Deluca's Italian Deli with Alana Hope Levinson and Dan O'Sullivan

This is a head gum podcast.

Want to watch this episode? Check it out on our YouTube channel by going to youtube.com/slash Doughboys Media.

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Two of the three most destructive wildfires in California history happened in January of 2025.

As the twin Eaton and Palisades fires raged over neighborhoods on different geographic ends of Los Angeles, raising thousands of homes and blanketing the city with smoke and ash, the man-made crisis of climate change was joined by another grim feature of our boring dystopia.

privatization of once public services. With the homes and businesses of LA's billionaires and mere centimillionaires under threat, privatized firefighters rallied to the rescue.
Their rescue.

And the most visible of these mercenary brigades were those hired by LA shopping center magnate and failed 2022 mayoral candidate Rick Caruso.

Caruso's crew, shipped in from Arizona, focused their efforts on protecting his high-end mall, Palisades Village.

The successful end result left a surreal landscape where surrounding properties were scoured, but the retail complex, which houses a Brandy Melville, a Lululemon, and an Erewhon, emerged largely unscathed, though it won't officially reopen until next year.

Caruso and others' usage of privatized firefighters was so controversial it prompted a bill from the California State Assembly restricting private firefighters from using public hydrants, though those employed by Caruso shipped in their own water trucks.

Still, like his Republican and everything but name mayoral run, the incident tainted the reputation of the man behind the wildly successful and sadly kind of awesome shopping centers The Grove and the American brand.

And leveraging his retail empire, Caruso has also wed his beak in the restaurant industry, partnering with chef Tancredi DeLuca of beloved local Tritoria Amichi to open an Italian deli concept built for LA malls with a location at the Americana itself.

So next time fires hit, we know at least one LA area deli will be protected. This week on Doughboys, DeLuca's Italian Deli.

Welcome to Doughboys, the podcast about chain restaurants. I'm Tiger Weiger, along with my co-host,

the Fudruckers proxy,

the Spoon Man Mike Mitchell. All right.

Just about to dive into the blank check Hudsucker proxy app and thought of this roast. Thanks.
Love you guys. Lucia F, roast at birdfuck.com.
We had a lot of fun guesting on that.

You're about to jump into the podcast,

but before you did, you had to send off the roast of me. What?

The emailer. They were about to listen to the podcast, but instead,

they had to write this email of roasting me. I thought you were talking about me.
I was like, Yeah, that's why we start every episode. No, what are you talking about, you fool?

I know you do the roast up top. Yeah, that's why I was disoriented.

Well, reorient yourself. I'm trying, Mitch.
I'm trying. Now that I get context for what you were trying to convey, yes, you were saying this, this Lucha.
You need some reorientation, Wags. Get

Can we get a head gum exec in here?

What? Is anyone who works at headgum still here? No one's here. Oh, weird.
Weird. Strange.
I haven't seen someone in this office in weeks. I think flies have just taken over the building.

There's a lot of flies in the building. I think the fly, I think, did, did, was this a telepod situation? Is that you're saying that? Did Marty Michael go through the telepod with a...

Damn, there's going to be one good-looking fly on the other end of it. That fly's fine as fuck.

I upped my Lexapro today. Hey, how about that? I upped my dosage recently.
Oh, shit. Yeah.
What was your dosage? No, don't worry about it.

Two blue chews per day.

It ain't working.

Let me tell you, with that Lexapro, nothing's going on out here. I'm feeling great about it.
I don't care. Yeah, sure.

What do you need that for? Yeah, let's get it rid of it. Turn me into a ken doll castrate me that part of our lives is over turn me

leave that in the past if i if i could if i could get the body of ken and and and the genitals of ken i think i'd take it i've waited getting chemically castrated just to see what it feels like you know what i'll do it for you should we do it for the should we do it for a patreon episode i'll do it all right great

uh i 100

uh donkey conversation let me text my wife let me text my wife yeah she's cool with it

just for a pack do it?

I opened my text messages. It's from her.
Hey, have you thought about getting chemically patron?

I bought the chemicals. Funny enough.

I'm up on the Lexa Pro. I 100% a Donkey Kong Bonanza.
Congratulations. How exciting.

I will never do that.

I started taking, I upped Lex

after I was done with Donkey Kong Bonanza. I was sad.
I was too sad.

I feel like our guest is having an an allergic reaction.

Are you okay, Dan? It's the hardest I've laughed. I'm, I feel like such a kiss ass, but I'm just laughing.
Like, yeah, I don't make you laugh like that.

We have to have a conversation about you. Need to be talking about chemical castration a lot more on our.

I was just waiting for you to ask. Yeah, right.
This is one of my favorite topics. It's a gift to the Magi situation.
We'll get into it. Wages and I are going through it.

We're going through some things. I was like, you know, I've been, I've been,

I already told Emma and Amelia, we're not getting dark Weiger here. That was, they can stay behind the paywall, but I've been dealing with

what's happening. Sounds cool.
I mean, Dark Weiger is pretty cool. Yeah, you know, he's for the Patreon episodes.

I've been, you know, I've been dealing with major depression and I've been trying to do things I enjoy, which is not helping, but I'm trying it.

But I was working from home today at my job, so I got to take the choo-choo into work. I was like, hey, I love taking the train.
I love not having to drive. So I took the train.

I was like, oh, this is great. I'm taking the train.
And then immediately the guy from the adjacent, a guy from the adjacent car just starts going,

doesn't that? I thought it was a dog at first. No, it was a man.
Look at Jimmy.

Jimmy's reacting.

And I say, put that guy at the front of the train. People will know the train's coming.

You're hiring. Strap him to the front.

No, but it's one of those things of like, oh, yeah, that's what this experience.

You know, very often you're writing public transit and there are people who are maybe going through some stuff. Yeah.
You know what?

God bless that guy. I hope that he figures out everything.
But you're doing all right. Yeah,

we're hanging in there. You're not making whooping sounds that often.
That's true. Not yet, at least.
It's my least favorite sibling on Frasier.

I have no idea what you're talking about. It's okay.
Yeah. It wasn't good.
But they got it. I liked it.
I liked it.

Did you take the dark rail or light rail? This could be a part of the problem. Oh, here's the thing, Mitch.
Dark rail?

Well, yeah, I was trying to take the light rail, you know, the expo line over from

the west side. No, I ended up taking the dark rail.
The dark rail.

That's your problem.

Yeah. You would have a much better day if it was the light rail.
I should have taken the light rail. I got to check which train is arriving.

The dark rail has like the

Midnight Meat Express. What the fuck is it called? My train.
Midnight Meat Train. This doesn't seem to be going over as well as the chemical castration stuff.

The producers showing more castration like in the sidelines.

The live lights are here pulling the strings over there behind the dais just telling us what to say. The light rail has Polar Express, Dark Rail has Krampus Express, as we've talked about before.

I pitched Krampus Express for a while. My issue with Krampus Express, it does not exist as a standalone IP.
It has to be a spin-off of Polar Express. Mitch is saying it stands on its own two feet.

I don't see it. Its own two cloven hooves, more like with that guy.
Come on, I mean, come on. But your context for Krampus Express is Polar Express.

People online, someone was like, like, was like, actually, Polar Express has only existed for like 50 years, and Krampus has existed for, you know, I mean, I guess in reality, millennia.

I mean, well, look, Sucker was a fair rule. Also, congrats to Raider Nation.

Your Raider Nation beat my Patriots in the first.

Very exciting. Are you a Patriots fan? I was until they became so evil I could not.

And it is possible. No, no, no.
No, no. There's an intervention occurring here, which is it is possible to, you know, I'd actually, they've turned the corner a little bit.

The Dark Lords have sort of moved on for the most part. What was the moment for you? It was the MAGA hat in the locker, Tom Brady locker.
I was like, I'm done. Thank you.

I'll go root for the Bears and they just suck and no one's ever going to care. And, you know,

do me a favor. Don't look at my head gum locker.

Wasn't his explanation for that, though? He was just holding on to it for

Robert Kraft while he got jacked off.

I don't want to get calm on my hack. I mean, come on, Tom.
Yeah. Didn't he? Wasn't he dating his daughter at that point or something?

Was that it? Or what? I forget what was going on.

I think we would have known more about him dating his own daughter. No.

Brady was dating Trump's daughter. Got it.
Got it. Yeah.
Yeah.

You've never dated his daughter. Jesus Christ.

He kissed his son, normally. That's true, yeah.
Oh, come on.

You know about that. Kissing your dad.
I kissed my dad on the lips every so often. It's cool to kiss your dad.
Yeah, why not? Yeah.

No. You know, I owe him.
You can lose some tongue. Yeah, you should.
You should have. He had a birthday.
Happy birthday, Mr. Wiger.
How about that? Give him a little kiss. Give him one from me.

God. To the spoon, man.
Yeah, no, no. I had to do it myself.

Alana, did you want to? Men are like

chemical castration. come on a MAGA hat,

kissing your dad.

Well, you didn't let us go off on the dark trail. Yeah, you guys didn't let us go off on the dark trail.

Wait a minute. It was not us.
I wanted to ask, for instance, on the Krampus Express, what do they serve?

Subway. Okay.

That's really good. Yeah.

Thin Jared rides the

dark line, and fat Jared is on the light rail. Because we all know fat Jared is innocent.
Wait a minute. So fat Jared.
So did losing the weight from Subway turn him into a pedophile? I think yes.

Okay. Yeah.
He was just because before that, he was. He was killing himself.
He was just a guy with

a stash of pornography. He rented out of his dorm.
Yeah.

And then.

It is the truth that people who lose weight often become very obnoxious. Like

as a big man, I've seen big people lose weight and they become obnoxious. Sure.
When I lost weight in college and I didn't handle it well because I didn't know how to deal with it.

Mitch, let me say from,

you know, Fan Nation, you're looking pretty good there, bro. Oh, you know?

Yeah. It doesn't, that powerful thing doesn't happen to people who lose weight.
I didn't say that. I mean, just to be clear.
Okay.

It happened with Jared. Fat Jared, great guy.
We would have fat Jared on the pod. Thin Jared.
No, no, no, no, no. I didn't say that.

Do you, you, you, did you, were you, were you always, were you a thin person always? Oh, I lost a lot of weight over the past few years. Wow.

I don't say that, like, like, it was just, I had to do it.

I guess I didn't have to do it, but I had to do it. And it is funny how, you know,

people

do treat you differently.

And the other thing is, like, you mentioned changes. Like, I got an interesting thing.
A lot of people get a gastric bypass and they become alcoholics. Oh, interesting.
Like, they just switch.

So there's a lot of interesting things like that that sometimes happen. But I think I lost 70 or so pounds.

Oh, congratulations. That's fantastic.

Yeah. I mean, but here's the thing.
Like, when you're a tall guy, it doesn't.

It doesn't register as much. Or, like, you know, they don't, it's just different.
I don't know why. Yeah, I know.
I agree with that. Yeah.
Because you're a tall drink of water.

Are you taller than Mitch? How tall are you, Mitch? I'm about 6'3. I'm 6'3 ⁇ , 6'4 ⁇ .
Yeah. Yeah,

I think you're a little bit taller than me. Yeah, somewhere around there.
I'm like just at 6'3. But I don't want to say I'm 6'2 and whatever.

No, bump it up. Just round up.
Yeah, I'm fine.

We all know that that's what you guys do. Every guy does.
Add a couple inches.

I used to knock out,

too. Yeah, definitely down south.
For sure. I got to at least add one inch.

Two inches.

Look,

I don't need that stuff. We talked about it.
We don't need that. We don't need that.
We don't need it. This is, I think this is the year we all get chemically castrated.

Guys, by prom, we got to all be chemically castrated.

That would be so awesome. Let's just do it.
Yeah. Let's just fuck it.
We don't ball, I guess. You know?

What happens?

I'm looking at Nick for this. What happens in a chemical castration? Do they burn? You're going to say crap.

Chemical crap station. Yeah.
That's the next step.

Stop shitting.

You got to have some joy. Yeah, you got to have something.

I think the,

I don't, I mean, like, it's, it's a reversible thing, right? It's like, it's like drugs that you take. Is that what happens?

Yeah, you can stop taking it at a certain point and then everything comes back to semi-normal, I believe.

It's like an ongoing, it's like taking immunosuppressants after you get a transplant. It's like a thing you have to keep doing, I think.

When you said you got to have some fun, when you get chemical castrated, it's like taking a shit. Like, does that like equal? All right, this is disgusting.
I don't want to go, just play your drop.

This is fucking gross.

I was just looking up if you could reverse chemical castration for you.

I was just wondering. You can.

Here you're in the Doughboys bathroom. You're like, oh, about receiving orgasmic pleasure from

dropping a load.

Shooting a load, not dropping one.

Sick fuck.

I need to talk about it. It's funny to think of you getting off on taking a shit.

I find it,

I want to wretch.

But if you think about it, it's interesting. Okay.
It is. You have Mitch's interesting.
Thank you. Thank you.
Thank you, Amelia.

Sorry to our guests. The podcast is disgusting.

I don't know if you guys knew that. I'm disgusting.

I'm on board with this. I was the one weeping at the chemical castration talk.

Alana is being ambushed like Joe Pesci and Goodfellas right now.

You had no idea that this is the type of stuff that we discuss on this show. We did come in pretty hot.
Yeah.

Look, look.

Oh, shit. The wall is falling.

What?

Part of the wall just fell off.

I'm not lying. The sound proof is.
Yeah, it's a soundbrook. Probably a new fly nest.

The flies coming out of the wall. That buzzing we heard in the wall a few months ago, I think Amelia was right about the flies.
I was right. I think you maybe were right about the flies in the wall.

I'm shocked.

You're certainly right about the headgum offices being awfully vacant because we record on Fridays. Yeah.
And it's like Tumbleweed. It's a good day.
Going by. Yeah.
Yeah.

Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday.

Friday's freeform Friday where you can come into the office if you want to, I think. And then they don't.

I think the headgum employees always have three-day weekends, I believe. Is that true, Wags?

Yeah, I mean, there's that janitor who works here who is always like, Oh, no one's worked at Headgum for 30 years.

And then you look away and look back, and he's gone. Yeah, he's real sneaky.
Yeah, I should get a real job, huh?

Yeah, you should. Should I get my shit? No,

no, I have a real job. Oh, you do have a real job.

Yeah.

Dude, we don't want to tell.

Can you talk about what it is? I'm talking about it. Yeah.
Yeah. Well, first, let me hit him with a drop.
Okay. And then I'm going to think of a job I will do in the meantime.
Okay. Okay.

I used to get pizza all the time for lunch. I'd get two pizzas and two chocolate milk.
Two pizzas and two chocolate milk. Two pizzas and two chocolate milks every fucking day for lunch.

Two pizzas and two chocolate milk. Two pizzas and two chocolate milk.
Two pizzas and two chocolate milks every fucking day for lunch. There are people who are jacking off to this.

That's pretty good. That was good.
That was pretty good.

That was a wild ride. It also kind of summed.
We should have had you listen to the drop first. It would have kind of summed up the podcast.

That was my lunch most days in seventh grade. Yeah, I get two pizzas and two chocolate milks.
I've come up with a regular job for me. Yeah, what's that? Cop.

You know what? I can see it.

Yeah. Maybe a mall cop.

Like Paul Blart, which also

was filmed in the South Shore Plaza in Massachusetts, Brake Tree, Massachusetts, which was my mall when I was growing up.

Dude, I can absolutely see Paul Blart III.

Oh, man. If I took over the Blart franchise,

time for the direct-to-video recasting. Get Mike Mitchell in there.

We're going to need a bigger segue.

Jesus, Kevin Smith is huge.

Is that Kevin Smith? Oh, Kevin James.

Kevin James. Oh, poor Kevin Smith.
Kevin Smith is not. He's looking good.
She looks good. Yeah.
But the big jeans being lowered in honor, you know, or hung up in the rafters. Yeah.

Cop, you know,

I actually did. You know this.
I went in for, like, I was going to become a cop. And then

I had like my first training day, and it was like crazy. It was out of control.
Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah.
I heard about this training day.

They had me smoke crack, and then like they left me at this guy's house to get killed. Yeah, geez.
Yeah. So it was, yeah, it was a little out of control.

Glad you made it out in one. Thank you.
Yeah. Thank you.
Yeah. That was a cool training day.
All right.

Hey, DK and everyone. A meme of chocolate milk and cafeteria pizza popped up in

a meme of chocolate milk and cafeteria pizza popped up on my feed as I listened to Weiger mentioning that exact meal. Wow.
Spooky. I took that as a sign, and here I am, and there that was.

Count Dropula. Thanks, Count Dropula.
We like Count Dropula. Does a great job.

Hey, we're very excited to welcome our guests to the show. They've been sitting here for far too long.
They host The Outfit, a new Head Gum podcast.

They were disgusted by what we were doing. Yeah, it's true.

And

they host The Outfit, a podcast right here on Head Gum about the mafia and how it explains America. Alana Hope Levinson and Dan O'Sullivan.
Alana, Dan, thank you both so much. Oh, please.
Thank you.

How are you doing?

Let's talk about the mafia because that is your focus, the focus of your podcast. Like, why the fascination with the mafia? Why does this become the topic for

this ongoing show? Well, you have a, I mean, you have a personal.

You're connected, as they say. That's a term.
I don't know if you, you know, understand what that means. Okay.

You might be exaggerating a little bit. I am exaggerating,

but why not? Why didn't we lie more? We should have lied more. Who's going to check? I killed a guy.
Yes. Oh, my God.
Wow. Yeah.

It was that same training day, in fact.

Yeah, the the guy in the chair. It was the guy in the bathtub or whatever.
Yeah.

I just did re-watch Training Day. That's why I went on that little tangent.

What provoked that? What inspired that?

Rewatching it? It was on. Okay.

So

I just watched that. And I watched the

bathtub scene, which is a big, that's a big, that is a big moment.

They're talking about getting

your shit pushed in, and then they go to the tub and they almost shoot the guy.

William Howard Taft is stuck in the bathtub, the president.

They have to get him out of the bathtub. It's a great scene.
Yeah.

I don't know how I feel about Training Day.

I didn't re-watch the whole thing, but that scene was still effective. I remember liking it.
You know, it would be cool if they did a sequel and at the beginning he goes, here we go again.

Sorry. So you're, so wait, so you have, you're connected to somebody.
She's connected. Wow, okay.
Right. Wouldn't you say? Sure, sure.
I mean, there's both half Jewish, half Italian.

On both sides, there's some family lore about you. Wow.

You're a Tatino's pizza bagel.

Exactly, exactly.

And Dan is just obsessed, autistically obsessed. Okay, that's a hard A.

You know, that's

leaning right on that.

No, I, you know, I wrote about the mafia a bit. I wrote a story about a Chicago mobster who was the only Japanese-American member of the mob

and always was really interested in it. And I grew up on Long Island.

My dad, I've told this story on the pod that my dad was a telephone lineman and at one point and worked these mob neighborhoods and at one point got pulled down from his bucket by these mobsters who thought he was a cop undercover, FBI guy undercover.

Whoa.

But then, you know, one day he went back up and found a bug in the in the exchange box, so closed it up and went on his way. So like a listening bug, not like a headgumb.

No, it was, it was a headgum. It was recording Tim Baltz.
It was really a good episode, actually.

It's a little bit like a mafia around here, too. Yeah.
You're going to give them an offer they can't refuse. 20% off magic spoon.

That's convincing. Yeah.
I got to say.

So you mentioned you're from Long Island, but you're also from everywhere because you lived in Maine, you lived in Chicago, you've spent some time in a few different cities. I have

and you know, my enemies who are many like saying I'm from everywhere and I steal valor from everywhere, which is true. Yes.
Right. But that's the that's the point, you know?

You don't want to be shoehorned in as being just from Boston or Quincy or someplace like that, you know? That's pretty good.

No, but yeah. So it's, and, you know, all those places have good, good mob stuff.
Right. We've done episodes all around the country, all around the world, right?

Yeah,

because a lot of the Irish mob.

Well, we're, I'm, I'm an adherent to the Conor O'Malley, and we got to talk about this: the Connor O'Malley idea to bring back the Irish mob. Oh, okay, yeah.
And let's

do this, you know. Let's, I mean, what's your mob name, Mitch? Well, my name is Mike Mitchell.
I feel like it's very close to being a

yellow MM.

yeah, yellow MM.

So, does that make you? Is it the red one? Is the other MM? I guess it'd be the red one, yeah. Yeah, the red MM.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. The wise talking red.
I'd rather be the green one.

Was one of them the green one's sexy? I know. Well, the green one is sexy as hell.
So you'd be the green one. I'm the green one.
And is there another one? Like, is there another shitty one I can be?

I feel like the blue, the brown one shows up sometimes. Yeah.

I'm there to make sure Van Halen's tour goes okay, I guess.

Yeah. Yeah, we could, we'd,

we, we, we, we could restart the Irish mob over on this other couch there with Jemmy

because you are, you are Irish. You have family in Ireland.
Admit, you've also visited Ireland. Uh,

I was 100% Irish on

history at one point. And that's 100? Yeah.
That's that's even more. I'm inbred.

That's what they, they, that's what Conan O'Brien said famously, is that if you're 100% Irish, you're like, you're inbred, basically, which is kind of, I think, true. Yeah.

Rudy Giuliani wishes, you know?

Yeah.

No, we were talking about this, that, and this is a point of contention with you. Yeah.

Alana, because I am 15, 16ths Irish. I'm a dual citizen of the U.S.
and Ireland. Wow.
My grandparents were Irish, and I still have family there. They still run the same family farm there.

But the other 16th is Italian. And I think that makes me count as Italian American.

Wow. I like it.
What is the threshold? Yeah. His obsession with my people for being

for the little speck that he's got in his DNA. You have to understand, Mitch nailed it.
Like, if I'm 100% Irish, I'm inbred. That's it.
That little spice.

That parsley. That parsley on it does.

That Italian spice blend.

It flips. I mean, my grandfather was the only man who got drafted into the Army in World War II and thought the food was really good.
Like, so.

Yeah, you need, that's the thing that made the food in your household, you know, edible. Absolutely.
Yeah. Wow.
My, my ancestry has updated once again. I just went to keep changing.

It does change all the time. It was 100% Irish, and then it went to like Scottish.
It was actually, I think the first time it was maybe Irish and Scottish, then it went to 100% Irish.

Without submitting new cum, it just like says, this is based off of your old sample. I keep sending them all new cum.
Yeah.

They've gone out of business, actually.

Now it says I'm 95%

Irish. What's the rest? Ireland.
3% Scottish. Okay.
This is new, though. 2% Germanic Europe.
Wow, how about that? You got a Viking in there or something. I guess so.

I was always kind of proud of not being German.

They're the bad guys from World War II. I don't know if you've read about them.
I mean, you're kind of, yeah, holding the long story. Actually, that is a matter of some debate.

It's complicated.

Actually, it's quite complicated.

You're from,

you grew up in San Francisco, San Francisco property. Yes.
What is it?

And my understanding is that you have a fascination or even a love for fast food, partly because you couldn't get it when you live there. Yeah, it's not that I couldn't get it.

I just don't remember it being that popular to get

sure. Right? Like, if you wanted cheap food, you would get a burrito or tacos.

Like, why would you go? I think there was one Taco Bell in San Francisco I remember, but like, why would you ever go there? Why would you go there when you get a huge mission burrito? Yeah.

So it has this appeal to me. It's the same way I didn't go to Costco until like a year ago.
Oh, hell yeah. And it truly changed my life.
Yeah, I love Costco.

I just, I kind of have a lust for these suburban, all-American experiences

because I grew up with like

actual good food. Actual good food, but also like

naked guys just walking around as like a protest, you know? Yeah, that's an interesting thing. There's ball gags in their mouth.
Right. Yeah.

That seems fun. It was fun.
It was great. But that makes me love the Cheesecake Factory.
Right.

I tried the Folsom Street Fair at the Cheesecake Factory. It ain't going down that way.
You know. Yeah.
Totally. What are you doing over there? I looked up something pertinent to the conversation.

This is what happens when you make it. You get to just go on your phone as you're recording.

You have an iPad. People yell at me for being on my phone, which is me looking up stuff because we're talking about Costco.
The classic combo turned 40-wise. How about that? The dog and soda.
Wow.

Tom dollar 50.

No, so that's the whole thing is that, you know, the CEO of Costco has been like, I will not raise the price. Yes.

I can kill you.

Yeah. Right.

So let's not kill that one. Maybe that guy.
Maybe that guy, he'll save. Well, because also Costco famously pays its people well.
They have health insurance. Like they have good benefits at Costco.

The culture is supposed to be good. Although, in the Costco subreddit, I think it's the Costco employees subreddit.

No, I don't have a life.

That's debated. Like, I think that is true, but you know, it depends on.
But we're comparing it with this, you know, wolf pack around. Yeah, it's not Amazon.

Yeah, it's all, I mean, like, look, it's not unionized.

So, but, like, it's like, that's, it's the, but, yeah, in, in, in comparison to other places, it seems like it's, it's a pretty good place for a worker.

Here's, here's, here's, here's something for you. Yeah.
Classic combo turned 40 just just in September, 40 years old. The hot dog and soda combo you love 40 years ago, wise.

You were just a little, I don't know, you were 20 something.

And then also Kirkland Signature just turned 30. How about that? So they just, they're celebrating their 30th year.
Are you a Kirkland Signature fan? Oh, yeah.

Yeah. I mean, I, I like, I remember surviving a like a camping weekend where I got the highlight was truly getting gifted a 10-pound box of frozen Kirkland burger patties.
Wow. Wow.

And I was like, this is, this is

mana from heaven. I could wander the desert with this and I'd be satisfied, you know? I love it.
I ate it the whole summer, you know? Yeah, that's, that's, that's fantastic. Yeah.

Or let's talk about a Costco sheet cake.

Oh, I believe, you know, fuck these fancy cakes. No.
I want. just a vanilla

Costco. I don't, I think you have to special order them now.

They're, they're delicious. Yeah, vanilla is a flavor.
I do really like

it's true. I do really like, I like sheetcake.
I've never thought to get a cake from, from Costco. It sounds like it'd be great, though.
Yeah. Right? Yeah.
It's so no one here has had it?

No, I have not.

This is upsetting.

What's the last occasion you got a Costco sheet cake for?

I think I was having a barbecue and then no one ate it. So I just spent the whole week going back to the fridge.
And I would be like, you can only have two slices a day.

That's That's a very LA thing, having some dessert that people just don't touch. Really annoying.
Thank you. Enjoy yourself.
It's brilliant. It's a fucking barbecue.
That is a true thing.

Like, if you've put that down in Chicago or Boston, it'd be the Tasmanian devil swirl of people just consuming it. You know,

right? Like,

let's go to a fat guy city. I mean, I think that's part of the issue with San Francisco.
It's not a fat guy city. No.
You know? Yeah. That's true.

And like every other place I'm from, it kind of, you know, we're literally. There's great food in San Francisco.

North Beach, you know, the Italian food. Yeah.
Chinatown, obviously. Yeah, you got a good mix of stuff.
It's true.

Was there like a

does San Francisco have like a like healthy, fast, you know, fast food? Like, is there like a,

were there healthier, was there any sort of, you know, any sort of

healthy drive-thrus, I guess is what I'm trying to say. I wasn't going to McDonald's in Burlingame.
growing up.

When my parents got a divorce, it's sort of like, we'll let you go to the ball pit and play around.

I didn't, well, because there is like there are regional chains up there, and also I think some of them have disappeared since we started doing

shows up there. So I didn't know if there was some sort of you know granola fatigue.
I wonder

if the Secretary of Health and Human Services has any beef tallow recommendations, potentially.

I think, I wonder if the I was signaling to Amelia to do her great RFK Jr. impression, but

I put her on the spot. Okay, I'm sorry.
No, it was my fault. No,

The hell was that? No, I put her on the spot. That's my fault.
I'm sorry.

Sheetcake has a good name. Sheetcake is a good name.
I think that a lot of times when you go to weddings,

you know, like some big ostentatious wedding, there's the cake that they cut. And oftentimes I think they're serving you a Costco sheetcake.
I would not be sure. Yeah.
I think that's a

strategy or any catering.

Well, I think disgraced comedian Jeff Garland Garland did make a good point where I remember he said, if I was given the best cocaine in the world, the best wine in the world, or a three-day-old grocery store sheet cake, not even a question which one I'd pick.

I'd pick the sheet cake. And I love that crappy frosting.
I love

just the.

He's disgraced what happened.

Do we? We can.

Should I have not said that? Yeah.

What did I miss? There's a plant behind you if you need to.

Let's just say that out.

He served a skeet cake at one of his uh

skeet cake i was gonna say i was gonna say that was a good one what you're gonna say skeet cake i was gonna say i would g-rated joke i was gonna say what what's a what's a ghost have for dessert sheet cake

what would a ghost have for his booth booth day

sheet cake

with a hat and a hat it's booth it's it's booth day yeah it's booth love day that's because he's a confederate sympathizer as

That's why he's wearing. Yeah.

Ghost celebrate.

I like this. Ghost celebrating the day they died.

This is fun. And if there's some sort of ghost, if this is a Pixar ghost world, whereas do that?

Didn't they do this already? Coco? Wasn't that? No, I don't know. My mom's nickname is Coco.
It's cute. Kareem.
That is Coco. Yeah.
That's cool. I know Coco is about.
That's a fucking movie.

I haven't seen Coco. I do hate it.

I watched Stephanie Beatrice's movie.

Encanto. Encanto.
Yes. And I haven't seen Coco.
Yeah. You didn't like Coco.

What? Thanks. You try your Coco rant.

I don't know if I can do my Disney rant. Wow.
Oh, please. I maybe won't.
Please. I will join you on a Disney rant.
Mine will be worse, but. We did an episode about Disney working with the mob.

It's fine. Okay.
You know? Disney working with the mobile. I just hate fucking older.
There's Coco, you know, and then they have Luca, which is the Italian one. Yes.

And they're like, you know, every, each one is like a different culture. And then they weirdly end up being super stereotypical.
Like the accents are so insane. Oh, sure.

And they're, you know, and like, I don't know. They're working on an Irish one called Smitty.

He drinks until he pukes blood and then is

in this magical world. You know, so look forward to that.
Bill Burr, I think, is in it. Yeah.

Bill Burr voice.

Come on.

Disney's lost a a bit of its magic. I think that's okay to say.
Yeah. Don't you think so?

Yeah. I mean, they're also, you should think about

it. They're a horrible company.
No, no. I just, I think.
Well, you're a big supporter of Ron DeSantis, right?

That could have been, it's like, because you know, a big conservative talking point is like, stop making woke Disney movies. We want the blonde princesses back, which is not what I'm saying.
Yes.

But this is, this is, this is, this is the diff, because some, I think that like Disney also can be a bad company that makes things like that. And, and, and you know what I mean?

Like, that doesn't, those people, those right-wing people aren't right either. You know what I mean? It's a problem.
It's like you're just like, Disney sucks.

And there are people who think Disney sucks for a different reason. Yeah.
Like, you know, they're, they're just like, you know, it's, it's like the, the, and I know it made a gobs of money for them.

So what the fuck do I know? But like the Lilo and Stitch live action thing was like, this is so calculated. There's, you know what I mean? Like, like, why do they need to do this?

Why do they need to be? You were telling us before we began recording, you thought it was almost childish in a way.

You were sitting there in your glasses, like, I'm quite bored of this.

To be fair, a lot of people like Coco. Maybe I hate it because I've been forced to watch it 50 times with my nephews.
Okay, sure.

That could be, but you know, I think that there's a

also there's you can look at some of that stuff cynically. And I think some, you know, I think Disney probably makes some stuff cynically.

There's, there's, there's rich people who are making they make so much stuff cynically. Yes, of course.
That's what I'm saying. I'm saying, I'm saying like them.

Because you're making content that is good doesn't make you bulletproof of criticism. You know what I mean? Like, you can still be making stuff that's not great.

And they're also a shitty company. Yeah, they're a bad company.
It's fine. It's fine to say.

It's fine to discuss this stuff. It's like, obviously, I think there's people who are just chauvinists and homophobic that don't like things for those specific reasons.

We did an episode.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. You guys know boys.
The Doughboys, yes.

We did an episode on the outfit that hasn't come out yet about Walt Disney, the 1941 animator strike, which is a really interesting story, but also about the fact that it ends up with Walt Disney lining up with the Chicago mob, and I mean directly allying himself with them to force an end to the strike and shunt them, the animators, into this mob-controlled union.

Wow. And I mean, that's the sort of...
hopefully the typical story we're doing on the show. And I mean it's like grumpy and dopey or fucking union busting.

The guy who invented Goofy nearly gets into a fist fight with the mobster from Chicago. It's just a crazy story.
So,

and it was, you know, reading about it makes you think about the WGA strike and the SAG strike.

And they also had the most beautiful union picket placards you've ever seen because they're all animators. I just imagine.
So they drew Angry Donald and, you know, Mickey on strike, all that stuff.

So yeah, some of the signs when we were on strike, like some of them would be embarrassing.

No, exactly. Yeah, some of them were little, some of them were like, I would get one that would be like too much shit written out.
And I'd be like,

can I just get one that has nothing written on it? You need a studio executive to be on strike to give notes and say, okay,

yeah.

Well, the other thing is, because sometimes they'll, they'll, because these signs will just, again, we were picketing for a month. So like

you'll get there and now he's a WGA captain. So, you know, I've involved some of this, but there's like just a bunch of picket signs lying there.
And sometimes you'll pick one up.

And sometimes it's something that. I slipped in that he was a captain.
What? What? What?

I was. But you write,

people would just write some

studio captains.

People would just write their own slogan on the sign, and then it would just be there. And then you pick it up the next day, and it would be like, you know,

the studios are being sex in the shitty. And you're just like, I guess I'm committing to

holding this all day. And then, but the other thing that would happen is that someone else would come up to you and be like, hey, did you work on sex in the city?

Like, no, I just grabbed this one and I'm holding it for four hours, walking in a circle. You know, that's just what my day is.
And they'd ask you which sex in the city character you are.

It's like, I'm a Miranda, obviously. Obviously, I'm a Miranda, but I didn't work on this one.
I didn't work on the show, but I am a Miranda. Anyways, Hall and then suck them off.

That's more of a Samantha.

Sorry, that is Samantha. I guess Miranda might do that, but Miranda might do that.
Samantha would do it.

I heard, maybe you can confirm this. If you pick up the placard that Aaron Sorkin wrote, you have to walk around the rest of the day.

Yeah, you can't stop. One steady can't move.

So you're not as good as this. I liked it.
I liked it.

So

you do love fast food. I do.
Dan, you've had to swear off of fast food, and this is part of your sort of healthful

swing. I mean, I feel like,

God, you know. If I had been a guest on this show five years ago, I would have just torn it up.
I would have, you know, and instead I'm like, I'm the retired gunslinger.

You were firing on higher cylinders that you should have come here five years ago. Yeah.
You know,

I know. I'm like, I'm being sucked back in for one last score and possibly sucked off.
You know, so I hear. Keep up in the Samantha mood.
We'll see. Talked about like dicks or cum once a minute.

Ever since we started. I have a clock.

Yeah. Right.
No, I'm not even getting it. Yeah.
So keep it going. Okay.

So we have a quota to hit. I mean,

we're, you know, we're at the dick sucking factory and we got to

keep it moving. Yeah.
Actually, post-episode, if we don't hit that quota, we'll just have, we'll just come. We'll just put that in for every minute if we don't hit it, right, Wags?

Yeah, we'll just drop it in.

My parents are going to listen to this. Oh, no.

My mom,

my mom, I did an interview

on the radio, and I told Wages this. And my mom was like,

can you not do any masturbation talk? And I was like, oh, God, that sucks. My mom, I've never, she's never said masturbation.
Right.

I I never heard her say masturbation before. Now she's saying it all the time.

Open the floodgate. She's saying it left and right.
So when you, did you, was this just a thing you just flipped a switch and were like, I can't eat fast food anymore? I'm just like, you know what?

I need to cut this out of my life because you were eating it a lot. I was.

And, you know, my doctors, you know, it was basically like a situation where I put on a bunch of weight and my cholesterol was high and like there was starting to be a little fatty liver.

It's like, oh, I had, I have fatty liver as well.

So it, it was was like, you know, and this was before the dawn of the shots and all that.

So I just started eating.

It's boring. I just started eating three square meals a day and it came off, you know.
Wow. I didn't even exercise, really.

Well, when you were into fast food, though, what were some of your favorite situations?

Three square meals a day. Four square meals a day.
Yeah, you already rounded up.

Four square meals a day. So we're talking about like a slice of Sicilian.

It's a plate. Lasagna.
It's a plate of Neapolitan.

Yeah, right.

It's everything a kid would fit on a plate on a cruise ship.

No, you know, my favorites would have been like, look,

I want to give a shout out to a fast casual restaurant. I don't, I think something's happened where it doesn't get the credit it deserves.
I'm talking about five guys. Oh, yeah.
Awesome. Oh, yeah.

I feel like

no one gives it the proper credit for

what it is, which is, I think it's like the best around, both in the burger and the fries.

Also, for crossover for you guys, it sounds like the most mob-like, maybe it's the most mob-like restaurant name. We should have done that.
We should have done five guys. Five guys.

Did you not hear the part where I changed my whole life and I can't do that anymore? And I'm going to say this. And where I

dick got stuck there at the Five Guys also.

The place. Five guys sucking you off.

Of course, that's the joke. A big human centipede of five guys or whatever.

We did a place, the place we did today is, it still sounds like it could be an Italian family and the Italian crime family. Yes.
Just because it's an Italian name? Yeah.

Any Italian name? Basically. That's racist.

It's anti-Italian discrimination.

Look, my feelings on the Italians are mixed. We know that here on the podcast.

Okay. Love the food, hate the people.
That's basically it.

I'm scared to say that I don't like cocoa.

Oh, no, no. I openly.
I joke with the Italians. I was raised amongst Italians.
Well, Mitch, the Irish-Italian divide is a very famous one, an interesting one. Of course.

And a fun one. And a fun one.
It's like we love each other. We hate each other.
You know how it goes. Yeah.
It's itchy and scratchy. Do you love you? I don't think so.

I guess the Irish don't really love the Italians either. So maybe there's no love there, actually.
Well, I don't know if the Italians love the Irish. I mean,

I think it's it's funny that like if I go back to Quincy, there are like

I have my Italian friends and they still feel

I'm just saying like they are like you Irish son of a gun. You know what I mean? They still will say that.
I have some perspective on I want to Amelia, you're Italian. I'm half Irish, half Italian.

Wow. The Henry Hill.
I'm a Henry Hill. Right.

And

from my experience, the Irish love everybody.

The Italians can hate the Irish sometimes, I've noticed

you're not wrong my grandma who i mean we don't really we're kind of estranged uh she thought my parents marriage was interracial

oh my god is she is she the italian grandmother yeah she's she's a brooklyn italian okay that's that's very funny

god damn that's i know really racial wow

You should say, grandma, you want to see a real interracial marriage, you know, like, I mean, you ain't seen nothing yet. Yeah.

Yeah. I mean, Italians and Irish people are pretty close, honestly, as far as a lot of cultural things go.
Starts with an eye. What's that? Well, it starts with an eye.

Other similarities, you know?

I will say

those are two European peoples that I think are well liked the world over, which is not true of a lot of them. You know? That's true, yeah.

Right? Wasn't that true? Like, everyone likes the Irish around the world except the British. That's the only one that doesn't like Irish.
Yeah, no, that's fair. That's fair.
The Italians.

Maybe Italians. I don't know.

I don't know about the Italians. And you're half Jewish, which everyone loves them, so that's all good.
Especially right now. Especially right now.
You've never been more popular. Right, yeah.

Here's a question I have tailored to your podcast. The outfit.
When you go out to eat, do you match your outfit to your dining experience? Wow. I don't just mean like I'm going fine dining.

I got to dress up a little bit. I mean like I'm going to tiki bar.
I'll throw on a Hawaiian shirt. You know how that's fun? Fun.
Yeah. That's fun.
Yeah. That's so cute.

That's like, I can just picture Weiger in his little, his little lei and his Hawaiian shirt. And he's like, you can go to a Tiki bar tonight.

What is that? I don't know. That's some shit I got at Nordstrom.
Yeah, it's kind of like a, I don't know.

I think this is the final year I can wear this. What are you talking about? Wait for the next one.
What happens next year? Wait, when you got this one?

Were we with you when you got this shirt? No, no. This was, I was like, I was down

at a, I was down near the ocean, and it was really brisk, and I didn't have a top layer. So I just topped it, I hopped into Nordstrom, and they had, this was on sale.

Yeah, at the top, I mean, it was the top floor of the Nordstrom. But I was just in the top, I was getting a suit for Tiff.
Yeah.

And I got a suit for Tiff. I'm going to Tiff.
The Toronto International Film Festival. Yeah.
That's true. I was like the WGA captain line.

And also, Tiff is the Toronto International. Not the lady named Tiff.

I'm not going out with some lady named Tiff. She doesn't even know yet.
You're just gonna knock on the door in the tuxedo.

But no, I said, you know, you sometimes make, I like, I, when I, when I am like, hey, I'm in a situation like this, I have to buy something, but I also like, I want to buy something that I will wear later.

So I have this that I'll at least wear on the podcast.

Yeah, it's kind of this colorful for our audio listeners. It's just like a pink, green, yellow sort of swirl, sort of a, I guess, pseudo-tie-dye, but not exactly.
Yeah, like a marble default.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah.

What would you say, Alana, to this? Because I obviously have no fashion sense whatsoever, but like, do you match yourself to where you're eating?

Like, if you go to Rick's Drive-In, like, are you matching? I mean, this is the first restaurant I could think of for spaghetti. Rick's drive-in and out.
Spaghetti is back.

Yeah, that one. Yeah.

Like, are you... I guess Dodger gear would be the way to dress over there.
That'd be fitting. A lot of people go there pre-game or post-game.
Yeah, I can't say it's that specific.

But I will say, like, if I go to a Musso and Franks or a steakhouse,

there is a mob wife kind of a vibe I like to bring. Oh, yeah.
That's fun. I'm going to gussie it up a little bit.
Yeah. Do you have a like have you, you've been to Musso and Frank, I assume? Yes.

Any thoughts? I love it. Yeah.
That is, that is like my favorite restaurant in LA. Yeah, me too.
And here's the thing.

It's like you kind of like expect, like, you're, I remember after the pandemic, I went and I was like, well, maybe not after, but, you know,

once once the lockdowns were once the

pandemic ended. Can we get into that by the way? Yeah, yeah, let's just start talking about that.
The first time I ever introduced my parents to a girlfriend was at Musso and Frank.

That's where you do it. Is that really true?

How old were you? Like 24.

I mean, way older than I should have been, I guess.

I don't think so. No.
It was also my first real girlfriend, really.

This was at,

yeah, my first few years in L.A.

We went to Musa. Yeah, that's where you would go for that.
That's a good place to go. To meet someone's parents.

Now also very popular after uh Once Upon a Time in Hollywood. I feel like there's

a bump from that. I think, I think, yes, I think people now imagine.
Yeah, one time I was there, and I was talking to the bartender, and I asked him, like, what's the craziest,

like, do you like working here? What are some crazy stories? And he said, the after party for that was insane. Oh, oh, yeah, where they like closed it down, just blowing lines and stuff.
Oh,

wait, really?

Wow.

Well, I mean, yeah, don't sue me. A bunch of feet walked in, like the brooms and fantasies.
Oh, my God.

Wait, why aren't we shocked that like an after party for some glitzy Hollywood movie, they might blow some lines? I just like hearing it. Yeah.

I know what I'm doing next time with my Musso and Franks.

Going on a fat rail.

They never have the

way to the blowing line.

I have a cool Hollywood Musso and Franks story. Yeah.

Once I got up from the table, went to the restroom. When I came back, my friends at the table said, do you know who you walked by eating alone at the bar? And I said, who? And they said, Tom Arnold.

Wow. Wow.
Very exciting. Rush with Tom Arnold, very nice to the birthday boys back in the day.
He was a very young man. You boys seemed like a lovely man.

He was very nice. He was very nice to us.
And then

Nate Oyds was here.

Nate. Your college friend.
My college friend, who you were mentioning. You were listing my college friend.
As opposed to the Nader. Or the same guy? No, it's a different guy.
Okay. So, hold on.

I I just want to clarify. Yeah.

You've got Nader, you've got Nate Oids, you've got Poove, and you've got Pooh, too. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
These are all Ithaca guys. No, Nader is not an Ithaca guy.

Okay,

that's my confusion. Nader's a Quincy guy.
Okay, guys,

so Nader's from Quincy, Nate Oids from Ithaca. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
We need like a mnemonic to remember that.

He came out here and we thought we saw

Tom Arnold. This is before he helped the birthday boys out.
And I was like, oh, shit, that looks like Tom Arnold. And then we Nate pulled a U-turn and got T-boned.

And then he pulled in the gas station and it wasn't Tom Arnold.

And the guy who we thought was Tom Arnold was like, I didn't see anything. He was like an asshole.
He wasn't even a witness. He wasn't even a witness.
He was like, I didn't see shit.

He didn't want to get involved.

Tom Arnold would have been a witness for insurance. Tom Arnold would have probably been helpful, I think.

I, not to harp on this topic, our friend, mutual friend Jesse Farrar, he's going to be a guest on our show. I, the last time he was in LA, I picked him up, and as I was picking him up, Mr.

Jack Black walking right down the street. How about that? I love Jack Black.
Yeah, he's a guy who just walks around the neighborhood. That's what he does sometimes.
That's what he does.

And then later, Jesse made, I think, one of the funniest jokes.

I've always said one of the funniest jokes I ever heard where I was dropping him off and we walk up to the place and we walk past another guy.

And Jesse turns to me and goes, Oh my God, that was Tom Cruise.

JF, speaking of which,

speed away. So they still have to laugh at your jokes, you know? I like it.
They're new to it.

You delivered it better than Jesse would have because Jesse wouldn't have made me laugh. Well, JF was telling us that Dan's not actually Irish.
That was the bit of intel he told us in advance.

He said that was stolen back. Oh, right.

Yeah. What would you be if not Irish? I mean,

it's like you're.

Don't engage with the lie. Don't engage.
That's what he wants. He wants to gaslight you, get you into a story.
And we're talking, don't you see this is what Trump is trying to do to us?

Yeah, you know, this is the playbook, right?

Yeah, Trump's going after the Irish too much, I think.

That's his main problem.

Well, we really, we really are not fans of them. You know,

we're going to look into it

on your Ireland trip.

And I'm not well traveled. I've never crossed an ocean.
A lot of have you ever been to Ireland? I have. You have.
Okay. So you've all been to Ireland.
Any notable food

memories from

the Emerald Isles? Terrible food. Terrible potatoes.
Wow.

Potatoes? Okay, there's that. Potatoes.
Potatoes.

Who is this Gollum figure?

I'm sorry. I didn't mean to.

Maybe terrible. Oh, racism is funny.
I see. That's okay.
When it's the do you think the food is the main selling point when you go to Ireland? I love my grandma over here judging me.

No, I loved it. I love the potatoes.
Yeah.

What I would say is, you know, my father used to go back a lot more frequently because his parents were Irish immigrants. You couldn't get a decent hamburger there to like maybe the 2000s.
Okay. Wow.

The food was not good. Yeah.
But it was also like the poorest country in Western Europe. Sure.
It just wasn't, you know, so now it's actually a bit of a foodie destination.

Yeah, I don't, I bet actually, if I went back now and I like researched, I'm sure there actually is good food.

They've done a lot of work, like the, this, the fish, the, um, the lamb, the, the pork and beef, the meats, the, the vegetable, like, they've done a lot of work, like, you know, with organic, sustainable stuff that's really good.

Cause also, you know.

Not to get into the history, our food was taken from us, Mitch. It was shipped overseas, you know?

That's what's.

that's true. Wow.
Look, I'm not beating a half-Jewish, you know, half-Italian lady. We're not a victim complex.
So don't even start. Yeah.

I want to ask about some other Italian restaurants because we ended up doing DeLuca's Italian deli, but there were some other, you know, the things that were thrown out there.

We talked about Olive Garden. We've talked about Bucca DiBapo, both of which we've done on the podcast before.
Do you have any affection for any particular big Italian chain?

I'm going to give a little bit of a controversial one. Go for it.
I fucking love Sabarro.

You love Sabaro. We had a pretty good experience when we went to Sabaro with our friend Griffin Newman.
It was a little wet, though. That was the whole thing.

Well, that was the whole thing. It was kind of wet.

You know, the pizza gets a little.

I hope we're talking about what I'm thinking. We're talking about.
Did we hit our mark? Yeah.

No, no, Duval.

We got to know. We just, we, we, we went in, like, we, we went to the kitchen because, like, everything was a little wet.
We're like, what's going on here?

We went into the Sparrow kitchen, and the sub-mariner was working the graph. Yeah, that was

part of the issue.

So stupid.

When you say wet, do you mean greasy? It was kind of greasy, kind of just like generally had a high moisture content. I think part of the issue might have been.
Oh, you know what? Because remember,

I looked in the back room, and the shark tail guys were back there. That was part of it.
Yeah, all the mafia guys from Shark Tale.

Yeah, which I don't know if you guys have covered the Shark Tail Mafia guys.

a whole episode on the shark tale yeah we'll get to that have you guys have you did you cover whitey bulger well actually mitch i mean this is this is one like listen if irish mafia you know schedule pending i mean we'd love to have you on um whitey no bulger mitros

that's the chemical castration

uh

yeah no um well because i'm sure you can relate when i was growing up in maine as a teenager, he was on the loose. Oh, yeah.
And it was always still a big story every time he'd be sighted. And

I thought they would never catch him. Same, yeah.
That they didn't want to catch him and have him come back and tell the story, you know, because he corrupted the FBI. But caught in Santa Monica.

Living in Santa Monica, California at the time. It's crazy that I would have, if I saw Whitey Balder at...
Sonny McLean's where he hung out. I would have recognized Whitey Balder.

There's no way in the world I wouldn't have recognized him. And at Michael's Restaurant, which is

a sit-down restaurant that's at the very top of the Santa Monica Promenade. Could not be hiding more in plain sight.

Whitey Bulger living at the time, Natalie and I were living 11 blocks away from where he was caught. It's just kind of crazy that he was just there for, like, I guess, a decade.
A long time.

Yeah, a while.

It's that easy to just hide from the law. You just go someplace and you just hang out.
I don't know.

It's like Hawaii. I went to Hawaii and there's some remote.
It's the most remote in the United States.

But he wasn't in Santa Monica. He was an apartment complex in one of the most densely populated cities in the West Coast.
It was like, you know,

I think it's because it's L.A. and he's an Italian mobster.
It's like

a lot.

Yeah. I mean, there's just so few of us here, I feel.

Was he Irish? Irish mobster? He was Irish, but. He was Irish.

Yeah, but it's like, you know, he, I mean, he was interesting too, in that he essentially was the mafia in Boston by supplanting them through snitching all the actual Italian mobsters to the FBI.

And

also got a there's that great 30 for 30 about his infiltration of the NHL as well oh and he did uh what was the what was the other sport that weird uh what highlight highlight oh wow he's a high-li guy yeah and murdered an executive over that so just a bizarre so the point is we would love to do that sometime and uh that might be a few episodes wow i think yeah but i feel like there's no maybe not you would recognize him but not everyone is as special as you are black mass was not like well received

It was kind of a bad movie, which is not, you know, like Goodfell is one of the best movies. One of my,

I've forever listed as my favorite movie. I love that.

I'm right there with you.

Black Mass, the Whitey Bulger adaptation. Although The Departed was somewhat inspired by Whitey Bulger.
Yeah. Certainly the way they'll give all the snitching that you mentioned.

Well, we just made fun of The Departed in another episode of The Rats.

We want to get on the head gum screen behind us the rat occasionally walking behind us. I love that.
I love that rat. I like that little rat.
We talked about it.

I was like when I was in college and I saw that scene for the first time and I was, whoa, man, cinema. This is fucking deep.

The rat as the guy in the movie.

I'm really high. Yeah.
Right. I saw that on, it came out on my birthday.
Wow. My first year in L.A.
Wow. My first full year in L.A., my first birthday.

Not true. My second birthday in LA.
And I saw it at the Man's Chinese Theater. It's the first time I ever went to the bottom.
Wow, what a place to see it. It was, it was a...

Talk about a birthday boy. It was,

and then I became a birthday boy shortly after that. Birthday boys hadn't even been invented yet.

Question. What's your sign?

Libra. Oh.

The scales.

They're creams.

But

you like Sparrow, despite the fact that based on our experience, it was kind of wet, which I think part of it was because we got in the kitchen and Prince sidon was there but sorry but yeah we we have a

it's it's a like you like sparrow alana do you have any

good question you know i don't think i've ever been to olive garden that's wild insane yeah you know what i kind of like olive garden yeah i think i would like

yeah i'm trying to think i feel like i liked buca de beppo when i was up there i think buka depeppo i think has gone gone downhill a little bit although amelia you recently had your buka de beppo experience and you did enjoy it i i loved the atmosphere you love more the kitsch of it.

The food was kind of whatever. Exactly.
The food was mid, but that is

like a Sicilian farmhouse. Is that what it's supposed to be like? Or what is it? It's like Italian America.
It's like the white and red check. Oh, I love a red sauce joint.
Yeah, yeah, exactly. Okay.

I'm into that. Yeah.

What other ones are there? I mean, there's like Carraba's. There's Romano's Macaroni Grill.
There's Maggiano's.

Pizzeria Uno, Chicago University. Sure.
Yeah. Yeah.
If we opened up Pizzeria's?

There was an Italian. Fazzoli's.

The Italian sandwiches were the next boom. Right.
And I don't think I was wrong.

It's happening. It's happening in the Amazon.

When did you call this, though? Was the Gold Marshall? I was already over a year. No, I was saying that's the next thing.

I mean, like, maybe I had seen a sandwich shop that was, but I was like, you know, you don't, you don't, you're not giving me any credit here. What the fuck? I don't know.

I just don't know how sage this was. Oh, how much

of a soothsayer you were. I think you were seeing a trend that was already in motion.
Someone look it up. Stop moving the fucking thing.
One of you guys. I haven't told you to stop moving the thing.

One of your listeners, look it up. Stop moving the thing.
I'm not moving it anymore.

I'll move around all I want.

Piece of shit. I mean, for my sake.
One of you guys, look it up. It's for editing.
Someone at headcomes are going to send me that clip and be like, I wonder why the mic arm's broken.

One,

they're not going to notice. They're not going to watch our podcast.
They're not even going to be here. It's fine.
They don't even exist. They don't.
We haven't seen.

It's like the Wiz.

Yeah, right. It's the hotel in the shining when you walk around and get it.
You know?

Yeah. Disturb a bunch of flies.

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I do remember Mitch saying that lasagna is back.

Well, do you want to share your experience with Lasagna? Because lasagna was not back. It does seem like lasagna was not back

as we get into a Deluca's Italian deli.

DeLuca's Italian deli first opened in 2010 at the americana in as partnership between la mall kingpin rick cruso and tancredi deluca there's no second location at the century city mall which is closed at the time i was gonna i was gonna go yesterday i was gonna bus over there i was walking the bus stop i went to check the hours on my phone just to make sure it was uh you know it

just just to make sure it wasn't wasn't didn't close after lunch or something like that and it was closed until october so yeah unfortunately

after that you have like a falling down type of day

No, it got on the train in the other direction. Woo.
Right?

Then he tried to get away. Dark line or light or light.

That was the dark line. Oh, wow.
So

the eponymous DeLuca of the DeLuca's Italian deli had a notable LA restaurant, Amici, and some other ones as part of his restaurant group that Caruso was a fan of.

So that's what led to Caruso partnering with him from an NBC4 article about its opening.

Anthony Poon and John Kim of Poon Design were in charge of the delis. Look, now look, it's a man's name.

We just hit an hour literally on the dot as you said that. It was like Anthony Poon and John Poon? It's a man's John Kim.
It's a man's name, but Poon Design is a funny name for a company.

Like my college buddy. Yeah.
Poon and Poon 1 and Poon 2. Yeah.
Poon 2.

Pooh Design.

So I mean, like, I'm curious because this place was, I will admit, was not on my radar.

I am, I have, of course, very aware of Rick Caruso as someone who is such a, you know, an omnipresent figure in L.A.

Future mayor. What's that? Future mayor.
Future mayor. He tried to, he ran for mayor once before and didn't get it.
I mean, I think he's probably going to run again. And, you know, he certainly was a.

was was out front and center during the L.A. fires with his privatized firefighting squad,

protecting his properties.

You have a,

Dan, this was a place that you pitched, DeLuca's Italian deli. And you said this was not only like what you wanted to cover, this was like your number one one pick.

It was because I'm, I'm with Mitch on, like I said, I had to give up a lot of the junk I like eating. Sure.
And the last thing I have left are Italian sandwiches. Wow.
That's kind of it.

Like that's the last thing like that. And LA,

I think to the surprise maybe of some people listening, is a very good city for,

I mean, you're, you're like giving me the, but I'm serious. Like, there's a lot of great Italian delis here serving Italian italian american style sandwiches wow and um

and this is a place i i go to every now and again so and it's a chain you know bay cities notably is that the place i think of in santa matto great italian sandwiches but but but like is uh like what are the other shutdown because of shutdown yes because of health issues

there'll be like two that are really good in la that are super fucking far from you and then people are like it has good good italian sandwiches not per cap it's not like in new york though where it's like even the worst That's true.

No, Italian sandwiches in New York is like as good as

I agree with that. I think that's an arguable.

I 100% agree.

I think that's an arguable, but I think it's like

what are the places that you like? All right. So we have Roma Market, right?

In

Pasadena. Now, this is like, to me,

I said this before. This is like the punk music version of the sandwich compared to the Bay Cities

Prague rock

opera, where it's,

a very, it's just called the sandwich, costs seven bucks, and it's the best fucking thing you've ever eaten in your life. The guy who invented it is 90 years old.
He still works there.

And you go there, it's like you get two of those, you're in heaven. What's on this bad boy? Yeah, where is this place? In Pasadena.
I know of this place. You know this place? I know.

The best bread you've ever had. And then, like...

Maybe two or three Italian meats, cheese, olive oil. That's it.
Wow. And it is the best fucking thing you've ever eaten.
I can't speak highly enough of it. What?

Roma Market. Roma Market.
And it's just the sandwich. That's how singular it is there.
You go up, they got a big case of them just sitting there waiting for you, you know, already made. Yeah.

And you're out. So that one,

I think Mario's in Glendale. Okay.
That's another Italian deli that's been there forever. Somewhere in the valley, but I'm forgetting.
That's where I'm talking about. I do.

And it's the least, I'm the least traveled there. But there's also like bougier ones like Bubb and Grandma's.
Oh, yeah, Bubb and Grandmas, yeah, for sure.

I would never think of that as an Italian sandwich place. But it does an Italian sandwich.
I haven't had it from there, but I like their sandos. Yeah, it's amazing.

But now we're just talking about like the gentrification sandwich. You know what I'm talking about where it's like the fancy bread.

They have an Italian version, but it's not like, like to me, I'm like, they need to have multiple Italian. Here's some of the Eastside Delhi Italian market.
That's one.

Where's that one?

That's more of a. By Dodger's Stadium.
Oh, yeah, by Dodger's stadium. But you're right.

It's like, yes, you can find the $17 sandwich named after an NPR personality that's a good Italian sandwich, but it's not really what you're thinking of when you're talking about

all of the sandwiches on the menu are Italian-style sandwiches, and there's like the different variations.

Well, that would, yeah, so that would be Roma Market, Bay Cities, Mario's, and there's a few others.

Which one? Giata. Giata, yeah.
Giata's like another new, I feel like more newfangled place, right? But they, but I do like Giata sandwiches.

And I have to say about Giata, good, but I can't believe I'm saying this, believe me, they put too much stuff on the sandwich. I'm sure.
Ungapachka.

Break that down for me. It's one too many things.
It's got too many components. A little bit.
I got a tuna sandwich there once where

I was like, I'm not a shark.

I can't do this right now. I can't do this at this moment in my life.

You're not the chef working behind the counter this far.

It's a shark. Yeah, it's Bruce the Shark.

He's wearing a little chef hat. Yeah, from Jaws?

Who's fighting Nemo?

Bruce the Shark

is the shark from Jaws. Oh, that's the name of the mechanical.
Yeah, they haven't made a shark, you know,

yeah. He made five movies, I mean, four movies, but uh, but he hasn't worked in a little bit.
Well, he had a drug problem, I heard. Yeah, he did.
Yeah, he was into the whole thing, yeah. Yeah,

uh,

he's into uh, I, I, we were all searching for okay, so what's the follow-up? What's what's the drug a shark is on? Yeah. Wait, give me a second.
Okay, hold on.

PC, PCP. It's pretty good.

Angelfish dust. Angelfish dust.
That's pretty good,

that's good.

Shark method.

Come on. Come on.
Did you say shark meth? Yeah, shark meth.

What is shark meth?

It's just made from chemicals they get out of boats. Like out of like boat

pollution. Yeah, yeah.

Come on, Mitch. He was, I heard that he was at Mussolini Franks.
He was, he did a line of krocane.

This shouldn't be this hard. This, I mean, if Paul Rest was here, he'd be fucking firing him off.
And I'm, you know, I thought crocane was pretty. I liked it.
Crocaine was the best I could do.

We all did.

What about an opiate style? Okay.

Cocaine, cocaine, though. Fentanyl.
Fentanyl. Fentanyl.
Fentanyl. It's fentanyl.
It's fentanyl.

Everyone's favorite drugs. Fentanyl night, but we got there.
Not the stuff too far. Okay.
That's where it drops. All the sharks are just dead immediately.
Yeah, right. What did you say?

Oh, that's it from Fentanyl. Yes.
Fentanyl. Yeah, Fentanyl.
A tough drug. Fentanyl killed.

Sharks. So, okay, wait.

Easy segue. Let's go.

Wait, what has too much? We were talking too much tuna. Giata.
Giata. Yes.
Yeah. Yeah.
They tend to overstuff this. And I did not mean to bite the John Malini bit of literally saying too much to him.

But I just realized I was saying that like a whiny old man, but a little bit, you know.

Yeah. But then there's this new place that opened.
Was it Pinos in Los Filos? Yeah. Oh, right.
Yeah.

The Panini. Yes.
This is now. This is where I was saying to wives that

I said that I said Italians are in. And look, you guys figure it out.
Figure it out. Figure that shit out.

Let's go of the mic. Okay.
He is throwing the mic stand like the apes. Everyone out there figure it out.

I wonder if that would work on the. I wonder if it worked.
Do you think it worked? If it worked alexonically? Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah, it worked.
Yeah, sure.

Like you were trying to make an echo effect as you were moving the microphone away from it. Yeah, it might have worked.
We'll see what happens. Sorry, Emma.

Emma's first thing she told us when we came here is don't touch the mic arm. And then it reminded you of it.
And then out of spite, you were wiggling it as much as possible.

You guys figured it out. I said, I...

Thumb in your eye. I put both both of my thumbs in your eye.
Fucking

I hope you do. Yeah, fuck.
Fucking smash my head in the ground like the mountain and Game of Thrones thing is going to be

ended in a head gum studio. As soon as I go past your eyes, I'm going to go fucking right to the bottom.
There's going to be nothing in there, you fucking empty-headed piece of shit. Wait, you can't.

Now I'm stupid. Yeah, you're dumb too, you piece of shit.

Someone's been hitting the krill cane. I think, yeah.

You guys figure it out. I talked about how Italian is in.
Italian is in. This is

in Los Filas, they have one of these sandwiches. I went to all years ago, pre-pandemic, I went to All Antico Wags.
And then you and me, and Emma, and Amelia went to All Anticugs and Mike.

And Mike and Sessic. And Mike was there.
And Susser. The whole crew was there.
After Saucy Nugs. After Saucy Nugs.
Yeah, we went to the KFC Saucy Nugs event over at a dispensary in Venice.

It was real weird. And then afterwards, we got sandwiches.
That was weird. Yeah, it was a weird.

Saucy Nugs influenced him.

Oh, yeah. Susser brought us.
Yeah,

Susser wouldn't let us hold his sandwich while he went to the bathroom. He brought it with him.

Bizarre mood. Hold it down the baby changing table and put the fucking sandwich on it.

Comes out with no sandwich.

Comes out with the sandwich wearing a diaper.

Fuck.

I liked Alantico quite a bit, and we liked it. I think we liked it.
It was good. I mean, like, in

huge, the sandwiches are just, it's like the size of an 8x11 piece of paper, is the the size of the bread, right? They were like ginormous. Yes.

And when I had it in Florence, it was like one of the best sandwiches I ever had. It was great.
And this is almost 10 years ago now, which is insane. But like,

it was great. And now there's a bit of a, like,

they say with this sandwich spot, it's like there's only one in Italy and one here.

Why would they? That's just what's so funny. It's like LA.
We're going to LA. Yeah.
Not New York. And I don't know.
And you were saying that there are lines out the door, which is great.

I know that on the first day there was a line. Something told me that.

This is Pino we're talking about? As opposed to Antico, which you're just mentioning. Which was, and also that was the

Eastside Italian Market Deli had. That was their second location and then it closed.
Yeah. Why did it not do? I like that place.
Yeah, I don't know.

Like in the original is like an institution that will probably never close, but this is this new this new spot. Look, Italian sandwiches are on the rise here, Wyx.
I wasn't wrong.

Well, and you're the other one, I forgot. Another one in the bougier column is the, is the Larchmont deli.
Sure. Um, which wine and cheese you're talking about?

Yes, that is also, uh, it's just a very good sandwich. That's, that has stuck around for a very long time.
That has been a stalwart

in the writer's room.

What the hell are you looking at here? Nothing. You were just fucking zoned out.
I'm listening. It was just a

first impression stare. I'm listening.
I also know because the way this is fucking shot, it's on your coverage while you're talking.

So if you just talk and don't focus on me, we don't have this fucking weirdness. We don't have this cutaway.
It looked like you were looking into the abyss. Look at that.
That's fine.

I was just looking. Let me look.
Let me live. Just talk.
Dude, guys, guys, guys. Can I just suggest we get chemically castrated and be done with it? I'll be calm down.

Let's. You were looking at the plants.
I didn't know if you were looking at something. There's too much T happening.
The T is much testosterone. Also, by the way.

Yeah, that's the problem with the Double Woods.

That's never been an issue. I'm just throwing the roof in here.
That's never been an issue. First it was sexual, now it's violent.
You're like, what else? What's next?

There is something on the coaster under one of the plants that I don't know where it came from.

I don't know if you can see it under there. It's pretty random.
No, it's just. What the? It's a baby.
It's just a random speaker and a baby. Oh, wow.
Whose baby is this? No clue. Cute little baby.

Don't put it back on the baby. That's where it belongs.

I thought of another Italian deli.

It's actually one of my favorites in LA. The Heights deli.

that is good. That is a

in the uh, like liquor store gas station, right? Yeah, it's like a bottle shop, and they have like Italian sandwiches.

Really? Don't get so mad at me. If you're talking, just talk.
Don't focus on me. Shut the fuck up.
I wonder how many seasons it'll take for us to get to this point. Don't ever sit now.

I'll answer one and a half.

We're already starting to hate each other, I think. About 10 episodes.

It starts.

One of them starts hating you for me for Nick.

It's fine that you commented on that. What was I even talking about? I don't remember.
I'm just realizing

you are the Weiger of our pod, and I am the Mitch of our pod. No, I thought it was the other way around.
Well, which is it? Well, why do you think? Okay, well, why do you think I'm the Nick?

I think I look like I'll be more the Nick, but actually I'm more the Mitch. Interesting.
Well, you don't look like either of us. It's true.
Are you sure? Because I really tried.

She was up all night. I told her.
My fever niche hasn't really come in yet.

Look, I called that it was going to be Italian sandwiches. There's a new place here.
I hope that it does well. I like a new Italian,

but there's also a place

at the Americana, which is like Italian chocolate. As opposed to De Luca Italian deli, a different spot.
Yeah, a different spot. It wasn't a challenge.
That's just possible. Not the Dubai chocolate.

What the fuck? The fuck is it? What

is it just the dubai chocolate astro turfing dubai chocolate like it's a thing just what is it just fucking i love how i refuse to read because you know how like you see something you keep seeing it and you're like i'm sitting this one out yeahn's who are they i don't know but i see them at every supermarket to learn that i'll tell you okay all right but explain dubai chocolate to me i don't know what this is making me feel like alex jones where i'm like there's a war on for my mind to make me know what dubai chocolate is no yeah they just made it up it's like pistachio something covered in in chocolate, right?

Well, that's good. It's

everywhere, right? What is that? That's the thing, yeah. I don't know.

I really think it's astro-turfed. I really think it's a thing someone came up with like three years ago, and

they're presenting it like it's some tradition that's existed for, you know, millennia or whatever the fuck. Okay, you know what? I'm wrong about this.

I was saying that this place is

Italian. It is not.
Okay.

Venchi. The Venchi chocolate.
The place on the corner. It's like the place on the corner.

What is it? I think it's Prussian, I believe. Okay.

It says a king of Prussia, Pennsylvania. So it's not even really Prussian.
Well, that's different. That's different than Prussian.
That's yeah. Yeah, yeah, no shit.

We're saying dead empires. Venchi child.
I don't know what Vench.

I'm a Prussian American. There's a new Ottoman restaurant.
You gotta try. This is my grandfather's spiked helmet that he passed down to me.

Hold on a second. Okay.

Our story began back in 1878 with

Silviano Venchi. Oh, I think I was all right here.
A young 20-year-old man. Okay.

Spent all his savings on two bronze cauldrons and started experimenting with chocolate in a small chop on Via de Gli

Arctic, the neighborhood of

Venchiglia Turin.

This podcast sucks.

It's just fucking horrible.

Do you want to take that again?

Waggard? Wagger, do you want to take that podcast off again? For the love of God, don't take it again. Keep it exactly like that.
Sorry, what did you say with that? I'm like, it's our fault.

Everyone's going to say, this is the worst episode of all time. Vinci is Italian.
Wise, that was right. Congratulations.
The Italian thing is still. Congratulations.

There is another Italian restaurant at the Americana at Grand when the original DeLuka's Italian deli opened. DeLuca's.
I'm saying

it's another popular Italian.

You're just trying to get, you're trying to look in for data points to reaffirm your thesis and say you're ahead of the curve. You're grasping at Italian straws.

We can't say that we. What are you know what? They're red, white, and green.
The first part.

We should get into our food. We got it, DeLuca, because that is the order of the day.
Mitch, you got a fiery steak sandwich.

I actually thought this episode was going well. So when he said this podcast,

I thought that this. Well, Mitch, I thought so too.
Yeah, I thought so. So

the three of us thought we were having a good night. We're doing great.
I wasn't talking about the episode. I was talking about the podcast in general.
You're going to argue with that?

I agree with that. Yeah, yeah.
Okay. Fiery steak steak sandwich, grilled steak, fried onions, sliced tomato, arugula, melted provolone cheese, homemade spicy avocado spread on toasted chiabata.

So, this is a thing that I think a lot of you pointed out: spicy avocado spread. We're already not in Italy.
Guac, yeah, this is guac.

We're spreading guac on a saddle. That's such a good point.
Yeah, yeah, I've noticed that in LA. Yeah, they just love to like just like we're just throwing guac on it.
Here's some avocado.

What did you think of that sandwich? I liked it.

Wow. Mama Mia.

I can't help myself.

I like how how he still said it with the message. He says, Mama, Mia.

Do you kind of like everything, though?

No, I know. In fact, I don't.
I don't, you know, food, I don't know. I think I do like a lot of food, and I do, we're pretty nice to a lot of things on the podcast.

I feel like there's we eat a lot of dog shit, and I think we're nicer to it than a lot of other people. I don't know.
I think we can be pretty harsh. We'll give places one fork.

We'll give place zero forks if it deserves it. Recomplate club.
Yeah, we've got, we've gone, we, we, we will go after a place, but I think we're usually trying to compare it to,

you know, its sector, what it's trying to do. So, like, comparing it to

five-star. Not comparing this to big cities, you know what I mean? Like, comparing this to, like, like a chain version of this sort of thing.

I, yeah, I would have rather have gotten the Italian at Subway.

Wow. So, you got the Italian sandwich you got was

100%. That is so good.
Panino al prosciutto y mozzarella, imported prosciutto with sick fuck.

Imported prosciutto with fresh mozzarella, sliced tomato, and lettuce with a sun-dried tomato spread on a toasted baguette. That did not satisfy you.
No. Well, first of all,

you guys were complaining about, you know, sandwiches being too thick. Yes.

I don't know. It's like, that's part of it.
Okay. Save half of it.
Take half the meat off. Save it for later.
This had one thin little

thing. This was a skinny guy.
Yeah. Yeah, it was really skinny.
Yeah.

And then there was way too much of the spread. So it was soggy.
Oh, no. Yeah.
Real thin tube. Yeah.
I didn't have have any, but it did not look

like that. Okay, what I kept offering.
I said, take a bite. You also have a bite.
And it looked like such dog shape. Yeah.

Yeah, we said, no.

I didn't want a bite. I feel like the thing that Bay Cities does really well is the composition of the sandwich is perfect.
Sure. The bread level, the meat level, the cheese.

And like, it's just everything has their season. You know? Exactly.
A huge part of it is the ratio. Like, you don't want one thing overpowering.
Subway, you do a staggering. Italian from Subway.

Hot take. An Italian BMT.
Wow. Remember the spicy Italian salami and pepperoni? Oh, sure.
Best meets trio. Served by light Jared, not dark Jared.

I'm sorry, that's me being very mean. No, I think that's, I mean, I think it's reasonable.
Subway can customize it and put on my chipotle sauce. May no longer employ a pepperoni.
Oh, wait a minute.

Did you want the chipotle sauce? That was part of the issue because there was chipotle sauce popping up in some of these sandwiches. We'll get to it.

Dan, you got the panino agli affattati misti. A whole bunch of Italian words in here.

Sodored cold cuts, spicy salami, mortadella, Italian ham with sliced tomato, lettuce, and Swiss cheese on toasted baguette. I just wanted to get your classic Italian

shore. Right.
You know what I mean? Like, I grew up mostly in Maine, Italians, right? Like, and then, you know, Chicago has them too, and L.A., we've already talked about.

So I wanted to get the benchmark for that. And

here's the way I would describe it. That's the sandwich I get before I go to the movies at the Americana.
Right. And it's at that exact level of good.

That makes sense. Which is to say, mid.
Yeah.

It's mediocre. Yeah.
Let's be real. I do think yours was the best, though.
Because you got to just go for the classic and not. I'm perfectly satisfied.
Yeah. But is this?

Wait, is this one you go to or do you usually get something else? I've gotten the porchetta there before, but I remember that even it's mid. Yeah, sure.
It's at the Americana.

Nothing's knocking your socks off. No.

And if there there was another sandwich option there, I would have that before I go see, you know, weapons or whatever.

I remember where I went

up to when I went to Nordstrom to get my suit for

TIFF. Tiff.
Yeah.

Who was that Tiff? Toronto International Film Festival.

I went to a place we went to Bar Verde or Verde or whatever. Yeah, yeah, Bar Verde right there.
Yeah, Verde.

No, it's the Bar Verde is the bar slash restaurant on the top floor of the Nordstrom of the Americana Braun. Oh, yeah.
All the Nordstroms have their own,

a lot of the Nordstroms have their own restaurant, and they're usually branded differently. I got Turkey Club.
They were out of bacon, though. Yeah.
They used to have like the Nordstrom Cafe.

I know, I know. It's not a turkey club, though, is it? I know.

I was a little bad. I was just taking them out.

You know?

Sorry, we're having a separate conversation about the Nordstrom Cafe.

That was fun, though. It was like a party where two people break off.
I was like, that's a turkey club.

I had a turkey club and there was no bacon. They were like, we only have a little bit of bacon left.
And then there was, and then when they gave me the sandwich, there was no bacon.

So I was like, oh, weird. So, and then you reach out to me.
It's really

abusive towards the wait staff. So you go back to the kitchen.

Interesting. I've always been fascinated by the idea that you can rent out one of the condos at the Americana on Airbnb.

I don't know what you'd, I mean, it'd be cool. You could also live there.
You can also live there. There are apartments there.
Yeah. We know someone who lives there.
It's true.

We've said who it is before. It's Bugman.

I think about it every time I'm there.

I love that hack storyline that they get her an apartment. Oh,

yeah.

Nick, what did you get? Ah, wow. Thank you so much for asking.
I don't care. Whoever does that on this podcast.
What did I get? I got the Panino

Vegetariano. Oh, fuck.
Jesus Christ. Vegetariano? Panito Vegetariano.
I do like that the singular of Panini is Panino. Yeah, that's it.
That's right. It's fun to say.

I thought it was the male version.

Not after chemical Chris.

Sauteed spinach, roasted bell peppers, tomatoes, avocado, and goat cheese served on country whole white bread. Now, before we get into this, Amelia, you ordered yourself a lasagna.

Do we want to get into this lasagna incident? And do you have the audio available? Yes, I do. Kai.
Hell yeah.

I went to go pick up the

food. And when I got there,

I usually count everything to make sure everything's there. There were a couple items missing.
So I asked them for them, and they were really nice about it.

They're like, all right, one second, let's just get all your stuff.

So

I had everything taken out of the bag. Yeah.

And once I got the missing items, I put everything back together and I left.

And as I'm walking to my car,

I see a missed call on my phone and a voicemail. This is the voicemail I got.
Jimmy just got up to stretch. Hi, my name is from With the Lucas Atani and Belli.
You just picked up your channel order.

I think when you were packaging everything back up, you left the lasagna on the table.

If you're nearby and you're able to come get it, I have it.

Just give us a call back.

What a nightmare. All I can say to that is Maron.

I was just like, oh, Maroon.

I was running a little bit late. And my choice was go back and get the lasagna and be late or get to the studio and leave it behind.
And I chose to be literally literally literally.

Well, you made the right choice because we would have fired you, right, Nick?

I say always choose the food. Yeah, I think you should have gotten it.
I think you should have gone back and had the lasagna out of your mind. Probably still would have beaten Mitch.

I actually left later because you said she was going to be 10 minutes late. That's not a lie.

The parking situation at the Americana can be crazy sometimes. Yeah, it's a huge complex.
It would have added another 15 minutes. Yeah, I know, yeah, for sure.
Yeah.

Anyway,

we're sorry that you lost your lasagna. If you think it's abusive, you have to go to the Americana.

That's insane. Yeah.
If we had done the Tesla diner, it would have been much worse.

We talked about doing the Tesla Tesla diner, and I think we were a little like, is that? Because

I think it would probably suck. There's like three options on the menu also.

They keep contracting the menu. I'm working.

I'm not shit. I'm working, but I think we're also like,

it's one of those things where, like, even if you go and shit on this place, I think our little wieners are going to get mad at us.

The dope boys are supporting the Elon Musk Cafe by going to test the diner and saying they said it was bad, but they still gave money to Elon Musk. Shut up.
Yeah, shut up. Anyway.

I like that voice you do. Yeah, that's our fan.

What do you got in your house?

Let me look through your house. Let me see what you got in there.
Yeah, what do you got in your house? Where you got in your fucking house? Show us what you got in there.

Let me see a walkthrough of your house. I want to see everything

in your house. I want to see all your possessions.
Oh, that thing, that thing's bad that you got. You got a bad.

Typing it on your iPhone.

Oh, you like that lasagna? Well, that lasagna was made by Mussolini. There we go.

This is what we have to look forward to if we make it, by the way. But, Amelia, I just wanted to say, first off, thank you for getting the food.
Thank you for the raving the Americana.

And I want to give a shout out

to

because that is a very thoughtful thing to do that I think everyone would do at a feed place, you know?

Really nice. Should we bleep her name so that our listeners don't go to the Americana like, thanks for what you did for Amelia?

Don't do that to Amelia.

Am I wrong? She's like, I did what for who? She was like, what girl? She sucked you. Like, do you remember?

When Drake used a voicemail from his ex-girlfriend in a song and then she sued his ass for millions of dollars. Yeah, what's she's not consenting to this? Yeah, yes, yeah, yeah.

All right, we're gonna bleep her name. Yeah,

should I put her voice memo through a vocoder or something?

Make her sound like a

truly from your

cardoff.

That's interesting. I'm curious: does a single-party consent law, like, does that apply to voicemails in terms of recording? That's a good question.

I wonder how that works. Make her sound like Ghostface.
There you go. That's, yeah, that's an easy lift, right? Yeah, yeah.

It's just a plug-in. Yeah.

The ghost face little toggle.

Emma, you also got the same sandwich that Dan did. Yes.
What did you think? It was okay. It was pretty good.
It's very, it's very simple. Yeah.
I kind of like that.

It almost has a vibe like I could have made this myself at home. It doesn't feel like I got some extravagant sandwich, which I kind of liked.
Yeah. Amelia stole a bite of it too.
We shared. Oh, yeah.

Everyone is really nice about giving me

their scraps. Yeah.

Not their scraps, like, you know, substantial parts of their meal. Well, that's what

why I brought that up with Dan teeth this up because

I gave you half of my panini

vegetariano. Jesus Christ.

What did you think of that, bad boy? I didn't offer you half of my sandwich off the bat.

We only had like three sandwiches because we all passed it.

I had a lot to eat. I had some of your sandwiches.
You did have some of my sandwich, but right off the bat, I didn't say, here, half half of my sandwich. I feel bad now.
No, you're fine.

Didn't you get two sandwiches? I did get two sandwiches.

I shared the sandwiches with everyone.

He did offer up the chicken. Like, if anyone should should have given a sandwich, she was free to take any of the sandwich she wanted.

In fact, you were at the end, you were sadly looking, and I realized, and

you were like, can I have some? I was like, let me get in there. And I was like, yeah, of course.

I wasn't going to just throw it away. You or the flies were going to eat it.
If I did it by Mike Mitchell.

I think we're on the same page here where it was like surprisingly good. It was pretty moist, but it was still pretty good.
It was a sparrow level of moisture. Sparrow.
Some of that bread. For sure.

Very wet. And actually.
now

i i just heard i heard this that in the back

um the hair nets are kept in davy jones's locker is that that's true that is absolutely is true all right well emil you were at the restaurant did you see anything there yeah um

what's the googling wet guy movies right now

wet guy movies

aquaman obviously aquaman yeah but i think the icon and the microphone that was those were used last time

wet guy movies i I just Googled it as well. Wet Hot American Summer is the first one that comes up.
I feel the search going downhill.

Fuck AI. Yeah, fuck AI.
Useless. What's that movie where there's a mermaid who turns, who's a woman into Flash?

This is very funny.

So the first thing that came up was Wet Hot American Summer. The second thing was an IMDb wet movies,

which was the perfect storm, Titanic,

Waterwater, Water World, Avatar. Okay, there's some good ones in there.
The Way of Water, Open Water. Yeah.
And then the third result is Wet Jeans, sorted by popularity descending on IMDb. Okay.

So some fetishists put together every movie in which you see like Martin Sheen in wet jeans or something.

Cool. What's on there? Lost.

Okay. Smallville, Harry Potter, and the Deathly Hollows Part 2 Drive.
There are a lot of wet

jeans movies. It's like every movie has water in it.
Well, not all of them have jeans. You know, a costume, like, you know, Sense and Sensibility by Jane Austen, no jeans.

We did a, in Boy Scouts, we did a, we did a, a relay that was involved.

It was so fucking weird, but I think it was, it was supposed to be like a, like a survival lifeguard thing where you were wearing clothes while you were swimming a lap. Right.

So you know how to do that. Yeah, exactly.
So I do remember swimming in jeans. Like Navy SEAL training? I guess so, yeah.

I guess the idea is that if you go overboard, it would be like you'd be, that would, you'd know how to handle yourself in the water.

You know what's crazy? it makes that imdb ranking video of your boy scouts

is on there wigger choop65. now uh nick that just correct me if i'm wrong that was uh not navy seal training was circus seal training is that right that's right yes yeah

bounced a ball on my nose what what amelia what you were gonna say something oh i was gonna say that yeah um when i picked up the food i i went back into the kitchen because i was like why is this bread all wet yeah you got to go back to the kitchen you got to explain

i went back there

And Spongebob Square Pants. Oh, wow.
Oh, boy. That would explain it.
That makes sense. I already forget my favorite.
Yeah. Yeah.
So, Alana, when you classify,

did you notice anything odd in the kitchen back then?

Put me on the spot.

And say it as RFK, please.

What's that Wes Anderson movie? Life Aquatic. Yeah.
Steven Zoom. Jesus Zoom.
Jesus Zoom. Jesus.
Oh, my God. He was back there.
Don't worry. He was back there with the little fucking needle.
Oh, wow.

Jerking off. Wow.

That's what he does. Yeah, I didn't mind that Panino.
I thought it was pretty good. I also got a,

I also got a, I mean, like, it, like, you know, I didn't have high expectations for it. Like, like, the goat cheese just kind of like cut all the moisture a little bit.

Are you talking about goat cheese, though? Yeah, sure. I am.
You're not.

No, I'm not. I'm sorry.
I was just, it's hot. It is a little toasty anyhow.
Jesus. We turned on the AC.

I've heard that there's an issue that there is like a big fly cluster in front of

one of the ducks. So

we might have some routines anyway. I'm sorry.
I'm sorry. I was just kind of taking a deep breath.
I love how Anya left and was like, everything will be fine.

And then everything's falling apart immediately. No one's here anyway.
Anya's living on the other side of the country now. We have no one in studio actually managing this place.

And everything's falling apart. There's flies here.
There's more flies than humans. It's so fucking hot.
Yes, I am wearing a hoodie by choice for a style, but still it's fucking hot as shit.

I didn't even realize it was hot in here until you said that. And I was like, oh my God, it is sweltering in here.
It's so fucking hot. It gets a little warm.
And this studio specifically.

The other one is cool. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

And also, there's a ton of fly. I think we might have a conjuring situation.
There's dead bodies.

I honestly think it is a there. I think a conjuring is happening.
No one's flushing the toilets. Yeah.

No, that's just you guys.

I got a large pulpatine to share. I got that because it sounded like Palpatine.
That's the same guy in Star Wars. Yeah.
This is traditional Italian Emperor Palpatine from

the Star Wars

movies.

The Pulpatine is traditional Italian meatballs and peas with tomato sauce. These meatballs sucked.
I think they're pretty fucking bad. I think it's pulpetti type of.
Pulpetti?

There's an N in here. Oh, what the fuck? Pulpatine? Never mind.
Ignore me. I don't know.
Look, the only reason I ordered it is because it sounded like Palpatine. But

that said, I think this was a pretty good gauge of their meatball quality because those meatballs in isolation were pretty pissed for.

they were real meatballs were bad real fucking bad that made me sad I compared them to just like like soggy croutons they were kind of insubstantial they were pretty flavorless like like how are they unsubstantial

aftertaste wise I thought

yeah no they just stayed in your mouth they kind of small sort of a cat food feeling yeah I thought they were fucking

I've smelled cat food enough to know what it tastes like and and you're right thank you yeah all right let me ask you this do you like when your cat comes up to you and has the cat food breath? Yes.

I do too. It's cute.
There's something cute about it. Okay.
I also like when Jemi has like dinner cable breath. I kind of get it.
Oh, yeah. Like a familiar stench can be in you.

I'll put my finger near my cat's mouth and they'll chew on it. I'll get a little

cute.

Now, you have a dog. Do you

like, does she eat anything ever? Let's start there because she's very small. No, she's getting a little fat, actually.

She's 11 pounds now. Wally's 14 pounds.
And she's got a little gut.

And we got to work her out. You got a Yorkie, right? Yeah.
Yeah. So that's a small dog.
11 pounds for a Yorkie and a little bit of extra girth. Yeah.

She was supposed to be five pounds, but she just keeps growing. Here's the thing about Yorkies.
They're secretly sort of big, big boys. Interesting.
Big boys and girls. They're beautiful.

They're like stocky.

I asked the vet about Wally. I was like, because he's nine years old, which, you know, he's middle-aged,

but, you know, many, many years left, I hope. And

I asked the vet, I was like, should I start putting him on a diet? Cause he's 14 pounds. And she was like, no, he's healthy.
She's like, he's healthy. He's doing well.

That's a baby boy. She's like, yeah, yeah.
And she's like, you know, maybe if he gets heavier, we got to put him on a diet. That's like the opposite of doctors because doctors are just like,

you're actually average weight. So you should lose five pounds before.

Yes, that's, I mean, I am on the shot. I've told you I'm on zep bound.
And how's that going?

It's gone well. You've lost a lot of weight.
You're looking tremendous. I lost 45 pounds.
That's amazing.

Whoa. That's amazing, Mitch.
Can you get a good fight? Oh, are you surprised by that over there, Dave?

We see you so often.

It's so great.

Yeah, I see you constantly, so you don't notice it when you still look good. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Shut the fuck up, Mitch.

No, you've always looked good. No, you know what? You've always looked like shit.

There you go. That's the answer I want.
You still look like shit. Thank you.
Thank you, Emma.

Thank you, both of you.

But

yeah, I've lost about 45 pounds. Wow.

It works. The shot works.

But my doctor, everyone has always said, I've said this before, but everyone is always like, I asked my doctor to get on that stuff. And my doctor told me to take it twice.
Two years in a row.

He's like, you should take, you should take one of these drugs. Wow.
And then I did. I finally took it.

But

it is helpful as far as that you can't eat as much. I guess that is

the trick of it.

We should talk about, though, Wally.

Wally I mean in my Wally on Zeppbound well no what I was gonna say is the other podcast You know Wally's an enforcer for the Gambino crime family and it's just it's not going to it's not gonna end well

It's not cool, you know Mitch you also got the mozzarella polo picante sandwich now and I know it's pollo in Spanish, but it is polo in Italian is that correct or do you say pollo as well?

It's polo, yeah. Jeez, I have no idea.
Uh, but this is black and chicken breasts, slightly spicy. Um, and I will get to that because I was like, I mean, another one that's not really an Italian.

Look, we were, this is something that we discussed before we even got into this sandwich chain of like, what is an Italian deli?

And there's, you know, there's, there's like a, there's a, like a classic cold cut Italian deli, but then there's some that have hot subs. You know what I mean?

Like there, I feel like when you go to one that has like the best Italian

chicken parm hot sandwich. That's you.
See, there's some Italian delis like that to me. Then there's like cold cut Italian that's like has a cold case and like don't have any hot subscribers.

Powder's ham shaped ham or whatever. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
I don't know. And there, and then on the east coast, there's so many, you're spoiled with just so many sub-shops.

Like you were saying, like

LA has a few good sub-shops or whatever. And this place is trying to do a lot of different stuff.
Yeah, this almost tasted like it was like southern cooking. It was interesting.
It was a strange.

It was a chicken barbecue. Yes, because it has sliced tomato, fresh basil, fried onions, addition to the black and chicken breast, melted mozzarella, and a chipotle aioli on a toasted baguette.

Look, I I will say this had more heat than I expected. And I'm a bit of a heat seeker, so I enjoyed it, but I like, I

was not impressed, I like enjoyed the spice, enjoyed the burn, but was not necessarily impressed by the composition of the sandwich overall. I thought it was like, whatever, you know, I don't know.

Did you like it? I thought it was just okay. Yeah, it's just okay.

It wasn't bad. Like, I didn't know the quality of any of this stuff was bad.
Yes. Necessarily.
I thought the meatballs were bad. The meatballs were the one thing that I thought was bad.

And honestly, brought down my fork score. We also got some salads.
Dan, you got the insulata caprese. I also got that as part of the combo salad.

You get three salads in one bin, which they, Gary, just giving you a fucking trough of salad.

Garbanzo salad, insolata caprese, and insolata de faro is what I got. And then, Mitch, you got the

gamelli, creamy gamelli, rigatoni pasta, and oricette. Okay, the smurf killer.

Yeah, I was trying to be respectful. Like, okay, I'll get a sandwich.
And then here, you guys are loading up the order. Oh, yeah, you can go to the bottom.

It was time to hit the credit card, I'm sure. Yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. You got got to take advantage.
If you're coming on this shitty podcast,

you should have taken us for all we were worth. That said, all of these salads I thought were pretty whatever.
I didn't realize that was three salads in one bin. It looks like one big mass.
It is.

It basically is one huge...

There's no way you're going, oh, this is the Pharaoh salad and this is like a garbanzo sad.

It's not even a salad. Like Wike says, it's like a trough of pasta.
Yeah. And when I tried to differentiate them, I just felt like I was getting the same bites.

It's kind of like a deli salad, like a quinoa salad or something, not like a leafy greens. Yeah, it didn't help also that uh Amelia put mine on the floor and I ate out of it like a pig.
Exactly.

We're eating. We learned you had a curly tail, which I did.

My tail popped out, which I was embarrassed by that. My tail popped out.
You pull it and it gets curly again. That was cute.

And I was, you know,

and whenever you did that, I would wee. I have,

that was cute. Yeah.
Let me check my ancestry.com again.

100% farm

100%

USA

pork.

I don't know, Dan, were you at all enthused about that in Caprese? In fairness to the place, I kind of forgot that a caprese salad is just cheese and tomatoes. Yes.
It's all it is.

It's well, it's supposed to have the basil

and the drizzle.

I guess they had

it was wet.

It looked like it was from the Vons deli count.

I like

eh everyone. Let's knock Vaughn's here.
Let's speak. Let's watch what we say here.
Sub-Vons.

Maybe.

I think so. I mean, I didn't.
I mean, no, no, no. It's a hot take, but it's possible.

I don't want to.

Speaking of hot take, I have something to say in a moment. Okay.

Just circle back.

These salads I thought were going to be cold salads. Yeah.
I got three that were hot salads.

Wait, is this the thing you were going to say in a minute? Yes. So you just said it now.
I'll say it now. I gave up.

Well, I was basically done. I mean, all I can say is that.

You just said, come back to me here. I'm saying it.
I gave up. I realized it's not worth holding on to.
I had three hot salads. You just had to let it go, like a resentment.

I got three things of pasta. Hot pasta.
I thought they were going to be cold salad deli cakes. What were they? They were gargameli.

Again, not the Smurfs villain.

Rigatone, gargan. What is is it? Garganzola? Garmenbelli.
Garmenbo.

Garbonzo. No, no, no, not garbanzo.
I'm sorry. Hold on.
Gamelli, rigatoni, and orichette. Gamelli, yes.
Gamelli's a type of pasta. Orichetti.

Those were the three. Okay.

The garganelli was the. So

this salad with like feta was hot? Yeah, they were all three of them. They were all warm.
They were all warm. It sounds kind of gross.
Were they pastas? They were all pastas.

I don't know if they were supposed to be. It says that the orichette is supposed to be cold pasta.
Oh, it was hot. Weird.

Yeah, because you would never have like heirloom tomatoes and feta and basil on a hot because it was sitting on the bottom.

Maybe it was, maybe, maybe, maybe it was sitting next to the I thought so, but it was hot when I first got there.

Now, Amelia, when you drove it back, you did put it under the hood, right?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

So you keep all of our, we want all of our food warm when it's delivered.

I also, I'm remembering now, because, Amelia, you're like, there was something funny because I picked up that salad and then I went back into the kitchen and the human torch Johnny Storm was working in the grill.

Yeah, that's right. That explains it.
Yeah, that was crazy. That was crazy.
That was so weird that that happened the summer that that came out. It really is.
Yeah, what a coincidence. Like, it's so

that is actually nuts that that happened to you. Yeah.
And I'm saying this, not that I'm trying to think of another hot thing

at all.

Uh, you know, or fiery thing. Uh,

just just thinking, yeah, I'm just, you know, Charmander was also in there. God damn it.

Also, I, I, I, I called up and Varang answered the phone, who's uh, the villain from uh, Avatar, Fire, and Axe. Right, of course, yeah.
You know, Varang.

Who Natiri will be out, and we'll be bringing up Varex because she is looking good. Yeah,

that Ashnavi is going to make you, I think, forget all about Natiri.

She's looking good. You know, it's crazy, though, who didn't.
I went in the back kitchen and saw someone endorsing Rick Crusoe for mayor. It was Satan.
Oh,

you know what? This all makes sense. Yeah, that's all adds up.
How crazy is that?

Did you finish your thought? You were starting to say something when Mitch went on his tangent. Yeah.
And I don't feel like you ever landed the plane. I think all I said was that,

who am I? Nathan Fielder? Come on.

But seriously,

I would say I don't want to judge the Caprese salad too harshly because I feel like I played myself a little bit on that. Sure.

What can I expect from this place? I'm not, to begin with, it's kind of a ridiculous.

You may be played yourself, but you got to judge.

That's what our it's our duty

as doughboys, and we should get to our four scores and doughboys and girls. You know what? We were going to maybe change it to dough men.
We were talking about this. We've grown up.

We're at the age where maybe it should be dough men.

Dough people are pretty dough people. I mean, why do they need to be gendered? That's true.
Why exactly? Let's go woke. Yeah.
You're like Disney.

Patriot. Not if you go woke, you go broke.
Get him out of here.

Do you know that

the Disney,

little cottages near

Near Galsens? Yeah, near Galson's. Yeah, that's what I'm saying.
That was where he lived, right?

That's where the Imagineers all cheated on their wives.

So this is fun. Tamo Shanters.
That's fun.

They all wanted Tamo Shanters, but

the little cottages there. Have I said this fact? You have fantastic time.

But it is fun. Mitch, wait for the episode we did on the Disney strike.
Those guys were having a lot of sex in the

Disney. It was a bit of a shock to me that they were all fucking fucking inside.
They were getting goofy, so to speak.

Wow.

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All right, we should get to our fork scores. So, Alana, Dan, this is how this will work.

We'll each go around, give a closing argument, if you will, anything you want to say that sums up your experience, and then give and the end by giving that a score or giving this chain, rather, DeLucas Italian Delia, a score from zero to five forks.

Alana, seated to my right, you are our guest. We'll start with you.
Your thoughts, your fork score for DeLucas.

Okay,

I'm going to go with a one.

One forward. One forward.

Wow. Wow.
Yeah.

Yeah.

Honestly,

the bread. When I even isolate the elements of this sandwich, it is an abomination to my ancestors.
Okay. The soggy bread, this disgusting

sun-dried tomato spread that's just sogging the bread. And then too little prosciutto.
Yeah. Which, you know how I feel about that.

Just an old piece of mozzarella. And then romaine, which is going to discuss prosciutto itself.
We were.

It's controversial.

Let's hear your take.

You think it's the top Italian? I think, yes, I do. Wow.
And what's your defense of that? That's a good question. The salt con, it's just so salty.
Yeah. It's so tender and kind of disgusting.

I mean, it is. There's a lot of it is kind of disgusting.

Eating prosciutto on its own, I'd never, like, if it's wrapped around a melon, I like it. That's what I was going to say.
It's so salty. I don't know why.

I don't know if you're a prosciutto fan. I like it okay.
I mean, I'm just, I'm not really eating pork in general for the most part. I think it's sweet and savory, which is kind of fun.

Like with melon and honey, it's kind of more salty. Yeah, it has a lot of rain.
I might be the only person here who, what prompted this was me saying earlier, I kind of don't like prosciutto.

And the Italian meats I like tend to be like the spicy, you know, the capacity.

Yeah, I like that. I was, I was with you in that I don't like it.

I remember as a young Irish boy going up to my Italian friend's house and they were having just fresh prosciutto out of the fridge and they were just gobbling it down.

And this is when you were working at the cab stand, right? That's right. That's right.

these these my italian friends were just throwing it in their mouths and i and i tried braziudo and i was like oh this is weird i did not like it uh as i've gotten older i like it but i like it with other things i don't like it straight i straight up prosciutto i don't like a lot of one fork dan your thoughts your fork score so i got as emma said i just got a middle down the middle

sandwich I don't think this couldn't be anything you find at Panera bread. Sure.
But I'm grading it as this is what I eat before I go to the movies for a matinee showing of the naked gun, right?

Alone.

And really, Alana, really hammering that I'm going alone. Hey, that's where I would see the movie by yourself.
Did you go to like a double feature by yourself the other day?

We were like, I was in the movie theater for 10 hours and I was like, oh, we're here for two. Fake news.
This is so fake news. Sounds like a great day.
No, it does. It does.

But I just would, I thought you would go with a friend. I don't fucking go.
Look, I think Mitch will back me up on. Oh, I have an anecdote.
I saw Mitch at the Vista theater once. Oh, no.

The lights came up. Oh, no.
Oh, no. No, no.
Listen. I don't know if this is embarrassing.

No. He was jacking off like peewee.
No.

This was like a couple years ago, and I wanted to introduce myself because I'm such a big fan.

The problem was it was, without a doubt, the worst possible movie we both could have seen for someone to then introduce themselves to you after, it was

Zone of Interest. Yes.
Wow.

Did I see that? Was that? I went to that with someone. I forget who I saw that with.

I'll tell you after. I think I recognize the other folks.

But anyway, so yeah, I go to the movies alone. Big deal.
Who cares? Trump, J.D. Vance.

It was Peter Thiel. It was.

So. With that said, I'm giving it two and a half forks.
Two and a half forks. Because I'm going to go see

Zone of Interest later. and

it's back in theaters. Back re-release.
It's in IMAX now. Oh, there you go.
Yeah. So we'll see that.
Wise listens to the zone of interest soundtrack. Yeah, just the audio cues.
Yeah.

I

Jemmy's back.

You all right over there? Damn, Lamb. Just like, go on.

100 degrees. Yeah, I mean, it's fucking hot.

Yeah.

I was just back there, and I think I know why the AC isn't working. Why is that? The heat miser was there.

Well, also, there's a thing on this, which is good environmentally, that it turns up to 76 degrees, as we just saw. But I've had it at 60 since we got here four hours ago.

So it should be cool in here.

I am not as, I'm not going to be as hard on this place as everyone else. DeLuca's.
I mean, I don't care about it.

And it does it feel like a fake Americana place. Yes.

If I'm at the Americana and I want a sandwich, I went to Bar Verde the other day and I don't know what great options you have.

I've never sat in this room. I think there's a Mike Subs right on.
Oh, is there Jersey Mike's? Yeah.

Sorry, that's a good one. I would choose Jersey Mike's.
No, Jersey Mike's is so much better. Come on, that's a perfect example.

I would go to Jersey Mike's over this 100%.

Cordo's is right down the street

anytime.

I also, but you know, my steak sandwich was good.

Would we agree that that was the best sandwich? I didn't have any, but it, yeah.

I thought thought it was pretty good.

The salads, the pastas were okay. The garganelli was the worst.
Gamelli. Oh, fuck.
Jamelly? Gamelli? Gargamelli. I don't know.
I just think of Jemmy every time.

Does Jimmy just coming in and out because I opened the door. Is there a Diet Coke in that can or is it empty? I just don't want to spill all over your pants.
Oh, it's empty being a huge pig. Sorry.

No, I just want to make sure it wasn't going to spill all over your pants.

Then I'd have wet jeans and be on

the list. Actually, in that case, can you spill some on your pants?

Add the Doughboys to the wet jeans list because I'm sure we've had it. uh the doughboys double you can put on there um

which uh when i met thomas hayden church on the set of twisted metal he was like what's the dough boys double he asked me what the dough boys double was um because it's on

my imdb and they're like it's basically sideways

just it's just as much high quality as sideways uh well exactly i think this is for me i'm gonna go right in the middle of the row because i was like well okay whatever

You know what? I like an Italian sandwich shop. This is trying to be a little too fancy, it seems like.
And it it is definitely not working because no one here seems to like it.

I maybe was the one who liked it the most. Three forks for me, right in the middle.
Wow.

It's hot as shit.

I'm tired. Yeah.
I've been going for a while. This meal was maybe okay.
That's like I can just kind of damn it with faint praise.

I will say that the vegetariano, I still cannot say it, did exceed my expectations just by tasting like something. I expected it to taste like a wet nothing.

Rick Crusoe sucks, right? We don't like this guy. He's a piece of shit.
Yeah, I'm the real comrade. You're given one for.
So you're putting money in his pockets. Yeah, I'm not voting for him again.

Once. Gwyneth tricked you the one time.

Did Gwyneth vote for him? She did, yeah. She endorsed him.
I will say

I would have liked to have gone in person. I tried to.
It was closed, but I wanted to see what the aesthetic was as conceived of and built by Poon Design.

I would have loved to have seen this Poon Design exterior and interior. Unfortunately, I did not get to see Poon's vision.

Speaking of Poon design, I'm never buying another one of your candles, Guene.

But

I just didn't, I don't know. I wasn't impressed by any of this.
And like, I would never go back here.

And if we're talking about like a value in this as a chain, it's like there's so many places to eat in LA.

Like, I guess if you happen to be captive in one of these malls and this is the specific thing you're craving, then shh, and you want to get a quick bite, that's the one instance in which it should make sense to go there.

But there's no reason to go out of your way to go here. If this starts expanding, uh, you know,

the regionally or nationally, it's like there's no reason for this to be anyone's destination. Uh, Italian sandwiches will spread.
Do you think it's gonna spread?

No, I think it's gonna stay pretty local because that's how Caruso seems to do business here.

But I'm just saying, hypothetically, like the value in this is a chain restaurant, I think this is one and a half forks, one forks.

Shit, I want to see real high. Yeah, there's just not much to it.
I will say, in fairness, having been there, the decor is nice, it looks okay in there.

yeah they have the nice thing of like the flavored water like the cucumber water i do like that that's a fun type in that hotel lobby very nice spa water yeah spa water yeah and um and supposedly the coffee's good which we didn't get any this time so maybe there's and it was relatively inexpensive i'm just saying this in slight defense in context of everything that's high-end shopping center yeah

uh yeah i don't know i mean like whatever that was this is like we're reviewing deluca's italian delivery we're about done here right right, Mitch? We're about near the finish line.

What, you, you, you gotta, what are you gonna hang here? You gotta reassess this with a clear head. Okay.
When are you gonna dump? Where are we done with get played?

That's a great question.

Sorry, sorry, back weather. I've already been, I've already been thinking about it.
Guys, if our podcast gets blamed for killing the Doughboys, we're fucking never getting out of our play.

It's not your podcast. It's not your podcast.
Yeah, I know.

We're going to hang it. What are you talking about? DeLucas is a great example of why the show must go on.

Sure.

Wigs, wigs, wikes. Everyone's like,

we're doing great. Hey, it's time for a segment.
I get a mystery drink, and Mitch and Alana and Dan must divine its contents. It's the Weiger Challenge.
Amelia, you acquired a beverage for us.

Yes, would you like to participate since you don't know what it is? I can't. No, I can't participate in the Weiger Challenge.

I don't know what the Weiger Challenge is, but tell me what it is so I can reveal.

She can't just tell you what it is. No, well, then they message me what it is.
I'll text you what it is. There are two varietals.
Wow, okay. So Emma's going to help me bring them.

Wow, it's like a wine. It should have been the Mitch chat.
I should have taken over.

You can do that soon enough. Like the WarioWare version.
Yeah.

Oh, I'm. This is.
Thank you. Wait a minute.
The WarioWare version. I don't know.

It's more fun to be Wario. Thank you.
You can take these.

These are both. Both of them? Those are both of the same one.
Both the same one. Oh, so one of those is for you.
Okay, so this is a clear, colorless liquid with a little bit of effervescence.

Okay, you got a sodium jar.

I'm smelling almost like a cherry vanilla coke. Yeah, good nose to it.

Oh man, it's fucking bad. Oh,

my God. That tastes like fabuloso.
Yeah, that's really bad.

It's really bad. I got this air freshly noxious at a car wash for free.
And I'm so thirsty, so I like really glugged in.

That is horrible. What the fuck is this? Hold on.

We have another one that is another clear, colorless liquid with a little bit of effervescence. All right.
Take a sip of this, some bitch. Let's take a look at this one.

This is root beer water. Whoa.
Root beer water. I was going to say, this is clearly a cream soda diet thing.
Yeah, diet cream soda. That's got to be it.
And this is a root beer. So let's see.

Oh, this is a root beer. Ooh.
It's going to be how clear they're both completely clear. They look like water in the cup.

But it doesn't taste like root beer. This one's better.
It just tastes like a root beer that's not sweet, which is weird. It tastes like.

It tastes like essence of root beer. That's right.
Yes. It's still stronger.

Yeah. Yeah.

All right.

Both gross. All-time bad Weigertal.
Yeah, these are fucking terrible. No, this.
Okay,

I kind of like this one. The Rudolphier one? Yeah.
Here, let me go back to the first one.

The first one is horrid. Have you had the liquid death root beer flavor? I have.
It's weird. The first one, I think, is pretty disgusting.

I feel like if you like that, you might like the liquid death root beer flavor. Strong after the first one, I can't even.

The second one is tolerable. The first one, I think, is putrid.

Yeah.

Is it a cream soda or is it?

There's like a floral citrus thing happening when you say that? I hated, I hated, I hated these.

I hated these.

Worse than piss?

I don't know. Let's see.
Wait, do you mean am I here? Am I am I pissing this out?

I mean, well, hopefully. Yeah, no, but wait, wake.
No, I wasn't saying this is the worst thing to piss out than piss. It was the worst thing to drink than piss.

I should have got two glasses piss and this drink. The other one is.

I was going to say, if I pissed this this out, I mean, I guess like your piss would be sticky. So that also would be worse.
You know what? It would be worse than piss. Say it would be in both ways.

It would be worse than something else. And I think we'll have to have a chat after this episode.
All right, though. Can we get some anyone want to guess for the Weiger challenge?

We've got two different candidates here. We can take guesses for both.
Let's start with the first one that we got.

I'm

going to guess, I think cream soda was mentioned. Yeah.
This is

cream soda seltzer. Dan is guessing a cream soda seltzer.

Oh, I have an idea.

What do you got? Maybe it's like a Dr. Pib, a diet

pib, or it's some sort of like diet or like calorie-free, sugar-free version. I don't think it's a seltzer.
I think it's trying to be a soda. And it has that really horrible, like aspartame sort of.

Yeah, it's so. I mean, I really.
So you're thinking a cali. What is your guess? A calorie-free?

Like a zero.

What's like a famous cream soda? Dr. Nutt in Confederacy and Dunces? No, it's not that nice.
It's a great name for a soda. I'm going to say, like, you know, like those New York deli drinks? Yes.

I'm going to say it's like a Scroopier New York. Yeah, but there's like a New York one that's like...
Remember those? We're guessing the first one. This could never be the one.

Then I'm going to say the cream soda seltzer diet seltzer. I mean, I just don't know.
Okay, so you're both in the same sort of ballpark. What's your guess?

You're feeling something a little different. No, I think it's a cream.

Is Mr. Pib, whatever.
Mr. Pibb's like, what, the southern doctor? I don't want to taste this again, but knockoff?

Yeah, yeah. I'm not sure what the, where it's from.
I mean, Dr. Pepper is from Texas, so I'm not sure where Mr.
Pibb is. I think this is a diet cherry.
Geographically, there's a cherry elephant.

There is, this is what I'm saying. There's a, there's a, like a flavor.
Are you guessing the first one? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Okay, so hold on. Let's get some guesses.

Let's say a cream soda seltzer. Cream soda seltzer.

Cherry vanilla seltzer. Cherry vanilla seltzer.
I was going to say cherry vanilla sprite zero. Cherry vanilla sprite self-serve.
That is the, that's more what it is. Thank you.

It is Zevia vanilla cola.

Zero sugar. I think Alana gets it because of the zero in there.
I think that serves as a tiebreaker.

You're saying Zevia root beer. Anyone else? It's got to be.
Well, hold on. Let me taste again.
Yeah.

sucks wait a minute i think i know exactly what it is yeah it's the xevia ginger root beer xevia ginger root beer i think alana

this zivia what what is it you can't copy the one i came up with no no like don't the ginger there's no ginger in this this is just a

this is just a root beer

There is, there is ginger in this. Dan nailed it.
This is the Zevia ginger root beer. No.
You each get a point in the Weiger challenge. Mitch gets the goose egg.

Just like a restaurant fire feedback, what's up with the feedback?

Do you have the goose egg?

Today's email is from Daniel. Daniel writes: Hi, Doughboys, and members of the Deus.
I am an architect at the Washington, D.C. Metro.
Wow.

And I'm thrilled by your support of trains and public transportation. My question for you is: which foods do you think could stand to be longer or even super long, akin to a train?

I recently dreamed that I had to transport a comically long braided halal bread, and it was flip-flopping all over the place. I tried to control it.

Maybe I just had trains and food on the brain when I went to bed. Keep on trucking.
trucking. Are listeners dreaming about yourself?

We have a member of the bread.

How do you say it? Because the way you said it is halal.

How do you say it? Hala. Hala.
Halal. It's like on your hollow.
Halal. Hala.

This is a great question. Let me say also: the DC Metro has the best stations.
Love those stations.

I love these cavernous bat cave stations. Yeah, wonderful architecture.
By the way, were these

just here?

No. No, no, I got them.
You brought them? Oh, my God. Thank you, Amelia.
I'm sorry we shat all over them, but

that's the game, right? That's the game. I'm pretty sure the whole thing is everything's made with stevia, which is why they have that.
Yeah, there's that's really good. So it's zero sugar, but it's.

It's, yeah, it's zero sugar. I have a can right here.

I mixed them and it was worse.

This is the kind of drink that just immediately gives you cancer. Like, it's like forever chemicals.
Like, it's. And our sponsor, Zevia.

So long foods or foods that should be longer. Look, here's the thing.
What's the question? What foods do you think could stand to be longer or even super long akin to a train?

This is a real from our listener who dreamed about long foods. Yeah, this is a real dumb question, but thank you for your service, Dan.
I'm sorry, not to go back to the Washington, D.C. Metro.

As an architect, very cool. Not to go back to Costco, but I think Costco, you can get a super long sandwich.
You can get a super long sub there. Yeah.
That's a lot of fun.

I always dreamed of having a very long sandwich. It seems like a fun thing to do.

I bring a party sub when I go to the movies alone, just to keep lunching through it.

All right, so let's think. So I guess it has to be a food that isn't already super long.
Well, no, here's the thing. I think you can lengthen an existingly long food.

And I would just say, like, I always have the dream of, you know, the cartoon single noodle spaghetti where you get to, like, it's one fucking big spaghetti noodle that's coiled in a big thing.

And you get to coil it up on one fork and stab a meatball with it, and

it is one meal. Yeah, that seems like a fun thing to do, like a cartoon character.
Nick Weiger delivering his dream at the Lincoln Memorial. A little different.

Um,

I, for some reason, my mind is being drawn to

like those New York street pretzels being much larger. That's funny.
Oh, sure. That's fun.

Super long churro also making me think

a javelin churro.

That would be a fun novelty. If you get to get like a fucking, you know, eight-foot churro at a fair, people would love that.
That's fun. Yeah.

I've already told you that strawberry shortcake, I wanted to make a strawberry long cake. I thought that would be fun.
Yeah, strawberry long cake is really fun, Mitch. That was a great idea.
It's fun.

It's really, really smart.

Also, think about this: Mitch's pizzeria. It would be strawberry tall cake.
That's true. Oh, yeah, no, that's that is what we said.
That is actually, we did say it. I think long cake is better.

Maybe long cake is the way to go. Yeah.
Well, I won't cake the band.

I want a tall

cake with a long

or something.

Oh, boy.

I didn't stick the landing here. All right.
No, you're perfect.

You're perfect to be on this podcast. Thank you.

That's perfect, though, boys.

Not only not sticking the landing, crashing on takeoff.

Not even getting up the runway straight into the fucking building.

Oh,

they were crashing on takeoff, basically.

But think about it. Birch's Pizzeria, home of the long slice.
You would be like, Yeah, like a long slice is fun. I'd like to see what is a long slice all about.

A slice gotta be long as fun.

Yeah, it's gotta be fucking long. But enough about your golf game, Nick.
We're talking about food right now. Why can you flatter me?

I can think of something long that could be longer.

Wait a bit. We're talking about Nick's tiny.
I don't know. No, no.
Sorry, that's the wrong bit.

I'm sorry that this person. This is a a phallic question.
It is a phallic question. You're making us think a hot.

He's dreaming about it. He's dreaming about this long holiday that just gets longer.
I'm glad he wrote in saying that rather than I had a dream of all the trains crashing at the same time. And

we have a son of Sam killer on the.

Well, that's probably one of our other listeners.

Tell me you want to go here tomorrow. McDonald says.

We got long McNuggets. I'm in.

Can we also talk about how they brought the snack wrap back because it's so good well it's a dollar and pound bargain as new kingridge tweeted maybe too i i i like the snack wrap i had it the other day yeah though i do i think i like the mc chicken more but hey long mc chicken would be a super long snack wrap that would be great that would be great yeah that'd be a real hoop like a snake the bk'd long chicken sandwich just make it longer that's

you can lengthen that for sure or like

six feet long i was trying to think of small foods that you can lengthen but i can't a tater tot

long tots Long tots. We haven't talked about long tots.
We talked about long. We have brought up long tots, but we haven't talked about long tots in a while.
Long tots is actually a great candidate.

And long tots, again, not to, that is your favorite clothing store.

If you have a question or comment about the world of chain restaurants, you can email us at feedback at birdfuck.com or leave us a voicemail at 830 go to that.

Yeah, go for it. How about home of the four-foot fry?

Would you not find it? Would you not go find that? I'd want to try that long frying. You keep saying fried things, but it's very hard to, like an eight-foot churro.

Is it a human-sized fryer? You need a big, you know what? That's a good point. You need a big ass deep fryer.
And then some basketball do fall in. Yeah, exactly.
That's more for our podcast. I think.

Our producer is Emma Erdbrink. Our associate producer, Amelia Marino.
Our video editor is Mike Dorfman. Doughboys Apparel and Merchandise at kinshipgoods.com slash Doughboys.

The Doughboys Double at patreon.com/slash Doughboys. And Mitch, we should shout out the Doughboys comic.
Yes. Which you can find at brkids.com.
That's right. Brkids.com.
Issue two shipping soon.

People have issue one in their hands and the associated toy, which are part of the tableau here. Looks like Weiger fell down.

Which about tracks with where I'm at right now?

The

stand and tall.

Brkids.com.

Just be our kids. Like OU.

Yeah. Am I not saying it? No, no, you are.
I clarify.

B-O-U-RKids.com. And that URL will also be in our show notes.
O-U-RKIDS. K-I-D-E-K.
Oh, is it Z?

K-I-R Kids with it. BeourKids.com.
Yeah, beourkids.com. Or just go to birdfuck.com.
Go to birdfuck.com and there's a link for it there. But yeah, check out the Dough Boys comic.
People love it.

And Alex Fear and Francis Stressing and May Casey did an awesome job on it.

Also, who did an awesome job? Our guest today, Alana Hope Levinson, Dan O'Sullivan. The outfit is the new podcast about the mafia.
Please tell us about it. Please plug away.

And thank you both so much for giving us so much of of your time. Please.
Are you kidding? Thank you for having us.

Welcoming us to the headgum family of like a crime family.

How about that?

That's one of the flies.

That's the flies. There's a corpse.

Yeah. Listen, if you like mob stuff, you like this sort of nonsense that we've been joking around with you.
We don't talk about jacking off as much, but we could.

I don't know. That's another thing.

I don't know. That's a veto.

So. If we touch the mic the way you were shot.

But every week we tell a different mob story from around the world that says something about the world we live in. And it's really been a lot of fun.
And so please check it out.

You said that's a veto. I'm sure a veto comes up on your show, Question.
I'm sure. Oh, my God.
Mike, I'm screaming. Okay.

Yeah, give it a listen.

The outfit.

Welcome to the family. Welcome to the Headgum family, the outfit here on Headgum, available wherever you listen to podcasts.
That'll do it for this episode of Doughboys.

Until next time, for the Spoonman Mike Mitchell, I'm Tiger Wager. Happy eating.
See ya.

Spilled a whole glass of water over the table.

Jesus, do something. Oh my God.

Oh, my God.

That was a Headgum podcast.