Bob's Top 5 (#2 Will Shock You!)

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Speaker 1 On Facebook, a little connection goes a long way, especially the night before Thanksgiving. Facebook is the only way I keep track of like a lot of my family members.

Speaker 1 Around the holidays, we're all like nostalgic and remembering like the time that we could all fit under one roof.

Speaker 1 And so we all reach out like, oh, have these stories and such, which is actually really, really nice. But you know what's even better than that? Things.

Speaker 1 Facebook Marketplace is my favorite.

Speaker 1 But it's even more fun when I have to go visit my stupid parents around the holidays and I can pull up Facebook Marketplace and see what's for sale around their house.

Speaker 1 I caught up with a friend I hadn't talked to. Would you buy?

Speaker 2 Few moments of their time.

Speaker 1 You had to pay for that?

Speaker 2 Ha, lane.

Speaker 1 Let's reconnect this holiday season with Facebook.

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Speaker 2 This episode. Behold and Bob calls COD, goes raiding, then ranks fun science facts.
Microbial Mark mourns man's best friend, Poor Henry.

Speaker 2 Mentions moonbows, questions wetness, and metallic camelipodalis. Whitening wade upgrades his pen, blows away bushwhackers, sees glory holes and fears Zeus' bolts.

Speaker 2 From humbling heaviness to cosmic latte.

Speaker 2 It's time for

Speaker 2 Bob's top five. Number two will shock you.

Speaker 2 Now sit back and prepare to be distracted and enjoy the show.

Speaker 2 Hello everybody and welcome back to your guinea pigs third favorite podcast. That's right, you're watching Distractible.

Speaker 2 And if you're listening, this intro is not for you because we all know that you're the real heroes here. Hey listeners, how you doing? Thanks so much for listening.
I really appreciate you.

Speaker 2 I'm your host for this episode. My name is Bob.
I've done this before, even though it, from my performance, you might question whether that's true. I have, I promise I have.

Speaker 2 I have won previous episodes. It is me, former winner Bob.
And joined today by my co-host slash competitors, just like always, Mark and Wade.

Speaker 2 Hi, I'm Mark. Howdy duty.
Wade's the one that said duty.

Speaker 2 If you've never seen this show before, the way this works is I am the host and I have like a game topic and I'm going to give out points.

Speaker 2 And then these two guys are trying to get points or not get points because we've had a lot of golf rules for how hard it is to do golf rules on this show.

Speaker 2 We've had a lot of golf rules coming out lately. This episode, my plan is for the highest number of points to win, but we'll see what the wheel has to say about that.

Speaker 2 And then, whoever wins, hosts the next one. That's the whole thing.
The points are very strictly calculated. It's basically science.
This is basically an experiment. It's tightly controlled.

Speaker 2 And yeah, you'll see once we get going how it works. It's very, very carefully planned out.
It's very thoughtful. And the points are very important.

Speaker 2 And the winner is a meaningful choice at the end because it's science. But anyway, before we get into the game that I have planned, how you guys doing? How you been?

Speaker 2 We got sad small talk. You want that? You want to kick this off with some depressing discussions? I'm here.
I'm here to talk about whatever you want, man.

Speaker 2 No, I mean, I'm going to talk about more later.

Speaker 2 Unfortunately, actually, fortunately, or unfortunately, I'm not sure which way to go about it, but this week is also the fifth anniversary of Unison's. Oh, wow.
So we've had to plan

Speaker 2 that. And

Speaker 2 what's interesting about it is like we at first was like, holy shit, this is a whole bunch to deal with right now with Henry and the movie and all of its sprinting and having to stop and all those things.

Speaker 2 And then Unisonus being like, oh, shit, we got to do that. But it reminded us very much.
about doing Unisonas or maybe me. I might be putting thoughts into their minds, but

Speaker 2 I was thinking about it a lot and just kind of, oh, we did this when COVID happened. And in the moment, it's like, you know, you never know how it was going to be.

Speaker 2 And then we're just got to plow through no matter what. And then we finish away.
So we,

Speaker 2 by the time people have seen this, they've already seen what we did. So we had planned it for a while

Speaker 2 and then we did it. And it was great.
But it's like, right now, when I'm recording this, we haven't done it yet. So I'm hoping that everything I'm saying is true.
So it's going to be great.

Speaker 2 This is going to be so funny when someone is like, oh, wait, can we put, oh, no, can we do it then next week? Wait, sorry. But it's been a time.
No, man, that's crazy, though.

Speaker 2 Five, so five years ago, it started. Yeah, November of 2020 would have been when it ended, right? Because you guys started in November of 2019,

Speaker 2 right before everything bad happened in the pandemic. Yeah.
So it's technically been six years since we started it, five years since its death.

Speaker 2 And so we have kind of had a loose plan but then all the plans are you kind of get to the point where you're like oh shit we got to execute upon the plan

Speaker 2 how do we do this so yeah it's um it's been it's been a time

Speaker 2 lot of stuff going on lots of things happening and then the emotional burden of you know losing henry has been pretty tough but the work's been distracting and uh we've uh we've been moving forward from that you know not a lot of people realize like i've had chica for nine years we've had henry for seven oh really henry's been there a lot longer than people think but uh yeah so it was it was real tough there have been a lot of those year realizations like whenever um you guys had the wedding the fact that you and amy had been together for a decade blew my mind i was like no it's been like three to five seven ten ten ten's the number Actually, it'll be pretty close to having Chica for 10.

Speaker 2 I got to look up

Speaker 2 when I got her. I should probably know that, but.

Speaker 2 It's been so long, it's easy to forget. So, uh, I will have or will talk more about that, but with Amy, because you know, I want to talk about Henry with Amy.

Speaker 2 So, that's so many things going on, yeah, yeah, it's a lot of things, but it's okay, we're managing. There's there's other people here to help, and this is nice to just get back into doing this.

Speaker 2 How are you, Wayne? And what a time to segue to game of the year: is it gonna be our traders or expedition 33? I know what Shroud says,

Speaker 2 Guys, I've got relevant conversations. What does Shroud say? What does Shroud said? Oh, single player.

Speaker 2 Only multiplayer. Should we? Call of Duty 28 or Expedition 33? No, our Creators.
Woo!

Speaker 2 On the day this episode comes out, the new Call of Duty, what, Black Ops 7 comes out. Calling it now, That's Game of the Year.
If they'd given us an ad read, maybe, but they didn't. So

Speaker 2 all streamers are going to

Speaker 2 conclude together. Call of Duty Black Ops 7, game that doesn't even exist yet, Instant Game of the Year.
Instant Classic. All you need is more Warzone, baby.

Speaker 2 I have been playing a bit of Arc Raiders. It's very fun.
When I first started playing, I don't know if it was because I was in like the safer areas, but there was a lot of like friendly people.

Speaker 2 It was a PvP game where you'd run into people that were just like, hey, don't shoot. I'm friendly.
I'm just, listen, I'm just collecting flowers. Just getting some flowers.

Speaker 2 And we were like, yeah, hey, we just need some olives and pears. Olives and pears.
We're cool. That's nice.

Speaker 2 But the longer I've been playing, I've found more people that are just like, hey, we're friendly, but be careful. Those guys back there betrayed us.
Oh, they'd overwhelm.

Speaker 2 We got you, loser. So we do have had a couple of those moments lately where people have pretended to be nice and then immediately betrayed.
Fun, fun.

Speaker 2 I love that in a game where you don't really gain very much by killing other players, you just do it for fun.

Speaker 2 Typically, they've got, they could have better loot on them because they've already been looting around, but

Speaker 2 also you could potentially just get nothing in just anyway. I saw a bit that I really want to do in Arc Raiders.

Speaker 2 I saw this guy posting clips where he goes to the extracts and just stands out on top and is like, I will protect you. Everyone, come to my, I am the extract hero.

Speaker 2 And like his whole bit is just like the opposite of extract camping, where he's like, this is a safe one. Come Come here and extract.
And, like, I want to be that guy because that's hilarious.

Speaker 2 That is nice. That is nice.
Is it kind of like Rust in a way? It's PVE. It's like Rust when it first came out that had zombies.
Do you know enough about like Escape from Tarkov? I do.

Speaker 2 Yeah, yeah, I think it's kind of like a more casual, less like military sim Tarkov. It's like third person, and you don't have 90 types of ammo and all this bullet.

Speaker 2 You have simplified like weapons and stuff, but the gameplay gameplay loop is there are robots on the map and it's PvE, but also you can PvP, but you really don't have to.

Speaker 2 And like I've had experiences where I was in with, I was in a duo and we ran into another duo and we were like, well, we're cool, don't you? And then they were just like, let's go kill a big robot.

Speaker 2 And we went and found a big like walking spider leaper robot. And we...
That was the first time any of us had killed one and then we extracted together. It was super cool.
It's fun.

Speaker 2 But there's been plenty of douchebags also who are just there to ruin your time and PvP. It's part of the game.
I'm not gonna be one of those people who's like, You shouldn't do it.

Speaker 2 I just don't care for it. There's a map called Bluegate in the center of Bluegate.
There's like an olive garden. It's not olive garden.
What's it called? Olive.

Speaker 2 It's called Olive Something. I don't know.
It's the place where your family. Oh, are you thinking of Maggiano's Little Italy? It might be.
Terrazano's. Oh, okay.

Speaker 2 But no, there's like a little field of like trees where you go to get olives or apricots or lemons. It's just like a.

Speaker 2 oh you meant you meant that there's olive trees. Yeah, but the place is actually called olive something.

Speaker 2 Olive orchard? Archer

Speaker 2 patch? Bluegate olive.

Speaker 2 There's an olive garden.

Speaker 2 Olive grove. Apparently it's called olive grove.
I thought it was called olive garden. My bad.

Speaker 2 They did have breadsticks when I was there, but anyway, we went to this olive grove. It's like central in the map.
And in order to upgrade your cock, which you have to do in this game. Sure.
Yep.

Speaker 2 You do want to do that. What? Huh? What? Say again? What? You have to feed it.

Speaker 2 And at one point, you need apricots and lemons. And then later on, you need olives and mushrooms and more apricot, whatever.
So a lot of the stuff you need is in this olive grove.

Speaker 2 And we went there and five teams converged there at once. And everyone was pretty chill except for one group.
And we didn't really know what was happening.

Speaker 2 So we hear, we hear one group that's like fighting. We think they're fighting robots, and then one guy runs over to us.
He's like,

Speaker 2 Hey, those people over there do not trust that group. They said they were cool, and then they weren't.
Uh, okay,

Speaker 2 uh, that's cool, man. We're just here to grab some olives.
Yeah, yeah, it's what we were here for, too, but they went crazy for some reason.

Speaker 2 All right, well, we'll keep an eye out, but we're just gonna go loot. And then he kind of ran off, and we hear like him run back, and he's like screaming.

Speaker 2 He's like, Oh, God, look out the leaper, shoot it, shoot it. And we're like, It's not even mad right now.
Why would we shoot it? And so I'm going to loot something. Basically, the dude lied.

Speaker 2 He was trying to bait us into shooting the Leaper so the robots would attack us so he could kill us and loot us. And then he tried that.

Speaker 2 And then another team came over after the dude tried to betray us and we downed him. And then he told the team, he was like, hey, these guys aren't cool.
These guys told me they were friendly.

Speaker 2 Then they shot me. And we're like, this dude came over here.
Like, you guys can resum if you want. We're not dealing with him.
No, he tried to betray us. He tried to get us to fight the Leaper.

Speaker 2 But the dude was, he was selling so hard every story, and no one believed him. So, like, all these teams kept converging.
He was like crawling around on the ground, like, hey, these guys betrayed me.

Speaker 2 And none of us were having it. They're like, we ran into them earlier.
They were cool, man. Uh, we're not gonna screw with them.
Oh, come on, God. Like, and then he just died.

Speaker 2 And we kept looting our olives.

Speaker 2 He just died. Yeah, but he was really committed to the bit.
That's really funny. Anyway, our craters, not game of the year, unless unless Shroud says so.

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Speaker 2 Yeah, well, you guys want to play a little game? Sure, sure.

Speaker 2 Oh, should we make a disclaimer that we're trying to catch up on episodes, so the episodes for the next few episodes are going to be a little shorter than usual.

Speaker 2 We're just trying to make sure that we get back up and running without having to blow everything up.

Speaker 2 Today's game is called 20 Fast Questions. Oh, no.

Speaker 2 No, I'm just fucking with you. I was originally going to call it that, but it's, I'm not doing that.

Speaker 2 No, this game, I found this list and it's one of those lists of like, oh, it's 158 fun facts that will blow your mind. And I started reading it and almost none of them blew my mind.

Speaker 2 But I did find five fun facts that I thought were interesting enough that I was like, ah, cool. And so I made a list.
I made a tier list, you could say. I made a ranking.

Speaker 2 One through five of these five fun facts. And I want you guys to see if you can match how I ranked them.
We're going to talk about the fun facts real quick.

Speaker 2 And then you're just going to make your list. So there's five things.
So it's one through five, one being the highest, five being the lowest. We're just going to talk about them.

Speaker 2 And then at the end, I will give your ranked list a score, and then that will be how we determine who wins. Okay,

Speaker 2 so pretend I wasn't listening to the first half of that.

Speaker 2 The most important information. Pretend I wasn't wrestling with getting a cable off the ground.
Five things. Five things, five things, five things.
Five things. Okay, five things.

Speaker 2 I have a list and they're ranked one through five. One is good.
Five is less good. Okay.

Speaker 2 We're going to talk about them and you guys are going to rank them. That's the whole thing.
At the end, I thought I have a system. I'm going to have a little bit more in there.
No, no.

Speaker 2 I just, at the end, I have a system for how I'm going to score your lists. That's it.
Fact number one. A rainbow on Venus is called a glory.

Speaker 2 I really wish it was on Uranus that it was called a glory, but a rainbow on Venus, which is not the planet Uranus, is called a glory, appearing as a series of colored concentric rings.

Speaker 2 These are caused by the interference of light waves within droplets rather than by reflection, refraction, and dispersion of light, which is how a rainbow is made on Earth.

Speaker 2 So they look similar because it basically breaks the light out into rainbow of colors, breaks it out, and it looks like a rainbow, kind of, but it's called a glory. That's pretty cool, right? Yeah.

Speaker 2 Yeah, I just got caught up in. You know how a rainbow is kind of like a bridge in design? Sure, sure.
Is that a glory hole?

Speaker 2 Well, an Earth rainbow is a glory bridge, but a Venus rainbow is a glory hole. All rainbows are circles, but we only see part of it.
That's why a moonbow, you can see a full circle. Is that a thing?

Speaker 2 Yeah, a moonbow. Yeah.
You've never seen a moonbow? I played Franbow back in the day.

Speaker 2 That's good. We give them a point.

Speaker 2 Okay. Hey, I'm just here, man.
Well, I was. I'll be right back.
All right.

Speaker 2 If you see a moon bow, usually it's easier to see with a full moon. And if it's straight up in the sky, you can see a full halo

Speaker 2 around,

Speaker 2 which is like, when you think about the rainbow, it's not just a structure. It's not just a...
bow. It's not just that.
It would continue if the earth wasn't in the way.

Speaker 2 What causes that on the moon, though? Is it our atmosphere causing that? Yeah. Because there's no atmosphere on the moon, right?

Speaker 2 Yeah, yeah it's the same thing you need the same kind of similar uh scenario you need like moisture in the atmosphere um but enough to not be blocked and it can hit it it's it's very pretty when it happens last time i saw it i was up in uh idle wild with amy i've never seen that that sounds really cool it is it's very cool yeah but you gotta like you could be out at night you know i don't know how many times you're out at night looking up at the moon I do, honestly, I do that.

Speaker 2 I like having like, I have a fire pit.

Speaker 2 You sit out, you have a fire, you look at, I'm in a, an area in Cincy where like it's pretty, there's a lot of light pollution, so I don't get like the best view of stuff, but I do like looking at when we used to go camping in northern Michigan, going down by the water and just staring up at the sky, because you could see satellites.

Speaker 2 If the ISS was like in the right location, you could see the ISS go overhead. It's very cool.
I used to do it all the time. Never saw a moon bow.
That's one of the five things.

Speaker 2 You have no reference right now, but you could pick a spot for where you think that might be. But the next fun, well, Wade's on here.
Let's talk about it without them. Okay.
The next fun fact

Speaker 2 is that fish form orderly queues in emergencies.

Speaker 2 Scientists have observed that schools of neon tetrafish, when evacuating through narrow passages in sketchy or otherwise

Speaker 2 like dangerous situations where they're trying to escape from something, they will

Speaker 2 form an organized queue so that they don't run into each other and clog up the little passageway and they stay organized even while they're panicking and escaping until they all escape safely.

Speaker 2 That is interesting. Are these all true

Speaker 2 truths and a lot of people? I'm not going to say I went and found all of the academic papers, but these are all purportedly true things.

Speaker 2 And I'm realizing now they're all generally kind of science-y things. Because I guess the only facts I find interesting are science facts.
Did we learn anything other than Uranus? Rainbows?

Speaker 2 I don't know. You weren't here.

Speaker 2 I had to help someone who was lost. Yeah, yeah, okay.
Well, they were delivering my food. Well,

Speaker 2 so we did the Venus rainbow, Venus glories, and then the one Mark and I just talked about.

Speaker 2 And now we're going to do the third fact. Third fun fact.
Did you know that water might not be wet? This is a philosophical one. I've heard that.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 This is a scientific perspective on it.

Speaker 2 Most scientists would define wetness as a liquid's ability to maintain contact with a solid surface.

Speaker 2 So, like, a towel is wet because of surface tension and other qualities of the towel, the water stays absorbed into it, right? It's connected to that solid surface.

Speaker 2 That means water's not a solid surface and water just is water. There is no water on water.
Water is water. So, water can't be wet then, if by this definition from this perspective, potentially.

Speaker 2 Yeah, I've heard this before, too.

Speaker 2 And I think where this rubs people wrong is there's a generally accepted life experience with water that it, in almost every scenario where a human is interacting with water, makes things wet, feels wet, is generally wet.

Speaker 2 So

Speaker 2 it's, you know, it's like

Speaker 2 Pluto, you know,

Speaker 2 you're technically right, of course, but everyone's life experience had Pluto being the planet.

Speaker 2 Anyway, it's can't get our nine pizzas without Pluto. How is eight pizzas any worse than nine? That's not how that.

Speaker 2 You all right? No, I think you broke a spark plug in my brain.

Speaker 2 Yeah, so it's like, I they can be technically right all they want. It really won't change people's experience when dealing with water.

Speaker 2 They're not going to go like, oh, don't worry, that water's not wet. Don't be afraid.

Speaker 2 But it's not wet, Mark. Because it's certainly not dry.
Water needs to be wet. Just because it makes you wet doesn't mean that the water is wet.
But would it be considered dry then if it's not wet?

Speaker 2 Is it dry? The water is dry until it interacts with a solid surface, but then the water is still dry. What's it? This is the question.

Speaker 2 we need to come up with a definition for when water has physical objects in it the water makes things wet what do things make water ah ah one of my spark plugs no no no you're oh we're losing so many spark plugs on this one come on this is a terrible fact i hate this i love this it's a fun fact wait it's a philosophical discussion but a bad one listen there's bad philosophy there's no such thing well i'm not gonna say that all right fun fact number number four.

Speaker 2 Did you know giraffes are 30 times more likely to get hit by lightning than human people? Makes sense.

Speaker 2 While there are only five actual well-documented fatal lightning strikes on giraffes between 1996 and 2010, due to the population of giraffes being just 140,000 during that timeframe, roughly, That makes it about 0.003 lightning deaths per thousand giraffes each year, which is 30 times more than the fatality rate for human beings.

Speaker 2 Is it because they're tall? Probably, right? Yeah, I was, oh, I thought you were going to bait and switch us like it's not because they're tall.

Speaker 2 Giraffes live primarily in like deserts, I believe, where there isn't stuff.

Speaker 2 If giraffes lived in a city where there are, you know, 10 plus story buildings all over, I don't know if their height difference between them and humans really does much, but they live in a world where they're the tallest thing for a long, for miles around most a lot of the time.

Speaker 2 Don't they live in savannas? They don't live in Georgia Wade. Oh, because never mind.

Speaker 2 Is it savannahs? I mean,

Speaker 2 am I still correct, though? There's not like a lot of like tall forests and stuff, right? There's no, no, they're very open. There's not a lot of trees.
Yeah. Relatively arid, I think,

Speaker 2 not necessarily jungle. Although I suppose it could.
I don't know if anything's stopping them. Yeah, I have no idea what the actual defined habitat of a giraffe is.

Speaker 2 It could include jungles or things, but. Oh, they live in Chad.
No, from Chad to North South Africa.

Speaker 2 What's annoying is the places where there's color where they are, they cover the name of that country. And I don't know my geography.
This is useless.

Speaker 2 I've just got to find another map, map of words, and then compare map of giraffes to map of words. Anyway, I do think

Speaker 2 there's some bias in that because giraffes live in a place where they're easily the tallest thing. And

Speaker 2 humans are never the tallest thing. The world that we've created, even if it's like a nomadic people, humans live in, you know,

Speaker 2 I believe in Mongolia, they live in these big, like, traveling, like, yurt things where they, you know, there are, there are societies where they're nomadic and they travel, but they still live in a structure that they erect that's way taller than people are.

Speaker 2 Savannas and woodlands, usually in like grasslands.

Speaker 2 South and Western Africa? My other theory was that giraffes might be partially made of metal. Maybe in 1987, all giraffes were replaced by the government, and it's actually a conspiracy.

Speaker 2 Really good iron intake in those leaves. Which government? The government.
The world government, Mark. The world government? Okay, all right, okay.
Obviously, the one run by the lobster people.

Speaker 2 Maybe something they're doing is generating static electricity. I don't know why.
I just imagine all the giraffes like shuffling their feet. Like, giraffes don't pick their...
They're all just like,

Speaker 2 and they're always really, really zappy because they shuffle around a lot. Is that why, like, the fur on their neck stands up? It's the static? Does it? Probably.
I don't know.

Speaker 2 Well, they do have those two protruding things. It's very lightning rod-esque.
Oh, that's true. Maybe that's some sort of alien technology.

Speaker 2 Maybe they, once upon a time, were able to cast lightning, like channel it from their horns and zap it out, like to kill their prey.

Speaker 2 The great predators, giraffes.

Speaker 2 Well, they were such great predators that they killed all the prey and now they're vegetarians because they ran out of stuff to things to eat.

Speaker 2 Okay, if I was walking next to Mark and it was thunder and lightning, I would feel more in danger than I would think Mark would be because I'm closer to the lightning strike.

Speaker 2 Closer to God, closer to death. So maybe the giraffes, maybe it is the height thing, because their heads are always in those very conductive branches.
If they're wet, stop it, Bob.

Speaker 2 His British is coming out all over the place. Man, he's just leaking accents today.
No, his wet comment made me mad because of the water one.

Speaker 2 Was that an always sunny reference or is that not a thing? I've not seen that.

Speaker 2 Okay, there's a scene in that show where, oh, Charlie Day's character is doing something completely insane. And then

Speaker 2 the other guy just goes, in a voice that's not his normal voice at all, goes, stop it, Charlie.

Speaker 2 It is really fucking weird and out of pocket. I guess that's just a funny thing funny guys do.
I guess you're just funny in that way. Thank you.
All right. This is the last fact.

Speaker 2 Oh, second to last, right? Nope. Then you'll all have to rank all these facts we've been talking about this whole time.
The universe has an average color.

Speaker 2 We all know how Mark likes to do math with colors and how hilarious it is when we have to compare the color of our shirt to the color of our backgrounds. I love it.
You know I love it.

Speaker 2 Astronomers have found that the light coming from galaxies averages out into

Speaker 2 an off-white color that they have decided to call cosmic latte.

Speaker 2 The color of the universe is cosmic latte.

Speaker 2 Okay,

Speaker 2 so they decided this based on the average wavelength of light. This is the average wavelength of emitted light as far as we can observe.

Speaker 2 Again, this is one of those things where it's like this is very similar to the water is wet situation because a thing's color is based on its reflected light, right? Sure.

Speaker 2 But in the universe, most of it is nothing.

Speaker 2 So

Speaker 2 you would have to base it on the number of reflective surfaces as opposed to anything. But maybe that is majority.
I don't know.

Speaker 2 I have to assume that they removed the empty parts, right? Like this was clearly

Speaker 2 they got rid of the outliers, which would include anything where there's nothing that they can sense. Like the black parts of the observ of the sky are not black light.
They're just no

Speaker 2 light to be observed. I feel like this has to be an average of what they're like things that are actually bouncing light towards whatever sensors, telescopes, whatever they're using.

Speaker 2 I suppose Cosmic latte is just cream. Yeah, it is.
It sounds really cool. Like if someone was like, what color is cosmic latte? In my head, I would imagine all sorts of stuff.
It's just like beige.

Speaker 2 It's literally like that thing your grandparents paint that they've had for 40 years that was painted white originally, but it's faded and old and gross looking now. Yeah, well, so listen.

Speaker 2 The reality of what the color is doesn't need to spoil the fact that it's called, I just like that it's called cosmic latte. I think that's really funny.

Speaker 2 funny i think that's a good color i want to paint my house cosmic latte because then i can tell this very boring story to everyone who comes over to my house

Speaker 2 don't yawn at me sorry just so bored all right now that we've all all of us have talked about all five of these insanely fun facts yeah i've got them ranked yeah you're done oh i'm done yeah wait is five the least interesting yeah

Speaker 2 yeah one is the the top the most interesting

Speaker 2 to decide, because I already said that a bunch of times. Exactly.
So we should have repeated it again. We'll repeat for Mark.
Yeah, well, he didn't leave. He just doesn't listen.
That's different.

Speaker 2 I had to. My food was lost, and there's nothing I care about more in life than food.
Well, that might be true. Damn.
I don't know. I'm going to text Molly real quick.
Food's kind of important.

Speaker 2 I tell her. I like to think the same's true for her.
All right. Well, Wade, if yours is ready, Mark is still figuring.
What is your list, Wade? All right, right, one to five or five to one?

Speaker 2 Which one are you going to be going? Go five to one. Let's make it fun.
Number five, water isn't wet. All right.
Four, universe average color is cosmic latte. All right.

Speaker 2 Number three, dunno wasn't here for it. Number two, giraffes are 30 times more likely to get hit by lightning.
All right. Number one,

Speaker 2 you guys will never guess. The Venus Glory hole.
All right. What a beautiful list.

Speaker 2 Well, don't say anything until you hear my list. Boo!

Speaker 2 Okay, well, I didn't boo your list. You probably weren't listening to it.
I wasn't, actually. I don't remember.
I remember what you started with because you had number four of what my number five is.

Speaker 2 So, number five to me is Cosmic Latte.

Speaker 2 Number five is Cosmic Latte. Got it.
Because who cares?

Speaker 2 Oh, fucking.

Speaker 2 Why did that even make my list? You're right. Yeah, that's something a scientist like, I've called you all to this meeting to declare

Speaker 2 not even a clap so that's i don't give a shit i thought that the next one would be water might not be wet but it's not because i'm basing this on what makes me ask more questions or what leads to further queries or stuff like that and drafts more likely to struck by lightning just is like uh-huh.

Speaker 2 Yeah, they're tall. That makes sense.

Speaker 2 Really, that goes to be safe with the lattice. So that's.

Speaker 2 I've called you all to this meeting. I've to do just years of research.
I've discovered that giraffes are more likely to be struck by lightning.

Speaker 2 And everyone would be like, uh, and then leave, you know,

Speaker 2 the TED talk that is these things. Sure, sure.
So in third, it's water might not be wet because people would get, you'd get a response after the, I've declared water might not be wet.

Speaker 2 Because everybody in the audience would be like, boom,

Speaker 2 boom.

Speaker 2 Why'd you waste your grant money on this?

Speaker 2 Then they'd leave, right? Okay, okay. Number two

Speaker 2 is actually rainbow on Venus is called a glory because I think that that's cool. It's interesting.
It's a totally different way to get a rainbow. You put that at number one? No, that's number two.

Speaker 2 No, I know, but you put that at number one yeah i did and i'll tell you what unbelievable that's clearly number three you get you get the the the you get the question of like oh that's cool there's a different way to make a rainbow but with fish this ted talk was going to be fascinating because this guy has to start with how he put these fish in emergency situations what fire did he light in that fish tank to get them to do a fire drill how did they what

Speaker 2 how many fish didn't make it out of the exit in the orderly queue? Like, what was the emergency? I have so many questions. Like, what is the behavior that causes them to form an orderly queue?

Speaker 2 What defines an orderly queue? One fish at another stretched out? Do they loop? Do they have turnstiles? Do they have the winding cues like in a theme part? I have so many questions.

Speaker 2 I believe that that would be a very interesting TED Talk. And whoever did this research has got to be an interesting person.
They would make that TED Talk entertaining.

Speaker 2 When the fire starts in the aquarium, these fish get out the stanchions and know how know how to set up a dsa line that wraps efficiently no that's clearly a number three that's what i was thinking this whole time

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I'm like,

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Speaker 2 All right, hang on. Just doing some final math here.

Speaker 2 Mark, you put up a good fight.

Speaker 2 Thank you. You're welcome.

Speaker 2 The way that I scored this, which I'm sure by explaining this, I will make someone really angry and they'll tell me why this is a terrible scoring system, is that for each ranking that you did, I basically subtracted a point for each spot away from my rank that you were.

Speaker 2 So I have a whole, I have some math on the page. I think a cosmic latte is going to cost us.

Speaker 2 Not knowing that fish were doing fire drills might kill me. I will say, I had Cosmic Latte at number one

Speaker 2 because I really like that the name is so interesting sounding and the fact is so fucking stupid. I think that's really funny.
It's not a fun fact because of the fact.

Speaker 2 It's a fun fact because you know that those scientists were like, oh, we have the perfect name.

Speaker 2 Cosmic Latte.

Speaker 2 And that's the only interesting thought they've ever had. But it's really funny.
So yeah, that one's going to cause, that one stirred it up a little bit. Mark, I like your list more than that.
Thanks.

Speaker 2 Thank you. He's a fool.
Yeah, well, look, we all had our own reasons and only one of us gets to give points.

Speaker 2 Mark, you got points for Fifth Honest, being a busy boy, explaining to me what a moonbow was, allowing for me that I was technically correct, even though that's stupid. And Zappy Giraffes.

Speaker 2 Wade, you earned points for promoting Shroud,

Speaker 2 encountering that bad liar in Ark Raiders,

Speaker 2 having played Fran Bo, because Mark said I should give you a point for that.

Speaker 2 This is why we can't get, or we can't get our nine pizzas without Pluto, and then the subsequent head explosion when I said eight is just as good. Yeah.

Speaker 2 And saying, stop it, Bob, or whatever the fuck you said.

Speaker 2 Yeah, whatever.

Speaker 2 And then for the lists, Mark, you lost 10 points. Jesus.

Speaker 2 My list was cosmic latte, fish or forming cues, giraffes are 30 times more likely to get struck by lightning. Rainbow and Venus is called a glory, and water might not be wet.

Speaker 2 So, Mark, you lost 10 points based on my math. Only a potential of 11 lost points from that.

Speaker 2 Dad, did I fucking you could have done better?

Speaker 2 Oh, no.

Speaker 2 Wade,

Speaker 2 you lost eight points. Making the final score, Wade with zero, and Mark with negative two.

Speaker 2 Actually, I did my math right. There's only a potential 10.
I did the exact verse.

Speaker 2 Yeah, well, I don't know if this will help anyone who's out there listening or watching, but I had, so the way I kept track of this is I had mine one, two, three, four, five, and then Mark's was two, four, five, three, one.

Speaker 2 You pretty much optimized it to lose the maximum amount of points that you could. Wade's saving grace was that he got that water might not be wet was the least interesting fact on that one.

Speaker 2 He lost zero points for the fact that water might not be wet. Oh, that's because it's

Speaker 2 so awful. What a horrible waste of life someone did to come up with that idea.
It's not over yet. It's not over till it's over.
No, golf rules are still in play.

Speaker 2 I mean, honestly, Mark's only down by two. Like,

Speaker 2 that's a totally. I've done it before.
Nah, the wheel's only going to give us one today.

Speaker 2 How many bonus spins shall we have?

Speaker 2 I'd put my money on three based on the way this wheel operates. Oh!

Speaker 2 And you know, it's got to be three! Three, baby. I'll three more points.
Oh, I have to add a thing to the wheel. As prepared as I was for this, I did not.

Speaker 2 Is

Speaker 2 funnest fact an absolute or a thing on here? I don't think so. Yeah, no, that's actually a good one.
I feel like most of us could bring a fun fact. Funnest fact.

Speaker 2 All right. We currently have 76 wheel options.

Speaker 2 Apparently, it now supports up to 2,000 plus, so this wheel will last us for quite some time. And we have three spins.

Speaker 2 Spin number one is

Speaker 2 monkey's paw curls oh what was that one

Speaker 2 was that that we increased the the percentage on the on the one-man show i thought that was actually called that yeah there's something that's actually called that i think that just means something terrible happens somewhere in the world oh that's it

Speaker 2 we're just cashing that in we just the monkey's paw curls something bad happened got it if if i believe that was the thing, but we don't know if we're wrong about that subreddit. Correct us.

Speaker 2 If we're right, we're sorry. Either way, we're sorry.
I'm sure it wasn't that bad. I'm sure it wasn't that bad.

Speaker 2 I am going to click disable this option on the next spin to appease, to appease the subreddit. Spin number two.

Speaker 2 Point for listeners. Oh, man.
Mark, your chances are on life support.

Speaker 2 Yeah, it could be. You never know.

Speaker 2 I'm a little scared that something terrible's about to happen to me. Wade, I didn't think this through.
Listeners currently have one point. Oh.

Speaker 2 Wade currently has zero points.

Speaker 2 And Mark currently has negative two points. Oh, fuck.
Well, the rules are what the rules are. I'm not sure.

Speaker 2 Better hope for golf rules. All right.
Yeah,

Speaker 2 we might have to pause that one. Anyway, spin number three, save us.

Speaker 2 Most callbacks?

Speaker 2 Mark did a callback because Wade did the my spark plug broke and then Mark's spark plug broke. That is true, but it could not be true.
Wade, did you do callbacks? Nope.

Speaker 2 I don't think so. All right, guys, I have a solution.
We just let the listeners win. We just canceled the podcast.
Just give them the W, man. Just give them the W.

Speaker 2 I have an even better solution than that. The final score is listeners with one point.
Wade with zero points. Mark with negative two points.
Negative one, right? Because he got the. Oh, negative one.

Speaker 2 That's right. That's right.

Speaker 2 Very close. As is required by our Constitution, I hereby grant the listeners a win.
As the listeners cannot give a winner's speech and thus the speech portion of the show cannot commence.

Speaker 2 That win will be documented for posterity, and their title as winner of this episode is immediately vacated for the next person who is present and able to give a winner speech.

Speaker 2 Because the way the Constitution works is, I'm the host until the speeches happen, and I declare the winner, and then I give up my powers. So, I'm still the host, so I'm God.

Speaker 2 Also, I hate the listeners.

Speaker 2 So, you congratulation, listeners. You get one documented victory of this podcast.

Speaker 2 That's not enough to win the trophy that everyone that we get at the end of the season that totally exists and we've definitely done. You beat me this year.

Speaker 2 And what actually happens is Wade wins this episode as it's like you're the vice president and the president died right after he said the last word of the inauguration.

Speaker 2 I was thinking more like the winner was caught doping, and so I win because they get disqualified, but I guess that works too. Oh, it's like it's like drag racing.

Speaker 2 You lost to the listeners, but then the listeners hit the scales on the way back to the pits, and they were 12 pounds underweight. So they're DQ'd.
Wade is the champion, and Mark loses either way.

Speaker 2 But problem elegantly solved. There will be a row in the subreddit, I imagine.
Or a column.

Speaker 2 There's going to be some spreadsheets typing. Trust me.
For everyone who keeps track of how many wins everyone has, the listeners have a win. Do I get a win from this?

Speaker 2 I mean, technically, well, maybe I would say no. Technically, you did not win.
Technically, you assumed the host position.

Speaker 2 So you assume the position of the winner, but the listeners actually got the win. So this is like a weird, you know, like constitutional law

Speaker 2 ring around the rosie of nonsense just to make the system work because otherwise everything falls to shambles.

Speaker 2 Man, imagine the constitution that we didn't think through and the episode idea that I only thought through for 15 minutes gave us so much chaos. I can't believe it.
Always does.

Speaker 2 Oh Mark, give us a loser speech.

Speaker 2 I lost.

Speaker 2 I'm right there with the viewers now. I know how you feel today and you know how I feel today.
But more importantly, we both know how Wade feels today.

Speaker 2 For the first time, there will be two losers' speech, and that is a tragedy that we will never live down. Constitution says there has to be a winner's

Speaker 2 Wade, you will give the winner's speech on behalf of the listeners. You are not a winner, but you are accepting the daytime Emmy on their behalf.
So you do get to speak at the podium.

Speaker 2 You're a loser, but pretend like you're a winner. Well, it's an honor to be here with you two today.

Speaker 2 I'm here on behalf of the listeners who couldn't make an appearance, but they wanted me to say a few things, such as this has been a long time coming.

Speaker 2 There's been a a lot of ridicule toward the listeners. Viewers have always gotten preference.
We push everyone to watch.

Speaker 2 We do visual bits, but there's never been audio only bits except for, you know, the whole first two or three years of the podcast, but we don't count that because it's too far distant.

Speaker 2 We, the listeners, are happy that justice has finally been served and we have a win in our column and or row.

Speaker 2 The spreadsheets will be filling out, and any viewers who disagree with this win can suck it because they've never won. So yay yay to us, the listeners.

Speaker 2 Ha ha to Wade, who had to give this speech today. Okay, didn't need that part.
Mark, the fact that you lost, truly embarrassing.

Speaker 2 Bob setting this up, a real epidemic failure.

Speaker 2 Everyone loses today, except for us, the listeners. We deserve this.
Everyone else sucks. Ha ha, haha.
Surprisingly accurate. I think I feel pretty...
I feel like a loser. I feel worse than a loser.

Speaker 2 Anyway, I feel like I need to apologize for throwing our podcast into a constitutional crisis. I did not think it all the way through.

Speaker 2 I think every episode I host from here on out, the viewers and the listeners start with negative 1,000 points. So good luck, idiots.

Speaker 2 Also, I'm sorry that I accidentally created the precedent that viewers and/or listeners, if they ever want to claim their points and for their wins to mean anything, now have to be present, which is not an option.

Speaker 2 This is kind of like one of those rules that exist just to be a dick kind of situations. But good speech, Wade.

Speaker 2 I think you really captured the sentiment that I'm sure the listeners would have expressed. Congratulations, listeners.
And not congratulations, but it is your duty, Wade, to host the next one.

Speaker 2 And man, am I excited to see the rows and columns in the subreddit after all of this comes out. I really fucked it up, guys.
Anyway, make sure you follow Mark and Wade and myself.

Speaker 2 Our names are probably on screen. It's Minion 777 or Lord Minion 777.
Mark by mic's crew. We're out of here.
Wade's gonna host the next one, even though he's a huge loser, just like the rest of us.

Speaker 2 And

Speaker 2 no, that's it. I was gonna say another thing, but there's no more things because this is the end.
Podcast out.

Speaker 2 Watch new episodes on Spotify.

Speaker 2 What I bought?

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Plus audio like I'm in the room.

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Speaker 2 But you'd never skip ads, right?

Speaker 3 Plus, I got all of this for just $49.99. Blink Mini 2K Plus, Mini Camera, Max Performance.
Shop now at Amazon.com/slash Blink.