S3 Ep. 29 - The Moth Who Goo Too Much

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We're all gonna die.

The movie Matt and I wrote and directed is now available on digital download platforms.

A struggling beekeeper, played by Ashley Birch, teams up with an emotionally raw EMT, played by Jordan Rodriguez, on a road trip to retrieve her bees and his car after their stuff is suddenly teleported across the country by a giant alien artifact.

It's a sci-fi road trip comedy that premiered last year at South by Southwest and features music by Daddy's composer Maxton Waller.

Oh, and Beth is in it too.

You can find links at We'reAll Gonna DieMovie.com.

We're All Gonna, G-O-N-N-A die movie.com.

More like, we're all gonna buy the movie, that is.

Ha, am I right?

Okay, that's enough.

Please check it out.

Dungeons and Daddies is a rowdy, horny, violent podcast for grown-ups.

Content warnings can be found in the episode description.

Good evening.

Our guest author tonight has written five New York Times bestsellers with her sci-fi series Nebula's Ashes and is now branching out to historical romance with her new book, Boil and Trouble.

Here to read an excerpt, please give a warm welcome to author Tim Lee Persons.

Thank you so much.

So happy to be here.

This is from chapter three, Snaking the Drain.

A husky grunt fled Blake's soft, pursed lips as he strained to tighten his enormous wrench.

These pipes had seen better days indeed, nestled beneath Baba Yaga's crooked hut and hissing like an enraged serpent.

I did not anticipate this hut having plumbing, said Blake, as a bead of sweat trickled down his neck and onto his toned and glistening trapezius muscles, swirling into a milky mixture of fluids with the drip of Baba Yaga's leaking pipe.

Fie, fie, chuckled a voice from the corner.

And are you here of your own free will or by compulsion, my good youth?

Blake turned to face the sound of her voice, that beautiful voice, like the toady croak of an untuned piano.

He saw her, just barely, as she presented her body from the darkness.

His throat tightened as he fought an instant and inescapable erection.

She was built like a spider with flesh, swollen knees bobbing out at impossible angles as she clambered toward him with a pot of human stew in her branch-like arms.

Ye, yes, he stammered.

I'm here of my own free will.

Good, squealed Baba Yaga, because I value ye consent above all else.

With one practiced hand, Baba Yaga reached for Blake's belt buckle.

With the other, she held out the stew made of human children for Blake to taste.

He quivered, laughing it up like a kitty drinking milk, even though most cats are lactose intolerant.

But it wasn't enough.

He wanted, no,

needed to taste her.

Their lips met, softly at first, then with fervent aggression, gnashing their teeth together to taste every boil and shin hair and drop of human stew on each other's tongues.

All of these pipes were about to get cleared out tonight.

I am a plumber.

Now show me the leak, Blake whispered, as Baba Yaga undressed to only her granny panties.

The ecstasy was agony as his rock-hard cock twitched like a metronome with his heartbeat as she readied her dripping wet.

Okay, okay, okay, that's all the time we have for that portion of our author series.

We're gonna open it up now for uh QA.

Uh, yes, you serve with the hand raised.

Uh, hi, more of a comment than a question, really.

I'm gonna come.

Welcome to Dungeons and Daddies.

It's not a BDSM podcast.

It's a Hey There Delilah podcast.

That's just a little silly joke we were making before we started recording.

But go ahead, friends.

It's just you bad.

No,

I think we are all enjoying it just because I was the brainchild behind the beautiful invention of the parody songs.

I was trying to play along.

I was like the confused dad at the brainchild's tea party.

You know what I mean?

Like, yeah, hey, there, Delilah, right?

Yeah, that's what it is.

This is the Peachyville Horror, a Call of Cthulhu actual play, horror comedy podcast.

About four everyday Shmos fighting the forces of darkness in suburban 1950s.

Suburban New York City.

Suburban 1950s America.

And around the world.

That's right.

This podcast has gone global.

I play deep thinking plumber Blake Lively.

AKA Mr.

Worldwide.

Mr.

Worldwide.

Dale.

What, what?

That's a thing he says.

What does he say?

Dale.

Dale.

It's a thing he says.

It's a thing he says.

Mr.

Worldwide.

Yeah, Mr.

Worldwide.

Yeah.

What does he say?

Dale.

That's a thing he says.

That's a thing he says.

I played stupid.

It's a thing he says.

I played Deep Thinking Plumber Blake Lively.

A little Blake fact for this week.

Good on you, Freddie, for bringing it, bringing it, bringing it back to the podcast.

Nice.

You may have noticed an adeptness about Blake Lively.

Certainly, as he skillfully navigated the halls of the base.

That's because that's not the first time Blake Lively has infiltrated an enemy base.

Because we're on a base.

Climbed through the air vents and fixed the air conditioning because the Allies occupied the base and they're like, hey, the air conditioning is broken.

Can you go fix it?

He's like, I will fix it.

And he did.

And he was a hero.

And he got extra cake that night.

There's a very, very good thing.

Is that how the army works?

You get cake in the army, right?

I don't know.

Yeah.

The fuck you asking me?

Okay, we don't need Google anymore.

I'm sure.

I'm sure somebody's had cake in the army before, everybody.

They are butted up in the army.

Are you a veteran?

Please let us know if you got cake.

If you got cake, do they bake a cake in the cake?

The boys boys of the 101st Air Force, they dropped in and they had to make sure

that they had fucking Colonel Foghorn Leghorn on the bottom.

We had to make sure that their parachutes were extra big because we were dropping.

We were dropping cake into Normandy like a bakery delivery service.

I have a little joke, too.

You're saying that Blake knows his way around a base and a shaft.

What about the head?

We'll see.

Stay tuned.

You know, most of the air conditioning is located in the tip of the HVAC.

Hey, everybody.

I don't have a joke.

I just want to introduce my character.

Okay.

Well, yeah, we're trying to get away from the menu.

Oh, yeah, saving the boundary, everybody.

We all get 30 seconds of fun, and the next person gets to go.

Okay.

So you get Tyby.

I could get to Mars in that time.

That's funny.

That'd be pretty good.

But ABC.

You just cross the boundary.

Yeah.

My time.

Was it your time for you?

Saving my time.

Hey, everybody.

We do need to dox three seconds from Anthony's time for interrupting your time.

Okay, fair.

You're going to dox me?

Doc.

Oh.

We're going to doc.

Hey, everybody.

My name is Matthew Arnold, and I play Kelsey Grammar, Beachyville's happiest and snappiest school marm.

You know, she always says, you can't spell education without having had one.

That's really good.

That's really good, right?

That's good.

Thank you.

So quick little fact about Kelsey.

There's many reasons why she has not gone very far in her encyclopedia, you know, from the plagiarism scandal to getting stuck on things to starting over.

But one reason that she hasn't gone past B yet is because when she got to B, besides right after writing about boxing, she had to write about brothers and she's just

still writing about.

So everything post-BR, Will, you can say that Matt doesn't know.

I also like that you jumped from LMNO and you just skipped Q.

Although I guess BQ doesn't.

Even immediately after boxing.

Like, there's some other stuff between boxing and brothers, but what?

Name one quickly.

Nope.

Nope.

Brothels.

Brain.

Brothel.

Brothel.

That's actually under brothers because he was in the war.

What?

What?

See, brothel.

See, dude, I love you.

When you go to brothels, it says C Brothers.

Locations Brother has been.

Brothels.

I love that indie game, Brothels, a Tale of Two Souls.

This is a...

That's just a sex game.

This is not going to be a useful encyclopedia, it sounds like.

I mean, for her.

Her family.

Oh, yeah, yeah, that's probably a family.

It's more of an encyclopedia just for myself.

It's more of an encyclopedia.

nice

it's more of an insight

in insight

you know what anthony do you know what anthony's encyclopedia is called an encyclopedia

oh god i'm anthony birch i play francis warnsworth a kid who is trying his dead best my francis fact for today is that francis's former bully what we call him small shane silva i guess he's live he's the only shane silva now

hanging out with friends he uh owns a car as a teenager he owns a car yeah well his his you know his dad's making that good good police money um he's got a pension and francis used to have to like you know run from it and avoid it and stuff like that so francis came up with some good things to carry around all the time in case there is a bully around chasing you in a car such as this is good i'm gonna write these down knee pads elbow pads some sort of helmet goggles because sometimes the bad guy the bully will like throw a poop-filled bag that's on fire in the gas, you might inhale the gas and it might make you tear up.

So make sure you bring a traffic cone so you can put it on the bag and then pour water on that.

And also

a leaf blower to blow the stuff away.

And only bring your ID, don't bring your smartphone.

That's what Francis learned.

Francis learns to keep all his devices, his

devices.

at home.

His rotary phone is at home.

He does not unplug his rotary phone at home.

I was about to be like, you know, this episode is dropping in a month.

And I'm like, was so much more.

Do I think the world's going to be better?

What did I think was going to happen?

This is all good advice.

Wear a helmet out there.

Also, don't your phone just being off doesn't work.

No, I can still try to act.

Take the SIM card out or leave it at home.

Yep.

Oh, I didn't know.

I just figure, like, if there's something bad that happens and you need somebody to pick you up, you might need like.

So your burner phone's for.

What's the burner's for?

Yeah.

Oh, sick.

Go to a Target, use only cash, get a burner, and then a prepaid card.

And use it later.

Okay.

After they've.

Don't use it before you buy it.

No, no, I'm saying

you need to, if you're thinking, there's moves you make so that there's enough time that security camera footage gets deleted.

Oh, that's smart.

And then, Anthony, why bring your ID?

Because if the cops arrest you,

if the cops arrest Francis.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Sorry, if the bullies kidnap Francis, it's easier for them to process and therefore allow you to get, allow Francis to get bail than if you have no identification, in which case they push you basically to the bottom of the queue and you have to make it a bad idea.

What if you only have knives and lint like the Joker?

Nice.

Dark Knight.

And make sure you've planted a rotary phone bomb in your good friend.

Do they accept gamer ID?

Yeah, if you show him your speech achievements, if you have enough max total protest without his switch 2 on him, you got another thing.

I genuinely believe we're all eating into best time.

Excuse me.

Excuse me.

How long have I been in this country?

Check out the number of achievements I got.

That's right.

Tears of War One.

When were you born, sir?

I've been here since then.

Hi.

My name is Beth May, and I play Trudy Trout, a homemaker, mother, robot.

Fun fact about Trudy Trout is that we've all established that Trudy has nerves of steel, but she does not have a heart of gold because

gold

is used primarily in the CPU for memory

because of its capacity to

something.

Conductivity.

Conductivity, yes.

I haven't been very happy with Trudy's conductivity as of late.

Oh, wow.

That was good.

You could use that one.

Yes.

If you're trying to get out.

No, I wasn't trying to get out.

I was just trying to go.

Just educating us.

Yeah.

Okay.

Gold is a notoriously soft metal,

but Trudy's heart is made of something even softer.

Do I know what that is?

No.

But it is softer than gold.

So there you go.

And I yield the remainder of my time.

And I am setting a boundary that I'm not going to explain anything else.

I'm setting a boundary.

I'm going to setting a boundary.

I'm not going to explain anything else.

Hachi machi.

Hello.

Hello.

How are you all today?

Fine.

I'm ready to play games.

All right.

I'm Will Campos.

I'm your

daddy master guy.

I'm the keeper.

I'm the beholder, the helder, the wielder of the secrets and the mysteries.

And I have a creepy fact for you today.

I'm excited.

Oh, you got new sandals on.

Who are those?

That is great.

I'm wearing Tivas and not Birkenstocks.

He's had the Tivas for a while.

He made the transition.

Highlight the best parts of your feet so nicely.

My little piggies are out today.

God.

Oink, oink.

What's the top part of the foot called?

I think I have a name for that.

The top part of the foot?

Everybody's got, yeah, but they gotta have a better name than that.

You can't say that.

The bottom is the sole.

The laces?

The laces?

What are you talking about?

What do you mean the front?

Like the laces?

No, like above the piggies.

The front of the

fleshy party.

I promise to call it the front of the foot.

Oh, it's the dorsum.

The top.

The dorsum.

The dorsum.

Your dorsal fin.

My dorsum.

Give me some of that, dorsum.

Showing a little dorsum today, Will.

Some tasteful dorsum.

I don't know what you're doing.

It's creepier than Matt saying that to me, but I'll try.

Subscribe to my OnlyFans.

I'll shoot the show by the way.

It's like one of the kids, like, your epidermis is showing or whatever.

My creepy fact for today is that the last sense to go when you die is your hearing.

How did they know that?

They asked a guy.

I don't know.

I read it somewhere, and I only bring it up because a lot of people listen to the show when they're driving.

At least one person said they listen to it while they're using a forklift.

And I just want you to know, hey, operating heavy machinery.

If you're listening to this podcast while doing something dangerous, choose wisely because our voices may be the last thing you hear before the lights go out.

Or an ad.

Or it could be an ad.

That's why you should subscribe to our Patreon.

You really want to hear one of our fucking ads when you die.

Oh man.

Hear that silence?

That's what it's going to be like when you die.

That's going to be the last thing you're going to do.

We recorded the sound of what it sounds like after you die.

P-O-V.

Even when you die.

It was able to produce a single sound.

Hey there, I died.

Would you like to play some games with me?

Yes, yes.

All right, let's play some COC.

When we last left the crew, the squad, you guys had narrowly escaped building 21, the secret Soviet black site in the middle of Percy Kovograd, where all manner of spooky and fucked up science was going on.

And probably like a little bit of normal science.

And some normal science, you you know, so they were still applying for grants and stuff, I'm sure.

You rescued Mothman from the irradiated scrap heap blast zone that the Soviets used to commune with the powers that be, and you were able to successfully outwit Baba Yaga.

Blake's ex Blake's potential ex-lover, Baba Yaga.

Oh, there's whole torrid reams of story there.

You and Mothman and that little moth that's been following you around have all clambered onto the ship.

You almost didn't make it out, but then the heroic efforts of one, Antonio Colette, the original, that is, managed to heroically rescue you at the last minute.

You were able to blast off and hurtle into the sky.

What a crazy coincidence that he was there.

Yeah, it was crazy, right?

Makes you wonder, oh, what kind of crazy coincidence happened in your life every day that you don't even know about.

I told you I have another friend named Freddie Wong, right?

No, really?

No.

That would be crazy, though, wouldn't it?

I wanted to meet him.

And defeat him in single combat.

That's right.

Freddie Wong is like a bad thing.

Single combat.

All right.

All right.

All right.

All right.

All right.

All right.

So anyway, oh, and then Laika died.

Yes.

Oh, we were in in space

you showed well, you show well, you went to like I would say the upper atmosphere so that Laika could see the stars.

Are we the first humans in space?

No, we're in the late 50s.

And you're in the upper atmosphere.

I just said that.

We're like Katy Perry space.

Yeah.

No, it's not even that.

You're not even Katy Perry.

You're like, you see the stars.

You pierce the stars.

Outside?

Will, what happened?

We went from space tower outside to anywhere we can see the stars.

You're in the space.

Laika said she wanted to see the stars.

Leica saw the stars.

But you realize, you know, just a point of fact, you guys realize that when you go outside and you see the stars at night, that doesn't mean you're in outer space, right?

I know.

I just don't know why.

I just don't know why you're hedging that we went to space.

But okay, why can't we go to space?

Just for reasons that are important later, you're not in a space.

Space doesn't exist.

They're in like a stratosphere.

Yeah, you're in the stratosphere.

Mothman, pull up.

Otherwise, Laika will have died for nothing.

Pull up and bring us to space, Spaceman.

Don't yell at Mothman.

He's been through a lot.

Mothman, can I yell at you?

Please don't.

I've been through a lot.

See?

Please, Laika will die for nothing if we don't pull up more and go into activity.

Unfortunately, the ship in its current state cannot go into space

unless I activate this.

And he points to this room, and there's a little window into it.

What is in this room?

This is the sanctum sanctorum of my ship.

The most powerful energies are kept there, and this is where the darklight drive is held.

And you see, like this cool, crazy, spinny drive.

This is what allows my ship to sail between stars.

But for safety reasons, I cannot activate it in the atmosphere.

A great cataclysm could occur.

Oh, could you activate it in the thermosphere?

Or the exosphere?

Which sphere?

I have to be in outer space to use it.

What about this phenosphere?

Back off.

God Jesus has been through an awful lot.

No, I agree.

I want to know how we get it.

I want to help.

But also, where's Timmy?

Where is Timmy?

When I was ambushed, I moved your son to the safest place in the ship, the one place I knew no thing from this reality or any other could get to him.

And that is in this room with the dark light crystal.

Well, is there a door handle?

And he like enters this sequence of like beep boops on this little panel and then this door slides.

It's very science fiction.

It's very technical.

This is a hard sci-fi podcast.

This door slides open.

In the future, you can't just open doors.

You got to press like 9 plus.

Secure doors, you have to.

Yeah.

This is like, come on.

Can I look at what he's doing?

Like to remember the code.

Like try to remember to cut it.

Sure, yeah.

Give me an intelligence role.

Oh, I super past 14.

All right, here's what we're going to do, Matt.

Oh, super duper past.

That's exactly because I have 70 intelligence.

I'm going to write down a series of numbers

and then I'm going to say them.

Okay.

And if you can remember them by the end of the episode, you can use them.

But don't write them down.

Beth, look at the screen.

Don't write it down.

Matt, close your eyes.

Close your eyes.

Close your eyes.

Okay.

Close your eyes.

Okay.

Close my eyes.

You're looking a little bit at your screen.

Turn around.

Turning around.

I'm looking at his eyes.

His eyes are closed.

All right.

1092350981.

Oh, well, I saw what he did, but I already forgot.

Oh, this feels mean.

Yeah, you see.

1092302981?

No.

Fuck.

90210.

Do you really want to know the code?

You can read it.

Yeah, just in case.

I mean, all right.

Yes,

you see, and you're able to understand this sort of, he has more like little finger thingies than you do.

So it's like probably take two people to punch it in the way he does, but you see the code if you wish to use the code.

I mean, hopefully, we don't need to.

I wouldn't do it to like trick Mothman, but like, if he's injured or something, we got to get in there and he can't open it.

But I got my eye on you.

I just know there's shenanigans around the corner.

So I'm just.

I'm not shenanigans anymore.

Ever again.

Don't worry.

I'm setting a boundary.

I'm setting a boundary.

I'm just trying to do the shenanigans.

I wasn't saying, don't do the shenanigans.

I was just trying to.

We'll see what happens.

Maybe I'm just playing.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh, no.

We go in.

You go into the room.

There's this big, swirling, crystal, pulsing, incomprehensible energy.

And you see Timmy.

He's got like, again, like a sort of IV drip thingy hooked up to him, and he's on like a cot in the room as well.

And he appears to still be comatose.

Do you have the stuff?

I hand her the little vial that's got the last little remaining bit of venom.

You brought the venom with you?

Yeah.

You slayed the doll maker?

Yes.

Well done.

And there's more back in America.

We did it to save Timmy.

Mothman rushes over to like a receptacle to put the venom in, and he holds it up and it's like about the size of like a huge analogy body.

He's like, this much shall suffice.

Where is it?

that's a lot

how much did you bring i mean enough

you were assured it was enough i told you that you you should have you should have you we shouldn't have used it on the the bowling team we shouldn't have used it trudy i mean not the nitpick but that amount he's showing is more than we even brought it's a lot But you're right, I shouldn't have used it because every I'm sorry.

I didn't mean to yell.

I just want him to be better.

Honey, you're fine.

What if we mix it with water?

Yeah, like robotoscin.

Oh, yeah.

Is it concentrated?

Can we dilute it?

What do you have?

Show me.

We have uncut, pure.

It's like, you know.

It was like a rag that got chloroformed, and then you run it around that.

We have like six little drippy drops.

Yeah.

Back at Dr.

Dog, she's got the corpse.

Yeah, I don't know if we have as much as Will.

You didn't see an audience.

Will motion like big.

It's like.

You know, we'll call it like a

size of a fish.

You know what it's like?

It's like one of those really big Australian beers.

That's what he's got.

Oh, okay.

A real Aussie beers.

He's got a big, like an extra-large Foster-sized can of beer.

I think we have that much back in America.

You present him this tiny little drink.

You got like two or three ounces.

And he holds up this little vial.

He says, there may be something I can do with this.

It will take time.

And he leaves the room.

Okay, cool.

You hear beeping and booping in the other room.

Do you want to see what I'm doing?

Oh, sure.

That'd be great.

Yeah,

you didn't invite us.

We'll come.

You just kind of walked out.

It's not vampire rules in here.

You guys can follow me around.

How do you never mind?

Sorry, what?

I guess they have vampires on the bottom.

You guys have vampires too?

Vampire moths.

Vampire moths.

Oh, my goodness.

They're going to suck your butt.

They're very dangerous.

Are the rules real?

Very alluring.

What are the vampire rules?

The vampire moth rules are as follows.

One, they look at a different type of light than us.

Do you have a vampire movie called Let the Light One In?

Wow.

How do you know of this tale?

Trudy,

truly, you are wise beyond most humans.

Oh, stop.

This is a song we sing.

Let the light one in.

That tells a tale of a sad moth.

And a flashlight.

And a

very sad moth and a very dangerous vampire moth.

And that is all I can say for now.

The subject.

Quite the story.

It's too painful for me to discuss.

You know, I understand.

What are you doing to Timmy?

He puts the little vial in...

There's like the medical room with all the goo tubes.

Goo tube doctor.

Yeah, well, y'all know those goo tubes, right?

You dipped in the goo tubes last time.

It's the resident evil level.

It's the resident evil level.

That's what they're doing.

What?

That wasn't sure, but now I know.

I started with just a house.

It was tubes in the last three games.

There's gonna be tubes in this one, dude.

He sticks the vial into like this whizzing, whirling centrifuge.

He says, I shall try to synthesize as much of the antidote as I can.

Cool.

It will allow us to communicate with Timmy, but only for a short time.

Short time?

What am I going to say?

What if he doesn't want to talk to me?

What if he doesn't want to talk to me at all?

No, no, no, no, you're smiling.

Mod Van puts a reassuring hand on your shoulder.

He says, You're his mother.

You will find the words when the time is right.

I know it.

I'm not even his original mother.

I'm not in the middle of the moment.

I'm just a robot copy of his original mother.

No, you're his mom.

You're his mom.

I feel like his mom.

There you go, then you are.

You're the best he has.

He's just going to want to hear from you.

Okay.

And then, how fast fast would it take to get to America?

It will take eight hours to get to Beachyville.

In four hours, I will have this antidote.

Okay.

In the meantime, you all appear very wounded.

I suggest you avail yourself of my tubes.

Goo in.

Blake, what was it's been a bit.

What happened to the tubes?

Should we?

The tubes reveal things.

I know that.

They reveal truths and they reveal dreams.

They also stitch you up pretty good, yeah.

Yeah.

But we don't have to be naked, right?

We do not have to be naked.

It doesn't hurt if we are.

It doesn't hurt.

Okay, cool.

Be a lot cooler if you're not.

Here I go.

He doesn't say that last part.

Mutters it under his breath.

I get older, they stay the same.

So as he's getting you to the tubes, he then he double takes at you, Francis, and he points at the gun that you're using as a leg.

Yeah, what's up?

This strikes me as an ineffective way to support yourself.

I think my friends are here to support me, so I'm good.

What if?

And then he hurries over to a closet.

Does he want a gun in the lake?

No.

I also know that magically, if it gets removed, it's going to show it back up there again.

That's a magic thing.

He opens this closet up, and he's got all of his spare Trudy.

Oh, I got a walk-in.

This is so nice.

Amazing.

Yes, I had it installed in my last Renault of the ship.

The resale of the ship is going to go through the roof.

He opens up his walk-in Trudy robot parts closet.

Why do you have all these?

This would, I mean, but this is, is, I, this is how I fix Trudy.

Okay, but did you get these because of which Trudy Sharp?

I got these because the evil one,

he who shall not be mentioned, cast aside many Trudies into the pit outside my home.

And that is where I gathered the parts that I now use to save the life of this magnificent being before you.

I do have my eye on you, but I'll allow it.

You would do wise not to besmirch my collection of Trudy parts before I have.

And he produces a left Trudy leg.

I can affix this to you.

Ooh, la la la.

Whoa, wow, wee wah.

Very good.

It's been years since I've heard that.

It's like a Christmas story up in here.

Do we keep the fish that's on or?

No, you can take.

That's up to you.

Okay, cool.

It'd be a lot cooler if you did.

I'm getting so many different vibes from you today.

I'm taking myself into a hole here.

I was just trying to be funny.

Mothman doesn't actually say that.

Mothman gives you the legs.

Do you wish to have a more functional leg than this gun as your leg?

For sure.

If If you know a way to break the curse on this thing, that'd be great.

Sadly, I do not know how to break.

Okay, well, let's see what happens then.

Extra leg.

Extra leg.

Oh, I already know.

Just to clear it, the curse is not that Brunhilda is your leg.

You just put Brunhilda there.

On your back, you can just strap her to your back or whatever.

Oh, okay, sure.

Yeah.

So, yes, if you take the Trudy leg, you will lose any sort of disadvantages to dexterity or acrobatics.

You'll get your move speed back.

And I can flag down people for hedgehog.

But only in one direction.

Yes.

I'll have to stand on the right side of the road.

Oh.

Oh.

Though in some cities, maybe the other direction.

Yeah, if we go to Britain, I will have to stand on the left side of the road.

Mother's like, wait, but first, Trudy, this is your leg, not mine.

Are you okay with the boy using your leg as a leg?

Of course, anybody can use my leg.

I have plenty.

But Trudy, you're taller than him.

Oh, well, just chop part of it off.

No, I mean, I could just put lifters in my other shoe.

Oh, okay.

A little bit of a call me, a little bit of a call.

No, we didn't need to cut off any part of the leg.

It's good.

We're good.

I mean, he's already cut off.

I mean, not the bottom part.

I would cut off, you know, up to the top.

That's fine.

That feels weird.

I don't, I'm good.

Just let Mothman install it how he needs to.

He's the mechanic.

Yeah, it's up to you, I guess.

Very well.

Mothman scoops you up into his arms, Francis.

And

learn something new about myself.

Flexes.

He rips Brunhilda off of your leg and throws her into the corner.

Holy shit.

And then dunks you into one of these tubes and then just drops the spare leg in the tube with you.

So do I.

He dusts his moth hands.

Is anyone else getting in the tubes?

I'm getting in the tubes.

We all go in the tubes.

So the two of you go in the tubes.

As we established last time.

Beth, raising your hand.

Trudy.

I was drinking, and so I couldn't be on mic to say I want to go in the tubes.

So I bought myself some time by raising my hand loudly in the air.

Everyone goes in the tubes.

Trudy, because she is a robot, does not go into the tubes.

She gets patched up by Mothman.

By Mothman's big arms.

By his, you know, it's like a sort of.

Trudy, if you like, Trudy,

go ahead and knock on my tube.

She's not going to be knocking your tube if Mothman starts getting fresh.

That's true.

That's what we're talking about.

I don't know what either of you are talking about.

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You check your feed and your account.

You check the score and the restaurant reviews.

You check your hair and reflective surfaces and the world around you for recession indicators.

So you check all that, but you don't check to see what your ride options are.

In this economy, next time, check Lyft.

We will start with Kelsey's tube.

So all of these things are happening simultaneously.

Your tube, YouTube.

YouTube.

My tube's red.

Nice.

Kelsey.

You float in inky blackness.

Silence.

Comfort.

It's like you just died and you're hearing a podcast as the lights go out.

You've never felt more serene.

And then you hear...

Kelsey, is that you?

Yeah, it's me.

Who's this?

The light starts to trickle into the room.

And you are in the closet of Roz's house.

And you're hiding in this closet.

with Milton.

Oh, what age am I?

You're an adult.

This is an outline.

Milton, what?

Oh, this is a tube thing, huh?

Oh, it worked.

It worked.

Okay, wow.

And you see, Milton has this like spell book in front of him that he's focusing on, even though he can't read it.

He's sort of drawing a psychic energy from it.

I tried to reach you last time, and I only got Blake.

Kelsey, Miss Gramer, things are really bad down here.

Things are really bad out here.

You guys are back here in Peachyville.

And as he says that, you hear this bang on the door.

You hear something like pounding on the door outside.

You hear Roz's voice, and she says, Milton, you just keep your head down in there, okay?

It's gonna be all right.

Mommy's gonna protect you.

And you hear a glass window shatter and you hear a rifle shot go off.

Ross, I want to try to open the door.

You can kind of phase through V into the living room, but I'm not actually there.

Yeah.

Okay, Milton, listen to your mother.

Stay there.

I'm going to see what's happening.

Okay, it's just, I have something important to tell you.

Oh, okay.

What?

No, tell me, tell me.

So I just, I think it's getting pretty bad out there, and I think that something bad might be happening soon to me.

And before that happens, there's something I need to give you that I'm stupid and I should have given it to you a long time ago, but I was scared.

When I was a little kid,

I found this in the house and he pulls out, he's got his backpack with him, he takes it out of his backpack and he's trembling as he holds it.

He has this notebook, like a composition notebook.

You recognize it for it's like a split second.

You're like, this was what he grabbed at the library back when you guys were in that library labyrinth where you guys were all getting a book sort of thrust upon you by the library.

I got my brother's drunk.

Yes, this is the book that was given to him.

He says, I know I got it at the library, but I had it before.

I knew it just by grabbing it because because I could never forget it.

When I found it, it had all these dates in it and these names next to the dates.

And I thought it was really funny because the first name on there was Grandma Mildred's.

Then on the day that was the date in the book, that was the day that she died.

I just thought it was a weird coincidence, but then I saw another name of a kid at school and I saw a date and it was coming up.

I went to tell him.

I went to warn him.

And he died anyway.

It happened again.

When was this?

This was when I was a little kid.

I was six years old.

Okay.

You remember Grandma mildred right and that kid at school bobby and then it just kept happening and it was like no matter what i did you know my mom thought i was crazy i was trying to tell her and then you know they said that it was you know like that there's something i was having bad dreams and whether i warned them or not it was just one person after another kept dying i didn't know what to do and so i just tried to bury the book in the woods and forget about it because well there are There are two things about the book that scared me so much, I never wanted to look at it anymore.

And one was the last page.

At the last page of the,

I don't even want to talk about it, but the last page of the book is really scary.

Can you show me?

So he's just holding the book tight.

It's okay.

He said, Kelly, Miss Grammar, there's, there's one other thing you need to know.

And that's why I want to give the book to you is that there's one name in here that there's no date and I can't, I can barely even read it.

And it's your name.

And it's the one name I can't find in the book.

of everybody in Peachyville.

It's the one name that's not in here.

So I don't know.

It's why I've always felt safe around you because I felt like whatever bad thing was going to happen, it wasn't going to happen to you.

And so whenever I would get scared, I would, you know, know, I would, I would just, anyway, I just, I know that, I know that sometimes I can be annoying and I know that sometimes, you know, it's just, I just know that, you know, maybe you don't like me, but I just, I just want you to know that

I really like you, and I really, I really think that maybe this book was meant for you and I shouldn't have taken it in the first place, and I'm sorry.

And he hands you this book.

And can I hold it?

Does it actually?

You hold it in your hands.

And as you hold it,

the lights in the house start to flicker and you feel physically in your body like the whole room and world begin to shake around you just for a second like there's this tremor tremor.

Like, if I try to touch the door, like, I actually feel the door instead of phasing through it.

No, you're still phasing through it.

Weirdly enough, it's just like everything shimmers around you for a second.

You hear the door beginning to break down,

and you hear Ross just erupt in a sort of like a protective, motherly, lioness rage as she fires off another shot at someone outside, and then you wake up.

Do I have the book with me?

You do.

Whoa!

I'm just like sitting in a goo, and I just opened my book.

Sure, like YouTube.

I want to flip to the last page.

So the last page, you see hundreds and hundreds of names of just tiny, tiny clothes

scrolling down.

This is like the last two pages of this book, and they all have the same date.

And it's two days from now.

Two days is going to be the day.

Blake.

Yes.

Silence.

Find yourself

floating in an ethereal void.

It's like the silence right after a toilet has been flushed, but before the little

starts filling up the tank again,

it's a serene moment.

That's not a serene moment.

That's a tense moment.

Because you're not sure if you got to open the tank back up and jiggle the thing that makes it tight.

Tense moment pregnant with expectation.

Where is the water?

And then

you find yourself standing by a beautiful stream flowing in a sort of ethereal cosmic garden.

Ah, good water flow.

It's got the vibe of like, you ever watch Kung Fu Pan?

Yes.

Do you remember when his mentor like dies and turns into like cherry blossoms or whatever?

Yeah, and it's super beautiful.

It's like that.

It's that kind of thing.

One day there will be an animated movie about this place.

I only wish that I could have seen that movie with you, sir.

And you see my main man, Ambrister, rounder, my main dog, but how are you here?

I have traversed beyond the veil of life and death.

I have died, and soon I will move on to the other side.

Lake,

what is holding you here?

What is holding me here is one last thing.

One last thing I must show you, old friend.

I never told you how I learned the art of the gun cartus.

Yes, it was a mystery, despite all my probing, all those long nights in campfires.

The secret of the gun carts is passed from master to student after the master has died.

Fucking so sick, I knew it.

I fucking knew it.

As my master came to me after he died and his master came to him, I now come to you.

I am ready.

And he pulls out two gold-plated guns.

Two gold-plated 1911s, like in face-off.

And he sets them before you and he says.

Hold on, to be very, very clear.

He sets them when they're, it's like in the game Hitman when they're both like parallel.

You know what I'm saying?

Yeah.

Like they look like two L's next to each other.

So that when you're symmetrical.

If you have two handguns and you don't set them down that way, what do you even do?

Yeah, why did you get two handguns?

Why did you get two handguns?

Alternate configurations when they're both facing the other way.

Oh, yeah, I like that.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Either way, symmetrical and a pose.

Symmetrical and a pose.

He sets them down in the grass and he bows serenely to you and says, It is time to begin your training.

He looks, and I've already have both guns in my hand.

Except you don't.

Why?

Because as you reach for the guns, you're, as we established, phobia of guns kicks in.

Oh, no!

And you spasm with fear and throw up violently on the ground.

Amberster, my relationship with firearms is not what they used to be.

What?

What has happened to you, my boy?

My god!

I'm freaked out and scared by them now.

They are loud and go bang.

You fear the coolest object in the universe, a gold-bladed gun, is a source of pain for you.

It pains me because my eyes see them, and somewhere deep in my reptilian brain, I know that these are two objects that I must hold in my hands.

And yet, and yet, the icy cold twinge of fear grips me by the neck and shakes me about.

It is nothing, it is nothing, boy.

Try, push through.

Focus.

Focus your energy on the gun.

Center yourself.

Okay, I'd like to roll to center myself.

Okay, go ahead.

And focus on the guns.

What's that roll?

Just give me a D100.

24.

Doesn't work.

But that's a Jack Bauer number.

That's a Jack Bauer number.

And Jack Bauer famously

Keever Sutherland also there, and he just shakes his head at you as you piss and throw up for 24 seconds as you try to hold the guns.

And he just shoots you in the fucking knee and asks you where the bomb is.

And Bristur just weeps as he watches you.

Maybe you can teach that other man over there, for clearly I am no longer a good student.

Kiefer's like, yes.

That's just like him.

He sounds just like Kiefer right there.

Let me do my Kiefer Sutherland and fresh it.

As a Christmas tree, I'm going to go tackle it.

As Kiefer Sutherland tackles a Christmas tree in the background, Amberster kneels down before you and says, It seems then that the secret of the gun cart dies with me.

That's too fucked up, Amberster.

That's the most fucked up thing you've ever said.

Don't shed a tear.

I promise

I don't understand what you mean by that.

It's enshrined in our constitution, Emberster.

I was just trying to make you feel better, oh boy.

It is a heavy burden you carry now.

But Amber.

The ancient arts dies with you.

But what?

And then I look to the left, and it's like a literally like an avatar when there's just lines of guys.

You know what I'm saying?

Yes, gun masters going back somehow thousands of years before the invention of the gun.

That guy was just really good at throwing two rocks

With a trembling hand, he says, My time is fading.

The line will be broken soon.

I cannot give you knowledge of the gun cartas, but what else you got for me, my main man?

Okay, so, like, God, real or not, is that the one you have time for one question before I disappear.

So, I just want to give you one second more to see.

Beyond the veil, yes, very important.

Is there a way we get out of this and we can save Peachyville and the world?

In your head, you hear.

Maybe not a yes or no question.

And how would that be done?

How would it?

Semicolon, semicolon, semicolon.

Is there any way

that we get through this and Peachyville and the world survives?

Semicolon.

And how might we go about doing that?

And please glaze me a little bit.

First off, that's an incredibly cool question that you asked.

And I really think you, Junique Among People, would ask such a wise and selfless question, Blake.

I like how this is going so far.

Good thing I was a multi-parter.

The answer to the second part of your question is,

seek the sinking light, Blake.

Seek the sinking

light.

As he fades away, the whole world shudders.

The stars above you seem to flicker and twitch.

And then, off in the eastern quadrant of the sky, a new star is born.

The constellation of two guns.

The amber star is born, and you wake up.

I look at my hands, and I go, what have I become?

Francis.

Yeah.

Because you are soul bound with Brunhilde, finally.

Or you are, you know, psychically bound with Brahina, you get two dreams.

Ooh, daddy likes me bad.

We'll start with Brunhilde's dream.

You experience this as well.

You're in a hut in a village somewhere in the Middle Ages.

Air is crisp and cool around you.

This woman is mixing herbs in a cauldron.

She's like a sort of herbalist medicine woman.

It's tranquil, it's serene, and she hums lightly to herself.

And she feels this sharp twang in her gut as her unborn baby kicks at her stomach.

And as she's brewing this potion, she hears screaming and horses trampling in the distance.

She hears the splitting cry of a horn, and she knows that her village is being attacked.

There's the din of battle growing closer and closer.

Hurriedly, she grabs the essentials she knows she'll need to flee into the forest and to take care of herself and her child, who's due any day now.

She bursts forth from her hut, and she sees raiders from a neighboring Germanic tribe circling the village, cutting down everybody she knows in one bloody spear stab after another.

She sees the leader of this raiding party, massive, fearsome on this steed, rear up.

The sky behind him seems to darken, and lightning cracks as thunder pours down.

And she locks eyes with this fearsome warrior, and she runs for her life and for the life of her child.

She's slipping through the mud and stumbling around.

And she can hear it happen behind her.

She hears the horse neigh and buck up, and she can almost make out of the cracking lightning the sound of this spear sailing through the air and then piercing through her stomach.

Yikes.

And piercing through her child.

Yikes.

And she collapses onto the ground.

And as she hears this warrior dismount from their horse and step towards her into the mud, fear and hatred above all else fill her heart.

And she whispers in an ancient tongue a curse, a dark oath.

And at the end of it, she says the name of her daughter, Brunhilde.

And the soul of this child transfers into this spear.

And as this soldier picks it up and pulls it out of her stomach, a hateful energy seeps into him.

He controls the spear, but the spear controls him.

Who saved who, right?

The dream shifts and swirls, and suddenly, the warrior, horrified, stands over his entire clan, slain by his own spear in his own hand.

He drops it as more warriors surge around him to bring him to justice.

The spear lays there in the dirt, getting lashed by wind and rain.

For centuries, we see it travel from one place to the next, inflicting whoever touches it with this malign desire to kill, to wreak vengeance on innocent life as its own innocent blood was shed.

And as Brunhilde travels over the years, we see her form shift in shape.

to match whatever the weapon of the day is, the crossbow, the saber, the musket, until finally she's lying in a ditch in World War I, and a soldier drops dead next to her, and she sees a rifle, and slowly her form turns into a rifle.

And then,

what was she before that?

When she was in the ditch before she turned into a rifle, she was like, This was a five-year period where it went back to rocks again.

She knew it.

I think it was probably she was a saber on one of those guys

like in the cavalry charge

that quickly learned that they were outflanked by machine guns and then got gunned down.

I love this.

This is cool.

It does imply fetal personhood, though.

Curses begin at conception.

That's all.

And then she, in World War II, takes her form as you knew her in the hands of a Nazi sniper and his Car 98K rifle, who eventually turned the weapon on himself and then was discovered by your father.

As he picks up the weapon and a dark thought comes over him to what he can do with this gun and who he might give it to, you feel reality shudder and shake and warp around you.

And then you wake up floating once again over the skies of Beachyville.

And you're now once again astral projecting.

This is now a AAA open world dream sequence.

What would you like to do?

Do I have my full body and no Brunhilda as astral?

No, Brunhilda.

You're 100 Francis right now.

Brunhilda is not here, as far as I can tell.

Go, Google.

Trying to remember where were we going to go before all this Mishigas.

Would you like me to just describe that?

I can paint the picture a little bit for you.

Go for it.

It's rowdy out here.

The first thing you notice is that there's surprisingly few, because normally like when you're astral projecting, you can see these glowing embers of where people are asleep, right?

Like they sort of ping, they radiate for you a little bit more.

And it seems like almost everybody is awake and there's a tremendous amount of activity in the town.

You hear an air raid siren droning.

You see people frantically boarding up their houses.

If you peer into the houses, you can kind of see through the walls and you see people hunkering down in fear.

And then you also see trucks and jeeps patrolling and circling around the streets.

Bisons in their robes and masks are going from door to door, and they seem to be grabbing people and dragging them into these trucks.

Jesus Christ.

That guy should definitely have a helmet and some elder pads and some knee pads.

Behind you, you hear, yeah, it's going pretty bad out there.

How you doing?

Nice diggy Pete.

Hey, Francis, where have you been?

I missed you out here in the astral realm.

Uh, around in Russia.

They don't have the astral.

They haven't built it yet.

I got it.

That explains why I haven't seen you around.

Yeah, you guys must have really kicked the hornet's nest.

The cult is going crazy down there.

Yeah, I want to look and see if any of those uh quasi-brainwashed.

I have to take a trip.

Can't be late.

People are still walking somewhere because I want to know where they're walking to and go there.

Oh, nice.

You remember the Anderson saying that they were all heading towards the corn hub?

Then I would like to go to the corn hub.

You fly over there, you see this big clearing, like this big, almost like a crop circle in the ground and like a pit.

And as far as you can tell, this was a pit dug by human hands, but there's no one in there anymore.

It seems like whoever was gathering here, they seem to have dispersed after the dollmaker died.

Oh, dang, dude.

You're too late.

Or they went back to their homes.

You can't quite tell what happened.

Okay.

Well, not my problem.

I guess I will try to find my dad.

Okay.

Or my mom.

My mom.

My mom.

I care more about my mom at this point.

Damn.

Edible.

So you're able to kind of hone in on them, and you see your parents.

back at your house and they are both pondering an orb, dude.

They're just straight up orb pondering.

They They got

my orb.

Fucking crystal.

Are they fully clothed?

Give me a luck roll.

Oh, God.

I failed.

Okay, well, then they're both buck-ass naked.

That's your biggest fear of a parent.

That'd be wild if Will was like, okay, then they're clothed.

Damn.

Oh, Jesus.

Three-piece suits for everyone.

So at least for you, Sticky Pete.

In the orb that they are pondering, you see flashes of people's faces that seem to be denizens of Peachville.

It's almost like they're scrying in to see where these people are.

They're sort of harnessing their psychic power together to do this, which is why they're so entranced that they can't really notice that you are there because they're sort of occupied doing this.

And you see some faces that you recognize.

You see one of the Anderson brothers.

You see some kids from school.

You see Shane Jr., in fact.

And then you see Milton for a split second.

He seems to be talking to somebody off screen and he's hiding in a closet somewhere.

As this is happening, your mother in a trance is just muttering names and addresses, almost like she's speaking tongues, but she seems to be projecting this out somewhere.

Your father, from his one remaining eye, he seems to be participating in this ritual, but you can sense that he feels conflicted.

He's sort of watching, half entrance, but half in horror at what's happening around him.

In fact, you see a tear rolling down his eye.

It's almost like he wishes he could stop this, but he can't.

And then for a second, he breaks his concentration and he looks directly at you.

What's up, soy boy?

He starts to grow fearful and he's like, Don't come back.

Stay away.

You could stop this.

Stay away.

I can't.

It's too late.

But you have to stay away.

If we can't turn you into Zuzel, the very least is I can protect you from what's about to happen here.

And then he goes back into his trance.

She's rude.

Is there anything I can do, astrally, magic-y shit, to like the orb?

To the orb.

Yes.

Oh, sure.

Yeah.

You get the sense that you could dive into that orb and talk to your parents.

Whoa.

Okay, I'm coming in.

Okay.

You dive into the orb.

I will say, unfortunately, because the orb is at ground height and they're sitting on the ground, you're basically eyeball to eyeball with their naughty bits right now as you dive into the orb.

First of all, you.

Second of all, mecha lekahi, mecha hiney hoe.

Third of all, what the fuck are you doing?

Francis?

Your mother's like, Francis, where are you?

At a height?

I would prefer not to be.

So if you could answer me as quickly as possible, that'd be great.

Francis, stay away.

You chose your path, Francis, and we chose ours.

So as far as I'm concerned, this has nothing to do with you.

Well, I'm going to come back anyway.

So if I'm going to come back, why don't you tell me where I shouldn't be?

What?

You know, like where all the ruckus is happening.

So I shouldn't say that.

Why should I tell you anything?

Yeah, that's fair enough.

You are such a disappointment.

Oh, nobody.

And then she, a surge of energy, slams both of her hands onto the orb and this sort of like dark light seems to crack through them and pierce into your mind as she sort of forcibly ejects you from this crystal.

And you find yourself launched back up into the sky.

And you can sense your dream coming to a close.

But before you do, something odd strikes you, which is as you cast around town, again, like I said, not a lot of people asleep right now.

One person who does seem to be asleep is Dr.

Dogg.

And she's just sort of like asleep on the ground

in the veterinary office.

I'm going to jump into her then.

As you fly down to Dr.

Dog's office, you see that, first of all, the door is wide open.

Never a great sign.

There's a car missing.

Oh, they're open.

Middle of the night.

These are never a great sign.

No No air conditioning's on.

You want to fucking air condition the entire neighborhood?

You fly in and you can see that someone's left here in a hurry and you see in the back room on the ground, Dr.

Dog.

And the dollmaker is basically up on like a big slab where she had been doing an autopsy.

And you see that she's dreaming.

Okay, I'm going to jump into her dream.

You jump into her dream and she's sort of living a sort of flashback on loop right now.

And you see her like basically like just looking fucking cool as hell, like scully when she's doing those autopsies on the x-files just like sawing into this thing and speaking into a little tape recorder as she's dissecting and she's like now opening the fourth stomach cavity of the entity known as the doll maker contents seem to be partially digested bits of bone and teeth and and then she reaches in and she hears something clink and she pulls out this blue key and she looks at it and she's like

what the fuck is that and then right as she does that gregor her assistant, who is the tall guy who likes jokes, stupid, bashes her on the back of the head with a

dog, with a dog bone, and just cracks her over the skull, and she crumples to the floor.

He picks up the key, and you can see the tattoos on his arm, and you see a tattoo of a bison on his arm.

And he takes the key and starts walking up the door.

Oh, man.

And as that happens, it's only got two or three keys now.

Is that right?

Is there anything you where am I supposed to go today?

I think...

Let me take out my notebook, my schedule.

Let me check my little handy calendar for what my appointment is.

There's a kid outside that's like, hey, Mr.

Gregor, where are you going?

I will say this.

As you see him going, you feel in your bones that you've been zooming around the astral plane enough times now that you get the sense that if you spent all of your energy and thus woke up, you could do one thing in the physical world right now.

Whoa.

As Gregor's walking away?

Yes, like one small thing.

You can't, like, rip the key out of his hand.

Well, you could rip the key out of his hands if you wanted to.

You just won't be able to take it back with you.

Give me clear constraints on what I am physically doing.

Because if I'm non-corporeal, I'm reaching into his fucking heart and I'm closing one of the valves.

Oh, damn.

Oh, damn.

Damn.

Damn.

Dude.

Hey, I can say with certainty, if like superpowers showed up, Anthony would be utilizing them in the most crazy fucking race.

I love that.

Okay, so Anthony's the joker of this group for sure.

I was going to say that, yes.

That's a laugh.

Oh, shit.

I was going to say that, yes, you have the ability to like affect something physical in the world around you, but I really like that.

Describe it to me.

Roll for Kalima.

So I come up behind him after seeing the bison tattoo, and I sort of like put my hand out flat-palmed, sort of aligned vertically.

And I just stick it into his back, and I feel the like little bit of resistance from the bone.

So I just push a little bit harder, and I feel the bone begin to get soft under my hands, almost like, um, almost like when you have a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a bad thing.

Yeah, almost like when I'm, you know when i'm you know when i'm not when i'm done after you know and i keep pushing past it and i feel viscous fluid and viscera sort of crawling up my arm it's getting

like when you know when you're with you if you're when you're with your um with your i can feel his heart because it's the boom boom boom boom because

it's beating and i search around for any sort of valve or anything that i know is connected to the part uh and i just start basically plucking everything i can and just pulling things out and just trying to generally make a mess of things I whirl my hand around like a fucking whisk in a hit upon.

Yeah, just turn it upside down.

It's easier to destroy things than fix things.

You don't have to be a surgeon in there.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

You're fisting.

You're wrenching his heart.

You're pulling his heart, basically.

Yes.

Literally pulling his heartstrings.

Yeah.

So as you do that, Gregor staggers and drops the key and clutches at his heart, absolutely terrified because he has no idea what's going on.

Tell you what it is, Gregor.

A high cholesterol diet.

That's the last thought that goes through his head as his heart bursts in his chest and he just stares down at himself, astonished, and then crumples dead onto the floor, staring at the key that is now sitting outstretched from his palm.

Cool.

And as he dies, there's only one sound he hears.

And then you wake up.

Trudy.

For the last couple hours, Mothman has been patching you back up, you know, swapping out servos, putting in new parts, you know, like just...

Have I been awake?

Have you?

This is up to you.

I guess, yeah, but I think I'm in a like a lower consciousness state.

Oh, okay, I like that.

Like, yes, you're in safe mode, yeah,

in case, you know, he crosses a wire.

So you're pretending to be asleep, but you're awake.

Yes.

And in my head, I'm like, great job.

Oh, wow.

You feel him putting a couple of the last bolts in on you.

And then he runs his hand through your hair and presses this little button on the back of your head, and you come back to like full consciousness.

And he says, Your repairs are complete.

There is is one more thing a cosmetic thing oh what what what do you what what does that mean what what do you mean by cosmetic thing he shows you your face which is all blown apart and melted from the radiation and you don't love me like that

i was about to say to me your face is and always will be

acceptable

oh but if you i just if you wanted i'd i know that sometimes people like their their face to look a certain way.

And while to me, your face will always be a face worth looking at.

I know that.

I want Timmy to see me as the mom he remembers.

Yes.

Okay.

Excuse me.

And then he goes over.

He comes back with like a Trudy face that he's peeled off of like one of these other skulls back then.

Oh, and he.

They took her face off.

A sort of like sharp little pointy end protrudes from one of his fingers and he starts like slicing these little pieces off of it.

Just sort of tenderly laying them onto your exoskeleton and then using a little bit of, it's like a suture, starts stitching your face back together and then putting a little makeup on it to just, you know, kind of complete the

just like, he's really good at it.

He's like, my start to watch your makeup videos.

But as he's doing it, this sort of like tense silence lingers in the air and he says to you, have you thought more about what you wish to say to your son?

I think I thought that.

When I saw him, that I would know what to say, but now I'm not so sure.

Do you feel ready to speak to him?

Maybe I'm not ready, but that's what I want more than anything.

I understand this feeling.

How?

In my world, there is a light, a great light in the sky, that when we look at it, we know our way home.

And

we don't know why it gives us comfort to look at it, but our lives revolve around it.

This light glows, and it is home for us.

And I sense that for you, your son is much the same.

It is a drive that brings you back to him, that you follow.

It leads your way to where you need to go.

I don't know.

Does this sound.

It was stupid.

Never mind.

No, that's not stupid.

I.

My world used to be very small, you know?

And then

I realized with all of my friends that it's much, much, much bigger.

And that's really scary because sometimes I know know that the world is just one person for me.

And so

I want to protect him and I want the world to be okay for him.

And so I don't know what I'm going to say to him.

If I were your son, then I am not.

I think to hear these words from you would mean much.

Trudy, I...

And he turns.

No, it is nothing.

Never mind.

Trudy, I!

There's something Jesus wishes to tell you.

What What is it?

I no longer see the light of my home,

for a new light is the light that I follow.

Oh, my goodness.

And it is the light that I see in your.

And then, right as he's about to finish his sentence, you hear beep, beep, beep, beep.

The antidote is done.

The antidote is fine.

Okay, yes, yes.

Of course.

He rushes over to the antidote.

The sort of machine kind of pops open and he takes this little vial out and he says, What you wish to say to your son is for you and for him alone.

I shall give you your privacy.

Thank you.

Here, let me show you the code.

I don't know if Kelsey told you the code.

Okay, well.

And then he shows you how to beat boop your way past the door.

He says, I will be out here.

Just being fine.

I will be out here being fine.

Okay.

And he's sort of like just sheepish and a little flustered, feeling like he said too much.

He goes and starts busily tidying up the laboratory.

Trudy punches in the code.

58008.

It's upside down and in a mirror.

Boo.

No, boobs, boobs.

The door slides open.

And again, you see this dark resonant crystal.

You see your son lying on a cot and you enter.

Give me a spot hidden roll.

I got 30.

Got 30?

Yes.

You step in.

And as you step in, you notice that little moth that led you all the way through the facility back in Russia and onto the ship.

You see the moth follow you into the room as the door slides shut.

Timmy is lying in front of you.

You hear this engine buzzing.

The moth starts circling the engine.

What would you like to do?

I'm going to turn to the moth and be like, can I have some privacy, please?

The moth sort of like scoots up into like a little vent in the corner of the room.

Okay.

And then she injects Timmy in his arm with the venom.

You see a sort of glowing line appear in his vein as it sort of runs up, and you can almost see it like spread through his body.

And then he stirs awake.

What?

What happened?

Where am I?

Timmy?

Mom?

Oh, baby, it's so good to hear your voice.

Mom.

I can see you.

Mom, where am I?

What's going on?

Sorry, that's complicated.

We're on a ship, and Moth Jesus has saved us.

And are you okay?

Oh, mom, I was so scared.

I'm here now.

Okay, okay, okay.

And he gets up and he hugs you.

Oh, Timmy.

I'm so scared, Mom.

I'm still so scared.

And then you see, he starts shaking, and he starts gripping you tighter and tighter.

No, don't.

You're okay.

Something's wrong.

What do you mean?

Something's wrong.

I can feel it.

Something's wrong.

What's wrong?

What's wrong?

He's here.

He's here.

He's here.

The moth?

They're here.

It's here.

He's here.

Timmy, no, no, no, no, you're okay.

You're okay.

I promise.

You see him scouring back and like pushing back and he's looking at something over your shoulders.

Trudy is going to turn around.

So you turn around and as you turn around, the lights begin to flicker in the room and the reality around you begins to shudder and shake.

And you see this moth and it shimmers for a split second and then it's replaced in an instant by Relish Wet.

God damn it sunburned man shouldn't have trusted that moth and he looks at you and says

thank

you

for your assistance

mr

drought

this deafening screech emits from him and you find yourself frozen both you and timmy are just paralyzed as he takes one step after another towards that pulsing dark crystal in the middle of the room and you see mothman on the other side of the glass, pounding frantically trying to get in, but it's like he can't.

And as Relish Wet steps towards this dark light, it's like a lot of tumblers in a lock all start clicking together in place in your mind as you have this horrible epiphany and you realize that you've just been one teeny tiny part of a plan that's been stretching both ways in time and space for hundreds of years to get Relish Wet to this exact moment.

Good God.

You remember him saving your life the night where Tucker drove that screwdriver into your brain.

He gave you this peppermint, and that peppermint was the first thing you saw that sort of brought you back to life.

It was how you met Mothman.

It was how you and Mothman came together.

Now Mothman started to develop feelings for you.

It was like all of this was preordained that the two of you would meet, that he would be lured into this trap, that they would get this ship, but they would need some way to get into this room, to get to this pulsing crystal in the middle of it.

And he knew that Mothman would lead you in here.

It's like the whole reason you exist almost was to bring you here.

And as that comes to your head, you see him reach in and grab this crystal and rip it out of its sort of like hovering stasis field that exists in the heart of the ship.

And he holds it in his hand.

And this guy has had just this dead-eyed, expressionless face the entire time that you've seen him.

And as he holds it, like his skin starts peeling back more and more, and his face peels up into this rectus grin.

And you can see tears streaming down his eyes as he says,

last

the key

the hour of Zole

he sort of curls his fist around it and it's like it absorbs into his body he starts glowing and strobing all of these strange colors and turns into this beam of light that pierces both ways through the ship tearing a hole straight through it straight into the sky and as you feel the air rush in from outside here in the stratosphere and you feel the ship begin to plummet for a split second.

You look up into the sky and you see an explosion,

and you see a hole get torn into the stars.

Mother, mother, fear me.

I am the broken sky.

All I ever wanted was to feel so ordinary

in a world that lies twisted in my mind.

And now I'm gone.

All that I can see is a hole in the stars.

Thanks so much for listening.

If you're looking for something for your eyeballs, please check out the movie that Matt and I wrote and directed, now available for digital download.

It's called We're All Gonna Die.

It stars Ashley Birch and Jordan Rodriguez, and you can find links on our website, We're All Gonna DieMovie.com, or in the description of this episode.

But if you crave more dungeons and daddies, well, there's only one place to get that, and that's our Patreon feed.

We do an after-show where we talk about the episode we just recorded and answer listener questions.

Here's one we got last episode about sex scenes and movies.

As a father, I am so looking forward to being on the other side of the like, oh no, the sex scene came on while my parents were in the room.

A fucking nightmare.

I'm so pumped for that, too.

Don't get so embarrassing.

Embarrassed the shit out of my kids so hard, dude.

Looks just like your mom.

Oh, no.

Support this show directly and get gobs of bonus audio and visual content at patreon.com/slash dungeonsandads.

Dungeons and Daddies is Matt Arnold, as Kelsey Grammar, Anthony Birch as Francis Farnsworth, Will Campos is our DM, Bethme as Trudy Trout, and myself, Freddie Wong as Tony Colette.

Our theme song is a whole in the stars by Max and Waller, Anissa Omran as our content producer, Ashley Nicolette is our community manager, Courtney Terry is our community coordinator, Cindy Denton is our merchandise manager, Esther Els is our lead editor, Travis Reeves, Omar Romolino, and Brian Fernandez provide additional editing.

Shout out to our Patreon supporters, folks like Feta Ost, Cole, Anika O'Donoghue, Oates, Tyler Mogar, Karen Bartlett, O'Neil Infante, Sam Lone, Metzing Meritin, Shark252, Jared Knight, Cam Reynolds, Vanessa Wall, Robin Johnson, Galena Gasperian, Sam Threlfo, Nick Matthews, Tom Everett, Arichi, and Patrick Hess.

You can join their like by supporting us directly on Patreon, starting at just five bucks a month at patreon.com/slash dungeonsandads.

Merchant more at dungeonsandads.com, Matt and my movie, we're all gonna die movie.com.

Our next episode, July 29th.

We'll see you then.

All that I can see is a hole in the star,

swallowing my dreams and making them scars.

Too far, too far away.

But I'll stay

today.

All that I can see is a hole in the stars

Swallowing my dreams and making them scars

Too far, too far away

But I stay

today.

Give me a spot hidden roll.

I got 30.

Got 30?

Yes.

You can see that he's dead.

No.

Maybe such a good way to reveal that.

You check your feed and your account.

You check the score and the restaurant reviews.

You check your hair and reflective surfaces and the world around you for recession indicators.

So you check all that, but you don't check to see what your ride options are.

In this economy, next time, check Lyft.