Toront-dough: McDonald's Canada with Mike Hanford

This is a head gun podcast.

Want to watch this episode? Check it out on our YouTube channel by going to youtube.com/slash doughboys media.

Click choose a meal deal with McValue: the $5 McChicken Meal Deal, the $6 McDouble Meal Deal, or the new $7 daily double meal deal. Each with its own small fries, drink, and four-piece McNuggets.

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For a limited time, only personal participation may vary. Not Bella McDelivery.

Child of the Fraser. No, I don't mean Frederick Crane.
That would be child of the Fraser.

The Fraser here refers not to Seattle psychiatrist and Nile sibling Fraser Crane, but to the Fraser River, the longest river in British Columbia, named for the explorer who established the province's first European settlement.

though naturally indigenous peoples had inhabited the riverbanks for generations.

And the child of the Fraser is the city of Richmond, officially founded in 1879, its economy becoming centered around the fishing and agriculture enabled by the fertile waterway.

But an even more consequential founding happened nearly a century later, in 1967, when America's great contribution to culture, fast food, planted its golden arches in Richmond proper, courtesy of chain restaurant colonizer Ray Kroc.

Yes, Richmond, British Columbia is home of the first Big Mac purveyor north of the Canadian border, a brand that has grown to around 1,400 restaurants and 90,000 employees in Canada alone, making it the fourth largest eatery in the nation, just ahead of burger family vendor A ⁇ W.

The city of Richmond's population has more than McDoubled in the past 40 years, largely due to immigration from Asia.

In 2016, Craig Jones, a professor at the University of British Columbia, proudly declared the city, quote, one of the most diverse regions in Canada and maybe the world.

Could the influx of new Richmondites from around the globe possibly be related to to its status as a Canadian McMecca? Almost certainly not. But to look at it another way, yes.

Today, with a Yankee McBurger chain as omnipresent in Canada as Tim Freakin' Hortons, speaking as an American, let me just say to our neighbors to the north, you're welcome.

And you're also welcome for Fraser.

This week on Doughboys, we conclude Toronto, Doe Canada, the Great Bite North, a month-long culinary tour of the six with McDonald's Canada.

Welcome to Dough Boys, the podcast about chain restaurants. I'm Nick Weiger, along with my co-host, Francis Ford Capicola, the Spoon Man Mike Mitchell.
Welcome to Dough Boys.

Very Halloween appropriate roast you got there today. Very Halloween appropriate, yes.
Hi. It's not.
I was joking. It's not Halloween appropriate at all.
Francis Ford.

I thought you were because you were talking to Did Dracula voice because he did Bram Stokes' Dracula. That was.
Oh.

That's what he thought the reference

was.

I made

a meal out of the muck.

Hi, Doe Fam. Thanks for keeping me entertained all these years while mowing the lawn and plowing snow.
Hi, Eli. Parenthetical, leave this out if you want.
IDC. All right.

When he says plowing snow, Snows, he means he's fucking it.

Yeah, and when he says mowing the lawn, he means

eating it out.

Roastedbirdfuck.com. A megalopolis roast, Mitch.
Yeah, it's not a Canadian roast. Yes, it's not a Halloween roast.
It's a megalopolis roast because it's in the zeitgeist. Dracula.
He did do Dracula.

He did Bram Stoker's Dracula to Terry Oldman.

You had to remind me of something that happened today.

We'll get to that later. You know, hey, man, man, I know you haven't seen Megalopolis yet, but the thing I can tell you that's not a spoiler.
We're talking about the bird.

We'll get to the bird.

The thing I can tell you that's not a spoiler. Oh, is that Watto from Phantom Menace?

Yeah, but he's dressed as Dracula from the menu.

We both can fly.

Sorry, I'm hitting the microphone. What do you think they're dressing like on tattooing? Go ahead.
Why are you?

Is there a Halloween? It's probably called something different and funny. It's called Halloween with like an O-O-I-N-E.

Oh, like tattooing. That's kind of funny.
That's fun. And they dress up like characters from other planets, like Gungan's or whatever.
And then that's a whole lot. Gungan's dressing up like Ewoks.

Ewoks dressed up like Gungan. And I heard that Jack Skellington is actually their Santa Claus who comes on Halloween.
He is. It's all flip-flopped.
Yeah,

it's all different.

It was a long time. Skellington is

part of the Star Wars universe? Yeah, they're Skeleton. Jack Skellington's part of it.
He's always kind of, if you go back and watch episode one, he's sort of shooting around in the background a lot.

It's all done up to IP at this point. The first one that came out, episode four, I guess I should say.
Look, we got to slow it down here a notch. Megalopolis.

Here's what I was going to say: Megalopolis. It's going to be like that today.
It's going to be a wild one. We know what we're getting into.
Yeah, yeah. And you know what? I love every minute of it.

Good, good. This is what it's all about.

You're putting a dent in that couch right there.

I said I'd make a meal out of the muck, but what is the

mold? Polish mountain out of mold.

No, but like what's the you polish a turd polish a turd yeah that's a little what's the made gold out of what is what's the what you know i said put lipstick on a pig there we go that's one of them funny gold out of gunk yeah meal out of watching prom night put lipstick on a pig

here's my date get that get that mike mitchell back here

yeah i got sent back to the pig farm the pigs had a great night at prom you should never have been out of that pig farm i i if i was the mayor of that town which one day hopefully I will be mayor of Quincy, I'm going to A, burn it to the ground and change all the laws about letting half pig boys out of their pens to go to school.

I'm not a half-pig boy. Here's the deal.

I brought a pig to prom,

and then they were like, there's a pig at prom. And then the pig catchers came.
They took me. They confused me.
They thought I was the pig. The pig stayed at prom.
Had a great time. What?

I think he was.

I think he prom king, yeah. He was.
The pig won prom king.

Fucking got laid.

Yeah.

You lived the life. I was over there rolling in mud.
I actually had a blast. I would love to be mayor of Quincy one day.
You can't be mayor of Quincy. I love it.

You can barely do any math.

You don't have to do math to be a mayor.

Budget? You just have to

cut the ribbon on a new

auto parts player. Yeah, it's largely ceremony.
The comptroller will take care of the budget.

I don't trust you with the scissors.

He's going to be cutting ribbons.

I don't like it. Look, while we're talking civic governance, we got to talk about Megalopolis.
Yes. Because here's what I want to say.
This is not a spoiler.

Aubrey Plaza

in

Megalopolis plays a character named Aubrey Plaza. I was

like Aubrey Plaza. I was like, ugh, because you're bringing this up.
Aubrey Plaza in the movie Megalopolis plays a character named Wow Platinum. That is his name.
Wow Platinum.

Now, here's what I've said to Mitch.

What word do the Doughboys say more than any other? Wow.

And what is the highest honor you can achieve on the Dough Boys podcast? Five forks all around, which put you in the Platinum Plate Club. Yeah.
Wow, Platinum.

I believe that's a nod to the pod because I think Francis Ford Coppola is a Doughboys subscriber. Which makes sense.
Really? You think he is? I think he is. Which makes sense.

Which makes sense because we're a coppola goofballs.

I was.

He's done that three. I love it.
I love that. He skipped one.
I completely was like, you think Francis,

why the fuck would Francis Borgoff be doing?

He's not listening to anything. He's listening to opera vinyl.

That would be cool, though. I wouldn't be surprised.
That would be cool. You're going to burn Quincy to the ground.
I'm going to save one house. Hopefully, Adam's house.

Not your house? Oh, my house.

I'm going to take all you and all your friends, put them in your house, and then burn the rest of it.

Party. We can start over, finally.
You can't cut too many. There's a lot of ribbons keeping things together over there.
You can't cut too many of them.

Mitch Hanford, this is the final episode of Toronto Doe Canada, the Great Bite North, a month-long culinary tour of the Six. And the mystery chain teased at the live show has been revealed.

It is McDonald's, Canada.

Everyone guessed it. McDonald's, Canada.
Everyone was guessing McDonald's Canada. They got it right.
Wait, they were, really? Yeah. Oh.
Well, then you got it right. Were they?

Wise, you're dressed up for Halloween as a dork.

I am wearing my Canadian tuxedo. Now, here's the thing.
I mentioned the live show. I was going to wear this at the live show.
And, of course, Air Canada lost my bag. It was a whole ordeal.

We're later in the week now. We're recording up here at Podium Studios in Toronto.
So I have my luggage and I'm bringing out the Canadian tuxedo for this Halloween-centric episode.

But we were just talking about that at release of Halloween. Did you know that it was Halloween? Yeah.
That's not why you dressed up in the Canadian Tuxedo.

No, I wore it just to wear it because otherwise it was a fucking waist. Well, you got got it on.
Yeah, I got it on. There's nothing like a brand new denim coat to make a man look very uncomfortable.

Look how high his shoulders are. I know.

It's also a little too big, but it's

when you're wearing a fat suit.

It looks like it's flumped up. Yeah.

I'm clumping a little bit. I have a jean jacket that I've been for years like trying to just like make it wearable.
Yeah. I wash it unnecessarily.

Sometimes just like break it down and it's still just like this stiff, stupid thing. Emma and Mars,

you're the Canadian in the room.

Y'all got any denim? Y'all got any. Oh, yeah, Nick, we got lots of denim.
Okay, okay.

It's like a Canadian, Mars. Yeah, just jeans, no jacket, really, because they are, I do find them to be pretty stiff, and I haven't found one up yet.
You got any denim? That's a fair question.

You need to go to like a vintage store to get a little bit more. Yeah, I have two denim jackets that I love.

I think they're in storage in my parents' house in Maine, but I got them from a vintage store in college.

And so they're like one of them, the sleeves is all frayed and it's like got holes and it's falling apart, but it's so soft. But yeah, it's like someone wore it for like 20 years before I bought it.

So I lost my luggage and we found it.

Another thing that happened.

So Emma and I and Mars and Amelia and I went on a walking tour guided by Atlanta Johnston the Knife earlier this week. I was filming.

We went to the Rogers Center, which is where the Blue Leaf, or the Blue Jays play or the Leafs play. Whatever the fuck.

They have the Rogers Center of Spaceball, isn't it?

Roger Center is baseball.

The Scotiabank Arena is where they play the.

The Scotiabank is where... Basketball.
Basketball. Okay, so that's where the Raptors play.

Yes.

Maybe, yeah, maybe.

We were at the sports complex. We're all the

formerly known.

Anyway, so there's a bunch of statues. There's like a wall of heroes of all of the Maple Leafs, the famous Maple Leafs, the Hall of Famers.
Wendell Clark, I'm sure, was a Doug Gillimore.

And you know what? It's Pot Van. And Tim Horton himself, the Hockey Hall of Famer, there was a statue of him immortalized.
So we go to pose for a photo there, and I take my purse off

and I, just for the photo, and I hang it on like the outstretched foot of Tim Horton or another leaf.

And we take the photo, and then we leave, and we're in like a store looking at like Raptors jerseys. And I'm like, where's my bag?

And Emma remembers. We were gone for like 10, 15, 20 minutes, like shopping.
And we thought he put it down while I was trying something on. We're looking all over the store.

I look across the street, still hanging on the dude's button.

So I'm going to thank you. You saved this whole thing a number of times.

That's what the jacket was in? No, that was a separate incident. That's where I just lost.
I almost lost my wallet.

You're just bad with bags. Yeah, I'm just bad with everything.

I told you I took my fucking sunglasses and I stashed them in the pocket of my hotel robe, and I lost them for two days. I don't know what they were doing there.

You're going to let him talk like that? He's bad at everything. What are you talking about? He sounds like a damn fool if you ask ask me.
No, no, no. You got yourself across the border.

That's a difficult task. Yeah.

You had your passport with you. I'm managing.
This is the final episode.

We're going to figure it out. Here's an idea.
Get the fuck out of here. Just leave to me.
I'm about to go. This is the final episode.

I know. I'm thrilled.
We're almost done. Mitchell.
I felt so much better. I feel like shit this week.
Yeah, it's been a tough week. We've been in a lot of Scotiabank Arena for that.

And then we went to the Sky Dome afterwards. The statues are in front of Scotiabank Arena.
Got it. That's where it was.

You know, know, when you guys go to somebody's house for the first time, like they're hosting you, and like you walk in, they're like, This place sucks. I don't even want to be here.

You don't really want to go to that person's house, right? That's true. Yeah.

I would imagine the same thing

carries over to podcasts. I don't want to be here.
I don't like this. I think that makes me feel

Rogers Center is where they play.

I think it's Kenny Rogers Center.

I don't know you, but here's a baseball.

You gotta know

what I know when

it is. You're thinking of

who's that guy who I'm thinking of?

You know what I'm talking about.

Michael Kennedy.

Oh, you know what? McDonald's. McDonald's.
Kind of appropriate. Pretty good.
Kenny Rogers could be like, you gotta know when to hit them. You gotta know when to bunt them.

I thought you were gonna say, know when to sit them.

Walk them better.

Know when to run. Know when to run, run.
That's right. There you go.
You better stop your sliding

when you're coming down to home base.

Don't start to slide in right after you've hit the ball.

All right, look, Fox.

Happy Halloween to all our listeners. It's a Halloween day.
That's right. Am I back in Los Angeles at this point? I don't know.
I don't think so.

You're betting no. Work final, October 29th.

There's a chance I'm back. There's a chance.
We'll see. But then they also told me maybe not.
Yeah.

A lot of people thought we were going to do. There's a, I guess there's a haunted mansion keg or something.

The keg. The keg.
The keg has a haunted mansion.

I went to the keg with my mom and sister. The keg, same ownership as Swiss Chalet and

Harvey's. Oh, which is a chain.
What type of restaurant is is it?

It's kind of like Eastside Mario's. They're all one company.
Eastside Mario's? Yeah.

Keg Mansion. Keg Mansion is said to be haunted by Lillian.
Oh, my God.

I'm just reading this right now. Sounds scarifying.
Keg Mansion, scarifying? Yeah. Keg Mansion is said to be haunted by Lillian, a maid who hanged herself in 1915 on the premises.

She's employed by sort of owner, industrialist Hart Massey. Well, do you know when you go to somebody's house and they're like, yeah, come on over.

And like, you sit down and they just start reading off off their phone.

And you're like, oh, they didn't weren't preparing for me to be here at all. They didn't care.

That's kind of like going to Mitch's house, actually.

Another story said that Lillian was having an affair with a Massey family man. So Megalopolis was not a great

ride. I don't think it's a good movie, but I think the fascinating one.
You don't want to know more about the Hospital. I don't want to sit here and watch you scroll through your phone.

I think anyone who likes movies should watch Megalopolis because it's a fascinating one. It's part of movie history.
Yeah, I think so. Very much so.
I just imagine that.

What would you say is the famous line from from it?

Well, I mean, we're into spoiler country. Do you want me to say it? Yeah.

What do you think of this boner?

That's probably the biggest. That's probably the line.

I'm guessing. I'm guessing this is maybe a guy who works at a morgue and he's got like a decomposed body and he's showing the new kid.

You're close. I actually have no idea what this movie's about.
I don't, I've never seen it. You thought it was an actual bone?

It could have been.

I don't think a lot of people refer to bones as boners.

No, the person, the skeleton.

You know, it's like, you know, when you're, it's a Halloween, like, oh, look at that group of boners walking us. There's a bunch of people dressed as skeletons, you'd say.
Right.

I think if you start, if you work in like forensics, if you're like, you like perform autopsies, you start to adopt that sort of lingo.

I got another boner for

now, throw it within the pie on. Found a boner in the ravine.
I got a question for you. Yeah.
I got a couple things to say. One, we were driving over here.
Yeah.

I asked our Uber driver if I could roll down my window. Who looked a lot like Paul Rudd up? He was like a like a

bitch. A French-Canadian Paul Rudd.
Very, very dashing.

I got in that car. I said, you're a handsome bitch.

Y'all are a handsome bitch.

Hey, Doug.

That handsome son of a bitch, I said,

I said,

can I roll out my window? You, the peanut gallery in the back starts laughing. Sorry, peanut allergy gallery.
Starts laughing.

Peanut allergy. I developed, yeah, one late in life.
He grew a peanut allergy. My nephew's got one.

he grew his. It's a slight one.

His is growing. Watered it.

He didn't have one before. He's got one.
You got a slight one. He started developing it.
Yeah, it's weird. It's really strange.

I guess it happens. Go to an allergist, you fool.
I went to an allergist. What do they say? He's like, it happens sometimes.
Did they draw the grid on your skin and then poke you with different tests?

I did. I got that happen.
Yeah. I got a blood test, too.
Yeah. This whole thing.
Look, look at the blood blood. It's like Terminator when they open his arm.

This joint's been getting a lot of work.

What did you say? This joint's been getting a lot of work. It's jacking off.

So

I rolled out the window and then the peanut gallery in the back, laughing it up. Yeah, yeah.
I said, what do you guys?

And then Hamford says, it makes you less of a man. Is that what you're saying? So this is what this is.
This is you. And I don't think this is being.

I'm not trying to make. This isn't a hyperbolic impression.
I think this is what it sounded like.

Sir,

is it okay if I open the window?

Is it okay if I open the window, sir?

And then what did he tell you? Yes, this is your car. You paid for it, basically.
It was very French. He said he's a French accent.
He said, that's your window.

That's your window. And then, and then you said, he said, don't open mine.
And he said, do not open mine. And then, and then, because this handsome son of gun was also French on top of all that.

Yeah, he was a total package. And plus, he had a nice car.
And he had a nice car. And then, and you're in the back there, and you said, I think it just makes you less of a man.

So you said, and then in front, he was driving.

He liked it, he laughed like that. He liked that.
Finally, the French are not being

wages. We were in McDonald's.
But then I tried to roll down my window. I couldn't do it.

He had him child locked. You yelled at him.
He said,

I need to get to town for a joke.

Banging his head with an American flag.

Wages, when we were at McDonald's,

did anyone go up to you and say, hey, is your dad in here working today? I'm a big fan. Fucking clown-ass dad.

I forgot about that. That was so long ago.
What, clown-ass dad? Yeah, that was a long time ago.

It's just, we've been in the, this was a, this was a joke Mitch was making in the studio, like, I guess back in June. When was that? May, maybe? Yeah, it came out.

That was Jordan Morris' episode that came out on 7-Eleven.

Yeah, so we probably recorded that in April or May. So I did, yeah, yeah, the clown.
Yeah, there you go. So someone said that to you when you went in? Mitch.
Well, that's.

Well, did anyone say it today to you about your dad? Oh, yeah, someone did.

Anyways, Look, a bird flew into McDonald's. That's right.
That was cool. That's what I was referring to before.

Oh, I was doing a bat. I thought you were doing a bat for Halloween.

We were doing bats, and I said, ooh, that would that connects to later because a bird

flew in there. It's so funny seeing birds inside, always.

It is funny. I agree with that.
Mitch, you gotta play the drop, and then I get to introduce Hanford, and then we can get on with the show.

Saluto to Nation Collier.

Emma hit him with a drop. Z drop.
Le Drop. Le Drop.
Z drop. You know what?

Wise, that's kind of my mission this year.

We talked about it a bit with Ghostbusters.

You know that song?

Just give it back to the Edways.

Hey! Give it back to the boys.

Give it back to the Edways.

Give it back to the boys.

Prepare for this bit to carry on for another three months. We love it.
Yeah.

Where's my For the Boys t-shirt?

The song was good, you have to admit that.

It's Dumboys, you slopped.

What?

I think it said it's Dumboys, you slopped. Oh, right.
That's fun. DK, thanks for pushing me to fix the audio.

This is email. This is how the email is starting off.
So, DK, I guess, pushed back on this guy to fix the audio. DK, thanks for pushing me to fix the audio.

Open to tweaking it again if you think I should. What the fuck is going on? What has this been going on?

Well, this email is from 2023, May 2023. If you use it, you hear the note.
Drop King is giving like rounds of notes on Drop King. What are you doing, Drop King?

If you're hearing this, the sloppy boys are probably on the pod. So a hardy.
Wow. What is up to them? All right.
I did pretty bad. You do it.
Oh, it's Tim's thing, but what is up? I guess he says.

What is up?

Now, what is that?

Thanks for all the laughs and wows to Mitch and Wags, Emma, DK, Casey, Amelia, and Scorpion. Wow.
Shout out to the two fat Kevins.

Red, a.k.a. Danny Noonan on Discord.
Hey, we know Danny Noonan. We know he does.
Yeah, we know Danny. Hey, lovely drop.
Well done. All right.
It was a good one. Yeah.

And thanks for taking Drop King's feedback and iterating on that a few times. I wonder how much he's get it up into shape.
I wonder how much he's charging you.

Do all the drops go to Drop King first and he sends them to you? I gave up on looking at the drops or looking at anything that has to do with the podcast in a lot of ways.

You probably get a ton of them because we get a bunch. You guys have probably been.

They've kind of fallen off this pod a little bit.

I always enjoy when we do it. I mean, we took that from your show, but we, I'm sure.
Drops for a lot of fun.

It's fun to hear what people pick out of the episodes and put together. I love it.
Drops at birdfuck.com. Hey, our guest today from the Sloppy Boys.
And the tonight's show, Mike Hanford, is back.

Hi, Hanman. Hello, hello.
Handman, you're doing a show

up here in Toronto tomorrow night.

You're doing your stand-up.

Thank you so much for making time to come do the pod. Come on, it's great to have you.
I love it out here. Thank you.
Thanks for having me. I love it.
What a man who lived in Toronto for school.

That's right. You studied for a year at the University of Toronto.
My freshman year, yeah, I was up here at a beautiful, beautiful school, beautiful town. Wait, it was University of Toronto? Yep.

I thought you said just a second ago was St. Mike's.
Well, I was trying to explain. St.
Mike's is this, the university is made up of seven colleges. St.
Mike's was the college I. So I was right.

I sent when I got. Yeah, but I think I was trying to explain it.
I was confusing when I was trying to explain it, I think.

My one of my first nights up here, I walked through the University of Toronto. I got a video of a skunk, and I said to Hammer, I said, This guy took your spot up here at University of Toronto.

He was my best professor.

He was good.

Yeah, then my nose on clothespin professor was pretty good.

I should say clothespin on nose.

It was your freshman year. Yeah.
So you were originally going to be like, I'll go to school up in Canada. I'll go to school in Toronto.
And then you transferred to an American university.

Yeah, I transferred to Ithaca where I met Mitch. But well, I really liked it up here, but I realized I wanted to do film, which turned into TV or just entertainment.

And the program, the film program up here was like all practical stuff. So you're up here because you grew up in upstate New York.
There's not all theoretical stuff.

So it was all like, yeah, talking about

writing theory. Yeah.
Right, not application. So you're, so you're in, you're, you're in upstate New York

and you like, how far from where you grew up is Toronto? Not far. It's, there was a time when Rochester had a thing called the fast ferry that would go right across.
Wow. And it

completely failed. Like no one used it.

It was like this big story forever. They from Australia, this like big, huge boat that could carry cars and shit.
And it didn't work out.

But it took maybe three hours to get here, going around Lake Ontario. Oh, wow.
Because you can see it. You can almost see Rochester from like, oh, that's what some people are saying.

You can almost see it across to Rochester. So it's like, damn.
If you had that fast ferry, you could go to the house. I know.
It was like in an hour. It was crazy.
And just no one came.

And it was like, I think it was the idea was proposed when like the currency was, US dollar was better in Canada. And then I think that just kind of evened out and it wasn't worth coming up to shop.

Damn. I've been to the Rock.
We'll have to come to see the nice city, though.

Yeah, I mean, this is what it's one of those geographical things that for me, as someone who, you know, lived his whole life in Southern California, it's like it's closer from Rochester, New York to Toronto, Ontario, than it is from Los Angeles, California to San Francisco, California.

You know what I mean? It's like

it's just a

feels asynchronous to me. From Rochester to Toronto than it was to Rochester to Ithaca.
Longer to road.

Wow. Yeah.

Well, you didn't like it too much. He left.

While you were up here, like, what was that experience like as an American living in Toronto, like your first time away from all? Yeah, how much were you bullied?

It was, I was bullied.

I did a lot of the bullying up here.

I would run around, but I would go to like younger grades. I would go to the high schools and bully those people because they were younger than me.

No, it was interesting because all the, there's, I don't know if they still do it. Mars, do they still do grade 13 here? I don't think so.
Okay. Grade 13? Grade 13? 13? Yeah, it's like after

your senior year up here, you would, or they just had 13 grades instead of 12. And then, so everyone was a year older than us.
What the hell? That sounds like a scary show on like Nickelodeon.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's a goosebumps.
Yeah, grade 13. You're going to grade 13.
There's like an arm coming out of

the door.

That even might be a part of Fear Street. That's not, that might be too scary for goosebumps.
Oh, is that right? Is that like the

elevator is to tell in the dark?

It was cool up here.

Maybe I'll tell you some.

I don't know what the difference was. It was just being in a big city was like

a brand new thing,

which was really fun. And the school was humongous.
Like all my classes were huge. And I didn't really get to know too many people other than like the people in my dorm.

Because I also took a little stroll through the University of Toronto campus. And just to like, it was a lovely campus.
Mitch.

And I will say, but it's one of those campuses like NYU where, and I guess to some degree, UCLA where I went, although it's a little bit kind of self-contained, where the buildings are kind of integrated into a larger yeah, there's no defined like the campus is here and this is and then you and then you go to Ithaca, which is very much a college town.

Yeah, and I think maybe that was part of it too. I did want like a college experience to have that just like everyone's in the same

and then we had one of the best damn college experiences. These guys became pals and comedy history with

the birthday boys is created. How about that? That's pretty good.
Yeah, pretty good.

He is he's the guy who I met. I think I I did meet you freshman year.

Didn't you visit Ithaca freshman year? I don't think so. Huh.
Then sophomore year. It is.
Sophomore, it is. Sophomore year.
I can't believe it.

I can't believe a time in my life when you weren't around.

We met through my roommate, Granna. Yeah, who I went to high school with.
What's Granna up to? He lives in California. He's a doctor in California.
Oh, that's cool. Like North, though.

He was in the Peace Corps, wasn't he?

Oh, wait, no. Air Corps, maybe? Yeah.
Something like that. Sorry, Granna.
We love you. We love you, Granna.
We love you. We just can't keep all your volunteer work straight.

Do you have, so you have your time in Toronto? Do you remember anything from like, like, were you going to Tim Hortons? Were there cheap bites you were getting back in the day?

I remember two for one pizza I'd get a lot. Okay.
Two slices for a dollar. Hey, that's not bad at all.

For a loony, you'd put down a loony. You put down a loony and they gave you two slices.
You gave me four slices. Wow.
I said, I can do this math all fucking day. I'm a university student.

You thought he didn't have the math skills to become mayor.

You can become mayor.

Just don't burn it down. I do remember going, there was a toga party on campus once that me and my friends went to.
Wow. Yeah, that was kind of fun.

And then, but we, we went wearing, we got depends, and we thought that would be funny. That was fun.
And nobody else thought it was funny. Just the four of us thought it was funny.

And nobody, that was sort of my time here. Was like, I remember asking a girl out in a class I was in.
Like, we got along very well. And she was like, no, I don't think so.
That's okay.

Actually, I did have a date here. I took a girl out to a movie, and she wanted to go to McDonald's.
We went to McDonald's beforehand. Oh, hell yeah.
Do you remember the movie? No, I don't.

I wish I did. It would have been 2000,

were we freshmen, 2001 or two? Yeah, 2002, I think, because it would have been the spring of that year. And I remember she came to my room, my dorm room, and

before the date. Yeah.
And I had

just music on, and her name was Michelle, and the Beatles song, Michelle, was on. And I was just like, fuck.

She came in. I was like, hey, like you.
And she was like, I don't know what the song is.

All right. But I'm weirded it out.
Let's go to this movie and then McDonald's. Let's go watch Attack of the Clones.

Yeah, right. Yeah, we 2001 was the fall 2001

bad time in history. Was uh this would have been this would have been the spring.

I'm saying a freshman year of yeah, yeah, I was in Ithaca. Uh, in the the I was in the East Tower at Ithaca College.
Ah,

um, did you live in the towers? No, no, I was in

I forget where uh 2022. Oh, fuck.
That's the wrong year. 2002.
What the hell? Hold on.

Was there a bird at the McDonald's when you were there?

I was kind of acting like that. We'll get to it.
You know when the bird,

I saw the bird get up to, you know how you can order Big Mac?

Yeah, he ordered a Big Worm.

I saw that. Yeah.
Did you see that? I did. He ordered.
Yeah, he asked for the Big Worm. And then you get a side of fries?

Side of flies. Oh, shit.
Yeah,

We thought he said fry, fly, fries, but then we realized he said uh flies, he said flies, yeah, yeah, yeah, he said that, and he said, Can I get it to go? I'm taking it back to my nest.

Yeah, I said, Okay, yeah, and you know, you can get a McFlurry, yeah, he asked for a birdseed McFlurry.

Did you hear that? I did, I did, I remember that, yeah. Do you remember what he got for a drink?

Uh, I do remember what he got for a drink. It was a bird juice,

yeah, bird juice, beak sprite

sprite or bird juice, It was one of the two. 2002 in film.
Seven up. Way up.
You know what he said? It said, don't give me a straw. Give me a hollow bone.

Birds are made of. Minority report was an option.
You could have seen my big, big fat Greek wedding. That would have been a nice date film.
That would have been fun.

Yeah, I probably would have gotten engaged. Ice Age or Signs.
I think it may have been signs. It might have been signs.
Yeah, that would track. It seems like I did see that in the theaters.

That's appropriate for today for Halloween. That's scary moment when the alien walks walks by and like the footage.
That is, though, it was a sweet mode. Yeah,

um, seven up isn't at in McDonald's, is it? It's sprite, sprite, yeah. So, seven way up didn't really work.

It works for a bird, yeah, like his bird can get fly really high parentheses into the sky, yeah. There, yeah, yeah, yeah, but it doesn't work because they don't carry it.

Well, he asked for the restroom key, um, he said, like, can I get a restroom key? I have to go empty the contents of my Cloaca. Oh, right, yeah,

and then they gave him the back door, and there was was a car out there. He shat on the car.
He shot on the car, yeah.

Okay, so. That bathroom at that McDonald's is a nightmare.
I was, I was in there. I told you the story before where this is that we went to the same McDonald's that I, uh, that I

thought that thunder and lightning had turned the lights. Wait, that's the McDonald's? Yes.

So we ate, I ate breakfast, and then you, then later together, we all ate lunch at the same McDonald's of the story you told at the live show of the McDonald's where they told you, get the fuck out.

Yes. You had breakfast and lunch at that McDonald's?

on separate days gotcha yeah so no i had i had some i had some hotel uh restaurant oatmeal today i was like i know i'm eat something unhealthy for lunch so i want to have a baseline so the

lights go out yeah i sit down i saw another guy sitting down i got up and left and then the guy came up and said you gotta get the hell out of here he said the hell out of here he didn't say hell

uh by the way uh he said dude we're closed uh there do you see the sliding window there was a pickup window there at mcdonald's too

i did uh yeah i saw that wise is looking for for the time. It was weird.
I don't think they use it anymore. Jesus fucking Christ.
We were on your coverage. You could have completely covered that.

Who the fuck?

Now you've been talking about Coppola a little too long. My coverage?

There was a sliding window.

There's a sliding window there. There was a sliding window.
He gave a thumbs up about the time. There was a sliding window there.

I wonder what time it would have been for him to give a thumbs down.

There's a sliding window there. You could pick up your orders, but now it's just like a part of the restaurant.

It's probably the fucking bird entrance now it's a freaking bird entrance

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Wise, you were about to say something. Get into what you were going to say.

I don't remember, but I, but I, but I can, we can transition into burger preferences because it's about time to talk about McDonald's. Where do you stand on a burgie? A burger in general? Yeah, yeah.

Oh, thumbs up. Way up.
Do you like the big worm?

Yeah. Yeah, I usually do.
I do a big worm, but with like the meat, a cow option. Right.

That's right, you order the big worm, but with with beef. Yes, they'll do that for you, which is nice, which is nice.
Do you but what is your like do you have like a

either a favorite individual burger could be from any restaurant or do you have like the platonic ideal of like a burger like you know off a grill or something? My favorite.

Yeah, my favorite is a burger off the grill. Yeah.
Still like hot, the cheese and everything. Like a backyard barber.
Yeah, that's my favorite type.

But my, my just go-to, like, or my favorite, just getting a burger from a place is probably like In-N-Out or or Smash Burgers.

I know it's like a trend that's come and gone so much, but I still love like Smash Burgers. Is there a Rochester burger spot that you think of?

Uh, there's like Tom Walls and uh, uh, there's another one. Fuck Bill Gray's.
Those are those are good, like, chips and chips. If I did that at McDonald's, he was going fries chips.

What the hell is going on with you? I've been watching too much. Mr.
Bean, I suppose.

You got anglicized over there. Uh, you know who loves Smash Burgers?

I've heard the Hulk loves Smash Burgers. Oh, shit.
Yeah, I've heard that. This joke has not been made yet on this podcast.
No, it really hasn't.

Hey, you know what? We were on your coverage. You could have fucking at least reacted to it.

He's reacting. I'll cover him.
Cover him. There we go.
How do you know? He's on what coverage. Mike, can we edit that so that when I say, you know, like Smash Burgers Hulk, and then have him do that?

Yeah, he's laughing right there.

That'll be a little cleaner.

He's wearing a different shirt.

uh i think the yeah have you heard that before no actually i haven't heard it before i don't think it's been said on the podcast yeah okay or in general

do you have that hasn't been said what do you like okay so so yeah you have like an in-and-out burger or something like that or like a smash burger do you do you like a lot of do you like any particular toppings any veggies i usually say i usually say i usually say hold the lettuce hold the lettuce don't do lettuce it kind of i always find lettuce just kind of squirts everywhere and doesn't add much to it right uh tomatoes He dropped his phone.

Got a shot of Mitch picking up his phone. Mitch dropped his phone.

I'm okay with it, baby.

See, Mitch, that's why I got to get you turned on one of these new phone necklaces. I'll sell like a whole trunk in my hotel room.
These things, they come in every color. You can wait.

Wait, your phone's on the couch. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
But I don't, I don't.

I keep mine in the case at home.

What hotel are you? You can say, because you'll be gone now. I'm at Hotel

Trudeau,

staying with the Prime Ministry. That's nice.
Yeah, it was nice of him to open his home

to me.

You know what I do like? What do you like? Is Mayo. I always kind of forget.
It's always something I kind of forget, and then I was like, oh, Mayo.

But tomato, Mayo, ketchup, pickle would be sort of my top. Sounds delightful.
And, you know, onion if I don't have a date later.

Hey.

The camera's never on me, right?

I liked it.

I like the audio fine. I don't work well on camera.
Halloween. Good day to to have onion on you.

Because it's close to garlic. It's close to garlic.

Trick them for just a moment.

Doesn't onion scare off some evil spirits or some shit? Maybe. I don't know.
I only know garlic with Draculas.

Yeah. You like garlic on your burger? No.
No. I've never had.
Never mind.

Could you say it for this?

Could you please just say yes? I think garlic aioli can be nice. I don't know if I ever do like a roasted garlic, like just like smeared on a burger, but maybe I could see that work.

Does garlic aioli, will that work on dracula? It's got to work on Dracula. Yeah, I think so.
I think he'd, like, you know, ooh, crushed up garlic in a sorry, I was,

finish your thought. No, no, no.

Crushed up garlic in the patty itself would be good. Yeah, that could absolutely work.
Very good. Yeah.

Okay. And where do you stand on McDonald's specifically? I love McDonald's.
I love McDonald's. Yeah, I mean, this is like I, every time, even just today, just like eating, it's like, it's a treat.

Like, it was a growing up, that was like the Pavlovian, like, yeah, McDonald's. I, it's good just because I know I can't eat it a lot.
Yeah, I'm, I mean, I love McDonald's.

I have a great time at McDonald's. Uh, I try not to go too frequently, but every time I go, I go, I'm just like, this is great.
Yeah, and it's disgusting food.

I mean, like, you open up the bun and you're just like,

what is going on in here? It's a tasty treat that can't be beat. That's true.
Absolutely. It's called a skeleton cane.
Speaking of boners,

McDonald's Canada, which we are covering for our final episode of Toronto Doe Canada, the Great Bite North Month on Culinary Tour of the Six, was founded in 1940 in San Bernardino, California, and first opened in Canada in 1967 in Richmond, British Columbia.

The last year?

The last year the Leafs won the Stanley Cup. Mitch.
Wow. Is that possibly connected to McDonald's intrusion into Canada? Oh, my God.
Is what led to the curse of the Maple Leafs?

The McDonald's has to end. Wow.

What year was that when the... 1967.
That was the last time they won. It really is.
I have a correction. I said...

We were quizzing Lisa Gilroy about, remember I said, who won the World Series in 1990 and 1991? And in my head, I thought it was the Jays. It was not.
It was 1992 and 93, I think they won.

Yeah, I remember they had like two years of rows. They had back-to-back, and I fucked up the back.
Do they have a guy named Carter who was really good? Yeah, Jimmy Carter.

He's still going.

Well, Mitch,

if McDonald's has to leave Canada for the Leafs to win again, it's going to be a while because there are now 1,400 locations in Canada.

It is the fourth largest chain in the nation. The second biggest American chain, number one is Starbucks.

And for this episode, we will only be discussing and rating Canadian exclusive menu items. So that's what makes this the McDonald's candidate.

It's interesting, seeing as our guests basically got everything you get in America. But no, that's not true.
That's not true. There's two things that you can get in America.
That's okay.

We talked about

Mitch and I will be doing that. Mitch and I will be doing that.
Hanford can do whatever he wants.

Because I think it's also useful to compare the Canadian execution to the American execution because there are things like, for instance, they have, I took a photo of the placemat, which bragged about its 100% 100% Canadian beef,

like all Canadian sourced eggs, or they're Canadian dairy. They are using Canadian products, so it might have a different sort of character to it.
Can I just say this?

This is not an official review of McDonald's. No, this is not an official McDonald's review.
This is a review of McDonald's Canada.

The fork score applies to McDonald's Canada only. And you've never done McDonald's.
We've done McDonald's breakfast, but again, the fork score was only for McDonald's breakfast.

And this is the fork score only for McDonald's Canada. Now, I'll say this.

There might be an episode where we discuss some stuff about McDonald's and our future in reviewing it. There might be something about that.
What are you talking about?

The McList, you fool. Did we do that? Oh, shit.
That will literally be out the week, the Tuesday after this. What was that? The McList.
Oh, my God. Are you honest?

I don't know why I'm saying this in the mic because we're going to cut this.

No, you said we can keep it. You guys talked about who you would have on for the McDonald's episode.
You made your like top 50 list of people you'd have on for the McDonald's. I'm not going with you.

Do you not remember that? I kind of remember this. This was a while ago.
It was a while ago. It's just because you made Amelia.
I'm nervous about you.

You guys couldn't narrow it down to like, I think there's like 50 people on the list.

Yeah, we did a bunch of, well, we recorded a bunch of episodes in a, and I kind of went into fugue state while we were doing it. So that comes out next Tuesday.

And I'm pretty sure if my math is correct, that is also double number 400. Wow.
How about that? Double number 400. I'm just going to say this.
Yeah.

We almost did McDonald's Canada with Distin, but we recorded with him earlier in the week, and we did Harvey's instead.

Lee Harvey's? What's that? Lee Harvey's. Lee Harvey's.
Yeah, Lee Harvey Hodswold. We did.

Actually, I don't think we said that in the episode, but it is named after Lee Harvey Hodzwald, who's considered a hero in Canada. It's weird.
Yeah. Yeah.

Because, yeah, if you take on any, yeah, I can't say anything else.

It's hard to joke in this territory.

But you wanted this to be, McDonald's is going to be the last surprise restaurant. Yes.
So we pushed to a later guest. That's you.
Surprise.

But you know what, Hanford? I am thrilled. If we were just reviewing McDonald's, Hanford would be a great last guest.

I think this is what I was going to say. I think this worked out beautifully because Diston's been living up here

and I feel like has

kind of adopted

some

local character, if you will. Like has become a part of the city.

And I feel like we have more of the outsider American perspective here, even though you did live in Toronto for a time. So I think this worked out perfectly.
And I think this is a good time.

You got on your track. Definitely McDonald's.
Definitely at the end of the week. That was you.
You were ready for McDonald's to be at the end of the week. Yeah, it makes sense.
It does.

It is a great thing. You did it.
It all worked out great. It all worked out great.
Everyone did great.

Here's what I got to say. Emma, you did great.
Emma and Mars, thank you so much. Emma and Mars, you did the best of anyone.
Wow.

I mean, it's me and Wag is the other option. Whatever we doing.

I'm going to say this. Yeah.

So I apologize about the blue guys.

Hanford would be a great, he'd be a great McDonald's guy. Yeah.
He'd be a great McDonald's guy. This is going to look, we don't need to talk about what the episode will be.
We can just do the episode.

And let me just say this. One frustration I had, McDonald's Canada has a specific app that is country locked.
So visiting Americans can't even download it.

That's annoying. Unless you use NordVPN.
Use code Doughboys at checkout at NordVPN. Well, I don't think that's active anymore.

Try it. Let us know what happens.
Try it. Give it a shot.
But if you do use the VPN, you can probably get it. Yes.

Is the move.

I think I was trying to upload some

stuff on my Instagram stories, and they weren't, I couldn't see them in my story, but then I saw people liking them. So I don't know if that was a weird cell phone range type thing.

They got like Rogers and Bell up here. I don't know what the fuck's going on.
They have different cell phone bones. Bell, Alexander Graham Bell, is that how it's referred to? Yeah, yeah.

The king of phones? The Canadian king of phones? Canadian king of phones.

Who we saw, the little house where the first long-distance call was made in Little Canada. You're correct.

When we were with our Little Canada double, which is in the past now, we went and we saw a little Alexander Graham Bell. How fun is that? I'm going to go to that thing.
You got to go.

It was an absolute blast. It was one of my favorite things I did.

It was a good time. Okay.

Hold on. Before we get more into it, are you going to get into food? Yeah.

We got a beer drinker here. Oh, boy.
That's right. This guy likes beer.
Oh, boy. I'll tell you a funny beer story.
You love yourself with Brew Dog. I want to hear a funny beer story.

I want to hear your favorite Canadian beers. Ooh,

I liked Molson. When I was here, I liked Molson.

What was it called? It was like Molson with like three ships on the front of it. Okay.
I forget what it was. It was like a white label.

I also just

Labatte Blue, I like a lot too. Yeah,

I feel like those are the big two of Canadian Canada. Mars, are you, you have yourself a Brew Dog ever? No, I'm not much of a beer drinker.
Not much of a beer drinker.

They all kind of taste bad to me. Does that track with what Canadians drink, like Molson and Labat?

I guess. I think we also see a lot of American beers that people are drinking here.
I don't think people are loyal, except for dads.

Dads love kind of Canadian beers, but yeah, like the Labatte and Molson is definitely like a product of me seeing like hockey ads in the 90s and 80s and stuff.

And also, upstate New York had a ton of Canadian beers, which is like

Labatte was in our, like, in the Wegmans where we are. Wow.
So it was like that, that like easy to get.

I wonder if they're going to be a, like, I wonder if there's, there must be like a Canadian micro brewery scene.

In fact, I know there is because we had some local i had some local na beers earlier this week um i can't remember what that brewery was but those are delightful

um i was out with the the monster squad you know yeah

dracula wolf man wolf man they they they confused me for frankenstein then i just kind of joined the move yeah mummy was there mummy was there there was like the creature from the black lagoons kind of analog yeah kind of like a royalty free version mummy not my mummy my mummy wasn't there but i love yeah no i wish she was it would be great i guess it's good you clarify but but I knew immediately which mommy.

But I grabbed a Coors

and Coors Light, and I tossed it to the Wolfman, and he backed off. Yeah.

I remember you told me this. Yeah, you told me this.
The silver bullet. You can't, you know what I mean?

He's like, I'm not taking any chances.

It was a good night, though. Yeah.
Just a good Halloween story for everyone to get. Yeah, that's what.
What did you guys do at all?

We did the mash.

That's what it was. You guys did the mash.
And then then we did the fuck.

The monster fuck.

So we went for breakfast earlier this week. Or I went for breakfast earlier this week.

I will say right now the Canadian Monopoly games are going on, which is like we have McDonald's Monopoly in America, but they have it in Canada.

I'm holding up the game board right now, and they have different names for shit because it's Canada. So for instance, instead of, you know,

Baltic Avenue, it's Rideau Canal.

Instead of park place it's uh fairmont le chateaux frontenac uh they're all like and and instead of like toronto airport instead of the shortline railroad it's the toronto airport so it's all like that is there a football team up here called the frontenacs

i don't know these are the argonauts that's

yeah i feel like what's a front i've heard that word before i don't know is little canada on there uh i don't know if little canada is on here

you might need your reading glasses

oh you know what jail is little canada That's what it is. You go to Little Canada.
You said you go to jail, you go to Little Canada. You get shrunk down? Yeah,

you get little eyes, and you go to Little Canada. Oh, my God.
Kensington Frontenac is a hockey team. Is that what you're talking about? Oh, fun.

Okay. There you go.
What league?

So I went for breakfast early this week. So the Canadian Monopoly games are going on right now.
So that's a lot of fun.

I got the Canadian exclusive breakfast item. I got is the spicy egg and hash brown breakfast wrap.

Made with a freshly cracked Canadian free-run egg and processed cheese, which is what they call American cheese up here. I guess they have no concept of American.
Oh, interesting. Processed cheese.

Topped with spicy abanero sauce, shredded lettuce, tomato, and a crashy, a crispy hash brown, all wrapped in a soft white flour tortilla. Now, Emma, what did I text y'all? That some bitch had a kick.

And I'm a bit of a heat seeker. And there actually was a little bit of a burn here, which I was pleasantly surprised by.

I enjoyed this wrap. I would not normally get the McDonald's breakfast wrap.
It's just not a sort of thing I do. I don't really want to start the day.

I just feel like it's with a low-quality tortilla. I'd rather have like the biscuit there or whatever or the McGriddles, but it was pretty good.

The other thing I did is I got, I had Ashburns we want to talk about, and I also had a coffee, but the Canadian version I had is the double double, which is what they call, don't, don't, you're not thinking about in an outburger, which I know you are.

Coffee, it's, it's a double double is two creams, two sugars. They have this at Tim Hortons.
I had it at Tim Hortons. I found it punishingly sweet.

Um, it's also a very white coffee, adds 210 calories, which is a lot to a medium coffee.

And here, I think it was a little better, but it may be just because I like the McDonald's coffee more than the Tim Hortons coffee, but it still was just a little too sweet for me, but it was an interesting experience.

I also got the chocolate brownie muffin. And, Mitch, that's another thing that you got at before Little Canada.

Um, this is a moist liquor brownie with a decent taste of chocolate mixed with sweet chocolate chips and topped with crunchy brownie pieces. I mean, it was just a chocolate muffin.

I don't think there was anything brownie-like about it, but it was fine. Wise, well, just like you, I'm a bit of a chichu de chaleur

heat seeker

and uh uh

de chaleur. Yes, is Toronto really known as like a French? Okay,

it's Montreal a million times over, but I was doing it too, but like that's you made a bit out of it.

Canada has two official languages, French and English. So we're trying to do, and you'll see signage will be in both at most most places.
So chats instead of cats.

The for the moment, you didn't see that the cats and chats. You don't

shot shots.

Chats, chats, chats, chats, chats.

now. We're talking.
Every feeling.

Oh, that was good. I too got the

drop.

I too got the breakfast wrap. Breakfast wrap.
It's a breakfast wrap.

Egg, bacon, sizzle, sizzle.

Give me that mayo, drizzle. Oh, very good.
Drizzle a mayo.

Pretty good. Pretty good.
wrapping some breakfast. I did one.
Another drop. Another drop.
Another drop.

Take a crack at a couple of drops. Send him in the drop king.
He'll have some notes for you. It's a workshop you can enroll in.
Take a crack like that. But he gets you.
The numbers show.

He gets you on the show. He gets you on the show.
It takes a year at least and a couple of rounds of notes. Play the game, climb the ladder, work your way up.
You will get on the show.

Speaking of cracks, the crack of that fresh egg going in my breakfast wrap. There was two eggs in there, Wags.
Delicious. Yeah.

The The kick, there was a kick to that bad boy, to that some bitch. Yeah, that's right.

And two eggs in there, which I appreciated. Lettuce, though.
Do you need lettuce? I did not need the lettuce. Mitch, that is a great point.
I absolutely did not need the lettuce in there.

Who needs breakfast lettuce? I generally don't need breakfast.

It's weird. Yeah.

You don't need the breakfast. What is the lettuce? Because my thing today had lettuce, and it just kind of gives a little bit of a crunch, I guess, but like the McDonald's lettuce is just soggy-ish.

Like it's, there's so few crackles in there. The shredded iceberg lettuce

usually is like a

you know, a neutral at best. Yeah.
If you get bad version of it, like, when you taste it, it's like just kind of old. But if you get the fresh stuff, it works.
It's a little crunch.

The breakfast I liked quite a bit, Wax. We got it before.
I'm hoping to get some little crunches today when I trick a treat with your wife? When I trick a treat this afternoon. Oh, you're all right.

Little crunches, little fun-sized crunch bucks. You want to join me in the monster squad? Yes, I do.
You got to pretend to be a monster. I don't know which one you can patch.

i'll be uh uh who's that dashingly handsome monster that um everyone loved he had a great personality who is that there we go

uh leprechaun he's uh it's dr jekyll oh that's what he is dr jekyll yeah um

we're going to little canada and we're over at little canada It's a little bit far. And you know,

Hanford, you experienced this this morning. I'm the guy who's stressing out about time.
Mitch is like,

don't worry about it.

The truth lies somewhere in the middle.

I didn't think we had enough time for you to go to McDonald's and get breakfast. I thought we had to go get to Little Canada.
You were like, you're like, we'll be okay. It'll take like 10 minutes.

The guy, Jay, who helped us out at Lil Canada, who was a delight, absolute delight, as were all the staff there. He was like, he was like, oh, yeah, it's right there.

And to me, it looked like way far down the block because the sign was small, but it was like

a five-minute walk. I said, start timer.
I bet you I can do this in 10 minutes, which I think I would have been, or 15 minutes. Which I think I would have been close to.

Yeah, it was, it was, I did start the timer. It was closer to 22 to 25 minutes.
But that we sat down. We sat down at eight.
I was going to get the food and bring it back. I would have been back.

It worked out fine. You were correct.
And I'm glad that Jay, who was a local and had that local knowledge of the area, guided us through it.

Jay also told us because we said, Does breakfast stop at 10:30? The big daddy question. We weren't sure.

Does breakfast start? Does breakfast stop at 10:30 or 11? Jay was confident that it stopped at 11. He was like, It's 11.
Like, he just knew it. And I went over there and he was right.

If he was wrong, I was going to littlize him.

I littleize him.

that's what i should do with quincy

eat it not eat it i mean littleize it and just kind of see what happens

you're gonna downsize him downsize quincy

yeah so we went over there we we we had we had the time yeah

we got that breakfast wrap i also did the what was the meat breakfast wrap the the uh oh shit i think it was just a bacon egg and cheese wrap there was baked but there was sausage too basically bacon there's sausage in there i'll look up

keep talking i'll look up the exact name of of the menu item.

Which I liked quite a bit, but it didn't have that kick, that kick from

the egg and hash brown. And I loved the little hash brown in there, too.
That was the one. Yeah, the hash brown.
That was great for texture. The McDonald's hash browns.
Little just

cut up?

Kind of like a little square guy.

It wasn't like the regular. Well, it probably was maybe cut up, I guess.
It was the sausage, bacon, and egg breakfast wrap is what it was. That's the one.
Yeah, and that also had a hash brown inside.

Which it was good as hell. It was good.

I love that.

The other thing that we got is the donuts. We got little donuts.
Yeah, and they have

these little guys.

They're just tiny little donuts. They're like donuts to Homer Simpson.
What is that? I wish. They're cute as fuck.
They were cute as well. I wish I had a good Homer Simpson impression.

I so wish right now. Did somebody say donuts? I know.
I can't do it. I can't do it.
Happy Halloween, Bart. Be safe outside.

Happy Halloween, Homer. Have a free beer.
Oh, wow. A free beer on Halloween.
Hey, Bart, can I go with you too? To trick-or-treat? Wow, wow, Mill House is here. Hey, hi, Mill House.
Hi, Homa.

Let's all go. Hey, it's Bonnie.
I hope we all go to church together on Sunday. Yes, that's right.
Halloween is spooky, and we need to go worship the Christian God. Yes.

To level things out. Homie, I'm wearing my Holly Queen costume.

You look very attractive, Marge. Oh, homie, stop doing your catchphrase.

And scene. Wow.
We're improvisers.

You said you gave it up. Yeah, right.

I can't give it up.

We got the, we got a, we got, you got a sixer of these little some bitches.

The double glaze little donut, the Boston cream little donut, the sprinkle little donut, the cookies and cream little donut, and the maple caramel little donut.

L-I apostrophe L donut, which is a lot of fun. The maple cream, I usually don't like that, the maple cream type stuff.
Yeah, maple caramel. And it was, it was,

it had it inside. It was like a filled donut, which I was not expecting.
It's pretty fucking fucking good. Pretty good.
I also like that Boston cream. Boston cream was good.

Sprinkle was maybe my favorite. I love sprinkles, and it's, you know, I just, it's like akin to a birthday flavor.
The double glaze was fine. The cookies and cream tasted like nothing.

That was the weirdest one. Yeah.
I had no flavor to the cookies and cream part. When I moved out of L.A., they called me Boston Cream for a while.

They did. Sorry, I'm looking something up that was pertinent, but I can't find it now.

Hammer,

we were in Boston Pizza the other day. No relation to Boston at all.
Ooh. That's right.
But Funny the Way It Is by Dave Matthews band was playing in the very appropriate video.

We didn't talk about the Boston Pizza ads that were playing in the background because

they had music videos that were intercut with their Boston Pizza TV commercials. Is that a Canadian? I've never heard of it.
Yes, it's a Canadian chain. It's very big in Canada.

And they had a, one of them was like a, was like someone in like a gimp suit. Like, and they were like kind of.
No, that was the music video. That was the music video?

That wasn't a Boston Pizza advisor. Night sales music video.
Okay. I was like, what the fuck is this ad? You You were at the Much Music headquarters.

The other one was a Boston Pizza ad, though, right? Where the one they were doing, like the Night of the Roxbury head shave. No, that was a music video.
Wait, what?

They were playing music videos, you freak. I thought that was a Boston pizza ad.
Did we, was it on the episode? Ads in their own place.

Come here, more. Did you tell me that one was a Boston pizza ad? I mean, maybe I, you fool, I lied to you.

Did we do it on the episode when you asked Joe what it was like to wear the mask, and I told you it it was like when you have a ball gagging. Yeah,

I just, I didn't know if we had done it or not, but

this brings up another point to get to.

We were driving over here today, and then

it's funny the way it is, reminds me of this. You were saying, I don't know Rush, Canadian band Rush.
Yes.

Which maybe has been resolved by this point.

We're recording a little loudest suit goats. We're plotting a Doughboys double episode where

maybe we'll get you up to speed on Rush's discography. I do not know YYZ.
I probably have heard YYZ before at some point in my life.

Is that their main, like their big it's one of their instrumentals, yeah? But you said an album? No, it's it's a track. Oh, it's off of moving pictures.
See, he doesn't know that well either.

And then in the car, you said, I said, I know Rush. And you said, you didn't know Tom Sawyer.
What of the roast was today's Tom Sawyer? And you're like, what's that?

Today's Tom Sawyer. I was like, what the fuck are you talking about? I don't get it.
If you just heard those words, yeah, I would not jump right to Rush.

In the context of a Canadian roast, though, I don't know what the fuck is that.

It's fine, everything's fine. You know, the stay Tom, so you mean, mean pry.
Yeah, you know.

Can I prove it any more than that? No, I believe you. I don't know why you have to prove it.
Because these people,

these Halloween, these people out trick-or-treating and listening to us. Oh, they'll jump on you for not knowing who Rush is.
Yeah. Hmm.
Yeah.

Well, don't you think maybe it's time they got something better to do?

Leave Mitch alone. He knows a lot about music.
Yeah, I do. You do, but we all have our blind spots.
I don't know that. I had to, like, earlier where I confused Kenny Rogers for Michael McDonald.

I think that they kind of look similar.

I didn't look. I didn't know.
I wouldn't know much of anything about Dave Matthews' band if it weren't for you. So, like, we all have our blind spots.

Well, we were saying, you were saying, like, with the fifth most known Rush song, would you know the fifth most known Dave Matthews song? I think Dave Matthews, maybe you would know the fifth.

I might, yeah, but it's also Dave Matthews, I think, was had more commercial success than Rush.

What are Rush's big like Tom Sawyer and Tom Sawyer's light spirit of radio? I think is the radio. All right, we're gonna get into this in a double.
Mind Light's a song, right? Minelight, yeah, yeah.

We might get into this in a double. We'll see what happens.
Roll the bones.

Because it happened because it happens. Roll the bones.

Roll the bones. We'll talk about it.
We'll talk about it. Getty Lee has a big.
Are we here?

Because we're here. Roll the bones.
Getty Lee has a big baseball collection, signed baseball collection. That's amazing.
Yeah, that's a cool thing to do. You see it on Instagram.

It was like, you know, he's probably got a mansion somewhere, and he walks in this like oak room with all these tons of balls over the walls. That's so cool.

Balls on the walls, he said. Roll the bones appropriate for today's episode.
Halloween episode.

Roll. You're right.
That's right. You can just rush.
Rush to get that candy, kids.

I remember when that bird was in McDonald's, the bird said, you know, my favorite rush song is Roll the Hollow Bones. That's right.

I didn't know what the fuck he was talking about.

Because just like you, Mitch, I heard that. I was like, wow, I wouldn't jump.

Hearing Roll the Hollow Bones, I wouldn't immediately think Rush. Which does bring up the question:

is there some sort of bird rush band that exists? Well, there, I looked it up. There's a bird rush band.
Oh, there is a bird rush. You know what their name is? What? Nest.

Instead of kneel pert, it's a fly pert is their drummer. Yeah, oh.
Because he doesn't kneel, he flies.

And then.

Getty B, Birds and the B. Yeah, it's Getty B.
Yeah, like Birds and B's, yeah.

And Alex Lifeson

is Alex

Birdson.

Alex

Birdson.

You know what? The bird kingdom is crazy. It's crazy.
Can't you imagine being up there with all those freaks? I'd be yelling at you. I threw a fry to the bird, and then a lady came and scared him off.

Yeah, right.

Yeah, she was almost kicking him. I saw a blue jay the other day.
I was in Massachusetts. I got up early.

I was walking my brother's dog and I saw this blue jay just going back and forth to the street. And I think blue jays are known to be like very territorial.
Oh, interesting.

And like, kind of like mean to other, not mean, mean, I guess. They have feelings, but like they like pick on other birds to get them away from their stuff.

You can tell this one was really like running the, I was in a, like a sort of

town square, let's call it.

But you can tell he was kind of like running things in the wow. And I took note.
Was it Vlad Guerrero Jr.?

Well, no, but at one point, the bird was hitting me with a baseball bat. Oh, my God.
Dear Lord. Terrifying.
All right. All right.
Let's get on track. You know what's crazy about?

Because I was talking to this bird a little bit because the new Zelda game is out, right?

And I was like, in our Zelda, I don't know if you know about this. There's the, they're the Rito.

Was he like, wait, Canadian or American Zelda? You're like, no, but I said, no, I meant human Zelda. I said, in human Zelda.

I said, fair question, understandable question, but I'm talking about human Zelda. And human Zelda, in the Zelda universe, in the Zelda canon, there are the Rito, who are the bird-like, you know,

anthropomorphic human-bird creatures. And I was like,

do they have Rito in Bird Zelda? And he was like, well, no, because that's just normal to us. Yeah.

So we actually have.

We have Ito.

They're styled after Judge Ito from the O.J. Simpson tribe.

There's a tribe of Judge Ito. There's a tribe of Judge Edos.

You know who would love that? Jay Leno.

Let me try out this new Zelda game.

Come on, Jay. That's the Danthing Ito.
Yeah, they raised the games.

Get the Master Sword, Jay. Come on.

You know, I was talking to that bird. I was like, oh, there's no drive-through here.
He's like.

I remember, yeah, I overheard this conversation. Yeah, he was like, he's like, drive-through?

You mean fly-through? And I said, no, no, drive-through. Yeah, yeah.

Well, we don't usually drive too much.

Some of us have cars, but we don't drive much.

Should we keep going here? Yeah, well, we'll keep going. I mean, with the episode, should we stop? What do you think, Emma?

I don't know. You mean just the episode or the whole podcast? We just like nuke the whole thing? I think it's actually one of our best episodes.
I think it's going great.

When you guys are done with doing Doughboys, when you stop doing this podcast altogether,

will you go and just erase all the episodes from the net? That's a great question. That would be cool if you...
Purge them all. They're just gone for

it. You can delete everything but post episode 400 that we deleted.
Wow, I like that. That's all that exists.
Really? Oh, that also you probably have a copy of.

You're the only other person.

Yeah, but I didn't keep it. Like, I just listened to it on the...
I should have downloaded it, but I just listened to it on whatever the. Oh, so I am the only one.
Yeah, you're the only one. You fool.

You have the power to keep it. I know, but I didn't think it would be that.

I didn't know the power I wielded at the time.

That's what that was. Susser was pissed because he thought he was the only one who heard it.
And you're like, Mike had it.

I forgot to.

He was like, what? I thought I was the only one.

Birds have fly-throughs instead of drive-thrus. Water under the bridge.
Yeah, yeah. You know how they get to the airport? How's that? They fly.
Oh.

So we had drive-through. Hanford, so we had this breakfast on our own.
A couple days later, we meet you at the McDonald's near our hotel.

I have in my notes, a bird came into the restaurant. Did we talk about that at all? Yeah, we cover that.

We touched on it all that.

So we got the Big Arch. This is a Canadian exclusive.
Every feather on that topic. So they're so they say.

So they say.

Keep going, Roger. So I got a.

This is the Big Arch is two 100% Canadian beef patties layered with three slices of white processed cheese and topped with crispy onions, slivered onions, pickles, lettuce, so onion stewways, and delicious arch sauce served on a toasted

served on a toasted sesame and poppy seed bun yes this is the thing the poppy seeds yeah are added to the sesame seeds you get two seeds on this thing uh i was talking to that bird and that bird was like where's my bird seed yeah two seeds no wonder why the damn thing got him in the building

multiple seeds

you know i got a bird feeder up back this is true i put a bird feeder up back at my house

here in uh in los angeles yeah and squally and irma watching them all day long you know what you should get i got for my mom for her birthday she loved it a little um a little uh it looks like a picnic table that like sticks into the wall or

sticks into a tree and squirrels go up and eat it.

That's adorable. Sure.

I thought a sandwich for your mom. It's a good gift.
It's a good mom gift. Here's the thing.

I would have rather just had a, this is one of those things I'd rather just had a Big Mac or a, you know, two patties, a double quarter pounder with cheese.

I mean, like, this is like a double quarter pounder with different sauce, with two types of onions, with different cheese.

And I just feel like all these different components, all these changes, changes, I'm just like, it stops tasting like the McDonald's I enjoy. You know what I mean? To some degree.
Yeah, I don't know.

Grant, one of the producers at Twisted Metal

informed me of the big arch. This isn't Hugh Grant, is it? It is.
It's Hugh Grant.

Is he still

in

his Oompa Loopa custom? I met Hugh Grant while I was up here. Really? That's cool.
I want to. Is he on the show? I want to TIFF screening of Heretic.
Wow.

I went with Patty and Jono from the the show to very cool.

Yeah, he wouldn't take us.

Is that the bird? Patty Atoma.

I was really hoping my impression would just nail.

I thought it was the bird. Yeah.
No, I just need more.

I needed more. And I got into this screening

because of

the wonderful Mrs. Commissioner.
Mrs. That's right.

Jamie. Jamie got me into this screening.
Yes.

And

it was a great movie. I had a lot of fun watching it.
Also, I believe, got you into Megalopolis. Is that correct? That is also true.
Yeah. She did get me into Megalopolis.

She rules. She pulled a lot of strings.
Thank you, Jamie. Thank you, Jamie.
We love you. Also, for the amazing commissioner certificate we got earlier.
Yes.

And also for putting up with our bullshit when we take away your husband for stupid. I mean, he also tries to come down and eat a lot of our food, to be fair, but we do take him away from you.

He was married to a bird?

Married to Evan Susser. Ah.

Well, we were talking about something coming down and eating our food.

Susser texts.

I didn't realize once Susser and his wife come up, we don't joke at all. I'm so sorry.

The bird jokes we don't do when.

Not when we're talking about the sussers. Now we're talking about the sussers.
This guy runs a lot of this stuff. Susser texted us earlier, what are you bringing me back from Canada?

Sounds like he wants some maple syrup. He does.
Yeah. I think he wants some Hawkins cheesies.
We'll figure it out. Okay, Okay, we'll figure that out.
But I talked to Hugh Grant.

I was trying to talk to people.

I was being annoying and I was trying to

talk to the director.

And I was like, what lenses did you use?

I asked him which lenses they used.

And I was like, I'm going to talk to Hugh Grant. I'm going to talk to Hugh Grant.
And so he has a lot of monologues in the movie. And so I went to talk to Hugh Grant.

Oh, I know what movie you're talking about. Yeah, that looks good.

And I tapped him on the shoulder and I was like, Hey, and then they were like, It's Hugh's birthday,

and they were like, Happy

best friend's birthday to you. And it was like you and me facing each other.
I was singing happy birthday to Hugh Grant. Wow, I was like, Happy birthday to you.

He was looking at me the entire, like, it was fucking weird,

and it was so, it was like the worst timing to do it. And they sang happy birthday to him, and then uh, looking right at you,

and then afterwards i was like i finally got to talk to him uh and the the lovely uh the the lead actress there sophie uh thatcher sophie thatcher yes she's great and she was a big fan of love

and uh who isn't in these troubled times that's a great point and uh so i talked to her for a while i finally got to talk to you grant and i said to him i said uh i asked him the dumbest question i said I said, how do you memorize all those lines?

That's what I said to him. Really? Yeah.
Because he monologues like the whole movie.

He monologues the whole movie.

He's like, just has a ton of monologues. And he said, it was like learning a dance.
That's what he said to me. Wow.

How do you memorize lines? Because when you audition stuff,

do you have like a

you got a lot of lines you get to do for this season of twisted metal? Yeah, yeah. How do you how do you get those? Did you just like read, read, read it all? I read them all.

I'll tell you, I forget them a lot.

Somebody told me I was asking an actor, like a stage actor, how they memorize lines. And she was like, you connect them to like movements.
Oh, that's like, oh, okay.

Yeah, sometimes if you do something that helps, I feel like, do you, do you not have the rehearsal app?

I just, I just is it the one that where the scrolls, yeah, and you, and then you just do the other lines, and then so if you're here, I think once you hear the other lines, it helps you remember so much more.

That's what I do a lot. Yeah, well,

we'll network.

I always make it feel like I'm missing a trick. When it acts in sketches, or that's the hardest, I was like, I can't ever get fucking remember all this shit.

How do I keep all it's like keeping a whole sketch in my head was such a challenge. And then you see, watch someone do a play.
It's like, you're doing a whole play. How do you remember all that shit?

But you're right. You know what? Acting is maybe one of the hardest things to do.

But then when you're doing a play, like you do it every single day. Yeah.
That's got to be also a challenge to like

not just be like, like, do them as if they're nothing. Remember? I guess where the craft, that's where the craft comes in.
I guess so. Remember when we did hot dogging? Hot dogging was the

big first show. Big show.
And we did that so many times. I think I could still do that show now.

I know.

If I got like. The lines leading up to stuff, I might be able to do it.
I don't know. Maybe not.
What's going on out here? What are you boys doing? That's the first line I had. Get out of here, Mitch.

That's why I didn't know the lines.

we're

we're doing something that's the old lady who's the pop he's in the sketch

uh anyway that i met i met hugh grant what oh cool oh grants grant uh one of the producers for twisted metal great man yeah he's saying that his name is hugh and it's happy birthday to you that's a that's crazy a happy birthday to hugh it kind of works great yeah if you forget the a guy named hugh's name and it's

his birthday you can just sing happy birthday dear you and it kind of you can get away with it yeah get away with it, yeah.

I mean, you're not gonna know that you're not gonna know that you got away with it until maybe later. Yeah, and someone's like, That was Hugh Grant.
I was like, Oh shit, do you know my name?

Or is it just that you sounds like you?

Um, I know your name, but I don't know your age.

Uh, Grant was like, Hey, there's this big arch. He was telling me about this big arch, yeah, and uh, you're like, Yeah, in St.
Louis. I fucking know about it.

It's common knowledge in the United States.

Uh, which their mascot is a a bird, Cardinals.

That's true.

Yeah. The red bird.
The red bird. Yeah.

The bird, but the bird in the restaurant toilet said that was his favorite baseball team. Oh, the one at McDonald's.
Yeah, not the Blue Jays.

He doesn't like, he's like, he likes the, he's like, I don't like the Blue Jays, like the Cardinals.

Damn.

Maybe the territorial thing or something.

So Grant said the big arch. He said, you got to try the big arch.
And I was like, I'll wait for you to try it. I got drunk.
I tried it that night. Yeah.
I didn't wait for him. I felt bad.

Sorry, Grant.

And you know what else, Wags? Yeah.

It's what it was the thunder and lightning night. That same night.
Wow. Creepy.

And so

I ate it and I kind of loved it the first time I had it. I ate it.
Like, look,

guilty ass charge.

I don't think it's it's as good as a Big Mac. I like a Big Mac more.
It's a little too beefy. Le Big Mac.
Le Big Mac. We talked about this.
We got a really non-beefy Big Mac today, but

we talked about the burgers at Harvey's and how they just kind of have like an Angus thicker taste. Yeah.
I didn't.

Like you can taste the burger. Did you ever go to the Sex Workers Harvey?

I'm going to say this. This is not an appropriate term anymore, I don't believe, but they called it the Hooker Harvey's.

Did you know about this? I know. I don't think I've been to a Harvey.
I think I need to see it. Arnie's not Harvey's.
She She knows what we're talking about.

We brought it up on a previous Harvey's logo. I can't really picture it.
Yeah, yeah. Yeah, if you Google Hooker Harvey's, the address will come up on Google.
It's like even Google knows it as.

Okay, all right.

I'm just looking up

the Harvey's. I just don't know if we're going to have time.
Let's go tonight.

Okay. Sounds like we should try.
I mean, we got McDonald's already. I just like.

We already got a Harvey's. Well, maybe we'll do something nice for dinner tonight.
There's a lot better food that we haven't eaten in this. Yeah, I just want like a fucking salad or something.

All right. We'll figure it out.
We'll give you a a salad and we'll get you out of here. It's not like it's I'm eating more food in the last 24 hours than I normally do in like a week.

We went to Lee Restaurant last week. We had a lovely dinner.
We had a lovely dinner last night at Lee Restaurant. I think that kind of works for me as like the big dinner of the trip.

You're getting out before you're celebrating my birthday. We're not going to celebrate my birthday.
Jesus Christ. I knew this was going to be a fucking thing.

Oh, poor,

what a complaint that he doesn't want his friend to celebrate his birthday. You know, who is going to? This friend right here.
The man.

And he's He's excited about it. We're going to see him.
We're going to see Joker. Yeah.
Right? Yeah. Hey, that one.
Whatever you want to see, but I thought that would be. No, but that's nice.

Just enjoy your salad alone. This is a good birthday celebration for me, you piece of shit.
We can go have a nice.

I thought we had a nice dinner last night. We can go have a nice dinner for you.
Let's go have a cone. Why don't we have a cone? I'd love to have a cone.
I love getting some ice cream. We got some.

We went out and got some ice cream a couple nights ago. It was a lot of fun.

Have you gone to Eva's yet? No, I haven't. That's on my list.
I want to go. I haven't gone yet.
It's so good.

Is this a creamery? It is a creamery, but it's what are the cones called? I forget what they're called, but they're like chimney cones.

Yeah, they're like a pastry kind of cone that they wrap around something and bake, and then they fill it with ice cream. So it's not, that sounds kind of deliberate.
It looks delimited at that time.

It was the best thing I ate at the X. I ate it at the X and it was fantastic.
We went to Summer's and we had ice cream. Anyway, all right, get back.
Big arch. Big arch.

I think our verdict is maybe kind of split.

What did you feel this second time eating it?

I like it. I think I like.
I mean, I like the Big Mac more. The Big Mac is just perfect.
Yeah. And this is like a fun, it still has a good McDonald's taste.

It doesn't taste like the burger doesn't taste that different. No, the burger tastes McDonald's.

It's true. It's just like enough components have been changed where it starts to feel like something else entirely to me.
But I like the Big Arch sauce. I don't know.
I think it's all right.

I think the thing that absolutely did not work, which I wanted to try because I saw this on the menu available and I was like, I'm amazed that this is available in Canada by default, is the Big Mac no Meat.

I've never heard of a no-meat thing ever. Like, it's always the no-bread substitute.
No, you get a Big Mac no meat, and it is three buns, sauce, cheese, and lettuce.

I was mad at you when you ordered it, and then I was mad when I ate it. Yeah,

it was truly bad. It was really awful.
It was, it was, it was, it was bad. Yeah.
I mean, it just, I didn't try it. You need the beef in there, turns out.

But you said it was better than eating plain hot dog buns.

It was better than when we did, um, you know, we did a dog doe bark fest, a month-long deliberation of hot dogs and pet dogs a few years back, and I was not eating any meat, and I had just buns all month.

It was a better experience than that. I can't remember his sketch lines, but

I can't remember an episode we did a month ago, two months ago. I'll say this.
Yeah.

You can't necessarily say that it's bad because it is like all the components of Bing Back, but it's just like the lettuce is so on display. It's like eating a lettuce sandwich.

It stops being a menu item. It's just like its own thing.
It feels like the beef is more just like more of a texture or consistency thing. Like it would feel weird to bite into something that's just

yeah, right. Yeah, I don't know.
Uh,

you got the sweet chili junior chicken. Yep.

Your taste buds will be singing a whole new tune with a remix: sweet chili junior chicken, made with Canadian raised crispy seasoned chicken topped with crunchy shredded lettuce, tangy sweet chili sauce, and mayo-style sauce, all on toasty bit, toasty bun.

Your taste buds sing a different song. Yep, they came in singing the

American national anthem, and I was singing the Canadian on the way out. Anyway,

we can edit that out, I'm sure.

I'm sure we have the technology. No, no, we can't do it.
No, it's got to stay in, baby. All right, that's fine.
That's fine.

I just stumbled because I couldn't think of what the American national anthem was called. The Star-Spangled Banner.
That's right. Yeah, we love it.

I got the chicken sandwich. The habanero sauce was the kicker there.
Yes.

Do we know what, Wise? Do we know who wrote O Canada? Because Francis Scott Key wrote the lyrics to,

you know, a Star-Spangled Banner. I don't know

who's the author of the O Canada lyrics. That's a good way to look it up.
Question. Francis Scott Key.
That may have been.

Hmm. I have to think for just a second.

Because if it's Francis Scott Key, I'm looking at

America. Think about that.
Yeah. It's probably

Franc

Scott Bird. Fob

Bird.

I just looked it up. You want to know who it is? Yeah, who?

You guys are going to kick yourself when I tell you who it is. Yeah.
You don't want to take a guess?

Alanis. No.
Damn. She's way too young.

You got one?

You're going to be shocked. Are you ready? I'll guess.

Is it someone we would know? Like, we've heard this. Oh, you would know who it is.
We would know who it is? 100%.

Tell me who it is. Who is it? Dudley Dewright.

That's crazy. I would argue that the animators actually wrote the song then.

What are you talking about?

They started talking about.

Oh, nothing big, just that Dudley Dew Wright is a fucking tune.

I would love it. Like I've said before, and

this is probably a platform I'll run on when I try to take over Quincy. We need to get these tunes off the street screens and into the streets.

I want to see these little guys. I want to see the Smurfs.
You want some sort of Roger Rabbit society.

I can get behind it. And that movie set us back so many years.
I know. Because it doesn't have to go down that way.
Yeah. Oh, Canada.
This guy's going to originally write. That guy's a big dip guy.

Go ahead. I love the dip.

Oh, Canada

was originally written in French.

It's a French language song that was adapted into English. Sir Adolph Basil Rothier wrote the French version, and then it was the most famous English language version is by Robert Stanley Ware.

So there you go. I don't know if the listeners will like this episode, but I'm having a blast.
I'm having fun. They'll learn a few things about birds at least.
Did you like that sandwich?

That I like. I had a bite of it.
It tasted pretty damn good.

It was pretty much what they do in the U.S., but that sauce was the best. Yeah, the nice little tangy kick there.
Best is the wrong word, but it was nice. You also got a cheeseburger and fries.
Yep.

How did those compare to their U.S. counterparts? Fries, exactly the same.
And cheeseburger, yeah, pretty much the same. Emma, you got yourself a double cheeseburger.
Yeah.

How'd you like that, sunbitch? It was delicious. And

Mars, remind me what we brought over to you.

Was it the BLT? It was their belt, their bacon, egg, lettuce, tomato.

What I love that they have in the McDonald's Canada menu is they can do things on bagels, on like sesame bagel, everything bagel. I think they're out when you guys.

So I just got on the McMuffin, which isn't as good. Was yours a breakfast?

Yeah, okay.

How was that bad boy? They were doing breakfast and lunch when we were there.

Well, mine's a few hours old at this point. But usually when it's fresh on a bagel, it is quite nice.
However, it can be really hit or miss. Sometimes if the bagel is like freshly toasted, it's great.

Sometimes they toast it too hard and it can be a solid rock. So it's really on both ends of the space.
The lettuce, too. The lettuce is always a question mark.
You never tell.

I think I like the lettuce. It adds some freshness to all the yellow and brown to it.

Do you have a favorite bagel? Everything bagel. Do you have a favorite?

Is there like a good bagel scene in Toronto? Is that more of a Montreal thing? I love a Montreal-style bagel.

I've actually been on a quest to find the best everything Montreal-style bagel, and my current favorite is at bagel time. Bagel.

In Toronto? Yeah, in Toronto, a super light bagel. They're kind of sweeter.
I could eat like three of them, and I still won't be full.

I think every time I have a bagel sandwich there, I always think, damn, that was a really good bagel. Wow.

Is it a big, is it a big, like eating three bagels to me seems like a bagel is too big to eat. I just rotate.
No, they're quite small and they got a big hole to them. So

there you go. Burger time video game, right? Yeah.

It was a video time yeah peter pepper the chef was trying to build giant burgers oh it was peter pepper by stepping on the stuff to make yeah full not particularly sanitary which uh you know what he must have been littleized because those burgers were way bigger than him exactly what happened when a little cam they got littleized and he was like well i gotta monetize this thing somehow i'll make some burgers because that was in game that was like an arcade game in like the 80s there was an arcade game yeah so that was before you could big big eyes stuff you couldn't they wouldn't have big-eyed burgers there was no way to big eyes you think he was just in there

You think he was just in the machine? He was just in there.

He'd be like, well, that's the thing. They're all in the machine.
And then at night when

the arcades close, they go to Game Central Station and they hang out. Oh, right.
Yeah, they like talk. I like Zane Geef, you know, gets to chat with Sonic and so forth.
Okay, so the. Hold on a second.

I got to say, bagel belts are a thing here in Canada. I haven't had a bagel belt.
I know you can get one at Tim Hortons, but bagel belts. Bagel belt.
Can you try wearing one through Queen's Park and

the squirrels next?

Have you seen the squirrels are all black? Yeah, that's cool. That's cool.
Yeah, it's cool. I've heard the black squirrels will attack you.

Isn't that a thing? Is that true? I have personally never been attacked or seen anyone get attacked.

But if you are like on a campus where people are known to feed the squirrels, sometimes they get a little overconfident. You like jump out of you.

I mean, I do remember being able to, especially in Queen's Park. That's Queen's Park, right near.
Yeah. I'd have to cross that to get to most of my classes.

Yeah, the squirrels would come right up to you. Wow.

I saw, I told you, I saw some foxes on the University of Toronto. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Little red foxes. It was very cute.
We talked about it on a video. We talked about it, yeah.

We'll post the video.

I got to check out bagel time.

Always bagel time for me. I'm a big bagel fan.
All right, so the other Canadian exclusive thing we had was the poutine.

Rich and tasty gravy,

melty, mouth-watering cheese curds on our world-famous fries. You better believe it.
So here's the issue with the poutine, Mitch, and you articulated this well.

It just wrecks the key element of the McDonald's fries, which is the crispy texture. And Emma didn't hear us making that point.
She made the same point just a minute later. Yeah.
Oops. No, no, no.

Me not listening at lunch. What? No, I mean, I'm saying

I made this point, and then you tried them, and you made the point, too. I mean, it was gross.

They just get kind of mushy. But this is the thing.
I've had poutine, I think, four times, maybe five times

while I've been up here. This was my least favorite execution of poutine.
I think the curds were not melted enough. I thought they were just kind of like inert.

I thought the gravy was just like lacking in flavor versus some other ones I've had. And I've just also just give me the, give me the, if, if you're not better than the default, why fucking bother?

And I'd rather just have the McDonald's fries as they come. It's like, it's the way McDonald's does, remember when they would do like pizza?

I never had it, but it's like, I could imagine what that is. Same way with the poutine.
I was like, I can picture what this is going to be when it comes out.

Just a mess of like subtracting the qualities of everything else. One other issue.
It's not called McPoutine.

Come on, write McPoutine on the packaging. What are we doing here?

Well, I get it. Yeah.

I get what you're saying.

And the thing, though, the frustration on top of that is that there is a fry varietal we were more excited to try, which is the McShakers.

They have a ramen McShaker fries, Tzitsiki McShaker fries, Churros McShaker fries, and Masala McShaker fries.

This is like a spice package that comes and then you put it into the bag and you shake it up. You know, there's some other fast food chains.
Tommy's used to have something like this.

Tommy's a good burger. That's a really I do like that Tommy's burg.

But they did not have this in stock at this McDonald's, and we could not figure out how to order it online.

And again, the McDonald's Canada app is locked out for Americans, so we can find another location with it. But we did get the Smarties McFlurry and the Reese's Chippetts in Fudge McFlurry.

These are two Canadian exclusive

McFlurry varietals. We don't have Smarties as Canadians know them in the States.

That is a tablet candy, a sour candy in the U.S.

It is the chocolatey MM analog in Canada. And I thought the Smarties McFlurry was delightful.
I liked it a lot. You didn't like it as much as an MM McFlurry.
And I think this is where we disagreed.

At first. At first.
It was so the we talked about this. The texture of the Smarties, they're very crunchy.
Yes, the chunks like splinter into almost shrapnel. Yes.

And so up top, I mean, I know this too happens with the MMs that they get hard in the McFlurry.

But the shell is so crunchy up top. I still think I do like the M ⁇ M Flurry.
I wonder what you'll say, Emma. More so.
But I,

as I ate it more,

it wasn't like it wasn't mixed. And when I was going down lower and I was getting just a little bit of the Smarties, it was better.
There was just too much up top.

The snacks, here's what I was saying. There's a snack size and there's a regular.
I was like, we're sharing this. We got to get the regular.

So

I was wrong. We got the regular of the Smarties McFlurry and we got the snack size of the Reese's Chippets and Fudge McFlurry because I wasn't going to have that one because I had peanut butter chips.

The snack size was more than enough.

It's pretty big. It's big, but it also comes in packaging where it's like kind of folded paper.
Yeah.

It's like a kind of a different sort of, I assume, less wasteful versus the plastic cup that we get in the U.S. with a big plastic straw.
And I actually really liked it.

I thought it was fun to eat out of. It was cool.
It almost looked like

a Chinese food to go carrying

on the top like that. Yeah,

with the cold sweet cream inside. And I look, I thought that McFlurry was delightful.
I really enjoyed it. If you haven't noticed the ban on plastics in Canada,

in all these restaurants, we get wooden wooden spoons and forks and the oh yeah

there still seem to be you can't get plastic I think it's good I there still seem to be a lot of like plastic water bottles and plastic soda bottles there I'm kind of surprised those are so pervasive but I guess it's like one step at a time and we don't have any restrictions like that in the state put them in bags you put the milk in bags put everything on bags

I guess

I like cans give me fucking cans

glasses first

glass is great

glass is great but if you don't have glass because people are going to break glass, fine, give me a fucking can. You can't go wrong with glass.
You can't go wrong with glass, including the movie.

Great movie. Yeah, it's true.

Saw it with Busta Rhymes.

You see Shattered Glass?

No, it's a great movie.

You saw it with him in the theater? He was in the theater. I told you this.

He was sitting like this. I stepped in between his legs and I said, Thank you for everything you've done.
And he took his hand. And I left.

He also snored during the movie.

And then a guy whispered, It's Busta's birthday.

Good to sing to him

uh i still like the mcflurys i i liked look i liked the big arch shout out to archie action acton chankton's dad uh

what's up chankton's dad big arch uh i liked the big arch it was yeah

the honestly the real

the real loser of today's lunch Actually, the real loser of everything I've had

was that poutine. The poutine was a bummer.
Yeah. The poutine was a bummer, but everything else wasn't okay.
It just doesn't work at McDonald's. And I guess it's

Mars. Have you had McDonald's poutine? Is it a thing? People don't get it.
I would refuse it.

It truly seems like it's just meant for tourists who want to just try some poutine and they go to McDonald's.

But it's crazy because it is like, it's like the value menu. You can get it with fries or with poutine.
It just seems like it's.

Yeah, when you get a combo, you can upgrade to poutine, but it probably costs them very little to do it. I mean, it's just McDonald's fries are, we've said this before.
I mean, it won the tournament.

McDonald's fries were the best items in the McDonald's tournament. Yes, that's right.
Crispy, hot, salted, fresh McDonald's fries. Oh, everything from McDonald's, that one that

we did with the, that I did with the Taco Bell. Yeah, it was that, we did the same thing with McDonald's.
Every menu item at McDonald's and the fries one. And I think for good reason.

When they're hot and fresh and good, they're the best. Yeah,

they're one of the reasons to go to McDonald's. And this, yeah, it just takes away a lot of it.
I couldn't even tell if they were salted. You know what I mean? It just is.

Well, and I also had AW poutine over the course of this trip, you know, along with Harvey's poutine, Swiss Chalet poutine, but the A ⁇ W poutine in particular was like really good.

And the grass food poutine was it was delightful. It's just like night and day better than McDonald's.
Wait, what was delightful? The A ⁇ W poutine.

The Harvey's poutine was better than McDonald's poutine. Yeah, definitely.
They were all better. This was the worst poutine I had up here.
Yeah, for sure. She said that, yeah.

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All right, we should get to our final thoughts. Handman, you've done the podcast.
You know how this works. We'll go around.
We'll give it from zero to five forks this particular chain.

We're talking McDonald's Canada, Canada only. Your thoughts on McDonald's Canada, your fork score.
I mean, this is one of the McDonald's is one of the tops.

I didn't have anything that was, I mean, I had some of your guys' stuff, but my order,

I'm going to have five forks. Wow.
It's McDonald's. You know what I mean? It's like the, and nothing didn't, everything I had didn't taste different than

the U.S. It only added value was like the

that habanero sauce, which I said I liked. I'm going to go and I will, Mitch, I'll have you back clean up because you've had a little bit more time with McDonald's Canada.

I think you might have some more thoughts. I'm going to say this.

I thought that some of the Canadian exclusive items were not as exciting. Some of them really worked for me.

The overall experience of eating at McDonald's Canada, I feel like, is just a little bit more hospitable, a little bit more.

Yeah, yeah, sanitary than

you went to the bathroom. That bathroom.

Really? My bad? Yeah, we were in different bathrooms. Mine was decent.
Well,

you didn't do the night experience when the lights go out.

I'm assuming your listeners probably won't have that experience.

I went to two different McDonald's, and I only used the bathroom at one McDonald's, not the the one we went to today, but that McDonald's bathroom was occupied for a while.

I was ready for it to be disaster zone, and it was fine inside. It was pretty clean.
They couldn't leave because it was so nice.

And then there's just like a nice tableau. There's like flowers outside.
You know, it just feels like a nicer part of the world. It seemed like all the kiosks work.
The kiosks were all functional.

I always have a problem on those things. Either like I don't get a number or they just don't work or yeah.
Yeah. No,

that was all very functional. I thought the food quality was great.
And, you know, didn't you say when the guy finally came out, it was Grimace?

It was Grimace. Yeah, he was in there for a while.
Yeah. But he was all like all white.
Like all the.

He was thin and white.

And the toilet bowl was fucking pitched dark purple.

Oh.

Sorry, man.

Don't tell my boss.

Ronald.

At the end of the day, it is McDonald's. And I'm going to go for McDonald's Canada.
I'm going to go with five forks. Hey, didn't you say

the birdie? Birdie? Remember when the bird came in? Oh, yeah, he was like, I'm Ronald. And we were like, you're not Birdie?

All right, Mitch, I give it five forks. What do you think?

So, okay.

We're judging this based off of McDonald's Canada. Off of the Canadian side of the menu.
Items. Yeah.
Canadian items from the menu. Yeah.
It's a tough one.

When we went over there, I just want to quickly go over what I had. I had an orange juice.
I had a double-double as well. I had those two breakfast wraps.

I had the chocolate brownie muffin, and we did those little donuts. Yes, today I got a Coke.
I want to try the McDonald's Coke. I will say,

the American Coke is better than the McDonald's Coke. I threw the recipe away.
It wasn't spicy like I wanted it to be. Do they not have the same cartridges that we have in the States?

That's interesting. They might not have the special cylinders.
I had a Coke Zero, which I I wish they had at American McDonald's. They generally don't.
And my Coke Zero was a nice pour.

I've had a regular Coke there like three times. I've got a cool Coke thing to tell you when Mitch is done.

Let's hell it right now. Okay, you know those Coke, those freestyle machines? Yeah, yeah.
You know how Coke every once in a while, like this summer they had a flavor that was like...

It wasn't even like a fruit flavor. It was just like a, it was like called Dazzle or something stupid.

Those

freestyle machines are used, like they track the info on what people are getting. So they're basing these new flavors off of like the testing of like what

yeah, like that's all connected to uh us. So there's computers that are getting like grape raspberry orange.
Yeah. That's a popular combo.
And they're like, all right, well, let's

play with it and tweak it better or something like that. So what is going on? It's not a fun thing.
It's just like

Coke used to be so fun. Yeah.
And now they're just taking your damn idea. You're blowing this wide open.
How did you get this info? What was that noise? What was that noise? What was the chimes?

Hold on a second. How are you? How are you getting? How are you getting? I heard it on a podcast.
You heard it on a podcast?

That chime, which even comes on when I'm on set, is Wages. Here, you want

the bullshit detectors. I made that shit up.

It's my bullshit detector. That's real.
That is that. I heard that on a podcast.
I love it. Wages, what that is, is that

when I was up here,

my place almost got broken into.

Oh, it's your ring time. Jesus.

So I have a a camera set up so if there's if there's anyone in my backyard my back a little backyard stoop it knows because the the the place just a couple down from me which is connected to my place uh-huh uh got broken into they they they kicked the the window in and and robbed it and uh i was on set my phone died and i was like hey my phone died i said this to samoa joe and i went home and i plugged my phone in and i got a text from my neighbor that was like dude there's a guy robbing our places.

Your light's on in your house. And I was freaked out.

I saw my neighbor saw.

And

if they do that, Wally Nirma will get out and I'll kill them or myself. So

I have now installed a thing that no matter what, there's any movement in my backyard,

I will get a chime no matter what. The sound will go off.
What was that one? So is that okay with you, wise? So who's in your backyard? Yeah, I live in your backyard.

Well, squirrel. Guess who was in my backyard?

Word must have gone around because

there was a bird in my backyard. Wow.
He's right in the camera. He looks right into the fucking camera.
Wow.

Of course, I'll send it to you.

Freaking. There's no birds or birds around there.
He is close to the lens. You know what, Mitch? Get yourself a Blue Jay.
They wouldn't be high-stepping like that. This guy is looking right into my...

Into my freaking place.

Into the camera. Well, you can use this for

us and acting acting lessons because he's looking right at the lens and you see how bad that is that is

you don't do that yourself you'll be all right i do oftentimes look at what's going on in there

and i also now know that uh it's like a dance learning your lines is like a dance

i like that i uh i'm now um i'm videotaping this uh this okay cool what's your fork score oh seems like he wants me to get to my fork score

once this video is recorded i will be picking back up i have to do it if you want me to have the video of the bird i got to do it it. Okay, here we go.

Even though I probably shouldn't dox myself by releasing this video. I will say that, like, for this, for this dumb podcast, if your chime goes off, your chime goes off, it's fine, whatever.

When you're on set, you probably should mute your phone. I think that's probably good practice, and I think that's probably a degree of paranoia if you're not letting yourself.

It never goes off. And it like hardly, it rarely ever goes off.
But has it gone off like during a take or something? Not yet.

I keep it in my chair. Okay.

But if it went off during a take, would like it, would the set pick it up would like it sound you able to hear yeah maybe

so there could be a stunt going on it hasn't sits in your chair and it goes off and everyone's like ah it's ruined

it hasn't happened it's not gonna happen why don't you just mute your phone My phone is muted. That's the only thing.
Why don't you change the settings so that it doesn't like?

You're not understand what I'm saying. The only time my phone ever will make a noise is if there's movement in my backyard.
I understand what you're saying.

And that is for me. But I'm saying to not keep that unmonitored for any stretch of time, for you to be not be able to willing to have that be silent for any stretch of time.

To me, that's that seems like you're maybe being a little paranoid. So I would just say, like, Mike, the place next to me just got robbed.
I know, I understand.

It just got robbed for me. I know, I understand.

While I wasn't there, and if it happened, the cats would have gotten out. So that's all it is.
Okay.

I don't think that that's that crazy. It hasn't been an issue on set at all, and it never will be.

If I may lighten the mood for a moment, who let the cats out?

You know what I mean? Not you. You know what I mean? When you think about it, it's like, who let the cats out? You know what I mean?

No one. No one's letting the cats out.
That's the whole point of it. And it is fine.
And I don't take my phone with me to set why. Because there's a thing called the green room.

That's where I keep my phone in the green room at all times. Anyway, to get back to my McDonald's.
So you can't even hear it. So why not just mismute it? Because I keep it on for when I'm in.

Because one, it never happens. Again, the fact that I picked up a bird is weird.
It It never, ever happens.

So this chime is never going off. Okay.
It's weird that it went off now. But if someone's in my backyard, I'll get that alert even while I'm sleeping and I'll know that someone's in my backyard.

Right.

So the other thing is, and you have to keep it on to have it on. Okay.
The other thing is, is that I don't take my phone to set.

And if it does go off, I can go back and there's an emergency alert on your phone that lets you know. So you see that there's a, that you've got an alert while you're away from your phone.

Yes, exactly. Anyways, to to get back to my score, you know what? You're right.
I'll just let someone break into the house and let them catch up with your fucking people. You break into your house.

I'm just saying. Will you just go back to fucking California?

I'll be there tomorrow. I'm getting the fuck out of here.
Fuck out of here. Just checked us into our flight.

Fuck yes.

Check to see if there's earlier flights. Get the fuck out of here.
We don't like it. I love this city.

You're just a visitor here. I live here.

I've lived here for almost three months. I love this city.
He works here.

I work. I've been having a great time to see it.

I like to say, you know, you earlier, you were like, is this a top five city? You kind of said it like kind of like almost cynically to me. I was like, is this even a top five city for you?

I think it is a top five city for me. I think of Toronto as like, as like a nicer, like a less harsh Chicago.
Yeah. Like Chicago, that's its charm a little bit of

the food and like the...

What was the Cowboys? What's their fucking football team? The Bears. The Bears.
The Bears. The Bears.
The Bears, exactly. The Cowboys.
What the fuck am I talking about?

But it just feels a little more rah-rah and like fun and drinking town. Yeah.
This feels like a low, just like a commer. I like

chick functionability. I like Chicago a lot.
I've obviously spent a lot more time in Chicago. I think Chicago would be, you know, with one of my top five cities as well.

I don't know how to rank them exactly. I'm loving my time in Toronto.
Look at what lovely Chicago.

By the way, just to get back to my alerts. Yeah.
The alert only goes off for a person. It doesn't even go off for movement.
Seems like it comes out for birds, too. And that's it when

the phone thought the bird was the camera thought the bird was a human. Because it was so big in the frame.
It was. And it looked into the camera.
Wow. Give me all your stuff.

So if I could just go back to Chicago for a second.

I've been to Chicago three times this year. Wow.
And I'm going back for the Sloppy Boys are playing. Listen to this.
The Sloppy Boys are playing a New Year's Eve show in Chicago. How fun is that?

That's going to be like three sets. We're going to bring the ball down and everything.
Chicago, New Year's Eve. Be there with a Sloppy.
Come on.

I mean, Chicago, I love the chicago fans and stuff yeah they're always so funny two psychos but uh it's also a city if you look at the uh if you look at the architecture it's like a lot of big robust like big brick buildings yeah oh yeah it's like the whole city is like uh just like solid like toronto too

it's just some great walkable areas some great public transit i love taking the l there but that that's the big thing the the elevated train there i love taking the uh the the the the train the metro in in toronto as well and to me that's just a big part of like what i like about city is just being able to walk around and get it.

I like Toronto. I gave it a hard time in the first episode.
I like Toronto quite a bit.

Yeah, I was with the Wolfman and the Monster Squad, and we took a picture in front of the bean, and he got really sick.

Well, the Chicago bean, I wasn't putting together.

Right. Well, here I am telling the silver bean.
Here's the big silver bean.

The big silver bean. I know it is Millennium Park, but whatever.
You should have saved all that stuff for your plug section. We have a part of this podcast where you plug stuff.

I got a ton of stuff to do.

We'll edit it in there.

Back to my score. Yes.

Now that Wax has grilled me on the thing about protecting my cats here's back to my score of mcdonald's there's some stuff we didn't try uh the mcshakers which is the yeah which we got the which we talked about the mcshakers the firecracker chickens which were out

they were on the kiosks but they were out we couldn't get them uh there's some sort of orange like a orange drink That's like kind of like a, it seems like an orange sherbety drink.

I don't know what that was because we could not find it on the menu. I don't know who, who described that to you.
Maybe it's gone. Maybe it's gone.

But there were a few things that we could not try, unfortunately.

But McDonald's is McDonald's. Yeah.
And when there's a bird in there, you haven't even.

And you know what? It's a bird-centric day. And

you know what? I don't think McDonald's is for the birds. I think it's for everyone, including the birds.

They got the big worm, as we talked about. It's true.

They got a side of flies, as we talked about.

We don't have to go back over all the menu items. They have a drive-through.
They get a fly-through. They have a fly-through instead of the drive-thru.

I did a Coke, the Big Arch. We did the Poutine.

We did the two extras. We covered all that food.

Five forks. Wow.
Wow. So wait, the highest fork score getter.
So wow.

Wow, Platinum, indeed. Welcome to the Platinum Play Club.
Wow, Platinum. Wow, Platinum.

Wow.

Wow. Is she a, just answer me, is it like she's a robot in the movie? No.
No. Or droid or something? So it's not even that type of movie.
So I don't even know what even

when I see it. Yeah.
All right.

Wow. Wow.
Pick Megalopolis. But wow, Platinum.
What's Megalopolis?

For all of you who are dressed up as Megalopolis characters tonight, I'm sure you're going crazy. Yes.
Ooh,

what pop culture person would you be for Halloween this year? Based on just this year. Jush Burman from Megalopolis.

Haktua.

Does she have like a look, though? You kind of almost need like a word bubble that says like I spit all that bang. Yeah, I'm like the Hawk Tua person.

You know what? If people are going to start referring to me to Hawk Tua, you hear me coughing over here?

Hawk tuna.

It's funny because I was talking to the bird and he's like,

it's like, yeah, we say hawk tuna because we have hawks and then we like

tuna. You see us in the trash with these little tuna kits.
We it.

Hawk tuna.

What's she up to now, the Hawk Tour girl? You know, we have a podcast. If you're going to podcast,

talk to us. Talk to her.
That's a good name.

And then

instead of spit on that thing, they say

spit up into your baby's mouth on that thing. Yeah.
Yeah.

Yeah. That thing is the baby.
It is the baby.

Five forks all around. Congratulations to the high fork getter of

Toronto Doe. McDonald's.
American Chain McDonald's.

Their Canadian outpost. You know what? Congratulations to Hawk, dude.
Congratulations.

Oh, boy. Hey, it's time for a segment.
Super producer Mars has picked out some snacks for us to try. It's time for Tim Burton's Mars-a-Snacks.
Wait, hold on a second. Yeah.

Don't we also have a... Is it Tim Million? It's Tim Hortons.
No, we're doing this. We're doing Tim Burton's Mars of Snacks.
Why wouldn't it be Tim Horton's Mars-a-snacks?

We got the quiz. We'll figure out the quiz.
Well, imagine what we're yelling two things. I want to yell at them next.

It could could be Tim Horton's Mars the Snacks, but I feel like that's a hat on a hat. Yeah.

What about the slob quiz? What about fucking the snacks that Mars got? We're doing this. You can just say that line and

we're doing these. We got hickory sticks.
We got hickory sticks original and hickory sticks salt and vinegar. Ooh.
Here you go. I've been in manual.
I've been in the salt and vinegar chips.

Mitch here's the salt and vinegar.

So, Mars, you got these? Original. Well, Wager was asking me for some suggestions on more snacks you guys can try.
And you guys have already covered many great Canadian snacks.

And this was one that was left on the table. Hickory sticks was a classic snack to get on Halloween.

A little different than your regular potato chip.

They don't give them out at houses. They give you a little bag of hickory sticks.
Yeah, like a little bag of hickory sticks.

These are my hostess. The more you eat, the more addicting they are.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Ooh, wow.
So they are just potato chip sticks, right? Yeah. Yeah.

Hickory stick is a better way of saying that, though. Yeah, you kind of remind me of a hickory stick.
These are real thin little. See if I can hold some up for the lens.
These are real thin

kind of haystack sort of.

They look like the French's potato sticks that used to come in the blue can. Yeah.

That's what I got recently. I got some of those, like in a blue can, right? Yeah.
I got some of those recently. They were fun.
My grandma used to give me the hickory. Me too.

This is like a very much what grandma. But I've never heard them call hickory sticks.
That's a cool name. Let me try those salt and vins, Mitch.

It's also a savory hostess snack, which I don't think you see very often. I didn't realize hostess had a savory side.
Zero trans fat, zero groms trombs. Those are real good.

We actually got some smaller bags if you want one for over here.

Oh, sorry.

All right, we got like we had the salt and vinegar. So Amelia wrote up a slop.
We'll do the quiz. That's pretty good.

I think for the purposes of we're up in Canada, where's some snacks we can't get in the States? This is like, you know, while we're physically up here, I think we could do the quiz at any time.

That's good.

Isn't it Canada-themed? Oh, the originals. Yeah, but we'll do the quiz at some point.
The originals are

like barbecue-flavored. They are.
Yeah, they've got a lot.

They're not just plain. Do they do a bunch of flavors? Salt and vinegar working for me.
I was only familiar with the original. The salt and vinegar is actually new to me, so I'm curious to try that.

I assume the barbecue flavor kind of comes from

the hickory.

Don't you use hickory chips to smell it? Oh, that might be it. Yeah, that would make sense.

That's good.

Those are good. Those are good.
I like those bad boys. Me too.
Snack. Both snacks aren't.
Mars is snack. Yeah, Mars is next for sure.

Are you a fan of Mars Attack? Never seen it. Wow.
Wow. Interesting.
Is there any Mars movie you enjoy? Mission to Mars, Red Planet.

Mars Attacks is almost like Megalopolis with all the celebrity actors. It is very much so.
That was a movie that was just like Jack Nicholson. Yeah.

And you know what happens to Jack Nicholson? Jessica. Yeah.
He gets littleized. He does get a littleized to some degree.
Does somebody turn into a Chihuahua? Someone turns into a dog.

Yeah, they put the, I think, Sarah Jessica Parker's head on that dog. That's what I was trying to think about.
Seriously, very fun. Fun movie.
Great movie. Cool movie.

Mars, you're also telling us about ice wine. What's going on with ice wine? Yeah, ice wine.
So I'm someone, I don't really enjoy alcohol too much. I just not really great with the taste of it.

But at the airport, I will often get ice wine, which is wine grown kind of near the Niagara Falls region. It's like grown with grapes still frozen, or it's like made out of like frozen grapes.

It's a dessert wine. I find it to be incredibly tasty and just really, really delicious.
So it's something I'd recommend if you're ever in Canada. That's cool.
Mars, I had some.

What did you think?

I loved it. Where'd you have it? The Gretzky Vineyard.
Dude, Gretzky had ice because I saw Gretzky's wine at the LCBO, the Leer Control Board of Ontario, when I went inside.

I didn't find it at the wine store, but I was like, I was looking for iced wine specifically. Gretzky had a vintage, but it was just Pinot Noir.
I had some ice wine at the Gretzky Vineyard. Wow.

I told Wages. Did you go to the vineyard? Yeah.
Was he there? I told Wise this.

We talked about this in the last episode, but they pour the wine on the counter and then they take a hockey stick and they slap into your mouth. Yeah.

You should go to the Hockey Hall of Fame. It's fun.
I went to the Hockey Hall of Fame. Did you get to play the goalie and shootout thing?

Oh, I didn't do the goalie thing, but I, because I read the entire, there was a hundred years history of the Bruins. I read the 100-year history of the Bruins.
I put on the shooting.

Just like on the wall? Yeah, it was an exhibit there. Wow.
That's fun. Saw the fun.
I saw the exhibit B.

What's that? Exhibit B. I remember the Bruins.

That's fun. They call them the B's because there was a little Stanley Cup room.
And I don't think there was a real cup, but it was like. Yeah, I think it's a replica.
Probably be a replica.

Hey, that was Tim Burton's Mars of Snacks. Just like a restaurant of all your feedback.
Let's go to the feedback.

I got to say, guys, I should not have worn this because it's like, it's still pretty cool in here, but I'm still just like so.

I'm just like getting overheated. So I'm going to, I know we're almost done here, but I'm going to take this off.
You just take it off. You're speaking in your most

natural tone. I just don't see like anything that's missing.
There we go. Let me bring anyone's attention.

This is

what's going on here.

Oh, my God. There's more.
Yeah, baby.

There we go.

No wonder why.

No wonder. Oh, Jesus Christ.

Oh, my God. The freaks are going to love this.
Oh, yeah, there we go.

No wonder why I thought you were wearing a fat suit.

Yeah,

extra clothes on there. Leaving your pants and your ankles is a very good choice.
That's a little lewd, I I guess. I'll take the shoes off.
Look, for an audio listener. Look for Wagger.

I had a long-sleeve Canadian tuxedo that I took off to reveal the short-sleeve Canadian tuxedo underneath. This was a bit I was going to do in the live show, and then here I kind of lost my luggage.

This would have been gangbusters on stage.

You lost your luggage. If you did that live, guarantee me they'd lose their lunch.

I said he lost his luggage.

You've got clean audio, so use my clean audio. Don't use me explaining this because now it's lost.

I said they lost your luggage, and if you did that live the audience would have lost their lunch i like that a lot that's good that's real good can i say this last night we we had dinner at lee restaurant great dinner

lovely lovely meal uh mars you were saying you were still stuffed this morning i was

steaks and stuff or what uh it's it's asian fusion i would say

french chinese oh okay and so uh i was also stuff this morning when we ate mcdonald's it was way too much uh

But last night, Wigs,

Alana, she was passing

these strips. They fell down into your lap.
That's right. And I grabbed them out of your lap.
You said I was trying to grab your hog.

You know what? Yeah.

As far as trick-or-treats go, it was a trick to me. It wasn't much down there.
Damn. Damn.
You built that thing up for years, and then I finally got a taste of it.

Wasn't that impressed? Wow. This is a good look.

This is very funny. Oops.

Also, the haircut's looking good. Thank you.
I saw you.

What was the just too hot?

Yeah, I mean, I kind of was just like kind of getting tired of having the same haircut forever. And then I had the longer hair for a while and then it got shorter.

And then I had it shorter, and I was like, just my normal style that I had for most of my adult life. And I was like, oh, man, I'll go back to the buzz cut.
I had a buzz cut since I was 18.

I don't think I've ever had a buzz cut. Let me tell you, it's a liberated.
It's a small, kind of a small head. And now you're all now.
You can go out trigger-treating a sling blade.

French fried potatoes. Just like a restaurant.

Value feedback. Let's look at the feedback.
Today we have an email from Jesse H. Jesse writes: Hey, this is fitting for our Lee restaurant experience.

What has been your favorite food experience while working in Toronto? What food will you miss when you leave? Mitch, you spend a lot of time up here.

What are you going to be missing when you're down back in the States? That's a great question.

Take a look to see if there's a restaurant that's still around. Because I have a couple of answers

that I can think of. You know what I'm going to know what I'm going to get when I'm down in the States?

I'm going to look for some rotis.

The roti. Sure.
Yeah, the roti was fucking awesome. Yeah, the roti was really good.

Hmm. I want that Eva's chimney cone again.

I'm going to miss that you can just get poutine, even though I know that's more of a Montreal thing. I think that is a nice thing that you can get every so often.
I haven't had it a lot.

But just knowing that you can get it, it's kind of fun, isn't it? Yeah, it is fun. Especially with the winter months coming up.
Yeah.

The chocolate, you know, getting coffee crisps on set. I think that's another thing that I'll miss.
I don't know. I've eaten a lot of set food-wise.
So what is is it for you?

So, kind of a two-part question. Oh,

your favorite food experience while working in Toronto or like convening in Toronto and what food will we miss when you leave? Favorite food experiences, we gave me

at Lee Restaurant.

I can't remember the name of the Caribbean place we went to, but that was a lot of fun too. Licklemore's.
Miss Licklemore's. Yeah, that was a lot of fun.
That was a great Caribbean meal.

But for me, it's AW Crunch Buddy Burger, just because I'd been so excited about that thing. And when I finally got to have it, I was like, this is delightful.
I got to have it still. It's so good.

It's really good and it delivers. And also, just having AW Canada again and not having to be like, I have to review this.
I can just enjoy this was great.

But the meal I'll remember the most is Mars taking us to Toduno. This was such a wonderful experience.
It was such a great communal dining experience.

It was super memorable.

And it was just like the fish was so fun. It was

so flavorful. The garlic rice was delicious.
And also just like it was so, it was just such a

unique sort of dining experience in the city that I was not expecting. So that was great.
Thank you so much for taking us there. Yeah, I'm so glad you enjoyed it.

For anyone listening in Toronto, it's called Tinuno. Very reasonably priced too.
It's like this huge feast. Yeah, $25 per person, which is fine, you know, for a nice meal out, you know, not too bad.

Yeah, super fun. Just a little hole in the wallplace.
Would recommend getting reservations just in case. But yeah, I love that spot.
Yeah, it's great. Cool.

You, you, yeah, your number one experience was the place I wasn't with you at instead of the big restaurant we had last night where Mars Mars was still. And

Atlanta, everyone you were with at that other restaurant. That was great.
That's a great restaurant. That was a wonderful meal.

But there is something about like, oh, this is like what you're saying, more of a hole in the wall. This is more of like, I'm putting on plastic gloves and I'm eating garlic rice with my hands.

I'm picking, we got a whole fish that we're all sharing.

Like there are parts of that experience that were just so, you know, different from sitting down at a nice restaurant with a white tablecloth and having some craft cocktails.

It's just like a different sort of experience. Yeah, just very talented.
Very primal, just eating chicken with your hands and all that. Yeah, that was awesome.
That was great.

Van had a party like that one, probably

prepared. Profit boy.
That was great. But if it was the same thing where you're just like picking things apart and it's all spread, like they just dump it on a table.
That's fun. That was great.

Well, I was going to say, you know, one of my favorite meals was the last night at Lee Restaurant with everyone. That was a great meal.

No, I think I'll choose Prime Seafood Palace with Samoa Joe and his family. That place looked awesome.

I have one that I remember from when I went here like 20 years ago. Dimi Bar and Trattoria

in Yorkville. Wow.
Yorkville is very close to here, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's yeah, it's just like an Italian food place.
And I was, you know, 19 when I was eating this, so I don't open it.

Is it still open? Yeah, it's still open.

But I remember I'm up there in Yorkville. Like my, my, uh,

yeah, when my parents came up, I think we went there. It was like very much a like restaurant where you go and you get the gnocchi and the uh fresh-made pastas and stuff.
It's good.

You're going to text me though. You text me that info.
Here's something I won't miss. Iced tea being sweetened by default.
I want my unsweetened iced tea. I don't need the sweet tea.

I don't need the nest tea. I want like an unsweetened iced tea.
I really, that's a refreshing beverage, and I'm not adding to my calorie count with some liquid sugar.

But the thing I will miss, and this is like one of those things, we're just generally a more functional nation, a more functional society with better infrastructure.

When you pay with a card at a restaurant, like a sit-down restaurant in Canada, they have what's called the machine, which is they bring a remote pay station to the table and then you finish the transaction on your own.

You tap or insert your card. You select a tip electronically.
You can print out a receipt if you want, but you're handling your own card. You're doing the transaction.

As opposed to in America, you're giving your card to a server. A server has to take ownership of it.
They have to go, you know, run your card. They have to bring it back to you.

And then you have to, like, there's a whole rigor rule. There's, there's like, there's like two extra steps.

And, Emma, you were saying from a server's perspective, having to handle other people's cards.

my least favorite part that's a whole thing that that like for the servers as well so like the machine is a thing i i miss i love having the machine at canadian restaurants i don't understand

more and more in new york at least

i'm seeing it more but not every place but yeah i love it i anytime i can even order food pay for it at the counter and then go back to my seat i mean it's a different type of restaurant yeah but uh that's always the best when you're just done and yeah yeah just let me handle the transaction and it's also I'm sure it's more secure too.

So I'll even do something sometimes, no matter how they're paying, when I get my food, I'm like, and i'm just just getting this so like let's do the bill now so i can get out of here yeah i'll add to it's incredibly easy to split bills in canada because they'll just pass the machine to every single person in america it's very frustrating because like most places just don't split bills and so you're figuring out like venmo and all that which is like yeah a huge frustration for me in america and so in canada it's just so much easier which i really love about it uh we also wise we went to a bar last night civil works that's right We had a cocktail together.

You were, it was midnight. You were, hadn't been up that late in forever.
I should never go to a second location. I'm too old.
You're falling.

You're not too old. Yeah.
My mom stays up. We can have a drink at midnight.
You're fine.

And I don't think she's old. I'm too old.
Well, I'll tell you something that I'm going to miss. Yeah.
There's two things that I'm going to miss.

One, getting an ice-cold mug,

not root beer, an ice-cold mug of A ⁇ W root beer. That's right.
And that cold, frosty mug. Those are nice.
With some A and W in it. Fantastic.
Delightful part of the experience. Delightful.
Yeah.

And for me, I'm going to miss something quite a bit. Ooh.

Nando's.

Bad. Nando's.
Yeah. A chain you did not get to try while you were here.
It's true. You've never had Nando's.
No, I haven't. I

became the Nando's kid. I love Nando's.

I was walking to Nando's every day and I was loving it.

And I'm going to be sad to see it go. What's Nando's? Chicken? Chicken.

Yeah, Perry Perry chicken. It's a UK chicken.

I've had that recently, Perry-Perry Perry Chicken. The cheeky Nando's, they say.

Oh, I've heard of this. Nando's.
Yeah, Nando. I think, yeah, Ben told me about this.
Yeah, yeah. Love Nando's.

Walking over to Nando's about 0.7 miles away from my place that I'm staying. Okay.
So I do, there is only really one. So I'll put it 0.7 miles away.
Boxing yourself further. Go find Mitch.

This comes out on October 31st. I shouldn't be here much longer.

It's only enough longer. It's enough time to get, I guess, tuck taped to a radiant.

I'm going to miss Nando. I'm going to miss Toronto.
I like Toronto. That's you were here

for the summer. It was very nice up here, too.
Yeah, it was nice.

It was actually hot when I first got up here. It was the first couple of days we were shooting.
It was like fucking hot. Weather's been lovely for the week we've been.

I remember going to early classes, like an 8 a.m., 8.30 class, which is insane. And it being like the coldest I've ever been in the wintertime here.
Yeah.

Like walking across, again, walking across the park and just be like, oh man, this is too much. That's it.
Worse than Ithaca? Yeah, it was rough. It was ice cold.
That's the thing

like a long time if i was up here in the winter i'm sure i probably would be singing a bit of a different tune as someone with who's lived in southern california his whole life and is used to that biome uh let me just say another thing and this is this is a thing we've we've all talked about but just like i the strangest experience for me is going into a train station and not smelling urine yeah like none of this train like i have not smelled clean the stench of human piss for an entire week and i think it's the longest i've gone in my adult life without smelling urine for sure while just walking around.

It's so strange. People don't just pee in the station.
Yeah, you haven't smelled piss for an entire week. They left your luggage back in LA.
You bought new clothes.

Put a few things together here. I took the subway to the to JFK to get here.
And this, uh, the C-line, I was waiting on one of the stations. P-line? And it was, it should have been the P-line.

It was like, I was like, this is just piss that I'm like standing in and smelling and adding to. And you know what

that's what our country's all about though we miss it there wages yeah hey it stinks but it's ah

if you have a question or comment about the world of chain restaurants you can email us at feedback at birdfuck.com or leave us a voicemail at 830 go to that's 830 4636844 and hey to get the doughboys double our weekly bonus episode plus our entire pre-2018 back catalog subscribe at patreon.com slash doughboys hey buddy mitch uh you know and i i you know we both uh wanted to do toronto we both wanted to do this thing, and uh, to everyone out there, I hope you enjoyed it because it was a huge pain in the ass.

Hey, um, and we burned through all the money we made from the live show. Uh, so I hope, I just hope you like it because welcome to our house, folks.

It was a pain in the ass to have you, but I did like

it. I did like the city, but it was a logistical nightmare and it cost us a lot of money.

You're stressed, you're ready to go home. I'm ready to go home.
You're annoyed at me, I'm annoyed at you. Yeah, I'm not annoyed at you.
Oh, yeah, same.

I'm annoyed at both of you. I'm starting to get

annoyed with Mars all of a sudden. Mars

head up to here with you and your antics.

I do want to have some acknowledgers. I do want to take a second to thank some people here.
First, I want to thank Mo up here at Podium Studios. Podium Studios in Toronto.

If you're looking for a space to record your podcast,

this is a newer space.

Check it out.

Are you going out tonight for Halloween?

I'm going to dress his pony.

I'm going to drive St. Michael, one of my favorites.
He's really. He's very Christian.

I want to thank Atlanta Johnston, The Knife, and Norm Sousa for guiding us through the city, both here and from L.A. It was

Atlanta and Norm were absolutely essential in making this all happen. Shout out to the Knife's parents as well.
Shout out to the Nice Parents as well.

Special thanks, of course, to super producer Mars, Marissa Melnick, for being our on-site producer. Mars, you've been a huge help that just absolutely made this whole thing happen.

Do you have any plugs?

I also produced Nicole Byer's Why Will You Date Me podcast, a very funny podcast that both Mitch and Nick have been on separately and very drunkenly together, I think, on a live show. Oh, boy.

In Chicago. Oh, man.
Their podcast is very excited to be coming back to Headgum. We're going to be doing video podcasts soon on our YouTube page.

Wow. So, yeah, that's what I'd like to plug.
Thanks. And thanks, of course, to our producer, Emma Erdbrink, and our associate producer, Amelia Marino, who's back in L.A.
now.

But all of the prep, all of the amazing work you did up here. There's no show without you.
So thank you so much. And I hope everyone who enjoys this

knows how much everyone who works behind the scenes helped this so so thank you and thanks also to casey donahue our engineer and our video editor mike dorfman of course and our guest mike hanford what a delight to have you i'm so glad we were able to to get you on the show come on i will travel anywhere

for free mickey d's no i yeah thanks for having me i love being up i love it seeing you guys and love being see mitch too i haven't seen you in forever i know and wager you you know you're a you're a

shadow-like figure i can never get a good handle on you

the tall man shadow man uh what are you gonna so it's halloween are you gonna go around your neighborhood and do slender man again or yeah probably you probably have to do it up here yeah

i'm on the clock i'm on i i'm i'm gonna see hanford's show i mean now it's gonna be too late yeah it'll be well it was but you guys promoted on uh with uh that uh that's true you guys do it at the end of the live episode podcast there is a nice little song from hanford if you clicked out of the episode tour you missed it you dumb idiot lovely

lovely bitty i'm gonna see his show tomorrow night and then he's gonna hang out with me on my birthday on sunday how fun is that

uh handman any plugs. Yes, uh, come see the sloppy boys.
I'm in the band The Sloppy Boys. We also have a podcast.
Uh, we've got a tour coming up in uh November, I believe it starts November 22nd.

We're going from Vancouver, Portland, Seattle, San Fran, and L.A. So, we're doing a little run there.
And this is a live podcast recording. Wow, we've only done

one in Chicago. It went great again, Chicago is so great.
Uh, so we're doing live podcasts, wow, new to the Sloppy Boys

thing, and then I'll be playing well, find me. I'm doing stand-up in New York, Boston, Florida, Philadelphia, all coming up in January.
Wow, yeah, well, there you go, Mitch. What a fun month we did!

Yeah, what a fun month! Thank you, Toronto. Thank you, Toronto.
And uh, hey, that'll do it for Toronto, Doe Canada, the Great Bite North, a month-long culinary tour of the six.

Until next time for the Spoon Man, Mike Mitchell, I'm Nick Weiger. Happy eating, eh? Au revoir.

Bye.

Hey, buddy, want Dough Boys merch? We're talking hats, shirts, sweatshirts, patches, glasses, all sorts of stuff, aprons. It's all available at kinshipgoods.com/slash Doughboys.

That's kinshipgoods.com/slash Doughboys.

Sources for the intro are in the episode description.

That was a head gum podcast.