Shame, Shame, Shame

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Good evening, gentle listeners or watchers, and welcome to Destractable.

This episode meets loving Mark, gives culinary tips, flips Chica, slams Sabrina, and identifies ignoble actions.

Witcher Wade endlessly pokes them all, tosses leaky Bob, accuses God, then targets Travis and NMS.

Blustering Bob smokes pork, blows hard carbon, bashes backpedaling, and slaps some sungy nights.

From directed jumping on podcasts to Hermione's cocks.

Yes!

It's time for

shame,

shame,

shame.

Now sit back and prepare to be distracted and enjoy the show.

Hi.

Welcome back to Distractible.

Yes, I switched to my radio voice.

No, I wasn't just talking like this a little bit ago.

But are my friends going to call me out on this?

No, they are not because they're my friends.

And you're my friends for listening to this or watching it.

Hi.

I'm Markiplier, here to bring you another beautiful episode of Distractible.

The only show that you'll ever need in your life and all the other ones that we're definitely above now in the rankings after my hit episode, Drama Alarm.

Did you see the thumbnail for that one?

Yes.

That's what we're like, Sam made me.

It's like the Joe Rogan person.

Call her bald made me laugh so hard.

Oh, man, there it is.

I saw I had blonde hair, and I was like, it's too, I can't look at this right now.

Oh, yeah.

What was it, baby expert or dad expert?

Dad expert.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I was actually surprised that the last episode, Drama Alarm, came across so well.

You guys were very funny, and I told you as much.

I thought it was good.

We definitely didn't go down three spots in the ranking since then.

That doesn't count because it hasn't the effect, the ripple of it.

Oh, right, right.

Those other podcasts are going to hear about it and they get angry.

And then that's going to feed back into us.

You know, any minute now, TMZ is going to pick up the article, Mark and Dak Shepard drama.

You know, it's coming.

Markiplier and friends shit on other creators.

Such a meteoric rise up the podcast charts will never have been seen before.

My strategy will play out.

And also, today is another extension of that, but I'll get to it later.

Oh, good.

What are you worried about?

Mark's 10-part marketing beef strategy.

No, no, no, no, no.

You'll get it.

But first, we gotta.

Oh, I gotta get out my point.

I just love the idea of slowly turning our podcast and careers into a nuclear explosion.

So when we go out, we go out in style.

We could do that.

What's up, Drama Larm Nation?

8% battery on my remarkable.

That's probably enough.

Just don't write too much.

Don't worry.

I won't.

Don't know how you guys are.

I agree.

Wade gets the agree point, which is weird because I think the last time I scored, I gave you an agree point and it subtracted a point.

Let me check that.

I think you gave him an agree point for agreeing with me and somehow it became my point.

Yeah, somehow.

Also, I wrote that on a piece of paper and not this thing, so I can't confirm that.

But wait, you got an agree point.

So, who wants to go first on their small talk?

I learned a new way to smoke meat this weekend.

Anyone want to hear about it?

But you roll it, then you light one in.

No, I was going to say bong.

No, I always thought to, so all I have is a charcoal grill, just a Weber kettle grill, basic one.

Well, it's not, it's whatever.

It's a grill.

And I always thought to smoke stuff, you had to like soak wood chips in water or put them in like a foil pouch or there's a whole situation.

My dad came to town this weekend and smoked a pork shoulder.

And turns out all you need is big fucking chunks of wood.

And if you put them on the charcoal, but then keep the lid on it and manage the air, they just don't ignite, but they smoke.

Anyway, my dad made the best smoked pulled pork shoulder I've had in a while this weekend, and it was real good.

Dude, homemade pulled pork.

So good.

I elevated my steak cooking method because lately I've been doing a higher protein diet,

trying to lose some weight and get in shape again.

It's going well.

Thanks for fucking asking.

I didn't ask.

Bobby, you're the source of my ire.

I'm giving you an ire point.

I'm glad you said something.

Coco told me you looked the same, but you already were mean.

Oh, I thought you were looking shorter.

Oh, no, you're losing height, not weight.

No, I so I've been cooking a lot of steaks.

Also, I've been getting really good at getting deals at the store.

You go right before closing or right after open and you wait, you watch.

The manager walks the floor with those coupons and the gun that prints out the clearance.

Who are you, me?

I'm going to get all the wheel bonus points this episode and I'm going to win.

You guys are fucking hell.

Jesus Christ.

Don't even try to compete with me.

Anyway, so you follow the manager around.

You wait for them to get to the meat section because obviously, like, meat's pretty expensive, right?

And I'm sorry to anybody that doesn't eat meat, but I do.

And it's, you know, if they, if they could, there, I've always said if there comes a day when they get artificial meat good as good as steaks or even close, and it's getting there, it's getting closer, I will do it.

But there was some information recently about how some of those protein profiles that they were talking about were not as good as they claim them to be.

But I got like at the equivalent of Kroger's out here a two-pack of

bone-in ribeye steaks for like $7.99 a pound.

They were going to expire in two days, and I scooped up two packs of that, froze two of them, and then I started cooking again.

And used to, I used to do them in the air fryer, right?

To the bane of everybody who loves a good steak, I would cook mine in the air fryer.

It wasn't bad, but with A1 sauce, anything can be good.

But I learned a new strategy recently:

I pop it in the air fryer at a low temperature, right?

As low as it'll go, which is usually like 300.

You know, that's not super low, but it's low enough.

Because one of the ways that a lot of good restaurants or people that actually care about cooking it, they bake it first to get it reverse sear.

Reverse sear, right?

So while that's going, I'm heating up the pan to like a screaming temperature, like as hot as it like.

Stainless, high carbon?

What are you cooking on?

Well, it's this newer non-stick.

I actually invested in good pots and pans, and they're very nice.

I don't know what they're made of, but I did it it once or twice in a stainless steel, and I've done it in the cast iron.

Cast iron was best, but it's such a panic has to clean.

I'm looking for convenience.

So I got the nonstick there, get it up to 500-something degrees with a temperature gun.

I'm looking at it.

As soon as it's ready to go, chase it with like a little bit of butter first, just so it browns the butter, because butter will brown so fast at the temperature.

And as soon as this pops in, slam that steak in,

like it'll just go crazy, get the edges, sear the fat cap, flip to the other side, on the other side of the pan where it's still hot

super brown delicious i'm actually making decent steaks and i got this like garlic rosemary rub oh it's good i've not had lunch yet and this is the most painful small talk we've had in a while because i'm just like

yeah

how good because baking in an oven would take too long but air fryer oh yeah yeah air fryer it is useful for that No, that's good.

Yeah.

What fancy restaurants and chefs do is sous vide up to temp and then sear it after.

But the air fryer is good because it at a low temp, it is like a, it's similar to sous vide because it's like convecting, right?

It's more, but I could see that.

I could see that working.

It's basically a convection oven.

And it's like not as good because the heat transfer won't be as slow and even, but it's still not bad.

And I know you're looking for convenience, but if you're looking for perfection on steaks on a pan, I got to point you towards high-carbon steel.

It's those black steel pans.

And they like OXO sells a high-carbon steel pan for like a very reasonable price.

So good.

So dense.

It has a similar capability to cast iron, but it's a little bit more, it's way lighter weight because it's like a normal.

But oh, I love my high-carbon steel pan.

That sounds pretty good.

Yeah.

It's hard to beat the convenience of non-stick.

I do get that.

Yeah.

Best steak I ever did was with like, I seared it first and then butter-based it for like 10 minutes.

But that's annoying because you got to sit there with it tilted for 10 minutes, scoobing, splattering butter all over the stove.

If you're doing it like every day, every other day, you don't want to do that all the time.

I'm not doing that.

I get good enough with what I'm doing.

So, anyway, Wade, you're hungry.

I'm so hungry.

All right, and then I made some ice cream.

Wade, do you like ice cream?

Oh, no.

I left my lunch out of the fridge.

My lunch is not good.

It's a pre-made, pre-mixed up protein shake.

That's my lunch.

Quick, turn on your wall of cushions.

Oh, sorry, don't mind me.

So

Are those cinder blocks?

What is that made of?

Shush.

Shush.

Chico, go help daddy.

Oh, never mind.

Chico, Cameo.

Father, come back.

Father.

I was telling you guys this a little bit off-camera, so I cheated, but uh, Pokey Rogue.

New weekly addiction.

I find a new one every week.

The game's a year or so old.

They're still constantly updating it.

You start off with all the starters.

You go.

You just battle and catch, battle and catch.

You get like egg voucher things that you put into a gacha system.

You hatch.

You're trying to get shinies and legendaries and shiny legendaries because having shinies on your team

boosts the quality of drops and stuff.

You increase the lux stat.

It's a whole thing.

I don't know.

I don't know how many hours I've put on in the last seven days in that game because I can play it.

It's a browser.

You play it on your browser.

So I can play on my phone, my tablet, computer, whatever.

It's everywhere I go.

You have to beat classic mode.

Then you can unlock something called endless mode.

endless has an ending i found out i haven't even unlocked it of all the hours i've put in i've not beaten classic yet i guess i'm not great at the game but i have a lot of fun with it and i did hatch there's different tiers of shiny you get there's like the common tier one tier two then tier three is the rarest and each have like a bigger boost the rarer the more boost you get to your luck stat i've only ever hatched one shiny but it was a shiny articuno which is kind of cool Next time I win, I should just host an episode where I just play that the whole time and just make you guys talk and then write down some bullshit points.

Another bit of small talk.

We were making steak here at the house and uh we didn't have like we were trying to do something quick at night.

So we had one of those like Bob Evans mashed potato pre-made things to toss in.

And it was like the last one we had and it was like, oh, it's not we were just craving it.

It was like garlic mashed potato.

We were craving it.

It was like, oh man, pair this with the steak.

Some green beans are going to be great.

Go to like get the mashed potato out and it's not been sealed properly when they packaged it.

So it's been exposed to air.

It's leaking.

All the liquid is out.

We had to throw it away.

But like we had the steak, and it was like the one thing we wanted to have the perfect pairing that we were craving.

And we had to throw it out and not eat it.

And it was the rest of the meal was still good, but like missing that.

It was very sad.

No, I feel you.

I feel you.

I've actually had that before.

I'm like, yeah, I'm craving.

I was defrosting this piece of salmon this morning.

It's going to be great.

And by the time I get there in the evening, I'm like, oh, I defrosted it last week.

Ah, shit.

That wasn't this morning at all.

And it's incredibly old.

So yeah, I've done that before.

I'll give you a point for that.

Mashed potatoes of sadness.

That's good.

Another green bean kick lately, which are apparently good for you, I guess.

Yeah, they're good.

Yeah, especially if they're made right.

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So neither of you got the transition point or the segue point.

It was shame related.

I was looking for something shameful that you were going to admit.

And I don't think either of you had any shameful actions.

I'm bald, it's not shame, there's no shame in that, buddy.

You gotta be proud.

I'm tall and bald.

Those are both admirable qualities in many circles.

I don't think that you need to be shameful for that.

Did you guys see there was a tennis match where one of the tennis players-I don't know who, I don't watch tennis, but one of the players was signing things in the stands.

And this kid was all

just like it's just a little kid and you know the guy was wearing a hat just like mine just like mine i'm not saying that i'm the guy in the story but it's not just like

the kid or the tennis player the tennis player had a hat and so he signs something signs something and he takes his hat off and he he hands it up towards the kid looks away expecting the kid to grab it some guy

big tall guy just like you wade just kind of like you wow i just happened to have a new hat recently.

He, oh, yo,

right out of the kid's hands.

The kid goes, oh, like a baby, you know.

Yeah, be bigger, kid, and you'll win next time.

You know, it's funny you say that.

It's funny you say that.

Okay, because I want to read you, because I'm skipping ahead, but that's so funny.

Because

from the guy who did this, dear late subject statement.

Dear ladies and gentlemen, due to the fact that your hysteria is getting out of control, I have decided to issue a statement to clarify who should receive the hat.

I emphasize that I won the hat because I am stronger and therefore I am consciously keeping it.

I do not greet people sick with envy.

Coach of winners, Peter Cesare.

You say that.

I'm bigger.

I'm stronger.

I'm better.

The kid didn't win the competition.

Even though the hat was aimed at him to be given to him as a gift, I intercepted it.

Just like in sports.

It's mine.

Suck it, kid.

Pretty much.

I mean, I don't get where people could possibly have an issue with this.

So, Wade, you're in the firm camp of this guy's right, Bob.

No, Wade, I'm giving you a point for that.

You go like, okay, the guy was stronger, period.

Well, I just want to say I think both Pyotr and Wade

probably should lose that point because the original statement from this guy was that was what you said and he was immediately like it's i i deserve that it's my hat i'm stronger than that stupid kid yeah apparently in the last 24 hours he issued a different statement where he was like uh hum uh actually

i've come to realize

that what i did was i made a mistake and uh i was so sure because my kids had asked for an autograph before and i was so sure the guy guy was handing the hat to me I instinctively reached for it and it what may look like me stealing something from a child is actually me securing something very important for my own child because of good strong parental instincts I'm sorry I hurt the boy and disappointed my many fans Your fans

I don't know.

The statement's in Polish, so all I have is translations, and I have no idea how accurate these are, honestly.

But it hurts for me, but

a needed lesson in humility.

That's why I will be even more actively involved in initiatives that support children and adolescents in actions against violence and hate.

He won't be.

Man, the backpedal of the week right there, dude.

What is that dated?

That's on, that's a Facebook post yesterday at 8 a.m.

I assume Polish time.

So that's in like the last 24 hours.

But he's keeping the hat.

He learned his lesson, but he's keeping the hat.

No, no, no.

According to this statement, the hat has been given to that child.

Oh, wait, no.

Actually, wait.

No, it's just bad translation.

He was explaining, like, you know what?

The hat was supposed to be given to that boy, and I'm sorry to him.

I kept the hat.

I'm in Poland now.

The kid's not Polish.

He's not even here.

But I'm humiled.

I'm very humiled now.

There's no way to get this hat to wherever that kid was from, whatever poor country he was from.

This statement claims that that previous statement with all the ballsiness in it was not even him.

If true, not a backpedal.

If not true, even more epic backpedal.

This guy was like, I never even said that.

That wasn't even me.

Those words don't even exist.

Check the internet.

It's all AI.

It's made.

It's in your imagination.

Right.

I want to read one more statement that may or may not be true.

It's just, you know, text on the internet.

Who knows?

But hilarious.

Dated one day before that statement you read on the 31st of August.

Thanks to this hat, I'll soon be on dancing with the stars.

And what about you?

Are you still crawling for minimum wage?

No evidence that this is real, but God, I hope it is.

I'll bet that kid can't even get a job.

Anyway, he's also suing anyone that says anything negative about him for libel and slander.

So we're all, Wade, you're being sued.

I thought I was him.

No, yeah.

Bob, you're being sued.

Why am I being sued?

I was giving him credit for his enormous backpedal.

Oh, you're right.

You're right.

I'm being sued.

Okay.

Okay.

We can all agree to that.

I want to know what the truth is in all of this.

What's happening here?

I think he is a dick because you don't do that without being a massive douche.

Period.

It doesn't matter what anyone says.

Otherwise, he stole a hat from a kid, didn't even remotely regret it.

And we've seen video evidence of this happening all the time.

You've seen like ladies at baseball games, it being like a yoink right out of children's hands, or like someone grabbing it, like right out, like pushing a kid out of the way to grab it.

You know, there's been tons of evidence of that.

So I do not doubt this guy, whatever he had in his head at that time, was like, haha, mine, get fucked, kid.

So in the era of shame, that's what the theme of this episode is.

We're going to talk about shameful moments in

the internet as it is right now.

If you've got any gripes against anyone,

anybody could be podcaster otherwise.

I have one more, if you guys need to think more or research more, if you need time.

Do you need time?

I need a second.

Oh, yeah.

All right, cool.

I'm going to talk to you.

Do you guys know Sabrina Carpenter?

Never met her.

This is nothing against her musicality, by the way.

This is not what this is about.

Uh-oh, here we go.

Have you seen the music video for Manchild?

I think I've seen clips.

It would have been honest.

I was scrolling on something, but.

This music video came out called Man Child,

right?

And do you guys know Robert Rex?

He's the chef.

Yeah, yeah, the, yeah, I do.

I didn't at first, but now when Bob said that, it jogged the memory.

So now it's back in my head.

I was like.

Somewhere in this music video, it's so hard to find him.

I can't even remember what time spamp he was.

He's in this music video.

Like, Robert Rex has been in so many music videos as like an extra or a person in it.

He is like a music video guy.

He's been in tons.

In this particular one, his shot featuring him where he was dry, I believe he was driving some vehicle in there was cut early.

You barely even got to see that it was him.

And I think that is complete injustice.

And I am shaming Sabrina Carpenter for, oh, actually, I think it's in the beginning.

It's like, it's like minute.

No, is that him?

I can't tell.

I don't know.

He's in this music video and he talked about it because it was a really fun shoot.

But they didn't have him in it.

They cut anything that was featuring him.

Is he driving the box truck that you can't see the driver of that she flips off as it goes past?

That might be him.

I actually, I really like this music video, by the way.

If you haven't seen it, it's such a fun watch with like really good usage of VFX to do absurdist things.

Really, really interesting music video.

If you're into Sabrina's Carpenter's music or not, it's just a fun watch.

So it might be that box truck.

It might be any number of these vehicles, but it's just, I felt so bad.

Shame on Sabrina Carpenter.

for not featuring the star of that music video.

And yes, above Sabrina Carpenter, Robert Rex should have been at the top of the building.

It's not really embarrassing for her, honestly.

All right.

Now, that should have given you guys time to gather your shame.

All right.

Who's, I don't.

I didn't bring my coin again.

Oh, you better hope that that doesn't come up.

Someone's in violation of distractible code 0317B.

And that's the second time I've done this.

I'll flip Chica.

All right.

All right.

All right, Chica.

Heads or tails.

She actually got heads or tails.

Man, one of us is going to feel really bad when we call it then.

Come here.

Come come here, come here.

All right, who's calling?

Who's what?

Whose heads?

Whose tails?

I'm heads.

Come on.

Hop, hip, hop, hip, hop, hip.

Okay.

And flip!

And you're so heavy.

She could probably flip you easy.

Flip.

Flip.

Flip.

Flip.

Editors, make her flip.

For fuck's sake, just pick heads.

Ah, heads.

Waits, heads.

Me?

Yeah, waits tails.

Whatever's happening.

We're going to start at the top and it'll all be less exciting from here.

But I'm going big at the start.

Okay.

I'm going after God.

I was in college, had my laptop, typing on my lap a bunch.

Apparently, it's really bad wrist posture.

And I got like carpal tunnel or whatever in my wrist.

Been playing like Poke Rogue, which I was talking about earlier on my tablet, my phone, computer.

And I've been having like some pain in the this region of my hand.

And it's like, why make such a great game if you're going to punish me for playing it, asshole?

You know, why isn't my body adapted to play it all the time?

Why pain?

Why hurts cease?

So, big guy upstairs, not the best designer.

Maybe hire someone next time.

Get some help.

Contract, subcontract.

Sure you can afford it.

The rich guy upstairs ain't trickling down enough.

You know what I mean?

Yeah, people say eat the rich.

I think we start up top.

All right.

Okay.

That's a bold start.

That's going to be hard to beat.

Good thing it's not a beating competition.

It's a quantity competition.

Bob?

Wade?

There you go again.

You know, you know me.

It's my turn again.

Okay, so we have another one.

All right, you guys know Sabrina Carpenter, right?

Never met her.

Got another bone to pick with Sabrina Carpenter.

Did you know Rex

Rex?

Rex Rex?

Rexy?

We call him Rexy's.

Minus one point, minus one point for Rexy.

Did you know Rexy?

I know the name, but my mouth didn't say it.

Uh-huh.

What is it?

Robert Redford.

Robert Rex.

Robert Redford.

Dear Lord, nope.

All right.

Swinging a miss.

Someone pointed out.

This actually isn't from me.

Amy told me about someone else starting to talk about this, or multiple people being like, hey, wait a minute.

Sabrina Carpenter, whose music is predominantly about sex and, you know, promiscuity, and that's fine, no judgment there.

But especially like the style of music is trending towards Ninja's Sex Party, both in the musicality.

The theme was always there with like Ninja's Sex Party literally being about nothing but sex, promiscuity.

And now.

I never really got that from their music, but if you say so.

Oh,

if you really appreciate it for the art.

Yeah.

You read Ninja's Sex Party for the articles?

You know, they knew more, of course, and I'm sure Sabrina Carpenter.

But people are starting to say, like, hey, wait a minute.

She's just doing the same thing that Ninja Sex Party did.

Hey, and it's cool because more attention should be gotten to Ninja's Sex Party in the first place.

But shame, Sabrina Carpenter, for ripping off Ninja Sex Party.

I will have another Sabrina Carpenter.

Shame when I come back around.

All right.

Bob, did that give you enough time?

Honestly, I don't have shit for this.

I'm going to be 100% honest.

You know, you could.

I'm going to give you one if you want to take it.

You could have a gripe against the host for making you come up with gripes that you don't have.

Yeah, Mark just assumes everybody has these common complaints that everybody has, and I don't have them.

Is this just a thing that's on your guys's minds?

Is this like things come up and you're like, wow, they should be ashamed of that.

No, I'm just kind of bullshitting as we go along, to be honest with you.

Yeah, I mean, I was last night, we were watching something, and I was like, hey, man, that would be, that'd be fun to talk about, but I guess not.

It's fine, whatever.

No, it's not your fault.

It's me.

I just hate more people.

All right, wait, who do you hate?

You know what we're going with?

Travis Travis Kelsey.

We've been talking in the music genre.

Travis Kelsey, born Cleveland, Ohio.

Went to college, University of Cincinnati, plays football, Kansas City.

Is that Kansas or Missouri?

Engaged to Taylor Swift from Redding, Pennsylvania.

How many states and cities does this fucker need to claim?

Just pick a place.

Does he claim all those?

Be loyal to a place, man.

You're engaged.

You want to be loyal to a person?

Be loyal to a place.

Pick Cincinnati.

I just love it yeah we're talking about musicality and music travis kelsey you know

taylor swift music you didn't say that does he hold a large claim on all of these places i think he owns all of them he owns most of ohio most of missouri and kansas and now pennsylvania i will say what's what's what's interesting is he got an honor not an honorary degree i think he went back and actually got his degree in like 2022 from university of cincinnati for something which i don't know if that means he he didn't graduate.

We were in the same graduating year, so we were, I was, he was there somewhere when we were there, Bob.

Playing football, I hear he got a degree, and as a guy with more Instagram followers than him by 5 million, University of Cincinnati, uh, as the most famous alumni from University of Cincinnati, I think, I think that, you know, maybe a degree or two would be I thought they'd even like email us to come do like a caregiver speech for you know Relay for Life or American Cancer Society or something.

I was like, oh man, I can't wait to do something for Milford or UC.

They just send me the alumni, like, hey, you want to donate money?

And it's like, I want to talk.

I like talk.

Is it because I didn't actually graduate?

Is that what it is?

You're the most embarrassing famous graduate from UC because you don't have the degree.

You are the, whenever they do this episode, they're like, Markiplier.

Shame.

Hey, guys, I thought of one.

UC should be ashamed for not giving Mark an honorary degree.

Yeah, yeah.

Can I actually get an engineering job with an honorary engineering degree?

You assemble IKEA furniture all by yourself.

You could engineer stuff.

Look at your great soundproofing behind you.

You put that together on the episode.

Well, Jason made this, but

I asked Jason to do it.

So basically, you know, I engineered him.

So what you're saying is you should go straight to supervisor or manager.

Yeah, you should be a managing engineer.

Uh, but I don't think that they're gonna give that to me.

You know, you know, ow, my eye.

Something's in my eye.

Quick, Bob, say your thing next while I deal with this.

You know who should be ashamed?

This is reaching back in the history of this podcast, but it's not to the company that people might expect in regards to a refrigerator.

Samsung.

Samsung should be ashamed because despite everything that happened in the Bob's Fridge episode being the fault of a different company or companies,

the refrigerator that ultimately was installed eventually that did work, the one that froze into a solid sheet of ice in the bottom of it that I had to chip out by hand once every couple weeks, it was a piece of garbage.

Samsung, either stop making refrigerators or steal someone else's design because holy fuck, how are you making refrigerators in the year of our Lord 2023 that just turn into ice.

It physically stops working.

And the problem isn't even technological.

It's the drain tube gets clogged.

Who designs a drain tube that gets clogged?

Anyway, I thought of one.

Samsung?

That's good.

Fuck you guys.

Also, your phones.

Meh.

Damn.

Also, your TVs.

Not bad, actually.

Fine.

Yeah, they're fine.

Actually,

their latest OLEDs,

I feel like an S because I bought these LG OLEDs just recently for my mixing room.

And then the reviews come out about the Samsung OLEDs and everyone's saying, like, wow, they're basically perfect.

They don't get any burn-in or anything, and their like color accuracy is undeniable for the price.

It's almost unbeatable.

And I'm like, Well, fuck me then.

Don't trust.

Those are all the Samsungites.

They're just filling it out.

Samsingers.

Oh, it's musically related.

Damn it.

All right, go.

Wait.

Developers of No Man's Sky.

You guys had one of the worst game launches of all time.

And then you continued to work on your game.

You continued to edit it.

You had all these big updates.

You just had another recent one.

And your game is actually very great.

I don't have time to play it right now.

Could you have waited a little bit?

Stop doing such a good job and making one, every other company look bad, two, making my schedule look bad, and three, taking away from my productivity because I really just want to get in there and build a Corvette because it has like the Starfield kind of ship creator kind of thing going for it, but all the good No Man's Sky stuff.

And I just really want to play it.

But they always have to have their expeditions and their big updates at the worst possible time for me.

And in my universe, I'm at the center and their timing is bad.

There you have it.

I got another one, Bob, if you need more time.

Oh, I thought of one.

It's beautiful out.

The weather is finally in that sweet spot in Ohio where, like, it couldn't be better.

It was, I was out today, and it was like 73 degrees and sunny and warm in the sun, but a perfect breeze.

It was like the perfect weather.

And so I was like, I know what it's perfect for.

I'll go get a car wash.

All the people who own car washes around me were like,

let's just do some maintenance or some shit and close all our car washes.

How did I go to three car washes and not get a single drop of water on my car?

What the fuck?

It's like the most perfect day for a car wash in the history of Ohio.

And they were like, nah, we don't want money.

Let's just close all of our car wash bays and do that shit in the winter.

I don't do this a lot.

I don't take very good care of my car.

And that's on me.

And I am ashamed.

But finally, once I was like, let's treat this baby with some respect.

Let's get a nice car, a touchless car wash.

Let's go to the fancy ones.

All closed.

Fucking damn.

Embarrassing.

They don't usually have automatic car washes here out in LA, but they did open one.

And Amy said it's really fun, except they have an entire vacuum section in the back.

And if you know anything about LA, things are sandwiched really close.

So it's like all the vacuum sections are are right by this fence where it's residential immediately after that.

It's like houses in a birds.

So all day, those people just

all day, every day, because, but hey, it's an automatic car wash.

I have, I actually do have one.

I want you to know this, guys.

I'm going to let you guys decide whether this is shameworthy or not.

This is from the LBC in the UK, whatever the hell that is.

It's not the BBC BBC for that share.

Anyway, Deputy Green Party leader admits to performing hypnotherapy to enlarge women's breasts in the past.

Did it work?

Wait a minute.

I might be focusing on the wrong part, but did that work?

Well, I'll leave you with some quotes.

He said, you know, he apologized for his past actions, says, it does not represent my work.

It does not represent me.

This was 11 years ago.

I wasn't involved in politics at all.

You're feeling bigger-breasted.

Look, I don't know what his technique is.

I'm not sure if, like, they go into hypnosis, then he just gets a big vacuum and just puts it on there and hopes to suck them out.

I don't know.

I'm making that up.

Allegedly, by me.

Allegedly.

Sure, sure, sure.

Reveal the secrets of getting bigger breasts right here.

It was 90-minute sessions, allegedly costing 222 pounds UK sterling.

Currency.

I was like, that's how much each breast weighed at the end?

Damn, they must have worked.

God damn.

Can you imagine a 222-pound boob?

No.

Anyway, he said he apologized.

I apologize because I recognize that that can be offensive to people.

But if it worked, you know, I don't know what the average cost of a breast enlargement surgery is, but 222 pounds might be a good deal.

Are you wanting to go for your breasts or your penis?

I don't want to go for anything.

He doesn't run it anymore.

But I'm saying the secrets are out there.

For the right price, he might.

Shame, no shame.

You don't care?

My contributions are shit is that what you're saying that was pretty bad one yeah

i mean i guess shame but you know also medical advancement i don't know maybe i'm just surprised that they haven't figured that out yet if somehow it was effective then i guess reached their own people knew what they were signing up for all right more shame yeah i've got one bob do you have one hashtag no stop shut up is it my turn yeah it's your turn bob bob you then bob all right did he go he did go Wait, he did go.

That's what I literally know.

I was here.

I was here for that.

I have one from nearby me.

Adams County Commissioner busted for filming OnlyFans content in private helicopter.

There was apparently a video

put out on YouTube.

Adams County, near in the Cincinnati area, by the way.

This is Adams County, Ohio.

Apparently, someone did an analysis of posts on social media by this elected official of flying their personal helicopter, and it has a very distinctive green air freshener hanging in it.

And then video from an OnlyFans where the exact same air freshener appears in a helicopter that looks to be the exact same helicopter for OlyFans.

I don't know what the specific content is, but it's on OnlyFans, so I presume it's not safe for work in some way or another.

I don't know if it's, I don't know what it is, but anyway, shame?

Shame.

Shame.

That is a very clear case of shame.

And how much is a subscription asking for a friend?

Yeah.

Do they have a discount or something, like a code?

I think there's probably some kind of code somewhere.

Yeah, I'm not sure.

For a friend, unrelated.

Are the little featsis of the helicopter included in the photos?

Asking for a friend.

That's extra, but you can get that.

And they're wearing the helmet with the microphone.

Asking for a friend.

Sure, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

That's in there.

Shame.

Shame.

Oh, goddamn.

Shame.

It's my credit card.

Uh, okay, I got another one.

Wait, you shouldn't wait.

No, go ahead.

Go ahead.

Go ahead.

Trending hashtags.

You ever see something like new rock band?

And you're like, oh, that's so exciting.

You look and it's like, not the new rock band.

Just any of the misleading hashtags on any of these sites.

I had one a while ago.

It was trending for you and it said Mark is dead.

And I was like, Uh, what?

I don't remember who it was, but it also they weren't actually dead, it was just like promotion for an album or a game or something.

All these misleading, like, for you, trending hashtags.

We should do away with hashtags.

Shame on hashtags for even existing.

They're clickbaity bullshit.

Hooray, Bob.

I say,

shame on you, listener and or watcher, for not going to the subreddit literally as of this recording posted 37 minutes ago, joining the distractible subreddit book club.

Because book one in the distracted book club is Dungeon Crawler Carl, which I won't shut up about.

So you better go join the thing and fucking read it so we can all talk about it on the subreddit.

I'm sure that the subreddit mods will really appreciate the amount of whatever I just brought into their laps.

Of our fans going to our subreddit.

Yeah, well, they're always...

You've seen the shit shit that those mods have to deal with?

It's crazy over there.

I don't know what happens on the subreddit.

I want to make a declaration about the subreddit is I did it.

I made the mods revoke that rule where you couldn't make posts about the episode the day it came out.

You're welcome, everybody.

I'm your hero.

It was a big fight.

Everyone was screaming, but I said, hey, I believe in what these people can make.

And yes, not a single post has been of any content or value that anyone has made since that rule got revoked.

And there have been multiple redundancies and bullshit happening, but that's just the job of the moderators.

I am welcome.

Go to the subreddit.

Oh, yeah, check out the subreddit.

Yeah, ready.com slash artist slash destructible.

I have another shame.

School board in Japan fires teacher for working part-time job in a convenience store and made the teacher issue an apology to children for, quote, emotional damage caused from knowing their teacher has a part-time job.

Shame.

Embarrassing.

I can't believe this teacher.

Embarrassing.

Yeah, here's the article written on Sora News 24 by Casey Bessiel.

It's hard not to have a sinking feeling when you hear about a middle school teacher being reprimanded for inappropriate behavior.

Was the educator involved in some sort of sexual improprietary involving a student, or perhaps it was a case of physical abuse?

Teacher taking out their frustrations on pupils by smacking them, falling perceived disrespect.

Nope.

The teacher got in trouble for being a convenience, working in a convenience store.

And apparently, this is just because there's very strict rules in Japan about this.

But also, I feel really bad because the teacher had to do

an apology for having another job.

Yeah, the next day, after kids said to the principal that they saw their teacher,

the very next day, the principal of the school, the man teaches at, made a trip to the convenience store and confirmed with his own eyes eyes that the teacher was working there and confronted him about the matter how

dare you you piece of

and also my my student will not be sharing classroom supplies with the other students you socialist

hang on i'm joking on my own tongue anyway all right shame uh on whoever deserves a shame wade that makes me think about all of the people that just aren't content with where they end up with in the social hierarchy by birthright and are trying to to better themselves, shame on you working multiple jobs.

Why don't you just accept your lot in life?

Don't try to improve yourself or those around you.

Accept where you are.

Shame on you for wanting any more.

So, are you saying shame on both the poors for trying to get out of the poor place where we've des we, us three, have designated them to be?

And also, shame on the riches for even deigning the other areas with their presence.

They should stay up there.

We should stay up here, us three, us.

And then the poers should stay down there.

No intermingling.

I almost made a joke that I think I would have very much regretted, so I didn't say it.

Go for it.

Hit it, man.

Put your heart into it.

We should all be separate but inequal.

Couldn't have said it worse myself.

I'd like to shame me.

Bob, you got a clear, obvious one here.

It looks like Wade already is feeling the appropriate amount of shame for that thing you just said out loud.

I really am, yeah.

Mark should get some splash off shame from basically forcing you to say it.

Thank you.

It's not just you.

I did feel host peer pressure there, yeah.

Okay, minus half a point for shame on me, but full point for shame on Wade.

You almost got that full bonus point, but not quite.

All right, now go.

Your real one.

Speaking of what Mark was talking about and not what Wade was talking about, school.

You know who's a student now?

And we all haven't thought about nearly enough in recent history?

Emma Watson.

That's right.

Hermione Granger is pursuing a PhD at Oxford University, Oxford College, Oxford University.

But the shame does not belong to Emma Watson.

Despite being a coxswain for the new third women's college rowing team at Oxford, yes, Emma Watson is a coxswain.

No, it's not dirty.

Yes, you should definitely Google that and see if you get close on the spelling.

The entity that should feel shame is the High Wycombe Magistrates Court of Oxford, England.

Emma Watson got busted for going 38 miles an hour in a 30-mile per hour zone.

And that court suspended her license for six months.

That demon behind the wheels was driving.

She basically murdered every child in a three-mile radius by going eight miles an hour over the limit.

Do you know what NFL players get for going like 50 miles over?

A $200 fine.

I'm just going to casually not mention that Emma Watson somehow already had nine points on her license, which I don't know what she does.

But also, funny story: the reason this court should feel extra shame, the actress who played Madam Hooch in the Harry Potter movies, Zoe Wanamaker, also on the same day in that exact same court, high Wycombe Magistrates Court, because she had nine points on her license, got banned from driving for six months on the same day for the same thing that Emma Watson did because she got a speeding ticket.

So they had like a cast reunion at the courthouse.

Yeah, no, I was unrelated.

I don't even know if they knew that each other was there, but this court is targeting.

actors from popular movies of the last decade and a half.

And I won't stand for it.

That's

shameful is what that is.

Okay, so what her previous offenses were were also for speeding, and in the UK, it's much stricter.

In America, I don't know about you guys, but I've heard this: nine is fine, which is crazy to think about.

If it nine over is fine, ten, you're mine.

I've heard that from dude.

In California, it's like if you're under 100, whatever.

I swear to God, on certain highways in California, it was, I was doing like 85 and a 70, and I was like,

I was like, holy fuck, I'm gonna die because everyone else is going like 95 miles an hour.

I've been in that same situation where it's like, I'm going with the flow of traffic.

And in America, they have that kind of rule where you should match the flow of traffic, whatever the flow of traffic is, because going too slow is also dangerous.

And people need to fucking realize it, especially when you're merging.

There's a reason your gas can go.

You know, you gotta, you can.

Shame.

Shame on slow mergers.

Yes.

Shame on slow mergers.

I'm going to give everyone a point for that.

Shame on slow mergers.

No, literally, I think if you go to like 40 or 50 over, it's like a $200 fine.

If you go over 15, technically, can't it be like a felony?

It's like, it's worse to be 15 over.

It can become reckless endangerment or something.

It becomes like a felony, but they have to choose to enforce that.

And they often don't, is what I've heard.

Actually, Ohio is the highest for speeding tickets.

They give the most of any other state.

I believe that.

Is it North Carolina where they had the thing where they'll give you a ticket, especially people that have out-of-town license plates, they'll send you a thing in the mail where you have to make an in-person appearance or hire an in-state lawyer to represent you.

And the whole thing feels like a racket.

I don't believe North Carolina is the only place that does that, but yes, that is a thing.

Fair enough.

But the only place I've gotten a speeding ticket was Indiana.

So, um, but she only had three other speeding tickets before, and it's by the fourth one, is an automatic

suspended license for six months on your fourth speeding ticket, regardless of how minor the offense is.

Yes.

And because there's like anything over.

And admittedly, I've accidentally gone 38 or something in a 30 before.

We don't usually have 30s, usually just 25, 35.

But I've accidentally like turned a corner down a hill.

Suddenly, I'm like going 42 and a 35.

I'm like, ooh, shit.

We've all accidentally sped before, right?

I accidentally hit.

10 to 15 over on a regular basis.

In Cincinnati, there's tons of like pretty big downhills and stuff.

If you're just coasting, not paying attention on a downhill and you were already going, I usually go five, seven, maybe eight over is like my normal range that I push.

If you're already going that fast and you're coasting down a huge hill for a mile and a half, easily push it to like 20 over if you don't pay attention and tap the brakes or something.

I swear 471 has a time of day, I-471, where the average speed is like 85.

Oh, God, 471, that bridge, that bridge over by Newport is terrifying because the speed limit's like 55 and the traffic has never ever gone 55 that I've ever seen it in the decades I've been driving in this part of the the state no that is like NASCAR drivers only every time I've gone to the airport down 71 uh you know where it goes through the city and there's those tunnels where it's a flashing light like slow down slow down

slow down like all the drills and then every time I go there someone next to me passes me

has to slam on the rakes and I'm like I see the skid marks on the walls from where people just like that NASCAR driver just, I'm gonna hit it.

Use the wall.

Yeah.

No, man.

It's the same on 75.

As you get down by the city, the speed limit's 55.

But if you're going anything less than like 65, 70, people will get up behind you and be like,

like you're like you're under the speed limit.

It's like, dude, I am going 10 over right now.

Holy shit.

Yeah, it is.

It is.

Yeah.

So shame on speedsters.

And the people that will tailgate when there's no one left or right that can just go around.

So much shame.

Also, Emma Watson should be embarrassed because she's getting a PhD in philosophy, and that's just embarrassing.

Well, hold on, no, hold on, ungetter.

That is embarrassing.

Oh, hold on, hold on.

PhD in philosophy.

Yeah, yeah.

I'll give you a point for that.

I'll give you a point for that.

Shame on philosophy.

Okay.

Wait, do you want shame on philosophy point?

No.

I'm giving you one.

I'm giving you one.

No, I refuse.

No, I want negative on.

I endorse philosophy.

You'll have to flip a coin for that to work.

All right.

I'm forcing this on you.

All right.

Heads, I'm right.

Tails, you're wrong.

Oh, no, he didn't call it.

There's a shame.

Oh, you're wrong, buddy.

You're wrong.

P-H-I-L-O-S-O-P-A-N-O-I-N.

I refuse this point.

I protest this point.

Philosophically speaking, you can't do that.

That's unfair.

There it is.

All right, you said unfair.

Where is Chico?

All right,

I got a box here.

I'll get this box.

It's pretty uniform.

Boxes are designed to be flipped.

Have you ever seen an Amazon delivery driver?

Boxes are just thick coins waiting to be flipped.

All right, so it's a Thunderbolt cable box.

This is heads, tails.

What if it lands on its side?

We've always had that rule, and I don't remember what the answer was, but we have a rule for that.

That's true.

All right, here we go.

Heads.

Heads.

Heads.

Whoa, what the fuck?

I win.

You don't get a point for that, Wade.

Wow.

All right.

No point for Wade.

Wait, so does that mean

Wade loses a point for endorsing philosophy?

Is that what that means?

Because that must be made.

I won't subtract a point.

That would be doubly unfair.

I'll just not give him a point, but I'm scratching it out.

But yeah, good job, Wade.

You defended philosophy.

Worth it.

This episode is brought to you by McDonald's new special edition gold sauce.

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Go to get McDonald's.

I'll be back.

I'll come back.

Your Youtine, adjective, used to describe an individual whose spirit is unyielding, unconstrained, one who navigates life on their own terms, effortlessly.

They do not always show up on time, but when they arrive, you notice an individual confident in their contradictions.

They know the rules, but behave as if they do not exist.

Mutine.

The new fragrance by Mew Mew.

Defined by you.

I think that has to end it there because my earpods just gave me the sound that

we're there about to run out of shame.

Yeah, shame on the battery life of these stupid things.

I think I was just in a bad brain space for this type of thing.

I didn't want to shame anyone when we started, but then Wade really got me heated up.

And then I felt like I found a groove.

Wade, you always turned me on comedically.

It might be the last time after some of the things I said this episode, I might be replaced.

Maybe, maybe.

But we won't know until we know the answers because it's a very close game.

An extremely close game.

Wade, you have nine points.

Bob?

Yes.

She could just farted.

Bob, you have nine and a half points.

All right.

That's enough.

It could be anybody's, but unless a half point comes up, I am safe from the tiewheel.

Thank goodness for that.

Good thing there's some half-point ones, and those would never come up.

We also have an automatic host wins.

Is there?

There is one that's just the host wins.

Oh, man.

The people really want the perfectest crime.

I haven't worked on it.

No, it's baking.

If we tie and we get the one-man show, our assignment will just be do that episode.

All right.

How many bonus points?

That's the question.

And the wheel will tell us the answer.

Chica, why are you farting so much, girl?

Oh, three chances.

What are you adding to the wheel, sir?

Let's say...

Add two spins.

I like that.

Add two spins.

Yeah, so it has to be another one.

Because if we would just add one, it would just be a respin, basically.

So it would add two.

Yeah.

All right.

I'm going to shuffle that in.

And we got three spins coming.

Oh, yeah.

And so on.

Loudest.

Wade, you were pretty loud, but I don't know if you were any louder than usual.

Was either of us loud?

I didn't notice like a particularly loud moment, but yeah, nothing jumps out.

Respin that one.

All right.

It was one away from the host wins.

Ooh, man, I don't like that one.

Why?

Who put that one?

Least amount of sleep since last episode.

I slept great.

How'd you guys sleep?

I've actually added a new medicine and have been sleeping just awful.

Like four-ish, four to four and a half hours a night of sleep.

I've not been that bad.

I've been really good the last three days.

I had some rough sleep last week.

I don't think I would say I've averaged four hours.

That's, yeah.

It's been not great.

All right.

Well, least sleep point goes to Bob.

He's at 10 and a half now.

All right.

Here's spin number two.

Come on.

Host wins.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, I don't want it.

I don't want that.

Why are we both hoping for that?

I don't know.

Honestly, I think this because Mark doesn't want it.

Most locked in.

Wade, you won the coin toss.

You knew your topics.

You knew your shame.

I surrendered at the beginning of the episode.

Yeah, he did.

I got to get that one, right?

Got to give this to Wade.

You got most locked in.

All right.

It's still one point away.

Host wins.

Really pulling for host wins for some reason.

Because I hate Mark, I guess.

Oh, my God.

Oh, ho!

Oh!

No!

I swear there's no...

I can't fucking manipulate this.

I swear to God.

It hung on the one to the left of me.

It was like, oh, I'm stopped.

I know.

I know.

You motherfucker.

How is that possible?

That's so desperately unlikely.

We've had some crazy endings lately on this.

We have, that's a one in 67 poll on that.

It is definitely my season.

I am definitely winning.

I'm winning this season, but it's like, all right, I'll come up with the most perfect describe.

Yeah, I think the universe is basically commanding you to do that episode.

You're not busy, are you?

Yeah, I know, right?

It's a three-hour special.

Oh, God.

God.

All right, I'll get it, guys.

I'll get it.

You both are giving loser speech today.

So, if this is a sponsored one, the sponsor won big time on this episode's loser speech.

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You know, it was a hard-fought episode.

I even won a coin flip that took a potential tie or went away from me before the wheel spins happened.

Destiny, my own will, fate itself, God and his carpal tunnel giving bullshit, they all deemed that I was meant to lose.

And you know what?

I accept.

Bob, your loss.

Crushing.

You were going to win.

You didn't.

I listen.

If anything, I feel like I somehow won even big leader.

Because clearly, Wade and I were both trying desperately to lose this episode.

At the end of it all, when I was totally up for grabs, neither of us could have won.

We were both rooting for the one chance that we had to make Mark win for some reason.

At the beginning of the episode, Mark declared a topic and I said, I have nothing, Wade's turn, and I was actively throwing.

I feel like I got exactly what I was trying to get.

I just don't know why that's what I was trying to manifest into the universe.

Now I feel kind of bad.

I don't.

I just really like losing, I think.

I'm getting a taste for it, you know?

I hope we go lower on the podcast charts.

That'll feel better for me.

I want to watch it.

We're all going to show our faces to get back up into the top 10.

Come on.

Loser speech over.

Loser speech over.

Balls too?

And whatever it takes.

Top 10.

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We all had our fun, but I think we can all agree that we have the only original podcast on this entire chart.

At least we can say that.

Every other podcast is just a rehash of the same thing.

It's either three dudes talking, or it's three girls talking, or it's like some crime thing, or they're reading Reddit stories.

We, we have a game show involved, and that's what sets us apart.

We are original.

We are great.

I'm a winner, And therefore, we're all a winner, except you're not.

And it's just me.

Thank you, me, for letting me win.

I did this all through my own skill.

And I'll say, I think I contributed more shame articles than you guys did anyway, so I think I deserve it.

Win.

Why are you barricaded in a closet?

I'm not in a closet.

Just because there's no windows in here doesn't make it a closet.

He's hiding in his secret place.

Don't call him out.

Thank you, everybody, for launching us into the stratosphere up the charts.

I know that it's a delayed reaction from when that episode came out, but you guys are pounding the pavement.

You're sharing those clips.

You're spreading the word.

You're getting the funny out.

Every drop of fun, every drap of funny, don't make fun of me.

Every drapy funny.

I'm Markiplier.

That's MyScream.

That's Lord Minion 777.

None of us regret our user's name.

And we definitely don't regret the name of this podcast.

Say it with me, everybody at home.

Chant it with fists in the air.

I don't care if you're on the road or whatever.

Two fists up.

Like that guy from Prometheus went before he rammed his ship into the alien ship.

what did he say?

Actually, I haven't seen that.

He went,

so everybody go,

Oh, the name of the podcast, Destructible!

Up yours!

Wait, that's what the guy says that Ramses' plane into the alien ship.

No, he said, I'm back.

He does, but then he also says, Up yours.

He says both.

Which does he say more of?

He says that, but at one point, he's like, in the words of my generation, up yours.

Oh, I guess he does.

Anyway, bye.

Podcast out.