World Record (Today)

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Good evening, gentle listeners or watchers, and welcome to Distractable.

This episode.

Breasty Bob, mother to all, and Pizza Plunderer, catalogues the gents' Guinness book entries.

Magisterial Mark has a crushing catastrophe.

Admits Ire for Intel, has extended expulsions and wows on wow.

Wedding Watcher Wade has hobbit horror, wipes out wings, pulverizes pinkies, and Rizzes Raid.

From a defined structure to Tyler's balls.

Heh!

It's time for

World Record Today.

Now sit back and prepare to be distracted and enjoy the show.

Hello, and welcome back to another exciting episode of Distractible, the coolest podcast that's ever lived.

That's right, Distractible is not just a show that you watch or listen to, it is a living, breathing creature.

That's why we have to be here.

We have to nurture it.

We're the caretakers.

We feed it of our breasts and we make sure that it gets all the love and support that it needs in this world.

I'm your host, slash Earth Mother, Bob.

I'm joined today by my co-hosts/slash competitors, Mark Mark and Wade.

Why are you making a face like that?

That's the same intro I always do.

I'm smiling.

I'm doing a soft smile.

Oh, good.

I have a terrible memory, so I don't remember that ever being your intro before, but I believe you.

Every single time, I've always done it the same.

It's very carefully structured.

If you've ever seen the show before, all of that stuff I just said is true.

Also, there's going to be points, and whoever gets the most points and or least points, depending on what happens at the end of the episode, host the next one because they shall be declared the winner.

And that's it.

It's like that one show with that other fat guy who wears glasses.

Everything's made up and the points don't matter.

There's another one.

It was on TV.

Something about big fan of Cleveland.

Oh, the French one.

Les destroyed.

Whatever.

How are you guys doing?

You got any small talk?

Yeah.

But are you going to let me talk about it?

Have I not been letting you talk?

Was I domineering you?

Remember, remember.

Listen, you have to tell me if I'm talking too much, okay?

Don't just let me stamp.

Don't let me stamp all over you.

I'm trying to create a welcoming space here.

Shut up.

What's up, buddy?

Oh, the saddest.

The sadness is abound.

I had a devastating, devastating, devastating blow to my happiness.

That's great.

Opposite.

That's not great.

It's one of these.

I'm going to text you guys a picture, but beware it.

It may be the saddest picture you've ever seen in your guys' life.

I'll get to the address after it, too.

But prepare yourselves.

Is it a picture of the battery dying in my Switch 2 while I'm playing Pokemon?

Worse.

Oh.

Oh.

That is very sad.

Oh, Lord.

Yeah.

What happened?

Listeners and watchers who we're not showing the picture to, what we're looking at is electronics, but broke.

Wait, you can see the ass end is cracked.

but what happened to the front?

Would you try and install it with a sledgehammer?

I don't know why I didn't think that this would happen.

You know, I told you guys about this GPU that I bought, this really expensive one that I was like, oh, but it's so powerful and good.

No,

that's not that, is it?

I told you this was the saddest story ever.

Oh, man.

Oh, man.

Can I like Venmo you a hug?

Wait, wait, wait.

Did you do it or did someone else do it, though?

It's halfway in between, but I should have.

The responsibility is on my shoulders because I brought it with me to my undisclosed location.

So I took my whole computer, packed it up, put foam in there and everything.

I had it sealed up in a Pelican case.

I was like, okay, if there's ever a place for this to be safe, it's going to be here, right?

I packed it in a way that, and I didn't even think about it, where the computer would be like if the front of the computer is here, I set in sideways, and the back of the computer is here where the GPU sits, where when you lift the thing, it's hanging this way.

So

I just think of every time I picked up my Pelican case and dropped it on the ground, the GPU went

that way in that direction.

That's why there's a split right there, is because it was just on the PCI Express launch.

So

I can't even really blame TSA.

Not all the all the foam in the world couldn't have stopped the tiny amount of movement that it had, which is like it barely moved a few millimeters, but that's enough over time over a whole travel to another state to crack that big enough.

No,

that sucks.

However, there is a possibility that it could be repaired.

It's just the PCI Express slot, and that's bad, but that is a standard part.

It's part of the board.

So I think they would still have to get a whole new donor board for that card, but it's possible for it to get to be repaired.

I'm hoping.

Oh, yeah, that looks fixable.

It's worth it, I'm sure, to get it repaired versus buying a new one.

So fuck.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I didn't mean to text hi.

My phone just did that.

You texted hi.

Oh no, okay.

My phone just said hi, but it did.

This is how little my friend cares.

Jesus Christ.

I would have send you the saddest picture of my eye.

It's just like, it's not even like a aw man.

It's just, that is so dismissive.

I appreciate it.

Oh, fuck.

So you probably made it all the way, like you were bringing that with you to

like a specific place.

You made it all the way into where you were going to get your computer back out and you were like, oh, here we go.

Set it up.

Did you like turn it on and then something bent?

Or did you, when you opened your Pelican, where you're like, wait, what the fuck?

I had no idea until I turned it on because I turned it on and none of the monitors turned on.

And I was like, oh, what's going on?

The whole thing's lighting up.

Everything else is working.

And I open it up.

I'm like, it doesn't look weird.

And then I unscrew the graphics card.

I was like, maybe something happened there.

I hear a crunch as I pull it out.

Oh,

did I turn it over?

I'm just like, oh, no.

Hi.

Hi.

Maybe it was a supportive high.

Maybe it really depends on the intonation of it, you know?

Yeah, you really got to get the tone.

Like Heath Ledger's Joker waving a Harvey Dick high.

Oh, man.

Yeah.

Say hi to pay your respects.

That's really the new one.

Oh, my God.

Yeah, so to remind everyone at home, that card cost me.

I don't want to say

how much it costs me.

I mean, it's already out there.

I know.

I just don't want to say it again because if I can't repair it,

it's $8,500 was that card

that card is more expensive than the most expensive tower I've ever built entirely

yeah

oh

hi hi I heard words from from the guy at the post house I'm at right now he used to have a travel case for his DIT setup which is like they ingest the footage offset it's not the guy you've met it's another guy and he had these two cards that were specifically for red footage and a few others that are like for very specific ingesting um tsa for some reason opened up his case ripped those cards open like the cover off

and looking inside i don't know hi

that's just a murder that's not an accident that's terrible yeah i don't remember what the price of those were back in the day but it was not cheap uh so yeah that's more like hi and marks is more like hi i see it on a website, and this is probably what it used to be.

Or this is probably the more recent price, but not what it used to be.

$6,750 for a new one of those now, which

you don't even need it anymore.

And he had two of them, and I'm sure they were substantially more.

Maybe not substantially, but they were more some.

Is it hampering what you were going to do, or are you just like using another computer or something and just sad about it?

Weirdly enough, I was able to get everything I needed to do

for now done with the integrated GPU, which is another thing where I'm like, everyone that's sleeping on these Intel processors, this latest generation, because it got like a few frames less in gaming, they're fucking productivity beasts, these things.

I was using the integrated GPU and I was able to scrub, at least scrub my timeline.

It's not like my MacBook where, you know, I can actually edit the movie purely on that, but it was, it was keeping up just fine.

I was able to go through what I needed, render out footage, export files.

I forgot that Intel Intel has like these features.

Probably all the Intel haters out there are just like,

but I'm, dude, don't, don't be, don't be stuck on one manufacturer.

Hey, a good card's a good card.

This was a good card.

So it saved my ass.

Yeah, it really did.

I have always thought that was silly that people pick teams like the brand of whoever, whatever large company makes your processor, your GPU is like, use the best, most cost-efficient one.

Who gives a shit?

Yeah.

It has gone back and forth.

One has dominated, the other has dominated, like whatever.

If it's good, it's good.

How wonderful is that?

Get him!

Get him!

Actually, talked about how much the hate was during that ad campaign.

And that's the only thing the subreddit talked about for two weeks.

It was like they played one thing and

it replaced the points out and people were very mad.

Am I weird for liking it?

Like, I liked the noise.

I think you just like it because it pissed people off.

Like, you're

exactly that dude.

Yeah, but that's you.

It is kind of you.

You, I know that part of you is like, oh, everyone hates that.

God, I love that.

I didn't know they hated it whenever I first liked it.

But also, the fact they hated, I kind of liked.

That's true, but separate.

I don't get that either.

For anyone who's lacking context, we did a sponsored thing.

And it, like Mark said,

there was a line that we said in like every episode for a month or something.

And because it was like a segment, basically.

And

they replaced the point sound, which I don't even know if we still do point sounds very consistently because we don't really say, like, that's a point.

It's like a secret.

That's true.

You guys already have points.

I haven't said shit.

That way, I can make it up and make whoever win that I want.

Anyway, I don't know why it was so hated, but that was wild.

What time to be alive?

What was that like?

23.

Oh, yeah, it was like two years ago, maybe.

For the record, there's many things about Intel that I have big gripes about.

How can Intel literally make Thunderbolt and it doesn't fucking work on Windows platforms where their chips are?

I don't get that.

Look, I got it to work after reinstalling the drivers 10,000 times on one computer, but on the Dell computer that I got with like the Intel workstation card, they have an add-in Thunderbolt.

Doesn't fucking work.

I can't get it to work at all.

Nothing.

Like, I'll install the driver, get something to plug in work.

I'll reboot it once.

Gone.

Drivers just annihilated themselves.

So I don't know.

They got some work to do there.

That's some very early 2000s computer shit.

I remember when every computer was just like that, where it's like every time you turn it off, turn it back on, it's like, what thing is just fucking blown out of existence now?

How many times am I going to have to reinstall audio drivers before I hear my computer make a sound again?

I love 2008.

On a related note, this past weekend, I went down to Appalachia, like the Appalachian Mountains in Kentucky, near Red River Gorge.

And it was beautiful, beautiful wedding, perfect weather, beautiful ceremony.

The drive down was really, really pretty.

It was like we got down there kind of like close to sunset.

It was really pretty in the mountains going through at that time.

Ceremony went off without a hitch.

We all gathered up for like the reception.

And then it was time for dinner.

And dinner, delicious, perfect.

But I didn't quite get enough to fill me up.

It seemed like they were running low on some of the like they had the salmon and they had like a pasta, which I always thought it was bold to have like fish at a wedding.

I love fish, but a lot of people don't.

So like whenever we did our wedding i was like i don't know if we'll serve fish because you know so many people are kind of picky about it they had salmon and it was so good but i was i finished up i was like man i could go for a little bit more food but you know it is what it is i guess like an hour or two later we're like wrapping up getting ready because we had to drive all the way back to cincinnati it was like a two and a half three hour drive and we're getting ready to leave and molly's like i'm surprised you didn't get another plate of food and i was like what do you mean they never called for seconds or anything she's like oh no but they were like it was there you could have gotten so much more food and it was some of the best food oh i don't know i guess maybe just driving, having like fast food for lunch and driving all that way.

It hit so well.

It was like southern cooking or whatever.

I could have had seconds.

It's almost as bad as losing a $10,000 graphics card, not having seconds.

I thought that was going to like the fish was going to make you sick.

No, it was perfect.

For the big reveal.

Mark destroyed an invaluable piece of technology through accidental whoopsie-doos.

And Wade didn't eat more food at his fancy wedding party.

It was the worst wedding ever.

They did not hand feed me secondsies.

I can't believe this.

They were busy all dancing and stuff, and I was there hungry.

Normally, whenever you guys have like something great or terrible, I can't really relate, but this time I really feel like we were on par.

Yeah, we're on the same high.

High, my friend.

High.

Yeah.

Honestly, if we were having a competition of whose story is sadder, I'm leaning just ever so slightly towards Wade, I think.

It's very close.

It's understandable.

I get it.

Would have been perfect.

Everything was so perfect and lovely.

The drives went smoothly.

Great.

The guy that loved a four star, that would have greeted me.

He was so beautiful, so happy for the book.

I didn't even know how you showed up for this recording session.

I would be curled up in bed.

Those, man, those mashed, there was like a red skin mashed potato just a little bit more of that and the corn and green beans would have jeff's kiss really

they probably just threw it away they probably had so much they were like ah feed the possums or whatever animals they have in appalachia it was probably at least like thirty dollars worth of food imagine wasting or losing thirty dollars worth of something it was someone else's thirty dollars you didn't even get the thirty dollars no did Did Molly get seconds?

I didn't ask, but oh my God, if she did and hadn't shared in that moment.

Man, I hope she did.

I just know you guys were sitting there eating your first plate, and she leaned over and was like, Hey, I'm going to get one more thing.

Do you want anything?

And you were just like, Oh my God.

I'm weeping from the deliciousness of this food.

Don't talk to me, woman.

And she was like, All right, I'm going to, I was just going to, okay.

And she went and got another plate, and you didn't even notice.

No, no, she got up for a drink, right?

It was a drink.

Uh-huh.

You get drinks and plates in this.

You got two hands.

She has two hands, right?

Last time I checked, I guess I've not seen her in the last few hours.

Things could have changed.

Man, I have never been so down in the dumps in my entire life.

Both of you.

Strong stuff.

How could we recover?

Crazy happenings.

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This episode is brought to you by Uber.

You know that feeling when someone shows up for you when you need it most?

Yeah.

We all need that sometimes.

And Uber knows that.

Uber isn't just a ride or a meal delivered.

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I think that might be them knocking on the door and because they're, you know, Uber's really good about getting them right to where you are.

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Well, perhaps my planned episode, the competition battle royale for today's thing will bring us all back to the joyous, happy times.

Or, man, fucking something.

I don't even.

I'm so sad I can't even talk anymore.

Am I crazy, or is there a shadow appearing on the bed behind me?

Is there somebody moving?

Did you see that?

Here, there.

Did you see that?

Or is that?

I am seeing that.

Is someone over there?

I think that's like artifacting.

God, I hope so.

Because I'm looking at a wall and I'm like, I don't know.

Shadows are coming from

mark an inch away from the wall.

Like, hey, guy.

Anyway, guys,

if you change the timeframe enough, we've all been the best in the entire world at something.

And specifically, Mandy had this thought, and I want to talk about this.

Every day, there is someone who jumped the highest in the world.

ran the fastest in the world, whatever, took the biggest shit.

Like every day, every 24-hour period, there is like one person who is the best at any given thing, right?

Somebody did take the biggest shit.

That's crazy.

I want to talk about things that we think

we might hold the single day record for.

I got it.

And I have.

I got it.

Oh, Mark's ready.

All right.

Peeing.

Pissing.

My God, I cannot stop pissing.

I swear to God, because I've been drinking a gallon and a half a day.

I don't need to drink that much.

Been doing it.

Can't stop pissing.

My body has not adapted.

There is no adaptation happening.

I am thirstier than ever because I think my body is shunting it all out of me.

And people say that's what you're supposed to do.

But I swear, one of those times, I was, I was, I was just like, I don't know what happened to me.

I just could not get in a scenario where I could get to a bathroom like on a convenient time.

And then I got a bathroom, and it was the longest piss of my entire life.

Unbelievably long.

Over a minute.

Over a minute.

That's too long.

It was too long.

Over just a minute of constant P?

That's Austin Powers level, dude.

I could not fathom how long it was taking.

And you know how I know it was a minute?

Because I've been wearing my watch and I'm able to look at the seconds pass by.

I knew exactly.

I didn't know exactly, but I knew it was over a minute because I only started checking my watch after it's been going up for so long.

Are we talking like full blast?

You like trickling for a minute.

I needed to change pants after this.

You know, when a dam opens up and it's just the sluice gate going,

that's usually me.

And that was me then, too.

But, you you know, still long time.

Were you like an unbelievable agony before this?

Or was that just?

That was a thing.

It was like,

that's crazy.

I kind of just realized after a while, like, oh man, I really got to go.

Had to go.

So I think that day I had the longest piss.

That's very possible.

I'm going to say you did.

Unless anyone can prove it without us giving them the date or the exact length of your piss, I'm going to say that you hold that record.

On that day, longest

consecutive, concurrent, longest non-stop piss.

Continuous.

Continuous.

That's a good word.

Longest continuous piss.

It was before I came out here, so it was like three days ago or something.

I was going to give you guys like a second to think because I think I have one.

And I honestly think it's verging on impressive outside the scale of 24 hours.

Like this might be a 36 to 48 hour record.

I was in high school and I was in Marching Band and there was a tradition that the tuba section would go and eat some nasty food to see if we could make someone throw up during the halftime show.

And the band directors did not think it was very funny, but the tuba section did think it was very funny.

And we went to a Cece's pizza, which is honestly not nasty food, but like you can eat a lot of pizzas.

It's a pizza buffet, all-you-can-eat pizza buffet, very American.

And I ate 26 slices of Cece's pizza.

Oh my god, in one session.

I'm not going to say it was fast because we were there for a while, but I just actually ate 26 slices of pizza.

And before that day, I was skinny as a rail, and I've looked like this ever since.

But I swear to God, I hold the record for the most pizza eaten on that one day.

Like I have to.

Right?

Unless there was some pizza eating contest, which that happens, but it's not like every day there's a pizza eating contest.

Okay, 26 slices.

How many pizzas is that?

They, I think Cece's makes large eight sliced pizzas or maybe medium eight sliced pizzas.

I think they're eight slices.

So that's a solid three and a half pizzas.

There's a little more than three pizzas, not three and a half.

And it wasn't just like plain cheese or anything either.

Cece's often has like mac and cheese pizza, meat lovers,

ones that with like a lot, like supreme with lots of veggies and loaded up and stuff.

I just had whatever I wanted and I had all kinds.

I probably, that's probably a record, right?

Yeah, I'm pretty sure.

I ate 37 chicken wings when watching a UC-UK basketball game back in the day.

And I don't think 37 is probably anywhere close to a record.

26 slices of pizza might be.

It's not a bad number of wings.

Pizza does not sit well with me, so the thought of eating more than like four or five slices makes me feel actually ill.

I mean, it's really heavy.

It's very bready, doughy.

I honestly, like, I double-checked because I was telling that story once and I was like, wait, 20, 26?

Do I mean 16?

26 is a source is confirmed.

Third parties have verified.

Seems like a lot of people.

Like, I could still eat put away food pretty good.

That seems like a lot.

I don't think I could do that.

A lot of pizza.

Be a bad idea.

Anyway, Wade, what were you going to say?

So we have dick level record, mouth level record.

I'm going to go all the way down to the featses.

Dick level record?

You had the piss record.

Oh.

Oh, Mark's record is dick level.

Got it.

I pee out of my belly button, sir.

Please.

I had a 24-hour period, I'm pretty sure, where I stubbed my toes, I think, four times.

Three on the left and one on the right.

My pinky toe specifically.

And it all started whenever I was taunting Molly.

She'd give me this like sound thing, I think, for I think it was her that gave me the sound thing for Christmas.

And it had this, like, I'd press the button, it go, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do.

And she was, like, playing a video game or doing something streaming.

And I came and was like, I said some stupid joke, then played that and like went to run away like an asshole and went pinky toe first into the door frame.

And something happened after that slam where I just fucking forgot how to walk because then like I, in the same actual day, hit that same toe again on a different spot.

And then while trying to be careful with that one, I was going up a staircase.

And I don't know how going up a staircase I did this, but my right foot apparently was going up like this and pinky toe right into the wooden top stair to get the other foot.

And then I started like fucking cursing and spitting and hit the other one trying to balance that one out going up the stairs again.

What kind of bow-legged ass 45-degree walk you making up the stairs?

I don't

know what happened to me, but I stubbed my left pinky toe three times and my right pinky toe once.

It was in the evening, the first day and like the earlier part of the second day.

So it was was over two days but it was like one 24 hour span probably even like one 18 to 20 hour span but it fucking hurt so bad and my toes especially on my left foot i swear it took like three or four months before my toe felt normal again that does seem like a lot that is a lot and it all started because i decided to tell a dumb joke and play a sound effect and run away right into a door frame i mean that's what you get really but yeah but all the other ones can you really blame it on that i think it was just that mental like oh man i better be careful how i'm doing the stairs or I was like overthinking it.

And then as soon as I stopped thinking about it, I better be careful.

Yeah, I don't

know.

I don't know.

I don't know how it happened.

Years ago playing, we had a weird day with playing basketball where Tyler got hit in the balls like it had to have been seven times with a basketball in one day.

Hilarious.

And that, from my perspective, was really funny.

From his perspective, probably not so much.

But I felt like my pinky toe might be karma from laughing at Tyler taking the basketball to the balls so many times, literally in the same day.

Was any number of those someone like Tyler sitting on the ground stretching and someone walking up and just going, oh, oh, oh, right in the nuts?

Just three in a row, real quick.

I think if I probably misremembering, it was probably like three or four times with the basketball, and then just three other weird things where got hit in the balls that same day.

But, because I feel like one was at a movie theater, and I don't think there was a basketball in the movie theater.

Well, I guess we got to put Tyler on the scoreboard now.

Yeah, we got to figure out how Tyler got hitting the balls so many times.

But someone's got hitting the balls more than six or seven times in a day, probably.

But the pinky toe, the only thing pardon me the only thing i can really think of that might be world record one day worthy if it makes you feel any better i did think of one that we probably all it's a tie but we're all tied for first have you ever stayed awake for 24 straight hours because i know mark has and i know that i have yeah that's there's a lot of people on that one but that's a t tied for first situation so like That's just one on you can record, you know, that's on the board.

I also slept for 24 hours once.

I slept for 26 hours one time.

There's probably quite a lot of people,

quite a lot of people that have done that, but probably less, I would guess, have slept for 24 hours than have stayed awake.

I don't know if I've done that.

I don't think I've ever slept.

Yeah.

I went to sleep at 7 p.m.

I was early teens, maybe not even a teen yet.

I went to sleep at 7 p.m.

And I woke up and it was 9 p.m.

And I was, I felt so tired.

I was like, oh, God, I've only been asleep for two hours.

And I walked out and was like talking to my family.

And like, my mom's looking at me weird.

And she's like, you hungry?

hungry you want anything I was like no I'm good like we just ate and she's like that was yesterday and then like I really thought she was like pulling a prank on me or with me but no I slept for like 26 hours that's pretty cool I kind of like that like well I assume too I assumed you were like yeah I had like the worst flu I've ever had and so I just took like took a double shot of NyQuil and passed it that's just there was no medicine involved it was just I just went laid down and passed out That's probably a pretty good one.

I once had a phase.

And this isn't the mobile game that I'm playing right now.

I gotta tell you, I quit that one because

it was getting too much.

But there was one time many a year ago, not that many, but many a year ago, where I must have been in a 24-hour surprise on the guy that spent the most of the mobile game I had to admit.

And I'm not proud of this one.

I'm not.

And I know that there are plenty of people that probably spend way too much in mobile games.

It's like this huge money thing.

It was not a good mobile game worth spending money on, but it was one of those infinite clicker games that just the numbers keep going up and they never stop going up.

And I don't know if I was like hypnotized or something, I was caught in this loop where I would drop a hundred bucks.

I would be like,

The numbers are going up.

No, it's not over, man.

It's not over.

Stop just talking.

And then I'd be like, and then I'd hit that ceiling where you can't get any higher.

And it's like, and I'm like, oh, come on.

I was getting such a rush.

200 bucks?

That must be the most.

I spent $1,400.

Oof.

Oh, no.

There's people that spend more than that.

Maybe not on that specific game, but.

I know, but we're not looking for world records here for just that day.

On the right day, that definitely puts you like in the running.

I felt so dirty

afterwards that I spent all that money on the game, and then I deleted the game immediately after I realized I had.

I don't remember the exact number, but I'm pretty sure there was a Dokkan player who had spent between $1,000 and $200,000 on Dokkan in a year.

Okay, that's a year divided by $365,000 Let's see if I've got him.

That's still a lot.

Wait, how much was it?

How much was it?

He said $1,000 to $200,000.

It's kind of a big range for math.

All right.

Well, let's see.

Even that, $365,000.

That's only $4.10 a day.

I got that beat.

I got that beat.

Okay, maybe I got the number.

I don't know what it was.

I think he said it.

Someone said at the very least, there was a year where this dude spent $71,000 minimum.

I don't know what the max would have been.

That's baby shit.

Mark's got that beat.

I had that beat for that day.

I had to have been.

I can tell you one game that I was addicted to, Raid Shadow Legends.

No joke.

I was super into playing it.

That game, you could probably spend $100,000 a month if you bought everything and went crazy with it.

Like, that game's very expensive and it's very hard to get the things you want.

I can only imagine how deep the well can go on that one.

That's just making me feel a little bit better about my.

I've never been mobile games, but I played a lot of CSGO and Valorant and some CS2, which are like tactical shooters that have gun skins.

And boy, have I spent an embarrassing amount of money on gun skins for games that I kind of don't play anymore.

But not like, probably,

oh, I'm probably into Valorant for like six or seven hundred dollars total, which maybe sounds like maybe money, but I literally maybe spent 20 bucks ever on a mobile game.

That doesn't get me, other things get me.

I spend plenty of money on stupid shit.

You know how many phone cases I've talked about owning.

The mobile games are my, like, I've had to get, I've told you guys, I've had to get away.

I, I spend way too much money and time.

I get that.

I get the appeal.

I feel like maybe, did I mention this already before?

I might have actually talked about this exact thing last time because I believe I brought up the most recent game and I was like, I spend 50 bucks a day on that.

And I quit that because I was like, this is getting ridiculous.

Did I mention the other one?

You mentioned the one where you made your own clan and went ham.

No, no.

The only reason I'm worried is like, I'm worried I got the number wrong.

And I don't know what would be worse if I was lower last time I mentioned it or higher.

Well, don't worry, Mark, because the subreddit will definitely correct you.

They will.

They will.

I might have said something also where it was like, I'm not going to say how much I spent.

No, you gave a number.

I just don't remember what it was.

I don't remember if it was hundreds or a thousand a day or something crazy.

And you said, because you were giving people

diamonds or gems to join your clan or something to do their dailies.

Oh, no, that was the one.

It was 50 bucks a day on the most recent one.

And then I stopped.

Yeah, so I had to stop that one.

That's not as bad, man.

Bad.

Not as bad.

Well, any other records you guys think you have?

I think there's definitely some other ties.

I have one, but I'll let Wade go first.

I tied for not owning a car for many days over a three-year period.

That's probably true.

Yeah.

Well, I mean, you owned a car.

It was just at the bottom of the ocean.

Sure, sure.

It's like that rock from that one island where it's currency and you can own it even if it's at the bottom of the ocean.

What do you think the longest, longest, like furthest driven in a single day is?

Yeah, like I want to throw my hat into that because I've driven, I drove when we moved from California back to Ohio.

I drove that in three days.

And there was definitely a day in there that was like a solid 14-ish hours of driving with like no traffic all highway pretty, pretty fast, pretty far.

But I don't actually know exactly.

Like, exactly, do you think that's close, or do you think that's not even close on that day?

It's hard to say because truckers have limits.

Yeah, they can only go for like 11 hours or something.

There's like a

amount of time.

It can't be more, like, it literally cannot be more than like a thousand to fifteen hundred miles or whatever in a day, right?

It can't be because, like, people have to stop.

Yeah, like, you have to get gas or whatever.

Like, if I could do math in my head, I would be doing so much math right now.

Like, if you were going 100 miles an hour for 24 hours, you'd be going

2,400 miles.

Oh, the math is hard on that one.

Well, that's why I'm not picking a simple one, but like,

I see.

I see where you're getting at.

You cut it in half and you're like at 1200.

Okay, that's 50.

So 50 miles an hour for 24 hours, straightest thing.

You're not getting gas.

You're not stopping.

You're not taking piss breaks.

And like, I do know that things like the cannonball run exist where guys get from like new york to whatever somewhere wherever on the west coast in like but they're not doing that every day but yeah i probably wasn't overtaken by one of them i was probably i i bet it'd be up there because i mean most people probably tap out around like eight ten hours but there are some people that slug it but on a certain day who's gonna do that every day or have the perfect weather or have perfect no traffic you know i like to think that it's possible just because i like the idea of having a car one because i'm kind of i'm like car I like cars.

I mean, I can't see someone on any given day driving all 24 hours and going that mile.

Like, it can't be that.

You got to stop for gas.

You got to piss.

You got to get food.

Anyway, did you guys have any other ones?

Sorry, I'm just

my actual number.

I didn't have a solid number.

I mean, I was going probably an average of with stops and everything,

maybe an average of 50 miles an hour for, say, 14 hours of driving, conservatively.

No, I know I did a 900 and some odd stretch, but you know.

700 miles?

Oh, that's not as far as I would have thought.

I was really hoping it'd be over 1,000, but.

Well, Amy and I, we did on this recent one, a 930 mile stretch to get back home.

And that was a long day because

we just wanted to get home.

Anyway, I believe that there was a day that...

And if not a day, a lifetime achievement for sure, but there was a day where it happened more than once.

and that had to have been pretty up there.

Where I spilled liquid on my keyboard the most in a 24-hour period.

And I think you guys remember there was a recording session where I spilled twice on my keyboard.

I got a spare keyboard.

Boosh!

On that one as well.

I'm almost positive, unless I'm misremembering.

I'm pretty sure.

Isn't that the one where you ended up with the world's smallest keyboard at the end?

Oh, yeah.

You're like a keyboard that you use on the TV or something weird.

Is that a drunk Minecraft episode?

Yeah, yeah.

I think so.

I think, or it was over a couple episodes in the recording session.

I can't remember.

But even to this day, I have that curse because, like, here where I'm at with TBD, I've spilled on a keyboard there.

I've even outside of this on my laptop, I've had a Red Bull can that somehow, you know, it's like, you know, people try with the bottle flip.

It's a three-quarter full can next to my keyboard.

I tap it like this.

I just brush my fingers across.

It does a perfect 180, like

open side down, right onto my keyboard.

And I hear it go.

I've only ever done it to one keyboard.

I've learned that I have a flight, not a fight mechanic, because every time I have problems with a keyboard, it's the S key that breaks.

And it's because I'm running away so much.

Backing up.

Like, if I played a horror game or something,

I fucking slammed that runaway button.

I've only spilt on my keyboard once.

I don't have you on that one, Mark.

You can have the spilt record.

I appreciate that.

I appreciate that.

I don't do enough.

What else would I have had?

There had to have been a day, World of Warcraft, this is an obscure thing, but on a certain fight during Wrath of the Lich King for elemental shamans, I was number one on Professor Putricide.

Actually,

I was global number two, but that record had been set before me.

So I was number two on the leaderboard there.

So I had to have been the best that day.

I was the most damage on Professor Putricide as an elemental shaman that day.

And probably for a while, except that guy who did more than me the other time.

But we don't talk about that guy.

Is Professor Putricide the fight?

That's the character that you were.

Yeah, that's the guy you're fighting at.

Okay, got it.

That was a tough one to do.

It had a lot of mobility and not good for catastrophe.

Years after Diablo 2 had already been out, I remember going back and playing Diablo 1 with a friend, and we had to get fresh memory cards to save the game on.

And there was a way you could do like a gold duplicating glitch.

And I'll bet you on that particular day, we duped the most Diablo 1 gold on PlayStation.

Hell yeah.

We got enough to fully like fill up four characters' inventories with gold because each gold pile took a thing.

Oh, right.

And that means like, you know, you take one little pile, you add it, dupe, add, do, like, we just kept doing that until we had so much gold that the whole ground was covered and our inventories were full.

We probably have the record for most duped gold that not ever, but in that one day, probably.

You guys, I don't know if I have any gaming ones.

I'm not that good of a gamer.

That's so oddly specific.

You probably do.

I don't know.

I don't really know if I have any games that I was that into that there's such a specific thing about it.

Possibly I have a PUBG one.

That's, I think that's the game I have the most hours into.

I have like 1200 hours or something in PUBG.

There's pop.

It's very possible that I have the most cars parked on roofs of buildings in a pubg round because that was kind of a hobby uh i knew all the spots where you could get a nice get some air get a good car up on the roof situation that's maybe i don't know i just not i'm not very superlative at video games i'm which is funny because i get i get really mad and try hardy and sweaty but like i'm just not i've never achieved much you know I probably went the most editing in a 24-hour period.

I'm almost positive.

And I know there's a lot of editors that pull late nights, nights, but I, probably two days in a row, I had the record for a 24-hour period.

Oh, I did.

I had a couple more I thought of.

That one may be true.

I know one you definitely have, Mark.

Yeah, what's that?

Most

fake blood inside your body in 24 hours.

That is 100%

one that you have.

Absolutely true.

You have to do that.

I know for a fact.

Oh, my God.

Yeah.

And boy, was that pleasant sounding.

And, Wade, I did have one for you.

Remember when we were on tour?

We went to Fogut Chow in San Diego?

I think there's a not halfway distant chance that you ate the most meat of anyone in the world on that day.

Really?

I think that's possible.

There was one time when your plate was this fucking high.

It was literally like,

like, oh, like stuff would fall off of the pile if it was too round or floppy.

And you ate, you cleaned your plate.

You did it.

The gristle and everything.

I don't know if I could do that anymore.

And you hit the cold buffet.

I remember you hitting the salad bar and getting some of the others.

As a person who's consumed 26 slices of pizza in one sitting, I witnessed that and I, it's, it sticks with me.

You know, there's a reason you're the king of meat.

I think the people do like the hot dog eating contest and stuff.

I'm like, man, I don't think I scratched the surface of that, but maybe they didn't do it that day.

There's no, those are like the small dogs, though.

Like, it is a lot of food, but it's a lot of air volume with the bread.

And like i don't know hot dogs are not as dense either right they kind of they're kind of like whipped meat sludge that congeals into wieners i know one that wade you might also have but i know i probably have i was probably the loudest one day out there i was probably the loudest

i want to say so wade i'm sure that you had a day where you were the loudest Bob, you're not typically a screaming kind of guy.

No, I've been loud, but I would be surprised if I caught if I snagged that one.

I'd have to be pretty lucky.

But yeah, you guys both could be up for that.

Can you imagine if we like there being an afterlife and you go and there's like a podium where they're like, all right, let's go through your life achievements.

And they're like, oh, Wade, you did stub your toes the most that day.

Whoever's behind me, like, you looked at the most porn that given day.

And they're like, go ahead, didn't you?

Just like all the weird achievements being given out is like you're going in.

Imagine getting to the afterlife and then realizing that you, in fact get to join the wall of shit which is the wall where they hang the picture of everyone who's taken the biggest shit on any given day you one day you won that would be quite quite the thing i mean there'd be millions and millions of people on the wall as not a larger guy i probably wouldn't have taken it but maybe you know yeah maybe there's a weird shit day who knows There's been a couple over the years where it's like, that is impressive.

So maybe I did.

I don't know.

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Hey, Hoozel, we're all really good at stuff.

Some of us gooder than others.

But anyone out there watching or listening, just remember that you definitely hold some single day records as well.

No matter how you might feel about yourself, where you are in your life or your career, you definitely, whatever, drank the most Diet Mountain dews one day, or whatever your thing is.

You know, you did it, and you should be proud of that, and you should hold on to that.

That will sustain you till you make your next big achievement.

You can hang your hat on that.

I'm gonna go over the points now, Mark.

You earned points for pain and sadness.

I love Intel.

Fuck Intel.

Pissin' $1,400 in a mobile game.

Liquid Curse and Professor Putricide.

Tyler's Balls earned one point.

Wade, you earned points for high

Appalachia?

Appalachia?

Apple.

However, you say that.

Didn't eat food?

Tragedy.

Mouth level, dick level.

You said that, and I can't remember why, but you did say that.

My piss thing, your mouth thing.

Oh, right.

My dick, your mouth.

Mark's dick, my mouth.

What is it, Thursday?

Slept for 24 hours.

Poor Tozies,

making fun of Molly a lot, and Diablo gold dupe record, which leaves the score at Tyler's Balls with one, Mark with seven, and Wade with eight.

Woohoo!

We're back on top, baby.

So we still have to do the wheel.

Fuck, forgot about that.

We gotta call Tyler up.

Just as balls.

Just as

balls.

That's true.

Tyler's balls will host such an episode.

And he legally has to.

It's in the Constitution.

All right.

How many spins shall we have?

Oh, great wheel who always selects three.

Always three.

Three spins it is, baby.

Oh, I don't even know what I'm going to add.

Or I don't add.

You add.

No, you know what, Wade?

That's my thing.

Today, I'm going to add whatever Wade wants to add to the wheel.

You got it, buddy.

Smallest violin point.

Do we have that?

I don't think so.

Actually, I think we...

Wait, don't we actually have the smallest violin isn't there on there?

I did not see anything about the violin or sad.

I mean, like, we really care if there's multiples.

It's only the same eight things ever come up anyway, so it's all rigged.

That's true.

Wheel of simulation.

Three spins, it is, boys.

I can't read it's too small.

What if it's that one where I have to say out loud?

This This is the one that just got added.

He who is immortal wins a point.

I get a point.

I forgot you're immortal.

Yeah, I'm immortal.

I get the point.

We gotta find a way to pass the immortality.

I do love the wording, though, and that is very nice.

All right, spin number two.

Man, I hope it's another point for me.

Said fuck the most.

Did I curse at all?

You definitely said it like one time.

I don't remember saying it.

I don't remember either of you guys saying it a particularly large amount, but Tyler's Balls said it a lot when it got hit with basketball.

All right, point for Tyler's Balls.

Okay, I guess, yeah.

Tyler's Balls now has two points.

Mark's dick, your mouth, my head, Tyler's Balls.

Somehow, I'm losing to Tyler's Balls in an episode that I hosted.

And

I didn't think this all the way through.

Oh, shit.

Oh, no.

At 10% chance to to one-man show.

It doesn't mean that you do it.

That's just, it was, I believe it was at eight.

So now it's at 18.

Yeah, so that counts as a spin.

So we're done spinning.

So the final score is Mark and Wade got no points from any of the wheel spins.

So Mark could get seven and Wade is at eight.

I don't think this ever happened.

The points went to me, Tyler's balls, and no point.

So the scores stay exactly the same.

All right.

So I need to add 10%

winner's wheel.

So this is 21.

Oh, God, math.

Did it get increased from that?

I know it's at 8 because it was spun once since the reset.

21 degrees is 6.

So it should be 8.

So it should be 18.

So that should be...

0.18 times 360.

So that should mean the weight here is 64.8.

So we'll call it 65.

That should be be 18%.

That looks dangerous.

That escalated quickly.

God help whoever gets that next.

Anyway, Wade, you're a winner.

Winner speech, bud.

This has not been my season of Distractible.

I've not won much this season.

In fact, this might be an all-time low for any of us losing in a season.

I've lost a lot, but...

Not today.

Today we're back up top, baby.

I just want to say, I don't know if you recall, there was a time when I lost 23 coin flips in a row or what you.

13.

Mathematically horrendous.

It was like,

I lost like a hilarious amount.

That's kind of known for it.

The chance of that happening to you was so infinitesimally impossibly small.

It was crazy.

People thought we rigged it.

They thought no one, like, there were people that believed that we rigged it.

I just can't believe we actually didn't.

I find it so fascinating because it wasn't just that you were always heads.

You were calling it and you were just

calling it wrong.

It's just wrong.

You ever been so wrong?

Because like with a lens cap, even if it was favorite of one side, it was incredible.

That's where we came.

People don't remember.

That's where the triangle of fairness came from because we had to be honest.

You cannot lie when you pick it up like this.

You cannot flip it.

We don't do the triangle of fairness anymore because we all trust each other.

And it's rigged.

Mark.

I got to say, you know, I may have lost this one, but for this season, unlike what my opponent has said to besmirch my name, I am not the lowest low of losing this season.

I am the low.

I am the lowest low of losing this season.

I'm the highest of the winning.

So

whatever he said

was right?

What was that fucking game we played where we were assembling furniture and Mark just kept yelling, the flower is inverted to the backside?

Like some.

No, it made sense.

It was the yeah, no, it totally made sense.

That's why Wade and I understood it every time you yelled at us.

Whatever, whatever it was, there's a method to my madness and it didn't, it didn't succeed this time.

So maybe it's time to go saying, Calix.

Oh, yeah, we were making the furnitures.

That's right.

Right, that's fine.

Anyway, congratulations, Wade, and condolences to Mark for not only the story that you told about damaging your computer, but also losing the episode, which is possibly even sadder than the first thing.

Hi's in the chat to me.

Hi.

Hi.

Hi.

Make sure you follow the podcast on whatever platform you want to get notified when the episodes come out.

And make sure you follow us.

Our names are probably on screen, or maybe they're not.

Sorry, editors.

Wade's the Lord Minion 777 or Minion 777, Markiplier, MySkirm.

You guess which ones is whose.

And until the next episode, where Wade will host, that's it.

Podcast out.

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Yutine, adjective.

Used to describe an individual whose spirit is unyielding, unconstrained.

One who navigates life on their own terms, effortlessly.

They do not always show up on time, but when they arrive, you notice.

An individual confident in their contradictions.

They know the rules, but behave as if they do not exist.

Mutine, the new fragrance by Mew Mew, defined by you.