cold, you can't preserve things, right?

you can't you got canned goods you can kind of keep those long but without the fridge to keep your things cold cold on demand it was not a thing people had right and none of them survived cold on demand is what keeps society going all those fridges in the stores that are keeping deep coolers deep refrigerators if fridges are gone we're gone it's not just about memory it's about life if they are the lungs Okay, or maybe there's a different they're the heart.

No, that would be too quick.

I think life started on Earth when the first fridge landed it did i said civilization and society okay i didn't say humanity i said of civilization that's why it was called the icebox age

there you got me i'm with you man

but if you see what i'm saying you see what i'm saying

fridges are our weakness they're the weak link in society if they're gone if we run out of freon how how soon are we of running out of Freon?

Our country is built on Freon.

Shut up.

This is my turn.

He's getting all the points.

He's still looking at all the points.

There's a limited number of points, just like the Freom.

Freema, what's the word?

Freon.

What's the catchphrase?

Live Freon or die hard?

I'm pretty sure it's live Freon and drive cars.

Oh, man.

Freon's being phased out.

Oh, man.

Haven't you seen what the new administration administration is doing?

We're almost out of Freon already.

They can take on ovens, but they'll never take our Freon.

Ooh, you know what's being replaced by?

Puron.

Oh, man.

That doesn't sound good.

I'm telling you, look, it's well, Freon was

made in first in like the 1930s or something like that.

1920.

Blonde particle with blue glow.

glows.

Save some for me, man.

I'm just lobbing him softballs.

He's smacking them right out of the par.

What the fuck?

It's not a water particle.

It's an

Aerion particle.

All right, that wasn't that good.

That one wasn't as good.

Anyway, could have been.

I'm going to start taking points away if you cut into Mark's time, but mess it up like that.

Fuck.

Anyway, so yeah, Fridge's lungs.

We die if we don't have, we don't realize how close we are to dying or whatever.

Coin flip.

Saw it.

I saw two.

I saw that one as it happened.

Take a look at two of these.

Whoa, peace?

Are you wanting to

later?

That's different.

That's different.

Take a look at this.

Nice.

That was good deepness.

That was very deep.

That was deep.

Tastic.

Which one's more offensive to you of the middle fingers?

Is it this?

This?

This.

Don't do that.

Get that out of here.

When does it become offensive?

Wait.

Wade put up his ring finger.

Wait, when are you offended?

When are you offended?

When are you offended?

Let me know.

Let me know.

Let me know.

Offended.

Ah, right there.

Okay, so this is the optimal offensive.

Not yet.

It kind of looks like a little penis.

That's

the most offensive middle finger.

Okay, listeners.

All right, so my middle finger is slightly elevated, not fully straight.

My ring and pointer finger are equally but kind of hunched, like a guy vomiting.

Thumb is kind of up and out.

It looks like he's doing a shitty version of the claw from Liar Liar.

Yeah, yeah.

Middle finger and pinky are making like an 85 degree.

It's annoyingly not 90.

And it's all like I'm holding some kind of a thing.

You're changing the light bulb right now.

Yeah.

Imagine a witch putting a curse on somebody with her long fingers out in a weird, creepy way.

And then I hold my hand in a way that all the other fingers are more hidden, but kind of not.

That's offensive.

It's like you're eating an apple, but also you're telling someone to F off.

Apple.

Picked up an apple that was already

eaten.

So you got grabbed by the core with your pinky and thumb and then wrap around the top, but there's that part that's bitten out.

And then you got the stem right on your middle finger up top.

It's a long stem.

Apple.

Been there.

How many apples I've picked up off tables in the food court?

Had to hold like that.

But for a free apple,

got it.

Yes, apple.

Yes.

What is that from?

I remember that as a thing that Wade does and nothing else.

I don't remember.

I do that.

It all started with a reference to the witch from Snow White presenting the apple where she's like, I got the hood up.

And it's like, would you accept an apple from someone who looked like old and creepy and hunched, wearing a hood of all darkness?

Then they just approached you you like,

you're like, oh, yeah, thanks.

Oh, fuck.

Yeah, I mean, why didn't she come down as the queen?

I don't know.

I would have accepted royal apples.

You know, because I feel like you would be like, wow, a royal person is giving me an apple.

A queen apple?

Holy shit.

Thank you, Your Majesty.

Like, they would all know, right?

Is she known as the evil queen in that universe to begin with, though?

Is that the thing?

Because she's the evil queen, right, in the story.

But is she the evil queen before she does that to Snow White?

Or does she become the evil queen?

Is she the one that turns into a dragon?

Dragon D's nuts.

Give me some points, man.

Be better.

I don't know, man.

Have some good cut-ins of your own.

Don't be so jealous of mine.

How did Donkey and that dragon from Shrek make babies?

Penis, vagina, sperms.

They had alternate forms of herms where they were very similar.

Have you ever heard the phrase hung like a donkey?

No, actually.

I haven't.

It's a thing.

It's out there.

But that,

even so, the size discrepancy.

I imagine the dragon had to hover at the edge of a cliff and then donkey ran full speed and at the last moment pulled up and then just...

Why is that necessary?

Why is that part of the equation?

You asked the question I was answering.

Why is there a cliff?

Why at the edge of a cliff?

What does the cliff have to do with anything?

To lower

herself.

What?

What?

Is she hanging off the edge?

She can fly.

She's a dragon.

Why is she flying?

Why does she need to fly it?

Because she's a dragon, Mark.

Keep up.

Duh.

All right.

Wade's been really jumping all over Mark's stuff.

Wade's been really stealing a lot of points.

I got one.

That's right.

Mark, you get to go first this time.

Oh, okay.

I want you to get deep about

camera lenses.

All right, let me jump in.

Oh, I thought you were going to say how Donkey made a baby.

How Donkey and Dragon figured out how to do it.

Okay, what was it?

Lenses?

Camera lenses.

Or any kind of lens, really.

Sorry.

I don't know what came over me.

Wow.

Mark just gets really worked up about camera lenses, I think.

I just got excited.

Finally, it's my chance.

All right.

The whole concept of lenses kind of boils down to glass, right?

How lucky are we in this universe, like universally lucky, that it just so happened that we melted sand and it was clear?

That must have been mind-blowing.

For the first person that melted glass down in a fire that was hot enough to do that, the first human just must have been like,

you know, like to see, to see a fucking just

glass, that was crazy.

Because the only other thing transparent of the, okay, there was water, I guess you could kind of see through water, but that was liquid, right?

Well, okay, glass is a liquid, but they wouldn't have known that, right?

No, they couldn't have known that.

Yeah, so the concept-oh, for the people that don't know, glass is just an extremely slow-moving liquid, apparently.

And they've done experiments of this where they had like a piece of a low-viscosity glass.

Glass is just the ice of sand

broken.

It really did.

Oh, man, watching Mark Break.

I mean, listening to Mark Break in real time.

Because I was trying to follow, and I went like, no,

it really was error, error, error.

That must have been nuts, right?

Lenses, as like just the fact that you're taking this.

Sand is so crazy for humanity.

Sand has been so good to us.

It makes computer chips.

It makes

glasses.

Lenses.

Darth Vader.

sandpaper, all these things.

Beaches, sandbox,

yes.

I'm going to say yes.

Dessert with one S.

It fills tacos from Taco Bell.

There's sand in those.

Orifices, you go to the beach.

You're getting sand in there.

So, lenses coming out of all that harkens back to that first time.

I think we all see how my point connects.

You filmed your first time?

Is that what I'm getting?

God, I hope not.

I hope not.

I really hope not.

All right, Wayne.

If you could, if you can, if you even know enough, can you get deep about camera lenses?

Oh, of course.

I mean, I don't know when the first photograph was taken.

1963.

That feels wrong, but I'm going to choose to believe you.

All right, if I look up and give you the right answer, would it be, would you believe it?

You're going to counter our host?

Our host is correct.

Okay, it was 1717.

That's what I said.

That's what Bob said.

You want to know how?

I'm assuming with glass.

No.

Does this count tinty or whatever?

Is this that kind of stuff?

No.

Apparently, Johann Heinrich Schulz used a light-sensitive slurry to capture images of cut-out letters on a bottle.

Huh.

A bottle made of...

Oh,

sand ice.

Still had to have glass.

Anyway, these are photograms, so I guess they're not photographs.

Oh, I love photograms.

They're the little teddy bears.

They have cinnamon.

Oh, he went on to develop the daguerreotype.

Come on, Mark.

Leave some points for me.

All right.

I'll give you a point if you can pronounce this name.

Say it fucking luck.

No one pronouns it.

Say it to me and I'll pronounce it.

No, hang on.

I'm going to put it in the chat.

Hold on.

I'm putting it in the chat.

All right.

You're going to give me a point?

Bob.

I don't know.

Mark points might be worth more.

Pronounce that name.

Nicofore Niepce.

I'm pretty sure it's Niepce.

Niepchi?

Niepchi?

Niechi.

And it'd probably be Niche.

Nichipore Niepchi.

Nichipore Niepce.

Nichipore Niepce.

That's definitely right.

He's from France, so more French.

Oh, Nichipore Niepce.

Nice four, Nieps.

Damn, damn.

So French here.

Oh,

yeah.

Pretty French.

All right, I'm sorry.

I'm done interrupting.

Oh, man.

It's so hard giving my point when I get interrupted all the time.

So it's like being you guys.

I knew you couldn't do it.

Wade loses this one.

Wade forfeits.

Mark wins camera lenses.

Yes!

But I had.

Okay.

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One more.

I have a bunch left, but one more.

There's a rule about this one, and it might feel unfair.

Oh, shit.

Oh, wait.

All right.

Well, I guess we're doing the thing.

I didn't know the host could call unfair, but here we are.

Anyone can do it.

I'm not sure what the outcome of this will be, but hopefully nothing.

All right.

I guess we don't play this round if it's declared to be unfair.

Let's find out.

Huh?

I.

Mine is tails.

Okay, I got tails.

Oh.

Oh, fuck.

Oh, no.

Wade.

Oh, God.

What does that mean?

Wait, wait, wait.

Wait, wait.

So

I declared unfair.

And you lost.

And I lost.

So it will be made doubly...

Fair.

What I declared unfair was this category.

So to make it doubly fair.

All points in this round are doubled?

Only the points from this category count in the game?

Oh, fuck.

Oh, that would.

I mean, you're the host.

Is that doubly fair?

I guess so.

That would be...

Okay.

All right.

Fuck.

All right.

So much shit written down.

Careful what you wish for.

All right.

Holy shit.

That's the first time we've gotten three of the the same one in a while.

Yeah, that's been a while.

Okay, so only the points from this category count.

I'm so ready for who wins this game.

I'm glad that happened.

That was very much on purpose.

I feel like this is an advantage for me.

Yeah, Mark, you're going to really like this one.

Who gets to go first on this?

Wade gets to go first on this.

Mark, let Mark go first.

I can interrupt a bunch.

No, Wade.

Wade's got this.

Okay, I'll go first.

You can still interrupt if you go second.

Oh, good boy.

Wade, you go first.

I want you to get deep about two-sentence horror stories.

Oh, fuck, go off, man.

What the fuck?

Okay.

What the fuck?

I told you it seemed like it was unfair.

God damn it.

It's almost like the last one was, too.

But it's so fair.

The rule is you have to get deep in two-sentence statements.

Oh.

All right.

I didn't fucking need to do the code flip.

I'm so sorry, Mark.

Oh, no, it's just sentences, right?

We don't have to make the story.

No, it doesn't have to be, yeah.

It doesn't have to be a horror story.

I'm not giving you a sentence you have to finish.

I just want you to get deep about two-sentence horror stories in the form of two-sentence statements.

All right, okay.

Since the dawn of time, horror has been a major influence and part of our culture.

Two-sentence horror stories took that to a whole new level by making it partly comedic as well as maintaining some of the spookiness and scariness to it, thereby making it even better.

Fucking thereby.

God damn.

All right.

That's right.

Okay, I got this.

A master of the vernacular.

Ready?

Good.

Get him.

Get him, Mark.

Brevity.

Ah!

Wait, I didn't need to cut in.

That was so short.

I didn't even get a chance.

Damn it, you're learning.

Can we only go once on this?

Is that all we get?

We can go back and forth.

We keep going.

I like this.

Let's keep going.

All right, okay.

Oh, can I just stop?

I feel like if I stop there, I might have an advantage.

I don't know.

No, no, no.

I gotta have an opportunity to cut in.

Our podcast over the years has had a lot of interesting and fun topics and episodes.

Two-sentence horror stories being one that one of us maybe struggled with a little bit more than the others has got to be toward the top of the list and thereby making it.

You can't just stand thereby.

You only get one thereby point for game.

Calm down.

That wasn't listed in the rules.

The only rule was two sentences.

Well, you said and thereby.

I think if we typed that one out, there would have been a period and and started your next sentence.

And thereby.

You don't start a sentence with and, but you're kind of monster, are you?

You can do whatever you want because sentences are just things that we made up.

I choose not to i don't know if that was deep that was just obvious and factual hold on we're gonna talk about deep brevity ah it's very deep i said it's like the ultimate installation in two words he said everything you're lucky you've already called unfair

In two words, he said it all.

Two words, two sentences.

I don't even know if you can have two sentences with less than two words.

Terror, thy name is Breveth.

Mark, back to you.

All right.

That wasn't the start of it.

Wow.

Well said.

Hark!

Hear mine words, oh simpletons of the land that do reap mine.

Fucking go.

No, I've trapped myself.

I'm sucking a well.

I'm sucking a well.

It's so dark down here.

These are not sentences.

It's all one.

I'm so panicked.

I can't stop.

Isn't Hark a sentence?

But when they look for me in the well, I'm already dead.

how many sentences was isn't hark in and of itself an exclamation hark is an exclamation that isn't a sentence on itself

hark damn it only one sentence left oh this is it i better continue it very carefully oh man glad i stuck that landing

i don't think we need to go anymore i think that's deep enough i don't know i feel like mark's just getting warmed up i think one more would be great for him no Hark.

Shut up.

Terror and comedy are like the sweet and sour of our souls.

Why didn't you say that in your sentences?

I'm saying it now.

Oh.

Oh.

My air conditioner just like blasted.

So, anyway, I started blasting.

Hark.

I started blasting.

I say two harks.

All right.

Let's stop.

Everyone stop.

The points are in.

Mark, you earned points for heating like a child.

Rock candy, delicious.

Windows removed Atmos.

You're watching in whoosh, Atmos.

I wrote down all the sound effects you did.

Yo, Mr.

White.

We made them up.

Ovens are just Gaia.

You optimized penises and herms.

The shoes were long gone.

You figured out what the most offensive finger was.

Sand

is just ice of glass.

That's my joke, but you had the best reaction to it.

There's so French in here.

Brevity.

Ah.

And also,

when they finally looked for me in the well, I was already dead.

Which is written mostly on Wade's side of the scorecard.

Wade, you earned points for basketball, man.

Running lines.

Bald.

Headband.

Making fun of the listeners.

Got him.

Run, raw.

Run raw.

Run.

Roy.

Roy.

Run Roy.

Roy run.

Roy.

Roy.

Roy Roy Raw.

Or whatever the fuck you said.

You've also got points for dead bread.

Dead bread dead.

Dead.

Bread dead.

Bread.

Dead.

Dead bread.

Bread.

Dead bread.

I don't know why I wrote it like that, but we all remember.

You got points for pointing at yourself and just going, ugly.

Did you do that?

Or did I imagine that?

You earned points for your driveway fridge, refrigerator.

Nope, no idea.

Something about a refrigerator.

Oh, Icebox Age.

Our country was built on Freons.

Blonde particle blue glow.

You got a thereby and a second thereby point.

You also got a I'm saying it was point.

And you also got a dragon over the edge of the cliff doing it with donkey point.

You did get minus one point for being the only person to only one time comment on the fact that I was just randomly flipping this coin during the episode.

Mark never said a thing about it, and I wasn't doing anything other than flipping the coin to see if anyone would react.

And when you did one time, point it out that that was minus one point.

Unfortunately, almost none of those points count for anything.

And the final score of points that actually matter is three to three.

It's a good thing I documented all that.

Uh-huh.

Well, I'm happy about it.

It was very good.

Great use of a coin.

I wish that that had been on purpose, but I'm just stupid.

You just went all in with how unfair.

And I was like, oh, he wants this.

I literally was like, I should try and bait them into saying it.

I baited myself into saying it.

How many bonus points?

Zero.

I hope it's one.

It's three.

What a surprise!

What?

Unbeliefable.

Most interruptions of the other player.

Oh, hell yeah.

That definitely favors me.

I interrupt you guys all the time.

That's true.

All right.

We got three spins of this bad boy.

Let's boogie.

Golf rules.

Baldest.

All right.

Well, sorry, Mark.

Alan's kind of...

If I rip my hair out right now, would that count?

I would give it to you.

Probably, because I got a little bit of like a...

Yeah, I'm not going to do it.

I'm not going to do it.

I would never do it.

I've got an 8 p.m.

shadow showing.

Wait, gets the first one with baldest baldest again

oh thank god

if the coin has not been flipped flip and apply the last contentious thing

holy crap wow was that even baldest

i love that that's on there it's really unfortunate that i accidentally burned the coin flip on the one time we're ever gonna land on that spin but here we go spin number two again

Maybe it should just be whether or not the coin has been used.

Most impressions, I think.

Oh, Mr.

White!

I think Mark gets that.

Mr.

White!

I only did one, and it was the I know this one, I think.

I have barely an impression to that point.

That's just your slogan.

How dare you?

Yo, Mr.

White.

What do you want, Jesse?

There was a lot of that.

Have you heard of a shower?

Oh, Jesse.

It's been number three.

Best comeback.

Okay, is this a comeback like score-wise or like a retort?

I was going to go either one, and I really want to give it to Mark's two-sentence horror story that started with, Hark,

sentence number two.

That's a comeback.

You saved it.

You turned that all the way into, and when they finally looked for me in the well, I was already dead.

Look, I appreciate your candor, but I don't think that's a comeback.

I think that's sticking the landing.

Which I did for sure, 100%.

Okay, okay.

You

you did something since we all got tied up i don't know if that qualifies score wise

uh

i can't think of any like really snappy comebacks we'd had some interruptions and some good one-liners but none of them were like not comebacks to comeback to mark the best i can think of is the dragon these nuts and i don't but if someone else did something else to that but that's still not that i don't know I'm gonna respin.

That's a respin.

We'll do a respin.

It's not definitive.

We don't want any wishy-washy bullshit.

Holy

god.

Oh, thank you.

All of that for the final spin to be sudden death.

It's a tie.

Oh, my God.

It's finally happened.

I have the numbers for the wheel because we actually spun it recently.

Because we did that recently.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

So I have the percentage or that out of 360.

All right.

I just want to show that this is.

I have documented that it is now a sudden death round.

Wow.

That's good.

What is the number supposed to be?

It was 91, now it's 98.

That's looking pretty chunky there.

That's pretty big.

That's beefy.

It's that's getting close to one-third of the wheel right now.

Nice.

I mean, the odds are so against it still.

Oh, wait, you gotta change Bob to Mark.

Oh, I could win.

That'd be fair enough.

No, no, not, not, not.

You can't declare unfair.

What are you gonna do?

Mark Wade wins.

Oh, my God.

All right, there we go.

Mark, Wade, or one-man show.

Wait, the weights turned off.

Hang on.

Wait a minute.

No, it was good.

It was good.

I liked it.

98's a lot, but I would like 98 more than I would like an equal one-third.

All right.

Here we go.

Mark, Wade, one-man show.

Boom.

Oh,

God.

Holy fuck.

Oh, not me.

Thank fuck.

Oh.

Oh, I'm feeling the same same way.

Oh.

Oh, well, now we gotta figure that out.

Oh, shit.

Can we spin the wheel to determine who has to make your one-man show?

Technically, it's supposed to be both you guys together.

Work with him?

He's my competitor.

All right.

Well, so the winner is both of you, I guess.

The loser is you, is how it all works.

No, you win a one-man show.

Yeah, you did win.

You get to host.

No, you guys host.

I just am the one-man show.

Unless Unless we just make you do it.

But I think we all need to be here.

That's not the deal.

The deal is that the people who are not the one-man show are supposed to make the show for the person to do.

Yeah.

I have done a one-man show that Tyler and Ethan wrote a full script of, and then I performed it on a stage.

You also did one here on Distractible that we wrote.

Could do that.

So we'll just have to decide what that is.

Congrats, Bob.

Hooray.

Do you guys want to give a joint winner speech, I guess?

We

go on.

That's two words.

I don't want to do this.

I don't want to do it, man.

You do it.

I don't want to do the same to it.

One.

No, don't make me do this.

Don't make me do this.

And no, no, I can't do it.

I just want to make my own feedback.

We.

R.

Grateful.

I want a T-word.

Thanks.

We did it.

Yeah, we did it.

We did it.

Bob, do you want to give a hoster speech?

I fucking don't.

Good episode.

That really worked out for the best for everybody, I think.

Thanks for watching and listening, and whatever you did, whatever you did made this happen.

So I really appreciate that.

Thanks, everybody.

I'm really trying not to be overly disappointed, but I'm not looking forward to whatever you guys are going to come up with for this.

I can't lie.

Your teen, adjective, used to describe an individual whose spirit is unyielding, unconstrained, one who navigates life on their own terms, effortlessly.

They do not always show up on time, but when they arrive, you notice an individual confident in their contradictions.

They know the rules, but behave as if they do not exist.

Mutine, the new fragrance by Mew Mew, defined by you.

It's okay, man.

I am sure it'll be fine.

Make sure you follow the show on your platform of choice.

Make sure you follow Mark Wade and myself on our channels.

And the next episode is going to be a one-man show performed by me, probably.

Unless I die.

And then we reset the thing to small again.

That's it.

See you on the next one.

I'm sure it will be fun for almost everybody who's there.

Tell the next one.

Podcast out.