S3 Ep. 32 - Lifeboat

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Speaker 3 Dungeons and Daddies is a rowdy, horny, violent podcast for grown-ups. Content warnings can be found in the episode description.

Speaker 4 Good morning, and welcome to Flight 666666666 to Peachyville, Nebraska. Thank you.

Speaker 4 As we conclude our boarding process, we invite you to sit back and relax as we review the safety features of this Durlith HP-46 aircraft.

Speaker 4 At this time, all personal wards and amulets should be safely sewed in the seat back in front of you as they may interfere with the aircraft's glyph of protection.

Speaker 4 Once airborne, we'll let you know when you can pray to approved old and elder gods, but please know that some prayers may not be uttered at any time.

Speaker 4 You can find a list of approved rites and rituals in the in-flight information section of the Sky Mall Nomicon.

Speaker 4 There are 12 M101 howitzer kins on this plane, five on each side of the main deck and one on each side of the sacrifice deck.

Speaker 4 Please take a moment to locate the howitzer closest to your seat and keep in mind your closest howitzer may be behind you.

Speaker 4 In the event of a mid-air collision, these howitz may be clung to and fired downward to slow your descent into the Atlantic Ocean.

Speaker 4 To operate an M101 howitzer, please retrieve the 105mm shell from under your seat, load it into the breach, adjust range if necessary, and fire. Be sure to fire your howitzer before helping others.

Speaker 4 If you're sitting in the howitzer row and are unwilling or unable to operate an M101 howitzer, or if you suffer from the dreaded curse of the worm, please let us know and we'll be happy to find you a seat on the sacrifice deck.

Speaker 4 Once again, welcome aboard Flight 666666666 to Beacheville. And from all of us on your flight crew today, thanks for flying the friendly skies.

Speaker 4 Flight attends, prepare doors for departure and cross-check.

Speaker 2 Well in the Dungeons and Daddies. Not a BDSM podcast.
A Beachy one. Every episode, there's more spite in your voice when you say Nada.
Not a BDSM podcast.

Speaker 2 This is what we're playing.

Speaker 2 This show is not a BDSM podcast. This is all right.
This season we're playing Call of Cthulhu. Will is our DM.
And this is called the Peachyville Horror.

Speaker 2 This is a Call of Cthulhu actual play horror comedy podcast about four everyday schmos fighting the forces of darkness in the middle of the Atlantic Ocean. My name is Freddie Wong.

Speaker 2 I play Blake Lively.

Speaker 2 The...

Speaker 2 The... You even forget.
No, because you punched your microphone. I'm so excited for fucking why you're

Speaker 2 can't wait to hear about Blake. Mike Puncher Arnold over there.
Tyson's Mike Punch.

Speaker 2 Dude, I can beat Matt Tyson's Mike Puncher fucking blindfold.

Speaker 2 When you go up against Plosive Papinski, you know

Speaker 2 Tyson's Mike Punch.

Speaker 2 Oh, shit.

Speaker 2 This week's Blake Lively Fact.

Speaker 2 Of all the bodies of water, he prefers the oceans the least because, in his words, it is simply too salty. That's it.
Okay. Draw a look at that body.

Speaker 2 It's so salty.

Speaker 2 It's full of salt.

Speaker 2 We're fucking a killing of this episode already.

Speaker 2 Shit. Ladies and gentlemen, if you're in a vehicle right now that's moving, buckle up because this episode is all over.
Gonna be a good room.

Speaker 3 No, we're exhausted from trying to make each other laugh for an hour before we start.

Speaker 2 We talked for a whole weekend.

Speaker 2 We were trying to save you all from that talk, but now we're here

Speaker 2 my name is matthew i play kelsey grabber peachyville is the happiest and snappiest school mom and you know she always says what teaching her children is the greatest joy of my life until 3 p.m in which case leave me alone nice

Speaker 2 little fact about

Speaker 2 school doesn't even get out till four yep

Speaker 2 that last hour

Speaker 2 teachers check out around three the same time that kids do that's that last hour is her time a little fact about kelsey is with everything that's been going on, she hasn't had a lot of time to self-reflect, but she did do enough that she is tired of living one letter at a time.

Speaker 2 And if she does survive this, she is not waiting. And she's buying a cat, a dog, an emu, and a ferret all at once.
She's getting all of her pets, and she'll keep going, but she's not waiting anymore.

Speaker 2 That's all. Into that little apartment that she's living in? You know, Ross has got a backyard, so they can talk.
Emu in the backyard. Emu in the backyard.
Whatever.

Speaker 2 And, you know, there's probably a G animal, but right now four is good.

Speaker 2 Right now, four is good. Wait, goose, okay.
Goose. Gorilla.
Gerbil. Gerbal.
She's getting gerbil now, too. Nice.

Speaker 3 Can you imagine, like,

Speaker 3 I don't know.

Speaker 3 Say you've been dating someone for a couple years and you're getting pretty serious and you're thinking about like,

Speaker 3 you know, like what your future looks like together. And then you're like, yeah, babe, we're going to have a nice house with a white picket fence and Mimu in the backyard.

Speaker 2 And then she's like, what?

Speaker 2 What do you mean? Yeah.

Speaker 3 And then, you know, you just, you would be in hot water then, I think.

Speaker 2 We're living on animals and bad. Animal that starts with N.

Speaker 2 All the boys are working on something really difficult right now. And animal that starts.
No, no, Googling. No Googling.
All right, just stop the podcast. Google with our mind.
Animal that starts

Speaker 2 normal. Thank God.
That's why you have a woman on the podcast. Yep.
It's so important to have diverse viewpoints. Orangutan, as you said, orangutan.
Platypus.

Speaker 2 Sorry. Quakka.
Kwaka. Kwaka, of course.
Kwaka, yeah. Reindeer.
raccoon, snake.

Speaker 2 What is that?

Speaker 2 All right, just go.

Speaker 2 We're so close.

Speaker 2 We're so close. We're so close.

Speaker 2 Water dice.

Speaker 2 Umbrella. There's got to be some animal that has umbrella in it.
Urchin. Let's see urchin.
Urchin. Okay.

Speaker 2 Just urchin. It's all twisted up.

Speaker 2 Misty twist here.

Speaker 2 Vampire bat.

Speaker 2 That feels like. That's the name of the bat.
That's the name of the the bat. That feels like an adjective.

Speaker 2 No, it's called a vampire bat. Wait, wait.

Speaker 2 It's not a bat, and they say, that one's vampire-y. Like, the name of the bat is vampire bison.
W, water bison. Walrus.
X-O-No. It's the...
Oh, it's that one. That's that one.

Speaker 3 Hey, you're criticizing Matt for doing vampire bat, and then you come up with water bison.

Speaker 2 Your honor, the prosecution. Your honor, the prosecution established precedent.
Oh, this guy. Isn't that water? Water ball.

Speaker 2 There's that thing that looks like a deer that starts with an X, right? What is that fucking thing?

Speaker 2 What is it?

Speaker 2 Yeah, it's got X in it.

Speaker 3 I don't think we're gonna be okay.

Speaker 2 Let's let this dangle and then somebody in like 20 minutes and we'll say it. Wait, wait, wait.
Can I just say really quick? Just informal straight a fucking

Speaker 2 z bro, we just need X. No, informal, but I will say this.
When you type into Google, animal starting with the top letters are X is the first one that everyone's worried about.

Speaker 2 You, which we passed with flying colors.

Speaker 2 S.

Speaker 2 We said urchin. Yeah.

Speaker 2 And then you rip like, but that urchin is for score fucking score.

Speaker 2 S.

Speaker 2 Which would we say for S?

Speaker 2 Snake S.

Speaker 2 And the animal starting with N. But X shows up.
It took a while. N was hard.
Was X. Whose turn did we get? I got no an X.
We did the other one. Just give it to me.
No, no. No.
No. No.

Speaker 2 Yo, this podcast is all about the terror of the unknown, Matt. If someone without Googling.

Speaker 2 If someone without Googling gives me an X animal before the end of the episode, an honor system on this, you'll get a triple.

Speaker 2 I'm going to tell you right now, that's not going to happen. That's not going to happen.
Oh, is there like non-animal?

Speaker 2 Freddy cheated. I'm just looking at the family.

Speaker 2 That's why all those fucking alphabet books always put like fox.

Speaker 2 They do. Now that there's an ex-animal.
There are, but it's just like they got long ass fucking.

Speaker 3 I bet if you had a pet animal with really sharp fangs, like a shark or something, but it was a pet, you could name him Xacto, and that would be kind of like an animal.

Speaker 2 All right, they would come after you for copyright, but then

Speaker 2 it's me, it's me now.

Speaker 2 Hi, I'm Anthony Birch. I play Francis Farnsworth, a kid in the ocean who almost died, but didn't quite, but might again.
I have two Francis facts: one breaks the fourth wall, one doesn't.

Speaker 2 The first one that doesn't break the fourth wall is that I mentioned earlier that Francis is worried that God hates him because God sees him masturbating.

Speaker 2 And now that he knows that the powers that be exist, and that's multiple gods, he's like 10 times more terrified than they've all been watching him.

Speaker 2 And that's why they made a big dick go down in the middle of the world. He feels like he's responsible for this with all the jorking he did.
Oh, no. The age of no fap has begun.

Speaker 2 Fourth ball breaking one is: if you are interested in vacationing outside of this country, let's say, I would start applying now because it often takes an average of 12 to 18 months for that country to approve your vacation request.

Speaker 2 You can do digital visas. I'm sure I've gone to places before though.

Speaker 2 You must be very privileged then.

Speaker 2 Yeah, there's digital visas you will get. Canada has a point system.
You know, great places to spend a little bit of time temporarily and not for the rest of your life.

Speaker 3 So, my name is Beth May, and I play Trudy Trout,

Speaker 3 homemaker in the ocean, mother of one child that she really needs to work on that relationship with this.

Speaker 2 This is an ex-parrot. Is that something? No.
Cut it.

Speaker 3 What do you mean, ex-parrot?

Speaker 2 Oh, sorry. I'm sorry.
I'm not as sorry as I am. It depends.
Are you doing a podcast? You're trying to get a fucking laugh at a middle school lunch table in 1998.

Speaker 2 Weren't you the guy that saw Austin Powers the first time when he was like 16 and tried to bring it back?

Speaker 2 Go ahead, Beth.

Speaker 3 Fun fact about Trudy is that, yes, she homeschools her children, or as she likes to call it, engages in machine learning.

Speaker 2 32 episodes, you're still killing her. It's a tremendous power drain for her to do that, though.
Yes.

Speaker 2 Yeah, but not as much as you think nowadays. It's a French language model joke.

Speaker 2 Look, if Terra Swoop can fly her jet to a concert, I can make a picture of her flying jet to the concert.

Speaker 2 Holy shit. Oh, shit.
Hi, everyone. I'm Will Campos.
I am your daddy master. I am your minister of doom or whatever.

Speaker 2 I'm the one. Wait, there's the name for her.
What are you? Keeper. You're the keeper.
You're the keeper.

Speaker 2 I'm daddy's keeper. I'm your father's keeper.
And my spooky fact for you today.

Speaker 3 It's my favorite part. Yeah.

Speaker 2 The bloop, the source of a mysterious rumble. For the longest time, this fucking sound that got picked up in the ocean and they were like, it's like the loudest, largest sound ever made.

Speaker 2 They were like, this was organic in nature. So for the longest time, until science ruined everything, everyone was like, there's a big, scary monster at the bottom of the ocean that made the bloop.

Speaker 2 That's what they're like,

Speaker 2 the fucking glacier fell into the ocean. Oh, he spoiled it.
I mean, that's cooler than the fucking wow signal from space. What's with the wow signal? Please don't tell me.

Speaker 2 It was a signal that was so loud and high. The guy wrote, wow, wow, like, there must be aliens.
And then they were like, nah, a guy used the microwave in the breaker.

Speaker 2 Wow. I can't wait for my hot burrito.

Speaker 2 Wow. Half of this is cold.

Speaker 2 All right. Do you guys want to do it? Let's do it.
We're in the fucking middle of the ocean next to a dick. I have no fucking clue how you guys are going to get it.

Speaker 2 We're next. We're in the ocean.
This is partially your job.

Speaker 2 Just to remind everyone of some important things that have been happening. You all, a couple episodes ago, were in a big, scary goo chamber.

Speaker 2 It was all in Machman's goo chamber, and you had interesting dreams.

Speaker 2 Matt Kelsey dreamed that she saw Milton hiding in his closet while his mother was defending him, while the fucking door to their house was breaking down.

Speaker 2 Milton told you about this spooky book that he found that had the lists of the date of everyone's death in Peachyville, but the only name that wasn't there was yours.

Speaker 2 And all of the names at the end of the book seem to be dying dot dot dot two days from now. Not me.
But not you, but you don't know. But it is also weird that.
Or you die earlier. Shit.

Speaker 2 Yeah, you don't know. What are the five things that are on my bracelet? It is an eye.

Speaker 2 A peach.

Speaker 2 A compass. An eggplant emoji.
A lock. The squirting water.

Speaker 2 That is funny.

Speaker 2 And a skull. Another squirting water, believe it or not.

Speaker 3 And a birthday cake.

Speaker 2 And one of those ones where it just says the word cool.

Speaker 2 Wait, does birthday cake have like a separate meaning? I don't know.

Speaker 2 Okay. If you get eight pine emoji and birthday cake, you got a good time when you get home.

Speaker 2 Like, what else could it mean? I put my dick in your cake.

Speaker 2 But yes, you are aware that if Milton's notebook, which is Neri missed once so far, is right, everyone in Peachyville will die at the end of the day tomorrow.

Speaker 2 So Zuzel will win and the powers that be will die. Well, assuming this is what I'm deducing.
Oh, you know, Peachyville will die. Yes.
Blake,

Speaker 2 you had a spiritual connection, all of that scene in Kung Fu Banda where the old man dies with Ambristor, who tried to teach you the gun katas but failed.

Speaker 2 But you asked him if there was any way out of this crisis that you find yourselves in. And he gave you one last cryptic hint.
And he told you to seek the sinking light. What could it possibly mean?

Speaker 2 We'll come up this episode. I don't know.
Maybe. We'll see.
We'll find out. That would be maybe why I said it up here so that you'd remember it.

Speaker 2 Francis Astral projected back to Peachyville and and saw the shit was going down. People were getting rounded up.
It was bad vibes. You also went to the Dr.
Doggs. You went to Dr.
Dog's official.

Speaker 2 I was already gotten the key out, and then her assistant was actually working for the Bisons, so I killed him, and he dropped the key. And as far as I know, that's where it still is.
Yes.

Speaker 2 Trudy didn't get it. I didn't get a recap.
Well, you didn't. I mean, you've been like, you've been good.

Speaker 2 You were bad?

Speaker 2 No, it's just Trudy to bring us back up to speed. Mothman fixed you up.
You got a heart-to-heart with your son. Relish Wet showed up and blew up the ship.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 You're done, Trudy. If this is an RPG and you look at, like, a lot of RPGs have like relationship trackers, like, you scroll down, you're like, Trudy, Trudy, Trudy.
Okay, I got it all. It's good.

Speaker 2 We're done.

Speaker 2 We're done. We've done that.
We're going to give you daily gas. We're done with Trudy.
That's the worst thing I've ever heard. Trudy didn't have anything.
I'm a little dialogue treaty's time.

Speaker 2 Yeah, Trudy didn't have any load-bearing plot points that needed to be reminded of that.

Speaker 3 Because Will knows I can't be trusted with them.

Speaker 2 Oh, he's like, I can't remember the five things I was supposed to remember. So five things you're supposed to remember in one of the heavens.
It's another way.

Speaker 2 Turn a boat in the middle of the Atlantic Ocean. What do you want to do? We were singing.

Speaker 2 There's a beer on the wall. Nice bottles.

Speaker 2 You take one down and pass it around.

Speaker 2 What do you guys think? Somebody's going to like home in on Trudy's signal. Trudy, are you broadcasting your signal?

Speaker 3 What do you mean, broadcast?

Speaker 2 You're like a radio, also, right? You're like everything. You're a robot.
Thank you.

Speaker 3 I do think I have a nice singing voice.

Speaker 2 I got a question for you guys. Yeah.
What's up?

Speaker 2 What makes you think that the crazy world out there cares about five squares in in a lifeboat?

Speaker 2 We're just throwing out lines for you to pick up at your leisure. It sounds like, you know, if anyone's going to save us, it's going to be us, right?

Speaker 2 I don't think we can wait on anybody to take care of this situation. The court is saying this? Who is this? Yeah, it's Timmy.
It's me, Timmy. Ah, hello, okay.

Speaker 2 Come on, Francis. Okay, Timmy, what's your idea? My idea is I, hey, my idea is we should think of an idea instead of singing it out.
Oh, the visionary. You have a concept of a plan.
That's Francis.

Speaker 2 Timmy, that's a good idea. Sometimes the best way to frame an idea.
Hey, Francis,

Speaker 2 boys. I don't like you.
Okay, boys. that's fine I don't like you Francis

Speaker 2 I say we solve this with a fight no

Speaker 2 no no no

Speaker 3 no no no no we're not gonna fight we're gonna learn about each other trudy

Speaker 2 trudy Kelsey with all due respect excuse me I was in a boat with you guys right now

Speaker 3 I don't know why I use the past tense and so we don't really have a way out of here and yes I agree Timmy we should find a way but when else are we gonna be at the edge of the apocalypse with you know the five people that mean most to us?

Speaker 3 And four

Speaker 2 doesn't mean anything to me. I don't like that.

Speaker 3 Listen, Timmy, I'm in the same boat as you, literally, but

Speaker 2 I like you so much.

Speaker 3 I just think we should get to know each other a bit with your fists.

Speaker 2 This is the way of men, Timmy.

Speaker 3 What's your favorite color?

Speaker 2 Red. I mean, you should know that.
Oh, I mean,

Speaker 2 I know. Is that anything parents have to know?

Speaker 3 No, I know. I know I should know it.

Speaker 2 I'm sorry. For the record, the night sky.
What? What? Wow. That's my favorite color.
The color of the night sky.

Speaker 2 You know what, Francis? No, that's good. That's good.
What's your favorite color, Francis?

Speaker 3 Yes, Francis, what's your favorite color?

Speaker 2 What's your favorite color? As I've mentioned before, I'm colorblind, so blue, because it's the only one I know what it looks like. All right, that's kind of cool.

Speaker 2 Thank you.

Speaker 2 We're building bridges. Okay, everybody done building bridges.
Everybody's good? Well, what do we have? What is the equipment and the things that we have that we could use?

Speaker 2 I can astral project, but I can only astral project so far when I'm sleeping. Wait, what? Oh, yeah.
Is Is that not a thing I told you I could do? Sorry, it saved us. But sorry, what the hell?

Speaker 2 And you've got...

Speaker 3 Hmm, what else? Let me think. You've got a cursed gun that kills people.

Speaker 2 Yeah, I don't love that. Oh, Francis.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 This cursed gun of yours. Might have fenced you turned into a spear, but yes.
Cursed weapon, let us just say.

Speaker 2 Could you perhaps turn it into a Civil War-era Gatling gun and use it to propel our boat across the Atlantic at very quick speeds?

Speaker 2 I think previously I used it as a howitzer and gave up all my luck in order to do so, so I don't know if I want to go back to that well again. And didn't it sink where Osama bin Laden is? Oh, yeah.

Speaker 2 It did. Britt Hill's back under your back.
Did she spear her gun?

Speaker 2 She's spear form.

Speaker 2 Oh, oh, oh,

Speaker 2 we turned that sharp end away from the raft. Yeah.
Okay. Okay.

Speaker 2 In fact, can it turn back into a gun? Yes, it turns back into a gun.

Speaker 2 I mean, you can still pop the raft in a different way. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Shooting is less likely than just being.

Speaker 2 Do you want me to pop the raft? It's a good thing. It would be so funny if we all sank.

Speaker 2 You know, I can use the shoulder guard to row a little bit. That'll make me feel like I'm doing something.
Or just shoot the gun a lot and then make the boat go fast. She does have limited ammo.

Speaker 2 Also, when Brunel turns to the gun, Blake goes, huh? Is there anything else in this raft? I looked at this. I did a lot of research about what this raft has.

Speaker 2 Instead of figuring out what this episode was going to happen, I went down a rabbit hole on the survival gear that you would find in a raft like this. Excellent.

Speaker 2 Among the many things you find, this is literally written on the tin, is you find a box of survival rations, which is enough to feed one man for six days or six men for one day. Okay.

Speaker 2 Kelsey for three days. So like, we're Kelsey for three days.

Speaker 2 We're

Speaker 2 infinitely. And this is a fun fact, it's mostly filled with candy because, like, they would use candy because, like, that was the sugar that would, yes,

Speaker 2 are there little paddles? Yeah, we'll say you got two paddles. Okay, then, while Francis has been complaining, we're not doing anything, Kelsey has been rowing.
Okay, which direction are you rowing?

Speaker 2 Away from the dick. Okay, good.

Speaker 2 As far away from the dick as possible, okay. And that's what we've been doing.
And just so you know, your mother was singing to help me with the rhythm.

Speaker 2 I mean, she could help by actually rowing, but at least we are trying to do something, okay? All right. You have access to Zuzel in your mind, right? You can talk to him? Yeah.

Speaker 2 So actually, Kelsey, there's an empty hole in your consciousness where Zuzel used to be. He's Splitzville.
No.

Speaker 2 You haven't seen hide nor hair of him after he tried to give you that goodbye smooch and you closed the door on him. Yeah.
Well, I have half of an idea.

Speaker 2 If we could use Trudy's like internal mechanisms to like make a radio and find some way to like, I don't know, I could like astrally project a booster signal. I don't know, something.

Speaker 2 But if we can contact somebody back in Peachyville and tell them where the blue key is, then we'll have all the keys we need to kill Zuzel, which means we have leverage over him.

Speaker 2 So we could like make him save us maybe or make him, you know, do, I don't know. So really quick, just I want to save us.

Speaker 2 And I think you may all know this, but right now the situation is I think all of Peachyville is going to die. Yeah.
But if Peachyville dies, the world is saved. Yeah.

Speaker 2 And if we stop Peachyville from dying, the whole world's going to end, which would mean also Peachyville. Yeah.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 You were arguing against this exact line of logic when I was I'm just stating the situation just so that we understood. I personally don't mind if Peachyville dies if the rest of the world is.

Speaker 2 I mean, I mine, but like, I'm willing to accept it, but I'm trying for a third option. Yeah, it's the best of the two options, but I can't.
Those are my students.

Speaker 2 And I mean, I guess then all my students would die anyways. I am with Kelsey.
Peachyville must be saved. Yeah.
Yeah. I mean, I'm down to try.
Yeah, we should try.

Speaker 2 And I don't know if Zuzel, I mean, Zuzel seems pretty one-shot by it. I don't know.
Well, he doesn't want to die. He doesn't want to die.
True. Wait, wait, really quick.

Speaker 2 For Zuzel to even appear, Peachyville's already died, right? Yes, in the act of summoning him, they sacrifice a bunch of

Speaker 2 space.

Speaker 2 Also, to clarify, just so we have it on the record, Arlo explained to you that the three keys activate a weapon that will destroy whatever is in the ritual chamber, which is the thing that Zuzel is birthed out of, which is what killed Tony.

Speaker 2 Mother. Mother.
Yes. Okay.
Oh, this is good. Timmy, you seem to know a lot about this.

Speaker 2 Wait, wait. If somebody turns the keys, Zuzel appears appears or does it appear? It's not appeared.

Speaker 2 What I remember from when my mom was brilliantly recapping the whole adventure that you guys have been on without missing a single detail. Yes.
And, you know, when I was listening to

Speaker 2 you, you call her your mom. Huh? Oh,

Speaker 2 she's my mom. Yeah.
I got complicated feelings about her, but she's my mom. That's a step.
Hey, Francis, when I want to hear what an asshole thinks, I'll fart.

Speaker 2 No!

Speaker 2 Sweetie, that's a really good one.

Speaker 2 I can't complain about that one. Putting that one in my back pocket.
This is is what I want to know. If we do nothing, Zuzel arises or Zuzel doesn't arise.

Speaker 2 If we all sit on our ass out here in the ocean,

Speaker 2 it seems like this cult back in town will sacrifice everybody, and that will cause Zuzel to appear and fight the powers that be, this big space wiener in the sky.

Speaker 2 Okay, so if we do nothing, the world will save, but Peachyville's dead. Yeah.
But again, who knows, right? Did we ever hear like what Zuzel does afterward? Does he just hang out?

Speaker 2 So he seems to have left me. I can't really talk to him.
Yeah, I'm just trying to remember if we ever learned what would happen after he fought the powers that be.

Speaker 2 Nah, he didn't really talk about after. Because that sounds like a pretty bad situation, too.
Maybe he likes to make the whole world like his slaves or something. Yeah.
He just runs everything.

Speaker 2 When dealing with all-powerful beings, we can never be too sure.

Speaker 3 Maybe we all turn into ants or something, and we're stuck in an ant body for the rest of our lives, and we're just ants in an ant hill.

Speaker 2 Oh man, I'd be so strong, though. Well, we're rowing away from the dick, which is not really a direction.
Blake, have you figured out which direction this is?

Speaker 2 Based on the position of the sun in the southern hemisphere, we are in the northern hemisphere. And based on the time...

Speaker 2 Hey,

Speaker 2 this is geo-guesser meta, Will. Sun's out.
Keep going. You're doing great.

Speaker 2 Imagine this at night. I don't see any light poles or ballards.
Learning from an elder. And I'm looking down, and I don't see the Google Street View car, so I can't pull any meta off of that.
Okay.

Speaker 2 No bollards, no light poles.

Speaker 2 Just ocean, so we can have some directionality. This appears to be Gen 4 coverage.

Speaker 2 There's a couple of GeoGuesser guys out there who are having a great time with me right now. That's great.
I'm not one of them, though, so can you

Speaker 2 tell me

Speaker 2 the sun? Amazing. There's a compass in the boat.
Like, yes, you have a compass. Ah, the compass.

Speaker 2 Yeah, I'll alter you guys a little bit. There's not just a clock that goes in weird directions based on where you look.

Speaker 2 Okay, okay. We're heading west.
I'm rowing west, assuming that's away from the dick. And if it's not in the good way, then I'm just trying to get us towards America.

Speaker 2 Try to submarize the money.

Speaker 2 Yes, go, Francis. You got this.
I can astral project. Great.
You once had zoos on your head, but you no longer do. No, he's gone.

Speaker 2 Trudy has a fuckload of different moles that, when pressed, could do random things. We don't know what, but some of them surely must be useful.
Do you have any more legs still? No, my leg exploded.

Speaker 2 We have a pair of Trudy legs. We do have a pair of Trudy legs.
Yes.

Speaker 2 Entangle those dams over the edge of the boat. Yeah, somewhere the big table with all the legs on them must have landed and is floating somewhere, but I don't see it right now.

Speaker 2 How many legs do we have, DM? Right now you have the two legs attached to Trudy in the boat. And all of your legs and arms, which don't have hover capability, but are you going to be able to do that?

Speaker 2 But Trudy games, because maybe this happened around like 10 bottles of beer on the wall.

Speaker 2 Do you think we put your legs in the boat to make like a little engine?

Speaker 3 A little propeller.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 Sure, but even if that's the case, it'll take so long to get it. I know we're there.
One step in the race

Speaker 2 and that's it. I'm thinking of a different step in a different direction.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's why I'm not.

Speaker 2 Because we were barely out of Russia by the time the plane crashed, which means we could go back to Russia and steal a plane. And that would be like a million times faster.
But I'm homesick.

Speaker 2 I want to get you home. I would say you were equidistant.
Where did the exact same thing?

Speaker 2 hold on, where did they drop them? Were we in the plane?

Speaker 2 Who knows where they dropped him somehow?

Speaker 2 That's where we are.

Speaker 2 Wait,

Speaker 2 wait, wait,

Speaker 2 wait, they never said if we could find out that defeat the prince,

Speaker 2 James Cameron would be down there right now.

Speaker 2 Right? Was it like the Indian Ocean? I think it was. Yeah, I don't think it was in the Indian Ocean.

Speaker 2 Tragically you're not worried about it. That was the cover story.
Hey, by the way, just saying, listen, all right, I just want to take a beat. If you're the U.S.

Speaker 2 government and you've killed like the guy you've been going after, what's the easiest way of throwing people off the track? Be like, we put them in the North, the Indian Ocean. Psych idiots.

Speaker 2 You think you'll believe us? We're in the North Atlantic Ocean. Yes.
Somewhere in the middle.

Speaker 3 In the North Atlantic, that means there's icebergs.

Speaker 2 Not that north. Team, if we're equidistant, then France is a great idea.

Speaker 2 I think if we have to steal a plane, it's just as easy to steal an American plane than a European one, and they speak English in America. Yeah.
So let's just, we'll, we'll keep heading west.

Speaker 2 We'll keep heading west. And I'm not saying that that's going to be the answer because we'll probably, I mean, we will not get there before the time's up.
At least we're getting closer.

Speaker 2 So if you have an idea, you know, whoever comes to save us doesn't have to fly. So here's what I will say.
Yes.

Speaker 2 I like this idea of using Trudy as a propeller, which will make you move a little further. If you want Trudy to keep propelling, she has to eat more rations than you guys.
Okay. That's fine.

Speaker 2 That's fine. I have an insane idea.
Okay, go, Francis. Go, Francis.
What if I make Brunhilde turn into a surface-to-surface missile and have her launch herself at the nearest American base? Holy shit.

Speaker 2 They will then trace the origin of the missile to us. And then I guess we wave it up.
They want a nuke. They want to see what happened.

Speaker 2 They'll look first, and then we'll wave at them and say, it's not help. Francis, I appreciate this idea.
And I think there's something, there is a part of it we could use.

Speaker 2 I will say famously, when America sees a missile coming, they shoot first and ask questions later, which is why

Speaker 2 the proliferation.

Speaker 2 I have something to say to you, Francis, which is that as much as I like this goofy plans that would involve me killing a bunch of Americans for no reason, I can only turn into weapons that I have seen.

Speaker 2 I've never seen this surface-to-surface missile of V-2. You saw a howitzer? When did you see a howitzer? When I was in fucking World War II, Ding Darn.
And you may have seen it.

Speaker 2 And you probably saw the missiles.

Speaker 2 How many fucking World War II soldiers do you think saw rockets? The V2 rockets? You think they just let me see something?

Speaker 2 They were launching the V2. Do you have a better chance than? They were launching the V2 or the V1s.
They were launching the V1s at hold. What's the fastest, loudest thing you've ever been, Brunhilda?

Speaker 2 The fastest, louder. Was it the Hauser? The fastest, loudest weapon Brunhilda's ever been.
Yeah, just give me a little backstory, Brunhilda.

Speaker 2 So the last guy she was with was probably like a fucking Nazi sniper on the Eastern Front or on the Western Front.

Speaker 2 Western Front, because that's where Francis' dad picked her up. So, like, yeah, just a German infantry guy.
And it's a weapon, not a vehicle. So, like, the fastest weapon.

Speaker 2 It's the fastest weapon is you're looking at it, baby. Okay.
Francis, tell her that I said that all cool like that. It said I said, you're looking at it, baby.
She didn't say anything helpful.

Speaker 2 So you and Astro Project, I guess you want to just go searching. Francis, tell her.
Tell her what I said. No.
Can we send Franciscan? Mothman. I'm not talking to you right now.

Speaker 2 Can we send Francis out like a Falcon in an Assassin's Creed game to like look around and see if there's anything?

Speaker 2 Sure. Yeah.

Speaker 2 I love that. And I feel like if that was an idea, like, since we canonically said we got to 96 bottles of beer on the wall.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 I feel like Francis has been sent out to look around the ocean to see if there's anybody else near us. Okay.

Speaker 2 I love this. So this is what I was going to say, like now that you guys are stuck in the middle of the Atlantic Ocean, potentially for days, if not weeks, if not months on end.

Speaker 2 No, you can't be that because you said we're going to all die the next day. Yeah, with two days, dude.
Well, not all of us. I was talking about a few hours.
We've been in the ocean for a few hours.

Speaker 2 How long has it been? It's only been a couple. I'm saying you might be stuck.
Oh, okay. For who knows how long? I was thinking we could go back to my patented morning, afternoon, night action system.

Speaker 2 Oh, okay. So, if you would like your morning action to be to sail westward while Francis scouts the area around you, that sounds lovely to me.
How fast does Trudy's legs propel us?

Speaker 2 We'll say the hover boots. You're getting like 30 knots.

Speaker 2 the dauntless is has the power in this water but none can match the pearl for speed i can't remember what the line is in

Speaker 3 oh yeah that's really good

Speaker 2 i've seen it too many times i'd say like an outboard motor like a fishing boat motor

Speaker 2 a number mph 15 horsepower outboard motor can achieve speeds between 10 and 30 miles an hour 30

Speaker 2 30 let's say 20 mid the middle you guys can go 20 mph it'll take us 80 hours to get across the ocean and then we're on the east coast yeah i'm just i'm just letting everything out there. So we wait.

Speaker 3 Wait, 80 hours?

Speaker 2 80 hours. So that's more than a day.

Speaker 2 That's more than days. It's a lot faster than I would have caught.

Speaker 2 That's way faster than I would have thought. To get across the Atlantic Ocean? I said halfway between the Atlantic Ocean is like 3,200 miles.
So half of that's 1,600 miles.

Speaker 2 And then I said, how long does it take to get 1,600 miles going 20 miles per hour? And it's 80 hours. Holy shit.
This feels...

Speaker 2 I mean, you might be inclement weather and stuff like that. You guys are running out of time.
What do you want?

Speaker 2 Literally, we're not going to make it. What do you want? I'm just doing this.
No, no, no, no, no. I got a little Excel sheet on the boat here, and I'm just writing stuff down.

Speaker 2 Yes, let's have Francis look around within distance, and I guess what's the mechanic for seeing if he sees anything? Yes, you're at a cruising speed of 17.37 knots. Okay.

Speaker 2 I will say that for every day that you guys do this, Trudy would have to eat 2x rations. So we have 48 hours.
We have six actions.

Speaker 2 We need to figure out how to get into the air. Yes.
That's to me the only way that we can get out of this or we need to get way faster with the boat. So your morning action is your cruising.

Speaker 2 Francis's morning action is to soar around using his astral projection to see if there's anything out here. Okay, you guys start clipping across the ocean.

Speaker 2 Francis, you rise up into the sky, and you see the following things: you see, obviously, the big fucking dick that is destroying the earth because you masturbated, and all the horrible little floaty sky sperm are like they're kind of just circling like vultures right now.

Speaker 2 They're just like hovering around this thing almost like a no-fly zone. They're like in a sort of defensive pattern to protect this thing.
A no-come zone,

Speaker 2 we could do the James of the Giant peach idea. Oh, my God.
You want to lasso one of these worms? A lot of them.

Speaker 2 Just like James did with

Speaker 2 the seagulls.

Speaker 2 And he used the worm to track the seagulls. Let's first hear what the other things I see are, and then we'll come back to that.

Speaker 2 We're going to get in the air.

Speaker 2 I'm not averse to it. I just want to know what our options are.
Yeah, we'll say that you see the wreckage of the table and you see a couple of floating legs bobbing in the water.

Speaker 2 You see a couple, let's say, oh,

Speaker 2 guys.

Speaker 2 What? You fucking

Speaker 2 fucking ready for this? What? I've been waiting. I'm so excited.
I just bought myself a new little toy. You may be wondering what this cool watch I have.
Yeah, I was. This is cool.

Speaker 2 This cool watch is from Time Stop Technologies, and it's the only digital wristwatch with a built-in tabletop dice roller. Wow.

Speaker 2 So I will now use my wristwatch.

Speaker 2 The D20 watch. No way.
I will now use my wristwatch to roll a D6 to find how how many. And you guys got four Trudy legs.
Okay. I was really expecting like a bigger reaction to some of these watches.

Speaker 2 I'm sorry.

Speaker 2 Yes, you could reach them this afternoon. That was great.
Well, then that more than triples our speed, so we'll get there in time. And so that's to the north, we'll say, which is not to the west.

Speaker 2 So you'd have to divert your path to go there. Then to the south, like far off in the distance, the legs you could reach this afternoon.
This is just like Wind Waker, man. This is so cool.
Yes,

Speaker 2 you can't move. You're stuck in the ocean.
Wind Waker. No sails, big dick, just like Wind Waker.

Speaker 2 To the south, way off in the distance, you can barely detect like a faint light, like a faint green light that seems to be dispersed just under the surface of the whole thing.

Speaker 2 That was submerging, like the light you were supposed to. Yeah, like a sinking light.
Yeah, sinking light.

Speaker 2 I don't know. I think God wants us to go south.

Speaker 2 Well, can you just astro project? I shot down every other idea of the thing going on. Oh, you do whatever you want.
I'm just fucking throwing, you guys. I'm just throwing fucking shit out there.

Speaker 2 Do whatever you want. You guys want to lasso skysport fucking? astro project there.
Francis, here's what I would like if you could just indulge your teacher for a moment.

Speaker 2 It sounds like you can astro project, which I'm just accepting at face value.

Speaker 2 You should. Yeah, yeah.
So I would like for you to run two experiments. Ooh, which is the control?

Speaker 2 There's no control. It's not really experiments.
It's not really experiments. I only learned one thing about the surgeon.
You're right. I should have said experiments.
I saw you did two things.

Speaker 2 One, can you get close? Can you see where the light is? Yeah.

Speaker 2 And I want to see if the sky creatures, if they sense you when you're astro projecting and if they'll like follow you or chase you okay because class let me just super

Speaker 2 my possible idea which is if and this is a big if if we could lasso these sea sperm with what again like one step at a time

Speaker 2 franc just one step at a time

Speaker 2 and fly and they would chase you like you know like the hounds at the racetrack chasing the rabbit yeah like and you could fly because the problem with the astro projecting is your body's not actually there so you just be asleep in here and you soar us over to to America and the sea sperms chase you.

Speaker 2 That's just an idea. Maybe it's a little whimsical, but it's just an idea.
No, that's where we should be trying everything.

Speaker 2 Francis, go try and get the sperm to chase you. Okay, well, first of all, in order, I want to do the other thing first because

Speaker 2 going to see where the light is. Well, yeah, get them to chase me towards the light.

Speaker 2 If I do the sperm thing first and they chase me, then I won't even get to know what's over the light because I'll be panicking. Okay, fair enough.
Francis, what would you like to do?

Speaker 2 Okay, so first I want to go check out the light, see as close as I can get before my like astral tether pulls me back. Okay.
I sing you all up it up, you go to sleep.

Speaker 2 What are you sing? Huh? What are you singing? Sing it. Count it.
Sing it. Sing it.
A, B, C, D, E, R. It's the same dude as Twinkle and you chose the alphabet.
I-J-K-L-M-N-O-P. All right.

Speaker 2 Allocator starts with A. We don't know what X is.

Speaker 2 B is bat and V is vampire bat.

Speaker 2 Francis, give me a disadvantaged constitution roll to go to sleep. No, what?

Speaker 2 Nobody laughed. It was boring.
It makes me go to sleep. Ooh, I got a nine and a thirteen, so I passed.
Monster's fault. Okay, so you managed to sleep.
Nobody sleeps like Francis.

Speaker 2 You manage to go back to sleep.

Speaker 2 You glide south towards the glowing light, and as you approach, you realize that it is in fact from Mothman's ship, the wrecked debris of Mothman's ship, which is by some sort of ethereal power and also like some of the exploded non-Newtonian goo is submerged just a couple feet underwater.

Speaker 2 And there's this glowing light coming from the, you know, what's left of the engine room. it's submerged just under the water but you can tell it is slowly sinking to the briny deep

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Speaker 2 so i'm going to now head over to the spermies and see if they follow me as i head back to the um okay the boat so you like soared underwater there they didn't see you and then when you're coming back to the boat you're above water exactly yeah there you go okay

Speaker 2 i only draw aggro when i have to draw aggro yeah so you come on so you then glide under the water back towards the big sky wiener how close to it are you bursting back out i mean what is the limit of my astral projection you can make it there because you guys aren't that far from it like you can make it i'll just go there until I see any sort of reaction from them whatsoever, and then I'll start heading back.

Speaker 2 So, you fly over as you get closer. It's hard to tell.

Speaker 2 As you approach, they don't seem particularly concerned with you because they happen to be locked in a pitched air battle with some fighter planes that seem to have arrived on the scene, probably sortied from a far-off aircraft carrier or something like that.

Speaker 2 I'm going to go into one of the planes. So, let's lasso the fighter plane.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 They're tearing these things fucking apart. They are just ripping through these things.
Like, no, no, those fighter planes are not going to survive the next 30 seconds.

Speaker 2 It does not seem like it's not going to be. They're going to survive.

Speaker 2 But they are preoccupied with that, so they don't seem to have noticed. Wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute.
What? Sorry. There's fighter planes.
Yeah. Yeah.
Which means there's a carrier.

Speaker 2 Which means there's an aircraft carrier nearby. They have aircraft carriers nearby.
Of course they did. It changed the course of World War II.

Speaker 2 That was the dark horse that redefined the war in the Pacific. You're right.
Yes. The war in the Pacific was decided with the aircraft.
Huge aircraft carriers were so instrumental, Will.

Speaker 2 So there's aircraft carrier nearby, which is an aircraft carrier within 500 miles of us. 500 miles? Yeah, that's World War II, Matt.
Not modern jets. And aircraft carriers go, oh, 34 miles per hour.

Speaker 2 So we could get home in 50 hours.

Speaker 2 I'm just giving the stats.

Speaker 2 I'm saying the airplanes are. Also, it just seems like very clearly we should go and do them all the matches.
Yes, that's right. I'm just throwing that.
Look, that's what you see.

Speaker 2 The bigger point I was bringing up: if you want to get their attention, you're going to have to get their attention somehow. Hey!

Speaker 2 One of them stops and looks at you. Cool.
It can see me. Yeah.
Call it stupid and run away from it. Let's see if it chases you.
I'm the reason you're here.

Speaker 2 It's my jism that summoned you to this place. I'm basically your god.
It's me.

Speaker 2 I'm back.

Speaker 2 Give me a, what do you want to call this? What are you trying to do to these guys? You're trying to provoke them? Fast talk or psychology? Give me a persuade role. No.

Speaker 2 They go back to fighting the P-51 Mustangs that are fucking, that are circle strafing and having ill effect. Sorry.
No, we got to get away.

Speaker 2 Yeah, I come back and I go, now we got to do the one thing that that we thought we had to do.

Speaker 2 Sorry, sorry, sorry. Hold on.
Will. The Mustangs are circle strafing.
Well, they're strafing around it in a circle. Yes, they're circle strafing.
The powers that be have fucking given

Speaker 2 the fucking U.S. military WASD technology.

Speaker 2 Then there's no way they're losing. There's no way they're losing.
You can interact with them, but if you want to get them to chase you, you're going to have to do something to provoke them.

Speaker 2 I'm going to get closer. But they do notice.
I'm going to get closer and go,

Speaker 2 you're just making noises. Yeah, I'm just coming at them going,

Speaker 2 grab their little cummy tails. I don't know if I'm going to get that close.
I'm just going to keep on

Speaker 2 getting closer to them until they reach out. I don't like that word, Freddy.

Speaker 3 I don't like the word cummy. I don't want to hear that.

Speaker 2 All right. Yes.
You are able to, by making enough noise and causing enough of a nuisance, get one of them pissed off enough to kind of deem you a threat, and it starts chasing after you.

Speaker 2 All right, I head back towards the boat. So you guys see like a single sky sperm chasing nothing through the air towards the sky.
Oh, I know that's not nothing. That's not by our boy Francis.

Speaker 2 That must be Francis Palingagro.

Speaker 3 In the survival kit, is there like a fishing pole or something?

Speaker 2 Yeah, there's a fishing pole. There's ropes.
There's got to be ropes there. They had sea anchors.
So there would be like maybe an anchor with a decent amount of rope on it, we'll say.

Speaker 3 I'm going to try to cast my fishing line at the sperm.

Speaker 2 Awesome. Can Kelsey join you in fishing? Yes.
Can we just be two gals fishing and talking about our feelings? I think we can, yes.

Speaker 2 Once his astral projection went away, did the sperm just go back into... Okay, here's what we'll say.
When Francis flies back into his body, he disappears and reappears and wakes up.

Speaker 2 And yes, he's able to relay all of this to you. And then you see this thing, which was following Francis, now notices the boat.
And it doesn't like attack outright, but it starts circling around.

Speaker 2 Like it's making a wide arc around the boat. He's trying to attack us.
Now he's the Assassin's Creed crow.

Speaker 2 And it's assessing whether you are a threat that needs to be dealt with. Freddy, when Francis describes everything to you, he also describes this light that's underwater.
Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh. Yes.

Speaker 3 Yes, Blake, you're raising your hand.

Speaker 2 Francis, you may have spent some time in the astral realm.

Speaker 2 you're not the only one.

Speaker 2 I visited my good butler Ambrister, and he told me. Any dead? Ah, you would think so, Francis, but apparently there are planes upon planes and realms beyond this one.

Speaker 2 I think you went to a different one than I did. Then I didn't see any dead people.
Well, whatever. Another rules.

Speaker 2 Francis, you said you saw a light. I did.
In the water. Yes.
And it was maybe like sinking. Yes.
Ah.

Speaker 2 Ambristor told me seek the sinking light. And at first I thought he misspoke.
and he said maybe meant the light above the sink in the bathroom somewhere. But now this makes more sense.

Speaker 2 The light is sinking, and my old good ghost butler friend told me we should go that way, as opposed to lassoing up some cum demons. I mean, it's up to you guys.
I did my part.

Speaker 3 Well, what if we lassoed this cum demon to get speedily to the moth map?

Speaker 2 If I squint, I think I can see. So what if we did both?

Speaker 2 What if we did both ideas? I just, I'm squinting and I can see the light from here. Oh, you can.
It's pretty far away.

Speaker 2 To Trudy's point, what I will say is that if you are only under Trudy's power, it will take you the afternoon and night to get there.

Speaker 2 Whereas if you are somehow able to go faster, you will be able to get there. Okay, team, we got this.
Show me the direction of the sinking light. South.
We turn the legs towards the sinking light.

Speaker 2 So we are heading towards the sinking light. Okay.
Trudy, let's go fishing.

Speaker 2 I can make us a threat. I take the spear from my back and I huck it at the...
No, no, no. So just like Jake's China Peach.
Yeah. You're going to go back to Astro Projection.

Speaker 2 You're going to taunt one of them. There's already the one that's falling.
Yeah, that's very good. What you'll do is you'll fly it towards us.

Speaker 2 And then as it gets close, we will fish it out of the sky. Yes.
And then, Blake, you need something to do, so you'll help tie it. I'm good to go.
Find some like rubber gloves or something.

Speaker 2 Because if I remember correctly, like they're acidic or whatever. We'll learn very quickly if the fishing line works against the...

Speaker 2 I'll do the thing you said. Wait a second, teach you around to something.

Speaker 2 Maybe, I don't know, you could like tie a rope to the spear spear that he's got and then fucking throw it and it'd be like a harpoon, just like in Moby Dick. Yeah, when you taught us Moby Dick, yeah.

Speaker 2 I always third graders, after we read James of the Giant Beach, we go straight to Sherman Melville's mobile deep end.

Speaker 3 But I was going to ask Timmy what your favorite book is. Is that your favorite book?

Speaker 2 I mean, this is pretty cool. It's no, you know, like Jack Kerouac and like, you know, Alan Ginsburg, Jesus, you know, Camus, you know, but Moby Dick's pretty good.

Speaker 2 Wow, I'm real books at all. I haven't read

Speaker 2 those.

Speaker 2 So, I mean, mean, yeah, figures. Figures, I mean, you know, you wouldn't be up to date on a lefty spear.
Is any of us?

Speaker 2 Because I can throw a spear to get their attention. I don't know if I can accurately hit it.
No, you're going to be

Speaker 2 wrapped in a dog race. You're going to make them come towards the boat.
Okay, so somebody else is taking Brunhilda from me. Me and Trudy.
Oh, that's going to be interesting. Why?

Speaker 2 This for women? No, because

Speaker 2 Brunhilda has a psychic connection with me. I don't know how she'll react to somebody else grabbing her.
What the fuck are you talking about?

Speaker 2 I bet you there's got to be like a harpoon gun or something in this raft.

Speaker 2 A harpoon gun? If it's a fucking military safety raft, harpoon gun? Is this like if your fucking submarine got blown up and then you fucking send the COVID

Speaker 2 sharks back? Military emergency raft. It's gotta have shit.
They got flares and shit. They definitely have flare.
There's a flare gun. I will say there's a flare gun.
You just say no.

Speaker 2 I was just asking. I don't think it was a crazy thing to suggest.
It's just like, okay, so there's not a harpoon gun. They did not expect you to do wailing while you were.

Speaker 2 There's no like knife or anything either. Is there a knife? Is there like a pick a button? There's a knife.
Yes. There's a butt.
And I did look this up.

Speaker 2 Another little piece, fun piece. It's a boat knife, which means that it's not sharp.
Oh, so they don't because you can't.

Speaker 3 It only cuts boats.

Speaker 3 Well, Timmy, another question for you. Do you play any sports?

Speaker 2 Do I what? Do you not know if I play sports?

Speaker 3 Well, yes, of course I know that you play the.

Speaker 2 You know, I thought we were making progress, mom, but I guess not. Dang.

Speaker 3 I know that you throw a mean baseball.

Speaker 2 I was like Little League because it's like fourth grade. Okay.

Speaker 2 I slapped him.

Speaker 2 I'm gonna slap Timmy. I mean,

Speaker 2 treat your mother.

Speaker 2 Ow. Speak to your mother with respect.
Ow, Trudy. Ow.
Ow.

Speaker 3 I'm trying to earn his respect.

Speaker 2 Respect must also be given from this party here.

Speaker 3 Well, no, he's going through a lot.

Speaker 2 That's not an excuse. I think it is.
Blake, I don't know if right now is the time you want to justify beating children. How many fishing poles are there? You're just mouthing off.

Speaker 2 There are two fishing poles. Blake can't stand when a child mouths off.
No one mouths off you, you, mister. Give me a break, pal.
My hand went one way. It can come back the same way again.

Speaker 2 You go ahead and do it. I will go ahead and do this, child.
Okay, everybody, we can do this, this part later.

Speaker 2 Blake, Trudy, fishing poles. Yes.
You two, nothing's going on between you two, more or less. I know you're mad about slapping, but you do it.
Timmy, you don't care about me. I don't care about you.

Speaker 2 We care about you. You're really one of the people I like on this post.

Speaker 2 You got to learn to act like it, mister.

Speaker 2 I'm talking about how you taught me Moby Dick. This is like my favorite book.
Look, kid, none of us like you. Just get used to that now.
Fine, whatever. I don't like it.

Speaker 2 Me and you are going to support them. This argument is fine.
It's good. We can have it.
But not right now. Let's focus on lassoing these humans from the sky.

Speaker 3 You taught my son Moby Dick when you knew I was homeschooling?

Speaker 2 I don't know. What he is saying.

Speaker 2 We promised

Speaker 2 Moby Dick. She'd been whispering it to him.

Speaker 2 You need to be reading Moby Dick out loud near your home, loud enough that people happen to overhear it and people accidentally.

Speaker 2 Kelsey needs to go to jail and accidentally learn how to live in prison.

Speaker 3 Well, I just want to be the first person to say thank you.

Speaker 2 Oh.

Speaker 3 Thank you for broadening the horizons of my son.

Speaker 2 You're welcome.

Speaker 2 Now let's go fishing. All right.
You and Milton have a lot more coming than I thought.

Speaker 2 What are we doing?

Speaker 2 I just met. There's a

Speaker 2 question mark, question mark, question mark between I have a fishing pole and I'm going to catch this thing. I am zooming.

Speaker 2 You zoom just over the boat, so it's not going to crash into it when it follows my astral projection, but it's close enough that then Kelsey and Trudy can try to cast their lines out.

Speaker 2 Or I guess one of you can throw the spear with a rope around it, and one of you can cast a line. We got two fishing poles.

Speaker 2 Those fishing poles have fish hooks on them. Yes.
Okay. We got one spear.
with a rope around it. And then Kelsey, that can give that to Blake.
He seems the most like vocal.

Speaker 2 Can I jump in? Is it Will or Timmy? Well, it's Brunhilde. Oh, okay.

Speaker 2 When you secure the rope, Francis, to Brunhilde, Brunhilde is like, Francis, so you're not going to be able to throw the rope because you're going to be flying around.

Speaker 2 So this is going to be a problem.

Speaker 2 But if you give me to someone else,

Speaker 2 you know this isn't really working out between us. But maybe it's a curse we give to someone else.
Does anybody want the Brunhilde curse? I can't. You give the rope to Wilde.

Speaker 2 You know what? Forget the spear. We don't need need the spear.
We don't need the spear. We can spear.

Speaker 2 Look, look, we got two fishing poles. I feel like maybe they'll get like an advantage when we roll.
And then I'll just use, we can just use fishing lines and I'll just tie.

Speaker 2 We'll can still put a fish hook on a fishing line without a fishing pole, right? Right? Right? I'm looking at you. Okay, we still got fish hooks.
There's fish hooks here. And the anchor.

Speaker 2 And we got rope. Yeah.
So we're just going to then

Speaker 2 lasso it. I'm just going to make little nooses and I'm going to try to catch them as they fly by.

Speaker 2 So the idea is that Francis flies one down, just like the earthworm and James of the Giant Peach that attracted the fucking crows.

Speaker 2 And then, right before it grabs the earthworm, James, the titular James, would jump out with the little noose.

Speaker 2 Jump out with the noose and grab one of the James would jump out of the titular peach. So, we got four chances.

Speaker 2 Each of us are going to try to capture one of these sperms as they fly back, and then we will tie it to the ship.

Speaker 3 And James, who played the giant peach,

Speaker 2 all right. We'll say that this is your afternoon action: doing sky fishing to catch a sperm to make your boat faster.
Yes. Sky fishing.
Wow, wow, wow.

Speaker 2 Give me another constitution roll, Francis, to see if you're able to fall asleep. I am.
Francis dose is incredible. He can just use like a survival mechanism.
19 out of 25. Oh, nice.

Speaker 2 So Francis falls back asleep once more. This thing is circling you, so you're going to go.

Speaker 2 I'm going to get up as close to it as I can, and I'm going to smack my spectral ass and go, get some of this, and then fly back towards the ship, the boat.

Speaker 2 Sufficiently provoked, the sky sperm gives chase to Francis, and you see it starting to plunge down and follow an arc in the pattern that you described as it now chases towards the boat it's essentially making a maverick pass and top gun right past the tower it's making a maverick flyby of your boat and so now everyone is throwing a line yeah i have a mug of coffee and it goes i'm like oh i want some butts

Speaker 2 trudy give me a dexterity roll Oh my god, 14.

Speaker 3 Whoa!

Speaker 2 Frick, yes.

Speaker 2 Your hook finds purchase in the fucking cummy hide of this sky sperm. Oh, no.
And it wriggles around as it snags onto it, and your line starts reeling up with.

Speaker 3 Oh, man, it's just like jaws.

Speaker 2 Yeah, but we're all throwing at the same time. Okay, so next, Blake, what are you chucking? I'm chucking a

Speaker 2 line.

Speaker 2 Okay, yes. Give me a deck tattoo.
We out here throwing rope. We're out here throwing ropes at throwing rope.

Speaker 3 Is that what the kids are saying now?

Speaker 2 Everybody, get ready, grip hard and throw rope. How you, Francis, you've done enough of that.

Speaker 2 That's why we're in these situations. We're in in this situation.
Oh, bro. Super duper success.
Six out of 75. Oh, God.

Speaker 2 If we had a dad, RPG system, straight up, recreational activity would just be good. Any recreational activity.
We've done a season of nothing but dads doing things. Yeah.

Speaker 2 So this thing has a fish hook in one side of its pus-filled maw, and then your fish hook sinks into the other side. And your line is also going

Speaker 2 and it's going like, and it's just spraying his mouth open. Grotesque.
Grotesque, dude.

Speaker 2 That'd be crazy. So it has so many teeth in there.
Trevor Burrus, crazy.

Speaker 2 Looks like Pagman.

Speaker 2 All right, big shooter. Oh, did we give a...
Big shooter. I love that name.
I love that.

Speaker 2 Did you guys give a line to fucking Timmy? Yeah. Timmy's going to use Will's time stop dice.
Yeah, because we all got, I said we got four shots at this.

Speaker 2 Esther, make sure to edit out all of this gasping and absolute awe at the moment that Will took out his time stop. Here we go.
Boop, boop. So much.

Speaker 2 Seven and a ten. That's a 70.
70. So he misses.

Speaker 2 And he was, wait, what was he throwing? Without a fishing pole.

Speaker 2 Throwing just like lasso. Oh, yeah.
So he goes, yeah, and it whiffs. And he just.
It's a noose and we use something in the boat for a weight, whatever options are. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah. And then me.

Speaker 2 Okay, yes, it's Kelsey's turn. I want to use decks because I got 60 decks.
20! Oh,

Speaker 2 well, we've been rolling hot. That's a super 20 grammar.

Speaker 2 The lasso's like a fucking cowboy

Speaker 2 fucking lobs this line over this flying crazy.

Speaker 2 It's great because the noose would like slide off because it's you know like tadpole shape, but because it's got the two strings, it like lashes the two strings together.

Speaker 2 So it's like literally made like a harness around this thing. Like all three strings to the marina.
All the finds purchase on this thing. Yee-haw! Yee-haw! The fucking sky spy.

Speaker 2 I should have come up with a spooky name. No, sky sperm is great.
Forsaken the game. The sky sperm is pretty fucking good.
So the sky sperm wriggles and writhes. It's freaking out.

Speaker 2 So it just guns it straight back towards the fucking skydick.

Speaker 2 It's blasting back through the air, taking you straight back towards the big phallus in the water okay francis you gotta make it chase you um i'm just gonna slap my ass some more and be like

Speaker 2 hey big boy why don't you get a piece of this action give me a disadvantaged persuade roll because this is a natural projection with two s's

Speaker 2 because this thing is terrified now and is going back for assistance from yeah cohort no okay okay we're going fast not the right section we're going faster than we were before that's one half of the problem actually wait right now did you rig the thing up to the boat yes we're all on the boat okay because they're tied down so you're not just holding up under the the thing So you can see the ball.

Speaker 2 But they got quick release knots because Blake would know knots. Yeah.
So they're sailing knots. They can pull ties.

Speaker 2 Yeah,

Speaker 2 it's funny if the mat saying Blake would know knots. It's right.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 Yeah, totally, dude. The military.
They teach you knots in the military.

Speaker 2 You know what they had before glue? Knots. Knots.

Speaker 2 Timmy rushes up to one of the lines, one of the two hooks, and pulls one of them hard.

Speaker 2 And the thing

Speaker 2 wins in pain and banks away the other way.

Speaker 3 What? Oh, it's like a rain on a horsey.

Speaker 2 Oh, yeah. A really violent rain on a horsey.
But it's a come flying demon. Oh my God, Timmy.
Great idea. You can control it.
Like a hang glass.

Speaker 2 Yeah, no, I mean, it's still, it's fighting me pretty hard. It's trying to turn back around.
We got to figure out some way to get it to run that way.

Speaker 2 We got to run it like a fucking, like a horse, like that other book you read out loud with the horses. I'm about to grab, yeah, the horse book.
The classic horse book. The book with the horses in it.

Speaker 2 Johnny Tremaine. Does that have a horse in it? All the pretty horses.

Speaker 2 Yeah, don't say say that. No, that was right.
That was after. That was after

Speaker 2 Roltah to Irv Elville straight to Corvik McCarthy. That's what I do for third grade.

Speaker 2 That's why those kids are

Speaker 2 fucking Black Beauty. Right.
Yeah. I'm about to reach to grab the other side, but then I look at Trudy and I'm like, oh, this could be a good.

Speaker 3 What do you want me to do? Oh, okay. Yes, I'm going to grab the other side.
Yes. Yes, it's just like Black Beauty.

Speaker 2 And what happens to Black Beauty? Well, you know, when they got to ride the horse. Yeah.
Why do all my kid characters wind up sounding this exact way?

Speaker 2 It's just normal oak just showing up on this boat. Yeah, mom, like, when he rides the horse, when the character that is the protagonist of Black Beauty rides the horse.

Speaker 3 I thought Black Beauty was the protagonist of Black Beauty.

Speaker 2 I don't think so.

Speaker 2 It's an autobiography written from the horse as a main character's perspective. Yeah, it's a long story.

Speaker 2 What is she talking about?

Speaker 3 Wait, shut up because I, and when I was watching the movie as a kid, it's from the horse's perspective.

Speaker 2 I swear to God. Mom, I'm agreeing with you.
It's an autobiography written by the horse.

Speaker 2 Your son's wrong. Look, mom, I didn't read the book.
Oh, my God.

Speaker 2 He's going to blow it on my spot.

Speaker 2 I was dropping books into the mail spot.

Speaker 2 Does he seriously never even read them?

Speaker 3 Well, that's okay. We can read it when we get back.

Speaker 2 I don't really want to read it. I'm not into horses.
But this is from the perspective of a horse.

Speaker 2 Well, if you read it, you might have a little bit more epiphany. Why are you making me want to read it more? I don't even care what a horse looks like, much less what it thinks.

Speaker 2 I guess it's okay, but you're not going to be able to do it. You just lost the one person on this boat who cared about you.

Speaker 3 We've never been a horse before.

Speaker 2 Isn't that interesting?

Speaker 2 Oh my god, mom, you're right. You're right.
We've never been a horse before.

Speaker 3 Wait, yes, we have to imagine we are the sky sperm. We have to put ourselves in the horse autobiography of the sky sperm and know what direction to choose.

Speaker 2 Give me an intelligence role with advantage for this epiphany.

Speaker 3 I got a 76, which is normally bad, but I have an intelligence of 80.

Speaker 2 Wow. Okay, so then as you are saying this, you go into your mind palace and visualize the life of a sky sperm.
You write in your head the autobiography of this fucking thing. Yeah.

Speaker 2 And you realize that it has a rudimentary intelligence. Egg, egg, egg, egg, egg, egg, egg, egg, egg.
Gotta get that egg. Oh, yeah.

Speaker 2 So, yes, you realize it must have three things that it is motivated by. One is egg.
Two is return home if danger. And three is thank God sperm doesn't work that way.

Speaker 2 Oh, fuck. It's like it follows about all the sperm you've ever mastered.

Speaker 2 Holy shit.

Speaker 2 I just get on a plane. I get on a plane and go across the Pacific.
The shot from the shining with the elevator doors open. No.

Speaker 2 No. You realize you.
You're with us. Wait, what's the third?

Speaker 2 So the third thing is that, yes, you realize that it also, like, if you are able to cause it enough distress, that will override its other priorities. Like, if you're able to scare it.

Speaker 2 Or pull it really hard with hooks.

Speaker 3 So, you're telling me that these sky sperms, like eggs, want to be home and are sensitive?

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 3 I've already written that autobiography.

Speaker 3 I'm living that life every day.

Speaker 2 It's just like a horse, like Wells Farken when they crack the door on the horse.

Speaker 2 Now we're going to get all this moralizing about we're being cruel to the sky sperm as we pull its hooks left and right. Oh, what terrible things these humans are.

Speaker 2 Oh, first they drug bowlers, and now they're pulling the sky sperm's hook. Yeah, we fucking pull its hooks.
We fucking give it physical distress so we can fly to make our lives more convenient.

Speaker 3 We have to break the spirit of the sky sperm.

Speaker 2 Fuck it.

Speaker 2 All right, so yes, you are now dealing with a sky sperm that is desperately trying to turn back around to go to where it's trying to go as you're holding it steady, but it's stalling your forward progress.

Speaker 2 When Timmy pulled it, it's like them pulling left and right on the strings. Is that causing us to control it? Yes, but it's like I'm trying to think.
Imagine it's like hard. It's like a wild horse.

Speaker 2 yeah sure it's like difficult it's still trying to go the way you don't want to go oh yes you are able to a certain degree it's fighting your control though and then can i roll natural world to get a sense of how fast we are going now like how much faster did this thing make us go it probably doubled your speed probably more than doubled your speed more than double i need precision here

Speaker 2 matt i don't know i don't want to know if we can get to america in less than a day or not that's all i'm asking okay you were at 80 hours is that what you're saying yeah and again you don't know the endurance of this thing or how far it can even survive away from its thing.

Speaker 2 Fair enough. You were going 20 miles an hour before.
You're going 40 miles an hour now. Okay, that's fine.
So we're going towards the light. You're not going towards the light.

Speaker 2 And what we're going to fight. Yes, you're fighting roll rest.

Speaker 2 You're going in circles, basically.

Speaker 2 We're going to roll dice to see if it gets a source of light now.

Speaker 3 What do you guys want to do? I'm going to break the spirit of the sky sperm. So I'm going to pull hard on the lines, bringing it closer to me.
And with my robot hands, I touch it.

Speaker 2 And I'm like, whoa, whoa,

Speaker 2 yeah

Speaker 2 I'm like steady steady girl whoa whoa that feels like something you get whispered to like by like an angel at night it's like break the spirit this guy sperm and you wake up

Speaker 3 what does that mean she just never had anybody that respected her before oh talk to her on her same level she ain't dangerous

Speaker 2 she's just spirited my sperm doesn't need to be on a leash method i honestly believe that if you had a glass of water and two hours, you could do an entire one of those movies just start to finish.

Speaker 2 Absolutely good. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Dude, Embic this is a freestyle Beth horse movie. Freestyle Beth horse movie.

Speaker 2 Only brilliantly she can't stop talking.

Speaker 3 Yep. So she ain't been the same since the accident, but you give her time.
She don't need to be the same.

Speaker 2 Is Trudy talking about the horse or is she talking about her son?

Speaker 2 Dude, we have all four of you are pulling in unison. You don't need a strength roll to bring this thing in closer.

Speaker 2 Do all four of us need to go, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, hey, whoa, whoa, whoa.

Speaker 2 I mean, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. That's up to you.
What do you guys think? I want to follow what Trudy's doing. Oh, hey, hey.

Speaker 2 You're cool. You're big sperm.

Speaker 3 Kelsey, you need to be confident with the...

Speaker 2 Yes.

Speaker 3 You need to show the Sky Sperm that you're in control and that you know what's best.

Speaker 2 Sky Sperm, we're going to that light, and you're going to take us there.

Speaker 3 Is that how it works? Perfect, Kelsey.

Speaker 2 All right, Francis, you talk to the sperm now. You want some of this?

Speaker 2 Ah, yes, good cop, bad cop.

Speaker 2 Listen here, you little shit.

Speaker 2 Who's trying to soothe the savage art of the beast right now? All of us, if it helps the role.

Speaker 2 All this is going to make us get to the light one turn faster, right? Psychology.

Speaker 2 Psychology, yeah.

Speaker 2 We only got six turns. Psychology I'm great at.
I can hear that. Hey, hey, turn economy is very boring in a board game where you only got a few turns.
We got

Speaker 2 the world's about to end. Yeah.
Econ, dude, huge. It's a whole turn.
One second.

Speaker 2 Whole turn. Did you say psychology? We're gonna say this is disadvantaged psychology because it is 59 out of 80.
Yeah, dog. What about you, Trudy? All right, we're doing psychology.

Speaker 3 My psychology is 42. Let's see.
The first role is a two, so we're doing really, really, really well. Okay, and then the second role is a 43.
Shut the fuck up. It's one more.

Speaker 3 Okay, I'm gonna spend a luck.

Speaker 2 Am I rolling psychology disadvantage? Yes, anyone that wants to be part of the I have 40 psychology. 37 is my first one.
A one! That's 17. Blake seeing the success of everyone.
Normal success.

Speaker 2 Abstain. No, no, no, no, no.
Sorry, it's still 37 is a disadvantage. So 37, normal success.
Blake abstains from rolling. So what were each of you doing?

Speaker 3 I look at in its big white eye and I send my humanity chakra to its main of this is how this is how the horse whisperers do it.

Speaker 2 Yes.

Speaker 3 I have a steady but kind hand on the sperm's back.

Speaker 2 Okay. And I begin to gently stroke.
We did say that it does do acid damage, so give me one deep four acid damage while you do it.

Speaker 3 But I have a robot hand. I was able to get Mothman out of that big thing, and I barely was fine.

Speaker 2 I mean, you did almost die, dude.

Speaker 2 Truly, truly, don't touch the thing.

Speaker 2 Here are some gloves.

Speaker 3 Well, I won't touch it then. I will use simply my strong gaze.

Speaker 2 Yeah, do the crisp

Speaker 2 world thing. Yes.
So you gaze deeply into its soul. Yes.
Okay.

Speaker 3 And I know that it's been hurt in the past. And I can't promise it won't be hurt in the future.
But right now, it's the present. And that's a gift that you give to yourself.

Speaker 2 Jesus fucking Christ. Give me a sanity roll for gazing deep into the eye of this non-Euclidean Eldritch monster.
Okay.

Speaker 3 I rolled a nine.

Speaker 2 You rolled a nine? Yes. All right.
So yes, as you stare into this thing, you are able to see horrors and wonders beyond your imagination, yet you're able to establish a connection.

Speaker 2 You do kind of understand this weird thing. And it seems to understand you.
And so it does trust you. It starts to trust you.
And if you looked around, you notice that your son's pretty impressed too.

Speaker 2 He seems like, oh, this is kind of cool.

Speaker 2 Kelsey, knowing actually the psychology of children and simple creatures.

Speaker 2 Yeah, yeah. Confidently just pretends it's not even talking to it and just going, yee-haw, I love eggs and I know there's eggs down in that light.
Can't wait to get me some eggs.

Speaker 2 Can't wait to find eggs. Okay.
Come on, get to that line and find eggs. And I already rolled good, so I know it worked, so I don't know why we're doing this.

Speaker 2 I would just just fucking paint a picture for me. That's what I think.
And then, Francis, what are you doing?

Speaker 2 I know the sperm wants to go for something appetizing, so I smack my cake ass a couple times. They go, Come here, get it, big boy.

Speaker 2 Okay, you've made a temporary ally out of the flying sky sperm.

Speaker 2 It will now follow you, Francis, where you lead, especially once it realizes that you are leading it towards this thing that it thinks eggs are inside of.

Speaker 2 Yes, you take off like a shot towards Mothman's sinking ship.

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Speaker 2 In blazing record speed, you're able to approach Mothman's ship as it slowly sinks into the water. It's like a good two, three feet under the surface right now.
Oh.

Speaker 2 But like you see bubbles kind of emerging. The goo that's sort of floating it under the water seems to be slowly dissolving.
While we're here, team. Sounds like Blake's first job is to go in.

Speaker 2 And then when you turn around, Blake is already stripped off and he's like shirtless and fucking buff and his rippling.

Speaker 2 There's a diving suit right there. And I'm wearing a diving suit.
There's no diving suit. I'm like, don't joking.

Speaker 2 And I go, hoop. Wait, tie a rope to your leg.
Yes, I just said hup, Kelsey. He didn't jump.
I didn't jump. I was just...
That's me prepping my lungs for holding breath.

Speaker 2 Yeah, let's just tie it so that if you're drowning or you need, you get lost in the ship, like we should be able to pull you back. And I tie the right knot around my waist and I go, hup.

Speaker 2 And you dive in? No, then I dive in.

Speaker 2 Got him. Hate you so much.
What is your swim skill? 20, dude. Fucking terrible.
Well, say it's a regular role. Oh, you know what?

Speaker 2 Before I even go in, I put on my fucking life vest and shit. There's definitely life vests in the

Speaker 2 body. That means you can't swear.

Speaker 2 It's underwater, right? Yeah, but I'm okay. I'm going to get in the water and I'm not going to bring a flotation device.
We will have a fucking idiot.

Speaker 2 How would you swim?

Speaker 2 I will. Once I get over, I can put my head underwater, can I? So you want your flotation device to sort of float in?

Speaker 2 Let him do what he's doing. Just watch Blake float out with his life vest.

Speaker 2 You're now directly above. Yeah, there's like you see the big hole that got torn through the ship is right beneath you.
Ah, the briny deep. I look down.

Speaker 2 It is here. Mothman's ship is here.
I don't know. Yeah, we know.

Speaker 2 If you can't swim, that's okay. You can tell us.
I don't.

Speaker 2 I don't know what the

Speaker 2 looking.

Speaker 2 You know what? Just pull him in. Just pull him in.

Speaker 2 Let me pull them in. Let me pull him in.

Speaker 2 I pull him in. I pull it hard.
Blake, Blake.

Speaker 2 I jump in like fucking Sam Wise camera.

Speaker 2 What is your swim skill, Matt? 20.

Speaker 2 I didn't put on a life ass.

Speaker 2 Like drowning with a life vest. How great would it be if we spent a whole episode trying to stop you from dying from falling from a plane and we all drown this episode?

Speaker 2 Everybody, everybody? All right, hold on. I'm rolling an E4.
I'm rolling an E3.

Speaker 2 The wait.

Speaker 2 Grab the ball. I'm looking at the way.

Speaker 2 I want to reach out to try and grab your life boat. Okay, okay.
We're going to. I'm just going to paddle there.
Just grab the boat. Don't grab me.
Grab the boat.

Speaker 2 You're only holding out. Grab the boat.
Reach out and grab him. I'm holding on the paddle.
Grab the paddle. There's a lot of...

Speaker 2 Kills me. Do you let go of me?

Speaker 2 Just grab the fucking paddle. Kills and let go of me, Kilsey.

Speaker 3 You know, they call it drowning the silent killer.

Speaker 2 All right, we drive the boat. All right, we cut to an hour later.
The two of you are soaking, wet, exhausted on the fucking deck of the boat. Don't ever do that for me again.

Speaker 2 I thought we had lost you. I thought I lost myself again.
It was awful. Team, on my important fact-finding mission, I have confirmed we are exactly over Mothman's ship.
Who wants to dive?

Speaker 2 Why are you at swimming?

Speaker 2 I mean, you know, I was captain of the swim team, so you guys weren't. Well, you were.
I mean, you were. Yes.

Speaker 2 Yeah. Get your ass in there, child.
I noticed they didn't jump in a dress.

Speaker 2 Hey, look, the first thing they teach you is you got to be careful in those kind of situations. Don't go in unless you have an exit plan.
And I didn't have an exit plan. There's a boat right here.

Speaker 2 You're riding in it, you insolent child. I assume none of you, all of you, have a 20 for a swimming title.
That's the default swimming skill. No one thought to put anything in swimming.

Speaker 2 It's the 1950s. I've played Deus Axe.
I know that's a fucking bullshit, Sax.

Speaker 2 Okay, let's wrap a little rope around you.

Speaker 2 Tell us what's out there. Tell us if you don't want to fly that ship.

Speaker 2 Get out there.

Speaker 3 Timmy, what's your favorite stroke?

Speaker 2 Timmy, having been on the swim team and master of the backstroke, his favorite. Backstroke.
Yeah, I don't think backstroke's going to do me much good here.

Speaker 3 It's more like I don't know. I don't know.
It would keep your head above water.

Speaker 2 I wasn't on the synchronized swimming team. Those guys go underwater.
My kind of swimming, you know, we're going across the water real fast. Well, today's a learning experience.
Fucking go down.

Speaker 2 All right. Okay.

Speaker 2 And Timmy dives into the water. When he's out of your chimney, your full sun fucking sucks.

Speaker 3 I think Trudy slaps Francis again

Speaker 2 so uh he did he rolled very well also did very well on his constitution roll after a couple of minutes though you see i guess just the rope moving around and the sky sperm is like a couple of minutes that's really intense lazily uh

Speaker 2 lazily circling above you he emerges from the water

Speaker 2 come on up

Speaker 2 okay uh There's a lot of wrecked junk down there.

Speaker 2 I don't think that thing's flying anytime soon, but I did find this it seemed to be what the light was coming from and he slams this book down on the desk

Speaker 2 and it is

Speaker 2 it sort of has a mysterious ethereal glow on it and always a good sign when it comes to tomes oh my gosh

Speaker 2 try not to plagiarist rise this one oh frankly

Speaker 2 wow it's called the book of ibon

Speaker 2 and uh it's like this old how's that spelled e-i-b-o-n-b

Speaker 2 Anthony, can I tell you that literally in my head, I'm like, Ibon backwards is noob.

Speaker 2 I was going to say that as I typed Ibon, the Google autofill instantly went to soul eater.

Speaker 2 You find a book called The Book of Ibon. And despite the fact that this thing has been submerged underwater for a very long time, or at least for a good chunk of time now, it seems to be dry.

Speaker 2 This energy emanating off of it seems to have been preserved. It's like

Speaker 3 restraining in Titanic.

Speaker 2 Kelsey, do you read read on the beach and never worry about

Speaker 2 how this technology works. How are you reading books on the beach?

Speaker 2 What happens? There's water. Tides go.
You get lost in a book. You get lost in a book.
You're getting fucking close to the boat beach.

Speaker 2 If you get lost in a book, and you can lose track of the tides, okay?

Speaker 2 Right up there. Francis, really, the problem mostly is that Kelsey seems to set up underneath the high tide line.
Apparently. Jimmy puts the book down.
He says, Yeah, I just be careful with it.

Speaker 2 Like the second I touched it, I got this weird headache and I just felt like I heard voices. It's just, I don't know, something wrong with that.
I mean, it's glowing. So, yeah.

Speaker 2 Francis is going to grab the paddle and use that to like

Speaker 2 open the fucking cover. Okay.
Okay. I think it's less the touching than opening is usually the problem in those things.
Well, don't look.

Speaker 3 Judy helps Timmy back on board. Thanks, mom.

Speaker 2 Do we got any of those rations left? No.

Speaker 2 Kelsey.

Speaker 2 You were getting too strong. I bet for now.
I mean, like, by definition, the rations, we don't just have them willy-daily. I'm saying for this book.

Speaker 2 Timmy's rolling in psychology to see if kelsey lied and is eating all the rations it was golem

Speaker 2 i didn't take rations i was just being a dick you're gonna have a ration you did a good job for us thank you thanks and he drugs a little fucking bottle of fresh water and uh he has a little snack nutrition wafer a little one of those and no they're these little hard candies it was cool it was like little charms candies francis flipped the first page open yes it's written in english it seems to be from like the 15th century, and it is this strange ramblings of an ancient sorcerer.

Speaker 2 It's like his journal. An ancient sorcerer spoke English.
They ancient, like a 15th century, like a court physician in the Renaissance who was obsessed with the occult.

Speaker 2 All you've opened is the first page. So you see the first page.
I see this table of contents.

Speaker 2 It says, Dear diary, I am a court physician in the 15th century, and I sure do like obscure occult practices and rituals. I sure hope I learn some spells.
If I learn any, I'll write them down in here.

Speaker 2 Oh, do you?

Speaker 3 An optimist, at least. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Okay. Next page.
Should we, while we read the book, at least continue to head towards America?

Speaker 2 I don't see a harm there. Yeah, rather than just sitting here.
Unless, do we think we're done with a ship? Is the ship... Yeah.
Is the ship grayed out on the map?

Speaker 2 Well, the light went off, so

Speaker 2 you did find the source of the sinking light that

Speaker 2 Amber Sturge spoke of in prophecy. Does the ship maybe like, you know, continue to sink and

Speaker 2 purple purple up and then sink sink really far, letting the player down

Speaker 2 the environment is no longer there? No, it's still there. In fact, if there were other cool Mothman stuff you wanted to get, now would be the fun time.

Speaker 3 Maybe I should go down there and see if there's anything that we could remember Mothman by.

Speaker 2 Well, actually, I also got this for you, mom. And he pulls out a little teacup that was down there.
Oh, okay. He's like, I don't know.
I just thought you might want something to remember him by.

Speaker 2 I don't know what this was or what the deal was, but you know, it seemed like you might like it. I knew you drink tea and stuff like that.
So here you go. Thank you.

Speaker 3 If I'm remembering this correctly, this is the teacup that he gave me water from when he was.

Speaker 2 Oh, sure, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. We'll say it's when you first woke up in his

Speaker 2 late

Speaker 2 room.

Speaker 2 Yes. Don't call it that.
And the handle

Speaker 2 is a little moth. And the handle's a little moth wing.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 When he was trying to understand humanity, he's like, why did they make a cup with my wing on it? So, yeah, Timmy gives that to you.

Speaker 3 Thank you, sweetie. This is, oh, this is.

Speaker 2 Yeah, well, let's not make it weird, mom. Let's not, you know, let's not do anything.

Speaker 2 You know, it's just, you know i saw it it seemed like it might be nice it seemed like it might be nice and i you know i'm very very proud of you but who cares right who cares about that

Speaker 2 gross okay yes gross gross you know and then he like lights up a cigarette and like taps the ash into it so you can use it as like an ashtray or whatever you want anyway he sort of scoots over to the other side of the boat how old is he again uh old enough to smoke he's he's francis' age maybe a little older like 15 16.

Speaker 3 oh i thought he was younger well how old is he I thought canonically he was like 10, but I thought he was like 10.

Speaker 2 I was going to say this 10-year-old is bunching above his weight. Oh,

Speaker 2 right

Speaker 2 let's just say 12 12 okay he's his feet in the middle yeah he's 12 he's a holding caulfie kind of yes he's a holding caulfieldes 12 year old kelsey sits down and opens the book like the way she sits down and opens the book like instinctually without being able to control themselves francis and timmy already sit down for story time like it's just as the teacher sits down and holds that book a certain way chris causes yeah they just sit down and i go okay everybody let's just Let's story time, all right?

Speaker 2 And I want to read.

Speaker 2 You're going to read the book of Ibon to everyone in the show.

Speaker 2 Like showing us the pictures and shit.

Speaker 2 This is going to be, yes, your evening action. We'll be reading the book of Ibon.
And can I do something?

Speaker 2 For a sec, like, like a good parent reading a book, Kelsey can see the words before she says them out loud.

Speaker 2 And sometimes, well, you know this as we read some older kids' books, sometimes you see a word that's not used today anymore, for example, and then you shift it.

Speaker 2 You know, you're reading a roll doll book or something like that. Don't you say this?

Speaker 2 So if there's going to be any sort of like, obviously if there's something that's unknowingly, but like if there's something that clearly is going to cause like psychic psychic damage or something, or like something that I think I shouldn't read, like I will take the hit first.

Speaker 2 Okay, so you're going to self-edit anything. I'm going to self-edit stuff that I think may hurt the team, though I'm reading it out loud.
Okay. You know, so you wind up reading.

Speaker 2 You're trying to tank the slurs.

Speaker 2 You're going to be skipping most of this book if you do that, just so you know. Okay.

Speaker 2 What was this book? You're trying to shield them from having to take a sanity roll is what you're trying to do. I mean, as best I can.

Speaker 2 Since I'm seeing the words and then I'm saying them out loud, if seeing the words would cause me to go crazy, it would naturally happen before. It would happen before I say them out loud, is my point.

Speaker 2 Reading the book itself, it's not like you read like one spooky word and it's like you read the word non-Euclidean and you go, ah, like it's over the course of reading the book, it has a deleterious effect.

Speaker 2 I don't know.

Speaker 3 I read the word unalive and I go,

Speaker 2 no, that's good to know. I mean, yeah, because like, you know, in Warhammer, sometimes a single word will just,

Speaker 2 yes, okay, that's fine. Or spell like an Army of Darkness.
Plateau variety.

Speaker 2 So I read the book. Okay.
The first word is spooky. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Everybody give me 2d4 sanity loss. 2d4?

Speaker 2 Sorry, not to keep going. But we also are flying.
We're heading towards America. Yes, you are steering.
40 miles per hour because he's 40 miles per hour.

Speaker 2 So at the end of that, that'll be eight hours and one-third of the day. We'll say how much closer we are to America.

Speaker 3 Klaus Bedell really gave us everything with the Pirates of the Caribbean soundtrack that you were humming there.

Speaker 2 I took five sanity damage, dude. I'm down to 66.
I lost seven sanity. I'm down to 56.

Speaker 3 I lost four sanity. I'm at 42.

Speaker 2 That's bad.

Speaker 2 I lost five sanity.

Speaker 2 If an investigator loses five or more sanity points from a single source of sanity, he lost sufficient emotional trauma has been suffered that the keeper must test the investigator's sanity.

Speaker 2 Okay, so everybody other than Beth. Timmy also lost five.
So everybody give me an intelligence role. I unfortunately super duper succeeded.
Okay. I failed the intelligence role.

Speaker 2 I super duper succeeded also. Okay.

Speaker 2 We're locked in. Timmy failed.
So Trudy, Timmy, and Blake are all okay. What a delightful book.
As you get to the end.

Speaker 2 Francis, you always read over my shoulder. I'm just so invested in the story.
I want to get there before you do. Abon, is he going to get that soul he wants to eat or not?

Speaker 2 He's a real unreliable narrator. The following things happened.
First of all, Francis, as you have failed to fail your sanity roll, you are going to gain a phobia. So can you roll a 1D hundred for me?

Speaker 2 You know what? Hell yeah.

Speaker 2 I will take it as a compliment that Kelsey and one of the students that Kelsey taught were the two people.

Speaker 2 so moved by her reading 43. Do you want a phobia or a mania?

Speaker 3 Mania is fond of it.

Speaker 2 It's going to be stupid no matter what, the way I play it, so it doesn't matter. Is that what they ask you when you go to the

Speaker 2 mania?

Speaker 3 That's what they ask you every time you check in.

Speaker 2 You now have hamartophobia, which is a fear of sinning. Whoa.
Francis already had for how long or like permanently? I think we're saying, because I made Blake's permanent. Okay.

Speaker 2 So now, yes, when you do something that you feel is a sin, you're going to have to to make some sort of role to deal with that. Okay.

Speaker 2 Francis is the bad roller every day.

Speaker 2 Every day you're going to have to make a roll. That's what they call it from that.

Speaker 2 Why did she have to bite that apple?

Speaker 2 You're going to start voting Republican. Yeah.

Speaker 2 As Kelsey is reading through this grim work to you, it just feels wrong what's happening right now.

Speaker 2 And you feel that you're going to be punished for partaking once again in something that is just goes against God and goes against creation and everything good and holy in the universe.

Speaker 2 And it creeps its way into your psyche where you feel like in order to atone for that, you can never sin again. I fucked up.
I really shouldn't have jerked off. I really, really, really should have.

Speaker 2 This is too much.

Speaker 2 I mean, I mean, I will think of it in order. Like in reverse order.
I don't think of it in order. We're going to deal with what happens to Kelsey last.
Oh, okay. But upshot.

Speaker 2 Everyone else gains the following spells from you as you are, as Kelsey is describing this strange book and its strange ways to you.

Speaker 2 Each one of you, the words of a different part of it resonate with you and you sort of like understand a bit of arcane knowledge and power now. So you guys get the following spells.

Speaker 2 Francis, you gain the spell Mind Exchange. Okay.
So I'm going to write this down

Speaker 2 as well. You use social media now.

Speaker 2 It's like your brain is on Twitter. Imagine now that your brain is hooked up to Instagram.
Mind exchange allows the caster to trade minds with another individual.

Speaker 2 The target must know the spell caster and love or strongly favor him. If If that affection is somehow lost, the exchange can no longer occur.

Speaker 2 Blake? Yes. You gained the spell.
Finger guns. Remember, right right now.
You're scared of guns. I know.
What the curse? Finger swords. You gained the spell body warping of Goragoth.

Speaker 2 Body warping of Goragoth.

Speaker 2 Yo, see, the part where you talked about bodies warping really spoke to me. Body warping of Gorgoth allows the caster to change his or her physical form.
Oh, my God.

Speaker 2 The sorcerer can change to any shape and appearance, though retaining personal abilities. The form is fleshy, but it can appear to be made of stone, wood, a rug, etc.

Speaker 2 So you got some body morphing powers. Prop Hunter?

Speaker 2 Trudy, you gain the spell mental suggestion. The caster can command any being with human blood in its veins.
A single target who is visible to the unaided eyes of the sorcerer is affected.

Speaker 2 The victim carries out all that is commanded by the caster, even to self-destruction.

Speaker 2 Nice. That one's really useful.
That's fucking powerful. She has yours, but she doesn't have to love the

Speaker 2 you literally switch bodies. Yeah, because we got to teleport somewhere and somebody's there.
Yeah, if we can freaky Friday our way out of his situation, I guess I'm good.

Speaker 2 Timmy gets the spell gate creation. Gatekeeper.

Speaker 2 He's starting spreading somebody.

Speaker 2 You're going to fucking like this a lot more when I explain what it does.

Speaker 2 Gate spells allow the caster to create doorways between other lands or times, dimensions, or world, using allowing a user to travel great distances with a simple step. Subreddits, if you will.

Speaker 2 We got to make a second hole for that dick to go into.

Speaker 3 What's the second word you gave?

Speaker 2 It was for us to teleport back to Peachy. It's just underneath.
That makes more sense. I guess you could.

Speaker 2 In a perfect world, if we killed the dick, they wouldn't need to call Zoozell and we would save the world. That is the third option.
The third way is to kill the dick.

Speaker 2 I mean, if it can go backward in time. Kelsey, we'll start with the good news.
Yay. You learn the spell words of power.
Rack plus. Rack plus.
Double rack. Rack max.
Nope, it's back to rack now.

Speaker 2 You learn the spell words of power. The caster creates an intense bond with a large group of listeners.

Speaker 2 The caster just like a podcaster, just like a DM. The caster creates an intense bond with a large group of listeners.
The caster must be

Speaker 2 extemporaneously and seemingly from the heart, maintaining the audience's attention.

Speaker 2 So, yes, you can speak with power and convince a large group of people to do something with someone convinced them, or they just are distracted listening to me at the end of a successful speech.

Speaker 2 The audience thoroughly believes what has been said for 1D three days. Nice.
You're officially a gaslight girl boss now yeah

Speaker 2 but but but as we've established what manner of woman holds this power how has she changed as we've established when kelsey goes temporarily insane yes she transports and body swaps with another kelsey of the many infinite her kelseys that exist throughout space and times i'm fucking riding a t-rex with a laser sword uh not quite so kelse way more useful as you get to the end of the book and again the staggering significance of these words you've just spoke sort of shakes your already shaken, fragile mind.

Speaker 2 There's a question mark after the end.

Speaker 2 That's a question mark. Holy shit.
It says the end, Kelsey. Kelsey, and then you drop the book.
And when you look up, you are. It's still dry.
Huh? Sorry, the book's waterproof.

Speaker 2 We said, so I'm just saying it's still dry. You drop the book, it lands.
But when you look up, you're in what seems like a stone cathedral, like vaulted ceilings.

Speaker 2 You hear like sort of ominous chanting and choral music a lot a lot of halo soundtrack kind of stuff going on

Speaker 2 and you're in robes you're in like a sort of ceremonial vestments

Speaker 2 and you're being led by two

Speaker 2 ceremonial guards okay

Speaker 2 i'm gonna slow down a little bit just see how far they can move away from me

Speaker 2 always the first step

Speaker 2 these fucking dudes go to lecture chair they never realize the fucking hack

Speaker 2 slowly move just slow down a little bit. Um, the two guards wearing this kind of like golden armor, they kind of clang to a stop, and one of them, you know, turns back to you and says, High priestess.

Speaker 2 Yes, it is time to speak the truth, it is time to speak the prophecy. I know,

Speaker 2 yeah, okay, yeah, dude. I mean, yeah, leave me.
All right, is everything all right? Yeah, why are you asking? Just keep going forward. I got a big speech ahead of me, so let me focus.
Damn, dude.

Speaker 2 All right, so he turns sort of. He's looking around frantically like,

Speaker 2 shit. Oh, really quick.

Speaker 2 Do not question the high priestess. The other guards.
Yeah, you, my favorite one. What do you think I'm going to say?

Speaker 2 I would never even dare to think such a thought as to speculate the words that the speaker of Zuzel would say.

Speaker 2 That was a test you passed. Thank you.
Oh, my God.

Speaker 2 Just go back to your room and sleep for 12 hours. Yeah, know what? Know what? You take the day off.
You're a good one. Take a day off.

Speaker 2 Very well. Thank you.

Speaker 2 Thank you, High Priestess. Okay, following the other one.
And walks off. And the other guy's like, fucking, my job sucks.

Speaker 2 The other one marches up and opens this door. And on the other side, you can kind of steps going down.

Speaker 2 And then you see before you a massive throng of dirty, desperate people in a ruined Nebraska wasteland.

Speaker 2 Hugging you too.

Speaker 2 That's right. If you're from Nebraska, I don't know anything about your state, so I just say shit like that.

Speaker 2 You see a cracked sky and blighted lands, and you see what you would recognize as anywhere is that you're in some sort of strange cathedral that's that's built at the center of Peachyville.

Speaker 2 But it's not your Peachyville. It's some horrible other Peachyville where something tremendously awful has happened.
This looks like Apricot Town. And you...

Speaker 3 Forget it, Jake.

Speaker 2 It's Apricot Town.

Speaker 2 You hear screaming and cheering. It's half rage, half ecstasy as these people below who are being pushed back by this throng of guards at the bottom of these steps.
You step out onto this.

Speaker 2 I'm not stepping out. I lean into the guys.
He's like, all right, you know, you're the opener. Go hype them up.

Speaker 2 Get them ready for me very well do your type five do your type five and the guard steps forward okay i'm i just close the door mostly and i just kind of peek through the crack to see what's gonna happen when he starts talking raises his hands and the crowd falls silent and he says behold she who speaks for our leader our ruler our god mighty zuzel and the crowd goes

Speaker 2 he looks like hermit the frog ass crowd

Speaker 2 you got like four more minutes.

Speaker 2 Keep your

Speaker 2 stretching motion.

Speaker 2 You're doing great.

Speaker 2 Kelsey's looking around. Do I see anything around me? See, are you just hiding in the doorway? Yeah, yeah.
But first, a message from our sponsor. But first, the guy is now panicking.

Speaker 2 He says, but first, a reading from the book of events.

Speaker 2 In the beginning, there was Zuzel. This is useful.
Okay. Zuzel, the godslayer, who battled the gods

Speaker 2 to avenge his mother. Okay, while he's talking, I'm going to kind of look around.
I'm going to go like, oh, Zuzel? I'm going to call out for Zuzel to see if he's here.

Speaker 2 Your voice echoes sort of cavernous in this room, and you realize that this is like you're at a very Zuzel-pilled cathedral right now.

Speaker 2 It's serving Zuzel. You hear a voice emanating from this painting on the wall, like very Ghostbusters 2.

Speaker 2 Nice, love it.

Speaker 2 And you hear the voice says, come closer, my love. Oh, hi.
Hi, Zuzel. Come closer.
Okay.

Speaker 2 As you start walking across the room, you see that guard you dismissed in the corner.

Speaker 2 He's hiding behind a pillar. And he looks at you.
He shakes his head and motions for you to come towards him. Oh.

Speaker 2 One minute, my love. And I'm going to walk over to the guard.
I hate seeing you go, Kelsey.

Speaker 2 But I love watching you leave. I give him a little show as I walk to the guard.

Speaker 2 You step up to this other guard. Yeah.
So he takes off his. I stay out of knife range, though.
You stay out of knife range. Stay right.

Speaker 2 Come here. I got a break.
If you want to hide behind this pillar and talk to this guy, you're going to have to get in within knife range. Let people in, man.
Okay.

Speaker 2 I walk within knife range of them. He stabs you.
No.

Speaker 2 Can you imagine though? That'd be great. I'd fucking applaud you.
Fucking by fault for being a cuck.

Speaker 2 Just to me what you told me.

Speaker 2 He discreetly pulls back the latch on his helmet, and you see the face of your brother John.

Speaker 2 And he says, About time you showed up, sis.

Speaker 2 Hey, Hey, it's gonna be all right, it's gonna be all right, sis. Just dive ain't a minute.

Speaker 2 Mother, mother, fear me.

Speaker 2 I am the broken sky.

Speaker 2 All I ever wanted was to feel so ordinary

Speaker 2 in a world that lies twisted in my mind. And now I'm gone.

Speaker 2 All that I can see is a hole in the stars.

Speaker 2 Swallowing my dreams and making them scars.

Speaker 2 Too far, too far away.

Speaker 2 But I stay

Speaker 2 today.

Speaker 2 Thanks so much for listening. We're able to do what we do because people like you.
That's right. Podcast listeners support us directly.

Speaker 2 One way you can do that is just by listening to the show because there's advertising.

Speaker 2 The other way to do that, arguably a better way, a more direct way of supporting us, is saying goodbye to ads and saying hello to the Dungeons and Dragons Patreon. We're starting at just $5 a month.

Speaker 2 You get access to a bonus after show on our off weeks, as well as bonus one-shots, three-part miniseries, entire additional shows like Kingdom Dad Monster, where we play an indie board game called Classic that Matt happened to kickstart years ago.

Speaker 2 Entire documentaries like the four-part European tour doc that we just uploaded.

Speaker 2 It's a little bit like one of those rock and roll band tour docks, except it's about rock star DD podcasters just wreaking havoc in Europe.

Speaker 2 And by wreaking havoc, I mean Anthony playing a lot of Steam Deck. Check it out, patreon.com/slash dungeonsandaz.

Speaker 2 Dungeons and Daz is Matt Arnold as Kelsey Grammar, Anthony Birch as Francis Farnsworth, Will Campos as RDM, Bethany as Truthie Trout, and myself, Freddie Wong, as Blake Lively.

Speaker 2 Our theme song is A Hold in the Stars by Max and Waller, Anissa Omran as our content producer, Ashley Nicola as our community manager, Courtney Terry as our community coordinator, Cindy Denton as our merchandise manager, Esther Els is our lead editor, Travis Reeves, Omar Romolino, and Brian Fernandez provide additional editing.

Speaker 2 Our show is supported by a Patreon, people like Stalis Stale Holton, Andrew Cardona, Twice Once 2005, Dark Wind, We Wild, Fredefer, Emily Rogoff, Blake Daniel, Stop It's not Me, Zachary Glenn, Baldur, Naomi Leopardfang, Paisley, Cuddle Squad, Hunter Harness, Mickey S, Alonso Gomez, Jaron Salter, Andrew Altavot, Chelsea Freihout, and Nebula Lala.

Speaker 2 Support us directly on Patreon and get a bunch of content and ad-free episodes at patreon.com/slash dungeonsandads. Merch and more at our website, dungeonsandads.com.
Our next episode, September 9th.

Speaker 2 We'll see you then.

Speaker 2 All that I can see is a hole in the star.

Speaker 2 Swallowing my dreams and making them scars

Speaker 2 Too far, too far away

Speaker 2 But I'll stay

Speaker 2 today

Speaker 2 All that I can see is a hole in the stars.

Speaker 2 Swallowing my dreams and making them scars.

Speaker 2 Too far, too far away.

Speaker 2 But I stay

Speaker 2 today.

Speaker 2 Sorry, can I just say, on the Wikipedia, Black Beauty is considered one of the first fictional animal autobiographies.

Speaker 2 One of the first? I'm ever.

Speaker 2 They just considered one of the first. It's got to be the biggest hedge I've ever seen.