IHOP Xbox Indiana Jones Menu with Mary Holland

This is a head gun podcast.

Yes, Mr.

Gecko, you're a huge inspiration to us all.

But who was your muse?

Oh, my dear old Nan.

She imparted many wise words to me.

She would say, never let the fame get to your head, always remember who you are, and let people get more than just savings with Geico's fast and friendly claim support.

I lived up to her advice, and now anyone can file a claim anywhere and anytime.

I miss her so much.

Did she go somewhere?

Extended quilting trip.

Ah.

Get more than just savings.

Get more with Geico.

Want to watch this episode?

Check it out on our YouTube channel at youtube.com slash Doughboys Media.

1958 marked the founding of two of America's great acronymical institutions, the National Aeronautics and Space Administration, better known as NASA, and the International House of Pancakes, its name later officially abbreviated by the business.

Established in a fit of Cold War panic, NASA became a symbol of American innovation and mobilization, with landmark achievements such as the Apollo 11 moon landing, the Hubble Space Telescope, and the invention of the CAT scan.

Meanwhile, the Burbank-founded IHOP became a stalwart of American breakfast chains, pioneering the A-frame dining room, all-you-can-eat pancakes, and the Rudy Tootie Fresh and Fruity Breakfast.

But as both approach retirement age, their fates seem to be diverging.

NASA, one of the great successes of America's public sector, appears to be waning as privatization and profit motivists come to space exploration.

Meanwhile, the Pancake House, now part of a duopoly with brand stablemate Applebee's, is on the rise, writing a wave of increasingly specific and influencer-conscious branded tie-in menus.

Its most recent collaboration, a crossover with the Xbox timed-exclusive video game Indiana Jones and the Great Circle.

Does this new sub-menu belong in a chewseum?

Or will it rapidly age our GI tracks like a sip from the wrong grail?

This week on Doughboys, we return yet again to IHOP for the Xbox Indiana Jones menu.

Welcome to Dough Boys, the podcast about chain restaurants.

I'm Nick Weiger, along with my co-host,

CharlieXXL, the spoon man Mike Mitchell.

XXL.

Actually,

that's my goal shirt.

You know, Mitch, speaking of shirt sizes, I'm wearing the sideways shirt that I got, one of my favorite movies.

They released some merch for...

Now, I normally

mostly an XL guy myself.

This shirt's an L, which I got.

Hold on.

Hold on.

I'm not looking for

your XL size.

Hold on, I'm looking for phrase.

Congrats on your XL shirt size.

You think I was one of the best.

I have three times the fun with my shirts.

Give me that 3x, baby.

That's what I say.

And I say, we don't have it.

I'm all for comfort.

Wear whatever you like.

You know, we try to be size-inclusive with our merch here over at Kinship Goods.

Yeah, we gotta be.

Gonna need some more X's, boys.

No, this is actually.

I sized down because I heard this ran big.

This is an L.

I'm still fucking swimming in this some bitch.

And it's not that I've like lost weight or anything.

It's just that like this is, this shirt is absurdly big.

I feel like I'm, I'm, I feel like I'm Amelia.

What's

what's these, I feel like I'm 25 wearing this big old shirt.

Well, yeah, first of all, it doesn't look that big on you.

It feels very big.

If it doesn't look that big, then great.

It's fucking tight, if you ask me.

Second of all, if you invest in stocks, find out where Kinship Goods gets their fabric from and invest in fabric.

Whatever textile mill.

Whatever textile mill that I think there's just that we

need around the holidays, too, when people order some Doughboys merch.

It's true.

They're going to need a lot of extra fabric wages.

For me,

I need the big sizes.

I like the big sizes.

I also like things to be loose on me.

I do understand that level of comfort because for a long time, I felt this style was like, oh, everything's got to be kind of tight and form-fitting, which if you carry a little extra around the mid-section, which we both do, you feel a little self-conscious about that.

The bigger flowing stuff, I like that this style is back.

I was talking about there was a rap gift for Twisted Metal.

Uh-huh.

This is just sad.

I shouldn't tell this story.

But I was asking my mom, I was like, Which one should I do?

What color jacket?

Because you get could two.

And then Samoa Joe is getting a navy blue.

I was like, Samoa Joe's getting it.

My mom's like, You should get one too because you guys are a duo.

Yeah, that's kind of cute.

Come on, that is cute.

So I was like, All right, I'll do that.

And then I was like, I think I get a 4XL because I want it to be like big and loose on me.

And my mom was like, I won't allow you to get a 4XL size thing.

And I was like, all right,

I'm not going to get a 4XL.

Michael, the ceiling is three X's.

I feel like the ceiling a lot of the time is two X's.

Yeah.

Three sometimes.

Three is like the ceiling ceiling, but then the cool spots will be like 2XL, and the 2XL will really be an XL.

You know?

Yeah, it's sizes, man.

No one gives a shit about this.

Well, actually, there are some people.

I think people do care about this.

I mean, sizing is all about shopping for clothing.

It's fucking annoying.

American Eagle, you can eat my ideas.

Is it American Eagle?

what is the one there is a brand called american eagle but no abrocrombie actually is okay size oh no they still kind of suck gap was always good yeah to me when i was younger was that hollister no not hollister american apparel was always really

maybe american apparel there's still around they're like los angeles apparel now the founder of american apparel i think was a piece of yeah he was yeah what is so maybe that's what it maybe that's what it was i feel like american eagle maybe is it is there like a what's like a man like a oh jay Crew, wait, Jay Crew?

Is it Jay Crew that sucks?

Banana Republic?

They all suck.

There was one that the pant size only went up to like 30, like a oh, yeah.

And there's that, it's it's of course even worse for on the women's side.

There's that one brand that has like everything comes in one size.

What the hell was that?

That weird like Brandy Melville, that like fast fashion.

Everything was like one size and it was like, unless you, if you have fat on your body, you can't shop here.

Yeah.

I gotta say this.

Wayne Brady is outside your window and he's dressed like a minion.

I'm not even kidding around.

Wayne Brady is here, and he's dressed like a minion.

He is.

Okay, look, here's the thing: it's a little bit more.

Folks on the show we're doing right now, we're recording this podcast.

We're not talking to the people who are outside the studio.

Wayne Brady is here, he's wearing a long-sleeve.

I'm waving to him.

He's waving at us.

Lovely man.

Oh, blowing kisses.

That's so nice.

Wow.

Oh, my goodness.

He is wearing a yellow long-sleeve shirt and a yellow.

Now we have to.

We're waving to everyone.

And overalls.

It's very minion-coated.

He looks very much like a minion.

He looks good.

I love it.

Oh, is it?

It's like a million dollars.

Oh, here we go.

Is he coming in?

Oh, my God.

We watched you speak a momi.

Firefox.

And you gave it five bananas.

I did, yes.

Hello.

Hi.

Is it a breach of programming?

No, no.

This is so great.

I was just saying, because I saw your picture, I said she's one of the funniest people on the planet.

Oh, my God.

Yeah.

And then she said, oh, she's right over there.

so yes wait nice to jump mike nice to meet you hi nick how are you pleasure i'm sorry

we were marking on your wardrobe because you look like you're you look great you're pulling it off oh thank you so much and the shoes and also we were gonna say this it is almost it's minion coated it's like a cool minion it's like a cool minion look that's what i'm trying and trying to do i'm i'm trying to make minions cool

well this guy will love that because he's a huge minion

i'm trying so so if you can help me out yeah accordingly i can

You're the man.

Yeah.

Wow.

You never know what will happen here at Head Gun.

This is the head.

What a celeb drop-in.

He's over there right now yelling at Any.

He's like, I don't look like a fucking minion.

We blew the deal.

Oh, wow.

Wow.

What a nice, funny man.

We all like, we all like Wayne Brady.

Hi, boys.

Going back back to that roast.

Hi, boys, and a special hi to my old pal, Nick.

That's me.

Rat summer may have ended, but hopefully I can get this roast in while you're still taking them.

And if you ever need a special wine correspondent, I'm ready to enlist in the Burger Brigade.

Eric L.

I think I know who this is.

I think I went to university with him.

Oh.

Roast at birdfuck.com.

You think you went to university with Eric?

I think if this is the Eric L I'm thinking of.

And that has a wine connection.

Yeah, this all adds up.

He's ready to enlist in the Burger Brigade, which he is your friend from college and he's ready to enlist.

Join Spoon Nation, baby

get in there spoon nation numbers are dropping it's not good

uh yeah i guess it's just knowing me for 10 years you kind of you know you you don't like me here's what happens i think there was some fatigue after january 6th to blood energy out of him

look

not coming back this time people are kind of like here's the thing

Once he gets in office, everyone's going to be there.

He's going to dismiss the charges for everybody, right?

I mean,

the promise, we'll see if promises made or promises kept, but the promise was that, yes, some pardons will be coming for people who were indicted and convicted for January 16th.

So there's pardons that opens up the window for our guests.

If they get pardoned, we can have people on the show.

Hypothetically, the actor who plays Jimmy Pesto gets pardoned.

I think he's up for grabs for the Doughboys family.

I just want to say this.

Very nice man in my experience.

I have not met him.

An incredibly talented performer.

I loved him.

Yeah.

And I almost went with him.

I'm glad we are going to cut this later.

Uh,

wags, let's hit him with a drop.

Why not?

Previously, I'm threedom.

Oh, let's diss the dough boys.

I've always wanted to diss the doughboys.

Doughboys.

Should we have a feud with the podcast?

Should it be the doughboys?

Yeah, we should.

Is that fair?

Three on two.

Let's start it now.

Doughboys, more like the solid bodies.

We're coming for you.

That's nice.

Yeah.

That's about all we got.

Hey, aren't you?

Why aren't you guys dead yet?

From eating all that garbage.

Is that too hard?

That's too hard.

We don't want him to die.

We want to win this breath.

That's no way to win.

I don't want them to die.

I never said I wanted them to die.

Oh, my God.

I just expressed surprise that they're not dead yet.

Wow.

Wow.

Shout out to the Threedom gang.

We love those guys.

And we're happy you're not dead over here.

We're happy that none of them are dead.

We're happy that none of Threedom are dead.

So, yeah, I'm saying a rebuttal to them.

Paul F.

Tompkins asked, why aren't we dead yet?

And I'm saying, we're happy that everyone's alive.

We're happy they're all alive and well.

Why did you get so scared?

I don't know.

I don't know what you're doing.

I didn't know if you were throwing heat back at them, or now it seems like you're kind of deflecting.

Well, now I'm scared.

I felt like I wandered to some bee's nest here.

What the hell?

I don't know what's happening.

Well, we'll cut this too, I guess.

Threedom.

Hey, shout out to the Freedom Crew.

We love the freedom.

Shout out to the Freedom Crew.

All right, this will be a nice reset.

So we got we cut what this happened earlier.

So this is, we'll just include it.

Shout out to the Threedom crew.

We love the Freedom Crew.

All right, Girl, we salvaged it.

And we're happy, you're healthy and happy.

We're happy, you're happy, and healthy.

Something's going on today.

You're happy.

Look, Wayne Brady came in here.

Did Wayne Wayne Brady throw you off?

Because Wayne Brady was dressed like a minion?

Was that the issue?

And I was like, kind of like, how is he going to react to us saying that you're kind of

advising it?

You went for it.

I did admire it.

Yeah, yeah.

Well, I mean,

you got to say what you're saying behind.

I can't.

I'm not going to be able to do that.

I know, I know.

I don't want to seem like we're shit talking this man behind his back, which we weren't.

No, no, no, not at all.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I think he handled it.

I don't think that he is.

I don't like it.

I don't think he's upset that we called him.

I don't think so either.

I think we said it's minion-coded.

Yes.

When I first saw it, I was like, Wayne Brady's dressed exactly a minion.

I almost thought it it was a joke.

Yes, and then once I saw it more, I was like, It looks good, it looks stylish, it looks great.

It did, yeah.

He looks, he looks great, he looks so much better.

He looks so much better than I could ever look.

The hat was cool, it was great.

That looked cool.

That was the whole thing.

So, what are you?

What

is your fear here?

We love the Threedom crew, and we're happy they're happy and well.

All right, so this is good.

We got it, we landed the plane.

Landed the plane.

Who said that drop-in?

The Threedom Crew.

We love you.

I also like that.

Ackerman said

we had hard bodies.

Yeah, it was nice.

It was good as hell.

Drop for today.

Those people, people don't know that.

You got to go do comedy bang bang.

Then afterwards, he'll give you a really nice compliment.

Yeah.

It's like, fucking nice.

That's the payment.

Yeah, that's what.

Nice fucking body.

That's what he got.

I haven't seen Lapkis in a while.

Missed Lapkis.

Yeah.

Funniest.

PFT, funniest.

Ackerman, funniest.

All very funny shows.

Lovely business.

A funny show.

We're happy they're happy and well.

A funny show.

Unlike our show, one funny person.

I think you can guess who it is.

It's the person in the center, not the host.

She hasn't been...

She's the person who Wayne Brady publicly identified as the funniest one in the room.

The one who didn't call him a minion to his face.

The one who hasn't said a word yet is regretting being on the podcast.

Hi, Doughboys crew.

I'm not sure if this has been brought to your attention, but on August 1st of 2024, the Pretzel gang over on Threedom started a feud with you.

I wish you the best of luck in this rivalry.

You might need it because it sounds like Paul is taking it very seriously, Brad.

Thank you, Brad.

Thank you, Brad.

So wait, if it's a rivalry, what should we say?

Fuck you, Threedomy.

That's what I was saying earlier.

That's why you said you were being super nice to them.

No, I thought they were trying to start a feud.

All right, well, fuck you.

Fuck, fuck off.

Fuck off.

Yeah, fuck off.

Fuck off.

Threedom.

Threed him.

More like a...

I don't know.

Threedom.

Three smart.

Threedom, more like a...

Yeah, that's good.

More like 3-smart.

Wayne Brady's still here?

No, he's...

Okay, he left.

He left immediately, and it looked like there were tears coming down his face as he was walking out of the room.

Drops at birdfuck to come.

Should I introduce our guest?

100%

long enough.

From Ghost's Happiest Season and the new film, Night Bitch, Mary Holland is back.

Hi, Mary.

Thanks so much for being here.

Hi, I'm so happy to be here.

I'm thrilled.

I missed you boy.

It's been too long.

I was looking at the date.

Has it really been, have we not had you on since everything locked down?

So it feels like it's been some time.

Yeah.

I feel like the last time I was on was when we did a live San Diego.

Oh my God.

And we covered Rubio's

Coastal Grill.

Yes.

Wow.

Yeah.

That's the last time.

That's the last time.

Holy shit.

Yeah.

And I guess I came on here because I just want to know, like,

what happened?

Are you going to be here?

What did I do?

What did I say?

What did I?

Do you regret coming on here now that you've been here for the first 15 minutes of the show?

And well, I will say,

yeah.

No, not at all.

I couldn't be, I couldn't be more thrilled to be here.

I got one.

Three to more like Petum.

You smell like piss, all three of you.

Pretty good.

I thought that was pretty fucking good.

I liked it.

That was pretty fucking good.

Petum.

Peeed him.

Yeah.

Fuck.

I thought it was pretty good.

I mean, this guy's not.

Threed him more like P Smart.

Oh, God damn it.

This is one of those days where there's something wrong with you.

There's days when I'll come in and I'll be like, oh, there is something wrong with you.

You have a jaw issue right now.

I do have a jaw issue.

Yeah.

This is the thing.

And look,

as you get older, a thing you find yourself running into is you have something wrong with your body and you go to see a medical professional and their response is like, man, that sucks.

It's like you like like there's been

my last year, baby.

People just can't help you anymore.

And you're just, you're just kind of on your own.

Yeah, and they're just like, could be anything.

Yeah.

At this point.

exactly so i've got this my jaw like on my right side and i think this was bothering me on a recent episode i remember this main feeder patreon where i was dealing with this but like my jaw will just like kind of pop out of its socket and this happens mostly it used to just happen in the morning like first thing in the morning when i would be like grinding my teeth at night i have a night guard uh but you know still it would it would happen Now it happens a lot when I'm like chewing like anything.

So it's just kind of like a chronic thing and it's it's it's pretty painful.

But, you know, I don't think that's the reason I'm particularly disoriented today.

I was saying, well, I was saying that you should get a Hannibal Lecter mask, which didn't really make any sense.

But if you have a night guard, I hope it is Hannibal Lecter-coated.

It would be cool if it was Hannibal Electra-coated.

Um,

you know what?

My issue with the doctor, I go to the doctor, I'm like, oh, I got this, like, my knee hurts, or my back hurts.

He goes, Here you go, here's some Ozempic.

I don't need a Ozempic.

Help, I take it down, though.

How, how, how, how?

You just eat it.

I eat it.

Yeah, it's a shot, shot, right?

Yeah.

I think it is.

I'm like Bane.

I'm like Bane with Ozempig.

I'm going to.

Now that would be a night guard that was Bane-coated.

Very cool.

I might just...

How did you do that?

My cravings are going away.

Yeah,

yeah, yeah.

I feel like mine was close.

Ocean that noise.

No, yours is honestly better, of course.

We did Ask Cat together the other night.

Yes.

And Jason Kelsey was the

monologist.

Podcaster, Jason Kelsey.

Podcaster Jason Kelsey.

That's how Gabris

introed him.

Very fun.

Very nice man.

Another podcaster.

How about that?

A few more listeners, I think, than us.

Yeah, maybe a few more.

Yeah.

Very charming man.

Very charming guy.

Yeah.

And very sweet.

The stories he told, Mimi, I was like, wow, he says, what a sweet man.

Very sweet man.

Talk about loving corn on the cob and going to the state fair with his family and just wanting cotton candy.

Yeah.

Yeah, very sweet.

It was beautiful, which I could relate to, honestly.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Our stories are on the Dough Boys podcast are always about like jacking off in a public men's room.

Stories are fucking awful.

Yeah.

Nothing wholesome about what we do.

Yeah.

There's some blue.

And to be fair, you were jacking off to cotton candy.

Yeah, that's true.

It is true.

Brought that up on my phone.

You got a picture of cotton candy on your phone.

Damn, that looks good.

There's something, if there was a scary movie, a Bane

with like Ozempic going through his things would be pretty good.

Yeah, that, like, if they mean like a scary movie in terms of the scary movie spoof genre.

No, I think because you said scary movie, people thought you meant horror.

Oh, sorry.

They didn't realize you meant like scary movies, sorry, scary movie.

Slash epic movie, slash, you know, a spoof.

Sorry, sorry, sorry.

If there was a scary movie, and he just keeps getting tinier and tinier.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

And you you could be mean and make it someone who's taken Ozempic or something.

Right.

That's me.

Yeah, you could be mean for sure.

You could 100% be mean, but we won't be mean.

We're not going to say it.

No, we're not going to do it.

But you could be.

You could be.

Well, you could be.

You could be.

You always can be.

Yeah, yeah.

But do you choose to be?

No, we're not going to choose that.

We're going to choose to be.

We're going to take the higher ground.

We're not going to do it.

Shout out to Freedom.

Threedom.

I'm going to be on that show.

Wow.

That's nice.

Yeah, I'm going to be on that show someday.

They they have like made it a point with their fans and their followers that everyone's like i'll never be on the show but i'm actually i will be on it oh that's so nice that nice so anyway shout out to the pedum crew so form

thank you love them thank you for making that work i think it will work eventually um

happy

holly jolly holidays holly jolly holidays you know you you have a a christmas film uh that you acted in and co-wrote happiest season are you does that come from a place of enthusiasm for the merriest time of the year?

And is it the happiest season?

Is it really the happiest season?

Is this season the happiest season?

Yes.

I mean, I haven't experienced it.

You're dodging the question.

No, no, no.

Hold on, hold on.

I mean, I have experienced it as being Mike Wallace on 60 Minutes?

Yeah, 100%.

Nail our guest.

It's fine.

I'm fucking nailing.

I'm nailing our guests.

Stop yelling at me, Mitch.

God.

You've been screaming at me since I sat down.

I have experienced it as being the happiest season of my year.

But I do find that, you know, it changes what season is the happiest.

Sometimes summer is the happiest.

And sometimes Halloween's the happiest.

Fall is

the happiest.

Never spring.

I kind of like spring.

Huh?

I kind of like spring.

Oh, yeah.

You would.

What's wrong with spring?

Well, spring, no, nothing wrong with spring, but it does make me think of sludge.

Sludge.

No, thank you.

I don't want sludge.

It's it's the snow is melted.

Meanwhile, I have the blue sludge lover over here.

Sludge lover.

Yeah.

I was looking at a picture of cotton candy making some sludge.

So I had a,

here's the thing.

I don't have a sludge association because

I am from, I've lived in Southern California my entire life.

I don't experience snowfall.

So like I don't think of sludge.

What I think of is like, oh, it's the days are long, then the days are longer.

We can, you know, like, like, the, it doesn't get dark as early.

And you know what?

The end of the school year is coming.

Summer's coming.

Exactly.

Yeah.

Yeah.

It's like, it's actually the weather is usually idyllic.

He actually, honestly, I maybe like the summertime at least here in sunny California.

It gets too hot.

I love summer.

Wow.

Yeah.

Too hot.

Well, you're a California boy.

Again, yeah.

I'm a lifelong SoCal surfer.

Do you ever surf?

No.

You know what you don't get out here, though?

What?

You never get a white Christmas.

Have you ever gotten one?

There have been the occasional snowfall here, right?

Yeah, but we, I don't know, never not when I've been here.

It's never been like snowing on Christmas.

I mean, my grandparents lived

on my dad's side.

My grandparents lived in the mountains.

And, you know, there is, there is every biome in California is one of the things that's great about the state.

So, you know, we could go up there and there'd be snowfall, but not where we live.

Yeah.

I got something here.

I'm dreaming of a white white Elvis.

That's really good.

The Colonel.

Colonel Tom, I'm dreaming of a white.

You know, he's wide.

I thought that was gold.

I liked it.

Yeah.

Yeah, I loved it.

Yeah.

I loved it.

That was so good.

I love that.

Did you see the Elvis movie?

I did, actually.

I did.

He's really liked it.

That's what that's what.

He is that Austin Butler or something else.

Oh, my goodness.

Yeah.

We should cut that and do it in our live show.

White Christmas, quiet Christmas.

Quiet Christmas?

I mean, we got nothing else.

It's nothing else for your live show.

We got nothing else so far.

What do you want?

The guest is saucer.

Yeah, I was going to say, we'll be fine.

Our guest is saucer.

Oh, good boy.

Okay, time to go over what happened to theater.

Time to go over.

That's what's.

I mean,

think that it, I think this will be a home run.

But look,

we'll see what happens.

Why,

what did I say about your grandpa earlier?

You gave information about your grandpa.

He, he, oh, well, this is, this is my other grandpa.

Oh, my.

Yes, my maternal grandfather worked at a JPL, installed their first computer

way back in the days when it was a huge room-sized thing.

Jet propulsion laboratory.

That's right.

And what did I say?

I forgot what I said.

I thought you said it's good to know that you're descended from early nerds.

That's what I was.

Thank you, Mary.

Yeah,

that was good.

Thank you.

It is good to know you're descended from early nerds.

That's cool.

That's cool.

That is cool.

Also, we've gotten like, it's like the wagers have gotten dumber with each successive generation.

Oh, no.

Yeah.

Yeah.

If I had a kid, they'd be like fucking...

dumb as shit.

I probably get along with her kids so much more.

Bite that's dumb.

You know what I'm like?

Yeah, he is.

The idea of me.

You want to have a slice of cake?

The idea of me and your son just like...

He's got to use the Ozempic juice.

He's got to resist that slice of cake.

Just the idea of me and your son bullying you and possibly like shoving you around seems so much fun to me.

I think that we would.

I think we would push you.

So you're fantasizing about me having a child your child growing up so that you can team up with him when he's big enough to bully me your co-host so in my head i'm i'm fantasizing about being 60 years old yes and your son being 20 not having your own child no

this is great and he and i pushing you around

just pushing you in a circle just pushing you back and forth in a circle well yeah he's gonna be he's gonna be big boy

he'll complete that we can complete a circle together um

no it's better.

It's better for the world at the Doughboys.

There's no Doughboys Jr.

Yeah.

Which we would, it would just happen.

We'd have a little Nepo podcast.

We have a little Nepo babies.

A Doe Babe.

A Dough Baby.

We'll have a little Dough Babies.

Yeah, they'd hand over the podcast.

We'd make sure they were bad at it so that they could kind of continue that lineage, you know?

Yeah.

They can't be good.

Yeah.

No, I've thought about that.

I'm like, is every person, like every comedian I liked, am I going to have to like deal with like when I'm like 50 and 60, like deal with like their shittier, younger version?

You know what I mean, like their offspring.

Yes, probably, yeah, yeah, yeah, from what we've seen so far, from what lists,

yeah, okay, Night Bitch, I know this is a, I, you know, I loosely know the premise of this movie.

I want to, I haven't seen it yet as of this recording.

I, I'm, I'm very excited to see it.

Yeah, I, I, but I know there's, there's like a, like, a, a, a feral state, like, like, become, like becoming a dog is some, or some version of that is some element of it.

My question for you is, and for everyone, is have you ever eaten dog food or pet food more generally?

Because I have.

Anyone else?

No, I haven't.

I haven't.

And it's not,

I don't know.

Amelia, of course, and yes.

Amelia has it every day.

Loves to diet it.

Loves it.

But I open my mouth in shock, not that

I'm horrified or disgusted.

I'm not.

It's mostly I'm thinking, like, wow, Nick's eaten dog food, and I haven't.

What am I missing?

Why have I not done this?

Is mostly thinking.

Yeah, why haven't you done it?

Why haven't you eaten dog food, you freak?

No one eats dog food.

Well, but dog food is human food.

It's just, I mean, it's like safe.

I think that's mostly safe for human consumption.

Did you have like, have you ever, you've ever tasted like Wally Norma's cat food or anything?

No, I'm not going to open up a can of nine lives and eat.

I mean, like...

Do they have wet food?

They have, I give them wet food and dry food.

Okay.

I'd be so much.

I'd love to be wet food or dry food.

This is my first time.

So I had a dog bone.

Okay.

And it was basically like a stale,

like no-sugar cookie, basically.

Like, it was just like, it just tasted like a, like a really crispy cookie.

Hold on.

I think I probably have big dog bone.

So like, like a like a biscuit.

Gotta, gotta, gotta, gotta, gotta.

I didn't eat like a spoon of like dog food.

didn't you try a greenie during the do-a-thon we maybe

did you or you did i maybe ate a greenie yeah what was it like i thought i was not good none of them are good i like the and like a dry i thought you were talking about wet dog food and that like made me i was thinking of kibble oh okay okay yeah no wait wait amelia what did you eat um i've tried cat dry food and goldfish food what's goldfish food it's the little flakes and

that is gnarly don't those that's they kind of they kind of slap i'm not gonna lie yeah they smell they smell good i remember smelling fish food and being like, it's like salt.

Well, but here's the thing.

This is all human food.

Like, humans eat all this food.

That's true.

Goldfish flakes kind of slap, is what she said.

Goldfish food kind of slaps.

That is not true.

Have you tried it?

No, but I will eat it at some point if we're going to eat it.

I'll eat it.

I'll eat it.

You got dry cat food?

Yes, I've tried dry cat food when I was when I was little.

I haven't tried it lately.

Yeah, mine was when I was younger.

Yeah, I used to eat it a lot, and my mom would catch me.

This is when I'm like two or three.

I'm not

always away from dog food bowls.

Do you have a memory taste of like, do you have a taste memory of that cat food at all?

Yes, just because I smell it on a daily basis, and so I can't remember what it's like.

But

it salty.

Torturous every day you feed your cat, basically.

That's horrible.

Have you been tempted to dip back in?

I'm hungry.

Just salty is what is the first thing that comes to mind.

Interesting.

My child eats from the dog food bowl.

That's the way it's going to be from there on out.

That's what I'll tell them.

That's how you eat from here on out.

You're getting treated like a dog.

You have it once you're going to eat off the floor.

Yeah, that's it from here on out.

Shit, you got to go outside.

Pick it up with a plastic bag.

I'm going to fucking walk you.

Actually an animal.

I'll treat you like an animal.

I did try to walk my cat once.

That is not.

That's never fun.

That's not.

They don't want that.

They don't like that at all.

That's what I learned.

Yeah.

No.

Have you tried that?

I've tried that.

Yeah, because I got them little vests for when I traveled.

You got to put the vests on.

When I traveled.

You're the cutest.

During COVID,

I brought them back to Massachusetts.

Oh, yeah.

And it was, I've told this story before, but we got in my Uncle Jim's car on the way back.

And he was like, you want to put them in the back?

And I was like, no, they're fine.

And then on my street, Wally took a shit in the carrier.

And it was like, it was like, oh, like, you could smell it.

And I throw down the windows.

I'm like, I'm sorry.

This like never happened.

So I had to take them into a baby changing room.

And it was very funny because they like, I opened the thing and they like got out and they were walking around the baby changing room, which was disgusting, but it was very funny.

I will never travel with them again unless I move back to Massachusetts for good, which could happen.

Yeah.

Might happen.

Who knows?

Yeah, why not?

We don't even got to be out here anymore, right?

I mean, like, do actors have to be in California anymore?

It doesn't seem like anything shoots out here.

Nothing shoots out here anymore.

That's the other thing.

Yeah.

I don't think it matters.

So maybe I'll go back there at some point.

We'll see.

We'll see.

I like it.

Then you'd miss, yeah, you'd miss all the action over here at Headgum Studios.

I guess that means that.

He's got celebs come in and out.

It would be so much easier to tell Wayne Bray he looks like a minion from my basement in Quincy.

But I'm a man of my word, and I said it.

Oh, man.

A very funny man.

I don't think you have anything to worry about there.

I think we're.

I don't have anything to worry about.

I was just like disoriented.

Yeah.

Yeah.

An unexpected occurrence.

How could I not come into that?

I guess I would probably have to come and travel to do Doughboys episodes, huh?

I mean, if you wanted, if you wanted to, but then that wouldn't mean that you keep, you keep like Doughboys is

international.

That's kind of not based in any one specific place.

That's kind of cool.

yeah.

We're like Pit Bull at this point.

Yeah, and I say that all the time.

The Doughboys are like Pit Bull constantly.

Do you say the Blood Boys are like Pit Bulls, or do you say?

They're just Pit Bull.

Oh, the artists.

All right, thank you.

Yeah, the artists.

Or like Mr.

Worldwide Ass.

Wages.

Okay, we ask you about Long John Silvers every time you're on.

That was the first episode we did.

It's been long enough where I just want to get a baseline.

Have you been to Long John Silvers at all recently?

Because they seem to have all shuttered or in the the Southland.

Did they?

Yeah, I have.

I think even the Cardino one isn't hanging on anymore.

Oh, that's devastating.

Yeah.

So it's been a while since you, your last Long John Silver.

Yeah, yeah.

You still have affection for this show.

Oh, of course.

We'll always have affection.

It's pirate-themed.

It's, you know.

Okay, that brings me to my next question because you worked at Medieval Times and we've reviewed Medieval Times with you and your husband.

Yes, we did.

And that was a lot of fun.

That was a blast.

That was so fun.

We went next door for a different episode to review pirates dinner adventure which is the competing chain with a similar concept and i i imagine you haven't been i haven't been

medieval times food pretty good like pretty like satisfying like you know gets the job done pirate dinner adventure i think was one of the worst meals we've ever had on the podcast the show was great and we had one of the performers on the show that the show was very very entertaining but the food itself was excellent what did they serve boy they served just like a bunch of like it it was like bad like 90s airplane food.

Like when you get a dinner on an airplane, it was like all stuff that felt like it was microwaved, like just like really clearly, you know, flash-frozen vegetables that were reheated.

Yeah, I could get a rundown of the menu items, but it was fucking awful.

You remember that menu, right, Mitch?

Yeah, horrible.

It was awful food.

What a bummer.

You'd think it would be like, you know, a bottle of rum or something.

Yeah, sure.

Sure, yeah.

Fun stuff, but

nothing fun.

Yeah.

No fun.

Yeah, there was nothing fun.

It was sad.

We had our friend Jeff Butner who was on the show.

Yeah, Jeff Budner.

Jeff was

an actor, but he also was a performer.

He has a number of credits, but he's also a performer in Pirates Dinner.

And they do a lot of stunts.

They do a lot of stunts.

And that's what's really impressive about it.

But Medieval Times is the same sort of thing.

The show is really an exhibition.

Yes, it is.

But it is more, it's less like, I imagine that the Pirate Show is very acrobatic, and Medieval Times is much more jousting.

I think that is fair.

Yeah, I think they leaned into the swashbuckling a little bit more.

Doughboys can be pretty, Doughboys can do some of that too.

You punched

at me

in

the face.

And I, why was I the first punch that you delivered?

Instead of preparing me in some way by gesturing that way, your first punch was at my face, man.

Yeah.

See, that's much less.

I just can't believe you did that.

Go after me, maybe?

You're too far away.

You're guest.

Our guest.

I'm your guest.

I'm the one you have like a rivalry.

I thought that you could.

And you also, you got so excited.

You're leaning so far forward.

So excited to hit me.

I'm not excited to hit you.

I would never hit you.

Also, you were doing.

All I know is you came this close to hitting me.

I would never hit you.

I saw your knuckles.

It was a straight-up knuckle sandwich that you tried to fill.

I would never give you a knuckle sandwich.

Never, ever, ever.

I just got off filming Twisted Metal.

I've done some stunts on that.

No.

I did stunts on Twisted Metal.

I would never.

And you have to make your own sounds.

None of this is like pirate-like stuff.

What are you doing?

Classic pirate.

That was insane.

That was honestly

insane.

Yeah.

It was insane.

Let's talk.

I'm sorry.

Have you been back to medieval times?

I haven't.

I haven't.

Because they've changed the story a number of times.

No, and they have a queen.

They have a queen now.

Yeah.

That rules.

That's so good.

Mitch.

Mitch.

Mitch.

100% of the queen of my life.

I'm so, the reason I sigh is that I,

what I wouldn't, what I, what I would do to be the queen in medieval times.

Now, I apologize if I get your title wrong, but I believe your role, you were a photography wench.

So was that the designation?

Oh, you nailed it.

Yeah, yeah.

You're a photography wench.

So you were not like a part of the show.

And when I'd heard you worked at Medieval Times, you're such an, as Wayne Brady said, an incredibly talented person.

I assumed you were part of the production.

I would have loved that.

And in fact, there was a moment.

So I was so obsessed with Medieval Times, I just, I can't remember if I talked about it on the show, but I wanted to work there as a performer so badly, but the only job opening was Photography Winch.

And then I remember the Lord Chancellor, who is the, was, who, you know, is sort of MCs the show.

He's extraordinary.

And he is also in charge of casting for the show.

And I remember he came up to, we're at like a photo stand after the show where people can go and buy their pictures if they didn't buy it during the show.

And he came up to a woman who works with me who was not an actress.

And he came up to her and said,

do you have any any interest in playing the princess and the show?

And I

shit my pants.

Um,

no, I didn't play it.

Did you have to do any stunts for that role?

Mitch.

Mitch, I never played it.

That's it.

That's the point of the story: is that I never got the chance to play the princess.

Oh, no.

So, no, I didn't do any stunts.

If you were going to do some stunts, like, what do you think you'd do?

i'm really yeah she's just saying right now mitch punch mary in this thing mitch doing stunts you did stunts he he he hit mary in the face i didn't hit mary in the face

yeah you can't just call it a stunt and be okay with it i did not slap i'm i did not slap you no no you didn't If you'd slapped anyone, you'd be banned for 10 years from the Dough Boys podcast.

Wow, you have the Will Smith rules?

That's the Will Smith rules artifact for the Dough Boys podcast, just so so you know.

Standing policy.

But after 10 years, after 10 years,

he's back.

All right, let's talk.

Bring up Will Smith's wife.

I won't slap you.

If you bring up Jada Pickett Smith, I'll slap the shit out of you.

That's a promise.

You just brought her up.

Slap yourself.

Oh, God.

What did she do now?

Why did you do that?

Why did you do that?

That's worse than me doing the stunt on you.

Is it?

What is happening?

Let's talk about it.

I'm trying to wake you up, fool.

I'm doing, what are you talking about?

You're trying to wake me up.

You're doing me a service?

Yeah.

You freak.

You got thrown off with the Wayne Brady thing.

You're out of your mind.

I think you got thrown off by the Wayne Brady.

Yeah.

I was unhinged.

Oh, that's insane.

You're being insane.

I slap myself.

I'm being unhinged.

Yeah, you are.

Mary told me to slap myself.

I listened to the guests.

This is crazy.

I can't believe I'm getting pulled into the middle of this.

This is really.

Can I say this about the holiday season?

For God's sake.

It's the holiday season.

Can I say this about Will Smith's wife, Jada Pigett Smith?

Great in the Matrix sequels.

Okay.

Oh, great.

All right.

I'll allow that.

Is that acceptable?

That's acceptable.

No one's getting slapped.

I've only seen the one Matrix.

Just don't say any sequels you think she might be good in.

Huh?

Oh, you're referencing that the actual joke was about G.I.

Joe.

G.I.

Jane.

G.I.

Jane 2.

Sorry, Ryan.

I forgot what the joke was.

You forgot what the joke was?

The weirdest moment in all of entertainment history?

I didn't see it live.

You didn't see it live?

I was playing video games.

You dork.

What the fuck's wrong?

I was playing video games, and Ali came in and said, well, I know

you don't care about Will Smith just slapped Chris Rock.

I was like, that's crazy.

I found out the same way when Princess Diego.

Also, here's your son.

You fucking baby who my adult husband who's playing video games is I'm watching the Oscars alone.

When I was playing

when Princess Dai died, I was playing Mite and Magic, Dark Side of Zine on my dad's computer, and my dad came in and said,

I know you don't care, but Princess Dai just died.

They both happened in the same way.

Jesus Christ.

I would love to see every event through your dork eyes.

The towers are falling.

You're playing fucking Smash Brothers melee.

There's a global pandemic.

She's playing all through it.

uh okay let's talk about breakfast i was down cape cod when miss princess die died i remember that wow one of my last visits to the to the cape

we had a little uh a cape house we split a cape house with my godparents family a cape house is that what it's called yeah a cottage or something yeah yeah cape house cape house yeah cape house cottage yeah not i've looked it was a fucking dracula castle a cape house

no that um speaking of night bitches or a magician's a magician's lair were you staying at a magician's magician's lair, Matthew?

I was not staying at a magician's lair.

It was a little cottage down

Cape Cod.

Yeah.

You know what?

Sandwich, Massachusetts.

Oh, that's right.

We've talked about Sandwich, Massachusetts.

Yeah.

Named for the Earl of the Pod Sandwich.

Or named for the Earl.

Why is it?

Why?

Why is it named Sandwich?

What's the etymology of Sandwich for Sandwich?

I think it is probably something like it's probably someone could, someone needs to figure this out.

My guess is that it's probably like the Duke of Sandwich or some shit.

But I don't know.

I should know the answer to that.

Yeah.

Well, anyway.

It says it's named after Sandwich, a seaport town in Kent, England, because the marshes in the area reminded the founders of the English town.

That's

Sam Brown

is from Sandwich.

Is it a very marshy area?

There are for sure marshes.

There are definitely some marshes.

What's the difference between a marsh and a swamp and a bog?

Great question.

That is a great question.

No, cranberries are in bogs.

Well, there's cranberry, there's specifically cranberry bogs.

You don't need to have cranberries in a bog.

Oh, it's just called a bog if you throw the cranberries in that bag.

But there are cranberry bogs.

Emma knows this too, in

the Cape where you can like go in ocean spray and you can go in and wade, play with the cranberries.

You can get that, you can put, you have boots on.

I did this as a child, and you go in and you can like pick up cranberries and eat them.

Sure, kid.

Aren't they?

No, kids don't piss.

Why are they?

It's almost 100% PNC.

No, why don't you piss in?

They don't piss in the bushes.

They're wearing those big rubber overalls, and they're filled with piss.

I'm not going to take you to the cranberry bogs.

It sounds like you're going to piss them off.

But aren't cranberries, aren't raw cranberries, quite tart.

They are very tart.

They're not like fun to eat, not like bee berries.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no.

Oh, God.

No, no, no, no, no, no.

And they're fibrous, as I recall.

They're fibrous.

Oh, you're going to shit yourself.

As soon as you eat one, it's a ticking clock-like.

So you got to get to the toilet fast.

Oh, yeah, because that'll turn it

ripper,

ripper wide open?

It will rip you wide open-wise.

You'll get ripped wide open, but

if you're peeing as well, that's going to feel like a million bucks because your UTI will be clear.

Yes, that's right.

That's a great point.

It is good for UTI.

I got to drink more cranberry juice.

My mom is always, my mom has a glass of cranberry juice every morning.

That's fun.

Do you ever do like, what's that drink that's got a, is it called a Cape Cod when you put a little vodka in it?

Yes.

Cape Cod or yeah.

Yeah.

Emma knows that.

Oh, no.

I'm thinking of something else.

That must be a big, is that a big order in New England?

Uh, yeah, I think it's basically just a vodka cranberry.

But if you call it, if you order Cape Cotter, that's the same thing.

It'd be funny if you tried to go to a bar like here and order a Cape Cotter.

I'd be curious if they'd be like,

no, you're saying Cape Cotter as opposed to Cape Cod.

Well, Cape Cod is the place that Cape Cotter is the cocktail.

I think Cape Cod.

I always call it Cape Cotter.

Yeah.

Oh,

I've only ever understood it to be Cape Cape Cod.

I'll have a Cape Cod, but Cape Cotter.

Maybe that's outside of, maybe it's, maybe we call it Cape Cod or maybe that's a New England thing.

I don't know.

Cape Cotter.

I hardly know her.

This is what Wayne Brady's talking about.

I liked it.

It was the best.

It was the best thing said on the podcast so far.

I don't mind when things are too tart.

I like things tart.

Yeah, I like what.

Oh, I love things tart.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

You know what my favorite tart is, Carl?

I knew you were going to say it.

And you know what?

I liked it.

Thank you for watching.

You know what else?

I agree.

Carl, you're my favorite tart.

Oh, wait.

I also do like actual tarts, but I like Carl more than

I do like Carl more than the, I like Carl more than the little, you know, thinking about it, though.

It's pretty close.

We love Carl, but.

Your friend or a dessert?

I choose my friend.

That's very noble of you.

Wise, we got to get you down there.

We got to get you to the, we got to get you to Cape Cod.

I'm down.

I'll go go to the cod you gotta go go i've never been but you gotta go i call dracula a night bitch is that too harsh do you think

i said speaking of night bitches dracula yeah yeah yeah well yeah he's definitely he's he's he's he's a bit of a night bitch yeah here's what i think he i think dracula's enough of a night bitch that he'd be like i am a night yeah

yeah yeah

what do you think what do you think dracula's christmas is like uh great question i mean he definitely had does it up with the lights because he's out and about at night night.

He's for sure seen Santa because he's he's up.

He's definitely seen Santa.

Oh my god, if Dracula bit Santa, this is that would be terrible.

Mitch, you got a Christmas movie of your own.

This is fucking good as hell.

Yes.

If Dracula bits Santa, Dracula bit Santa, and it and it's called

Santa Blue

and it's called

and it's called

Saint

Fang Fang

Saint Fang

St.

Fankylis.

I think St.

Fankylis works.

Do you?

St.

Fankylis.

Well, I guess we're pitching it.

Saint Fangsalis.

You know, there's going to be a lot of action.

He reared back.

That was really scary.

See, you just got to give it back.

Try it on Nick.

No, that's okay.

You try it on me.

I will fucking

see what happens.

Try it on me.

See what happens.

I'll do it.

I'd like to see you try.

I'll do it at some point.

Okay.

I bet you will.

At some point.

I want to hope you do.

All right.

Go ahead.

Move on.

I want to ask about breakfast because this is I hop a breakfast chain.

Now, are you a breakfast person?

Like, like, like, is this like are you like like first off do you eat breakfast because I do right I don't usually I don't skip breakfast I skip it or I'll have a banana okay or something I'm usually not super hungry yeah

I wake up and I'm starving yeah I'm like immediately like so hungry like I need to get food in my body like within my first hour of waking or I'm just a zombie but like I know people that have different metabolisms you're starving when you wake up so hungry when I'm waking up yeah are you a very active dreamer do you in your dreams, are you very, are you doing a lot?

Like, is your heart, is your heart pitter-pattering?

I do have panic attacks in my sleep at times.

Oh, yeah, but I don't have, but I don't often don't remember my dreams.

Like, there are times when I do, and I remember like having really vivid dreams, but a lot of times I just, I've, I just, I just time travel the next day.

Yeah, yeah.

Yeah.

I don't know what's going on.

In your dreams, is it like your, your dad and your spouse telling you news and you're playing video games?

My dreams, it's usually like a teenager is just like uh you know they're hanging out like you know if they they're someone who likes like my dreams are usually a teenager teenager okay there teenager's like hanging out and then like i kind of come into their dream oh you know oh my god scare them a bunch that's pretty good yeah yeah that's cool oh

the jaw

jaw

ah rough stuff So you don't, you don't typically eat breakfast, but do you like like a brunchy sort of breakfast?

Do you like like a nice spread, like some eggs, some bacon, some toast, all that shit?

I love it.

Yeah, yeah.

I, I, you know, I don't want it every day.

Yeah.

Say that.

Um, I'm also not too much of an egg person.

Oh, interesting.

Somehow, they make me feel so full so fast that I almost feel sick from them.

Interesting.

And not, not, not all eggs, only, only eggs prepared in certain ways.

Like, I love overeaty eggs.

Somehow to me, that's less egg, even though it's, you could argue, it's more egg because the yolk is raw.

But scrambled eggs.

You're not not a scrambled egg person.

Oh, you like them.

Oh, I'll eat them.

Yeah.

But if I had my choice, it would be overeat eggs because somehow I can have more of that.

One thing I will say about the thing that you, the nice thing about an overeasy egg is you know someone out there in the, in the kitchen, especially if you're at a place that's like, like if you're in like a hotel restaurant or something, maybe like not a nice hotel, you know someone has to actually crack an egg.

Yeah.

Because like that's slant, that scrambled eggs.

Exactly.

It could be cold, to be coming from a carton or something, you know?

So I do like that aspect, but it just depends on what type of joint you're at.

I'm an eggs Benny man.

I like eggs Benedict.

Yeah, those are fun.

Those are fun.

I usually like I default to scrambled or like an omelette, but I do like eggs a lot.

I have a lot of eggs.

Omelette.

I was going to point that out too.

Yeah, omelette.

Omelette.

Omelette.

I say omelette.

I say omelette.

Omelette.

Omelette.

Omelette.

Omelette.

Omelet.

Omelette.

So it's two syllables.

Omelette.

Omelette.

I say omelette.

Omelette.

You say omelette.

I sometimes say omelette.

But I like that because it sounds more French.

Omelette.

You might be right.

I don't know.

I don't know.

It sounds like a name.

Yeah,

gorgeous.

Yeah.

This is my daughter omelette.

Yeah, that is cute.

Omelette.

A dog named omelette once.

That's really cute.

That's a great name for a dog.

I think the linguistics is descriptive, not prescriptive.

So, you know, there's different ways to say things.

They're all valid.

But I don't know.

I sometimes say omelette.

Sometimes I say omelette.

I think it's natural.

I was going to say that omelets, you can mess.

Like a bad omelette is such a bummer to me.

Yeah.

When it's just like a folded...

You know, know it's just like oh you just folded it but there's like it's rubbing the eye there's nothing in the middle it's like a dry it's scrambled eggs but folded over when you get that with an omelette like the omelette has to be like yeah there's cheese and things inside of it that were cooked into the omelette here's the key you gotta you gotta cook that bad boy on a low temp like because then it fluffs up and then you see you cook it on a low temp takes a little longer you get that nice like fluffy texture on it you know you're not gonna burn one side um yeah you have your pan uh you know throw some clarified butter or something in there so you can get a good flip on that some bitch.

And then when you flip it over, yeah, throw whatever the fuck you want in there.

You know, throw it, throw whatever proteins you want in there.

Your car keys, your car keys, why not?

Throw your

cap.

Your Rubik's car keys.

Because then you're like, you, you like go into the omelette and you're like, oh yeah, I need these for you.

Yeah, I need these for later.

I need to use these for later.

Yeah, then you won't forget them.

You won't forget them.

There's like things, there are things you can put in that will remind you that you need them later.

So

you can squeeze in some toothpaste and you know how to brush your teeth afterwards.

So nice.

I love that trick.

Real time saving.

Infusing toothpaste into your breakfast is always helpful.

If you don't want to, you want to skip the step of brush.

Exactly.

Can I say something very gross?

Please.

What's that?

I did use to, instead of brush my teeth, I did used to just swallow toothpaste.

Wow.

And I would

swallow toothpaste.

And I remember going to school thinking,

oh, I feel sick.

And then I later realized, oh, we're not supposed to eat the toothpaste.

For a long time, I thought you brush your teeth and you eat the toothpaste wait did we when you say far off case he is spitting with all that fluoride

he's a big listener of the show too yeah yeah he loves the show you would you would so wait and you're you mean instant instead of spitting you would swallow or would you just not even like brush your teeth you would just go straight to eating toothpaste in high there were moments in high school when i would i was running late for class and i would just swallow the toothpaste.

Wow.

You just like squeezed some into your mouth and then swallow it.

Yeah.

But when I was a kid i would brush my teeth and then swallow the tooth because i was like it was minty it tastes good wow pretty gross and it yeah i you know and i do have permanent stomach ulcers from it but oh no no i don't i don't i don't but i could because i believed you very acidic it's like it's like basically i don't know what's in toothpaste but it's something it's something you know it can de-scale your pipes or whatever.

Oh, 100%.

Yeah.

It's like got real like baking soda or something.

I would sometimes put toothpaste on.

Don't swallow it.

No.

I would sometimes put toothpaste on it on a pimple.

Do you know this?

Yes, I've done that.

Yeah, yeah.

Dry it up.

It dries it out.

Yeah.

I like to think of our

some of our dip shit listeners hearing this.

You're not supposed to swallow toothpaste, hole.

Sucking on a tub of toothpaste.

I mean, the bubblegum-flavored toothpaste.

Sometimes you want to swallow that bad boy.

Well, yeah, that's yeah, that's good.

I always did the old-fashioned way.

Why do you keep calling that that?

that?

Because I have to.

You have to?

I have to now.

Are you a coffee fan?

Are you a coffee drinker?

I do like coffee.

You got to have your Java.

Yeah.

I drink coffee every morning.

I do the French press these days.

But like, how do you take your coffee?

Well, my husband is a former barista.

I didn't know that.

I didn't know that either.

Yes.

Thank you for your service.

Thank you, Matt.

Thank you for your service.

Thank you, Matt.

I never drank coffee until I started dating Matt.

And then he makes such a delicious cup of coffee that it started becoming part of my morning routine.

Wow.

And

yeah, so he makes,

we used to do pour over coffee every morning, but that's quite a process.

Yeah, it's a bit of an ordeal.

Bit of an ordeal.

But yeah, now we have a little machine, a tiny little machine that makes espresso.

Oh, wow.

Do you take it black?

Do you put any cream in there?

I put a little cream in there.

Okay.

That's fine.

Do you just do like, cause I've, I've found myself doing more and more, like, I'm just going to put straight up cream in this.

I was just doing oat milk for a while.

And now I'm like, I don't know.

I can handle a a little bit of dude.

I know, that's how I feel about it, too.

Uh, you an espresso in the morning guy, no, no, no, I do the French press, I don't do espresso in the morning.

I, if I do, like, if I need like an afternoon pick-me-up, and hey, maybe I'll maybe I'll do it today.

Judging by how this episode is going, I may need it, I may do, may do a little afternoon espresso.

We'll see.

Uh,

I remember, I just, I, I was trying to think of, I was trying to think of a joke.

I couldn't come up with it.

Are you a coffee drinker?

No, Mitch does not drink coffee.

Mitch is, you don't, you don't have a lot of caffeine in general.

No,

I do Diet Cokes.

I'll do a Diet Coke every day.

I'll do like one, sometimes two Diet Cooks.

Oh, yeah.

That'll give you some caffeine.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

That's.

Do they still make caffeine-free

soda?

I feel like that was the thing in the 90s.

They do, but it's harder to find.

Yeah.

But yeah, they do make caffeine-free varietals of most sodas.

Yeah.

French breast for me is

Was that the joke you spent so long trying to think of?

You took away my

stunt stuff.

I took it away.

I didn't want to be hit in the face.

Hey, buddy, everybody knows there are things they can do to reduce monthly costs and improve their finances.

But who has time to go through all of their expenses and decide what to trim?

With Rocket Money crunching the numbers for you, leveling up your money game gets way easier.

Rocket Money is a personal finance app that helps find and cancel your unwanted subscriptions, monitors your spending, and helps lower your bills so you can grow your savings.

Rocket Money shows you all your expenses in one place, including subscriptions you forgot about.

If you see a subscription you no longer want, Rocket Money will help you cancel it.

Their dashboard lays out your total financial picture, including bill due dates and pay dates, in a way that's easy to digest.

You can even automatically create custom budgets based on your past spending.

Rocket Money will even try to negotiate lower bills for you.

The app automatically scans your bills to find opportunities to save and then goes to work to get you better deals.

Even talk to customer service so you don't have to.

Rocket Money's 5 million members have saved a total of $500 million in canceled subscriptions.

Wow.

With members saving up to $740 a year when they use all of the app's premium features.

Wow.

Cancel your unwanted subscriptions and reach your financial goals faster with Rocket Money.

Go to rocketmoney.com slash Doughboys today.

That's rocketmoney.com slash Doughboys.

RocketMoney.com slash Doughboys.

Do it.

This show is brought to you by BetterHelp.

We turn to some funny places for support.

Not the Doughboys.

But not everyone is a therapist.

Not everyone is the one.

Find your right match with BetterHelp.

We've all done it before, Wags.

Turning to our barista, hairdresser, or random stranger in the bathroom for life advice.

I'm always doing that.

I'm always talking to random strangers in the bathroom.

It's true, Wags.

What's a hey, hey, my fellow urinal user?

Can I get some life advice?

Yes, same here, Wags.

Look, as fun as they are to talk with about everyday topics, when you're looking for help about relationships, anxiety, depression, or other clinical issues, they may not have all the right answers.

That's right.

The guy in the bathroom might not be the guy to talk to.

Instead, get guidance from a credentialed therapist online with better help.

Because, you know, I'm always there knocking on the adjacent adjacent stall door.

Be like, hey, man,

I'm having some trouble with my marriage.

Do you think you could weigh in on this thing?

Wise, you know who I go to for help when I'm having some problems?

Who's that?

Wally and Irma, my cats.

Oh, that's nice.

And I'm petting them, and they do give me comfort, but you know what?

It's a lot better to talk to a human being.

Yeah, I mean, you know, I have a new therapist I've been working with, been helping me with a lot of stuff that I'm dealing with right now.

And it's really helpful.

It's really, hey, it's therapeutic.

Thus the name.

Well, wise, BetterHelp has been helping people find their match for over 10 years and has a 4.9 rating out of 1.7 million client session reviews.

BetterHelp therapists work according to a strict code of conduct and are fully licensed in the U.S.

And BetterHelp does the initial matching work for you so you can focus on your therapy goals.

A short questionnaire helps identify your needs and preferences and their 10 plus years of experience in industry leading match fulfillment rate means that they typically get it right the first time.

If you aren't happy with your match, switch to a different therapist at any time from their tailored recs.

Completely online and you can pause your subscription whenever you need to and switch therapists anytime at no extra cost.

With over 30,000 therapists, BetterHelp is the world's largest online therapy platform having served over 5 million people globally.

It's convenient too.

You can join a session with a therapist at the click of a button helping you fit therapy into your busy life.

Plus, switch therapists at any time.

As the largest online therapy provider in the world, BetterHelp can provide access to mental health professionals with a diverse variety of expertise.

Find the one with BetterHelp.

Our listeners get 10% off their first month at betterhelp.com/slash Doughboys.

That's betterhelph-E-L-P dot com/slash Doughboys.

All right, let's talk about the IHOP Indiana Jones menu/slash Xbox menu.

It's a really confusing promotion.

So, IHOP is owned, Mitch, and I don't know if you know this, but owned by the same parent corporation, Dine Brands Global, as last week's chain.

Dying Brands Global?

Dine Brands Global.

What did you say?

What a weird name for a comment.

It's like, oh, okay.

What did you think I said?

I thought you said Dying Brands Global.

No, Dine Dine.

Like you dine at a restaurant.

Dine Brands Global.

It's the same parent corporation as last week's chain, Applebee's, which we did with Nicole Beyer.

IHOP acquired Applebee's, and then there's a parent corporation that owns both corporations now, both companies.

Also owns Fuzzy's Taco Shop, which I've never heard of.

Sounds like a made-up business, right?

Sounds fake.

Yeah, but I guess it's in Texas.

What is We Man's?

Oh, Chronic Tacos.

Chronic Tacos, yeah.

I'm not sure if We Man has an affiliation with it anymore, but Chronic Tacos persists.

So this menu is specifically a tie-in for the timed exclusive Xbox game, Indiana Jones and the Great Circle.

You an Indiana Jones fan at all?

I love Indiana Jones.

What's your favorite movie of the series?

It would have to be the first one that I saw as a child, which was Temple of Doom.

Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, that was my favorite.

I feel like any of those first three are good candidates, but I just feel like Raiders of the Lost Ark is such a perfect film.

Yes.

But I have a lot of affection for Last Crusade because that was the first one I saw in the theater.

And so I just have a very strong association.

Hey, Indiana Jones.

Whip.

It's true.

Not doing any action stuff.

It's a whip there.

That's all.

He uses the whip.

The whip, the first man-made invention to break the sound barrier.

How about that?

That's what that sound is.

It's a sonic boom.

That's a sonic boom.

That's amazing.

Because it is always interesting when

you see the whip and you actually see it whip before you hear the sound because

of that.

Wow.

That's breaking the sound barrier.

Yeah.

That is so cool.

Really cool.

So before,

centuries before Chuck Yeager did it in his plane.

So this is the second IHOP video game-themed menu we've had this calendar year.

I'll just read the copy.

Ready for an epic breakfast adventure.

As Xbox gears up for the highly anticipated release of Indiana Jones and the Great Circle on December 9th, which will be, I believe, before this episode releases, we're teaming up with IHOP to serve up a breakfast spread fit for a legendary adventurer.

And what that breakfast spread is, is three different kinds of stacked French toast.

Now, here's the thing:

I'm fine with these themes being a little orthogonal from whatever the ip is but

isn't there a more natural connection to indiana jones than stacked french toast like what what the yeah what does that have any connection whatsoever to adventuring exactly exactly i know i thought the same thing when i was looking at that menu i was like why french toast yeah it's very confusing well you stacked because he stacks the weight on the thing Well, see, that could be one way to play it.

If they put any effort into that, we played this game

because because you were saying it was the circle of whatever.

Well, the game is, this is the thing.

And

this isn't just my observation.

What is circular among breakfast pancakes?

Exactly.

International House of Pancakes.

International House of Pancakes.

The game is called Indiana Jones and the Great Circle.

Why are these not pancake-themed?

Wouldn't that make a lot more great circles of pancakes?

Wouldn't that make a lot more intuitive themes?

He was yelling about this

IHOP basically.

I was hopping mad.

I hopping mad.

I was I hopping mad.

You were I hopping mad.

And 3dem, we hope you're eye hoppy and healthy.

The Great Circle of Cinnamon is one effort they make at theming, but that is stacked French toast.

There's also buried treasure with a bury for buried.

It's a B-E-R-R-Y apostrophe D treasure.

That's what I thought was clever.

And then Secret Cookie Butter.

That one they put no effort into.

Yeah, it was just like, I don't know what's the secret.

You notice when I'm going to say something stupid, and you're not even like, you won't even let me do it anymore.

No, go for it.

I want to hear you.

No, I'm not going to do it.

I want to hear it.

I was going to ask you, you know, the first Sonic Boom I heard.

This is from so long ago.

It was in Street Fighter.

Guil from Street Fighter.

Guil from Street Fighter, which no one knows.

Our guest doesn't know.

Our listeners know.

Guil used to go, Sonic Boom.

Sonic Boom.

He still does it.

He still does it.

Bitch, can you stop tapping the mic's arm?

You can tap the cat.

It's a rough episode.

I thought that I was.

I thought you were going to make a fart joke.

I didn't think that.

That's good, too.

That's good.

Like my dad, yeah, from your dad, you know, dad.

Is the first fart you hear your dad?

It's got to be.

No, I think the first fart I heard was my own, yeah.

Really?

That's a little baby?

What day does this come out?

The 12th.

December 12th.

December 12th.

The 12 days of Christmas.

Baby.

A baby fart is.

Baby farts are Christmas.

It is cute.

Yeah.

Stinky.

They're still stinky.

They can still smell bad.

bad they can still smell bad only when they started eating solid food yeah like a little time

i thought you were struggling earlier in this episode now i'm really you thought i was struggling earlier in the episode

what was that to say you were you said hoppy co-host i thought well i meant i meant it seemed like you were having one of your you it seemed like you were having a problem your jaw wasn't working

at all at all your jaw wasn't working way and brady clear you throw you threw you off and then

i now it's it's turned on me this is a mess i try to to do the stunts the stunts backfire i'm sorry

i'm sorry i'm sorry it's okay i'm sorry we'll edit it out no i love it keep it wait mary do you have any uh you're from the south correct yes do you have any fix affection for waffle house oh yeah yeah is it now where would you rank waffle house versus like an i hop because i've only been to waffle house when we've been on tour through the south but i'm like I think this is just better.

And I just like what they do a little bit more.

It feels like

their execution is really good.

And then I also just like how locked into their, to what they do they are.

I agree.

And I also, it feels more personal to me.

A Waffle House experience as opposed to IHOP.

It does feel very corporate.

Like it feels like I'm, okay, this is an IHOP.

It's like

this is a Walmart I'm walking into.

As opposed to Waffle House, it does still feel like country cooking.

Right.

Well, and also it comes from

smaller too.

That is a regional southern chain.

It thankfully has not made the decision that so many other regional chains have done these days in the era of franchising to be like, we're going to go global.

And now, you know, Dunkin' Donuts, for instance, is now everywhere where it used to be just kind of like an East Coast thing.

Sad.

But also

it's from the south and IHOP is from Glendale.

Like it was literally the first location.

Or I'm sorry in Burbank.

The first location is in Burbank.

I don't know that.

I feel like there's not that there isn't a breakfast culture out here, but I would expect them to do it proper down south.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

That said, I do have a lot of affection to IHOP.

I have affection for IOP.

I've been to IHOP a number of times.

The theming feels completely half-assed.

Also,

you really wanted to try these.

I did really want to try these.

We should say that.

I should say that our buddies Matt Singer and Griffin Newman, who went and tried the whole menu,

were giving me some

pre-meal feedback in terms of what to expect here.

So I was not coming in with particularly high expectations.

You and I met up at the Glendale location, Mitch.

We had a nice little lovely lunch together yesterday.

I had a little consultation with my neurologist right before I

came up there to meet you.

Did you?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Brain's looking good.

Should I be consulting

neurologists?

Is that something you need?

Like, is this like a year?

No, I had an issue.

I've had some issues.

Yeah.

I see.

So

you went in there today.

He's like, he's like, I'm going to take your brain.

Let me power up the microscope.

Well, I got this thing running.

Let me take a look at your hog.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Small brain, small dick.

Your hog.

That's what the doctor calls it.

Yeah, the doctor says, let me look at your hog.

That's what they say, you know.

Thank you.

Thank you, Mary.

I came in there.

Ran a little long, but I came over there.

You were sitting in there.

You had a nice little cup of coffee.

This is the thing.

I continue to love this about IHOP, the carafe of hot coffee.

They bring you the little mug that you can refill on your own at your leisure.

It stays piping hot.

I love that.

And it was a little late in the day for caffeine for me, but I still like, I got to do that hot coffee, especially when I'm having breakfast.

The Xbox menu, you thought was online, but we could order in store.

But it was, I would say, embarrassing bringing it up to our server.

So we brought it up to our server.

We were like, hey, do you have, because they had the little

They had the signage on the table and they had a QR code you could sign to open up the Xbox, the iHop app rather, to bring up the Xbox menu, but there was not like any sort of insert.

And so I was like, hey, do you have that menu in store?

And she was like, yeah, one second.

She went and got the insert and brought it over, which made me think either

it could be both, but either it's not selling well.

And so they don't feel the need to distribute these menus by default, at least at this location, or it's a huge pain in the ass for the kitchen to make the stacked French toast.

So they're like, we don't want to volunteer it unless a couple of fat fucks get in here and demand it.

So that's

which we did.

We also were asking, there was a big wheel in there that you could spin a wheel.

Oh, god, yeah, this was, and we were like, what's the wheel mean?

We were like, we were so annoying to them at the end of the meal.

We were honestly, we were more off yesterday.

We were off.

Yesterday's IOP lunch was a debacle.

We were more off yesterday.

Yeah.

Which is hard to imagine.

They were like, get the fuck out of here.

They wanted us going.

They really did not like us.

Because

we were asking.

Yeah, they had something basically a prize wheel.

And on the wheel, it had things like, you know, like

a free soft drink or, you know, 50% off your check, or, you know,

buy one, get one free pancakes, whatever the fuck it was.

I had just like a bunch of different things that you could win.

And it was just up there.

We're like, hey, what's going on with the prize wheel?

And I was like, the one was like, I don't know.

That was here when I got here.

And then she, I mean, the same thing with you, with any Xbox questions you had.

You asked her about the glasses.

You have the fusion frenzy glasses in store?

And she was like, no, no, we don't have.

They have a bunch of limited edition glasses with Xbox games on.

So no, you cannot get the Master Chief glasses.

Glasses or glasses?

Like a drinking glass.

A drinking glass, yeah.

She was not having it.

They weren't having it.

They had other stuff going on.

Order them from Octop online.

Yeah, you have to order them online.

That feels weird.

It would be nicer if it was available in store.

You have a souvenir for having your stores.

Exactly.

And hey, maybe if you take some kids there, you'd be like, hey, you want

your buddy, the Master Chief from the Halo franchise?

You want to get a glass with his face on it?

And you can bring that home for him.

But no, unfortunately, it was not to be.

But we did get all the French toast.

So, the stacked French toast we got with the Great Circle of Cinnamon.

I'm going to read all the copy here, and then, Amory, I want to get your thoughts as well because you also have this on your own.

The Great Circle of Cinnamon.

This treasure trove is layered with rich cinnamon spread and drizzled with a sweet cream cheese icing that will make you feel like you've uncovered an ancient culinary secret.

Buried treasure, B-E-R-R-Y apostrophe D treasure.

Gemstones of juicy glazed blackberries, raspberries, and blueberries, and a drizzle of rich cream cheese icing.

You can't help but want to take a bite of this buried treasure.

Secret cookie butter.

Creamy cookie butter and vanilla sauces topped with a dusting

crumbles, reminiscent of long-lost treasures found in faraway lands.

Here's the thing.

Do your jaw just pop?

It did, yeah.

I had pretty low expectations for this.

I was kind of primed to dislike this.

This Glendale, we wanted to go to this Glendale IHOP, Mitch, to control the experience because this Glendale IHOP is on point.

They always have great service there.

Like, and they always, they always execute everything well.

Do you disagree?

I think that's a really good idea.

I've done my Glendale test.

Yeah.

Every fast food restaurant is better in Glendale.

Really?

It is.

Drive into Glendale, get yourself, you're going to do great.

Or it works with Burbank a lot, too.

Wow.

Okay.

That's good to know.

And this, and this, this IHOP is is always it's never let us down san gabriel valley is has some good chain restaurant locations unless the food is like we've had like bad stuff that like would never be good but that's the whole thing we controlled for the experience of like we went to one that's going to execute these items as they're supposed to be and you know what i think they were all presented and you know what i can do execute they did i liked them all i like all three of these

we liked every one there was there were ones that we liked the cinnamon one i tried at first i was like that's pretty good and then it was maybe my least favorite one the cinnamon cinnamon one is is like akin to a Cinnabon I'm not sure I don't know which one you guys I didn't I didn't try the cinnamon one the cinnamon one is like it's akin to a cinnabon very strong cinnamon flavor I think the issue with all three of them is so that there's two pieces of thick French toast I mean super thick five inches yeah thick yeah like huge huge huge

huge

doc in his microscope that's five inches is huge five inches is huge and then they've got like they're the super thick French toast and then there's like a layer of the there's the cream cheese icing in between them kind of sandwich.

But all of the shit, like the toppings are just on top of the top one.

So I think what happens is if you eat the whole thing in totality, it ends up as being kind of a dry guy.

And I kind of had better bites when I just focused on the top

piece of bread and discarded the bottom one.

It's so interesting because I received mine as a to-go order.

And so I received, I did not experience the presentation, the plating that I think I would in-house.

So I sort of, and there were no instructions.

I just got two slabs of French toast stacked on top of each other, totally just plain French toast, aside of the berry sauce, a side of the cream cheese frosting, and a side of

a thicker substance that I think is another kind of frosting that goes on top.

But there was no instructions of like, put this in the middle, put the, you know, you kind of dip and go, which is what I did.

Yeah.

yeah you need a little bit of they need an insert or something

you gotta tell me how to experience it there's too much going on there yeah that's that's a bummer because it was all constructed for us it wild in a way and like wages was saying the second one was a dry guy yeah i think really well plated though i think that like they they really got the presentation on point there you know what

Look, there's the cinnamon challenge, you know, where you put cinnamon in your mouth or some shit.

Yeah, and you try to say the alphabet.

Is that what it is?

I don't know.

And there was no challenge taking down that cinnamon French toast, though, because it was delicious.

Isn't it that you'll hallucinate?

With cinnamon?

Yeah.

I think that's nutmeg.

You can't eat it.

Oh, it's not like swallow it.

It's too dry.

I think you'll choke on it.

Yeah.

Oh, it's that you'll choke.

And then when you're choking, you'll hallucinate.

Yes, probably.

Yeah, you're dying.

Because you're dying.

Yes, you're dying.

Yeah, people like put it in their mouth and it would just like puff out.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I think nutmeg is a psychoactive substance if you have enough of it.

That's it.

But it has like really bad side effects.

So like people don't actually.

Nutmeg?

Yeah.

Like if you have a bunch of it, you have like a huge, like a huge quantity of nutmeg.

It'll like fuck up your brain, but also fuck up your body.

As is my understanding.

I've never done it myself.

We used to drink tussen back in the day.

That's just cough syrup.

We used to drink tussin.

That is, it is.

It's, I mean, it's a part of what lean is, I believe.

Uh, right?

Lean.

Lean?

You know what lean is?

I've heard of a drink.

What is that lean?

Yeah, lean.

Lean is like,

it's the cough syrup you get prescribed to you.

And then it's you mix with a drink, right?

Oh, okay.

But whatever.

Usually like grape soda.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

There's a soda.

On combo?

We would drink Robotussin.

You'd Robo-Trip.

You never did that when you were younger?

No.

Yeah.

I mean, it makes sense that I'd go to the neurologist now when I drank Robitussin for fun.

Robo-trip.

Sounds like a Robocop trying to get on stairs.

Okay, so the.

Trying to get downstairs?

Yeah.

So I think the buried treasure, like, I think each of these was a little bit better.

I kind of had them in sequence.

The buried treasure, I really enjoyed.

I liked that we got a bunch of berries.

Like, like, we just really went for it.

Uh, you know, like, like maybe blackberries, raspberries, and blueberries.

Buried treasure, just like the description.

I was having the same thing.

I was, I was like, I'm, I can't help but want to take a bite of this buried treasure.

Yeah.

The secret cookie butter, name aside.

The cookie crumbles gave it a really nice texture.

We liked it.

I really liked it.

And I think that the cookie butter, which I'm not the biggest cookie butter guy, but in this context in it being like hey here's an indulgence this is like breakfast for i'm sorry this is dessert for breakfast rather i was like i think this is absolutely working i i thought that was my favorite of the three i found that the cookie butter was less cookie like and more graham crackery interesting yes tasted like a teddy graham so so the cookie butter is also presented in the context of the long-lost cookie butter milkshake this cold and creamy milkshake is the perfect blend of cookie butter cookie pieces and rich vanilla ice cream that feels like you've uncovered a forgotten treasure.

All of these dishes, it's not so much what the dish itself is.

Yeah.

It's that it makes you feel

like you found treasure.

It's not actual treasure, except for buried treasure, which is like the gemstones of raspberries.

And, you know, everything else is like,

it's not that, but it's going to make you feel like you're close to that.

Yeah.

Kind of feel like I discovered treasure.

Yeah, exactly.

Didn't actually do it, but

I kind of feel, I kind of did feel that way.

I kind of felt that way too.

Yeah.

I liked that cookie butter one.

That was my favorite of the bunch.

And then of the front of the stacked French toast.

Yes.

And again, none of this has any connection to Deanna Jones that we could possibly piece together.

Except for that he eats that every day for breakfast

for sure.

Can you imagine Harrison Ford eating one of these?

I was just, you know, I was going to ask if like, if he's a part of this promotion at all but of course he isn't can't imagine can't imagine any idea and whips it right into his mouth

broke the flavor barrier with that one

so here's what happened we ordered the long-lost cookie butter milkshake in store

yes and we didn't get it got the wrong shake we were brought shame on you i hop glendale we were brought the caramel apple butter shake we later pieced together that's what it was because we were drinking it and we're like this is pretty good.

And they were like, kind of tastes like apples.

And then we were looking at the picture of it and we were looking at the picture of what was on the menu.

We're like, this doesn't look the same because it had like kind of a caramel drizzle on it.

And I'm sure like the apples.

Our server was like looking at us like being like, hmm.

And was like, oh, God.

And they were like figuring out that this might not be.

And we were too embarrassed.

We were too embarrassed to ask for

a new one.

But I was happy that we got it.

We got the shake today.

Yes, we got it to go today to try, as well as the Explorer's caramel apple butter hot chocolate.

A rich hot cocoa infused the flavors of caramel and apple butter, creating a cozy drink that will make you feel like you're by the campfire after a day of thrilling adventures.

What the fuck?

That's what it says.

We had two very different reactions to that.

It was just too much.

It's a little bit more.

Make you feel by you're at the campfire.

What?

Anyway, I liked it, but...

Mary, I saw you take a sip of this and I saw your reaction change completely.

To the shake?

Or the

shake.

And it looked like you were unhappy with it, is my guess, but

then you said that it reminded you of something.

Was it the teddy gram?

It was the teddy gram.

It wasn't so much I was unhappy with it.

It was as much as like it tasted more.

It didn't taste like a shake to me, like a milkshake.

It tasted like teddy gram milk is what it felt like.

The cold, thick teddy gram milk.

I also got the cereal milk flavor from it.

Yeah, sure.

But I still, we both did it.

You liked it.

Yeah, We both did.

We did like it.

I liked it a lot.

Look, here's the thing.

You give me a little bit of crunch and a texture,

that sort of texture in the context of a shake, like or in the context of anything that's kind of like soft and

either creamy or, you know, like soft and chewy, like the stacked French toast.

You give me a little bit of crunch there.

I'm like.

That's great because that's livening up the experience of each individual bite, of each individual forkful or spoonful.

Yeah, yeah.

So I like, that goes a long way for me.

Just that textural

course.

But also I just like the flavor of cookie butter and these felt,

again, very much like indulgences, which is kind of what I wanted from this experience.

And I have a question.

Is your cookie butter as you have experienced, have you experienced cookie butter in other places?

Yeah, in the wild.

That's the only butter he uses.

But is this, is that like, is what you had at IHOP, is that like, yep, that's cookie butter, or is that IHOP's version of cookie butter?

It felt like kind of just whatever cookie butter they got from Cisco.

It felt like it's like a standard food service cookie butter.

The singer?

What's that?

The singer?

Yeah, the singer.

He supplies most chain restaurants.

S-Y-S-C-O.

Yeah.

That name I saw in the high school cafeteria.

Yeah.

Yeah.

All over the place.

Most industrial kitchens are supplied by Cisco or similar companies.

I love Cisco.

It's one of my favorite food suppliers.

I love it.

Yeah, they're great.

They're great.

Dependable.

You know what you're getting.

It felt like the cookie butter you might get from, like a, like, you know, you might get from like a Trader Joe's.

It felt like just a normal standard cookie butter.

I don't know if it's a distinct blend that they do in-house.

I would imagine they're getting it from a supply.

I can't imagine they're actually making it on their own.

I also got the ultimate breakfast combo-wise.

It was my way.

I got scrambled eggs with some American cheese on it.

I was hungover.

Yeah.

Do you like American cheese?

I do like American cheese on my eggs.

It was a nice

cheesy, eggy

for my hangover.

I had some shots.

I bought Jason Kelsey a shot of tequila.

Did you?

Yeah.

That's fun.

And me and Corinne and

everyone who was there afterwards.

Oh, that's so fun.

And then I bought him a second one, and he went, Jesus Christ, Mitch.

So I

alienated myself pretty quickly.

And you're like, want to see some stunts?

I did not do any stunts.

I didn't do any stunts, but he would have loved him if I did.

And then I only had a couple.

I didn't drink that much, but I was

an empty stomach.

Yeah, that'll do it.

That'll do it.

That'll do it more than quantity.

100%.

I just felt horrible the next morning.

And I had a Coca-Cola,

a Coke Heavy, as we say.

I had the, I also got a breakfast combo because I was just like, I was eating this.

I was like, we're eating all carbs and sugar.

Yes.

I need some protein to.

You need a turkey sausage.

I got turkey.

So I got like the, I got the combo.

I got the, I I got scrambled eggs and, yeah, for turkey sausage.

And that's not bad.

I got bacon and sausage.

That's all I'm doing.

And is this part of the menu too?

This is also, well, no, this is just like a dish.

This is their standard.

But I will just say, like...

Okay, we just did this on our own.

And it comes with hash browns.

And we ate the whole thing.

The hash browns were not great.

They didn't have the right...

Yeah, the hash browns, there was something wrong, something off.

Yeah.

They tasted freezer burners.

I feel like they weren't cooked at the right temperature.

They didn't have a good fry on them.

But the, you know, everything else, I feel like they always are executing that competently.

And, you know, again, I'll just fucking Peter North Chalula all over that, my, my scrambled eggs.

So I, I, as long as they're like edible, it'll be fine.

You know, I'm covering up the flavor.

But the, but I, your eggs are all right.

Your, your bacon was all right.

All of it was good except for the, the, the hash browns.

Yeah, hash browns weren't really working.

It was all great.

I had a great time.

Everything we tasted, the shake was not the right shake.

It was like you said, it was that, that apple, whatever shake.

Right.

And that, I didn't like that as much as the cookie butter shake that we had today.

But everything's good.

Stash Browns.

That's really good.

That's what they could have fucking done.

That's what they could have done.

Well, here's, here's what I mean, like, look, we're going to be pitching on it.

It'd be a Jay and Silent Bob.

Yeah.

The secret.

Jay and Silent Bob have a secret stash, so it might have to be a Jay and Silent Bob.

You might have just shifted from Indiana Jones to

Jay and Silent Bob.

Indiana Jones meets Jay and Silent Bob.

Sounds pretty good.

Talk about.

Well, we've already had the crossover event that we talked about over on a Patreon feed, Indiana Jones meets Matlock.

Everyone's buzzing about that.

People can't get enough about the Indiana Jones meets Batlock crossover.

Bad week for me.

You're doing great.

Bad week for me.

You're doing great.

My pitch was going to be

this feels like we already got a shake.

We know he doesn't like snakes.

Shakes.

It had to be shakes.

That's good.

Right?

That feels like a pretty or shakes.

I love shakes.

I love shakes instead of I hate snakes.

Yeah, so smart.

Yeah, something like that.

I don't know.

Shakes.

It had to be shakes.

That's tough because it sounds like these shakes suck.

And like, shakes, I hate shakes.

That doesn't work.

So maybe it was like, I hate snakes, but I love shakes.

Maybe it's just that overt

Callie, Ma Scramble.

That's pretty good.

That's pretty good.

Ma's in parentheses.

Look, there's a lot of ways you could have played it.

And I feel like they kind of went with their first ideas here.

We should talk about the caramel apple butter hot chocolate, which again,

via Singer and Newman, I was expecting this to be putrid.

I heard this was really bad.

I was told.

Singer Newman, you gave us some fucking false info, my man.

I think they just went.

I think this is the thing.

I think this is the glendale difference yes they went to a bad they went to a bad island

we went to one that is that they they executed everything the way it was supposed to be as designated by the corporate kitchen and what i ended up with here although this is room temp now i'm going to take a swig

that ain't bad at all well why were we disgusted by that because why you had it when it was warm why are you why are you doing room temp but i just want to show i don't showing the hoodie you're gonna lock your job

what do you want from me you're gonna lock your job i'm going to lock my jaw from taking a sip of hot coke.

It could happen.

Boys, boys.

What I appreciate about it is that the caramel apple flavor was subtle.

But I wonder if we had gotten that in store because the whipped cream had infused.

That might be part of it.

It might even have muted it a little bit.

Yeah.

Yes, I might have muted it.

I don't know if you need the apple flavor at all.

Just give us a hot shot.

I agree.

That's the sort of thing.

Regular hot chocolate I would have preferred.

But again, I think because it was, it was subtle, because we didn't get a lot of it, it wasn't overwhelming, it actually integrated pretty nicely.

I feel like a hot cider would make more sense.

Yes, that would make more sense.

An apple and chocolate feels weird, but apple and cider.

Yeah, it's a little incongruous.

You're right.

Yeah.

But still, there was nothing that I disliked.

There were things I liked more than others, but there was nothing that I disliked from the iHop Xbox Indiana Jones menu.

Yeah, I agree.

I agree.

I thought it was great.

Should we get to some fork scores?

I

I would love to get to some fork scores.

You just kind of want to get out of here.

I want to get out of here.

Take a big old nap after I'm done here.

We got a double to do.

We're going to be fine.

Oh, boy.

And we're back live during a flex alert.

Oh, we're pre-cooling before 4 p.m., folks.

And that's the end of the third.

Time to set it back to 78 from 4 to 9 p.m.

What a performance by Team California.

The power is ours.

Mary, so you've done the podcast.

You know this works, but refresher.

We'll each go around, give our closing argument, if you will, our final statement on this particular chain and end that by giving it a score from zero to five forks.

You're our guest seated to my left.

Your thoughts, your fork score on the IHOP Xbox Indiana Jones menu.

Yeah, so this is specifically for this menu, not for IHOP in general.

You haven't reviewed, Mitch and I have reviewed IHOP a bunch.

We've talked a bunch of it, but since you've never talked about IHOP on the podcast, if you want to give an overall IHOP score, feel free.

No, I'll stick to this menu

because I'm not as familiar with the general IHOP menu.

What would be your Waffle House score as a baseline?

I would say my Waffle House score would be

three and a half.

Wow, very good score.

Yeah.

Yeah.

It's really good.

Waffle House is a four-forker for me.

I want five forkers.

I think I maybe went five fork.

Did you do for Waffle House?

I did, yeah.

I mean, this, this is the other thing as far as like my expectations.

When your expectations are met or exceeded that to me is i'm always getting a given extra forks there yeah yeah yeah and uh yeah i thought that that the place absolutely executed yeah i so for this menu for me you know i what i had was very good yeah my critique is more about how the restaurant incorporated this theme, what they sort of left out, because I do feel like they went so heavy in the sugar dessert direction that I felt kind of shortchanged.

I would have been really excited to see what, like, what is an Indiana Jones power protein breakfast look like?

Right.

You know, molten egg or, you know, exactly.

Yes.

Boulder of

freaking boulder.

Sausage.

Sausage.

Yeah, just like a big

ball of sausage.

Sounds so freaking good.

How big are we talking here?

Like this?

Well, and how it's presented is it's rolled out of the kitchen.

Yeah, it's rolled on the floor.

Yeah, onto the floor.

And

you got to jump out of its way.

Oh, my name is.

I mean,

I would love this.

Yeah, it's really fun.

It's a good thing.

Showmanship.

But yeah, so I sort of feel like

of what I tasted, it was very good.

It was very delicious.

But I also feel like getting it to go, needing to piece it together myself, needing to kind of, the French toast, I do just want to say was so thick.

And

however they do it, the egg really soaks through the entire piece of bread, which is interesting.

It's so fluffy.

So the French toast I was impressed by, but I would say

I would give it a two and a half.

Two and a half.

Wow.

Fair.

Yeah.

Right in the middle of the bell curve.

Yeah.

Mitch, what do you think?

I love Indiana Jones.

He's one of our great explorers.

How do you rank the movies?

He's one of our great explorers.

Met Archimedes.

You know,

he's not real.

What's that?

What are you saying?

He's not real.

Are you talking about who are you talking about here?

Indiana Jones or Santa Claus?

Why would I talk about Santa Claus?

But I didn't know what he mentioned him.

You were just talking about Indiana Jones.

I just said that.

This changes my whole review.

Indiana Jones isn't real.

Oh, my God.

Archimedes is real?

That's a historical figure.

Thank God.

The guy he meets in Indiana Jones.

The guy he meets at the end of 5.

Thank God Archimedes is real.

So there's a chance that Indiana Jones is real, then.

Yeah.

All right.

Okay.

All right.

Thank you.

Speaking of the Archimedes one, that's the worst one.

The latest one is my lowest Indiana Jones.

Yes.

I mean, is Temple of Doom just...

Is that my favorite?

Oh, wait.

I mean, sorry, Raiders of the Lost Ark.

Is Raiders of the Lost Ark my favorite?

It's pretty great.

Temple, I love too.

I know that people.

But I love Temple because it has a Hollywood element.

That is true.

That is very fun.

I appreciate it.

I like

all three of the main Indiana Jones movies.

If that trilogy stops there, great trilogy.

I maybe would just go in order.

And I know a lot of people like three.

In reverse order.

You go down.

Yeah.

A five up to one.

One is your favorite.

Yes.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I think the only thing, the only change I'd make is I'd swap three and two.

I do like two, but I have a lot of affection for a third.

I have a lot of affection for two, too, because that's like that was an early one that I saw, too.

That was the first one I saw, yeah.

Yeah, I saw, I think I saw Raiders first, but then, but I like, I like all of them.

Yeah, I go.

I go five, four, two, three, one.

Five is your five, you go five, bottom.

Five is your favorite.

No, one is my favorite.

I go one.

Why did you say I go five, four, three, two, one?

Well, I meant from the bottom up.

Okay.

Like counting up to the top.

I go one, three, two, four, five.

Okay, yeah, that's good.

good.

1-3-2-4-5.

Crystal Skull is better than the latest one.

I agree.

Which is when I saw Crystal Skull, I was like, this is bad.

But now in hindsight, nah, that is bad.

Wish this was Crystal Skull.

I know.

The latest one stunk.

It means that we got to have, there's got to be a six now that makes

two trilogies.

Yeah, that makes two trilogies and then makes five look like four.

You know, maybe we should just stop.

I think that's the movie.

Maybe just stop.

Just keep coming up with the one that's so bad.

That's the first podcast?

That's so bad.

That maybe I said,

like the one before that.

Mary's all right.

We should just stop the podcast.

Set an extract right now.

Just, it's done.

Unplug the cameras.

Lose this footage.

We'll pay you for your great work.

Maybe we'll do an edit where it's just you talking the whole time.

Just you and Wayne Brady.

It's our biggest episode.

Like, why was Wayne Brady dressed like a minion?

They wouldn't know because we never talk talk about it.

Yeah, yeah.

I love Indiana Jones.

This theme was bizarre and

confusing.

It's an Xbox-themed menu.

We didn't really talk about this enough because it's a tie-in with the video game.

Right.

But they also generalized it to touch on a bunch of different Xbox properties, but not in the menu itself, just more in like kind of like the theming.

It's really confusing.

It's like the celebration of the anniversary of the Xbox, but also a celebration of the new Indiana Jones game.

And it feels like the whole thing of like a camel is a horse designed by committee.

Just like they were, like, whoever held the rights to all these properties, we're all like, well, we got to have this as well.

Frankenstein has this as well.

Yes, it got Frankenstein.

And I love Frankenstein.

Yeah.

He's one of the greats.

Yeah.

You're going to tell me he's not real, too?

I mean, you're always going around saying fire bad.

Yeah, we agree on a lot of fancy.

You see eye to eye with eye to eye

monster, I should say.

If I see a little girl, I'm throwing her in the lake.

That's the way it goes for me.

Jesus Christ, man.

That's what Frankenstein does.

I follow Frankenstein's.

Whenever you see a little girl, you throw her in the lake.

I make sure she's okay, but she's going in the lake.

It's a stunt.

It's fine.

I don't trust his guys.

He doesn't know what he's doing.

Well, here's a stunt for you.

Four forks.

Wow.

Four forks.

Yeah.

Because I liked the meal.

When it comes down to it, it's about the food.

This show is about the food when it comes down to it.

It's about the food when it comes down to it.

I liked the food.

The food was good.

And you know what?

The theming was confusing, but I liked the bites.

I can't deny that I liked the bites.

Why?

Yeah, look, I can't deny that I like the bites.

I do want to say

the kind of the thesis we've established with this podcast when we're reviewing something is.

Does this succeed at what it's trying to do?

And I feel like what this is trying to do is

be a novelty menu, be like a limited time thing.

And if this is maybe called, you know, IHOPS new stacked French toast in a vacuum, then we don't have to worry about the Indiana Jones layer.

We don't have to be the Xbox layer.

We don't have that little bit of incongruity, that cognitive dissonance trying to figure out what the fuck is going on, how this maps on to what we know about Indiana Jones and what we know about the Xbox game consoles.

But it does exist.

That is a connection that

they've explicitly linked.

you reminded me of the m m's when you said that you remind me of the yellow mm when i look at you

just because i have a similar body type to the yellow mm they do exist you reminded me of that that's all i was saying go ahead remind me of the babe

what a nice thing to say give us a labyrinth menu

now

Now we're talking.

When are they going to destroy that and do a sequel of Labyrinth?

Probably soon.

Probably going to happen soon.

When are they coming out with Labyrinth colon forgotten legacy?

And they're like, oh man, this sucks.

Well, the first Labyrinth was good.

And then you have some people be like, it's good.

I really like it.

Labyrinth 2, too fast, too furious.

You only don't like Labyrinth 2, too fast, too furious because it has a woman in it.

And I was like, what?

No, I didn't know.

That's not an issue.

Labyrinth 1, then I was going to say that.

Labyrinth also had a woman in it.

She was the star.

And you look at me and I'm like.

Wait, you don't like Labyrinth Juice as a woman?

Jennifer Conley.

That's right.

And it will be like

the David Bowie role will be like the rock.

This is not going to be as fun.

You know that that's what it would be.

It would be the rock, for God's sakes.

Ooh, you know who would be fun?

Jack Black.

I know he's in.

Jack's in everything, but I love Jack.

Oh, my gosh.

He is.

And he would sing.

He would be good.

He would be good.

If I'm casting that.

that,

if we're wish casting this labyrinth sequel that we've already established is not going to be good, Jack Black would be great.

He'd be great in it.

He'd be great.

Anyway, I don't think this succeeds, as far as going back to what I was saying,

does this achieve what it's trying to do?

I don't think it achieves any sort of unity between IHOP and Indiana Jones and Xbox.

I think it's a convoluted mess, but

I can't deny the bites.

The bites tasted good.

I can't go a full four forks because I just don't think it succeeds at the own premise.

Wow.

But I do think the stacked French toast and the milkshake in particular are yummy enough where I'm going to go three and a half forks.

Wow.

Deliver that with a little more flair, your three and a half forks.

Where I'm going to go

three and a half forks.

Wow.

Nick, that was so cool.

I loved that.

That was really cool.

That was cool.

It was cool as hell.

You liked the food.

It was a 4-4 food.

I did like the food.

But that's not the only thing we're doing.

And that's, if I were only doing the food,

I would definitely bump mine up.

Yeah.

The theme is a mess.

Yes.

Yeah.

The theme is a mess.

But hey, God bless Xbox.

God bless Xbox.

And God bless Indiana Jones.

God bless Indiana Jones.

He's the man.

Three and a half forks for the iHop Xbox indie menu.

Hey, let's keep the seasonal food content going with snack or whack, cream, or scream edition.

And hey, this is themed to the Christmas movie Red One.

Salt and Straw Red One Collab.

Wow.

Salt and Straw flavors specific to the hit Christmas movie Red One, which we moved over in Patreon.

We reviewed, and to let you know, it sucked.

We did not care for it.

But will this, will these suck?

Will these suck?

So the kids saw, we're fans of.

And I think we gave a very good review.

Oh, they do great work when we did it.

When we gave it a fork score.

So, okay, let's talk through these real quick.

Amelia is walking this over.

Thank you so much.

So, first off, we have the Rocks Roll, of course, is Commander of the ELF.

This is the Commander of the ELF PB Chocolate Crumb Crinkle.

I apologize.

Okay.

So, this is PB Chocolate Crinkle.

And I have some copy I can read for each of these as we're getting into it.

This is, we see a J.K.

Simmons on there.

This is Red's cookie platter with eggnog custard.

That sounds fun.

Oh, that does sound fun.

Are you an eggnog fan?

I love eggnog.

Yeah, yeah, that's great.

And finally, we have

Krampus's mint pie with pecan crust.

Krampus's mint pie.

Krampus's mince pie.

I apologize.

Not mint pie pie.

Oh, mince pie.

Krampus' mint pie with pecan crust.

Pie of savory?

That's what I thought.

Yeah.

Yes.

Wait.

Mint made more sense.

Mint did make more sense.

Yeah, I was intrigued by the mint, but no, it's mints.

What does that mean?

Okay,

I'll read this copy here.

Before Santa arrives on his sleigh, his brother Krampus revels in his own mischievous evening.

Krampus knocked.

In homage of this spirit, I cannot read.

In homage of the spirited night, we're baking a traditional mince meat pie filled with dried fruits soaked in syrupy plum schnapps and spiced with cinnamon, clove, and nutmeg.

Okay, it is well.

Okay.

Baked to perfection in a buttery pecan crust, the pie is enveloped into brown sugar ice cream infused with classic holiday spices.

Make no mistake, this is no jolly cookie-filled-filled indulgence from the North Pole.

This is Krampus's taste on the season, take on the season, one of old-world decadence and delight.

I'm glad we're not doing an ad copy right now.

I cannot fucking read a paragraph of text.

Fuck's the matter with me.

Something is wrong with me.

Something's wrong with you.

During the break, I apologized to Mary about the stunts.

And he didn't have to.

And it's now more embarrassing when you're

more embarrassing when you're like, I didn't care.

Also, as far as they're concerned, there was no break.

Oh, right.

Shit.

Oh, well, whatever.

We'll edit this out.

Who cares?

Got a lot of edits in this episode.

There's a lot of edits in this episode.

This is not good.

Which one is that?

That's the, the this is the one that you think would be good.

Yeah, how do you, how do you mess up peanut butter and chocolates?

Here's the weird thing with this, and correct me if I'm wrong, but there seems to be some Christmassy

eggnoggy flavors or something to it.

It's not great.

Let me read the copy here.

This is the North Pole's version of a powerhouse meal.

Spiced milk chocolate ice cream is packed with peanut butter.

Callum Drift's go-to protein.

That's right.

The character's name is Callum Drift.

That makes you think of Christmas more than the name Callum Drift.

Callum Drift's go-to protein through hefty chunks of housemade Reese's and Butterfingers.

That sounds good.

Even more peanut butter swirls through, further bulking up the flavor and the nutrients.

As if that weren't enough, brownie bites provide an extra energy boost thanks to the chocolate, helping the head to keep the head of security in peak physical form ready to protect Santa 24-7.

So the Rock had a hand in this copy.

That's what it feels like.

It feels like

it's like a,

like, this is actually

good for you.

It's actually good for you.

The spice, the spice is, well, I guess it's Ungapachka.

Ugapachka.

Yeah, I mean, you read all those components and it kind of sounds like a good Ben and Jerry's flavor.

It feels like a thing they could execute, but maybe they just had too much going on.

No, you can't try that one, though, right?

I'm going to skip the peanut butter and chocolate.

Let me, let me.

This is Red's the cookie platter.

You got one right in front of you, my man.

This one is, uh, I am gonna chance this one, even though it's got a pecan crust, because I don't think tree nuts have been the issue for me lately.

So let me take a little bit of this.

Oh, boy.

You like that one?

I love peanut butter, though.

I don't like this one.

Yeah, I don't know about that one.

So the mince pie

is very,

I feel like cinnamony, nutmeggy.

We were talking about spices earlier.

I don't know specifically what's in here, but I'm getting a lot of like aromatics.

Yeah, cardamom, cloves, allspice.

I'm getting all that.

And it actually really comes through nicely.

It kind of honestly has,

if I had tasted this in a vacuum, I might think they were going for pumpkin pie.

It's almost, it's almost that level of spice intensity.

I have to say, I really, this is nice.

I really love this.

I love the, I love the crinkle texture.

It's got, it's truly got like waves of peanut butter in here.

Like it's not just peanut butter flavored ice cream.

Oh, wow.

You see the swirls of peanut butter.

And in that one, the cookie platter with eggnog, there are sugar cookies in there.

Like, it is like they put a cookie platter, but I'm not sure.

It's a lot.

I actually have come around on this.

I like it.

The eggnog, it does, the eggnog flavor really comes through in that one, too.

I think all that, but my issue, I think, with both of them so far is that there's like Christmas spices in them, and like they're kind of strong.

But I kind of like that.

I like that.

At least this is the only one I've had, is the mince, the mince pie.

Well, there you go.

Let me try this some bitch.

This is the Reds cookie platter with eggnog custard.

Everyone else has had this at this point?

Yes.

Yes.

Let me try some of this.

I will say J.K.

Simmons is Jack Santa in the movie.

They really play up how muscular he is to the point where they're like, they have him just like lifting.

They just have him like doing like...

Yeah, obviously he was doing, I think he was doing a French press when we were watching.

Yeah, great.

Take away.

Take away the Santa roll, one of the last few big guy rolls.

Let's give it to fucking Jacked people.

chubby guy can't even get a you see violent night wasn't he jacked too well god damn it really yeah it was david harbor i think oh yeah what the fuck oh yo at least david harbor is already on the big guy in a way the um really going for it

whoa yeah it really that comes through

this one i really like

the cookie texture is really nice

um the eggnog flavor is really hitting

all right maybe it was too harsh on the peanut butter one.

I've gone back to it.

Yeah, the peanut butter one's really good.

It is good, and the peanut butter overtastes it, but when you just have like the,

I don't know if it needed the eggnog spice or whatever that's going on in here.

I'm going to walk these over.

I'm going to walk these two over at the producer's desk.

That's the last one I got to try.

Oh, I don't know if I love that one.

That it might be,

I feel like that's good in a taste or two, but not

Spice is a bit too much, I think, in that one.

And maybe Yungopochka for you, I think it's working for me.

I do like the level of spice.

Ew.

Okay, Amelia, I heard an Ew.

You seem repulsed by whatever you just tasted.

Did you try the peanut butter one?

I have the peanut butter one.

Red's cookie platter with eggnog custard.

Are you not an eggnog fan?

I don't think I am, but actually I like it now that the aftertaste is set in.

That was a roller coaster of a bunch.

So you went ew and then you're you're like, hmm, I like it.

Yeah, pretty much.

That peanut butter one is like unlike any other peanut butter ice cream I've ever had.

In what way?

Like, can you describe what it looks like?

I think it's the Christmas flavors.

There's like, okay.

I don't know.

It's like a Christmas cookie, but a peanut butter Christmas cookie, but kind of in a good way.

I'm with you.

Yeah, I like it.

I like it a lot.

Like, I don't think if I was craving peanut butter, chocolate, ice cream, this is what I would pick.

But I don't dislike this flavor.

You know what I mean?

Not bad.

I just like everything in there and then

that spice, that eggnog spice or whatever.

It's just.

I like the ribbon of peanut butter through it.

I love the ribbon.

This is the most Christmassy one.

That is the most Christmassy.

The one you're holding, the Krampus's mince pie with pecan crust.

I like that one.

That one was working for me.

That was a crust that I didn't respond to.

I can see that, yeah.

I think the eggnog one I liked more, but that one is also working for me.

I give those both snacks.

I don't know what to feel about this eggnog one.

Are you an eggnog fan in a vacuum?

I do like eggnog in a vacuum.

Like,

I'm like the only person in my family that likes it.

So, usually I guess.

Do you like it in a mop or in a brew?

No, I'm never in a vacuum.

Mop's too dirty.

You've said in a vacuum quite a bit.

Were you vacuuming at your home or something?

What's going on with this vacuum?

I don't know.

I have vacuum in the brain.

I wasn't vacuuming too recently.

I mean, it's a regular chore, but what kind of vacuum do you got this morning?

Yeah, you got a vacuum.

Yeah.

I got a Roomba.

Here's the thing about the Roombo.

Go take care of that

Here's the thing about the Roomba.

So I got a, I got a Roomba at fucking.

Oh, yes.

I'm sorry.

Sorry.

I meant to bring that one.

Oh, no, you're good.

I got a vacuum constantly because of this furball.

Yeah, I mean, Jemmy sheds like a, like, like

Dickens.

Yeah.

Yeah.

It's nuts.

So I had, I did get a Roomba at Costco.

I think a Roomba is almost like as much work as just vacuuming.

Because you got to maintain that bad boy and then it'll like get stuck and you got to go like, like, get it.

And then you got to like flip it over and like pull a bunch of shit out of it.

It's like there's like a lot of maintenance involved.

It's not just a thing that takes care of itself.

No, that's true.

Yeah.

I found that to be true with an automatic litter box as well, where I was sort of sold, like, it's amazing.

You don't have to scoop.

No, you still scoop.

It just, there's a machine that kind of moves the lumps around a bit.

Right.

Well, hold on a second.

Do you have a litter robot?

Maybe, maybe, yeah.

Cause I also had an automatic litter box.

This was maybe 10 years ago.

Did you get a litter robot?

So the technology could be.

Have you gotten a litter robot?

No.

You to get a little it will change that's the one that changes your life because

it does it it it it tips upside down and all the it it does all the all the it does the sifting it does the sifting it it sifts the sifting is although it's speaking of on theme now that makes me feel like i'm going for buried treasure

is sifting in that in that litter box you never know what sort of i gotta change out morsels you'll get the changing out the litter oh my god.

Is there a worse thing?

Oof, boy.

Amelia, you're a cat owner.

Are you changing the litter?

Yeah, I just do it the old-fashioned way.

Do you scoop?

I scoop.

You scoop every day.

Every morsel.

Oh, my God.

Oh, God.

I don't know how you made that so fucking gross, but you did.

What's the verdict over there on each of those flavors?

All right.

I can't decide what.

I think the peanut butter one might be my favorite of the three.

I don't like that Krampus one.

Yeah, the Krampus one was a big no for me.

Wow.

Way too.

Yeah.

So we get two wax on the Krampus and two snacks on the other two flavors.

You came around on it at all.

I came around on the eggnog.

Did you have a second bite where you were like, or did you just go just going off the first bite?

I had a second and a third, even.

Wow, okay.

Wow.

I had a very similar thing where I first tried that cookie one.

I was like, I don't like this.

And I was like, oh, I do like this.

Do you get what I'm saying about the peanut butter one?

It has like.

So there's a spice to it.

There's a spice to it that I just think you don't need.

I think if I was craving a peanut butter chocolate ice cream and someone brought me a pint of that, I'd be like a little pissed off because I'm like, well, this isn't what was in my head.

Yeah, no, I get that.

But it's not what you're saying.

But if that was like at a party, I would be fine with it, you know?

Yeah.

I like it.

It's contextual.

Yeah, exactly.

It's like if you like, like, oh, I'd like a sandwich and then someone gives you like a Euro, you know, you'd be like, well,

I might still like this, but this is maybe not a sandwich.

I was expecting that.

Yeah, it's fantastic.

A Euro.

All right, bad example.

All right.

That's fine.

They bring you a wrap.

You actually

have to go to a certain amount of time.

It's not that much different from a Euro.

All right, fuck, fuck.

All right.

In my mind, I'm still picturing a Euro.

I was picturing like a shitty Caesar salad wrap.

You know, chicken Caesar.

I wish I could get more chicken Caesar.

I actually do like a chicken Caesar salad.

Oh, my goodness.

Yeah, oh, I do.

I like the wrap so much.

California Chicken Cafe, there's one nearby now.

They put it in the bottom of some horrible new building.

Yeah, which are going up every year.

We're going up everywhere.

The apartment buildings are everywhere.

All the generic five-over-ones, you see them absolutely everywhere.

Yeah, they're

it's like the easiest thing to permit or whatever.

They're taking over LA, basically.

Which yeah, it's sad.

It's sad.

It is a bummer to see, like, oh, Kenson Studios was pull down Kermit and put up one of these fucking

ugly condos with the yoga works at ground work, ground level.

Yeah,

it's so out of place in a neighborhood of like you know, yeah, single-story houses.

And then did you have this giant thing?

That just, it's such a bummer.

It's tricky because there is legitimately a housing shortage.

And so it's like

that you do want more high-density buildings, but also

a lot of them are like, yeah, they just don't have any character to them.

And, you know, if you, especially if you're in a historic neighborhood, it starts to make everything feel jealous.

And they're probably not going to be affordable.

Well, that's the other thing is that the way these are priced is like, you go, it's like, wait, wait, they want $3,700 for a studio?

Like, why are all these targeted at high-income people who, you know,

it's a bummer because those aren't the people who, but I guess there's an argument where having those will lead for higher income people to move to those, which will lead to more vacancies in other buildings, whatever.

Yes.

I feel like my hair is going to start growing.

It has actually higher and higher.

I do feel like it has growing.

It has grown.

Taking on more of a wave.

But it's cool.

You can go downstairs and get a Froyo or whatever.

Yeah.

Yeah, there's a Phil's coffee down there.

Dangerous for me.

Oh, if I had a, oh, man.

That would be dangerous.

I'm trying to think of what the the Minchi's frozen yogurt in the ground level right below you.

Yeah,

you know what I just realized saying that was that what I was like, a Froyo.

And I was like, what is now?

I was like, that was like, that's a 10-year-old reference now, like the Froyo place.

Yeah, frozen yogurt.

What the fuck is now the version of that?

Yeah.

It's like there isn't.

I don't even know if there is a version of it.

Anyways, who gave it to me?

I think Pinkberry was.

Yeah, Pinkberry was.

I think it's maybe an acai bowl, or is that on the way out?

Yeah, like a juice place.

Yeah, I feel like you're seeing a lot of acai and juice places around.

Which is funny because that was a 90s.

It was.

Yeah, in a way.

All of these.

I weirdly think I like the Krampus one the most because it is the most Christmassy.

I know that's weird.

It is the most Christmassy.

I'll give you that.

I'm almost weird with you.

I like the Krampus one.

I think you and I are on Krampus Island here.

This would be a horrible place to be.

I would hate to be Krampus Island.

Although Krampus knocks it seemed like they're having a lot of fun.

Yeah.

Like that part of the movie, I kind of like that part of the movie.

Krampus is slapping people.

I disagree with you.

I didn't like that part of the movie.

But I don't know if there's any part of the movie I like.

Yeah.

I like seeing our friend Nick Croll.

Yeah.

That was fun.

Nick's in it.

Yeah.

Yeah.

So it's always fun to be like, our friends in it.

And the movie sucks shit.

They put one comedian in a comedy.

How about that?

Yeah, how about that?

I love it when they do that.

Yeah.

Nice.

Throw them a bone.

Throw them a bone.

Yeah.

Okay.

So here's what I'm going to say.

Red's cookie platter was my favorite.

I really like that eggnot custard, and I really like that.

I think the texture of the crumbled cookies was really working for me.

Snickerdoodles, spiced gingerbread, you're getting all that.

But also, I did like the Krampus's mince pie quite a bit.

But both of those are snacks, but I'd put the Reds cookie platter, the J.K.

Simmons Red 1 flavor just above it.

Can I say that my stomach immediately dropped?

It's probably from

the things that I've eaten this morning have been a hot chocolate,

a French toast stick, and we didn't talk about the French toast sticks.

Yeah, Yeah, we got the French toast sticks from the kids' menu as well.

Yeah, but it was essentially just a French toast that was.

Yeah, that you dipped in cookie butter.

But what was nice about it is it came with fresh berries, fresh strawberries, and fresh bananas.

And we took your idea of you put a little cookie butter on that bad boy, and then you put like a little berry or a little banana on it.

It makes it nice and cool.

Yeah, those slices of banana and strawberry, the only normal thing that I've eaten so far today.

We didn't order that because we were embarrassed to order the children's menu.

Yeah, sure.

But, you know, we basically ordered everything else.

It wouldn't be too much more embarrassing.

I say slight snack to all.

I'll give a slight snack to all three of them.

Yeah,

I'll give a clear snack to both of the ones that I tried, and I like the Reds cookie platter more.

Mary,

your snack or whack verdict on each flavor, and what are your favorites?

Cranbiz is unfortunately whack for me.

Not for me.

That was way too much spice.

And

I think was,

I,

my,

you know, you understand?

My thing with ice cream is: I want a flavor that makes me want to keep going back and back and back.

And I think with the Krampus one, I'd be like, okay, I get it.

Like, it is pretty potent.

One bite.

That was the easiest one.

I like all three of these.

Well, I love the peanut butter one.

That is snack across the board to me.

And also, I did like the

slight snacks to the cookie platter with eggnog.

Well, there you go.

Hey, that was a snack or whack with the salt and straw red one ice creams, just like a restaurant via your feedback.

Let's open the feedback.

And today's email is from Brian.

Brian writes, Hi, Doughboys.

We'll get to it.

I don't think it's Brian from Family.

Okay, all right.

And maybe we'll get closer on that by the end.

All right.

Hi, Doughboys.

To steal a phrase from the sloppy boys, I'm quite often swayed by the smell when it comes to fast food.

Here in South Louisiana, down in the bayou, we've got raising canes on nearly every corner, and the smell of fried chicken is everywhere.

What fast food restaurants do you think have the best-smelling food?

Your Cajun friend, Brian, parentheses, not a Gator.

Oh.

I think he's a Gator.

Well, yeah, because the whole time I actually thought he sounded like a Gator.

I think he doth protest too much.

Does it say out of that, possibly a dog?

Because then we know it's Brian.

Yeah.

We know at that point it's Brian.

You know what?

I was just thinking, I was like, what would be the worst thing to be on the bottom floor of your apartment?

You were like, oh, it wouldn't be good if I had Froyo.

I think like a pizza place or if there was a raising canes or something in the bottom of my,

I would just eat fried chicken so much more, which is the thing that I try not to do, even though I don't even know if it's that bad.

I guess the worst thing would be a McDonald's.

Brian took what would have been my answer.

Well, I did live on the same block as a McDonald's for a while, and I had to, it actually made me go less because I knew I had to exercise restraint to stop going.

Um, so like it, it's you know, it's just it depends on how what you do to your brain.

But, like, I was just like, I can't go all the time, uh, but I need to go frequently.

Fried chicken would have been my answer.

Fried chicken is my favorite food.

I almost just said in a vacuum again.

I said, fried chicken would have been my answer in a vacuum.

I stopped myself.

What's going on with this vacuum?

Did you say that?

Fried chicken would have been my answer in a vacuum, but Brian took it.

I'm trying to think of other flavors, and I feel like I really, like, I'm not even necessarily the biggest, like, meats guy, the biggest, like, like, barbecue guy, but when you smell and some meats are smoking,

that smoky sort of like, like, oh man, something's firing up.

They're roasting something.

Or even if you just walk by your neighborhood and someone's having like a cookout and you're smelling like that grill, it's like something about grilled meats that's just like, oh, man, that's when I feel like I want to turn, I'm going to turn to the cartoon character and play horizontally.

You know what I mean?

You go, yeah, follow my

exactly.

I've seen him do it.

Yeah, I can do it.

I've seen him flip.

I can do it.

I can do it.

I can do it.

I don't believe it.

I've seen it.

I've seen it happen.

At the very tips of your toes, like a ballerina.

It's actually what happens at the end of the whale.

You think he's going to heaven, but actually, he's following.

You smell the pie.

He's floating away towards the pie.

My first

credit scene is to say McDonald's because I love McDonald's so much.

But I actually think, you know, if I really ask myself, the place that I go into where I'm like, God, I love this smell so much.

And it's a strange answer, but it would be Subway.

Interesting.

Oh, my.

Do you know what I'm talking about?

The bread smell is pretty good.

It's such a specific smell.

You go in, it's like

that smell makes me sick.

Yes.

I was going to say, sage.

Amelia, that was

the the most aggressive

you've ever been.

That smell makes me sick.

Her face lit up in a way where I was like, yes, Amelia and I, we connect on this.

And then what she said was so odd, but she had the biggest smile on her face when she said it.

Yeah, Mary, Mary, thanks for doing the show, but you disgust us.

No problem.

I keep getting that feedback.

Is this something I'm doing?

That smell makes me sick.

It was like the most jersey you've ever been.

Get the fuck out of here.

A burger for me is the answer.

I can't use the grilled burger.

Yeah, the smell of a grilled burger.

Yum, yum, yum, yum, yum.

Come on, Laurie.

I can't beat the smell of a burger.

I currently live like two blocks away from two different places that make burgers.

I'm not going to say names because you'll find my house if I do.

But I regularly get to that.

I don't even need to worry about anyone that's upready for that.

But there are regular mornings where we're walking, and I'm like, I could eat like chili cheese fries and a burger right now because it just smells so good just like walking down the street.

I've geolocated the likely route of Jemmy's morning walks.

If anyone wants to meet up and try and take a picture of her,

I visited LA and I did Jemmy's walk.

I got down on all fours, and my significant other walked me around the block that Jemmy walks on.

I took a shit where I think Jemmy would have taken a shit.

I have to go back for court now.

Don't figure, don't triangulate

where Emma lives.

You can figure out where I live based on me saying I live near two burger restaurants in L.A.

Ben.

Damn, you're down.

I will say.

We'll do a contest where we'll give you Emma's addresses.

We're not going to dox our staff for a contest.

For a contest?

For a contest.

What about for a good cause?

How about whoever donates the most, like, Santee Dor, the cat shelter?

Yeah.

We give them Amelia's address.

I'll tell you you one of the burger restaurants if you donate money.

You don't

okay.

All right, good.

I was going to say, don't do it.

You don't have that away for free.

Wait, okay.

Just going back to bread.

Yeah.

I will say,

going by like a like a place that does like fresh baking, like even a subway aside, and I do like the smell of subway bread,

unlike Amelia.

I do think that is a good smell.

But like, just like you go by a bakery, it's like, oh, man, this is incredible.

Oh, fucking intoxicating.

Oh, man, desperate.

It's a freaking bread.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Absolutely.

Oh, you know what?

The other thing I was going to say was.

This is when Lisa told Bart to go back to bed, and he said, I thought you said go back to bread.

Yeah, that's good.

That's good.

Sorry, just remembering an old Simpsons joke.

Go-to bread.

Yeah, I got to go to the bathroom.

Go to go-to bread.

Yeah, that's good.

Yeah, that's good.

I thought you said go-to bread.

Yeah.

And he went and got bread.

The Simpsons were very funny.

It was a good time.

It was a good joke.

So

the thing I was thinking of,

remembering, we're both collectively remembering everyone's like 357th favorite Simpsons joke.

Like, I kind of remember that.

What?

I thought it was funny.

I did lie.

I do think it's funny.

It does make me laugh.

The

salt and straw ice cream place that makes in-house waffle cones.

The smell of waffle cones.

That is shit.

That's absolutely intoxicating.

Yes.

So good.

Can I be honest with you, Ages?

That smell makes me sick.

Thanks for the question, Brian.

Oh, wait.

There's a PS from Brian here.

I am a Gator.

Oh, my.

Oh, my God.

Brian.

Oh, my God.

He should have said, I alligator.

He should have said, I alligator.

He should have said, I, alligator.

If you have a question or comment about the world of chain restaurants, you can email us at feedback at birdfuck.com or leave us a voicemail at 830 god.

That's 830-463-6844.

And to get the Doughboys double our weekly bonus episode, bless our entire pre-2018 back catalog, subscribe at patreon.com/slash doughboys.

Our producers, Emma Erbbrink.

Our associate producers, Amelia Marino.

Our engineers, Casey Donahue.

Our video editor is Mike Dorfman.

Our guest, Mary Holland.

Mary, congrats on night, bitch.

I'm very excited to see it.

Tell us about the movie and please, anything else you want to plug?

Yes, the movie comes out December 6th.

So it'll be up by the time this episode is out.

Oh, great.

Oh, great.

Yeah.

It's

great.

It's starring Amy Adams, who is a National Treasure, much like Indiana Jones.

Yes.

Wow.

Yeah.

And the National Treasure movie is kind of a spin-off of Indiana Jones as well.

Mitch, you're right.

Is that controversial?

No, I think, I mean, it's like it's clearly draws some inspiration for her, but not

an overt spin-off, but definitely like kind of an homage.

We love Amy Adams.

Amy Adams is great.

I saw her outside of Mozo one night.

Oh, did you?

She was on the phone.

Yeah, she has one.

Yeah.

All right.

Confirmation: it was definitely her.

It was her, for sure, because she has one.

I was Osiria Mozo.

I was walking to

Chispaka with my mom.

That place has the Fakasha.

Oh, it's very, very good.

Yeah.

It's a fancy steakhouse.

But if you want, you have a relatively bad thing.

Killer Michael,

nice meal.

That's when I saw Killer Michael.

They have a cheesy Fokasha bread that is unreal.

It's really, really, really, really good.

It's good.

I think I saw a trailer for Night Bitch.

Was it at Tiff?

Yes, yeah.

It was.

Because I was up in Toronto.

Were you there, Tiff?

No, I wasn't.

Okay.

But the movie was.

Yeah.

I guess I was in a way because I am in that movie.

Movie's out now.

Amy Adams, you're in it as well.

Congratulations.

Very excited to see it.

Thank you.

So funny.

Thanks so much for doing the show.

My pleasure.

It's, I'm so thrilled to be back.

And

I hope I can come back again.

We'd love to have you.

We'd love to have you back here.

We also just say the show is not always like this.

Yeah.

Okay.

Thank you.

Thank you for being here for this episode.

And thank you for saying that.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Were there any stunts in Nightpicks?

Thank you for having me.

That'll do it for this episode of Doughboy.

Until next time for the Spoon Man at Mike Mitchell, I'm Nick Weiger.

Happy Eating.

Hey, buddy, we got some new merch for the holidays from our buddies at Kinship Goods.

Wow.

We got hoodies, Wigs.

We got sweatshirts.

Wow.

We got koozies.

That's right.

Number one clown-ass dad koozies.

Yeah, that's right.

We got it.

You can give it to your dad for the holidays.

What a gift.

We got stickers, sticker sheets, bumper stickers.

Stickers.

Check all the out.

Stickers for you, stickers for your car.

And also, snow gators t-shirts.

That's right.

The bit, not even we like.

We made a shirt of it.

You want to think about those snow gators they got up north in the in the Toronto bayou.

Wait, what color are they?

Oh, those gators?

Oh, they're white.

Wow.

Wow.

Kinshipgoods.com/slash Doughboys.

That's the URL for all our new winter merch.

Get it for the holidays for the Doughboys lover in your life or for yourself.

Don't stuff coal into their stockings.

Put one of these dumb gifts instead.

KinshipGoods.com slash Doughboys.

Sources for the intro are in the episode description.

I'm Tig Notaro.

I'm Mae Martin.

And I'm Fortune Themster.

And together, we're handsome.

What is handsome?

Well, it's a state of mind.

It's how you feel.

It's whatever you want it to be.

Handsome is also a podcast hosted by us, three stand-up comedians you may have seen on your TV.

We swap stories, share life updates, and occasionally laugh until we cry.

Every episode we answer a question from a celebrity friend, people like Sarah Silverman.

It's Stephen Colbert.

It's Reese Witherspoon.

My name is Mindy Kaling.

Hello Handsome Podcast.

It's Jen Aniston here.

You gorgeous W.

So if you're looking for a positive, joyful show guaranteed to make you giggle, check out Handsome.

Jump right in with whatever episode tiggles your fancy or start from the very first episode.

Listen to Handsome on your favorite podcast app or watch full video episodes on YouTube.

New episodes every Tuesday and Friday.

And don't forget, keep it handsome.

That was a hitgum podcast.