Plant Power Fast Food with Ashly Burch and Mort Burke

This is a head gum podcast.

Want to watch this episode?

Check it out on our YouTube channel by going to youtube.com/slash Doughboys Media.

Wages, lately I've been reaching for the same thing for lunch and dinner multiple times a week.

Goodles!

Goodles taste just like the mac and cheese we know and love, but packed with protein and nutrients.

And the newly launched single-serve cups are perfect for busy schedules.

That's right, Wags.

Goodell's cups are a lifeserver.

When I'm in a hurry and only have a few minutes for lunch or dinner, just add water, microwave, and have a snack or meal ready to go.

Wow.

Every serving of Goodall's mac and cheese has 14 grams of protein, 7 grams of fiber with prebiotics, and 21 vitamins and minerals from real plant sources.

They have an amazing variety of flavors.

My favorite is the Shell of Good.

Shella Good is Shella Good, Wags.

Plus, there are vegan and gluten-free options.

It's a low-glycemic index food, which means it provides steady energy instead of a carb crash.

And on top of that, it's kosher and clean label purity award certified.

Do what we did: get yourself some goodles.

We know you'll love them too.

Pick up goodles on your next shopping trip.

It's available nationwide at Target and Walmart, plus many other major grocery stores and retailers.

And don't forget the new single-serve cups.

Audival's romance collection has something to satisfy every side of you.

When it comes to what kind of romance you're into, you don't have to choose just one.

Fancy a dalliance with a duke or maybe a steamy billionaire.

You could find a book boyfriend in the city and another one tearing it up on the hockey field.

And if nothing on this earth satisfies, you can always find love in another realm.

Discover modern rom-coms from authors like Lily Chu and Allie Hazelwood, the latest romanticy series from Sarah J.

Maas and Rebecca Yaros, plus regency favorites like Bridgerton and Outlander, and of course, all the really steamy stuff.

Your first great love story is free when you sign up for a free 30-day trial at audible.com/slash wondery.

That's audible.com/slash wondery.

In 1909, the USDA first tracked per capita meat consumption in America.

The figure represented a high watermark until the late 1940s, America's economy and eating habits subdued by a Great Depression flanked flanked by two world wars.

But since World War No.

2, the quantity of meat eaten per person has steadily climbed new heights, by some figures doubling since the 1960s, a triumph for the meat and dairy industry, which aggressively lobbied the public with ad campaigns like, Got Milk, Pork, the Other White Meat, and Beef, It's What's For Dinner.

The latter was couched in Americana, with a score by Aaron Copeland and narration from Robert Mitchum.

Increasingly carnivorous Yankees, part of a global trend, has been disastrous for animals subjected to factory farming and for the environment at large as meat production pumps methane into the atmosphere and drains the water supply.

And like everything in America, the increased indulgence is rooted in inequality.

A 2023 Tulane University study showed that just 12% of Americans account for half of its beef eating.

But one encouraging development has been the rise of plant-based fare tailored to American cravings for hot garbage.

In 2016, a trio of co-founders opened a vegan fast food concept in the San Diego neighborhood of Ocean Beach.

The company's low-impact ethos extends not just to its menu, but to its interior design, with renewable and recyclable materials used for its tables and chairs.

Today, with eight locations in California plus one in Las Vegas, as mainstream chains like McDonald's and the Yum brands trifecta of KFC Pizza Hut and Taco Bell have rolled back their plant-based protein options, this West Coast eatery is at least servicing the niche who crave indulgent fare that doesn't amiserate animals and destroy the ecosystem.

But with increasing striation extending to every aspect of society, including meat consumption, committing to a plant-based diet while a relative handful of Americans consume the majority of red meat feels akin to driving an EV while your neighbor is rolling coal.

Ah, well, shit sucks.

This week on Doughboys, Plant Power Fast Food.

Welcome to Doughboys, the podcast about chain restaurants.

I'm Tiger Weiger, along with my co-host, Arnold Palmerston, the swing man, Mike Mitchell.

That's right.

A palmanto of the Arnold Palmer,

I mean the golfer, but also the golfer with a huge hog, apparently, the fucking hammer.

Okay.

He has a big hog?

That's what the president said.

Well, we can trust him.

did he did am i wrong did he say that when he died yeah i think he was like i think that's what it was i think i think it was a part of his eulogy i mean i don't think it was part of his eulogy

he said it's memorial service all right i think there were some offhand comments he made oh i'm

sorry not his eulogy he said it as soon as he heard he had died is that true didn't he say it like right around them like when did arnold palmer die do we have any context on that

or did he just say it offhand i thought he just said it offhand

like but i i don't But I have no idea.

I like imagining that he heard that he died.

I went, oh, no, it's hog.

Well, how's his hog?

It's also dead.

2016.

Him and the hog have been dead since 2016.

R.I.P.

the half hour.

RIP the hog.

R.I.P.

That beautiful hog.

That thing's probably still decomposing, is my guess.

He's a skeleton, but that big-ass dick.

Worms are eating well.

The worms are probably bowing down to to that thing.

It's their god.

Shy hallude.

Arnold Palmerston, inspired by Mitch's hand and Weiger's drink invention.

Thanks for the amazing live shows this year.

My wife and I drove from Ohio to New Jersey for the Newark show, Justin from Columbus.

How about that?

What about that?

That was kind of a nice.

That was kind of a toast.

A little bit of a toast, sure.

I mean, you know, remember talking about your old address, which you used to give out on the podcast.

That's true.

Because you never leave it.

I haven't given out the new one.

I didn't get the number out, but but then people did find it.

Someone left a mystery drink on my doorstep

and I wanted to drink it and Wags didn't want to drink it.

And he was probably right.

Yeah, it was correct.

It was loose.

It was, I mean, it was like, it wasn't like.

There was also some cookies that got dropped on your lips.

Yeah, it wasn't sealed was the issue.

That was the big issue.

So like, it was like a drink that they had made.

Ah.

And you were pretty sure that there was cum in it.

Yeah.

Sure.

That would just be my calculation.

Yeah.

Yeah, for sure.

But I can't say with any, you know,

I'm just guesstimating.

Yeah, there's going to be some piss in there.

Yeah, yeah.

Some sort of bodily fluid.

Some fluid of some kind, yeah.

Speaking of toast, it's a little toasty in here to the headgum.

It is a little weird.

The air conditioning is broken, which we've kind of noticed forever.

We thought maybe there were flies blocking the duct or something.

We had said a lot of different things.

There's some theories, yeah.

But now it's officially broken.

Marty Michael, the CEO of Headgum, was in here.

He's a tall drink of water, as is Emma.

Emma was helping him up onto a stool so he could reach up and you maybe see that vent over your head, Mitch,

and adjust.

And he was just like, yeah, nothing's coming out of here.

I mean, it's just, I don't, I think people don't know what's going on.

But yeah, it's really warm in here.

You got the CEO of Head Gums checking the vent?

That's right.

Wow.

Strange operation.

You're telling me.

Only employee in the building.

It's okay.

It's only the hottest part of the year here in Los Angeles.

It's fine.

And we just slammed fast food.

Yeah, we slammed fast food.

And also, I took Z-Quill last night, which with the, which I'm just trying to, you you know, I was in Canada this weekend, Wigs.

That's right.

I was there for the Napa Boys premiere at Tiff.

I can't wait to see Napa Boys.

You remember such great things about Napa Boys.

Nick Carassi and Armin Weitzman directed this film that you have a part in.

That's correct.

I loved it.

Premiered at TIFF?

It premiered at TIFF.

We walked the red carpet.

I remember I was with Hanford, Hanford, and I was like, Hanford, let's go get a picture with each other on the red carpet.

And we walked over and, you know, Ricky Lindholm, Natasha Legero, the lights of bulbs are going off.

And I was like, here we go, go, Hanford.

And then just the bulbs all die.

They were like, nah.

Hanford was joking that the picture guy had us take a picture of him.

But it was a blast.

And I said this, I made a little letterbox review, but I said that it reminded me of seeing South Park Bigger, Longer, and Uncut for the amount that I laughed and for the people that were walking out during it, which is, I think, is a badge of honor.

I love it.

I think it's one of my favorite comedies.

I think they did a great job.

I went to Pizzeria Balgialli-wise.

I didn't get to go to your restaurant still.

To Nuno.

Still on No.

It's still on the docket.

I didn't get to go to the next one.

Yeah.

That was a Mars Melnick recommendation.

We all went.

We went to Amelia and Emma and Mars and myself.

A lot of fun.

What a hoop.

I think good to go.

Honestly, maybe the best memory of Toronto.

Little Canada is up there, too.

Little Canada was up there, yeah, for sure.

What's Little Canada?

Oh my God, Little Canada is magical.

If you're ever in Toronto, it is a small-scale representation, like model railroad proportions representation of the entirety of Canada.

What?

And yeah, it's one of those things like you hear about, and I was hearing about, and people were like, you got to go this thing.

I was like, all right.

And then I go in there and I'm just enchanted.

It's crazy.

How big is Little Canada?

It's not particularly big.

Really?

Yeah.

Interesting.

No, it's like the, what, what, the interior of a best buy?

It's not like a huge amount of real estate.

Well, yeah, I mean, but there's bigger multiple floors.

There's multiple floors.

There's multiple floors.

That's pretty big, actually.

Yeah.

Yeah.

It's great.

It is, it is really great.

And now there's too many uses in there, Wags.

What?

There's too little uses.

Oh, I thought you said too many uses.

I thought that, too.

Mini, you said that.

Too many uses.

Too many uses.

We got littleized.

We got little eyes.

Are you guys doing a little podcast?

You can actually see their pose behind you.

There's a big statue of it.

That's

cute as hell.

That's goddamn adorable.

Yeah, me and Mitch have our arms around each other, and Emma's standing giving the double thumbs up.

Oh, that's so cute.

Yeah.

By the way,

you said Mini sounded like many,

and then you had me thinking,

Mini-Me, how about Minnie-Me?

Many me is a good one.

They're a big bunch of mini-me clones.

Many me is very good.

It'd be fun.

Austin Powers 4.

Why not?

That's true.

They're rebooting everything else.

Yeah.

So you might as well.

Didn't I have a mini-me pitch?

Remember?

Didn't you have a mini-me pitch?

Let's see.

Can I remember?

Weren't you as the lead of the movie?

Is that what you're saying?

had a i had a take on mini me going through your notes i am going through my notes

there should be a maxi me as well maximi is that's i think that's what it was

mini me suggests the existence of a maxi me yeah i think doctor he's a medium me yeah and then there's a yeah fat bastard kind of takes that role of like the big guy but that does not preclude a maxi me who's just like maybe a very tall guy yep i think like oh victor wemba and yama and give him a you know a bald cap yeah i want like

i want like a kaiju sized one oh that'd be funny you know what i mean what is that like a bit like a size, like Godzilla, like the size of a building.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Monster me.

Yeah, monster me.

Oh, very good.

Yeah.

I think it was maybe mega me.

Does no one remember this?

I don't remember this at all.

I like that in your mind, everybody's probably four years later thinking about the mini-me pitch you riffed.

This is, this is, I said it on the show, so listeners will.

Go ask the dose word.

They'll know.

Me.

Yeah.

I'm just saying me because I just saw it.

Oh, fuck.

You're searching for me?

I searched for mini-me.

Okay.

My brain.

Look, I was going to say my brain is mush because I took, do you know that

I went, I got some Z quilts in Z.

Do you know that there's a whole

quill multiverse?

Do you know that there's

pain, Z, and Nye?

Well, I know, I know, I know day.

I know Day.

I know Nye.

I die.

Day.

I do not know Pain.

What's Pain is a new member of the Night Quill or the Quill multiverse?

Pain is just like if you're, I guess if you're hurting, I guess you take Pain Quill.

Pain quill sounds like a Kojima boss.

I mean,

you, yeah, you taste a little cup of it, I guess.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Wow.

Don't they all just put you to sleep?

Isn't that what they all do?

Right, probably, right?

They're the same formula.

Dayquil is not supposed to put you to sleep.

Okay.

And PainQuill is not supposed to put you to sleep.

Z-Quill does.

NyQuil does.

Wow.

Painquil, I'm not sure.

I have no idea.

But if you take enough of them, they all make you trip really crazy, right?

That is.

I take all four.

we used to I used to robo trip.

I think I believe I've talked about this as well.

I've said everything about

I said everything about my life in the show.

There's nothing so all of it's new.

Anything that I say is just new.

You're doing fine.

I'm going to find out what I said about, but I've had a pitch on Mini Me.

I didn't get to see any other movies up to Tiff.

Don't be buried in your phone the whole episode.

I'm not going to be buried in my phone.

I'm going to ask them one question.

I'm looking for it too.

I'll also pitch a micro-me,

which is a later sequel to the movies or whatever.

That's pretty good.

Mini-mini-me's, they become a virus.

Right, right.

That's Ant-Man, kind of.

Exactly.

And then you could have a crossover.

Yeah, there you go.

Good.

That's good.

Micro-me, mini-me, medium-me, mega-me, mega-me, and monster me.

Yep.

Yep.

Was it mega minions?

No.

No, the mega minions are a real thing that are in despicable me for.

Those are the, but they're not like mega-sized as you might think.

Again, thinking a kaiju-sized minion.

They are a they're like just super powered minions and if dr evil got cloned it would just be me me

that's good

me that's good me

and then and then another one

comes out

and how boring there's a woman version of him that's also named me

yeah

that's good she me

Mitch, I have a, I have a sincere thing I want to say real quick, just because I've been talking about the podcast and recently I've been dealing with major depression.

I have a book recommendation for my therapist that's really helped me me out.

It's called Overcoming Unwanted Intrusive Thoughts.

So, if anyone out there is looking for something, having issues with like rumination or the same thoughts re-entering your head,

I found this book very, very helpful.

That's the OCD I had, by the way, my man.

What's that?

What the fuck?

They're cheering for us.

Major depression!

There's a head gum live stream next door.

That's what's going on.

And then we have the door ajar because of the heat.

Yeah.

Yeah.

You have OCD too?

I have OCD.

Yes, Yes.

And it was recurring thoughts.

That's like, yeah, she's thoughts.

You should check out this book.

Yeah.

Ashley's got it too.

Yeah,

yeah.

Yeah, you're good.

You're like, nah, I'm good.

It'll all get solved if you find that mini-me pitch.

I have asked the dose cord, and we'll see what the dose cord says.

No responses so far.

Yeah.

It's only been up for a few minutes.

Yeah, again, you're just going to be buried in your phone.

I'm not going to be buried in my phone.

I will look and see if they respond.

Maybe just have like, hey, Amelia, can you check in with the dose cord?

And if anyone responds, just give Mitch a heads up.

Okay, good.

I'll keep an eye out.

I think, I think it was a big, I think my, I think, I think it was Mega Me.

I think that's what I will.

I think it was a big.

Mega Me is pretty good.

I think it was Mega Me.

Yeah.

This is funny to continue talking about F.

I'm sorry that you're experiencing major depression.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

It's a serious, hard thing, man.

Yeah, what are you going to do?

Yeah.

Yeah.

You're doing great.

Yeah.

We're having fun.

It's also okay if you're not.

There's plenty plenty of shit to be depressed about.

It's true.

It's true.

Yeah.

Look, I'm a Patriots fan, and

I will say that in the last 10 years, it's been a lot harder just to

search Patriots on any social media.

Right.

Right.

Because there's a lot going on in the world in a lot of different ways.

So, like, you know.

How do you think I feel about my favorite baseball team, the Atlanta Groipers?

Can wear any of your merch?

No, and I have so much.

Never mind.

All right, Mitch, you get you got a drop to play.

All right, I've got a drop to play.

Hit him with a drop, Emma.

Tenders are long

nuggets.

Tenders are just long nuggets.

Tenders are

long

nuggets.

Tenders are just long nuggets.

He calls tenders tendings.

Tenders.

Tendings.

He calls tenders tendings.

Tendings.

Tendings.

Tenders are long nuggets.

This just proves my.

This is very funny that this is it because I think I do

just have a lot of size jokes, I guess.

It's a good point.

Tenders are just long.

They are, it's true.

I was saying they wanted a new strawberry strawberry

tall cake.

I was saying we should do at some point.

That's right.

Oh, yes.

Tenders are long nuggets.

Talent.

T.A.

Wait, wasn't your pitch strawberry long cake?

And then someone corrected it.

It said it should be tall cake.

Tall cake.

And then last week, the feedback question was, what food would you make long?

And I said strawberry long cake.

And I said strawberry long cake.

Okay.

Yeah.

So I've called it both things.

I fucked up.

Hey, Doughboys, this one goes out to all the fools, all the fools out there saying that nuggets are just short tenders.

Wow.

Thanks for setting the record straight and for the good podcast.

The podcast is good.

All right, Brent.

Thanks, Brent.

Brent, New Hampshire.

Doth protest too much, Brent.

Drops at birdfuck.com.

Mitch, very, very excited to have today's guests here.

They co-host the podcast, Rebrand, Ashley Birch and Mort Burke.

Thank you both so much for being here.

Thanks for having us.

Thanks for having us.

Mort, you're a veteran of the podcast.

Ashley, your first time.

Thank you.

Thank you for hopping on board.

We have to start here.

Your last names are are very similar.

They're very similar.

Burch and Burke.

They share the first three letters.

Yep.

That's wild.

Yeah.

It's really weird.

Weird, right?

And then Ashley had gotten mail before we met, addressed to Ashley Burke.

No, while we were together, but before we were married.

Oh, really?

Yeah.

Addressed to Ashley Burke.

And I think you've gotten some more Burch.

Uh-huh.

Wow.

And then I was saying, my, I don't know if you guys remember, but my doeboy's name.

Yes, Fork Burp.

Fork Burp.

Yeah.

So then we were trying to decide if she was going to be Ashley Burp because she didn't take my real name in

because she's a feminist.

But, you know, just in true romance, like, will she take the last name Burp as her doeboy's name?

Well, am I bequeathed a name?

Is that how it works?

Or I think it's a collab.

We can just discuss it.

Yes, certainly.

She's a little bit more serious about it than I thought he'd be.

Just like shoehorning it in for no reason every time I come here.

I feel like there's a Ashley Hashley, maybe there's something.

Oh, Hashley, though.

Ashley Burp.

Hashley Burp.

I feel like it would mean a lot to you if I took your last name in this context.

Yeah, if you took Burp.

If I took Burp.

So I'll be Hashley Burp.

Wow.

Hashley.

How about there?

Wow.

How about that?

It's canonized.

Okay, so I went on your podcast, Rebrand, had a lovely time.

Pet the hell out of your dog, Cody.

Yes.

Great dog.

We're obviously sitting next to Jemmy here, but you are dog parents.

And you have cats as well?

We do.

What is the animal count in your household?

Two cats, one dog.

Wow.

Yep.

We have a mom and daughter cat combo.

Mom is Samantha, and the daughter is Kevin.

We did not know Kevin was was a girl.

Wow.

They told me Kevin was a boy, and then I found out on National Women's Day that I took her to the vet and they were like, This is a girl.

We're not changing the name.

It doesn't.

Also, Kevin, we're pretty sure is non-binary.

Yeah,

she doesn't exhibit any gender stereotypes at all.

She's like a little creature.

Yeah.

She'll look gremlin.

Whereas Samantha is very much very womanly.

Yes.

Wow.

She's femme.

Yeah, very familiar.

Absolutely.

Yep.

Yeah.

Kind of a Samantha.

Yeah, she's kind of a Samantha.

It's true.

Yeah.

Kevin, who I love, is like a little creep.

Yeah.

Wally's a little, Wally's definitely, Wally is like a little dumb boy cat.

And then Irma is a sweet little baby girl.

You know Irma.

Yeah, I know her.

And then, and then Jemi, of course, is a horny southern bell.

Jemmy is?

Like Ruma Clan.

She's like Blanche.

Daddy's like Blanche.

Jemmy.

I had no idea.

That's wild you say that because my sister is staying with some friends right now and she sent a picture of their dog and their dog.

I was like, this dog looks like B.

Arthur.

And she was like, oh my God, it does.

It's very strange that you say that.

I'll send the picture to you.

Heavy Golden Girls energy.

Pretty spot on.

What do you, what do you, like, what do you feed your animals?

And Mort, I know, as someone who, you know, I know you're vegan.

Ashley, I believe you're pescatarian, is that correct?

Eat eggs as well.

Like, like, I, I, I, but I know it's tricky as, as pet parents, like in terms of what you feed your animals.

Like, does, does that calculus enter things at all?

Or are you just like, whatever the animals need?

Well, I'm, I'm not vegan.

I am like vegetarian.

I eat, I eat fish as well, but I don't eat all meat or pork.

But we, which is, it almost seems arbitrary to be like, well, no cows, but fuck all these chickens.

You know what I mean?

Right.

But yeah, we, we usually they eat fish.

Like, I just bought cat food today and it was pumpkin and herring.

Yeah.

You also don't eat chicken, honey.

Yes, I don't.

That's true.

Well, we did actually, we, we do try to buy like fish-based food for the animals for Cody, our dog, as well.

And Mort found like vegetarian food at one point for Cody and was like, let's try it.

And he just shit everywhere.

He did not.

He was not a fan.

And we had to go back to the fish-based yeah for sure hated it yeah hated it

but what remind me because i i and i i apologize for mischaracterizing it but like like i i you you avoid animal products as much as possible i know that's this is something that we've when we previously reviewed the chain that is now closed

oh yeah oh what the hell is it called honey honey bee honey bee honey honey bee honey bee yeah we reviewed the the now closed honey bee that was also a plant-based fast food we liked honeybee too yeah we did we had a way to have time they're on their way out well i think i did tell the story but i volunteered at the gentle barn because I really love animals.

And I had eaten one million hamburgers in my life.

Like, I just, I didn't give a shit.

But then after a while, I was like, I really like these cows.

And then I just stopped wanting to eat meat.

So that needs to, I need to do that again so hard that I stopped wanting to eat cheese.

Uh-huh.

That needs to be the

right.

Cheese is the hard one.

Yeah.

I don't drink milk because it just seems gross to me, but I'll still do a pizza now and again.

Right.

Yeah.

Whatever.

Yeah.

I mean, cheese is a hard one to replicate.

I feel like the nice thing is that like Impossible Burgers have gotten pretty close to like at least a fast food burger, I would say.

I mean, I haven't had a fast food burger in a minute, so you guys would be the ones to tell me, but like, yeah.

No, I mean, the impossible whopper is like one of my favorite fast food items that out that's out there because it just is a whopper with an impossible patty, and it's a great simulacrum of the real thing.

Yeah.

You know, yeah.

And we have, we almost suggested the melt because they have an insane veggie burger that fully tastes like a regular Smash burger.

Yeah.

It's

highly recommend the melt veggie burger is really good.

Yeah.

Well,

cheese is the big, I don't know if I could ever give up pizza, a cheese pizza.

I always need pizza of some sort.

Wise.

That's the, and, and the cheese just isn't.

American cheese there is, they've gotten a lot better with American cheese, with vegan food.

Yeah, that they can kind of synthesize, but even that needs like, like, you don't want to eat one of those just, you know, on the, on their own.

Like, you need, like, that you want to melt that a little bit over some fries or in a patty or something like that.

But you're Mr.

Slice.

You can't give up on your pizza.

I can never give up on pizza.

There is.

When's the last time you baked a bar pizza?

It's been a while.

Oh, man.

You're so good at it.

I got to do.

I know.

It's just such a pain in the ass.

Get back in the kitchen.

You know, it's ant season.

I went away to, I went to San Francisco for a day and I came back and the ants were already.

Oh, yeah, they're all over our kitchen.

Yeah.

They crawl in.

They came in through the

kitchen window.

Yeah.

They crawled right through there and

they overtook Wally Nerma's food.

What do you guys feed your, what cat food do you guys use for your cats?

Today I get, I think it was called, it was a specific one, it was like N and P is what it was called, I believe.

I think it was the same brand as last time because we have to keep them on the same one.

No, it was.

Oh, it was.

I asked the lady, what did I get last time?

They puke so easily.

Is this the little girl?

Irma barfs all the time.

God, they looked at me.

She barfed today.

She barfed this morning in my on a, and I moved her.

I was like, just don't barf on anything.

I'm fine if you barf just on the floor.

Just like don't barf on like papers or something like that.

Why do cats barf so much?

Can you ask the dough, the dough cord?

cords, why cats barf so much?

You know, I bet someone in there is probably, I bet we have a vet in there or someone who works.

But yeah, our cats are puking all the time.

And then Cody wants to eat it.

Maybe they're pledging a sorority.

You think Irma's pledging a sorority?

Well, we always belittle of them about their weight.

Yeah, we are body shaming our animals

again.

Are they hair balls?

Are they throwing up hair balls?

No, Samantha.

I believe it's what the cat, the internet's cat daddy calls scarf and barf.

Yeah, I think they eat too quickly.

They're eating too fast.

Yeah, so sometimes I'll stand by them, let them eat, pull the thing away while they meow at me in frustration for like five seconds and then put it in.

Do they have these like does they have these for dogs, the like bowls that look like a maze that slow them down, that don't let them eat as fast?

Do they make something like that for cats?

Oh, they probably

should look into that.

We should serve us our meals in those bowls.

I kept barfing everywhere.

How old are your kitties?

they're probably they're getting up well not up there because cats live a long time but i think they're probably like seven and six okay wow no i think older because we've been together for nine beautiful years how about that how about that

cats have been there the whole time yeah the whole time and kevin was almost a newborn when we met yes so yeah probably around 10 and 11 maybe yeah 10 9 and 10 maybe yeah longer nine the cats do live a long time and they do they're doing they're doing great oh they're doing great thank you they're doing great they'll never die

it does remind me of of this.

The previous cat that I had, this wonderful cat named Michelle, when I first got Michelle, I remember the first night I went to sleep.

I couldn't get the cat to come out from underneath the couch.

And I went to sleep and I woke up in the middle of the night to what sounded like an old woman going, Hello!

And I was like, it sounded like a woman in a filthy nightgown.

You know what I mean?

And it was the cat just made a sound like the word screaming hello.

Was she stuck or was it just she just was, I guess freaked out because she didn't know whatever.

It was like a new house.

Yeah.

Hello.

My friend Yuli has a cat named Oliver who is just Garfield.

He is an orange tabby that eats anything that is like, he does this thing where if you leave bread on the counter, he'll eat through the middle of every single piece.

Yeah, and through the plastic, sure.

And through the plastic, and then eats through the middle of every single piece of bread.

So no crust.

No crust.

He's only just middles.

He's like the middles that were the juices, baby.

I mean, it's very cute to picture the cat being in the middle of the loaf after eating its way through there.

I've been telling him we should try to stage a picture where we put out lasagna and see what happens, you know, and like break the internet or whatever.

But he has like an a timed feeder for his cat, and he went away for like a couple of days.

And his cat knocked the top off of the timed feeder, knocked the entire food.

It was like a week's worth of food, knocked it over, and then ate so much he fell asleep and then woke up and then kept eating.

He ate like

a week's worth of food in like two hours.

Wow.

Which again, I do the same thing when Ashley's leaves me home.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I'm curious about something else I heard about your diet, which is that you don't eat sugar.

Is that true?

Yeah.

Like no sugar.

No, not exactly.

So I say I don't eat sweets because basically everything has sugar in it.

Right.

But I don't eat like candy bars, shakes, cakes, rakes.

Yeah, I just don't eat it because I ate, Ashley was with me too.

I just like everything I do, I do so compulsively

that I eventually have to stop it.

So I had to stop cigarettes.

I had to stop drinking.

I had to stop caffeine.

I don't drink caffeine.

And it was, and when I quit sugar, and I think this really speaks to how much I was eating more than anything, the depression that I had went from like a month to like an hour.

Yeah, it was really wild.

Yes, my depression like lessened significantly.

I think I was really, really addressing all of my emotions with various kinds of can I interject for a second?

Don't even think about it.

Me cramming two twinkies in my mouth just before we started recording.

I was wrong.

You can't come and the shirt's like not buttoned, and you're like, hey, welcome to the tobacco.

It's the only thing keeping you going.

I made a big mistake.

I ordered a bag of mambas because we had mambas in the show.

Yeah, I love mambas.

I got some mambas.

The orange, raspberry, and strawberry kind of.

What are mambas?

Oh, man.

They're like starbursts kind of.

Yeah.

They're good as hell.

Yeah.

And I mean, I loved, again, I, yeah.

We'd eat like three or four bags of like Karibo gummies in one sitting.

Yeah, because

we had a market not far from us that had like this wonderful selection of European stuff.

And then over when I lived in Silver Lake, there was that place that had like a $20 whopper milkshake.

Do you know what I'm talking about?

I don't remember.

I think it was cold milk.

Yeah.

That place.

Oh, I remember milk.

Yeah, yeah.

I OD'd on those things.

You were thinking Burger King Whopper.

No, yes, yeah.

Oh, that's

the breathing.

That'd be great.

Whopper the candy.

Oh, yes, Whopper the Candy.

No, no, no.

But I've like I've been, I, I had been to Milk.

I don't know if they're still around, but yeah, that is like one of those artisan dessert places.

Yeah.

You need a big-ass straw to get those whoppers up.

Oh, yeah.

You really do.

Bigger than a boba.

Wait, that's not milk bar, right?

There's a separate milk.

It just said milk.

Yeah, milk.

There's a separate LA area thing that's milk.

Milk bar is more.

Was that on Beverly?

Was that a diagonal across from

the

there was there was one there by the was that that was Beverly milk bar or was that just no that was milk milk bar is like the pink and white confetti logo and then milk was like just red letters on a white side

and the eye was a milk bar like a milk bar milk might be gone yeah

right next to that 7-Eleven across from LeMille that coffee shop yes that might be gone do we never do milk I don't think so we never did milk are any milks left and it's gonna be that's impossible to find out I know looking up

is milk still around it's like you're trying to search for Patriot

it is

it's the same damn damn issue.

You did Milk Bar.

Yeah, we did Milk Bar.

We did do Milk Bar.

The Milk Shop is the other one.

Ah.

Yeah.

We are closed.

Dang.

Sad day.

R.I.P.

R.I.P.

Zed and Arnold Palmer's hog.

This is just not working out, by the way.

We asked the dose score.

They're not.

They're just not being helpful.

Wise.

I remember when milk was open because there were the two milk locations, and then next to them was a lemonade.

And then around the corner, Fudge was meat.

what a great rhyme that was

what Ashley uh like do you like spicy food are you something of a heat seeker I do like spicy food yeah I am how like what's your what intensity level do you go with um

I I am trying to modulate it a little bit because I do think I'm trying to prove something to myself culturally that I don't need to do because my mom is Thai and I feel like somehow I'll earn my Thainess if I can eat spicy foods.

But I can like handle, I can handle like hot at most Thai places.

Okay.

Yeah, I would say.

But there is a point where it's like, you're not tasting anything anymore.

We were just talking about this.

It's like, if it starts to taste like battery acid, then I'm not interested.

That's the same thing I run into because, you know, I'm something of a heat seeker.

I'm a bit of a heat seeker.

Amelia, remind me which formulation you prefer.

I think it was settled that both are acceptable.

Both are acceptable.

I didn't know if one was like the correct one.

I think it was a very good one.

Wait, what were the two options again?

I'm a bit of a heat seeker.

A bit of a heat seeker, something of a heat seeker.

A bit of a heat seeker.

I may have started as a bit of a heat seeker.

I think the original bit was a bit of a heat seeker, and it's a you changed it to something around the time I started working.

So that to me, that's the OG.

Oh, okay.

Because one of them can and that a bit of a heat seeker.

I might have it backwards.

No, I don't remember.

Because like one of them, I remember you saying you didn't care for.

I like something of a heat seeker.

You like something of a heat seeker better.

Okay.

Well, are you going to just go buy a meal or are you going to go with me and Emma?

I don't know.

I'm like, I'm just curious.

Me getting my ass kicked by all three of them.

Ask the dose word.

We got a lot of questions out to the dose gorder right now.

The key is, whichever formulation you use, a bit of a heat seeker, something of a heat seeker, that first part is key because I don't want to go like all the way.

Like, I like, I like some burn.

I like a bit of a burn.

You know what I mean?

Well, you like a bit of a burn or some of a burn?

Great question.

What did I break?

What did I break up on this podcast that we showed up on?

Oh, no.

We're going to do it.

We're going to do it.

Divide the dough boys.

It also be really crazy if Mike just beat the shit out of everyone in here.

Ruthless.

Probably use this.

Which we do need to say goodbye to this McRib sauce wise.

Yeah, Mitch is holding up a 40-ounce jug of McRib sauce, which McDonald's sent us, which has been sitting on a shelf well past its expiration date in February of this year.

I'm wondering if we should auction it off for charity or something.

That's a great idea.

I mean, no one will want to buy it.

It's expired.

Yeah.

But it's been on the beloved podcast, Dobel.

And you guys could sign it?

That's true.

We could sign it.

We'll figure it out.

He hates this idea because anytime we give away a gift, it just never happens.

Would you want to send this to someone?

It's also going to cost like probably $30 to sip it.

Is someone from Russia going to buy it?

Or should I just take a sip of it and throw it away?

No, don't take a sip of it.

Want me to get a Shira?

Don't drink expired McRib sauce.

All right, here's content.

Maybe we could say we could find out how much we could get for charity if we signed it and gave it away or if i sipped some of it and then we signed it and we gave it away i kind of want to what do you mean why do you want to just just drink it then it's like kids just drink it it explodes in the mail they get a box just full of mcrib sauce loose

we'll wrap it in bubble wrap

look we just fucking drink it you want to do it just drink it i i might do it i could do it yeah do it

you want to amelia really wanted you to there was so much glee and i don't want to watch you we discussed putting putting a straw with it on the table next to you before.

Do you remember that Seattle live show where Drop King came on stage?

No, the best.

And he brought expired soda that had like

it had fucking mold in it.

It had mold in it.

Yeah.

It was like a specific and we were like fucking gross.

I drinked that shit.

Yeah, it was like a specific flavor pack from like 30 years ago

found on eBay.

And then he like chugged it with a bray of soda or something.

Oh, no.

Didn't you do a shot of it?

No, I don't think I did.

You talked about it.

It was, you know, because I remember at his eulogy,

he talked about what a huge hog he had.

R.I.P.

R.I.P.

to dropkin' used to it too now, I guess.

I could easily, I could, I don't know if I have to.

It is sealed kind of hard.

I just don't want to see Mike throw up red all over the

dog and couch.

It's going to be red, most likely, no matter what.

Yeah, that's what I'm saying.

Those mambas.

You guarantee it.

And you're hemorrhaging esophagus.

It is hard to break into, but I would take a sip of it.

We'll see what the people want.

What do you mean we'll see what the people want?

Show up the people.

Fine.

I'll just take a fucking sip of you piece of shit.

Do you want me to go get a straw or something?

No, I just don't.

Yeah, what is your mechanism for pulling it?

I have to stab it.

By pulling the people, do you mean just like we'll see what the episode response is when this comes in?

Just show it.

Just send me a pen.

I'll just fucking stab it.

No.

I'll just fucking stab it and drink it.

Mike, I want to say you deserve better than this.

Yeah, you don't have to be doing this.

No one is asking you to do this.

You're doing this to yourself.

Yeah, I mean, it's very

expired.

February was a while ago.

To be fair, McDonald's.

It's barbecue sauce.

Give a little sniff.

McDonald's sent it to us two months before its expiration date, so they thought we would go through that in two months.

How does it smell?

You look unsure.

It smells like barbecue sauce.

Okay, all right.

There's no mold on the top of it.

All right, that's a good sign.

Deeds more of a suggestion.

How many months is that?

It's currently September.

It's five months.

Five months.

Take a swing spoon, man.

Seven months.

That's true, but it's not.

Just go for it.

All right.

Oh, God.

You didn't have to do that much.

How much of it did you drink?

Does it taste like a McRib?

Hell yeah.

It tastes a lot like the McRib.

Hell yeah.

Yeah, you can't go wrong.

Do you like

did you back in your auction and I'm not even

back in your carnivorous days?

Did you ever have a McRib?

No.

I think I did, and I was, I thought they tasted weird.

I don't like them.

Yeah.

Yeah, they're kind of, they're kind of like, like, for me, a big part of it is that just the, the,

the, the weird, like, shape of the patty that seems to like imply the existence of bones where there are no bones.

It's like it looks like it's ribbed.

Very funny you're getting into this conversation.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Because this is a lot of what we're talking about today, Wags.

That's a great point.

Yeah.

We need to figure out fake bones.

We need to figure out fake bones.

We need to figure out the fake bone for your buffalo wings and et cetera.

Yes.

For your fake chickens.

I guess it would just be a thing you're throwing away, right?

Overall.

Yeah.

And the point of actual chicken wings, right, is that the meat near the bone is moist.

Is that the deal?

But there's also kind of the physical act of like, you know, I do enjoy like

working on a flat or whatever.

Like it's like, I get the, the, the, the, the physicality of it.

You know, um, but I, it's, yeah, there's not like really a plant-based equivalent of that.

We were talking about like they, they sometimes will put it on on like a, like a dowel or something, a little stick, but it's not really the same phenomenon.

No.

And I don't know what

even if you did try to replicate it, you're not going to do one with that's like a bunch of tiny thin bones, like a wing, probably.

You would never try to do that.

Well, part of me is like, like, you know how they've grown meat in the lab?

You're like, they've grown like,

they've grown like beef in a lab now at this point.

They've tried it.

I don't, I mean, I don't think any of it's like replicable at scale is the issue, but they've done it.

Yeah.

Like, I think at some point, maybe it is just growing a bone that belonged to no animal and then putting it in.

That's a question for you.

If they could grow meat at a large scale, would you eat the meat?

Only if the meat screamed when I ate it.

That's a possibility.

Please know.

I'm sentient.

God help me.

The problem with being carnivorous is that more things it's not cruel enough.

Yeah.

I want blood firing in my mouth and stuff.

Well, that is what's interesting.

Yeah,

I don't want it replicated.

Like, like sometimes that, you know what I mean?

Sometimes the impossible, there's like kind of the juice of it, that it's sort of a little bit like a rare

burger or something.

It always tastes a little bit chemically and weird to me.

Sure.

I'm never into like when it tries too hard.

So, like, a rib bone, I don't, I mean, even when you say like biting the like working the thing off the bone, I don't, yeah, it doesn't appeal to me really.

It also, like, to me, it seems like

having had, you know,

I ate vegetarian for a year, and I've had other stretches of vegetarianism.

I try to minimize my meat consumption these days, but I, but I will eat it.

But, but having other guests on the podcast who are vegetarian or vegan, it seems like how long they've been away from meat tends to correlate with whether they like the impossible or the beyond of the world.

Like how long have you not been eating meat?

Maybe like seven.

Was I eating meat when we met?

Yes.

I was.

Okay.

So maybe like six years?

Yeah, something like that.

So it's been a good stretch.

So maybe there's just been a bit like enough of a period where like I'm just not craving that specifically anymore.

You see, I've been not eating beef or pork or chicken for a long time.

Yeah.

And I go to town on some ribs still.

Wow.

I think, I think.

I mean,

I remember that I was like a little carnivore.

I loved chicken wings and I loved ribs when I was younger.

Kids love me.

It's very true.

They can't get enough.

It's so fun.

It's like a Flintstones thing.

You have a bone coconut on the side.

What's not to love?

But I don't know if it would weird me out to go back to eating that, but I miss the taste of it sometimes.

What do you cook at home to accommodate both of your diets?

Like, what are your kind of your go-to meals?

Mort loves a chili.

Okay.

He's a chili man.

I'm a chili man.

What's the basis?

Veggie.

You know, it's pretty simple, like three beans, tomatoes, carrots, corn, occasionally potato in there, bell pepper, stuff like that.

Sure.

This last one, I tried a little bit of cocoa powder because that was like a little internet secret.

Fuck chili.

It's not too bad.

And just chili powder and your average, you know, cumin.

Well, do you guys know what bitchin' sauce is?

Have you had bitchin' sauce?

I have had bitchin' sauce, yeah.

We're big fans of bitch and sauce, which is vegan.

Bitchin' sauce, too, I believe.

Yeah, it's pretty great.

Yeah, it's vegan.

I think it's almond.

Yeah.

And we put that in the chili that tastes

delicious.

I did a crazy thing last night.

So I always make popcorn, I'm going to say four nights a week.

I make a wild popcorn.

He loves popcorn.

He does a lot of popcorn.

You're sitting on the couch with a popcorn skeptic.

I'm a bit of a popcorn skeptic.

Interesting.

Natalie loves popcorn.

She makes popcorn at home.

I have no problem with it.

Yeah.

It's like each their own.

I'm just saying, like, me personally, I'm not as into popcorn.

Popcorn.

I mean, some things taste weird to people.

Yeah.

Yeah.

So you'll hate this.

So I did, and this is pretty fucking wild.

And this shows how much we, a, how like sort of adventurous we're willing to get in the kitchen, I would say, and, and also just how much we love bitch and sauce.

I melted together butter and bitch and sauce and poured it on the popcorn.

Wow, wow.

And it was pretty great.

It was delicious.

Yeah.

It tasted really good.

I mean, that sounds good.

It was good.

It was basically Buffalo's.

I mean, Buffalo popcorn is what you mean.

Pretty much what it was.

Yep.

And I do think popcorn's like a slightly, it's a buttery, it's a butter delivery system, but it's better than just that.

Yeah.

It's how I describe it.

Yep.

I make, I got, I got a popcorn popcorn popper

maybe like, I don't know when it was, a few years ago.

And I haven't really looked back.

I think I really like the popcorn popper.

And then I'll use a.

Mitch is picturing a bubble mower.

He's like,

I think it's fun as hell.

Excuse me, amused for hours.

And he's picturing pouring McRib sauce in there

catching it as a puff sauce.

I have a method to my,

well, I get.

the you know seed whatever there's some there's nicer seeds once you get into the world of popcorn there's nicer seeds it's like like the, it's like the quill verse.

There's a lot of different seeds.

Popcorn seeds.

But uh, pain quill.

I guess that's what it's called.

But there's a, there's a lot you can do.

But then the toppings, I'll do melted butter.

And then also I will do

the salt.

Maldoon.

Maldoon is a character from Jurassic Park.

Malden.

Maldun.

Yeah.

Maldun.

Flaky.

Yes.

Malden salt on top of the melted butter and Malden.

That is the, that's, and it just tastes like a movie theater popcorn.

It's fantastic.

So good.

That's, and we used, what was it called?

The butter?

Well, something that we've made at home is uh sog paneer.

Oh, yeah, sure.

And then we had leftover ghee, and Mort used that and his popcorn.

Wow.

Oh, and that makes it taste like a movie of style popcorn.

Popcorn always hurts my stomach.

I love it.

It will always hurt my stomach, guarantee.

Really?

Yeah.

Is it any amount or is it just like you I think it's like you know an unhealthy amount that I would eat at a movie theater, but that it's like it will there always will be some bathroom,

there'll be a little bathroom breakdown after sure.

This is the guy who just trucked, expired.

This is so up your alley.

I can't believe you are judging me for this.

I think you wanted me to do it.

Oh, you actually did.

She's like, do you want me to get you a straw?

A straw?

She said,

I think she wants some.

Millie, would you like to try the McRib sauce?

Oh, I don't want to do it.

Yeah, right.

Let's make Amelia beer bong it, right?

Wait, like, what are you just talking like, like, you're, like at the movies, since we're talking popcorn, like, what are your go-to movie snacks?

Is it just popcorn and anything else there?

I always get a big soda.

I was sad at, not to bring up Napa Boy's premiere again, but I, I couldn't get a popcorn and I was very sad.

I wanted a popcorn and a big soda.

I did it the next night.

I got a, uh, and then I had a, a, a bathroom breakdown afterwards.

Yeah.

But, uh, but I, but, uh, like, uh, I want,

you know, this, Wages.

The classic for me is a big butter of popcorn and a classic Coca-Cola.

When I saw RRR in the theater and it was sold out, it was a fucking amazing experience.

I'm so happy.

That must have been so fun to watch in a theater.

It was so fun.

It was so high.

It's not crazy because also that's a rating for, you know, it's true.

Yes.

Yeah, people say Triple X, but Triple R is Triple R, too.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

But like, it was one of those things where it's just like, and that movie's so fucking long.

And like, like, I, like, we just kind of just got there in time and the concessions line was forever.

And so I did a fucking three-hour movie dry.

It was such a bummer.

That sucks.

And that movie demands like popularity.

I know, I know.

I see something.

Yeah, yeah.

Did you see the prequel to Triple R?

PG, PG, PG?

That's the rating for your Mini Me movie.

The Mini Me.

So, look, I think it was maybe even either Maxie Me.

Yeah, sure.

There was a thing.

I can't believe you've forgotten about it.

It was a big moment for me.

I was very excited about it.

I also haven't remembered it.

I mean, I can't remember it either.

I thought that he, I thought you guys would remember it.

It's like one of those Monk Sand paintings.

You know what I mean?

Like, it was a beautiful thing that you made, and then it just had to disappear.

Embrace impermanence.

Yes, yeah.

It actually existed to be too beautiful for this world.

Look,

I have looked at this too much, but our dose cord is on it.

They will figure it out.

Okay, great.

Or our listener will figure it out.

But also, someone, I didn't get to go to any movies.

Someone told me to go see Fuck My Son, which was another movie up there.

Right.

Whoever told me to see that, I forget who you are because they knew the director, but I didn't get to see any other movies.

And I only,

I didn't, I wanted to try so much stuff in what?

I'm not, I can't say it.

Say it.

I said a joke or I couldn't say, and I didn't say it.

I think your mom recommended it.

I think that is the premise of the movie.

I think that is the premise of the movie.

It's like I'm trying to get someone to fuck herself.

I think that that's what the premise is.

Oh, that's great.

Whoever told me that they were friends with the rest of the ghost, he told me, but I didn't get a lot.

Because I flew, I went on a red eye from, because I went on a red eye and I flew to Toronto.

Yeah.

And so the only new food I had there was pizzeria,

Baggiali with Handman and Paul Ross.

You get a quick turnaround because of work.

You didn't get to take full advantage of the TIFF experience.

Yeah.

But you get to see the Apple Boys.

I just saw it twice.

That's great.

And I had a on the second screening.

I had a cherry Coke

and

a popcorn with butter, layered butter.

Because at Cineplex, they'll layer the butter.

That's the Canadian thing.

They do charge you for butter there, which is kind of crazy.

Oh, really?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

They charge you for butter, but they spend the time to layer it.

But then they do layer, and they're like, you want layered butter, and they'll layer the butter.

But then here's the other thing:

I want to get my soda, and I wonder what you guys will think of this.

No ice.

I gotta go.

That's it, that's it.

That's it.

More ice.

No, not here.

Well, hey, you know what?

You're right.

Not here in the US of A, that shit would never fly, baby.

Yes,

Parma's kick, USA.

Arnold Palmer's dick.

Don't clip that out and use it for things.

You know, I don't mean it.

Hostile patriot, Ashley Burger.

Adjust your little mic windscreen there.

Thank you, sir.

There we go.

Yeah, I love ice.

Sorry if that made you uncomfortable.

No, I fit, but it's my best.

We're going to clip you saying USAOC and you saying, I love ice.

It's a setup.

This whole thing has been a setup.

It's a setup.

Yeah.

Catch us next month at, what's the place in Austin called?

Oh, yeah, the mothership.

Yeah, the mothership.

Doughboys Live at the Mothership.

Can you imagine it wise?

No one would be upset about that.

They'd love it.

Our fans would love it.

Crate fit all around.

Wait, you were like,

I teed you up.

I was talking about my no ice experience.

You were talking about your no ice experience, but like, like you,

you just asked for a soda and they gave you no ice by default.

No ice here in the States.

A great thing.

No ice up in Canada.

Horrible.

I had no ice for my drink.

Was there an ice receptacle that you could?

There was.

And then

I said to a guy working there, I was like, hey, I was like, is there any ice?

The machine is out.

And then he kind of like, I mean, look, he was a guy who was working at Cineplex during TIFF, and I think it was annoying, but he was like, yeah, man, we get like 10,000 people a day.

That was his response.

And I was like, Jesus Christ, just asked if there was more fucking ice.

And so I went over to

and very nicely asked if there was more ice.

Yeah.

There was like a little Starbucks.

And I was like, hey, can I just get some ice?

And they put some ice in there.

So I was good to go.

So Starbucks, Starbucks helped me out, wise, in the end.

There.

How about that?

But how can a great company?

Yes.

Here's the Starbucks.

I hate little independent chains.

Ashley Board,

I teed you up,

but I didn't give you a chance to answer.

What are your movie snacks?

I love buttered popcorn, and I worked at movie theaters and never got sick of it.

And I'm telling you, I ate it every night.

And the, and when I was living in Chicago, too, like, I needed the hot dog at the end of the night.

If there was one left over, we got to eat it.

So I was just praying somebody didn't buy this $6 hot dog because I didn't have dinner.

That's the same experience for me at that AMC that I worked at.

Well, at that point, I think it was a general cinema.

But if there was a hot dog, you could have a hot dog if they were left over.

Yep.

And this was the general cinema.

It was the

case.

It just showed his commercial.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

That's all he said.

That's almost like a mini and maximum me.

Those are two ends of the spectrum.

It's the same principle.

It is.

That's true.

I got to figure this out.

Ashley,

what do you like to munch on at the movies?

I love popcorn with chocolate, like in the same bite.

Oh, okay.

I didn't even know that, honey.

Yeah.

Any particular chocolate?

I'll probably do.

I'll do, I'm not really very picky.

I used to do, when I was a kid, I would do flips.

Okay, sure.

Flips and popcorn.

Yeah, yeah.

I just really like all those things in one bite.

Like a salty sweet for a snack.

And she enjoys a darker chocolate.

I do enjoy a darker chocolate.

That's true, honey.

Wow.

He knows my preferences.

That's love.

I always liked, I like flips.

I like the act of a flip, and I also like, and I also like the food flip.

I'm a huge flip.

You're a flipaholic.

Yeah, I'm a flipaholic.

Wu-Tang could do a backflip.

I told you that before.

He used to be able to just do a standing back flip.

Nellie did gymnastics.

Could she do a flip?

Yeah, I mean, she could do all that shit.

I mean, back in the day.

Wu was like, as he got older, you saw like his head getting closer to the ground.

Yeah.

Scarier and scarier.

Who's Wu-Tang?

Wu-Tang is my buddy from Quincy Mass, Adam Wu, great guy.

Yeah.

Yeah.

And he could do a backflip.

And then I'd always pretend to be about to do one before, and everyone knew I could not do anything close.

Apparently, my dad used to be able to do the run-up the wall and do a backflip.

That's cool as hell.

Yeah, which is, it's the only reason I respect him.

That's a make-em laugh.

Yeah, yeah.

That's in Make Em Laugh, right?

Oh, is it?

Yeah.

Sing it in the Rain.

Yeah.

Oh, right.

Yeah.

Nice.

And done by Joseph Gordon Levitt on Saturday Night Live in an opening monologue.

That's also true.

That's where I know it from.

I've never was able to.

I eventually was able to do a flip in a pool at one point, but it took a very long time to do it.

And I still was not very good at it.

You mean off the diving board?

Or you mean like.

Oh, off the diving board, not off the side of the thing.

I was never good with any of that.

Or diving, really.

I could swim.

Could you do a flip?

Were you a flip guy?

No, I was not a flip guy at all.

Yeah, yeah.

I know.

I didn't assume so.

Can I take a guess?

Yeah, I bet

Mort Burp was a little flip guy.

I think I could do it.

Yeah, I think I could do a flip.

Yeah, although we, and my friend.

Kick flip?

Yeah, I could do kick flips.

Oh, hell yeah.

Well, that was the thing.

So, my friend Mike's house, we

in high school, he had an above-ground pool because we were all white trash.

And

we would jump off the roof into the pool, and everybody skateboarded off the roof into the pool.

And the really, truly insane of us would do front flips off the roof.

I never did that.

Yeah, really crazy.

I, um, I was with uh, this was like when I was like 12 or 13.

I was in middle school, and we're at my uh, one of my friends' house, and she had a pool in the backyard.

And like, it was the, the, the, you know, like, there's part of the house you could jump off of into the pool.

And so we were all doing that.

Um, and then when it was my turn, I came so close to the edge that the judgment of the other children was like, we need to stop.

White girl almost just got fucking killed.

Man, we're a lot alike in many ways.

Even when I was a skinny boy, I wasn't very nimble.

I was, I could never, uh, I could never really get that down.

I could never, I was never a flip kid.

But I was afraid to, like, I, yeah, I would, I wouldn't skate off the roof.

That was the thing.

And I was really angry with myself because I couldn't, I was too scared.

I did what you did.

Yeah, basically.

Yeah.

I mean, if you look at my head, just one wrong turn and my neck is broken.

It's too big.

Yeah.

It's just, it's just going to happen at some point.

Speaking of wrong turns,

we may cut this out.

The

The girl whose house we were doing this at

later was associated with a possibly apocryphal story that gave her the nickname Q-Tip, which is that she was blowing a guy and then heard her mom come in and went, what?

And then he busted in her ear.

I don't think that's true, but it was a great story that was widely circulated.

That's such a good high school story.

But yeah, that's

what what a true nightmare that is, if that's real.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

That sequence of events.

That's why he's telling the nickname in therapy.

Yeah.

Is that how Q-Tip the singer got his name as well?

And same with MC came in my ear.

He's my favorite rapper.

Yeah, he's pretty good.

Yeah.

Very conscious.

Okay, so that's.

High school nicknames are, it's just not a good, it's not going to be good.

No.

Like a lot of them are not going to be, are not going to be great.

Yeah.

Yeah.

There's nothing more vicious and insecure than 10th grade boys.

Yes.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

But I mean, all yours are just still associated with your entire group of friends.

Yeah.

We still have none of those are bad, I guess.

Those are all pretty good.

Wu-Tang, Chankton, Frailbot, Ramondi.

There's one or two I've never told you because they can't be said.

Shieldsy, Chewy.

Who am I forgetting?

Poof.

Pooh.

We're done college friends now.

Breslin.

Breslin is just his name.

Breslin is just his name.

Micas.

Micus.

Oh, Micah, of course.

Micah and Scoop.

Yeah, Micah and Scoop.

That's also his last name, right?

Ronodi's last name.

Roddy's the last name.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, there's a lot that are just the last names, of course, and they sound insane because they're just weird Italian or Irish last names.

You said you had a story to start with, and you said you didn't know if you could tell it or not.

Yeah, I don't.

It's not going to happen.

Oh, I don't know.

I mean, I could.

I was just like,

I haven't told it before, but I was at a bar

this past Sunday night.

I just like Natalie fell asleep early and I hadn't had dinner.

So I was like, I'll just walk to this bar that's nearby and have a, you know, have a, have a burger and exactly one beer.

And

this blackout drunk guy, I'm just watching Sunday Night Football by myself.

The bar is mostly on the

Raider Nation over here.

That's right.

Did you watch a Raiders game?

No, it was like Falcons.

I thought the Raiders were on TV.

I think they were on Monday Night Football.

I don't know.

I was watching Sunday Night Football, man.

Okay, all right, all right, all right, fine, fine.

The specifics of the game aren't important.

I think it was Falcons, Ravens, maybe.

I don't remember.

Yes.

Anyway, I'm at the bar.

I'm by myself.

I'm just sitting there.

I'm, I'm just, you know, watching the TV.

Uh, this blackout drunk guy

wearing a shirt that says zero fucks given and cut off jorts comes and sit next to me sits next to me.

Uh, yeah, and he's and he goes,

Are you mad?

Are you mad?

And I'm like, what?

Like, why is that?

Because you're beautiful.

You're beautiful, but it's going to be three more years.

And I said, I have no idea what this means.

I was trying to reverse engineer it later.

It's like, maybe, maybe it meant three more years of Trump is the only thing I could think of.

But by the way, this story ends with Wagger's new nickname, Q-Tip.

It was one of those things where it was like, it was like, you know,

a very,

guy was being very flattering, you know, like, like, oh, you're like, you're hot, and you know, you're hot, you know, like, I mean, so I was like, oh, I kind of kind of enjoy being gassed up a little bit, but at a certain point, I was like, all right, buddy, that's enough.

But he like, it was like, it was one of those things where it was just like that level of drunk where you're kind of at word salad point, where I'm just like, because I love talking to strangers in general.

And now I'm just trying to divine what could possibly be his meaning here.

So at one point, he's like,

how long have you lived in Denver?

And I just go, Where do you think we are?

I know where you are, but you're from Denver.

Oh my god, I'm not

because I saw a super drunk guy up in Toronto, and he was like, Is he from Denver?

He was like, No, he was either Irish or English, I couldn't tell, which I should know.

That's enough, you know, they're they butt heads a lot, yeah, yeah.

But he's like, Oh, come with me, come, come on, and I was like, I have no idea where we're going.

And then he brought me into the restaurant.

He's like, and he just kept telling me to come with him.

Yeah, come on, come on, come with me.

And I was like, Where are we going i didn't know where he was leading me off and so i finally was just like i gotta go i i didn't i didn't know where we were gonna end up so i oh end of the rainbow

he just gave me his little fucking leprosy

i was gonna share this with you

it was during the canelo fight on

so i think that he was just shit faced uh of course yeah yeah yeah yeah oh it's two uh two drunkards we saw this weekend a lot of fun and they've if they're if it's not if it's not threatening it's usually a hoot i just i'm always always like what is your tomorrow going to be Yeah.

Yeah.

This guy is just, I don't think that guy is kind of the same or worse.

Yes, yes.

Completely hungover teaching third grade.

Still wearing the zero fucking stuff.

They're cut off even higher now.

He's like, I don't know what I want.

It reminds me of this.

I was that guy for several periods of my life.

And one time

my four-person improv team was doing an improv show in Chicago at the playground, and I was beyond the capacity for speech, drunk.

I showed up.

They were like, you can't, they just put me in the audience.

During the middle of the show, I stood up like a zombie and walked on stage.

And then they had to like improvise around me.

I think

it was like a tree and stuff.

Wow.

Yeah.

Dang.

So that's why I don't drink anymore.

Yeah.

Hell yeah.

Probably the right move.

Good on you.

I think the right move for everybody.

Yeah, it's a poisonous thing.

It's bad.

There's a Quincy guy whose name I want to say who woke up and then looked at a picture on a shelf and was like, I'm not in my house.

And I was in somebody else's house.

You know, there's a, there's, there's a, you know, there's, there's moments like that that make it clear it's time to move on.

That's what happened to Robert Downey Jr., which that is the craziest person to find in your teenage son's bedroom, which I think is what happened.

Really?

Oh my god.

Yeah.

You know, it's probably true.

Like, you drinking that expired McRib juice was probably less bad for you than drinking a beer.

100% for sure.

Yeah.

You see me later at the bar next door going, hey, follow me.

You're passing out shots of McRib sauce.

Oh, he's going in for second.

Oh, he's going around too.

The group chat later, Mitch is like, I haven't been able to get off the toilet.

Oh,

baby.

He's taking more audio listeners.

He's having more chugs of the McRib sauce.

Emma Amelia, you ever have a sample of McRib back there?

The dais?

Oh, thanks.

I've had one McRib ever, and it was at a Doughboys record when I first started working for Doughboys because I don't know if you were reviewing the McRib or doing something else, but Mitch found out I had never had a McRib and was like, you gotta try one.

So you got me one.

I kind of don't like that impression of McRib.

I had to try one.

So I tried it.

Should I actually pass it down to you guys more than that?

I mean, I'll check the, how, what did you think of the McRib?

I did not like it.

For the same thing, Wager was talking about, the, like, the, like, impressions on it and the texture where it was like, there were bumps in it where they, like, like, it was supposed to be bones, but then it's also a sandwich.

So it's like, but I would never put ribs with the bone in on a bun and then eat anyway.

I don't love the McRib either, to be clear.

Yeah, no, I don't.

I don't.

I don't, I don't think, I don't think, I think you all had them that day, and we were all like, this sucks.

Yeah.

You should take it as a small swig.

We can be swig brothers.

Swig brothers, swigs, swig brothers.

Doughboys, swig brothers.

I tell you, it's not bad.

It's not bad.

It has molasses in it, which I was surprised by.

It does taste a little old.

That was sent to us last Christmas.

It's September.

Get over there and take a swig of it.

You know you want it.

I haven't had McRib sauce before.

Do you want it?

That's our Jonestown.

It's like a more putrid barbecue sauce.

McRib sauce?

Yeah, I think so.

I mean, I like the barbecue sauce more.

Is it not the same as their barbecue sauce?

I don't think it is.

It's a stone sauce here.

No, it's a distinct sauce.

Here, Camelia, take a sip, save it.

No one has to take a sip.

Actually, I disagree.

If she doesn't take a sip, if she does not take a sip, she's fired.

No one, that's not true.

You don't have to take a sip.

I'll take a little sip.

So, I guess if you're a real good cop, McRib cop thing here.

Sounds like McDonald's.

I'm doing this of my own accord.

I'm not being peer pressured.

We got her on mic.

I'll send that to Lev later.

Oh, you took a big chunk in hand.

Oh, you did there.

You guys did a big chunk in sip.

This is this.

Big old chunky sip.

You have to go?

Oh, she left.

She left the room.

She went to the bathroom.

She's going to.

She did for real the joke I made 20 minutes ago.

She had leaf.

Oh, man.

I hope she doesn't barf.

Yeah.

This doesn't

smell like McDonald's over here.

Here's a plus side.

She saved her job.

And she's officially a doleboy brother.

She is.

She is.

Oh, yeah.

I don't think it was that bad.

I didn't think it it was that bad.

I just, I'm not the, I'm not crazy about McRib sauce in general.

It tastes very, it tastes a little science-y to me.

Yeah, there's something like gelatinous about McRibs, if my memory serves.

Yeah, it's just a weird thing.

It's actual beef itself.

But this broth bun's weird too.

Did you bar?

Yeah, the bun is weird.

She ran to the kitchen.

Dude, can I put the lid on this?

Yeah, lid that bad boy.

Also, we can open up the door now, right?

Because no one is here anymore.

Actually, we do open.

I didn't bar for you.

You didn't bar?

You didn't bar for me.

I spit it out.

I was opening a piece of chocolate.

I rinse my mouth and I'm eating chocolate.

What the hell?

Amir, you're also wearing jorts.

Were you the blackout Denver guy?

Those shorts are cool.

You also open up that door too.

Hey, buddy, everybody knows there are things they can do to reduce monthly costs and improve their finances.

But who has time to go through all of their expenses and decide what to trim?

With Rocket Money crunching the numbers for you, leveling up your money game gets way easier.

Rocket Money is a personal finance app that helps find and cancel your unwanted subscriptions, monitors your spending, and helps lower your bills so you can grow your savings.

Rocket Money shows you all your expenses in one place, including subscriptions you forgot about.

If you see a subscription you no longer want, Rocket Money will help you cancel it.

Their dashboard lays out your total financial picture, including bill due dates and pay dates, in a way that's easy to digest.

You can even automatically create custom budgets based on your past spending.

Rocket Money will even try to negotiate lower bills for you.

The app automatically scans your bills to find opportunities to save and then goes to work to get you better deals.

Even talk to customer service so you don't have to.

Rocket Money's 5 million members have saved a total of $500 million in canceled subscriptions.

Wow.

With members saving up to $740 a year when they use all of the app's premium features.

Wow.

Cancel your unwanted subscriptions and reach your financial goals faster with Rocket Money.

Go to rocketmoney.com/slash Doughboys today.

That's rocketmoney.com/slash doughboys.

RocketMoney.com/slash doughboys.

Do it.

Shopping and planning for groceries really can be simple and stress-free, Wigs.

Imagine having your weekly cart filled for you with personalized picks, then shipped right to your door.

Taking all that work off my plate is why I love Hungry Root.

That's right.

Hungry Root takes the stress out of grocery shopping by filling your cart with personalized selections that get smarter with every order.

From smoothies and kids' snacks to sweets, salad kits, supplements, and more, there's something for every taste and nutrition goal.

Whether you're gluten-free, gluten-free, dairy-free, high-protein, focused on gut health, or whatever else, Hungry Root helps you eat well.

After a quick quiz, their Smart Cart Technology recommends groceries and supplements tailored to your needs, like having a personal shopper that learns what works for you.

Smart Cart Technology.

Hungry Root helps you save money by cutting food waste and preventing impulse grocery purchase.

Their best price program provides great value on more than 100 popular items.

And with our offer, you'll receive a free item like a premium protein, vegetable, or sweet treat in every box for life.

Hungry Root maintains high standards for its food by screening out over 200 additives like high-fructose corn syrup, preservatives, and artificial sweeteners.

They source top-quality meat and seafood with no hormones or antibiotics, offer organic and non-GMO options, and carry trusted brands like Oatly, Vital Farms, Harmless Harvest, and many, many more.

You know, Mitch, what I like to get in my Hungry Root box?

Staples, things that I'm always gonna need, things like coffee beans.

You gotta have those, things like produce, you know, you gotta have some apples, some bananas, some berries,

some leafy greens, all the sorts of things that are just like a standard part of your diet.

And it's great to just have these so conveniently available by one service, saving me a bunch of grocery trips.

Wise, I love that.

And you know what?

With their smart cart technology, you only have to put that order in once, and then it's going to know what you want from there on out.

Take advantage of this exclusive offer.

For a limited time, get 40% off your first box.

Plus, get a free item in every box for life.

go to hungryroot.com slash doughboys and use code doughboys that's hungryroot.com slash doughboys code doughboys to get 40 off your first box and a free item of your choice for life hungryroot.com slash doughboys code doughboys wow

Today we are talking about Plant Power Fast Food, which was founded in 2016 in the Ocean Beach neighborhood of San Diego.

It is a vegan fast fast, casual concept co-founded by Mitch Wallace, Jeffrey Harris, and Zach Fuga.

It has eight locations in California, one in Vegas.

I'd never been here before.

In fact, this place was not on my radar.

Mitch, I assume the same is true for you.

Yes, you assumed correctly that the vegan fast food place was not.

I mean, the fast food part of it, sure, but I did not.

There's a lot of these popping up.

Here's the thing, is that so many of them come and go quickly.

Even Honeybee, which we went to.

Yeah.

Which, again, we liked.

Which we found with Honeybee.

I think that the one that has stuck around, which we talked about, I think we at least talked about it, is Monty's Goodburden.

Monty's Goodburden.

For what they're trying to do, Monty's is very good.

I think Monty's is pretty impressive.

Mr.

Charlie's also seems to have had some staying power.

I don't think we like it, though, did we?

Yeah, I mean, it also is like so much, so trying to do specifically McDonald's, which is its own sort of thing.

It seems illegal.

Yeah, yeah.

Yes, yeah, yeah.

No, and also, I mean, this brings us to the McRib and a thing we were talking about is fake bones.

Right.

How do you get fake bones, which would be good in a lot, you know, for human beings.

And I don't know if they can make bones

or they've ever tried to make bones, but

chicken wings.

Wow, because you got chicken wings from this place today.

And it's just, you can never, you can never recreate that.

It's like impossible to

do it with, and I've never seen it done well at any vegan place.

So there's like some stuff that I'm like, you don't even need to attempt that.

Like just have buffalo chicken nuggets or something.

Or, you know what I mean?

Like there's no need to.

And that's that's kind of what they were were buffalo chicken tenders but but there's a lot of things that i think you can do great with vegan food and things you can't do with great with vegan foods and i saw that again today there was a lot of stuff that i thought that they did well and some stuff that they did not do well well that this is this is why i i where i kind of want to start the conversation which is just more general than just plant power because this is a this is a place you suggested to us uh but like i'm

where do you like do you have a go-to among these sorts of places are these the kind of places you frequent like like because Honeybee was another one you brought to us.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I think, what's the name of the place where I get the hot dog, honey?

Oh, America's.

Karen's America vegan.

It's got a weird name.

Julie Goes Green.

That's what it is.

Julie Goes Green.

Okay.

Yeah.

Yeah.

That's just a one-location place.

Yes.

That's not a chain.

But like in terms of, like, we go to Monty's, I would say, like, a fair amount.

Yeah.

Probably.

Yeah, that's probably the go-to.

Yeah.

I made up a restaurant that Weiger thought was real for years

called Caroline's Carrots.

We've talked about it on the podcast.

Caroline's Carrots has meat and veggies options.

Yeah, yeah, it's got good veggie options and good meat options.

That's what I would always say because people were like, where should I go?

I'd be like, Caroline's Carrots.

And then there was a couple of us that knew that it was fake, but I would always suggest Caroline's Carrots.

I thought it was real.

And then real for you.

There was like people who were like, went to Caroline's Carrots tonight.

It was great.

We were just lying into why, I guess.

Mostly.

You're the only fucking idiot who didn't know Caroline's Carrots wasn't real.

I thought what was funny about it was that every time you brought up Caroline's Carrots, you said it has good meat and veggie options.

I mean, yes.

And so I was like, oh, okay, the joke is Mitch saying that they have good meat and veggie options.

Not that it's a made-up place.

It's a different level to it.

But I mean, here's the thing is that a lot of vegan places do sound the place you just said, what is it called?

Julie Goes Green.

Julie Goes Green sounds fake.

Sounds like Caroline's carrot.

It sounds like Caroline's Carrot.

That bit is very similar to a prank that my friend was pulling on me for a while.

He lived in Orange County and I would go and visit some friends down there.

And every time I go down there, they'd be like, oh, wait, there's this Italian place.

like, we know the owner.

Like, we're like family there.

Like, you got to come with us at some point.

And I'd be like, well, guys, you should take me.

Like, take me.

And they kept bringing it up and then never taking me.

And then he moved to New York or whatever.

And at some point, I'm just like, what was that place that Ryan was always talking about?

They're like, it's Olive Garden.

We're going to take you to Olive Garden at some point.

Like, we get free food.

They give us all this free food.

And I was like, this place sounds great.

Why don't you take me?

I will say, if we're talking about like chain restaurants beyond

the ones that are specifically plant-based, plant-based which is what plant power is a place like olive garden i feel like you can do okay as a vegetarian or vegan like just like like there's certain almost like you know genres of food like it like italian food i feel like you're you're generally in good shape indian food you already mentioned with the the you know like certainly like um uh

mexican food i think you can usually do all right with avoiding meat options at least although some that's that's a place where you're running i mean so often you'll get like hey it's like grilled cactus cacti or whatever yeah

Just depending on how stringent you are, because sometimes it'll be like the beans are made with lard or something like that.

That's the jacket about that.

But a lot of places I feel like have like at least a vegetarian black beans these days.

Totally.

And to the point that some stuff, like, I actually like,

I prefer Indian food without meat.

I mean, obviously, I prefer, but even if I was a meat eater, there's some cultures that I feel like are inherently vegetarian and they just do a better job

sand's meat, you know?

Yeah, totally.

Yeah, a lot of like, you know, curries and stuff like that.

Like, you don't really need a piece of meat in there for it to to work.

Yeah.

Just rice and the sauce.

You're good to go or tofu or whatever.

Yeah.

But I'll say this.

Can I, can I start talking about some food here?

Of course.

You got a California burrito today.

That's right.

And I actually did not, that was the, there was one thing, and I now, there's one item that I think that vegan food can do well, and I'm going to talk about it in a minute.

But I did not think they would do the California burrito well.

And it was my second favorite item of the entire night.

I thought it was great.

It was really good.

I mean, like the carne asada just was like very, like, it was spicy and it doesn't taste like carne asada, but like, all of that together, it worked pretty well.

I thought.

What did you think?

Let me read the description.

It's a, it's a plant-based carne asada, melted cheddar cheese, crispy fries, handmade guacamole, pico de gallo, sour cream wrapped in a warm flour tortilla served with a sauceide salsa verde.

A little too much going on, I thought.

Perhaps a little ungopachka, but what you can't hear from my read is that there are quotes around carne asada, cheese, and sour cream to denote that these are all vegan products.

I thought it was a pretty impressive simulacro.

I was like, oh, this, this has all the textures and flavors.

You can tell it's not meat, but still, it's like, there's like, to the ungopachka point, it has so much going on that like its absence is not really a huge deal.

I don't know.

I thought this was a, this was a pretty damn good burrito.

I was kind of impressed by it.

I was impressed too.

I did not think it was going to be good and it was pretty good.

Who was the quotes guy?

Was that George W.

Bush?

I mean, sorry, George H.W.

Bush.

Yeah, I feel like he'd do the quotes.

Didn't he do the quotes?

But was that also just Dana Carvey doing

Dr.

Evil?

Dr.

Evil.

Dr.

Evil does do that.

Yeah.

Fuck, you're right.

Where is it?

It's Dr.

Evil.

Show us the script.

Dr.

Evil does do quotes, but I think George H.W.

Bush played by Dana Carvey was like, wouldn't be pretty.

Didn't he do that?

Yeah.

Yeah, I think he'd do that.

And Two Farley had that weekend up there.

Oh, right.

There's a lot of quotes going on.

There was like, I have a weight problem.

Yeah.

And then he, yeah, whatever.

I was just going to tell why that old sketch is funny.

You're doing a damn good job of it.

I do think that's the thing with vegan food is that there have to be a lot of components.

Sure.

Like, I think it's rare.

that like you can just have a couple things in a vegan meal and it works.

I think that is maybe the part of it that is difficult when you're like making it at home or whatever.

I think that's right.

Right?

Yeah.

Yeah.

yeah that's why the chili is great and i and again like uh well and we'll talk about the big zack i guess we'll get well why me to just tell you what i was just about to that was the thing i was holding for a minute yeah go nuts i think the the big mac for whatever reason really works i've tried now a couple vegan big macs and it kind of works this one is this you mean you mean generally generally i think i think the thing with the big mac is like it's a lot of bread in a big mac sure that's why people and so and the patties aren't crazy huge Like, you're not getting like a huge.

I love a big, big Mac, and I prefer it over a vegan Big Mac.

But

the Big Zach was pretty damn good and pretty close.

And I'm like, oh, that, like, the vegan equivalent is it works for whatever reason with the Big Mac.

And I think it's because of all these components.

Like, there's a lot of bread in there.

There's the cheese, there's the sauce, there's the onions, and there's the lettuce.

And it just is like a lot of different components.

And it makes it kind of taste.

It's a similar, a good simulacrum.

Yes.

Two beefy patties topped with melted American cheese.

That's what Ashley, when I asked her to marry me, she goes, Yeah, I'll marry you.

She wouldn't do it without the notes.

Lettuce onions, Big Zack sauce, which is like the Mac sauce, obviously.

She says,

Big Zach.

Big Zack sauce.

Yeah, it sounds like a guy.

Yeah.

It sounds like a guy.

Yeah.

It sounds like a guy's sauce.

Yeah, it sounds like a guy's sauce.

Yeah, you guys are ejaculate, right?

Yeah, Yeah, yeah.

Yeah,

it sounds a little nasty, but

I was very happy with the Big Zach.

I thought it was well done.

Well, that's why people think I'm nuts.

I'll go to McDonald's and get it without Big Mac without meat.

But it's like, I don't think that's nuts.

You're exactly right.

That the sauce and the cheese and the bread do so much of the heavy lifting.

Yeah.

Yeah, totally.

Yep.

I did have a bite of that, and Mitch, you shared a bite with me, or you were kind of do so.

And I thought that was delightful.

I felt not as enthralled by my patty melt.

This is a limited-time item that has plant-based patties with two slices of melted American cheese, caramelized onions, and secret sauce between two buttered slices of Texas toast.

Too much toast.

Too much toast.

Too much cheese.

Too much toast.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Too much toast.

Like, it was just like, it was so bread-dominant that the patties, I didn't even realize there were two of them until reading this description were so buried.

And the other thing, there was like a ton of onions, which I like.

I like a caramelized onions, but that's that some bitch was just slip-sliding all over the place.

I couldn't keep it, I couldn't keep it in my fucking hands.

Yeah, you get a sloppy slide in Sammy, yeah, yeah, yeah.

There was a sloppy slide in Sammy, bread-dom, patty sub.

It was a little too uh, right, yeah.

One second, bread, dom, patty, sub.

Okay, yes, it was, it was, it was a little bit of patty's wearing a dog collar,

and the bread is just real.

When you did drink, what was your, like, did you have a go-to?

What was your drink of choice?

Whiskey.

I went through a crown royal phase, which I thought was very sophisticated of me at the time.

Yeah, sure.

I think I knew you when you still were drinking, having drinks, I believe.

Maybe.

Well, I got sober in 2008.

Oh, no, so I did not know it.

Oh, yeah, so I've been sober in a little bit.

It's a tight, yeah.

Yeah.

I was probably still coming out of a frightening alcoholic phase, what I bet.

You said maybe there was still some residual weirdness.

Didn't you used to, because you had that like law job, and didn't you used to have like champagne and something at lunch?

Well, I used to get beers at lunch, but then I almost I came on here and I almost I don't know if this is what you're talking about, but I almost relapsed at the Whole Foods in Beverly Hills because I was working there and I had like a I had to wear a hat and I was well, that makes whatever that's not why I almost relapsed.

But I was giving out samples of alcohol-free champagne.

Is this what you're talking about?

I don't know.

I was so furious.

I hated all these like rich people and I drank all of the all of the shit, the alcohol-free champagne or whatever.

And then I called my

person who helps me stay sober.

And he was like, yeah, you're going to relapse.

We should probably get on that.

Wow.

Good heads up by him, though.

That's great.

I know.

I was really glad I called him.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah.

For some reason, I thought that like during your law job that you hated, you would just like get very expensive meals and drink champagne at lunch, which I thought was a funny

maybe.

I just remember going to the House of Blues and having a steak salad and like four Budweisers at lunch.

That's what I remember.

In Chicago, the House of Blues?

Yep.

Wow.

I know I thought.

All I knew about you always was that you were very funny.

That is the only, that is the only thing I knew of more from the moment I met you.

That is the truth.

Thanks, Mike Mitchell.

That's the truth.

Oh, gosh.

A very funny man, always.

But

I didn't realize that, but you probably were sober at the time,

which is good.

I feel like there's so many people who get sober and then they're like, I can't party or hang out or whatever.

And in the comedy scene, I feel like it's like a hard thing

to balance.

But

I didn't even realize that till recently, honestly about you so yeah yeah it's not a big deal yeah i like i you know i do shows and bars and stuff it's no big deal yeah yeah i just drink 47 of these a week

key lime lacroix yeah do you have a favorite lacroix varietal uh i've weirdly been into the limoncellas lately which i think is polarizing yeah i hate those yeah will you do a will you do an na beer ever or are you like just to stay it's good to stay away from it yeah i just i don't want to i don't want to pretend i never even i drank a ton of beer but i didn't even really like the taste of it so yeah i don't don't want to pretend like I'm drinking.

I'll do an NA beer pretty regularly, but like even those have like 0.5% alcohol, you know, so like, you know, it depends on how stringent you're being.

But I like I do actually NA Beer as someone who did drink beer and still does on occasion, they

like

the NA brewering has gotten so much better.

It's like mock tales, how there's like so much more sophisticated.

And then as a result, it's now the same cost as the one with fucking alcohol,

which also sucks.

But like,

it is really nice nice that you can get just like a bunch of different, like, oh, this is a nice hazy IPA.

Yes.

Oh, there's a nice NA, you know, kind of Mexican-style cerveza.

That's that's a good segue, wise, because I was wondering for a very long time, vegan food.

What, and I feel like this place is, it's, is, is vegan food still in that expensive zone?

I feel like everything's so expensive.

Yeah, well, that's also true, right?

That I'm like, I always wish this, and the funny thing about not drinking now, too, is like, if I stay sober forever, then drinks will always be like, yeah, a cocktail will always be $4 in my mind.

Now they're $19.

Depending on where you go, you have to get crazy.

Totally.

But I think it is, I think they've caught up with, I think it's about similar to maybe a few dollars more than an average.

Sure, yeah.

Yeah.

I feel like it was probably comparable to like getting something from Chipotle.

Am I crazy?

Getting a burger for it.

It's really close.

I do think for a minute, vegan, like a vegan or when we would go to these places, they'd be a little more expensive.

But so many of them are catering.

It is like, you know, it's sometimes they're fancier places.

Yeah, right.

Yeah.

But this was part of the issue when like for instance i'm thinking of my beloved del taco but they had the beyond tacos which i was loving i was getting the beyond tacos

beyond tacos were like a dollar fifty more a piece than the ones maybe where my head is and i was like that's absurd for them to be that much of a premium and also it just kind of speaks to like how much the you know like like like like meat is just so like subsidized and just like so encouraged and so you know poorly regulated they were able to do it as cheaply as and and humanely as possible um and it just it it fucking sucks that there's just like the market is flooded like like every time these sort of plant-based proteins come out they the result is that americans eat more meat because it just gets cheaper right um anyway but uh but it is like i i i do like that a place like this exists and i do like that they're taking the swing and

I wish there were more things like the Impossible Whopper, which is thankfully a fixture of the Burger King menu, where you could go to these mainstream chains and get just a plant-based version of what they have there.

You know what I mean?

That would be really great.

Yeah, yeah.

But some of these places, like, just

they experimented with that, and then it either didn't sell well or whatever, or they just felt like the market rejected it and they peeled it back.

Or, or it was like, like, I guess woke was part of it too.

You have that whole fucking bullshit.

I hate woke.

That's the whole problem.

That's the whole problem, Mitch, is that it ultimately was woke, and that's hard to argue with.

Yeah, right.

It's like, ah, fuck, it is woke.

And I don't like, I don't care for that at all.

No, me, no, that's the dope voice.

Well, I even asked the Carl's Jr.

kid because they had one for all the kid, I don't know, whatever.

He was like, anyone under 30 is a child of me.

Sure.

But yeah, and he was like, he's like, they sold really well because they don't have the veggies on.

And he's like, I don't know.

And I think they're, I think you're right.

I think they're just more expensive.

Like, they consider it unsustainable because meat is four cents a pound or whatever.

Yes.

I think it's, yeah, as you're saying, it's like it's so subsidized.

And yeah, it just seems like the infrastructure is there to make meat really cheaply and it's not there to make plant-based food really cheaply.

And we like the cruelty.

We're like, I want to hear the cow shriek

while its children watch.

It makes it taste better.

It is a hard thing to not,

it is a, it's, it's, it's hard to, when you think about things like that.

And I've said this, I will never order veal.

Or I've kind of moved away from cephalopods wise.

Like, yeah, I don't eat.

I don't eat cephalopodopods.

I'm curious as fish eaters, like cephalopods is still a thing.

I feel weird about eating squids and octopi just because I'm like,

I don't know.

These seem like

higher order creatures that we don't fully understand.

But I have no idea what you're, as pescatarians, I'm not sure what your stance is.

We try to stay away from them too for the same reason.

Yeah, but it also is hypocritical of me because it's not like I'm like, well, fish deserve to suffer.

That's, you know,

I still believe they feel some version of pain.

Sure, yes.

Yeah, so I'm not trying to be judgmental.

No, I mean, like, I try not to be judgy either.

It's like, it's like, you know,

we're all doing what we can, except for the people who are willfully malicious, which I guess is now most of us.

But we're all trying our best, and we all have our own lines that we draw.

And to stay alive, you have to eat things that are freshly dead.

Absolutely.

I mean, that's just how the fucking world works.

I try to stay away from that stuff, and I went to dinner the other day.

I won't say who it was, but someone we've had on the show before ordered octopus and a veal tongue as

the two appetizers.

I was like, fucking Jesus.

Bring me a dolphin head.

That's one where they fatten up the geese or the ducks.

Oh, yes.

A foie gras.

Yeah.

Which was kind of how it was.

Which is, I have fatty liver, which is basically I'm foie grasing myself.

That's what's happening, basically.

Looking at you, seeing my eyes turn into dollar signs.

I saw a video once of someone being like, you just have, like, you know, people say, like, I couldn't live without X.

They're like, great.

Don't live without that.

Like, you're doing that thing.

It's not, you don't have to, like, that's what I try to tell.

I want to meet the people who say, I couldn't live without Ville Tong.

Who are those?

He's the world's craziest billionaire we've ever lived on.

I need gout.

I have to have gout.

The thing that I always like, as

someone who's not like shy about eating fish, and that's usually what I'll opt for these days.

Hell yeah.

I am like,

I like my boy eating some meat.

The thing you ever get in, son.

The thing you ever take in, like, I, that always fucks me up about that is that just like,

from what I, from everything that I've read, read,

that is like that, that practice is really destructive towards the ecosystem.

Like, just like all the, like, all the trawling, all the long line fishing,

so much of the, the commercial, you know, like fish farming.

Trolling, what will kill us first?

Mitch, great question.

Beautiful, Mike.

But I just like, regardless of what's happening to the

animals, it's just like, oh, well, that, I guess this is also fucking up the ocean.

I don't know what you're supposed to do.

I know.

It's the hard thing, right?

Like, there's no ethical way to do anything anymore.

Yeah.

But let's onion rings, you guys.

But I do actually, I do want to say that the onion rings from here were incredible.

They were fucking great.

They were really good.

And it made me realize: like, I haven't had, and onion rings don't seem hard to fuck up, but this is what I was saying.

The ones from Burger King do weirdly taste like a handful of old pennies.

I don't know why.

You get a really bad batch of them, but also, maybe they're all bad.

You know, I ate them not too long ago for the How to Train Your Dragon Meal on this podcast.

And and I feel like they weren't great when I had them.

Here's the issue with the the the uh the burger king ones specifically, they're little tight guys, yeah.

I don't need those like tight little curlies, I want like the big boys, you know what I mean.

And like, here's I hate a sandwich that's yeah, I mean, I'm thick and fat, and I hate, I don't like a sandwich that's sloppy, but for some reason with onion rings, I'm like, Yeah, it should be too big to fit in my mouth.

I should be like Arnold Palmer's hawk.

I want to blast my ear.

No way a Burger King onion ring is fitting around Arnold Palmer's hawk.

He needs something from plant power.

He needs a hula hoop.

Jesus.

Wags, these golden rings were so, you could confuse Sonic with these bad ones.

That's how golden and perfect they were.

You might sing about them at Christmastime.

That's how perfect these golden rings

on the fifth verse of a certain song.

We won't tell you which song.

The other thing I really liked about this place was because because I like Monty's.

I'm a Monty's fan.

I don't mean to speak ill of them.

I don't think their sweets are particularly good.

Like Monty's shakes and stuff

are kind of bad.

Yeah,

I remember tasting very much like chocolate syrup.

I remember tasting it.

It was very chocolate syrup heavy.

And also, like, it's either almond or coconut.

You can very much taste like the almond or coconut milk on the fish.

I think it's oatie, maybe.

Oh, maybe that's maybe oat milk based.

But yeah,

that is very strong.

I've had success, like, I think with a coffee one,

if they have a coffee one, I'm not, that's not Mandela Effect, but like they're one of the, one of the, one of the flavors I did enjoy, but in general, yeah, I'm with you.

They're kind of mediocre.

And this place, their chocolate shake was delicious.

Wow.

Okay.

So I didn't, I didn't have the shakes, um, like, but, but, uh, I did.

Wait, I assume you opted out because you're not good.

Yeah, yeah, because I didn't have it yet.

But, but, wait, you had the chocolate one, and what was the other

thing that we got?

Harlem Shake.

Was it just the chocolate shake?

We had some sort of idea.

Oh, the clinically depressed Harlem Shake.

You got the, I didn't taste the chocolate milkshake, but Amelia did get a chocolate chip cookie dough snow day, which is the creamy organic with the colour.

She went to retrieve

all of her.

She went dark.

She's like a blood transfusion because it's a rib sauce.

She went to retrieve the creamy organic vanilla serve mixed with delicious chocolate chip cookie dough pieces.

She's secretly fucking drinking more of that barbecue.

There's no quotes around any of this, but I have to imagine.

Unlike when Ashley says she loves me.

I'm like,

say it normal, baby.

Well, I like being around you.

Amelia, did any of this get sampled?

Yes.

Yeah, yeah.

Okay,

so you all had some of this stuff.

Yeah, I want to try a little more, though.

Don't get piggy on me.

Don't get stingy over there, baby.

Yeah, this did solidify a little bit.

What was the texture like on Arrival?

It was a little like a blizzard.

Okay, so yeah, this is like a little bit chunkier now.

I'm going to have a little bite.

I'm getting some of the chocolate chips.

I'm having some of the

nugs of cookie dough.

You ever see The Fulmonty?

I do.

That was like a big, thank you.

That was like a big mom movie.

My mom and dad like loved The Fulmonty.

Yeah.

A big parent movie.

Yep.

I've never seen it, though.

It shows middle-aged people kind of letting loose.

I think that's what that is fun.

Yeah,

was there a sequel?

Was it the Fulmonty 2?

They made a musical at a certain point.

That's delightful.

I really like that.

I think this is good too.

I'm a fan.

I am a fan of this.

I mean, it's big old chocolate chips.

Yeah.

Oh, that's fun.

I love cookie dough, too.

Yeah, cookie dough is great.

This, like, all the mix-ins really, again, just what we were talking about earlier with vegan food just having like a lot of components.

The mix-ins really mute the,

you know, the, the,

I guess, I don't know if there's a coconut base.

I'm trying to divide it.

Might be also oat milk, right?

This is also oat milk.

It kind of mutes the oat milk base of the vanilla ice cream.

You know what's funny is that I taste the oat milk more now it's been refrozen.

Funny enough.

Oh, interesting.

And is that you not, you don't like that flavor particularly, oat milk?

I love oat milk.

Yeah.

I love milk.

I'm with you.

Sorry.

Here's the issue with the Full Monty.

They don't show hog.

Yeah.

The final shot.

What do you think they call the Fulmon?

The whole thing is a Fulmonty, but the final shot, like, because the whole thing is they're doing a uh like a strip show for

you wrote so you wrote a bunch of letters to fox searchlight about that

dear sir

as a teenager just furious

they show their bare asses okay and so the final frame of the movie is them showing their dicks to the audience and the audience is like whoo and then you just see their bare asses from behind i was like give us the fucking actually i do remember arguing this in high school I was like, they should have shown their fucking dicks in the Full Monty.

Sorry, sir, you can't join the debate team.

When you said arguing this, I thought that maybe you were like in front of the class.

This is geometry.

Yeah,

are you like,

were they too skinny?

Why won't they show these dicks?

Aren't they proud of the Hogs?

Yeah, aren't they proud of these Hawks?

But that's the same, the lead of that play.

I forget his name now, but he's a great actor.

He plays Begby and Train Spot.

Yes.

Oh, right.

Yeah, he's awesome.

Yeah, yeah.

You could, hey, you're a writer.

You could write Fullmonty too, where they finally do it.

They finally show it.

It's a a shot-for-shot remake, except it just shows the hogs in the hands.

Well, I feel like, and feel free to cut this out, but I don't think any dicks look good soft.

That's what it says on my tombstone.

That's what it is on my Instagram.

We're on different planets.

No,

we're on the same team.

There are some that are

unnatural looking, I feel like, for this Earth-wise.

Yeah, I hate them.

Yeah, me too.

Not cool.

I never made complaints about any they see.

See them all.

More hogs, I say.

Were you even like the fake ones 28 years later?

It's fake.

I mean,

I still like seeing that one.

It was funny.

Wait, there was a fake dick and

the huge hog, the alpha hog.

The alpha hog.

And 28 years later is.

Wait, was it a zombie dick or a human?

It's a zombie dick.

It's a zombie dick.

But apparently it was prosthetic.

But it is a fucking Goliath.

That's hilarious.

That makes me want to see that movie, Ken.

It was one of my favorite movies of the year.

I loved it.

Really?

Yeah, it's great.

Okay.

Robert Carlisle, the actor who is in

Train Spotting, as well as the Fulmonty.

And I believe he is also in 28 weeks later.

Am I wrong about that?

No, you're right.

He's the dad.

He is.

He's the, yeah, yeah, yeah.

That's right.

That's right.

That's a great.

Great actor.

Great opening in that movie.

Yeah, great opening.

Great opening up for 28 weeks later.

Great.

Yeah, 28.

Awesome opening doesn't really sustain for the whole movie, unfortunately.

The first half hours, the first half hours.

That's what makes me think the movie is good.

Yeah.

Also, Danny Boyle, right?

Yeah, yeah.

I don't think Boyle directs.

Two, I think, is not Boyle.

One, 28 Days and Then Years is Boyle.

Boyle and the writer, the writer is that director.

Alex Garland.

Alex.

Yeah.

Who wrote the original 28 Days Later.

Yep.

Which came from, it was inspired by his love of Resident Evil in part.

Oh.

How about that?

Honey, you game.

I game.

I know Resident Evil.

We just got

the new Donkey Kong and Switch.

We did.

Oh, Oh, banana.

What a fucking hoot.

People online are saying that you're not doing a good banana.

What the fuck are they doing?

What are you talking about?

Do it again.

Do it again.

Oh, banana.

Oh, banana.

Is that it?

Oh, that's pretty good.

I think mine's pretty good.

They're both pretty good.

Oh, this sucks.

Well,

yours sounds like yours through a filter, which is kind of what it sounds like.

If you layered both of your bananas, I think it would be bad.

It would be the perfect Donkey Kong.

I've beaten, I've 100%ed Donkey Kong bonanza.

You're not the first person that has told me that.

100%.

I liked it a lot.

I think it's a great game.

Yeah.

Question.

When are we going to get to the minecarts?

Are there minecarts ever?

Morth's always asking.

There is not enough minecarts in the game, but there are mine carts.

They're mine cards.

They're minecarts.

But he loves Smashing.

I have to do that.

What level are you on?

What level?

We have not gotten that far.

We're in the second layer.

Oh, my God.

There's a lot of game left.

Yeah.

There's more game left than you even imagine.

Okay.

So are you on the water level or the one after the water level?

We're on the one with the little rocks that like sing, little rock people.

Oh, yeah, sure.

You're at the start of the game.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I like smashing a lot.

So I have to be like, honey,

can we progress in the game a little bit?

Because he'll just go forward.

He'll just like blank out and just smash.

I have a lot of unprocessed rage.

Yes.

Coming out through Donkey Kong.

Yeah.

Bonanza.

And I can't.

Yeah.

I've got a completionist thing where I want to destroy the whole world.

That's a tough.

It's going to be harder as it goes on to just because it gets crazy.

I'm impressed that, I mean, you're the kind of person who 100% a game when you get really into it, but I'm impressed you 100% of that game because it is such a completionist like trap because like you, yeah,

you are compelled to smash absolutely everything.

And it sounds like you're not even that into it.

I

do love it.

Mario Odyssey is a much better game.

You think it overstates welcome a little bit and it's maybe a little bit thin for, you know, again, how meaty it is.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

There's, I mean, I think that they like loved that concept of like digging into the earth, which I think is great.

I think it is a lot of fun.

But then, and they do introduce stuff later on that you're like, this is like a fun, different thing that we can do now.

But, but there, I think Mario Odyssey is just a much more fun game, but still, like, you know, like it still gets like an A minus or something, you know, it's still a great, great game.

Yeah, someone was telling me they thought it was better than Mario Odyssey, and thus far I'm like, no, Mario Odyssey is like a perfect game.

Mario Odyssey, you could argue is the best Mario game of all time.

I think it is.

It's so good.

It's a wow.

Yeah, I love it so much.

I love the Resident Evil games.

That's like when I

don't like to game as much anymore because I will stay up till three in the morning or four in the morning just gaming.

And I can't do that.

I like will go insane.

And

so I don't game as much as I used to.

And I didn't even play the new, the, uh, what's the Zelda sequel?

Not

Tears of the Kingdom.

I haven't, I, I need to, I know, I need to play it.

I, I have it, and I, but I'm going to want to 100% it or like

you don't even know how you would 100%.

Yeah, I mean, I, and I, I don't, I think with, with Breath of the Wild, I got close and was like, I don't need to 100% this, this.

But Mario Odyssey, I was like, I need, like, platformers I always want 100%.

Yeah, right.

And I do love it.

I think it's great.

And I'm excited for Metroid that's going to come out in,

I think, December.

Ashley, what are your top three Marios?

Odyssey's number one?

It's Odyssey 64.

I love this list.

Wow.

And probably Super Mario RPG, which is the.

Wow.

Okay.

But I love Super Mario.

It's Odyssey and then 64 and

World.

I mean, 64, we've talked about this before.

World and 64 are just, I think 64 is just such a revolutionary game.

It's like, it's insane.

It was crazy.

Like, I remember, that is like a core memory for me.

Same here.

It's like putting that in the console and being like, it's 3D.

Like, it's, it was crazy.

Yeah.

Yeah.

You know, you have to put it in its context.

So you play it nowadays.

There are aspects of it that are a little clunky.

You know, very clunky for sure.

But it is, of course, an all-timer.

But like, for me, I just, I just, Super Mario World is my number one.

I mean, not a bad choice.

It's a great game.

I just love the 2D Marios.

Yeah.

Resident Evils, that's like another game that I will buy and like complete, like 100% complete.

I won't go to like when it gets like doing the super hard run-throughs or anything like that, but I always want to play.

Are you guys Resident Evil players?

I never was.

Oh, man, it's so good.

I'd say get into it still because they remake all of them and

they're so good.

Do you like the spooky scaries in general and any sort of media?

I actually like The Last of Us.

I look like I invented video games, but I don't game.

You're a non-gamer, Mort?

Well,

he's been smashing in Bonanza.

I've discovered that I kind of, so what I did, because I wanted to be cool, so I stopped gaming and started skateboarding when I was like 12.

And that's just been my obsession since.

But so I kind of picked up with Ashley a little bit.

So there's some stuff, it's easy, it's stuff gets too complex for me easy, right?

It's kind of the thing.

But we played Odyssey together all the way through.

Yeah, and that was cool.

It was funny because at the end, when you can like go into Bowser, and then there's like the hard

of the greatest video game moments ever.

But the,

is it after that?

There's like a super hard like permadeath level yes it was the first thing like that that mort had ever played and at one point he took his glasses off and just laid flat on the ground like face down yeah like true grief and i was like welcome

and that that is that that those i don't like those type of levels and it is now the more nintendo thing is like you do it and then there's like a super hard level afterwards do you oh man yeah she's a ser like the games you play are very challenging i like roguelikes a lot Okay, so I'm very like, yeah, if it's punishing and if I die, I start at the beginning, give it to me.

Like, wow.

That's what

What are you some of your faves?

Slay the Spire, Spelunky.

Yeah, I got way too into Slay the Spire.

I keep going.

Oh, it's so good.

Yeah, yeah.

Spelunky.

Splunky.

Oh, Hades and all-timer fan.

Hades is so good.

Was the one you just played, Blue Prince?

Is that what it's called?

Blue Prince is a roguelike of a kind.

Yeah.

Did you play Blue Prince?

Here's the thing.

I did play Blue Prince.

I kind of...

got sick of Blue Prince.

I get it.

I get it.

I get it.

I know.

People are like, I was was like in the, where I, I really appreciated it and I really liked it.

And then after I got to the 46th through my, I was like, I don't have to do this anymore.

It's, it's such an impressive design.

Like, I'm just like, this is really incredible what you did.

I don't really have fun playing this.

But I, but I like, hey, how about that?

You know?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Totally.

But the part of it too is me coming in with the expectations because I'm hearing people do these rapturous receptions of like, this game is going to,

this is.

a transcendent work of art.

It's going to absolutely blow your mind.

And I'm playing this thing just like, you know, dealing with the frustrations that exist within that are inherent to its, to its, the randomness.

But it is, it is a very impressive game.

If a game is as good as Mario Odyssey, I will 100% be fine with that last level.

But it was like pull your hair out, frustrated.

It was hard.

It's hard.

Yeah.

And like, I was like, it was like one of those things.

I never want to look for help on video games.

That was like one of the things I'm like, how I need help to beat this.

It was very hard.

And sort of masterfully done that they saved that until the very end because you're Sid, you're beyond the point of no return.

You have to finish it.

Yes.

Not that you're dedicated yet.

Yeah.

completely.

We got the Buffalo Wings.

Oh, fine.

We'll talk about this bullshit, too.

These were more tendies than wings.

I thought they were okay.

I've had so many versions of this.

I would say they were almost bad.

Their nuggets were not great.

The nuggets weren't great.

Nuggets were bad.

The nuggets, I thought the nuggets were very fake tasting in a way that like I've had better vegan nuggets.

Oh, that's the thing.

It's not hard to get good vegan nuggets at a grocery store right now.

A little spongy, a little bread-like, a little wet crouton sort of character to them.

This is the issue with

vegan fast food, I think, in general, is look, you don't want to wait to eat fast food, but even like the 10 minutes or the delivery time it takes with vegan fast food, that window is even smaller.

It's like you really want to eat it in restaurant, you want to eat it hot, or it becomes kind of spongy and whatever.

And

there was a little bit of delivery, a delivery sog that was going on.

Yes, for sure.

Speaking of the fake chicken, Mitch, the Buffalo 66 sandwich.

Much better to me than the wings and the nuggets.

I thought it was okay.

I thought it was pretty good, but like my Big Zack and the California burrito were better.

This one had some ranch on there as well as

the veggies and

the Buffalo chicken patty.

Yeah.

And then Amelia, what did I try the bite of?

You tried the bite.

Both you and Mitch had a bite of my Nashville hot chicken sandwich.

Amelia comes over and goes, you got to try this.

Just puts it down in front of me.

And it was her Nashville hot chicken sandwich.

I tried it, and it I said it tasted like fish to me.

More, I don't know if you felt the same way.

I liked it for me, and I was talking about this.

Yeah,

there was a sweet coleslaw that I thought was adventurous enough to sustain the heat as well.

So I thought it was like pretty good.

And I was coming off the nuggets, too, which tasted like a nickel.

So I was like,

I like the sweetness of it, but I'm with you too.

Top nickel.

Yeah, yeah.

Oh, somebody melted this weird nickel.

uh so i feel like if i would have had it in restaurant it would have been like maybe seven out of ten like i thought it was that good but it did i tasted the sog what i apologize if you already got you gave your fries thoughts because we we've talked about the onion rings you're you you got some regular fries and then we also had some curly fries for the table which i thought were all right yeah

the fries were it's uh fries are really good really across the middle

or like down the middle i would say i you know it's like i i think it's i think it's really good is a fine way to characterize them i just more i i like what i mean by down the middle is like this is how i I expect them to be executed from a fast food restaurant.

Fries should be excellent.

It's just a great thing that fries exist, and these were good.

Yeah.

Got a question for you.

What would you rather eat?

Five pennies,

three nickels,

two quarters, or six dimes?

I guess I'd do the six dimes because I'm shitting out 60 cents.

Come out ahead.

Oh, that's true.

Yeah.

I think I also also do the dimes.

Why did you hit those numbers?

I thought I had a good break.

You're trying to talk about the quantity of metal based on the size.

And also how big they are.

How big they are.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Am I doing these dry or am I washing them down with some thick rib sauce?

You can wash them down with whatever.

Okay.

Okay.

I think the dimes are easiest to switch.

I think quarters I would be afraid to do because I think I would choke.

Yeah.

Yep.

And how many pennies?

Did you say five?

I said five pennies, six dimes.

Yeah, yeah.

Pennies.

Six dimes are having bigger dimes.

Dimes are dimes are pretty small.

Smaller than penny.

But small, dimes would taste better than pennies.

It's kind of like a bad thing.

I think so, too.

I feel like pennies would taste like shit.

It would taste better.

Yeah.

Would you rather eat

four quarters or one dollar bill?

I do the dollar bill.

I would do the dollar bill, too.

But it's probably going to be so gross.

It's going to be fucking nasty.

But you can, in theory, roll it up pretty small.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Maybe.

And then just fucking toss it in your stomach and have it expand.

Yeah.

Take it like a pill basically.

That's pretty good, actually.

Oh, yeah, that's true.

Yeah.

How many quarters again?

Four quarters of it.

Four.

I got to go dollar bill.

Yeah, dollar bill.

You rip it up or no?

I mean, yeah, you can do whatever you want with.

Okay, cool.

Because it's just got to go into your body.

It is the dirtiest.

In my head, it's the dirtiest one.

Same.

Which makes it harder.

You know what I mean?

Can you clean a dollar bill?

Good question.

Could we clean the dollar bill in this scenario?

You can clean the dollar bill and you can also clean the coins.

Okay.

Yeah.

So whatever you want to do with them in advance.

Like, again, it's just like any sort of sauce you want to use.

It's all up for grabs.

Okay.

All right.

Then I do dollar bill.

I'm doing dollar bill for sure.

I do dollar bill.

Should we turn to a double?

uh yeah yeah

we'll turn to you we'll have you guys back to eat money yeah great no i can't wait

patreon listeners watch like patreon people watching us eat money

that's the most late stage capitalism

i for some reason had to get like lip surgery or something

i've seen like there you know because there are there are casino streamers there are people who like twitch stream like like slot machines.

And then I've seen people who donate them money for them to like for spins or whatever.

It's like, this is fucking insane.

Whoa.

But I guess it's, whatever.

I guess it's entertainment.

It's just much less abstracted than it generally is.

Right.

Like, directly, I'm giving you money for you to spend.

Just like spending money knowing you won't, you don't even get the money.

You don't even get the result of it.

Are they like incredibly charismatic?

The people playing?

I guess it's entertaining.

And I think you all start getting the same sort of juice of gambling yourself by proxy, you know?

So I don't know.

That's fascinating, kind of.

We're We're in for a tricky road.

I mean, now that they made, like, especially they made gambling legal and worldwide accessible for all.

Take it back.

They shouldn't have done it.

We've talked about this before.

Not to, not to.

Oh, it's an insane move.

There's a reason it was like regulated.

Yeah, it's crazy.

It's crazy.

It's insane.

We went too far.

We're in trouble.

This show is brought to you by BetterHelp.

We turned to some funny places for support.

Not the doughpoys.

But not everyone is a therapist.

Not everyone is the one.

Find your right match with BetterHelp.

We've all done it before, Wags.

Turning to a barista, hairdresser, or a random stranger in the bathroom for life advice.

I'm always doing that.

I'm always talking to random strangers in the bathroom.

It's true, Wags.

Let's say, hey, hey, my fellow urinal user.

Can I get some life advice?

Yes, same here, Wags.

Look, as fun as they are to talk with about everyday topics, when you're looking for help about relationships, anxiety, depression, or other clinical issues, they may not have all the right answers.

That's right.

The guy in the bathroom might not be the guy to talk to.

Instead, get guidance from a credentialed therapist online with BetterHelp.

Because, you know, I'm always there knocking on the adjacent stall door.

They're like, hey, man.

I'm having some trouble with my marriage.

Do you think you could weigh in on this thing?

Wages, you know who I go to for help when I'm having some problems?

Who's that?

Wally and Irma, my cats.

Oh, that's nice.

And I'm petting them, and they do give me comfort, but you know what?

It's a lot better to talk to a human being.

Yeah, I mean, you know, I have a new therapist I've been working with, been helping me with a lot of stuff that I'm dealing with right now.

And it's really helpful.

It's really, hey, it's therapeutic.

Thus the name.

Well, Wise, BetterHelp has been helping people find their match for over 10 years and has a 4.9 rating out of 1.7 million client session reviews.

BetterHelp therapists work according to a strict code of conduct and are fully licensed in the U.S.

And BetterHelp does the initial matching work for you so you can focus on your therapy goals.

A short questionnaire helps identify your needs and preferences and their 10 plus years of experience in industry leading match fulfillment rate means that they typically get it right the first time.

If you aren't happy with your match, switch to a different therapist at any time from their tailored recs.

Completely online, and you can pause your subscription whenever you need to and switch therapists anytime at no extra cost.

With over 30,000 therapists, BetterHelp is the world's largest online therapy platform, having served over 5 million people globally.

It's convenient too.

You can join a session with a therapist at the click of a button, helping you fit therapy into your busy life.

Plus, switch therapists at any time.

As the largest online therapy provider in the world, BetterHelp can provide access to mental health professionals with a diverse variety of expertise.

Find the one with BetterHelp.

Our listeners get 10% off their first month at betterhelp.com/slash Doughboys.

That's betterhelphelp.com/slash Doughboys.

We should get to our final thoughts on plant power fast foods.

So, Mort Ashley, here's how this will work.

We'll each go around, give a closing argument, if you will, on this particular chain, and then end by giving it a score from zero to five forks.

So, final thoughts, fork score, fork burp seated to my right.

Your thoughts, your score out of five forks.

Again, I like that it's vegan.

I enjoy that.

I like that they're taking swings.

I agree that getting delivered is not ideal.

I'm going to say

we can go halves, right?

Yeah.

Yeah, I'm going to say, I'm going to say three out of five forks.

Three forks.

This is a good score.

Yeah, good score.

Not too bad.

Hashley Burp, your thoughts, your fork score.

I really want to grade generously, I guess, because I do appreciate that it's a vegan, fast food spot.

Right.

I do think that if you stayed with just the beef, quote-unquote, items, you'd probably do okay.

But you didn't like your patty that or your patty that you had that much, huh?

Well, I didn't like the patty melt.

The patty melted.

Like, as Mark said, it was a slip.

What do you call it?

A slip.

I don't know.

I don't remember.

Slip sliding.

Yeah, slip slide and Sammy.

A slip slide and Sammy.

Whoa, whoa, whoa.

I guess I would also give it three out of five forks.

Three forks.

Wow.

Yeah.

Good score.

Handholding club here with our first two reviewers.

You know, it's a funny thing.

Like, there were things that I thought they did well.

And then there were things that I, like, the nuggets, the chicken should have been better.

I thought the Buffalo

66 sandwich was the best chicken thing I had.

I thought that the nuggets, and I thought, I did not really like your Nashville hot chicken sandwich.

Though it seems like you did.

I loved it.

But you like fish.

And then I said it tastes like fish.

And you're like, I think that's why I like it.

Yeah, the texture was very fish-like and it was very spicy.

And I'm something of a heat seeker myself.

Yeah.

I'm a bit of a heat seeker.

Yes, I'm a bit of a heat seeker as well.

I am a bit of a heat seeker and I will.

You can't say that.

Fuck off.

That's my thing.

You something of a heat seeker.

I'm a bit of a heat seeker.

No, no, that's mine.

And my kids eat the shit out of everyone in this room.

He always claims that I won't be able to do that to him because he's fast.

I am.

Yeah.

If you give you some quotes, I'm fast.

I could evade you.

I could wear you out.

I think I absolutely could.

Running circles.

I think you have enough cardio where you would get gassed.

I'd do the Rope of Dope.

How much money would you need to get on Patreon to do a fight club?

Yeah, what does the Discord got to kick up?

I think we're already at the threshold.

We'll go right into it.

If we went all to use gambling terms, if we went all in on a battle to the death, I would love that.

That's how you want to go down.

I mean, I think that he would just lay down and smile

and get hard.

I wouldn't be able to kill you as a thing.

I wouldn't be able to kill my friend Mitch.

Oh, Wags.

Oh, I would be able to kill you.

Don't forget about it.

I want to kill you, but I can't help but suck you off when you're hard like this.

I could not kill my friend Wags,

but if we got the right amount of enough money, we would do a fight club at least.

Yeah, sure.

I mean, I don't know.

Should we be fighting?

We shouldn't even be drinking the McRib sauce.

Are we giving each other CTE?

We're in our 40s.

It feels a little bit like the natural end to the evolution of the somewhat like self-abusive nature of this show.

It is to beat each other to, yeah, I think you're right.

Well, you know what, Wax, you don't have to worry about that today because we had all vegan food.

So this is a healthier version.

And

our big question is, what is this place, what are we trying, what is it trying to do?

Is it good at what it's trying to do, right?

And how much is it succeeding at what it's trying to do and i don't really know with plant power i think they're trying to make a vegan fast food but you know we went to mc charlie's which is very much the mcdonald's a vegan mcdonald's yeah to the point where more you said like is it illegal and i'm not sure if i don't know the answer it feels like it is but but Plant Power, I'm not as sure kind of what their whole thing is.

It's just good vegan fast food.

And I think that they succeed with some of that.

I think that I think all the chicken items are not great and they need to step up some of the the chicken items.

And, like, we were saying, there is much better

like chicken, vegan chicken nuggets.

So, there's no real,

there's no real excuse for that.

Don't forget about that burrito, though.

The burrito was great.

The Big Zack was great.

The Big Mac somehow really works well with vegan food.

And that dessert was pretty good, too.

Yeah, the desserts are good.

I think I'm going to go in the hand-holding club.

I'm going three forks, Wags.

Three forks

all around.

It falls to me.

Am I going to

kill you?

Wow.

What a nice thing to say.

Is it?

Not really.

The bare middle.

Yeah, yeah.

The low bar here.

I'm going to.

I mean, like, the question is, am I going to join the rest of the panel with the three-fork assessment?

I think the highs here were pretty high.

I mean, we talked about that chocolate chip cookie dough snow day.

I thought that was delightful.

The California burrito and the Big Zack Sandwich all got mentioned.

The thing is, there were a number of these that were just kind of like inert or were just like a skeptic's idea of what vegan food is.

You know what I mean?

I certainly would characterize the buffalo wings that way.

And, you know, the patty melt, I thought, was pretty disappointing as an L, as an LTO.

But

I do think this place is doing a good job.

And

I want it to succeed.

And I want there to be more concepts like this.

Is it doing anything distinct versus like, you know, the

Monty's of the world, the other entrants in this sector?

I'm not sure, but I think what it's doing, it's doing well.

And I think Three Forks is the right area.

So I also say Three Forks.

We are in the hand-holding club.

A four-time hand-holding club.

That's very rare.

Wow.

Yeah.

That's very rare.

Eight hands.

And I do feel like the branding is like calling it a Big Zack.

Have more fun like that.

Yeah, sure.

It's all the branding of the thing.

Yeah.

But then I say, like, is it a McDonald's?

See,

this is the side of it.

I don't, just, I really just don't know about this place.

I need more investigation.

It's not just a McDonald's.

No, it's trying, it's going to be, it's trying to to catch all.

Because if it was a McDonald's, it wouldn't have like curly fries or whatever the fuck.

You know what I mean?

Mr.

Charlie's is very much trying to just be McDonald's.

This is trying to be its own thing.

If I were to rebrand

this particular fast food restaurant, I feel like what they should do is they should take the like the iconic meal from each fast food place and do the vegan spin on it.

I like that.

You know, that's like the, you know, because we were talking about Carl's Jr.

and like they only would offer certain of their burgers with the beyond patty when they had it, but you could get it substituted.

But, like, something like the Western Bacon Cheeseburger, if they had like having that as it, actually, they may have exactly that.

We may just have not ordered it.

But those sorts of things, those signature items in vegan form is it would be a lot of fun.

Totally.

Yeah,

it's not the whopper, it's the flopper or whatever, but it's very clear like what the thing is.

Yeah.

All right, that was our review of Plant Power.

It's time for a segment.

I'll name a snack, and Mitch and Ashley and Mort must guess the amount of servings per container.

This is Serving USA.

If everybody had a portion across the USA,

then everybody'd be serving

the California a burritos.

You see them snacking from baggies

and eating sandals too.

A bushel, bushel, tomatoes,

serving USA.

Deep fried pan-fried USA

deep fried pan-fried USA.

deep fried pan fried USA

deep fried pan fried USA

deep fried pan fried USA

deep fried pan fried everybody's gone serving

serving USA

RAP Brian Wilson.

So you'll each get

a tribute

really as tasteful as a Trump's tribute to Arnold Palmer.

Anybody see the dick on that corpse?

All right, let me sign some shit into Levi.

All right, you'll each guess the amount of servings per container.

Closest guess wins a point for that round.

Emma or Amelia, if you want to track Amelia, you want to track scores over there?

Assume every product's container is its standard size unless stated otherwise.

Do we understand the rules?

And we have containers this time so that if that will help.

Got it.

We will have images for each of these.

We are guessing servings per container.

We're guessing number of servings per container yes okay uh first up pop-tarts frosted strawberry there are eight toaster pastries within

uh what is the serving size or i'm sorry how many servings are per came per container mitch yeah 16.

you said mitch says 16.

anyone else i also say 16.

yeah can i say the same number yeah i mean yeah sure okay yeah i'll also say 16.

Unfortunately, none of you get it is four servings per container.

Yes.

Two pastries is one serving.

I doubled.

I doubled.

I for sure thought it was one Pop-Tart.

I just said what Mitch said because I'm a coward.

Next up, Lay's Classic.

There's only eight anyways.

Lay's classic potato chips.

This is an eight-ounce bag.

Eight servings.

You're saying eight servings.

But that's a small bag, though, right?

Eight ounces is a smaller bag.

I'm going to say 30 servings.

Eight ounces is a small bag.

Who says 30 servings?

I'm going to say two.

Oh, that's small.

Wait, how many?

I have the answer key.

Let me just look at it.

The answer I have here says eight servings per container.

Now, I can't imagine there are eight one-ounce servings.

Is that correct?

Eight servings per container.

That's what it says.

Wow.

Ashley gets it.

Ashley gets a point.

Isn't that like three chips?

That's fucking insane.

That can't be an eight-ounce bag, though.

Is that really

how it lines up?

I guess

eight ounces to me is small because a drink, eight ounces, is little.

Got it.

We're a million.

Eight ounces of chips.

Actually, the chips are very light and airy, so I guess

equals an ounce.

So Ashley's in the lead with one.

Yes.

Next up, honey-made grapple crackers.

When you were saying the song, you sounded like a kid whose goldfish died.

Honeymade graham crackers.

This is a 14.4 ounce box.

Oof.

How many servings per kilogram?

This is tricky.

This is tricky.

24.

You're saying 24.

Yeah.

I want to say 12 servings.

12.

I would like that number.

I like 12.

I'm going to go.

Oh, shit.

I'll go 14.

I was going to go 10 or I was going to say 12.

Mitch gets it on the dot.

14 servings per container.

Wow.

Two full cracker sheets.

We had a real honeymade rain man over there.

Do we get two points for getting exactly right?

No, that's not a rule.

I mean, we can make it a rule.

Then I would have gotten two points.

Then Ashley would also have a lot of money.

You also would have gotten two points.

But also, unless we started right when I did it.

Next up, Skittles Original.

This is a 7.2-ounce bag.

Did you guys know these are, did you guys know that these are technically not fit for human consumption?

Skittles?

They've been designated as not fit for human consumption.

I believe it.

Yeah, they're like primarily delicious.

It's plastic or something.

Not going to stop me.

12 ounces?

Yeah.

The Skittles thing that I can say, the Skittles factoid, I can say, having worked on a couple of Skittles ads,

the official industry term for an individual Skittle within the company, because they they don't say Skittle singular, is Skittles lentil.

I hate that.

Yeah.

Pretty disgusting, right?

What?

A Skittles lentil.

A Skittles lentil.

Oh.

Not a Skittle, a Skittles lentil.

That's awful.

I'm going to say 15 servings.

Mitch says 15.

And 12 ounces?

7.2 ounces.

Oh, 7.2 ounces.

But based on this.

It's good that that helps you.

I'm so dumb.

That doesn't help me at all.

I feel like the picture of the bag helps because it has this hole in the top.

It's hanging.

How many did you say?

I said 15, and I think that i maybe went under you said 15.

i'm gonna say

five servings five servings this is and this is 12 ounces and the the bag of chips was eight ounces but it was 7.2 ounces yes i wish i were smarter

uh

no perfectly intelligent i'm gonna say four oh okay ashley what was your guess five i think ashley comes closest it's seven servings per container oh way too high with some of these well also like weight is hard with different things like an ounce of skittles is so different than i thought thought it would be like five Skittles per like per serving.

And then that's why I was like, there's going to be like 60 something Skittles in there.

27 pieces per serving.

It's per serving.

Wait, what you're always more than I thought.

What you're always dealing with is how disingenuous are these companies being?

Because they're always trying to skew it a little bit soft.

I believe them.

To make it less caloric.

Next up, Pepperidge Farm Goldfish.

This is a 6.6 ounce bag.

So I believe this is a standard bag.

Classic bag.

Classic bag.

I will eat one of these in one sitting.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I really love them.

All food that's like toddlers love tastes great.

Very easy to take a whole one of these to the dome.

Well, I'm going to say three.

Three.

No, yeah.

No, four.

Four.

Mort says four servings.

I'm going to go eight servings.

I'm doubling more.

Mort says eight.

Ten servings.

Amelia, do we have a ruling here?

Because two of our guesses came within the same amount.

Do they each get a point of six servings per container?

Yeah, let's give them each a point.

Okay.

It's not price's right rule.

So, Mort and Mitch each get a point there.

Dang.

Thank God I got a point.

You're on the board.

Do you mean Ashley?

I said,

10.

Oh, Mitch said.

Hey, nice try, Millie.

What the fuck?

Okay, wait, here's the score.

Here's the score.

Oh, wait.

Okay.

With this new Mitch rule,

Mitch has three, Ashley has three, and Mort has one.

Wow.

Next up.

Wait, how is Ashley.

Not that I'm trying to.

Because she got it Exactly right.

Unless you're trying to institute that only you get the first one.

What was your second one you got right?

That's what I'm saying.

Oh, the Honeymade.

Fuck.

Hostess Twinkies.

This is a three.

I'm not competitive.

This is a 13.58 ounce.

I'm so sorry.

A 13.58 ounce box of hostess Twinkies.

With 10 individually wrapped cakes.

10 cakes in here, yeah.

10 individually wrapped cakes.

That's right.

Well, it's got to be 10.

I think we're all going to be.

Unless it's crazy and it's like a half a Twinkie is a serving.

Yeah, that's what I thought was going to be.

I thought it was going to be.

Yeah.

I don't know.

I'm going to say 10.

I'm going to say 10.

You're saying 10.

I'm going to say 10 also.

Also, 10.

I'm going to switch it up and say five.

Mitch, you're going to get another two points.

This is five servings for containers.

Yes.

Two cakes.

Oh,

shit.

It is sneaky that they're individually wrapped, though, and a serving size is two.

Damn.

Y'all ever like them, them hostess snacks?

I used to like a chocodile.

Oh, yeah.

I used to do me Twinkie?

Yeah, a lot of us.

What was the chocolate version of like the Twinkie, basically?

Chocodial.

Yeah.

Or there was a zinger as well.

Co-hoes is one of them.

And the little cupcakes.

The cakey one.

The more cakey one that's like a sandwich.

I'm going to look it up right now.

There were zingers, which were like, which had which came in and do for you different flavors.

There were also like ding-dongs or cupcakes.

I don't know what you're thinking about specifically.

I think of the chocodile because that was the one that was a eating zinger, the spitting-out zingers.

Nice, Mitch.

Nice.

Two more.

Frito's original corn chips is a 9.25-ounce bag.

It has to be one, doesn't it?

No, oh, this is a bit

bigger.

It's a bag.

It's a bag.

Yeah, not like the tiny ones.

Yeah, 9.25.

This is a big boy.

Somehow, this game is breaking me psychologically.

It is a little disorienting that how much

nine ounces is, but this is like a not quite a party size, but like a regular size bag.

I'm going to say five servings.

You're saying five.

I was about to say six servings, and I will say six servings.

Pretty fucked up.

Yeah.

I'm going to go chronological and say seven.

Mort is going to take it as nine servings per container.

Wow.

Wow.

We have one left.

What's the score, Amelia?

Mitch has five.

Ashley has three.

Mort has two.

All right.

So it is, Ashley.

You could take this if you get this exactly right.

Tie goes to the guests.

Fucked up.

The final one: Planters Dry Roasted Peanuts.

This is a 16-ounce jar.

Look at that little freak.

I know.

Ho-hoes are what I used to eat.

16.

Oh, yeah.

This is like, this is going to be like the 19, is it 86 was Miracle?

The Miracle on Ice.

When was the Miracle on Ice?

Sounds right.

Emma said ho-hos earlier, right?

Didn't you?

Yes.

Yeah, no, she got you.

My brother had a strong ho-hos phase,

so we had like an endless supply of ho-hos for a while.

Ho-hoes are good as hell.

I had kind of a ho-hos phase in college.

Nice, dude.

You know, why you're fucked.

I'm gonna say 12 servings.

12 servings.

Wow.

I'm going to say this is a trick question.

It's zero servings.

No one should eat these dry roasted pigs.

16 wags.

Someone is getting two points.

That person is our winner.

The spoon man, Mike Mitchell.

Got to get that for Mikey Mitchell.

Oh, shit.

Very good.

Wasn't it cool that I was so competitive?

That was so cool, dude.

I loved it.

That was serving USA, just like a restaurant buyer feedback.

What's up with the feedback?

Today's email is from James S.

at James Diggity.

I'm sorry, at Jim Diggity.

James writes, if you haven't heard, Kraft Heinz wants you to mix flavors in your ketchup.

What Franken sauces are your favorites?

Which would you like to see on the shelves?

Love the pod.

Excerpt from the article for context.

Okay, so I guess the way this question is structured, it just sort of links to something.

And then Amelia pulled a little quick,

a little quote here.

Sauce bases include ketchup, ranch, 57 sauce, and barbecue sauce.

Customers can pick one, yes, just one, and mix it with flavor enhancers, including jalapenos, smoky chipotle, buffalo, and mango.

Here, you can pick more than one.

These extra flavors can be added at low, medium, or high intensities.

There are over 200 possible combinations.

So, this is like a

Coke freestyle machine, but for sauces, it seems.

Oh,

we had very different reasons.

She's like, Where's the McRib song?

Yeah, they have expired McRib songs.

Let me see if I can open this link here.

Uh, in a sense, we are rebranding Heinz here.

No, it was a podcast crossover.

I was on rebrand as well, by the way.

Yeah, yes, that's right.

What did you rebrand?

We rebranded.

Yeah, fast food.

Yeah, I was going to say which fast food place, but it was all fast.

Yeah,

I mostly just remember you talking about Ozempic Grimace.

That's right.

Thin grimace.

Thin grimace.

Here is a

we can show this to is this is real?

I mean, I think this is maybe a concept.

Okay, this is the Heinz.

You and I are torn on the

Coke.

The freestyle machines.

I like that it exists.

I think we were asking when they first inspired that it exists, but the thing is, like, some of the, there's, you know, it's just not the same as like a dedicated pour, but I like that you have so many options.

Yeah.

I feel like this machine would just, you would get into the issue of things all tasting the same.

It seems, yeah, like, like, how is that pump not going to be just like taking some of every sauce that has been previously crafted, you know?

Yeah.

Unless it sort of like rinses itself between,

you know, maybe it does.

I don't know.

Some interesting self-cleaning.

Self-cleaning.

Yeah.

It also feels like a kind of a fear factor thing where like Americans are just seeing how far we can go into heart disease.

That's also true.

Yeah.

Doing a suicide of those would be a nightmare.

Mix them all.

Yeah.

This reminds me of the.

By the way, we were wondering how our stomachs would feel after eating the fast food, and mine is starting to turn turn oh dang i think you had the long po we got a lot to do after this too

i had a lot i ate too much i would say and then i still ate some of this ice cream yeah then you did the let us not forget what's that that you shotgunned mcribes

yeah we did not have a control for this actually because yeah if you guys are fine then i guess maybe yeah i'm ever took a tiny sip

some of these are just going to be no-go's for me like like mango ranch sounds repulsive That's awful.

That sounds awful.

I don't think that should be an option.

No, no.

That's the problem with these sorts of things.

You can fuck yourself.

Yes.

You know?

You all right?

Yeah, just yawn.

Okay.

I'm just moving around because of my stomach.

There's, you know, there's things going on.

This is not doing great.

This reminds me of the chili pump from 7-Eleven.

You know what I mean?

It's just like, it's like, I just see this nozzle and it's like, this should not be coming out of here.

This does not feel sandy.

I have used that chili pump.

Yeah, me too.

Something of a certain thickness should not be coming out of a distribution like this.

Right.

Yeah, it's the vicissitude.

Yeah.

The viscosity is.

Thank you.

It's a problem.

Yeah.

Yeah.

So are we being asked what flavors we would do?

The question was,

what Frankenstein are your favorites?

What would you like to see on the shelves?

The thing is, like, this doesn't give us a lot of options from the article.

It really says ketchup ranch, 57 sauce and barbecue sauce with jalapeno, smoky chibotole, buffalo, and mango.

I will say, I do always like a spicy ranch.

Again, it's something of a heat seeker.

So, you know, if they do like a jalapeno ranch, like, eh, that could be all right.

I know it's a thing that already exists, but I remind seeing a version of that.

What is 57 sauce exactly?

I've had it, but I don't know if I could characterize the flavor.

It's on the cheeseburger in paradise.

It's not on the cheeseburger in paradise.

What the fuck?

That's a whole fucking issue with the Margaritaville version of the Cheeseburger in Paradise does not include Heinz 50 sauce.

It's in the song.

It's on the actual fucking cheeseburger.

They serve at Jimmy Buffett's Margaritaville.

Are you fucking kidding?

An insult to his legacy.

Yeah, true.

When I went to Margaritaville for the first time, they gave us a bottle of Heinz 57.

It's there, but it does not come on the sandwich.

It shouldn't be on the sandwich.

And I don't know if they've still given you that Heinz 57.

Do they bake Heinz 57 still?

I don't know.

Is it true that you have to be divorced to eat at Margaritaville?

Single or divorced.

I mean, to me, I think, like, I like mine with lettuce and tomato, Heinz 57, and French fried potato.

I think he was just trying to rhyme.

So, you you know, I don't think that that, I don't think he really loved, not to call, God rest his soul, not trying to call Jimmy Buffett into question, but I don't, I don't, I don't know if I ever believed that he really liked Heinz 57 on the on his burger.

What do you think his hog was like?

Yeah, probably pretty big.

There's probably some worms bouncing.

Yeah, um, he, uh,

I mean, like, this is, this is a thing that was known about him, but he kind of like the Dean Martin, you know, would was drinking apple juice on stage while acting like a drunk.

Uh, Jimmy Buffett would like take, as I think, I think he just got older and stopped partying as much.

And so like, would he have like a Land Shark lager that he'd pour a little bit out of and he'd just hold.

He wasn't actually drinking on stage.

Yeah, he was very much a businessman.

Yeah,

which is the greatest chain of restaurants.

Heinz 57 sauce, is that the steak sauce?

What am I doing?

Yes.

So

it's Heinz's steak sauce.

And they say it's a sweet and tangy American steak sauce with a base of tomato puree vinegar and some spices.

So I think it's like more zesty ketchup.

I love that.

I think it's thinner than ketchup.

It's not like A1, right?

Or is it like A1?

I think it's A1.

I don't think it's quite like A1, but I think it's a similar like consistency.

It's not quite as thick as ketchup.

Okay.

Wow.

Bring back Heinz 57.

It's fun.

Yeah, bring it back.

If Carls Jr.

is like, we have the Heinz 57 burger, you would go try that.

Yeah, try it.

Why not?

Yeah.

Yeah.

So what are the options here?

This is the whole thing.

I don't think there are enough options for us to answer this.

Well, I don't know.

Can you just like, are you supposed to just like make your own?

Like I always like ketchup and mayo like on my plate and I'll like mix them together.

So that's fine.

Theoretical pump.

So jalapeno mango, I think, would be good.

Yeah.

Oh, there you go.

Spicy and sweet.

I like a smoky chipotle.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I am, I'm looking, I had a couple of good

ranches up in at Baggialis.

So I wanted to get like multiple different ranches.

They had a couple of different, they had a creamy pepperoni pepperoncini ranch or a creamy pepperoncini dipping sauce and then a green garlic ranch.

Wow.

And I thought both of them were great.

I think that's kind of more is like Zach Cherry was just here.

He got and he was nominated for an Emmy.

Congrats to Zach Cherry.

We love Zach.

And he asked me the other night, he's like, where should I get some pizza from?

And I told him Prime Pizza, which he liked quite a bit.

And they just have a great homemade ranch.

And that's all I need.

Like, hey, a homemade ranch.

And, you know, each one tastes a little bit different.

So their house ranch is great.

You can buy bottles of their ranch when you order pizza.

It's fucking good.

good.

You can get a bottle of it delivered and keep it in your fridge.

It's really, really, really good.

It's good, yeah.

It's fucking good.

You know what I say to this

Heinz freestyle machine, whatever the fuck it's called?

Burn in hell.

Yeah, at all.

Oh, I wasn't going to say burn in hell, but you all say that as well.

Burn in hell.

I almost feel bad sending the robot down to hell.

Yeah.

But, you know.

Why?

Why was I programmed?

Why was I given immortal life?

If you have a question or comment about the world of chain restaurants, you can email us at feedback at birdfuck.com or leave us a voicemail at 830 or or godo.

That's 830-4636844.

Our producers Emmertwood Wags, one second.

One second.

One second.

I'm afraid to show you these notes, but look, you can see this here.

Troy Verner.

No, no, no, don't read that one.

Troy Verner is like the opposite of Vern Troyer.

And he's like, and this is the actor I would want to play, Biggie Me

instead of

Biggie Me.

Biggie me.

Mickey me.

And that's a big version of Dr.

Evol.

Maybe I'm good.

A biggie.

Maybe I'm just funny.

Wow, that's really good, Mitch.

That proves the Youngin collective unconscious

theory.

Yeah, that's powerful.

Biggie me.

I remembered I wasn't at that live show.

Wow.

Thanks a lot, Emil.

I don't remember.

I'm not going to remember this episode.

Neither am I.

Our producers, Emma Erdrink, our associate producers, Amilo Marino, our video editor is Mike Dorfman.

Doughboys merchkinshipgoods.com slash Doughboys.

And the Doughboys double our weekly bonus episode, plus our entire pre-2018 backpack catalog is available at patreon.com slash Doughboys.

Shout out Barry Lamb for finding that clip.

Wow.

Well done, Barry.

Yeah, that was beautiful.

Ashley Birch, Mort Burke, Rebrand is the podcast.

People should check it out.

Please tell people about the show and anything else you would like to plug.

Yeah, sure.

Rebrand is our podcast where he rebrand stuff episodes with you guys.

They should go check that out.

We just had Ron Funches on.

We just had River Butcher on.

Oh, wow.

Yeah, it's been fun, man.

It's been great.

There's like, I think we're almost 50 episodes or something

coming up.

And follow me at Mort Burke on all the socials.

And my buddy Zach and I are going to be posting some sketches soon on there.

That'll be fun.

And I shot a special.

I don't know when it's coming out, but I got to stay in a special.

Oh, congrats.

Another one coming out.

But if you haven't seen the first one, it's called Spiritually Filthy.

And you can just find it on YouTube.

That's so exciting.

I'm Ashley Birch.

My name's spelled weird, so it's Ashley without an E and Birch with a U instead of an I.

And go watch.

I'm happy you're here on YouTube.

It's a mental health show with puppets.

It's really Ashley put out the show and it's so good, so funny, and so sweet and helpful.

Yeah, it's about

the first episode's about an anxiety disorder.

And within the first 15 seconds, I talk about fucking a puppet.

So it's that kind of humor.

Go watch it and learn about anxiety disorder.

Our listeners love that.

That's perfect.

She likes it because it's what she calls a humiliation ritual for me.

I like cucking my husband.

Our listeners like that too.

hey that'll do it for this episode of no boys until next time for the spood man mike mitchell i'm tiger wager happy eating see ya you open the fridge there's nothing there so what's it gonna be greasy pizza sad drive-through burgers

dish by blue apron is for nights like that these are the pre-made meals of your dreams

At least 20 grams of protein, no artificial flavors or colors, no chopping, no cleanup, no guilt.

Keep the flavor.

Ditch the subscription.

Get 20% off your first two orders with code APRAN20.

Terms and conditions apply.

Visit blueapron.com/slash terms for more.

That was a head gum podcast.