UNLOCKED! Mash Off 6: The Chompit: The Battle of the 5 Cookies with Eva Anderson and Mike Hanford

This is a head gun podcast.

Hey, buddy, this week's main feed episode is a free preview of the Dough Boys Double.

Subscribe at patreon.com/slash Doughboys.

Wow.

Welcome to Dough Boys Double.

I'm Nick Weiger along with the Spoon Man, Mike Mitchell, Mitch.

One day after the SAG After strike resolution at long last.

That's right, Wags.

It's over.

And I finally get to say this.

I want to promote the sound of freedom.

I finally get to promote a project near and dear to my heart, the sound of freedom.

Yeah.

Yeah, you've had to be kind of tight-lipped about that for a while.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I know I'm not in it, you know, but I want people to go out and check it out.

Buy movie tickets for it if you're if you're even if you're not going, but yeah, check it out, right?

Just sort of just if you want to just buy every like ticket for like a 2 p.m.

showing on a Wednesday, that really helps.

Like just the

box office numbers.

Yeah, yeah, I know.

I'm thrilled I get to finally talk about it.

Yeah, see the line, Mitch.

That sounds like, oh, damn it.

Never trust a pedophile.

Is that serious?

Is that really in the movie?

Yeah, that's the big, like,

you're terminated fucker.

I had to look up Sound and Freedom, Mitch, and I know now that you're joking.

I did a quick Wikipedia search.

I'm not joking.

I think you should check it out.

I think you'll like it.

But hey, happy end of the strike to all of us.

And

I hope that

all other unions.

Great, that I can't remember the other union.

I think we did.

There's been some, you know, like a very Ayazi.

Yeah.

Oh, you're talking about the other entertainment unions.

No, I just want to say that we were before

Ayazi when they come up

in a couple months.

Yeah, I'll see in the Teamsters next year.

We'll be right there with them.

God bless.

Mitch,

do you feel, I don't know, guilty or bad at all for not picketing one moment?

You know that I was cramping up for most of the strike.

The son's too right out here.

No,

I saw the one Instagram pick of you.

Did I put up an Instagram pick with who?

With Claudia at Netflix?

Is that the one?

You know, I don't really, I don't really catalog all your Instagram posts, but yes, I believe that's right.

I went quite a few times, not as much as this guy over here.

He was there.

Everyone was doing what they can.

I picketed with Hanford in New York.

Yeah, she caught me on the one time I went.

I was like, what's going on out here?

I'm returning something from Radio Shack.

They all seem to be closed.

These batteries don't work anymore.

You know,

we have a long-standing tradition here in the Dobo's.

What were we going to say?

Strike is over.

Mash is on.

That's the mash off.

That's right.

What a segue.

Oh, that's what you're going to say.

This is the long-standing tradition.

Yeah, the long-standing tradition on the podcast.

But I think what you said worked as well.

And you know what?

We're kind of going to come mash up these ideas

in a synergistic way because this is the mash off.

And every time we do the mash off, we like to bring back our friends, Eva Anderson and Mike Hanford.

Thank you both for being here.

Thank you for having me again.

When did this old tradition start?

This one,

actually, you know, it's funny you ask because our buddy the Drop King compiled some stats.

I didn't ask him to do this.

But our first mashoff happened in 2017.

Wow.

So it's been going for a while.

And that was Mount Thanksgiving more,

where we all tried to put together a Thanksgiving dinner.

It's kind of wild that it was that elaborate from the get-go.

And then as we were going, we started to put together more dishes and have things be a little bit focused, more focused and a little bit more gimmicky.

For instance, in 2021, we all did Thanksgiving sides,

where I prepared cranberry sauce.

Mitch did mashed potatoes, Hanford did stuffing, and Eva did roasted brushes.

Was it canned?

Did you canned cranberry sauce?

Or you made a cranberry sauce?

No, I made a cranberry sauce.

That's pretty good.

Man, I don't have a memory of any of that.

I remember none of that.

I don't remember making roasted Brussels sprouts at all.

A few of these were pandemic years, so that is probably part of the reason.

Oh, that could be it.

Yeah.

I made stuffing one year, but that's the only thing I remember.

I remember the the dessert one.

I can't remember what I made.

No, I made like some cinnamon swirl type thing.

I made a cranberry

tart that year

when we did desserts.

Every time I've done this, I have had help from mommy, my mommy.

Whether it's just input, but this year, she's here.

She's in studio.

Hey.

She's sitting right over here.

She's watching.

Hi, Mrs.

Mitchell.

Not laughing.

Also, instrumental in drilling down the answer to an ongoing debate here, which we are going to, you know, kind of conclude with today's mashoff.

Is Christmas a cookie holiday?

Came on to our show and definitively

just declared,

banged your gavel and said, yes, Christmas is a cookie holiday.

She watches Judge Judy, so that makes sense.

Who was saying it wasn't a, what do you mean by cookie holiday?

Just cookies are associated with it?

Well, this is, I mean, what's your take?

When you hear the question, is Christmas a cookie holiday?

What does your gut tell you?

Yeah, I say, yes, it is.

You say, say, yes, it is.

Because of Christmas cookies, right?

Yeah.

What got us into some hot water on the podcast is this topic.

Did she make that decision a year ago?

No, it was the, I mean, it was close to a year ago, but it was at the our live finale of Munch Madness this past year.

Okay.

It was the current year, 2023.

Jesus.

You all right?

Yeah, I'm fine.

I mean, no, I'm not, but you know, it's fine.

When we, we, the question came up on the podcast, and Mitch and I both hemmed and hawed and sort of landed like, I guess it's a Christmas cook Christmas holiday or I guess Christmas is a cookie holiday rather that's what I'm trying to say I guess Christmas is a cookie holiday and then people got really mad people got really upset at us and then so we tried to like come to some clarity a consensus answer and I think we ultimately landed on Christmas cookie I mean you you I assume you think Christmas is a cookie holiday I think it is yeah well this is crazy to me what were people mad at you hold on you two were you said it you said it was water basically we we kind of were we were kind of like we're not sure if it is or not.

I mean, in our minds, I think it was like Santa eats cookies, but does that necessarily mean it's like a big cookie holiday?

I don't know.

Well,

is the argument like there's other bigger cookie holidays?

Well, that's why we landed on Christmas is a cookie holiday, kind of like it was like a soft yes for us.

Like, yeah, I guess Christmas is a cookie holiday because

we find better

cookie exchanges.

Yeah.

I never really was engaged in a cookie exchange.

I never had that, but I have encountered gingerbread house, but I also don't think a gingerbread house is a cookie.

But my grandma also always baked cookies for Christmas, and I do know that the concept of Christmas cookie exists.

Did grandma make cookies for cookie?

Did grandma make cookies for Christmas?

It's a cookie holiday.

It's fine.

All right, my grandma's cooking.

We're just trolling.

Just trolling.

We're not trolling.

Handman.

Handman, we're not trolling.

I don't.

How about this?

How about this for a take?

I don't really think of Valentine's Day as a Cupid holiday.

Okay.

Now you're trolling.

That's what I'm saying.

I know what you're trolling.

That's what trolling is.

There's more.

I see more Cupids on

St.

Patrick's Day.

Yes, they're wearing green, and yes, they're watching their gold.

Those are leprechauns.

That's not a Cupid.

They're confusing the two.

They're confusing the two.

Hanford should mention is being a prince for us today.

It is in New York City doing this remotely and also a little under the weather.

Hope you're feeling better, buddy.

I'm doing great.

You're going to hear some sniffling.

I might

leave the frame to cough.

Don't worry about me.

I'm getting over it.

It's breaking up.

My chest gold is breaking up.

Okay, I messaged Drop King because I read those dishes and then I didn't remember

Nick.

No, I'm what?

No,

I'm glad you're not.

No, that's what I'm saying.

You, you brought it up.

The other two are just stone-faced.

I don't know.

I don't, I mean, I'm sad that you're feeling sick.

I'm happy that you're starting to feel better.

I said before it was the fallon flu.

I don't want to get everyone sick at fallon.

That's the main concern.

That's why I stayed away.

Were you out of work all week?

No, just two days.

But last week, a bunch of people had the same thing, and I knew it was time.

You know that

when we did Birthday Boys together, I would often blame you for getting sick.

I think you remember this.

This is a Mitch thing.

You always want to drill down the patient zero.

Now it's a Mitch thing.

No, this happened.

Well, yeah, it's always you and Hamford.

That's the issue.

You and Hanford are the two dudes.

You think it's a mechanic?

No, you're actually, you're not sick, almost alarmingly, ever sick.

We were, and then Hanford and I were both sick for like, remember we were sick for like seven months?

We had a cough, like a year-long cough.

Yeah.

That's rough.

I don't know.

We probably should have

gone to a doctor, I feel like, at that point.

Yeah, I think so.

Looking back on that now, I think.

I feel like most health books say seven months with a cough is the time to go.

Okay, so I went back to Drop King because he sent, like, this is his message.

Also, some stats from the previous mash house, just in case you were curious or thought it was worth referencing or revisiting.

I thought what he was sending was the dishes we made, but no, these were just things that we talked about on the episode.

Okay, good.

So, for instance, canned cranberry sauce, mashed potato stuffing, roasted Brussels spouts.

We didn't actually prepare those during Mashoff for the Dream Master.

That was just what came up when we asked what our favorite Thanksgiving sides were.

I thought I was going crazy.

Yeah, I also was like a little, because I was like, I did not make both a pecan pie and a pumpkin pie, so I'm not quite sure why that's unfortunate.

Why was four the Dream Masters when three is the Dream Masters and Freddy?

The three is the Dream Warriors.

Oh, my God, and four is the master

man that's embarrassing my freddy knowledge yeah that sucks sorry mama this is embarrassing to do this in front of my mom

the first freddy movie came out today in 84 was it it oh really after

release yeah after halloween that's wild

as of this record uh it was on a at work we have like a little sheet like a fun sheet of like what's on the show what's fun things picture of the day and stuff i love that's that's what from what i love what what I, when, you know, when I used to work on, on, uh, on, on talk shows, variety shows, I loved getting that research packet.

The researchers would go in, they'd do so much work, and they'd put together a bunch of just like, and so, yeah, you'd always find out fun facts.

Like, they'd say, oh, today it's, it's, it's, you know, it's National Fork Day.

Like, it's got like some, there's some weird holiday that's going on, or like, oh, this is John Wayne's birthday.

How about that?

I don't know.

John Wayne Casey?

I was reading the sheet today and I was looking through, I was like, oh, cool.

That's a fun fact about Freddie.

And I was like, today is Mike Hanford's last day.

What the fuck is this?

Lazy and obtuse were two words that jumped out at me.

I like that you're like, you're like, I loved that packet breakdown.

And then after work, people are like, Nick, you want to come for a drink?

You're like, no, I'm okay.

I'm going to go home.

I'm taking the packet with me.

Read the packet on the bus.

Okay, so our last mashoff was mashoff five.

That was the revenge of Michael Masters.

So now I'm looking at the Doughboys wiki.

That was when we went back to the mash.

We returned to the mash and we each had a secret - that's what I was thinking of.

And

we each had a secret ingredient we drafted.

Now I'm remembering all this.

And Emma participated.

Emma drafted vegan, made a vegan mash that actually came out.

Yeah, it was a good thing.

It was actually pretty good.

There we go.

Boiling the potatoes and veggie broth was a huge, yeah, huge part of it.

And what was it?

What were the other.

Before that, we all made pies.

Oh, right.

Yeah, that we did make pies one year.

Oh, yeah.

That was.

Yeah, I like that when I made a blueberry pie.

Pie iteming.

I feel like I did well with a pie item.

I had never tried it before.

I tried something new today as well.

2020, we made sides.

Right.

Or we made different things.

Like 2020, I think, Weiger, that's when you made the turkey breast.

That's correct.

Yes, that's right.

An insane choice.

Just a lot of stuff.

People, you guys made other stuff.

Mitch, you made classic pecan pie bars.

Mrs.

Mitchell made a pecan pie martini.

That's right.

Oh, yeah.

I was home at that point, I think.

Yeah.

Hanford made pumpkin swirl bread and Eva made, yeah, sage and sausage stuffing.

The point is, we've made a lot of dishes here on the mash off over the years.

We've hit on a lot of different categories.

We've maybe expanded.

To be honest with you, Eva's is always pretty good.

Eva's is always good.

Eva's usually the winner.

She's an award winner.

She is an award-winning baker.

You won a blue ribbon, did you not?

I did.

That's pretty good.

I don't think this is going to win a blue ribbon today, but, you know, if there's a blue ribbon here in the studio, you could give it to me.

The hell's going on over there?

I know.

Just like

that.

That's what I thought he was going to get out.

I didn't know what he was doing.

I'm very self-conscious about my shirts.

The dog is very sleepy.

It's very cute.

Casey says it looks fine.

You're button.

Jemmy looks cute.

You adjusting.

you're gonna you're gonna show your middle i know i'm gonna expose my gut by accident when i'm trying to adjust my shirt i gotta stop i love that button with it good shirt it's a good shirt it's from our buddies at kinship goods really good here's a difference

increase your shirt size

yeah go up a size what 4x0 would be good for you

all right all right all right let me ask you this so so we've kind of thoroughly explored thanksgiving which is partly why we're going to Christmas cookies this year for this mash off.

But I want to ask, and I know.

Are we going to Christmas cookies or is this Thanksgiving cookies?

It's supposed to be Christmas cookies.

Oh, it's supposed to be Christmas.

Well, luckily, I made something that works for both.

Yeah, it's fine.

Whatever you made, it's fine.

It's going to be fine.

Okay.

But I wanted to ask,

it's keeping in the dessert realm and keeping in the term of in the area of sweet treats.

What sweet treats do you like to have around the holidays?

Handman, let's start with you.

Ooh, around the holidays.

I like when somebody brings like a good cookie in somewhere.

I don't make cookies very well.

Hopefully, today's different.

But yeah, I do like the cookie, kind of the classic.

The star with the sort of

the frosting on it that's hard.

You know what I mean?

It's like a white shortbread.

Hard frosting is your answer?

No,

how do I describe it?

It's like shiny kind of.

Yeah, I get what you mean.

Gotcha, gotcha.

Yeah.

Yeah, I like a nice Christmas slurpee.

Mitch.

Mint slurpee?

Oh, yeah,

minty slurpee.

Peppermint sticks slurpee.

Mitch, you just reminded me, I didn't have my summer slurpee this summer.

I always had at least one.

I missed it.

It's a bummer.

What's your flavor?

I like the cherry.

Oh, cherry's good.

I like it a cherry.

I had a point in my life where I was having a Coke Slurpee every day.

Woo!

And then I was like,

yeah.

This was my thicker era.

Not that I'm a slender man these days, but like I was like, you know, I was really happy.

Be slender, man.

I was having, and then we looked it up and it was like, oh my God, this is like 600 calories of sugar.

Like I'm just having consistently.

Well, you were also eating, didn't you eat Snicker bars at this point too?

This was a little earlier than that.

Well, yeah, when I worked in the video game industry, Mountain Dew and a Snickers bar.

My general breakfast, I'd get something from the office break room and I would, like, because I'd get in late and I'd just like grab whatever I had.

And it was usually a Snickers bar, a black coffee and a Mountain Dew code red.

Oh my God.

Dear God.

Horrible.

My mom was.

But you can eat like that when you're like 22.

Oh, yeah.

My mom had a visual reaction.

Yeah.

I think she was nervous, maybe.

I don't know what it was.

That does make my teeth tingle hearing that.

Yeah.

I did that in college.

I would go to a like a snack machine and get like a a Snickers and a Coke.

It's like same thing.

Yeah.

Like every day.

It's crazy.

I'm not, I'm not a, well, my mom's here and she might scoff at this.

I'm not a huge sweets person.

I got a teeth tingler today.

I didn't see a scoff.

I saw like a mild eye roll, but not a scoff.

I think that I like sweets when they're liquid.

I like colas.

I don't like,

I don't eat like a ton of candy, do I?

Gummy bears I like.

Right?

Yeah.

You're asking your mom if you like gummy bears.

We both like desserts.

My mom and I like desserts.

We like chocolate desserts.

But besides that, I'm not like a

big sweets person.

I don't care about like in the holidays, I don't really care about like the sweet.

Like I'm more savory.

I'm more excited about some sort of dinner dish.

More meats than sweets.

Yeah, more meats than sweets.

This show is sponsored by Liquid IV.

Wages, it's the dog days of summer as I sit here next to Jemmy.

It's hot and you got to stay hydrated.

You know how I stay hydrated?

How's that with a liquid IV?

I take liquid IV every night, a strawberry liquid IV.

I mix it into some water, I drink it down, and I'm feeling good.

I'm feeling hydrated.

I'm going to bed a happy little Mitch.

Having to transition from summer shenanigans to the focus needed in the fall should be illegal, but you can ditch the glitch with zero sugar and zero crash from Liquid IV's new energy multiplier, Sugar-Free Hydrating Energy.

It's scientifically formulated to support physical energy, hydration, focus, mood, and social stamina.

Wise, you know what I love about Liquid IV.

I'm getting all those electrolytes, I'm getting what my body needs, and you know what?

I'm not getting a giant sugar rush.

I'm not getting all those calories from sugar.

Especially not from the new sugar-free hydrating energy, which is perfect for fall.

Liquid IV's new energy multiplier can help you boost hydration and energy without the jitters or crash of traditional energy drinks.

It's perfect for your gym bag, work lunch, carry-on, or wherever you need that perfect boost of energy.

Whether you're fueling up for a workout, a long day of travel, or just trying to avoid an afternoon slump, Liquid IV's new energy multipliers keep you hydrated and energized.

Plus, it comes in two new delicious flavors, Wags.

Sugar-free energy strawberry kiwi and sugar-free energy blackberry lemonade.

Wow.

Just one stick and 16 ounces of water hydrates better than water alone, Wags.

Powered by LIV Hydro Science, an optimized ratio of electrolytes, essential vitamins, and clinically tested nutrients that turn ordinary water into extraordinary hydration.

Three times the electrolytes of the leading sports drink, eight essential vitamins and nutrients, and always non-GMO, vegan, gluten-free, dairy-free, and soy-free.

Ditch the glitch with zero sugar and zero crash from Liquid IV.

Tear, pour, live, more.

Go to liquidiv.com and get 20% off your first order with code DOE BOYS at checkout.

That's 20% off your first order with code DOEBOYS at liquidiv.com.

Do it.

Hey, buddy, with prices going up on just about everything lately, dealing with money can be stressful.

Trying to manage subscriptions, track spending, spending and cut costs can feel overwhelming luckily rocket money can relieve some of that stress and help you feel confident in the financial decisions you make wags rocket money is a personal finance app that helps find and cancel your unwanted subscriptions monitors your spending and helps lower your bills so you can grow your savings wow if you've got a goal you'd like to save for rocket money can analyze your accounts to find the best time each month to put extra money aside get alerts if your bills increase in price if there's unusual activity in your accounts if you're close to going over over budget, and even when you're doing a good job.

Rocket Money's 5 million members have saved a total of $500 million in canceled subscriptions, with members saving up to $740 a year when they use all of the app's premium features.

Wow.

Cancel your unwanted subscriptions and reach your financial goals faster with Rocket Money.

Go to rocketmoney.com/slash Doughboys today.

That's rocketmoney.com/slash Doughboys.

RocketMoney.com/slash Doughboys.

Eva, favorite holiday sort of sweet treat?

I like pie.

Oh, yeah.

But last year, I did like a fruitcake that took three months to make.

Because you have to bake it in October and then you have to keep it in a closet and you have to feed it brandy every week until Christmas.

That's wild.

And then you frost it and you seal it in.

And the recipe actually makes two like fruitcakes.

So one of them, then you keep it in the closet and indefinitely in the dark, you can just pull it back out in a year or longer, and you can eat the second one.

It has to be in a closet, it has to be in the dark, and it has to be sealed,

but it's sealed in this like hard frosting, so nothing should be actually protected.

But it's so heavy

from all the stuff in it that it's actually like a

15-pound dessert, like a 20-pound dessert dress.

Is it like dense?

You were gonna do that last year?

Unbelievably dense.

It's just like

dried fruit and nuts, and just like all this frosting, and all this like alcohol.

Dang.

Did you mean I was going to hide in a closet and douse myself with booze?

That's what I was saying.

I mean, Wagger's like, I'm going to go to your closet for like three months.

Can you just feed me brandy every day?

I was like, sure.

Just hand it through the door.

How did it come out?

It was actually really good.

Because fruitcake is like,

it's like, and for a while it was like with Brussels sprouts.

Now Brussels sprouts have obviously made a comeback, but like it was like paired as like, oh, fruitcake.

That's the bad holiday gift.

Oh, like a fruitcake from my mother-in-law.

It was like a bad 90s puncher.

Fruitcake.

Yeah, exactly.

Yeah, yeah, this was legitimately good, but it was also like weird and dense.

It was like a collapsed star.

Um, I gotta say this:

I would love to try that brandy fruitcake.

Your food is always good.

Here's the thing: I'm always happy to try it.

Hanford, we haven't been able to eat your food for the last few years.

I know.

Every year you watch me go, yeah, this is really good.

I think I was when was your last in-person mashoff 2019 or were you gone at that point 2000 uh i would have been gone probably 18.

wow two years of in hanford in person have you lived in new york for like five years yes since 2019 october 2019.

so we missed you for the that mash off you were over zoom yeah i was already here oh man

crazy well you're gonna come back for the mashoff next year i think it's we get next year you know the doughboys numbers will be up a little more we can maybe get a flight for me out there yeah we'll see.

Quick thing.

We just do it at LAX.

I'm the Delta Sky Club, bringers in recorder.

We've done it before.

Did you, are you like, do you, have you adjusted to life in New York City where you're just like, you know what, this is my home now?

Like, do you feel like that's the, that's where you want to be?

Um, yeah, I, I guess I'm pretty, um,

I've acclimated to New York pretty good.

Uh,

you said that you're good friends with the critic now, right?

Yeah, I'm always going by uh, his house and saying, Buy my book.

Yeah, I'm pretty acclimated, but the boy, oh boy, this city, Nick.

Yeah, the stories that it has.

I mean, I'm just, I'm an inch into the ocean of stories in this place.

It's a magical place.

Wow.

It's true what they say.

I'm serious.

He's trolling us again.

It's true what they say.

Hanford's a dick.

Well, we miss you.

We miss you.

Thank you.

I miss you.

Always good to see you.

So, this is, as I mentioned, is the sixth annual mashoff.

And because this is the third Thursday

of the month, that's how the calendar worked out.

I'm sorry, the third Tuesday of the month, that's how the calendar worked out.

This is our dose scored docision.

And so, we let you,

the dose score users, pick what we mashed off this year and Shifty sent in the pitch of Christmas cookies, which is where we're at.

Which almost seemed like a big.

And then we did choose it.

Yeah.

Dropking wrote out like a detailed, like three-page idea.

And then there was one idea that was just Christmas cookies.

And we chose Christmas cookies.

Sorry, Drop King.

But Drop King did provide some other context for this, which is that he has some pitches for the title.

He titles the Mashoff each year.

So I'm going to read all these and we can settle this live on the show.

All right, here we go.

These are all named after the sixth entry in a franchise.

Got it.

Mashoff 6, The Undiscovered Cookie.

This is after Star Trek.

It's pretty good.

Yeah.

Mashoff 6, Cookie Under Siege.

Okay.

That's a police academy.

Pretty good.

Mashoff 6, Revenge of the Spritz.

It's a Star Wars reference.

And Spritz is a popular Christmas cookie.

I'm not familiar with Spritz.

Got it.

Yeah, I think Spritz is more of a drink.

It's more about the shape.

It's like a little, like a kind of...

Little like a little meringue.

Ah, yeah, I know what you're talking about.

Isn't a Spritz Hanford?

You can,

sloppy boy.

You can answer that.

Like an Apple.

It's a Spritz.

Yeah, that's what I think.

Yeah, Spritz is a type of drink.

I've always thought of it that way.

Mashoff 6.

All right, so we won't do that.

That one's not going to win.

Mashoff Six, The Chompit, Battle of the Five Cookies.

This is a Hobbit reference.

I kind of like this one the most so far.

Yeah, it's pretty fun.

Hobbit into Chompit is fun.

There is only four cookies.

Well, that's the thing.

It says, he said, and assuming there's a fifth person participating, which is not the case.

So this may be a strike against it.

Hey, did that dog bring any cookies in?

The dog is the cookie.

I had a dollar for every time I heard you say that.

Hey, that dog got cookies over it.

All right.

Problematic property here, but this is a pretty good pun.

Mashoff 6, Mary Chomper and the Half-Fudge Binge.

It's a Harry Potter effort.

Oh, Harry Chomper.

Half-fudge binge.

Yeah.

Why is it Mary?

Because of Christmas.

Oh,

yeah.

Okay.

Okay.

Mary Chomper instead of Harry Potter.

Okay, yeah, no, that one's lost, too.

What's the next one?

And then there's also Mash Off 6, Cookie of the Year, and Mash Off 6, I Did It All for the Cookie.

I like Mash Off 6, The Chomp It, The Battle of the Five Cookies, especially because

there's only four.

Yeah, I think that's fun.

I think we do that one, yeah.

Yeah, that's good.

That's the winner.

All right, great.

That'll be the canonical title of this episode.

Good.

Thanks, guys.

Thanks for thanks for thanks for thanking for helping us figure that out there.

It's an important part of the episode.

You're welcome.

Thank you.

Yeah.

We need to eat my cookie first.

I just have to say.

Can I also, can we just start there?

And, you know, people are, you know, a lot of people are just listening to this, so we'll need a description of what you made exactly.

But

my first thing I was going to say, and not a criticism, to me, this is what you've prepared does not look like a cookie.

Okay, Nick.

Oh, say that right in front of me and my mother.

No, I'm just like.

It looks, I'm sure it's tasty.

I'm excited to eat it, but just like, like, to me, this looks like a bowl of stuff as opposed to a cookie.

Oh, does it?

So I just like some context for what we're going to have here.

Yeah, well, you didn't even let me explain what the fuck it was.

Well, that's why I just, I wanted to paint a picture for what we had in front of us for people.

Oh, now the listeners know it doesn't look like a cookie.

Thank you.

Hanford and Eva, this is a deconstructed

apple oatmeal cookie crumble.

It's deconstructed, that's why.

That's why.

That's why it looks like not a cookie.

It's deconstructed.

Is that what's in front of you right there?

That is what's in front of me right here.

It looks like the bowl.

Dog food.

It looks like Jemmy brought it.

But I brought a bowl for

everyone, and Casey and Emma included.

Must be confusing if you're like a contractor and you're working on a project where there's a building D and you're always saying D constructed.

If you're like, no, it's

we mean building D is being constructed.

Not saying Bush D.

Bush, bush, you said to take it down.

No, no, this is.

You guys have got to

read what's going on in the blueprints here.

We're building

Building D.

We're constructing it.

All right,

this actually looks quite toothsome.

Wonderful.

And it's got like a spoon.

What do you eat with a spoon?

Look at that.

Yeah, we're eating this with a spoon.

We've got kind of.

Oh, yeah, shoot, I should take a picture.

There's a gooey texture to it.

It's very moist, but there is a little bit of crunch on the edges.

And I'm seeing cookie in it.

Yeah, there is some cookie in there.

Send me a picture of that, Mitch.

I'll send you a picture of pictures of that thing looks like pieces of cookie.

Can you see it on the webcam there, Hanford, or is this too?

I think I want to, it's a little too far away.

I want to get a nice close-up there.

Having this be a little warm, probably better, but you know, it was a little warm when I started.

So now, how did you land on this specific concept for this cookie?

I googled Thanksgiving cookies, got it, which I never

have heard really seen or tried before.

Is it you might not see those too much because they're like they don't really exist thanks to your cookies.

No, you're 100% right.

That's also not the theme we agreed on.

No, that's also true, Eva.

I cannot believe how calm Jemmy is with me eating food right now.

Probably you're going to try

so unfood motivated.

No one tried.

Wow.

Like, I put her dinner down every night, and it takes me and Mike both trying to convince her that it's okay to go eat.

She just stares at it and stares at us.

I'm like, Are you sure that's for me?

And we have to tell her it's okay to go eat.

Wake me up when you're serving souffle.

Okay, Jimmy, okay.

Now, if you throw like a steak or something on a pan in the kitchen, she is right behind you in two seconds flat.

So it's very specific taste.

Yeah.

Which, can I just say, this is delicious?

Yeah.

It's really, really hard.

I'm thrilled by that.

My mom and and I, we went to Lazy Acres, right?

Is that what it was called?

The grocery store?

Lazy Acres.

I don't know.

What is it?

Is this like an artisan grocery store?

Yeah, it's kind of an artisan grocery store.

We're getting myself some.

I was getting some B12.

Fun.

Oh, so

it's like a health blaze?

It's kind of like

a fancy, it's like a kind of a fancy grocery store.

Whole Foods used to be?

Yeah, yes, yeah.

Yo, no, you know where it is?

It's where

it's right at Western.

You know, like Western, where it goes up to Griffith Park Boulevard there?

Yes.

It's that way where my dry cleaner used to be.

I guess it doesn't help you imagine where it is.

Oh, snelping anyone to hyper-specific.

Across the street from the Petco.

Right.

Across the street from

Baskin-Robbins on Western.

Oh, that's a new place.

It's new.

That's new.

Yeah.

So it is.

It's a

right-aid.

It's a fancy spot.

I wanted to get something that worked if it's both a Christmas cookie and a Thanksgiving cookie.

What were you doing with that dry cleaner?

A lot of stuff you're getting dry cleaned?

I had the same question.

I was like,

what?

What are you getting the Linda Tripp special?

I think of dry cleaning for menswear.

Seriously, Mrs.

Mitchell.

Like suits or something, or like nice business shirts, but you're not a guy who normally dresses that.

Oh, yeah, I was getting my Celtics jersey pressed.

What the hell?

I'm just curious.

I dress up occasionally.

Okay, so it was situationally for when you had to dress up.

Yeah.

Got it, got it.

Oh, no.

I've seen them.

That's true.

I'll honestly tell you where I want them the most is for what's going on.

I was about to say, I'd be wearing a suit every week.

I'd wear a suit for what's going on.

So that would always be, that would be

what I would go there for the most.

And you were nervous.

You probably would sweat and

sweat in it a lot.

Or they'd make you roll in pudding or something.

Right.

Surprise we haven't done this for Doughboys yet, where I roll in pudding.

But

so that's that area there.

That that dry cleaner is now Lazy Eggers.

We got my B12, we got everything that we needed,

uh, including uh uh some muffin pans and some cooling racks.

Uh, we got

of a joke, and you say we uh we got my B12 again, we got my B12, you sunk my battleship

a little soccer ball right now, going

B12?

We got my B12.

We got some muffin pans, some cooling racks.

We actually got a pint of milk.

I said, we put this all in the Doughboy card.

She said, is that against the rules?

I said, it doesn't matter.

Let's just use the Doughboys card.

We used the Doughboys card.

We got out of there.

We went and saw the holdovers

at the Alamo draft house downtown.

Is it good?

We had fun, right?

I think we, yeah, we both liked it.

It was fun.

That's great.

We got back at about 9:30 p.m.

We started on this recipe.

And

they were in a muffin tin, and

I could never get them out of the muffin tin in the shape of cookies.

They're supposed to be cookies.

Oh, they're supposed to be cookies.

They were supposed to be constructed.

Got it.

That's how these are deconstructed.

Oh, I had to lie to you immediately.

My mom told me to be confident and just go with it.

So it's her fault.

She's the one who's lying to all of them.

No, I think it's the right move because this tastes great.

And so the idea of it is that it's these cookies that hold kind of, I'll show you the recipe.

They hold a shape.

Yeah, they look like kind of little mini messies.

The issue, the mini pies.

The issue was,

and look, I like to challenge myself for the mashoff.

I wanted it to work.

We probably should have put in two different pie tins at different times, but it was already late.

They just weren't, they weren't, they weren't coming out of the tins.

it said 18 to 20 minutes we cooked it 20 minutes and then

Probably had to cook it total 20 more minutes to make it what it was so damn they were they were they were they were undercooked a bunch and I don't know if it was my oven or yeah or the you know it's this is the thing because I bake so rarely and I think Mrs.

Mitchell was saying your uh your mom was saying that that it's like it's like a a recipe thing right but like the first time you try a recipe there's always something that goes a little haywire that certainly happened with mine which we'll talk about in a second so it always feels like you need that first, that first go to like kind of work out the kinks and figure out like, oh, this, this thing stuck to the muffin pan.

Well, how am I going to salvage this?

I felt good in that the tastes are there.

So like if this, if this had worked out and it was a cohesive cookie,

I would have been happy with it for the, for the tastes.

Delicious, though.

Thank you.

See, I kind of like this for like a holiday, because you could totally just like scoop.

some ice cream on top of that exactly and like make it to the big bowl of deliciousness.

Yeah.

That was my mom's idea actually was to put some vanilla ice cream on there.

But that felt even further away from a cookie.

But cookies and ice cream work.

This is, so it's called an apple crisp, sorry, apple crisp cookie cups.

Oh, yeah, okay, I see.

So, so that's, and I can probably

have a shape.

That's what it's supposed to look

like.

Beautiful.

That's what it's supposed to look like.

And it's truly like a cupcake minus pie, which is something you used to talk about a lot.

That's okay.

That is, yes.

Also, yes, cookies are pie in this.

Cupcake.

I don't know.

Cookies are pie on Thanksgiving.

But yeah,

there were some complications there.

But basically, you have to make

the base with oatmeal and

butter and sugar,

and then you make

the apple pie filling, and then you drizzle it with caramel sauce.

Wow.

Beautiful.

You mentioned the holdovers.

And maybe we'll edit this out if this upsets people.

This is a delish recipe, by the way.

But go on.

Director Alexander Payne, do you remember like Rose McGowan had an allegation about him a few years ago, but she said in the allegation, like that he was very well endowed?

I guess is proof.

What?

That Rose McGowan said that, like, he was like, he was a creep to her when she was 15 and then and included the detail, you are very well endowed.

It's got to be a weird thing if you're reading that to be like, God, fuck, I'm canceled, but everyone knows I got a big hug.

Thank you, ma'am.

And I am sorry.

Yeah.

That's right.

That's my mom and I remember that right before we went to a different movie.

We didn't go to the homeover.

I was in a

San Inez Valley last weekend, and they still are dining out on Sideways every single place you go.

They're like, One little thing from Sideways filmed here, right?

And it's like, it's been so long since that movie came out, but they're like, hey, the bartender here is like the guy from Sideways.

Oh, okay.

Wow, that's that guy.

I'm thinking of the guy.

And if that's the guy, that's kind of cool that you can go to a bar and

see the guy.

Well, it's at Hitching Post.

Didn't you guys do a Birthday Boy show there?

You guys did, right?

We were in

Hitching Post?

Yeah, weren't they?

Didn't you?

Or somewhere nearby?

Oh, this is in Solving.

Yeah, when they were trying to get it, okay.

We were like right nearby.

The Ultimate Comedy Bash.

This was a UCB initiative.

The most confused audience I've ever seen in my entire life.

Do you remember this, Hanford?

They were trying to make Solving into the new comedy mecha, the new Don't Close Air Star or something.

Wild.

If it kept going, maybe, but it was just that one year.

Yeah, no, I did go to that.

It was like a hard place to get to.

There was not a lot of people there.

And

we did ropes and underwear in that bar, remember?

Yeah, it was a big bar.

You should have been arrested.

Yeah.

The people there were like, there were some people who were not happy we did.

Were you totally naked in the bar?

Well, there was like a stage.

There was a stage room next to the bar, right?

Yes, there was like, there were like cowboy, there were like cowboy doors that went into a bar.

Yeah.

Where like most of the people were in.

Right.

And then like people would kind of poke their heads into what we were doing and go, no, thanks.

Yep.

Well, there was an added layer of because you like kind of wanted to give it some context for the settings.

So you told everyone beforehand, like, just so you know, this is happening at the same time that Thomas Hayden Church is on a date with Sandra.

Oh.

Like, no, this is kind of just happening in the background.

And I think people were just kind of like looking around to see if they were there.

Kind of confused by the setup.

For people who don't know, this is a sketch that ends with for like two full minutes of Mitch and Hanford fully nude.

Yeah.

We did cover in our show, Mom.

It's from the pilot of our, of, of Birthday Boys, yeah.

Yeah.

IFC series.

Live.

Live, it's a different experience.

Yeah, live, it's

a lot of juggling of

crack and junk.

Yeah.

And also, we were doing it like in front of what I think were real cowboys.

I couldn't tell, like, they seemed like real deal,

real-life cowboys in many ways.

Were they they hurting cows?

Guys, I just got a little warning on my computer that says, I'm out of space, so my video stopped, but I got to clear some space off this thing, I think.

Oh, boy.

Okay, well,

I would save that video.

You got any old screenplays you can delete?

Yeah, all my screenplays are like a thousand pages.

Max Landis?

What are you getting on that laptop there?

Why are you running on that?

I bet it's all like

Loppy Boys stuff.

Oh, sure.

That'll happen.

Those audio files.

Audio.

Hard drive space.

Yeah.

Boy, I've been there before.

Constantly dumping files.

Yeah.

You got to, you know, what's nice?

I don't know if you're using the Dropbox or the Sloppy Boys, but what I've found is that you can use the Dropbox setting to store it on the cloud.

And so it's not stored on your laptop.

None of my audio

is stored locally anymore for Doughboys after

that's smart.

Same.

All right.

Give me a second here.

We'll figure it out.

Think about that cloud that the Doughboys audio is like that green, gross cloud.

Stench cloud.

This is good, Mitch.

You like it?

Yeah, I think

you're upset because it didn't come out the way you wanted it to, but I think overall, this is a very delectable dessert.

I'm not going to eat this whole thing, and I can't stop it.

I'm trying to stop eating it.

That's good.

I had to put it to the side so I wouldn't be looking at it.

What I really like, and I don't know if

this is a byproduct of it sticking, or if this is like, it's intended to have this this texture but you've got like this these crunchier sections that's how it is with the mush the the the crunchier sections are supposed to exist it's just the the issue was is that the crunchy sides were there and then the bottom was just sticking and we you know we put in the we sprayed it with the spray ma do you have anything to say on this but you're right about the um the top of it it was crunchy that was yeah

the top of the cup yeah and that was coming that was coming off a lot when we were trying to get them out of the and we also had to like recook it like you know, we put it back in the oven five times, maybe, I think, over the course of.

It's tough to get your oven temperature right.

I was reading, like, so we, so we reviewed it.

It was so far off.

Like the rest of it, like, for me, it was so far off.

I don't know my oven is not calibrated correctly or whatever.

You know, you can get a little thermometer to put in your oven, like on Amazon, and then you can check and see if it's actually the temperature it says it is.

Do you use a baking scale?

No, my stepdaughter does, though, because she makes like macaron.

Yeah.

But I don't.

Because I was like, okay, so we reviewed, like in the, in the very recent memory, we reviewed Milk Bar.

And so I was looking at some of the Milk Bar that Christina Tosi, I believe, is the baker, like some of her things.

And like, she's a, she's very much like a low oven temperature baker, like 275, like super low for longer for whatever reason.

But also like, I saw a lot of tips about like using a kitchen scale, which I'm just like, I don't bake enough to invest in a kitchen scale, but I understand that since, you know, it's a science, not an art, you're trying to get the proportions exactly right.

And the individual variants for measuring cups may mess up, you know, or how things or ingredients are packed in there could mess up your proportions.

Yeah, and if you're trying to make things as uniform as someplace like Milk Bar, too, right, right, things like perfection.

What do you think of Milk Bar?

Well, we should say you made the crack pie one here, it was delicious, which is actually maybe one of her easier recipes.

Some of her stuff's like really complicated.

I like, I like milk bar, I like milk bar like once a year.

That's what it seems like.

Yeah, that seems about the right rate, super sweet, but it's it's good, it's good stuff.

How are you doing with the hard drive there, Hanford?

I'm doing great.

I'm just uh saving this, it's taking a a second to save, but I deleted a whole bunch of shit.

Wow.

What's the most embarrassing thing you deleted?

I had some

fully clothed pictures of Mitch, but they were just,

he was blinking and all of them.

All right.

New movie recording for the Hanman.

Was this part of the episode here?

I think we can keep this in.

Yeah.

Okay, I'm in.

I'm in.

He's back.

He's back.

Wow.

Thanks for debugging that in real time.

Any other thoughts on this cookie?

No, you know,

I wish it had come out the way I want.

It would be great to have had at least one.

That's what we were banking on.

We were like, maybe we can get four because we had about almost 20 of them.

Yeah.

And so we're like, maybe we can get four of them that will, you know, will work out or five of them, you know, for however many people

I realized in the end it was, it was, you know, five of us, and we couldn't get five.

We couldn't even get one, actually.

We got one that was scooped out and then it fell apart on the plate um

but i want to try it again if you do it again can i make a suggestion yes please little muffin wrappers that'll

you and my mom are on the same exact page that's that's exactly what that's what we we we probably should have should love pulling those muffin wrappers off too how fun is that yeah if you do it again so is the picture i will i will i'm gonna i'm gonna i am gonna attempt it again it was it actually wasn't the hard i think the pie when i made the the apple cranberry pie was actually more difficult but it wasn't not with the she my mom very much gets credit here because we were made it together but uh but it was it was it was still kind of a lot of work i would say no bitch you should i mean from 9 30 till about 1 a.m

really

yeah probably holy shit you you make uh you've had you make good bar pizza you make good you had a dip one time i was at your house you need chicken dip or something oh yeah the buffalo chicken dip i can follow a recipe but and we followed this one and and uh but I'm happy that it still tastes good.

This worked out great.

I'm happy about it.

You did.

You are great at making a bar pizza.

And yes, that pie you made when we were making pies, that was a delicious pie.

I got to make that one again this year.

Speaking of pies, and this is now embarrassingly two bash-offs ago, but Eva, you delivered your pie to me,

and I forgot I never returned the pie tin.

Oh, my God.

I have that back today.

That's awesome.

And I'm using that to store my cookies.

I love that.

What I made are,

and I have this little piece of bread for freshness.

I'm going to keep this away from Jemmy because this is chocolate.

So, Jemmy,

she won't try to eat it.

You woke her up.

Yeah, now she's like,

I'm going to yell in your ear and tell you not to eat this chocolate.

These are red velvet cookies

with chocolate chips.

And I saw.

why did you have a piece of bread?

To keep them fresh.

You keep them fresh.

Oh, is that a thing that happens?

Yeah.

But it's funny because one is attached to it and then Jemmy is interested in the bread.

She does the bread.

Is it a moisture keeps them soft?

Is that

they're like a little bit less stale.

I never knew that.

That's wild.

That's cool.

Yeah, it's an old grandma trick.

So these are, here's the thing.

Here are my issues with this.

First off,

I wanted to make these and the recipe called for white chocolate chips.

I don't like white chocolate.

so i i migrated to semi-soft uh dark chocolate chunks the issue is i've never worked with dark chocolate chunks before and they were a little bit hard to mix in here so you'll see they're kind of like some of them are kind of just like scattered on top more so than than baked in and there are m m's in there the other thing is i was like i wanted these to feel a little bit more christmassy outside of the red hue so i thought i'd try to get some green in there the problem is i couldn't find any green baking minems so i just had to buy a regular ass bag of regular min m's and i was like there should be plenty of greens in here it's like a quarter cup worth of of green MMs.

I needed like a half cup to a cup and I had like barely enough to just sort of dot throughout here.

So it's, it's a part three MM count.

Like this one has two MMs and this one is like one of the more heavily MM'd of them.

So it's kind of a ball.

I'm also picturing a Natalie just sitting in a house filled with other colored MMs right now.

Like a ball pit.

The other thing is, this is the third issue.

This dough was really hard to work with, and I should have chilled it.

And I was like kind of making this in a little bit of a rush like you that I just like didn't take the time.

I should have just put this in the fridge for a couple hours, let it sit there.

Because when I waited, I made them in two batches.

You can kind of tell the difference between the first batch ones, which are like kind of these malformed orbs, and the second batch, which are much more uniform.

Because by the time the batch had like kind of

the dough had solidified a little bit, they were a lot easier to roll out and make into little balls of the baking sheet.

That said, these are my red velvet chocolate chunk and MM cookies.

Wow.

Nice.

I'll distro these this way.

You have to to take one?

Oh, yeah.

Now, is red velvet, I know it's a thing, but, and it used to be like huge.

Remember, everything was like red velvet?

Yeah,

there was a big red velvet trend.

Yeah.

Is there a different taste?

Take one.

Is it red velvet or is it just like a look?

No, it has a little bit of a taste because I think it's of the buttermilk that's involved.

Yeah.

Ah, yes.

Because it's like a chemical reaction.

For the longest time, I thought it was food coloring that makes it red.

And some of the recipes do call for food coloring, but no, it is a chemical reaction.

The baking soda, I think, working with the butter, or the the cocoa powder working with the buttermilk that caused it to have a red hue these are nice nicks these are really nice

yeah the texture i think is a little cakey too

which should good

i think you made the right choice of going with dark chocolate over yeah exactly i think white chocolate would have been overpowering

Yeah, I think the I think white chocolate is a lot of times used as like, oh, well, they have cream cheese icing.

So like cream cheese frosting.

So, like, okay, we'll have a, we'll throw a white chocolate in there, but it's like, it's not really the same flavor profile, it's its own thing.

I don't know, white chocolate, I'm never into it.

You know what?

Yeah, I'm not, I don't like it.

I think the MMs are a great idea because it's a nice little crunch as well.

Yeah, I needed more MMs.

That's why, if I could do it over again, I would chill the dough and put in like twice as many MMs.

Oh, you do.

Great job.

Yeah, really nice.

Thanks, buddy.

I love the texture though.

Yeah.

Good cakey texture.

Actually, yeah, yeah, I just got my MMs bike and it was.

That's what it needed.

It honestly, maybe not even the chocolate chunks.

Maybe if I just made them with MMs.

Oh, well.

I think you can get baking

colors at Michael's.

I should have gone to like a specialty store.

Or just like the Michaels in Unsaute

has them, I think.

Oh, yeah?

I will say, if you came in with just a bowl of green MMs, you would get disqualified, just so you know.

Was that what you were trying?

I think they're very tasty, Nick.

I think you did a great job.

Thanks, buddy.

Yeah, really nice.

How do you feel?

Do you feel good?

Well, you know,

say those green MMs make you horny.

Totally horned up.

Oh, no.

Natalie sinks into the M ⁇ M pile.

The other thing I did at the grocery store is I used the Dillboys card

to buy some seasonal red napkins.

Because there's one thing the Headcom Studio is always lacking.

It is paper products.

So if anyone has a bunch of people,

I'll take a napkin.

Thank you.

There you go.

I know that I bought pie tins

and cooling racks and milk,

but these red napkins are over the top.

I just, I think it's weird that you bought vitamins.

And you admitted to it.

I don't know.

Do the advertisers, do you have like, Are Athletic Greens going to be mad?

Yeah, Athletic Greens is fuming.

Athletic Greens are going to be pissed off.

Though they probably do like the green MM, so I think that is probably, I think we probably want them back a little bit.

That's a new brand synergy.

Let's buy some more spots.

Cook carried from a 60 second to a 90 second.

Oh, Jesus.

Battery comes in at seven minutes.

I think you did a great job.

Yeah, lovely.

The dog woke up.

Congrats, Nick.

Thanks, Sanford.

When you guys bake, Eva, you know your way around the kitchen, but do you get a little nervous about it like when we said cookies I was like oof this could go either way These could be good

on one ass cheek the whole time and it's same thing with the fucking with the pies we had to do if you because it's not my normal my comfort zone.

I cook in I cook in like saute pans and and cast iron skillets in the oven like all the time.

I'm doing that shit all the time

You can keep going with those like you can keep going.

Yeah.

My thing with cookies is they come out not done all the way.

Exactly.

You can make a mistake.

You can correct on the fly.

You know, you can adjust the seasoning.

It's it's it's so much easier, so much more margin for error.

And also just so much flexibility because like a baking, if you bake something wrong, it can just like not work.

It can just like completely collapse.

Yeah, we ran into that.

I think that

when we when we were discussing what to do,

I thought cookies seemed easiest.

And then when we were, I mean, I, I picked, you know, I picked one that was, that was difficult too, but then I, after doing it, it's like, cookies are difficult.

All of them are, they're not easy.

They're not easy to do.

Yeah.

And

if I had known that, I'm like, oh, like doing a stuff

is easier than making some cookies.

Making cookies is a pain in the ass.

All right.

Looks like the next thing we're going to be tasting is a Jemmy's Paw.

Oh, no.

Wait on that.

Can I say earlier in the podcast, there was a moment where Mitch or Eva was talking and Jemmy kind of shifted.

And Weiger,

you looked exactly like the T-1000 when he comes into the world, just kind of like,

what is this?

What is this carbon-based organism?

It was just the weirdest.

I was so disconcerting.

She looked like she was about to make a point, is the thing.

She sort of sat up.

You got something to say.

I've never seen a dog get weirded out with an attraction more than Jemmy has with wives.

Playing cool.

Are you okay, buddy?

Hamford, should we want to want to want to go?

Eva, do you want to go next or who wants to go next, I guess, Hanford or Eva?

Well,

you know, this is usually where the host steps in.

All right, Hamford, you're up.

Let's see.

We can't actually taste yours.

So let's.

I made something.

Now, I also use some M ⁇ Ms, Wager.

I use many M ⁇ Ms of mine.

Now, I was excited to do this because I had a, I've been wanting to make these for a while,

peanut butter cookies, you know,

where you put the fork down in.

Oh, yeah.

And I just used like a whatever, Betty Crocker mix or whatever.

And I did peanut butter cookies with mini MMs.

Oh, how fun.

Wow, that's fun.

Those look fun.

They're not burned on the bottom.

They're not burning.

No, not at all.

Oh!

Oh, that's good.

That really is.

You get to eat them.

That's great.

I believe you.

And check this out.

It made more cookies than that, but

I did a super cookie.

Oh, my God.

Look at that.

It's a pancake-sized fucking flapjack cookie.

Are you going to take those to work?

I might take them to work, but I might be a little selfish.

Yes, I'll be eating all 36 of these this weekend.

That's awesome.

Yes, I should bring those to work because I don't want them in my home.

I like it because it's also very Christmassy.

Yes.

Yeah, I was, I went for, I wanted to go for um

uh, like the Christmas-colored MMs, but I couldn't find them yet.

That uh, that big cookie, if you if you leave that out for Santa, is it's gonna weigh down his sleigh, he's gonna crash.

Are you dunking that bad boy?

I am dunking that bad boy, and guess what?

I got some milk the other day.

I was ordering milk online when I was sick.

Let me start that again.

So, you're

you got sick and you thought to order a big batch of milk, like, all right, I gotta get some milk.

I gotta loosen up all this phlegm.

I ordered a bunch of stuff, mostly like Gatorade and soup and stuff like that.

But also, I needed milk, so I got, and the website suggested it was like, try almond milk.

So I did almond milk, and it is disgusting.

Oh, you're dipping the cookie in almond milk?

I honestly thought when you first said it, that you said you said gin.

I thought for some reason that you said gin.

That is pretty funny.

I want you to dip.

You probably have a nice bar because of sloppy boys.

Yeah.

I want you you to dip the cookie in hard alcohol.

Total is what it tastes like.

It's probably as good as wine.

How about a big port wine?

Yeah.

Can you grab that big cookie and hold it up again?

Do you mind doing that?

Sure.

Just to get a look at that, bad boy.

This isn't like a creepy fetish thing, is it, Nick?

No, no, no, no.

I just want to see how big that guy is.

He wants you to show the dog.

No, I was going to say that big cookie.

Forever.

Yeah, big.

Certainly bigger than your iPhone.

But I can text on this cookie, which is weird.

It's a good waste of time.

No, that was great.

What I'm going to say is a waste of time, which is that I feel like big cookie would have been like the premise of a birthday boy sketch in like 2009.

Yeah, you're right.

Birthday boy sucks.

Forgotten.

Is it someone who brings a big cookie to a party?

Exactly, yeah.

Okay.

Or it's like a potluck and someone brought one big big cookie i thought you were saying like like big cookie like big tobacco or something like that that's also good that's maybe that maybe has more legs yeah that's maybe a birthday boys tv show uh

uh uh some stupid wraparound premise that uh hamford that that that big cookie are what's your plan are you are you gonna eat it yourself or are you gonna what are you what are you gonna do I'm gonna see some friends tomorrow night.

We're gonna go over to their house and hang out.

So maybe I'll bring, actually, that's where I'll bring these cookies.

Not all of the so many of them.

Yeah.

But the big one I'll show off to my friends.

My New York friends.

Like the little wedges and then like serve it like a little pizza.

Yeah, I'll do the thing where I cut a little tiny slice and then leave the slice and take the whole thing.

And my friends will say, oh, that's so funny.

I'll say, I'm not joking, bitch.

Hammer, I just want to quickly check.

The friend's house you're going over to, it's not Shaq, right?

Because if you're hyping up this big cookie, to him, it might just seem very normal size.

Right, yeah.

He'll be like, oh, you serve tiny cookies i said check

oh no the dog heard about the wedge of cookie that'll do it

well hammer those look very nice and by the way cookies can be sent through the mail just so you know you can chip those nationwide

postal regulations against that

do you like is that is that like a top like a top combo for you chocolate and pb yeah oh yeah my my like favorite

chocolate candy is uh Reese's.

Yeah,

it was the other way, but also peanut butter cookies.

I love, and I like when people do like the whole Hershey kiss right in the middle,

which I was gonna do.

He contemplated those cookies, the peanut butter ones with the chocolate kiss in the center.

What are those called?

I forget, thumb princh cookies.

Oh, yeah, yeah,

Jimmy's posture right now just looks depressed.

You're right, she's just

cookies.

She's been listening to 55 minutes of Doughboys.

She's just readjusting.

I feel like QB.

Is there a lot of traffic outside?

Jemmy, Jemmy, don't go out there.

A Sour McLaughlin PSA just about animals being around when Doughboys is on.

In the office.

All right, Eva.

What do you got?

Okay.

I have a,

also has peanuts in it.

Ooh.

A spiced peanut shortbread.

Whoa.

Spiced peanuts.

Yes.

I'm sorry.

I went took a bite of my dessert and you reached over to get the cookies.

I didn't help, and my mom yelled at me at the same time.

Here you go.

Look at the dart here.

These have a fun form factor to them.

I take a couple of these because

they're tiny.

Wow.

I'm going to take a couple too.

shortbread you said these are shortbread yeah i'm holding this up to camera it's can you take one of you it's got like a

bunch earlier

uh it's they're they're smaller discs and they are they're kind of like ringed with some sort of uh i mean what what is this on the outside it's peanuts okay gotcha sugar salt and black pepper salt

Now

these look so professional.

They look like this could, I could have opened up a bag of cookies.

Yeah, this looks like pepper yeah those look pretty uniform that's great this is a cookbook author Molly Baz and it's her new cookbook more is more had these cookies in it so this is this is interesting because this is the kind of thing that sounds like it would be a vintage recipe oh yeah no it's a new one it just her cookbook just came out this week I'm gonna take a bite these are wild and they're fantastic they're they're uh yeah I love this this is great this is so good this is great um

I love shortbread cookies they're one of my colleagues I like shortbread too yeah

they're very different and like I've never, I've really never, the black pepper, I've never tasted anything like it.

It's great.

Thank you.

It's black pepper and cardamom are the only spices.

What, Mike?

Eva, you, you come up, like the recipes that you bring in here, the food you bring in here usually is like pretty

unique and like different, like with different spices and stuff.

Do you, do you think of it first and go, oh, let me see if I can find this type of thing?

Or do you find the thing and say, oh, this would be good for,

I just like dig around at different stuff.

And also, there's stuff like that's too too complicated or has stuff I don't want to mess with, like weird gel food coloring and stuff.

I was looking at like different sort of very elaborate gingerbread cookies, and I was like, I'm not making that.

But these popped up, and I thought they looked really nice.

And I never tasted like cookies with black pepper in them.

I love the black pepper.

And I was going to say, like, what I really like is how salty these are.

I mean, I'm a huge salt and sweet salt and sweet together guy.

Yeah, this really comes together nicely.

Great texture to it, too.

Because it's like, it's sometimes you get these and they're they're dry guys, but this this has like a the you know the right amount of moisture to it.

Well, they have a lot of peanuts in the dough too.

So they're kind of got a peanut base.

You've been a salt and sweet guy since the Snicker and Mountain Dew days.

These are fantastic.

Once again, really good.

I mean, we joke about it every year, but you do win every year.

You always do such a great job.

There's a reason you back cleanup.

I did enter shortbread at the county fair this year.

Wow.

Oh, well, did you get any?

Did you win?

I got

second.

Nice.

Second or third.

Second.

I think it's red.

I got red ribbon, but in sugar cookies.

They collapsed my category into all different types of sugar cookies.

So I got second in sugar cookies, even though I entered shortbread in the shortbread category.

Wow.

You guys remember when the birthday boys did, we would do a sketch every once in a while where it was like

old ladies giving away Halloween candy?

Oh yeah, yeah.

Oh yeah, yeah.

I remember.

Well, I, I, you remember that?

I, my

old lady character gave away, I think, weird cookies was the thing.

And so I would, I would bake cookies for the show and put them in little bags, like little tiny cookies and throw them out to the audience.

Weird cookies.

But I would, I would make it right.

I would make them with, I would just get like a mix, like a sugar cookie mix, but instead of sugar, I would use salt.

Oh, no.

So there was like an extra little joke for the people that caught them and ate them.

And I'd look out and they'd be like,

you're pranking.

I never knew that.

That's really funny.

You're just pranking your own audience.

Well, just get, just get a little if you if you happen to get one, you get a little fun little add-on.

That's really great.

Wow.

Did you play an old man in that sketch, or were you an old lady that just and you just talked with an old man voice?

I was the old lady, but I talked with like the other old man voice I did.

Yeah.

You know that old man.

I when I did that sketch about

wow, what was it?

An old man.

That was great.

This is great.

I loved it.

Fantastic.

Guys, I was excited that it came together.

Is there an off-color Christmas joke that Mrs.

Claus would make about Santa that's kind of like,

he's like, oh, I hope they leave some Christmas cookies out for you, for me this year.

And she's like, yeah, they should leave out some shortbread cookies.

Like he's got a small dick.

I'm going to think it was doing that, like, about it's

it's like he, it's always, he thinks it's the North Pole gives him an excuse or something that it's cold.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, it's the North Pole.

I think that there are, I'm sure that,

I mean, there are definitely off-color Santa Joe's.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And I'm sure that maybe the one you said is in there.

So

it's like

more like an area to like explore, you know, I'm not saying it's fully formed.

We could explore.

We could write a joke book of off-color santa jokes yeah 101 off-color santa jokes i think we could do that sell it 101

yeah and it's stalking stuffer eight pages

uh is the element no i was laughing because 101 is just such a funny like scholastic books thing

1001 or whatever yeah

i i feel like there's also a way to go with with just writing a christmas movie like as a scary movie.

And it's just got all the Christmas jokes you want to throw in there.

I mean, that the Jack Frost,

there's that Jack Frost scary movie, right?

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Where he is and he, the snowman comes to life.

Snowman comes to life and then he's like horny and he's a killer.

And he moves his carrot nose.

He moves his carrot.

Yeah, he moves his carrot to his.

It's like a, it's, it's

just makes it use it.

The sacks track is over so they you know what they can start production on a new one, Jack Frost.

But the thing that's always that's always wild is that there's like Jack Frost, they both have the same title.

There's Jack Frost the Slasher movie, and then there's also Jack Frost, the Michael Keat

movie movie where the dad dies and then comes back as a snowman.

And they came out around the same time.

They're completely different.

Written, directed by.

Oh my god.

Is it really?

Our former boss, yeah.

Troy Mellon.

Troy's wild.

A very one of our favorite old co-workers.

That like also put Michael Keaton's career on ice for like almost a decade.

Yeah, it's weird to think that he had like a comeback at a certain point, which I think was maybe the other guys.

Was that it?

Where they're like, oh, Michael Keaton's in.

He's really funny.

But they're like, yeah, he had to just go away for a while.

Actor jail.

So weird because Troy Miller is such like a sane man.

His good work.

It's weird that

it's weird to have such a crazy flop like that.

I know.

This is paywall, right?

I mean, he's like, I just pay.

He's so into like, you know, like directing and stuff that he would like watch videos on the highway while I was driving a van full of people.

So I don't understand.

It's weird to me that he could ever make a flop like that.

Yeah.

Yeah, good things is paywall.

He'll try to sue us.

Anyways,

another successful mashup.

Another successful mash.

I was just thinking there could be another set like Mrs.

Claw's joke where she like

holds up a candy cane and is like, the girth looks familiar.

Oh, my God.

So do the stripes.

Dear lord.

So does the curve?

You know, I'm sensitive about my Peronius.

Is Pierogi's?

Is it Peroni's disease?

Oh, yeah, right, right, right.

I've seen the carrot commercial.

Anyways, I'm not going to get involved with this.

My mother's here.

I can't get involved with this.

I apologize to this bitch over making up.

I'm not talking about this.

I apologize, too.

Apologize to the dog, too.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

We're eating chocolate right next to you.

Oh, she forgives you.

I'm sorry that I looked at you weird when you sat up.

You're a good dog.

You're a very good dog.

And it's really nice that

you're licking my forearm.

You're as sweet as those cookies.

Well, hey, I guess that'll wrap up the sixth annual Mash Off.

Mash Off 6, the Chumpet, the Battle of the Five Cookies.

It was only four cookies, and you know what?

I think everyone won.

Eva Hanford, anything you'd like to plug?

We'll start with you.

Yes, I have an immersive show in LA the week after Thanksgiving.

That's coming right up.

It'll be like next week.

It'll be in a few.

It'll, if you're you're wishing it's on Thursday, it'll be the week after.

So, yeah,

November 30th through December 3rd.

The website to get tickets is theshapeofthenight.com.

It's got a really fun bunch of people in it.

Mike Cassidy is in it.

It's in Korea Town in Los Angeles.

Come check it out.

Give us a URL one more time.

The shape of the night.

The shapeofthenight.com.com.

We'll put that in the sub description too.

And nightmares.

There you go.

What, what, uh, oh, okay.

I was going to say, what's like the tagline?

Okay.

It's a trippy dream.

It's a trippy dream party with a bunch of people.

You do some good work.

Those are the shows I've been to that you've put together are great.

Oh, thank you.

At any point, as an audience member, put on a gurney and called a stupid bitch.

I mean, it's the whole show.

It's just us, guys.

You get to watch me be in that show.

And that's the whole show because that's all I ever dream about anymore.

You're stupid bitch.

I did want to check that out after you talk about it.

It's insane.

Hanford, any plugs?

Oh, yes.

The Sloppy Boys.

Watch the two.

Listen to the Sloppy Boys podcast and the albums.

And also the NFL.

I'm not doing anything with them, but it's a wild season out there.

Oh, I have one more plug.

The morning show on Apple.

I'm not involved in it, but this last season, Rhys Witherspoon's character was involved in January 6th

and got shot into space in a rocket.

Everyone should be watching the show.

It's incredible.

That rocks.

We got to watch that.

Wow.

I don't know if you got to record it.

Oh, it's great.

Tig Nataro is like an evil, like conniving, bad guy.

It's crazy.

Anyway, watch it.

We got to watch that.

Yeah.

I want to say that the fifth cookie is the friendship uh that we've all had.

Oh, yeah, how about that?

And Mitch, you know, with the SAG After Strikes Resolution, you made a joke earlier, but you should plug uh your show that I'm gonna be very proud of.

Um,

I thought you wanted me to genuinely plug Sound of Freedom.

Twisted Metal, check out just Twisted Metal.

I watched the whole season, you're so good at it.

Thank you, yeah, great, Mitch.

Twisted Metal Month came to a quick end for us.

We recorded two episodes, uh, even before the strike was even uh one before the strike was even thought of, and then uh, the other one when it felt like it was coming on.

But it's on Peacock for people who haven't checked it out.

You can

sign up for a free subscription for Peacock to watch the show, and you can binge it.

And

Mitch shows up in

the second episode.

So stick with it through the pilot and check out Mitch in episodes two and three and beyond.

Thank you, Wyx.

It's very good.

You probably don't know about a season two yet.

Do you?

I do not.

No, I don't know anything yet.

But say, if you did, I'm sure they're squawking down at Peacock about it.

I think they

probably have to bring the show back who do we but we need to cut one person

everyone's like sweet

the most recognizable iconic thing all right

check it out check check the show and hey check out uh the the the the tonight show that handford's worth

every night hey you know i've been on a couple we we put a uh i did a video for them it was really fun my mom and sisters my sister sent it to

the family text chain with me and my mom.

Really?

Oh, nice.

Oh.

There you go.

She sends a lot of, she sends TikToks and stuff.

It's getting annoying.

Wait, was that your Comic-Con video?

There was that, and then one I did where I talked to people leaving The Exorcist.

Oh, I got to watch it.

It was great.

I forgot to get posted on my Graham.

Thank you.

Your fashion video was like one of my favorite things of the strike.

I love it so much.

Thanks.

It was really funny walking around Soho and like looking at signs and yelling and people like cool, like hip people looking at me.

Don't have a camera crew with you.

I can hip in my world.

Your world.

And I'll come back for cookies.

Hey, get some tricycles.

Treat yourself.

You deserve a cookie.

Don't

find these cookies, folks.

They're good.

Yeah.

Don't feel guilty for having a cookie.

You deserve a cookie.

I agree.

Have a cookie.

It's fine.

You don't feel bad about it.

We'll link to your have a cookie.

Just have a cookie.

We'll link to everyone's recipes, too.

I think we can send those out.

Yeah, we can circulate that.

Have a cookie.

Have a cookie.

And hey, have a cookie.

Have a cookie.

That's the mashoff.

That's this week's Stow Boys Double.

Bye.

Happy Thanksgiving.

Happy Thanksgiving.

Can I say one last thing that I'm thankful for about this cookie mashoff?

I am so happy this didn't become, I thought Weiger was going to turn this into an ookie cookie situation.

Oh my God.

I would have had to have done it.

I would have to have eaten it.

And you wouldn't have had to.

Ma, let's get the hell out of here.

What's ookie cookie mean?

Hey, buddy, we got some new merch for the holidays from our buddies at Kinship Goods.

Wow.

We got hoodies, wages.

We got sweatshirts.

Wow.

We got koozies.

That's right.

Number one clown ass dad koozies.

Yeah, that's right.

We got it.

You can give it to your dad for the holidays.

What a gift.

We got stickers, sticker sheets.

Bumper stickers.

Bumper stickers.

Check all that out.

Stickers for you, stickers for your car.

And also

snowgators t-shirts.

That's right.

The bit, not even we like.

We made a shirt of it.

You want to think about those snow gators they got up north in the in the Toronto bayou?

Wait, what color are they?

Oh, those gators?

Oh, they're white.

Wow.

Wow.

Kinshipgoods.com/slash Doughboys.

That's the URL for all our new winter merch.

Get it for the holidays for the Doughboys lover in your life or for yourself.

Don't stuff coal into their stockings.

Put one of these dumb gifts instead.

KinshipGoods.com/slash Doughboys.

That was a head gum podcast.