Munch Madness X: Wendy's VS Taco Bell with Carl Tart and Lamar Woods

This is a head gun podcast.

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Previously on Doughboys.

I will count down from three to one and reveal our winners on the whiteboards and say them in unison.

Okay.

Who will advance, Domino's or Taco Bell?

We will find out in three, two,

one.

Taco Bell.

Wow, it is unanimous.

In 1975, the semifinal matchup of the American men's collegiate basketball tournament was first referred to in print as the Final Four.

Shortly thereafter, the NCAA, the corrupt and useless cabal that banned paying their own athletes until forced to by court order decades later, copyrighted this term, as well as the phrases March Madness, Elite Eight, the Big Dance, and the Lemon Party.

But thankfully, parody is still considered fair use in the United States, at least for the next few months or so.

So our legally allowable Munch Madness continues with its quartet of prospective chompions into our own final fork.

Today's combatants, chicken fight winner Wendy's, which scored a surprise upset over sub-optimal victor and Doughboys lunch order stalwart Jersey Mics in the Person region.

But with this burgery restricted to its bird-based offerings, Ken at best the most reviewed chain in this podcast history?

That chain, of course, is mouth of the border winner Taco Bell, which easily triumphed over slices right chompion Dominoes in the Spoon Man region and now competes with its tacos and burritos only.

Who will advance to the championship and stay alive in its quest to be named main chain?

This week on Doughboys, the first final fork matchup of Munch Madness 10, MMX, the tournament of tournament of champions of champions, Tot Cock, Taco Bell,

Wendy's, ring the bell.

Welcome to Doughboys, the podcast about chain restaurants.

I'm Tiger Weiger, along with my co-host,

the Lord of the Ring Cam, the Spoon Man, Mike Mitchell.

All right.

Hopefully, this gets in before there's a serious argument about the ring notifications, and it's not fun to joke about anymore.

David C.

RosaBirdFuck.com.

And that never really happened.

Honestly, and also, it hasn't, I have that alert hasn't gone off since the last time we've done it.

Have you altered the alert a lot?

No.

Okay, so it still could potentially go off.

It could potentially go off.

But you're saying, because the last time it went off on an episode was last week's Main Feed episode.

I was trying to describe to people.

I was trying to explain to people how it was so weird that it was happening, but I don't care.

I just care what they think anymore.

I just don't care.

I don't.

I hate them.

I'm hating.

I mean, I like, I love them too.

I do love them.

I love them.

I love them.

I'm immediately walking it back.

RosabirdFuck.com.

Do you top of the morning to you, wise?

Top of the morning to you, my good man.

How about that?

Aaron Go Brach.

I love all that.

And we are recording this on St.

Patrick's Day.

Yes.

But, you know, what else, Mitch?

This episode will be coming out on 320body.

Smoke him if you got him.

320.

Wow.

You told me that you were going going to dress up as a 1900 Irish police officer.

Yeah, like a classic, like, hoi, tuti, toi, tuti, toi toy.

I'm so glad you didn't do that.

Not bad.

You know where those cops started at?

Where's that?

Boston, Massachusetts.

Wow.

They started that.

When black people started moving up there, they was like, we got to do something.

But we're rich.

We don't want to do it.

Yeah, yeah.

Let's get, who can we get to do this?

These Irish fucks.

Let's make them be the regulator

and regulate we did

damn good job regulator

damn good at it too

uh mitch we have a lot of show today

but before we get to your drop we do have uh a couple of announcements first up The Munch Madness 10 finale will be live streamed this coming Wednesday, March 26th in a marathon pay-per-chew event.

The finale itself will still be in the main feed of the podcast.

But if you want the pre-show, you want the post-show, the only way to get it is to watch the live stream, link at birdfock.com.

Presented by Dana White.

That's right.

We're going to slap the shit out of each other.

But on a more somber note, Mitch, we have to address the development that has rocked this year's Tournament of Champions.

Of course, the shocking news that Commissioner Susser unexpectedly passed away.

Which I think our guests didn't know that ever.

I think our guests are learning after our friend died.

Anyway.

Oh, my God.

I was just why ain't nobody told me.

I told him not to go outside.

You're going to get shot.

Let's just say

there's a group that's pretty excited about it.

Worms.

They're going to be feasting for a really long time, Moggs.

Belly's full.

So as such.

Thanksgiving for the worms.

There is a void.

We need a new Munch Madness Commissioner.

The process for selecting a new commissioner is underway via Comclave.

So we now once again go live to Fatican City with Amelia Marino.

Hi, Amelia.

Thanks, Wikes.

As reported on Tuesday's Doughboys double, the Comclave continues, but still no resolution on a new commissioner.

Has there been any action you've observed from your position outside the Fatican?

Yes.

Earlier, a delivery driver arrived with a very, very large order of firehouse subs.

And then a little bit later, the plumbers arrive, possibly to uncog the conclave toilets but that is purely speculation.

Now Amelia Lamar say what's the fatigue

it is the fatican Amelia my understanding is at the fatiguing the gathered chartnells will elect one of their own to be the new commissioner who are some of the top candidates

One name that's come up a lot in informed circles is Chartnell Dutton.

Wow.

However, he is dogged by rumors that he's not actually actually celibate, and he's, in fact, a quote-unquote fuck machine.

Yeah, no, no, he loves the fuck.

Yeah, that's so cool.

Yeah, yeah.

And then there's this Chartnell Johnston, aka the knife.

She commands authority by virtue of scaring all the beta male Chartinels.

But a Canadian commissioner?

Come on, get real.

Yeah, we hate Canada now, Mitch.

Get out of here.

You know what?

I mean, we've talked about before, but we're putting tariffs on Doughboy's Canadian listeners.

The Patreon costs.

Patreon.

It costs more, yeah.

30% more.

But sources tell us that a new figure has emerged as a possible consensus candidate.

Little is known about him, except that he seems to be eating off all the Chartinel's plates.

Mitch, I'm looking at the silhouette now, trying to puzzle out who this could be.

Grimace, maybe?

I think it's maybe Frankenberry.

Probably Frankenberry.

Probably Frankenberry.

Well, one thing's for certain.

This This new candidate, whoever it is, doesn't have a secret.

I'm sure none of them have secrets.

Well, Amelia, thank you so much for the update.

Sorry, Weiger.

I have to interrupt.

Steam is starting to come out of the Vatican.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

Do we have a new commissioner?

They have a new commissioner.

Wow.

What color is the steam, Amelia?

You have a better vantage point from just outside the building.

Is it white?

Negative.

Negative.

It's green.

Green steam?

Yes.

Green as steam.

This means they did elect a new commissioner, but

he turned out to be a gator.

A gator?

Is Jemmy at the Vatican right now?

Yeah.

Sounds like Jemmy is maybe at the Vatican.

Wagging her tail in excitement that we have a new commissioner elected, but unfortunately, a Gator can't legally be commissioner, so they're going to have to take another vote.

I think I accidentally sucked that Gator off earlier, Nick.

Yeah, me too.

We'll talk about it.

I went and I got,

they were like, we're out of communion wafers.

And I was like, all right.

And he's like, you can suck me off, though.

And I said, okay, so I sucked him off.

We're the gator.

Where the gator digging.

It was kind of ambiguously under the robe, so you assumed it was a man.

Yeah, of course.

Yeah.

Anyone would.

Well, Amelia, thank you so much.

As any journalist might be asked at the end of their segment, do you have any plugs?

Yeah, there's actually a movie that came out in 2024, which you might might find helpful for understanding the Conclave.

It's called Conclave.

Oh,

yeah, I've heard about that, yeah.

Amelia Marino, everyone.

All right, Mitch, you have a drop to play.

Oh, I never heard about that.

I just saw my line.

Mitch, you have a drop to play.

I do, Wags.

Hit him with it, Emma.

Here we go.

I will say that, like, for this dumb podcast, your time goes off.

It's fine.

Do you know how often do you get the false alarm?

Will you shut the fuck up?

It rarely ever goes off ever better or something like that.

So, what is going on?

There was a bird in my backyard.

Wow, it's still

chime.

As Mitch's phone goes off,

it is just my neighbor's phone.

Wow, what's going on, man?

How many episodes do you have to do?

That was a delivery.

Twice.

Rogan's at my place.

I'm thinking of one episode.

This is insane.

Fucking believable.

It's just Wally leaving on his own.

He locked up.

It's a delivery guy.

That was Hayakon,

Umkar Plus.

This is insane.

This does not happen.

Well, they did it already.

It's funny that he asked, and then they played a thing that probably could get us mad at each other.

I mean, I was mad at you when you first were upset about it,

but it didn't even happen on the podcast yet when you were saying stuff about it.

I don't want to get into it.

Drops at birdfuck.com.

I was just going to say, I'm not, I don't even care about interrupting the podcast.

I think it's fine.

I'm a little worried that you're maybe just paranoid.

And that, that's the thing that worries me.

Which is that comes from paranoid.

No, I mean, I just, just like that, you're like, I, I can't leave my house unattended for a, you know, a stretch while I'm working.

I'm just, I just worry that that is maybe, you know, I will, if something happened to Wall Interim, I'd hunt whoever it was down, John Wick style, fucking destroy them.

That's all I got to say.

And that's okay, right?

More like John Thick,

Papa John Wick.

There's a couple ways to play it.

Let's Let's introduce ourselves.

Happy St.

Patrick's Day, wise.

Happy St.

Patrick's Day.

I quickly want to say that

I didn't realize this, but

the corned beef and cabbage in Boston, I told you this, the New England style is gray.

Corned beef is gray.

And everywhere else, it's red.

And

I just want to address this because I didn't realize it was a regional thing.

Why is it gray?

No nitrates.

No nitrates.

No nitrates.

Okay.

So

it's less appealing to the eye, but it's maybe a little bit more, you know,

I always liked the gray corn beef, but I didn't even realize that that was just a regional.

I think that's the way it is in Ireland, too, honestly.

I don't mind the gray.

Because we certainly talked about gray E.T.

on here.

And what was your gray E.T.

pitch?

Oh, shit.

What was it?

It was a gray E.T.

versus...

Oh, it was gray E.T.

versus E.T.'s red finger?

It's an interesting debate.

I think I'd probably go with a finger because gray E.T.

is unwell.

So you would eat E.T.'s finger before you would eat.

Oh, we're eating these things.

I thought we were just picking it up.

The corned beef was gray corned beef versus red corned beef.

I think we did gray E.T.

versus E.T.'s red finger.

Got it.

I think we're going to do a gray versus red corned beef episode.

We'll figure it out.

And you're going to come and hang with us at Tam O'Shanter after this.

How fun will that be?

I'm interested in seeing if it will be.

We'll see what happens.

It's going to be fun.

It's going to be great, Tim.

It's going to be fun.

And you know what else is going to be great and going to be fun having two of our favorite guests

together on the podcast from XOXO Gossip Kings, Carl Tartan, Lamar Woods.

Carl Lamar, thank you so much for being here.

What a challenge.

It has been way too long.

Too long.

I agree with Carl.

This is, I can't believe that.

So, to the listener, I was banned from the show.

Oh, yeah.

He talks about it all the time.

I was shadow banned

because I didn't know.

So I'm showing up every day and I just can't get in the studio.

But they're telling me, they're like, yo, show up.

Like, where are you at?

And I'm like, I'm outside.

And they're like, okay, we're coming.

And then nobody shows up to the door to let me in.

Yeah, it's like how Disney fires you.

Your key card just doesn't work.

That's when Disney fires you?

Yeah.

Oh, shit.

Freddy got fired from Disney.

He found out he scanned his card and it didn't work.

And then he called and they were like, someone will be down.

And then someone came down and like escorted him to their office to take all their shit.

Wait, who is this?

Freddy?

Who did you say?

Yeah, it was Freddy.

Freddie got fired.

Freddy got fired.

Freddy got fired.

He was in a bad house.

Freddie got fired.

He wasn't opening

There's a friend from my school who later got a job at Disney.

Oh, your friend Freddy.

No,

I said friend, not Freddie.

Oh, so yeah.

I'm not saying his name intentionally.

Yeah, go on.

Who was it?

I forgot what I was saying.

Oh, that's just you've been shadow band, but you haven't.

This hasn't actually been the case.

Part of the reason we have an idea on the podcast is because you've been in New York City.

Oh, come on.

Welcome to New York.

oh your friend i've been in new york city what were you about to say his friend your friend harvey from your friend harvey yeah

which one of your friends work at disney everybody right now

if i found out carl knew someone that worked at disney i tell me okay problem yo tell me

yo who's your friend that work at disney actually i have a i have a i have a i have a i have a disney i got a disney movie pitch Oh, go for it.

Oh, I got one too.

I'll pitch mine after yours.

At the very least, this is an MTV movie awards sketch.

Okay, good.

Or an SNL sketch.

Do they still do the MTV movie awards?

I don't think so.

I wrote for it once.

I maybe killed it.

Maybe that was the issue.

I wrote for it once, too.

It could have been either one of us.

It can't be an SNL skit.

Once you tell me, I'm legally not allowed to use it.

However, you will see it on the show next week.

Andora.

Anora set in Star Wars universe.

Okay.

Okay.

Wait, so I thought it was going to be like a Nora.

Like a young Twilek.

Okay, I like this.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Like Twilek's the dancer

Prince or whatever, you know what I mean?

And he has to marry her.

Right.

That's funny.

And Dora.

I like it, Mitch.

Holy shit.

Is this what would happen if I was in the SNL room?

Here's what Lauren would say.

He would go, well, the good thing is there's always next week.

I think they could maybe be a Family Guy cutaway gag.

I don't know if he had that.

And Dora could be a Family Guy cutaway gag, which you love family guys it's like the time i went to andorra

oh what's what is what's your disney oh okay mine i need a title i didn't think of a title yet so basically it's a it's a girl who has one of those like dog like uh the emotional support dogs oh sure but she needs it because she's like you know has anxiety and all types of stuff yeah and they go on the plane you know how the planes is crashing all the time and stuff yeah so the plane goes down They end up in like a in the forest of the woods.

She's separated from her service dog and she's got to find the dog.

The dog's got to find her in the woods.

I love it.

It's animated.

No, it's like a real.

I love that.

Yeah, yeah.

Like, and then they find each other and then they realize they didn't need each other anymore.

Wait, that's that's that's like they go their separate ways.

Yeah, it's like, I don't need you no more.

But they both did this shit on my own.

They both build separate homesteads in the woods.

I think they, they, because they had each other, they learned how they could each survive on that.

Oh, that's better.

That's the bet.

But, but that, I love that story.

I don't feel like they don't make kids' movies like that anymore.

Like, an incredible journey,

kind of movies.

Right.

Yeah, I was thinking we could be like, cool, like, do you have a title for me?

I saw Milo and Otis in theater instead of Back to the Future 3.

I was just saying this on the Sloppy Boys podcast.

Yeah.

My sister and my cousin went and saw Back to the Future 3, and me and we went and saw Milo and Otis, which I think.

How yeah, they hold up.

How was it?

I mean, well, this is I went when I was like, you know, 10 years old or whatever.

Did it hold up then?

Then it, yes, because it was a re-release wise.

It's really a Japanese movie.

And I do think that there were some animal.

I think there were some animal issues on that movie.

Yeah, there's some dogs got parvo or something, right?

Yeah,

yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Then I remember one of the buddies movies, too, like Treasure Buddies or something.

Yeah.

Because the dogs got sick.

Yeah, yeah.

Joel said.

Yeah, I had a title for that.

I'm thinking Andorra.

That's perfect.

Lamar, we were talking before.

You want to talk more about Treasure Buddies when all the dogs got sick?

Such a set.

That's not happening on my mom.

Don't look it up.

It wasn't Treasure Buddies.

It was one of the Buddies movies that was one of the ones with all the golden retriever puzzles up.

Oh, right.

Okay.

Lamar, we were talking before we began.

And this is the thing I've started doing lately, way too late with the podcast, but you mitigated the indulgence of this meal with a healthy counterweight.

You had a salad before you came to the stadium.

That was smart.

Yes, yes.

I had a salad and it was so good, too.

Can I say where it was?

Yeah.

It was from this place, Tartine.

Oh, yeah.

And it was like

low-key simple walnuts and

a little

beets.

And I felt great.

Yeah.

So it kind of balanced me out before I got here.

And we made you feel like shit when you got here.

Yeah, now I feel off.

I bring at least a piece of fruit to the studio.

Like, that's my thing I do these days.

I either have an apple or a banana, and I just have that pre-game.

You love to rub it in my fucking face.

Mitch, it's an easy thing to do.

It's an easy.

like so so the first bite of food you're having in the day is not some i saw you had a banana some garbage i did have a banana that's right

and at a salad at home earlier actually oh really i gotta get better at making salads i feel like they're kind of hard

i like making salads but i also just like i do a mini i do you can do a minimum amount of like uh prep earlier in the week and then just have some cut up like cucumbers or radishes or whatever just to toss them into the spring next year well you look great people say you're looking uh oh

I mean, you're also looking great.

Everyone is looking good.

You look, yeah, you look, you're looking, you're looking young, Wags.

I'm trying.

We're all

channeling.

You're channing Tatum.

That's a good title for the movie.

Tuck Everlasting?

Yeah, yeah.

That's my Disney movie.

I still didn't want it.

Have you seen the Tuck Everlasting movie?

No.

No.

It's crazy.

I'm going to spoil the ending of Tuck Everlasting.

So it's like a family that everyone, everyone, what's that?

He gets cucked.

He gets cucked in a sense, Mitch, because the idea.

The whole family is immortal.

It's like a family of immortals, right?

And then, and then a mortal girl meets them.

And through some sort of bond, they're able to be like, hey, you can choose to be immortal if you like.

And they're.

So wasn't it a well or something that they drank from?

Yeah, it's like a well they drank from.

Yeah, I think.

And so anyway.

The the the guy is like to the woman, to the female love interest, is like,

if you choose to be immortal, I'll meet you back here at this spot, like, you know, whatever in 20 years or 100 years or whatever it is, but I'll give you some time to decide.

And they separate.

Then it cuts to the future.

It cuts to like present day.

And it's like, you know, it's all set in the 19th century with horses.

And now he's got a motorcycle and he shows up in modern clothes to the spot where they're supposed to meet.

And it's her grave.

She chose to be buried at the spot so that then that's how he would find out.

Isn't that crazy?

What is this movie about?

It's about like a family of immortals that just like live a simple life in the woods and then a normal, like a mortal girl like stumbles upon them and like learns their secret.

Is Tuck young?

Tuck is young.

Yeah, see, that's that's no good.

Tuck is young, but then he's, it's like a, it's like a nuclear family.

There's like a mom and a dad and a two.

If you drank from that well around 30 or so, you're in good shape, I feel like, but you don't want to do, you know, if you're, you know, you don't got cubes yet.

He's want the public.

No, he's not that young.

He's got cubes.

Oh, he does.

They establish that?

Yeah, they have an extreme close-up of a teenager's cubes.

What is the perfect age you think you you should drink from the fountain of youth?

I'm going to say 27.

27's 40.

I was in my prime.

Yeah.

That's 40 years.

I could still dunk a basketball.

Yeah.

I was still like, I was, I was much thinner.

Like, I think that was 27.

27 is a good.

27 is good.

I maybe would do just straight up 30 to drink at the

just

the fountain of stopping.

Yeah.

He's got a little wisdom now.

He's like, I know some stuff, seen some stuff.

Yeah, 30 is good.

I was definitely doing okay at 30, but I think I would skew a little younger.

I mean, like, I was in the best shape I was ever in my life when I was like 22, but that feels a little young.

I feel like I'm not a little bit too shit.

That feels a little young.

22 is a little young.

Stupid at 22.

You still have a little bit of a damn thing as dumb.

I was dumb as shit.

I also like, that was when 22 is when I first started to notice that my hair was going.

Okay.

Oh, yeah.

Because I walked in front of a CVS security camera and I was like, oh.

That's my hair is shiny.

Yeah.

Nah, I don't think I'm 22.

I look for MI.

You were trying to think of like a time where you could just you could get away with a big lolly.

You want to try to figure out something like a lollipop.

Can I ask you,

Carl, about dunking?

What's it like up there?

Yeah, what's it like up there?

How's the air up there?

Tell us about it.

Yeah, what's the air up like there?

You know what?

No matter how successful I become in life,

I will always sit and dream about

like dunking in a basketball game.

Do you,

to you as a dunker, is it a more satisfying dunk with one hand or two hands?

Or is it contextual?

Contextual.

Okay, got it.

Because catching, like, like, I've dunked in-game dunks with two hands where like a rebound that I got high enough to catch the rebound and just put it back in.

Oh, that's awesome.

But on a fast break, like dunking just with one hand.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Also, like dunking and pulling the ball back.

Oh, that's really what you do.

That's what I like.

And I was never like, I couldn't do, I did like one, 180 one time in a layup line.

I never did that in a game That's crazy, but like in

you know, I was a two-foot jumper so I I didn't fast break I would have to like gather both feet and that would like it was like strong to dunk with two Yeah, so if I drop stepped and then turned and dunked with two It was like, yeah, I'm stronger than you.

You chest bumped a guy that you just like kind of dunked near.

Maybe and dunking on people is also fun too.

Yeah.

Have you done an alley oop?

You'd be doing it.

Yeah, yeah.

You caught an alley oop.

That's true.

And I'm going to cry.

I'm old now.

Do you think you could, you, do you think you could, you think you could dunk?

If it was like, I have the goal of dunking again, do you think you could do it?

Absolutely.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Because I can still.

Is I still there?

I can still touch the rim.

I just can't get the ball over.

Right.

Wow.

That's what I remember when Wu-Tang used to do back, he could do a standing backflip.

I remember as he got older and, you know, a little bigger,

his head was coming very close to scraping the ground.

That's what he was doing.

It sucks to grow old and lose that type of ability.

I know, and there's this guy who's like, he really does?

What What the fuck are you talking about?

No, I mean, it's just your body thinking.

No, your body just decaying.

You know, it's just, yeah, things so fast.

Yeah, exactly.

It happens like that.

You're like, whoa, what the fuck?

Because it's like, I can still play.

It's just, I can't play at the same level that I used to.

And imagine what that feels like for NBA players.

Like, imagine what LeBron feels like after a game.

Right.

Oh, man.

Yeah.

And he's still playing at such a high level.

Imagine what he feels like after the game.

Like, he's probably crying in his wine glass.

at, like, looking at his son come into the locker room.

Bronny's dick's probably bigger than his.

Come here, Bronny.

Come sitting in my body.

Come over here, man.

Hey, man, that's my.

Hey, get out the shower.

Bonnie's like, what's going on, dad?

Bronny's in the prime of his life.

He's like, man, look at you.

You think you something, huh?

You think you real something.

And let's wrestle right now.

You wouldn't be on this team if it wasn't for me.

You know that, right?

Can Bronny dunk?

Hell yeah, he can dunk.

All right, yeah, he can dunk.

Okay, then he's doing all right.

Then he's he's dunking like singing.

Where if I used to think you were born, you can do it or you can't.

But can you like learn to dunk?

Yeah, you can learn.

Absolutely, you can learn to dunk.

Look up the knees over toes guy.

Knees over.

That's the real thing.

Yeah, knees on Instagram.

Knees over toes.

He's got to have taught himself to dunk.

You could absolutely teach yourself how to dunk.

But there were natural, like my friend, shout out Stanley, man.

My friend Stanley that I went to Palms Middle School with.

Who's Stanley?

I went to Freddie.

Harvey W.

Harvey W.

Harvey W could dunk

him.

He'd have to inject himself with something.

He had one injector

so he could get an erection.

He had one to dunk.

And you never want to mix up the two.

No, yeah, that would be

a huge, huge stress.

The substance.

He did have some sort of.

There's awful things about, if you read about Harvey Weinsey, which was like he had an ejector to get him, like he injected himself and then he got a boner everything you read about him he just sounds like he was a literal monster like like obviously the the way he the things he did but also like physically like one of the the descriptions of him was like he had like a like basically effectively like a like a carapace like a tortoise shell's worth of blackheads just like it was like his whole black

completely and then also yeah his he I'm gonna get that injector at his estate still so once that thing once that thing happen goes up I'm I'm getting that bad boy well there's also a point where just someone in said like yeah he has no penis or balls like he basically just has, like, a weird, like, lump where

you used to be.

Yeah.

Oh, my God.

He might be.

He's possibly a unimportant, bro.

It's really disgusting.

Stanley could dunk in sixth grade.

That's amazing.

When we were 11 years, 11, 12 years old,

Stanley could dunk.

And this other kid, Mark, could dunk in eighth grade.

Those were the first two people.

And they both were like.

Like, Stanley was like, when we got to sixth grade, I was probably like 5'9, 5'10.

He was like my height.

And he could dunk.

And that was always tight.

I didn't dunk until 11th grade.

Some people are just like have a thing they can do.

Like they're just like incredible leapers.

It doesn't really make any physical sense, but it's just like a thing they're able to do.

Yeah, he never made the basketball team.

He wasn't that good.

But he could

obsess with Eminem, right?

And he drove his girlfriend.

Yeah,

he drove his crazy girlfriend.

And then what's crazy was Eminem came to our school and delivered a letter to him the next week.

And we all had to be like, oh, Em, we got bad news.

I'm not going to.

This would make you mad to say this.

I was about to say you're a New York guy now.

You're not a New York guy.

This makes me so fucking mad.

How have things been in New York?

Are you?

I'm getting used to it, man.

Yeah, yeah.

I recently learned one day I was sitting down

to have a cocktail

and I was like, man, it'll be nice to go to Arby's around here.

And there's no Arby's Arby's where I frequent in New York.

Yeah.

And I was pissed about that.

Because

they took them out of LA too.

Yeah.

There's, yeah, the closest Arby's is in Inglewood, I think.

Yeah.

So Prince Street is now the big Arby sign on Sunset is now Prince Street.

The famous Hollywood Arby's, which closed last year.

And

that's a bummer.

But that's one of the worst things about New York is they don't have Arby's.

Right.

Because I like Arby's quite a bit.

And everybody's like messaging me being like, you got to go

to fucking Queens.

And I go, I'm not going over there for Arby's.

Shut the fuck up.

I wonder where I can get it.

Did you get that beef coat that they gave you?

I still got it.

Wow.

I still got the full suit.

Someone found that in a Goodwill and they thought it was yours, but I'm sure that there's been more than one beef coat.

Yeah, there's probably been more than one.

I think I still got it.

That might have been mine.

It may have could have been yours.

I might have gotten rid of it because I'm like, when am I ever going to wear this?

I got the picture out of it.

Maybe I did.

Maybe that was mine.

It's possible.

Yeah.

i'm i'm sad that i'm sad that there's no longer i mean a lot of people like prince street we haven't reviewed it on the show ever but i did like that big hat arby's on yeah man it was like a staple of that neighborhood yeah but other than that new york sucks uh

no you know i so oh you got so much to do there you know

yeah they always got they always got a fucking excuse for everything you know let me tell you i'm honestly i'm not i'm i've got my routine i'm i'm i'm i'm doing fine there But it is just like

way better than I thought you were.

When I went out there, I was like, Carl's adjusting to this

life very well.

I'm a malleable dude.

I'm flubber.

I can be anywhere at any time

and fit right in.

Nobody knows I'm there.

I've been to so many weddings and nobody knows I'm there.

The thing about New York is like everything is just, everything is just so chaotic.

You know what I mean?

everything takes so much more effort

than what it does here.

Everything.

Have you been to Katz Deli?

No.

Ooh, you're going to go to Katz Deli.

Have you seen

Bob Odyssey and Harry Mitchell?

Have you seen Bob and what the Glen Gary Glenwood?

Glenn Gary.

Yeah, yeah.

No, I haven't seen him.

I'm going to go see him and

see him and Bill Burr.

Oh, he plays that part.

I don't know if actually, if he does.

I've never seen that movie.

Is that Gordon Gecko?

No, Gordon Gecko's Wall Street.

Okay.

Yeah, David Mammet, right?

Coffee is for, yeah, it's David Mammet and coffee is for closer

that I did in that Grey Pop impression.

Yeah.

Coffee is for closers and always be closing.

Yes.

That's how Baldwin was.

Always be closing.

Yeah.

So what's what did Gordon Gecko say?

Gordon Gecket.

Greed.

Greed is good.

Greed is good.

Okay, it's good.

Okay.

I'm looking at, look,

you know your own city, where you live right now, but like it says there's, the Arby's website says there's an 8th Avenue location.

Closed, permanently closed.

Permanently closed.

Because I got a lot of messages about that, too.

Wow.

What is this?

You're trying to get, is this a gotcha moment?

No, I'm trying to help.

It was a gotcha moment from Doughboys fans.

Well, that's not surprising.

It was a gotcha moment from Doughboys.

They were DMing me so much.

Yeah.

Dude, there's one right in Midtown, right by where you work.

First of all, bitch, you don't know where I work.

I could be lying.

I could totally be lying.

You don't know where I work.

You don't know where I fucking work?

There's one's right by your job, girl.

You don't know what my job is, bro.

I'm a fucking postal worker in Long Island.

You don't know what my job is.

That's number one.

Number two, you don't think I Google that?

You don't think I Googled that?

You think I'm that dumb that I'm just going to say something?

I don't just say stuff to say stuff.

Do you like that Essebage right near 30 Rock?

Who?

The Esse Bago?

No, I ain't been there.

I don't think I've been there.

That's pretty good.

I like Essebage.

There's There's another bagels place that we go to, Black Seed or something like that.

Okay, I haven't been there.

And that was pretty good.

Yeah.

Are you a bagel guy?

Here's my thing about bagels.

It's going to be controversial.

I could get killed for saying this.

Oh, shit.

Uh-uh.

Bagels taste the same.

Wow.

Bagels.

First of all, I only like cream cheese on the bagel.

Yeah.

I don't need all the bells and whistles.

I don't need all that other stuff.

Yeah.

I mostly agree with you.

I sometimes like a smear that's got like some scallions in it.

Yeah, I'll do a flavored, a flavored cream cheese.

And sometimes I'll do some butter instead of cream cheese, but I do like just like a spark.

You do butter instead of cream cheese.

Yeah, yeah.

So here's what you got to do to make it real good.

When you tell them to toast it, tell them to toast it with the butter on it, then put the cream cheese, and then you cook them with Crisco.

I don't like all Crisco.

No, it's a turmoil.

Got it.

I know this is crazy to say, but.

What the fuck are you talking about?

I'm happy Susser is dead to not hear this.

Hey, how did he die?

What happened to him?

He got the jab.

I already, I knew.

I knew it.

I told you.

I said,

as soon as he posted on his Instagram that white card, I said, Sussy, you fucked up.

You'll be gone within five years.

Lamar, where do you stand on bagels?

I was like, Carl, I didn't like him that much.

And then I started doing the locks and stuff.

I never thought I would like it, but I love that shit with the locks.

Yeah, and then with the cream cheese, all that, and the tomato.

Yeah, once you dress it up and stuff, it's an experience.

What was your morning?

You're going to school.

What's what was like your morning on the on the go, bro?

Because bagels for me were that forever.

This cereal, I was a cereal all day.

Cereal, yeah, yeah.

But if even when you were in a rush, toaster strudel was another one I would

love toaster strudels and you see pop-tarts.

We have a big Pop-Tart debate on that.

Oh, yeah, we

so we could talk about this.

This is a perfect place to talk about this.

Yeah, I want to know what y'all think.

It was in this studio.

Lamar thinks that unfrosted Pop-Tarts are better than the frosted ones.

Yeah, wow.

Very serious.

Very, very serious about that.

The Jerry Seinfeld question: Do we like unfrosted frosted?

Um,

yes, I think

were you guys was anyone in that movie before we

drew tarber was in it, was in it, yeah, yeah, yeah.

We like Trew, yeah, yeah.

That really sounded like we do.

Yeah, we do,

we love

True Tarbert, we love True Tarber, he's afraid because he's shits on the movie, oh, he shits on Frost all the time.

The movie didn't work for me, but the the the

um

unfrosted versus frosted yeah it just feels like extra it's just you don't need it it's such a flavor you have a favorite flavor

strawberry yeah like you have a strawberry pop-tart but with no frosting yeah yeah non-blueberry with frosted strawberry unfrosted it will hit like that's a like that's like a good see i was a cinnamon sugar one and it it was frosty that's frosted by default i don't think you can get these i like that one when i don't toast like when i used to go to school and some kid would have it after

that yeah but i need i need them i need them toasted toaster but i think toaster strudels are superior to pop-tarts toaster strudels were superior to pop-tarts yeah remember the philadelphia cream cheese bars the the oh the the with the straw i remember your philadelphia cream cheese bars

bars

classic moment hey when pft says that nothing happens at a doughboy show something happened once

what you mean

we got up and saying that and shit and uh stage once that's the drunk guy did come on

stage i was there for that one i've been there for every

coming.

I saw snow for the first time, or multiple times.

Heavy snow for the first time.

Yes, yeah.

Yeah.

And shout out to Royal Oak, Michigan.

Royal Oak Musical.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Memory.

I don't remember that at all.

I remember every show we've ever done.

I remember being in an enclosed van with a COVID-19 Mike Mitchell,

drinking a little jar of moonshine.

I was pulling pepperoni slices off of his pizza when I, but you know know what?

I didn't get the jab, so I'm still around.

Looks like he's still alive right now.

Rest in peace, my man.

I think I had to say, I like frosted.

This might be couch to couch.

Couch to couch.

Yeah.

Well, yeah, just go ahead.

I would say, I would know.

I think I like the take because I don't think you need the frosting.

I think a popular and frosted.

Especially toasted.

Strawberry and frosted is good.

And so if that's the argument, yeah, I'm with you.

Have you ever put butter on it?

If I'm going to just frost it, I might as well do something like something sweeter anyway.

Yeah.

it's basically like a dessert at that point.

We're going to get you out to Glenn Gary.

Have you never seen the movie?

I've never seen the movie.

Great movie.

I watched the movie and then I watched it.

I just watched it.

I don't know why.

I didn't even know they were doing a play about it.

I went to see O'Mary.

Oh, what's that?

O'Mary is about, is what's my man?

Not my man.

They.

Cole Escola

wrote

a show about Mary Ty Lincoln.

Oh, yes, you ever heard about that?

Yeah.

That's cool.

I think you would like.

I think Bob plays the Jack Lemon role

is my guess.

Oh, that makes sense.

Is my guess.

My understanding, and I've never seen the play, but my understanding is that the Alec Baldwin role was added for the movie.

Like that that's not in the play.

I don't know if they've retconned that into the Broadway production these days, but you know.

An old Tarrell team, Coffee is for Closers.

I think maybe before you guys got to the theater, there was a team called Coffee is Flossers.

It was on his name.

Let's name some names.

Yeah, I feel like maybe it was.

That was a faculty team.

It was a faculty team.

So it was like the people who were teaching at the time.

It was a cool.

Maybe like a generation before us.

It was a great crew.

Great crew.

Was there John Reynolds on there?

I'm just going to throw out faculty.

Brian Finkelstein.

Yeah, I mean, a lot of these guys were in there.

Daniel Snyder, Seth Morris, Don Feinglass.

Yeah.

John Ross Bowie, Sean Conroy.

Daily on the ball.

Jack Carter.

I think

ducted.

Jack Carter was on there.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Good crew.

Hope.

Yeah.

Yeah, all white dudes.

Perfect.

Perfect team.

I'm going to New York next week.

I'm going to come see you, Carl.

And then, but I'm going to, my girl wants to see the

Dorian Gray.

I guess Dorian, Homegirl,

from Succession, is playing Dorian Gray.

So I'm going to see that.

And now I'm like, dang, I kind of want to see the Glenn Glary Ross.

It's a tough, I think it's a tough ticket.

Bill Burr is in it, too.

Yeah, Bill Burr is.

And Culkin.

Culcin's in it as well.

Wow.

Oh, wow.

It was a different time at UCB.

I just want to get that out of the way.

I love all those people you named.

They're all great.

I mean, that was the time that you thrived in.

You guys, it's before you guys got there.

That was the time.

We were there.

We were there.

Y'all just didn't know.

Not wearing.

When are they going to put you on, Carl?

I don't know.

We got to wait.

I think they're eventually.

I'm not wearing mukbuga hats or anything like that.

Make UCB great again hats and shit like that.

Mukba.

Oh, my God.

That's hilarious.

All right.

I have have a story to tell.

I got to tell this.

I was at Red Lion with one other person.

I actually won't even say who the other person is.

And we were talking about writing and the industry and stuff.

And

DEI stuff came up.

And

not in a bad way, to be clear.

We were just talking about, we were actually talking about people getting online, getting mad at DEI.

We're making fun of it.

And then we were talking at the end of the night and Lamar goes, this is in the red line.

He goes, you know what?

You guys are right.

DEI sucks.

And he says it out loud.

And he left the bar.

And me and another white guy were staying there.

And we're like, I was like, Lamar, you can't yell out, DEI sucks to us.

And then walk out the door.

Have a great night, y'all.

See ya later.

I'm really glad we had this conversation.

I'll leave y'all to it.

Everybody in red line

all looked at us and we were like, that's not what you think it is.

I love these guys.

It was fun.

All fun.

Everything we're saying was fun.

D-E-I.

D-E-I.

Yeah, not much going on in early UCB days.

I want to hear Nick's transition.

Speaking of D-E-I,

let's move to another acronym, BMI.

Ours, of course, are increasing from this tournament, Mitch.

Munch Madness 10 at the tournament of

champions.

Tot Rock.

Totcock.

We are in the thick of it.

We are in the final fork.

The rules, as decreed by the late Commissioner Sussman, it was a sheer Zeus who said Tots said that

for Totcock.

I think there's actually an extra O in there, but it sounds better.

It's more sonorous as Tot Cock.

I think that's what he was doing.

Yes, yeah.

Totcock.

Totcock.

That sounds like a Boston person talking about my meat.

Totcock.

Yeah, give me a, let me see you.

Let me see it.

Totcock.

Tot Cald, Totcock.

Rule number one, there are no rules.

Yes.

That's right.

Just like Outback Steakhouse this year, it's no rules just right.

Rule number two, there actually are some rules.

Rule number three, everyone is here.

Every winner of every past tournament of champions is represented in Munch Madness 10.

Rule number four, you got to dance with the one who brought you.

Your ticket in is your meal ticket.

If a restaurant has multiple categories of food on its menu, only the category it qualified for is eligible.

As a way of example, the winner of the pizza tournament dominoes can only enter with pizza, not wings or pasta, et cetera.

Rule number five, one-on-fun.

Every matchup will be a one-on-one matchup with each guest getting to pick one item from the competing chains.

Rule number six, the Roger Rabbit slash Judge Doom rule.

Dip gets the slip.

Sauce is at a loss.

You can use sauce, but you can't evaluate sauce in your review.

Rule number seven, the dais is denied.

The dais, aka the producer's desks, opinions on the competing chains are not to be considered during the tournament.

No exceptions.

If this rule is violated, the commissioner reserves the right to eject members of the dais.

Well, the commissioner is dead, first of all.

Second Second of all, Casey did decide the entirety.

That brings us to rule number eight.

Tie goes to the runner.

Casey has a Kickstarter for his movie.

If you liked his decision, you should give to it.

If you didn't like his decision, don't give a dime to his

Kickstarter.

If you liked his decision, which agreed with Mitch's decision, you both picked In-N-Out, an In-N-Out one, and then you were mad about it.

Rule number eight, tie goes to the runner.

If there's a tie, host and or guest can agree to do a foot race around headgum to decide which side wins, or they can opt for a deus ex machina, which would be letting the deus decide which is the rule that was invoked on that episode.

I want to do a foot race.

The rule will then cancel out rule number seven.

We'll talk about it.

That's a big block.

Oh, we're going to do it inside the studio.

There's no way.

No, we're not doing it inside.

It'll be our final episode if we went around the block.

Oh, I can go around the block.

Rule number nine, hate has no plate here.

Chick-fil-A is officially banned from the tournament, even though it didn't qualify in the first place.

So this is just grandstanding.

And rule number 10, I'll have what he's having, aka the Billy Crystal rule.

In each round, the commissioner reserves the right to have one of the hosts' exact meeting we're gonna have amelia drop off uh an order to his his uh i guess to it was his grave site he's not buried yet i'm not going regardless yeah are you yeah we're not going no we're not gonna go

i just learned a what the difference between a cemetery and a grave a graveyard is oh what's that i don't even so a cemetery is a city planned plot of land that you buy plots to place your loved ones in yeah yeah or your hated ones a graveyard is just like what's on the side of a church.

There's like right, sure.

Yeah,

I didn't realize there was actually a distinction.

Yeah.

How about that?

Apparently, casket and coffin different meanings, too.

Oh, what's the difference there?

I think a casket is like hinged.

And a coffin is like you put a whole piece on top of it.

I think.

We got the Mitchell plot where my dad is currently.

Yeah.

We got like seven more spots.

If anybody wants to hang out in the island.

I mean, I think they put it on a barrel.

You're claiming a few of those.

I mean, I think my mom mom was like, we'll see how many Mike takes up when he goes.

There's like, but there, we got like seven or so in there in the Mitchell plot.

I'm going to jump in there someday.

I'll hop in there.

It's way too cold.

I mean, I think that you should, I think you should be buried with me.

The boys are buried together.

My wife is buried.

Y'all are buried like this.

Y'all on top of each other like that.

Adelie, when she dies long after you with just the biggest smile, the mortician is like trying to put her mouth down.

It would be an honor to have you to rest eternally with me.

We'll figure it out.

Here are my.

Here's what I want to start with.

Because two combatants were eliminated on the way to this matchup.

Those combatants were Domino's and Jersey Mics.

Carl Lamar, your thoughts on Dominoes, your thoughts on Jersey Mics.

I believe there's some Papa Johns fandom, at least from you, Carl, like about how big pizzeria is.

I'm a big Papa John's guy, and that's because I ate so much Domino's in high school.

We had Domino's at high school.

Every day, you get a slice of pizza and loaded with some really watery ranch that I'm assuming was made from a powder that they made at the cafeteria at high school, and they used to be so good.

Remember, they changed the recipe.

They were like, oh, guys, we messed up.

Like, the dominoes, look, the cheese is stuck to the box.

And the new recipe didn't do it for me.

And that's when I became a Papa John's truth.

Some people say, only that's good about Papa John is the garlic sauce.

And I go, it is very good.

But

the pizza, the pizza.

The pizza.

Let me see that pizza.

See those pizzas.

Say, girl, let me see them.

Let me see those pizzas.

Yeah, girls eating pizza with their feet.

Yeah.

That's my favorite, OnlyFans.

I love that garlic sauce.

The garlic sauce is very good.

And I hoard it and use it on other pizzas when I do get other pizzas.

Yeah, oft imitated, but no one else has really cracked it.

I am, however, going back to Domino's a little bit because it's quick on postmates.

Yeah, the domino, it goes quick with the app, too.

They get here.

We ordered it for the tournament.

It was here too fast.

Yeah.

You need a thin crust.

And sometimes they put it in there too long.

And the teas a little bit too burnt.

Yeah.

And it's like, damn, dominoes always letting you down.

So I go Papa John's.

Jersey Mike's, however,

is, I'm a huge Jersey Mics guy.

It is my favorite sandwich.

like you take it over Firehouse Subs now.

I do.

Wow.

I take it over Firehouse Subs.

And there's a firehouse near my house.

Just like there's a Jersey Mike's closer.

Yes.

I could walk up to the firehouse and it wouldn't be that much further, but walk another five minutes or so.

And yet I still, I prefer Jersey Mics.

I like Jersey.

Also, they're Philly cheesesteak.

Their Philly is good.

No, their hot sandwiches are good.

They're so good.

Wow.

Lamar, Jersey Mike's, Domino's, you're hot.

I like Domino's better.

I don't know why.

I mean, everything you said about Papa John's makes sense to me.

Actually, I think Papa John's was the very first episode I did.

That's right.

On the show.

Yeah, and I remember not liking it.

Yeah.

I remember being like, I'm over this place.

But Domino's hits, it always just does what it needs to do.

It doesn't really like fail.

Same with Carl.

I'm at Jersey Mike's all day.

I like the Mike's way.

I go there all the time.

Would you say you like Jersey Mike's better than both restaurants we read today?

Is that both of you?

No, no.

Okay.

Oh, all right.

Interesting.

I wonder if you guys had a favorite going in today.

We don't have to say that.

I certainly, at my age, I'm having Jersey mics more regularly.

Yes.

Because

it's more delicate on my constitution.

But a turkey sub.

Yeah, exactly.

It's a

sub is good, though.

And we hear your order.

I do the number seven a lot.

Yeah, the turkey sub.

And how do you get it?

A mic's way.

And then I will usually add jalapenos because I'm a bit of a heat seeker.

And then sometimes I'll do mayo.

Sometimes I'll do mayo, sometimes I'll do the cherry pepper relish.

Sometimes I will do

deli mustard, but it just depends.

I like, I usually don't, like, I've learned if I, if I do more than two condiments, it just gets soupy, especially with all the juice on there.

Can I give you my, can I give you my?

I want to hear yours first, though.

How do you do?

What do you, what is, what is your new job?

Well, you know that I'm on the I'm on the big boy shot.

I told, I told you guys this, right?

Oh, they got you on the jab on the OJ?

They got me on the new jab.

On the OJ?

i'm on that guy so now i do this is a sad version of i do a mini

but i do double meat on the mini and i do uh mike's way no olive oil add mayo cherry pepper relish add pickles number seven because that's what i do so the the no oil saves you like 200 calories right it's like a crazy and then i do mayo i mean like i do mayo instead yeah okay i i will do i actually generally will do extra meat yeah yeah i like the ratio better i'm fine with the amount of of meat they put on it i get the turkey cheese i go extra mayo regular amount of mustard just like because they if you ask for mayo they just like do like a very thin right almost like butter spread and like oh my man give me a little bit more mayo come on and then uh but the mustard comes in a squeeze bottle so they just do one little thing i go salt and pepper hold the oil and vinegar it makes this if you if you don't immediately eat the sandwich That oil and vinegar ruins the bread, in my opinion.

I don't like soggy like that.

I love that.

I like that too.

I love it too.

I love it wet and shit.

I'm like, okay.

Give it to me.

Is it not only fans too?

That's the one I'm more than girls eating jersey mics with me?

Yeah.

I go extra mayo, regular amount of mustard, salt and pepper, extra pepper, and I throw banana peppers on there.

Oh, that's fun.

I have done chair.

Oh, and I just go lettuce and tomato.

I don't go full mic's way.

Yeah.

I just go lettuce and tomato.

If it was the band salt and pepper, would you want extra salt or extra pepper?

Who do you like better?

I was a salt guy.

I was a salt guy.

I started out a salt guy, then pepper, then ended up a pepper.

Pepper guy.

Yeah, yeah.

Yeah.

I was at Jersey Mike's the other day and I was like, completely forgot what Mike's way was.

I just ordered Mike's Way.

And I was like, what the fuck am I doing?

It's Mike's Way.

Like, I literally just like, I'll have everything that a Mike's way has.

And I'm like, but I do put on spicy mustard, though.

Fine.

Yeah.

You add spicy mustard to the Mike's way.

Yeah, yeah.

Another New York complaint.

When ordering through

Grubhub Grubhub and places like that, you can't never just get regular yellow mustard.

It's always spicy brown.

Spicy bruster.

Can I just get some Heinz mustard?

Some Frenches?

Yeah.

My dad was a spicy brown mustard, and I'm a yellow mustard guy.

Yeah.

I like all kinds of mustard.

In fact, I usually will commonly have like between three to seven mustards in our fridge.

I just like to have a bunch of them around.

Yeah.

All right, you confused the hell out of him.

He has no idea what's wrong.

Actually, didn't you not know what that meant for real?

Did we say this on the podcast?

Yeah, you were confused.

Someone yelled mustard.

It was, no, it was, well, okay, this happened twice.

This happened.

I was at a basketball game.

I was at a Laker game, and someone yelled mustard in the bathroom.

I was like, okay, all right.

That guy's enthusiastic.

And then Zach Cherry texted us.

Yeah, group texted us mustard, like,

like the, you know, like I was yelling.

And I was just like, I was like, yes, I like mustard too.

Thanks for

I'm going to give Mr.

Heart.

But it's DJ mustard.

That's right.

Yes.

Yeah.

L.A.

Native.

That's right.

And Kendrick Lamar.

So that's the track.

Yeah.

How about that?

Oh, my God.

Also from L.A.

Oh, my Lord.

Oh, my Lantern.

You sure you're sad about not coming back on the podcast?

It's pretty, pretty tired here.

Those guys are doing great.

So, we,

we, wait, did we get your Jersey Mike's order?

Like, what sandwich you normally get?

I like the spicy number 13, and then I started doing number turkey.

What's that?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Just turkey provolone, keeping

the mics playing.

I feel like turkey provolone is the deus consensus, right?

Is everyone kind of getting that?

Casey, you ever, you ever fuck with anything else?

Uh, I like uh, I like the Capicola, I think it's okay,

uh, the Jersey Shore one, I think the number two.

Oh, yeah, Jersey Shore is favorite.

One thing about Casey, he's gonna be authentic to his Italian roots.

I'm not in here, Mitch will fire him.

I do get the Philly, though.

I do get the Philly something.

I'm about to ask that's pretty good.

I'm

craving a Philly cheesesteak for a while.

I'm like, maybe I'll go there and get it.

You should go to another place.

I'll give you another recommendation.

Okay, cool.

I want to hear this place.

Oh, yeah.

Philly's Best in Burbank.

Oh, wow.

Yeah.

Booze Philly cheesesteak is very good, too.

Booze is good.

Yeah.

Philly's best in Burbank is one that i frequent but if i just need something quick and i'm like i want a cheesesteak i just go to jersey mics right there and it it hits the spot my favorite spot for that in la was a pandemic casualty but it was a philly west and that place was it was it's over on the west side but um they had a they not only had a good cheesesteak but they also had like you know you just get tasty cakes there but then they also had a a burger on a sub roll which i love you know like a chopped cheese oh i like that cheeseburger sub i love and i they don't do it too often when you say pandemic casualty they got the the jab and they died.

Yeah, exactly.

Okay.

That makes sense.

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Okay, so this is the semi-soft final match one of the Final Fork.

Taco Bell v.

Wendy's.

In the first round, Taco Bell, the winner of Munch Madness 2019 Mouth of the Border, defeated Domino's, the winner of Munch Madness 2018, The Slice is Right.

And Wendy's, the winner of Munch Madness 2017, 2017 chicken fight, defeated Jersey Mike's, the winner of Munch Madness 2022, Heroes Journey, suboptimal.

Rule number four from the rules I read through means that only Taco Bell, tacos, and burritos are eligible, since that's how they won, and only Wendy's chicken is eligible.

So I opted to do...

Based on a promotion that Taco Bell is doing right now, a spicy chicken mirror match, Mitch.

Wow.

There's a spicy chicken option that obviously it's a stalwart of the Wendy's menu, but also the right now they have the caliente chicken cantina burritos and tacos.

And Mitch, I believe you got some of those as well.

I got the crispy

caliente, whatever, taco.

The

caliente, rather, cantina chicken crispy taco, which is a crispy taco shell filled with slow-roasted chicken, caliente sauce, three cheese blend, more three cheese blend grilled on the outside, and an avocado verde salsa sauce packet.

I also got some fire sauce, which is not part of the evaluation, but I think the avocado verde salsa is part of the items.

Yeah, so I think that's okay.

And then the burrito is the same, similar components, except they also has crispy lettuce, shredded purple cabbage, and then pico de gallo inside a grilled flour tortilla.

These are healthier options, right?

I'm serious.

I mean, they're kind of supposed to be.

The new cantina stuff is supposed to be healthier.

It is.

And this one is just grilled in cheese.

The taco.

Yeah.

I don't think there's anything necessarily healthy about this, but I guess it could maybe be less like

potent than some of the other taco bell i mean it's all relative right it's like like what what's healthy a taco bell really nothing what i will say is the caliente sauce mitch reminded me of like a tika masala it was i didn't like the taste

yeah i was like whoa that's wild yeah i like tikka masala i do like it but in this context i was like i don't know if the i and i know i don't know if it's what they were i don't think it's what they were going for it's just the the the sensation that it kind of you know um triggered in me me and it's just like i that this is this is what it tastes like and that kind of rubbed against all the components and also just felt asynchronous versus like i'm having a burrito i'm having a taco like what what's this doing here what's this protein and what's the it was a bit of a lexic i think i thought i told you when you got in there i said all of these both of these restaurants are hitting today and i do believe that's true yeah i just think that we unfortunately got a new item that was maybe not great

was it spicy how spicy was it it's not very spicy it wasn't it wasn't very spicy i think that's it was like i think it it tasted like Tika Masala because it was like, it was supposed to be like that red hot sauce, but they weren't trying to burn people's mouths.

So it was like,

this needs to taste like something in it.

Yeah.

So it ended more like Tika Masala.

I got to ask you.

I'm just going to ask you guys, going into this, do you have a favorite Papini?

Great question, Mitch.

The Bell and Dave Thomas.

Which one is, who is your, who is your, which one do you yeah, Dave, Dave, for sure.

Oh,

that's my man.

Yeah.

You know,

it's a little bit more gray area for me coming into it because I love Taco Bell growing up.

Yep.

It was the one restaurant that I could go there all the time and never get tired of it.

Also,

McDonald's was that for me too.

But Taco Bell, even more so, because there were so many options that you could

kind of customize to your liking, you know, that I felt comfortable customizing it.

I've been a bit of a people pleaser and didn't want to make people customize things

at other restaurants.

But Taco Bell feels like it's easier to customize because they're just going quack, quack.

And so I

guess that's the sauce gun quack yeah i saw that on your fans too

um

so taco bell was great and then the whole young brands takeover thing happened and they constantly taking stuff off the menu constantly changing stuff

they ruined it in a way but but we were upset with a lot of this too there was a new ceo that came in true like when was that likes a few years back and then they pulled a lot but they have been putting more and more stuff back they bring stuff back they bring stuff back, but I don't, I hate the way they do.

Like, you know, the biggest egregious, and it's not the restaurants that we're talking about.

So forgive me for going on a tangent, but Honey Barbecue Wings and Wedges at KFC.

Oh, yeah.

What an era that was.

Those honey barbecue wings, those boneless honey barbecue wings were, and they still haven't brought them back.

They're rotating.

They're always rotating in sauces.

I don't know if they've, the Georgia gold is still there, but they were doing that for a bit.

A lot of Nashville hot these days.

Nashville hot.

Chipotle.

I don't want Chipotle.

uh, but between these two, I now have to go Wendy's, I think.

Yeah, wow, just because it's more consistent, yeah, right.

But I do like to try their new healthier options.

I've had the same thing, I didn't get that today, but I had the same thing that y'all when the cantina came out the last,

and I was like, oh, let me try this.

And I felt the same way about the flavors.

I was like, they're trying to do something.

Interesting.

I wonder, like, your relationship with Taco.

I think I'm going with Wendy's because I have a, it's more of a nostalgic thing.

Like, that was in high school.

Yeah.

That was where we hung out.

Like, after

we hung out with Wendy's, I have like an emotional attachment to Wendy's, and Taco Bell just wasn't part of that.

Sure, I didn't start really eating Taco Bell until I moved to LA.

That's interesting.

Taco Bell for me, my mom and I, when we would go to the movies at Magic Johnson Theaters in the Baldwin Hills Crenshaw Plaza, uh, they had a Taco Bell, yeah, and so we would eat Taco Bell before we went to the movies because movie snacks were too expensive, right?

And we just went to the Fridays down there, didn't we?

We did, we had that's at that

Dara Heights, yeah, okay.

This is at the Crenshaw Mall, which is on Stalker and Crenshaw, uh, King Crenshaw.

Anyway, uh,

that I have a nostalgic thing for Taco Bell too because me and my mom went there a lot.

My mom liked it because she was vegetarian, so she would get like nacho del grande with just beans on it stuff.

Yeah, and uh, yeah, but then in high school, when we would get out like early, like when we got like our senior lunch pass and stuff, right, right, like the whole basketball team, if we got out at lunch and we didn't have the next two periods and we didn't have to be back until basketball practice, we would go to the Culver City Wendy's and just hang there and eat the yellow box fries, the biggie bags, or whatever.

You know what I mean?

See, this is my thing because Wendy's, we've talked about this, but Wendy's has also declined.

I mean, so is everything in the world.

Yeah.

Yeah, maybe it's probably a bigger thing that's happening.

I just, just that Wendy's.

Do you mean the one that's like on Venice and Robertson, basically?

Oh, wow.

Okay.

That's my regular go-to Wendy's these days.

When I first went to LA, I would go there.

Yeah, that's so crazy.

I'm just.

And weirdly enough, Wags also goes when all the kids from high school are going there for lunch.

Hey, buddy.

Are you tutoring?

Need tutoring?

Teach fucking podcasting?

It's a, yeah.

I feel like that's a very solid Wendy's.

I imagine it was executing back in the day.

Like, it's for me, my relationship.

Does it have a terrarium?

Does it got the little, you know,

the glass bulbs?

Not really.

No, they kind of refurbished it.

But that's the Wendy's I remember.

That's the one I remember going to in Long Beach.

And for for me, as a kid, Wendy's was like the nice one, like versus like Carl's Jr.

and Burger King and McDonald's.

And so that's the association I had.

I always held it in like some esteem of like, oh, we're going to a slightly better version of this,

of this fast food experience.

Taco Bell, and Mitch, we've talked about this.

I like Taco Bell a lot.

Going into this one, especially with how Wendy's has been executing lately,

I feel like I'm more of a leaning Taco Bell, but I was trying to- Here's the thing.

Yeah.

Much like a young Carl Tart,

they kind of were both, they were both dunking today.

This was they were

both, they were both doing pretty well.

But, but I like for me, Taco Bell has always been my number two to Del Taco.

And I know Taco Bell is just like better these days.

Del Taco is really like,

they just, they, they need to get their act together.

That burger used to be good at that.

That burger's got the double del.

Yeah, it's great.

Now it's not as good anymore.

They, they just like, they keep Mitch.

We were talking about, uh, you know, earlier about menu items being removed.

And that's a frustration, obviously, with Taco Bell, but Del Taco is even worse.

They will just arbitrarily kill something that's been on their menu forever for no reason.

Like the spicy Jack Quesadilla.

I'm still bitter about that.

The spicy Jack Quesadilla being removed is insane.

Also, here's what I'll say about Del Taco.

I got it the other day.

Yeah.

And Del Taco of any fast food place, one of the only fast food places where I can reheat.

a Del Taco order the next day.

And it works.

And it works.

Like there's no other

chicken stuff to it.

It speaks to its qualities.

You know what I mean?

Like,

I got a spicy chicken burrito and I didn't eat it.

And I put it in the microwave, and it tasted good the next day.

Like, that is so rare for any fast food ever.

I wouldn't even do that with Taco Bell.

There's no way.

I don't know how I have the Taco Bell menu is so different.

Like, when you sent it to me today when I was looking at it, I was incredibly overwhelmed.

Like, I didn't know what I was looking at.

I was like, what is this?

All this shit.

They've gotten a little cute, I would say.

Now, like you're saying, they always change stuff out and they bring stuff back.

And the new part of the menu is always, there's something always new there.

They've done.

too.

We don't like what's happened with with either of these places.

We want Mangioni to you,

but take it easy.

Luigi,

we need you to go give Dave Thomas the jab,

preferably Johnson and Johnson.

Remember, everybody was hanging on Johnson and Johnson, right?

Like, oh, you got Johnson and Johnson?

Oh, you got the

turnout to be the good one?

Is that Johnson Johnson up to be That was the real one.

It turned out to be the one with no additives, no preservatives in Johnson.

Was that the single dose?

Yeah, single dose.

I should have known.

I used the Johnson Johnson baby shampoo for most of my life.

They use a lot of Johnson Johnson's baby oil, too, right?

At the Diddy Park.

I gots the Diddy Party with my baby oil.

Like Flintstone, yeah, knocking on the door.

I got it.

You go to the door, and somebody comes in and pushes you out.

Puffy!

Just knocking on the door.

He's calling you puffies there.

I got the Taco Bell menu

open now on the app.

And yeah, it is the kind of thing of like they've carved their menu.

I do like their app a lot.

It's very easy to customize, as you're saying, but they've carved their menu into a bunch of different injector, my baby oil.

Into a bunch of different sections, like online exclusives, cravings, value meal.

Like it's just a little bit tough to navigate.

And then, like, what is covered by tacos and burritos does include things like the cantina tacos that we're talking about.

Of course, they're classic soft tacos, spicy potato, soft taco, crunchy taco, one of my favorites.

And there's locos, but then also, like the chalupa is in there and the cheesy gordita crunch is in there, which is like arguably are those tacos.

I guess that's how they're choosing to classify it.

They're bringing back the Cool Ranch Doritos Locos tacos.

Yeah, I was like, we're like, what happened in that?

They put it off the menu now because they're doing the Errors menu, which they've done one already.

And so it's like,

yes, it is.

It is very much like it's like I thought it was going to be like 70s or 80s, but that doesn't make sense.

Well, this one is like a 2000s and they're doing the cool.

But why did they take it off the menu anyway?

Why'd they take it off?

Why'd they take off the hot one?

The flaming, the nacho, the flame, the Ritos Locos Flamin' one was my favorite, which I'm assuming that shell was just a Red 40 massacre.

Yeah.

It was so good, though.

It was so good.

I like Red 40.

I know it's bad for you.

It's my favorite.

I think it's my favorite food.

Did y'all used to have the

jugs of juice from the grocery store?

They were like 99 cents for a gallon.

Red, like burger throat.

Yeah, but it was tasty.

Yeah, you

come inside from playing and you'd pour a big cup of that.

There was a great time in the early 90s where they put like just, remember

the squeeze it's

any sort of tube that had just like shitty ass juice in it.

And I loved it.

It was, it's like my favorite, a red or a blue juice was my favorite drink at one point.

You know, they've redesigned Capri Sun, apparently.

It's not the pouch anymore.

with the straw that doesn't work.

Yeah, like it's just like, and I was like, well, that's the attire appeal is the form fast.

You're going to get rid of that.

Like, who cares?

If it's just a juice box.

That's what I drink here.

It's a juice box now?

Yeah, I think it just looks like something else.

It just looks like a generic thing.

I had so much fun with that.

We blow it all up with the air and then

let it launch and stab someone in here.

It's a little scarier in schools now, I feel like.

it's way worse now.

I wonder if they changed it because it blew up on TikTok that you would cut the bottom of the Capri Sun pouch and it would have some type of goo or mold in it or whatever.

Oh shit, really?

Yeah, people would cut it.

They're just like bottles now.

Yeah, they're bottles.

They're bottles.

That is wild.

That's sad.

Yeah, look at that.

That's sad.

Yeah, I don't like that.

Yeah, that sucks.

Too bad.

That's what it's like getting older.

You're just like, man, in that day, we used to have pouches.

And it's like, the kids are like, I don't care.

And we're reminiscing over like plastic bags that filled had like held onto juice.

But still, I think it is, it is, it's sadder to me.

Yeah, that sucks.

Yeah.

That's a bummer.

They had the coolest commercials with the like.

Yeah, the liquid people.

Yeah, that shit was dope.

Jack Allison's dad probably did that.

You know, Jack, you know, Alex, Alex Mac?

Yeah, yeah.

Yeah.

Jack Allison's dad did all the

graphics on Alex for that.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

He turned Alex Mac into the safe of the slider.

You know that?

Yeah, I know all this.

That's connected to the commercial, right?

I'm guessing he probably, he probably did do.

I'm guessing he probably did do the effects.

I'm guessing.

I don't know if he did.

Yeah, we don't know for sure, but it is a good chance.

I'm going to put it on Google.

And they got the Alex Mac guy.

Well, I swear, Mitch, if you're wrong about this, I swear.

I'm going to text Jack right now.

I'm going to find out.

Let's see what happens.

We can carry on with the show.

I'm going to text him out as you carry on with the show.

Okay, just give us an update.

I'll give you an update.

Let's start with Taco Bell.

Lamar, you got the Chalupa Supreme with chicken and the chicken enchilada burrito.

Yes.

And Carl, you also got a chicken enchilada enchilada burrito.

Did you get the same order?

You also got a chalupa supreme and chicken and enchilada burrito?

You didn't get that.

Did you got that too?

I did.

It was a chicken.

Carl was a regular beef.

Got it.

Oh, okay.

Yeah.

I got the chalupa I got was with beef.

Got it.

Right.

Oh, yeah.

I had to change my.

It was because all chicken.

So I didn't.

You were supposed to eat all chicken?

No, no, not really.

I thought we were only supposed to get chicken from Wendy.

That's true.

Okay,

oh, shit.

So did you think that?

Yeah,

I was asking you in the other room.

I was like, do you not eat beef?

And then you didn't.

You walked out of the room.

I don't know why.

I don't know if you're mad at me.

You screamed DEI as mad at you.

I don't know why you want to listen to me.

No, I must have misread your text.

I was like, maybe I just saw a chicken and was like, all right, I'll get chicken.

Oh, yeah, yeah.

Oh, but maybe it was because the chicken tasted dead.

That threw me off.

Oh, right.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Okay.

Which we should have got you anyways.

I will say it ended up being, for me, a useful exercise having chicken from Taco Bell to compare to chicken from Wendy's because also

this, like, like like chicken isn't Wendy's main protein.

Like I always thought of chicken like like I like the spicy chicken sandwich.

That's my favorite Wendy's sandwich, but I always thought of that as a burger place.

That's what people know it for, you know?

But then I mean, in my head, I'm like, is it a chicken place then?

The spicy chicken sandwich is the best meat I think.

Yeah, that was a legendary kind of thing.

I still love it.

It's my favorite.

It's still my favorite.

I like it still more than the Popeye's sandwich.

I know that sounds crazy.

Yeah, you tripping.

What did y'all think?

I do like the Popeye sandwich more.

And I think if Popeyes, the Popeye's chicken sandwich had existed back when we did that tournament in 2017, I think Popeye is probably.

Yeah, I would have probably been bad about it.

It just wasn't around.

What did y'all think of your Taco Bell?

So the order that I got, I didn't realize because we had to get a taco and we had to get a burrito.

Yes.

Once I checked that menu that Amelia sent and saw that the chaloopa was listed as a taco, I said, it counts.

Yeah, it feels like a loophole, but it counts.

What I didn't do was what I would normally do.

And if they bring him back an error's menu, my favorite thing of all time at Taco Bell was the nacho cheese chalupa oh sure and you can add nacho cheese to your chalupa supreme uh if you order it on postmates or whatever you you can make that or if you go to the restaurant but i didn't do that because i follow the rules of the tournament no extra no extra sauces right no like hmm we could have let you do it

we should you know what we just shouldn't have sent any of these stupid rules to you i'm embarrassed

you didn't send the rules i know the rules all right

It was on Instagram.

But I commissioner died, though.

I did.

Shout out to Suss.

But I.

Hey, we didn't post about that?

We might have.

I don't know if we posted about it or not.

How many plots Sus is going to take up?

He's probably figuring that out right now.

Like

when the worms found out, I was going to say this earlier.

When the worms found out that he was dead, it was like the end of episode six where it shows all the different planets celebrating, you know what I'm saying?

Tattooing.

Tattoo.

Yeah, like different worm.

You know what I'm saying?

Like all these.

All right.

All right.

Sorry.

It was worth bringing up.

Corusant.

Andorra.

You see Andorra yet?

Her nominated.

The chaluba bread always hits.

Yeah.

It always hits.

The crutchy, the flavor of it, I, I'm assuming they fry it, like, whatever, and, and it hits good.

My chicken enchilada burrito left a lot to be desired.

Oh, no.

Because it was too much rice, which their Mexican rice is good.

Yeah.

And the sauce is good, but they didn't put the sauce evenly.

And nothing was evenly distributed in the burrito.

And I took bites from both sides because, you know, we are not going to finish the whole thing.

Yeah.

It's going to

get my feel.

We got a lot of food to eat.

But like, I took bites from both sides to try and get the and it just quite it just didn't quite

didn't quite do it for me where what i know they could have done because there were flavors in there that the enchilada sauce is very good the rice is very good the chicken kind of maybe should be covered in the sauce a little bit more yeah the ratios weren't clicking the ratios weren't clicking and that that that hurt which is huge

they're about the ratios that's what gabris has said that that that taco bell is about the different goos yeah sure

that's

like yours those guns

I love those guns.

I love every goo at Taco Bell, but it does need to, there's times when they don't hit it with the right amount of goo.

And it's

so interesting because I had the opposite experience then.

Because, oh, maybe they hit mine right because I had the chaloopa, the chicken and chilada chalupa was great.

I thought it was great.

It was hitting.

And then the chicken chalupa supreme was not hitting for me.

Wow.

But I also wonder if it's because I had that salad and I was like not really hungry as much as I thought I'd be.

And I was just like, so it actually made me really like go purely based off like what was hitting my palate.

Yeah.

And the chicken enchilada was hitting it.

But like, I don't know, somebody Supreme wasn't doing it for me.

Wow.

That's, I don't usually go chicken too often at Taco Bell.

I usually just go shredded beef, basically.

Me too.

I should, I wish I would have did it.

And I was surprised today that I got something that I've never, and people will be like, I can't believe you've never gotten this before, Wags.

But I got the cheesy double beef burrito and I've never even gotten that before.

Wow.

And

I liked it.

It was, it was, that's, that was the first thing I took a bite into.

And I said, we got these are both of these restaurants are, are on their A game today because I thought my one, the, I got the ghost pepper ranch chicken sandwich from Wendy's, which I know we'll get into that in a second.

But I had taken a bite of that, and that was also hitting.

You know, used to be good about that, the cheesy double beef joint, they would put

flaming hot Fritos in it back in the day.

Do you remember that?

I do remember this.

And they now, they now have, uh,

they now, they now, it's just like tortilla strips, I guess.

They're not the, like, I think they lost their promotion with Fritos, but there was one that I used to get that wasn't called the, that, there was one that was like the Fritos one, right?

And that's the one I used to get.

I don't think I, I don't think I've ever gotten the Fritos Locos.

Yes, yes.

The Fritos.

The Fritos Locos and the Cheetos Locos.

Which there's the same, they're the same company, right?

So I don't understand.

So I don't know why a lot of the Frito stuff went away.

But so maybe, maybe I have had the cheesy double beef burrito before, but mine was fantastic.

That taco, like we talked about already, Wags, was not great and then we can't judge it but we've got the staco and case crunch wrap sliders and those were pretty good too that was good yeah you gotta have some of that i loved it i was like oh this is good yeah but we can't judge it on that but those would be those are tasty they're good

they're pretty small and it's like isn't it two for like seven dollars five bucks but yes oh five oh five bucks is a lot more reasonable but i was like i was like with a queso dipping

because you had to take a bite i was like all right i'm gonna take a bite without getting close to where you bit exactly i cannot do it i feel like i was like like, oh, that's not possible.

Yeah, it was crazy.

He's got a giant mouth.

You know, he's in the one percentile.

I'm in the top 1% of mouth sizes.

Mouth and house.

Yes, on oral facials pain specialists.

He told me like I was one of the biggest mouths he'd ever measured.

That's crazy.

Who is

oral facial pain specialist?

I thought you said a norofacial pain.

And then I saw, I went to, after that,

I went to, you know, get my mouth x-rayed, my jaw x-rayed.

And it's one of those things, like, you talk to any medical professional, you always assume they've seen it all.

But then the x-ray technician, the radiologist, was like, wow, you can really open your mouth.

Like, we staggered her.

And this is a Hollywood place.

Yeah.

Some of their clients, they got Bruce the Shark from Jaws.

That's right.

That's one of their.

They're with like Julia Roberts or like Mick Jagger.

You go straight to Bruce the Shark.

That's true, though.

I was trying to think of someone with

a big mouth.

Trump.

Mitch, don't get me started.

The biggest mouth of all.

Yep, yep, that guy.

Mitch, you said you'd never had the cheesy double beef burrito.

Have you looked it up and I have?

I have to give you a Pinocchio pointedly because you had this on last year's Munch Madness 2024 in the second goop stage with guest Lamar Woods.

Wow.

You called me on it, man.

I remember that, man.

I was like, yo, he's lying right now.

I was in my head, like,

I can't call him out.

He's man, right there.

I already called him out for his thanks idea.

Thank you, my friend, for not calling it out.

Uh, you know what, then it was completely new to me today because it was so good.

They did a great job with it today.

I remember us liking it, yeah.

Not again, not a menu item that I would get with any regularity.

I've kind of locked into what I get.

The BP5 layer I like, though I do like the rice in there, too.

So maybe I'll add rice to the BP5 layer.

The rice is good in there.

Yeah, the rice is good.

I like that.

Their rice is good.

Yeah.

i'm torn on rice and burritos generally like like sometimes i feel like it adds too much starch you know but then there's other times i was like oh wait this is nice i i like you know it just adds like it's situational i'm deviating for a second please uh like a septum you uh

you have you eaten like a burrito at cactus yeah of course yeah yeah and oh my favorite we still talk about it because it is change yeah

that you don't like the rice in those burritos no i do like the rice in that burrito but i i just it's it just depends i like, I feel like sometimes what can happen is what, what, and I know, I don't think this is exactly what you were saying, but the like what can happen with like a fast food burrito is it's just got too much rice in it, you know.

And Jemmy's doing a little dog scanners thing, her, her, her face is like uh twitching around,

so that's some REM sleep,

how about that?

Oh, life's bigger,

probably during a big bone, is my guess.

Um,

uh, I was at summer camp, or uh, and this kid was insisting that that REM song was not, I think I thought I saw you cry.

He's like, the lyrics are actually, I think I thought I saw you scry.

Scry.

He's like, he's like, it's just a fake word.

He said scry.

And then, and it was one of those things.

It was like, like, we didn't, no one had a phone, you know, there's no way to look this up.

So it was just like, we're just telling this kid that he was wrong.

He's like, well, look it up.

Like, it was like, it's in the lyrics.

I was like, oh, scry how would we look it up yeah how did you look it up it's 1988

harvey let's get out of here

i mean scry might be a word but i don't think it would make any sense in that context s-c-r-y i'm looking up scry right now scry fall magic scry refers to the act of divining or fortune-telling by gazing into a medium like a crystal ball or mirror to seek visions or messages about the future or hidden knowledge.

Oh, yeah, of course.

It's a it's a magic gathering.

Scry is

foretell the future.

Scry.

So he thinks he thought he saw someone looking into the future.

Okay, maybe.

I'm looking up the guy's mind.

I'm looking it up right now.

Lyrics.

Maybe this kid was right.

Wow.

Life is bigger.

It's bigger than you, and you are not me.

All right, hold on.

Are you rap genius?

Where are you?

That's uh, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, rim genius.

Losing my.

Wait, where the fuck is it?

Oh, I thought that I heard you laughing.

I thought that I heard you sing.

I think I thought I saw you scry.

Is it really scry?

No, it's try.

Wait, is it try?

It's try.

Yeah.

Oh, wait, but there's a second part.

Is it try or it's cry?

Did they say try?

It's try.

Oh, it's try.

Okay.

I always thought it was cry.

Also, you fucking little idiots were wrong too.

So scry,

scry kind of sounds like Try.

Yeah, it does.

Scry, Try.

If you like Try,

if that song came out in 1987,

what's your name?

Something like that.

I think that you're pretty close.

87.

Let me see here.

1991.

91.

Okay, so 91, you're probably eating

a bag of big league chew.

Sure.

Michael Stipe, is that his name?

Michael Stipe, yeah.

He's probably eating a bag of big league chew.

Michael Stipe is eating the bag of big league chew.

He's eating

fruit.

He's eating fruit stripe gum.

Oh, yeah.

The zebra, the zebra bat.

I feel like big league chew is a much tastier gum.

Yeah.

That fruit, striped fruit, or whatever it was called, lost flavor

in seconds.

I'd have a big wad of big league chew in my mouth during baseball.

You know what I mean?

When you were playing baseball, I'd have a, I'd get it, like, like it was chewing tobacco.

I coveted big league chew and I don't think I was allowed to have it because it was like it looked like chew tobacco.

Oh, okay.

And so that I mean, that was the whole reason they did it.

And then it's just like so kids could feel like they were in the major leagues and chaw.

But you know, your parents wouldn't let you have it?

I don't remember.

I don't think they did.

Yeah.

I think I had it because like other kids had it, but I don't remember.

George, Carrie, come on.

What the hell?

We would pack a lip of it back in.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

And parents would be like, don't do that.

You chew it.

Right.

Like, you don't like they would kind of regulate that.

I heard that it's big league Zins now.

There's just a little pouch that you, and it's got the, it got the big league flavor, but it's just a little pouch of it's a zen.

Can I share a zen story?

Please.

I would love to.

Also, someone tell me what a Zen is.

Yeah, it's a little nicotine.

I didn't know what we met.

Yeah, it's a little nicotine pack.

It's what people trying not to smoke.

They pop a Zen.

Got it.

Zins, Zins are like if you had having a lip in, now you have a Zen and people have Zen's.

Yeah.

Oh, okay.

And sometimes you could do an upper decker where you put one down and one up.

Okay.

Yeah.

But they give you a buzz.

And so the other night, I was celebrating my homecoming with some libations with friends.

And I popped a Zen in at like at an after-hour spot, like three o'clock in the morning.

And the first.

Did you have to spit Zen out too?

Just like two minutes ago?

You don't.

Oh, you don't.

You can just kind of leave it there.

But the first five minutes of this were like almost euphoric.

And I was like, well, there it goes.

I'm addicted now.

Not necessarily.

I don't have an addictive personality, but I.

I popped it in and I and then like immediately I got so nauseous.

Like it turned so quick.

Oh wow.

Wow.

And I

threw up in the club.

Oh, no.

But not in front of the gals.

Sure.

I walked out.

I was headed toward the door because I started.

I literally just got so dizzy.

My body just started thumping in a weird way.

Like I felt my heartbeat, you know, and it threw out my whole body.

And I was like, I got to go.

And I walked out.

And as I was walking out, I just hit the wall with a little back.

Why'd you do that?

What made you want to do that?

I couldn't hold it.

No, I mean, what made you want to use the zen?

Oh, because

why you throw up for?

My body rejected the zinc.

My body rejected the nicotine.

I mean,

we just wanted to try it out.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

It's buddy that you thought he was asking about why you threw up Lamar to like a little kid.

Why'd you do that?

Why'd you throw it?

Why would you throw up?

You were still physically in the club, or did you make it outside?

I was in the club.

Oh, man.

Sorry to whoever had to clean that up.

It wasn't a lot.

Yeah, sure.

It wasn't a lot.

It was a quick hitter.

The first time I ever threw up from drinking is I had a head chewing tobacco on my lip.

And then I was drinking

and I was spitting but I was also drinking and smoking weed

from the stand lot thing like it made me never want to do that.

Oh, yeah, it'll make you it will make you barf

but the big thing

I used to like smoking cigarettes while I was drinking like that was like so like you know that that would that was that was a blast, but I never have done any sort of chewing tobacco.

I've never done anything like that, a dip or anything.

What's what what what were you smoking then?

Parliaments?

Parliaments.

Okay, I like it.

That's cool.

Yeah, it was fun.

A lot of fun.

I can see you smoking Virginia Slims.

My mom, you know what?

My mom smoked Virginia Slims.

I was certainly tempted to steal one, but I never did.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I'd try them.

You don't have to.

I mean, we'll do a cigarette episode soon.

Cigarettes are back.

All right.

Maybe it happens tonight.

We're hitting Tam after this.

I am doing another Zen tonight.

Me and Casey.

We're all marking the cash.

Yeah.

We all throw up together.

Oh, that's why you throw up.

You might be a wine mom and get a glass glasses in.

Oh, my God.

On St.

Patty's Day,

I'll get you a Greens Infandel.

Oh, is that that?

Mitch, what's your most embarrassing?

Like, was that your most embarrassing puke?

Because I have a couple that come to mind.

I'll tell mine real quick.

I mean, that was one of the embarrassment.

And they were like pouring milk on me.

They were like trying to be like, wake up.

You know what I mean?

It wasn't working.

With milk?

Yeah, they were like, drink milk.

And I was drinking it and be like, whoa.

up again.

My most embarrassing puke is definitely in Cleveland with Emma.

Oh, yeah.

I remember that night.

Well, we've never talked about it like a show, have we?

You were the most gentlemanly puker I've ever met.

I was so embarrassed.

Excuse me, ma'am.

I must have been.

I was so polite.

No, he was like, we were in the Uber, and you were like, sir, would you mind pulling over?

And he pulled over and Carl just opened the door and yaked all over the sidewalk and sat up and was like, all right, I'm good now.

There was a guy from the comedy world, and we talk about this all the time, Carl, and you were yelling, this man taught me everything I know.

You're yelling it out of sketch students.

We can say who it is.

Yeah, Michael Bush.

I just was trying not to include him.

It's the man right here.

I was trying to get him late.

We gassed him up.

That's great.

It's a lot of Dough Boys fans.

This man taught me everything I know.

That's a beautiful thing.

It was the thing we were walking around.

I was like, did they?

I didn't know they knew each other.

We had no idea they actually knew each other.

Yeah, we know each other.

That was fun seeing Bush out there.

It was.

I mean, I look, we went to the wrong, we went to a tiki bar bar and we got, and we got a lot of people.

They had those, Carl and I were drinking these tiki drinks that they had.

They were like, doesn't matter who you are, two maximum per person, and then you are cut off.

No other drinks, you're cut off after two.

And we had already been drinking at the show.

And then Carl and I each had two of those.

Yeah, we had two.

And we were like,

this should be fine.

This will keep us, this will keep us right all night.

And we both had two.

And man, let me tell you.

Was it your old roommate, your friend from the moment?

My college roommate, shout out Jamal.

Jamal Akhil was there.

My My college roommate was there.

He lives in LA now.

Oh, that's nice.

Yeah, but he was there.

It was a joyous night.

I had a lovely conversation.

I was with Jamal.

He's a good dude.

Yeah.

We had a great show in Cleveland.

Yeah.

We talked about Swenson's.

Oh, that's right.

Yeah.

That fried bologna sandwich.

The fried bologna sandwich.

Come on, man.

That was good as hell.

Still follow them on Instagram.

I get updates on Swenson's all the time.

I liked Swenson's quite a bit.

Yeah.

I puked once in seventh grade and it was one of those things that was out of nowhere where I was just like sitting in class.

I was like, I feel sick.

And then I ran outside like like during class and I tried to make to the bathroom and I was just like it's not happening I just started like fucking puking in the hallway felt so bad I had always like I'm gonna be the kid leaving the the pile puke that like a janitor puts sauce

I was like I knew I was that kid at that moment but while I was puking I heard a kid uh in the classroom behind me my friend go yeah

I puked I told you I puked when I was I auditioned for a thing that was making me nervous oh yeah And I had taken the shot.

And I never have thrown up from being, having nerves before.

And then

I barfed in the shower.

But

when I did, in college, when I did the six beer funnel and I got it down.

That's why I got six beers down.

And then I was like, I got it.

It's cool.

It's fine.

And then I remember puking.

It was cold coming back out of my body.

I puked it all out.

My other one that comes to mind, this is when I was in college.

And it was one of those ones where it's just like, you just don't know,

you don't know drinking as well so like it was very easy to overindulge when i was at that age and like you know i started drinking i was like like 16 17 and then just like for those first few years you're just fucking dumb and it's so easy to just like have a couple shots of 151 or it's like like have like seven beers on an empty stomach and then all of a sudden you just are completely shit faced so i was like plastered to the point where people were like hey we gotta get this guy out of here um so i was leaving the party with this girl that i've been talking to that i liked that we'd be you know we'd we'd been friends um and we're leaving this party we're walking out of it and we're holding hands and

she's like walking me out to like, you know, just kind of see me off or whatever and get to a certain point.

I was like, oh, see you later.

Like, give her a hug, good night or whatever.

Walk away.

I take like four steps,

make eye contact with a frat dude in driving a car, and then immediately like puke out the side of my mouth.

And then the guy, the guy, I just remember him like being like, looking at me like in his car, and he's going,

you think in front of girls is the worst.

I have my period.

You ever said that?

I did.

I had these two girls, like we were in high school, and my friend met these girls from the private school, and they were coming over to hang with us.

And right before they came, I did a gravity bong.

And I was like, I was like, oh, they're not here yet.

I'm going to just get this in real quick.

And they walked right in, right?

I just started.

I was choking off the gravity bong and threw up everywhere, like all over this city, right, right, right in front of them.

yeah it wasn't it didn't go well after that but uh rough stuff that's yeah i remember i was penning irma the other night and she went over and she barfed so she maybe was nervous you know what i mean maybe she's got maybe irma has a crush on me is what i'm trying to say

maybe she has a callback for big audition she might who knows you know there's a lot of stuff for cats that garfields love interest

when jemi barfs which is not that often she gets this crazy i call it her joker smile her little lips pull all the way back and she looks like she has this like cartoonish smile on and you'll be like what is that face then she just barfs

excuse

me horrible as fuck

i've never done an embarrassing barf in front of uh in the internet of friends but like never uh nothing nothing i haven't barfed on my i haven't held the girl's hand and then barfed like you you know what i mean

nothing embarrassing like that uh okay are we covered with taco bells anything else you need to say i mean i just i feel like the caliente chicken was i i you know not the best product they've ever come out with I think that just the protein, the sauce, and the protein.

I was trying to get some context on what the caliente sauce with the components actually are.

Some people are saying there's some chile d'arbol in there.

The Taco Bell themselves says that they're red jalapenos.

I don't really know.

I just know that the flavor profile does not line up with the other components that are in the brew and the taco.

Let's go to Wendy's.

So, Wendy's, the spicy chicken sandwich is usually my go-to.

Mitch, that was your initial order, but you did an audible.

I saw what you ordered.

You got what I did, which is I was like, I'm going to stick with the spicy chicken mirror match, and I'm also going to stick with another limited-time offering, the Ghost Pepper Ranch chicken sandwich, which is, I'll read the description here.

Our legendary spicy chicken filet.

So, it is the same

protein, but now a whole lot hotter with three layers of ghost pepper heat, including a ghost pepper seasoned fried onions, ghost pepper American cheese, and ghost pepper ranch lettuce and tomatoes.

Don't be chicken, eat it.

Damn.

First off, not particularly spicy.

Like, did you find it spicy?

No.

No, it's not spicy really at all.

I mean, the flavor was good.

But there's, I'm just saying, ghost pepper.

Like, it's not a bad thing.

Yeah, they're making it seem like it's a challenge.

They just never do.

They never do.

They just never do.

And it's a bummer because you want it to have some actual heat.

Can I say one thing?

Please.

I was eating and I was taking bites of two different things, and I don't know where it came from, so I can't say it, but there was a little tiny bone in my mouth.

Really?

It's It's from the chicken.

Is it from the chicken, but it could be from the beef, too, the ground beef?

I have never seen it.

I think it was the bone in my beef.

It was a little tiny, it was a little

bone in your beef.

It was a little tiny, it was a little tiny bone, a little tiny bone.

That's my stand-up joke.

You ever find a bone in your beef?

Would kill.

We try that on live shows.

It's fucking dead silence.

You ever find a bone in your beef?

I relate to that.

Feedback.

But I found a little tiny bone in my beef.

Wow.

Or not my beef.

In something.

Something.

In something.

In either the chicken or whatever.

And I don't know what it was.

And I wouldn't.

It would weigh on this ruling, and I'm not sure what it was.

But

you can't place which chain it even is.

I don't know who the bone belongs to.

I don't know if it's a bone.

Maybe I had him.

Maybe it was a bone I had before.

I have no idea.

Jemmy near your food?

I did not let Jimmy near my phone.

My food or my phone or anything like that.

She was not near any of this stuff.

Jimmy is like, let me go through your phone.

Who's this dog?

I just don't need your DMs.

Here's what I'll say.

It did not need the fried onions.

The fried onions, I feel like, were ungopachka.

I thought they tasted really like just something out of a can.

Like they,

I, I really didn't like them.

Oh, no.

But the actual chicken itself is so good.

And I thought it was a really well-executed sandwich.

Other than that, I didn't really get any heat from the Ghost Pepper American cheese.

Also, Ghost Pepper American cheese?

Like,

it's kind of on board.

I don't know.

It's interesting.

It's an interesting check.

I thought the sandwich wasn't bad.

I thought when I was eating, that's, I finished that sandwich.

No, I thought the cheese, I mean, I thought, like, it's just a,

I'm just surprised they didn't just check.

You're not happy with any of these hot sandwiches.

You're a heat seeker, and none of it does it for you.

That's issue.

It could go a little bit.

Panties.

Panties, panties, bras.

Men's bras, men's panties.

We just put them on.

They're comfortable.

Depends.

My tits look great.

But the like, I do think this was a really well-executed sandwich.

Now, would I rather have just had a spicy chicken sandwich?

Yes.

I feel like this is an addition by subtraction situation where the original is so good that I think if I had that same one at that same level of execution, I would have been like the base sandwich rather at that same level of execution, I would have been happier.

But I still thought this was a really satisfying sandwich.

And if I got like a, like, this is a combo with, you know, like, like fries or a baked potato and an iced tea or whatever, I'd be very happy with that lunch.

Uh, I also got some, some nuggets.

I got these, uh, the six-piece spicy chicken nugs with a buttermilk ranch dipping sauce.

Man, these, these nuggets were real good.

I had a bite.

Really hidden.

No, every hidden.

Every It's so good.

Yeah.

No, I'm doing Trump hands every time.

Every time.

Every time the nuggets are going to hit.

Trump needs to, he needs to, he needs to eat.

It's only McDonald's with him.

We need to see his Wendy's order.

He does KFC, but yeah, I don't know what else beyond that.

It's like, I haven't seen him.

Yeah, I'd be interested in what he gets from Wendy's.

I'm sure he's had it.

No more Tesla stuff.

Let's see what he does.

Tesla.

Everything's computer.

That was his new thing.

Everything's computing.

Computer.

We love it.

Tesla.

Tesla we love.

You're going to get mad at this.

I didn't tell you,

but there were two items from Taco Bell, and Amelia went to a different Taco Bell to get them for me.

Wow.

On the same trip, to be clear.

She changed.

I told you not to do it, right?

Can you back me up here?

Yeah.

Bitch said, don't do it.

He said, do what's most convenient for me.

And it was the same distance.

So I was just like, yeah, I'll go to a different one.

I'm not mad.

But the two items were the

mini sliders and

a strawberry IC.

Two things I just wanted.

And I didn't want you to know because you will get mad at me.

No, it's fine.

But

they were worth trying.

They don't count.

But I.

This is, I said this

in the break room to Amelia right before I came in.

This is the hardest decision I've ever made in my life.

I really don't know.

This is the hardest thing I've ever had to do in my life to choose between these two right now.

Wow.

What did you guys get for chicken from Wendy's?

What was your guys' orders?

I got the chick, original chicken sandwich.

That's right, yeah.

Yeah, the classic one.

We've talked about this before on the podcast, but

you used to like the spicy chicken sandwich and then you're like, you know, like, like, we're all aging, and you reach a certain point, and you're just not digesting spicy foods as well.

Yeah, it's not happening, which I love.

I still miss it.

I actually was thinking about it.

Doesn't that make you feel better that yours is dunking and ours is we can't eat the spicy chicken sandwich anymore

but you know i was thinking about it i'm not sure i hope i'm not lying when i say this but like i don't think i've ever had i think i've only gotten a spicy chicken sandwich sure because i i'm always like get the spicy so i think this might have i was like let me try the original joint and it was good man it was like i guess i could have been eating that it looked it looked it looked good it did yeah it was it was just thick

Their meat is so thick in there.

You bite into it.

It's just juicy.

Feels good.

Oh, my God.

No, that chicken, like that, that chicken patty is really satisfying.

It's really well-breaded.

It's like, you know, it's like hot.

I'm telling you, I mean, people are confused by our love of the spicy chicken sandwich.

It's a great sandwich.

It's a great sandwich.

Genuinely,

I go to Wendy's to get the spicy chicken sandwich more than I go to Popeye's to get their chicken sandwich.

I know that there's

maybe because it's closer, but yeah, you know, it's weird that original chicken sandwich, I don't mean it's in a bad way, it reminds me of the chicken sandwich and cafeteria food, like in high school.

Like, I don't know, it just tastes like home or something.

Yeah, yeah, it's real shit.

You know what I'm saying?

Yep, mustard.

I should have got a chicken sandwich.

I do like Wendy's chicken sandwich, kind of.

I'm a bigger fan of the junior bacon cheeseburger.

Oh, yeah.

Because I couldn't get, because I had to get something chicken.

I didn't do that.

But do you, are you a Mayo on a burger fan oh yeah big time he's a mayo on everything he used to eat spoonfuls of it this guy my my burger topping sauce topping is is just ketchup and mayo wow i like that i don't i don't even do mustard like except except at mcdonald's yeah uh on a on a cheeseburger you gotta have i don't do any mayo at mcdonald's but i don't know if it's still in brooklyn but there's a place there's a place natalie and i used to go to get a burger that was a uh it was called just called diner it was in williamsburg and they had a house mayo they made that you could get on the burger that was like it was like a two-dollar ups charge because it was like they made it there, but it was so fucking good.

It was like the best mayo I ever had, and it was a really good thing.

It was like Daniel Stern in there, and like uh

that's the movie Diner.

I'm making a reference to that no one even fucking knows.

Yeah, I know what you're talking about.

I don't even remember the rest of the cast of Diner.

I know Daniel Stern is in it, right?

Yeah, it's like Harvey

W?

Is Harvey W?

Harvey W produced it?

Yeah, I saw that movie.

That was like Barry Levinson's first movie or something.

Like, I saw that movie once, like 25 years ago.

This is a New York City place called Diner.

Yeah, it's just called Diner.

I mean, I don't know if it still exists.

This is the place we went to more than a decade ago, but a number of times.

Oh, snap.

Let me see.

1982 Diner.

This is the

is that the place that you went to?

Oh, let me find it.

Yeah.

Let me rent the cast real quick.

Steve Gutenberg, Goots, Daniel Stern, Nikki Rourke, Kevin Bacon.

That's what I was trying to think of.

And Timothy Daly are the principal

male characters.

Loaded.

Yeah.

Loaded Loaded cast.

Loaded baked potato right there.

The diner in South Williamsburg is still open.

No, I was going to say, I think I saw one of those YouTube things where it's like a chef thing.

Yeah.

And I think this really dope chef took over it.

Oh, wow.

Do like,

it's just fucking like good.

I want to go.

You've got to check it out when I'm back out there.

I really like that spot.

Yeah, it's got kind of a great atmosphere.

Nick and I are talking about going to...

We're talking about going to New York City in early May.

We're going to hang with you.

Come on.

Come on.

We're going to go and hang with you.

That's the plan.

Right, why?

Let's go to diner.

I I mean, hey, like, if we can sort it out, I love New York City, city that never sleeps.

And I love it.

It's sleeping now.

It is.

It's sleeping now.

I'm telling you, the 4 a.m.

bar, there are still 4 a.m.

bars.

I'm not going to, because people will jump down my throat about saying this, but a lot of places close at two now since the pandemic.

Really?

Even Bo Degas.

Even some Bo Degas close.

Wow.

Like, and so

the city never

has gotten a little sleepy since after the pandemic.

One thing I love about New York City is the public transit.

I know you're a guy who likes to drive.

Drive.

And I imagine you don't have a car.

Do you have a drink inside you?

I imagine you don't have a car in the city.

I imagine you don't have a car in the city.

I do not have a car in the city, and it kills me.

How are you getting around?

The fucking train.

You like it here, too.

I do, yeah.

Yeah.

I mean.

I grew up taking it here.

Sure.

That's what makes me hate it.

Right.

You know what my, you know what I can I say, my favorite thing about New York City?

Yeah.

Lady Liberty, that beautiful broad

who represents freedom, wise.

I love that beautiful broad lady.

I love that beautiful broad

curves.

She's got.

Oh, imagine what's underneath those robes.

Oh, my God.

I've tried.

My favorite lady in New York City is the gray lady because I'm an intellectual.

The New York Times.

The time you heard of it.

I've heard of it.

All right.

Moire's favorite lady is Hoda Coatby.

What up, Hoda?

Peace, Hoda.

I like Hoda.

Hoda's cool.

Yeah, they do still have the grass-fed and finished burger there on that menu.

So I'm looking at the diner menu right now.

So I imagine it's the same.

Yeah,

good spot.

Potato roll.

Let's go there when I come back next week.

Y'all like a potato roll?

You guys got to go to Cats, too.

Cats is my.

I know it's like a big touristy spot, but do you like a pastrami sandwich?

Where's that at?

And what part of the city?

Manhattan.

It's in Manhattan, but I don't know where exactly.

Lower East Side, man.

Lower East Side, East Village, somewhere over there.

I will say this.

And

this will get a lot of heads turning real fast.

This is going to cause some people driving their cars right now.

Pull over to the side when I say this.

Let's check.

So you don't crash.

Okay.

Pastrami on Rye is not my jam.

Really?

See?

That's

right.

Like Johnny Pastrami.

yeah, that's my shit.

Well, okay, that's bastrami on a roll.

I prefer it on a roll.

Bastrami on a roll with a lot of mustard.

Mustard.

I do like it.

I do like bastrami on rye, but it's got to be like good rye.

A lot of times I feel like you're getting like a, like, a, some store-bought rye.

It's like, get this out of here.

What are we doing?

Rye bread's not for me, man.

Like,

I don't like the, I don't like the seeds.

Sure.

Yeah.

Do you see DJ Mustard and Sneaks?

Do you guys see the trailer for sneaks?

No.

As well as sneakers that get separated in New York City.

Wait, is this the animated movie?

Mackey's in it?

Yes, the animator movie is circulated.

Yeah.

DJ Mustard's in it.

Oh, wow.

It's a talking shoe movie.

It's a talking shoe movie.

Mackey is one of the shoes.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

And then, like, the shoes get separated, and Mustard is in it, I guess.

DJ Mustard's just in it.

Is there like a hippie who's a Birkenstock?

They probably do that sort of job.

There's got to be something like that.

Maybe like a real punch-up.

A real prissy high heel, you know?

Yeah.

We got to get you back.

We got to get you.

We got to get you working.

We got to end this show somehow.

We're going to get you in a room room somewhere.

We're going to get this guy working somewhere.

For God's sakes.

Doc Martin is like, I'm going to shave my eyebrows.

We got to get you to, because you can do it on the roll, a cats.

You don't have to do it on Rye.

Yeah.

It's great.

Do you like cats?

Do you like a lingering out here?

Or is that the same sort of issue?

It's the same sort of issue.

Yeah, yeah.

I prefer Johnny Pastrami.

Yeah, I like Johnny Pastrami.

You know, like that cold pastrami, like kind of thick cut.

It's just not, it's just not something I really grew up eating.

And so it's not my, it's not really my thing.

I don't, I don't, I don't shit on it.

I don't say like it's nasty, but it's just like it's just not for me.

We're gonna get you a corned beef sandwich tonight.

Hopefully gray.

We'll see what they got there.

Yeah.

I'll talk about it.

Yeah.

Corned beef.

You never had a corned beef sandwich?

Oh my god.

Oh, this is gonna be great.

We're gonna have a good night.

The way I like sandwiches to be

is not conducive with New York.

New York is not big on condiments on your sandwich.

They're just like the meats.

And like, you know,

Italian subs.

If you ask for mayonnaise, they're like,

oh, yeah.

They'll get mad at you.

I thought it was wild that they put

ketchup and hot at the bodega in New York.

They put ketchup and hot sauce on that breakfast sandwich.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I never done that before.

I loved it.

Like the bacon, egg and cheese, dude, ketchup and hot sauce.

Yeah, I thought that shit was so good.

I loved it.

Well, look, sadly for L.A., the late night spots we have are

two of the people we're talking about today, Wendy's, what, two of the people, two of the restaurants we're talking about today, Wendy's and Taco Bell.

As far as late night eats-wise, we've talked about it.

I mean, there are people involved here, Mitch.

Wendy's, of course, named for Dave Thomas's daughter, and then of course Glenn Bell, the namesake of Taco Bell, who stole

all of his recipes from a Mexican restaurant.

Meet La Cafe.

Yeah.

San Bernardino.

Right?

Yeah, that's right.

Yeah, come on now.

Yeah, you got to know your history.

Jesus Christ was black.

I got the nuggets.

Yes.

What do do you think?

I love them.

Every single one of them.

What's your normal dip and sauce?

Because this is always a thing with me.

If I'm eating regular nugs, like, I can do barbecue.

I can do sweet and sour, I can do honey mustard.

But spicy nugs, I was like, I feel like I can only do ranch.

You got to do ranch or they're, they're, they used to have a, a ghost pepper, ranch.

Oh, right, yes.

They're ghost pepper, so it'd make it even spicier.

Yeah.

I didn't get any of that because I did not request it from Amelia.

I, I was, the whole day,

I was hoping that she would just get some anyway.

But that's not on you.

That's on me because I didn't request it.

I'm like, she'll do it.

She knows what's up.

She knows, she's going to get all this off.

But it is a little bit of a failure on her part that she did.

But the ranch did just fine with the nuggets.

And I also will do honey mustard with those spicy nugs, too.

Oh, that's fun.

Wendy's honey mustard is very good.

It's good.

Yeah, I like it.

Wendy's honey mustard is better than McDonald's honey mustard.

But McDonald's sweet and sour is better than Wendy's.

Yeah, we were going to talk.

Let's talk about that.

Yeah, sweet and sour at Wendy's is not hit the same.

No, it's not as good.

It's so interesting.

Yeah.

Like, what are they doing differently?

Sweet and sour sauce at McDonald's, you can drink it in a cup.

Yeah.

What's tricky?

What gets tricky for me is the Chick-fil-A sauces because they have so many.

And I feel like some of, like, the Polynesian sauce, I was like, this is sometimes just, sometimes I really like it, but other times, like, this is way too sweet.

But their Chick-fil-A sauce, like, I love it.

And then, like, like, KFC attempted a Chick-fil-A sauce simulacrum called, I can't remember what it's called now.

They also have a

Raisin Canes

sauce called comeback sauce, which is not at all working.

The KFC is Raisin Cane sauce isn't working.

But

there's, I feel like almost too many options at Chick-fil-A that can do analysis paralysis.

Do y'all like Raisin Canes?

Love it.

Yeah.

The sauce is bossing.

The chicken is kicking.

Yeah.

That's what they say.

I like it.

Yeah.

I just haven't had it a lot, but I should go back.

They just put one near my place.

Oh, did they realize?

I have to stop myself.

Yeah.

They just put two places near me.

People, see, people act like you can't walk

in Los Angeles.

And I might be telling where I live right now.

I'm not telling you my exact address.

I just got an idea of where you're at

from you saying this.

I'm not telling you my exact address.

But right near me is a

Randy's Donuts.

Yes.

Oh, yeah.

Jersey Mike's.

A round table pizza.

Wow.

Raisin Canes.

Firehouse subs.

Wow.

Habit Burger.

I'm telling them exactly where I live.

People are going to find exactly where I'm at.

There's going to be a lot of chubby flannel guys around that area.

If you see me in a while, it's always cool.

But

I never, like, I mean, I see people all the time.

Sure.

Especially.

But

in that area, it's very walkable.

It's very, it's a lot of good places, a lot of good places to eat.

Uh,

what were we talking about before?

Well, you can find walkable neighborhoods in LA, is it?

But but, but what you were, I think, where we were coming from is I teed up, like, what do you think about raising cane?

Oh, yeah, they just put a cane's right there.

Uh, cane's is good, I like it, man.

They make it fresh, yeah, fries are always pretty good, the sauce is great.

I am a slaw guy, I do get an extra, I do get an extra piece of Texas toast,

but I do like the slaw.

You got to make yourself a little like half, half sandwich, like, like take the take the Texas toast, put some put a layer of slaw on there put a tender on there and some sauce and you fold it up like a little hot dog yeah

wow i love that there's

now look would the would would canes and would chick-filt even though they're eliminated and would popeyes make the chicken tournament probably i mean like mitch this is what i'm gonna say when we started we did the chicken tournament uh popeyes chicken did not have the chicken sandwich raisin canes was not out here yet i don't even know if it

existed in back in baton rouge at that point it's a pretty new change what year uh 2017 yeah it was still around because i used to eat it in vegas in 2008 oh okay okay so it's been around for a while yeah um so uh you know raisin canes wasn't out here and then mitch there's also thing places like uh bbq chicken the korean chain and then bonchon which got six forks

you know i i feel like there's there's a lot more chicken we could re-litigate the chicken tournament and have a completely different victor but that's not what we're doing kyochan too

you know i think y'all got to do a separate korean chicken episode man i'd love to do that because you know first time i ever had korean chicken you know who put me on it it?

Who's that?

This man right here.

Wow.

Wow.

Kyochan and Korea.

Kyochan.

Kyochan.

Kyochan's great.

And I was skeptical because I'm a patriot.

Yeah, sure.

And

I was like,

I know you love it.

I love this country, Carl.

But you got me eating something different,

especially with fried chicken.

I'm like, bro, what you got me eating?

And then I took a bite and I was like, trust me.

You know what I'm saying?

Oh,

real quick on the sauce.

I did put some of the hot fire sauce from Taco Bell on my original chicken sandwich.

That's crazy that shit was hitting wow it was i was almost like in complete disqualification here well

it's okay it's it's fine by the way jack allison gave me an update

um

they they they're similar to alex max alex max the the i said this i said did you add to the effects for the capri son ads that are similar to alex mac nah I wonder which came first.

I think Alex Mac.

That's what he said.

Yeah.

Weird period of time.

Lots of kids material featuring like T-1000 living liquid metal, which is true that's true yeah and then he said happy st patrick's day so we we did now that's a nice event we did that's what connected to terminator or something was that like that all that liquid stuff it was right around the end it was all derivative of that was the terminator the first uh was that the first liquid

because i remember when the the matrix was out like i knew a guy who was in a a clorox ad like a couple years after the matrix and he did the matrix like bullet time thing like just in like a bleach commercial so they like they just like every ad agencies just imitate whatever's in pop culture

All right, we should get to our finalist here.

We should decide who's going to the championship.

Oh, my God.

The ultimate winner of the tournament, as specified by Jess McKenna, will be sent to the first organism to crawl out of the sea who also looked like Billy Crystal to determine whether they evolved to live on land or instead returned to the ocean to build a Pandora-esque aquatic paradise of mer people.

In other words, turn our dystopian earth into a utopian mirth.

And the winner of this matchup will advance to the MMX Championship, which will be live-streamed again

on Wednesday, March 20th.

That whole birth bullshit, they weren't even there.

They just didn't even bat an eye on a biggie size

event.

So everyone will write down who they think wins, Wendy's or Taco Bell in this individual matchup, and then we will count down from three to one and reveal our winner in unison.

Mitch, you were saying earlier, I feel like you didn't get to land the plane on this thought.

And I know you're writing down your answer, but like,

like,

you said this was the toughest decision you've ever had to make.

Is it that in the tournament of champions?

Is that in the history of this event?

I meant in my life.

In your life.

Wow.

I think, I mean, like, come on.

What decisions have I had to make, you know, in my life that are that hard?

Yes.

And I think, I mean, specifically for tournament of champions, yes.

Testify against Diddy.

Oh, yes.

Yeah.

What are you going to do about it?

Because that could potentially incriminate.

We'll see what happens.

I don't know if I'm going to do it.

I think I probably will back out when I have to, when it, when, when, you know, hey, this, this goes for all you guys, too.

I got got my boys back no matter what.

So, if anything bad goes down, I got your backs.

Um,

this, this, for,

for two chains that I do love, wages,

and I said that Taco Bell is maybe my favorite restaurant at one point.

Am I showing my answer to the camera over here?

No, I said that Taco Bells may be my favorite restaurant at one point.

Wendy's

really for so long, but I'm judging on what I got today.

So everyone can apply their own criteria.

I mean, you can judge it based off of today.

You can judge it based off of a lifetime of consumption.

I'm kind of, you know, integrating both, but like, I think today's was pretty instructive.

And I will say, as I finalize my answer here, you know, Mitch.

Which are you running over there?

We had.

We, we recently, with our, with our buddy Jason Sheridan behind the paywall, we did a chain rescue episode for Wendy's.

That's right.

And it's interesting that perhaps that was, because we did it, we were like, Wendy's is flailing.

Wendy's needs some help.

What support can we offer it?

I'm not saying we should, we deserve credit for it, but perhaps that was the kick in the pants they needed because Wendy's has been executing throughout this tournament.

They're knocking out of the park.

You may not like it, but this is what peak performance looks like.

That's my feeling about Wendy's right now.

But let's reveal our answers.

We will turn these around on the just like Carl said that

you could dunk again if you wanted to.

If I wanted to.

You could turn back the clock.

But I'd rather be a frequent guest on this show.

And Wendy's is proving they can dunk still.

They got it.

They still got it.

They dunk now?

It could be like in a Horse Awakened or sorry, Rising Skywalker basketball parody.

After my episode six reference went over so well.

I think

I made the, this is a hard decision, but I think I made the one I think is right.

I made the decision that is in my heart, but I have made peace with either of these going on to win.

I will count down from three to one, one and we will reveal our answers and say aloud who we think should win this first final fork matchup revealing in three

two

one

wendy taco bell

wow it is three to one wendy's has to be a taco bell

i can't believe you didn't put your you didn't put the you didn't put the uh the neck thing inside if you look at if you look at wendy's collar for those of you who like a little uh trivia if you look at wendy's collar it it spells mom.

Wow,

just beautiful.

That is some good.

Just beautiful.

Wait, is this in yours or just in the Wendy's regular?

No, it is.

Wendy.

Oh, yours on my own.

Oh, you do have it in yours.

Yeah.

Wise, I can't believe this.

The dream of a Taco Bell versus Taco Bell finale.

It is dead.

Taco Bell's first bid is eliminated.

Wendy's moving on to the championship.

A Cinderella run.

Wow.

I can't believe it.

I didn't even vote for it.

Wendy's is one.

You know, I'm happy.

Right next to Lady Liberty, she's busting all over the place.

She's beautiful.

She's a beautiful broad.

I love her just as much as I love Lady Liberty.

In the immortal words of Glenn Gary Glenn Ross, Wendy's is for winners.

Wow.

Well said.

You got to see the movie.

Wow.

Wendy's.

Moving on.

Just like a restaurant, we value your feedback.

Let's open up the feedback.

Wendy's is in the finals.

Wendy's is in the finals.

I can't believe it.

But, you know, hey, that's why we play the games.

Hey, let's open up the feedback.

Today's email comes from Luke.

Luke writes, in honor of Amelia, I'm going to try this again with brevity.

My dad once yelled at me and my brothers that dinner wouldn't be over until we ate our KFC coleslaw.

It lasted like an hour and got super intense.

And parentheses, funny now.

Do the boys have any food trauma that comes up every time they hear or see that food?

I mean, like, I can certainly think of food poisoning related things.

Like, like for like portobella mushrooms for a while for me, we were a non-starter because they had like a portobella mushroom, like related food poisoning.

It's like, this just is a disgusting association.

But I don't think that's exactly what the question is asking.

And the question is: do you have some sort of memory associated with a food that is associated with some other trauma?

Also, what the fuck was going on with this guy's dad?

He was mad that his kids wouldn't eat the KFC coleslaw.

Gotta eat your vegetables.

Eat your beats.

KFC Coleslaw used to have raisins in it.

Ooh, that's a a great question.

I've definitely had coleslaw with raisins.

I don't remember the KFC coleslaw having raisins.

Maybe it did.

That might have been churches coleslaw that had raisins in it.

It was always good.

I always enjoyed it.

We liked church.

When we did, we lived in churches and forever, but we love church chicken.

Don't put no raisins in my potato salad, but raisins and coleslaw.

Yeah, sure.

That'll work.

Yeah.

I like a grape in my chicken salad.

Oh, that's a lot of fun.

Just one grape.

Yeah, just one grape or

multiple grapes.

If you can afford,

if the marketplace can can afford the grapes, put as many as you want in there.

Not too many, I guess.

I'm going to say,

I told this before, Wise, but when my mom was making lemon chicken, and I did throw up to go back to throwing up, and I never have liked lemon chicken since then, like a lemon-style chicken.

But there's, honestly, I ate a sandwich at the airport, a La Brea bakery sandwich, and I love

La Brea Bakery, but there was a rock in it.

Yes, yeah.

Wow.

And I, uh, forever, because I almost cracked my tooth.

I always think about about that with La Brea Bakery, which they're great sandwiches.

I don't know what the fuck happened.

And bread and whatever.

But something like this that has like

an emotional.

That's what I mean.

I'm trying to think of something where there was like a family fight or like, you know, the friendship ended.

And so that the meal I was eating at the time was, you know,

locked in my mind.

I can't think of something specific.

Yeah, go on.

As a member of the Dead Dad Club, I've made this joke that you get a lot of,

you get a lot of the, what are the fruit bouquets?

The

edible arrangements.

That's like, so my, what I associate with edible arrangements is like, my dad is dead.

You know what I mean?

Like, I was just eating chocolate-covered pineapple and being like, oh, my dad's dead.

This sucks.

But, you know, it was good, you know, good fruit I got from it.

Yeah.

You know, not worth the trade-off we've said before for the edible arrangement.

My grandmother used to make a chicken, like a baked chicken casserole that was like really disgusting.

She did it with like canned chicken, and none of my cousins liked it.

And we used to like trade on our plates when the adults weren't looking like, if you take my casserole, I'll take your green beans kind of thing.

Oh, Oh, man.

And there was one time that we had it, and none of us ate it, so none of us got dessert.

And then my grandfather sat us all down the next day and told us how disrespectful we were for not eating dinner the night before.

I have not encountered chicken casserole again in my life ever, but if I did, I'd be like, No.

Yeah, wow.

That sketch is

canned chicken is, I made my sister's buffalo chicken dip with canned chicken once, and everyone was so mad.

It tastes like tuna.

Yeah,

it doesn't work.

You got to just get that rotisserie.

You got to get the rotisserie chocolate.

You got to get the rotisserie.

I guess if I generalize this to spills, I certainly have had a lot of spills over the years.

I do spill a lot.

I spilled this morning.

I dropped my French press on the floor and fucking

just shattered glass everywhere.

I spill a lot.

I spill my food all the time.

Yeah.

And I do have this thing, and Carl knows because I wear white a lot.

And like my dad, he wears white a lot.

I think my dad's like the coolest guy.

Yeah.

But he never spills anything on it.

so I feel like I'm I have this subconscious thing where I keep trying to do that but it doesn't work I always spill stuff on it it's really perilous to where like because I also like to wear white and yeah that's that's it's a high risk maneuver if you're a spiller I went to the movies and I got a um I was wearing a white like like jacket and I got two hot dogs and then the mustard was like erratic.

It was like going everywhere when I was using pump, the AMC pump, but I didn't get a drop on my on my jacket.

And I didn't, like, I was more satisfied with that than like the movie itself.

I was like, I feel, I'm so happy that it didn't spill.

What was the second jacket you were wearing?

What was this?

I got this jacket in San Francisco.

Yeah.

All right.

I bet it's dope.

Let me see.

I like it.

Yeah.

Show me a picture of it.

Yeah, I will.

I also spilled, this is one of my worst spill stories.

I had, it was my first day in the writer's room ever.

Like, I was like, so excited.

I never, you know, like, never thought I'd ever get this far.

We ordered Thai food for lunch and we're all in the room.

I didn't really know what the hell I was doing.

Like I wasn't really talking.

I was just sitting there.

Yeah, sure.

And

the lunch came in.

I had Pat CU and everyone left the room to go eat except for the showrunner and the executive producer.

So just the three of us in there, but they're not talking to me.

They're having like an important conversation amongst ourselves.

And then I dropped the Pat CU fell off the table all over the floor.

And like, they didn't acknowledge it at all.

They just kept talking.

And then I was like, then I tried to clean it up.

it took like five minutes i cleaned it up and i put it back on the table and it fell again right in front of them and they still did not acknowledge it it was so why did he keep falling where did you put it it was like it was on the corner it was just on the corner of the table you do i put this on the corner like that's big on putting something on the edge of a table and it's the most anxiety like

i i i be trying not to like disrespect his manhood but there have been times where i just like we'd be having a conversation, his drink be like right on the edge.

I just be like, yeah, yeah, uh-huh.

Uh-huh.

I don't know why.

I mentioned this on the other.

Yeah, don't be moving, don't move him with another man's drink.

Disrespect my manhood, right?

I mentioned this on the podcast fairly recently, Carl, but this was another tour story where I had an open coffee.

Like, I got coffee, and then they took the lid off, and we were in the car because it was just like, just to cool it off.

And I don't even remember this at all, but he just looked at me with like holding it, like knowing that I spill, holding like an open coffee in a moving car.

And you just go, Nick, what are you doing?

Oh, it's so similar.

I feel like it's like I don't learn this.

Yeah, I don't know.

I was like, I do it all the time, but I'm not going to change.

I don't know.

It's just what it is.

I'll be honest with you, I would have fired your ass that day if I was that showrunner.

But what happened?

Did he put it in the script or anything?

Or did he just never even, when it happened the second time, he just didn't even, he didn't.

Yeah,

nothing.

Yeah, I guess the rest is history.

No, I think like he didn't really do nothing.

I mean, he didn't say anything.

I just walked away, walked out the room, just sat in my office kind of about it.

You had no lunch?

Yeah, pretty much.

Yeah.

And then,

but, you know, whatever.

I was so excited that we actually were getting free lunch.

I was like, well, cool.

I'll just get something later.

But I ended up doing really well there.

But yeah,

I never talked about it with them.

I should bring it up now now that we're like.

Yeah, do you think they ignored it?

Or do you think they didn't see it?

I think they were being mean.

I think they were like, we're not going to acknowledge this.

Like, I think they knew how embarrassing this was.

And I think they were like, we're going to let him deal with this.

It's possible they also were like, it's less embarrassing for us not to say anything.

Like, maybe they could have been processing it that way.

It could have been trying.

No, I feel like in a comedy room, it's like, you should, you got to say something.

Like, it's for sure.

I would much prefer you laugh at me in this moment, but not laughing is like, that's just so much more.

By the way, you're kind of the only guy not in the green hat gang, Wags.

I got the green socks and the green, my Spy family shirt.

Yeah, but we got all got, we got all, we all three of us got a green hat.

We had a different colored hat.

Emma gave us the conover light because conover's got to be in here.

So we got to wrap things up.

I do want to ask the deus real quick, like, where would you have voted in this

in Taco Bell versus?

I haven't had Wendy's in so long, so I feel like I can't really say Wendy, like my opinion on Wendy's, so I guess Taco Bell.

By default.

Yeah.

Wendy's W.

Wow.

Wow.

Casey, once again, it falls to you.

Hypothetically here, there's no stakes.

I like Wendy's more, so probably Wendy's.

Wow.

Wendy's would have won.

Wow.

Wendy's wins clean.

If you have a question or comment about the world of chain restaurants, you can email us at feedback at birdfock.com or leave us a voicemail at 830Godo.

That's 830-463-6844.

Our producers, Emma, Erdbrinker.

Our associate producers Amelia Marino.

Our supervising video producers, Casey Donahue, and our video editors, Mike Dorfman.

Hey, Doughboys Apparel and Merchandise is available in partnership with Kinship Goods at Kinship.

I'm taking that again.

And hey, Doughboys Apparel and Merchandise is available in partnership with kinshipgoods at kinshipgoods.com slash Doughboys.

You can also go at the Doughboys double, our weekly bonus episode, bless our entire pre-2018 back catalog over at patreon.com/slash doughboys.

That's also where the other final fork matchup will take place: Taco Bell versus In-N-Out Burger on Tuesday.

Carl Tart Lamar Woods, y'all are the best.

Thank you so much for being here.

Thank you for having us.

What a joy.

Can we tell you something?

Can we make a world announcement?

We got a big

announcement.

Oh, my God.

I think I know what this is.

This is

a world premiere announcement.

No, the world premiere.

So you may have heard us do or watch the complete series of Gossip Girl here with the head gun.

This was a head gun podcast.

Yes.

And

we watched it, it was called XOXO Gossip King.

Good podcast.

With the great Blake Lively and the great Justin Valdone.

Two of our favorites.

And

that show ended.

I watched the whole series.

Well, there's another show that I've never watched before that Lamar has watched.

He told me that I should watch it.

And that show is called The Soprano.

Wow.

And so

this summer over at patreon.com/slash Hollywood Handbook.

Wow.

Lamar and I will be launching the show XOXO.

Forget about it.

Forget about it.

It's going to be crazy.

What are you doing?

What are you doing?

I've been wanting Carl to watch this show for so long.

It is like a lot of people.

I cannot wait.

i think he'll i think he's gonna love it i just re-watched all of the sopranos in the past couple of months and it's fantastic there's so many things i can't wait for you to see i'm very excited to see i'm a little bit nervous about the racism and if if i want to continue to watch i know it's there i'm i'm fine watching racism i watch i'm i'm a patreon subscriber to uh dope boys but i

uh i

i just have to get ready for it um but i am that that will be launching this summer we're gonna watch the whole series hopefully before i have to go back to wake uh in in the fall.

And that'll be on patreon.com/slash Hollywood Ham, but we got to get out of here.

I'm so excited for this.

I'm so excited

for y'all's take on this.

I can't wait.

Yeah.

And just remember,

they're not supposed to be heroes.

Even though a lot of the world took Tony Soprano and his friends as heroes, they're not good guys.

You should be telling that to Amelia.

He's the good guy.

They're multifaceted.

All right.

That's fair.

I wish we had time to ask about Satrialis versus Vesuvio, but that'll have to to be for a future episode.

Yeah, when he knows what it is.

There you go.

That is.

Oh, yeah.

I don't have an opinion about that.

That'll do it for this episode of Doughboys.

Until next time for the Spoon Red Back Mitchell and McWhiger.

Happy Eating.

See ya.

Wow.

That was a head gun podcast.