Cafe Gratitude with Bryan Quinby

This is a head gun podcast.

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Check it out on our YouTube channel by going to youtube.com/slash Doughboys Media.

There is a disturbance in the force.

So began a lengthy Facebook post dated April 23rd, 2016, by the musician Moby, addressing the shocking revelation that Matthew and Terce Inglehart, the husband and wife owners of a Bay Area-based vegan vegan chain, were secretly raising their own cattle for milk as well as slaughtering them for meat.

At the time, Moby himself was a plant-based restaurateur, owning Silver Lake vegan bistro Little Pine, which he assured his audience wasn't just cynical opportunism, as he added in his post, quote, I'm a vegan for life.

The Ingleharts, meanwhile, represent in microcosm the larger transformation of the health and wellness demographic from plant-based to just based, Pokemon evolving from crunchy granola yoga practitioners to Trump-voting tallow evangelists.

And their Erie, a 2010 sensation and money liberal enclave San Francisco and Los Angeles, drawing celebrity diners like Ann Hathaway, Orlando Bloom, and Beyonce featuring Jay-Z, has had other brushes with controversy, with labor violations like forcing their employees to take paid classes with Landmark Worldwide, a new religious movement that's legalese for cult.

The restaurant is a self-proclaimed practitioner of, quote, sacred commerce and is infamous for their cringe affirmational menu item names such as I am energetic, I am together, and I am glorious, a kale salad, chips and guac, and a Caesar wrap, respectively.

Today, the mix of controversy and the entry of even more obnoxious and overpriced options into the wellness space has led to the Engelhart's chain shrinking to just two locations.

Meanwhile, Matthew Engelhart had his own batshit Facebook post defending he and his wife's carnivorous conversion, reading in part, quote, As in the passion of Christ, we all have to spill our blood for humanity to know the Father.

The cow's sacrifice has been ordained.

Ours we must choose.

Whatever your stance on eating animal products, we can all agree.

These kind of people are the fucking worst.

This week on Dough Boys, I am annoyed as we review Cafe Gratitude.

Welcome to Doughboys, the podcast about chain restaurants.

I'm Tiger Weiger, along with my co-host, El Chalupa Cabra, the Spoon Man Mike Mitchell.

That's fun.

Is it?

El Chupa Cabra, but a chalupa.

Nice little portmanteau.

Maybe I'm in a bad mood today, but I don't know.

El Chalupa Cabra.

I don't know if I like it.

Well, you're definitely not going to like it after I read the email that was sent in.

A take on the famous goat sucker in light of Mitch's Brady fluffing.

Kurt R., Roasted BirdFuck.com.

He's admitting that Brady's the goat.

He's saying Brady's a goat, but he's also saying you suck him off.

So?

All right, you know, douche.

Would you suck off Brady?

I guess so.

You know, the golden boy, you got the golden hog in your mouth.

You wouldn't do it?

Why?

Because I...

I guess you'd have to just so you could talk about doing it.

Yeah.

Yeah.

That's one thing.

Look, you talk about deflating stuff.

It's one thing I wouldn't mind deflating.

Brady's hog.

it would.

Everyone knows once you get sucked off, your hog deflating.

Yeah, he goes back flaccid.

It's usually the cycle.

Uh, Mitch, we are frank banking this episode because our guest is in town.

Uh, his guest lives outside.

Tell me, never to you can tell me never to date the episode.

I just decided to do it.

I'm doing it now because we're in the midst of Munch Madness.

This is our, but this is our first post-munch madness episode.

This, this is this one that we'll release in the main field.

This is this is wow, yeah.

Well, you're lucky you didn't take part of that bullshit on us.

It sucks and it's bad.

But congrats to the winner.

Jersey Mike's.

Yeah, congrats.

I would have loved to eat in Jersey Mike.

That would have been great.

Yeah, we actually fucked you over.

This is way worse than Jersey Mike's.

Jersey Mike's also eliminated in the first round.

So it would have to...

There is Fat Chance Kitchen.

Yeah, actually, we're at the point of the tournament.

We don't know if there's a way to get back in, but maybe there will be.

I'm going to Arkansas this weekend.

How fun is that?

Have you ever been there before?

No, I've

Oh, you have been to Arkansas, though.

That's nice.

It's Bill Clinton.

Yeah, no, I got it.

I was just trying to keep it, keep riffing with you.

Yeah, well, yeah, I've been there.

I grew up there.

Do you ever get up to any mischief down there?

Because I gave you a reputation.

I gave Little Rock to

what's his name?

To who?

Roger?

To Roger Clinton, your brother?

Maybe Roger?

No, not Roger.

Who's the guy who's the judge?

The Lolita Express.

Oh, Epstein?

I gave Little Rock to Epstein.

Oh, you shouldn't gift a guy Capital of the State to

get a notorious pedophile.

He was interested because it was because the Rock is Little.

He liked that little underage rock.

He was interested.

Hey, Mitch, speaking of little and a very different kind of little.

Oh, this is a great segue.

What a great segue.

We went up to Little Canada and we had a lovely time up there.

And

as part of our visit for Little Canada, we got littleized.

And it just so happens, Emma, did these come today, yesterday?

These came last week to my house.

They required a signature to be received, so I shipped them to myself.

Got it.

So these just came, like very recently, since our last record.

These are Little Weiger, Little Mitch, and Little Emma.

I guess we could unbox these on the podcast.

Yeah, give me a box.

Okay, here you go.

I hope I get me.

Yeah.

So we got you and Wigger are together, and then I'm a solo character.

Okay, here we go.

There's a little care card in here, how to care for your little me.

Handle with care your little mega.

I got little Emma.

Wow, it's great.

They're so cute.

Oh, you got, oh, you got Wygreen boys as one unit.

There we go.

Oh, we're one unit.

That's pretty good.

Mitch, that's pretty good.

That's pretty damn good.

Yeah.

It's kind of cool.

I love the fact that you're wearing your five forks hat, Mitch, and you can see the forks on your little.

Wow.

There's Emma right there.

I feel like you should hand Emma to Emma.

There you go.

She can sit back here.

Look at this, Wag.

Dude, we have new things for the tableau.

I mean, this is great.

Yeah.

There's very nice.

Very neat.

The detail is very cool.

Yeah, that's what it is.

I was like, oh, it has like the print on our shorts.

Yeah.

Like the little

sleeve on your hoodie wager is like completely there.

I told you my mom mom would be mad at what i was wearing she like she hates when i wear those camouflage shorts but yeah she she'll she'll be unhappy when she sees this but i like it michael don't get little eyes in those shorts

stop deflating tom brady's dick

um

i think those look great those are awesome Wow.

Thank you, Little Canada.

Little Canada.

We'll be placed somewhere in Little Canada.

Somewhere in Little Canada.

But yeah, again, just to shout it out, we talked about this in Toronto.

But

if you're up in Toronto, if you're visiting or if you live there, you haven't checked out Little Canada, it's a unique, wonderful spot.

You know what, Mitch?

Mitch or Wally to holler.

That's what I was going to say.

They're not going to stay away.

Giant Wally and Irma next to us.

Look at that.

You could ride Wally around, I feel like, if that was the case.

They're like Battle Cat right there with that size.

They're like laser tigers from Dune.

That rules.

Also, how cool would it be if you could get little eyes with like Wally and Irma sitting on your shoulder or something?

I would fucking love it.

I could get an ornament for my mom and sister.

They would, they would, they would like that.

That's great.

Hog actual size.

God damn it.

Emma, hit him with a drop.

All right, here comes the drop.

I'm tiger now.

A tiger spells danger.

I'm tiger now.

What?

What?

What?

What?

What?

What?

What?

I'm tiger now.

My tiger gong

is better than yours.

Admit it.

I'm tiger now.

Wow.

Wow.

I'm tiger now.

Oh, I got to read the

wags.

Here it is.

Spoonman has Soundgarden.

Now Tiger has his own ring entrance music, best played before beating up wimpy Doughboys fans such as myself, Ben.

Thanks, Ben.

Sounds like you want to get assassins.

Sounds like Ben wants to get his ass kicked.

Hope the Doughboys don't come to my town and beat me up.

All right, Ben, calm down.

I guess when I was saying...

Well, when Bill Clinton was saying Little Rock.

Yes, right, yeah.

He was kind of saying it like Plymouth Rock, like there is an actual rock there.

And I realized there's not really a little bit of a name of this.

There's no Little Rock in Little Rock.

Is there a Little Rock in Little Rock?

Actually, no.

I don't know.

Drops at birdfuck.com.

Mitch, very excited to have our guests

with us in studio

in town in L.A., as I mentioned earlier, from Columbus, Ohio.

He hosts the podcast, Guys, a podcast about guys.

Murder Brian, aka Brian Quinnby.

Brian, thanks so much for being here.

Thank you for having me.

Brian, we've had you.

You've been a great friend of the Doughboys for a long time.

We got you back in the Street Fight era.

We got you back in Mitch's apartment.

We were talking about that.

This was a pre-Emma age.

We were talking about Juggalos and

we were talking about Faygo.

Yeah.

And but we haven't gotten you in studio for a main feed episode yet.

We're glad that this worked out.

Last time we were supposed to do it for IHOP, and then I can't.

Mitch, I think we both got COVID.

I think that's what it was.

That is Oakberry.

We were supposed to do Oakberry.

We ended up doing IHOP.

That's what it was.

Right.

Yeah.

I got COVID first, and then I gave you COVID.

Yes, that's what it was.

How long you in LA for?

A few days?

Just four days, three days, really, but four days.

How was it like, like,

what do you get up to when you're out here?

Because what we, what we ate today is a very LA chain.

Like, like, we, we, and we'll talk about it, we'll get into it, but I feel like it's like kind of like an outsider's view of what people eat in L.A.

But, like, you, you were saying earlier before we were recording that LA is also like a great burger town, a great donut town.

There's a lot of great working-class food out here.

I love burgers and donuts.

It's like my two favorite.

I get made fun of because I think somebody asked me what my favorite foods were.

I said burgers and pizza, and they told me I sound like a four-year-old.

But yeah, there's burgers and donuts here.

And that's what I usually, I also always go to Erewhon and get a smoothie.

That's no, that's a very LA thing.

That's very, that's, you know what?

I mean, burgers and donuts, both very LA things.

You're hitting all the LA famous thing.

I mean,

also, Homer's favorite donuts and burgers are probably.

I'm a lot like homer actually i am uh uh definitely i eat like him for sure you know what i'm a lot like homer that part when he's at hell and they're feeding him the donuts that sounds like the best thing to me just really good well yeah also i guess like would your stomach expand you know like uh like i guess he doesn't it he doesn't it's he doesn't seem to mind it's car it's a cartoon world a cartoon real world oh right yes yes i think it does not follow i'm sorry i'm sorry our rules of physical reality thank you weiger i'm sorry but yeah, he loves it.

He loves the stuff.

Wait, hold on.

Oh, shit.

The whole thing's a cartoon, right?

Not just that segment.

It's all of it.

It's all that.

There is a segment that's not a cartoon, right?

Like on one of the Tree House of Horrors.

They did do a live-action opening once, and then they did a 3D animated one.

What's the live-action alternative?

Oh, right.

Yeah, there was a lot of it.

Wasn't it made online?

And then they just like, wasn't it like a British thing that they just used or something?

Oh, is that what happened?

I thought that's what it was.

One of the things I really love, it's disturbing, but I love it when people make the cartoon, like Beavis and Butt.

Have you ever seen the real life?

They put like the real flesh textures on there.

They look disgusting.

Yeah, I know.

Cardo Franklin.

It's very funny, though.

I show them to people and they like, ugh, that's disgusting.

I like to show people gross things.

Oh, we know.

Well, you're on the right show, wrestler penises.

I am very known as a guy that shares wrestler penises.

Oh, man.

There's like a whole subsection of porno where they take wrestlers and they like photoshop them naked.

Yeah, so like I have a big show one that is crazy looking.

But if you just search any wrestler in nude, there's a naked picture of them.

We talked about, was it the Lego one where they show people?

I have a Lego, I got a naked Lego guy at my house.

He's like this big.

He's got a little tiny hog.

He's actually got replacement hogs in case it breaks.

I already had to order new penises because they break.

They're very brittle.

They're 3D printed.

Right, right.

Like I have them, I have a Lego city in my office that has a naked Lego old man standing on the roof of the police station.

Wasn't there also like a Lego Reddit or something?

It was just people.

Oh, naked Lego.

Naked Lego.

That's a good one.

That's mostly, you know, there's more women on there than you would expect.

I only post the guys.

But there's like so many more women on there where it's like they put like a Lego on their titties.

Okay, right.

Because they usually just build like,

they like build the thing and then lay their hog on top of it.

It's not, it's not like artistically done.

You know what I mean?

Right.

A lot of times a guy will just post himself naked with the Lego box.

I'm doing a little

Rizzler.

I kind of like the sound of this.

Rizzler would probably like it for the Legos, I'm sure.

And I would like it for it.

Is Rizzler into Legos?

Probably.

That's a cool thing.

My guess is Rizzler is into Legos.

So you're saying people get naked online with miniatures.

Are those shirts real or is that carved?

Like, is it...

This is, you can feel it.

I don't know.

Oh, I thought it was fabric.

No, it's not fabric.

Beautiful.

No, it's really well done.

Yeah,

all those online.

But I also feel like a lot of times those posts are just like, aren't they people just trying to sell their own, sell something?

Like, isn't that part of it too?

Yeah, I think that like.

A lot of Reddit, because I find a lot of that stuff now just naturally working.

Like when I'm prepping shows, you can generally like, you'll find a naked community.

Like, I just did referees, and there was like a naked, I found like naked referees.

And, like, just, there's new Hebner and shit.

Like, like, what are they?

What are they showing?

I just, hog, they just, but, but it's like in a referee shirt, you know what I mean?

So, like, framing out your face, you're wearing the referee shirt, and you just got your like fucking.

I mean, they're all like every kind of guy likes to be naked.

That's one thing I've, I've definitely learned.

Every, every type of guy has a naked guy that hangs around and has their own subreddit.

Right.

Like if you search something on Reddit, because I use it a lot for the show, if you search something, there's also adult NSFW

categories and everything you search there or there.

And I click them first.

Before I start actually getting the work done, I click those to see how those go.

Let's say, speaking of guys,

you did pizza guys with our good friend Eva Anderson.

And like, what did you find about?

Because I want to talk about pizza in general, but like, like, any takeaways from the unique pathology of pizza guys that you can recall?

I am just like, I am one.

That's what I ended up finding out because it's just like if somebody's like, oh, you know, there's this dough that takes three days to ferment.

And now I was like, okay, I'm going to do that.

So I learned how to do that.

Then they said pizza steel is the thing.

So I bought a big pizza steel.

And now I do that.

I think the weird thing I found, I think the thing that we found on that episode that was very funny is like I searched for the best pizza in the world and it's in Italy, wherever, Napoli or whatever.

And I found it.

Do you buy it?

I don't buy it.

I think American pizza is better than I'm sure it is.

I mean, because you've had

it more.

Yeah.

You would like it more there?

No, I'd like American pizza more just because it's closer to what I know.

Yeah.

But yeah, we found like bad reviews on those restaurants.

And they're like bad reviews are like one of our favorite things.

Yes.

Because they're generally not for the food or anything like that.

And I think all the funny pizza stuff was around like people trying to use their uni, the pizza oven, and just posting the worst looking pizzas you've ever seen.

Like the thing falls apart because my wife told me she would let me buy, if I agreed to move, she would let me buy an uni.

And I was like, I didn't even ask for one of those.

She tried to convince me that we have to move because I don't don't want to move.

You know, but I got a pizza steal and I have a pizza slide and I order pepperoni from like this company in Ohio that does it.

It's called Ezzo.

pepperoni company i get that i have detroit style brick cheese it's like i paid 45 for these things of cheese so i can learn how to make a detroit style pizza i have like the special pans and stuff so i it's really hard sometimes for me to find the weird thing about a guy when I'm like kind of that guy.

Yes, yeah.

That becomes difficult.

So it was, it was definitely like a lot of just guys fucking up and then fighting over who has the best pizza, you know?

Sometimes I'll do a pizza steal.

Yoink.

Mitch, you're something of a pizza guy yourself, Mr.

Slice over here.

Yeah, I haven't made him in a while.

But you were, your bar pizza was, was quite tasty.

You like it?

I really enjoyed it, yeah.

You ate it at Palmerston is where you ate it.

Wow, that's a while back.

There's pans from Lloyd's.

Was that the place?

There's like specific bar pizza pans.

Oh, with the holes?

No,

this is like very specific New England style.

I'll send if you ever want to try to make a bar pizza that is like, it's kind of, you know what?

I mean, like, it's not like Detroit style at all, but the, like, like, you know, the, the, the, the, the edges, the crust of the pizza is, what is that called?

When the cheese is burned.

Laced.

Oh, yeah, yeah, right yeah the laced edges and and and detroit style does that too so there's like some similarities there i guess in a small way i think there's also something of like it is a a pretty hyper regional type of pizza that is kind of like detroit style pizza obviously had a moment pizza hut had a detroit style pizza like like it's got it's become a national thing but it wasn't for a long time i feel like bar pizza like new england style bar pizza is gonna have that moment when it kind of becomes like oh wait there's a place in l A that does it now there already kind of is yeah so maybe that's the next thing it's It's close.

Tavern style.

I mean, like, it is funny.

It's just like, you'll never,

it is, I've had, I've had Detroit pizza here that I'm like, oh, that's close.

And then I have, but I have not had barbed pizza here that I'm like, that is barbed pizza.

Right, right.

The best I've had here is yours.

Gotta be honest.

Hey, I'm doing

Jets pizza.

Do you guys have Jets pizza here?

We've had Joe.

We had Jets in Detroit.

We don't have it out here.

Very weirdly really into that.

I'm like, I'm like, kind of a snob when it comes, like, because I don't, I haven't had Pizza Hut or like Domino's or any of that stuff, but like there's a there's a jets pizza in the convention center by the house that is like really close but like i go there to walk yes but is this actual like is it's a convention center version of it or is it an actual it's the real thing it's a real thing

from there too and everything so like i walk up and down the steps there and other stuff that sometimes i do in there yeah but uh uh

I sometimes crap at the convention center when I'm traveling.

Right.

Are you a buddy or Jets guy?

I think I like Jets.

I don't like buddies.

I had buddies like a couple years ago and I didn't like it.

When you're a jet, you're a jet all the way again.

From your first cheesy slice to your last

cheesy slice.

That's a good one.

I got a buddy's frozen pizza and it was the pizza that broke me and said, I'll never eat frozen pizza again because there's some kind of a preservative they put in frozen pizza.

Okay.

It's this weird taste that is in all of them that I just am like, I can't eat this anymore.

I think it makes me sick.

Yeah, I mean, frozen pizzas, I don't know, did you do frozen pizzas ever?

I sometimes do a frozen pizza, but they're not, there's a couple that are.

It's always a compromise.

Here's the thing.

I was going to say about Italian pizza because it's always like the best Italian pizza is like Neapolitan style, right?

It's like the, and I like Neapolitan style, but it's not my favorite type of pizza.

Right.

That's why like a New Haven or like a New York style pizza or I mean Regina as you know I love but like that that big those big New York style slices I'm gonna to like more than even the best Neapolitan, I feel like.

But frozen pizza that I have had that is good is kind of, I think it's called Table Eight.

Yeah, it ends up costing $25.

$25, you might as well order pizza.

I mean, like, you might as well order a pizza, but I guess to have in your house at any time, that table eight one is, is decent, but I, all of them kind of like, even the, like, the best ones almost taste like, it kind of, like, it's like, it's a little bit of nothing taste.

There's a weird chemical.

I don't know what it is.

It's got to be something in there that when I eat it, it makes me nauseous now.

And it's all of them.

Like I said, I bought the Buddies, which is a really expensive one.

And it's like a specific one.

I ate it and it made me sick.

Yeah.

And then like, you know, I haven't had like a red baron.

I used to do those red barons.

They're like mini deep dish pizzas.

Oh, I remember those.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

It's kind of like cupcakes.

When I was growing up in high school, they had those mini deep dish pizzas.

Oh, yeah.

Wait, who did those?

The red baron?

Red Baron?

Red Baron does them.

They were good, right?

Yeah, they were called Little Charlie's when I was growing up.

And you would get those at school.

And I would get those and nacho cheese and dip them in nacho because we used to dip everything in nacho cheese when I was in school.

They had like this really good nacho cheese.

So I would dip those in there.

That's the other thing about Ohio that is weird is that we have the chili cheese burrito at Taco Bell.

Right.

And I get it all the time.

And like every time I leave the state, I'm like, I'm going to get a chili cheese burrito and they don't have them.

And I'm like, that is crazy.

But what happened was they sold them at our school when we were growing up.

For some reason, the school cut a deal with Pizza Hut and Taco Bell, but they didn't sell anything from Taco Bell except for the chili cheese, the Chiledo.

So y'all got indoctrinated with the Chiledo.

Y'all got hooked, and now it's become like a region-locked Taco Bell special.

Yeah, I mean, there is a MAC.

We did.

I feel like I would never eat.

a chili cheese burrito if I hadn't.

Wow.

When I was growing up.

It's disgusting.

It is disgusting.

I guess you're right.

I mean, I would like it too.

I feel like.

Yeah, it tastes good, but it's it when I like I think about it now.

I can't think too much about it because I think about like

they have to make it for this like one specific place.

Like, is it just some kind of bag of chili and cheese sitting in a Taco Bell warehouse that they're like, we need more in Ohio?

We need to send some to Ohio now and nowhere else.

There's a map.

You can search.

There's a map.

There might be a place here that sells them.

But on the map, it's like the middle of the country.

That little area, the Midwest, has all of them, and then you don't see them anywhere else.

Wow, I gotta, I gotta see this Choledo map.

There was a lot of school lunches that I liked, but which turns out that most of it is just like prison food, right?

Isn't it prison food, basically?

Yeah, I mean,

my remembrance of the actual cafeteria food in my

elementary school and middle school is pretty grim.

It's like Cisco, right?

It's all like the same, the same handful of national national suppliers and they're just getting like, you know, the cheapest shit that the, whatever the school district can afford, which isn't much.

So for prisoners, when you're older, you're like, school lunch for kids sucks, basically, right?

And the, but the thing I remember from my middle school and then later high school is they did have similar sort of things.

Like you'd get McDonald's cheeseburgers at my, at my high school, but just sold from like a guy.

And I used to get pizza all the time for lunch.

I'd get two pizzas and two chocolate milks as a fat 12-year-old.

And I have that every fucking day for lunch.

And then I'd be like, why does my stomach hurt in gym class?

Like, I never made the connection.

Two pizzas and two slices of pizza and two chocolate milks.

And there, and our, all our

fucking little, stinky little fuck

as a dairy dude.

And all of us, like, our, in our age bracket, they, they, Bill Clinton had not taken out all the, the, the, the, the, like, sugar-loaded drinks that were in vending machines.

So we just had soda machines with like full, like, Mountain Dews.

I kept them in there.

I kept them in there for you, Wax.

It was weird where I grew up, you were a dork if you packed your lunch.

So like I didn't pack my lunch.

I ate in a cafeteria every day.

And my daughter, when she was in school, you never ate the school lunch food because it was like,

it's gross.

It's gross.

You know what I mean?

So they packed their, actually, my daughter very luckily was allowed to leave for lunch and go get like whatever was in Wendy's or whatever.

Oh, wow.

Yeah, we could not leave.

we could not leave the the premises but hey i'd get locked up for one of those chicken patties again well i could go

the mexican pizza i don't know if you had the mexican pizza that were like an octagon thing oh no and they had like yellow cheese on them and like probably ground beef some kind of meat you're saying do you say at your school cafeteria or a taco yes yes in my school cafeteria we have a version of that it was like they called it mexican pizza

Probably because we're from Ohio and so far away from Mexico, everything seems Mexican.

But like, but I think they're called tostado.

Yeah, it's like a tostada.

That's the we have a version of that.

Here's the chili cheese locator.

This is from Living Moss is the site, the Chili Cheese Burrito Locator.

So yeah, it is very much concentrated in the Midwest and the South.

But there is, if you go,

you know, it basically stops at the Rocky Mountains.

Yeah.

It's basically like you, like you have to be east of the Rockies.

It's basically a map of who voted for Trump.

It's like a red map of when people are showing like the majority and they show that it's like all red and you're like, no one lives in like it's part of the moment.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

But like Montana's all red.

It's like there's 200 people that

I want to ask you about, because we're talking about pizza, I want and Ohio.

I want to ask you about Columbus style pizza specifically, which is its own thing.

Yeah, it's a thin crust, like very thin, like cracker crust, and then the cup and char pepperonis.

And it's got like a spicier flavor.

It's easy to, if you look at a picture of it, like it's very good.

I think they

some Chicago takes credit for it sometimes, but it's not the same.

I've had it in Chicago and it's a totally different thing.

It's weird.

Like when I first, because I didn't do a lot of traveling until I started going on tour, when I first started going on tour, I expected that kind of pizza when I went to a place and was very surprised that people actually hate pizza cut in squares for some reason.

Because

There's also another, it gets confused with this other Ohio style pizza, which is DiCarlo's style.

Yes, that's it.

It's a round pizza, but it's cut into, it's tavern cut, it's cut into squares, and it's very cut into squares or is it just cut into sticks like that?

It's cut into squares usually.

I don't

fucked up.

Yeah, he's stupid.

But there's also DiCarlos, which is some,

I think, a more rural part of Ohio where they bake the pizza and then they put the cheese on after.

I don't, I've never had that.

Here's an article.

What is Columbus style pizza?

And here's the lowdown and why it tops them all.

It does top them all to me, but really not to you.

Yeah.

Wow.

I mean, I want to try.

I've never tried Columbus style pizza.

What it reminds me of.

Didn't we go to Cleveland?

No, we did not go to Cleveland.

Oh, we went to Cleveland.

It's weirdly like, it's not in Cincinnati.

It's not in Cleveland.

It's weirdly just constant because there's a pizza place called Donato's that is kind of almost a national chain now.

And they like kind of pioneered it.

And then now there's all of these guys that ripped them off.

You know, like all the rumors are like we have these weird rumors about it where a guy worked for Donato's and then he was like, I'm going to make it.

myself.

And then he opened up a place and that happened.

You know what I mean?

So I think that is how it happened.

But Donato sucks now.

I mean, like, I don't get that thinking you're getting it.

That's a different thing.

Like McDonald's bought them, then sold them and everything changed.

So you got to go there.

i always feel like it would sell well anywhere though i think people would like it it's a little bit spicier oh that's nice we got we got we got to try but where did we try faygo dude oh we were it was when we were destroyed yeah we brought fago here and then yeah

ryan brought some but then we also got some i love fayo yeah we brought a bunch you brought a bunch here didn't you yes that was great yeah yeah i love it i you know i'm a big icp fan growing up so they seem like good guys we've said yeah yeah i chris said who do you want to get on the show and i only put two people people one was violent j

he's like what kind of guests would you like and i was like violent j

is there a reason why violent j over uh shaggy shaggy because violent j is more verbose like he wrote the book and show all that stuff i was such a crazy fan of i like

there's a period of my life where the only concerts i went to were icp concerts and it was like 10 a year or whatever i was just they come to ohio a lot did you do do you you've been to the gathering of of the juggalos or something?

I did.

I did go to it one year.

I would do it again, really.

We want to do it live, Doughboys.

Yeah, they have a comedy tent.

I don't want to do that.

I don't think you want to stand on stage there is all I'm saying.

They fire bottle rockets at the people on stage the whole time.

Like it never stops.

Like I was watching Kid and Play and I was like, so, you know, it's kid and play.

They're like fucking 55-year-old guys, and they're up there dancing and stuff, and they're dancing and avoiding the bottle rockets.

I mean, that sounds pretty funny.

Yeah, it is funny, but it's not.

And we also saw

Vanilla Ice, and he didn't play Ice Ice Baby.

Oh, wow.

He played like nothing from like the one album that everybody.

Although I was a fan of the hardcore rap album that he did and the metal album that he made.

I actually ended up liking those at the time.

I probably wouldn't listen to them now.

But yeah, he was

there.

That's my boy.

I like

vanilla ice is pretty fun, and that's my boy.

Do you ever see that one?

Wait, that's my boy.

Oh, the December one.

I never saw it.

Oh, it's great.

I like that's my boy.

I think it's funny.

He did a

I should find this.

He did a home improvement show.

Do you do you remember that?

He had like a

violent J.

No, I vanilla ice.

Oh, vanilla ice.

Vanilla Ice did a home improvement.

Oh, he did.

Yes.

No, I remember.

This was a reality show.

Yeah, yeah.

That was

shooting bottle rockets at him up there, and they like him.

Right.

And they like ICP, and they're shooting bottle rockets at ICP.

And then like, if it's a, it's a non-hyper

if they don't like us, which they won't, basically.

No, I don't think so.

No, I don't think so either.

I gotta get that there.

In 1941, Dave Thomas had a vision.

Dave, Dave, just as soon as you start a fucking whiskey bottle.

Yeah, I can't imagine a podcast happening.

I know that they have comedians, but I don't even think, I think they just like a lot of the acts, they just pay to be there.

Yeah.

You know what I mean?

Like they go up and do their thing for like five minutes and then they're they're done they think they'll like me talking about deflating tom brady's dick on stage i think they would like that

you think i you think i would be a hit with the judge with a junk

there i knew that yeah you have wrestling there like i i didn't get to see it because i left before the night time like i am very like

i went to woodstock 99.

wow yes and i left the day before the riots and stuff because it was too uncomfortable.

I hated it.

I was sleeping in like a bad tent in the middle of a parking lot were you were you when you saw that the riots started at that age where you're like i wish i had a bummer yeah i did it a few riots though oh really yeah ozfest 97 in columbus uh ozzie didn't show up and i didn't care because i wasn't even like an ozzy fan right but like he didn't show up we even got something a little cooler it was like all the acts from earlier in the day played black sabbath songs it was like a novel thing but

everybody was like this ozzy can't just show up and it started kicking the fence down and burning stuff and flipping cars and stuff jesus and it was like i was even like crazy i was like oh if aussie can't show up to his own and i didn't even care like at all but i just wanted to riot yeah you know what i mean i was so excited about it weiss showed up late to a seattle show once that's right and I guess for us, I mean, there wasn't much rioting.

I think people were like, where's Weiger?

You know, like, there wasn't that.

That was kind of quietly said from the audience.

Yeah, yeah.

But I've never been a part of a riot.

I feel like I would be uncomfortable.

I was in Ithaca when the Red Sox won, and then my friends went into town and they saw, like, they saw how crazy it was, and they left basically.

Yeah, it's not, it's, I mean, it can be fun, like, when you're young and you don't give a shit, but like, I, you know, like the political riots, those are bad.

Like, the police throw flashbangs at you.

Like, at the OzFest one, they just flew a helicopter over and said, hey, guys, stop that.

You know what I mean?

Like, not that.

They said, like, please disperse.

And I actually saw the police grab a guy and handcuff him to a tree that was like this, one of those saplings and just fucking leave.

And they're like, we'll come back and get him because he was throwing bottles at cars.

Like he was sitting in front of the police.

Just throwing bottles at cars because he just, I think when it happens, people are like, I'll never get arrested.

But some people get arrested.

But hey,

he got some chicken patty fucking lunch

when he went to the Slammerwags.

It's worth it.

I want to ask you about a place, something I heard you mention on YKS, which is you were getting a lot of soft pretzels in Columbus.

Is that a thing you're still doing?

I'm trying not to, but now that I'm here,

the Wetzel's pretzels, I love those.

Oh, wow.

Like, I'd love them.

They don't have the Wetzel.

I like Wetzel.

No, no.

We do Auntie Ann's every time we go to the mall.

Yeah, sure.

I like Auntie Ann's too.

They're so fucking good.

Like, they're like probably the best, but there was a place in the city that just does soft pretzels, and it was in like this market that's right by my house.

So every single day I was stopping and getting two soft pretzels and a Diet Coke and just eating them.

And then it was like, oh, that's not healthy.

Two soft pretzels a day.

All right, relax, Mr.

Two chocolate milks and two spices.

Who are you to judge?

I'm not judging.

I'm just saying.

I've broken a lot of soft pretzels.

I've broken in a lot of insane habits.

like the caramello habit.

There was, I was eating six king-sized caramellos a night.

Oh my god, like in the middle of the night, I would wake up and go down in my kitchen and just scarf down three or four and then go back to bed and then wake up a little later and eat two more.

It was like, I'm spending like almost $20 on candy every day.

I feel like if that was written into, you know, how they sleepwalk and step brothers,

someone, if someone was like, how about eat six caramellos?

I'd be like, that's too crazy.

I'm gonna get like three.

Yeah, maybe three caramellos, three king-sized caramellos.

I haven't bought one in so long because I know what will happen.

Like, it's like I'm an alcoholic.

For sure.

Like, if I had one caramello, I was like, oh, I'd love five more of those.

Do you remember when caramello was new?

Well, I mean, I don't know if it was new, if it was just the new commercial campaign.

I remember stretch it out.

Yeah,

yeah, I remember that.

I don't, I don't, yeah, I feel like caramello has always been around, but maybe I'm wrong.

Maybe it wasn't new candy at some point, but I do remember that that jingle.

I do remember that campaign.

I love them.

Oh, God.

They're so good.

It's crazy how good they are.

And then I quit because Mike and Jesse and Chris made fun of me for it.

And I was like, I got to do better.

You know what I mean?

And then I just got really into Reese's outrageouses.

So I'd eat six of those a night.

And it was just like, it's the six that's the problem.

It's the six.

Not the flavor of candy bars.

I like candy bars a lot.

Like, I don't, it feels like I like candy bars and I like soda.

I like pop a lot.

And it feels like everybody hates it now.

Like, like people are, I don't know.

I love soda, but I don't.

I drink a diet.

I do like a Coke Zero every day, and it sucks.

I'm trying to get off of the zero sodas this month.

I've had one so far, but I'm trying to like wean myself off.

What are you doing?

Just water?

Yeah, I'm just doing water, sparkling water.

I'm doing zero sugar cherry seven up right now.

I don't know.

That's like my favorite drink.

That's good.

And I, and I, have you had the Shirley Temple?

The I did not like that one.

Oh, it's weird because I am known by as a guy that because I know it's got pomegranate in it.

Yeah.

And I spent $75 on two pomegranates once on accident.

Two rotten pomegranates came to my house.

And I was like, this sucked.

Cause I got really into pomegranate.

I get like obsessive over stuff.

And I got really into pomegranates.

Couldn't find them anywhere in Ohio.

So I ordered them from this place

and they shipped them to me and they were both rotten.

And I looked at how much it was and it was $75.

Yeah, it sucked.

I felt like a real fucking stupid ass.

It's, it's, I was reading what you were describing about like if you had one, you'd go right back into it.

I'm I'm reading this book on dopamine right now, and it's talking about that phenomenon.

Like we, we, like, we, we bind ourselves.

I forget exactly what the term was, but there, there, it's something binding.

Like, we, like, we create some sort of structure where it's, like, we're forbidding ourselves from having something that gives us pleasure.

And then if enough time passes, and then we go back to it, even though our bodies have learned to manage without it.

If you go back to it, immediately your brain reverts to where it was previously.

Yeah.

So it's why like when an alcoholic who could be, who'd be sober for years falls off the wagon, they're immediately just like fucking completely getting plastered all the time.

Right.

Like, and it's just like, I guess it's just a part of our brain chemistry.

But it was, it's one of those things you're like, well, it's nice to know that's the reality, but it's also really discouraging for breaking bad habits.

I'm just like, so my, my option is lifelong abstinence because otherwise I'm going to go back into not a problem.

It's weird.

I find it very strange.

I think like I never thought about how weird it is to be an adult that has a candy bar habit.

Sure.

I don't have a candy bars anymore, but I used to, I did.

I mean, I still love a Reese's.

I just, it's just as you get older, it's just so, and I mean, soda is my, that's the thing that I'll, I, I love a Coca-Cola, and I haven't, I haven't eaten them as since I've been doing that stupid drug that I've been doing.

Yeah, I barfed yesterday, I barfed in the fucking shower.

That's my favorite, that's my second favorite bodily punch.

Barfing, what's number one?

Nutting.

Nutting is number one.

Yeah, of course, nutting is number one.

You had to ask.

You think nutting was after fucking throwing up?

I don't know if we're considering that in part among the options.

Yeah, it is.

Man, are there people that like the

throwing up more than nutting?

No, not that.

Not more than that, but I love throwing up.

Yeah.

It's one of my favorite throwing up and then crap.

Like, people give me shit because crapping was my last one, but I said it's better if it's diarrhea because it's like

fucking in and out with that, you know?

Sometimes having diarrhea does feel good.

Yeah.

Barfing barfing and diarrhea are the two most cleansing things you can do.

I don't mind doing barfing, though.

I find barfing pretty unpleasant, but go on.

I, I, I, I, I was like, I barfed yesterday, I barfed in the shower.

I would look, I

in the shower, I've never done that.

I, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, your drain was like, what's this?

Pushing it through with your feet.

This is new.

Um, it usually gets a different uh substance.

Yeah, yeah, come.

but

I was nerve-wracked.

I had some,

there was a

work thing.

It did a big work thing.

Yeah, a big work thing.

Did you feel relieved after at least?

I woke up nauseous, and I've never been worried about work stuff like this before and ever.

Like, I've never gotten sick from it.

And that's even.

We can just say what it is.

We were having koala on Doughboys.

Yeah, I was so nervous.

I was so nervous i just like didn't want to see him uh so i was like i was brushing my i was i brushed my tongue and then i was like oh it's over i'm gonna barf yeah it sucks and i like got i i threw up and then i got down to my knees and then i really threw up and they were when you were done it was like when i was done it was i did feel it i mean it sucks so much because i was just on all fours barfing that's the problem like i i feel like i i do get the post-pute clarity i get what you're talking about like i just feel better but the the actual process of vomiting I feel unfinding so physically unpleasant.

And I also, I, and Mitch, I want to hear you give closure on this, your anecdote, but like, I also like always get dry.

I mean, yes, that was the issue.

I was like, what?

And I'm like, sorry, I shouldn't even do that for listeners.

And then I was on.

And that, but I was like, that's like, cause I never, I don't throw up.

I like, don't, I, like, when I throw up, I'm dying.

Like, I'm, I'm dying.

I remember, well, I shouldn't tell bad story.

The last time I threw up before this was after staying up all night with Jack Allison and we were watching the wolf of Wall Street and we were very fucked up.

Yeah.

And Jack said he went to bed just hearing me in the all over the toilet being like

and just throwing up and he was like, I should probably check on Mitch and he never did.

But this is when you live together?

This is when we lived together.

So that was like what 10 years ago?

I think that's the last time I threw.

I can't remember a time that I threw up.

Maybe I probably have said it on the podcast, so they'll know more than I do.

Some guy will be like, oh, you

threw up like four weeks ago.

Yeah, but

this was the first time I remember throwing up in a while.

And I,

yeah, I got down on all fours and I barfed up onions and beans.

Yeah.

And it was in the drain.

The onions and beans were in the fucking drain.

They were just sitting in the drain.

And I remember just on all fours, barfing up onions and beans.

And then also my dick was just shrinking into my body.

Right.

Yeah.

I could just feel my dick just being like,

like going into my body.

You're naked with water running over you.

You're just fucking puking drugging.

It's awful.

It was a deflate.

It was basically like a deflate thing.

A deflate gate.

Yeah.

Hey, it's, I don't like cleaning up bars.

No, no one wants to clean up bars.

No, that's such two is clean up diarrhea.

That's not fun either.

Come on, clean up diarrhea.

Well, it depends on what's going on.

You spend enough time around children or the doughboys, you will have to clean up diarrhea.

I don't mind puke because of having a kid.

I don't want poop.

Like, I remember being like.

like, Puke is gnarly, though, isn't it?

Yeah, it's gross.

Yeah, poop is poop.

Poop is the worst.

Human poop is the worst.

Human shit is disgusting.

I don't like it.

I don't care for the stuff.

I remember when my daughter got old enough that it was

not an adult size, but real poop.

Yeah.

And it was like, you got to fucking learn how to use the toilet at this point.

This is fucking crazy.

Oh, yeah, that would fucking.

They get to an age where you just look at them like, nope, you can't do this anymore.

It's one crap and you're like, no more.

Yeah.

Real stuff.

Picking up a log with like paper, like with, oh, that would suck.

You used to have to clean it up in the backyard for the dogs.

Oh, yeah.

My friend's mom was like, we're going to go see Boys in the Hood when I was like 12 years old.

And I was like, I got to go.

My parents are like, you got to clean the dog shit out of the backyard.

My brother had to mow the grass.

So I'm out there cleaning up the dog shit.

I look over at him.

He takes the lawnmower and he lifts it up and drops it on the stump of a tree and breaks it on purpose.

So he doesn't have to finish.

And they let him go, and I was like, damn, I wish I could have broke something or something.

Yeah, with your task, I could have done it.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

What is your let's say?

Did you get to go or no?

I did.

I did get to go.

We got to go.

I think they were always going to let us go, but they're like, maybe we're going to get the lawnmowed out of this.

But it is funny to break the lawnmower.

Like, because now they're just going to go.

It is also, you said you were 12 years old.

It is a, that's a, it's a, it's an intense movie.

Not only is it intense, but I took the wrong, I was like, like i gotta get in a gang like immediately after that movie i saw it and i was like let's start a gang i talked about it on on eyes a lot is like i was like let's start a gang i have all these gang ideas that we can do and then like in ninth grade

this dude that i went to school with was like i'm starting a gang and he started jumping people into his gang and he was like you want to get jumped in to my gang and i was like let's see how long it lasts for like i didn't want to get beat up I was like, let's just see how long this gang lasts.

Maybe I'll get in later if it's still around.

But yeah, I wanted to be in a gang really bad.

The Irish mafia was in

not the, you know, there were, I didn't know any gang.

I didn't know if I knew anything.

Like bloods or crips.

Yeah, there was nothing like that.

I knew people that claimed it.

You know, I knew, like, where I grew up, there were guys that were like, I'm a, I'm a blood or I'm a crip.

And it's like, you're not in, you're in Ohio.

You're like Groveport, Ohio.

I don't think you are, but they functionally functionally would be they would beat you up yeah i mean so it wasn't much of a difference yeah yeah what's the difference you're getting your ass kicked yeah yeah yeah yeah so i had i had to uh i had to clean out my drain afterwards and it's it was it was bad that's awful yeah it was bad what is the rest of your bodily fluid drinkings i think it was

because nutting is nutting puking barfing and then i think i said farting

and farting third yeah i don't really like i hate fart i did fart guys on yeah i know i i did yeah i hate farting yeah like i think it's the worst although i found the fart guys kind of wholesome weirdly the guy that i found the fartologist yes like that guy is really funny to me yeah like he he feels

because he's not like a horny guy really not even it's not because he thinks it's funny yeah yeah and he's like i have these great crazy farts and i want to share them with the world i'm serious that he said that there's a video of him talk like answering questions and he's like why do you do it and he's like oh oh, I had these really funny farts.

And

I was sending them to my friends on text and asked me to stop doing it.

So I had to share it with somebody.

So now he does these things.

He does these videos where he's like, he goes and eats Indian food and films himself eating it.

Yeah.

Then he checks into a really nice hotel and he just lays in bed and farts and

records it.

And he's got like a little meter to see how loud the farts are.

I laugh at it, but like, how different is it from what we do?

It's the same.

It's very strange.

It's the same thing.

It's the same thing yeah but it's like you know it's it's it's very strange to be that yeah like i found that like

i found that it's very strange like i found the guys that were like these farts are great you know yeah yeah that's i mean that that is that is that's more perplexing to me is people that like to watch it or yeah but but there's like an aspect of it because obviously like yes everything is fetishized and people can sexualize anything there are people who are jacking off to this but there are also people who are just like haha that's funny what a great sounding fart.

You know, like we're just appreciating it for aesthetic reasons.

R slash farts has a no fetish rule.

Wow.

Which, as Chris, my co-host pointed out, that you can't really stop them.

Yeah, sure.

Right.

Fetishes from being.

The way we did the episode was like the first part of it was all those guys.

And then because of the fetish guys existing, we did the last 15 minutes.

on that and that was really strange stuff like that stuff

like like guys just like like, putting their head up against their girlfriend's ass and having her fart in their face.

This is crazy to me.

Yeah.

But yeah, the, the, the guys that love it, I found a guy on

Reddit on R slash farts that gets up every day and farts, like, and films it.

And then people started saying, like, your farts are too nasty.

Stop doing it.

It was too gross for R slash farts.

Yeah.

And he was like, to the Jabronis, he told me to stop filming my farts.

Here's a big one.

He's He's like so defiant, and I love him.

He's a white guy with dreadlocks.

He's very defiant, and he just loves to fart.

He just won best actor.

Do you?

Okay,

so, so, so farting is third, fourth?

I think it was farting.

See, it was on X, the everything website.

Got it, got it.

I don't remember.

I knew it was crapping was last because I hate crap.

Yeah, but I say pissing after farting.

I love pissing.

You do like pissing.

So we do love farting.

So it would have been, it would have been nudding, barfing, pissing, farting, crapping, and then if it's diarrhea, crapping goes up two spots.

Got it.

I got a lot of grief for it, too.

Like, it was crazy.

Well, some people really like to take a big crap.

I know.

It's so gross.

It's the worst.

Like, you know, I would rather throwing up is so hard.

Throwing up is really unpleasant.

It's really unpleasant.

I'd rather take a crap than pew.

It doesn't seem like it's pew.

Well, yeah, you take you one you do every day.

Yes, but I would switch.

I would trade that.

Oh, my God.

I would.

If I could get rid of crapping and just barf all the time, that's what I would do.

I would make that deal with the devil

and whoever would do it.

Garbage pail kid universe where you're just fucking coughing every day.

Yeah, I would love it.

Jesus.

I don't like, I don't like.

Crap smells so bad.

It's the worst stuff.

Yeah, no, it's bad.

It's all look, it is all.

Also, I liked that you pointed out X is the everything website.

I look at Reddit probably too much now.

Yeah, probably.

I don't look at it at all.

Somebody was like, hey, I was on R/Murder Brian.

And I was like, don't go on there and don't tell me anything about it.

I don't want to know.

what's going on there.

I started because I just, I'll just give myself a barricade now.

So I just have fucking block site on my browser and I just, I just block Reddit.

So I just don't look at it.

I know.

Yeah,

that was a, that's a site that I could find myself looking at and then just like, why am I doing this?

Like, I'm not even posting, I'm just lurking, I'm just reading like psychos,

like writing insane shit that I that is making mad.

I'm just like, there's no reason for me to be doing this.

Yeah, if I want to occasionally check like the NBA subreddit or something and just see, like, hey, I want to just look for some highlights, I'll toggle off block site for like five minutes.

But like, other than that, I'm just like, I'll just stay away from it.

That's that's my easiest way to manage it.

I don't look at any guy's stuff at all.

Yeah, that's smart.

I don't go to the Double Discord.

I go to the Discord like every

like rarely, I go in there and I'm like, I'll talk to them.

But no, I don't want to know what people think.

I think I just, people say that the Burder Bryan subreddit is actually really nice.

I'm sure they, I'm sure they're very nice to you there.

I got a lot of fans.

Yeah, I'm like, okay, that's good.

They're mean to Chris, though, and I don't want to see that.

I don't want to see them mean to my co-host.

They posted the Quincy Corey's on the Reddit.

You never want me to tell you what's going on in the Reddit.

Yeah, I just don't even know.

Oh, you don't want to know.

I don't want to.

I don't know how you're looking at that.

I'm a sick man.

I'm a sick son.

It makes you nervous.

It makes me nervous.

Like, and I stopped finding myself arguing

with the people in my head.

Oh, I go in and I'll leave comments sometimes, which is even worse, which is really bad.

Yeah.

It never is.

It's not.

If you're upset, it's not worth doing, but I do it sometimes.

This show is sponsored by Liquid IV.

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It's hot, and you got to stay hydrated.

You know how I stay hydrated?

How's that?

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Speaking of shit and

vomit and diarrhea, we should get to this restaurant.

That's right.

Cafe gratitude, Mitch.

So people in LA, and myself included, for a long time thought of this as being like, oh, this is like some obnoxious LA place, but it actually started in the Bay Area, which also makes sense.

This was founded by Matthew and Terce

Engelhart in 2004, founded up in the Bay, and it is run with their sons who are stepbrothers.

They each have their own son, and then they later married.

It is a vegan chain that serves dishes named for affirmation.

So if people aren't familiar with this chain, every menu item has a name like, I am strong, I am humble, I am valued.

And for a while, I think they're less stringent about this now, but they like wanted you to actually say the thing when you ordered it, which is a big part of why this place is so annoying.

It has had a lot of controversy over the years.

I'll just name a couple.

I'll just read a few of the things, but the owners force their employees.

And by the way, they call their employees advocates.

And they consider that, like, they say, you're advocates who practice sacred commerce.

That's what your job is.

Oh.

But they force their advocates, their employees, to pay out of their own pockets to take classes from Landmark.

Landmark is a new religious movement, aka cult, that's also a multi-level marketing scheme.

But are they required to take the classes?

They were required to take it, yeah.

They like the employees had to pay for half of the classes and the company paid for the rest, but they had to do it.

The Engelharts also are like, it's a loudly vegan chain.

Like, it's like, it's like overtly vegan.

Like we're, we're, we're plant-based.

We don't have any fake meats.

We don't, we don't have any meats.

We don't have any fake meats even.

But like it came out later that the founders moved to Idaho.

They raise cattle who they

produce and sell cheese from and then they also kill and eat them.

So they're just like eating, eating meat and dairy on their on their farm that they paid for.

Yeah, I know.

And then the chain swelled to like a dozen locations in the 2010s.

It was like a huge celebrity thing.

I feel like in the early 20 like, I feel like Jake Gyllenha would go there in like 2012 or whatever.

You know, it was like that kind of spot.

It's kind of faded.

It's not as cool anymore.

It's kind of been,

you know, taken.

Its spot has been taken by places like Erewhon.

So it now just has two left.

There's two in L.A.

And we went to one of them.

And Brian, one thing I know about you from listening to guys

is that you like expensive things.

This place is super expensive.

But it's not the good kind of expensive.

It's not the good kind of expensive.

No, it's not like Italy.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Oh, yeah.

I ate at Italy the last time I was here for some reason.

It would have been, we should have gone back.

Italy would have been way better than this one.

Italy's very okay.

They got good pizza, I think.

I remember.

So I hadn't been to this place in years.

I was not excited to go back, but I think it was a, Amelia, this was your pitch.

I think this was a good idea to go to this place because I think it's a kind of place that we should cover.

But it's a

every aspect of it I find so obnoxious.

I've never been before.

I never have.

You've never been before.

No, we have one of these places in Ohio called Town Hall.

There's this like restaurant group of this guy that does, oh, no hormones, no antibiotics, and all that stuff.

I think they have meat there.

They do have meat there, but they're like, the guy is unambiguously evil.

Yeah.

And it sounds like, as soon as I saw the menu for this place, I was like, the guys that run this are

extremely evil.

No, 100%.

It's that kind of thing of like, you read more about this couple, and

it's not like they have like this, this, this, like, moral center that, like, is like, we, we care so much about plant-based food that we want to make this our lives.

It's instead that they saw an opportunity in the market where they're like, you know what, there's a, there's a spot for a high-end vegan place in LA.

We can really bilk all these people with a bunch of disposable income, all these, you know, what they used to call limousine liberals

by selling this food.

And

like that, it was a business plan.

And

I hate this place so much.

They're like hippies, but they're like the hippies who grew up into Republicans.

It's like once their financial, once their financial needs situation became more comfortable,

all of their ethics just went out the window.

Yeah, it's RFK thing.

Same fucking thing.

You get a tax bill.

I think that's like

the first self-employed tax bill I got.

And I was like, I think I'm a Republican.

Get all mad about it.

what are they doing with my money

I I I mean I didn't know that they I didn't know that the owners were such seems like pieces of shit yes they're not even vegan the owners no that's very funny that I like why the fuck are you making us eat vegan well this is the other thing it's like it you you look into this couple and it's like they were before they launched the restaurant they were like we're gonna have a board game and so it was just like oh so this is just a hustle to you like they were they tried the board game the board game did work they're like okay what's our next business uh how about a vegan restaurant And that's what they do.

And they effectively build the brand.

Like, they effectively pander to, you know, people who are, to have these sort of like,

whatever, like, like, live in the kind of mindfulness sort of wellness sort of space.

Is there information on the board game at all?

I don't know if you can find the board game.

I'd be interested to see how crappy it is.

It's probably so, I mean, I wonder if it's anything like, look, we said this on the text a lot, but I am angry is what you said.

You said, I am hangry.

I said, I am pissed because they didn't have the fucking thing I ordered,

which also, anyways, was fucking mung bean or whatever.

Who gives a shit?

I didn't want it anyway.

What was the thing you ordered?

What was it called?

It was the Mediterranean bowl.

But you remember what it was called?

Because it had a stupid name.

I am dumb.

It might have been the I am dumb.

Yeah.

I didn't get the I am dumb.

I am thriving.

Maybe it was I am thriving.

Might have been the I am thriving.

They didn't have.

I am mindful.

Oh, the I am mindful.

You are mindful, Mitch.

Thank you for mindful.

I think of you as a mindful guy.

I did try to get get it.

That's very kind of you.

I was searching the menu for like Mediterranean to see if they had another Mediterranean bowl for you, and that was the only thing that came up was the Mediterranean mung egg.

Mung bean egg thing.

Which is not Mediterranean dish at all.

It's just eggs.

Why does it have mung bean?

I don't want mung bean.

I don't think it's not mung.

I don't want mung bean.

I think it is a mung bean that like functions as eggs in the thing because they obviously don't have eggs.

It sounds grunt.

Hmong is weird.

I was just at the Arnold Classic, which is a big bodybuilding expo.

Yeah.

It's like the biggest in the country.

Is that in Columbus?

It's in Columbus every year.

Yeah.

And I was there, and there was an energy drink called Chike.

And I was like, I feel like you shouldn't be saying

the name of this protein coffee.

It was like everywhere.

Yeah.

That is, I'm afraid to say it, but I won't.

Portmanteau of three slurs.

It just sounds like what?

It freaked me out to see.

I was like, very, because, like, the, the, all the marketing there is, it's really good.

It's like all like mutant it's got like a big monster on it and it's like get

ripped

i love it i go out i love bodybuilders the reason i'm i didn't come here friday yeah was because i didn't want to leave columbus during the arnold classic because i like to go over there and look at all the big huge guys and smell their big huge craps

because it's like really famous yes it's really famous among the restaurants in the city as the time when you have to keep unclogging the toilets.

Right.

Because those guys will go in there, they'll order like two pounds of unseasoned ground beef.

You know what I mean?

Like they're just loading up on protein and fat.

My sister

is a chef at a fine dining restaurant that does, and like, you know, usually they make these like really cool dishes.

Actually, when I go there, they make me a Western cheeseburger

that's not on the menu.

I just go in there and they make me like, they fry up some onion straws and like make me, because I love that.

Yeah, that's awesome.

The onion ring, bacon, barbecue sauce, meat, like cheddar cheese, like that.

Oh, I love that composition of burger.

I grew up, and I don't know if you had Hardys out there or Carl's Jr., but we had Carl's Jr.

out here.

I grew up loving the Western bacon cheeseburger.

Mitch, I know you love that as well.

I very much

can't get it.

Like a lot of places aren't doing it anymore.

I wonder if there's like a map, like the Toledo map, where we can get.

I need that.

That would be huge for me.

We got to do a drank or stank with chike

get some mutant too yeah we gotta get another one at jock fuel mung which is i know a more natural name among it's a mong

sounds disgusting mung is mung sounds like what i left in the shower i was like yeah poopers don't they yeah Hmong was the beans and the fucking onions.

By the way, how much better would a Western bacon cheeseburger have been than what we ate today?

I just think,

man, that would have been so good.

I'd be pretty tired right now.

That's the thing about you eat that thing and it's like, there's nothing that's good.

No.

Like, you're like, well, there's an onion and there's protein.

Yeah.

But yeah, she makes me that.

But she said guys would come in and order like four steaks.

And then one of the guys was like, he ordered four steaks.

He ate three of them.

And he said, hey, can you hold this back in the kitchen?

I'll be back later to eat the fourth steak.

So he went to the bathroom.

I don't know where the guy went.

I think he left and went back over to the body.

It's crazy because there's just people sitting.

It's not like a fitness city.

It's Columbus, Ohio isn't like where the most fit people are.

So you just see these guys, these massive guys, just like shoveling food into their face all day.

It's just, it's such a weird,

like I, every year I go there and I look for huge guys and different weird, they do sports.

So they had this like,

it was called mass wrestling.

And it was like, um, they had this little rubber thing and they like sit on the floor and they basically tug of war with it.

And I fucking loved watching it and then they also have very weirdly a foosball championship so there's professional foosball players there and i always go over and check out the professional foosball but these guys this sounds like every

not jacked at all yeah really it's actually

feels it has a definite like pro wrestling vibe and that there's a dj playing the loudest classic rock you've ever heard in your entire life yeah and like guys that are just dressed in different weird like one guy had like an American flag shirt and then American flag overalls and an American flag hat.

And he was like a big, he's a big deal in the foosball world.

Wow.

Every detail of this sounds weirder than anything I've ever experienced.

Like we went to we went to the Scientology brunch.

That's true.

And that was one of the weirdest things we ever did.

That was really strange.

But, and I guess, you know,

Comet Ping Pong was kind of strange,

but, but, uh, but uh, but this every

part of it seems Gabris really Gabris said he's coming next year because he's always wanted to go to that Gabris just competing it.

I'm sure he could it's such a big it's it's hard to emphasize how much of a big deal it is like people come from all over the world to this.

This is like the Super Bowl of bodybuilding.

So you just see people walking around in this town where like, you know, I live I live like three or four blocks from the convention center and there's just people walking up and down the street.

There are these massive guy, like, right, wrestlers are there.

There's always like a lot of wrestlers.

My sister fed Ryback and the big show

and Triple H once they ate together.

They ate a lot of food.

Apparently, they ate a ton of steak.

They were there for, they were there for the face.

They were there for the venture.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I know.

Gronk was there.

Oh, Gronk.

Oh, wow.

Gronk has some sort of a fuel.

Not gas, but as in like some protein.

One of those fucking caffeine.

It would be funny if you hit a new gasoline.

They're like, Gronk gas is like great for the environment.

Makes your car go one mile an hour fast.

Well, speaking of my, the second dish I ordered did not fit me.

It was I am strong.

Yes, you got, you got the I am trusting.

Let me just, so, so the.

So the mindful, I didn't get it.

I am mindful, you did not get.

That's my mind.

Mitch, you trusted us making the decision for you to have the I am trusting, which was Amelia's suggestion.

This is an Okinawan.

Not really.

I didn't really trust you.

I just had no option.

Well, you were responding.

So we were just like, that one seemed closest to what you were.

You know what?

I am trusting.

I said, that sounds just as bad as everything else.

It was an Oka.

How dare you say that about the Okinawan purple potato longevity hash?

Which is what the I am trusting is in practice.

The I am strong is blueberry protein pancakes.

And the I am plentiful was your juice.

That was cranberry, pomegranate, grape, carrot, apple, and ginger.

I'm trying to do the math of this real quick.

Your three menu items.

Like 60 bucks?

Yeah, were $60.

Nice.

The total price today was a plane flight.

You could fly.

It's north of $300.

Yeah, for our north of $300.

Replace that sucks.

A horrible place.

Really?

So my food, I have a weird whole thing going on.

So, Brian, you got

an I Am Clean, which is a medical medium heavy metal detox smoothie.

I like the word medical.

I do like that they put medical in the food.

I like the idea of medical food.

We'll talk about the medical medium in a second because that's a whole thing.

And you also got the I Am Lively, which was a Belgian oat waffle plus fresh berries.

Now, the way this was packaged was really disorienting.

And you actually ate the toppings separately

before you realized that there was a separate container that also had your waffles.

in the top of the bottom.

That was sitting right between Wager and

there was something in that container that was the consistency or flavor of a waffle.

Right.

So you're like, oh, is this a weird deconstructed waffle that comes in a jar or something?

Like, okay, I guess this is what costs.

And also, like, you see that it costs $16.50.

Like, well, I guess from this fucking place, this would cost $16.

Yeah.

But yeah,

there was a separate thing of waffles there.

Wait, how were those waffles?

The waffles were good.

I got the most cowardly food of everybody, but I got one.

The smoothie was gross, but they're always gross.

Like, that's kind of the smoothie thing for me.

I don't know.

Smoothies can be a good thing.

I love disgusting smoothies.

I like when it tastes like dirt and grass, and you're like, that's probably good for me.

I was going to say, because yours has grass juice as a barley grass juice is a big part of it.

And it was a very green-brown sort of look.

It looks like it looked like muh.

It looked like someone scooped up lawn.

This one

that I'm drinking here is a little bit more of a conventional fruit-based smoothie.

Yours was fine.

It didn't taste small.

It was like nothing.

Yeah, it doesn't have much more.

I tasted it and I thought it was like water, basically.

I didn't like it.

Ours was a beet juice and I didn't like it.

Emma, did you like it?

Mine's almost gone.

Yeah, I like ginger.

But I like beet juice.

I don't mind that.

Is there anything else in it?

I think

it's like

ginger and pine.

It was pineapple.

Oh, pineapple.

Cranberry, pomegranate, grape, carrot, apple, and ginger also in it.

I know a great place to get pomegranates if you're ever.

Wait, there's no pineapple in it?

No pineapple.

Oh, I fucked up.

That would have been good in there, though.

Yeah.

So the waffles, Mitch, you had the blueberry protein pancakes.

That was the I Am Strong.

That also came with a double batch almond ricotta, maple syrup, blueberry compote, and cinnamon.

I mean, the thing is, you are getting maple syrup and cinnamon and blueberry compote.

Like, there were protein things that would be good.

I will say.

So,

do you know what the protein was?

Oh, God, I

that's that's what I'm afraid.

I'm afraid that's what it was.

Similar to like those, you know, the like Kodiak pancake mix.

They just loaded some powder.

It just has like more protein

gylling haul nuts.

Just whack it off.

Like 15 whacking it off guys at the crap big gratitude.

Oh, fucking nasty.

Back to fucking Brady.

These were the best things I

ate.

Well, I don't know.

Actually, the thing, the I am trusting was okay.

You took a bite of it.

So the I am trusting, I mean, there's so many components in this, but it's just a big mix of bullshit.

Yeah, it had eating yams,

bell peppers, broccolini, edamame.

And this had and a, and a spinach pesto.

So it had all this kind of all these different components.

It just was just like a big mush.

And I didn't really like the texture of it, but I thought the flavor was fun.

It was like an adult mush bowl.

You know what I mean?

Like, like

everyone wants a healthy mush bowl.

Ostensibly neutral.

I don't eat bowls.

I get mad when I, my wife loves them.

They're just so easy to fucking shovel down your throat and be over with another day of your life.

Yeah.

Just give me some bread.

Yeah, I mean, yes.

I like bread.

Like, if you have good bread, I'll tolerate a bowl.

But other than I need bread.

Can I just, I just want to say this.

Yeah.

The

Pantry Cafe closed.

L.A.

Institution.

L.A.

Institution is closed.

As of this recording, it has just closed.

It will probably be bought.

And we'll see if it gets bought, if it gets reopened.

But it's one of these places.

Please finish with that.

101 years.

It's open.

The dispute is over.

I know you want to get into it because it's over union stuff and it's ridiculous why it's closing or whatever.

But 101 years, this place is open.

It's a great restaurant.

The LA fires happened and the Rio Inn burned down

and Moonshadows.

Yeah, Moonshadows, the beloved karaoke bar where Mel Mel Gibson was there.

Mel Gibson got arrested for saying chike to a cop.

I was just ordering a drink.

I was actually, I was with Mel that night.

To be fair,

I was the one who said sugar tits, but

he asked if I wanted anything on the way home.

I said, I was saying like, you know how like sugar and water from Men in Black, the Vincent D'Anario thing?

I was saying like sugar tits.

That's what I was trying to say.

Right, right, right.

It's defensible.

Gibson is such a good guy.

He took the fall for me.

But that place burns down from the LA fires.

Pantry Cafe closes.

Cafe Gratitude is just fucking fine.

Nothing happens to fucking Cafe Gratitude.

I think Cafe Gratitude has,

like, they, again, as I was saying earlier, they have really contracted.

They're down to just two locations.

I would not be surprised if that was just one location in the semi-near future.

They are not thriving as they once were, but it is a bummer that a place like the Pantry Cafe, which is an LA institution that's been around for so long, you'd think that a moment like the LA Fires would be like, hey, let's make sure that we preserve this thing.

Instead, some fucking asshole company is like, we want to unload this because the employees are a union and we can't get them out of their contract.

It's fucking horrible.

But anyway, it's a yet that sucks.

And a meal from the pantry, an absolute delight.

Great experience.

Cash only place.

The servers, some of the servers have been there for like 40 years.

It's just a fucking awesome

spot that used to be open all night.

Bullshit spot.

Yeah.

It carries on.

So I got the I am caring.

This was to share.

This is the loaded nachos, nacho chips, cashew queso fundido, black beans, chai foods, chorizo, pico de gallo, avocado, spicy pipitas, cashew crema.

I added guacamole.

This was $21.

Isn't chai foods chorizo a fake meat?

That's what I thought it was.

So they kept saying they don't use fake meat, but I guess they use some.

I think chorizo, like now, I know it means sausage in Spanish, but I think now it's a spice mix.

Because

my wife is a vegetarian.

Yeah.

And I buy her chorizo spice mix for when she makes food because it for like soup and she doesn't eat any fake meat.

Right.

She just eats like vegetables all the time.

I don't know how the fuck she does it.

A lot of, I feel like longtime vegetarians, though, they get away from the fake meat because they just like they don't crave that specifically.

Yeah, no,

it seems gross.

Yeah, and I totally get that.

I will say that these nachos I ordered because I thought they were going to be awful.

And I was like, we should try them because we should try something that's, you know, going to really suck.

And I, the, the, the benefit of having low expectations,

I thought they were not terrible.

They were okay.

They're like the nachos you get at any chain restaurant.

Yes,

they were pretty fine.

I was getting mad.

Everyone was being too nice to this place.

It sucked.

They sucked.

Amelia, you took a bite of the fucking nachos.

They sucked.

They were bad, right?

Yeah, I think they were uninspired.

Uninspired, yeah.

I mean, like, but uninspired is different from inedible, which is what I was expecting.

So I guess that's what I think.

The guacamole that we added that we paid extra for.

The guacamole went a long way.

They did a lot of work on those nachos.

Yes, just having some avocado on there.

I'll say that about the avocado.

It fucking souped,

it sogged the shit out.

Those tacos, those nachos were just sogged, city.

Look, would I ever get these again, not for content?

Absolutely not.

But in this context, I was like,

you know, again, this is not the worst thing I've ever eaten for the podcast.

I got the I Am Enthusiastic, which I had higher expectations for because this is fundamentally a buffalo chicken sandwich, but with mushrooms, chicken-fried mushrooms instead on a brioche bun.

This was $20.

I don't know.

I thought this was.

It didn't taste like buffalo chicken.

It didn't taste like buffalo chicken.

I mean, it tastes like heat.

You can get heat from it.

Yeah, yeah.

Yeah.

And you know, I'm a bit of a heat seeker.

I wanted to have some spice from this.

I had some expectations like, hey, if you slather this in buffalo sauce and a fake vegan ranch, that maybe this thing will actually have some flavor.

Maybe I'll get a little bit something from those kids that are.

I brought red hot sauce all over for fucking sakes.

It would have been nice.

It needed anything.

And instead, it was just sort of like a just sort of a starch pile.

I thought it was a pretty I just realized i'm so pissed off from this restaurant

i've been pissed off all day and it's this stupid restaurant pissed me off the other thing i got is the i am precious uh which is the smoothie i'm still working on this is an antioxidant smoothie this one is part of the medical medium menu which is produced in partnership with anthony william this now uh brian you also got the uh medical medium heavy metal detox smoothie that's another one that's a that's partnered with this guy again speaks to like the this place and kind of the inherent evil behind it Uh, let me read about Anthony William.

Medical medium Anthony William is the number one New York Times best-selling author and chronic illness expert whose advanced healing information has reframed the natural health movement.

Now, Anthony William has no scientific or medical training, he's not a doctor.

He's basically one of those guys who's like celery juice will cure all of your body's ailments.

And then if you look through his website, there's an extremely long testimonial section that's all quotes praising him from just our dumbest celebrities.

Like every fucking moron, like,

you know, fucking Sylvester Stallone is on there.

Deborah Messing is on there.

It's just, it's everyone you would expect is endorsing this guy.

He has a podcast that's, of course, way bigger than any of ours.

Here's a recent episode of Anthony Williams' podcast entitled Los Angeles Fires, Toxic Fallout and Spiritual War.

The notes for this episode.

Discover why God didn't stop this tragedy and whose plan this all was.

What a bass.

Learn about how our faith can fall into question and how miracles occur every minute of every day.

Discover how the spiritual war above and around us impacts our lives here on planet Earth and how many times angels have intervened without us realizing it.

This is like this is hard to be worse than going to Chick-fil-A.

That's what I was going to say.

This is worse than fucking Chick-fil-A.

People got mad at us for Chick-fil-A.

This is worse.

This is so bad.

I just can't imagine where the money's going.

Exactly.

Yes.

Just, it's hard to even, because you know

RFK got a lot of this money.

For sure.

No, this money, this money, the money from this menu, which is, you know, this, this weird conspiracy theorist, this, this quack is like

having this partnership with this chain.

He's probably getting a bunch of money from it.

And yeah, he's sending it straight to the fucking fucking RFK.

I mean, that's how they're doing.

This is as bad as Chick-fil-A to be clear.

Sorry.

But I mean, it just sounds very bad.

I'm taking this idea home and making vaccine smooth.

I'm just, this is the vaccine smoothing.

The cancer vaccine.

This is the kind of guy.

I mean, this is the kind of guy who's like, stop taking SSRIs, start drinking celery juice.

Like, he's that kind of guy.

And, you know, whatever.

He has like a whole section of the menu.

Anyway, celery juice tastes like shit, though.

I feel so bad.

SSRIs taste good.

I chewed one one time.

I had a total panic attack.

Wait, really?

Yeah,

I was at a concert.

My wife's brother's in a band, and I went to watch them.

And I brought my medicine that I take at night with me.

And for some reason, I threw my medicine in my mouth.

And then I took a drink and had ice in the drink.

and I bit and it was straight up just SSR.

So, and then I convinced myself I was going insane and made her leave her brother's concert.

But it ended up being okay.

But it really like it tastes because I used to love pills.

Yeah, sure.

I used to eat the pills all the time.

You chew on the pills?

Oh, yeah.

Oh, chewing pills.

When I was

that because you would ingest it quicker or what would happen?

Okay, got it.

Well, I like, I got a snort drug.

Yeah.

I just, I'm weird.

I'm weird about like, I'm weird about not wanting to snort things.

Oh, smart.

So I would chew them and then I convinced myself I like it.

I mean, I was

surprised that you're not down with snorting just as a man who loves throwing up.

I figured that I figured that you would be okay with snorting.

I only did it like once when I was in high school.

Somebody brought Coke over to the house and I was like, I'm fucking try it.

But you've done some huffing, but huffing is distinct from snorting.

That was a long time ago.

Okay, got it, got it.

Yes, it was when I huffed a lot of gas.

not a lot of gas growing up, but there was huffing going on

frequently.

We would

grab a gas can and we would go to a cemetery in the middle of nowhere, and each of us would huff like 10

and then go running into a cornfield and tackle each other.

That was like a regular thing

that

we would do.

I'm glad I, because what ended up happening, I've told this on guys is my brother

was huffing butane in a car with two of his friends yeah sitting in a car in front of the apartment with two of his friends and one of them went to light a cigarette and a fireball just went back through the whole car

and like the ceiling stuff was dripping onto them they got like really bad burns they had to go to the emergency room

and the only one that told their parents what my brother was like i was out here huffing gas and somebody lit a cigarette the other ones came up with reasons like one of them was like i was mowing my i was mowing a friend's lawn and I was smoking a cigarette.

And it's like, that's not, first of all, it happened like two in the morning.

Yeah.

And then I, I can't remember what the other one was, but they both lied and said, this is how it happened, even though the car was like sitting.

So, yeah, yeah, I got out of huffing like right around that time.

Was like, that's a good enough, that's a good enough time.

You have to get out of that stuff when you can get real drugs.

Like, when it gets, has it become easier to get weed?

I always think that, like, now that it's so easy to get weed, there's no real point in like doing all the other stuff that was just like kind of a well i'm 16 i can't i can't buy anything sure yeah

i heard you can you know that you drank that's what you drank robot robotus and at that point yeah

yes we did a lot of that we did the robo-tripping like i knew this guy that was like he would just robo trip and he would come over and say go ahead and punch me i don't care

And like people would do it and he would just kind of stand there and take the punch.

Like it was crazy.

Yeah.

Like, and like, yeah we got the anarchist cookbook i think if you if you're like one of those bad kids that got a hold of the anarchist cookbook then you tried a lot of weird story yeah there's also just like a certain age like they like i feel like everyone at the day is uh every producer's desk is too young for the anarchist cookbook but there was a time when it's just like oh wait this this this text document plain text document you would find on like a bbs would be this thing that meets that would circulate at your school some kid would print it out and like everyone would be looking at it and it was just like oh this is how to do every bad kid thing yeah this is this They had it at the library, but only one copy was the main library.

So to drive downtown to get it, and my, yeah, we would go up there and like run off, but like, how to smoke banana peels, which is none of it is real.

You know,

much of it's fake.

Yeah, because it would dry out these banana peels and smoke them, it'll get you fucked up.

So we would do that, and it wouldn't do anything.

But then you would sit around and go, I think I feel something, I think I feel fucked up.

Would you be down to review gas with us on Dope?

I would do some gas.

Yeah, yeah.

We used to make napalm with it too, right?

Like

that, you would get

you would get styrofoam and you'd pour gasoline on it and it would like jelly it up.

I remember a friend trying to make this.

Yeah, we made it a few times.

That actually worked.

Oh, that worked.

That burned some hands.

Yeah, I actually hung out with this guy that had gunpowder because he'd go hunting with his dad.

And he went in his house.

He came out.

He's like, check out all this gunpowder I have.

And we're like, that's cool.

What are we going to do with it?

He was like, check this this out.

And he poured it in like a pile, like this big.

Yeah.

And there was a port-a-potty close by, and he grabbed some toilet paper to use as a fuse, and it just got his hand.

Like

it was fucking because toilet paper takes like two seconds to do it.

Yeah, of course.

Yeah.

He just lit it and it just got it.

It was crazy.

We just

exploded or just burned the shit out of it.

It was melting.

Oh my God.

It was very gross looking.

I never forgot how gross that looked.

Jesus Christ.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

We used to hurt ourselves.

We were very into the

don't do any of this stuff at home.

Please don't.

Yeah.

I was very into it when I was a teenager.

We were just, I hung out with a lot of bad kids.

We were bad.

So

I remember doing

Robitus and I remember drinking Robitus and I went upstairs and my dad was watching Thin Red Line and just being like, I can't like handle watching this right now.

And I was with my other friend and his dad came and my dad was watching him walk out and he just walked like three feet and fell over onto my lawn.

And then

I used to air gun, I would take little spurts of air gun for a while.

Oh, yeah, whip, not whippets, it was air dusters.

Whippets, too.

That's like the worst stuff.

If you're a listener and you're thinking about trying, don't ever do any of the aerosol stuff.

It's so bad.

I hate whippets.

What was it you did at the power hour?

Were you doing whippets?

I did do whippets.

There was a moment.

There was a whippets moment a few years ago, not too long ago.

It came back.

Yeah.

Yeah.

It's so all that shit's so so bad for your brain.

It just is like destroying your brain.

Yeah.

Yeah.

What I'll say is this, this, you know,

this quack fake doctor anti-vax fucking dipshits smoothie was the least horrible, I think, of the things that I ate.

Like, if I was like, this is drinkable, I'm sipping on here.

It's like, yeah, it's banana dates, orange juice, cherries, wild blueberry powder.

That's a pretty straightforward thing.

You would get it like a Quench or a Robex or any of these juice places.

It's like a fine execution of it.

You are both correct that it does not really have much flavor, but it's drinkable.

It would probably be like $10 cheaper.

It would be cheaper or at Erewhon would be more expensive.

It would be much better, though.

It would be better at Erewhon.

The nachos I thought were whatever, but they certainly weren't good.

And

the buffalo chicken sandwich, I thought that was a huge disappointment.

I thought all three of my menu items were pretty

two forks at best.

You weirdly didn't like the pancakes, which seems like

they were the most normal things there.

I ate them.

I was like, these are pancakes.

The pancakes were were were that they had maple syrup like helped it and but i didn't like that that fake uh ricotta like that that nut i don't really like the nut cheeses i hate it and i like i all i just don't feel like they any of them work the the only fake cheese i feel like works well is like the the fake american cheese you'll get on like a like a montise burger like a vegan burger like some of those i feel like work i've never had fake cheese because it weirds me out so many of the the cheese sauces like what they put on the nachos i thought absolutely did not work and the thing they were trying to approximate a ricotta texture and flavor, and it just

absolutely did not work for me.

Even though I don't necessarily mind fake milks, like, but but I eat oat milk, I have oat milk all the time.

This is an oat milk latte I'm sipping on right now.

I like, I'm fine with fake milks, it's just the fake cheeses.

I feel like it's, I don't know, none of those work for me.

It's weird.

I said this before, but we should kind of probably be weirded out by real cheese more than like

actual cheese is insane.

It's an insane thing to eat.

It's gross, but I like it.

I like it too.

It's delicious.

Yeah, I like it too.

So do the owners of Cafe Gratitude.

Everyone likes real cheese.

Eating a real good cheeseburger at their house

while you're eating I am thankful.

This is so unfair.

Anything else to say about this change?

Is there any food we missed?

What did the deists think?

Anyone have any hits or misses over there?

I mean, I got a I am resourceful salad, and it was, you know, it was a delicious salad.

I don't know if I'm gonna, I'm not gonna like go back and find it again.

But if someone was like, we're doing this for lunch, I'd probably get another salad, but that's pretty much it.

It's probably the thing to order from there.

If you end up in whatever, this is a pretty unique use case, but like, if you're in LA and your office is doing an order from Cafe, I said, I'd be so mad at the fucking person who says Cafe Gratitude for Lunch.

I'd be so mad at you.

But I think if you got like the, what was the salad you got, Emma?

I am Resourceful.

Yeah, if you got like the I Am Resourceful salad, it's a butternut squash and kale salad with a balsamic Dijon dressing.

That's probably going to be fine.

I am torn because I'm like, a vegan, look, vegan, there's people who are vegans who are in rooms and they need to eat too or whatever.

I'm just saying, like, if you're with a group of people.

There's just so many vegan places that I think are better.

I just feel like, yeah, they're better vegan options.

Yeah, go to a place with options rather than force everybody to eat.

I mean, like, it's not that hard to dump a bunch of vegetables into a bowl and say, here you go.

Yeah, and this is the thing I always like.

There's like great vegan Indian food and vegan Thai food.

It's like, it's like you can find stuff.

You can get pad Thai with tofu and that's a vegan dish.

And that's delicious.

That's really good if well made.

You don't need the fake-ass nachos with a bunch of different hyper-processed components to approximate, you know, food with meat and dairy in it.

What was that place, the farm's place or something?

I went with sus.

It's like in Beverly.

The farm's?

Was it Britain?

No, not the grocery store?

No, not the grocery store.

Farmer's Daughter.

Farmer's Daughter.

Yeah, Farmer's Daughter.

Or what is it?

Butcher's Daughter.

Butcher's Daughter.

That's what it is.

Yes.

And I was like, I liked Butcher's daughter way better's way better yeah way way more than cafe one butcher's daughter is also the kind of place that's taking the space that cafe gratitude once occupied they're like hey we can do a place that's even more you know it's a little bit more twee and it's a little bit more upscale and we're just going to take this market from you but i think that's a better better version of this for sure it's less corny like cornfru items are just so corny so corny it's and it it it does feel like a guy who's not a vegan being like, this is the kind of shit they like.

Exactly.

That's exactly what it feels like.

like the vibe of it to me is more of that was like let's just give them like i'm grateful they'll love it you know the names also don't they have nothing to do with what the food actually is so if you're just reading the names on the menu i have no idea what i just read like i have to go through

all of the descriptions but then like now i'm like wait what was the name of that salad i thought i wanted and it like kind of was it reading the menu made me want to just like jump out the window That's a great point.

They're not like puns on ingredients.

Yeah, I have no clue what the I am resourceful is.

I feel tofu riffic.

That's got a tofu base or something.

It's like, it's nothing like that.

There's no connection to it.

You just have to remember what the fuck I am enthusiastic means.

I am tofu rific?

Yeah, I am tofu ricket.

Did they have that?

Abelia, did any thought?

Oh, I can't remember what you got.

I got the I Am Whole, W-H-O-L-E.

Right.

I would have ordered I Am Whole.

Of course.

I am whole.

whole.

It was a very colorful dish, but it was very bland and boring.

And

yeah, kind of like baby food for adults.

You know what?

That's a good point.

Everything needs like seasoning, but I think probably part of this place is like, oh, we're like, oh, we're not going to have any added sodium or whatever.

But like, then you just end up with food that's this

mixing flavor.

Yeah, exactly.

Yeah.

I don't know.

I mean, I feel like sweet greens does.

basically what this does.

That's another thing.

If you want to, you can get a vegan meal from sweet green, that'd be way better than anything you get from Cafe Gratitude and cheaper.

Although I'm kind of worried about Sweet Greens.

There's one two blocks from my apartment in Ohio.

And it's like,

they opened one in Ohio, and then the next month their big menu item was ranch.

Oh, no.

I think we got a hold of the sweet greens people.

We should get to our final thoughts on Cafe Gratitude.

Brian, do you know how this works?

Well, just a refresher.

We'll each go around.

We'll give a closing argument on this chain and give it a score from zero to five forks.

You are our guest seated to my left.

We'll begin with you.

Your thoughts, your fork score on Cafe Gratitude.

I'm going to have, I'll give it two forks.

Yeah.

But only because I ate the late, I ate waffles and pancakes and they were good, but they were just waffles and pancakes.

And I would give it maybe one and a half because like the, the, the,

the stuff in the jar was good.

Like I would just buy the jar and eat it.

I was very happy with the jar.

The jar did look good.

I wish you got to try it on the waffles.

I felt bad.

No, it was fine.

Like I'll say one and a half because it's not good at all.

But

I got very inoffensive stuff.

Yeah, I think you were pretty savvy with your order.

I looked at everything else and said, I'll never eat any of this stuff.

Like I was like, because I told you.

Yeah.

I got the email that we were doing Cafe Gratitude and I was like talking to my wife and daughter and she was like, oh my god my daughter like knew the place yeah and that's like it must have there must be some tick tock thing going on with it because you said it's not really cool anymore no but how would a 20 like my daughter's 20 and lives in Ohio and was like oh that's the place that's the I am

happy bowls it's gross I would not be surprised if it's spread online for because of the it's it's obnoxious menu naming convention but I think also there's an element of like like this place like squirrel which is another hyper local LA chain that I feel like had like has some national awareness so much better squirrel is better than this but squirrel had the the the the mold a moldy jam

and it still is so much fucking better than that mold tasted good give me give me the squirrel squirrel at least has like edible stuff i think because it's so notoriously expensive and also has some scandals associated with it i think that's partly why it's like there's some maybe some awareness outside the city i think a lot of people also like outside of LA like hear about a place like cafe gratitude and they're like that sounds about right exactly because I grew up, I used to say, I don't know why I said this.

I grew up in Ohio.

I never really left when I was a kid.

And I used to be like, I think I'm more like a New York kind of guy.

You know,

I take the LA, I don't need that LA bullshit.

I just remember saying that when I'd been to neither place.

Then when I finally did, I was like, I think I like the LA bullshit.

Like, I like LA a lot more than I like New York because weather.

But I just remember thinking, like, there's this California thing where it's like, that menu wouldn't seem so weird.

It would seem weird to me.

Like, everything out here seems like when you don't, when you've never been here, you don't live here, everything seems like weird and like hippie-dippy.

And you're like, I don't like that shit.

This is like, this is like the outsider's perspective on LA.

You're, you're right.

Like, it's like, you think of a place like Cafe Gratitude.

If they made diehard today, Bruce Willis, the, the, you know, he comes to LA.

He's like, what the fuck is this town?

He'd like end up at a Cafe Gratitude or something.

Like, what the fuck?

You know what I mean?

Like, like, they're like, it's, it's a kind of thing of what's going on die hard what the is this town

welcome at cabinet graduate what the is this place die hard where the guy just goes to bad restaurant

i hate this it's like presented as like hey that you know symbolic of this culture clash but like like we were saying earlier like there's a lot of you know la also has a place like uh uh like you know dinus fried chicken or the pantry or or you know uh

or Bloodso's BBQ or Roscoe's or Fat Burger.

Like all those places that have, that are just like fucking delicious.

All these fucking places we could have gone.

Yeah.

Oh, I'd go nuts for Fat Burger.

I get it every time I come here.

And most of the time, like, wasn't that good, but then I get it.

I'm like, I remember liking that.

Fat Burger is

pretty locational dependent.

We should revisit Fat Burger because we haven't been since then.

We could have done it today.

We should go now.

Yeah, Fat Burger, In N Out.

I get In N Out every time, but I don't, I think it's good.

Yeah.

But I don't think I think it's as special.

You were saying weird.

You were saying Ohio is not as much of a, or at least columbus is not as much of a burger place there isn't like a local oh like burger place the instant obviously the whole wendy's the instant wendy's yeah there's there's all the the big institution there is called thurman's thurman's and it is uh huge i hate huge burgers like the it's like the thick oh yeah big huge burger and like I like smash burgers like basically exclusively.

If I go somewhere and they don't have it, I don't get it.

There was a place

that was like a pop-up called el royale or something and they were it's corny it was like a quentin tarantino thing and yeah cheeseburgers but they were really good they were like using wagyu beef and stuff like that and uh that was good but it's gone now but yeah thurman's has like

really thick big burgers and it's just not that good.

It's like eating a fucking meatloaf.

Right.

Meatloaf is good too.

I'm not saying that.

But it's like eating a meatloaf between two pieces of bread and and it just isn't.

I don't, I don't like it.

And that's the only place I can really think of.

Like, I grew up going to Fudruckers as like the top highest level.

I wish they had it here.

I wish they had it at there was one up in Burbank and it's and it's gone now.

Yeah, they closed like two LA Fud Ruckers like since the pandemic.

All right, Mitchie, your thoughts on that.

It's funny you say that because the fat, you like fat burger, but fat burger isn't thick.

It's just kind of like a big patty.

It's a big patty.

Yeah, it's not as I think like it's novel.

I think if I lived here, I'd never have it.

I don't eat too much, of them, but I don't, I haven't had In N Out as long as I've had fat burger, probably, which I should.

I like both of them.

Yeah, yeah, I don't mind in and out.

I don't like the fries, but like, I don't, I think it's pretty good.

And I don't eat any.

If I order a burger ever, I get rid of the special sauce.

I like hate special sauce.

Oh, wow.

I don't like mayonnaise.

And special sauce is always just something with mayonnaise.

Wait, so you're saying you don't like eggs.

So that extends to mayonnaise, and then that also extends to mayonnaise-based dressings.

Yeah, mayonnaise grosses me out.

Like, I remember, i have like a really weird like nightmare vision of like mayonnaise in a sweaty jar like you see like if you go to a barbecue and they put the mayonnaise on the table for the burgers and stuff yeah and it's that sweaty jar it's just disgusting to me to even i find mayonnaise to be oh

i love the stuff yeah i mean it actually sweaty sweaty jar of mayonnaise is probably why both of these hosts have been described at some point in their lives everybody i grew up with loved it We would go to rallies, which I don't think you guys had.

We have

no.

Oh, no, we have rallies.

We have

checkers we don't have.

And when we would order, they would order everybody's at the same time, and it would be Big Buford with just cheese and mayonnaise.

And I hated it, but they would always get it for me.

The Big Buford.

Yeah, Big Buford.

They had a Western burger, but my friends were like, it's too hard to order one of those.

You know, you got to get everything the same.

So I had to like scrape off the mayonnaise all the time of that.

And I just found it.

And they get whoppers with, I mean, they just didn't eat vegetables.

They didn't want to eat vegetables on their burger.

They just were mayonnaise and cheese.

So it was like all the guys I grew up with, that was like their thing.

Burger King might have been my, my, my segue into my segue, my, uh, what is it?

What is it?

My, uh, you know what I'm saying?

What are you trying to say?

My, my doorway into gateway drug of, of, uh, of like

burgers with lettuce.

Because the whopper for me, I was like, oh, I like the tomatoes and onions on this burger.

Look, I am cranky

today.

And I'm saying, with this restaurant, that would be how I went into this review.

I'm cranky.

It's been a long week.

I just don't, I wasn't excited about this restaurant.

And you know what?

It fucking sucked.

It was bad.

I'm not, I wasn't happy after we ate it.

We're, look, we're also doing some munch madness stuff right now.

And that has been a pain in the ass.

But I was like, I'd rather just take bites of that fucking bullshit today than eat the, like, you know what I mean?

Like, we've eaten it already so much, but I'd rather just have other, I'd rather eat another fucking cheesy gourd eat a crunch or whatever.

Of course I would.

This place.

It sucks for so many reasons that you've already listed.

And I, I, I, I can't, if you're a vegan, I think that you would, there's probably things to have here.

And it's an option to go and have it.

But for me, it's one and a half forks.

Fuck Cafe Gratitude.

Fuck that place.

It's

Amelia would have had to, if you went and picked it up, you would have had to sale that bullshit to them.

Is that true?

They do.

I did have it.

Yeah, I mean, people just order it online, but I remember when it.

It seems like delivery is like their thing now.

They do a lot of that.

Okay.

Right.

I, I do remember when I was, I was working at Funny or Die, and it was an open floor plan.

And one of the producers called in an order and was just like, you know, yeah, I'll take an I am caring.

And like the whole fucking, everyone in the office just laughed at him to the point where that he had to apologize over the phone to the guy, Cafe Gratitude.

So yeah, they do abide by that.

I mean, I think that that's obnoxious in itself.

Whatever.

If there was, if, if still, like, at its heart, this place was authentic, like I felt like, you know what?

These are well-meaning hippies who are a little bit, you know, a little bit out there.

They're a little bit kooky.

They're a little bit annoying.

But this comes from a place of earnestness.

This comes from a place of

like, we really do believe in plant-based food and

that's our ethos.

And we do believe in people, you know, being mindful and having self-esteem.

And we want to have that come across in our menu.

Like, if that was really where this came from, then I'd be like, you know what?

I can kind of roll my eyes a little bit, but I'm fine with it, whatever I think of the food.

But I don't feel like that's what's at the heart of this concept.

I feel like this is a really

just calculated thing to try to get a certain demographic and sort of be like, hey, we're on your side.

Give us your money, you know?

And I do feel like the people who are behind this chain are the same sort of aging hippies who have just like, you know, we were talking napalm earlier, just like dropped napalm over the country and then just, you know, retired to their

to their estates because they were just like, like, whatever, we don't give a shit.

Like we were hippies, we aged into,

you know, rich Republicans and we got ours and we don't give a shit.

Like like that, that's all this was about.

I just don't feel like,

I don't think there's anything sincere behind this.

And again, you know, but you mentioned Chick-fil-A earlier.

It's like,

I feel like it's the same sort of thing from from a different angle, but it's the same sort of like this place, what they're doing seems

actively destructive.

And it seems like this company, this company has like some,

this company has some like, you know, just shitty things in terms of its, of its business practices.

And honestly, I'd rather work for Chick-fil-A than work for Cafe Gratitude because it seems like that's a better situation for an employee.

I think the food was pretty bad today.

It was not as terrible as I thought, but because I overall just kind of just

don't like this place and I don't like that it exists

and I wish failure upon it, I'm going to go one fork.

I think this is a one fork watch.

Wow, you're a boss than us.

I also, I think you both got like an entree that was like actual food is the other thing.

Yeah.

You know what?

It reminds me weirdly, it reminds me of like when I was growing up, like cartoons

you would watch were just made by guys that were like sitting in a room smoking cigarettes.

Right.

You're like, ah, who cares?

It's fucking toys.

And like, I think of that, it's the same cynical kind of behavior.

Very cynical.

Yes.

That's the right word.

Yes, for sure.

That now they're like, oh, these fucking vegans, they love mindfulness.

All right.

Sucks.

A broken play club or is that right?

Yeah, it's in the broken play club.

Broken play club.

Sub two forks all around.

Hey, that was our review of Cafe Gratitude.

It's time for a segment.

I've got some food-related jingles, and Mitch and Brian must determine which year they came out.

It's another edition of Jingle All the Way, spelled W-H-E-Y.

Wow.

Music compiled as always by the Drop King, Robert Persinger, who, Mitch, I have a new nickname for

King of the Jingle.

I like it.

He preps Jingle All the Way, King of the Jingle.

King Jing.

King Jing.

King Jing is in the chaik area.

They're going to mail you guys chake.

Yeah, but you're going to mail.

Please mail us chake.

We're sorry for our TikTok where we tried chike.

We thought

it like like worries you because it's also like a fitness brand yes yeah

the rules of jingle all the way the closest guess without going over wins a point if you guess the year exactly you get two points that's the art and marine rule if the game ends in a tie the guest wins that's the mitch kenna rule if the second guesser can guess a movie from the first guesser's year correctly they get a point that's the murder brian rule which you can only do once per game And on top of that, if you can also make the movie guess a food pun that doesn't have to be explained, you get an extra point.

That's the Zach Cherry rule since our last time playing this game.

That also can be done once per game.

Cape Burlant holds the record for most points with nine and is a lone member of the Jingle All the Way Hall of Fame, which I forgot existed.

And again, from Columbus, Ohio's own Wendy's.

That's the source of today's jingles.

Let's play the first one.

So wait, hold on.

You guess a movie from the year that it came out?

Yes, you guessed the movie from the year.

So like I say.

You say the answer and then we guess the movie.

Yes, exactly.

I say...

I think you guessed the year from the

movie from from the year the other person guessed.

I guess 2024, and then you can guess Amelia Perez.

And then if I want to get an extra point, I can say Emil M-E-A-L

Perez.

Yeah, exactly.

So that's both rules matching.

Okay, great.

Okay, great.

All right.

Here comes the first one.

Wait, you can do that after that?

No, I can't do it.

Okay.

All right, whatever.

We'll figure this out as we go along.

If you can also make the guess a food pun as you make your guess,

that's what you have to do.

Yeah.

But you're guessing on the other person's year.

Yeah.

Okay.

Okay, here we go.

Let's play.

Let's play this first Wendy's jingle.

Wendy's has the taste.

And triple.

Hamburgers fresh, not frozen.

We have the taste.

So let the others have their slogans.

Wendy's makes them fresh each day.

Serves them up to you hot off the grill.

The way a good restaurant will

have the taste.

Wendy's has the taste.

Wendy's old-fashioned hamburger taste.

We have the taste.

Wendy's taste.

We have the taste.

God, man, we used to make things in this country.

That's so good.

Those burgers looked really good.

They looked really fucking.

They looked very un-Wendy's.

Like, they looked that

was good as hell.

All right, who wants to go first?

Brian, I'll give you the option to go first or second.

I'll say 1981.

So you go first, you'll say 1981.

That's your guess.

If you had said 1982, I would have said

eat tea.

But you said 1981, so I'm not, I should know 1981 movies.

But

I'm going to say, I'm going to be a real asshole and say 1982.

Mitch,

you went in the wrong direction.

Unfortunately, you're both over.

This 1980 was the year when he has the taste.

Yeah.

We were close.

All right.

No one gets a point.

Next up,

your choice.

When these are old-fashioned hamburgers, there comes Jordan just for you.

Your choice.

We'll beat your hamburgers, however you say.

Your choice.

256 different ways.

Use a single, a quarter pound, a double, a half pound, a triple, three-quarter pounds of meat.

Your choice.

Where quality is a recipe.

For audio listeners, that was an animated spot.

Definitely, you know, looks like I mean, that looks like a transfer from film.

So that maybe gives you some sense of when this was made.

Cinema.

I mean, again, Wages, your first comment fits here, too.

We used to be a country.

Yeah, I know.

I'm going to go with

this one.

It was the animated burgers and animated Wendy.

There was a lot of cigarette smoking guys who came up with that thing, I'm sure.

I'm going to say

1975.

1975 for the Spoon Man.

Which you can't.

I said a big movie year.

I feel bad because I was always playing to say 1974.

Oh, really?

That's okay.

Always from the beginning.

I thought you were going to say four, and I was like, damn, I got a couple of things.

1975.

But also, if you want to do our movie rule, you can guess a movie.

But you only do that once per game.

You can only do it once per game.

Yeah, I probably shouldn't do that on 75.

There's a big one from 75.

Probably like the Godfather, the Godfather's Pizza.

I'm not going to push you into it.

You should do one that you know.

We'll give you a mulligan on that one, and we will give Mitch two points because that was 1975.

He got it on the dot.

Jaws was the movie I was thinking from 1975.

Oh, and that's already a food pun.

Yeah.

What do you say?

What do you say?

Big Jaws?

What the fuck do you say?

I think it's Big Jaws.

Big jaws?

Big jaws.

Chewing jaws.

What the fuck?

How do you make jaws a pun?

Jaws breaker.

Jaws breaker is pretty good.

Jaws breaker.

Thank you.

Thank you.

I mean, the rule master who knows the answers.

All right.

Okay, next up, this is a spot called Your Wendy's Kind of People.

You want something better, yeah?

You won't take second best.

You want it delicious.

For you, there's nothing less than Wendy's hot and juicy and we're yours fresh off the grill.

Nothing else will satisfy you.

Like Wendy's will, that's why you're Wendy's

kind of people.

You want something better, you're Wendy's kind of people.

Wow.

It's amazing that all these jingles are bangers and we don't even have the hot drinks one on here, which is the like the all-timer.

If we want to look over up over there, everyone want to see if we can pull up the Wendy's hot drinks jingle for later, but you know, this was this one apparently features Rita Wilson.

I didn't see Rita Wilson in there, really?

Spotted her.

Can you zoom through that again?

I want to see, I want to see Rita Wilson here.

You got any Rita in there?

That's not her.

No, oh, there she is.

Yes, she's a cheerleader.

Look at that.

Wow.

Look at that.

A young Rita Wilson.

Wow.

There you go.

All right.

Young Tom Hanks's eyes were.

Right?

Isn't that who?

Isn't that?

Is it Rita Wilson?

Yeah, it's Tom Hanks.

Yeah.

Was this when they were dating?

I wonder.

No.

I don't think so.

I don't think so.

I'm going to say 1983 because Where's the Beef?

It's like

1984 or 5 area.

So I'm going to say 1983 again.

1983.

I said 83 once, but 1983.

Now it looks 80s to me.

I'm not, I'm not, this isn't my answer, but would I say

are you trying to guess a movie?

Yes.

Okay.

Are you trying to come up with a movie pun as you guess it?

Yeah, I was trying to come up with

Return of the

I'm not.

This is not my answer.

Okay.

But I was trying to think of a pun for Return of the Jedi.

Return of the Bread Eye.

Return of the Bread Eye is really good.

But I'm, but I'm wondering, is Return of the Jedi 1984?

I don't know.

Anyway, I'm going to, I'm just not going to do it.

And I'm gonna say,

fuck, where's the beef?

Is a great point, but were they just running similar?

I'm gonna go a little later.

I'm gonna say 1980 based on Rita Wilson.

That's also something to think of.

Yeah, Rita Wilson.

I just kept thinking about that like rich-looking guy in the middle with the gray hair.

It's definitely 80s.

You can tell that people are fucking.

Well, people fucked in the 80s.

Yeah,

people fucked in the 70s.

It's a little cokeier, I guess.

You can tell the thing, the 80s have taken, the 80s have come around.

They invented fucking in 72.

I'm going to go

1985.

1985 is the guess.

You both overshot it.

1982.

I knew it was the year of my birth.

1982.

Jaws.

1982.

Yeah.

Okay, next D.

No one gets a point there.

No one gets a point there.

It's still 2-0, Mitch.

Next up.

1992 is my birth year.

This is the good stuff, is the name of this ad

gasoline.

Wendy's new big classic hamburger.

This is my good stuff.

The soft Kaiser bun, the fat tomatoes.

This is the good stuff.

The fresh toppings, the fresh beef.

Oh, they got it in Canada for Wendy's new big classic.

One bite, one taste, one look, you'll see.

This is the one day.

Wendy's new big classic.

I'm trying to remember to place the, and I know I'm not playing, but I'm trying to place the big classic.

I was a big bacon classic.

That was my

sanguinch.

Oh, I like the big bacon classic, too.

Do they not

have a big bacon classic anymore?

No, no classics.

The classic's gone, but I'm trying to remember the introduction to the big classic.

That's the thing.

I forget.

Baconator.

They just are, they put all their eggs in the the baconator basket.

I got nothing against a baconator, but it's just bring back the big bacon classic.

Yeah, they should.

They should.

Come on.

They also, they're pissed off what you just did there.

Wendy's has gotten too fancy with their sandwiches where they're just like, like, we've got our new, you know,

that's fancier than the baconator.

No, no, what I mean is they're, they're putting too many components on things.

They're like, we got our new ghost pepper, spicy jack.

You know, it's like, it's like, you're doing, like, stop doing all this fancy shit.

It's fake, though.

It's like Pringles.

You know what I mean?

It's so fucking good.

I don't need SpongeBob Collab.

Is this me?

Which the creator didn't even want.

Yes, you're first this time.

I think this is the first.

I think this is the same year Crystal Clear Pepsi came out.

It feels so similar.

I'm going to say 1990 exactly.

Mitch says 1990.

I'm going to say 1992.

1992 is the guess.

It might be a little late.

I thought you meant 1990 also.

And I was like, I don't think you can.

I wish.

So this one's maybe a little bit hard to crack because for our audio listeners, so much of what we were seeing there was just close-ups of food.

So there weren't a lot of necessarily, you know, like super clear in indicators of chronology.

This one actually came out in 1986.

So again, you both overshot.

Wow.

Whoa, that's way earlier.

Yeah, we're doing really bad.

It's two to zero.

You have one more, one more opportunity to still win one's game.

Yep.

All right.

This is nine for 99 cents.

New baked cheeseburger tastes so fine.

Winnie's got nine for 99.

I ain't telling you no lies.

Big and drink and big and fries.

Cherry chicken up and starting solid to go.

Wendy's got $9 for $99.

Large frosty baked for daytime.

Wendy's got $9 for $99.

And don't forget the new double cheeseburger.

Introducing a great value from Wendy's.

Nine big menu items for 99 cents each.

Every day.

Wendy's got $9 for $99.

Biggie-sized fries in there, looking.

Ah, what a 99 cents menu that was.

That little boy doing that deep voice would have been the funniest thing in the world to me when I was a kid.

One of the funny things.

Anytime I saw something.

That was so funny.

Yeah.

Yeah.

So, so there's, there's the moment where that bass voice comes in.

Um, that is like a, they had a little boy voicing that.

It's great.

Uh, oh, who's first this time?

Mitch.

It's Mitch again.

Oh, no, is it?

Oh, damn.

I'm going to say.

Yeah, you started, so it would be back to you, Brian.

I'm going to say

19,

I'm just going to say 1992 again.

No, that's a little 1987.

1987 is your guess.

Fuck, I got to.

First of all, I got gotta,

I gotta, I haven't guessed a movie.

Do you have, like, I have trouble remembering specific years?

87.

I don't know.

1987.

I'm gonna say

for 1987.

All right, Mitch is, I think, crafting a, either trying to decide what movie you're going to say and or crafting a food-related pun.

It's a combo of the two.

Okay, I've got IMDB open so I can verify the release year when you're ready.

Man, I don't know.

This is hard because I just off the top of my,

1987.

I'm going to go with

did Predator come out this that year?

87?

Pred Eater.

Oh.

Your guess is Pred Eater.

And

do you have a year you're going to guess for the movie, for the ad itself?

The ad I'm going to guess is

you said 1992?

1987.

Oh, I liked your guess of 1992.

I'm going to go 1994.

The rap is just a little too 80s for me, but Brian gets a point because this came out in 1990.

Yeah, I think it was, I think it's the kind of thing, Brian, where it's like, yeah, the rap is very 80s, but like these things always lag behind a little bit by the time ads caught up to it.

So, Brian gets a point there.

Mitch, you do not get a point for the year,

but you get two points for your Pawn on Predator 1987's film that you call Predator.

Wow, well done.

Mitch wins four to one.

A spirited contest.

Can we play this hot drinks one a little bit?

This is a Wendy's ad that I love.

Is this an ad?

I'm sorry, this is a training video from 1989.

Coffee decafit and hot drinks.

Oh, like a thank you.

Those are the hot drinks that you sense so get said.

Hot cups come into sizes.

Small and large to fill as the need arises.

Coffee's holding time, it's 30 minutes, that's so long.

It can stay there before it sucks, it tastes too strong.

Hot, hot, careful when you pour it.

Hold it steady upon the counter, let it sit.

Pour it in until the coffee reaches the line.

Pop a top on a gasoline.

Every time Wendy's coffee tastes so fine,

hot drinks really get you going.

World you up when you till you're slowing.

Wendy's,

It's good.

It's good as well.

Thank you for pulling that up, Alan.

That is, that's really great.

Also, that, like, can you imagine sitting in your training at Wendy's and they just slap that on?

Yeah.

All right, coffee.

I worked at McDonald's for a period of time, and I remember their videos being really funny, but they left me in the room by myself.

So I just kind of fell asleep.

Like, I accidentally got hired at McDonald's it was like my first job I was being a dick I was 16 and I was at lunch and McDonald's was there like having people fill out applications at the school I was like I'm gonna go make fun of these guys I was like hey you guys work at McDonald's and stuff like that and they're like here's an application you're hired

okay well now we're McDonald's I know another fast food or another chain restaurant job you had is a chain that we recently reviewed with our buddy Griffin Newman but I know you worked at Chuck E.

Cheese did how long did you work at Chuck E.

Cheese for About a year.

Yeah.

And

was part of your job correct was tracking how many kids entered and left?

Yes, I did kid check.

I'm so bad at it.

And they shouldn't, they shouldn't put a 16-year-old

guy that does drugs at 16 and smokes.

I was taking smoke breaks at Chuck E.

Cheese when I was 16 years old.

And they were like, yeah, you're in charge of like stamping people's hands.

Jesus.

So that kids leave with the same parents every time.

And I was like, nothing bad ever happened, right?

Nothing bad ever happened.

I just gave everybody the same number.

Yeah.

Like, I never changed the number.

I just, everybody that went in there, because it was blacklight.

Yeah.

So you couldn't even see it.

So I just never gave anybody a different number.

And then when they made me leave, and I'd be like, oh, let me see.

Oh, yeah, go ahead.

You know what I mean?

I like never really paid attention.

I did that.

I'm like, very

with jobs with me, I'm so bad at working.

Yeah.

Like, I get like, I ended up doing Chucky most of the time when i was you were wearing the mascot suit yeah because it it

you more time smoking because like chucky is only out there for 15 minutes an hour right so you go back into the back room you smoke cigarettes for 40 minutes and then you go back in with the chucky costume back on and yay you know and go back and smoke some more

I did the same when I was so funny to me that you you could have been the man inside of like a child for me like as a child yeah I got beat up the first time i did it it was not i didn't get beat i could have beat those kids up they weren't like tough yeah but they were punching the out of me and the manager came and was like this doesn't happen all the time

i only saw it happen one other time they they a bunch of kids jumped on this girl and that was in the truck costume start fighting we get her back in the back room the guy's like i didn't get my chucky time uh He needs to come out and take a picture with my kids by the limo.

They took a limo to Chuck E.

Cheese.

Oh, my God.

So they made me put the costume on and go out and stand with the guy whose kids just beat up

by the limo but yeah i did that because it was the least amount of work i also fixed games like i'm actually

that'd be a job i could go back to probably just in the game room just un just fixing games playing them like oh i'm testing skee ball i got real good at screen ball when i worked there that's awesome and uh the basketball i'm not good now yeah yeah because i'm just gonna you get a lot of reps yeah i was well it was right next to the kid kid check stand.

You just do that the whole time.

We played.

It was broken, though.

Well, because I was going to say,

I almost said the great outdoors for my 1987 movie, and it was 1988.

Wow, yeah.

Good you went with Predator.

I want to give you a few other ones that are that year.

Okay, great.

Full meal toll jacket.

Pretty good.

You're not getting points for this now.

No, no, no.

Hamburger Hill, which I guess doesn't even need a

Hamburger Hill per.

That's good.

That's good.

Can we give points?

Yeah, Bran gets a point.

Branch is another point.

Vinod, update the wiki.

Good morning, Vietnam, Nom Nom.

That's really good.

The Lost, The Empire of the Bun.

Fun.

All right, that's it.

Christian Bale's first movie.

Christian Bale's first movie.

He's just a little boy in that movie.

Yeah.

But a lot of good 87 movies, I didn't realize.

Bill Clinton would have liked Bill Clinton Devlin.

Just like a restaurant fire feedback.

Let's have a feedback.

We have a voicemail today.

I don't know if we can play that.

We do.

Give me one second.

Wow, a voicemail.

What an auditory experience it is today.

Auditory?

Auditory experience?

I feel like a lot of times

when we have an audio game, we'll end up with

an audio feedback since we're using the

speakers anyway.

I'd love to get a voicemail for guys.

I'm sure we'd get the nastiest stuff of all.

You should try it.

A guy just fucking farting in a hotel room.

A guy's farting or

accusing me of being a swinger.

All right, here's your voicemail.

Hey, Doughboys, this is Andy from Austin.

I was just wondering, so back in college, at Ithaca College, in fact,

I did some delivery for Sammy's for a little while.

Wow.

And at one point, I was delivering a bunch of food and included in that food was a linguini and clam sauce.

And trying to get into my car, it fell off my stack of stuff and it spilled all over my car.

And it was one of the worst smelling things I think I could ever spill in my car.

Thankfully, I drive a Honda Element and I could wash out the floorboard, but it still stunk for a few days.

I had to go back in, get a new Linguine clam sauce.

It was just a mess.

So anyway, just wanted to know, have you guys ever had an experience like this where you spilled something in like your car or your house, you couldn't get the smell out?

Or what do you think would be a terrible thing to spill?

Again, thanks so much for all the good times and all the good listens.

And

go bombers.

Go bombers.

Go bombers.

I think it would be horrible to spill diarrhea in you.

Yeah, I'd be Jesus Christ, I'm a mess.

My bucket.

Oh, I spilled my bucket of diarrhea.

The customer's going to be so mad.

I'm going to go back and get more diarrhea from the kitchen.

Andy from the middle of the day.

Sammy's wife.

A place Amelia and I have both frequently.

It was Sammy's, reminded me of Smi'mi's Pizza Pizza

Slices.

I remember they moved locations when I went there last because it used to be right on that corner there.

It's in the commons now.

And it's now in the commons.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

But

it was in the commons technically still, but it just moved over.

And my friend Dank and Luke used to like, you could steal slices from out from under the glass.

They're scumbags.

I love them both.

Yeah, Dank and Dank.

Come on, Dank.

Dank and Pooh.

There was Dank and Pooh.

I feel like Dank and Poove would get along famously with your friend Porno Sean.

Porno Sean, what's wrong?

I don't know.

Do they collect porno?

They definitely watched the store.

No, no, they're not.

Porno Sean thought that the way you open a store is buy a lot of porno.

I'm sure they liked, they roomed together too, though.

There you go.

We used to go to the video store and he would go back in the porno room and he would come out with like a ton of porno.

I was like, how much porno do you need?

And he was like, I'm opening up an adult bookstore over by Buckeye Lake.

There's none there.

I was like, That's not how you open up a store shelf.

No, porno Sean.

Porno Sean seems to be even more fucked up than

yeah.

He's a very stupid man.

He was the toughest guy I knew, though.

Oh, sure.

He was the guy that stuck up for me and stuff like that.

So, but he did collect a lot of porno.

I remember Pooh beat the hell out of someone in the comments one, a guy who was being an asshole right in front of Sammy's, kind of close to it.

At least this is Poof I met, or I can't remember if this is the same Pooh.

You met, you met, I think you met Pooh.

Yeah, you did.

You met Pooh.

That Poove?

Yeah.

Okay.

Pooh's the man.

Who's the other Poof?

Joe Aranda.

Did you meet Pooh?

The lineup creator, basically.

The guy who introduced me to the lineup.

Maybe I haven't met that Poof.

I've only met one of them.

Maybe you have.

Yeah, I don't know if you have.

Anyway, so the...

A great, a great, that's Ithaca's big slice shop.

What was the other one?

Sammy's.

Remember, there was another one next to Sam's.

It's probably gone by the time you were there.

Ithaca Pizza.

Yeah, probably I think it's Ithaca.

You know what?

For someone who spills as much as I do, in fact, earlier I was, Emma stopped me because I was walking in the studio carrying all three of these drinks at once.

The open

water, the coffee, the smoothie, it was going to go.

You saw what was about to happen.

So you stepped in.

But for someone who spills as much as I do, I can't think of a notable spill in my car.

But part of that is because I'm very cautious in the car of making sure I have like a sealed container.

Like I I know what's going, I, you know, I know I could potentially dump this thing all over.

So I always have like, even before I had like a Yeti, I had something like that, you know, some sort of tumbler or I get a drink from

a restaurant.

Like I'm keeping the fucking lid on and using the straw or whatever.

I did have a moment on tour.

I think this might have been actually when we were in the Midwest, maybe even in Ohio, but I got a coffee from a gas station and then I was, I did, I had the lid off to

cool it down.

And I was just sitting in the back seat next to Carl with like an open coffee.

And he was like, Nick, what are you doing?

Carl scared his life.

I mean, he's right.

Yeah.

Did you spill it or no?

I didn't spill it, but I immediately put the lid back on.

He was like, I've spilled a lot of coffee in my car, like lattes, because like I'm buying them for three, you know, when you go for me, the wife, and the daughter, there's not enough cup holders.

So one of them has to, you get a cup.

I guess I, you have to get a drink holder and then put it on the seat next to you.

Yeah, that's the move, I guess.

Yeah, but the place by my house, both exits, you're cutting across traffic and it's a busy street.

They're both busy streets.

So you basically have to just slam on the gas and turn as fast as you can.

Oh, man.

I've spilled so many lattes in the car doing that.

Now I kind of put my hand over like it's a baby or something.

Yeah, yeah.

And even though there are cup holders in the backseat, there are cup holders in the backseat.

I'm too stupid to use those.

I should definitely do that.

That's for me, I'm thinking of like queso or something spilling in your car.

Oh, yeah, some sort of gross food.

My cup of queso spilled in the car.

That is, I'm like, some sort of cheesy,

like a,

I mean, I don't spill too much in my car.

The reason the issue I'll have is I'll leave a drink in my cup holder for too long and it just goes through the bottom of it.

Oh, yeah, yeah.

I was when we were road tripping, I was driving and I opened, I tried to open a kombucha and it was like we were highway on the highway, and I just like opened it, but it had been shaken up too much, and it like exploded, like sprayed kombucha all over.

I caught most of it with myself, but like I was soaked with kombucha, and it didn't end up smelling that bad, but I was really scared that it was just gonna reek of fermented tea for weeks.

Or kombucha strands, yeah, that'd be nasty.

My wife likes to bring a cooler with her, like with bubble waters in it, and that thing leaks every single time.

Like every time it's in the car, she's like, the floorboards are wet, and it's like, no fucking shit.

Coolers leak.

Like they all do.

They don't make them.

Well, I guess Yetis probably don't, but yeah.

That is my road trip cooler.

Is Yeti cooler?

Yeah, it doesn't leak.

No, ours are like $5

because I'm cheap.

And I'm don't.

Well, I love expensive stuff.

I just haven't gone the Yeti route yet.

Coolers, I feel like every cooler I've had has just been like, I've just got, like, I don't even remember where I got this.

It was like the cheapest piece of shit.

And yeah, it absolutely you put any ice in there it's leaking all over the place uh i i will i i what you were just talking about emma i feel like that's like a pretty

that feeling of like i'm gonna spill on my couch or whatever i'm gonna spill in my car and like so i'm trying to catch it on my own body and clothes like that's not a great feeling but i can very much relate to it driving for the next six hours like soaking wet right kombucha i've definitely done that a number of times linguinian clams is pretty bad that's fucking there's nothing to get yeah like like seafood and dairy like that's that's just an absolutely disgusting thing to have.

I've had like drying in your car.

I've had like my pants soaked from like Diet Coke spilling on me and shit.

Yeah, sure.

And that is bad.

I mean, like, if you have a sticky thing that spills on you, it's bad, but it's also like, whatever.

That happens a lot of the time.

It sucks to be in the middle of the day.

Wendy's when my car got malfunctioned with my mom and it almost crushed us.

That was obviously one thing that, but, like, I haven't spilled too much grossing, but seafood is pretty bad.

And I think just like chunky shit that would fall on your floor.

What was the, I'm trying to, it was one of the, it was like one of the French chains that we went to, or maybe it was Panero.

Le Petit Quiditan or whatever.

Was that, yeah, Le Pan Cuitidian?

Yeah, I don't remember what it was.

Yes.

I, so I was reading that though, the, the weirdest spill I had in my car was still when I had a baguette and I dropped it somewhere in my car and I never found it.

What the fuck happened to that baguette?

No idea.

Do you even still have that car?

Yeah.

It might still be in there.

It might still be in there, like deep under the seat.

I think it's also possible that at some point it just like fell out of the door or something like that.

But I just like, I just, again, it was, I said on the podcast, but I never thought a man could lose a bag yet until it happened to me.

Clam chowder.

Yeah.

That would be a pretty bad one.

Clam chowder would be awful.

That's like Linguine and clams.

Yeah, same difference.

You had the worst one.

Yeah, I think

Andy, I think that's what happened.

That's the worst one.

The very worst, the worst thing that could possibly be spilled in your car happened to your car.

Unless it was a bucket of diarrhea, like you said.

I'd never bring my bucket of diarrhea with me to find a top of it.

Andy spills diarrhea in his car layers.

Oh, man, it still wasn't the best at Linguinian clams.

Would you rather spill linguine clams in your car, have someone barf in your car?

Yeah, that'd be great.

I would rather spill linguinian clams in my car than have someone barf in my car.

100%.

I'd take the barf.

Take the barf?

I'd take the barf.

That I feel like it's like, someone barf in my car, it's whatever.

You know, like, I feel like I can explain that.

Yeah.

And it also, like, I, I just, I feel like I can't explain.

You can explain that you're in linguine and clams spilled in your car, too.

But it is, I mean, I guess it's weird.

It's weirder.

Yeah.

That's a weird thing to say.

I mean, first of all, go bombers.

I'll say that.

Yeah.

But I just, I, I, I don't, I'd rather just have real food.

It would suck, but, and it would smell bad.

And, and thank you for your service, by the way.

Yeah, thank you, Eddie, for doing that.

But Barf is, that's horrible.

If you have a question or comment about the World of Chain Restaurants, you can email us at feedback at birdfuck.com or leave us a voicemail at 830 godo.

That's 830-463-6844.

Our producer is Emma Erdbrink.

Our associate producer is Amelia Marino.

Our supervising video producer is Casey Donahue, and our video editor is Mike Dorfman.

Are you just mad when you spill food?

That's the thing for me.

I'm like, I'm just, I'm mad that I don't get to eat it.

I wasted this thing and it's a fucking mess.

It sucks.

Hey, Doughboys Apparel and Merchandise, Mitch, is available in partnership with Kinship Goods.

Find it over at kinshipgoods.com slash Doughboys.

And hey, you can get the Doughboys double our weekly bonus episode plus our entire pre-2018 back catalog by subscribing at patreon.com slash doughboys.

So check out all that stuff.

Brian Quinby, guys, love this podcast.

Such a fun pod.

Thank you for having me on.

Thank you for having me and Mitch on for Hot Sauce, guys.

Such a hoot.

People should check it out if they haven't already.

But but uh yeah tell everyone about the podcast anything else you want to promote it's guys a podcast about guys it's patreon.com slash

guys podcast and yeah just check it out i mean it's you can usually search got like we've gotten to the point where you can search guys on the podcasting app and it'll come up yeah listen to it there's a lot of episodes a lot of weird stuff we've we've uncovered a lot of weird things uh after you did smart guys you did smart guys with me that was a recent episode i guessed on people can listen to that one people should also listen to the hot Sauce Guys one we did back in the day, and then the Pizza One with Eva Anderson.

But there's a whole book Gabris has been on the pod.

A lot of YKS has been on the pod a bunch.

The Wrestling Guys episode is always really fun because it was like a Royal Rumble.

We had 10 guests.

That one was really fun.

That's great.

It's a really fun one.

Yeah, that's the one I always said to check out.

You had Nick on Smart Guys, like ironically, right?

I did Fart Guys and then Smart Guys, and then the next week I did Tool Guys with Jesse Farrar.

And then this week is Tool Guys the Band with

Wolf Parade.

So

I'm being a goof.

I'm being a

cheeky.

Hey, that'll do it for this episode of Doughboys.

Until next time for the Spoon Man Mike Mitchell, I'm Tiger Weiger.

Happy Eaton.

See ya.

That was a Hitgum podcast.