Munch Madness X: Wendy's VS Jersey Mike's with Lauren Lapkus and Arden Myrin

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Previously on Doughboys.

So this is the tournament of champions of champions.

Oh, okay.

And so this is all the previous winners, everything that's mentioned, and one of those is going to be crowned the ultimate winner.

Okay.

Yeah.

Oh, my gosh.

Ultimate winner.

Oh, my gosh.

I guess.

It could go to our listeners to make them snap them out of listening to our show.

Okay, no, I got it.

Maybe it goes to the original organism that crawled out of the water to start evolution.

Decide whether or not they should keep coming out of the water or stay in the water so that we're all mer people.

Oh my gosh.

A merr.

Oh my gosh.

A merverse.

Wow.

Oh, please, I want the merverse.

2017, NFL players kneel during the national anthem.

President Donald Trump tweets Kofefe, and a Columbus-founded burgery known for its ginger mascot and square patties is crowned as top fast food burgerveyor in Munch Madness chicken fight.

2022, Russia invades Ukraine.

Former Japanese Prime Minister Shinzo Abe is assassinated with a homemade gun, and a Point Pleasant chain founded as Mike's giant submarine shop is designated as best sandwich in Munch Madness Heroes Journey suboptimal.

Now, here in 2025, nothing really noteworthy is happening in the news, but all nine of the previous Munch Madness victors square off in a winner-take-out all Battle of the Buns.

Who will emerge as the champion of champions and be awarded the most prestigious trophy in chain restaurant podcasting, the Dave Thomas Cup?

Which chains fair will be sent to the first life form to emerge from the oceans to persuade them to return underwater and create a mer people utopia?

This week on Doughboys, we begin the quarter-pounder finals of Munch Madness 10, MMX, the tournament of tournament of champions of champions, with the chain named for an individual other than the CEO region, aka the person region, 2017 champion Wendy's versus 2022 champion Jersey Mike's.

Ring the bell.

Welcome to Dough Boys, the podcast about chain restaurants.

I'm Tiger Weiger, along with my co-host, Saustin Butler, the spoon man, Mike Mitchell.

I thought it was going to be Sauce.

Watch!

It's the tournament.

The tournament of chomps.

The tournament of championship.

There's a buzz in the hallways of headgum.

People are talking about it out there.

Yeah, there was definitely a lot of Amelia coming in and saying, with both Wendy's and Jersey Mike saying, it's Munch Madness.

And the hunks going, what's that?

Yes.

So the buzz here is palpable.

And also David Cross being like, what's this podcast?

And And then I hugged him.

I got lettuce on him.

I got lettuce on me.

One of our guests got lettuce on him.

I dumped a whole Frosty on him

trying to hug him.

And he was like, He was like, What?

He's like, You eat this food and then you talk about it.

And we're like, Yeah.

And he said, Thank you for your contributions to the world.

That's what he said.

And then he left.

To society.

To society.

But, Wages, you know what?

Yeah.

This is a contribution to society.

This is important work.

Wow.

Sorry, Mr.

Cross.

This is a huge one, Wages.

This is a big one.

This is the tournament of champions of chompions.

Wow.

This is the 10th tournament of champions, the 10th Munch Madness.

Well, actually, it's the Tournament of Tournament of Champions of Champions.

There's another tournament of in there.

The Tournament of Tournament of Champions of Champions.

This is the 10th Munch Madness.

Munch Madness 2025.

We've done it for 10 years.

Isn't that wild?

Time fly.

Oh, it's amazing.

This is what we've been doing for a decade.

This is just a chunk.

This is just like like a fourth of my life doing this fucking podcast.

Don't put it like that.

Don't put it like that.

I thought I'd give Mitch a chance to be compared to one of our newest hot young movie stars, Spoon Nation for Life, Dan Grema from Warrington, England.

How about that?

Roasted for

you Dan Grema?

Are you worried you're going to not come out a character as Saustin Butler?

Yeah, you look hot right now.

Saustin Butler.

No one's ever said that to me before.

He's literally speechless.

Saustin.

Thank you very much.

That's so sauce.

Thank you very much.

I guess that's going to say.

Okay, Saustin.

Thank you very much.

Oh, thank you.

Thank you very much.

Thank you, Emma.

That's good.

This is why we hung Emma.

To fix us.

To fix our comedy mistakes.

Why didn't you say the obvious?

Watch what a matchup we have today.

Wow.

We sure do.

The 10th anniversary of Munch Madness.

Oh, boy.

The clock has been set.

I'm realizing last year, Mitch.

Counting down?

Sorry, we have 10 seconds.

Mitch, last year, I'm realizing our Munch Madness was in the midst of Austin Butler fever in the aftermath of Dune Part 2.

That's right.

Yeah.

Remember, we had our ongoing bit during that Munch Madness.

That was, of course, our Taco Bell tournament,

Yo Kiero Taco Bell, our running bit of,

what the fuck was it?

Casey, do you remember what that was?

Casey Dooney Hue?

The bit, the Austin Butler bit?

Yeah, it was an Austin Butler bit.

It was a match.

It was Elvis shit.

It was Elvis Elvis Harkin.

Elvis Harkinen.

That's what it was.

Elvis Harkinen, yes.

Do you have something this year like that?

No, not yet.

But we'll figure it out.

Oh, not yet.

Okay.

That's fun.

There's still time.

It's going to be organic.

Yes, it will come organically.

It's going to be organic.

It's going to be organic.

Like Elvis Harkinen did.

That's the magic of the tournament of champions.

And this year it is the tournament of champions, tournament of tournament of champions of chompions.

So the magic is multiplied.

10x, I would say, for the 10th tournament.

Will Koalak make an appearance?

Maybe.

We'll see.

We'll see.

He came over last night for dinner.

Oh, you had the Koalak dinner.

I had a Koalak dinner.

What did you guys have?

I put a plate of cheese on the floor for him.

Awww, that's nice.

That's nice.

You get him out of your drywall.

Oh, it was a trap, I should say.

That's nice.

We ordered Chi Dynasty.

That's what what we ordered.

How fun is that?

That's great.

It was nice.

It was a nice night.

But hey, what special surprise will we have?

Who knows why?

We're going to find out.

But right now, Mitch, I know you got to drop to play because we had a couple guests.

That's right.

Emma, hit him with the drop.

Pearl onion.

Pearl onion.

Yellow.

Yellow.

Whoa, hungry.

Yeah.

That's so cute.

That was cool.

That's so cute.

Hey, Dough team,

here's the fourth drop I'm sending in five days.

Wow.

Yes, I have a lot of time on my hands.

Thanks to the Doughboys crew for helping me

fill it with laughs and for getting my creative juices flowing again.

This one is hot off the presses and uses samples from the Epp that just dropped today with Arden.

She seems to keep you on your best behavior.

Wait, drops today.

Okay, so this is a year ago.

That's so cute.

She seems to keep you on your best behavior.

There weren't nearly as many crim references in this one, which made for a cleaner drop than I'd normally splice together.

Anyway, keep it up and thanks again.

Best, Jonathan in San Francisco.

Well, thanks, Jonathan.

That's what we kept calling each other girl.

I kept calling you girl.

We kept going girl.

I like how I call you girl.

I cannot remember.

I don't remember.

I can't remember.

No, I only recorded like 150 other episodes since that.

That's a great point.

That's a great, great point.

But I do,

that has brought back a memory.

Yeah, I had a flashback.

I just had, I smelled toast and tasted pennies.

It's like I'm having a stroke.

Like I just hear a thing.

I hear tornado, tornado, chompy, I'm chomping, and I'm like,

yeah, I had a toast, pennies, toast.

Cookie puss, I remember.

Cookie puss.

Oh, yeah.

Cookie ass.

Cookie ass, yeah.

Cookie ass.

I remember that.

Okay, girl.

Cookie ass is.

Well, look, we can go down memory lane all we like, but we got some business to get to.

Business.

And we have two guests here today.

Wow.

Two guests.

Fan favorites, but more importantly, host favorites.

That's true.

One of our favorite people to have on the podcast.

Lauren Lapkis and Arden Maureen, both returning to the show.

Thank you both for being here.

What a combo.

Hi, Lauren.

Yay.

What a combo.

This is a combo.

Look, let me just say this.

Part of why we thought of this combo is because Lapkis, you introduced us to Arden.

Oh, wow.

Did you know that?

I don't remember.

Yeah.

But that's great.

That's nice.

Did you stand by that introduction?

Yes.

She knows I like flavors.

Yes.

That is true.

She's always fun, and she's down to do anything.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah.

Down to clown.

But I really like flavors.

You are a lover of flavors.

I'm a lover of flavors.

I hate that stuff.

Oh, boy.

I I hate flavors.

I hate flavors.

Only plain.

Actually, it's kind of true.

I do pretty good flavors.

But I love plain.

I like the ball.

You're talking to the right guy.

Yeah.

Wow.

What's going on, man?

How many episodes do you have to do?

Who is that?

This is his ring camera.

I know what this is.

This is his ring camera.

You're worried about your cats.

And so you have the kitties.

The alerts go through.

Do not disturb.

Someone,

a no-good burglar

broke into.

Are you serious?

Into the.

So there was there.

there I'm my house is my my my house is my my my home yes is connected to three other homes okay and the one on the other end got got broken into got the window smashed

three and he had case he looked at my place and almost it was my place and you saw on the camera or you saw on the camera okay

well it's also one of those things where you're like as an animal lover it's like take my stuff don't take my don't let my animals out i would be like i will give you the key close up and don't let the cats out yeah don't let the cats out.

Don't break a window.

Don't let them cut themselves getting like any of it.

My Nintendo Switch, take it.

But Wally Nirma, the risk of them getting outside.

I know, absolutely.

You don't have to tell me twice.

I'm a maniac.

That's that's so that that is what.

And you know what?

I'm going to take a look.

So, what are you going to do, though?

But what can you do if you see somebody going in?

He's going to talk through the ring and go, hey, get out of here.

Hey, just let's don't let the cats out.

Don't let the cats out.

It's just Wally leaving on his own.

He locked up.

He went to work.

He's a lawyer.

Wally has a job.

Yeah.

Everything is fine.

Everything's fine.

That's good.

Do you know, how often do you get the false alarms?

And have you gotten any real alarms since you've enabled this?

That was a delivery to my house.

Okay.

That was just a delivery already.

So it's only a false alarm.

Yeah.

Well, it's not a false alarm.

That's just an alarm.

An alarm.

Nothing to be alarmed about.

And we talked about this in the podcast before, but like, what is, what if it's a situation?

What if like you're at the movies?

Does it go off in your pocket in the movie theater?

Yeah.

So you're bothering other people's movie experiences for an Amazon delivery.

Look, here's the thing.

He loves his cats.

Yeah, but that's not, you can't be like, oh, my cats.

I think that that

if a phone, this, all it does is that small chimp.

That's not small.

We talked about this for technology.

It's really disruptive.

Yeah.

If I heard that in the movies, I'd be like, oh, and then I would assume I wouldn't hear it again.

But then five minutes later,

how do you know?

What if someone came by again?

I got two lunches delivered or something.

I just did.

I had two people in here.

Maybe I got lunch delivered and I get to eat it after the movie.

It could happen, okay?

Sure, sure.

You love your cats.

You're a very loving cat dad.

I have vibrate.

I keep it on on set, too, by the way.

That's not good.

Yeah.

I feel like it's going to get you into trouble.

Doesn't nobody else have stuff going on where they want their phone to be on?

Get another take.

This one sucked, anyways.

Do a new one.

Who cares?

Yeah, they love that.

People are.

It was just my postmate.

Do it again.

Yeah, can't you have it on vibrate?

Will you shut the fuck up, you specifically?

All right.

Girls, girls.

We've talked about this.

Look,

there is a thing.

It's never gone off in the movie theater ever.

Yeah.

It rarely ever goes off ever.

What was the last movie you saw in a movie theater?

The last movie I saw at a movie theater was, oh, actually, I saw the monkey with Nick.

We saw the monkey together.

Before that, it was Vertigo at the Vista.

You and I saw The Monkey together with the Action Boys.

That's right.

All three of the Action Boys, boys, Ben Rogers, John Gabris, and Ryan Stanger.

And not for content.

We just went as friends.

We just went as friends.

Oh, that must have felt kind of freeing.

Yeah.

Should we turn that into content?

Yeah, I guess we could do it.

I don't think we should.

We should do it.

Yeah.

We went to Laurel Tavern afterwards.

I think that's what Laurel died.

Maybe Grill.

Oh, Grill.

Yeah.

That's fine.

Fun spot.

Lovely time.

A lady was like, I'm from Boston, too.

And I, and I, and I was like, oh, oh, oh, oh.

And I couldn't talk back.

A lady, our server.

Yeah,

okay, our server.

Was she cute?

They were like, oh, have the BLT.

Stranger Danger.

Stranger Danger.

I love pussy.

I mean, I love cats.

That chime in my pockets, because I love pussy.

I mean, I love my cat.

I mean, I wanna see my pussy.

I mean, I wanna see.

Oh, I'm from Boston, too.

One twenty-eight, Naxa, Boston, Axa, Boston.

I'm from Dostessa, North Testa.

Southey, Northy.

Was she a pretty lady?

That's Sally.

I like flavors.

If you have drawboy, they would refuse much madness.

This is honestly not too far off.

Walking away slowly into a bush.

She was, she was pretty.

And

when she was walking away, I was like, well, okay.

It was like one of those things where I was like, this was horribly.

And a full table of

friends were there to see me.

That's fun.

Fuck it.

You did great.

You did great.

We went to the famous Culver Theater.

That's where we were.

That's right.

This is in Culver City.

This is right next to the Amazon lot.

People don't know that it's right next to, that it's

that it's it's it's called the Culver Theater, but it's actually owned by Amazon.

They use it for their prime video, but they do sometimes, yeah.

It wasn't Laurel Tavern.

It was a different place.

It was, it was, well, we were at the, we were at the movie.

We saw the movie.

We saw the monkey, and then we migrated over to have a meal.

Okay.

Okay.

And a dinner.

You had a fellas evening out.

We had a fellas evening out.

That's who we were.

A whole past.

That was the last movie you saw.

In the theater.

Yeah.

I saw the

Bob Dylan one.

Oh, sure.

Yeah.

A complete unknown.

A complete unknown.

I keep wanting to call it I'm Still Here, which isn't it.

That's a different, that's a different movie.

I also said

Baby.

Oh, no, there's.

I saw the

musical one, the Netflix musical, the Selena Gomez.

Oh, Amelia Morrell.

I saw that.

Wags is a huge fan of that.

I don't know what.

And then I also saw baby girl.

I gotta see.

You watched the trailer on a movie.

It wasn't actually

much hornier than I was.

Okay, well, it's a C.

It's a little

bit horny.

I expected it to be hornier.

Not that horny.

The trailer's horny.

Casey, did you see Baby Girl?

You're a baby girl guy, right?

I did.

I am a baby girl guy.

Yeah.

Was that

funny?

Did you get horny?

It was not horny enough.

It's not that horny.

That's a problem.

We have high standards now with all of that.

I was just sort of like,

that was fun.

I thought she was fun, fun, but I was like,

I'm like, this is crazy.

I mean, the theme of the movie is when you watch the trailer and it's like this young guy and she's like, gaga, googoo, it feels weird to me.

It feels like a weird thing.

Gaga Guggenhau.

Oh my god, a lot of people.

The trailer is dirtier than the like the movie itself.

Oh, really?

I was excited.

I'm not familiar with the actor.

And so then I got excited because that's more fun to be like, what's he going to do?

What's he going to say?

Like, I don't even know.

I can't predict.

And then I was like, okay.

And I think I was like, evacuated.

I went by, I was like, all right, I'll go see the horny movie with my friend.

And then, like, I was like, it was just really, this is banana.

You think it's more because I don't need to get me because it just reminds me too much of Nick and I's relationship.

Yeah, absolutely.

The substance is wild.

I got to see that too.

Well, the substance, like, everyone who loves it is like a 22-year-old female.

They're like, I love because they're not getting older yet.

They're like, fuck you.

Yeah, yeah.

And they, I mean, like, spoiler alert.

Can I get some 42-year-old gentlemen.

You're like, okay.

I don't want to hear.

Okay, it just gets crazy.

You need to watch it so we can discuss it again.

And just know that every person who recommended it to me was like 21.

You're like, it's really important.

It's like, okay.

I don't know if it's important, but I do.

I think it's fun.

I think it's awesome.

It was really fun.

I mean, close your ears, Lauren.

Anyone?

Okay, we have, also, our audio listeners, spoiler alert.

Spoiler alert.

People who are here for this podcast episode.

We'll give you 45 seconds on the clock.

But

it's like a pizza sliding with Demi Moore's face sliding over like the animals.

Like, that's right.

What the fuck is that?

On the concrete?

I mean,

everyone.

I was like, this is why.

I love it.

I love it.

Strong choices.

I mean, I thought it was fun.

I thought it was fun.

I was like, what the fuck?

Also, that movie's pretty horny, by the way.

That movie is pretty horny, too.

Okay, we're going to go.

Mitch Horny Levels approved.

I'd say that.

Yeah, that one is almost hornier than Baby Girl.

I'd say so.

I'm trying to think back on what the horny is.

How about this?

Hear me out here.

Yeah.

There's that Zek Effron one with Nicole Kidman that's a little horny.

Sure.

Do you think this would be helpful if you went to a movie theater and on the poster, it was a Mitch horny level approved thumbs up with me on it?

I think that would be helpful.

So you know, going into the movie that, like, hey, this is going to be a good horny movie.

If you're with your parents, like, maybe go see a different one.

Yeah, yeah.

And I think it should be on every movie poster.

Yeah, yeah.

We got a big thumbs up for Trolls World Tour.

Yeah, yeah.

I know.

We just learned about all your kinks.

Yeah.

It's like,

this rating is

weird.

It's hard to find a movie he doesn't give a thumbs up to.

Well, big thumbs down for queer.

Okay.

We know what you're doing here, man.

Thumbs up for me.

Thumbs up for all.

All movies get a thumbs up.

I'm looking through.

You can find the horniness in any movie you watch.

That's the deal.

I'm looking through the horny.

I'm looking through last year.

I mean, I do think

queer is super horny, and I loved queer.

Yep.

A different man, decently horny, but you know what's what's horny is challengers.

That movie's horny.

Oh, yeah, that's so horny.

That's so horny.

Challengers rocks.

Oh my god, Challengers was fun, and the music.

Oh, yeah.

I watched it.

Well, it was like a mess vendor.

No, seriously, I watched it with headphones and I was watching, like, standing up, like at my computer, and I was like,

I was like, found myself just like a rave, like, not even meaningfully.

Oh, was it Trent Rock?

Was it Trent Reznor?

Yeah.

Trent Reznor and Atticus Ross.

That was a very horny movie.

I liked that one a lot.

I saw that in the theater too.

Is Atticus Ross the radio head guy?

No.

Is he also a Nine Inch Nails guy?

I don't know who Atticus Ross is exactly.

I just know he collabs with Trent Reznor on some great film scores.

And I know his film score made me horny.

Let's go back to flavors because that is the order of the day.

Also horny.

So what are some of your, and this is a question for both of you.

What are some of your favorite flavors?

We recently explored trying to figure out the flavor it.

Oh, the flavor.

Yeah.

And we landed on butter.

We landed on butter, which is a very good flavor.

My first thought was barbecue sauce, which I love.

Barbecue sauce is great.

Barbecue sauce made a good rum, but then it was,

I think it was barbecue.

It depends on how much you like your sweet, though.

For me, barbecue sauce is so inherently sweet, and I don't have as much of a sweet tooth as some people, although I do like dessert.

But do you like a sweet barbecue sauce?

I love dessert.

It's a very molasses in it.

Yes.

But butter also is a winner because it's just good on everything.

I love butter.

I love peanut butter.

Peanut butter was the peanut butter was mentioned in the flavor.

I love peanut butter.

I like vanilla and like

a chocolate.

I like chocolate flavor.

I love vanilla.

I love vanilla.

Just do a vanilla flavor.

I hope it was a fist ball.

Yeah, I did it.

I did a fistball.

Did you do a shirt that says vanilla is a hair hair?

You did an air jacket.

Do you have like merch that says vanilla is a flavor?

I don't think we have any vanilla is a flavor merch, do we?

Some merch that says that.

Vanilla is a flavor.

We do need a merch that says vanilla is a flavor.

I think like a cream.

I'm just doing a one-pump jack.

I think it's one pump.

That's possible, by the way.

A one-pump jack is possible.

If you're super horny right when you start,

I'll give two thumbs up to a one pump jack.

I'm designing some merch for you.

So I'm sort of picturing like a nice cream base, like a nice canvas baseball hat with in white writing vanilla as a flavor.

Oh, I like that.

That is pretty good.

That's pretty good.

Just like a kind of chic, like, yeah.

I mean, I'm not going to buy that shit because that's his saying.

You can't wear it.

But you're,

are you more partial to chocolate?

Yeah.

I love chocolate.

I would have to eat chocolate after every meal.

What kind of chocolate?

Wait, first off, is that true?

I pretty much have to eat chocolate after every meal.

I feel a little weird if I don't get a little something.

I don't drink coffee, and I kind of realized, like, I realize over and over again that I think the chocolate is kind of like the thing keeping me going.

That makes sense.

But yeah, I like a little bit.

Will you do chocolate ice cream?

I will gladly do that.

On any movie set or any TV show, you need to hire Lauren to be grabbed service because she's the best snack purchaser.

I think I'm good at snacks.

She's got the best snacks anyway.

She can go and navigate a grocery store like you've never seen.

she's the best snack purchaser

i didn't i did not know this yeah she can compile a really nice snack a nice selection for everybody and they're fun and she's like she's like loose with it it's like i might try something i never wizard she'll like grab weird shit yeah and she'll like give them a chance yeah you have any recent favorites um i have some recent misses i feel like that weird that weird popcorn i got wasn't good um no well right now i'm into like a dark chocolate almond like you like the unreal bag i like unreal m's like they're not minem's they're unreal um those are really good and they're naturally dyed.

And I like,

but I also like the salty.

So I would like, I like to have those, you know, those pretzel thins, those pretzel crisps?

The ones that are salt and pepper.

Those are the best ones.

Those are actually maybe the only ones that anyone should be eating.

And dip it in hummus.

Wow, that's fun.

Yeah.

And then, you know, throw some fruit in there.

I mean,

make a selection for everyone of sweet and salty.

That's good.

Do you like a cobbler with a vanilla ice cream?

I don't like a cobbler.

Me, damn.

Don't like a cobbler?

I don't like fruit desserts.

This couch likes a cobbler with a vanilla ice cream.

Better be on my side or I'll kill you.

Wait, do I like a cobbler?

Yeah, I love a cobbler.

We'll get you a chocolate.

Oh, wait, am I supposed to say no?

Yeah.

No, I fucking hate cobblers.

Thank you.

This couch hates cobblers.

I love gobblers.

I hate cobblers.

How's that?

What kind of gobblers?

Getting a pair of shoes.

A turkey gobbler.

So, in the northeast,

the gobbler sandwich is like your leftover turkey.

Yeah.

Yeah.

It's stuffing.

Mayonnaise, cranberries.

Is that a wait?

But D'Angelo has a gobbler, right?

Yeah, it does.

D'Angelo gobbler, which is not like if you're going, if you're like a gobbler purist,

I don't usually put potatoes or mashed potatoes or gravy on it, but cranberry sauce.

I don't know if it's

in the bread, yeah.

To me, the pure

if you the the purest version of it is is

turkey, like a roast turkey, okay, uh, stuffing

mayo, cranberry sauce.

Bingo, that to me is the that's the I would have put gravy in crispy New England mayo.

The mayo, though, works so well.

Yeah.

The mayo works so well.

Bingo.

Naturally dyed.

They're naturally dyed MS.

Yeah, they're like dyed with like fruit extract or like beet beets or something.

I don't know what the fuck it is.

But it's not, it's not, apparently, it's not red 40 or whatever.

Oh, I don't know.

I love red 40%.

I know there's an urban legend.

I love eating it all the time.

It makes me whole happy.

I don't know if there's an urban legend or not, but I remember reading that one of the natural red dyes, and part of the reason that artificial red dyes are so common is because one of the natural ones is actually ground up beetles.

I've heard that from makeup, from like lipstick.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

People find that they're like,

makeup, and then they're all grossed out.

But I think it's maybe okay.

Yeah.

Is that animal abuse?

I don't know.

Or bugs abuse.

I mean, do beetles have souls?

That's a great question, Wax.

Wow.

Wow.

You know what?

By the end of the tournament, I think we will have an answer for.

I have that feeling because we went to the Hog Island Oyster Company up in SF, and I love myself a plate of oysters.

But

we've had this discussion so many times with the podcast, but like, is each oyster, does an oyster have a soul?

Because if so, I'm inhaling six souls when I have like my little plate of oysters.

It really is.

That's a lot.

And then you think of like versus having, is that spiritually worse than having like a burger, which is like a portion of a cow that's feeding six.

No, much bigger soul.

But that's a baby soul.

So you say there's a hierarchy of souls based on someone's like intelligence and emotional development.

I think it's okay to eat oysters.

Well, I eat meat as well.

But if we're we're talking about like the harm that you're doing it feels way worse to eat a cow that i agree with i thought you were vegan for a little bit i was vegetarian for an entire year recently and did you feel better i did feel better but i actually got fatter what because i was

because i i was just eating more starch to compensate for the lack of fat and protein yeah

but i but i did i did overall feel better my health i mean anytime i cut something that is not uh

podcast is bad it's not podcast is bad yeah sure naturally died is how you can uh that's how you'll describe Wag's Nye in a couple of years.

I hope he has frosted tips like

what's his name?

Guy Fieri.

Just naturally died with frosted tips.

We haven't hit that.

I'm sure we're going to have some midlife.

It will be fun to see our midlife crisis stuff happen on this.

Oh, that's a spot.

We've got like a little

bit of a title.

I just saw this.

Wait, we got to talk about this.

Even you've already talked about it.

But what's the meaning behind this?

It's pretty straightforward.

I'm tiger now, okay,

tiger wager.

I guess it's a short, short explanation, tiger wager.

No, I like my name rhymes with tiger, and I like tigers, and I was like, Yeah, that'd be cool.

That's awesome.

Let's see how I deal with it.

Maybe I'll get like a maybe I'll like uh get like height-lengthening surgery.

You feel like there's a longer time.

I want to go and get taller.

Yeah, get really long fever.

Yeah,

would people like that if I was like six, seven?

How are you?

You're not short.

I'm six, three, but it would be funny to get.

Let's get a Brazilian butt lift.

I came in and I just never talked about my heat.

Like, I have a huge ass.

Like a huge booty.

Like a real like juicer.

Like a real like a shelf.

Like a real

juicer.

A juicer is just a disgusting way to describe an ass, I feel like.

Grosser ways.

Yeah.

Well, it's pretty gross.

It's pretty gross.

Thank you.

And you picture like juicing two big oranges.

Yeah.

Yeah.

That's your, that's going to be, if you choose not to do the femur surgery, you could get a BBL.

I'll get both of them.

Yeah.

Big assuran's face.

Right at eye level.

Yeah, you're right.

If you're successful, you can get both.

Your femur looks up.

Your asses.

Yeah, asses at most people's eye eye level.

And always be like, what are you looking at?

My voice will go deeper because I'm taller.

Exactly.

And then we can explain.

Like, if you bump into somebody at head gum, you can explain.

You'd be like, my eyes are up here.

And then we rate them.

And I'm like, yeah, I am being of service to the world.

He's explaining the podcast while he's explaining his BBO.

He said, we go to chain restaurants to rate them.

We're not asking about that.

I do like huge jazz.

And it's a podcast.

People listen to it.

And he just gives, let me know if you want it.

And then he tries to run, but his favors are too long.

It's not quite balanced with the ass and the favors.

Do you tell, here's a question on that topic.

Do you generally speaking,

do you tell strangers what you do?

Like if you're in a situation.

not to either.

I tell them I do design.

Oh, that's smart.

Yeah, I say I do it.

I'm an interior designer.

Wow.

We had an issue because we both had audio generally.

We both had jury duty production.

And they asked Weiger what he did.

And then I also explained.

I did.

I was honest because I was like, well, I guess I'm under oath.

I won't just say generally I'm in production.

I will say I'm a podcaster.

I think if

you have jury duty, you have to tell the truth.

But then the judge was like, I said, I was like, I'm a podcaster.

And the judge was like, you have a great voice for podcasting.

And then everyone's like, yeah, he does.

Yeah.

Oh, that was naive.

And you thought you were on jury duty, the show where everyone's punking you.

Yeah, yeah.

Oh my God, am I the star of this season?

I wasn't.

The way you made that judge sounds like he has a good voice for podcasts.

I guess I kind of went into that voice while I was doing it, but he didn't really.

Like, I don't know.

I don't know why I didn't.

Were you talking in a weird voice during jury duty?

That is a huge possibility.

Yeah.

I'm a podcaster.

I know, it's talking to me.

I was in England over the holidays, and I was like, I'd sort of split off from my friend.

And I took the, I went, I like, I was like, the train, there was like a repair and so some man was like helping me find my way to this other station so I just started talking to this guy he's a vicar which means he's like a priest right and then this guy I was like oh then I'm doing this I was like and I have a podcast and he's like literally almost criticized he's like well what are your numbers I'm like you're a vicar and he's like he's like well what are your numbers

and then he's like what are your numbers I was like well what are your plans I was like I'm doing fine I'm already like do you hope it gets bought I'm like it is bought it's on iHeart and I was just like but it was just weird to even have like even in the middle of like like that so evening to have a priest.

I was like, Conclave-ass guy.

What the fuck, right?

I think he was nagging you.

Is this a horny vicar?

It kind of felt like a horny vicar.

Yeah.

He was.

He wasn't.

He was a horny vicar.

Was he a hot vicar?

The whole thing was like, I got to get away from the vicar.

Hey, the Mitch horniness level, you can put it outside of church.

You can put it anywhere.

It could be on churches.

It doesn't have to be on, it doesn't have to be on just movie posters.

I'm not going in that church.

Your thumb was off as you were saying it.

And then we have the vanilla over here, the vanilla shake.

That's right.

Hey, if I get that lead game playing, it'd be the perfect height where he was doing it.

Whoa.

You jacked me off.

Anyways.

Who is going to?

Watch, watch, watch, watch.

Who's going to?

Yeah, it's right there.

What else?

Got to be on the paywall.

Okay.

Let's talk chicken.

Yes.

Because we got two orders of business today.

Specifically this matchup, we're talking chicken versus sandwiches.

So I want to start generally in terms of chicken.

Where is it among your favorite proteins?

And what's your favorite chicken preparation?

Okay, I don't know how to cook.

So am I preparing it?

No, no, no.

Just like you're going to do that.

I don't know what to prepare.

I don't know what the things that were happening over there.

Yeah.

Okay.

There was an exit, and I don't know what it means, but we'll find out.

Oh, yeah.

Wait, I realized I think someone who's going to come on the show has an out.

So we'll get to that in a second.

Okay.

Lauren, you go first.

I do eat a lot of chicken.

I would say it's one of my top meats and top proteins.

Okay.

And I like it.

I like a grilled chicken breast and a salad.

I like it kind of like shredded into a salad as well.

Okay.

I also eat it,

you know, if I'm having a night out, I might have a fettuccine alfredo with some chicken in there.

Sure.

But it's usually, I guess, a grilled breast style is how if it's like, if I'm getting like a plump, you know,

chicken from like the store, the skin is the best part.

Yeah.

We just texting someone or what's it?

I'm listening to you and I was texting.

I was texting about this situation.

He was trying to text the server.

He's like, I'm sorry.

I panicked when you're here.

He's trying to.

I am not texting.

I am from Boston.

I'm from Revia.

I'm from Boston.

I was listening to you and I agree with you.

I'm totally born because it's boring me about chicken.

Yeah, I know.

I'm like, I love you.

I love the chicken skin.

I'm with you.

Chicken skin's amazing.

I sometimes like a fried chicken.

I don't go towards that.

The grilled is where I'm at, I think, pretty much across the board.

I also like a nugget.

Go ahead.

I also like chicken.

I like a nug, but I really, my favorite chicken is chickamole tacos from Guisados.

Shout out to Guisados.

Echo Parks.

Sunset's my favorite of the,

but I like them in a taco.

I like like a fajita.

I like a Mexican chicken, like an enchilada.

I like a Mexican flavor preparation.

Yeah, a lot of fun.

It's probably the protein I eat the most, but it's not my, like, it's not my favorite.

Well, I guess that's true.

I guess my favorite is like steak.

Steak is more fun.

Yeah, obviously.

But I don't eat it very often.

No way.

And pork.

Well, I guess, no, I don't know.

I think I go chicken over.

My favorite is chicken.

Again, going back to when I wasn't eating meat, that was what I'm chicken.

We've also talked about it.

I also, fried chicken is my favorite food, so that's the thing.

But do you like chicken

ball meat and stuff?

Because I like Beyond burgers a lot.

Yeah, those get the job done.

Would you call that, like, if we're talking about meat, that's not even part of it?

Like, you wouldn't say a beyond burger.

Because I think I almost like that more than a regular burger at this point.

I mean, for me,

they're pretty close.

If I wasn't an actress, like, like who at the, when I, like, when I started, there was only one size to be.

So now this is the size.

Like, if I, if I could sort of just eat whatever the fuck I wanted, I would eat Kentucky fried chicken night and day.

Wow.

Love it.

Love a fried chicken.

Love a bucket of chicken.

I love a biscuit.

I like it.

But unfortunately, that wasn't really the option when, like, sure.

Yeah.

I just think this, that it can, like, chicken, the protein of chicken

can range from

you can get gnarly chicken.

Like, more likely, you can get gnarly chicken than you get.

I don't want a gnarly chicken.

I hate when you have a piece of chicken that I'm going to be.

I don't want a gnarly chicken.

Yeah.

Yeah.

It's the one you can, you'll see cheaped out in the most on, partly because it can be produced so cheaply.

So like, yeah, like a chicken from like an airport Caesar salad is like the worst

thing.

Let's go.

Look for a nugget.

A nugget.

Nothing wrong with that.

I was

cheerio you know they say it in and but there's also the cereal cheerios uh-huh so is that is there ever who's on first situation in london you know what i'm saying oh you hungry for breakfast yeah i think about my vicar that egged me the vicar yeah that's what i'm saying is is that is do you think that this isn't whatever

i think it happens quite a bit okay all right thank you thank you let's talk sandwiches

okay this is so exciting do you like a sandwich i love a sandwich what type of fucking question is that

sandwiches loves sandwiches.

Let's talk sandwiches.

Do you like a sandwich?

Lauren loves sandwiches.

I do love sandwiches, but I feel like you're putting it on me, which makes me think you don't like sandwiches.

Well, again, I'm shorter than Lauren.

You're not as crazy, but it's literally.

You're how short we were.

I'm shorter than Lauren.

If I was five foot ten, if I could, again, from when I started, I'm like somewhere in the world.

I've already, like, I come from short hundred people.

I come from the cookie-ass.

You know, I'm from cookie hammer.

You got to get that height lengthening surgery with.

Yeah.

You and I are

No, I love a sandwich.

You know, the best sandwich in LA possibly, from my experience, best turkey sandwich that I have had.

And also, if anyone has other ideas, I'd love to hear them.

From Cookbook, the little like small, like niche grocery, it's like expensive little grocery store.

They have a turkey sandwich they make daily there that is bum.

Yes.

Wow.

You know what's a great one?

Yes.

I like potato chip deli's turkey sandwich.

Potato chip deli.

I've never heard of that.

Potato chip deli is near.

There's a couple of them.

You guys know this location.

CBS Television City.

I've been there.

This is my favorite city.

That's my favorite area over here.

Because CBS Television City, Paris,

the KTLA Eiffel Tower.

KTLA.

I love a sandwich.

I love jamming Doritos and chips into a sandwich.

You know what I mean?

I love the Menjo Mijans where you put the chips in your mouth at the same time.

Yeah, I mean, I love a sandwich.

I love a sandwich.

Like a sub.

I love a D'Angelo.

Oh, look what he had.

Amelia got me the, because

for the matchup, today's matchup,

I usually get these with my order from one of the spots.

Mitch is holding up a bag of Cool Ranch Doritos.

I love Cool Ranch.

Those are the best.

What was the flavor you guys tried on Instagram that was like not as good?

Oh, when we were on the Waymo.

How is that?

I love Waymo.

Shimmy just gave me a raspberry on my leg.

Waymo is like the only tech thing I've liked in like the past 10 years.

Did you do it here?

Everybody Everybody does it in Seattle.

So you love a silent car ride.

I do.

I love a silent car.

But there's also something of just like, oh, this car is stopping at every stop sign.

It does feel, it feels like a better driver than a person.

It feels like,

you know, buy the book safe.

And maybe that'll, you know, maybe that, those, that'll stand off as this thing becomes more common.

But right now, it's like it's driving by the absolute letter of the law.

We got to use it right.

We got to try a way.

We have to try it.

But isn't it only in certain parts of town?

It is, yeah.

Yeah.

So I have to have a reason to go from one part of Beverly Hills to like Larchmont or something.

It took you to the tiki theater, right?

That's right.

Yeah, drop me off at the door.

Actually, drop me off around the corner.

It's so weird getting out.

Like, bye.

Yeah.

Good luck with your hourmonies issues.

It's a, you know, it's a,

I would say it's, it's, there's going to be a version of it that's janky, but right now it's like they're trying to roll out the primo.

Do you think it'll take over like people driving?

Like it'll just be like in like all of us like with our own cars.

Do you think it'll be like, well, we're all going to have self-driving cars that you can drive or you can let it drive you?

I think it will reach a certain point, yes, where people will get used to having autonomous, being in autonomous vehicles, and then they'll be like, why do I have to drive?

I think you'll have a home base.

Because we all just want to text anyway.

Yeah, it's probably better for everyone.

And you sink to your home base.

What do you think of this?

This just sounds like future shit, I'm saying.

I mean, it's all worms that aren't.

I feel like it's about to happen.

Yeah.

But six.

Sinked.

Your car is sinking to its home base.

Sink to my home base.

Sinking in process.

Like car is like, yeah, I was picturing like it's sinking in the river.

Cars now synced to your home base.

Sinking.

Your sneakers are cute, Laurie.

Those are cute.

Real cute.

Little

converse with the cherries on the corner.

The converse with the flare.

You know, a couple months up.

I wish you see my thumbs up outside the Tiki Theater.

The Tiki Theater is where,

hmm, well, rest his soul, Fred Willard,

went to the porno movie.

That's the other thing.

That's where he got to talk.

That's where he got to the show.

Yes, yes, yes.

You wanted to tell me why.

I want to tell you why.

He was on that.

Yeah, yeah.

I needed you to know that it was a jacket.

I like that.

It was good.

So he went for the one-time vanilla shake.

Yeah.

It's Munch Madness 2025, the tournament of champions of champions, round one.

Deep theater's got to get those AMC recliners in there.

That's what they need.

That's what I think.

Oh, yeah.

I think it's fine to jerk off at a porn old theater.

That's what it's there to be for.

That's what it's there for.

We agree.

That's what it's doing for me.

scared me.

I genuinely don't think Cred Willer did anything wrong at all.

And how cute that he was at a theater.

Amelia's snapping for me.

How cute that he was at a theater?

He's supporting live theater.

No,

he's a theater lover.

He's a patron.

Support the arts.

Before we go any further with the tournament, it's time to introduce him, the commissioner of the tournament of champions,

Evan Susser.

Wow.

Wow.

Looking real shack.

Looking real shaft.

I didn't know there was a dress code.

Jemmy's in my seat.

Jemmy, you gotta go.

Jimmy, you gotta move first to make room for me.

Jimmy, Susser.

Sorry.

Jemmy, we're sorry.

She feels so soft.

She's so comfortable.

Jemmy, sorry.

Yeah, she looks like a movie life.

Boo to the commissioner.

Making a dog leave.

Like, oh, the commission.

Susser, you're wearing a suit and tie, as always.

Looking great.

Looking real sharp.

You joined us on Tuesday for a selection Tuesday trip.

He just kind of took those compliments like

given.

He's like you at that place where the waitress asked you if you're from Boston.

You joined us for a preview as Emma gets your mic set there.

Thank you.

But this is the chain event.

We're getting down to brass tacks.

We're getting to business here.

I'm really excited about the rules.

All right.

Hello.

Hello.

I'm going to make a brief statement.

Can I quickly point out that?

Can I quickly point out that hello is written down on his paper?

Oh, my God.

I'm gonna make a brief statement after which I'll open the floor to questions.

Wow, wow, welcome to the tournament of tournament of champions of champions.

That really does have a strobe effect on my brain.

It was my extreme honor to serve as lifetime commissioner of the tournament.

Wow, here are the rules.

Lifetime, 10 years.

Here are the rules of the 2025 tournament.

Okay, rule number one: there are no rules.

Wow,

no rules.

That makes me feel so free.

I could finally get away from the future.

I think I got a pack steakhouse this year.

It's no rules just right.

Wow.

Rule number two.

There actually are some logic.

Lauren.

No rules just right.

Lauren wrote that.

Yeah, I don't know if that really rolls off the tongue, but okay.

No rules just right.

Oh, there are some rules.

Okay.

Okay.

Rule number three.

Everyone is here.

Every winner of every tournament of champions is represented in this tournament.

Wow.

Everyone is here.

Wow.

You got to say it.

Rule four.

you gotta dance

he made me put it in today

he said make sure it's in there and people get it rule four you gotta dance with the one who brought you if a restaurant has multiple categories of food on its menu only the category it qualified for is eligible I thought you put your arm around him to comfort him.

Oh, that's you.

You're doing great.

By way of an example.

I don't know if this is getting picked up on camera.

Jemmy is just wandering around aimlessly, unsure of what to do with herself.

I know the feeling.

I used to have a right now.

I don't know where I am right now.

Wait, so don't force you.

You got to dance with the one that got you here.

It's like if it's like a pizza restaurant and they have pizza, it was a pizza tournament.

That's weird too.

Then you got to pizza.

The chicken is chicken.

Right, right.

You got the frosty.

Wendy's website.

Again, the questions are supposed to be at the end.

Got it.

Okay, save it.

Sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry.

It's fine.

Rule of five.

One on fun.

What you see?

One on fun.

Every matchup will will be one-on-one matchup with each guest getting to pick one item from the competing chains we'll talk about today later.

Okay.

Oh, because I went off-roading like a maniac.

Rule six.

Okay.

What'd you do?

I saw too many things.

Is at a loss.

Sauce is at a loss.

You can use sauce.

Wow.

But you can't evaluate sauce in your review.

Okay.

Meaning, like not the sauce.

Okay, I'll say questions.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I think additional sauce.

Additional.

Remember, he was like, I know.

We're just expanding upon it.

Okay, okay, cool.

Rule seven.

There's so many ink thumbprints on the paper.

It's sauce.

It's sauce.

Write this in longhand.

Rule seven.

The hand is going.

The dais is denied.

Oh.

That's right.

Wow.

The dais opinions on the competing chains is not to be considered during the tournament.

No exceptions.

What a fuck you to our essential word.

Yeah.

If this rule is violated, I reserve the right to eject members of the dais.

Holy God.

Jesus.

crazy!

That's crazy!

Because I wasn't listening, and I don't know what it means.

The deus is for

me, okay.

Sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry.

The deus is everyone sitting over at the producer's desk.

Okay, so yeah, I'm gonna be like,

Rule eight:

tie goes to the runner.

If there's a tie, guests can agree to do a foot race around head gum to decide which side wins.

Or

they can opt for the deus ex machina, which would be letting the deus decide.

This would then cancel out Rule 7.

Okay.

For sure foot race.

I'm going to be racing somebody.

For a short foot race.

Wait, who?

Who would?

Okay, questions at the end.

I'm wondering who would be.

Rule 9.

Are you fleet of foot?

Yeah.

No, I don't know.

Yeah.

I just got longer legs.

I just want to do it.

I got the will to win.

No, I want to do it.

Yeah.

I can see either of you being exceptional runners.

Yeah, exactly.

I'm not.

Yeah.

I don't know.

Also, are you fleet of foot?

Yeah.

Rule nine.

I'm fleet of foot.

Hate.

I'm pretty fleet of foot.

I'm fleet of foot.

Rule.

This one's important.

Shut up, Aesop.

Let him talk, you fucking freak.

Rule nine.

Hate has no plate here.

Chick-fil-A is officially banned from the tournament.

Wow.

Yes, it didn't qualify, but even so, I'm making a statement that it's banned.

Wow.

It's very brave.

I've never had Chick-fil-A.

It's very, very brave.

The problem is it does taste good.

It's really good.

Well, it's extremely good.

But it's not.

I mean, it wasn't in the tournament to begin with, but it's also banned.

It's banned by me, the commissioner.

Good.

A good man.

Fuck Chick-fil-A.

Fuck you, Chick-fil-A.

Rule 10.

And it's good that we're doing this.

It's important that we're doing this.

It's important that this is included.

Hot dogs.

I love those hot dogs.

That's the last dog.

That was hot 10.

Okay.

Rule 10.

And what are the hot dogs saying?

Rule 10.

They seem to be saying something.

That's nice that you wore your wedding socks today.

Rule 10.

Are they holding broken pencils?

I think they're American flags.

Okay.

I got them after the election.

I'll have what he's having.

In each round, the commissioner reserves the right to have one of the hosts' exact meal.

Today, I exercise that right.

That's Weiger's meal.

It was great.

Wow.

Okay, now, questions.

Okay.

First off, thank you so much for doing that.

Thank you, Sauce.

Yeah, so for clarity, the sauces.

So, say, for example, I know that Mitch had a sandwich that had a lot of blue cheese sauce on it.

Yes.

But

that was part of the sandwich versus like I had Wendy's with dipping sauce.

It's the only thing that's disqualified is the dipping sauce, not the sandwich sauce.

Is that correct?

That's right.

And also, you can't get into

saying the sauce was good or the sauce was bad.

I see.

That can't be part of it.

Or even on the Wendy's, I can't say the mayo was good.

It was on your sandwich.

I think it was in the sandwich.

If it's on the sandwich, it's okay.

Yeah.

But if it was a dip afterwards, you can can dip,

but you can't be, you can't say, oh, they had good ketchup.

You're not swayed by the dip.

Yeah.

Our buddy Matt Selman.

It's a bad sense of good because the sauce was good.

It's just.

Right.

Yeah.

Our buddy Matt Selman, the Tyne father, was

texting us about he likes to dip his McDonald's burgers in sweet source.

Which I never thought to do.

That's so good.

It does sound good.

It does sound good.

But that's not allowed here.

Not allowed.

It's a Roger Rogers rule.

Yeah, but you can't sway you.

You can't say that's why it was good.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Can I?

Roger Rabbit rule.

No talk of the dip.

Why?

Because that's that's clearly which that's really good.

Thank you.

Yeah, that actually I'm so I want to thank Lauren, and I'm going to now leave my house and my will to you for this.

I really

talk about this.

But I, but I, this appeal, I love games.

I like to know the rules of the game.

I love flavors.

I love doing Doughboys.

The fact that you're here.

This is everything I want to do on a Wednesday afternoon.

Perfect.

This is full circle, but I'm going to, this is a good thing.

No, you don't have have to leave me anything, and I just love our friendship.

Yeah, great.

Thank you.

Well, so coming into this, and if I can be a little vulnerable as Commissioner, some people think that the rules get a little tedious.

I appreciate it.

I think there are some people.

I can't wait to race Lauren.

I'm going to race this tie.

All right.

So that was one moment.

No matter what.

Yeah, we're going to race whether there's a tie or not.

Can we rename the rule the Roger Rabbit rule for the dip, please?

Maybe the Judge Doom rule.

The Judge Doom rule.

Yes.

Okay, great.

Make note of that before you forget.

The race.

I need the leaky pen.

Will it bother you all?

And you can continue the flow if I run to the ladies' room because I have the bladder of a 14.

Yes, of course.

14-year-old girl.

Will you just pause for a second?

Let's pause for one second.

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All right, we're back.

A couple of us took a bathroom break.

How many did you say?

I also did.

It was the time the

nick got up.

And Jemi sadly got into your guys' spots because Susser has taken her spot.

But now Jemmy looks pretty sad again.

She looks really sad again.

Yeah.

I just want to be a little bit more fun.

Jimmy's having a lot of fun.

Oh, my God.

Mr.

Jemmy would be so cute.

Yeah, I'm having a fun time.

Can we get some sort of suit for Jemmy?

I was going to see if I could find a tux for her.

Or bow tie?

Cute.

What about like a wig?

That would be very cute.

I like wigs on animals.

That'd be really funny.

I feel like Jemmy wouldn't tolerate a wig.

I think she dogs dress up like Dolly Parton with Dolly Parton wigs, which are really cute.

That gets a Mitch thumbs up of approval.

No.

What?

What?

What?

You mean the Dolly Parton or the animals in Dolly Parton wigs?

Get the thumbs up.

In your head, susser, the foot race.

What are you envisioning?

And you said guests.

So Mitch and I are not eligible.

Here's how I think the foot race should work.

Whoever feels the strongest for their side could be the representative of it.

And then I think it's a race within head gum.

Oh, I thought it was outside the exterior.

I think it's better if it's in here because it's like there's a lot of furniture.

It's awkward.

Yeah, it's like the hunks are getting annoyed.

Wayne Brady or

breaking up a song of his.

He was just here to hang out with.

Yeah, he's just here.

He's not on the podcast.

Jing at this point is out.

Okay.

Okay.

We were allowed to say that

we weren't allowed to say that he was doing a podcast, but we could say he's here.

Okay, great.

I like the hunks.

He's just like, but it dropped today.

It dropped today.

The Wayne Burray podcast.

The reason he was here so much is that he has a podcast.

And he likes the hunks.

Yeah.

Maybe you give us some race music, Wags.

What do you think?

What's that?

Maybe you give us some as we're going to be.

We're going to run a race regarding.

Oh, sure.

I will, I'll run around.

I'll run around just a little.

Yeah.

We got to do a race by the end.

I need to race.

We're going to race.

But no, I think only if something ties.

Only if something ties.

And you're saying it's the people who feel the strongest.

So this is just going to be a race race between me and Mitch because that's what's going to happen.

I honestly want to watch that too.

We want to race.

Okay.

But I think we could try.

Yeah.

Yeah, obviously.

We probably need a rule 11 if one of the hosts has a heart attack.

Yeah.

Yep.

Do not resuscitate.

Don't resuscitate.

Don't.

Oh, that's good.

Don't resuscitate.

That's really good.

Maybe we put a donut on your face to resuscitate.

Oh, I didn't know there was much skin circle.

I'm like, Mitch, did you have a question?

Do you like jelly donuts?

I love jelly donuts.

Me, too.

I would never eat that question ever asking.

So, the commissioner.

Yeah.

Yes, I do.

Okay.

I do.

You got to ask.

You got to ask this end of the couch if we like jelly donuts.

I have no idea.

You're anti-jelly donuts.

I don't want that.

We have a difference.

It is a network.

Again, the fruit dessert thing.

We have a food and a dessert.

I don't really want goo in a dessert.

It is goo.

Jelly is a goo.

I don't really want goo.

I don't fruit dessert protein.

Oh, you don't.

Yeah, yeah.

We're the vanilla.

Jelly is a goo.

Jelly is a goo.

I know that's the problem.

And so that, that, you want a jelly donut?

I do want a jelly donut.

Okay, great.

That goo roll rule expands to something like a like a Boston cream donut.

I don't want to get it.

She's a chocolate girl.

I have a memory

going on dunking donuts when I was a kid, and I accidentally ate a Boston cream donut, and I remember thinking, oh, no.

And then that's what I was ever doing.

I like that.

I like that.

I just want to point out that Weiger and I did a Wayne Brady song for the race and no one paid any attention to us.

It was very great, actually.

We were just singing a song and and no one was paying attention to us.

I didn't hear that at all.

No one did.

And I was lost and I don't know.

It's chaos in here.

Yeah, okay.

I really couldn't hear it.

I had a rule that was double trouble.

Double the guests all month long, wags, until it doesn't work out.

That is my rule.

Okay.

What's going to cause it to not work out?

I think you mean until it's impossible to schedule.

Yes.

Yeah.

Not like, not like us fight each other so much.

Or it's too chaotic having them both on.

I mean, that'd be good for the pod if the guests got in a fight.

Yeah.

That's good.

If If you guys need to get some people who have problems with each other, and that's true, yeah.

Okay, yeah.

I'm not going to name anybody.

I was thinking, I was, I was just thinking, I'm just thinking.

I'm brainstorming.

I just thought of earlier.

I was just thinking of earlier.

Yeah, I was also thinking of earlier.

I was just thinking of earlier.

All right, moving on.

So, is there anything else you'd like to add?

This is a last year's, yeah, last year's tournament of champions, our Taco Bell tournament, Dokiero Taco Bell, was fraught with controversy, with chaos.

You were temporarily deposed and then by the end reinstated.

I'm hoping this year goes a little bit smoother.

Well, it's a good question.

Yeah.

And let's just say I have a few tricks up my sleeve and a few plans to make sure that things stay in line this year.

Wow.

And that's all I'm going to say about that.

He's in COVID.

Okay.

That's my horny seal of approval for what you said.

Yeah.

Okay, thank you, girl.

All right.

Well, have a great tournament, guys.

Thanks, Suss.

I feel like I'm going to be aware of

it.

Thank you, Commissioner.

Play him off with his.

Thank you, Commissioner.

This is the first round.

This is the first round, bro.

Heavy, heavy.

Heavy, heavy.

That's exciting.

We are honored to be in the first round.

Come back.

Come back.

Bye, suss.

Bye, Susser.

Bye, bye, sussy.

She was also the the guy who fumbled his way out the door.

Obviously, now it's clear that was Susser trying to get out the door there.

Who do you think are the big comedy rivals?

You got Spy versus Spy.

Who else?

Yeah, Spy versus Spy.

Leno Letterman.

Leno Letterman.

Conan also is a part of all of them.

Oh, yeah, Conan and Letterman versus

Leno.

Conan and Lolo.

Conan and Lolo.

Who else?

Leno and Lee.

I remember wasn't there where George Lopez got accused of stealing from, like, who

didn't somebody accuse him?

Or George Lopez, I thought, accused someone.

Oh, right.

You're right.

I forgot what it is.

I forgot who, but I feel like there was like a back in the day, there was like a feud.

Yeah, there was the famous Louie on

the Louis.

That would be a big episode.

That'd be a great episode.

That'd be a great episode.

I feel like it was

Carlos Mencia and Joe Rogan had a thing.

That was an early job.

That would be a good episode.

That would be a good episode.

Do you think we should get both of them on here?

We should get them both on there and make them race around headcom.

They'd be so into that.

We'll figure that out.

They'd love to do that.

Definitely do that.

This is round one of the tournament of champions of champions.

Match one, the named for an individual other than the founder, aka the person region, Jersey Mike's versus Wendy's.

Good call.

Wendy's enters via its victory in our chicken tournament, Munch Madness 2017 chicken fight.

Wendy's spicy chicken sandwich was given to the devil and it was so tasty it turned him into an angel.

Note, this was in a pre-Popeyes chicken sandwich world.

So history might have gone differently, but that's now not how it worked out.

Chick-fil-A, also not in that tournament, but it doesn't matter.

Fuck Chick-fil-A.

I think it was in that tournament.

Oh, good.

Well, fuck you, Chick-fil-A.

You lost.

That's right, dog.

I like Chick-fil-A.

All right.

But it's banned, and it's good that we banned it.

Also, we're heroes.

Trying to help.

Jersey Mike's enters via winning our sandwich tournament, Munch Madden's 2022, Heroes Journey, sub-optimal.

It was the Hoagie for Rogie.

Hey, speaking of Joe Rogan, a sandwich so good it either changed Joe Rogan's mind about vaccines or emboldened his anti-vax stand.

And we know how that shook out.

Both chains.

Joe Boys have come around to his stance on vaccines, anyways, since those years.

Both chains are members of the Hallowed Halls of the Golden Play Club.

Uh-oh.

Twice.

Twice in one episode.

Joe Rogan.

I heard you talking about him.

Rogan's at my place.

He's like, Wages, this is actually one my house is getting broken into.

So, how do you feel now?

Wow.

You better go attend to that.

You don't seem worried.

you're just like smug look

guess what happened guess what

my house is getting broken into the fact that it happened twice in a day as well whoa it happened twice in a day this is the reason why that there's a there is a person in my he that he should not be there he's a there's a guy in my he's a it's a delivery guy but yeah but also he should he's in like a weird spot that's exactly

get him out of there we got eyes on that guy

okay

that's why you have cameras it's good it's good to have it's good my house got My place got broken into.

No, no, that is jarring.

I don't know.

Does that sound like a Karen?

He shouldn't be there.

It is a weird place to be.

That's all I'm saying.

He shouldn't be there.

He shouldn't be there.

He shouldn't be there.

There's a front door one, which I will turn off.

Yes.

The other one is.

I don't give any information.

Yeah, I shouldn't give any more information.

We don't need to.

I don't tell you how to turn it off.

I'm just going to be opinionated about this.

And they're going to be.

No, no, no.

Listen, listen, listen.

Every camera is going to stay on.

Yes.

You're going to have alerts telling you whenever anyone walks by, and that's fine.

Thank you.

Agree to agree.

Thank you.

And you're never going to turn your cameras off.

So anyone anyone out there who's getting some ideas, there's a YouTube camera.

And there's a YouTube alarm that goes absolutely crazy and calls the cops the second anyone opens the door or breaks a window.

So thank you.

Don't even try it.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you.

What if your alarm went off and someone was pulling a caper?

There was like a team of guys and they all had their own like specificity.

Like they were all like kind of doing their own tasks.

What are they trying to get at in my place?

I don't know.

I don't know.

You tell us.

That could be pretty cool.

That would be cool as hell.

It's like a heist going on.

When we're not recording, we know somebody.

I know somebody that had saw-through cameras, a team of guys.

Whoa.

That's crazy.

That's wild.

I'll tell you after.

Must have been somebody rich.

Wow.

Okay.

It was like a caper.

It was a caper, basically?

It wasn't a caper, but it was like a whole they saw like six or seven guys.

Oh, my God.

That is a caper.

That's a caper.

That's a caper.

If you're looking at home security cameras, you're only going to see

an actual caper.

That's right.

You know, the food.

He has one caper in his house.

That's his fridge.

I will say, these are-moving on.

These are two of my all-time chain restaurant go-tos, what I picked for this particular matchup.

I picked the winning Wendy's spicy chicken sandwich, and the rule we applied

using Susser's logic is that any chicken from Wendy's was up for grabs.

Yes.

Because of the way the rule is set up.

Any Wendy's chicken and any Jersey Mike's sandwich.

Those were the categories that they won.

Wendy's won the chicken tournament.

Jersey Mike's won the sandwich tournament.

Anything.

I forgot you could order a Jersey Mike's brownie today.

No, no, no, no.

Yeah, the chips weren't on the table.

I know they're very good.

Sides were on the sidelines.

Drinks are on the stink.

So I got the Wendy's spicy chicken sandwich, which won.

And I also got the Jersey Mike's number seven, which is their turkey and provolone.

I got that on wheat Mike's Way, which is onions, lettuce, tomatoes, olive oil blend, red wine vinegar, and spices.

Do you know what the spices are, Mitch?

I looked this up.

It's just oregano and salt.

That's all it is.

Oh, that's kind of...

Yeah.

whatever.

I mean, they're good.

It gets a job done.

I also added Mayo and added jalapenos.

There's no pepper on there.

They don't test any pepper.

It's apparently just oregano and salt, as per people who've worked for Jersey Mics.

Oh, yeah.

Turkey Sub, one of their most popular sandwiches.

And I think that's the case for the Wendy's Spicy Chicken Sandwich.

In fact, Headgum CEO Marty

saw we had Wendy's and said, ooh, what's your Wendy's go-to?

And I mentioned, like, you know, sometimes get a Dave's double, but oftentimes get the Wendy's spicy chicken sandwich.

I think you could classify as a headgum hunk.

Yes.

And I said the Wendy's, the Yalpha hunk, if you will i say the i said the wendy's spicy chicken sandwich and he goes that's my go-to yeah right baked potato with nothing on it and a side salad is the hunk's go-to he's not good that's all starch you got to have some protein yeah what do you know about hunks he's a prote goat whoa what do i know about i'm just saying you're talking about a meal that's like you know it doesn't have any protein in it the prote goat he's the greatest of all time

scroat coat

it's a fruit go scroat

he's a proto scroat goat proto throat coat's my favorite tea.

People think I'm insane.

I mean, that's my favorite flavor.

Throat coat.

Throat coat, prote goat, scroat goat.

He's the prote goat, scroat coat, throat coat.

If you drank throat coat just regularly, would it like, would you sound like Wagger's Judge or something?

Like,

what do you think?

If you had nice sweet sounds.

I would be a completely different person.

I like Oz.

My name's Onimo.

He's a scroat throat coat.

Sounds like Mel Tourme, the Velvet Fog.

Thank you.

What?

You know, you know, Mel Tourme?

Who's that?

Great old crooner.

Oh, yeah.

They used his music in the film,

the one that Quentin Tarantino made, where they're in Hollywood.

Once Upon a Time in Hollywood.

Oh, no, no, no.

That's one of my favorites.

It's a great song.

This is a great soundtrack.

Also, what a crystal clear description of that movie.

The Quentin Tarantino movie in Hollywood.

Oh, yeah, I know what you're talking about.

It's right to the point.

And everyone, and I was like, it was the most, nobody interrupted anyone.

You let me just like fumble to find.

I didn't think I was going to listen to me.

I thought he was just like kind of torn me.

And everyone's like,

what?

I love you so much.

I literally was here going, my friend's in trouble.

My friend's in trouble.

My eyes were slack.

I saw it.

I was like, where is it?

I only talk when people are talking.

No, I don't talk.

I literally was worried.

I'm like,

go in and tell me.

I was glad I found the words.

I could see that you were in trouble.

And you weren't even going to help me out.

But I didn't know what to say.

No, you didn't know what to do.

You're supposed to run over and tackle me, just distract.

Oh, we certainly don't know what to do.

Nick and I.

I knew you were fucked.

Yeah, but I found it.

It worked out great.

Yeah.

Look, if you're in the improv scene and you're fumbling around, if you look on the back line, you see me.

There's no savior there.

You're fucked.

Just go, I'm so glad I'm not in this one.

And then you go,

you did this to yourself.

Oh, yeah, you're fucked up.

You initiated the lady with the cape on, loser.

Look, today's a big sandwich day.

Yeah.

That's right.

You can't eat them.

I ate them all.

I was so excited to be.

Are you kidding?

I can and did.

We shouldn't eat.

We can't eat.

Sandwiches are bad for you.

How are sandwiches even that bad?

And I sort of think of sandwiches.

I do tacos.

I do a lot of tacos.

Yeah.

Sandwiches can't be that bad for you.

No, they're fine.

I literally just, I'm like a short gal.

It's fine.

She just knows her limits.

I know my limits and I love to fucking eat.

And so like,

if I'm going to have a sub, I want like the 18-inch.

I don't want like a little finger sandwich.

What a sub you order order today.

And

we should have asked the commissioner this

because I tried some of your sub.

Can I rank

my opinion on what you're doing?

You can't speak for the commissioner on it.

He said it's one on fun.

So I think that I think to each individual, their judgment is what they ordered, right?

But if you go to a restaurant, we're all friends, right?

So we're then I was like, oh, let me try a bite.

Like, I get the idea of like, cause I've never been to Jersey Mike.

So I was so excited.

And like, I was very into it.

So I got a hot sub and a cold sub because I wanted to really be like, let me give this.

I didn't know what.

I did some research of what to get.

And I was like, cause I wanted to give the chain.

This is important.

Much madness is important.

I wanted to sort of have an idea of what they had.

So from my, if I go to a restaurant, I taste my friend's food, then I really kind of understand like, okay, this is representing Jersey Mike's to me.

I think the overarching rule is you got to trust your own gut.

And so if that, if your judgment is going to to be swayed by a bite you had of someone else's food, then I think that's okay.

I think as long as you're saying what's in your heart, what's in your belly in terms of what is the superior chain, I think you're doing your new deal.

I asked the commissioner,

we're going to get a official verdict soon.

To me, it feels like you want to, like, this is important.

This is not just any episode.

This is munch madness, you know?

Like, you want to really like

give the, I tried as much as I could of the chain today.

Let's back it up a second because you said this was your first visit to Jersey Mike's.

This was also your maiden voyage to Wendy's.

Is that correct?

I haven't had Wendy's in a long time.

I've never in a long time.

I've never had their chicken.

I've had burgers, but I haven't had their chicken and I've never had their frosty.

So that's what it is.

You've never had the chicken, never had their fries.

Everything I had today, I've never had.

Yeah, and I believe you've never had their fries because they updated their fries today.

I've never had their fries.

That was extremely disappointing to me.

I didn't know they updated the fries, and I love Wendy's fries, how they were.

I was at McDonald's.

I felt sad about that.

Yeah.

Because this is something I've been very upset with on the whole.

It's honestly a big problem because they're not as good they were really good they were a they were a long thick puffy fry like still a thin not too not that big steak fry like it was like a nice classic fry golden yellow golden yellow dip it in the frosty perfect combination i did they added skin they did and i dipped the i dipped it in the frosty and it was just not it just wasn't right i knew i dip i got fries in a frosty yeah i did vanilla yeah and i but i had my friend bridget who i had lunch with today told me to dip the fries in the frosty.

And then I was at Trader Joe's, and the gentleman helping me when I was checking out, he said, you got to dip the fries.

You tell everyone what you're doing.

All day.

Everyone announced it.

People love it.

They love it now.

But people were excited.

They were excited for it.

And I was excited too.

I mean, I used to get that.

We used to drive very far out of our way in high school to get the fries and frosty.

Wow.

We would drive for, you know, 45 minutes just as a way to hang

out.

It was three minutes for those fries.

Yeah,

I wouldn't drive.

I wouldn't walk a step for the fries.

I kept wondering.

Wow.

I ate half of my box.

How long ago, though, like when fast food is delivered and you're like, I kept wondering,

is it because I'm not there?

Like, would these fries have been a lot better piping hot if I'm right there?

Amelia picked up the Wendy's order and drove it straight here.

The Wendy's order.

It was picked up.

I was like, I'm going to have to, like, cooler to keep it hot and fresh longer.

Hopefully.

Okay, so

how many minutes till I arrive?

I have to say, I imagined you guys having a way to keep it hot.

Like I thought you had this idea.

Yeah.

I would say from restaurant to mouth, about 10 to 12 minutes.

That's a lot for a fries.

That's not too long.

But that's not too long.

That's not a good time.

That's what I'm saying.

What the fries were, that's really good.

The fries should still be good.

The fries should be great.

Bro, is I'm saying that if I waited 12 minutes for my McDonald's fries, because I think I love McDonald's friends.

I think you would still find them to be good.

Okay.

Yeah, because these were, and again, I love French fries.

These were not good.

Look, that's not what we're judging it on.

We're judging it on chicken.

We're judging it on chicken.

The frosty was great.

And I love the chicken skin.

Rocked my song.

The frosty was great.

You can't judge it by the frosty.

The frosties were good.

Shout out to Wendy's.

I loved my Frosty.

The Frosties are good.

Yeah.

We like Wendy's.

We think that they've gone downhill a little bit, Wags and I.

We recently did a chain rescue episode with our buddy Jason Sheridan about Wendy's decline.

And I think this is a thing of

I was worried about Wendy's going in because I am, I have a lot of allegiance to Wendy's.

I always viewed it as like kind of like a little bit more esteemed among the core four burgeries.

It felt like a real burger.

It felt like the wheel burger place.

A step above.

And, you know, but now with the entry of places like Five Guys, I know these have been, these are long established now, but like, you know, five guys in a shake shack, other places doing like the elevated fast casual.

What do you mean?

So Wendy's is kind of occupy, has kind of declined a little bit in comparison.

In-n-Out is still so good.

Well, In N Out still great, but do you think they should?

I think In-N should make nuggets.

I think it's a huge oversight problem.

Wow.

Their burgers are so they are, but I think they really need a nugget option.

I love their burgers.

Like, I just think you need that.

I preach and respect to you.

I respect and preach.

I think they would make like sort of steak and shake style, like a, you know, battered, yummy sort of.

Yeah.

You just, you give me a lot to think about.

You did go online.

This couch really got rocked over here.

They don't alter their menu all that often.

The last menu item they added, I believe, was hot chocolate.

And that was like, you know.

it's kind of weird.

Yeah,

what?

In LA?

Yeah, and that was

who's demanding that.

Before that, it was maybe coffee was the last thing they added.

Like, they don't update their menu all that often.

So, like,

seismic deposits.

Fries are so salty and good.

Their burgers are incredible.

Oh my god, I've never had it one of the shakes because the shakes are so thick you can't get it out.

It's incredible.

Their burgers are so good.

And the fries are so salty.

I love a burger and a fry.

Yeah, when I was pregnant, the In-N-Out burger was like my go-to.

Like, I got that all the time.

Yeah, I dude.

And I would just sit there and be like,

yeah.

So good.

Yeah.

My car, like, yeah, baby.

The black and white shake from In-N-Out.

Very, very good shake.

I don't know a black and white.

What does that mean?

Chocolate and vanilla.

Is it a twist?

Yeah, they're not so secret menu.

It's really good.

Wait, what is it?

Does it look like a twist?

Like a.

Oh, it's just half and half, basically, right, wise?

you can get a combination of any any of the flavors it's like just there's a neapolitan which is all three oh girl and then

and then let's go there black and white shake is chocolate vanilla the the look we're not talking in and out that's right we will be at some point during the tournament of champions

of champions

well so so so you want to do in and out just to understand how it's going to work chicken is just like possibly knocked out at this point or sandwiches are knocked out at this point one of these is going to lose one of these

type of thing that's brought in like that's right okay okay so like burger or something so okay great yes so okay so the thing that you can basically the thing that you can judge it on today is the chicken i gotta say this okay i had a spicy chicken sandwich wages yeah and i opened up and i ate the whole thing and i really loved it i gotta say i had the chicken nuggets which i've never had from wendy's and I liked them a lot.

I had the chicken nuggets and I didn't know to get the spicy.

I would have gotten the spicy, but I thought, okay, it's called original.

Let's just get the classic.

It was delicious, but the nuggets were incredible.

The nuggets were really good.

The nuggets were incredible.

And the sandwich was great.

Yeah.

And then I had a bite of your sandwich.

Delicious.

I also had a burger, which it feels different than how it used to be.

That's, I think it's, I think, like, you know, like everything.

Wendy's is just,

it's, it's a bit of a shadow of its former self.

I haven't had Wendy's in 20 years.

Oh, wow.

I just realized.

The pickle was good.

I got the reason I picked the original and not the spicy because the spicy had no pickle.

So I put the pickle in.

Oh, see, I was deleting things left and right.

Whoa.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

I'm afraid of certain toppings.

Whoa.

Like what?

Pickles.

I love

mayo, mustard.

Whoa.

We're not judging any of this food, but I just want to say this quickly.

I wonder how you'll feel.

You love skin on chicken.

I do.

Do you like skin on the potatoes?

Because I do not.

Keep the skin off the potatoes.

I don't need to taste the skin.

And I'm honestly bake potato because I was really excited about the Wendy's fries today.

And when I came in and they were kind of like, like a little smushed old vibe, they were bad.

It wasn't good.

Let me put it this way.

I already ordered for today, and I knew I was sitting and eating in one sitting.

And I went out for lunch beforehand.

I got two subs from Jersey Mice.

I got a sandwich.

I got nuggets.

And I got fries because I was so excited.

And a frosty.

The fries.

I was so excited for the fries.

They sucked ass.

Yeah, yeah.

They were immediately very disappointing.

It was like eating a little wet cloth.

Wages, Wages email, we texted on the Doughboy side, and he was like, Do they know we're just judging chicken from Wendy's?

I wanted to, I still wanted to enjoy my like, you know, I didn't know what was going to happen with the chicken, so I had to have a burger in case the chicken went inside.

I really loved it.

I think that it was, I think it was the right thing.

I feel like I wanted to give Wendy's a chance.

Like, okay, Wendy's, what do you got?

Also, it was my chance to eat Wendy's for the first time in 20 years, where I was kind of excited about it.

Same.

Simple, same, same, same, same, same, same, same, same, same, same.

And here's the thing.

I love that

spicy chicken sandwich.

It was good today.

It was hitting, as you would say, Wages.

The only thing that wasn't hitting, and David Cross will find this out when he gets home.

The lettuce.

The lettuce on his back.

I threw lettuce.

I threw lettuce all over David Cross.

And he said, you threw lettuce on me.

And I was like, yes, I did.

I'm sorry.

And he said, no, you're not.

And then I said, I sincerely am.

And he was like, okay.

Yes.

I felt like he did accept my apology.

He did accept your apology.

Yeah, very much.

And then we explained him what the podcast was.

And then he left.

And then I said, Munch madness, like March Madness.

And he was like, yeah, I get that.

I'm David Cross.

And then he left.

That was our interaction with David Cross.

No, but the nuggets, though, the nuggets.

The nuggets.

Let's hear what the nuggets.

Now, I love a chicken.

I'm a Mickey D's guy.

I'm a McNugget person.

I love it.

Come on.

Is there a better, is there a better nugget than the McNugget?

No.

You know what I'm into right now?

At home, are Jack and Annie's jackfruit nuggets?

Wow, interesting.

Those are really good.

What do you guys do?

He's in the air fryer?

Okay.

Yeah.

I want to come over for one.

Wonderful.

Do you eat them or is it just for the growth?

I just shove them up my ass.

No, I eat them.

My kids eat them and I eat them.

I want one.

Do they have protein with the dealer jacket?

They do, I believe.

Something on the box looked like it was like positive.

How do you use an air fryer?

You just stick it in and press the brain.

I have a small one, and it just only does one thing.

It's the same temperature, and you just turn the dial, and it's just, that's how much time it is at that temperature.

Yeah,

come do it.

You'll like it.

It's good.

Great.

Yeah.

But that's what I eat at home.

But if I'm going out to a fast food, I love a nugget.

But I do, actually, almost a steak.

Yeah, but a steak and shake, like a tender.

Are we putting tenders in the same category?

I think tendees are kind of, yeah, I think they're adjacent.

I mean, like, I say McDonald's, McNuggets are the McNuggets.

So good.

Yeah.

Well, it's one of those things where they're specifically McDonald's-owned.

And because they kind of invented the nugget, the idea of like, you know, taking this meat and compressing it into this, this really unnatural form that you They invented a nugget?

Yeah, the nugget was not a thing until McDonald's invented it.

That's crazy.

Yeah, it was a way to.

If they've gotten like enough compensation,

I think, I honestly think they should get more compensation.

We should get them more compensation.

So every company that's making a nugget is basically a derivative.

Yeah, it's all derived.

Oh, that's nuts.

A way to use

Do-a-thon too, and we did it to raise money for McDonald's.

Not the charity, but specifically for McDonald's.

Just for McDonald's.

Not for Ronald McDonald's.

I just had a flashback of a person that I went on a few terrible dates with by a few, I mean, more than that, who used to say this phrase like, oh, yeah, that's clutch.

That's really clutch.

I was like, that just grounds alone to break up with somebody.

Those nuggets, you know, don't tell me.

You know, you know.

That sounds cool as well.

Those nuggets are clutch.

Those nuggets are really clutch.

I was like, what?

Let me guess.

He's been on the Doughboys like nine times.

Clutch, clutch.

Yeah, we'll make a checkout to the Ray Kroc Foundation or whatever the fuck it is.

We have, I think that he needs it.

Those nuggets, the Wendy's nuggets.

Donald Duck.

Thank you.

Exceeded.

Oh my God.

So there was a code phrase and it was understood.

Got it.

Or you were being literal.

I'm actually pretty shocked.

That's who was saying that, but okay.

Yeah, Donald Duck would say clutch a lot.

Clutch.

Okay.

Cute.

That was cute.

Okay.

It was a very bad impression of all.

The Wendy's nuggets, I, you know, do not, it's not a regular thing I get.

The last time we had them, Mitch, was we had the Wendy's sauced nuggets, which are, I think, just a big whiff.

I just don't, I just don't think that that ex that version of a nugget was.

I eyed that.

I almost got that.

They were these crazy, saucy nuggets.

And I was like, I just literally was like, it almost was like, you want the blue, the green.

I was like, there's too crazy looking.

The sauced nuggets are unnecessary, but I think the regular nuggets and the ones we had today was quite good.

The blue and green.

I don't think, I don't know if it goes.

I don't think they were colored.

It felt like

it's like one's blue slime, one's green slime.

There is a very orangey-looking slime.

It was like a rubber.

And when you get like the tinned of like popcorn, and they're like, they felt like they were too coated and things.

And we don't find like that.

Do you remember that bright colored popcorn in the 90s?

Yeah.

That was like, yeah,

yeah.

Neon green.

Neon green.

It felt like that, but chicken.

yeah

i i so the the nuggets what exceeded expectations i'm i'm thinking of when this is insane

believable this is insane it is insane tell me if you're property karen it does not happen

how many of you had been doing this this does not happen yeah karen haven't been doing this because if we're the way of your life feels like it's gonna up your life yeah if this had happened while we were watching the monkey the three times during a 90-minute film this you would have you would have loved it hey something entertaining would have been happening at the theater.

This feels like it's adding stress to your life.

This is crazy.

I've looked and I've saw what it is.

It is just a crazy.

It's a crazy.

This never happened.

It's a crazy person?

I've had this on since my house almost got a broken person.

No, I know.

Wait, what'd you see?

No, there is no,

there's nothing truly crazy.

But it is weird that this is happening.

The frequency with which it's happening.

Yeah.

Because it would not normally happen.

It's the same guy that I saw before.

It's the same guy.

He's just hanging out.

It's the same Amazon guy.

Yeah.

What the fuck is he doing?

I don't know.

I mean, let me know.

He actually shouldn't be back there and he shouldn't be back right now.

Yes, I know.

It is bizarre.

He was just there.

He was just there.

Did you?

How much did you order from Amazon?

Yeah, you have like a subscriber.

You should go back and come back.

No, there's something weird.

There's something weird going on with that.

We're going to need to look into that.

Thank you, Lafayette.

Do you regularly get it?

I accidentally did a subscribe and save to like a modium.

And I remember I got got I had like 10,000 like diarrhea.

I was like, well, someone like I don't know.

I think I was like, okay, in case I have to drink from a river

trick you into doing subscribing.

I didn't mean to and I was like, oh my god, like how much diarrhea does Jeff Bezos think I have?

He keeps tabs on what everyone orders.

For sure.

He's up in that.

He took a piss on the back of my house.

Because I know that they don't get to take bathroom breaks if he went around like that.

You know what?

If that's the case, then please piss away.

I don't know.

He's pissing on your house.

Let it out, bud.

He's got a big thing, a mural axe.

Big boy.

Oh.

Super size, a Costco-size Muralax.

Get it out.

Get it out of there.

Get it out, Carol.

Good for you.

Every day.

Wendy's has fallen on hard times.

Wendy's has declined.

And I feel like if we evaluated Wendy's on the totality of its offerings, including the fries, it would not look.

as good as it did today because let me tell you that Wendy's spicy chicken sandwich was hitting.

I was like, this is peak performance from Wendy's.

The nuggets were fantastic.

The nuggets were great.

And the lettuce wasn't good.

The lettuce wasn't even that, like, the lettuce was a little wilted.

It was like old product, but it was, but it was, that said, it was still like a really good execution of the Wendy's spicy chicken sandwich.

It was a bite into a memory.

It was like, this is what I love about this chain.

And

that should be their slogan: a bite into a memory.

That's a good slogan.

I don't think I coined it, but yeah.

I did.

Okay.

Trademark, I should say it's trademarked.

All right, it's trademarked.

Trademark.

TM.

TM, TM, TM.

This This is R, C, whatever it takes.

The Jersey Mike's number seven.

I mailed it to myself.

Jersey Mike's number seven with turkey and provolone.

Now, this is a sandwich I get more frequently than anything.

This is a go-to for me.

And I believe this is also your go-to sandwich.

It's my go-to.

I love the number seven.

Very solid sandwich.

And I got it.

I didn't.

Yeah.

But I, but I was like, I had it and I was like, you know what?

This is Jersey Mike's.

And again, I think if I'm thinking of all of Jersey Mike's offerings, I maybe have a little bit of a different evaluation versus like in the same way that all of Jersey Mike's offerings I think might raise its ceiling a little bit, having all of Wendy's offerings might lower the floor a little bit, if that makes sense.

Because I feel like they're like Wendy's worst is

gonna make things sink, but I but but Jersey Mike's best is going to make it elevate.

I didn't necessarily have Jersey Mike's best.

I had Jersey Mike's most solid, so maybe that was that was user error on my part, but it was still like worst now.

It's fries for fuck's sake.

Those fries, I mean, I'm sure there's other items.

Some of their seasonal offerings really don't work, though.

I mean, those sauce nuggets are still clinging to the menu for some reason or just like a complete whiff.

Um, I got an update from order.

Yeah, I got, I got an update from sus.

Okay.

Can we judge our rankings on someone else's sandwich?

Like, I took a bite of Arden's.

Does that count?

His response, yes.

Okay.

Second text.

Wait.

Third text.

No.

Wow.

Wow.

So we cannot.

It doesn't even matter that you ate a nugget.

No, I had my own nugget.

I ordered my own nugget.

Okay.

I thought you had someone.

It does matter for me.

Yeah.

Because you loved my sandwich.

Because you got a steak and cheese sandwich, a Philly cheese.

Was the Philly cheese?

I'll tell you what I ordered.

Thank you for asking.

I pulled it up because I take this seriously.

This is my main job.

I had, from Jersey Mike's, two sandwiches because I've never been there.

I got a cold sub and a hot sub.

I've heard so much about it.

People love it.

You know, I'm a D'Angelos girl.

Okay.

I had, now, is Jersey Mics a West Coast chain?

Like, why did it, why?

No, it's actually from Jersey.

And so that's the name Jersey Mike.

Yeah, it's not, it's not Solan Bell.

It originated in Jersey and

they have shore points because of their history, the Jersey Shore.

So, but yeah, it's nationwide now.

We're just D'Angelo, which is regional.

Shore what?

Shore points.

That's through their app.

Okay.

Okay, so I got two.

I got the hot Mike's Famous Philly, which is like a Philly cheese cheesesteak.

Yes.

And then I got, so that was the number 17th.

And then I got the veggie, cold one on rosemary Parmesan, and I added hot honey.

Veggie, cold one on rosemary, Parmesan.

So I wanted a cold sub.

So I got the veggie one.

Hot honey.

Hot honey to veggie.

That is what I wanted to do.

Can I tell you?

I don't know how to like just

hot.

It's like spicy honey.

Yeah, yeah.

Okay.

I just love a honey.

Okay, let me just start with.

Honey's an interesting sandwich.

Like a mustard honey.

It's like a mustard.

Like honey mustard.

Like honey mustard.

Hot honey mustard.

Mustard honey.

No, it's not honey.

It's like hot honey.

That was interesting.

It might be hot honey.

Don't they have just a hot honey right now?

Is there any pushy?

I think it's a hot honey.

You don't know what you have.

Here's the thing.

The steak was so fucking good.

It was delicious.

It was so.

And by the way,

can I tell you,

I would never think.

The gentleman that checked me out at Trader Joe's was like, you got a Philly, not in Philly.

And I was like, yeah.

He's like, they're not going to do a good Philly cheesesteak.

It was incredible.

Do you know how happy that Trader Joe's guy was to have like a topic to go with?

He asked, he goes, what do you think?

You know, they always want to talk.

They have to do what you're doing today.

I was like, well,

let me give you the whole lowdown, buddy.

I already know.

I'm a Philly cheese steak.

I did this.

I did that.

You slowed.

We slowed danced.

We were engaged.

He, yeah.

He walked to a circle.

No, but somebody told me also, my friend Bridget said that the veggie is really good.

I just felt, I felt like I was already having so much meat today.

So I was like, I wanted to get the, I wanted to get the, like that, when they put the vinegar and the oil and this, and the spices.

It's a Mike's way.

I got it.

Mike's way.

Yeah.

I got Mike's way, and I have thoughts about that.

Okay.

The steak was so good.

I'm excited to hear this.

Yeah, because the hot subs don't come for people who don't know frequent Jersey Mike's.

The hot subs do not come Mike's way.

That's that's not how they're

gonna quickly take a side detour here.

Yeah, you're you're you're the snack queen.

I've heard that.

Yes.

Uh do you do you do a lot of Trader Joe's snacks or no?

I love Trader Joe's snacks.

There's a lot to love about that place.

I like their blue cheese chips.

I like their horseradish chips.

You know where I think they really thrive?

Is frozen treats?

Yeah, they got good frozen treats.

I like a mochi ball.

I'm talking mochi.

I'm talking the iced cookie ice cream sandwich is like the best thing in the world.

It's 450 calories, so you got to strap in, but it's really good.

I get a lot.

I mean, I try a lot of their stuff at the holidays when hosting, and they really deliver with like a chocolate mixed in with a potato chip.

I love chocolate-covered chips.

I got that from the chip.

They'll really, they'll do a lot.

I've covered my own chips in chocolate they do a great work over there i love flavors yeah

go on about your yeah

oh you have thoughts oh no no no i just i was just wondering i i i i cheesesteak was so good that it made me sad for wendy's because my individual sandwich that one that one sandwich was so

fucking good

that i was like girl

I'm gonna have to leave my wife for you.

Like, it's gonna

bring up my marriage with the nuggets.

It was a problem.

My sandwich, which is, I got the turkey, which I would get, I get turkey sandwich pretty much everywhere that I would get a sandwich from.

I, and so we hold hands like Ariana Granada.

We'll just be questioning each other the whole thing.

People are holding space for sure.

She's Mike's versus Wendy's.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Let me zoom in on that.

Okay.

So when I got the Mike's way turkey sandwich, what happened was

a lot of intentionality.

I thought Mike's way actually, that's how I want it.

Okay.

That's what I put on it typically.

All the things that were on Mike's way.

It came so unexciting.

The way it was presented, it was like maybe the person wanted to go home.

I don't know.

I felt like what it was was like, there was like barely any tomato, barely any lettuce, like a thick thing of turkey, barely any onions, just kind of smushed in.

And it was just, I like to have it be like a lot of lettuce, a lot of tomatoes, kind of like, oh, you were going to chow chow without Wendy's.

And I ate so much Wendy's today.

I was not expecting that.

No, you were.

I was thinking, I'm only going to be really into the Jersey Mics, but I'll try the Wendy's.

You didn't even want the Jersey Mics.

That is the first time I was going to be able to do it.

Yeah, to be flying the Wendy's,

you did really get into the Frosty.

The Frosty was great.

Oh, there are things.

No, like, if I was only eating the Nuggets, I would have had to keep eating the sandwich because it wouldn't have been enough food.

But I ordered enough things that Wendy's to bounce.

It was just about the nuggets, though.

The Wendy's was way more exciting.

The nuggets were.

But you were excited about the nuts.

The nuggets were leaps and bounds above the sandwich, sweetie.

Sweetie.

Like I'm not even exaggerating.

The sandwich wasn't good.

I didn't even want to take it home.

But you didn't try my e-trushita.

I didn't want what you had.

You didn't see it.

I'll tell you.

You didn't see it before 15 Mels was all over.

She

wrote hard.

But I wouldn't even be able to add that to my...

my review anyway.

I feel very hurt on behalf of Jersey Mike's that you can't.

I'm sad for them that that's what I was given today because I thought for sure it was going to slam dunk over Wendy.

My sandwich

was a star, baby girl.

Tell her.

Tell her.

A hot sandwich was good.

And a star was born.

That's that.

That's your daughter.

Do they ever do the cold sandwiches hot?

Like, can you go, like, I want this hot?

No, they're pretty bifurcated on their menu.

And I, I have a thing.

They are very bifurcated.

I have a thing.

Bifurcated.

Yeah, they're very bifurcated.

They're split into two different categories.

You don't quite question it too much.

You don't have to ask me what bifurcated means, for example.

What is bifurcated?

They're very bifurcated.

But it's like they're split into two categories.

There's a bottom.

Hot, cold.

Hot, cold.

You don't get to go mix and good.

Like, fucking awesome and disappointing.

Yeah, I mean, I like Jersey Mike's as cold sandwiches.

And I will get Jersey Mike's 10 times as often as I get Wendy's.

Because Wendy's is an indulgence.

And Jersey Mike's is like a solid lunch.

And did you have a bite of my sandwich?

I did have a bite of your sandwich.

Wasn't it a gorgeous girl?

That was transcendent.

I thought it was delicious.

This is where tournament of chompions gets a little confusing for me.

Exactly.

Because it's like, would I eat Jersey Mike's again?

Of course.

Would I eat Winnie's again?

It might be another 20 years.

I don't know what's going to happen there.

But today, if I'm talking about those two items, that's what I'm basing it on.

I feel like we need to get the commissioner on the Madden is a bunch of madness.

We need to get the commissioner on the phone.

No, we've talked to him too much.

I think that this, but I feel like now Jersey Mike's, that sandwich should put it to the next level.

And I should, but the commissioner made a ruling.

Your sandwich was weird.

My sandwich was, look, what'd you get?

I got the Buffalo chicken cheese steak, and it's a thing I get a lot, and I do like it quite a bit.

Did you get that because it was a chicken matchup?

You know what?

Was that part of the calculator?

That wasn't the reason.

I actually genuinely like that as the hot sauce there.

And that's what I get.

And I think it's just Frank's red hot sauce, blue cheese, lettuce and tomato, and then

their

chicken philly, like, you know, not cheese steak, but chicken cheese or whatever.

And it's, and it's good.

It was bad today.

It was over sauced.

It was very saucy.

It was a little cold.

There was just like, there were, and there is that issue with the toppings, but I had a bite of that

of the Philly cheesesteak, and it took me back in time.

It's so hot sub-time machine.

I was back to being a little boy.

That's really good.

There was even a little bit of a tang to it.

Excuse me.

There was a tang to it, like, like whatever the cheese and the sauce, there was like, I don't know what, what flavor this is.

It was incredible.

It reminded me of being a little boy at D'Angelo's.

It was a great teaching.

Yes,

it was very D'Angelo's.

You were a spokesperson for.

You love D'Angelo's.

So that was like, you bit that, and it was like that moment in Ratatouille when he just shrinks into a little boy.

Yeah, yeah.

Did you guys see that?

Yeah,

did you see the little blonde-haired kid at the table?

I did a new shrink.

I did.

I saw you.

You were so cute.

And then you grew back up.

You're like, oh, Dick's the same size.

Something must have happened then.

Just trying to get back down again.

I also don't know about your thumbs up on Ratatouille.

Predatouille.

Predatoury.

Some of those lady rats and Ratatouille.

I met Janine Garoffilo in that movie.

Yeah, she's so surprising.

She's fantastic.

She's such a good performance.

She's a good one.

My thumbs up.

Great movie.

Yeah, you know what?

Honestly, yeah.

She's awesome.

The character is hot.

That's hot.

That check is hot.

I go to Jersey Mike's more.

I get the number seven.

I get that number seven a lot more than I get Wendy's.

That's what you had.

That's what I have, yeah.

But let me tell you, speaking of holding space,

guess what wasn't holding space?

My tummy.

Wow.

After that spicy chicken sandwich.

He was alive.

Because I ate the whole spicy chicken sandwich.

I didn't.

Even with your cheesesteak, which now I can't rank according to Susser's rules,

I can't rate your cheesesteak versus the spicy chicken, but

that...

It would be tight.

It's tight no matter what.

And do I take in past considerations?

I'm not supposed to.

It's supposed to be this meal.

But I think that this is a close one for me still.

Wow.

I love Wendy's.

It used to be one of my favorites.

I don't know which way I'm going.

It's going to be interesting.

I can't believe it's even close because what was delivered to me was it was night and day.

I mean, what I had an insane

chicken sandwich.

I did, but the steak was so insanely.

The steak was problematically good.

Like the steak is going to ruin break up families.

Like dad's leaving for his secretary now.

Like it's a problem.

It's like, it was too hot to handle.

Like, it's unsustainable.

Like, this is, it was so good that I can't believe it's even a close race.

Cause if everyone had that, had that, it would be, if everybody ordered the steak,

I feel like it would be a no-brainer.

I don't know.

I don't know.

Oh, okay.

I think it would be close.

But you think, look,

the votes aren't in yet.

We don't know.

I'm comparing Arden's.

Philly cheesesteak and my Wendy's spicy chicken.

Okay.

Two hot bites.

Two hot bites.

Which of those would I rather finish?

I think it's that Wendy spicy chicken.

I'm being honest.

You love chicken, though.

I do love chicken.

You love chicken.

You love chicken.

I do love chicken.

And I have nostalgia for that Wendy's spicy chicken.

Now, look,

Jersey Mike's comes into this competition juggernaut.

But it's possible there's going to be a race happening here.

I know what side I'm on.

I know who's racing for Jersey Mike's.

I really thought

what I'll say, and I go going back to the way this is being judged as per the rules declared by Commissioner Susser,

I think that

if it's all of Jersey Mike's versus all of Wendy's, even though that does not open up that much more of Jersey Mike's menu, I still think because of

Wendy's other offerings bringing it down, that that's a walkover for Jersey Mike's.

I think Jersey Mike's wins pretty easily in that scenario, but that's not that's not what we're doing today.

In what scenario?

If all of both menus are on the table,

if we're just like everything from Wendy's versus everything from Jersey Mike's.

I think Jersey Mike's Wendy's bristles it down.

I think Jersey Mike's Wendy's down.

Those fries are really bad.

Fries are really bad.

Wouldn't you rather have some Ms.

Vicki's potato chips?

Yes.

Sure, but that also, to me, is like, I get what you're saying.

Yeah.

Yeah.

And also, like I said, how about some wild cherry fountain Pepsi from Jersey Mike's?

That's always hitting.

Jersey.

But that also, you named like two products.

I mean, like,

they don't make that, but yeah.

The brownie at Jersey Mike's fantastic.

We talked about that.

I was eyeing the Snickerdoodle.

They have good

patch desserts there.

The Italian sub the italian sub is i mean look i this probably got the frosty the frosty

fabulous i love a frosty frosty was uncottable the toss is out of the swollen it's gorgeous i loved it

i had a taste of both frosties and i will say it was out of the swirl they were gorgeous they were gorgeous

i

it's hard to i think we have to

i think we have to do a countdown in a vote wise i think that there's no other

what or do you think that there's more to talk about here no i mean like they i think we've all said i can't or should we reveal it one by one, survivor style?

That's something we've never done.

We got to write it down.

We have to write it down.

Oh, we did do that one.

Should we do it again?

I was ready to go.

I was ready to go.

We could.

I think we should all scream it at the same time.

I think we should count down from three to one.

We got to put it on our notes in our notes.

No, no, screaming, screaming.

We'll count down from three and we'll say it to one and we'll say it in unison.

In unison.

Oh, I like the writing it down.

All right, fine.

We'll fuck it up.

No, no, no.

It doesn't.

Hey, look, Mike's way is at Jersey the Mike's.

It doesn't have to be at Doughboys.

We won't do Mike's way here.

It will be better for our audio listeners for us to yell it out loud.

Yeah, definitely.

Okay, here we go.

All right, we'll count down from three to one.

Wait.

Can we write down and reveal it and yell it out when we reveal it?

Okay, so write down from three to

three.

We'll lay once you get the whiteboards.

I think we maybe only have three whiteboards.

We don't need to get the whiteboards.

It'll be fine.

We'll just write it on your device.

I'm not too late.

It's happening.

She's gone.

I don't know where she is.

Okay.

Lapkis, your partner's name is Mike.

We're going to Jersey Mike's, having Mike's way.

You're talking to Mike Mitchell.

Are you ever like,

I can't get away from it?

Do you want to get another name in this world?

Because I always feel that way.

Like, when I'm, when I counter my wife's name in the wild, it's such a her name is a common name, but it's not so unusual where it's like, what the hell?

Yeah.

But like, I'll run into it.

Like, huh, how about that?

Yeah.

When I, when I read that it was going to be Mike's way, I felt pretty controlled and trapped.

Yeah.

Um, yeah.

But I allowed it to go through.

I was triggered.

Yeah, yeah.

I was triggered, Snowflake.

Such that I am.

When I drive along and I see Arden Boulevard, I'm like, I better be owning all that real estate.

Okay, I get a scrap of paper.

Everyone else gets a white paper.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

I think I'm on the traitor.

I'm going to wash the billionaire and pull that out of the trash.

I fucking traders.

Trash paper?

Oh, you're using fucking trash paper wages?

I'm going to borrow your.

It was clean.

It was on the top.

Don't you use wages, Mark.

I need your mac and when you die.

I'll put it in the trash.

Okay.

Don't look at my paper.

Uh-oh, I wonder what it is.

You cheater.

Shit, I tried to copy Lauren and I fucked myself.

Don't try to copy.

I've written down my answer.

Hey, Arden, I don't know what to put.

I don't know my own flavor profile.

What are you going to put?

I'm scared.

D'Angelo's.

Deus, obviously,

as Susser explained, your vote does not count unless there's a tiebreaker.

That feels bad.

Did you all have leanings going in?

I'm afraid I'll lose my job if I say.

Okay, all right.

Well, I'm not asking for a verdict right now.

I'm just saying.

Maybe he could fire us if we.

I don't know if he has firing power.

I don't think Susser can hire and fire.

Maybe he can.

I don't know.

Honestly, I don't know.

Killian did get fired last time.

That's true.

The last time.

Oh, that's true.

You did get fired at one point, I think.

Yeah, well, when

Koalak was fired.

That was Commissioner Koala.

Commissioner Koala.

Right, right.

Yeah.

He was just power-hungry.

I don't think he actually had that power.

Mitch, what are you writing down?

Yeah.

Working on that for a while.

Like this.

Wait, you should use it.

But, like, do we just hold it and then we all screw it up?

Count down from three to one, reveal our reveal our answer and say our answer in unison.

We'll count down from three to one and pick a winner who will decide if we're mer people.

Three, two,

one.

Wow.

That's actually shocking.

Wendy gave it the thumbs up.

I gave the Wendy's.

You thought it was a no-brainer.

I gave the Wendy's lady a thumbs up, the seal of approval.

I thought he was going to say Jersey might.

I knew it wasn't Jersey.

I thought he might too.

He hated his sandwich.

He liked mine.

I liked Arden's sandwich.

If it was steak and cheese, it would have been a much closer.

I love the Buffalo chicken cheese steak.

I didn't order that to, but I, but that's the rules.

The Wendy lady get my horny seal of a floor.

I like those braids.

That's me at the counter at Wendy's.

I like those braids.

Wendy's got a brand.

Do you want anything?

Wendy's got nice braids.

Oh, cool.

I'm also from Massachusetts.

Mitch, this is a shocker.

Quincy Mike votes out Jersey Mike.

Quincy Mike has voted out Jersey Mike.

Look, we went with Wendy's.

We went with our...

Amelia saw it brewing today as soon as she came in.

I mean, mean, once you submit, I thought that we

were doing it.

Do you think if my sandwich had been able, if the commission had let you vote,

I maybe would have written down Jersey Mike.

And then Lauren and I would be racing right now.

We would be running.

It would have happened, but it's not happening.

Wow.

Wayne.

Well, should I change it?

And he's one.

Should I change it to Jersey Mike so you guys race around the thing?

That is kind of funny.

That's okay.

Sorry.

By the way, the scrap of paper that Amelia got me is the outline for Wayne Brady's watch.

Oh, my God.

He writes his improv.

Oh my, this is a scandal of a century.

No, it just says, I'm Wayne Brady.

Welcome to the podcast and so on.

I wave very much.

Suffer susser levels of writing high.

What were you guys leaning towards?

What were you guys leaning towards?

I thought Jersey Mike's was going to win.

Yeah, we're going to go for the dance.

I would have voted Jersey Mike's 100%.

Yeah.

I'm a Jersey Mike's girl in general, but that Wendy's was hitting today.

And based on just this meal, I got spicy chicken nuggets.

And based on this particular outing, Wendy takes the cake.

For you to say that while wearing a Bada Bing t-shirt is really so damn good, that's saying a lot.

Donahue, what do you think?

Historically, I've liked Wendy's, but I also agree it's fallen off.

I didn't have it today.

Yeah.

And I've got Jersey Mike's in the fridge, so I was leaning Jersey Mics,

but this is shocking to me.

This is shocking.

It's a shock.

It's what the tournament of champions is all about.

You kept

the important part.

I couldn't erase my beautiful Wendy girl.

She's looking good.

Yeah, she looks good.

She's good.

She looks so good.

I think I'll be remembering that later.

I think I'll be remembering that.

Take that one to the headcount restroom and give it one of those.

You took off to the picture YouTuber.

It's a Robert Crumb move.

Very horny author used to be.

That's part of the advantages of being a dude.

Remember that from the film.

If you're a dude, you can draw whatever your heart desires and you can go and jackets.

All right, Roger.

That would be cool if you could do that.

That'd be so cool.

That'd be awesome.

Wow.

Wendy's moves on to the final final.

I can't believe it's what it's all about.

This is what it's all about.

This is the tournament of tournament of champions of champions.

Just like a restaurant.

Just like a restaurant.

Look, the Patriots upset the Rams in the Super Bowl.

That's in the first one.

I'm not going to bring up when they got upset.

But these things happen.

Yes.

Helmet catch.

18-0 season ruined.

18-1.

Eat shit.

Yeah, it was a huge, it was a crazy upset.

We don't even watch football.

But look, this is what happened.

If it was on its A game today, and Jersey Mike's, which is usually very consistent.

Mine was incredible.

The stake sub was great.

Going back to that Super Bowl, if Tom Brady had gotten to deflate the balls, maybe they would have won.

Deflate game.

Deflate game.

Deflate game.

Hey, just like a restaurant buyer would deflate game.

Just like a restaurant buyer feedback.

Let's open the the feedback.

Deflate gate.

Before we get into the feedback, Amelia, you have a little PSA on the feedback.

You go through these.

Yeah.

Folks.

Uh-oh.

Make your email shorter.

We don't have a lot of time by the end of the episode.

Just keep it

concise.

Just the question, your name, like Spoon Nation Burger Brigade or whatever.

But just keep it tight.

Thank you.

Keep it tight out there.

Keep it tight.

Now, hold on a second.

Does this come from Amelia or was this something you said to Amelia to you, you volunteered this.

You said you wanted there to be a PSA and I had you do it.

Yeah, these emails are getting longer and longer and longer.

Wow.

So yeah,

keep it tight out there.

That's the best chance you have of getting on the podcast.

Today's email is from Shane.

On that note, Shane writes, Below is a photo of my son's first birthday cake in the shape of a giant burger with sugar cookie fries and a Photoshop pic of him as Bob's big boy because we lovingly named him Beef.

Hold on.

Nicknamed him Beef.

I should clarify.

His legal name is not Beef, although that would be a Doughboys fan move.

Nick named him Beef.

If you could have a birthday cake in the shape of one food, what would it be?

Thanks to the laughs and Burger Brigade for Life.

Thanks, Shane.

Let me see if I can bring up a picture of this.

I had this up a second ago.

Over here.

If you can see it.

Oh, wow.

That's good.

Wow.

Yeah, we'll have this up on the YouTube as well.

It's a cool looking cake.

Now, here's the thing.

A lot lot of times you get those cakes.

We did get a lovely burger cake, actually.

Mitch from Patreon sent us one on our anniversary a little bit ago.

But sometimes you get those cakes.

That one was good, but sometimes there's so much fondant that they're not actually like all that flavor.

Fondant, too much fondant coating.

Too much fondant can be tough.

Here's a PSA.

The PSI in Tom Brady's footballs was normal.

Bill Nye can eat shit still to this day.

Bill Nye.

I don't know why I assume those cakes are ice cream cakes, but it's fondant.

Fondant, yeah.

Oftentimes they are fondant, but maybe they could be ice cream cakes.

I want to chew on fondant.

Fondant is not pleasant.

I just want one bite to chew on it and see how it is.

I think if you use parts, I mean, I think that so many of these cakes that are fancy, not all of them, use fondant.

I've said this before on the podcast.

I have an October baby.

True,

October 6th, 1982.

Obviously, don't use that info, please.

Okay.

I mean, I guess it's online.

Who cares?

Okay.

But my mom got me a stump of like a, like a, like a, like a tree tree stump.

It was like a haunted stump

of a tree.

Uh-huh.

And there was no fondant to be found.

And it was like one of the best cakes I've ever had in my life.

And it was all frosty.

If you can shape it out of frosting, you're really crushing.

What is fondant made of?

Why is it so sticky and thick?

I don't know.

It's a bunch of.

I mean, it's sugary.

It's super sugary.

Okay.

Okay.

I think, what would I have if I could have any shape?

I know.

I'm like, I really.

What food I would have?

Like an open pizza box?

That'd be fun.

That's cool.

That'd be fun.

right with a pizza in it with a pizza in it like a like a pizza yeah fondant is generally um sugar water gelatin which makes sense and then and then some sort of vegetable oil okay respect yeah yeah so it's it's not not the most flavorful substance but yeah i got that mold things a little bit i i think i would like the

look i it's it's it there's a one of my favorite like classic jokes is being so hungry you're looking at like uh you know for instance a dog and then they turn into a big plump turkey.

Yeah.

Like, I think that's really good.

Plump turkeys are fun.

I think,

well, no, I was going to say, I wouldn't mind, and Mitch, perhaps as an homage to your birthday boy sketch,

which has that joke, which is built around that joke.

Yeah.

Maybe Mitch's face on top of a turkey.

Oh,

and then that's a cake.

By the way, that just got, you just manifested that.

Somebody's going to make that really good.

My face on

a turkey body, but your face is on it.

So we're eating, like, I'm so hungry on a deserted island that I'm getting,

that I've decided to cannibalize you.

Thumbs up.

Okay, I think I know what mine would be.

I think my

thumbs up.

Thumbs up, you're bad.

He's definitely.

I wish.

I wish.

I think what I would want is.

I would want sushi, like a sushi platter with all little pieces of sushi, but they're all little cakes.

Yeah, like little petty source.

Petty for sushi.

Yeah.

Like,

you like sushi?

I like sushi.

What are your favorites?

I prefer like a salmon nigiri sushi.

But I like a lot of different types of sushi.

Oh, interesting.

Yeah.

Because I feel like sometimes, I'm not, not to say you're a picky eater, but you certainly have your preferences.

And sometimes people.

That broke me out of a lot of pickiness.

When I turned, like in my early 30s, when I started dating Mike, he was like, you should try sushi.

You're going to like sushi.

And then that kind of opened up a whole world.

And now I'll try anything.

Amazing.

I used to be much pickier.

Yeah.

I wouldn't describe myself as a picky eater anymore, actually.

Wow.

Yeah.

You know what?

Virgos like their land of the highway.

They know what they like.

Yeah.

And, like, but that's not why we like our Virgos.

Yes.

She says September baby.

You know, Virgo.

I didn't realize that.

On the fall birthday.

September 6th, October.

Oh, my God.

I think it's still in the fall birthday category, which is crazy.

I like September.

I like Virgos.

I like Libras.

What's your cake?

Did you say?

I said I was going to do the Pizza Box.

Oh, yeah.

I like the Pizza Box.

Oh, yeah.

That's fun.

I would do.

Open.

Open hard.

With them to make it.

And I want a slice missing.

Yeah.

With also a roller.

Like, I want to be able to eat the pizza cutter.

Oh, that's fine.

I would do your bodywise no-clothes turkey head.

The gobbler?

It's a gobbler.

Cock gobbler.

It is a cock gobbler.

It says you're fully new, but like a turkey for a dick.

That's getting a thumbs up.

That part of the turkey is your dick.

It's a gobbler.

I think in honor of

the fallen chain today jersey mics which is a shocker yeah i can't i'm shocked i donned it oh i want to go run around outside the home

you're just excited uh maybe and you know it fits into the the sushi thing yeah maybe an italian sub cake and a long isn't a long cake fun yeah long cake

long cake is fun i think the sushi does that same thing yeah long cake is fun long cake is fun

that's another hat you can make long cake long cake is fun long cake is fun it could be like one of those weird like long bills, and just like have that all written around the brim.

So you want to turn the Birthday Boys clothing shop into like a joke shop where we have long, long hat bills?

Hat long hat bills.

I kind of like it.

I called a birthday boys.

I said birthday boys meant doughboys.

Oh, dough boys.

Everything I've been a part of is a boy.

It's a boy.

It's a boy.

It is Birthday Boys, Dough Boys.

Am I another?

Have I been in another boys group?

Oh, you're affiliated with Sloppy Boys loosely.

That is true.

Those are four people.

Oh, and that boy band.

And that boy band that's the boy band that you're in.

I'm also in a boy band.

Yeah.

You're an epistari.

The boy boys.

You're an eprestario of the boy boys.

You're hung like a boy.

If you have a question or comment about the world of chain restaurants, you can email us at feedback at birdfuck.com or leave us a voicemail at 830 god.

That's 830463-6844.

Our producer is Emma Erdrink.

Our society producer is Emily Marino.

Our supervising video producer is Casey Donahue, and our video editor is Mike Dorfman.

And hey, maybe not the apparel that was pitched today, but Doughboys Apparel and Merchandise is available in partnership with kinship goods at kinshipgoods.com slash Doughboys.

So check that out if you want hats and shirts and it's merch madness.

Not only is it munch madness, it's also merch madness.

They make really high quality merch.

They make my podcast merch.

Kinship stuff is good.

Sweatshirts are so soft.

So great.

My sister just texted me the other day and she goes, oh my God, the sweatshirt is so soft.

Kinship?

That's the Kinship Goods.

Yeah.

Colonel.

Let us know if you want an introduction.

Nice.

Okay.

The best.

Great.

And hey, to get the Dough Boys Double, our weekly bonus episode,

Plus, our entire pre-2018 back catalog, subscribe at patreon.com/slash Doughboys.

Lorden Lapkiss, Arden Rain.

Thank you so much for bringing us in the middle of the day.

How did we do it?

Total chaos.

I mean, it was chaos, but it was incredible.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Organized chaos.

And by that, I mean not organized, just chaos.

It's a blast.

But please take a moment, plug anything you would like to plug.

I'm on the upcoming season of Righteous Gemstones,

which starts March 9th on HBO after White Lotus.

I start episode three, but then I'm on the rest of the season.

And then I have a movie that's going to South by Southwest called The Threesome, and it premieres on the 7th.

So if you're in Austin, get tickets and go see it.

That rocks.

I have a podcast.

I'm sorry.

No, sorry.

And really, except this podcast is on iHeart, which everybody here has been there.

Yes, your bachelor podcast.

That's really, really funny.

Sorry.

I have a podcast called Freedom with Scott Auckerman and Paulov Tompkins, where we tell stories from our lives and play games.

It's really fun.

And I also host a podcast called Haunting, where I play a dead influencer who can't cross over to their side until I get it verified.

And

it's like it's a hybrid scripted podcast with real ghost stories.

People call in and leave messages telling their scary ghost stories.

So it's fun.

And that's it.

I don't know.

I'll be everywhere you want me to be, and that's what's going on.

I think you're doing good.

Okay, South by.

Yeah, girl, we're going to be hanging

out.

You've heard heard some of the things Freedom has said about Doughboys, and we'll talk after that.

Oh, no, I'm about to get my face smashed.

Oh, boy.

That's not what I was implying to.

Not what I was implying.

Wise, what a chaotic start to the tournament.

I'm upset with this first matchup.

I can't believe it is.

The tournament of tournament of champions of champions continues all munch long, continues on the Patreon, continues in the main feed.

You can find the full bracket on social media.

Enter our challenge to see if you can guess who the victors are in each particular matchup.

That's true.

A lot of people will probably have their brackets busted.

Yeah, this is a good idea.

I tried, you guys.

I tried.

No, but honesty is policy.

Everyone did great.

Everyone did what everyone said what was in their heart, and that was the whole point of this exercise.

Hey, that'll do it for this episode of Doughboys.

Until next time for the Spoon Man, Mike Mitchell, Adam, Tyre Weiger.

Happy Eating.

Do you like to watch movies?

Do you like to watch independent movies?

I'm Casey Donahue, and I'm making an independent movie, but I need your help to pull it off.

Surprise, this is a Kickstarter video.

I wrote a feature film called My Love for You is Deep, but The Devil Loves Me Deeper.

It's an ultra low-budget art house horror feature film, and it will be unlike any other movie you can see in theaters today.

We have some great executive producers on board, Nick Weiger and Mike Mitchell, aka The Dough Boys.

Thanks, Casey.

Hey, buddy, it's The Dough Boys.

We're helping to finance Casey's movie, and we hope you join us.

That's right, Wags.

You know, we've read the script, we love it, we love Casey, and we know how talented he is as a director, and we know how much he loves horror.

So, we're really excited to see what happens with this movie, and we love that he's making it outside of the Hollywood system.

Casey's so talented, he's a big part of Dough Boys.

We're excited to be a small part of his movie, and we hope you join us.

So, help fund this film, this independent film.

We are currently raising funds on Kickstarter, and you can go to caseymakesmovies.com to learn more.

Thank you for your consideration, and let's make a movie.

That was a headgum podcast.