Viewer Discretion Is Advised

Speaker 1 This episode is brought to you by Facebook. The holidays bring people home.
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Speaker 1 From spontaneous messages that lead to overdue catch-ups to finding new communities and friends to go on tangents with, like in your favorite podcast Facebook group.

Speaker 1 On Facebook, a little connection goes a long way, especially the night before Thanksgiving. Facebook is the only way I keep track of like a lot of my family members.

Speaker 1 Around the holidays, we're all like nostalgic and remembering like the time that we could all fit under one roof.

Speaker 1 And so we all reach out like, oh, have these stories and such, which is actually really, really nice. But you know what's even better than that? Things.

Speaker 1 Facebook Marketplace is my favorite.

Speaker 1 But it's even more fun when I have to go visit my stupid parents around the holidays and I can pull up Facebook Marketplace and see what's for sale around their house.

Speaker 1 I caught up with a friend I hadn't talked to. Would you buy? Few moments of their time.
You had to pay for that. Ha, lame.
Let's reconnect this holiday season with Facebook.

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I don't like smelling like everyone else.

Speaker 2 You know?

Speaker 1 Like, I want to smell good, but I also want to smell like me. Is this a hint for holiday gift idea?

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Speaker 2 This episode is presented to you by Battlefield 6.

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Speaker 2 Good evening, gentle listeners or watchers, and welcome to Destructible.

Speaker 2 This Halloween episode. Warning Wade detects lies, then gets the jets to find the fearful.

Speaker 2 Magnifiable Mark is chronologically challenged, nearly unleashes Iron Lum, dominates Flaff, hops about, hunts hamburglers, and malevolent Mickey.

Speaker 2 Birthday Bob takes on Twitch Gone, Freaky Frozen, and an Inflated Infant. From convoluted bald jokes to Nutmaxes.

Speaker 2 It's time for

Speaker 2 viewer discretion is advised.

Speaker 2 Now sit back and prepare to be distracted and enjoy the show.

Speaker 2 Hey everyone, welcome back to another episode of Distractible. What? What's happening? I didn't realize this mic stand went up.
I just...

Speaker 1 I have to sneeze.

Speaker 2 Okay.

Speaker 2 Oh, God. What? Are you getting stabbed? What the fuck?

Speaker 2 That was the daddest dad sneeze I have ever heard. I feel like I threw up my shoulder.
That one really hurt.

Speaker 2 Oh, if you've never joined before, this is pretty typical for a way to host an episode to go off the rails in the intro. I host today.
The other two compete for points.

Speaker 2 Whoever wins get to host the next one. Joined as always by my friends and competitors today.
Mark and Bob. Hey, guys.
Hello. Hello.
Oh, I'm in pain.

Speaker 2 Gotta be careful, man. Can't just casually sneeze at our age.
If I'm looking at my

Speaker 1 dates correctly, happy Halloween, boys.

Speaker 2 Any cool Halloween plans? It already happened, and it wasn't my plans, but I was there. It's today.
You were there? No, no, no, no, it wasn't there. Yeah, I was there.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 It wasn't the when of where it is now, but it was the there of when it was then. The fuck? Was it was it good?

Speaker 2 Actually, it's in the future from where we are in the present, but that's the past to those in the then. But the when that I was there was then, but behind me, in front of me now.

Speaker 2 I'm looking forward to it. We're all looking behind me at it.
Isn't Halloween like in a few hours from now? No, it was last week for me. Oh, man.

Speaker 2 But I had nothing to do with that. That was not my fault.
That was all Ethan. You can blame him.
And Amy, you can blame them for then.

Speaker 2 I already was.

Speaker 2 Or have been? You can will be that. What will have had happened to you, Bob?

Speaker 2 It already happened. It's in the past, man.
I don't want to dwell on the past.

Speaker 2 Is it not today?

Speaker 2 And I can't predict the future, so I don't even know what you want me to talk about right now. Today? It's the 21st, my bro.
What is wrong with you? That's then.

Speaker 2 Well, no, but like, but for everyone watching it or listening, it's today, unless they're late watching it or listening. No, it's then for me, the them.

Speaker 2 Them of them to me is then behind us, in front of us, for them behind the us of me.

Speaker 2 Did you fucking do anything for Halloween or will you or not, man? What? Yeah.

Speaker 2 Well, I was.

Speaker 2 Mark, were you? Yeah. Wasn't.
Them did.

Speaker 2 You know, have.

Speaker 2 Have you? I don't know. Happy Halloween.
Wade, you're Will. Bob is is.
I'm is was.

Speaker 2 Is is on first. Was is on second.
Bald is on third. Got him.

Speaker 2 Zoom. Oh, the long way for that bald joke, but so worth it.
That was

Speaker 2 all of the all of the time set up was just to get to the bald joke.

Speaker 2 Oh, Wade, isn't it nice to hang out with friends? Yeah, I'll be doing that soon. I'm kind of excited.
Now we got to do this. Yeah, I know.
And then I'll get to hang out with friends.

Speaker 2 Yeah, well, you're here now. Don't make me say time words again.
Please don't. Small talk, you guys,

Speaker 2 you live? Did shit happen? You break any more expensive things? What do you get to share? It's kind of way in the past now, but I did go to TwitchCon.

Speaker 2 I'm not going to talk about the issues with the con itself because there was some crazy shit that happened. How was the IRL streamers? Actually, you know what?

Speaker 2 It was way less bad than I thought it would be. Oh, people have been all over it on social media.
It's all I hear about. I assumed I would walk into TwitchCon and it would just be like,

Speaker 2 you could spot them from a ways away and just kind of wander away from them and stay. I didn't interact with a single IRL streamer the whole time.
It was glorious.

Speaker 2 But San Diego is a fucking great city, man. It is.
San Diego is beautiful. I had a beautiful time.

Speaker 2 And the convention center there is very nice. It was a lovely, it was set up well.
It was very fun. I don't want to talk about the rest of it, but I had a great time.

Speaker 2 Also, I was there on my birthday so that was pretty fun i didn't text you but i tweeted you happy birthday really indirectly i don't think i texted you at all i apologize you tweeted me happy birthday i did i don't like to celebrate my birthday everyone my family is always like what do you want for your birthday and i'm like don't yeah i feel that oh it was it was cool san diego's great we don't want to talk about it the con man i don't know if you guys saw yeah you didn't know what happened i i mean i saw i saw an incident that happened it was a crazy assault on a specific streamer that was like, and the situation that led up to that

Speaker 2 not like banning her security.

Speaker 2 Which is, I mean, I know you don't want to talk about it, but it's like, I can't, I can't fathom. Just unbelievable.
It doesn't make any sense to me.

Speaker 2 Like in this day and age, when enough incidents have occurred in the past, how security could not be of maximal concern, it blows my mind. So, yeah.
It's really sad.

Speaker 2 I don't want to talk about it, but I've also heard different opinions, or not different opinions, different descriptions of of what happened, one being from Twitch and the other being from the person and, you know, people around them, which is interesting to say the least.

Speaker 2 I think I know who I believe, and it's probably not the company. I mean, we don't have to not say their name.

Speaker 2 No, well, yeah, well, that's just why that was the only reason I really want to talk about it. It's a thing that's been on my mind, but like, we don't really know what happened.

Speaker 2 I've seen the some video angles of what happened, but like, I don't want to hear say I don't want to, whatever.

Speaker 2 The people involved that know what happened, whoever it happened to, and like the issue is, I just can't believe that that was even able to happen. It's fucking crazy.
But, but San Diego, lovely.

Speaker 2 Thank you so much, San Diego. Great weekend.
I've only been there once. Love the city.
That was where you became the king of meat. Was that in San Diego? I guess you said it was San Diego, right?

Speaker 2 Yeah. Yeah, that was the San Diego Fogo de Trow on tour.
I've been there twice then, I guess.

Speaker 2 I forgot about the tour one because the tour, we stopped in cities, but it wasn't like we had a lot of time to explore them. No, it could have been anywhere.
I, that we didn't see San Diego.

Speaker 2 We We saw the foco in the theater. But I guess if we did a show there, then I've been there twice because I was there for, I think, a TwitchCon seven years ago or something, eight years ago.

Speaker 2 I don't know, one of the earlier ones.

Speaker 2 But I do want to say, I do want to say, heart goes out to Emiru just to so we're done seem like we're all dancing around in anyway, because it's just like, I know that that's, that's got to be rough one way or another.

Speaker 2 Yeah, I know. I don't, I don't know Emiru personally in any way, but that's fucking terrible.

Speaker 2 We had, we had an experience where someone was just kind of of vaguely threatening and creepy, and I cannot imagine how it must feel to actually have someone get all the way to you, do something

Speaker 2 to you, touch you, whatever, like nightmare scenario. But Mark, happy stuff.
Happy stuff? I ain't got none of that. Bro, get up your warm up your highs.
It's going to be real sad again. Hi.

Speaker 2 Yeah, I know, right?

Speaker 2 Well, actually,

Speaker 2 it's kind of happy news because

Speaker 2 fucking might finally have this curse lifted off of my soul. The actual burden that has chained me for three years.
Being short?

Speaker 2 Yeah, it might be finally movie time. I mean, sad that this wonderful journey that it's been.
You seem oddly less relieved than I would have thought.

Speaker 2 You seem a little bit like you're just, you just want to kick this thing out of your life and never touch it again. Fuck, yes, I do.

Speaker 2 Get this thing out of me. Man, I am so.

Speaker 2 I mean, it's not, it's not done for a while. I got a little bit more to do.
There's some cool steps coming up. I'm going to be at the Warner Brothers mixing stage.

Speaker 2 That doesn't mean anything, everybody. Doesn't fucking mean anything.
Don't go crazy about that one. Wink.
It's just a place.

Speaker 2 So I'll be there for two weeks.

Speaker 2 And then

Speaker 2 there's the last steps.

Speaker 2 What do do I always call it? I cannot wait for the Animaniac's crossover with your movie.

Speaker 2 No, I don't care this time. Editors edited in twice.
Iron Lung 2, Yako Zadie Adventure. Fuck your secrets.

Speaker 2 I'm done with your fucking secrets. I'm the host.
Put it in three times. All right.
Yep. Wow, God.
Anyway, so the final steps.

Speaker 2 The final sprint. Final stretch? Final stretch, That's what I always call it.
The final stretch.

Speaker 2 Patented mark term.

Speaker 2 Look, the project,

Speaker 2 everyone's going to laugh at this later, but I'll say it now. Why not? My project file, which of which I have hundreds of backups because I backed up pretty much every day that I've had it open.

Speaker 2 I close it and I back it up and close it. It's called Iron Long underscore Finals 6.

Speaker 2 That's literally what it's called because

Speaker 2 and I know it's legitimately because it kept saying there's already a file of this name. Do you want to replace every time I try to column?

Speaker 2 I was like, surely it can't be Final Thor. Oh, fuck.
Oh, fuck. Oh, fuck.
Final six.

Speaker 2 The sixth Final Iron Lung. I didn't know it was a six-part movie series.
Man. Oh, man.
It's going to be crazy.

Speaker 2 But anyway, more info soon, but not that soon. Well, that's exciting.
But almost, congrats. Thanks.
Almost. Thank you.

Speaker 2 I just got to say, this is the the first time in a while I've gotten to write down a lie point down. I don't know why I got an accent.

Speaker 2 First time I've gotten to write down a lie point because Mark said no happy and then gave some happy news. So the no happy ends up being a lie.

Speaker 2 So maybe the wheel will do something fun with the lie point for no happy. Oh, that's true.
That'll be a game changer. No, I won't.

Speaker 2 The wheel says half point for Wade.

Speaker 2 I mean, listen, if I'm back on top, so be it. I don't know why I keep getting accents.
I need to. Yeah, all right.
Accent, I have no idea what it was supposed to be. That's cool.
Congrats, Mark.

Speaker 2 Maybe. Thank you.
Hopefully. Almost.
When you get the final 69, let us know. I know people won't believe this at all because I've said final stress so many times, but guys,

Speaker 2 just wait, please. It's a markiplier promise.

Speaker 2 I had another thing. It's kind of a funny situation because I got married, right? And so there were some posts that were on the internet about it.
That's hilarious.

Speaker 2 Me and Amy's picture from our wedding, is now the number one all-time top post in the Five Nights of Freddy subreddit.

Speaker 2 The previous top post was an apology post from Scott Coffin about something about his movie. So we've dethroned them and we're number one in the Five Nights of Freddy's subreddit.

Speaker 2 So yeah.

Speaker 2 Congrats. Thank you.
I think. You did it, man.

Speaker 2 We made it. No, it was very sweet of them.
Like, I did appreciate it because there were some people, some people on that post were like, why is this there? But everyone else was just like, well,

Speaker 2 come on, him and FNAF.

Speaker 2 Come on. And so everyone was just very nicely upvoting it.

Speaker 2 And I think they wanted to dethrone that apology post for being the number one one. Anyway, thank you very much.

Speaker 2 You should make an apology post for dethroning the apology post and see if you can get that to number one. That could be the new highest upvoted thing.
It could be. It could be.
It won't be.

Speaker 2 And hey, maybe that'll be the top post on that subreddit forever unless I die. And then I'm probably be the number one on that subreddit.
So got something to look forward to.

Speaker 2 I think the best record I can say is whenever I proposed to Molly at PAX, we were the number one like Twitch clip for a week, that proposal moment.

Speaker 2 Why didn't you bring this up on the last episode, man? Yeah, that would have been a good 24-hour record. Number one proposal highlight clip for number one Twitch clip.
All of Twitch. Number one clip.

Speaker 2 You were the number one clip. I guess that would have been worldwide.
That is the criteria. Worldwide on Twitch.
That's how that works. Yeah.
Can I get a retroactive point for that? You already won.

Speaker 2 And no. I'm going to give myself a point for that.
I can do that. Can do that, but it doesn't mean anything in the world of personal single-day world records.
You're still...

Speaker 2 the same winner you always were. Thank you.
I feel good about that right now. I might win this episode.
Congrats, man.

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Speaker 2 This episode is brought to you by T-Mobile 5G Home Internet. Mark and I have known each other since college and we connected fast.

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Speaker 2 well happy halloween everyone you guys have anything else you want to bring up or am i welcome to transition into uh making you all work i don't want to work but i guess that's the next part i don't want to work either can we have fun instead that's great so what i figured we would do for today is make you guys find

Speaker 2 scary news stories

Speaker 2 Or just scary stories. Scary things that happen.
I mean, real scary stuff. It's Halloween.
It's time to inflict terror and fear on our audience.

Speaker 2 You did give us some prep time for this, so I did it because otherwise, I would subject the audience to me typing. As and my microphone is from my keyboard, so me typing sounds like this.

Speaker 2 That's not an exaggeration. That's actually what it sounds like.
Editors, edit my hands. Oh, typing.
Wait. Anyway, I have one right away.
I'm ready to win this one.

Speaker 2 This is spooky because Halloween is about witches and what are witches about?

Speaker 2 That's right.

Speaker 2 Frogs? Okay. Frogs.
They'll curse you into a toad or something like that, right? So this is Halloween related. I got distracted when you did this.

Speaker 2 Riverside showed me that you were giving me a thumbs up. Oh, I know.
No, that wasn't Riverside. That was me.

Speaker 2 Me.

Speaker 2 Me.

Speaker 2 Wow.

Speaker 2 Oh, boy.

Speaker 2 Never gets old. Anyway, watch out, everyone.
It's get to a toilet again. Once again, toilet warning.
You're about to shit yourself from the fear you're about to have.

Speaker 2 Chinese woman swallows eight live frogs to ease back pain.

Speaker 2 I hate that. What is the what? What? What? What? It's so terrifying your mind can't comprehend it.

Speaker 2 That's fucked up. It was reported that she consumed three of the frogs right away and the remaining five the following day.
Take three of these and call me in the morning.

Speaker 2 How do you eat a frog whole alive? Like, how do you swallow it? In your mouth, probably. But they're big.
Well, these weren't that big. I think they fit in the palm of her hand.

Speaker 2 So, you know, they're not huge frogs. I imagine.
They're not like palm-sized frogs. The power of the sun can fit in the palm of your hand.
Of course, a frog can. Not my hand.

Speaker 2 Did I tell you that time Chica tried to eat a frog? Probably in a hunt. Okay, another Chica story cup has nothing to do with Halloween, but it was scary for us because we didn't know what's happening.

Speaker 2 So Chica loves the park, right? And we're taking her for a walk like we occasionally do. You know, every once in a while we feel like it.
And we're like, all right, you can go outside.

Speaker 2 And she's sniffing around. And there was these frogs all over the ground.

Speaker 2 It was kind of scary because we didn't know if we were stepping on them previously because we only noticed them halfway being in the middle of them so in this entire field there's little tiny frog i'm talking tiny like you could hold it between your fingers but you wouldn't want to and i'll tell you why later because they're they're going

Speaker 2 every time we walk it's like the ground suddenly is moving like all these frogs are like holy there's a lot it's not complete carpet but it's a lot and so chica is very oblivious to things for a long time but as soon as she notices something she hyperfixates right so we are like whoa there's a lot of frogs we go to chica don't look at the frogs.

Speaker 2 And she's like, looks up at us, doesn't notice a thing. And we're going for a walking if you're fine.
And then the frogs were trying to walk slowly there. She's sniffing the ground, seeing nothing.

Speaker 2 But then

Speaker 2 she locks onto a frog, pulls me so hard. It's like, she's like, fucking snakes.

Speaker 2 And then she grabs a frog and goes,

Speaker 2 and then immediately it's like,

Speaker 2 like, gags it out. Suddenly, her mouth just starts going

Speaker 2 foam just

Speaker 2 out of her mouth, all like completely just running down her big lips. Her cheek flaps.

Speaker 2 And I thought she was poisoned. I was like, oh, God, no.
So I'm like frantically Googling like frog, mouth, dog, foam.

Speaker 2 And they're just covered in this bitter thing that makes

Speaker 2 her do that. And so she's like,

Speaker 2 and we're like, oh, shit, Chica, you okay?

Speaker 2 Frog.

Speaker 2 Ghost bite for another frog.

Speaker 2 Like she got it, like she was addicted to whatever the horrible sensation was that she got from the first frog. And I went, oh, we're not so different after all.
And meanwhile, I'm like,

Speaker 2 and so she, ever since then, she looks for the frogs because I think she felt something. I don't know.

Speaker 2 She liked it. I don't think she got high from the frogs, but you never know.
My friend Jared had a black lab that did something very similar.

Speaker 2 Whenever he'd find a toad, he'd like hold it up and his dog Jake would sniff it and go

Speaker 2 and then start foaming at the mouth, but he'd always come back to smell it again, even though it was like

Speaker 2 every time. Love those frogs.
Short-term memory, it's like, oh, this is terrible. What is that? Oh, God, it's so gross.
One more time.

Speaker 2 Humans do it all the time. Humans love that shit.
But she calls a frog. And frog equal witches? Oh, yeah.
And this lady swallowed eight frogs.

Speaker 2 Yeah, and she developed a horrible, horrible parasitic infection. But her back pain.
But her back was better? I don't see anything about it. Wow.

Speaker 2 That's good.

Speaker 2 She was in the hospital for two weeks. What a riveting story.

Speaker 2 I thought it was funny. Bob, you find a story? A family in Houston, Texas bought a doll that said fun quotes from the movie Frozen, but then it wouldn't stop doing it.

Speaker 2 2013, they got the doll for Christmas. It was very cute.
You pressed a button on the neck and it would say things from the movie and sing the song Let It Go. And it was just a little doll.

Speaker 2 Maybe a little creepy, whatever, it's just a little doll. For two years after they got it, it did that in English.
And then in 2015, it started doing it in Spanish.

Speaker 2 And then switching back and forth between Spanish and English. There was not a way to change these.
This was just a thing it started doing.

Speaker 2 The family has owned this doll for more than six years, never once changed the batteries or checked on it, and it just says whatever it wants. It does, well, that's misleading.

Speaker 2 It says things from the movie. It says the quotes from the movie.
It sings the song, but it just triggers itself. It just goes, it'll just, and that happens.

Speaker 2 You know, it sometimes toys a funky button. Sometimes,

Speaker 2 sometimes it's in Spanish. I guess that happens.

Speaker 2 but in 2019 they decided to throw out the creepy doll they were finally done weeks later in the new year they found it inside a bench in their living room the kids insisted that they did not put it in there inside a bench like a storage bench i assume like you know how they have like benches but like the top opens you put like shoes it wasn't like embedded in there like half teleported you know stuck it was like in a place in a low place where a kid might be able to get to it.

Speaker 2 But the kids said they didn't do that. So obviously they did.
Obviously, yeah. And when the doll came back of its own accord, it stopped speaking English completely and only spoke in Spanish.

Speaker 2 They then apparently put it in two trash bags, put it at the bottom of their garbage can, watched the garbage can get dumped into the truck on garbage day the next day, went on a trip shortly thereafter, and returned to the doll being in the backyard of their home.

Speaker 2 This time, to get rid of it, they mailed it in a box to family friends in Minnesota, who then taped the haunted doll to the front bumper of his truck. Because why wouldn't you?

Speaker 2 That's what I wanted to do the whole time I was reading this story. Anyway, it hasn't found its way back to Houston because it lives on that guy's truck.
And that's scary news.

Speaker 2 I got even scarier. I get something that's going to scare your fucking pants off because of the implications that it is suggesting.
Viewer discretion is advised. This headline will terrify you.

Speaker 2 Union City Police Department captures two local hamburglars. Let that sink in.
There was more than one hamburgler. And now

Speaker 2 there are. It is known there are at

Speaker 2 there's the balloons.

Speaker 2 Hey, balloons scary balloons who knows how many hamburgler okay i don't know if you've ever seen like mcdonald's creepypasta like creepy versions of the mcdonald's mascot characters hamburgler terrifies me more than grimace right grimace is scary the hamburgler that ain't right you know because he's not really human he kind of looks vaguely human like like the others you can imagine humans in those costumes the hamburgler that's not right And now there's more than two of them.

Speaker 2 There might just be two, but I doubt it if there's more than one. There's probably more.

Speaker 2 There's probably more.

Speaker 2 Is the hamburgler not human? No, he looks human. Have you ever seen a human look like that? There are some images, man.
There's one. Yeah, there's a few.
He doesn't look right. He's not human.

Speaker 2 You ever seen him?

Speaker 2 That's no.

Speaker 2 The hamburgler is fucking terrifying. I don't care what anybody says.
I don't like the hamburger. I don't like his...
I don't like what he does.

Speaker 2 Why is he welcoming the gang with the people that are making the hamburgers? Because he's clearly the hamburgler. So it's rotten all the way down.
Pretty much.

Speaker 2 Also in the story, you read into it, and they were stealing from a help center. So, you know, that's even scarier.
Wait, were they actually stealing things that weren't cheeseburgers?

Speaker 2 I mean, a lot of meat.

Speaker 2 mostly burger patties. All right, if you read the article, it starts to just be like a robbery, but the headline is the scary part, okay? There are some wild Reddit threads about the hamburgler.

Speaker 2 I've gone through a couple now, and people debate their feelings on the hamburger, but some people agree with you. They're like, he's just genuinely, irredeemably terrifying.

Speaker 2 I wasn't aware of the multi-hamburgler verse. It's terrifying.
You don't want to face the truth, but it's out there.

Speaker 2 I never paid that much attention to him because it was always just like, it was just a cartoon hamburger, but some of the more realistic depictions of him are quite unsettling.

Speaker 2 While you're thinking, just to to read, go back, some of the characters from like franchises in like the, I don't know, 30s to 60s range. What were people thinking?

Speaker 2 I mean, stuff was different back then, man. I don't know.
Have you ever seen early Disney mascots? Terrifying. All right, I'm going to show you a picture.
I'm going to show you one.

Speaker 2 Don't look it up yourself. I want to show it to you.
Viewer discretion is advised. Get ready, buddy.
You're not. Boom.

Speaker 1 Oh, is that Mickey and Minnie with like horrible squid face?

Speaker 2 It's like it looks like they are like scarred.

Speaker 2 Everything about it makes my skin crawl the way the eyes are. It looks like they used to be people.
And their face got ripped and stretched in the shape of a mouse.

Speaker 2 Or kind of like Jack Nicholson's Joker if he was also Mickey Mouse. No, mascots back then were awful.

Speaker 2 Just horrifying.

Speaker 2 Dude, those dead, staring eyes that aren't even looking in a certain direction it's a picture of like a dad holding his son who looks a little uneasy and then i think maybe i mean i'm assuming it's his son and maybe his daughter who looks genuinely happy like she looks like she's having a good time that kid the boy that he's holding he doesn't look so sure and the dad's looking up like i'm also not so sure No, there's nothing about it.

Speaker 2 It's good. And they don't get better for a while.
Like they're, they're this for a long time. So even her feet.
What's going on with her shoes? I don't know what that's about. She She's got hooves.

Speaker 2 Like bandaged hooves? The surgery was tough, man.

Speaker 2 All right, I'm just going to stop looking at this because I don't like it. Yeah.
Yeah. It wasn't, it wasn't wasn't good.
Oh, that wasn't even the earliest one. Holy shit.
Wait. Oh, Bob.

Speaker 2 I hope you can cleanse our palate.

Speaker 2 Wait a minute. Okay, wait.

Speaker 2 We've got Mickey through the years, apparently. Look at Mr.
Mickey on the left. Apparently, that was the first iteration.
Oh, man.

Speaker 2 I don't even know where I'm supposed to look. What? It looks like a cryptid Mickey.
I don't know.

Speaker 2 In the nicest way possible, it looks like they walked into a second-grade art class where kids are just like, like, finger painting and having a good time.

Speaker 2 And they were like, make us a costume of a mouse the size of a man. And the kids were like, I don't know what a mouse looks like.

Speaker 2 And then this is this is what happened. And he's got gloves.
Don't forget the gloves. How do they go from that to the horrible scarred squid face? And then it's just like skinny buff Mickey.

Speaker 2 Mickey is just a guy body with a Mickey Mouse head, just real skinny and toned. I don't know.
If I woke up to three, I think I'd also be true.

Speaker 2 Just standing like that with arms on hips over your bed, just like...

Speaker 2 Oh, boy. Good morning, Mark.
Yo, Mickey's voice actually changed a lot too. The far left Mickey on the picture walks up.
He's like, hey, what's up, kids?

Speaker 2 yeah I'm a mouse I don't even imagine English I imagine the first one walks up and you just hear like

Speaker 2 you want to smoke kids make sure you listen to your doctors and smoke your lucky strikes every day Mickey Mouse only smokes lucky strikes I think you know it's not two I feel like one is just gurgly noises and two is that uh two two is like inhuman noises to me yeah one one has too much like humanity still because it's mostly just a person with whatever happened to the face.

Speaker 2 But two is like the pants give it a shape.

Speaker 2 It's more uncanny somehow to me. One looks like somehow a slit in the throat is the mouth, is what one looks like to me.
Oh, gosh.

Speaker 2 Yeah, now I see that. Okay, yeah.
You want to know how I got this mouth? I like, I don't like it.

Speaker 2 It looks like their mouth would lift from like the base of their neck or the top of their neck with the jaw. Just like, hey, I'm

Speaker 2 no, I do see that now that you're saying it. Number two just has a musical theme as he's walking towards you, and it's just

Speaker 2 two is like Cthulhu and Mickey had a baby. Tell me, Minnie Mouse, do you fear death?

Speaker 2 Oh god, there's worse. Oh, no, no, how is there more?

Speaker 2 Sorry,

Speaker 2 I can't just keep showing this, but quick, just quick.

Speaker 1 Oh, God.

Speaker 2 Oh, no,

Speaker 2 oh no there's the kid on his knees that's gotta be like homemade like rental costumes or something or some that's gotta be a reason for that there's no way what is with the odd so we're looking at mickey and mini but like from from halloween horror wish.com is it just i i can't tell you why do they look french to you guys Yeah, I'm getting a little French from that.

Speaker 2 I could see that, yeah. I could weirdly see it, but I don't know why.
This popped up in my head which is like oh what are we going to do with this child

Speaker 2 like something unsettlingly french and i'm sorry french people but that's it's not a judgment about you there's just something there's just something no they get it i think i think they get it the kid looks like his left eye like he has a black eye in his left eye too does he's got a weird shadow over his face he looks so happy or some emotion editor zoom in on that is that a smile

Speaker 2 it's It's not. I think it's not a smile.
For some reason, the kid is standing like down on his knees in the photo, and like Minnie and Mickey are standing around him.

Speaker 2 He's wearing like dress pants and a dress shirt with a tie. I think he's got dress shorts on.
Oh, maybe they are. Yeah, I guess they are short.

Speaker 2 I just thought it was like a bad render, but yeah, I guess they are shorts. I just don't know why he's on his knees unless he's about to be executed.
That's the only reason I could say.

Speaker 2 I don't either, because it's not like if he stood up, he'd be taller than these monstrosities.

Speaker 2 An extra foot, and he's at shoulder height. I don't know why he's, yeah, everything it's weird, anyway.
All right, enough of that.

Speaker 2 Bob, any kind of palette? Happy Halloween, everyone. Any kind of palette cleanser from that? Oh, yeah, no, no, no, yeah, uh, yeah, no, no, yeah, no.
Uh, let me just share this real quick.

Speaker 2 Oh, thank god, this is gonna be fine. It's gonna be uh, perfect.
Ew,

Speaker 2 okay,

Speaker 2 in the English village of Rockdale, Rochdale, Rockdale, this giant baby statue thing just appeared in the town square with no actual explanation. And there is an explanation.

Speaker 2 And I can tell you, it doesn't help. Okay, let me describe this for our listeners.
There is a very, very large, almost paper-mâché looking baby with...

Speaker 2 action figure conjoint arms and hands that look like you can bend them the arms apparently are like poseable it's like a it's like a doll it's you can and and there's a I think a guy doing a really shitty cosplay of Wendy from Wendy's with his arms up in confusion walking toward some construction working kids.

Speaker 2 What are you all looking at? There's nothing to see.

Speaker 2 Get a junior bacon. A classic English accent.
Thank you.

Speaker 2 Where do you think we got it from?

Speaker 2 No, don't worry, guys. I can explain this.
Obviously, this giant 19-foot-tall baby doll statue was erected for school children to come and talk and sing to it.

Speaker 2 Obviously, this mysterious appearance of this doll was soon followed by a post from the Rockdale Borough Council's Facebook page that was a video of a group of school children with an adult dressed, the lady with the red hair dressed up kind of like she's the host of a kid show or something.

Speaker 2 I don't know what the deal is with that. The school children that you see in the picture that I'm sharing with you are singing twinkle, twinkle, little star, to the doll.

Speaker 2 Whose eyes are closed with weird kind of red rings around them. Yeah, the red is weird.
And what is the symbol on baby's belly? I think there might have been people in it.

Speaker 2 Doesn't that look like it's like mesh? Like someone sits in there and looks out of it. Yeah, it looks like you go in through the mouth and you get digested in the belly.

Speaker 2 Look, kids, you can watch how digestion digestion works.

Speaker 2 Guys,

Speaker 2 I know we're being funny, but obviously, this was erected as part of a campaign to encourage school children to talk about the importance of environmental issues.

Speaker 2 It all makes sense when you hear the full explanation, when you see the video of the kids singing Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star to the Giant Baby Doll, it all comes together.

Speaker 2 Also, the baby's name is Lily,

Speaker 2 and there apparently are videos of just kids standing in front of Lily talking about how they're going to recycle more.

Speaker 2 Also, a number of people seem to think it reminded them in an uncanny way of the puppet doll from a squid game that does the red light, green light bit. I have one question.

Speaker 2 You said it was 19 feet tall. Is that only when it's sitting? Because I see the people next to it, and it looks like I could stack four of them on top of each other and reach the head.

Speaker 2 I fear its true height is actually much taller. When Lily learns to walk, it's going to be a problem.
I think you're on to something, Brug.

Speaker 2 Looks like there's a team of people in the back holding Lily down to make sure Lily doesn't attack the children. They've got like ropes or something.
Yep, I see that. I see that.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 Yeah, you don't want to have something like this just sitting out in the open, unrestrained. You know, we've all seen those movies.
It's a cloudy day, which makes sense. Oh, it's just England.

Speaker 2 Are those pillows or body bags?

Speaker 2 What are we dealing with? I honestly couldn't tell you. I think they're pillows for the children to come and sit upon when they speak to Lily about the nature of the environment.

Speaker 2 I think those are also tastefully covering Lily's junk because I'm not sure that Lily has a diaper for some reason. Oh, it's a baby.
Babies can be naked. That's fine.
It's whatever.

Speaker 2 I don't want to sing Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star to Naked Paper-Mache Giant Baby doll myself. Look, you don't have to sing.

Speaker 2 You just have to bring your plans for how you're going to conserve more water in your household. Yeah, you just have to be honest.
It'll know if you're lying. The singing is extra.

Speaker 2 That's just for Lily's enjoyment. But if you don't come with a solid environmental plan, Lily eats you and you see what digestion feels like from the inside.

Speaker 2 Anyway, I don't know why the hell anyone would have ever done that, but what a thing to do in October for some reason.

Speaker 2 What would you do if that just popped up like somewhere by your house and you just were driving by and there was a 19 foot tall baby thing sitting there would you just like ignore it and hope that you never learned anything about it and it just went away before it caused any problems or would you go investigate like i don't know what i would do seeing it once appear once is probably okay but much like the hamburgler if it appears twice like it's it's in the town square the first time you're like oh that's where you go home it's in your local park then i'd start to be like okay all right i see where i see where this is going i see where it's going i don't know i think i've had enough enough Halloween.

Speaker 2 You guys had enough Halloween? Hooray. I'm scared.
Yeah, I mean, I got one more, but, you know. Okay, if you guys want to do a speed round, get us out of here.
Mouth cleanser.

Speaker 2 Something better than hamburglers and Disney mascots and Lily. I don't even want to talk about this one anymore.

Speaker 2 I was going to swing it into some other kind of scary, like the hamburgler, but it wasn't really scary.

Speaker 2 I'm embarrassed now. So you don't want to share it? I mean, I'll share if you really want it, but you're going to hear me say the title and you're going to be like, nah, guys, enough of that.

Speaker 2 All right, go for it.

Speaker 2 Did you stop the title?

Speaker 2 No.

Speaker 2 Meet the nut maxers obsessed with shooting bigger loads.

Speaker 2 You were right. You were right.

Speaker 2 That's it. That's all we needed.
You were absolutely right. This is a GQ article, so I'm like, I don't know if they commonly talk about these issues, but I'm like, isn't that a repeatable publication?

Speaker 2 Dude, I love the annual nut maxing issue of GQ. It's my favorite.
Is this the December issue that comes after No Nut November? No, this was just last week.

Speaker 2 Actually, this was written when we were recording. It was literally October 14th, 2025, by Charlie Soznick.

Speaker 2 Charlie.

Speaker 2 Some of the most important discoveries in medicine came from brave people experimenting on themselves. Jonas Salk tested his polio vaccine on himself and his family.

Speaker 2 Isaac Newton poked a blunt needle into his own eye socket to understand how we see life. Not what I remember him for.
And these brave dudes can't stop gooning.

Speaker 2 They can't.

Speaker 2 Okay. And they're using their own bodies and testers.
The Redditors on,

Speaker 2 I'm not going to read the subreddit, have determined that a combination of zinc, pygium, and L-citrulline, and lecithin.

Speaker 2 Fuck. Lecithin is the holy grail of gum.
Oh, okay. 47,000 visitors, 600 weekly contributions.

Speaker 2 I think it's more active than ours.

Speaker 2 Oh, no.

Speaker 2 We just need to sell more sex on distractible. What turned these men into citizen chiz scientists? A growing interest in self-optization.
Anyway,

Speaker 2 it's a community. You've heard of Citizen Kane.
Have you heard of Citizen Jiz?

Speaker 2 No, I haven't. You know, it turns out, actually, Jizz is the name of his sled at the end of the movie.

Speaker 2 I didn't think that one was going to land at all.

Speaker 2 You guys like old movies, huh? That one worked out. God, ever since Who's Line? I didn't know they constantly make that joke about Rosebud and the sled.

Speaker 2 And like, so I know, I've never seen the movie, but I know I love any joke about it. So good.

Speaker 2 Oh, my God.

Speaker 2 Well, thanks for sharing, Mark. Yeah, you want to hear more?

Speaker 2 Not really.

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Speaker 2 Bob, any last minuteers from you? I'm ending this travesty. Viewer discretion is advised.

Speaker 2 Yeah, no, apparently there's a disorder, syndrome, a rare condition that affects how a person sees faces. I'll just share this.

Speaker 2 I don't even know how to describe it, but it like widens everything in a way to where it's like, and the face on the left is like how it's actually constructed and then the face on the right is like a wide like demonic mouth smile and yeah i got this uh listeners imagine the first mario party the mini game where you had to like stretch people's eyes and mouths and noses uh just imagine stretching the eyes out the nose out and the mouth all the way to the ears almost no actually no i got it i got a better i got a better way imagine if a guy was so obsessed with donkey kong that he got plastic surgery to make his face look exactly like Donkey Kong.

Speaker 2 And you tell me that's not Donkey Kong right there.

Speaker 2 That's what it looks like. Anyway, I'm sorry to scare everyone so violently with that.

Speaker 2 You can trigger that in yourself if you play that video where it's like you're supposed to stare in the middle and it'll change the people's faces on either side to go chunk, chunk, chunk.

Speaker 2 Because if you watch that video where you stare at the center and then the faces change, you look at them in your periphery and when they change, the features from the previous ones linker over to the next one as it goes faster, faster, they look more monstrous.

Speaker 2 But as soon as you look towards them, they look perfectly normal. But you stare in the center, it'll look horrifying.
Works with almost everybody. No, this is a crazy thing.

Speaker 2 Only 75 recorded cases is what this article reports. Wow.
And this fellow in Tennessee.

Speaker 2 Had perfect vision. He's like a middle-aged dude, had perfect vision for his whole life, woke up one day and had this and just about lost his entire shit because everyone looked not human anymore.

Speaker 2 For no reason, would you think, like, I would think actually that I either I'd gone crazy or like the whole world was being like taken over by, I don't know what I would believe if I, if I saw that, I would definitely think I was going crazy.

Speaker 2 I would assume that I was having it was a hallucination. And apparently, the exactly how it is distorted is different on a person-by-person basis.

Speaker 2 So it's not like it has to do something with your physiology or your mental interpretations of stuff.

Speaker 2 It's connected to the person who is experiencing the syndrome as well. But I would definitely just think like something is wrong with me.
I would

Speaker 2 see a doctor or something. You know, who else should see a doctor? All the people on that subreddit, because all those brave heroes, those citizen jiz scientists.

Speaker 2 I'm just glad we didn't have any images to share for the jizz scientists.

Speaker 2 It's like one of those pop science articles, and it's just like a image of a white lab table, very sterile, and it's just like

Speaker 2 a big splat across. And you open it, and your first reaction is like, ugh.
But then you're like, well, that is a lot.

Speaker 2 Like, that does, you know, they're on to something.

Speaker 2 Like, that looks like a surprising amount. If that's a real representation, like, they did something, you know, like, good job.
I highly doubt any of that actually does anything.

Speaker 2 But, you know, only one way to find out.

Speaker 2 We're going to do the month-long distractible scientific challenge.

Speaker 2 Just to make it all really controlled, we're going to do no-nut December straight into big gizz December. No, no, not November, straight into Big Jiz December.

Speaker 2 So, points. I got a point for...
Oh, last episode. I had the Twitch clip number one for a week with Molly.
So I got a point for last episode and this episode for that. Yeah, you don't.

Speaker 2 That's not that.

Speaker 2 Bob, you got points for Bald. We don't want to say.
San Diego Heart. Boo at my riveting joke.
Frozen doll bilingual. Frozen doll coming back.

Speaker 2 Lily. Dot dot dot.
Rockdale baby statue. Oh, the lily came after that one.
Wide face. For a total of nine points.
Mark, you got points for confusing. No happy, which is a lie point.

Speaker 2 Number one FNAF post. Movie done, which is why the no happy was a lie point.
That one also feels like a lie point. It might be a lie.
There might be a retroactive lie. Who knows?

Speaker 2 We'll just put it as a lie. It's been a lie so far.
Why wouldn't it be now?

Speaker 2 Damn. Happy Halloween.
Witches equal frog. Chica love frog.
You have magical balloons times three.

Speaker 2 You laughed at my ribboning joke. Two hamburglers.
Maximum nutting via GQ for a total of 12 points, which two of which are lie points. So right now it's 12 to 9, but two lie points.

Speaker 2 For the wheel, I'm going to be that guy, and I'm going to say the addition this time is minus 5% one man's show. Oh, sure.
Hey, look, guys. The wheel says we're going to do three spins again.

Speaker 2 Ooh, you know what's funny about that minus 5%?

Speaker 2 Can you make it minus 7%?

Speaker 2 Because if it goes back from 6%, it can be 99%

Speaker 2 chance.

Speaker 2 Minus 7%.

Speaker 2 Because I love the risk part of it. Like, yes, it could decrease it, but also it could guarantee it.
We have to remember to add 10 next time. I did it.
Oh, okay. I didn't know you did already.

Speaker 2 I did that. Yeah.
All right. Minus 7% to one man show.
12 to 9 to 1, 3 spins. Shalst we?

Speaker 2 I'm so ready. Man, I can't even kind of guess what it's going to.
No!

Speaker 2 surprise golf rules.

Speaker 2 Wade can't fucking win. What the fuck? Well, no, we've never we've never allowed the host to win with golf rules.
It would be Bob. Oh, man.

Speaker 2 I think it means Bob. Is it just end, or is that for right now that you're in the lead? I think that just is a rule.
Previously, it has happened at the end of the spins.

Speaker 2 Okay, so least amount of points now wins, meaning if Bob, go, bob get these wheel spins go go go

Speaker 2 come on bob so right now bob's winning nine to twelve all right bob's winning nine to twelve i love that for me but i've got two lie points so those aren't real points until the thing comes in there right that's true deserves most sympathy uh mark lied to us twice i don't know if he deserves sympathy for that No, I had happy.

Speaker 2 I was so happy. That's why I was.
So I was really happy. Oh, I see.
Yeah, and I found that subreddit. So I'm going to be so happy now.
You know, I'm going to say respin.

Speaker 2 Nobody deserves sympathy this time. All right.

Speaker 2 Respin. No sympathy this time.
Respin. Sympathy was last episode.

Speaker 2 Most self-sabotage? Mark. Well, hold on.
Maybe not, Mark. Yeah, how did you arrive at Mark? Yeah, no, I was killing it.
I was crushing it. I was destroying it, I think.
Yeah, Mark lied.

Speaker 2 Oh, wait, you're saying, oh, I was saying neither of us self-sabotaged. You're saying I self-sabotaged.
Well, you booed at my riveting joke, and you knew better.

Speaker 2 Dude, Bob was tripping over his own feet the whole of us. Oh, he did.
Yeah, he'd do better than that. He's tripping over my outrageous piles of jizz.
All right, Reef then, that's fair. I don't know.

Speaker 2 You either tie or neither one.

Speaker 2 Used best word.

Speaker 2 Nutmaxing. No, not that word.
I used no words this episode. I used no words.
No.

Speaker 2 No words. I don't think I said words this episode at all.
I think it was a lot of grunting the entire time.

Speaker 2 Maximum nutting might be.

Speaker 2 I really liked nut maxing. I thought that was great.
Yeah, I think nut maxing probably gets it. It's okay, Mark.
You could always get double surprise golf rules. Yeah, would that undo it?

Speaker 2 I guess it would. It would flip it back, right? That's how it would work.

Speaker 2 It would flip it, I think. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Drank the most? You know, for the guy who was drinking a lot of water, I didn't drink anything in this episode. Last episode, I did.
I drank like half a Gatorade. All right, plus one for Bob.

Speaker 2 I wouldn't say that's a lot, but I guess that's more than Mark. So surprise golf rules.
Bob wins 10 to 13. All right, you love to see it.
Mark, you really crushed it this episode.

Speaker 2 You got so many porns? Porns? Mark, you got so many porns, man.

Speaker 1 Porns?

Speaker 2 You got so much porn, dude. Porn?

Speaker 2 Your porn's falling out of your dick over here. Look, I lost when I was winning, but that when was back then.
So that then's not now, so the win isn't now.

Speaker 2 But you know what? We're all winners because we've spread the wonderful news we've spread today. And I bemoan the idea that there will...
See, I'm number one on the Five Nights are Freddy subreddit.

Speaker 2 We better not get number one on that subreddit. I swear to God.
Not the nutmaxing subreddit.

Speaker 2 Wait, wait, editors, you couldn't bleep it. What was it called? What was the subreddit called that was so bad you wouldn't read it in the episode?

Speaker 2 It was literally called, well, I mean, I guess there's no harm in it. It was called.

Speaker 2 That's, it's a real boring. I feel like it should be nut maxing, is what it should be, but I didn't want to.
Yeah, how is it not R slash nut maxing? Like, I have no idea, you know. I don't know.

Speaker 2 Well, well said, I guess, Bob, um, really underperformed, got under my skin. Uh, didn't laugh at my joke.

Speaker 1 Congrats on the win. Winner speech.

Speaker 2 I booed you, the host, and one.

Speaker 2 That is the best of both worlds. I knew what I signed up for when I booed you.

Speaker 2 I knew that it sometimes that causes you to give points, so it is kind of, it's kind of a gambly both ways, but like I knew that that was risky, and uh, but also I knew that the wheel only picks between the same seven or eight responses, so so golf rules was due to come back up, you know?

Speaker 2 That's fair. I can't hear the phrase knew it was coming without cringing at this moment.
Came big time. Golf rules came all over everything.
Should this episode be called Fear Maxing?

Speaker 2 Don't like it that much, but not because it's a bad title, just because I don't want those images in my head where I can't see images, but I could

Speaker 2 sort of see them and they're

Speaker 2 thing.

Speaker 2 Even with Aphantasia, it really sticks with you.

Speaker 2 the only image you can have in your head is nutmeg that's the only image you're allowed to generate it's i have no there's no setting there's no setting there's no characters it's just the

Speaker 2 bob's aphantasia superpower is he can only see nutmeg

Speaker 2 Rotate rotate it in your head, Bob. Rotate it.
You can find Mark at Mark Apply or you can find Bob at MySkirt, me at Minion777 or Lord Minion777.

Speaker 1 And I guess Bob lost, so he won. So he'll host the next one.
Surprise golf rules.

Speaker 2 Until then, I hope you got your fear maxing in in October because you know what you can't do in November.

Speaker 2 Podcast out.