Alfred Coffee with Sean Clements and Hayes Davenport

This is a head gun podcast.

Want to watch this episode?

Check it out on our YouTube channel by going to youtube.com/slash doughboys media.

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I agree, Wag.

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Opa.

On April 5th, 1987, the Fox Broadcasting Company premiered its first-ever prime time lineup, dysfunctional family sitcom Married with Children and personality-driven sketch review The Tracy Ullman Show.

The latter would spawn the still-airing The Simpsons, the animated series that would fully entrench the so-called Fourth Network as an American institution and become an institution itself.

In fall of 1990, now the network TV it girl for younger viewers, Fox found its first dramatic series hit with Beverly Hills 90210, a teens played by 20-something soap opera that turned a zip code into a tourist destination.

And by July of 1992, Fox had coaxed 90210 creator Darren Starr, who'd later go on to create Sex in the City, into making a spin-off.

Called Melrose Place, the cast and crew figured out on the go that the secret of success was to lean into the soap, making a gloriously trashy series awash in sex and murder.

While the show's peak of cultural relevance was short-lived, it lingered in the collective consciousness and succeeded in making the West Hollywood Street of Melrose a globally known shorthand for glamour.

And so it was Melrose Place where, in January of 2013, Josh Zad, notably not Josh Gadd, opened a high-end coffee shop appealing to similarly cool and moneyed Angelinos.

In keeping with its LA-born identity, in 2019, the company weighed into the Lakers-Clippers intra-city feud with a publicity stunt banning new Clippers Kawhi Leonard and Paul George from its stores.

Today, with two dozen locations across California, as well as in Austin and Kuwait, this unashamedly upper-class brand owns a registered trademark on the memed phrase, but first, coffee.

But second, how does it taste?

This week on Doughboys, Alfred Coffee.

Welcome to Dough Boys, the podcast about chain restaurants.

I'm Tiger Weiger, along with my co-host, Ariaster's Doe is Afraid.

The spoon man, Mike Mitchell.

Doe is afraid.

I didn't see Bo is Afraid.

Did you see it?

I did.

I like the first 35 minutes of it when Bo is afraid, when Bo is mostly afraid.

And then, and then he gets,

I mean, he is afraid the whole thing.

Bo got too brave for you.

And I don't want to talk too early.

I know there's a big chunk of your fan base that doesn't want to hear from me at all.

But

I remember you saying you couldn't relate to Bo anymore once he grew the slightest

fraction of a spine in the film.

And you said, oh, I don't get it anymore.

Like this character.

I used to know who this guy was.

He was me.

He confronts a penis monster at one point in the movie.

There's a lot that goes on.

You know what?

I enjoy every attempt that

Ariaster makes.

I really liked Eddington.

I haven't seen Eddington yet.

I got to watch this.

Yeah.

I really, really enjoyed it.

There's a lot.

People are divisive on it.

Like Addington's brother?

Joking around.

He likes preserves instead of marmalade.

Okay, pretty freaky, but that's the twisted mind of our aster.

You talked about a penis monster.

He's got a penis monster of his own in Eddington.

He'll show us a big fucking hog.

I heard that there's a big hog in Eddington.

Yeah, yeah.

Who's whipping it out there?

Joaquin?

Joaquin himself, yeah.

Oh, okay.

Yeah.

All right.

Well, geez, man.

I don't listen that often.

The last episode I listened to.

The Papa John's one.

Yeah.

Was also the first 15 minutes were about a movie you had just seen that has a big hog in it.

What movie was that?

20.

You don't know which one

about it.

A guy with a big hog.

Yeah, yeah.

I'm sorry to talk before I'm supposed to.

I actually have a much scarier version of it in my head than Sean does, which is not that your audience doesn't want to hear from me, it's that they have forgotten about me entirely.

Because this show that occupies such a huge part of my own mental landscape and that of our show

is not deliberately keeping us off of it.

It's just out of sheer indifference.

Yeah, that's right.

The opposite of love is not hate.

It's indifference.

And we've been experiencing that.

We love our boys.

It's been too long.

It's been far too long.

Yeah, I'm like, I was like driving here being like, oh, I've like

had and raised like another child since I was here before.

Like, it's like, I'm like in a whole other phase of my life.

Like, it's just been time is crazy in that way.

And we're right next to you.

Like, we see you multiple times a week.

We see you a lot.

Yeah.

And just to catch up on sort of the lore of it all, we did a live show with you guys where you announced on stage that we were going to be on this show within the calendar year.

Yes.

Yes.

Which let us know that you had been withholding it in a way that I.

That was pre-COVID or something.

It was.

It was the PCAST blast.

It was June of 2024.

So we didn't quite make the calendar year.

It is now

September of the following year.

Oh, I thought it was pre-Mitch getting COVID is what I meant.

Right.

Which is how we got canceled on last time.

And it was like, got to get you back on.

And then another eight months when you got it.

Which I did get COVID.

It was a bad case of it.

And I got long COVID from that COVID, I believe, is what happened.

I think.

That's what happened.

Doe was afraid because of all the mom stuff.

Daniel from SLC, roasted girl.

That makes sense.

Mitch, you and I saw Jimmy Angel.

We did.

Which I've never seen.

The 90-year-old teen idol over at the Smokehouse in Burbank, our friend of the show, our Mufo, Mike Carlson, took us over there.

Yes, this 90-year-old guy who plays music.

You knocked over a cane, and then I did knock over a woman's cane.

I retrieved it.

You knocked over a woman's cane, and then a guy at the other table tried to give it to me and Gabris, thinking we needed the cane.

You guys are having the two motorcycles, right?

Did you enjoy Jimmy Angel?

It was fun to see you.

Oh, wow.

Gabris and I joined.

Maddie Smith was there.

I was a little bit more.

Yeah, past guest Maddie Smith.

Mike Carlson.

It was a fun night.

It was a fun atmosphere.

This guy is like, he does have a legitimately

wonderful voice for a man who's in his 10th decade.

106-year-old World War II.

102 veteran

veteran was there.

A lot of seniors.

I remember I said thank you for your service, sir.

I went up to him and I told him that.

And

I don't think he understood me.

So I left.

But he was dancing at one point.

And he was with it.

It's an older crowd, but they're very active, Wags.

Maybe they'd have fun.

I'll have to take your word for it.

I'd be donking for some kind of affirmation about it for most.

Sure.

Just like confirmation that we heard.

And like, I did, I heard it for sure.

I'm getting a lot of check-ins on this event that I, you know, everyone's looking at me.

I'm just learning about now.

I think I nervously looked at you.

I'm a little nervous having you guys back.

We haven't had you on for a while.

Sometimes you give us a hard time, and I get scared.

I beat Donkey Kong.

You eat Donkey Kong bonanza.

What was your run, like your playthrough time?

Oh, I haven't checked that.

It's a beefy game.

It's a beefy game.

Kind of the Leon the professional of video games in a way.

What do you say?

In what way?

With a 12-year-old girl?

I don't play it.

Not for me.

Because Pauline is, I think, canonically 12 or 13 in the game.

Yes, with Donkey Kong.

It's very strange.

The game is weird.

It's a weird game.

I guess so.

There's nothing at all.

Like, it's come on.

There's nothing untoward between the Donkey Kong-Pauline relationship.

I don't think so either.

I was just saying that that's.

You think there is with Leon the Professional?

No, I don't think there is.

There's your read on that movie that they're like, that's romantic.

No, not at all.

No, but I'm just like, I'm like, I think it's a good thing.

I think you're bringing it with me to it.

Yeah.

then it is the professional

i think

probably

you know obviously behind the scenes right the architect of that film is problematic yes and maybe maybe wager's bringing that to it that's why i think it kind of has that reputation yes right yeah that's right people think of it as the movie's inappropriate right movie's actually nice

You know what I mean?

But the people who made, this is about separating the art from the artist, which is what I ask everyone to do with your podcast as well.

You don't have to separate it for us.

We don't have to separate it.

It might help if they did.

You don't have to separate it with them.

Don't have to, but

you want to be able to enjoy it in public.

The boys are back, Wages.

We got the boys back.

That's right.

The Hollywood Handbook boys.

Yes, indeed.

The Great Shrimp Off was a classic podcast episode.

Oh, I think about it so much.

I've listened to it.

I've got it.

Sometimes I'll listen to it too.

This was a nice night of my my life.

Speaking of Jimmy Angel, remember Angel?

Angel?

Her name was funny.

I forgot about Angel.

She thought that 69 was funny.

Yeah, she did.

That's right.

Those were the days.

Well, it was just a different time, wasn't it?

It really was.

When you could make a 69 joke to your server at Red Lobster,

you wouldn't have any worry about the townspeople getting their pitchforks out.

She tells me about it.

And by the way, that Red Lobster now closed, I believe.

Is it?

I think so.

That's a bummer.

It was a Canoga Park Park or Park.

Oh, wait, no, it's open.

Never mind.

Retracted.

I'm sorry.

Well, I think that one is open.

Gosh, now you got me thinking about them Cheddar Bay biscuits.

Mama, they're like crack mitts.

I'm addicted to them.

I couldn't get enough.

I mean, they are like crack.

They sent us a lot of.

I put in those.

I think it's just, they sent us the, they sent us a package.

They sent us a nice bundle when we finished off Rock Lobster.

Me and Weiger, not you guys.

Sorry.

Yeah, they sent us a, but it included

the at-home baking mix for the Cheddar Bay biscuits, but it didn't actually make it.

That's interesting to only sent it to it.

Sent it to the losers.

Oh, I agree.

That would have set a precedent for RevShare

in the show and stuff like that.

And like, no, we can't have that.

We should have shared it with you guys, but it was in the early days where getting something from a podcast seemed, you know, it seemed kind of special and I didn't want to share.

Right.

It was just early days.

might be the last thing I ever received yeah no you can't do that you can give you some goodles if you'd like them yeah people love goodles that's a goodles ads goodles no no no that the we the portmanteau is because I thought because noodles good noodles would be goodles the portmanteau is apparently because I eat them

yeah I eat them I'm eating them too we're running an ad for them I eat them yeah they're noodles they're a different kind of uh base material they're made out of yeah and they have like are they're high in protein yes yeah yeah there's a lot of investors that invest in it We're running an ad for them.

No one's mad about it.

Yes.

Yes.

Yeah.

Everyone's happy about that.

Well, I think that's what's so nice about, you know, the podcast fan base.

And you guys have experienced, obviously, all sides of it where they do kind of give you a lot of, a pretty long leash.

A lot of leeway.

Sponsorship for sure.

Or what kind of guests you have.

And sometimes you have no idea what any of these places are.

Or what they are.

Yeah, you don't necessarily dig into all, you know, like what, where the money came from to even start the company or anything.

Here's some free product.

Here's some ad copy.

You know, it's like, okay, yeah, sure.

Yeah.

You know, and I didn't, you know,

you're thinking, I want to use the studio.

The ads kind of pay for the studio space, et cetera.

And you're thinking, well, it's nice to do the podcast in a studio

together in person, which the fans prefer.

We've tried doing it on Zoom.

People were mad about that.

And you're thinking, they'll like this.

But then

the old Zoom days.

Oh, God.

Now you're taking me back even further.

We got a lot of guests we probably wouldn't have gotten on with Zoom.

I think that is a fun.

Yeah, and again, no one was mad about any of those guests.

Yeah, so you get, you know, you get the certain guests and you think, oh, okay, like, this is a whatever big opportunity.

This is a coup.

With you guys, I think the fan base just likes to just push the button every once in a while just to make sure it still works.

Yeah.

You know what I mean?

So we're like we're still, we get stressed out whenever you push the button.

We just make you give $10,000 to somebody.

Like, you know, like just to.

It is a good.

I've talked to a friend who actually points to that entire incident as like

the peak symbol of like the sort of like COVID madness that took hold

of the entire nation where it was like, I've got to be able to affect something somehow.

It's in Eddington.

It feels Eddington.

It feels like a Pedro Pascal's character.

What is the podcast called?

Is it not directly Doughboys or is it some sort of food podcast that he caught that he

need to see Eddington?

I haven't seen it yet.

It got taken out of theater far too fast.

I know.

That was my experience too.

I was like, oh, I'll go see that today.

And then I was like, no, I won't.

I've got to drive.

In Hollywood now,

they're pushing things onto the streaming services very quickly.

I know.

I know.

You get just a little sample.

It's just promotional, really, to put it in the theater.

Yeah,

it's just an ad for the streaming service.

Very sad.

Wow, that really did make you sad.

Yeah.

Well, Mitch is going through.

I know you have a little bit of.

Are you doing all right?

We love the movies.

Oh, I started crying.

You have a little bit of business I know we have to get to before I formally get it with the drop.

Yeah.

Hello, you gotta help me.

This monster's after me.

He's terrifying.

Please.

Who?

Who is he?

My best friend.

What's going on?

Hey, buddy.

Pancake.

So, how'd I do?

Mitch, that was great.

Hey, Mitch.

Congrats on Twisty Mental, or whatever it's called.

Cheers.

Drop King.

Drop King.

Wow, DK put the whip that one up.

Drop King Drop.

DK original.

Yeah.

That's from Twisted Metal, the first episode of Twisted Metal.

That's right.

Spoiler alert if you haven't.

Speaking of the good streamer, Peacock, which I like.

He was working with us for a while.

Drop King.

Yes.

With a promise that he could get us on this show, which

unable to make that happen.

I think that you have to be back within the 2026 calendar year now.

I think that, I mean, look, Wives doesn't like food challenges anymore.

No,

but you're right.

The food challenge is.

They ate like six shrimp in the last

show.

That is the way that doesn't like the food challenge.

It was the winner.

I do like them.

But you decide.

We're not binging for content anymore, but it has been an oversight to not get our guests back on the show more

frequently.

And this is a thing we need to fix moving forward.

I don't even care.

And we're happy to have them today.

You're the ones who really care about it.

From the Hollywood Handbook and the Flagrant One, Sean Clements and Hayes Davenport are back.

Thanks for having us.

Hey, thanks for having us.

It is really good to be sitting with my buddies again.

God, we had an active text thread for a while.

We really

disappeared.

We had a great active text thread.

I was trying to keep, you know, I still will text it occasionally.

We brought it back for a little while, and I don't want to call anyone in particular, but there were, like, wiger did not did not want to participate he didn't with that yeah look i have the man has a lot of text threads that no i i just this i will just interrogate i i have a when

i have a i i have social anxiety and i have problems when like when things start to get when a relationship starts to get a little bit closer i tend to retreat and that's a failing of mine that i'm trying to work on so that is part of it but um you turtle up yeah i tend to i tend to turtle up when it's just like hey like hey we're with that it was high it feels like an obligation it feels like a social obligation it It feels like a social obligation, but then it also like makes me very anxious to even like look at it.

You know what I mean?

But, but I, I will take the, yes, I will take the heat for not engaging.

Um, and also, like, part of why when I think that text thread dissipated was during lockdown, and I was like going fucking crazy.

And I'll take the heat for that as well.

Um, but it's.

But hey, we did, we had a bit of a Celtics text thread that had a bit of a

basketball season starting up again.

Baseball season is starting.

I could see us talk about that.

Yes, the world, it's us against the world.

And when it comes to sporting events, I love it.

Like, yeah.

Patriots got to be decent.

We got to stick together.

I'm trying to get Wags.

Wags is maybe going to come Raider Nation.

I was thinking of Wags.

So we went to a restaurant in Boston.

I like that for you.

We went to Legal Seafood.

And I told this story on the podcast when we did that episode live in Boston, but

the waiter was also from L.

I can hear it.

Long look out here.

Great.

The waiter was also from LA.

It was on the Patreon.

It's in my queue.

The waiter was also from, like, I was the first one there.

The waiter was also from LA, so we were chopping it up a little bit.

Again, this is the sort of thing I'm comfortable with talking to a stranger.

That's the level of engagement I can handle.

So I'm talking to this guy.

He

like we're both from LA.

And he's like, he's like, oh, you're a Raider fan?

And I'm like, oh, not really.

He's like, all right, Raider Nation.

And then walks away.

And then for the rest of the meal, he calls me Raider Nation.

Pretty good.

he, so he.

And so I was like, maybe I could just, maybe just work myself into a be a Raider fan.

That's interesting if that's like a code that if you're a true member of Raider Nation, when people ask you if you're a Raider fan, you go, not really.

Yeah.

You can't not really like something unless you truly love it.

Yeah.

I could see you with a skull mask expressionless at a Raiders game and cheering them on.

I think that you would, I think you would, I think you'd have a blast.

Pussiest Raiders fan of all time.

I think you're a Chargers fan, personally.

And I would go with you on that.

I've been looking for?

Doesn't that sound fun?

There's a little bit of a Rams.

Chargers over Rams?

Like, they're both kind of like on the same footing this season, so you wouldn't be front-running.

A couple years ago, when the Rams won the Super Bowl, then I think it was a little corny to be like, now I'm a Rams fan.

Right.

Sure, yeah.

Chargers have always kind of been.

They're both in the playoffs last year, but I think Chargers are a little more interesting interesting right now i was a rams fan as a boy i liked henry ellard and flipper anderson the wide receivers uh and then they they moved and then i just didn't have a team and then eventually stopped following the nfl entirely uh but

i uh so i thought about like oh do i get back in the rams the chargers thing is tough because they were in san diego my brother lives in san diego and the san diegans are a little bit like like other what the why the fucking chargers leave you know what i mean so i think that that that that negative association you have that like men's rights law office that you see when you're first pulling out of san diego

He is an alpha.

He is an alpha brother Nate.

No, he does not have a

men's rights legal practice.

Works in the tech industry.

Not too bad.

Yeah.

The Chargers need fans is really the truth.

It's true.

They need home fans in L.A.

Yeah.

And I'd like to support someone like that.

That's, you know, my weakness.

That's right.

Is an underdog, someone vulnerable someone who really needs me right I see the chargers I think I can fix them

right have you have y'all been out to Intuit yet?

I have not gotten out there.

Oh, yes, yes What's that's the experience?

That was fun

Yeah, it was fun in fact Wow gearing up for the season the Clippers released a series of like hype photos that were like, hey, this is the kind of energy we're bringing into you know next year.

And what is

Hayes is very prominently featured i'm right behind him you can't tell it's me but which i'm grateful for because i was wearing our merch i was wearing that green hat pattern and so was i mean if you had seen sean you would have seen him wearing the same hat yes wow so it would have looked like we were from a special school of some kind

but yeah it was like someone like university someone's on the like uh like like laid out i'm like willing i think it's batum head like has like fallen on the ground or something after hitting hitting a shot.

He was like a four-point player or something.

Yeah, it was sick.

It was a huge game.

I went to I got courtside seats from Jim Brooks for a game.

Wow.

And I said on Jim Brooks' courtside seats.

You say Jim Brooks, James L.

Brooks.

Yeah, sorry.

Yeah, yeah.

His friends call him Jimmy.

Jim Brooks.

They fell all the way down to me from the Simpsons.

They fell all the way down to the PA.

So I took Josh Weiner.

This was when you were working at The Simpsons.

As guest Josh Weiner.

Took Josh Weiner to the game and it was like a buzzer beater.

It was a great game.

It was a, I think it was a buzzer beater.

Wow.

Look, they get, our listeners sometimes get mad when we talk about sports for too long.

So we'll get to the SNL hirings and everything like that.

We got to cover it, man.

Do you remember back in the 80s, if you were a dropout, as your parents were as nightmare?

Now,

every kid wants to be a dropout.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

What do you want to be when you grow up?

A dropout?

And then from my generation, you're going, huh?

But a little bit younger, you're going, like, yeah, you wish that's a big goal to have.

That's a big goal to have.

Thank you.

No, I know.

No, those guys, I mean,

they are raking it in hand over fist over a dropout, making money and making us laugh.

That's true.

If you're on dropout, are you a, like, is that like, I'm a dropout?

Is that a thing people say?

It's good.

I guess maybe it should be.

We could start it right now, you know?

We just, I mean, the irony is we got to get one of these dropout guys to pick it up and then it'll catch like wildfire because they got a lot of influence.

Yeah,

we're friends with the dropout.

There's dropout crossover.

Oh, my God, of course.

I'll say, like.

I don't think Amir likes us talking about this

in his house.

Well, because of the shared college humor connection with Sam Reich.

And yeah,

Reich or Reich?

Reich seems crazy,

but I don't know.

I have no idea.

Robert Reich Reich

is the labor secretary.

So

I think Sam Reich.

I think it's like a damage.

And his thing is that

Amir says that Headgum is actually technically bigger than Dropout.

Oh, interesting.

Robert Reich is his dad?

Yeah, I think so.

Yeah,

because Dropout

barely has any podcasts.

Gee.

It's a real thinker.

I'm stumped.

We'd love to do stuff on that platform.

Oh, my God.

Literally Literally any I would love to see you guys do some stuff on that platform.

Bring me in and hit me with a fucking fungo bat or whatever the fuck they do.

I don't give a shit, man.

Beat my ass, you know.

See what sounds come out of me.

I don't care anymore.

Just anything.

Anything.

We feel you on that.

I think that we are very similarly.

You know, we've done the podcast for 10 years now.

It's true.

And we're kind of, you know, we just don't know what we're doing anymore.

Yeah, I remember hitting 10 years.

You guys are like a long time at the time.

Are you guys older than you guys are

two years older than us?

Yeah, I know it feels like you must have started first, and that's why your show is so much bigger than ours.

Where it's like, oh, we just got in at the right time.

And it's like, no, no, no, we were in.

We were already in a time.

Yeah, it's actually the content of the show that has some impact on whether people listen.

I guessed it on a Hollywood handbook before we had Doughboys.

I remember that.

I was like,

I think it was.

You You were in the teens, I feel like.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Always, always, always a little nerve-wracked before I do Hollywood Handbook, but I always have fun with you guys because you're very supportive.

That's nice to hear you, Sally.

And how can we not support energy like that?

You know, I'd like to make funny.

There's nothing to make funny.

How does everyone feel about the Celtics offseason?

Because it was like, you know,

it was such a bummer.

I was like, I'm like this question.

It was such a bummer.

Obviously, bitch, you and I were together.

We were fucking at Planet Hollywood for content in New York City.

We're watching the Jason Tatum injury on mute.

It's fucking...

The bottom of his shoe.

What happened there?

Yeah, look at that.

Can I see?

Well, it's got some gunk that I stepped in.

Yeah, with feathers attached to it.

The fur's from the rug.

Oh, it's fur.

Okay.

Well,

you stepped on a chore.

Yeah.

It looks like a cow ate a baby duck and then you stepped in the manure.

Yeah.

Like, so there's like fluff and stuff.

But it's

not poo.

Yeah.

But I feel great about it.

Like we, like, like we got

like we got the bad contracts out there.

They got off bad money without getting

great about the thing on your shoe.

I thought that's why the other day

of our Celtics offseason is me scraping my shoe out.

But the concern was that you'd lose Derek Derek White or something, but still get Derek White still getting.

No, Derek White, Jalen Brown, you know, the two players who are very, very good, really don't, you know,

have a huge, whatever, glaring sort of like

decline happening yet.

Where like, you know, Drew obviously was worse.

Porzingis, he'll probably be better this year than he was in the playoffs.

He's got to be.

Though also, I think a long COVID sufferer.

I think that's what they say.

Yeah.

We did.

A long COVID is something in Boston.

Yeah, it's just because he's tall.

I hear that Joaquin Phoenix got a real long COVID, man.

He's slanging that around.

So,

you know, this building is part of the Grouse Beck owner.

We've never actually addressed it.

I've always did that.

Because we didn't know if we could say it.

But you know what?

I don't know why that's not allowed.

It is like

it's a note.

So we share real estate with Danger Bird Records that used to

be in this unit as well.

Yeah.

Which is owned by Wick Grausebeck's brother.

Brother, yes.

Yeah.

And so, like, I think he owns the building and we're headgum rents from him, I guess.

Wick Grausebeck, for non-sportos, the owner of the Celtics until recently sold.

Yeah, just for a second.

I thought that we could, I thought we would be able to maneuver that into some sort of something.

Into something, but it never really happened now.

You really got spoiled by getting courtside seats from Jim Brooks once.

Jim Hell Brooks.

James Hell Brooks.

What's his new movie?

That is one of his IMDb names.

What's his new movie?

How do you know?

No, how do you know was this pretty?

Was like that.

That was like 50 minutes ago.

He does these sentence movies now where it's like, yeah, things you can tell just by looking at her.

And then it's just like, now the new one's like,

what was I about to say again?

He is, I mean, James Brooks is, is he close to 90 at this point?

He's an old man, right?

He's an older gentleman.

But you got to give it up for those older directors.

Woody Allen, just on

the

Bill Maher's podcast.

Yeah, Club Random.

Yeah, we're trying to, we want to get on Club Random at some point.

It's interesting.

I saw a clip of a conversation they were having where

Bill Maher was saying why.

A sense of humor is so sexy to a woman.

And he was sort of explaining to Woody Allen

why it creates this intimacy with women.

And I just think that's...

Well, Bill Maher Mark's double-blessed because he looks great and he's very funny on top of it.

Yeah.

Yeah, he's saying to Woody, and Woody's like, Yeah, well, yeah, you don't even need it, pal.

Look who you're telling.

Because

you think, I mean, he's been a sex symbol for so long, you forget.

He's actually sort of a nerdy-looking guy.

Oh, Woody, yeah, yeah, yeah.

You know, he is definitely nerdy.

There's this movie star charisma we've attached to him now, but just just a just

a photo of him, totally removed from obviously we all have a current photo of him now, you're saying?

You, you, you would, if you didn't know anything, you would think, oh, he's a little bit nerdy.

Kind of nebbish, yeah.

Yeah.

I did go look at the YouTube page for that, for that episode of Club Random today because I was curious how Woody Allen was sitting.

You wanted to recreate it here today?

Well, I just like, like, just how he arranged himself, and it was very unusual.

But then I looked at all the comments, and all the top comments with hundreds and hundreds of upvotes are some variation of, let him fucking talk, Bill.

Yes.

Just Bill, can you let him finish one sentence?

Yeah, I've heard that he's that Bill Maher really took over the conversation.

Not that I wanted to listen to it anyways, but I'm looking, Woody.

I think Woody's going to do Kill Tony next, which I'm excited to check out.

I think that would be pretty cool.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah.

Maybe we'll get him on the pod.

My dear Woody, yeah, that'll go great.

My dear Bill, with all my heartfelt admiration, please listen to this.

Let your guests talk.

Yes.

Woody Allen finally gets the chance to interview Bill Maher.

Love the bit when Bill cuts Woody off and says, that's not relevant.

Bill should simply sit in front of a speaker and interview himself.

Just to be clear, are these your comments?

These are all me, yeah.

Will Bill ever let anyone finish a sentence?

The best was when Chevy Chase got sick of it and asked him, do you realize I'm in the middle of a sentence?

I haven't seen that interview.

A lot of fun.

The movie Ella McKay

is starring Emma Mackey

James L.

Brooks movie.

And it is

called Ella McKay and it's a balloon.

It stars Emma Mackey.

I thought that was interesting, too.

Two EMs.

Yes.

Was he worried?

Was it backwards?

Wait, you know, you're a big South Park fan.

I am.

We recently were talking about how Mr.

We were just putting together that Mr.

Mackey.

Mackey sounds like MK.

Wow.

Mm-K.

Mm-K.

Mr.

Mackey.

Mr.

Speaker for you.

Right.

It was real.

I never thought about that.

Yeah.

Hiding in real life.

That is wild.

They have.

I do like the South Park guys, but I'm not one of those guys.

But I like South Park.

There's a lot of people who are.

You couldn't believe what they were doing with Trump's penis on the show, huh?

I was outraged.

How did he come up with the name Club Random?

I guess is my question.

I think that.

And wasn't it over?

Wasn't there a big announcement that Club Random

They weren't doing it anymore?

Do you not remember this?

I have no memory of this.

The Marin effect.

I think a lot.

We lost a lot of podcasters when Maron decided to hang it up, hang up the headphones.

Which made us laugh.

I think a lot of other podcasters when that happened.

Yeah, I think, I think a lot of...

Why do you think that?

I just, that's the thing.

I think a lot of people.

That was just recent, and I can't think of any other recent podcast.

I think a lot of podcasters thought about hanging it up after Marin was, when he was done.

I mean, we talked about it.

I think there is a moment you have, like, oh, you can end a podcast.

That is an option.

But also, it helps to be Mark Maron, who is a thriving acting and touring stand-up career.

Yes.

Like, you know, not relying on his own.

But he never thought the cat ranch would close down.

He thought it would be open forever.

And here we go.

But he's going on a tear, man.

He's been on a press tour and he is cooking.

He's bigger than ever.

He is.

He is.

He is.

He's cooking.

He's sitting.

In winding it down,

he's winding it up.

You know what I mean?

You guys could have that.

You and I.

I think the Farewell Doughboys tour could actually

launch us into our next.

I saw people sharing this picture of you guys hugging with your like.

And then that was in Boston, probably.

Yeah, because with your 10-year show, and people would be like, I'm really moved by this.

Imagine the kind of juice you get if you ended this entire project.

Is that sad that I can remember?

I mean, I agree.

Look, it sounds like you guys are talking us into ending the podcast, which I think we both disagree.

Christ, man, 10 years.

It's like, what more is there to say?

That's true.

That's not to say you can never do a podcast again.

If Sandler would do McDonald's with us, we would end it.

If Sandler would do McDonald's with us, don't you think we would just end it?

Do you think that would be the final episode?

Yeah, why not?

I don't think you, I think you say that.

I don't think you would like to.

I would like to have money.

I mean, like, that would be a good idea.

Yeah, that's the thing.

I think you would think because I think it would be a big episode, and I think it's hard to probably turn the spigot off after that.

Yeah.

I mean, like, unless you're like, hey, if you're like, hey, this is our end date.

We're committing to ending it regardless.

Let's get the biggest guest we can book.

I think that's the way you can.

If it held the patron, it would be that big.

It's like...

Yeah, it's Adam Sandler talking about McDonald's.

Yeah, but I don't think there would be like...

It's not like him coming out of isolation of never doing an interview.

It would probably be part of a press tour for something else.

How do I resolve this that this guy's eating McDonald's?

Yeah, sure.

He's not.

McDonald's Woody Allen, or do we have to get someone?

Do we need someone bigger?

Is Woody Allen on the McList?

I think he might be on the McList.

We'll talk about it.

The Epstein McList.

There's a lot of overlap.

Do you ever, like, do you, do you ever eat fast food?

Because I know.

Hayes, are you fully plant-based now?

Or you don't eat any meat?

I eat fish.

You eat

You're pescatarian.

You're pescatarian.

What is your meat consumption, Sean?

Oh, I eat meat.

I eat meat a lot.

Yeah.

I'm going to have some ground beef later tonight.

Hell, fun.

What are you doing?

Tacos?

Oh, no.

Just a big pan of ground beef,

a little bit of seasoning on it, and a sweet potato.

That sounds great.

That's dinner twice a day.

That's every night.

Twice a week.

Wow.

That sounds good.

And an arugula salad, little shaped parmesan, some avocado and balsamic dressing.

I like the peppery taste of arugula.

Oh, isn't it nice?

It is very nice.

They were sold out of arugula today at the grocery store.

They now had to go to a second grocery store.

Wow.

Can you tell us the grocery store without doxing yourself?

Well, first I went to the Whole Foods Next to the Grove.

Okay.

No arugula.

I mean, first of all, we want

she wants.

I have a wife.

She wants the organic girl arugula.

That's the best brand.

Sure.

But we'll get the other one if that's sold out.

I mean, I'm telling you, not a speck of the stuff in the store.

Wow.

Like eggs.

Yeah.

And on the way home, I stopped at the

Trader Joe's.

It's got to be that Labor Day rush.

I'm sure a lot of arugula stuff.

Three-day weekend, yeah.

People must have been making a lot of arugula.

So, yeah, that happened.

But the peppery taste, you know, can't beat it.

A lot of people.

Yeah, it's sort of number one green for me.

With a vegetable, you don't have to be a bad girl.

Number one green.

Number one with a bullet, arugula.

Do you mean of all green vegetables?

Or do you mean of like salad green?

Or does it have to be green?

Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Of all the different lettuce.

I'll take it over baby spinach, which I also like.

But

when it comes to green vegetables, what are there outside of lettuces?

I mean, a green.

We got broccoli.

Broccoli, right.

You got asparagus.

Broccoli's good.

You got green beans.

You got snappies.

You got it.

Sounds like there's a lot of.

Yeah, there's a whole sort of bean.

Yeah, there's a whole pod

area of it.

Bok choy's not bad.

The carrot top is green as well.

Well, carrot top.

Yeah, ironically, carrot top has red hair, but the

carrot carrot bottom.

Well,

his top is a carrot.

His top is a carrot.

I think that he shares the same top as a carrot.

Right.

That is a great question.

Is that the carrot?

It's not a question.

Yeah, because I do think you're right.

I think holding the carrot by the way.

It cannot be more resolved.

It's the end of the carrot in my mind.

When I think of a typical Bugs Bunny eating the carrot, the end of the carrot is he's eating it.

He's not cutting off the carrot.

The end is eating of the butt end.

Yes, yeah.

It's rounded like a buttock as well.

So the end is the end at the bottom or is that the top?

I guess that's the big question.

Well, that's what we've been talking about for a little while.

Well, we're in it now.

You know, I don't see any way out of it.

But I eat meat.

I eat all the different meats.

Yeah.

I'll have,

you know,

name a meat.

I'll tell you if I've had it.

Pork?

Yeah.

Al pasteur.

Veal tongue?

I don't know if I've ever eaten it.

I've tried tongue.

Like I've had like a tongue sandwich.

I shouldn't say the person who I went to dinner last night and I was with a few people and one of them.

I'll list off some of the people there.

Carl was there, our friend Carl Tart, Gabris.

Okay, so it was a group thing.

When you told me you had dinner with Carl last night, I actually thought it was like a one-on-one dinner.

And I was like, wow, these guys are hanging out.

I would have a one-on-one dinner.

I know you would.

I was just a little surprised that it happened.

Do you want to do like a lunch this week?

Me and you?

I would love to.

Is that real?

Sure.

You know, we watched some Celtics games together and it felt like a good bonding moment.

And then maybe what happened with pluralizing the singular event, but yeah.

I came more than once.

I did come more than I came twice, I believe.

All right.

But I think the pandemic maybe happened.

In your own little cat ranch, by the way.

Is that okay to say?

Yeah, it's fine.

Wounded creatures.

We're both cats.

He gathers them up.

We're both cat fans.

We're big.

Yeah, cat, yeah.

Cat guys.

Yeah, he's got two cats.

He's comparing himself to my guy here.

Come on, man.

I help save cats occasionally.

I do, too.

I got two new ones now.

I was trying to find homes for them.

Now I got two more fucking cats.

You do more, he says.

That's your total number of cats.

What's the cat count?

What he just got on.

It's at five.

It had gone up to seven.

Yeah, yeah.

Then

one

was like a neighborhood cat we were taking care of who is, who moved away, actually, was like, you know, taken away.

Right.

Then three of them have died in the past, whatever, four or five years.

It's okay.

It's part of life.

So then we were down to three.

And then someone dropped off four at our doorstep.

Neighborhood guy who does a lot of cat rescue.

He's like, can we, can I keep these here like until we do the adoption event, get them vaccinated?

And so I drove them to get vaccinated vaccinated and fixed and all that.

And then two of them got adopted pretty quickly.

And then the other two, just as time ticked by, you just start to go, oh, I think these are my cats now.

Yeah, sure.

So now we're back up to five.

Wow.

They're beautiful creatures.

Little keratops, these new ones.

But I'm going to be in trouble because I did a podcast.

I was, you know, do you ever go home from a podcast and you go, I wish I didn't say that thing.

People aren't going to like it.

I think every day.

Yeah, perfectly.

So that's how I live.

They're like, we don't.

You're right.

We hated that.

They don't.

It's actually much worse than you thought.

You thought we just didn't like it?

Well, you will be paying for this.

I did the stores podcast recently.

We can plug it in.

It hasn't come out.

I guess it on the stores podcast as well.

But we covered, and I mean,

I'll spoil them.

They'll probably be mad.

And we did, we did Petco, and I said that I had been warned that once you have children, your relationship to your cats changes to where they're a little bit more like,

get these fucking things out of my face.

Really?

And I, I love them

because,

you know,

they are my pets and I've cared for them and all that.

But there are so many more moments of the day where you're like, this too?

Oh, no.

Do you find that, Hayes?

Yeah, because they like

mushing their face into your face.

Bath time in our house is actually the worst because I'm like trying to navigate.

Are you talking about cats or children?

I'm confused.

That's so interesting that you say that.

We're actually talking about both cats and children.

We're talking about the combination of them of having a child and a cat.

So you're actually right on

by invoking both children.

Well,

when you were saying that they were mushing their face into your face, I didn't know if you meant children.

And then when you said bath, they're just a child.

Cats assumed the cats are doing that.

So you're trying to do something else.

Cats get in front of whatever the thing is that you're like trying to do, in my experience.

If you're reading a book, they'll sit on the book.

Yeah, that's true.

Yeah.

And if you're eating, they'll be like,

even if they don't want the food, they want to have their face in the plate where the food is to be like,

is there anything here I could enjoy?

And when it's just cats in the house, you're like, oh, yeah, this is so much better than just like the book.

Being alone or having a book.

Yeah.

But now with

something you're trying to do that is sometimes precarious and slippery or whatever.

And they're like,

how about I

get in the mix?

What if I was weaving in and out of your ankles while you were like trying to carry a child?

Dares.

You're just like, you want to kick it.

Well, good.

So I'm bringing up something I did on a smaller podcast.

No one was going to hear.

I said something that I regretted saying because I was like, animal lovers will be mad at me.

And now I've just put it on a much bigger platform.

But I've roped Haze into it.

We can delete this too if you'd like.

I don't think animal lovers will be mad at you.

I think you're just being, you're being candid.

You're still like loving cat parents.

Just to bring it up.

You care for cats so much.

Just talking about that complicated relationship with with them.

Like to change it.

To lose some other people on the other side of the spectrum.

The other side of the coin is there's a certain amount of your kids getting bitten that you just accept.

Oh, sure.

Yeah.

It's just like up to a point, like once a month, I feel like my kid could just get a skin-breaking bite or scratch from

one of the cats.

More common, I think, but it'll be like they'll be, you know,

going to touch touch the cat or bother the cat when the cat wants to be left alone.

It's going to be like, no, no, no, that's okay.

That's a good learning experience.

Well, this is how we learn not to do that.

Yeah, that's a good learning experience for children, I believe.

Also, by the way, I had a paralyzing fear of finish with that.

No, I was just going to say that I think a part of the reason I'm not a big reader is because every time I do get out a book, the cats will sit on them.

I'll just say, do your thing.

And I'll kind of get a book.

Oh, yeah, yeah.

There's got to be a five book.

Put down this copy of Jane's.

I'm sitting across from you.

First of all, I hear you say you're not a big reader, and I just about fell off the couch.

I said, well, there's got to be some kind of explanation for this.

Well, there can't be cow.

I'm

piecing it together myself.

Yeah.

There had to be a third party involved that was stopping you.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Because they do get, they'll get on your book.

But look, I don't have, I haven't had a child.

And probably, this is also part of the reason I haven't had a child is I like my relationship with my cats.

Yeah.

Right.

And I don't want that to change too much.

I still am kissing them.

And if they're getting in my face, I am very much loving it.

They've been very sweet lately.

But Wally did, he scratched me the other day.

Wow, he's broke, broke skin.

He was

playing around with him a little too much.

I was going to say, I had a paralyzing fear of dogs for most of my childhood because one of my earliest memories, I was three years old.

I was at my brother's friend's house and there was a dog there and I said, doggie.

And she ran up and bit me on the face.

Basically, it like tear, like just like, just just a bite mark from underneath my eye all the way down to like the corner of my mouth.

Oh, my God.

And just this huge, like, bloody gash opened up.

I'm actually surprised when you said doggy right now that Jemmy didn't do the same thing to you.

It was very off-putting.

And they almost did it.

And then my dad got his camera and took a picture.

Wow.

To document it?

I think it was to document it for the ER, but it did feel like he was kind of like.

Yeah, I got a picture of his GS.

This wasn't a time when you had a phone that you could just take a picture easily.

It was a process to go and get the camera.

Wise, I have one team to exclude, to write off your NFL list, the Browns.

You do not want to be a Browns fan.

Why is that?

The Dog Pow.

They have a bunch of

heads.

You could have given me 100 years.

Yeah.

I've come around to loving dogs.

You're a dog scary dog.

I mean, Jemmy is one of the best dogs in the world, as we all know.

She doesn't.

Do I have Mike Face?

Yes.

I do.

Do I mean fix it?

Here can I fix it?

I have Mike Face all the time, but

Mitch is referring to the microphone blocking his visage.

And there we go.

I fixed it.

I do it.

I intentionally will get it a little bit in front because I like to tantalize.

There are some people that say,

if I got mic face, I'm not putting the video.

I don't want the video up.

Let them use their imagination a little bit.

That's kind of how I feel, too.

I don't like people seeing my face.

They like to fill it.

I grew up, you know, it's this generated the internet and all the pornography they look at.

They're so used to having the whole thing shown to them right away.

There used to be a little mystery, a little magic.

I agree with that.

I actually do agree with that.

There's not enough magic in the world anymore, Wags.

I think that children, you know, like

when I was a boy, I was afraid of, you know, Halloween time, I was afraid of monsters and spirits and things like that.

Sure.

With the phone.

I think children think that's silly stuff now.

I don't think that there is afraid of that anymore.

You don't think there's any sort of curiosity about the paranormal?

That's kind of gone away.

I disagree.

I feel like people are still engaged by that.

I just feel like when sightings was on in the 90s, it felt like, oh,

the truth felt like it was out there.

Now I feel like we don't care or we know enough and we're jaded.

Do you not think that society has any sort of.

Something that was on in the 90s where the truth is out there.

I think of sightings.

That's number one for me as well.

That's what I associate as the 90s cultural icon about the truth being out there.

I think you're right.

There's not really any conspiracy theories or sort of like alternate ideas that people latch onto in the same way.

It used to be with sightings.

Yes, yeah.

Something Something that was entertained, and now it's like we've all kind of agreed on this one version of reality.

We're in lockstep.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Look, things, there are some, it's not as fun as it used to be, I guess you could say.

The world, you know.

Maybe I just was wrong on this point.

Maybe I could have been wrong.

It's possible.

Yeah, I'm having less fun for sure.

Me too, right now.

But is that, is that, is that, well,

are we getting older?

Is the fun, uh, is fun dissipating as you grow older?

I'm sure there's part of that.

But also, the world doesn't seem as fun.

No, I mean, I think there's the world seems maybe a little bit more miserable.

Let's bring that fun back,

right?

Well, I mean, like, I have kids, so to see, you can, instead of saying, like, kids aren't scared of monsters anymore, do you want to know if kids are

talking about it?

They actually are really scared of monsters.

Oh, they actually are.

It's one of the scariest things to kids is monsters.

It's still monsters.

It's monsters.

My daughter's really scared of Mufasa for sure.

For sure.

Okay.

But Mufasa is the good lion.

But he growls in the beginning.

Got it.

At Scar.

Yeah.

And she's like, I don't like when he's mad at Scar like that.

Scar hasn't earned.

For us, Scar hasn't earned to be treated like that.

Because he didn't show up for Simba being born.

Yeah.

Is this from the Lion King 2?

Is this from the new Lion King?

Yeah, Simba is born in The Lion King 2.

Yes, that's right.

That's when we kind of get to the Simba.

Yeah, the Simba being born with

it.

Really good question.

I think most of us probably knew the answer, but yeah, Lion King 2 is when Simba is born.

And when you first meet Mufasa,

famously survives the first movie.

Yeah.

So once we get around to number two, you know, he's all over it.

He's growling.

Scar dynamic and Simba's birth is really established.

James Earl Jones, for those that don't know, did the voice of Mufasa in the oh, fun fact.

Oh, yeah, yeah, fun fact.

That's cool.

I like the name Scar.

That's a good name.

It is a good name, but he is.

I guess what I was confused about here is I haven't watched the movie in a while, so I will admit that I slipped a little bit here on it.

There is a lot of

him, the voice of Scar.

That's a real.

It's a good idea.

Is it Jeremy?

Jimmy Iron Jeremy Irons.

Oh, it's a

home run out of the park vocal performance.

Oh, he's so good.

Has there been a children's movie as good as Lion King since

in the modern day?

I mean, I'd argue Spirited Away for sure.

That's one of my daughter's favorites.

We watched that.

I love that.

Like,

there's just the ones you develop a tolerance for watching

hundreds and hundreds of times.

Moana 1, absolutely.

I think Moana 1 is great.

Yeah.

Moana 2 sucks.

And so I just tell her we don't have that.

That's right.

We're out of Moana 2

in the house.

Should I retell the Patreon story of taking my kids to Bad Guys 2 the other day?

Did we clip it?

I don't think so.

So

it's very quick.

So

we clip it?

You can do anything you want.

It's your show.

So we went to, I took them to Bad Guys 2 in the theater.

Quick version is my daughter wanted to leave.

There wasn't that much of the movie left.

My son still wanted to see the end of it.

So I took my daughter outside to like FaceTime with my wife and like kind of like keep her chilled out for a little bit.

And I told him to just watch just inside the door in like the aisle next to the seats so I could see him.

And I was like, when the movie's over, just come out and we'll all leave.

And so I'm hanging out outside with my daughter.

My son walks out of the movie and he was like,

he was like, okay, I'm ready to go.

And I was like, the movie's over?

It seemed a little bit early.

And he's like, yeah, it's over.

And I was like, well, what happened?

And he goes like, they died.

i go what he goes yeah bad guys died i go

sorry

wait tell me like

what exactly happened he's going well it's the rocket ship exploded and the bad guys are dead and the last thing i saw was just like everybody on the ground was just you know being sad because all the bad guys are dead and i go

go back in and he was like what and i was like go back in they're not dead and he was like

i saw him explode And I was like, go back in.

So he walks back in.

He's inside for like 30 seconds.

Just the door pushes open.

He leads out.

He's like,

have you seen this before?

No, I haven't.

He's like, how'd you know?

He goes, they're not even, they have like band-aids.

They're not even like that hurt.

So funny and just like so chilling how fine he was with it.

He's like, man, they're fucking dead.

That got excited.

He was like, all right, the things are wrapped up here.

I can just head out.

Yeah.

All right.

Just fucking start the car, brother.

That is very, that's a beautiful story.

You know what?

There is still some magic in the world, Wages.

Yeah, we were just a second ago saying that, you know, kind of with the, you know, we're not in the sightings era anymore.

Maybe magic has disappeared from the world, but it seems like it's still here.

There's some magic

that he was referencing.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

He was remembering that conversation.

Yeah.

right.

Yes, no, no, I don't want to be giving him to him, you know him better than I do, but I took that to be a reference.

Yeah, does he, though?

Yeah, he might just be saying now that he was remembering it, but Wides was tuning into like he's saying that he's vaguely remembering something that that area, but yeah, okay.

Sometimes I think these two would hit it off if they ever really put the work in, yeah.

I think the boy, I think the four of us need to be.

I think the four of us need a project.

I think we'll oh my god, Wouldn't that be nice?

It would be.

Wait, wouldn't it be nice?

Couldn't launch the group chat again, but I think

we'll get that group chat humming.

What is everyone's morning routine as far as food is concerned?

Because we're always talking about a coffee chain, but also a chain that people are going more likely to frequent first thing in the morning.

Does it have to be morning?

No, it doesn't.

I mean, well, I don't know.

Whenever you wake up, I'd be like,

whatever.

I'll start.

Go ahead.

I get myself some black coffee and I go on a little walk around the neighborhood.

And then, if I, you know, very often I'll just have like a bowl of oatmeal with some fruit or maybe some cottage cheese with some fruit.

Just I usually, you know, eat a light, like, you know, sub-400-calorie sort of breakfast just to get it, get a start of the day.

Okay, I can go next.

So

I get up

at 6:59.

6:50?

One minute before 7?

Mm-hmm.

That's what my alarm is set for.

Why 6.59?

You know,

you're making me ask myself some tough questions.

So you can say you get up before seven every day.

I understand it.

It feels early.

Yeah.

Yeah.

That I'm like, I need to get a jump box.

Way earlier than seven.

Yeah, way earlier.

So my kids have

these hatchlights.

That was a sponsor at one point.

They have these hatchlights that turn,

change colors and stop making white noise at 7.15.

So I have 15 minutes to feed the dogs,

two dogs.

Two dogs, five cats.

Two dogs.

Feed the two dogs.

Feed the three older cats and then the two younger cats who are kittens, so they have different food.

Oh my gosh.

I get all them fed.

We bought a zoom.

Then maybe we start.

Then maybe we start breakfast for the kids, yeah?

And so then, you know, we're putting in today was cinnamon raisin toast, peanut butter for him.

She usually wants cream cheese.

Today didn't want it plain.

Then we're cutting up some fruit.

We're making lunch for school.

I will have a black coffee, a blue bottle iced coffee in a can.

Okay.

The bold, not the bright.

I will drink that.

And then I might have just like

an Aussie bite.

Fun.

Or like a little like sort of like granola, like an energy bar kind of bar.

What is it?

Or if it's a workout day.

They're the little like

tiny, like muffiny granola looking things.

Got it.

If it's a workout day, I'm going to have a think bar, a peanut butter think bar.

Which for you, that's my protein.

Most days are a workout day.

Come on, Mitch, you flatter me.

No, it's only two days.

Still pretty good.

Mm-hmm.

And that's my breakfast.

So there's not a big like breakfast thing going on.

Right, sure.

Yeah.

I wake up with the first kid, whoever the first kid is who wakes up.

Will they wake you up?

Yeah, we got got the monitor on.

Yeah, yeah,

um,

and it's the boy, it's always the boy, and so I'll uh, you know, just like hang out with him for a little while.

But uh, I make breakfast, and for you know, all the families out there, the breakfast that I've discovered that is a real crowd pleaser is a Dutch baby, okay, which is like an egg,

very egg-intensive, like pancake.

Comes out of the oven all puffed up.

It's like, sort of has like a popover effect.

You can do a savory one, or like we mostly do with like syrup and berries and stuff, but like that cuts up like a pizza, like kind of like a breakfast pizza for the whole family.

Um, so that's like probably three

mornings a week.

Uh, I'll do a big, big Dutch baby that, that feeds the whole house.

Wow.

And the cast iron, it's really nice.

Like it, you cook it in the oven.

Um, but yeah, that's a big, that's a big breakfast.

Are you getting caffeinated first thing in the morning?

Yes, I do.

And so I used to, I feel like I not introduced you to lock.

I was like, I'm not locked in on the

Blue Bottle Cuties.

I used to have those all the time.

But I was very taken aback by the discovery that those have like 250 milligrams of caffeine in them.

Oh, boy.

For something so small.

Right.

I mean, it is shocking.

Yeah.

And then I like the Stumptown ones.

I need to feel sick.

Same thing.

I mean, like,

that was the problem.

I wasn't reacting to it hardly at all.

It was like a normal dose.

And I would have like three more cups throughout the day.

And Stumptown ones, too, are like 275.

And so I have switched to either like just the drip machine or if that's ours is broken a lot.

And so I use the groundwork cans.

Usually the bitch's brew.

Just what it's called.

I was doing, like, as far as my

home coffee brewing, I was was doing the french press for a bit and then i was like this is just kind of cumbersome and i actually wasn't super super satisfied with the consistency of the my cup of coffee so i but i i still i fresh grind the beans i have that encore grinder uh and then i just have a i have a ninja drip maker now which is like this thing is fucking good this gets the job done don't you feel like the french press used to be and i i'm fine with skipping mitch if we all are i mean if the three of us are good with it

it just feels like we're maybe headed in the direction of skipping Mitch.

And I just wanted to make sure, like,

a wave of relief washed over me when Weiger started talking to me.

I said, okay, good.

He's feeling it as well.

Yeah.

Because I could feel Mitch really loading up for his answer.

Does it have to be the morning?

And then it was just like, okay, this guy's got a monologue locked and loaded.

And I just like can't.

I just, on the French press, doesn't it feel like that used to be more of a thing at restaurants?

Even like six years ago, where they would bring out the little thing and be like give that a couple minutes yeah just give that a couple minutes

and then push it down

now i mean you never see a french press anymore i i did see that they there was a movie theater that had one of the lamley theaters had a french press you order a cup of coffee there which is kind of nice um but yeah it's it's it's a

good yeah i used to do a french press you know a million years ago then i had a cold brew maker i was making my own cold brew it just fell out finally just like fashion kind of cycling.

Anyway, okay, I feel like I'm ready for it.

I take a Lexapro every morning.

And then I sit around usually and I wait to order Jersey mics.

Yeah.

That's kind of it.

But you've never been a caffeine guy in the morning.

You've never been a coffee.

In fact, I drank a coffee today for the episode and I feel

zippy.

I feel

a little too much for me.

I'm going to be up till.

I'm going to write the show.

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So, I mean, like, well, I mean, this is an incredible segue.

Yeah.

Not to outhost you, and I know that's why you don't have us on here.

In preparing,

I listened to an episode

of a show that

Paige Port,

the president of Dear Media, did with Josh Zad,

the president of Alfred Coffee.

And it was exactly this format.

The show is called Diddle, Day in the Life.

It's just an acronym.

I like it.

Yeah.

And you just like walk successful driven people talk about their days.

Paige Port, the sister of Whitney Port.

Correct.

Wow.

Whitney Port.

The city.

Yes.

Yes.

And

he wakes up between 7 and 7.15 every day on average.

And

first thing he has to do every day is have his coffee.

I'm a little surprised Zad having the, and we're talking about Alfred Coffee Today, which is found in 2013 by the aforementioned Josh Zad on Melrose Place in West Hollywood.

Which is a shortening of his

full name.

His actual name is not Josh Zad.

His full name is Josh Gadd.

And he named it for his father, Alfred Zad.

I'm in a fantasy football league with Josh Gadd.

Oh, wow.

Have you disclosed this publicly before?

I don't know if you have.

Yeah.

I'm in a fantasy football league with Josh Gadd.

What week you going up in my head?

Do you think you could be in

like a porn parody of some kind as Josh Zad?

No,

for a couple reasons.

Okay.

There is a couple, yeah.

I mean, I'm an actor, so I, you know, I would think about any role.

So that's not one of them.

That's not, that's not one of them.

That's not one of the things I could do.

I was going to act.

I was trying to think of a way to calm, and all I could land on was Josh Lode.

It wouldn't be Josh Lode.

No.

Josh Gad would be Josh.

Josh Lode?

Josh Nads.

Yeah, maybe Josh Nads.

Josh Wadd.

Josh Nads.

Dad and Zaddy, like, it's kind of there, but it's Josh Nad.

Josh Nad, yeah.

Josh Wadd is pretty good, too.

I like Josh.

If Wadd rhymed with Gad, it would be, that would be a natural fit, but it doesn't.

I'm going to destroy Gad when I go head-to-head with him.

We'll see what happens.

They own a registered trademark on

Josh Coffee and has two dozen locations.

Wagger's talking.

Sorry.

Alfred is Batman's butler.

And you know what?

Yeah, you know?

Not to

show all the preparation I did to just give a good product for the listener.

But that is

today the explanation that Josh Zad provides for why the chain is called Alfred Coffee.

It's Batman?

Because of the association with Alfred the Butler.

However,

Hayes did some different things.

In the early years of the chain,

the story was different.

It was named after the fact that the first franchise was on Alfred Street in West Hollywood.

It seemed to have shifted over time.

It's technically on Melrose Place.

That's where the first one is.

And like, I mean, this is some of the most expensive shows.

A show.

Andrew Shu.

And

I would not be surprised.

Andrew Shu.

Corny Thornton Smith.

No.

So he

was a commercial real estate family, and he was in commercial real estate.

And you can kind of tell, like, with the locations they choose, like, this is part of the process.

Can I help you?

I had an older sister.

She loved Melrose Place.

I watched some of it with her.

Oh, thank God.

I'm so glad we

got that off.

Not out 210, Melrose Place.

I watched quite a bit of those for my older sister.

Friends, too.

And I don't know if you guys, do you any of you have big sisters?

Yeah.

You got a big sister.

Hell yeah.

Hell yeah.

All right.

You and I got a lot in common, except there's a lot of different things, too.

I'm looking forward to this lunch, man.

We're going to get to all of it.

But not here, okay?

We've had a great, we have had great solo times together.

You and me.

Yeah.

Where's true?

What happened?

Where?

We've gotten lunch together.

We've hung out.

Yeah.

Okay.

And we got a, and, and we've got a lunch that we haven't landed it on the calendar yet but it seems like it might happen this i want it to happen yeah i like to hang out with you

maybe a movie

i would love i would love to see a movie with you in fact if you wanted to bring children that's also fine oh okay there's not much in the theater for them now okay

felt like i had some really interesting stuff to say about i was

at the restaurant yeah i know you were but like i know that's not what the audience wants like they want this they want to hear whatever this is that's they want to hear me they like the info They want to hear Mitch say that I could bring my kids.

Please, can you continue about?

I'm sorry that I detoured with Melrose Place.

What were you saying?

The guy that started this chain

also started.

It's an LA chain.

Yes.

Yeah.

Started Melrose Place.

He also started Cali Dad Beer.

Wow.

With Adrian Gonzalez.

Wow.

That's it.

Like, he was the co-founder of that company.

That was in like 2018.

But

it's like kind of a branding and commercial real estate exercise, this chain.

I don't like that as much.

The coffee is not like Alfred coffee.

It's Stump Town.

Right.

So it's like not a specific

coffee experience they're selling.

The proprietary thing is the vanilla syrup.

That's like the one thing that they really like push is like, this is Alfred.

Can I find vanilla latte?

Your story here, this information here has made me like this place less.

And I don't think that that was.

You thought you were getting Alfred brand coffee.

Yes.

And they may have

their own thing now.

Their own roasting method or something.

I don't think they roast anything, but I think they do have like some kind of blank label other coffee they use in addition to Stump Town.

But for the first like eight years of it, it was Stump Town.

But you're viewing as more of a cynical exercise.

Yes, this is a little bit, this is a little bit of the magic has gone away from this.

As opposed to carries a magic for you.

Today, when I was tasting it, I was like, this is pretty good.

That's where my head was at.

But then hearing all this, the tech and the

project did not.

What I associate them with actually is.

First thing.

Were you listening at all?

I thought you said something.

The project.

I think they curate, though, don't they?

I mean, because you could get Uncle Paulie's sandwiches there

for a long time, which I used to order occasionally because they were so much closer to me than Uncle Paulie's and they had like pre-made the sandwich that I liked from there.

So I would get it because there's an Alfred at the Line Hotel,

which is closer to where I live than

Uncle Paulie's in West Hollywood.

So

I also.

Noticed today that the breakfast burrito they have is from Wake and Late.

Yes.

Which is, I think, now I only just tried it last week.

I think think it's the best breakfast burrito in Los Angeles.

It's very good.

It's Amelia.

It's very good, but it is very good.

Excellent.

Amelia got one, but they were out of it's the second week in a row she's gotten something that looks like Trump's hand.

Right.

We were saying that the burrito kind of looked like Trump's hand.

It was, it was the

veggie, though, the vegan veggie.

And I thought that it was not bad.

It wasn't great, though.

It's okay.

That's not the one I'm talking about.

Yeah.

But these are all like, they have Zab's hot sauce in there, which, like, these are all LA brands that came out of the gate with a little extra zhuzh.

And notably, we just say they now have vesti sandwiches.

Our buddy Adam Gurdy is a bad boy.

And we love those vesti sandwiches.

Great sandwiches.

We do.

Yeah, so they're carrying a different sandwich now, which I noticed today, too.

And they used to have what they called a bodega breakfast sandwich.

Okay.

Okay.

And it was on like a.

Now you come from New York City where the bodegas are running wild.

It's true.

It's true.

Bodegas, sorry.

He thinks that that's like a Latina woman of some kind.

Bodega is a store.

It's a place where you're there sometimes.

Like bodegas is a store where you buy food.

The bodegas are running wild in New York City.

You can go there late and have a

breakfast roll.

Give me

the.

You don't want to know what that is.

Mm-hmm.

Well, anyway, they had this sandwich, and I used to get it pretty often.

I really thought it was a very good breakfast sandwich, but it's gone away now.

But it had a good, like, sort of chili sauce on it, and it was just a bacon, egg, and cheese, which,

by the way, is weirdly more rare here in LA than you'd think.

That is very rare.

In New York, it's literally every single 10 feet.

Yes, it's the bodegas, like I was saying.

Well, it's not what you were saying, but it's true.

That's it.

I got the Chaga Chino, by the way.

Chaga Chino.

Do we say what we all got?

Yeah, well, just because we're talking about, like, they don't have a signature coffee, but this is, they have their world-famous vanilla latte, which he mentioned, but they also have a Chaga Chino.

Now, come on, boys.

You don't forget how the show goes.

Of course, we discuss all the items.

A blend of wild forage, chaga, mushroom, cacao, cinnamon, vanilla, and monk fruit topped with Alfred espresso and milk.

And these are, you see these in more and more places as they have the little standy, the Chaga Chino standee at all of them.

I think it's some kind of third-party provider that's like, hey, you want to sell Chika Chinos?

I can't.

The mushroom-infused.

Like, I just, I don't know.

I'm skittish about it.

I haven't seen it.

Well, you're not adaptogenic.

It's obvious looking at you.

Yeah.

You're not maximizing what could be happening upstairs here.

I could see myself ordering a Chika Chino.

Well, I mean, I just drank one.

Oh.

Do you want one going on right here?

No, Mitch.

Let let Mitch talk about the theoretical

world

where he...

Yeah, Mitch,

you cover the Chaga Chino.

I could see myself ordering that.

I could see saying, hmm, this is very different than a regular

cappuccino, but there's an earthy flavor to it.

There's some mushroom elements in here.

What else could have happened?

And then also, you know, I could have gotten it and I maybe dropped it and spilled it.

I never even got to try it.

That could be immediately in

his fantasy way.

His wildest fantasies.

I did spill in a topic.

It's easy.

It could be anything you want could happen, Mitch.

I know what I'd do.

I'd just screw it all up.

What would happen?

He would spill it.

But it's like chicken or the egg.

Like, go ahead.

I did spill an entire coffee in an Alfred once.

I was holding a fucking garment bag.

It was so embarrassing.

I dropped the whole fucking thing on the floor.

Oh, man.

God help me out.

I get a bartell.

My biggest association with Alfred for a while was that when Kawhi signed with the Clippers, you remember what I'm going to say?

And that they were like,

yeah, that they were like, no,

no one from the Clippers is allowed to drink Alfred Coffee or whatever.

They playfully banned Paul George and Kawhi Leonard.

Yeah, they said

they couldn't have Alfred Coffee

because Josh Zad

I guess is a big Lakers fan.

And he said, and it didn't feel that playful to me.

It felt very aggressive.

So then I posted that I had found a fingernail in my latte at Alfred Coffee

playfully as well.

And I didn't go there for a little while, but I have another memory from going there, which is I was there getting a coffee when I worked on the CBS lot.

There's an Alfred right there.

Wow.

I had walked out of the lot into there with an executive, a studio executive.

Ooh, which one?

Now I got to drop names.

Alec Botnick.

Wow.

So I'm with Botnick,

and I'm at, we're at the front of the line.

He's buying me a coffee.

From the back of the line, somebody goes,

oh my God, Sean Clements.

I love Hollywood Handbook.

I'm a huge fan.

And I was just like,

I'm about to be so rich.

Now this guy knows I have a built-in fan base.

This is perfect.

This is the Hollywood dream.

That's great.

It was incredible.

And so thank you to the fans.

And obviously, keep, if you see me with a studio executive like that, keep coming up to me.

And if I'm alone, leave me alone.

Did you guys both go to the Silver Lake one as well?

Yes, that's where we picked it up from.

You picked it up from there.

Wait, just the fucking rhythms of the show.

I was picking that up.

Yeah, Amelia picked it up.

I picked it up.

Yeah, for sure.

Okay.

Oh, yeah, Amelia.

I highly appreciate it.

I was getting a vibe that you didn't go.

I don't know.

Okay.

I mean, I've been out for coffee a number of times.

That could be too much to talk about.

You two stir the pot quite quite a bit.

I hate to say this, but you two may be the devil incarnate, both of you.

The outfit was extended to our guests as it always is, of like we could pick the food up for you.

You both chose to go on your own, which was above and beyond.

That was above and beyond.

Boy, it's just a long way from the shrimp off, huh?

I had a lovely interaction with you.

Show's changed.

It's different.

No, people do complain about it.

What are you going to do?

Wait, what do you mean?

I think we're still doing okay.

We're doing fine.

I'm having a fun time.

I'm going to steal all of this.

Is the shrimp off too?

It's ending the show.

God, man.

What's the X7 thing?

Well, it'd be a real shot in the arm for the last few episodes, and then that's how people would remember it.

That is true.

But couldn't we do that next year?

No, I think you got to do it now.

You're talking.

I get the thing.

It's the wrong time.

It's the wrong time to talk this man.

You could talk him into.

You could talk.

We had to do it do very easily.

I think the

I've been

going to have to be a correspondent on Hollywood Handbook.

Well, look,

I went to the Silverlake one.

He went to the one at the Lion Hotel in Koreatown, Studio City, Melrose Place.

There's one at like LAX.

And

there's now one on York in Highland Park.

And like this

chain now represents something.

When it shows up in a neighborhood.

Starbucks, they used to be like, oh, this is like a symbol of the neighborhood gentrifying or whatever.

But with Alfred, you're completely on the other side of that process.

And it's now like a high, high-end

investment opportunity.

Same thing happened with Abbott Kinney in Venice.

It's just like another fancy

stretch in Abbott Kinney.

There is one now.

Yeah.

Does Starbucks

is that a gentrifying thing still with Starbucks or is it time?

I don't think it's still that.

If Starbucks moves in, you got to get out out of that neighborhood now.

Is that what it is or no?

Anyway, you think.

No, no, no.

You think a Starbucks moving in would draw something

that would make

you or some fictional person you're thinking about would move out of the neighborhood.

First of Starbucks, then the bodegas.

That's

Mitch's whole philosophy.

Starbucks is so omnipresent.

I feel like it's like a subway franchise.

It doesn't say anything necessarily.

It's just like they're just everybody.

I've never liked Starbucks.

You know this about me.

Yeah.

In fact, you know, the one I like the most?

So coffee brave.

Coffee.

I'm a show about talking about food.

I like Duncan Burrows the most, of course, but coffee bean and tea leaf, as far as like the LA sort of brands, I like coffee bean.

I don't need more than that.

I will say.

You're also, again, though, you're not a coffee drinker.

So this is the kind of like thing, like you're not going out on too far of a limb here.

It's easier for you to abstain from a coffee chain like asking moby what's the best steakhouse

i don't need i look i thought that this coffee was really good it reminds me of the first time i have it at intelligentsia and i was like this is a very well-made coffee what'd you get just a black coffee i had i got a latte from well from here today

We've never reviewed it.

Did you think he was asking about Intelligentsia?

Yeah, the first time I got Intelligentsia, and I did review it.

Oh, wow.

And it was a latte.

And it was very good.

But today you got a latte latte as well.

No, today I did

a bit of ice, the famous iced villain.

That's what I got too.

Yeah.

I also got one of those.

I got it hot.

The drink that put us on the map.

Oh my God, I'm here.

Real vanilla bean syrup layered with milk and finished with Alfred Espresso.

I think this sounds just very tasty.

I mean, like, this is the thing.

I don't, I just don't need this much sugar in a coffee drink.

And that's what it's exactly what I would say, even about my Chi Cino, which is, I drank it.

Yeah.

I think it's nice.

I don't

drink that sweet.

I don't, I had it.

You covered it for the show, yeah, just because you could imagine ordering it.

Yeah, I actually drank one today.

Oh, that's actually why we were talking about it.

We should have heard from you on it.

That's how it came up.

That's how you got the idea that you could possibly.

Yeah, I didn't have it.

You should have talked about it more.

So, you listed, it's like cinnamon, vanilla, a monk fruit.

Yes, and so that's three sweeteners, basically, and cacao, four sweeteners.

I just don't need that much sweet in my drink.

It's not what I want.

Now, I got an extra shot.

Okay.

What is a monk?

I got a 3X.

Oh, and so for me, they said we pulled doubles.

I know.

That is usually what you'll be told.

I don't know why I agreed to that.

I didn't want two extra shots, but she was like, it's the same price.

I was like, so I got a quad, which I didn't mean to do.

Wow.

Yeah.

That happens most places where

if you want another shot, they just say, well, it's always a double shot.

And so you're paid the same even if you have them do a half.

I just looked up a monk fruit.

Not the most attractive of fruits.

Sure.

Some of them you look at.

Well, I'm not fucking a thing there.

I'm not sure if I can do it right now.

Some of these crazy

fruits.

If it's looking just right.

I mean, it looks like an old lime.

Don't get me wrong.

I'm not trying to offend people who love from old lime.

We get it, right?

Yeah, right.

That's against the world out there.

Yeah, I grew up near near there.

A lot of ticks.

There's a lot of dogs.

Well, yeah, it's where Lyme disease comes from, babe.

You ever seen Lyme disease?

Is it from Lyme or Old Lime?

Because there's Lyme, too.

Yeah.

I was so much more familiar with old Lyme as a town in Connecticut that I think of it as being from there.

But yeah.

Did you have the latte experience where

the person that was working at the store store was very nice.

It could have used a shake.

Yes.

My first settlement.

It was so settled.

It was 100%.

Because ours all came like that, like

layered almost.

Yeah, it's like striated in this way that is

difficult to undo.

Yeah.

It's kind of busy with either having just like pure espresso or pure syrup.

But maybe it goes back to like this is a, as a, you know, as a business plan is, it's, it's like, I think from a marketing standpoint, that's very grammable.

You know, like, especially you get like the the one, there's the strawberry drink they've had, which I've had before, which is yummy, but that one is like super like distinctly layered and like at photographs.

Well, there's just kind of a beige, you know, sort of stuff.

Shake it off.

Yeah.

They're too invested in their development and their tech enterprises to

shake that dang thing up.

But look, it does, it looks nice.

When you do see it from afar, it looks nice.

It is, it's grammable.

I'm sure that will get a lot of likes on the Instagram posts.

Well,

if I could make a one.

That is good.

We do want that.

Yes.

If I could make one observation about it that I don't think anyone has mentioned yet,

the layering is sort of aesthetically pleasing in a way that's grammable.

Yeah.

And it looks nice.

So for Instagram, websites like this,

you know, apps,

you can see it.

Right.

And I think that that is part of

why they probably do it is

for Graham.

Some inherent visual appeal.

Yeah.

Can I just say that?

Yeah,

the look of it.

Yeah.

Since we last had you guys on, the podcast space has opened up more into Instagram worlds, YouTube.

And

you're not doing video.

You could actually be asking why they layer the drink that way.

Oh, yeah.

Because of the visual element of it.

Well, I mean, the way, yes, marketing has changed and everything.

Yeah.

I think that's actually why they do the drink like that.

To put a picture of it online, social media, Instagram.

Yeah.

Right.

I mean, even the context of this discussion, if this were a clip, we would have like photographs of the beverage in it.

You'd see it on itself.

It's a visual representation of it, not just the audio of the drink.

Yeah.

There might be a lot of thumbs up on that video, which is also nice.

Yeah.

I mean, that's the thing we're looking for.

That's a way people express approval, you know, and you think of a thumbs up as a physical thing you do with your hand.

But now, even that's online, even that can be put, it's that's grammable in its own way.

I'll give this video a thumbs up right now.

All right, that's a perfect clip.

That's a pretty good clip.

Or a YouTube short.

There's a lot of different things.

That is a drum.

We also got some lemonades, Mitch.

Regular lemonade.

Can't go wrong with a classic.

Don't know about that because I think regular lemonade wasn't really crazy.

Drink.

Yeah, that was pretty bad.

What was bad about it?

There was something.

Or you don't have to say, say, you can just say it was bad.

There might be a rotten lemon.

Yeah.

The lemon was rotten.

God.

Well, it tasted, I mean, like, I have fucking old lime and the rotten lemon.

Give this guy something to fuck for once.

Yeah.

Somebody get this man a sexy citrus.

I thought it was a little overly acid.

I didn't love it.

Ruby red grapefruit, man.

I know what that looks like to me.

I thought the lemon was.

You're giving them so much credit that they even had like a lemon back there that like they made this out.

I think they use it as a base for their other lemonades.

So, like, they kind of plan on mixing other shit in there.

So, it tasted a little like flavor.

There was something just a little bit weird about it,

but I did like the cherry.

The cherry lemonade.

Zing, pow!

Morello cherries, lemonade, and a dash of vanilla and orange come together to create the perfect refreshing summer sip.

Yeah, I thought this was nice.

Pow, and that's at Alfred's.

Like, you hear all these components, you expect it to be overly sweet.

But I think here the acid from the lemonade like kind of contrasted that enough where it was, it was fine.

And the cherry was really dominant, which is what I wanted from a cherry lemonade.

Yeah.

Are you guys having a good time?

This is your break, man.

I don't want to ruin it for you.

I want to check.

So you want me to cut that?

No, no, that break.

No, it could, no, it's just like a, you know,

just a quick break from the one sentence Wager was saying.

Can I just take a quick break from listening to you?

I will say, like, what this chain feels like to me, I feel very catered to not me personally, but it feels like they're doing a lot of like market research on like what's the thing.

Yeah, guys like me, corny white guys like me.

So like I got like, I don't particularly like the flavor.

I just wanted to see what the deal was.

They have a matcha croissant.

Yes, I also got a matcha croissant.

I looked at it.

God, I took a long, hard look at that.

I mean,

when it's a croissant flavoring, it's just green tea.

It doesn't feel like matcha specific in this, in this version.

When When it said like filled with our famous matcha chocolate, I went, well, that's a chocolate croissant.

And it wasn't.

I didn't taste chocolate at all.

There were some chocolate nugs in there, but it was pretty muted.

The matcha was pretty overwhelming.

But like, what they're testing out does not feel like it's part of any larger brand identity other than like, this is some of the stuff that's hot.

Right now, this is what you like, right?

Yeah.

It also looks like a little moldy croissant.

I know that, you know, it just looks like a little moldy croissant with the the matcha.

It doesn't work.

Visually, it doesn't.

It's not grammable.

Mitch, just seeing mold and like rotting spots on everything.

It's ever since long COVID.

He thinks that everything looks sick and rotten to him.

I didn't love the matcha croissant.

I just thought it was like, it was an hypothesical thing.

Like, this is part of the issue that I run into with these places.

And we ran into with Phil's last week, Mitch, is that we're inadvertently doing two third-wave coffee places that started in California in a row.

But like, like, like the, the, the, when we did out with Phil's, I was like, I would never get any of this stuff normally.

I'd get a fucking cup of coffee.

You know what I mean?

And also, like, like, when it comes to the food, I just like.

Whatever happened to a fucking cup of coffee.

Maca Fracci, Pacholatte, Chino.

I don't know what all these words mean.

Give me a cup of Joe.

You know what?

I kind of do agree with that.

Butter and B.

Phil's is different.

Yeah.

It's different.

Phil's a different experience.

But also, like, at.

I love Phil's.

I do too.

Do you really?

I think they're so good.

I think that it's a really underrated coffee chain.

I think the coffee's very good.

The coffee we liked.

We liked the coffee.

I liked this coffee before.

But

that's all I want

is the coffee.

The cold brew at Phil's

is good.

Yeah.

And they were, like, my brother was living in Berkeley.

I went to like one of the original ones.

It was like a 90s style coffee house that felt like a real place.

Like, obviously, it's different.

It's like a huge chain now.

It's different, but like they are doing their own coffee thing.

Did they just sell?

They did.

They did just sell for private equity.

Central Perk.

Like a Central Perk.

But all the.

To use you guys in the Phils episode as backup.

I was kind of felt like I was kind of on an island there.

Everyone else was hating it.

People didn't like it.

People didn't like it.

Yeah.

Oh,

I think it's good coffee.

The food.

Boy, they have a coffee cake muffin that's just a life.

Okay.

I just saw wages on the Warner Brothers set.

And

never mind.

The Warner Brothers set?

No, I'm good too.

Like, if you're good with moving on, I'm also.

I'm fine.

Imagine how bad.

Oh, I'm not going to sleep a wink wondering what the Warner Brothers set meant.

I saw Wags on the Warner Brothers.

You're trying to wrap it around a Central Perk?

Yeah, I was right by the stage that Central Perk was.

Which shot again?

Which I thought was very, you know, it's a classic.

The Friends Fountain, you can see there, too.

The Friends Fountain's right nearby.

That's the Friends Set on the Warner Brothers lot.

Yes.

Yep.

I saw Wages.

We saw each other.

It was fun to see you on a non-work day, Wags.

That's right.

I will say, all you were just at Warner Brothers for fun.

Like, what?

Yeah, Mitch was working.

And I gave.

I just said it was a non-work day.

Well, Mitch, he met a non-work day in terms of Doughboys being work, in terms of that being our shared job.

He's a work friend of yours, who you saw out in the wild.

Saw in the wild.

He's a real friend of mine, too.

Excuse me.

We had a warm embrace.

That was nice.

I will let you two.

I will let you two joke around as much

as you want.

You can cause chaos on this podcast as much as you want, but Nick is my friend and not just my work friend.

I thought that you'd like that.

I did like that.

I will say

the accoutrements of this place, it's all very carefully chosen, obviously.

This straw that I brought, for example, do you feel that?

Yes.

Compostable.

Oh, that's nice.

That's pretty good.

It's one of those, like, not real it's like commercially compostable only.

It's like, okay, I'll just fire up my commercial composter to get rid of this thing.

Because the the

cold drinks come in single-use plastic, which is another issue of, like, I'm not sure if that's because that's technically compostable.

And not just single-use plastic, but it also branded with the butt first coffee.

Yes, right.

Which actually feels like it wouldn't be them.

Like, they feel a little hip to be doing but first coffee.

I totally agree.

Something that like would be on like.

It's like a live, laugh, love thing.

Oh, I think it's a good thing.

Where it's like,

really?

Alfred's doing but first coffee.

You buy it from Michaels.

They claim it is their thing.

But yes, it feels like it needed to be bad as a saying, I feel like.

I think we feel like I understand, but there's a certain.

No, I love, look, all three of those things, I want to embrace that.

Yeah.

But

as a sign that you put on something,

I think it's

associated with a certain kind of person, like a mom.

Yes.

Sure.

Yeah.

Or even

a weird aunt.

Oh, yeah.

And so I think, but first coffee,

just one?

Maybe two.

Yeah.

You know, I consider you guys real friends and not work friends either.

And not work friends either.

Well,

we don't work together.

I mean, it's like, and that's your choice.

I love work.

Every time we work.

I've been very deliberate.

That's not a good thing.

I don't think of Hayes

as a work friend because I actually don't think of doing our podcast as work.

If you love what you do, you'll never work a day in your life.

This,

I get why you consider it

to be a job.

Do you guys consider this work, Amelian M?

I consider this prison.

That's fair.

Our other sweet treat was the chocolate sesame cookie, chocolate chip cookie with the Valhona dark chocolate, roasted sesame seeds, and creamy tahini.

A lot of sesame in there.

Can I tell you what I'm saying to that, though?

Open sesame.

Hot hop.

Hot hulp.

Yeah, it was real yummy.

I was skeptical about the marriage of chocolate and sesame, especially how aggressively sesame it was.

Man.

But it was yummy.

That's a trendy flavor as well.

No, you're right.

It is very.

it's curated.

It's all, it's all, but so I took a look at the pastries, and this is a thing for me.

You asked about our breakfast routines.

Sometimes I will

not eat anything for breakfast, and I'll walk to

dogs with my wife to like a coffee shop or something.

And

I find that almost all of the pastries have like, a sweet, there's either like fruit or chocolate involved.

And I don't want that first thing in the morning for breakfast.

I don't want that sweetness, and even like the matcha croissant or whatever, I'm just like,

it's just like too much.

Like, I wish there were more.

Yeah, I wish there were more.

So, and then they'll have a savory option, but it'll be like

cheddar, scallion, Gruyere.

Like, it'll be like so much, it'll be something where I'm like, well, that's also not for breakfast.

I can't have that with my coffee.

Yeah, I wish there were more

simple pastries available at these places.

Like just like a single ingredient muffin, a corn muffin, something like that would be great for me where it's like, there's a little sweetness to it.

Even I got a brand muffin the other day I was pretty excited about at the Clark Street Bakery.

And

there were so many raisins in it.

And they didn't list that as one of the ingredients.

I just wanted a little simpler.

And so what I got here

was the, is it called a rip and dip?

Rip and dip dip bagels.

I got a rip and dip bagel because I just wanted to marketing.

I just say it just and by the way,

was not uniquely textured to make ripping it really easy.

Any bagel you can rip and but I did eat it that way.

I got the little cup of whipped cream cheese and I got a sweet onion bagel, which had just enough, you know, attitude on it that it wasn't just like plain bread.

Almost mostly bread.

And I ripped it apart and dipped it in the cream cheese.

And that was my lunch with my Chaga Chino.

But that was like the plainest thing I could find, really.

The copy says it's medicine.

It seems like

I got to say this.

Look, I'm not, I'm not.

He has to say, I mean,

he's got to get this one.

This guy's fucking about to explain.

I know you got your thing, but like, he just

gives him some kind of release, man.

He's got to do it.

Chaga Chino rip and dip bagels.

This is the direction.

This feels like future breakfast in a lot of ways.

I'm like having fun.

No, it's like we're living.

It's like we're living on fucking cybertron.

No, it's like this could have been an episode of sightings, you know what I mean?

Like back in the day, you go, oh, that's not real, that's never going to happen.

But here we are.

That's how I've been through the wormhole.

A Chi Chino and a rip and dip bagel.

I like the experimentation of it.

Wise.

That's all I had to say.

The copy says these insanely crisp yet fluffy bagels are meant to be ripped apart by hand and dunked.

So it like it, it's it specifies that they are engineered to be rip and dippable, but it doesn't matter.

Well, what I'll say, well,

I will say

it was shaped a little more like a Kaiser roll or something than a bagel, where it wasn't, there wasn't a pronounced hole and like the sort of like thin crispiness of, you know, what a Montreal bagel style.

No, pronounced hole.

Walk us out.

What?

What?

I said, no, pronounced hole, and I said, you're out.

You're out on it.

Got it.

You like a hole.

I want the hole in the bagel.

Pronounced hole.

Yeah.

Because Because I pronounced, I didn't know.

I thought it was

talking about pronunciation.

That's why I didn't quite get it.

Yes.

It's physically pronounced.

You can pretend I didn't say anything.

No, it's fine.

I liked it.

Mitchell was going to pretend you almost said something, which is what happened.

And we all kind of had to fill in the blanks.

But

at any rate,

it was a little different than a normal bagel.

But I thought it was going to rip apart so easily.

And it was there was a little bit of work involved a little elbow grease luckily I'm in shape to like get you to

because like it's such an obstacle if you're buying a bagel you'd be like oh I gotta cut this and have they have a little knife it's

what surface do I put it on to spread it they're just putting in your head that like these ones you just rip and dip in the thing which like of course you can do that with any bagel that's smart it's so smart they got really really smart it made me more likely to order it I go I'm gonna order it then yeah exactly I'm gonna cut it in half am I gonna toast it here is it gonna be oh yeah then instead it was like, no, this one you just rip and dip.

What's your favorite?

I do like this.

What's your favorite bagel varietal

in a vacuum?

Like, like, like a, like, you know, you get your pick of flavors.

What do you, what do you hope is there?

Hot and fresh out of the oven.

Oh,

you got to make me pick just one wax.

Pick a few.

It's different days.

You know, sometimes I.

I used to frequently get a pumpernickel bagel.

Oh, that's fun.

Yeah.

Yeah.

A little tud on that as well.

Lately, my order at my local bagel place is toasted oat brand bagel with butter.

Okay.

And it's got big honking oats all around the outside.

You're getting your fiber in it from what I am hearing.

Yeah, I need it, man.

I got to go to the bathroom.

Pumper nickel, more fun to say than to eat for me.

How dare you?

I'm sorry.

I like sesame seed

my seed of choice.

That's a fun bagel.

Sesame bagel.

Hey, is you got got a favorite bagel?

I usually go with everything.

Oh, sure.

My friend Alex Crowe has a stand at the Hollywood Farmer's Market called Tomorrow Bagel.

Wow.

This trendy flavor as well, but he has a sriracha maple one that's that's really good.

Oh, that's interesting.

And my daughter gets their cinnamon raisin one, which like brought me back into cinnamon raisin bagels a little bit.

Yeah.

The kids get blueberry bagels and the wife does.

And if I'm going to like a courage bagel where it's it is that like really crispy like kind of slightly burnt bagel, I like a garlic bagel.

Ooh, that's fun.

Yeah, those are nice.

Yeah.

Wise, you also like the idea of like

you've said this before, but like the idea, this is the truth.

I'm being honest here.

This isn't a made-up thing.

You like the idea when you're eating to like rip into stuff.

You've said this before, like the caveman aspect.

Sure, I do that.

You said it.

You told me that.

You're bringing it back to rip and dip bagels.

Yes.

I thought we moved on.

No, no, no.

I, yeah, I do like to tear.

It's fun to tear things apart when you're eating.

Sure.

It is feeling like apart.

That's what I'm saying.

I'm saying you told me that.

You told me.

The animalistic side of the brain.

It's a fun to rip and dip.

I never feel more like a caveat than an Alfred coffee.

Yeah.

We also got some sandwiches.

I got the Vesti Caprese sandwich.

We're big fans of Vesti.

I thought this was herbarosa tomatoes, pecorino, and marscarpone cheese, nut-free pesto, garlic aioli, and arugal on a crusty, spongy, fresh focaccia.

Really nice focaccia.

I don't know.

I thought this was a lovely sando.

I ate half of it.

Amelia, did you take the other half?

Yes.

What did you think of that, bad boy?

It was good.

Yeah.

What you also got, Emma, you got yourself a sandwich.

Yeah.

I got the Italian turkey sandwich.

And if you ask me, most of them are turkeys.

Oh, boy.

The Italians, I meant

this also has the nut-free pesto along with roasted turkey, mozzarella.

I wish this polycast were nut-free.

Tomatoes, garlic aioli, and arugula on a focaccia.

Oh, God, you know.

How was that sandwich?

The boys were back.

I'm just trying to have some fun.

We're having a great time.

Dude.

That was fucking awesome, dude.

I know you're joking around, man.

I liked the sandwich.

The Italian turkey.

I mean, vesti sandwiches, look, it's a home run, Wags.

We love them.

So people say marscapone, huh?

Like, that's just what everyone says.

But that's not how it's spelled.

How are you supposed to say it?

Well, doesn't it say mascarpone?

Is it mascarpone?

But everyone says marscapone.

Yeah, everyone says marscapone.

Amelia, how do you say it?

You know, I don't know.

Did you how it but like you're are you doubting yourself?

It's okay to not

know either.

I have no answer.

You haven't said marscapone before?

Never.

Oh, interesting.

I don't know.

Marskone.

I've never said it either.

I'm not even going to attempt to.

It's spelled mascarpone.

You're right.

I've seen the

how I say it because I read it, but it never has felt that good to me either.

Mascarpapone.

People are out here saying marscarpone.

Can we get some clips?

I think they probably should because if this many people are doing it, I've got to be wrong.

Well, look, linguistics is descriptive, not prescriptive.

Like, it just isn't necessarily like a right way to pronounce something.

Mascarpone, okay.

Oh, but I'm not going to do that.

Yeah.

Mascarpone.

Mascarpone.

Mascarpone.

Yeah, then they think people don't know what you're talking about.

Mascarpone.

Mascarpone.

This,

my cup had a little,

Alfred is big on like Alfred X, other brand type stuff, I feel like.

And often they're promoting

the wall.

We had a Mary Beth Barone on our show, and I had just seen her on the way in on the wall at the Silver Lake

Alfred because they were promoting her show with Benito Skinner.

This is for Postmates.

It has a little bagel with

overcompensating.

Thank you.

And a little coffee like they have eyes.

It's kind of like corporate Memphis.

When you're done with Twisted Metal.

Come back for average.

Wages is watching season two as we speak.

Yeah, Mitch, you're great in it.

Thank you.

Have you guys watched it?

Season two of Twisted Metal?

Yeah.

Is this one of those episodes?

Are we still promoting the show?

I mean, just tell me what I'm supposed to do.

I'll say whatever the fuck you want.

I want you to.

Twisted Muntle has just ended.

It is just ended.

We're not promoting it specifically, but

we're not not promoting it.

Yeah, yeah.

I guess we're just

promotion never ends.

It never ends.

Yeah, it never ends.

Yeah, and in that case, absolutely have watched it.

I am

a kind of show.

You know what I mean?

Well, here's what's crazy for me is I normally don't like that kind of show.

And I went in only watching it for Mitch.

And son of a bitch, the exception that proves the rule, Twisted Metal, which is not the kind of show I would normally watch.

I ended up just thinking it was really well done.

I don't care that this is fake.

I love it.

I loved it.

I mean, I was like, I was laughing.

I was into all the characters.

I thought like it's, you know,

visually

just a fun show to enjoy.

And like the tone a little bit like

takes

what I remember from the video game

where there's like violence and stuff, but it's done in a playful way where it doesn't feel too heavy.

You know, it just I ripped right through it.

I couldn't believe I was done.

Yeah.

I mean, he's a pro, and I don't even want to know if he's never seen a second of it because that was that, that was very good.

It was good.

I agree.

Did you see it?

Amelia, you got the vesty spicy guy.

I'm a bit of a heat seeker, so that this is a sandwich.

I got the spicy guy.

I'm so sorry, Emma.

You got this.

This is a sandwich that would normally appeal to me, though.

I haven't been eating pork yet.

Smoked hand cured ham, provolone, pepperoncini, calabrian chili, a relish, garlic alien, arugula on a crusty spongy, fresh focaccia.

I'm reading the adjectives every time.

What did you think of that, bad boy?

It was great.

I loved it.

I was only going to eat half of it and save the rest for later, and I ate the whole thing.

Yeah.

So A-plus.

It seems like the vesti sandwich, I mean, because they're designed, we know that they're made, they're batched in the more, in the AM, and it's just like, it seems like they're a...

It holds up.

yeah it did it's it's a it's a good fit here.

Yeah, great sandwiches

But why?

Because it's about the coffee at this place.

Let's be real this coffee sleep.

I mean like I don't want to come down on them too hard and I'm curious.

I mean you guys obviously didn't go so far as to go to the restaurant in preparing for this show.

Amelia did go though.

I was embarrassed walking down the street holding this.

And I just like

I felt it acutely.

You know, I'm like in the middle of Silver Lake.

That sucks.

I'm holding this thing.

I took a photo of

my food from there and I took the sleeve off because I didn't want to.

Did they put that on your iced drink?

Yeah.

It was on my ice drink.

I just thought we were for like hot drinks to protect your hand because it's too hot.

I don't really get why they put them on iced drinks.

But even if it had just said Alfred, I was trying to think of myself, what is it about this?

Like, I feel like

you present as someone if you're holding an Alfred coffee that has been sold to and so

you know what I mean?

Like you feel like it's such a

code.

There's a code on the back of it for money off your order as well.

I don't know if.

God, Mitch just discovered a code.

Look, I'm analyzing this

regular Robert Langdon over here.

Da Vinci Code.

I know that.

That's from Da Vinci Code.

Angels and Demons.

This guy says he doesn't read.

He's like, I read a lot of Angels and Demons, but then

he sat on it.

And I never finished um what's there the third one they made a third one i don't know what it was oh right

i think it's uh

da vinci code angels and demons

inferno

inferno so this is on here there's clues in dante's inferno or something i think i believe so that makes sense yeah sure did they make did tom hanks do all three yeah they made a third movie completely invisible I haven't seen any of them.

I never finished.

I said,

I'm going to finish reading

the Da Vinci Code before I see the movie.

And I never did.

So I thought Da Vinci Code, super short chapters.

Read it in rehab.

Is that true?

Yeah.

So I was in there and somebody had recommended to me before.

And it was like, I got like checked into this, this like psych ward, rehab ward, and I was, and what I had with me, what was my parents like gave me to be like, okay, you know, you'll be in here for two weeks was the Da Vinci Code.

And for the first day, because I was drying out, like sweating it out, they didn't make me go to any of the little group meetings or anything.

So I just was alone in my room and I fucking ripped through the DaVinci Code.

Got to say, one of the most satisfying, exciting reading experiences of my life.

I know we all shit on it now, but man,

I was on an adventure with Robert Langdon.

The chapters you're writing is such an expert of like the roller coaster of just like ramping you right up at the end of a chapter.

They were like,

yeah, and they were like, they were, they were super short chapters.

So you felt like, okay, let me just get through this next one.

And then you were like, Yeah, fuck it.

I could do one more.

And it just, it made you read it really fast.

And I was like, I mean, I remember like on day two when they were like, you are going to have to go to these meetings, them knocking.

And I was just like, in the fucking book.

And they were like, hey, you got to go to the thing.

And I was like,

we're trying to solve the codex.

Just like the fucking Knights of Templar, you know, like we're really getting to the bottom of this thing.

Okay, I guess I'll go hear about, you you know, how to save my own life.

There's a coffee on the sleeve.

Coffee.

And it's making a kissy face here.

And then a rip and dip bagel that's leaning up against her.

I guess they're an item, I believe, the two of them.

And interestingly, that bagel was not ripped and dipped.

It's already got cream cheese on it.

It got cream cheese on it.

Now it looks like a regular.

Yeah, it might just be a conventional bagel.

It just straight up says postmates here.

I don't like it either.

Yeah, I don't love that.

Yeah.

Let me see the cartoon.

I don't think I looked at it closely enough.

But it's post-mates.

So they just fucked.

Oh.

Oh, that's the implication.

Post-quital.

Yeah.

I mean, look at the shape of the mouth and everything.

Like, these guys, they just finished mating.

It's post-mate.

Holding flowers.

They exchange flowers afterwards.

Well, yeah.

Well, look.

So she's holding a bouquet of flowers, but she's given her flower to him.

So the burger has just taken her virginity.

The burger?

Yeah.

I guess it's a bagel with cream cheese, is it?

You said you were a burger.

Yeah.

There doesn't need to be any deception involved.

No, that's true.

I wonder what kind of baby they're going to have.

Yeah.

But that's post-mates, yeah.

So they just had sex.

Yeah.

How about that?

I don't like it either.

I don't, the more I've heard about Alfred, it's lost me a little bit.

But I will say this.

I thought that the world-famous

vanilla latte

was good.

It was a good coffee latte.

That's a good latte.

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gone.

We should get to our final thoughts on Alfred Coffee.

So, Sean Hayes, you've done the podcast before.

We'll each go around, give our closing arguments, if you will, and give it a fork score from zero to five.

Sean, seated to my left, we'll begin with you.

Your thoughts, your fork score on Alfred.

Well, I've got to be honest about it.

I agree with Mitch.

A lot of like Hayes' observations about the way they are sort of like

marketing and the like trendy, like kind of like corny hipstery element to it has turned me off.

But but

if you just ask me, like, if I just need a cup of coffee, here's my issue with it.

So I'm going to give it

out of five.

Yeah.

I'm going to give it like a 3.3.

Okay.

And here's why I'm,

here's why I'm doing that.

If I want a cup of coffee, I think I can get a good cup of coffee from there, and that's nice.

There have been items there that I really enjoyed that have disappeared.

They don't sell the sandwich that I used to get there.

They don't sell the breakfast sandwich that I used to get there.

So I've had like regular orders there that I liked, and they've gone.

So there's too much turnover for me to really rely on them for food.

Yeah.

in the way that I would need to to make it a staple.

But like it's called out for coffee for the coffee.

I think the coffee is above average.

I think it's better than

Starbucks or Coffee Bean or

just like what's in the box.

If there's just like a coffee shop that like I've never seen before across the corner, I'll probably go to Alfred because I trust it.

Okay.

Wow.

Three forks, three tenths of a fork.

I have my phone up for a reason, but we'll get to it.

Yeah, three forks and a tine.

Yes.

It sounds like you don't want to go.

We let the guests go first.

Let the guests go first.

You know, like, this is maybe too thought-out for this forum, but

I used to work at LA City Hall and like

there.

You see a lot of

local businesses really struggling here.

And like

I got.

I'm interested in places that are trying to export a version of LA to the world.

The place I'm most obsessed with is Umami Burger

that really was the example of that.

Yes.

Rise and Fall must be studied.

I really do feel that way.

I love to read like the long, long magazine piece about what happened with that.

We've discussed this quite a bit.

You've done it three times.

Judd.

That's right.

Judd discussed it with us.

Yeah.

I got to send you,

there's a guy on TikTok who just talks about the rise and falls of businesses, and it's a pretty long video that he does.

The LA in a Minute guy?

No, it's not Los Angeles specific.

Okay.

But he just did

Prime, the drink.

Oh, that already fell.

So it was, so last year it did like 1.1 billion, and now it's like doing half as much this year.

And he went into why, but he also did like Rite Aid and like what their whole.

I should find the handle chat.

I sent it to the stores, guys, because I was like,

so, um,

this is so interesting to me.

And I, it's always sort of the same story in a way, where it's like, there's venture capital money and they take on too much debt and it's eating away that story, yeah.

But it's also, there are also marketing mistakes and there's also whatever, COVID happened, or like for a lot of retail things, it's like Amazon and like, but uh.

I agree with you about Umami Burger, and I'm sure there's like some bullet points we've seen before, but there must be a specific thing that happened with them.

And that went through the stage that we were all living here for, where in the first two years of it, everyone was talking about this fucking burger.

You got an umami burger.

Yes, yes.

Some could say that the burger boom happened because of Umami.

I would say that.

You go back and read what people in like the New Yorker and GQ were writing about this burger, it's like embarrassing.

Like how people were just like foaming at the mouth over this thing.

But that, you know, then they opened the place in Dubai and it becomes like a, you know, and it, like a franchise that now like only exists at LAX and then in Ghost Kitchens.

I feel like Alfred kind of showed up like 75% of the way along the Umami

trajectory.

Yes, right.

And they do have a Dubai store.

It was like their 10th location.

Yeah.

They have two stores in Dubai now.

Yes.

And so like

the fact that I'm sorry, Kuwait is where Alfred's located.

I think they have one in Kuwait and one in Dubai, maybe.

But they,

not to outhost you on your own show.

They,

I feel like

because, like, I don't know what the core is.

The coffee isn't the thing because they get that from somewhere else.

There's the syrup, whatever.

You know, you can walk in and get something totally satisfactory there.

Like, whatever it is.

The pastry, the sandwich, like, whatever, it's fine.

But

to me, I think it is a two,

not because the product itself is bad,

but I just feel

sold to in a way that is not as appealing to me as a consumer.

I love what you're saying, you know, and I love what you've done for the city.

Hey, is that true?

So much, Mitch.

I try to.

I'm not enough to donate anytime I've asked you.

I have donated before, for God's sakes.

Well, it's public record.

Check the records.

This guy'll see my name on there.

This guy's name is Michael Girdley.

This is one of him doing dick sporting goods.

But he did a pizza hut one that I'm sure shares some stuff with Umami Burger.

And one thing was like,

I don't think of Umami Burger as being a place that you ordered delivery from very much.

No.

It was a sit-down dining experience.

Yes, it was, for sure.

But that declined so rapidly.

Yes, that's also true.

And that, and so a lot of restaurants got killed by that because I think that the places that were really set up and got in early on like whatever, the Postmates thing or whatever, but like there, and then especially when COVID happened and no one went to sit-down restaurants, if you weren't already a place that people ordered takeout from,

then it was like

your margins just got.

crushed.

Umami, it felt like was declining prior to the pandemic, though.

It wasn't.

I do think that's what happened.

if if they had been just kind of getting started i think of like whatever pine and crane is a chain that like is a good sit-down place but you can also get delivery from there like i think we would have been ordering umami burgers like the window is another it's like the window yeah does insane uh business it's like you know ruined the parking in that whole area because their their delivery business that they do you could have done that with umami it was just basically cooked by that yeah no yeah

It was over.

Yeah.

And I think that people had just turned on it.

But Wags, what are we as a country?

What do we want?

You know,

what have we become?

That's a big question.

And

on the anniversary of a tragic day here,

I'm glad you referenced September 11th.

I was waiting for that to come up the day this episode's released.

On the anniversary of a tragic day, a lot of these restaurants,

just when I think about a mom-and-pop restaurant that that makes it, even when I think about tender greens, which I like tender greens, and I really liked tender greens back in the day.

Yeah.

And then to become it, see it become corporatized.

And

now, do people, what do people think of tender greens?

Do people like tender greens?

It's got a bad reputation in like writer's rooms for sure.

Yes.

Overordered and nobody wanted it anymore.

I still don't really have a problem with it.

I have no problem with that.

I'm still going to eat it.

The last two times I got tender greens, I got like diarrhea immediately.

But I don't know, like, again, I don't know if that's that's necessarily foodborne illness.

Way and can you name a restaurant that you haven't had diarrhea immediately after either?

It's like the common factor may not be tender greens, baby Nick Wagger.

I had a four-day stretch of diarrhea recently, like, it's just like it was, like, I was just like, I can't believe that.

And I was like, it was, I was like, if it's one more day, I'm go to the doctor.

And then thankfully it subsided.

But I was just like, I couldn't, I couldn't believe it.

Like, every day.

I just like was fucking every single meal.

I was just fucking sandblasting, just fucking walking hot, hot, fucking hot cocoa dispenser.

It was fucking nasty.

And I couldn't, I don't know what happened.

Like, I don't even know what triggered it.

I must have gotten, I must have gotten some sort of pathogen.

That's the only thing I can think of.

And it was just, my body was working through it because it didn't matter what I ate.

No matter how fibrous or how anxiety tummy?

Could have been an anxiety tummy.

Yeah, it could have been.

Maybe it was an anxiety tummy.

It could have been that.

It was real bad.

I'm happy that you're not.

My body connection is so underrated.

It's true.

Here's the thing with Alfred.

Yeah.

At least they're pretty honest about what they're trying to be right off the gate, it seems like.

They're trying to be some sort of fucking Instagram-y

business sort of model that they're doing here.

That could be why they layer the drinks.

Like

why it's presented that way.

It could be because you take a picture of the picture.

It's just like the visual element of it.

Well, Hayes,

they want you to take a picture of it.

They're more interested in how it looks for the Instagram or any of these.

Well, Hayes, I'm glad you say that because I open up Alfred's Instagram profile and it's Postmates Month and they got a drink here that's very Instagram.

Drink, yeah.

This matcha latte here.

And look, they have 150,000 followers, so I guess it's kind of working.

They're doing something right, yeah.

They're doing something right there, but I don't have 150,000 anything.

What is the end goal here?

Pathogens, perhaps.

Isn't the point that

we want to make good food?

We want to make a good coffee.

And now it's usually we're going to

sell out to a different place and then that will be the end of the restaurant at some point.

It's the umami model.

Yeah, I know.

You just build up, right, big enough to get, you know, be appealing enough to get scooped up by one of these big giant money companies.

And that's a bummer.

That's sad to me.

And for that reason,

I'm with Hayes here.

I'm going to go,

I liked, I think I did like my coffee more than

Phil's,

but I'm going to still go two forks.

Would you give Phil's?

I think two forks.

Wow.

Yeah.

I like Alfred in terms of coffee.

I don't like it as a brand.

I do find the whole, its whole, you know, vibe very obnoxious.

And, and, you know, it knows what it's trying to be, and it's not something that we're, it's not like a sort of place where I necessarily

like what it's given offer.

I feel comfortable there.

I feel much better at a place like Phil's and I like their wares a lot better.

And so I'm not going to review this place as well as that.

But I do think it does a decent cup of coffee.

I just, it feels like what you were talking about, Mitch, of like, hey, this, the end game is for this place to be

sold to, you know, what is private equity for 10 years there'll be one in the middle of the year.

We sold to Donald Trump.

Yeah, yeah.

But Donald Trump's going to buy it.

But I mean, it's also like i mean that's a you know i mean it's like we're we're being around the bush here like we're talking about like sold to this you know so-and-so it's just donald trump yeah but also it's gonna be it's gonna be trump for his dad's name was fred so that's true yes maybe it was even alfred i don't even like that part of it the the the they named it after the butler maybe you know what maybe batman should give alfred a coffee every so often and he's also said downgrade it yeah but coffee's so important to me and i do trust the cough i do like coffee if i see an Alfred as a coffee drinker and I want a cup of Joe, I know I can get a reliable one.

So I'm not going to go too low on this one.

But yeah, I don't know.

I just the whole thing is just kind of like, I feel like

even like as a Laker fan, the Clippers thing, I was like, all right, dude, come on.

You just try hard when they do that.

Yeah, make the jerk off motion for our audio listeners.

Nick's jerking off.

And so I'm going to go two and a half forks, two forks, two tines.

It's just like.

I attempted to jack off today.

I gave up.

Did you get winded?

What happened?

Yeah,

I was just kind of like, I don't want to do this.

And I kind of just pulled up my pants.

Did you not get hard?

No, I was for a second.

So you were hard.

You started jacking off.

But not totally hard.

No, no, you're not.

You were kind of letting me.

Never anymore.

Yeah.

Is it the, I mean,

the Lexapro.

Alexapro has the first thing in the morning, Lexapro?

Yeah.

Yeah, I got to take something from the, I got to take something with the Lexa Pro probably is the thing.

But, you know, for a minute, but that's how I feel about this thing.

I don't even care about jacking off.

You know what I'm saying?

I'm like, whatever.

It's not even, you know,

it's not even a completion.

You're just not even a completion.

It's a little bit like, all right, I'm done.

Yeah, that sucks.

Yeah.

Were you just using mental imagery, or did you get into like

a voice material?

I use some mental imagery.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

So a nice memory.

I was doing just a bit about ending the show earlier.

Yeah.

Now

I just want to be on record that I sincerely think that

you should stop doing the show.

I do.

Like it is.

I got a nice moisturized hog because of it, so that is a plus sign.

Oh, so you're using some lotion.

Oh, it's conventional hand lotion.

Oh, God.

I would have, if anybody got pegged for a dry guy, I would have said, Mitch,

that we're getting an extra step.

We're getting products involved.

I just wouldn't have seen it.

Avino, one of the best.

If you really, if you, if you're looking for one, Avino is a great lotion.

How does it mean?

Oh, like, you guys don't do it.

I mean,

yeah, I mean, absolutely.

I've masturbated.

But I'm with you, Mitch.

I'm kind of over it.

And like, yeah, it's the same sort of thing with the, you know,

this is how Mitch feels having a normal conversation.

How I feel right now.

What are you over?

Nervous.

I feel like there's nothing I could contribute that would be

additive.

Like,

I get it.

Do you feel like we're doing an Alfred episode and kind of like, what are we doing here?

Do you have that kind of how that feels?

Yes, but but that's not our, that's, that's Alfred's fault.

That's not our fault.

It is, but it is our fault, too.

Well, you picked it.

It's not, you're not out here just like kids.

Look what you've done.

He's about to quit the show.

I'm not quitting the show.

I'm just saying, like,

if I can contribute one thing, you say how much I've done for the city.

Like, I think my work is

unfinished until you end this.

You know, I think you

get

the dollars you spend are a vote.

you know what I mean?

Like, and like you bring to life the city that you invest in.

And that's why, I mean, part of it is this fucking Postmates thing.

It's like that's accelerating a version of life that is like where everyone is going to be living like you guys, where like you, like you just have it, you know, brought to you.

And like, you, you know, I don't use Postmates anymore.

I don't see anyone.

Yeah.

I don't use Postmates anymore.

I kicked off that app.

You got banned.

I got banned.

I think because I used the name top dog on there.

Oh, it merged with Uber.

Yeah, you had your Uber name was the top dog, and then you didn't change it, and then you can't get back on there.

So, what do you do for delivery now?

Uh,

DoorDash.

DoorDash, sure.

Oh, gross.

But there's a few Postmates exclusives, aren't there?

Alfred included.

Yeah.

You can't get it on DoorDash.

No.

Does Jersey Mics just within the app?

They do their own.

You can get it delivered just on the app with the Doctor.

But I think it is facilitated by DoorDash.

I think it's fulfilled by DoorDash.

If you order for the Jersey Mics app.

Did you, like, were you intending, or like, now's my time to jack off?

Or was was it kind of an impulsive, like to go back to the jacking off?

Yes, yeah.

Yeah, I was like, you know what?

I haven't done this in a minute.

I should probably get up and do this.

Yeah,

it's obvious.

Like, it wasn't a feeling of like desire.

It was like, yeah, I felt more like obligation.

It was like a normal thing.

Yeah, which could be this Lexapro thing.

But a minute is like, I don't know, a few days, four days, five days, or something.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah.

So I was like, you know,

I'll do this.

Maybe I'll do some laundry or something.

You know, I was like kind of doing a chore list.

Sure, right.

Yeah, you want to to put it through its paces.

You know,

actually give the laundry something to do.

You know what I mean?

Yeah.

What am I even washing off if I don't do this?

You've got to be the only one who works hard in this house.

That was our review of Alfred Coffee.

It's time for a segment.

We've got a food stuff we're going to say you should put in your mouth.

It's snack or whack.

And Amelia, rather, I'm sorry.

We've got these.

These are the Stranger Things Chippahoys.

Is this correct?

That's right.

This is the Stranger Things Chippahoy Cole Lab.

These are chewy chip ahoy's.

These are strawberry-flavored filling.

Strawberry-flavored filling.

That's right.

These are, these are, like, look, I do say, I will say, I like the colorway, at least on the packaging, which is like a

dark cookie.

He is saying it wrong.

Right.

It's not the Attorney's General rules.

Yes.

It is a

singular is a chips ahoy cookie,

but I do say chip ahoy.

In the same way, some people say cheez-its for a plural of cheez-it, but it's actually, there is no plural cheese-its in there.

It's a cheez-it chip it.

It's a chip-ah-hoys.

It wouldn't be Chipahois.

Or Cheez-It crackers.

All right, here we go.

I'm going to take a couple of these.

Who are you more mad at?

Me or why?

Because I can't tell.

I think you enable each other at this point.

It's not either of you as an individual.

It's as a pair.

You're not mad at anyone.

I'm having a good time.

These look nothing like the packaging.

He's actually looked tight.

I think he said he had a good time.

Disgusting.

You know what I mean?

Wow.

So before I take a bite.

Yeah.

Is this thing going to send me to the upside down?

I'm not going to end up in the upside down, am I?

Save me, 11.

I don't watch Stranger Things.

I watched the first season.

I'm going to take a bite of this.

Hmm.

I mean,

speaking of dry guys.

This is a big-time dry guy.

Really dry.

This sucks.

I expected this to be like, it says strawberry filling.

Where's the gooey?

The ooey gooey strawberry inside.

I don't know if there's like strawberry chips.

It's a wait.

It says strawberry chips, but there's supposed to be a filling.

No, there is a filling element.

I can see it here.

Yeah.

I can see it.

But it is a sort of powdery.

I didn't want it before,

but I took a bite because I'm on the show.

I don't eat this crap.

I mean, the second one.

This is real fucking bad.

These fucking suck.

These are horrible.

Is this what a chips ahoy

consistency is like now?

Or like their chewy version, maybe?

Because I hope not.

That's not what I remember a chips ahoy cookie tasting like.

I hope that that's not what they taste like.

Now,

those are downright horrible.

These are also small.

And they're just like falling apart.

Bigger, right?

They're horrible.

They're way fucking smaller.

Yes, to answer the texture question, that is my memory of what a chewy Chip Ahoy was always like.

Really?

Yeah.

But it's a little bit, but it's like, actually, you know, I remember the beat too.

This is a little, yeah, it's a little cakier and

more chalky.

You know, Netflix's Stranger Things right on the package.

Netflix, the Alfred coffee of entertainment.

I guarantee, like, Alfred and Stranger Things, I'm sure have done a collab at some point.

But like, this is, this is, this could be, like, look, the coloring is great, I will say.

Like, it looks like, hey, that looks like a fun, sort of inverted, you know, upside down, if you will, chips away cookie.

And I like the spirit of having that strawberry filling.

Just the actual execution.

It tastes like shit.

The texture is bad.

And then there's no, like,

you want some sort of moisture inside of it.

It's kind of like chewing on sawdust.

Yeah, it's really fucking horrible.

That was beneath my lowest expectations.

It's a big-time whack.

It tastes like Play-Doh.

It does taste like Play-Doh, but not a good one.

That's a good point.

That's meant to impete.

It does seem like it's made out of Play-Doh.

Absolutely.

With the soft batch Keebler cookies, those are way better i haven't had one of those in 20 years but

this may seem intense but i think the duffers should be fed those until they die

uh wax all around i assume i don't think anyone's gonna

stump for these massive whack massive whack yeah massive whack

uh just like a restaurant buyer feedback let's hope with a feedback today's email is from billy from north carolina billy writes i just saw a mcdonald's commercial featuring ronald mcdonald for the first time in a long time.

He's back.

Now that Ronald's banishment from promoting McDonald's has been lifted, are there any other fast food mascots you'd like to see brought back from exile besides Subway Jared?

We all know your stance on him.

How about any mascots you'd like to see struck from commercials for the time being?

Praise be to the burger clown.

Thanks, Billy.

The burger clown?

I think he's referring to Ronald McDonald as the burger clown.

Oh, got it.

Is there a, I just like, like, this is the problem.

It's like, who are the other exiled mascots?

Can you think off the top of your head?

Jared is the big one, and we do not want Jared back.

No, sure.

But like,

it's just like, I'm trying to think of who else has been taken out of the limelight in the same way that Ronald was.

What about he doth protest too much situation with the droid thing, right?

The Noid?

Yeah, the Annoyed.

The Noid is a fun one.

That's a great.

But don't they bring him back every couple years?

They brought him back fairly recently.

We all know what happened with the Noid, yes.

Yes, we all know what happened with the Noid.

A man went crazy because of it.

It was very sad.

I thought it was about him right yes so it was noid spec they do yeah they bring back the noid now and then

but i would say i haven't seen jared in a while

subways jared oh no yeah no we not

we did we

give you another chance i think to say you don't like it i i i mean i do not want jared back emmo is doing something else okay

i wouldn't um

well i wouldn't mind seeing the burger king kids club come i was just about to say they were a lot of fun

that that could be fun i i

so many mascots are gone because the they just don't advertise on tv anymore like i immediately think i know this isn't fast food but it's food but like the honeycomb monster who i love yeah they love that guy what about the um

and i i don't even necessarily want to see him but how about the little quiznose sock monkeys Yeah, they had a moment.

It feels like the nostalgia, you know, cycle has maybe gone back to what we'd like to see from those guys again.

And Quiznos could usually certainly use a shot in the arm.

Maybe they could sing a song, you know like song was fun yeah we love the subs yeah yeah that was that was i think that was a lot of fun i'm a big fan of the jolly bee these days but i think the jolly bee is getting in more than enough screen like

i guess i was just like screen time well i would just like like he's he's kind of you know what he has his own ipad he gets to use

maybe not enough screen time i should say maybe they should have some more family brained some more like like commercial advertisements in the states pushing the jolly bee you know like like because i i just feel like yeah you see him in his signage and you see him uh you see the embodiment of him, but like, I don't know, I know Jolly Beast's personality, but he's a lot of fun.

I think that they could, like,

AI Madden back into some Chunky Campbell soup commercials.

I think that would be fun.

Was Madden ever in the Chunky Soup?

Oh, yes, of course.

Oh, wow.

I don't remember that.

Absolutely.

I just remember when they used to have like Donovan McNabb in them.

Oh, those are...

That's fun.

Bring back those.

I don't want any AI dead people into anything.

They're trying to, this is like targeted at you.

They're trying to replace Danny DeVito at your beloved Jersey Mike's.

Really?

You know who they're trying to replace him with?

Your enemy.

Eli Manning.

Wow.

Ugh.

That's sick.

Danny DeVito doesn't like it any more than you do.

He's actually snuck his way into the ads to protest him.

Try to get him.

Yeah, that they're giving Eli Manning.

So this is the world of the ads.

Danny DeVito is upset.

He's pissed off, yeah.

And we're not sure if this is written in the ad or if he actually has snuck into the off me.

I don't think they would do something like invite

the former representative to come shit on the new one.

Right.

Like that, you know, as a campaign, that doesn't matter.

That's a good point.

As we talk about all these football figures,

do you guys want to hear my impression of Bill Simmons' impression of some of the announcers

that do the football games?

Okay.

Let's do Tony Romo first.

Okay.

This is Bill Simmons.

Let's do Bill Simmons doing Tony Roo Roo Roo Rising Romans.

Bill Simmons doing Tony Romo.

I got to get it more nasal than it would be.

I don't know, Jim.

Wait, let me get it more nasal.

I don't know, Jim.

This is the game right here, Jim.

Jim?

Jim?

Keep your eye on.

Keep your eye on this guy right here.

And then here's Collinsworth, who he does a lot more.

You talk about a guy.

It's really close to Robo, actually.

You talk about a guy.

I mean, are you kidding me?

I sat down with him, and this is a guy who just loves to play football.

I got a chance to sit down with him, and he told me, man, when he's on that field, that's his happy place.

He loves playing football.

He really gears up for those impressions on the show.

He's having fun doing them.

I like it.

I think that your impression is better than Bill.

I think your impression of what I'm saying is that's not really Bill doing.

I lost Bill in the Collinsworth a little bit.

Yeah, I heard Collinsworth.

I heard him in the 101.

Yeah.

It's got you talk about a cat.

It's got to be a little more.

You talk about a.

Yeah.

Wager does a famous

Simmons impression as well.

Yeah.

If you have a question or comment about the world of chain restaurants, you can email us at feedback at birdfuck.com or leave us a voice, Melody 30Godo.

That's 83046-36844.

Our producers, Emma Erdbrick, associate producers, Amelia Marino, our video editor is Mike Dorfman, Doughboys Apparel and Merchandise at kinshipgoods.com slash Doughboys.

And the Dough Boys Double Weekly bonus episode, plus our entire pre-2018 back catalog at patreon.com/slash Doughboys.

Sean Clements, Hayes Davenport, Hollywood Handbook, the flagrant ones.

Plug away, please.

And thank you so much for coming back.

We'll make it sooner next time.

That is my pledge.

That's coming for me.

That's coming for me.

It's not an abstract thing.

We'll have you back real soon.

Thanks, guys.

Thank you.

If you want, though, but also we appreciate you.

I want to come back if the show's still going.

If the show's still going, we'll definitely have you back.

I'd love to come back.

Very soon.

We're going to be back in the next calendar year.

You know, even if we're in the next calendar year, and if the show is ending sooner than that, we'll have you back before then.

Maybe

not back at least once before the show ends.

You're sent us up for some plugs.

Can I make a request then?

I wrote this movie.

The movie's called The Dink.

We filmed it.

They sold it to Apple.

We sold it.

I'm

part of that team.

We don't have a release date yet.

I think it's going to be sometime

next year.

And

maybe when it comes out,

I could come back on the show.

We could talk about the movie.

I would love that.

We'd love that.

That would be great.

I'd appreciate that too.

Hey, maybe the dink review, the dunk.

Hey,

that's really cool.

The dunk for the dink.

Yeah.

Well, and Hollywood Handbook and the flagrant ones.

People should

have our listeners check out the show already, but if you haven't,

these guys are funny.

It's a great baseball show now that we also do.

Yeah, they're doing a great baseball show.

And the playoffs coming up with whatever you want.

Red Sox looking like they're going to sneak in there.

They're going to sneak in there.

I don't know exactly what kind of run we're going to have, but yeah,

it'll be fun.

Let's have fun.

What's the URL where people can get everything?

Patreon.com slash Hollywood Handbook.

Like, I don't know.

Yeah, it's called Hollywood Handbook and Friends now is the name of the Patreon.

What kind of business is this?

What's your

showboard?

Yeah, it is.

Or birdfuck.com.

Wow.

And so you have a special URL that takes you right to the Patreon?

Yeah, we do.

No, we need something like that.

Wow.

So it's called Hollywood Handbook and Friends now,

the name of the Patreon.

Yeah, it used to be patreon.com/slash the flagrant ones, I think.

Maybe.

Yeah.

We love the boys.

We actually must be really good at this.

We love the dough, boys.

Wow.

And it's given us so much content over the years to be mad at how your show is more popular than us.

It's really become, even when it's not you, it is you.

Like,

we're that we're angry at, and it's really focused our energy in a really great way.

We're glad that we could bring you guys together in a way.

Yeah, I mean, we were already

at first, yeah, but pretty quickly we did become just like a simulacra of what you guys are doing.

Like we exist

in

the shadow, just in an imitation of your work,

which is why, I mean, I'm happy to just like join hands on this and like suicide-packed it.

Like we all,

we all shut it down.

I'm in.

this is unfair to me specifically.

You all can do other stuff.

You have me at Suicide Pact.

Let's go.

That'll do it for this episode of Dough Boys.

Until next time, for the Spoon Man, Mike Mitchell, I'm Tiger Wager.

Happy Eating.

See ya.

That was a Hitgum podcast.