Wendy's 4 with Brooks Wheelan

This is a head gum podcast.

Want to watch this episode?

Check it out on our YouTube channel by going to youtube.com/slash doughboys media.

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This fall, the Food and Wine Classic in Charleston returns November 14th through the 16th for three days of incredible food, wine, and southern hospitality in one of the country's most charming cities.

You'll experience grand tastings, cooking demonstrations, and beverage seminars featuring top chefs, wine and spirits experts, and the bold seasonal flavors of the low country.

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The point to remember is that a giant leap into space can be a giant leap toward peace down below.

This was one of many prescient quotes by the futurist Willie Lay, the early 20th century's foremost populizer of the then-theoretical concept of space travel.

In life, Willie Lay was the Carl Sagan or Neil deGrasse Tyson of his day, a pop culture figure who appeared on The Tonight Show and consulted on Disneyland's Tomorrowland as an evangelist for exploring the cosmos.

Today, his pioneering work is mostly forgotten.

A recent New York Times story by Maureen Kavanaugh revealed that Lay's ashes were housed for decades in the cluttered basement of a New York City apartment, akin to future generations finding Bill Nye's skeleton in a storage unit.

Born in Germany in 1906, Lay fled his homeland in 1935 for some reason and settled in the U.S., where he went on to publish popular books like 1944's Rockets, The Future of Travel Beyond the Stratosphere, and 1953's The Conquest of the Moon.

As a German-American immigrant, he was also a key figure in recruiting expat German rocket scientists like Werner von Braun to the U.S.

space program as part of the post-World War II Operation Paperclip.

While Lay witnessed his idea of spaceflight come true in his lifetime, he didn't live to see its apex.

He died less than a month before Neil Armstrong and Buzz Aldrin set foot on the moon on July 20, 1969.

Later that very same year, back upon the pale blue dot we call Earth, Dave Thomas opened his first burger restaurant in Ohio, a business brain child named for his actual child.

But Thomas, like Lay, did not live to observe his vision make history decades later.

His chains long-shot Cinderella run, which climaxed in its triumph in Munch Madness 2025 as the square patty purveyor hoisted the trophy named for Thomas himself.

Sadly, Lay's vision of space exploration leading to world peace was far too optimistic.

Instead, space has become a new front for militarization, satellites are an essential tool for the surveillance state, and enormously successful public sector programs like NASA have been defunded in favor of privatization by hobbyist asshole billionaires.

But at least Dave Thomas's chain has a new Cajun chicken sandwich.

This week on Doughboys, we return once again to Munch Madness 10, MMX, the Tournament of Tournament of Champions of Chompions, Totcock winner, Wendy's.

Welcome to Dough Boys, the podcast about chain restaurants.

I'm Tiger Weiger, along with my co-host, the white low tea, the spoon man Mike Mitchell.

The white low tea.

Yeah, that took me a second to process the white lotus is what it, the white low tea, but the syllable.

It took you a second to process what it was from.

The white low, because I was like, the white low, what is that?

Oh, white low-type, like, lotus.

The syllables are a little different.

White low-tea.

Sure, the season is over now to the zeitgeist, but maybe season four can take place at the four seasons in Quincy.

Wow, how about that?

Love you all, Nick, from Chicago.

Oh, man, that would be a wild fucking season.

I'll tell you that much.

Mitch, we will be back in Quincy soon because we are going to Boston

for our 10th anniversary live show at the Wilbur.

That's right.

That will be Saturday, May 17th with John Gabrison's special guests.

So join us us for that.

Tickets still available, birdfuck.com/slash live.

Birdfuck.com.

Get your tickets, wages.

Yeah.

Very excited to go back to Quincy.

What a hoot.

You're not going to stay in Quincy.

You refuse to stay in the middle of the street.

No, I, I, bitch, why would you say that when the last time I was there, I stayed a couple of extra days?

That's true.

That's absolutely what happened last time.

Because I just give you a hard time.

Can I give you a hard time for a second?

Not based on any sort of precedent.

I loved that you didn't have a great time with my mom.

Which is a good time.

I love your mom.

Yeah, yeah, you're getting a little too close

you're my co-worker i'm not gonna call you papa

wise you didn't notice something about me there's something new

yeah i mean because you said something new and because you kind of had a little i don't know if you realized you did your little physical tell there i did a physical tell because you're not getting it you have a new celtics hat that's right yes yes for the playoffs you could not you did not get it at all well it looks in all fairness it looks the same as the celtics hat you always wear just a little fresher okay Okay.

I mean, am I wrong?

Is this a wildly different hat?

Is this a totally new look for Mitch?

You know what?

It's the same.

It's a little different, but it's another green hat for the same team.

This is rude of me, but suck my freaking hog.

All right?

All right, let me fasten on a jeweler's loop.

See what I'm working with.

We should note that speaking of Nicholas.

Well, you know what?

It's just like a diamond.

It might be that tiny, but oh,

if you have the chance to get it, it's, oh, baby.

You're saying it as hard as a diamond?

No, no, definitely not.

It's a very, it's the softest diamond you can get.

Wags, let's hit him with a drop.

What were we going to say?

You say something weird?

Dude, did I throw it on you too fast?

No, no.

I just didn't know if you wanted the answer to the question before I hit play.

You know what?

Here's what we'll do.

I will think of a response.

We'll listen to the drop.

And also, another thing that would be great while we're dealing with procedure here is if I could get the timer to look at it.

No, you're fine.

Everyone's fine.

Everyone's doing great.

Here comes the drop.

He's spiraling.

Jack!

Jack, Jack, Jack Jack, Jack, Jack, Jack, Jack Jack.

Jack Box is the character's name.

The person's name.

The real person's name.

And I'm next to him, I'm very nervous.

And he just looks over at me and he says.

I see.

Did he do his lost world bedry wrist?

This guy is like a fucking double on my shit.

Jack, Jack, Jack, Jack, Jack, Jack.

Jack!

Yeah, he's the give.

What's crazy is how they got his head into the gift basket.

Two tacos for 99 cents.

What's next?

Four tacos for $1.98?

Being a little bitch, get back in there.

Wow.

Wow.

That sounded good.

I mean, the music sounded good.

The rest of it sounded like us.

It sounded bad.

Yeah.

Wags, did you have a response as I look up?

I was going to say, speaking of new items in the studio over where you're sitting, you got your new Celtics hat.

Jemmy has a new blanket.

Isn't that cute?

That's right.

Jemmy's got a new blanket.

It's the color of royalty for a queen.

A little too much hair on the chair for some people.

Yeah, so look, have other podcasters been complaining about there being too much Jemmy fur shed in the studio?

Has a Jemmy band been floated?

By some other podcasters slash podcast producers?

And is the compromise that we have a new blanket for Jemmy?

All this might be true.

But

the most important thing is that she looks very cute on that new blanket.

Actually, dog hair can be an epidermis irritant.

All right.

Adam.

He actually is not the one who complained.

Only one person is allowed to have too much hair in the studio.

He's not the problem.

He's actually not the problem.

He isn't the guy.

He's not the guy who complains.

He's factually not the problem.

Yeah,

he is factually not the problem.

We love Adam.

He's out there.

I mean, we joke about him all the time, and he treats me the same way when I walk in.

He looks at me and looks back down.

That's all I ever get out of him, which is, you know what, is perfect for me.

He is a nice man to us.

Okay, hi, DK and Doughboys family.

This is bad, but no copyright issues.

It's a WAV file, but let me know if another form is better.

Okay, this is great to read.

Yeah.

Love the show.

Thanks.

Best, Steve S.

in Chicago.

Thanks, Steve S.

Emma, do we have a preferred file format for the dropshipping?

WAVE file is perfect.

WAVE is great.

Is that ideal?

Like if if someone sends it an MP3 or you're like, I'd rather have a wave?

I mean, technically, MP3s hold less data, so waves always will sound better, but really either works.

How do you feel about an afe?

Oh, those are like the strongest.

They hold everything.

Oh, dude.

So if someone gets an afe, AIA.

A lot of programs don't like them.

They have to be converted.

Right, right.

But that's the ideal.

But if they're sending a wave, you're not complaining.

No, yeah, that's fine.

And it's an MP3, you can work with it, but we can make it work.

The podcast goes out as an MP3, so you know, it's all the same.

Right, right.

Wave, are you a wave of file?

Here's a question for you.

Do you like, what's your favorite type of wave?

You like

fascinating.

You've come in at the right time, by the way.

I'm wondering if you're a wave of file.

Actually, you know what?

I'm going to open it.

Introduce our guest.

I'm going to open up these questions to both of you.

Drops at birdfock.com.

Our guest is an actor in committee from SNL, and I think you should leave.

His new special, Alive in Alaska, is now available on YouTube.

Check it out.

Brooks Whelan is here.

Hi, Brooks.

Hey.

Thanks so much for joining us.

I'm so excited to talk about files.

Yeah.

That was tricked.

You guys told me this is a food pod.

We'll get there eventually, but we're going to talk waves for a good 45 minutes.

Okay, not to put you on blast, but when I landed, you were working on your laptop and I introduced myself and you were like, I'm uploading something.

So some file transfer was taking place.

I'm an MP3 boy.

Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah.

I was uploading the podcast.

Yeah.

Oh, there you go.

And it wasn't rude.

I was just like, sorry, I'm so sorry.

I think I said sorry three times.

You weren't at all.

You did make it sound like he was being very rude right now.

That's what it is.

Well, I didn't mean to sound like that.

You've been lovely today.

Great.

And we're very, very excited to have you on the podcast.

I'm so excited to be here.

I really like this podcast.

Thanks for having me.

And I prefer an MP3.

What about you?

I don't know.

I mean, I'm not going to contradict Emma, who knows her stuff the most of anyone in this room.

So I'm going to say wave audio-wise.

All right.

Well, here's a question.

What do you like?

Wave file, wave hello, ocean waves.

Oh, man.

Ocean waves are so nice.

They're really good, but also they make you wipe out.

Don't forget that.

But if you're just, bitch, here's the thing, thing, though.

If you're a good surfer, it doesn't happen.

Well, I wasn't going to say that.

Okay.

I was just going to say, like, that's like the most content I am as someone like you, like someone who grew up by the sea.

The most content I am is when I go out and I'm just looking at the ocean and I'm just seeing the waves coming.

When Gaia is performing her daily tasks,

to me, there's nothing better.

A simple wave roll, a simple sun setting.

She's beautiful.

Brooks, I know you love the outdoors, but you're from the Midwest.

Do you have the same sort of fondness for an ocean wave?

My life could be the worst in the world.

Everything could be going really bad, but if I see the ocean, I'm like, everything's all right.

Exactly.

Yes.

I'm an ocean boy.

I was an ocean.

I grew up on the ocean.

I grew up in Iowa.

I'd never seen the ocean until I was 21, but I did get an ocean tattooed on my side when I was 19 because I just assumed I was probably into the ocean.

And you were right.

Yeah.

That's great.

Quincy is right on the water, so it's the Atlantic.

Let's show you.

Check out how how bad that is.

Holy shit.

That road.

This is a really bad tattoo.

No, I think that's awesome.

This is the last one you get.

After that one, I'm like, we're done.

Check out the first one I got.

Oh, yeah.

How about that?

This is this year.

That's cool.

See, yeah, that looks good.

This is in Galena, Illinois.

These guys just...

printing stamps on my body.

Remember when, like, you didn't know in 2005 that tattoos could be subtle or well done?

They were just stamps, man.

Sucked.

Man, I can't imagine.

It's already intimidating being in that area, seeing that fucking tiger's face right before I.

Right before you, what,

where was that going?

He was talking about going down on your diet and dick.

You got his diamond stud over here.

All right, you're, you're, as I, as I, Leo's something for that thing, if you catch my drift.

Yeah, you bet.

Blood diamond.

Okay.

As I alluded to, you're, you're something of an outdoors man.

I love being outside a lot.

Uh, yeah.

I've like whenever I'm camping, I'm like no one's mad at me here right that's how i feel so i and and mitch your connection with camping the animal's probably not thrilled that you're in there sure sure the people around me are mad at me whoever i'm with is like i'm mad at you like yeah you're not in charge of my job anyway i spent way too much of my youth as part of the christianist indoctrination org the boy scouts of america and so that my association with camping is pretty negative from all those those mandatory camp outs you were you you you mostly worked for the for the christian end of that, right?

You were trying to get kids in there.

You were sent out into the field to bring them in.

Let's pray.

It was a, yeah, so like, like, like, I've not returned to camping.

When I became an adult, I was like, hey.

I can stay in a hotel now.

And so, but I, but there, in recent years, and partly, yeah, we were talking about this before we recorded.

You were on High and Mighty, our buddy John Gabris's podcast, talking about, you know, camping and about the outdoors.

Like, like things like that make me want to experience again, because i bet i could come to it with fresh eyes and middle age and appreciate it you need a you need so you need like uh an entry-level person to bring you you need to go with a pal who has all the gear to show you a good time and joshua tree so you don't have to spend you know like two thousand dollars to get all the gear that you essentially want by the end of it um and like

yeah but if somebody takes you and you just have a good time like then you're like oh cool now i guess the next time i'll get a new sleeping bag and then i'll get a new yes and it just like slowly builds to where you're like now i have great gear and this is just the most fun thing in the world and i love it because like I grew up in Iowa, like, which is very outdoors, very nature.

And I hated it.

I wanted to be in New York City.

I was like, fuck Iowa.

I hate Iowa.

I hate this.

And then when I got to like New York, I was like, I really miss nature.

And so it's like a good escape whenever I'm stressed, like going to look at the ocean.

I'll go look at a mountain.

I'll go camp at the beach.

Like it truly is just like, instead of going to therapy, that's what I go do.

I should probably do both.

Yeah.

I know.

Surface of the beach.

I love that.

That would be great.

That would be great.

Mitch, what is your camping experience?

Well, I don't know if Gabriel's talked about this.

I went, Ross Kimball and Gabriel.

Oh, that's right.

A friend of the pod.

We went,

was this post?

It was post-COVID, right?

It was

maybe a year out of COVID or something.

The timing sounds right.

Yeah, y'all had a little outdoors adventure.

COVID got everybody out.

Yeah.

That like destroyed the national parks with overflow.

Like, I mean, it was people were getting out there, and then the parks rangers were like, we're overwhelmed.

I'm like, because all the sites are full, but like, that is why they were overwhelmed.

Sure, yes.

No, they were like, yeah, we aren't used to this.

I was like, okay, that's fair.

We, we added to that mess for sure.

And, and I, Gabrison, and Ross was like, we'll hike and we'll hike up to this lake.

And I got, where was this?

I'm going to text and figure out where it was.

But we went and it was so clear because he was like, how's like your

how's like your conditioning going?

And I was like, good.

And I was like, I can walk around.

Like, I can do like a three mile walk.

And he was like, he was like, okay, great.

And then we were hiking and it was just, it was a fucking true nightmare.

It was.

And are you just wearing your Adidas?

You do, I assume you don't have hiking.

I bought hiking shoes.

I had hiking.

I had hiking socks.

We bought like gear.

It was just that sort of thing of like the entrance to even get to the place.

It was like a tough walk up, like kind of vertically straight up.

And we were walking and I was like, I'm not gonna make it.

And Gabris was very nice because we were like, we made it like a certain amount, and the lake was still like three miles away or something.

Just like, and like not an easy hike at all.

And I was like, I don't know if I can do it.

And Gabris was very nice in that he was like, and because Gabrius is a very athletic man, a big guy,

super athletic.

Nimble.

I'd call him nimble.

He is, he's very nimble.

So he's, he's, he, I am, I do not have the athletic stamina that he has at all.

But he was very nice in that he was like i was almost checked out too i couldn't have gone too much further it was it was too big of a hike for our first time and then we went back and we had drinks and it was great and then i went swimming in a river and i almost got swept down the river and gabris is afraid but i gulped a bunch of water and then i got so sick i couldn't walk two feet with like out shitting my pants whoa i got like some sort of was this like eastern sierras like up the 395 sounds like that i think yes hold on i'm gonna find out exactly where it was yeah it was but it was uh but you're saying your body was just rebelling to like like because mountain sickness is a real thing you can get sick from elevation is that what you're saying or you're saying you got a waterborne no i got some waterborne borne illness oh that's horrible it was uh and i it was it was one of the big ones i got the doctor brain amoeba

that's the big one

it was not a brain i mean maybe it is i mean i've had since then you know i just went on the craziest adventure of my whole life uh where i did think i was gonna die with some uh pro skateboarder friends where one of them won the lottery through the national park service where you raft through the Grand Canyon for 18 days.

Wow.

Like, and we didn't have like a guide or anything.

It's just like, we just kind of lied about our skills and like went through really upsetting rapids without any knowledge of how to do it.

And like, I got thrown out and was pulled under.

Oh my God.

Yeah.

I was like in the water for like way too long and like got hypothermia and had to do like the little blanket by the fire after like uh

being positive I was drowning.

Jesus.

This is like in February.

It's the only time I've ever been like, oh, I'm dying.

And I always thought dying might be chill.

It's so scary.

It's really scary.

I was like, this is not chill.

I'm so cold.

The water's so cold.

And I can't breathe.

I'm going to be hyper aware that when I do die.

And then I like pulled myself out.

But

they were all like, ah, how fun was that?

And because these guys are like professional skateboarders who kind of, I think, do want to die a little bit.

Right.

And I was like, I like doing crazy shit, but this is fucking bad idea, guys.

And I was like, I don't, and that was day eight.

We still had 10 more days of

rapids.

And I was like, I don't want to do this.

I don't want to do this.

But the only way out was to call a helicopter with our sap phone.

So I was like, just, it was awful.

But then in hindsight, it was fun.

The genre of

like river rapid movies is a pretty bleak genre.

If you like, look at what, you know, the river wild or like deliverance.

Like, these are not movies where things work out okay for everyone.

I like that.

That's one of your

Deliverance.

Well, true, I watched Deliverance not that long ago.

It's not that interesting.

And like the rape scene is like pretty quick.

It's weird.

Oh, yeah.

I've heard this complaint before.

Oh, yeah, I guess you're right.

But I was just like,

the myth of it was more than what it was in my head.

I was like, oh, that's the thing I've been scared of that I've never like.

Not rape, but like just that scene was

weird

people that are going to come and get you.

Yeah.

And then I watched it.

I was like, oh, this is just, it seems pretty realistic.

Well, you know what else is realistic?

Is that Burt Reynolds nearly was killed?

And there's a scene there, right, where he gets.

Yes, we did, we covered Deliverance on the podcast, which when we were doing Atlanta, and I remember that the HPL a few years ago.

I think that was like 2017, 2018 at this point, long time ago.

But when I was watching that movie, I did find that sequence quite harrowing.

But the overall thing, the overall experience, I was just like, this just seems so miserable like what a awful journey into hell it was so what was cool about the grand canyon 18 days was no phones uh like not that we i love that we just didn't have phones and like each day was a mission yeah to get further down uh and so like it was like intense therapy by the end it was just like you know it was It was awesome.

Like, I just really thought a lot.

And honestly, when I was down there, I felt like I came out fixed.

Like after 18 days, I was like, oh, so, okay, cool.

I totally know how to like,

like, be normal when I, and I, but I didn't realize that everyone in the world also didn't just do 18 days of like solitude.

So when I came out there, like, just, we've been watching TV all week, man.

You were all also deeply, deeply thinking about our relationships.

Oh, oh, gosh.

Okay.

Okay.

All right.

That's good for you, though.

That's a good place to be.

It was awesome.

Yeah.

It was great.

I mean, you almost died too, I guess.

But that's.

No, but that was like, I, I felt this way.

I will never invite anybody on that trip if we go again because I'm like, you can die.

And I don't want to be the guy who invited the person who dies for sure.

But I'll go on it.

I mean, I will die.

It sounds like I got, I realized I got E.

coli.

That's what I got from the river.

That is the big one.

That's right.

Besides brain worm.

Yeah.

Is it brain worm?

No, he's just, that's the other one.

Mine went to brain amoeba because that's what, and when I hear about someone getting an illness from a lake that kills them, it's that.

And that sounds like such a horrifying dash.

But it sounds like you just got some shit in your mouth.

Yeah, I got like, I got like, yeah, like a deer turd or bear shit or something in my mouth.

That's crazy.

that's a really bad experience it was so it was I got home and then like that next like a few days later because I was like we had camped out in the cold and I was I got cold so I was like oh I'm getting sick but then it was that sort of thing where I was like I couldn't I couldn't get up from the I was like oh this really feels like I'm dying I never had anything like that I supposedly if you die in the cold it's not it feels like you're going you're you feel like you're going to sleep take your clothes off or something yeah yeah it feels hypothermia hypothermia feels like you're going to sleep it's not a bad way to die but it sounds like being underwater and and being cold.

Drowning.

It's mostly the drowning.

Drowning sounds like it is.

They say they say drowning is not bad, but it sounded like that was very bad.

And you, on the bright side, you and Burt Reynolds had a very similar experience.

He broke, like, didn't he break ribs and shit or whatever?

I don't remember the details, but yeah, it was, it was not a great experience making that movie, from what I've heard.

I had that, I had it happen one time where I, on my 21st birthday, you know, I got hammered and I was really, I thought I was hungover for like two weeks.

It's like two weeks later, and I'm just like, I just can't get rid of this hangover and i was like i'll go to the doctor and like you have spinal meningitis oh my god i was like that makes more sense than just being hungover from two weeks ago

what what what is the treatment like for that how long was the recovery uh i had to like leave college for a little bit oh my gosh

just like a week but i was like you can't be in college for this yeah do you have any idea how you contracted it or i think living like a like a dirty dirty person right sure that's the thing is like when you when you drink and you get it's like oh i got sick because i was drinking and my body doesn't feel good or whatever, and you just kind of write it off.

I'm living in a tetanus house.

We were talking about the Doughboys and the house you lived in, and they both sounded like a true nightmares.

Terrifying, yeah.

Yeah, they were.

I know, I know from the birthday.

I didn't live there, but the birthday boys' house was a true nightmare.

You even went there before, yeah.

You said the Dough Boys house at first, but you met the Boys.

Oh, the Dough Boys, oh my god, the Dough Boys.

The Dough Boy's house would be so cool.

Oh my god, no, that I keep that thing spick and span.

So tidy, knock on my door at 5:45 a.m.

You up, buddy?

No,

in fact, I'm about to go to sleep.

Well,

I live, so ours was called the Power Violence Mansion, which is not a place you want to live.

No,

and we went to the uh birthday boys' house and we were like, This is how you should do it.

That's how dark ours was.

Oh, Jesus.

We looked up to how you guys were living.

You were you were saying that an elevator, which

there was an elevator, it was like an old, I don't know, 70s house that had an elevator that would just open up into bed, just open up into your room.

Yeah, it's like a four-story mansion, and you would be like asleep or like trying to sleep, and there'd be a party downstairs because it's all never not a party downstairs.

Because 13 people live there, 13 psychos.

And you just hear somebody would get drunk and want to show off the elevator, like, all right, man, she has the elevator.

And you would just hear it coming up to your room.

And you'd be like, no, no, no.

And the door would just open and be 15 people you've never met that are just like, wow.

And you're like, it's Tuesdays.

You got to stop.

That's, that is, That's too much.

That's too much for me.

That's why I never,

I like to party like that, but I like to be at that house and then go to my own

thing.

And that's like Kalpacus' room was like in the middle of like a living room.

It was a downstairs living room, but it was just in the middle.

And like a.

Yeah, no.

So you'd be partying in Kalpakis' room, basically, a lot of the time.

My room, when I first moved there, my room was an entrance to a different room.

So like I was in the hallway is what that is called.

Yeah.

I'm just like in and out.

And then our friend, our friend Clay Tatum, who's this really great comic.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah.

His parents moved out.

His mom and dad moved into the house.

Oh, my God.

And Clay, to deal with that, he moved out.

So we just swapped who was living in Clay's room.

It was his mom and dad and not Clay anymore.

And like, when one of your really good friends leaves, it's a downgrade.

And then when his mom and dad are now there, you're like, what the fuck happened, Clay?

Were they okay with the partying partying and stuff?

I mean, they had to be.

Yeah, that's insane.

It wasn't really an option.

We weren't going to stop because they were there.

But it was weird to be like, oh, yeah, that's Clay's parents.

They live here too.

That's a premise.

I love that.

Just like

someone moving out and their parents moving in.

That's wild.

So Whitmer Thomas and Clay did write.

I sold a pilot about it, and so did they.

So it was a premise.

It was a pretty good thing.

Turns out not a full season,

but a great premise.

Okay, I want to ask you again, just about, go on, Mitch.

I just, I have where it was.

Big Paint.

Big Pine?

Big Pine Lakes.

Big Pay was a Big Pain.

Big Pine Lakes Trail is what we did.

I know exactly that show.

That trail rocks and will kick your ass.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

I mean, like, just the entrance

steep.

Yeah, yeah, the first entrance just to go up.

Yeah.

And then we were like kind of on like the level area, but then you had to go up again.

I think that's where Temple Crag is.

That's like one of the most beautiful like lakes in California.

Oh, man.

Yeah.

We I didn't make it to the lake, sadly.

And someone has like a house up there.

There's like an old, there's like an actor or somebody who has a fucking little cottage or something halfway there.

I was excited to see that, but I didn't make it.

Yeah.

I know.

Yeah, that trail is good, but that trail is.

I got like, not him being like, even me, but like, I remember I fucked my knee up on that trail.

Yeah.

You're, you're, you're, you're an outdoorsman.

I was like, yeah, that's like what I love doing.

Yeah, I, I, I, I did enjoy it.

I just, I, I need to be for your first foray, it was maybe a little ambitious.

It was a little ambitious.

You guys start small.

Ross.

And

I will take you guys.

We'll do a In the Field Doughboys episode

where we go to Joshua Tree.

Joshua Tree's a perfect entrance.

I love it.

Because

easy hikes around there.

You climb up boulders.

The sunset's insane.

You can take mushrooms.

Like, it's real mellow.

It's so fun.

And then just Wagger

coming out covered in blood.

Where's Brooks and Mitch?

Don't worry about it.

I had a, I've been to Joshua Tree, again, for Boy Scouts.

Those are the only contexts, the only context I visited Joshua Tree, I think, a couple of times.

They did go rappelling there and rock climbing.

Yeah, we don't need to do any of that.

We'll just sit around a fire and hang out.

Yeah, but I did also get lost.

So I had an experience where I was like lost

on a rock formation for like 40 minutes, like by myself.

I got separated from my patrol.

This is terrible.

Yeah, it was really.

And so I was just standing there.

And I reached a point where I was just, I just started, I didn't know what to do because I didn't know where to go.

I didn't know which, like, I didn't have a a compass.

I didn't know which direction.

That wouldn't have been helped me anyway because I didn't know where to fucking go.

So there was a point where I just like went out onto a little

overlook and just started yelling out into a canyon, help!

I'm lost.

My name is Nicholas.

And I just yelled that for like 15 minutes.

I need to come in here and make sure we're okay

until a guy, like a dude with a backpack, like sprinted over and was like, hey, Nicholas, like, like, where, like, where's your, you know, who are you with?

And I said, like, I went with Chube29 or whatever.

And then he went and got them and I got, I got rescued, but it was like a whole ordeal.

It's not fun to be screaming, help, I'm lost.

Well, again, that's like, but, but we're talking about camping.

These are my memories of going on camping.

Come on, come on on a little

starter camping trip.

Yeah.

I saw this woman one time.

What if I this is an insane story I've never heard before?

I think I may have told, I may have told you guys one thing.

Nicholas, stay there.

Pull your pants up, though.

I was hiking in Hawaii at the Nepali Coast.

It was an awesome trail.

One of the most beautiful things I've ever done.

By the way, I'm Googling the actor who had a cabin on this lake.

I'm trying to figure out who it is.

I'm not being rude.

Just to let you know.

But there, so it's like a hilly as fuck.

And there was this woman about a mile, it's like an out and back trail.

There's a woman maybe a mile from the entrance.

And she's an old woman and she's laying down.

And there's like a parks ranger there.

He's like, Ma'am, we got to help you get out of here.

And she's like, Call a helicopter.

I don't care.

Call a helicopter.

And he's like, We don't need to call a helicopter.

Let's sit down.

Let's have some water.

She's like, Call a helicopter, call a helicopter, call a helicopter.

He's like, Fuck it.

We're calling the helicopter.

So call a helicopter, come rescue her.

She's a mile walk away.

And I think that she thought she would get to just climb into the helicopter, but that's not what happens.

They drop a gurney from the sky, and she realized, like, I don't want to do that.

Yeah.

And she was like, oh, I can walk, I can walk.

And the dude's like, it's fucking here, lady.

And so he just like strapped her in while she's screaming and pulled her off into the sky.

Oh, my.

One of the most fascinating things I've ever witnessed.

That rocks.

Yeah.

I was like, this is so funny.

I would have loved to see little you fucking, the helicopter struggling to pull you, fucking pick you up in the basket.

It was a fat piece of shit.

Yeah, you're a fat shit.

Yeah, that's what I'm saying.

He was so heavy as a little kid helicopter couldn't get up

this is embarrassing

okay i'd read they got a refuel uh but

i was gonna say brooke if you if you if you take us if you take us camping I bet you you will open up our tent on the first day and Nick and I will be like mummified.

I don't think we are.

We're not.

But you thought it was going to be awesome.

You have more experience with it than I do.

I went camping just like a couple times when I was younger.

I wonder how much of that knowledge would return if I'm like, oh, I know how to, I still know how to tie a top line hitch or whatever.

Like, you know what I mean?

Like, I don't know.

I also don't know how useful any of that is.

I camp with my best friend, this guy, Carl Hess, and he was like a little adventure guy.

Okay.

He remembers all that shit.

Wow.

And but we'd get in a fight the other day because like we were hanging out and I was just like, we were biking over this place called the Donner Pass.

And I was like, I'm fucking, I'm like, I'm so tired.

This is such a hard thing.

And he was like, have some gorp.

And I was like, what the fuck is gorp?

And it's a term

from like Boy Scouts.

He's like, it's Trail Mix is what it is.

But he's like, it's good old raisins and peanuts.

I go, do not call it Gorp.

I did, I was annoyed by the term Gorp.

I'm so shocked you don't use Gorp.

You're shocked that I don't say Gorp right now.

It seems like a wager is Trail.

I can see that, yeah.

It's Trail Mix.

I was thinking the character.

It does.

It feels like it'd be an animated character's name, Gorp.

Right.

Like,

I like Squirrel.

Yeah, and you're just, you know,

I was on my wit's end and then Carl's like fucking calling it Gorp and I just snapped on him.

I go, you're 41.

No, Gorp does annoy me.

I, but it is like one of those ones where it's like, oh, that's an acronym.

I recently learned that gulag is an acronym in Russian.

Really?

Yeah.

What does it stand for?

It stands in this thing because it's Russian, so it's a different alpha, you know, it's a different alphabet.

So like the letters don't line up, but it's something like like administrative state where, you know, like prison, like it's, it's some sort of some different thing.

But I was just like, the term gulag, that's a, I don't know, all those letters stand for something.

How about about that i had no idea that that's fun i thought it just meant prison i thought it was russian for like bad prison was basically what i thought it was but yeah it does make sense though it makes total sense that they wouldn't be like they it would be this long administrative term for terrible

okay we've been talking about the outdoors we have to talk about it from a food standpoint sure so like you know i also found out it's lon chaney who okay lon chane and i in in the and what the 30s yeah the cap it's it's it's still standing right it's there it's fine it's not as exciting as you think he's not in there.

You hope he's going to be in there.

Yeah, he's not.

Lon Cheney, was he?

Who was he?

Was he uh, was he a drag?

Was he a Dracula or a Vampire?

I only know Lon Cheney from the movie Jackass, where Johnny Knoxville's being old and trying to steal.

Remember this when he did the first old guy, and the guy's yelling at him, and Johnny Knoxville said, I was Lon Cheney's lover.

Oh, right.

To me, I was like, What the fuck does that mean?

And I looked up, I was like, Oh, he's an old actor.

He's an old actor, but I thought he was an actor and makeup artist.

Was it, was he, was he a monster?

Was he, was it, was he one of the monsters?

Not the monsters.

Leon Cheney was the wolf man.

I knew it.

Yes.

Also, the Phantom and the Phantom of the Opera.

Wow.

Double monster.

Dude, double cool.

Well,

he's not a monster, Mitch.

You missed the point of the movie.

Monster Mitch is also, I like that too.

Oh,

the Phantom is not a.

Oh, come on.

He's still a monster.

He was also a quasi-mole.

Oh, a third monster.

No.

It's a monster trying to act in these movies and understand what they're trying to say.

Yeah, I fucking chase him with a fucking

torch.

Fucking chase after fucking Phantom and fucking Quasimodo.

It's got to hurt your feelings at some point if you're like, all right, I'll do Wolfman.

You know, okay, yeah, I'll also be disfigured Phantom guy.

Quasimoto.

Quasimoto.

What does this say about me?

Rebooting basket case.

You want to be that?

Oh, Jesus Christ.

I guess.

I feel like I would chase Quasimodo with a torch and then I would also get chased in there and be fucking

me and Quasimodo in the fucking chapel together.

He turned around, he's got his own torch.

What the fuck?

Quasi turned on me?

Get him.

They support Quasimoto over me.

Yeah, they might like Man in the Iron Mask You, where you are now the bell tower thing, and Quasimoto hosts a pretty popular podcast.

Fucking hell.

Man of Fritos.

I don't know what he sounds like.

There's no real.

Is he French?

Probably French.

He is from Jack.

Notre Dame.

I think that's how they say it.

All right, outdoors.

What are you eating out there?

I'm cooking good.

I love making good food.

Are we talking an open fire?

We're talking a camp stove?

So it depends.

It depends on, you know, California wildfires are pretty real.

Yes.

If we remember every day.

So

if their fires are allowed, I love cooking open.

over an open flame but um if they're not i have a little camp stove propane and i just have some cast iron stuff We got a Dutch oven.

We're set up for success.

I like taking

when I take my boys to the woods.

We eat right.

I love it.

So what is it?

I mean, you're getting us more on board.

Steaks, like.

Oh, boy.

Yeah.

Steaks usually like

asparagus is real fun over a fire.

Like steaks and veggies a lot.

And then in the morning, you'll just crush like sausage, bacon, like, and

like you can tortillas a lot of breakfast,

like breakfast burritos.

Sure.

That's great yeah i i do remember liking like camp oatmeal like hot oats in the morning or hot cream of wheat or something some sort of hot breakfast the best part about eating while you're camping is no matter what it's like being on a plane and eating yeah whatever you have is like 10 times better than how it normally is because

i'm outside like like i made this here like if somebody gave me like a plane meal like

at a real restaurant, I'd fight them.

I'd be like, are you fucking eating?

But on a plane, I'm like, this is crazy.

This is so good.

Yeah, same with camping.

Are you?

Do you ever do the classic Franks and beans sort of?

Love a hot dog.

Yeah.

A hot dog over a fire camping.

Clean up.

I like when you eat the plate.

That's what a hot dog is.

You're getting to eat the plate.

Yeah, that is fun.

That's huge.

Just don't mess.

So

you're bringing meat in, you're bringing vegetables in.

I mean, obviously, you got to be concerned about spoilage, but I guess it depends on how long you're going to be able to do it.

When I'm car camping, like when I'm backpacking, then it is straight up just ramen.

Right.

I'm just eating ramen.

I guess that's what I'm thinking of because I did do a lot of backpacking as and again in Boy Scouts.

And so like a lot of times it was like,

you know,

we're literally having powdered milk a lot of times, which I remember hating,

having like warm, like

milk that came from a box.

Right.

Were your fellow scouts when they opened their bag?

They're like, there's a bunch of horny manga in here.

There's no camp supplies.

He likes manga.

Why does why does why does Weiger have Valkyrie Drive mermaid?

I think he didn't get that.

Oh, what a great random poll.

I don't even know how to riff on that.

Okay.

I got to check that out.

Rob.

I need to check that out.

Do you worry about the big concern bears?

Or if you're in Big Pine, like the Wolfman?

Yeah.

So

recently I was on a trip.

I was on a backpacking trip, bikepacking trip with Carl Hess, and we had biked like 40 miles that day.

We're in like eastern, like northern California above Truckee at the Donner Pass, where the Donners ate each other.

We were like right there.

Oh, my God.

Yeah.

It was pretty, pretty wild.

Yeah, the Donner party, you know this, Miss.

The way they were turned to cannibalism.

Yeah.

Yeah.

So, but you would never do that.

We were like, so I was so exhausted and we like threw down our camp stuff.

And Carl's like, all right, we got to like put this up in the tree for a bear.

And I was like, do we have to?

And he was like, this is where the campground's called Bear Valley.

it's the name of it it's probably because it's bear and i was like all right all right so yeah you throw it up in a tree and you

uh yeah you put that up there but um also one time do they still will they still come to that or no i don't know i haven't you haven't experienced it i haven't experienced it one time i was camping alone in wyoming and realized i didn't have any bear spray and then i got a nosebleed and i was like oh this is a bad combo oh my god

from the elevations yeah

i've been like camping alone for a a while.

Anytime I get real stressed, I'll go camp alone and it like helps.

Jeez, that scares the hell out of me.

Do you bring a sat phone or anything like that or no?

I mean,

I have a phone.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

But I don't know.

Did you see the movie Good Time?

It came out last year.

It's a very small indie release, but it's just all about

the Safty Brothers movie.

No, no, no, no, no.

Do they call it Good Time?

It's not called Good Time.

It's called Good Good One.

No, it sounds good, though.

Good One.

I think as a hiker, because all it is, is it's a teenage girl and her dad and the dad's friend and they just go on a hike and it's just as slice of lifey as it sounds and i like i'm watching this thing and i'm like i'm just loving it because it's just sort of like you know walking around nature and having real human conversations but there is a moment in that movie which is really really effective which

they reach they reach this overlook and they're looking at this beautiful lake and they're like wow look at that And then one of them is like, oh, I get cell service here.

And they all just start checking their phones.

And it's just like, wow, yeah, that's the thing of just, you're so isolate, you're so, you're removed from that side of things.

But then when the opportunity like returns, you're instinctively going to be like, well, this is the thing that demands my attention.

Well, and that's what's happening with the Grand Canyon trip.

Like now I think they have Skylink like works down there.

Yeah.

Like just recently.

Yeah.

So we were all like on this trip and our phones didn't work and they couldn't do anything.

We're like, oh, what if we implemented a rule that you can't use them next time with Starlink?

We're like, that rule doesn't work.

You know, it's going to be there.

Right.

We're not going to be jerks being like, go, go.

You know, like, you're going to go to your tent.

You're going to look up shit.

It's like, yeah, it was, I think we all will have cell service forever now, and that sucks.

Yeah, it's a bummer.

Yeah, it's a bummer.

Did you ever do you ever see the movie The Bear?

Oh, this is the Japanese movie

originally, right?

And it's like a little bear cub.

It's very sad.

Yeah.

The mother bear gets killed by like hunters, and then it's about like the baby bear and it eats mushrooms at one point and it trips in the movie.

Do you not do you not know of this?

I know this movie I've never seen like fourth grade.

Yeah, I watched it way too young.

Yeah, but no, I'm aware of this movie.

Yeah, I know its reputation.

That's also how I feel like they showed us that movie and Milo and Otis.

Yeah, like the same time.

Another movie where I think animals maybe were no, they killed like 11 dogs on Milo.

Yeah, yeah, it was a lot of 17 Otises.

Yeah, there was in the 60s when they were just like, just fucking let it put it in a basket.

We'll shoot it going over the waterfall.

It'll be fine.

Yes, that's that is insane.

I think, like, the because it was this is another Japanese movie.

I think that like, you know, the Japan film department or whatever is like, they were all fine.

Nothing bad happened.

You're like, I think it's impossible that everything was fine.

But the bear, I think, I don't know if the bear has as much stuff, but there is like a full animated tripping.

The bear eats magic mushrooms and fully trips during it.

And I was watching it in like fourth grade and being like, what is, I don't understand

what is happening in this movie.

But this brings me to my question.

What would be the scariest thing to see in the woods?

Well, like, okay.

A bear?

Pretty scary.

Wolfman.

Quasimoto.

Or

Phantom of the Opera.

I'm surprised you didn't throw on like a Sasquatch.

Because I feel like.

Did you say that on purpose?

No.

Did you say it that way on purpose?

What happened?

Say it again.

Sass squatch.

Sas squatch.

I've never, that's not what it's called.

I would not be.

I would not be.

I'm not mad at you.

No, I am.

Okay, okay.

I'm very mad at him.

Linguistics is descriptive, not prescriptive.

People can say things different ways.

I would not be afraid of a sass squatch.

Okay,

some sort of cryptid because because what you described outside of the wolf man you're not describing any existing cryptids right sure so like like i for me i think like yeah quasimoto

phantom a skunk ape a chupacabra i would be most scared of el chupacabra because that thing's fucking scary I'm most scared of a person because like those things live in the woods, but if you run into Quasimoto, you're like, he upped up no good.

Those things might just be chilling.

Yeah.

But like he's on up.

He's doing bad stuff.

It could be to be there.

Could be a crazy deliverance person.

Could be some rich guy who's going to hunt you for sport.

Like, there's things you have.

Like, yes, you're right.

I think I would rather danger.

I'd rather see Quasimoto than Phantom.

Phantom's wearing a mask.

You know what I mean?

I'd be wondering what's that masked guy doing in the woods.

I feel a little confused

with an opera cape.

What the hell's going on?

The most scared I ever have been camping.

I was camping alone in Northern California, and it was deep Bureau of Land Management land.

Nobody's around me, like miles from people.

And somebody just in the middle of the night, like walked up on my site.

Like, and I was like, I didn't have, I had like a knife and that was it.

And like, I think that

I, in my head, what happened?

Cause like, I just heard this guy like walking and then I was like, yo, hey.

And then he stopped and I was like, and then I was in my tent and I'm afraid.

And I think I scared him.

So I think we parted ways, but there was like three hours where I was like, is that guy going gonna kill me like it was pretty pretty that was a so running into a person is not fun in the woods no that's horrifying did he not yell anything back didn't say shit i don't know what he was up to we were not close to anything and just never heard him again i was like all right i'm gonna i'm gonna leave when as soon as the light is out that's wild yeah i just i had my mallet in my tent i didn't like so i was just like holding on to this mallet being like this fucker comes in my tent i guess i gotta fight him with a mallet like jesus that was that was unfun i will say that's very uh like uh you know primeval or like

it's going back to like,

when you were out in the woods, that's, I guess, the way it was back in the, you know, back in the.

You don't want to run into people in the woods.

Yeah.

Well, that guy is guesting on another podcast telling his version of the story.

Definitely fucking.

He's like, I'm just on a hike, and this dude's screaming at me.

I'm like,

so I'm.

He's clearly got a mallet.

That's exactly what's happening.

He's on Clawkie Moto's podcast right now.

Okay,

I do want to talk about a place that you both were talking about before we began recording, which is quarter sheets, pivoting away from the outdoors to here in the city.

I'm very happy you're talking about this.

Your favorite restaurant grievances.

Yes.

Oh, yeah.

You haven't aired enough grievances yet today, Mitch.

My favorite restaurant in Los Angeles right now.

Same.

My favorite restaurant in Los Angeles.

I had.

Evan Susser, Joe Saunders, and David Phillips, and I were going to get dinner there.

Yes.

Which, if you don't know about quarter sheets, it's hard to get in.

It's hard to get in.

It's really difficult, genuinely hard to get a reservation at this 35-seat pizza restaurant.

100%.

And I'm friendly with the owner, Aaron, and

I messaged him and I was like, hey, is it possible to get this time?

And then there was kind of a miscommunication that went on.

But I said to him, I was like, oh, I don't think we can get, I don't know if we can get seats there, but David Phillips was going to the Lakers game.

And he's like, I can't do that night anyways.

And I was like, okay, I don't think it matters because I don't think we could get seats there.

And then I got a confirmation that we could get seats there, but he's going to the fucking Lakers game.

So I have to, I had to cancel the whole thing.

I was stressed out about it because someone's doing you a favor to sit down there.

Yeah, sure.

And the fucking Lakers ruin fucking everything.

But you didn't, but you didn't go back to him and give the heads up.

Actually, we don't need this.

Of course I did.

That's what I was doing.

That's what I was doing today.

But then

he got back to you before you could reply to him.

Yeah,

yes, yes.

He got back to me before it because I didn't think it was going to happen.

Have you eaten at quarter sheets?

No, not yet.

It is

the only time in my whole life where I ate at a place and was like, I fucking get the line.

Yes.

I get this pizza is different.

I got to go.

It's great.

It's so good.

Let's go record some of it.

I should have, I should have, we should have gone tonight.

I can't go tonight.

We're going to the fucking Lakers game.

The fucking Lakers game is ruined fucking everything.

Well, that's what you get for being friends with all of the Lakers.

This is what happens.

Ever go to their work?

He wishes.

That would be a fun.

I mean,

that would be fun.

He wishes he was on the Lakers.

Yeah.

Who wouldn't?

Having a friend in the NBA would be, that would be great.

That would be cool.

Yeah.

Yeah.

We could get an NBA player on the show at some point.

You should.

I don't understand why you canceled the reservation.

You could have, like, you have other friends.

friends.

It's one for four.

And I couldn't.

I would have asked you to go.

I just, it was all to end, so I canceled it last night.

And I just.

But this was for tonight.

And

your party again was, it was you, the deli boys, David Phillips and Evan Susser, the commissioner, and then Joe Saunders.

Yeah.

You would have, we probably would have needed more than four seats, me, suss, and then the other two guys.

Saunder guys.

Yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

No, I was going to say, do you know I'm going to the Lakers game tonight with Joe Saunders?

Yes.

Now you reveal that to me now, too.

Yeah.

But when you ask for a favor for something, then you feel like such a piece of shit when it doesn't.

I get it.

I've done this before, but I went alone to, I made a reservation, make a reservation, asked for tickets to go to the New York Rangers game.

Wow.

Through Saturday Night Live.

And I asked Keenan Thompson, who is one of the coolest guys in the world.

I was like, Keenan, do you want to go to the Rangers game with me?

And he's like, yeah, that sounds really fun.

And so I was riding my bike to Madison Square Garden, like asked for these tickets, like great tickets,

like amazing, you know?

And Keenan texted me.

He says, hey, my wife's sick.

I am sorry.

I'm really, really sorry.

I can't make it.

And I was like, ooh, and it was too close to like find somebody new to go.

So I was like, I'll just go alone.

Like, you can do things alone.

Of course.

I genuinely was like, oh, you know what?

I'll take myself to the Rangers game.

And I was just sitting there and I'm having fun.

I'm eating a hot dog.

game of rules.

And I'm like, this is really nice.

And the guy came over, like the New York Rangers like crew, the camera people or whatever, came over to be like, hey, somebody had a clipboard.

They're like, so it's you or your Brooks?

I was like, yes.

He's like, and then it says Keenan Thompson's with you.

I go, oh, yeah, he had to can't, he, he's not.

It's just me.

So they had the camera to do the jumbotron.

I was like, so we don't need to do the jumbotron, you know, because the famous guy is not here.

Right.

And they were like, no, no, no, no, no.

We did a package for both of you guys.

I was like, okay.

And so they like show, they're like, look who's in the crowd or whatever.

You know, it's like, I I don't fucking know, like Reese Witherspoon's like over there or some shit.

And everyone's like, oh, fucking Reese Witherspoon.

And they show like a Reese Witherspoon movie.

And then they show, then it's

comes to me and Keenan, who's not there.

They're like, all right.

And then

before they showed us, they showed Keenan Thompson doing the knuckle puck from the Mighty Ducks.

So clearly they're.

We're about to see Keenan Thompson.

That's a lot of hype already.

And then Keenan Thompson being super duper duper funny on an SNL sketch where I brought him like a like a lunch where I was like, here you are, sir.

So

clearly, this is this is definitely not just going to be the guy who brought the lunch

alone without Keenan.

And it was just boom, Brooks baby.

A disappointed Madison Square Guard.

Like everyone was like, Not that one.

Why would you show Keenan doing the knuckle puck?

And yeah.

And then like the next day,

at work, Keenan was like, How was the game?

I was like, it was fucking awful, dude.

It sucks.

Don't go by yourself.

You'd be so embarrassed.

Mr.

Mike Hamford, Bo Hamford, Mike Hamford's dad,

if a sketch, if he was watching SNL and a sketch wasn't, like it was a sketch that wasn't doing well, he would always go, bring out Keenan.

That's what he used to go out.

That's what you do when you're writing it.

If you're out of an idea, you're like, Keenan enters.

He'll figure this out.

I made Bo sound.

I made Bo Hamford sound like Trump, I realize.

It does not sound like Trump.

But you should have go to quarter sheets.

I'd love to go.

I've told him that he has to be.

Have you all been?

I've never been.

I should have been because I can walk there from my house, but I have not been yet.

Give me the

fucking rules.

And that's an Italian speaker.

Okay, here's the...

Oh, speak.

I have something to say on that in a second.

Well, here's how

it is.

I have something I want to say about her being Italian in a second.

I'll just tease it.

I do want to throw out for

the tease it?

Yeah.

Now I feel bad with what I'm going to say, but this is just for the Doughboys listeners.

You listen to a cool podcast, you should know that the secret, because I live right next to Quarter Sheets, too.

You go when it opens at five, you put your name in, and they just kind of hang out around there, and you go like at like 6:30.

Yeah, you go around the corner.

There's a bar right around the corner over there.

What's the bar on that corner?

They used to.

Little Joy.

Little Joy.

Little Joy.

And now go on with your racism.

I came in this morning.

I was like, hey, how you doing?

I was just like doing Italian voice,

which I guess is not great.

But Amelia was like,

was like, hey, immediately was like, hey, how you doing?

She started giving it back to me.

And then she goes, you know, it's Paisan Week.

May 8th to 11th is Paisano Week.

Oh, May 8th to 11th is Paisano.

What the fuck is Paisano week?

We're having together on tour around Paisano Week.

Wait, this is a real thing.

What is Paisano week?

No, my sister sent me something that said Paisano Week is May 8th to 11th in New Jersey.

Oh, Paisan.

Oh, PaisanCon 2025 is coming to Rutherford, New Jersey, May 9th.

Your sister shares with you Paisan Con texts.

Wait, there's an Italian conference?

What is con for Italians?

Will you go to Paisancon.com and just like tell me what it says it is?

It says it's a celebration of Italian heritage, pop culture, food, and so much more.

Okay.

Spaghetti emoji.

Wow.

It'll feature a wide array of celebrity guests spaghetti emoji

um yeah so anyway you guys should go i'll go there that'll be great paison con will also will be a celebration of italian heritage and also a january 6th reunion

i was gonna say paison week was the week trump got elected

november 5th or whatever the fuck

what is it november fourth fifth fifth this year it doesn't it changes it's the first week of november it changes it changes remember when you found out easter changes and you're like what Yes.

It's really thrilling.

It's not a Christmas diet.

Yeah.

It's not a Christmas side.

We're just picking and choosing?

Right.

This religion thing, well, there's some holes in it.

What is it about quarter sheets that

for someone who maybe hasn't been, doesn't live in L.A., like, what is it about quarter sheets that makes it such a

must-dine experience?

For me, like, it's like the bread,

it's the best bite of food I've ever had.

Wow, I'm not even joking We're just talking about this place I recently ate there and I was just like it did blow my socks off What's the style of pizza again?

It's there it's it's kind of Detroit.

It's not even Detroit style.

It's it's Sicilian-ish but they they'll do bar pizzas They do a lot of different pizzas Okay, so we're kind of like a thick square slice.

Yes, that's their default truly when you take a bite it and it just hits like it just the crust is perfect.

So it's not necessarily like they're innovating.

It's just like an incredible level of crap.

No, you just get like, yeah, you're just like getting pepperoni pizza.

Right.

It's a bit of a gourmet flair to it.

Yes.

That's my thing.

It's like, it's like,

you remember what was it?

What's the Jewish deli right here that was like kind of it's now Greek mince, but it was was it

wasn't Friedman's?

Friedman's.

It was Friedman's.

Yes.

Oh, yeah.

Friedman's is an elevated deli food, and that's quarter sheets to me is

like just an elevated slice.

And they do different, like they have like a cheese slice and they have like a burrito slice, and then they'll always do a different thing it will be like hey it's kind of Thai inspired or what and oh that's fine all new stuff yeah it's like Wednesdays is you know like Wednesday is bar pie night which is my favorite type of pizza but yeah then they're always trying new shit and their dessert is also like next level

yes yes it's it's it's a husband and wife team that that okay that that own and run the restaurant and and uh Aaron's wife is is she she makes all the desserts dude I've I geeked out when I met him because I was there with my friend who knew him and uh he introduced me to him and I straight up turned into like a 2020 interview.

And I was like, What

called you to pizza?

Yeah, like, and he was like,

I just, I don't know.

And I was like, Yeah, that's a terrible question.

What the fuck am I talking about?

No, I think that's a great question.

I was like, How'd you do it, man?

Yeah, I mean, it's it's it's it's really, really damn good.

Well, because you have to go.

I'll 100% go.

Brooks, but you like lived in New York, so like you've had some great slices, right?

So, my favorite New York slice is called like Latension, okay?

It's in Williamsburg, and uh, that is like the quarter sheets of New York for me.

But like, I would just like pizza.

I think pizza is just like my favorite thing.

And so I'm just always like, is there levels to pizza?

I'm like, not really.

They're all pretty.

To me, it's like either bad or pretty good.

And I love it.

And this is like the first time like Latension and then like Lindestry, Lindestry.

Sorry, La Industry in Williamsburg is the one I love there.

Then I took a bite of that.

I was like, oh, this is different.

And quarter sheets is that for me in Los Angeles.

As someone from Iowa and as a pizza fan, did you ever find yourself at a pizza ranch?

Oh, fuck yeah.

Tell people about Pizza Ranch because my understanding, I've never been.

We were supposed to.

We were supposed to cover it, but it was like the closest one was like in rural Colorado.

So it was a tough one.

You go to Pizza Ranch for the chicken.

Yeah.

Okay.

That is the truth.

The, you know, it's a small town in Iowa.

We got a pizza ranch.

It's like literally the best chicken I've ever like had in my life.

You just go there.

It's a buffet, but you just house that fucking chicken meat.

So this is kind of like akin to a shaky's and they've got like pizza and fried chicken.

Yes.

Yeah.

But like I've never fucked with like Pizza Ranch pizza, but I love pizza ranch chicken a lot.

It's like a post, like a post-church, you go to Pizza Ranch, you know, and then like, you know what, I had this joke the other day that is drawn from the pizza ranch.

Like,

like I would never

have anybody get me a slice of pizza from the buffet.

You go into the buffet, you have, that's a you job.

You care the most for sure.

You're seeing what's new, what's fresh.

You want a piece of pizza and I go up there.

I'm like, yeah, that one's fine.

You know, but if like, it's me, the joke didn't work.

But it's, it was like, it didn't work because it's stupid.

But I was like, it's like wiping your own ass.

Like, you're the only man for this job.

Other buddy, somebody can try.

It's not going to be great.

No, yes.

But, and it was straight up written from Pizza Ranch.

I was thinking about my brother, like, you don't go, you get the best piece of chicken.

It's, you wait for the fresh stuff to come out.

It's a fucking, when they drop that new hot chicken at a pizza ranch in 2001,

goddamn stampede to get up there.

Wow.

People are eye in the buffet.

They're waiting for that new chicken to come out.

Why did we not go?

Was it pandemic?

No, we were going to go for what the fuck was our stupid ass religious.

Oh, yes, October Blessed.

October Blessed, because it does have.

We went to the Scientology brunch instead of

much closer.

My understanding is that

it's a wild throwaway.

My understanding is that because it's cowboy theme, but it also is like Christian, right?

To some degree, or kind of like technically Christian, like in N-N Out Burger.

Maybe, but not, I mean, it's franchised.

I remember a new kid moved to town.

His dad ran the Pizza Ranch, so we were all cool to him because we were like, yeah,

that's awesome.

Yeah, and the guy ruled.

So I don't know if it was Christian.

It could be, but it's so.

I think it's also bad now.

We were talking about how everything is kind of

fallen off.

Sure.

Oh, 100%.

Yes.

I mean, the closest one is Denver, is the other issue.

Is that what you said?

It was like rural Colorado.

Yeah, it was, it was like outside.

Oh, you don't want to take you to fucking rural Colorado.

You're fucking trench coat ass.

Fucking rural Colorado.

I have a, I have a, I have a chain restaurant.

Traumatic for them.

Sorry.

Well, I have a chain restaurant theory that I feel because like whenever I like am homesick, I'll go to Buffalo Wild Wings.

Yeah.

And I was in New York City.

I went to the Buffalo Wild Wings at Atlantic Terminal.

And it was one of the worst experiences of my life.

It was just bad.

They don't care.

But like in small towns that like Buffalo Wild Wings Wings is their best restaurant, they fucking crush it.

100%.

So you have to go to a pizza ranch in like a small town that they take pride in it.

You can't go to like a Denver pizza ranch.

Yes.

You got to go to like a fucking Topeka pizza ranch.

Like you got to really get in there.

Brooks, this is a great theory.

And like we were saying, everything has gotten bad, which will lead us into today's episode, a thing that we've talked about before, but it's the Glendale test for me is everything, everything in Glendale, every fast food chain in Glendale is going to be a better version than what is in LA proper, I guess.

Yeah, but expounding on your theory, it's just far enough outside of L.A.

where

it starts to become like, oh, yeah, we're going to go to the Red Robin.

We're going to go to the BJs.

We're going to go to the IHOPS.

Those are our best options.

Because also there's no fucking quarter sheets there.

Yes, right.

There's better restaurants here.

So those ones, nobody wants to.

The new Buffalo Wild Wings in Chinatown is pretty good, though.

Yeah,

that's a new tip for everybody.

Because we've been to the one, I mean, mean, we've been to a number of them.

The Burbank one is good.

The Burbank one's not bad.

The one on Hollywood Boulevard is kind of a nightmare.

No, it's a nightmare.

I took, I, when, uh, I took, my, like, move when I was like on a dating app a while ago was to be like, you want to go to the Buffalo Wild Wings on Hollywood Boulevard?

And it was a, it's a fun date spot.

Yeah, that's fun.

I like that.

Also, just like, are you a fun person?

Do you want to go into a fun thing?

Yeah, chicken wings and beer.

That's a fun thing.

Dumbest place we can think of.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I love it.

I think that's a great idea.

I don't remember there was a time, it was, it was you and me and Jordan Morris and a few people, and we were at the Buffalo Wild Wings.

And then afterwards, Jordan Morris, just me and Jordan, kept hanging out.

And Jordan was like, other people had to take off.

And Jordan was like, Do you want to just go to like one of these really shitty, like Hollywood Boulevard, the most touristy stretch of Los Angeles?

Do you go to like a really shitty bar that's like, you know, whatever?

The Beetlejuice bar is there.

Exactly.

So we just, we just walked into like one of these shitty bars and we sat down.

And before we ordered

drinks, a guy came over to us and offered us Coke.

Holy hell.

That's service.

Yes, yeah.

Did anyone buy it?

Well,

certainly not me.

I would not do that.

Did the story end there?

Also, we said the B-word once, just a warning, so don't do it too much.

We won't say it too

many times.

I now am like defensive of,

I like those bars on Hollywood.

There are some great classic bars on Hollywood Boulevard, but it's that sort of thing of like, with everything that's gone to shit, everything has gotten worse.

What made us think that everything had gone to shit?

Because we were talking about...

We're talking about like just, we're talking about fucking Wendy's.

Yeah, the general degradation of everything.

I mean, Subway in the fucking 90s was one of the, it was awesome.

Yeah.

It's interesting that you bring that up because we just revisited Subway last week with our, with our friend Tony Sharlene Ramos.

And yeah, that was a pretty, pretty dire experience, I would say.

Did it went to Subway?

And it used to be okay.

It was incredible.

Before Jared did all his stuff,

he was just losing weight.

Yeah.

That's all he was doing.

He was just losing weight at that point.

I remember a tuna sub

in lakewood california in like 1997 was like a completely different caliber of sandwich from what you would get now sure i also so i want to ask you guys this i i have i i have a theory that um

crab sandwich crab salad sandwich people are the most persecuted people in the world wow i love the seafood sensation from subway wow it was discontinued and there's facebook groups about it bring it back we want it back and i just

crab salad sandwiches just it got taken off the bay city subs menu like what are we what did we do yeah to deserve this it's just things have gotten worse and and it's just a cost-cutting measure now it's a like a niche items like i mean subway doesn't

subway doesn't have swiss cheese anymore we were talking about this the other day it's like swiss cheese is gone so crab salad is just not going to make the company just so sad it's it's the the uh the i've i've heard that the phenomenon is described both as as hyper optimization and aesthetic convergence where where they're just sort of looking at it's like how every mid-sized SUV looks the exact same now because they've just sort of done enough research and enough analytics exists where they can say, like, the most optimized way to present this product is to do this.

And a lot of times that involves a lot of streamlining, which removes things that are, you know, people's favorites, people's reasons they go there.

Like, like you might go there for the crab salad sandwich, but they've done a calculation that by not having crab salad, it's we actually will make more money.

Can I go pee?

Yes.

Okay.

Thank you.

I could, I could white knuckle this no no no no please you can't you can't run out of this you can't leave the studio though yeah it's locked

in

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This week we're returning to Wendy's, which was founded in 1969 in Columbus, Ohio by Dave Thomas, of course.

The fifth largest chain restaurant in America has over 7,000 locations worldwide, which places it somewhere in the top 20 globally.

It's hard to get an exact beat on it.

Mitch, this is our fourth canonical review of Wendy's.

And this is the fourth.

It is actually.

It's currently.

I'm a little surprised.

We've talked about it a bunch, though, because it's been a mainstay of

the tournament of champions over the year, including this most recent one over the years.

It is currently in the Golden Plate Club based off of our episode with Jacob Waisaki.

However, it previously was kicked out, Mitch, because of the sloppy boys' Mike Hanford, who gave it one fork.

You know what?

I wish on the podcast we could bring out keenan

bring out keenan

when wages and i are bombing like most of the time

um

and most recently the cinderella story of this year's munch madness 10 where it defeated jersey mike's taco bell and in n-out burger on its way to winning the namesake dave thomas cup jemmy wouldn't come back in the studio she hates the podcast so much

she doesn't like the she doesn't like the blanket that's the whole issue because that's her car blanket that's usually what's in the car get on your car blanket come on come on

Go ahead, good girl.

Wow.

I got a couple things to say.

I want to give a shout out to we were talking about quarter sheets.

Aaron's wife, Hannah, who is a co-owner and runs a restaurant with him.

She makes desserts.

She makes all the desserts, which are fantastic.

There's a princess cake.

This is another part of why it's like an elevated restaurant.

Pizza's so elevated and great, and then the desserts are like fantastic.

So, why?

You say princess cake?

That makes me think of cake.

It makes me think of Super Mario 64.

It does.

Sadly, there won't be a small Mario and princess on it.

I don't don't know if that's a deal breaker for me.

There won't be a JPEG

of a cake.

There won't be a JPEG of a cake.

I'm going to get at the end of Mario 64.

What a great.

It's awesome, Odyssey.

Mario 64 maybe is my favorite.

Is it your favorite game or your favorite Mario?

Maybe my favorite video game of all time.

I think Chuli could be my favorite video game of all time.

That's so good.

And then, I mean, like,

I would love a remaster of it.

I think that would be great.

But Odyssey was the thing where I was like, I'm an adult, and the joy I get from.

Did you ever play Super Mario Odyssey?

No, I didn't.

I know that I'm a 42-year-old man telling you this.

But this, was it the GameCube one?

This is Odyssey is Switch.

Okay, I never had a Switch.

So Switch 2 is coming out.

Switch prices will drop.

And it'll be back.

Or if you want to Switch 2, it will be back.

I just don't.

I like.

I don't like having.

I like video games so much that I don't have a console.

Totally understand.

Honestly, this was, we actually, I just mentioned Jacob Waisaki.

Same thing.

Just get so addicted to video games that he's just like, I can't have this.

I played Astrobot this year, and that's it.

I have not played another video game.

Wait, Astrobot was a last year.

Last year.

I haven't played a single video game this year.

Mitch, that's wild.

I know.

You missed me out on Blue Prince.

I've heard all about it.

You and Zach Cherry, I believe, talked about it.

I'm going to play games this year.

It's going to happen.

But Mario Odyssey brings that joy of playing a Super Mario 64.

And it is, look, you're going to have a couple of weeks packed with, but Mario games, also, I'm not like.

up till four in the morning playing them like some other games Zelda.

Zelda, I was just, you know, like, I'm, this has to be done.

Zelda will Zelda will fuck, will fuck you up bad.

But do yourself a favor and play it at some point.

It is one of the greatest of all times.

Of course.

I will also say 3D World also gives the same sort of experience.

Not in the same way, but because it's a little bit more linear.

I love it.

But Odyssey feels more like Mario 64.

3D World is great.

I love it.

But Odyssey is one of the greatest games of all time, I think, personally.

Do I like World more than Odyssey?

That is a wild fucking take.

I'm going to get so mad at you if so.

You're going to get mad at me for that take?

I love both of them.

This is why I'm going to get mad at you.

I love both of them, but you're being a fucking idiot.

Odyssey is the much better.

If someone was going to say, like, my favorite Mario is Super Mario Galaxy, I'd be like, you know what?

That's a great choice.

God bless you.

Just think of it.

That's fine.

That is a bad choice.

But think of the ending.

If someone says Super Mario World was their favorite Mario, that'd be bad.

Now we're talking.

Super Mario World is good.

Super Mario World is great.

You know what?

Super Mario World might be my favorite Mario.

I might go as far as to say that.

I mean,

Yoshi.

Yoshi is great.

It's really fun to ride Yoshi.

The intro of Yoshi.

Honestly, even if someone said Super Mario World 2, Yoshi's Island,

I would still say, I mean, it's a look.

I don't know if I'd count it as a Mario game specifically, but it is very close.

Yeah, it's tricky because it's kind of the birth of the Yoshi franchise, but it also is canonically Super Mario World 2, Colon, Yoshi's Island.

Brooks is sad that he didn't leave when he went to the game.

No, no, no.

I think Mario 64, for me personally, the reason I think that's my favorite video game of all time is there was a time and a place.

It was like Ninja 64 is like, you know, new.

I got this game.

I remember sitting there and like looking up from Mario where you could look up and then you saw that the like light from the sun.

Oh, yeah.

And I was like straight up.

I was in like fucking fourth grade.

I was like, it'll never be more real than this.

I mean, like truly was blown the fuck away.

It was a magical

level.

It's a magical game.

It's a great.

Great game.

And if you can play Odyssey, it's great.

That's also why I feel like I'll never see a better movie than Gladiator.

Like I was a seventh grade, perfect fucking time to see that movie.

It's just like, there will never be a better movie than Gladiator.

Yeah.

Did you like Gladiator 2?

I put it on into the airplane, like, literally on Wednesday, and I turned it off because it was like, I hate it.

It's fun, but

it's not as prestigious, I guess.

It should, it's honestly a movie that should have, instead of the two, a subtitle.

Like, it was like Gladiator, like birth of a legend or something like that.

It'd be like, kind of, like, give it a little bit more grace, but trying to say, like, this is the second Gladiator, like, man, this is a three out of five

sequel to a five out of five.

Right.

Well, it's like, also, I heard that Russell Crowe wanted to be in Gladiator 2.

They'd be like, no, no, no.

It's like, how would you explain that?

Like, yeah, I died and then I'd just been eaten in heaven a lot.

They get like just his arm is in it.

Yeah.

It's like a really weird, way weird usage of it.

Because you can't, he's dead.

He looks nothing like that.

It wouldn't make any sense, but I do think Gladiator 2 was still fun.

And it is still fun.

It's like really Scott knows how to make it fun.

I mean, I like Ridley Scott.

I love Napoleon.

I love Napoleon 2.

I loved Napoleon.

Napoleon's a bit bigger.

And like, I don't, I just, yeah, I just put on Gladiator and I was like, it's just, it just made me miss.

I was like, I should just be watching Gladiator.

Casey, where do you stand on Gladiator 2, Gladiator, and Napoleon?

I miss Gladiator 2.

Yeah.

Gladiator 1.

Way more fun.

Like, I remember it being like...

My memory of it is like, oh, like a boring historical thing, but it's like action-packed.

It's so good.

It's really fun.

And Napoleon, I had a great time.

Yeah, Napoleon.

I thought everyone has a, it seemed like everyone was having a a real fun time making uh napoleon did anyone watch that it's like a comedy did it it's very funny did anyone watch that four and a half hour cut they put on apple tv because they never watched i loved it and i never actually watched the big the big boy i think that that's maybe the only way that movie would really work because like what worked about what worked about the bob dylan movie i loved the bob dylan movie i genuinely loved it what worked is there was a small part of dylan's life it's like a three-year span that we could do a movie about that you can't do a movie about his whole life it's gonna be two smash books they try to do a movie about napoleon's whole fucking life.

He did a lot of shit.

That's a lot of stuff to try to get in there.

So it just felt like too fast-paced for me.

Whereas they just picked like, hey, here's when he like left Elba and came back or whatever, got off whatever island he was.

His return would be.

I don't know.

I just really like history and I thought that that movie tried to do too much.

It was too expansive.

I still liked it.

But yeah, it's basically a Wikipedia biopic.

It's like age 22 through his death.

It covers such a huge swath of colours.

And they were like, he's a little horny guy he's a little horny guy he's i kind of class i i classify him with the universal monsters wolfman napoleon quasimoto and he did crazy the pole did crazy

yeah he did nuts so stuff yeah the fact that we don't talk about that guy all the time is nuts who is our friend he's like a little snorting he's like in the movie he's like yeah he's like a little pig he like he's like

he's like a little horny noises

who who was our friend mitch we were texting about uh who said napoleon wasn't much of a hat guy?

Was that Susser?

Oh my God.

Yeah, I think it might have been fucking Susser.

It was an insane take.

I was like, he's one of our top hat guys.

He is a huge one.

One of history's biggest hat guys.

I mean, also, okay, this is, you know, how you were uncomfortable earlier?

What I'm about to say, I'm treading on so much uncomfortability.

So just know.

Yeah.

Like, if Hitler wasn't awful.

Yes.

Like, if he didn't do Hitler stuff.

Right.

Okay.

All right.

Pretty impressive.

Almost took over the world.

Right.

Take away

the Hitler stuff.

Yes, yeah.

Almost took over the world.

That's crazy.

Yeah.

I mean, Napoleon was Hitler's stuff.

I'm going to say Hitler's stuff.

Pretty bad.

So pretty bad dig.

So bad.

Sure.

Yes.

Not sure.

God damn it.

The worst.

But like Napoleon did.

Napoleon was Hitler without doing Hitler's stuff.

I mean, sure, he's not a good guy.

Yeah.

But he wasn't doing, you know, he wasn't, I'm sure he was racist too, but like,

certainly he didn't have a, he wasn't doing Hitler's stuff.

So like we get to like see a movie about Napoleon and be like, that's kind of funny.

But like, why did Hitler got to do all the bad stuff?

Because he had a pretty, probably pretty funny guy.

There is something I mean.

Interesting.

And as a history buff, as you, as you are, like, like, there is an interesting guy.

You're doing great.

There is an interesting, like, like, I am fascinated by, by just conquest.

Like, back, like, I feel like there's almost like an era where it's like, well, there's nothing left left to do, so let's just go conquer more territory.

Or like ruling is so boring that let me just take my army and try to expand how much land I have.

I think about this too.

Yeah, it's like I live in California, I don't need to own Wyoming.

Yes, what are they doing?

Right.

Why do they need to own it?

Just let them have it.

I have the quote here.

So

I've looked up this quote.

It's insane.

It's actually more insane than you would think it is.

Okay.

But I agree.

Hitler was bad.

To be clear.

David Phillips said Churchill was a bigger hat guy than Napoleon.

This was Phillips.

And this is, I'm quoting you here.

This is a text that you sent to Blank Doe.

Hold on.

So now I got to find my own, because this was probably in a different way.

And Griff says demented and incorrect.

And you say, thank you, but yes.

You texted just me at one point.

Oh, no, no, you did not.

This is all in the same text thread.

Yeah,

wise, you're very upset about this.

Is Is Napoleon one of history's top hack guys?

Question mark, exclamation point.

I want to be in this group chat.

No, you know, you do not.

You do not want to be in that.

You don't want to be in there.

When things like when it would be, this is like also like around COVID when it was like, oh, we argued about like Napoleon being a hat guy for like 10 hours today.

Anyway,

there's something that came up during, Wags, I'm going to let you look this up because there was something that came up during the break,

which was I'm just seeing Napoleon dynamite in my text because we just did because of the Minecraft.

Search Napoleon hat.

I can't find it.

But also, my iPad.

That's how I got it.

It was a Napoleon hat.

Are you saying your texts are not SEO optimized?

Yeah, I think the thing is, because I have my iCloud set up to auto-delight, delete text messages after like two years to save space.

So I just probably don't have them anymore.

So our video editor, Mike Dorfman, Emma was saying during the break

that he shot some of your camping show.

Yeah.

And that

show is, that show is wild.

This is something, but this is something you didn't bring up when we were talking about camping.

You guys ran into a mountain lion.

Oh, yeah, we did.

Wow.

You ran into a mountain lion during the camping trip.

Yeah, it's on film.

Yeah, I forgot about that.

Yeah, I was scary.

Yeah.

I think the episode's still online if you find it.

It's definitely online.

It's we were in,

we were camping north of Santa Barbara and we were walking and like we, the crazy part about that is we had been we had found a cave that we crawled in before we met the mountain lion.

Whoa

definitely was the mountain lion's house.

Sure, yeah.

Yeah.

And then we were just walking.

Yeah.

Yeah.

It did have like, you know, fan little family photos of the mountain lions and we were like, that's cute.

But yeah, we were walking and then

we walked up on it, dude, and it just, it made like a guttural sound.

It was like, yo, it's like, it went like,

like, girl, girl, girl, girl, girl, girl.

Like, that's what it sounded like and I was like oh shit and then um I was like yo film this film this uh and like everybody was like no

yeah

so they didn't so did you did you actually did you see the mountain lion or no but we like threw rocks and we got big like that's what you're supposed to do but there was audio of it but there wasn't there was audio of it where uh so then we have audio only because everybody ran except for like one guy and I was like dude we got to like you know in my head I'm like this is gonna make this episode great

And then the last audio is you hear the audio guy go, yes, it's fucked up on.

I'm out of here, man.

How big is a mountain lion?

Like, like, is it, we, we talking, we got, we got this little table here.

Big old Labrador.

Okay.

It's like a big dog.

Yeah.

Got it.

Can I say my toxic trait?

Yeah.

Is that I think that I think that I could tame any cat.

Wow.

I know that you kind of believe it too in your head.

Female mountain lions are 80 to 130 pounds.

Yeah.

They're a big dog.

Yeah.

Like three of Jemmy's.

Yeah, that's that's big.

And you're, you're saying like you, you're, this is, because this is.

I know that I will get killed.

I know, don't worry when people get mad at me for saying this.

I know that I would be killed, but I do, there is a little bit inside of me where I think that any cat, I think

to love me.

Really?

There was a documentary about how the guys, the how all the guys who believe this are real good guys.

Tiger King clearly just illustrates that these are good guys, that this is a good trait to have.

I will not capture them and put them in cages.

I'm just saying if I was some, if I got stranded in the, in the African Sahara or something like that, and there was a big lion, I think that I could say, hey,

I'm not a bad guy.

You're a life of pie situation.

You're on a lifeboat with a tiger.

You're saying that tiger would be your friend.

I think I could get the tiger to like me.

I know that that's like a, I know that that is, I know I'm wrong, but I just can't see a cat killing me.

Well, this is, but this is Siegfried's hubris, right?

Like, he just like he was the friend of cats until like at one point things went wrong.

Do you think people in the future will say Siegfried's hubris like some sort of tale?

Yeah, that'll be like a it's it's an actual story of Siegfried's hubris.

The lion ate his head.

That was the Siegfried's hubris.

I do, but I love cats.

So

I've had a bond with

like a, my idea of heaven is if I could go to like a island in the sky with all cat, all the cats of the world.

I can't believe you're saying this right next to Jemmy.

She gets it.

She gets it.

I'm sorry, babe.

That's not my text.

You have cat cafes?

I could go to a heaven every day.

That is true.

I could go to.

I'm just in very,

I want to get buried with every cat that I've had.

I have the act.

Alive or dead?

Put them in there with me.

I will not entomb them, though.

Getting entombed would be kind of cool.

Yeah.

But no,

I very much love cats.

I feel like I have a a spiritual bond to them.

But I know a lion would probably bite.

What are the ones when you're camping?

Mountain lions and then

bobcats.

Bobcats, which bobcats aren't as bad, right?

They're smaller.

I think they'll still bite you.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I don't know.

I didn't know how to handle a mountain lion.

I just got really lucky.

Yeah.

It makes me more scared to go camping with you, to be like, I just got really lucky.

Yeah.

The only thing that scares me is.

You smell fear.

You got to be funny.

Oh, yeah.

Also, I'm most afraid of like, my biggest fear is snakes.

I fucking hate snakes.

Oh, I don't like snakes.

I don't like them at all.

I don't think

Henry Jones.

Ugh.

Indiana Jones.

He's junior.

Henry Jones Jr.

Forgive me.

Pedantic about it.

I want to get the new Indiana Jones game.

There's a new circle?

And the Great Circle.

Yeah.

I heard it was good.

Yeah.

I'm going to get around the planet.

My thing, I'll think about this sometimes just randomly.

I'm like, I wonder what the closest I've ever been to a snake, and I didn't know it.

Oh, shit.

I've seen a snake just hiking in Griffith Park before, like, a wild snake.

Of course, but I mean, like, I wonder if there's like one under the chair right now.

Like, it could get in there.

Well, if we're talking bugs, there's like bugs all around us.

Sure.

We're like surrounded by bugs.

Bugs get me.

Bugs get me worse than snakes.

Like, if I save a snake, if I saw a snake, I'd be like, I don't know.

The venomous snake could kill you.

Sure, yes.

The venom in a snake is scary, but like a cockroach grosses me out more than a snake.

I'd be like, oh, a snake, but I wouldn't care.

Yeah, grosser, but

there's something I get what you're saying about because, like, I'm i'm definitely more afraid of snakes i'd much rather see a tarantula as scary as i think a tarantula is than see a fucking rattlesnake yeah i and also like anybody who's like has a pet snake like fuck you like yeah that's a weird guy so much like and i mean i had a pet snake as good but yeah go on

but then anybody like it's a good snake and we go all that means is you haven't caught it trying to kill you.

Yeah, that's a good one.

It wants to kill you.

Yeah.

He just doesn't hasn't gotten around to it yet.

I like the boa constrictor guy, which is much like the bird guy, like the guy who just likes to walk around with it and show it off in no center of attention.

Put him in jail.

Yeah, exactly.

Go to jail.

I knew a guy who had a big, who had a big, and he was, he was a madman.

He's the guy who had the jar of the stuff.

I've told you this before.

Yes, right.

He's the guy who's the same guy who owned a snake.

I was at a party one time in college, and I just vocally hate snakes.

And my roommate was at a house party.

And

my roommate thought it'd be funny.

They had a snake, like a little boa.

and he came and I was like sitting there drinking a beer like on the couch he put it around my neck uh and I like instinctively like fucking grabbed it and threw it like against the wall and it did die oh my god

and then like I had to be like that's not on me that's not on you

but like I was like you know it's like

I was like, can I like stay, keep hanging out?

Yeah.

Yeah.

The guy was like, no, you killed my fucking pet.

I was like, fucking Steve, put it around my neck.

It's not my.

Oh, man.

It wasn't even.

I wasn't even, it was the other, another guy.

Yeah, I felt, I felt really bad.

I wouldn't even do that with a dog.

Like, I wouldn't take my dog and, like, surprise, put it in somebody's lap.

Especially if that person is like, yo, I hate dogs.

Dogs care me really, really bad.

The equivalent of that, though, of what you're describing is Mitch's, like, I hate dogs.

I pick up your dog, Jemmy, and throw it on you.

Like, that's like, that's on the person who did it.

It was, it's on Steve.

It's on Steve.

Steve was a problem.

And by the way,

just to be clear, I love cats, but to quote Molly Shannon, I love dogs too.

I am a dog.

I'm a dog person.

I'm a dog person as well.

I like all animals.

Look, we got to get to the rest of the world.

We got to talk about Wendy's.

So

here's the thing.

Right now they have the Cajun Crunch.

There's kind of two, three different reasons we're doing.

We're revisiting Wendy's.

I mean, like, there's an overall reason, which is that it won the Dave Thomas Cup.

It won Munch Madness, it won the Terminator of Tournament of Champions of Champions.cock.

And so we're kind of like, you know what?

How is, let's actually check in with Wendy's with a proper review.

And they do have some LTOs right now.

They have the Cajun Crunch spicy chicken sandwich.

They have the tangerine twist lemonade.

And they also have a trio, a triforce of vanilla frosty swirls, which are like their frosties, but they have some other mix-in swirled in.

I will say that the K, I went to, I wanted to experience Wendy's like, you know, in restaurant with these new items

to give it a fair review.

So I went to the Wendy's this past Saturday night.

I got the Cajun Crunch spicy chicken sandwich.

Wow, a Saturday night Wendy's.

Oh, yeah, it was great.

Yeah, eating it in the car or in

the I went in the store.

I like that a lot.

I like in the store.

Yeah.

I got the spicy chicken.

It's going to be better no matter what.

Spicy chicken

filet with a pepperjack cheese, Cajun crispy onions, lettuce pickles, and a spicy mustard spread.

Big easy, big spicy.

A little reference to down in Dubayou.

I thought this was really hitting, except, and I'm curious about your

takes.

Get those Cajun crispy onions the fuck out of here.

I don't need those little crispies.

That's interesting.

I don't like those at all.

It's just, it's now that you describe it as it's dry on dry.

It's just like, I don't need this extra component that is just adding,

you know, just taking away from the overall moisture of it.

And then it's purely adding this crunch of this very processed Cajun crunch.

Yeah, it's a Cajun crunch, but

it's a Cajun crunch, but it is like a, it is, it is a

you know it it's just a a packaged uh crispy snack that i don't i don't feel like is adding anything into the overall experience um

no i didn't like it either i i had to audition the other day they were they go southern i go okay

and they were like no

that's not a new wendy sandwich serve

uh you just how it just made me think but i agreed i didn't i didn't need also by the time i I got it, because we got it here at the studio,

the crispies weren't even crispy.

So now we're soggy crispies.

No, addition by subtraction to get rid of those.

Yep.

I thought the, I thought the mustard was very overwhelming.

It was either the mustard or the Cajun crunchies.

The dryness didn't bother me.

But that, I think it was that mustard was very strong.

Oh, I like that spicy mustard.

I know.

Look, that's what I was saying.

I was like, this, this sandwich has a lot of flavor.

It's, it, like, uh, it delivers on that.

There's, there's a lot of Cajun flavors going on there.

I think that

I just was eating it and I was like, I wish I had a spicy chicken sandwich.

If you like this Cajun mustard, though, you're going to, you'll like the sandwich, I think.

Right.

But it is, it's strong.

It's really, it's almost overpowering to me at least.

Yeah.

Speaking of overpowering, can we talk about this fucking monstrosity?

So the tangerine twist lemonade, which I also is there a piece of tangerine here?

Yeah, you're still, it's just settling, dude.

Oh my God.

Oh, that's not a, I thought that was a piece of tangerine.

It's settling from, it's the most intense drink I've ever had.

Yeah, you've I mean, I had none of it.

And my, it feels like I've had a lot.

Sorry.

For audio listeners, Brooks is holding up this

neon orange drink, which I would say you got with lunch and it is still like nine-tenths full.

Like you barely made a dent in it.

Obviously, some of the ice is melted, but that was basically where my cup was when I abandoned it on Saturday night because it's just so intensely sweet.

It's the most way too sweet.

So fucking nuts.

I drank, I drank half of it, and I was, I was seeing through time.

I, I, I, it was, was, it was like, uh, it is like, it's very, I like sweet.

I'm a sweet, I'm a fan of, especially sweet drinks.

That's like my, you know, that, that's my weakness.

I like it.

I like a sweet drink.

I love a mountain dew.

Sure.

I love mountain dew.

I love like sugary.

I love Coca-Cola.

It's my favorite drink.

I just, this was, and I think that Wendy's lemonades are good.

It just was, I think Emma nailed it.

It's sweet.

on sweet their lemonade is already sweet and then you add a tangerine sweetness into it and it just is it is very very sweet i don't think it tasted bad it just is that thing of like you guys are saying it needs to be cut you want to cut it with water yeah well like for real uh not just like if i'm trying to think the amount of money it would take for me to finish that and i think it's like a hundred bucks

like if you were like here's a hundred dollars if you drink that and you'd have to give me like 20 minutes yeah

i would i would be like fuck all right i'll get i gotta do that but if you were like 50 bucks to drink i'm like get it get away from me no you are you described it as a mixer and i think that was a that was astute because it is like kind of like hey i i'm just if you get a really like a really bad like virgin margarita and you're just getting margarita mix it's like this is so intense that's exactly what it is this is margarita mix yeah that's a hundred percent what this is it's weird because the tangerine and the lemonade it feels like it should be citrusy and like a little more tart but it's not tart at all it's pure sugar yeah way too much too much um i

still didn't hate it personally

i like i like a sweet drink like I didn't think it was, it just is very, very sweet.

I think it just depends on what your palate is.

Like, I think as me, as I've gotten older, like, I just can't deal with, especially you were talking about sweet, I can't deal with like super sweet drinks anymore.

I can't lick, like, that amount of liquid sugar is just overpowering.

Yeah, straight up, like, I, if, like, a whole Mountain Dew will floor me.

Yeah.

You know what I mean?

Like, a full, like, like, which I used to be able to drink seven of them.

No, it's that thing of the, that's like drinking that much sugar as an adult will just, yeah.

I was, I was, I was seeing things, but I saw a young Nicholas Weiger asking, saying he's yelling that he's lost.

And then you help me.

Yeah.

I'm the guy.

I'm the guy here.

It's a looper.

It's sort of a looper.

Oh, my God.

I'm the man who helped you.

Now I have a podcast.

But I will say, speaking of sweet, the vanilla frosty swirls.

Now, look, would I rather have a default frosty?

Brooks said this right off the, he was like, I like a chocolate frosty.

I was like, well, probably,

but I do think these are good executions of the swirl version.

And I think it's a fun, you know, limited time variant.

And I really liked, I thought the brownie butter really worked.

I thought the strawberry vanilla was a little bit, you know,

a little science-y tasting.

I didn't love the strawberry preserves of that, but I thought the caramel was very, was working too.

And the brownie had a little bit of like a, like a granular texture to it, which was nice.

The issue with these, I think that the brownie one was the best.

Yes, for sure.

But I think it cleared all of them easy but the the the strawberry one was okay but the this with all of these they're like putting it around the edge of the cup and then it's like sometimes just settling at the bottom and then they're putting so you kind of have to scrape the side of the cup to get it with your you know it's not mixed in or no you got to scrape that bad boy for sure yeah yeah which i didn't i didn't like you were saying with the brownie one you thought there would be pieces and it is the actual sauce like does give a good approximation of a brownie and it's like kind of grainy and that's what it meant that yeah i like the sauce itself but i i do think a proper mix-in, if we had like chunks of brownie, I thought that would have been a full fork.

They were, to me, boring.

They could have been better.

They were fine, could have been better.

Would you have?

I like the mix.

I want it mixed up.

I like a blizzard.

You know, I like a blizzard.

They are not blizzards.

They're not blizzards.

You know what?

You're right.

Yes.

We both mix up the swirled component, like the brownie battery there, the caramel and the strawberry.

That could be better mixed as opposed to just sort of like, you know, sprayed around the outside of the cup and then filled with a frosty.

But additionally, I think a mix-in for each of these, some brownie pieces for the brownie batter, some maybe some nut clusters or something, or some brittle for the caramel vanilla, and then some, maybe just some strawberries for the strawberry vanilla.

I mean, just something.

Yeah, just add a little bit of texture to it.

Caramel clusters,

yeah.

I think we're trying to create blizzards is what we're doing.

Yes, 100%.

You are correct.

But, but it need, it does, look, they were, I think they're, I'm not going to shit on these because I think me neither.

I thought they were good.

They were like one of the better things, I think, that I had in both.

I had a, I had one of these last night for dinner and today for lunch.

Okay.

But not good.

But

I want it.

So I like you and I are both like, well, we're covering one just.

Well, we both better go twice.

Yeah.

We're going to have to have something to talk about.

Today I did have stuff that I had not had for a while.

And also, I just wanted a spicy chicken sandwich because I didn't get it last night.

Right.

And so I ordered a spicy chicken sandwich as well.

But I tried some things that I haven't had in a long time.

I did get fries in restaurant.

And look, I'm something Wendy's fries skeptic, but getting them hot out of the fryer, they were absolutely hitting in the restaurant.

Wow.

Restaurant Wendy's fries with Wendy's nacho cheese is heaven for me.

Wow.

I fucking love dipping fries in a cheese fry.

Do you have a favorite cheese fry?

Probably that one.

Wow.

Okay.

I'm a big Arby's fries, Arby's cheese sauce plus Arby's curly fries.

I have an aversion to Arby's.

I never go there

one on Sunset has clothes.

Yeah.

Prince Street Pizza.

There was like, I have like, speaking of childhood trauma, Arby's is involved in one of mine where

we were going on a trip to the Wisconsin Dells, my family.

And my dad got this idea:

instead of like eating regular meals, Arby's had five for five roast beef sandwiches.

So we got 50 Arby's roast beef sandwiches for the family to eat.

Oh my God, I love it.

We put them in a blue cooler that like melted.

So it's just wet Arby's.

So we got him in advance of the trip for the drugs.

Got him on the way to the Dells.

He's like, cool, we're eating.

And

there, I was like, I don't, I can't do this.

And And my dad said, you think you're better than roast beef?

And

to turn it all the way around, yeah, my mom was like, Jim, this is fucking nuts.

And my dad was like, fine.

And he gave me and my brother $5 to go to Subway.

He goes, fine, go eat it Subway.

And we got to Subway.

We're like, well, we have $5.

The $5 foot long at one point.

Yeah, no, but it was just, it was a funny move.

So Arby's is my Joshua tree.

Wow.

Did you get the crab, the,

I don't think I could afford it because

you went with the five dollars, yeah, yeah.

And my brother didn't want it, so we had to get something we'd split or something.

Yeah, anyway, so I don't fuck with Arby's.

Yeah, I get that.

I will,

for me, the subway when I was like really trying to eat the cheapest version of it, you don't even get the six-inch, you'd get like the little like hamburger bun.

Yes, the mini or whatever it's called.

I don't know if they have that anymore.

They definitely don't.

But I totally remember that a little four-incher guy.

Yeah, yeah.

Yeah.

Also, even

with a $5 foot-long, five bucks with tax, you're not going to to be able to get any.

You're just not going to be able to get it.

It's taxed.

That's how they get you, Mitch.

The taxes.

The Jared tax.

Like, looking back, my dad was just stressed about money.

I totally get it.

I remember.

He should have spent 50 bucks

on the roast beef sandwiches.

It was good, man.

But like, I remember at the Dells, I got a lemonade and they said, do you want strawberries in it?

And I was like, yeah, I love strawberries in my lemonade.

And my dad's like, Jesus Christ.

These fucking strawberries and the fucking lemonade.

Are you fucking kidding me?

What is this little king?

So I was just stressing him out the whole week, I guess.

I would have saying this, I would have much rather had a strawberry lemonade than this tangerine lemonade, which they have at Wendy's, which is decent, also very sweet.

Dude, the red robin strawberry lemonade?

Oh, yeah.

That's bottomless.

Yeah.

That's good.

Yeah.

We haven't had a red robin in a long time.

Really?

There's no close one either is the issue.

Yeah, we owe a revisit.

It's another chain that's kind of atrophying, and I wonder how its quality level is now.

But, you know, I haven't been in, I haven't been since the last time we reviewed it.

Brooks, would you have enjoyed the Frosties if it was a regular chocolate frosty

toppings?

Way more excited to try the chocolate with those toppings.

We could have done that.

So we fucked up.

No, but like also, but it would have just been more interesting for me than like vanilla ice cream with strawberry swirl.

I'm like, oh, what is chocolate and strawberry?

This is how they're, they are the vanilla frosty swirl.

That's how they come.

But I think it actually,

to your point, I think if they'd made the brownie batter with a default chocolate base, I think that would have been a more interesting version.

They've gotten a little too cute with Frosty's.

Frosty's chocolate is the original, the original Frosty formula is chocolate.

And that's the, to me, that's still the king.

They had the Girl Scout one they were doing for a bit, the

thin mint one.

That was good.

And

they did have a birthday one, which I enjoyed.

But yeah,

I think they're, I agree.

They're getting a little too cute with them.

Today I got the crispy panko fish sandwich, which is something I never order, which is basically their filet of fish sandwich that's also got, you know, dill tartar sauce, pickles, lettuce, American cheese.

So definitely dealing with some wilted lettuce here by the time I ate it.

But I did not see a good piece of lettuce in any sandwich.

We all got bad lettuce, but the, but, you know, that could be a transit issue.

But I will say, this sandwich was hitting.

I thought it was real good.

I took a bite of it.

It's a little fishy, but it was yummy.

It was a little bit, it was a little fishy, but I did think it was a decent sandwich.

And then this, Brooks, you were confused by this because you were like, wait, do I have a fish sandwich?

Well, you were, so I thought we were all got the same thing.

And I was eating, like, I was eating the chicken sandwich.

yeah and then you were like this fish sandwich is good and then I was like am I do I just not understand like is this fish so bad that it tastes like chicken and uh so yeah I was I was a little worried that I was having a stroke for a second

we gave you all we got you our order from our first visit I last night I got the I got the the the Cajun crunch what is it what in the bayou what do you think a Cajun crunch is run over a gator or something what would you what would you consider

crunch right yeah probably what you say when you run over a gator yeah

uh one time i ran it one time one time i rented a uh kayak in the everglades i was by myself and i asked the dude i was like hey i want to do all these things on your own you're scared you're scaring me i i no like i was there shooting a movie and i had a day off and so i was like i want to go to the everglades i love it yeah and any well also stand-up is a real solo thing so i want time off i just leave and go do things as opposed to just sitting in the hotel room but i asked the dude I had the kayak, I was like, Which way to alligators?

He goes, Oh boy, any way you want.

He was so right, and it was so scary.

Wow, I ran in an alligator in the wild.

That was terrifying.

What did you, what happened?

So it was just, I was kayaking around, being like, This is cool.

I'm gonna, I want to see an alligator, and then I saw it when I was like, Oh, awesome.

But then it got in the water and like started coming towards me.

And I'm like in a kayak, so like my body is like in water a little bit.

And I was like, All I did was I said, No, no, no, no, no, no, no, and just

backpedaled.

Just backpedaled the fuck out of there.

That motherfucker wanted to eat you.

I don't know.

I might just come down and inspect.

I guess so.

Yeah.

I don't know.

There is something when an animal is eyeing you up and you know they want their seeing a meal.

I was like, that's a very scary sort of thing.

Yeah, I didn't like it.

Yeah.

Turns out I'm afraid of alligators.

Alligators are scary.

Alligators are scary.

They'll trick you too, bitch.

But anyway, fuck them.

They'll trick you.

He was going to do a Cajun crunch on me.

Nick and I have been fooled by alligators a lot, but it's a long story.

It's a long story.

We don't need to get into it.

You guys like gator bites?

Well.

Well,

sometimes we bite back.

We sometimes bite back without our teeth.

Okay, all right.

I don't know what's happening.

Nick and I have been, Nick and I have been, there's been gators over the, over the years that have tricked Nick and I to thinking they were just human beings.

And we sucked them off.

Right.

And then we find out that that's a good idea.

Finds out it's a gator later.

That happens.

Yep.

That's what happens if you come 10 years into a podcast.

Yeah.

You're 100% right.

We're sorry that, we're sorry the show sucks.

No, no, no.

I mean, like, I'm like, oh, you guys, there's a back and forth that this seems to be stemming for decades.

You were talking about the chicken sandwich, and you mentioned the chicken earlier at Pizza Ranch.

All right, like, is that one of your top proteins?

Is that something you're looking for?

Do you like yourself a fried bird?

Like, what's your favorite protein?

If I'm going to a restaurant, if I'm going to fast food restaurant,

I'm getting chicken sandwich.

I like a chicken sandwich, a crispy chicken sandwich.

What are some of your favorites?

I mean, I don't really love, like,

I fucking love chicken nuggets from McDonald's.

Oh, sure.

Straight up.

McDonald's chicken and nuggets.

Nothing wrong with that.

But if I'm eating at Wendy's, I'm going to get just a regular chicken sandwich.

Yeah.

Mayo and like lettuce and that's it.

Are you a Chick-fil-A guy at all?

I like a Chick-fil-A.

Yeah.

I'll definitely get a Chick-fil-A sandwich.

But yeah, chicken sandwiches in general.

I guess, I don't know.

My favorite one would probably be fucking Wendy's chicken sandwich.

Wow.

Okay.

Yeah.

Do you ever do a spicy sandwich or no?

Oh, yeah.

I like the spicy one.

Like back in the day, remember the Burger Kings Tinder Crisp bacon?

Oh, yeah.

Remember that the commercial?

Oh, yeah, with Hootie.

Yeah.

I love that commercial so much.

Hoove used to sing.

Yeah.

I like the Tinder Crisp Bacon Cheddar range.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

This is by the tune of like Big Rock Candy Mountain.

Yes.

Oh, yeah.

They grow on trees.

It's sad that I know that's it.

No, but it's like stuck in my memory.

I would watch it.

It was like early YouTube, and I was just watching that fucking commercial all the time.

God bless Hootie.

I feel like that one and then the Quiznos, what was the other early YouTube one?

We got the subs.

Yeah, exactly.

We got a pepper bar.

Yeah.

Those little guys.

It is the start of every commercial being some sort of weird and like jokey.

Yeah, too self-aware, too internet conscious.

You know what?

I want to make a stance here.

Let's get the Super Bowl commercials back to funny.

I'm tired of these.

I think it's impossible.

You know what?

Here's what I want.

Give me a sincere commercial.

What?

Give me like a, come on into McDonald's.

Like, we got

a great meal and

price.

In my head, I thought you wanted more like veterans coming home to sell McDonald's.

I mean, look,

I'm not against veterans coming home.

But you know what I mean?

It's like the most like sincere, like Budweiser commercials where it's like saluting the troops.

I'm like, no, give me the frogs, man.

I want the frogs.

Yeah, that is when it's when it's.

The the frogs were, I mean, they were so good.

When it's playing on patriotism, it's a little bit like of an eye roll.

Like, it's like, all right, what are you doing?

But I get what you're saying, Mitch.

That's just sort of like, yeah, like, hey, we got a quality product at a fair price.

Imagine if you come to our, come to our establishment and patronize us.

If McDonald's was like, come on in for some fresh hotcakes.

So there's just a picture of the pancakes.

Wouldn't that make you want to go to McDonald's and eat the hotcakes more?

Wasn't there.

like there wasn't an ads recently from some sort of restaurants like look we

fucked up and we're not doing that that was

dominoes

like 10 years ago at this point, but there was a thing of like I did like that campaign.

I love it also a huge success for dominoes

and so funny

we don't like their new sauce as much No, I mean

Domino's is I wish I could go back and have the old Domino's pizza sometimes the one that tastes like shit, but I but it's it's over but speaking of dominoes They should do that campaign now where they're just like getting letters from us from like this is unacceptable the doughboys want old dominoes.

we're going back to the shitty version that they remember from their childhood everyone's mad at us dominoes closes uh but speaking of wendy's is this old homestyle burger joint to me it was always elevated fast food we talked we did we for sure we just had the tournament it won it was a cinderella store because we thought this place has been getting bad yes but also like You were talking about sincere commercials fucking back in the day, Dave Thomas did sincere Wendy's commercials.

Exactly what we're talking about.

Hey, come on in.

Like, fucking we do fresh, never frozen patties like that is exactly what you're talking about it it fucking ruled it made it feel good fucking timberlake bad ba ba ba it was changed changed everything that little fucker because uh after you think that's the whole problem you think that's the pivot point i mean i think that timberlake happened regardless i mean i don't know if it's timberlake's fault but i'm gonna blame timberlake because

it just got too cool it got too funny all everything got everything got we were talking about the baby back rib commercial and just how oh yeah how great that was and how sincere i mean you've seen that behind the scenes where they're calling calling that it's like we just like i mean that's amazing we were we were just saying that it was like we were saying that it's like watching the beat like the beatles behind the scenes it's it's it's it's incredible and to me things just got too silly and but also not funny like you're saying it's like commercials aren't funny and they're silly and weird and just bad but whatever you know you know i'm sick of in commercials i know this is not a food thing but it's just like Are we just talking about shitting now?

We're just going to straight up just talk about shitting on I'm like watching bachelor's.

And then there's an ad break and There's someone just talking about like, hey, I took a big shit and I need some toilet paper to wipe my asshole.

Like people,

they're basically that explicit now.

And like, there's also, like, on the internet, there's all these like very self-aware, like, like, very, you know,

like, ironically

overt, like self-aware ads that are just about like, you know, bidets and like squatty potties and stuff.

Your butthole.

Yeah, talking about your, like, your hole.

And this thing.

So it's like, I don't need to hear about this.

What are we talking about?

Whatever happened to like some layers of subtle, like, you know, abstraction.

be a little subtle with it.

The come podcast wants polite society to return.

That's what we want.

But it's just like we've got, like, you know, I

remember the era of like, hey, here's a, here's a strip of some sort of absorbent thing, and we're just going to pour a blue liquid onto it.

And like, that's as far as we'll come to acknowledge

stuff from our bodies.

I don't have to see a cartoon bear smile as like a dump is coming out of its ass.

Yeah, exactly.

I don't need, I don't got to see it.

It's like a mom inspecting like a like a kid bear's like ass and he's got like little pieces of toilet paper on.

It's like, I don't know, what do we talk?

It's disgusting.

I don't want to think about what this relationship is.

Yeah, I agree.

You reminded me of my own mom.

Look at my own asshole.

Like Brooks said, wiping your ass is a one-man job.

You're the only man for the job.

Yeah, I agree.

That's fucking good.

Unless you're a little kid and then

you're going to teach you.

And then sometimes you get older.

Sometimes you need a little help.

We hit 35, 36.

The larger point, though, is correct.

And you are correct to cite Dave Thomas of Wendy's, the living mascot of

the chain that he created, as an example of just sincerity in marketing.

Because as nothing's been the same, except, look, I'm not going to say that I've had great Wendy's in the last 20 years or whatever, but since Dave Thomas died, there was a change.

And also the Domino's thing that you brought up, too, is like...

We were thinking Wendy's has gotten bad.

And then we had a run on

this tournament where we had great spicy chicken sandwiches.

They were really knocking out of the park.

Today, amelia said that if this was the performance in the finals wendy's would not have won and you maybe are right i don't know it's uh

what did it go up against in and out burger was there ever a scenario where you were going to vote for in and out burger over wendy's i just don't think you would i don't know if it was today's lettuce was really bad i'm sure that you have massive takes that you've done consistently on this podcast but you don't like in and out no i do like it mitch just doesn't want to vote for it because i like it i love it yeah that's my favorite fact.

I was shocked that you voted for it in the finals, but Wendy's was not.

Yeah, Wendy's deserved it.

Today, last night, I got the Cajun Crunch sandwich

and I got some medium fries.

The fries were just okay, wise.

They were warm, but I don't like the new Wendy's fries.

I like the old golden yellow fries from Wendy's.

I got a grilled chicken ranch wrap last night, too.

Oh, wow.

And this is the sort of item back in the day where you're like, oh, this is like good grilled chicken.

And there's, you know, like cheese and lettuce and ranch sauce in there and last night it just was not i didn't eat all of it but it was like this is just doesn't feel like the same quality and i got the lemonade and i got the brownie frosty which i liked the brownie frosty today

i did some stuff i hadn't done before i did the apple pecan uh salad which comes with apples pecans and and uh grilled chicken

And this is like Wendy's salads used to be a thing my mom would get for lunch.

And they were like, it's like, whoa, Wendy's has good salads.

Like they had seeds.

Certainly compared to McDonald's, Burger King, Carl's Jr.

Hardee's, the other had like same similar concepts in its sector.

Yes.

They were, they were, they were, they were a better caliber salad.

It's more akin to a Panera salad.

100%.

And the presentation now has gotten worse.

It's just in a big, clear bowl.

It used to feel like more presentation, like, you know, there was more of a presentation.

It kind of looks like a pre-packaged salad you'd get at like the airport.

100%.

It does, and I bet it is.

I bet fundamentally those are being delivered to the restaurant as is.

And it felt like maybe they used to make them, and I'm not sure if that's the truth.

Maybe they didn't, but it felt that way.

And it felt like you get like warm chicken.

Here it was just like the chicken was kind of cold.

That being said, I had a bite of it.

I thought it wasn't bad.

You tried it.

What did you think?

It was whatever.

It was like Emma said.

It was like a grocery store salad.

It was a grocery store salad.

It used to feel like Wendy's had more than that.

And I also got a baked potato.

The chili, the cheddar chili baked potato had cheese and chili on a baked potato.

Yeah.

Pretty good.

It was pretty good.

I mean, I was trying to try old.

It tasted like a baked potato.

Like it was not, it wasn't.

I had to buy it and I'm like, oh, I don't know.

But I was like, but this wouldn't be good at home either.

Like, I don't love a

sure.

It was good.

I, I,

he loves it.

He's,

I more, I get what you're saying.

It is just a, a russet baked potato, but I like that you can get a baked potato at Wendy's.

I like that too.

That's interesting.

And I fear, and I got, I got the chili today.

My chili was great.

I fear that it is the kind of thing that could happen if, you know, Wendy's is acquired by, as it was at a certain point,

but is now like its own thing again.

But if Wendy's is acquired by one of these private equity firms,

one of these hedge funds, and they're going to be like, hey, we're going to streamline your menu for profitability.

I worry about baked potato and chili being casualties because I like that they have them, even if they're just like replacement level.

It's just like that they can get this instead of fries is great.

They're first to go for sure.

Yeah, 100%.

That's going to be very sad because the thing, this is the issue.

My issue with Wendy's in the last few years just seems like any sort of fast food restaurant.

I know that different parts of the country, it's like nationally,

like people in floor are like, Wendy's sucks.

But for me, it was always elevated.

And it was that idea of the bizano, bisano week and more.

You know, the little spaghetti emoji, but you can put it right here, the little spaghetti emoji.

Yeah.

Which, what a surprise.

The and more at the Baisano Festival is fucking spaghetti.

What a professional podcaster you are with this callback.

What a pull.

Like, this is where I'm like, that's why they pay him the big.

He's making it all together.

Fucking Bill Simmons of Food World over here.

He's really impressive.

You take that back.

We were making fun of Bill Simmons before this started.

And he does it.

Look, I listen to the Bill Simmons podcast quite a bit.

He's a pro.

You can't stop listening.

But the and more is the thing about Wendy.

It's not just your classic hamburger stand.

You have the chili, the baked potato.

There used to be a there used to be a little salad buffet there.

Yes.

It's all this stuff that adds up.

And the quality of that on this visit has gone down.

That is it's undeniable where I thought you were headed with the the mention of spaghetti is to stake and shake a concept that we've revisited a number of times in the podcast and stake and shake a place where its unique qualities have been completely excised and that's because of one man sardar biglari who has acquired the chain and kind of shaped in its own image had dreams of global expansion that have been scaled back to national expansion and that as part of doing that he got rid of items like spaghetti that were a staple of their menu well did you guys ever

the the restaurant that i thought would take over the world that then like stumbled was fazolis have you ever fucked with fazoli we have bad fazolis we reviewed fazolis on the on the podcast i loved fazolis did we do that with me much we did it's just all imploded yeah we were the fazolis at the at the phoenix airport though that's exciting for me okay i had never had it mitra loved it growing up she she liked yeah midwest yeah yeah yeah yeah ohio iowa yeah they showed up perfect time for me and mitra where We were like, you know, in high school, and you're just like, fast food spaghetti?

I know.

I love the idea.

We had, we had a good, we had a, we had a blast there.

What did what did we, we didn't we record some sort of announcement there too?

I forget what it was.

Oh, fuck.

We just recorded in the fazolis.

I forget what we recorded.

I snuck Fazolis into a movie theater one time and realized you're not supposed to eat spaghetti in the dark.

Was a fucking bloodbath.

That is, that is

just so much spaghetti all over me.

There's, there are certain fast food things you can't eat.

No,

yes, that just does not work.

Fazzolis has a panel at Hall H at a PaisanoCon, actually.

Again, I'm just surrounded by pros.

We're having fun.

Like, like, bring out Robert Donnie George, they bring out Chef Boy RD.

He's wearing a Dr.

Doom mask.

Yeah, the fucking ball.

Fucking Italian.

Yeah.

I love Fazoli's, but driving or being in a car or whatever, or being in a movie or whatever, like

there's some that I like as fast food, but you got to go somewhere and eat it.

1,000%.

Yeah.

And that's Fazoli's is not one of them Wendy's kind of is one of them, but all of this stuff that elevates Wendy's not great on this visit for me, Weiss.

And also, overall, the visit was not great in general.

We should get to our fork scores.

So, Brooks said this.

So, we'll each go around, we'll give a closing argument, if you will, and give it a score from zero to five forks.

I'll just start things off because I agree that the LTOs were a little bit underwhelming.

I did not like the tangerine trist lemonade at all.

I thought the frosty swirls were fun, but yes, I think a default Frosty is better.

They're perhaps a little unka pachka.

The Cajun Crunch spicy chicken sandwich, again, just does not need those crispy onions.

And I'd rather just have their spicy chicken sandwich, but

I really just have such fondness for Wendy's.

I know.

And I do like the totality of their menu.

And I do feel like when I go to a Wendy's or when I get a Wendy's and I'm just eating it when it's supposed to be eaten, there's not like a 25-minute gap before I start having my meal.

Then it's hidden for me.

And

it hit for me all throughout the tournament.

I don't see a reason for me to go below the four-fork threshold.

Now, the question is, does it get all the way up to five?

And I don't think that it does.

I think it's, I think it's fallen off a little bit.

And I also feel like they're, like you were saying, Mitch, they're getting a little too cute with the stuff that they're trying.

But I think on balance, I think this place deserves, for me, four forks and two tines.

That's where I think Wendy's lands.

So, Brooks, four and a half forks.

Four and a half forks.

Brooks, your thoughts, your closing argument, if you will, and then a score from zero to five forks.

Right.

Well,

I like Wendy's.

So we picked a place that I I do like in my hierarchy of if I'm going to go to a fast food, like there's tears, you know, in and out always.

For sure.

Chick-fil-A is different.

But you have your Wendy's, you have your McDonald's, Burger King, that situation.

And I do like going to Wendy's.

This chicken sandwich I had wasn't particularly great.

The drink was undrinkable.

Yes.

I will say that the drink was undrinkable.

But I, out of love and respect for Dave Thomas, I'll give it three out of five.

Three forks.

Three forks.

Good score.

What do you think, Mitch?

And you had a bad, you had a bad Wendy's outing.

It was not good.

Because the food today was not great.

I also, I love this jacket.

I want to give a shout out for this one.

It's a great jacket.

It's Carhartt.

Which Amelia and I thought it was Cornell.

It looks very color, same colors, but it's a very nice, very nice jacket.

Casey's also got a nice jacket, or is that a shirt?

Just a denim shirt.

It looks cool.

Nice shrub.

What's the patch?

Oh, I got it on eBay.

It's like some gas, like gas station shirt.

Love that.

Cool.

You can can use a shirt for a jacket.

This is Tim Robinson.

Wore this on Detroiters, and I was at his house, and I was like, I really like that jacket you wore on Detroiters.

And he was like, You can have it because he's got like a rule.

If he wore something on TV, he won't wear it out or something.

I was like, I'll take that jacket.

Oh, wow.

That rules.

Yeah.

I want to get the hot dog suit.

He used to wear it out until he did the sketch.

That is

good.

I wanted to say this quickly.

I got to go back on a couple things here.

Mario 1, Mario 3, Super Mario World, Mario 64, and Odyssey can be your answers for best Marios.

That's, I think, that's it.

Yeah, for me, that's it.

You don't think Galaxy can be on there?

No, sorry, guys.

I think if someone says Super Mario Galaxy is their favorite Mario, I think that's totally valid.

And Super Mario 3D World, same thing.

3D Land, I get a little bit.

Any of the Super Mario lands, any of the mobile ones, I'm a little bit like, I don't know.

They handle it.

You can't really tell people what they can choose, obviously.

Obviously, people's preferences are what they are, and everyone is allowed to have their own taste.

Yes, obviously, you can't say to someone else what their reality is.

You have to take this to Pisano Khan

and find out what real Italian is.

They'll be mad.

We're not talking about chicken parm sandwiches.

It was Amari.

He was an Italian man.

Oh, that's right.

That's right.

Yes.

Yeah.

Yeah, actually, you're right.

He's a star.

I was thinking of Wendy's.

Mitch, what the fuck are you doing?

It's not as bad as fucking confusing a jacket for a shirt, you fucking idiot.

Now this is the part of the podcast you'll see where we're really bad.

I think any Mario, I think the mainline Marios are so good.

They're kind of like, and I'm realizing this is now sounding like an old guy thing, they're kind of like Beatles albums, where it's just like they're like...

Any Beatles album, if someone wants to say like, hey, I just like Magical Mystery Tour, I'm like, you know what?

Hey, that's a great album.

You know what I mean?

I think Pizzano Khan will be,

if you brought Mario Luigi, they'd start going off about Leguazamo being Luigi in a Mario movie.

Not even Italian.

That wasn't right.

It wasn't right.

That is

true.

It's true.

They're okay with Brad.

Well, that's different.

Wait, why?

Why?

Why is that different?

I'm not going to get into it.

I think that Dave Thomas was the heart and soul of Wendy's.

I love Wendy's.

Why is like, you, it's hard for me to go.

It's going to be hard for me to go below five forks, even, but I'm going to, I'm going to go, but I am going to go below five forks.

But

the CEOs of Wendy's, they've changed stuff.

The world is changing.

I get it.

Things change.

You have to, you have to change with the times, but I don't like a lot of the changes that they've made.

And I wish that they would go back to that classic hamburger stand.

I'm also just, I was saying this before we started, but I'm sick of CEOs in general.

Like, we got to know who Dana White is.

Like, why the fuck do I got to know who this fucking bald dickhead is?

Why, why, why do CEOs, why do CEOs have to be famous too?

Like, I don't, you already make billions of dollars.

Now you have to be a celebrity.

Well, we liked Dave Thomas, right?

We loved Dave Thomas, but he was in the commercials.

And that's how.

He was a spokesman.

Yes, and he was sincere.

And he was like,

so many other people, like, Dave Thomas to me wasn't trying to be a celebrity.

No, Dave Thomas was like, hey, trust me, I run a great business.

Yes.

I respect that.

And that's so, so many people now, like Big Larry and all these people,

they have this like sweatiness of trying to be fucking zuckerberg all these people i'm like i like you're pieces of shit i don't want to see you and i don't want like you know what i mean like dave thomas seemed like an earnest yes yeah good person that like cared about the quality of also he was the mascot that's true yeah yeah and also look was he trying to make money yes he was but there was connection with that where i'm like this is a quality restaurant you could taste it when you went there i mean straight like wendy's a good old wendy's brick you know brick outside you go inside like brick on the floor you smell it, you know, like that old Wendy's, like it was like fucking, you know, actual legitimate like

meat being cooked.

For sure.

Awesome.

That like, it's, it just felt good and wholesome.

The terrarium, I always call it terrarium, which is not.

Someone's corrected me on this every time, but the big bubble glass thing where you could eat under and solarium, which was sort of a greenhouse feel.

Yeah.

Yes.

And it was just there.

I loved that place.

It felt like a quality place.

And now you go into Wendy's, it's like, I don't like the new modern look of it.

They're very slick, they feel like a apple store-ish or something, but I still do think the food is very good.

The Cajun crunch chicken sandwich, if you like that sauce, you're going to have a good time, but it depends on whether you get good veggies.

Today, we didn't get good veggies.

I'm going to go for the visit today.

Honestly, the visit today was like three and a half, three, but I'm going to give Wendy's four and a half forks overall because I know and I love it.

So, I can't go.

I give it a bump for knowing and loving it too.

Yeah, I straight up mine.

My food was bad.

Your food was bad.

Yeah, that's a bummer.

I will say, going back to your talking about the, you know, Dave Thomas is, and, and us having to know who all these CEOs are and all of them having some sort of social media presence or being a part of ad campaigns or whatever, another, to go back to the Hitler comparison, another guy who,

the spirit of it.

Yeah, let's, let's, we got to get back to that.

The spirit of it.

I really, we got to stress, I said, if he wasn't doing Hitler's stuff.

Yeah, that's what I was saying.

The spirit of it, I, what I get is Papa John's was kind of that, right?

Like, like Papa John Schnarter ended up being a complete piece of shit.

Dude, I used to work at Papa John's.

I have

to thank your service.

Dude, I have a Papa John story.

Tell us, please.

I work at Papa John's.

I fucking love Papa John's.

I still love Papa John's.

I would have been 16.

I go to school the next day, worked.

It was one of those situations, too, where like we slowly had all our friends working there.

So it was just a fun hang at work.

It was so fun.

You go to work, you hang out with your three best friends, you make pizza all day.

It's fucking awesome.

I bet you were a pretty good employee am i i loved papa john yeah i did i did demand a raise or i would quit and they go that's fine you're out of here

because i found out my friend was making 535 an hour i was making 525 i was like i want to make at least as much as brian yes yes

but um

went to school one day my friends are there they're buzzing they go dude

he came in

this isn't debuke i go Who?

What are you talking about?

They're like, Papa fucking John.

Oh my God.

And he just swung through the store, just swung through to say hi.

And like, we all got photos with him.

And I was fucking crushed.

Yeah.

I was like, call me.

Yeah.

I'm at home.

I'll come in.

I want to, I never got to meet him.

And they're like, so yeah, then, you know, he's now in hindsight, a good thing.

Good, sure.

He did the Hitler stuff.

We noticed we don't like that.

But it's before I knew about that.

Yeah.

You know, it's like, Mike Lawrence has this other incredible story that

I think it's Mike Lawrence.

Speaking of disgraced mascots, fucking Jared from Subway.

Yeah.

On 9-11, September 11th, 2001, he was

Jared from Subway was going around doing, he was doing like his inspirational story about his pants.

Did it

the events of 9-11 happened?

And he still was like, all right, well, here are my pants.

Like, gave up school assembly being like, you too can lose weight like me.

And they're like, fucking what?

Didn't acknowledge acknowledge you.

That's my favorite 9-11 story.

That's awesome.

Yeah, sorry.

I'm so sorry.

I cut you.

No, you didn't.

I wish we had those

pants protecting the Twin Towers.

September 11th.

We're the children that he was after.

What I was just going to say is, and for some reason, this image is on the Christian Science Monitor, but the

microcosm of the whole Wendy's thing is the logo is old and new.

Yes, that's like exactly what we're talking about.

The Wendy's old-time hamburgers, old-fashioned hamburgers logo is so great.

And they changed that for this one that's just kind of this kind of boring, like italicized.

A pseudo-Comic Sans font.

You know, I'm pro-sexy, Wendy.

Give me the sexiest Wendy you got.

No, but that's not

clip art.

It really does.

It's just kind of half-assed.

And they've stuck with this branding.

And I'm just like, I don't know, bring back the old Wendy's.

Maybe that was worse.

I was just guessing that they took hamburgers out of the logo entirely.

And they were like, well, burgers aren't really our thing.

Like, the old logo is very like burger.

We've seen that with brands, though, repeatedly, like, like Kentucky Fried Chicken, part of the, put the herb of legend aside, part of why they did that was because to take chicken out of their branding and make it KFC.

We certainly saw it with Dunkin'.

It's not Dunkin' Donuts anymore.

It's just Dunkin' Dunkin'.

And it's just like, I don't know.

We like that.

This is, we like what the totality of it.

We like that the brand has both parts of it.

This is the thing that we can all, we all know working in this industry is that like 95% of the people who are in charge of stuff or like, you know, creative executives or whatever are like the dumbest people in the world.

They're so fucking bad.

They're so fucking dumb.

And if you think like, it's so funny when you see people be like.

Actors and stuff are paid too much or whatever.

And you're like, sure, okay, whatever.

The highest paid actors paid too much money.

But when you look at the side of like executives and the creative executives who get paid way too much money.

They come in and be like, let's get rid of hamburgers.

Yes.

And they're some of the dumbest people in the world.

They're like, here's $60 million.

And there's some who are great.

And there's some who listen to the podcast.

There's a lot of great people in the world.

I think you can safely paint with a broad brush if you're talking about executives.

One of the smartest, I just found this out.

Executive pivots for the last second has to do with Fast and Furious.

Because you know, the original title, the working title, was Race War.

Yeah.

It was

going to be called Race War.

And you're not getting 10 of those.

You know, you know, who will be a fan of that?

Papa John,

very, very bad title.

And I only know that because I live right next to the Fast and Furious gas station in Echo Park.

And

that's not, it is a nice place where I live.

It sounds like a really bad place.

I live next to the Fast and Furious gas station, but they have

license plates in there that you can buy.

People come and take photos because the exterior thing that says like Toreto or

Dom.

And then there's a license plate that you can buy that says Race War.

They have those.

They sell them at the

market, Bob's market.

Yeah.

So would Fast X be Race X?

What would it be?

Imagine buying a license plate that says Race War.

Yeah.

Somebody's doing it.

I think you're correct that it's just not a franchise if it's called Race War.

That's a one-off.

It's like if our podcast was called Side of Guys, which would be almost a world.

That was an alternate title.

Yeah.

We're on the side of guys.

Wow.

Side of guys is not in season 10.

What a sliding doors, or to bring back to Bill Simmons, what a sliding doors moment for the podcast.

What if we'd chosen side of guys, our second option over Doughboys?

Yeah.

Should we call this season of Doughboys Dough X or DX or something?

I think we should do something fun like that.

I never really looked at our show as seasons, but yeah, let's do it.

DX.

Is that cool?

I mean, isn't it almost done or is the next one going to be?

DX is super cool.

It was always cool when it was DX, the wrestling faction.

The wrestling faction.

We're both, we we didn't even get into wrestling, but I'm a big.

But I'm like, yeah, DX is really rad.

Yeah, DX is really rad.

We know that.

Yeah, yeah.

DX is the cool.

Wise, were you a DX guy when you were younger?

Oh, you were a DX.

I was a WCW guy.

Yeah.

Really?

I like Monday Night.

I mean,

I love the NWO, but man, did I switch hard to DX?

Man, those guys were so funny to me.

They were very funny.

They're good.

They're some of our best entertainers.

I say Stone, I've said this many times, but Stone Cold Steve Auction is Stone Cold Steve Austin.

Stone Cold Steve Auction.

Stone Cold Steve Austin is one of the top 10 fictional characters of all time.

I love him so much.

I was just with Carl Hess.

We were in like San Francisco.

We were driving back from doing shows and we were bored.

We ran out of music or things to talk about.

And I was like, do you want to listen to the Undertaker interview Donald Trump?

Because he did.

Yeah.

And we put it on and it was so fucking boring.

It was straight up so fun.

I was like, these are two psychos.

This is going to be interesting.

But Trump was just fascinated with how big he was.

He's like, you're a big guy.

That's crazy.

You're a big guy.

And so then like, we got bored with Undertaker versus Trump.

And we switch, we went to Stone Cold's podcast.

Fucking pro.

It was awesome.

He's the, he's, he is a, he's a pro.

He's a pro.

He was so good.

He's a podcast.

Yeah.

He's a Simmons would be proud of Stone Cold.

I fucking love Stone Cold Steve Austin.

You know what?

I got to say this.

Trump, he wouldn't be so bad if not for all the Trump stuff.

For real?

Yeah.

He's funny.

And he wasn't doing his shit.

He's really funny.

With all the Trump stuff,

he wouldn't be so bad.

I mean, the dude is hilarious, man.

He's unfortunately, he is unfortunately can say stuff that's insane and make you laugh laugh.

When he got in the Tesla and he goes, everything's computer.

Yes, that's like something

a baby would say.

Yeah.

He's a president.

That's baby talk.

He says, everything's a computer.

It's all computers.

Not everything's computer.

Everything's computer.

We went crazy.

Our text chain went wild over there.

It's so funny.

It's so funny.

That's so funny if he's not president.

Yeah, yeah.

If he's not president, it's so funny.

Or even if he is president and he's just doing different stuff.

You know what I mean?

Like, there's like there is a world where, but yeah, you're absolutely right.

Unfortunately, the Trump stuff is such a big part of it.

Yeah, yeah.

Yeah.

The Trump stuff is kind of inherent to being Trump.

Did you watch that Trump movie, the good one?

It was the Jumpstart.

Oh, yeah, the apprentice was awesome.

My favorite movie of the year.

I feel the same way.

I loved it.

I loved it.

Yeah,

I go in and I'm like, like, oh, I don't know if I want more Trump stuff right now.

I watch it.

I was like, oh, fuck, it's fucking good.

I think Stan should have won.

I think he should have won Best Actor.

I think it was great.

You like him for Apprentice.

I think his Predator performance was in a different movie.

I loved him in a different man, too.

Those are my two favorite movies.

Did you see a different man?

I haven't yet.

You love it.

It's great.

Yeah.

Two great movies.

I also think the dude, Jeremy Strong, crushed it as Roy.

Oh, she was so good.

Good movie.

Yeah.

And Maria Bekalova, right?

Who plays the Ivanka or Ivana.

Wait, I do have to bring something up, though, because there is an aesthetic shift in that movie.

So it goes from being shot on, or actually from having a look of like 16 millimeter film to having a look of like VHS.

Casey told me that was all in post.

They didn't actually shoot that on video.

Oh, wow.

Yeah,

I also loved The Apprentice.

And watching it, I was like looking at it like,

is this actually video or did they do it in post?

And I found like an interview with the cinematographer and they're like, we wanted to shoot it on the old like broadcast cameras from the day, but we decided to fake it.

They did a good job.

I mean, like,

of course, you'd rather it be that way, but they did do a good job.

It's a great movie.

Hey, that was our review of Wendy's.

It's time for a segment.

Emma, hit the music.

What?

I'm Nick Weiger.

I'm Nick Weiger.

I'm Nick Weiger.

And I'm Nick Weiger.

All this and Andy Rooney tonight on fake choose.

All right.

This is fake choose.

It's compiled by Amelia.

Mitch and Brooks must determine if the brand names follow.

I give Brooks credit for not saying anything.

Or fake choose.

Just staring there and being like, okay.

The options are new age food brand or tech startup.

So I will read the name of a brand.

Is this a new age food or is this a tech company?

Okay.

All right.

First up,

Kashi.

Do we have to read it?

Yeah, I'm buzzing with your name.

Brooks.

Isn't that food?

That's food.

Yeah, that is food.

We both knew it.

All right, good.

So that'll be the warm-up.

That'll be our tutorial.

Cashi was easy.

Oh, because I got it right?

No, because you both buzzed in and I wasn't clear on the rules.

So we.

That's not a warm-up.

I got a point.

All right, you get a point.

All right, Brooks gets a point.

Point goes to the guest.

All right, great.

Next up, Weida Bix.

Buzz in with your name.

Whoever goes first gets to guess.

Yes, that's also food.

Mitch, you are correct.

Weed a Bix is a food.

Next up,

Weo.

Brooks.

I just got, but that's a startup.

No, I'm sorry.

Weo is a food.

They make keto-friendly meals and snacks.

Wait, is it

they make?

That's a company then?

No, no, it's a brand of food.

Yeah, but that's a company.

That's not a food.

Then these are all Kashi's a company then.

Tech startup, I think, is wait.

Are they fake?

No, your options are, I'm not sure why this is fake shoes, but your options are

New Age food brand or tech startup.

So you're either or.

So you guess

is it a new age food brand or is it a tech startup?

I thought there was all that stuff, like Sasquani.

I guess

in your head, Amelia, was the fake that it's not a food brand?

I don't know.

Okay.

Slop quiz.

Slop quiz.

Okay, so this is slop quiz.

All right, so take a quick.

She had to make this shit.

She's tired.

We've thrown too much at her this last week.

So I guess take on the 60 minutes intro.

This will be slop quiz.

Okay.

I'm leaving it in.

Okay, great.

Next up, so you're guessing food company or tech company?

Uh, you both have a point.

Okay,

Citrix,

Brooks.

Uh, that sounds like a food company.

I'm sorry, Citrix is a remote office software.

I was gonna say food because it sounds like Citrus.

No, it's a good job on the

like, yeah.

Next up, Crunch Base, Mitch.

I think that is a tech startup.

I think it's a trick one.

Mitch, you are correct.

Crunch base is an apt to see

an apt to see how well other startups are doing.

It's only two to one.

So it's

a tech company that's a tech company that analyzes other startups.

Right?

That's what it is?

Yeah.

Great.

Next up.

Jemmy's leaving.

Zevia.

Oh, wait.

Oh, I'm Mitch.

That is a food.

It's like a fake sugary.

It is a sugar-free soda.

You are correct.

Stevia-based based soda next up ono

brooks uh

let's start it up ono is a food company ono makes overnight oats

it's three to one mitch has three brooks has one

thank god we count it the warm-up

number eight honey mitch well hold on now it's clear it is a food

but also it is it's both it could be spelt differently H-U-N-N-Y, maybe.

I'm not going to give it to you, Mitch.

Honey is not a company unless it's a tech company, which is a coupon-finding browser extension.

We've actually done ads for honey in the future.

We've done ads for honey.

How can I forget?

20% off.

Familiar Doe.

Amelia, do you know how to say this next one?

Good.

I'm going to say it and I'm going to spell it.

Okay, great.

Nature's Find.

Find, spell F-Y-N-D.

Nature's Find.

Buzz in with your name.

Brooks.

That's

food.

You are correct.

Nature's Find is meatless breakfast patties.

It's anyone's game.

Mitch has three.

Brooks has two.

Okay, we got a couple more here.

Taking notes.

Joy.

Mitch.

I'm keeping score.

Jesus.

Mitch.

Do you want me to keep score because you want to win?

I do not want to win.

Yes, you do.

I don't.

Joy.

Mitch, food.

Mitch, you are correct.

It is a food.

It is a plant-based milk and creamer.

All right, last one.

So the game's over.

The game's over, but we can do this one for fun.

Don't.

All right, we'll leave this.

No, no, no.

We want to hear it.

We want to hear it.

We want to hear it.

We want to hear it.

We're sorry.

Buy Humankind.

Brooks,

food.

No, Buy Humankind is a tech company, a sustainable home and personal goods startup.

Mitch wins by a score of four to two.

All right.

This edition of Slop Quiz.

Hey, just like a restaurant value feedback, let's.

Brooks was having such a great time.

That's a good quiz.

Fumbled it right at the.

No, it's a great quiz.

Just like a restaurant value feedback, let's up with the feedback.

Hey, we have an audio clip today.

Wow.

Hey, dude, boys.

This is Garrett in New Jersey.

Growing up, my dad always had a conspiracy theory about Wendy's, that it was an implicitly anti-children fast food chain.

No great toys, no special kids' meals.

And that was one of the reasons why it was such a success.

My question for you is: do you have any particular conspiracy theories, unfounded thoughts on any other fast food chains business models?

Thanks.

We got a lot of conspiracy theories.

Wendy's is an anti-children fast food chain.

I never thought of it that way.

That makes great sense.

I felt, I did feel more adult.

Go

ahead as a kid, though.

And that, but that worked, like when you're a kid and you would go to Wendy's, you're like, oh, this is like quality.

You should be a good one.

This is the nice one.

Yes.

This is the nice one.

Yeah.

Yeah.

We have, look, we have a lot of food conspiracies.

A lot of it has to do with Comet Ping Pong.

Um,

but, um,

uh, as far as fast food chain conspiracies, hmm, yeah, this is a this is a this is a little bit of a tough one because I don't, I'm trying to think if I have anything I actually believe or more just ones that I've heard.

I mean, I mentioned KFC earlier.

The big thing they said with KFC is like they have to call it KFC.

This is when I remember from school

because

they they don't technically technically serve chicken anymore.

They serve a genetically engineered, you know, abomination that's got like six legs and six wings so they could maximize the amount of protein they're getting per bird, which is complete bullshit.

I think, I think a thing that we've talked about before is like...

like we've we've mentioned this and then it just did turn out to be true where it was like mcdonald's coke is better and then like early on hearing like oh it is it actually is a better thing and then it did turn out to be true

that uses metal canisters yeah they they so that's true but but i i i one thing i do honestly believe, and I think it's just part of their business, these places' business plans now, and obviously see it the most with yum brands, with Taco Bell Pizza Hut

and KFC, which I just mentioned, is the artificial scarcity.

That's a thing that they've written late, like, like, hey, we're taking this thing away.

Sorry, you can't have it anymore.

Hey, it's back.

They're using that almost

buying the McRib model.

Writ large, yeah.

Which they got rid of, like, they got rid of nacho cheese, like Doritos, locos, tacos, or whatever.

It's like, why?

It doesn't make sense to get.

I'm sorry, they got rid rid of cool ranch cool ranch local because they can fucking bring them back in a year and it'll be like it's back yeah which is bullshit it sucks yeah yeah it's annoying yeah i don't have a i don't know i mean

like the mcdonald's fries it's not a conspiracy theory but how they used to use like tallow or something so that's why they were better i don't know yeah i got nothing i i wonder if this is a tough question

this makes me feel that garrett in new jersey has his own theory that he's hoping this is a way to open up about like doesn't that feel like the the kind of question of like yeah someone asks you a leading question of like hey do you believe anything weird you know and you're just like oh you have something you want to you want to share yeah and you're trying to get me to open up so that you feel more comfortable yeah it's like me being like what do you what do you guys think about um

the like 91 miami dolphins you know

yeah exactly yeah what the fuck are you talking about

i do want to hear what your conspiracies are is garrett Garrett, yeah.

Garrett, I want to hear what your conspiracies are.

But like, it's all the stuff that I know that's just true of like a subway foot-long is actually 11 inches, or like if you leave a McDonald's burger out, like it won't mold.

And you're like, okay, sure, I get why does Subway go away from the Tri-Cut?

I love the Tri-Cut.

Tri-Cut

special.

Yeah.

Yeah, I agree.

Man, I wonder any of these places, Dylan.

Have you guys done potbellies?

We have done Pot Belly.

Pot Bellies is my favorite sandwich.

My favorite fast food sandwich.

So there was one Pot Belly.

We went with Colt Cabana.

Yeah, but it was in, this was a deep pandemic episode, and the only Pot Belly nearby is in Irvine, which I think is now closed.

So it it was like, during the pandemic, we drove like 90 minutes to do, to grab sandwiches.

During the pandemic, wasn't it fun to drive around LA?

It was, yeah.

It was kind of funny.

Well, like go to the beach in 20 minutes.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I don't like it.

It was depressing in a way, but also it was nice to go.

I mean, going out to pot bellies was the thing I would do for the day.

So it was nice.

I ended up walking a whole bunch, but I did, I don't like driving, but I did like being in my car in that time because I would be like things like, oh, I'm just going to get fast food and then I'm just going to sit in my parked car like by a park.

And this will feel like I'm going out somewhere, you know?

Oh, man.

All right.

I was just saying, if I saw you just sitting in a car by the park, I'd be a little freaked out.

That's all.

I also want to say this brings up a conspiracy for me.

Yeah.

COVID, to me, I think so many fast food places used COVID as a thing to be like, we need to cut back on, and it was just a thing to save money for people in, you know, higher ups to make more money and profit off of it.

Why?

Because I think that so many fast food places since COVID have the quality has dropped big time.

I think you would agree with that, right?

Yes.

And I think that that's what they used COVID as an excuse.

Like Wendy's was like, we need to change our model because now it's more fast food, like it's more takeout than it used to be.

And I think that's just a fucking excuse to cheapen the product and for them to put more money in their pockets.

So that is, there's a conspiracy for you.

There is a...

No, dude, 9-11.

I'm looking at some fast food conspiracy theories.

The KFC Mutant Chicken one I mentioned, this is one that the Starbucks logo is some sort of Illuminati shit.

Oh, I've heard that.

Yeah, that it's got some sort of like sinister message.

Also, if you hold the Wendy's cup a certain angle, you can see your titties.

Right.

Didn't Starbucks bring back their original logo that was kind of

Starbucks bring back their original logo a few years ago and it was a little bit more like seductive and like teachers got in trouble for having the cups in school and stuff.

Yes, yeah, this was a thing.

Brooks just saw it.

Brooks pulled it off.

Oh, yeah.

It's true that we can, I guess we can that we can we can myth that the myth bust is its truth.

Wendy is not wearing underwear.

It's the man's daughter.

She's fucking six.

She's old.

Wise.

She's fine.

The Domino's Pizza Tracker is a sham is one that that's just completely fake.

I mean, I do think the pizza tracker feels fairly accurate.

It does feel accurate.

I just don't know.

Like, you would have to press buttons daring it.

I don't know.

Because I'm just, look, I'm going back to my time at Papa John's.

And it's just, it's pretty quick, you know, but like there just would be stations that you press.

Like, hey, we, I don't know.

I don't know how that works.

Yeah.

You got to get somebody from Domino's in here for that one because it is interesting.

Yeah.

I wonder if that is, that is, that's a big one that I, it does seem like it knows.

And also, like, GPS tracking is not that crazy.

Like, Grubhub or whatever doesn't.

It's just based on the phone, right?

Yeah.

So like, doesn't it seem like a delivery driver, they could know if it was close at least wages?

Well, I think, I think out for delivery makes sense because that's when you would scan it out.

Yeah.

But I'm just like, you're not going to be scanning the individual pizza after you put pepperonis on it.

Sure.

You're kind of just on a mission to get it in, though.

I think, like, it leaving and it on us on your way to are accurate.

He's too, he's too deep.

He's just reading the conspiracy.

Starbucks misspells your name on purpose.

Okay.

Which is, it's, it's meant as a marketing ploy because if they spell your name wrong, you're more likely to take a photo of it and post it on social media.

That's really a fun conspiracy.

That is fun.

It sounds like Starbucks read the game.

It's a

pickup artist book.

I got to go back to Starbucks.

They're kind of mean.

I've got to win them over.

They neg you.

I feel like as far as misspelled names here, the most likely one is Amelia.

Does your name get mangled in print?

I usually get the E-M-I-L-I-A spelling.

Got it, got it.

Those are not bad at all.

And that's a real spelling for the other version of Amelia.

Yeah, sure, yeah.

Well, there you go.

If you have a question or comment about the world of chain restaurants, you can email us at feedback at birdfuck.com or leave us a voicemail at 830 go.

That's 830-463-6844.

Can I have one?

I have one last food conspiracy.

PisanoCon is a right-wing-funded program.

I think it is.

I don't think that's a conspiracy.

It's a conspiracy at all.

It's pretty straightforward.

It's in the name.

Our producers, Emma Erdbrink, our associate producers, Amelia Marino, our supervising video producers, Casey Donahue, and our video editors, Mike Dorfman.

Doughboys Merch at kinshipgoods.com slash Doughboys.

And hey, our Patreon, the Dough Boys Double, plus our entire pre-2018 back catalog over at patreon.com slash Doughboys.

Brooks Whelan, what a treat.

Thank you so much for joining us.

This was so nice.

I'm a fan of you guys.

And it's always nice to see you out in the wild.

And so this coming to do this podcast was genuinely the highlight of my day.

It's a long time coming.

A real treat for us.

This episode is out May 1st.

If you have some dates to plug, and then also your special, Alive in Alaska.

Tell people what you want.

Just watch Alive in Alaska.

I went up to Alaska last year, Shot did eight cities, filmed them all, and then kind of pieced that together.

But the special is just an hour straight up in Anchorage, but it's freaking good.

You and I think Rutherford FaceTimed me in Alaska.

Yeah, I've been to Alaska twice with Rutherford.

Yeah.

It was New York Times' best special of 2024.

Wow, congratulations.

One of the girls.

They said with three.

It was me, Ronnie Chang, and Nikki Glazer.

And I'm like, okay, those guys are doing pretty good.

Yeah.

So

it's good.

It is deserved company.

It's good, is what I will say.

I would love it if you watched it.

Hell yeah.

Check it out for sure.

Yeah.

There you go.

Hey, that'll do it for this episode of Doughboys.

We'll see you at PaisanoCon.

Until next time for the Spoon Red Mike Mitchell.

I'm Nick Weiger.

Happy eating.

See ya.

That was a hit gum podcast.