Philz Coffee with Corin Wells

This is a head gum podcast.

Want to watch this episode?

Check it out on our YouTube channel by going to youtube.com/slash doughboys media.

Wags, you know what I used to eat every night as a boy?

What's that?

A big box of mac and cheese.

Every night, a box?

I would.

Every night I'd eat a box.

You know what?

It wasn't great for me.

Not great for me like Goodles is good for me.

That's right.

Mac and cheese is so nostalgic, but Goodles, if you haven't heard of Goodles, Goodles, which we love, is like the mac and cheese you remember, but packed with protein and nutrients.

And what's so amazing is they just launched single-serve cups that are so convenient and easy to take on the go.

Wise, I love Goodles.

I love the Shella Good here.

I just tried the convenient cup version, and it tastes just as good as the box version.

That's right, Mitch.

Goodles is so creamy and cheesy.

I didn't know a nutrient-dense mac and cheese could be this good.

And the cups, which you mentioned, launched in two amazing flavors, Chetty Mac, which I got right here, and Shella Good, and they taste just as good as the boxed version without the dishes.

Wow, every serving of Goodles mac and cheese has 14 grams of protein, 7 grams of fiber with prebiotics, and 21 vitamins and minerals from real plant sources.

Little Mitch could have used some of that wise.

It's a low-glycemic index food, which means it provides steady energy instead of a carb crash.

And on top of that, it's kosher and clean label purity award certified.

There's something for everyone with their amazing variety of flavors, plus vegan and gluten-free options.

Trust us, you need some Goodalls mac and cheese in your life, pick up Goodles on your next shopping trip.

It's available nationwide at Target and Walmart, plus many other major grocery stores and retailers.

And don't forget the new single-serve cups.

Get them!

This fall, the Food and Wine Classic in Charleston returns November 14th through the 16th for three days of incredible food, wine, and southern hospitality in one of the country's most charming cities.

You'll experience grand tastings, cooking demonstrations, and beverage seminars featuring top chefs, wine and spirits experts, and the bold seasonal flavors of the Low Country.

It's a weekend built for discovery, connection, and unforgettable culinary moments.

Tickets are going fast, so head to foodandwineclassicincharleston.com to grab yours before they're gone.

It's like our society has been waiting for a good cup of coffee.

It took off.

like a rocket.

This is Faisal Jobber, better known as Phil, on the instant success of the coffee shop he founded on New Year's Day, 2003.

Jobber had operated Gateway Liquor in Delhi, a San Francisco corner store, for 25 years before savily converting it into a coffee house selling the drink he'd first developed a fondness for in his native Palestine.

Giving the new brew house his Americanized first name, plus a trailing Z for pizzazz, Jobber's cafe quickly became entrenched in the 21st century Silicon Valley boom, his coffee a favorite of the kind of tech industry assholes who view sci-fi cautionary tales as calls to action.

Within a decade, Jobber was even serving as the breasted Mark Zuckerberg and Priscilla Chan's secret wedding, which means he must have seen some shit.

But unlike more fancy pants brands, Jobber's no-frills, no espresso approach also found fans with San Fran's working man's and maintained that all quadrants demographic as it scaled up across the country.

Today with 75 locations, primarily in the Golden State, but also in the windy city, its eco-friendly ethos means its brewed-to-order pourovers are served in compostable cups.

And while coffee brands like Starbucks, Pret-a-Mange, and Costa Coffee are on the BDS list, you can instead opt for coffee from this Palestinian-American-founded brand, currently stewarded by the founder's son Jacob Jobber, with a semi-clean conscience.

Though the company has drawn controversy for giving discounts to law enforcement, and it's in the midst of a pending sale to private equity firm Freeman Spogly and Company, and I guess the whole Zuckerberg thing.

Ah, whatever shit sucks.

This week on Doughboys, Phil's Coffee.

Welcome to Doughboys, the podcast about chain restaurants.

I'm Tiger Weiger, along with my co-host,

Hi, Cal Surfer Dude, Mike Mitchell, the Spoon Man.

Hi, Cal, like, like, so cal but hi cal hi cal surfer dude and i said mike mitchell the spoon man in spoon man instead of the spoon man mike mitchell because mike mitchell was included in the roast Hi Cal surfer dude Mike Mitchell was the full roast.

Weird.

Yeah, it was.

Hi, Cal surfer dude, Mike Mitchell, the spoon man, Mike Mitchell.

I guess that's what I should have said.

Thank you, Wags.

I have surfed.

That's right.

You have surfed.

I thought of this roast after watching Mitch's Instagram reel where he tried various Hawaii-specific McDonald's treats and was calling himself Mahalo Mitch.

Love this show.

It's a source of calm and levity during my drives to and from my incredibly, incredibly stressful job working in a manufacturing plant.

Wow, Mike Z, godspeed with that.

Roastedbirdfuck.com.

In the video, I questioned whether Mahalo Mitch was an appropriate thing to say.

We never really got an answer, so we just rolled with it.

But Mahalo Mitch is my, that's my moniker for when I'm reviewing Hawaii snacks, wages.

If it's a problem, people will let you know.

They're not shy about that.

If you're in trouble, you'll know you're in trouble.

I, I, I held out on telling surf stories as I want to, first of all, I have surfed.

You're the SoCal surfer, dude.

You've never surfed.

No, I have now officially surfed.

I got up.

I caught pretty cool.

I caught like four waves.

Wow.

Hang two.

Hang two.

I'm being nice to myself.

It was that funny thing where we were doing it and

they had

the guy was like, you use that surfboard there.

And it was so clearly a much bigger surfboard for my size.

And there was, mine was the only one that had a handle in the middle of the surfboard, like a fucking briefcase.

You know what I'm saying?

Like, everyone else had just like a normal surfboard.

Mine had a fucking handle in the middle of it for you to hold on to while you're writing.

Yes.

I mean, no, not while you're writing, just to hold it.

Just to hold it,

it was like a dock.

It was like a little mini dock.

It was huge.

But I caught, I caught three or four waves, Wags.

And honestly, it sucks.

I mean, it's great.

It's just so hard.

I was like, like, paddling out, and I'm just like, this is so exhausting paddling out.

And it was like, there were waves coming in.

So you're like fighting the current to like get out to the guy who was then who like he like turned you around and was like, all right, paddle.

And then you had to stand up on your own and do it or whatever.

But it was like, just paddling out there sucked.

And then eventually the guy was like, Mike, you can just walk.

So like, I just like stood up and was walking out there so often.

But it was that sort of thing of like when I caught a wave and I like, I caught one that I was going for a while and then I was like, fuck, I'm like so far away.

I have to like fucking go all the way back out.

It's, it's an exhausting sport wives, but I've done it and you've never done it.

And it's stolen valor when you say so, so cal surfer, dude.

I disagree.

It's part of my identity.

Did you have a

did is there like a feeling of elation, though, when you're actually cresting a wave, when you're actually riding it?

Are you like, oh, wow, okay.

Now, now this is pod racing.

Do you have that feeling?

I did say now this is pod racing.

Okay, good.

but I, but I think you were sabotaged by Sabolba, yeah, yeah,

my handle came off my board,

Sabolba.

Uh, no, no, uh, it is cool when you get up and do it, and I also was like, I'm catching like big waves here.

I'll show you like a picture of, and then like, I see the picture of the waves, and the waves were decent that day,

but then I'm like, there's like no real crap, it's just they were they were tiny little waves comparatively.

And also, you can see in my surf photos, and Amelia, you very nicely didn't put those ones in, but you see my rash guard moving up, and you see me pulling it down on the surfboard as I'm surfing, which is not a very cool surfer thing.

Also, that was the other thing, too.

There's like, like, when I was like, when, when you see, I mean, look, there's like, there isn't even an apparent wave in this, in this picture, but I am surfing.

Mitch is holding up a still of him surfing.

I think that looks pretty cool.

You're fully upright there.

I am up there.

That looks like a picturesque day.

I I mean, Hawaii, beautiful, why?

Because it's very beautiful.

All right.

This one is, this one, this is a, but like, in my mind, I was like, these are big waves.

And this is like, that's like one of the best photos.

It is, there, there's foam.

You see some boats in the background.

You're on some foam.

Yeah, the wave is like pretty modest.

But when I was in the water, I was like, these waves are pretty big.

So like for people who actually surf, it is crazy.

I'll be honest, it looks like you're standing on flat water.

You're a piece of shit.

I was surfing.

All right, here's, there's not, there's, all right, this is, this is one.

I mean, look, it's not a huge wave, but that is a, this is a wave.

That's a wave.

No, I, I get it.

I get it.

It's a wave.

I get you right now.

Like, cartoon style, huge waves you just, like, wipe out as a beginner.

Right.

Right.

Like, you just would.

Oh, yeah.

I'll get my fucking ass kicked.

This is equivalent of the bunny slopes.

Yeah.

I mean, I was like, that was the thing you were, I was like walking and then like, like, I would like scrape my feet against like coral and like, or like rock.

oh my god coral is brutal it was it was fucking it was it was like the thing where it was like my mom was like I want you to climb I want you to hike mount diamond head and she's like climb diamond head and then my sister and I climbed diamond head my sister like almost died on the way up diamond head yeah and then she's like I want you to surf she gave us like the most like the shittiest fucking like like it was like such like it was like it was like like the most the rigorous activity she gave us and I still gained 14 pounds your your mom your mom gave you like homework She gave you like cash.

I'm like picturing her on the beach being like, you go surf, you go hike.

She kind of did do that and she couldn't and she and she couldn't join.

She broke her toe in Hawaii.

Oh my gosh.

She moved an umbrella.

Some lady told her that she could move the umbrella at the hotel and she can't, you can't move the umbrella.

She broke her toe.

Oh man.

I like this picture because this does just look like I am on a dock.

I'm waving, I'm waving to my mom to be like, I'm surfing.

And then she's like, I saw my mom like putting like a shirt on and I was was like, She's not like seeing any of this.

She's not a forest gump gif.

I know I haven't been introduced yet.

You're allowed to speak.

I didn't know.

It is very much,

it is very much me.

It is the forest gump.

I'm waving to Bubba.

But Hawaii is very nice, Wai, because I don't know.

I know that you went there as a child.

As a boy, yeah, I've never returned.

Yeah.

My brother lives there.

Your brother?

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

Which island?

Yeah.

Oahu.

How long has he lived there?

I guess like as long as I've been here, so like three years.

What does he do?

I can't tell you that.

Wow.

I can't.

Okay.

I love it.

That's

birds.

We got a little mystery on the show, wise.

He would be so mad if I said this on one of the most popular podcasts.

Does he work at Jurassic Park?

Yes.

Okay.

That's what's

your brother isn't dead, Dre, is he?

See if a barber stall can steal an embryo's in.

Wow.

We maybe just heard, but we're not going to tell you, Ogs, are we?

We could have just, you didn't have to do that.

You could have left a natural edit point.

Seemed like an organic subject change.

Get him with a drop, Emma.

Yeah, dude.

You can finish the Donkey Kong 64.

Sure.

on creamy Donkey Kong.

I finished both, 100% of both.

I have dressed up as Donkey Kong before.

Literally.

I love the DK rap.

When was it?

89?

Let me double check.

So they're finally here

performing for you.

If you know the words, you can joint in two.

Put your hands together

if you want to clap as we take you through this monkey rap.

Wikes.

Wikes.

Wikes.

What the

I like it.

I mean, I like the DK rap.

Yeah, the DK rap is good.

Corinne, are you familiar with the DK rap from Donkey Kong 64?

I wasn't a Nintendo 64 girl.

Yeah.

Did you play another system?

Yeah, a PlayStation at the time.

Okay.

Yeah.

And then prior to that, it was a Sega Genesis.

We weren't really a Nintendo family.

Wow.

Yeah.

I was a Nintendo family.

Yeah, me too.

Is this the first episode post-Twisted Monthal?

I believe this is the first episode of September, yes.

Welcome to not goodbye to Twisted Monthal.

So long to Twisted Monthal, but I hope people have checked out Twisted Metal on Peacock.

If they have not already, check out season two.

It's great.

Thank you, Wikes.

I'm good in it.

Thank you.

Thank you, Wikes.

That's very kind of you to say.

I was a Nintendo,

despite Twisted Metal being on PlayStation.

Yeah.

But I loved Donkey Kong.

I love Donkey Kong 644, which people say is kind of a collectathon, like a not a.

It is a little bit.

Which also the new one kind of is, too.

I got very little sleep last night.

You know what the reason was?

Bonanza hanging with my old buddy Donkey Kong.

Oh, buddy.

Nah, nah.

A switch too, yeah.

Yeah, yep.

Still haven't played.

No, I'm lying.

I did.

I did.

A friend has it.

I have played it.

Yeah.

Great.

It's, I mean, it's a sleek little system.

I mean, I like, do you like Bonanza wigs?

Yeah, La Bonanza.

I like it too, but it is a little bit of a collect-a-thon, as I say.

I also think that Donkey Kong sounds like Sandler a little bit, don't you think?

In the game, he sounds like Adam Sandler.

I haven't picked up on that, but I'll listen

to it.

That is kind of, it is, he does,

it's that, he like, it's, it's very that, or like Timmy from South Park or something.

It's like a very like,

like, like, uh, whoo, like, there's like a, like, uh, so, yeah, sure.

He's playing, he's playing it pretty big, but I don't know.

I don't mind the performance.

Yeah,

I wasn't, I'm not criticizing the performance.

I love Sandler.

Uh, how far are you?

Are you sorry?

I'm sorry.

I apologize to Donkey Kong.

An apology that's warranted.

Drop some of that.

There's a VO actor out there, like, oh, man.

I didn't read the email, Wags.

Oh, yeah, go for it.

Waggy Kong rap.

I, Dofam, had to make this after hearing Wagger's solo get played episode recitation.

Recitation.

Recitation.

Recitation.

Yeah, recitation.

I just felt like I said it weird of the DK rap.

Recitation.

Recitation.

Recitation, right?

That sounds right.

Recitation.

Recital.

Recitation.

Recitation.

Yeah.

Recitation?

Recitation.

That sounds weird.

That sounds weird.

Recitation.

Recitation.

Recitation.

Technically a Doughboys episode since Mitch also was on the episode,

Mark.

Shout out to DK for the help polishing this drop.

Cheers, Thomas.

Laten Tickles in the Dough Scored.

Well crafted Laten Tickles.

Drops at BirdFlock.com.

Our guest returning to the show, appearing in the main feed for the first time, an Emmy-nominated writer from the Amber Ruffin Show and Black Lady sketch show, Corinne Wells is here.

Hi, Corinne.

Hi.

Thanks so much for being here.

Oh my gosh.

Thank you so much.

First time main feeder.

Main feeder.

I can't believe that.

Yeah, that's right.

Hey.

It's about time.

Thank you.

Oh,

welcome to the show.

It's crazy up here.

I'm very happy to be here.

We were talking before you.

You're too funny for the show in general.

There's no call-ups at Doughboy.

No, yeah, yeah.

It's the fact is that we have to fill in our shitty Patreon episodes and we try to get funny people people to do them.

I mean, that's

what's what the money is.

That's where we make our money.

Paywall.

You were kind enough to come on our Patreon and talk about Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory, a movie we love.

Yeah, yes.

Do you, I like,

have you re-watched it since?

I don't think I have re-watched it since.

No.

It's a, it's, um, do you, are you looking for more Wonkaverse?

Because obviously there's a Chalamet Wonka, which, which had just come out by the time we did that episode.

I don't think that i am yeah i think the story's done right you know i didn't need the chalamay version once he started singing i was mad about it and i think i talked about it on the podcast

um i think i fell asleep the moment he started singing which is in the first minute of the movie um but yeah i i think wonkaverse really just tight little tight little tight little movie yeah it feels like it could be a one and done yeah i was i watched it christmas night with my mom and sister because it was a it was a screener

Which screeners aren't as fun anymore.

We talked about that you just get like the app and you watch it streaming or whatever like that But Wonka was one and we and we watched it my mom immediately fell asleep and my sister was enjoying it and I was just I could not pay attention to that movie at all.

Yeah.

I think I was looking at Mrs.

Claus Rule 34 the entire time.

Jesus Christ.

It was Christmas Day Wags.

That's the worst day to do it.

Yeah, I guess that is the worst.

Well, Santa's busy.

He doesn't know what's going on.

Santa likes that.

Yeah, Santa likes it.

Rule 34 is like, they do like horny drawings of

like a, so you can, if you Google, say, um,

uh, Bugs Bunny, Rule 34, they'll be like, Bugs Bunny, like, Jacked, and he's like, you know, they see showing his

showing stuff.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah.

I know what I'm doing tonight.

You're, you're, you're, we're talking about the, uh, before the show, and we talked last time we were on the pod, but uh, you're from South Jersey, but South Jersey is kind of also Philadelphia, it's a Philadelphia suburb, got it, got it.

And so that's like it's it's kind of the same thing that you are,

Amelia, you're technically from New York State, but you seem kind of identify with Jersey because it's right there.

Yeah, I'm a little bit Jersey pills, right?

But what, what, what is the like, can I quickly show you just the first picture of Mrs.

Claus Rule 34?

It's not, there's there's no nudity, okay?

Fine, that's the first picture of Mrs.

Claus Rule 34.

She has some, so she has some truly,

truly ginormous brass.

Those are like a couple of basketballs.

It looks like a butt.

Every man's dream.

A butt where the boobs should be.

Wags.

Oh, my God.

A boobs where the butt would be.

She's got to do a handstand to take a dookie.

And then you can breastfeed from a rain.

Oh, my God.

That's what you want.

The dream.

What is the so you're so close to Philadelphia?

It's a Philadelphia suburb.

The food culture is like a Philadelphia.

Like, like, like, like, what are the foods that make you identify with home?

Yeah, I mean, obviously a Philly cheesesteak.

Sure, of course.

Do you have a favorite, like, like, yeah, do you get yours, like, a favorite preparation?

So I like American cheese, salt, pepper, ketchup, and that's it.

I don't like fried onions on it.

Just give me simple meat cheese with a little bit of seasoning.

And I like,

ironically, I think the best cheese stick, and people are going to tear me up.

I think the best cheese stick is in Jersey.

It's called Gatanos.

Shout out to Gatanos on Rancoccus Road.

Hell yeah.

What's wrong with saying Jersey?

Fuck you, Philly.

Eat shit.

Sorry.

I know.

No, I didn't say that.

He said

shit, Philly.

I say go birds.

Yeah, go birds.

But yeah, it's just like a big sandwich and they pack it full of meat.

I would say their only downfall, and this isn't a note you have to take, Gatanos, but I do think you need an Amarosa roll.

And they don't.

Amarosa roll.

Everyone knows Amarosa from

The Apprentice.

She's now making rolls that are very delicious.

Yes.

Get that black woman

to make your roll.

But yeah, that is like that's like a that is that like the Philly standard is on the Amarosa roll.

Okay, okay, yeah.

Um, that's that's is it's is it it's braided, is it like braided?

Like, is there no seams on it or anything?

No, there's just something about it that's just tastes really good.

Oh, wow, okay.

Um, yeah, uh,

like Wawa, at least they used to use it.

I think recently they might, I, I, I, I have not been back in a very long time, but uh, they made their hoagies on them and man, real good stuff.

Are you a Wawa enthusiast?

I am a Wawa enthusiast, hardcore Wawa girl.

Yeah, I realize, like, I mean, like, you're a Wawa enthusiast and that you love to cry.

Okay,

wow, wow, that's what I'm saying.

You're the one wearing a diaper.

Hey, I'm not wearing a diaper.

These are shorts.

What are you talking about?

What's under there?

Let us see.

The hell?

Yeah, let us see.

I got Haines box of reefs.

You're not wearing a diaper, bitch.

I swear I'm not.

You just take my word for it.

You know what I say?

Wait.

I

like

we reviewed

Wawan Dough Boys on a live show.

We went to Philadelphia.

I've not been back since, but like, I do love the idea of a convenience store with good food.

Yeah.

And like, I thought their sandwiches were good as hell.

So good.

Do you have a do you have a go-to there?

Um, so I don't eat pork anymore, but their Italian hoagie is very good.

I do miss it,

but I don't eat pork anymore.

So like I'll get like their tuna hoagie.

Yeah.

And I'll get provolone cheese with lettuce, no tomato, onions, pickles, and sweet peppers.

And that is like,

man.

That sounds good as hell.

Real good.

I love an Italian sandwich and I too have been largely upset.

I mean, like, I was completely, I had no pork at all for like a couple of years.

And then since then, there have been a few times when I've been like,

I guess if I really want it, I'll have it.

Or like, I'm just not stressing out about there being like, you know, a pork broth and a soup, or, you know, like, if there's some bacon in a, in a cob salad, I'm, I'm not freaking out over it.

But I generally, I pretty much stopped eating pork entirely.

What would be the easiest thing for me to, of the big meats, I think?

I mean, like, bacon would be hard to never have bacon again.

Turkey bacon.

Turkey bacon is good.

Pretty good.

Yeah, it's not bad.

Yeah.

Yeah.

But when did you stop eating pig and like,

you know, like, is there,

like, is there any particular reason?

Or

yes.

So I went vegan kind of like immediately before the pandemic.

Got it.

Which I don't recommend.

If there's, if you know a pandemic's coming up, don't cut out food.

You're going to get real sad.

But yeah, I like cut out like all meat and like animal products for probably four years.

and then like two years ago i started eating chicken again okay yeah yeah i got wings on my birthday that's wow yeah that was where from uh i went to ye rustic of course there you go yeah i had some ye rustic wings this last weekend wags they were and they were they were good yeah they were really good did you get out

shout out erustic

uh it it's uh the it's gotten very popular and uh like uh

there's like very pretty waitresses now there.

It's like that's like a part of the thing.

I heard that, like, the owner, like, handed down to his, their son or something, and now there's like a sounds like horny or something.

It is like a little, it feels a little bit hornier in there now.

It's definitely more sceny, too.

Yes, like younger people are coming, and they have a great karaoke night on Tuesdays.

Oh, wow.

Okay, yeah.

Yeah, I've never been to the karaoke actually, but the wings are

fantastic.

They are probably the best in LA.

Hot Wings Cafe on Melrose

Cafe.

Hot Wings

They're lemon pepper.

Yeah.

Real good.

They're good, but I do think E-Rustic is the number one.

It's just funny.

Like, how do you do?

Do you go crispy, extra crispy or just regular?

I do extra crispy.

Oh, okay.

Yeah.

Yeah.

See, I do that, and sometimes

I'm like, they're like little bat wings.

They're like overcooked or whatever.

I don't think they're good.

I was with Lamar Woods was there, and he got suicide.

He was like, I don't like spicy, but then he got, he says he doesn't like spicy.

He got suicide wings.

Yeah.

That's what that means, Lamar.

It's super spicy.

But here's the thing with Ye Rustic, they weren't even that hot, they were like not that hot, yeah.

But they, I mean, like, no, I wouldn't get any other food there besides like maybe french fries.

Uh, but the wings there are great ones.

I don't know how often you get them.

Uh, you mentioned uh it not, I mean, I live in a different part of town, but I bet, but but yeah,

obviously, appreciate their wares.

You mentioned their son, the son taking over, also the case with uh, this week's chain, which we'll get to, generational handoff from father to son.

Wow, is the unlike did he hornify it?

Did he hornify Phil's?

Phil's is maybe getting a little horny.

It's Phil's with a Z in it.

You mentioned lemon pepper.

Do you have a favorite wing sauce or rub?

And are you, like me, something of a heat seeker?

I am a heat seeker.

I don't have a favorite.

I go through phases.

Like, I went through a lemon pepper phase where, like, that's all I got for a little while.

And then I got sick of it.

And then I moved to their barbecue, which is very, very good.

It's reminiscent of like how KFC's honey barbecue used to be.

Oh, okay.

I like that.

Yeah.

And I love that.

It's like I don't like a straight up barbecuing.

Like if it's just barbecue sauce, but I like the honey barbecue.

Yeah, a little sweetness or a little spice in there, too.

Spicy good, yeah.

It's a lot of fun.

And with Hot Wings Cafe, you can mix stuff up.

You can be like, put all of it on, which is, I wouldn't recommend.

Don't do that.

It's no chaotic.

No, it's not like an all-dressed chip.

You don't want to go have multiple sauces.

Yeah.

Doesn't make sense.

No, you don't want that.

I don't even want that in my chips.

I don't want that.

Where's your, I I don't want that in my chips either.

Keep it out of the chips.

Wow, hold on.

The shots fired at all dressed chips.

I like all dressed chips.

That is the truth.

Have you had all dressed chips?

I haven't.

And I'm poo-pooing on it without knowing.

They're pretty good.

Okay.

Well, you already got Philly mad.

Now Canada is going to come at you.

What are they going to do?

Little fucking cowards.

What the fuck are you guys going to do?

Yeah, we hate you.

I forgot.

Oh, yeah, we hate you now.

We hate you for being a better country.

Yes, yes.

We take our countryside on that power.

So if we have to be refugees, please let us in.

Please take us.

Please take us.

Please let us in.

I'll bring my brain.

I'll bring my Switch, too.

I have a question for you.

You got your Hot Wings Cafe, you rustic.

Yeah.

Where's your Philly cheese ticket place in LA?

Oh, booze.

Booze.

Booze is good.

We reviewed booze on the podcast

at a live show, actually,

for Halloween.

I think booze is good, but it's not anything that I'm like, I need to have booze.

That's the only thing with booze.

But it does scratch the itch.

It scratches the itch.

And their bread is

good.

There used to be a spot, I believe it closed before you were able to get to LA.

It was a pandemic casualty before you lived here, but there was Philly West was a place that was owned by Philadelphians.

It had a damn good cheesecake and a damn cheese steak, rather, not cheesecake, and also

a good burger on a long bun.

You ever get one of them, them long bun burgers?

Cheeseburger sub.

I've heard that before that I used to love a cheeseburger sub back in the

northeast.

I've never heard of it.

It's crazy.

It's blowing my mind.

It's like having a big cheeseburger.

It's fucking great.

So it's just like a long patty?

Patties that are cut, just they cut patties in two.

They'll cut a cheeseburger in two.

And then so it's like basically like, you know, two cheeseburgers, maybe sometimes three cheeseburgers in there.

Lettuce, tomato, mayo, ketchup, mustard.

I mean, whatever you want.

Pickles are usually in there, onions, and then a lot of the times bacon.

They put bacon in there, too.

That's like a, it's like a cheese, which I love cheeseburger club-wise.

I've talked about that before, which I love a cheeseburger club.

Don't see a cheeseburger club too often either.

But a cheeseburger sub, big fan of it.

You don't, you rarely, you rarely see it.

You don't see it, yeah, rarely seen in the wild.

I've never even considered that could be a thing.

It's so, they're good as I used to love them.

Wow.

But I don't know if there's any, I don't even know if you can, I don't even know if they're, maybe Fat Sal's had one for a minute.

Yeah, I don't know, but theirs would have a bunch of other extra shit on it.

You know,

it is these like fucking mozzarella sticks.

Yeah, mozzarella sticks and fries and whatever.

So

you start having chicken, you start gradually reintegrating more meat into your diet.

Like, do like, or is that just basically it?

It's chicken and fish.

Just chicken and fish.

Yeah.

What are your fish go-tos?

I love a ajituna.

Oh, I love ahituna.

It's like to cook.

Yeah, like I'll eat any fish, honestly, but ahituna and salmon, I'll cook.

Now you're, now you're lining up with Miels Merino over here.

Yeah, I'm a fish-free.

Yeah, I love it.

I love a shellfish.

Give me some shrimp any day.

Give me some crab legs.

Oh, my goodness.

I had a seafood tower last night, Wags.

Wow.

I did.

I had not just myself.

I was with some friends.

And I had a

lonely oyster.

I forget where, where the fuck was it?

The lonely oyster in Echo Park.

What was you?

You had a little impish grin a second ago.

We changed the subject.

What were you going to say?

I was just going to say that fat sales on Ozempic.

That was all I was going to say.

It's just called sales now.

Has fat sales closed?

I feel like I don't.

Are they done?

I'm not sure what's going on.

They're still a ripple.

I don't like these subs anymore.

I'm done.

I think they've maybe contracted a little bit and they had some intra, you know, corporate rivalry in terms of the ownership.

They did some tension there, but I don't think they've closed.

There's a number of them.

Oh, yeah.

Turtle.

There was something going on with Turtle.

Turtle got excise.

Turtle from Entourage.

He was one Sounds like an Entourage episode.

I got to say this, dude.

This has been on my mind since I did it.

I was Googling Mrs.

Claus, Rule 34.

And then Miss Accident, when I first was spelling out Mrs.

Claus, Mrs.

Deltfire came up.

And then I was like, is there Mrs.

Deltfire Rule 34?

And there is.

Yeah, of course.

I'm shocked that there is Rule 34 is.

I haven't clicked on it yet.

It does say, it says under it, Rule 34.

If it exists, there is porn of it.

We have Pokemon, My Little Pony, Other Hentai, whatever you want.

That's My Little Pony?

Yeah, it's all on there.

That's the whole point of Rule 34.

If you can think of it, it exists.

Oh my God.

Have you done Doughboys Rule 34?

It's all Pillsbury Doughboy.

Oh, right.

I was just like, that's a good idea.

We're freaks and we've already done Doughboys Rule 34.

That's like one of the first things you looked up.

It was Pillsbury Doughboy, and then Mitch was mad.

He had a bigger hog than him.

Well, in Rule 34, Amelia, did you Google Mrs.

Delphi Rule 34?

I'm doing it right now.

I won't even show you anything, but it is truly, it made me gasp.

I would love to see it.

All right, I'll show it to you, but I don't think that you're going to.

I don't, I'm going to say this: it's perverted.

All right, turn that phone screen around.

Oh, my God.

Don't show it to the camera.

Oh, my Lord.

Wait.

This is pretty explicit.

Yeah, that's pretty explicit.

Yeah.

Pretty.

Her/slash his ass is so strong.

Yeah, why?

It's so ribbed.

I think I have a virus on my computer now.

Anyways, it exists.

Yeah, they do.

It does exist.

I was going to take our internet privilege.

So you have like

shellfish crab legs.

Is crab your crab your favorite?

It is, but it's like a little treat.

Yeah, sure.

It's like, one, because it's very expensive.

And two, I load it with butter.

Like a bag, like

a boil bag is like, oh, hell yeah.

Potatoes, corn, garlic butter, and whatever else.

A boil.

Boils are fun.

Even though they are like messy and kind of a pain in the ass, it still is a lot of fun.

Yeah.

Are you a lobster fan?

I do like lobster.

You go crab over lobster?

I'll go crab over lobster.

Wow.

For sure.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Because I think you're getting a little bit more bang for your buck.

Like a lobster is just the tail and it's just a little piece of meat for a hundred dollars.

Yeah, sure, sure, yeah.

Yeah, what a claw.

You got the claw, the four, yeah, the claw.

There's other stuff in there, but I get what you're saying.

I know what you're saying, it's too expensive, but it was always too expensive.

But in the northeast, you can get it for cheaper.

Yeah, also, what I went to Cuba in like 2017 lobster is like five bucks.

Oh, like a lobster tail is like five bucks.

That's rules.

How is Cuba?

My buddy Mike just went to Cuba.

Yeah, it's beautiful.

Um, you kind of

politically, it's it's like, oh, this is a lot going on.

A lot for me to think about.

But it's great.

I had a fantastic time.

How do you get to Cuba from the U.S.?

Do you have to take like

a tertiary sort of route?

Or can we flew to Miami and then out of Miami?

We flew.

You can fly direct to Cuba from Miami.

In 2017, you can.

Wow.

Okay.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Micas did a thing where he flew to South America, then flew to Cuba, like then flew to Cuba from South America or something like that.

There was some sort of you had to do some workaround, but I think you went after you did.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Like, Trump just got in office, so he wasn't doing anything.

Yeah, I guess I forgot that that was a thing that that travel ban got like re-implemented.

I forgot, I forgot that it was a thing that wasn't standing for a bit.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

That's good.

It's good it's back, I guess.

Toeboys Cuba month likes.

Could be fun.

Yeah, do it.

Do it.

Did you have any, uh, like outside of the very cost-efficient lobster, any notable eats in Cuba?

No.

Cubano?

The Cubano, I've heard, is like more of a Florida thing.

I've heard they don't actually have them as much in Cuba.

Yes.

Which are fucking annoying.

Really?

Because like, again, like politically, like imports and exports are

worked differently.

So like none of the vegetables were fresh.

And the meat was also like not great.

But they knew what they were doing with seafood.

That's great.

Yeah.

And like, uh, like uh, moro rice, it's like a rice and beans um situation is so good.

Um, those like the seafood and the moro rice were like the most memorable things for me.

Wow, yeah, and the cigars

a Cuban.

Me and my boys love to smoke.

I got it.

I got, I love to smoke a nice cube.

After, after we wrap Doughboys, wages, I go out back, we smoke a Cuban, uh, a little Cuban cigar wages, right?

They inhale inhale it.

God, how annoyed would our listenership be if they found out we were cigar guys?

Yeah, the dope boys have humidors.

Just in a few years,

it could happen in a few years.

We're going to go through some sort of life crisis where we become cigar guys.

It's a possibility.

I don't think I could be a cigar guy.

I don't think I could be a guy.

I think that's, there's too much like wrapped up.

I feel like that just like, I feel like the kind of guy I see smoking a cigar is like Rudy Giuliani.

You know what I mean?

It's like a very,

you know, like, like, it's a, it's a decaying, like, sort of like, you know, right-wing celebrity.

I feel like that's all those kind of guys.

And if you ever like a cigar aficionado magazine, it's just like the kind of guys that would show up in there.

It's very, very,

it's a very MAGI sort of, sort of, crew, I feel like.

Yeah, it's a lot of like hair gel without hair to put it on.

You know, right, yeah.

It's like that kind of thing.

Yeah.

Just you don't think you're going to be a part of that crew in a few years?

Patreon starts sagging.

All right.

Plan B.

Are you well-traveled?

Are you someone who likes to go other places?

And any notable trip, like other culinary trips?

Yeah.

So I am actually currently planning.

And when I say currently planning, I mean it's already planned.

I'm doing Europe for three weeks in December.

Wow.

Yeah.

Solo trip.

Gonna just go and

ride the train a bunch of places.

Now you're speaking his language.

Yeah.

I love the choo-choo.

yeah yeah that's i'm i i'm doing brussels to amsterdam well i'm flying into london and then going immediately to brussels then i'm going to amsterdam uh vienna munich

paris and then back to london wow yeah i've been to i've been to vienna yeah yeah yeah yeah i took the we took the night train there and it was very night jet is that yeah is that that's like the yeah overnight one yeah the overnight one we took it from italy to

uh it was a true nightmare it was like six it was it was six quincy guys in

like a room, and there was like, you know, like three,

like the, like the layered beds.

And so it was just like too small for us.

So

you're going to, you'll, you'll have a blast.

My trip was going to be don't don't travel with five other Quincy guys.

We had a great time.

Yeah.

We went from we went from Italy to Vienna and then from Vienna to Budapest, which is also Budapest.

It was great too.

Do you guys have hungry listeners, like listeners from Budapest?

I don't know.

We have hungry listeners.

Yeah, Hungarian listeners.

I hear Hungary is very far right right now, so I'm going to avoid it.

Oh, it's gone right wing.

Yeah.

Yeah.

In that sense, we have hungry listeners.

No, they shoot a lot of stuff

in Budapest now in Bulgaria, right?

That's the other place where they shoot.

Yeah, I mean, they're shooting all sorts of stuff globally.

I think Betsy started that commercial season, and I think in Bulgaria.

I think it was just uh, in in Budapest.

Oh, wow, okay, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Duke Michaelis, wow, very cool.

Yeah, um,

they were shooting just something there, and oh, cool.

Um, I, I, I liked it in it, but I did not know about, I didn't notice the far right stuff when I was there.

Maybe I was walking amongst it and had no idea, but I didn't notice it at that time.

I think we would have different experiences,

They were just handing me free stuff.

I don't know.

That was great for me.

They were like, what a vlog.

I really like rose up the ranks there pretty quickly.

I got a medal?

Marching a parade?

I did not know about that.

I went to the, there's like the ruin bars there and they were very cool.

Like in these like, in the like,

And it was like a big party.

Like they, they partied till the morning there and stuff like that.

And it was interesting, but I was, it was like a cool city for, we were there for the, like, a very short amount of time and I was fine kind of with that.

So Vienna's very pretty.

I'm excited about Vienna.

I'm like, I, I think I get there the day that they do their Krampus festival.

Wow.

Krampus.

Yeah.

Krampus is actually on my birthday.

Wait, really?

Yeah, December 5th.

Wow.

Krampus night is my birthday, but they like do celebrations the summer

after.

It seems like you know a lot about Krampus.

Are you a big Krampus fan?

I mean, mean, once I learned about Krampus and learned that it is my birthday, I was like, well, this is my entire identity.

Yeah.

And I think actually I'll be in Amsterdam when they do that like blackface thing.

Oh, man.

That black peat thing.

Oh, right.

Yes.

Which I'm really excited.

I really planned it out real nice.

Dear God.

I don't know.

I don't know how popular those are anymore, but I hope to see something.

I hope there is.

I hope you see nothing there.

And I hope there's no Doughboys listeners there.

That's all I can say.

Yeah, I forgot about that.

That whole thing.

But the Krampus stuff seems very, that seems very fun.

I like a mean Santa.

And you know what I was just thinking of?

This is just, this is off the dome right here.

But tell me what you think of this.

Okay.

A Krampus version of Polar Express.

Oh, fun.

Like a Hell Drain?

Yeah.

But yeah, but it's Krampus specifically.

It's for kids.

You already didn't like it.

No, I'm just thinking through it because you have to know Polar Express exists.

And so it's like, this is like, this exists in that universe.

And

it's Krampus' train?

It's Krampus' train.

Yeah, so I think that people would be like, naturally, think the Polar Express.

So it's like, oh, so there's an extension of Polar Express, but this is like the bad version of it.

I think they can exist in different universes.

Yes, sure.

I think it's like, it's like kids

hop on this train, and then it's almost like Snow Piercer, where it's like every level is like a nightmare, a different kind of nightmare.

And then it ends with Krampus.

I like nightmare trains.

How are you held up on this?

I thought it was a genius idea.

I'm with you.

Thank you.

This is the man who pitched Ghost Zoo.

And I think

Ghost Zoo is a fucking home run.

I think that.

Is this a zoo for ghosts?

It's Krampus, the Polar Express Krampus train.

Is it a home run?

I think,

again, you said Polar Express there.

I just think people are going to think of Polar Express immediately.

So it'll like, I feel like it has to have some tie-in to that.

Krampus Express rip-off or a parody.

Is it for kids or adults?

Yeah, is it for kids or adults?

It's for kids because Krampus is specifically, he harasses kids.

So you think you're getting on the Polar Express, you're actually getting on the Krampus Express.

Yes.

Yeah.

But then, again, I just think it has to exist in the Polar Express universe.

Jesus Christ.

Because otherwise, you know what?

Then it does.

Because

then you're like, it's like, it's like, oh, it's this Krampus train.

It's like the one holiday-themed train in our world.

You know what I mean?

Oh, no, because like, like,

I think it's just like, or is it like Krampus?

I'm just confusing the logic of it.

Maybe it's like Krampus takes over the Polar Express.

That makes it a lot better.

Okay, there you go.

That's what it is.

He comes on and he's like, No, this isn't the Polar Express.

This is the Krampus Express.

I don't think the Polar Express needs to be a big plot point in this.

You know what I mean?

I think we like we live in a world where Polar Express is an idea that has existed and Christmas is a thing, but Krampus outdates the Polar Express.

That's true.

Sure.

So

why can't he have a train?

Krampus does predate the Polar Express, but I think that, look, I don't need to argue this anymore.

I'll see the point.

Krampus is expressing it.

I'm so on board.

What the hell?

Don't anybody take this.

Yeah.

We own it now.

Yeah.

Is that helpful?

I think it was outwards.

So you're going to go and see Krampus.

You're going to go see these festivities.

That is truly wild to me.

Yeah.

I'm very excited.

And I haven't gone on a solo trip in a while.

I went to Ireland

in 2017.

2017 was a big travel year for me.

Wow.

My homeland.

Yeah.

I loved Ireland so much.

And I've been wanting to go on another solo trip.

So yeah.

Whereabouts in Ireland did you go?

I was in Dublin for like the first half.

And then like I did like a day tour around everywhere, and then I went to County Mayo to stay in

to stay at Ashford Castle, which is like this really nice castle hotel.

Oh, wow.

Yeah, the Reagan stayed there.

But

so did the guy who used to be Big Bird.

That's cool.

Yeah, that's a little fact.

And I know that.

Who was the performer who played Big Bird's name?

I know that name.

Now, I can't think of it fast enough.

Is it the original Big Bird?

Yeah.

I think so.

I think so.

I know when Nancy Reagan got up to that at a hotel.

Oh.

She had that mic face.

Oh.

Oh.

Hi, Big Bird.

Oh, gee.

Sucking on Big Bird beak.

Carol Spinny.

Carol, yeah, Spiny.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Carol Spiney.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Spiny or Spinny.

I don't know.

That's a good one.

The bell hops were well tipped.

Let's just leave it at that.

Yeah, they were.

Those tips were too big for her mouth.

Nancy, why do you have a yellow feather in your mouth?

Some blowing big bird.

Podcast sucks.

I suck.

I like the media.

I like that.

You know what?

Now I like Krampus Express.

So I won you over on Krampus Express.

You go to Vienna, Houston.

The parade is him on a train.

Choo-choo all aboard.

Hey, wait a minute.

Hey.

I'm going to tee this up now.

There was another presidential impression today that happened, and we'll get to it at the appropriate time.

Just, just, just look forward to that.

Oh, boy.

I'm curious about, because we are going to talk about a coffee chain, but also a breakfast chain, what is your go-to?

Wait, wait, before we move off of travel, actually, I do want to go back to Ireland.

Mitch, you can speak to this too.

Is there a

Irish food I'm curious about?

Like, were there any notable meals there?

Well, I guess, of course, an Irish breakfast.

I don't know if you have an Irish breakfast, which

has black pudding, or blood pudding and black pudding, and the beans and all that sort of stuff.

I'm totally on board with breakfast beans, by the way.

Why not?

You would love a good Irish breakfast.

They have some in Quincy.

Next time you're in Quincy, I should take you to McKay's and you can have a good Irish breakfast.

Sounds fun.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

But was there anything that for me, so much of it was like

toasties, which I think I brought up on the podcast before and people were confused, but like the grilled cheese sandwiches that they just had everywhere.

Like that's like, I remember having so many toasties, yeah, which is like cheese and like a grilled cheese was sometimes with meat in it and like a tomato slice.

That's I felt like I had a bunch of toasties.

I don't think that I ate as much as I drank.

Sure.

But, like,

Guinness tastes so much better in Ireland.

It really does.

It's crazy.

Like, I don't know what happens once it crosses into U.S.

territory, but like, it is, it's good.

Like, I would have never thought myself to be a Guinness drinker, and I'm not.

But, like, once I go back to Europe, I'm going to be like, give me a Guinness, baby.

Cause it's just like, it's, it's just like,

that's quite an endorsement that you don't normally like it, but you like their version.

Yeah.

Wow.

It is a little, it is kind of,

it is nice and creamy.

It's creamy, right?

It is.

It's creamy.

It is.

It is.

It is.

It is.

It is better there.

But you know what?

Why?

Because you know who just got the best Guinness poor in

the United States?

Who's that?

J.J.

Foley.

It's a bar you've been to.

Wow, very cool.

J.J.

Foley's got the best Guinness

in Boston.

Yeah,

we went their post-show one year after a Doughboys live show in Boston.

This is an award you hand out.

It's an award I just gave out.

The best Guinness Poor.

It It is the best Guinness poor in the States.

And I had a good one with you the other night at Sonny McClain's.

They have a decent Guinness Poor, but

there is a difference.

Did you go to the Guinness Factory?

Did I?

No, I got, I was, I was too hungover.

Yeah, I was supposed to go to Guinness and Jamison.

Jameson was like going through renovations or something.

Wait, you were too hungover for the Guinness tour?

Yes, I was.

Yeah, I was staying at a hostel and like I woke up and I was like, fuck this.

And I slept until 4 p.m.

Oh my god.

Yeah, because the night before I went pretty, pretty crazy.

Yeah.

Great.

I hope to relive it.

That was almost me today with, because of my Donkey Kong night last night, Wags.

I was, I was, I was, I, I, I had insomnia last night.

I couldn't, I couldn't sleep at all.

I just couldn't.

Just one of those things we were tired to.

I was like tired at 3 a.m.

and I just couldn't fucking sleep.

It sucked.

It drives me crazy.

And my, my anxiety, my anxiety makes my insomnia worse.

And then when I can't sleep, I get more anxious.

And then I know I can't.

And it's just, it's a, God, I had a few nights like that in the past couple of weeks.

It was really, really rough.

What's your set?

Like, do you play in your living room?

Are you playing in your living room?

I play in my living room.

So I don't go.

So I don't, I keep it out of the bed.

Yeah.

I keep Donkey Kong out of my bed.

There's no Donkey Kong stuff.

Not where it belongs.

I do go to bed naked, just wearing a red tie, though.

No, yeah, I keep it out of there, but I still, it's the same thing will happen to me where I'll be like, my anxiety will, that I'm not sleeping will keep me up longer.

But you're right, you're, it's smart to, this is the thing they actually say you're supposed to, like, when you can't sleep, don't lie awake in bed, get up out of your bed and do something else so that, like, you, and then when you're tired, go back to bed.

Oh, you're not supposed to roll over and squirrel through your phone until

5 a.m.

Interesting.

I don't know.

How was, how, how did you enjoy staying in a hostel?

It was great.

I probably, I think I've aged out of it.

I don't want to sleep with strangers in the same room.

Were there any were there like older people that would stay there or no?

In this one, not really.

It was kind of like it's it's called Generator Hostel, the one that I stayed in.

And they have like a chain.

It's kind of like and they're very like hip and cool.

Okay.

So like I think it it,

you know,

young people, younger people stay there.

Are you sleeping in the same room other people are sleeping in?

Oh, wow.

Yeah.

It's like bunk beds.

Oh, wow.

Yeah.

Yeah.

That's wild.

I don't know if I could, I don't know if I could ever, yeah, I don't know if I'd ever be good doing that.

Yeah.

I mean, for what it was, like, I, I, like, made friends and then, that I'll never see again.

And that was nice.

But

as a almost 40-year-old woman, I, I don't want to do that.

Yeah.

I got you.

Yeah.

Where I lay my head, leave me alone.

I don't want to do my inner bed.

Yeah.

I would also feel bad like from the top bunk, like, like, uh, you know, putting my, my CPAP cord and tubing down for people who have to plug it in.

I just feel like it would just be annoying.

Yeah.

Mitch, you mentioned you mentioned Sonny McClain's your old haunt where you used to hang when you first moved in LA over on the west side, my side of town.

How fun was that night the other night?

We had Amelia, you came out as well to the see the Hudsucker proxy screening at the Arrow, which was hosted by Griffin Newman of Blank Czech.

Ben Hosley was also there.

I got to meet Marie Barty party.

We had a great time, and then we all went and hung out at Sonny McClain's afterwards.

And Mitch, you were like, Mitch, you brought a convoy.

You showed up and you brought Tony Charlene and John Gabris.

That's right.

Post-ass cat, I brought Tony and Gabris.

I was about to say, where is my invite?

But you would have been invited.

If you were there, you would have been invited.

It was a good crew.

Such great merriment.

I stayed up past midnight.

Wow.

Wow.

Wow.

Isn't that wild?

I know.

Wow, a little Dracula wages.

That's impressive for you.

And I got to see my old place, the place where I used to drink and then go and sleep in my car till morning.

So my serial place, did you mean your car parked on the side

she was still there the old beauty there used to be a really good jack in the box by that sunny mcks

boy do i know it

i would walk over to that jack in the box get some get some food and then go and sleep in my car yeah they there that that jack in the box is on curb your enthusiasm um and where uh larry david gets a jumbo jack but also oh wow but but it subsequently uh became a Del Taco and it's a very good del taco but it's just not and also that diner there was a 24-hour diner there that was open and then it went away.

And I know, yeah, the diner's closed.

All of them are kind of a bummer.

All of them are fading away.

That's that's a east, that's a like jersey thing.

Diners, like 24-hour ones.

And now that now, like, I saw, I drove by, I drove by Cantors that night, Wags, and I was thinking, like, when is Cantors going to go?

I feel like Cantor's is going to go at some point.

It's going to be a very, there's no, it doesn't exist anymore.

Yeah.

What are you young kids doing?

Yeah, go ahead.

What the hell are you young kids doing?

You're not going to the comedy show.

I'm obsessed with diners.

I go to all the diners.

I literally just got cantors for dinner two nights ago.

Did you really?

Yeah, because Mike wasn't feeling well this weekend.

So he got a big muscle ball soup and I got a pastrami sandwich.

How fun is that?

Delicious.

What is the

like, because I love diners too.

You know, like Norm's an LA institution, most of them is closed.

There's, I think, two left now.

I think there was, there's the original is still there, was going to be turned into a raisin canes.

And now I think because of Uproar is maybe not going to undergo that conversion.

Wasn't that that sort of, it was the same thing as like the Arby's thing where they're like, we'll keep the sign.

Wasn't that that for like a minute?

It's like, we don't care if they're just sitting there.

Now the sign is gone.

Is the sign gone?

Oh, great.

God, what a bad week.

I think it happened.

Wait, wait, the RB signs actually happened.

Yeah.

The RB sign is gone.

Did Prince Street lie to us?

They said they were going to keep it.

I'm pissed off.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I'm actually too mad to be.

I'm too mad about the sign.

I'm just outraged that a corporation would lie.

Like,

what is our world coming to?

They made us a promise.

So, yeah, like, but Norm is Norm's is like so, like, Norm's used to be open 24, like their thing was we never close.

And they had like, you know, a bunch of them around the Southland.

And then it just feels like that culture's kind of gone away.

And I, because I don't know, I feel like people are still going out, right?

Is it just not, did they, did they run the numbers, just decide like this is actually not economically, you know, as feasible as we thought it was?

I'm confused.

I'm confused by it, so I'm blaming the younger generation.

I think Uber Eats and DoorDash kind of fill the diner game.

Yeah, like late night stuff, you'd just rather be in your house eating it rather than in

the house.

It's just such a different experience.

It's so mad.

It's so different.

It is.

I agree.

Hey, I agree with you.

We're mad.

I grew up with multiple diners within like five minutes of my house.

And also, it's your chance to go out with your friends and continue having fun after you've been hanging out.

You keep it going.

Keep it going.

Is there anything specific to the South Jersey

Philly diner culture?

And is there, and a two-barrel question: do you have a diner go-to?

Like,

wise?

Yeah.

You've been playing too much.

A two-barrel question.

Well, I think like there aren't chains of diners.

Like, they're very much just like the golden eagle, the

golden feather, like just really just random names for these places.

And I'm like, I'm, I'm a late night breakfast food person.

Oh, yeah.

And like going to a diner and getting like a plate of just like

hash browns and eggs and like, you know, a turkey sausage, turkey bacon if they have it.

Yeah.

And some orange juice is just really nice to me.

I was, or chicken fingers and french fries.

There you go.

Yeah.

And

did I answer both of those?

Did I do that?

Yeah, I think so.

Both barrels filled.

Also, also, in like Philadelphia, New Jersey diners, we have specific foods like scrapple.

Scrapple.

Okay.

All right, scrapple.

I've never had scrapple, but I'm intrigued by it.

Another thing I can't eat anymore, but it's really good.

Yeah.

Because it's pork.

It's all the leftovers.

Everything but the oink, they say.

Yeah.

Everything but the oink.

Yeah.

I've never had scrapple eitherwise.

Yeah.

I believe the episode of Guy Fieri's Diners, Drive-Ins, and Dives, where he goes,

there's one where he goes and gets Scrapple, and that's where I learned everything about the oink.

That's where I first heard that.

There's also a Diners, Drive-Ins, and Dives.

It can't be the same episode.

Could it, though?

It can't be.

But maybe it is.

I think it is.

I think it might be.

No,

it's Gene Hackman's last on-screen appearance.

Oh,

who was I just talking to about this?

Yeah.

I don't know.

He was just randomly at the diner while they were shooting the segment.

He just talks to him for a second.

But he just basically was like, I like that I can be left alone here.

Do we figure out what happened with him or is it just kind of we moved on from the whole scenario?

I mean, I think there's just like theory, you know,

this is, I don't know, man.

Well, I don't know.

I was just asking.

I think it was, it was pretty, I think it was pretty grim.

There's some theorizing.

I don't know if there's actually, like, I think autopsies were done, but I think there's just still just like a circumstantial evidence of what actually transpired.

You know what?

I know exactly why I was listening to your episode with Tim Baltz this morning.

You talked about it.

Wow.

Yeah.

There you go.

We're talking about Hackman all the time.

My brain is mush.

I don't remember fucking anything anymore.

Well, I don't know if you, I don't know if this is a good segue, but I don't know if there was a lot of options for you for food at today's, if you're not eating.

Do they have turkey?

Oh, yes.

They do have turkey sauces.

Okay, all right.

Okay, which I was very excited about.

Yes, okay.

Hey, buddy, NordVPN gives you safe and private access to the internet.

What is a VPN?

VPN stands for virtual private network.

How does VPN work?

By encrypting your connection, a VPN changes your IP address and virtual location while protecting your online activity from spying eyes and keeping your data safer from cyber criminals.

A VPN lets you watch sporting events, TV shows, and films that aren't available in your region by changing your virtual location to a country where they are showing.

NordVPN's threat protection feature protects you from viruses, malicious malware, and phishing sites.

NordVPN can switch your virtual location, allowing you to save money by purchasing flights, hotels, and subscriptions from other countries at a cheaper price.

Wow.

NordVPN is the fastest VPN in the world, no buffering lagging whilst streaming, and stops your internet service provider from bandwidth throttling.

Premium cybersecurity for the price of a cup of coffee per month, plus one NordVPN account can be used on on up to 10 devices.

You know, Wikes, I was in Canada.

That's right.

And I used NordVPN.

I know I was watching all these shows,

all these games, you know, a little football, a little basketball, stuff I wouldn't be able to watch if not for NordVPN.

So thank you, NordVPN, for making my Canadian experience wonderful.

To get the best discount off your NordVPN plan, go to NordVPN.com/slash Doughboys.

Our link will also give you four extra months on the two-year plan.

There is no risk with Nord's 30-day money-back guarantee.

The link is in the podcast episode description box.

This show is sponsored by Liquid IV.

Wags, it's the dog days of summer as I sit here next to Jemmy.

It's hot, and you gotta stay hydrated.

You know how I stay hydrated?

How's that?

With a liquid IV.

I take liquid IV every night, a strawberry liquid IV.

I mix it into some water, I drink it down, and I'm feeling good.

I'm feeling hydrated.

I'm going to bed a happy little Mitch.

Having to transition from summer shenanigans to the focus needed in the fall should be illegal, but you can ditch the glitch with zero sugar and zero crash from Liquid IV's new energy multiplier, Sugar-Free Hydrating Energy.

It's scientifically formulated to support physical energy, hydration, focus, mood, and social stamina.

Wise, you know what I love about Liquid IV?

I'm getting all those electrolytes.

I'm getting what my body needs.

And you know what?

I'm not getting a giant sugar rush.

I'm not getting all those calories from sugar.

Especially not from the new sugar-free hydrating energy, which is perfect for fall.

Liquid IV's new energy multiplier can help you boost hydration and energy without the jitters or crash of traditional energy drinks.

It's perfect for your gym bag, work lunch, carry-on, or wherever you need that perfect boost of energy.

Whether you're fueling up for a workout, a long day of travel, or just trying to avoid an afternoon slump, Liquid IV's new energy multipliers keep you hydrated and energized.

Plus, it comes in two new delicious flavors, Wags.

Sugar-free energy strawberry kiwi and sugar-free energy blackberry lemonade.

Wow.

Just one stick and 16 ounces of water hydrates better than water alone, Wags.

Powered by LIV Hydro Science, an optimized ratio of electrolytes, essential vitamins, and clinically tested nutrients that turn ordinary water into extraordinary hydration.

Three times the electrolytes of the leading sports drink, eight essential vitamins and nutrients, and always non-GMO, vegan, gluten-free, dairy-free, and soy-free.

Ditch the glitch with zero sugar and zero crash from Liquid IV.

Tear, pour, live, more.

Go to liquidiv.com and get 20% off your first order with code DOE BOYS at checkout.

That's 20% off your first order with code Doughboys at liquidiv.com.

Do it.

Phil's Coffee was founded by Phil Jobber, a Palestinian immigrant in 2003 in San Francisco.

It has 75 locations across California and in Chicago, known for drip coffee brewed to order.

Notably, does not make espresso drinks, which I think a lot of people think of a coffee bar.

They think of espresso drinks, but that's a thing they just flat out don't do.

It expanded in part to its current size due to funding from Summit Partners, which also has funded Uber, McAfee, and Lifestance Health.

Don't you love our economy?

Just like, it's just like the same handful of people who just have their fingers in every pot.

And speaking of which, on July 31st of this year, 2025, it was announced that private equity firm Freeman Spogly and Company is acquiring Phil's coffee for $145 million.

So, hey, all right.

Congrats to Phil.

Very excited.

Onward and upward.

I'm sure the quality is going to get even better.

Which is, well, whatever.

We'll get into Phils.

I like Phil's.

I am a Phils fan.

Phil's for our audio listeners who maybe didn't read the episode description, Phils with a Z, P-H-I-L-Z.

It is a go-to coffee chain for me.

I do think the baristas there are particularly friendly.

They seem to have

a vibe of emphasizing customer service, and they're really efficient in the way they've systematized it.

Because if you haven't been to Phil's, you queue up, you are dispatched to your barista who makes your coffee to order, and you're watching them like they're brewing it.

It's drip coffee brewed to order.

So, like, you're seeing their process.

Um, and it's kind of amazing because they, they're, they're, you know, they're like bartenders, they've all got multiple drinks.

They're all watching.

You can watch each division individual drip go in your coffee.

You can watch each individual drip go.

It's a lot of fun.

Wow.

Yeah.

Amelia, you had a little bit of an ordeal picking up the Phil's order.

Is that correct?

Yeah, it was more so ordering online.

I decided to order in person because I saw that

on the app, like DoorDash, Caviar, those, I tried multiple ones.

If a drink costs $5.95,

after

selecting the size, it would add the price of that in addition to the $5.95.

So it was $5.95 plus $5.95.

It was $12 for a small...

So there was a glitch on the app that just basically doubled the price of everything.

everything yeah so i was like you know what i'm just gonna order this in person

but in person everything was very smooth and yeah without which location did you go to the hillhurst lossfully's location okay yeah i gotta check my receipt you know did you get did you get it did you get door dash i uber eats it oh wow yeah that's that's my go-to is uber eats what is your as you're bringing your receipt up oh what is your default like coffee chain of choice i don't do chains you don't do chains yeah you know i i'll I'll do like coffee shop.

Whatever local shop there is.

Even if you're on the road, you just find a local shop.

There's some very cool coffee shop right on, is it Hillhurst or in Vermont?

Maru on Hillhurst.

Maru has always got a line, and the coffees are that big.

They're tiny.

Yeah.

They cost $15.

I got a tea there.

That's not a glitch.

Same mint to charge $15 for it.

Yeah, it's a very, it's like a hit, right?

Did someone's famous get something there at some point or something?

Is that what it is?

It's kind of like canyon Coffee in Echo Park.

It's just like a cool it's like where cool hot people go to be seen drinking coffee.

There's going to be some influencer that lives in that neighborhood because like Maru and then there's like another there, like a Los Felas cafe across from Little Dom's got like a put, like a, their breakfast burrito went viral.

And then there's like a bunch of people going there.

Well, I think a lot of people live over there.

Yeah, yeah.

But it seems like that block.

That's a big hip street.

Yeah.

I usually see a celebrity every time I pass by Maru.

Yeah.

Really?

Yeah.

Well, don't be coy.

List them off.

I saw Nick Kroll there.

All right.

Very cool.

You need to get Kroll on the wheel.

You got to get Kroll on.

Any other celebs?

I think Jack Black lives in the neighborhood.

I don't see him at Maru, but I see him walking around a lot.

You see Mike Mitchell walking around in the neighborhood.

Are you a coffee drinker?

Because for me, it's every morning.

I am.

Yeah.

I wasn't always.

And like now that I have to be at work,

I find myself drinking coffee.

Like, I don't need it.

It's not necessary.

But I do realize it does help with my bowel movements and emotions.

No, totally.

Same for me.

Yeah.

I don't drink coffee ever, but if there was like a bowel movement drink, I mean, I guess it is coffee.

I should just maybe drink some decaf coffee.

And I did drink decaf for a while.

I would, I would drink that every day.

You don't like caffeine?

Caffeine just gets me like even this, I got a medium coffee here from today, and I have drinking about drank about half of it.

And I am like a little too, a little too wiry.

Caffeine has started making me more anxious.

I've cut down my coffee intake.

I don't have my afternoon coffee anymore, which I had until pretty recently, and I was just like, I got to stop doing this.

This is making me feel insane.

But yeah, a morning coffee, just, yeah, it's, it's, I'll do it, I'll do a cup or two.

And yeah, great for facilitating that AMPM for sure.

I can't drink a coffee after 11.

Right.

Oh, sure.

After 11.

I'm not going to sleep.

Forget it.

What are we talking about?

Yeah.

AMBM, you just said.

Yeah.

It just sounded very close to AMPM.

I've never heard you say it like that very quickly.

I think we've had this discussion.

I think we had the same discussion.

Oh, so maybe I have heard this discussion.

I think you have.

And then I think you just said it's AM PM.

And then you need to riff on what snacks would be at AMPM.

Oh.

And what do you think Gene Hackman calls it?

Did we already?

Oh, we did do an AMPM and they were like, we got like a log.

Yeah, I got a

shit sandwich.

Yeah,

you know, you get it.

Yeah, you guys get it at this point.

Fill in the blanks.

Let's listen to the old episodes.

We already talked about Gene Hackman, apparently.

Have you had fills before?

No, I honestly never heard of it.

Wow.

Yeah.

I'm sorry.

I'm a little surprised in that neighborhood.

And it's just, I was like, oh, it's so close when I looked it up.

I had no idea.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Is she going a little, is she getting a little too graphic?

No, I just, she doesn't need to do that while she's touching you.

Oh, that's, oh, yeah.

That's

good girl.

I, uh, I, I, I, McCall, Phils took over McCall's, which was a meat market right there, right?

It was a butcher, right?

Yeah, it was a butcher, which was great.

It moved to Atwater Village, which is, which is fine, but I kind of was like, what is Phil's?

And then I heard it was a public coffee shop, but I didn't realize it opened in 2003.

I I thought this was like a thing that was like in other states that people like it was beloved.

Well, it is beloved in the Baywide.

No, it's pretty much just in California, but there's also some Chicago outposts.

It is beloved in San Francisco, I will say.

Like, they love it at the game.

The last 20 years, it's beloved.

I mean, you know what I mean?

You know what I'm saying?

You get it?

Fucking only, I don't know, you get it.

I had it up there.

People fucking tech dorks like love Phil's coffee.

I don't give a shit about Phil's.

Yeah.

Right?

I think the guy Phil is a good guy, from what I've read.

Oh, interesting.

Yeah.

Oh, the CEO guy is a good guy.

Are you sure about that?

It seems like every other guy sucks.

I mean, it's possible.

But there's a story he's a Palestinian American immigrant who founded this place.

And like, you know, it seems to have come from.

I'm spitting everywhere.

I'm getting defensive.

he was he was

great guy

i like him

you know what i like all ceos

meta i like meta i like all of it

phils is great uh i i i i don't know the story he yes but the but the but the actual of course there's a tech asshole element to its fandom for sure that's baked in anything that's in the bay area unfortunately uh We went to this,

so I'd like my go-to is just coffee there.

And they have,

you know, they have brew,

they have light, medium, and darker brews.

I usually like a lighter roast, and I will go with like a, that, you know, I think they have one called the Ambrosia.

I'll usually do like an ambrosia and just like very simple, just get it hot, either black or with salt milk.

Yeah.

But they have, they have, they have just a handful of different,

you know, roasts and, and, and blends.

And that's one way you can go, but they also have some more like bespoke creations, including some of the stuff we got.

Corinne, where did, like, did you go in store?

No, you ordered on Uber Eat.

What did you end up getting?

I got the, I think it's called the spiced vanilla soul.

Okay.

Something like that.

Yeah, the names are a little bit absolutely in the title.

It's, and it, it, it felt like a chai tea latte, uh, like an iced chai.

It's um spiced vanilla soul, filtered soul cold brew, Ghirardelli vanilla sauce, spiced, spiced oat milk, and a dash of cinnamon on top.

I didn't know what I was drinking, but it was fine.

It was fine, yeah.

Was it hot or iced?

It was iced.

It was iced, but it was in a hot cup.

That happened today.

That's yeah, they're doing that today with us.

I think that maybe they just have the one cup that they're

good for the environment.

Who knows?

No, that's Phil maybe is great and has good cups.

That's another thing I do kind of like about this place is that they don't seem to have single-use plastic.

All their food comes in paper.

All of their drinks come in cardboard, even their cold drinks.

So I do like that.

I have a pitch for a coffee place.

What's that?

It's called Roasters.

And you go in there and they're like, nice haircut, you dip shit.

Like they make fun of you.

Oh, they roast you.

It's like an Ed DeBevix or a Dick's

last resort where they make fun of you.

What do you think?

I think that's what you want when you're tired.

It's like 6.30 a.m.

and you got to eat.

Yeah, you're tired.

You look like shit.

You know, stuff like that.

roasters what do you think

i'm gonna go out to uh kill tony about it and see what he thinks local coffee shop gets shot up

i cannot imagine that like lasting a long time

I also got food too.

I got their, they have a turkey sausage,

like egg cheese on English muffin.

And it was pretty good.

I was bringing up the menu here so I could I could take a look at it.

Yeah, I mean, like, it's it, I don't think of their, I don't ever get their food.

And I, that, that, like, today it may have been the first time I've ever had their food.

That can't be true.

I must have gotten like a brownie at some point or something.

But, like, I, I, like, I, I, it's just not, I, I think if it's a coffee place, and I think they have food like out of a sense of obligation, but you liked what you got.

Um, it was fine.

Um, it, yeah, I think, like, my overall experience was it was fine.

Right.

Because, like, with the turkey sausage, you could tell like it's there they want it to be a little sweet, but instead it was like a little tangy.

And I don't think that's what you want from meat at all.

But I ate it.

I ate like half of it and it was it was a breakfast sandwich.

Phil's is fine.

That is

P-H-I-N-E-Z.

Phil's is fine.

Yeah.

That's how I feel about Phil's.

It is, it seems very...

It seems fine.

Yeah.

But you're also not a coffee guy.

I think that the coffee is actually decent, but I said this right before the show: that it's right next door to a coffee bean and tea leaf.

I'd rather have choosing a coffee bean.

I'm choosing the coffee bean.

Wow, really?

Yeah.

I'd rather have Phil's than coffee bean.

Really?

Yeah, pretty much any day.

Man, I've iced vanilla latte from coffee bean and tea leaf knocks this shit out of the fucking

like the thing with their menu, it feels like a lot of like gimmicks.

They do do that drinks.

I will say their signature, they have the mint mojito iced coffee, which I've gotten before, which is, you know, they put fresh mint in that bad boy.

That is delightful.

I do think that's really good.

Some of their seasonal stuff, we got the honey haze ice, which is a sweet hazelnut treat made with filtered

soul cold brew, honey, and oat milk.

That was the ones, one of the ones we got.

And I was just like, this just kind of tastes like sweet.

You know what I mean?

It's sweet and a little chemical.

It didn't have like a lot, honestly, anything specific,

specific flavor notes I could lock on to that where I was just like, okay, I'm getting all this stuff.

You know what I mean?

And that's why, again, why I default to just like coffee at this place.

It just feels like what the like what they're the whole point of, like just keep it simple.

Just do what they're

what they build their brand on.

Yeah.

I got, I, I had a mocha.

I got a, uh, what the fuck is the stupid name for it?

You got the

a mocha to Sora.

I mean, that is,

that's actually better than what it was.

What is it called?

Mocha Tessora, Ghirardelli chocolate.

Oh, it's just Tesora blend combined.

Tesora is their other blend of coffee there was no creative name to it mocha de sora uh and i thought that i thought it was good i think that they're i think they do do coffee best here like that's the thing that they do best not saying it's the best coffee yeah but it was tasty uh giordelli uh chocolate mixed in with coffee girardelli gieradelli yeah

right giordelli chocolate girardelli i think it's ghirardelli yeah yeah girardelli girardelli yeah yeah it is ghirardelli i got it wrong

it's not girodelli gieradelli chocolate mixed in with coffee You're going to like that.

It tastes good.

Yeah.

I don't know.

Whatever.

Do they have like a partnership with Ghirardelli?

I don't think they must.

Yeah.

There was a couple.

Were there a few of those?

Ghirardelli.

There was a couple of those on the menu.

I mean, another San Francisco brand.

Oh, Girardelli is?

Yeah.

They're from San Francisco.

No, shut up.

They are.

The originals in San Francisco.

There's Ghirardelli Square.

We went there.

I'm not yelling at you.

I believe you.

I just didn't know.

I would have been like, oh, that's a French company.

Yes,

I thought it was.

No, I'm pretty sure it's found in San Francisco.

Yeah.

We went there.

We went there?

We went to the original.

We went to Girardelli Square.

Did we really?

I think we did.

I'm pretty sure we did that.

I did.

And we had Yira.

And we had Yirardelli?

I think so.

I did not see San Francisco saying Girardelli.

I think we did some Girardelli stuff on a San Francisco live show.

We did, yeah, at some point.

Oh, God.

I don't remember.

I don't remember.

Yeah.

I don't know.

I don't remember this stuff.

I also also got the caramel banana brew, which

our pal Donkey Kong would appreciate this one.

This had Mission Cold Brew, Rich Banana, Carl Sauce, Almond Milk, and swirled with more caramel.

You really could taste the banana in this one.

I was worried it was going to taste a little science-y, not too science-y,

not too chemically.

I would never care.

No,

I'm pretty tasty.

I would never care to drink either of your drinks ever again.

Yeah, no, this is the thing.

I would not get these if not for content.

This would never be my order.

I mean, that's just not how I, like at a coffee shop, I just don't need the more exotic wares.

I don't need all this extra stuff.

I mean, I know some people are, they'll basically there for dessert.

They're basically there for a milkshake.

So I think if you are looking for that, the honey haze I thought was a misfire, but the caramel banana brew, which is seasonal, I thought was delightful.

Yeah, I just can never see myself getting them again.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Banana in a coffee.

Yeah.

You don't need that.

No, you don't need it.

It's unkopachka, but I will say, like, if that's what you're looking for, I don't got the job done.

You pooped.

I took a huge, huge shit

immediately.

That's where you were taking a phone call.

You were gone on a phone call.

You missed it earlier for a good half hour.

When I got here, you were in the bathroom.

We also got some food, Mitch.

So we got a, let's start on the savory side.

I didn't get anything savory, but you got a couple of things.

You got a pork sausage and egg burrito, flour tortilla, eggs, potatoes, cheddar cheese, and pork sausage.

You also got a jalapeno cheddar beagle bagel.

Jesus Christ.

Jalapeno cheddar bagel.

Don't worry, Jemmy.

Jemmy, don't worry.

We're not eating dogs here with cream cheese.

And

I don't know.

You've been on a real animal kick today.

We were doing ads before you got here, and he was saying, What did you say?

You said hoot.

Hungry hoot.

You said hungry hoot.

And you said goat health.

Goat health.

To be fair, Jemmy would love to be a cheddar beagle, cover her in cheddar cheese.

She'd be so stoked.

She is.

She collects the cheese tax every time the cheese drawers open.

You can't eat the spicy, baby.

Oh, she'll eat the spicy.

She'll eat it all.

She loves her cheese.

Good girl.

You deserve it all.

You do deserve it all.

Look, I got zoo brain.

What do you want from me?

You do got zoo brain.

You got to write the ghost zoo movie.

What is the ghost zoo?

Ah, like that.

No,

it's like a spooky kids movie.

Like they get trapped in a zoo overnight, an abandoned zoo overnight, but it's haunted by animal ghosts, the ghosts that used to be there.

Well, that's sad.

There's like one extinct animal that's a ghost.

We were abused.

Taken from our home.

Give them a sense of closure.

Maybe they can see them to steward them through the other side.

Operating zoo.

I don't know.

It could be an operating zoo.

I was thinking

museum style.

Like it goes dark and everybody wakes up.

The animals come out.

Do you like get them to heaven at the end or hell, I guess?

I have no idea where this story leads.

Yeah, I haven't decided if they're good or bad.

Okay.

Maybe there's one bad, like, I think maybe they go to heaven.

Maybe there's like a bad zookeeper.

That goes to hell?

Yeah, they kill him.

The kids get murdered.

The kids kill the zookeeper?

Yeah.

Like with their hands.

Yeah.

Please.

It's giving me like a

kids of my own.

I can't do anything.

Just trying to support my family.

Man,

it feels like a G-rated movie until this moment, basically.

And it's giving like a We're Back vibes.

You remember?

Yeah, sort of Weir Back.

Yeah.

100%.

Yeah.

I green light both.

Wow, hell yeah.

Coming soon.

I mean, I got to say,

Krampus Polar Express is a better movie than Ghost Zoo.

How dare you?

I think both are marketable.

Both have their audiences.

I think this is more my vibe.

Okay.

But this, like, you know, like a children's movie where they strangle an old man at the end of it?

Doesn't seem like you're not.

I think the zookeeper has to also be dead already and he needs to be sent to hell.

You know, like,

why is he still there yeah

uh it's a good question but we'll figure all this out in the writing process

just give me some money and i'll get this thing going

look back to the burrito yeah back to the burrito my first comment to amelia she unwrapped her burrito and i said it looked like trump's hand oh yeah and it did it looked like trump's little fucking it was it looked it was translucent it was like it was a it looks like trump's hand is the best way a big grease spot in one specific area it looks just like Trump's hand.

That's all I can say.

It looks just like Trump's hand from the photo.

And did it taste like Trump's hand?

And you know what?

Didn't taste far off from Trump's hand.

I think we both were like, this is like perfectly fine.

I've had the turkey sausage breakfast sandwich.

And my mom, when she was there, did you take it?

Did you have a picture of it?

Yeah.

It looks like Trump's hand.

It looks just like it.

Yeah, it's like a musician.

Amelia's holding it up right there.

Yeah.

Oh, wow.

Yeah.

Can you, can you put a side-by-side?

We're recording this a little bit in advance.

I wonder if Trump's hand will still be in the Zeitgeist by the time this comes up.

Oh, it's

Trump.

He just comes back around once a month or so.

And it's getting worse.

It is.

The hand is getting worse.

He ankles his hand.

People are like, oh,

he's on the way out or whatever is what they say when they see the hand.

But

that's wishful to wish people that he's going to live to like 100 or something.

I'm not sure.

He'll outlive me.

Well,

trust me.

Seems like something's playing at it.

But the burrito, which I think that is actual

pork sausage, the burrito.

Yeah.

I liked the turkey sausage breakfast sandwich more,

but Phil's food is, which, by the way, it should be Phil's food.

I don't know if it is.

It should be P-H-O-O-D.

I think.

Mitch, that's a good note.

I'm not sure if it is.

I don't think it is.

It should be.

It's points off if it's not.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Phil's coffee should be like C-O-P-H-P-H-E-E.

Fuck.

I fucking love that.

I actually truly do love that.

That's really good.

You hear that, Phil?

That's just good marketing.

I wish that this place.

Or P-H is more Z's.

I think that's, yeah, the general note.

But I also think that this place is just kind of boring to me.

Like, I was like, is there something more to this place?

And it just seems like a very boring spot.

It's boring.

But that's the whole thing.

Like, it's like, it's boring, but the customer, like, I think so much of Phil's is the customer service experience, which we didn't get on this particular visit, but I've had.

It's just like, I'm the spoon man.

Give me some flair.

Give me some panaz.

I want something going on, baby.

Give me something.

I think it's a very, I think it's, I think if you go in store and you order, your coffee's made fresh to order.

You're having it there.

You can taste the quality of just like an individual pour over.

And then also it's like,

you get to choose your brew to order.

They do have a bunch of different roasts.

They have like basically four of each sort of intensity.

And like, I'd like, again, this is a place that to me is all about the coffee.

And I'm pretty sure how conceptually that's where it began.

And I think it's executing well on that.

It just, that does not really encompass the bulk of our order today.

And also, again, we're missing out on that the in-store side of it.

But it's fucking boring.

If you're going to put yourself on Uber Eats,

you're going to be evaluated

as such.

It's boring.

Get a mascot.

Get a mascot.

A big Z.

Get a big Z.

That's Swan.

Get Satan.

That's boring as hell.

Do you have a...

It's a Burger Brigade headquarters.

I feel like all the people who are in Burger Brigade are fucking in Phils just hanging out writing fucking ghost zoo movies.

I don't write that.

That's my idea.

Did you have a what did you think of that bagel?

I liked the bagel.

Yeah.

The bagel was the one thing that I was like, this isn't bad.

It's not a bad bagel.

It scratched the itch.

It was pretty good.

They were out of everything bagels.

I had a cheddar jalapeno bagel, as we said, and it was, it was pretty good.

It was pretty good.

It's weird when I think back on,

you know, when I worked in video games, like how, like, I had a stretch where every day I I was going to Coffee Bean and Tea Leaf and getting coffee and then getting a jalapeno cheese better with a jalapeno cheese bagel with cream cheese.

And it's like,

I didn't see the bear.

Fucking zoom brain.

You got to get this movie out of here.

Yeah, get it out.

It wants to come out.

We got some sweet treats as well.

Mitch, you got a chocolate croissant.

I did.

I got pumpkin bread, and I also got a crookie croissant, which tees something up we talked about about earlier.

She's afraid.

Amelia,

you had a comment on this.

Well, I wanted Mitch to do this, but do you want me to do it still?

You should do it, yeah.

I'm not a crookie.

There you go.

And see, I thought the Trump hand was going to tee up that, but I'm surprised.

That was a little surprised.

Did not see it coming.

That's what she did the impression.

But I wrote it specifically for you to do.

You're ghostwriting bits for me?

Yeah.

Croissant Nixon.

A croissant topped and filled with chocolate chip cookie dough.

Oh, wait, no, I thought my collar was tucked in in your hand.

No, it told me the whole time.

Okay.

That's a croissant with chocolate chip cookie dough.

Let me just say this about the cookie croissant while we're talking about it.

I thought this was really bad.

Like, it felt like a croissant with like two globs of dough grafted onto either end of the boomerang.

And then

you bit into those, and they were like so dense and concentrated, and you didn't get enough croissant in those bites.

It was just like it was it was a it was cookie dough and croissant uh coexisting but not even peacefully it felt like they were at war i i thought it was a brundle fra it was a brundle fly situation it really did it felt like an abomination it was a thing that should not be

i gotta mad at amelia too this is there amelia thinks that there's a fly in our light switch which is first of all insane yeah that there was one and there has now passed away it's lived a long life yeah their electrician also came i think so the electrician came oh interesting

Did a fly, was there any sort of insect man that sent me a fly?

The electrician, I found your issue.

It's this one fly

still alive in his hand.

Electrician was a spider.

I have a question about the croissant part.

Was it a curled croissant or a straight croissant?

It was like, no, it was kind of like a curled one.

Yeah, that was the form factor.

Like, like, really curled or like

not super curled.

Let me see if we we can i can pull it back actually i didn't take a pic it almost looked like they were they were like i expected it to be like cookie dough inside the croissant like you would find in a chocolate croissant which would make more sense and it almost looked like someone pulled up a croissant and was like shit this is supposed to have cookie on it and they like slapped two cookies on it and they're like there no it's cookie croissant it was it was kind of the vibe it had it really was brundle fly it was a little brundle fly okay here here we go actually yeah amelia does have a picture there i can show that to you here that looks crazy yeah yeah yeah uh i learned about croissants like when they, when they're straight, they're made with butter.

And when they're like curled, curled, they're made with margarine.

Oh, interesting.

Oh, I like that.

This could be a lie.

Good insight.

But that's

what I learned.

It's canon now.

We're seeing that.

Okay, great.

Great.

Amelia said that I was going to come in looking like Brundlefly after something happened with

the fly attacked me.

And she said I was going to show up.

And I like really genuinely got me upset because when I was little and I saw that movie, I was afraid of turning into a fly for a very long time.

It's very traumatic.

That movie is

truly disgusting.

And I never, like, once I saw that movie, I never thought of flies the same way.

I like, they're fucking disgusting.

Yeah, I like when

the shotgun's aimed at him, and then he pulls it up to his own head.

I'm like, that's so relatable.

Been there, Brundle Fry.

Bundlefly.

You're there with Brundlefly and he moves it from his head to your head.

I get hard.

Don't tease me.

Nancy Reagan pushes Brendelfly out of the way.

Sucks off you and Brendelfly.

And then gets shot by both dicks somehow.

Oh, boy.

Bitch, what do you think of your chocolate croissant?

Not bad.

Yeah.

It wasn't bad.

It wasn't bad.

It wasn't bad.

You had a bite of it.

You know what?

I did it.

Definitely better than the cookie croissant.

I actually do.

I think I do like the coffee bean and tea leaf

chocolate croissant better.

Yeah.

But

it wasn't bad.

It was a tasty little bite.

You had a bite of it, Amelia?

Yeah, it was okay.

It wasn't bad.

I thought the highlight of the sweet treats was the pumpkin bread, which is kind of an autumn cliche, but I thought it was pretty.

It was well actually.

It was early.

This is the whole fucking thing.

These seasons are expanding so much.

We're recording this episode in August.

They got the fucking Halloween decorations at Costco already.

I just, I can't, let's, let's just fucking, whatever.

Yeah.

I can't with this shit.

You know, my issue with it is like.

There's two times.

There's like, there's like regular year, which is like, I guess, roughly January till now.

And then there's Halloween time and then there's Christmas time.

Like half the year is those two seasonal times.

Like just back to back.

Thanksgiving gets Halloween and Christmas.

Did they say Thanksgiving meant Christmas?

Halloween and Christmas are the two seasons.

Oh, no, I'm saying that it gets skipped right over.

Yeah, it's hard to capitalize food.

You know, like

we used to put up Thanksgiving decorations.

Now I also do think that those have aged poorly.

Like, I don't think that's a good idea.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah, I also think that's part of it.

It's like, well, this holiday is kind of full of shit.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Cornucopia is nice or something, seeing something like that.

But Halloween, I don't have an issue with us, the Halloween season, as we've called it, Wags, if that got bigger.

But the issue is, is that now you don't feel it as much anymore.

When I, when, when I was a boy, I've taught, I've gone on this rant before, but when I was a boy, you, you, the Halloween season was really celebrated.

Urkel was every week, Urkel, you know, on during October, the, like, the TGIF lineup was celebrating Halloween in some way.

There was, it was like, uh, there were specials.

You really felt the Halloween thing.

And you don't feel, I know that I'm an adult man that's 42 years old.

I think living in LA also affects it too, because the seasonal change in the northeast, like that is, that's a big part of it.

It's just and like it getting darker earlier.

Granted, it does do that when you know we

here.

Yeah.

But like that, that like crispness in the air and the fall leaves crunching, it's like, ooh, spooky.

I know, I like it.

Everything's a little spooky.

But now it's like, like living in LA, like

it's just depressing.

Well, because the sun is never going away.

Yes, and it's maybe the hottest.

It's like now October is also like one of the hottest.

It's moved into like one of the hottest months.

Look, I'm a lifelong SoCal server dude.

I grew up here.

Sewer dude.

God damn it.

Can't fucking warm yourself.

You're a fucking sewer, dude.

No, I'm not.

Oh, no.

Going to AMBM down there?

Not a sewer dude.

Not hanging with the turtles

or the gators.

No, I am a

like I've lived in Southern California my whole life.

I think the you can do good

Halloween here.

I think a big issue is just like Halloween expanding to such a large swath of time that it loses its specialness.

I think what it was just like, yeah, maybe, okay, all of October is fine.

Have one spooky month.

But when it's, it started having handles into these, into its adjacent months.

And now, again, for all of September is now part of spooky season.

It's just, it's just too much.

Yeah.

I have, I have, I have an idea.

Um, before 2026 ends, the SoCal surfer dude surfs once.

Before 2026 ends?

I'm giving a whole extra year.

I'm giving a whole extra year.

I don't let me do that.

We'll see.

If you want to keep the title, I think you need to surf.

You think I need to get up on a board?

I think so.

This feels big.

This is huge.

All right.

We'll see.

I lay down to you a surf challenge, my dude.

Wow.

Mahalo.

Surf challenge.

If you want to keep the title, you got to surf.

Also, I had another idea.

A C-Pap double.

I want you to try a C-Pap.

You want me to sleep in a C-PAP?

Yeah, but you could even just wear one during the episode and try it out.

Okay.

I'm down for that.

All right.

It's not an audio night.

But I wear it.

Yeah.

How much noise do one of those generate?

They're actually very quiet.

They're quiet now.

They're much more quiet now.

But it does cover your mouth, correct?

It's way better.

It does cover your mouth.

It's way better now.

Just the nose ones they do have just the nose ones yeah those are fun i can yell i can say i through my cpap i yell alexa lights off at night so i do i do understand and alexa understands it stands me through the mask that's cool yeah so that is my other that's my other double pitch but we go i want to get you i think you should surf before the year 2026 all right we'll see i might do it do it might just be easier to retire the bit the most fun answer all right we'll see

just say yes

challenge accepted yeah now we're talking yeah

you heard it here, boys.

This guy's gonna surf.

This guy's gonna make fun of him, boy.

I'm an announcer.

You're right, you're in.

You just, you sadly, you just made yourself a part of this thing.

You might get eaten by your shark or something.

That's, I don't know, that's a word too.

Yeah.

That's true.

Aquarium ghosts.

Aquarium man.

Aquarium ghosts is pretty good.

Yeah, that's a good.

That's when we turned into a franchise.

I like, ah, boy, they're really,

I would, I don't think I'd want to be eaten by a shark.

That seems pretty bad.

You think when you think about like ways to go, like, I mean, for me,

look, if you die, yeah, I'll be very, very upset and sad.

You're, I love you, I, I love you, but

if you do get eaten by a shark, that is like truly one of the funniest ways for you to die.

I meant in general.

I wasn't worried about this particular, I was just thinking of like it happening.

But yes, I agree.

If I was like, I accept the surfing challenge, we went to for me to surf.

Amelia was there filming me standing up on a surfboard and then a shark fucking eats me.

Oh, we got it.

That would be very funny.

Put it on tape.

A mitch challenge Weiger to surf and then he fucking died.

A shark ate him.

Most sharks.

They wouldn't be so mad at you.

In being eaten, you'd get a limb taken, but you'd still survive.

Oh, yeah.

Okay.

Yeah, even a limb taken would be pretty funny.

And then all the cyborg jokes I could make about you.

This is only good stuff.

I come in here with a peg leg.

That's very,

I'm saying that you already had a third leg.

It's no big deal.

There's a lot of good bits that could happen.

Look, I don't want it to happen, but there's a lot of good bits that could happen if you were attacked

if I'm eaten or maimed by a shark.

Yes.

All right.

Well, we'll see if it happens.

Right now, we're going to get to our final episode.

Also, like the tearful first, whatever, or tearful final episode where I'm like, why is this going on?

The final episode of Doughboys is just like, let's go, why are you getting eaten up?

We're going to miss him so much, and it's so sad.

You're so enjoyable.

I'll always think of him in the mouth of that shark, his legs wiggling.

Oh, no.

His shorts coming off.

Oh, man.

Let's get to our fork scores.

And I know that he would want us to see that, so roll roll the clip, Amelia.

Showing your hog flailing about as a shark fucking swallows you.

She put that music over it.

Hey, buddy, with prices going up on just about everything lately, dealing with money can be stressful.

Trying to manage subscriptions, track spending, and cut costs can feel overwhelming.

Luckily, Rocket Money can relieve some of that stress and help you feel confident in the financial decisions you make.

Wags.

Rocket Money is a personal finance app that helps find and cancel your unwanted subscriptions, monitors your spending, and helps lower your bills so you can grow your savings.

Wow.

If you've got a goal you'd like to save for, Rocket Money can analyze your accounts to find the best time each month to put extra money aside.

Get alerts if your bills increase in price, if there's unusual activity in your accounts, if you're close to going over budget, and even when you're doing a good job.

Rocket Money's 5 million members have saved a total of $500 million in canceled subscriptions with members saving up to $740 a year when they use all of the app's premium features.

Wow.

Cancel your unwanted subscriptions and reach your financial goals faster with Rocket Money.

Go to rocketmoney.com slash Doughboys today.

That's rocketmoney.com slash Doughboys.

RocketMoney.com slash Doughboys.

So, Corinne, here's how this will work.

We will each go around, give our closing argument, add anything you have, you would like to say or sum up your thoughts on Phil's coffee, and end that by giving it a score from zero to five forks.

You are our guest seated to my left.

Your thoughts, your fork score on Phil's coffee.

Um, okay, Phil's coffee, you know, I didn't get much.

I got my spiced vanilla soul and my turkey sandwich.

Like I said, they were fine.

They did come in like uh, like this cute little like lunch box, like cardboard lunchbox thing.

And I was like, okay, that's branding.

That's exciting.

Yeah, exciting.

That's exciting.

But, you know, flavor-wise, taste-wise, I don't know.

I gave it two forks.

Two forks.

And I probably won't go again.

Wow.

Yeah.

Look, I don't.

I feel like if you're in the need of a quick breakfast, there's like a way where you're like, I want that, that egg sausage sandwich that I'm near Phil's and I'm going on a road trip or something.

I can get coffee in that sandwich.

That's like the only way I could see it.

But then I'm still probably just going to coffee bean and tea leaf.

Even though they, coffee, bean and tea leaf really doesn't have like a lot of, like, I don't think they have any like egg sandwiches, right?

Or like egg-based sandwiches.

I don't think so.

I don't think so either.

So, like,

I mean, I'm going to Duncan's before I'm going to Phil.

And I love Duncan's, but like, I do genuinely think Duncan's is better than Phil's for food, at least.

Well, yeah.

Also, just a small black coffee from Duncan's.

I'm liking that more than I am liking Phil's.

Phil's is fine.

I think that Phil's is fine.

I think that that's almost a good slogan for the place.

And I think that they should do a P,

I think they should use PH in their menus.

And I think that they, it's just such a boring coffee place.

And people were like, Phil's is good.

And it's, and then it was, it popped up in Los Filas.

And I was like, all right, I should check it out.

And then, and it's just like, so whatever.

Yeah.

I am kind of mad at my mom because I think she got me the turkey sausage sandwich instead of the sausage burrito because I think she's worried about my health.

So that pisses me off.

She does this shit all the time.

She thinks I'm going to die and I'm mad at her for it.

But

she does do, she'll like get like the like lighter option for, she does stuff like that all the time.

But

she was right to do it because that turkey sausage sandwich is better than the burrito.

The burrito looks like Trump's hand.

It was bad.

It wasn't good.

Amelia, you were going to save your burrito for dinner.

And I was like, eat it.

It's not, it's not worth it.

It's not going to last one.

And it's just not worth saving for dinner.

And you made that change and you ate it then.

I think that was worth it.

It was the right move.

I think I would have been really sad if I saved that for dinner.

And that's what it was, my dinner.

Yeah,

it's a tiny little, and also like with all the breakfast burritos you can get around here.

And I've already said I don't even love breakfast burritos, but like, there's so much better options than

Hillhurst?

Yes.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

You know what must be nice about the Trump hand?

I bet he doesn't have to sit in it to give himself a stranger.

It's just numb.

Yeah.

Doesn't feel like anything.

It's typing tricky, but he's not doing that anyway.

It looks close to dad.

Yeah.

The hand looks very close to dad.

It's

necrosis might be taking place.

It seems like necrosis is taking place.

Yeah.

Which is a whole different sort of stranger.

But

the big stranger we're all waiting on.

The ultimate stranger.

The constant stranger.

Anyways, we hope your hand heals, Mr.

President.

And I'm going to go, you know what?

I was going to go two and a half forks, but I'm going to go hand-holding club with our wonderful guests.

I'm going to go two forks.

Wow.

Okay.

So

I, look, I agree with both of you about the food.

I'm going to go back to the thesis of this podcast, which is how is this place at what it's trying to achieve?

And yes, I would rather have

food from Duncan.

I would rather have food from McDonald's if we're talking about like some sort of quick breakfast.

If I'm going, if Phil's is my only option, they have food I can get there, but I'm not happy about it.

I would never get the food from Phil's under normal circumstances.

And I think it's fair to say that it's just, it's, it's just not anything particularly notable.

But I think their coffee is good.

And I'm not talking about like all their fancy, you know, bespoke, like sweetened brews.

I'm talking about like their straight up like a cup of coffee from there.

I think if you go there and you get a brewed coffee and you get it sweetened and

creamed to your liking, I think you're going to have yourself a better cup of coffee than you would at pretty much any other coffee chain.

I really do think that.

And I looked up our score for

creamed to your liking.

I didn't like it.

Get it as creamed as you like.

Creamed to your liking.

They'll cream it to order.

I think that

that is what they do well.

And I think, again, just like the customer service is great there.

And I think that the barista experience of just like, I'm seeing this person make my cup of coffee.

They're giving it to me.

They're letting me know.

They're asking me if I need any adjustments.

And

it's very consistent.

I know what to expect there and I'm satisfied with what I get.

I looked up my score for Blue Bottle and I'd rather go to Phil's than Blue Bottle.

You know what?

Maybe I gave Blue Bottle a better score and I shouldn't have.

I like Phil's more than Blue Bottle.

Yeah, you gave Blue Bottle three forks.

Oh, I don't know.

Blue Bottle is worse.

Yeah.

I agree.

And I was going to say, like, I was going to, I was going to give this place three forks, even though that's on par with Blue Bottle, because I think that's about like, you know, hey, I think Phil's does a good job.

But this blows my, this blows, this is a little bit more difficult.

I'm going to go a little higher because I think I just got to skew up the score from each of y'all.

Cause I like, I think this place is better than a two-fork chain.

I would give this three and a half forks, and that's where I'm going to go with Phil's coffee.

Okay, I'm going to go two and a half forks.

I'm moving.

I'm going out of the handholding club, and I'm putting Blue Bottle to two forks.

Wow.

Wow.

Interesting.

I guess Blue Bottle has a great hot chocolate.

Oh, okay.

Oh, shit.

I never had a hot chocolate.

That could change things.

Hot bottle also does do.

Because I think you're like me and you like a latte over like a drip coffee.

Yes, yeah.

Which I, because I would probably not have a good time at Phil's because I don't love a regular drip coffee.

No espresso.

No espresso.

And they don't do espresso, but I think Blue Bottle does do espresso, so that might make you

a bit more of it.

But I like.

She's pissed off.

She's not getting the,

you know what I'm saying?

Someone will explain that to me later.

I

don't know the song Espresso by Sabrina Copperner.

That can't be true.

I believe it will.

You probably heard it at the gym or something you didn't really know.

Can I want me to sing it for you for a second?

And we won't get DCMA'd.

Will we?

Will we get DCMA'd for the Donkey Kong rap?

No, I don't think so.

I don't think so.

Think about ooh, think about

Espresso.

And Lois Joy.

I don't need that helps him at all.

No idea what that is.

Think about who I was trying to appear.

Oh my God.

I like that they're like, we're not going to do espresso drinks.

Like, if you want them, obviously this is the wrong place to go.

But again, I like that they're like, no, our menu is streamlined.

We're focused on making this type of coffee.

It's not streamlined.

Yeah, you are correct.

Yes, you're correct.

It's not streamlined.

You know what?

It's confusing.

If what they're trying to be good at is like confusing coffees, they've knocked out of the pop.

Okay, these are good notes.

And I think that's totally fair.

That, like, it's also by the way, they have too much going on right now, but this, the stuff that they built there that Phil's is built on, um, is very solid, and that's why I have some fan of it.

Blue Bottle has got yeasty boys right outside of it, you know what I mean?

I think that's well, it depends, depends on the blue bottle, and that's all you're referring to yeasty boys, which is a talking about Los Felis specifically.

You're getting so hyper-specific with the geography of national chains.

It's what I know.

If you have a bagel truck that you like that's specific to LA,

it's my experience, It's what I know, okay?

What do you want from me?

That's what I know.

Blue Bottle is owned by Nestle, one of the most evil corporations on earth.

Anyway, well, that's why the hot chocolate's

time for a segment.

It's time for a segment.

It's our original version of the defunct one-gotta-go meme.

It's a single item must be banished.

Back to school edition.

Back to school edition.

These were compiled by Amelia because this episode is coming out in September.

Yeah.

It's coming out in September.

Look, that's not that far off.

We're almost in September.

It's literally next week.

It's yes.

It's very close.

I just want to say this, and you're worried about it aging poorly.

It's not that far behind.

I got to say this.

Yeah.

First of all,

congratulations to Taylor Swift and Travis Kelsey.

They're engaged.

But I bring that up because...

We did an ass cat

with our best friend, Jason Kelsey.

Wow, how about that?

And you're a Birds fan, and it was a huge and also exciting.

I loved that Joe Wengert came after

Joe Wengert the best.

Came after the Eagles game to meet Jason Kelsey.

He was going to do the ASCAT, I think, but then had to go to an Eagles game.

Yeah.

And what a delight he was.

He was incredible.

Also very hot.

He was looking good.

He looked great.

Hey, Jason, keep it up.

Sorry to your wife.

But yeah.

Go birds.

Wow.

He did look great.

He did look.

Apologies to your wife.

He did look great.

I don't think

I wouldn't imagine your wife is upset to hear that you're like attractive.

I feel like.

Well, the way I'm saying it is different from the way he's saying it.

No, it's not.

I think we maybe even said this the last time you were on, but there was a very...

We were like, we're going to buy Jason Kelsey's shots.

And

we bought Jason Kelsey tequila shots.

He was like, oh, man.

And he did it with us.

Yeah.

And then

there's video evidence of it.

And then I bought him a second shot.

And he went, I think his response was, what the hell, bitch?

He immediately was like, uh, caught onto me as a human being.

It was like, you're too much.

This is too much shit.

But he did, he did the tequila shots with us.

He was hanging with us.

He was a great, he was a great hang.

Yeah.

He was really, really nice guy, too.

And that's what you want when you meet your heroes.

He was very nice.

Super Bowl champion.

Wow.

Congrats to your, congrats to you on your brother's engagement day.

Yes.

Just what?

One degree of separation between us and Taylor Swift.

That is true.

Wow.

She might be hanging with us soon.

All right, this is

her on Doughboys.

This is a single item that must be banished back to school edition.

First up, cafeteria staples.

We have rectangle pizza, ham and cheese sandwich, chicken nuggets, and tater tots.

I mean, I've tasted a ham and cheese sandwich.

Yeah, I'm curious about the inclusion of ham and cheese sandwich.

Is that meant to be like you brought from home engagement?

No, no, that's like a cafeteria cafeteria sandwich.

A ham and cheese sandwich?

You guys didn't have that.

Not in our day.

Turkey and cheese?

No.

No, I don't remember ever seeing just like a straight-up sandwich at the

peanut butter and jelly.

Peanut butter and jelly,

but never ham and cheese.

What if it's just a sandwich?

I think peanut butter and jellies are like gone now because of peanut allergy.

Oh, right.

Yeah.

Like, I know a lot of schools won't let you bring, like, you'll see snacks now that say school's safe because they can't have certain nuts in them.

If you replaced that with a PBJ, things would get tricky.

yeah what would you do in that case what would you do next with a pbj yeah make it if we replace it with a pb and j honestly oh my god this is actually hard i know my answer what's that i think the chicken nuggets would go wow yeah i was between chicken nuggets or tater tots and if it was the pbj i maybe crazy enough we'll get rid of tater tots but elliots is always that square pizza actually you know what i mean you would get rid of the chicken nuggets too um I think I agree.

I think it would be chicken nuggets for me.

Although I like chicken nuggets, I have such affection for cafeteria tater tots and for rectangle pizza.

And although I don't eat peanuts,

anymore, there was a time when peanut butter was a staple of my diet and a PB ⁇ J would have been quite sensitive.

I would definitely take that.

The poor children.

No more peanut butter.

They're the best.

Grape jelly and strawberry.

I would do straw.

I love strawberry.

Now, when I was a kid, I loved grape jelly.

But now, as I've grown up and my tastes have refined, I like strawberry.

I'll do strawberry, but oftentimes in my house, we had boysenberry, which is because, because, yeah, there's

well, no, here's the thing.

We're like, like they just have, we're not, but we're by knotts berry farm, the theme park

in Southern California.

They just have knotts berry, like they just have the jam at the grocery store.

So we would just, and, and boysenberry is like one of their staples.

So we just get like knotts boysenberry jam and have that all the time.

They gave you boysenberry and peanut butter, or was it your mom make it?

Yeah, my mom, my mom would make it or my dad would make it.

Yeah.

But I, you know, I have strawberry too.

I think grape would probably be, you know, I just have less affection for grape jelly in general.

People, the Mount Clountmore episode came out today, and people were like, How did he not choose Wiger's dad?

Because I always say Wigger's,

by the way, an intelligent, great man.

I call him a clown-ass dad,

a great man who I love.

Retired educator, retired educator, very million times smarter than I could ever hope to be.

Not to mention his son.

Son is kind of a dumbass.

They were like, You you did the Mount Clout more and you didn't include wise dad.

That was going to be my pick, and I just fucking forgot to do it.

I fucking forgot.

So there you have it.

I meant to have your dad on my Mount Cloudmore.

I think it was important that we pointed it out.

Sorry.

By the way, this whole tray has got to go.

The chicken nuggets tray?

What the fuck is this?

You got the shitty, the fruit salad looks like shit.

Celery sticks?

Celery is crazy.

I don't know what you're dipping those celery sticks in.

But I used to like.

Is that ketchup behind it?

It looks like ketchup is supposed to be your dipping sauce, which is not going to be my first pick for chicken nuggets, but sometimes you got to work with what they give you.

I tossed out a burger on that plate with a little chocolate milk.

I will say, I used to like that sort of fruit cocktail.

That used to be something I was into when I was a kid.

But I don't think I'd like it anymore.

Yeah, with the juice or the syrup.

All right, next up.

All right, so you're the guy that kids would give their fruit cocktail to?

Oh, man.

Cafeteria sweets, chocolate chip cookie, chocolate brownie, pudding cup or fruit.

So easy.

I wonder which one's going to go.

The fruit got the go.

The fruit has got to go.

Especially if it's dessert.

I was obsessed with these fruit cups.

I mean, I like those fruit cups too, but come on.

But what is my dessert?

I think I lose the pudding.

Why?

Why?

Because I got chocolate, chocolate.

Give me some fruit to mix it up.

I think it's a good thing.

Here's something crazy.

After that, I maybe would lose the cookie.

Yeah.

Cookie over

the pudding.

Wow.

That's exactly right.

Yes,

that would maybe be the second one.

It's fruit, cookie, pudding, brownie.

Wow.

That is my order.

i gotta have that cookie uh next up cafeteria beverages we got regular milk chocolate milk okay strawberry milk and orange juice this is so again strawberry milk first of all what rich school is this

my strawberry milk and boysenberry and fucking peanut butter and boysenberry sandwich klein peter i've never seen that brand before klein peter strawberry milk um Sun Cup orange juice.

I would say strawberry milk has got to go, but I honestly think just I don't want to drink regular milk at school.

I'm going to get made fun of.

If you have a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, though, that changes everything.

I actually think, so a fun little story about me, the first time I, like, I guess this was first grade, and I got chocolate milk, like...

I smelled the carton before I drank it and threw up.

And that really fucked up chocolate milk for me.

So I would probably get rid of the slimmer.

The stench of the carton itself?

It was like the combination of like the

paper okay of the carton with the chocolate milk really i was like no this is bad in my stomach i had a very weak stomach as a child wow oh that will

stuff yeah that's what for me you know what you mentioned lemon pepper wings earlier and i when i when i went to atlanta i had some great lemon pepper wings but i don't love like a lemon chicken normally and the lemon pepper wings work for me i think it's because of the pepper yeah uh but but i had the same thing where i where i threw up and i and i couldn't deal with it but also i say that you make a good choice because the tray is a carton of chocolate milk and ketchup next to it it looks like well you don't have to use the ketchup that's just part yeah i just pull random photos from the internet

yeah don't get held up on the details of the

i'm just saying there is a very strange tray that's going on there i don't know what's happening I am going, I like, I, look, I love, I love regular milk.

It's kind of crazy how much chocolate milk we were given as kids, as children.

Like, that was something healthy.

I think it probably still happens, I would assume.

But it's, it's like fat-free chocolate milk.

Remember that specifically, which is just like, so it's just got a bunch of extra sugar for flavor.

And they're just like, oh, we're getting kids to drink milk.

Like, I don't think any aspect of this is healthy, but I would drink two chocolate milks with lunch.

I got the adult version of that today with the mocha, the mocha coffee or whatever.

I'm going to say this.

How many times when you were younger did you drink a carton of milk that was like expired?

Because it happened to me so, like, way more than I was going to ask when you said you threw up when you smelled it if there was a chance it was bad.

It wasn't the, it wasn't rancid, like it, it was just like there, there's just something about like wet paper that really fucks me up.

Because, like, what there was one time when I was a kid when I did communion, like at the altar, and like it was one of those like, um, like uh, did you get a soggy wafer?

It was a foam wafer, like, there's

yeah, and like, I they put it on my tongue, and like it dissolved before they gave me my juice.

And I was like, no,

and I threw up on the altar.

Oh, my God.

What happened?

My, so my grandfather.

I think you can't get into heaven.

I think that's what it means.

Don't say that.

I got him.

My grandfather was a pastor, and he was like guest preaching at that church.

And they were so embarrassed.

Like, him and my grandma were so embarrassed.

My grandma just like dragged me by the arm and took me like back into the bathroom.

And I was just like, I didn't, oh, it just didn't taste good.

Jesus' body tasted bad.

Yeah.

It really needs the blood.

It needed the blood.

Yeah, there's like wet paper really.

So I like I learned to drink from cartons from straws.

That is a beep that would happen in an evil child movie.

Yes, yes.

Yeah.

It is.

I mean, wait for makes projectile vomit and chill.

Yeah, it's like a problem child three scene or something.

Well, I wasn't thinking of problem child.

I was thinking more like a horror thing.

I guess it could also be a problem child.

It could happen to a problem child.

There are barf scenes and problems chill.

I thought like Matilda, like she'd get in trouble in the middle or something.

Not to go back to Trump, but he was just very recently worried about getting into heaven.

Yes, his line about being like, I think this might actually get me into heaven, which is such an insane thing.

It's probably because his hand is dying that he's thinking about this.

Adjust his hands now.

I think the strawberry milk's got to go.

I think that that would be my one I would actually say.

I would say mine is either regular milk or strawberry milk, depending on if I had a PB and J.

Yeah, but that orange juice is staying.

The orange juice has got to stay.

Honestly, maybe the orange juice I would drink first of all these options.

Wow.

It's funny that they're all milk except for one.

Orange juice is my favorite beverage.

Your favorite, yeah.

Period.

I love orange juice.

Like fresh, this is not obviously not fresh squeeze orange juice, but fresh squeeze orange juice.

I love it.

You got to try Hurricane Mitch, a classic that I created, which is orange juice in Captain Morgan.

Oh, that does sound fun.

It's not simple.

It's a very simple drink.

It was good.

I was good.

That was what I used to drink back in the day.

I like it.

Next up, vending machine snacks.

We got rice krispy treats, mini bag of Doritos, mini bag of Cheez-Its, and Pop-Tart.

Amelia, you fucked up here with just one choice because the Pop-Tarts have got to go.

Yeah.

But then after that, it is like maybe the hardest choice of my entire life.

The Pop-Tarts have got to go.

You said that so nonchalantly.

No, I remember.

You say that these are so easy, but the last, for the beverage one, you guys spent five minutes discussing which is my answer.

Yeah, I had my answer.

I need a mini bag of Cheez-It today, so the Cheez-It could stay in.

I can say that.

I think I have an unpopular third.

So I think Pop-Tarts are going because

if I'm going to eat a Pop-Tart, I need the,

I'm getting it from a box that I buy.

But I think Doritos are going.

Wow.

Yeah.

Wow.

Because I don't want my breath to stink in school.

Oh, I can see that.

In that context, that makes sense.

Yeah.

Even Even elementary you,

elementary you cares about that.

Elementary school kids are mean.

That's true.

That's a great point.

I always got stuff for like people said I had stuff on my lip forever.

Like I was like one of those kind of kids who like was like a little sloppy and went over to adulthood too.

But and they would make fun of me for that, but I feel like breath stuff didn't.

Yeah.

Like breath.

I don't know.

I can't, I don't remember being a child.

Pop-tarts, I never was.

You should talk about that apart.

I like Pop-Tarts enough where I would keep those over rice krispie treats.

I actually don't like packaged rice krispie treats that much.

That's insane to me.

Yeah.

I just, I like I.

Package rice krispie treats are a great school snack.

I think you're out of your mind.

I like them if they're like made like a confection, but I, but like, like the pre-packaged ones, I'm just not as into.

Let me tell you where this would be.

Can I tell you a scenario where this would be much harder for me?

Yeah.

Bag of goldfish where the Pop-Tarts are.

I had goldfish at first and I switched them because I wanted too savory, too sweet.

Yeah.

The goldfish would be fucking hard as hell.

I don't know what I would, I don't know what I would do.

I think the Doritos and Cheez-Its are maybe just safe no matter what for me.

And then, and then goldfish.

I don't know.

Goldfish versus Rice Krispie Christ is really hard for me.

Next up, healthy snakes.

I choose to kill myself instead of ants.

We got ants on a log,

ants on a log, carrots and ranch, apple slices, and trail mix.

I have a crazy answer for this one.

Yeah, go for it.

I think this is easy for me, but go ahead.

I think this answer might be crazy, crazy, and I don't know if you guys will agree, but I'm getting rid of the trail mix.

Yeah, that's crazy.

I think I'm keeping the trail mix.

I think for me, it's the ants on a law.

It's the ants on the law.

Oh, really?

Yeah, even though I like a little celery crunch and I like the peanut butter, I don't need them raisins on there.

Celery is on the side.

That's what I'm being.

Oh, the raisins.

I just don't need that.

And like, I'm just so attracted to the peanut butter.

But if you swap the raisins for

little MMs.

Yeah, but I think that's different than what's depicted.

But yes, in that case, it might be a a little bit different.

But of course, it's different than what's depicted.

She said, what if it is

what if you did?

I think I'd still get rid of the ants in a log.

Yeah.

Celery pisses me off.

Celery sucks.

I think it is just a waste of calories.

There's just no calories in it.

You burn more calories eating celery than you do.

That's part of its asset, though.

I don't think it is.

It's gross.

I like celery.

And in fact, if we're talking about them carrot sticks and ranch, I'd rather have celery sticks and ranch and if we're talking about it at a you know we're getting them with wings i like having some some carrot sticks but i like having some celery sticks as well i'm a celery enthusiast i celery is celery is what you're a celery enthusiast yeah i like celery stringy water you like water that's stringy

i love celery yeah i like celery i still will put peanut butter on celery now as an adult so i like peanut butter and celery because you're eating peanut butter basically but if you want to like put peanut butter on anything put it on apples you know what?

This pissed me off enough that I'm now eliminating celery.

I'm eliminating ants on a log.

Wow.

Child me would have been disgusted by Trail Mix.

As an adult, I don't mind it, but as a kid, no chance I was eating.

Those apples are look.

The apples just look fucking.

They look incredible.

Amelia.

Perfect image.

Wherever you caught this one, this is fantastic.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Next one.

A single item must be banished.

Drinks.

Capri Sun, Snapple.

Amelia.

God damn it.

What did I do?

I did this on purpose.

Let me read them off for audio listeners.

Capri Sun, Snapple, Yoohoo, and Water Fountain.

Water Fountain.

Yeah, the bubbler.

Look, there's been times where I've been so thirsty and drinking ice-cold water out of the water fountain is next level.

But come on, come on.

I knew it would make you mad.

That's why I put it like that.

Well, mission accomplished.

You fucking made me pissed off.

And also, like a Coca-Cola or something.

Like, there is, there's other.

Did you have Coca-Cola in your school?

I think that there was soda in our school.

We had fruit topia.

That was the like closest thing to soda we had.

This was this was a Bill Clinton era initiative.

He banned sodas in school.

And so they, yeah, they had some sweet drinks, which they probably shouldn't have any of those.

They probably should be all sugar fruits.

I bet now.

So worst thing he ever did.

You said you talking about like drinking from the water fountain.

I don't like Yoohoo because it's a drink.

It's chocolate drink.

I know.

It's not milk.

I think Yoohoo is pretty gross.

I think Yoohoo actually.

This is actually, this is actually,

I think, you who goes because, like, you talking about like coming in from a hot day and you're just like

drinking from a fucking water fountain like a psychopath is, it's like, yeah, there's nothing feels like that anymore.

That is true.

And then also, when you, when you know, here's, here's what would really, it's really good: you're at that water fountain, you're, you turn it, you push the button, and you're drinking from it, and you're like,

and then you hear like,

and that means it's like cooling water.

And you're like,

oh

and you feel you just it's ice cold going into your mouth

uh yoohoo's an easy banish for me as well i i think that one's the actually gonna make me sick of the of these options i also like water fountain i'm not just keeping i think it's my number one whoa i like i i like snapple i like capri i like snapple as a kid i like capri sun as a kid um i'll still have a snapple now and again but like you know what you've won me over if that was a quick box instead of a yoohoo i'd be i'd be on board but but the thing is,

like, you just got to fucking hydrate.

And, and, like, that's the one that's like, like, I don't know.

That's what I want the most is just water.

I just want my thirst quenched.

I just, like, you put Grape Aid Snapple up there.

Grape Aid Snapple is so fucking good.

That is a version where it's still in glass bottles.

Yeah, I use the glass bottle photo for the nostalgia factor.

And same with the Capri Sun pouches.

Those are banned too.

Do they not have glass bottle snapples anymore?

Glass bottle is all plastic now.

It's all plastic.

Why did you move to plastic?

What the fuck?

The answer is because it's cheaper, but it sucks.

Capri Sun is now,

they're no longer in the pouches.

They're in the plastic bottles.

Yeah, they have boxes now, so they've lost that part of the past.

That's the whole appeal of

Capri Sun.

And then you blow it up at the end, and you're like, look, I still have a drink.

If you had Honey to light up there with that,

I have Honey D and I've switched.

When I was younger,

Emma, Emma, we would blow up the Capri sun pouches and then pop them and make a big gun-like noise, which now I'm sure is not appreciated.

Yeah,

maybe that is.

It could be a good reason to get rid of the pouches.

Single-use plastic pisses me off so much.

It just makes everything worse, and it's so fucking bad for the environment.

It's horrible.

But it's cheaper.

Next up, subjects.

Math,

science, English, and recess.

Who the fuck would get rid of recess?

Who's getting rid of recess?

I know it's a stretch to call recess a subject.

My favorite subject was recess.

Also, I will say, I don't think, I mean, I guess you're thinking in elementary school where just like

you're certainly not doing, you're not learning about mitochondria, algebra, or reading the great Gatsby in elementary school when you're also going on a jungle gym.

So I'm not sure if any of these images coexist with the concept of recess.

Think study hall or

off-period.

Yeah,

lunch, where you could.

We're about social studies or history.

I mean, yeah, you could do that too.

Least favorite subject here, I guess.

Yeah, you could do that too.

I don't know.

I like all these.

This is tough.

I guess I'd get rid of recess.

You get rid of recess?

I want to learn these other things.

Yeah, but you're having fun with your friends.

You're learning social skills.

I think you should go to recess.

Maybe you're having fun with your friends.

You're in the corner popping Capri sunbags.

I mean, that jungle gym also looks really fun.

It does look fun.

Here's the issue for me.

I was decent at math, so I like liked doing it because I was just...

Can I get rid of gym?

I did get rid of, I did get rid of gym.

I would always skip gym.

That's like everyone in my school would skip gym, which was like, you would just walk, you know what I mean?

You would skip gym or you'd leave school, basically, which you weren't supposed to, but you'd leave school for the day.

Science.

I love like biology is fun, but then when you get into like some chemistry stuff, I don't.

Like, that's where I check out on science.

I like the animal side of science, my girl, girl, my Jemmy girl.

And then at one point with science, I like when you're doing the periodic table of elements, that shit sucks.

Oh, I like learning the periodic table.

I liked it.

Yeah, I think, I think English might have to go for me.

Wow.

Wow.

Yeah.

Okay, the writer.

The writer.

Wow.

Professional writer saying goodbye to English.

I know.

Yeah, I don't know.

Reading comprehension in school.

Fuck it.

I mean, English class could also be, like, it could be very boring.

And if you didn't read the book, you were in trouble.

It's like the pressure of reading the book where it's like, you put a math problem in front of me.

It's like, yeah, I can do it.

And science, I don't know.

Science is cool.

That's that, that, that, that, that, science is cool and fun in many ways, but when it gets into the boring science, it sucks.

I, my,

uh, and also there's a lot of science I don't believe.

Why exists you know?

I would say the most like the thing I did learn exists.

The thing I learned in English that that that i found that made me that that was a really useful life skill is like not reading the book but being able to bullshit my way through an essay and still get a good grade i was just like okay now now i just know how to fake it i know how to use you know like like that that i found very useful all right finally um school figures a single item must be banished teacher lunch lady custodian or principal oh they're all underpaid yeah

i don't know who we're gonna banish here um

uh yeah you know custodian I mean,

how are you gonna banish a lunch lady with Farley as the lunch lady from Lunch Ladyland?

That's impossible.

The principal is the Stern Daddy stock photo, which we've previously used on the podcast.

Here's the issue.

My sister, currently a principal, my mom, a former English teacher.

And then, so I guess I'll just eliminate one of the two blue-collar worker jobs.

My principal in my high school was like, he ended up like assaulting someone or something.

He was like a bad guy.

So I would eliminate him.

Yeah, I guess of all these, I would probably be principal who's the

management.

My sister, I know your sister is a principal.

Courtney's a good idea.

Courtney's a good principal.

I'm just saying, like, this is a tough choice we have to make to make dudes.

My high school, bye-bye, principal.

Can we eliminate the students?

The most annoying thing of all of it?

Get rid of the kids.

No, I don't like students.

Get rid of the kids.

This is part of my game.

You have to choose one of these.

You know, I'm not banishing that teacher.

Hey, buddy.

My school, I went to a very small private Christian school, graduating class of 30 people.

Wow.

So, like, my principal was also my history teacher from 7th to 12th grade.

Oh, wow.

My like homeroom teacher was my basketball and softball coach.

Wow.

Like a lot, there was like a lot of overlap and we didn't have a janitor.

I think the teachers cleaned this.

Oh my God.

That's crazy.

Like these are all the same people to me.

Wow.

So if I get rid of one, I get rid of all of them.

What a wildly different experience.

I went to a public high school with 4,000 students.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I got to eliminate

the champions.

Live in your filth, you little swine.

He's wearing a mask.

Yeah, I know.

It's a good idea.

That's actually why I was thankless.

That's why I'm eliminating all

the mask.

Just so that was a single item must be banished, just like a restaurant value feedback.

Let's open up the feedback.

And hey, wait, you got all these images from Rule 34, right?

Yes, I did.

We actually have a voicemail to listen to.

Wow.

Hi, Doe, boys.

I'm currently in the Jack-in-the-Box drive-through.

I've been here for 40 minutes now.

I am two cars away from getting my order.

It has been so slow.

So terrible.

Obviously, there's like two people working, and it sucks for them, so like that's fine.

But my question is,

what's the longest you've waited in line for food, whether that's a drive-through or like in an actual physical queue or line, whatever you call it.

I don't know.

And was it worth it?

Anyway,

Spoon Nation for life?

Hell yeah.

Hell yeah.

Thank you.

Wow.

That was the most beautiful thing I've ever witnessed.

This is incredible.

We need to see more stuff.

40 minutes for Jack in the Box is rough.

You're also like at that, this feels like a late-night voicemail, I'm guessing.

Sure.

That sounds like a true member of Smooth Passion there, waiting in a car for 40 minutes for Jack in the Box.

So maybe it's your option.

Yes, obviously a lot of these places are understaffed, sadly.

The only option?

Might be the only option, but also I think there's an element of sunk cost fallacy.

Like you get one of those lines, just like, ooh, it's kind of long.

All right.

Well, and then you're in it for a little bit and you're just like, I'm not going to give up now, right?

So you're just there for too long, for too much of your life is dedicated towards getting this meal.

um

i mean i've certainly waited for 40 minutes for in and out burger but that's a wholly different experience and i also know what i'm getting into uh when i queue up there i'm trying to think of the longest time i've waited in a physical queue or line for food uh certainly had like lengthy dining experience but a long a super long you know what actually i do have i do have a specific one howl and rays which we reviewed on the podcast with kamal uh a few years back the howl and rays used to have a super long line.

Like Howland Rays is a hot chicken place that there's there was just one location in LA that did not deliver for a long time, especially pre-pandemic.

And so I have queued up for, I queued up for two hours at Howland Rays.

And two hours.

Two hours.

Yeah.

They used to have really fucking insanely long lines back when it was super popular.

And let me tell you, worth it.

It's fucking good.

I also will say for the podcast.

For friends.

Yeah, true.

For the podcast.

Oh, we had Howland Rays before PWG, didn't we?

We did, yeah.

Well,

I wasn't there, but I think maybe Carlson got me a sandwich.

Yeah.

See, I didn't, every time I've gone, I haven't had a way.

The longest wait for the podcast at a restaurant that I, or like at a fast food restaurant that I remember, is another chicken place.

Popeye, when Popeye said the chicken sandwich, I remember those cues were like crazy, and we waited over an hour for that one.

Oh, yeah.

But yeah, but that also worth it.

Very good sandwich.

I mean, look, is it ever worth it?

Sometimes, yeah, it just is, but like, because you want the food and you're going to get it no matter what.

But, like,

if you, if you zoom out a little bit, it's not worth it, really.

Sure.

I mean, for me, there's if you're waiting, I, I, like, I'm waiting for more than an hour.

My answer is Del Taco.

That is just the answer is that I've waited the most in Del Taco lines.

We've talked about this before.

That Sunset Boulevard,

which is not far from here, Del Taco.

If you, I used to, and I never go to it anymore.

I go to the one in Atwater if I go anywhere, but

I would wait like 45 to an hour or something in that line, yeah.

I'd just be like, it's 1 a.m.

and I want Del Taco, and I'm just gonna sit here or whatever.

But some of the

few late night options, and but yeah, they're they're generally understaffed, they're gonna get your order wrong, you know.

Yeah, that's what I was gonna say, a lot of the time not working because of that, too.

But you're just like, you gotta eat something, yeah, yeah.

Um, I feel like I don't wait that long, and like I don't like lines, same.

Um, and

if if there is a long line for something, I'm like, I don't deserve it.

But I guess, like, I guess like

late night in Brooklyn, like in Williamsburg, there's a, there's a, uh, like Middle Eastern restaurant called Oasis and they have like incredible falafel sandwiches.

And that's probably the longest I've waited.

It's just like after something lets out and like people are just like out and they're just waiting in line.

And it's probably only been 20 minutes because they're very fast at what they do.

And you're just dumping falafel in a thing and be like, You want this, you want this, you want this?

So it's like it's going, but like 20 minutes, yeah.

20 minutes is that to me, I'm like, That's fine.

Yeah, I'll do, I'll do 20 minutes any day.

The fast food stuff is like the different stories.

Cause if it was like, hey, the way to McDonald's is an hour.

It's like you get yourself into the situations and then, like you said, some cost fallacy or whatever.

It's like, okay, I have been at this Del Taco for 30 minutes.

I'm gonna get I'm gonna get my meal and I'm like two people away or whatever.

Yeah, but when it comes to restaurants, I think for me, like the limit is an hour and then I don't want to wait anymore.

Unless it's that sort of thing of like, we'll come back and then you come back or whatever.

But yeah, if you put your name, if you put your name in, they'll be like, it's going to be an hour wait.

At a Hillstone, it's not a, it's not an issue because they give you a longer time.

They're very smart about the psychology there, the Hillstone.

They know what they're doing.

They'll generally give you a longer time, a longer window.

So I'm like, they give me an hour.

It's It's like, I'll probably get in there like 40 minutes.

Like, that's fine.

But, but generally, like, I don't want to wait that long.

I'll go to a different option.

But I don't know.

It's like, it's so easy to make reservations now that I just, like, I just do it on fucking Open Table or Resi or one of these fucking apps that I'm just like, I, I, I, I'm rarely walking into a restaurant and just hoping I get a table, especially if I know it's been a two where you can like join queues online.

And we discovered that where I live is close enough to the Glendale like dentaifeng that we can get on it from home.

I, you might might be close enough too.

It surprised me that we could do it.

And we did it on Valentine's Day and we joined the queue for two of us at 4 p.m.

and we sat at 8.30.

But they at 4 p.m.

were like, you'll sit at 8.30.

And like to the minute, we sat at 8.30.

Like even four and a half hours ahead of time, they knew exactly how long it was going to take.

And it was crazy.

It was like there are 360 parties ahead of you in line.

And we were like, no chance we get.

in tonight and we did it was crazy and it was fun you were just watching it I did it from my couch and then we were like I guess we should leave now.

And like,

it was, it was awesome.

It's based on mileage, you have to be like within a certain distance from the restaurant.

So, every time I learn, they deliver, they do, so yeah, and to me, which is you know,

dangerous, yeah, yeah, yeah, I didn't think I was close enough, but

well, thank you for doxing all of us, Emma.

Yeah, we all live on the east side of Los Angeles.

I, uh, I think I'm the worst version of myself in a line.

I don't like like

a hot line.

Oh, God.

Hotline.

I think also like just the fact that I'm impatient, so I don't like to wait in a line.

Especially for food.

Sure.

Especially for food, but I also am like so like

I have such a thing of like, I don't like people cutting in line.

And like, so I'm like, I get a little too much into like hawk mode where I'm like, what does this guy do?

Oh, I'm ready.

Where did they come from?

I'm ready to fight if someone gets in a line.

Yeah, and I like, so I don't like, that's what I'm going to avoid the lines.

if that's how i am when i'm in line i don't gotta stay in the line cutting is basing is is breaking the social compact you just cannot fucking do it yeah what are we doing then there's people who are just dumb and and they get confused there's like so much but that's like that that you can be like oh actually the line starts over here that's usually

but then there's some dung guy who's like well i've been here for 45 minutes and then you're like well fuck well they you get like that that this is the issue that line the lines suck i i like a well-managed line you know we're talking about la restaurants tito's tacos the only thing better than tito's tacos too uh they have like a really well-managed queue.

And that can like, that's another place you could end up waiting 45 minutes just standing in line there.

But it's

that's like, that's a very pleasant line experience.

Yeah.

As long as a place knows what they're doing, as long as it's organized, as long as there's some guideposts, you know what I mean?

But if it's just like a zoo, it's just like, where are we supposed to be standing?

Are you in line?

Is this, does the line start here?

It's snaking the wrong direction.

Sometimes they'll tell you to like, actually, we get, guys, we're going to need the line to move this way.

And they'll like have to switch, snake the whole line over the other side of the restaurant.

I'm just like, just, just, just fucking fucking

just let us know what we're supposed to be doing here.

Birthday boy shout out.

Lines of the problems in America.

Lines are the problem in America, Wages.

This is an old sketch I did.

Wow.

That Jack Black came and sang to Wager and I in the Comedy Central when we went in to meet for the Doughboy show.

Jack Black saw Wigger and I and came up singing the problems in America to Wages and I.

Very excited.

And then Wages left to go fill his meter.

I don't want to take it.

If you have a question or comment about the world of chain restaurants, you can email us at feedback at birdfuck.com or leave us a voicemail at 830 godo.

It's 830-463-6844.

Our producers, Emma Erdbrink, our society producers, Amelia Marino, our video editor is Mike Dorfman.

Doughboys apparel and merchandise is available in partnership with kinshipgoods at kinshipgoods.com/slash Doughboys.

And you can get the Doughboys double or weekly bonus episode, plus our entire pre-2018 back catalog at patreon.com/slash Doughboys.

Crinwells, what a delight.

Thanks so much.

Please come back.

I can't, yes.

I'd love to.

Anything you would like to plug?

No.

No, I don't think so.

I mean, if you're in LA, come to ASCAT, come to UCB in general.

You might see us there.

Yeah, you might see us there.

Great thing to do if you're visiting in LA.

A lot of your favorite podcast hosts and guests, you'll see just appearing on stage.

That's right.

There you go.

Come on down.

And hey, welcome to the main feed.

That'll do it for this episode of Dough Boy.

Till next time for the Smooth My Mike Mitchell.

I'm Tiger Why.

You're happy eating.

See ya.

Bye.

That was a Hitgum podcast.